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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show wishing everyone a happy Halloween. Howard said he was scared by a costume but he said that was just Fred. Howard talked about the song they start the show with where he and Rob Zombie cursed up a storm.
Robin said they're saying that if you put profanity on the cover of a book it helps sales. Howard said now you can do it all. She said everything changes. Howard said he bought Tom Sawyer just for the cursing in that. He said they can curse all the want there. Howard said that he's run out of things to say already.
Howard said that on cable channels they can curse all they want but they do a self imposed thing where they don't curse. He said that Comedy Central does just about every word but cunt and fuck. Howard said they kind of bleep the way they used to at K-Rock where you could kind of hear the word. He said that he told Tom that he didn't know what he was talking about but he knew.
Howard said he can't stand Broadway musicals and the whole experience. He said someone sent him a copy from South Park where they did a parody of musicals. Howard played a clip in the clip they sing about blow jobs. Howard said that's what all musicals sound like to him.
Howard said he slept all weekend and he doesn't like getting up at 4am. He said he had a lazy weekend and then he has to get up at 4 in the morning. Howard said it's kind of crazy. That's the biggest negative about their jobs.
Howard said it's been like 10 years and Jackie hasn't learned a thing. Robin said that's the beauty of Jackie. Howard said he has not figured it out. He said people don't change. Robin said some do but not Jackie. Howard said that's fair enough.
Howard played the clip and Mutt tells Jackie that Howard would say that he just left them hanging by walking off the show. Howard cut it off and said that he would never say that to Jackie. Then Jackie says that when he's out ''negotiating...'' and Howard cut it off again. Howard said that everyone there was able to negotiate without walking out the door. Robin said they never knew if he was going to show up. Howard said Mutt knew that they'd get worked up again hearing this.
Howard played more of Jackie talking about how he was trying to negotiate and they didn't hear back from Tom for 2 months. Howard cut it off again and said that Jackie and his lawyer got one final offer and that's what they were left with. Howard said that was it for Jackie and they told him to take it or leave it. He said Jackie was not working and he was out ''negotiating'' and they thought that they weren't going to replace him. Howard said 2 months later it was over. He said that they meant it when they said it was the final offer.
Jackie talked about how he wasn't going to come in on the following Monday and they told him he was making a mistake. Robin said this was all getting confused. Robin said that Jackie did this for many years. He would walk off and not tell them. Howard said that Jackie leaving was fine with him. He said he couldn't take the constant problems. Robin said he calls himself professional too.
Howard played more of the clip and Jackie said that Howard was saying he didn't want anything to do with the negotiations so he never called him about this one. Howard said Jackie would call him over every negotiation so he's full of shit. Howard said he didn't' want to be involved but he was involved every time. Howard said Jackie won't admit one thing. He left the show thinking that the show would crumble without him. That didn't happen and Jackie thought he was going to call him. He said that was never going to happen. Howard said Jackie was valuable to the show but not irreplaceable.
Howard played more of Jackie and Mutt talking about that whole thing. They were talking about how Robin and Fred get very upset when they talk about this. Robin said she doesn't take it personally though. Howard would cut it off and then get back to the clip. Jackie was saying that he gave it a break for 2 months and then he tried to take the offer and they said it was off the table by then. Howard said Jackie hasn't made that kind of money since he left the show.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hear more. She said she did. Howard played more of Jackie talking about how he was gone for ''only'' two months. Jackie said he feels bad he ended up off the show but he rolled the dice and it didn't work out. Jackie said that it wasn't a crime to leave the show. Howard said he agrees with that but then he did come back. Howard said he should stop using the show.
Jackie was talking about how he and his lawyer tried to work things out and it wasn't working to keep the Beatles together. Howard said the Beatles are together and Jackie isn't one of them. Howard said he should have looked at it more of like Saturday Night Live where a bunch of people write. Howard said the Beatles were all equals.
Jackie was talking about how he thought they'd come back to him and say something else. He said it was kind of rude the way they handled it. Howard said Tom came to him and said that he talked to Jackie about it and it was the final offer. Howard said they were very generous with Jackie. He said that he was a writer on the show and not the star. Howard said Tom said they had a final offer for him and that was that. Howard said he felt it was fair to Jackie.
Howard said they didn't want to go through the whole negotiation thing again. Howard said he thinks that they didn't call him back but they gave him a final offer and that was that.
Howard played another clip where Jackie talks about how everyone else was represented by Don Buchwald and that's just not the case. Howard said Jackie was being represented by his wife and Mel Karmazin didn't want anything to do with the two of them. Howard said Jackie was rubbing the company the wrong way. He said he suggested to Jackie not to use his wife as an agent. He said he suggested that Jackie use someone else and said he'd have Don give him a suggestion. Howard said he's not even blaming Nancy for all of this. He said he doesn't think that she was even talking to them. Howard said he thinks that Jackie and Mel may have been talking to each other. He said that they didn't like Jackie and they thought he was bad news. Howard said he is a nice guy but he was coming off horribly. Howard said he went to Jackie and told him maybe it should be someone else doing the negotiating. Howard said Don wasn't looking to represent Jackie.
Howard and Gary talked about how the Jackie thing went. Gary said that Nancy was working for Jackie in the comedy club world and not doing the negotiations for the radio show.
Howard played Jackie talking about how it didn't make sense to him being the fourth bird in line for a worm. He said it didn't seem comfortable. Mutt said that if it had been Don representing him then maybe it would still be the four of them. Jackie said he felt it was like negotiating for the group. He said that it didn't make sense to him. Howard said this was Jackie just staying away from the group again. He said he just can't see that.
Jackie was saying that some agents can't represent a certain number of players and that's what this was like. Howard said Jackie is always getting advice from someone else. He had to replay the clip so they could make sense of what Jackie was saying. Jackie said that his cousin almost became a pro baseball player. Howard and Robin were goofing on him about that. Howard laughed and said that this is where he's getting his information about agents.
Gary said that Jackie has talked about the conspiracy with the show. He said Jackie thought that Don got a big pot of money that he would distribute to the four of them. Howard said he doesn't care who represents Jackie as long as he had someone. He said that he just told Jackie to get someone other than himself. He said that he used to rub everyone the wrong way.
Howard said an agent has a certain finesse and that's what they're there for. Howard said Jackie didn't care. Howard said he had a guy on the phone who said they had talked about Jackie enough. Howard said he might be right.
Howard said he had a clip of Jackie talking about why he thinks he wasn't invited to his wedding. Howard played that clip and Jackie said that it was 10 years ago when he left the show. He said he talks to people and it seems to be as fresh as it was 10 years ago. Howard said it's really not that fresh. He said he doesn't really care. Jackie said he was friends with Howard for 18 years and he didn't get invited to his wedding. Jackie also said he was like half of Howard's brain. Howard said Jackie feels like he never got any credit. Howard said that he used to announce when he'd write a joke. Howard said Jackie wanted full credit on the air for his jokes. That's why he would laugh at his own jokes. Howard said Jackie thinks that he was half of his brain but he wasn't.
Howard said Jackie is nuts. He hadn't socialized with the guy in years and he's not that friendly with the guy. Howard said he likes him a lot but when he left they didn't party. Howard said that's why he wasn't invited to the wedding. Howard said that he doesn't socialize with a lot of people. He said he just sees them at work or whatever.
Robin said this is the stuff that bothers her. She said that Jackie thinks that he was half of Howard's braid so how are they limping along with half a brain. Howard said Jackie is half his brain tumor. Robin said he's like a cancer.
Howard said Jackie had another rant about Benjy being brought in as a writer. Howard played that one and Mutt asked Jackie about Benjy being brought in. Jackie said it didn't have anything to do with Jackie. He said they just told him one day he was going to sit in. He said it would be like having someone sitting in with Robin. Howard said that's a bad analogy. He said he's not sure who Jackie thinks he was. He said Fred was a writer on the show too. Howard said Jackie decided that he had the writing covered. Howard said maybe he thought Jackie didn't. He said maybe he thought it wasn't enough. He's not sure why Jackie cares.
Howard played more of the clip and Jackie was talking about how he had to read other writer's material so he could pass it along to Howard. He said it was a lot of work. Jackie said he would write something and sometimes he wouldn't look at the stuff that was coming in. He said that Benjy's stuff was funny but it was overkill. Howard said it was too much funny to Jackie.
Howard said that was Jackie on Superfan Roundtable. He saw that he had other clips too. He said it got him really worked up. He said it upsets him that he's his own worst enemy. Howard said Jackie could still be there if he had mellowed out back then. Howard said he could have settled for the good dough and just sat back and enjoyed it. Robin said it's better that he's away now. Howard said Mutt got everyone going but he did good. Robin said they should have Jackie on every week.
Howard said Jackie was talking about all kinds of things. He played another clip where Jackie talked about his wife and how they were trying to work out their marriage in counseling. Jackie said that he did that apology about Jessica Hahn to calm her down to get her on a vacation flight they were going to take. Jackie said Nancy didn't hear the Jessica Hahn thing that day so a bunch of her friends told her about that. Jackie said that he had to apologize to her and her friends over that. Howard said Nancy wasn't the problem in the negotiating. Howard said it was Jackie himself.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that you'd think that Jackie would want to keep them working together and not just walk off the show. Bobo said that he obviously didn't know what he had. Bobo said maybe Jackie branded himself as head writer and it went to his head. Howard said the only other writer at that time was Fred. He said he asked Fred if he minded and Fred said if it kept the show together he didn't mind it at all. Howard said that Fred was just as responsible for the show as Jackie was. Gary said Fred is a quiet guy but he thinks he was hurt by it. Fred said he wasn't hurt, he was annoyed.
Howard said the head writer is actually Howard. He said the title was irrelevant. He said it was really important to Jackie to have that title. He said he wanted to be better than Fred or something. Robin said that he seems to think that he's like what Larry David is to Jerry Seinfeld.
Howard said no one else was even there writing so it was funny to him that he wanted that title. Howard said that he would be writing with them and he wasn't sure if he should be checking in with him.
Howard thanked Bobo for the call and said that he has to get through every day or he doesn't feel good. He took another call from a guy who said it was enough already about Jackie. The caller said he loves the show but two weeks after the Jackie thing he emailed him and he asked him what the fuck he was thinking. He said he got a response back from him and all it said was ''great email.'' He said that's it. Howard said he thought he didn't want to talk about Jackie anymore. The guy's wife said ''I love you Howard!'' in the background. The caller said he actually loves hearing about Jackie. The wife was still yelling to Howard saying that she loves him. Howard asked if she's hot. The guy said she is very good looking.
Howard said that now they're getting back on Jackie. The caller asked about Artie and if the show is harder to do without anyone there. Howard said he likes the group they have now. He said he feels good about being there. He said he doesn't feel they need anyone but it could happen again if they get someone in there. Howard said they have fun doing it.
The caller was talking about Artie and seeing Robin out in a Pedicab or something. Howard said he loves Artie too but he had to let the guy go when he was going on and on.
Howard went over what they had learned about Jackie from those clips. Howard and Robin goofed on him a little more about some of that stuff. Howard said he doesn't understand why Jackie thinks he should have been invited to his wedding. Howard said that he has invited him to things and Jackie thanks him like it was some big deal. Howard said he has some crazy stories. Howard said there are a lot of people who gave him advice but Jackie should have listened to him and he could have done exceptionally well.
Robin said the crazy thing is that he had left many times before and nothing happened. She's not sure why he thought something big was going to happen. Howard said Jackie thought his career was going to be huge. He said that he thinks he could have done his own show and had his own Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said Jackie also thought that working on the show kept him from being hired on other shows. Fred was playing Jackie laughs behind Howard as he was going off on him.
Howard said they did a roast show once and Jackie thought he told everyone there not to laugh. He said he didn't do that. Jackie thought he had and accused him of doing it. Howard said Jackie got up and got crickets while everyone else was getting laughs. Jackie thought he had sabotaged his performance. Howard said that's how Jackie got through things. Howard said he'd had it by the time he left the show.
Howard said Jackie would send out packets of information saying he was ready to work. He said someone called him once saying that they got this packet from him saying he was ready to work. Howard said he was fine with it if Jackie had wanted to leave. Howard said no one was going to hire him though. Howard said Jackie wanted to go out and punch up scripts.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he gives Jackie so many chances. Howard said he thought he was super talented and he really liked the guy. He said there was something simpatico between them. Howard said back then he thought that Jackie was his own worst enemy. He said that he knew what he was walking away from too. He said it was like watching someone committing suicide and he'd try to help the guy and tell him lief was worth living. Robin said he's the kind of guy who would pull you down if he was drowning though. Howard said he thought of the guy as a friend and he thought he was a little out of it and didn't know he had something good going. Howard said if you have something good then you have to understand what you're giving up.
Robin said Howard has given people advice about what to do with their TV shows and things like that. They should stick with it and milk it. Howard said Ashton Kutcher is doing better than Charlie Sheen was doing on Two and a Half Men. Howard said Charlie must be kicking himself in the ass over that whole thing. Howard said he had the cushiest job in the business. Howard said he'd look at Jackie and wonder what he was thinking. Howard said he'd give the guy advice and try to talk sense to him. He said Jackie had no idea what he had. He said this kind of opportunity doesn't come along all the time.
Howard said he told Jackie that he had friends who were trying to suck him down. Jackie thought he was trying to keep all the money for himself and that he was the enemy. Howard said he told Jackie he cared about him but he didn't want to believe it.
Gary told Howard that Jason was asking about the roast that Jackie didn't get any laughs at. He said JD pulled the clip and there were some funny jokes there. Gary said Jackie did almost the same lame jokes he pulled out of a bad joke book.
Howard played the clip from the WWOR TV show where Jackie came out to do his set. Howard said he wanted to interject a few things to help make it funny. He told Jackie to do his thing and we'll see how funny he can be. Jackie did his thing and there were a few chuckles in the audience but no laughter. Jackie was laughing more than the audience.
Howard said that was painful. Gary said Jackie walked off the show the following Monday. He said that they wouldn't admit they rigged the audience so Jackie walked off. He said that he left the show because he thought they were lying. Howard said it was so elaborate that they had to give him bad jokes and rig the audience not to laugh at the bad jokes.
Howard said Mutt did a good job with Jackie. The caller said that Jackie should have been on his hands and knees begging for his job. Howard said it wasn't that bad. He said he should have just gone with it and stuck with something good.
Howard said when you have something good you should just thank God for it. Howard said Jackie could have done things on the side and then gone off to do them when he wanted to leave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's all riled up about Jackie. He also said that guy J.R. on Dancing with the Stars is only burned up on 40 percent of his body. Howard said the guy doesn't whine at all about it. Howard said everyone else makes a big deal about it because it is a big deal. Howard said the guy lost his ear and his face is burned up. The caller said that he doesn't see it as a major deal. Howard said this caller is a cold dude. Howard said that he must be yanking him. The caller said he is.
The caller said that he was driving down to Florida once... Howard cut him off and said he's really wasting his time today. He asked what kind of call that is. He said it's such a dumb thing to say.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever went trick or treating as a child. Howard said he was a very little boy when he did. He said that he must have been 3 or something. Howard said maybe he was 5. Howard said his father carried him to a few homes because it was raining. He said he thinks that was the last time he interacted with him.
Howard said he had some friends who would do things like throw stuff at houses and soap them up. He said he remembers lighting off some firecrackers and stuff and they had the cops looking for them. Howard said his mother never wanted him to do anything like that.
Howard said he doesn't recall much joy as a child. He said he doesn't remember much joy about him when he was a kid. He said he didn't have one friend when he was in Roosevelt. Howard said that his mother told him that he had one friend, her. Howard said that it just keeps getting better and better. He said he's locked in his own brain.
Howard said Robin didn't sound like herself. Robin said she didn't change her voice that much. Howard said it was different enough that it didn't sound like her. Howard said he was going to turn around and pretend that he was deaf. Howard said she was coming on to him. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he saw the show Grimm and he thought it was really good. Robin said it god bad reviews so she didn't tune in. Howard said he thought it was pretty good actually. Robin said she saw a preview and it looked good.
Howard said he spent most of the weekend listening to that channel on Sirius that he likes. He said that it's called Deep Cuts. He said he loves that station. He said Meg Griffin does a show there. Robin said she's quit so many times that she's not sure when she's working there. Howard said that she's there and she can play what she wants there. He said he likes it too. Howard said he heard them playing a Moody Blues song that he liked. Robin said she was never a big Moody Blues fan. Howard said he loved this song as a kid. He said that it was the theme song for a guy on WMCA that he listened to. The song was ''The Best Way To Travel.''
Robin said she doesn't like the sound of this song. Howard said he loves it. Fred wasn't all that into it either. Howard said you have to hear this part on the headphones. He said if you were really stoned it would freak you out when you heard it in the headphones. Howard asked Robin how she didn't get into this. Robin said she doesn't like the sound of an organ.
Howard asked Robin if she watched Beavis and Butt-Head. Robin said she didn't but she did watch that George Harrison special. Howard said he doesn't understand how Robin doesn't like this song. He said it's really cool when you're fucked up.
Howard said they were talking about this trip they were going to go on and Beth said she had this thought about Bianca getting old and the other animals they have to take care of. Howard said one cat needs eye drops 3 times a day and then have another one on medication. Apple is on a bunch of meds and Walter is the only one that's healthy. Howard said Beth is worried to go away. Howard said that was music to his ears. He said they were going to go to Mexico or something like that and he said he was willing to give up his vacation for the pets. He said he loves being home and being locked up in the house or whatever. He said he's safe and secure in there so they're not going away.
Howard said he's planning a Thanksgiving dinner but not on Thanksgiving. He said he has to get in touch with everyone and get them to show up. Howard said he knows his mother will have to see if they're free. He said that they're free every day so of course they'll be free. He did an impression of her yelling for Ben to talk to her about being free that day. Howard did his impression of his mother talking to him about that dinner and what that would be like. He had his mom asking what time and day and all of that. Howard said he doesn't have a time yet but he's trying to find out if they were available. Howard said it's all confusing to her and she'll end up calling his sister to ask what's going on. Howard said no one else in the family tries to get them together. Howard said he's the only one.
Robin said it's not Thanksgiving if you do it on another day. Howard said he knows. He doesn't care. He said he likes eating turkey and stuffing and all of that shit.
Howard asked Robin what she's doing for Thanksgiving. Robin said she's going to have some friends over. She said they're just going to have a few people over.
Howard said he's not going away over Christmas. He said he hates going to those resorts. He said that he doesn't want to lay in the sun and get skin cancer. He said you just lay there waiting for the next meal. He said you come home and realize just how cold it is anyway. He said that there are always problems. He said he loves being home and watching his TV. He said no hotel can replicate that. Howard said he won't even go off property when he goes to a resort. He said he'll stay in that hotel on that beach and that's it.
Howard said he lives in New York and he won't even go visit New York. He said he has some kind of fear or something. He said he doesn't have a curiosity or anything like that either.
Howard said he saw Captain America over the weekend. He really liked it. Robin said she liked it too. She said that they did change World War II but it was still fun to watch.
Howard said Sal's family had a second father and they didn't know about that. Sal came in and said that he met his brother in a casket. Sal said his father ran a pizzeria and he was working there. He said his father took a call and fainted. Sal said he was like 12 years old playing Pac Man in another place and his father got arrested. He said his mother got arrested too. He said she was clueless about what was going on. Sal said it was the most horrific thing in his life.
Sal said that when his dad got married to his mother he had already knocked up another woman who he told he was going to marry. His mother didn't know about the other woman. Howard asked if Sal thinks that his father was cool for doing all of that stuff. Sal said that he doesn't find it cool.
Howard asked Sal what his father was up to that got him arrested. Sal said he had a friend who was dealing in counterfeit money. He said that his dad did some transactions for him. He said he was a translator and he only did it for 3 months. He said that his dad went to jail for 3 months over that. He said they told his sister that dad was ''in college'' while he was in jail. They'd go visit him there and that's what college meant to his sister.
Sal said that his father had him bring in some extra shoes that he wanted. He said they switched them at the table and he didn't think it was that big of a deal but he could have gotten him in trouble.
Howard asked Sal if his mother had a clue what his dad was up to. Sal said she was clueless. Howard said that's why he believes Ruth Madoff didn't know what her husband was up to. Robin said she wasn't sure what to think about the suicide attempt. Howard said she was saying it was Ambien. He said you don't die from taking Ambien. Howard said that she must have been a ball buster. Sal said Bernie must be happy to be away from her.
Robin said everyone on the movie talks about him like he's the best thing ever. Howard said Eddie has to pull himself together.
King was saying that he'll buy a bootleg copy of that movie. Howard said that's not cool. He said he's not down with stealing like that. He said that the movie industry will go away if everyone steals it. He told King to just pay for the thing and go see it. King thought he meant that he should pay the guy who bootlegs it. Robin said that the movie company doesn't get that money.
King talked about that weird moustache Eddie has and how it looks too manicured. Howard said he knows what he means. King said that it's also jet black and it doesn't make sense. Howard said he still has jet black hair.
Gary said his son asked him recently if Eddie was ever funny. He said that hurt when he heard it. He said he wanted to show him some of Eddie's earlier stuff to show that he was funny. Howard mentioned that Ben Stiller will be in to promote the movie this week.
Lisa said that Gilbert Gottfried is going to be on Law and Order SVU and he spoke to them about that part he'll be playing. She had some quotes from him. He'll be on starting November 30th.
Lisa said that Kal Penn was up there saying that he's a big fan of Howard's and he's been listening for years and years. Lisa said that they also reunited him with Richard Christy while he was up there.
Lisa said there's an online campaign to get Ronnie on Good Day L.A. that's being run by MundFanNetwork. Lisa said Ronnie will be out in L.A. soon so they're trying to get him on the show. Howard said Ronnie had a birthday party at Rick's Cabaret recently. Lisa said he got a couple of bracelets from his girlfriend that were very nice. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie was Mambo'd up this morning. He said it was a weird smell. He said he had never smelled it before.
Ronnie came in and said that it was actually window cleaner from the car wash. He said they sprayed that stuff on and that's where the smell came from. Howard asked Ronnie why he wants to be on Good Day L.A. Ronnie said he doesn't want to be on it. He said that this MundFanNetwork guy is the one doing it. He said the guy puts up stuff on Twitter. He'll send stuff to Leonardo DiCaprio and Steven Spielberg about putting him in a movie.
Ronnie said that he's going out to L.A. to do some stuff for FOX. He said they're flying him out first class for a UFC fight thing. He's going to walk the red carpet and all of that. Ronnie said that he'd go on Good Day if they want him.
Howard said he had to go to break. They have Amy Schumer coming in after that. He said they have to talk about Richard Christy calling 9-1-1 too. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song for a few seconds. He said he should play Amy Schumer's clip from the Charlie Sheen roast. He said she's sitting in the green room waiting to come in. Howard was about to play it but Gary walked Amy in. Howard said that he has to listen to the show. Gary said he was listening. Howard said he generally works into these things that way. Gary said they should talk about it ahead of time. Howard was saying he figured Comedy Central needed another female comedian after Whitney Cummings got her TV show deal.
Howard played the clip of Amy doing her roast material on the Sheen roast. Howard and Robin were laughing as they listened to that clip.
After playing the clip Howard said she did a beautiful job. Howard told Gary to bring Amy in now. Fred played Gary in with a Baba Booey song parody.
Amy said it was good to meet Howard. She thanked him for having her in. Amy was getting stabbed with something in her headphones. Howard said her wire was frayed and it was sticking into her neck. Howard had Gary check it out. Gary said he doesn't know what that is. He swapped out her headphones for another set. Fred played another Baba Booey song parody for him.
Howard said that he loves to ask how awkward it is to do those roasts. He said that she's standing there and roasting Mike Tyson. Howard said he doesn't think that Mike understands how they work. Amy said some people don't watch a roast before they do it. She said that he thought it was good to participate.
Howard asked Amy if anyone was there to explain it to him. She said that there wasn't anyone there. She said she thinks that he did a good job actually.
Howard said Amy did a joke about that Steve-O and mentioned Ryan Dunn. She said it was about Steve though. She said that she didn't talk to him after the roast because his nose was broken after he ran into Tyson's fist. She said that wasn't fun to watch either. Howard said they didn't spend much time on that either. He said Steve just fan into his fist.
Howard said he feels bad for Steve. He said that he always relies on a stunt that will eventually get him killed. Amy said people love him though. They have some hard core fans. Howard said he's always afraid that he's going to die.
Howard said that Amy was making fun of Patrice O'Neal's diabetes in that clip. He said that Patrice had a stroke over the weekend. Amy said she heard that he can't talk or move but he can blink. She said that this is third hand information though. She said that he's one of the best comedians working. She said that it's more fun to roast guys like that on the roasts. She said that you can send email to LoveForPatrice@gmail.com if you want to send him a note.
Amy said that Patrice is really funny and he can slaughter you. Howard said he had Patrice on a couple of times and then he asked Gary why he hadn't been on in a while. Howard said that Patrice got upset when he heard that he'd forgotten his name when he was trying to think of him once. Robin said that Patrice still talks to her though. Amy said he is a sensitive man. Howard said his name wasn't on the tip of his tongue that day and Patrice got upset about that.
