|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about his strange sleeping pattern which is continuing. He said he was up at 2:30 this morning which was 1:30 before the time change. Robin said she had the same problem. Howard said his psychiatrist would ask ''What's going on?'' Howard said he'd just say he can't sleep. It's only been going on a week or two. He said he's charged up.
Robin asked how he's doing otherwise. Howard said he's loving the new computers and he was video chatting with Jon Hein, Jimmy Kimmel and Gary Dell'Abate. Howard said it's Gary's birthday today and he's 50 years old. Howard said he thinks of him being 20 years old and now he's 50. Howard said he looks so old and he hasn't aged a bit himself. Howard said you can go 4 people at a time doing the iChat thing. He said that they can see people in cubes and stuff and it's really cool.
Howard said he has an iPad 2 and he's so into apple all of a sudden. He said he isn't doing a commercial for the company but he's really into this stuff. Robin asked if Ralph is the one who got him into this. Howard said he wished he had done this years ago. He said he's trying to figure out how to replicate iPhoto across a bunch of computers. He said that does facial recognition and it's really cool. He told Robin she has to do this and get Apple computers. He told her to drop a ton of dough just like he did.
Howard said the new iPad is fantastic too. He said he's walking around with that and a DVD player in his car. He said he has the whole thing figured out now. He said he's so charged up that he can't even sleep. He said Jon Hein is able to look at what's on his computer and log in and fix it. He said he actually did that for him from his house. Howard told Robin she has to listen to him and do the same thing. Robin said she thinks that he's making this up and it's not as cool as it really is.
Howard said he was doing the video chat but he can tell he's going to burn out on it. He said he was on with Jimmy instead of being on the phone. He said he can do that and not be charged for it. Howard said he doesn't have an iPhone but he's thinking about getting one because he can get a keyboard that attaches to it. He said he'd love to have that integration.
Howard said he's ''no nukes'' now because of what's going on over in Japan. He said they have a reactor melting down over there and it's a mess. He said we have to be able to harness the power of the ocean. He said Steve Jobs has to start working on this. He said the country needs him. He said he has to make an iCar and more. Robin said he hasn't started working on that.
Fred said he thinks that Steve should be able to tell them now to fix the car industry. Howard said Bill Gates just sits there making money off of Windows while Steve is innovating. Howard said he's doing it all.
Howard said that Bill Gates is busy with Malaria. He said they could get rid of that with 3 letters... DDT. He said that they need a fly swatter and DDT. He said he's trying to invent something that was already invented. Howard said someone already did it. He said he realized that he was duped by the PC side. He said he's an Apple guy now.
Howard said he loves Apple. He said that the screen is beautiful. Robin said that the Droid took over Apple in the phone thing. Howard said that's because there are so many companies making it. Howard asked Fred about his iPhone and he loves it. Howard said that he can get a keyboard for the iPhone for 69 bucks. Robin said she was about to go Droid. Howard told her to calm down. He told her not to do a thing until he gets a hold of her.
Howard said everything he does will be topless ''T-O-P-L-E-S-S'' Gary came in and told Howard that Bryan Adams, the musician, is a photographer now. Howard said that's what he's going to be doing too.
Howard said he likes Katie Couric as a reporter but he heard her talking about how they pay teachers ''a hundreds and twenty five thousand'' instead of ''hundred twenty five thousand.'' He said she's wrong about that. Howard said that when you're talking about education and talk like that then it's just not right.
Howard said Jimmy was in Bora Bora and they announced the tsunami was coming and they were apologizing to him when he asked if that was true. Howard said they marched everyone up a mountain to get to high ground. He said that Jimmy said it was insane. Howard said that it must have been weird because those people helping him out were now showing him high ground. He said they were carrying towels and he couldn't figure out why. They spread the towels on the ground and started serving lunch on the mountain.
Howard asked Jimmy why he would go to Bora Bora. Jimmy wanted to get away so he wouldn't have to work. Howard said he hears Bora Bora and thinks there's noting going on. Howard said Jimmy is doing okay now. He made it home safely.
Robin said she heard about the tsunami hitting the West Coast but by the time they got there the waves weren't so bad.
Robin talked about the meltdown of the reactor in Japan and how there could be more. People have been exposed to radiation and they'll be getting iodine pills soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had checked out the show ''Shameless'' on HBO yet. Howard said he knows about the show. He heard that the chick on the show is hot. He said that he hasn't watched it yet.
Howard said he found a toiletry bag that he really liked and he's going to be going to L.A. soon so he needed that. Howard said he wanted a bag to carry all of his gizmos in too. He has a lot of stuff to carry.
Howard said that he figured out how to buy this bag he liked. He said that it took him like 20 minutes to fill everything out and make the purchase. He said he filled the fucking thing out and hit ''done'' and it told him the credit card information was wrong. He said he had to start all over again. He went through it 3 times and it took him like an hour and a half. He still didn't have the information right. He said he hasn't shopped online once.
Howard said he didn't have the phone number for his billing address. He said it's one of 7 people's number. He said that he doesn't do this stuff on his own so he doesn't know what it is. He said this famous bullshit isn't working. He said he has no idea what the number is and he has no idea who to call. He said that he's not sure what number to use and he tries to figure it out.
Howard said Beth called and asked what he was doing. Howard said he was in pain from looking at the screen so long. He said he let out a moan and she knows what's going on. He said he wanted to do this on his own but she wanted to help. Howard said he told her what he wanted to do and she told him that he should put his assistant's name on it. Howard said he can't do anything himself.
Howard said Beth came up and tired to help him out. He said she was on there for a half hour. Howard said that you have to do things on your own. That's what he figured out from that.
Howard said he got this clock that stopped working and he had no idea how to set it up. Gary told Howard to get a clock from Brookstone. He said the thing sets the time on its own. He said that you don't set the time. He said you set the alarm and it's easy. Howard said he wants it to be easy. Gary told him it's small and it'll work for him. He told him to buy it online. Howard told him to send him the information and he'll try to order it online.
Gary said that there might be a store near him. Howard said he doesn't care. He wants to order it online. Howard told him to send it to Laura so she can buy it online. Gary said the clock is great. Howard said he had a big clock radio but it took up too much space. He said he doesn't care about music. He just wants it to beep. Gary said this clock is perfect for him then.
Howard said he saw a scale that weighs you and sends the information to the computer so you can chart your weight. He said that it's fantastic. He saw it and wanted it. Howard said he got it for his birthday. He said he didn't know how to install it so he had his computer guy, Matt, set it up. He said he got it all set up and tried weighing himself. He said that it weighed him and 3 days later the thing has crashed. He said he wants to throw it out now. He said it should be just a scale and he's going to throw it out the fucking window. He said this thing is too complicated.
Howard said he was reading about some kids who were trying to get other people to take their SAT tests. He said kids are really smart these days. He said that they're really crooked too. He said he was watching 60 Minutes last night and they were showing these prescription drugs hat are being made that are fake. He said the stuff isn't the real thing. He said they're making them look real but they're not.
Howard called Sal in and told him that the stuff he's taking could be this stuff. Sal didn't seem too worried about it but he said he is going to be weaning himself off the fake nicotine stuff. He said he's going to see an infection specialist this week too. He said he may have Lyme disease.
Howard told Sal he's taking drugs from strange countries. He said that's what the problem is. Howard told Sal to get off of all of that stuff. He told Sal not to worry about his hair falling out and just get off the drugs.
Richard told Howard that Sal got some of that nicotine stuff on his cock one day and it burned his cock. Sal just said ''Whatever.''
Howard said he heard Richard's dad on the answering machine. He said he loves that guy and the stuff he talks about doing. Howard said that Richard had to have another root canal on the same tooth he had one on. He said that he told Richard to use those stimudent things. He said that his doctor told him that his gums are healthier than anyone. He said that he uses those things so much he doesn't even bleed when he gets a cleaning. Richard said he brushes his gums and he's trying to fix that.
Richard said they went in and fixed the tooth. Howard said Richard used to just wipe his teeth with a bath towel instead of brushing. Richard said the first time he went to the dentist in New York he had like 22 cavities.
Howard had the audio of Richard's dad talking about what he heard about Sal getting dizzy and stuff. He said it might be Diabetes. He said they know people with Diabetes and he should get checked out for that.
Howard played another message that his dad sent about Taco Tico. In that message he said that he had some bad news for him and said that the place is closed down. He also said he met a fan of Richard's out somewhere when he gave his name. He said that Richard has fans all over the place.
Howard and the guys had some fun doing their impressions of Richard's dad. Richard said he got some Taco Tico from a friend who sent it in the mail. He said he got them and they were all wet from the ice the guy put in the package. He said he ate them anyway. Richard said he didn't get sick from eating them either. Sal said he liked that Richard's dad had bad news about Taco Tico while people are floating around dead in Japan. Howard replayed the message from his dad where he says they have bad news. They all got a laugh out of that.
Richard told Howard about Sal coughing insanely in the office. He had some audio of that. Howard asked if that's his new illness. Sal said he thinks it's from quitting the electric cigarette. Howard said he probably damaged his lungs form using that stuff. Sal said he's hoping he didn't. Howard played the audio and Sal was coughing and hacking up a lung. Sal said he can't even laugh anymore. He said that clip sounded like his wife when she's blowing him too. Howard goofed on him for a minute about that.
Sal said that he got stressed out when he thought he had a brain tumor so he stopped with the fake cigarettes. Sal said he went to the doctor and he told him that he doesn't have a brain tumor. He said that the headache might be a migraine equivalent. He said that the Lyme disease thing didn't come out positive or negative so he asked a friend to check it out. He said the doctor told him he's fine.
Howard asked Sal if he's still taking that Propecia. Sal said he might take something else. He said this stuff is actually called Appecia. Howard said the story he saw on 60 Minutes showed the stuff they put in these fake drugs and it can be poisonous.
Howard said Doug Goodstein sent him some tape of the guys in the back dancing to that Pump It song he played last week. He had the guys play that for them in the studio. Howard said it was kind of cool seeing everyone out there dancing. Howard said people like this song. He said it's horrible to him though.
Howard had the guys showing the dancing clip but they put it up at the wrong time. He said they'll have this stuff up on Howard TV. He said Lisa G can really dance too. He said she's back there in the office dancing during that clip.
Howard said he couldn't stop saying that line where Charlie Sheen says ''Winner, winner chicken dinner... I don't think so.. Winner, winner Sheen dinner.'' That led to Howard playing the prank call they made using Charlie Sheen audio clips. Howard went to break after that. He said that Bradley Cooper is going to be in today so he's hoping to set Robin up with him.
Howard came back and said that Jewel was in a car accident over the weekend so he emailed her about that. He said that she's okay. Robin said he's so connected. Howard said he wrote to her and asked if her looks were intact. She said they were so he figured she was fine. Robin said she's pregnant and the baby is fine too. Howard said she credits her car for saving her life. A fire truck hit her. Howard said it ran a light or something but it's all alleged. He said that he really doesn't know what happened.
Fred played the clip of Ronnie saying ''Topless'' over and over. He said that he wanted to hear that clip of Ronnie asking that chick to come up there and get topless. He said he loves that. Fred played the clip which was during the Debbie the bird lady segment from a recent show. Sal and Richard called in with those clips of Ronnie and had Debbie the Bird Lady yelling at him as he was asking her to get topless over and over again.
Howard got a few laughs out of that clip. He said that woman sent a rambling letter to them. He said that it was so long he didn't get through the whole thing. He said they have to figure out something to do with her. He said that her family thinks that she doesn't like them or something and she's really paranoid. He said it was great.
Howard said the tsunami produced a new Captain Janks call. He called MSNBC. Howard said he's so good at impersonating an expert that it's scary. He strings them along for a while and he keeps them going. He said the anchor is very impressed with Janks until he realizes that he's being messed with.
Howard played the clip and Janks calls in as a guy who claims he was in Japan and saw the earthquake. Janks keeps the guy talking about the tsunami for a couple of minutes and then tells the guy that they're looking for someone to fix the parks and recreation there like Baba Booey. He also threw in a Charlie Sheen ''Winning!'' at the end of it. The news guy chuckles and keeps going with the news.
Howard had Janks on the line so he asked him if they check the call back number. Janks said they were looking for anyone with information and he got through with someone else's name. He said that the name was a guy who called another show. Janks said that people can follow him on Twitter @KingCranks.
Howard let Janks go and took another call. the caller asked if he had watched any porn on his iPad 2. Howard said he hasn't. He's going to use the old one for that. He's going to keep the new one clean.
Debbie told Howard she takes things to heart and she took his criticisms to heart. She said that some guy told her that he knows her mother and he's going to tell her about what she said. She said she wrote some stuff in there that she shouldn't have. That's why she's so upset. She sounded like she was about to cry.
Debbie was screaming so high that it was unintelligible. Robin said only dogs could hear that. Howard was laughing at Debbie as she was screaming at him. She told Howard that he ruined her life.
Howard asked Debbie if she would pose topless for him. She said she won't be doing that. She won't get topless. Howard had Ronnie come in to talk to her. Ronnie told her to come up there to the show and get topless. She was screaming at him and Ronnie kept telling her that she'll do it. She said she's not getting topless, ever. Ronnie kept revving her up telling her she would do it. Debbie was screaming at the top of her lungs again. She kept going and had everyone laughing at her screaming.
Howard asked Debbie what she did and why she's so upset. She said she has family that watches the show and they'll know what she was doing. She said that it hurts her. Howard told her to calm down and get topless now. She said she's not going to do that today. She doesn't get fucking topless. She started to calm down but Fred played Ronnie's ''Topless'' clips over and over. She got more and more upset and got louder and louder yelling at him. She sounded like she was about to cry again. Debbie was telling him that she wanted her sister to get on. Howard put her on hold and said he'd get her on the line too. Howard put Debbie on hold and had Gary take down the number. He went to break while they did that.
Howard asked Donna if it was tough being Debbie's sister. Debbie said she was the ugly duckling so it was tough for her. Donna said Debbie wasn't the ugly duckling. Howard kept asking Donna questions but Debbie would answer. Howard asked if they ever tried to get her help by institutionalizing her. Donna said that she didn't do that. She said that she's legally separated herself. She told Howard that she was married for 21 years and her husband cheated on her with a black woman. Donna said she's pretty sexy and hot for a 50 year old. She said she's hot looking. Howard asked if she would come down there and get topless. She asked how much he'd pay him. Howard said they can work something out.
Howard asked Debbie if she would get topless. Howard had Ronnie clips ask Donna if she would get topless. She kept asking about what she'd get paid.
Howard said that Debbie sent them a letter. Debbie interrupted and said she didn't send it to Howard. She sent it to Will. Howard asked what's going on with her and the family. Donna said the family is screwed up and she's not lying about that. She said they come from a very bad background. She said that Debbie is the way she is because of that. Howard said she's clearly odd but what is that? Donna said she's actually a funny, good hearted person.
Howard asked Debbie what her problem is. Debbie said that her mother paid her more mind than her. Howard thanked Donna for calling in because he wasn't getting much out of this. He kept Debbie on for a little longer.
Howard had the guys in the back play some Hate Man audio clips to get Debbie riled up again. She was yelling at him within seconds. They had him calling her names and that got her going even more. She was screaming at the clips.
Howard let Debbie off the hook and told her to have a nice day. She said that she might be able to get into it with him some day but he's just playing games. Howard told her to come in there like a man and tell them what's in that letter. She said she will do that one day when they can have a real interview. She told Howard to have a nice day. Howard let her go. Howard said that was some interview.
Howard said he hasn't seen the pictures of Dr. Laura out in the lobby since he started complaining. He said he has to thank management for that.
Howard said he's impressed with Lisa's dancing in that Howard TV clip. He had her read her headlines a minute later. Lisa said tonight is Gary's big night for getting on the Parks and Recreation committee. Lisa said they're going to be covering it live. Howard said they'll have all of this on their Twitter account @SternShow.
Lisa said that Gary's wife is going to be there for him tonight. There are some news stories about how he's participating in a mockery of his town. Howard said he's just trying to be on the board.
Howard mentioned they have a contest coming up where someone will get to feel up a Penthouse pet. Lisa got to more of her headlines and they mentioned that Bradley Cooper was there.
Lisa said that George Takei has spoken to them about what's going on in Japan. She said that they head from some fans about that too. Lisa said that they spoke to a doctor about Benjy's hoarding too. They suggested that he see a therapist about that. Lisa wrapped up a short time later. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he read that he didn't get his first acting job until he was 26 years old. Bradley said that's true. Howard asked if he ever thought about getting out of the business. Bradley said he thought about doing that last week. Howard asked if he thinks that Renee Zellwegger won't be with him if he's out of the career. Bradley gave him a ''Hey oh!'' for that.
Howard asked Bradley if he thought he was going to get more work after doing ''The Hangover.'' He was wondering if he still has to audition. Bradley said he still does. He said he tested for the Green Lantern and they told him they didn't want him. Howard asked if that destroys him. Bradley said he felt relieved actually.
Howard said he got a script this weekend and he was thinking about doing it but it might be harder than he thinks. He asked Bradley if he has that problem. Bradley said he can feel that way at times.
Bradley told Robin that they have a common friend by the name of Gypsy. They were actually all going to have dinner together. Robin said that she and Bradley were texting because of Gypsy. Bradley also told Howard that he's from Philly an he and his friends had a pep rally trying to get Howard to stay there when the FCC was trying to get rid of them. He said he was in 6th or 7th grade at the time and they used to stand at the bus stop listening to the show. He said he would sit in the car listening to the show with his mom. He said he had the headphones with the radio on the bus and he had to find the best place to listen. He said his friends were twins and they were the ones who arranged this rally for Howard. He said he was the silent fan.
Bradley told Howard that the teachers were split on the whole thing. He said they can't say how much they like the show though. They were excited about how organized the kids were though.
Howard noticed Bradley had a wedding ring on his right hand. Bradley said that his father died and that's his ring. He said he just passed away in January.
Howard asked Bradley about how he got out to Los Angeles. He said that he didn't go out until JJ Abrams hired him to do Alias. Howard said JJ never hired him to do anything but he knows the guy. Bradley said that Paul Giamatti is going to be in Hangover Part 2. He said he got to work with him on that.
Howard asked Bradley about how Zach Galifianakis got Mel Gibson kicked off of the new Hangover movie. Bradley wasn't getting into too much detail about that. Bradley told Howard that he loved that prank call he made about getting the Elephant Man bones form Michael Jackson. He said he was a fan of the Elephant Man so he had this dilemma in his mind while listening to that prank call.
Howard asked Bradley when he got up on stage for the first time. He said he did something at 8 years old but then he didn't do anything until he was a senior in high school. Bradley said he didn't want to do this thing they did at school but he did impressions of his teachers. Howard asked if he was a jock or what. Bradley said he was like a hybrid.
Howard asked Bradley about going to Georgetown and if he studied acting there. Bradley said it's an amazing school. He said that he did study there. Bradley told Howard about what he was learning there and how they treated him. He said that he really wasn't doing a good job even though he thought he was.
Howard asked Bradley what his parents thought he was going to get into. He said they knew he was going to be an actor. He said that his father may have thought he was going to outgrow it. He said that his father was a stock broker. He said the thought of his son becoming an actor may have excited him though.
Bradley told Howard that he went to a class where he had Ellen Bursten teaching. He said that was just incredible. He said he didn't know jack shit before he went to that class. He said that he didn't know how to look at a script or how to deconstruct it. He said he learned a lot in that 3 years.
Howard asked Bradley what kind of money he can make on a film now. He said that he made $5 million on the Hangover part 2. He said that's amazing to him. Howard said that his acting friends must be shocked too. He said that he has friends who are acting but they haven't made it as far as he has. Howard asked if he ever gave up his optimism. Bradley said he had doubts just days ago. He said he thinks he did a good job in Limitless. Howard said he really did.
Howard asked Bradley about going back to see James Lipton after all these years and seeing him again. He said that it must be great to have been taught in his class and they getting interviewed. Bradley talked about that experience. Howard asked if James Lipton asked to smell his fingers because of all of the women he's banged.
Howard said he read that Bradley fucked Denise Richards. He said he heard about him dating Renee Zellwegger too. Bradley told Howard she loves him. Howard said she sent him a beautiful bible for his wedding. He said that she's so friendly and personable that he thought he could have fucked her years ago. Howard said he thinks that the answer would be yes if he asked her if he could have gotten her back then. Bradley said he could be right. Howard asked how he met her. Bradley met her on a movie. He said they met 6 years ago on ''Case 39.'' Howard asked if they've been together for all this time. He said they haven't. Howard said that he met her and then what. Bradley said they did the movie together and he didn't see her for a long time. He got married in that 6 years.
Howard said he doesn't understand how he can get married and divorced so quickly. Bradley said things were good while they were dating. He said they went out for a year and a half. He said that he didn't want to talk about who it was. Gary said it was Jennifer Esposito. Howard said that she's hot. Howard said some guys get married and think they shouldn't. Bradley said that you have to hope that you aren't making the mistake. Howard said that Bradley had a long marriage because there are guys who cheat at the bachelor party or on the wedding night. Howard said that Mario Lopez was one and Corbin Bernsen was another. He said that Corbin met a chick on his honeymoon and banged her.
Bradley asked Howard if he stays in touch with Dice. Howard said he hears from him one in a while. Howard asked how things go wrong in 4 months of marriage. Bradley didn't want to talk about it. Howard said he wants to know how it goes wrong that quickly. He said he must not ever want to get married again. Bradley said he's not going to say that. Howard said he said he would never get married again but he did.
Howard asked how soon after the marriage did he think about getting divorced. Bradley wasn't talking. Bradley said that they both realized it after a short time and that was how it went. Howard asked if they stopped having sex. Bradley said he's not saying that. He said it just wasn't right.
Howard mentioned how good this movie ''Limitless'' is. He said he really wasn't let down by it and he's happy about that. Howard asked Bradley about how he got the call to go meet Robert De Niro. He said that he and his mom went to the meeting and it was weird going in there and meeting the guy who made him want to act. Bradley told Howard what the meeting was like and how De Niro told him he wasn't going to get it and that was about it. He said that he said that he just wanted to meet him. De Niro said he got back in the car and he didn't know what was happening because he just got to meet De Niro. He said that he didn't say much to him but he was communicating with him.
