|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he and Gary were just talking about Imus and his goofy billboard that's there in the city. He said that he got a clip of his show and heard him talking about him in that old codger voice of his. He said it's really weird and uncomfortable to hear. He said he must be getting some kind of ratings to have a billboard like that. Howard said he knows he lost a lot of his affiliates and his syndication. He said he's not sure how he keeps going. Robin said someone told her that they can't even understand what he's saying on the air. Howard said he looks horrible for 70 but great for 124.
Howard said he didn't mean to get off on an Imus roll this morning. He and Robin spent a little more time talking about him anyway. Howard said the guy reminds him of Yosemite Sam.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he picked up Rolling Stone magazine and it's a great article about Howard. He said he talks about a lot of stuff he doesn't usually talk about. Howard said a lot of people told him that. He's not sure what they were. Janks said there were some personal things that he doesn't talk about.
Robin said they spoke about this and it was about the pain of his divorce and how he's still trying to reconcile himself to it. Howard said he spoke to Neil for 3 and a half hours and he thought that was old news. He said he didn't know he put some new light on it. Robin said it was more personal in this article. She said that it's not the complete open story on the air and it was open in the Rolling Stone interview. Robin said it was like being in his mind.
Howard said he was more worried about what people thought he looked like in the pictures. Howard said his life with Beth is great and the divorce stuff was old to him. Robin said that he's been overcoming this struggle and that's what the article was about. Howard said he was happy with the article. He said a lot of people were. He thinks that the fans will enjoy it too.
Janks told Howard it was the best interview he's done in years. Howard said it's Neil who deserves the praise. He did a good job writing it. He said that he had some great stuff in the article about the interview he did on the air too. Howard thanked Janks for his call and let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the article was great. He said he liked the picture of them all from like 20 years ago and Gary looked like he was a retarded person. Howard didn't like the way the caller sounded and said he never hears this on other radio stations. The caller asked about the Artie comments and if he's ever going to have him on the show. Howard said he is very confused about what went on with Artie and that he didn't pick up on the signals. He said that he is a sensational talent and a good guy with a great heart. He said he didn't realize the level of confusion until the last couple of months.
The caller said that he was in a trivia contest a couple of weeks before Artie was off the show. He said he sat in the green room with them for like 10 minutes.
Howard said people ask when he's going to come back on and he can't even process what went down with Artie. He said he just wants the guy to stay alive. Artie told him that he knew things were going to end bad for him and he didn't understand that. He said that he throws his hands in the air and he's not knowledgeable enough to handle Artie. He said he has a lot of people saying he should have him on but he's not going to do it because he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said that if someone knows what to do then have him on your show. The caller said he knows a lot of people who have killed themselves and you just don't know what to do. Howard said he wants Artie on the show but he doesn't know how to handle the situation. Robin said they don't want to do anything that would adversely affect him. Howard said Artie is in a bad place and he even said that things were going to end badly. He said he would love to have the guy on the show. He doesn't want to be looking over his shoulder making sure he's still alive in there.
Howard said his heart goes out to him but his days with Artie are over. He said that he doesn't know how to handle it because he's just some dude doing a radio show. He said he didn't pick up on it and didn't know how bad things were. He thought Artie had it under control.
Fred said he thinks Howard is right and he's handling this right. He said Artie obviously wanted off the show and he may have taken that big step thinking there was no other way to do it. He said he may have been trying to put Howard up against the wall before that.
Howard said he thinks he was put in the position of being the dad and it would have been a full time job handling the situation. Howard said it wasn't like that until the end. He said Artie did tell them that it was going to end badly though so they should have seen it coming. He said he knows people want closure but this isn't a TV show, it's reality.
Robin said she saw people dressed in green making their way somewhere. She wondered where they were going.
Howard said he got to the NBC building and he has so many bad memories over there. He meant to bring that up on the show but he forgot. He said he had a platter of shitty carrots in his dressing room and brought that out to show everyone how shitty the treatment is there. Howard said he got there and he was woozy. He said he walked into the NBC building and it's so negative to him. He said he had some bad experiences there. He said everyone working there seems to be happy though. He said that place is such a shithole to him.
Howard said he got to his dressing room and Ralph took a picture of him with his new iPhone. He said he took some of him and Fallon talking and they were great pictures but then he said he didn't ask Jimmy if he was comfortable with them. He said he wants to ask him now but it might be too late. He said he wouldn't like it if someone was taking shots of him. He said he got his shit together and figured he wouldn't send them out.
Howard said that he went to the bathroom and saw a guy walking around in a big hat. He said ''Conan's show'' when he brought that up. Robin had to correct him on that.
Howard played a clip from Fallon's show where he gave Jimmy some advice about not taking the Tonight Show if they offer it to him. Howard said he likes Conan a lot but he's a big dope. Howard said he told him that no one cared about his ratings until he went to the Tonight Show. He told Jimmy to just keep doing this show and no one will bother him. Howard said he meant that when he told him that.
The caller asked if they could give Sour Shoes a full time show there. Robin said she thinks that he isn't interested in doing that. Howard said it's up to Tim Sabean.
Howard said Sour is in his 30s or 40s and he's still living at home so he may not be able to take the pressure. He said it would be cool if they had the radio and the TV show get together to do a radio show/reality show. He said it would be great so maybe he'll bring that up with Tim. He said if Tim is there maybe he can give them an update. Robin said she thinks there is a problem getting him there and keeping him organized.
Howard said he thinks that Sour would follow him around all day long if he could. Tim wasn't there so Howard asked what's going on there. He said he used to be there at the crack of dawn. He said he may have a life all of a sudden. He said he doesn't like guys who have a life.
Bobo called in and told Howard that he must have put Jimmy over his 1 share. Howard said he's not sure what the ratings were. Howard said the guy did a great job promoting the cell phone app. He said Jimmy even showed the app and played some of the show. Howard said he really appreciated that. Robin said he's not sure how many people were actually watching. It may not have helped sell that app.
Gary told Howard he has the ratings for Thursday night. Jimmy had a 1.3 and Craig Ferguson had a .9 rating.
Howard played some of himself playing ''Louie, Louie'' with The Roots on Jimmy's show. That's how he ended his appearance on the show.
Howard said if you stayed tuned they had Penn and Teller on the show and they did a great thing with a nail gun. He demonstrated how a nail thing works and he did it into a piece of wood and then showed how the nails are loaded. He said he removed some of the nails and had to remember the pattern for the nails. He said he shot a wooden board and then he'd shoot his hand with the blank spots. He would put it to Teller's neck and stuff. He said that it was pretty cool.
Gary said that he heard that Craig Ferguson's show was a repeat and it was pushed back thanks to the basketball games that were on. Howard said it was the battle of the 1 shares that night. He said he didn't know that they barely even got 1 shares.
Howard said that Jimmy is a really nice guy and he's super talented. He said he did a Bob Dylan impression that was great. He said he had Bob singing ''Charles in Charge.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the reference to the sperm sample when he showed that cup of white stuff. The caller wanted to know if he's really trying to have a baby. Howard said it was a joke. He said he's not slipping out any news. Howard said that people just don't get it sometimes. He said he was joking about sperm because the container looked like a bowl of sperm with a bunch of shitty carrots.
Howard said Jimmy sent him a bottle of wine after the appearance and thanked him for coming on. Howard said he was very appreciative of him coming on the show. He said he really likes Jimmy and he's really easy on the eyes too. Howard said a lot of women tell him that Jimmy is cute. Howard said no one ever says that about him.
Howard said he got a lesson in lighting and he has to look at everything. He said that there are only a couple of shapes in real life and he can't remember exactly what it was. He said he's not thinking clearly right now.
Howard said that he learned how you can change the shape of a person's face with light. He said he realized how little he really knows when he learned this stuff. Howard said Robin's head is a circle and he can see the highlight and low light and all of that. He said that it's a whole science when you know this stuff. He said he figured that it was just a happy accident when you got a good picture.
Howard said he's going to be taking some pictures for Hamptons Magazine and now it's starting to feel like work. He said he's got pressure to do that now. Howard said he may have to practice with Robin. He said she'll have to get topless... ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' That led to Fred playing some Ronnie the Limo Driver ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' clips.
Howard said he loaded his pictures into his computer and his new computer couldn't handle them. He said he had to get his man Matt in there to fix the computer. Howard said he has to check to see if he has the picture. Howard asked Benjy to get the picture and show it to Robin. He had them up on his Facebook page.
Howard said he's going to be shooting people's work environments and also doing his coffee table books. He said he's going to do one on the Wack Pack. He said he will eventually become a bung hole photographer. He said that everyone's bung hole is like a snowflake and they're all different.
Robin saw the bird picture and asked what kind of bird it was. Howard said it was a ring billed something. Benjy said it was a ring billed gull. Robin and Howard talked about the picture for a minute. Howard said that his teacher can take even better pictures. He said he did that with his teacher over the weekend. He did the bird thing on his own though. Howard said the teacher is great and showed him how to do stuff. He said that he made a chess piece picture look really cool. He said he just did it by moving in a different direction. Howard said he just wants to sit on a chair and take pictures. He doesn't want to move around.
Howard said he was busy with that stuff. He said it does relax him and he was able to get some sleep this weekend. He said he needs to take pictures of Robin topless... T.O.P.L.E.S.S. Fred threw in the Ronnie T.O.P.L.E.S.S. clips again.
Howard said he has to get better before he does his shoot with Robin. He has to think of something to take pictures of too. He said he should do one with her topless and do it artistically. He said he would love to photograph her taking a colonic. He said that could be his thing. Robin told him to go for it but not with her.
Howard said he wants to take a shot of Robin's face during an enema. He said that he could call his book ''Enema Face.'' he said that would be great and Robin would be his first subject. He said the book could be celebrity enema faces.
Howard said he's not sure he'll ever be good at taking a picture. He said that he was just trying to learn how to use his camera. Robin said she gets that. Fred told Howard it was a good start. Howard said Fred sent him some art work that he drew on his iPad. Fred said he has a stylus that he uses. Howard said he drew one of a dog and he told him how great he was as an artist. He said they both support each other as artists. He said they should have an art show together. Robin said she'll be the gallery owner if they want. Howard said she hasn't seen his work yet. She may not even like it. Howard said he thinks he could do a great thing with Robin where she's topless but not showing any nip. Fred said he'd have to see nip in his art.
The caller told them they should come to New Orleans sometime. Howard said they went down there once and it was fun. Robin said they don't go anywhere anymore. The caller said that they should keep coming down there. Howard said he can't get motivated to do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's a big fan but buying the Apple computer was the dumbest mistake. Howard said he's learning how to type on the virtual keyboard on his new iPhone and he's loving the computers. He said that he's fine with the iPhone and he's in love with the iPad. He said he likes having it all integrated into one system. Robin said that she has an iPad and she's having issues so is that because she's not integrated. Howard said no but he said he does love the whole Apple thing. He said he doesn't even carry a laptop anymore. He said he was watching Netflix on the iPad and watching a movie with Beth in bed with him. He said he had the Dr. Dre earphones on and it was great.
Howard said that this has been a tremendous experience so far. He said he's not getting paid to say this either. He said he did this all on his own.
Howard said he wrote Ralph a note about this because he's been telling him to switch for like 10 years now. He said he loves the iPad 2 and the computers. He said he likes the iPad 2 with the camera and all of the built in stuff it has. He said he was on FaceTime with his daughter last night and it was cool because she was at home and it was like being in her room with her.
Howard said the whole Apple experience is great. He said it's great going into the store and being treated well. He said they run the company the way a company should be run. Robin said they are very helpful in the stores. She said she spoke to one person and never had to go to a cash register. She said the one person there took care of everything.
The caller said that the whole Apple thing is like a big cover up and they're using Intel computer parts and they're just covering everything up. Howard said he's having a good time with it and he's having fun. He said that it's all working fine for him. Fred said it inspires you to do things. Howard said he wants easy and that's what he has.
Howard said he likes all of the stuff on the Apple computer and the way the OS works is very nice. He said he has some really cool stuff on there and he loves it. The caller said that there are some good things about the computers but it's for people who are into photography, video and art. Howard said he liked the Android phone but he thinks that the iPhone blows it away. He said he has no battery issues anymore. He said that the camera on the Android is inferior. He said when he got the Droid it would kill the battery after 2 hours. Even with the extended battery. He said the iPhone is working great for him and he still has a lot of battery life. He said the thing is so light he's thinking about adding a cover to give it some weight.
Robin said she has to go out and buy one now. Howard told Robin to take it slow. He said he went nuts buying all of this stuff and he didn't even need it all. He said he has Robin figured out so he'll have to talk to her off the air about what she needs to buy.
Howard said he wishes that Robin had a condition that made her want to be topless all the time. Howard said that's like Benjy. He said he has this thing now where he doesn't lock the bathroom door so people will walk in on him. Robin said she did that. She said he just looks over his shoulder and laughs. Howard said he thinks Benjy does that on purpose. He said he locks the door when he goes to the bathroom. He said that Benjy doesn't care and he wants people to see him doing that. Benjy said it was kind of fun. He claims he didn't do it on purpose though. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He said he's not sure how they self destructed. He said Axl was really good. Howard and Fred had some fun playing clips and goofing around with that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview after that. She was in her Howard 100 News jacket. He said it doesn't fit her very well. She said she's a 0 petite and that jacket was a men's 42. Howard told her to make it into a mini-skirt. Lisa isn't interested in doing that.
Lisa said that she spoke to Qwest Love of The Roots and he said they were surprised Howard agreed to play with the band. Howard said that he said he might want to play and they blew it up and made a whole thing out of it. Lisa said they were thrilled that he actually did it but they were thrown off when Howard played it in the key of C. Howard said he told them that he was going to do that. He said he knows almost nothing about anything. He said he played that song but he barely knows it. He said that someone told him he was good at it and it's not that easy. Howard said it's actually very easy to sing and play piano.
Howard said he didn't know that the guy in The Roots is a drummer. He said he's pretty good too. He said the guy is so big that he overpowers the drums. Howard said the guy is massive. He said he almost covers up the drums with his massiveness. He said they're a good band but it's weird when you're sitting there he couldn't help but look at the 7 black guys staring back at him. He said it reminded him of High School. He said that Qwest Love shook his hand and told him how much he loves him so it calmed him down. He said he really was reminded of high school and expected one of the guys to ask him for his lunch money. Howard said he was looking for a garbage pail to hide in.
Howard said he thinks the band gave Jimmy some credibility. He said he was going nuts that day. He said he just wanted it to be over by that point. He said he was having all of this anxiety and he just wanted it to be over. Howard said he just forgot what he was going to talk about.
Howard said that there was a mug shot of Tiger Woods' new girlfriend in the paper and they show this chick before and after a nose job. He said you can see it pretty plain as day in that picture.
Howard read some email he got about his Rolling Stone article and Jimmy Fallon appearance. He had one positive one and then read one negative one about his comments about The Roots and how he insulted them. Howard read about how rude he was to Jimmy. Howard had to tell the writer that he was joking. He wondered how this person could listen to his show and not know that. Howard read another one where the guy said that he was acting like he was too big to be on that show. Howard said he is too big to be on that show. Howard said Jimmy loved the appearance too. He sent him a big bottle of wine thanking him for it.
Lisa mentioned another story they have about Howard's photography session that he'll be doing for Hamptons magazine. She said they did say that there will be some bathing suit shots. Howard said that's not true. He said he may be topless but not the women.
Lisa said they were out at the GLADD Awards for the Ricky Martin tribute. High Pitch Mike spoke to Ricky and got some comments about Howard from him. Lisa said they got some other interviews there too.
Lisa said that High Pitch Eric is making his appearance on a college radio station today. Lisa said he was still looking for a guest as of last Friday. Ivy Supersonic's boyfriend will be co-hosting the show with Eric.
Howard said he was talking about this dog last week by the name of Pugsly. He's the dog that won't soil his cage because he's so well trained. Howard said that the owner of the dog said they were moving and that's why they had to give up this 11 year old dog. Howard said the dog is so good that she won't mess her cage. Howard said she holds it all night. He said that's why he hates people. He said that people just give up on something like that. He said they'd do the same with their kid too. Howard said the dog is still available even though they got a ton of calls about her.
Howard said he has other reasons to hate people. He said that the whole St. Patty's day parade thing was out of hand. He said there were kids, of high school age, walking around drunk on the streets. He said it's crazy what's going on out there. He said he told Richard and Sal to go out and interview some of those kids.
Howard played some audio of Sal and Richard doing their thing out there. The kids were all drunk and yelling out racial slurs and things like that. They were asked what they think about people who thinks the parades are a waste. The kids would scream about how those people are pussies.
Howard said people were vomiting on the street and they're young kids. He said it's no wonder there's so much alcoholism. He said everyone is wasted.
Howard said all of these kids are yelling when they talk and their voices are shot. JD said he left around Noon on Thursday and there was a kid passing out on a bench already. Howard said he thinks he has tape of that guy. He played more audio of these kids screaming and yelling about drinking and the parade.
Howard said this was pretty funny. He said he figures it's what Lara Logan heard before the Egyptians attacked her. He played more of the audio and everyone was screaming the N-word and going off on Obama. There were a lot of guys yelling out ''fag'' and the N-word in those clips.
Howard said that's some group. He said they seem to be having a grand old time. Richard said there was one kid who had just gotten into a fight so his hand was bloody. He said it was scary as hell.
Howard played more audio and everyone was screaming about people who complain about the parade. They were very angry and screaming out ''white power!'' and other crazy stuff like that. Howard said that he's bringing Robin right into the heart of the parade. He played a few more seconds and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he had a clip of a reporter choking on the air during a newscast. He played that clip and the weatherman said that he could feel a tickle coming on. He wasn't able to continue with his weather report because of it. Fred played Henry Hill's coughing and choking clip. Howard cut that off and told Fred he'll throw up if he hears that.
Howard said he had some audio of Randy Quaid showing up at some club and he's looking really big and fat these days. He said that he wrote a song called ''Star Wacker'' and he had some of that. He played the audio and said he's sure they won't be able to stay with it for long. Howard said he thinks that the guy is just mad that Charlie Sheen stole his thunder.
Howard said the Charlie Sheen thing crazy. He said he read that Les Moonves has been talking to the people at Warner Brothers about getting Charlie back. He said Moonves wants a solution to bring him back to the show so they can make it work. Howard said it's the same story with Les. It's all about the money.
Howard said Les tried to sue him and there were actually some overtures made for him to go back to CBS radio. He said that they never stick to anything there. Howard said he would never go back since they tried to sue him. He said he tends to think there is something wrong with that. He takes it personally when they sue him.
Howard said Charlie Sheen is out doing a live tour and selling out tickets in minutes. He said over at Radio City Music Hall he sold out two shows already. Howard wondered what people think they're going to see. He wondered what Charlie can do. He said he had some audio of his show promoter talking about the show and he's still not sure what he's going to do.
Howard played that clip and the concert promoter talked about how popular Charlie is and how he's an actor and a comedian so he will be doing a monologue and he'll be doing some funny stuff and some dark stuff. He said Charlie will be open about his life and he will be the most honest man in America. He said they'll also have some multimedia and other things. Howard said he might have to go to that.
Howard said that Captain Janks sent him a 9-1-1 call for them to play. He played that clip and this guy called 9-1-1 and said he hadn't taken his medicine and the operator didn't understand why he was calling. He said he had been in a fight and he was in pain. He said the fight was yesterday and his head hurt. The operator told him she was just trying to help and he wasn't giving her the information she needed. The guy was arguing with her and just being belligerent with her. Then another operator got on the line and tried to get some information about the guy who hit him. Howard said he wants to praise the guy who hit this guy. He said it was a ballsy call to make.
Debbie said her mother called into her show and she was threatening her. Howard said that she shouldn't talk to her then. Debbie was screaming at Howard saying that this was all his fault. She said that he was the one who was wrong. Robin asked what he did. Debbie screamed at Robin. Howard asked if the landlord came and asked her to quiet down. Debbie was yelling at the top of her lungs about this stuff but it wasn't clear what was going on.
Howard asked Debbie if she talks to her mother with that mouth. Debbie said she does and who the fuck cares. Howard tried to talk to her but she was just screaming over him. She told Howard that her mother physically abused her.
Ronnie came in and told her that he spoke to her mom. He said she said it was okay for her to come up there topless. Debbie just yelled over him and never stopped talking. She just went on and on arguing with him. Ronnie started yelling too.
Howard let Debbie ramble while Ronnie kept saying that she had to come down and get topless. Howard said he has no idea what they're even talking about there. Robin said she mentioned that her mother made her rub her feet. Howard said he had to do that too. She said there was other abuse there too. Howard said he had to go and just hung up on her. She wouldn't stop. He had to go to a break after that.
Howard mentioned the Speech Impediment Idol contest they have coming up and then moved on to talk to his cousins Richie and Julie Gerber. Howard said that Richie and Julie are experts on this Japanese radiation thing. Robin asked if they're experts or alarmists. Howard said that she'll have to ask herself.
Howard picked up on Richie and Julie and said they are experts in organic farming and they had their own company called Bread of Life.
Howard asked Richie and Julie what's going on in Japan. They said that there is a lot of radiation leaking out over there but they haven't had a melt down yet. Richie said that they're being fed a lot of nonsense and he thinks that not all of the truth is out about what's going on. He said they say nothing is happening and this is no more than getting 3 hours of sunshine. Robin said they have detected some radiation in Washington State and it's not worse than getting a CT scan. Robin said that not everyone needs a CT scan.
Richard told Howard that they should get a Gause meter and see how much EMF is being radiated from all of this stuff that's around people. He said that there is more and more stuff being dumped around us and they say it's no worse than a few hours in the sun. He said that they don't even have to tell people that.
Howard asked if he's in danger from Wi-Fi in his house. Richie seemed to be saying that everyone is because we don't need anymore radiation than we already have out there.
Julie said that they will release more information in a few months and this is what they cover up. Robin asked if this is going to be any worse than Chernobyl. Richie said that this stuff is blown all over the world in miniscule quantities and it adds up. He said that you have to add it all up together. He said they aggregate it all into separate events.
Howard asked if they're in danger of some kind of nuclear rain that will affect everything they eat and drink. Richie said that they need to have a new certification that will be Geiger counter tested food. He said he wants to be able to walk into a health food store and put the Geiger counter up against the food and see if it's radioactive. He said he hasn't gotten a Geiger counter yet. Howard said they were relying on him getting them for them.
