|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he was done within 30 seconds of the show starting. He said he was finished. He moved on to talk about Charlie Sheen and how they almost got him to come in there. He said he's in town for his shows. Howard said the guy is a genius because he manages to get guys in the room for his shows even though they get awful reviews.
Howard said Gary told him over the weekend that they wanted him to show up on Sunday night for Charlie's show to host it. He said if he had done that they would air the show on Howard 101 on Sunday night. Howard said he told Gary to tell them he wouldn't do it but he would put the show on Howard 101. He said he didn't know what he was expected to do. He heard that James Lipton and Daryl Strawberry showed up and he didn't get booed off the stage. That was considered a good show. He said James Lipton was asking him what his favorite curse word was and he said ''Fuck and Denise Richards.'' Howard said he's not sure he would have been comfortable doing the show.
Howard said they saw that chuck Zito was involved with Charlie and they asked him to try and help get Charlie in there. He said Chuck is traveling with the guy and he's part of the show so he was saying that they have to give them something to get something from them. Howard said they give a lot to Chuck so maybe he could give something in return. Robin said she doesn't expect much from Chuck other than him showing up. Howard said he's apparently intimately involved with that group.
Howard said h read that Rob's book is horrible. He read about some of the stuff he writes about and he complains about being defined as a ''hunk.'' Howard said he just posed on Vanity Fair shirtless and he's worried about being called a hunk. Howard said he can't imagine the horror of being called a hunk. He said that must be really horrible.
Howard said that people call him turkey neck and Jew nose and this guy is upset he's being called a hunk. Howard said he's sure Stamos hates when he's called that.
Howard said he Tweeted that he had seen that ''hunk'' quote and said it must be really awful. That's when people started calling him a fag. He said he hates his followers. He said about 90 percent of them are great but it's the others that are horrible.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had seen that Karina Smirnoff is going to be in Playboy. Howard said he did hear that. Ronnie came in so Howard asked why he didn't put in the @ symbol in his Tweet. Ronnie said he ran out of space and put that in as a follow up to his previous Tweet. Ronnie said he was Tweeting about this imposter for this xxSexyVixenxx person. Ronnie is her night in shining armor.
Howard said JD was the one who told him that he was Tweeting this morning. Ronnie said that people get him really upset on that thing. Robin said if he didn't go on he wouldn't get upset. Ronnie told her to stop. Howard played a Ronnie song parody about him being verified on Twitter.
Howard told Ronnie to go back to Tweeting. He got back to the caller. The caller got back to the Karina chick who was on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she seems to have gone off her rocker. He said she had a nose job and her face is morphing. He said she has a great body and her face was okay. He said she should have left it alone. He said she's pretty in an odd way but she's trying to be pretty in a classic good looking way. He said she's getting more and more work done. Howard said she's announced she's going to be in Playboy and they say if she's in Playboy they'll fire her from Dancing with the Stars. Robin said they have Playmates on the show. Howard said that's what he was going to say. They have women who have been in the magazine before on the show. He doesn't know why they'd be upset.
Howard said Brooke Burke has been in Playboy and she's one of the hosts. The caller said he doesn't watch the show but he has seen some stuff. Howard said that means he watches the show. He said Robin is the same way and she claims she doesn't watch but she knows a lot about the show. Robin said she watches the rehash of the show but doesn't watch it regularly.
Howard said they obviously don't give a shit about Rihanna. He said they even said they would let their daughters date the guy. Some of the guys said they have hit women but they had good reason to do so.
Howard said that was a little smattering of some people on the street. They don't seem to care that the guy hit a woman. Howard said he's not sure where Wolfie was but he won't be hanging out there.
Howard said he read that Regis was going to get his own show but he ran into the guy the other day and he asked why he doesn't get his own thing going and Regis said he doesn't want to work 5 days a week. Howard said the guy doesn't seem to be looking to work a full schedule. Robin said maybe he should get back together with Kathie Lee. Howard said she doesn't seem to be a very good role model. He said she's drinking wine early in the morning. Howard said maybe she's drinking lemonade and it just looks like wine. He said he never thought she'd get another gig on TV so good for her getting that Today Show thing.
Howard said bikini season is coming up so he has to get ready for that. He said he's going to have to keep his shirt on when he's out in L.A. soon. He said he has moobs or man boobs. He said he doesn't want anyone seeing those. He said he's going to be pool side with his shirt on. Howard said he'll get the weight off but he's going to have to work at it. Howard said he quit drinking for 3 weeks when he had a strange kidney test. He said he had a drink but thought that maybe he should just stop. He said that kind of freaked him out with the bad blood test. He said the doctor said it was nothing but it still freaked him out. Howard said he tries to be a little fun and this is what happens.
Howard said he hooked up with Jon Hein and Ralph and had a 3 way conversation. He said they didn't have Lisa G's name to get her on. He said they were exchanging pictures with each other. He said some guy called the Wrap Up Show and said that Jon had become one of his good friends. Jon said that they do that because they're talking over the computer. Howard said he and Jon got close when they both had Android phones and when he got his iPhone he stopped talking to Jon. He said Jon went out and bought an iPhone. He said Ralph thinks Jon freaked out and missed talking to him so he went out and got the iPhone. Howard said Jon got the phone within 3 days of him getting one. Ralph told him he's been trying to get Jon to get an iPhone for years and Howard got him to do it in days.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where the called asked about the way Jon has wormed his way into Howard's life with the phone thing. Jon was saying he wasn't worming his way into Howard's life in that clip.
Jon came in and said that he wasn't trying to work his way into Howard's life. Howard said they were spending a lot of time with him when they had the phone thing to talk about. Howard stopped when he moved to the iPhone and then Jon got one. Jon said he was waiting for it to come to Verizon and that's what he did. He said the one thing he didn't like about the Android was the battery life. He said he's going to stick with his iPhone even if Howard gives it up. Howard said he's going to keep his.
Jon said the greatest thing was that Ralph wasn't able to get his iChat to work. Howard said Ralph would talk and nothing would work and he'd get all upset about it. Howard said he and Jon were fine. Jon said he must have faulty equipment. He said he claims to know how to use a Mac but it wasn't working last night.
Howard said he had a lot of fun doing that but he's got too much equipment. He said he heard something beeping at him and he didn't know it was the computer. He thought it was the phone but it was his computer.
Robin said she's still feeling weird with the whole Apple computer thing. Howard said she'll get used to it eventually.
Howard said he was checking out Ralph's apartment and he had never seen it before. He said that he had stuff on shelves which surprised him. He said Ralph was saying that was his ''work'' there. He makes little drawings and art and stuff. He said he's not sure what job he has where he has to do this ''work.'' Howard said when you work you make money. He said he calls photography a hobby and Ralph must have a lot of hobbies that he calls work. Howard said he knows another guy like that who says they do this work but they never actually have a job. He was referring to someone who goes on a lot of auditions but never books a job.
Howard said Ralph had a lot of stuff hanging up in his apartment and it was like someone hanging up their kid's stuff on a refrigerator.
Howard said they were having a competition last night trying to figure out who had the cooler stuff in their apartment. Howard said he got his Iron Man mask from the movie and Ralph got out his mask and said his was better because he could put it on. Jon had nothing to show other than his dog.
Howard said Ralph pulled out that Iron Man figurine and showed that. Howard said he gave that to Ralph so he told him he can't pull that out. Howard said he has the ''Senator Stern'' name plate from Iron Man 2 and he showed that. Ralph didn't think that was so cool.
Howard said they were showing pictures so he showed some of Beth. Ralph was showing some good ones too. Howard said they were mostly of John Stamos' girlfriend. Howard said he and Jon were talking about Richard Christy when he was fat and they talked about how he looked better fat. He has a lollipop head now. Howard said Ralph pointed out that he wasn't invited to the wedding. Howard said Richard invited everyone. Ralph doesn't give gifts so maybe that's why he doesn't get invited. Howard said he gives shitty gifts when he does give them.
Howard and Jon talked about how creepy Ralph's apartment looked. Howard said he knows a girl who dated him and cried when she saw the apartment. Howard said he invited Ralph and that girl over for dinner once and she was talking about going to his apartment and seeing the big picture of Pamela Anderson. She thought he was like a 2 year old. Howard did an impression of her telling him about what she saw there and how she ran into the bathroom and told her friend about the Star Wars stuff and the Pam picture. She started to cry in his bathroom. Howard said Ralph doesn't care. He just tells her to leave if she doesn't like it. Jon said he thinks she made the right move. Howard said she ended up staying and Ralph did fuck her. Gary said that didn't last very long though. It was maybe 6 months.
Howard said Ralph can't tolerate people and women and if any of them lay a problem on him they're out the door. Gary said they've known him for like 25 years and he's never dated anyone longer than 3 months.
Howard said the chick was kind of cool but he knew it was over when she got into a car accident and asked Ralph to come and help her. Ralph didn't do anything and said he didn't know what she wanted him to do about it.
Gary said he asked Richard about the wedding thing and Richard said they're on the fence about Ralph. He said ''probably not'' about inviting him to the wedding. Howard asked Richard why he's on the fence. Richard came in and said he can imagine Ralph making fun of the people at the wedding and analyzing everything there. Howard said he would imagine that too.
Richard said his greatest joy ever was when he beat Ralph in the IQ test. He said he had a 117 and Ralph had a 112. Richard said they may invite Ralph if they have room in the wedding. He said he doubts that he'll want to come now though. Howard said he doesn't really hang out with him anyway. Richard said he might think that everyone from the show is invited. He said they're limited with who they're inviting so they have to pick people they hang out with.
Howard said he got some babysitter porn again. He said it's very powerful for him. He said he has gone through like 50 babysitter porn on the front page and he's gone through them all. He said he found 10 more pages of that. He said he'll be around with that for a long time. He said he doesn't care about the black on white stuff or anything else like that. Howard said in this video he was watching they had the wife jump in with the babysitter.
Howard said for the last couple of months he noticed he had this bump at the base of his penis. He said he showed it to the doctor and he said it was nothing. Howard said he knew it had to be something so he decided to squeeze the thing as hard as he could. He said he felt like Hercules. He said all of this white shit came out of it and it smelled. He said it was the greatest feeling in the world to pop that thing. He said he did it himself and it was like a hard pimple. Howard said it was like a super pimple or something. He said it was so much fun popping it. He said he woke up this morning thinking about how he healed himself. He said it was great. He was examining the stuff that came out and he was so happy. He said he wants to throw up from it.
Robin said the thing that amazes her about George is that he gets so excited about a naked man. Howard said he knows. Robin said he gets all dreamy and his eyes get wider and his voice changes. Howard said the other thing that makes it great is that George is getting recognized so much more now that he's been on the show. He said he was on Wendy Williams and shows like that. Howard said before George was on this show he wasn't on shows like that.
Gary told Howard that Psych had taken some of George's singing and put it to music. Howard played that clip and Psych had taken a bunch of George's singing and put it to music and it really worked like a musical. Howard said that it's official, Psych is a genius.
Howard said Wendy Williams is obviously a fan. He said that George has a foot problem and he still insists that it's a sneaker accident. Howard said his feet are twisted and turned like they're bound up in foot bindings. George thinks that it was some sneakers that didn't fit that did it. He said if his shoes were doing that to him he'd change his shoes.
Howard played some audio of George talking to Wendy Williams about his feet. George and Wendy talked about Howard and Robin and then Wendy told him about her feet not being so pretty. George said his were downright ugly and he blamed it on a ''running accident.'' Howard said if it was an accident then just one would be fucked up, not both. Howard told Jason to Tweet out the photo of his feet so the fans could see that. Howard played more of George talking about the sneakers and how he wore them in a 10K run. George said his foot clenched up that night and he had to be taken off to a hospital.
Howard said his feet wouldn't be identically fucked up if that was what happened. Robin said that he could have gotten better fitting sneakers. Howard said Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins from Foo Fighters are going to stop by today. Robin said she saw them on Saturday Night Live over the weekend. Howard said he has to ask Dave Grohl about how he shakes his head violently when he's singing. He said he looks like he's going to have whiplash. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if that was Jerry Rafferty. Fred told Howard it was actually the Foo Fighters covering the song.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said hopefully Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins will show up after that.
Lisa told Howard that they have a story about Debbie the Pet Lady calling the cops on Ass Napkin Ed for allegedly harassing her. She claims that he's been posting her personal information on SternFanNetwork.com. Lisa said they have the audio of the report if he wants to hear it. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to play the whole thing. Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear it. Robin said she didn't want to hear the whole report so Howard didn't play it.
Lisa said that JD went to the dentist to get his deep cleaning and she saw something on his tongue that he has to get checked out this week. He has to go to an oral surgeon this week. Howard said it would be great if he had the growth removed and he started speaking perfect English.
Howard said JD should have let the Howard TV guys tape it. He told him to get in there and he'll pop that thing like he did with his penis zit. Howard had JD come in to talk about this growth. JD came in and Howard told him it's probably nothing. He and Fred ended up goofing on JD about his speech and how maybe that growth is what's causing that. JD just laughed. Howard asked when he's getting this checked out. JD said he's doing that on Friday. Howard asked JD to bring the growth in if he gets it removed. He wants to put it on display in the studio.
Howard asked JD how much he spent at Rick's Cabaret when he was there recently. JD said he only spent $40 but then he spent $60 on the cab ride home. JD said he calculated how much he'd have to spend before he went.
Howard said this dental stuff is apparently going to cost JD a lot of money because their coverage apparently sucks there. JD said it is going to be a lot. Howard asked how bad it is. JD said he had 5 cavities and it cost him about $1,000. Howard asked why they have insurance if it's going to cost him that much. Howard asked who covers them. Gary said it's something called Delta. He said he'd never heard of it before. Howard asked what the fuck is with insurance in this country. He heard that Richard had to pay over $1,000 for a root canal. Howard said he's going to start a dental insurance company. they don't pay anything. Howard wondered what it costs the company to pay this company. He said they must have just cheaped out. Howard and Fred goofed on JD for a minute before letting him go. Howard said he should have let the Howard TV guys tape him. JD said he doesn't want everything he does being taped. JD said he was spitting out blood like crazy when he was done with the deep cleaning.
Howard asked JD if he's eating out these porno chicks he's going out with. JD said he's not Benjy. Howard said he's been with strippers but he won't eat them out. He said he hasn't fucked them either. He said he just hung out. Howard said JD is busy licking their filthy vagina's. JD said ''No... NO'' to that. Howard said they should name that growth in his mouth. He said it could be ''whore mouth.'' Robin said it could be ''Whore in Mouth Disease.''
Howard said it would be great if that growth turned out to be a baby and it was a baby stripper. Howard told him not to eat out the strippers. JD said that now the girls are going to hear about this all the time. Howard told him to make sure he gets to that appointment on Friday. JD said he will. Howard told him to let the news crew follow him too.
Lisa said that Ronnie is upset to see Pia Toscano voted off of American Idol. Howard said she sings fine and that was bullshit. He said all of the teens voting on the show are just jealous of her. He said she'll be fine. She already has a record deal.
Ronnie came in to talk about how upset he was with the voting. He said that he was voting for Pia and put in at least 25 of his own.
Lisa got back to her news and said that Jillian Barberie was up for a part on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills but they felt that her personality and job weren't right for the show. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about the bodies they've been finding at a beach there in New York. He said that they found a little girl there over the weekend. Howard said they're trying to put together a profile about the killer and they think it could be a cop. That led to the cops freaking out thinking that they were being portrayed in the wrong way.
Howard said he was reading a story about these people who keep exotic pets in their homes. He said he was watching this show about it and it seems like a lot of it goes down in Florida. Howard said there's a couple that's raising mountain lions and tigers and they're playing with them on their couch. They say that if they get one bite on the neck they could be dead. Howard said they have a story about a guy who lived with a bear and the bear ended up killing him. He said one guy seemed like a big biker guy and he started crying over his lions. Howard said the guy was all upset about them being put in cages and stuff.
Howard said one guy was talking about how people in Africa don't try to keep lions in their homes. They eat people. Howard said there are some nudnicks in this country who get so bored they have to have them as pets.
Howard said last week he saw American Idol with Gwen Stefani promoting her clothing line. He said the only people who can wear her clothes is Gwen. He said she dressed the other girls up and the girls looked ridiculous. Howard said Gwen is a tiny, thin blond and the other girls just didn't fit in her clothes.
Howard talked about sending our troops into Libya and how bad we're looking not getting this war over in days. He said we should be out of there already.
Howard said he's not sure where the Foo Fighter dudes are. He just got a note saying they were on their way up.
Howard said there are so many animals out there that need to be adopted. He said that people could adopt them instead of these exotic pets. He said that you can squint and imagine a cat being a lion.
Howard asked Dave about the way he whips his head around during his performances and if he hurts himself doing that. Dave said he can be kind of sore when he starts a tour.
Howard said he read that Dave is almost deaf from playing rock and roll. Dave said he is almost deaf in his left hear. Howard asked why he doesn't wear Ultimate Ears or something. Dave said they look stupid. Howard said he does things with his mic to save his voice. He said if Dave is deaf then things could be over. Dave said the earphones can be even worse for your ears. He said it does scare him that he could be deaf some day. He said he can get some rest when his kids are running around by just rolling over and sleeping on his good ear.
Howard said he was glad that they're making good rock songs. He said here isn't much out there right now so it's good to hear. He said it must be weird to be in the music business right now. He said that he noticed that Dave has heavily tattooed himself. Dave said he does have a few more since the last time he was on. He has big crow feathers on his arms so Howard asked what's up with that. Dave said that crows and ravens go back in time and he thought they were cool. He said that Kat Von D did them and fixed some tattoos he had before. Dave said he told Kat what he wanted to do and she showed him what she would do and he did it.
Howard said he has big red designs and things on his upper arms too. He said something must be going on with him. Howard said he has too much time if he's doing all of this.
Dave told Howard he got the big red ones when he started drumming again and he thought it would look really cool in pictures of him drumming. Taylor didn't have many. He said he got married and he had a bunch of girl's names on him so he just stopped . Howard didn't know he got married. He was shocked. Howard asked what modeling agency she's from. Taylor said she's from his own personal modeling agency.
Howard said it must be great to have sex with models. They said it really is great. Dave said it's great having sex even with ugly people but it's even better with the hot people.
Howard asked Dave about this new album, ''Wasting Light,'' and how they got Pat Smear to come back. He said he's come and gone from the band a bunch of times. Howard asked why they let him come back. Taylor said he's really fun. Dave said Pat was on the first record he did and then the second one. He said that they were out on the road the entire time and Pat is a little older than they are. Dave said he got sick of it and he wanted out. Dave said that Pat didn't want to be in the band anymore and he begged him to stay.
Howard said that it's a miracle that Dave has been in two hit bands, Nirvana and now Foo Fighter. He said that Pat must see that and want to be in something successful.
Howard asked what the lead guitarist, Chris, thinks about bringing Pat back in. Dave said that they got another guy when Pat split. Dave said they were doing the acoustic tour in 2005 and they had more instrumentation in that tour. Dave said they needed another guitar player so he asked Pat to come back. He said they needed more than just Chris. Howard said he would feel awful if he was the lead guitar player. Dave said it was a little awkward. Dave said they checked with Chris with it and he did feel a little weird about it. Dave said he's the boss so he told Chris to just try it.
Howard asked Dave if it's a dream being the boss of the band. Dave said it's kick ass. Howard said it must be great to just tell them what he wants to do. Taylor said they work really well together. He said that Pat is the dirty, undertone guy on the band and he's like the gutter of the Foo Fighters.
Howard asked Dave if he ever feels that he's going to lose his voice when he yells. Dave said it's great that he's so worried about him. He said he dos blow out his voice sometimes. He said he's a little more in the moment with stuff like that. He said he'll know when it's time to stop. Howard said he might get to be 50 and he'll want to do a tribute to Paul McCartney and he won't have a voice left.
Taylor told Howard that he tries to save his voice. He said that Dave just drinks a Bud Light while he's drinking tea for his voice. Howard said Taylor harmonizes behind Dave and he wears shorts while he plays. Taylor said he grew up in Laguna Beach and that's what he's used to.
Howard asked Dave how he became a front man with a guitar after being the drummer in Nirvana. Dave said that he was a guitar player before a drummer. Taylor said Pat had a great story about Dave playing guitar and the guys in the band thought that they weren't even the best guitar players after hearing him playing.
Howard asked if he was a musical prodigy. Dave said he could figure stuff out and know how to play it in his mind. Howard asked if he had piano lessons. Dave said he didn't but his parents were musicians. Howard asked if they wanted him to learn to read music. He said they didn't and he never did learn. He still can't read music.
Dave told Howard about his parents and how he wanted to drop out of school and they were all for it as long as he got a job. He said that he knew that he could make it without school. Howard asked Taylor if he went to college. Taylor said he went to Junior College. Howard said that's like retard school. That's where you go to fuck girls.
Howard asked Dave if he was the cool kid in high school. Dave said ''absolutely not.'' Howard asked Dave about getting into Nirvana and how they went through like 5 other guys before they found Dave. Dave said that Kurt was a great lyricist but he waned to make the songs as simple to remember as possible. He said that they'd just play along with him and make a song. They wanted to keep the music as pure as possible.
Howard asked Dave how he functioned in that band. Dave said it was great. He said he was perfectly happy doing what he did in that band. Howard asked if he had all of these songs in his head when he was in that band. Dave said he would record his own stuff in his friend's basement. He said that Kurt liked some of his stuff but he didn't want to do it because he didn't want to change the lyrics.
Howard said that Kurt's death kind of liberated him. Dave said that they all do their side projects and he knows that he'd still be doing stuff with Kurt if he was still alive. Howard said maybe he wouldn't have blossomed if he hadn't died. Dave said that if things were different then things would be different.
Howard asked Dave how he found out about Kurt. Dave didn't remember who told him. He said that they just went over to Krist Novoselic's house after they found out the news. He said that he would turn on the radio and couldn't listen to Nirvana songs. He said that he would listen to other music and start crying over it.
Howard said Dave went to therapy and got through all of that. He asked what he talked about in therapy. Dave said that he played with Tom Petty on Saturday Night Live and that helped. He said he didn't want to play drums ever again right after it happened. He said that it reminded him of Kurt and Nirvana so it was just sad. Dave said things got weird toward the end with Kurt. Dave said that they had all split off at the end. He said he doesn't do drugs himself and there were drugs around. He said there were people who did drugs and people who didn't so he was out of that world. He said he was just out.
Dave said that it was time for a break around the time that Kurt died. He said that things were bad and they needed a break. Howard asked if he gets upset when Courtney Love goes out spouting off about him and his relationship with Kurt. Dave said they all have their own versions of what went on. He said that you just have to protect yourself from all of that. Howard asked if he has ever asked her to just stop it. Dave said he has better stuff to do. He said he has this great band, kids and this wonderful life. Dave said he doesn't want to focus on that stuff.
Howard said that Dave would have to deal with Courtney if he wanted to release some Nirvana stuff. Dave said that he has people who deal with that. He said people seem to stay out of the way of all of that when it comes to that band. He said they know that the music is the focus there.
Howard said that the music with Nirvana must have been great. He said they sold a lot of records. Dave said they did. They didn't tour all that much though. Dave said he was like 24-25 years old back then and he had never had a paying job before that. He said his life really turned out to be awesome.
Howard asked what he was worth back then. Dave didn't remember. He said it wasn't all that much. Howard guessed it was around $15 million. Dave said it could have been around that much so Taylor said he wished he was in Nirvana.
Howard asked Dave if he met any of the other drummers who were in Nirvana. Dave said he actually did. He said he went out to eat with one of the guys and the guy jumped in an industrial dryer and had them spin him around in it. He said that this guy Chad was one of the drummers and he's got his own thing going on now. He said another guy, Dale Kroger, played don the first Nirvana record. He said he's his drumming hero. He was in Kurt's favorite band so that's why he wanted him. He said he's in the Melvin's now. Howard said that's some choice to make. He said that you make the right choice and you're in Nirvana making $15 million or your in The Melvin's and you have to work at McDonald's to make money. Dave and Taylor said The Melvin's are doing okay, they're still touring.
Dave said that they don't even talk about money in the band. He said they just go out and tour. Howard said they must talk about money. Howard asked if Taylor is on salary. Dave said that they have an equal split for a lot of stuff and some of the guys get paid for being in the band. Howard said Dave is the boss. Dave said he owns all of their catalog, they just license the music to Sony BMG. Howard said that seems like a smart thing to do. Dave said he can be smart with some of those things. He said he's got a manager that he's had for 21 years now. Howard said that Dave seems very grounded.
Howard asked Dave about the guy from Glee asking to use their music on the show. Dave said that Glee never approached them to use their music. Dave said that they were doing an interview with the Hollywood Reporter and it came up. He said he was trying to make a point in that interview and he thinks that people should just be good at what they do and not try to make it in the industry. He said it's not easy to make it these days.