Howard asked Amy if that was the first roast that she did for Comedy Central. She said it was. She only had 2 weeks notice before doing it. Howard asked if she's going to take Whitney Cummings slot. She said she would love to take that slot.
Howard asked Amy if she had jokes that got cut from the roast. Amy said there were. She told Howard Harvey Levin was supposed to do the roast so she had some about him. Amy told Howard what some of them were and had him cracking up. Howard asked if she writes them herself. Amy said she does. Howard asked what the process is. She said that she comes up with the meanest, worst thing about an insecurity that he may have. She said that she had some jokes about William Shatner and how fat he was and she realized that he's like 80 years old. She said she doesn't thinks he's hurting people's feelings though. She said if she did then she'd feel like shit.
Amy said she didn't think the Steve-O joke was going to turn out to be what it was. Robin said she thought her joke about Charlie Sheen ruining the lives of ''the two women that live with him... his daughters'' was great.
Amy said she started writing jokes a month before the show. She said she found out she was definitely doing it two weeks before. She tried out the jokes at clubs in those weeks before the show. She said that Charlie had them all over to his manager's house the night before. Howard said he had no idea they did that. He said that was a good preemptive strike. Howard asked if she had to eliminate any of her material after going to meet him. She said she didn't have to do that.
Howard asked Amy about the other guys on the roast and Amy told Howard about some of the jokes she told. She had a bunch about Charlie and some of the other people on the deus.
Howard asked Amy if it kills her when Comedy Central cuts a joke out of the show. She said it does. Amy said that they make so many changes on the show and they really only care about the celebrities. She said that she never got her make up touched up or anything. She said that no one knew who she was.
Howard asked Amy if she has a fear that she'll craft a joke and she'll stumble over it. Amy said her biggest fear is rape actually. She said she doesn't think that she would be worried about stumbling over a joke.
Howard asked Amy about not being able to mention the Mike Tyson rapes in the roast. Amy said they were able to get around that. She said he seemed to be okay with the jokes she had about that. She said that she had some good rape stuff she had to cut. She said she was raped by them taking those jokes from her.
Howard said Amy was on Last Comic Standing and she came in fourth place. Howard asked if it's even still on the air. Amy said she's not sure. She said it's launched no one. She said that she's headlining now and things are going good for her now. She said she's looking to get out of the comedy thing. She said she'd like to do work she's proud of.
Howard asked Amy where she grew up. She said it was in Rockville Centre. Howard said that's a horrible place. Amy said that it really was a horrible place. She said that people called her Amy Jewmer and they would throw pennies at her head and stuff like that.
Amy said that she was a bad student. She said that she was a wise ass and she'd make people uncomfortable in school. She said she always had detention because of that.
Howard asked Amy about dating this guy Anthony Jeselnik. She said that they did date but they wanted way different things. She said they're both on the road so much and he wasn't able to give as much as she wanted. She said a text message once in a while would have been nice. Amy said he was saying that she was suffocating her and things like that. She said she's excited to be single now. She said she's 30 and he's 33. She said that she has seen girls who want him. Amy said that she wanted a best friend to talk to. She said that didn't work out for them.
Howard asked Amy if she was surprised that she was on that Last Comic Standing show. She said she had only been in the business for 3 years before that. She said that she got fourth place and it was great for her. She said she broke up with her boyfriend at the time and went out on the road. She said she was bartending and sorting mail before that.
Amy told Howard about a guy she dated who ended up looking like Governor Patterson from New York. She said that this guy was uncircumcised and it kind of freaked her out. She said that he never warned her about what she was about to see. She said that he just kind of rolled it out for her. Amy said it kind of smelled bad too. She said it was gross. Amy said that he was French and he started to pick her up real sensual like and then he realized he was in over his head. She said he put her right back down. She said she ended up leaving in the middle of it. She said the penis freaked her out but it was totally acceptable in size. She said they had to stop after a second. Amy said that she ended up leaving in the middle of it telling the guy that she was feeling sad and missing her ex-boyfriend.
Howard asked Amy what else it was about this guy that she didn't like. She said that he would point out gay guys on the street. She said that he was from the mountains and he was kind of a dirt bag. Howard said they have the French guy there in the studio. He had Fred doing his French voice and talking about that date with Amy.
Howard asked Amy how she made the switch to become a comedian. She said she went to Gotham Comedy Club and went up and did her thing. Amy said that she got up on stage and killed the first time. Amy said that she heard if she brought four people with her she could get on stage. She said she delivered the jokes like she was Seinfeld. Amy said she had a joke about being on a bus in the city and some jokes about skywriting and they went over very well.
Amy told Howard that her mom had her convinced that she was an angel growing up. Howard asked if that can be too much for some kids when their parents talk them up like that. Amy said in 6th grade she had a girl cut her off in line and she ended up biting her. Amy said she didn't even really bite her, she just scared her. Amy said her mom told the school they had the wrong number when they said her daughter had bitten someone.
Howard asked Amy about going to Great Adventure one time. Amy said she went with some friends and they were waiting on line for the Scream Machine. She said the line they had was for the front seat. She said that they were waiting and then someone cut them off. IT turned out to be Robin. Amy said everyone was excited to see Robin though. Howard said that if you were a VIP you could cut in line. Robin said they had her cutting in every line that day. Howard said they were a sponsor of theirs at the time. Howard said Gary and his kids went and they got booed whenever they'd cut in line. Howard said they were even taunting the kids. Howard said people had to wait and all of a sudden Gary is cutting in line. Gary said he understood why people were upset. He said that you expect a big star to cut in line, not him.
Howard said he read that Amy shoplifted as a kid. Howard said his friends would shoplift and they were really good at it. Howard said they brought him along once and he had never stolen anything in his life. He said he saw tie tacks at Macy's and he wanted to be in the crowd. He said he was shitting in his pants. Howard said he told his cousin he didn't want him doing any of that. He said all of his friends got caught but he didn't. Howard said it was all over for the rest of them.
Amy said she got caught stealing too. She said she was stealing junk that no one else would steal. Amy said she ended up fessing up and none of her friends did. She said she's sure her mom didn't think she did anything. Amy said when she was 21 she did it again. Amy said she had a problem. She said she had been shoplifting for a long time. Amy said she'll read police blotters and things and she'll see a 90 year old was stealing milk to feed her family. She said she was stealing clothes and she'd return them for cash. She was also doing it for the rush though.
She said she got caught stealing at Bloomingdales. Howard said that she could have gotten her uncle Chuck to help her. She said he's not really an uncle. She said that he is related somehow but even she's not sure how.
Amy said her parents will be excited about this whole thing. She said that her dad has MS and he's in a hospital. She said that he's happy with that though. She said he's totally fine with it. Amy said she saw her father drop heat right in front of her at an airport. She said that he was walking her to the gate when he did it. Amy said her mom dumped him for being an alcoholic though. She said she didn't dump him over the MS thing.
Howard asked Amy if she fantasizes about being on Saturday Night Live. Amy said she would like to be on it but her goals have changed. She said she's trying to be better at stand-up and she's working on her acting too.
Howard asked what kind of money she can make as a comedian. She said she can make $200,000 a year. She said that she's trying to cut down on the number of days she's out on the road. She said she's going to be in a movie with Steve Carell and she's got a TV show pilot deal too.
Howard asked Amy about her new album ''Cutting'' and what that's about. Amy said she ends her show telling the audience that her sister is a cutter and then just puts the mic in the stand and walks off stage. Howard gave her some plugs for some of her other stuff and said you can find out more at AmySchumer.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she was spanked as a kid and if she thinks she deserves a spanking now. Amy said that she was spanked by her mom. She said her dad spanked her once and he cried the whole time. Amy said that she totally had it coming though.
Howard said he finds Amy to be very intelligent and he can see why a guy would be intimidated in bed. He said that she might laugh if he suggested spanking or something. Amy said that she's totally fine with that stuff in bed. She said she dated a guy who wanted her to watch porn the whole time they were having sex and she had to talk about what she's done. Amy said that he was fact checking her stories so it got to be too much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Amy is 10 times hotter and funnier than Whitney Cummings. Howard asked Amy what she thinks about that. Howard asked if she's being compared to Whitney now. Amy said she thinks there's room for all of them. Amy said when she sees a funny woman she's happy and there is no sense of competition. Howard asked if she's a Sarah Silverman fan. She said she is. She said she's a fan of Sandra Bernhard too.
The caller said he's masturbated to pictures of her online. Amy said she posed naked for Cosmo. Howard said she appears to be a C-cup. Amy confirmed that they are. Howard asked if her agents told her not to do that. Amy said they did and she just said she was going to do it. Amy said that she didn't show her vagine. She said she was in underwear. Amy said her mom was at the shoot that day.
The Howard TV guys showed one of the pictures from Cosmo. Howard said she looks really cute there. Amy said she's fine with her body too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what it is she does for a living and he's looking forward to seeing her on a carton of milk. He said he saw her on the Charlie Sheen roast and she wasn't funny. The guy said he was upset about the joke she made about Steve-O and Ryan Dunn. He said he thought it was tasteless. Amy said that's fine but she didn't do it with any bad intent. The caller said he does think she's cute though. Amy thanked him for that.
Another caller said he thinks that Amy is a great comedian and she's got some really funny jokes. The guy also thanked Howard for his show.
Howard thanked Amy for coming in and gave her some more plugs for her album and some upcoming comedy shows she's doing. Howard asked if she sells her stuff after her show. She said she does that. She said it's very embarrassing. Howard asked how much money she can make a night. Amy said she can make an extra $700 a weekend. She said that's a lot for her but sometimes it doesn't feel worth it. Howard asked how she handles things financially and if she'll make change for people. Amy said she doesn't and she'll send people to the bar to make change. Then she gets stuck there talking to the person's spouse. She said it's the worst. Howard wrapped up, gave Amy some more plugs, and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon mentioned the vacation Howard and Beth canceled so they can stay home with the pets. Howard got in a plug for the calendar he shot pictures for. Howard said that he thinks that when people see this they'll want to adopt these animals. Howard said it seems that no one really cares. Howard said they have a link on his web site if you want one. Howard said he doesn't get a dime out of that. He said you can get it at AnimalLeague.org. Howard asked Jon if he bought one yet. Jon said he didn't so Howard told him to spend the 20 bucks ''you cheap fuck.'' Howard told Fred to do it too. Fred said no problem. Howard said you'll have his artwork hanging in your home if you do that.
Jon mentioned Ronnie flying out to L.A. so Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy with some Ronnie audio clips.
KC continued and said that Richard looks odd. Howard said he's super thin and ripped now. KC said that Sal has a lot of fat deposits on the side of his chest. Robin was laughing and saying that this is ridiculous. Gary said he's as baffled as they are.
Fred played one of Richard's classic KC song parodies ''KC Loves Anal Beads.'' That cracked KC up. Howard said the last time he saw KC he looked bloated. KC said that's from steroids. He said he's down to 185 now. KC said he was up to about 230 when he was on the steroids.
Howard asked if he wants to talk about any of the other guys in the studio. KC said that Benjy looks cock strong. KC said that Benjy has small nipples. He told Howard he's out of his mind. Fred played some more of Richard's song parodies about KC.
KC said that he likes Jason but he's worried about the guy. He said that he might have high cholesterol. KC said he has high cholesterol too. Robin asked if he's okay. KC said he's not. He said he's having a panic attack.
Howard asked if he's alright. KC said no. Howard asked what they can do. KC said he's on Librium which his a drug for the DTs. KC is an alcoholic. KC said he's watching his friend's dog and he's calling from his house. He said the emergency room put him on the Librium. Robin asked how he ended up there. KC asked if they have seen Leaving Las Vegas. Howard asked if that's his life. KC said yes. He said that he's been to about 20 psychiatrists. KC said that they call him borderline. Robin asked a few questions and KC said he's cock strong. Howard asked what that means. KC said he doesn't know.
Howard told KC to go on that drug Penisin. KC didn't know what that was. Howard said it's Penis-in. Howard asked KC if he's still drinking. KC said he is and he's still on that stuff for the DTs. Robin thanked him for calling. Howard asked if he had anything to promote. KC said he's going to L.A. in two days. He's in New York right now. Howard told him not to come in there.
Howard asked if Benjy is cock strong. KC said he is. He said Howard has big nipples too. Howard said KC just went crazy. He said he had the world by the balls. Howard said KC was one of the best looking guys ever. KC said he's very happy. Howard asked if he's fucked anymore trannies. KC thanked him for reminding him of that. KC was coughing so Howard asked what's going on there. KC asked if he mentioned that Benjy is cock strong.
Howard had David Arquette on the phone to talk to KC. David got on and Howard gave him a plug for Dancing with the Stars. David said that KC has to really look at himself and go somewhere to get some help. KC said he's been to a bunch of those. Robin said it's time to go again. KC said that he's on this drug for the DTs and they don't know how to get people off of it.
KC said he was given Riddalin 20 years ago and he thinks that might be what caused some of his problems. He said that he's been told he has to get off of the stuff cold turkey and he can't handle it. KC said he can't explain to Howard how horrible it is. KC said he was taking 300 mg of Riddalin and now he's down to 200. The dose is supposed to be 80.
Howard asked David what he was doing when he went to rehab. David said that Dr. Drew has results with people who really want it. He said you have to forgive yourself for some of the stuff you've done. Howard asked David if he was as bad as KC. David said that he had different problems. He said he was doing some drugs and things like that. David said he's 10 months sober now.
KC said that he was sober and he hated it. He said it was worse than this. Howard asked KC how much he's drinking. KC said he's drinking about 20-30 shots a day. Howard asked David if he was drinking that much. David said not really. KC said you'll never see him drunk either. Howard said that he's one of the greatest alcoholics of all time. Howard said he thinks KC is fucked and he has to get into some rehab. He said David is giving some good advice.
David said you do some of this to numb yourself. He said he refused all of the stuff they wanted to give him when he was in rehab. David said that KC has to do that. KC said he can't, he's tried. Howard said you'd think that KC being so good with his diet and things that he'd be able to stop drinking. KC said that he usually tells them to go fuck themselves when they tell you to go cold turkey. Howard said KC could do it. He said he just has to do it. KC said that you have dementia when you do it. He said that it's not as easy as Howard is making it sound.
David told KC that he has to try Dr. Drew. He said that if he has mental issues then he will get something to make up for that. As he was talking a clown car noise went off. He was being really serious and all of a sudden a clown horn went off.
Howard told KC to get to rehab. David told him to be honest with himself. He said he has to move to a better place. KC said that he has become an amazing actor with all of this. Howard said he had to go after that. Howard asked if he's seeing David soon. David said he'll be in town next week.
Howard told KC to take care of himself. KC said he's going out to L.A. to pose nude and his mom is going to put her hand over his junk to hide it. Howard told him to take care. KC mentioned that Benjy is cock strong one more time. They went to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with a story about a woman who gave birth in an art gallery as an exhibit. Robin gave the details of the birth and said the baby's name is Baby X right now. Howard asked if it's really art. Robin said she got people to buy into it and had about 20 people watching.
Robin read about Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney's ex, writing a book. Robin said in the book she says that her relationship with Clooney was very special to her like a father would be. She said that their relationship was like a father/daughter relationship. Howard said she should shut up. She can't stop talking about Clooney.
Robin read about the iPhone 4S possibly having battery problems. Robin said that Apple has people installing an app to diagnose the problem. Howard said that's why he's not going to switch.
Robin read about a surfer who was attacked by a great white shark over the weekend. He was bitten on the neck and arm but he's expected to recover. Robin said Howard wants to get rid of sharks but they are a big part of the ecosystem and an expert was saying that would all be thrown off if they did get rid of the sharks.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about this infatuation Lisa G has with him. He said that she just about orgasmed when he asked if she would like her portrait taken last week. Howard said he thinks that she admires him but she's not in love with him. Robin said she thinks that he could get her. Howard said he agrees with that. He said it's cute and sweet. Howard said he wanted to do a portrait with Lisa but she won't do what he wants her to do. He said he thinks he'll just skip the whole thing.
Robin read a story about Chaz Bono getting voted off of Dancing with the Stars. Robin asked what he should do next. Howard said he's not sure. Howard said maybe he can be a gym teacher or something. Robin said that his rep has said that he's looking at several options including acting, voice over work and endorsements. Robin said that voice isn't all that great, is it? Howard said Chaz doesn't have to do anything. He said she's done nothing so far and her biggest thing is getting a sex change operation. Howard said he's not sure he ever had a job.
Howard took a call from Benjy's friend Maryann and she used to work there as an intern. She said that he used to call at like 3am and she wondered what was going on with him. She said he's very random. Howard said maybe he liked her. Maryann said she's not sure about that. Howard asked Benjy if he was competing with KC at all. Benjy said he thinks that he's looking for places to stay and that's why he was calling Maryann. Maryann said Benjy warned him that if she let him move in he'd never leave. Howard said Benjy just didn't want her around KC. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Muammar Gaddafi having a son that didn't end up dead. Robin said that he's apparently going to turn himself in but not to the Libyan officials. Robin said that he might think that this international organization is safer to turn himself into.
Robin read about a problem with a Jet Blue airplane. Robin said some people got stuck in the plane for 7 hours during a snow storm. Howard said he doesn't get why they can't let the people off the plane. Robin said they ran out of water, food and snacks. They had to lock the bathrooms and people had to sit there. Robin said they eventually bussed them to the terminal at 9pm. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how poorly the situation was handled.
Robin read about a guy whose wife showed up when he was in bed with the mistress. Robin said the guy called 9-1-1 and asked the cops to come over and scare the mistress away. Robin had audio of the guy's 9-1-1 call and he claimed he didn't know who the girlfriend was. He could face up to a year in jail for this call.
Ralph called in and talked about how bizarre that call from KC was. He said that whenever they talk about him they say what a shame it is and it's only because he's good looking. Robin said he's right. She said if he was a mess they wouldn't think twice about it. Howard said when a guy is that good looking you don't think of them drinking and doing that kind of stuff. Ralph said the last time Howard saw him he was bloated so he's not the same guy he was when he worked there. Howard said he's a good dude and he hopes he gets himself straightened out.
Howard asked Ralph if he thinks his nipples are too big. Ralph said that whole thing was weird. Fred had an audio drop of KC saying that Benjy is cock strong. He had KC saying ''you have big nipples'' too. Howard let Ralph go and did a live commercial.
Robin had some audio of some officials talking about being diligent on Halloween to keep kids safe. Robin had some other suggestions about keeping your kids safe that she read through. Howard said that he was back in Sal and Richard's office and Richard was drinking and eating pumpkin stuff. Howard said that Richard gets professional make up done for Halloween and he goes upstate to get it done. He said Richard and his wife went up there in the snow storm and they got stuck up there. Richard ended up calling 9-1-1 to get help. He said he's like those retards that stay on the ocean in a hurricane and they have to get rescued. Howard asked Richard where he went to get his make up.
Richard came in and said that he went to Mayopack in Westchester. He said that they got dropped off in full make up at the train station. He said that they waited for 2 hours and no trains came. He said he thought they were going to have to eat each other when they got stuck there. He said they called every cab and the cabs weren't running. Richard said they called 9-1-1 and they were going to send and MTA truck to pick them up. He said they ended up getting a ride with a guy who brought them to another train station.
Howard said they did all of this for this make up. Richard was dressed up as the Wolfman. Richard said it took 6 hours to get home. Richard said they went to a costume party but they were so exhausted that they only stayed for a short time and went home. Richard said this guy is his friend and he paid him $140 to do the make up but he's going to send him some more. He said he has to send the Wolfman hands back too.
Robin got back to her news and read about how people have to be on the lookout for marijuana laced candy on Halloween. Howard said no one who smokes is going to give it up to the kids. Robin had a clip of someone talking about how the candy can be mistaken for regular candy.
Robin read about Bill Gates being on some news shows yesterday talking about Steve Jobs. Howard said Bill Gates doesn't get any of the respect that Steve Jobs does. Robin said he is the richest man in the world. He was talking about taxes yesterday. She had a clip of him talking about that. Robin said he's worth $57 billion and that's after giving away $23 billion. Howard said all he's done is that Windows stuff. Robin said they have that Xbox gaming system too. Robin had some audio of Gates talking about Steve Jobs and the criticism's of him.
Robin read about Herman Cain going up in the polls even after the stuff he said last week. Howard said he thought he was doing okay in his speeches but then he heard a weird clip. In the clip Cain says that the pro life stuff he had said was ''taken out of concept.'' Howard said he goes on. In the clip Cain said he thinks he was being ''pigeon me holed.'' Robin also had some audio of Cain talking about his 999 tax concept. Howard played that too.
Robin read about the Cardinals winning the World Series. She had some audio of one of the players talking about the win.
Robin had some audio of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon doing a rap on Fallon's late night show. Robin said that Justin is in a new movie too. She said that he can do just about anything. Robin said she saw his new movie ''In Time'' and it was good. Howard said that's another guy who thinks he's too good to do their show.
Robin read about some of the box office movie takes for the weekend. She mentioned Puss N Boots and Howard said he's glad he doesn't have to be dragged there to see that with this kids. Howard said his dad would never take him to something like that when he was a kid. Howard said his dad took him to see Barbarella when he was a kid.
Robin said that In Living Color is returning to TV. Robin said that FOX has updated the show and they're going to have two half hour specials next spring featuring a new cast. Howard said he liked the original version. He said they had some good people on the show.
Robin had some audio of Matthew Broderick talking about a new movie he's in with Alan Alda. Howard said that sounds exciting.
Robin read about how Yoko Ono will be talking about Steve Jobs at some awards show tonight. She had some of Yoko's music that she played. Howard sarcastically said she's so good. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about KC and his phone call. Gary said his initial feeling is that he wanted to get on and promote something but he didn't promote anything today. Gary said he's thinking that he's in a hospital in New York today but he's not sure if he is or not. He said he was a bit more disturbing today than he usually is.
Jon said there was some talk about how good looking KC was and now everyone is seeing how messed up he is. Gary said KC left them in a bad state so he's known what a mess he's been for a while now. Gary said that Ralph's comments about only liking him because he's good looking is wrong because he's a dude. Jon asked if he was more worried about him than usual. Gary said no. He said that he has called them in some odd states where he's talked about taking out some escorts and stuff like that.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about Jackie too. Gary said he loves Jackie. He said he and Jackie are very good friends. He said they don't see each other as much as they used to but he's still a friend. Gary said back in the day Jackie's philosophy about the management and agents was something they didn't agree on. He said he loved hanging out with Jackie though.
Gary said that Jackie seems to be the one who revised history a little bit and it seems to make it easier for him to swallow.
Jon said it was odd that Jackie was upset about not being invited to Howard's wedding. Gary said he might be more worried about how it looks to other people. He said he might not be that bothered by the whole thing. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary asked Sal what's going on with his father. Sal said his father has been in Sicily for 6 months and he's got wine being shipped here to the states. He said his uncle thinks that he's running a brothel out there but he really doesn't know. Sal said that he's been out there for two years pressing this wine and he finally has some of it coming here. He said he hopes that's what he's been up to over there.
Sal said that his dad traveled a lot and he would just fly around to different places claiming he had work to do. He said that they never asked him what he was doing even when they'd go out for a drive, his dad would stop the car, pick up a rock wrapped in a bag, and just keep on driving.
Sal said that he and his wife will get into arguments if he talks about what he does at work. He said that he just tells her that it was the same old shit. Sal said that she's stopped bringing up what happened at work. Sal said he doesn't ask his wife what she did during the day either.
Gary said he'll ask his kids what they did and what his wife did. He said that's what they talk about at diner. Sal said they do that at dinner but it turns into the same routine. He said that they talk about things that are going on but they don't spend a lot of time on it.
Ronnie is going out to L.A. for the FOX UFC fight thing and he'll be walking the red carpet there. Jon asked Gary what advice he'd give him about that. Gary gave him some suggestions for what not to do when they start asking questions.
Ronnie said this guy wanted Jimmy Kimmel to book him on his show too. Gary said he thinks that Jillian could do 8 minutes with Ronnie if they booked him. Ronnie said he's going out there on Thursday so he'll be seeing some friends while he's there.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Jackie and how funny it is that Ronnie is getting gigs out in L.A. and Jackie isn't. He said he hopes Ronnie gets on that Good Morning L.A. thing. He said Jillian was looking good on the show. Jon asked Gary if he thinks Jackie chooses not to see the show for what it's wroth. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he does remember Tom saying that they gave Jackie a drop dead date for his offer and he's not sure why Jackie would think the offer was still there. Ronnie said he heard part of that on Superfan Roundtable the other night and it did sound like he was coming out of left field.
The guys spent another couple of minutes talking about that before going to break.
Ronnie said that Benjy was gazing at her and he does that with some people. He said she's adorable and he can imagine Benjy dating her.
Jon said that story about Robin cutting in line in front of her at Great Adventure was great too. Jon asked Gary about the time he took his family and got to cut in line. Gary said that was a long time ago. He said he gets why people would be upset about it. He said he thinks it was maybe 7 or 8 years ago when it happened.
Ronnie said down in Disney they don't do that. They actually don't make you cut in line. He said they're sneaky about it.
Gary said that when they were at Great Adventure they asked them if they wanted to go on the Superman ride again and the lines were really long. The kids wanted to get right back on.
