|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about something Robin had tweeted over the weekend. Robin had gone off of her detox for a day. Robin said she has been going through a bit of a depression and she went on the detox and she had a down day so she went off. Howard said he'd be on a down day every day if he was on a detox. He asked if she put cream in her soup or something. Robin said she wasn't supposed to be chewing and eating so she started to chew. She ate some solid food. Howard asked if she just started eating something. Robin said when you're depressed you just stop caring and that's what led to her eating.
Howard said he thinks that this is because she's without a man. Robin said she's been without a man for most of her life. Howard asked if she's going to therapy more. Robin said she's still at just one day. Howard said he can't wait to get out of work because that's when he's usually depressed. Robin said that's a situational depression. Howard said he hates going to work. He really hates it but he does it because he has to.
Howard said if he wasn't eating food he'd be depressed too. Robin said it's not about the food. She said she has been depressed before in a situational depression and she stopped eating and she was very happy.
Howard said he knows someone who is very worried about Robin. Robin asked who it is. Howard said it's actually Gary. JD also sent him the blog she wrote and it alarmed a few people. Howard said he thinks this could be cured by some penis. Robin said ''Oh please...''
Howard asked what Robin's symptoms are. She said she usually springs right out of bed but she hasn't been doing that lately.
Howard said that was something else. Robin asked what kind of author that was. Howard did his impression of that call and said that might be his favorite. He said it is a great one. He said that whole Arnold story is great. He said he was reading about Arnold and how he may have more kids out of wedlock.
Howard said he read about this guy who represents artists and thought that maybe he and Robin should get into that when they retire. Howard said he's getting into art with his photography. He said he just did a series of 13 with Beth. Robin asked why it was 13. Howard said that's how many good ones he took. He said that it was actually how many he got to take before Beth walked out of the room.
Howard said he emailed those pictures to Tyra Banks. He said she was particularly impressed with one of them. He said she liked them all but one of them was very impressive. Howard said he sent her all 13. He Tweeted one of them too.
Howard said Tyra wanted him to shoot some of the models from America's Top Model but he had to turn that down. He's very busy with his photography. He has a 4 year old's birthday party booked and he has some other shoots he's going to be doing too. He said he was going to do a shoot this weekend but the weather was overcast and he wasn't able to do it.
Howard said he has a certain look in mind for this shoot and he's not going to do it differently. Robin told him he should just do something wild and do it the complete opposite of what he wants to do. Howard told Robin she's depressed and she doesn't understand. Howard said he has many things that need to be viewed. He said he may put up his 13 pictures on the web site. He thought about it and he's not sure he can do it from there. He said he has all of the pictures but he's not sure he can find them on his computer.
Howard said the series is called ''Beth with Red Shoes.'' He said he copyrights them. He had one of the 13 there on the screen in the studio. Howard said he wants to shoot Robin too. Howard said they shouldn't be viewing just one. He said he should have all 13. Howard said he really doesn't know what he's doing. He said it is very beautiful work though.
Howard said he's ready to shoot Robin. Robin said she wants some information about his camera. Howard said he can tell her what it is. Robin wanted a list so she can get one. Howard said he got a D-7000 camera. He told her to go to the same place he got his at and they'll hook her up. Howard said he has his own style and it's called ''Lazy.'' He just doesn't want to carry equipment around. He said he could just screw it into Beetlejuice's head.
Howard said he read about how the Pirates of the Caribbean made 90 million and it didn't get good reviews. He said Kristen Wiig is very cute and she's fucking funny. He said she's everything that Jennifer Aniston wants to be. Robin said Kristen writes too. Howard asked if she wrote that movie. Robin said she did. Gary said Paul Feig directed it. Howard said when you watch Saturday Night Live it's pretty male centric. He said it's good for her writing that. He said you fall in love with her watching the movie.
Howard said Todd Phillips is going to call in about ''Hangover 2.'' He said that he saw that movie too and it was very good. Robin said that Mike Tyson's tattoo artist is suing them for copying his design in the movie. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said Kristen Wiig is going to be a very big star. He said she was really great in that movie.
Robin said she saw a Mel Gibson movie and it was horrible. Robin said that might be what put her into her depression.
Howard read about how Jane Seymour had said that Arnold may have other kids out of wedlock. Robin said Jane didn't tell her that on the plane when they spoke. Howard asked Gary if that one guy they had on the show that time said that. Gary said that guy said he has been only able to confirm 6 but he thinks there might be 13.
Howard said that's like being a sociopath when you do something like that. He said that Seth Meyers was doing a bit about Arnold during the news on Saturday Night Live. He said he was telling Arnold he was being lazy by not getting out of the house to bang chicks.
Howard read some of the story and they were talking about how Arnold's maid ended up breaking down and quitting her job. She's now in seclusion with her son. Robin said that she's apparently upset about people who are talking to the press about her.
Howard said he got an advance copy of this how called ''Falling Skies'' and it's produced by Steven Spielberg. He said the show was good. He said he's going to stick with it. He said he thinks this one will do well. Howard said he's into all of these alien shows and he thinks that Robin will like it too.
Howard said the aliens are called something similar to what Riley calls his. Robin said the movie ''Super 8'' looks good too.
Howard said he was reading about the Al Quaeda people have picked a new leader. He said that they were joking about that on SNL and how this guy is very unlucky to be the leader because now he's got a big target on his head. Howard said there are other stories about Osama bin Laden coming out now and people were against the guy. Howard said they were upset because they have the U.S. on them and they had it made before that. Robin said the new leader was against 9/11 and this is why.
Howard said he didn't get to see 60 Minutes last night because he had to watch the Billboard Awards. He said that he didn't like the guy hosting the show, Ken Jeong. He said he likes him in Hangover but not doing that show.
Howard said he can appreciate pop artists even though he's a big rock and roll guy. He said Beyonce did a dance number that was phenomenal. He said she's very talented. Howard said she was pretty good. He said Jay-Z was there staring at his wife. He said she finally confirmed she's in a relationship with the guy. Howard said that has to feel good. She looked good too.
Howard said that guy Cee Lo was good. Robin said that Christina Aguilera is a great singer. Howard said he read that Ken Jeong is straight. He wasn't sure until they told him that. Gary said he's a fan of the show too. Howard said he liked him in Hangover 2.
Howard said there's too much self involvement and she just needs to live her life. Robin said she used to do that and lived her life in opposition to things. Howard said Robin is searching. She's always searching. Robin said people live their life from a different philosophy. She said that she's not sure what Howard's is. Howard said he's loose. Robin laughed. Robin said that Howard is showing his father that he's capable. Howard said he had them over to his house over the weekend. Howard said he's just trying to make sure they don't hurt themselves. He said his dad jumped off a step to show how spry he was.
Howard said he had more songs about Robin. He had one from Eli Braden. He played his ''Tits'' song. Robin didn't remember that one. Howard wasn't sure if he had played it for her. Robin remembered it after hearing the song. Howard said they have to get that guy in the studio. He hard that Psych and Little Mikey are jealous.
Howard played some more of Eli's songs. He had a couple of others that were pretty impressive. They made Robin laugh. Howard thought they were fantastic.
Howard said he's surprised that Arnold Schwarzenegger never hit on Robin when he was up there. Robin said he must have been on his best behavior up there.
Howard had a new Little Mikey song parody about Robin. It was to the tune of ''Love Shack'' and Mikey's was ''Nut Sack.''
Howard said he was reading Gange's notes about Ronnie's block party in Allentown and one of the highlights was seeing Little Mikey's mom out there. Ronnie was all over her and it was disturbing to Mikey. He said they'll have to go over the notes about that with Gange later.
Howard played another Little Mikey song parody ''Tits is Gonna Fly'' to the tune of Sugar Ray's ''Fly.'' Robin asked if there are any songs left that they haven't parodied. Howard said there might be 5 songs left.
Howard said he has a lot of stuff to play. He said he has so much to play for Robin. He had a new Baba Booey song that someone sent in. It was an Opera song. Howard said this guy is Daniel Mendelssohn. Howard said it was kind of soothing. He told Fred to hit that one when Gary walks into the studio.
Ronnie came in and said that Bee was very feminine looking and she had some nice eyes too. He said you look at her hands at first but they looked very feminine.
Howard said he has to talk to Ronnie about hitting on Mikey's mom later. Ronnie said they made him do that because they knew it would upset Mikey. He said she was hot looking though. He said she had a good look and he would do her. He said he's not going to make her Hot Chick of the Week though. Ronnie said it seems like Mikey likes to get off on pushing his mom on the guys.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie talking about Mikey's mom. He called her up on stage. Ronnie said it was a great show and the people there were great.
Howard asked what happened with the TV show deal he was trying to make last week. Ronnie said he was in talks with people from FOX about that. He said it would be on Fuel TV if he gets it. He said he doesn't want to talk about the whole thing since he's not sure if he can. He said he's working on getting an agent too. Howard said he'd have Ronnie back in later to talk about the Allentown show.
Ronnie said the show would be on Fuel but it won't be about cars. He said that they have all kinds of sports on that show. He didn't really say what the show would be about. He said he would probably shoot it once a week on a Friday if he did the show.
Howard played more of Ronnie calling Mikey's mom up on stage. Howard had some fun talking about that and talking about that French guy Dominique Strauss-Kahn and how he'd probably like Ronnie's show. Howard had Fred playing the part of that guy, who they're calling DSK in the news. Fred did his French accent and goofed on that guy for a short time. They spent a little time going over that story.
Howard said he beat off to a BiBi Jones story over the weekend. He said he was disgusted with the whole DVD when he was done with it. He said that some guys keep that stuff around and they're able to rape a woman and go right back into rape mode after they do it. Howard said that guy's wife doesn't believe any of the story either. Robin said they were trying to rent an apartment there in the city but no one would take them because of what's going on in the news.
Howard said he saw one of Captain Janks calls on YouTube. Janks said he has been posting them on Twitter. Howard thought he had his own web site. Howard played the call where Janks called a news program as Gene Lasker and told them what was going on with the airports during a snow storm. He gave them some information about the snow storm and said it's a good day to contemplate Howard Stern on American Idol. Then Janks had to tell the guy it was a prank call because he didn't get it.
Howard said that Janks had to tell the guy that it was a prank call. He said it did sound pretty accurate though so that's why he kept Janks on. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Todd Phillips on the phone. He directed the first Hangover movie and now the second one. Howard said he's the only one in America who has gotten a screener according to Todd. Howard asked how much the first Hangover made. Todd said the first movie made just over $500 million. Howard said they weren't thinking it was going to be that big. Todd said he's right. Howard said Todd got over 10 percent of the gross on that first one. Howard said he got 10 percent of the gross after 80 million. Howard asked what that's like. Todd said he was doing okay before that and this wasn't that life changing for him. He said he didn't go out and buy a shore house and a boat or anything.
Howard asked if he had gone out and fucked his maid like Arnold. Todd jokingly said they were already doing that so there was no change there. Howard said he doesn't think that anyone else out there is fucking their maid.
Howard said Todd must not have ever expected a $45 million bonus. Todd said it was the highest selling comedy DVD of all time too so that was amazing.
Howard said he's sure this new Hangover will do as well as the first one. He said the guy in the movie who is getting married is really cut out of the movie. Todd said he was the guy getting married in the first one. Howard said he's like the black guy in Ghostbusters who is hardly in the movie. Todd said he really likes that guy and he's not cutting him out. He said he needed a character who stays back and at bay. Howard asked if the guy asked to be in the movie more. Todd said he was fine with it.
Howard said Zach Galifianakis is one of his favorites now that he's seen this movie. Howard said he wasn't going anywhere before these movies. Howard said he's really good in the movies. Todd said that Robin is one of the misinformed news reporters out there. He said he's so over her. He said that his movie ''Due Date'' made over $200 million and Robin doesn't believe it. He said that the wheels have come off the show with Robin lately. He said that she's always interrupting and things like that. He said he knows Howard loves her so he won't go on. He said that he thinks things have changed over the years with her.
Todd didn't hear the show earlier so he didn't know that Robin was depressed. Howard told him about that and Todd laid off.
Howard asked what role he wanted Mel Gibson to play in the movie. He said he wanted him to play the tattoo artist but they changed the role.
Todd's phone connection was all screwy so Howard asked what's going on with that. Todd said they told him it was on their end. Howard said he goes crazy from that. He said the guys in the back don't care what's going on and that he can't hear his guests.
Todd said he's there in New York but he got in late last night. Howard asked if he's still with that chick he saw him with at the party recently. Todd said he is still with her.
Howard asked Todd why he changed his last name. He said he took his mom's last name and they all did that in his family. Howard asked if his dad fucked their maid. Todd said they didn't have a maid. Howard said he saw that his dad didn't stick around when he was a kid. Todd said he wasn't around but he has spoken to him over the years. He said he's not a dick. He said he's a good guy. Howard said that's pretty heavy when you change your last name. He said Arnold Schwarzenegger's kids have changed their last names to Shriver from Schwarzenegger. Howard said they did it on Twitter.
Todd said he was sorry he didn't know that Robin was depressed. Howard said he put a damper on the show today. Howard asked if he has a problem with anyone else on the show. Todd said he has a problem with Steve Brandano. Howard said that's going to lead to Steve jumping off a building.
Todd said he thinks that Robin tends to repeat and interrupt Howard. He said she repeats what Howard says when she interrupts too. Howard told him to stay away from Robin. Robin asked if she's done anything wrong this morning while he's been on the phone. Todd said she hasn't. He said he feels horrible saying she was bad on the show.
Howard told Robin not to change. Robin said she will and she can't help it if he doesn't like her. Robin said she guesses that he won't be hiring her for any films.
Howard asked Todd about hiring Mel Gibson and how that worked. Todd told Howard that he went to meet with Mel and he thinks that he's a world class actor. Howard said he thinks the guy is an asshole to women and he's an anti-Semite and so is his old man. Howard said that Whoopi can go fuck herself about what she said about Mel when she defended him. Howard said he would never throw around the N-word like Mel did. Todd said he knows the guy was struggling with alcoholism. Howard said he has gotten drunk and he's never said the N-word like Mel has.
Howard asked if it's weird to sit there with the guy and pitch the movie to him after the tapes came out. Todd said that all of that stuff was just coming out and it wasn't just Zach who was upset with him. He said that it was a lot of the cast. Todd said that he thought it would be kind of a wild card with him and it might be fun to do.
Howard asked if he's feeling pressure with this movie. Todd said there's always pressure but there might be less since there's such an anticipation for this one. Howard said he saw it and he thinks it'll do fine.
Howard asked if he got the same deal on this movie that he got on the last one. Todd said they gave him a very generous deal and it's great but not quite as good as the last one.
Howard asked Todd about working on ''Taxi Cab Confessions'' and about how he got thrown off the show. Todd said they ended up getting the whole show booted out of New York because of that. He said that the guy he kicked out was a lawyer and he sued. Todd said they were supposed to be a real taxi cab so they got booted out when he kicked the guy out. You're not allowed to do that.
Howard asked Todd about doing a movie about John Belushi. Todd said that he's working on that movie. Howard asked if they have cast the role yet. Todd said he hasn't but he knows that Howard might want to throw Artie's name into the ring. He said he worked with Artie on ''Old School'' so he loves the guy too. He said a lot of people have Thrown Artie's name out there.
Howard said he got that DVD copy of Hangover 2. He said that he has his name all over the movie and they must be so afraid of him copying it. Todd said that no one gets screeners like that. He said they will send out film copies of the movie to some people but most people don't get those DVD screeners. Howard gave Todd some plugs for the movie that's opening this Thursday.
Howard said Todd was at the Howard Stern Film Festival. He's a good guy. Howard said he saw that he was hanging out with Ivan Reitman recently. Todd said that Ivan kind of discovered him at a film festival and he produced his first two movies ''Road Trip'' and ''Old School.'' Todd said that he wanted Ivan to be in on the Hangover movies and he tried to make that happen but they had other people there they wanted to do business with. He said Ivan knows all of that.
Howard asked Todd if he's getting tons of pussy. Todd said that the girl he's with is Amish. Howard said she's not like any Amish girl he's ever seen. Howard said she stopped being Amish at 10. He said she was almost nude at the party. Howard said he likes introducing her as being Amish though. Howard said she's the furthest thing from Amish he's ever seen. Howard said she wasn't churning butter or anything at the party.
Howard thanked Todd for the call and wished him luck with the new film. He asked what his net worth is. Todd said he really doesn't know. He said he did very well with the movie and he did well before that. He said it wasn't life changing for him.
Howard asked if he wanted to put down Robin before he left. Todd laughed and said he didn't want to do that. Howard asked Robin if it bothered her. Robin said of course it did. She said that it was very personal and she loves the movies he makes. Howard wished Todd luck with everything and told everyone to go see this new Hangover movie. Howard asked if they could do a third part. Todd said he's not sure they will make one but they would have to take a massive departure from what they've done.
Howard asked about Ken Jeong and if he was a doctor before he was an actor. Todd said he was an actual doctor. He said he was around before the first Hangover doing stand-up though. Howard said he liked the monkey in the movie too. He said the monkey was smoking so he wondered how they did that. Todd said that was CGI. He said they don't have it actually smoking. Howard said that's what he figured and that's what he told Beth. Howard told him he did a great job on the movie. He said he sent him a message on Facebook too so he should check that out.
The caller said that he wanted to hear what it would be like when Ted Kennedy meets cousin Brucie and his mom's long pussy hair. Howard said he wasn't going to just improv something for the guy like that. He said he doesn't take requests like Drew Carrey.
Howard did end up trying to do the bit that the guy was suggesting. He was demonstrating how it wasn't funny.
Bobo called in and told Howard how great his picture of Beth was. Howard said he had climbed up on a heating vent to get that shot. Bobo asked if he got laid after taking that shot. Howard told the story of climbing up there to get the shot.
Another caller said he loves Robin and he doesn't care if she gets things wrong. He asked Howard if he ever watches Ellen's show. Howard said he watches it once in awhile. The caller talked about how uncomfortable it is to watch her dancing and then sitting down with her legs open like a dude.
Howard said he saw a comedy special that Ellen did and he thought it was funny. He said he's not sure how old the special was. He said she doesn't do topical stuff so he's not sure how old it was. He said that he made it through 10 minutes of the show so it must have been pretty good. He said he usually lasts about 5 minutes during any stand-up special.
The caller said that he doesn't think Ellen's show is that hard to do. He said it's a producer's show where they do all of the work for the hosts. He said that Robin knows what that's like because she's done Joy Behar's show.
The caller asked if they could get Jay Thomas to do a live show on Thursday when Howard isn't in. Howard is in this Thursday but the caller said he'd like to hear Jay in on the Thursday's he's off. He told Howard how good the show is on Friday mornings. Howard said he'd think about it.
Howard asked if he's going to the funeral. Sheik said he's not going but he would go if Howard bought him a ticket. Howard said he's not sure why he would do that.
Howard asked Sheik about smoking pot with Randy. Sheik said they did that and they didn't do anything else. Howard asked if that's the best memory he has of him. Sheik said that they did have some good times.
Howard asked Sheik about these guys who smoke weed with him and they don't buy their own. Sheik said back in the old days he would take care of them.
Howard asked what the best body part was on Randy. Sheik said he was in excellent shape. Howard said it's weird when they die young like that. Howard said Sheik is older than him and you'd think that he would have gone before him. Sheik said he's 70 and still surviving. He said that he's in bad shape with his knee and his shoulder though.
Howard asked Sheik if he was happy that they killed Osama bin Laden. Sheik said that he did deserve to be punished. Howard said he thinks he agrees with what he said. He didn't seem to understand what he said.
Howard gave Sheik some plugs for a wrestling match he has coming up soon in New Jersey. Sheik said they'll be wrestling and he'll wrap his knee. He said that you can book Sheik to make appearances at esspromotions.com. Howard let Sheik go a short time later. Howard said they learned that he liked Randy other than the fact that he was a ''cheap Jew.'' Howard said that's probably the best obituary he's ever heard.
Howard and Robin talked about Randy's death for a little longer. They talked about how he didn't look like the same guy lately. Howard said he never would have bet that Sheik would outlive Randy. Howard said that it would be great if a fake fight broke out at the funeral. Howard said he thought Sheik didn't like Savage but today it sounded like he did. Robin said he was very mellow today.
Howard played a wrestling show clip where Richard and Sal called in and rattled off every wrestler's name that they could think of. The hosts had to cut Richard off as he was rattling off all of the names. Then they took another call from Sal who was doing the same. Then Richard got on again and he did the same thing. The host banned them from calling in again.
Howard said he was only banned for a month. He said he saw Lisa G was waiting so he'd get to her after the commercial break. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said that she was out in the hall getting stiff.
Lisa came in and said they have spoke to Allison Armstrong about Robin listening to her self help tapes. Lisa said that Allison teaches women how different men are and she's been doing it for 20 years. Howard said these books never help anyone. IF you have trouble understanding men you're never going to understand them. He said you just wait for a good guy to come along who can tolerate you. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said Robin isn't going to change from a book. Robin said people can change if they want to. Robin said she's not the same person she was growing up. Howard said she's pretty much the same.
Robin said Howard is the guy who will bad mouth these things now but in 5 years he'll be talking about how great self help books are. Howard said that he won't be doing that. Robin said that's what he did with therapy. Howard said that's different.
Howard and Robin went back and forth arguing about that. Howard said he'd be perfect for Robin. Robin didn't believe it.
Lisa said she's wondering what Howard and Beth are doing right. She said they still have that love and attraction there. Howard said he's super attractive and that makes up for all of his flaws. He said he did change from doing therapy. He said that he is a different person than he used to be. Howard said Beth likes him because she doesn't want anyone being better looking than her. He said that's like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Howard said that guys who get yappy women are never going to be happy. He said that Beth will walk away from him if he gets angry. He said that's what he needs. He said that Beth was out last night and they don't even see each other two nights out of the week. He said they enjoy being together but Beth does her thing and he does his thing. He said she does plenty of things. Robin said she's heard Howard complaining about her going out so much. Howard said it can be difficult. Robin said she needs lots of freedom in her relationships. Howard said she seems to be bipolar. Howard said she's schizophrenic too. He said she's both. They have to get her out of her depression and Lisa too.
Howard said he doesn't get Lisa at all. He said she's been with a bunch of guys and if she's not depressed she should be.
Lisa said that Jeff Conaway is in critical condition after an overdose and Robin has been Tweeting about what Dr. Drew has been saying and doing with that story. Robin doesn't think that people can be helped on TV. Howard said he thinks that some of these people have been helped. He doesn't think it hurt. He said that Jeff is a guy who couldn't be cured. He said he needed some serious help but he was already a goner.
Lisa said that Gary congratulated the winner of Survivor before it aired on the West Coast. Jeff the Drunk also Tweeted out his phone number and now he's getting all kinds of calls from fans. He's learning how many assholes there are out there.
Howard had Jeff on the phone so he asked what happened. Jeff said he fucked up and tried to Direct Message this girl his number but it went out on his regular Twitter account. He said he added his number and forgot to DM it so it went out as a regular tweet. Howard asked how many calls he's getting per hour. Jeff said he was getting about 100 the first day. There were about 75 the second day and he had his number changed today so the calls will stop.
Gary said they were wondering why he called everyone to let them know the number was out there to be seen. Fred played Gary in with that new opera song parody. Jeff said he changed the number tody so he doesn't get Gary's question. Gary said he called the news and Superfan Roundtable last week to let them know the number was out there. Jeff said he deleted the message on Twitter but people had retweeted it.
Jeff got in a plug and said that he wanted to plug this girl @Jen_is_awesome on Twitter. Jeff said he's going to be off of Twitter for a month because he wasn't able to pay his phone bill.
Lisa got in some plugs for Chuck Zito and Greg Fitzsimmons shows which are on tonight on Howard 101.
Howard spent a little bit of time talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said that Arnold is saying that all of his TV projects are on hold right now. He was going to be doing a cartoon with his family so they've put that on hold. Howard said he wasn't that successful being the governor so he's not sure why they'd do a TV show about it. Howard said an article said that Arnold had an iron clad pre-nup until he fucked the maid. Howard said Lisa G almost threw up when she heard that he had fucked that chick in his bed. Robin said you don't bring that into your home.