Richie said that he told Howard they have to work together to get the Geiger counters. He said he spoke to a radiologist about getting one and he laughed in his face. Howard said he's pretty sure the government just doesn't know how to handle this. He asked if they should have zero nukes. They are for no nukes of course. They were saying that we should be using coal and natural gas. Richie said that wind power doesn't even work. He said the whole CFL light thing is the biggest load of crap. He said they're spreading them around and they have mercury in them and no one disposes of them properly.
Howard asked what they should be doing. Richie was rambling on and on about how they thought the world was going to end so they were putting food away for themselves years ago. He said they do the same thing down there in Florida. Howard asked what they should be doing now. Julie said that people should eat lots of fruits and vegetables with Antioxidant's in them. Howard asked why they're not mentioning his bit Rolling Stone article. Julie didn't even know it was out.
Richie and Julie said this stuff isn't going to kill us overnight. It's going to eat away at people slowly.
Howard said he was going to take some phone calls about this. He let them get in a plug for their web site CousinRichie.com before taking the calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in the nuclear field and some of the stuff Richie has been saying is just wrong. He said that radiation is totally different than what they're talking about. Richie asked if he eats organic foods. The caller said he does. Richie's phone started cutting out so Howard was having a hard time understanding him. Howard had Julie talk instead. Julie said they know that radiation isn't all that well known and they don't know what it's really doing. Richie's phone kept cutting out so Howard told him he really has to change phones.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he lives in an area where they have a nuclear power plant and they have more brain cancer cases popping up around there. Richie said that the government covers all of this stuff up. Howard said this is really depressing to hear. He said the sad thing is that no one gets any cool super powers from this radiation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the reactor in Japan is getting worse because it's smoking. His phone connection sucked too. Julie's phone started to cut out too. Richie said that's because he switched with her.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about the company that they used to have called Beecuticals. Richie said they don't have that anymore. The caller said he saw a lot of bees last summer. Howard said there won't be any food on this planet if there are no bees. Richie said the bees go around to a million flowers a day and this whole radiation thing could contaminate our whole food chain.
Howard said people do want to keep their heads in the sand. He said that it's so overwhelming that you don't even want to think about it.
Another caller said that telling them to replace nuclear with coal power is wrong. He said he loses all credibility. Howard said that Richie wishes that wind power could take over tomorrow but it's not possible. Right now they only have coal and natural gas. The caller said that's just not true. He said they could come up with something in 10 years if they had the will to do it. Howard said we're not there yet.
Another caller asked if his well water is going to be safe. Richie said that you should get a radon detector and a Geiger counter if you can get one. Howard said it sounds like they're impossible to get. Richie said that they are kind of hard to get a hold of. There was a rush on them after the Japan thing.
Howard took another call and the guy said that he takes bees all over the country and there isn't a shortage. Howard said that's what they say on 60 Minutes. The caller said that he has tractor trailer loads of bees and they're not going anywhere.
Richie's phone started to cut out again. Howard told him he has to change phones. Richie switched again but it was just as shitty as the other. Howard said they don't have any good phones there in America anymore. Richie said that transporting bees is great but they have to bring more and more bees every year. He said that they haul around hundreds of thousands of bees and the population is diminishing. He said that caller was too close to the situation.
The caller said that he brings bees in and out of California and he's not sure where Richie is getting his information from. Richie said he's going to agree to disagree.
Howard said Richie seems to think he said he's hoarding kelp but he never said that. He said he's just got a bunch of it.
Richie said that a week from today is the 32nd anniversary of 3 Mile Island. He said he'll be back on next Monday to talk about that. He said he wrote a song about that back then too. He said he has pictures and information up on his blog too.
Richie said he has a bone to pick with Howard. He said they got through the environmental stuff. He said his name is Richie and his wife's name is Julie. He said he has a speech impediment and people think he's saying ''Ripley'' on the phone. He said that he never talked about it in front of 2 million people before though. Howard said he has spoken about it before. Richie said that his family told him he got rid of that speech impediment. Howard said he didn't know that they had said that. He said he doesn't think that Richie and Julie are over reacting to this stuff even though people say they are.
A caller asked Richie if they should be worried about the stuff coming over from Japan. Richie said he would worry about sushi. He said that he'd eat it for another week and then start worrying about it. He said he knows where all of that stuff comes from.
Howard asked Richie if he should avoid going to California. Richie said he would suggest not going out there. Howard said he thinks Richie thinks he's kidding about it. Richie said he's not joking and he shouldn't go out there. He told Howard he should come down to Florida instead. Howard said he thinks he's kidding when he says that. Richie said he's serious about the California thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was listening to the speech impediment contest. He said it's funny that he thinks he got rid of that speech impediment.
Howard said he was reading about the U.S. Department of Agriculture saying that they lost 30 percent of bee hives in the country in 2008. He said that caller earlier was wrong apparently.
Howard let Richie get in another plug for his web site. He also told people to search for ''Richie Gerber Radiation'' on Youtube to see his song about Three Mile Island.
Howard let Richie and Julie go and said that he's going to California even though Richie said not to. He said he has to see his daughter and go to a wedding. Robin said that we're already around radiation so you can't avoid it. She said Richie was just saying that we don't need anymore.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that you do all of that stuff and you can walk out the door and get hit by a bus. Howard said that it can't hurt to live healthy like that though. Mariann told Howard he's on fire and she loved that Rolling Stone article. Howard said he saw Mariann and High Pitch out in the audience there at the Jimmy Fallon show. He said he still has to ask Jimmy about Tweeting the pictures he took back stage.
Howard said he didn't think that his cousins were begin paranoid. Robin said that they were just saying that we should fortify ourselves against this radiation thing. She said that all food is going to be irradiated if any food is. She said if it's in the environment then it's already in it.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks about that whole thing. Gary said he thinks that it may be a little alarmist. He and Robin went back and forth arguing about whether or not to drink milk. Robin and Howard said it's bad for you. Gary said a little milk is fine.
Howard said he was taking to his cousins over the weekend and they're doing good. He said that you can't trust the government to give you the full truth. That led to the guys talking about what's going on in Japan and how even their government has admitted they weren't giving the truth when they were talking about things in the fist few days. Robin said there's one town that's so bad they can't even get rid of the bodies because the dead outnumbers the living. Howard said this is a catastrophic thing.
Gary said that the Japanese coming out and saying they need help shows that they really need help. They never ask for help.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked what he thinks about the Rolling Stone article being sad. Howard said he didn't think of it that way but Robin and Fred did. They think that he's in a better place now but he went through some suffering. Gary said it seems like he has trouble enjoying stuff as a general rule. Howard said he had enough of that caller when she was telling him how much she likes that he's humble.
Another caller asked about the Rolling Stone article and if he got any shit from what he said in it. Howard said he didn't get any at all. Howard said he doesn't deal well with shit. He said he admires Richie and Julie's situation and he admires them actually.
Howard said he had to take another break but he had a clip of the coach from Princeton getting emotional after a game. He played that clip and said that they're really just throwing a ball into a net. He said that in light of this whole Japan thing it's pretty meaningless.
Howard spent a minute talking about the Libya thing and how we really have to take Gaddafi out. He said that he doesn't get what's going on with that. Howard said people are saying Obama isn't handling this right but it's not like Bush handled Iraq the right way. He said we do have to take this Gaddafi out in his opinion. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that this was a very exciting Monday. He said that Wyclef Jean may have been shot in the hand. Robin said that the story she read said he may or may not have been shot. Howard said Wyclef claimed he was. Robin read the story she had about it and they said he claims he was shot but the cops are saying that his hand was cut on glass in an apparent accident. Robin said she doesn't know what's going on down there.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through some stuff they were going to be covering today. That led to the guys talking about Jimmy Fallon for a few minutes. Howard said he didn't spend much time talking to Penn of Penn and Teller but he hopes he didn't think he was blowing him off. He said he was just preparing for the show. Howard said that Penn came in and said hi to him and talked about Leon Russell with him for a minute. Howard said he told Penn he wanted to get ready and Penn left. He said that he might not have been friendly enough. Robin said that he should have dinner with him if he feels that bad. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard said he knows why he thinks like this. He said he gets upset if someone doesn't spend time with him so he thinks that they have the same feeling. Howard said that he likes Penn so he hopes he's not upset.
Jon went through a few more things they were going to cover and wrapped up his Wrap Up preview.
Robin started her news with a story about Tiger Woods and his new girlfriend. She also saw that Tiger's ex-wife has purchased a new home. She also saw a story about Rachel Uchitel who just graduated from a private investigator school. Howard said it's going to be hard to be private when you're known for fucking Tiger Woods while he was married.
Howard said he saw an article about an app that can cure people from being gay. The people at Apple actually approved the app. He said he might have to get that just in case he gets a little bit gay. He told Gary to download it and check it out for him. Robin said the app is put out by a religious group. She said another app was taken down after there was some protesting. Robin said this one is free.
Robin read a story about Sammy the Bull Gravano's wife being part of a reality show about mobster families.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone connection was awful. Howard said that they haven't had luck with one person today. The caller did something to fix it. Howard asked why he would have it on speaker. The guy said that he was doing something else at the time. Howard asked what he wanted. The guy asked if he was looking forward to seeing Kirstie Alley tonight on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said this guy was wasting his time and hung up on him.
Howard tried to take another call but the guy didn't answer right away. That guy who asked why he doesn't pay attention to all of this stuff that his cousin and Richard Belzer talk about when they come in. Howard said he is paying attention to it. He ended up hanging up on that guy too. The guy said he has to stop reading the NY Times. Howard wondered what that guy was reading that was so much better. He said he loves arguing with someone who starts off telling you that you have to stop reading something.
Gary came in and said that the app that they were talking about earlier just brings you to a web site where they tell people how to stop being gay. Gary said he's not sure how they can even call it an app. He said it's like a religious web site that they bring you to. Gary told Jim McClure to come in since he was the one who downloaded the app. Jim said that it's just how to not be gay and it's like reading proverbs and stuff. There was nothing fun there.
Howard said he figured it would zap you when you see a naked picture of a dude or something. He said maybe it would reward you for getting a boner when you see a hot chick.
Robin said that AT&T merging with T mobile. She said that she's sure that will be approved in a couple of weeks.
Robin said that Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellwegger broke up over the weekend. Howard said it's funny he was telling him he wasn't going to say with her for long and then he broke up with her. He said he must have had that planned all along. Robin said his movie did okay at the box office. Howard said he didn't like the ending of the movie.
Robin read about the owners of the Mets firing back at the people who are saying that they made money off of Bernie Madoff and they should be paying it back.
Robin read about how low Piers Morgan's ratings have been. That led to Howard talking about what Larry King was saying about how he's doing. Howard said that Larry wasn't exactly getting great ratings himself. He said Larry's show wasn't doing so well.
Robin read about a woman's leadership conference has withdrawn an invitation to Jane Fonda after some veterans got upset and threatened to boycott it. Howard said those guys are never going to forgive her for what she did.
Robin read a story about Ricky Martin who was honored at GLADD's award ceremony over the weekend. Robin said she was awarded the Vito Russo award. Robin said that Oprah's show took home an award too for having Ricky on her show.
Howard said that William Shatner is doing an appearance at this Mega Convention and he charges people to meet him and to get an autographed print. You get a picture with Shatner and you can have one other person join. He said packages don't include admission to Mega Con. Howard asked Robin what she thinks he charges for that. Robin thought about it and guessed that he's charging $200. Fred guessed it was $10,000. Howard said the answer is $495. Robin told him to stop it. Robin asked if anyone gets that package. Howard said he should buy it for that guy who was a friend of Benjy's show is a huge Star Trek fan. His name is Randy Goldstein. Howard said that's a lot of money. Howard said he would love to meet the guys who are going to do that. Benjy said his friend was really mad about the TJ Hooker show and how it ruined his whole captain image.
Robin said NFL players are saying that the owners never had a plan to let them in and they knew there would be a lock out. Howard said the players deserve that money. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who had written down his question but wasn't able to read it without his glasses. Howard asked if he had them on now. The guy said he did. The guy asked what kind of camera he bought. Howard said he wrote down his answer somewhere... it's a Nikon D7000. The guy wrote it down so he can remember it. He said he just retired and he's going to check out the camera. The guy also asked what he thinks about 2012 and if he thinks everything will be okay. Howard said he's going to skip 2012 and go right to 2013 so the world can't end. Howard hung up on him after that. They spent a minute talking about all of this paranoia about the world ending in 2012.
Robin read about the death toll rising in Japan. She said they're also trying to avoid a nuclear disaster. Fred threw in Gilbert Gottfried's laughs during that discussion. Robin read about how many dead they've counted so far and how they're on the rise. Robin said they say 350,000 people are homeless.
A caller said he has a problem with Gilbert Gottfried and Jeff the Drunk. He said that he has a problem with him apologizing for what he said on Twitter. Howard said he agrees with him on that. He said he never apologizes for anything until now. He said he's going to be busy if he starts apologizing for everything now.
The caller also said he has a problem with Jeff the Drunk who calls and begs for stuff all the time. The caller said his wife has Lupus and breast cancer and he's doing all he can to get a job while this guy is begging for money. Jeff was on the phone too so Howard put them on together. The caller went off on Jeff about what he does and Jeff just said ''Fuck you!'' The caller said that he's glad that Artie isn't on the show anymore because Jeff would be begging him for money too. Jeff told him to go fuck himself. He said that the guy was a douche bag. Jeff and the caller went back and forth on that for a minute.
Howard asked what kind of job the caller was looking for. He said he can do anything in manufacturing. He said that he can drive a forklift or something like that. He said he has gotten calls but no job yet. Howard let the two of them go. He put Vince on hold so they can take calls if anyone has a job for him.
Robin read about what's going on in Japan with the radiation and how they've found some in the water there in Tokyo. Robin had some audio of some passengers flying into Japan and what they were being told about what's going on there. They went to break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read about how they think they should have evacuated some parts of California during the tsunami warnings.
Robin read about what's going on in Haiti with the rebuilding and elections. She had some audio of someone talking about how they still need help there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows that a lot of people are looking for Geiger counters and he knows there are companies looking for hundreds of them. Another caller said he dropped his call earlier. Howard said he just dropped his call accidentally. He said the guy wanted to say that they should be sending nuclear waste out into space. Howard said he's not sure how they would do that though.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in to let Howard know Beth was on Regis and Kelly on a replay of the show. Howard hung up on her after a short time when she started to yell about how much she loves him.
Robin got back to her news and read about our attacks over in Libya and how each missile they sent off costs $600,000. Robin said that Gaddaffi's son was saying they're not sure what is going on there and why they're attacking their military. They think that we're taking the wrong side in this. Robin had some other audio clips of people talking about what's going on there. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Twitter's 5th birthday coming up this week. They have over 200 million users worldwide now. Howard said he hasn't been Tweeting much lately but he will get back to it. He said he's just been too busy lately.
Robin had some audio of Abbie Cornish talking about a new movie she's in and what it was like working with Robert De Niro.
Robin had a story about the new Sarah Silverman movie ''Peep World'' and had some audio of Michael C Hall talking about what drew him to the movie. Howard picked up on a stutter Hall had and goofed on that for a minute.
Robin had some audio of Kirstie Alley talking about going on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said she has to get a grip on her weight. He said that she lost 60 pounds and it all came back. Howard played the audio of her rambling about her weight and why she's doing the show.
Robin read about how the Mega Millions Lottery is up to $248 million. Howard said he needs at least half a billion. They ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon mentioned Ronnie trying to calm down Debbie the Pet Lady. Gary asked who can calm her down. They don't think there is anyone who can. Jon said he was wondering if this ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' has replaced Ronnie's LFSH on Twitter. Gary said he thinks it already has.
Gary said they should talk to Will about Howard getting so upset about the phones today. He said the guy that was on speaker wasn't on speaker when Will took his call.
Jon said they should talk about Howard's cousins too since they had phone problems. Jon said that really pisses Howard off when people don't call on a land line. Gary asked how long that would have lasted if they weren't Howard's cousins. They knew they wouldn't have lasted long.
Gary and Jon also talked about the way Gary and Robin had gotten into that food argument during Richie and Julie's call. Gary said Robin had made fun of him for drinking something that had been Pasteurized one morning and he didn't think that was a bad thing. He said he just likes milk in his cereal. That's all there is to it.
Gary said that some people think he should get a survival kid so he's prepared for a diaster. Benjy said he has one actually. Benjy was also talking about what Richie was saying about the nuclear thing and saying that coal is a better thing. He said that it may put out more radiation than the nuclear thing does.
Jon asked Gary if he's going to load up on the kelp now. Gary said that he wouldn't know kelp if it hit him in the head. He has no idea what it even looks like. Benjy said he thinks it's dried seaweed. Gary said he's never heard of anyone going out and saying they needed to get some kelp.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Julie and Richie are over reacting. He said that there is radiation in everything around us and it doesn't necessarily add up. He said there have been many things that have been blown out of proportion by people like that. Gary said the government does have a history of lying about stuff like this though so that's why it's good to hear both sides.
Another caller said that Richie was so boring that it brought the show to a grinding halt. The caller said that he thinks Ronnie always gets shit on the show but he's just a regular guy who gets to hang out at strip clubs. He said that he'd say that he's a very big success and it's great that he's gotten to do that.
Ronnie said he's going to send this guy a check for saying nice stuff about him. Ronnie said that he gets his due when Howard puts him on the air.
Jon asked Ronnie about his ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' thing that's taking off. Ronnie said the people on Twitter love it. He said he has over 30,000 people following him now. He said he still does the LFSH thing on there too. He said people want to see it and they want to hear it too but he won't say it anymore. He said everyone is into the topless thing instead. He likes that it's catching on now. He said people say it to him out on the street all the time. He said it's not as big as Baba Booey yet but he thinks that it will get there.
Ronnie said he's working on some other catch phrases too. They're still in the works though so he can't say what they are yet. They had to go to break a short time later.
Ronnie said this guy is a jealous asshole and they can all hear it in his voice. Ronnie said everyone in there was laughing at this guy. The caller said they're not laughing at him, they're laughing at Ronnie. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth on that for a short time. The caller told him to bring some class to himself and class up his act.
Another caller asked if they like the clips of Ronnie or the live ''topless'' thing. They talked about that for a minute and they like it live with Debbie the Bird Lady because he can say other things. That original clip was from like 5 years ago according to Richard.
Benjy asked if there were any black people out there celebrating that day. Sal said there wasn't many and they were scared for their lives when those kids were all yelling out the N-word. They were kind of goofing on a homeless guy out there and the kids were having some fun with him. They also talked about the people walking around with Pepsi bottles filled with Vodka. The cops didn't seem to be doing much and they were just having a blast too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sick of people busting Ronnie's balls. He said he loves the guy. The caller said that Ronnie seems to be going with the flow in the studio and asked if he's going to therapy for that or something. Ronnie said he doesn't care that people hate him. He said that he has over 30,000 followers on Twitter now.
Sal was saying that the women at strip clubs are able to overcome the grossness of guys and he thinks that those women would treat all of them the same. He said they're providing a service and that's their job.
Ronnie also asked that people stop calling him Scoresman because he's not Scoresman anymore. He's Rickyman. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary about the picture of the bird and what he thought of that. Gary said he thought it was good. Benjy said he liked it. Sal said that he'd rather see some broad with an iPhone bent over and taking a picture of herself. He said he found a new web site called GirlsOniPhones where they have pictures of girls who took pictures of themselves. He said that it's just chicks with phones taking pictures. He likes that stuff.
Jon asked Sal how he finds sites like that. Sal said people tell him about them. He said his friend Steve tipped him off on a site where guys took pictures of themselves on iPhones. Sal said that the girls with mobile phones is the only thing he really cares about with photography.
Richard said he's looking forward to doing the coffee table book with Howard. He said he wants to do it. Sal isn't as into it as Richard is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he just read that Propecia is tied to sexual problems. Sal said it only happens to about 10 percent of the people who take it. The caller said they say it's 38 percent according to what he read. Gary said in the L.A. Times they say that up to 92 percent of people who use it might be affected. Sal said that he has found that he hasn't been turned on by younger girls lately so maybe that's what's going on. He said he did beat off to the girls on mobile phones web site though. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he saw a line out the Apple store that was really long. He said Gary told him they must have another shipment of iPad 2's there. He said that's some business they have going on. Howard said some guys go and buy as many as they can and then sell them on eBay for as much as they can.
Robin said she was listening to the replay of Cousin Richie talking about the Geiger counters on eBay coming from Chernobyl. Howard said his dad heard it and said that Richie needs a new phone and not a Geiger counter. Howard said the general consensus of Richie's call is that he was kind of paranoid. Howard said he's not so sure.
Howard said someone wrote in about Ralph looking like Gaddafi in the picture he sent out on Twitter the other day. Howard said he thought he was looking like Gaddafi himself. Howard read another email about the Artie thing and said that he admires him for handling it the way he is. Howard said he doesn't know the right things to do so he's not screwing with it. Howard said he's being cautious for once because it does involve someone they love.
Howard said he had an email about Ronnie and they were creeped out by a phone call they got on the Wrap Up Show about how creepy he is at the strip clubs. Howard played that clip where the caller and Ronnie went at each other. Here's my write up from yesterday's Wrap Up Show:
After the break Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if all of his Rick's money would dry up if he didn't act like such an asshole. Ronnie asked if that bothers him. The guy said that it kind of bothers him. He said that he could act a little more classy. Ronnie said he doesn't get what the problem is. the guy said that he's like 50 years older than these girls. Ronnie said it doesn't bother the girls so why does it bother him? The caller said he'd like to get a petition going to keep creepy old men out of the club. He said he'd like to see Ronnie with someone who is age appropriate. He said it's gross when he sees him on Howard TV touching these women. He said he wouldn't do that when he gets old because he doesn't want to creep them out. The caller wondered how many girls he's put in therapy with his grossness. The guy said that the girls have to go there and work and he's grossing them out. Ronnie didn't get why the guy was so angry. He said the girls wouldn't be doing this if they didn't want to.
After playing the clip Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie was talking about his ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' thing and how he thinks it's going to be as big as ''Baba Booey'' some day. Howard said Ronnie is really up on that thing right now and people are loving it. He said he's way excited about it. He played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was talking about that too. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Jon asked Ronnie about his ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.'' thing that's taking off. Ronnie said the people on Twitter love it. He said he has over 30,000 people following him now. He said he still does the LFSH thing on there too. He said people want to see it and they want to hear it too but he won't say it anymore. He said everyone is into the topless thing instead. He likes that it's catching on now. He said people say it to him out on the street all the time. He said it's not as big as Baba Booey yet but he thinks that it will get there.