Howard said that it seems like it's almost okay to sell out these days. He said that the guy from Glee came out and said that it's not cool that they won't do the show. Dave said he said that thing in the interview and he told his manager about what he did and the manager kind of freaked out. He said that other guys came out and backed him up about it. He said that the creator of Glee came down on some other people who were against the show. Dave said this guy Ryan Murphy admitted he was kind of a jerk about it and he was sorry he had said what he said.
Dave said they did this show in New York once and they were asked to do a red carpet event and they were told if they didn't do it then their career could be over. He said there was a radio show that they were asked to do and they said if they didn't do it then they'd pull all of their stuff. He said that they threaten you to do stuff and you just have to say ''fuck you'' to them.
Howard said he's heard about pulling their music from all of a company's stations. Dave said it's happened to them more than once and they've been playing music for 16 years.
Howard said it must be awful to have great music in you and have to play in bars. He said that happens to some people. Howard said he never got into this to make money. Dave said he remembers Howard in DC as a kid. Howard said he was around for 8-10 years before then.
Howard said the guys have a new album out. He said it's a little scary for him because the music industry has changed so much. Howard said that their stuff is basically being given away free. Dave said they sell out stadiums now so that's where they make their money. Dave said they just made this new record in his garage. He said he thinks that it sounds better being made in the garage. He said they did it to tape and not to computers. They wanted it to sound different than what's on radio now. Dave said if they did that with a Beatle's album and put it through Pro Tools or something, it wouldn't be the Beatles. Taylor said that it's great to hear little mistakes in the songs. It gives them personality. They take all of that out of the other music on the radio these days.
Howard said that his garage must be nice. Dave said it really is a nice one. Howard asked if he has a lot of neighbors. Dave said he has a lot of land. He said his neighbors are like a quarter of a mile away. Howard asked if Taylor goes in and does the drums and then they record a track with the guitar. Dave said they have Taylor in the garage and the guitar in another room. They do isolate the instruments. Howard said it sounds like fun. He asked if the wife gets annoyed. Dave said she was cool.
Howard asked Dave about the song ''Everlong'' and who that was about. Dave said it was about a girl he was dating after his divorce. Dave said that song became so famous after he was on Howard's show. He said that he owes Howard like 10 million for that. Howard said he'll take it. Howard asked if that chick knows that the song was about her. Dave said she does. He said that it just wasn't the right time for him to be dating that woman so that's where the song came from.
Howard asked Dave if he has written a song about his current wife. Dave said of course he has. Howard said that his first ex-wife must have walked away with half of his money. Dave said that he's not sure if he can talk about that. He said that it could have been halfsies though.
Howard said he never thought Taylor would ever get married. Taylor said he can't be a 40 year old guy at some strip club. He said he had this party once and his friend brought over this friend of his girlfriend and she came into the house and said that the place was a dump and there was no way it was on Cribs. He had done Cribs and that was the first thing he heard from her. Taylor said that he was smitten the first time he met her. Howard said now she's living in that dump. Dave said he built his own grotto like the Playboy Mansion has.
Howard asked Taylor if he has kids. Taylor said he's got all of that going on now. Dave said that they've grown up. Taylor said that he and Dave are really close and they go out mountain biking together. He said they have their kids with them now. He said they went to the Saturday Night Live and did a sound check. He said it was insane. They had like 14 kids there.
Howard said he saw them on Saturday Night Live and he never gets tired of seeing the end of the show when everyone is saying good night. He said that Helen Miren was up there and it was such an interesting dynamic to see what was going on. Taylor said that the cast members even hug. He said it's really weird. Howard said he sees the cast hugging the guys and some of them keeping their distance. He said it's great to watch. Dave said it's a weird thing. Howard asked if they feel they have to go up to the band and say hi to them. They said they're like brothers to them.
Howard said that he should play their new song ''Rope'' and let them out of there. He asked about the song and how they wrote that. Dave said they wrote it during a sound check about 4 years ago. Howard asked Dave what he does if he has a song come into his head while he's in the shower or something. Dave said he has hummed something into an answering machine or write chords down on a piece of paper. He said if it's worth remembering then you do something to remember it. Howard said it would make him neurotic if he had things like that in his head.
Howard asked if this ''Rope'' song is about shooting ropes like in a porno. Dave said it's about having that feeling of being restrained by commitment but liking it. Howard asked Gary where the song was. He said he didn't even have it. They had it for him seconds later.
Dave and Taylor said they liked the studio they're in now. They said it was much better than the dump they were in before.
Howard asked Dave if he watches American Idol. Dave said he just started watching for Steven Tyler. Howard said he even votes. Howard said it was disgraceful that the voted Pia off. He said he didn't vote that week so he blames himself for her being voted off.
Howard asked Dave if he felt Steven Tyler sold out for doing the show. Dave said he's perfect for the show but he did think about why he was doing that and not making an Aerosmith record. Howard said he knows that Steven needed the money and that's why he did it. Howard said he's getting like $15 million to do that show. That's like Nirvana money. Howard said that he'll fill the guys in about what J-Lo got to do that show and why she's doing it.
Howard played some of this new ''Rope'' song. Howard said he likes this song. Howard shook his head like Dave does. He let the song play through and talked about how good it sounded. Howard said it must be tough to get the song played since almost all of the rock stations are gone now. Howard said they'll play it there at Sirius XM though. They have like 50 stations there that can play it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dave smoked the house at the Paul McCartney tribute concert. Howard said that must have been fun to do. He said that Dave didn't appear to be nervous at that. Dave said he was pretty nervous. He gets nervous all the time. Howard asked how that manifests itself. Dave said he was spazing out hard on Saturday Night Live. He said he still gets nervous. Taylor does too. Dave said that show is the one he gets most nervous over. Howard said he can't relax when he does shows like David Letterman. Taylor said that when they're told they're doing SNL he's nervous for the whole couple of months before. They worry about screwing the song up in front of that audience. Howard said if they fuck up the sound they could screw them up too. He said he's seen guys get screwed on SNL with their sound.
Taylor said they have this guy JC who works for them and he sits in with the sound guys and the camera guys to work it all out. He said he's like the Obi Wan Kenobi of sound guys.
Taylor was spitting so Robin asked what's going on. He was chewing tobacco. He said he quit smoking and this is his way of tapering off. Howard said Dave must admire him for all of the dumb stuff he does. He said that he must be like his buddy like Joe Perry was to Steven Tyler. Dave said that he and Taylor are close friends and they do spend a lot of time together. Howard said that Dave must have a man crush on Taylor. Taylor said it goes back and forth.
Howard asked if they have ever touched penises. They joked that there was that one time. Howard said that Dave has a crush on Taylor. Dave said he does have a nice personality. Howard said Dave has a good look. He said he has that long, dark hair. Howard asked Robin who she would fuck. She said she would do both of them. Howard asked if they have ever seen each other naked. They couldn't remember.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Courtney Love and how she said that ''My Hero'' was about Kurt. Howard asked if it was about Kurt. Dave said it wasn't. He said it was about this guy Pete Stahl. Howard said he thinks about his dad when he hears the song. He said he worshiped his dad when he hears that song. He was getting emotional thinking about it and he told Dave not to sing that song in front of him.
Howard said it was great to see Dave and Taylor this morning. He said he wishes them luck with the new album. Dave said it had been too long so they shouldn't wait so long next time.
Howard gave them some more plugs and asked the guys if they had anything to say. Taylor thanked the fans for hanging with them for 16 years. He said it's been great. Dave said they didn't think that it would last this long. He said it's great that people still love Rock and Roll. Howard ended the interview on that and went to break.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Fred played him in with a ''Jon Hein sucks Howard's Asshole'' song parody theme.
Howard took a call from a Mark in Boston who asked why they didn't perform this morning. Howard said they did ask before hand but they weren't willing to play. Howard said he guesses that they just weren't feeling it. Mark said he thought they were grateful for the last acoustic performance. Howard said they weren't that grateful. He said that he enjoyed just talking to the boys though.
Mark was also talking about the dental coverage and how he has shitty coverage just like JD. Howard said they had songs coming in already for that JD thing. He played a couple that Richard Christy did. They were about him getting the growth in his mouth from eating out the strippers.
JD came in and told the guys he hasn't eaten out anyone in a long time. He said that he's not even sure where that thing is. Howard said he's glad he sent him to the dentist. He told him to thank him for that. JD thanked him.
Howard got upset that his oatmeal was cold. He said he just has oatmeal and a banana and he can't get it right. He wondered how he could eat it cold. Will told him to take a break and eat it. Howard told him to get out.
Jon Hein finished up his rundown and Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said it was a weird moment when he almost cried in front of Dave Grohl. Howard said he must be losing his testosterone. He said he's got to get out of there when this contract is up. He said he's going to become a woman if he stays. He said he didn't cry but he almost did. Fred played the acoustic version of ''My Hero'' and Howard pretended to cry.
Howard said he was thinking about JD's growth to stop from tearing up. He let the song play through and stayed quiet for a minute. He said he was thinking about Tim Sabean during the song and that kept him from crying too. Janks pretended to be crying when the song was over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Dave Grohl interview was great. Howard said he feels the guy is an incredible talent. The caller said he grew up a fan of Nirvana and Foo Fighters so it was a home run for him.
Robin read about how people in Jamaica are bleaching their skin. Robin said that they're trying to be the cafe ole color of the elite class down there. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her family had some tigers as pets in Texas. She said it was their family pet. Howard asked how many legs she's missing. She said she has all of her body parts. Howard said he saw a movie over the weekend about people who keep those exotic pets and it's called ''The Elephant in the Room'' and people are just bored. She said they had a cougar too. She said they made them get rid of them eventually. She said her father used to walk the tiger around the neighborhood on a leash and harness. Howard said that makes him think that her family didn't value her very much. She said they had to give her to a zoo. She said they moved out into the country and they got the cougar. Howard said it should be living in a jungle. The caller said that it was a very interesting childhood. Howard thanked her for the call. He said these people are nuts.
Robin got back to her news and read about a new book that's coming out with John Lennon letters in it. Robin said they are going through all of his written letters and they'll be printing some of them in the book.
Robin read a story about using wind as a form of power. She said that wind farms are far less efficient than claimed. She said the British did a study and found that it's not reliable enough.
Robin read about Sirhan Sirhan, the guy who is in prison for assassinating Robert F. Kennedy, and how some notes that he wrote will be auctioned off. Robin said that some stuff she has no desire to read. Howard said his father loved Bobby Kennedy so he loved him too. He said he remembers seeing the chaos in the room when it happened and how miserable it was. He said he can't believe that Sirhan Sirhan is still alive. Robin said he's 66 years old and he was just denied parole.
Robin read about how the Japanese are widening the evacuation zone for the nuclear power plants. Robin said they had another aftershock of about 7.9 this morning. Robin said they are also saying that a lot of stuff is washing ashore now that the tsunami is gone. Robin said they have a lot of safes washing up on shore and the police are trying to find the owners.
Howard said he saw that movie Hereafter and it was kind of shitty but he liked the way they showed the Tsunami.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he knew the movie that Don Rickles was in with Burt Lancaster and some other big stars. Howard didn't remember it but Robin knew it was ''Run Silent, Run Deep.'' The caller also asked if he had seen the movie ''Apocalypto.'' Howard did see it and said he loved it. He had to go to break after talking to the guy about that for a minute.
After the break, around 9:45am, Robin got back to her news and read about the averted government shutdown. Robin had some details about that and how we're still not out of the woods with that.
Robin read a story about a toddler that was served alcohol at an Applebees restaurant. Robin said that the mother thought it was apple juice but it was margarita mix instead. The baby had a .10 blood alcohol level when he was brought to the hospital.
Robin read about how Tim Palenti may announce his run for President soon. She read the details about that.
Howard said he walked by Rosie O'Donnell's show the other day and they were making blow job gestures as he walked by. He said he would have stopped in if he knew she was doing the show there that day. Howard had some audio of Rosie and Jeanette talking about that. Rosie talked about how Jeanette had offered Howard ''unlimited head'' once so she pointed to Howard and did the BJ thing. She said Jeanette was craning her neck to see Howard walking out. Howard said he was flirting with her through the glass.
Howard said if he knew they were up there he would have gone in to say hi. He ended up spending an hour with Tim in his office and he could have been in with Rosie instead. Howard said Tim was going on and on about the channels and it was so boring. He said he and Tim were having some personal conversations too. He said it was kind of interesting but it wasn't as good as unlimited head.
Robin got back to her news and read about President Obama wishing that he could go to the supermarket like a regular person. Howard said he could do it. He said he does it every day. Howard said he would like to walk around and take some pictures in the park but he can't do it. He said people would bug him. He said he'd rather be famous and not be able to shop than being ignored and being able to shop.
Robin read about the royal wedding that's coming up. She said they have 1900 people on the guest list. Robin said there are some famous names on the list like David Beckham and Elton John. Howard said Ralph Cirella won't be there or at the Richard Christy wedding. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how Bernie Madoff has been approached by two universities to teach about ethics. Robin said the two universities deny that though.
Robin read about how Mark McGrath got booted off of Celebrity Apprentice last night. Robin said she thinks that Trump knows that Gary Busey is a ratings winner so they kept him around even though he was causing problems with his team.
Howard had Little Mikey on the phone. He's doing his own show tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm. He's going to be playing the top 50 Robin songs of all time. Jim McClure helped him narrow down the songs. Howard gave him a plug and let him go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher releasing an anti-sex slavery campaign online today. Howard said he was just about to start doing that with Beth. Howard said they beat him to it. They're going to have a bunch of celebrities doing videos for this campaign.
Robin read about the new Superman movie and how they're going to talk about the origins of Superman once again. Howard said he doesn't get why they have to go back and do the same dumb movie. He said it's crazy. Robin read some details about the plot and Howard said he just doesn't get it. Robin said she's perplexed too.
Robin read about Pia being booted off of American Idol last week. Howard said they should be telling more stories about Superman after everyone knows who he is. He couldn't get over that.
Robin read about the Masters golf tournament and who won that. She had some details about how Tiger Woods did and how he never managed to pull into first.
Robin read about Director Sydney Lumet's death. She ran down some of the movies he directed. They talked about how he never won an Academy Awards when he was nominated. Robin said he always went up against some really great movies. Robin had some audio from some of his movies.
Robin read about how the movie Hop beat out Arthur at the box office. Robin said that Arthur came in second with $12 million. Robin said the movie is disappointing. She said she saw it and they're so politically correct you can't even say he's a drunk. Robin said he's more childlike than drunk in this movie. She said it doesn't hold a candle to the original.
Robin had some audio of David Arquette talking about the movie ''Scream 4.'' Howard said he has to ask him about why he's saying that he's best friends with the woman he's divorcing.
Robin had some audio of Helen Miren and Russell Brand trying to talk about ''Arthur'' but Howard cut it off after a couple of seconds.
Robin said the movie Hanna didn't do very well at the box office either. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Gary asked about why JD didn't take the Howard TV crew with him. JD said he doesn't want to do that and he doesn't need his mouth on TV. Gary said they shot him at the dentist. He said it was no big deal. Gary and Jon asked what he would think if they said he wasn't a team player. He didn't seem too bothered by that.
Jon and Gary talked about Ronnie voting for Pia on American Idol like 25 times. JD said he can't imagine Ronnie sitting down to watch that show. He said he's into skulls and stuff and he's watching kids doing karaoke. He found that funny.
Jon wanted to talk about Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins coming in. Gary said Dave told him it's close to 10 years. He said he was shocked. Richard showed up so Jon got back to that discussion about Ralph.
The guys talked to Richard about the thing he did the last time Dave Grohl was on the show and how weird that was. He doesn't do that stuff anymore. The guys asked Richard if he'd do weird stuff to meet people from the Halloween movies. Richard said that he would lick the tip of Sal's penis to meet Brad Pitt.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked him about watching American Idol and what he does. Ronnie said sometimes he watches it alone and sometimes it's with Stephanie. He said he likes the show. Ronnie said it seems like the show is set up. Richard asked if he kicked his NASCAR tire when he got angry. Ronnie said he picked it up and threw it. He does watch TV in that room.
Ronnie said he's writing a speech for Richard's wedding. He said that he heard that Richard's future father in law may kick his ass thong. Richard told him not to worry about that.
Jon asked why Ralph isn't invited to his wedding. Richard said he doesn't hang with Ralph and the last time was down at Bubba's wedding.
Gary was laughing about how he was in agreement with Ronnie about the Pia on American Idol thing. They can't believe that she was voted off so early. Jon asked if he votes every week. Ronnie said he doesn't do it every week. The guys talked about Idol for a few minutes.
Jon asked Ronnie about his Tweeting and how he's doing it more now than he said he would. He said he would Tweet once or Twice a day but now he's doing it more than that. They spent another minute on that and then went to break.
The caller said that it seems that Ralph is slowly being phased out of Howard's life. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he may not be in his life as much as he used to be before Howard got married again but that's to be expected.
Gary said he remembers when Ralph used to goof on him for his animation art collection but for some reason it's okay for Ralph to collect toys.
Jon asked Gary why that song ''My Hero'' gets to Howard so much. Gary said he must have something in his head that triggers some memory that makes him feel that way. Jon asked Ronnie if he has any song like that. Ronnie said any Cher song. He laughed after saying that. He said there rally isn't any songs that do that to him. He said there are some movies but he can't remember any off hand.
Jon said Richard gets upset at some things. Richard said he cries during ''Planes, Trains and Automobiles.'' He gets upset when Steve Martin finds out that John Candy is homeless. Jon and Gary didn't remember that scene. Richard described it and got choked up as he talked about it. Ronnie laughed at him. Richard kept telling the story and said it was the saddest thing ever. Richard said it's one of his favorite movies ever. Richard also cried when Cotton on ''King of the Hill'' died. Benjy asked what happened to him. Richard said he died too. Gary pointed out that he was a cartoon.
Benjy said he almost started to cry when Richard was crying. He said he got really caught up in that. Gary said the movie ''My Life'' gets to him. He said that almost every scene in that movie gets to him.
JD said he got emotional during ''127 Hours.'' Benjy said the final episode of The Wonder Years was really sad for him. They spent a few minutes going through things that upset them and then went to another break.
Sal said that Qat is a word but no one else knew it. Sal said he plays the game all night long while his wife watches TV. He said that Nth is a word that you can use in the game. He said he knows what he's doing and he will beat Jon's fat ass again. Jon said he gets his point about not needing to know the words. Sal said they are ''strategical'' words that you use in the game. Gary said he's not strategic, he's cheating. Sal said he's smart when it comes to the game and he knows how to play words that he doesn't know.
Jon asked Sal what changed him about the way he thinks about Howard. Sal said it takes him a long time to get something. Gary cut him off and asked what the specific thing was. Sal said that Howard used to hammer it in his head that he just worked there now and he had to stop being a fan. He said it came about over the years.
Sal said he likes to pick and choose his spots with Howard. He said he's had a good time when he hangs out with Howard outside of the show. He said they had a good time at Jason's wedding. He said he had a good time other times too but maybe not at Artie's birthday party.
Jon asked Sal if he has a song that makes him cry. Sal thought about it but he didn't come up with anything. Sal did cry in the studio when Howard said he was going to retire. Sal said Metallica's song ''The Unforgiven'' makes him cry sometimes. He said the song makes him think about corrupting a soul and making it evil in this world and it makes him sad. He said he was brought up in a way that makes him feel like that. Richard said he cried during Metallica's ''One'' at a concert once. Sal said the book ''The Secret'' says if you envision something it will come true. He said that he used to listen to Howard and want to be on the show and he made that happen. He said he's like the originator of ''The Secret.'' They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how early he was up again this morning. He was up at 3:30 again. He said he went to bed at 9:30. He did the math to figure out how many hours of sleep he got. He did the mouth out loud for Robin and said he got 5 1/2 hours. That's not enough for him. He said he usually gets up at 4:30.
Howard said he's going to California this week so he's been busy filling up his iPad with podcasts, TV shows and other stuff. He said he saw an article this guy wrote about him pushing the Apple products and he's just in love with this stuff. He said he's not getting paid to do it.
Howard said he went on the iTunes store and got more stuff for his iPad. He had several Apple podcasts with tips on how to use their stuff. He has the entire first season of Fringe. He said Ralph suggested that. Howard said they have 22 episodes but he put 6 on his iPad for the trip. He said he also has The Walking Dead which is 6 episodes. He said he won't be carrying a DVD player this time.
Howard said he has some movies too. He has Inception, Megamind, Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer and the entire first season of The Munsters. He said he got so excited for that he was up this morning watching some. He said he may download even more. He said he rented Tron too. Howard said Ralph told him he should see that one on a big screen but he doesn't care so he'll watch it on the iPad. He said he wasn't crazy about the first Tron. Robin said it was pretty rinky dink. She said she saw it again recently.
Howard said the Munsters looks great on the iPad. He said it's a miracle that this thing can hold so much. He said this guy Bob Lefsetz wrote about his excitement about the Apple stuff. Bob points out that he's just excited for this stuff and it's not that he's getting paid. He said his love is genuine. Howard said he's busy with iPhoto and other things on the iPad too. He said he has to meet with Jeff Shick about using the calendar and things like that. He has to figure out what products to use. He has a big meeting with him today about that.
Howard said he writes stuff down and does the calendar thing. He said he wants to convert to electronic but he can't seem to do it. He said he has to write down this stuff that he asks people to do. He needs a scratch pad. This is the stuff he's busy with. Howard said he sits and looks at his computer all day long. Howard said he took a tutorial on how to use iPhoto.
Robin said she's trying to figure out what to do for her vacation too. She doesn't know what to bring with her. Howard said he's in love with his stuff. He said she has to follow him around to see how he uses it. Robin said she's trying to figure out what DVDs to bring with her.
Howard said he was watching The Munsters instead of checking his email this morning. That's how excited he is. Robin said she saw a documentary on Bill Hicks that was really good. Howard said he saw that one already. He said it was kind of sad. Robin said he was a great comedian. Howard said the Comedy Central special about Greg Giraldo was great too. He said the guy seemed like a funny guy and a decent human being.
Howard told Robin about this Munsters episode where Marilyn gets a date with a guy four times. She tells him he has to meet her family and he says that's fine. The guy tells her to invite them to a party his family is having. Herman is excited because Marilyn is never going to get a husband. Howard said Herman ends up winning an award for the costume party. He said they get all insulted when the family doesn't know that they're not dressed up. He said it's stupid but it's brilliant.
Howard said The Munsters were brilliant and there's nothing better on TV. He said it was the best show ever and there's nothing that was better. Robin threw a few shows out there but Howard still thought The Munsters was better. He said there is nothing better.
Howard said he's going to have the whole season on his iPad. He said he has enough room on that thing to keep it all. He said his iPad is ''62 gigs.'' Howard said he's going to be prepared. He's bringing hard copy books with him to read too. He has the Sammy Hagar book (Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock) and some other stuff. Howard said they have magazines on the iPad too with Zinio but he doesn't really use it. He hates reading on the iPad. He said his eyes get tired. He said he also likes this app called Flipboard. He said all of your Facebook and Twitter go through that and it all turns into a magazine. He said it's un-fucking-believable. He told Robin to write that down.
Howard said he bought a case online. He said he finally figured out how to shop online. He got a case for the iPad and put the Howard 100 logo on it. He said he didn't have it with him. He said he carries his book with him but not the iPad. He said he just carries his book and phone with him.
Howard asked Fred if he's into this too. Fred said he's not as into it as Howard is. He said he does understand his obsession with it though. Howard said he has a lot of catching up to do with it all. He said he's new to the Apple stuff.
Robin said that everyone in the elevator had an iPhone the other day. She said they told her that they're additive. Howard said he got a call from Tim Sabean on his phone but he called him back on his iPad. He said then Tim called him back on the phone. He said he was trying to figure out how someone can figure out which device to call on. Howard said he has to fix his hair when he gets video chat calls. He said he feels like he's in Star Trek.
Howard said he has to figure out how to catalog a system in iPhoto. He said he keeps things in folders by year but there are other systems to use and he needs someone to help figure that out. Howard said he doesn't trust himself to do it himself.
Howard said no one has written a book about how to do a system like that. He said he'd like to do it himself but he tries to think and nothing happens. Fred threw in the Curly from the Three Stooges ''I'm trying to think but nothing happens'' clip.
Gary asked about Jeff the Drunk. Howard said Jeff the Drunk is capable of working and Eric the Midget is a compete mess. He said they don't let him handle things so they scare him off. Howard said they should have let him handle the guy. Eric freaks out when you do that. He said he wants to handle it.
Gary said Eric can't fly with balloons for real either. He said they weren't going to let him do that. He said they were just joking around about that. Gary said he didn't give him a hard time about what he would and wouldn't do. All he ever said was that Eric never said thank-you to them. Howard said they should have left him alone. Howard said when he handles things they work. He told Gary he should have left the guy alone.
Howard said he's not looking for Eric to come back but he thinks about this stuff at home. Gary wondered why he was on that subject. Howard said he just thinks about it at home.