Howard said he had that single period in his life and Beth wanted to change the bed because he had fucked the girls in the bed. Howard said it wasn't that many girls and not all of them were in the bed. He said he shoots quick. Howard said he didn't want to throw out the bed just because of that. Howard said it really drives women crazy when they think about it. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Howard said Gange thought it was the opposite of what Ronnie said. He said it was more like Ronnie's bomb party according to Gange. Howard read Gange's notes about the show and how Scott the Engineer was just sitting there doing nothing and almost falling asleep. Ronnie said the guy was very boring. He said that Scott just sat there. He said it was Scott's idea to go out on the road and do these shows too. Howard said he's not sure why anyone wants to see either of them.
Howard read the notes that Gange had and he wrote about Scott's sound board and how lame that was. Gange said he was showing off his DJ mixer app he had on his phone. He was going to use that to play the music at the show. All he did was plug his phone in to play music. Scott was in charge of the audio there too and the mics kept cutting out.
Howard said Scott just wants money. He's bored with the whole thing and he doesn't want to be there. Ronnie said that Scott was out of there as soon as the show was over. He said that the rest of them hung around talking and Scott just got out of there.
Gange said before they got there Scott was complaining that he couldn't find a parking spot. He said it was like he wanted a valet to park his car for him. Ronnie said he just went and parked his own car. Scott was all upset that he didn't find a spot.
Gange said they had a meet and greet before the show and Scott was miserable because all he wanted to do was eat.
Howard said Scott really isn't good at live events. Scott said they just bust his balls and he likes doing the events.
Howard read about Scott sitting on the side of the stage playing sound effects during the show. Gange said he was cutting Ronnie off because the audio was louder than the mics.
Howard asked Scott if he's afraid of his wife and that's why he left. Scott said he had a long drive home. Ronnie said they had a longer drive home.
Howard read about Ronnie doing a lot of yelling at the audience because a girl wouldn't come up on stage. Howard said Ronnie is really horny. He dies to get women topless and all he talks about is getting laid. Ronnie said he doesn't do that. Howard said he has the tapes to play and he does talk about that.
Howard said Ronnie wasn't at a strip club so he's not sure why he was doing it. Howard played some of the audio of Ronnie getting introduced and going up on stage. Scott played him up on stage with a song parody. Ronnie went up and mentioned that if anyone wanted to throw shit that they should throw it at Scott. Scott got up on stage when he mentioned him. Scott was talking to Ronnie and his mic was cutting out. Scott said they had two crappy cords to use and they didn't work if you held the mic. Scott said it wasn't his fault.
Howard listened to some of that and asked how they take money in good conscience. Ronnie said the people loved the show. He said they had great stuff on Twitter about the show and they had a great time.
Howard played some more audio of Ronnie and Scott up on stage trying to talk with their mics cutting out. Scott told Ronnie to tell everyone where they're at and what he wants to do. He wanted to do the Hokey Pokey up there.
Ronnie told Howard that he introduced Mike Gange to some girls who were there at the party. He said he hooked Gange up with this girl and he was all over her. He said they exchanged numbers and then 5 minutes later Gange called him asking him what the girl's name was. Howard said he should have just asked her what it was. Gange said he forgot what it was and he felt awkward asking what it was. Howard said he should have just told her that. He said it might be a turn on for her.
Howard played more audio of Ronnie up on stage doing the Hokey Pokey. Some girls got up on stage and Ronnie talked about how he had a fantasy about what it would be like to have a vagina. Howard asked Ronnie what he's talking about. Ronnie said this thing came into his head about fantasizing about having a vagina. He said he Tweeted that out. Howard said Ronnie says stuff that no one thinks. He said that would be a nightmare to have a vagina for a day. Howard said he's never thought about that. Ronnie said he just thought about what it would be like to have it for a day.
Howard played more of the Hokey Pokey audio. They played the song and Ronnie demonstrated the dance for the people on stage. Ronnie was asking names and telling a girl named Sabrina how hot that name is.
Howard said he heard that the women were skeeved out by the show. Howard played some audio of Wolfie interviewing some of the girls after the show. One woman said that Ronnie reminded her of her dad. Another girls said something similar about his age. She said her father is only 5 years older than Ronnie. Wolfie asked the women some more questions and the women were talking about how Ronnie has old man hands and things like that.
Ronnie said that Gange never puts anything good up. He said that he can see it in his face that there was good interview stuff in there and he sucks. He said he's glad his dog pissed on his bag. He said he should have shit on it.
Robin asked if he's saying that Wolfie had good stuff and they cut it out. Ronnie said that's what he's saying and he's sick of it. Gary said Gange had nothing to do with that clip. Gange said he had no idea that Wolfie was doing that clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who was at the show. The caller, Joe, said that report was right on and the women were completely creeped out by Ronnie. He said they were all talking about how they despise him. The caller went off on Ronnie and said that people hated him. Ronnie said he's sorry he wasted his money but he's the one who paid. The caller said he should have knocked him out. Ronnie and the caller yelled at each other for a few minutes. Ronnie said he remembers his ugly fucking face.
Howard said his mother isn't too thrilled with Ronnie's constant use of the F-word. She has to turn the show off.
Howard said they had a Q and A with Scott at the show. He said it was so incredibly dull. Howard played some of that. He said it was badly mic'd. He played some of the audio and he wasn't able to hear anything. Howard asked Robin if she really wanted to sit through it. Robin said it was very poorly produced. Howard said this will all be up on Howard TV tomorrow night.
Howard played more of the audio and audience members were yelling out questions and Ronnie would ask Scott the questions that were being yelled out. Howard said the audience was way funnier than Scott was. They were yelling out funny lines.
Howard told Scott that it's not right to beg Shuli to go tour and do a show. Scott said he wasn't bugging anyone. Scott said he won't do anymore shows if that's what he thinks. Howard said he's not a showbiz guy. He said Shuli is a stand-up and he has something to say. Howard said he's an engineer and that's it. He said he's a drain on this show.
Robin asked Shuli how many years he had to do a show before he got good. Shuli said it was years. He said they did discuss helping Scott out and he likes doing stand-up. He said that's what he does. Howard said Scott is a drip. He said no one is looking for him. He said he doesn't put an ounce of work into this.
Shuli said he wasn't going to drink that night until he heard the bad sound. He said that it wasn't even Scott's fault but Scott was there so he does the same thing there that he does at work where he looks left and right but finds nothing. Shuli said that people were doing impressions of Scott behind him.
Howard said Scott has to stop trying to make money like he's in show business. He said he was thrown topics and he had nothing to say. Shuli said he told Scott to repeat the questions so everyone could hear but he didn't even do that.
Howard said Scott should have talked about his threesomes and stuff like that. He said he could have said he's an uncle fester look alike but he had three women in bed. He said Scott just doesn't think that way.
Howard said he loves Scott and he's a nice guy but he's a bore. Scott said he's done then. He won't do anymore shows. He said he was there to help too. Howard asked how much Shuli had to pay him to do that. Scott didn't want to say it on the air. Scott said he hasn't even been paid yet. Gary said he heard he was complaining about that.
Shuli said that the guy is going to pay him tomorrow. He said the promoter has all of the money in a Paypal account and he'll be paid tomorrow. Howard asked how much money it is. Scott said it's $800. Howard said that's a loot of money but he did nothing. He said he doesn't do anything so why should he get paid. Scott said he is doing something. Howard said he did nothing all night. Scott said he's not going to do it anymore. Robin thought he should try it one more time. Scott said his price just doubled then. Ronnie laughed.
Howard said that hey got him this huge amount of money to do that. He said he should have gotten a hundred bucks. Shuli said that this guy John Tole has a mattress in his car to live on. He said they split the money pretty much equally. Shuli said he made a couple hundred more than Scott but he did 45 minutes of comedy.
Shuli said he told Scott he'd be paid on Tuesday and he thought he was fine with it. Then he heard from Ronnie that Scott was complaining about it and said he'd never do it again. Scott said he never said that. Ronnie said he did too.
Howard said Scott was paid a ridiculous amount of money to do this so he should be grateful. Scott said he is grateful. Howard said he's no Jerry Seinfeld. Scott said he's getting close though. Shuli said he ran out the door as soon as the Q and A started. He said they had people standing there and they all stayed until the end. He said they were all happy.
Shuli said Ronnie had a lot of energy and he was a great emcee. Howard said that was the big Ronnie appearance with Shuli. Ronnie said hopefully they have another one coming up soon. Scott said he's done with them.
Ronnie asked Gange what happened at the end of the show. Ronnie said he came out at the end and said good night to everyone. Howard said he forgot to thank Scott. Gange said that Scott was standing there wondering about himself and Ronnie just walked away. Ronnie got back up and thanked him. Howard said this just isn't Scott's thing. Scott said he'll do it again if they want. Howard goofed on Scott for a minute doing an impression of him. Scott said he can deejay well and things like that. He said he might not be good at this particular thing.
Scott was going to hand out sunglasses to the audience during a song. He didn't end up doing that though. Scott said that it would only be like 20 bucks if he did that. Shuli said there was a question about staying in Allentown that night. They were doing the show at a brewery though so Ronnie was trying to get women topless while food was being delivered to people's tables.
Shuli told Howard that Scott came over to him at one point and asked when they were going to eat. Howard said he heard that Gange is like that too. Shuli said that Gange didn't even wait to do his thing before asking the waiter for food. Gange said he was afraid they weren't going to get the chance to eat.
Gange said that they had Brian Phelan at the show and he had a lot to drink. He said they got to Ronnie's house at like 2 in the morning and Brian ended up peeing in his yard. Shuli said that Brian's car alarm went off when he opened the door too.
Howard asked Scott what he's going to do with the money. Scott said he didn't know. Howard told him to buy his wife something nice. Shuli said he would do this again with those guys. Howard said he has a feeling Scott do it again. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about this guy who spent his entire life savings warning people about the end of the world that was supposed to happen on Saturday. Howard said Sal and Richard went out and found some nuts out on the street who were thinking it was the end of the world. He played some audio of them interviewing a guy who had a heavy Chinese accent. The guy said that he would be up in Heaven on Sunday with the other believers. Howard said the guy quit his job. Howard played audio of them asking the guy about quitting his job in preparation for this end of the world thing. The guy said that they understood why he quit.
Howard said when someone quits like that you're glad that they didn't come in and shoot the place up. Howard said it sounds like he didn't even give notice. Robin said the old guy who made this prediction was an 89 year old man and he expected to get sucked into heaven at 6pm on Saturday. Nothing happened so the guy looked shaken. Robin said he was in such disbelief that he figured he misinterpreted something. Howard said he pulled the same thing in 1994. Howard said the guy must get bored or something. Robin said the guy looks confused after he made that prediction. Howard said he wished he had gotten sucked into the earth.
Howard played another clip of Sal and Richard asking some people questions about the end of the world prediction. They spoke to a guy asking if it was okay to cheat on someone before the end of the world. The guy said that's a typical response from non-believers. Howard said he'd like to know if that guy had a normal IQ.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show. That led to them talking about Todd Phillips bad mouthing Robin. Howard said that was kind of weird. He said that Todd started in with him at the Jimmy Kimmel party too. He said he was feeling criticized himself. He said that Robin had made a comment about one of his movies and Todd took it personally.
Howard said Larry King wrote another book. He said he's written a bunch of them and he's not sure how he pumps them out so quick. He read some quotes from the book and it was just Larry's thoughts. He doesn't explain his thoughts at all. He compared himself to Derek Jeter but didn't explain it at all. He said it's a book of unfinished thoughts. Howard read a bunch of the thoughts Larry has and questioned each one wondering why he was saying them. Larry doesn't explain anything.
Robin read a story about how a majority of American's support gay marriage. Robin said that's not helping get the laws passed. Robin said she was surprised by Ted Nugent when he said that he doesn't think gays being married is a real marriage. Howard said Ted is a handful so he didn't want to sit and argue with him about that. Howard said he sees it as a marriage. He said it's not going to affect people at all. He said if people want to take drugs and not drive a car, that's fine. He said as long as it doesn't bother him he's fine with it.
Robin said there's a new smoking law in New York and it bans smoking outside in certain areas like public parks. Howard said he loves that law. Howard said he walks outside and sees smokers blowing smoke. He said he doesn't want to breathe that shit in. He said it's fine if you want to smoke in your car or in your home. Robin said there's a $50 fine if you're caught smoking in these areas.
Robin read about how belief in religion can cut down on sex. Robin said that atheists are more free when they don't think about religion and sinning. Robin said the feelings of guilt can range considerably. She said that the Mormon's have the most guilt according to a study that was done. Howard said there's nothing wrong with a little sex. Robin said that's right, we're sexual animals and they're supposed to do that.
Howard said Larry King hit on his wife when he went to do this show a couple of years ago. He said Larry came in the dressing room and said hi to him and then said ''HELLO!'' to Beth. Howard wondered what he's all sexed up about. He said he asked Beth to come into the studio with them. He said it was unbelievable. Howard said Larry was talking to Beth and not talking to him. Howard said the guy is barely human but he's all sexed up.
Robin read that in Pakistan they're having problems with Osama bin Laden's widows. The older ones are upset with the younger one. Howard said he can't imagine why. Robin said they say that the younger one is being accused of leading us to them. Robin said they're having a hard time calming that bunch down over in Pakistan. Robin said they were saying that Osama was running between the three wives during the invasion. They went to break after that.
After the break Howard came back and played some audio of Fred freaking out during a recording session for the show plugs. Howard played the clip and Fred was laughing his ass off at Ronnie after doing an impression of him. Howard said he's not used to seeing Fred showing emotion like that.
Robin got back to her news and read about a tornado that hit in Missouri over the weekend. Robin said that they're saying that they're just beginning to get an idea of how many were injured or unaccounted for. Robin had some audio of some officials talking about what's going on there. Robin said there are storm chasers out there and one of them says he found himself not far from the path of the twister. She had some audio of that guy talking about it.
Howard asked who Robin hates more, tornado chasers or bicycle riders. Howard said he doesn't mind if you ride your bike but don't quit your job to go do it. Howard read some email about Sussy and his bike riding. He had an email from a farmer who said he wouldn't hire a guy like Sussy who is going around riding his bike to farms and breweries. Howard read another one that was all for Sussy and against Howard and Robin for riding his ass about that stuff. Howard read another one from a guy who said that it was wacky that Sussy is going around doing that to learn about organic farming.
Howard read some email from someone who said they should have Shuli sit in on the show. Howard said maybe he'll do that. He said he likes Shuli when he's around. He said that's why they gave him the job at Howard 100 News.
Robin had some more audio from the tornado chaser guy. The guy said he found a truck driver who was injured from the tornado. He helped that guy. Robin had audio of another storm chaser who was talking about the damage he saw on the interstate out there.
Robin read about the new leader of Al Quaeda and how dangerous they're saying he is. She had some audio of a congressman talking about that. Robin said this guy says that this guy might be hiding out in Yemen.
Howard said that someone wrote a letter to the newspaper asking why we can't say we hate the Arabs but so many Arabs can say they hate American's. He said it's a blanket statement and they don't say they hate certain types. They just hate us all. He said they want to be able to practice their religion here freely but we can't do that in their country. Howard said he's so glad they put a bullet through Osama's eye. He said he's glad they did that and didn't give him a trial. He said they should do that to the new leader of Al Quaeda too.
Robin read a story about this guy Herman Cain who has announced his bid to run for president. Howard said it would be great if every president was a black guy and they increasingly got blacker. He said that Obama is light skinned and Cain is darker but maybe the next guy would be blacker than Wesley Snipes. Howard said they'd finally have one as black as Seal the singer. Howard said that guy would be ''insanely black.'' Robin wondered what that meant. Howard said she knows. Howard said he's an Obama supporter and he thinks he might change to Cain.
Robin said that Tiger Woods is out of the top 10 in golf. Robin wondered what happened to him. Howard said it's over for him. He said golf is a mind game. He said it's really not so much about begin the biggest guy. It's a finesse of the mind. He said Tiger got his mind blown. His father isn't alive to kick him around to get him back on track so he can start winning again. The guy is freaking out. Howard joked that he had tweeted about wondering what it would be like to have a vagina over the weekend.
Howard said he really does like this guy Herman Cain on some of his things. He said he's not with him on the abortion thing but he likes some of the other stuff he's saying. Howard said he might be able to support him.
Robin had an audio clip of ''You Light Up My Life'' and read about how the guy who wrote the song, Joseph Brooks, died over the weekend. He had a plastic bag over his head an a helium tank nearby. He apparently committed suicide. Howard and Robin talked about how creepy the guy turned out to be. Robin said he had a suicide note there and a friend that was coming over for lunch had found him. Robin said he was 73 and he was awaiting trial on some rape charges. Robin said that nearly a dozen women accused him of rape.
Robin read about how Lance Armstrong's team mates are saying that he doped during the times he was winning. Robin had some audio from last night's ''60 minutes'' where his team mates were accusing him of using performance enhancing drugs. They had a few clips of them making the accusations. Robin said that Lance is denying that he ever did this.
Robin read about Bernard Hopkins breaking George Foreman's record for being the oldest man to ever win a boxing championship. She said he beat up a 28 year old guy and he's 46. Robin said he's said he won't retire and he'll defend that title.
Robin read about a woman who threw her baby down a garbage chute and into a dumpster. A janitor found the baby when he heard it crying. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about a couple that died 3 days apart after being married for 78 years. Robin said they were 98 years old. Robin had some audio of the family talking about that. Howard said he hopes that his parents go together as a package too. He told Gary to send his parents this tape. Robin read more about the couple and had Howard play a few tapes of the family talking about it. Howard said his parents have been married for 64 years. They're getting up there too.
Robin read about Richard Marx getting an Icon status from some music group.
Robin read about Greg Allman's new book. Robin said that should be out next year. Robin said that he's wanted to write a book for quite some time. Robin read the details about the book.
Robin read about Tom Hanks making a speech at Yale over the weekend. Robin had some audio of Tom speaking there. Howard said there's no reason for Tom Hanks to be speaking to Yale grads. He said that's like riding your bicycle around the country. He said not everything is a joke. He said you're supposed to be bored at your college commencement. Howard did an impression of what it should sound like.
Robin read that Katie Couric was at Howard's alma matter making a speech for the graduates. Howard said they had Julia Child there at his. Howard did an impression of what he heard at that commencement. JD had some audio of Katie mentioning Howard in her speech. Howard quickly played that clip and she cracked a joke about Howard Stern graduating the school and how she's not sure what that shows. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Benjy said he'd feel really bad if he was close to someone who was sad. He said it's nice that Gary and Jon feel so close to Robin that they're willing to help.
Jon went over some of the other things they were going to cover today. He brought up Iron Sheik and ended up talking about that for a minute. Jon said that Howard had also said that self help books don't work. Gary said that it can help people in some areas. He said he's not sure he agrees with Howard about that.
Jon also brought up Ronnie's block party and how it was either a success or a failure depending on who you ask. Gary said he thinks that Ronnie was genuinely mad at Gange today. He said he thinks that he felt betrayed by Gange and what he wrote and how everyone was throwing him under the bus.
Gange came in so Gary asked what really happened. Gange said they all knew it was going to be a train wreck and that's what they got. He said Scott and Ronnie together were the big train wreck. He said if Ronnie was on his own he thinks he'd be fine.
Gange said he did a bunch of interviews and some people thought it was good. He said those are the clips that people aren't going to find funny. He said he really thought the Wolfie interviews were his and he really had nothing to do with them. He said Ronnie understands that now. They had to take a break after that.
Gary said there was a time when Scott wasn't getting gigs and he may have had a jealousy thing going on. Jon asked what he did at the gig. Scott laughed and said ''not much.''
Gary asked if Scott drove himself out there and if he had any idea what he was going to do. Scott said he thought about doing the Hokey Pokey thing and stuff like that. He said they did a short bit about that and some other stuff. He said he thinks that Shuli just went along with it.
Shuli came in and said that he thinks it's good to get the crowd involved and do stuff like that. He said it was Scott and Ronnie doing their thing and that's it. Shuli said no one walked out early. Scott said it was standing room only and no one left. Shuli said he'd do the show again in another town.
Gary asked Scott if he would do it again. Scott said he might. He told Howard he wouldn't do it again though. Ronnie said Scott was crying like a baby. Scott said he didn't feel like he contributed enough. Ronnie said he walked out while the rest of them hung out with the fans.
Ronnie said Scott didn't look happy to be there. He said he doesn't know why but he had a thought in his head about that. He said that Scott was miserable and he doesn't think he wanted to be there. Scott said he had a good time. He said he wanted to be there too. Shuli said he thinks that he was excited about the show.
Shuli said he thought the banter between them would be better on stage. Scott said the mic didn't work so they had piece of shit stuff up there. He said they had a crappy mixer on the table too. Shuli said that Scott had no idea what was going on. Scott said they gave them mic cords that just didn't work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to hand it to Scott for showing up and just going home. He said he shows up to gigs with extra cords and stuff when he performs. He said Scott just wants the $800 to show up. Shuli said this is the first time he ever did a gig with a DJ.
Ronnie said Gange had to make him sound like he was an asshole. He said he had to put the spin on it like it was really bad. Ronnie said there were at least 160 people there and it was standing room only. He said that Gange can say whatever he wants, he knows they had a good time there.
Gange said that everyone left happy but he noticed some things going on so that's what he wrote to Howard. Ronnie said that it wasn't a total train wreck. Gange said it was. Ronnie said the reason he said that is because he couldn't get any food. Ronnie said he's tired of getting knifed in the back constantly on the show.
Ronnie said he knows who the girl was in the Wolfie thing. He said that it's all about her getting her air time. He said she knew that she did that because she wanted to be on the air. Gary asked how he knows that. Ronnie said she was hanging out with him at the bar telling him she had a great time. He asked why she would do that and be a phony.
Jon asked how the Meet and Greet went. Ronnie said Scott was eating during the whole thing. Scott said that he was eating and the people started coming over so he got up and moved. Ronnie said he gave half of his food away when it started. He said that these people paid extra money for that. He said he did what he had to do.
Gary asked Shuli if he was upset that Scott had the most demands and got paid the most for doing the least. Shuli seemed to be okay with it. Ronnie said all he had to do was park around the back. He said as soon as the show was over Scott was out of there. Shuli said he was out of there as soon as Ronnie was saying good night.
Shuli said he won't say the show was a total train wreck but it could have had better sound. He said it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Shuli said he thought it was going to be a total catastrophe. He didn't tell Ronnie that in the car because he didn't want to freak him out. Ronnie said Shuli didn't tell him that in the car but he took pictures of his head the whole time they were driving. Shuli said he could see the road through his hair, that's why he did that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a great time at the show. He said that Scott totally denied a hand shake from his friend. Scott said he did not deny anyone. He said he took pictures and shook hands with everyone. Ronnie said he gives it his all when he makes an appearance. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who mentioned a shout out to Howard on The Office this week. Jon and Gary had heard it. The caller asked if anyone has called Howard out on anything like Todd did with Robin. The guys said that Chris Rock has done that and some other guests have done it.
Another caller said he loves the show and wanted to thank Todd for hitting the nail on the head. He said that he feels exactly the same way about Robin. He said that Robin interrupted right at the beginning of the interview. He said he knew that Todd had a problem with Robin before today. Gary asked how he knew. The caller said maybe he didn't. Gary figured he worked with Todd and he was trying to cover his ass and maybe he works with Todd on something. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to the Wrap Up Show from yesterday where Ronnie and Scott were talking about their appearance over the weekend. Howard said he heard that Scott didn't want to do the Meet and Greet with the fans. He wanted to eat. Howard said Robin had to hear this.
Howard played some audio where Ronnie and Scott talked about that. Howard and Robin talked about how kooky Scott is when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said Robin called him last night and he was watching Oprah's final show. He said they had like 9,000 fans there in this big event center. He said it almost turned into a religious thing. He said Madonna came out and said ''amen'' at the end of her speech. He said it's embarrassing. Howard said that's what he told Robin when they stopped doing the birthday shows. He said it was embarrassing for him to have people performing for him. He said it can be a little bit much.
Howard said they dragged Patty LaBelle out during that show and it was like she was doing vocal exercises. He said she has no emotion when she sings. He said Josh Grobin came out and sang with Patty and it wasn't working. Howard didn't think he had any audio clips to play but JD informed him he did.