Howard asked Ronnie what he Tweeted today. Ronnie said he was talking about going to work and listening to the Playboy channel. He said he was also excited about the girls that might be getting topless today. Howard said he's really into that topless thing. Howard asked if he's just Tweeting once a day. Ronnie said he does it more than once sometimes. He said he was writing about this fake Ronnie guy who is just a hater. Howard said he notice Ronnie uses that ''hater'' word a lot. He said that's kind of a younger person kind of word. He asked where he picked that up. Ronnie said the people on Twitter use it so that's why he used it.
Howard said he's never seen Ronnie pick up on something like this before. Ronnie said he doesn't concentrate on it all day long but it's kind of like CB radio for him. He said that's what it reminds him of.
Howard said Ronnie is out there representing the show and that scares him. Ronnie said he's being careful. Howard asked what he is on Twitter. Ronnie said he's @RMLimoDriver69. Howard asked what the 69 is about. Ronnie said any normal person knows what it is. It's just a joke. Howard asked what the joke is. Ronnie asked what he's breaking his balls for. Ronnie said he just likes the number 69. That's it. Howard said he figured it was his age. Ronnie laughed and thanked Benjy for that joke. Howard said it wasn't Benjy.
Howard let Ronnie go and said that he was going at it on the Wrap Up Show. He played some more clips of Ronnie doing his thing on Wrap Up yesterday.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it sure takes a lot to get fired from the show. He said Ronnie isn't that great as a driver or as security. He said Howard lets people get away with a lot. Howard said there are a lot of people who become stars just hanging out there. He said that he has this guy who has 30,000 Twitter followers driving him around. He said he makes appearances at Ricks and stuff like that and he has a celebrity driving him around.
The caller asked Howard why he lets Ronnie do his show out in the hall when he should be doing security. Howard said there's a lot of time when nothing is going on and people dick around with him out there. He said it's like poking King Kong with a stick. He said he starts roaring like a gorilla out there.
Howard read some email about the Black on Black show and people gave a lot of positive feedback about it. People were saying that it was great with the two of them going back and forth with each other.
Howard played a clip from the show where King of All Blacks was going off on Big Black for wearing dinner socks. Big tried to come back with a line about him wearing white tube socks but King said he was wearing sneakers so that was okay. The two of them were insulting each other and goofing around about what they would do if they were hanging out together.
Howard said he didn't have one negative email about the show. He said people really liked it. He played some more audio of the two goofing on each other. It was more like King of All Blacks goofing on Big Black and Big not having as many comebacks as King. King was saying that he probably has a beige computer at home with one of those monitors that's long in the back.
Howard said King is all about having new stuff and making fun of Big Black about it. Howard said they talked about King liking women's feet and stuff too. He played that clip and King was telling Big that he could be screwing women's feet as they sleep. That's what King does. Big Black asked him about the feet thing and why he likes feet so much. King got all creepy talking about that foot fetish thing. He said he discovered that at 9 years old and he used to take dirty socks and put them in his pocket so he could smell them later. He said he felt so bad like he was the worst person in the world. King then asked Big if he had a fetish himself... like a work fetish.
Howard said these two have a good chemistry. He said they're really good together. He played more of that clip and King was talking about having women piss on him. King said he likes golden showers. Big asked if he's grossed out by Jeff the Vomit Guy. King said he was. Big Black asked him if he puts rubber sheets down for the peeing thing. King said his wife dresses up even though she doesn't like doing it. He said she looks like a clown when she's dressed up with the make up on.
Howard said he likes that he goofs on his wife about her looking like a clown with make up on. He played more of that clip where they talked about the peeing thing. Howard said King had his top 10 women's feet thing and he tried to set Big Black up with a girl. He played that clip too.
King was telling Big that he told a woman about him and he told her the truth. Big wanted to see a picture of her. King said he loves that guys who don't get any pussy are always after the good looking ones.
Howard said he thought they had good chemistry there and if they want to keep doing the show they may be able to give them a regular slot. Howard said maybe they can just keep doing what they do. Robin said they might need a little more to it than that. Howard said he thinks they have a modern day Amos and Andy. He said they should just let it happen. If they bomb then people can turn to other channels and listen.
Howard said he can't believe that CBS is trying to get Charlie Sheen back. Robin said his popularity is going through the roof right now. Howard said Les Moonves is a weird guy. He said he wanted him to come back and work for them when he was thinking about leaving radio. He said that's just weird after they sued him.
Howard said he had a nice dinner with Brad Grey and his fiancee Cassandra. They got together at 6 and they were done by quarter to 8 or so. Howard said they don't mind that so that's why they do it like once a month. Howard said he's such great company that people are willing to get together early. He said he always checks his watch when he's out to dinner. He said Brad has some great stories because he's the head of Paramount Pictures. Howard said the guy knows old Hollywood and stuff like that. Howard said Brad grew up in Freeport so he has a lot of stories there. His fiancee is very sexy too so there's nothing wrong with looking at her.
Howard said he was emailing with Jimmy Kimmel last night and he's talking about having another party for him out there when he goes out. Howard said he's going to have another party in his honor out there. Howard said there are a lot of people who want in on the party. He said Brad wanted in on it. He said he heard that the party was the most fun out there. He said he read that Courteney Cox and David Arquette are back together. He said he's not sure what's going on there and if David is going to come in like he said he wanted to. Howard said he might be able to lecture the two of them at the party.
Howard said everyone is liking his Rolling Stone magazine. He said that a lot of people are talking about that. Robin said people are talking about the pictures and how moody he looks in them.
Howard said he will be doing a photo shoot with Beth this weekend. He said he's going to shoot in black and white and do some nudes with her. Howard said he's going to have to tear down his house to create a studio for his photography.
Howard said he's getting one of those giant umbrellas and a reflecting thing so he can take pictures of Beth. He said he thinks they're not that expensive so he'll go to that Adorama store to get it. He said those guys hook him up with stuff.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he loved the Rolling Stone article and pictures. Howard asked if there's anything that he doesn't like about him. Bobo said there's nothing he doesn't like about him.
Bobo asked when the 3 days a week schedule is coming. Howard said that it's not coming right away but he will be doing a more limited schedule eventually. Howard said right now they're doing the 4 day a week thing and they'll be doing some 4 days and some 3 days a week. Eventually he will cut back to 3 days a week but not for a while. He said that the show is still on a roll and he thinks that the Sirius service is offering people a lot of options. He said they'll be adding more stuff to the two channels too.
Howard said that they have 30 years of material to play too so this is a good compromise so he didn't have to leave radio. He said he thinks this will be good. He said he can pop in and do shows when he's in the mood. Howard said he was thinking about doing like one show a week but they asked him to do 3. He said he wanted to keep that connection with the audience. Howard told Bobo that it should be a few months down the road before the 3 day work week comes around.
Bobo brought up the Courteney Cox and David Arquette thing and said that Courteney did say that David won't be doing the Howard Stern Show anytime soon. Howard said David is scheduled to be in there in April so they'll see what happens. He said that if David and Courteney are back together and he doesn't want to come in, that's fine. He said if that will help save the marriage then that's fine.
Bobo ended up talking about the earthquakes and tsunamis that are happening and how he thinks that the earth is going to end in 2012. He said the earth is shifting and it's showing because they have all of these earthquakes. He said he thinks outside the box. Howard said that he should take that box he thinks outside of and put his hair in it.
Howard had a caller on the line who said that he didn't like the show. The caller said they sounded ignorant and they're not sounding intelligent on that show. The caller was black and he said that they're giving them a bad name. He said they're trying to get out of the ghetto. King said he has no relationship to the ghetto. The caller said he lives in a half a million dollar house and he cares about his family and the people who are still there. King asked why. The guy said it's the same as Jews caring about the Jews who are still in Israel.
The caller was also talking about Sal and Richard going out and interviewing those people at the St. Patrick's Day parade and finding the racists out there. Howard said they just went out and found random people. The caller said that Howard doesn't employ a lot of black people. Howard said he's has Robin there since very early on. The caller said that he has Robin, Riley Martin and now these two.
King and the caller went back and forth arguing and King was bragging about how much money he has in the bank. He said he could take $18,000 out of the ATM right now if he wanted. King asked the caller what kind of car he drives. The caller said he has a Saturn Outlook. King said that he can't even get it fixed because they went out of business. The caller said it's a GM car and he can get it fixed.
King and the caller went back and forth but the caller kept talking over King. The caller was goofing on King about wearing sneakers and asking if he thinks he's a basketball player or something. Howard said the caller is dominating this conversation with his loud phone connection. King said that he doesn't buy economical cars.
Howard said he could listen to this all day long but he's not sure his audience could. Howard said he thinks this caller, T-Rob, could be on Black on Black. Howard said T-Rob is a little overwhelming and King can't get a word in. King said that he's like a Pez dispenser who won't close his mouth. Howard said he might get them to do a show together. King and T-Rob were talking over each other some more so Howard told them to hold on.
Howard let T-Rob go and told the guys to get his number so they can get him on the Black on Black show. He and King spent a minute talking about the photos in Rolling Stone and how they weren't even photoshopped. Howard said he can look okay from the right side but then you see the left side and no one wants to see that.
Howard said that was some argument they just had there. He said he can imagine a ''Black on Black on Black'' show.
Robin asked if they took any calls during that show. Howard said he doesn't know. He said all he heard was the two of them going at each other.
Howard said they have a ''World's Saddest Listener'' contest coming up and the winner is going to get to feel up a Penthouse Pet. He said that most people never even get to see a Penthouse Pet in person. This winner gets to feel one up. He said that's a huge prize.
Howard said they have 3 guys and they will be judging them on their sad stories. Howard asked if Benjy is a good judge. Gary said it depends on the day. Benjy said he thinks that he does pretty good. Howard said Nikki Benz is going to be the Penthouse Pet in there. Howard said she's the star of ''My Dad's Hot Girlfriend.'' he played some clips from that and from ''My Naughty Office.'' Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had to get Steve Langford in there. He said that Sal and Richard also went out and spoke to some Japanese people on their way to Tokyo. He said that Yucko the Clown was out at the St. Patrick's Day Parade too so he had to play those clips.
Steve came in and said that Captain Janks is off the deep end making dozens of phone messages to him. He said that Janks has been ordered to pay $49 a month to pay off his victims and he isn't paying. Janks was on the phone so Howard picked up on him. Janks said he gave Steve the number to call and he knows that he's on time. Steve said that he's supposed to pay $49 a month. Steve said he read that Janks was late on two occasions last year. He said that Janks is full of lies.
Janks said that he's on time with his payments. Steve said he has documentation showing that he was late. Howard asked why the woman would claim he was on time. Janks said this is what he's talking about. He said Steve is out to get him. He said that he's been on time. Gary said that he spoke to the news director yesterday and the woman who answered is a low level person and she may not know the full details. He said they have paper work showing that he was late.
Steve said that Janks should be working to pay off the people he has to pay off. Howard said maybe he can't find a job. Howard said he really doesn't care about this either. Steve said that Janks could be in violation of his probation if he doesn't pay this off. Steve said he got about 40 calls from Janks and that's harassment. He said that it appears to be a plea for attention.
Howard asked Steve what else he had. Steve said they have more on the story about the bag of excrement and how Coline Jenkins may have had something to do with that. Gary asked Steve to please stoop reporting on that. Steve said news is news and they're not done with that.
Steve said that one of their past Miss Howard TV's is going to jail with her sister. Steve said they do a lot of crime stories there. Steve got in a plug for Jackie and Riley's shows tonight on Howard 101. Howard let him go after that.
Sal and Richard asked the guy what his plan is not to get contaminated over there. The guy said he's going to try and avoid the levels that are high in radiation. He wasn't going to take any Potassium Iodide with him but he is taking some cannabis. He said his psychiatrist told him to take high levels of that because of his anxiety. The guy also said he'll be drinking and popping some Xanax. The guy was telling people to plan ahead and plan twice if you're going over there.
Howard said he had another clip of the guys interviewing a woman about Gilbert Gottfried's tasteless jokes. She said ''he's idiot.'' She apologized for her bad English. Fred threw in a Gilbert laugh after that.
Howard said flying to Tokyo sounds dangerous to him. He read that they have traces of radiation in Washington state. He said that's what's floating over from Japan.
Howard said that a lot of people thought that his cousin Richie was out of his mind yesterday. He said that people thought Robin was nuts about the pasteurization thing too. Robin said that she was talking about juices sitting around for weeks and weeks in a freezer and how the nutrients in it aren't going to be there. Gary and Robin ended up going back and forth arguing about having dairy in your diet. Robin said that you don't necessarily need that. She said that it causes your body to make mucus and that's not needed.
Howard said Yucko the Clown went out and did some interviews. He said he went down to the parade in Savanna, Georgia. He played some audio of those interviews. Yucko was busting people's balls. He told one woman she looked like a pool table dressed in green. He asked a black guy what he did other than bringing the property values down. Yucko did some other insults and asked some people what they were celebrating. Yucko told one woman her neck looked like his nut sack. He met a fat gay guy and asked what closet he could fit in. He told another fat woman that the last green thing he saw that big was attacking Tokyo. Howard wrapped up with that and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and thought Fred was playing Bob Seger. Fred told him it was actually Metallica. Howard sang along to the song a little bit. Howard said there are no cool bands like Metallica anymore.
Howard had Penthouse Pet of the Year Nikki Benz come in. He said that she's the big prize in the contest they're about to get into. Howard said she's looking fabulous. He said she has big breasts. She said they're a 34-DD. Howard said they must be enhanced. She said they are. Howard asked how her upbringing was. She said that they were great. Howard asked if she drinks a lot of milk. She said she doesn't. Howard told her that she should speak to Robin after the show.
Howard asked Nikki if she's a slut. She said she is but she's a sexy, classy slut. She said she banged her summer school teacher when she was in school. Howard said he was ignored by his teachers. Nikki said she hated school so she fast tracked out of there. She said she graduated kind of early and only had one class the whole last year of high school up in Canada.
Howard asked Nikki how big her boobs were before she got the implants. She said they were a B-cup. She said her teacher would flirt with her when she was in class. She said that he would sit on her desk and look down her shirt. She said she was about 17 when this was going on. She said she lost her virginity at 14. Nikki told Howard that she took the subway to school and the teacher saw her buying a chocolate milk and offered to pay for it. She said she got the milk and he ended up hitting on her. He said that he started making out with her and that makes her horny. Howard asked if she's good in bed. She said she was learning back then. Nikki said that she didn't cum that time but he did bang her. Howard said that it must have been exciting. She said that she did end up getting an A from him. He never told her not to tell anyone about it. She said that's not something you brag about in school anyway. She said that he was just her summer school teacher so she never had to see him in school. Nikki said the guy kind of sucked in bed anyway so she was happy she didn't have to see him again.
Howard asked Nikki about what it's like getting to be Penthouse Pet of the Year. She said it's great. She said she's the first hard core porn star to become a Pet of the Year. She said that she ended up fucking one guy's brains out on the set of a porno because she was so excited.
Howard asked Nikki what her favorite TV show is. She said that she's a fan of Dexter and Entourage. Howard said she claims to have dated the star of one of her favorite HBO shows and asked if it was that Adrienne Grenier. She said she can't say who it was. She said she will say that after she banged the guy she wasn't able to watch the show anymore. Howard asked how she got hooked up with the guy. She said a friend hooked her up.
Howard asked Nikki if she dances at clubs. She said she dos and she once felt a guy so close that she felt wetness on her leg. Howard asked if she's ever taken a guy home from a strip club. She said no but she has taken guys home from night clubs. She said she once blew a guy at a bar because he was so hot. She said that no one saw them as far as she knows. She said the place was so packed that no one was paying attention.
Howard asked Nikki if she's into girls. She said she does like them and she loves threesomes a lot. Howard said she must be a terrific girlfriend then. He asked if she brought another girl into the Entourage thing. She said she didn't.
Howard asked Nikki to see her underwear. She said she had polka dots on them and the little breast cancer thing on them too.
Howard said Nikki was a very depressed person when she was young. She said in 2005 she went through some weird stuff. Howard asked what drove her to attempt suicide. Nikki said that she was very depressed and working for a really bad person. She said she wondered how she could commit suicide and there are forums dedicated to it. She said she went as far as looking it up but didn't actually try it.
Howard asked what she was going to do. She said that it was going to be an overdose of pills. Howard said that would be such a waste with all of her gifts.
Howard read about this guy Rocco who she did some scenes with and she got so beat up her boobs were bruised. She said that it was a little too hard for her liking and he slapped her a little too hard. She said that he's known for that. Howard asked if she would work with him again. She said no. Howard said he heard that he's really good.
Howard asked Nikki if she orgasms on film. She said she has but it's really hard to do for her. She needs a guy to pay attention to her.
Howard said he's glad that Nikki came in to be part of this contest. He said that most guys will never get to date a Penthouse Pet or even be in the same room with one. He said that these guys are coming in and they're going to let her vote on the winner. Howard said he hopes that her breasts don't turn black and blue from letting the winner caress her. He said he loves that she's so giving. Howard gave her a plug for a movie that she's in that's in 3D. He asked why it's in 3D. She said that it's an experience and she's seen the clip and it's amazing. She said there's such depth to it that it's just amazing.
Howard asked if Nikki's ever done babysitter porn. She said she has. Howard said that's his favorite. He said he wants to see it. Howard asked her about the porn and what she does in it. He said he wanted to know if he should watch it.
Howard asked Nikki if her parents know what she's up to. She said she did tell her mom about the Penthouse thing but not about the porn. She said that she thinks the Penthouse thing is a little more mainstream. Howard asked if she will do anal and if she does an enema before. She said that she does that and you just let it all come out when you do the enema thing. She said she has done the colonic thing too. Howard told Nikki that Robin can do a really long hold with her colonics.
Howard said Nikki has her own stripper pole and you can get that from the Penthouse store. He asked her some more questions about what she likes to do with guys in a threesome. She said she likes to watch her boyfriend do another girl while she's jerking off. She said she sucks on the girl's tittie while her boyfriend is doing his thing. She said she will use a vibrator on herself while that's going on too.
Howard asked Nikki about what kind of girl she's attracted to. She said that she likes all kinds. She said she had her first at 18. Nikki told Howard that it was pretty awesome actually. She told Howard that she was almost assaulted by the girl and she liked it. Howard said no one has ever done that to him. Howard said they were going to take a break and then get to this contest. He said they'll hear from 3 men and the winner of the World's Saddest Listener will be feeling Nikki up in the most intimate way. He said that she's going to let the guy feel her up. He thanked her very much for that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they had 3 guys coming in to tell their sad stories. He had Jeff, John and Jim. He said that all three were a mess. Howard said that they might have to handcuff Nikki to keep her in there.
Howard asked if anyone was smelling weird today. He said he was smelling something that was making him nauseous. Howard said he had some microphone issues as usual. He said this is typical. Howard said Scott can come in and fix it now and slow the whole show down. Howard said some people would panic now but in the past 30 years it's just typical. Scott came in and checked what was going on and tried to figure it out. Robin said that Scott might be the saddest story in there.
Howard said he might just have to deal with this hum on the mics. Scott had no idea how to fix it. Fred played a Geiger counter sound effect as Scott was doing his check. Howard asked how much time he should take. Scott didn't know.
Howard moved on and just dealt with the sound. Howard asked Jim if he wanted to feel up Nikki. He said ''I guess...'' like he wasn't that excited. He said he was just nervous. Howard asked what his sad story was. Jim said he has a blood disease that's very rare and he had a massive heart attack. He said he had a blood clot that caused the heart attack. Howard asked if he is a milk drinker. Jim said he's not. Howard told him to talk to Robin about that.
Howard asked what happened while he was in the hospital. Scott was still messing with the wiring and there was a strange sound that came from Jim's mic. Scott wasn't even working on them anymore. Howard said heads are going to role later.
Howard got back to Jim and found out that he was dead for 8 minutes. Jim said he had no heart rhythm and he was dead for that 8 minutes. He said that he didn't want to die at that point. Three months later they diagnosed him with this blood clotting disease. He said he had severe pain and they found the clotting in both of his legs. He can't work anymore because of this. He said if he sits or stands too long he gets pain in his legs. He said he gets bad chest pains too. He got so upset about all of this that he tried to kill himself. Howard asked what happened to his wife. Jim said that he didn't know about his daughter until 5 days after she was born. He said that he found out when she emailed him. Jim said that he sees her every weekend.
Howard asked Jim about slitting his wrists. Jim said that he has to stay in bed for 4-5 days for the swelling to go down. He said it takes him hours just to get out of bed. He said he may even have a stroke if he wins and feels up Nikki. He said nothing is more exciting than being there today. Jim said all he does is sit in bed smoking cigarettes. He said he used to play sports but now he can't do that. He doesn't watch porn or anything. He said he gets his fix from Howard On Demand.
Howard read that Jim used to be a ladies man. Jim said that went down hill quickly. He said that he had one friend who stuck by him. Everyone else left. Howard said this is very sad. Jim is only 30 years old.
Howard said to feel up Nikki would be amazing for him. Howard asked Nikki to show the guys what they're playing for. She showed them what she had. She said they feel like Gummy Bears.
Howard said that John is blind so he can't even see those titties. Howard asked when Jim had contact with a woman last. Jim said he met one a while ago but she was gross. He said she just didn't do it for him. He said she had a bad attitude too. Jim said he kissed her and that was about it. He said he wasn't able to continue. Howard said that Nikki is a real woman and that's what every woman should look like.
Howard moved on to John and asked him if he was actually blind. John said he can see a little bit but light bothers him. He said that there are different levels of blindness. He said he can look at his cell phone and read it but he can't see a damn person in the room. He said he was with a woman like a month and a half ago. He said he does alright for himself. He said some girl will come up to him and not mind the blind thing. John said he never said he had a sad story either. He said he heard about the contest and thought he could just get in and feel up a porn star. He said he told the guys his life was okay but this would make his life all that much better.
Howard asked John how he makes a living. John said he works and teaches blind adults how to use computers. He told Howard how it works and how they use the computers using a regular keyboard. He said that they teach them to the point where they can use the computer just fine.
John said that he has something called Tepedo Retinal Degeneration. He said that people think he's not really blind and it pisses him off. Howard said one guy pushed him against the wall because he thought he was lying. John said his buddy came over and slammed the guy against the wall so he punched him out.
