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Howard started the show talking about how he was reading about a race car driver (Dan Wheldon) that was killed over the weekend. He said he never understands that racing stuff. He said the guy that died was a good looking guy. He said his car went out of control when the other cars got fucked up. Robin said he had to try and avoid the accident and his wheels touched something and his went out of control. Robin said he was trying to get out of the way. Howard said it was weird. He said he doesn't understand why people do it. Robin said people like to go fast. Howard said it seems very irresponsible in this day of no fuel. He said they should race from here to Florida instead.
Howard said he watched that horrible movie ''Fast and Furious'' that just came out on DVD. He said he was praying to see Green Lantern but he can't find it anywhere. He said he went on Netflix to find it and he didn't see it anywhere on there. He said he couldn't find it. He found it on iTunes but he didn't want to watch it on his computer. He said he wanted to go out and find it locally but didn't want to go searching around the whole city.
Howard said he's done with Netflix. He said he doesn't know how to work it and he's done with it now. He said that it should be easy to use. He said that's what Steve Jobs did with Apple. He made it all simple. Howard said he's still paying them $18 a month and it aggravates him. Robin said he can only watch iTunes on his iPad or computer. Howard said he just wants to watch Green Lantern.
Howard said he wanted to watch a movie because Beth was out at a play. He said he didn't go so he wanted to watch a show himself. He said football was on but he doesn't keep track of that. He said he was just sitting there so he would have watched that race if he had known someone would die. Howard said Ronnie told him that the track was too small for the speeds they go.
Ronnie came in and told Howard and Robin what was going on in that Indycar race where the guy died. He said the track isn't wide enough for those cars. He said he doesn't enjoy those crashes like that. Howard said he figured that was the excitement about those races. Ronnie said he doesn't like to see people get hurt. He said he's not just saying that. He said it was exciting to see the crash but when you see the guy fly up in the air the way he did isn't cool. He said the guys who stayed on the ground hit the wall and were fine. He said that when they hit the wall you don't die because they have special padding in there to keep you from dying. Ronnie said the guy who died hit the catch fence and it rips the car open like a can opener.
Ronnie said that they stopped the race after that. He said that's part of the deal though. They know they can die. Howard said he'll never understand it.
Ronnie said there are a lot of rich guys from that. Howard said now the guy is dead though. Ronine said that's his deal. Howard said Ronnie loves watching cars going around and round. He said he figured the crashes are what make it worth watching so you don't see them going round and round.
Howard said this Vin Diesel movie he watched was maddening too. He said he watched the whole thing even though it was the most vapid movie he's ever seen.
Howard said that he doesn't get the 5 lap memorial for the dead race car driver. He said that if he died of skin cancer people wouldn't stand outside in the sun for him.
Howard said Beavis and Butt-Head are the same as they were and it's great. He said that they wear the same t-shirts and everything. Robin said she used to watch that stuff all the time.
Howard said now they watch reality TV and movies instead of music videos. Howard said in one episode they're watching the vampire movies and they want to get chicks by turning into vampires. He told the story and said that they end up getting Hepatitis C and start changing so they think they're turning into vampires. Howard said it's so funny. Robin said she can't wait.
Howard said he read about an episode where they're watching COPS and they see some assholes in the back seat of the car and Beavis thinks they're cool. Howard said he's really glad they're back.
Howard said he thinks that the people who are doing this Occupy Wall Street are mostly hippies. He said he's sure there are some smart people behind it and they're pissed off for a good reason. He said that he gets what they're protesting.
Howard asked Jeff what's going on with him. Jeff has a tumor on his back that's not cancerous that he has to get removed. Howard said Jeff is gross. He said maybe he's part camel. He asked when he's going to surgery. Jeff said he'll be in there at 7:30. Howard asked if he loves the hospital. Jeff said he doesn't love it. Howard said he must love being treated like a baby. Jeff said he doesn't love it but then just said he does to make Howard feel good.
Howard asked if he has to buy his TV watching. Jeff said he thinks he has to pay for it. Howard asked how he's going to pay for it. Jeff said he thinks it's 8 bucks a day. Howard said Jeff should have that. Thanks to the U.S. government he has 8 bucks a day.