Robin said she heard that Madonna had run off from some project she was working on to do this Oprah thing. Howard said no one is waiting for that Madonna project so it's not that big of a deal for her to leave.
Howard said the Oprah special continues today. He said that she's worth like $3 billion. He said they don't deny her any money. He said he can't seem to get the money he deserves. He said they seem to forget what was going on there when he started. He said they were close to going out of business when they hired him. He said he helped turn them around. He said that he knew that they were going to take over if they hired him. He said he told them that they'd end up acquiring XM radio. He said they all have a short memory. He said his buddy Scott Greenstein seems to have forgotten what was going on. Howard said when times get good they all want to forget what they owe and who they owe. He said it's a bunch of horse shit this radio business. Howard said you should get into TV, not radio. He said in radio they regret every penny they're supposed to pay you. Howard said they shouldn't begrudge him what they owe. He said that they wouldn't be there if he hadn't come over.
Howard said Oprah decided to quit her TV show because she was sick of the pressure and the grind of doing her TV show. Howard said she wanted to slap her name on this cable channel that she's got and thought it would be big. He said people who invested in that network are ready to have a heart attack now that she wants to go on Broadway. Howard said they don't have any Oprah on her own network. He said she's not retiring. She's doing other work.
Howard said Oprah has to start showing up and putting herself out there and developing shows for her network. Howard said when he came there they turned that mother fucker around. He said he expected to be compensated for the work he did there. He said they told him not to worry and if he earned it he'd get it. Once times got good they basically said ''fuck you'' so he's going to say the same to them. He said it's all ''fuck you'' and everyone forgets. Howard said Mel sat him down and told him what shit satellite radio was and how it was never going to be anything. Howard said he believed they could do better and now they have over 20 million subscribers but he had nothing to do with it. Howard said they acquired those subscribers because of him.
Howard said people get fucked in business all the time. He said the business never ends no matter how big you get. He said when he started there they had 600,000 subscribers. He said he was asked to come over and save them. He said they drew up a contract and it was very clear. He said now the contract isn't clear to them. He said it's very clear to him.
Howard said they talk about what John Malone has done for the company making $5 billion. He said that he would like to meet the guy and find out what he's done for the company. Howard said they call him greedy but this guy John Malone has $5 billion.
Howard said he's just going to put a big smile on his face. He said they all have a short term memory when it comes to this stuff. He said the war is coming and it's not over yet. Howard said the internet is coming to the car and this company isn't going to make it if he's not there. Howard said he's the one who makes that company. He said they ask him to save them and trot him around when they first hired him. He said he walked away from his terrestrial radio career and helped them out. Howard said they say they gave him $200 million in stock and half of that went to the government and the other half went down to 5 cents per share. He said he didn't see much out of that. Howard said he wasn't bitching about that but he's not loaded from that.
Howard said he's had it. He said he used to tell them that they'd be acquiring XM and they would laugh at him. He said the boss of XM is Mel now. He said if it was anyone else they would have merged. It wasn't a merger, it was an acquiring. He said that there wouldn't have been one if he wasn't there. He said that they call him greedy for asking for what he deserves.
Howard said he's happy for Oprah getting 3 billion. He said no one begrudged her any money. She must have had better lawyers. He said they should just not pay her, she's got enough. He asked why bother paying anyone?
Robin said that the guy who owns the Mets was bad mouthing some of the guys on the team when they were talking to him about his losing money to Bernie Madoff. Howard said that's what business owners do. He said they hate paying talent. That's the way of the world. He said the talent are looked at as crooks and being greedy. He said that they don't call Bernie Madoff greedy. Robin said they don't say that about Fred Wilpon, the team owner, either.
Gary came in told Howard about some of the stuff Fred Wilpon was saying. Howard said that the owners should be in the paper bag business because they don't have to deal with talent. He said the owner isn't talent, he's just the owner. The players are the ones who put him on the map. Howard said they liked Babe Ruth because they didn't have to pay him. He said that's what it's like with him. He said they love to teach him a lesson because it's fun. He said it's a bunch of horse shit.
Howard said he'll just sit there like the dog he is. He said he remembers being marched through the halls and being asked for help. He said they were going bankrupt and he knew that they would be able to eat XM whole. He said they laughed. He said he told them it would cost them but it would work if they hired him. He said they told him if he worked he'd get what he deserved. Howard said the owners are greedy. He said they don't want to recognize who got them where they are.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sirius and those guys are screwing him over. Howard said he has said too much. He said he had to blow off some steam. He said that's just his feeling that everyone around there forgets. He said that they talk about John Malone making all of this money but they don't remember who got them there. Howard said they claim they don't have 20 million subscribers. They tell him that for him they only have 10 million. He said they tell him that he has it all wrong and he's reading it wrong. Howard said when things were tight he was reading it right.
The caller said that they've jacked Howard down to 10 hours a week and they're playing even more commercials. Howard cut him off and said he didn't want to get into that.
Howard said everything is a joke around there. He asked if Scott Greenstein is around. He said he's got an amazing track record of being there for him. He yelled for them to show themselves to him. Benjy laughed. Howard asked if that was really funny and if he likes to see him suffer. Benjy said it was pretty funny.
Robin said she saw that Conan was happy to see that Dick Ebersol was leaving NBC. Howard said that's not going to change his life. He said Dick Ebersol fucked him up the ass so hard. He said that guy has a nice parachute. He said he'll be doing just fine when he leaves. Howard said the executives always help each other.
Howard said they keep splitting up this stock so much that he can't get a dime out of it. Howard said the executives will always say that they're the people who did all of the work. Robin said Conan is saying he's going to go out on the road this fall. Howard said he might as yell out a window since no one even knows where he is now.
Howard got back to the 10 million and 20 million subscribers thing. Howard said he'd like to know where his buddy Scott is now. He said he misses that guy. He said that guy wants more excitement around there. Howard said there's enough already. He asked what he's doing there. He said he'd like to know where his buddy is. Gary told him he's not there. Howard told him to find a studio for Geektime but they didn't do that. Howard said they say they'll do things and don't follow through.
Howard said Chris was on in Portland on KUFO after he left Philly. Howard said everyone wanted the guy and he was on cloud 9. He said he was calling and telling him that he was getting there and everyone wanted him. Howard said he went to Portland after getting fired in Philly. Howard said he heard that it rains there constantly.
Howard said he told Chris how he did things and tried to help. He said he's beyond that though. Howard said Chris called him up and told him about Portland and how he had to go out and do these appearances. He had to go out and do this food giveaway. He said that he was giving away free food at these things. He said they were bribing the audience to listen. Chris said they were Chicago hot dogs. Howard said he had to show up in this van every week and people wouldn't show up.
Chris said they would sign up people on the station to drive to these offices to give food to the listeners. It wasn't getting new listeners because the people were already listening to get the free food.
Howard said Chris decided to buy a house out there. That's the last thing you want to do. Chris said that was last July and he remembers telling Howard he bought a house. He said that Howard told him ''Yeah, that's good...'' like it wasn't a good idea.
Howard asked Chris to give out his information for the new CD. Chris said it's available on iTunes and on his web site KiddShow.com. Chris said he just got a new gig in Atlanta so he's moving down there. He said he might want to fly down there every day instead of buying a home down there. He said he loves the house in Portland. He said that's his first house too.
Howard said he should put a book together of radio horror stories. He said every radio guy has like 50 of these stories. Howard said he does a school scholarship and he really shouldn't be doing that to get kids into the business. He said the business is really horrible.
Howard said he could never get into the Atlanta market so that's great for Chris. Chris said the station is great. He said that Tim and Howard are the only people he hears from during his hard times. Howard said he usually won't call during the times that he's doing well. He likes to hear the shitty stories.
Chris said his old partner Thomas is coming to Atlanta with him. He said he just got his deal last night. He said he has to print it out because his printer is packed. Chris said that the station is Project 96.1 in Atlanta. He said he's been in talks with them for a while. He said he had his stuff packed two weeks before.
Howard told Chris not to bother signing contracts. They're useless. He told him about what's going on with his contract. Chris said they stood by his contract out in Portland. Robin said that was nice of them. Howard said they must have felt bad about him buying that house. Chris said he knows what he means about the contract. Howard told him to just sign it, it doesn't matter. Howard said everyone has different interpretations of what they mean.
Chris said that maybe he should just have them send the severance now and skip everything in between. Howard asked when he starts down there. Chris said he thinks it's the 31st.
Howard had Chris tell some other horror stories. Chris said he went to a Super Bowl party and he asked to get into the stadium where they were doing the show and they wouldn't let him in. He said the guy said they were at capacity and wouldn't let him in. He said he would check with someone on it but Chris told him to just forget it and he didn't bother going in.
Howard asked what's going on with KiddChris.com. Chris said that some other company owned it and he just got it back. He said the other site is the one he's been using.
Howard said Chris is doing some other stuff too. Howard said Chris is very talented and he did some very funny stuff in Philly. Chris was laughing at the plug. Howard gave up on trying to plug it. Chris said he heard Howard yelling first thing in the morning and then Will called him asking if he was ready to go on. Howard said he gets aggravated sometimes and he has to vent.
Chris said they asked him to come in there for interviews. He said when he wasn't available they wanted him. When he was available they didn't want him. Howard said that's the way things go there. He said no one returned his calls when he was available.
Howard gave Chris some more plugs for his new album. He said Chris was single for a while and he was getting all kinds of blow jobs. Chris told Howard that he used to do nighttime gigs and he was working in Wichita, Kansas. He said no one was there so he could have girls show up. He said he would have girls go under the console and blow him and they had to make him cum during the weather or they didn't win the tickets. Howard said there have been some very up moments for Chris. He said what he did was very wrong and that's not something to be proud of. Chris said they automate everything now so those jobs aren't even available. Chris said he ended up giving away all of the tickets even if they didn't finish him off.
Howard said Chris told them that he won't make fun of Gary anymore because he feels sorry for him after reading his book. Chris said he hasn't made a Gary song parody in a long time.
Howard said Chris is the guy who made the Sulu Dance song and some other great songs. Chris said he gave that song to them so that won't be on the album or anything. Chris said the stuff in Gary's book really shook him so he had to stop making the parodies. Chris said he hears plenty of people making the songs for the show now.
Howard said Chris is a good man. He gave him some more plugs and let him go. He said that they're lucky they've been able to stay in one place for so long. Howard said he's grateful for that. He said the audience is loyal and they don't have to move every two minutes. He said he felt bad for Chris when he told him he bought that house. He said it was like the kiss of death doing that.
Howard said he bought a house and then got fired from NBC. He said that he was breaking his own rule when he did that. He said he didn't think the curse would work. Howard said they had a picture of him standing in the new house with a tin cup and his new baby with his wife. He said he was renting and doing fine and then he bought the house and got fired. Howard said Chris has a kid now too. He said he sent him a gift but he should have sent him 20. Howard said Chris will do fine though. Howard said radio stations are incredibly loyal to their talent. Chris should be fine.
Howard said he gave Chris a pep talk. He said he told him that the people of Atlanta will prepare him to move to Houston.
Howard said Josh was on his way out and on his way home when she started singing. Howard said Oprah can't say no to anything so she's going to have to go back to working hard for her OWN network. He said that Patty LaBelle will be singing for the new network. Howard said Oprah just wanted to stick her name on the network and let it run itself. Howard said she's going to have to go back and do her show. He said it's just not working out. They have nothing over there. Howard said she showed up for an hour and a half for the whole month over there. Howard said she should be honest with them and tell them she's not going to be there.
Howard said Oprah is probably asking herself what she has done. She didn't want to work anymore. He said that they put shows like the Chaz Bono show on the network. He said that Oprah wants uplifting shows and that didn't work so they had to put other stuff on. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he heard that Scott the Engineer was offended by what Ronnie had to say about him on Wrap Up yesterday. Ronnie usually sits in his studio but not today. he's been locked out. Robin said doing businesses with Scott must be a dream. She said she spoke to Shuli yesterday about how they have other gigs but only if they can get Scott the money he wants.
Howard asked Ronnie what's going on. Ronnie said he went in there and asked why the door was locked. He said Scott told him there's a lot of noise in the hall today. Ronnie said he asked what he was talking about. He said he's supposed to be his friend and the only one in the whole place. He said that he hasn't said anything new. Gary said he thinks that he was upset about what he said about him not being nice to people at the Meet and Greet and about him not wanting to be there. Howard said the guy is pissed at Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't care.
Robin asked if he's going to be mad at him for the next 5 years. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He said he's acting like a little kid now. Howard said he loves it.
Scott came in and said that he didn't lock the door. He said he had a lot of noise in the hall and that's why he closed it. He said he heard from some people who were telling him that he took a big beating yesterday. He said that Ronnie took a beating too. He said he didn't bad mouth Ronnie at all. He said that they went there to entertain the people and that's what he thought they did. Scott said he's annoyed at a lot of people, not just Ronnie. Scott said that he's the only one who got trashed.
Scott said he called the club asking who he had to deal with. He said when he got there he asked for food since he had traveled during dinner time. He said he would have paid for it but he wanted to eat. He said the guy said fine but it took an hour and a half to get the food. He said they let the people into the Meet and Greet and he was eating and meeting and greeting at the same time. He said he wasn't rude.
Howard said his feelings seem to be hurt. He shut the door so Ronnie couldn't be in there. Ronnie said he shuts it when he goes into one of his baby moods. Howard said that's kind of what he was after. Robin said he wasn't upset until he went home and people told him how bad his beating was.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to keep the door shut for weeks. Scott said it wasn't locked. He said he they said what they wanted to say about him on the air yesterday. Howard said he loves it when it's awkward because more work gets done around there. Scott said he was an asshole for asking for food and all of that stuff.
Howard asked where they are at right now. Scott said if that's the way they want to treat him then he's just going to do his work and close his door. Howard asked if he's going to do more shows. Scott said he's not if they're going to rip him a new a-hole every time. Scott said he put in some time working on the show. He said he wanted to entertain people.
Ronnie said he catches shit there all the time but he might get a little mad. He said he doesn't lock anyone out. Scott said if Ronnie is his only friend there then he doesn't have any friends. Ronnie asked Scott why he doesn't lock Howard out. Howard said he's locked out too but he doesn't want to go in there anyway.
Scott said Ronnie and the guys were busting his balls about when he left and things like that. He said it wasn't fair because he stuck around and there were no people left in the club when he left. Ronnie said they give each other advice all the time and now Scott is upset with him for joking around a little bit.
Howard asked Ronnie if he fucked up his gig by playing sound effects. Ronnie said he didn't care about that. Ronnie said he gets his balls busted constantly there.
Robin asked if they had said Scott was wonderful and nothing happened then no one would want to see him in the future. Howard asked if he's going to keep the door shut all day. Scott said he might. He said he's done that before. Ronnie said he only does it when he doesn't want to be bothered by the camera guys or when people want to go in and watch the show on the monitors. Ronnie said none of that is going on and this is the way for him to retaliate on him.
Ronnie said he'll just shut his mouth to Scott and not talk to him. Howard said the two of them are always talking to each other and Ronnie really is Scott's only friend. He said it's bad luck to go into that studio anyway.
Howard said Gary told him about how Scott talks about them behind their backs. Howard said he's like a woman. Howard asked Gary what the garage guy said Scott told them. Scott said he hasn't parked in that garage in 3 months. Gary said he knows.
Gary said that Scott used to park in the garage and the garage guy would tell him what Scott said about them. He said that Scott was telling them that they're cheap and they don't give him a raise and all of this other stuff. He said he was just trying to get out of his car and the garage guy was telling him all of this stuff. He said that he told him that stuff like 5 times. Scott said he didn't bitch about Howard. Gary said he did too. He said that he told the garage guy that Howard is cheap and doesn't help him out.
Howard said he went to bat for Scott at K-Rock and kept him working for him. He said that he put his job on the line for the guy and this is how he treats him. He said he told them that he would leave if they got rid of Scott. He said he wasn't in the position to boss anyone around. Scott said he likes working there and he would have gone somewhere else if he didn't like it there.
Gary said Scott talks a lot and he has to hear about it. Scott said he's been threatened about having his pass cut off so he can't get back in the building. Howard said it's not cool to bitch to the garage guy. Scott said he had to leave that garage because he can't afford that place. Ronnie said that he told him he could get him in a cheap place but Scott didn't want to walk that far. He said he did it for Will and he'd do it for Scott but it was too far to walk. Scott said it was in a bad neighborhood. He said the garage is on 9th and 43rd and he'd have to walk through Times Square.
Howard said he doesn't want Ronnie in Scott's studio anyway. He said he doesn't want them wasting time there. Scott said there is no yentaing going on. Ronnie said he only talks to him when he's done doing what he does. Howard said he's never done. He said he wants that door shut from now on. He said he prefers that. Howard said he wants Scott working.
Howard said Chuck doesn't understand and wants him to talk to him but he's not going to do that. Howard said Chuck is great on that show. He said that he has all kinds of stories to tell about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Chuck said he was out to dinner with him just the night before the shit broke loose with the maid. Chuck said he has to ask Arnold what he's thinking banging that chick who looks like a dude with a wig on.
In another clip Chuck told a story about how he was doing security with Charlie Sheen and he told him to do his own thing and not have anyone else up on stage. He said he changed up his act thanks to him. He said the guy had no act. Chuck said it was pretty wild.
Howard said Jeffrey Ross was supposed to roast Charlie at one show but Chuck had to fill in for him when Jeff didn't show up. Howard played that clip where Chuck talked about using Jeff's material and reading his notes while he was filling in for Jeff. Chuck told some of the jokes that he was telling that night. He said there were about 5,000 people there that night too.
Howard said maybe Chuck can fix the show that Ronnie and Scott do. Ronnie and Scott got back to their little fight. Howard told Scott not to bad mouth him to the garage guy. Scott said he's not bad mouthing him. He said it must have been a particularly bad day though. Howard thanked Scott and let him leave. That led to Fred playing Crackhead Bob singing ''Had a Bad Day'' as they were wrapping up. Howard said that poor wall has to go listen to Scott now. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jimmy Fallon is coming in and he's a real talent with impressions he does. He played a clip from ''America's Got Talent'' where he was on a show doing a bunch of impressions like Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Norm MacDonald and others. Howard said it's amazing when he can just switch between them like that.
Howard said that was really impressive stuff. He said he wrote Jimmy a note after he saw his Neil Young impression on his show. Howard said he never writes notes like that. He said the whole reason he's talking about this is to show how wonderful he is.
Howard said that Oprah has agreed to do 70 hours annually on her cable network. That's twice as much as she originally agreed to do. He said it's weird that she has to grab up everything she can and puts zero energy into it. Howard said they invested in a whole channel for her and now she's feeling the pressure.
Howard said the other thing that's feeling pressure is that Spider-Man play. He said that Bono wants to go on American Idol and perform a song from the play. That's supposed to happen this week. Gary said they were going to put U2 songs into the play too. Robin said some of that music in the play is the worst you've ever heard on Broadway. The guys were saying that they'll eventually work in ''Sunday Bloody Sunday'' into the play when they ask what day it is. Gary said they could work in ''New Year's Day'' too. Fred played ''Sunday Bloody Sunday'' while they were talking about that.
Howard said he should play some stuff while they wait for Jimmy. He said he has to get to Steve Langford too. Howard had Steve come in. Steve said that Jackie the Joke Man is in a new commercial for some kind of camera. Steve said they also have a story about George Takei doing a PSA where he suggests not saying ''gay'' but say ''Takei'' instead.
Steve said that Gary has done an interview where he talked about his botched Mets pitch. He said they also have a story about Lisa Lampanelli writing a check for the Gay Men's Health Crisis for $50,000. She did that after telling her fans that she would donate $1,000 for every Westboro Baptist Church protester that showed up to protest her show.
Howard said he liked the new Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did recently. He played that after Steve wrapped up. This was the bit they did with Fake Arnold having phone sex with this author.
Howard asked what Fake Arnold's real name is. Gary said it's Josh Thompson. Howard said he knows the name but no one else does.
Howard asked Jimmy about his audition for Saturday Night Live and if he did impressions. Jimmy said he did. Howard said he's impressed with the way he can switch between them so quickly. Jimmy said he had an act at the time and he had a Troll doll that someone had given him as a gift in high school. He said he didn't know what to do with it so he used to do voices in his bedroom with the doll. Howard asked if his family knew he could be a comedian or did they think he was wasting his time. Jimmy said they just figured they'd let him try it and fail.
Howard said Jimmy got on SNL at 23 years old. He asked if he got the job right away. Jimmy said he got one audition and he thought it was all over after that. He said they saw his set and didn't like him. He said they passed on him. He said he did this troll bit where he had the comedians talking about the troll doll. He said that his manger was the one who got them to come to the show.
Jimmy said he was in college at the time and he was working for this place called Metroland. He as the secretary there. He said the owner of the place was in the music business and he gave him his head shot to keep him in mind for anything. He said that guy went out to Los Angeles and he got a call a couple of weeks later and they thought he might have something. He said he wanted to be on SNL so they told him to go out to L.A. to take acting lessons. Jimmy said he did that and learned how to improvise and do the best he could.
Howard asked if anyone else was in that group with him. Jimmy said he didn't remember anyone coming out. He said there was one guy who is in Bridesmaids but that's about it.
Howard said Jimmy did his thing with the troll doll. Jimmy said that you should wait until you're ready. He said that Tracy Morgan auditioned that same night. He said he thinks they were looking for a black cast member at the time so that's why it worked out for him.
Jimmy said that Tracy did something funny and he got hired. He said he knew he wasn't good himself so he wasn't surprised he didn't get hired. Howard said Jimmy might be underrated with his impressions. He said he does so many of them. Jimmy said he can do so many of them and you just do what you think the people do.
Howard said he does an impression of Seinfeld and it doesn't really sound like him. Jimmy started to do some of his Seinfeld impression and said that he sounds kind of like him when he yells. He said Jerry came on SNL and he did his impression with Jerry. He said Jerry kind of changed his voice to sound more like the impression.
Jimmy told Howard he does a Charlie Sheen impression too. Howard said he heard that. Jimmy told Howard how he came up with it and did some of the impression for Howard. He said that he sounds kind of like Johnny Carson but gruffer. He did some of that impression for a few seconds. Howard said he even takes on Charlie's face when he does it.
Howard asked how he got the second audition for SNL. Jimmy said he had someone set up the audition and he was told not to do the Troll doll thing again. Jimmy said he was 23 years old and he did some impressions but he did it as a celebrity Walk-a-thon. Howard said it would have been great if he had just brought out a different doll. Jimmy said it was basically the same thing with the impressions but without the doll. He said that Lorne Michaels doesn't usually laugh during the auditions so he was told about that. He said everyone tells you that Lorne won't laugh. He said that every person would tell him that. Jimmy said he did the audition and did all of his voices. The last one he did was Adam Sandler. He said that no one did an impression of him. He said he did the impression and it was better back then and it made Lorne laugh. He said he thought that he had nailed it after that. He did because they hired him.
Howard said Jimmy became a big break out star but he doesn't think that they tapped into half of his impressions. Jimmy said they did but he only did them once. Howard said he sees that ''What Up With that'' bit on the show every week. Jimmy said he did impressions just once and he would say no if they asked him to do them more than once. Jimmy said he was an idiot for doing that. Howard said he could watch Jim Breuer do that Pesci impression every hour. He loved that. Howard said they could have done the Adam Sandler show every week. Jimmy said he just did everything once.
Howard said he knows Jimmy does Neil Young and he wrote him a note about that. He asked what he does when he does Bowie. Jimmy said he hasn't done that on his show yet because he's waiting for him to come out with his book.
Howard asked if Bruce Springsteen did his show for a week because of the impression. Jimmy said it was just one show but he did the whole show. Jimmy said he did an impression of him on the Emmys and that led to them getting Bruce to do his show. He said they came up with the idea to do ''Whip Your Hair Back and Forth'' as Neil Young. He said they had Bruce come in and do the song with ''Neil.'' Jimmy played some of that and did his impression of Neil and Bruce.
Jimmy said they even had Bruce dress like he was in the 70s. He said that he brought his sunglasses from the Born to Run tour. Jimmy said Bruce asked for a floppy hat too. He said he was in the make up room and asked if he wanted to wear a wig too. He said Bruce didn't want to do that. Jimmy told him to just try the wig on when no one else was in the dressing room. Jimmy said Bruce loved the look with the wig and the hat on. He said Bruce went out in the hall and saw his manager and the manager almost started crying when he saw him. He said he was dressed like he did 30 years ago. Jimmy said it was a weird moment.
