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Howard and the guys returned from their week long vacation this morning. Howard started the show asking if anyone missed him. Robin said someone asked her if they were back on Monday when she was out running. Howard said they're back and they're going to be on four days a week for the next couple of weeks. He said it's going to be torture.
Howard said he had a nice dinner with his parents, sister and brother in law and the kids. He said they had a nice crowd. Howard said he didn't end up cooking anything. They just had a meal out at the restaurant for their Thanksgiving.
Howard said he went to bed after 10 last night and Beth wasn't around. He said that alarm went off at 4 and he hates that. Howard said he was going to go to bed and thought about masturbating just to get to sleep. He said it's like a sleeping pill for him. Howard said he got into bed and watched Boardwalk Empire and didn't masturbate. He said he thought he was evolved but then it was 10 and he thought he had to get to sleep quickly so he went on his iPad and watched some Babysitter porn. He said he watched one where the babysitter banged the grandfather. Howard said the guy looked way older than he does. He said he had to be older than 51.
Howard said he had already seen this one. He said he likes the babysitter in that one. He said she's a real whore. Howard said the girl is talking to a friend on the phone about how much she enjoys giving blow jobs. He said she's on the phone and wearing short shorts with camel toe showing. He said she's playing with herself on the couch and complaining about how she can't blow anyone. Howard said while she's on the couch talking the grandfather comes in and says he's going to check on the child. The babysitter talks about how old the guy is and then she ends up blowing the old guy. Howard said the girl finally gets down to business and the guy is fully shaved and has a big cock. The guy tells her that he's not even fully hard yet. Howard said he was done after she went down on the guy. Howard said she didn't even take off any clothes.
Howard said after he did that he got on the internet and went to Apple computers so no one would see he had just been on YouPorn. He said someone could check his history but he doesn't think that will happen.
Howard said he didn't even have to get up to piss during the night. Howard said he went to sleep after that. Howard said he's into Boardwalk Empire and also into Dexter lately. Robin said the show is great. She said that they're the most incredible writers in the world. Howard told her not to spoil anything for him. Robin said she can't hold off on watching the show like Howard can.
Howard said he watched The Walking Dead and he's all caught up on that. Robin said there was one on last night. Howard said he didn't see that one. Robin said they're doing a mid-season finale and she's not sure what that means. Howard said they must not have done enough of them.
Howard said he asked the phone how to get to Nobu. He said it had no idea what he was even talking about. Howard said he even gave it the address and it still didn't know. Howard asked the thing what his day looked like today. Howard tried and the phone said it couldn't help him right now. Robin said it might be because they're inside there. Howard said they do have phone service there. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said this is the reality of Siri. He said it really doesn't work the way they show it works. He said he's asking it the most basic of questions. Howard tried again and asked Siri what his day looks like today. The thing didn't answer him. Siri told him that it couldn't take any requests right now. Fred threw in some Mel Gibson clips where he's saying things like ''You're a pain in my ass!''
Howard said he will ask it the most basic question. He asked how to get to Nobu and it cut him off. He tried again. He said he should throw this thing out the window. Fred played more of the Mel Gibson clips. He had Mel calling Siri a ''dishonest cunt.'' Howard said he was yelling at the phone last night on his couch. He said it's really frustrating. Howard said maybe his phone isn't getting a connection but it shows he has 3G and a bunch of bars.
Gary said Jason is having the same problem in the office. Howard said maybe the system is down. He said that commercial is total horse shit. He said it wasn't working last night either. Howard said he asked it how to get to Nobu and it said it didn't even know Nobu and then it said it was in Brooklyn.
Gary said that Benjy looks like he dyed his beard. Benjy said he did. Howard said now it looks like he died it. Benjy said he did it last night and he put too much in. Howard asked what he used on it. Benjy said he used like 5 boxes of ''Just For Men.'' Benjy said it will fade out. Howard said he's doing everything to win that girl over.
Howard said they got a lot of mail about Benjy and what he's doing. Howard said people were telling him to get rid of her. She's not even attracted to him and she basically tells him that by telling him not to take his hat off and to grow facial hair. Howard read some of the mail they got about that and
Gary said the Howard TV guys pointed out that he's wearing jewelry now too. Fred said it looks very Chick-like to him. Benjy said it's a panther head or something. Howard said he's losing weight so he's looking good. Howard asked how much he lost. Benjy said it's about 70 since his highest. Benjy said this is probably the lowest he's seen him. Howard said he looks much better. He said he was so disgusting but now he's just gross.
Howard asked Siri another question and Fred played a fake response where she says that her pussy is itchy. He asked it a few more questions and it told him to get out of her face with that giant nose. Howard asked her if she's a fan of Robin's. She searched for a black woman with huge black boobs who puts vegetables in her pussy.
Gary had an article about Siri being down. Howard read the article and they say that the system is down. Howard said even if it was working he still wouldn't use it. Howard said he wants to ask it to do things like send a text to Beth but he wants it to be continuous. He said he has to tell it to send Beth a text each time and it's not that easy. He said that he has to type it out on there and even that is near impossible. He said he doesn't want to get a keyboard for it because the phone look so cool. Howard said he watches most of his TV on his iPad now.
Robin asked what Apple TV is. Gary told them that it's awesome. He said that you hook it up to your TV and you can watch anything from iTunes right on your TV. Gary said you can look at your pictures and videos on there too. Howard said it sounds pretty cool but he's not getting it. Gary said he has movies on a hard drive at home too and he can watch those through the Apple TV.
Gary said that it's the easiest thing to do. Howard said with the guy he hired everything is impossible to do. Robin said that she has a lot of issues too. Howard said he's not going to get started with Apple TV.
Howard said that would drive him nuts if that was his son. He said that's loserville. Benjy said he knows that. Benjy said he graduated at 25. Howard asked what age he graduated. Benjy said he was 17. Howard did the math and figured out that it was 8 years. He showed everyone how he figured out that number since he's so bad at math.
Howard said going to college like that really is loserville. He said you can't do things like that. He said some kids pick a major that's really a hobby. He said you should study something that can get you a job. Howard said studying rap music is a hobby, not a job. Howard said he watches that show The X-Factor and sees that kid rapping and he has a major attitude. Howard said he's not even that great. Howard said he doesn't really get rap. He said he must be an old dude now. Howard said he fast forwards through that stuff as soon as he sees it on TV.
Howard said he does like Eminem and the rap by Ed Torian. He played some of Ed's rap. Howard asked what happened to DMX. Robin said he got out of jail and he's apparently sober now.
Howard said Natalie Maines didn't like the Fast Food show. Gary said that they had Howie Mandel, David Arquette, Krista Miller, Paul Feig, Mark Tinker, Tony Hawk and Mike Judge on the Superfan show. Howard said he was embarrassed hearing all of these people discussing him. He said that it was a little much for him.
Gary said he didn't realize that Howie Mandel is as big of a fan as he is. He said that he's a daily listener and he knows the show. He said that he could host the show.
Howard said the show was 2 hours and it was last week and he called in. Howard said he thanked everyone for coming in and it was an honor to have them talking about him. He said most of the people were asking him about being on America's Got Talent and it seems like they want him to do it. Howard said they were talking about how it might hurt his brand but his brand couldn't be any more diminished.
Howard said the guys went out and asked people on the street who was worse, Howard Stern or Jerry Sandusky. Howard said you'd think that Sandusky would be the worst. Howard played some of the audio and a couple of people were saying Howard Stern was the worst.
Howard got back to the Benjy college discussion and talked about how wrong it is for kids to do that. Howard said that's like Sussy leaving the show and riding his bicycle around the world. Robin said that Steve Jobs did something like that when he was younger too. Howard said Steve was out looking for cheap labor.
Gary said 60 Minutes did a segment where they talked about college kids being so pampered that they will quit a job if they get yelled at. He said that they'll also have their parents call in sick for them. Howard said kids are coddled to death. He said that it ends up crippling the kid. Gary said you can't yell at anyone at a job anymore. He said that they'll just quit. Gary said that you have to tell them that they're doing great but they could make some improvements.
Howard said the judges on these TV shows are like that too. They're afraid to tell people they suck. Howard said if he was a judge he'd tell these kids they're horrible and don't have any talent. Howard said he would tell them that he was horrible too but he went out and perfected what he does.
Gary asked Howard if a horrible singer can get better. Howard said some people can. He said that some people need to have technique taught to them.
Howard said he would give these people advice if he was on a show like that. Howard said people think they're funny or talented but they're not. He said it's not good to have a high opinion of yourself. Howard said he'd be a great judge. Gary said he's been judging him for years.
Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about The X-Factor. Then Howard played more news reports about the America's Got Talent rumor. Howard said he went out to see Twilight with his wife and mother-in-law. He said that they were asking him questions about that movie and about the AGT thing. Howard said they asked him about which team he's on. He said he looked at them like ''IS that really what you want to ask me?'' He said that movie is the worst movie he's ever seen. Robin loved it. Howard said he has never seen a movie where they had no story at all. Howard said it was like a porno without any sex. Robin said they even went to the waves crashing. Howard said it was terribly cliché and horribly directed. He said he'll end up going to see the next one anyway. He said the whole thing is a weird phenomenon. He said everyone should just not go to the next one so it doesn't do well.
Robin said she heard that Ann Rice said something nasty about the movie and she was deluged with anger from Twilight people. Howard said she's a great author and her movie ''Interview with a Vampire'' was great. He said the Twilight movie is too lazy. He said they wouldn't even make the mouths move with the wolves so they just heard each other's thoughts. Robin said some of them were so lazy they didn't transform. Howard said it was really bad.
Robin said they weren't even fighting in the movie. She said that they had no antagonists in the film or anything. Howard sand Robin talked about the things they did wrong with that movie. Howard said it's unbelievable how much money the movie is making.
Howard said that he had more news reports about the AGT rumors. Howard played another one where they said he was asking for $20 million to do the show. Howard said ''why not?'' Howard asked how they would even know how much he's asking. He said he doesn't understand how they come up with that information. Robin said someone must leak it and call shows like that. In that report they said that Simon Cowell has confirmed that they are in talks with Howard but there are a lot of logistical things going on. Robin asked if he's spoken to Simon. Howard said no.
Howard played another clip of a reporter talking about the rumor. Another reporter was laughing when he heard Howard wanted them to move the show to New York. Howard said he likes that it's a mystery to people about why he gets paid so much money. Howard said that's how dumb broadcasters are. He said he has to explain this to them. Howard said anyone who makes money in this business is a miracle. Howard said that guy hasn't erupted like that since World War II. He said the guy is acting like it's his 20 million. Howard said that guy is shocked that anyone could make that kind of money.
Howard explained to the ''Huh!'' guy that whatever it is you do there are a million guys who could replace him tomorrow. Howard said in his case no one can replace him. Howard said that's why he gets paid so well. Howard said a million guys could replace the ''Huh!'' guy. Howard said Ryan Seacrest could be replaced. He said someone could come along with better looks and a good voice. Howard said that no one is going to get paid what he gets paid.
Howard said the hot chicks on FOX News get replaced all the time and they're not paid well. Howard said that they're replaceable. Howard said he's not replaceable. The evidence is that so many radio stations failed after he left. He had to replay that ''Huh!'' guy again. He was fascinated with that. Howard kept playing it and talking about it. Howard said that guy just doesn't get why he's paid so well.
Howard said that guy in the clip is a guy who used to follow them on KLSX out in L.A. Howard said he can't see NBC moving the show and paying him 20 million. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and thought he had another live commercial to do. Fred said they were done. Howard said that Captain Janks called CNN and did a prank call posing as a kid who was arrested in Egypt. He said that he was booked as a guest at 12:30 in the afternoon and he wasn't due on until 5pm. Howard said CNN didn't bother to check their sources.
Howard said Janks was on the phone but now he's gone. Gary said he knows some people who work over there and they sent out an email out to people saying that they are figuring out ways to get through their security. Gary said Janks told him about being booked and how it was 6 hours later. Gary said they have nothing to do with this either. He said this is all Janks. Howard said they spend no time on it. Janks just calls and gets through.
Howard asked where Janks was. Gary said he's not sure what happened. He said he'd check on that. Howard said he was on since 6. Gary said they said Janks just has a bad phone that hung up.
Howard got Janks on the line and asked how much effort he puts into this. Janks said it took about 4 hours to set up. He said he spoke to the booking agent and he knew a lot about the kid so it wasn't hard to do. Janks said they did question him a little bit but not much. Janks said he was trying to talk like a 19 year old kid when he was on the phone.
Howard said it's funny that Janks is a phony phone caller and he has a crappy phone. He said you'd think the one thing he'd have is a good phone. Janks said he can't afford it.
Howard said this apparently doesn't take a lot of thought. Howard asked how he did it. Janks said he called the booking agent and told them that he was that kid and heard they wanted to interview him. Robin said that the kid just got out of Egypt and he's not calling anyone to get on.
Howard said that Janks was booked at 11:30 in the morning and then he gets on at 5:10 in the evening. Howard played the clip where they talked about this kid who had been released after being arrested in Egypt. They played this weird sound as they were talking about the story so Howard picked up on that and goofed on it for a minute. Howard said they have a stinger too so he asked Fred to play one of those.
Howard got back to the clip where they talked about the three kids being released. They were being accused of throwing fire bombs at police while protesting. Howard said they played that weird sound again. Fred played some NASCAR race clip that sounded similar. Howard said that sound is so random. Fred kept playing the clip.
In the clip Janks was calling in as Gregory Porter. He told the reporter what happened over in Cairo. Janks made the whole story up and then thanks the U.S. Embassy, the 15 Foundation, North Shore Animal League and Baba Booey's monkey nuts. Howard said Janks was a little too articulate for a 19 year old. The reporter tried asking another question but Janks was gone. She said that they would try to get the real Gregory Porter on.
Howard said it shows, once again, that they don't check their sources. Howard said they didn't even bother to tell the viewers that it was a joke. Howard said Gary's brother thought it was real and maybe Gary had a charity called Baba Booey's Monkey Nuts.
Howard asked Janks if he had anything to say in parting. Janks' phone had cut out again so he wasn't there. Howard said he didn't hang up on him so he lost his connection again. He said that maybe that's what happened to him on CNN. (The call can be heard here)
Lisa said that Benjy met Elisa's parents. Howard said he knows that Beth's mom hung up on her when she told her the news about dating him. He said he can't imagine what Elisa's parents are thinking about Benjy. They ended up talking about his beard dying and how he left the dye on too long. Benjy said he had to go out and shit at a restaurant because Elisa was over. He said he didn't want to stink up the whole place. Howard said an apartment is bad for that because you stink up the whole place. Lisa said that Benjy and Elisa are shopping around for an apartment now.
Howard asked Benjy if he's getting sick of her at all. Benjy said he's not. Howard asked if he'd marry her. Benjy said he would if things work out. He said he wants to date a little bit longer. Howard said Benjy said he would marry her before they started dating. Robin said that Benjy has said that he wants someone who would allow him to date. Benjy asked if he really said that. Benjy said he would be committed to her. Howard said she's not attracted to him physically so she's trying anything to make him look better. Robin said he's like a Christmas tree and she's hanging ornaments on him now.
Howard asked Benjy how good the sex can be if she's not attracted to him. He said he must have to lick her for an hour or use lube. Benjy said he thinks that she is attracted to him now. Howard asked if he has to work her really hard to get inside. Benjy said it's taken months. Howard said that he must tell her to relax and her lubrication will kick in any time now. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Benjy and goofing on him about that.
Benjy is claiming that they haven't had sex yet. Benjy said that they do kiss and she seems to be into him when they're doing that. Howard said he must tape a big picture of Chris Martin over his face.
Robin asked if that thing hanging around his neck is supposed to hypnotize her. Howard said he thinks that he's having sex with her and he's just saying they're just making out. Howard said she said on the show that she wasn't attracted to him. Benjy said he thinks she is now. Howard said that doesn't change. Howard said a woman knows when they're attracted to a man immediately. Howard said that they may grow to love them but they know right away if they're attracted.
Howard said that Benjy has stretch marks on his tits and stuff. He said he knows he has flaws and it's just going to look worse if he gets thin. Lisa said that she kind of misses him as Shreck. Howard said Benjy trying to make himself cute is kind of pathetic. Benjy said he thinks he is cuter now.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that he would have been attracted to her if she was overweight. He said he thinks that she's become more attracted to him.
Howard said he took Lisa's photo during vacation. He said Beth came to him and asked him to Photoshop a picture of Lisa. He said he saw it and it wasn't a very good picture. He said he didn't know what to do with it because he's no genius with Photoshop. Howard said that he went to Lisa's apartment and figured he could use window light. He said she has just one window and it faces a brick wall. Howard said this was a spur of the moment thing and he got there and it was like his Vietnam. He said even John McCain asked how she does it.
Howard said he took some nice pictures of Lisa. He said that she's going to use them as her Christmas card picture. Howard said that he learned that Lisa loves her cat but she's petrified of it. Lisa said she is not. She said the cat hissed at her. Howard said she gives out nervous energy when she holds it. Howard said she freaks out the whole time she's holding it. Howard said Beth picked it up and it was fine. Lisa said they haven't seen the cat have his seizure. Howard said she was freaking out about that too.
Howard said Lisa looked beautiful. He said the sad thing is that she was wearing a sexy outfit but he wasn't able to get her whole body in the shot because her apartment is so small. He said it's like the size of a cage at the North Shore Animal League. Lisa said that Howard was almost hitting his head on the ceiling because it's so small in there.
Lisa got back to her report and said they have a story about JD and Ronnie spending the holiday together. Howard said he has to thank Ronnie. He said that some people think he's a bore and an asshole but he had JD over for Thanksgiving. Howard said that was very nice of him to do and he felt very good about that. Howard said it was good that JD had something to do on Thanksgiving. Lisa said Ronnie picked up the tab and they talked a lot about Scott Salem at dinner.
Howard said he had JD out to his house once. He said he remembers JD sitting there like a lummox. Howard said he was trying to do something nice and JD is like a charity case. Howard said a lot of people feel bad for him.
Howard wondered who Scott talks about at his dinner. He said that there must be someone more downtrodden than Scott. Howard said maybe they talk about Sirhan Sirhan. Howard said there are people that other people pick out to talk about. He said he has a couple that he talks about. Howard said Scott must talk about Gaddafi and people like that.
Ronnie came in and said that Scott went to Florida with him to see a NASCAR race. He said that they went up to see Bubba in Tampa too. He said they went out to diner with Bubba and he's doing good. Ronnie said he doesn't think that the divorce is final yet. He said he's kind of upset about the whole thing. He said he really didn't want to talk about it. Ronnie said he did hear some things but he's not going to talk about it.
Ronnie said that Bubba's son is 9 and he drives a race car. He said that the kid is driving a car with like 585 horsepower. Howard said that has to be illegal. Ronnie said it's on a race track. He said it's not illegal. Ronnie said that Bubba took him and Stephanie out on the track in a beat up pick up trick and the door flew open. Ronnie said he almost fell out. He said Bubba knew that was going to happen too.
Howard asked why Bubba would want his kid to be into racing. Ronnie said the kid loves it. Howard said Bubba must have forced him into it. Ronnie said the kid loves it and you can see it on his face. Howard said he doesn't get why someone would want their kid in such a dangerous sport. Ronnie said that you can get killed doing anything. Howard said there's more of a chance of it happening if you're racing a car.
Ronnie said that Bubba is a great dad and the kid adores him. He said you can see it. He said the kid is like a little Bubba too. He said they have him talking like him and it's great. Howard laughed when he heard that.
Ronnie told Howard about what he and JD talked about at dinner. He said they talked about going down to Florida and things like that. Ronnie said he asked JD what he was doing for Thanksgiving and he heard he wasn't going home so he invited him out to dinner. Ronnie said they went to a restaurant and JD was great. He said they had a really good time. He said the restaurant was a trendy diner called Sanford's in Astoria. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of JD and had him asking where his kids meal prizes were.
Robin asked JD why he didn't go home. JD mumbled a bit so Howard and Fred immediately picked up on that and goofed on him. JD said that there were issues about going home. He said it's hard to go see just one. He said if he can't see both it's easier not to go at all.
JD said it was more money than anything. JD said he doesn't know what he's going to be ding for Christmas. Howard told him to go see his dad and then go see his mom another time. He said that JD just sits around staring at the wall instead. JD thanked him for that.
Howard asked if he had a nice time with Ronnie and Stephanie. JD said he did. Howard said he's glad to hear that. Howard asked what he's going to do if Ronnie and Stephanie break up. JD said he would go see Ronnie.
Robin asked JD why he couldn't get to Ohio for Thanksgiving. JD said it's all about money. He said it's a whole thing. Robin said there are busses and trains so he wouldn't have to fly. Ronnie said that he has done that drive and it's brutal.
Robin asked where JD's brother was. JD said his brother is in California and he works at a Best Buy so he can't leave during the holidays. JD said that he doesn't want to say where his brother lives because he did that once and people figured out where he worked.
Lisa said that Richard Christy has a new guinea pig pet. She said that High Pitch Eric has enrolled in Jon Leiberman's reporting class.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Artie on Kimmel. Howard said he saw Artie and Nick on together. The caller said that they announced that they're going to be on Sirius XM. Howard said that he did hear that and no one had told him that before then. Howard said that they say that they're still two separate companies but then they say they're one company with the stock. He said it's a very schizophrenic company. He said they're two, two, two companies in one. Howard said it's very conveniently two companies when it comes to paying him.
Howard said he thought Artie was funny as hell. The caller said that he's been listening to Artie and Nick's radio show and they're great. Howard said it was great seeing Artie on the show.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about some pictures of him on the internet that look like they were taken in his teens. Howard said he's not sure what they are. She described one and Howard said that is real. She said that he was good looking then. Howard said back then no one thought he was good looking. Howard said he hasn't changed a bit. Robin said he does look the same even now.
Howard said he was getting laid a little bit back then. He said that he went to camp and he was like the most popular guy there. Howard said he would go there and things were great. Then he was home 6 weeks later and things were back to normal. He said he would go home and he'd be a pariah. He said his shrink thinks that it was because he was away from his parents that he was so liked.
Howard said he would go to other high schools and hang out. He said that he walked the halls there and he was ignored so he figured it was him, not the school. Howard said he went to this town and it was culture shock. He said that the kids owned cars and stuff.
Benjy asked if he walked around by himself. Howard said it was a group of guys. He said he had no idea how to get there himself so he had to have someone drive. Howard said there are people in the park who are blind and have to be led around on a rope and that's what his life is like. He said that was one of his friend's plans. Howard said none of his friends got laid either. He said that his friends were just as big of a mess as he was. He said no one wanted to be in that crowd. He said he figured they were uncool just like him. Howard said he hates puberty. He said if he could reverse it he would. Howard said maybe he should have cut his nuts off.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked why he doesn't go to Sirius and ask them to set up a Howard service alone. Howard said they want people to come to the entire service. The caller said there is no content there and Howard is the only content. Howard said he loves Sirius for the music. He said he listens to Deep Tracks with Meg Griffin, Dan Neer, Pat St. John and Carol Miller. He said he listens to that channel. He said he can't listen to Bob Dylan though. The caller asked if the are afraid that the subscribers won't come if they have a Howard only service. Howard said they pay him to bring people to the whole service. Howard said he thinks it's a great service. The caller said he would like just Howard for less money. He said he'd be so happy with that. Howard said they don't want that there. He said they wouldn't hire him for that.
Howard said he loves that Deep Tracks channel. He said they played a McCartney song that he hadn't heard in years. He tried singing it for Robin and Fred but Robin just laughed at him. Howard said they played a Yes song that he liked too. He said they covered ''America'' and it was so fucking good. He said he would never put that on his iPod. He would never think of that song.
Fred found a song that he thought was the McCartney song Howard was talking about. He was right, it was ''Oo You.'' Howard said he thought he sang ''Poppycock'' in the song. It was actually Paul saying ''More guitar.'' Howard said that's one of those songs that Meg would be angry at because it was too well known and too commercial. He said for anyone else it would be obscure.
Howard mentioned the other Yes song and asked Fred if he found that. Fred found that one too. Howard said you have to get into this one. He let it play for a few seconds and said they play it all the time on Deep Tracks. The caller said it sounds awful. Howard said he's out of his mind. He told him to just listen and take a lesson from his teacher. The caller said that it sounds like an Irish Jig. Howard said he's out of his mind.
The caller asked if they played that song on America's Got Talent he'd think it was good. Howard said they need bands on that show. He said he's not sure whey there aren't any. Howard told the guy to just check out this Yes song. Howard said they're jamming in the beginning but they eventually get down to it.
Howard said Dan Neer talks about songs and gives all kinds of information. He said that guy must have no life. Howard told the caller to quiet down a bunch of times. He said he has to listen to this. Howard said that guy can sing. Howard asked if Robin was bumming out on that. She said she wasn't. The caller said the other song was better. Howard told the caller to just keep listening. He said he wishes that someone would do a song like that today.