Howard moved on to Jeff after that. Jeff hasn't had a woman in over 5 years. He weighs almost 400 pounds. He said that wiping his ass is a process. Howard asked how he does it. Jeff said that you use a long towel and do it like floss. He said you get it really wet and get it in there. Howard said he must spend a lot on towels. Jeff said he just washes them and it's not that much more than toilet paper. He said that he can also shower. Jeff said he has a simple disease and it's just obesity. He said that he wasn't always that way. In high school he was a ski instructor. He said that his dad died when he was 35 years old and he inherited his addictive personality. He said that his dad died of a drug overdose. Jeff said that he was doing a lot of drugs in the 90s and he was doing a lot of cocaine like Charlie Sheen was. He said he had a good job and he was doing really well. He said he was getting laid like crazy and he had a townhouse and all of that. Jeff said that his mother was like Howard's mom and telling him not to go on this show to talk about personal things.
Howard asked Jeff why he can't lose weight. Jeff said that he did a lot of cocaine once and he ended up stopping cold turkey. He said that food became his addiction instead. He said everything bad is what he would eat. He said he loves Charleston Chews. Howard said that it must be quite a day eating all of that and toweling out his asshole.
Jeff said he was doing installations for cell phones and satellite radios and stuff. He said 10 years ago he had Gastric Bypass surgery. He said 10 years later he has a lawsuit going. He said that the procedure failed and he had a massive infection. He said he had a 105 temperature and the food was coming out of his wound. He said he had the stomach contents leaking out. Eventually that led to the scar tissue closing over that and that forced everything to the large part of the stomach so it's like he never had the surgery.
Jeff also said that Artie saved his life. He said he was on pain killers and he developed a tolerance to them. He said he still has pain from the operation. Then not too long ago he was in an accident and his car flipped over. He said he got hurt in that accident. He said now he has bulging disks in his back and he has bad hips and knees that need replacement. He said he can't do any exercise at all.
Howard said he read that Jeff has micro phallus. That's the worst. Jeff said that he has medically certified micro phallus. He said that Howard's tiny button is nothing to him. He said that he has what he described as a vagina with balls. He said when he's aroused he's like 5-6 inches but when he's at rest it's nothing. Jeff said he hasn't seen his penis in about 10 years. He said he doesn't like being like this. He said it's really difficult and he can't even get around his apartment without his cane.
Howard asked Jeff how he gets chicks. Jeff said he used to spend a lot of money on girls. He said the last time he got laid without paying was in 1989 on his 25th birthday.
Howard asked Jeff about his claim that he has a great memory. He didn't even remember what Jim's problem was. Howard said it was time to vote after that.
Howard said that Nikki had her breasts out and asked her to take her whole dress off. She did that. Howard gave her a plug for her 3D movie ''The Real Porn Stars Of Chatsworth.''
Howard spent a minute talking to Nikki and told her that his micro phallus was up to about an inch now. one of the guys asked if she would ride the Sybian. She said she did it once and didn't get off on it.
Gary asked if they wanted to have a secret ballot. Howard said no but Gary convinced him to do it. Howard had everyone write down their votes. He reminded everyone about what everyone's problems were.
Howard said he loves when Nikki is naked like that. He said he'd like Robin to do the show like that too. Howard had Gary collect the cards.
Howard asked Gary how Robin voted. Robin voted for Jim. Howard said he was the guy with the blood disease. Howard asked Robin why she did that. She said he died so that's why she gave him her vote.
Howard voted for John the blind guy. Howard said he agrees with Jeff that they all have bad problems but John can't see. Howard stuck with his vote even though there was some arguing going on.
Fred voted for Jeff. He said that Jim isn't hopeless. He said that the blind guy doesn't look so bad and he can get chicks.
Next up was Nikki. She voted for John the blind guy. She said she thinks that it's terrible to be blind. She said he can't drive or see his own dick. He actually can cook. Howard said he and Nikki are very in tune with each other.
Gary voted for Jim. He said there's nothing he can do about his illness. Howard said that was two votes for Jim, two for John and Jeff has one. Benjy said he didn't vote for Jeff because he seems so happy. Benjy said the blind guy doesn't win, he said he was voting for Jim.
Howard said that Jim has won a prize and he now gets to feel up Nikki Benz. Howard said she looks fantastic in her underwear. Howard asked Nikki how much she weighs. She said she's 5'5'' tall and 115 pounds. Howard said the runners up can feel up Jason if they want.
Jim felt up Nikki and said her boobs felt hard. Nikki said she wanted the blind guy to feel her up. Jim gave her a couple of squeezes and gave up. Howard told him to spend more time on them. She said that he smells like alcohol. She said he wasn't doing a good job. Howard told John to give her a feel after asking if that was okay. John went over and felt her up and Nikki said that he was very sensual and he was turning her on. John felt her ass too. She said he was very good. Howard asked if Jeff could feel her up too. She said that was okay too. Nikki said she hopes he washed his hands. She said he was actually very good and wasn't attacking her like a blow up doll. She said he was very good too. John had the nicest touch though.
Howard thanked Jim, John and Jeff for the contest. He said that the most important person was Nikki Benz. He said she was very kind to let them feel her up. Jim said he didn't get to feel her ass and he was the winner. Howard told her to get over there and let him feel her up. Jim felt her but it was real quick. Nikki said that he was really quick.
Howard wrapped up and gave Nikki some more plugs for her 3D movie and the stripper pole. Howard asked Nikki if she would sit on the Sybian as they were going to break. She said she would do that. Jim told her to feel what it felt like to catch AIDS on that thing. Howard said he was a real buzz kill. Nikki started to ride the Sybian but she asked if she should be naked. The guys said that she should be. She got naked and got back on. She said that it felt really good. She told Gary to turn it up. She said she might be able to cum. Nikki let out a scream and said it was too much vibration. Howard said that Jeff was probably fantasizing about eating a pizza now.
Nikki continued the ride and said she's not sure she can cum. She said that she was going to say the blind guy's name. She said this was for him. She let out some moans and finished but it wasn't clear if she had one. She claimed she had a little one. Robin said this was a very strange thing. Howard thought that Nikki had a fake orgasm but she said it was real. Howard asked Jim if he wanted to insult her one more time. Jim said he didn't. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was some contest they just had. He said that the fat guy was in even worse shape than he thought. He said he still thinks the blind guy should have won. Fred said he was too relaxed for a blind guy. Howard said he can't believe they're giving him a hard time for not being blind enough.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said that was a strange contest they had. He ran down some of the stuff they'd be discussing on today's show. Howard said Jim was out there in the hall insulting Nikki even after the contest. He was saying that she's a porn star so everyone gets to feel her up anyway. He said he was an angry guy. Jon went over some of the other things they'd be talking about and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard said that J-Lo is being accused of ripping off another song but the song she's accused of ripping off is a song that might be a rip off of yet another song. Howard played J-Lo and the other song and mashed them up together. He asked Robin and Fred what they thought. Fred said it was very similar. Howard said he read about it in the newspaper. Robin asked who would even care who ripped off that crap from another crap song.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that was the shittiest Sybian ride ever. Howard said she said that it was real but he felt it was faked.
Jeff told Howard that there was a fight between Lisa G and Gregg and he Tweeted about the whole thing. Howard had no idea what he was talking about so he hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked the Rolling Stone article and he's been listening for about 20 years. He said the show is great all the time and he appreciates him sacrificing his time for the listeners. Howard said it's his job and he enjoys doing it. He said his job is a passion and you don't get into radio for money. He said you never think you're going to make a penny.
Howard said he called Kidd Chris a few times and he keeps missing him. He said he's going through hell because he just lost his job. Howard said it's not a great career choice. He said that a lot of people want to work there but the pay doesn't seem to be all that high. He said this isn't the place to start working in radio.
Robin started off with a story about how Michael Vick could end up on the cover of ''Madden NFL '12'' if the voting goes his way. Howard said the guy doesn't deserve it.
Jeff the Drunk called back asking why he hung up on him. Howard said he was a bore. He's not looking to drive his show into the ground. Jeff said he thinks that Ronnie the Limo Driver is an asshole... ''A.S.S.H.O.L.E.'' Howard thanked him for the call and let him go without hanging up on him this time.
Robin read about a guy who finished the NY Marathon in 9 hours and some minutes. He was an obese guy who had eaten McDonald's before running. Howard asked if he beat Robin's time. Robin said he did not.
Robin read about Lawrence Taylor's underage sex case and how he got a plea deal out of it. Howard said he hired a hooker and he wondered how he would know if she was underage. Robin said he hired a hooker so that's illegal right there. he's only getting probation and a fine so he's getting off pretty lightly. He's also going to have to register as a sex offender.
Robin read about how Oprah is trying to make friends with all of her enemies. She might be trying to get them to do shows on her cable channel.
Howard said the best story is that Les Moonves is trying to get Charlie Sheen back on Two and a Half Men. He read that article and said that Les is very consistent. He said that he was asked to go back to CBS radio so he's consistent with that stuff.
Robin read some more news and mentioned Porum. that led to Howard and the guys taking about what that's all about. Robin asked why Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were dressed in costumes for Porum. Howard didn't know. Benjy said it's kind of a Halloween kind of thing in Israel. Robin figured Howard would know all of this since he went to school for it. Howard said he hated it and it was such a waste of time. He said he has no clue what it is. Howard talked about many of the things he did back then and how ridiculous they are. He said it was all a waste of time for him. Howard said his mom will tell him that she did all of this for him. He said that's just not true. He said that his mother never took him to an orthodontist because she was afraid of them. He said that his teeth are a mess now because of that. Howard said he's not sure what anyone is thinking when it came to him. He said he fantasizes about what it would have been like to be raised by wolves. He probably would have been better off.
Howard said that he has such Cellulite on his ass. He said he works out so hard and it won't go away. He thinks that it's from sitting on his ass as a kid. He said that his ass is disgusting and he's not sure how Beth has sex with him. He said he should photograph his own ass. That's what he should do. Howard said he didn't go out to play catch with his dad or anything. Howard complained about the guy who taught him in Hebrew school and how he would say ''Svee (Tsvi)'' in that awful way. He said he hated that name and he was stuck with it. Howard said he had some upbringing. He was stuck in a black neighborhood and when he got out of that he moved to a white neighborhood where they were anti-Semitic.
Robin asked Howard about a baby that needed a tracheotomy when it was born because it has something called Lee Syndrome. He may only have a few months to live. Robin said that this has sparked an end of life debate in the U.S. and Canada. Robin said the kid is 1 year old now. Howard said they should let the kid go in peace. Robin said it's like torture. Howard said it sounds like the kid is in pain. Robin said it can't breathe without the artificial thing in its throat. Howard said they won't let anything die in this country. He said there's some weird religious hang up about it all. He said they try to keep people with Lou Gherig's disease alive. He said people suffer and they won't let them die. Howard said it's just wrong.
Robin read a story about some parents who hate parenting. Howard said there are a lot of them out there. He said they have a hard time saying no to kids. He said you have to say no to them and to yourself sometimes. Robin said that being a parent is also figuring out what your child needs. She read the article she was referring to and Howard said this is why there is so much post partum depression. He said that most people are not qualified to have kids. He said they're a disaster. He said he sees it all the time. Then they have more kids even when they don't want them. He said it's whacked out. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, we heard some prank calls the guys made to a public access show. Fred also played Katy Perry's ''E.T.'' as they were coming back.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin said there was another face transplant. This time in was in the States. Robin said it was a 25 year old Texas man. Howard asked how he got ahead of him in line. He said he's waiting for a whole head transplant. Robin said this guy had an accident at work and his face was injured. She had some audio of the doctor talking about what they did to do this face transplant. the doctor talked about how he was too close to high voltage lines and the skin was burned off so he had bone instead of skin on his face. Robin said that she saw some video of this guy and he had hardly any face. He didn't have a nose or anything. They're hoping that this face transplant will help the guy. Robin said the guy has half a beard and he grew it out. Howard said he would do the same thing. He feels bad for the guy. Robin said this is the guy who should win the chance to feel up a porn star. Howard said they tried to get him.
Robin said the guy who shot up and killed a bunch of people in Arizona earlier this year is going to be evaluated mentally to figure out if he can be tried as a sane person.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan going to court again. She said that Lindsay may end up behind bars with her plea deal. She may go for up to a year. Robin said that they're saying that she could end up with more time if she loses her case so she may take the deal. Howard said he read that she might have to do 3 months.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's trying to come up with a name for a baby girl. Howard told him to come up with something simple. Fred threw in Sal's ''E-mono-globulin'' clip as a name suggestion. Howard told the guy to give her something that kids won't make fun of her about. He said the exotic names don't work unless you're hot. He said the name Suri is fine if you're hot but not for a regular kid. He said it might be fine for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes kid. The caller was thinking ''Jess.'' Howard said Jessica is good. He told him to go with that. He told him to avoid the name JD. Howard said Robin is a nice name too. He said he could name her after Robin. Just spell it with a Y.
Robin read a story about the Spider-Man Broadway play and how they may be replacing the choreographer. Howard said that thing is a mess. Robin read about the guy saying that he's still the choreographer as far as he knows.
Robin read about how there's a rise of men abusing women when their NFL teams are favored to win. Robin said if they lose then the incidents of men beating up their women rises.
Robin read about the nuclear mess over in Japan. She had some updates about what's going on over there. She said that people are being told not to eat food in the vicinity of the nuclear reactors. Robin said they found the body of a Virginia woman over there.
Howard asked Fred if he had a cover for his iPad. Fred has one and told Howard what it was. Gary told Howard about his and how he has a real keyboard that hooks up via Bluetooth. He showed it to Howard and Howard said he'd look at it later. He said he just wants a case for it. He said he is carrying that thing around and it's taking up his whole life.
Robin read some news about what's going on in Libya. Robin said one of our jets has crashed over there. The pilot was rescued. Robin said they're talking about this possibly being an impeachable offense on the part of the President. He didn't go to Congress before ordering the attacks.
Robin read about Tiger Woods dating life. Howard said he thinks the women are insane to date him but he should be able to do whatever he wants.
Robin read about Keith Richards and Mick Jagger and how they may be on the outs because of Keith's book. Howard said he should be. That was some hatchet job Keith did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that last night's Jimmy Kimmel show was wild with Charlie Sheen coming out and giving Jimmy a kiss on the lips. Howard said he saw that. He said it was wild. Charlie wasn't saying anything but he was handing out t-shirts and stuff. The caller was also talking about Kirstie Alley on Dancing with the Stars and how she was so out of breath that she wasn't able to speak after dancing. Howard said he has to watch that tonight.
Robin read about the death of Pine Top Perkins, a blues singer. Robin had some audio of him performing a song. Howard pretended to know who he was. He said all of the songs sounded the same to him. He also joked that he heard he drank milk and died.
Ralph called in and told Howard the problem with the iPad 2 is that there aren't that many cases out yet. Howard said he saw some cool ones that were metal. Ralph said he got an envelope kind of thing for his when he first got it. Ralph told him to just wait a few weeks and something cool will come out. Howard said Ralph knows everything about the iPad. He said he knows a lot. Robin said that she didn't know that. She said that's wonderful though. Howard said Ralph has his apps in folders and how to do the Netflix app and all of that stuff.
Howard said he loves his iPad. Robin said she needs Ralph to show her some stuff. She told Howard to rent The Next 3 Days on Netflix. She said that it's a great movie. She told Howard it was about a false accusation and Howard said he will not watch any movie that's about false accusations. He said he has no desire to see anything like that. Robin said the movie is really good though. Howard didn't care. Robin said it's not about the person who is falsely accused though. She said it's about what the husband does while she's locked up.
Robin also said the movie Mirage Man is good. She said that it's about a bar bouncer who becomes a super hero. It's a Mexican movie so Ralph and Howard aren't going to watch that. Howard said he likes movies where ugly teenagers get made over and go out on dates. He said they don't make enough movies about that. Howard said he loved that movie where the girl got dressed up like a boy and then she takes her top off at the end to show she was a girl. It was called ''Just One of the Guys.'' Howard said he likes when ugly girls or ugly guys get good looking. There was also ''Can't Buy Me Love.'' Howard said they should remake that one. Ralph said they did but with an all black cast. Howard said you can't do that. He said he should watch it though.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a former Israeli leader who was accused of rape and just got 7 years in prison.
Robin read about the movie ''Yogi Bear'' coming out on DVD and had some audio of Dan Aykroyd talking about that. Howard wondered if he should watch that movie. He liked the cartoon as a kid. Robin wasn't sure, she didn't see it.
Robin read a story about a movie that's coming out about a girl who gets locked up in an asylum. Howard said he won't watch that one. He said he should be the head of a movie studio so he could turn this stuff down. Robin wrapped up and they ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon went over some of the stuff he wanted to talk about today and mentioned the party Jimmy Kimmel will be throwing for Howard.
They spent a minute talking about Steve Langford's news stories and how he's pissed off Captain Janks and even pissed off Gary. Gary said he was kind of joking around with Steve. He said he just told him that it's not news about the woman with the poop. He said that it was a crazy accusation to make that she put it in her own mailbox. He said he's just got one guy guessing that she could have done it herself.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the World's Saddest Listener contest. He asked Will if they were really sad. Will said the title was kind of deceiving. He said they had hard luck stories and they wanted to feel up a chick. Gary said they were going to call it Queen for a Day and the people who own that name said they couldn't use it so they had to change the name. Will said they had a lot of sad stories for the contest and that didn't work so they changed things around. They're going to have a contest down the road for those really sad stories.
Will said that guy John was really blind. He said he had a hard time getting around and he had to have someone helping him out. He said he was running into walls and doors all the time. Gary said he had a great attitude though. He said he was maybe the world's happiest blind guy. Jon said he thought Jeff was a lock. Gary said the heart problem guy can't really do anything about that but the fat guy could stop eating. Benjy said he would have gone for the fat guy if he hadn't heard his story. Benjy said that they were asking Nikki Benz to sit on his lap and she didn't even know where his lap was.
Jon said that they had some audio problems in the studio and Evan eventually fixed them. Today Howard just dealt with it. Gary said he thinks he's sick of it and he just didn't want to deal with it. He said Evan did fix it and they had some patches in the back that he blew on and fixed it.
Will said that Scott wasn't even listening to the show at the time so he had to tell Scott to get his ass in there. He said he came in and tried to find something. Gary said that Scott is a recording engineer so he might not be able to figure that kind of thing out. He said they don't have the time to figure it out. Gary said he doesn't know what happened there.
Jon said the other wrinkle was the voting. He said that it wasn't clear if Benjy was even going to be part of it. Gary said he gave everyone index cards and he figured they'd do it like Survivor. He said what he didn't see was Benjy flapping his paper and how he threw it at Nikki and then she threw it back at him. He said he needed that vote for the tie breaker. Benjy said he thought he was a judge. Jon said Howard brought it up and never did say yes or no.
Jon said that all of the guys got to feel up Nikki. He said they seemed to be acting like it was no big deal. Will said they were asking if there was any money in the contest too. He said that they were acting like it was no big deal. Benjy said that you can buy a chick for the amount of money they spent to get up there. Jon said that she was the Penthouse Pet Of the Year though. Benjy said that's not that big of a deal to some people. Benjy thinks the prize was getting to come into the studio with Howard. That was part of it but Gary said he thinks the Penthouse Pet thing was a big deal too. They had to go to break after that.
Steve came in and asked Janks where he's working that he has time to call him all the time. Janks said he has a job and he will give Gary the proof off the air. Steve said that they spoke to this woman and it's a woman that Janks directed them to. He said that she is not in charge there.
Gary said it should be up to Steve to figure that out. Steve said that they believe that he is up to date now but his complaint was that their story wasn't accurate when it was absolutely accurate. He said that he's not sure why Janks is calling his desk over and over again. Steve said that he called him about 40 times yesterday. Janks asked Gary if that sounds like something he'd do to someone he doesn't like. Gary said yes. Steve said calling him isn't a good idea. Janks said he doesn't like him. Steve said he shouldn't be doing that when he's on probation. He said that he knows prank phone calls and these are not prank phone calls. Janks said he's been doing those calls for 20 years.
Gary asked Janks why he started calling yesterday when the news report was a couple of weeks old. Janks said he was just thinking about it and he decided to call.
Jon said that Steve's issue was the phone calls. Steve said it shouldn't be happening. Benjy asked if he's going to take action on that. Steve said that's up to the authorities. Gary said he heard in the office that Steve should leave him alone. Steve said they received 6 phone calls last week and that was fine. 40 in one day is a problem. Gary asked what the problem is. Steve said that he shouldn't be calling someone's place of work 40 times a day. Janks asked if he should be making prank phone calls. Steve said if they're like his old ones then yes. He said he loved those old calls.
Steve said that Janks shouldn't be calling him if he doesn't want any shit. Will said he should be prepared for this when he pushes them around like this. Jon said that this is Janks' way of pushing back at Steve. Steve said he just can't do that. Steve said if you call that many times are you likely to encounter some kind of problem. Gary asked what he says when he calls. Steve said there are no actual threats but he obviously hates him so much that he hopes something terrible happens to him. He said it's kind of nonsense.
Jon asked if this is like the Sour Shoes experience he had. Steve said he wasn't happy about that either. He said Sour Shoes is in another zone. Steve said he just doesn't understand why Janks is doing what he's doing when they hadn't done a story in weeks.
Steve said they had someone contact them a while back about Janks crimes and they refused to hand over their material to the prosecutors. Steve said they had a lot of material about Janks and they didn't hand over everything they had to the prosecutor. Janks said he doesn't know about that. He said he's been sober for 2 years and he's been working and paying back restitution. He said he's trying to move into the future.
Will asked Steve why it's his business what Janks is up to. Steve said that they're just wondering what he's up to. He said that there is proof that he was delinquent last year and that's what they were reporting.
Gary asked Janks what he had to say. Janks said that Steve Langford's mother is a cunt. That's all he had to say. Steve said that about wraps it up. Jon asked Steve why he didn't have his jacket on today. Steve said he just forgot about it. That's all there was to it.
Benjy asked Steve about his report about the woman who had feces in her mailbox. He asked Steve why he would have an expert say that it's not the way a victim acts. Steve said he raised a number of issues about the incident and how they didn't go to the postal inspector. They received no report about it from that woman. Gary said the guy is just theorizing about all of this. Steve said they have done some pro Coline Jenkins stories so they're not all against her. He said there are a lot of questions about the case.
Gary said the police opened a case and closed it. He asked Steve what he says to that. Steve said that the postal inspector tells them that hey take this stuff very seriously and they don't even acknowledge there was a case filed. He said that this person they spoke to says that parading around the evidence is not indicative of a person who was the victim of a hate crime.
Jon and Gary cut Steve off and said they had to take a break. Steve said that his story should be on around Noon about that. They went to break a short time later.