Howard said he would be nervous putting a wig on the guy. He said he must be used to doing that kind of stuff after doing SNL. Jimmy said he did a show where he wanted James Brown to come out and end the show. He said he asked for it and they went out and got him to do it. He said they told him to call him Mr. James Brown and all of that. He said that he called him that and James told him ''Call me James...'' He said even he was embarrassed by it.
Howard said Lorne Michaels is an incredible guy. He said that Lorne said he would only executive produces the show that Conan left if they let Jimmy host it. He said the guy really put his balls on the line for him. He said he's become his closest ally. Jimmy said the guy has seen it all a thousand times. He said he has great advice for the show and he doesn't have to take it but he will take 99.9 percent of the advice. Jimmy said that Lorne told him that he should host award shows with other people. He said he wanted to do it alone and he told Lorne that. He said Lorne is willing to admit when he's wrong too.
Jimmy said that they have cut jokes that Lorne didn't like. Howard said he saw Lorne out in California and he told him he's a genius. Howard said he keeps finding these people and reinventing that show. He said that he saw Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids and she's great. Jimmy said the guy is very smart and he will mould people. He said that he'll even tell you to not wear so many prosthetics on your face so people know who it is.
Jimmy said that they used to make each other laugh on the show and they don't like that. He said they got really comfortable with each other though so it was good. Howard said that the Carol Burnett show was like that and it became the thing you don't do. He said they got mad at Frank Zappa for cracking up once. He said it must have been okay by the time Jimmy was on the show. Jimmy said he's sure that it happened before he did it.
Howard asked Jimmy when he gets to work. Jimmy said he works from about 10 in the morning until 10 at night or later. He said the show takes up a lot of his time. He said that he thinks eventually he'll be able to cut back. He said he wants to be like Regis and go in at 9:45 and leave by 11:05. Jimmy said he wants to get the show off the ground and cruise at a nice altitude and then cut back.
Howard said Craig Ferguson is up against Jimmy but it's a neck and neck kind of thing. Jimmy said they switch it off and they'll take 3 days a week and Craig will take 3 days a week. Howard asked if he's perplexed when he doesn't beat him in the ratings. Jimmy said he tries to do whatever he can to get people to tune in. He said he's not sure how the ratings work but it might be people just falling asleep. He said that they just leave the channel on and they fall asleep.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's a good guitar player. He said he's really not. He knows like 4 chords and that's it. Howard said he saw him singing with Justin Timberlake and they were great. He said they were singing a Bee Gees song. Howard asked if anyone else does a Barry Gibb impression other than Jimmy. Jimmy said he and his buddy never got invited to parties in high school. He said he had friends but he wasn't popular. Howard said he figured he would have been popular. Jimmy said he didn't get laid a lot in school.
Jimmy said he had one friend and his parents would let them drink in the house. They would get drunk and listen to the Bee Gees. He said they would sit around singing and he remembers his sister coming and telling him what a nerd he was. Jimmy did some of the impressions of the Bee Gees. He said he and his announcer wrote some bits with Barry Gibb where he gets really angry even though the guy isn't known for that. He said they would do that and the whole sketch doesn't make sense. He said they're dressed like they're in the 70s but they're talking to people in today's world about politics.
Howard said Jimmy is there to promote his book and he has to leave soon. He said that the book is called ''Thank You Notes'' and that's from a bit he does on his show. Jimmy read some of the ''Thank You Notes'' that he has in the book. He had Howard and Robin cracking up at those.
Howard said Jimmy is going to be doing a book signing tomorrow night. Jimmy asked if he's ever done one. Howard said he has and he has stayed for 10-12 hours to sign every single book. Jimmy said he will do that and he'll stay 4 hours if he has to. Jimmy said he remembers going to a Toys R Us to get an autograph from Dwight Gooden. He said they got photocopies of his autography. Howard said that's good. Jimmy will stay there and sign every book. He said he'll be there for like 23 days.
Howard and Robin asked if he likes working for NBC. Jimmy said they're great to him. Howard asked if they would pay him if he had brought in millions of subscribers and made the company what it is. Jimmy said he thinks that they would. Howard said that sounds like the kind of place he'd like to work. He told Jimmy to bring back the Troll bit. He said he should do it for Lorne Michaels.
Jimmy said he did Howard's show when he started getting famous and he went to Yankee Stadium with Lorne. He said that the crowd there started changing his name and doing that clap thing. He said that Lorne told him that he must have been busy that summer.
Howard said that Jimmy's show almost got put on at 1 in the morning and Jimmy didn't care. Jimmy said that it wouldn't move that much so he wouldn't care. He said that the college kids are awake and that's who's watching the show now. That and the people who fall asleep watching ''The Voice.''
Howard asked Jimmy about the power meeting he had out in Los Angles. Howard said Jimmy got up and left in the middle of the conversation. Howard said he was watching the meting and it was Jimmy with Mario Batali, Lorne Michaels and David Beckham. Howard said it was Brad Grey's wedding out there so that's why there were so many famous people in one place. Howard said he got to talk to Martin Short out there and had a good time doing that. Howard said he was getting a note from Gary yelling at him that Jimmy had to go. They had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was busy during the break and didn't hear the song. Robin said she can't believe that Bono is going to be on American Idol.
Howard said Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, is looking for a Sugar Daddy and they're going to have a contest to find someone. Howard said that things aren't easy out there for a girl. He said you can email them at email@example.com and include ''Date Miss Howard Stern'' in the subject. Robin asked if they're going to check the guy's backgrounds.
Howard said Andrea has been leaving messages for them for the past couple of months about how they don't treat her right. He played some of the messages where Andrea was telling Gary about how they don't seem to give a F about her. She said she loves Howard but she doesn't think he sees the way they treat her. Howard said he asks Gary every day about her and he never tells him that she calls. Howard
Andrea has been going to real estate school and she passed. She told Gary he should try going and see if he can pass.
Howard said that Andrea might take a guy who is making 100 grand a year. He said you don't have to be super rich. Howard said he's not sure how many guys would put up with that.
,Howard said this is what he hated about riding the subway. He said you never have a normal ride. It was always filled with terror. He said you have no idea what's on this guy's mind. Robin said that it's not as bad being on a bus because you can stop and open the door. You're locked in the subway when you're on the subway.
Howard said that this guy must have a had a contract with Sirius and management didn't understand that they had to pay. That must be why he snapped. He said he kind of sounds like a young Cousin Brucie. Howard said this must be how he got his start.
Howard played more of the clip and someone was asking the nutty guy if he ever gets violent. He just kept making noise. Robin said crazy people are left alone most of the time. No one wants to mess with them. This guy just kept going on and on with the noises. Howard said he had another two minutes of that.
Howard said this isn't like porn where guys are cumming too loudly. He played a porn clip where a fight broke out when champagne got poured on a woman's vagina. Gary said it was a video from a porn set where this woman gets upset about the champagne and then a fight breaks out.
Howard played the clip and this woman was in pain from the champagne being spit on her vagina. She flips out and goes off on this other chick on the set. The other chick said she was being mean to her for no reason. They tried to calm them down but the girls kept yelling.
Howard asked if this was an outtake or part of a porno movie. JD came in and said it was an outtake. He said they do that kind of thing on some DVDs to show the crazy stuff that goes on behind the scenes. Howard played more of the clip where the women were yelling. Howard said it sounded kind of like Lily Tomlin yelling on the set of a movie. He said it wasn't far off.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever had anything on her vagina. Robin said she never does that. Howard said he thinks he did an ice cream thing with some girls. Not with Beth though. Howard said he's fond that women don't like ice cream on their pussy. Howard asked if any women wanted to eat chicken wings off his balls.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Robin and Todd. He said that the fans were split on that. Some of the people thought he was right and some thought he was a little rough on her.
Howard said he went crazy from the Dancing with the Stars show last night. Howard said there's one guy who puts his hands all over this young girl on the show. He said the guy is just creepy and it drives him crazy. He said the girl doesn't seem to be into it. He said Beth isn't freaked out by it so much but it bothers him. Howard said the guy is grabbing and touching and it's just not right. He said it's kind of like this guy Sussy. He said he doesn't care that Sussy goes and rides his bicycle for a year. He said it doesn't impact him at all. He said it just makes no sense to him that he's doing it. Howard said if he's going to do that then just do him one favor and don't ask him for money. He said he doesn't want him complaining and doesn't want him going on welfare. He doesn't want him asking for hand outs.
Robin asked how long he should be allowed to ride that bike. Howard said he rides a bike and it's fine for Sussy to be on a bike. He said he has nothing to do with that. He said it's fine to do it at 8 years old. Robin said then he wouldn't be able to ride across the country.
Howard said Sal and Richard were out asking people about Sussy. They asked various people about the bike riding and what they think. A bunch of people said they should let people do what they want and but out of people's lives. Howard said Sussy asks for donations and he would never give him one. He said he wouldn't have the balls to ask someone for money to ride his bike.
Howard said he hates going to work but he has to work. He said they should call it ''blows'' because work blows. Howard said he would rather be out riding his bike. He played clip after clip of Sal and Richard asking people about what he's had to say about Sussy. Howard said if he did quit his job he wouldn't bike ride anywhere. He said of course he's jealous but no one is going to foot the bill for him to ride a bike.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if he did have that desire. Howard said he would work hard his whole life and maybe travel when he's retired. He said that's common sense.
Howard said he really doesn't care that Sussy is out learning about organic farming. He said he's riding a bicycle to do it. He said he's going to go out and learn photography by bicycling. Howard said he heard from a farmer who said he'd kick Sussy off his farm if he showed up there.
Howard said he agrees with these people who say he should go off and ride his bike. He said that's fine. He said maybe he'll learn how to be a surgeon by riding a bicycle. Howard said he didn't even interact with Sussy. He said the guy hid in his office the whole day.
Howard played a couple more clips and then Gary told him that Sussy was on the phone. Howard picked up and asked how his ride is going. Sussy said he's back in the city for an event on Saturday. He said that the trip is about beer, not about farming. Howard said people think that he should give him money. Sussy said he has never asked him for a cent. He said he told Howard that people could donate if they wanted to. He said he didn't ask Howard for money.
Sussy said when his wife joins him it's going to be about the farming. Howard said he'd like to see how his wife will be in 10 years when he's biking. Sussy said in 10 years he won't be riding his bike. Howard said he knows that because he'll have to sell the bike to pay for health insurance. Robin asked if he threw up in someone's house out on the road. Sussy said he did over indulge one night with a friend. Howard said he's glad that he won Robin over in this. Robin said he's taking a year off to drink irresponsibly.
Howard said he's not going to donate. Sussy said that's fine. He said he's going to be visiting farms soon but right now he's not. Gary said that Sussy was calling to say he had never asked for a penny. Sussy said that people can donate on his web site FoodCyclist.com if they want. Sussy asked Howard if he was coming to his event this weekend. He said the event is to benefit Farm Aid. He said that they'll have beer and pizza at Roberta's pizza on the 28th. Howard said he's tapped out so he won't be contributing. Howard had him get in another plug for his web site since he didn't understand a word he said.
Howard said he would love to be able to ride a bike like this. He said he has responsibilities and he can't do that. Sussy said he's learning a lot out on the road and he'll call him back in a couple of years when he's making a ton of dough. Howard thanked him for that. Sussy said he's done a lot of work. He said Howard has no idea what he's been up to. Howard said the whole thing is so he can ride a bike and drink beer. Howard said he's not learning marketing. He said he doesn't know the half of it.
Howard said he sat in a room with a guy last night and he is in marketing. He said that guy went to college and got a job in marketing. Howard said he has to go because Sussy is making him crazy. Howard said this guy didn't ride a bike and drink beer. Howard said Sussy is going to end up working in a Super Market.
Sussy said he's gotten a bunch of job offers already. He said he got a job offer to write. Howard said he's a bullshit artist. Sussy said he's not a bullshit artist. He said he's nothing but honest. Robin said she just wants to hear that he's riding his bike and drinking beer for a year. That's all he's doing. Howard told Sussy to give him the name of any company that asked him to write. Sussy said he's not going to say.
Howard had Sussy's replacement, John, come in. John came in and said that he's glad Sussy is out there doing this because he has a job. He said he'd rather be out there doing what Sussy is doing but he has bills to pay. Howard told John to go out and ride a bike and see if he can get a job after that. Howard told him to quit today and go out asking for donations. Howard said Donald Trump got started riding a bike in Spandex and asking for donations. Sussy said he looks good in Spandex. Howard said of course he does. He works out all day.
Howard said he has to get back to work and do the news. Sussy said that he's been doing a lot of good work out there for people too. He said people are eating better and things like that because they've been inspired by him. Howard said it's all fine. He wishes him the best but leave him alone. Sussy said that he has left him alone. He said it's the fans that won't leave him alone. Howard let him get in another plug for his web site FoodCyclist.com and let him go.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a little time talking about Jimmy Fallon's appearance.
Robin read about a couple in Toronto who are raising their child genderless. They're not going to tell anyone what the sex of the baby is. Howard said that sounds like a huge waste of time. He said that there seems to be a lot of Beyonce yelling about how girls rule the world. He said she must not be told about how they're treated like shit around the world. He talked about Oprah's show and how she was going nuts when they would say something like ''We matter'' during her show.
Howard said he got a note from Beth about this dog Pugsly who is looking for a home. Howard said she had the dog on TV with her and he's really well behaved. Howard said it has to go to a single dog household.
Howard said the Oprah thing is actually ''We are enough.'' He said he's not even sure what that means. He played some of Beyonce's speech on her show. Howard said Robin has no idea what was going on there. They were in a stadium and there were tons of people there cheering while music was playing. Robin said it sounded like a graduation. She was talking about women running the world. Howard said ''Go talk to the women in Afghanistan about running the world.''
Howard said Dakota Fanning was there and she appears to be growing up as a nice young woman. He said she's looking attractive and that's good for being in Hollywood. He said there are many kids who are cute but don't grow up cute.
Howard said they have to keep Kirstie Alley on Dancing with the Stars. He said she's looking almost attractive and healthy. He said that she needs to keep losing weight. Howard said she should pay that guy to keep dancing with her. Howard said she's still kind of chubby though. Howard said he goes berserk when he sees that guy lift her up. He said she's the size of an elephant and that guy is lifting her up. Howard said that there are a lot of embarrassing people on the show. He said Jennifer Grey sits in the audience and she just wants to get back on the show. Robin said she thinks that they're lobbying to get the best dancers on the show to have a dance off. Howard said he heard that Kelly Preston is trying to get on the show. He's not sure why they wouldn't let her. Howard said that they want that fat black kid from the Disney channel and not Kelly Preston or Melanie Griffiths. Howard said he would like to see Octomom and Mr. T on the show. Robin said they should do their own show. Howard said he's too busy. He's not looking for more work. He wants less.
Howard played more of Oprah's show and had some of Madonna talking about her and going on and on about her. Howard did an impression of Madonna and made his own speech.
King of All Blacks called in and said that some women come off too strong. He said that Robin is like that. He said that she's got too much girl power. He said that's what Beyonce is like too. Howard did more of his Oprah speech and went on and on about how great Oprah is. Howard played more of the audio clip of Madonna going on and on.
Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard going out and asking people who is better, Oprah Winfrey or Howard Stern. One woman out of the bunch said ''Howard.'' Howard said they should take a break but Robin had more audio of Oprah to play before they did. They went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and said that Dakota Fanning was saying that ''We are enough'' thing on Oprah. He played a clip of her talking about that. Robin said that it's like they're saying they don't have to be anything more than they are. Howard said it's like that Al Franken bit he used to do on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he was the most unlikable human being when he'd do that bit.
Robin said they were expecting the end of the world on Saturday. Now the guy, Harold Camping, is saying that this was actually the judgment and he got the math wrong. He's saying that we're all dying on October 21st. Robin said a lot of people spent their life savings thinking it was the end of the world. Robin said one guy drove around with a neon sign on his car. He said that guy is now confused and perplexed. Robin said Camping is now saying things are inevitable and the apocalypse will happen on October 21st. Robin said Camping won't even preach sermons, he's just going to play religious music. Howard said Sal and Richard ran into that Asian guy who thought he was going to be sucked into rapture. He said they messed around with him for a little while. Howard played the audio of them asking if it was okay to lick a man's taint and things like that. The guy just kept telling them that any sin is wrong.
Robin read a story about a book that's going to be written by one of Sarah Palin's former said. Robin said that the book tells some behind the scenes stories. The writer tells a story about how they would have been ashamed to go to the White House if she had been elected.
Robin read a story about some DNA tests that were done to find out if Dominique Strauss-Kahn had left behind any fluids. Robin said that they found that the DNA did match some fluids that were found at the scene. Robin said that some French activists are trying to send roses to the woman that Strauss-Kahn allegedly raped. Robin said many people in France think it's a conspiracy to keep him from running in the French election.
Robin read a story about President Obama being over in London today. Robin had some audio of Obama speaking over there. He was reaffirming the bonds of affection between the United States and England.
Robin read a story about how many college grads are going to be doomed when they get out into the work world. She had some audio of a guy talking about how taking the sciences and engineering is what people need to do. Howard said he couldn't have done that. He said sometimes you don't know what the big thing in your life will be. He said he knew his buddy Dr. Lou was going to do fine when he went to medical school. Howard said not all that many people are smart enough to be a doctor. Howard said he wasn't smart enough for that. He spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about a new Dr. Death. This guy, Lawrence Egbert, has already helped 100 people commit suicide. Robin had some audio of that guy talking about what he's done. Howard said he sounds kind of like that guy who invented the Sybian. Howard said he likes these guys. He said he has no problem with them helping people like that.
Howard said he had some audio of Tim knocking over Jimmy Fallon's guitar earlier. Howard played the clip and explained how Tim comes in there and he has to arrange the pillows on the couch. He said if he sees them in disarray he has to arrange them and that's what he was doing when he knocked over the guitar. Howard said it's so funny when he does it. He said he'll knock the pillows over on purpose to see how long it takes to fix them. They had to end the show a short time later around 10:15am.
Jon moved on to talk about how Howard was set off today by management. He also mentioned Kidd Chris and how he lost another job and will be starting another one in Atlanta. Gary said he knows that Chris has been in a bunch of markets since he's known him.
Jon said they'll talk about Sussy's bike trip too. Jon said that Sussy may have lost some people when he said he wants to get into marketing. He said that everyone is paying attention to the cause so that's a good thing for him.
Jon said that Ronnie is still locked out of Scott's studio. He said that he hasn't seen Scott so upset in a long time. Gary said he's on Scott's list too. He said that he talked about that parking garage thing.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Jimmy Fallon. Jon asked if Jimmy Fallon is that nice of a guy all the time. Gary said he really does seem like a nice guy. He said he overheard him telling some people how nice they are up there once.
Jon brought up some of the stories Jimmy told about his parents letting him drink in the house as long as he didn't leave and things like that. Gary said he thinks that he and his sister weren't allowed to leave the yard so they would just ride their bikes around there. Gary said he's not sure how old Jimmy was when he was drinking at home. Gary said that Jimmy was very protected by his parents and Jimmy has said that he was kind of over protected.
Jon said that Jimmy talked about how he got to audition for Saturday Night Live twice and eventually got the job. Gary said he obviously had some talent because people saw his tape and took notice right away. Jon said that Jimmy seems to be a really nice guy who is doing really well. Gary said he likes Jimmy and he's seen some of his show and he seems to enjoy doing parodies instead of making fun of people. He said he's not skewering them. Jon said that's probably why he got Bruce Springsteen in there that time. Gary said that was a tough ticket to get. He tried to get in there that day and he wasn't able to.
Jon and Gary talked about the stuff Jimmy was saying about laughing during the sketches on SNL. Jimmy had a problem with that.
Jon asked how long Jimmy has been doing his show. It's only been two years. Jon said it seems like it's been longer. Gary said that Jimmy gets a lot of great guests on his show because the celebrities dig him. Gary said people will just stop by and do it and skip the bigger shows. Benjy asked if Jimmy Kimmel or Fallon is bigger. Gary said he thinks that Kimmel might be bigger because he's on at a different time.
Jon said it's unusual for Howard to send a note to someone like he did with Jimmy. He said that he doesn't do that much. Howard liked what he did with that Neil Young impression.
Jon asked the guys if they think it was a mistake for Jimmy to do his impressions just once. He said a lot of people say they beat things to death on that show. Gary said he'd imagine that you'd want to be known well for beating a bit to death instead of not being known. Benjy said he thinks that it was an artistic thing and he wanted to create something new. Gary said he heard that Eddie Murphy didn't like doing Gumby for a while so maybe that's what Jimmy was afraid of. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary asked Scott if he just didn't want to deal with Ronnie today. Scott said he didn't want to deal with bullshit and fallout from yesterday. Gary asked what he was expecting. Ronnie said there was no fall out. He said he walked in and said hello to him, that's it.
Scott said he didn't know what was going to happen today. He said he figured it was going to be a crazy day today. He thought there might be more coming down today after yesterday. Ronnie said that Scott told him he thought there was going to be a lot going on. He didn't know what was going to happen.
Scott said that Robin totally blanked out during the show today and had no clue what he was talking about. He said he can't remember what it was but that's what she did. He said that's one reason he calls her a Diva. He said she's full of herself a lot of the time.
Jon asked Scott what it was about the Meet and Greet that didn't go well. Jason was in the studio laughing at him so Scott did his impression of his laugh. It was actually pretty close.
Jason said he saw Scott in action last week and he was throwing up every road block he could. He said that Scott has some impression that his studio is private and they don't just go in there and use it. Scott said that people use his stuff and they take stuff out. Scott asked how he would like it if people took his stuff. Jason said he has a desk and Scott can use it anytime.
Jason said Scott's studio is a mess and it's got trash all over. He said that they were trying to do a show in there and he wasn't helping out at all. He said he's the biggest baby in the world. He said Scott is miserable and the bad experience was that much worse with Scott there. Scott said he wasn't miserable. Jason said he oozes misery.
Jon asked Scott if that's a fair assessment of what was going on. Scott said that he was annoyed that they were using it and leaving it a mess. Jason said Scott screamed at him 5 months ago when they used the studio to record something because they put the headphones away wrong.
Jason said that Tim told them that they had to do their show from in Scott's studio. He said that Scott was miserable from the start. Scott said he's been telling them that they had the studio set up wrong all along. He said they don't listen to him until they can't get Geektime running. He said now they're looking to spend $100,000 to get it right for that show. Gary said Scott is still angry about that. Scott said he's not angry. Gary and Jason said he is angry.
Scott said that he has things in a certain place and he doesn't want it moved. Jason said he has tapes and reels all over the place. Scott said he does not. Jason said he was going to take pictures in there and show that he does.
Gary said that Scott could have gotten his stuff out of the way so they could do their work. Jason said Scott did that eventually. Scott said he thought they had everything covered. He said they had too many cooks in there. He said it's his kitchen so he got out of the way and let them do what they had to do.
Jason said Gary asked him to bring a chair into the office for a guest. He said he went into Scott's office to get a chair and Scott has like 6. Scott cut him off saying that he doesn't have to bash him now. He said that this is another issue and this isn't about that issue. Scott said he's allowed to close his door and he's not sure why they're going off on this so much. He said Sal and Richard close their door all the time.
Jason said that Sal and Richard bend over backwards to help them out. He said Scott doesn't do that. Scott said he's helped Steve Brandano out many times. Steve said that's true. Jason said Scott gives everyone attitude. He said he's miserable and that's fine, that's who he is. Gary said that Scott has been an angry guy for years but it wore off a couple of years ago. He said that Jason used to go down and he found it was easier to trash him to Scott to get work done.
Jason said he would bring tapes down to Scott and Scott would freak out if he told him that Gary needed him to get the work done. Jason said he would walk in and tell him that ''This fucking Gary'' needed him to get this work done and he would just do it.
The guys all piled on Scott and said that they were all taking shit about the gig. Shuli came in and said that it was a fact that Scott was out of there moments after the show ended. Scott said that the place was empty when he left. Shuli said he must have gone out the back door then. Jon had to cut them off to take a break.