Bradley said that a year later he was at this film festival and he saw him there. He said that he thought that he'd remember him but De Niro had no idea who he was. Bradley said he wanted to have a meeting with him and he wanted to talk him into doing this movie. He said he got the meeting and he got to pitch it to him. He said that he ended up getting his cell and he called him back and talked to him some more and now he's his friend. He said the guy is a great guy. He asked if they've ever had him on the show. Howard said he hasn't. Bradley said De Niro talks to him now that he's comfortable with him.
Howard asked Bradley about his dad and how he died of lung cancer. He smoked for 35 years. Howard asked Bradley if he brought Renee to his father's funeral. Bradley wasn't saying. He didn't want to talk about that.
Howard asked what you do when you're hanging with De Niro and there's silence. Bradley said that between takes they'd talk. He said that it's the worst when you feel you need to make conversation. He said if you have that comfort where you don't feel the need to talk, that's when it's good. Howard asked if he has that with Renee. Bradley didn't answer. Howard figured that he doesn't have that comfort. Howard said that Bradley and Renee have short marriages in common. She was married to Kenny Chesney for 4 months. Bradley wasn't talking about any of that.
Howard and Bradley talked about the Piers Morgan interview Howard did. Howard said he didn't get where the guy was coming from but he does like him. He said he enjoyed doing that show. Howard asked if he was trying to deflect from the Renee questions. Bradley said he wanted to talk to Howard about this stuff because he's not sure if he'll ever get to talk to him again.
Bradley asked Howard when his life changed as far as notoriety. Howard said he became more reclusive but he thinks that he started to get famous in Washington DC. Then he moved to New York and things got weird. He said he'd guess around 1982 or 83 is when he started to get the fame. He was 26 or 27 at the time. Howard said it was unbelievable.
Howard said that Bradley is going to be like John Stamos if he plays this all right. Howard asked how he paid his bills before he got acting work. He said he was a waiter and a door man and things like that. Howard asked if he's going to fall apart like Charlie Sheen. Bradley said he thinks he has it together.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Dice clips. That didn't last long. Howard took another call from the Pink Cowboy who asked if he's ever done some gay stuff. Howard didn't even bother letting Bradley answer.
A woman called in and said that she loves Bradley and she wouldn't need to talk to him. She said that she could watch him on a loop in some movie he was in. Howard asked Bradley about doing The A-Team. Bradley asked if he liked that movie. Howard said he did. He asked about who he told first when he got the job on Alias. Bradley said that he told his parents about that. Howard asked if he would do a commercial for TV. Bradley said he would. Howard didn't believe it. He said that he doesn't even believe that he'd do a TV show.
Howard asked Bradley if he banged Jennifer Connelly after working on ''He's Just Not That Into You.'' He said she's married so of course he didn't. Bradley told Howard about working on that movie and how he was dressed in a gorilla outfit. He had some woman come up to him yelling at him for 10 minutes about how awful he was. He had no idea what was going on. Then she left and the woman was reacting to seeing him in his movie and thought that he was that person. He said she ended up sending him a letter a week later apologizing to him for what she did. She was some casting director or something and she was reacting to this character he was playing.
Howard asked what it was like banging Cameron Diaz. Bradley wasn't answering. He just wondered what Howard was talking about. Howard said he would imagine he'd blow a load in 3 seconds. He said he's going to have to learn to say no to these chicks and go to therapy. Bradley said he goes to therapy but not right now because he's not home.
Howard gave Bradley some plugs and said that his movie is opening on Friday. Howard said he likes Bradley and went over what they learned today. Howard said he must have a fabulous life now. Bradley said that he took the summer off and spent it with his parents. He told him to give his love to Renee. Bradley told Howard that he's a big fan of Howard's and he just wanted to meet him.
Howard asked who his celebrity friends are. He said that he's friendly with Dax Sheppard and some other guys like that.
Gary said that Bradley really has to get going. Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs for ''Limitless.'' He went over the plot of the movie and talked about what he would do if he was in that character's place. Howard wished him continued success and asked if he's working now. He said he's not working right now. He's out doing promotion for this movie. Howard spent a minute talking to him and then went to break.
Howard came back and said people are captivated with the Dr. Laura doll. Howard said some people think he should do a photo shoot with the doll but he's not feeling it. He played some of the doll's clips and some of the new ones the guys created.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was a Time magazine article about Sarah Silverman and they quoted her from Howard's show but didn't credit him. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who still reads that magazine. Gary does. Gary told Howard that he likes to read stories in the magazine because they take time to write their stuff and it's not the same thing you'd read online.
Howard said that he thinks his Rolling Stone is coming out this week. He said he's out of the loop for some reason. Gary said that it should be out on Friday but they'll have some copies tomorrow. Gary said Howard got 9 pages in the magazine and that's unheard of. Howard said he may have had diarrhea of the mouth that day. He said he has no idea what he even said that day. Howard said he's going to give a disclaimer and say that none of it is true.
Howard said he will only sign copies of the magazine if the picture is good. The caller said he's going to buy a few copies. The guy said maybe they can have the Miserable Men show come back since Bubba isn't around. Howard said he's not on top of that. He said he thinks that Shuli's schedule is what killed Miserable Men. Howard said he liked that show and he thought it was good.
Howard said that Tim has been giving him endless tapes of people to listen to. Howard said that he's still trying to get Bubba back. He said that the ship hasn't said in his book. Howard said he's going to keep trying to get him back. He said he hasn't heard from Bubba in a while. He said that he and Brent email each other once in a while. Howard said he's got a lot of things in the works but they don't rush. He said when they rush they make mistakes.
Howard said Robin really liked that Bradley Cooper guy. Robin said that she put her arm around his waist and ''Oh my god!'' she said that he has the kind of body that Dennis Rodman has. She got the same feeling when she put her arm around him. Howard asked what she feels when she puts her arm around him. She said she feels all warm and cuddly.
Howard asked if she thinks that he's going to last with Renee. Robin said they seem to be getting along. He is a big star and he's going to have women around him. Howard said it's a recipe for disaster.
Howard said this script he's reading has him getting some chick's top off and he's messing around with her. He said maybe he shouldn't do that. He said that it might be a good role for him though.
Howard said Adrianne Curry has been tweeting pictures of herself again. He said she was in a schoolgirl outfit last night. He said he'd like to see more of her pictures but he doesn't know how.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through some of the stuff they were going to cover today on the Wrap Up Show. They spent a minute talking about Bradley Cooper. Fred threw in a Robin clip of her saying ''Fuck my tight little pussy.'' Howard said that they got a note from someone complaining that her mouth has gotten really filthy lately. They think that she's talking dirty like that when it's really just Fred playing clips.
Jon ran down some more of the stuff they were going to cover today. That got Howard talking about Sal and the fake drugs he's taking. They went to break after that.
Robin talked about this thing that she went to with Jeff. It was the 35th anniversary of Taxi Driver and they got to see Martin Scorsese and people like that. Robin said on Saturday she went to see American Idiot on Broadway. She said that she didn't know it but Justin Guarini is in it. She said that he was on American Idol the first season and he was absolutely incredible in the play. She said she thought the show was really good overall too.
Robin said that she feels bad because she saw Matt Dillon in a restaurant and she didn't speak to him. She said they had him on the show once and did a Dial-A-Date with him years ago. She said that he took a long look at her and she was just letting him have his space. She said she should have said hello to him. Howard asked what she would have said to him. Robin said she would have just said hello.
Gary told Robin that it wasn't Matt Dillon they did the Dial-A-Date with. He said that was Rob Lowe. Robin said she doesn't have to talk to him then.
Robin said that the big news was the tsunami. Robin also said that she read that Petra Nimkova wanted to go help in Japan since she survived a tsunami herself. They talked her out of it though. Howard said he's not sure if he wants to go help with the tsunami or rebuild Haiti. He said he should do a celebrity fly by but he's too scared. Robin said there are plenty of celebrities helping out with all of that.
Robin read about salaries of people around the country. One of them was an astrologer that's making $177,000 a year. Howard said he's not sure where that guy is living but most of those people don't deserve 2 cents. Robin read about how a ballet dancer makes $16,000 a year. She said that's hardly worth it. Robin said that an eBay seller can make $110,000. Howard was stuck on the astrologer. He none of them deserve more than 10 cents. He said it's such nonsense. Robin went over some more of the incomes for people and mentioned that a blogger made $24,000. Howard was shocked by that too.
Robin read about how up in Oregon they had some tsunami damage and one person from Bend is missing. Robin had some audio of the sirens going off up there. Howard said they need that for when Benjy is bothering the interns. He said he wants him to leave them alone. He'll talk more about that tomorrow.
Robin read about the guy who is missing after going out to take pictures of the tsunami waves near the California / Oregon border. She said that he was swept out to sea. Robin read some more stories about people who were affected by the tsunami. Howard said he wants to get rid of the moon because it causes the tides. He said that they could get rid of that thing if they had a few nuclear missiles aimed at the right spot.
Robin read about how another nuclear reactor has lost cooling capacity so it could lead to a meltdown. Robin said that they found this just hours after an explosion happened at the plant. Robin said they're working on a plan to release gas and inject sea water into that reactor.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was looking out the window the other day and saw a guy who had no pants on. Howard cut her off and said he didn't care. Howard said they see that every day there in New York City. Howard said the homeless just pull their pants down and shit between two cars on the street. He said those are the polite homeless people too.
JD came in and told Howard that there was a drunk homeless guy on the train who pissed on the train right in front of the conductor. Howard said he sits near the conductor so he doesn't get beat up. Howard said some homeless guys were on the train and laying in their own shit. He said Richard saw that happening. Howard said it really sucks being a wimpy guy. You end up sitting next to the conductor. Howard said he'd be the same way. Robin asked JD if he fears for his life. JD said he does fear for his life if he's not there or at home.
Howard said Chuck Zito would never let the guy get away with pissing on the train. He said that he'd make him drink his own piss. Robin told JD he should take up karate or something. JD doesn't seem to think that would help. Howard said it's too late for JD. He said Chuck started doing that shit when he was like 5.
Howard said the subways are the worst. He said that he used to shake when he'd go down there. Howard said he and Robin used to have to take the subway and he had a metal attaché case that he'd carry with him.
Robin read about how some of our troops were covered in radioactive material after flying around the nuclear reactor in Japan. They were able to wash it off. Howard said that they also said that it was safe to go down to ground zero on 9/11.
Robin read more about what the Japanese are trying to do to save those nuclear reactors. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that stuff.
Robin read about the NFL owners locking out the players association. She had some audio clips of some people talking about that.
Robin read about how some iPhones had some trouble with the time change over the weekend. They fell back instead of going forward and hour.
Robin read a story about a flight crew that was worried about several passengers who were praying on the flight from Mexico City to Los Angeles. It turned out that it was an orthodox Jewish prayer ritual. Howard said that these people should know that it isn't cool to do something like that on a flight. He said they should wait until they're on the ground. Robin said the flight attendants declared a security threat. Howard said of course they did. Howard said people are such a pain in the fucking ass with their religion. He said he's had it.
Robin said she watched the Christopher Hitchens segment last week and he's still saying that he still doesn't believe in god.
Robin read about the Pope calling on the faithful to pray for the victims and families of the earthquake and tsunami.
Robin read about the kooks who went out and got the iPad 2. Howard said he was one of them. He said he had to have the new one. He had Laura go out and get him one. He talked about how cool the thing is with the cover he got for it. He said he had to have that cover and the iPad. He said that they found a connection and they got one. Robin said they sold them out over the weekend. Howard said he needs the iPad 3 now. He said that company is brilliant. He said he's going to have the new one when that comes out. He doesn't know what it will feature but he has to have it. Howard said that Beth wanted one too so he got her one. He said she has a pink cover on her's. Robin read some details about what the new one features. Howard said 3 weeks ago he hated Apple and now he's a huge fan.
Robin read about Richard Hatch still owing $2 million to the IRS. Robin said he has to serve 24 months of supervised release. They're going to be taking 25 percent of his gross pay. Howard said the guy was a fat nude guy on the first season of the show. Howard said he should keep that junk in his pants.
Robin read about a bus that crashed and killed 14 people on the way back from a casino. Robin said some of the people were decapitated. Robin said the NTSB doesn't believe that the bus was sideswiped like he claims he was. Robin said these people risked their lives to play the slots. Howard said anyone who does that is out of their mind.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen's live tour and how it sold out in 18 minutes. Robin said the tour is the ''Defeat is not an option tour.'' Robin said that they sold out in record time. Robin said that Sheen claims that the money is going to the Red Cross to help the Japanese. Robin said she thinks that it's actually one dollar from every ticket sale even though it says ''every.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Charlie Sheen is ever going to be able to repair his career. Howard said no. He said that Elliot Gould was so hard to work with that he was drummed out of show business for years. He said he's back now though. He said that studios will only put up with so much. He said you never know how bad the guy actually was. Robin said Nick Nolte is still working. He hasn't been drummed out of show business yet.
Robin had Howard play a clip of the song ''Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'' and said the man that wrote that song has died.
Robin read a story about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel breaking up. Howard said Justin must want to bang a lot of chicks and she must want to get married.
Robin said that Bryan Adams is a dad for the first time at the age of 51. Robin said that his personal assistant is the mother.
Robin read about Bradley Cooper's new movie and played some audio of him talking about that. Howard said they just had him there. Howard played the clip anyway.
Robin read about the movie ''Battle Los Angeles'' and said that it was number one at the box office but it's not getting good reviews. She had some audio of Michele Rodriguez talking about that movie. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon went over some other things they were going to talk about today. He asked Gary if he expected any kind of celebration for his birthday today. Gary said he didn't really. He said that he expected Howard to do what he did.
Jon said that Gary's big vote is tonight too. Gary said he's ready for anything to happen. He said that he thinks that he's going to get into. He said all indications are saying that he'll get it. Benjy said they split is 60/40 in Gary's favor right now. Gary said that he knows who is coming to help him but he's not sure who is going to be on the other side. Benjy said he heard they turned Lucas. Gary got a laugh out of that.
Steve Langford is bringing an assistant tonight because it's such a big deal. Gary said that he doesn't know how long the vote is going to take. He said that anyone who wants to speak will get to speak and they get 3 minutes each.
Jon asked Gary if he knew that Bradley was a huge fan of the show. He said that he knew that from other people. He said that when he saw he grew up in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania he knew that it was true. He said he said hi to him in the green room and he heard about the FCC Rally that his friends did. Jon said he seemed to like being there today and getting to meet Howard.
Jon took a call from a woman who wised Gary luck with his meeting tonight. She also wished him a happy birthday. The woman asked how hard it is to get someone like Bradley Cooper on the show. She was interrupted when Sal and Richard came in with a birthday cake singing Happy Birthday to him.
Jon asked whose idea that was to interrupt the show. Sal said it was his but then said he heard that Jon wanted them to do it. Gary said that's why he'll never produce a show. Jon said it wasn't his idea. It turned out that it was Tim's idea. Jon thanked him for that. Gary said that this might be fun for them but its boring to the audience. Gary said the cake was huge.
Gary got back to the caller's question. Gary explained how they get guests on the show and said that they have to want to come on and they have to want them on the show. He said that he tried to get Dustin Hoffman on the show for years but it was tough. He said the guy called in on his own and he was phenomenal. He said that the requests may not even get to some of these people. The caller said that she loved Bradley on the show. She also said she's going to see Jimmy Fallon on Thursday when Howard is on. They had to go to break after that.
Sal explained that he's been going to the doctors a lot lately and he found someone in the yellow pages. Gary said he can't believe that he'd find someone that way. Sal said he found a local doctor who was a hot Russian chick. He said that it was a win-win for him.
Jon asked what makes her a great doctor. He said that she doesn't rush him out of the office. He said that's the worst. He said that this one does the full exam and refers him to other people. Gary said he doesn't know about this person but there's no problem asking someone for referrals.
Sal said that this is more of a cosmetic thing and he doesn't think that a doctor can help him out. Gary said that any real doctor can prescribe this stuff for him. Sal said he finds that very scary. He said he will go to his Russian doctor for that then. He said that he heard that he can get Proscar and use that in 1 MG doses.
Jon asked Sal if he told his doctor that he takes the Propecia stuff. Sal said that he didn't tell her. the guys don't understand why he wouldn't tell her that if he's having all of these other problems. Sal said he has a problem diagnosing himself and he doesn't think that the Propecia is doing this to him. Jon said that it could be killing him. He said that there are plenty of people who take Propecia and they're fine. Jon and Gary pointed out that he has no idea if it's the real stuff. Gary said that he could be getting legitimate stuff but he's fucking around with it. Sal said he's going to get the real stuff.
Benjy said that maybe they could send the pills out to get them checked out to see if they're real. Gary said he's not sure he would want to do that. Sal said that Gary is afraid that's it's a fugazi thing. Gary had no idea what he was talking about. Sal said that he thinks it's shady, that's what he's saying.
Sal has an awful cough so Jon told him it sounds really bad. Sal said he's trying to get off of the electronic cigarettes and he's been smoking some regular ones. He said that's a bad idea.
Sal told the guys about his Lyme Disease diagnosis and what's going on with that. Sal said that he got the test back and it was inconclusive. He said he sent it to another doctor and he was told he was fine. Sal said that he feels a lot better lately and the anxiety is going away. He said there is still something a little off with him though. Gary agreed about the ''off'' comment.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they should look into this drug that Sal is taking. He said he's crazy for taking it even though it could be killing him. He said h has a wife and kids and he shouldn't be worried about that stuff. Sal told him to put two and two together and figure that out.
Gary asked Sal if he took a map out right now, could he point out Japan. Sal said it's near California. He said it must be in the Western Hemisphere. Gary asked what continent it's on. Sal figured it was in North America. He said that Japan isn't a continent itself so it's not Japan. Sal said that he thought it was Tokyo but now he knows it's not.
Sal said that he knows the continents so he rattled some of them off. He said that Brazil may be one. He said he's not flying to any of them soon so he's not so worried about it. Jon asked if he was worried about what was going on over there. Sal said of course he is and he was retweeting George Takei's Tweets about how to donate to the Red Cross.
Sal said that he has to hand it to the technology of the Japanese because they had such great coverage of the earthquake and tsunami. Jon just let Sal talk for a minute and then went to break.
Jon and Gary also talked about how Howard is trying to buy stuff online for himself now. Gary said he's glad to see that he's trying to figure that stuff out. He said it's funny that he doesn't know what phone number goes with his account.
Gary said that he and Howard were on the iChat thing and they had nothing to say so he just threw out his pitch thing so they'd have something to talk about.
Jon asked if Robin is going to jump on this bandwagon. Gary said it'll take a little longer but she will eventually move. Sal said he has an iPad already. He doesn't have the iPad 2 though. The guys talked about how cool the iChat thing is and how great it works.
Gary said that someone gave Howard an iPad gift that lets you hold it with one hand. Howard didn't want it so he brought in and gave it away. Sal took it and gave it to Gary as a birthday gift.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he hated Bradley Cooper in The Hangover but after this interview he likes him. He said that he thinks that Gary is right about how good looking he is. He said he's a straight guy but he agrees with him. That led to them talking about how good looking his co-star was in one of his movies. Her name is Rachel McAdams. Jon said that he should see ''The Notebook.''
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Debbie and how excruciating she was to listen to. He's not sure what Howard's direction is with her. Gary said that she is tough to listen to but letting her talk is the comedic value. He said he loves Debbie himself and it's a love hate kind of thing.
Gary had asked Sal not to hit his cough button when he coughs in there from now on so he let out a good one. Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is so dumb that he doesn't know that he can't get a prescription for that stuff he's using. The guy told him that the doctors all go through the same kind of training. Sal said he didn't know it and he figured that he'd go to a hair care kind of person. He said they're called Hairologists. The caller said he couldn't go on with Sal and just wished Gary a Happy Birthday and told him his book kicks ass.
Another caller said that this whole Sal thing reminds him of the time Jackie lost his toe nails to a guy he found in the Penny Saver. Gary said he was just talking to his podiatrist about that. He said that Jackie found the doctor in the penny saver and he was told he had 10 nail syndrome and removed all of his nails. He said that they never came back.
Jon said that they try to give Sal good advice and he doesn't take it. Sal said he is but the guys said he's really not. Sal said that he wouldn't have even looked into this if he didn't have that friend who tried the boner polls that worked.
Sal said that he'd love for someone to check the pills he has so he can figure out if he's killing himself on those. Sal said he has like a year supply of Appecia. He said that they were like $350.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he took the generic Propecia when he was younger and his libido dropped after about 6 months. He said when he would finish his volume was decreased substantially. He said it all came back to normal when he stopped taking it. Sal said his libido is very high and he thinks that's because he's Sicilian. Benjy asked if he feels more free when your libido drips. The caller wasn't there so they couldn't ask.
Sal said that he grew his beard in and people were asking him what his wife thought. He said he grew it for like 5 weeks and when he asked his wife she didn't even know he grew it. Sal said that was a while ago though. He said that they're getting along pretty well right now. He said they have their ups and downs like anyone does. He said she thinks that he's a hypochondriac. He said she's happy when he's out of the house though. Sal said they're stuck with each other for the rest of their lives so they might as well find time to separate. Gary said that sounds like a great marriage. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he had another sleepless night and he's fading fast. He said he's so despondent over this. He's never had it this bad. Robin said he was like this after his divorce. Howard said that's because he was busy chasing women and fucking. He said he's so tired.
Howard said he went out to dinner with his cousins and then came home and worked on his new computer and his iPad. He said that they're getting him all charged up. He said he got annoyed with his phone too.
Howard said he got a copy of his new rolling Stone issue. He said Beth fell asleep when they went to bed. He said that upsets him. He said he went downstairs to take a dump and thought maybe that was keeping him up. He said he was up around 11 and he couldn't sleep. He said he figured it was time for Ambien. He said he vowed never to take it again but he had no choice. He said he had to get to sleep.
Howard said he finally went to sleep but he was up at 3 again. He said he got some sleep but not much. He doesn't get any good sleep. Howard said he wants to rip someone's skull off their neck. He said he's really aggravated today. He doesn't know what to do either. His shrink tells him that it's his patience and he has to get it under control but he can't.
Robin told Howard he has to go back to figuring out how to go back to sleep. Howard said he knows that but he can't figure it out. He said everything is just so dumb. He said he got mad at himself for signing for another 5 years there. He said they didn't talk him into doing it, he did that to himself.
Howard said he cut down his schedule but that doesn't kick in for a while. He said that he was angry that they gave him a job.