The guys brought up Ronnie using 69 in his Twitter name. Ronnie said that it's just a joke. He said he doesn't care about what people think about it. He said he's sick of this bullcrap. Ronnie said that his ''Topless'' thing is catching on. He said that the whole Tweet thing is catching on and everyone is saying LFSW or TOPLESS. Jon said that he can't see what people are Tweeting him. Jon didn't think that he could see what people are Tweeting to him but Ronnie said he can see it. Benjy backed him up on that and said that there are a lot of people using TOPLESS.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's seen TOPLESS written on the back of trucks going down the road. Ronnie said he loves that. Another caller said that thing isn't taking off anywhere. Ronnie said there are a lot of haters out there and he can join the club. The caller said he actually loves Ronnie but the stripper thing on Howard TV was disturbing.
Jon asked if this is going to be another Baba Booey. Gary said only time will tell. Benjy said he thinks that it will be. He said it's so fun and it's easier to say than ''Baba Booey.'' he said he thinks it's going to blow up. Will said that he doesn't get that. He said it's not that fun to say. It's not distinctive enough to become a catch phrase. Will said the word isn't fun to say. He asked what other words are fun to say for Benjy. He didn't get a chance to answer.
Another caller said that Ronnie is an idiot with the 69 thing. He said he has a 12 year old brother who is obsessed with that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Sal and Richard going out and asking people who was better looking, Howard Stern or Muammar Gaddafi. Howard said he thinks that Gaddafi is better looking. He said he hasn't doctored the results. Robin couldn't believe he listened already. Howard said he couldn't help it. He said as time goes on he loses to the guy.
Howard played the audio and Sal and Richard always make sure they get equal time in their bits. Howard said that kind of bothers him about them. He said he knows that they're working back there and they don't have to get the exact same time on air together. He said it reminds him of Jackie and how he was always trying to get credit for everything he did on the air. He said it's crazy.
Howard played more of the clip and he had like 4 votes for him at first. Then the votes went for Gaddafi. Then people were saying how ugly both of them were. Lots of women were picking Gaddafi. One woman said Howard looks like a mean guy.
Howard said he'd like to see the picture the guys showed. He said the last woman sounded very fat to him. He said he has to attack her. Sal told Howard that she was fat and a mess. He said she was a Pillsbury Dough Girl. Howard asked to see the pictures they used. Sal showed them and said that there were no pro shots of Gaddafi. They pulled a picture of Gaddafi that didn't even look current to Robin. She said that's like 5-10 years ago. Howard said he's glad she's defending him. He said Robin is right and told Sal ''Fuck you Sal.'' Sal said that all of the women they interviewed were ugly if that makes Howard feel better.
Howard played the clip a couple of times and got back to figuring out what Imus was talking about. Imus and his co-host Charles were talking about how much they felt sorry for Howard after reading that Rolling Stone article. Howard went off on them telling them what fucking assholes they were and said that he hates Charles McCord. He said that they treated him like shit over at NBC and Imus hasn't ever worked as hard as he has in radio. He said that they just copped his whole act and did it poorly. Howard goofed on Imus doing an impression of him and talking about how he was honest on the air while they weren't. Howard said that most people in radio are neurotic because they don't know if they're going to be working. He said just ask Kidd Chris.
Howard said Chris Brown is on the cover of the paper today. He said this kid is fucking insane. He said he beat up Rihanna and when he was asked about that in an interview he went off on the interviewer. Howard said the guy is out of control. He said he went berserk after the interview. Howard played the audio of the interview on the Today Show and the interviewer brought up the Rihanna thing and Brown seemed to be in an okay mood. Then she brought up the restraining order and what's going on with that. Chris said it wasn't a big deal to him now and he was just there to talk about his album that was out. The reporter talked to him about the album and what that's all about. He kept bringing up the album and tried to get away from the other stuff. The reporter said she understands that.
Howard said she sounded like she was scared out of her mind. Howard said he apparently went berserk after the interview and smashed a window in the dressing room. He's lucky he didn't kill anyone doing that. Howard said he got so agitated and ripped his shirt off and went out into the streets like that. Robin said she heard that he had made a mess in a couple of rooms before going out into the streets. Howard asked why angry guys always get naked. He wondered if that's animalistic or something. Howard said the guy is like The Hulk when he gets angry.
Howard said the guy looks like he could hurt someone really bad. He said he wishes that chicks would get angry and rip their shirts off. It's always dudes though. He said that Beth wraps herself up when she gets angry.
The caller said that it seems like Howard always lives up to his side of contracts and the companies are the ones who pull out. Howard said he's not going to get into it much more than that. He said it's very unfortunate. The caller asked how management is treating him now. Howard said he hasn't had any interaction with them since the lawsuit was filed.
The caller asked if he had checked out Bubba on RaidoIo.com. Howard said he hasn't but he's sure whatever Bubba is doing is good.
Robin said this whole thing is shocking. Howard said he couldn't handle this any other way. He said he feels like breaking up a dressing room but he won't be doing that.
Howard said he can't get into the details of the suit. He said he would like to but he's trying to use his head. He said he's ready to go home now. He said he'd like to talk about this because now he's distracted. He said this whole thing is not pleasant. He said he knows Robin wants to ask him stuff but he can't talk about it. He said that this is something that has happened to many people and he's just one in a long line. He said that he's going to continue his association with the company. This is just a business argument. He said he has to take a break to get his mind off of this. He said he's very distracted right now. Howard said he has to calm himself down after that. He said he feels like taking his shirt off right now. It's very weird.
Howard played a clip from the movie and the mother is sucking on one of the guys and talking to her son telling him that she's doing this for him. Howard said he's glad he was pretty good at poker as a kid. He said he'd hate for his mother to have to do this for him. Howard did an impression of the movie as if his mother was in it. He had her talking about big black cocks and things like that. He had her saying that she didn't want her boy getting hurt and having that big, black cock hurting her pussy.
Howard played more of the movie clip where the guys were telling the son to look at his mother getting fucked. Howard did more of his mother impression after playing bits and pieces of the movie. Then he had his father walk into the room asking where his breakfast cereals were.
Howard said he likes the plot and he would watch the movie. He said he likes when they have a plot and a story in porn. He said that it's important for him to know why the mother is fucking two black guys.
Howard said the other title they were fascinated by was ''Holly Begs For A Black Baby: Breed This White Cunt.'' he said in this one this woman Holly is fucking a big, fat, black guy and begging him to impregnate her. Howard said the husband is watching and being forced to videotape it. Howard played some audio from that one too.
Howard said this guy banging the chick sounds like a metronome. He's like a machine. Howard said he's good for about two bangs and he's done. Howard said he could probably play piano to this guy's rhythm. The guy banging the chick asks her what name they're going to give the baby. Howard said he was lasting a long time. Howard said he'd be upset if he lasted that long with a chick. He said that she should be exciting him so much that he'd finish in seconds.
Howard played more and the woman was coming up with names that the guy didn't like so he'd smack her. The guy was suggesting names of his own. Howard did his parents impressions again and said this is how they came up with his name.
Howard asked Robin if she had ever been smacked around like that. Robin said of course she hasn't. Howard said he'd think long and hard before smacking Robin hard in the ass. He played more of the clip and the guy was still suggesting names. Howard said it goes on and on. He said he had to take a break now. Robin asked if he could get off on that. Howard said he's pretty sure he could.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was driving to work in the snow and he was laughing his ass off hearing him doing his mother's impression. He said he and his buddy were miserable until they heard that. The guy said that he can't believe he's going to take a break after doing something so brilliant. Howard said that this gentleman is right. He said he was bummed about the lawsuit and then he bounced back with his impression of his mother.
Howard said he's surprised that didn't happen to him in Roosevelt. He said that black guys used to take his pants and his money there. He said he likes the video of that kid in Australia slamming that kid into the ground after he was bullied by him. Howard said that's what he would have liked to have done back then. He said he did fight back but he didn't win like that.
Howard said he has been punched in the face. He said he was in class once and there were like 10 white people left in Roosevelt at the time. He said this white kid in English class just turned around out of nowhere and punched him right in the face. He said he has no idea why he did it. Howard said his buddies were laughing. Howard said his blood started boiling and he took his hard cover book and smashed the back of his head. Howard said the guy was sitting in front of him. He said he hit him so hard his head hit the desk. Then the three of them said he was dead after school. Howard said he sat there wondering how he could get out of school and how he was going to do it tomorrow if he got out that day.
Howard said he got out of school and the tree guys surrounded him. He figured he was going to get the shit beat out of him. He said that's what happened. He got pummeled pretty good. He said he took his foot and gave him a shot in the nuts and took off. He said he doesn't remember what happened the next day. He said he's surprised it didn't continue. Howard said there were always fights going on in that school. He said that he's glad his parents gave him that lesson that in life you're always fucked.
Howard said there was another incident in shop class where this kid choked him out and the teacher took it out on him instead of the kid who choked him. Howard said the teacher threw a piece of chalk at him instead of the other kid. Howard said the guy was afraid of the kid.
Howard said he hates everybody. Howard said life has been one nutty thing after another. He said the radio business is one of those things that's like that. Howard said he really can't think straight today. He said he's in a very negative place today but what are you going to do?
JD came in and said that he's not really doing anything different. He said he got some new toothpaste and some Stimudents. Howard said he should be using them. JD hasn't started. Howard told him that he should go to a dentist too. He heard he hadn't gone in 5 years. JD said he knows. Howard told him that it would only cost him like 20 bucks on their medical plan. JD said he's just not a fan. He said he's one of those people that doesn't like the dentist. Howard said no one likes going to the dentist. He said his guy is really gentle and he's good. Howard said it's so much less painful than it used to be. Howard told him to give it a try and take advantage of the medical plan.
Howard and Robin told JD that they will make it so he's not in pain. They had him trying to say anesthetize but JD had some trouble with that. Howard told him to get his teeth checked out. He said his mother had to fuck black guys to get dental work. He did his impression for a few more seconds and then kicked JD out of the studio. Howard told him to dance his way out of the studio to his theme song. Howard told him to teach him how to dance. JD said he'd do that anytime.
Robin asked if he watched Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he did and Kirstie Alley was actually pretty good for an older woman who is fat. Not just fat but obese. Fred played an elephant sound as he was talking about her.
Howard said he got Dr. Dre headphones but he already had a pair. Gary said he thinks that Dre sent him the headphones. Gary said he got a call from Dre's people asking where they could send them. Robin said she got a pair from Beezid. Howard said he even got another iPad 2. He said he's going to use that one.
Howard said the fans are very generous but they really don't have to send him this stuff. He said that he's very thankful for that stuff but it's too much.
Gary told Howard that they make a jacket that's made to carry around an iPad. Howard said he has seen that. He talked about how they should have special pockets in jackets and stuff for your keys. He said that's what he found in one jacket so that's what he uses it for.
Howard said the audience is very generous and he's very appreciative. He said it's unnecessary. He said it makes him feel loved though.
The caller on the line brought up Oprah and the Catholic Channel and why Sirius would support them. He mentioned some stuff the Catholics have done and why they'd condone their behavior. Howard said he's sure that hey don't support everything everyone on their service is about.
Howard came back and asked Fred where the music was. Fred said he had some problems there. He was trying to play Bruce Springsteen but the wrong song came up. Howard said he kind of liked the song he was playing. Fred played that some more. He said he was trying to play one of his songs where he was playing harmonica to go along with the bit he played.
Howard said he was never really into Bruce Springsteen but then he saw him at a fund raiser and he was mind blowing. Howard said it's hard to believe he's from New Jersey with that accent he puts on. Fred said there are some people in South Jersey who sound like they're from down south.
Howard said he was reading a letter in the Daily News about how we forget how the people in Libya treated the Lockerbie bomber like a hero when he was sent home. Howard said the guy is right and we shouldn't be helping the out there. Howard said that the people in Iraq hate us for helping them out and the people in Libya will hate us too.
Howard said he doesn't understand why we get involved. Robin said we can't just sit back and do nothing. Howard said he guesses that's true but it just doesn't feel right.
Howard said he was going to write an email about Gaddafi and how they used to spell it Khadafi or something like that. Now they're spelling it Alghathifi or something like that. He said Kaddafi is another one they use on the official site. He said it's been spelled with a Q as well. Howard said his first name is spelled 7 different ways on the web site alone. He said he's not sure what the hell is going on.
Gary said the NY Times has him Muamar El-Qadafi. Howard was confused but asked who the hell cares anyway. Robin said she had an article where they spelled it differently in the same article.
Howard said he saw the Jimmy Kimmel show where Charlie Sheen came out and kissed him on the lips. He said he feels bad for Jimmy because Charlie is pretty open sexually. He said that it was pretty long and lingering too. He said it just shows how out of it the guy is. Howard said he thinks that he'd start spitting and vomiting if the guy did that to him.
Howard said Jimmy should have just pummeled him. He said he knows he's excited about the whole thing but he should have punched the guy out.
Howard read an article about how one of Charlie's lines was changed on the show. He had joked about Sarah Silverman leaving a toothbrush at his house and slammed it on the desk saying ''that whore Sarah Silverman left this at my house.'' That line was edited out because Jimmy didn't want to offend her. Howard said he thinks that Sarah would have liked that line. He said that Jimmy is being noble and protective though.
Howard said Ronnie was out in the hall showing off his ''topless'' Tweets this morning. Ronnie said he was not. Sal came in and said that he was too. He said he was showing everyone the Tweets. Ronnie said he just showed him a picture which was a graphic of the Topless stuff. Howard asked to see what he was talking about. Ronnie had posted that he didn't put out any shirts himself. Ronnie said he's not the one doing it.
Fred did an impression of Ronnie talking about the T-shirts and spelling everything out like he did with ''T.O.P.L.E.S.S.''
Howard told Ronnie maybe he should put the shirts out. Ronnie said there are people doing it already. Sal was goofing on him about all of that. Ronnie told him to go play with his hair. Howard said Topless is really taking off now. He read through some more of his Tweets. He was Tweeting about helping out with Miss Howard TV and her outfits. Howard said that he's supposed to be security out there. Ronnie said he was doing his job out in the hall.
Howard read a Tweet about this XXSexyVixenXX chick on there. That's the one who sends Ronnie naked shots of herself. Howard said he wants to see those. Ronnie said there are other chicks on there who like him and send him Tweets. Sal was goofing on him again so Ronnie went off on him about his many diseases. He said he's fine and Sal is the one who has the problems.
Howard read some of the Tweets and they were really poorly written. Ronnie said he didn't write them but Howard said he was just reading what he wrote.
Howard read some more Tweets and asked Ronnie if Sexy Vixen or his daughter in law is hotter. Ronnie said his daughter in law doesn't dance in clubs. Howard asked if he's saying that Sexy Vixen is hotter. Ronnie asked what he's doing to him. Howard was going to let him go but Ronnie said that the Howard TV girls have to learn what to bring in there. He said they bring in awful outfits.
Mike Gange came in and said that Ronnie yells at them about the outfits. He said that they just tell the girls to bring in some outfits and that's what they bring in.
Howard checked out a shot of that Sexy Vixen girl. Ronnie said there's another one where they have girls who take pictures of themselves in the mirror and the girls are all gorgeous. He said that they put up like 10 pictures in a day and he checks them all out. Howard said he's really into this Twitter thing.
Ronnie said that Howard breaks his balls about his ''69'' thing but Howard's studio is ''Studio 69.'' Howard said he did it as a goof. Ronnie asked why he makes fun of him. Howard said it's because Ronnie can't answer the question. Howard told him to get out of there. Then he told him to have the girl come in with the outfit she brought and then have her come in with the outfit he picked out.
Howard said that Ronnie has to drive him around all day and he gets belligerent by 3 in the afternoon. He said that he just starts mumbling by then. Howard said he ends up trying to cheer the guy up.
Lisa asked if she could follow Ronnie. Howard said she can if she wants. He said he might actually like that. He said that he'd like to know what he does while he's waiting for him. He would like to know what's involved during that time.
Howard said if he were single he'd be meeting chicks on Twitter. He said Facebook is great for it too. Howard said Ronnie has a bevy of girls. He said he's got Ronnie's Beauties.
Lisa talked about how they spoke to someone who is making the Topless t-shirts. They also spoke to Siobhan the transsexual who had some oral surgery. They had to drill her teeth down to tiny nubs. Howard said that he didn't think she could get grosser. Lisa said that Siobhan has also been painting with cat fur. Howard said he was getting nauseous just thinking about that. He said she's got that fake vagina and now dentures in her mouth.
Lisa said that Ass Napkin Ed is thinking of selling Howard Stern gift buckets that will be filled with toiletries and candy. Lisa said that he's willing to change the name if Howard doesn't want his name on them. Howard said he would prefer that he not use his name. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Gary has said that the Rolling Stone thing is becoming a nightmare. People are sending in their copies of the magazine asking him to sign them. He said he can't be doing that. Howard said that a Sharpie doesn't work on them either so they're very hard to sign. Howard said that he doesn't mind signing them if he runs into someone but please, don't send them in. He did this as Ringo Starr asking people to please not send in anything for him to sign. He gave the ''Peace and love, peace and love'' statement.
Howard said that any Rolling Stone sent in after the 23rd of march will be tossed. Howard said the peace and love thing and said that he's going to forward everything to Ringo Starr.
Gary asked Howard what Ringo is doing that keeps him from signing stuff for fans. Howard said he doesn't have the time to do that and he really won't be signing them. He said he will sign everything that came in until today. After today he won't sign those things.
Howard said this world is fucked up. He said they treat Paris like a goddess. He said she doesn't like him and made sure she didn't sit anywhere near him. He said she has a lot of hangers on with her too.
Howard said Victoria Jackson, who used to be on Saturday Night Live, has this weird anti homosexual agenda and he saw her in this tape talking about homosexuals in a negative way and it was shocking. He said she doesn't look like Victoria Jackson anymore either. He said she looks like she ate Victoria Jackson. Howard said she has a weird headband on and she's very Christian and saying that God is the one who is saying all of this stuff. She was upset that the TV show Glee had two guys kissing. Howard said this was a very strange conversation.
Howard played the clip from this show where they were reading Victoria's quotes and asking her about what she said about Glee and how wrong it was to have two guys kissing. Victoria said it doesn't matter what she thinks, it matters what the bible says. She rambled on and on about how wrong homosexuality is and how she can't find any shows for her daughter to watch. Howard said she shouldn't watch TV at all then.
Howard said he has to interview her. He would like to know what she thinks homosexuals should do. Should they go away or just stay in the closet their whole life. Howard said this reminds him of the republicans and their weird agenda. He said on FOX News they have a lot of negative stuff about Planned Parenthood. Howard said they help distressed women. He said they should just deal with that and with abortion. Abortion is legal and if you don't like it then don't get an abortion.
Howard asked if Ronnie could talk to her. He came in and told her to come up there and get topless. ''TOPLESS.'' She said she's not going to do that. She was crying and telling him to leave her alone with that stuff already. She said she's having a breakdown. Ronnie told her to come in there and get topless again.
Howard asked Debbie what she would like him to do that would make her happy. She said she doesn't like that they gang up on her every day. Howard said he wants to get serious and talk to her. She was talking over him and had to blow her nose too.
Howard took a call from a guy who was a car dealer. He said that she's kind of a celebrity now. She was crying and saying she's no celebrity. The guy told her to calm down and he'd have her to his grand opening of his Nissan dealer. He said that he'll pay her to come out there. The guy, Wayne, said that he will pay her $50 to come out there. She asked if she had to do anything disgusting with the fans. He said she doesn't have to do anything bad at all. He said that Ronnie will come down and do security there. He told her that she won't have to get topless. Howard told Wayne he'd work that out off the air.
Howard said that he has to roll. He asked what he could do to make her happy. She said that she wants to be spoken to seriously. Howard said it's very hard to talk to her with her crying. She said she would call him back because her nerves were shot.
Howard asked why she's blaming him. He wanted to know what he did. Robin said she thinks that she's hearing from the fans and they're hammering her. Robin said that she thinks she has to give up her internet show because of that. Howard said he rarely gets a word out with her around.
Howard said they used to have her on the show and she showed no signs of this stuff back then. He said it's almost like someone kidnapped her and changed her brain. He said he can't believe that anyone would even care about this stuff so much. Robin said she doesn't think it's a lack of intelligence, it might be mental illness. Howard said he likes that dudes like other dudes. That leaves more women to look at him.
Howard said that he doesn't get the abortion thing either. He said there are so many unwanted kids out there and there are parents who don't want to be with their kids. He said it's the same thing with dogs. They get tired of the dogs and give them to the North Shore Animal League.
Howard said he heard Donald Trump saying hat he was suspicious of Obama because they can't find any of his childhood friends. Howard said they have to get Donald on the show. He said he hasn't been on for a while now.
Howard played a clip of Trump talking about Obama and his doubt about Obama and how no one knew him when he was growing up. Trump said that there are people who remember him from kindergarten. He said he finds the whole Obama thing very strange.
Howard said Victoria Jackson is the best. He said this might be a good reason to have her in there. Howard said he had to take a break before bringing in the new Miss Howard TV. He asked Ronnie what she's going to be wearing when she comes in. He said that Ronnie has been busy out there finding stuff for her to wear. Ronnie asked what he wanted to see her in. Howard said he heard that Ronnie is like a stage mom to these girls. Ronnie said that's not the case.
Ronnie told Howard about how they have to step up what the girls are bringing in to wear. He said they don't pick the right stuff and the stuff doesn't match. He said it's not sexy, it's horrible.
Ronnie said this young girl needs help picking out her stuff. He said she really does. Ronnie said she had a pair of shoes that are cool but he doesn't know. He said another pair were not sexy. He said they looked like something she'd wear to a bar on a Friday night. Howard told Ronnie to bring her in dressed how she wanted to dress. Then they'll have her come in dressed the way Ronnie wanted her dressed.
Howard said this whole thing is weird because he's kind of encouraging it even though he's told Ronnie not to bother anyone out there. He said he's not supposed to be involved but he is kind of curious. He said Ronnie isn't supposed to be interacting with anyone. Ronnie said he knows but he and Gange ended up getting into it and now it's a thing they do. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was eating dry oatmeal for breakfast. He said he had water in it and bananas too. He said he likes Will because he hooks him up with that stuff.
Howard said that their new Miss Howard TV is named Tierra. He said it's either that or there's a typo. He said he loved the outfit she was wearing. Howard asked what was up with her name. She said she wasn't sure really.
Howard asked Ronnie what's wrong with her outfit. Ronnie said he doesn't like white with the lights in there. He had her turn around and showed Howard that her ass was sagging in that outfit. Howard asked what Tierra thought about him saying this stuff. She was okay with it. Ronnie said that he wasn't happy with what she brought in. He said that her shoes weren't stripper hot either. Tierra isn't a stripper girl so she doesn't know. She does some Playboy modeling on Playboy's cam site. She said that they can't show any pink on the site. She said they're a little classier than other sites.