Gary told Howard about a Hulk Hogan show where he mentors little people. He said he thinks Eric might like that. Howard said he might like that too.
Robin told Howard about some other shows he would like. She said that he would like Dexter or Breaking Bad. Gary said he thinks that he'd really like that Dexter show. Robin said he has no idea how great the show is. Gary told him to download the first show. Howard said he doesn't roll that way. He said maybe he'll do it when he's done with the rest of the stuff he has on his iPad. Howard said he just wants to watch sci-if. Robin said Breaking Bad is incredible.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said asked what the fuck is wrong with them. He asked why they were saying he can work. Howard said he can work. Howard asked if he was arguing or agreeing with him. Jeff said it's bullshit because he can't work. Robin said it's because he doesn't want to. Jeff said it's not that. Howard said he could work. Jeff said he's grateful too. He said he wanted to thank Howard yesterday for giving him a life. Howard said he likes Jeff the Drunk and doesn't have a problem with him. Howard said this was about Eric the Midget though. Howard told Jeff that he's got something in mind for him but it's not going to happen for a long time so don't call about it.
Howard said he was reading some news stories and this guy killed his beautiful girlfriend. He ended up chopping off her head. Howard said he read another story about Caroline Kennedy and Edward Schlossberg and how some lunatic from the Middle East was stalking the Kennedy's kid Tatiana. He said that this guy is contacting the dad trying to get to the daughter. Howard said that's the way things are done over there. Howard said they say it's not illegal to contact the dad but then you find out the guy isn't all there and there's nothing you can do about it. Howard read through the article where they talk about this nut. Howard wondered why this guy is in our country. He spent 60 days in jail after being charged with stalking. Howard said even if they hired a bunch of security guys this poor girl isn't going to be able to lead a normal life. This creep was still saying he loves Tatiana and he's never even met her.
Howard said he read about the murders they found on the beach there on Long Island. He said it's incredible how many bodies they're finding out there. Howard wondered what's going on with men. Robin said men are angry.
Howard said there's also the Chris Brown story who won't talk about slapping around a woman. Howard said David Arquette is the only normal guy out there. Howard said he's being put through the ringer with his wife and he's getting straightened out with his drinking and all of that. Howard told the guys to bring him in.
Howard said getting through the stopping part is the hardest. He said he just has a few glasses of wine and it's tough to quit. He told David about his liver enzyme test coming out kind of abnormal. He said he had some drinks the night before.
Howard asked David about his drinking and if he really started at 4 like he said on Oprah. David said he tasted it at 4. He said he didn't start drinking for a while. He said he didn't start until he was about 11. Howard said drinking was never part of his scene. His parents didn't really drink around him.
David said he and his friends were going around spray painting stuff and drinking. Howard said he didn't know he was such a degenerate. He heard that he was abused too. David said his mom abused him. She was abused as a kid and she did the same to him. He said that she'd hit him with a stick and stuff like that. It wasn't sexual abuse.
David said his mother eventually became a marriage family counselor. Howard laughed at that. David said that she's not around anymore. He said they died 3 years apart. Howard said David's life can be chronicled by the Scream movies. David said that's right and went over all of them and what happened around each one. Howard said by the fourth one his wife was divorcing him.
Howard said he thinks that Courteney is the one who got itchy for another guy and that's what happened there. Howard said he doesn't believe that she's not with that co-star. David said they have a very honest relationship and it's not like that. Howard said he thinks that she's seeing one of those two guys on her show. David said she's not seeing them. Howard said she had better not be. He said he'll say something if she is.
Howard asked why the guys are on vacation with Courteney and his daughter. David said they're just friends. Howard said he wouldn't let that happen with his wife. He said that's bullshit. He said he would put a stop to it and go out and fuck. David said the guy is a great guy and he's just a friend. David said he went on his own trip and they met up in Disney World and had a good time there.
David told Howard that he went down to Chile to Lollapalooza. He said it was incredible. Howard said he won't leave this country. He said he has no desire to go to Chile.
Howard asked David if he went to that concert and didn't drink. David said he did. He said he danced a lot. Howard said he saw him on Jay Leno and he was dancing on that show. Howard said that guy makes him want to punch him in the face. He said Jay is so condescending and he's acting like he's his best buddy. David said he's trying not to judge people. Robin said that David had to go to Oprah like show business people do. David said she's an amazing person and she gave him a pass so it was all good. Howard said it was a good move to go on that show. Howard said that he showed he's not the one cheating. Howard said Courteney is the one cheating. David said that's just not true.
David said he tried to fuck her but it didn't happen. He said he knows he shouldn't have said that. He said that happened down at Disney. Howard said he must have figured he could seal the deal there. He asked how far he got with her. He said he got to kiss her a little bit. Howard asked if she was like ''Ew, gross.'' David said it felt like they were in 8th grade again. David said he'd like to be to be like Wives with Benefits.
David said that Courteney is a really special person. He said she's trying to figure things out and he's trying to figure things out. David said they have to be happy and compatible and he's kind of intense and so is she. He said they do love each other with all their heart. Howard said if that was true she'd fuck him.
David said she has her boundaries with him and that's just the way things go. Howard said it's like he's trying to date her again. Howard said he saw the pictures of Courteney in a bikini and she's looking good. Howard said he doesn't believe that she's not fucking one of those guys from her show. Howard said that she got ripped and she's ready to date. Howard said maybe he's overstepping his boundaries but maybe Coco shouldn't be exposed to all of these other dudes. David said you can bring that jealousy and anger into that but he's trying to be accepting and understanding. David said that Coco still has a friendship with them and it's cool. He said he doesn't want to bring the kid into the whole thing and use her. Howard said it's weird to have a bunch of guys around. David said they're on the set all the time and they're like a little nuclear family. Howard said it's very L.A. to do that.
Howard asked David if he fucked some people in Chile. David would just say he had a good time down there. He said things are different now. He said he still has this love for his wife. He said he won't let other people in. Howard said she must be worried about him passing alone some STDs or something. Maybe she's worried about confusing him by sleeping with him.
Howard said that Oprah must be thinking about why he didn't tell her about trying to fuck Courteney down at Disney. He asked if he would try to fuck Oprah. David said sure. He said that sounds like fun. He said sex with his significant other was a beautiful thing. He said he'd like to have that kind of commitment again. He said sex is a fun thing to do.
Howard asked David if he had his own room and Courteney had her own room. David said that they did and Coco had the room with her mom. Howard said David has a very mature attitude. He asked how long they were there. David said it was 2 days. Howard asked if there were Paparazzi dudes all over. David said they weren't there and it was pretty amazing. He said if they were at Disneyland then they would have.
Howard said it must be tough to go out in public. He said people must stare and point. David said he has to go down and get breakfast and bring it back to his room. David told Howard what he eats for breakfast like egg whites.
Howard asked David about how he goes on the rides. David said they have someone escort them around. He said they get brought to the front of the line. He said you have to pay for that. David said it's like a couple hundred bucks to get that treatment.
David tried to tell Howard about his head on collision but Howard said ''Never mind that...'' and had him talk about Disney some more. David told Howard about going on the rides and said that they get along fine when they're doing that stuff.
David told Howard about going to rehab and how educational that was for him. Howard asked if he was the biggest name there. David said he can't say who was there. He said that he could be the biggest name depending on how you look at it. He said that there were different types of stars there but he won't talk about who it was or even what they do. David said it's like going to mental boot camp and if you take it seriously then it works for you. He said it was like 3 years of therapy in a month for him.
Howard said it sounds like he was really there to get over drinking. He had to go to group therapy and things like that. Howard asked if he started to cry during the therapy. David said he was crying on the way over to Howard's show. Howard asked if he's afraid of someone from rehab writing a book. David said the whole world is so full of judgment and people have to worry about themselves and not about other people. David said he's still making mistakes and learning. He said he makes mistakes with the wrong women and things like that.
Howard said he's happy for David. He said he looks good and he sounds good. He said he's looking handsome. David said that his bottom was really bad. He said he was at a club dancing around acting like a maniac and he went to do the kick worm and he broke his nose. He said he was so wasted that he slammed his face into the ground. He said he probably should have gone to the doctor about the nose but he didn't bother. Howard blamed the worm dance for his nose too. He said he did it for about a year to make it look like that.
Howard said he had to take a break and talk more about Disney World. He said he had to talk about the Courteney thing some more too. He spent a little more time asking David about the Beacher's Madhouse thing and if he's still involved in that. David said he is back with that and it's at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel.
Howard said he thought David was wasted on the Tonight Show but he knows he's not drinking. David said people say that all the time. He doesn't do drugs and he's not drinking though. Howard said he can tell just by looking at him he's not drinking.
Howard asked David about how he made his move on Courteney at Disney. He asked if it was at night. David said it was actually during the day. He said they were talking while Coco was away with her cousins. Howard asked if he was trying to look sexy. David said he's been trying to look sexy for a while now. David said that he ended up grabbing her breasts and it was crazy. He said that he took a picture with her and Neve Campbell when he did that. Howard said she doesn't seem to be his type. David said she's gorgeous and an amazing chick.
Howard asked if he saw scream 4. He said he did and it's amazing. David said the movie is great and it's got an incredible beginning. He said it's good like the first one was.
Howard asked David about trying to get it going with Courteney and told him to play it out with Robin. Robin didn't want to do that. She told Howard to work it out with Howard instead. She said that Howard looks more like Courteney than she does. Howard told David to come over and work it out with him. Howard went over to him and told him to show how it went. David told him how he did it but he wasn't playing it out.
David said there's a lot of gay energy in there. He said with George Takei in there and Benjy making out with him and stuff like that there's a lot of gay energy. Howard said he had his legs spread for David and he didn't do anything.
David said he wishes that he was still together with Courteney. He said they're very incompatible and they're different people. He said he can put up with stuff and Courteney just wants calm and to be happy. He said he is a lot calmer but he's busy as shit. He said that might make her nuts.
Howard said Courteney isn't going to be any happier with anyone else. David is in therapy a couple of times a week but Howard said he doesn't get that. He said that he's in therapy 3 days a week. Howard said he's been with this guy for 15 years. David said that he thinks he should find another therapist. He said he shouldn't be doing 3 days a week 15 years later.
Howard asked David if he thinks that Courteney has whipped her body into shape lately. David said she's always been in good shape but she does look incredible now. Robin said David has brought his looks to a new level too. Howard said life is short so what's the difference? David said he's all about being happy and having fun. He said he'd like to have more fun with Courteney but he's not sure she'd want to do the things he wants to do.
Howard said he wishes that he'd bang Jennifer Aniston. He said he likes revenge so that would be great. Robin said that Howard is going to California and Jimmy is throwing another party so who do they invite. Howard said that they invite Courteney of course. He was joking. He said that David is his guy so he'll be invited. Howard said when he leaves then he'll get Courteney.
Howard asked when he's going to Los Angeles. David said he's going back on Friday but the party will be over by then. David said he's going to rearrange his schedule so he can be at that party. Howard said he's got some songs lined up for the karaoke thing they're doing. David said he'll do a number with Howard. Howard said maybe he can just get up there and cry.
Howard said he had to take a break. David said he can just let him sit there. He doesn't need any attention.
Howard asked how he flew in. David said he flew in on American Airlines but he didn't see anyone famous. Howard said he can't believe that Courteney wouldn't make out with him. David said it was the mature thing to do. Howard wondered if she called Jennifer Aniston and told her about what he did. He said they probably bad mouth him. David said she's really not like that. Howard said all women are like that.
Howard asked David about the rehab center he was in and if they had a pool and a steam room and all of that. David said they did have stuff like that. He said there are guys like Sal walking around looking at your cock in the steam room. He said he had a guy with a hard on looking at him in a steam room in a gym a long time ago. He said he grew up in Hollywood so he's seen stuff like that. He had a guy come up to him jerking off when he was selling maps.
Howard asked what's hard to get over in rehab. David said getting over your shit is the tough thing. Howard asked if there were chicks in there. David said there were. Howard said he must get horny. He said of course you do. Howard said they must have rules about fucking chicks. David said you have to be careful about stuff like that.
Howard asked if he was attracted to anyone in rehab. David said there were attractive people there. Howard asked if he was in touch with any girls from rehab. David said he knows girls who are from rehab who are his friends. Howard asked if he made out with any of them. David said he's not telling him anything. Howard asked where he could go to get fucked in rehab. David said he didn't know. He said you have to watch your ass though.
Howard asked David if he saw the interview Courteney did where she said there was no way he was going to do Howard Stern again. David said they misquote a lot of stuff. Howard wondered who she's going to end up with and who David is going to end up with. Howard asked who he's attracted to. David said he's in no condition to be in a relationship right now. Howard asked who the next big girl is. Howard asked if he would go out with Halle Berry. David said she's not too old for him. Howard told him that maybe he should go out with Chaz Bono. He said he was trying to come up with someone.
Fred suggested Madonna's daughter. David said she's way too young. He said he would bang Madonna like crazy. Howard said he can't be serious about that. Howard said maybe Mila Kunis. David said he's met her and she's nice but no. Scarlett Johansson's name came up too. Howard said he bets that Courteney is going to end up in a relationship with one of her co-stars. Howard said maybe he'll end up back with her. David said maybe if it's meant to be.
Howard said he really had to take a break. He mentioned Tatiana Schlossberg. Robin told him that was a bad idea. Howard told David to sit back and relax and they'll have Will the Farter in later. He said he has some new thing he's up to. Howard said that should cheer David up. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and gave David some plugs for the ''Scream 4'' movie. Howard said he's been out promoting like crazy.
Howard said he heard that Will the Farter had shit his pants on the way there so he had to throw them out. Howard said this guy is something else.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that they might want to talk to Chris Rock again. They've unearthed the Chris Rock first pitch tape that has been MIA until now. The Howard TV guys showed that clip.
Howard said he saw some video of David dancing like a crazy man at Lollapalooza. The guys had some tape of that too.
Steve said that Debbie the Pet Lady called the cops on Ass Napkin Ed and some of that made it on the air on her internet show. Steve said that the cops told her that Howard Stern is naughty and dirty so she shouldn't be surprised. Howard said the whole report about that was very good. He said you have to follow the news and you can do that by following their Tweets on Twitter.com.
Steve said that Pat Cooper wrote some stuff in the lobby about Howard being a liar and that has been removed after a month and a half.
Howard had a new song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man about JD's tongue growth. Howard played the song and got laughs from Robin immediately as Dan played clips of JD making grunts and laughing. He had JD talking about this growth under his tongue to the tune of the Rolling Stones ''Under My Thumb.'' Howard went to break after that.
Ham Hands Bill called in and told David he should carry some of Courteney's soiled panties and sniff them when he wants to. Howard said that sound ridiculous to him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said ''Duh, Winning..'' which Howard thinks is over. The guy joked about why Courteney didn't bang David. He said they already have the ''It's a Small World'' ride there. David faked some laughs for the guy.
Howard had the guys bring in Will the Farter. Will had shit his pants on the way over there. Howard asked how that happened. Will said he was laying in his seat on the way over and he farted out a big bubble of shit. He said his friend was disgusted by the whole thing. He said he took them off on the way there and said that his farts are horrible today. Howard said his ass must be smelly today. Will said that he cleaned it up.
Howard said he learned that Will has been hired to be a spokesperson for a product. It's called BluCigs.com. Will pulled out a piece of paper to read what he had to say about it. He said that he bought this e-cigarette for his mother. He said it's a good alternative to quit smoking.
Howard cut him off and asked about his mother. He said he heard that Will was in Atlantic City with his mother. Howard said Will is married so he must live with his wife. Will said he does not. He said he found a townhouse to move into but his wife works in Virginia and hasn't found a house up there yet. He said he's been living apart from her for about a year and a half. Howard said he has two roommates. Will said he sees his wife 2-3 times a week though.
Howard asked about his mom standing there with his roommate with his shirt off. Will said he was nude except for bikini briefs. Will said he told his mom he was leaving and he came back and saw his 44 year old roommate with his mom on her knees with wadded up toilet paper. Will said his mom told him that the roommate had paid her to do something for him. He said he still doesn't know what she did. He said she told him it was for a ''massage.'' Will said he doesn't want to know what happened. Howard said he'd what to know if his roommate was fucking his mom. Howard said the 44 year old should be getting paid by the 73 year old.
Howard asked if they could call his mom. Will said that's fine. She lives with him at the townhouse. David said he basically just admitted his mom is a whore. David sounded like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
Howard said Will makes a majority of his money by playing this Brutal Master on the internet. He asked what it means that he has a guy who he has to blackmail. Will said it's a fantasy thing where this guy wants him to call him names and blackmail him. Howard played a gay guy on the phone and Will went through what he does with the guy. Will said he'll hold stuff against him and drop the hammer on him if he doesn't do what he says.
Will told Howard that guys love that kind of stuff. He said that his business is up and down like crazy so he can make a couple thousand one month and just a couple hundred the next. He's on a down cycle right now.
Howard asked Will about all of that stuff and said that he's also endorsing this electronic cigarette. He asked if he's getting money to plug it today or is it a regular thing. He said he's endorsing it because he got his mom to stop smoking. He said he's plugging it and they're paying him a couple hundred bucks or something like that. Howard asked if he'll smoke one through his asshole today. Will was up for that but Howard said he didn't want him to lose the endorsement deal.
Howard asked what he was planning on doing today. Will has a Pinwheel he was going to make spin and he had a horn he was going to make noise with. Howard had Will strip down and do his thing. David had never seen this before in person.
Will took off his shirt and pants and covered up his junk with his shirt. Will got in position and David asked if he could go in Robin's booth. Robin said no. She said this is his punishment. Will blasted off a couple of farts and used something to direct the blast. Will was blaming Will Murray for not aiming it right. Will blasted some more farts and the pinwheel started turning. His farts sounded really wet. Howard said it was moving. He laughed as Will continued to fart.
Howard said it did move a little but what happened there. Will said he need it to be in a different position. Will Murray was holding it and said it was just another one of his lame tricks. David said it was the worst thing ever.
Howard said it stinks in there. Will said he'll make up for it all with the horn he has. He put the attachment on and Will Murray said he hates when he comes in. Will the Farter sucked in some air and blew out another fart to make the horn sound. It was mostly fart sound but you could kind of hear the horn sound. Will Murray said he dry heaved during that.
Howard asked Gary if he heard from Will's mom. Gary said the phone just rings and rings. Will said that she should be there.
Howard asked how his app is selling. Will said it did okay but it's not there anymore. He said he sold a few and got a few bucks off of it. Howard gave Will some plugs for that BluCigs.com and for Xtube.com site where he does stuff for the gay guys.
Howard wrapped up and played a bit the guys made with Howard and Will doing the ''Brutal Master'' thing. Howard asked if he's embarrassed he does this stuff with gay guys. Will said it bothered him in the beginning but not anymore. He said he's on call 24/7 now.
Howard asked if he has to take calls while he's out at a restaurant. He said he does. He said that they can last 10 minute or maybe 2-3 hours. Howard said he sounds kind of lame doing it though so how does that work. Will said that he has one guy who wants to live in his shoe. He said he makes fun of him for that. Howard tried doing the phone thing again and pretended he was falling asleep with that monotone voice of his. Howard played the gay guy and Will did his Brutal Master thing. Howard told Will to put his mother on the phone instead.
Howard was about to wrap up but Will wanted to get in another plug for the BluCigs thing. Howard let him get the plug in but told him to fart during the plug. Will read the plug but it was another boring thing he was doing so Howard kept interrupting. He became a gay guy who wanted to live in his shoe and said he'd rather live in David Arquette's shoe.
Howard told Will to fart after every sentence. Will did that. He read the plug and farted after a few words. Will made the plug last a long time with all of those farts. He also got in a plug for Xtube too.
Howard said the smell was awful. Will said he may have shit himself once again. Howard said he shit on the floor once too. Will said that wasn't him, that was another guy. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked to David about Cypress Hill for a minute. David said they're incredible in concert. Howard said the lead singer used to fuck Carmen Electra. David said he grew up in Los Angeles so he knew them way back. Howard said it seems like everyone in Los Angeles knew everyone else. David said he smoked with him in Chicago once. He said that stuff was incredible. Howard asked how the perform when they're that high. David said they're super pros.
Howard said another good girl for David would be Kate Hudson. David said no. He said he knows her but she's just a friend. Howard said she's his friend too but he's sleep with her. Howard asked about Anne Hathaway. David said she's talented. Howard said maybe he'll invite her to Jimmy's party. Howard mentioned Eva Mendez too. David said he's really not into meeting anyone right now. Howard said he'll invite any of these people to the party.
Howard asked about Rihanna. David said she's beautiful but she seems younger. Howard said as a goof he was going t set him up with Amy Winehouse to see how long he'd stay sober. Howard said he can get Anne Hathaway there. He kept calling her ''Annie'' for some reason. Howard said maybe Selma Gomes. David didn't know who that was.
Wolfie asked one guy about the Jews and if they're trouble makers. The guy said that God will take care of them. Howard said his fans are a hell of a lot more intelligent. They're into farting.
Howard played another interview where a woman talked about what a lousy President Obama is. This woman said that Obama could be a Muslim. She said she has used the N-word at times too but only when it's fitting... like when she sees a guy who raped and killed someone.
Howard played another clip where Wolfie asked a guy about Obama and the guy says he doesn't think that Obama is a citizen. He said that he's never seen his birth certificate. The guy was also saying that there shouldn't be any gays allowed in the military and there were none when he was in as far as he knows.
In another clip a woman was talking about how Glenn Beck helps her put the pieces of her life together. She said that he even helps her when she goes to the grocery store.
Wolfie asked a guy why he likes Glenn Beck and who he'd compare him to. The guy compared him to Samuel Adams. The guy said that Glenn Beck has taught him more about the constitution than he could imagine. Howard said he really has his fans. They're going to be really upset when he's not on the air anymore.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how great Beck is. Howard said all he sees is a guy who is against planned parenthood. He said that's just not right.
Howard and David talked about how nutty these people are. They talked about how they're raising kids too. Howard played another clip where a guy was talking about Beck waking up the nation about many things. That guy was also saying that Obama is too radical for our nation. He was also saying that he has friends who are black so he's not sure why they're being labeled as racist.
Wolfie asked a guy about what he thinks about gay marriage. The guy said he doesn't think it's proper, right or moral. He was comparing Beck to Lincoln and Washington.
Howard played another one where Wolfie asked a guy if he thinks that Obama is Muslim and he says he's seen tape of him saying he is. Howard said that these people believe that he's not a citizen, he's Muslim and he's out to get us.
Howard asked what the guy has to do to prove that he's a citizen of the United States. Robin said they never ask anyone else to show their birth certificate. She's not sure why they ask to see Obama's.
Howard asked David what the plot of this movie is. David said it's a 1000 pond man who is stuck in his bed and he has to save his sister. He said this is all in 3D. Howard asked if he's glued to his bed. David said that it's kind of inspired by people like that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Courtney said that there was no way in hell David would go on Howard's show. She said they have to set him up on a date. Maybe after vacation. Howard said if he wants it he'll make it happen. Howard said that Fred found his wife on the show. Fred said he's known her for 24 years now. He's been married since 94.
Howard hung up on Mariann when she started to sing. Hanzi called in so Howard got him on but he was just waking up. Hanzi asked Howard why Charlie Sheen gets a pass and Chris Brown doesn't. He said that he's done a lot of stuff to women and he gets a pass. Howard said he's glad he brought up Charlie Sheen. He said he'd like to know what he does at those shows he does. He said Hanzi is right about Charlie and how he gets away with hurting women.
Hanzi said that Chris Brown did a bad thing but he's young and he's kind of realizing his mistakes. He said Ozzy Osbourne has done things too and you have to wonder if he's a bad guy too. Howard said it is weird that people are so against Chris Brown. Howard said he saw a picture of Brown and his cock is longer than his arm. He said he read some comments on the internet and women were saying he had a pencil dick. Howard said he'd be so impressive if he could whip something like that out.
Howard suggested Renee Zellwegger and Denise Richards for David to date. David said he knows Renee and she's great but he's not going to do that. Howard said Jessica Biel just broke up with Justin Timberlake. Maybe he should date her. David said he'd have to see how they get along. Howard said he can have Jimmy invite her to the party. David said he's not looking for a date. Howard asked if he's bringing a date to the party. David said he doesn't know. Howard said he just sits and eats at the party. David said they had a great time at the last one. Howard said he had to drink to get there though.
Hanzi asked to be part of the next IQ test. Howard ignored him and kept asking about more women. He suggested Lisa Kudrow. Howard said maybe Jenny McCarthy. He said she cured autism. Howard said he's just trying to help out. Howard told him it's time to move on and forget about Courteney. Howard suggested Sarah Silverman.
David said at the end of Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing he sings ''It's okay if I masturbate'' as it's fading out. Howard told Fred to find the song and play it. Fred found the song and played it from the 3 minute mark.