Howard asked if they know who he is in there. Jeff said he doesn't think so. Howard said they'd probably wheel him into the hall of they did.
Jeff said he'll call back tomorrow. Howard asked if they have washed his penis yet. Jeff said they haven't yet. Robin said he can wash his own penis. He said he'll be catheterized for this surgery. Howard said he hopes he never has to go through that. Howard said he can just imagine what the roommate in the room is thinking hearing Jeff talking. Howard said Jeff will probably be complaining and whining. Fred played a clip of Jeff coughing on the phone and Howard said that's what the guy in the room will have to hear. He said that's a nightmare for that guy.
Jeff said that it's been a pleasure as always. Howard let him go a short time later. He said he'd want to kill himself being stuck in the hospital room with Jeff. Howard said he's been to the hospital where people are stuck in the hallway. He said it's just awful. Howard said he just wants to go in his sleep and not get stuck in a hospital.
Howard said that he doesn't want to get stuck like that. He hopes that he doesn't and had to knock on some wood. He said that he didn't see any in there. Scott DePace told him there was some behind him. Howard said he could knock on his own wood, in his pants, if he had to.
Howard said the reason he got interested in this is because Alexis cut her off before the book came out. He said that they don't do the radio show anymore together. Howard said that's great. He said he loves stories like that. Howard said no one around there even cared. Howard said that Jennifer does the show by herself now and Alexis is gone. Howard said that she just stopped showing up. Jennifer said Alexis doesn't like her anymore but she's not sure what she did. She said she doesn't think she did anything. Jennifer said that Alexis isn't a girl's girl and she thinks that she's the kind of person she hates. Jennifer said that she's warm and Alexis doesn't do warm. She said that she's not cold but she's not interested in hugging and kissing and talking on the phone and stuff like that. Jennifer said that her husband told her that she's probably just annoying to Alexis because she breathes. She tells the kids that she loves them and that bothers Alexis.
Howard asked if she thinks she's phony. Jennifer said she probably does. Jennifer said that she thinks that it's kind of insincere but in that moment she actually means it.
Robin asked if Alexis told her that she was going to break up with her. Howard asked if it was around the time she lost weight. Jennifer said she doesn't think it had anything to do with her weight. She said that it may have been her personality change that did it. She said that she came out of her shell more when she lost weight and that might be what led to it. She doesn't think it was jealousy but she's just done with her.
Jennifer said that Alexis even says in the book that when she's done with someone she's just done. Jennifer said that they were doing their show together and she would barely speak to her on the show or off the air. Jennifer said it's kind of like family there at Sirius. Howard cut her off and said that he's suing his family. He didn't get that comment at all.
Jennifer told Howard that she was doing the show and she would say something and Alexis wouldn't respond. She said that she figured she could keep doing it. She said that Alexis would look at her but not say anything. Howard said it would have been great if she had just turned to her and said something to her on the show. Howard said she could have asked why that was. Jennifer said she thinks the audience felt the shift. Howard said he can't imagine they have anyone listening. Jennifer said they have 6-12 people listening. Howard said he doesn't think they have more than 1000 listening. Jennifer said that's pretty pathetic then.
Jennifer told Howard that her husband is great and he's been treating her great. Howard said she looks great now that she's lost weight. She said that she went through a lot and her husband would bang her when she was fat too. She said that they were doing it like twice a week. She said her boobs were bigger back then too. Howard asked if he put it in her ass. Jennifer said she's a Jew from Long Island so no.
Jennifer told Howard that she got a note from Alexis saying she wasn't going to do the show anymore. She said that the date was like 6-8 weeks away so she didn't say anything. She said that she didn't want to have it out on the air either. She said she has boundaries and she didn't know if they would be respected if she brought it out on the air. Gary told Howard that Alexis was writing stuff about Jennifer on her Facebook page too. Jennifer said that she said something about how her father was going to die soon and she based that on nothing. Jennifer said it doesn't even matter though. Robin said she's making Alexis sound crazy. Jennifer said she is not. Howard asked what she was writing. Jennifer said that Alexis was writing these things on her own Facebook page. She said she's not even sure why she would bring up her father.