The caller asked if the song is done yet. Howard said they have another 15 minutes to go or so. Howard said he took a dump and the song was still playing. Howard said he just went through the entire fasting of Yom Kippur and the song is still playing. He said he planted an entire organic farm and the song is still going.
Howard told Mitch they asked Andrea who she would rather fuck, a horse or a German Sheppard. Howard asked Robin which one she would rather fuck. He told Robin that there are people who do this and they do get diseases from doing it. Howard said that if common decency won't stop you then maybe that will. Howard asked Robin again which one she would do. Robin said she'd pick the German Sheppard. Robin said they are smaller. She said if she had to do something she would pick the dog.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks her answer will be. Fred said he's going to say she'll pick the horse. Howard said Robin says dog. Mitch said that he's going to go with Fred and say Horse. Howard played Andrea's answer and she said it would be a horse because she doesn't want to fuck a dog. Howard had to replay it so he could hear her explanation. Andrea just said that she wouldn't want to fuck a dog. Howard said he's glad he wasted time with that.
Howard said Mitch won the iPad 2 courtesy of Citrix and GoToMyPC. Howard gave them a plug and put Mitch on hold.
Howard said they asked who she would sleep with, Fred or Howard Stern. Andrea's answer was Howard Stern of course.
Gary came in and said that Bobo leaves a lot of messages and he seems to think that he works for the show. He said that Bobo left a message for Doug saying that ''we'' need to book Dog the Bounty Hunter on the show and ''we'' haven't had him on yet.
Gary had one message where Bobo told Gary not to get a flu shot because the government is conspiring to kill off people. He said that his wife was really sick after getting a shot. Bobo said he was sick for a year after he got one. Bobo said that a lot of people are talking about that. Howard asked if he really believes there's a conspiracy. Bobo said there are people who say that's what's going on.
Howard played more of the message and Bobo was going on and on about the flu shot and how it doesn't cover all flu's, it's just a ''strand'' of flu. Bobo said that if you get a different strand of flu, which one do you get. Bobo kept saying ''strand'' so Howard goofed on him about that. Then he told him it's a ''strain'' of flu.
Gary said he thinks they should test Bobo again in the IQ test. He said that he thinks that he could be lower than an 87. Howard said he thinks that High Pitch Eric was higher than that. Howard said you'd think Bobo was higher than an 87 since he's a teacher.
Robin said something about Bobo and called him ''Bilbo.'' Howard said that Robin just called Bobo ''Bilbo.''
Bobo told Howard why he thinks that Dog the Bounty Hunter should be on the show. Howard asked if he thinks that he would be good on America's Got Talent. Bobo said he would be great on that show. Bobo asked if they can get Dog on the show. Howard said he doesn't know. Bobo said he thinks they should have him on. Howard said he had to take a break. He said he has so many things to get to today.
Howard said there was a guy who had a seizure during the Twilight movie. He said that the guy passed out and ended up in a hospital. Howard said that guy also thought it was too graphic when the chick was giving birth. Howard said that movie was not graphic at all. He said it was like being a 3 year old and having no idea how a baby is born. He said that this thing came out with strawberry jelly all over it. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked Gary where some clips were that he wanted to play. Howard said he must be doing something wrong in bed. He said that these clips are various women in porn making noise. Howard said he expects women to act like this in bed and it doesn't happen. He said that porn is bad. He said it makes you think women are going to act like this. He said he bets that John Stamos hears this. He played a clip of a woman screaming like she was being murdered. He had another one where the woman was screaming at the top of her lungs too. Howard said these guys say mean things to these women and it makes you think that's the way to do it. He said he pepper sprayed Beth in bed the other night to get her to do this.
Howard played another one where the woman was making really strange noises. Robin said it sounds more like torture. Howard said he bets Robin doesn't hold back and she must make noise. Howard said she must be demonstrative.
Howard played another one where a woman was being vibrated by something large. Howard said it sounds like a Sybian or something larger.
Howard played a message they got from Herman Cain. In the fake clip he was asking about Robin and saying he'd like to bend her over a sink and put it in her stink.
Howard said he had a message from Richard's dad. He said he's not sure why he's so hell bent on letting Richard know everything that's going on at home. Howard said he likes that they're short though. He played the clip and Richard's dad said it was coon season and they had found one on the side of the road so they ate that. Howard said that sounds pretty desperate to him. He said Richard has talked about the many times he has had coon meat Sloppy Joes.
Howard said Baba Booey was a clue on Jeopardy again. Howard played that clip where it was actually Howard as the answer. Howard thought that was the Baba Booey but Gary told him there's another one where Baba Booey was the answer. Howard played that one next. Howard asked Gary if he'd want to come with him to see how America's Got Talent works. Gary said he would like to see it sometime. Howard asked if he would come to boot camp week or just one live show. Gary said he'd like to do one of each. He said he likes Howie and Sharon so he'd like to be in the control room watching. Howard said they'd probably kick Gary out of there.
Howard said according to what he's reading they're thinking about moving the show and he could probably get a lot of his listeners into the taping. Howard said he might even get a day named after him there in New York. He said that he has some clips of people talking about how great he'd be as a judge. He played some clips and one woman said she wants him to disappear because he's a pig. Another woman said they should close the show if they're considering Howard Stern as a judge. She said even Woody Allen is better than Howard. She said he's a waste of time.
Howard played some more of those people saying he'd be horrible. Howard said there were some who said he'd be good. Howard talked about the one woman's advice for him to quit his job and be a taxi driver. Howard said that would be the worst job for him. He isn't good with directions or even driving. Howard said he'd get lost.
Howard said that David Peel used to put out albums and then he hooked up with him for his theme song when he was running for governor. Howard played some of that song and said it was kind of catchy. Robin said it was okay. Robin said Joey Boots ran into David down at Occupy Wall Street. Howard said David is still alive. Howard said Joey asked David to write a song about his contract. David came up with something on the spot and it sounded just like the governor theme song except he was singing about his contract. Howard said David sounds kind of tired in that clip. He said he must be an older guy now.
Howard said that there was a woman named Maria Moldor and she put out a Christmas CD. Howard asked why it was so weird. He said Gary told him that it's like Midnight at the Oasis. Howard tried to get it to work but the CD player wasn't working correctly. Howard said she's just doing her song ''Midnight at the Oasis'' but replaces the word Midnight with ''Christmas.'' Howard said he's thinking about writing one called Porum at the Oasis.
Robin asked why anyone would do that. Howard said he doesn't know. He said she does have other songs on the album. Howard said Big Foot has a Christmas album too. He played some of that. They had Big Foot singing ''Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer'' and barely saying any of the words. He was mumbling most of the lyrics that he obviously didn't know.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Daryl Hall performance on the show was great. He said that it might be the greatest ever. Then the caller said he'd like to come up for a visit because he's a huge fan of the show and a supporter. He said he just wants a minute up there. Howard said they stopped doing that but he's going to say okay just so he doesn't have to listen to the guy anymore. Howard told Gary he had a headache on line 4.
Fred was able to find the song but no one else was. Someone spelled Daryl's name wrong. It was ''Darly Hall'' instead. Fred played the live performance of ''Kiss On My List.'' Howard said it really is good.
Gary said Howie Mandel was saying that he wasn't into Daryl Hall but after hearing that interview he wanted to go out and buy an album. Howard said he heard Howie talking about Jay Leno on the Superfan show and he needs to explain some stuff to him. Howard said Jay has no integrity. He said that's what he has to explain to Howie.
Howard cut the song off and Robin said she was just grooving with the song. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard said those guys remind him of the guys in Right Said Fred. He said he thinks this one song, Party Rock, is going to be their only hit. He said the girl comes out and makes it less gay. Gary said JD just told him that the girl isn't in the band. She was just there dancing.
Howard said they have to get back to the Roll Call thing they were doing a while back. Howard said Lisa G was so proud of it when they were doing that. Howard said he forgets how to even do it. He said he'd have to bone up on it.
Howard played a Roll Call clip from the station Lisa G used to work at. Howard tried to get into it again. He started singing ''It's the roll call, it's the roll call...''
Howard said they're going to have the listeners do it too. Howard said he heard that Lisa does it secretly in the bathroom there. Robin said she saw the photo Howard took of her and it was great. Howard said Lisa's apartment is the most depressing place. He said that it's not cheap to live there. He said her apartment is considered a luxury apartment.
Howard said he did a pregnancy shoot with a friend who is 7 months pregnant. Howard said he showed it to his daughter and she cried. He said he must be really wonderful if it made her cry. Howard said that's why he can't be a judge on America's Got Talent. He said he would have to give up his photography. Howard said he can't do that.
Robin said she heard about a book called Coolie and it was all pictures of women's naked buttocks. Howard said he was thinking about that but it's already taken. He said he may do one called ''Taint.'' He said that it would be pictures of men and women's taints. He said you won't be able to tell which is which.
Jon ran down a few more things they'll be discussing today. Jon mentioned the people bad mouthing Howard in the street interviews. Jon said he doesn't think Howard should do the show. He said he thinks that it would be better for Howard to be on American Idol. Howard said he likes America's Got Talent though. Jon said he should do it then. Howard said people think he's going to ruin his ''brand'' if he does the show. He said he really doesn't care about that. He said at this point in his career he just does what he wants to do.
Robin started her news with a story about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore breaking up and announcing their divorce. Howard said he just got to be friends with them and now they're breaking up. He said he seems to attract people who are on the edge. Robin said they say that Demi was bi-sexual and Ashton wasn't supposed to have girls without her. Howard said that seems reasonable to him. He said he doesn't know why he'd screw that up. Howard said if you can't abide by that rule then it's not going to work out. Howard said he'd be fine with that if Beth wanted him to just watch her with other girls.
Howard said he knew a girl who swore to him that she had made out with Demi. Howard said he never knows what to believe. Howard said he thought Demi was great after talking to her and then you hear that story and realize how great she really is. He said he can't imagine screwing that whole thing up. Howard said his guess is that she slowed down on bringing other girls into the bed and Ashton got fed up.
Robin asked if Howard would pick Demi or Ashton. Howard said he thinks that he'd have to stick with Ashton. He said he was the one who started the relationship. He said, as a guy, he would like to be friends with Demi.
Robin said that Mila Kunis has been named hot girl of the year by GQ magazine. Howard asked Fred to play that sound they played on CNN during Captain Janks prank call. He wanted Robin's news to sound the same. Howard played the clip and told Fred to throw it in for no reason once in a while. JD said that's when they have graphics coming and going from the screen. Howard said they'll just pretend that they have graphics coming and going from the screen then.
Robin read as story about two hunters that died over the weekend. Robin said one committed suicide. Fred was throwing in the sound clip after every couple of words. Robin said that one hunter shot the other accidentally and then the guy who shot him ended up taking his own life. Robin said that was another tragic hunter story. Howard and Fred were both playing the sound effects at that point.
Robin said that Jenny McCarthy is saying that she's using an online dating service to find men. Howard said he's calling bullshit on that story. He said she's probably getting paid by an online dating service to say that. Like she can't get a date.
Howard said things never worked out with Jenny. He said she said she would fuck him and he would love to have experienced that. Howard pretended to be an reporter talking about that story with the CNN sounds playing after every few words. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Robin read a story about a woman who allegedly killed her young son. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. The official said that the woman tried to suffocate the child but he woke up and said that she was hurting him. The woman ended up turning herself into the police.
Robin read about how the oldest living survivor of the holocaust is now 108 years old. Robin said she's a professional pianist and she still plays.
Robin read about Bernie Fine being terminated from Syracuse university. Robin said that they have 3 men accusing him of sexual abuse. Robin read about some of the guys who have come out claiming sexual abuse. Fred and Howard were still playing the CNN sounds once in a while during the report. Robin said Fine has denied all of the allegations.
Robin read about how the catholic church is all up in arms about the sexual abuse. They say that it's not just the catholic church. Howard said they should shut up about that. He said he figured the pope was wearing a Penn State jersey to show his support. He said the Pope would probably tell them to pretend that nothing happened and just cover it all up. Robin read some details about what's going on with Sandusky. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who was accused of watching child porn on a Delta airline flight. Robin said that he's a professor at a university in Utah. Robin said that a passenger behind him reportedly snapped a picture of him watching and asked relatives to report what he was doing.
Robin read about how a Sesame Street composer was arrested on child porn charges. Robin said that his name is Fernando Rives. Robin said he was arrested after they found a picture of a 4 year old girl in handcuffs.
Robin read about Sirhan Sirhan's lawyer is saying that Sirhan did not shoot Robert Kennedy. They're trying to get him released. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about short people and how they can blame missing genetic material in their DNA for being short. Howard said that's what Ronnie's excuse can be.
Robin read about Cyber Monday and how the deals are starting to come out a week in advance lately. Robin said that they say that Black Friday was a big hit this year. They say that 11 billion was spent this year compared to 10.5 last year.
Robin read about a woman who sprayed pepper sprayed another shopper while they were going after the same item at a store. Robin said that one man collapsed at a store and people just walked around him instead of getting him help. Robin said some other places had near stampedes to get sale items. One of them was a $2 waffle iron.
Robin read about how Catholics are saying some new prayers after a new translation of some Latin terms. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how it's going to take some getting used to.
Robin read about Dr. Conrad Murray's case and how they're asking for the most lenient sentence. She had some audio of a guy talking about what he thinks will happen. He said he thinks Murray will get 4 years in prison.
Robin said some new attack ads against President Obama have started coming out. Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about his attack ad. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Herman Cain talking about the false accusations against him and how that's making it tough for his campaign. Howard asked if they had that message to Robin that Herman Cain sent. Gary told him where it was. Howard replayed it.
Robin read about the 3 kids who were released in Cairo. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would go there and protest like they did. Howard said they must be nuts. Gary told Howard that one of their interns spent a month over there. The day she got there was the day all of this stuff erupted. Howard said she wouldn't go there now. Gary asked if she would. She said no. Robin read some more about the three and what they were saying. Howard asked what's up with these kids. He said they're really fucked up these days. He said they're turning out mental cases. Howard said they should be locked up for just going to Egypt.
Robin read about the latest Twilight movie being number one at the box office. Robin said they made another $42 million this weekend. Robin said the Muppet movie was second at the box office with $29 million. Howard asked if he's been sitting there all day long. He said the show seems very long today. Robin said that Yes song didn't help make it shorter.
Robin read about some new Christmas albums that are coming out. Howard wondered what happened to good bands after hearing some of that stuff.
Robin read about a new movie that's coming out with an NC-17 rating on it. Robin said that it's about a sex addict. Robin had some audio of the star of the movie talking about it. Robin said that this is the same guy who plays Magneto in the X-Men movie. Howard said he would go see it if he was playing Magneto in the movie.
Robin read about another movie, Coriolanus, that's coming out in limited release. Robin had some details about that and some audio of Ralph Fiennes talking about the movie. They ended the show around 10:15am.
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Jon mentioned the America's Got Talent discussions and how Howard seems to be into it even though he's not admitting that he's in discussions. Simon Cowell has said that he is in discussions though. Jon said that David Hasselhoff wants Howard to be on it too. Gary asked if he quit the show or was he fired. Gary said he wasn't sure. Jason said he thinks that he was fired but he doesn't know for sure either. Gary asked if they don't renew your contract is that being fired? Jon said that it might be.
The guys talked about Natalie Maines bad mouthing the Fast Food show that Jon and Jason do. Jon said that Natalie loves them but she doesn't like the topic. Jason said that she doesn't like it and she's entitled to her opinion.
Jon ran through a few more things he wanted to cover and said he wanted to start with Benjy and his new look. He said that Benjy is wearing jewelry, dying his beard and losing weight. Gary said that they have all gone through phases where they changed for girls. Gary said that they were much younger though. Jon said he's worried about Elisa not being into Benjy for who he is. Gary said he thinks that she likes her but maybe Benjy the accountant couldn't have worn her down like Benjy from the Howard Stern Show did.
Jon said he's worried that he's changing for her because she's telling him to change. Benjy was in so he said that she's saying that she's not changing him. He's changing himself. Jon asked if he's doing it to get more attention for her on the show. Benjy said he's changing his clothing and he's enjoying that. He said that's superficial stuff though. He said he likes looking better. He said he's losing weight by working out and eating a lot less.
Jason said he thinks that Benjy is still chunky. Benjy said he's at 186 on his home scale. He said the lowest he ever was working there is now. He said that before that he only got down to the mid 190s. Benjy said he's been losing weight since before he met Elisa. Jason said that Benjy would still be the fat guy if he was cast on a TV show.
Gary said that Benjy finally admitted that he lies about his age. Benjy said he has admitted it before. Gary said he has always denied it. Benjy mentioned it was changed when he was at Penn State. Benjy said he did graduate from college.
Benjy said he was kicked out of one college for underage drinking. He said he also lived in New York for a year so that's why it took him 9 years to finish college. Gary said that Lara Spencer went to school with Benjy. Benjy said she took great notes. He said he would copy them once per semester.
Jon said he wants to be happy for Benjy but he can't tell if this is being put on or not. Jason said that he is drastically changing his look to sleep with a girl. Jason said he's not putting that down but that's obviously what's going on. He said he's not being himself. He said he's got the Don Johnson beard and the fake earring.
Jon said that they seem to be in the honeymoon phase right now. He asked if he's worried about what's coming next. Benjy said he's only worried because so many relationships don't work out. He said he thinks this one will work though.
Benjy said he thinks that a lot of women are won over by men and it doesn't usually go the other way around. Gary said he thinks he's right about that. Jason said the Benjy that she wasn't attracted to is gone now. He's slowly turning into the Benjy that she wants.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone knows who the real Benjy is. Gary said he thinks he knows who the real Benjy is because he used to talk to him a lot before he created this Benjy. Gary said he's got a huge heart and all of the interns love him. He said he does that because he's a super friendly guy. Gary said that he thinks that he had aspirations to be a comedian and a wrier. He said relationship wise he's not sure. He said that he never seemed that interested in having one. Jon said that he can't tell but he's happy for him it it's a real thing. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he heard there was a lot of Scott Salem chatter going on that night. He said Scott always ends up being the text book charity case on the show. Gary said that Jason was talking about how when you get seated at a party Scott is the benchmark. He said it's not like they don't like him but it does show where you stand with certain people. Gary said Will and Jason got seated with him at one of Fred's parties. Then Will got seated with Scott at Howard's wedding and he was kind of bummed about that since Jason wasn't there too.
JD said he doesn't feel like a charity case. Ronnie said he didn't feel that way ether. He said he just heard he was staying in town and he figured he'd like to include him. He said it wasn't a charity thing.
Benjy asked if Scott lowers the value and Howard is the highest, and they're at the table together, are you at a good table. Jon wondered if anyone is lower than Scott on that scale. Gary said Scott gets the bad rap but he's a good dude. Gary asked JD where he falls into all of that. JD said he'd say he's below Scott thanks to his low self esteem. He said he doesn't really talk that much in big groups. He said that's how it was when Howard invited him, Sal and a few others out to Nobu.
Gary said that it's the same group from work though. He asked why it's so different. JD said he's not sure why.
Gary asked Ronnie if Scott is fun to hang out with. Ronnie said they have a great time but Scott must have some OCD going on or something. He said he told Scott he'd meet him downstairs at 7:30 and he wasn't down there right on time. He said that Scott was sitting in the back of the car and the window started going up and down. He said he thinks he has some kind of OCD issue.
Ronnie said that they had a blast down in Florida. He said that Scott gets really impatient and he looks at his watch a lot. Ronnie said that Scott got really nervous at the track and stuff too. He said he gets a little upset about what's going on. Scott came in and said that Ronnie was the one cursing everyone out.
Scott said he does have some kind of thing going on with his watch. He said that he looks at his watch a lot. Ronnie said you see him doing it constantly. He said he went to a race with him a few years ago and he looked at his watch about 500 times.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks that it's fair where they rate him. Scott said it's hard to avoid since they all make it so public. Scott said they just ran a Howard TV special about the Ronnie Block Party. It was mostly about bashing him. He said that really hurt him. He said that 90 percent of the special was about how he's a fuck up. He said everyone bashes him. He said the guests, Ronnie, Shuli, the producer Lee and anyone they could find. Scott said he thinks they had nothing else to show from that show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Scott feels like the heel of the show. He wanted to know if Scott knows that he's like that or does he feel like he's just getting the shaft. Scott said that everyone gets treated pretty much the same there. He said lately he's been getting a big turn and sometimes it's annoying. Gary said he's been left out of some parties and things over the years. He said that Robin had a party once and he wasn't invited. He said he asked Robin about it and she said that she thought he was busy with his kid.
Scott said he knows he's not the life of the party. He said he really doesn't get crazy about it. He said they're missing out, not him. They had to take another break a short time later.
Scott said they get the joke and he just wondered how long they could go on with it. He said not one person had a nice word to say about him.
Ronnie said there are people who will say you suck just to get on the show. He said that he knows people that has happened with. He said he has taken pictures with them and then they go downstairs and they do interviews with Wolfie and the same people will say he sucked. He said it's just to get on the show he thinks. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about how happy he was to be there. He said they're going to be there for four days this week. He said that's going to be their Christmas gift to everyone. Howard said they're givers, not takers. Howard said they had a lot to talk about and do today but he wasn't able to think of a thing.
Howard said he has a lot of tapes to get to today. He said he has a sweater on today and he hates it because it's itchy. He said Howard TV has some extra shirts that he may have to change into today. He said that it might be too itchy to keep on the whole show.
Howard said he might have to start his conversation about Scott the Engineer here. He said he heard him on Wrap Up yesterday and he's upset with the Howard TV people over the special they did about the Ronnie's Block Party show. Howard said they concentrate on Scott because he doesn't do anything at the shows. Howard said Scott doesn't know why that's funny. He said that's the reason he's funny. Howard said Scott is out of his mind. He said he was complaining that they didn't find anything funny there but that's what's funny. He said the funny thing is that he's so not interesting that it's interesting. Howard said Scott is insane. He said he's upset with Doug Goodstein and that's just going over the edge.
Howard said Scott dos absolutely nothing on stage and that's what's so funny. Scott said that doesn't mean they have to bash him in the show. Howard said they do. He said he does nothing and that's fascinating. Howard said the other guys do things and Scott goes up on stage and demands to be paid to do nothing. Howard said he has no talent and no reason to be on stage. Howard said that should be a 10 hour behind the scenes show. Howard said they went too easy on him. Scott said he doesn't think so. Howard said he'll never be able to explain it to Scott.
Howard said they asked Ronnie if Scott is fun to be with and Ronnie wasn't able to answer. Scott said he knows he's not the life of the party. Howard laughed at that statement. He played some audio from the Wrap Up show where Gary asked Ronnie if Scot is fun to be around. Ronnie wasn't able to come up with an answer. He just said they had a great time. Howard said Ronnie was so flummoxed by that question. He said Scott then came in and went off on Howard TV for doing the special. Howard said they should lock Scott up in a mental institution.
Howard asked Scott what he thinks those specials should be about. Scott said he was never meant to do anything at those shows. He said he gets paid to be there and help and not do that much. Howard said that he does nothing though. He said that's what people want to see him do there. Howard said he sits there with a smile on his face and demands to get paid to do nothing.
In another clip Gary said that Scott is the go to guy to fuck around with. He asked Scott how much he thinks is real. Scott said they turned that show into a bashing Scott show. He explained who was bashing him and it was everyone.
Howard said he heard that Scott is rally upset with Doug Goodstein. Scott said he's talking to them and not ignoring them. Howard said he should ignore them. Howard said he heard that Scott yelled at one of the Howard TV producers. Scott said he didn't yell. Howard said that's what he heard.
Keith came in and said that they weren't ganging up on him. He said that Scott does what he does and they just point and shoot. Howard said it's hysterical that Scott goes there and sits there doing nothing. Howard said most people would be embarrassed to do that. Howard said Scott asks when he's going to get paid and where his room is. Howard said he shows up like he's Tom Cruise with demands. Howard said it's the greatest. He said Scott is the greatest and he shouldn't be insulted. Howard said his whole thing is showing up and doing nothing.
Howard said at one point Scott comes up with the idea to dance into the crowd and Shuli tells him it's great. Howard had to explain to Scott why he's invited to go to those shows. They do that because he does nothing. That's what's so interesting. Howard said he can't believe he has to explain it to him. Scott said he does get it. Howard said the greatest accomplishment in his career is making Scott popular. He said that he made him a star that people are willing to pay to see.
Howard said this is a phenomenon. He told Scott to be thankful and happy that someone paid attention to him. Scott said alright. Howard told him to beg Keith to keep the camera on him.
Howard said he can't believe Scott was upset about all of that. IF he's upset he shouldn't be going to those gigs.