Howard took a call from Beetlejuice who wanted to talk to David. Beet said hi to David and said that Dominic was sucking on Courteney's dick. He meant to say pussy. Howard asked if he was fucking her. Beet said that it was Dominic, not him. Howard said that makes David feel real good. Beet also said he had a plug for his gig. He had someone there telling him where it was. Beet said the gig was in Ohio. Howard had the plug so he read that. Howard said you can follow him on Twitter @beetlepimp. Howard said that was Bobby Rooney behind Beet.
Jon got back to his rundown and read the subjects for today's show. Howard interrupted again and asked David about going on Oprah's show and if he sees her back stage. David said she's a great person and he did see her back stage. He said that people take this stuff out of context and he doesn't want the world reacting to that. David said Oprah was very gracious and she was super cool. Howard said he should meet with people after the interview too and give them inspirational speeches. He said there's no way he's going to do that.
Howard asked David how much face time he got with her. David said it was a few minutes. Howard asked if he asked her about getting it on with Gayle King. David said that's not cool. Howard asked what she said to him. David said she asked him what he wanted to tell the people and things like that. Howard said she didn't take his side and call Courteney a cunt or anything. David said she didn't do that. Howard said it really must be over with him and Courteney. He said it would have been cool if he had been able to slip a finger in. David said he's going to get in trouble for this stuff. Howard said he had a great time with David and Courteney that night he hung out with them. Howard said he felt that she was hitting on him that night. Howard said maybe he could get her. David said he'll invite her to the party. Howard said he bets he could get farther than David did with her.
Howard said David must have a fantasy girl. David said he really doesn't. He thought about it for a little while and said that there's a new girl by the name of Jesse J or something. He said she was on Saturday Night Live and he thinks that she's an amazing talent. Howard said he'll get her to the party. Robin said she saw her on SNL. Howard told Jimmy to get her to the party. He clapped his hands, told Jimmy to get her there, and said that should happen. David said she must be like 20 and that's too young for him. Howard said she's actually 23. Howard had Jon finish up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Howard said he got a note about that Jesse J saying that she's openly bi-sexual. Howard said it could be just gossip though. Howard said it would be fun if she was into Courteney and she picked her up. Howard said she looks like a handful though. Howard said David is a better man than he is. Howard said David looks like he's in love with her. Howard said she looks like a slutted out Courteney Cox.
David asked Howard if he would do a remote broadcast from L.A. Howard said no way. Howard said Jesse J is on Jimmy Kimmel next week. He said that's a done deal for David. David didn't seem so happy about that. David said he has social anxiety now. Howard said he's going to marry her and become Jesse J Cox Arquette. Howard told him to work that before Stamos gets her.
Howard had a woman on the phone who wanted to be David's girlfriend. It was Rachel Butera doing her Underdog Lady impression. Howard asked if he would go out with her. David said of course he would. She said that he'd have to lift her gunt to get his penis in her. David said that she's not the real Underdog. Howard asked her about being a proper church going woman. Howard said it was actually Rachel Butera the winner of the impression contest. He let her go and had Robin get to some news. Fred played her in again with her Guatemalan theme and some Debbie the Pet lady ''Robin! Robin!'' clips.
Robin read a story about Benicio Del Toro knocking up Kimberly Stewart. Robin also had some news about Pia Toscano.
Robin read about how the French have decided to ban the Birka. Robin said they have a lot of Muslim people living over there and they can't identify people with those things on. Howard said he'd approve of them in this country for faces like his own.
Robin said that Foo Fighters new album got a good review. Chris Rock's new play isn't getting good reviews. They say he's a lightweight. Howard said that's going to kill him. He said that's going to fuck his head up if he reads that review. Howard asked David if he's worried about the reviews of Scream 4. David said he's not worried.
Howard told David that Jesse J is in New York city as of 14 hours ago. He also read that she co-wrote Miley Cyrus' ''Party in the USA'' song. Robin said that's a demerit then. Howard said it would be great if David nailed this chick. He played some of her music. Howard said his daughter would love her. He said the new mommy would be so much fun. David begged him to stop it. He said that's not good.
Robin read that Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne are in tax trouble. They own $1.6 million in back taxes. Howard said he read that Kelly owes money too. Robin said they're going to have to get that straightened out.
Robin read about Dennis Quaid talking about his struggles with cocaine. They used to have a budget for his coke in movies in the past. Howard asked David if he did that stuff. David said he has done it in the past but he's not doing that stuff now. He likes being grounded and present now. Robin said that Dennis won't talk about his brother and just says he loves him very much when asked about him. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Robin got back to her news and read about a principal at a school in Chicago banning home lunches and saying it's more nutritious to eat school lunches. Robin said she'd like to see what kind of food they're serving there. She said she may look into that further.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what Howard didn't mention earlier about Jesse J on Jimmy Kimmel is that Courteney Cox is going to be on the same show. David said that's the problem with dating famous people. Howard said they just had someone for David and Courteney had better not bad mouth him to her. David said she's really not like that.
Robin read about a new comic book character they're going to call Marijuana Man. Robin read about how Ziggy Marley came up with this with a comic book artist. Howard didn't like the sound of that.
Robin had Fred play the song ''Lemonade'' by Gucci Mane. She said that he was arrested for allegedly pushing a woman out of his car after she turned him down for sex. Robin said that she was apparently pushed out as it was in motion.
Howard asked Gary where the Willie Nelson's daughter's song was. Gary didn't have a note about it. Howard said Scott got it. Gary didn't know about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jesse J is playing on the Today show this morning. Howard said David should go down there and jerk off out in front of the show. He said he can press up against the glass and impress her that way. Howard had Fred play some of Jesse's music. He played ''Do it Like a Dude.'' David said there's another song he liked. Howard said David needs her. He said he could dance at her concert.
Gary came in and said that they read that she doesn't drink so that's good news. Howard said maybe she can drink some Arquette juice.
Robin read about the Winkelvoss brothers and how the court threw out their case where they were trying to sue for more money from Facebook.
Robin said she read a story about people who sit most of the day risk heart attacks even if they exercise. Howard said he's in trouble then. He said he exercises for one hour and he sits the rest of the day. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about another human skull being found on the beach in Long Island. Robin said they found the skull in some harsh terrain and had some audio of an official talking about that. David laughed when he heard the guy's voice. Howard said this is pretty scary. He said guys are going berserk. He saw this one guy who cut off his girlfriend's head and another one who killed his girlfriend in front of their kids. It's crazy out there.
Robin read about how Carl Lewis wants to get into politics. He has announced he's running for New Jersey State Senate. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about how bankers around the area will be teaching people how to save money. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that and how they want to teach kids to save.
Robin read about Dancing with the Stars and how Kirstie Alley had another drop on last night's show. Howard said he's not surprised. He said she's a big gal. David said he figured she blew out a labia when she lifted a leg. Robin said they said that she had a dancing first. Her shoes apparently came off during the dance. Howard said Kirstie is nutty. She doesn't make much sense when she's talking back stage. Howard asked if she's a Scientologist. Robin said she is. Howard said she seems a bit disjointed in her conversations. Howard said that Kirstie can move pretty good for a 60 year old of that weight. He said she really should try to calm down with the food though. He said she must be consuming a lot. He said she's dancing and burning that stuff off so she must be eating while she's dancing. Howard said his metabolism is slow but when he stopped eating he lost weight. Howard said he has to lose 9 pounds before he gets to L.A. He can't sit next to the pool like that. Howard said his belly was sticking out last night and he told Beth he was going to take care of that.
Robin read about Toni Braxton doing a new TV series called Braxton Family Values. Howard said that should be good because she's pretty nutty.
Robin read about the new Kardashian show that just debuted and said that it got very good ratings.
Robin had some news about Anne Hathaway's new movie and had some audio of her talking about that. Howard cut it off and told David not to go out with her. He said he can't sit there listening to her rattle on and on about her projects. David said he does those interviews and he thinks about how he sounds like those people Howard cuts off. Fred played the Grandpa Al Lewis ''Bla, bla, bla...'' clip for Anne as she rambled a little too much.
Robin had some audio of Hayden Panitierre talking about Scream 4. Howard asked David if he did any scenes with her. He said they do have some cool scenes together. They threw her a 21st birthday party while they were shooting the movie.
Robin had some audio of Evan Rachel Wood talking about the new Robert Redford movie. Howard didn't like the plot that Robin told him about that movie. Howard said it sounded like a waste of time.
Robin had some audio of another woman talking about the movie Burlesque. Howard wanted nothing to do with that. That led to David talking about how he has a Charlie Weaver tattoo on his arm. Charlie is his grandfather. Howard said that's still weird to have on your arm. He said he sees why Courteney left him now. Howard said he loved his grandfather. He loved watching the guy. Howard said that's the greatest that he was his grandfather.
Robin read about Holly Madison and how she won't be at the June 18th wedding for Hugh Hefner. Robin said that they say that some of Hef's previous girlfriend have been invited. Robin said that Hef has been in the audience for Kendra on Dancing with the Stars. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
Benjy said they could have gone a whole different direction with him and make him the biggest thing in the world and celebrate him. Jon said that he's been celebrated quite a bit and they have tried to do that. Gary showed up but left the studio within seconds of getting there. Benjy said he was confused.
Gary came back and said he felt it was unfair of Howard to pick on him. He said that Eric is ungrateful and he's pointed that out. He said Howard has done that too. Gary said that they've all done it. Gary said Howard was specific with him this morning and he has never said anything to him off the air about backing off. Jon asked where he thinks it came from. Gary said he doesn't know but some of the guys think it was Ralph. Jon said he had put that out there already. Gary said they give Jeff the Drunk shit too and he's not sure why Eric is different.
Jon talked about the Disney World story and he wondered what's going on with them. Gary said they're getting divorced and it's a process. Some people just say they're done and it's over but some go through the process like they are.
Jon said Howard is all fired up for this party that Jimmy Kimmel is throwing. He brought up the fact that Howard wants to find a date for David for the party. He asked Gary what he thinks the party will be like. Gary said he'd love to be there and he hopes it lives up to the hype since the last one was so great.
Benjy asked if they're going to try and get Jesse J on the show this week. Gary said he hasn't spoken to Howard about it yet. He didn't even know she was in the city. Gary said he'll look into it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Langford is getting off the hook on the Eric thing. Gary said Howard did blame the news too. He isn't letting them off the hook. Benjy said that Howard is just speculating and he has to take some of the responsibility too. Howard could have put his foot down. Gary said Howard beat Eric up on the IQ thing. He said that they've all given him a hard time.
Jon asked Gary if he's missing Eric at all. Gary said he does miss him a little bit. He said he was calling a lot but now that he's gone he does miss the calls. He said the show goes on though so it's not a great loss.
Another caller said he thinks that everything that Eric has done he's done to himself. He got all of that crap himself and if he can't take it then too bad for him. The caller didn't even hear that segment of the show though.
Gary said Eric is very hard to keep happy. He said he told a story about Eric calling him years ago asking to go see the American Idol show in Sacramento. He said he knew the Malouf brothers so he worked on that for a few days. Eric left him the nastiest message ever when he didn't call him back fast enough. He said Eric got very hostile with him and he was doing him a favor and just didn't get back to him fast enough. He said he had the tickets but Eric was pissed at him.
Shuli came in and said that he they're not to blame for this. He said that the only air time Eric has had on the show lately is with the news. He said he'll call Eric on his off time and talk to him. He said he's a fan of Eric's on the show and he'd tell him that he can't let the fans win by leaving the show. He said he has to stay on the show and give them a big fuck you back.
Gary said that Ralph has the ability to not care that so many people hate him. Shuli said Eric doesn't have that and he wants everyone to love him. Shuli said he thinks that Johnny Fratto might want to not tell Eric not to call the news. Shuli said that Eric always ends up going back to Johnny too. He says he's looking for new management but he always goes back. They went to break after that.
Ralph called in and said he wanted to correct some stuff from yesterday. He said he wasn't clamoring to go to Richard's wedding. He said that it's fine that he's not invited. Richard said he doesn't care if he's not invited. He also said that the pictures he has in his apartment are style pictures that he takes out of magazines and stuff. He said that Jon was feeding into all of that even though he saw it himself.
Ralph said he didn't goof on Gary for collecting animation art. Gary said he did a couple of times. Ralph said he never did and Gary must have created that in his own mind. Ralph also said that Jon has like 50 bobble heads and a bunch of action figures on his desk there. Jon said he didn't purchase one of those things. He said they were just sent to him.
Jon and Ralph talked about Howard's iPad and how he helped Howard pick out the stuff. Gary said he should tell him to check out Dexter since he's such a fan. Ralph said that is a good one. He said it's been good from season one.
Jon asked Ralph if he planted that idea about Eric the Midget in Howard's head. Ralph said he didn't create it but Eric did come up in the Fringe discussion. He said he didn't say anything about Gary in that conversation. He said that it was the audience that bummed Eric out. Ralph said he has told Eric not to read all of that stuff on Twitter and Facebook. He said people ruined it for him and it got to him.
Gary asked if people shouldn't talk about the way they feel. Ralph said some people just go along with the crowd and say what other people are saying. He said that they don't have to all say he's ungrateful.
Will came in and said that they offered Eric the world and he was obnoxious about it. Benjy defended him and said he wasn't obnoxious. Gary said they would ask Eric if they did all of this stuff for him and he was never happy. They couldn't do enough for him.
Jon said that there's no bigger fan than Eric the midget than Will and even he thinks he was being ungrateful. Benjy said he thinks he was pigeon holed over all of that and Eric has some issues with his voice so he can't show emotion very well. Gary said that Eric was never appreciative to them. Ralph said he's very entertaining though. Will said that it was Eric who made the decision not to come back. Ronnie agreed and said he left the show and it was his idea to leave.
Ralph said he didn't tell Howard it was Gary's fault. He said he just told Howard that it was the audience that bummed the guy out. He said some people can turn it off but Eric cant. Ronnie said he should know the show if he's a fan. Everyone gets their balls busted.
The guys were going back and forth arguing about whether or not they should have treated Eric the way they did. Will said there were a lot of times where Eric would distance himself from the show but they were getting him jobs on Fringe and stuff like that.
Benjy asked what Eric did wrong with Fringe. Gary said they got him the gig and he didn't want to let them follow him with cameras. Benjy said maybe he didn't want to be followed. Gary said the more they gave him the more he wanted. That's basically what it was.
Benjy said that Eric didn't want Langford there because of things that he had done to him in the past. Gary said there is a give and take there. He said Eric doesn't get acting gigs without the show. He said the guy hasn't had an acting gig since he left the show. Gary said he gets really angry about this and he's not sure why. Jon understood it and he gets it. Ralph said he's like the real Bubble Boy from Seinfeld. He did his impression of that character before Jon let him go.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he agrees with David Arquette about telling Howard to find a new therapist. He said that the guy should be trying to get him out of therapy, not making him go more often. He said Howard is paying for the guy's vacation house by going to him so long. Gary said if he felt it was going nowhere then he'd stop going. Jon said Howard is getting something out of it. The caller said he thinks Howard feels compelled to go to therapy. He doesn't think he's going through to the next level though. The caller said that he thinks therapy is good but this guy doesn't seem to be helping Howard in a timely manner. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he tried calling the mother but the phone just rang and rang. He said he must be the only guy without an answering machine. Will said that the smell was really bad today too. He said he's sick of it and he knows he has to be in the trenches with him. Will said that it was disgusting.
David Arquette came in so Gary asked if he got any of that odor. David said he didn't smell anything but it was disgusting to see him curl up in those positions he gets into. Gary said that the positions are strange and he does the interviews in those positions. Will said he's not sure why these companies attach themselves to him like that.
David said he loves coming in and being part of this madness. Jon asked him about trying to get Robin to come over and volunteer to reenact that Disney World thing. David said it was really weird when Howard came over to him like that. Benjy was saying earlier that Howard doesn't usually do that with guests.
Jon said Howard is really trying to hook David up with someone. Gary asked if Jesse J is into him then would he be okay with her coming on the show. David said if she's into him he'd be fine with that. He said he doesn't like rejection so he'd be okay with that. He said he's definitely single right now too.
Gary asked David if Courteney would come on the show. David said that her people are very guarded about it and she would probably come in if it was up to her. David said that the tabloids lie about the truth so you have to be careful with what you say. He said that the tabloids just twist the stories and use them in the moment.
David said he probably screwed himself by joking about the Oprah thing this morning. He said that they're going to twist his words around and make it look bad. He said Oprah's people don't like that kind of thing. David said he just wants to be true to himself and just have fun. Benjy said it would be funny if she thought he was for real and she came on to him wanting him to fuck her.
Gary asked if he's told not to talk about some stuff. David said a lot of people are dicks about him going on the show and they don't ''get it.'' Gary said he knows what he's talking about. He said he knows that David loves coming in there and he's having the best time. David said he totally does. He said he loves seeing it all happening and he has a blast doing it. Jon said that he'll be there all week. He had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about David Arquette sitting in this morning. Howard said he may go into broadcasting some day after doing his time there. Robin said maybe he's the guy who can replace Howard in 5 years. David told him ''Groom me!''
Howard asked how David was doing. David said he was doing good and he was out at a Screen 4 screening with 50 Cent. Howard asked if he was tired after doing the show. David said he was and he went to the hotel and slept for a while. He was out until 1 last night at the screening. Howard asked how he hooked up with 50 Cent. David said he held the screening and he went over there and showed up. He has some projects with the Weinsteins so they set 50 up with the screening. David said that gives him street cred.
Howard asked what he did. David told Howard they introduced each other and then went to the after party. Howard asked if he was tempted to drink. David said he wasn't.
Howard said he wants to have fun so he might have to switch to pot or something. He said that he can't just drink one or two a week. He said that he wants to get buzzed if he drinks.
Howard said he can't believe his luck. He didn't even go to rehab and he's got to stop. He said he'd like to switch livers with David.
Howard said David is so hard core that he broke his nose while he was drunk. Howard said he didn't break his nose, it just looks like he did. Howard said this all flipped him out but he'll deal with it somehow. Howard said it seems silly to him. Robin said she's going to talk to Howard after the show. Howard told her to call him.
Howard said he asked Rosie if she's into Maria. Rosie thinks that she's too young. Howard wanted to set her up with him. Robin said she heard that Rosie was hot for Jared when she saw him at the elevator. Howard said if he can convert Rosie then he is fucking hot. Robin said that shows just how handsome he is. Howard said maybe she thought he was a chick. Robin said he is beautiful.
Howard said he went on Rosie's show and then Robin came in. Robin said that's another Tim Sabean fiasco. Howard said he has to stop fucking with people. Howard said the guy is an ass. Robin said she has to stop listening to Tim. She said he's a disaster at everything but running the channels. Robin said she was leaving when Tim told her to come do Rosie's show. She asked if they really wanted her. She said he told her to get in there. Robin said she's never going anywhere with him again.
Howard said Tim has this weird move where he tells Robin to go places. He had her go back stage at Paul McCartney's concert. He said he took them back there and just left them there. Howard said Paul was in a mood that night and Robin was already in that weird position and she didn't want to bother the guy. Robin said everyone was going berserk back there.
Howard said he was on Rosie's show and he saw Robin come in. He said he thought that Shirley McClain was on next. Robin said she got to watch Shirley being interviewed. Howard said he found out this morning that it was Tim who dragged Robin in there.
Robin said Tim told her that he was just trying to get her into the mix so she can get her own show on OWN. Tim came in and said that Rosie's producer asked if Robin could come in. That's why he brought her in. Howard told Tim he doesn't need to be in there. He told him to stay and work on their channels. Tim said he came in to fix Howard's mic. Howard told him to just leave Robin alone. Tim said the producer asked him to get Robin. Howard told him to let the producer do it then.
Robin said that Shirley must have been confused by the whole thing. She said she didn't want to throw her off so she just ended up being the audience. Howard said he tuned in to hear Robin on Rosie's show and he heard Shirley. Tim said he got sucked into this vortex like at the Paul McCartney concert. Howard told Tim to leave Robin alone and told Robin to stay away from Tim. Robin said she's going to do that.
David Arquette said he was in Miami doing press for the movie and he was at this club he was invited to. He said there was a little event for a magazine or something and a photographer came up to him and asked if he wanted to take a picture with some chick in another movie. He said he got walked over and the publicist said no when the photographer asked if they could do it. Howard said you have to say no. He said they set you up for rejection. He said some asshole publicist is going to say no to you.
Howard said he gets offered work and he got a network TV deal offer once. He said he was offered the chance to take over for Barbara Walters for an Oscar special. He said it was intriguing to him. He said they talked money and all of that. Then at the end of it they said they had to check with the academy to see if it was okay with them. Howard said he told them that he's never going to be in front of the Academy of the Academy Awards. He said he's not going to let them pass judgment on him. Howard said if they said no he'd feel like shit so fuck off and fuck off this deal.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has a liver issue too. He went to the doctor like a month ago and they asked if he had drinks the night before. He said he had a couple of beers so they told him not to drink for a few weeks. He only lasted 2 weeks. He said his doctor called him back in and he has to stop drinking again. He can't not drink though. Howard said he's not the same as him. He said it sounds like he has a drinking issue.
Howard said Dave Navarro was at the Porn Awards and saw Kasey Jordan on the red carpet. He said she looked familiar to him and she reminded him that he fucked her. Howard said he must have such crazy sex that he can't remember who he's been with. Howard said it sounds nuts. David said Courteney said ''and you are?'' when he went up to her. Howard told him not to get him started. Howard said he has to say something to him. He said he really thinks that she's lying to him. He said he thinks that she's involved with someone from the show and she's lying to him about it. David said she's really not a liar. Howard said she's there in New York with the guy from Cougar Town. Howard said that Christa Miller is coming in today and she thinks that Courteney isn't with that guy but he does. Howard said he was yelling to Beth about her last night. He said he really likes Courteney though.
Howard said he was on the phone with Sheri Zombie last night. He said he heard that Rob was shooting a movie and wasn't going to make it but now he's apparently flying in special for this party. Howard said that's pretty cool.
David told Howard about the picture he has of them rocking out at the last Kimmel party. Howard said he threw that picture out. He said David looked handsome but he didn't. He said he looked awful so he threw it out.
Howard said he was going to bring his camera out to L.A. but then he wondered when he was actually going to use it. He would like to use it at the party but no one wants him doing that. Howard said he wouldn't do that to people.
Howard said he's not going to take the camera to the party. He said he's going to leave it at home because he's really not going to use it out there. He said he packed last night and he's not going to bring it. Howard said he's too big of a star to do that. Howard said his photography teacher emailed him last night and said he can't wait to see what he shoots out there. Howard said he told him he can't either but he didn't tell him he's not bringing it with him. Howard said he just takes pictures of his dog.
Howard said he took some pictures of Ashley and Debra when she was in town. He said they reviewed those with the teacher. Howard said he doesn't want to keep taking pictures of his daughter when he's out in California. He said he doesn't walk around on the street. He said it's just fucking weird. His hobby is a disaster. He said he will be shooting Beth and her friend Katie for Hamptons magazine but that's about it.
Howard said he has a concept for a project he's going to work on for a year. He wants to keep it under wraps for now though. He said he had to leap frog to being a professional photographer.
Robin said there's a guy who takes pictures of naked people in public places. Howard said it could be something like that. He said he may involve Courteney in that. He said it'll be a Courteney and Robin nipple project.
David said that Courteney asked if Howard doesn't like her. Howard said he does like her. David said they spoke last night about Coco and the show.
Howard said he knows Christa is coming in today and she's friends with Courteney. Howard said she's drinking the Kool-Aid. He said he doesn't believe that she's not seeing someone. Howard said he knows for a fact that she's seeing someone. He told David he has sources. David said it must be Steve Langford hitting the streets.
Howard said he think something is up. He said it's going to happen at some point. David said that they're such good friends though. Robin asked if they're going to be like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Howard said that's a weird relationship. David said it's possible that they could be like that. Howard said it's going to go bad at some point and both David and Courteney are going to have to stop talking. Howard said you just hope she doesn't end up with someone with a big, thick cock like Chris Brown.
David said he was hanging with Dave down in Chile. He said Jane's Addiction was playing there and they sounded great. Howard asked if Perry is still involved with that Lollapalooza thing. David said he is. He told Howard about Perry Farrell's wife being there and dancing with him and things like that.
Howard said that Perry is so talented that you can't believe he doesn't have a bigger career. David said they sound so great and they should be the hot thing. He said they were like rock gods up there. He said Dave Navarro is great on guitar. Howard said he's been in a couple of bands. David said he's a real artist.
Howard said some of this porn awards stuff is funny. They were interviewing these people at the Porn Awards and it's kind of funny. Howard said that JD apparently hates this guy Manuel Ferrara because all of these girls want to bang him. Howard played a few clips where the porn stars were talking about this guy and how ''phenomenal'' he is. Howard said these girls are really jaded so they must really like this guy. The girls were all gushing over this guy.