Tierra said she has been in a few Playboy related magazines but not the Playboy. She said that she would like to be in Playboy though. Tierra said she's comfortable with her body so why not. She said she's only 19 and she just graduated high school last year.
Howard asked Tierra when she goes on cam. She said she can do it whenever she wants. She said she spends like 4 or 5 hours on and she can set the hours when she wants. She said she does it from her house and she does it right from her own computer.
Howard asked how many guys can watch her. She said any amount can watch. She said that it costs the guys $3.99 a minute. Howard asked how much she gets to keep. She said she gets a dollar of that.
Howard asked Tierra if she told her mom about what she does. She said her mom actually brought her to the casting call. Howard asked if they're nervous about the cam thing. She said they're fine with that.
Tierra said she's in school right now but she's on break. She said that she wants to be a wardrobe stylist. Howard said she must be upset that Ronnie is telling her that she doesn't dress right. She said that was kind of upsetting.
Howard asked Tierra about doing the web cam thing and if she stays faithful to her boyfriend. She said she does. She said that they don't live together right now and they've been separated for a few months. She said he's not even in school right now.
Tierra told Howard that she has made out with a girl before. She told Howard how that happened. She said it was a friend of her's. She said they went to the Playboy mansion and they just started making out and dancing and the other girl felt her up and things like that. Howard asked if she put a finger in her. She said she didn't. She said nothing like that happened. She said she didn't tell her boyfriend about it either. Tierra said it wasn't anything that serious. Howard asked if Hef was in the corner jerking off. She said he wasn't.
Howard asked if she's ever had threesome's. She said she has done that too. She said she did that with her boyfriend and her best friend. They had a foursome the week after that. She said that she had to do something with a guy the next weekend. She fucked her boyfriends friend in front of him. Howard said that sounds pretty wild to him.
Tierra told Howard the details of the threesome. She said that the other girl ended up going down on her. Ronnie said that sounds like fun to him. He said that she had better get topless today. He said he wasn't going to ask but now that he's heard that story she had better get topless.
Howard asked about how Tierra lined up the foursome thing. She gave him the details of that and Howard joked that this stuff was going on when he was a kid. Ronnie said it was never going on when he was a kid. Howard said this is wild stuff.
Howard said he bets that the boyfriend is out fucking other women. He asked about the foursome and how that all worked. She told Howard that she was doing her friend's boyfriend and she looked over and saw her friend getting fucked by her boyfriend. Ronnie said he was wasting his time with the wardrobe. He said she should just be naked.
Howard said this sounds great to him and why not try this stuff. He asked how many times that guy did her that night. She said they were on and off for a while. She said the whole thing lasted like 30-40 minutes. She said that they'd switch off with the guys. Howard asked how many times they switched. She said she didn't even remember.
Howard asked Tierra if there's any build up with the sex or do they just get into it. She said the girls just start making out and then it gets the guys going. Howard asked if they 69 each other. She said that they don't but she went down on the other girl and the other girl started touching her. Howard said the guys must get charged up. She said they undress themselves pretty quickly. She said she thinks that her boyfriend started banging her first. Then they'd just say roll over and switch when they wanted to switch. All four of them were in bed together. There were no condoms involved either. Howard gave her a ''Wow!'' for that. Howard said she could get an STD doing all of this. She said she knows. Howard asked if he finished inside of her. She said that the guy finished on her stomach. There were a lot of details that she didn't remember. She kept saying ''I think'' after her answers like she didn't remember everything.
Ronnie asked what the boyfriend thought about the other guy banging her. She said that he was a little jealous. Howard said he wouldn't want to share her with anyone. She said that he didn't want to after that. They didn't do it again.
Howard asked Tierra if she's loud in bed. She said that she is and gave him a quick demonstration of what that would sound like. Howard said she's something else. He had her go out and change outfits.
Howard played a clip of Chris Rock making reference to the creepy old guys at clubs. Howard said that's like Ronnie.
Howard said you don't want to be the old guy in the club. He said Chris may have been talking about 39 year old guys, not guys in their 60s. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he had Tierra in her other outfit. She came in and Howard said that it was better. He asked Ronnie why it was hotter. Ronnie said the bottom is might tighter and fit her better. He said that she looks tan with that color on. He said she just looks better with that color on. Ronnie said the only thing he didn't like was her shoes. He said for what she had, that was the best.
Howard said she did look better. He told Tierra she looks fantastic. Ronnie said the fans want to see her topless too. Howard asked if she would do that. Tierra said sure.
Tierra took her top off and said she's a 32-C. Howard asked if that's the size she would like to be. Robin said that sounds great. Ronnie said they were perfect for her body. Howard asked if she's been told to get them bigger. Tierra said they are kind of small. Howard said they're really not.
Howard wrapped up with Tierra and said he's looking forward to seeing her on Howard TV all month long. Howard thanked her for getting topless too. Ronnie said the fans will appreciate that. Howard let Tierra go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie just pegged out the creep meter to a whole other level. Ronnie asked why. The guy said Ronnie is a Limo driver and he's dressing girls. Ronnie asked why he has a problem with that. The caller didn't have much of an argument. Howard said Ronnie proved his worth and he did pick out a hotter outfit.
Robin started her news with a story about Elizabeth Taylor dying. Robin said they're reporting it on a few sites and on Good Morning America. Robin read some details about her career and things like that.
JD said they already have death packages for her death. He said that's how prepared they are for celebrity deaths. Howard said he never knew Taylor as a thin woman. She was always fat as long as he remembered. Robin read some more details about Elizabeth Taylor after that.
Howard said there were a couple of news anchors and this one guy was talking about his Rolling Stone article and how surprising it was that sex after divorce wasn't as good as he thought it was going to be. Then the woman anchor says ''We knew that already...'' Howard said she's such a moron. He said that this woman is in Hartford. Howard said the guy was trying to point out that Howard Stern didn't know it. She just blurted out that they already knew it. Howard played the clip and it was as he described. The guy tried explaining it and kept saying ''sex'' which was upsetting to the woman. She said that women already knew this. Howard said he gets crazy from that. He wondered if he shouldn't get crazy. The guy was shut down by this woman. He gave up and just said he was going to move on. He said it's no wonder she's in Hartford. He said there are people who stay there for 25-30 years and they never get out of there. He said they're never going to have a dime. Howard said you're doomed there. Howard said there's a big difference between Hartford and Los Angeles. He said that's why Jillian Barberie is in L.A. and this woman is in Hartford.
Robin brought up the Lawrence Taylor situation. She said he got a slap on the wrist in the sexual assault case yesterday. Robin had some audio of Taylor talking about how he asked what her age was and she told him she was 19. He said he didn't know she was under age.
Robin read about Glenn Beck possibly working on his own cable channel. Robin read the details of that and Howard was very confused by the whole thing.
Robin read about a woman who jumped into the Hudson river to rescue her dog and she had to be rescued by police. She said that her dog, Boogie, jumped into the water and the woman went after her. She did save the dog.
Howard said he went on iTunes yesterday to buy a video. He said the whole thing blew up. He said it's not as easy as you'd think. He had computer people with him and even they didn't know what was going on. He said he tried to buy the movie and everything came out all fucked up. He said the whole Apple thing isn't as easy as he thought. Robin said she knew it.
Robin read about how jogging or having sex can kill you. She said that kind of exercise can kill you. Robin said they found that people are twice as likely to have a heart attack jogging or during sex. Howard said it is kind of weird to just start running from a stop. He said his dad never ran a day in his life and he's still skinny. Robin said they say if you don't exercise at all then you're even more likely to have a heart attack. Howard said it sounds like you can't win no matter what. Robin said it does seem that way.
Howard asked Robin if she's still running. She said she's still exercising but not running. She's spin biking. Howard asked if her vagina hurts. Robin said it doesn't. Howard said every woman he knows who rides a bike has a problem with their vagina hurting. Robin said you have to stand up a lot on the bikes.
Robin read about National Kick Butts day. It's the day people are supposed to give up smoking. Robin said they're encouraging kids to kick the habit. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the events they have on this day. Howard said he can't believe anyone smokes. He said it's so crazy to do it for no reason.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to mention Amanda Bynes' Twitter. Howard didn't even know who it was. Robin said she thinks she brought it up because of Paris Hilton. The caller had a really bad phone connection so Howard had to bail out on her call. Gary said that Amanda Bynes was in a movie they were talking about yesterday. That's why the caller brought her up. Howard said he can't believe that other radio shows have good phone callers. Benjy told Howard what Amanda had written on her Twitter account about liking black guys.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Nikki Benz was kind of hard to take yesterday. He said she was just a big, fat phony. The caller also said that he was motivated by Beth to adopt a cat. He was going on a little too long about that stuff so Howard just cut him off and hung up on him.
Ralph called in and asked how he can have problems with iTunes. Howard told him what happened. He said he bought a video on iTunes and he tried to transfer it. He said that didn't work. Then the pictures he tried to sync to his iPhone came out as folders on the phone. He said he doesn't know what he's doing wrong. Ralph said it's so easy and it should work. Howard said it seems to work just fine for everyone else. Robin said she's had the same problem on her computer with iTunes. Ralph said it's just weird. Howard told him he has to take a look at it.
Gary said he and Jon Hein were talking about it and maybe he has it set to Auto Sync. Howard said he doesn't. He said that it's not as easy for him as it is for everyone else. He said he must be stupid. Ralph said he might be a little bit but Apple products are made for people like that.
Robin read about a woman who got trapped naked on a nude beach while out hiking. She was on a cliff and got stuck. Howard said nudists are so weird. He said that they want to be naked doing everything and it's just freaky. Howard said they would love to shop naked if they could. Howard asked if it's really that much of a burden to wear clothes. He said just the idea of hiking nude is weird. He said it's gross thinking about these people and their smelly ass hiking naked.
Robin read about yesterday being World Water Day and how they asked people if they know where their water comes from. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said most Americans don't know. Howard said he won't even guess because he'll sound stupid. Robin read where most of the water comes from and Howard said he didn't know that. Robin didn't either.
Robin read about Barry Bonds and his friend going to court. The friend ended up getting put in jail for refusing to testify against Bonds.
Ralph called in again but he was gone when he picked up. Howard told him not to call and hang up.
Robin said that blacks are moving out of the cities and into the suburbs. She had some details about that.
Ralph was back again. He said he went to see the Spider-Man play and the play is so bad that it's not good bad. He said that it wasn't even the kind of thing you can goof on. Ralph said the music sucks and the stunts they do in the air is really just two things. Howard said Beth saw it months ago and it was bad then. Howard said he doesn't know how they haven't fixed it in all these months. Ralph said he still gets stuck in the air. Jon came in and said that they were front row balcony and the guy was right there. He said they had to grab the cable with a hook and they had to bring him back in. He said it was laughable. Howard said this sounds like incompetence to him. Howard said it's been happening for months. Why wouldn't they figure it out and do it successfully. He said it can't be that hard.
Ralph told Howard the story makes no sense. He said it's disjointed and the music is just bad. Jon said there's a scene where Mary Jane sings a song that's just like what Howard does on the show. Ralph said Mary Jane is a pig too. Howard sang some of his own song about Peter Parker as if he were Mary Jane. Then he sang as Peter Parker. Robin said that's exactly what it was like. Ralph said Fred's music was better than the Spider-Man music. Howard said it sounds like a bunch of fucking retards are running that thing. Howard moved on and told them to continue it on the Wrap Up Show.
Robin got back to her news and read some more news She had a story about Aflac trying to find the voice for their duck after firing Gilbert Gottfried. Robin said they have an Aflac commercial they're putting up with no voice and they're letting people put their own voices in there. Howard said that's one thing he won't be doing today.
Robin read about a movie that's going to be made about Tupac. Robin said they're searching for someone to play the part of Tupac.
Robin read about a teacher who was kicked out of Brigham Young University for yelling out an expletive. Robin had some audio of a BYU spokesperson talking about how it was a series of events that led to his firing, not just the one word.
Robin read about Muammar Gaddafi and what's going on in Libya. That led to Howard replaying the interviews Sal and Richard did out on the street.
Robin read about the NFL player lock out. She also read about Britney Spears new concert tour and album. She had some audio of her new song. Howard said all of her songs sound the same to him.
Robin read about a new movie Selena Gomez has out. She has been out talking about Justin Bieber and how he's like a little brother to her. Robin said that she talked about him on Ellen and she was apologizing for what she said the last time she was on the show. Robin said she's like 18 or 19. Howard said she needs a 25 year old who knows how to give it to her hard. Robin had some audio from Ellen's show where Selena was talking about all of this.
Robin brought up how the Spider-Man Broadway show is losing one of their characters. She has to heal up from an injury she got in the play. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon got back to Howard's show and said he wanted to talk about the Sal and Richard bit with Howard and Gaddafi. Gary said he's amused by Sal and Richard doing the introduction and giving each other the same air time. Everyone else in the office was annoyed by it.
Jon said he wanted to talk about JD's dental issues. JD said he hasn't been to the dentist in over 5 years. JD said he didn't want to talk about it. He said he doesn't remember the last time he went. JD said he never had cavities and he has no idea if he has anything now. Gary and Jon asked if he has any pain in his mouth. JD said he doesn't really. JD said that he doesn't want to go and find out something is wrong. He said he'd prefer not to have to go in and have everything drilled out.
Jon and Gary told JD that it's just going to get worse if he doesn't do anything. JD said he knows. They talked about Richard's issues with his teeth and how he went after not going for years. He had like 12 cavities. Richard said he would have taken care of his teeth long ago if he knew how bad it was going to be.
Gary said he didn't go for like 6 or 7 years at one point and the dentist wasn't able to work on him because his gums were so inflamed. Now he goes to the dentist twice a year. Richard said he does too.
Gary said one of his dentists yelled at him once and that kind of turned him off to the whole thing. Gary said he used to gag when he had his hand in his mouth so the guy took a step back and told him to fucking grow up. He said he stopped going for like 5 years after that.
Jon asked Sal if he goes to the dentist. Sal said the odd thing is that his teeth were pretty fucked up back in the day. He said he got his bonded back in the day. He said his dentist had to really spackle his teeth up back then.
Sal said he thinks that JD has a form of halitosis that he could work on. He said he uses a special toothpaste he gets on the internet. He said that stuff works for him. He said his wife used to complain about his breath so he tried to do something about it. He looked into it and found Therabreath and it works to deoxygenate this sulfur that's created in your mouth. He said JD might have that too.
Jon asked about flossing. Sal said he does that every morning. JD doesn't floss. JD said he just doesn't do it. Sal said they can tell. Richard said it seems like JD doesn't want to be bothered with anything. Richard said he hates the shots he gets in his gums. Sal told him to just get the gas. He said that's the best.
Gary said that his dentist has to give him a lot of shots. He said that he'll give him like 4 shots and then it's like 8 hours until he can feel his lips again. Richard said he pinches himself by his testicles when he gets the shot. Gary said he pinches his butt. Sal said he loves the sour cherry taste he gets when they give the shots.
Jon said they always have to be in bits together. Richard said they don't do everything but they do a lot of stuff together so that's why they ended up in that bit together.
Jon asked Sal about what Ronnie was talking about this morning with his Tweets. Sal said he saw Ronnie in the hall and said ''Topless'' to him. He said that Ronnie said ''Yeah man, you want to see a picture?'' Ronnie was saying that's not the way it went and described exactly what Sal had just said.
Jon said they were talking over each other so he had to cut them off. He asked Sal what happened. Sal told Jon what happened and how he showed him this picture that someone sent to him that showed him showing ''Topless.'' Ronnie said it's not he way he said it. He said he just wanted to show this picture to him and it wasn't like he was a trembling old man like Sal said he was. Ronnie went off on Sal and said that he trembles more than him and he's got more ailments than he does. Sal said Ronnie is a little senile about all of this.
Jon said Ronnie got involved in the Miss Howard TV thing today even though he's not supposed to be getting involved. Howard was encouraging it today. Gary said it works sometimes.
Gary said you can always tell when it's Miss Howard TV day because everyone from Howard TV shows up there. He said Mike Gange has to present the notes to Howard. Usually Will is the one who does the pre-interviews except with the Miss Howard TV girls. Gange is the one who gets that job. Gary said he's not sure when that became the rule.
Jon asked Ronnie about the wardrobe thing and how he got involved in that. Ronnie said he didn't think she looked good in all white. He said he was just trying to match her clothes to her body type and color. He said he hasn't had a problem with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is brainless and he's worthless. He spelled out the words for him. Ronnie wasn't able to hear. The guy repeated himself. Ronnie said he can say whatever he wants about him being stupid or whatever but he loves his job and he loves what he does up there. He and the caller went back and forth on that for a minute.
Jason came in and said that the Howard TV used to take the pictures of the Miss Howard TV girls too. He said that was the only person he didn't photograph. Mike Gange came in and said that he wants to make sure that everything goes right and he has trouble letting go of things. He said the whole thing started off the air. He said that Howard wanted to meet the girls on the air so he got involved. Gary and Jason said that's not the way it went. They said that they demanded that they get the girls on the air to promote Howard TV.
Gary asked about the notes they have about the Howard TV girls. He said he doesn't do the whole pre-interview but a lot of the stuff comes from the auditions.
Jason said that all of the girls who come in there are not blond and that's Gange's type. Gange said that blonds are his type. He said Jason is wrong about that. Gange said he's not trying to get dates with these girls either. He said they are hot and they're nice to look at but he's not just doing this to get dates.
Jason said that Gange has dated their interns and people like that. Gange has slept with Interns, Miss Howard TV and a porn star. Gange said that was a long time ago.
Gary said he has never slept with an intern. He has never slept with a guest either. The guys said that he has too. He slept with an intern once and he slept with guests. Gary said he's thinking of celebrity guests and the intern wasn't his. They had to break in the middle of that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Howard bullies everyone on the show except for Robin. Gary said that there's stuff that happens on the air and off the air. He said he's never felt bullied off the air. Gary said that Howard can say anything he wants. He said JD doesn't have to go to the dentist.
Gary said that he doesn't think Howard is bullying JD either. He said that he's pushing him to go to the dentist to help him out. Jon asked if he feels bullied. JD said it's just fucking around and it's not bullying.
Jon asked Gange if he feels he's bullied. Gange said sometimes he does feel that way. He said he feels like Howard hates him sometimes. He said he was talking about him recently calling him a fat fuck and stuff and he feels that he hates him those days. Gary said Howard does not hate Gange. There was a period of time when Howard was perplexed about what he does for Howard TV.
Jon asked Benjy if he feels that Howard hates him. Benjy said he often feels that. Gary said he's had times when he felt Howard hated him too. He said he knows he doesn't though.
Ralph said that they're busting Gange's balls over this and he's really just a guy and of course he's doing this for the girls. Gary said they all know that, they just want him to cop to it.
The guys spent a few more minutes going back and forth with Gange on that. Ralph suggested they get an ugly chick to be Miss Howard TV and see who wants to be involved with her. Ralph also said that Ronnie's outfit for that Miss Howard TV wasn't all that great. Gary agreed. Gary said that he thinks that leopard skin is always trashy and that's what he had her wearing.
Ralph said he likes how Ronnie explains it like they have him doing what he's doing because he's good at it. He doesn't realize that he's a creepy old man doing this stuff with 19 year old girls. That's the bit they're doing with him. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he and Will have to do stuff during those breaks and they don't get a chance to do that if Tim is in there.
Jon asked Will why Gange is keeping Miss Howard TV to himself. Will said that it's one less thing he has to do but he's never said he won't do it. He said he didn't know that Chris Costa was doing the pre-interviews. He said he could go over it with Chris instead of Gange. Benjy asked Will if he would want to be in charge of the whole package. Will said he would do it so he could be part of the team. He said it's really no big deal to him.
Jon asked how involved Gange is with picking the girls. Gange said that he and Doug get the pictures of the girls and they do the interviews over Skype. He said they will pick them based on those few things.
Jon asked Gange how Ronnie got involved in the outfit thing. Gange said he just kind of started doing it on his own. He's very vocal about what chicks wear. JD said that's just Ronnie doing his show out in the hall. He said he likes fucking with people and he likes when people fuck with him.
Gary said he considers himself a horny guy but he doesn't care as much as Ronnie does. He said he hopes when he gets to Ronnie's age he can care as much as Ronnie does. Gange said that he got yelled at by Ronnie for what the girl was wearing today.
Benjy asked Gange if he's fucked any of the Howard TV girls. Gange said he did but he didn't want to say who it was. Jon said that Ronnie didn't seem to happy about having Lisa G follow him around. Gary said he'd like to know what that's like. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he has to go to his doctor today. He said he was up at 1:30 in the morning. He said he usually showers in the afternoon and by the next afternoon he's kind of stinky. He has to get a finger up his ass so he wants to be clean for that. He said he woke up last night and said he hopes he makes a doody before that. Howard said he was kind of consumed with that finger thing because he thinks the doctor pulled a plumb out the last time he was in there.
Howard said he's been getting up early for a while now and he thinks that he has an enlarged prostate. He said his balls stink from his pee dribbling on them. He said he ended up getting up around 4:30 and not having time to take a shower. He said he did make a doody though. He said he cleaned up his ass with baby wipes and now there's nothing back there. He said he did hop into the shower and wash back there with the shower head.
Howard said he didn't take a full shower. He has a nozzle with a power spray on it so he used that. He said he used some soap of course. He said at the end he hit the other handle and water started spraying out the top of the shower. He said he was able to dodge it though. He said he was running late by then so he lucked out not getting his shirt wet. He said he was wearing a shirt and his ring and stuff. He said he's so disgusting. He said he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he looks so bad.
Howard said he got downstairs and he was all minty fresh for the doctor. Hopefully he won't have another one in the chamber when he goes today. He said he also needs another prescription for Ambien. He said he hasn't had one for 6 years now. He said that's how long one prescription lasts.
Howard said he has some pain in his elbow when he presses down on it. He said he's not sure what it is. He said his skin feels tingly. He doesn't like that. Howard said he hates going to the doctor though. He really hates getting the finger up his ass. Robin said there has to be a more dignified way to do it. Howard said he heard there's a dog that will sniff your ass and tell you if you have cancer.
Howard took a call from Wheels who told him to get a bidet. Howard said he would use one but he's not sure about that. He said Jimmy Kimmel wanted to send him one as a gift but he didn't want to go through the hassle. He said that this one toilet is from Japan and Jimmy says he won't go anywhere else. Robin said their agent has one and he raves about it. Howard said he didn't know that. He was grossed out by the story though.