Jon asked Scott who got in his ear because he was a little upset. Ronnie said he wanted to know too. Jon said that some people were saying something to him. Scott said he spoke to some friends. Ronnie said he didn't speak to him. Scott said he was told he took a beating and he listened to the replay and it did sound like he took a big beating. Gary said he was taking his beating but on Howard 101 they were replaying his pitch.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has to stop quoting Twitter. He said he's like a 12 year old girl. Ronnie said it's like a CB radio.
Scott said that he's not being paid until the end of the week now and this is what it's become. He said the next thing he knows he won't get it until next week. Scott said they keep changing it and that's what he know would happen.
Shuli said that even if he had the check he wouldn't get it cleared until the end of the week. Scott said that he would still have the money though.
the phone caller said that Ronnie claims to be his friend but he was the roughest one on him. Ronnie said he was just going by what people on Twitter were saying. Scott asked if he had his own opinion. Ronnie said he did. They argued about Scott leaving early and all of that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thought Scott was miserable there. Ronnie said Scott didn't look happy to be there. He said he's standing by that. He said Scott couldn't wait to leave.
Jon asked Scott about telling the parking garage people about how they treat him up there. Gary said that he tends to talk out loud about stuff and he's heard it from other people too. Jon said that Scott claimed he left the garage 3 months ago but it doesn't matter because he still said it. Gary said talking about people behind their backs it's not helping.
Jon asked Scott if he knew Howard had his back at K-Rock. Scott said that Howard has said it before and he knows it. Benjy said that was a wow moment for him today when he said he would leave K-Rock if they fired Scott. He thought that was pretty cool.
Scott said that he's not going to talk to anyone at the garage anymore so they don't have to worry about this. Jason said that he's pissed at Scott and he's still angry about it. He said that he needed to get a broadcast up and running and he was throwing up road blocks. He said he should have just gotten up and left. Scott said that's what he did when he finished doing what he needed to do.
Scott said he must not be talking to people in confidence around there when he thinks he is. Jason asked if he's going to go back and make some secret phone calls with people. Scott said he doesn't do that. The guys ended the show a short time later. They went about 5 minutes long.
Howard started the show talking about Oprah's farewell show. He said Oprah's last shows are like a tribute to her and it's turning into a religion. He said that Maya Angelou was reading to Oprah and Alicia Keys was playing piano. He said he now knows how the bible was written. He said that it's going on with Oprah and people are worshiping her. He said that in a hundred years people are going to be worshiping her.
Howard played some audio of Maya talking about Oprah while Alicia Keys was playing piano. Howard said Oprah is the only one who is giving Maya any air time. He said he's not sure why that is.
Howard said he was reading in some article that Oprah refers to Sirius XM as XM and never mentions Sirius. Howard said she was signed by XM originally. He said he thing she just freaks out because they merged. He said that she went to XM and didn't go to Sirius so she doesn't want to hear about it. He said it's some weird delineation in her mind about it. Howard said she could care less about the company. $50 million is shit in a bucket for her. He said she never mentions the company on her show. He said she mentions her OWN network but not Sirius XM. Howard said $50 million is a lot to pay someone to come on the channels and she isn't promoting it. He said she promotes her network all the time.
Howard played more of Maya Angelou's rambling speech. He fast forwarded through quite a bit of it since it went on so long. Howard said he didn't want to bore Robin with the whole thing. Maya was going on and on about Oprah and how people listened to her for 25 years and she told people to be strong. Maya eventually just starts repeating Oprah's name over and over. Howard said this was like church. He said it was like the bible.
Howard said Beth loved this. He said he was criticizing it and Beth told him to stop. Howard said he loves Aretha Franklin and she came out to sing ''Amazing Grace.'' He said he loves that song because it's so simple. He said Aretha came out and started to sing and he felt bad for Oprah. She had to make all of these faces while the song was happening.
Howard said Aretha was singing and she started out with that voice warbling thing. He said he got the chills when he hears ''amazing grace'' but then the song became unrecognizable. Howard played some of that performance and showed how bad it was. Howard said it started out fine. He had no problem with the start of the song. He laughed as Aretha ruined the song.
Howard said that was not ''Amazing Grace.'' He said it was more like voice warm ups. He said he felt like he was in church listening to someone singing. He said by the time the song is over we'll all be dead.
Howard said he loves Steven Tyler and some of the other people on the show. He said that J-Lo blew him off at a party he was at. He said he got to speak to Marc Anthony though. He said J-Lo said hi to him but she looked like she was saying hello to satan.
Howard said the whole season of the show he didn't hear a negative word from the judges. He said this kid that sings country is boring. He said that he's not doing anything innovative or anything like that. Howard said he gets Rascal Flats and bands like that but not this kid. Howard said he didn't like Lauren Elena but she did better than that country kid. He said he told Beth that she had to vote for this girl. He said the kid, who looks like Alfred E. Newman, isn't cute either. He said they call him cute but he's not. He said he's not a great singer either. Howard said the kid blew it in the final show. He said he sings safe songs and that's that.
Howard said two of the votes for the girl are from him and Beth. He said that they were both calling. Beth actually voted twice. He said they tried voting more but they weren't able to get through. He said he saw that they could text so he went over to text and he wasn't able to get it working. He said Beth saw how worked up he was getting so she told him that her two votes were for both of them. Howard said he told Ronnie about the texting and found out from Ronnie that you have to have AT&T to vote via text. He didn't see that part.
Howard said that Ryan Seacrest reminded him that he had to vote or he didn't want to hear any complaints. Howard said he had to vote after that. Howard said he felt for this girl and he felt it was his job to vote for her. Howard said he did vote.
Howard said that not that many guys love romance with their wife. Just look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said Maria Shriver is hiding now but she has no reason to do that. Howard said Maria is humiliated because her husband fucked their maid. Howard said he was watching ''The View'' and he wanted to see Lady Gaga. He said he likes her. He said he wrote Gary about her coming to New York and not coming on his show. Howard said he wondered what the fuck was up with that. He said he got upset and started to become Anti-Lady Gaga but Gary informed him that they have a date with her in June. He said he's not sure why it's June but she is coming in.
Howard said Beth took a picture of him with his mom. He said he's learning Photoshop so he photoshopped his entire face over. He said it still didn't look that good. He said he had to clean up his own reality. He said he can't believe the way he looks. He said he's hideous and he's embarrassed to walk around.
Howard said he was proud of Maria Shriver going out and talking about her troubles. Howard said that she was telling Oprah about how she speaks the truth to her. Howard said that ''truth'' was the buzz word. Howard said she was taking a dig at Arnold with that. Howard said that one comedian was pointing out that all of the movies he's been in can be used in a joke about his cheating. Howard said that was Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live talking about that.
Howard said Maria is like 60 years old and she looks really good. He said George Lopez went out in a wig and dressed up like the maid. He said he looked exactly like her. Howard found out that Maria is only 55 so he said she's not that good looking for 55. He said she's good for 60. He was just joking around about that though.
Howard said he was watching The View and Barbara Walters must have a thing about Arnold. He said she was kind of defending him. She was telling the girls to stop talking about him. Howard said she was saying they don't know that he definitely had the affair. She was saying it was just an allegation. Howard said Joy Behar tried to explain to her what was going on. He said the whole show was shut down by Barbara Walters. He said it was very strange.
Howard said Barbara was a cheater so maybe she doesn't want to talk about it. Robin said that Howard cheated too. He slept with married women. Howard said he was trying to forget that. He said Arnold really fucked his wife over really good. He said there's cheating and then there's CHEATING.
Howard told Robin that he wasn't technically cheating. He said that sleeping with a married woman is being an accomplice to cheating. He said he didn't cheat. He said he's a different man now though. Howard said he has changed since those days.
Howard said you'd think that he would be better liked by women than Arnold. He said Sal and Richard went out and asked some women about that. Howard played the tape and Arnold got a most of the votes for being worse. Howard came close with a few women. One woman was saying that Howard looks worse. She said he's kind of dorky looking and not attractive. Howard said he bets he could get that woman into bed in 5 minutes. He said women are very shallow.
Howard said they asked about Dominique Strauss-Kahn too. Howard played that clip and people were saying that they hated DSK worse than Howard overall but there were a couple who said that Howard Stern was worse. DSK is the French guy who is accused of rape. Howard said he's been called worse than a rapist by two people.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out and did some other questions. He played that clip and they were asking women how disgusted they were with Maria Shriver driving her husband into cheating on her with the maid. The women didn't seem to like that question. One woman said she's worried that all men are like that. Howard said Tom Chiusano isn't like that. Fred Norris isn't like that. Howard said he's kind of a good man himself.
Howard played more of Sal and Richard's questions where they asked about Maria driving Arnold to cheat. One woman said she didn't think that was the case. One woman said she didn't want to do that and walked away. Howard said it is funny when those guys go out on the street and irritate women.
Howard played another one where Sal asked a woman the Maria question and she said she doesn't blame Maria at all. They asked her if she had any encouraging words for Arnold. She didn't have any words for him.
The guys asked another woman the same question and she didn't agree with the question either. Another woman said that maybe Arnold is just cheating like other famous people do. At one point Richard said that Arnold had fathered a lot of ''childs'' so Howard and Robin goofed on him about that. They had to take a break so Howard mentioned that Brian Johnson is coming in today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back in the middle of a conversation about The View asking how they can have a show about hot topics and not talk about a hot topic like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he was talking to JD about that.
Howard said there are all kinds of pictures of Arnold out in the papers this week. He said The Enquirer has a great picture of Lindsay Lohan's belly looking flabby. Howard said Kirstie Alley is looking really good. He said she has to keep dancing.
Howard said they have a new law in New York City about not smoking in public places. He said he sees smokers out there lighting up even more. He said they seem to be more defiant. He said they're saying they have rights and they believe in freedom. It makes you want to shake them and tell them that he doesn't want them smoking in his face. Howard said people don't like smoke and if you're a smoker you don't realize how bad it smells.
Howard said the cops don't have to issue tickets. He said it's a way of saying it's not right to do and it's up to the smokers to give it up and realize it's offensive. Howard said they're smoking even more and they're becoming defiant. Howard said they will not regulate themselves. Howard said the cops have enough to worry about and they're not going to give out tickets for this.
Howard said they have laws about picking up after your dog too. He said you can get fined for that too. Robin said the regular citizens will get after people if they don't pick up.
Howard said he was out on the street the other day and he saw homeless people out there. He said Mayor Giuliani had them all cleaned up but yesterday some homeless guy ended up yelling out his name as he walked down the street. He said he heard his name being cursed at for a whole block. Howard said he just walked somewhere and that's all he wanted to do. It all started within 15 seconds of walking out on the street.
Howard said he doesn't give any money to anyone on the street. He said they won't leave you alone if you do. Robin said she felt bad for Katherine Heigle because TMZ caught her out on the street and some bum came up to her asking for money and she gave the guy a $20 bill. Howard said he bets that these people are former bicyclists living on the street.
Howard said the guys on the street are bullies and shakedown artists. He said they bully people for money. Howard said he saw a show where they were talking about getting people an education because it gives the whole black community something when they do. He said that he was behind all of that.
Howard asked why his tape recorder sounds so bad. Benjy said he got it from work but he has to get a better one. Howard said they probably won't give him a good one there. Howard said they don't seem to like them there.
Howard said that he's wishing Joe Clayton luck over at Dish Network. Howard said Joe is the guy who hired him there. He said that Joe said something about him in an interview about how no one knew what Sirius was until they brought Howard Stern over. He said the guy was a terrific guy and a great executive. He said the people that work with him are very lucky. Howard said he brought him in as a partner there. He was about to start ranting again but he cut himself off saying he'd save it for the future. Howard said he had to get off of that.
Howard saw some commotion going on over by Fred. Fred said that his machine died and he's not sure what happened. Howard said he knew he was a murderer. He killed his Prophet system.
Howard played another clip of Benjy going to a Q and A for Morena Baccarin who was in ''V.'' Benjy tried asking a question during the big Q and A. Benjy asked her about where she was born and asked if she's not ''fully white.'' She didn't want to answer and they wrapped it up right after that. They cut it short because of him.
After Benjy did that some people came up to Benjy asking why he was asking that question. Benjy just kept asking why they wouldn't say that she wasn't fully white. Howard wondered why anyone would talk to Benjy. He said he's a lunatic.
Howard said he had some audio of a guy cumming very loudly in a foreign porn movie. He said he doesn't like foreign porn. He said that our porn actors are so much better. Howard played the clip and the guy was yelling when he was cumming. Howard said he sounded like he was changing into a werewolf. Howard asked Robin how fast she'd get out of the house if he did that.
Howard said High Pitch Eric wants to go out and do interviews like Benjy but he's so bad at it. He played a clip of Eric asking what Memorial Day means to people. He was asking what people eat and things like that. The audio was horrible with wind noise blowing through it. Howard said Eric sounded pretty professional. He said the audio equipment was as good as theirs.
Lisa said they are going to shoot a pilot for Ronnie's show and they're hoping that he'll be the Oprah for young men.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he disagrees with him about the smoking thing. He said maybe that's because he's a smoker. Howard said of course it is. The caller said he always smokes away from people. Howard said people still smell it. The caller said saying that you can't smoke outdoors is ridiculous. Howard said he's involved with the most ridiculous habit in the world. He said if he quit today he wouldn't have any issues. Howard said he doesn't want to breath in his smoke. The caller said he thinks Howard is a hypocrite. Howard said when he smokes it affects him. Howard said he has to be involved with his vice. Howard said it's bad enough and he doesn't want to put up with it. The caller said that it's a freedom issue. Howard said he doesn't have the freedom to kill him. He's polluting his lungs. The caller said that's ridiculous. Howard said second hand smoke causes cancer so he doesn't want it. The caller told him to give him a fucking break. Howard said he doesn't care if he shits in the park as long as he doesn't step in it. He just doesn't want to smell his smoke. Howard said he wants the freedom to breathe in clean air.
Howard and the caller went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. The caller doesn't get why it's a problem for people to smoke in public. Howard said he doesn't want to breathe it in so get with it. The caller asked if he has to quit smoking just because he doesn't like it. Howard said he doesn't have to quit, he just can't smoke in places where it affects people. Howard said he can't jerk off in public and now you can't smoke in public. Do it in your own home. Howard said that anyone who disagrees with him is no longer a fan. He hung up on the guy.
Howard said that Sean Hannity's ratings have been dropping lately. He said Rush Limbaugh is losing listeners too. He said they never disagree with the republican party at all so that's why. He said that he loves that. Howard said he doesn't need to listen to Rush to know what he thinks. He just says what any republican says. He said that Rush's career isn't over though. Robin said she hopes it is because they do so much negative stuff to hurt the country. Howard said people could say that about them too.
Howard said Howard TV is releasing the second Behind the Scenes show. He mentioned some of the stuff they have coming up in that show. They have the segment where Benjy is dressed up like a horse. That show is coming out on June 7th.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Ronnie is also going to be auditioning for a show called ''Wheels.''
Lisa said that Richard Christy's sister lives in Joplin, Missouri which was hit by a tornado this week. Richard has some other family down there too. She said that Richard's brother in law and niece were in a Walmart that was demolished during the storm. They're okay though.
Howard said he thinks that he didn't get invited to Richard's wedding. He thought it was coming up soon. Howard said he won't go but he didn't get an invitation. Gary said Richard said the invitations didn't go out yet. Howard said he won't go in the middle of the summer.
Howard asked Lisa if she's doing something because she's glowing. He said maybe it's that news jacket. He said she looks terrific. Lisa said it might be her work out regimen. She said maybe her face is getting more blood flow. Howard asked if she's having sex. She said she's not. Howard asked if she botoxed. Lisa said she needs some but she isn't doing it. She said she's just working out, that's it. Howard told her she looks attractive. He let her go after that.
Howard said he was going through his email last night and 90 percent of it is people asking for favors. Howard said he feels like the Godfather when he gets requests to come on the show and things like that. Howard said he sometimes just doesn't answer.
Howard said he got a picture from Tracey about huge skid marks in the private bathroom there. He said it was almost a doody from the residue in the toilet. Howard said Tracey asked if anyone was offended by it. Howard said he was offended by the picture. Robins said she was too. Howard said that he told Tracey to check the log and see who used the bathroom. Howard said she checked into it and Gary said that it's not like someone left a shit in there. Howard said that Gary was defending it so much he was thinking it was him. Gary said he was gone by 2 and it happened between 3 and 5:30.
Howard said Tracey has the results but the guys told him she wasn't there yet. Howard asked if she's the only one with the results. Gary said he thinks she is.
Howard said he has done that a million times and he's had to clean up the skid marks. Howard said he will never leave a doody in his toilet. Benjy said he worries that he'll be blamed but he only peed. He said they're going to blame it on the person who was last in the toilet. Benjy said he didn't remember seeing any skid marks. Howard said it must have been Benjy. Benjy said he didn't do it and he knows he'll get blamed. He said he pees a lot.
Howard said they'll find out who did it. Benjy said it wasn't his shit. He said he goes in and cleans it like Howard does when he does skid mark the toilet. Howard said he must be guilty. He said he should just confess now. Benjy did but then he swore he didn't do it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was thinking about how people were so excited about Bin Laden's death that people were singing on the subway. He had a clip of people singing the Star Spangled Banner on the subway. Howard said an even better piece of tape was a guy trying to get it going on his subway but it was a few days later and it didn't work. Howard played the clip and the guy was trying to get people to chant ''U.S.A.'' but no one joined him. Howard said that didn't work out for him. Robin said that must feel pretty bad when you don't get anyone to chant with you.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked who is a bigger mess, Charlie Sheen, Andy Dick or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said it was Andy Dick and thanked him for the call.
Howard said Arnold has plenty of money. He said he will go on. Charlie Sheen completely self destructed but he can still go out with no act and make money. Andy is off his rocker. Howard said he sees him being arrested for all kinds of bizarre behavior. Howard said he loves the guy but he's fucking up. Howard said he was on Celebrity Rehab and that's bottom of the barrel kind of stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they scrapped that Gotti movie project. He said he heard that Matthew Perry was on it and he said it was scrapped. Howard said that doesn't sound right to him. He said they started the report on it because of Stuttering John. He said he wishes them luck with it.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said they had a nice shot of Beth in the NY Post. He said they say he's been taking racy pictures of her. Howard said he has been Tweeting some of those pictures. That's what they're referring to. Howard said he didn't think it was a news worthy. Howard said Bobo knows that so he's not sure why he calls in with that.
Another caller said that he was calling to disagree with him but he loves the show. He said he was calling because he's off base politically sometimes. Howard asked how he can say that to another human being. Howard said he has a different view than this guy and he says he's off base. The caller said that Hannity criticizes the republican party and so does Rush. Howard said when it comes to their politics it's a republican agenda. Howard said Rush never says that he's for anything the democrats are for. The caller said he does criticize them. Howard said that's only when they're not republican enough. Howard told the guy to go listen to him, he doesn't need it.
Howard played the clip and Sour was telling Jimmy about how they had an idea for him to call into the show to do something. Sour told Jimmy what the idea was a lame idea. Howard said Gary asked if it sounded like him. Howard said it really does. Gary said it was Jimmy's assistant that thought it was really him. Jimmy knew it was Sour as soon as he heard it.
Howard played another clip of Sour leaving a second message since his first one got cut off. Howard laughed at the impression. He seemed to think it was really close. Howard said Sour gets in all of the references. He mentioned that he was doing pre-promotion for his book. Howard said Gary said that once. Gary said Robin has said it too. Howard said that it's either promotion or no promotion. Gary said that's what they would say in the marketing meetings he's had over the years. Howard said they're a bunch of shitheads that say that. You don't pre-promote something. He said that you're promoting it if you mention it. Gary said he's not feeling that strongly that he has to argue it.
Howard asked if Sirius is on in Japan now. Benjy said he didn't know but he liked having the Asian people up there. Howard said they must be real geniuses there based on the golden parachutes people are getting. He said he now realizes that they get them for these brilliant ideas.
Howard read about this Yoshiki thing who is a guy from a band called X Japan. The guy is getting his own channel there. Howard played the song and told Robin to hold on to her stock now that he's heard that. Howard said between Oprah and that things are going massively well around there.
Howard said he was worried that they wouldn't get any new listeners. Now they have X Japan's Yoshiki. Howard said maybe they can give Oprah another $50 million deal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted his own channel there. Howard said he could give him one, no problem. Howard said he's losing his mind around there. Howard said he's looking forward to his channel of nothing. Howard said he should get involved in all of this but he's going to stay out of it.
Howard asked if anyone has heard of this band. Robin said they say they're the first band to have major success over here. Gary said they must be popular somewhere. He said that they say Yoshiki is to X Japan like Bono is to U2. Robin said they've had 4 albums and they've sold out the Tokyo Dome a bunch of times.
Howard said the people around there have unbelievable ideas. Robin said they have performed in North America. Howard said he stands corrected then. Howard said they had Brian Johnson there so he has to take a break and get him in there. He warned people that they may not understand what Brian is saying but don't worry, it's not your radio. He's just got a heavy accent. Howard went to break after that.
Howard gave Brian a plug for his book ''Rockers and Rollers: A Full-Throttle Memoir'' and talked to him about how he had trouble remembering a lot of things. Howard said he has the same problem. He said that cars spur Brian's memory. He said he remembers girls based on the cars he was driving at the time.
Brian said that he would hear stories from his friends and he wouldn't remember anything about it until they mentioned the car he was driving at the time.
Howard said Brian was in the band The Geordies when Bon Scott was in AC/DC. Brian was still living at home in his 30s and he ended up opening up his own auto shop where they customized cars. He said they were putting vinyl roofs and racing stripes on cars. He said he did that because he was so desperate for money.
Howard asked Brian if he was a disappointment to his parents. Brian said that his parents did tell him that his singing stuff wasn't going to work. Howard said his dad must have been humiliated. Brian said it wasn't that bad. He said he did start wearing a hat to hide who he really was. He said that the Geordies had some top 10 hits but they got ripped off by the record companies so they weren't making money.
Brian said that he went out working on broken windshields and stuff like that and hid himself with the hat. He said that he had to do what he had to do to feed the kids. Howard asked if people still recognized him from being in the Geordies. Brian said they did. The hat didn't work that good.
Howard asked who it was that suggested him for the band. Brian said it was a fan from Cleveland who called Mutt Lange. He said that he and Bon got along too. He said that Bon let him play in the band and he was all for him getting into the band. Brian said he talks about that in the book. He said he got a call from a woman who had a German accent. He said she was asking him to come in for an audition but she wouldn't tell him who the band was. She eventually told him it was AC/DC and she said she had said too much when she did that.
Howard asked if he knows who the fan is that suggested him. Brian said he doesn't know who it was. It worked out for him though. Brian said that he thought he was too old to be a rock star in AC/DC but he went and did the audition anyway. He said that the boys had a cult following and they were loved by everyone. Howard said they didn't really blow up until ''Back in Black'' though.
Brian said he was asked to sing on a commercial jingle and he was told it would be $350. He said he was going to do that and have the meeting with the band on the same day. Brian said he did the jingle the same day he got in on the AC/DC thing. Brian said he could have headed back to his parents house but he had AC/DC waiting for him.
Howard said he remembers that they weren't that exciting back then but they weren't the band they became yet. Howard said he can see Brian having trouble figuring out that deal. Brian said he went across the street and saw four guys sitting there waiting for him. He said they were waiting for him. He said that he drank with the guys and then started to sing with the band. Howard asked if the drinking affects his voice. Brian said he doesn't care. He's not worried about it. Howard said he can't drink because he's so neurotic about the voice.
Brian said he started to sign with the guys and they all got goose bumps. He said they were wondering what was happening there. Howard asked if they hired him on the spot or did they tell him to go home. Brian said he thanked them for the chance and he said he had to go home. He said the guys told him he can't leave.
Howard asked if they had a contract drawn up saying who gets what percentage. Brian said they put him on a wage for 6 months and paid him a salary. He said that Bon Scott had been gone for about 3 months when they did this.
Howard asked how many bands can pull it off and replace the lead singer. He said it doesn't happen often. Brian said that he thanks his lucky stars today.
Howard asked if he's out of his parents basement now. Brian said he hasn't made as much as Howard has but he's out of the basement.