Howard said he needs help. Robin said he has to stop with getting himself all charged up. Howard said he needed Beth to cuddle with him but she was asleep. Robin said there is something very child like with this. He needs his mommy to tuck him in and read to him. Howard said he never got that. Howard said Robin would be great for that. He said he'd use those breasts as pillows and he'd have a great time with her. Robin said he did something wrong there.
Howard said he loves the magazine and he loves being in it. He said he doesn't look hideous in the pictures either so he's happy about that. Robin said that there are times that he doesn't look good in pictures. Howard said it depends on the angle. He said he sees himself and it's like ''Whoa!''
Howard showed Robin some rings he's been wearing and she thought that he didn't wear any. Howard said he's been wearing them for about 5 or 6 years now. Howard said he got these rings from King Baby. He said they show them on the cover of the magazine. They're going to be thrilled about that. Robin congratulated him on his cover of Rolling Stone.
Howard said he's happy about being on the cover. He even sang a song about it. Howard said the magazine is finally here. People have been asking about it so there it is.
Howard said Beth is in the Daily News today. He said she's in there with their dog. Howard said he didn't even know she was supposed to be in there.
Howard said he should break so he can get Sammy Hagar in there. Howard said the Howard TV guys had the video he was talking about. They watched it as it was going on and Howard said they need to back it up to show the punches in the face.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Chuck Zito school. Howard read more about that and said they should get JD into it. He had him take down the number so he can get into that. Robin said maybe he should just dress up like a Guardian Angel instead.
The caller, Pittsburgh Pete, said that he heard Chuck Zito talking about Howard last night. He said that he was being very nice but he'd like to know if Howard would give into Chuck if he broke into his house and wanted to fuck Beth. Howard said he wouldn't have much of a choice. He said the guy would over power him in a second. Howard said that he'd have to give into Chuck if that happened but it's not going to happen. Howard and Pete went back and forth talking about that. Howard said that Beth is the greatest person in the world and that would be the worst thing in the world.
Howard let Pete go and Robin mentioned that she was watching the movie ''Rob Roy'' and this woman gets raped in the movie by a guy who is angry at her husband. Then she ends up pregnant. Howard said that you get an abortion if that happens. Robin said it was 100 years ago so there was no abortion. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He had Sammy Hagar coming in.
Howard came back and said that Sammy's new book is out and it's called ''Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock.'' Sammy came in after that. Howard said he still has his own hair unlike David Lee Roth.
Howard asked Sammy if he has to do anything got his hair to keep it looking like that. Sammy said he doesn't.
Howard said he was raving about his book. He asked Sammy if he heard about that. Sammy said he didn't and figured he was setting him up for something. Sammy said he's very candid in the book and he's letting it all out. He said he never really hit the press that much so he figured it was time to tell the story.
Howard said he read that he sold an interest in his Cabo Wabo tequila company. Sammy said that it was one of the best things he ever did. He said he started the company and went and got the bottles and all of that. Howard asked if he ever had any second thoughts about that since it ravaged his father and people like Eddie Van Halen. Howard said that his father forced himself on his mother and stuff and that must have been tough. Sammy said that he was the youngest of four kids and his sister would grab him and run out of the house. He said his father was like a hero to him because he was such a tough guy. He said he later felt sorry for his mom when he figured out what was really going on.
Howard asked if he had a moral issue with the tequila. Sammy said he doesn't have that gene in him to want to do a drink all the time so he doesn't feel that. He said he knows some guys just can't stop but he doesn't have it so he doesn't feel guilty. He said if he was an alcoholic he might have that feeling.
Howard asked if he still has an interest in Cabo Wabo. He said he does for 3 more years. He sold off 80 percent of that company. Howard asked how many millions he made off of it. He said it's about 80 million. He said he got a check for 80 million. Howard asked if he's worth more than Eddie Van Halen now. Sammy said he's not sure about that.
Howard asked Sammy if there was a moral pang with the book. Sammy said he loves Eddie. Howard said he had a tough time with him though. Howard asked if he thought about not exposing the whole thing. Sammy said the band was great from 1985 to 1995. They all got along great in those years. He said that they turned on him though. Howard said that this book was written to set that straight. Sammy said that it was just one chapter. He said that it was an American dream and he wanted to explain that he came from nothing. He said Howard could do that too.
Howard said the book is inspirational. He asked Sammy about his father and how he was forcing himself on his mother. He asked how he came to play guitar. Sammy said Howard must know what that's like. Howard said that he wanted to show Sammy his Rolling Stone issue but Gary had it. Gary brought it in and showed it to Sammy. Sammy said he knows Howard's history and he's been dogging him for so long and now he seems to like him again. He said he almost ruined a friendship. He said he has a friend who said that he's a Howard fan and he wasn't sure he could be partners with him.
Sammy told Howard that there is no guarantee in life that you're going to be famous. He played guitar because it was his passion. That's all he wanted to do. He said that you don't know that you're going to be famous. He said his mother bought him a guitar from sears and made payments on that. He said that she passed a few years ago. He said he knows that his mom would be the person that he could go to and she'd know everything. He said when she passed that's when he decided to write the book.
Howard asked Sammy about his boxing and found out that he and Eddie almost got into it back in the 2004 reunion tour. He said things were bad during that tour. Howard said he got the feeling that he was annoyed with them back then. Sammy said they had turned on him by then. Sammy said that they went to the top and then his manager died. He said that Eddie hired his brother in law and that's when things got bad. Sammy said he took a pay cut to get into that band. Sammy said they had a bad record deal and they weren't making that much on their tours. He said the promoters were stealing from them.
Howard asked Sammy about how he met Eddie and got into the band. Sammy said that Ed asked him to come down and jam with him. He said he went down and did that and they had put together ''Summer Nights'' and another song that they had him sing. Sammy said that he's a musician and he can either jam or hum along to a song. He said that they were killing that day. He said that he was getting goose bumps just thinking about it. He said that it was like a dream band. He said it reminds him of Cream because everything was funky but slow and held back. He said they pulled him back into a groove.
Howard asked Sammy about getting out of his solo deal and into this. Sammy said it's all in his book. Howard said he knows that and he was trying to get him to talk about it. Howard said he was just trying to help. Sammy said it's very early for him so he's off on that.
Howard started over and asked Sammy about what the record company said to him. Sammy said his manager helped him out with all of that. He said that he told him that he'd have to take a cut in pay. Sammy didn't care and said that he wanted to do it. He went to David Geffen and got him out of the contract. He was their biggest selling artist at the time. He said they tried to talk him out of it though. Sammy said that they told him that he could never replace David Lee Roth. He said David Geffen is a smart man. He said that David eventually had a light go on in his head and he wanted a record from him after the deal and he wanted in on half of Van Halen and he got it.
Howard said that Sammy talks about his relationship with Eddie and it was all good for a while. Sammy said that when he went in there he was the leader of the band. He said Roth was the leader when he was in it. Sammy said that they wanted him to tell them what to do. He just took over for them and became their fearless leader. He said about 9 years later he heard from someone that Ed Leffler was worrying about what he was doing with the band and why he was always going to Mexico and why he was wearing the clothes he was wearing and all of that. He said that Ed was an innocent little kid when he walked in there. He said he got fired from the band. He figured that he's going to get fired from Chickenfoot too. He said that he knows that will happen in the future. He can see it in his crystal ball.
Sammy told Howard about how he owned a travel agency when he started in the band and Eddie wondered why he couldn't start one too. He said that it was a weird kind of jealousy thing and it was like a high school thing. He said that he was acting like a grown up and Ed wasn't. Howard said he read that Ed used to call Sammy back to the studio when he'd be on vacation and stuff. Sammy said that he felt the jealousy and Ed would be asking him where he was all the time. He was like a girlfriend or a wife asking what he was doing all the time.
Sammy said when they got the new manager Ed went to him and said that Sammy was doing all of this stuff and the manager put a stop to it. He said the new manager went right with Ed. He said that the manager split them up. Sammy said that he had a deal to do a record after every Van Halen record. He never really did it. He said the new manager went to the record company and made them take that out of his contract. He said he renegotiated the deal and he wasn't able to do the solo record. He said he had a golden parachute and they took it away. He said that's just ruthless.
Howard said the guys in Van Halen figured they could make anyone huge. They tried it a third time but it didn't work out so well.
Sammy said the last record they did was in 91 or 92. He said they did one record since then. He said that they claim that he quit but he didn't quit. He said that's bullshit. He said they claim that he didn't want to work and he wanted to take time off and do his solo thing. He said the truth is that he wanted to work and they didn't. They haven't made a record since.
Howard gave Sammy some plugs for his book and for the book signing's he's doing in the area. You can find out more at RedRocker.com.
Howard said Sammy describes the band as being great at first but by the time they broke up he's describing an Eddie that can't even play his own music anymore. Sammy said he wasn't doing a good job and he was too wasted. He said that he's not sure if he just didn't care or what. Sammy said they wrote some great songs and they had some complex music in there. He said that the early stuff was very simple but they got more complicated as they went along.
Howard asked Sammy what he thought of David Lee Roth. He said that he was a great front man but not a great singer. He said that he doesn't hate the guy though. Sammy and Dave went out on the road together at one point. He said that Dave had his run but he was in the toilet. He said that Dave would do things to get him to go on first and things like that.
Howard said Sammy calls Dave bald in the book. Sammy said he is bald and the only reason he does that is because Dave pulled that shit on him during the shows they were doing. He said he doesn't hate the guy though. He said he was hoping that they could become buddies and go up to Van Halen and go out and do things with them. He said that he'd go to talk to Dave and he wouldn't answer knocks on his door. He said it was like Cheech and Chong's ''Dave's not here.'' He said that David Lee Roth is a star and he has that star attitude.
Howard said the reunion tour ended up being a disaster. He wanted to bring him through it again. Sammy said that he went through it once, he didn't want to go through it again. Howard said that Sammy would go to his changing room during solos and bang chicks. Sammy said they had changing rooms under the stage and they did that because everyone had a solo and they could take a break down there. He said when they started out they were only playing 8 songs because they were doing so many solos.
Howard asked Sammy about his marriage and the girls he was getting. Sammy said that he was making up rules about what he could do out on tour. He said that he could get a blow job during the song ''Eruption.'' He said that he'd get a long break during that song so that's when he'd get them. Sammy said that he had a lot of girls in there and they would line up for him. He said that he's kind of embarrassed by all of that but that's what was going on. Fred played ''Eruption'' and Howard asked Sammy if that makes him cum. Howard read that he was getting so much sex that there were times when he wasn't able to cum. Sammy said that is true. He said he'd have a lot of girls hanging out back stage and he'd just have fun with them. He said he would just let them hang out back there.
Howard said that Sammy eventually started fucking these girls. Sammy said that the marriage was pretty much over about 5 years before they got divorced. He said that they decided to go to Africa to try and work things out. He said that he was ready to split from her but they went over there and she got pregnant. He said she might have known what she was doing. Howard asked if he was using a rubber at the time. Sammy said of course he wasn't. He said he need up having this second kid and he had to stay with the wife. He said that's when he started doing anything and everything out on the road. Then he met this other girl Kari.
Howard asked Sammy if he went through a lot of money in his divorce. Sammy said he was married to his high school sweetheart so he did lose some money. He said he wrote her a check for $9 million and paid her $23,000, tax free, a month for 10 years after that.
Sammy told Howard about how much Ed would drink and how Alex quit and he never had another drink as far as he knows. Howard said he read the book where he wrote about how crazy Ed was and how it seemed like he was stuck in an insane asylum. He said that Eddie almost kicked the windows out of the plane they were on once. Sammy said that Eddie got mad and told them to never make him wait for them again. He said that he just wanted him to calm down. They just went out and got sandwiches.
Howard said Sammy got his own private jet so he didn't have to fly with Ed. Sammy said that he and Michael Anthony had to fly separately. Howard asked what happened to him and why the guys got rid of him. Sammy said that he's the best rock bass player out there. He said the guy is a nice guy too. Sammy said that Mike is reliable and he's the nicest guy in the world. He said that they fired him because he's his friend. That's all there was to it. Howard asked how they got Michael to sign off on the band saying that he was out. Sammy said he's not sure.
Howard asked Sammy what he invests in. He said he has a lot of real estate and a lot of cars. He said that he doesn't put his money into stock and things like that. He has a lot of money in trust for his kids too. He said he lives in Mexico, Hawaii and California. He said he's really just a beach bum. He said he doesn't surf either. He just looks like one.
Howard said that Sammy talks about the end of Van Halen and it sounds like an insane asylum. He said that Sammy wrote about what a mess Eddie's house was when he was out there. Sammy said that Ed's wife had left at that point. He said that the place was a mess but he found that shit to be funny. He said he understands what went on there. If you don't have a wife around then that kind of thing happens.
Sammy said that he hopes he sells a lot of books for him giving this chapter so much love. Howard asked Sammy about working with Eddie and how they used to get to his house at 3 and Ed wouldn't show up until 11. Sammy said that Alex would be there to keep him entertained. He said that Alex was a great guy and he wishes he had him as a big brother.
Howard and Sammy talked about how nutty Charlie Sheen seems to be now and how he's kind of like Eddie. Sammy said that if he didn't now who Charlie was he'd want to hang out with him after seeing him on TV.
Howard said Eddie not even considering that he had people waiting for him isn't cool. He asked if he would ask Eddie where he was. Sammy said that he wouldn't do that. He said that he would just let it go and see where they were at.
Sammy said that Ed didn't even like him to have his sleeve rolled up because he has a Cabo Wabo tattoo. He said that he would roll the sleeve down for him. Sammy said that Ed is looking better these days. He said the skinnier he is the more he's drinking. He said it's the opposite for some people.
Sammy said that Ed claims that he cured himself of cancer and he can't be doing that. He said the guy doesn't know how to cure cancer. He said that shit puts his fur up. He said you don't do that kind of shit.
Sammy said that Valerie threw Ed under the bus more than he did. He said she really did it to him. Sammy said that he just told it like it was.
Howard said that when things were good they must have known that they had hits. Sammy said that Chickenfoot is doing really good but they'll never be like Van Halen. He said those days are gone now. He said that they were having a lot of fun back then. He said he loved it while they were doing it.
Sammy said that David Lee Roth can't sing his songs so that's why they will never be able to play the stuff that they did in those 11 years he was in the band. Sammy said he can sing the Roth stuff but Roth can't sing his. He said that he's happy for the reunion but that's what he thinks about the songs.
Howard asked Sammy about remembering the lyric and not using a teleprompter. Sammy said that's one thing that he's good at and he's able to remember them all. He said he has a set list of 168 songs and he knows the lyrics to them all. He said that some guys can't remember the lyrics but he has that gift. He said he's seen guys who use teleprompter's and once you do that, you're done.
Howard asked Sammy about going out on tour and how they have to practice. Sammy said that he just needs to sing to get his voice up to that point it needs to be. He said that it's kind of like running a marathon.
Howard asked Sammy about going to bed early and things like that. Sammy said that drummers and singers have a really hard gig.
Howard asked Sammy about walking in on his parents and seeing them having sex. Sammy said he can still see that today. He said he saw his dad on top of his mom. He said that they were having fun. He said he had a bloody nose that day and walked into the room. He said he loves his sisters and brother. He said that his sisters were great to him. Howard said that his dad died in the back of a police car. They picked him up under a park bench and he started fighting with someone, they sprayed him with mace, and when they got to jail he was dead.
Howard asked how old he was when his dad died. He said he was 21. They'd see him on the street because he was homeless and living out there. He said they lived in a small town so they'd see him around a lot.
Gary came in with some questions of his own. Sammy said that Howard has some good people that he keeps around forever. He said that he likes that. Howard said that he tries to get rid of everyone but he can't leave.
Gary asked Sammy about getting abducted by aliens at the age of 18. Sammy said he was abducted and he had stuff downloaded into his brain. He said he remembers seeing stuff back in 1967 that he had never seen. He said that he was actually about 20 and he didn't start drinking until he was 30.
Sammy said that he remembers feeling that he was dreaming and he saw a couple of guys with some stuff plugged into him wirelessly. He said that they looked like blobs. Sammy said that he never even thought about this shit. He said that they saw him waking up and he figures that they were either downloading or uploading from his brain. He said that they hollered out some numerical code and they were out of there. He woke up and his room was white and then it turned black. He said it was really real. He said that it changed his life too. Sammy said he got interested in astrology and all of that after that.
Howard asked Sammy about seeing his father's ghost too. Sammy said he was on the floor sleeping and he dreamed that someone knocked on the door and it was his dad. He said that he remembers yelling at him to get out of there. He said that he told his wife about what had happed and he laid back down and then he heard the knock on the door again. He said that his manager showed up and his sister had called and said that their dad was dead. It was the same night.
Howard asked Sammy if he ever saw Valerie Bertinelli naked. Sammy said he didn't but he did see her in a bathing suit. Howard asked if he would have banged her. He said she was cute and she had a great personality. He said she was a great looking chick. He said he lived next to Valerie in Malibu. He said she had her own money. He said he lived next to her for 9 years and he'd go for runs with her.
Howard asked about Wolfie playing in the band now and what he thinks about that. Sammy said he can play as far as he knows. He said he did see some strange stuff on YouTube though where it looked like they had the audio of Michael singing background when he wasn't in the band anymore.
Howard gave Sammy a plug for his book and said that he's hoping for a number one book. Sammy said he would like to have that. He said it's a great feeling to have that. He said he's an adrenaline junkie. Howard asked if his wife was there. Sammy said she was so Howard had her come in.
Howard said hi to Mrs. Hagar, Kari. Howard asked if she wanted to get topless. She wasn't going to do that. Howard asked how she feels when he says he just wants to be with her and his family. She said that it's great. Kari and Howard spent a minute talking about how great the sex is and things like that. Howard asked if there is anal. Sammy said he's open minded. Howard said Sammy would like anal. Sammy told Howard to get out of there. Kari didn't know what to say. Sammy said that he's tried a lot. He said that some women like it and some don't.
Howard said that Kari and Sammy are a lovely couple. He asked Kari if she was a little scared of marrying Sammy. She said that she wasn't. Howard asked if they would ever do a threesome. Sammy said he wouldn't want to see his wife with another woman. He said he doesn't want a woman taking his wife away from him. Howard asked Kari if she thinks he's nuts when he's talking about aliens and stuff. She said she believes in that stuff so it's not crazy to her.
Howard gave Sammy some more plugs and started to wrap up. Howard asked Kari if she was close to Valerie. She said she was and they would exchange marriage advice and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Eddie Van Halen was on the phone. He picked up and had Sour Shoes on the line playing some stuff. The connection was really bad. Howard said that Sammy said that he didn't think that Eddie would be too happy with his book. Howard let Sour do his thing for short time but said it sounded terrible. He said he doesn't think that's really Eddie Van Halen.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said the grown ups in Gary's home town have come through for Gary and he won his parks and recreation committee vote 119-64. Gary came in and said that no one ever speaks at these things but 20 people got up and spoke about it last night. He said about 14 spoke on his behalf. He said that a bunch got up and talked about how the show has turned the whole thing into a circus. Gary said that they voted and everyone else in the vote won 190-0. Howard asked if he thinks that the woman who was against him got the 64 people to vote against him. Gary said that she probably did. He said it's all over now though. Gary said that the town voted and they voted him in.
Howard asked if the woman came up to her last night and congratulated him. Steve said that she actually fled out the back door after the vote. Steve said that a guy came up to him after the vote and told him not to approach this woman Coline Jenkins. Howard wondered why. He's not harassing anyone. Howard said that's awful.
Gary said that he was starting to feel good about himself last night but the someone else would get up and talk about how horrible he was. He said that someone threw out that he was a misogynist. Gary said the people who actually know him are the people who were saying that he's a good person. Gary said they were thinking that they were doing this just to get ratings for the show and things like that. Gary said that they covered it live on the local TV channel. He said that it was on the internet too and Captain Janks told him that it was on the web. He said that they make it seem like they were just doing it for the show like this isn't a public thing.
Howard said that Gary stepped up and volunteered for this position. Gary said he never wanted it on the air. Gary said he got up and spoke himself last night too. He said he wasn't going to but some people thought it would be a good idea. Gary said he's now a member of the board of the parks and recreation group in his town.
Howard said Gary should get up and say that his first project is going to be for ''Whore Park.'' Gary said that seems to be what people thought was going to happen. He said one of the first things he's going to look into how they schedule the fields so they can utilize them better.
Howard asked Steve what else they had. Steve said they'll have more today about Gary's story. Howard said people should follow the news team on Twitter @SternShow.
Steve said they have a breaking story about a former intern who was arrested on a murder charge. Gary said he was with them for about 2 weeks last year and he left early. no one has any recollection of him. Gary said he doesn't even remember this kid. His name was William Perrisio. He's been arrested for allegedly killing his girlfriend. The girlfriend also interned there at Sirius XM.
Steve mentioned that Gilbert Gottfried was fired from doing the voice of the Aflac duck because of some Tweets about the Japanese tsunami. Howard said that he did those jokes and he read about what happened. He said that Gilbert has been making jokes about the N-word and Jews forever. He's the most inappropriate human being alive. Howard said he's always wondered how he got any work. He said that the Aflac people knew he was offensive when they fired him. Howard said that if it was out of character for him then he'd understand this. He said Gilbert has been doing things like this all along.
Howard said he read the jokes that Gilbert got fired over and they weren't even that good. He said that they took them down after he got fired. Howard said getting fired over being offensive is ridiculous. He should have been fired every day.
Howard said that he had the jokes in the paper but he wasn't finding them. It took him a minute to find the paper. He read one joke where Gilbert said that he had just split up with his girlfriend but someone told him that ''like the Japanese, one will be floating by any second.'' Howard tried to find more but he wasn't able to find them. Fred read one he found. Howard said they weren't really all that funny. Robin got a laugh out of one about how the Japanese don't go to the beach, the beach comes to them. Robin said they're not even as tasteless as he can get.
Howard said Gilbert was on fire with jokes about Artie when he tried to kill himself. He said that's what Gilbert does. He said Gilbert was doing jokes about Greg Giraldo when he died too. He said firing him now is ridiculous.
Steve said they have one more thing. High Pitch Eric has gotten justice. He is now part of his late mother's will and he will get about 40 percent of her will. That money will be put in a trust to be administered by his father. He could get as much as $50,000.