Jennifer said that Alexis doesn't get why she doesn't cut anyone out of her life. She said that she still talks to her dad even though he's remarrying. She said that her mother is dead so what is she supposed to do? She said that she took some days off while her mom was sick and it was just six days that she had to take off. She said she didn't think it was excessive. She said that her dad has been good to them too so she's not going to say anything about him remarrying. Jennifer said maybe on some level Alexis was upset that she didn't fight for her to stay.
Howard gave Jennifer a plug for her book ''Whateverland: Learning to Live Here'' and asked if she and Alexis stopped talking during the writing of it. She said they did. She said they had to change the end of the book because of that. She said it was more during the editing that they stopped talking and had to change it. Howard said that's a bizarre relationship. Jennifer said they had a good relationship for 5 years or so. She said she's still doing her show there though. She said that she knows it's only 12 people as Howard said but she's enjoying it.
Howard said that's so bizarre. Robin asked if Alexis is going to do another show over there. Jennifer said she doesn't know. She said that they don't talk anymore. Howard asked if she met the baby she had. Jennifer said she did. She said Alexis had the baby with a surrogate. Howard asked how she can be warm and loving with a baby if she's not warm and loving. Jennifer said that she is warm and loving with the baby.
Howard said that he doesn't get how you can be warm and loving with a baby if you're not warm and loving with anything else.
Howard gave Jennifer another plug for her book and asked how anyone can take advice from someone who is like that. Howard gave her some plugs for her radio show that's on channel 110. You can find out more at JustJenny.com
Jennifer told Howard that she does a show there on his channel too. Howard had no idea she was doing ''What's Worth Watching'' with Jon Hein. Howard asked her some questions about that. Jennifer said that she loves The X-Factor and Jon loves shows like ''Breaking Bad'' and she doesn't get it. They discuss TV on What's Worth Watching.'' Howard and Jennifer talked about X-Factor and some of the people on that show.
Howard and Robin asked if they have to do promotion together for the book. Jennifer said she thinks there will be some of that. She said she doesn't want to cry though. She said the whole thing is bizarre. She said she's not even sure that her show will be on the Martha Stewart channel. She said Martha has been good to her all this time though so who knows. Jennifer said that she just wanted to do her show and fly under the radar. She said she loves her show and she loves her listeners. She said they've given her much more of a life than she had before.
Howard said he'd love to get Jennifer and Alexis on the show together. Howard asked how soon she can get her in there. Jennifer has no power. Howard asked Gary to get her in there.
Gary said that he wanted to get both of them on the show but Jennifer didn't want to do it because she was afraid that Alexis would bring up her family and that's off limits for her. Jennifer said that she doesn't know what Alexis would do with the stuff she told her off the air. She said she has secrets and she's not sure if she would take shots at her family or not. Howard said that would be so mean. Jennifer said Alexis hates her because she finds her annoying. Howard said she sounds cool to him. Howard said he'd like to hear them fight.
Gary said he hates Alexis and she's one of the most mean people that he's ever met. He said he used to go into their show studio and Alexis would give him her back. He said that he knows one of her relatives and he tried to break the ice with her once. He said that Alexis turned at him and said that she hates them. Gary said she's like an ice princess. Gary said she just doesn't like people. Howard said that must be what Jennifer was dealing with. He asked how she could take that. Jennifer said that Alexis would do nice things for her. She said that she was terrific through some of the stuff with her mom.
Howard said he didn't know Gary didn't like her. Gary said that he would go in to say hello to Jennifer and Alexis was just cunty. He said that she loves Howard though. Howard said he's America's Sweetheart. Howard said not everyone loves him though. He said he gets some reactions like that himself.
Howard said he loves when people fight. Jennifer said she doesn't like it. She said she likes to get along with people. Jennifer said that she tries not to say too much to Howard when she emails him. Howard said he wants to be left out of it all. He said he likes Jennifer and her father is a good dude. Howard said her brother is a good dude too.