Howard said he's never used a bidet but he's heard about them. He asked if you face the wall or the other way. Robin said she faces the wall. Howard said he has this toilet that's green so it doesn't waste water. He said they literally don't flush. Robin said she has a good one that flushes well. Howard told her not to get rid of that one. He said the toilets are a complete bust. There isn't enough water in them so the pipes are clogging from it.
Howard said he had to hang up on Wheels because his phone was echoing. Wheels said he paid $125 for the phone just to call Howard. Howard said he was sorry but had to let him go.
Howard told Robin about how awful his toilet is and how hard it is to flush rubbers and doody. Robin said he's not supposed to flush his rubbers. Howard said it's okay. He said he can do it and he's not worried about them clogging it up.
Howard said that he has so little water in the toilet that he has to wipe the doody marks out of the toilet after flushing. Robin told him to get a brush. Howard said everyone will know what he's up to if he does that. He said he has a woman who cleans and they all know what he's up to if he does that.
Howard said he had to tell the woman that he was low on baby wipes. He said it's so embarrassing but he had to do it.
Howard said that he was at his shrink and talking about how obsessed he gets with things. He said he's been trying to attach pictures of people to his contact list. He said that his shrink tells him he's wasting time and he should be having someone else do that for him. Then he'll tell him that he has to do stuff on his own. He said it's so confusing.
Howard said he wipes down regularly and then he wipes down the hairs on his ass. He said he yanks on the hairs down there with the baby wipe. He said then he'll take his finger and poke his asshole until there's nothing left on it. He said the baby wipe looks like it has polka dots on it. He said being human is disgusting.
Robin said she doesn't have much hair back there so it's not so bad for her. She said he must be like Rapunzel back there. Howard said he should do a movie like that where he's Rapunzel but he lowers his anal hairs.
Howard said he's all clean back there for his doctor today. He said he'll let Robin know how it goes. He said all of America is waiting.
Howard said he was on his Apple equipment and Jon Hein and John Stamos got on. He said they were sending pictures back and forth of girls. He said that Stamos is single again. Howard said John was telling him to send pictures of Beth but then he felt weird and told him not. Then Stamos said he had to take Beth out to dinner. He said that's never going to happen. He said that John is a fucking asshole and that made him laugh. He told John he's a douche bag for thinking about his wife like that. He said Jon Hein wasn't sending pictures of anyone. He was just sitting there holding his dog.
Howard said it was wild having all of these people watching each other like that. Howard said it was kind of cool being invited into this conference on the computer. Robin said it's kind of annoying.
Howard said he's glad he switched computer systems. He said he likes the Apple stuff. They're supposed to fix his one computer today. Robin said she's meeting with Jeff Shick on Monday. Howard told her to talk to Ralph too.
Robin wanted to get a couple of laptops but Howard told her to get one laptop and an iMac. Robin said she doesn't want a big screen. Howard told her to listen to him. He said he went through all of this. He said he knows her set up. He said he'll talk to her off the air about it. He told her she's going to listen to him and she's going to do it topless. Fred threw in the Ronnie ''T-O-P-L-E-S-S'' clip during that discussion.
Howard said that Robin has to do it the right way, not her way. Robin said she has to do it the way that works for her. Howard told her to do it the way she wants. He doesn't want to be responsible for her. Howard told Robin that she doesn't want them all laptops. He said he didn't want that either. He said that she'll be fine if she listens to him.
In the clip Chris was asked if he was okay. Chris said he was fine and he was just trying to enjoy life and his new album. He apologized to the people he startled in the offices over there at Good Morning America. Howard said they could have filed charges and gotten him into trouble because he's on probation.
Howard played more of the clip and Chris talked about what he did and how he sends out a talking point sheet. He said if the network doesn't talk about what he wants to they usually back out of it. He said they didn't stick to that sheet and he was thrown off by it. He said they were just having him on to exploit him and he took it hard. He said he kept his composure during the interview and then he got upset. He said he just let off steam in the back room. He said he didn't hurt anyone. Howard said he broke glass that could have hurt someone on the street.
Howard played more of the clip and he was telling his fans not to bother the interviewer. He said they love everybody and they can't be bothering her. He said that they have to stay positive.
Howard said that they're just going to stick to talking about his sucky album instead of something interesting like Rihanna. Howard played a clip of Chris talking about how great his fans are. Chris just brushed off the situation with Rihanna and called that situation ''whatever.''
Howard said that guy is a nut. He said he went on Good Morning America and he ripped off his shirt like the Hulk. He said he smashed a window with a chair and he could have hurt someone on the street doing that. Howard said he'd like to ask him how he broke up the room. Robin said you have to hit those windows pretty hard to break them. Howard said he's acting like a 2 year old.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's being selfish by not letting Beth have a baby. He said that he's denying future generations her DNA. Howard said if she wanted one then it would be selfish. He said Beth doesn't want a kid. The caller said that he controls all of the decisions so it has to be up to him.
Howard said the kid could end up with his looks. He said even Beth said that they would look awkward. The caller was saying that the kid could end up with the good parts of both of them. He said it might end up hook nosed though. Howard said he thinks that Beth is sincere about not wanting to have kids. He said that he has had 3 himself and Beth fell in love with him and he doesn't want kids. He said he's shut down to the idea of having a kid. He said it would be selfish to say she can't have one but she doesn't want one.
Howard said he knows he's selfish about that whole thing. Robin said that Elizabeth Taylor had a son who got her looks and he was a beautiful kid. Howard said he read about Elizabeth Taylor and she once said that she wasn't afraid to die and she wanted her epitaph to say ''She lived.'' Howard said she definitely lived and married 8 times and didn't care what people thought about her. Howard said he wishes he could adopt some of those traits himself. He said he wishes he wasn't so uptight. Robin said that she did risk her career many times and she lived on the edge.
Howard said that Bobby Brown was asked about that on Wendy Williams' show and she called the kid Bobbychris. Howard had that clip and Bobby said it was all bullshit. He played that clip and Bobby was saying that it was allegedly Bobbychris in the picture. Bobby said he spoke to his daughter and she's just fine. He said it was just something that happened. It was an ex-boyfriend that set her up according to Bobby.
Howard said he was reading about Paula Abudl in the paper. Her show has been canceled. He said he thinks that something is wrong with American Idol because he fell asleep in the middle of it last night. He said he can't even watch the show. He said the ratings are still good on the show but he doesn't like it. Howard said they have like 27 million viewers. Howard said the show is still very powerful.
Howard said he watched Dancing with the Stars but he's not sure he cares about that. He said Kirstie Alley was very elegant for a fatso. He said there were a few other people on the show that he doesn't care about. Robin asked how Sugar Ray Leonard did. Howard said he fast forwarded through that. He doesn't care how he dances.
Howard said he was thinking of Imus last night and how he was trying to rag on him about his Rolling Stone article. He said the guy was rambling about his show and how neurotic he was. Howard said that's the reason he's on the cover of Rolling Stone and Imus isn't. He said that's also the reason Imus has been canceled from almost every station he was syndicated to. He said Imus has so many lame things in his career and went over some of that stuff and goofed on the guy for a couple of minutes. Howard said Imus refused to talk to him when he first got to NBC.
Howard said Imus had a poster at NBC and they used to charge $100 to get one signed. He said the guy didn't put any energy into his show. Howard said the guy would torture people on his show. Howard said he did nothing with his career. Howard said he changed the business with his show. He innovated things and Imus did nothing.
Howard said it's ridiculous that it was 3 days before the event. He said he wasn't even thinking about how he should get an award. He said they're apparently going to air this show on a bunch of channels and turn it into some big award show. He said he likes that he was asked 3 days before the event. Gary said they were going to be giving Eddie Murphy a lifetime achievement award. Howard said he's fine with that. He's just upset that they asked him to do it 3 days before. Howard said he had to take a break. He said they have the Queen of burps coming in next. He thought they had her on before but the guys said that they hadn't.
Howard came back and listened to the song for a minute. He said Natalie really has a great voice. He said he likes that thing they shake. Fred said he thinks it's called a shaker. Howard said he should take up that instrument. He said he thinks that he could do it. Fred said there was a guy who used to do that. He said it was a little bald guy. He had chimes and stuff like that. Howard said they're singing their hearts out and he's listening to the shaker. Howard said that Natalie could win American Idol. He said she's the greatest.
Robin said there's a new show called ''The Voice'' that's coming out and they're going to be judging people without looking at them. They'll have their backs to the people. It's going to be about the voice alone. Howard said he can usually tell if someone is fat or not based on their voice. He said he could tell that woman in the tape Sal and Richard brought back was fat. He said Sal and Richard said he was right when he guessed that one woman was fat. Robin said they said all of them were fat.
Howard said the Chinese once had an ugly girl that they stuck behind a curtain so they could have a good looking kid pretend to sing to her voice. He said they must be really uptight about people's looks.
Howard said he was reading Elizabeth Taylor's obituary in the New York Times and the guy who wrote it actually died 6 years ago. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said the guy died of cancer in 2005. Howard said it was probably from Taylor blowing smoke in his face. Howard said she had him on her payroll and he was her P.R. person. He said that she paid him to write this thing. Howard said the NY Times people were asked why they didn't rewrite it. They said it was too good to throw away so they just ran it.
Howard said he's thinking of having someone write his now. He said this is apparently a regular practice. He said there was a Mary Tyler Moore episode where they did something like that and read the goofy obituary on the air. He said that Ted Knight was a great character and the man never got any respect.
Howard was about to play the Gaddafi vs. Howard tape but he cut it off saying he's not going to play it again.
Howard said he was asking for donations for this thing but he's not going to give him anything. He said that he would like to ride a bike around the world too. He said the guy isn't going to have any money though. Sussy said he has no bills and he will have emergency insurance when he's out on the road. Howard said that sounds very wise. Sussy said he'll be alright. Howard said he must be an asshole for worrying about this stuff.
Howard said Sussy is upset with Robin for not supporting him on this thing. Sussy said this is the first he's hearing about this. He said he's not upset with Robin. Howard told Sussy that Robin isn't going to donate to him. He said she's got a job where she works hard to make that money.
Howard told Sussy that he's not going to be able to get back into the business if he does this. He said he'll end up living in his parent's basement. Howard said he went out and worked in his 20s. Howard said he didn't have a bike. He worked hard for a living instead.
Sussy said he wants to write too and he has nothing to write about. This is going to give him something to write about. Howard said that it's not going to make him a better writer. He told him that he should be taking a biking class. He told Sussy that he should just write and get critiqued and then write some more. He said he shouldn't be riding a bike. Fred threw in a bike bell sound as they were talking about that.
Sussy said when he got hired there he knew he wasn't going anywhere. He said there is no ladder for him to climb. Howard said he's right about that. Sussy said there other ways to measure success and happiness other than money. Howard said he's miserable at what he does but he's successful. He said he wants to see what Sussy's life is like at 40 when he's living at home with his parents. He said his attitude is way too relaxed.
Howard said if his parents were smart they'd keep him locked out of the house. Sussy said his mom doesn't want him to leave. She was hoping that he'd break a leg or something so he can't go out and do this. Howard said he should get a job at a small town newspaper and start there. He said riding the bike is riding away from your dreams. He said he's like Forrest Gump running away from his problems.
Howard said that Sussy should get a job at a small town paper writing obituaries. He said he would be a writer and he'd be in the game. He said it's the lowest rung of the ladder but that's how you get started.
Sussy said he has a job as a photographer too. He said the magazine he works for is going to let him write a column while he's on this trip. Howard asked Scott DePace what he thinks about this. Scott said he wouldn't let his kid into the house if he told him he was doing this. Sussy said he hasn't asked his parents for a dime. Howard said that his wife is quitting her job to do this trip too. Sussy said that there are no jobs for a teacher in New York anyway so she's writing her thesis about this trip.
Gary said Sussy blogs about this stuff and he was writing about how he was ready to vomit when they were going to replace him there at Howard TV. Sussy said that there are worse things in life.
Robin asked where Sussy is going to start riding. Gary said he's going to ride to Washington DC and then come back for his wife's graduation. He's going to be taking secondary roads down there. He said he rode up to Canada and down the Philly last year. Howard said that if riding a bicycle is going to make him a great writer this isn't going to be the way to do it. Howard said he knew a guy who lost his wife because he wouldn't give up the bike riding. Howard said he wants to be a writer and not a rider. Howard said this is like him saying he wanted to be in the radio business and he was going to ride a bike for a year to do it.
Sussy said he's working 2 jobs right now and living with his in-laws to save money. He said it's just a couple of months that he's been doing that. He said he's doing it to save a few bucks. Howard said that this sounds crazy to him. Robin asked Howard what he would think if his daughter was doing that with her boyfriend. Howard said he'd think they were both nuts.
Howard said Sussy is going nowhere with this. Sussy said he's going 24,000 miles with this. that's where he's going. Howard said he looks nuts with the beard he has too. He said he looks like Abe Lincoln. Howard said he looks kind of Amish with that beard. He said he likes Sussy and he's not even sure why. He said that's why he's spending time with him now.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks about this. Fred said he thinks it's a bad idea. He said maybe he'll come back and prove them wrong in a couple of years and then he'll apologize for that.
Howard told Sussy to ride to small markets and write for some papers. He said that's how he can get into the writing thing.
Sussy said that if they doubled his pay he'd stay. Howard told him he should keep his job and just get his resume together and get in a car and go visit some newspapers, magazines and all of that around the country. He said that he should do that instead of the bike ride. Howard told him to stop smiling too. He said the guy is 26 and he's at a crossroad now. Howard asked what he's going to do. Sussy said he's going on the ride. Howard said his job is gone then. Sussy said that he's been planning this for over a year now. Howard wished him luck but he said his job is gone. He gave him one more chance but Sussy isn't going to stay.
Howard said his wife's parents must hate him. He asked if they're taking all of their money from the wedding and putting it toward this. Sussy said they are. Howard still can't believe that he's doing this. Robin said she didn't know what she was going to do until she was 28. Howard said she was trying different things though. He said this guy is going to be riding a bike. Robin said he can stop at any time if he feels it's a waste of time.
Howard said the poor wife is going to be going on a bike ride after going to graduate school. Howard said this is a nightmare.
Gary said he was looking at his web site (FoodCyclist.com) and he takes donations but he won't take money from big corporations that don't follow his way of thinking. They won't bend their ideals to put a dollar in their pocket according to what it says on their site.
Howard asked about who is sponsoring him. Sussy said they have a bunch of smaller companies sponsoring them. Howard said he feels bad for him. Sussy asked if he'll follow him on Twitter. Howard said no. He said he's not a fan of this. He said he likes Sussy but not his plan.
Howard asked Sussy if he has any dirt on the guys in the back. Sussy said he has plenty but nothing he'll share. Howard wished him luck and let him go. He also got in a plug for his web site FoodCyclist.com and for his Twitter which is @foodcyclist.
Howard wondered if his balls get numb while riding his bike. Sussy was gone so he just spent a minute talking about how his wife is going to get bicycle pussy riding too much. Sussy came back in and said that he does about 50-100 miles a day. He said that when it's cold out he gets numb down there but not usually. He said you get used to it eventually.
Howard told Sussy to get back to work. Gary came in and asked Sussy if he would stop the ride if his wife broke her leg or something. Sussy said that he would stop if she got hurt. Howard said she'll go to the hospital and Sussy will keep riding. Howard said his plan is to ride bikes for a year. Howard said he's going to quit and go play tennis for a year.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if this woman came to him looking for a job after riding a bike for a year. Sussy said she's going to be writing her thesis on organic farming while they do this ride.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is a waste of time. The guy said he would do that job for half the pay he's making now. Howard said Sussy has a dream. Robin said she admires what he's doing. Howard said she does not. Robin said that she does admire people who can do something like this. Howard said Robin would never marry someone like that. Sussy is ripped and he has abs and no fat on him. He said if he came to Robin and said he wanted to ride a bike for a year she'd tell him to get lost.
Sussy said he has a friend who made a life out of doing the bike riding. He does adventures like this around the world and he gets paid for speaking and writing. Howard said the guy speaks to nudniks like this who have that same dream. He said it's like a pyramid scheme. He finds people like Sussy and then Sussy finds more people like him and so on.
Wheels called in and asked how long his girl has been biking. Sussy said that it's been a couple of years. Wheels said you have to have a special seat for women. Sussy said that she does. She's fine.
Howard said he has to get to the Queen of burps. He had to get to someone who has a life. Howard said that he was reading about this guy Garrison Keillor who has a boat where he sings and tells stories on a cruise. He read the article he was talking about and talked about how awful that must be. Howard wondered how many people could possibly sign up for that. Howard read the details and said they should sail by some pirates. Howard said they should go just to see what goes on. Robin said ''No!'' to that. Howard said that it's actually sold out. Robin sounded shocked by that.
Sussy said they're also raising awareness for Farm Aid. Howard wished him luck again and told him not to write him letters telling him he was right.
Steve said that Gary has another kidney stone and his doctor is keeping an eye on that. Howard said he doesn't even want to think about that. Gary said this was a stone that was there previously and it's grown a little bit. He hasn't produced anymore stones. He said it was smaller at the time and he hasn't produced anything new.
Steve said they also have Kidd Chris talking about his latest job loss. He was fired when his station changed format in the middle of his show. Steve said they went to a commercial break at 8:30 in the morning and they flipped the switch and fired him. Howard said they could have told him not to come in that day. He said they did that to him in Detroit when his station switched to country. Howard said he worked with Doug Podel and they switched format in the middle of his show. Howard said they pulled up with a truck full of country records and they threw out all of the rock records. Howard said they asked why they did that to them. Howard said management always fucks you. He said they were afraid that the competitors would find out they were making the switch so they had to keep it a secret. He said it's really not that important to keep it a secret. Howard said he stuck around for a couple of weeks but they didn't like the way he did things there. He said that they liked him as a performer but not the way he was spinning records.
Howard said he feels bad for Kidd Chris. He just bought a house. He said that's the one thing you just don't do as a radio guy. Howard said Kidd Chris should get out and ride a bicycle. He said he can go live in his in-laws basement too. Howard said it just sucks because the guy is married. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that song was like the Kirstie Alley dance clip. He played that clip and it sounded like Godzilla smashing the ground dancing to Cee Lo Green ''Forget You.''
Howard said he finds it interesting when they use pictures of Elizabeth Taylor from when she was young and good looking. Howard said she let herself go years later and she was the other way much longer than she was good looking.
Howard played a voice mail Miss Howard Stern left for them. Andrea is looking to get a pilot license so she can fly places. She can't afford to pay for flights so she wants to get a license and an airplane. She said she will fly a plane into their building if they don't help her out. Howard told Gary to get her an airplane.
Howard said he should get the Queen of Burps in there. He said she's a Guiness book of world records holder. He also mentioned that Beth is going to be on Rachel Ray tomorrow. He said she taped it a week ago but it's airing tomorrow and he has no idea what she's doing on there.
The Queen of Burps came in and Howard sounded shocked by how good looking she was. She has four kids and Howard said she has a good body. Howard asked if her boobs are real. She said they're not. Howard said she looks good in her clothes and asked how they look naked. Howard said that some of them look painful. She said they look good.
Howard asked Queen where she lives and if she has guys hitting on her. She said she has had guys chase her down on the street. She has a 15 year old, two 5 year olds and a 2 1/2 year old. Howard asked if she has bicycle pussy. She didn't know what that was. She said if she did have a bicycle she would have a dick for a seat.
Howard said Queen's name is Jodie and she became the world record holder for the loudest burp but someone took that away from her. She said they had her do 6 burps and they averaged the level. Howard asked how long it took for them to get back to her when she sent in her stuff. She said it was within 4 hours of her sending the videos.
Howard asked how she develops a loud burp. She said she did it when she was young and her brother thought it was awesome. She said she learned to swallow air bubbles. Howard had her demonstrate because he doesn't know how to do that. She did that and told Howard how she does this with liquid too. She let out a couple of burps and Robin and Howard said that was pretty amazing.
Howard said she has a tattoo on her shoulder. She had one on her back too that she showed. Howard asked if she swings at all. She said she didn't want to say. Howard took that as a yes.
Jodie said the loudest burp she had was a 107 on the decibel meter from 8 feet away. She said the girl who took the title only hit a 107.1. She said that she signed away the rights to them changing the rules and that led to them fucking her over. She said she wanted to try again and they won't let her. She said they say that they can't do it because they don't let 13 year olds watch his show. Howard said this segment would be clean though. He didn't understand that.
Howard had Jodie let out some more burps. She was getting up on the decibel meter. He had a reading of 121 at one point.
Howard said that Jodie learned to do this when she was very young. He asked her if she made any money on that. She said she got paid about $3,000 to do a show and she flew to Turkey to do another show for the same money and she was doing pretty well. She did some promotion for Warner Brothers for the Guiness people. She said she's got ring tones for sale. You can find those at QueenOfBurps.com.
Sal came in and asked if she would burp on his cock. She didn't want to do that but Sal whipped it out and told her to shut up and start burping. She said that it looked tiny. Sal thought it was pretty big. She said her husband must have a huge one then.
Howard was going to give her some plugs but Jodie was laughing at Sal and his small penis. Howard said it's a good thing they aren't seeing his. Howard said he's small when he's soft but he gets up to about 6 inches. She said that's perfect for her.
Howard read about Jodie doing this show called Paranormal Hot Squad where Jodie and her hot friends go out looking for ghosts. She said she lives in a haunted house and she believes there are ghosts. She said that her 15 year old son has seen a ghost of a girl in his room. She said she has video of this stuff on her web site. Jodie said that she's had experiences in her house where she's heard Latin music playing in her house when nothing is turned on. She's also had people tell her that they will never stay at her house again after staying there for a weekend. She claims she has proof of it too.
Howard had Jodie give them the best burp she could. She let out a bunch. Howard asked to see her boobs because he heard she'd get topless. Howard said they were good looking when she whipped them out. Howard said she looks really good for having 4 kids. Howard said she's a catch. She said she has a great ass too. Howard checked that out too. He said that was nice too.
Howard asked if she does the burping thing in restaurants. She said she does and she will piss people off enough that they threaten to beat her up. Howard said he bets that she can fight and she must be great in bed too. She said that she wants to fuck an incubus. She explained it all to Howard and said that she was hunting a demon recently and she was trying to get a succubus to impregnate her. Howard said she's a nut.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to get this pig out of the studio. That was Dave, the guy who calls Howard Pinnochio. He told Howard to admit that he's had surgery on that nose. Howard said he did admit it and he told the story when they first got there.