Jon said he paid to get his family to the front of the line at Disney. He said you do have to pay for it though. Gary said that Stuttering John wanted to get it once but they denied that it even existed. Jon said they did deny it for a long time. He said when he did it he told his kids not to make eye contact with anyone.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered why they had Amy Schumer on the show if she came in fourth place on that show. Gary said that show doesn't seem to do much for your career. He said that it's hard to remember any winner from the show. He said that her being on that show wasn't the draw for him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she's done with the whole Jackie thing and them going over it over and over again. Gary said he knows what she means but there are still some people who want to hear it and Howard talks about stuff that's interesting to him.
Jon asked Benjy how he felt about what Jackie said about him. Benjy said he understands how he felt. He said he was having so much fun doing it and he may not have thought that much about it back then. Gary said that Jackie may have blamed him for part of that whole thing. He said that he suggested that they let Benjy sit in and Jackie got mad at him on Superfan Roundtable last week. He said that if Jackie had a problem with it he should have said something to Howard about it.
Ralph called in and said that he went to Disney with his sister once and she had a cast on. that got them right to the front of the line. He said he went with Stamos once and the guide brought them around and right to the front of the ride. He said they'll let you go immediately after you finish the ride. Jon said that they'll also book the restaurants ahead of time for you too. Jon said he thinks he paid $650 for up to 10 people for 6 hours. Gary said that he thought it was a lot of money to spend but a friend of his told him that it was the best money he'd ever spent.
Ralph said he went to Great Adventure when they had the park closed just for the staff of the station and he was going on so many rids that he was getting sick. He said that there's a good reason to take a break between the rides.
Ralph also tried to clarify what he was saying about the guys liking KC more because he's good looking. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he'd be just as concerned about Jason and he's not as good looking as KC is. Ralph said they'll have to wait and see about that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he taped the Regis and Kelly show to see their Halloween special. He said that Kelly dresses up in outfits. He said Regis wasn't participating because Nick Lachey was on instead. He said that Regis apparently hates that Halloween special so he didn't want to be part of it. Howard said Regis bowed out of it. Robin said he's apparently leaving the show on the 16th of November. Howard said he thinks it's a mistake for them to let him go.
Howard said they should sit Regis down and talk him into staying. Robin said they can't admit it was a mistake so now we have to live with it. Howard said he's not sure he can live with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the 3 days a week and all of the programming they're doing but he's wondering why they took the word ''the'' out of ''The Howard Stern Show'' in the new studio. Howard said he sees what he's talking about. It just says ''Howard Stern Show'' behind Benjy now. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard said he's not sure if you need the ''The'' in there. The caller said he thinks it looks stupid.
Scott DePace said the caller is wrong. He said they all looked at it and no one said they needed a ''The.'' Howard said he thinks he's okay with that. He said he didn't notice it in the renderings. The caller said maybe they'll just call it ''Howard Stern Show'' now. Howard said he doesn't think it really matters. He said that ''The'' may have put them over their budget.
Howard said he likes the new set. He said they have Eric the Midget flying over in the background. Howard showed Robin that shot of him in the video background. Howard said Eric is quit them again. He said he had decided to call back up again and he saw him on the screen but the last couple of times he called they were in the middle of something. He can't drop everything to take Eric's call. He said that it's important to Eric for him to take his call but not important to him.
Howard said Eric wanted to drop Johnny Fratto as his agent and make him his agent instead. Howard said it's really not that important to him to take Eric's call when Eric thinks it's important. Howard said there are other callers and the lines are filled up. He said it's difficult to get through. Robin said she'd like to know how Eric sees himself and if he thinks they should stop everything for him. Maybe he thinks that because he's handicapped he should move to the front of the line. Howard said it's wild.
Howard said he had some messages from Eric. He said he's very funny in his delusion. Howard played one where Eric threatened not to call again. Howard said he just learned of a job that Eric would love and he'd like to submit him for it. He said it's more than just acting. He said it's a perfect fit and he could do it the rest of his life and be happier than he's ever been. He said he's a belligerent little fuck so he's not sure if he should give it to him.
Howard said Gary came to him yesterday with this information. He said that Eric could make money and do it for a long time. He said that the company could work him into it.
Howard played the clip of Eric complaining about being left on hold for hours and hours. Eric said if they think they're ever going to hear another live call, they're dumber than he thought they were. Howard said the best part is that they can get him to call in live again. He said Eric has quit the show 50 times and he always comes back. He guarantees he'll be back again.
Howard played more of Eric's call. Eric was upset that he didn't have time to take his call. Eric said this wasn't an issue in the past. He said he was quitting for other reasons. Howard said Eric gets on the line and he won't stop sometimes. He won't let you hang up. He said he can't do a brief call. Howard said it's not easy with Eric.
Jeff asked Howard when he can come down to visit the show. Howard said he doesn't have anything for him to do. He said maybe they can figure something out. Robin said he's done some contests and he's sung with some of their guests. Howard said he thinks that Jeff doesn't leave when he does come there. Jeff said that's not an issue lately. Howard said that's true.
Howard asked if anyone had any ideas for Jeff. Howard said the time they chained him to that woman was great. He said maybe they should do that again. Howard wondered if Jeff could fall asleep in the street again. Jeff said he's going to try not to do that again.
Howard said this whole thing of him being a calm guy is going to change in 10 minutes. Jeff said that if he gets some alcohol then it's a party.
Howard said he's surprised that Jeff isn't down at the Occupy Wall Street thing. Robin said that's actually hard work living down there 24 hours a day. Robin said people are showing up and taking advantage of the free food. Howard said they are getting upset about that.
Howard said he'll think about something for Jeff to do. He has to come up with some sort of plan. He said they can't just have him in there for no reason. Jeff said that's fine.
Jeff asked if they could find some money for him too. Howard said he'll look into it. Robin didn't think they should do that for him. Howard didn't seem bothered by that.
Howard said he was reading about the end of Steve Jobs and what his sister wrote about him for the NY Times. Howard said she wrote about his last moments on earth and what he was doing. He was drawing pictures of iPads for special hospital use and things like that. Howard said at the very end of his life he said ''Oh wow! Oh wow!'' as he was going. Howard said that he hopes he sees that because he doesn't believe it.
Jeff interrupted and asked if they wanted to know how long his incision is. Jeff said it's 11 inches. Howard said that Jeff didn't think about how he could help out at the hospital like Steve Jobs did.
Jeff wasn't even in on the conversation and kept talking about himself as they were talking about Steve Jobs. Jeff said that he did donate some magazines to the waiting room while he was at the hospital. Howard said he'll keep him in mind for anything they do in the future. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at a store buying some stuff and he walked into a women's bathroom accidentally. He said he had to wait in the stall when he heard footsteps in there. He said he realized he was in the wrong bathroom. He said he thought that he hadn't seen any urinals in there too.
Howard said it's funny that he took a big smelly dump in there. Howard said he can get the stink out pretty quick if he flushes fast enough. He said that it's like a vacuum. Robin said the automatic flush bathrooms are supposed to be like that but they don't always work. Howard said he tries to keep his shitting to his house.
The caller said that the women were very demure in the bathroom. He said that he was wondering if the women would start talking to the stall next to them while they're in there. He said it felt like he was in there for an eternity. Howard said that he would have announced that he was in there if he realized he was in the wrong room.
The caller said he's lucky he didn't give himself away in there. Howard thanked the caller for his call. The caller said he had another question though. He asked about his book Private Parts and what the mistake was on the cover of the book. Howard said he doesn't remember. He said he wishes he hadn't written either of those books. Howard said he wishes he could rewrite them. He would take a different approach at them. He said a lot of the books had a lot to do with his first marriage. He said he looks ridiculous now. He said he looks like he's crazy talking about competing in radio too. He said that's going to be left behind now.
Robin said that's where he was at back then. Howard said that's true. He said they're funny and good books. He said there are times when he reads them and he sees some of the stuff that he could have cut way down. Howard said he wrote about jerking off having computer sex and things like that. He said he could have edited that stuff down a bit. Howard said he's very critical of himself.
Robin said that's what life is. It's an evolution. She said that he has grown. Howard said he wishes he could go back and rewrite them. Robin said he could do that. Howard said he really can't. He said the only thing he's released is that North Shore Animal League calendar.
Howard said he felt bad for the animals so he had to do that for them. He said that it was a way to get people to donate and have something in return. He said that even if they throw it out it's nice that you can donate.
Howard said he put a bowl of candy outside one year and some little asshole took every piece himself. Robin said you can't do that honor system thing with trick or treaters. Howard said that you sure can't. Howard said Beth would run to the door when kids would knock. He said the dog was getting excited and running to the door too. He said he just sits at his desk and pretends that he doesn't live there.
Howard said he was typing back and forth with Sarah Silverman and gave her the blow by blow report. He said Beth would see a cute little kid and the kid started kissing her on the lips. Howard said Beth thought it was cute. Howard said there were dads coming around and the reason is that Beth would bend over and her titties were on display. Howard said that they saw a show going on. Howard said he hates Halloween. He said a lot of people use it as an excuse to act like assholes.
Robin said she was downtown yesterday and people were running around crazy. Howard said that's like Richard and his wife going to get special make up. He said that he's too old for that shit. Howard said that he hates that adults dress up like that. He was happy to see that Regis didn't want to participate in that whole thing on his show.
Howard said that the basketball player husband plays for the Nets and he goes around talking about being in love with Kim. He said that they must have masterminded this whole thing and she's married a couple of people. Howard said she settled for this guy because he was dumb enough to go along with it. Howard said this girl got famous for fucking some guy on tape.
Howard said he had Kim on the show and she was a good interview but this is offensive to anyone who works for a living. Howard said he'd suggest not watching the show she's on. Howard said Ryan Seacrest is behind it too.
Howard said Kim needs plot lines for her show so that might be what this is about. Howard said maybe the guy doesn't realize that he's part of this whole plot. He said this is her second marriage and getting marred to her is like drinking a cup of water to the rest of us. Howard said they're not even sure if they consummated the marriage. Robin said the family hated the whole thing apparently.
Howard said the guy must have gotten laid. He said that he's been humiliated now though. Robin said they did get a pre-nup so he won't be getting her money.
Howard said the head of the country has to be a smart guy. He said he's running the whole country. Howard said he can't run the country so he needs someone smart to do it. Howard said he thinks that the whole sexual harassment thing is trumped up and he was never found guilty or anything. Howard said he thinks they're trying to make him sound like he's a pervert or something. Howard said when Clarence Thomas was charged that woman came forward and talked about exactly what happened. Robin said all he did was say some stuff.
Howard said he understands that the sexual harassment charges are settled and he thinks that it's kind of unfair. Robin said that he should have been the one to bring it up. Howard said he was never charged or found guilty so maybe he didn't think it was going to be brought up. Howard said he's not sure when he could bring it up. Robin said he could have figured out a way to bring it up first.
Tommy told Howard he likes the This Date in Howard History shows. He said he loved the Gennifer Flowers interview. He also told Howard that the Moody Blues are great.
Howard said he likes the Moody Blues. He said he's not a huge fan but they do have some brilliant music. Howard said Robin isn't a fan though. Robin said ''Ugh.'' Howard said he got some feedback about the band after he talked about them yesterday. Howard read through some of that email. Howard said the Moody Blues were the first band to use a flute in rock music. Tommy asked about Jethro Tull. Howard said they came before Jethro Tull.
Howard read some more about how the Moody Blues aren't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said some people think Rush should be in there too but he doesn't think that's the case.
Howard read through some more feedback about the Jackie discussions and there were some who wanted more. Howard got a bunch of positive emails about the Jackie stuff.
Howard said he likes revisiting the Jackie thing from time to time. He said the reason for that is that when you see someone commit an act of insanity you want to know more. Howard said he figures that most people are fans of the show and you know Jackie. He said when you see what Jackie did it was like watching a suicide. Howard said Jackie beat the odds and he didn't have to go on the road to be a comic anymore. Howard said most people would ask how he could walk away from that and Jackie would say that he could be doing so much more. Howard said Jackie had nothing growing up and he had it all when he was working on the show. Howard said he had to be kidding about leaving the show. Howard said he had all of that drama of trying to save him and all of that. He said Jackie just self destructed and it's a story of Shakespearian proportion.
Howard said that Jackie never came to a conclusion in his life. Howard said Tom Chiusano was their general manager and he wrote him a note about the conversation they had.
Howard read the note he got from Tom. Tom was saying that he feels like Howard does about the incident. Tom said he liked Jackie at the time. Howard said Tom wasn't out to get Jackie. He read more of the note and Tom said that he was trying to show Jackie that he was making a mistake. He said it cost Jackie millions by not signing. Howard said he remembered Tom's wife's birthday yesterday so he sent her a note. He said he keeps track of all of that in his calendar. Howard said Robin needs some advice from him about all of that. He said he has to take charge of her. Howard said she's going to dry up and no one is going to want her. Robin said she'll end up with a 72 day marriage. Howard said he doesn't want her to do that. Howard said Robin should marry Chris Humphries.
Gary asked if Robin really just said that it doesn't matter to her if someone says happy birthday to her. Robin said she did. Gary said she got upset about a gift Howard got for her once. Robin said there was something else behind that and she's not going to say what that was. Howard said one can speculate but he won't do that.
JD had the clip of Robin getting mad at Howard on the air that day. Howard played the clip where Robin went off on Howard for the way he handled her birthday. She said she felt that he hadn't observed her birthday. Howard said he got her a gift. Howard had to cut the clip off. He said he can't listen to that right now because he was getting worked up.
Howard said Jackie's story is fascinating to him. He said they're never going to be done with it. He said it's a great teaching story and you can learn a lot from the way he handled things. Howard said he knows Jackie is in pain over this whole thing. He said the money that he turned down was millions. Howard said he told Jackie that day on the plane that he was making a mistake. Howard said he was only trying to save the guy. He said he told him to assess where he was in life. He said he isn't Eddie Murphy and he's not going to go off and make movies but he thinks Jackie thought he could be.
Howard said he told Jackie that he could do other things on the side and still to the radio show. Jackie didn't want to do that. Howard said Jackie was 60 years old and he could work another 5 years to have some money to retire on. Robin said this is ground breaking radio and he's got to get somewhere else.
Howard said that's why the Jackie story will never go away. He said Sam Simon wrote him a note too. Fred asked him to read that one too. Howard said he can't do that. He said he's being protective of Jackie. Howard said he's going to be the better man.
Howard said he was asking Sal about the way he says ''pizzeria'' as ''pittsaria.'' Howard said that he got a note about that and someone pointed out that Danny Aielllo says it the same way in a Spike Lee movie. Howard said it's funny how people are selective with certain words. He said saying ''pittsaria'' is retarded. Howard said he's not in Italy so he should say ''pizzeria.''
Howard said he knew a guy who would say ''That was David Bawie'' on the air. Howard said he went up to the guy and said that his name is ''Bowie.'' He asked what was up with ''Bawie.'' The guy told him that's the way they say it in England. Howard said he probably heard the accent and decided to say it that way. Howard said 99.9 percent of the world says it that way so why do that. The guy told him he knows the correct pronunciation and that's the way he's going to say it. Howard said that got him more excited and he heard ''David Bawie'' 50 times a show. Howard said if that guy was right and the rest of the country is saying ''Bowie'' then just go with the flow. Howard said that was his point with Sal. He said that he's in the United States of America so just say pizzeria.
Howard read some feedback about Amy Schumer and some people didn't like her. Some did. Howard read one of each.
Howard read some mail about KC Armstrong's call to the show. Some people were upset hearing what a mess he was. Howard said some people were very saddened by KC. Fred played a clip of KC saying that he has big nipples. Howard said he was with Ralph yesterday and asked him about his nipples. Howard said Ralph said they're not big but Ralph has been told his are big. Howard said he doesn't look at dude's nips. Howard said he thinks KC might be into guys.
Robin said that calling in with an evaluation of their bodies was weird. Fred played KC saying ''Benjy is cock strong'' a couple of times. Howard said he doesn't even know what that means. Howard said KC is off base with the nipple thing. He said if they were big he'd embrace it. Howard said his body is a mess because he was bitten by a Jewish bat. He said that he knows he's a horror scene but he does have some nice things. He has normal nipples and nice feet. Howard said he'd rather have ugly feet and a nice face. He said he has nice legs too. Howard said some guys have ugly legs.
Howard said he has a bad face and a belly that jiggles. He said some fat guys can pull it off but he can't. Howard said he struggles through 8 reps of 95 pounds when he lifts weight. He said that's pathetic. He said he was almost pinned down under those weights. Howard said he can do pull ups but not bench press. He said he did 8 pull ups and then he wasn't able to do 6. He said he's going backwards with this stuff. Howard said he squats 95 pounds too. Robin was surprised that he can't do more than that. Howard said she can't sit there and humiliate him more.
Howard said he's honest about himself. Howard said KC has to take away one good thing about him. Fred played the ''You have big nipples'' clip again.
Howard read some feedback about Bobo's calls and how awful they are. The writer said that he only calls in with compliments to get on the air. Howard said he doesn't believe that and he'll continue to take his calls.
Howard said they have Benjy's singer friend coming in after the break. Gary said that he just met her and she's very sexual. Benjy was saying she might be a-sexual. Howard said Benjy is putting in all this time with her and he's never going to get to fuck her. Benjy said he loves being around her and she loves being around him. Robin said he doesn't know that she loves being around him. They spent a minute talking to Benjy about that.
Robin wondered if he has the capacity to become a Star 80 type of thing. Howard said they'll address that in a few minutes. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about that call Sal and Richard made with the Richard Simmons clips. Robin was talking about another one they did with Wood Yi audio clips and said the guy they called stayed on the line the whole time. She said that he was talking about abusing children and the guy stayed on the whole time.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Howard asked if this is a tough job for him. Jon said that it is tough navigating the personalities around there. Jon said that they demand a lot from the reporters. He said they live with the people they're reporting on so it can be awkward at times.
Jon said that they have breaking news about JD making appearances. He was on Joe Matarese's podcast (Fixing Joe) recently. Jon said that JD revealed that one reason he's not dating so much is because of the anxiety he feels pondering his future. JD is worried about what he's going to do after the show ends. He said he's more worried about that than he is about girls. Howard told Gary to listen to some of that and get him some clips to play. Jon said that he was on the show for about 40 minutes.
Jon said that Chuck Zito says that he is no longer friends with Charlie Sheen and he's suing his new team. Chuck is suing FX over the show Sons of Anarchy because he thinks they stole his idea for that show.
Jon said the FAA has said that the sex stunt that was filmed to get Howard's attention did not interfere with the pilot's duties so they've let that go.
Jon said that Raven Alexis is now bed ridden with her cancer and she's not doing very well. Howard said Raven made history there when she got on the Sybian with Dave Lampert who had her getting the poison out.
Howard said Benjy did a stunt the other day and he did it to impress this girl. Her name is Elisa Jordana. Howard had Gary bring her in. Howard said Benjy wanted to impress her so he got on CNN and yelled into the camera. Howard said Benjy is so into her and he's completely smitten.
Howard asked Elisa how she met Benjy. She told him about meeting him through JDate when she was in a band called Cobra Starship. She said that they have some hit songs too. Elisa said they have a few hits and one when she was in the band. Elisa was in the band and they broke big and kicked her out of the band. Elisa said she got bored on tour. She said she had fans that wanted to hang out with her so she let them in the tour bus. Elisa said she had fun with them and one time they stole all of the band's iPods so they got upset with her and that was just one reason they wanted to get rid of her. Elisa said she played Keytar in the band.
Howard asked if it's tough to see them go on to success when she's not in the band anymore. Elisa said she can relate to Pete Best now. She said that she learned that she was replace when she saw a picture in a magazine and she wasn't in the picture but a replacement was.
Howard said Benjy is totally taken with Elisa. Benjy said when he's around her he's just so happy. He said he has so much fun with her. Benjy said that he might not end up being with her but this is someone he could spend his whole life with and be happy. He said he's not in love with her or anything but he loves being around her.
Howard said he heard that Benjy was so nervous that he brought stuff in for her to have in the green room. Howard asked if she's taking advantage of him because he's so into her. Elisa said she's not. She said that he's great to so many people. Howard asked if she can be attracted to him. Elisa said she'll get sad when they go out to eat and see people on a date and see that they're having more fun than the other couples. She said that they're not dating though.
Howard said Benjy wanted to stay with her last night. Benjy said Elisa wanted him to stay over. He said he wasn't the one who suggested it. Elisa said she really likes being around Benjy. She said she had a friend who was with her for 3 years before she hooked up with him so maybe that could happen some day with Benjy. She said that he did grow facial hair for her. She said he has a new outfit for her too.
Howard said Elisa thinks that Benjy is kind of like Bradley Cooper. Robin said that's the opposite of Benjy. Elisa said they both have blue eyes though.
Benjy said that Elisa is so alive and so fun to be around. Howard said that he says that she's one of the most amazing spirits that he's around except when he realizes that she's not into him. Howard said Benjy has even spoken to her mom on the phone.
Howard asked Elisa what's really going on. She said she's into him as a friend and she's tried to imagine things with him. She said that Benjy will tell her about things he's done sexually. Howard said he's seen Benjy go to town on a woman before. That was a long time ago though.
Howard said that she has to be into Benjy to get turned on. Benjy said he's trying to convince her that she really doesn't have to be into his looks. Howard said that Benjy said she's almost a-sexual. Elisa said that she doesn't go out trying to get laid. She wants to get to know someone and fall in love. She said that Benjy starts talking about sex immediately.
Howard said if Benjy did start fucking her he'd get bored with her. Howard asked if he's in love. Benjy said he loves her for who she is. Howard asked how long he's going to keep this up if she won't fuck him. Benjy said he has a 60 year plan. Howard asked him to be serious. He asked if he's kissed her. Benjy said he hasn't. Howard asked Elisa if she wants to kiss him. She said she hasn't thought about that. Fred played a clip of a guy vomiting.
Howard asked how long they've known each other. Benjy said he met her this summer. Benjy said that he knows she's super hot but she's got a great personality too. Howard asked if she knew what he looked like. She said he has a great picture on JDate. Howard said he should tape that picture over his head. Elisa said that he was adorable the night they met. She said he was all sweaty and red when he showed up. She thought it was adorable. Howard said he's always like that.
Elisa told Howard that she went to dinner with Benjy but she had a date after that. She said that he gave her an Ambien because he figured that she needed to do that to get sleep before the show. Benjy said he didn't know she had a date after. Elisa said that she took Benjy on her date and he fell asleep. She said she doesn't remember what the date was like because that stuff had her out of it. Howard said that stuff can make you kind of horny and that's probably why Benjy gave it to her. Benjy said he figured he could hook up with her at one point. Elisa said she actually did say that she might hook up with him.
Howard said he gets the feeling that Benjy is wasting his time with a romantic relationship. Benjy said he gets that. He said that whenever he's with her he loves being around her. Benjy said that sounds gay but he enjoys being around her. Howard said if the show doesn't work to get in her pants then it's never going to happen. Benjy said they've talked about moving in together and getting a bed with a wall on it. He said she's even said she would marry him if there was no sex involved. Howard said Benjy has had other pretty girls. He said they weren't as hot as Elisa. Howard said this one is a prize.
Robin wanted to hear some of her music. Robin said that Benjy has said that she's so talented that everyone should know her. Robin said she has to hear this.
Howard said Benjy is going to lose her if she blows up big. Benjy said maybe he will but it doesn't matter. Howard told Elisa to try and force herself to love him.
Howard took a call from Benjy's friend Maryann. Maryann said that she loves him but this is Maryann plus a Keytar. She said that things didn't work out with them. She said that they're best friends now and they go to each other's family holidays and stuff. She said that it took them years to get to that point. Maryann said she's into the bad boy type and not into Benjy in that way. Howard asked if he could have become that guy. Maryann said he's too sweet. Howard said he has those looks to contend with too. Maryann said that she tried to do a makeover with him and that didn't work. That's what Elisa did too.
Maryann said she doesn't want to see his heart broken. Benjy said she's being honest with him so that won't happen. Howard said no girl has ever asked him to go on a date with her. Benjy said she begged him to go. Maryann said this is a bit of an obsession.
Howard asked Benjy what he would do to her if he could be with her sexually. Benjy said he won't get into that today. Howard asked if he's asked her to let him lick her. Elisa said no but Maryann said he's said that to her. Howard said he can see him saying that. Howard said he can imagine Benjy telling someone that. Benjy said that's where the a-sexual thing came from. He said that he asked her if she's had an orgasm with a guy and she said no. Elisa said that she actually has. Benjy said she told him that she hadn't. She said that's just something she didn't want to discuss with him on Skype.
Howard asked Benjy if he's jerked off thinking about these girls. Benjy said he doesn't think he has. Howard said he has to be lying about that. Benjy said he doesn't think he is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is nuts. He said that he's treating them like he wants to carve them up and eat them. Robin wondered if he's going to lose it if they don't stick with him. Elisa said that Benjy asked her mom what blood type she was. Benjy said he can tell when someone is an O Negative. He said her mom was so she has the gene for it.