Gary said that Eric is on the phone and he's upset that Langford is covering the story. Howard picked up on Eric and Eric said that he's not happy about that. Steve said that he spoke to Eric on the phone yesterday and he had no problem with it. Steve said that this is news and that's what they do there. Howard said Eric is news. Eric said his lawyer doesn't want him talking about this stuff. Howard asked why he cares. Steve said they held off on this story for months to be sure he was successful in this matter. Steve said ''you're welcome'' to Eric even though Eric didn't say thank you.
Howard said he can't understand a word Eric is saying anyway. He told them to work it out on their own. Eric said he's going to use the money responsibly. He said he will use it for bills and use it wisely. Howard told him to just go out and get a limo and blow it all today.
Eric asked what he should use this money for. Howard said he should buy a bath tub and take a bath. He told him to hang on to that money and invest it conservatively. He told him not to go through it. He said he's irresponsible with his money so he shouldn't invest in something stupid. He said he shouldn't think that there's any get rich quick things out there. Steve said the money is in a trust so he can't spend it all at once. Howard said that he should keep working and hold on to that money. Eric said he has two jobs at Yankee Stadium. Howard told him to go to a gym and try to make himself look human.
Eric said that he will have work at the end of the month so he won't have time for the gym. Howard said he has a job and has time for the gym. Eric could work in the afternoons.
Gary said that Eric should pay off the people he ripped off. Eric said his father isn't going to do that for him. He said that the money is for his bills and his rent. Gary said it should be for the people he ripped off. That's probably why he doesn't want Langford doing the story about this. Now people know he's got money. Howard said that his father knows so he should listen to him.
Steve got in a plug for Jackie's show and Riley's show that are on tonight at 7 and Midnight on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked who is singing. Fred said it was Jason Mraz. Howard said he couldn't tell it was a guy. He said he must have been bullied in school. Howard said that they keep trying to put the bully video link up but YouTube keeps taking it down. He's not sure why.
Howard said Gary read the Rolling Stone article about him and he asked if he saw anything weird in there. He said he doesn't remember what he said. Gary said that he found it interesting when he talked about going on Letterman and how it makes him crazy. He said that he has a question for Howard too. He said he read that when Howard was getting divorced he was considering leaving radio. Howard said he never said that. He said he must have been misquoted. Gary read it back to him and Howard corrected him about what it was about. It was about his radio contract, not his divorce.
Gary said there was also a thing in there where they had Howard draw his family like they were doing a therapy thing. Howard said he thought they were going to print what he had drawn but they didn't do it. Gary said the divorce stuff was really good and it showed how rocked he was by that. He also said that the money discussion was good. Howard said he talked about how much respect he has for money.
Howard said that Gary has been listening to audio books so much that he doesn't remember how to read. Gary said that it was just confusing to him the way it was laid out.
Howard said that he had some audio of a sportscaster in Philly talking on mic without knowing he was on. Howard played that clip and the guy says ''Dude! What the fuck?'' and some other stuff. He ended up coming back later and apologizing for cursing on the air. He said he thought his microphone was off. He said he was very sorry for that. Howard said he should know better. In general you don't curse if there's a live broadcast going.
Howard said he had some Chuck Zito clips to play. He said he has so much to play today. He said he has an Ashley Madison theme song. He said the lyrics to the song are really funny. He said someone told him how crazy they were. it was Scott the Engineer who told him about that. Howard played the clip and they sing about banging someone else's wife and things like that. Howard got some laughs out of that. Robin said they have changed the song. Howard said it's brand new apparently.
Howard said that Chuck Zito was doing his show last night. He said if JD went to his class he'd be able to handle himself. He said that Chuck would never put up with the shit that JD does. Howard played a clip of a caller telling Chuck about JD and how he sits by the conductor so he doesn't get beat up. He also mentioned the guy who pissed by JD. Chuck said if someone pissed by him he'd fucking eat shit. He said he would smack the shit out of anyone who did that near him.
Howard said that show is so manly he can't even listen to it. He said that those guys are real men. He said that it sounded like a really good show. He had another clip where Chuck talked about being in a Japanese prison. In the clip Chuck talked about doing 100 push-ups at a time while he was there. He said he would do 1000 sit-ups too. He said that he was locked down 23 hours a day so that's what he did all day long. Howard said he can't imagine doing 10 sets of 100 push-ups. He can do about 15 or maybe 25 on a good day. He said that maybe he should go to jail and he won't look like a woman.
Howard said he asked Sammy Hagar about his blond hair and if he has it dye it. He said that he doesn't. Howard said that some guys have that and he's one of them. He said he's hanging on by a thread though.
Howard played more of the Chuck Zito clips where he was talking about being in jail. Howard said the guy was on fire last night. He was also talking about being a repair man and once he went into a store and fixed the air just because it was too warm in the place. He said that the manager came on to him. Howard played that clip too. Chuck told the story to a caller about how he had stopped in this D'Agastinos and it was hot in there. He said that he went back and fixed the air and the guy showed him where the air was. He said that he bent down to look at the refrigeration and this guy told him he was in the mood for a blow job. Chuck thought he had some girls coming and he said ''Me and you both'' and the guy grabbed him by the balls. He said he punched the guy in the chin and knocked him out cold. He said he got out of there and it turns out he just punched the manager out. He said that someone else there told him that the guy grabs people all the time. Chuck said he got fired over that.
Howard said they've had some really good shows on Howard 101 lately. He said he had some Little Lupe clips to play too. He took a call from King of All Blacks who is going to have a show on there too. King said he'll do that as long as Big Black shows up on time.
King said that there's an article in the paper about Beth today and they dropped his name. She used her Ostrosky name instead. Robin said that Beth is in two pictures this morning. She's in it with the dog and the cat. Howard said Beth loves that cat. He said she has a very tremendous capacity for loving.
Howard played some of the Little Lupe show audio. He said he would just play one clip from it. In that clip the caller asks Lupe to tell him what she would do to him. She said he would be her bitch and she would put her iPhone 4 inside of him. Howard said he's pretty sure that's not what the caller was looking for. She got pissed at the guy for not following her on Twitter. He had just gotten it the week before. Then Lupe got into some more dirty talk. She told the guy to suck her pussy until the other guy's cum came out. Howard said she's not very good at phone sex. She said that was gross and said ''Goodbye asshole.''
Howard said that they have some good shows on there. Howard asked JD if there were any other good ones on there. JD said there was another one where she was talking about picking up sluts. Howard played that clip and the caller asked Lupe about how he can meet some sluts. Lupe told him to look in the newspaper. The guy said he doesn't want to pay for it. He said he was looking for free. Lupe told him to go out to a night club and meet some girls. She told him that if he's not going to pay them then he has to talk to them.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a toupee place using Robin's Little Lupe impression clips. Howard also played an Adopt a Wack Packer bumper as they were going to break.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about the Rolling Stone interview Howard did. Howard mentioned he did that to promote the phone app and how much he likes it. He said that Neil Strauss did a great job with the article too. He wrote about the app. Howard said he'd like to email Neil but he wants Gary to tell him that he will give it to him as long as he never asks for anything.
Robin said she saw a movie called ''Mirage Man'' and it was one of the greatest super hero movies. It was a foreign film though. Howard asked if there are subtitles. She said there are. Howard said he can't wait to read the movies. He won't be watching that one. Robin said it was great though.
Howard said it would be great if JD was Superman and he figures out that the chicks are only into him because of who he is. Howard said this guy Topher Grace is in ''Take Me Home Tonight'' and he plays the guy who can't get the chick. He said the guy is better looking than most guys he sees. He said JD should be playing that part, not Topher Grace. Howard had some fun talking about that and goofing around with the JD character.
Robin started her news asking Howard what is ''rich.'' Howard said between 5 and 10 million is rich and set for life. Robin said that they say that some millionaires are saying that they'd want $7.5 million to be set. Howard said that's about right.
Howard played another Robin's news theme song by Little Mikey. He did one to the tune of ''RESPECT'' but with Ronnie's ''TOPLESS'' instead. Howard seemed to really like that one too.
Robin got back to her news and wondered what it is about menthol cigarettes that black people like. Howard said that it is a popular thing. Robin said they say that its use is on the rise. Robin used to smoke them. So did Howard. Howard said he did it because he was the original wigger. Robin said she wished that they had tape of him speaking like that. Howard started to do his Mama Lookaboobooday character but he asked what that guy was doing on his Ted Kennedy megaphone. Then he had Kennedy telling him to get off of his telephone.
Robin had some audio of a promo where they tell people to get back to church. Howard said that it's a great place to go and hate the Jews. He threw in some other things while the clip played. Robin had a second clip for him to play. Howard went through that one too.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus being dazed and confused outside of some club. Howard said she's on the Lindsay Lohan road to stardom. Robin said that they say she was out at 1am looking dazed and unsteady on her feet. Her friends were holding her up. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard said he took a beating in the email about his first photography job. He said that he isn't really getting paid to do the job. He said people are so god damn dumb. He said he's just taking pictures and they're putting them in the magazine. Howard read one of those emails and one professional photographer was complaining about him getting that job. Howard said he's only been doing it for 2 weeks and he already has a job. Howard said that he has been reading books about photography and it's one of those jobs that anyone can do.
Howard said that both Corey Haim and Peter Graves were left out of the Academy Awards ''In Memorium'' segment.
Robin read that Usher may have a sex tape coming out after it was stolen out of his vehicle. Robin asked why anyone would keep a video like that. Howard said he did one once but he destroyed it immediately. He said he doesn't look good and he knows it. He said Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee looked good though.
Howard said this woman Jill sent him a nice camera bag. He said he had to thank her for that.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Tiger Woods is going to be on Jimmy Fallon's show. Howard said he forgot all about his sex scandal. He said if you just wait long enough people will forget about that stuff. He said that you forget about that kind of thing. He said that if you're in a scandal and you think about killing yourself, just wait, everyone will forget. Robin said that Jimmy got Tiger on the show by offering to do a mini golf tournament.
Howard said he's gong to be on Jimmy's show on Thursday night. He said that's the end of his app tour. He said that he's going into hiding for the rest of his 5 years there at Sirius. Howard said he's done.
Robin read about how Time Warner is going to be available on the iPad. Robin said that they have a new app for that. Howard said he's not sure if he needs that. He said he has a Slingbox to do that already. Robin said that they'll have 30 channels available to watch. Howard said he might need that app after hearing some of the channels that will be available. Robin read that it's only good for watching at home though. She wondered what good that is. Howard said he doesn't understand that but he needs it anyway. He needs a lot of apps. He said some guy told him about a password program that will keep all of his passwords in one place. He said he doesn't know if he needs that or not.
Robin read about the Japan earthquake and how they've upped it to a 9.0 quake from an 8.9. Robin said that's pretty darn powerful. Howard said the one man who couldn't be anymore confused about that is Sal. He said he has no idea where Japan is. He had some Wrap Up Show clips of Sal talking about where he thinks it is. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Gary asked Sal if he took a map out right now, could he point out Japan. Sal said it's near California. He said it must be in the Western Hemisphere. Gary asked what continent it's on. Sal figured it was in North America. He said that Japan isn't a continent itself so it's not Japan. Sal said that he thought it was Tokyo but now he knows it's not.
Sal said that he knows the continents so he rattled some of them off. He said that Brazil may be one. He said he's not flying to any of them soon so he's not so worried about it. Jon asked if he was worried about what was going on over there. Sal said of course he is and he was retweeting George Takei's Tweets about how to donate to the Red Cross.
After that Robin got back to the news from Japan and how the nuclear reactors are melting down over there. Robin said that they have admitted that more radioactivity is leaking out than originally thought. Howard said that something freaked him out. They said that the fuel rods were exposed to the air and they said that they had mistakenly cut off the water that was supposed to cool it. Howard said they should be down there making sure no mistakes are being made.
JD came in and told Howard to play another clip of Sal trying to say hemoglobin. Howard played that one and Sal was talking about the Lyme disease tests and he kept saying ''e-mono-glob-lian'' instead of hemoglobin. Howard said Sal is out of his mind. He thinks that his Propecia might be making him ill but he didn't tell the doctor that he was on it. He said the guy is a moron and he never realized it. Robin said that he might have been trying to say something other than hemoglobin. It turns out it was Immunoglobulin.
Gary said that Sal is afraid that he's going to lose his hair even worse if he gets off of the Propecia. Sal said that he might tell his doctor he's on it... or not. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read more about the Japanese and had some audio of some people talking about how they're handling things over there right now. Robin said it's getting very cold there and it might snow soon. She said that people near the nuclear plants are being told to stay inside.
Howard had an article he pulled from the paper on Saturday. He said that this woman vented her frustration to her students by talking about a 12 year old who died at the beach. She wrote that she thought it was a good idea to bring her class to the beach. She lost her job and now she's fighting to keep it. Howard wondered why she would want to keep the job if she hates her class so much.
Robin got back to her Japan updates and played a clip of a guy talking about what it was like there during the earthquake. Robin said it's a mess over there and they can't get food, water and electricity in many areas.
Robin had another clip of a guy who survived the earthquake. He said it seemed to go on forever. Howard said he would freak out if that happened to him. He said he's not even happy he's going out there on vacation. He said he's just going because his wife is going and his daughter is out there too.
Howard said he thinks that Glenn Beck has lost his mind. He was talking about the Japan earthquake and tsunami. He played a clip and Glenn was talking about the earth literally moving under your feet and saying that it's a sign from God. Beck said that he's not saying God is causing earthquakes but he's not, not saying that either. Robin asked if he's drinking again. Beck went on to say that there is a message being sent. Howard said he's convinced the guy has run out of things to say. Beck was basically saying that we're being punished by God for something we're doing wrong. Howard goofed on him for a few minutes and did his own preaching for a short time.
Robin said that Dominic Barbara is in the paper gain today. She said that they're saying that he's under investigation for allegedly bilking some people out of money. Robin said that they have opened up an investigation into that. Robin said she's not sure what to say about that. She hasn't spoken to him. Howard said he did. He said he asked how he was doing but that was it. Robin said that it's getting into Madoff territory with him from what she's reading. Howard said he's innocent until proven guilty. Robin said she knows that.
Robin read a story about a woman who fought off muggers and she may have lost her life trying to keep her cell phone that had love messages from her husband. She said that she didn't have anything else of value in her purse.
Robin read about a 26 year old who was arrested for hopping a fence at Charlie Sheen's estate. He was caught shortly after.
Howard took a call from Miley Cyrus, actually Sour Shoes doing a bong hit sound. Howard said he's had better calls than that.
Robin said that one of the girls that was in there for the Charlie Sheen pageant is being sued by Charlie but he says he can't find her. Howard said she mentioned that to him and she was right there so he's not sure what he's talking about. Robin read more about that and said that Charlie is upset that she stole a $165,000 watch from him. Howard asked what would make that watch worth so much and why anyone would pay that.
Robin read a story about a bus that crashed in Philadelphia and killed two people. Robin said they're going to be investigating these bus companies now. Robin said that they don't know what's going on. Robin said that the guy that killed 17 people in the bus crash had a record for killing someone in the past.
Howard said he read that Kacey Jordan may have tried to kill herself in her hotel room. She's now claiming it was just a publicity stunt.
Robin read about Ryan Phillippe who may have another baby on the way. His ex girlfriend is claiming that she's carrying his baby. Howard said that guy is on a tear. He's dating Amanda Seyfried and he's been with so many other hot chicks. Robin said that he's in a new movie and she had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Paul Giamatti talking about his new movie ''Win, Win.'' They played that clip and a Clint Eastwood clip where he was talking about a movie he's in that just came out on DVD. They ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon went through some more stuff they were going to cover and asked if JD is going to do the Chuck Zito class. Gary said of course he's not.
Jon asked Gary if he can do his job on the Parks and Rec committee now. Gary said he thinks that it's over and he won't see the people who were against him. He said the people on the board are very nice and he thinks that it'll be fine. He said he's going to be on the board for 4 years. Benjy asked if they have a provision for recalling him or something. Gary said he's not sure if he can be impeached or anything like that. Gary said the people he'll be working with will be fine with him. Benjy asked if people walked out of that meeting really pissed. Gary said some did.
Jon brought up Gilbert Gottfried getting fired by Aflac. Gary said that they should have known who they had hired. He said he does some crazy stuff all the time. He said he was making jokes about Greg Giraldo within hours of him dying.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Sammy Hagar. He and Gary talked about the history as they knew it and said that it sounds like Sammy's story is different than what they remembered. They thought he had said he was bigger than Van Halen but Benjy said that he was just saying that he had a better deal than Van Halen had.
Jon said that Van Halen is a different band with Sammy and David Lee Roth. Gary said he liked the Sammy Hagar Van Halen but he liked the David Lee Roth Van Halen too. He said that both were good but Roth's was better. He said he doesn't hate them just because they had Sammy in the band.
Jon said that things always turn when you change management. They talked about some of the stuff Sammy mentioned about that and how the whole family thing can get in the way when you have them managing the band.
Gary said he interviewed the whole band in 1986 or so. He said he got rushed out there on a Saturday morning and he ran out there to do the interview. He said it was Sammy, Michael Anthony, Alex and Eddie. He said he asked some dumb questions and he had some really dopey questions that he asked. He told Jon about some of the questions and talked about how he some of the guys thought his questions were funny but the manager didn't like what he had done. He said the manager asked who did the interview and the manager called him over there. Gary said the guy asked what he was doing and he said he was just having fun. He said the manager looked at the questions and called him a piece of shit and kicked him out.
Gary said he went and hung out with the concert promoter. then he heard that the manager was looking for him so he hid him. Gary said he had to leave after that. He said he got out of there and they aired the stuff the following Monday. They spent a minute talking about the history of Sammy on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that both versions of Van Halen were great bands. He said that he'd like to hear some snippets from those interviews Gary did back in the day. Gary said he'll try to get that in there during one of the upcoming Mammary Lane shows or something like that.
Jon brought up the stuff Sammy was talking about doing during the song ''Eruption'' and how crazy that got.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he likes hearing them talking about what real music was about. He said they won't be hearing that in 20 years about today's music.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he used to think Sammy was an arrogant loud mouth but today he came across differently. He said he loved the interview. Jon said that he thought it was great too. They talked about how he sold his share of that Cabo Wabo tequila for like $80 million. They spent a minute talking about that. The caller said that he saw the reunion tour and it was great. He didn't see Sammy and Dave's tour but Gary thought that's what he was talking about. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was busted at one of the Van Halen concerts. He said he had a big bed sheet with a message on it asking them to show any singer that can do anything but run his fingers through his hair. He said he dog kicked out and it made it on to their ''Live Without a Net'' concert. He said he was a fan of Sammy's and he thinks that he had much more of a vocal range.
Jon asked Gary if he spoke to Neil about the email thing. Gary said he did and he was very up front about that. He said that Neil said that he won't abuse it so he'll get the call or email from Howard.
The caller said that he thinks that Neil is great and his book is ''Everyone Loves You When You're Dead.''
The caller told Gary about a special Ambien-like product that will put you to sleep but it's out of your body in 2 hours. He said it's called Sonata. That led to the guys talking about sleeping and their hours there.
Jon asked Gary about the Rolling Stone article about Howard and what he found in there. Gary said that there were some interesting things in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they talked about Ronnie Montros in the interview today. Gary said he thinks there was a reference to that. The caller said he's 55 so that was right in his rock and roll youth. He said they were a great band. He said he didn't hear the interview so he'll tune in to hear that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about why Howard didn't bust his balls on the committee vote like he did with his book. Gary said he's not sure why. The guy also told them to check out a band called Loudness because the guitar player is like the Japanese Eddie Van Halen.
Another caller asked if Sal can be as retarded as he is on the show. He said it has to be an act. He said no one can think that Japan is in North America. Jon said he's not retarded. Gary said he does think that Japan is in North America and it's not an act. Jon said that Sal is clueless when it comes to geography.
Gary said they had a conversation with Sal and he asked them if he could pass a test on geography if he studied. Gary said no. Benjy said that he thinks that he could learn it. He said it's what's important to you.
Sal came in and said that he's not retarded. He wouldn't be there if he was. Sal said he never said that Japan was in North America. He said California was in North America. Gary said that Sal said it was near California and it was in North America. Sal said he's not that stupid. He said he was answering Gary's question about where California was. Sal said he knows that Japan isn't in North America.
Sal told the guys that Japan moved 8 feet closer to California after the earthquake. He said he figured out that they were fucked and California was fucked after the tsunami. Gary asked how he can help his son with his homework when he thinks like this. Sal said the kid is going to be fine.
Sal said he knows there are 7 continents. He said there are 7 but they argue that there are 6. He said they argue that north and south America are not two continents. Gary said no one has ever argued that. Sal said that Europe and Asia are sometimes referred to as Eurasia.
Jon asked Sal to name the 7 continents. Sal rattled off the 7 and then Jon asked if Antarctica is north or south. Sal said he'd have to guess that it's the North pole... but it could be the South. Sal had some wacky thoughts on the whole North and South pole thing and the ''panorama of snow'' is still there even if Santa isn't really real. Jon and Gary asked Sal a few more questions and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sal how dumb he is. Sal told him to shut the fuck up and went off on him. Sal and the caller went back and forth with their insults for a minute.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Sal should just say IMGG for Immunoglobulin. He told Sal that he has Lyme Disease and it took them 9 months to figure it out. He said that it went on and on until they figured it out. Jon asked Sal if he'll go to a specialist now. Sal said he's going to. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about another sleepless night he had. Howard said Gary was also telling him that Brian Phelan gave Steve Martin a tour of the studio. No one else was around so Brian got him in there. Howard had Brian come in to talk about it. Howard said Gary was upset about it because he wasn't there to do it himself.
Howard asked Brian how it felt to give that tour. Brian said that everyone had gone out for Gary's lunch and he was the only one around. Howard said they sure have a country club lifestyle around there. Howard said he may have gotten an email about that lunch. He said Robin probably did too. Robin said she didn't get an email. She said she reads everything. She said she's in her inbox right now and there's nothing.
Howard said he's not sure what Robin does but she doesn't know how to work it. Robin said she gets every other email. Howard said he saw it. He just ignored it. Even Scott the Engineer got to go to the lunch. Howard did his impression of Scott for a minute and goofed on him for going to lunch instead of working. Brian said he rubbed it in his face too. Howard said he heard that Scott was too busy to do some work there but he must have finished it to go out to lunch.