Howard said it would be terrible if Courteney went out with Manuel Ferrara. Howard said someone sent in a song parody to the ''Friends'' theme. David was laughing and saying ''oh shit!'' before he even played it. Howard played the song and it was by this guy Eli Braden. He did the song about David trying to get into Courteney's box down at Disney. He sang about David's balls being blue to that theme song. Howard said he's going to sing that at karaoke out at the Kimmel party.
Robin read about this guy Manuel Ferrara and what he's known for. He has a bit of a lisp so he's known for that. Howard talked about what some of the girls were talking about and one of them said that he had just put his cock in her ass while they were making love. Howard said he has to get into some of this stuff.
David told Howard about the ''Spider-Man'' thing you do when you have sex. That's where you cum in your hand and throw it on the chick like a spider web. He laughed and said he's never done it but it sounds funny.
Howard played some more of the porn chicks talking about their experiences. One girl talked about getting DP'd one night and she had just learned how to do it.
Howard said he had audio of that Bombshell McGee talking about the craziest place she's ever had sex. Bombshell said that it was in an autopsy room. Howard said it would be cooler to say she was in Sandra Bullock's bedroom with Jesse James.
Howard played some of the AVN Awards speeches after that. He had one of a girl accepting for best Oral Sex saying that she's going to keep doing what she does best. Howard likes that they keep their speeches short. Howard had another one where a porn actress was accepting for best Double Penetration scene. She said the scene was spontaneous and thanked a bunch of people.
Howard said when these girls sober up they must try to melt the AVN award. He said when they finally hit rock bottom 10 years from now they must look at the award and think it's disgusting and want to bury it. He said it has to be the worst thing in the world. Howard said they have to be disgusted with it all.
JD said that was actually Akira talking about the DP thing. He said she's the chick that was on Bubba's show. Howard said Bubba isn't returning calls to Tim and Ross. He said he may have to call the guy himself. He hopes he's okay. Howard said he knows Bubba is upset about what went down there at Sirius. He said he hopes he's okay though.
Howard played some more of the acceptance speeches where one girl thanked another for letting her eat her pussy. Howard said that was super. He said the speeches are very moving.
Howard had another one where a chick was talking about the scene she had shot with Manuel Ferrara and saying that she would never forget the scene. Manuel was up making a speech too. They both said the scene was incredible. Robin wondered what he does that the other guys don't.
Howard told King that David is playing the game a bit. He said he gets tons of pussy and he's not going around hurting. Howard said he's fucking his brains out and just trying to be cool about it. Howard said he's not sure he'd even go back to Courteney at this point.
King said he gets it now. He asked what he still likes about Courteney. David said she's real and he likes that. He said it's really hard to find in this world. King said if she was real she'd tell him she was having sex. David said she's not. King said that she's telling him she's not and that's what he believes. David said she's really not.
Howard asked what the most painful thing is that Courteney has said about David. David said the fact that she's not sure about him is what hurts. He said it's nothing in particular that she's said. Howard said what he needs is someone who really needs him. David said that would be a nice thing. Howard said he needs a girl to walk into the room and be happy that he's there. Howard said he knows a woman like that. He said her name is Miss Sheri Zombie. He said he was in the middle of a conversation with her last night and she said she was going to fuck his brains out when he gets home from a week being away. Howard said that's just great. He said she appreciates Rob Zombie. She can't wait to fuck the guy when he gets home. Howard said that's a woman who knows how to hold on to her man.
King said he got home and his wife sucked his cock like no one knows. He said that's the kind of woman he needs. David said he has to take some of the responsibility. He said there were times when he'd kiss Courteney and he wasn't all there. Howard said maybe Courteney is too famous and that's what it is.
King said that David has to be like those guys who just don't care. He told him not to call Courteney for like 2 weeks and she'll call asking what's going on. David said that's the kind of games he's not going to play. He said he can't not call for 2 weeks. Howard said David is very mature, he likes that. Howard told him to change his number so she can't get in touch with him. King said she'll be sucking his dick after that.
King said that he thinks that Bubba hates him now. Howard said he got the guy hired there. He said he doesn't think the guy hates him. Howard told King to go back to advising David. King told Howard that the more you do for someone the more they hate you.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's a great picture of Courteney's tittie on this web site called Egotastic.com. Her bikini slipped off and showed her tit. Howard said he saw that. David thanked him for that. He told the caller to do a self inflicted Spider-Man on himself.
Howard asked David if he met any chicks last night. David said there were some there at the party but he had to cut out. He said he doesn't want to try to hard. He said he was dancing and stuff with some people. Howard said he has no shortage of pussy. David said he's not going around all crazy though.
Howard said he has to hook up with someone soon. David said when he was like 9 he had a younger girl about 8 and when she broke up with him he sent her a letter and said how much he missed her. He had tear drops on the letter that he circled and she showed all of his friends the letter.
Howard said David is going to meet someone and it's going to turn out to be a great relationship. David said he thinks that Courteney still loves him. Howard said he needs someone who adores him so much she drops to her knees. Howard said he wants to ask David about his car accident at some point. He said he has a lot to get to this morning including Will the Farter and his mom. Howard said it would have been better yesterday though. He said he didn't know they were lining it up for today. Howard said he's going to bring in Lisa G for David. He said he should date her. He told her to go do her hair for him. Howard said she would drop to her knees and tell him to get the hell out of the house. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and ended up dancing with David for a few seconds. He had Will the Farter on the line so he wanted to get to him. Howard asked if he had spoken to his mom about what they talked about yesterday. Will said he didn't.
Howard got Will's mom, Priscilla, on the phone too. He asked her what it was like when he was born and he had no asshole. She said it was shocking to her. Howard asked what it looked like when he was born. She never saw it. Howard asked if they said that he could die. She said they just said he wasn't able to go to the bathroom. She said that they had to wait 3 years before they did something. Howard said he was tied up to a colostomy bag. She said she had to take care of that for 3 years.
Howard asked at what age he had that talent to fart. She said she didn't know until he told her when she was in California. Howard asked how old she is now. She said she's 73.
Howard asked Priscilla about this story Will told them about what she was doing with his roommate. Howard said Will hasn't lived with his wife for a year and he has roommates and his mom living with him. Howard said Will is just weird. He asked why he's not with the wife. Priscilla said she gets paid very well down in Virginia and if she comes up there to where they live, she's not going to make as much. She said that he's going out trying to find jobs and it's tough. Howard said that must be what he tells his mom. Howard asked if she knows what he's really up to. She has no idea.
Howard asked Will what he tells her she does. Will said he does try to get a real job and he has told her what he does. Priscilla said she had no idea he was doing this Brutal Master thing. Howard explained it to her and had Will talking dirty to him on the phone like he was talking to a gay guy.
Howard and Will went back and forth for a minute with that. Will said he couldn't do this in front of his mother but he kind of got into it after a short time.
Howard asked Priscilla about the other day when Will came back in and saw his mom with is roommate. She was on her knees and the roommate was almost naked. Priscilla said he didn't tell it like that. Will said he saw the guy in his bikini briefs and his mom was a foot away from him. He said that the roommate moved away and she said something like ''Well he paid me...'' Priscilla said that it was for a back massage. She said he has to know her better than that.
Howard said that as soon as Will leaves the roommate comes out in his bikini briefs and she gives him massages for money? She said that he's a truck driver and he says his back is killing him. She said that he asked her to give him a back massage and he was paying for it. Howard said that sounds weird though. She said she thought Will knew his mother. Howard said it's very strange that there was a tissue there. She said there was oil involved. Howard asked if she ever jerked off the roommate. Priscilla said no, she's never done that. She said that she would never do that.
Howard asked why the guy's pants were off for a massage. She said that he had his pants in the dryer. Howard asked if she's sexually active. She said that's private. She said it was a long time ago. Howard asked Will if he believes her. Will said he guesses he has to believe it.
Priscilla asked Will to turn it around. She said she has to be the guard. Howard asked what she meant by that. David said that she must have to be the lookout for him fucking girls or something. Will said that's not what she's saying. David asked if he's fucking dudes. Will said that she's just saying whatever. Robin said they must not be very open with each other.
Howard said this is going about as well as one of Will's fart tricks so he's going to wrap it up. He let them go a short time later.
Lisa said they were out at a press conference where John Travolta announced that he's going to be in this John Gotti movie. Howard said there's something going on with this. He said that Lindsay Lohan and John Travolta were at this announcement and Stuttering John is involved with it somehow. He said he was thinking about this and it's very odd. Howard asked David when he's seen so much promotion for a movie that hasn't been shot and doesn't even have a script. Howard said Stuttering John and his friend somehow got involved in this and what they're doing is promoting it like it happened already. He said that's the only thing he can figure is going on. He said that Travolta doesn't need the money. He said that they must be trying to raise money for the movie because they don't have any script as far as he knows. He said it's crazy.
Lisa said Steve Langford was at the press conference and Stuttering John was there. Howard said Steve is a pit bull and he got up and asked John Travolta some questions. Howard said Steve pulled a stuttering John on Stuttering John and he didn't like it. Howard played the audio of Steve asking how Stuttering John lured him into the project and they just said ''Next question...'' Howard said that Steve went up to John later and asked John if he could tell him how it all happened. John said that Marty Ingals introduced them to John Travolta. Steve asked how he was involved. John said that he was with it for about 15 years. Steve asked if he's going to leave the Tonight Show to do this. John said he's not going to leave now. John asked how Steve is doing because he gets calls from him every day. Steve asked how he feels being demoted. John said that he feels like he got a promotion.
Howard asked how it's a promotion to go from being on camera to being a writer on the Tonight Show. Fred did his John impression for a few seconds. Howard played more of John and Steve talking. John says he'll see him later and bolts. Howard said John is feeling like the people he used to interview. He doesn't think it's fun or funny.
Howard said he has never seen anything like this with a movie before. They usually have a script and a director at least. They just have Travolta and Lohan.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Chuck Zito is working the Charlie Sheen tour and he's been advising him on how to do things. Lisa said that Chuck told them some stories about hanging out with Charlie and his two goddesses. Howard said what she's saying is that Chuck has advised them on the tour and the show has gotten better. Howard said that's great. He said he can't wait to hear what's going on the next time he does a show there. Howard said Chuck should be on the whole tour if he has improved it.
Lisa said she saw Chuck lurking the aisles at the Radio City show. Howard said she can't say he's lurking. Lisa said he was looking for trouble at the show.
Lisa went to the Charlie Sheen show on Friday night. She said the show was horrible. Howard said no one can tell him what the show is. She said he basically talks about the drugs he did and what happened while he was doing them. Howard asked if there's any humor involved. She said ''barely'' and that he thinks he's funny but he's really not. Howard said he should get a writer to write something for him. Lisa said the crowd was getting angrier and angrier and she got scared. She said that they had more security there than she's ever seen. Howard said it sounds like a bore fest. Lisa said that's about what it was.
Howard said he was reading that he got like $7 million out of this tour for doing nothing. Howard asked who the idiot is, Charlie or the people who go to see him?
Lisa said that a soap opera star mentioned the names Richard and Sal during a show. Lisa said that they have confirmed with the General Hospital writers that it was a Stern Show shout out. That led to Howard talking about how a lot of soaps seem to be getting canceled. That show is still on though. Howard played the clip where Sal and Richard were mentioned. The character mentioned Richard and Sal for some project they were working on.
Howard said Richard and Sal are going to be blowing each other today after that. Howard said Richard's Dad left a voice mail for him and he explains how he had to kill a snake the other day by putting a golf ball in the chicken coupe. He played the call and Mr. Christy said he had problems with the chicken eggs disappearing. He said he put the golf ball in there and it killed the snake when it ate it.
Howard said that's life on the farm. He said he guarantees he made a snake sloppy Joe. He said that's real living there. He said if there's a disaster out there that's the guy who is going to survive. Howard wrapped up with Lisa and let her go. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked to David about hanging out with 50 Cent last night. David said he's just smooth. He said Roy Jones Jr. was there too. Howard said that's cool that he was accepted by the brothers last night. Howard said Robin would be good for 50 Cent. Robin said she doesn't think she's compatible.
Howard said David was telling him not to seem so interested in Courteney. Just like King of All Blacks did.
Howard said Wolfie was out interviewing Kenny Stabler at some event he was at. Howard said he thought he was a baseball player but he was a football guy. David said he can't remember who he is either. Howard played the clip and Wolfie asked Kenny some questions about gay guys and who he's been attracted to on his team. Kenny said it was a strange question and walked away. Howard said Wolfie ran into a guy who was in the Negro leagues in baseball. He said he thought this was kind of sad. He played the clip and the guy was Robert Bob Scott. He played for the New York Black Yankees. Wolfie asked him who he would kiss on his team if he could have. Robert said he was old school and he can't say anything about that.
Howard payed a clip of a news report where they were interviewing people live at an airport and this woman says her day was ''shitty.'' Howard said he has a bunch of tapes like that. Howard said that they shouldn't put a live mic on someone like that.
Howard said this guy Wally Bachman was a baseball coach and he got into a disagreement with an umpire and he goes berserk. He played the audio of that and he's yelling about how it wasn't even fucking close. He cursed a bunch of times and went off on the umpire. He ended up getting thrown out of the game. He went off on him for a minute screaming at him. David said he'd like to hear Richard and Sal cut that together with the Christian Bale freak out clip.
Howard said there are some people who put video up on the web to get noticed and it works for some. He said that it's spawning some really awful stuff. He said there's this 15 year old girl who did something that's really not very good. He said she's really bad. He played this clip of this girl Kathy May singing ''Don't Stop Believing.'' Howard laughed as soon as he heard her singing. Howard said she's so serious and you know she's waiting for a contract. Meanwhile she's awful. Howard said that's like him singing at Jimmy's party. He said she's a sweet kid but it's not going to happen. She's going to be waiting by the door for a long time. Howard said he watched that like 10 times.
Howard wanted to hear what she was saying but it was tough to hear. They talked about how they think she wants to be in the Wack Pack. Howard said she's really high strung for that. Howard was going to give up on her. He had Christa Miller come in.
Howard said Christa was looking real cute. He said that it was good to see her. She got all decked out for the show. She said of course she did. Christa said she has respect. She said hi to Fred and David. Howard said David is the boss on that show. Davis said that it's actually Christa's husband who is the boss. He's going to take his name off he show because he's really not involved that much.
Howard said David is the executive producer of the show. Howard told him there are a lot of guys who are there from the beginning and they walk away. He said he won't get a paycheck if he walks away. Howard said he shouldn't take his name off of it. David said that he's really not involved. Howard told him to shush. He asked if he was involved in the beginning. David said he was. Howard told him not to take his name off the show then. Christa said that she doesn't know what to tell him to do.
Howard said Sam Simon isn't involved on a daily basis with The Simpsons but he makes a fortune. Howard said if he takes his name off the show then he won't get paid. David said it goes through their production company. Howard said he can take his name off and put his name on it instead. Christa said that sounds good to her.
Howard asked Christa about Courteney Cox since they work on the show Cougar Town together. Howard said he's been trying to tell David to move on. He said that she's involved with one of her co-stars. Christa said she isn't. Christa said that she heard the story about how Josh couldn't even get laid on the trip he was on where they were both at. She said she heard that Courtney and David had a great time in Florida. She said that Courteney is really great and she's trying to figure this out with a clear head. Howard said David is a great guy. Christa said that's what Courteney says too. Howard said he knows for a fact that she's had sex with other guys. Christa said she has not.
Howard asked if Jennifer Aniston is Courteney's best friend. She said she thinks she is. Howard said he would love it if Courteney would be upset if David banged Jennifer. Christa said she's pretty sure she would be upset.
Howard said that everyone sounds like a robot saying that she's trying to figure this out. It's been figured out and she's not into it. David is. Howard said that every guy is going to have problems. David said that he was unhappy as well and he's not sure he'd be happy if they got back into it. David said that this has never been about other people. He said it's about him not being himself and it's really complicated.
Howard asked Christa if they should get back together. Christa said it's probably not her decision. Howard said he just wanted her to say based on what she's seen. She said that neither of them were happy and it wasn't a compatible situation that was going on. Howard asked why it wasn't working. Was it his small penis? She said she didn't hear that from Courteney.
Christa said she loves David and he's very kind. She said that he's the most thoughtful person. She said she gets a nice feeling from him. Christa said she didn't see anything negative. Howard said she's going to be Courteney's friend and not David's. David said he gets Howard and Courteney gets Christa.
Howard said it's weird when a couple breaks up. Christa said it is weird and sad. Howard asked if she's still claiming that she didn't sleep with that co-star. She said she didn't and she knows that. Howard said she's lying. Howard doesn't believe her.
Howard said Christa's husband created Cougar Town. Howard asked if she met him because he had created some other show. She said that she met him because of Howard. Christa said she's been listening to the show since she was 15. Howard asked who she likes on the show. She said she likes Fred. Howard asked why. She said he's talented and she got to sit with Fred and Alison at dinner the night they went out. Howard said he must have blocked that out. Robin didn't know she had dinner with Christa and Fred. Howard said he didn't know either.
Howard asked Christa if she's going to the party at Kimmel's place. Christa said of course she is. She said she can't sing so she won't be singing Karaoke.
Christa said she had a very young, cool mom and she let her listen to Howard when she was young. She said that she believed everything that Howard said and she never believed that back pain was real because of Howard. Howard said he can't believe someone actually listens to him and takes his advice. Christa said her mother is a model with Ford Modeling and she's still modeling at 65. Howard said she must be really hot. He asked it it's weird to have someone that hot. She said it wasn't weird.
Howard asked how old she was when her mother divorced. She said her mom is on her fourth marriage now. Howard said she must be a Robin fan. She said she is. Howard asked if she's a Richard and Sal fan. She said she wishes that Richard would bathe. Howard asked if she's a Ralph fan. She said she likes him but she's afraid of him not liking her.
Howard asked if she liked Eric the Midget. Christa said she thinks it's great when he's torturing him. She liked him. She said she finds Jeff the Drunk kind of amusing. Howard asked if she's a JD fan. She said that the one who complains about Cougars is one that amuses her. She said she doesn't like Steve. She said she's heard Will is the cute one and he was cute on the phone with her yesterday. Howard had Will come in so she could meet him. He came in a short time later and said a quick hello.
Christa told Howard that she was working on the Drew Carey show years ago and she came up with Drew to meet Howard. She told Howard about how she was dating this actor and he told her to stop it. She said that she and Drew laughed and the guy she was dating was in the city with her. She said she went back to the hotel and he was gone. She said he wouldn't come with her to the party she had to go to. Christa said she went to the party and she met Bill Lawrence there at the party. She said that if Howard hadn't made fun of her boyfriend then she would have had her date at the party and she wouldn't have met Bill.
Christa said that she told the guy she was dating that she didn't want to do this anymore like a month later. They had made fun of him about how small he was and they made fun of him about that.
Howard asked if Bill was upset that Michael J Fox got sick and left ''Spin City.'' She said they knew it going into the show. She said that Bill knew it but she's not sure if ABC knew. Christa said that it may have been in the first season that he was diagnosed. They replaced Fox with Charlie Sheen. She said Charlie was so kind and normal back then too. She said she thinks that he's had a psychotic break since then. She said she talks to her shrink about that.
Howard and Christa talked about Charlie Sheen and how nutty he's become. Howard said there are others who have broken too. Howard said his shrink never talks about Charlie Sheen. Christa said her shrink is great and he'll tell her to just stop doing stuff if he thinks that it's wrong.
Howard asked Christa if her shrink thinks that Courteney is sleeping with anyone else. She said he doesn't know. Howard said it must be weird on the set with the whole thing between David and Courteney. David didn't seem to want to stay on that so Howard moved on.
Howard said Christa's husband created Scrubs, Cougar Town and Spin City. Christa said he's written for some other shows too. She said that it's been awesome doing Cougar Town too. Howard asked if she was Bill's first famous chick. She said he was married to someone else who was kind of famous. She said she's not really famous but she works in TV. She said that she's on Rules of Engagement now. She doesn't want to make mention of her. She said she doesn't need to be talked about on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that's kind of catty. Howard said he didn't know he was married to the blond from Rules of Engagement.
Howard said he didn't know what a big fan she was of the show. Christa said it was great being at his house. She said she stays in contact with Beth too. She said that she likes staying home but her husband likes to go out. She said Bill is well loved and has a nice life. She said she can't wait to get back into her house and stay home but Bill wants to go out with friends.
Howard said he had Christa and Fred over and he doesn't remember why. Howard said it was starting to come back to him though.
Christa said that Bill was kind of upset that Howard thought he was Will Arnett. Howard said he still wouldn't recognize Bill if he came up to him. He told David to stay by his side out at the Kimmel party to point him out. Christa said that Bill was upset that Howard screwed up that story and still thinks that he was talking to Will.
David said that he's kind of upset that he's not involved in a show that has his name on it. He started to mumble like JD and cut himself off. Howard told David to stop being so noble. David said that Cougar Town is a great show and they should be talking about that. Christa said that David had a lot of input in the beginning too. Howard told him not to talk about taking his name off the show. David said there are a lot of people who were involved in the show and it wasn't all him.
Howard asked Christa if she's excited for this Kimmel party. She said she's over excited. Howard asked who she hung out with the last time. She said she was with Demi and Courteney and she loved Molly. She said that Molly seems well loved too. Howard asked who shouldn't be there this year. Robin said she had a question about that. She wondered if Jillian is going to be there again. Howard said she will be there again. She vomited last tine. Howard said it was Jimmy's house she threw up in so he doesn't care.
Howard and Christa wondered if Ryan Phillippe is going to come with Amanda Seyfried. Christa said she wants to see her naturally blond hair.
Howard asked if Christa has ever gone to a party that Bill's ex-wife has been at. She said she hasn't. Christa also said that Zach Braff wanted to go to Jimmy's party but he doesn't contact Jimmy that much so he found it kind of odd. Howard said there are people he would want there. He said it's all up to Jimmy though. He said he runs the party with an iron fist. Howard said he had to push for David to be there. Howard said he doesn't want to give out the guest list but Don Rickles will be there. He said that Jimmy runs that thing like a club. Christa said it's a perfect thing he does. Howard said he knows what the food is going to be and it's pretty good.
Howard said he was the least exciting part of the party. Christa said he was the most exciting part. David said that it's a great thing and everyone knows his thing and they're cool with it. Howard said he demonstrated his musical ability last time he was there. He played drums, keyboard and guitar. He said they were impressed. Christa said it was very sexy.
Christa asked if Howard is the one who fooled around with Courteney. Howard said maybe she wanted to get alone with him and David ruined it. Howard said he thinks that might be what happened. David said that party was the beginning of the end. He said he drank that moonshine that Johnny Knoxville brought and that was it. Howard said he didn't drink that stuff. Christa said everyone was drinking out of it.
Howard said Courteney must have opened up about David to Christa. David said he figures she did. He said there aren't a lot of secrets though. Howard asked Christa if she can say something nice to Courteney about David. She said that Courteney already says nice things about David. David said he loves and misses his family. Christa said that Courteney told her they had a great time at Disney. David wasn't able to get laid though. Christa said they're not supposed to be doing that kind of thing right now. They're supposed to be trying to figure things out.
Howard asked Christa if she likes working on Cougar Town. She said she loves it and she thinks that Howard would like it too. She also told Howard to check out Dexter because she thinks that he'd love that too.
Christa told Howard that she didn't want to hear about Twitter. She said she thought that everyone who does it is stupid. She said she heard Howard joined it and she got on because Howard did it. She said that she and her husband have Twitter Wars together. She said that she's enjoying it now. She said Bill took it too far last week though. They fight with each other on there and it's kind of real but not really. She said that Bill wrote that she had done it ''old school'' and she got 9,000 tweets about what ''old school'' is. She said it was something sexual they did. Howard asked what that means. She said everyone was asking her what it meant. Howard said old school is having sex with the blond on Rules of Engagement.
Christa said that it was a wild and sexy thing they did that was kind of old school. She said that Bill is privately sexy and that's what she likes. She said they did a shower situation when they first met and they did it again so that was the old school thing. Howard asked if she's wild sexually. She said she's a little wild.
Howard asked Christa about when she started modeling. She started at 15. Her mom didn't want her to get into it. She said that she was never in a weird situation though. Christa said she's used to being aware of what's going on because she grew up in the city. Howard asked if she had sex early on. She said she went to an all girls school so she wasn't exposed to that. She said she was 16 when she lost her virginity. That was with a boyfriend though.
Howard asked if the wildest thing she's done is have sex in the shower. She said that they go off and have sex at parties. She said that Bill loves doing that. Howard asked if she's going to do that at Jimmy's party. She said she will if Howard wants her to. They've had sex at all of their friend's parties. She said they go into coat closets and things like that. David said maybe he's with the wrong person. He seemed to like what he was hearing.
Howard asked who the biggest celebrity was that she had sex at their wedding. Christa said they had sex at Marishka Hargatay's wedding. Howard asked if she knows. Christa said no. She said they snuck in the house bathroom even though they had port-a-potties there. She said she was wearing a dress and Bill did it there in the bathroom. She said doing that makes the party all that much more fun. She said they laugh the rest of the night.