Howard said he thinks that Elisa is being honest with Benjy. He said she's going to perform her song ''Fuck You, I'm Fine'' for them. Elisa told Howard what the song is about and said it just came out naturally. She said that you should just be yourself and stay strong.
Howard asked Elisa perform her song ''Fuck You, I'm Fine.'' She had to get some help from Scott the Engineer so Howard wished her luck with that. Howard asked if she was attracted to that guy. He said Scott wants to Skype with her later. Benjy stood up and said that Elisa wanted to be able to see him while she performs. Howard asked if she really did. She said ''Sure...''
Elisa performed her song and it kind of sounded like it might be about Benjy. Howard said that was a nice song. Howard said that Benjy was in love. He said the song reminded him about her relationship with Benjy. She was singing about how he's not her type.
Howard said it was wonderful meeting her. Benjy asked if he wanted to hear 30 seconds of another song. Howard said he sees why he's into her but he needs to have a talk with him. Howard said he's going to spell it out for him. He said he's torturing himself with this. Howard said Benjy is a 50-something year old man. Elisa said he's not in his 50s, he's in his 40s. Howard said he was joking. Howard said that she's unobtainable. Howard said he could get her in 10 minutes and she's out of Benjy's league.
Elisa said that it's not like that. She said she has to make sure that a guy really likes you. Howard said he's breaking it to Benjy that he's wasting his time. Howard said he thinks that she'd be all over him in 10 minutes if he tried. Howard said he likes that Elisa is being honest and saying she's not attracted to him.
Benjy said the good feelings are too good to give this up at this point. Robin said she's using him in a way. Elisa said she's really not. She said she encourages him to do things like that CNN thing. She said that he'll do almost anything. Howard said he has 3 daughters who ask why guys just want to have sex and don't want to be friends. Howard said that's the way the world is.
Robin said that Elisa is even using Benjy to keep other guys at bay. She takes him on dates. Gary said maybe she should say that it's never going to happen. Elisa said that's why she told him the a-sexual thing. Gary said even her song says she was with a guy who she didn't like.
Howard said this is a one way street with Benjy. Benjy said she's opened his heart to see that he does want to find a person like her that he can marry some day.
Gary said that Ronnie was at Rick's the other night and Benjy brought her there. He thought it was her first time there but Elisa said it wasn't the first time. She's there all the time. Elisa said she has fun there. Howard asked if she's been with a girl sexually. Elisa said she might have been a long time ago. Howard said she'd rather be with a girl than Benjy. Benjy said he'd get a sex change for her.
Howard gave Elisa some plugs for her album that's available on iTunes. You can find out more at ElisaJordana.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did the same thing with a girl and he wasted 5 years on that. He said she's gone now. Howard said that he can tell on 2 or 3 dates if a girl is into him. The caller said Benjy should take Howard's advice and get out. Benjy said he is dating other girls so he's not stopping that. Howard thanked Elisa for coming in and wished her luck with her career. Benjy wanted her to play another 10 seconds of another song. Howard said he's so in love with her. Benjy said that he has to hear 20 seconds of ''This Town.'' Robin asked why she didn't play that one first. Benjy didn't know.
Howard had Elisa play 20 seconds of that song. She did more than 20 seconds but Howard was liking the song. Robin said that Benjy was grinning at everyone and turning beet red. Howard said he really is in love. Howard told Elisa to let him down gently. She said she did. Benjy said she does have another song. Howard told Benjy to stop it.
Fred said she's a really nice gal but he shouldn't waste his energy with her. He told him there is no future there. Benjy said that's not what he thinks life should be. He said he's enjoying this relationship. Howard said Elisa is very lovely and he can see why Benjy is so attracted to her. He said he's going to have a talk with him and talk him down. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was reading in the paper about Arnold Schwarzenegger's kid with the maid being dressed up as Conan the Barbarian. Howard said they had a picture of the kid in the paper. Howard said the kid is 14 years old and they found him at a Six Flags theme park.
Howard said he saw that some stunt man died on the set of The Expendable's which is a movie that Arnold is shooting. Robin said she doesn't think that Sylvester Stallone wanted to be seen in that movie. She said that he was so dark that she could barely see him.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel had Brett Ratner on his show the other night and he told a story about Michael Jackson. Howard said Brett said Michael threw water balloons at homeless people. Howard said Michael Jackson was an elitist mother fucker. He said he doesn't get this whole thing. Howard said he had the clip so he'd play it.
Howard played the clip and Brett told the story about staying at Jackson's house and how his voice came over an intercom. Michael sent his limo driver to get him and they went out for a drive in the limo. Howard said that Michael wakes his limo driver up at 4 in the morning to drive around. Robin said he was paying for all sorts of things. In the clip Brett talked about putting on a Hulk mask and they went to 7 Eleven. They bought some balloons and filled them with water. They got back in the car and started driving around. Brett said that Michael saw a homeless guy walking and he told the limo driver to hit the brakes. Then Michael pops out of the sun roof with the Hulk mask on and throws a water balloon at the guy. Brett said Michael told the driver to go in reverse and he hits the guy with the balloon and tells the driver to take off.
Howard said this was disturbing on 30 different levels. Howard said this is despicable behavior. Howard said that many homeless people are mentally ill and some are veterans and none of this is making him laugh. Howard said that they took this poor homeless guy and threw a water balloon on him at night. Howard said they scared the shit out of him too.
Howard said Michael was the biggest pussy in the world. He said that he'd like to see him throw a water balloon at him. He said he'd rip off that fucking wig and punch him in whatever was left of that nose. Howard said he was a freak and he shouldn't have had kids sleeping over at his house. Howard said if Jackson had his childhood he would have shit his pants.
Howard said he wishes that the limo had broken down so the homeless guy could have beaten the shit out of Michael Jackson. He said maybe Joe Jackson saw something in that kid and beat him for a good reason.
Howard said he would have beaten the shit out of Jackson if he had woken him up at 4am to drive the car around to throw water balloons at homeless people.
Howard said that might be the most disturbing thing he's ever heard. He said he didn't like his music anyway. He said he hated it.
Robin said they're reporting on this murder trial and they say that he was a music icon even though no one wanted to see him before he died. Howard said he bets the homeless guy paid the doctor off to give Jackson the Propofol.
Howard said this asshole was so angry he was throwing shit on homeless people. He said he doesn't get it. He must be nuts.
Robin said that wasn't Bubba's house. He was saying that someone else didn't want them there. Howard said it's annoying that you have to be stuck with people like that.
Benjy said that he feels that he has a payoff already because he enjoys being around her. He said he does get sad at times though. He said he comes close to tears. Howard said he's had that too. He said he doesn't want to go through it. Howard said he lets other people affect his mood easily. He said if he doesn't see that a chick is into him he's not going to bother her. He said she shouldn't bother him either.
Howard said no one wants to be with a girl who isn't attracted to you. Benjy said that he's been with girls who are like that. Howard said he can tell that Elisa is holding out for anyone but Benjy.
Howard took another call from a guy who thanked Robin for calling out that girl for using Benjy. Howard said he thinks she's on to something. Robin said it's not a monetary thing. She said that women like to have fans. Howard said Benjy is in his 40s and he really has to get his shit together. Benjy said maybe it's because he's at that age that he wants to find the one to marry. Robin said that he thinks he's going to be happy every day just because she's there. Robin said that's not her lot in life to make him happy.
The caller also brought up the Brett Ratner story and said that it could have been someone other than a homeless guy. Howard said even if it wasn't a homeless guy it's still wrong. Howard said Brett was saying that Michael was a ''funny guy'' and it's not funny to throw water balloons at a guy. He said you can tell if someone is homeless. The caller said that they make fun of homeless guys on the show. Howard said he would never, ever, throw anything at a homeless person. Howard said he had a friend in school who went berserk and died a couple of years ago. He went mentally ill. Howard said that guy they threw the balloon at was probably homeless and freezing at night because he was wet.
The caller said he gets that it's wrong but he can't believe that Howard Stern is the one telling him it's wrong to do something like that. Howard said there were some kids who pushed a shopping cart off a roof and killed a homeless woman with it. He said that's just not cool to do. Howard said Michael Jackson is a big pussy because he ran off in his car. He should have done that to the guy's face. Howard said the whole thing is just sick to him.
the caller said that Michael Jackson was obviously disturbed. Howard said he wrote about his meeting with Michael Jackson but he made sure to make it clear that the guy was fucked up and delusional. He said the real story is that he's a freak. Howard said the humor on that Jimmy Kimmel clip is that Ratner let us know that Michael Jackson was a fucking asshole.
Howard said that Michael wouldn't even let people look at his face. Howard asked the caller if he would find it funny if he threw a water balloon at his kid. the caller said that Ratner was saying that Michael was crazy. Howard said that's not what he was saying. He was saying that Michael was a funny guy.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was talking about how Steve Jobs took LSD and he attributes a lot of what he's done to the drug. Howard said that kids shouldn't take that stuff but Howard took it. Howard said he did take it but he doesn't attribute that to where he got in life. Howard said he took 4 hits at once and it was the worst time of his life. He said he must have been very sad in his life and he never acknowledged it. He said he had smoked hash the entire day before taking the LSD. He said he was out of control and it wasn't good for him. He said that he did that to himself and he will tell kids that it's wrong. He said it's a dangerous drug and it can turn you into a schizophrenic.
Robin said there are people who have had different experiences. Howard said he'd tell you not to take it. He said you're not going to be a billionaire if you take it. He said you could end up in a mental institution. the caller said he had a friend who that happened to.
The caller also said he can't believe that he works out and can only lift 95 pounds. Howard told the caller that he worked up to that 95 pounds too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever messed with mushrooms when he was a kid. Howard said of course he did. He said you name it and he's done it. Howard said he did a little too much of everything. He said the mushrooms did nothing for him. Howard said he thought it was the dumbest thing he ever did.
Howard said people snap from this stuff. He said it's dangerous and it can't be good for you. He said he must be hallucinating because he just saw a guy pining away for a girl he can't get. He said that can't be right. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he doesn't think they have good jingles anymore. He said they used to have one for STP, not Stone Temple Pilots, but STP the motor oil additive. Howard said that he just knows that he wanted it even though he knew nothing about engines. Howard said Ronnie is probably into that stuff.
Howard said that Andy Rooney apparently isn't doing too well. He said he's like 90 years old now. Howard read about the guy being in the hospital. He said he's 92 years old.
Howard said he ripped an article out of Rolling Stone magazine about how Nick Ashford died. Robin said she hadn't heard. Howard said he used to go see him perform at some place called the Sugar Shack or something. Howard said he died of throat cancer on August 22nd. Howard read the obituary and talked about some of the songs Ashford and Simpson did.
Howard read about how they met and started writing songs together. Robin said she used to see him walking around. She said he never changed his look from the 60s. Howard said he was a cool dude and he was very nice to him. He said he'd hang out and he felt bad when he found out he died. Howard said he didn't get any play in the news. Robin didn't even know about it until Howard just told her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard the 95 pound thing earlier and he has a 16 year old kid who benches 350. Howard said he's just weak. He said he thinks he could punch a dude out but he can't do more than the 95. The caller said he can't lift as much as his kid can but he can do more than 95. Howard said he bets the 16 year old's cock is bigger than his too.
Howard said Gary's son, Jackson, looks like a brick shithouse. He said the kid is huge. Howard said he used to be a little guy. Gary said he's 6'2'' and 230 pounds. Howard said Gary is all proud of him. Howard said Gary didn't do anything. Gary said that's his sperm. Howard asked what he can bench press. Gary said he has no idea. He said he works out every day though. Howard asked if he's ever been in a fight. Gary said they don't live in a big fighting neighborhood.
Howard said Gary's kid must be getting laid. Gary said he doesn't think he has a girlfriend. He's really not sure. Howard said you never have any idea what your kids are up to. Howard said if the kids fought in Gary's neighborhood they'd sue each other.
Gary said that you want to get your kids to toughen up but it's not clear how to do that. Gary said he was in a lot of fist fights growing up. Gary said his wife was never in a fight and he couldn't believe that.
Gary said they had a black woman fight at his school and it was a draw. Howard said he would never fight a black woman. Howard said that his high school was awful when he was there and it got worse.
Howard said Sal went to the bathroom in a public restroom and he heard a guy shitting next to him. He recorded the sound so he had a clip. Howard played the clip and the other guy sounded like he had really bad diarrhea. Gary said he made that noise but only when he had the flu once. Howard said he can't listen to it again.
Howard said that a guy can stop that noise if he spreads his cheeks. He demonstrated for Robin. Gary said he's having problems at home because he has a bathroom that he shares with his wife. He said that she's disgusted if he doesn't use a bathroom spray or even if he does use it. Howard said he has a separate bathroom from Beth. Howard said Gary should go to his Man Cave and shit down there. He said he has to use his head.
Howard said Beth can go a month without shitting. He said he knows that's not good for you but he just read an article and it said that everyone is different. He said that she eats every meal with him and she can still go a month without shitting. Howard said sometimes she'll go 2 weeks or more. He said he finds that attractive. Howard said that might be unhealthy on some level but he likes an unhealthy woman. Howard said he never hears about Robin shitting. He said she has to shoot water up there to get it out.
Howard told Gary that he should use another bathroom. Gary said he uses the guest bathroom at times. Howard said he used to shit in the guest room too. He said Beth never knew where he was. Howard asked Gary if he ever smells her shit. Gary said he really never does. He said he does what he can to keep the smell down for himself.
Howard said as he's shitting he starts flushing. He said it catches the odor and everything as it's coming out. He said shitting is the worst thing. He said he does like to unload but that should be for yourself.
Gary said that noise Sal got was from an airport. He said that's what it sounds like in every airport bathroom. Howard was disgusted. Gary said the airport bathrooms always smell too. Fred played some other grunting noises and things that sounded like people shitting.
Howard said he read an article about Clear Channel and how it's a bad time to be a DJ for them. Gary said he thinks that guy Bebe was fired from Clear Channel. Howard said they're horrible people at Clear Channel. He said they end up having one station and end up syndicating it. Howard said that you have to be careful getting into radio. He said you can be replaced and it's a horrible career. He said you're treated like shit.
Howard said it's a tough business and he's not even sure how he made it. Gary said he has personality. Howard said he got rid of the music and that's how he did it. Gary said that when they were doing the top 20 countdown backwards, they eventually just went from 20 to 2 to 1 skipping everything else.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about Benjy for a short time during that rundown.
Robin started her news talking about the country's motto and how they're supposed to take a vote on it to reaffirm it. Robin said that the motto is ''In God We Trust.'' Howard said they could never get that passed today. Benjy said they're voting on it today and there's no way it won't pass. Howard said that you'd think that a country that believes in religious freedom wouldn't have a motto like that. Howard said it wouldn't pass today. Benjy said he thinks that it will pass. Howard just wanted to move on.
Robin read about a woman who accidentally hanged herself in a haunted house. Robin said she's not dead but she may have slipped and fell off the fake hanging and injured herself.
Howard said he had a clip of Herman Cain singing a gospel song. Howard played the clip and Cain sang Amazing Grace. It wasn't good. He said you just can't do this kind of thing if you want to be President. Howard said he had Cain singing ''Imagine There's No Pizza'' for his pizza chain. Howard said that's a guy who gets into his job.
Robin read some news about Cain and the sexual harassment issues he had. Cain claims he was falsely accused of sexual harassment. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Robin said that Cain actually built up this restaurant group and tried to lobby to make sure that they didn't change the legal limits for drinking. She also said that he wanted to make it legal to smoke in restaurants. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and asked Robin what show he should be watching off of iTunes. Robin said that Dexter is a good one. Gary said he promises he'll like that one. Howard said he's all caught up with Fringe so he needs something else to watch.
Howard said he asked Benjy what he would do if Elisa turned to him and had a change of heart. Howard asked if he got into bed and the sex was just okay. It wasn't the best but it was passable. Howard asked if he would move on and say she wasn't the best girl for him or stick with her because so he likes other things about her. Benjy said he's been with hot chicks and never had bad sex. He said that if it was just passable he thinks that he could put up with it the rest of his life but that's why you date.
Howard said Gary told him about a girl who had a hairy belly once. He said that's not bad sex though. That's just a physical thing. Benjy said that if the girl doesn't feel like she's into it then it's bad sex. Gary said that he had a girl in college who was doing her own thing and just trying to get off and not really be with him. He said she was in this whole other place. Gary said they were a couple and she was just doing her own thing. He said she felt a little funny too. Howard asked if her pussy was too big. Gary said that's sort of what it was. He said that was bad sex to him. Gary said they were dating but he didn't want to do it anymore. He said he was attracted to her though.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever had bad sex. Robin said of course she has. Robin said that she will go through with it just to get through it. Robin said that if you start it you might as well finish it. Robin said that she doesn't want to tell the guy she's having a miserable time. Robin said she had a guy once who kept going and wouldn't finish. She said that she just wanted him to finish already.
Howard asked Robin what else she had in the news. Robin read a story about the McRib coming back and there's a chemical that's banned in Australia and another country. Howard asked why they would put that chemical in it if it's banned in other countries. Robin said it's not banned here. Howard said they probably don't even need it. Robin said it's a flour bleaching product that they probably don't even need. Howard said he doesn't understand why they would risk the bad P.R.
Robin read about John Corzine who used to be governor of New Jersey. Howard said he kind of knew him. He met him at a Bon Jovi party once. Robin interrupted that and said that she had some news about the Gaddafi son and how he used to have a bunch of famous celebrities down to some resort he would go to. Robin said that Hillary Swank has gone to some events for people like that. Howard said it's funny that she won't come on this show but she'll go to meet those people. Howard and Robin talked about that for a few minutes. They had names of a few other celebrities who had gone to these events for Gaddafi's son. Beyonce was one of them so Howard goofed on her for a short time having her sing her ''All the Single Ladies'' song. Howard imagined what it would be like when Mariah Carey sang to him too. Howard went off on Hillary Swank for going to some Chechen President's party and blaming it on her publicist. Howard said she should take some responsibility herself.
Robin got back to the John Corzine story. She said that he's having some financial problems. Robin said after he left office he took over running a company that has had some bad times. They're filing for bankruptcy and it's one of the largest filings ever. Howard said he got some luggage from a sponsor yesterday and it's fantastic. He said it's made in the USA and it's a good product. Robin said it might be Club Glove. Howard said he thinks that's what it is. Howard said that he wrote the guy a note saying God bless the USA. Robin said that this company that Corzine was working has an investigating going on into some missing money too. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about 50 Cent and Nelly Furtado going to perform for Gaddafi too. Howard said Nelly is really cute. He said she's like the hottest midget he's ever seen. Fred played some of her music while Howard talked about her going to perform for Gaddafi. Howard said she has a bigger hit than the song Fred was playing. Robin said she did one with Justin Timberlake. Howard said she did one with Timberland, not Timberlake. Robin said she did one with both. Howard said the guys told him the song was ''Turn Off the Light.'' Fred found another song and played that but it wasn't the one Howard was thinking of. Fred said it was a number 1 hit. Fred played another one but Howard didn't know that one either. Howard continued goofing on these artists who performed for Gaddafi for a few minutes. Robin said Lionel Richie performed for him too. Howard said he has to do that to support that daughter of his. Howard wondered if he sang his ''Dancing on the Ceiling and dedicated it to Gaddafi. Fred played some of that song and Howard changed the lyrics for Colonel Gaddafi.
Howard wondered what Hillary Swank does at those parties. Jason said he saw video of her at the event and she was right next to the guy and Jean Claude Van Damme was on the other side. Jason said he doesn't know what she said but she made a speech. Jason said that a human rights group says they contacted her many times before she went and she still went.
Robin read about Beyonce performing 5 songs for the crowd at the Gaddafi son party. She said that Lindsay Lohan was there too. Robin said his name is Hannibal Gaddafi. Howard asked what Mariah performed at the party. Robin said this was a different party. Howard said there's some good money to be made doing those shows. Robin said she saw that Mariah was at this party. Howard wondered if they're worried about social issues and shit. Howard said Hannibal Gaddafi doesn't sound like a good guy. He said he heard there's also an Adolph Hitler Gaddafi. Howard said he tends to know who he's being paid by. These artists don't.
Robin read about the O awards that were on last night. Robin said they paid tribute to Steve Jobs. She said that Yoko Ono was comparing him to John Lennon. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin said they had the Flaming Lips performing a song that was recorded on an iPad. Robin had a clip of that. Howard said it sounded horrible. He told Robin to remind him not to record his next song on an iPad.
Robin said Justin Bieber has a Christmas album coming out. She had a clip of one of his songs. She also said he was on the Tonight Show last night with Jay Leno. He talked about his experience getting his driver's license. Howard said that interview is boring and Jay Leno is the worst interviewer. He said that he hasn't improved at all. He said he's not sure how anyone slogs through that show.
Howard said he had the Hillary Swank speech she made at the Chechen President's party. He said he had to hear that. Hillary started off with ''Salam alaikum...'' She said it was wonderful to be there and thanked them for inviting her to their beautiful city. They had an interpreter telling the President what she was saying. Howard said he wishes they had some specific atrocities that this guy did. Gary said he had them. He said this guy is known for being behind honor killings. Robin said he's also known for torture and killing people. Howard played more of Swank's speech and said she's a moron. Howard said she fired her publicist like she has no responsibility. Howard goofed on Swank and laughed at the things she was saying in that speech. He said she's a dummy and this is embarrassing. He said he'd probably fire everyone too. Howard said he got a note saying that Radaronline.com is saying she was paid $1.5 million to appear at that event. Howard said now he understands why she went. He also saw that she was a high school drop out. He said now he understands.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who has MS and can bench 105 pounds. He didn't want to pick that one up. He tried picking up but the guy wasn't there.
Robin read about how Jimmy Kimmel is going to be hosting the White House correspondents gala dinner. Howard said that's good for him.
Robin said she just got word that Madonna may be performing at the Super Bowl this year. Robin said that there is no official word yet from either camp.
Robin said there's a new Amy Winehouse album coming out next spring. Robin said they say she died from alcohol. Howard said she should have fired her publicist. Robin went over the list of celebrities who performed for Gaddafi and Gadaffi's sons again. Howard said he's sure they all have good explanations for that.
Robin read about how Metallica's new album drops today. Howard said he read that Lars said that his biggest mistake career wise was turning down Quentin Tarantino when he asked to use Metallica music in the movie Kill Bill. Howard said Lars said that he didn't know how to read a script and make it work with a song so he didn't allow him to use their music. Lars said that was a mistake. Robin said his next big mistake is this Lou Reed project. Robin had some of the songs they did with Lou Reed. Howard said he's not sure he wants to hear that. Howard said he likes Metallica and Lou Reed but not together. Howard played some of that stuff and said that's the kind of music Gaddafi should hear. Howard played a couple more clips and just laughed. Fred threw in some Crackhead Bob clips that actually sounded better than Lou Reed. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am. Howard said he should do an album with Metallica.
Gary said he likes that Maryann calls in and tells them stories about Benjy. He said they get nothing out of Benjy but she tells them stuff.
Jon asked how crazed Benjy was today. Gary said the Howard TV guys order breakfast for him every morning but today he missed it because he was too nervous to eat. Gary said that Benjy has been taking her around Sirius and showing her around. Jon wondered if the payoff is going to be there for him. Gary said the thing is that he's been down that road a couple of times and mostly it doesn't work. He said he may get her on an off night and get lucky. He said it can turn ugly for everybody though. He said it'll be uncomfortable for everyone.
Jon said that Will was trying to get information for Elisa and Benjy was being a pain. Will said that he was over his shoulder the whole time and he was very worried about how he would be perceived on the show. Will said the Ambien story was one of those things. He didn't want to look too weird giving her drugs before the other date she had.
Jason said he found it very creepy that Benjy gave her Ambien before her other date. He said that they're clearly both crazy. He said that any girl who would let Benjy sit 3 tables away on her other date is crazy. He said he loves it though. He said she was good on the show but she doesn't seem happy and fun loving like Benjy says she is. He said she was kind of a downer to him.
Gary said one of her great lines was about going to Rick's and saying that they have great lobster there. He said it's not like you can't go anywhere else in New York City and get lobster.
Benjy came in so Jon asked him about how he was feeling. He was apparently feeling kind of sad after the interview. Benjy said he was really tired today and he was kind of feeling sad. Jason asked where they go from here because he got her booked on the show. Benjy said he has no fantasy of getting her. He said that he's heavy now and he has no fantasy of having a girl who is as big as him.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks he could get her if he was at his ideal weight. Benjy said that the great thing about being fat is that you always have hope. He said he did want to get his friend on the show and get her music out there.
Benjy said he's very impressed by her work and she's never really done any solo stuff on radio. He said he knows she was really nervous today. He said it was her overcoming her fears today. Gary said he thinks she's really talented but they've had many talented people come through there. He said he's never seen Benjy so into it. Gary said Howard TV had shots of him bopping around to her music. Benjy said he really likes her music.
JD said he thinks he should be able to just do his thing if he wants to. He said if he's dreaming of more then he should stop because he's just hurting himself. Benjy said he gets that. He said he doesn't think that she'll find anyone better than him though. Jon said she would be saying that he's the love of her life if that was the case. Jason said he liked the angle he took to get her drugged up so he thinks he should get more or better drugs.