Howard said Geraldo went down to Wall Street and he was interviewing some people down there. He said that he's going to be jumping around a bit this morning. Howard got back to Scott for a minute and said he'd like to know what Scott thinks they should have covered at the show. He said he could spend 4 hours talking about this one thing. Howard said he avoids Scott in the hall unless he has to go in and record a commercial. Howard said people are paying to go see this guy. Howard said it's worth $50 to go see Scott and meet him. Howard said Scott just doesn't understand why they would do a special about him. He and Fred did their impressions of Scott for a few more seconds.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Shuli should be the one getting bashed for not putting on a good show with those Ronnie Block Parties. Howard said that Shuli is good doing stand-up though. Howard said Shuli has some stuff to say. The caller said he saw him a few years ago and he didn't think he was that good. Howard said he does have an act though. The caller said he didn't dig it. Robin asked if that was Scott on the phone. Howard said it's hard to have a conversation with that guy.
Howard had a clip from a Seattle news show where a guy says ''pinched tits'' live on the air. He was trying to say ''pitch tents.'' Howard said some of the anchor women are so hot it must confuse these guys.
Howard said he had another clip of a football announcer, Gary Dolphin, saying ''jigaboo.'' Howard said this guy might be in trouble.
Howard said Mike Francessa said ''cunt'' accidentally. He played that clip too. He said he had another guy who said ''cock'' accidentally. Howard said played that one and the guy said ''cock first'' and meant to say ''cockpit first'' while talking about Dan Wheldon's Indycar crash.
Howard said he has some audio of Kathie Lee Gifford talking about how she and Regis were the first people to talk about their personal lives on TV. She took credit for reality TV shows being created. Howard said they were there before Regis and Kathie Lee. Howard said there were a lot of people before them.
Howard said he and Robin were talking about their personal lives way before Kathie Lee and Regis were. Howard said he gets upset when he sees that show she's on now. He said he saw her singing a song every week and he thinks they stopped doing it once he goofed on it. Howard said he doesn't know how Hoda works with her. He said it's no wonder she has to drink during the show. Howard said that's one thing she did create.
Howard played the Baba Booey moment from Jeopardy. They were asked what Gary's nickname is on the Howard Stern Show and one of the guys knew it was ''Baba Booey.'' Howard wondered if they'd accept ''fafa fooey.'' Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard imagined how that would go if they had to go to the judges. Howard threw out a bunch of Mama Monkey, Fafa Flohi and others that they've used over the years. Fred played some of Billy West's many names for Gary like Tata Toothy, Dada Dummy and others.
Gary came in and said that he saw one of the other players clicking away when they asked that question so he must have known the answer too. Gary said they did ask him for a photo to put up on the show when they used him as an answer. Howard said it would have been great if someone had passed out when they saw it.
The caller told Howard he's a great interviewer and he doesn't get enough credit. He asked if he could ask Howard a few questions. Howard told him to go ahead. The caller asked why he claims to be half Jewish when he's full Jewish. Howard said he does that to be funny. He said that everyone knows he's Jewish. Howard said of course he's full Jew. Howard said the caller isn't as good an interviewer as he is.
The caller, Isaac, asked Howard about the Yiddish words he uses and why he says they're ''Italian.'' Howard said that's humor. Isaac asked if his ex-wife resents him for dumping her and marrying a trophy wife. Howard said he's insulting him now. He's insulting him and it's fucking bullshit about his ''trophy wife.'' He said he didn't dump his wife for Beth. He said he met Beth a year after he got divorced. Howard said that most of his fans on the SternFanNetwork do this to him. Howard said if he met him in person he'd sock him in the head. He said that this guy is just insulting him. Isaac said that's not what he meant to do. He apologized to him for doing that.
Howard said the thing is that he's the trophy. He said that his wife isn't the trophy. Howard said that he didn't go out like a womanizer. He said he could have fucked anyone on the planet and he didn't do it. Howard said he's so evolved so he respects women. Howard said that's enough questions. Isaac said he had one more. Howard said the first two were pretty idiotic. Isaac asked him to name one bit or act from the last 30 years that his kids are embarrassed by. Robin said this guy is wacky. Howard said this guy has succeeded in ticking him off.
Isaac said that he's embarrassed his kids with stuff. Howard said his kids don't listen to the show because they never bring up any of the bits. He said they don't like the naked women on the show and they don't think it's a good idea. They probably think his whole career is embarrassing to them.
Howard said his kids never knew about much of what he did in his carer. He said he was talking to one of his kids the other night and asked her if she heard about the America's Got Talent rumors and she didn't know anything about it. He said they really don't follow what he does.
Isaac said he thinks that Howard is already at 3 days instead of 5 and he's winding down his career. He asked why he has to go out there now and do another show like that. Howard said he needs to judge. Isaac said he can stay home and judge. Howard said that's a good point and he's thought about that. Howard said he's not saying that he's in negotiations but if he was maybe it would be a fun kind of challenge to do that kind of show. He said it might be fun to try it out and see what it's like. Isaac said it might be more of a headache than he thinks it would be. Howard said maybe it will be. Robin said he won't know unless he tries.
Isaac told Howard that it upsets him when he says that he's against circumcision and things like that. Howard said of course he's against it. He thinks it's wrong. Isaac said that he's going against what a man asked them to do. Howard said that it's all a made up story. Isaac said that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with circumcision. Howard said that they chop off women's clitoris in Africa. Isaac said that's not in the bible though. Howard said that's in their bible. He and Isaac argued about that stuff for a short time.
Howard asked Isaac if he bangs his wife through a sheet if he's Orthodox. Isaac said that's a myth. Isaac started going off on Howard and his phone was starting to get garbled. Howard and Isaac talked about the circumcision thing and argued about whether or not it's right to do. Howard said that he read about it in a story book so he thinks it's right. Isaac said it's not a story book. Howard said he grew up in an orthodox temple so he knows more about this stuff than he does. Isaac's phone kept getting worse and worse so Howard finally hung up on him. Howard did an impression of what he was sounding like toward the end of the call. Howard screwed up his microphone by doing that so he was going to go to break to get that fixed. He said if he puts his hand near the microphone it makes this weird sound. Gary said Scott has an explanation for that. Howard asked if it'll get better if he waits. Gary said yes but it wasn't getting better. Howard said it did sound like it was calming down a little bit. Howard asked how he's supposed to do his impression of the guy on the phone. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. Fred said it was a Rihanna song. Howard said he saw that she has some crazy record of number one songs. He said that it's making the Beatles less and less relevant when that kind of thing happens. Howard said she's not that hot either. He said he needs to tell her that.
Howard said Chris Brown was on the American Music awards and people were cheering for him. Robin said he just kept on going after allegedly smacking Rihanna around. Howard said that her music seems a little vapid.
Howard had another news clip where a reporter says ''shit.'' He played that clip and the reporter came back live on air and screwed up and then said ''shit, sorry... 3, 2, 1'' as if she was recording the segment. Howard said that they freak out like it's the end of the world hearing the word.
Howard said Joey Boots has been down at Occupy Wall Street and he got tape of a guy yelling at the cops but the cop can't do anything. Howard said he wishes it was the old days when they could beat the shit out of the guy.
Howard played that clip and the guy was screaming at the cops about what he is and how it's the end of the world and the government as we know it. He told the cop he can suck his dick. Howard said he was doing this right to the cop's face. Howard said you can't lock the guy up because the jails are so crowded but they should be able to beat the shit out of him. Howard said you just can't do it anymore. Hands are tied.
Howard said you have to see this video. The guy just keeps going rambling on and on. The guy was calling the cop a pussy for carrying a gun and stuff like that. Howard said the cop must be wishing for the old days when he could beat the shit out of him. Robin said this is what freedom is all about. Howard said maybe he's not all for freedom. He played more of the audio and the guy was still going on and on screaming at the cop. Howard said that's what's going on at Occupy Wall Street.
Howard played another one of Joey's videos where this woman was trying to make a point and not making any sense while screwing. Howard said she's wasting her time there. He said she's putting out all of that energy for nothing. Robin said they misdirect their energy. Howard said she goes on and on too.
Howard said he had another clip of a guy who says that it's illegal to reveal his name. Howard said they seem to be practicing the law down there. He said they start spouting the law like they know it. Howard got some laughs out of that one too. Howard said that was Joey Boots covering the scene down there. You can watch Joey's videos on YouTube here.
Jon said that the man accused of hitting Robin and fleeing the scene has gotten another postponement with his case.
Jon said they had questions about Benjy graduating from Penn State so they launched an investigation and found that he was given a Bachelor of Arts Degree in 1993. He said that it was 2 weeks before he turned 26 years old. Howard said he's like Van Wilder.
Howard said the whole Benjy thing is fascinating. Howard said he's trying to get this girl and he appears to have gotten her in some way. He said he doesn't think that she's passionate about Benjy and to be with a woman like that is kind of defeating for a man. Howard asked Benjy if he agrees with it. Benjy said she's very passionate about him. Howard said she was making faces about him when she was on the show. Benjy said they walked around holding hands all day yesterday.
Howard asked if he's spray tanning now. Benjy said he is. Howard said he's really doing a lot of things like dying his beard and things like that. Howard said his apartment is now open and he's a totally new person. Howard said he's gone overboard with the dying of the beard.
Benjy said that was her apartment, not his. Howard said Doug Goodstein thinks that his apartment is available now too. Benjy said they may do something. Jon asked what the high end modeling thing is that he wants to do. Benjy said that was a joke.
Howard said that she appears to be painting Benjy's face to make it more attractive. Benjy said he thinks that it is with more color on it. Robin said that you use ornaments on a Christmas tree to balance things out and that's what Benjy appears to be to Elisa.
Howard said that people were saying the analogy of the Christmas tree was a great reference. Robin said that yesterday and he got a bunch of feedback about it. Howard quickly read through some of that.
Howard asked Benjy why he's spray tanning. He said he heard it can be unhealthy. Benjy said he hates that stuff but he wants to get a natural spray tan. Howard asked to see his skin. He wondered if he has tan arms from the spray tan. Benjy said they are kind of tan.
Benjy said that Elisa wants him to get his body hair waxed too. He said he may do that. He also said he woke up with this bracelet on his wrist this morning. Jon asked if there's anything he has put his foot down on and said no to. Benjy said he can't think of anything. He said that he's sure he has said no to something. Benjy said that he has probably said he didn't want to wear something. Howard said that it has to be tough to jump through hoops for her. Benjy said he doesn't think of them as hoops. He likes wearing different clothes.
Fred told Benjy that the spray tan looks ridiculous. He said that it looks like grease on his face. Benjy asked if he should take it off because then it would look like he's doing it because they told him to. Howard said he can do what he wants but they're giving him some advice. He said that Benjy looks better now that he's lost weight.
Fred asked if there's anything she's left alone on him. Benjy said his cock has been left alone. Howard told him to sit down because they've spent too much time on this.
Jon said that they caught up with Benjy's talent agent and she reached out to him when she heard he wanted to be on Law and Order. They passed on him but after the Anthony Weiner press conference they found that they may have more things for him to do.
Howard said he's losing interest in the whole Benjy thing. Jon moved on and said that Joey Boots and High Pitch Mike were going at it on Twitter and Mike got so aggravated with Boots that he tweeted out a message that Boots had sent to him about how he owed him a blow job. He said he'd keep it top secret. They have escalated that into a full scale war on Twitter.
Jon said they have a story about why Angry Black hasn't been on the show lately. He had some things going on with his union so he had to lay low. Howard had Angry Black on the phone and Angry said that a utility truck almost side swiped him and he called the guy a scab so he got suspended. He said that they worked everything out though.
Angry said that he thinks that Black on Black should keep going and he wanted to be part of it. Howard said he knows where he's going with this and he thinks that the show should have just gone on with King and Big Black. Angry Black said he's not even hearing him out. Howard said it's not going to happen.
King was on the phone and said that Angry is just as white as Big Black and that's why he wanted to have him on the show. He said he would just have him on as a temporary host. King said he would do some news stories and stuff and he'll try him out. He said if it doesn't work out then they won't go on. Howard said he'll give them one week's try out but he's doing that under protest.
King told Howard that the best moment was when he told that caller that he was the trophy. Howard said that's because it's true. Howard said King and Angry Black together will be a disaster. Howard said Big Black isn't doing the show for some reason. Gary said he doesn't like to leave the house and it was getting to be too much for him. Howard said the guy clearly has a problem. Howard asked if he's done with the show for good. Jon said that they weren't even able to get a hold of him.
Jon said that JD has been asked to tweet for a celebrity. Jon said that they were asking JD to send out a Tweet to this person's fans and JD was considering it if they would help him get verified on Twitter. JD would have to hire the company and pay them to get that done though. The talks broke down after that.
Howard thanked Jon for the update. He said that's some beat he has. He said when you hear about High Pitch Mike and Joey Boots blowing each other you realize how much is going on behind the scenes. Howard said some of the reports are wild.
Gary said he was talking to Mike and Joey about this and found out what the whole argument started from. Gary said Joey got really upset with what Mike said and the war started.
Mike came in and told his side of the story. Mike and Joey don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so they were arguing about the whole Occupy Wall Street thing and Joey's service in the military and things like that.
Howard said Mike's Facebook page is the gayest page out there. He has so many gay things on his wall. Howard asked if he's having sex at all. Mike said he is. He said that he gets someone every once in a while. Joey said that Mike has to drop Howard's name to get guys.
Joey was saying that Mike doesn't believe he's a vet. Mike said that he doesn't deserve to get paid for the rest of his life, doing nothing, for the service he put in. Joey said he has like 10 jobs and he's not just sitting around doing nothing.
Joey said that Mike was telling a woman to get over it after she had a miscarriage when a cop beat her. Joey said she was at a peaceful protest and she didn't expect to get beat up.
Howard asked Mike if he takes it in the ass. Mike said he doesn't do that. He said he has given it though. Joey said that Mike jerks off to Justin Bieber's image. Mike said he isn't going to admit to doing that. He is just a few weeks away from 18 though.
Joey said that he's allowed to work and he has a bunch of jobs. Howard told him not to worry about it. Joey said that he has a great fucking life. Mike said that he goes down and harasses cops at Occupy Wall Street. He said it's no wonder they want to attack him. Howard said he might have to follow bothy of them on Twitter.
Mike told Howard about another thing Joey did where he was recording a 14 year old girl doing the splits in Times Square. Joey explained what he was doing there and said there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. Howard had to go to break a short time later. If you want to follow the drama Joey is @JoeyBoots and Mike is @highpitchmike.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard asked what happened to Lenny. Robin said he's got a new album coming out soon. Howard asked when the drop date is. Robin didn't know.
Howard said he had a tape of a guy who called 9-1-1 when his iPhone wasn't working. Howard said it's amazing how crazy people are. Howard played the clip and said the guy sounded a lot like Ass Napkin Ed. The guy told the 9-1-1 operator that his iPhone wasn't working and it has something to do with Apple. The operator sounded like she couldn't believe that he was calling them. She told him to just contact them (Apple). The operator asked if he needed the police or fire. He said he didn't. The guy said he was trying to dial his own phone. Howard said the guy must have been frustrated. Gary told them that if your phone service doesn't work the only thing that does work is 9-1-1.
Howard let it play and the guy just goes on and on. Howard said that there are 5 different calls and they all go on for over 2 minutes. He said they should hang the guy for wasting people's time. Robin said it sounds like he's not playing with a full deck.
Howard had Ass Napkin Ed on the phone and told him he sounds like that guy. Ed said that he has a few things to talk to him about. He said he likes it when Howard does the Roll Call thing. Howard said he needs the lyrics to that so they can all do it. Fred played the music bed for the Roll Call so Howard and Robin tried to do the Roll Call thing. Howard tried to get Ed involved in it but he forgot how to do it.
Howard said Ed sucks at it. Ed said he wanted to mention there's a Howard Stern fan party at Labellas on December 17th. He also said he has a porn star who wants to come on the show with him. Ed told him that her name is Jasmine Tame. Howard thought he said ''taint'' and he kept making the mistake on purpose. Ed kept correcting him. Howard said that Bobo is doing this with Dog the Bounty Hunter. Gary said that they've gotten at least 10 messages over the past few days from Bobo about that.
Howard played some of Bobo's messages. Bobo says he just wants to help out the show by booking the guy on the show. Bobo would also like to meet him if they have him on the show. Bobo said his wife wants to meet him too. Howard said he would like to meet Mrs. Bobo. He said that no one cares about Dog the Bounty Hunter. Bobo does though. Howard said that he only has people on the show who he's interested in. Gary said that he's in a bad position now because Dog is waiting to find out when he's on the show.
Howard saw a picture of this Jasmine Tame chick and said that she's hot. Ed claims that she said that she'd fuck him if she gets on the show. Howard said she could book herself on the show. Ed told them not to let her do that. Howard said just to have her down there would be kind of boring.
Howard kept making the mistake with her last name and Ed kept getting mad at him for screwing it up. Howard kept doing it to piss Ed off. Ed asked if he could show up with her one day. Gary said no. He told him to just wait.
Ed said he saw someone jump in the river and kill themselves last night. He said it was pretty cool. Ed asked if they know of any churches that will give him hand outs. Howard said a lot of churches will do that. Ed said he's looking for money. Gary told him to get a job and they'll give him money there. Ed said he can't work. He said he gets paranoia and schizophrenia. Ed said he can't leave the house unless he's drunk or on his Xanax.
Howard said he went out to dinner with David Arquette last night and had some drinks just to rub it in. He said that he told David he was having one just for him.
Gary said that he gets shit from people for picking on the Wack Pack but he knows Ed can work. He said that he can figure out how to get a porn star on the show so he could work. Robin asked if he thinks that Big Black can work too. Gary said he can. Howard said that he could work security or something.
Gary said that Ed shouldn't interact with people. Ed said he was a security guard. He quit. He said it was pretty cool but it wasn't enough pay. Gary asked if he makes more money with assistance from the government. Ed said he gets about $800 a month with assistance. Gary said he's better off not working because he's making more money doing this.
Ed said he wanted to be a correctional officer and he passed the test and everything. Howard said he can't believe that. Howard said he passed everything but the psychological test. Howard wondered what he could have said to fail. Ed said he was laughing during the test. Howard said that sounds like a perfect prison guard to him. He said he'd love to get a hold of the test and ask Ed the questions on the air. Ed said that was 16 years ago so he doesn't remember what they were.
Ed said he was diagnosed officially in 2000 with the schizophrenia. He said that they told him that he was fucking with an ambulance or something. Howard said that he'd lock him up if he could.
Gary said that Shuli hired Ed for a minute so he was going to send him in to talk about that. Shuli came in and said that when they did Miserable Men they did a show at Caroline's. He said Ed asked to do a few minutes on stage. He said he told him not to get loaded before the show. He said that it was a big deal to do the show and he gave him that one rule. Shuli said an hour and a half before the show they were a block from there and Ed was sleeping on the sidewalk on 49th street. He said he was annihilated. Ed said he was taking a nap.
Howard asked why it would matter if he was drunk. Shuli said he was funny on the show when he'd write jokes for them. Ed said he had some new jokes. He told one about lottery tickets that didn't make any sense. Howard said he was laughing though. Ed said he loves it when the weather man says this is ''your weekend weather'' like he's going on vacation or something. Fred played crickets. Ed said that he hates when they do the year in review thing on shows because it's like ''where have I been.''
Ed told some more jokes and laughed at them like they were funny. Howard was laughing at them but not because they were funny. He was laughing at Ed laughing at his own joke.
Shuli said Ed is going to come down and do an open mic contest and Debbie the Pet Lady is going to be there too. He said he thinks they should do their thing together. Howard asked Ed if he writes these things down or memorizes them. Ed said he has to write them down and read them.
Ed asked why you have to run away to join the circus and not just join it. Howard said that's actually a good one. Shuli said there is potential there. Ed had a couple that were kind of funny. He had one where he asked who smelled Limburger cheese and said ''I gotta have that.'' Howard said that was okay.
Ed also said that he'd like to grow a retarded clone and use it for spare parts. Howard said he thinks that maybe Ed is the retarded clone and he's being used for parts. Howard said that's what he'd like to believe.
Ed had a few more jokes. One of them sounded like one of Jackie's jokes. Ed's jokes were more like questions and not so much jokes. Ed said he should get his own hour radio show. He said he should give him a chance. Howard said maybe he should. Shuli said they could call it ''The Punchline Hunt'' because they'll be searching for his punch lines. Howard said he might have to do that. He told Ed they'll get back to him about the porn star chick. Ed told him ''8 19'' as he was getting off the phone. Howard asked what that means again. Shuli said that the 8 is for He and 19 is for S in the alphabet. Howard asked why he can't just say ''H.S.'' Shuli said Ed is one of a kind.
Shuli said he has to get Howard the tape of Ed doing his time on stage at Caroline's. He said that he was sleeping next to the stage when it was time for him to go up and they woke him up with his introduction. He said that the only four people laughing were the 4 guys from Miserable Men.
Howard said that's too much. He said he had to take another break before Richard Lewis comes in. Robin said she hasn't seen him in a long time. She said she has seen him on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' though. Howard said he likes Richard. Robin didn't think he really did. Howard said he does though. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about Ozzy for a few seconds. Then he had Richard Lewis come in. Howard said he's an old friend of the show and he's a famous comedian. Howard said he's been in the business for a million years. Richard said hi to Fred, calling him Jackie. Richard said that he gets a ton of ads from Jackie about his ''cunt tour'' or something.
Richard said he has to get this out of the way. He said that he's @TheRichardLewis on Twitter. He said he just started so he only has like 29,000 followers. Richard said he wants to talk about how Beth wants to have a child. He said she called him about that. Howard said she probably did call him. Richard said that Howard has the best ear and nose for comedy. He said that he would be great on America's Got Talent. Howard said he thinks he would be too. Howard said Richard should go on there too.
Howard said Richard should go on the show and do his stand-up. Richard said he doesn't do stand-up. He said he actually is going to be at Caroline's this weekend.
Richard said he's going to try and memorize his stuff for this weekend. Howard said he used to do a show where he'd have notes of material. Richard said he has done that everywhere. He said he wanted to do a new show every night and that's why he did that. Richard said that he was told that he was doing shows that looked like a work in progress so it drove him nuts. Richard said he just looks at his notes before the shows now.
Howard said it must be hard to memorize all of this material. Richard said he wanted to do a new show every night so that's why he did the notes thing. He said he has a lot of notes that he prints out now and he'll just lay in bed and read it and read it and whatever strikes him he'll go with. Howard said he figured that he'd craft his stuff and work it out ahead of time. Richard said Howard doesn't do that. Howard said he works spontaneously. Richard said he does too.
Richard said he would never go on and do a crafted set anymore. He said a lot of people do that but he's doing this for himself. He said that he'd get bored if he memorized an act. He said that he's doing these shows this week and he has no idea what he'll be doing for those 5 shows. Richard said he needs to be anxious and that's what drives him.
Howard said he should memorize his act. Richard said he did that for 35 years. He said he's not going to do that. Howard said his life would be so much easier if he memorized it. Richard said he'd quit if he did that.
Richard said he'll be doing the Craig Ferguson show in a few weeks. He said that Craig ad-libs most of his show. He said that Craig rips up the cards they have for notes on his desk. He said it's incredible. Howard asked when he was last on Letterman. Richard said it was probably a year ago. He said shows have changed and they don't do the talk show kind of thing with comics anymore. He said he doesn't give a shit though.
Howard asked if he's friendly with Dave. Richard said he took Dave out for a meal in 1977 and that was it. He said David was a big fan and he told him he could come on any time he wanted to. He wanted him to panel on the show. He liked his moving around but he told him he'd never have to do stand-up on the show.
Howard asked Richard about doing that TV show with Jamie Lee Curtis. He said it was a big show. Richard said the show was big and they got screwed out of a 5th season. He said they were 7 shy of that 100 that they needed for syndication. He said he showed up to the set and this new person had come in at 20th who said that they were going to do another 22 episodes. Richard said they didn't call him or Jamie that they were breaking down the stage for a new show. Richard said that the new President of FOX called ABC and said she didn't want to do the show another year. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about. He said if the show is a hit they don't just cancel it. Richard said they were following Roseanne and they were doing fine. He said that they didn't even tell them that they were canceled. He said it devastated him and Jamie. He said he did more drugs after that and he ended up getting his life together after that.
Howard asked Richard if he's friends with jay Leno. Richard said he's not but he'd do his show. He said that he'd do any of those shows. Richard said he loves coming on this show because he can talk about anything.
Richard said he and Howard used to talk for hours and hours in the old days. He said that he had nervous break downs on the show.
Howard said Richard hated his mother. Richard said she would tell him that everything he did was wrong. He said that she's dead now though. Richard said he got his first gig on the Tonight Show and he called his mother to tell her. He got sidetracked after that. Richard said he gets to see his nieces and nephews and he has trouble remembering their names. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to his mother. He said that she asked him who else was on the Tonight Show the night he was booked to do it. He said that he told her ''Mr. T... you fuck.'' Richard said that he tried to get approval and it never happened.
Richard said he quit therapy a year ago. He said he was sitting down talking to his therapist about his mother and the therapist went to sleep. Literally asleep. Richard said she fell asleep and snored. He said that he started to do a riff and told a story about taking it up the ass and she woke up in the middle of the story. Richard said he went back to her after she fell asleep. She said that she was tired. Richard said that it's best to go second or third on the day you go to therapy. Howard said he shouldn't have gone back to her after that.