Howard asked Brian about how he learned to sing in church. Brian said that was rough. He said that he had the gold chain around his neck and all. Howard asked if they got him into the recording session immediately and if Bon Scott had written any of the songs they did. Brian said Bon didn't write them. He said they went in and did the first album in 6 weeks. Howard said that's amazing. Brian said it was the most magical time of his life. He said it was happening so quick he couldn't grasp it. He said the first song he wrote was ''Shook Me All Night Long'' and the first line he wrote was ''She was a fast machine...'' and he gave it to Malcolm the next morning and that was it. He said he talks about all of that in the book. He said that was the first song he wrote with them. Brian said they heard the rough mix the next morning and he thought it was the best rock and roll song he had ever heard in his life. He said he was the new boy in the band but Malcolm said he could be right. Howard said it's amazing that they came up with all of those songs in 6 weeks. He said they wrote and recorded them all in that time.
Howard asked Brian if the whole song is in his head when he comes up with the songs. Brian said that sometimes you just get a beat and then the lyrics come. Howard said he makes light of it but he doesn't get how they come up with the whole thing. Brian said it's like starting a crossword puzzle. He said once you get started you get it.
Howard said he has a theory about Brian. He said there is a certain magic to the fact that he was in another band and he had to work and put in endless hours working and singing in church. He said he put years of hard work into this and he was kind of accomplished by the time he got into the band. He asked if he watches American Idol to see the kids getting record deals. Brian said they get the finest musicians and everything around them is about beating the people around them. He said you wonder what they're going to do in the next week. He said he won't be able to afford the best musicians after that one song.
Howard said the kids on American Idol don't learn how to write songs. They don't get the kind of experience that Brian had. Brian said there are too many broken hearts and broken dreams out there because of that show. He said they think they're destined for greatness and they're just 17 years old. Howard said he sees people trying to do radio and they just don't know how hard it's going to be.
Howard said Brian was bored during the making of the last album so he wrote this book. Brian said that a good story is a lost art. He said that he was told to put some of these stories down so that's why he did it. Howard said he does have some great stories too.
Brian said that they once lent some equipment to Chuck Berry and he asked for an autograph. He said that Chuck told him that he does one autograph a day and he had already done it. Brian said that the guy won't pay the musicians and he won't give you an autograph if you lead him your equipment.
Howard asked Brian if he wrote his own stories down or did he have someone help. Brian said that when you're in the studio it takes a few days to record the songs. He said he had a legal pad so he would write this stuff down about his cars and then the stories would come back to him. He said that he was just writing them down on the paper. Then he'd send them to his friend after scanning them. He said his friend thought he could get them published so that's what they did.
Howard said that Keith Richards went out and wrote that book about Mick Jagger. He said that's just not cool. Brian said the guys in AC/DC are his pals and he would never do that to them. He said that they still travel and stay in the same dressing room together.
Howard asked Brian about how he's been thinking of retiring. Brian said he's still feeling good though. Howard told him to stop smoking. Brian said he doesn't smoke that much. He said he has maybe 5 a day. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who can smoke just 5 a day. He said they only get worse. Brian said he rolls his own. He showed Howard the tobacco he had. Howard asked if it affects his voice. Brian said of course it does, that's why he keeps smoking. Howard said he worries about him.
Howard said there were a couple of things in the book he wanted to talk about. He said that in the 80s the groupie thing went away. The whole AIDS scare made that happen. Brian said that they used to see the groupies out there and they would have competitions with the girls. Howard asked if it's embarrassing not to have a big dick when the guys are getting blow jobs. Brian said that his memories are very hazy about all of that. He said it all stopped when the AIDS scare happened.
Howard asked Brian about his height and if he thinks that helped him get into the band. Brian is 5'6'' tall and he said that probably did help since he's the tallest. Howard said they all are very short. He said he remembers working with them on his movie and how short they seemed to be.
Howard gave Brain some plugs for some book signings he's doing with this new book. Howard said Brian once met Paul Newman and Paul thought that he was part of his race car team. Howard asked if he went along with it and worked on his car. Brian said he had met him a few times and they raced in the same races. He said they were invited up to Vancouver for a race and Paul asked if he should put wet or dry tires on the car. He said he told him that he didn't work for him and that he was in AC/DC. He said Paul told him he had heard of him but he didn't think he had.
Howard said that Brian doesn't like the show ''Pimp My Ride'' because he doesn't get why they do that. Brian said not to that extent. He said they just go too far with the stereo systems and things like that. He said it's all egotism. Brian said that these dingbats drive by with the bass going and he wishes he had a hand grenade when he hears that. Howard said he gets what he's saying. He compared that to people jail breaking their iPhones and iPads.
Howard talked to Brian about how he has to get oxygen and re hydrate himself after shows. Brian said that he has to sit with an IV line of saline solution in his arm sometimes. Howard said they're very physical during their shows. Brian said that you do have to keep the energy up. Howard said Brian and the guys still care and they want to do it for the fans. Brian said they don't just do it for the money. They're there for the fans. Howard said he thinks that's why they're so successful. He said the shows wouldn't have the same impact if they played to a track or something.
Howard said that they come up with a set list and the fans will write to them and complain about the set list. Brian said they had a guy come up to them at a bar once and he told them that they must play what he said they should play. He had been to like 50 shows and they play the same thing. Brian said that they set up the stuff in a certain way and they can't just change it up. They're not doing club shows, they're in stadiums.
Howard asked Brian if it's weird for him to see Celine Dion doing a cover of ''You Shook Me All Night Long.'' Brian didn't seem to care. He said he hasn't heard the song. Howard asked if it's a compliment. Brian said he guesses it is if she's willing to put it in a set list. He said ''Good on ya Celine.''
Howard said that he's glad to see Brian doing his thing. He asked if he's still drinking. Brian said he likes to have a glass of wine. Maybe 2 or 3 a night. Howard asked if he's an alcoholic. Brian said he's not. He said he doesn't drink when he's racing. He still races. He said he was at Road Atlanta recently and his steering wheel came off at 150 miles per hour. He said he braked 2 feet from the wall. He said his ass was going like a rabbit's nose. Brian said he's won some races. He said his wife races too. Howard wanted to talk about her but Brian didn't want to get into the personal stuff.
Howard asked Brian to teach Celine Dion a lesson and sing that song from Titanic. Howard played some of Celine's ''You Shook Me All Night Long.'' Brian said it wasn't bad. He said it was kind of silly though.
Howard gave Brian some more plugs for his book signings and found out he's done one already. He said he signed 500 books at that one. Howard said he will be at the book Review in Huntington Long Island and at another place in Ridgewood, New Jersey this week.
Howard said he had some callers on the line but he was out of time. He said one of the questions was about what his favorite song was. Brian said it's ''Low Rider'' by War. He said that song has everything. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Ian Halpern is saying that Arnold doesn't care about a woman from the neck up. He only cares about the build. Robin said that maid wasn't built very well. Howard said he saw a picture of Arnold with a stripper and he couldn't believe she was a stripper. She wasn't even a good looking stripper. Howard said this AC/DC song is so good. He said he should write a song about a car.
Howard said that a big percentage of the wrestlers who were in Wrestlemania 7 have died. He said that 14 of the 51 performers have died in the past 15 years. Howard read through an article about the deaths and they told the stories about the reasons for the deaths. Howard said he had no idea if they were accurate or not.
Howard read some email about the discussion they had about Sussy yesterday. One guy wrote in about his kids who have wasted their 20s doing nothing. Howard had another one from someone who said that he's in his camp and Sussy should just roll with the absurdity of the endeavor.
Howard read some feedback about his rant about management and said that Howard put satellite radio n the map and they can't take that away from him.
Howard said someone thought Todd Phillips was making up the noise on his phone just to annoy him. Howard said he can't imagine he would do that. Howard said a lot of people thought that Todd was being a dick to Robin when he went off on her.
Howard said a lot of Scott the Engineer fans wrote in about them picking on him. Howard said there were a lot of Ronnie haters out there. They went off on him for some of the stuff he was saying.
Howard said he got some email about Sal. They wrote in about his song parody ''Photograph'' and asked them to replay that song. Howard wasn't sure which one that was. Gary said it was one of Howard's favorite songs. Fred tried to find it to play for him. Fred played the song which was about Sal's wife. Howard was reacting to the song like he hadn't heard it before.
Howard said a couple of new Robin songs came in. He played a couple of those. Howard said that he had that meltdown about the Japanese thing earlier. He said that it's just a show, not a whole channel.
Howard played a song parody about Robin from Cowboy Jeff. Howard said Little Mikey sent in a new one too. He played that as well.
Howard said everyone wants to hear Tim tripping over the guitar in the studio yesterday. Howard said he hopes that Tim has realized he should stay out of the studio. Robin said he comes and goes and some days she doesn't see him. Howard said he has this obsession with organizing the pillows on the couch and he ended up knocking over Fred's guitar yesterday. Howard played the clip and asked Fred if that drives him crazy. Fred said it kind of does but he has to block it out of his mind.
Howard said he thought about swapping out the guitar for a different one and have Tim come in and smash it completely. Fred said his guitar is actually cracked. He said it's kind of a bummer.
Howard said he found out that Tim almost admitted that he was the one who had left the skid marks in the toilet yesterday. Howard said that Tim said he would never put his hands in the toilet to clean it and he never looks when he flushes. Howard said everyone does that. Gary said Tracey hadn't gotten the information she needed yet either.
Gary said that security was all in a stockholders meeting. Howard wondered what the hell was going on around there. Howard asked Ronnie why he wasn't there. Ronnie said it's in a different location. He said the bathroom reading information is at a different office and that woman isn't there. She's also at the stockholders meeting.
Howard said he has a lot to say about that stock. He said that's where he made all of his money supposedly. He told them not to get him started on that.
Howard replayed the fake Arnold Schwarzenegger maid bit he played earlier. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Arnold should raise his standards. Howard said there are men he's more attracted to than that maid. He said he couldn't get it up for that woman if he spent 2 years on a deserted island. He said she's built like Benjy.
The caller on the line had something ticking on the phone. It was his hazard lights ticking. He had pulled over to talk to Howard. Howard thought it was a metronome.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy could get Arnold Schwarzenegger. Benjy said that would be fun.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran down the list of subjects for today's show. They spent a little time talking about the shit skid mark in the toilet and things like that.
Howard said he saw a picture of Julianne Hough who is dating Ryan Seacrest. He said that chick is hot. He said he cant' get over Ryan's success. He said he doesn't do anything on his show though. He said he's not even a zookeeper. He said guys like Scott Shannon would do bits and stuff. Ryan doesn't do any of that.
Howard read some email about Jimmy Fallon's appearance on the show. He got a lot of positive feedback about that.
Robin said she heard that Howard is going to get together with him. Howard said they are talking about it. Howard said he has a weird move though. He said Jimmy said he told him he felt funny bothering him so nothing is going to happen if he feels funny about it. Howard said he's very approachable and sends out a good vibe. Howard read some other email about the discussion he had about the guy on Dancing with the Stars who touches that young girl so much. A couple of people wrote in about that.
Robin started her news with a story about a law in Georgia about breast feeding with kids 2 and older. Howard said they're on to something there. He said he's all for breast feeding but not with a 2 year old. Howard said it's really unhealthy. Robin said they held a nurse-in yesterday. The mothers say there are benefits for both the kids and the mothers if they keep nursing when they're toddlers.
Robin read a story about a fire captain and a transgender wife and how a judge has said that the wife won't get survivor benefits because the wedding was not legal. Robin asked Howard what he thinks about that. The fireman was killed in the line of duty and there is $600,000 in benefits. Howard said the transgender wife should get it. Robin said they gave it to the ex-wife and kids.
Robin read a story about a teen who jumped into a river on Saturday to celebrate the rapture not happening. The kid was swept away because he wasn't a good swimmer.
Howard said George Lopez hasn't been told if TBS is going to renew his show for a third season. His ratings have been dropping this year. Conan's ratings are down too. Robin asked if his ratings are lower than George's. Howard said he wasn't sure. He didn't have the information there. Howard said they should just tell George if he's coming back or not. He said they treat people in show biz like such shitheads.
Robin read a story about people going to find buried treasure at sea and who it belongs to when they find it. Howard said the treasure belongs to the country the ship came from. Howard said that's like him losing something and someone finding it. You should return it to the person it belongs to. Robin said Spain is fighting to get back some stuff that was recovered and it was worth $500 million. Howard said he has to fight for what he's owed too. He said it's simple. It doesn't belong to the guy who found it. Robin said the ship went down in 1804. Howard said he doesn't care when it went down. It still belongs to the country it came from. Robin said these guys want it to be a finders keepers rule.
Robin read about how John Edwards is going to be indicted and they're saying that Arnold Schwarzenegger may be as well. They're going to be looking into Arnold's use of money during his time as Governor. Howard said John Edwards is better looking than the women Arnold is with.
Robin read some more details about Arnold and Maria Shriver. She said that Maria may file for divorce. Howard said he can't imagine what she's thinking when she sees him now. Howard said she's not going to be able to deal with it. He said it would be great if Arnold showed up to his kid's wedding and fucked the bridesmaids and brought the maid to the wedding.
Howard had some audio of Arnold and John Edwards in their jail cell together. The boys had put that together in the back already. It turned out to be a gay porn clip that Howard only played about 2 seconds of. Howard said ''That was worth waiting for...''
Robin said that today marks the final episode of the Oprah Winfrey show. Robin said that they taped it yesterday. Robin said in the end she spends her final time on stage alone talking to the audience. Howard said that's going to be boring. Robin had some clips from past shows that Oprah has done. She had some of Michael Jackson's kids and the show where Oprah gave away a car to everyone in the audience. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin had some news about Peter Fonda going to the Cannes film festival and he said he's teaching his grand kids to use long range rifles. He said something about how he's not going to say exactly what for but mentioned ''Barak Obama...'' Robin said that he may not be prosecuted for that here since he said it in another country. Robin said that could attract the attention of the secret service. Howard said the guy probably thought he was being funny. Meanwhile he hasn't done anything since Easy Rider. He said he's just a dopey guy who is trying to be funny.
Robin read a story about the Queen of England talking to President Obama while he was over there. She had some audio of that meeting.
Robin had some audio of Benjamin Netanyahu thanking the United States for backing the Israelis. He had some protesters at his speech. Robin said that woman was quickly escorted out.
Robin read a story about Jared Loughner being evaluated to find out if he's competent to stand trial. He could end up in a prison hospital if they find he's not mentally fit. Howard said he had better not go to any hospital. He said that's like that Hinkley character. Robin said if he ever does become sane they'd have to try him. Howard said that story was awful.
Robin said that NASA is celebrating the 50th anniversary of President Kennedy challenging them to go to the moon. Robin had some audio of Kennedy issuing that challenge. Howard did his Kennedy impression for a few minutes during that discussion.
Robin read a story about the full body scanners at the airports and they say that the levels of radiation are safe. Howard said that people shouldn't be traveling so much that it's too much. He said if you travel 3-5 times a year it should be plenty. He said there are people who travel constantly so they should be ready to be radiated. Robin said they tested the machines and they found them to be safe. That led to Howard saying that he'd like to go to Italy but he doesn't like traveling. He said maybe he could drive instead of flying... or maybe bicycle there and learn about organic farming. Robin told Howard they have great food there. Howard said he doesn't want to chew.
Robin read about the department of agriculture and they're saying that pork can be served at 145 degrees instead of 160. Howard said he doesn't eat swine. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read a story about this year's American Idol and how they're saying there is no clear winner. Howard said there is in his mind. He said he doesn't like that Alfred E. Newman looking kid. He said he's awful. He said the kid is creepy. The judges are afraid to say anything. He said the kid's voice is creepy and he lacks charisma. He just stands there and all of his songs sound the same. Robin had a few audio clips from the show that she had Howard play. Howard said the girl isn't much better than the dude.
Robin mentioned that U2 will be on American Idol tonight. Howard said they're really desperate to make that Spider-Man Broadway show work. He said that he's not sure why it's so important to Bono to make it work. Robin said his name is plastered all over that show, that's why. Robin said that Steven Tyler is expected to perform tonight too. She said there are supposed to be some other surprise acts too.
Gary came in and said that on the U2 web site they go out of their way to say that U2 isn't performing on Idol, it's Bono, the Edge and the cast of Spider-Man. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said Tracey was very upset about the skid mark in the toilet but Robin was more upset about the picture. Jon said that Tim Sabean has kind of implicated himself in the whole thing. Gary said that Tim came in and said he was in there around 3:30 and he did shit so it may have been him. Gary said he doesn't believe that Howard sticks his hand in the toilet to clean skid marks. Jon said he does. He said Howard would never do it for anyone else but for his own shit he would.
Jon said Benjy was breathing easy after Tim implicated himself. Jon said Benjy was protesting too much and making himself look guilty. Benjy said you can't blame it on the last person who was in there. Gary said they will look at who was in there and if Benjy and Tim were the only two in there between 3 and 5:30 then one of them did it. Benjy said they're basing it on when it was discovered.
Jon said when Tim came in and said that he doesn't look down when he goes no one responded to that. Gary said Richard told him about how to clean skid marks. He said when it flushes you throw toilet paper in the bowl and it cleans itself.
Benjy asked if Gary has ever stuck his hand in to clean skid marks. Gary said he has a brush to do that. Jon said he's used his hand with paper on it. Sal said that's ridiculous. Sal said you just keep flushing and it goes away. He said you can piss it off if it doesn't go away. Sal said if you flush and see the splatter on the side you can piss it off.
Richard said Sal's cock has toilet paper all over it today. Sal said he wraps it to keep it dry. He said he calls it the toilet paper turban. Gary said maybe he could invent some kind of dick condom. Sal said if you wrap it really well then you can get a lap dance and finish in it. He said he did that at a strip club once, before he was married of course.
Richard said he told Sal when his wife gives him oral that it must be like a treat with the flavor crystals in it. He said there are hundreds of bits of paper on it. He saw it when he peed next to him in the bathroom.
Sal said he once went to a dermatologist and he had a piece of toilet paper stuck in there. He said the doctor started gagging when he saw that.
Jon asked Sal what he does to wrap it. Sal said the foreskin holds moisture and if he puts the paper in there it keeps it fresher and more sanitary. He said when he takes it off it's not wet. He said it's very dry. Richard confirmed that.
Gary said he was waiting to go to the bathroom and saw them going in together. They said they only do that once in a while.
Richard said he has a secret for getting rid of shit streaks. He said that when the water is at the lowest you just throw paper on top of the feces and it usually works pretty good. He said if the shit is still there then you wipe it really fast before the water comes back after flushing.
Gary said he once dropped his glasses in the toilet. He said he went in to get them but he goes in under protest.
Richard said he plugged a toilet at a hotel once and had to reach in and get it out himself. There was no plunger there so he had to do it with his hands. Gary said he watched Rules of Engagement once and the hot chick clogged the toilet so her fiancee blamed it on some fat guys. He said they have some funny stuff on that show but it's not his favorite.
Sal said he once used a toothbrush to unclog a toilet. He said he didn't tell the people about doing it of course. He said he didn't use the bristle end though. They went to break a short time later.
Sal said he doesn't see anyone with brushes next to their toilet other than old people. Gary said he has one. Sal said he doesn't have one at all. He said it's gross. Sal said he keeps his plunger in the garage. He said it's only for him to plunger the toilet. He said his wife has it all wrapped up out there.
Sal said he has to run out to the garage and come back in. He has to put on a different shirt and everything because it all gets contaminated. He said he has to wrap up the plunger over the toilet so it doesn't drip. He said they have a bunch of Walbaums bags that they wrap it in. He said he has to go out and put it away and then lock the door where the plunger is.
Jon asked about the toilet overflowing. Sal said he's never had the toilet overflow. He said the basement overflowed though. That's because his wife was flushing tampons down the toilet.
Jon asked Richard and Sal about the people they interview on the street. Gary said he finds it interesting how Sal will say ''As a woman... what do you think of Howard Stern.'' Sal said that he poses questions to find out how angry they are at other women about how they treat their husbands. Richard said Sal takes is seriously and he finds it funny that he does. Sal said he exaggerates in what he believes. He said he doesn't believe that Maria should be blamed for Arnold cheating. He said it could be some of her fault though.
Sal said he thinks that Arnold figured that Maria wasn't pulling her weight around the house so that's why he cheated. He said maybe she just got married for the fame.
Benjy asked Sal if he's ever asked his wife if he could have sex with other women. Sal said he has alluded to it before and his wife just brushes it off. He said he doesn't think that she'd be pleased with it if he did. He said that porn is even out of the question. He said she's totally repulsed by it.
Ronnie came in and asked Sal about how he complains about his wife not doing things for him so what's his deal. Sal said she may not provide things in the bedroom but he ash to weigh the scales and figure out what he wants. He said that someone like Arnold can afford to move on. Ronnie said sex is a big part of marriage. Sal said it is but he's thrown in the towel on that. He said your hand is always there for you. Sal said he will just relieve himself in the bathroom and he doesn't have to worry about clean up or anything.
Sal said his sex life is good enough that he's content. He said it's about once a month at this point and it's good when they do it. He said they went out to dinner recently and they had wild sex. He thanked her for that and she told him that she went out and got a new pocketbook. He said he'd like to think that she didn't do it just because she had sex with him.
Jon asked Benjy about going to Comic-Con and freaking out that actress who played Aunt Beru. Benjy said she was really sweet and they didn't play the whole interview. He said that the other actress is fully white too. Jon asked Benjy how long it took to put that interview together. Benjy said he's still learning the equipment.
Gary said Benjy called him the other night and Benjy said he was exhausted from working on it so long. He said he sent it to Richard and Sal and they worked on the levels and fixed it. He said that Benjy should go out and do the interviews and let Sal and Richard edit. Benjy said he doesn't want to throw it on them though. Gary said that's what they're there for. The guys were talking about the equipment they use but Gary said they should talk about that off the air. They had to take another break anyway.
Jon took a call from a guy who corrected Howard on the pronunciation of The Geordies. The caller said that he wondered why they don't have a back up there where they can correct him. Gary said he'll keep this guy on the staff to correct Howard that one time every year. That led to Richard doing his awful English accent as ''Simon Buckingham'' for a few seconds.
Jon asked Richard if any of his songs were ever covered by any pop artists. Richard said there have been some artists that covered their stuff. He said that some of their Charred Walls of the Dammed stuff has been covered too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who they think is a better singer, Bon Scott or Brian Johnson. Gary said he's used to hearing Brian so he's not really sure. Jon said that Brian has become the front man of that band so he doesn't know either. He said they were more successful with Brian Johnson. Gary said their first album with Brian is like the best selling album of all time. Richard said you can't really compare them. They're both great. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the Spider-Man Broadway play and how he thinks it's over. He said last night's American Idol was a weird show last night. He said he saw that Dancing with the Stars took over as the number one show and he can see why. He said the finale show was really bad. He said the kid who won is that Alfred E. Newman looking kid and he's just not good. He said all of his songs sound the same and he sings in a monotone. Howard said J-Lo was shaking her ass in the camera and Lady Gaga was simulating sex on the stage. He said it was very confusing to watch.
Howard said this kid who could sing did heavy metal songs. He said the guy who won does one type of music and he's pretty sure he could sign the same songs himself. He said he just doesn't like it. Howard said it's the same people who show up on every finale too. He said they have to stop doing that.
Howard said he likes that guy Jack Black. He said he did a song with the Amish looking kid. Howard said Jack is funny. Howard talked about that weird look that kid has and how he doesn't need that fisherman's beard. Howard said he's not sure where that kid is going that he can't shave. Howard said Jack Black is the only guy he could get into on that show last night. Howard said Jack put his arms out to hug the winner last night. He said it was pretty funny. Robin said she missed it.
Howard said in the 70s they had so many great bands around and then there was Up With People. He said you'd laugh at them and now all of the music is like that. He said he's not sure how that happened. Howard said they somehow infiltrated music.
Howard said the kids came out and sang Lady Gaga and it was incredibly wrong. He said it's everything that music shouldn't be. He said he voted for that 15 year old girl. He said she has weight issues and she shouldn't have been wearing skin tight clothes. He said she looked pregnant. Robin said she looked like Arnold's mistress. Howard said they have professional stylists on that show and they should have advised her. Howard said the shirt was really tight and he wondered why they were doing that. He said these hillbilly kids don't know any better. They make fools out of themselves.