Gary asked where he thinks they'll be in 6 months. Benjy said he likes her a lot and he really doesn't know.
Gary asked JD if he's been there with chicks. JD said he has and it takes a little while to cut the cord but he has to. He said he went through some major anxiety over a girl and it just wasn't worth it. JD said he would have thoughts of something working out but it just doesn't.
Jon asked if Benjy is afraid of ruining the whole thing by having sex with her. Benjy said that's a possibility. He said he's not looking for a guarantee.
Shuli came in and said that their editor in the news room told them a story about Benjy doing his hurricane show and he asked him to upload 20 of her songs to play throughout the show. Benjy said she was going to be one of the people he was going to interview. He said they told him he could have done the show all night. He had other songs in that list too though.
Will asked Benjy if he liked Maryann more than he does Elisa. Benjy said he loves Maryann and she's one of his closest friends but no. He said he doesn't think that he should give up on anything either. He said he can't just drop it. Gary said he likes that Maryann calls in and tells them about the stuff he does. Benjy said they joke around a lot about that stuff.
Jon asked Benjy if he was playing up a lot of this stuff. Benjy said he really wasn't. He said that she didn't even want him to get her on the show. He said he was the one pushing for that. Jon said if she was playing Benjy, she's playing him perfectly. Benjy said he thinks she just has a really good heart.
Jason said he thinks that she left the door open for him and she is using him. Benjy said he's not as cynical about that stuff. He said he's more of a ''pussy foggist.'' They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said he has to talk about Jason because once that happened he was freaking out in the back. Jon said that Jason was jumping all over the place and couldn't believe it. Jon said he thinks Robin was just saying she had her reasons and that's gone.
Gary said that the complaint was that Howard's ex-wife got Robin the gift for her birthday and Robin said that she was upset with that. Howard had said that he was involved with picking out the gift but Robin was upset that he wasn't paying enough attention to her. Jason said that he acknowledged her birthday on the air but he had his people give her the gift. Gary said that Robin was the one who had the birthday shows for him and maybe she was upset about that.
Jason said there is no way to guess what it is but Gary's was the best he's heard. He said he's not sure why they don't want to touch it on the air though. Benjy said she said she didn't want to touch it on the air. Jason said he found it weird that Howard didn't want to touch it. He said he's not sure what that was about.
Jon took a call from a guy whose phone was kind of muffled. He had to hang up on him since he didn't understand what he was saying.
Jon had Ted play a clip from the show where Robin said that it's never been that important to her that someone say happy birthday to her. Then someone in the office pointed out the time she went off on Howard about the gift. That's when she said that she had an ulterior motive that she will never discuss.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people who are insane don't know they're insane so they can't talk about it objectively. He said Robin is obviously insane. Gary said he doesn't think she's insane but he'd like to hear her explanation of that whole motive thing. The caller said her voice changed in that clip and it's like an Alien. Jason said that there were alarm bells going off in his head when he heard her say that she would never get upset.
Jon asked if they'll ever find out the truth. Gary said Howard has his ways of getting the truth out. Jason asked if Gary thinks Robin had a problem with a certain person and she was upset about that person being involved with the gift. Gary had no idea what he was talking about. Jason didn't want to blurt out who he was talking about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think they're giving Benjy enough credit. He said he's had girls that are out of his league in the past. He had that one who showed her hooch at the party. The guy said that she said she had no interest in him but he wore her out. Gary said it worked once but maybe it hasn't worked more than that.
Jon asked what the aftermath of today will be. Gary said he hopes that people insist that Howard get to the bottom of the whole thing.
Gary said Fred was particular brilliant today when he played the grunting sounds during the shitting discussion. Jon said he had a lot of stuff in the show today and he was on fire. They had to take another break after that.
Jason said that Howard was talking about Beth being into Halloween and he doesn't want anything to do with it. Gary said that Robin is just as annoyed as Howard is. Gary said they only had two sets of four kids show up at their house. They have a power outage up there so that's probably why. Jon said they had only one trick or treater. He said that she cleaned up with the candy.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about the clip Sal had of the guy taking a dump in the public bathroom. That led to Gary talking to Howard where he should shit. Gary said he wanted to do it on the air because he has two bathrooms in the house that he likes to use. He said he has his magazines in one bathroom and different magazines and books in another one. He doesn't want to move them.
Jason said they had a bathroom in their bedroom when he first lived with his wife. He said that he would leave sweat on the seat of the toilet and his wife had to ask him to do something about that. He has to wipe the back of the seat when he's done. He said he would pay anything to have a second bathroom. Jon said that Jason's wife is a saint. Gary said he has six bathrooms and he still has a problem.
Gary said that he knew a guy who had a studio apartment and the bathroom was just a screen around a toilet. He said it wasn't a separate room.
The guys talked about Beth not shitting for weeks at a time. Gary said his kid had that problem once. He said his kid didn't go for like two weeks and he had to give him something special to get him to go. He said the kid had to scream his way through it because it was so big it didn't really fit out. He said it was like he was giving birth to a kid.
Gary said a lot of people die on the toilet because they strain so much. Jason said that he won't push because he saw that episode of The Sopranos. Jason has had people walk in on him in the bathroom there. He said it's really embarrassing. They had to end the show a short time later, at 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking to JD about his email about a ''spoiler alert.'' Howard said that he included the spoiler in the subject with the spoiler alert. JD said it wasn't much of a spoiler. Howard said you don't put next to it that David Arquette was kicked off Dancing with the Stars. JD said that you do that so they don't read what's next. JD said he knows it was dumb and he's sorry. He said if it was a bigger deal he would have taken more caution. Howard said JD is out of control. He said he loves him but he's out of control. JD said he's out of control the way he writes his email. JD said he didn't spoil the end of Citizen Kane or anything.
JD said he was being sarcastic and it wasn't meant to be an actual spoiler alert. He said he knows what a spoiler alert is. JD was laughing and Howard asked why he was doing that. JD said Howard was laughing so he was laughing. Howard said he was just smiling. Robin said she's pissed because she stayed up late to vote for David to stay on the show.
Howard said he went out to dinner with some friends last night. He said he ate like a pig. He said he's so fat. Robin said he can go bench press his 95 pounds today to work it off. Howard said a guy wrote in about that and said he can't believe it's only 95 pounds. Howard said he can lift it 8 times though.
Howard said they went home after dinner and turned on Dancing with the Stars. He said he thought that X-Factor was going to be on but it wasn't there. He said he watched Dancing with the Stars instead. He said the show is annoying because they take two hours to get to the results. Robin said she saw Justin Bieber first. Howard said they were acting like he had revived Steve Jobs. He said he can't believe people are that excited to see that kid. Robin said his hair cut doesn't do it anymore and now he's just a boy. Howard said he was accused of knocking up some girl too. Jon Hein told Howard that X-Factor is now on Wednesdays and Thursdays. He said the World Series screwed that up.
In the call to a Swap and Shop show, not Tradio, Richard calls in and asks to hear the song again. He asked him to play the whole song after the guy had only played a few seconds of it. The host took another call from Sal who said he had to agree that the song was great. The host said people do remember it over the years. Then Sal started singing a parody of that song about a Tom Seaver ball that smelled like fish because it was stuck in his wife's beaver. Richard called in and did another parody of that theme song. The host hung up on them after a few words. Sal called in again and asked to hear the song and sang about wanting to see his schlong. Sal called in again and sang another few things he wanted to sell and sang them. The host knew they were calling from Sirius. Then Richard called in and sang another one for the guy. He kept having to hang up on them. Sal called in one more time. The host said they had their number and pictures of them on the internet so they had better not call again.
After playing that Howard said in a movie he was thinking about making he'd have a guy like that on radio but when he goes home he's a serial killer or something. He said maybe he goes home and beats his wife in the movie. Howard said Sal and Richard love calling into those shows. He said it's not hard to get through apparently. Howard said that's the funniest stuff.
Howard played more of the clip and Scott was saying that Mike thinks he's better than everyone else and he wouldn't even shake his hand at a game he saw him at. He said he's a pathetic asshole and he'd skull him right in the face if he saw him out anywhere.
Howard said that was a nice little rant there. He said Gary said there is some truth to that. Gary said that's according to Ferrall but he knows that Mike didn't like that kind of broadcasting. He said he thinks that he thought Ferrall was out of control and he has said he didn't like him. Howard said Mike is doing well though. Gary said he's doing very well. Howard said you'd think that Mad Dog and Ferrall would unite over this but Gary said that doesn't seem to be happening.
Howard said he asked Ronnie what kind of plan he has for them if they do. He said he heard Joey is freaking out about this whole thing. He said it might not be a real fight. Robin said she heard Joey was going to fight Octomom or something. Howard said that doesn't sound fair.
Howard said Ronnie told him that they hired extra security but he was thinking they could tie a ball and chain to them to keep them tied down. Howard said Ronnie went out and found out that they can't chain someone to a floor against their will. Howard said he was just kidding and wasn't going to do it against their will. Howard said they came up with a plan to put one of the maniacs in Robin's booth and keep a guard on the door. Howard said he thinks that they would kill each other in the studio. Robin said they could get into it and they wouldn't be able to stop it.
Howard said Ben Stiller is going to stop by too. He said he's going to try to keep them away from Ben. He said they timed it to make sure that doesn't happen.
Howard said he got some email yesterday about the Jackie saga. He read through some of that. One guy said that he didn't like that whole Jackie contract negotiations thing. The guy said he met Jackie once and got a bunch of his CDs that he never played.
Howard said that Benjy's saga with the girl yesterday was another subject they got email on. Howard said someone wrote about how annoying her voice was. Another person wrote about how she has to stop copying Alanis Morissette's style. Howard read a few more and people were telling Benjy to just move on and give up on that whole thing. Howard read some more comments about Elisa's music and people didn't seem to be impressed.
Howard asked Benjy what happened after the show. Benjy said he and Elisa went back to the hotel and hung out. Things were just as they were before.
Howard said they got some email about the Gaddafi concert discussion they had. Howard said people liked the discussion they had about that. Howard said someone was laughing uncontrollably. He said one guy said that Howard says ''Advertisement'' the wrong way and he was goofing on Sal about Pizzeria. Howard said that he says some of those things because they're funnier. Howard said that he thinks that the ''advertisement'' thing is acceptable either way. He said that the way people say some of those things is just because they think it should be that way in the country of origin. Howard said you don't go into a pizza place and ask for a piece of ''pitsa.''
Gary told Howard that David was going to be coming into the city this week no matter what. He was going to be in there for some appearances this week. Howard said he has to dance next week though. Gary said he thinks David was confused. Howard said he couldn't have been on next week if he had to dance. Gary said David was going to come in this morning but they didn't have time. He said he was just confusing next week with today. Howard said he was just confused then. He said he was kind of curious about that whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it drives him nuts when people say ''supposably'' instead of supposedly. Howard said he hates that too. He knows a couple of people who do that and they're really high up in companies. Howard said he's not sure where that comes from. The caller, Tommy, said that he had to correct a friend about that. He said he had another friend who says it all the time too. Howard said you shouldn't get a degree if you say that.
Tommy said that Howard says ''Cyallis'' wrong too. Howard said he thinks that some of that stuff is funny. He says Cellulite the wrong way because it's funny. He said he's heard it said wrong so he repeats it because it's funny.
Robin said that Herman Cain is mangling a lot of things the more he speaks. Howard said one of the reasons he didn't vote for Bush is because of things like that. He said he's going to affect the world.
Howard said he heard Herman Cain talking about the abortion thing and it made him nuts. He said that the guy doesn't make sense. Robin said he's been having a lot of problems speaking lately. Howard said that he'd rather see a guy who has run a company as President. He said that Cain ran a shitty pizza company though. He said he thinks that he'd like someone who has participated in government and run a company successfully. He said Mitt Romney has done that. Howard said he has had to deal with budgets and legislatures and things like that.
Howard said he doesn't like that Kardashian family. David said that kid is okay. David told Howard that he enjoyed the whole experience over there. He said that he had a hard time on Sunday in rehearsal and he beat himself up all day about it. David told Howard that he had to come to terms wit that and say that it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard asked if he took a drink to steady his nerves. David said of course he didn't do that. He said that's what he used to do. David said that he has to face that stuff.
Howard talked about some of the other people on the show and how odd they are. Howard said that one guy who dances with his sister is such a tool. He said that he's way taken with himself. David said he's very talented. Howard said he's a total weirdo. Howard said the guy was kind of humble and charming on the first season but now he's just a weirdo.
Howard said he likes Karina. David said she is amazing. Howard said he watches the show incessantly and he was keyed in because David was on. Howard said when the group dance came they have Rikki Lake and other people coupling off and looking out for each other. He said it's so feminine. He said it's like every girl's dream. Howard said it's the gayest show ever. Robin said she can ignore it now that David is off the show.
Howard said he and Beth got home after having a few drinks. He said Beth told him that it was good he told David to do the show because they had a good time watching it.
Howard said he thought David would be a better dancer than he was because he always dances at shows. David said he had some things he wanted to do and he wasn't able to do them. He said he still danced a good dance. He said he thinks that he was staying calm.
Howard asked what's wrong with that show with Justin Bieber. He said that Brook Burke is a weirdo too. Howard asked what's up with her. David said she was very cool and supportive. Howard said it's no wonder he wants to get out of that town. Howard asked if there was anyone on the show he didn't like. David said he's not crazy about what's going on with Max and Hope. Howard said it's just a stupid dance show and he's not sure why people take it so seriously.
,Howard asked David if he thinks the judges were too hard on Chaz. David said he doesn't know. He said he and Chaz went out on Saturday night actually. David said that he showed up at a party he was at so they hung out. David said that it was Karina's party.
David told Howard he's sorry for screwing up the timing of when he was going to come in. Howard said it's no big deal. Gary said they're going to try and get him in there on Monday.
Howard told David to bring in the girlfriend on Monday. David said no way. Howard tried to get him to bring her in but David said he just can't do that. Howard tried to convince him to bring her in by doing his Dracula voice. Howard said she's smart enough to deal with this whole thing. Howard said she can do it.
Howard asked David about the party he went to at Karina's house. David told Howard about that and going to a party at Kate Hudson's house too. Howard asked what that was like. David said it was good. He said Kate was hot and she looked like a show girl or something. Howard asked if Chaz dressed up as a chick to fool everyone. David laughed.
Howard asked what Chaz talks to him about. David said it was just a regular conversation. Howard asked who else was at the party. David wasn't saying much. He didn't seem like he wanted to talk.
Howard asked David if he's getting any side pussy at these parties. David said he isn't. Robin said he's not going to admit to it if he is. Howard said she's right about that. Howard said maybe David was trying to get Chaz because she still has a vagina. Howard asked if it would be gay to fuck Chaz. David said ''yeah.'' David said he seems like a guy to him. Robin asked if they talked sports. David said they did actually.
Howard said maybe he'll see David on Monday. David said that would be awesome. David said that he appreciates the support he got from the fans. He said that he had just one fan who was being a dick. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Lou Bellera is married to Amy Fisher. He said that Joey Buttafuoco cheated on his wife with Amy. Howard said they've separated the two of them so they don't beat the shit out of each other. Howard said Lou looks ready for the fight they have coming up. Howard said that Lou is in the booth because he has seen them in the room together. He said he doesn't want them punching each other out. Howard had Joey come into the studio after that.
Howard said he knows that in a celebrity boxing match they don't plan on killing each other. Howard asked Joey where he's living now. Joey said he's in Southern California now. Howard asked if he was high or something. Joey said he hurt his legs riding his Harley so he's on some medication.
Lou said that he heard that Joey beat the shit out of Chynna so that's why he's going to beat the shit out of him. Howard asked Joey if he's training for this. Robin said it looks like they're just eating.
Howard asked Lou about what Amy did to Mary Jo and Lou said that happened over 20 years ago and they've moved on. He said that he thinks that they should forgive Amy for what she did and just move on.
Joey said he thinks Lou is going to beat the shit out of him. He said he looks like a tree. Howard said he saw Lou punch Joey in a room once so he thinks that was a real thing and this is going to be a real fight. Lou said they owe it to the audience to do what they have to do.
Howard said Lou is in better shape than Joey. Lou asked if he saw their sex tapes. Howard said he did. He said Lou does look like he's in better shape. Howard said this seems more like a love fest than a hate fest. Lou said that it's not a love fest. Joey said he's really not nervous about this whole thing. He said he feels strong.
Howard asked Lou if he's really training for this fight. Lou said he's taking it very seriously. Howard asked Lou if he's playing this down right now and he's really going to get in the ring and beat the shit out of Joey. Lou said he doesn't want to say what he's going to do.
Howard asked Joey if he feels that he's in shape enough to do this fight. Joey said he's feeling good about the whole thing. He said he has stamina. Howard said Lou is in really good shape though. Joey said he'll be fine to fight.
Robin asked what they're getting for this fight. Lou said that Amy is fighting Octomom. He said she's got a nationwide tour where she dances at clubs but she doesn't dance on the pole. He said she greets people and tours these clubs. Howard asked if it bothers him that she has to do that. Lou said he's proud of her. He said he wishes he could make a living doing that himself.
Joey said that he's fighting for a charity. He said that's why Lou is doing this too. Howard asked why he's doing it for charity. Joey said he's doing fine and he works in a private shop where they do custom work. He said they do work for this guy Bijou who does Rolls Royce's and things like that. Joey said his job was to tear the cars down, legally, and take everything off of it. He said the guy wanted them flat painted so that's what they would do and then ship them off to the owners.
Howard asked Lou about why he did the sex tape. Lou said at the time they did the tape they were able to make some good money. He said that he thought they could retire. He said it wasn't life changing though. He said these days you can't make that kind of money.
Lou challenged Joey to tell him the name of the charity he's fighting for. Joey named the charity and said that he knows Lou knows it's a real thing. Joey said that the charity is for youths. He said he's been sober for 23 years now and he wants to get these kids help. Joey said he gets money out of this whole thing too though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that both of these guys fucked the same skank and they both got herpes and AIDS from her. Lou told the guy to bend over. He said they hire these hard ons to come on the show. The guy told them to get a life.
Another caller asked Lou if he has ever tasted Joey's jizz when going down on Joey. Lou said he hasn't but he heard that caller had. He asked the caller if he had tasted it. The caller said he hadn't so Joey said that's the guy that was begging to go down on him.
Howard asked Joey what he thinks about this whole thing. Joey said that it's great that Lou and Amy have kids and they've got a life going on. Lou said that it's going to be hard to punch him after hearing that.
Howard took another call and that guy asked about Mary Jo and why the money doesn't go to her. Joey said all of his money has gone to her. He said that he still talks to her and the kids. He said that he talks to the kids every day. He said he does talk to Mary Jo once in a while but not for long because it can go from good to really bad.
The caller said that Mary Jo still has a bullet in her head. Lou said that was over 20 years ago and Mary Jo forgave Amy on national TV so it's over.
Lou said that he and Amy have 3 beautiful kids and they're having a good life. He said the shooting was 20 years ago and they've moved on. Howard asked how they're going to tell the kids. Lou said they're still too young to tell right now. He said they will figure it out when they come to it. He said that you are who you are today and not who you were 20 years ago.
Robin said she'd like to know how they're going to explain the sex tape. Lou said he's not sure about that either. He said that whole thing was staged though. Howard said it was very creepy.
Joey said he learned from all of this that when you get married behind bullshit that it's going to collapse. He said if you're going to run around behind your wife then you have to be ready to take on the baggage of the other chick. He said you don't know what's in their head or what's going on. He said that it can turn into something really bad. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Joey said that you shouldn't fuck around when you're married. He said he did that and look at what happened to him.
Howard asked Joey how he changed. Joey said he has a new wife and she loves and cares for him and he's not going to screw that up. He said he learned from his previous marriage. He said he loved Mary Jo too but he was young and he screwed up.
Lou said by the time he got married he had gotten that stuff out of his system already. Lou said that Amy Fisher the person is a very nice person. He said the girl from 1992 is a very different person. Lou said that his parents liked Amy and she's a good person. He said she's a very family oriented person and she's not like the person they show in the media.
Howard asked what Amy does when she dances at the clubs. Lou said she has a costume she wears and she takes that off. He said she doesn't do any private dances or anything like that.
Howard asked Joey about what he was up to back then. He asked if he wanted to get her to be his hooker. Joey said he never did that and he never would. Joey said he wrote a book and sold it. He said it's done and written. He said he didn't rat on anyone but he did tell the truth about what happened right up to the day this happened. He said he talks about the police corruption and things like that. Robin said that's not what they want to know. They want to know what happened before the shooting. Joey said he wrote about everything.
Gary said Mary Jo wrote a book and called him a sociopath. He asked if he was still going to sue her. Joey said he decided not to. He said he let it go. Joey said he cost her a lot of money with the lawyers but he stopped it and let it go. He said it wasn't the right thing to do to go after her.
Howard asked Lou what his game plan is. Lou said he's just going to see what happens. He said he's not sure how it's going to go. Lou said he's not going to predict anything but he doesn't like to lose so he'll leave it at that.
Joey said that he will go the distance and see how it goes. He said he's a pretty strong guy. Howard said it looks like Lou is going to knock his head off.
Howard said it seems like they're ready to go. He said he thought they were going to beat the shit out of one another in there today. Joey said that he thought he was going to get beat up in the green room. Howard said he heard he was scared.
Howard said he can't figure this whole thing out. Robin said she can't make heads or tails out of it either.
Lou and Joey said that Lenny Dykstra is going to fight Jose Canseco. Michael Lohan is out because he got arrested for something. Howard said that the fight is taking place on Saturday night on Pay-Per-View. Howard said you can tune in and see how Lou does against Joey.
Lou said he's going out for pizza after the fight. Joey said he's going to the Bunny Ranch with his wife. He said his wife loves that place. He said they do whatever she wants to do out there.
Joey said that his wife is there but Gary said she had to stay downstairs. Howard wished them luck with the fight and gave them some more plugs for the fight. Lou said he wanted to give Robin a hug before he leaves.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lou used to bang Tranny hookers back in the day. Lou played along with that but it didn't sound like it was the right guy. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thought that those guys were going to beat the shit out of each other but they seemed to be friendly. He said they are some strange dudes. He said he saw Lou and Joey both hugging Robin. Robin said it's part of the job. Howard said he got to take pictures with Joey and his wife. He said it's not a picture he's dreamt of. Robin said that one will be displayed too. Howard said it'll be all over the world.
Howard said he thought they were going to be in for some knock down, drag out action. He said he hasn't forgiven anyone for what happened 20 years ago or before that.
Howard said he had a clip of a high school football coach yelling at his team. Howard said everyone has a phone to record that stuff. He said this guy was yelling at high school kids. He played the clip and the coach was going off on the team saying their ass would be gone if they didn't win. Howard said the kids should have gotten up and told him to go coach professionally if he's so great. Howard said he knows the coaches are such assholes for the most part. He said some guy is going to call in complaining about that comment.
Howard played more of the coach yelling and sounding like an asshole. Howard said this is high school. The kids are 10th graders. Howard said high school kids are so young. Robin said it must be scary. Howard said you know that the coach isn't calling the shots anywhere but in that locker room. He said he finally gets some power and this is how he handles it.
Howard asked JD what this guy was yelling about. JD said that one of the students brought a friend over to help tape his ankle or something.
Howard read the article about the guy who was yelling and he had resigned his post shortly after the clip ended up on the web. The guy was saying that he can't believe that they put that clip on the web because he believes in the sanctity of the locker room. Howard said the guy says he used poor language and he was just trying to get the kids motivated to play the game.
Howard said the guy was yelling about some kid taping his ankle. He said he should just clock his time and get his job done. Howard played more of the guy yelling and he was getting louder and louder. He was cursing like crazy. That led to Howard playing the clip of Scott the Engineer yelling about his push-up contest when they weren't going to pay him off. Howard said like an idiot he actually paid Scott off for that. He said he's such a fucking loser.
Howard played more of the coach yelling and said no one is even listening at this point. He said the guy is a lunatic. He said he should be locked up. He said he hated that jock mentality in high school. He said he just wanted to get out of school. He said that he was asked to play football by some of the players. He said he asked them if they were high. He would have collapsed if he was playing.
Howard said he can't even understand what this guy is saying at this point. The coach was yelling so loud it was hard to understand what he was saying. Howard said Gary told him his coach sounded just like that and they never even won a game. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Ben Stiller is out promoting this new movie ''Tower Heist.'' Howard said Ben looks very tired. Ben said that Howard starts very early. He said he was pretty tired. Howard asked if his life is exhausting. Ben said he's doing another movie right now so it can be hectic. He's working on a movie with Jonah Hill right now.
Ben said he did take time off this summer. He said he had 8 weeks off. Ben said he spent a lot of time with his kids. He said he just saw the kids this morning too though. Ben said that he's figured out how much he can handle and how to balance it all out. Howard said he should write a book about that. He said when his kids were young it was very difficult to juggle time with his family. He said he thought his responsibility was to make money for them. He said he felt he had to provide. He said he thought his wife would take care of the rest. He said you really have to be involved with the kids. Ben said that you can't get that time back either. Ben said he worked a lot in the first 10 years of his daughter's life and you cant take that for granted.