Howard asked where he finishes. She said that they have a good rhythm method and it works for them. Howard asked if he takes her from behind. She said he'll sit on the toilet and she'll sit on him. She heard Fred laugh so she said she must be really inappropriate if Fred is laughing. Howard thought that was like a Dirty Sanchez. He thought that's what it was called when you have sex on a toilet. Robin thought it was a Pittsburgh Platter or something. Howard said he would get an accidental Blumpkin. Howard said it sounds like a King Tut kind of thing. Bill is King Tut and she sits on his lap. David said that they could call it the King Tut.
Howard asked Christa more about the sex thing and David asked how she'd feel about getting on the Sybian. Howard said that was a good intern there asking about the Sybian.
Howard said that Christa should break out something hot for the party. He said they should have a lingerie party. Howard said Christa should be showing off her assets.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Christa was the first cover girl for Maxim magazine in 1997. She said she was. She said she had a baseball jersey on and she showed some cleave on that.
Another caller asked David what the most socially awkward moment was for Howard at the last party. David said that he and Howard thought they were being kind of anti-social at the party while playing cards. Howard jokingly said he shit on the floor so that was weird too. David said it was even weirder that Jillian scooped it up.
Howard asked Christa if she thinks that Jillian shouldn't have been invited to the party again. Christa said Jillian loves him so she thinks it's fine. She said she doesn't like talking to really drunk people though.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Christa about how she likes being spanked. Christa said she isn't a fan of that. Howard said Beth isn't either. He said he went to spank her the other night and she wasn't into it. He asked David if he's spanked Courteney. David said he has. Howard said she might need it now. David said it's a hot thing to do.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that they all know ''old school'' is swallowing. Howard didn't know that. Christa said he was wrong about that. Jeff also said that he lives by himself and doesn't live with his brother. Christa said she was sorry she got that wrong. Jeff said she was forgiven then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's sick of him talking about this Jimmy Kimmel party. He said the first party sounded like a bore and so does this one. Howard said it doesn't matter to him either. He told the guy to fuck off and don't rain on his parade. He said he gets to go to one party a year and this guy is going to piss all over it.
Howard said they've had enough fun. He gave Christa a plug for Cougar Town and they're going to relaunch the show on Monday after Dancing with the Stars. She said they've been renewed for another season too. Howard said he'll see her later in the week at the Kimmel party. Howard said he hopes that Christa is with Bill for a long time. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played a bit that Sal put together using the Wally Bachman clip with Christian Bale. David had asked him to do that earlier. Howard said they almost sound the same in that clip. He said you almost can't tell the difference.
Howard said they have a contest going on where they're looking for the World's Saddest Listener. Email them at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show. Howard let him run through that stuff pretty quick without too many interruptions.
Howard said he got an email from someone asking about the cover of ''I Feel Free'' that they played the other day. Howard said it was the Foo Fighters covering the song. Howard said it's such a great song. He played some of that. Howard said he didn't even know they covered the song.
Howard read some email about his drop in on Rosie's show. He read that because he was actually getting a compliment in the email.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about the hundreds of women that Jeanette was talking about yesterday who think Howard is a sex symbol. Howard didn't think much of that. Howard said that Rosie pointed out that Sirius gave Oprah 50 million and now Oprah is going to be paying her very well to do a show on her cable network so it's like Sirius is paying her in a round about way.
Howard said some people sent him some computer cleaning products. He said that Christa even gave him some stuff.
Robin told Howard that she sat down with her Apple stuff and decided to just use it. She said she must have a problem with her internet in the house because her computers keep dropping off. Howard told her to just get rid of that stuff and go back to the PC.
Robin got into her news and read a story about the kid who got the tequila in his sippie cup. Robin said there's another story about a kid getting alcohol in the cup. Robin said that they order drinks from the bar and it must be a common thing. She said this time the kid ordered orange juice and he drank most of it and the kid started acting weird. It turned out the kid had a tropical sangria in the cup.
Robin asked Howard if people should be allowed to look at pornography in a library. Howard said no. He said that's not the place to be looking at that. Howard said that should be saved for your iPad. Robin said that in Los Angeles they're not stopping people but they will be moving the computers.
Robin read about a couple that tried to sell a baby to a convicted child molester. They needed a place to stay so they were going to sell the baby girl to the guy and his sister. Robin read about how the guy was going to sign that he was the father of the child.
Robin asked if Howard thinks that Joaquin Phoenix screwed up his career when he did that fake documentary. Howard said he can get a job anytime. He said that he was brilliant in that movie he played Johnny Cash in. He said he should be able to get work. David said he's a great guy. Robin said that she read that he signed to do a part in a new movie but he hasn't worked much since that stupid documentary he did.
Robin read about Brian Grazier announcing that the 24 movie will hit theaters in 2012.
Robin said that Michael Douglas' ex-wife is still in court trying to get money from him for his latest movie. Robin said that they've been divorced for years and she got $51 million in the divorce settlement but she lost it in the Bernie Madoff scandal.
Robin read that Justin Bieber was supposed to meet with the Prime Minister of Israel but he's called off the meeting. Justin refused to meet with a group of children so that led to the cancellation. Howard said the guy must have more important things to do than meet with Justin Bieber.
Robin read about a weight loss doctor who is up on sexual assault charges. She said that they found 6 women who claim they've been groped by this doctor. Robin said the guy told them that they could burn more calories if they had orgasms. He also said he was breaking up the fat by using vibrators on them. Howard said the women must be embarrassed to admit they fell for that line. He said he'd live with his own shame and not report it if he fell for that. They had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Robin got back to her news and read about a former UN weapons inspector getting in trouble for having inappropriate contact with a 15 year old. Robin said they did a sting and had video of this guy masturbating and sending it to what he thought was a 15 year old.
Robin read about a woman who drove her van into the Hudson River and killed herself and 3 kids. She let her 10 year old out of the car just before she drove into the river. Robin said the kid ran home and told the police and they found the van with everyone dead.
Robin read about the investigators on Long Island preparing to search underwater in the Gilgo Island area. They've been finding bodies on the beach but they're going to be searching underwater now.
Robin read about how they're closer to draining the water from the Fukishima nuclear power plant. They're creating more and more radioactive water as they try to keep the reactor cool. Howard said he's feeling kind of pumped today. He didn't seem to care about the story Robin was reading. He said he was busy thinking about his work out. Robin said they're increased the area of evacuation in Japan because of this disaster. Robin said they think it could be as bad as Chernobyl.
Robin read about organic snack foods and a study that was done where people thought they were tasting organic and non-organic foods but they were actually the same thing. The people thought organic tasted better. Robin said there is no organic processed food.
Howard said he's going to trim his bush down tonight. He said he will groom his chest and bush area so when he's laying by the pool he doesn't look so bad. Howard was talking about that during the organic food thing like he didn't care about that either.
Robin read about how NASA announced what they'll be doing with the shuttle fleet now. She had audio of a spokesperson breaking down and crying as he's talking about them being retired. Robin said they have decided to end the shuttle missions but they don't really have another plan in place at this time for space exploration. Howard said the real long term plan was to find another planet to live on. Howard said we've still only gone to the moon. He said they need someone like Steve Jobs to run NASA to figure out how to get to other planets.
Robin read about the President making another speech but they're not saying what this will be about. Robin said they have said that he will discuss what we're going to have to do to get rid of the massive deficit.
Robin read about a study that was done that found that a large percentage of prisoners who end up back in jail within 3 years of being released. Robin said close to half of them return.
Robin read about a Chinese national who conned a bunch of immigrants into joining his fake army. Robin said he told them that if they joined they could get their U.S. citizenship. He charged them over $400 to join.
Robin read about Emma Roberts, who is always mentioned as being Julia Roberts' niece and not Eric Roberts' daughter, who is in the new Scream 4 movie. Howard asked David if she's too young for him. David said he's just not feeling it. Robin said she also talks about working with Neve Campbell. Howard said she's a chatterbox. Fred played the Grandpa Al Lewis ''Bla, bla, bla...'' clip for her.
Robin had some audio of Will I Am talking about a new movie he's a part of. Howard said he has a lot of thoughts too. He cut that off and moved on.
Robin had some audio of Robert Redford talking about his new movie. Howard cut him off after a few seconds. He said he was a bore too.
Robin read about John Travolta and some people meeting over this John Gotti movie. Howard said he still doesn't believe the movie will be made. Robin had some audio of John Travolta talking about the story and why he thinks it'll be good. Howard asked if there's a script for this thing. Robin said she doesn't know.
Robin said Paul Reiser is returning to TV. Howard said he loved ''Mad About You'' and watched it every week. Robin said he's reunited with Helen Hunt because she's directing the first episode. Robin had some audio of Helen talking about directing and how much she loves it. Howard said of course she does. He'd love it too.
David asked Howard why he doesn't do things like the 3D Butt Bongo Fiesta thing anymore. Howard said maybe he will. He said he has an idea for something he might do. He does have Howard TV to work with. Howard said they didn't have any money back at the channel 9 show. He said that he'd go home and edit and write and all of that. He didn't have a minute to breathe. He said they asked for money and they wouldn't give them any.
Robin read about how the Obamas will be doing Oprah's show when she says goodbye in May. Howard said he heard that they're trying to get sponsors for that final show. He said you'd think that she'd give them a break for sticking with her so long. Robin said she apparently has to get one last payday.
Robin said that Tori Spelling has announced she's pregnant again. Howard said ''Oh good for her.'' He ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon had Steve play a clip of the show where Robin and Howard talked about Tim Sabean and the fiasco he caused yesterday. Gary said that Tim said later that it was Rosie's producer that told him to bring her over. Benjy said that he also told Robin he was just passing the message along to Robin.
Jon said there's nothing better than starting the day with Howard calling you an ass and Robin telling you to leave her alone.
Gary said Tim did explain the story and it was like they didn't even hear him. Tim was in so Jon asked him what happened. Tim said he was just trying to make things happen there at Sirius XM. Gary said that was the wrong answer. Tim said he didn't want to get into this Paul McCartney vortex again and Robin seemed fine with what was going on. Ten minutes into the show he was back in that vortex.
Gary asked Tim if he would tell the producer to ask herself. Tim said he might. He said it doesn't matter what you do, you're going to catch shit about it. Gary said he ran down to Out Q this morning to try and get Jesse J on the show. He wanted to get her on the show to meet David. He wondered if he should bring her in or not. Tim said no. Jon agreed with him. Jon said Howard doesn't like to be interrupted. Gary said he'd get in trouble either way. That's what Tim just said.
Jon asked if he and Robin are still good. Tim said he and Robin may be breaking up. Gary said he thinks that there was a bond there between them when he was drinking the green drink but now it's kind of gone away. Tim said he thinks that they have a great relationship. He said he still loves Robin.
Jon asked Tim if he's going to go back to the diet eventually. Tim said he will but right now there's a lot of things going on and he can't do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Tim works his way into the studio all the time when he shouldn't be in there. The guy said that he only does it when there are big guests in the studio. Tim said he's involved in every aspect of the channels and he has to keep his nose to the grindstone. He's there all day long and he's trying to keep things running smoothly. He told the guy if he can do the job better than him then he can try and take it. The caller said he's just wondering why he's in the studio. He said he could watch it on a monitor. Tim told him to come in and be his apprentice for a day. The caller said he'd do that.
The caller said he's not attacking him. He's just asking a question about what function he's performing in the studio. Tim said he has to deal with people and deal with issues. Tim said they have a lot of stuff happening on the fly and that's why he's around there. He said everyone has an opinion but it's all day long like that. He said he just keeps his head down and odes his job. The caller asked why he gets so defensive because that makes it seem like he's doing something wrong. Tim said he's not upset.
Gary said he felt he was a little irritated. Tim said he's really not. Jon said he has unbelievable enthusiasm. He said Tim is going to shoot first and ask questions later. Tim said he's like the pit crew for everyone there and he's making sure they have the tools they need to do their job. Jon had to take a break after that.
Gary said that he wants to see who Bill's first wife was. He said that she was kind of dripping of sarcasm about the woman.
Gary said he found it interesting that Christa's mother used to listen to the show and how much he affected her life.
Jon said there's a lot of talk about this Jimmy Kimmel party and we learned that Bill and Christa like to have sex at parties and weddings. Gary said he thinks that Howard wishes he could do something like that but he just cant. Howard wanted Christa to do it at Jimmy's party. Gary wondered if Christa would tell Jimmy that Howard said it was okay if Jimmy caught her.
Benjy having sex at a party can be kind of fun. Gary said that could be kind of gross to some people. Benjy said he'd rather have someone bang in his bathroom instead of shit.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Christa is a great guest. He said the last two weeks has been great radio and it's been fantastic.
Another caller said he wanted to say he just joined satellite radio and they're awesome. He said he wanted to talk about the old school sex thing. He said she may have been referring to anal. He said that's what ''old school'' meant to him. Gary said it's like when you see something bleeped on TV and you imagine what it was. He said that everyone is just imagining what it could be. Benjy said the anal thing was a good guess. He said that it must be some way they did it when they first started doing it. He said it could just be pulling the panties to the side or something like that.
Christa's husband Bill Lawrence called in. Bill said he always listens to the show. He said that Christa never gets that racy so he was proud of her. He said that Natalie Maines is Tweeting that she's going to keep an eye on them at the party to see if they fuck. Jon asked what he meant by going old school. Bill said that they just did it without vibrators because they were on vacation with carry on luggage so they didn't bring those things. He said it just means it was just him without her toys.
Benjy asked how long it took for her to bring in the toys in their relationships. He said she's privately kinky so she uses those things.
Jon asked about the wedding fucking thing and Bill said he hates weddings so that's why he does that. He said he told one friend that he probably fucked at his wedding more than he did.
Jon asked about the dinner Bill had with Howard and Fred. Bill said he had Fred sitting next to him and he's a great guy. He said he was happy to have him to talk to. Bill said they were just chilling and everyone was watching Howard play chess so he hung out with Fred shooting the shit all night.
Gary said Howard mistook Bill for Will Arnett. He asked if Howard is going to recognize him. Bill said that Howard is an icon to him and every time he sees him he might have 5 minutes of good conversation. He said he made fun of Jeff Probst for 5 minutes and then hid from Howard the rest of the night. He said he's kind of star struck around Howard. He said he's going to try harder this weekend to talk to Howard.
Jon asked Bill if he thinks that he looks like Will Murray. Bill wasn't sure but he said that having money can make you look more attractive.
Gary brought up the story about Bill's ex-wife and how she's on a TV show every week but Christa made it sound like she's not that famous. Bill said that's the one topic she didn't want to talk about. He said that's a name not to be spoken. Benjy asked why she doesn't like her. Bill said she's very possessive. He said that he got married when he was like 22 or 23 and he didn't meet Christa until he was like 28. He said he will occasionally come home and see the DVR with a frozen image of his ex-wife on the TV and she'll tell him to look at the pain in the ass he used to be married to and see how great he has it now.
Gary asked which chick on Rules of Engagement she is. Bill said that she's the blond married to the guy from Seinfeld. Gary said he saw that she's married to her high school sweetheart now. Bill said that is true. Bill said that Christa didn't want to talk about her today but he told her it would be a good story.
Bill said that Christa is such a psychotic fan of Howard's show that she was worried about David being there today. Gary said she was in with a couple of other people in the past and today was the first time she was booked as Christa Miller. Bill said it's always nice when she's on. Bill said he can back up the story about Courteney not hooking up with those two guys from the cast. He said he has intimate knowledge of the cast and neither of them would step into that. He said that they're both grown ups and they're not 20 year olds on the set of a TV show.
Jon asked about David talking about taking his name off the show. Bill said he thinks that he's such a good guy he doesn't think that he should have his name there since it's not his place of work. He said he was there in the beginning and he's going to keep his name on it forever.
Bill said he knows he titled the show wrong and the show isn't about cougars. He said he understands Steve being upset about the cougar thing. Steve and Bill talked about that for a minute and straighten out the cougar thing.
Jon wrapped up with Bill a short time later. He let him get a plug in for the Cougar Town show which will be on Monday night after Dancing with the Stars and then back on Wednesday nights after that. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about Lisa not wanting to date David. She said she's not an outgoing type. Gary said he thinks that she wants a fun guy who wants to stay home. Gary said she might be thinking about her future and David isn't the kind of guy who is going to settle down.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loves David. She said that David did her a personal favor a few years ago and he used a quote from her book in an episode of ''Medium'' that he directed. Howard said the writers probably put it in. She said she thinks that David did it because she met Matthew Perry and he's friends with Courteney and maybe he passed it along.
The caller asked about Christa's lips and if they think she had them done. Gary said he didn't notice anything. Steve said that cougars will do anything to look young. Benjy said he thinks she had work done. Jon said he didn't know but she looked great today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he remembers Howard promoting his movie 5 years before it was made. Gary said they hadn't even written a script yet. He didn't think that happened. The guy said the interview was great with John though. Gary said that interview reminded him of the time Imelda Marcos got stuck in the revolving door.
Jon said it seems like the thing about this movie is that it's not a done deal yet. Howard's movie was a done deal. It just took a few years to get it made.
Steve Langford came in and said he spoke to Stuttering John for about 71 seconds. It was just enough time to run out the door, into the rain, to get a cab. Jon asked what John had said about his demotion being a promotion. Steve said when you get fired, you get fired. He said John was demoted. He said he should fess up to it. Benjy asked why.
Benjy said he doesn't understand why he has to talk about it. Steve just stared at Benjy for a few seconds. Jon and Gary said no one can hear that though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves all of the guys except for Benjy. He said he sucks. Benjy said he was staring at him.
The caller said the reason Lisa is alone is because no guy would stay in a relationship long enough with her. He said you'd have to put a lifetime into her to find out if she's worth staying with. The caller said that if it takes more than 3 or 4 months then it's not worth staying. Jon said maybe she's looking for companionship. The caller said she won't do anything fun on the show. Gary asked if he gets any sexuality off of her in the news room. Steve quickly said no.
Jon asked Steve about the questions he asked John and if he thinks that he should answer him honestly. Steve said you'd think he would want to. Gary said John can answer any way he wants. Gary said even if it is a demotion, the guy might not want to talk about it. He said he gets what Steve is doing and what John is doing.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the phone call between Will the Farter and his mom. He said she learned some stuff about her son she didn't know. Jon asked how Gary would describe that relationship. Gary said it was odd. He said they glossed over the whole thing so quickly he wasn't buying the whole story. Benjy said he thought she was being honest. He said it seems like they really love each other too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about David Arquette sitting in and asking how exhausting it was. He said he read about his exploits out with 50 Cent and some girls. David said they make up shit in the paper about that. He said he tried to get some good sleep last night. David said he's doing this MTV show called Seven and some Housewives Bravo show. Howard said he watches that show. He said it's kind of fun. He said the host is kind of a buffoon but he's not because he put the Housewives shows together. He said the guy's name is Andy Cohen.
Howard asked Robin what she's doing on vacation next week. Robin said she's not saying. She said she's going to have people guess. Howard guessed she's going to some shithole, third world country. Robin said she's not going to say. Howard said she goes to the worst places on earth. He said she wants to be aware of everything so that's why she goes. David told her to go to Haiti. He said that's a fascinating place.
David told Robin she has to come to jimmy's party sometime. He said they can fuck in the bathroom out there. Robin said she'll make it out there sometime.
Howard said he's sad for David. He had gone out with Courteney and David went out to dinner with her and he paid. Howard said that must be really weird for him. Robin said that happened to her once. She said she went out with a guy for the last time and she said she'd pay just so she'd never have to see the guy again.
David said he got to see Courteney's breasts. He said that's where it stopped though. That's what went on down at Disney World. Howard said he can picture her saying she's all confused and then telling him to stop. He said it's all so silly. David agreed. Howard said David is mature and he could act mature around her.
Howard said he's sure he could work this whole thing out if he got them in the same room together. He said he and his ex get along just fine. Robin said Howard can't live with everybody. Howard said both David and Courteney are immature and that's the problem there. Robin said Courteney is a home body.
Howard had some audio of Courteney Cox on Letterman. He said he had two clips. In the first one Dave asked her about her husband and talked about how unusual he is. Dave said he figured the marriage must be fun. Courteney said they are separated and David is sober now. Howard said he must be under so much pressure when she's talking about how many days he's been sober. Howard said most people don't have that kind of pressure in their lives.
Howard played more of the audio and Courteney talked about how great David is doing. Howard said she seems to be painting him as the immature one and she's the mature one. Howard said that's just not right. Courteney said things are the best they've been and they were just at Disney World. Howard said she's separated from him now and this is the best it's been. Howard said that's insulting.
David mumbled something about the relationship that Howard didn't understand. Robin said it's about him getting everything he needs. David said he's much more patient now and he can sit and talk. He used to be up every half hour to stretch his legs and stuff. Howard said most people sit around and get a fat ass.
Courteney talked about the conversations they had at Disney and how she told David he'd find another woman. She said she asked if she could come over and organize the drawers at his place when he does find another woman. Howard said it's all fun and games. David said the family part is the fucked up thing. Howard said it's just weird that she's saying things are so great. They're separated. David said that the problem will be the girl that he hooks up with could get a little catty and Courteney could get upset with that and he could get upset with a dude she hooks up with. Howard said that will happen.
David said if it was one of the guys on Cougar Town he'd be cool with it. Howard said he wouldn't be cool with it. Howard said he's going to find out what's going on with her for David. He said he's been on his mind lately. Howard said if he and Beth were breaking up he'd be livid thinking about her going out with some other guy. David said he used to be super jealous. He would break wine glasses over his head and stuff like that.
Howard asked who he was jealous of. David said things like love scenes she was doing at work. He said he was drunk on wine and smashed the glass on his head. Howard said she should have left him then. David said that was the last time he did that.
Howard said the acting and doing love scenes would make him mental too. David said he knows how guys think so he knows what the guy's she's working with are thinking. He said he likes to find the truth and find the love you have with that person in the scene. He said when it's over you put up the walls but there are hard ons involved. Howard said he's glad he said that. He had a hard on in the scenes he did in Private Parts. He said that actors lie about not having them.
Howard said he understands all of this because Beth did an ABC show where she kissed a guy in a scene. Howard said that was just a kiss. He said she told him that the guy asked if he should put his tongue in her mouth. Howard asked what scene Courteney did where she had the love scene. David said it was called ''The Runner.'' Robin said it's really bad when it's something that no one saw like ''The Runner.''
David said that Courteney did the scene with Ron Eldard. Howard said he knows Ron. He said there's no way she's going to run off with Ron. He said he bets he had a big, thick hard on though.
David said his sisters did love scenes too so he grew up with all of that. He said that his sister Rosanna is the best. He said she's worked with some of the best directors out there. Howard said he should have been with her. David said it's a difficult business. He said she can find work but she's not getting the roles she should be getting.
Howard had the scene with Courteney and Ron. David thanked Baba Booey for getting that for Howard. Howard checked out the scene and said he would have gone berserk if that was his wife. David said you just can't go there. He said it's not worth it because it'll make you crazy.
Howard said David should go out and fuck his brains out to get him passed all of this. David said that's the hard part. He said that girls are emotional and they get feelings for you.
Howard said he forgot about the hard core love scenes. He said they're hard to get through. He said he loves he broke a wine glass over his head though. David said he had to get stitches when he did that. Howard asked how many he had to take. David said it was a bunch.
Howard wondered how that story stayed out of the newspapers. David said he's not sure how that happened. Howard asked if Ron went to the emergency room. David laughed. Howard asked how they did the love scene and why it upset him so much. David said that she was very elusive about the details so that's what upset him. Howard said he heard that some people get so crazy they actually fuck. David said you have to trust people though. He said Courteney is a good girl so he doesn't think that would happen.
Howard wanted to play more of Courteney on Letterman. He said he wanted to get that over with and ask Robin why she won't say where she's going. Robin said she's going by herself into the jungle. Howard asked if she's going on a fact finding mission. Robin said she's not going to say. She said people will figure it out if she keeps talking about it. Howard asked if she got her shots. Robin said she got whatever she needed. Howard told her that she should stay home and relax. Robin said that's what she's been doing the past few months. Now she wants to get out and see the world. Howard said she sent to Guatemala last year. David said South America is great. Robin said it's beautiful down there and in Central America. Howard told her to go to Libya and go see how it is over there.
Howard got back to Courteney on Letterman. He played a clip where Dave asked her about where the relationship will be in the future. She said she doesn't want to rock the boat. She said that David showed up with two little people at the premiere of Scream 4. She said that's the kind of thing he likes doing.
Courteney mentioned that David was on Howard Stern's show a lot and Dave said that's where all of the trouble started. She said she loves Howard and David is just being himself. She said that she didn't think that it was the right thing for him to talk about him hitting on her at Disney. She said he doesn't have the Fastpass for that ride.