Howard told Richard to stay on track. Richard said he needs that from Howard. Howard asked if it's true that Letterman would let him talk too much. He said Letterman would lose interest in him. He said Richard finally realized he had to let Dave talk a while. Richard said he learned that in his 30s. Richard said he would be asked what he wanted to talk to Dave about and he'd yell about what he wanted to talk about. Richard said Dave asked him what he wanted to talk about and then Dave would say ''I understand you were just in Maui...'' He said that's what they get out of the notes they take.
Richard said that Dave asked him about Hawaii and he had some funny things to say. Then Dave says to him ''I guess you're doing your Maui hunk.'' Richard said that takes away the spontaneity of the whole thing. He said he flipped out. Richard said he went back stage... and he got sidetracked again.
Howard asked Richard how old he is. Richard said he's 64. Howard asked if he still fucks. Richard said of course he does. Richard said he had to finish this story about Letterman. He said backstage after the Letterman show he went nuts. He said Dave heard it and everyone heard it. He said he got to his hotel and got a call from Dave's assistant. He said that Dave came in apologizing and saying what he did was so wrong. Richard said Dave admitted he was wrong. He said Dave knew comedy and that he shouldn't do that. Howard said Dave must have been angry at him. He said maybe Dave thought it wasn't that great.
Richard said he's going to be in Playboy magazine. He wrote an article about his dick. Howard asked him how often he's making love now. Richard said it depends on how he's feeling. He said that his wife will fuck on any day. He said that he met her at 45 and she still looks that young. He said she's 5 years younger than him. He said that she loves to fuck and she loves him. Richard said he's getting older so the libido is going down. Richard said that when you're younger you get really into it but when you're this age you start talking about what you need done in the house.
Richard said he still masturbates but he did it when his wife went out to lunch yesterday. He said he was nervous and had to relax.
Richard said that he was laying around one day thinking about some younger girls. He said that he has friends who tell him that the younger girls make them want to fuck and they couldn't live without them. Richard said there are some guys who need younger women to keep them energized. Richard said he doesn't need that.
Richard said he was thinking about how beautiful his wife is and he has a tremendous wife. He said he thinks about having sex with a younger woman and how hard it would be to talk to them. He said that he can still fuck like he's 20. He said he sees his body and he can't work out anymore so he's let it go. Richard said he's naked looking in the mirror and it's all flabby bullshit. He said he has to fuck with his t-shirt on. He said he can't even look at his own body when he's jerking off.
Richard said his wife was getting undressed and he's looking like Benjamin Button or something. Howard said Richard used to care about his body. Richard said that's long gone. He said he looked at his wife and said ''You know Joyce, I can't even imagine feeling comfortable in front of a 30 year old...'' He said that his wife looked at him and said ''What am I blind?'' so loud. He said she looked at his ass with her hand shaking and pointed it out. Richard said he hasn't looked at his ass so he looked at it and it had a thousand ripples in it like the Appalachian mountains. He said that she accepts this horrible looking body. He said she looked at his ass and started shaking and made up a song singing about it.
Howard said Richard used to be a womanizer and an alcoholic. He said he's really straightened up his life. Richard said he was doing more than that. Howard said he was a champagne drinker too. Richard said he still catches shit about that in the airport when someone sees him.
Howard asked Richard who he would bang if he could. Richard said he likes Scarlett Johansson and Sophia Loren in her prime. Howard said he liked Raquel Welch and Diane Lane. Richard said he likes Penelope Cruz too. Howard and Richard went back and forth talking about various stars.
Richard said that he's been friends with Ron Wood from the Rolling Stones for about 25 years now. Howard asked how close he is. Richard said that he comes over to his house. He said that Ron is always with younger women. He said that he's about the same age as he is. Howard asked if they're in their 20s and 30s. Richard said they are. Howard asked if he gets jealous. Richard said he has his women that he'd like to do but his wife has someone like Johnny Depp that she'd like to do. Howard asked if he'd let her do him. Richard said he'd blow his brains out if she did. He couldn't handle it.
Richard said that they got to see the Stones do a show in a really small club. He said that he got to watch them for 90 minutes. He said they walked out after the show and Johnny Depp was there. He said his wife saw him and as soon as she saw him she called her girlfriend to tell her that he was only 5 feet away. Richard said he likes the guy but he hates that his wife was that into him.
Howard said he went to a party where Brad Pitt was a guest. Howard said his wife wanted him to go say hi and he had no desire to go over and bother the guy. Robin said that he's a fan of the show and he should have gone over to say hello. Howard said they did say hello but they didn't spend much time talking.
Howard asked Richard what the Stones do when they do a closed door 90 minute thing. Richard said they'll work on their set list and things. He asked Howard if he read Keith's book. Howard said that book is despicable. Richard said he thought it was good. Howard said he'd be pissed if he was Mick Jagger. He said Keith didn't have to put it all out there and piss all over the guy. Richard said he thought the book was compelling but a lot of people feel the way Howard does. Howard said Keith Richards owes everything to Mick. He said that he can hurt the brand by doing that kind of thing.
Howard said Richard is a great comedian and he loves him. He said it's been a long time. Richard said he knows he pissed him off and he's glad he had him on. Richard asked him to put @TheRichardLewis on his web site. Howard said he'll do that. Richard said he needs people to follow him. He said he'd like them to tweet just once. Richard said he hopes to get up to at least 40,000 after this show. He said he'll feel good if he gets up to 50,000. Howard said that JD, Ronnie and Jason all have more followers than Richard does. He said maybe he shouldn't have gotten involved in that whole thing.
Richard said that you have to be careful what you write on there. He said that he gets yelled at if he gets political at all. He said that he may shut it down if he gets to 50,000. He said that he'd like Howard to help him get to 50 and then he'll see what happens. Howard said that the guy who patted down Richard in the hall has 40,000 more followers than Richard. Richard said if he can't get one more than his limo driver has then he's going to kill himself.
Howard said Richard is going to have to avoid reading Twitter. People will tell him he's tweeting too much or too little or whatever. Howard said he would hold off on tweeting for weeks and then tweet out two or three tweets and people will yell at him for doing it too much. He said he had to stop doing it. Richard said he'll see what happens if he gets to 50,000.
Gary said that they noticed that they already got 500 more followers for Richard just tweeting it out on theirs. Ronnie came in and said that he has 122,000 followers. He said he'll help Richard out. Richard said that's just not right that he has so many. Richard told Ronnie what his twitter account was and thanked him for helping. When Ronnie left he said ''fuck that... I need Howard to do it just once.'' Howard said he'll do it.
Howard asked Richard more about the private show with the Stones. Richard said they just hang out, it's not a show. Howard wrapped up and gave Richard some plugs for some appearances he's making. He mentioned one casino he was appearing at and even Richard didn't know how to pronounce it. They said their goodbye's and went to break a short time later.
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Jon ran down a few more things that they were going to cover today on Wrap Up. They talked more about Richard and a nervous breakdown he had on the show years ago. Howard said his mom called into the show and Richard ran off to the bathroom and had a break down. Gary said he saw Richard in the bathroom that day and he was really out of his mind. Howard said it was good radio and that's all they care about.
Jon had a couple more things before he wrapped up. Howard took a call from someone who had seen Beth on Good Morning America this morning. Howard said he forgot to mention that. The caller said she looked beautiful. He said she had the calendar and some adoptable animals with her. The caller said that the calendar looked great and he's going to order some to give out as gifts. Howard said the calendar was done to make money for a great organization. Howard said he doesn't get any money out of that. He said it's all for the North Shore Animal League.
Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go. Howard said he would have said something about her being on but he was so busy he forgot.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he knows Beth is going to be doing the Mom Caves thing and he wonders if he's worried about the time she's going top spend away from him. Howard said yes. He said he loves spending time with his wife and some guys don't. He said Beth's show got picked up and they're going to do a bunch. He said they do film in the tri-state area though so she won't be gone too much. He said that they discuss all of this together so they know what they're going to be doing.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they blew up Twitter today. He said he tried to get on after Howard asked them to follow Richard and it was over capacity. Howard said that Richard is a really neurotic guy and he needs those followers. Howard said he's a good guy and following him will be interesting.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard is the best guest ever. He said he's like a musician who doesn't want to do the same songs time after time. He said you don't hear that from a lot of comedians.
Another caller said that the interview was okay but he didn't think that Richard was all that funny. He said that he thinks Ass Napkin Ed's jokes are funnier. The caller also said that Benjy is a joke and he has to stop with him. He said that he won't even admit to having sex. Howard said he's much more interesting when he's being honest. He said he finds it interesting when he's being real. He hates when he starts joking about the whole thing.
Benjy said that a lot of times Howard thinks he's fucking around when he's really not. Fred said he's not sure they've ever seen the ''real Benjy.'' He said there is a glimmer of real humanity there. Fred said he thinks that he's very guarded.
Howard said he was confused by the caller who said he liked the Richard Lewis interview but he doesn't like Richard Lewis. Howard said he pays little attention to what other people think.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on Good Morning America. He said she was talking about spaying and neutering pets and he wanted to suggest that on the air with Howard. Howard said he'd usually yell at a caller like that but he's right. Howard said so many owners don't get it done and they're so irresponsible. Howard said that he really feels bad for bulldogs. He said that people are breeding these dogs and they're all fucked up. He said they have breathing problems and eye problems. They just breed them because they're cute. Howard said some people wanted to breed them so they don't have all of these problems but they don't want to do that. They want them to be cute. Howard said that would be like having humans breed to have a kid who has breathing problems, eye problems and skin conditions. He said it's like caring for a sick person the whole time you own the dog. Howard said their dog is 10 years old and they have kept it alive with medical treatment. Howard said he would never do it again. He said he won't even promote people getting bulldogs.
The caller thanked Howard for doing what he and Beth are doing. He said it's great that they have the calendar out and that it's going to a good cause.
Howard said the NY Times is a wonder to him. He said they are the 8th wonder of the world. They did a special report about bulldogs and the story was amazing. He said they're great. Howard said no matter where you live you should subscribe and read that paper. Howard said he likes other papers too but the NY Times is the standard.
Howard said FOX News makes it seem like if you read that paper then you're an asshole. Meanwhile they get all of their stories from the NY Times.
Robin started her news with a story about a French man who locked his son in a washing machine as a punishment and the child ended up dying. Howard was going to ask Fred some questions as the French man but he had just walked out of the studio.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about Red Peters music special that aired while they were away. Howard said people loved it.
Robin had some audio from one of the America's Got Talent winner who has a record deal. Howard said that guys like this won't get through if he's a judge on that show. Howard said the guy can sing like Frank Sinatra but that's not what they're looking for. Howard said the guy is a black guy so it's even more of a novelty act. He said that he has to ask if he'd go see the guy and he'd have to say no. Robin had Howard play some of his stuff. Howard laughed as he was singing Sinatra songs. Howard said he asked Howie Mandel how he let that guy through. He said Howie said he didn't support the guy that much. Howard said he hopes the guy sells millions but he doesn't get it. He said it just won't happen if he's a judge on that show. He said no nonsense will occur if he is a judge.
Robin told Howard she watched Gone with the Wind over the vacation and said that it's the craziest thing she's ever seen. She told Howard about some of the wacky scenes and stories in the movie. Howard said that's going to take several more hundred years to get over that slavery shit. Howard said they should have a group viewing of that movie. He and Robin were doing impressions of the characters in the movie and goofing around with that for a few minutes. Howard said the only thing crazier is people paying $35 to see Scott the Engineer.
Robin said they're going to be looking for a new Batman. Howard said that he thinks that Dexter is the new Batman. Howard said the guy kills the bad guys. He said that guy is great. Robin said he does have his super powers. Howard said he likes the show because he has super powers like that. Robin said that Christian Bale has said he is done playing Batman. Howard wondered why he's done. Robin said he apparently needs to move on.
Howard said Michael Keaton moved on after playing Batman and no one hears from him anymore. He jokingly said that he heard from Keaton who wanted to be on America's Got Talent. He said he was just joking about that though. He hasn't heard from Keaton. Robin mentioned a bunch of stars they could get to play Batman.
Robin read about how J.R. Martino from Dancing with the Stars is going to be the grand Marshall of some parade. Howard said that Rikki Lake was tremendous and she was ripped off. Howard said it's a joke that she came in third. Howard said that J.R. is a great role model and a good dancer though. He said that people can learn a lot from him. Howard said he hasn't learned a thing. Howard said he does have in common that he looks like he was blown up in Iraq. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and kicked Will and Gary out of the studio again. They were asking about a guest and Howard said he has to get back to them on it. Howard said it could be an interesting guest. Gary said he's going to ask Robin about it after the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had a ventriloquist on America's Got Talent and he got a $100 million contract. Howard said he has to look into that because he hasn't heard anything about the guy since then. Howard said the guy was talented though. He said that Jackie Ivanco was talented too and she didn't win. Howard said if he's on that show, none of that nonsense is going to happen.
Howard asked Fred and Robin if they even know the name of the ventriloquist who won. Fred knew it. He said it was Terry Fator. Howard said the guy can entertain people but his material could be better.
Robin read about another woman who has come forward to say that she had an affair with Herman Cain for 13 years. Howard said that Brad Pitt must be jealous of him at this point. Robin said that this woman wanted to tell her own story about her affair. She was getting a lot of phone calls from people about it. Howard said that Herman Cain made a message for Robin. He played a clip of an impersonator doing a Herman Cain voice talking about how he didn't know any of these women. Robin read more about the woman and what people are saying about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Terry Fator is incredible. He said he's not sure why Howard is saying he's not talented. Howard said he just said he had talent. He said he didn't say he wasn't talented. The caller said the guy is really good. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said there's going to be a lot of clamping down over there if he does go work for them on America's Got Talent. He said that there won't be any nonsense. He won't put through a guy who knocks over dominoes. Howard said they had a guy who jumps into a pool of water a foot deep and he doesn't die. Howard said that's the kind of thing you only go to see once. He could be in Cirque Du Soleil or something but not on his own. Howard said the rapper kid on X-Factor needs to grow up and get something going. He said that kid is just too young.
Robin said that a former ball boy from Syracuse University called the wife of the coach accused of molesting young boys and she revealed a lot of information. Robin said the wife said that he's 60 years old and he's not going to be rehabilitated. She knew the whole time what was going on. Robin said that he would lock her out of the basement and yell out that they were in their underwear and things when he was with young kids in the hot tub.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she tried to order a calendar this morning and it said it was unavailable. She said maybe they sold out. Howard said Beth went on Good Morning America to promote it today. He said that he had to sign the first 1000 calendars so he spent most of vacation signing them. Howard said he and Beth were both signing and he signs much faster than she does. He said Beth writes a whole message to these people. He said he had to ask her to move along. Fred told Howard that the ordering system is working fine. The caller said that she went through the same process and it didn't work for her. Howard told her to try again.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is for neutering retarded people like Wendy and Gary the Retard since he mentioned that during the bulldog discussion. Howard said he isn't for that. He said he's just saying that bulldog breeding is like breeding defective human beings. He said no one is going to do that. He said no one went out of their way to genetically engineer Wendy and Gary the Retard. Howard said Wendy shits her pants and eats it so how is she going to take care of a kid? Howard said there are people of normal intelligence who are horrible parents.
Robin said that Tyler Perry has written a letter to one of the victims in the Penn State sex scandal. Tyler says that he was molested as a child too. He applauds the young man for coming out about the whole thing. Howard asked Robin if she's going to write a letter too. Robin said she wrote a blog about how she did not tell about her molestation. Robin said she won't write a letter. Howard said maybe he'll write one instead.
Howard said he saw this J-Lo commercial where she drives in front of a graffiti wall and the artist who did the graffiti is now suing over it. Howard said the guy didn't have the right to paint on this wall so the law suit is crazy. Howard said this is why people want Tort reform.
Robin said that maybe he did have permission to do that graffiti. Howard said if you hang your art in public then you have to expect the public to use it.
Robin said that people are talking about Madonna today. Robin said that Guy Richie is saying he's much happier now that he's out of that marriage. Robin said they say that she's lost all of her friends too. Robin said they say that she got too flirty with Chris Martin and Gwyneth dumped her as a friend and then a bunch of other people did too. Robin said that a lot of people dumped her after Gwyneth dumped her. Howard said maybe they're closer to being friends with Madonna now.
Robin asked Howard if he liked the wedding gown in the Twilight movie. Howard said the whole thing was horrible. Robin said the dress has been copied and it's available for $700.
Robin read about a group of people who won a jackpot of $254 million. Howard said he's glad they won. He said they'll be able to go and relax now.
Robin said that a piece of John Lennon's scrap paper is being auctioned off. It's a to-do list of John's. It shows that he had a pretty mundane life. Howard wondered what it would sell for. Robin said they say it could go for a few thousand dollars.
Robin read about Daniel Radcliff being one of the best paid actors under 30. Robin said they say he has reportedly made more than $80 million in his career.
Howard said that he has realized how lame his to-do list is. He said that he should make some that he'd be proud of. He said that he should write ''Change the world, raise money for Africa, send $100 million check for cancer research, get a sex change, become the woman I know I can be...''
Robin said that they say that Black Friday and Cyber Monday were very good for merchants this year. Robin said they say that sales were up over last year.
Robin read about the new movie, Coriolanus, that's coming out. Robin had some audio of Gerard Butler talking about that. Robin had some audio of Ralph Fiennes talking about the movie as well. Howard said no one is going to go see this movie. He said they have to read the writing on the wall and see that Twilight just made millions. He said they have to put vampires in Shakespeare to make any money now.
Robin had some audio of an actor talking about another movie that's coming out. Howard said he's so glad that he's not into reading books. He said that it's trouble and you're out of the mainstream. Robin said she doesn't agree with that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:20am.
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Scott came in and said that it came up on the air so he talked about it. Gary said Scott was the one who brought it up. Scott said ''I did?'' Gary said he did.
Jon said that he did bring it up on the air. Scott said he didn't know it was going to come up. He said he brought it up as an example and he didn't know that was going to happen. Scott said he wasn't happy with the show and he expressed himself. Doug said he didn't say a word to anyone so he's not sure why he was upset with him.
Doug said they shot everything at the show and they put the special together after doing that. He said that everything was kind of naturally happening at the show. He said that it's just a goof and no one is trying to slam him or disparage him. Scott said it was just way over the top. Doug said that it was leaning toward Scott so that's what they went with. Doug said people were goofing on Ronnie too and that was in the show. He said they weren't picking on Scott. He said it was pretty much split 50/50 with Ronnie and Scott.
Gary said they have a huge tour coming up. They're going to be doing Seattle and Portland and Sacramento too. Doug said that he should keep doing what he's doing. He said that the deer in the headlights look is working. Scott said he wanted to do some improv and if it's stupid, it's stupid.
Jon asked what he means by improv. Scott went on and on about what he found wrong with that special. He said it can get to him sometimes. Jon asked why he continues to do the Block Party then. Scott said it's extra money.
Shuli said that if he went to the show as a fan he'd want to see Ronnie and Scott from the show. He doesn't want to see them doing bits.
Gary asked Shuli if he ever thought Scott would be the break out star from the show. Shuli said he wanted to help the guys make some extra money and he wanted to do the block party. He said it was a simple thing when it began.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks he is an entertainer that people haven't picked up on. Scott said he hosted parties for years and years. He said his DJ business was pretty successful for years. He said he thinks he did pretty good with that. Scott said he can't go out and do a solo act but he also doesn't want to be a buffoon.
Shuli said they were doing a show once and Scott was using his phone to play the music. He called Scott to see if he could get through to his phone and he was able to do it. He ended up being on the PA system at the show when he called his phone. They had to go to break after that.
Benjy said he wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. He said he thought he might think it was him. Gary said no one has made that mistake before. Jason said that he had left the studio shocked that he got it wrong.
Jon asked Gary about the break down Richard had at K-Rock. Gary said he remembers seeing him and he'd never seen a grown up have a break down like that. He said that he had a mental meltdown and it freaked him out. Jon asked if he knew what kind of effect his mother had on him. Gary said he had no idea. Jon said that everyone has mother issues but some worse than others. Gary said that Richard talked about the shrink thing and how he's still talking about his mother at 63 years old.
Jon said that Jason must relate to the mother issues. Jason said he could relate to that very well. He said that it's still great hearing those stories. He said that she's dead and buried and he still can't say a good word about her. Benjy said he thought it was an act and it was a loving relationship.
Jason said that he remembers Richard going out with the notes on stage. He said he thought that was kind of cool. He said that he had it on this paper that was like Parchment paper and it was kind of cool.
Gary said he had mother issues but she had her own issues. He said that he didn't have the same kind of issues that Richard and Jason had. Jason said his mother is very critical but she has said some nice things too. He can't say she's never said a nice thing.
Jon asked Scott if he has mother issues. Scott said his mother was very supportive. He said that from birth to 10 years old he was pretty much perfect. Then his mother told him that their family had the black cloud following them around. Scott said as he got older she did less mothering. He said it was like ''that's enough already.'' Scott said that his mother didn't sit him down and say that they had a cloud. He said she would just say that the family had a black cloud around them whenever something went wrong.
Benjy said his mother is very encouraging and loving. He said that she does get mad at him all the time.
Shuli said his mother doesn't bullshit. He said that she gives it to you straight. He said one night when he was living at home he threw on some internet porn and she walked into his room and just shut the door. He said she came back 5 minutes later and said ''What is wrong with you... you need some help.''
Gary said his mom caught him fucking around with chicks and she'd just go back to her room. He said she wasn't looking for confrontation.
Jason said that his mom never texts him but this morning she must have heard something and texted him about how much she loves him. He said that's nice to hear but he doesn't trust anything he hears. He said he's not supposed to talk about her on the air though. He stopped himself from saying any more. Jason said he's not sure if he would have gotten the same text if she didn't hear the Richard Lewis thing. Jon asked if he thinks she was doing a preemptive strike. Jason said he's assuming so. He said he doesn't know if she was listening to the Richard Lewis interview or not. He was just assuming. Jon said they all love Jason's mom but they have to take a break.
Scott said that his mom didn't like him being made fun of. He said that she knew that he had done things on the show that weren't very nice. Jason said that picture of Scott walking around in bra and panties out on the street is the saddest thing ever.
Jon asked Gary if his mom was proud of him being on the show. Gary said she was. He said that his mom wanted to be famous. He said that she loved that he was famous and it would rub off on her. He said that she'd introduce him to people. He said that his mom saw an ad in the paper to be an extra in a movie and she had to send in a head shot. He said the only picture she had was one of herself with him in a picture so she sent that in. Gary said Howard thought that was so sad.
Gary said that his mother ended up sitting down with him while he was signing books once and people were asking who she was. He said she'd brag that she was his mother.
Jon asked Jason if his parents are happy that he's on the show. Jason said they don't mind it at all. He said that it's actually kind of backfired on him. He said that he says obnoxious things and they call him a big shot now.
Jon asked Benjy if he will say no to anything Elisa asks him to do. Benjy said all of the stuff he's doing is fun and maybe there is a line. He said that there are things he won't do. He won't pierce his ears. He won't get a tattoo either. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Sirius XM and how he's not sure if it's one or two companies. Howard said he'd like to make an announcement. He said they're still looking for the Hottest Chick married to the Oldest Fart. He said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. He said he forgot to mention that yesterday.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if someone asked if she ever sees ''Howie.'' Robin said that she told this person that she sees him every day. Robin said this person has been trying to get a CD to Howard. Howard asked who calls him Howie. Robin said it's someone at his agent's office. Howard knew who it was. Howard asked her to throw the CD in the garbage. Howard said he doesn't want it. Robin asked what she's supposed to do. Howard said he doesn't give two fucks about the CD. He told her to tell the person to tell him that Howie says ''learn how to read people.''
Robin said she doesn't know what to do with it now. Howard said that he hates the name ''Howie'' and he doesn't want anything to do with that CD. Howard said Robin should be able to have her meeting in peace without the intrusion. Howard told her to throw it in the garbage. He said so many people give him their garbage and he'll let it sit on his desk for weeks before throwing it away.
Howard said that Herman Cain sent over another message for them. He played the clip and it was an impersonator saying he had an exclusive for the show. Herman said he had a 12 year affair with Robin Quivers and she was the inspiration for one of the desserts at his restaurants. It was Blumpkin Pie that she inspired.
Howard said that was shocking to him but there was a sentence in the article about his fans and how Michael had a personal magician. Howard said he was a true genius. He said he was a genius of living, not as a performer. Howard said the guy was very odd. He said he disfigured himself changing his face. Robin said he kept doing it too.
Howard said he went to the eye doctor and he his prescription changed. He said he has bi-focals going on now and he can't really see out of them. It turns out the prescription changed. He said he didn't have to get his pupils dilated. Robin said she has always had that done. Howard said he got dilated years ago and he passed out in the chair. He said he panicked and felt out of control after that. Howard said he's glad he found this guy who does the machine thing. Howard said that the doctor told him that some people do pass out because of those dilated pupils and it can be really scary.