Howard said Ben's parents were Stiller and Mira, and they still are, and he was a big fan of theirs. Howard said he saw the documentary about Joan Rivers and you see how her daughter didn't get a lot of attention from her. Howard said she was a second thought. Howard said Ben must have been second to his parent's career. Ben said he wouldn't say that he was second to their career. He said that they were very into their work though. Ben said he thinks that his dad wanted to do comedy and got his mom into it. He said that they stayed in New York and never went to California. He said they would take the kids with them whenever they could. He said sometimes they were there for them and sometimes they weren't.
Ben said they didn't know any different at the time. He said his parents loved them and when they could be there they were there. Ben said they had a housekeeper, Hazel, who raised them. He said they used to go and stay with her at her house. She had 7 kids of her own. Howard asked if the kids were angry or jealous of him. Ben said he thinks there must have been some issues because she used to sleep over at their house when she was working for them 5 days a week.
Howard asked if the people in L.A. are the same kind of people there are in New York. He said he'd like to have warmer weather. Ben said that you can live a life out there and not worry about walking down the street. He said that you can live in a house and not interact with people out there.
Howard asked Ben why he moved back to New York. Ben said he missed the city. Howard said he has figured out a way to live in New York without being bothered by people.
Howard asked Ben if he really moved into a building that his parents used to live in. Ben said that is true. He said that is a little crazy. Ben said about 6 years ago they were visiting and his mom told him they had an apartment for sale in the building so he went and looked at it. Ben said that he never thought he would move back to the city and in the same building. Ben said that the apartment was just remodeled and it was perfect for them. Ben said that he talked to his wife and she said they should buy it just so they have a place in the city.
Howard asked if his wife, Christine, set rules for the parents not to just walk in and stuff. Ben said that they learned from experience. He said they were in the bedroom one day talking and he could see his father standing in the bedroom. He said that's when they had to establish some rules. Howard asked what his wife calls his dad. Ben said she calls him Jerry. Ben said they'll go down and knock on his parent's door and they've established boundaries.
Ben said that they've moved back home and they're spending even more time at that apartment. Howard said it sounds like it could be a sitcom. Ben said it really could be.
Howard said Ben has said that he wanted to be a serious actor but he found that he could do comedy. Ben said he wanted to direct actually. He said he has passed on some movies that he regrets. He said he was sent ''Good Will Hunting'' and he didn't get around to reading it so he didn't really pass on that one. Ben said if he had just picked it up and read it then he could have gotten in on it. Howard asked if he can look at a script and see that it's a good movie. Ben said you can see if it has potential.
Howard asked Ben how he got into the movie making thing. Ben said he used to shoot stuff in Super 8. He said he never went to film school but he wanted to go. Ben said he ended up quitting school before he could get to it.
Ben said he's never written a script by himself. He said he worked with Justin Theroux on Tropic Thunder together. Ben said they were walking down the street and a Paparazzi started taking shots. He said that the guy came over and asked who his friend was. He said he was with Justin and it was like 2 weeks before the whole Jennifer Aniston thing broke. He said now the whole thing would be the opposite if they were walking down the street because Justin is dating Jennifer.
Howard said he is a big fan of Eddie Murphy's but he seems to have gone through this change after he got all of this money. Ben said he's been successful since he was 18 though so how do you know? Ben said he had nothing but a great experience with Eddie. He said he is a mysterious guy though. Ben said they worked together every day and it was great. He said he thinks that Eddie is a shy guy but he's so good in a scene. He said he gives all of that energy. Ben said that it's a very powerful and real thing.
Howard asked if Eddie is funny in the movie. Ben said of course he is. Howard asked if he does a scene differently every time. Ben said that he's very good and very serious about what he does. Howard said he read that Eddie hasn't read a newspaper in 20 years and he just stays in his house. Ben said that's not that unhealthy actually. Howard said he read he has a 2 lane bowling alley in his house and he sits there playing guitar and doesn't talk to anyone. Howard said it seems very lonely. Ben said he thinks the guy is iconic. He said he's a guy who is very talented too.
Howard asked how the whole movie came together. Ben said it was originally Eddie's idea and they were going to have a black cast. Ben said it somehow came around to him and he didn't know it had come from Eddie. Ben said he talked to Brett about it and they figured that Eddie would be great in one of the roles. He said they went to him with that. Ben said that they all wanted to be in the movie so they all worked out a contract so they could be in the movie. They didn't take their huge salaries. Ben said it's not about that. He said they wanted to do a movie that was good and work with other people who are great.
Howard asked Ben if he gets points on the movie. Ben said he wanted to be part of a good movie and that's what it was about for him. Howard said Eddie needs the money for his bowling alley though.
Ben said he has actually run into Eddie out at a coffee place. He said that he got a tap on his shoulder once and it was Eddie. He said he didn't even know what to say. He said they were also on an airplane together once and they had a nice discussion on the plane. Howard said he doesn't want that kind of pressure when he goes out. He said it's almost like a date. Ben said that they talked about Harold Lloyd and things like that while they were on the flight. Howard said you talk about that to show you're into movie history. Ben said that's exactly what it is. Ben said they're pretty much the same age so they have the same references.
Howard asked how Brett Ratner got involved. Ben said he got involved and that's when he learned that Eddie was actually involved in the project already. Ben said that once Eddie's name came up there was no one else who could play that part.
Ben told Howard that they have Alan Alda, Matthew Broderick and others in the movie. Howard said he knows Alan, he lives in his building. Ben said that he really likes Matthew and he's friendly with him. Howard said it sounds like he has a great life. Howard said he got together with Ben and he never saw him again. He said he feels like he blew it. He said he and his wife were talking the other night about how they get together with celebrity couples who never get in touch with them again. Ben said that you have stress when you want people to think you're interesting. Howard said they never get invited to anything again after going out once.
Ben said that Howard wanted them to go to his palatial home in the Hamptons. Howard said he invited them but they didn't come. Howard said they had a nice dinner and that was it. Ben said they're back home and maybe they can do that again. Howard said he can't pull out a Harold Lloyd reference like Eddie can. Howard said he's not that interesting.
Ben said he was nervous working with Eddie. He said that even after all this time it's still nerve wracking to work with him. Howard asked if he hung out with him a lot. Ben said they did a little and he likes the guy. He said they shot the movie in New York and they had a benefit for Haiti during the shoot so Eddie came to that.
Howard said Ben actually goes to Haiti. He said he's going to die of exhaustion. He said that he goes to Haiti and helps out there. Ben said they still have like 600,000 people living in tents there and it was 2 years ago that the earthquake happened. Ben said he goes about once every 6 months. Ben said Howard should go. Robin said Howard can't even go to a resort. Howard said he really cant.
Ben told Howard that Haiti is beautiful and he had gone there on vacation before the earthquake. Ben said that it gives you perspective when you go there and see what happened there. He said they have a great hotel called the Olefson there. He said that there's a new government working there and hopefully that will get them going again.
Howard asked what kind of car he drives down there in Haiti. Ben said that he gets driven around in a car. He said it's very important to support them down there. He said that they haven't been treated well by their government all these years. He said that you can't just forget what's going on there. Ben said there are a lot of people trying to make changes down there.
Howard said maybe he'll go to Haiti with Ben to see what's going on there. He said they can get Eddie and Jennifer Aniston to go. Howard said she's got a magnificent ass so he can look at that while they're there. Howard said he could be the great white hope showing up in Haiti. Ben said if Howard went there it would be such a media fire storm. Howard said he's so afraid but he would love to do it. Ben said they could do some live shows from down there.
Howard said it seems to him that Ben is getting more muscular. Ben laughed. Howard said he must be working out heavily. Ben said he exercises but he's not really working out. Howard asks if he runs. Ben said he can't run. Howard said he does and his foot bothers him. Ben said he had to stop running. He said he started doing P90X. Howard didn't even know what that was. Robin said she tried doing it. Howard told Ben not to go too far and become Joe Piscopo.
Howard said he eats until it's painful. Howard said he thinks he could get Ben running again. Ben said he'd love to but afterwards he's not feeling good. Howard said he could help him out.
Howard told Ben about his last vacation where they had ants all over the place. He said they were spraying for ants and it was a nightmare. He said it wasn't just one or two ants, they were all over the place. Ben said he went on a trip and woke up with a giant water bug on his lip. Howard said he doesn't want that kind of thing.
Howard said he's happy Ben is a New Yorker again. He gave him a plug for the new movie ''Tower Heist'' and asked if he's nervous about the box office. Ben said there's always expectation and there's nothing they can do about it at this point. He said you can't control things you can't control. He said he never even reads reviews. He said he stopped that about 10 years ago. Ben said he never gets anything out of it. Howard said it must get to him and bum him out. Ben said it doesn't help his process.
Howard said he reads everything and he can read a bunch of great stuff about himself but then the one person who says something negative is the only one he sees.
Howard said he saw that he wanted to renew his wedding vows. Ben said that he thinks after 10 years of marriage he's ready to do that. He said he found his vows in a back pack just recently. Howard asked what the worst part of marriage is. Ben said he doesn't know if there is a worst part. Howard asked if it's tough being in his position and he can't bang chicks. Ben asked what happened to promoting the movie. Howard got back to that.
Howard and Ben talked about Eddie Murphy again. Howard said he was kind of asleep on Letterman the other night. Ben said he was great on Leno last night. They talked about him getting back into comedy and what that would be like. Howard said he saw that Eddie hasn't done stand-up since he was 27 years old.
Howard gave Ben some more plugs for his movie and Ben told Howard what it's about. Robin said it sounds like a Bernie Madoff kind of thing. Ben said that's kind of what it is. Howard said that they say Ben was paid $15 million to do this movie. He said that he cut $5 million from his price because he's that kind of guy.
Howard said maybe one day he'll see him again at dinner. He said it doesn't seem to be in the cards though. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what album that song was from. Fred said it was ''Odelay.'' Howard wondered what ever happened to that guy. He said he thought he looked just like David Spade.
Howard said there's a college where students yell at each other in the stands. He said he hates that shit. Robin said Howard hates everything that people enjoy. Howard said the kids yell ''fuck you'' at each other in the stands. He asked where that clip is. Gary said that's the University of Wisconsin. Howard played a clip of that and one side yells ''eat shit'' and the other side says ''fuck you.'' Howard said he hated college. He said he felt very out of place. He said he was scared out of his mind in college. He said he hates people wherever he goes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's right about one thing with that coach. He said a lot of them are teachers who are doing it for a paycheck and they're into it as a power position kind of thing. The caller said he's a coach and he gets into it because he's into the sport. Howard said he's glad they got rid of that guy. The caller said that a lot of these kids could save a lot of money getting a scholarship playing football. Howard said that the days of a coach pretending to be Vince Lombardi are long gone. He said you can't yell at a 16 year old like you're a four year old. He said it's obnoxious and they're yelling and screaming out of their own frustration. Howard said it becomes mind numbing.
Howard asked the caller why other teachers don't yell at you like that. The caller said that not all coaches are like that. Howard said they are and now kids can record them on their phones.
Howard let the caller go and said it's funny how coaches think they can act like retards. He said the guy in that tape sounded like a lunatic. He said he's a guy who was ignored his whole life.
Howard asked if they could imagine a social studies teacher yelling like that. Howard did an impression of what that would be like. He was yelling about there being only 50 states, not 52. Howard did that for a minute yelling about various social studies subjects. Howard said that football coach is just a big dope.
Howard played more of the clip and said those dopes think that's the way they're supposed to motivate people. He said that's beautiful.
Howard said he admires Ben. He said he has a good heart. He said he isn't afraid of the world. Robin told Howard that he would have loved The Rum Diary. She said that there was a hot which chick in the movie who went to a club in Puerto Rico and the guys there all gathered around her and wouldn't let her boyfriend get to her. Robin said it was a pretty serious scene. Howard said he'd never want that to happen to Beth.
Howard said he gets nervous in any country. He said he was nervous in London and even in Cannes. He said he loves this country and he doesn't want to leave. He said he loves his TV and all of that. Howard said even Canada is scary to him.
Jon ran down some more subjects for today's show. Howard ended up talking more about the Ben Stiller interview and the Harold Lloyd reference. Howard said he hated Harold Lloyd movies. Howard said he had to watch that stuff for class in college. Howard said he learned nothing from them. Robin said that some people learn how to make movies.
Gary asked if he ever had to watch Jacque Tati. Howard said he never did. Gary said that Ben mentioned him and he made silent films in the 1970s. He said it was really boring stuff.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned how Ronnie was looking into chains to keep Lou and Joey chained down. Howard said he likes when Ronnie gets into his body guarding stuff. He becomes a new guy. He was looking into that and his friends told him it was illegal to do that against their will.
Ronnie came in and said he was trying to do the right thing and Howard is cumming all over him. Howard asked what he's talking about. Ronnie said it's like he's jerking off all over him. Howard said he told Ronnie that they'd have to ask them if it was okay to do it and it wouldn't be against their will. Ronnie said he was just checking into it. He said he called Howard once and explained it to him. Howard said he wishes he had kept that message. He said Ronnie told him 7 times that it was illegal in that one message.
Howard said he knows it's illegal. He said they'd tell them before doing it. Ronnie said that's what he told him. Howard said he explained it once and then 5 more times. Howard asked if he can stun gun them. Ronnie said they can't do that either. Howard said he loves Ronnie as a police officer. He gets all serious about stuff.
Ronnie said he heard a rumor that Jillian is trying to get him on her show while he's out in L.A. He said he'll tell her about no chains and handcuffs while he's out there. Howard said he'd be a great guest on that show.
Robin was goofing on Ronnie for saying that Howard was cumming all over him. Jon said he wishes he had the voice mail. Howard said it was great. He said Ronnie was calling his ''sources'' and asking about chaining people up. Howard said Ronnie told him that the authorities say that you can't tie anyone up against their will. Howard said he told him if they were going to be arrested they could handcuff them. He and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie as they were goofing on him.
Howard said he's going to check to see if he kept that message. He said he has to take a break so he'll do it then. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Robin's friend was sitting in. His name is David Pack and he was in the band Ambrosia. Howard spent a minute talking to him about being in the band and David sang a little bit for him. Howard asked if he still sings. He said he does and he's out doing his own thing now. Howard asked why he doesn't go out with Robin. David is married. Robin said he has a beautiful wife and she had fun hanging out with them. Howard asked how old his wife is. David said that she's younger than he is. Howard said he's desperate to get Robin a husband. Howard listened to some of Ambrosia with David singing.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be his gym teacher from Roosevelt. Howard picked up but the guy was white and his teacher was black.
Howard talked to David about Ambrosia a little more. David said they went out and toured with the Doobie Brothers back in the day. Howard asked if he got a lot of pussy. David said he didn't know what he meant. He told Howard he was actually married so he was a good boy. Howard asked Robin what she has to do with David today. Robin said he's just there to visit. He's usually out in the Napa Valley so she doesn't get to see him that often.
David mentioned that he was hanging out with Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Howard said he'd love to bang her. He said he thinks she's hot. Howard said he once said she can't sing but he had her mistaken for someone else. He said she's actually a very good singer. Howard said he loves problematic women. He said he wants David to say hi to her and tell her to come in there. He wants to talk to her about sex and meth.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer is a big fan of Ambrosia. He has their anthology on his phone. Scott came in and showed them that he has it on his phone. Scott played it so they could hear it. Howard said he had Scott pegged for an Ambrosia fan. Howard said this is his groupie. David said he's the only one in New York. Howard said it's amazing that Scott is actually moved by something.
Howard asked Robin what she had in the news. Robin said she had a story about a model who was fired for making some comments about Gaddafi. It turns out she was a girlfriend of Gaddafi's son. Robin read about what the model said and she said they were normal people and they're not as they're depicted in the news.
Robin read about how Sirius signed up 334,000 subscribers. Howard said he wants the company to do well but it's despicable that they're not paying him money he's owed. Howard said he wants the company to do well. Robin said the stock didn't do very well after that announcement. Howard said he knows the stock will go up eventually. He said he thinks that what put them over the top was the Studio 54 party. He said that must be what brought them in. Howard said he and Robin figured that they're worth about $57 thanks to the Sirius stock being worth $1.73. He said that the stock was at $1.77 before the Studio 54 party and $1.73 after. They're making great decisions there.
Robin read about Oprah's OWN cable network and how it's still losing money. Robin said they're still behind the network at Discovery though.
Robin said that Jerry Seinfeld will be sitting in on Regis and Kelly while they're looking for a new host. Howard said he bets Regis is upset about that. He said he got a note from Regis with a copy of his new book. He said he thumbed through it and there's a picture of him and Beth in there. Howard said Regis said he thinks he's a really good guy and he will read his book.
Howard asked David if he's worth over a million dollars. David said that the music industry is a mess right now. Howard asked if he knows what he's worth. David said he is not a millionaire. He said they did sell millions of records. Gary said he saw that he produced the Clinton inaugurations. David said he lost money on those. He said he didn't get reimbursed for some of the stuff he did. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the horses in Central Park. Howard said he heard from a guy who he knew who had gone to check them out and he said that they're actually treated very well there. Robin said that the horse that died in the street recently had an ulcerated stomach. Robin said that people are calling for an end to the horse carriage rides but Mayor Bloomberg has said that it's not going to end. He said that they are treated very well there.
Robin read about a woman who claims to be having Justin Bieber's baby. Howard said that he was only 16 at the time and she was 19 so that was illegal. Howard said he thought that kid might be gay but apparently not. Howard said he seems kind of a-sexual. Robin said that the woman claims he was kind of aggressive that first time. Howard said he must not have used a rubber. Robin said she's not sure if it's true or not. She said it could be another Billy Jean kind of thing like Michael Jackson had.
Howard said he had some audio of Jillian Barberie and Robin Givens talking about what a catch he is. He played the clip and Robin said that she did date Howard. She said that Beth got a great husband. She said he's an amazing man. Jillian was talking about how gentle but firm he is. Howard said Robin must be filled with curiosity about him as a lover. Robin said she's not. She said she can't even think of Howard that way. She'd rather not hear about him in that way.
Robin brought up Herman Cain and said that he's talking about the sexual harassment thing. Robin said that people were saying that there was no settlement but there was actually two settlements. Cain said he had trouble remember it from 20 years ago. Robin said the cases were sealed so we don't know the whole story there. Robin said one of the women's attorney has said that she wants to tell her side of the story. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Howard had Vinnie Favale on the phone and asked David to tell the story about one of his songs being used in the movie Knocked Up. Vinnie was kind of muffled and Robin didn't even know it was him. Vinnie said that he covered one of his songs too. Vinnie said he sent Gary the link to the song. He said David did a great job.
Howard asked David if he wanted to tell that story. David said they used his song ''Biggest Part Of Me'' in the movie ''Knocked Up.'' That was about it for that story.
Robin got back to her news and read about what's going on in Libya. Howard had the song that David did for Vinnie Favale. David just then realized it was Favale he had on the phone earlier. He did a song for the musical ''Herafter.''
Robin read about the stock markets around the world going crazy the past few days. Greece could be defaulting on some loans soon. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about what's going on and how things are collapsing in slow motion.
Robin read about the Dr. Conrad Murray trail that's going on. She said that nearly 50 witnesses were called in that case. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what happens next.
Robin said that Pete Townshend is lashing out over illegal downloading. Howard said it's a great time for that. He said he should have been doing that when Metallica was lashing out. Howard said someone must have just told him that the music industry has gone down hill. Robin said that Pete has called iTunes just another vampire in the industry. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had Howard play some Wallflowers music and said that Jakob Dylan has said that they're going to be making more music in January. Robin said it will be their first album since 2005.
Robin read about Jacey Duggard's mother saying that people can get through the worst of the worst. She had some audio of her talking about how happy she is now that she's home after being kidnapped in 1996. Robin said that she gave birth to two kids fathered by her kidnapper. Howard said that was a horrible story.
Robin said that Kim Kardashian is saying that she didn't make millions on her wedding. Howard said that's bullshit. He said she sold her pictures for over a million and she does that show on E! for money. Robin said she claims ie was a real wedding and she's devastated that it didn't work out. Robin said that Chris Humphries is upset about the divorce as well.
Robin had some audio of Eddie Murphy talking about ''Tower Heist.'' Howard did his Eddie impression before stating the clip and it sounded very much like him. Howard said he has to get his ass in there. He said he has to straighten his ass out. Howard goofed on him a bit as he was talking about working with Gabourey Sidibe. Howard said poor Eddie had to be dragged out to talk about this movie.
Robin said she was reading that Rolling Stone article about Eddie and how he made the reporter bowl and listen to him play guitar. Robin said the guy just went along with it. Howard said he could never do that. Robin said she knows he could never do that. Howard said when he did his interview for Rolling Stone he just sat down and talked to the guy. Robin had more audio of Eddie talking. She had some of him on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Howard said he did sound more normal in that clip.
Robin read about Chris Brown and how he'll be performing on the 2011 American Music Awards. Robin said that people get all excited to see him and he's the one who punched out his girlfriend. Robin wrapped up and Howard spoke to David for a few more seconds and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said Ben was talking about hanging out with Eddie Murphy on a flight and it sounds like he was able to bond with him over some movie stuff. Gary said Howard sounded like he would be horrified to have to talk about old movies for 5 hours.
Jon said that Ben talked about moving back to New York and how his parents are in the same building. Gary said he gets the idea that Jerry Stiller and Ann Mira are very much like their characters on TV. Jon said that it must be tough to have your parents in the same building. Gary said he thinks that everyone goes through that kind of thing. He said that if they said they were going to have dinner at 2 his parents would show up at 1. He said that he tried to talk to him about it but he ended up just biting the bullet and dealing with it.
Gary said he's trying to remember who they did that to in the past. He said he thinks it was Booker T who got really angry at someone else in an interview. Benjy said the other guy was Daniel Carver during the roast show. They put him in Robin's booth.
Jon asked Ronnie about how the whole chain thing went down on his side. Ronnie said he checked with people there about it. He checked with two people. Jon asked if he really thought he wanted them chained up. Benjy said Howard's point was that Ronnie thought they were asking to do it without their permission. Ronnie said he knows that they'd have to get permission. Gary said Benjy is asking why he didn't tell Howard that they could do it if they had permission. Ronnie said he did tell him that. He said they'd have to get their permission for it.
Benjy asked why he would bring it up to Howard if he knew that they were going to get permission. Ronnie said he gave Howard every scenario. He said you can't just have them walk in and tell them you're going to handcuff them. Gary said they would have told them what they were going to do no matter what. Ronnie was all agitated about the whole thing.
Ronnie said that the Sirius people didn't want them to do it. He said that they weren't happy with it either way. Jon asked about chains. Ronnie said it's the same thing.
Jon asked about the layout of the studio. Ronnie said that he laid it out for Gary and told him to let him know if there would be any changes.
Jon asked Ronnie about the way he was saying that Howard was ''cumming'' all over him. Ronnie said that Howard is breaking his balls no matter what. He can't do the right thing no matter what he does.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie could ejaculate some knowledge on him. He asked if he had a girl pass out in his car, did he need permission to handcuff her in the car so she won't move around. Ronnie just told him to do what he has to do.
Another caller said that Ronnie is lazy and that's the bottom line. He said they could have gotten it done if he had checked into it more. Ronnie said that this guy is a fucking asshole who doesn't know what he's talking about. The caller told him to be careful or he'll break a hip.
Gary said Joey was in a very odd mood before the interview. He said Joey wanted his girlfriend to come in with him but he had already talked to him about that. He said Joey was very belligerent and wanted to bring her in even though he said she had to wait in the green room.
JD came in and passed Jon a note. Ronnie asked why he was leaving. Jon said it was something they already covered. He said that JD was saying that maybe Ronnie was trying to create a new catch phrase by saying that whole ''cumming'' thing.
Jon asked JD about his ''spoiler alert'' message. JD said he was just joking around with that and he assumed that Howard would have seen it before then. Gary said most people would write that if they don't want to see who got kicked off Dancing with the Stars then don't read it. JD said that Howard would have read it anyway. JD said he was being sarcastic with the spoiler alert thing. Jon said that sometimes that sarcasm can be lost in an email.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is boring and that's why people don't want to hang out with him. Gary said this guy doesn't know what he's talking about because he's never hung out with Howard. Gary said he isn't boring. The caller said he had a conversation with Howard years ago and he spoke to him maybe 17 minutes and it was boring. He said Howard just talks about the same shit he talks about on radio. He said he's boring. Benjy said maybe he wasn't interested in having a conversation with the caller.
Gary said it sounds like the guy was in a meeting with Sammy Hagar and this guy was there. The caller said he was in a meeting with Sammy and the whole thing revolved around Howard. Gary asked if this took place during a commercial break at the radio station. The caller said it could have. Gary said he's getting where this is coming from. Gary said if this goes the way he thinks it went the guy just came in after Sammy's interview. He said it was probably 4 or 5 minutes that he spoke to Howard at the most. Gary said he didn't have a real interactive meeting with Howard. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hasn't listened to the wrap up show in a long time. He said it sounds like Ronnie is always being attacked when they ask him questions. Ronnie said that Howard, JD and Gange do that to him. He said that's just his thing. He said he's just crazy and out of his mind.