Howard played some of the audio of the whole group singing the Lady Gaga song. He said it's just so wrong. He said they had J-Lo shaking her ass and he's never seen anyone dance like that. Howard said it reminded him of the exercise place where they put the big belt on you and shake you. Howard said even Marc Anthony was laughing.
Howard said he loves Steven Tyler but he was performing with the American Idol band. He said they can make anyone look bad. He said they're awful and sound like a bad karaoke band every time. He said everything is horrible. Howard said American Idol lost to Dancing with the Stars for the first time in history.
Howard played some of Jack Black performing on the show. He said he didn't take it seriously so it was funny. Howard said Jack was funny doing squats and looking like he was going to split his pants. He said he's a better singer than the kids who were there. Robin said he's not a great singer either. Howard said he found him humorous and he's the only one he sat through.
Howard said the best was when Bono came out to save the Spider-Man Broadway show. Robin said that music is some of the worst she's ever heard. Robin said he did an interview with someone and told them that writing the music for that play was easy. Howard said he shouldn't have said that. Howard played some of that performance and goofed on Bono for a minute.
Howard said the Spider-Man guy was flying through the audience. He said some people must like that. Ryan Seacrest should have come out and said that didn't work. Robin asked when they're going to give up on the music for that play. They gave up on the director. Howard said they need a doctor like Billy Joel to come in and help.
Howard said he was disappointed because he voted for that chick to win. He said he felt the kid who won was very one dimensional. He said people don't expect him to be into American Idol but he likes it. Robin said she doesn't care who wins even if she watches the show. Howard said he does. He didn't want that kid to win. He said he did watch the whole season. He said he forgets the names of the people on the show. He did remember the winner and the second place chick. He forgot most of the other names.
Howard said country music is horrible and it's for people who aren't that good. He said that it's for mediocre singers because country music lovers will accept it. He said that those songs are awful and they have no soul. Howard said he sees a big cowboy hat and he sees someone who wants to lynch someone of color.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about the Lady Gaga thing where she was acting out sex on stage. Howard said that her whole snatch was hanging out and it was the greatest. He said the message she's sending is very confusing.
The caller said that Howard should watch Mob Wives. Howard said he's been taping it but he hasn't sat down and watched it yet. She told Howard he'll love it. She said that he should try to catch up on Dexter too. Howard said he has to download that and check it out. Howard said Robin told him about ''Being Human'' and he's liking that. He said he's only got 3 episodes left to watch. The caller said that the British version is better. Robin said that's the one she likes. The caller said they're going into season 4. Howard said that he wanted to know if the American version will have more seasons. Robin said they will.
The caller said that Breaking Bad is great too. Robin said she loves that too. She's tried to get Howard into it but he hasn't checked it out.
Howard got back to American Idol and talked about the kid who won and how he's so one dimensional. Howard said he doesn't like it. Howard said he could be a country star.
Howard said he would like his kids to start a band. He said he told them to do that but they don't listen. Howard said he didn't beat them enough. He said he told them they could be the next Heart but he didn't crack the whip. He said he never beat them or yell at them. At least they're not biking across America.
Howard said there was a kid there wailing away on a guitar and he was great. Howard said all hell broke loose when he walked in though. He said you can stand there and play all of the guitars. He said he was going to wait to buy her one but he just bought it right then. He said he dropped a whole load of money on the guitar and all of the accessories.
Robin said that Howard is doing to her what he does with himself. He's getting her everything right away. Howard said he should take lessons and learn how to play some Jimi Hendrix. Fred had some Hendrix playing and Howard said that's what he'd like to be able to play.
Howard wondered if he could sing that after a few years. He said Jimi is so beautiful. He said this is his American Idol. Howard said he would have been booted off that show if he had ever been on. Howard said they soul have laughed him off the show.
Howard said that's good stuff there. Robin said she loves listening to Jimi Hendrix. Howard said he's going to go buy that album on iTunes. He told Fred to play another Hendrix song ''Third Stone from the Sun.'' He asked Robin if she thinks he could play that after a few lessons. Robin said no way. Howard thanked her for the support.
Howard said it's too bad he died young. Robin said ''no it's not.'' She said that he'd be out collecting money on the street. She said he would have gone bad and he would have been a joke. She said that we wouldn't be listening to his music.
Howard said Ailes met this guy Richard Nixon and Ailes, as a young man, told Nixon he would never win an election going on TV. Howard said he told Nixon what he had to do and how he had to look good on TV. He told him to simplify it and make people afraid and he'd win the election. Ailes went on to teach people how to win after he helped Nixon. Howard said he helped other people by showing them how to manipulate people. He was brilliant at doing it.
Howard said Ailes had a bunch of losing candidates so he got back into TV. He said that during the second Bush administration he started creating the news. He said he figured out how to create news stories for networks and he'd package them up and they'd run them. Gary said that's what CNN does. Howard said that's what this guy was doing and he may have been at CNN. Howard said Ailes ended up meeting Rupert Murdoch who wanted a news channel really badly. Howard said they figured that they would pay the cable companies to put them on. Howard said Rupert Murdoch was willing to pay for every house they put them in. That's how they created the FOX news company. Howard said that Ailes said he would only hire people who were willing to do his bidding.
Howard said the guy is genius. Gary said it's not admirable though. Howard said it is. He said the guy is brilliant and now FOX News is responsible for most of the profits that they make. Howard said it's cheap to run and they make money doing it. They create the news. Robin said they don't even report the facts. Howard said that's right, they create the news.
Gary said he saw a clip where they thought they had found a film clip from 1900 where they thought they saw someone carrying a cell phone. Howard said that's the kind of thing Roger Ailes is doing over there. He said that they just keep slinging that kind of thing in there.
Howard said the article was fascinating. He said Ailes is convinced Al Quaeda wants to kill him so he has a team of security that brings him to work and all of that. Howard said when he got a new office it overlooked the city and he put in bullet proof glass. He said he was picking it out like he was picking out lamp shades. He said the article is fabulous.
Gary said he read the last issue of the magazine and it was great. He said he read every article in there. Howard said this issue is great too. He said that they told him that his issue was their largest selling issue since Obama's issue. Howard said it's older guys like him and Gary who are reading that magazine now. Howard said most of the ads are for older people. He said they have all kinds of products for older people in the ads.
Gary told Howard they have a slowed down version of what Jimi Hendrix was saying in ''Third Stone from the Sun.'' Howard played the clip and it sounded like a Star Trek reference to Howard. Howard said the guy was out of his mind. He said he was obviously a Star Trek fan.
JD told Howard he pulled some clips for him. Howard said he would get to that in a minute. Howard said he hates this grammatical error that this kid made on Idol. He said that he was saying ''It's been a year since me and Lauren Elena...'' Howard said that doesn't sound right to any human being. Howard said he knows he has horrible grammar himself but that's so simple. He said even he knows that's wrong.
Howard said it should have been ''Lauren Elena and I...'' Robin said some people use that wrong too. Howard said he's bad with that but he knew that was wrong.
Howard said he should take a break and then listen to Oprah's show. Robin said she was referring to her fourth grade teachers and people like that. She said she was telling people they can be as happy as she is even without the money. She told the audience there were no surprises and no cars for anyone. She was just talking.
Howard asked if anyone believes Oprah is happy. He doesn't. Howard told everyone to think about that. He said she's not happy, she's a mess. Robin said she was thinking something was up with her. Robin said she wanted to see her kiss Stedman and she did that.
Howard said people want to be led and that show is going to fail because of the judges not telling the kids what they should do.
The caller asked if Brian asked how Artie is doing. Howard said he didn't but he saw Norm MacDonald on Craig Ferguson's show and they talked about Artie on there. Howard said Craig is a big fan of the show and he's a really nice guy. Howard said he's run into Craig up there and he's a nice guy. He said he does that show opposite of Jimmy Fallon. Robin said she saw a movie he did that was really good but she can't remember the name of it. Howard said Norm and Craig talked about Artie on the show and he doesn't think that anyone really knows how he's doing other than his family.
The caller said he loved that guy Dr. Remulak and wondered what happened to him. Gary said he hasn't heard from him in years. Robin said she thinks that she ran into someone who said that he was Dr. Remulak. Gary said he's met a bunch of those people and you ask a few questions and find out they're not. Howard said he stopped calling in the last couple of years of the K-Rock show. He said that he never did tell them who he was so he could have died for all they know.
Howard said that guy had a bad case of OCD. Gary said he thinks that he stopped calling way before they got to satellite. Howard said he used to get a little bit of information out of him but not much. He said he did admit he had OCD. Howard said that's what his repeating of Dr. Remulak was all about. Howard did an impression of the guy repeating himself when he'd call into the show. Howard said he would beg him for answers but it was one word answers surrounded by ''I am Dr. Remulak, I am Dr. Remulak...''
The caller asked Howard to keep Jason off the air. He said he's just not good when he's ripping on people like Scott. Howard said Jason went off on Scott on the Wrap UP Show the other day and Jason was laughing at him and saying he doesn't do any work and it really infuriated the fans. Howard said Jason is coming off badly for some reason. The caller said he seems to want to be like Stuttering John in some way. He has no problem dropping names and telling on people. Howard said he loves that.
Jason came in and Howard asked how much he weighs these days. Jason said he's about 285 pounds. Howard asked if he binge eats. Jason said he just doesn't move. He said he sits at his desk all day and then goes home and watches TV all day. The caller told him to go on Robin's diet and have the green drink.
Howard said yesterday Tim Sabean came in and said that he went to the bathroom that day but he didn't look back in the toilet. Gary said Tim asked them all if they check the toilet and everyone does. Tim claims he doesn't. Howard said Tim is disgusted by Gilbert spitting all over and Tim leaves shit stains.
Howard read the log of people who went in there. Benjy went in at 4:30 and he was in there for 1 and a half minutes. Howard said he was obviously pissing. Howard said Tim went in at 4:33 and he was in there for a while. Gary said Tracey found it at 5:30 and no one was in there between Tim and Tracey.
Howard said that Tim is on that Green drink diet but he's also going to Del Frescos for other meals. He said the shit is coming out of him left and right with that green drink. Howard said that was a messy shit that Tim left behind. Robin said you expel a lot and it rubs the sides as it's going down. Howard said he might have to ban Tim from using that bathroom. He was also the prime suspect in the shit pebble they found in the bathroom. Howard said they need a bigger toilet.
Gary said that Ross was telling him that he should be in and Tim should be out. Howard said he got one of those toilets that Jimmy Kimmel told him about. He said that it's one that does the cleaning for you but he still has to go in there with a baby wipe to get out all of the remnants. He said that he's not fully endorsing this thing. He said that he ends up talking to his doody.
Howard said everyone was raving about this toilet and he resisted for a while. Howard said he went out and got this thing and it's not cheap. He said the expense is getting it installed properly. He said the thing is very expensive. He was embarrassed to say how much it was. Robin told him to just tell them. Howard said she's going to laugh at him. Robin promised not to laugh. She was already laughing though. Howard said it was $4,000. Robin said ''What?'' and laughed. Fred played some laughing clips too. Robin said that's not even funny. Howard said that's 5 bottles of her wine. Howard said he had never even tried it and he spent that kind of money.
The caller said he never takes a shit at work or in his friend's houses. He wondered how Tim could do that. Howard said Tim knows they have key cards and all of that. He said he's not sure why he would do that.
Howard said he doesn't want anyone writing to him about his $4,000 toilet. He said he feels guilty enough spending that kind of money. He's sick over it. The caller told him he should be able to spend it and not think about it. He's worked hard his whole life. Howard said he still feels bad about it.
Howard said the toilet wires stick out and he felt bad getting the thing. He said he had to have an electric line put in and it's a whole thing. He said he had never tried it before and one guy told him not to get it. Howard said it was this guy who is married to Emily Blunt. John Krasinski is his name. He's on The Office. Howard said John told him not to get it because it soaks your ass and you have to wait for it to blow dry your ass. Howard said he was already getting it installed at that point. Howard said he had to continue this later.
Howard let the caller go and said he had to finish the story. He said he went to the bathroom on the toilet and told Beth that he hadn't used it yet. He said he didn't want to tell her he took a dump. He said he did try it out but didn't tell her he had actually gone to the bathroom. Howard said there is a pulsating setting and one that streams. He said he made a doody and he adjusted how it shoots into his asshole. He said that there are two settings for heavy water flow and light water flow. He started out with light. He said he had to go up to 100 percent. He said he wanted his whole asshole hosed out.
Howard said he got hosed out but he wasn't able to walk away. He had to wait for it to dry his ass. He said that he still has to wipe with paper after that. He said that he went in with the baby wipes and still had to do that. He said he doesn't want to smell so he cleaned out his asshole. He said he doesn't want to stink for Beth so he cleans out the inside. He said he's clean and ready to go at all times. Robin said that it's a little overkill. Howard said he's never itchy back there when he does that.
Howard said he was in a rush the other day and he didn't bother using the wash. He said he spent 4 grand on it and didn't even use it. Howard said he had his dad over and had to show him the thing. He said his dad used to take his shits after dinner and the whole house would stink like a locker room. He said he would spend some time shitting up there and he didn't give a courtesy flush or anything. Howard said he knew his dad would appreciate it. Howard said his dad saw it and said ''state of the art!'' and said he never thought he would see that thing.
Howard said Ross Zapin is another one with shitting. He said he had Ross over and had to show him too. He said Ross almost collapsed. Howard said Ross was booted out of their private bathroom and he tries to get back in there. Howard said that Ross' wife asked if he tried the toilet out. Howard said he's not letting anyone try it out. That's his private toilet. Gary interrupted and told Howard Kevin was waiting. Howard went to break after that.
Kevin said when he was in Japan he had one of those toilets like Howard has. He said that he was uncomfortable with it at first. He said it felt kind of wrong. Howard said you feel kind of feminine. Kevin said after a few uses he wanted to pack one up and bring it home. Kevin asked if they're really 4 grand though. Howard said he had a hard installation so that's why it was so much.
Howard asked Kevin about taking the subway and how he was reading about people stealing electronic devices. Kevin was a victim. Howard said that you don't bring out your phone or iPad or anything. The villains are out to get them. Kevin said he was on the subway and it's a pretty safe place for the most part. Kevin said he was told this happens often though. Howard said he got yelled at by a homeless guy for just walking by. Kevin said they recognize him too.
Kevin said he was standing in the subway station. He said he was four flights down and he was on the platform. He said he was playing Brick Breaker on his Blackberry. It was in his hand and then it was gone. He said he didn't even see the guy coming. Kevin said he chased the guy like an asshole. He said he shouldn't have done that. Kevin said he wasn't thinking. He said he can run but he's 52 years old. Howard said he doesn't look his age. Kevin thanked him but he asked what he's going to do when he stops the guy. He said he was yelling ''Stop thief!'' he said he got up the first level and he was 10 feet away. By the fourth level he was about to die.
Howard said he doesn't remember Kevin beating anyone in movies. Kevin said he did in ''Death Sentence.'' Howard asked what he was thinking by running after the guy. Kevin said he didn't know. He said he never did get that phone back.
Howard asked if he called someone to disconnect the phone. Kevin said he didn't have a phone to do that. He said the phone is locked and he was able to erase it remotely so that's what he did.
Howard said Kevin is known for going to weddings and parties where they always play ''Footloose.'' Kevin said he's having a good time and then they play the song and everyone looks at him waiting for him to get up and dance. He said he will go up to the DJ and ask him not to play the record. He'll give the guy 20 bucks to not play the song.
Howard asked Kevin if he had to dance for his Footloose audition. Kevin said he did. He said that weddings aren't supposed to be about him. He said that people start taking pictures with you and things like that. It's not supposed to be about that. Howard said that happens to him too and he tells people he doesn't take pictures or sign autographs because it's the bride and groom's day, not his.
Kevin told Howard he heard they're doing a Footloose remake. He said the script is really good but the role they offered him wasn't that good. He said his role was a schmuck of a dad. Kevin said his character would have been a complete asshole and he didn't like the part.
Howard asked Kevin if he's playing a villain in this new X-men movie. Kevin said he is. He said he wants to come back after Howard sees it. He said he just saw it himself 3 days ago. He said they worked on it right up until the last hour. Howard said he can't wait to see it. Kevin said they go back to the beginning and it's great. Kevin said he didn't read the comics but he loved the movies.
Howard said Kevin almost didn't get his big break in Footloose because he wasn't hot enough. Kevin said the quote was ''he's not fuckable.'' Howard said that's what he tells his wife.
Howard asked if he got fucked in high school. Kevin said he didn't. He didn't go to college either. He said when he left home he's not sure his parents noticed. He said he was one of six kids. Howard asked if he knew he was going to be a big actor. Kevin said he didn't know he was going to be big but he knew that's what he wanted to do.
Kevin said his dad was really famous in Philly because he was a city planner. He said he would walk down the street with his dad and hear ''Mr. Bacon!'' and turn around and they were actually calling out his dad's name.
Howard asked Kevin about how long it took him to get Footloose. Kevin said it was quite a while. The first movie he did was ''Animal House.'' Howard asked if he was intimidated by everyone in that movie. Kevin said that there was the cool fraternity and the asshole fraternity. He said that he was in the asshole frat. He said that they didn't want them hanging out so they kept them separated. He said that the guys in the Animal House would have parties in the hotel and they didn't let them hang out. Kevin said he was only allowed to hang out with his own fraternity. Kevin said that John Belushi was doing Saturday Night Live at the time so he was flying in and doing the movie on a Wednesday and flying back out.
Howard said he likes that they separated them all out like that. Howard asked if he knew it was going to be a hit like it was. Kevin said he was just glad he had a gig. Howard said he must have been thrilled to be doing a movie like that. Kevin said he had done some soap operas and Friday the 13th and Diner too. Howard said he went back to being a waiter after that. Kevin said he did. Howard said he must have been shocked by that. Kevin said he had to ask for the night off from the restaurant to go to the premiere of Animal House. Kevin said his boss was very understanding. He was working at the Allstate bar in New York which has since shut down.
Kevin said he didn't bring a date to the movie thinking he was going to find someone there. Kevin said he got to the screening and he was on the other side of the red rope. He said everyone had limos and stuff and he didn't even get into the good seats. He said one of the guys took pity on him and brought him in. He said that an usher stopped him and said he couldn't go in. He said that he went back out and there were limos coming in and another person brought him into a limo and went to the after party. He said no one recognized him. He said his hair had grown out and he wasn't able to convince the girls he was in the movie. He ended up back at the restaurant with his friends.
Howard asked if anyone at the restaurant recognized him. Kevin said that didn't happen. Howard said Brian Johnson told them about how he was installing windows during his time in the Geordies and he didn't want to be recognized so he wore a hat all the time. Kevin said he thought he was a movie star and he really wasn't. He said he got $700 a week doing it and it wasn't that much.
Kevin told Howard that he went on his first flight in first class and he didn't know they gave you free drinks. He said he got on the plane and started drinking and he was going to try and pick up the flight attendant. Kevin said he pulled out the script and it didn't work at all. He said he was trying to show off the script but she didn't care. Kevin said he hit on the flight attendant while he was drinking Amaretto. He said she ended up giving him the whole bottle but she didn't go out with him.
Howard asked Kevin if he fucked Lori Singer while he was shooting Footloose. Kevin said he didn't. He said he had a girlfriend at the time. Kevin said that you do get close to people really fast on the set. He said sometimes the friendships last and sometimes they don't. He said two weeks after the movie you don't talk anymore and he thought he was shallow. He said that things come around full circle if you end up working together again. Howard said it must be an aphrodisiac when you're the lead actors in a movie.
Howard said he's not sure how he's lasted so long with his wife Keira Sedgwick. He said he feels that they must be cheating when they're separated. Howard said Keira has a very sexy way about her and it's incredible. Kevin said she's said before that being in movies with other guys is sort of like swinging but not really. Howard said he must be like a single man once a year. Kevin said he's on his way to the airport now and he's going to stay with Keira. He said he's always going here and there. Howard said he should keep his eye on Keira. Kevin said he does.
Howard asked what the name of the movie is that he did where he has to bring a soldier's body home. Kevin said it's called ''Taking Chance.'' He said HBO is going to be running it this weekend actually.
Howard asked Kevin about ''X-Men: First class'' and what that's about. Kevin gave them a rundown of his part real quick.
Howard asked Kevin about backing John Edwards and if he was heartbroken when all of the shit went down with him. Kevin said he felt a sense of betrayal but he wasn't that close to the guy. He said it was more like political betrayal. Howard asked how he got asked to help with the campaign and all of that. Kevin told Howard he had seen him speak somewhere and he was turned on by what he had to say. He thought he had some good experience. Kevin said he doesn't get involved in a lot of politics because people can get turned off to that stuff. He said that he felt the country was going in a bad direction so he backed this guy. Howard said that was a heavy decision to make. It can affect the roles he's playing. He said you almost want to be position less.
Howard asked Kevin if Edwards ever asked to borrow a rubber or anything. Kevin laughed and said no. Kevin said he spent a few days with the guy. Howard asked if he sent a note after all of the shit went down. Kevin said he didn't. He just started supporting Barak Obama.
Howard said Kevin had to get out of there but he has more questions. He asked about the Bernie Madoff thing. Kevin said they lost some money in that. He said they're okay though. Kevin said they were okay and there were people who were much worse off. He said that they didn't lose everything. He said they didn't lose their apartment. Kevin said he's not sure of the percentage but it's fine. Howard said he would be so angry. Kevin said Keira's show is in it's final season and he thanks god for that show. If it was just him trying to support them they'd be in trouble.
Howard said he wants to rip this mother fucker Bernie Madoff apart. Kevin said maybe he can make a cameo in the movie about this guy that De Niro is doing. Howard said he's glad he's doing okay. Kevin said they're going to be okay even after all of that. Howard said he's sorry to hear about it. Kevin said there are a lot worse things. Kevin said that if you get there once you can get there again. Howard asked if he's up for working though. Kevin said he is. He thinks that Howard won't retire either. He asked what he's going to do in his spare time. Kevin said he likes working and he thinks Howard will. Howard said he wants to pick and choose what he wants to do. He said it sucks what happened to Kevin.
Gary came in and gave the message that he had to get Kevin out of there. Howard gave him some plugs for X-Men and kept him around another minute. Kevin said the movie is good and he wouldn't be there if it wasn't. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Flavor Flav. Howard said he wrote a new book (Flavor Flav: The Icon The Memoir) that he's there to promote. Howard told Flav that he's looking good. He was wearing a big basketball jersey as he usually does. Howard said that's his look.
Howard said Flav talks about how he was one of the 5 Percenters when he was growing up. Howard explained what they were since Robin didn't seem to know.
Howard asked Flav about writing his book and if he wrote it with someone sitting there. Flav said he tape recorded his thoughts and then gave it to a writer to put into a book. Howard said things went bad for Flav after Public Enemy's success. He had a drug habit and he wasn't bringing in money. Flav said that's not true. He said that when he was in Public Enemy he had a drug problem. He said that it was kind of small at the time. It didn't get big until they got paid. He said he went crazy when he got paid. Flav said that he was doing crack and cocaine. Howard said you give a poor kid that kind of money and it's going to reek havoc on you.
Howard said Flav hated the guys in Public Enemy for a while. Flav said he didn't hate them but he was disappointed in them for not helping them like they could have. Howard said Flav has to take some of the responsibility for that. He said he has family and they could have been there for him. Flav said he drove them to that point and Chuck D wanted him to be off drugs. He said it was his addictive personality.
Howard said Flav is a crazy mother fucker. Flav said Howard is too. Flav said that this is legendary radio when two crazy mother fuckers get on radio together.
Howard said people don't know it but Flav got laid for the first time at 6 years old. Flav said a baby's dick will get hard so it's not that hard to believe. Howard said he doesn't remember that happening. Flav said there must be something wrong with him.
Howard said he wasn't involved with that part of his body at that age. Flavor said that he must have touched his pee-pee back then. Howard said he really wasn't doing that. Flavor said he feels bad for him then. Flavor said he knew what a boner was back then and kids would put him and this little girl together to do ''the nasty.'' He said his sister and her friends would put them together to do that. Howard said that's just not right. He said they weren't looking out for his well being. Flavor said he thinks they were.
Flavor told Howard how his dad taught him how to roll dice and run numbers and stuff. He said he was a good man too.