Howard read about how Piers Morgan had the lowest ratings so far with his CNN show. Howard said he may have quit the wrong show. He said he must think he's a news man. He said he told Piers that this wasn't going to work and Piers thought he was joking. Howard said he wasn't joking. He said that Piers quit America's Got Talent but he was doing really well with that show.
Howard said a lot of it isn't Piers fault. He said there are a lot of cable news shows and they're opinion based shows. He said Piers does a long form show and it's hard to be successful when everyone else is screaming and yelling and doing the other stuff. He said Piers may have to change the format of the show.
Howard said he likes Bill O'Reilly always yelling even if he doesn't like his opinion sometimes. He said that might be what Piers will have to do.
Robin told Howard about how the FCC came down on AT&T and isn't sure the merger is going to be good for the people. She said she was glad to see that.
Howard read some more email from someone who talked about how great Howard is at treating people with integrity. The writer was a teacher who said they use Howard as an example of integrity when teaching his students.
Howard said he was watching the Lady Gaga Thanksgiving special and they had Tony Bennett saying that she was the most creative and inventive person he's met. He said it sucks when you have to put something like that on your own show and you don't hear it somewhere else.
Howard read some email about High Pitch Mike who caught a lot of shit from fans who were are in the military. Howard said he thought it was kind of insulting to say what he said. He said Mike wasn't listening to him when he tried to talk to him though.
Howard said Joey Boots served in the military and Mike said that he was just a cook but everyone in the military is risking their life for this country.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they're putting these shows up on the web site first. Howard said that's very nice. Howard said that Rachel will be asking people questions for this show.
Howard wondered how Sal became a stockbroker not knowing math like that. Howard said he's not good at math himself but Sal should have been. Sal said he studied very hard and got an 86 on his test. Sal said that he thinks that his 40/65 was a joke. Sal said that he was trying to say that 70 percent made it through and then said that 40 percent didn't make it through. Howard said he's just off. Sal then said that he was trying to figure it out in his head and it didn't come out right. Sal said he was thinking about two different things and didn't fix the differences when he said what he said. He said he does know how to do math.
Howard asked Sal how his marriage is going. Sal said it's fine. Howard said he could fix it in a few seconds but Sal wouldn't be able to pull it off. Howard said Sal doesn't understand what his wife doesn't like about him. He said she'd be madly in love with him if he had his brain. Sal said he's right about that.
Sal said that he made a simple mistake with his math. Howard said he wouldn't have known that he screwed up if Rachel didn't tell him he was wrong. Sal said he fixed it in his head, he just didn't get it out.
Howard asked Sal what neither makes it through or doesn't make it on. Sal said that's the same thing. Howard had Sal all confused.
Sal told Howard he had one of their more recent calls that he liked. Howard said they bum out when he doesn't play their stuff. Gary said that he told them about the stuff he just rejected. Howard said he's rejected a few lately and they're all confused about it. Howard said that Sal and Richard told Gary that they were working on this one call for 3 years. Howard said he listened to it and it wasn't up to the standards of the show. He said it was a funny idea that just didn't work. He said Gary had to go tell the boys and that conversation is just tedious. Howard said Richard says he doesn't understand. Gary said they should tape those conversations.
Gary said that Sal usually gets more pouty than Richard. Richard just pretends he didn't hear what he just said. Howard said in this one Blue Iris calls a store looking for balls and the woman just hangs up the phone. She had the appropriate reaction.
Howard said the woman on the phone just said that they didn't have these things she was asking for and she hung up. Sal said they took those clips for 3 years in a row and made those calls.
Howard said he'll play the call but he did reject it. He said that they love everything they do. In this call they called a store using Blue Iris audio clips. She says she's looking for Christmas balls in black. The woman on the phone says she doesn't have black balls. Blue Iris asked to see the balls and then asked if they have hairy balls. The woman said that they don't have them. Blue asked for Saggy balls. The woman got offended and hung up eventually. They called back and tried again but the woman just hung up again.
Howard said that this didn't work. Sal was cracking up during the call. Sal said Benjy was laughing too. Howard said the call doesn't work. He said he admires he put in 3 years on it. He said that the ball joke is a long stretch as it is. Howard said her reaction was normal. She just hung up. Sal said they've made thousands of calls with that premise. He said he thought it was a nice tribute to Blue Iris too. Howard said it is but it didn't work.
Howard said that Richard must know that it's not working and he should tell Sal that. Richard said they took months to make the Langford and Sour Shoes calls. Howard said that worked though. Fred said he was trying to like the call but the squawky voice with the woman didn't work either. He said he was sort of moved when the woman said ''Jesus'' during the call. He said it didn't really work though.
Howard said that it's like photography. He said if you show someone all of your pictures they'll eventually see that you're not that great. You only show people your best work. He said he's trying to save Sal and Richard. Howard said the reason they're geniuses is because he's a genius. He knows what to play for people. Richard was about to argue but Howard cut him off.
Howard said he's trying to make them look like geniuses. Richard said he doesn't want Howard thinking they're not working so they'll turn in something that's mediocre. Howard said that they should turn it in when it works. Richard said they just want him to know that they're working back there.
Howard said if they were dying laughing listening to that call then there's something wrong with them. Sal and Richard said they were having a great time with those calls and they were dying laughing.
Howard said there are great photographers out there who don't show every picture they took because they had some shitty stuff. He said these guys shouldn't be showing all of their work.
Richard said they turned in another call on Monday they thought was good. He said they turned in a Traido call where Sal is digging through a purse for stolen items. Howard said it didn't work. He said it was horrible. Howard said he's not taking anything away from them.
Howard said that they should only go with their home runs. He said he's going to play this one and it's going to diminish their reputation. Richard said that they just want him to know they're working. Howard said he knows they're working.
Gary asked if they think this one is actually funny or is this one just to show Howard they're working. Richard said that he thinks it's funny. Howard said that Richard is the brains of the outfit too. He said that Richard knows 60/40 unlike Sal. Richard was arguing that Eddie Murphy had some great movies in his career. Gary said that's true but his son hates him because of the shitty movies he's put out.
Howard played the call and said that he rejected this one. Howard said ''here's their crap...'' In this one they call a Swap Shop show and Sal is huffing like he's out of breath. He was hard to understand as he was telling the guy what he had to sell. Then his phone got cut off. He calls back in and gets cut off. Richard calls in as the woman whose purse Sal had stolen. ''She'' said that she wasn't going to take it lying down. They hung up on Richard. Sal called in with police sirens behind him and Richard pretending to beat him.
Howard said he rejected that bit. He said that the guy at the end was so flustered that he played the wrong clips. Howard said no one was laughing but Sal and Richard. Howard said that Sal becomes a black guy when he's a thief. Sal said he's just doing a character.
Howard said he has to finish this lecture. He said that the reason they work there is because he likes them. He said they're funny guys. Howard said when they give him the shitty material that's fine but when he rejects it they have to understand why. Howard said the show has integrity and the calls just weren't funny. He said if someone says it was funny then they're full of shit. Howard said if they get any positive notes about it then they're probably from Sal and Richard.
Howard said there's a guy by the name of Scott Kelby who does lectures about photography. He tells you to show the stuff that's great and people will think you're a great photographer. Robin said that's the point of editing. She said they should only show their gems.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the boys should be separated now. Howard said he might be right. He said maybe they should be separated. Richard said he'd be heart broken if they did that. Robin said if they come in there with one more bad bit they might have to. Richard said they had some good ones recently. Howard said he airs the good ones. Howard said they don't have to fight him so hard on this. He said he knows better than they do. Howard said he must know what the fuck he's doing if they want him as a judge on America's Got Talent. He's not out to get them because they're his team.
Robin said they should turn in less crap. Howard said she's right. Howard said if they have something that they're on the fence about then just play it for him and he'll let them know.
Howard took another call and the guy said that they argue the same thing every time they get called out on this stuff. Howard said sometimes the boss knows what he's talking about. He said he has some credibility. He said he's trying to make them look like heroes. Howard said the audience will love them if he takes all of their shit out. Howard said he's not doing this to bust their balls. Sal said they know that. Howard said he doesn't think they do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the phony phone call thing is played out. He said that they should be writing and performing bits. Howard said that the phony phone call thing will never get old. He said they just have to pick the good ones. Richard said they do other things like games. It's not just calls.
Howard told the guys to go back to their room and come up with some new stuff. Robin said they need to edit themselves. Sal said they do. Richard said that Blue Iris call was like 5 minutes long and they cut it down. Howard said that if they edit themselves he's never going to hear anything.
Howard said maybe Richard should become the black guy and Sal should be the woman. Sal said they'll try that. Sal asked if they could go out on a high note and play a good call. Howard said he played two bad ones already and he's not going to do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard treated him very well when he met him at a book signing. He said he was like the millionth guy in line but Howard treated him like he was the first. Howard said that he had to sign 1000 calendars recently and he thought about all of those autographs and wondered how he did it. Howard said he thought about it and figured it was because the people were supporting his career and he had to go through with it.
Anther caller said he liked the second rejected call. He thought it was hilarious. The guy also said that he thinks they should do the Ass Napkin Ed show. Howard said he's going to think about that.
Howard said there are people who don't think he should let Angry Black have a show so he's going to have to see what goes on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Patrice O'Neal died yesterday and they played his interview recently in a replay. Howard said Patrice was 41 and a diabetic. He said that he heard some of his comedy routines and thought he was really funny. He said they had him on the show and he as great. Howard said he would tell great stories about going to Brazil and getting hookers and stuff. Howard said the guy was very funny and he was a good guest.
Howard said that Patrice was offended by something he said on the show. He forgot his name and asked Robin who the fat black comedian was and Robin told him it was Patrice. Howard said he got so offended that he didn't remember his name that he never came back on the show. Howard said when you're on the radio for 4 hours at a time he can't remember everything. Howard said the guy was only on the show a couple of times and he wasn't on the top of his brain. Howard said that comics are very sensitive and he felt bad about that whole thing.
Howard said Patrice stopped doing the show completely. He said he wished that he had come on more. He said he was a great guest on the show. He said that he's sorry to hear about him dying. He was a great comic and a great guy. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Lisa G come in what her news preview. Lisa said they have the continuing story about Benjy and Elisa Jordana. Lisa said that Maryann Garvey has said that he may end up wearing a burka soon if he keeps doing what she says. Howard said that he's wearing heels now to make him taller. Benjy said he's been wearing them for a while now. Howard said Benjy is doing what he can to keep this girl interested.
Howard said he's done with this story anyway. He said that he doesn't want to hear anymore about it. Lisa said that's fine with her. Howard said he's bored with the story. He said he wants to move on.
Lisa said that they spoke to John Strauss who is an Executive Producer for ''In Plain Sight'' and he's having issues with Eric the Midget. Howard said that this guy is great and he's sorry he got involved in this whole thing. Howard said Eric is now sending long emails to this guy talking about all of his problems with Johnny Fratto. He said he's got long emails about his oxygen tank and all of this stuff. Then Johnny spoke to Eric and Eric told Johnny to get off his ass and start working. Howard said this guy John is sorry he got involved in the whole thing.
Howard asked Gary what else is going on with that. Gary said Howard had it all. He said that Eric has been going off on Johnny and all of that. Lisa said the good thing is that the part Eric will be playing is an angry landlord so he should be able to play the part. Lisa said they are working with Eric to get this done though.
Lisa said they have a story about a reporter on FOX 5 who was ''Baba Booey'd'' and he spoke to them about what it was like. He knew it would happen to him eventually since he is a fan. He thinks that he's a real New Yorker now.
Howard said Jason separated from his wife a couple of months ago. Jason said that he really loves his wife. Howard said he admires that Jason went to his wife and told her that he had such desire for other women that he'd rather divorce her than cheat on her. Jason said he loves her in-laws too. He said that they've taught him how to raise his kids and be a father. He said he ruins everything.
Howard said that Jason went into hypnotherapy and figured that his grandfather may have raped him. Then he found out that his own father raped him. He asked him what that was like. Jason said he says ''molested'' and not ''raped.'' Jason said that his father was his idol though. He said that he did therapy and figured out that this happened when he was about four.
Jason said that he took acid at 17 and he told his girlfriend that he was molested and his mom knew about it and told them that it wasn't his dad, it was their next door neighbor. Jason said that his father was his idol and it's weird to talk about him like that. Jason said his dad once asked him if he thought he was molested by him. He said he told him no and walked off. His dad never said anything about it after that. He said if he was innocent he would have asked him who it was that molested him and gone after him. Jason said that his dad would have killed the neighbor if he had molested him.
Jason said he thinks his dad did this when he was 4 years old. He said he remembers being under the bed and holding on to the bed and his dad coming into the room with a flashlight. He said that he remembers a few instances when he'd come around and he'd be terrified. Jason said that he was 20 when he was born and he did some crazy stuff as a young man.
Jason told Howard that his dad cheated all the time. He said he ended up sleeping with his step-mom's best friend when he was 17 and it turns out his dad did her too. Jason said he took a call in a night club once and this woman said she wanted to come pick him up. She came and got him and she fucked her and then fucked her friend.
Howard said it's amazing how much sex he was having. Jason said he was doing that and then he got his girlfriend pregnant. That's who he ended up marrying.
Howard asked Jason about telling his wife he wanted to leave her so he wouldn't cheat on her. Jason said he had to go into rehab. He was drinking and doing a lot of stuff. He said there was a girl in his hotel room at the Hard Rock and she was snorting something. He said that she told him it was morphine and he figured it was heroin. He said he wasn't attracted to this girl at all and he didn't want a blow job from a girl who does heroin. He said she did it and then she left. He said he can't say no to anyone when it comes to sex and he doesn't feel good about it.
Howard asked Jason about going on this mad tear after leaving his wife. Jason said that he just wants a blow job and then wants the girl to leave. He said he doesn't go after the hot chicks because that would take more than one conversation. Robin said he's a sex addict. Howard said it does sound like that.
Jason said that he has never been able to make love because he doesn't love himself. He said that now that he's figured out the root of the problem, it's too late. He said that his wife has moved on. He said he knows she's seeing people. He said she's really hot too. He said he wants her back more than anything. Howard asked what she said. Jason said he doesn't want to get into that. He said that he fucked a fucking whale after leaving her and she knows that.
Howard asked how often he speaks to his life coach. Jason said it's a few times a day. He said he's really good friends with the guy. He said he doesn't have to pay him because he's an actual friend of his. He said that this guy has helped a lot. Howard asked if he can call this guy at 4 in the morning. Jason said it's good anytime.
Howard said that the last time Jason was on the show he was just about getting masturbated by George Takei. Jason said he was in a steam room the other day and a guy recognized him from the show. He said he didn't want to talk about the Takei thing in a steam room with naked guys.
Howard said George was stroking Jason's cock in the studio and Jason ended up going home and breaking up with his wife. Howard asked how long after that did he tell his wife. Jason said this was just 3 months ago that he broke it off. He said that he regretted it within the first week. He said he didn't have sex for a month. Jason said he would wake up wanting more. Howard said he was probably looking for attention. Jason said he was smoking weed constantly too.
Howard said Jason is a very honest guy. He said most guys don't admit to their wives that they have these feelings. Howard said that it's a good thing. Howard asked Jason about going to rehab and if they think being a sex addict is bullshit. Jason said that he told his story to everyone and there was no doubt. He said that there were people who were taking like 50 Oxycontin's and they were telling him he was fucked up.
Jason said that Dr. Drew set him up with the rehab thing. He said that Drew called him personally and helped him get into this place. He said that Drew is a good guy. Howard asked what they teach him in those two weeks he's there. Jason said they teach you the root of the problem. He said that he'd be really happy right now if he hadn't lost his wife. He said that the only thing that stops him from being happy is Andrea. He said that he understands why she won't take him back though. Jason said he knows how much it hurts.
Jason had a tattoo on his face so Howard asked about that. Jason said he's had that for about 8 months. He said it's Andrea's initial. He said that he has a tattoo on his back that represents how he wants to keep his family together. Howard said it's elephants though. Jason said that he's fighting to stay in the family.
Howard asked Jason if he's having sex at all now. Jason said he's not. He said he's on medication to help him sleep and stop from having panic attacks. Howard said maybe that's why Robin didn't recognize his personality yesterday. Jason said that he didn't think she'd even remember him. Robin said she was staring at his tattoo on his face. Howard said that's not going to work out very well when he meets the love of his life. Jason said he doesn't want to meet anyone else.
Howard asked Jason when he last had sex. Jason said it was like 6 weeks ago. Howard asked Jason if they told him not to have sex after rehab. Jason said they did tell him not to do it for at least two weeks. He said they taught him what the root of his problem was and he did have to fight off the urge to jerk off. He said the sex therapist helps him out with that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Jason if he likes this stuff because he's got so much crazy stuff going on in his life. Jason said of course he does. He said he's an attention seeker.
Howard asked if there's anything that he hasn't revealed from the past few months. Jason said he's not holding back. Howard asked if he's sure about that. Jason didn't know what he was holding back. Jason said that's the end of it. He said that Howard isn't that good of a therapist.
Howard said Jason is depressed. Jason said Tim Sabean gave him a hug and he hugged a little long. He said that he must have felt for him... unlike Robin who didn't even hug him.
Howard said he's going to go out and find another woman. Jason said he wants his wife back. Howard said he's going to do it again though. Jason said he is not going to do that again. Howard said if she lets him back in then he's going to see he can get away with that kind of behavior and he will do it again. Jason said he is a different person now. He said he won't do it again. He said the one person he has to forgive is himself.
Howard asked how long he'll wait. Jason said he'll wait a year or until she tells him that she's in love with someone else.
Howard gave Jason a plug for his show that airs on Faction channel 41. He took a call from a guy who said that maybe Robin should give Jason a blow job to make up for what she did. Jason said that he noticed that Robin's tits are so big that they make her look fat but she's not. He said he understands why she wears the clothes the way she does. Howard asked if Robin thinks he's cute. Robin said he is a cute guy. She didn't care about seeing his cock though.
Howard asked Jason if he's going to stop with the crazy stunts he does on his show. Jason said he's an entertainer so he can't stop that. Howard asked if his wife asked him to stop doing it, would he stop. Jason said he would do that for her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the questions about his father molesting him affect him viscerally. Jason said that this is all therapy for him. He said that it's not his fucking fault that this happened to him. Jason said that he had TV one day and saw the Penn State stuff going on. He said people were wondering why they couldn't just let the guy coach one more game. Jason said he got so pissed because he knows how fucked up those kids get from being molested. He said it's all bullshit and it's just a stupid game.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that his old lady sucks a mean penis. Jason laughed. The caller said he appreciates it. He said he's been out a couple times with his wife. Jason knew he was full of it.
Howard said Jason has a new TV show, Ellismania 7, and it's on Fuel TV tonight. Howard said they have fights on the show. Jason said they're comedy fights. He said some of them are more serious than others. Howard said they have Tranny's in the fight and one of them ends up puking in the ring. Jason said one of them is overweight and has massive tits. He said that at the end of the fight she spits out the mouth guard and then she just throws up. Jason said she fire hosed all over the place.
Jason said that they don't have a money prize. They have a belt that they win. Howard said they must look horrendous when they're out there with no make up on. Jason said they're very girly.
Howard said fighting isn't so easy and you get winded. Jason said that's how the whole thing started. He said he told people how hard fighting is. Jason said there are people who think they can fight and he has to make sure they're up for it before putting them in the ring. Jason said he was a pro fighter and he had an MMA fight once. He said that his wife made him stop doing that. Jason said he trained to do that fight and trained a lot. Jason said that his passion for skate boarding went into fighting once he gave up the boarding. Howard asked if he's strong. Jason said he can knock people out pretty easy and people have a hard time knocking him out.
Howard asked Jason about the MMA fights and what kinds of techniques he uses. Jason said this was a weird conversation since Howard doesn't usually ask about that stuff. Jason said that you need to know boxing, Ju Jitsu and some other stuff. He said you don't need to know Karate though. He said Karate is full of shit. He said there is a guy who is kind of a Karate guy but you can't just do Karate.
Howard asked if he could be a fighter. Jason said he's too old and he'd get his nose broken in days. He said that the whole thing is kind of disgusting too. He said guys will have ringworm and they'll rub that shit on you if you ask about it.
Howard said that they have a transgender competition in Ellismania 7. They also have Jason fighting in the special. Jason said he was out of shape for that fight. They have shock collar fights and musical chair fights and things like that. Jason said that he has one guy in the special who fought his sister in the ring. He said that he used to get beat up by his sister as a kid so he told him not to take that shit anymore. Jason said they have a lot of other fights going on in this Ellismania.
Howard said all of this stuff is kind of funny stuff. Jason said that it's all mayhem and it's funny. Howard said you can also check out Jason's band at DeathDeathDie.com. Howard played a little bit of one of their songs.
Howard said that he loves music. Jason said he does too but he hates the bullshit that Nickleback puts out. He said he means no disrespect but they keep putting out that shit.
Howard asked Jason about going on America's Got Talent. Jason said if Howard was a judge he would for sure be on that show. He said he doesn't believe that Howard would do that though.
Ham Hands Bill called in and said that he thinks that Jason should smell Sal and Richard's balls to trigger his memories. Howard asked Bill if he's a molester at all. Bill said that his record is clean. He said he's never molested anybody. Jason said he's not going to smell anyone's balls.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Jason is one of the best guests on the show other than George Takei. He said he just needs a clothing line and he'd be set. Jason said he actually has a clothing line. He's had that since before he was on radio.
Jason said he would never want to go on in the mornings like Howard. Howard said that he made the biggest mistake by not doing the show at a later time. Howard said they repeat the show all day so he doesn't need to get up at 4 in the morning. The caller said he likes hearing the show live. Howard said that's what people say.
Jason said he has a book coming out and he thanks Howard in it. He said he saw how much fun Howard was having doing it and that got him into it. Jason said he's not going to thank Robin. Robin said ''F- you... what did I ever do to you?'' Then Jason thanked Fred too.
Howard gave Jason some more plugs for his show and his web site. He said he hopes he gets his wife back and doesn't fuck it all up. Jason said he's going to be in therapy the rest of his life. He said the worst case is that he'll be happy and be a good father. Howard imagined Jason with Scarlett Johansson or someone like that. He said that he'll fuck that relationship up too. Jason said that sounds really romantic.
Fred kept playing clips of Robin saying ''Fuck my tight little pussy'' and things like that. Jason told her to stop it. Robin said her lisp weren't moving. Jason said she's lying about that.
Howard told Jason to get that tattoo removed from his face. Jason said he needs his kids to see that their mother is the only one he's interested in. Howard asked when the last time was he got a new tattoo. Jason showed him one. He said he had a biker gang and he got that one like 4 months ago. He said he gets them all the time. Howard told him to stop with the tattoos. Robin said she doesn't think he'll mess up his looks. Jason said ''Thank you... go fuck yourself?'' They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he doesn't watch the network news anymore. He said he'd just get rid of the news department if he was running a network. Howard said everyone has cable now. He said this clip blew his mind. He said last night on NBC news their fire alarm went off. He said it's usually a test. Howard said the alarm was going off in their studio and you could hear it. Howard said in their studio they get a visual when the alarms go off. He said their lights go out. Howard said that he can't believe that NBC doesn't have that.
Howard played the clip where Brian Williams was doing a report and the alarm went off. Howard said that the alarm speaks to you and you can't even understand what it's saying. Robin said she'd never know if they had a real alarm going off there.
Howard played more of the clip and Brian Williams kept going with his report as the alarm was going off behind him. Howard said he was trying to be professional but he had to keep talking louder and louder. Then the alarm starts getting even more annoying and a siren goes off.
Howard said he took a dump there at work yesterday and had his baby wipes in his pocket. He said he's not sure how people make a doody without them. Robin said she's had to do that. She said she just uses paper since that's what she's stuck with. Howard said it only happens to him once in a while. He said yesterday it felt like he had more coming and it didn't. He said he had to stay there.
Howard played more of the NBC clip but there was just a few seconds left. He got back to his shit talk and said that he doesn't know why the shit started again after he took his initial dump.
Howard said the alarm on NBC went off during their whole newscast. He played another clip where another reporter was doing a report and the alarm came back on. Brian Williams came back on and the alarm was just making a constant beep as he was doing his report. He had to go to break because the alarm wasn't shutting off.
Howard said the alarms go off for a really long time and they can't be stopped . Howard played another clip where Williams came back from the break and the constant tone was still going off behind him. Howard said he'd just get up and leave if that was happening to him. The tone stopped but then they come back after another report and the tone is playing again. Howard said he can't believe they don't have a plan for that.
Howard said he had a clip of Mary J Blige at the American Music Awards and the reporter is interviewing her and she's talking and the guy just cuts her off mid-sentence saying that they're looking forward to hearing her new stuff. Howard said she must love to talk. Howard said TV is so great because they just cut you off in the middle of talking to keep on schedule.