Another caller asked where he went to school. He said his grammar is awful. He said he just told JD ''You can't talk good.'' Ronnie told the guy he was home schooled. Ronnie told the guy he doesn't care what he says or what he thinks. Ronnie had to get going after that.
Jon said another Ben Stiller thing he wanted to talk about was the Haiti thing. Gary said that Howard doesn't even like going on vacation to another country. He said that some of these places are so close to this country they're almost in this country, and he still doesn't like it. Gary said he tells Howard he went to Italy and he'll just say ''Yeah, I'm not going there.''
Jon said that Ben was talking about how he just wants to make good movies and the money doesn't matter. Gary said he understands why he would do that. He said making a movie you want to make for $15 million is probably better than making one for $20 million that you'll hate in 4 months.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say kudos to Richard and Sal for their Traido call. He said it's kind of funny that Richard drops clues that he's a woman but no one ever picks up on that. The caller asked where Steve Langford is. Gary said he's at another station.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard is one of the best interviewers ever but it annoys him when he will just move on when someone is answering a question. He said he could tell that Ben was getting frustrated with them today. Gary said that Howard's interview wasn't any different than it's been in years. Jon said Howard does like to move things along and maybe that is being taken as cutting him off.
Benjy said Jeff Probst had a theory about that and how Howard isn't really interested in something so he'll just move on. They had to take another break after that.
Gary said he and Jon didn't think it was that big of a deal. He said that they were able to tell who played on a sports team and who didn't by the reactions to that clip. Jon said if you play on a team then a coach is going to want to get you going. Gary said the language part is ridiculous. He said that everyone has heard those words by that age. Gary said a lot of times that stuff is just for effect and the guy isn't really that worked up. He said that he gets their attention by doing that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he called yesterday about the kid who can lift 350 pounds. He said that every coach yells and screams at their kids. Gary said he told Howard that it's the way it's always been but Howard said that doesn't make it right. The caller said he thinks that his language was a bit more colorful than it should have been for that age kid. He said that if a kid looks up to a coach they'll go out and try to fix it if he's upset. Jon said that's what he was thinking. Jon said you don't win games by just speaking calmly. He said you have to be worked up to go out and win.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he coaches and he thinks that guy was out of line. He said it was the language and the tone. He said the subject matter too. The caller said that there are better ways to teach a lesson other than that. He said he felt the guy was acting like a complete jerk to his team.
Another caller said he thinks that Howard is out of his mind. He said at that age the coach has to bring out the best he can in those players. He said maybe they were slacking and he needed to get them motivated. He said the guy has to be more than just a coach to those kids too. Gary said on any given high school football team there are kids who are going to go further than that. He said that might be their moment. They quickly talked about Howard's offer to play football in high school but they had to end the show.
Howard asked Gary what was going on with Susan. They ended up talking about Gary going down to be the grand marshal at a gay parade with their DJ Madam. Gary talked about the gay parade and what was going on down there. Gary said there was a Tina Turner tyranny down there and they had an intern down there who didn't know it was a guy. Gary said he had to tell him it was a guy because he was getting turned on by her. Gary said he looked better than the real Tina though. Howard said he would have known it was a guy. He said they never fool him. Gary said he's not so sure about that.
Howard said he saw about 10 or 12 people ahead of them who were drag queens and they had taken plastic shopping bags and made dresses out of them. He said they had big moustaches though.
Howard wondered what the station was doing down at the gay parade. He said he doesn't want to be at a homo station. He said it's supposed to be rock and roll. Gary told Howard about this guy who was wearing an outfit that made him look like a caveman.
Gary said they told anyone who wanted to come down and march could come down with them. They were giving out a prize for the best costume so a bunch of people showed up. Howard said he hates stuff like that. He said he hates parades. He said if he was gay he'd be embarrassed by those idiots.
Gary told Howard about a group of people who had bongos and it sounded just like a clip they used to play on the show when they'd play. Gary said they had a gay and lesbian drum and bugle corp down there too.
Howard said Gary went down there and did it for free. He said that's pretty wild. He said he hopes that the homosexuals appreciate what they did. Gary said it was a cheap way to get a lot of people to see their station. Howard said they don't listen to rock and roll. He said they listen to disco.
Howard asked where Susan Berserkawitz is at. He said he tried to get her on the line but she wasn't there. Howard kept trying but she wasn't there.
Jessica The Breast Trick Girl. 11/3/98. 8:00am
This woman Jessica came in to show Howard her very special talent. Jessica can hold stuff under her very large breasts. Howard spoke to the 26 year old for a few minutes and then moved on. Jessica can put stuff under her huge breasts and it'll stay there. She told Howard that she started doing this after her roommates goofed around and put doody bands(Jessica's name for rubber bands) on her boobies. One of her friends, Amy, came in and said they never put stuff on Jessica's breasts. Amy said that Jessica did it herself. So Jessica took off her top and showed Howard her amazing talent. She put Howard's book Miss America under her breast and it stayed put. She then went on to put a frying pan, a waffle griddle, a telephone, a 2 liter bottle of Coke and an iron under her breasts. Each item was held in place by the massive weight of her giant breasts. Howard was amazed. After all of that Howard wanted to move on but Jessica wanted to stick around and talk. Howard asked her what she wanted to talk about but Jessica didn't know so he ended the segment.
Howard got Richard on the phone and Richard asked if he was done yet. He said Howard has to let him talk a little bit. He said it's 4:15 in the morning where he is and he hears Howard putting him down and he's not going to have an erection for weeks because of that. Richard said they had a 4 year run and it was a good run. Howard said the first two seasons were a limited run. He said it was full two seasons, not four.
Richard said he's writing a new show for him and Don Rickles. Robin said Richard is sounding like Don Rickles these days. Howard said Jamie Lee Curtis ruined that TV show. Howard said she took her top off in Trading Places and she was a gorgeous girl. He said that's her best asset. He said she was a bim in ''A Fish Called Wanda'' too.
Richard asked why he was being rude to him. Howard said he's not. Richard said he put him on the unfunny list and didn't appreciate that either. Howard kept bringing up Jamie and how she ruined the show. Richard kept talking so Howard had to talk over him.
Howard said he tuned into a show the other night and saw Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser. He said Richard used to say that Reiser ripped him off and he saw what he was talking about. Howard said Reiser was doing the same hand to the head that Richard does and he does the same voice and speech pattern. He said he's never seen anything like it. Howard said it was a blatant rip off. Howard said he must go out of his mind seeing that. Richard said he has that show with Rickles now and it should be good. Howard said Rickles was in his prime 20 years ago though. Richard said he's great.
Howard asked Richard why he lets Reiser rip him off instead of saying he sucks. Richard said he admits he took his style early on. He said he hasn't seen his show and he really doesn't care. Richard said he thinks he'll see Howard hanging out with Reiser any day now. Howard said he won't do that to a friend.
Howard asked Richard what he wanted to say about President Clinton. Richard said he's been traveling around the country and he's not out of work either. Richard said if Clinton doesn't become president then it's a joke. Fred played a snoring clip over Richard as he was on his Clinton rant. Howard muted his voice and talked over Richard as he was going on and on about Clinton.
Howard said Richard has no coherent thought. Richard was still talking in the background so Howard kept going and talked about how he's really not against him.
Howard interrupted Richard but Richard kept going even though Howard was trying to talk. Howard said Richard is talking about Cher now. Howard tried to say something but Richard wouldn't let him do it.
Howard said they could do the show over Richard but it might be hard to hear the phone callers. Howard finally interrupted Richard so he could ask a question. Richard was going on and on about Clinton and why he wanted him elected. Howard muted their voices again and let him ramble for a little longer.
Howard said he wanted to ask Richard about his girlfriend before hanging up on him. Howard interrupted again and said that he agrees with all of his points. He said he thinks that he's swayed some people this morning. Then Richard started to go again. Fred played more snoring clips and then Howard told him that they had just voted Richard off the phone. Richard hung up. Howard said he wanted to ask him about girls but he hung up. Howard said he's going to be pissed later when he hears this.
An Angry Ronnie The Limo Driver Yells At Howard Again. 11/03/04. 8:00am
Howard heard that Sal the Stockbroker was being yelled at by Ronnie the Limo Driver in a private studio at the station. JD came in a short time later and asked Howard if he wanted an update on that. At first he just said he didn't know what was going on but then said that he told both him and Steve the Engineer to leave the room. Artie thought that having JD and Steve in the room is like having no one in the room. Ronnie came in yelling at Howard. He said that Sal was farting around him and throwing papers on his chair this morning so he told him not to mess with him. Ronnie was pissed that Howard was taking someone else's word over his and he's been working for him for 19 years now. Howard said he's going to have to put Ronnie in the RoboSpanker. Gary told Howard that Sal got in trouble yesterday for farting on an intern. Howard said he really has to chill out with that stuff. Sal claims that he didn't fart on anyone, he just let one slip while she was in the room. Howard told him to pull himself together. Tom came in and said that the intern didn't want to be treated that way and she was disgusted by the whole thing. Tom said that it's not the first time he's done it either. Sal said that it slipped out. He also said that's the reason Ronnie is upset with him today because he thought he'd farted in front of him. Tom told Sal that if he doesn't like working there, he can leave. Sal started to bad mouth Tom right there so he was told he was lucky to be there. Sal told Tom that he earned his place there and he wasn't lucky. Tom was the one who suggested that they hire him to work there though. Sal had called the place a dump at one point and Tom didn't like that. Howard said that it really is a dump. Artie said that before they call the place a dump, they should check out the brand new hair that was stuck disgustingly to the coffee machine...
Howard and Ronnie were still arguing about what was going on as well. Ronnie was upset that JD came in and told Howard about what went on. Artie started to do his ''Wah, wah'' bit again with Ronnie this time. He was relentless with that stuff. Howard played a clip of Ronnie yelling at Isaac from E! when he tried to interview about what was going on with Sal recently. Ronnie said that he just can't stomach Sal and told him to go F-himself. Sal was talking to Ronnie about his Scores party but Ronnie was getting really pissed off at him. Howard played a song parody that they had of Ronnie yelling about stuff. He said that the band Jet was coming in today and they were the ones who were kept out of the Champagne room at Scores because there was a ''Howard Stern'' party going on there. Artie thought that was funny that one of the hottest bands around was kept out of that room because he and some other guys were there instead.
Midget Actor Visits. 11/03/08. 7:50am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys had Evil Dave make to Mark Harris. Howard came back after that and said that they had their viewing gallery in place. Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks was there.
Howard said that she flew in from L.A. just to view Eric. Natalie laughed when she heard that. She said that she flew in yesterday afternoon. Natalie said she was very excited about this. She had a Halloween party on Friday night and Michael Jackson showed up to the party. She said that a friend of hers brought him over. She said people thought it was someone in a Michael Jackson costume. He even brought his kids with him to the party.
Natalie said she was introduced to Michael but not to his kids. She said that his son is the most well adjusted kid. Howard asked if she calls him by his name ''Prince Michael Jackson.'' She said she dint' know what she referred to him as.
Natalie said that everyone was concerned about the way Michael was treated. She said that she heard that Michael found the way to the living room and watched the kids in the back yard. Howard asked if he was very focused on the kids. She said it wasn't like that.
Howard asked if Michael acted bizarre at the party. Natalie said that he was bizarre but also very sweet. She had to go greet him at his car. Howard said that if she had to work that hard she should have told him not to come. Natalie said he wouldn't even recognize her if he ran into her tomorrow. She said that he had never even heard of her before that.
Howard asked if Michael hung out and spoke to any adults there. Howard said he had a business meeting with him one time and the guy barely spoke.
Natalie said that she thinks that Michael is stuck in time as a child. Howard said ''join the club.'' Natalie said he's got lots of handlers and she figured that if he wanted to blend in with people, this party was the perfect time for it. She said that he didn't really blend in though, he just came as himself.
Natalie said that Michael walked past the DJ booth and the DJ started to play ''Thriller'' not knowing that it was really Michael Jackson.
Natalie said that the woman who brought Michael to the party was Gregory Peck's widow Veronique. Howard said she should bring him to this show too.
Natalie said that Michael could be normal if he just spoke to people. People would forget if he didn't make a whole production about the visit. She said that his kids were sweet and no one knew who they were so it was good for them. Natalie said her son is a huge fan of Michael Jackson's. Howard said that maybe he'll have a sleep over then. Natalie said maybe that will happen. Natalie said she didn't introduce her son to Michael though.
Howard did an impression of Michael and goofed on him a little bit. Artie was goofing on him to and offering Natalie 10 million to let him bring her son up to his room and things like that.
Artie said that Natalie gets to see Eric the Midget and Michael Jackson both within 72 hours so that's pretty wild. Natalie said it's going to be the greatest Halloween ever.
Howard asked Natalie why she wanted to come in and meet Eric. Natalie said that she just wants to know if anything makes him laugh and she'd love to see him tickled. Howard said he'd let her tickle him. She said she wouldn't do it herself.
Howard introduced Kristin Massy who was a superfan of Eric's and wanted to come in and meet him. She said that she loves all of his segments on the air and loves his attitude. They also had Adam from Newsday.com who is there to has been following Eric's saga over the years. He said it's a momentous occasion and he hopes to be able to put something together for the site.
Howard said that Kevin from Real Doll is there to measure up Eric for the doll they're going to make of Eric. Howard said that Kevin doesn't work there at the Real Doll place but he's there to take the measurements. Kevin said that they have to measure his head right down to the width of his fingers.
Howard moved on and had Eric come in after that. He was coming in with two women from the Bunny Ranch who had sex with him last night.
Howard and Robin both sounded surprised when they saw Eric actually coming into the studio. Robin said she doesn't think he gets tickled much.
Eric said good morning to Howard and Howard talked about the girls who were there from the Bunny Ranch. They were Cherry and Haley. Howard asked Eric how that went. Eric said that he was just going to say that hanging out with them was fun. He said that everyone in there is out of his personal business. He said he's cutting them off. Artie said ''Bye Eric!'' when he heard that.
Howard asked Eric why he's cutting them out of his personal life. Eric asked if they remember January and February. No one remembered anything about those months.
Howard asked Eric if it was cool to meet him. Eric said it was pretty cool to be there. Howard asked him when he got into town. Eric said he got in about 9:30 last night. Howard said he heard that Eric almost didn't make it in this morning because the girls kept him up.
Eric said they were up until about 2 in the morning. Howard said he must have been burnt out. Eric said that's what it was.
Howard asked the girls if they comped Eric for this. They said that they can't be hookers out there in New York so they couldn't get paid.
Howard asked the girls what they did for Eric last night. The girls said that they had dinner in the room, of course, and then they got naked and got started with him. They wheeled him down to their room and treated him like a piece of meat. One of the girls said she picked Eric up and carried him to the bed. Robin said Eric smiled when he heard that.
Howard asked Eric if he likes being by the girl's boobs. Eric said it was fun. Howard asked the girls if they were wasted. They said they weren't.
Howard asked who did what to whom. He wanted every detail. The girls said they both worked on Eric. One of the girls said she took his pants off and he was ready to go as soon as they did that. Howard said Eric still works down there.
Howard asked Eric if he had a boner down there right now. Eric said he didn't and he just had his hand down there to keep it out of the way.
Howard asked the girls what happened next. The girls said that one of them was in the bathroom while the other one got started. Eric said he knew he was in for a good time when that started to happen. The girls kissed him and gave him some oral sex. They said that Eric likes tits and he likes to lick and suck them. They said he was kind of timid though.
Howard asked Eric if he went down on them. Eric said he didn't. Howard figured he didn't have to. Eric said that they did lick his balls.
Howard asked how many loads he dropped. Eric said he wasn't sure but the girls said it was just one. They're going to have round 2 tonight. Howard said that's surprising and Eric must be addicted to the Bunny Ranch. He said he's heard that he's been calling them a lot over there. Eric said he doesn't call them that much.
Howard asked the girls if they put the rubber on themselves. They said that they do that for him. Then they had Eric on his back and they took turns doing him. The girls said that he doesn't cum as quick as you'd think he would.
The girls said that Cherry was the one who fucked Eric. She said that she didn't have an orgasm with him but she gave one to herself. Eric was playing with her clitoris though. Eric said he thinks he learned that from watching porn. Howard said it sounds like Eric had a great time.
Robin asked Eric why he threatened to kick them out of his personal life. Eric said it was because they ended a relationship he had back in January and February because of the show. Howard said that he had that relationship because of the show and he can't blame them for making him lose it.
Howard asked Eric if he's in love with Cherry and Haley. Eric said he's not sure and he's not sure if he could fall in love with them.
Howard said he had some surprises for Eric today. Howard asked Natalie what she thinks about all of this. Natalie said that it's great to hear all of this. She asked Eric if he would go to dinner with her instead of having the girls tonight. Eric didn't get a chance to answer.
Very Special Guests Meet Eric The
Midget Speechless Actor. 11/03/08. 8:15am
Howard told Eric they were going to have this guy Kevin measure him for the Real Doll. Eric said that he's not going to get near him. Eric said he doesn't want this fuckin' doll made, period. Howard said it's a great honor to have it made. Eric didn't agree. Kevin told Eric that most people would look at it as a great honor. He said that they're going to make a prototype of the doll and millions of people could have sex with him once they make it.
Howard asked Eric if he'd let him measure his head and his height. Eric said no to that. Kevin said that he's going to size him up just from looking at him.
Artie said he can't wait to fuck Eric's face. He said that he wants to fuck the mouth on it so he hopes it's soft. Kevin said they'll have a 2 input doll and the mouth is one of the two. Natalie asked if she could measure him. Eric sounded like he was going to say yes to that but then said ''No.''
Natalie asked if Eric is going to get a commission on the Real Doll. Kevin said he'd have to talk to the Real Doll people about that but he thinks they could work something out. He said they can make the dolls custom and make detachable ears and stuff.
Howard said that Adam from Newsday wanted to say something. Adam said that he wanted to see a little proof that the girls did something with Eric. Howard asked the girls if the wanted to show off what they do. They went in and kissed him. One of the girls had a tattoo on her and she claimed it was Eric at first, then she said it was Biggie Smalls and then said it was her boyfriend.
The girls took off their clothes and started kissing Eric some more. Howard said it looked like the real deal to him. He said that he's a real man now. He asked if his parents are still giving him a hard time about this. Eric said his parents are upset and they're publicizing it. He said that they're threatening to kick him and his room mate out of his house that they're in now. He said they might make him move back up to their lake house.
Howard said that they have a special guest coming in next. He asked Eric if he has any guesses for who it might be. Eric said he knows that Kurt Angle was one of the guys. Howard that Kurt is one of the guys but he's brought someone in with him.
Eric guessed it was Kelly Clarkson. It turns out that it was actually High Pitch Eric playing Kelly Clarkson. Eric said that it wasn't Kelly, it was ''High Pitch Idiot.'' High Pitch sang a song to him about his stinky twat. Eric told High Pitch to get away from him. High Pitch asked ''Who's High Pitch?''
Gary said that Eric stunk up the hallway really bad this morning. Howard told Gary to get him out of there then.
Howard asked Eric who else he would like to see there. Eric asked if it was Brandy Talore. Wrong. Eric asked if it was Katherine McPhee. Wrong again. Howard asked Eric who he calls 900 times a day looking for her trying to get in touch with her. Eric's face lit up when Howard brought that up. He figured it was Diana Degarmo. Eric said that would be good if they brought her in so Howard asked if they could make the Real Doll if they brought her in right then. Eric said he would like to meet her outside of there. Howard told her this is his shot, take it or leave it. Eric then said that he would do it if she came in.
Howard then introduced Diana Degarmo and had her come in and say hello to Eric. She and Eric have met before so they said hi again.
Howard asked Diana what it was like when Eric was calling her mother all the time and trying to get in touch with her. She said that they actually got to meet out in California and people ask her about it all the time. She said she loves that she's famous on the show now thanks to Eric.
Howard said he told Eric not to come on so strong with Diana but he insisted on calling her. He said that he thinks that Eric had fantasies about becoming friends with her and he came on a little too strong. Diana said that calling her mother's house was interesting. She said that her phone is no longer connected thanks to that. She said she changed her number.
Diana said that her mother gets a lot of calls from fans so she's used to it. Howard said it must have been a little unnerving to have someone she never met before calling her so much. Diana said that it was kind of strange to have someone she's never met so interested in her.
Howard said that Eric is a little shy and he was going to speak for him. He said that he was a huge fan of hers and maybe she would like to go out to dinner with him or something. Howard said he would let Eric say it himself if he wanted to. Eric was at a loss for words. He eventually said that it was great to be able to meet her those two times in California and he's hoping that they can continue to meet with each other. Diana said that she would like to meet with him at the shows and stuff.
Robin wanted Eric to say what he really hopes will happen. Howard said that Eric is looking for more than just hanging out at her shows. Howard and Robin said that Eric thinks that she'd fall for him if he got to hang with her more. Eric was at a loss for words again and didn't know what to say. Artie told Eric that he had a better chance of fucking Ruben Studdard.
Howard asked Diana if Eric had any shot at becoming Mrs. Diana Degarmo. She said that's possible but her boyfriend might be a little upset about that. She said that he's not a little person either, he's big. Diana said the timing is just bad for them.
Howard asked if Eric can come out and see shows. She said that's definitely possible because he's been a great fan. Howard said he could see the disappointment in Eric's face. Luckily he has the whores from the Bunny Ranch to keep him happy. Howard asked Diana to put in a good word with Kelly Clarkson for Eric. She said she would do that.
Howard asked Diana about being on this TNA special that's coming up. She's going to be on the show but she said it's a big secret that she can't talk about at this point.
Howard had Kurt Angle come in next. Kurt was there to promote the TNA thing. Kurt had never met Eric but Eric said that he had seen Kurt at a few wrestling events. Kurt and Eric said their hellos and then Howard asked Kurt some questions about wrestling.
Howard asked Kurt about working for TNA and why he can't get into Ultimate Fighting and stuff. Kurt said that he decided to go off on his own and do the TNA thing instead of the WWE. Kurt said that they were overworking him there at the WWE. Kurt said it's been a growing experience and he can't be any happier than he is now.
Kurt had a cut on his nose so Robin pointed that out. Kurt said that he's always in fights. He said that he's been fighting for a long time now. He's also recently single. Kurt said he has a crush on Robin and wanted to ask her out.
Howard said he thought that Diana was a virgin. Diana said that she could still be one, they'll never know. Robin said Diana looks like she's experienced life and she's not one. Howard asked her about being on American Idol, season 3, and what that was like. Diana said that she had a love / HATE relationship with Simon Cowell.
Diana said that they made her watch all of the old episodes over again recently and it was really tough to watch. Howard said that Eric was so near her private area that he was blushing. Howard said that he must be fantasizing about that. Howard asked Eric if he was. Eric didn't have anything to say. He let out a little grunt but that was it.
Howard told Eric this is his last chance to hook up with Diana. Kurt told him to do it now or he'll regret it for the rest of his life. Eric said she's not single so it's pointless. Kurt told her it doesn't matter and he just has to have the balls to ask her. He said it's his one chance.
Kurt said he heard about that call that Eric made where he said ''You know what to do..'' so he was going to make him an honorary member of his TNA Main Event Mafia thing. Kurt told Eric he just has to go for it right now and ask Diana. Kurt said he has to go for the P.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to say anything to Diana right now. Eric didn't have anything to say to Diana since she's not single.
Howard gave Kurt some plugs for his TNA special that's going to be on Spike TV. He went on to ask him about leaving the WWE. Kurt said that he was on a ton of pain killers because he broke his neck 4 times. He said he got addicted and asked if he could go to rehab and they didn't want to let him go. He said that he had to quit after that.
Kurt said that he doesn't look at Vince McMahon like a father figure anymore. He said he used to but now he looks at him like a businessman. He said that Vince didn't want him to go to rehab and that didn't work for him.
Kurt said that the injuries that you get in the WWE are even worse than what you get in the MMA. Howard asked what happened between him and his wife. Kurt said that he got her a job at TNA and they grew apart after that.
Howard asked Eric if he was lucky enough to marry Diana Degarmo, would they ever grow apart. Eric didn't say anything. He was still speechless. Kurt said he could hook up his ex-wife with Eric.
Artie asked Eric if he would make Diana take his last name and make her ''Diana the Midget.'' Eric said that's not his last name.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to say anything to Diana before she leaves. Natalie said ''Diana do you want to measure me?'' right before Eric asked her out. Eric asked her if she would go to dinner with him in California the next time she's out there. Diana said that she'd have to think about that. She said that she will hit him up on Myspace the next time she's going to be out there. Kurt said that it sounds like she's giving him the big blow off. Diana said that she was going to kick Kurt's butt. Kurt told Eric he can fuck him and he'll have the best night of his life. Eric said ''no thanks'' to that.
Howard asked Eric if he would take him up on that offer. Eric said that he's a guy so he won't be taking him up on that.
Howard thanked Natalie for coming in and asked her if she was satisfied that she got to meet Eric. She said that she has days worth of questions for Eric. She asked Eric how long he was with the girls last night. The girls said it was about 2 hours. They were doing a lot of kissing and touching and stuff. Natalie said that it was interesting how he didn't know how many times he orgasmed. She said that she remembers how many she has every time she has sex.