Howard asked Brian what happened. Brian said Steve Leeds brought Steve in and the compound locks after 1 so he had to let him in. He was up there to promote his new CD. Brian said he had like 5 or 6 guys with him and it may have been his band. Robin said they should have had him in to perform. Howard said ''C'mon...'' It's bluegrass music and Howard isn't interested. Robin said they could make that exception for Steve Martin. Fred played some of the CD where Steve is playing Banjo. Howard said he can't put banjo on his thing. He would stop them after a couple of seconds.
Howard asked Brian what happened next. Brian said Steve didn't know there was a TV studio too. He said he showed Steve the studio and told him how Howard runs his own board. He said Steve was surprised at that. He told him how Howard does everything in there. He said that Steve was impressed.
Howard said he remembers talking about how running your own equipment is mandatory for having a successful show in that Rolling Stone article. He said they cut it out. Howard said that there are shows he hears where they don't play stuff loud enough and things like that because they can't change it on the fly. Howard said he finds it funny when Fred interrupts Robin with her theme music but some days he doesn't want it. He said that's all up to him. He said if it was up to someone else it wouldn't be good.
The guys talked about how things worked at NBC where they had an engineer doing all of that stuff. Howard said that made him mental. He said he wasn't legally allowed to run the equipment because of the unions. He said that they'd have to give the guy information about where they wanted the sounds to be played an all of that. Howard said he worked his own board in every other market. He said he got to know his stuff and that is key.
Howard said he's glad that Steve got to see his excellence. He said he likes impressing Steve. He said that you can't just start doing it. You have to have a lot of years of making it your own. Robin said Howard learned all of that instead of playing guitar or banjo. Howard said that's right. He could be a sound mixer but not a guitar player.
Howard said he was around the equipment like 16 hours a day. He said he'd do a 4 hour shift and stick around for 7 or 8 more. He said it was more like 12 hours but that's a lot of time being around it.
Robin said that she's not sure who is the bigger genius, Howard or Marconi. Howard said Marconi was the Steve Jobs of his generation.
Brian was about to leave but Howard got into a discussion about parades when Brian brought up the St. Patrick's Day parade that he'll be going to tomorrow. Howard wants no part of that.
Robin said that Brian has a lot of heroes. He had said that Steve Martin was a hero. Brian said he doesn't have a lot of heroes. Robin said he talks about bands he goes to see being heroes too. Howard said he had a good time going out with Brian in New Orleans many years ago. He said they were out throwing beads at women to get them topless. He said he thought Brian was the greatest guy to hang out with. Howard said Brian got high and he got so paranoid that he left. He said Brian thought he was annoying him and he left.
Howard asked Brian what happened. Brian said someone from CBS told him to calm down because she figured Howard was upset. Brian said she actually said Howard told him to calm down. Howard never did that. Brain
Gary said he's not sure if they told the story about what went on financially that night. He said that hey didn't want to get Vinnie in trouble with CBS. Howard said they were buying beads and they spent a lot of money on that. It was like $8,000 worth of beads. The dinner bill was $17,000.
Howard said that Mel found out about what went on down there and he flipped out. Vinnie had put that stuff on his own credit card and he had to expense all of that over the course of 30 months to get it paid. Howard said he was convinced that they were out to get him back then and they were looking for everything he did. Gary said the restaurant they went to in New Orleans was one they went to with the Late Show. Howard said that they have had a way of looking at him that's just wrong. He said they think he's up to something sneaky no matter what he does. Howard said he must be shifty.
Howard said everyone looks at him with crossed eyes. Howard said he had a meeting to talk about selling more subscriptions and he has gotten more memos and shifty looks. He said it's like they think he's trying to sneak something by and that's just not what's going on. He said he just wants to go back and sleep in his office. He said this is the story of his whole career. He said the radio business is shit.
Howard said he got a call about Kidd Chris getting fired again. He just bought a house too. He said the station switched formats and he got fired. He said this business is shit.
Howard said Tim asked Chris if he bought a house out there. Chris told him he had just bought one. Howard chuckled but then said it's really not funny.
Howard said he's taking back what he said about signing copies of Rolling Stone. He said that he had a bunch of guys standing outside of the building waiting for him to sign their copies. He said they won't stop with that. Howard said he will do it for his fans but not for them.
Howard said he didn't write to Jimmy or to Neil Strauss. Howard said that Gary told Neil about the email thing and that he doesn't want to be bothered with anything. Howard said that everything in his email is people asking him to help them out with something. Howard said he has to stop giving it out to people.
Howard said saying no to someone for him is really difficult. He said he was going to write back to Jimmy Fallon and tell him that the bit just isn't for him. He said he knows he'll be hurt. Howard said the bit is funny but it's not his thing. It's a cutesy bit and that's not his shtick. Howard said he likes the guy and he doesn't want to insult him.
Howard said these are the things rolling around in his head. That's why he's up at 2 in the morning. Howard said it's all trivial stuff. Howard said Beth was up at 2 in the morning too. Howard said that he was completely irritated. He said Beth is such a saint that she said maybe he wanted to have sex with her. Howard said he did want to have sex with her so they did that. He said that it was more like 3 in the morning by then.
Robin said the woman didn't have the kid in the way either. Howard said they barely know each other. He said that the guy was telling her how much he loves her on the after show. He said that the chick told him to hold on and back off for a second. He said she has a kid and she's not going to just pick up and leave her home.
Howard talked about what happened on the show and how the other chicks were talking about why he should have picked them. Howard said that they have the brains of a flea. Howard said the Bachelor said ''Please'' like 7 times. He played some of the audio of that. Howard was making fun of the way he says ''please'' which comes out like ''Pleace.''
Howard said they asked the woman why she won't marry this guy. She said that she didn't know him that well. Howard said that she should have just told the truth. He said the guy fucked the other girl on the show and she was probably upset about that. Howard said he fucked the other girl, that's what it was. Howard said that this is just his conjecture and he thinks that the guy fucked the other chick. He said that has to be the reason. He said no one says what they think and it's horse shit.
Howard said the women in that audience look like a bus hit them. He said that he's like an ugly woman watching the show himself. He said the show is over now but he loves it. Robin said she saw some clips of the After the Rose show but she's glad it was just clips.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked the Sammy Hagar interview yesterday. Howard said he was a good interview. The guy said he's going to go buy the book. He also said that he thinks the Howard 100 News Twitter is really good with the news stories they're putting up. Howard said they're trying to get more people to subscribe so that's why they're doing that. Howard said that he's doing this to get people in there and they think he's up to something. He said he's not including Robin in that because he doesn't want her head to explode.
Howard said he sleeps like a log during the weekends. He just has to get there. He said he has to figure out everything in his life right away. He said he's a nut. There's nothing normal about him. He said he was up asking Brent from Bubba's show what he uses for software and things like that. He said he's on fire with all of this stuff. Howard said it's all exciting.
Howard said he said on the air that he's been offensive all along and Aflac knew that when they hired him. He said they fired Gilbert and they had no right to. He said it made the news though. He played some clips of some of those reports. They were repeating the jokes on the news. Howard said that's not right.
Sal came in and told Howard that he's got an audition for the Aflac duck today. He said he's serious about that. Sal did his Aflac duck impression. Howard told him to do it in his own voice. Sal tried a few different versions. Sal said he's never said anything racist so he should be fine. He laughed when he said that.
Howard told Sal to use his black voice when he auditions. Howard said that would be funny if he got the job. He's 10 times worse than Gilbert.
Howard played more of the news reports about Gilbert. They were talking about how offensive Gilbert has been all along and how Howard Stern and Joan Rivers were speaking out about it.
Howard said that Gilbert never apologizes for anything but someone wrote him an apology. Howard said Gilbert would just laugh if you asked him to apologize. Howard said you can't get through to him.
Howard said that Gilbert doesn't even Tweet for himself. He said he tweets with hash tags and stuff and there's no way he's doing that on his own. Robin said he might write them but someone else is typing them in.
Robin said the apology was elegant so it couldn't be him. Howard said Gilbert has no heart so he was laughing when he read that apology. Howard said that he had to bend over and take it so it had to be really bad. Fred was playing some clips of Gilbert doing jokes about Bindi Irwin, the daughter of the Steve Irwin who got killed by the sting ray. He was telling her to ''Bindi over'' and things like that in the clips. Howard wondered what the phone call was like from his agent going over that.
Howard said the company that's keeping Gilbert is Shoedini. He said they're right behind him and not firing him. That led to them playing the audio of Gilbert doing the Shoedini commercial.
Howard said that Gilbert will do commercials for anything. He said you know that it's killing him that he lost the Aflac thing because it probably paid well. Howard said maybe he's not feeling anything because he really doesn't seem to care about much.
Howard played some prank calls Sal and Richard made using Gilbert Gottfried audio clips. They used a bunch of his clips from the show to call a guy and get him all confused about who he was talking to.
Howard said this whole apology from Gilbert is funny. He wondered if he's trying to get Aflac back or is he trying not to get fired by someone else. He said that he does a lot of different voices and stuff. He said that all of his work is G-rated but he's an X-rated guy.
Howard said Gilbert should get off Twitter. He said that's what fucked him up. Robin said those jokes wouldn't have been in a club for a month. Howard said he was writing about how his heart goes out to the victims in Japan. Howard said that's some heart. He said his heart isn't with the Japanese tsunami. Robin said that he probably thought he was cheering them up.
Craig Gass called in and said that he's going in for an audition for the Aflac duck too. Howard asked what his take is on it. Craig said they told him that he could do the voice mask of Gilbert or try his own. He said he recorded like 10 different voices. He said he did Tracy Morgan doing the duck and things like that. He said he got the call like an hour after the story broke. They were right on it. Craig said it can be a lot of money because they have legs. He said it could be a couple hundred grand. Howard said that they could think that it's still Gilbert if they don't change the voice.
Howard said he should go in and audition. Craig said he should. He said that he didn't think that they'd want to do a voice match since they wanted to get away from Gilbert. Howard thanked Craig for calling in.
Craig said yesterday was the 10th anniversary of him auditioning to sit in the studio. He said that could have been a Howard 100 News story.
Howard let Craig go after that. Howard said maybe they shouldn't use one of these comedians for the Aflac duck. He said that they're all offensive. Robin said he was saying it could be a couple hundred thousand dollar hit. Howard said they should hire Charlie Sheen to do the duck.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gilbert is the voice of a public TV character. Howard took another call from a guy who said he just got his Rolling Stone. He said that it's cool because it's two covers. He said it's awesome. Howard said they apparently get more advertising money with the double cover. Howard said it's a pretty substantial thing. The caller said he wanted to thank him for everything he does. He said it makes him happy every day. Howard thanked him for that and was about to go to break. Robin asked if he had anymore Gilbert stuff in the news. Howard had another prank call the guys made using Gilbert audio clips. He played that and then took a call from Yucko the Clown who said he was going to audition too. He gave his Aflac tryout and threw in a bunch of offensive things about the Japanese. Robin said that Yucko can only dream of being the Aflac duck.
Rachel Butera called in and said that she's going to audition today. She said it's apparently a big call out to every voice over person. She said that she's done some cartoons and things thanks to being on Howard's show. Howard said that's cool. Rachel does Underdog Lady, Tracy Millman, Little Lupe and other voices. She gave Howard some of those voices and spoke to him as Lupe and Tracey for a short time. She also did the Underdog Lady impression for a minute. Howard had her do the Aflac thing too and then let her go.
Howard said they should have Rachel do Little Lupe doing the Aflac duck. Robin said she used to do some voice over stuff but now she's on the show and she's got too much recognition. Robin said that she could do a cartoon character. Howard told her to go out and audition. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and wondered what happened to hat Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show. He and Fred spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he misses the giant cover of the magazine like it used to be. He said they should have made his cover giant sized because he's so important.
Howard said he got an email from his agent about getting the Bravery in Radio Award a couple of weeks ago. He said that he keeps every lame award now. He heard about this award and he thinks it's as lame as the Telly award. He said it's even less prestigious. Howard said they thought it would be funny if they had the guy come up there to present them with the award. He said when you get most awards you know where to go. This one is brought right to you.
Howard had Professor Rob Quick come in with the award. He's the one who is presenting him with the award. Rob had a British accent which seemed to surprise Howard. Rob is from William Patterson University. He said he teaches a communications course there. Howard said he's glad that he actually works at the radio station there. He said when he went to school they didn't do that. Rob told Howard he used to have his own morning show but he got fired.
Howard asked Rob about how he votes on this. He figured that they just gave it to him because he wanted to come into the studio. Rob said ''Of course.'' Howard said that they gave the same award to Cousin Brucie of all people. He did his Brucie impression for a few seconds.
Howard asked Rob why they gave Brucie the award. Rob told Howard that he was brave for the things he did on the radio. He pioneered rock and roll. Howard said he did not. There were guys on before him doing that. Howard said that Brucie didn't do anything brave. He worked at a rock and roll station. He didn't go on a blues station and change the songs. Howard goofed on Brucie for another minute.
Howard told Rob that Brucie was like a witness to an accident. He said he saw people playing records and he just happened to be there. Howard said that it should have been Robin and Fred who got the award. Rob said they didn't want to do that and give it to Howard the first year.
Howard asked who he was up against this year. Rob said he can't say. He said it's a closed voting thing. Howard asked Rob about how they come up with this stuff. Rob went through the process and Howard asked if he's getting laid at all. Rob said he's married happily. He has two kids.
Howard wondered who is going to win next year, Ryan Seacrest? Rob said that he might be one of the people Howard was up against today. Howard said that Ryan has done nothing and pioneered nothing. Rob said they went through and did a survey and found that half the students didn't know who Robin was. Howard ''How dare you.'' He said everyone knows who Robin is.
Howard asked Rob if anyone was against this whole thing. Rob said there were some people who were wondering how they could honor Howard and Robin. Howard said that this business is so shitty. He told him about Kidd Chris just getting fired and how he just bought a house. He told Rob he should tell his students not to buy a house when they get a job in radio.
Howard asked where his award was. Rob had the award and said he had a 10 second speech. Howard told him to unwrap it for him and show the plaque. Rob did that and then presented the award to him. Howard said they actually look pretty nice. Howard said he used to laugh at these awards but then something happened to him. He said he actually displays them now. Howard said he proudly displays all of them in his house.
Howard said he's so miserable in this business that he never embraced this stuff. He said that he got the Telly award and it's a joke. He said that this is shameful and this is just a college professor who is presenting this to him. Howard asked how many people voted for him. Rob said it was about 100 kids. He said it was a unanimous vote too. Howard asked who pays for the plaque. Rob said it comes out of the radio station budget. He said they'll be doing a fund raiser next week for the station. You can find out more at GoBrave.org
Howard asked Rob to do his thing and read the statement he had. He asked what he weighs. He said he's 5'8'' tall and he's 225 pounds. He said that he was thin when he came to this country but he's gotten fat here in the States.
Fred played some music and Rob read his statement about the award. Howard said it was a joke. He cut him off and told him to get on the scale in the studio. He figured he was more like 250 pounds, not 225. Rob got on the scale and he was 233 pounds. Rob said his shoes are like 5 pounds each and his jacket has lead in it. Howard asked how old he is. He said he's 36.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to do with the plaque. She said she'll take it home. She's not sure what she'll do with it there. Howard thanked Rob for the award and let him go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Fred why he had to play that song because now he had to listen to it. He said it's one of his favorite songs. He asked why the song moves him so much. He said he barely knows what the song is about. Robin said it's the sound that does it. Howard said he wishes he had written that song. He said it's beautiful. They spent a couple of minutes listening to that. Howard said he went to see Billy in concert and he asked what song he wanted to hear and that was the one he requested. Billy played it but it was also on his set list.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her headlines. Lisa came in and she was being shadowed by Caroline the intern. Howard asked what's going on with that. Caroline said that she wants to be a reporter so she's following around Lisa. She told Howard that Ronnie actually suggested it. Howard said he's told Ronnie to stay away from these people. Ronnie said that he only told her to follow her into the studio, that's it. He said he didn't do anything wrong. He told Howard to go away. Howard if he goes away then he's not going to have a job. Lisa said that he did tell Caroline to follow her in because it would be a great idea. Ronnie told her that Caroline should be following Steve Langford around since he actually does something.
Ronnie and Lisa went at each other for a minute. Lisa was making fun of his height and stuff. Lisa told him that there are things going on out in the hall so he should get back to work. Ronnie said there's nothing going on in there either.
Howard said he got a report from someone saying that Ronnie was Twittering during the show. The guy said he was Tweeting about NASCAR yesterday at 6:01. Ronnie said that was before the show started. Howard asked Ronnie if he's just doing it once a day. Ronnie said sometimes it's twice. He'll do it while waiting for Howard. Howard asked what his Tweet was today. Ronnie said people don't like the way he writes. He told them not to read it if they don't like it.
Howard said Ronnie wrote him a note once that looked like a second grader wrote it. Howard said he has to follow Ronnie to see his grammar and punctuation. Ronnie said he writes the number 2 instead of ''to'' to save space. Howard asked Ronnie if he's done for the day with Twitter. Ronnie said he Tweeted telling people that they don't have to read his stuff if they don't like the way he writes. He said he has a lot of people who like him so it's cool.
Ronnie said one girl sent him a picture of her boobs and now she's sent him her whole body. She wants to work at Rick's. He doesn't think that it will work because she has so many tattoos. He said she looks good but it's too many tattoos.
Howard said that Avril Lavigne has some cute tattoos and it's just the right amount. He said that's it. He said you shouldn't get a whole sleeve. Howard said this girl could have worked at any strip club but she's given herself a handicap. Ronnie said she's cool and she's got some interesting Tweets too. Howard said Ronnie is following like one person. Gary said that at one point he was following 4 people and one was the dancer. Ronnie said it's the same girl.
Ronnie said that he ends his Tweets with ''LFSH'' which is ''Lets Fuck Some Whores.'' He said that the ''Topless'' thing is taking off too. The caller said that he'll give him props on that but he's disgusted by him getting lap dances on Howard TV. Ronnie said he's a regular guy and he's just getting a lap dance. He said this caller, Matt, wishes he was getting one right now. Ronnie was goofing on the guy's strange accent.
Howard said he retweeted some video of the guys dancing in the studio and they cut Lisa's dancing off. He said that they should have left more of that in. He said that they should have left it in. Doug Goodstein said they let it play until she stopped dancing. Howard said she dances more in the video. Howard said that Doug told him about this special they're putting together that's like an hour and a half long and he wanted him to watch it with him. Howard said he doesn't have time to do that. He said he has 50 other things he has to do. He has Tim up his ass with budgets and shit. He said he just wanted a copy and he'd tell him what he wanted edited. Robin said Doug is trying to make it easier on himself. Howard said Doug wrote him back and said that wouldn't work and they need him there.
Doug said they're going to be doing something special for the next 3 years so he has to be in sync with them. Howard told him to do whatever he wants. He doesn't care. Howard told him to give him the tape and he'll tell him how to do it. Howard said he didn't want to sit there with Doug and Fat Gange watching that stuff.
Howard said Gange was asking him for diet advice and he told him some stuff to do and he didn't want to do any of it. Ronnie and Howard goofed on Gange for a short time. Ronnie went on a trip with him and saw how much he eats. Howard said that Gange is a big baby and he tried to tell him what to eat and he doesn't like any of the stuff he suggested. He said he told him he doesn't have to deprive himself. He just needs to have smaller portions. Howard said Gange is always asking about what to eat but then 3 days later he was back to eating his old ways.
Howard said it was like Robin going around with Tim. Howard said that son of a bitch is fatter than ever. He said Gange has dozens of pictures of food on his Facebook. He's like a rabid animal back there. He said they ordered him a Grandma Style pizza and he got upset that everyone ate it. Howard said the guy carries on with his weight so much.
Howard asked Ronnie how many followers he has now. Ronnie said he has like 25,000. He said that one girl wanted an audition at Rick's. The caller was still on the line goofing on him about that. Ronnie said this guy is the biggest hater. He said he has so much free time that he'd love to know what he does.
Howard showed Robin the pictures that Gange puts up on his Facebook. Most people put pictures of their girlfriend's up. Gange puts pictures of his meals. They showed a few of those and Howard goofed on him about all of that.
Howard asked Matt what he does for a living. Matt said his job is to talk about how creepy Ronnie is. He said he's essentially an out of work musician. Ronnie said he knew he was unemployed. Matt said Ronnie is creepy but Ronnie said he doesn't care. He said he has a good time hanging out with women and he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. Ronnie also said that he doesn't put those videos up. He said it's Howard TV that's doing it.
Howard asked Matt to play something for him. Matt said that he'd have to go get his guitar. Howard said it is kind of creepy watching Ronnie getting that lap dance. Ronnie said he was doing it for Howard TV. They showed some of that clip as they were talking about it.
Howard asked Lisa what she wrote down during the Bravery Award thing. She told Howard some of the stuff she wrote. She said that she keeps the notes for a few days to go back and look at. Lisa also interviewed the guy in the green room.
Howard asked Caroline if she's going to do her thing like Lisa does. She said she will. She said she'll be shadowing Lisa until Noon today. She said that Lisa has given her some dating advice too. She said that she's getting advice on everything. She said she might have to make it a permanent thing.
Howard said he heard that Lisa had a fight with Gregg Karmel in the hall. Lisa said they have a policy there about who gets the interview in the hall. She said that once in a while she'll ask a question when there's a lull in the conversation with a celebrity. Howard said that the Howard TV people can tape it when she asks a question. Gary said they need clean stuff for the TV show. He said that the TV guys say that Lisa can follow the guest out to the elevator and the Howard TV guys can't. Howard said that they're overwhelming people there.
Gregg came in and said that Lisa interrupts and she has no tact. He said she interrupts his questioning. Lisa said that she felt there was a lull in the conversation so she threw in a question. Gregg said she knows the protocol and she interrupts. Lisa said they had to take him out of there yesterday so she had to ask while he was there.
Howard said that they have to work this out. They can't have a whole press conference there. Howard said they can cut up the interview. Gregg said that she asks moronic questions too. He said he was asking Sammy Hagar about the reconciliation with Eddie and Lisa interrupted and asked what it's like having his wife in the studio with him. Gregg said that throws him off. He said that guest haven't been complaining lately but this is the kind of thing that she'll ask about.
Gary said what he thinks he's hearing is that this system works with Langford but not with Lisa. Gregg said that's what it is. He said that Caroline should be following Langford. Lisa said that's not funny and it's disrespectful. Gregg said that she's disrespectful. Lisa said that things have been going fine for 6 years.
Howard asked Gregg what the solution is. Gregg said she has to follow protocol. She has to go back to waiting for him to finish with his interview. He said that she has no right to interrupt him. He said she's the one being disrespectful.