Howard talked about the characters on the comedy and how they fit into the show. Howard said he was trying to remember how Marilyn was in the family. He couldn't remember how she was brought in. Howard said that maybe in the drama she finds out that her baby is retarded and she's not sure if she should abort it. Robin said maybe Eddie has to come out of the closet in the drama.
Robin told Howard they're remaking Scarface too. Howard said he loved that movie and can't imagine remaking that. He said he saw it when he was a young kid and loved it but his sister hated it.
Isaac said that he has had a Jewish education since he was a kid. Howard said he wasted hours on that. He should have been playing guitar. Howard said Isaac said to him yesterday that there has to be an Abraham and he found it hard to believe he didn't believe in that. Isaac asked what he believes in. Howard said he believes in himself. Howard said he doesn't know what happens when you die and neither does Isaac. He said that anyone who says they do know is full of shit.
Isaac said you need to have some direction in life. He told Howard about how God created the animals and how Noah saved them on his ark. Howard asked if he really believes that. Isaac said of course he does. Howard asked Isaac more questions about his beliefs and about Scientology.
Howard asked Isaac what he can do for him. Isaac asked Howard the questions he had written for Howard. Howard said this fucking guy irritates him. Isaac asked who the three patriarchs are. Howard didn't know and said he really has to go. He said he has extensive knowledge of religion and after studying it for years he came to the conclusion that it's a huge waste of his time.
Isaac asked if he could give him one more question. He asked which of the four food items was kosher to eat. He gave him Lobster Bisque, Chicken Parmesan, Clam Chowder Soup, Venison. Howard said that it's the venison that's kosher. Isaac said that was very good. Robin knew it too so she said she's just as Jewish as they are. Howard said he had to let Isaac go after that. He said he's an orthodox guy and he's upset about him telling people not to get their kids circumcised.
Howard said he might have to take a break and then play the Medicated Pete interviews from the Exotic Expo. He said he's trying to plan out the morning. He said that KC dropped by too. He said he's not sure if he should put him on the air. Gary said that he didn't really want to get on the air. He's just up there to say hello. Howard asked if he's okay. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said KC may not know that. Howard said they might have to go talk to him off the air and get him some help. Gary said he's been trying to do that the last 10 minutes. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he didn't know what to do. He said he could get to Medicated Pete here or say hello to KC. Robin asked if he's alright. Howard said no one knows. Benjy thinks he's fine. Gary said that they don't know why he's even there. He said he thought he wanted to talk about his issues but he's really not sure why he's there. He said some people think he wants to be on the air but KC makes it sound like he doesn't care.
Howard said KC has abused himself and he still looks good. Gary said he'd still love to look like that guy. Howard said even in his darkest days he looks good. Howard said he was thinking about doing that America's Got Talent show and how his face would be evaluated. He said working out doesn't really work for him. He said he's given up.
Howard said he went to the gym on Monday and ran 4 miles. He said he did a light work out and now his neck and upper back are fucked up. He said he's not a happy camper. He said he must be getting older and just a little work out wipes him out.
Gary said you see Regis working out and he's got 2.5 pound dumbbells he's lifting and he's breaking a sweat. Howard said he loves to eat and he has to run to keep the weight off. Howard said he'd like to look halfway decent for Beth too. He said she doesn't want to see him all fat.
Howard had Gary bring KC in. He said he was going to do a 5 minute interview. Fred played him in with Richard Christy's ''Guys, Guys, Guys'' song parody.
Howard asked KC if he's alright. KC said he's looking for God's mercy and he's fine. He said he's afraid of Fred though. Howard said some things never change. KC said Fred has guns.
Howard asked KC what he meant by Benjy being cock strong. KC said that everyone is skinny now. He said he takes that cock strong thing back.
Howard asked KC about getting arrested for DUI. KC said he's not sure what he did wrong. Robin said maybe it was driving drunk. KC said he was fine. He said he passed all of the tests he took. He said he didn't pass the breathalyzer though. He said all of the physical stuff was fine. He said he did drink a little bit that night. He said he was drinking while he was driving. It was in a water bottle. Howard asked if he's that much of an alcoholic. KC said it wasn't even his. He said it was Rebecca and she had a party.
KC quickly changed the subject and said he loves Katy Perry. He's usually into hard rock stuff but this one video she does is really hot. He said he loves that video. Fred played the song and KC said that's the song.
Howard asked KC about the charges and if he's in trouble. KC said he'll be fine. He has a good lawyer. Howard and Robin asked what they did when they pulled him over. KC said he had to stand on one leg and count. He said he got up to ''nineteen one thousand'' and then he forgot how to say ''twenty one thousand.''
Howard told KC he still looks good. He told him not to drive and drink. KC said he knows he's right. Howard said he doesn't want to be the one who gets into an accident with him. KC said he knows that. Then he asked for the bottle of Jack Daniels they had in the studio. Gary said he was asking for some vodka earlier.
Gary asked KC if he stopped up to say hello or to get a bottle of vodka or jack from them. KC said that's fucked up. He said he actually has vodka in the car. Howard asked if he's making any money. KC said he just did a commercial for a back brace and got paid for that. Howard asked if he ever sold his body for sex to a man. KC said he never has.
Howard asked KC not to drink in the car. KC said he won't do that. Howard said he hopes everything is okay. He wrapped up and said everyone loves KC. KC has been chewing tobacco so Robin said that she's sorry he's doing that. KC said he knows how bad it is.
KC was rambling on about how he has a chiminea now that he can burn wood in. He said he had a lot of wood he cut up with a chain saw after a recent storm. Howard cut KC off and said he seems okay to him. They played KC out with another Richard Christy song parody about KC.
Howard said there's a lot more of that stuff that he'll play tomorrow. He said Pete pulls his cock out and gets a boner when a girl is spanking him. He ended up playing that clip too. In the clip Pete was getting spanked by a woman. The girl asked to see his 12 inch cock. Pete pulled down his pants and said he had a chubby. The girl said he had a cute ass. Howard said he's naked and his cock is hard. The woman took out some vibrating thing and started rubbing it on his penis. Pete told her it felt great. Howard said he could have blown a load in the middle of the expo.
Howard played another clip of Pete walking around and talking to himself. He was talking about getting another chubby and how hard this was to handle. Howard said he lets any thought into that microphone. Robin said they have a new interviewer.
Howard played another clip of Pete asking to ride some penis ride they had at the expo. Pete kept asking if he could ride it. He kept repeating himself. Howard said he's not sure who is worse, Pete or Grillo. He said that he'll get to the rest of the stuff tomorrow.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody about her. Robin started her news with a story about Joe Jonas taking a vow of silence for the day. Robin said that it's a worldwide thing that people are doing to stand up for children who are denied their human rights. Howard said that sounds useless to him. He wondered how a vow of silence would help.
Fred played some alarm sounds behind Robin like they were having a fire alarm test. Robin read a story about the most searched person on the web site Bing.com. It was Justin Bieber at number one. Howard said that kid should be transgender. He said he'd look like a pretty girl if he had the sex change. Robin said that he bumped Kim Kardashian from the number one slot. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would search Kim Kardashian.
Robin had some audio of Mike Tyson singing ''The Girl From Ipanema'' while he was down in Brazil. Robin said that he sang in the movie ''Hangover 2'' as well.
Robin read about how CVS won't be selling powerful and addictive drugs anymore in Florida. Robin said that they say doctors down there prescribe 10 times more Oxycodone down there than they do anywhere else in the country.
Robin asked Howard if his iPhone 4S was working with Siri yet. Howard said it sucks. He said he could ask it what they ask it in the commercial and it won't work. Howard got the phone out and tried asking Siri what his schedule looks like. Siri said it found at least 25 appointments. Robin laughed. Howard said that part works okay. Howard said in the commercial they ask it how the schedule looks today. Siri said it found 3 for today. Howard said the thing is fucked up and all over the place.
Howard asked Siri how to get to Nobu on 57th street. Siri said it found 3 places matching ''Benobo.'' Howard told Siri he wanted to go to Nobu. Siri asked which address he wanted to use. Howard asked it again how to get there. Siri didn't even respond.
Robin said the question today is if Siri is anti-abortion. Howard asked Siri where he can get an abortion in New York. Robin said you know there are some there in New York. Howard said that's bullshit. Howard said abortion is legal in this country. He asked why people are so afraid. Howard asked Siri if she's anti-abortion. Siri said ''I can't answer that.'' Howard asked it why people are searching for Kim Kardashian on the internet. Siri didn't have an answer.
Robin said that one person on a flight found out that the iPhone 4S can self combust. Robin said it started smoking during a flight and it was accompanied by a red glow. Robin said that they took the phone and extinguished it. Robin said they sent it to the Australian Transportation Safety Bureau. Howard said he likes his phone but he knows the Siri thing won't be good for 5 years or so.
Robin read about how John Hinkley Jr. is still trying to get released from the mental institution he's in. Howard said there's no way they're going to let him out. Robin said he's 56 now and he's been in a mental institution since 1982. Robin said they're asking for more visits to his mother's house in Virginia. Howard said the answer should be no. They talked about how he was trying to impress Jodi Foster. Robin said she thinks that she's a lesbian. Howard said he could ask Siri if she's a lesbian. Howard asked but Siri said it didn't know what he was asking. Howard asked what language Siri speaks. Howard said Siri is like Sal and it doesn't understand when he's talking to it. Howard asked if Jodi is a carpet muncher. Siri said it found some carpet stores nearby.
Robin read about how Pete Rose is selling some memorabilia from when he was banned from baseball. Howard asked Siri where Jodi Foster can get an abortion in New York City. Siri took a while and didn't come up with any abortion clinics. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came back and had Robin get back into the news. Robin read about Dr. Conrad Murphy getting 4 years in jail. Robin said that they say that he may only serve a few months of that sentence. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the early release they do there in California. Robin said they say that he will probably serve less than 2 years of that 4 year sentence. Robin had some other audio clips of people talking about the sentence.
Robin read about Herman Cain being in the news again. That led to Howard replaying the clip of the Cain impersonator's message for them that he played earlier. Robin had some audio of Herman Cain talking about what his life is like at home with his wife. Howard said he's sounding crazier and crazier.
Robin had some audio of Rick Perry forgetting that the voting age is 18. Howard also wondered if he was right when he said that the election would be on November 12th. Howard asked Siri when the election was but it didn't know. Fred said that the election is November 6th in 2012. Perry screwed up both things. Howard said he's a good looking dude but he's not too bright. Howard said Mitt Romney seems to be getting called the front runner but he doesn't appear to be a front runner. Howard had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Russell Simmons talking about the Occupy Wall Street protests. Robin said he's apparently down there supporting the protesters.
Robin read about the winners of the powerball lottery and how they don't know for sure who bought the ticket.
Robin read some news about the Twilight movie getting to the half billion dollar mark. Howard said it's incredible because the movie is really bad. He said he's never seen a movie like this. Howard said he's seen all 3 so far. Robin said she thinks this is the fourth. Howard said he's not sure but he's never seen a movie with no story like that. He said the people who give it 3 star reviews must be nuts. Howard said there's no story at all. Nothing. He said nothing at all happens. He said it turns out that werewolves and vampires have just as boring lives as everyone else. Howard said in the next movie they should just stand there.
Robin read about the auction of a ring that Sharon Tate once wore. Howard said that's really morbid. He said she was murdered. Howard asked why anyone would want her ring in their house. Howard said it can't be lucky. Robin said they say that the bidding could start at $10,000. Howard said he doesn't even know how you prove it's her ring. Robin said that Amy Winehouse's dress sold for $67,000. Howard said that's even more depressing. He said she was a complete mess. Robin had some other dead celebrity auction items that she went over too.
Robin said that Tiger Woods has agreed to do an endorsement deal. Robin said he'll be working with a bag company. Howard said he's such an idiot. He gets money to do absolutely nothing. He said you have sponsors and all you have to do is put their tag on your bag. Howard said he had money pouring in for doing nothing.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if he adjusted his will to leave him the Iron Man helmet. Howard said he never said he was going to leave it to him. Ralph said he thought he was. Howard said it'll probably go to Beth or his kids. Ralph said he feels better now that he knows Beth might get it. Howard said Ralph won't outlive him. He said that he'll end up dead on the street nude like Sal Mineo. Howard said he'll be found in a pair of women's panties nude with his penis stuffed in his mouth or something. Howard said he wouldn't mind Ralph having that helmet. He said he knows he'll appreciate it. Howard said it's Ralph's. Ralph said Howard probably will out live him though so it may not matter.
Robin asked Howard about a number one comic book featuring Superman. Robin said it's from 1938 and going for over $1.5 million. Howard said he thought Nicholas Cage owned it. Robin said she's not sure. The original cover price was just 10 cents in 1938.
Howard said Gary's mom saved a bunch of old newspapers. She never saved anything worth anything though. Gary said when he went to throw that stuff out she told him that she was going to read them. He said she had never picked one up to read them but when he was ready to get rid of them, all of a sudden she wanted to read them. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin said that today the President is in the city and the tree lighting is taking place at Rockefeller Center. Howard said it's going to be awful.
Robin said they think that all of the bodies that were found in the Gilgo beach area were from one person. Robin said they've only identified 5 of the bodies so far. Howard said they found them all on the beach. Robin said they were all buried in the dunes on the beach. Howard said maybe it's Dexter.
Robin said there are two versions of Sleeping Beauty coming out this year. Robin read about this one movie and this one is about a prostitute who gets knocked out and guys can come and do whatever they want with her except penetration. Robin said that it's not porn though. Howard said he'd go see that. He said it sounds like Benjy's relationship. Robin had some audio of Emily Browning talking about being nude in the movie. Howard said she must be hot if she's comfortable being nude.
Robin had more audio of Ralph Fiennes talking about the movie ''Coriolanus.'' Howard asked why she keeps promoting this movie. Robin has done stories about that movie all week.
Robin had some news about a new Roman Polansky movie. Howard said he actually saw the movie and it's awful. He said it's like 2 hours of people arguing with each other in an apartment. He said that there were four people having an unrealistic argument. He said it was like a Broadway play and it was just bad. He said it was four of the most annoying human beings. Robin had some audio of John C. Reilly talking about the movie. Howard didn't last long listening to that.
Robin said that Justin Bieber will be performing in Rockefeller Center tonight. She had some audio of Justin talking about that. Howard had to cut that short too.
Robin said Tony Bennett will be performing too so she had audio of him. Howard said this whole thing sounds like a nightmare. He said for that they have to have grid lock. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:05am.
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Gary said the first things he plays for Howard in the morning are Sal and Richard's calls. He said that he doesn't tell Howard what he thinks about them before he listens to them. Jon said he's seen him do that and he's doing a good job of leaving it up to Howard. Gary said when the call is good he'll tell Howard it's fucking great. If he doesn't like it he'll tell Howard that he has to listen to it.
Jon said Howard takes everyone's thoughts into consideration. Gary said the listeners out there want to be entertained and he thinks that their opinion is just as valid as anyone's.
Jon and Gary also brought up Sal's 40/70 and 40/65 screw up. Jon said that Sal ''thinks'' that he was joking about that. Jon said that they're not knocking Sal and Richard's calls either. He said they love what they do and they do have some great ones.
Benjy said that he'd like his edited version of his prank call to be put into the system so they can play it down the road sometime. Gary said it has to be approved by Howard. Benjy said he wants to be judged on what he did.
Gary said he had a class where they had to shoot a film for class. He said that the teacher told them it doesn't matter how much work you put into something. He said the only thing that matters is if it's good or not. He said Sal and Richard will tell them that the call took 3 years to make but it doesn't matter if it's just not that great.
Jon said that Richard was saying that he wanted to show that they're working but that means they're handing in sub-par stuff. Jon said that he's not saying that their stuff is sub-par either. Gary said they should talk to Sal and Richard about this stuff when they come down there.
Jon said that KC Armstrong showed up today and it was a very awkward 30 minutes while he was there. Gary said that there was something very off about KC when he was up there. He said he didn't even think it was really him downstairs. Gary said he had to get him on the phone to make sure it was him. He said that he asked what he was doing there and KC didn't have a good explanation. Gary said KC didn't have anything to promote and he said he just wanted to say hello to everyone. Gary said he spent about 15 minutes talking to KC asking if everything was okay and he couldn't get straight answers.
Jon said one question was about if he came up there to get free alcohol. Gary said he says he's an alcoholic but he's not sure if he's joking about that or not. Jon said you're not sure what to believe with KC. Gary said this has been going on a long time too. He said they kind of took KC to get help once but he didn't stick around long.
Benjy said he seemed okay to him. He said he may have been stressed and tired but he seemed okay. Benjy said he did seem more off to him when he was in the studio. He wasn't so much different than he was in the past though. Benjy said Howard may be concerned for KC after what went on with Artie. He said he might be worried about that whole thing.
Jon said he thinks that Howard has KC's best interests at heart and he had a tough decision to make having him in. Gary said he felt that KC was in distress. He said if Howard could talk to him and get to the root of it then maybe they could move KC in the right direction. Gary said if KC did want help he'd do anything he could to help. He said he'd make a 100 calls in a minute if he asked for help. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked what he meant by the 40 and 70 percent things. Sal said that he was explaining two different things. He said they were in different departments so the math didn't gel. He said he was having two different conversations going on but at the same time. Jon asked if he breaks the numbers down like that in his head. Sal was giving a really bizarre explanation to what he had done.
Gary said that Sal is in Stockbroker mode and he's trying to explain how he fucked up without admitting he fucked up. Sal said he knows he fucked up. Jon said he has to qualify his mistake and that's where he gets into trouble.
Sal said that he had made two estimates and the two numbers didn't add up even though they weren't really supposed to. He said he admits he fucked up. He said he knows what 70 plus 30 is and he knows what 100 percent is.
Sal said that he has a lot of people around him and Gary knows what works on the show and doesn't work on the show. He said that he values Jon's opinion too though. Sal said back in the day he and Richard would give a lot of input for the calls but now they don't bring them in. He said they're not there for that and if they can't give their opinion then they wonder why Jon Hein's opinion matters. Jon asked why it would matter if they give an opinion. He said they're all ultimately just opinions. Sal said that they don't get feedback from Howard anymore like they used to.
Gary said that Sal and Richard can't hide their disappointment when he tells them something doesn't work. He said there are days when it's uncomfortable. He said that Richard is more ''yeah, but...'' than Sal is. He said that he isn't upset about that but that's the way they have to work. He said he thinks Richard takes it harder than Sal does. Richard said that they put a lot of work into those calls.
Gary said Sal is already defeated when you walk into the studio. He asked if he has stopped watching Howard's reaction to his calls. Sal said he has stopped doing that. Richard said he saw Gary go back and forth in front of their office a few times before he came in. Gary said he wasn't pacing. He said he really doesn't get that upset about it.
Sal and Richard were going back and forth explaining themselves. Gary said they really are attached at the hip. They take turns talking about each other.
Sal and Richard were also talking about how they don't think they would be good if they were separated. Gary said if they didn't separate Lennon and McCartney then they wouldn't have had ''Imagine.'' Richard laughed and said that they aren't Lennon and McCartney.
Jon said that when Robin was talking about the calls Sal went off on her. Sal said he didn't go off on her as much as he could have. He said he could have really gone off on her. He said that she's talking about editing and she doesn't know what she's talking about. He said she jumps in and takes over the interview from Howard and he never says anything to her about editing herself. He said she should take it down a couple notches in everything she does. He said he doesn't mind it coming from Howard.
Sal said Robin is like a possum coming out of a hole biting at your ass. He said she should listen to Howard just as much as he does.
Jon asked Will if he thinks the message got through to the guys. Will said he thinks that breaking them up would work. He said that competition is good. Sal said they work together though. Will said they don't have any drive if they don't have competition. Sal said if he was detached from Richard then they wouldn't have the same kind of stuff.
Gary said they could do solo stuff and still keep the band together. Sal and Richard said they still do solo stuff. Sal said they still help each other even if they're doing something solo. Jon asked if they ever tell each other that something doesn't work. Sal said they do that all day long. He said it's not all ''that's great'' all day long.
Benjy asked if they have any other calls they've been working on for years. Sal said they have some stuff they will keep working on for a long time. They've tried stuff with different people and they'll keep trying it. Gary said they might want to put up ideas on LotusNotes and ask for some suggestions. Richard said the stolen purse idea was from a fan. He said they love ideas like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Tradio calls are the best thing he's heard. He said that some of that stuff is priceless. He asked how many calls they make that don't get on the air that they can't get authorization to play. Sal said they have some of those and they have some calls they've put on that just don't hold up. Richard said they will get calls that will get rejected and they'll go back and keep trying with. Richard said they love that. Sal said they'll stick with a premise for a while to try and get a good one.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he's listened to this so many times. He said that it sounds like Howard has figured it out. He said Howard compared them to photographers and he had it right. The caller said that Howard had it figured out but Sal and Richard still don't get it. Richard said that it's hard to let it go if you're passionate about something. They had to take another break a short time later.
Gary said if KC isn't supposed to be there then maybe being on the radio isn't a good thing for him. Ronnie said he was trying to figure out what's going on with him. He said he has a lawyer but he was trying to help him out with that too.
Ronnie said when KC left there he had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Gary said he didn't get that from him. He said KC has done that before. Ronnie said it just seemed very scary to him. He said the whole situation was very scary to him. He said he felt like KC was going to break down and cry at a lot of moments. He said even when he went down to greet him he was talking about the ''god's mercy'' thing and he didn't know what he meant by that.
Jon asked what you can do for a guy like that. Ronnie said he's not sure. He knows KC has tried to get help before but it doesn't seem like it's doing any good. Gary said if you really want help you have to go and want to go. He said you can't go to rehab for 3 days and give up.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks Gary is right. She said that KC is in a bad place and it's very reminiscent of Artie. She said he needs real help. She said that Artie seems to be doing really good now and maybe KC could get there too. Benjy said he thinks that 70 percent get out of it and 40 percent never do.
Gary said that KC can be very manipulative. Today he had no agenda. Ronnie said it seemed like he had nowhere to go today. He said that's what he seemed to be looking for.
Benjy said they seemed to be having a conversation that they might have in their head about recognizing someone out in the hall and wondering if they like you or not.
Gary said that it's interesting like when Sam Kinison would come in and brag about being sober for 51 days. He said Jason has only been okay for a couple of months now. He might not be able to get his wife back that quickly.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary always fights back with Howard just like Sal and Richard do with their stuff. He said that Gary's list of stuff is endless. He said that they goof on Sal but Gary is just as retarded. Sal said when you have someone coming after you then you fight as hard as you can. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how they were going to be live every Thursday (Dec. 1, 8 and 15) this month. He said it's a Christmas gift to the fans. Howard said he's going to start off where he left off yesterday with the Medicated Pete interview clips.
Howard said Pete was out at the Exotica expo and he was interviewing some people there. Howard said in this clip he does a black accent as he's talking to this one woman. Howard said Pete forgets to put the microphone on the girl and he also turns into a black guy. Howard played the clip and Pete was talking about how big the woman's breasts were. She said they're a 44-EE. Pete asked to see her ass. Howard said she should have popped him right in the head.
Pete said the woman had a big ass too. She was talking to him but he didn't put the mic up to her. She figured that Pete was drinking. Howard said they did think that he had a few drinks before he did the interviews. Pete did say he had a few in the clip. Howard said the woman backed her ass into his crotch. Howard said he wants to rub into something so he let that happen.
Howard asked the guys to Tweet out the picture of this woman backing into Pete. He said she has to weigh like 250 pounds. He played more of the interview and Pete was talking about how he has to get some of her movies.
Howard said Pete started singing ''Sexual Healing'' when he heard it playing at the expo. Howard played some of that too. Howard said Pete saw some women doing stuff to each other and he went nuts over that. JD told Howard they weren't actually doing anything other than sucking on lollipops. Pete was going crazy over that. Pete asked if they would suck his instead.
Howard said you don't know who the women are because Pete forgot to put the mic up to their faces. All of the audio was Pete and a woman's voice off in the distance. Robin said the blood must have drained out of his head. Howard said Pete was asking the girls if they knew how hot they were.
In the clip Pete wasn't saying much. Howard cut it off after a few more seconds. Howard wondered who the worst is. Pete or Steve Grillo. Howard played some of Grillo's last interview where his voice was over modulated. He said they should send them both to the same thing and see who does the worst interviews. Howard said that this stuff will be up on Howard TV starting tomorrow night.
Howard had more Medicated Pete clips. He said he had some of him talking about his penis size. He said that's the one thing the guy has. He said instead of interviewing the girls for the show he ends up telling them how long his penis is. Howard said he eventually ends up whipping it out to show them. Robin said he's lucky he didn't get arrested.
Howard played a clip of Pete talking to Mary Carey. Pete told her that he was there to try and get laid. Howard said he thought they sent him there for interviews. Howard said he finally put the mic up to her face.
Howard said he loves Sharon Osbourne but she doesn't have any credentials to judge anyone. Howard said neither does Nicole Scherzinger. Howard said he read that she was fucking one of the guys on the show. He said she's really good looking but a complete idiot. He said her opinions are worthless. Howard said he heard that Simon is going to get rid of her. Robin said she's really not a good judge. Howard said she should stick to dancing when the people come out on stage. He said that she must be great in bed unless she's as dry as a desert. Howard said she probably fucked all of the football players in school and she'd be dry for him if he got her.