David said it's obviously presenting an image on there but it's not necessarily the way things are. He said she kind of set up that joke for the show. He said she's making it come off like he has no pass for that ride but it's not really the way it went down. Howard said it sounds like they were on their way to scoring and it was way more complicated than she made it seem. David said she may not have had the Fastpass for the ride but he was definitely on line.
Howard said David might have been getting close and rubbing over her panties or something. David said it might have been something like that. Howard said then she says ''No, no, no'' and stops him. Howard said he's been in that situation.
David said Jeff Beecher told him about this thing called the magic trick. He said if a girl says no to you then you just whip your dick out. He said that if a chick whips her tits out you're going to want to fuck her. He said it's like that for women when you whip your dick out. Howard said that's not good advice. He said girls don't react to our dicks like guys do to women's tits. David said some girls do. He said there are some very sexual girls out there. Robin said it's girls who want to impress him.
Then Howard read this one where someone said they cried while reading the article. Howard said that was another good one. He said he was relieved. He knew the negatives were coming. Then he read the next one and the writer called him ''Howie'' and said he could take his own advice and just move on and keep it fresh instead of bitching all the time.
Howard said the next one was positive. He read another one where the writer said ''bravo'' to them for putting Howard in he magazine. Howard said the next one was negative. The guy gave it to him about how he was boring and wished they had interviewed Charlie Sheen instead.
Howard said he got blasted twice but it was mostly positive. He said he loves Rolling Stone. He only wants positive things said.
Howard said Power 105 announced the other day that they had made a truce with Mr. Cee and Funkmaster Flex. He said he didn't know the details of the deal but he had audio of them talking about it. Howard played some audio of the Power 105 crew talking about the fight and goofing on Funkmaster Flex.
Howard said he was thinking about this woman who drove herself into the river with her kids. Howard said he read about the 10 year old and how he actually escaped from the car. He said they had said the mother had let him out of the car but it turns out he had to swim out the window. Howard said this kid is a survivor. He swam out of the car with the knowledge of his brothers and sisters dying in there. Howard said the kid got out of the water and a good Samaritan picked him up and took him to the police station. Howard said he told the police the story and that's how it went down. Howard said that's an amazing story.
Howard got back to the Hip Hop wars thing and listened to the audio of the Power 105 crew talking about the white flag that was thrown in and how they're done with the whole thing. They were still goofing on Flex about the ''Hit that bomb!'' thing. They had a song parody made up for the ''Hit that bomb! Turn that bomb off!'' Howard said that was the end of the hip hop war. They didn't need him.
Howard asked how late he was out. David said he was there until 10 or so. He said he went to a charity event after that. Howard asked if there were any chicks there. David said there were some but no one was hitting on him or anything. He went back to his hotel after that.
Howard said that Greg Fitzsimmons was going to be coming in today. He wondered if he was going to be at the Kimmel party. Gary said he knows that Greg is working in New York City this whole weekend so he won't be out there. Howard said there are a lot of people who want to come to this party but he has no input whatsoever. If you're not on the list you don't want to be there anyway.
David told Howard he has to drink at that party. Howard said he may have a drink or two. Howard said his doctor has him all freaked out. David told him to drink Gin. Howard said he's not going to get alcohol advice from David. David laughed and said he should get it from the source.
Howard asked how much he was drinking when he was drinking a lot. David said he would have an endless stream of vodka. Howard asked how he's in such good physical shape after doing that. David said he was pretty bloated. He said he sees this booze bloat going in the scenes in Scream 4. Howard asked how bad it got. He said it was getting pretty bad toward the end. Howard said he has two drinks and he has liver problems and other people can drink like David and not have a problem.
Howard said he didn't know how fucked up David's upbringing was until he saw some stories about him. He said he was beaten with sticks and stuff. He said he'd need a drink too. David said that abuse is a serious thing. Howard said you're damn right it is.
Howard said Rosanna and Patricia were on Oprah's show and they were talking about all of this. He said it was crazy. David said that they all had to go through that stuff. Howard said that the dad was a substance abuser too. David said this stuff happens a lot more than you think. He said people spank their kids and grab them by their arms and stuff. Howard said it's emasculating. David said people think that they're their property and don't realize that they're individuals. He said his mother learned all of that and faced it all. He said he was like 11 and she started working on herself. Robin said that's when he started drinking. David said someone had to pick up the slack.
Howard asked if they stay in touch with their mom. He said she's dead now but they all came to grips with it all. He said his mom wasn't a monster. He said she was doing the best she could. Howard said she choked out one of her kids until they passed out. She stabbed Rosanna. David said she didn't know any better. David said that she learned from all of her mistakes. He said he's not defending what she did but she did change.
Howard asked David what he would do if Courteney stabbed Coco in the arm. David said he'd get really pissed. He said his mom was fucked up and a nut but that doesn't make her a bad person. He said she helped stop the cycle of abuse. He said that he and his sisters don't abuse their kids. He said that's the progression of getting better. He said some people have crackhead parents and awful stuff like that.
Howard said he's proud of his mom for working it all out. David said that when they're on their death bed and you look at each other and forgive each other there's a whole other level of growth there.
Howard came back and said that Maria Menounos wrote a note to Beth asking to get on the show. He said she was on the show one other time in the tickle chair and she went all out for them. Howard said he wanted to let her plug her book ''The EveryGirl's Guide to Life.''
Howard said Maria seems to pretend that she's single and doesn't tell people about her boyfriend. Maria said she tells people when they ask. Gary said that Will was looking for any mention of her boyfriend in articles and there was nothing. Will said that they use a web site called WhosDatedWho and they didn't find any mention other than Vin Diesel. Maria said she's been with Keven her whole adult life. She said that she's known him since they were very young.
Howard asked if he gets upset that she doesn't talk about him. Maria said she doesn't talk about her personal life. She said she tells people that in interviews. David asked ''Is that what you're supposed to say?''
Howard said he'd be proud of who he's dating. Howard said he doesn't get it when they don't want to talk about it. That led to David going off on Maria and all of the tabloids out there for saying anything they want or writing anything they want about them. He said that Howard has let people like him have an outlet. He said that they usually have no say in it. David went on and on about how they can talk about that and about abuse on Howard's show. He said they can bust his balls for being honest but there's so much bullshit in the tabloids and in Hollywood. He said they rip people apart for what they do in the privacy of their own homes. David said they're cowards. David said that Access Hollywood has done that to them and they create these storms and don't take responsibility for it.
Howard said David makes a good point. He said Access Hollywood pretends that they're fair and good and they'll take a tabloid report and report on it. David said that Billy Bush is a fucking asshole and he did that to him. He said he's on Access Hollywood. He said he'd like to see what Billy Bush is doing in his private life. Maria wasn't aware of what he did. Robin said he was the one who said it was wrong for David to go on Howard Stern and talk about this stuff.
Howard said Robin is right. David came on the show and was very honest. He said he didn't want to be painted as the bad husband. Then Billy Bush went on and said it was the wrong place to talk about that stuff. David said that they spin their stuff into whatever they want. He said they made him out to be the cheater. David said ''fuck the tabloids'' and fuck the people who don't look at the truth in themselves.
David said there was a supreme court case where they said it was okay for these crazy, radical religious groups to protest at funerals but they don't report on that. Meanwhile Charlie Sheen's kids are taken away from him for no reason. He said that happened the same day. Maria said she agrees 100 percent with that.
Howard said David is right about that too. He said that the God Hates Fags people didn't get their kids taken away from them.
Maria said that she's very respectful of David and Courteney. David said that they kind of get lumped into the tabloid world. Howard said he watches Access Hollywood. Maria said she thought it was incredibly refreshing to hear David on Howard's show. She said she thinks that Billy was taking it from Courteney's perspective. He may have revealed more than Courteney wanted him to reveal. David said that's what happens on the Howard Stern Show. David said he did let out too much stuff back then but he's a very honest person. Robin said they only took one statement out of that and they didn't talk about how honest he was about how much he loves his wife and things like that.
Maria said she gets it but Billy may not like Howard's show. Howard asked what he doesn't like about his show and if he doesn't like it then don't talk about it.
Howard said he's on David's side in all of this. David said he doesn't dislike Billy but to get on that side of the whole thing isn't right.
Howard said that they called David ''imbecilic'' on Access Hollywood for going on this show. Howard asked who this Tony person is. Maria said that he isn't with them anymore.
Howard said Maria is looking really good these days. He said that she must be on those ''most beautiful'' lists in magazines. She said she did make the People magazine list once.
Howard asked Maria if she's looking for someone better to come along. She said that's not what's going on. She said she wrote the book with him and she talks about her relationship in it. Maria told Howard what's in the book. Maria told Howard about staying in shape and how to keep track of what you eat.
Howard said Maria is really ripped. He said she looks like she might be more ripped now than she did the last time she was there. She said that she is more ripped now. She said she had to work on her abs for an photo shoot she did.
David asked if her boyfriend got upset about the tickle chair. She said that he loves Howard so he wasn't upset. He gets upset when Howard goes on vacation. She said he'll lay in bed crying.
Gary said that Maria's boyfriend is actually there in the green room and he said that he's kind of upset he's been hidden away so long. Maria said she's been dating him since college and she's only been with two people in her life.
Howard had Gary bring in the boyfriend. Keven came in and said that he's so upset that he's been hidden away so long. He told Howard that he's Maria's housewife. Maria said they work together. She said he sideline manages her. Keven said that she's with CAA so he's not really. He said that he used to work at MTV as a writer. He made a film once and that turned out to be a disaster. He said he helped Maria get a job and it took off from there.
Maria said that Keven is a great guy and she found out just days after meeting him. Howard asked if she's this chatty in bed. Maria couldn't believe this was going on.
Howard asked Keven how she is in bed. Maria freaked out and said they had to stop now. Keven said she's great. He sounded like he wanted to talk but Maria didn't want him to. Howard asked if he's ever given her anal. Maria laughed and said no and told Keven not to say anything. Howard asked why she won't admit it. She said she's waiting until she's 40. Howard said Keven gave him the look that they had done it. Maria said she didn't want any rumors to get started. Maria said that Keven says crazy shit all the time just to get a gag. She said it drives her crazy.
Howard asked if she's done anal or not. Maria kept saying no. She said she was going to leave if they kept this up. Maria saw that David had tobasco sauce that he was drinking or something.
Howard asked what Maria does that makes her a freak in bed. Keven said she does all of these shows and she comes off in this way but when she's committed to someone... Howard asked if she's fun in bed. Keven said she's fun and open. Maria said this was so embarrassing.
Howard asked if Keven has a big cock. Keven said he's normal sized. He said she's only been with two guys so she doesn't have a lot to compare it to. Howard asked if they're going to have a baby or does he pull out. Maria kept saying ''Oh my god, oh my god...'' over and over. She was freaking out about every question he asked.
Howard asked if he blows a load on her back. She said no and said she's on birth control. She said she does not want babies right now. She said she doesn't want them for a long time. David told her not to wait too long. Howard said it must be nice to be able to have her whenever he wants but she has to take that pill.
Howard asked what kind of crazy things they've done. Maria said she didn't know. Keven said she has nice clothes she wears and the look is all there. Howard asked if she ever sits on him. She said ''this is not happening right now...''
Keven had Maria hold up her book while they were going over all of that. Howard said that he might give the book to his daughter. Maria had signed one for Beth. Howard said he will buy one for his daughter. Maria said it would be great for her and she should have brought one for her.
Howard said this book sounds good. David asked if it talks about how to make anal more comfortable. Maria didn't answer. Howard asked if she's fully shaved. She didn't say but she said she had a wardrobe malfunction in Miami around New Years. That led to the Howard TV guys showing the picture on the monitors in there. Howard said she's got a cute little vagine. Keven said she was out there playing in the water and she didn't know what was going on. Howard said that's called Side Lippage.
Howard said the funny thing is that she has that big belly button ring. He said she is fully shaved. She said she's waxed. Howard told the guys to turn that off because he was really into it. Maria said she heard about what they paparazzi did to her and she was hoping it was just nipple. She said 4 minutes before the new year's countdown she saw what happened. She said she turned to Keven crying and he just said ''That's a great way to start the new year!''
Maria said that her mother sent some deserts over for everyone. Howard said he doesn't eat home made stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why David is so aggressive with the tabloids. David said that they've had a tough time lately and Billy Bush was one of the guys who did it to them. Keven said that David's interview was great and he thought it was great what he was saying about his wife. He said Billy was way out of line. The caller said he's not buying all of this. Howard said they were talking about his wife and family. David said he has no control over any of it and it's not cool. He said there are no rules and he can't speak the truth about this. Howard said he admires David and he loves him. He said he just needs to get laid.
Howard said he didn't think Maria was that wild but he likes her. Keven said he thinks that she's a lot like Beth from what he's read. He said she's fun and sexy and a good girl. David asked if they think they'll ever have a resentment since Keven put his career to the side. Keven said it does bubble up. He said there is resentment at times.
Howard said Keven must not like it when Maria calls him the bum of the house. Keven said he has worked some brutal jobs over the years. He said he was a carnival worker for years and when people try to get him to cry on the air about the show not being about him. He said he doesn't mind living in a mansion and having this hot girlfriend. He said he gets to listen to Howard Stern every morning so it's good. Howard asked why they haven't married. Keven said it's because he's not successful and he's not a star. Maria said he's totally kidding. She said this is the stuff he says. Howard asked if he generates any income. He said nothing other than what Maria pays him.
David said he thinks that the resentment will come up. Keven said it does come up but they talk about it. David said they have to do that or it's going to ruin things.
Howard asked Maria who has come on to her. She said that she wouldn't say. She said that her parents worked together their whole lives. She and Keven work together. She said she produced his movie and they do stuff for each other. They both help each other out. Keven said he likes his life. Maria said they really do work together and he works harder than she does. Maria said that she supports Keven and her family.
Howard said he must want to marry her. Keven said of course he wants to. He said he jokes about how he thinks he can do better with his friends though. Maria said that he's her best friend and he's right there helping her all the time. Howard asked if she can have an orgasm and if she can cum vaginally. She said of course she can. She asked if they could stop talking about that.
Keven said that she cums every time they're together. Maria asked if they could please stop talking about this. Howard asked if he can get her off with his mouth. He said he can of course. Maria asked again to please stop talking about this.
Howard asked if Maria likes receiving oral sex. She said she can't talk about that stuff. Howard said she wants to promote her book. He said she's a more beautiful woman now that he knows she can cum vaginally. Howard said the fact that she enjoys oral sex is great. He said there's nothing wrong with what she's saying. Howard said Robin does the same thing. He said she talks about her vibrator collection.
Howard asked if she uses a vibrator. She said she can't talk about that. Keven said she's not afraid to use one. Maria told him that she can't talk about that.
Howard asked Maria if a woman should be ashamed to use a vibrator. She said of course not. Howard asked if she uses a pocket rocket. She said she's not going to talk about that. Maria kept saying ''this is not happening...'' Howard asked if bukakke was off the table. Maria said they really just have to stop.
Howard said Maria is a lovely woman. He said they learned that she only had 2 lovers in her life, she uses vibrators, she refused anal, she enjoys putting on heels and more. Keven asked if they ever got through the anal. Maria yelled at him to stop messing around. She said he's going to get a beating later. She said they're going to end up in the tabloids for being in a domestic abuse.
Howard said Maria must have gotten hit on a lot in college. Keven said she was like 40-50 pounds heavier back then.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to have gone to school with Maria. He said he's married with kids now but he thinks that she's the hottest chick now. He said he would want to hit on her but she'd bolt out of the class as soon as it was over. He said that was back in 1999 and she wouldn't get dressed up or anything back then. Howard said now she's flashing her vagina in Miami.
Howard said Maria is going to be signing her book at Bookends in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Howard asked if they like to have sex in public places. She said they don't do that. She always wears panties too. Howard said he thinks that they sold a lot of books today. You can find out more of her signing dates at Bing.com/Maria
Howard asked Keven if Maria talks dirty. Keven said she enjoys it. Maria said that she's leaving. Howard said she can leave if she wants. They have Keven there so that's all they need. Maria said they need to keep this stuff private. Keven said she'd be fine talking to Oprah about this.
Howard asked if Keven can tell her to give him her hot pussy. Maria was freaking out again. She didn't want them to talk about that stuff. She changed subjects and said that Keven is the one who did the movie ''Serial Buddies'' that has Richard Christy and Artie Lange in. Kathie Lee Gifford is also in it. Keven said he'd like to get Howard and Kathie Lee together. He said they'd like each other a lot of they got to know each other. He said working with her was great. He said she was willing to drop the F-bomb like crazy. Keven said they have a lot of great people in the movie.
Howard asked if she enjoys giving Keven oral. She told Keven not to make a move. She said he will not get laid again if he answers. Howard asked why it's so bad to say that she likes oral. Keven said she doesn't like it and he's not upset about it. He said she doesn't enjoy it but she will do it. Maria told him that she's going to stuff his mouth with Baklava right now. Keven said she's never said she doesn't like it but he gets the feeling she doesn't. Maria said they have to stop talking about this. She got really serious and told him not to talk about it.
Maria said there are levels of doing things. She wouldn't elaborate on that. Howard asked if she's afraid that he's going to finish in her mouth. Maria said she's not talking about this. She said she loves Howard but this has to stop. Howard asked if she's wearing a bra. She said she was.
Keven said that women love getting oral but not giving it. David was laughing his ass off seeing the way Maria was reacting. Howard asked why she won't give it to him. Maria said she loves Howard and told him to thank Beth for getting her on the show.
Howard asked Maria if a woman should give her man oral. She said that women should keep their man happy and that's it from there. She asked Keven if he's happy. Keven said he is. Howard said he's looking at Maria's lips and thinking it's such a waste. Howard asked if she's modeled. Maria said she has a little bit.
Howard asked when he last got oral. Keven thought about it and Maria told him they had to get going. Keven said Howard has to ask with his eyes and he'll answer like he has been. David told her to give him a birthday blow job. That would be nice. Maria kept saying ''Oh my god...'' over and over.
Howard gave Maria another plug for her book ''The EveryGirl's Guide to Life'' and said he had just flipped through it and it looks like something great for his daughters. He said it looks like a good reference book for young ladies. Howard gave her some more plugs for her signing dates and all of that too. Howard said that they've said too much so he went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Maria Menounos really has an odd laugh. He said Richard took all of her laughs and strung them all together.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that interview was awesome. He said that he can't wait to hear it again. He said it was great to hear her telling Howard to stop. Another caller said he knows that Howard could have gotten her on the Sybian. Howard said he doesn't think so.
The caller said that she has a stud in her clit. He said he saw the picture online and he blew it up and saw the piercing. Howard had the guys put that back up so he could look at it again. Howard said he can't tell from that picture. The guy said that if you zoom in you can see it. Fred said he thinks that he's just thinking he can see it. Fred thought it was a water droplet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the interview with Maria was great. He said he really got everything out of her. Mariann from Brooklyn said that she said ''Oh my god'' so many times that they should make a game out of it. She said she has 3 girls for David to date too. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Another caller said she loves David and Artie. She said that she thinks David could fill that chair for Artie. David said no one can fill that chair. She said David is great but she agrees no one could replace Artie. She was also wondering where Robin is going. Robin said people should try to guess where she's going. Howard said she won't say where but he knew it was some shitty third world country. Robin said she didn't say he was right. Howard asked how long she's going. She said she'll be away for a week.
Howard said he's afraid that Robin will come back and be tired and resentful. Robin said she's not resentful. Howard told her to go somewhere nice and get a massage instead. He said she needs a vacation. Robin said she'll be fine.
Robin said that Howard would faint if he heard what she's doing. She said that she won't tell him until it's over. Howard asked if she's going to Afghanistan. Robin didn't answer. She just laughed. Howard said there's a song about that actually. He played that song that Richard did. Howard said Robin must not be going there. Robin said she's not saying she's going there. Howard asked if she's out of her mind. Robin said she never said she was going there. Howard said she's searching for some answer but he's not sure what that is.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of ''I Feel Free'' that was inspired by the Foo Fighters cover of the song. Howard said this is the best version of the song. He said that was from Dan the song Parody Man. He said he's awesome.
Howard said he played a clip of a girl singing on the internet yesterday. He said it was heartbreaking because she's not good. He said he has another one of the same girl singing ''Poker Face.'' He played that one and it was even worse than the other song. Howard said he's a fan. He said her version of ''Don't Stop Believing'' was the best. He played some of that too.
Howard said he wanted to give a plug for a TV show he watched. He said Jason Ellis' show ''Ellis Mania'' was great. He said he loved it. It's just a half hour show and they beat the shit out of each other on the show. He said that it was great. He said they had a band on the show that he beat the shit out of one by one. He said it was great. He said he figures it must be like what goes on at Beecher's Madhouse. David said he'll have to check it out.
Howard said the new X-Men movie trailer came out and he has to see this movie. He said it's the origins of Magneto and Dr. Xavier. Howard said he watched the trailer like 15 times. Jason sent him the link to it and he loved it.
Howard said he was loading his iPad again and he loves it. Howard said he got the entire season of The Munsters and watched like 5 episodes so he went on and downloaded 5 more to his iPad. Howard said he's now an expert at doing all of this. Howard said he has The Walking Dead entire first season on there too. Robin told him to download ''Being Human'' because that's great too. She said there's a British version and a Canadian version and they're both great.
Howard said he got Fringe and some other things. He also downloaded a Justice League cartoon. He said these people on the plane are going to think he's nuts. Howard said he has a lot to watch on that thing.
Howard said he forgot that Greg was at the firsts Kimmel party last year. He won't be there this year. Greg said he's doing some shows at Caroline's this week so he won't be out there. Greg said he has his radio show podcast to do too. He said he has to do some commercial reads and stuff for that. Greg said he has some big numbers for his podcast but he wasn't sure if he should say how many downloads he has. He said he's got one of the most downloaded podcasts but Adam Carolla has the biggest. Greg said Adam gets hundreds of thousands for every show he does.
Greg told Howard how he makes money with the podcast and what kind of advertisers he has on the show. He has one called Man Grate which is like a grate for your barbecue. He said they pay him a certain way but there are different ways to get paid. He said he dos turn down some stuff. He said he turned down AdamAndEve.com. He said he looks at the copy and he has a hard time with it. He said it's just not good for him. He said Howard can read that kind of stuff and he can't. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with that company. He said the only stuff he would turn down are cigarette ads. Howard said people want to sell things so he does the ads.
Howard asked if he's making six figures at this point. Greg said he thinks he's crawling over that now. He said he has some deals going on for writing for TV shows and stuff too. He said he has a deal with Nickelodeon and a VH-1 deal. He said they pay him money and he writes a script and then they give him notes and he rewrites it.
Howard asked if he'd have a show with David Arquette. Greg said he thinks that they'd be afraid to give him a show. David said he had an offer for something.
Howard asked Greg about writing for Jamie Foxx. Greg said they had some problems with the show and they asked him to jump in an help. Howard asked how they know to hire him. Greg said he's written for black shows before so he's know as the black writer. He said he's not sure why that is. He said he did write for Cedric the Entertainer so that might be why.
Greg said they have all black writers on the Jamie Foxx show and he walks in. He said that they're hard core black guys and it's him and one other white guy, Hugh Fink. He said that the first day they walked in and said he was going to be the head writer and they asked if it was because they were white. Greg joked that it was the reason and it's so sweet being white. He said he had the guys laughing after that. Greg said he had a sketch for the guys where this guy is blaming a puppet for doing racist jokes and Jay Leno is interviewing the guy. He said it was a great idea but none of the other writers thought it was good. The show is over so that will never make it to the air. Greg said he had a great time doing it. He said they didn't like a lot of his ideas but he had fun doing it.
Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars and one of the judges was a British guy. He said something to this Little Romeo kid that he had to ''crack the whip on this boy'' and he knew that was going to cause problems. He said that you just can't say things like that to blacks in this country. He said he felt a chill go up his backbone when he heard that.
Greg told Howard about a kid he grew up with by the name of Dwayne. He said that he would pretend that he could kick his ass and he'd tell him to stop as a bit. He said that the kid started to hang with the older kids and he tried to do the bit with him and Dwayne ended up picking him up and dropping him on his back. He said he forgot about the bit.
Howard asked Greg about the anger issues he has and why he got pulled over recently. Greg said he was doing a stand-up gig in a bad part of town. David asked if he picked up a transvestite. Greg said he didn't but he has thought about picking one up just to talk to. He said he would like to talk to them. Howard said Greg once thought about getting blown by a guy just to find out if he was gay or not. He said that's the kind of weird stuff he would do. Greg said he finds it hard to believe that David hasn't had that kind of run in. David said he's really never had that. He said he was afraid that he could be gay but he found that he had no attraction to men. He said that his brother was gay so that made him wonder.
David asked how old Greg was when he had the gay thing going on. Greg said he was 19. David said that he was talking about when he was like 12 thinking about the gay thing. Greg said that Jim Norton talked about getting it from a tranny. Howard said he ran into Jim out in the hall the other day and he had no idea. He said he didn't say anything about the tranny. Greg said he has never been attracted to guys.