Howard told Gary to take care of this. He wants out of it. He said he just wants to do the show and get out of there. Gary asked Lisa why she can't wait for Gregg to finish his questions. Howard asked what they're asking. Gregg said that he thinks he's asking relevant questions. Lisa said that Gregg is very talented but he'll talk over their answer and she can't use that tape. She said she has to edit it and it's tough for her.
Howard said he's out of this. Lisa asked why. Howard said he got into radio to do the radio show and everything else is what he doesn't want to be involved with. He said he doesn't like people and he dislikes everyone he sees. He said he likes radio and Beth. Other than that it doesn't matter to him what goes on around there. He said Gary is in charge. He said he just wants to be with Robin and Fred and sometimes Benjy. He said even Gary he doesn't want to be around. Howard told Lisa that it's all up to Gary now. He said that they have to listen to what Gary says and he doesn't even want to know what's going on.
Howard said he heard from Tim about people not doing their job there so he told Tim to just fire these people. He said his agent called him 10 minutes later and took that away from him. Howard said you either do your job or you don't. He said if he doesn't do his job then he's going to get fired. Howard said the country club is over there. He said they're running a business there.
Howard said that he knows he's going to hear from Gary about this. He said he wants him to take care of it but he'll hear about it. Gary said that he thinks things should stay the way they are. He said that it's working for everyone but one person. Howard said that those two are going to kill each other.
Howard asked whose hands it should be in. Lisa said they're working on getting a better microphone and she should be able to stop with the interrupting if she's further away. Gary said it has nothing to do with that. Gregg said that Caroline really should be shadowing Langford. Lisa said she's had enough and he has to stop with that. Gregg said he's bitten his tongue for years and he's had enough. He told her to cut the crap.
Gregg said he's respectful to people and he's sure that people will back him up on that. Gary said that Howard approved this process years ago. Howard said he doesn't want to be involved in the horse shit. Gary told him not to get involved then. Gary said he's going to have a meeting with their bosses, Doug and Brad, about all of this. He'll handle it.
Gregg said that Lisa is the problem and there are other people who will back him up on that. Howard said he's out of this. He doesn't want to hear anymore.
Gregg told Lisa not to F with him anymore. He said he's had enough. He said that he and Steve can co-exist no problem but not with Lisa. He said he's done. Lisa said she gets it. They don't need to talk about it anymore. Lisa said that this policy is the same and she messed up yesterday. She said it won't happen again. Gregg said that they did the same thing at the Jimmy Kimmel shoot. He said that she did the same thing there. She has to back off. Howard said they can't hassle people. Gregg said that Lisa doesn't listen.
Howard said he likes Lisa's get up and go. She ended up breaking down and crying. Jason ran in there to take pictures of her. Lisa said she takes her job very seriously. Howard said the reason she's there is because she cares. He asked if she recognizes that. Lisa said ''No, yes, I don't know.''
Gregg said this was bull. He said there's a certain way to do things professionally and she's not doing it. Howard said that if he was that serious then he'd be crying too. Howard said there are people there who have a country club lifestyle and he's had it with everyone. He told Lisa to get in there and ask her questions. Fuck Gregg. He told her that she's a reporter and she should never apologize. He told her to work it out with Baba Booey. Howard said he's leaving it in the hands of his producer.
Ralph called in and told Howard how annoying it was when he was being interviewed after the Piers Morgan show. Howard said they had like 50 cameras on him after that. Ralph said that's his point. He said it's annoying when they do that stuff. Howard said they were asking him to do stuff for their online presence. He said that he did the show longer than he needed to and he was woozy after it.
Howard asked Caroline if she still wanted to do this. She said she does. She said she wants that kind of passion. Howard said she's going to be sitting home with her violin and her cats.
Ralph asked Gregg who he is to say that Lisa's line of questioning is inane. Gregg said that he's seen it for like 5 or 6 years now. He said he knows how to walk the line better and he doesn't ask the line of questions that Lisa does. Ralph said he's not the one who should be looking down on it. Gregg said that everyone does.
Angry Black called in and said that he must feel like a tough guy now that he made this woman cry. Lisa said that he didn't make her cry. She said Howard knows why she cried. Gregg said that it's evident where the problem lies when you see how well he and Langford work together.
Howard said Gary is going to handle this. He said that Gary was in the paper today and they called him ''The Toothy 50 year old...'' Howard said that's not right. Angry Black said he should take legal action on that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and said that they should alternate days. Robin said that won't work. Another caller said that when Lisa is just an annoying bitch. Robin said this has disintegrated. Howard said this isn't working out very well. He told Gary to handle the whole thing. He said he's giving him the chance to produce like a real producer. Gary said Brad Driver told him that it was all rectified yesterday.
Howard said he didn't even know Gregg had a personality. He had never seen him like this. Gregg said he still feels wronged and if Lisa apologizes to him then he'll let her off the hook. He said he thinks that she's known what she's been doing all along. Fred threw in a couple of Baba Booey song parodies during that discussion. Gary said that no one is going to respect him if he keeps playing these song parodies. Howard did his impression of Gary for a short time too. He joked about him taking a nap and hoping that Doug wouldn't put it on camera because they have an agreement. Robin was goofing on him too so Gary asked if he was being goofed on by a woman whose whole life is run by a boat captain.
Howard asked Gary if he's going to handle this. Gary told him that it was handled already. They're all set. Howard told everyone they could leave after that. He told Gregg not to point at people when he's arguing. Gregg said he knows. Howard told them to go out and interview Gary together in the hall. They can work it all out there. Howard said it sure sounded like Gary had it all worked out. He played some more Baba Booey song parodies and goofed on him some more.
Howard said he was burnt out from all of this. He said this was some day for Caroline to be shadowing Lisa. He told her to go take a dump to feel better. Fred played her ''Lisa G takes dumps at work'' theme song as Howard was wrapping up with them. Howard asked Robin how she thought he handled that. Robin said it was a mess. Howard said it's like a loony bin around there.
Howard said he hired Tim and Gary to handle all of the stuff there. He said he doesn't think that this was all handled. Gary said that Lisa was spoken to by her boss and it's done. He said it's been handled. Howard said he likes that Gary is on it. He told him not to bring that kind of stuff to him again. He said he was going to play the roast stuff but now he can't get to it. Gary said it'll be there tomorrow. This stuff was great for today.
Howard said he had to take a break but they have this Speech Impediment Idol contest going on. You can find out how to enter at SiriusXM.com/Howard. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said yesterday he was talking about that kid who gets bullied and defends himself. He said he read that the kid who threw the other kid got suspended. He said that the kid was being bullied. He said the video was great and it was like the best thing he had ever seen. He said the school suspended the bully for like a month and the kid who defended himself got suspended for 4 days. Howard said he kid couldn't walk away. He had to defend himself. Howard said this was up in Canada and they never fight. He said they just stay neutral. Gary said that it was actually in Australia. Howard said that's what he said... those Australians never fight. Howard said the kid got punched in the face and he defended himself.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said he's trying to get some copies of Rolling Stone so he asked Gary to go out and get some. He said that he keeps getting asked for copies. Robin said maybe they should go out and buy it on their own. Gary said Robin asked for one. Robin said she wanted to read the preview copy so she could see what was in it. Howard said Robin should have gotten one. He said he's going to go out and buy some. Gary said he has an email in asking for some copies. He sent that to his agent.
Howard said he was working out yesterday and his buddy Pat wanted to read the magazine. He had a copy of it on him and it was pointed out to him that he carries copies of his magazine with him. He said he'd not the kind of guy who does that but he guesses he is now.
Howard asked Jon what he had for them today. Jon's mic was off so he told him he has to turn it on. He said he's been doing this for years. Jon said he thought he had it on. It's actually Howard who forgets to turn it on.
Jon ran down the stuff he had for today's show and they ended up talking about Gregg and Lisa G for a short time. Jon ran through a few more things and then Howard had Robin start her news.
Robin started her news with a story about the Hispanic population rising faster than expected. She asked Howard what he thinks about that. Howard didn't know what to say. Robin said she likes that it was a headline. She read the story and Howard mentioned that one of his daughters is fluent in Spanish. He said it's weird to see her speaking so freely in Spanish.
Howard said he had some audio of Christine Naggy complimenting him on the BBC. Howard played that clip and in it Christine, who used to work there at Sirius, was talking about her morning show and how she ended up working at Sirius XM with Howard Stern. Christine said she saw Howard and froze for a second. She said that Howard said hi to her and it was a really shy hi. She said that he actually said it to her. Christine said that he was gone when she turned around to say hi back. The host of the show said that there is no one in that country that can do what Howard Stern does.
Howard said he should play that for Beth. He said that she's always got people hitting on her so he should play that for her.
Robin got back to her news and asked Howard if she thinks that someone can lead someone else to suicide. Howard said that you really can't. He said that there are people who try to do that but you can't really force someone to do it. Robin said there's a man who is being accused of inciting people to commit suicide on the internet. Robin said one person was in Canada and another in England. He used his internet chat to encourage suicide. Howard said that no one is going to tell him what to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Sammy Hager interview was great. He said that the guy is a genius with what he did with the Cabo Wabo tequila company. Howard said he agrees that the guy is smart. He said he's not arguing about that. They talked about his travel agency too yesterday. The guy is smart.
Robin read that The Bachelor and that girl are already over. Howard said he knew that already. Robin said she's shocked. Howard said that he's kind of a big dummy and the chick isn't much of a brain either.
Robin read about how Courteney Cox is talking about David Arquette. She says she's David's biggest protector. Howard asked why she's divorcing him then. Robin said she blames herself for that. Howard said she does not. Robin said that is what she says in this article. He said this is just what they say in public. Robin said Courteney says that David won't be doing Howard Stern again anytime soon. Howard said he hates to break it to her but David wants to come in and do the show for a full week.
Robin read about Eva Longoria coming out and talking about her divorce. Robin had some details on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a revolutionary way to masturbate. He said that he won't have to aim. Howard said he doesn't aim, he puts the tissue on the end of his cock. Robin sounded kind of shocked by that. Howard said that's what guys do. Benjy said that he uses a sock. Fred uses tissues. The caller told Howard to use a plastic cup and throw it away. Howard said that's silly. He said the guy is insane. Howard said you just flush the tissues down the toilet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has testicular cancer and he might lose both of his balls. He said he waited a long time and he has tumors in both. He said he figured it would go away so he didn't go to the doctor right away. He said his ball got huge and he didn't go to the doctor. Howard asked how big it go. He said it's like a giant lime. The caller said the doctor told him he will be able to have sex if he takes testosterone. Howard asked if he's married. He's single with a daughter and he's 33 years old. He said that he will still be able to get a hard on according to the doctor. Howard said it doesn't sound so bad to him. He said balls aren't that attractive anyway. Robin asked if he'll have seminal fluid. He said he doesn't know about that. He said that the doctor said he would still produce semen but it won't have sperm in it. Howard said that without balls he can get his cock inside further. Howard said it doesn't sound so bad to him.
The caller said he got into comedy because of Howard. Howard said he was joking about the cancer but it's not a joke. He said that it sounds like he'll be okay though. Howard asked if he would send photos of his giant balls. The caller, Joey, said he guesses he could. Howard wished him luck and let him go.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about the emperor of Japan coming out and talking about what's been going on there. Fred threw in Gilbert Gottfried's laugh clips during that. Howard had a conversation with the Gilbert clips and asked how he feels about the disaster. Fred just had Gilbert laughing at all of it.
Robin had some updates about what's going on with the radioactive fallout over there. That led to more Gilbert laughs. Howard would ask questions and Fred would play different Gilbert laughs. They talked about how they're running out of potassium iodide over there because everyone wants it.
Robin read some news about Gilbert Gottfried and 50 Cent getting into some trouble for joking about what's going on in Japan.
Robin read about a UCLA student who got into trouble for putting up a YouTube video complaining about Asians on campus. That has led to death threats from other students. Robin had some audio from the video. Fred played some more Gilbert laughs. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the radiation exposure over in Japan and how volunteers that are going over there could be exposed to the radioactivity.
Robin read about how Californians are worried about their nuclear power plants after the Japan disaster. Howard said he doesn't want to go out there but Beth wants him to go. He said she's entitled to go somewhere and he can't be a stick in the mud all the time. He said he wants to see his daughter out there too. He said he'd like her to cancel but then he wouldn't get to see his daughter. Howard said his daughter is up in San Francisco so he knows there's going to be an earthquake.
Robin told Howard they have a nuclear power plant on Long Island too. Fred said it's actually north of New York City. Robin said there used to be one on Long Island too.
Robin read about a senator who is trying to get our troops out of Afghanistan by this summer. Robin had some audio of that senator talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to stop with the word ''genius.'' He said he called Steve Martin a genius and the guy isn't a genius. Howard said he is. He writes books, he does comedy, he plays music and he's a genius. Howard said he's more brilliant than other people at what he does. The caller said that he's mixing apples and oranges. Howard told the guy to stop telling him what to say. Howard said he'll just say he's a very talented man from now on then.
Robin read a story about how other countries are trying to create no-fly zones over Libya. Robin said that they're trying to stop the bombings of citizens there.
Robin read about Tony Hawk divorcing his third wife. Robin said he left her for his business partner's wife. Howard said the guy has to be mentally ill to be going out with a married woman. He said that there are a million women out there for the guy. Howard said he's going to have to tune into his show there on Sirius and ask him some questions about this. Robin read some other details about his other wives and who they were. One of them was his former publicist and the other was a former nanny. Robin said the friend whose wife he was cheating with had been a groomsman in all 3 of his other weddings. Howard told Gary to book him on the show.
Robin read that tiger Woods will be on Jimmy Fallon's show tonight. She said that he'll be playing a mini golf challenge.
Robin read about this singer Nate Dog who just died. Robin said that he was only 41 years old. Robin said he had a couple of strokes recently.
Robin mentioned the Donald Trump roast that was on Comedy Central last night. Howard said he'll play some clips tomorrow.
Robin mentioned the movie ''Limitless'' and said that she texted Bradley Cooper after the show and he really liked being on and he was sorry he didn't have much to say. Howard said he was on Inside the Actor's Studio crying. He said he really lost it. Robin said she can't be with him if he's a crier. Howard played the clip and Bradley broke down when he was asked who his basic technique teacher was. He wasn't able to speak at first. He went on to talk about his teacher.
Howard said that he just got handed a note saying that Bradley Cooper has been sneaking around with someone else. They say he's been with Sandra Bullock and Jessica Biel. Howard said maybe that's why he clammed up when he was asking him about Renee.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about working with Bradley Cooper in the movie ''Limitless.'' Robin had some audio of Matthew McConaughey talking about his new movie. Robin had some audio of an actor talking about working in the new movie ''Win, Win.''
Robin said that Clint Eastwood's movie ''Hereafter'' will be out on DVD this week. She had some audio of him talking about that too. They ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Sal has a shot at getting the Aflac duck job. Gary said that they put an open call out to everyone and anyone who wants to do it. He said he and Jason were thinking it was funny because Sal said his agent called for him to go. He said that all of his clients are probably going. Jon asked what the odds are that he'll get it. Gary said it's a million to 1.
Jon mentioned the Doug Goodstein meeting Howard won't be having. He said he made that clear on the air that he won't be doing that. He also brought up the Mike Gange diet advice Howard was giving. Gary said that Howard has always struggled with his weight and Gange asks him about that every 5 years or so.
Jon said he wanted to start with the big fight between Lisa G and Gregg Karmel. He said there was a lot of passion flying around there. Gary asked about the intern who was shadowing Lisa. Gary said no one ran that by him so he's not sure what was going on there. He said that maybe they ran it by Tim but no one told him about that if they did. Gary said that's just the lack of respect around there.
Jon said the lack of respect thing seems like a theme for today. Gary said he's not sure why Howard was giving him a hard time about their plan to make things work between the TV and news teams.
Jon asked Scott the Engineer about catching shit about the lunch he went to for Gary's birthday. Scott said it was the end of his work day and he went to lunch that he was invited to. Gary wasn't sure why he was singled out either. Jon said it seemed like Scott had a tough time at work because his door was closed. Scott said his intern wasn't there so he was busy and there was a lot going on between Lisa and Gregg in the hall so he wanted some quiet.
Jon said that Gary wasn't informed that Caroline was shadowing Lisa and Tracey Millman wasn't notified either. Gary said that maybe Caroline asked Lisa and Lisa said it was fine. They should have run it by Gary and Tracey though.
Gange came in and said that the diet story was 20 years old. He said that he hasn't asked for his advice lately. Jon asked why he was giving them a hard time about the behind the scenes special. Gange said that they need Howard's input on it and Howard was the one who got the ball rolling to begin with.
Jon also asked Gange about his eating and why he's posting pictures on his Facebook account. Gange said that's just what he does. Gange said that his meals are better food than someone like Jason's food. He said that he only takes pictures of something that's really good.
Gange said he has a friend, Mike, who is really organized about going out to eat. He said they'll go to Morton's and he'll tell them what to order. One night they went out and Ronnie thought it was a goof because of the process Mikes goes through. He has a whole plan when they go out.
Jon asked Gange what the best meal was. Gange said he doesn't know. He just snaps a shot of the meals he eats. Jon asked if he does it when he's on a date. Gange said he doesn't do that on a date. He said that would be weird.
Jon asked Gange if he saw the tension coming from Gregg. Gange said it's been there a long time. He said he knew it was building for a long time. Jon said that it's kind of been worked out according to Gary. Gary said the Langford thing is unfair because he doesn't do those interviews that Lisa does. Gange said they've been out on other shoots though and they do a similar thing to what Lisa does there.
Gregg said that what Lisa does is intrusive. He said it only happens when it's someone like Bradley Cooper or Sammy Hagar. It doesn't happen with Jeff the Vomit Guy. Gregg said that it might be that A-Lister thing that gets her to interrupt.
Jon said that they are entertainment stars so he can see why she'd want to get that kind of audience. Jon said that it did seem like a lack of respect thing between them. Gregg said that it comes up over and over again and they've been there for over 5 years now so it's tough. Gary said that Gregg told him that he can only have that conversation so many times before you lose your cool.
Jon said that Howard wanted Gary to take care of all of this stuff. Gary said Howard wants to have his hand on everything so sometimes you do have to go to him for a solution. He said that he could have handled this whole thing but Howard may not have liked what he did.
Tim Sabean was in and told Jon that he goes to Howard and Don and he tries to keep them aware of what's going on. He said they are Howard's channels so he has to have him involved. Gary said that in the history of interns they have let 3 go. He said he can't let them go without Howard's input.
Tim said that they had a meeting over the Gregg and Lisa thing and they thought they had something that would work out. He said that the great news about that place is that everyone has a strong passion for what they do. He said they're good at what they do and everyone is fighting for their turf.
Gary said that he knew what they were in for with the Gregg and Lisa thing and he figured that it would be good for radio. He said he thought it was a good half hour of radio. Jon agreed but he had to take a break before talking more about it.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thought about that whole thing with Lisa. Ronnie asked why Lisa would say it was him. He said no one is supposed to be in the hallway other than him. He said that Lisa and Caroline were in the green room and in the hallway so he joked around and told Lisa that if she's shadowing her, is she going in there with her. That's all he said. Benjy thought it was a fun idea but Ronnie should know if she's going in because he should know who is going into the studio. Gary said he made sure it was okay with Howard first.
Gary said the weird thing was that Lisa and Caroline stood there during the break they took in the middle of that whole thing.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about Lisa making fun of him today. Ronnie said it's fine. He said that he knows Lisa loves him. He said that she was talking to him the other day and she told him that he had her vote as far as being her man over Sammy Hagar. They talked about how Sammy looks great for 63 though.
Jon played a clip of Howard telling Lisa and Gregg how much he appreciates their passion and that led to Lisa crying.
Gary said that Lisa showed Gregg and showed how passionate she is about her job by crying. Gregg said he hopes that's what it was because he never intended to make a woman cry.
Benjy said that Lisa never said anything about Gregg pointing a finger at her and Howard pointed it out to Lisa. He said Lisa never said anything about it until Howard pointed it out. He said he's not sure if she was really upset or if she was upset because Howard pointed it out.
Jon said Gregg seemed to think that it was his pointing that made her cry and she was trying to get some pity. Gregg said that he was dead on but now that he knows what happened he's not sure what it was. He said he hopes he wasn't the cause of her tears.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the pecking order is as far as the TV guys and the News goes. He thought that the TV guys should just be documenting what's going on silently. Gary said there is no pecking order. It's based on situation by situation. Gary said that the TV guys get to do their thing and then the Howard 100 News people get to do their thing because they have the latitude to move around more.
Gregg said he's not trying to assert himself there. He said he tries to talk as little as he can. The caller said that it seems to be getting worse there with the TV guys. Gregg said that everyone has their breaking point and this was his.
Benjy asked the caller why it bugs him. He said that it's just interesting to him and he likes to see where the buttons are pushed there. He said it's disrespectful to Howard when they do this stuff.
Jon asked Doug Goodstein if he's on some kind of power trip. Doug said he's not and if he was they'd know it first hand. Gary said that Doug wants Howard to come and watch some stuff but it's not about the power trip. He's just trying to get Howard to watch some stuff so they can make it great.
Doug said that he'd like to have Howard there to do the presentation with this huge change in Howard TV. He said that it was Howard's idea to begin with so he's not sure why the request is so odd. Gary said that it's funny when Howard does that to people as long as it's not him. Doug said he's not sure what's real and what's not but he just rolls with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's glad that Gregg stood up to Lisa. He said that she thinks she's the queen bee there and she's always brown nosing Howard and stuff. He said that he's tired of Benjy defending her too. He said she's an annoying bitch. He said it's not supposed to be about her. It's supposed to be about Howard Stern.
Gary said he thinks that this was about people stepping on other people's jobs. That's all it was. They had to go to another break after that.
Jon said that Fred was snubbed with the award. So was Gary. Gary said maybe they'll get it next year. Gary said he knows this sounds gay but when Howard gets an award he feels he's part of it and he doesn't need to be named.