Howard said Nicole strikes him as someone who will end up with some guy who isn't right for her. He said her life is going to be a disaster. He said he can see it all in his crystal ball.
Howard said that being a judge is pretty easy work. He said he thinks that staying awake through the live shows would be the hardest part of the whole thing. Robin said it's too much for her and she can't sit through a live show. Howard said he'd end up drinking cups of coffee to stay awake.
Howard and Robin talked about some of the acts on X-Factor. They also talked about Michael Jackson's kids being on the show and how Joe Jackson isn't even in the building. Howard said he can see how the father got away with doing what he did to Michael. He said the mother seems very passive. Howard said she told Simon that she never misses the show. Howard said Michael's kids are great. They're all white. Robin said they wear clothes like he used to wear. Robin said they're too much.
Howard said these shows need him. He said that they need someone to calm down and analyze shit. He said he can't imagine holding out sexually with Nicole Scherzinger. Howard said he thinks that she has to be crazy in bed looking for approval. He said she must walk around naked all the time and there must not be any hair on that vagina. He said he'd bet any amount of money that she's fully shaved. He said she probably doesn't even have a razor bump on there. Robin said she's probably lasered or Brazilian waxed. Howard said that would be a good show. A show where guys see how long they can ride her. He said her body and face look perfect. He said that she looks like a perfect specimen. Howard said they have great lighting on X-Factor. He said he'd probably have to re-do the lighting on America's Got Talent. He said he can almost look handsome in the right lighting.
Robin said that Howard's stand-in could be that guy who looks like him. Howard said no way. He said he doesn't like that guy. He said he walks around in short shorts and makes him look bad. Robin said those shorts really were too short.
Robin asked who didn't know they had gone over. Howard said Gary went over the schedule. Gary said it was actually Tim. Howard said Tim told him he had to do three more shows. Gary asked what would happen if he violated his contract. Howard said they violated his contract so he should be able to violate it too. He said he's in court over that contract that they violated.
Howard said that Gary blamed him for the whole thing. Gary said he told him to just tack on 3 days in December. He said that he thought he had a certain number of weeks off but it turns out he has to work a certain number of days. He said he figured they'd be dead now. Howard said they could have done the days in January.
Howard told Gary to go back and fuck his boyfriend in the office. He was referring to Jon Hein. Jon was backing Gary up on that story about the days off. Howard said that they're like a couple. He said they were at his house and ended up staying in the same bed. Gary said there were a bunch of people sharing rooms there.
Howard said he always honors his contracts even if other people don't. He said that's why he's working Thursdays this month. Robin said that everyone else gets away with violating contracts.
Howard said he ran into his friend and told him that he was honoring his contract. He said the guy asked why he was doing that if they weren't honoring their side. Howard said he had to remember that.
Howard asked what's wrong with Brian coughing so much lately. Howard said he's the camera guy during the breaks and he's been coughing a lot. Brian came in and said he caught it from Gary. Howard said he has to count up how many times he coughed and how many times Gary cleared his throat. Howard said Gary was unbearable this morning. Brian said he didn't walk out of the studio this morning either.
Howard got a note about how Brian has been sick constantly. Brian said that's not true. Jason said that the throat clearing is constant out in the office lately. He said ever since Howard kicked him out of the studio he's been clearing it out in the office. Howard said he seems to think that if he walks over to the other side it helps.
Howard said for weeks he hasn't been saying a word about Gary. He said he figured he was making him nervous. Gary said he is. Howard said today he just couldn't take it anymore. Gary said that there's nothing he can do. He said it's going to go on forever. Howard said he's going to have to throw up his breakfast every morning then. Howard said it's just not going to happen for him.
Brian was still blaming Gary for his coughing. Gary said he can't blame him for that. Gary said nothing is going to change for him. Howard said that Gary claims it doesn't happen all day. Gary asked Jason if it does. Jason said it's mostly the morning between 6 and 7. He said it's up and down the hall coughing.
Howard told Brian to take a tape of the meeting and count up the number of phlegms and number of coughs. Howard said it had to be four coughs at least. He said Gary must have cleared his throat 7 times.
Gary asked Howard what he wants him to do about it. He thinks there's nothing he can do. Gary said he's making it worse by talking about it. Howard said he tried for months not saying anything. Gary said that he might as well not change anything because he's not going to change.
Gary said that Howard has to clear his throat too. Howard said he has to be on the air though. Gary said that it happens to a lot of people. Gary said he can't just make it stop. Howard said he clears his throat off the air and he can kind of control it. Howard said Gary clears his throat in the studio. Gary said that he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he must be special if he can control it on the air. Gary said he's done everything he can to stop it and nothing works.
Howard told Gary to have hot water every morning. Howard said Gary is boring his audience now. Gary said he's boring him too. Howard told him to go to a doctor about it. Gary said he's not sure what doctor to go to. Howard told Gary to go fuck up his schedule some more.
Howard said Eric the Midget wants to respond to a Lisa G news report. Howard wondered if he could do it quickly. Howard had Eric on the phone and Eric said that he's not giving them a hard time at ''In Plain Sight.'' Howard said he read a letter Eric sent to the guy at ''In Plain Sight'' about Johnny Fratto. He told Eric that the guy doesn't care. Eric said that they asked if he had a representative and he told the guy about what's going on. Robin said he could have said yes or no. Howard said he didn't have to send a 4 page letter. Eric said it wasn't a 4 page letter.
Gary said that Eric was carrying on and on about Johnny in the letter. Howard said Eric is full size when it comes to being a pain in the ass. He said that the guy doesn't care about his personal problems. Eric said the guy just wants to know if he has a representative. Eric was writing about how Johnny doesn't represent him properly.
Howard said Eric doesn't know how to conduct himself. Eric said he was just stating the truth about it. Robin said the guy at ''In Plain Sight'' doesn't care about that stuff though. Howard told Gary to get him the letter. He wanted to read it on air. Howard said you have to hear what Eric had to say in the letter.
Howard said you know this guy's head must be spinning. Gary said that Johnny responded to both of them and told Eric not to call him selfish. Gary said the producer asked what they got him into.
Howard read the note Eric sent to the producer and Eric was talking about how self centered Johnny Fratto is. He went into an explanation about how he used to be his friend. Eric was also putting question marks after every sentence. Eric said he didn't do that. Howard said that's what was in this letter.
Howard said that Eric is saying he's giving Johnny another chance with this whole thing but he doesn't see what Johnny is getting out of this. Eric said if Johnny could get him steady work then maybe he'd get paid. Howard said if Eric wasn't so delusional he'd be better off. Eric said he's not delusional at all.
Robin asked what Johnny's response was to all of that. Howard said he didn't get to that part. He said that he had more about Eric and his needs of an oxygen tank.
Gary read Johnny's response. Johnny explained that he's not self centered and he has many mouths to feed. The guy from the show had to read all of this stuff. Johnny and Eric were arguing and this producer had to read it all. Howard said he would have given up already if he was that guy. He said the poor guy is stuck in the Eric and Johnny loop. Howard said they warned the guy that he was going to regret this whole thing.
Howard asked Eric where he's at. Eric said he's a few minutes away from giving up. He said they're acting like assholes. Howard said all they did was get him the job. Howard said it's through his relationship with Mary that he's getting the call. Howard said he has to work out the details himself. He said he can't do that for Eric.
Fred was playing some ''Eric the...'' edited clips. He had Eric the Screwed Up Midget, Eric the Wack Packer and things like that. Howard laughed when Fred would play one.
Howard said Eric had a lot more to say in his letter. He read some more of the letter where he talked about his oxygen tank and how he needed it a month in advance. He also needs accommodations for two people since he has a care taker. Howard said every sentence had a period and a question mark. Howard said that's how it appeared in the email. Eric said that he didn't have those question marks in there in what he sent. Howard said that's what he has there.
Gary said he was going to send Eric what he got from him. Eric said he's not going to check his email. Howard said he has to check and see that he has a question mark and period. Eric said he can't go over to his computer at the moment. Howard asked if it's difficult at the moment. Eric said he's in bed and doesn't want to get up. Fred played some more of those edited clips. Eric didn't sound too happy about that.
Howard said he knew this was going to turn into World War III. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric complains about doing 4 lines instead of 3 on Fringe so maybe he's afraid of this whole thing. The guy said that Howard had a great idea where he said Eric's head should blow up in every show he does. The caller said he's not sure what to tell Eric. Howard said Eric is very picky about the parts he wants to play too. He said he didn't want to be put in a pet carrier for one part.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's not sure why he keeps letting Eric on. Howard said it's funny to him. The caller said it's not funny. Howard said he knew this was going to be a disaster. Eric told the caller that he's not one bit ungrateful. He called him a worthless piece of shit asshole. The caller said no one likes Eric. Eric told him to get the fuck off the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Eric he should hire an actual manager. He said Fratto isn't an agent or manager, he's the son of a mob guy. Howard said no legitimate agent is going to represent Eric. He told the caller to give him some good advice. The caller said he heard that Eric died and this is an imposter. Eric said he didn't die. The caller said that he saw pictures of Eric in his casket and he knows they're real because he photoshopped them himself. Eric told him to get lost too.
Howard said his money is on Eric never getting to the set of the show. He said that's how he sees it going. Robin said that it won't be their fault. They got him the gig. Eric said that he thinks his chances of getting there are 100 percent. Robin asked how that's going to happen. He doesn't have a representative. Eric didn't have an answer.
Eric said that he was offering to be a P.R. situation for Howard where he would do these TV shows and in turn it's good for Howard's show. Robin said he never mentions them. Howard said the first thing he does is disassociate himself from the show. Howard said that Eric must be anxious for him to be a judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said he'd have access to the show then. Eric said that would be true. Howard said he might let Eric sit in the audience. Robin said the show would move to New York though. Howard said Robin must know more than he does.
Eric asked if Howard watches X-Factor. Howard said he does. Eric said that last night Simon made a stupid move by having a 15 year old girl sing ''Billy Jean.'' Howard said he made the right move because her rendition was the song of the night. Howard said she was the only one shining through. Howard said keeping her sitting down was the right move too. Eric said she did a good job with the song but it was gender specific. He said that it's not the right age for that either. Howard said that doesn't matter. It's the emotional performance that counted. Robin said Eric must think that Howard failed as a judge. Eric said he did.
Howard said that they had Michael Jackson night last night and it shows that he sucks. He said all of the songs blew. He said it's time for those songs to go away. He said that 14 year old girl did a great job with that song though.
Howard said he can't wait to see Eric on ''In Plain Sight.'' He said he will get to work with Mary McCormack. He said maybe Eric will get to make out with her. He said he got to do that himself in his movie ''Private Parts.'' Howard said that he used to work out on the making out scenes and love never really blossomed for him. He wished Eric luck with everything. Eric thanked him for that. Eric also told him that he sent Gary a message a couple of weeks ago. Gary said he had that but Eric is angry in that one too. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of Eric. Eric asked why he didn't mention his call to the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. He thanked Eric for the call and said he hopes he works things out with Johnny.
Howard remembered that Eric did some voices for Mike Judge that day so he should play the clip. He said Eric's impressions were just Eric's voices. Gary said he'd get the clip. Howard told Eric he hopes to see him on ''In Plain Sight'' and he will bring him on America's Got Talent if he becomes a judge. Robin said he should have him sit on his lap. Howard asked Eric if he would do that. Eric said he's 36 years old. Howard said he knows that but he would like to have an Emanuel Lewis like Michael Jackson did. Howard said Pedro Martinez had a personal little person and he'd rub his head before a game for luck.
Howard told Eric to just imagine what it would be like. He said Nick Cannon would introduce Howard Stern and Eric would be sitting on his lap and he'd rub his head for luck. Eric asked what kind of luck he needs. He'd be a judge. Howard said he's got a good point there. Howard said maybe he could poke at him like a Pinata. Howard told him to think about it.
Howard told Eric he had to go. He said he enjoys Eric on the show. He said he knows a lot of fans don't like him but he enjoys the guy. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that was Robert Plant's solo project. Howard said he doesn't have a story about him like Dan Neer would on Deep Tracks.
Howard said he has this guy Jensen Karp on the phone. Howard said the story behind the whole Roll Call thing is from another station in L.A. Lisa G came in to help out with the story. She said it came from a station out there with the Bakka Boys. They started the Roll Call bit on their show. Howard said Jensen Karp used to call into that station and he got a record deal from calling in to do the Roll Call. Jensen said he got a million dollar recording contract. Howard said that doesn't sound like what it really is. He said it's just the amount of money that they put into you. Once you make that money they take it back. Jensen said he got a $300,000 advance out of that.
Howard said Jensen is a white guy. He said that he used to call in and do the Roll Call and someone from a record company heard him. Jensen said that this rapper showed up at his parents house with $50,000 cash to hire him. He said he never thought it could turn into a job. He said it all came from the Roll Call though.
Howard said Jensen cut a record and Eminem heard it and thought it was so good that he didn't want it released. Jensen said they had a lot of cameos on the record and they had invested a lot of money into it. He said he doesn't know the reason behind it but there are conspiracy theories about Eminem being behind it. He said that they may have felt that they would be competing. Jensen said he's not sure what the real story is.
Howard asked Jensen about getting a $500,000 publishing deal. Jensen said he's making a living now in a graphic design company. He said he was just kind of thrown into this whole thing when he was in college.
Jensen said that this was a really cool and big thing when he was doing it but Lisa G makes it sound nerdy. He said she's just making it come off strange. Howard said that's her whole identity. He said it's time for her to move on actually.
Howard said he kind of doesn't remember how to do it. He said they stopped doing it because it was too much work. Lisa said that it's 7:20 so it's the perfect time to do it.
Howard asked Jensen if he was ready to do it. Jensen was ready to do it and he asked Lisa if she was ready and how she was going to do it. Lisa didn't sound as prepared as he was.
Fred started the music and Lisa started singing. Jensen did his thing and made some references to Eric the Midget and other things from the show. Howard said none of what they were doing was on his sheet of paper. Howard said he was reading something that they weren't doing.
Howard said he fucking hates the roll call. He said he has a tape of what Lisa used to do. Lisa didn't remember some of what they wrote down. Howard played an old clip to figure out how to do it correctly.
Jensen didn't mind waiting for them to figure it out. He was going to come up with different verses too. Howard started over. They did the singing of the Roll Call and Lisa did her rap and then Jensen did his thing on the phone. They would sing and then Jensen would rap his stuff. Howard said Jensen was good.
Howard said he likes that a white Jewish kid won a million dollar contract from that. Jensen said he's ready to compete with anyone who wants to go against him. He said they used to compete and he won 40 days in a row. Howard said he's not sure he could go that long.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if they ever do that Roll Call again... He said he just turned on the show and Lisa is really bad. The caller said that this is featured in ''Get on the Bus'' and it's been going on for decades. The caller asked how the Bakka Boys could claim that they did it. Howard said this guy is getting all worked up over the Roll Call. The caller said that they're just poseur's. Howard said they're just taking something very lame and having fun with it. He said he hates when he has to explain the show to people.
Howard asked Jensen if he had anything to plug. Jensen said you can follow him on Twitter @JensenClan88. You can also find his album on iTunes under the name Hot Karl. Howard let Jensen go a short time later.
Howard said he'd like to know what kind of money Lisa was making at that station. She was on her way out already though. Howard said maybe they can do more to hose things on the show.
Bobo was on the phone and said that he never said anything bad about Dog and his wife. He said that he never said that he was booking them on the show. He said he told them he didn't work on the show.
Jon said that Dog is a big fan of the show and he's upset he's not going to be on the show. Howard said this is all Bobo's fault. Howard said he was rejected and he wasn't even looking to be on the show. Howard said Bobo set him up for rejection. Jon said that the A& E execs were thrilled until they found out this wasn't for real.
Jon said that Ronnie told him that Benjy was almost late yesterday. Howard said that he doesn't care as long as he's on time. Howard told Benjy not to be late because he doesn't want to go through that again. Benjy said he hasn't been late for well over a year and he won't be late.
Jon said that High Pitch Mike and Joey Boots are still fighting on Twitter. He said Mike is demanding to see Joey's military documents. Jon said Joey has sent them to him and he has them there. Jon said that he got a call last night from someone who barked out some stuff to him about his records. Howard said he's smart to keep that phone on at all hours.
Jon said that Debbie the Pet Lady is saying that Shuli's reporting about her is biased because Shuli is having sex with Ed. Jon said that Debbie calls him ''Shelly'' and says that he has to be having sex with Ed based on what he's been reporting.
Debbie was on the phone so Howard picked up on her. Debbie said she wasn't going to scream but she thinks that Shuli is an asshole. She said it wasn't right what they did the other day. She said they made Ed look like a comedian. She said she was the one who found the comedy gig. She started to yell. Howard told her she has to chill. She started yelling more. Howard asked if she ever had sex with Ed. Debbie screamed that she never did. Debbie said that she doesn't want her mentioned with that asshole.
Jon wanted to ask Debbie a question but she was screaming and not paying attention. She was upset that Ed was going to get a show before her. She started screaming over Robin as they were trying to figure this all out. Debbie said she's going to stop screaming. Howard said she had dreams about being a comedian and Ed has gone on without her. Howard told Debbie to go do her own thing. Debbie said that they make her look like a screaming bitch. She said that she's not like that. She said she doesn't scream all the time.
Howard told Debbie he has to move along. Debbie asked why they can't give her a show on the channel. Howard said he'll think about it. Howard let her go. Jon said that he has her calling her at all hours. He said that's what he has to do though. He said they have stories to do.
Jon said that Debbie also claims that Robin and Gary blocked her on Twitter. Howard said Robin doesn't even know how to use her Twitter. Robin said she got Howard into it, she knows how to use it.
Jon said that Gary has to have a procedure to remove a kidney stone. Jon said that he's been told to have it done sooner than later. He has to push off his colonoscopy to get this done. Howard said that Gary is gross. He said he's got the phlegm and the kidney stones and all of that.
Howard said Doug Goodstein is in the middle of editing the throat clearing tape and he says it's every few seconds. Doug said he's just finishing it off now.
Jon said the amazing thing to him is that Jason Kaplan is in good health. Howard said by the time he gets to Gary's age he's going to be a mess. Gary said he's healthy and all he has is some phlegm. Howard said that's because he's unhealthy. Gary said he's one of the more healthy guys in the office right now.
Howard asked Doug if he has the tape yet. Gary said he didn't have it 10 seconds ago and he still doesn't have it. Howard thanked Jon for the report and went to break.
Howard came back and said they should play that Chris Cornell song on Coffee House. Robin said they should. Howard let it play a little longer. He said he likes that cover.
Howard said there are a lot of new songs coming in about Robin. He had one that was a cover of ''Moves Like Jagger.'' Howard said that was Eli Braden doing that song.
Howard said he found it interesting when Chaz Bono was on and they threw out the idea of having their own version of ''The View.'' Howard said according to a report he read they're getting some traction with that idea. Howard played a news report where they talked about the idea for the show. They said there is a producer thinking about doing the show. Howard said he likes that they mentioned it on the show and it was picked up from there.
Howard said Sal took the train home yesterday and he got some audio of a baby crying on the train. Howard played the clip of the baby screaming at the top of its lungs. Howard said the parent just sat there and laughed. Howard said Sal wanted to kill himself. Howard played the clip and the kid just kept screaming and trying to speak. Howard said that's just what someone wants to hear after spending a day at work.
Howard said Regis is out promoting his new book and he's apparently mentioned in it. Howard said he read his mention but all he says is that he's a nice guy. Robin said that he's pulling back the covers and saying that he's a nice guy.
Howard said Regis was on Extra and talked more about that. He played the audio of that interview and Regis talked about how he never heard Howard's radio show but he heard about what he was saying about him. Regis said that Howard was directing people to the show and it was a ratings boost for them. Regis said he ended up moving into a building there and one day he saw Howard getting into the elevator. Regis said that he and Howard met in the elevator and they had some laughs in there. Regis said that he and Howard showed each other their apartments. He said Howard was on the building committee for a while. Howard said he reports any nonsense going on in his building. He said he has a sizeable investment in that building.
Howard said he saw that Madonna settled her loud music suit. He said that her upstairs neighbor was complaining about her music being played all the time. Howard said this poor woman said that her walls would shake from the noise. Howard said there are people in Manhattan who don't realize that they're living in an apartment. Howard said that Madonna could go to a dance club or something if she wants to dance. Robin said she once rented out her health club's whole basketball court so she could work out alone. Howard said they just forget about everyone else in the building so they can rock out. Howard said she doesn't want people in her space but she's fine with getting into other people's space.
Howard said if he was her neighbor he'd turn up his music at 4 in the morning and leave it on all day. Howard said she has moved out of that place and into a town house. Howard said she should know better than to do something like that.
Howard said Beth really likes his beard but then she complains that it pokes her when he kisses her. He said he's been keeping it long but not too long. He said his beard is gray but his hair is still black. He said he might have to shave if he gets on America's Got Talent. He said he likes the way L.A. Reid dresses. He might have to get some nice suits.
Howard said he had a 5 o'clock shadow on Letterman and his agent told him the look wasn't working for him. He said that he isn't a hot chick though so what does he know? Howard said he may dye his whole face like Benjy did. Howard said Benjy dyed his beard but left the Just For Men in too long. Fred said that it's Hunts Tomato Paste red.
Howard said Benjy got spray tanned too. Robin said that he's like Zoolander. Howard said that he looks at people with his model face when he looks at you. Howard said he's putting on a voice too. Howard said he looks better but he's not cute. Benjy said he's on the verge of cute.
Gary said that people all look at Benjy like a Rubik's cube. He said you have to keep turning it to figure it out. He said that Benjy wears a lot of jewelry and has a fake earring. Howard said none of it bothers him except he has to wear the hat at home. Benjy said he doesn't have to wear it. Benjy said he thinks he looks better with a hat on. Howard said he doesn't have to look better at home. Benjy asked why he backs out of the room when he's nude in front of Beth. Howard said he doesn't want her seeing his ass. Robin said that's Howard's thing though. Beth didn't ask him to do that.
Benjy said that Elisa is into him. Howard said that's why he's wearing a hat and he's orange from the spray tan. Benjy asked if it looks good now that the color is gone from his beard. Howard said no. He said that Benjy caught him staring at him. He said he gets notes about all of the new stuff he's wearing. He said that he told Benjy he looks good just to get out of the staring thing.
Howard said the spray tan looks weird and so does the beard. Howard said the tan has worn off though. He said he looks like a pumpkin that they put a hat and a beard on. Benjy said she does all him Pumpkin. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard said they got a call from the NY Post to do an interview with Janks. Janks said he does this to promote the show and he's not looking to be interviewed. Howard sounded shocked by that. Gary said they wanted to interview him to introduce people to the guy who terrorizes these shows. Howard let Janks go. Janks said ''Baba Booey's Monkey Nuts'' as he was getting off the phone.
Howard played the audio from the coverage of Jackson's game where they mentioned him. They said Jackson was the son of Baba Booey. Howard said ''poor kid...''
Howard said he played the audio of the NBC news where their fire alarm was going off. Sal and Richard took that idea and used it in an interview with a dog trainer. Howard played that bit where they were talking to this woman and the fire alarm starts going off. The woman kept talking but Sal and Richard asked her to speak louder. She started yelling. Then Sal and Richard said that this might be more than they expected. They played sounds of fire and started coughing like there was a real fire in their studio. She eventually told them to get out of there.
Gary told Howard that the coughing clips were available now. Howard said Gary claimed he only did it twice. Gary said he didn't say that. He said he knew he did it a lot.
Howard said he tried avoiding telling Gary that he was annoying because he knows it upsets him. Howard said Gary started clearing the phlegm out of his throat this morning and then Brian Phelan started coughing and hacking up. Howard said that's like when one person coughs in a theater and more people start coughing.
Howard said Gary comes in about 20 to 6 and tells him about the stuff they have for the show that day. He said today Gary was clearing his throat in an unnatural way. Howard said he'd guess it was at least 7 or 8 times. Gary said it's more than that. Howard said Gary says he doesn't get phlegm in his throat the rest of the day. Howard said he wants to throw up when he does it.
Howard played the tape and Gary coughed and tried to clear his throat without being too obvious. Howard said that he was trying not to freak out about it. Gary kept coughing to clear his throat. Howard said he has little moments where he's making a sound like a frog. Then Brian starts coughing and JD even coughs.
Howard said he was trying to eat an egg sandwich while that was going on. JD said that by the time he starts to talk Howard is done eating. JD was actually going home sick a couple of days. JD said he's fine now. Howard said he shouldn't be in there if he's sick. JD said he's not sick now.
Howard said he felt like he was in an infirmary. He told Robin she's lucky to be in that booth every morning. Howard played a song parody that Sal and Richard created about Gary's throat clearing.