Flavor got out a plug for his book ''Flavor Flav: The Icon The Memoir'' and said it's available now.
Howard said that Flavor almost hit a guy in the head with a fire extinguisher but Tupac stopped him. Flavor said he would be in jail now if he had done that. He said it was meant for him to keep going and there must be more to teach about so that's why God let him live.
Howard said Flavor says that drugs ruined relationships with the mothers of his kids. He said he has 7 kids. He named all of them and gave their ages. Howard wasn't sure he'd be able to do that.
Howard said that Flav's father would beat his mom. Howard said that has to mess a kid up. Flav said that he knows they loved each other even though they did that. Howard said that Flavor got punched by his girl in the car once and he had to hit her back. They were driving in the car at the time and Flav said that his whole life flashed in front of him. He said she could have killed them all by doing that. She punched him in the eye and he was doing 85 on the highway. He said he pulled over to kick her in the shin.
Howard said Flav says that his girlfriend made a habit of starting fights with him until he hit her. She would call the cops on him and he felt she was setting him up so he hit her. Flavor said that's because of his lifestyle. She didn't like it and that's why she went off on him. He said he was on crack and coke so that was fucking up his judgment. He was spending $2,600 a day on that stuff. Howard said it's amazing he's still alive. Flav said he's glad that someone stole his drugs because that could have been the dose that killed him.
Flavor said he wishes he had never experimented with that stuff to start with. He said that it really messed up his life and his money situation. He said he was running from sobriety. Howard said he thinks he's in denial and he had a fucked up family life. Howard said he doesn't think that his family protected him like he thinks they did and that's why he turned to drugs. Flavor said his sisters didn't do drugs and they didn't make him do that. He said he did that stuff all on his own.
Flav said that anything they do is something they choose to do. He said that it was their choice to follow that path. He said he could never do to his kids what his sisters let him do. Back in those days it was different. Howard said that he grew up in the same town as he did. Flavor asked where he moved to after leaving Roosevelt. Howard said he moved to Rockville Centre. Flavor said he lost it all and he must have been living in the back of the church.
Flavor said Howard is making some crazy comments about him. He said that it wasn't his family that led him into drugs. Howard said he's not blaming his sisters for that. He said he's just saying that his life was a painful life and he was never shown a better way. Flavor said the drug part of his life was the terrible part. Flavor said the drugs didn't come until he turned 18. He said his family showed him the better way but he was hard headed. He said he wanted to know what the experience was like.
Howard said Flavor was so messed up at one point that he shot his neighbor. Flavor said he never went to jail for shooting anyone so they just say he shot someone. He said he was so fucked up that night he doesn't remember anything. He said that he just remembers walking into the hallway where they had 48 officers in the hall waiting for him. He doesn't remember shooting at anyone or anything like that.
Howard asked Flavor about his time in and out of prison. Flavor said he got solitary for fighting. Howard said when he was in Roosevelt he had to fight to get anything. He wasn't so good at fighting so he lost 99 percent of his fights. Flavor said he won 99 percent of his. Flavor asked how old Howard is. Howard is 57 and Flavor is 52. Howard said they missed each other by a few years.
Howard asked Flavor about being in prison and if any guys tried to make him their girlfriend. Flavor said he didn't have to go through that. He said he's seen guys go through it. He said there was a giant guy in there named Mother Dear and he would beat your ass and make you fuck him right in the ass. Howard asked if he would do anything when he heard guys screaming asking him to stop. Flavor said he would put ear plugs in and not hear it.
Howard said he had to fight to keep his pants in Roosevelt and he was told by one guy that he wouldn't live past his 14th birthday. He said that was some scary shit. Howard said he knows how stressful it can be there. Robin asked what turned it around for Flavor. Howard said Flavor met Howard Stern and that was it.
Howard said that Flavor stole everything from cars to trains. Flavor said back in the days in Freeport they stored the trains there. He said they'd go up there and start the trains and ride the trains and jump off when they got going too fast.
Howard said Flavor would jump off buildings with an umbrella. Flavor said that didn't work so well. Flavor said he once got dropped off on a bridge and he wanted to see what it was like to walk across a bridge. He said he saw a manhole cover and went down in there and saw the drop down 180 feet. He said he was going to drop but he heard the traffic going across. He said he got tired and he started shitting pots and pans. He said he climbed out after that. He said if he had slipped he wouldn't be there now.
Howard said the guys in Jackass do crazy shit like that. He said if he had taped the stuff he did he'd be famous for that. Flavor said that he did crazier stuff than they did.
Howard said Flavor went out to Los Angeles and ended up going on Celebrity Rehab. Flavor said he left New York with $140 and one cell phone. He still has that phone on him. He said he still carries it because it's memorabilia and it reminds him of where he came from. Flavor said he's saving money now and putting it away. He said he's got all of the leaches and hangers on out of his life and he's only got the good with him now.
Howard asked Flavor about this fried chicken place he's been working on. Flavor said that's still being worked on. He said he went out to see his friend at a restaurant he owns and he was frying up some chicken for himself there. He said that his friend told him to trust him with his name and he asked to go out and build him a restaurant. He said he had a building right next to KFC. Flavor said after he did all of the art work they opened it up and they gave that place a good run. Howard said the place closed down though. Flavor said they started off real good but you need to have consistency and they didn't have that. They shut it down and he had to go back to the drawing board and start over. He said that's what they did. flavor said they're going to put 5 FFC's (Flavor's Fried Chicken) in Detroit. Flavor said that they're going to build some other stuff for him and Howard has to come out and try the FFC.
Howard said that Chris Rock joked about Flavor in his act and said he would pay someone if they took Flavor out. Howard said that must hurt. Flavor said it's dangerous to joke like that because there are people out there who are nutty enough to want to hurt him. Howard asked if he spoke to Chris about that. Flavor said he hasn't spoken to him in years. He said Chris is a brilliant comedian and he's very successful. He said there are certain avenues you just shouldn't cross though.
Howard asked Flavor about Jam Master J getting killed and why he put out a hit on the guy who killed him. Flavor said he never put a hit out. He said he just pout the word out that whoever did it, they all know what to do. Flavor said that the streets will get that guy if they haven't already. Howard asked if he's in that group that thinks they shouldn't go to the cops. Flavor said it all depends on the people who are working it. He said that when he wrote 911 Is A Joke he wrote it for the people who do take it seriously.
Howard asked why he was happy when OJ got off. Flavor said he didn't want to see his man locked up like that. Howard said he must know he did it. Flavor said OJ is a friend of his. He said he has his statue. He said there was a statue of him that was by his pool and it's life size. He said that he's holding his helmet and cleats and he got it from the Mancow show. Howard said it's kind of tacky to have a statue by your pool. Flavor said he would have them all around his pool.
Howard said he feels responsible for Flavor's comeback because Mark Cronin used to work for him. Howard said Mark heard him on his show and he put him on that show because of him. Flavor didn't know that Mark worked for him. Flavor said that's big. Howard told Flavor that Mark worked for him on the channel 9 show and on some other stuff.
Howard gave Flavor some plugs for his book ''Flavor Flav: The Icon The Memoir'' and some book signings he's doing. He's doing one up in Harlem so Howard asked if he'd be safe up there. Flavor said they'd be fine. Flavor said if you're not safe it's not his fault. He said if you don't feel safe then it's not his fault. He said he saw some white people up there just the other day. He said Bill Clinton has an office up there and that's his man.
Howard asked Flavor where people can follow him on Twitter. Flavor said you can find him @flavorflav. Howard asked if the black guys have gotten over the Blackberry and moved to the iPhone. Flavor said he has an iPhone 4 and it accidentally dials all the time. He said he wants to change his phone now.
Howard asked what the nicest shit is he owns. Flavor said it's the book in his hand. Howard asked what he drives. He drives and Escalade of course. Howard said that Flavor has some driving record. He had some notes about that. Howard asked where the stats were because he knows he was pulled over a lot. Flavor has had 68 driving suspensions. He said he's been busted like 68 times. He said after 11 times he had to go to jail. He said he went to jail and he thought it was enough but he kept going to jail. Flavor said he has a driver's license. Robin asked what country it's in. Flavor laughed.
Howard asked Flavor if he was with that Brigitte Nielson chick just for TV. Flavor said she was a great person and he enjoyed his time with her. Flavor said she's married now and he's not with her anymore.
Howard asked Flavor if he wears a rubber now. Flavor said he has no reason to wear them now. Howard said he could end up with more kids. Flavor said he has to finish inside the chick. Howard said he has enough kids. Seven is a good number.
Howard told Flav it's enough and he doesn't need more kids. Flav said 10 is a personal want so that's why he's going for more. He said he's chasing number 8 right now but 10 is his goal. Howard said he has his 3 and that's enough for him. Flavor said his kids are going to be successful and he wants them to be able to take care of him when he retires.
Robin asked Flav how his girl let him go out and do all of the things he did with the TV shows. Flavor said that he had problems for years with her but he's back with his family now.
Howard asked if Public Enemy still tours. He said they're going to do some dates around the world starting in July. Howard asked if he thought hip hop would be around this long. Flav said that he knew it would be around when they said it would go away. He said that he's not shocked it's still around.
Flavor told Howard that the best way to get off drugs was for him to leave Los Angeles. He said he did the Bernie Mac show and that really snapped him out of it too. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song for a few seconds. Howard said it didn't work out so well though. He took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that Flavor Flav is fantastic. He said he might be the best guest ever. Howard said he and Flavor grew up in the same town and it's amazing anyone came out of there alive.
Another caller said it was two great back to back interviews. He liked Kevin and Flavor. The guy said that Flavor's kids have to be ugly as shit. Howard said his wives are very good looking. Howard said people would say the same thing about him but his daughters are beautiful. He credits his ex-wife for that.
The caller said that he'd like Geektime put back on Saturday. He said that Tim Sabean is ruining their days. Howard said they have so many different programs on the channels and they try to throw in some of the guys that are on the show doing their own thing. He said it may not appeal to everyone all the time. Howard said they give King of All Blacks a show and maybe Chuck Zito here and there. He said not everything is going to be a home run.
Another caller said that Flavor Flav used to wear that clock around his neck and wondered if he's still wearing it. Howard said he did have one on today. The caller asked if they're still going to play games and give money away. Howard said they will but not today.
Howard played more of the audio of Oprah rambling on and on lecturing her fans. She said that god is always speaking to you and whispering to you. Howard said this is the height of arrogance. He said she's hearing voices in her head and that's called ''being cuckoo.''
Robin said that Oprah gave out an email address and told her fans to keep in touch. She said that she's not saying goodbye. She's just saying ''until we meet again.'' Howard said she's going to be busier now than she was before with that cable network. Howard said Rosie is doing a show over at OWN. He said Oprah doesn't want to do any work so she has other people doing it. Howard said Rosie is going to get to know the real Oprah. He said she got to know Barbara Walters over at the View. He said he can't wait to do an interview with Rosie in about a year. He said he's sure they won't get along.
Howard said there were a few guys who convinced him to come there. He said they told him they were making him a partner. He said they're all gone now and the new people tell him they don't owe him money. He said that they say the contract doesn't say what it says.
Howard said he'd like to know where those three guys are. They got out of Dodge. Howard said he's sitting there by himself now. But there's Fred... and Robin is in another room.
Howard said Oprah says she's happy. He doesn't believe it. He said there's no way she's happy. just look at her. He said all of that eating ain't from happiness. Howard said eating is out of sadness. Howard said Robin will tell you what to eat but he'll tell you why they're eating. Howard said Oprah isn't happy and he can tell just by looking at her. Robin asked if anyone is happy. Howard said yes... and said it's him. Howard said he's not happy but there are people who are. Robin said life gives you some moments of happiness but no one is happy all the time. Robin said that Howard talks to himself in the bathroom. Howard said he's constantly talking to himself. He said that's not god, that's you talking to you. He said that's what Oprah is talking about. It's not God, it's you.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon ran down a bunch of things they were going to cover today. They talked about Kevin Bacon coming in and talked about the X-Men movie. Howard said they offered him a screening for the movie but he was too busy this week. He said he had to go see his kid and he wasn't going to give that up to go see a movie. Jon finished up his show preview and brought up Flavor Flav. They spent a minute talking about him.
Robin said that the movie she saw that she liked Craig Ferguson in was called ''Saving Grace.'' Robin said that ''I Am Number 4'' is another good one she recommended to Howard. Howard said he has to check that one out.
Robin said that Barry Bonds is going to pay the college funds for the Giants fan who was beaten outside of Dodger stadium. Robin said that he made the pledge after visiting the family in the hospital in April. Howard said that beating is just wrong. He said he heard that they do that kind of stuff in Philly too. He said they're like barbarians. He said it's dumb sports and people get worked up.
Robin read a story about a truck driver who had an air hose pierce his buttock while driving. Robin said the hose was forcing air into his body at 100 PSI. She said that he was standing on his truck when he slipped and fell on the hose. The host pumped air into his body when it pierced him. She said the guy's coworkers came over and released a safety valve to stop the air flow. Robin said the guy felt he was going to explode. He's in the hospital now. His skin was crackling on the outside but soft on the inside.
Howard said the guy Will I Am in the Black Eyed Peas has that plastic hair and he loves it. He said he wouldn't have to worry about his hair all the time if he had that. He said it's the greatest.
Robin said they keep changing the cast of The X Factor show. Robin said they've replaced Cheryl Cole. Howard said they're afraid that people won't be able to understand her because she has a heavy accent. Howard said these talent shows are so easy to make. He said it must be great to be on one and have such an easy job.
Robin had some audio of the host of ''So You Think You Can Dance'' talking about what they're expecting this season. Robin said that show will be starting up soon.
Robin had some news about Michelle Obama and how she's saying that girls shouldn't base their likes on the schools men went to. Howard said she's out of her mind. He said she met Obama at Harvard. He said she's full of shit. Robin said she's telling girls to reach for partners that make you better. Howard said he agrees with that. Robin read some of the other stuff she had to say and Howard said that's sounding like Oprah telling women to listen to the voices in their head.
Robin said they're thinking of expelling Arnold Schwarzenegger from the National Fitness Hall of Fame. Howard said it's amazing he's even in that. He said the guy was jacked up on steroids. Robin said that Maria is looking for more secret love children that Arnold might have. Howard said he would love to know what's really going on with Arnold. He said he must be in Austria by now. Robin said he probably can't even go to the airport. They spent a minute on that story.
Robin read a story about a law that people in Santa Monica are trying to pass that would make it illegal to circumcise a male until the age of 18. Howard said he agrees with that and he's behind it.
Howard played a clip of Oprah talking about how she's moving on to her OWN network and how she'll be reading her email during that time. Howard asked where Sirius XM is. She never mentions that. Robin said she doesn't call it Sirius. She calls it XM or XM Sirius. Howard said that's because calling it Sirius would make her think about how it's because of him that they swallowed XM up. Howard said he has plenty to say about that but no one wants to hear it other than Fred.
Robin read a story about Walt Disney trying to trademark the phrase ''SEAL Team Six.'' They've withdrawn the application. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said you can't own that. He said the only one capitalizing on that will be him. He said he and Robin are going to try and trademark it.
Robin said that Nancy Kerrigan's brother was up on charges in the death of their father. Robin said the father had a heart attack and died during a fight they had. Robin asked if he should be responsible. Howard had to think about that for a minute. Howard asked who started it. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he doesn't have enough information to make a ruling. Robin said the jury found him innocent of manslaughter but guilty of the assault charges. Robin had some audio of Nancy Kerrigan talking about how the family didn't think he had anything to do with his death.
Robin read about how Dominique Strauss-Kahn has moved into an apartment in Manhattan. He's being watched by an armed guard 24/7. The rent on the apartment is something like $24,000 a month. Robin said DSK is out on bond right now. Howard read a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break Robin read a story about Jared Loughner and how he's been found not sane enough to stand trial. Howard said it's remarkable that this guy went down and shot people up and they can't put him on trial. Howard said the guy was competent enough to get a gun and do everything up until the shooting. Howard said this guy isn't crazy. He said this is why we had to shoot Osama bin Laden in the head. He said if they had brought him to trial they would have said he was crazy. He said of course he's crazy and they should have shot this guy in the head too. Robin said he had an outburst in his court hearing so they had to have him moved to another room where he watched his hearing on TV. Howard said it annoys the hell out of him.
Robin said a woman who lost 85 percent of her skin and had a lot of other problems when she took Children's Motrin. Robin said it doesn't happen to many people but it happened to this woman.
Robin said that Oprah said goodbye after 25 years. Howard said that hour long show was a very long lecture. He said he's glad it's over. Howard said he things Gayle King deserves anything she gets from being her friend if she has to hear that crap all day long. Robin had Howard play some audio from Oprah's final words. Howard said he hasn't seen the whole show. Robin said she dares him to try and sit through the whole thing. Robin had some audio from Piers Morgan's show where some people discussed Oprah.
Robin read a story about the tornado that went through Joplin, Missouri killed 125 people. Robin said that it was an F5 tornado and it had 200 mile per hour winds. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about John Edwards denying he did any wrong with his campaign funds during his run for President in 2008. Robin said they think he used the funds to cover up his affair.
Robin had some news about Ringo Starr and how he claims he was more famous than the Beatles were when they brought him on board. Robin said he claims that he was just a ''cool drummer.''
Robin said that the NFL players are still in a lockout by the owners. Robin said that they're not even practicing yet.
Robin said that Doug Ellin has reached out to Charlie Sheen to appear on the final season of Entourage but he missed out on it. Robin and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon also mentioned the $4,000 toilet Howard bought and explained today. Gary said that they have a bathroom there in ''the compound'' but right outside they have a bathroom that's actually very clean. He said they keep that bathroom very clean for a radio station bathroom. Jon said he doesn't think Tim could handle being locked out of that one. Will said he must shit in there 2 or 3 times a day. He said he's followed him in there and it's the most vile smell.
Gary said when he goes in there he flushes as soon as he goes. He said he doesn't do it all the time but once in a while he has no choice.
Gary said that Lisa G keeps chocolate in her news room and it has to be hidden from Tim. He'll take handfuls of that. Gary said they tell him what Tim eats and he eats a lot of shit. Jon asked if he's pretending he's dieting. Gary said he thinks he's still doing that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Kevin Bacon. He said that he had Howard seem to have something going on. Gary said they have seen each other socially. Gary said that Kevin hasn't been there for a while. He said that they were reminiscing about the times he's been on. He was on in L.A. once when they were only on in a few markets. Kevin did the show and it was a big deal for them. That was in the day that actors didn't do the Howard Stern Show. Gary said Kevin thought it would be fun and just did the show.
Gary said he used to see Lou Reed out on the street all the time. Kevin helps people out in the street all the time. They talked about that for a minute. They also talked about Kevin's phone getting stolen and how he chased the guy for a short time until he lost him.
Gary and Jon also talked about Kevin being in Animal House and Footloose. Gary said he wasn't a big fan of Footloose. They went over some of the other movies he's been in. He's been in a ton of movies. Jon said he's really talented. He said he loves how candid he is when he talks about Footloose and people trying to get him dance at weddings. Jon said that must be really annoying. Gary said it would be 100 times sadder if he actually did it. Benjy wondered how much it would cost to get him to do it at a wedding or bar mitzvah.
Gary wondered what other people would be expected to do that stuff at a wedding. He said that Billy Joel must hate going and seeing a piano at a party. Gary said that Kevin has done a thousand things since Footloose so it must suck when they only think about that movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how it works when a guest has to leave so quickly. He asked if they have a car service waiting. Gary said they don't but the guests might have a publicist with them. The publicist told him he had to be out of there at 7:45 and he had to keep going in to remind Howard that he had to leave. He was going to miss his plane if they didn't get him out of there so the publicist could lose their job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows they touched on this but what's up with Howard making Kevin wait while he talks about his own shit. Gary said Howard didn't know he had to leave so early. He said he didn't know it until later.
Another caller asked what the punishment is going to be for Tim the shit monster. Gary said he will remind himself to talk to Howard about it when they come back on Monday. They'll discuss it with Howard and Tim. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard did speak with Kevin about it and Kevin seems to be over it now. Kevin was also glad that Keira has been doing ''The Closer'' because that's helped with the money situation. Jon said that a lot of smart people got ripped off with the Bernie Madoff thing. They spent a couple of minutes going over that. Benjy said that it sounded to him like they lost almost everything but the apartment.
Gary said he would like to think that he has a lot of residual checks coming in from all of the movies he's done.
Jon asked the guys if they were surprised to hear Howard spent 4 grand on a toilet. Benjy said it seems worthwhile to him. Gary said it does seem extravagant to some people but other people spend a quarter of a million on a car. Howard doesn't do that so 4 grand for a toilet isn't so bad.
Jon asked about Flavor Flav coming in today. Gary said that Flavor came in early and he was wearing a crown when he came in. He said he had to have a weird conversation with him about taking the crown off. He said he was able to leave it on and put the headphones on over it. He said Flavor mentioned that they did it when he first got on the air.
The guys said that Lisa G was happy to see Flavor. She bonded with him over the days at the station she used to work at, Hot 97.
on said that Flavor told Howard about his upbringing and how he grew up in a different Roosevelt than Howard did. Jon said it seems like Flavor has done everything in his life and there's not much he hasn't done. Gary said Jason was saying that Flavor is a goofy guy and kind of fun loving but then you hear him talking about hitting women and you lose respect.
Jon said that Flavor seemed to be turning on Howard when Howard was talking to him about his sister. He said the fun loving character was disappearing. Gary said that character he does was going away when Howard was talking about that.
Will said the conversation got very heavy and he didn't want to go there. Benjy said that Howard was trying to make it clear he wasn't trying to insult his sister. Gary said it was very much like that time Mr. T thought he was insulting his mother.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Flavor's breath stinks worse than Gary's. Gary said his is worse. Benjy found out the guy on the line was Jamaican and said that doesn't seem like a Jamaican kind of joke.
Lisa G came in and told the guys about how many memories it brought back seeing Flavor today. She said that Flavor would disappear and they used to call the jails around to find out where he was. She said he would be in Rikers all the time. She said they would find him and he'd call in to tell them where he was. She said he used to do the weather for them.
Will said he thinks Flavor was trying to grab her ass today. Lisa said he wasn't. She said she loves him so much. Will said Flavor used to be a school bus driver so that was kind of shocking.
Jon took a call from a guy who was talking about how he thinks that Flavor is just doing a character. Gary said that he might be but he doesn't really care. He said that you have to fight through that character and Howard does it. He said it's a struggle sometimes.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Lisa if she's attracted to black guys more than white. Lisa said she doesn't care about color. She said she went to Jamaica with Flavor with the station once. She said she didn't know this side of him back then. Benjy asked if any black guys came on to her. She said that Mace did and he's a minister now. She said he asked her out and she didn't go. She had a boyfriend at the time.
Will asked Lisa when she's going to admit she had some work done. He said she is looking different. Lisa said she's not sure what it is but she's thinking it's the exercise she's doing. She said that she's standing up taller and maybe that's it. Jon said that the buzz in the back is that she's seeing someone. Lisa said she would tell them if she was. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jason has taken a lot of crap about the way he was treating Scott. Jon said that Scott is the one who gets knocked for what he does. Gary said that if anyone else had said what Jason said they wouldn't have gotten the shit Jason got. He said that it's the person saying it. He said that a lot of people wonder who the fuck Jason thinks he is.
Benjy said that it kind of came out of left field with Jason said that might be part of it too. Gary said Scott did seem blind sided by it. Will said he's not sure what it is but Jason seems to irritate everyone.
Benjy said that it sometimes seems like Jason is trying to damage people when he talks about them. Gary said that Jason was raised on the show and he's in the Howard camp drinking the Howard Kool-Aid. He said that he's telling the dead honest truth and that may come across as cruel. Shuli said he was extra vicious that day.
Jon said that Jason will throw you under the bus and he'll tell you that he was the one who did it. Shuli said he'll do that but he'll throw young under the bus first.
Jon said that Scott did an impression of Jason's laugh and it's made it into Fred's sound clips. Gary said that's his second favorite sound clip of the week. He said his other favorite is Tim knocking over the guitar.
Jon asked why Oprah gets under Howard's skin so much. Gary said he thinks that Howard thinks she's not being honest telling people she's happy and telling people how to run their lives. Gary sarcastically said Howard never does that. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.