Another caller asked if Jodie likes to be smacked on the ass. She said she doesn't like that. Howard took another call from a guy who asked if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She said she'd do that. She said she has a friend there who is on the Paranormal Hot Squad. She's deaf though. Howard said he doesn't want her in there.
Howard had Gary come in and set up the Sybian. She got on the thing after they had Ronnie telling her to get topless. Howard could tell she wasn't going to get off on this thing. He said she's a nut. She was belching as the thing was vibrating. It wasn't working so Howard gave up. He gave her some more plugs and she belched a few more times as they wrapped up and went to break.
Jackie was on the line and said that he made more money in one day out there than he's made in the past 10 years.
Howard said it drove him nuts when Jackie left the show. Jackie said that he was in a weird place in his life back then and he didn't think there was any other way out of it back then.
Howard said Gary comes in and tells him about what Jackie is up to and he heard that he's taking acting lessons. Jackie said he is and he's doing that with Tom Waits. He said he's doing great. Howard said he thinks that Jackie has the least amount of talent in that area. Jackie said that wasn't very nice. He told him to take that back. Howard took it back. Jackie said he has a movie coming out and it's called ''White Irish Drinkers'' and he's good in it. Howard said he told Gary to look up all of the movies Jackie is in and add up the box office grosses. Gary said they weren't able to find any of the grosses for any of the movies except for one that made $4,000. Jackie asked which one that is because he never got paid.
Howard said he feels bad for Jackie because he's wasting his time and hanging around with losers. Jackie told him to stop it. He said he's doing fine. Howard asked if he has enough money to live out his life. Jackie said Jackie Mason used to say he never had to work again... unless he wants to buy something.
Howard asked Jackie if he needs to die soon. Jackie said he's 73 so he has that covered. Fred said he thinks that he's in his 60s actually. Jackie said he's 63, not 73.
Jackie asked if he would rather be stuck on an island with him, Fred or Robin. Howard said he'd want to be stuck with Robin. Fred believed that because she has a vagina. Jackie said he'd love to see the outcome of that.
Jackie said he has less followers than Mariann from Brooklyn does. He said he had to conceded the loss to her. Howard said that's how bad things have gotten for him. Jackie said he was so miserable back then and he loves to sleep now.
Howard said another thing is that Jackie has a new girlfriend. Jackie said he has a manager and has a girlfriend who are both great. He said he got very lucky and it changes his whole world when you have someone like that. Jackie said Howard knows that.
Howard said that Jackie thanked him for sitting down with him at dinner one night. Howard said he really doesn't have to do that. Jackie said he does. Howard said he makes him sad. He said he gave him every chance to be happy. Jackie told him he's out of his mind. Howard said Jackie will get it one day.
Jackie said if he needs advice for suing his employer he's there to give him advice. Howard said he must have been really happy to see that.
Jackie said he'd like to be able to video tape his show. Howard didn't want to do that. He said he didn't even know he wanted to do that. Howard said Jackie wanted to take his show to other radio stations and he said that was fine. He asked where else Jackie is on now. Jackie said he's on XM.
Jackie got in a plug for an appearance he has coming up on April 1st. Check out Jackie's upcoming dates at Jokeland.com.
Howard asked Fred if he doesn't like Jackie. Fred said that he takes kicks at him out of nowhere and he doesn't appreciate that. Jackie said he heard that Fred is always picking on him on the show. Fred said that's such bullshit.
Howard gave Jackie a plug for this movie he's in and Fred looked it up to see if he was listed on IMDB.com. He wasn't listed. Howard asked if he was edited out. Jackie said he saw it and he's got two lines in it. Fred said he finally found Jackie in there. He was listed as ''Cop.''
Jackie said he's going to the Carnegie deli and he's inviting Howard and Robin out. He said he knows they'd have fun coming out. Howard said he would feel weird. He said he was going to invite him over to his house but he gets angry and jealous. He just can't do it. Robin agreed it would be a bad idea to have him over to his home. Jackie said that's such bullshit. He said that he knows they'd have a good time. Robin said Howard should go over to Jackie's house instead.
Howard said he told Beth he wanted to have Jackie over but he figured he'd say something creepy about his wife and about his house. Jackie said all he did was sign off on an email saying ''say hello to your beautiful wife'' and that's what happens. Howard said he's going to call him a Jew bastard and stuff like that.
Howard said he's excited for this ''White Irish Bastards'' movie. Jackie told him he wants to get together. Howard said they did that and all he did was ask him about his radio show. Howard said he doesn't want to do that.
Howard said he loves Jackie. Robin said she does too and they've had some good times. She just doesn't have time to get together with him. Jackie said they had some great times on the road out in Las Vegas and things like that. Howard said that's what he told him before he left the show. He should have stayed with them.
Howard said he told Jackie how unusual it was for them to get to fly to Vegas and things like that. No one in radio gets to do that. He said it's a horrible business. He said he told Jackie that he was on the roll of his life. Jackie said he loved the show and he loved the job but he was just dying. Howard said he's living the lief of a radio guy now. He's in Hooters calling into the show.
Howard gave Jackie some more plugs for his upcoming show and the movie again. Howard also gave him a plug for his Jackie's Joke Hunt show that's on Howard 101 on Tuesday night. Jackie said he has the guys from the Jersey Boys show coming on this Tuesday.
Howard told Jackie he loves him and wished him luck. Jackie said he really appreciates him letting him call in and he told him to say hello to his beautiful wife. Howard said he would like to socialize with Jackie but it opens up a can of worms. Jackie said that he just wants to go out once. Robin said she's going to invite Jackie to a dinner party she's planning.
Jackie said they had so much fun partying together. He said he threw parties out at his party. That led to them talking about the clams in the garbage can and how he had lobsters in a tank that was barely warm.
Howard played a clip of Jackie from the movie ''The Wicked.'' That was Jackie's big acting gig. Howard played that and let the clip speak for itself. Jackie said he had a role in Leverage last year and he did really well. He said he's going back this year too. Jackie said they're bringing him back to that show. Howard said he will get together with Jackie eventually. He can't say when though. Jackie thanked him again and Howard let him go.
Howard said he really does love Jackie. He said he's a lot of fun. Robin said he's not fun to work with. Howard said that's the distinction. Fred said that the people who work with him on movies and TV don't have to see him day after day after day after day... He kept going. Howard said he won't stop if he doesn't cut him off. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that there's a new book coming out about Bowie. He said it might be a hatchet job. He said they say that he liked Nazi stuff and things like that. Howard said it didn't even sound that intense. He said he does want to read the book though.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned the Queen of Burps and Howard had a guy on the phone who said her burps weren't all that great. He said she was just letting out yells. Howard said the first couple were good. The caller said that was one of the worst bits until Jackie came back on. Howard said they were doing a good show until that.
Jon ran down some more stuff they were going to cover today. Howard said he's sure the Queen of Burps will do well on Howard TV since she shows her tits and all of that. Gary said the other thing that's good is that they have back stage footage and Sal was really shaken by her saying he had a small dick. He was going around asking people if it was really that small. He was really shaken by that.
Jon wrapped up his show preview after running through a few more things. Jackie came up again so Howard asked if Robin is going to go out to dinner with him. Robin said she'll invite him to a dinner party but she won't be going out with him. She said she's going to leave it a surprise for Howard if she actually invites him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he bought 6 copies of his Rolling Stone magazine. He said his show has brought him a lot of joy and he has adapted the show to his life. Howard asked if he's neurotic too. The guy said he masturbates a lot. The guy was going on a little too long so Howard said he had to roll. He let him go and said he had no idea where the guy was going or what he was talking about. He said he liked the guy though.
Howard had a clip of a reporter who sounded kind of odd when he got on the air doing a news report. He played the clip and the guy had some trouble getting his words out. Howard said they had the guy checked out after that and he was fine but it was an odd thing. Robin asked if he was having a stoke too. Howard said something was going down there. He said it's scary that you can just lose it like that. Robin said that's the second one that happened.
Howard had another clip of a news story where they watched Charlie Sheen kissing Jimmy Kimmel on his show. The reporter was talking about what happened. Howard paused it and said he's surprised that Jimmy didn't punch out Charlie for doing that. He said you don't know where that guy has been.
Howard played more of the clip and the reporter said that a man was set off by this scene when they saw it. This woman said that she saw this man kissing a man and she's no gay man so it was a shock to her. That led to her fighting with her man. Then the guy got a gun and pointed it at his girlfriend's head and threatened to kill her and a 14 year old kid. He ended up getting arrested. They said that his time in jail may have led to him being so sensitive to homosexual behavior. Howard said that's some great news casting there.
Howard had Mutt on the phone to promote his Superfan Roundtable show. Mutt said the fans are going to want to talk about the lawsuit but they're going to avoid that and talk about some other stuff. He said that they'll talk about T-Rob and how he might be good on the Black on Black show. Mutt said they'll also talk about Ronnie and dressing the girl. He said they'll talk about Jackie's call to the show too. He said he thinks that they should get together for that party. Howard thanked Mutt for the call and let him go.
Robin started her news with a story about whose jersey is the most popular in major league baseball. Howard said it should be Jeter. Robin said he was right. She said they were basing that on sales of jerseys.
Robin read about how a survey that was done about mothers and if they know what they look like. Robin said the obese women thought they were thinner than they actually were.
Robin said there was an incident at Reagan International Airport yesterday. They had to land a plane without Air Traffic Control because they weren't able to get anyone on the radio. Robin said two planes landed without assistance.
Howard asked Robin if he's better looking than Steve Buscemi. Robin said he is. She said he's better looking than Paul Giamatti too. Howard said he thinks he's right down there with them. Robin told him to stop it.
Robin read more about the air traffic controller thing and there isn't a good explanation for what happened yet. Robin said that the two planes are lucky they landed without incident.
Howard said that he's glad that the 59th Street Bridge is going to be called the Ed Koch bridge. He said the guy was a great mayor. Robin asked if he's actually going to call it that. Howard said he would. Robin said that the Triboro Bridge is now called the RFK bridge and Howard didn't know that. That led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about Larry King writing about Elizabeth Taylor in his column. Robin said that her death came as a shock to him. Robin had some audio of Larry talking about her. Robin told some stories about the things Liz did to her friends and how she got some of the guys she was with. Robin had some audio of Carrie Fisher talking about how much her father loved Liz. She had a few other clips of people who knew Liz talking about her.
Howard took a call from someone who was sleeping on the phone. Howard left the guy on the line as Robin read some more news about Elizabeth Taylor. The guy woke up and asked if he's pro-nuke or anti-nuke. Howard said he knows that we need a cheaper source of power but this mess in Japan is showing how dangerous it can be. He said he doesn't trust the people who are in charge. He said he has an Apple computer and it's supposed to be the easiest thing to use but even that has problems. The caller said that he's always talking about nuking other countries so how can he be against it. Howard said he's all for killing other people but not for this nuclear power plant thing.
Robin said that the God Hates Fags people are coming out against Elizabeth Taylor because she was friendly toward gays.
Robin read about a guy who allegedly killed several cats by suffocating them in plastic bags. Howard asked why anyone would do that. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the animal cruelty charges that he's going to have.
Howard said he heard about a guy in Turkey who raped a dog and then killed it. Howard said this is a crazy story. They apparently have an epidemic of dog rape over there. Howard said the story made him so sick he didn't even print it out. He said this is why we need nukes to nuke countries with people like that in it.
Robin read about a cat whose DNA helped get some kids convicted of killing it by setting it on fire. Howard said those kids need to be in therapy. He said he shouldn't be in therapy, they should.
Robin had some audio of the Dallas mayor talking about an altercation he had with his wife. In the clip he was talking about how she gets into fits of rage and he had a problem with her recently. Howard wondered why they weren't able to mic the guy properly. He did an impression of the muffled audio that he had just heard.
Robin read about the war planes flying over Libya and what's going on over there. Robin said that they were trying to stop Gaddafi's tanks but weren't able to do it. Robin said they stopped attacks during the day.
Robin said that 70 percent of people in the country are for this attack. Robin said there are some who don't want ground troops going over there though. Howard said he's against what we're doing over there. He said we should let them kill each other over there. He said that they try to help and we make things even worse. He said they'll all be yelling ''fuck America'' when we're done. He said it always backfires on us.
Robin read a story about some tainted tap water over in Japan. She said they have radiation levels that are too high for infants in this area. Robin said they are giving out bottled water in that area. Howard said this is so bad. Robin said they may be seeking bottled water from other countries soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever run into an ex of Beth's. Howard said he has run into a couple and they seemed like nice guys. Howard said he went to see one perform in a band. He said he was very nice and talented. Howard said he seemed like a good guy but he doesn't like it that she dated anyone else. Howard said Beth got to date a lot and she got to meet a lot of people. He said that she met a gem like him and recognized how great he was. Howard said he was like a beacon of light to her. He said he's honored that these guys were great guys and he's head and shoulders above them.
The caller wondered if they were better sexually. Howard said he wonders about that stuff. He said that drives him crazy so he has to put it out of his mind. The guy told him not to let Sussy go because he makes him look good with that lighting.
Howard said Beth sent him a text out of the blue about how much she loves being married to him. He said he wrote back ''me too.'' Robin said that in the past he would have said she was right and it is great to be married to him. Howard said the text was very nice and he loved getting that after the show. Howard said maybe he'll be able to get Robin a man one of these days. Robin told him not to set her up again. That guy he tried to set her up with had nothing in common with her.
Robin read a story about a food fight that erupted on a subway. Howard said he saw the video of it. Howard said one woman complained about the smell of another woman's food and she ended up throwing the food. Howard said it was a white woman complaining about a black woman's food. He said that was very brave. Robin said the MTA is considering banning food from the subway cars. They have decided against that though. Robin said there's also a problem with groping on the subway. Howard said guys are disgusting. He said that there are guys who will whip out their dick and start masturbating to women. He said it's so gross. Robin said the MTA is urging subway riders to let them know when they see things like that going on.
Robin read about last night's American Idol and had some audio from the show. Howard played a couple of clips and talked about how great Creedence Clearwater Revival was doing ''I Heard it Through the Grapevine.'' Howard said no one can do it better than that. He played some of their performance. That led to Gary coming in and talking about John Fogarty getting fucked over when a guy stole his songs and sued him for sounding too much like him.
Robin read some news about the show Glee and how they have a new album coming out. Robin said the album is set to hit stores on April 19th. They'll be covering popular songs on the album.
Robin read about Chris Brown and how he's being invited back to ABC. Robin said that Good Morning America wants him back and so does Dancing with the Stars.
Robin read about Suri Cruise, Tom and Katie's daughter, going to a show with her mom and handling penis gummy bears. Howard asked what she's talking about. There are no penis gummy bears. Robin said she's just reading the story. She said the candy was shaped like a penis. Howard said they're usually snakes or something. Robin said Suri is only 5 years old. She was wearing lipstick and high heels when she was photographed handling the gummies.
Robin read about the jury selection for the doctor accused of killing Michael Jackson. She also had some news about Lindsay Lohan and her court case. She's not taking a plea deal like Robin reported yesterday.
Robin read about the rise of hospital visits thanks to the drug ecstasy. She said it has been on the rise for years.
Robin had some audio of Vanessa Hudgens talking about her new movie. Robin also had some audio of Russell Brand talking about the movie ''Hop'' too. Howard said he read that it's over between him and Katy Perry. He said he needs him to come in there and talk about that. Robin wrapped up and ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Gary said he found it odd that she would take her top off but not talk about swinging. Benjy said there's nothing wrong with either thing but for a woman who is married to fuck other people is a huge deal in his opinion. Gary said it might be a little bit of a big deal. She wasn't very inhibited about much. Will said he agrees with Benjy on that. He said that being topless isn't that big of a deal but swinging is.
Jon said that Sal tried to take her up on the burping on his penis thing and he got goofed on about the size of his penis. Sal said that it's not that small. It's average sized. Gary said he pulls on it to make it look bigger. Sal said he had tuckage today and it was packed in there tightly today. He said he had to pull it out.
Gary said she was laughing so hard at him and it was coming from her gut. Sal said she was laughing at his manhood. Gary said she was on her side on the couch laughing hard. Jon said that he was genuinely hurt. Sal said he didn't expect it. He said when you point and laugh that really rattled him.
Gary asked Sal if he's never ready for something like that. Sal said in that case he wasn't. He said he was trying to throw her off her game and it backfired on him. Gary said he should expect stuff like that though. Sal said he thought he had an average sized penis so this was a shock to him.
Sal said his dick works pretty damn well. He said it might be small but it turns into the Incredible Hulk when it's big. The guys all said that every guy says that. Sal said that he had a Puerto Rican chick name it he Hulk when she saw how big it got.
Benjy asked if the guys think that girls know flaccid and growing. They said they must. Sal said that girls are obsessed with big tits and they don't realize that guys would bang them no matter what. He said that they don't need to inflate their tits. He said that his penis size shouldn't matter that much. He said it may not be huge but it won't get in the way of a girl saying no or yes to having sex. Gary asked why it bothers him so much then. Sal said every guy would like to have more but you get what you get.
Sal said that he goes to the gym and he takes a glance at guys in the showers. He said that he's about average based on what he's seen. He said he saw one guy who he was hoping would be small but he was hung like a fire hydrant. He said that he saw a mentally challenged guy who he figured would have a big one but he had a small one. He said that he has observed a lot so he knows. He said that he's seen oriental's who are pretty average looking too.
Jon asked Gary how Sal was acting in the back. Gary said he was really upset about the shots Jodie was taking at him. Sal said he thought it was funny and he wasn't expecting that back. He said he has to take those shots though.
Sal said he has seen a lot of free balling in the gym. He said there was one guy blow drying his balls by the sink in the gym. He said that's just not right. Gary said that he and Stuttering John used to talk about that. He said that they used to work out together and there was a salesman who would free ball at the gym with them. He said some guys just like doing that. Gary said John would almost fuck the locker trying to hide his junk from everyone.
Sal said it's almost more manly to just flaunt your junk instead of hiding it. He said he wanted to see one of his neighbors there at the gym but he missed it. He said he actually reports on that stuff at wine nights with the neighbors. Sal said he figures that Jon Hein would be average sized. He said it's just a curiosity thing with him. He said he isn't very open himself all the time. He said he's actually self conscious about it except when he's there at work.
Sal said he hasn't really seen a small one around. He said that he will bring up the penis size thing in groups of people.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she has been with a guy who had a smaller penis and she kind of shied away from having sex with him. Benjy asked if she decided not to during a make out session. She said that she felt around with him before anything happened. Benjy asked if she told him before it happened. Sal said he gets what she's saying. She was disappointed before he even got hard. He said if your dick is tiny then you're screwed. He said women really do care about the size. They went to break a short time later.
Sussy came in and said that he was on the show a year ago and he had asked Robin if she wanted to get together for a meal to talk about what he's doing with food and what she's doing. He said it wasn't about money. He said there is no love lost there and he's not sure how this money thing came up.
Jon asked Sussy if he thought Robin would come through for him. Sussy said he never expected her to. Gary asked Sussy about his conspiracy theories and how he thinks that companies make seeds that fail after just one year. Sussy said they're not conspiracy theories. He said they make seeds that become sterile after one year so you have to buy them year after year. Sussy said that it's DePace that thinks that it's a conspiracy theory. He said he's trying to show the positive side of things and show how this stuff can be sustainable.
Jon asked Sussy if he thought twice about things when Howard said he should stay there. Sussy said when he decided to do this trip he didn't know if he was going to have a job. Now he's signed on for more time but he's going to move on and do this trip. He said he doesn't want to let people down by not doing the trip either.
Benjy asked Sussy why he became a lighting guy. He said he just found his niche in college and he felt it was the right road to go down. Sussy said this job thing didn't sink in until they had 10 people come in to be interviewed. He said they had to find someone good enough to replace him so that was kind of nice.
Benjy said he understands Howard telling him he has to take care of himself but he doesn't see how he's not planning to do that.
Gary said if he was leaving to do lighting somewhere else he'd understand why Howard would be upset. He said Sussy doesn't want to do this anymore so that's why he's leaving. He wants to do something else so he has to leave if he wants to do that.
Benjy said he once took a test to be an Amtrak conductor. He said he thought it would be cool to be traveling across the country all the time. Jason said he kind of thought the same way when he was a kid. He also said he wishes he had gone to Europe after college but he's glad he took this job.
Jason said Sussy should be okay after this. He said even if the bike ride thing doesn't work out he'll be able to find a job. He said Robin was really wrong thinking that it would hurt his wife's chances of getting a job. He said that it can help her get a job actually.
Jon asked Will if he regrets not having those life experiences. Will said he did take a semester off of college and worked as a ski lodge as a bum. He said it was a good experience and it didn't live up to what he thought it would.
Benjy asked Sussy why he's going down to Washington DC first and then coming back. Sussy said he wanted to go somewhere in Maryland and he figured he would go down to the brewery and learn about beer. Gary asked if he can drink and still cycle. Sussy said this will work for his trip and it's a local business and he wants to learn about that kind of thing. Jason said it sounds like he's taking a month off just to learn about breweries. Jason said he knows he could do a minimum of 3 miles. Gary said he could do 40-45.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was a cyclist and he had a muscle that he injured doing that. He said the muscle between your balls and ass can get hurt. Sussy said he's been riding a lot for years so he has built that up and he'll be fine. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he gets what Artie's issues were because he was working really hard hours on the weekends and stuff.
Jon asked if Jackie getting the dinner with Howard and Robin is his way of getting back into the mix. Gary said it might be. He said he might miss the parties they had and the fun they had. Jason said that Jackie doesn't seem to do much unless there's an ulterior motive for him. He said that Howard seems to have forgotten about Jackie calling him a ''Jew bastard'' the night he went out to dinner with him. Jon asked if Fred not talking about Jackie gets under Jackie's skin. Gary said he's talked about him on the show before. He has spoken very rationally about Jackie and that may upset Jackie even more.
Gary said Jackie will email him to get on the show and he starts every email off with a Baba Booey reference like ''Flolie'' or something like that. He said he wouldn't start off with something like that when he's asking a favor.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to talk about Sussy. He said that there's nothing wrong with following your dreams but what he's doing sounds like a nightmare. Sussy said he's done it before and he's had a fantastic time. He stays at stranger's houses and stuff. Ralph said he's going to end up finding someone really weird eventually. Sussy said he networks with people before he goes out on his ride. He said there's a network called WOOF where they teach you about organic farming and let you stay in their homes. Ralph said that's kind of scary. Benjy told him to be careful if they have a book called ''To Serve Bike Riders.'' The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 9:40am.