Howard said he thinks this concert was in Brazil. He said some guy was holding up a picture of Kurt Cobain and it pissed Courtney off so much that she walked off stage. Howard played the clip and Courtney said she has to live with his ghost and kid every day. Howard said she's a trip. She just insulted her own kid. Courtney told the guy that this guy didn't get kicked out of a band like Dave did. She told the guy to go see the Foo Fighters and do that shit. Then she said they were going to leave. Howard said he thinks that Dave would dig it if someone held up a picture of Kurt.
Howard said Courtney did leave but then she came back. Howard had audio of a guy asking the crowd if they wanted her back. The guy said that they had to repeat after her and say ''The Foo Fighters are gay.'' They didn't understand so a translator had to come out and tell them.
Howard said Courtney was bashing Dave Grohl and then she went and did an interview. Courtney was talking about how she doesn't need to see pictures of Kurt. She said that Dave Grohl doesn't need the money from Nirvana and she's not sure why he still takes a cut. Howard said that's what Sirius' argument is going to be with him in court.
Howard said he thinks that Dave deserves that money more than Courtney does. Courtney said that her sister-in-law is homeless and Dave just bought an Aston Martin. She said that it pisses her off that her mother-in-law doesn't have a front door and Dave just bought an Aston Martin. She said she will walk off stage if people say they like Nirvana. Courtney said that Dave didn't write one note of music for the band. She said she knows that Dave knows that she knows. Howard said Dave is just taking his cut and he doesn't have the publishing. Gary said that he's not getting 5 million per show either.
Howard said he'd have Courtney on the show but it might be kind of ponderous to have her going on and on. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he's just doing his other job during the commercials. He jokingly said he works a construction company and just took on a new project there.
Howard said that they're going to have Sharon Osbourne, Sara Gilbert and Julie Chen on the show soon. Howard said that he and Julie are fine after the whole lawsuit at CBS. He said that he and Les Moonves are fine too. He said that lawsuit was the best thing that ever happened to him anyway.
Howard mentioned that they're still looking for the Hottest Chick married to the Oldest Fart. He said you can find out more about how to enter at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said he was reading about Kirstie Alley getting fat again and how her boyfriend is trying to keep her thin by taping a picture of her at her fattest to her refrigerator. Howard said that wouldn't go over very well with some people. He said that's probably not a good idea to do that with your own wife.
Howard said Rikki Lake lost a lot of weight on Dancing with the Stars. He said she claims to be a size 4 but there's no way that's true. He said she still needs to lose about 15 pounds.
Howard said David Arquette is still dancing now that the show is over. He said he was on his way to a dance lesson the other night after they had dinner together. Howard said he met David's new girlfriend. He said David didn't drink while the rest of them did. Howard said he told Beth that maybe they shouldn't drink but then he said fuck that and had some drinks. Howard said David had some green tea or something like that.
Howard read some email about Benjy looking like a douche these days. Howard said he got some email about Sal and Richard's calls not being funny yesterday.
Howard said High Pitch Mike is still getting a lot of shit about what he said about the veterans. Howard said that people were pointing out that even cooks in the military can get blown up. He read through some of those emails where people went off on Mike for his comments.
Howard said someone pointed out that, in the new Fine Time Howard TV series, Rachel Fine was asking Sal to keep his eyes up above her chest but meanwhile she was wearing a very revealing dress. Howard said that he makes a good point. He said that she does wear some really revealing stuff. He said that's what the fans like though.
Howard said they got some feedback about KC being on the show yesterday too. He quickly read one of those.
Howard took another call from a guy who had been on the phone 3 days straight and he wasn't there. Howard took one from Jeff the Drunk instead. Jeff asked if they have figured out a plan for him to come down yet. Howard asked Gary if he had anything. Gary said he doesn't have anything right now. Howard said they do have him on the list and they are keeping him in mind. Jeff said ''Alright...''
Howard said he read this story about a woman who had her boyfriend tattoo her back for her. He was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia but he ended up making it a pile of shit with flies around it. Robin said that's not right. Howard said the guy found out she had cheated with a friend of his and that was his way to get even with her. Howard said that she tried to have the guy arrested for assault but he had her sign a release that said the art was at the discretion of the artist.
Howard said that he was reading a book about MTV and how it got started. He said the book is very easy to read. He said it's just short little excerpts from various people. He said Karen Duffy was a VJ back in the day and she says that MTV kept them on their toes. She was on a 6 week contract there. Howard read some of what she said about that and then read about her going on the Howard Stern Show. She said that MTV offered her a big contract after hearing her on the Stern Show. Howard said that he brings this up because people don't realize the power of this show. Howard said it's his way of saying this show is very powerful. Howard said Chaz said he wanted to do a talk show and people listened. He may get it.
Howard said that Piers Morgan was doing his show and talking about Patrice O'Neal. Piers called him ''She'' during the discussion about his death. Piers introduced a clip saying ''she'' and then corrected himself when he came back saying he was a very funny guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Courtney Love again. He said that she used to live with Neil Strauss. He said he'd like that book about how he picked up girls. Howard said Gary was pitching him some guests for the show and one of them was a Playboy model who lived with Neil. Howard said Neil is an average looking guy but he gets a lot of women. He said he knows how to do it. He said it's kind of crazy.
Howard said Neil hit him up the other day and said he's getting his own show there at Sirius thanks to him. The caller said that Neil talks about how Courtney would act in his house. Howard said he likes Courtney a lot but she would be a handful to live with.
Howard said the topic was about winter. Robin said that's what she requested. Ronnie said he swears to god he wrote this too. He said he swears on his whole family that he wrote it. JD came in so Howard let him read it. Ronnie told him to read it the way it should be read.
JD read the poem and stumbled a few times as he started. Howard and Fred were goofing on him immediately. JD was also cracking up reading it. Ronnie said it's not funny. JD read the line ''Winter is when there are no leaves on the trees...'' and started laughing.
JD tried reading more but he was laughing so hard he couldn't get it out. He said the next line was ''Winter is when we say goodbye to the birds and the bees.'' Everyone was laughing. Ronnie told them to have Jason read it. JD kept going. Here's the poem:
Winter is when there are no leaves on the trees. Howard said this was poetry for 2 year old. He said there should be more to it than this. Fred added a few lines to the poem as he was arguing. Howard said he liked the poetry. Fred had more lines that he threw in. Ronnie said he wanted Fred to read it as him. Howard said they'll do that on Monday. Howard had Fred do it even though they didn't have time. Fred got out 3 lines and Howard made him stop.
Howard said he should try that. Fuck everyone. Mutt said he didn't mean to get him all upset. Howard said they didn't write in the contract that it had to be New York time. He said he's not even sure if it specifies what time. Robin said she'd like to start at 8. Howard said they'd be done by noon. Howard said he'll lawyer up for that fight. Howard said he's going to do that... then he said he's too honorable to do that.
Mutt said they'll talk about Sal and Richard turning in crap. He said that they'll look at how the guys should handle that. He said they'll also talk about Isaac the Super Jew who called in a couple of times this week. Mutt said they're going to talk about the Benjy Makeover and how Howard is worried about that. Mutt asked if he has to wear his hat in bed. Benjy said he puts a knit cap on. Mutt wrapped up and said that he's glad he got to talk to them again. Howard said that Mutt will get a chance to talk to them for the next two weeks.
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Robin read about Nicholas Cage selling his comic book that he got $2.1 million for. Howard said that's the one investment that he made that was a good investment. Howard said he had the woman on the phone who paid that 2.1 million for. It was Wendy the Retard. Wendy was coughing up a lung as she was talking to them. She said she was eating a turkey sandwich. Howard said she's really heavy now. He said she used to have a cute little figure years ago but now she's big. She said she's 230 pounds and 5'5'' tall. Howard asked her about using the comic book to wipe herself. Wendy confirmed that she did that.
Howard asked Wendy why she needs money all the time but she's constantly eating. Wendy said they get food from dumpsters. Wendy said they got this turkey from her aunt. Howard asked what the best thing she found in a dumpster was. Wendy said ''lots of sweet stuff.'' She said they found pumpkin pie, blueberry pie... Howard asked if there are bites taken out of it. Wendy said there are. She said that they have found all kinds of other pies and cakes too.
Howard asked how many dumpsters she goes to a day. Wendy said they go to 3 a day. Howard asked if she's ever taken road kill home. Wendy said she hasn't but she would. Howard told Wendy he had to go. Wendy said he has a question. She said she's been working her butt off and she has a job. Howard cut her off and said he doesn't have any money for her. Robin said they can't send her any because they'll cut her benefits. Wendy said they can send it to her in her mom's name. Howard said she just shot up 50 IQ points. He said maybe he should ask her about his contract.
Robin read more about Nick Cage and his comic book. Robin said they were talking about Siri yesterday and why it's not able to find abortion clinics when you ask it to search. Robin said they say that it's a glitch. Robin said they say that there are kinks still being worked out and this is still a beta project. Howard said he thinks that's bullshit. He said that's just a lame excuse. Howard pretended to try Siri out and asked it to find a bunch of things. He had phony recorded responses. He asked if it likes JD. Siri said that JD is fat and no one would search for him. He asked it to search for Fred, Jon Hein and Tim Sabean. It had goofy responses for all of them. Howard asked it about Benjy and Siri asked him not to say that fat, blotchy, loser's name again. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard said that story about the woman with the poop tattooed on her back is a fake story. Howard said he was also reading about the J-Lo Fiat commercial and the car broke down on the set. Howard said that she also had a stand in and shot it in Los Angeles and not in the Bronx like they made it appear. Howard said everything about the commercial is whacked out.
Robin read a story about a guy who forgot to put his baby in his car before driving off. He got 3 of the kids in but left the infant behind for about 3 minutes.
Robin asked if American cars are awful cars or not. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he has an Audi that he got from Wayne Seagal years ago. He said he has like 6,000 miles on it. The truck he has only has about 4,000 miles. He said he drives around once in a while but not a lot. Robin said that they have a survey out for Consumer Reports and the Chevy Volt takes first place in customer satisfaction. That led to Fred doing more poetry as Ronnie. This time it was about the Chevy Volt. Fred told Howard that American cars are getting better and they're not as bad as they used to be. Howard asked how he knows all of this. Fred said he reads things on the internet. He said he's always going through the news and he checks in with the stuff that interests him.
Robin said there's a British show called Top Gear and they always denigrate American cars. She said they like European cars and they're always saying that American cars have cheap interiors. Fred said it is getting better. Robin said the way they talk about them you'd think that no one should spend a dime on them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got his autographed calendar and it was beautifully packed. He said he wanted to thank Howard for that. Howard said you can get them on the North Shore Animal League web site AnimalLeague.org. Howard said he had to autograph 1000 of those things.
Robin read about how Ford, GM and Chrysler are going to be adding jobs out in Michigan over the next few years.
Robin read about a fun loving weather man who is dead now. Robin had some audio of him doing a weather report. Robin said that they say that this guy, Don Harman, committed suicide. He was only 41 years old. Robin said that fun guy thing was only an act.
Robin read about a sheriff in Colorado who is in jail and he's in the jail that's named after him. He said that he was arrested for trading meth for sex with a man. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that. Robin had audio of the guy's daughter talking about how shocked she was about the story.
Robin had some audio of a guy walking about how HIV is still a problem in this country and people have to practice safe sex. Howard said he talks to guys who are having sex with strangers without protection and they really have to be careful.
Robin read about the guy who was caught looking at child porn on a flight. Robin said that she has audio of the guy who caught the guy. The guy turned in the professor when he saw him looking at the child porn. The kids were having sex with adults in the pictures. Robin said that the guy told the flight attendants what was going on and called his son to call the police so they'd be there to catch the guy. Howard wondered if the guy was jerking off in his seat or not. Robin said the guy documented what he was seeing with his cell phone.
Robin read about John Hinkley Jr. is still trying to get out of a mental hospital and they're in day 2 of their arguments. Howard said he'd have an answer in 2 seconds. Howard said he tried to kill the president and ruined Jim Brady's life.
Robin read about how Donald Trump is out to promote another season of Celebrity Apprentice by complaining about President Obama holding up traffic in New York City. Robin had some audio of Trump going off on Obama in a YouTube video.
Robin had some audio of Newt Gingrich talking about how he wants to debate Obama and if he doesn't then he's going to make speeches wherever Obama goes.
Robin had some audio of Herman Cain making a speech to his followers. Robin said that he's reassessing his run right now because of this woman who has come out and claimed that he's had an affair with her for 13 years. Howard said they may have Herman Cain sit in next week. He said he thinks that he's a bright guy but he thinks that Mitt Romney will be the only one who can get that nomination. He said he flip-flops a lot but he doesn't have all of these other things going on in his life. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Romney and his Mormon background. Robin said that apparently a lot of people don't like the Mormon religion.
Robin had some audio of Obama talking about a tax cut he's trying to get passed. He said if it doesn't pass then taxes could go up by $1000 for a middle class family.
Robin read about how a circus was fined for animal abuse. She had some details about that story and how poorly they treat their elephants. Howard said he loves elephants. Howard said he treats his animals very well. He asked Gary if he thinks he treats him well. Gary said he does. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody and some clips of Gary clearing his throat. He also threw in some monkey sounds.
Robin read about how the protesters in the Occupy Wall Street movement are going to be moving south. They're heading down to Atlanta. Robin said the protesters in L.A. have been moved as well.
Robin read about a hearing that's being held today about insider trading in the senate. Robin said that they can do it legally and 60 Minutes exposed this recently.
Robin read about this missing baby and authorities are searching an area based on a psychic's reading. Howard said that should work out well. Robin said she described some property near a casino in her vision. Robin said that she lives in Texas and has never been to Kansas before. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about the area they were searching and how she was describing it. Robin said this child vanished on October 4th and they think that she may have died accidentally in the family home. Robin said this woman also foretold the names of people in the case.
Robin read about Bill Cosby being on the Tonight Show last night. Robin had some audio of Cosby talking to Leno. Cosby was joking about a recipe he got for stuffing and it turned out to be Stove Top Stuffing.
Robin said that the Moody Blues are going out on tour. She said that they'll be out next spring. Robin had Howard play a second of their music.
Robin said that Dane Cook in a movie after taking a break from comedy for a while. She had some audio of him talking about the time he took off. Howard said someone sent him a note about him dating Nicole Scherzinger. Howard said he'd love to know what that was like. The guys told Howard he actually told them about it on the show. Howard asked what he said about her. Will said he was up for talking about her but Howard didn't know who she was at the time. Howard told Will to get him on the phone for Monday's show. Howard wondered how any man can hold out with her.
Robin said there's a new movie coming out called ''Shame'' and she had some audio of one of the actors talking about that. Howard said he's pretty sure he won't care what he has to say. He was right. The guy was describing someone as a very ''Visheral, visheral'' man. Howard didn't know what he was trying to say there.
Robin read about another movie that's out that Roman Polansky directed. Howard said that movie sucked. He said it was so boring. Howard said they just sit in a room talking for two hours. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about working with Polansky on the movie. Howard goofed on that guy for a short time. He did an impression of the guy's weird delivery. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
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Howard had Captain Janks on the phone. He said that he made a call to CNN the other day and after that they made an apology on air. Howard played the clip and they were explaining how they thought they were taking a call from Gregory Porter. They said that CNN regrets the mistake and apologizes to Mr. Porter. Howard pointed out they were playing that weird sound in that clip. Howard said Captain Janks is a star. Janks said that you can follow him @captainjanks on Twitter.
Howard said that Gary's son Jackson was playing in a football game that was televised. Howard said they had to mention that Gary was his father. Gary said that some of the guys call him ''Baby Booey.'' Howard said that's not right.
Howard said he has a tape of Ellen Degeneres and how she has devoted her life to doing comedy that doesn't hurt anyone. Howard said he also has tape of Courtney Love yelling at people at a concert. Robin wanted to hear that first. Howard said Courtney is irritated by a lot of things and she used to call him leaving 15 minute long messages for him on his voice mail. He said he used to play them on the air but people asked him to stop.
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a guy using Ed McMahon audio clips. Fred also played an acoustic version of John Mellencamp's ''Small Town'' as they were coming back.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked them for doing 4 days this week. Howard said that's their Christmas gift to the fans.
Howard asked if they ever talked more about Ronnie's poetry. Robin said they haven't heard anything about it since they brought it up. Howard said he would like to know if he's bringing it in. Ronnie came in and said he is working on a poem. He said he's done with it but he won't read it. He said someone else has to read it. Howard said he'll read it then. Ronnie said he hasn't written poetry in years. Gary said JD said he would like to read it.
Winter is when we say goodbye to the birds and the bees.
Winter is when is when we get an extra hour of Z's.
Winter is when a red suited man brings us all lots of glee.
Winter is when the snow falls and we yell happy new year.
Winter is when you turn a special girl or guy's heart bright red with cheer until next year.
Winter goes away when the birds and the trees and the birds and the bees go back to where they should be. Winter spring.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects after he stopped laughing at Ronnie's poem. Jon quickly ran through all of that stuff. Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to plug tonight's show. Mutt said that Howard sounds like he's ready to do the show later in the morning. Howard said he would like to but he's going to honor his contract even though the company doesn't honor theirs with him. Howard said he should just start he show at 7. He said they can take him to court and he can say it doesn't specify that he has to start at 6am in New York. Howard wonders why he plays by the rules around there and no one else does.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Christmas song parody about her. Robin started her news with a story about how Fiat has settled with the graffiti artist who complained that his art was used in their commercial. Howard said that J-Lo is driving around in her Fiat in the commercial and for 2 seconds she drives by a wall with graffiti on it and this artist complained. Robin said that the question is whether or not the building is defaced. Robin said that they work for big brands and their work has been featured by the Smithsonian and they do have permission in those cases. Howard said if you put it out on the street then it's out there for everyone.
Jon asked when he first pointed it out. Gary said he talked about it maybe 9 or 10 years ago. Jon said Howard doesn't want to deal with it but Gary told him he'll have to. Benjy said he's had friends who were constant throat clearer's and it can get kind of annoying. Benjy said some people think that it could be a nerve thing or a tourette's thing. Gary said the only person who has an issue with it is Howard. Gary said he did text his doctor and asked him for someone to call. He said part of him feels like Howard will hear it in the car and think he's an idiot because he's really just breaking his balls.
Jon said that some of the other guys have noticed it in the office. He said there's nothing Gary knows he can do about it but Howard would probably like that he's looking into it. Gary said that he doesn't like that Howard thinks he's ridiculously unhealthy just because of this.
Jon said that he didn't get Brian saying that his throat clearing made him cough. He said that he didn't know he did it so much though. He cleared his throat 13 times. Benjy asked if he's going to take something for it if the doctor says he can help. Gary said if this is something that he has to do something that affects his health he'd do it.
JD came in and said he can hear Gary in the hall clearing his throat and it's pretty loud. Gary said it only happens once or twice a morning at the most. Sometimes it's not at all. JD said he didn't notice Gary doing it this morning. He said maybe it's just habit.
Jon wondered if it was the calendar thing that led to him doing it today. Gary said that Howard wrote this down while he was in the studio this morning. Gary said he'll hide behind Brian as he's moving around i the studio to try and hide his cough. Gary said he figured if he moved behind him that he might hide the sound.
Brian said that the actual cough he did was right before Gary was about to cough. He actually saw that Gary stopped himself from coughing when he coughed. He said he had to hold one in for about 5 minutes. He said he knew Howard would say something. He said Gary was going crazy though.
Benjy asked Gary if he does it on the weekends. Gary said he doesn't know because his wife doesn't say that he's making her sick and he should go die. Gary said sometimes he thinks that if he and Howard are in a conversation he may not do it. Jon said they'll have to check the tape on that.
Gary said Shuli came to him and told him that he does another thing but he didn't want to throw him under the bus. Gary said that's probably the way he wiggles his watch when he walks down the hall. Gary said Tim comes in and rearranges the pillows on the couch. He said that ended up costing Tim $1,500 when he knocked over Fred's guitar moving the pillows around. He had to send it out to get refurbished.
Jon said that he has noticed that Jason mouths things in clips when Howard is playing them. Gary said that Jason also has that laugh. Brian said that he laughed at something today that was way too hard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to clear his throat a lot and his doctor said that he has an oversized uvula. He didn't have it fixed though. Benjy ended up trying to inspect his uvula so JD was laughing his ass off.
The caller asked why Bubba wasn't re-signed with Sirius. Gary said he's not sure what happened there. He said he's guessing that it was over money.
Ronnie came in and Jon congratulated him on the poem. Ronnie said he knew that he would get hammered no matter what. He said that even if it was a professional poem he would have gotten hammered. He said that if Jason had done it then it would have been good. He said ''Jason would have did a good job.'' Ronnie said he thinks it's funnier when someone else reads it. Jon asked him to read the poem. Ronnie read two lines and then handed it over to Jason.
Jon said he thinks Ronnie still has some of the poems he gave to girls when he was younger. Ronnie said he gave the poems to the women he wrote them for. Gary asked if he ever repeated his stuff. Ronnie said he did. He said he would alter it a bit for the girl depending on their eye and hair color.
Ronnie didn't want to give away the template poem he has for women. Benjy wanted him to write something for him to give to Elisa. Ronnie said he can do that.
Jon asked JD why he wanted to read the poem today. JD said he just wanted to be a part of that whole thing. He said it was just as great as he thought it would be. Ronnie said he wrote it in the bathroom and it was quiet in there. He said that he can't have anyone around when he's writing. He said he was actually going to the bathroom when he wrote it. He brought in a pad and pen and started scribbling things out. He said he was taking stuff out and putting stuff in. He said the piece of paper isn't the one he wrote it on in the bathroom. Ronnie spent a minute telling the guys how he wrote it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that the whole thing sounded very ''white'' when Lisa did it. Jon said Lisa really owns it when she's doing it. Benjy asked if she was one of the main people on the show when she was on. JD said she got chased down the street one time. She told that story on the air.
Jon said he'd like to know how involved she was too. He said he'll try to get her down there. Gary said he knew her back then and she always gave the vibe like she didn't want to be bothered. He said that it just wasn't her thing. Jon asked if the guys believe that she's never fucked a black guy. Jason said he believes that and that she's never fucked an Asian guy or a Hispanic guy or any guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is breaking Gary's balls about his throat clearing but Howard smacks his lips when he starts a sentence. Gary said he swears he's never noticed that but he has gotten emails about it.
Lisa came in so Jon asked how involved she was with that morning show. Lisa said it was the three of them and she was in there the whole show. Lisa said she did some news and stuff but all three of them did different things. Gary asked if she was brought into the show or did someone come up with the idea to put the three of them together. Lisa said she was working there and the hosts were fired so they told her they were going to bring in Ed and Dre and she was supposed to teach them about doing radio. She said they were just thrown in together. Lisa said they hit it off very well.
Benjy asked Lisa if she makes more now or back then. Lisa said they always complained about the kind of money they were making with advertising. Lisa didn't want to talk about if she's making more than she did back then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't really remember Lisa G from Hot 97. He said it was more Ed and Dre yelling on the mics. Lisa said she was there. Lisa said they got reunited on Power 105 years later and they used to try and explain to management that Howard stern was number one and he played no music at all. She said they didn't listen and made them play music.
Gary asked who the crew was before Ed and Dre. Lisa said that it was Howard and Stephanie. She told the guys what they're up to now.
Jon asked when the pinnacle of her career was. Lisa said it was like 1995 to 1999. She said it was a lot of work back then. She said that's what she remembers from it. She said she does look back on it fondly.
Lisa said she wrote up a treatment about her life in hip hop and CAA likes it and they're looking for a show runner for it. Jon said that's very exciting. He had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to ask Benjy about his hat and if he ever takes it off. Benjy said he keeps it on all the time. He wears a knit hat in bed. Gary said he can't possibly do that. Benjy said he does. He will be wearing a hat to the holiday party. He said he won't go if there's a rule about not wearing a hat. Gary asked if Elisa is looking forward to the party. Benjy said she is.
Benjy said he's having fun getting dressed up and stuff. He said people keep telling him to be himself and he thinks that he's got some great styling ideas. He said that he thinks he's on the verge of being cute. He asked the guys if they think he is or not. Jon said he does look better but he's taking dramatic, drastic steps. Benjy said ''So what!'' Jon said he finds it odd that he has to wear a hat no matter what. He asked if she's not going to like him anymore if he takes it off. Benjy said he thinks he looks better with the hat on and he wants to look his best when he's around her. He said she inspires him to do that.
Ronnie asked if he's going to wear a hat at his wedding. Benjy said maybe by then they'll have a stem cell thing to fix his baldness.
Jason said Benjy has worn a hat a long as he can remember. He said he always wears one. Jon said he can't believe that he keeps one on at home though. Jason said he can't possibly keep it up the whole time. Benjy said he loves Elisa and this is fun. Jason told him to love himself. Benjy said he does. He said they're being fucking ridiculous. Benjy asked Gary about his teeth and if he felt the need to show his wife what's under them. Gary said that's a ridiculous analogy. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.