Jon asked Benjy if he felt left out. Benjy said that it didn't bother him, it made sense. Jon asked if the college it comes from makes a difference. Gary said it absolutely does.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is correct and they shouldn't change the protocol for just one person there. He said that Gary has so much on his plate already and he shouldn't have to handle all of this stuff. He said that it should be Doug and Brad that sit down and come up with a resolution. The caller asked why they can't have an On Demand type of thing for Howard's radio show. Gary said that sounds interesting but he doesn't know if they can do that.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to point out something with Lisa and Gregg. Ralph said Gregg said something about Lisa getting amped up for A-listers and not for Jeff the Vomit Guy. Ralph said that the A-listers have limited time there and they might run out at any second. Gregg said that Lisa won't even approach Jeff the Vomit guy. She'll go out of her way to introduce herself to the A-listers. Ralph isn't sure what that bothers him. He said that Lisa is the celebrity person and she's just doing her job. Gregg said it's a protocol thing and he can't just let her keep stepping on him. He said he bit his tongue for 5 years and he tried to speak to her calmly until yesterday.
Gary said they have some rules there about not asking for photographs and autographs. He said that they run a very tight ship compared to other places. Ralph said they have to do that because people are so stupid in general. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how people misinterpret his show. He said none of this is life and death though. Howard said that he's not sure what's going on with him. He said he hates doing TV appearances and he has this Jimmy Fallon interview today. He said he called the pre-interview guy to find out what they want him to do. He said he doesn't want to do the bit that they want him to do.
Howard said he hasn't been sleeping and he thinks that it might have something to do with the appearances he's been making. He said he was very funny on the phone with the pre-interviewer and he had the guy cracking up. Howard said he won't remember any of this by the next day. He told the guy to tell Jimmy this stuff and he'd try to be funny on the show. He said that he's going to be on the show with Leon Russell. Robin said that she's going to be working with Leon out in Napa.
Howard said he's going to be on with Leon and someone else he doesn't remember. Howard said he joked that he'd go out and work with Leon and play piano. The interviewer asked if he was serious. Howard said he was. Howard said that Penn and Teller are the other guests. He said they may be too booked up but maybe that's good. He just wants to get the fuck out of there. He said Penn and Teller have a lot to say.
Howard said he was watching American Idol last night and he might be ready to bail out of the show. He misses Simon and the music is awful. He said that the guy Jimmy Ivy is a waste of time. Robin said he's frightening to look at. Howard said he's no less frightening than that guy.
Howard said he saw a cut of the show that Howard TV is working on. It's called Behind the Scenes and it will be a regular thing on Howard TV. Howard said that if you're a fan of the show this is going to show what goes on behind the scenes. They do 3 different segments. One of them is about JD cleaning his office. Howard said it shows his relationship with JD. He said he has a lot of interaction with him because his office is right next to his.
Howard said they have another segment where he went to Jon Stewart when he was sick and it doesn't show just how sick he was feeling. Howard said this series should turn a lot of people on to that show.
Howard said he watched that American Idol last night and the singing was really bad. One of the kids ruined a Nirvana song and they were telling him he was good. Robin said she saw some of it and had to turn it off.
Howard said he went to bed and went right to sleep. He said he woke up at 1 in the morning again. He said he thought it was 10 but it turned out to be 10:53. He said he was wide awake and he ran for the Ambien. He said he keeps it in a drawer and he's had the same prescription since 2005. He said that it's 6 years old but it still works. He said he might have to get another prescription.
Howard said he was supposed to go to his shrink today but he can't do it because it's St. Patrick's day. He said this parade is in the middle of a work week and it's insanity that they allow it to go on. They should hold it on the weekend at Midnight or something. He said they could have it on Long Island or in Jersey. Robin said they have them all over the place. Howard said he doesn't understand it. It's just a bunch of high school kids coming in and getting drunk.
Howard said he's shooting Jimmy Fallon's show today and he's not even sure why. He said he has to deal with the parade and they want him there by 4:15 but they don't shoot until 4:45. Howard said he's the only guy out there promoting Sirius and he's treated like an asshole for it. He said he doesn't want to do the show but he likes Jimmy. He said he's trying to be the cheerleader there but they all think he's up to something trying to sell Sirius. He said that he's not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes. He's just trying to sell some radios. He said he's there for another 5 years and he's trying to make it succeed.
Howard said he has two jobs. Howard TV and Sirius. That's it. He said he's still the enemy around there. They wonder what he's up to and what he's trying to pull. He's done with promotion after this. Howard said he's going into hiding after this like that fucking Oprah. He said she came there once after they paid her $50 million. Howard said she took 50 million from them and she's doing nothing for them. Howard said she should be promoting out there but she doesn't do a thing. He said she doesn't care if the company goes under. Howard said he's the cheerleader there. He said he's proud of what they've accomplished. Howard said he should be on the most wanted list.
Howard said he's hoping after these appearances that he'll be able to relax. He said he's done with Ambien. He said he can't keep taking that stuff. It works well but he doesn't want to keep taking it. Robin said she just lays there if she can't fall asleep. Howard said that's what he wishes he could do. Howard said he wants to go do something if he's up.
Howard said he opened up the paper this morning and saw some articles in the paper about his interview. He said one of the things he said in the interview was about how he's not big on religion so he turned to therapy. He said that the quote in the paper today was about how he had turned to religion to make sense of it all. Howard said they got that wrong and he's wondering what else they get wrong. He said he never said he turned to religion. He said this is driving him crazy. Howard said that's a major faux pas. Robin said that's like Gary misreading something. He said that leads to news programs reading the articles and thinking that it's right. He said that he's a fan of the Daily News but they really screwed up there.
Howard said he has never been religious. He said he had a lot of religious training as a child but he wasted his time with that instead of playing guitar. He said he was there every day with that bullshit. Howard said it was an incredible waste of time. He said his parents aren't even religious so he's not sure what they were thinking. He said his mother doesn't read Hebrew and they still sent him to learn it.
Fred played some of Howard singing one of his Hebrew songs. Howard said God won't let him in when he hears that. He said he has no idea what it even means. Howard let that play for a short time. He said he now realizes what a waste of time that was. He said life is short and he wasted so much time doing that stuff.
Howard explained to Robin what it was like at his Bar Mitzvah too. He said it was no fun and it wasn't meaningful to him. He said that one of his teachers smelled awful too. He said they came up with this name for him ''Svee.'' He said that he knew one kid named Mark who they called Mendal. That led to that kid being called Mental. Howard said the teacher had thick fingers and he smelled like shit all the time. He said he's not sure what was going on with the guy. He said he might have shit his pants. Howard said he was stuck in this little cube and he would have this guy come up to him saying his name and point into his book and he'd smell shit. He said it had to be more than his breath. It was his whole body that smelled.
Howard explained what was going on with the guy and did an impression of him talking to him about how to sing this song. Howard said he was shell shocked. His entire life has been one big denial. He said he just forges ahead no matter what the adversity. He said it wasn't bad enough he had to go to school and then he had to go to religious training. Howard said he's no even sure how to spell Svee. He said it's like ''Tsvee.'' Howard said he can still imagine the smell of that guy. Fred played Gilbert Gottfried singing a song and Howard said he must have gone through that stuff too.
Howard said Bianca refused to leave the apartment until he came along this morning. Robin said that's so sweet. Robin said Beth is in the paper today. The headline was ''Beth Scares Dog With Her Love'' or something like that.
Howard said they went downstairs in the building and they were in the lobby. He said that Beth smelled Mambo in the lobby and she figured he was in there. Howard said Ronnie never comes in there. He said they went outside and asked Ronnie if he was in there. He actually was in there and the smell of his Mambo was in there. Howard said he gave Beth a kiss goodbye and Ronnie said that she should be kissing him. He thinks that people love that Mambo.
Howard said you have to be careful with that stuff. He said Beth could smell him in the building after he left. Ronnie came in and asked what he was talking about. Ronnie said he doesn't douse himself in the stuff. Howard asked how long he was in there. Ronnie said it was like 30 seconds. Howard said Beth could smell him when the elevator doors opened. Ronnie said that Beth loves his smell. Howard said she doesn't love it. Howard told Ronnie that he has to listen to him. He said if someone can smell you a mile away, it's not a good thing. He said Ronnie interprets it like that and it's not funny. He said he has to be subtle. Robin said he's never heard that word before. She said he has to explain that to Ronnie.
Howard told Ronnie to just spray a little and walk through it. Howard said he didn't smell it but Beth could. Fred said he could smell it and he must have spilled it on himself. Ronnie said he can't spill it, it's a spray bottle.
Howard asked Ronnie if he had religious training as a kid. Ronnie said he did but it was just once a week. Howard thanked him for coming in and kicked him out.
JD said his air conditioning doesn't work in there. He said sometimes he has to close his door and that might be why it smells.
Howard gave him some advice on how to clean up his breath. He showed him how to brush his teeth and gums and things like that. Howard said he has to do this to keep his breath nice. He said he has to use a toothbrush and not a rag like Richard used to do. JD said he uses a toothpick thing. Howard told him to use Mentadent. He said that will work better. Howard also told him to pick up some Stimudent. He said he has to get in there and pick through each tooth.
Will came in and said that it's JD's breath. He said it hits you in the face. He said he has to hold his breath around him. He said he was serious too. He told Howard that Mentadent isn't going to help. He needs something stronger than that. Howard said he was watching behind the scenes of JD and he was lecturing JD about cleaning his room. JD turned around and said that's what life is like around the Howard Stern show. Howard told JD to go back and brush his teeth.
Howard played a clip of a reporter saying that Joan Rivers and Howard Stern were standing behind Gilbert in this firing. One reporter said that no one was laughing. Howard said he was fine with that but then the story morphs and changes subtly. Howard played the clip where this reporter talked about Gilbert apologizing for his Japan jokes. She read some of the jokes and asked if it was offensive. Howard said if they were so offensive then why repeat them? The reporters go on to say that Joan Rivers and Howard are standing up for him. Howard said now it's starting to morph into him standing up for his jokes. Howard said it will eventually be that he made the jokes and he was fired.
Howard played another report where the reporter talked about Gilbert's firing and that Howard and Joan were defending him because he's a comedian and that's what he does. Howard said that's not what he said. He said maybe Joan said that but he didn't. He said that he just wondered why Aflac didn't know who they had hired after all these years of offensive jokes. Howard said it's a complete misuse of his feelings and what he's had to say on the topic.
Robin said that's like how they got what Howard said about Charlie Sheen in the Rolling Stone article all wrong. Howard said he thinks that The View got it right. He said that Whoopi and Elisabeth got it right. He played their clip too. Whoopi brought up the story and said they found that he has a lot of people in his corner. She mentioned Howard Stern and how he had said that they had to know how offensive Gilbert was before this. Elisabeth said that Howard had a good point when he said he never should have been hired if they were afraid of the offensive stuff.
Howard played a clip from Extra where they said that Howard Stern was lashing out at Charlie Sheen. Howard said he never lashed out at him. They talked about what he said in the Rolling Stone article about Charlie and they were spinning it to make it sound like he was bashing the guy.
Howard said that Robin should switch over to this stuff. Robin said she heard from Jeff Shick about that yesterday. Howard said he's going to talk to Robin about this after this weekend. He said he's learning about what she should do. Howard said he knows what to tell her. Howard said he has to talk to her instead of that boat captain.
Howard said he's reading a bunch of Mac magazines and doing the photography thing. He said he's very busy with all of this stuff. He said he spends his weekends with the camera. He said he might Tweet from Jimmy Fallon today but he's not sure how to upload his pictures. Robin said it's not that hard. She said if you use Twitpic it's very easy. Robin said that she has her phone set up so it asks her if she wants to send the picture to her account. Howard said someone has to set that up for him on his iPhone.
Howard said Alyssa Milano Tweeted him last night. He said that she liked his Rolling Stone cover. Howard said someone else said it looked like he was picking his nose on that cover.
JD told Howard that the iPhone will put the picture with the Tweet if he takes the picture. Howard sand Robin had no idea what he was talking about. JD said it designates where the picture will go automatically. Howard asked him what to do. JD told him what to do but Howard had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard said he's going to take a picture of JD and try to upload it. He said he's going to do this at Jimmy Fallon today. He took a picture of JD and JD told him to go into Twitter. He told him where to go and what to do to get that picture uploaded. JD said he didn't have the Twitter app so he had to load that. Howard said he would put it on there and he'll have JD teach him later.
Howard said he'll learn later and upload some shots from Fallon. He said he may jam with the band on the show too. He said he'll play a few songs with the guys. He said he'll be happy when that shit is over though.
Howard said Beth wasn't going to go with him to Fallon so he thought she was saying that she thought he didn't want her there. He said that went on for 10 minutes. He said he doesn't even understand what the conversation was about. He said he wants her there but he's not sure if she thinks that he doesn't want her there or what.
Howard said he saw an article about how they gave some kids an SAT test and the essay question was about reality TV. He said that the kids complained about that and said they don't even watch TV so how are they supposed to write about it. He said the kids had a point. Howard said there are so many idiots in this country and it's going to hell in a hand basket.
Howard said that the nuclear power plant thing in Japan is crazy. They have a bunch of guys going out there to make sure the nuclear reactor doesn't melt down. it's basically a suicide mission. He said they should be sending criminals out there to do it and if they survive, they'll give them their freedom. Howard said they should train apes to go in there instead.
Howard said he called Richie back but he wasn't there. Howard said he talked to her about what was going on. He said that he was set for a tragedy. Howard said he thought it might be a divorce or something. Howard said he rushed to call back. Then he finds out that what's going on in Japan is killing them. She told him that they're gathering kelp to help out in Japan. They have iodide in the kelp so they're trying to locate Geiger counters so they can send them to Japan. He said they wanted him to help find them. Howard said he was ready to bang his head into the desk because he's so busy.
Howard said he told Beth about this and now he's on a search for hand held Geiger counters. Howard said he told his cousin to just go out and take a jog.
Howard said he has to go out to Los Angeles next week and he's going to be near the radiation. Robin said they say that it can be worse than Chernobyl. Howard isn't looking forward to going to California. He said that they say that you get radiation on the airplane too. He said he has his iPad near his balls too. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a great song. He said that's what the kids on American Idol should be doing.
Howard said that Gayle King gave up her radio show. He said that she's going to go do a TV show now. He said that the management there at Sirius should talk to Oprah about this channel she has. Howard said she has nothing now. Howard said he didn't even know that they didn't have her exclusively.
Howard had Jeff the Vomit Guy on the phone. He said he's been calling them constantly talking about how he can't find any girls to vomit on him. He said that the number of people who want to do that is very limited. Jeff said he wants to be a part of the whole scene.
Howard said Jeff has a bunch of pigeons in his apartment and you can hear them making noise. Howard had him hold his phone up to the birds. Jeff said he has 3 parakeets, 3 doves and 8 homing pigeons. Howard said he also has his dad in there. He said it must stink to high heaven in there. Jeff said he begs to differ.
Howard said this rather attractive woman contacted them and said that she feels bad for Jeff. Howard said she looks really cute in the pictures. He said that she wants to vomit on him. Her name is Julianne.
Howard had Julianne on the phone too. He asked her what she does for a living. She said she's a housekeeper. Howard asked Julianne how old she is. She's 21. Howard asked if she's into anything bizarre. She said she makes some videos of her own and she gets pissed on in them. She said that her boyfriend will do that in the shower. Howard asked if it's dirty when it's in the shower. She said some gets in her mouth. She said that they're on a Swinger's web site called AdultFriendFinder.com.
Jeff asked her why pissing is more sociably acceptable than what he does. Robin said that Julianne doesn't know. Howard told him not to question her too much or she might get scared off. Jeff said that he's more passive than a fruit fly.
Julianne told Howard about how she had hooked up with another woman. She also told Howard about how she's willing to throw up and let Jeff watch. Howard asked if he wants her to throw up on him. Jeff said just watching would be fine. Howard got annoyed with the echo on the phone and wondered whose it was. Howard asked Julianne how she's going to make herself throw up. She said there's a drink that will do it. Howard said that's too scary to him. He said he doesn't even care if she throws up. He said he doesn't want her to get sick.
Jeff told Howard he's the magic man and whatever he thinks is right is what he'll do. Robin told him to just go out on the streets and watch people puking out there. Howard said this seems dangerous to him. He said he's going to have to get a doctor's approval before doing it. Jeff said that people throw up all the time. Howard said the St. Patrick's Day might be better for Jeff. Jeff said the one on one encounter is better. He said that he would prefer her to be naked. Howard asked if Julianne would be okay with that. She said she might do it with panties on.
Howard told Jeff he had to think this through. He said that he's not sure if he's going to go through with this.
Julianne's boyfriend got on and said that the pigeons thing is even weirder than the throw up thing. He said he was okay with it until he heard that. Julianne got in a plug for her web site JulianneJay.com. Jeff also got in a plug for HowardShrine.net
Julie and her boyfriend talked about some stuff they've done together and they told a story about putting on a show for a truck driver once.
Howard let Julieann and her boyfriend go and spent another minute talking to Jeff. Howard got sick of talking to him a short time later and let him go. Howard said he's not sure he wants to go there with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it's gay to beat off with a vibrator. Howard asked the guy what he's doing with it. The guy said his wife gave him a hand job and used her vibrator on the base of his shaft. He said it was the best feeling in the world. Howard asked if he's sticking it in his ass. The guy said he's not. Howard said there is nothing gay about it if you're using it on the base of your shaft. He said he's not in a gay area. Howard told him if he's not thinking about a guy then he's fine. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about Leon Russell and how he was down and out for a while. He said he hasn't heard his new music but Gary heard it and said it was good. He said if he runs into Leon at Fallon's show he'll tell him he heard it. Howard said he's not sure he'll even see the guy there. He said he thinks that they may run into each other in the halls there though. He figured that Penn and Teller will get a hold of him there and talk to him.
Howard asked Fred if he had the Elton John and Leon Russell song. Fred said he did have the song that someone had requested he get. Howard said he didn't request it. Fred said it must have been Gary then. Fred played the song ''Hey Ahab.'' Howard said it wasn't bad but it was Elton singing on it. Gary said Leon comes in on it. Howard didn't think he did even when Robin and Gary said he was singing.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve had his news jacket on this morning. Steve said that someone ordered them to do it. He said that Brad Driver ordered them to do it. Howard asked what's going on there. Steve said that they're apparently wearing the jacket now. Howard said he didn't order that. He said he did order them the news jackets and he picked out the ugliest color he could find.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he and Howard had a conversation about that weeks ago. Howard said he never said that. Tim said that he did have that conversation about a week or two ago. Howard said he doesn't remember doing that. Howard said he'd like to know why he would suggest that. Tim said Howard told him that they should come in to do their news previews with the jacket on. Howard said he was probably talking about some of the viral stuff they're doing on the internet. He said he doesn't want them to wear them in there.
Howard said Tim has like 7 cell phones. He always tells you to text him on something else. Howard said Tim ran out to get the iPad 2 the day he got it. He said if he and Robin had tin cups with strings then Tim would get that.
Howard said they have this thing on the iPad where you can call people. He said he tried calling Fred on his phone and he didn't answer. He said that he tried calling on the chat device but no answer. Ralph wasn't there either. Howard said Tim gets on and he has nothing going on either.
Howard said maybe he'll try out the jacket thing. He said it happened by accident but he likes it. Steve said the edict just came down moments ago. Howard said he has no idea what he said but he's pretty sure he didn't tell them to wear their jackets in there.
Steve said they have more on the former intern who was arrested for an alleged murder. Steve said that he may have been abusing some kind of bath salts. Howard told Steve to tighten up his tie because he was a little off. Howard said he's going to get them pants to match the jacket. Fred said they should get them bow ties too. Howard said Fred should be in charge of dressing the news department. Howard said he's kind of liking that he can dress his news department.
Howard asked Tim why it took 2 weeks to get Steve in his jacket. Tim just said ''I don't know.'' Howard wondered how he interpreted this.
Steve got back to his story about this William Perrisio guy and Howard said he heard that he used to log the show and he'd put in lyrics to songs in the logs. Howard asked Jason what happened there. Jason said that he'd just put song lyrics in there and he'd tell them that he was just trying to spice up the logs. Jason said he kind of liked that kid too. He came to work for like 2 weeks and then he just never showed up. Jason said they saw this coming. Maybe not that bad but there were some people who didn't want him up there.
Steve said he's been charged with murder. His girlfriend was found dead in his parent's basement. Howard said that Tracey knew that girl too because she worked there at Sirius. He said Tracey said she was a lovely girl too. Howard said that made him sad hearing that story.
Steve said they have a story about George Takei taking to CNN to weigh in on the crisis in Japan. Steve said they introduced him as being from Star Trek and from the Howard Stern show.
Steve said that John the Stutterer is depressed and talking about suicide. He said he's lonely and depressed and just waiting to die. That's what he told Shuli.
Howard said he got a voice message from John. He played that and John was asking why Howard wants him to do a show for free. Howard said he doesn't know who pays him or what he does the show for. Howard said everyone thinks he knows what's going on around there but he doesn't. Howard said he thought he liked being on the air. He said he's always hanging out on the show for free so he assumed he would like doing his own show. He said if he doesn't want to do it then it's fine.
In the voice mail John is talking about how he's treated like shit but they don't treat chuck Zito like shit. Howard said he thought he was doing something nice for John and letting him express his views. Howard said some of these people should be paying him to do shows. He said no one is looking for John to do a show. Howard said he doesn't work for free because he has an audience. He said he's doing John a favor by giving him that show. Howard said that everyone is disgruntled around there. Howard told the guys to tell John that he has to pay if he wants to be on the air from now on. Howard said he should do that with all of these shows.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy using John the Stutterer audio clips. They had John yelling at the guy whose name was Ralph.
After that Howard said he heard that they do pay John. They pay him to do the show and they pay for his transportation. He said he's been nothing but nice to that guy.
Steve said that Graveyard Greg is also talking about how he wants to die. He was a former Wack Pack contest entrant. Howard said he gave John a job to give him an outlet so he could meet some people and make a couple of dollars. He said he didn't even know they were paying him. Howard said no one ever appreciates what he does for them. Howard said he figured the one guy who would be loyal to him was John the Stutterer.
Steve said that Donald Trump has said that he can bring Howard Stern and Rush Limbaugh fans together. Trump said that Howard Stern and Rush both have great hearts. Howard said he knows he does but he's not sure about Rush. Howard let Steve go and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about Steven Tyler on American Idol. Howard said he really misses Simon Cowell. He said Jennifer Lopez is great to look at but she's a bore. He said that she's so annoying. Howard said it happened to him in college where he dated a good looking chick who was boring. He said he had to break up with her.