Howard told Greg he should talk to Greg's brother who is a transvestite. Greg said he calls her his sister. He said she's performing at Beecher's Madhouse this weekend actually. He said she sings and she'll be there on Saturday. Howard said he has to come in there with her once. David asked if he will be around on Saturday night out there in L.A. Howard said he's going to a wedding.
Greg asked Howard how many weddings he turns down. Howard said he goes to a few a year. Greg mentioned his podcast again so Howard said that he finds them to be kind of hard to listen to because people can't call in and hear what's happening. Greg said they take Twitter questions and stuff like that so it's not like he thinks.
Howard said he heard that Greg took a shit in a car. Greg said this was the story he started earlier. He said he was at that club in the shitty neighborhood. He said he had a stomach thing going on and he knew he had only a short time to get to a bathroom. He said he found a dark alley and figured he'd just hang it. He said he went into this alley where there were security cameras so he kept moving. He got back into the car and he decided to just go home. He said he picked up an empty coffee cup and smelled the coffee. He said that was like a cue to shit. He said he had a truck next to him and an SUV on the other side. He said he did this anyway and put the cup under his ass. He said he shit in the cup and the shit was full to the top of the cup with not overflow. He said he did a little twirl at the top and cut it off. Greg said he put it in the cup holder and looked for a place to throw it out. He said he pulled over and was about to throw it out and there were a bunch of homeless guys around. He kept driving. Greg said he was all over the place on the road and then a cop was an inch behind him. He still had the shit in the car and hadn't wiped his ass yet. He said the cop peeled off and he found a place to throw the shit out. He said he never got out of his car. Greg said he's a nice person and didn't want to just throw the cup of shit on the ground.
Howard said Greg is up to great things and he'll be at Caroline's on Broadway this weekend. He said his Fitzdog App is on Android now. He said it'll be available on iTunes soon. Greg said it lets you download his podcasts and follow him on Twitter in the same app. He said a company called Mediafly did this for him and the app is free. Howard wrapped up and went to brake.
Howard came back and played Maria's laugh clips again. Howard said she sounded like Woody Woodpecker a little bit. He had some edited clips of her at the end of the Woody laugh.
Ass Napkin Ed called in but he wasn't there when he picked up. He picked up a short time later. Howard asked if he's not talking to Debbie the Pet Lady now. Ed said they're not talking now. He said he has another situation going on too. Howard asked how bad things got with Debbie. Ed said he was calling her show and she didn't want him calling it anymore. He said he has her messages where she told him to call her so the cops aren't going to do anything. He said he has it all recorded.
Howard picked up on Debbie who was screaming as he picked up. She yelled at Howard to put her on the line now.
Ed said he has a whole other situation going on. He said he has a girlfriend who he's cheating on. Debbie said he's a liar and he's lying again. She said he's a liar and told him to keep lying. She apologized to Howard for yelling. Howard said he had to move on but Debbie was screaming. Howard said this was the girl he found for David. He said this wouldn't work out. Ed told him to hang up on her and talk to him about his problem. Howard said he really has to go. He told them he really had to go.
Debbie was screaming and said she had to talk to Howard. Howard said she can call in anytime. She was very had to understand because she was screaming so much.
Howard told Ed he didn't have time for this problem he has. Ed said he loves Howard. He said he loves David too. Howard told him to just stay faithful and he'll be fine.
Howard asked David what happened with the car crash he was in. David said he ended up swerving into another car when he came up on another guy who was cut off by someone else. He said he fucked his chest up for a long time after that. He said he had a slow heart rate and passed out. He said he didn't have his seat belt on. David said he was like 50/50 with the belt before that. Now he wears it all the time. Howard thought Courteney went to the hospital but she was out of town. David said he called her and she was crying when they told her what happened. Howard told him to wear his seat belt. David said he's a lot more cautious now.
David said they gave him a blood test and he refused all pain medication. He said that he was sober. Howard said it was good that he was sober.
Jon mentioned Robin's vacation and how Howard thinks it's going to be in some shitty third world country. Robin said she never said it was a shitty third world country. They also talked about David's story about smashing a wine glass on his own head.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said he'll be talking about Eric the Midget and the discussions they've been having about him lately. Howard said he wants Eric to be happy so if he doesn't want to call in then that's fine. Mutt said they'll also talk about Debbie the Pet Lady and how she thinks that he's been keeping her off the Stern Show. He said she'll be calling into his show too. He said they'll talk about David being on the show this week too.
Robin said that Curtis Sliwa is against the making of this John Gotti movie because he was a victim of their family crime. He wants the city to ban them from making the movie there in New York.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Greg Fitzsimmons sucks and he doesn't get why he has him on the show. The guy asked if he had even heard Greg's show. Howard said he has heard some of it and he thinks he's great on the show. The caller said he's like a male yenta. Howard said he liked the stories Greg told today. He was fascinated with him today. The caller said that's just Howard because he can bring that out of people. The caller said Greg's show is really boring and in JD's words he finds it to be the ''most boringest.''
Robin got back to her news and read about Catherine Zeta Jones admitting herself into the hospital for Bipolar disorder. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who was playing the part of Courteney Cox. He did that for a minute before Howard let him go and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read more about Catherine Zeta Jones. She also had a story about Jennifer Lopez and how she was named the most beautiful woman.
Robin read about this woman who killed herself and 3 kids when she drove her car into a river. Robin said that she had called her father before it happened. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about hearing the news from her mother about what happened.
Robin said that another air traffic controller nodded off in Reno, Nevada. Robin said that the FAA is beefing up their staffing at the airports in those midnight shifts. Howard said he can't fall asleep at work. He wishes he could. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about what the FAA is doing.
Robin read a story about a jumbo jet that hit another smaller jet at an airport there the other day. Howard said he can't wait to fly.
Robin said Barry Bonds was found guilty of obstruction of justice. They weren't so sure about the perjury charges though. Robin said they're not sure if he lied about taking the steroids or not. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read more about Barry Bonds and how these charges weren't about the steroids. She had some audio of his attorney talking about that.
Robin read about the FBI getting involved in the serial killer investigation there in Gilgo Beach. Robin said they have found up to 10 sets of human remains. Howard said there was someone who had a theory about Benjy being the killer. Benjy denied having anything to do with that.
Robin read about a woman who was beaten by a man and no one did anything as they saw it going on.
Robin read about a kid who is being honored for saving another student's life when a driver barreled through a cross walk. The kid pulled the other kid out of the way of the car. Howard said he was a hall monitor and he didn't do anything to help anyone. Howard said this was in 5th grade and the teachers were scared of this one kid. He said the teachers told him to do something about the kid since they were afraid of him. He said he found out recently that the guy died in prison.
Robin said that Stephen Colbert has launched a campaign to goof on John Kyl and he's been Tweeting inaccurate facts (#NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement)about him. Howard said he's never seen that show and he wonders if anyone watches it. He said it seems very political. He said he doesn't watch those shows. Howard said he watches cartoons so he must be a moron or something. Robin said that Stephen is making fun of Kyl for claiming that 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. The actual figure is 3 percent. Howard said maybe he should watch the show. Robin said it's very funny.
Ralph called in and said that Maria Menounos is so hot but he's not sure he could put up with that laugh. Howard said he'd tell her to tone it down if he was with her. He said she can control it. Howard said he would never crack a joke to keep her from laughing. Ralph said he can just imagine her doing that in a movie theater with a funny movie. Howard said he could put up with it because she's so hot. Howard said he's not sure he could put up with her not blowing him either.
Robin read that Kobe Bryant was fined for using an anti-gay slur. They spent a minute talking about that and they were saying that he was just using it on the court and not really aiming it at a gay person.
Robin read about Peter Frampton working on a new album with William Shatner. Howard said he likes that the music industry is doing so poorly and he thinks that he's going to sell albums. Robin had some audio of Shatner singing some stuff from many years ago. Howard said that's called interpretive reading.
Robin read about an auction house that's selling off John Lennon's written notes for songs. Robin said they say they should fetch upwards of $200,000. Howard asked if they were on a garbage bag. Robin said they were on sheet music.
Robin read about an unseen interview with Jerry Garcia that's going to be shown in theaters next Wednesday. Robin had a little Grateful Dead to play but none of that interview. Howard said he's not into them.
Howard said he was going to do Maria Menounos vs. Seth Rogen. He had their two laughs that they had battling. Howard said just imagine if they got married.
Robin read about the movie Scream 4 and had some audio of Courteney Cox talking about that. Howard told avid to take it easy, the answer isn't at the bottom of a bottle.
Howard asked Courteney why she rejected David at Disney World. She said that it was in the morning so it was a bad time. She said that he could never put his arms around her without getting a boner. It didn't matter what it was, he'd get a boner. Howard said that David needs to get in touch with what she needs. He said that he can't just put his arm around her and get a boner and think he can have sex.
David said that she was exaggerating about that. Howard said he knows what she means. Howard said he's always boned up with Beth. He said he has to keep it under control so he seems more interested in her. He has to hear what she's saying. Howard said maybe he needs to whack off before he sees her. David asked if he could do it right now.
Davis said he thinks that they know it's over and they really have to just figure out their next steps. Courteney said that was really heavy. David said that if things could work out then she would have wanted him. Courteney said not at that hour. She said she could turn anyone away at that hour.
Courteney said that David likes to do the opposite things that she likes to do. She said she likes to stay home and he likes to go out. She said she likes to have people over but he likes to go out and dance. Howard said he doesn't like to go out either. He said when Beth goes out he's fine with that. He said he wants to stay home and watch movies and eat good food.
Courteney said she doesn't want to hold David back. Howard asked if she's had sex with anyone. She said she really hasn't. The guys she works with don't want to get involved with this whole mess either. Howard said when they're on vacation with her and Coco then it looks like they want her. Courteney said she thinks that they like David too much to get involved with. She said they're more like emotional friends. She said David has friends like that too.
Courteney said they get along better now than they were before. She said that this week has been crazy. She said that David is really fired up today. Howard said he's fired up because he sat him down to talk about this. He said he wants her back. Courteney said he's happier now than he was before. She said that he has shit going on at his house that she wouldn't live with. She said that's what she wants for him.
Howard asked if she remembers him breaking the wine glass over his head. She said she did and that was very mature of him. Howard said it was very immature. He said he saw the scene she did and he thinks it was just too much for David. She said he needs to learn more coping skills. That's what he's doing now.
Howard said David was trying to tell him that Courteney has problems too. She said that he's the most amazing guy. She said that she doesn't give a shit if he comes on this show and tells his stories. She said that he's an honest, great person and he didn't do anything wrong. She said that they're great friends now and that's what she was saying on Letterman last night. Howard said it sounds like they're going to be better friends than being a couple. She said that might be what ends up happening.
Courteney said she's not sure that they can take it to that different level again. She said she wouldn't want to go through this again. She said she wants it to be the right decision. Courteney asked if David would want to go through it again. David said they could compromise. He said he could stay home some nights and go out other nights.
Courteney said it sounds vulnerable and sweet but when they go to therapy they have a lot of resentments. She said that she's not sitting in the driver's seat, he is. Courteney said they don't want to break up the family but that will never happen. David said he loves her. He said he doesn't mean to not be on her side. She said it was fine. She said this is like therapy.
Howard said he knows that Beth needs her space. He said he's fine with her going out. He said he thinks that they could be the same way. David said they are very different and they aren't compatible in that way.
Howard said David has to move on. He said this is killing him. David said they really have to figure this out. He said he's out with other women and he can't open up to them. Courteney said she just wants him to be happy. She said that she wants to figure it out either way but David needs a decision either way but maybe they need to be with other people and get together sometime in the future.
Howard asked if she's really not that horny to be with other dudes. She said she's really not like she used to be. Howard asked when she last had sex. Courteney said it was a long time ago. Howard asked if she uses a vibrator. She said she does when she has to. Howard asked who she thinks about. She said women don't have to think about things. David asked if Courtney would ride the Sybian. She said she might need one at home. David said it would be great if he could get her on there and tell her to get the poison out of her system.
Howard told Courteney how hot she looked on Letterman last night. She thanked him for that. Courteney said that David looks really great and she thinks that he's beautiful. Howard asked if she thinks about him while masturbating. She said she really doesn't think about anything when she's masturbating.
Howard asked Courteney if she was connecting with him at Jimmy Kimmel's party last time. She said they were connecting and David interrupted. David said he didn't do that on purpose.
Howard asked Courteney if she thought about getting out of the marriage when he smashed the wine glass on his head. She said she didn't then but there were times when she thought about breaking up with him early on. She said that she drove to his house once to break up with him and he was busy spray painting in the house with some friends and David didn't even know their names. She said he's so charming that they ended up having sex so she didn't break up with him.
Howard asked David if he would go back to the situation now. David said they have a family together and she makes him laugh like no one else. He said they could live a life together. He said there could be more compatible people out there. He said that she could find someone who makes her more comfortable and maybe there's someone out there for him. Howard asked if it would freak her out if David started dating Jennifer Aniston. Courtney said it would be weird. She said it would be a great story though.
Howard asked if David could get her. Courteney said she thinks that she cares too much about her to let that happen. Howard said that would make it hard for him to get her. Howard said he has a big penis though. Courteney confirmed that. Howard asked if he's the biggest she's had. Courteney said there was one other person. She said David is second biggest.
Howard asked if it was Michael Keaton. Howard said she went to visit him when they broke up. She said that didn't happen. David said he's trying to cause problems. Howard said he thinks that she's imagining a life with someone that's unbelievable. She said that she may never find that.
Courteney said she's more hopeful about David's life and him finding someone to be with. She said that she likes to sleep alone but she gets scared. She has locks all over and she has people around her. She said Coco sleeps in the bed with her too. Howard said that's not healthy.
Howard said he liked the shots of her tittie popping out in some pictures he saw. Courteney said she knew it had happened but she just put it back in and kept going. Howard asked if it makes her crazy that the paparazzi gets that when she could have posed for Playboy and gotten millions. She said it bothers her now that Howard asked.
Howard asked why she didn't invite David to St. Barts with her and her friends. She said that she was going with her girlfriend's but Josh wanted to go too. She said she didn't think it through with David. She said that it was going to be her, Coco and another friend. She said that Coco loves the guys she works with on the show. She loves Josh too. Howard said he thinks that this guy Josh is working her. She said he's so not. David said he likes Josh a lot and he wants her to be happy so if it happens then that's fine. He said he knows they're not together though.
Howard asked if Josh calls her at night. She said he texts her about stuff sometimes. He's a friend. Howard asked if he asks what she's wearing. She said that he never does. David said that his friends ask if he wants them to ice this guy. David said it's tough to see him with his daughter and that's going to be the tough part of this whole thing.
Courteney said that even David would ask Josh to take Coco swimming. She said she was so happy to have people helping her out with Coco since she didn't have a nanny there. Howard said he thinks that she's just preparing him for another relationship.
David said there is a mourning and a loss thing that he has to go through. He said he may have done things to ruin his marriage. He said they talk about doing the same thing 15 years ago.
David said that the girls he's gone out with have looked like Courteney. She said that they really do look like a younger, hotter version of her. Courteney said that David says he wants to be with her the rest of his life but he's not dating 50 year olds. He's dating younger women. Howard said he was hitting on Martha Stewart just the other day. She dared him to go out with her.
Howard asked if she was upset that he was out dating. She said that she wasn't upset. She said she understands it and he may have been doing it to make himself feel better and not just to hurt her.
Courteney said they are opposites. She said it's hard for her to try and stop him from following his dreams. As a friend she can help him do that and not try to stop him. Courteney said they got into a fight one other time and he got mad at her and took home two other girls. David said that was before they got married though.
Howard asked Courteney if she would be with another woman for David. She said she wouldn't do that for any reason. She said she's not into that.
Robin said they heard about Courteney and David going to counseling and they always said it wouldn't work. David said you have to work on relationships. He said men and women are just too different. She said her driver has been married for 41 years and they have separated 4 tines. She said that things could work out some day. She said that she doesn't want him to shut her out of his life because she loves him too much. She said that David says that would be a deal breaker if the woman wouldn't let her be part of his life. David said a woman would have to understand that.
Howard asked if he's going to ask Jesse J out. David said he won't do that. He said he feels like a geek ball for even talking about that. Howard told David to tell Courteney how he really feels. David said that they'll both date other people and it might be tough on both of them.
Courteney said she's fine with David going out and having fun. She wondered if her publicist is going to kill her when she walks out today. Howard said she will.
Howard asked Courteney who she finds attractive. Courteney asked David who she does. Howard wanted her to answer. She said that she would go with someone who is not realistic at all. She said she has a talent crush on Christian Bale. Howard said ''Oy vey...'' She said he's married and young and it's just a talent crush. David yelled ''Oh good for you!'' He did his best Christian Bale impression for a few seconds. Fred played some audio of Bale screaming on the set of Terminator.
Howard asked Courteney if she would date a black man. She said that Tone Loc kissed her once. Howard said that he'd break a whole wine bottle over his head if she dated a black man. Howard said that he had to get going. He asked Robin if she was done. Robin said she was.
Howard asked Courteney if she would date Jim Carrey. She said she had crush on him. She said she may have made out with him. Howard asked why she didn't have sex with him. He was in a relationship at the time. She said she didn't make out with him. Howard got in live commercial for Caesar's Casino as he wrapped up that interview. He said he had to come to a conclusion with the interview though.
Howard finished up the live commercial and got back to David and Courteney. Howard said he was pretending to be Courteney the other day with David. He said that he loved having her on the show today. He said he would like to see them back together again. He said that he knows David would like to stay home with her and get back together. He said he'd be more into her than the midgets like David is.
Howard said he'd like to see both of them at the Kimmel party. Howard asked if Courteney misses her sister in laws. She said that she does. She loves the whole family. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am. He said he hopes that they all have a great vacation.
Gary said David had mentioned to him that Courteney might come in. He said that he came to him before the show and handed him a piece of paper with the publicist's name and number on it. He said he called the publicist and she was whispering. It turns out they didn't want to wake Coco up. Gary said he had to work things out to get them in there on time. He said he didn't tell anyone but Ronnie. Ronnie got them in the system and told JD to let him know when she was done with the show she was on. Gary said he told an intern to go down and get her in the back door. He said that everyone wanted Howard to be surprised when she came in. Howard had his head turned when she walked in and everyone was surprised when she walked in.
Benjy said he was hoping for Jesse J. He said he saw her come in and she looks so hot. He said he couldn't believe who it was.
Gary said that it hit him for the first time that this is their first interview together since they broke up. He said they're Tweeting photographs and stuff and they were both very comfortable speaking on the air.
Jon said that this was a fantastic thing to happen. He said it got very real after a couple of minutes. He said that Courteney seemed to be saying that they both need to live their lives and David may not be ready for that. Gary said he was getting that too. He said Courteney didn't think it was going to go there but it did. Jon said that it was Howard at his best today.
Benjy said he thinks that they really do love each other. He said he wonders if Courteney is ready to break up but she needs David to start dating first. Gary said that they're very different people and they know that. He said even when Howard said that they were going to set David up with someone she was saying that maybe he needs someone more whimsical than her.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the things that they were going over today and how Courteney was saying that she didn't want to be David's mother anymore. Gary said they clearly love each other and he thinks that they've figured out that they're going to be attached the rest of their lives because of the kid. They're trying to work that out.
Jon said they had that whole discussion about the other person being comfortable with the person they're with. He said that David said that any woman he's with will have to accept that Courteney is going to be part of his life for a very long time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when you listen to the show you hear different things. He said that David is in denial and Courteney is on her way to independence. He said it's obvious that they're going to break up. Benjy said he thought it was interesting that Courteney was saying that David is saying that he's begging her but that's not really what's going on. The caller said he doesn't think that Courteney is there for him. Jon said there is something there between them. He said you can see there is deep love. He said he's not sure if David is in denial or if he just can't figure out what the next step is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that was a home run today getting her in there. Gary said David was behind it so he can't take the credit for that.
The caller asked if the publicist was upset about what went on. Gary said she was very cool about the whole thing and she had no problems whatsoever. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard isn't evolved as much as these two and he seems to be jealous of them. Gary said that he might be right about that. He said Howard is very to the point and he thinks that what's done is done and that's it. He doesn't see anything happening with them getting back together.
Jon wanted to move on to Maria Menounos. He said that he was glad she came in today. Jon asked how she ended up on the show today. Gary said on Tuesday Maria was up there promoting her book and he ran into her. He said that yesterday he got an email from her asking if she could get squeezed in. He said they were kind of busy and he asked Howard what he wanted to do. He said they talked about getting her in there to talk about the boyfriend thing. He said that she's very likeable and they could just see how it goes. He said Howard was thinking that they could set her up with David but that went out the window immediately.
Gary said he likes to take chances on guests and the interview went amazing today. Jon said it was the quintessential Howard Stern interview. He said they found out she does have a boyfriend and it turns out he was there with her today. Gary said he didn't even know who he was. He said he ran to see who signed releases and he saw it was ''Keven'' so he asked if that was him. Gary said he was a funny guy too. Gary said that David was yelling at Maria for being a reporter by the time he found that out.
Jon asked if it's weird for her not to bring up the boyfriend thing. Gary said he knows people do that. Stuttering John used to do that when he'd play in his band. He would tell his girlfriend not to tell anyone he was going out with her.
Jon said Keven was there so he asked him about the stuff he was talking about today. Keven said he's a huge fan of the show and he would tell him anything he wants to know. Gary said the best part was when Howard was wrapping up and he brought up the anal thing again. Maria yelled at him for bringing that up. Keven said she was really mad about that too. He said that 99 times out of 100 it's funny and that one time it's not funny was with the anal or the oral thing today. He said that she didn't think it was funny.
Keven said that he got out of there and came back there and she told him that he can't do anymore talking to anyone. He said this is like the make a wish foundation for him. He said that he told her he's going back to see Richard. He said he didn't want to go to anymore women's shows. He said she will find out about this but he had to come back.
Keven said he didn't deny the anal thing and he didn't bring it up. He said that he should be fine. Keven said he's been ''hidden away'' because it's nice for one of them to be able to go out to a movie or something. He said he can enjoy his life if he goes out on his own. He said Maria couldn't lie about the relationship in the book. He said he had a nice 13 year run until he came on the Howard Stern Show.
The guys asked Keven about guys hitting on Maria. Keven said he likes it when guys do that. He said there are some big names too. Gary said he knew that she had a boyfriend because he knew a guy who wanted to date her and he found out about him.
Gary said that Keven had a line on the show today that made him and Jon laugh. He said that she was like a project planner when he met her when she was 40-50 pounds heavier. Jon asked how it's going to go down tonight when they get together. Keven said he thinks that everything will keep her distracted so she'll be in a good mood tonight.
Gary said that he can use the ''it was for Howard'' excuse with her. Jon said that she had said that people come on the show and talk about stuff that they don't talk about in there. Then a few minutes later she and Keven were doing that. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Greg said that he finds himself taking those calls of people who are pissed. He said that they're the people who are listening to the show though. Gary said that he finds Twitter to be the SternFanNetwork for him. He said he ends up deleting people over it. He said he's gotten used to it though. Greg said that people never say stuff right to your face. He said that can really hurt but it almost never happens.
Jon asked Greg if he's upset that Howard doesn't remember he was at the Kimmel party. Greg said he'd rather be the guy who is forgotten than the guy who is remembered for doing something wrong.
Greg said that he thought it was weird that David sniped him and said that he was gay when he talked about trying to find out if he was gay.
Greg said it was cool at Jimmy's party about how he got a hug from Howard. He said Howard was the one who was initiating conversation there too. Gary said he thinks that Howard was so touched that they had the party that he was just letting them know how he felt.
Greg said when you hear David Arquette talking about being on the show he's full of praise. He said he's a superfan of the show. Greg said that there are people out in Hollywood who are superfans. He said he hadn't been to a party that good in like 20 years. He said he had a blast at that Kimmel party and he figured this one can't be that special again. He said he won't be there this time and he's not that upset because it can't be that good again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hates Benjy commenting about Howard like he's his girlfriend or something. He said he likes Benjy but he hates a guy like Jay Thomas because he has that same speech pattern as Benjy. He said he thinks that Greg should be doing mornings on Friday instead of Jay Thomas. Greg said he loves Jay but there is a lot of real estate there for him to do more time. Gary asked if he could do 4 hours a day. Greg said he'd like to try it. He said that he and Tim were hammering out a contract to do one but by the time they did that it had expired. Greg said they have all of these open hours so maybe they should try 2 hours. He said he gets some great guests out there in L.A. He said he could do 4 hours once a week or something like that. Greg doesn't think he could do what Bubba did or anything like that. He said he could do it once or twice a week for 2 hours.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Keven if he has a Twitter account he can follow. He said that he does but he doesn't use it. It's @undergaro. He also told Greg he thinks he's boring.
Keven said they're going to be doing some special shows where they watch and write up shows. He said that will be at AfterBuzz.com. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:30am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.