Howard gave the girls from the Bunny Ranch a plug for the show they have on HBO called Cathouse. Eric said that they did a commentary show at JFSC.tv about that. Howard gave Kurt and Diana plugs for the TNA thing too.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to say anything to the people who came to visit. Eric said that he wanted to thank Kurt and Diana to come down. He wasn't mentioning Howard so Howard had to prod him into thanking him.
Kevin asked Eric if he would let them add on a bunch of inputs into his body so more people could fuck his doll. Eric didn't answer that. Kevin also asked if they could measure his head before he left. Kurt asked which head that was. Kevin said that it was his cranium.
Howard asked if the girls could measure Eric's cock tonight. The girls said that it was over 5 inches. They said they remembered that from last night. Howard thanked everyone for coming in again. He asked Eric if he wanted to fly with balloons before he left. Eric said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he thinks that love could blossom from this whole thing between Eric and Diana. They ended the interview a short time later and went to break.
Howard talked to Jennifer about what she does for a living. She works in a real estate office. Howard said the guys there must look at her chest and get turned on. He said that they must talk about her chest there. She said they probably do. Howard asked if she's blonde in her lap. She just laughed. Howard asked if she squats in a vat of bleach. Jennifer wasn't saying.
Howard said Jennifer sits at work and does this boring stuff and she wants to sing. Howard asked if she's ever sung for money. She said she has. Howard asked where. Jennifer said she does sing around at some places. Howard said she wants to be Courtney Love. Howard asked her to sing something to him. Jennifer asked what he would like her to sing. She asked if Whitney Houston was good. Howard said that would be fine.
Jennifer started to sing some Whitney Houston song and Howard told her to stop. Fred played a dog howling clip. Howard told her she was very good. He asked her not to get too uptight. He said he's heard a lot of real estate agents sing and she's the best of them. Howard said she's cute and that's what counts.
Howard said the most exciting thing to ever happen to her is what's happening right now. He wanted her to sing another song so he had Jackie give her a lyric sheet. Howard told her to try that out. Jennifer sang what they had written. It was actually a listing for a house that she was singing about.
Howard said Jennifer is debating about whether or not to take her top off. He said she's a nice lady and if she doesn't want to do it he's fine with that. Howard said she can go and leave and live her boring life if she doesn't take it off. He said if she does take it off she's going to break out. He said she could become a professional singer and it would be a springboard for life. Howard said she's going to be a new woman.
Jennifer didn't want to do it so Howard told her she'll always be a real estate worker if she doesn't do it now. He said he's seen enough breasts to last a lifetime. He said he's doing this for her. Howard asked Jennifer to come over to him so he can show her a good time. She went over and Howard asked if she wanted to take her top off now. She was laughing. She said she would do something for him. She showed him her bra. Howard asked if she had a rush doing that. She said it was good. Howard asked to see it again. She showed Howard again and he said what he just saw was beautiful. He said she has assets.
Howard said he thinks that if she did it then she would feel great. Jennifer showed Howard some more. Howard told her to go sit down. He said she's getting too full of herself. Howard said she's shaking like a leaf now. He said she just turned things around and changed her life with that. He said he sees her in a car crash in 1998.
Gary told Howard he has a Spanish woman on the phone who says this is practically rape. Howard picked up on her and let her go off on him for a minute. The woman said that he's pressuring her to take her top off so it is like rap. Jennifer said she didn't take her top off and she didn't do anything she didn't want to. Howard said this woman is just jealous. He said she wishes she was down there taking her top off for him too. The woman said she doesn't want to be with him. Howard said this woman doesn't have sex and she's just a horny cow. The caller said Howard is just a horny old geezer. Howard said he gave this woman life and this caller gave her nothing.
Howard went off on the caller saying that she must be fat and she should go give milk. He said he doesn't care what she has to say. Howard said that he'd like her to go back to Puerto Rico. Howard told her to leave his country alone. Howard said her accent makes him put his hand over his wallet. She hung up. Howard wrapped up with Jennifer a short time later.
Howard moved on to the game and he had a guy playing the part of the host who asked what the word ''bubbameister'' means. He gave him multiple choice answers. Gene guessed that it meant ''nonsense'' and he knew that because he grew up in a Jewish neighborhood... Brooklyn.
Jet Performs Live In The Studio. 11/03/04. 9:00am
Howard said it was nice to have the band Jet there because he was sick of talking. One of the guys in the band is getting married so Howard wondered what he was doing. He's marrying an actress and he never thought he'd be getting that kind of poon. He said that he didn't have to tell her that he was in a band to get her either. He said he waited about a month. The guys didn't believe that was true and Artie said that the first thing he tells a chick is that he's in the band Jet.
Howard asked the guys about how they ripped the band Nickelback a new a-hole when they goofed on the way they sing. Then they met them somewhere in Germany and they were the nicest guys in the world. The band basically said there aren't many other bands they like. Howard wanted to get a look at the drummer's actress wife so he spent a couple more minutes asking him about her. He said that her name is Alexi Wasser and she's only 22 years old. She hasn't appeared in any magazines like FHM or anything like that yet. Howard and Artie tried to convince him that getting married is a bad idea. Artie told him that he should be out banging this hot chick he knows by the name of ''Everyone.''
The bass player wasn't going to be playing anything today because they didn't need him for an acoustic song. Howard said that the band has sold 2.7 million albums so far. Artie said that means Alexi is going to be worth like $8 million. Howard and Artie couldn't get over that whole thing and kept goofing on the guy for getting engaged. Howard took a few phone calls for the band. One guy complained that the show was getting chopped up for some reason. Gary came in a short time later and said that nothing was cut on their station so he didn't know what the guy was talking about.
Howard asked the guys to perform their song ''Are You Gonna Be My Girl.'' They went right into their acoustic version of the song a few seconds later. When they were done Howard told them they did a nice job. He said he has to get a band because he's wasting his time there. Howard asked the guys about the Scores thing that happened on Friday night. Ron from Atlantic Records was at Scores and told the guys there that he wanted to bring the band down there but he was told that there was a Howard Stern party going on. Howard wasn't there, it was Ronnie the Limo Driver's party that was going on. Howard wanted Ron to know that it wasn't him, it was a Ron Mund party, not a Howard Stern party. Ron said he said that's the party he was supposed to be at and they brought him right in. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Ron was confused about the party and he thought he was at the other Scores. Howard and Ronnie ended up arguing again over the whole thing. Ronnie wondered why the past parties were okay but this year's was a big deal. Howard tried to explain it to him but Ronnie never wants to listen to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who thought the band sounded so good that she started to cry. One of the guys in the band said that it was a really emotional song. Another caller said the band was really great as well. Howard had a porn clip playing of a gagging chick and the guys thought it was pretty disgusting. Howard gave them a plug for their album ''Get Born'' and their new DVD ''Family Style.''
Howard wanted to find out more about this song ''Look What You've Done'' but the guys didn't want to talk about it. The song was apparently about the guy's father getting divorced from his mother but he didn't want to talk about it that much. Artie started to do his ''Wah, wah'' stuff again and goofed on the guy a little bit. Howard played the song after that and said the lead singer has a good voice. He also said that he wouldn't be able to write a song like that, he'd be more blatant with his lyrics. The guys are heading home tomorrow after touring for two years. Howard thanked them for coming in and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Wendy The Retard And Jeff The Drunk Call In. 11/3/03. 7:45am
Wendy the Retard called in to tell Howard that she's in a bowling tournament for retarded people. Howard wondered who pays for all of that stuff. Howard asked her if she's going to have retard sex up there and come home pregnant. Wendy said she won't do anything like that. Howard found out that Wendy doesn't use bumpers when she bowls but some other people in the group do. Howard said he thinks that there will be some retard sex going on up there. He asked Wendy how she's going to avoid the sex thing. She said she'll tell Billy, who she's attracted to, that they have to stay concentrated on their game.
Wendy said that she knows how to keep score so that's what she'll be doing. She said the tournament takes place from December 5th to the 7th up in Tampa, Florida. Wendy asked Howard if he could help her out with some money for food and stuff. Howard didn't have any prizes to give to her so he told her to call back some other time when he has money to give away. Howard then said that he had $500 courtesy of ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' Wendy then went on to play drums and tried to sing a song to Howard. Howard cut her off after about 2 seconds. She was pounding on the things so Howard turned her back up and listened for a few seconds. It turns out she lives in an apartment. He said he can't imagine what living next to her would be like. Howard talked about how great it would be to be retarded. You don't care about anything and you're happy all the time. Howard said that she's always happy and the only miserable person is the guy living next door to her while she's playing the drums.
Jeff the Drunk called in all pissed off with Howard. He said he was upset that Howard had given Wendy the money and wouldn't help him out. He then threatened to shoot himself and a gun went off. Howard didn't understand what he said so Robin told him he was just joking around. A few seconds later Jeff was alive and kicking and said his buddy was shooting a shotgun in his yard. Howard spent a few seconds talking to him and then took another break.
Howard said Robin's horse looks like a donkey. Robin said she knew she was going to be ridiculed. Howard said it looks like someone was holding the horse. He asked who the white horse was. Robin said it was Howard the horse. She said it was named for Howard. Robin said when the horse first arrived it was very tall and gangly and uncoordinated. Robin said it was oversexed and out of control so they named it Howard.
Howard asked Robin what went on. Robin said she hadn't ridden the horse before this show. She said that she wasn't really nervous but the horse was acting different in the ring than it did in the back when she rode it before the show. Robin said it was a mess. She said she's only been riding 3 months and everyone else was experienced.
Robin said they got her out there by saying she was going to emcee the show. Robin said she did this for free and she wanted to. Howard asked how many people were there at the Brendan Byrne Arena. Robin said she wasn't sure but the place wasn't packed. Howard asked when she got there. She said it was around 6 o'clock and they had some jumpers warming up in the exercise area. Howard asked her about that and said he would never want to sit on top of something when it jumps. He said he's going to jump himself if he wants to jump.
Robin told Howard about what she did before the show. She met Joan London there. Howard asked about going out and riding in the ring and asked if she was mic'd. Robin said the premise was that she was going to emcee the class. She said she was going to call the class. She said she ended up taking the class instead. She said they tried to get her to jump but she didn't do it. Robin said she's got sore legs today from that too. Howard said she's lucky she didn't end up like Christopher Reeve.
Howard had some audio of an announcer introducing Robin and some of the other celebrities that were there. Donna Fiducia was there. Howard said she used to be his traffic reporter. Howard played the clip and they were introducing Joan London first. Howard said she needs a man to work her over to get her off that horse. Howard asked if Donna Fiducia has money. Gary said she must but she's had horses as long as they've known her. Howard asked if she's holding up well. Robin said she is.
Howard played more of the clip and heard Robin's intro. Gary told Howard that they had Robin mic'd so we can hear her talking while she's doing her thing. Howard played the clip and the announcer was talking about Donna Fiducia's jump. Howard said she wasn't there for a class. She already knows how to ride. Howard said Robin didn't know what she was doing. Howard said they set her up. Then they asked Robin to do a jump but Robin wasn't up for it. Robin was afraid she'd fall off.
Gary said Robin's trainer was on the line and she wanted to defend her riding. Howard said he knows that she just started. She doesn't need to defend her. Howard tried to get her on the phone but she wasn't there. The phones weren't working so he flipped out and said he has to get his own studio that he can have under lock and key. Howard said he asked for that if he signs a new contract. He said they said no. Howard said they're actually working with him on that.
Howard got back to the audio and played more of Robin's ride. Robin was talking to Joan London and Joan introduced her to her daughter. Robin told Howard that she got a ribbon for that class. Howard congratulated her on that.
Robin told Howard about some of the other stuff that was going on and she was told to go out and gallop. Robin said the horse started galloping with the others. Howard asked if she didn't know how to stop it. Robin said she didn't and she had no time to think about anything. Robin said he galloped with the big boys. Robin said her trainer gasped when she saw that happen. Howard said of course she did. Howard said this woman who started the gallop is a wise ass. Robin said there were a couple of people who gasped when they saw her horse take off.
Robin said one of the horses actually bowed in the ring. Howard said he wants Robin to teach her horse to juggle to show up everyone else there.
Howard played more of the audio of Robin talking to Joan London. They were going on and on about their horses and Joan told Robin she was doing wonderful. Howard had some fun making fun of her about that.
Howard said it sounded like a triumphant night for Robin. Robin said it was a good experience for her as a student. Howard said she should have a picture of her with her horse on the cover of her next book to show she made it. Robin said she had a lot of fun. She said she's upped her lessons to 3 a week now. Robin said she's like glue on the back of a horse. Howard said he gives her another month. Robin said that's fine Mr. bike rider. Howard said he bets she gives it up. Robin said she's still roller blading. Howard said he still thinks she'll be done in a month. He asked who got her into this. Robin said she has always loved horses. They wrapped up a short time later.
Ken asked who else was in the room with him. Robin was there and so was Brenda who was Pig Virus' assistant. Ken said hi to both.
Howard asked why there were no blacks or gays on Leave it to Beaver. Ken said the gay thing just wasn't brought out in the media back then.
Howard asked Ken if he has any acting jobs coming up. Ken said he'd like to do some things but he's not doing much right now. Howard told him he's a marvelous man. Ken didn't respond. Howard asked if he was still there. Ken was still there.
Howard asked Ken if he minds the Eddie Haskell questions. Ken said he doesn't mind. Howard said he's sorry to hear that he's still into the beaver thing. He let him go a short time later.
Gary came in and said that he had it once. It was a long time ago. Gary said a doctor took some kind of specimen and figured it out. Gary said it was fine for him and it stinks for women. Robin said Gary was there to confess. She asked how many he infected. Gary said it may have been 2 or 3. Gary said he did warn them that there was something wrong with him but didn't say what it was. Howard said he must have told them that they were In-FaFa-Fected.
Howard said Gilbert is a mess. He can't heal so he wonders what that means. Robin said he must have a very unhealthy body. Gilbert said he has to give up and retire from basketball.
Howard asked Gilbert who he's voting for. Gilbert said he doesn't tell anyone how he votes. Howard said his immune system is more interesting anyway.
Robin read some news stories and Gilbert hung out during the segment. Howard and Robin spent some time talking about a few things. Howard said Robin hopes that Gilbert's wound opens up again.
Robin read about Magic Johnson retiring again. She said he made his announcement and said he's done this time. Howard had some stories about people who had been infected with AIDS by coming into contact with infected blood and no open wounds on their own body. Howard said he gets why basketball players would be worried.
Gary came in and told Howard that Alec Baldwin is on the phone. He wanted to lend his support to Howard when he's out in L.A. Howard picked up on that call and talked to Alec and Alec told him he's listening to the show. He said he's in on the FCC rally he's doing out there. Howard said he's talking like a man with a brain now. Alec said he's going to do that even though he boned him with the Al D'Amato thing. Alec didn't want to get into that though. Howard said it means a lot to him that he's willing to take that step to fight on against the United States government. He said it's good ratings too. He told Alec to get some of his friends to show up.
Howard said that Alec told him not to vote for D'Amato but he had some stuff wrong about him. Alec an Howard spent a few seconds on that but Howard said that maybe they should wait until after the rally to talk about that stuff. He didn't want to have a falling out.
Howard said this is a sign of a true friend. He said he's looking forward to seeing him out in Los Angeles. Gilbert asked if he could lick Alec's fingers out there. Alec said yes. Howard asked Gilbert what he would do to Kim Bassinger. He didn't get a chance to answer. Howard told Alec to bring a picture of Kim to the rally.
Howard let Alec go and spent a little time talking about him and Kim Bassinger. Howard gave Gilbert a plug for his HBO special but said he really doest care enough to ask more about it.
Howard told Robin she's going to have to wear rubber panties to the rally because she's a big fan of Alec Baldwin's. Gilbert asked if she's going to show him her big, black Kluge. Robin said ''Here we go again...'' Howard had to take a break after that.
After an edited out break Howard had Gilbert do some of his Disney parrot voice. Gilbert said it's just his regular voice. Howard made him do it anyway. He gave him a few things to say. Gilbert said a couple of things.
Howard and Robin talked more about Magic Johnson retiring. Howard gave his thoughts on why he should step down now that he has the HIV virus. Robin said there's also a rumor going around that Magic is gay. Howard said he's heard that himself. Robin said Magic has said he thinks that the rumors are being spread by Isaiah Thomas.
Robin read some more news and had a story about a dead body that was placed in front of a political office after he died of AIDS. Robin said they held a rally in front of the Bush/Quayle headquarters.
Robin read about a guy who believes that the Virgin Mary appears at his house. Robin said he had 2000 people show up to his back yard to see her.
Gary told Howard that he had an angry black woman on the phone who was upset with Gilbert over something he was saying. Howard picked up on her and she went off on Gilbert for talking about Magic Johnson the way he was. She told him to shut up. Howard said Magic is just a basketball player and he's not sure why she holds him in high regard. She said he's a role model for many people. Howard said he's the worst role model in the world. The woman yelled over him and didn't listen to what he was saying. She was going off on Gilbert and Gilbert just laughed. Howard let her go off on him for a couple of minutes. The caller was telling Gilbert how awful he is at acting and how unfunny he is. Howard agreed with her on some of her complaints.
Howard asked the woman to let him talk or he'd hang up on her. She kept talking. Howard said he has to say something. Howard said Magic is not a role model. The caller said that he is to some people. Howard said anyone who idolizes basketball players... She cut him off. Howard thanked her for the call and hung up on her.
Howard said they should be idolizing doctors, lawyers, accountants and people like that. Gilbert said they should idolize doctors, lawyers and other Jews. Howard said the important thing to remember is that you're not going to be a famous basketball player. He said it's a skill that you either have or don't have.
Robin got back to her news and read some more about the guy who sees the Virgin Mary in his back yard. Howard said he can't imagine spending the day going to see the Virgin Mary in some guy's back yard. Robin said people were going to the bathroom in the woods behind his house. Howard said he can't imagine doing that. That led to Gilbert and Howard doing voices of people who might show up to something like that. Gilbert was doing a black voice so Robin asked why. Howard said that's because it's the only funny voice he does other than his own.
Robin tried to get through some more news but Gilbert and Howard were still goofing around about the Virgin Mary people. Gary told Howard he had a guy on the line who went to the Virgin Mary shrine. Howard picked up on that guy and asked why he went. He asked if he was there to pick up women. The guy said he went down because it was near his house. He said there were a lot of old people and religious yahoos there. He saw one crazy woman lay down in the street yelling. He said it was pretty wacky.
Robin got back to her news but Gilbert was still on the Virgin Mary thing. Howard told him to get it all out so they can move on. Gilbert wouldn't stop.
Robin read some more stories and had one about a tumor being removed from a colon. Fred threw in a fart sound that got Gilbert laughing. Robin said that was horrible.
Robin read about a guy who was convicted of killing his 6 day old son and then feeding it to his dog. Howard said he heard about that. Fred had some sound effects for that too.
Robin read about a woman who was protesting rape dressed as a vagina. Robin said she performed a 45 minute piece about this whole thing. Howard wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard had Mark Harris come in. Gary told Howard that Mark has a bunch of kids. Mark said he has a bunch of his own and he adopted one. Howard asked why he adopted his sister's kid. Mark said it was a long story. Howard said he had plenty of time.
Howard said Mark has gotten more gay since his wife, Martha Harris, died. Howard said that they sent him $500 worth of flowers and they were going to send pansies. Howard said they sent it with Howard Stern all over it and it ended up all over the news.
Howard asked who showed up to the funeral. Mark told Howard about some of the people who were there. He told Mark he went into that grieving widow mode and he was great. He said this must have been the moment he was waiting for. Mark said that's not true. He said he didn't do this just to get on shows. Howard kept calling him a widow but Mark tried correcting him saying he was a widower. Howard said he's a widow.
Howard said Mark was on Geraldo's show and he was crying. Mark said he was not. Robin said she saw him cry. Mark said he had feelings for Martha. Robin said of course he did but she thinks he pulled a few nose hairs for Geraldo.
Howard said they say Mark was nowhere around when Martha died. Mark said she was with her nurse. Mark said he was on the plane while she was ill. Howard said he thinks that she heard he had a gay boyfriend and she died. Mark said she knew about that before.
Howard said Mark was talking about why he wasn't home and with Martha while this was going on. Mark said he explained all of that. Howard asked if he got the money yet. Mark said he got the house. He said it will probate to him.
Howard said that Mark is described as a bi-sexual, flamboyant boyfriend in the National Enquirer. Mark said he doesn't think he's flamboyant. Jackie said they only use that word because there's no word stronger than that.
Howard asked Mark what happened when he came home after Martha died. He said he must have loved that whole thing. Mark said he didn't enjoy that. Howard said he bets that all of Martha's friends smell like moth balls.
Howard asked who has her Oscar. Mark said he has it. Howard said he bets he's sitting on it right now. Howard asked if he's going to sell it. Mark said he will never sell her Oscar. Howard said he bets he'll sell it within 6 months. Howard asked Mark if he got any money. Mark said he did not. He said a lot of her finances went to her legal fees. He said that the money will go to charities. Robin said that Mark was talking about that on Geraldo and he was saying he had no idea what Martha was worth until the papers came out after she died.
Howard asked Mark who came to the funeral. Mark rattled off some names of some old celebrities who were there. Howard said they must have come up to Mark. Mark said they didn't have to. Howard asked what he wore. Mark said he was in black suede. Howard said he must have been a vision. Jackie asked if this was a funeral or Halloween they were talking about.
Howard asked if he got into any cat fights with Martha's kids. Mark said he did not. Howard asked what he's going to do now. Mark has a boyfriend in Paris. Howard asked if he's going to go to him. Mark said he has nobody and he comes there to the show for therapy.
Howard asked Mark if he made love to Martha after her leg was removed. Mark said he made love to her shortly after he married her. Howard said he must not be gay if he can do that.
Howard said next time Mark is there he wants to ask Mark if he used grease when he made love to Martha. Mark said he didn't use anything. He said that she loved him and there was no problem there. Howard said that doesn't always mean it's going to work. He said sometimes it just doesn't work physically. Howard said when he's 75 he figures he's going to need grease.
Howard said Mark is moving to New York and he'll be working on a clothing line. Howard asked if any of Martha's money will go into that. Mark said no. He said that they have a $10 million facility for the clothing line. Howard asked if they know he's going to be working there. Mark said of course they do.
Howard asked Mark when he last made love to a man. Mark said it was the French guy. Howard asked how old he is. Mark said he's 23. He said he will be in for the New Year's Eve thing.
Howard spent a little more time with Mark talking to him about his play and things like that. Howard asked who the young boy is with him today. Mark said he's the son of his partner and he wanted to meet Howard.
Howard had the kid come in. Howard said his name was David. David came in and said hello to Howard. Howard asked if he's shook up from hanging around Mark. He said he's not. David is 24 years old. Howard thought he was like 15. David said he just recently met Mark and he's in business with his father as far as he knows. Howard spent a little more time with him and then wrapped up.
In the clip Howard was talking to Lisa Sliwa and said that Froggy has a new girlfriend. Lisa said that Froggy is going to think that she's used merchandise. Robin said that we're all human beings. Howard said Robin is used merchandise. Jackie said she's an antique.
Howard asked if Froggy's girlfriend had been to his lily pad. She said she had. Howard Froggy is there and he won dial-a-date with Patty who was in there. Howard said Patty told him that she was going to give him some. Patty said he hasn't been too pushy over it. Howard said she's a good looking girl. Howard asked Froggy if his friends told him that she's good looking. Froggy said that they did.
Howard said Patty is beautiful and he'd do it with her for sure. Robin said that they say that the new rule is to go out on 10 dates before having sex. She said it used to be 3. Lisa said she thought it was always on the first date with her.
Howard asked Patty if she's attracted to Blake, which is Froggy's real name. Patty said he has a good personality and it doesn't bother her that he's blind. Patty said she feels some affection for him.
Howard told Froggy to act like a man and do something. Lisa asked if he eats red meat. He said he does in small portions. She told him he should try more.
Howard gave Froggy some advice on how to do this. He had Fred play some music in the background as he was talking to her. Howard said he thinks she looks very beautiful today. He asked to feel her face and said he was sticking his fingers up her nostrils. He was doing this as Froggy so he was supposed to be blind. Howard asked if Patty was getting hot. Patty said yes. Howard said she was dry heaving.
Howard did his impression of Froggy's voice as he was doing that. Robin told Howard how he should really do it. She said that he has to grope for her lips too. Froggy said that is a problem.
Howard said he thinks that they have a success here. Howard wished them luck with their relationship. Howard asked if they could have some real romance there. Patty said that it's possible. Howard told Froggy to go for it when he gets out of there. He said he has to just take her home and get down. Froggy didn't know what to do so Howard and Robin gave him more advice on what to do. They told him to hold her hand, lean into each other and things like that. Howard said maybe he has to show up and show him what to do.
Howard wished Patty and Froggy luck and said in no time he'll be reading her breasts like a book. Robin said it was good to meet them in person finally. Howard said it's about time that Froggy gets a little aggressive. Howard said he had to end the show. He had to figure out what to play. He was thinking about playing a Who song since they sing ''See Me, feel me'' in it. They ended the segment a short time later.
This week's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:55am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.