Howard said Jennifer Lopez looked beautiful last night but by the end of the show she was revolting. Howard said Randy isn't strong enough to be the end guy. He said that there were 5 or 6 of these kids who were sounding old and no one would buy a record from them.
Howard said he had a guy on the phone named Doug Collins. He said he claims has the most contagious laugh. Howard picked up on the guy and he was laughing. Doug said that he's 65 and he drives a school bus. Howard asked where they tested out his laugh. He said they've tested it out everywhere. Howard said that he saw this guy on TV and they had him in the audience laughing and he was making everyone else laugh.
Doug sells a ring tone with his laugh and he's made some money selling that. He was laughing on the phone and Howard figured it was fake. Doug said it's really not. He said the app is $3.99. Howard said he's not laughing.
Howard tried talking to Doug but he was just laughing and making people laugh in his house. Howard said you can get his ring tone at TheLaughMan.com
Howard said that Doug was scheduled to be on the show a few years ago and his daughter in law didn't want him going on so he canceled. Howard let Doug go a short time later.
Bobo said that the Fist Pump song was great. He loved seeing Jason and Lisa G dancing. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have video of him over at Jon Stewart's show. He said he's bitching the entire time he's back stage. He said that he doesn't know why anyone would want to be around him. He said his agent was in the car and trying to pump him up. He said he's really miserable doing these appearances. He said that he likes Jimmy Fallon but he's not sure who is watching that stuff. He said he sees the ratings for the late night shows and he's not sure if it's worth it. Howard said Jimmy is up against Craig Ferguson and they're fighting over a 1 rating. Howard said Jimmy wanted to do a bit with him but no one is going to see it. Howard said Jimmy wanted to put it on the web and get it viral. Howard said that he's not sure how many Sirius apps it's going to sell.
Howard said he's not sure if anyone else is promoting Sirius. He said it seems like he's the one guy doing it. Howard said they never say anything on the NFL or anyone else saying anything. He said he seems to be the one guy that cares.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that a bunch of fans are going to be there at Jimmy Fallon and they'll be cheering him on. She was also saying that it's hard to find the Rolling Stone magazine. Howard said he learned that the people who subscribe are getting it this week and it hits the newsstands today or tomorrow. Mariann said that the newsstand guy is getting his tomorrow.
Mariann told Howard how gorgeous he is on the cover. She said that everyone wants that cover. Howard said it's a double cover too. Howard said the article came out great and he likes the whole thing. He said it may not be on the newsstands yet. He said some got it but some aren't getting it until Friday. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when she started to sing ''All I need is Howard is my life...''
Howard said he's thinking about doing a coffee table book about freaks from his show. He said that there was a photographer who got famous when she started taking pictures of freaks. her name was Diane Arbis. Howard said he wants to do the same thing. He said he just came up with that idea too.
Howard played some of The Situation's stuff from the roast. The Situation's timing was bad and he didn't have a good delivery. Some of the jokes were kind of funny but his delivery ruined them.
Howard told the guys to get him the jokes they cut out of his segment. Howard asked JD if he should keep going with this. JD said it gets even worse. The Situation tried busting balls but his jokes just weren't working. Howard said it was terrible. He said it's good that he's terrible. If he came out and killed then it would be depressing. Howard said this was painful to listen to. He kept it going though. The people in the audience were booing him. Howard said this was brutal. JD said that's why he liked it. Howard said he's glad he was bad.
Howard read an article about the jokes that they cut out of The Situation's act. He read some of those jokes and they were really offensive and just bad jokes. Howard played more of The Situation's awful performance.
Howard moved on to play some of Lisa Lampanelli's act from the Trump roast. She had some funny stuff. Lisa joked about Larry King and Howard said she had some good stuff in there. Howard said she was a winner. Howard let her clip play through and Lisa roasted Snoop Dogg and Howard liked that too. She also joked about Whitney Cummings looking like Marilyn Manson. Howard said Lisa is the best. He said that he thought the show was good based on that. He said that Whitney and Jeff Ross always kill so they must have been good.
Howard played some of Larry King's act and he had a couple of funny lines. Howard and Robin were laughing. Howard said Larry was laughing at his own jokes. He said he's a stand-up comic. Larry joked about Lisa and cracked himself up again. He was laughing at every joke he told. Howard said he likes that Larry laughs at every single joke he tells. He considers himself a comedian now but he laughs at his own jokes. Howard said Larry is creepy. He said it was kind of long winded and uncomfortable.
Howard played some of Whitney Cummings roast and she roasted Larry King, The Situation, Snoop, Lisa, and Donald Trump.
Howard had Jeffrey Ross' roast too. Jeff had some great lines too. He had some jokes about Gary Coleman, Whitney Cummings, Lisa Lampanelli, The Situation and Donald Trump. Howard said Jeff is good. He said the whole roast thing is burning out because there are only like 6 people who can do it. He said it's Lisa, Jeff, Gilbert and Whitney. He said they goof on each other for a half hour and then say a couple of lines about Trump.
Howard said that the Yankees have announced they're going to have a one handed kid throwing out the first pitch this year. The emailers were wondering if that kid is going to throw a better pitch than Gary. Howard said that everyone seems to think that the kid will do it better.
Howard asked what happened to the computer voice that sits in the Artie chair. Fred said he uses it when it's appropriate. Howard said he saw some of the behind the scenes stuff and they had some of that in there. Howard said that it hasn't been on for like 2 weeks now. He said maybe she should just interrupt once in a while. Fred used it and had her asking if they missed her. He also had her telling Robin not to be a cunt.
Howard said that Gilbert wrote to him about his firing and thanked him for his support. Howard said that he appreciates that.
Howard read a note about how the Rolling Stone magazines are due out today or tomorrow. He said he sent a guy out to get some copies and they weren't available yet.
Howard said that people in the audience are intrigued with Gary getting appointed to that parks and recreation committee. He said that some of the fans have been sending in some photoshopped stuff that features Gary. They had a stripper pole park and things like that.
Howard said he was a big trend on Yahoo yesterday. He guessed it's because he's in Rolling Stone.
Howard said that they have some guests like Chris Rock, Norm MacDonald, Howie Mandel, Queen of Burps and some other stuff coming up soon. They also have Queen for a Day and Speech Impediment Idol coming soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Lisa G has some incriminating photos of him or something. He said it seems like no one likes her. Howard said that Lisa is good at her job and he's not sure what he's implying.
Howard said he tweeted a photo of himself receiving the Bravery in Radio Award. He said he didn't send Robin's picture out though. That's up to her to do. Howard said he was able to do that on his iPad. It was very complicated for him to do that.
Speech Impediment Man called in. Robin said that she heard he's entered the Speech Impediment contest they have going on. Howard said he's glad he did. He said he should. Speech said that's his name and he should be in it. Howard hung up on him.
Big Black called in and asked what's going on with his radio show. He said he hasn't heard form Tim Sabean. He said that he was wondering if it was one show or a series. Howard said he should do one good show and they'll talk about making it a series. Howard said that Big Black will be the host and King of All Blacks will be his co-host. Big Black said he wants to call the show ''Blackie Black.'' Howard said it sounds boring already. Howard told him to hang tight and they'd get him set up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if JD is going to do the personality test. Howard said he doesn't know because they have so many things going on there. The caller said he went on JD's Twitter account and he follows 22 women. He asked Howard if he knows how many are porn stars or Playboy. Howard said it's probably 22 and hung up on him.
Fred's computer voice finally came to life and said that it was actually ''The Killer Cock from Outer space.'' Howard and Fred played with that for a minute but Howard seemed to be getting bored with that.
Howard played Wolfie's interview with the Killer Clown from Outer Space. He was asked where he works. He works in a deli. Howard said he could listen to this guy all day long. He replayed him describing who he was.
Howard played another clip where Wolfie was talking to a guy who had just gotten an autograph from someone he didn't know. That guy lives at home with his mom at the age of 25. He said he knows that's sad. Howard said it'll be even more sad when he's 40.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made doing the ''guy in a mask'' voice. They were calling a guy about buying something from him. Sal was doing his Gamorrean guard impression from another one of these geek fests that Wolfie had gone to. Richard was pretending to be Darth Nihilus. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Beth went out to the North Shore Animal League and he can't take it anymore. He said that she tells him what goes on there and it's too tough to hear. He said she told him a story about a dog that's 14 years old and the cutest dog she's ever seen. Howard said it was a family pet for 14 years. They put the dog in a cage and they're expected to piss and shit in there. The dog is so well trained that it won't piss or shit in the cage. One of the volunteers tries to get there early to let the dog go out. Howard asked how the dog gets there. It turns out the owner moved. That's it. Howard said that it's like leaving a member of the family behind. Howard said he can't stand people. He said he doesn't know how they negotiate that and say it's okay to do that. He said he's a disaster and he could never do that to his dog.
Howard said his dog is so a part of his life and he can't imagine leaving it behind. He said he'd be heartbroken. He said Gary is a good dog owner. Robin said there are people who take in dogs like that. She said this one woman will take in older dogs and she will only take them in if she has room. Howard said when Beth tells him this stuff it kills him.
Howard said Beth made a speech at North Shore and they had this 14 or 15 year old cat that the family just gave up on after 15 years. Howard said that they were probably full of it when they said the baby was allergic. Howard said the cat is fantastic and Beth tried to find a home for it. The woman wanted the cat. Beth drove the cat to the woman's house and the cat is now living with the other 3 cats and the other cats love it. He said for every happy story he hears 3 horror stories. He said he's too emotional to handle this stuff. He said that he's not emotional usually but the animal stories get to him.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon did the usual rundown of what they would be covering on today's show. That led to Howard talking about his Rolling Stone article. Fred and Robin felt that it was a sad article because Howard can't seem to enjoy things. Howard said he was trying to say that he's in a good place now. Robin said that's not the way it came off. Fred said he had the same feeling Robin did and maybe it was just the way it was edited.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they're going to talk about Howard going to Jimmy Fallon and they'll be talking to one of the people who is going to see him there. Mutt wondered why he didn't have Gilbert in this week. Howard said he's due in sometime in April. Gary said they decided that he might be more forthcoming in a month.
Robin started her news talking about Michael Douglas' wife and how she's going after him for more money because she lost money in the Bernie Madoff scandal.
Robin read that Katie Couric may be leaving the evening news to do a daytime show. Robin said that Rikki Lake might be coming back too. Howard said that Rikki saw him there the other day and she had to tell him who she was. He said he didn't recognize her since he's used to seeing her fat.
Robin said a woman is suing a McDonald's after she hurt herself on the toilet in the restaurant. She said the toilet broke and she fell to the ground and hurt her arm and shoulder.
Howard said he mentioned the Canadians in the news yesterday as being neutral in any war. He said he got some feedback about that and someone pointed out that they're fighting along with them in Afghanistan so they have soldiers coming back in body bags too. He got an email from an Australian too over the same thing. Howard said he probably should have said Switzerland instead. He said he was just doing that tongue in cheek. He said that some people just don't get that though. Howard said someone else pointed out that Marconi didn't invent radio, Tesla did. Howard said he's just spewing out stuff and not doing research. He said if anyone is relying on him to give them information they're in trouble.
Howard did a Fred moment since he was brought up in the email. Howard played the ''Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred'' theme song. Howard asked Fred what he had to say. Fred said he has a great app on his iPhone. He said it's called Sketchbook Pro. He said you can draw with it on your iPad. He said you can use your finger or a stylus. He said he bought it for his daughter and she loves it. He said he enjoys it too. Howard cut him off and thanked him for that. Fred's computer voice told him that he was talking too much.
Howard said he got an email about Ronnie's accent and what the name of that is. Howard said it's a New York accent. Howard said it's a bit of Queens, NY.
Robin got back to her news but my satellite went out for a few seconds so I missed some of the story.
Robin read a story about the Chilean miner who had a wife and a girlfriend. Robin said that there's a janitor who died who also had more than one wife. One wanted him cremated and the other wanted him buried. Robin said that he had two lives going while he was alive. Robin said it dame to light after he died. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about what's going on at the nuclear power plants in Japan and how they're trying to keep them from melting down. Robin said that the workers are basically on a suicide mission to keep it from getting worse. Robin and Howard said it's kind of like Spoke in that one Star Trek movie where he died. Robin said that you have to wonder how these 50 people ended up there and how they're going to end up staying and keeping it from blowing up into a mushroom cloud.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone sounded like he was in a submarine. The guy said he thinks it's awesome what Howard's wife does for those animals. He also asked if he would give his old iPad to a fan. Howard said he uses that one for masturbation. Howard said he uses it all the time. He said everyone is looking for his old stuff. He's not giving it away. He said he's still very into it.
Robin read about some musicians who are going to be making an album to raise money for the disaster in Japan. Howard said Gilbert should get involved. Fred threw in a Gilbert laugh. Robin had some audio of a guy from a group talking about that.
Robin read about Jon Bon Jovi coming out and accusing Steve Jobs of killing the music industry. Howard said he's a little bit off on that. He said that the thing that's killed it is that people can burn CDs and save music without paying anything. Howard said he sympathizes with him though.
Robin said that there's a run on potassium iodide in this country because of the nuclear fall out scare. Robin said that people here are worried about it floating over from Japan. Howard said that's why his cousin is looking for hand held Geiger counters and gathering kelp. Howard said he almost fell off his chair hearing about this. Robin said that a doctor has said that there is little chance that it will make it here from Japan. He also said that people should check with their doctor before taking the potassium iodide.
Robin read about the radiation leaking out of the plant and how the people in Seattle are worried. Howard said he's going to California for 4 days soon. He said he's not sure why he's going. Robin said they're saying it's really not that big of a deal. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how there is very little risk in the United States. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the nuclear power plant they have there in New York called the Indian Point Nuclear power plant. The governor has ordered an inspection of the plant to be sure it's in good working order. Robin had some audio of Governor Cuomo talking about that plant. Howard said that dude really sounds like his dad. He said it's freaky.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that her son just got her a copy of Rolling Stone. She had a few other things that she tried to get out but Howard cut her off and took a call from Ralph.
Ralph said that Bon Jovi is an idiot talking about Steve Jobs ruining the music industry. He said that it's the CDs that ruined it. Howard said Jon doesn't understand. Ralph got in a plug for his Geektime show that's new this week. Saturday at 2pm on Howard 101.
Robin read about the St. Patrick's Day Parade that's going on today. She had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said he has to get over to that Jimmy Fallon show and he has to deal with the parade. He said they have a 4:15 call time over there. He said it's a talk show but they do it like a movie. Howard said that they told him he doesn't have to hang around for the end of the show either. Howard said he wouldn't sit there anyway. Howard said some nudniks must hang around there. He said they must have no life. Howard said he has to get his hair done so he has to get there around 4. He also has to do his make up. He has to get that caked on. He told them to give him the David Letterman make up that's so dark it makes him look like a black man. Howard said he has to figure out what time to go so Ronnie said that it might be best to leave around 3:15. He waned to leave at 3:30. Howard said he'd rather be late than early. He said his whole day is tied up with this. He said he just wants to chill. Robin said she tries to think about how fun it'll be to get over that. Howard said nothing fun is going on in his life. Robin knows that from reading his Rolling Stone article.
Howard said he got a note about the parade route being cut short so he should be okay. He said he's leaving at 3:30 and not rushing. If he doesn't make it over there then what's the worst that can happen? He won't be upset if he doesn't get on the show. Ronnie came in and said he doesn't care what time they leave. He said it's up to Howard. Howard said they're leaving at 3:30, fuck it.
Howard said Ronnie likes to pretend that he carries a gun. He said he stands in a way that makes it look like he's carrying. Ronnie asked him what he's talking about. Howard told him to get out of there and kicked him out of the studio.
Robin read a story about Sean William Scott who was a kid who played Stiffler American Pie. He's announced that he's going into rehab. Howard said that he's not surprised because everyone was fucking his mother in that movie.
Robin read about Reese Witherspoon getting married soon. She read a couple of details about that.
Robin read a story about a 93 year old man has put a stop to the making of ''Gypsy'' with Barbra Streissand in it. He owns the rights to the book and he won't allow the movie to be made. Robin had some audio of Streissand singing and Howard said he just doesn't get it. He said that women and gay guys like that shit but he doesn't get it.
Jeff the Drunk called in and wished him good luck this evening. Howard wished him a good weekend. Jeff said that he's Tweeting now. He's on Twitter under @JeffTheDrunk1.
Jeff asked for some stuff from Howard through Gary. Gary said that they'll do that but not today. He needs an autographed picture. Howard said he's fine with that since Jeff was being very civil today.
Robin read about Katy Perry and her number one song. Her mother wants to write a book about her now. Howard said he feels bad for Katy over that. He said that's just not right. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Matthew McConaughey talking about working with Ryan Phillippe in their new movie. Ralph called in again and told Howard not to rush to Fallon because they won't be shooting his segment right away. He also said that if worse comes to worse then he can take the subway.
Ralph told Howard he was on the subway and some guy was passed out drunk on the subway. He said they had to wait for the cops to show up to drag him off. Howard said Ralph takes pictures of chick's feet on the subway. Howard said Joey Boots sent him a video of some woman fighting with a guy on the subway and they had to stop the train while that was going on. Joey recorded the whole thing. Gary said the video is wild. He said the train is packed and people are shoulder to shoulder. Howard played the audio and this woman was yelling at someone about showing her something and telling them to get away from her. She said she would back hand the person. Then a guy started yelling at her telling her to shut up. Then the fight broke out. The woman hit the guy and the guy hit her back. She was ready to hit him again and called him back. Howard said JD was cowering under his desk hearing that.
Robin read about the new movie ''Limitless'' and had some audio of Robert De Niro talking about that. Howard said he loved the movie. He said he's sure De Niro was just there for the money. He's phoning it in these days. They ended the show around 10:20am.
Gary said that he walked in on Robin once when she was changing and she didn't know what to cover so she was moving between her boobs, butt and the other part. Gary said that it was in front of a mirror so he was able to see pretty much everything. Gary said she forgot to lock her door and he probably should have knocked.
Jon asked if the news team was there to cover Benjy and Robin. Benjy said they were. That led into the news team jacket discussion and how that all came down. Gary said he thinks that Tim may have taken that out of context. It turns out they only have one jacket to share. Jim McClure said that they all have their own jackets. Gary asked why they stopped wearing them. Jim said maybe it's the color.
Jon said that they were speculating that Lisa will not wear that jacket. They spent a minute talking about that and how Tim seemed to be running with an idea that Howard didn't have. Tim walked in and told Steve to remove the jacket too. Gary said Tim wants to be a part of everything going on there. they spent a minute on that but they had to take a commercial break.
Jon said that he felt like a bit of a hypocrite sending his kids to it when he doesn't really do it himself. Benjy said he enjoyed it when he was doing it. Jon asked JD if he went to catholic school at all. JD said they didn't go that often but some of his family is very religious. He said he's not sure what religion they are but they're Christian.
JD said he went to Christian Bible School when he was a kid. He said you learn stuff about the bible and stuff there.
Jon said that Howard gets pissed off when he talks about that stuff. Gary said when you're a kid your time is valuable and you don't want to give it up for that kind of stuff. Gary said they guilt you into it all too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was dragged to church and his parents didn't even go after his confirmation. He said it was a waste of time. He said he has a 13 month old now and he hasn't been baptized and his family is pissed about it. He said he just doesn't want to put his kid through the same thing he went through.
The caller said that one thing he's asked about is what's up with Artie Lange. Gary told the guy that he should read the Rolling Stone magazine article because he talks about it in there. He said that it seems like it might be difficult to get Artie on the show based on what Howard says in that article.
Gary said they used to have a guest who came in and he would hug them all when he came in and Howard would get a headache from it. His cologne was a factor for having him on the show eventually. Benjy said it can be overwhelming. He said that a lot of strippers and older women have a strong scent.
Jon asked Gary if he has ever smelled anything in JD's office. Gary said he never does unless it's food at lunch time. Ronnie said that JD has food in there all the time so it could be the food. JD said he has no idea what it is.
Jon said that JD was saying that Will's breath wasn't so good. JD said he's going to take the high road and not say anymore on that. He said he'd prefer that the subject not even come up. Benjy said that Jon Hein has sweet breath. Gary's breath has gotten better because he stopped eating garlic and smoking.
Jon was asked if anyone there has bad breath. Jon said that he doesn't think so. Ronnie got all worked up about that and said that Jon is trying to lead them into something. Jon said that Jason can smell from time to time and so can JD. He said other than that there isn't anything. Gary said you shouldn't smell anything. Gary said that Shuli has smoker's breath. He said he can tell if he just came up from smoking. Ronnie said he thinks that's his clothes, not his breath.
Richard doesn't even smell anymore. Gary said that he has really changed. Gary said that Richard has stopped with a lot of stuff and he's a clean guy now. Gary said he even threw out a lot of porn DVDs in their office. Gary said they threw them away saying that no one even watches DVDs anymore. Jon asked JD if he thinks that Richard has changed. JD said he thinks he has. Benjy said he loves Richard but he's never really connected with him. He said that he didn't really come across as a sexual person even though he collected porn. He would only jerk off once a week. Gary said he was so into it that he would save up for a week so it would be an amazing experience from doing it less.
Benjy asked the guys if they can wait a week. JD said he can't. Gary said sometimes it's 3 days, sometimes it's a week for him. He doesn't have a time table for that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Richard throwing out his porn. He said he cracks him up all the time. They talked about his fish and how he named it ''Rusty.'' Gary said that Richard claims that he trained it to take food out of his hand. They had to take another break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to ask Ronnie a question. He said that he's so socially unaware. He said that he must know that it's not okay to leave your odor after you leave someplace. He told him to get him back in there to talk about that. Gary said that Ronnie doesn't think that he's lingering. The caller said he has to understand that. The guy said he's like a dog and he might as well piss on tires and doors like one. Jon said he's sorry that Ronnie left because he can tell the caller wanted to talk to him. JD told him to yell at him on Twitter instead.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Sal and Richard throwing out their porn collection. That led to the guys talking about how everyone was going through it trying to find stuff to take home. JD said he took some home so Benjy asked if he was doing that to stock up for some kind if 9/11 emergency or something. JD was saying that he may not have high speed internet some day so he would have that collection to watch.
Jon brought up Jeff the Vomit Guy's call to the show and how they found a girl who would be willing to puke for him. They spent a minute talking about that and about the Doug Collins guy who called in with the infectious laugh. Gary said it made him laugh but he thinks that people are laughing at him, not with him. They had to end the show after that.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:00am.