Howard said that Jennifer's book comes out soon. He said he will write on his Facebook that he wants her father to live. Howard gave her some plugs for her book and radio shows. Howard said she's on weekday nights at 5 on channel 110. Jennifer asked if she could take a picture with Howard. Howard said that's fine as long as she doesn't post it on her Facebook. They wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
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Howard came back and Robin brought up that there are problems with the Gotti movie. Howard had predicted that it would never be made. Robin said she was reading about all of the people they got to agree to do the movie and some of the payments came due and the company couldn't come up with the payment. Howard said he's shocked since Stuttering John is such a big influence out in Hollywood. Howard said he heard from Barry Levinson about that. Howard said he had asked what he was doing. He said Barry thought it was legitimate for a while there.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her headlines. Howard said Sal and Richard went down to the rally on Wall Street and no one could tell them what they were there protesting.
Lisa said that a couple made a video having sex while skydiving. Lisa said they did it to get Howard's attention. Howard said he saw that they had done that and they got into some trouble. Howard said that it turns out they didn't break any laws though. Howard said they said they did it to get the attention of Howard Stern and it worked. He said he'd have them on the show too. He said he knows they were fucking in the plane and he's not sure if the guy's penis was in the woman the whole time. He said he watched the whole thing. Lisa said the guy's name is Alex Torres and the woman is Hope Powell. She was one of Ronnie's hot chick of the week recently.
JD came in and told Howard what happened. He said they were never arrested. He said that some high school kids got the video and the cops found out about it. The woman in the video was fired from her job over it. Howard said the thing that upset him was how hard the guy was squeezing her boobs. He said it was really hard at times. He said she would wince. Howard TV had the video up on the monitors so Howard explained what was going on. He said he doesn't know if the guy had his penis in her or not. He said the woman looked like the only thing holding her up was her tits.
Lisa said that Sam Simon has some regrets about bad mouthing Whitney Cummings on Twitter. Lisa said that Sam has said he will be more mindful about his Tweets now. Howard said that he thinks that they may have over promoted the show. He said Whitney is hot because she used to model and she is very funny. Robin said that just because she modeled at one point doesn't mean she's still hot. She said that Howard should say that he finds her hot if he thinks she's hot. Howard said she's a good looking woman and her looks haven't changed. He said she's yelling at him over whether or not Whitney is hot. Robin said he should just say they're hot if they're hot. Howard thanked her for the lesson. Howard said she's hot and for evidence he's saying she used to be a model.
Howard asked if this is the same yelling that Robin did about Brad Pitt not being a movie star. He told her not to go all Alexis Stewart on him. He said that he needs her right there.
Howard said that he made the mistake of reactivating his Twitter account. He said that he never Tweets anymore. He said he went out and did something very nice. He said he photographed the North Shore Animal League calendar for Beth. He said that he doesn't do a lot of nice stuff so he did this photo shoot. Howard said he did it because Beth said it would sell more calendars. Howard said he went out and shot the calendar and put a lot of work into it. He paid for the location and they had to have the animals shipped out there. He said that he was very happy with the calendar. Howard said they have a web site where you can pre-order it.
Howard said he posted that on Twitter and 90 percent of the people were great about it. Then there's the shit stains who call him a homo and a douche bag and say he's pussy whipped. Howard said he's trying to help an organization that helps animals. Howard said he got into an argument with someone about it. Howard said one guy was saying his wife was a D-list celebrity and he started to argue. He said Beth saw he was getting aggravated and told him to stop. He said that with his audience he can't do anything nice. He said he has to be a scumbag 24/7.
Howard said if you want the calendar you can find the link on HowardStern.com. He said he can't do promotion like that anymore. He said he doesn't need to do this stuff. He was trying to be nice. Howard said it's a very nice calendar. He said it's very wholesome.
Howard said taking the pictures was tough. He said it's not that easy to photograph animals. He said he did it over the summer and it takes time to do it. Howard said that Beth seems to resent him when he goes through the pictures. He said it's a lot of work. He said people were telling him to go do his radio show instead of tweeting out pictures. He said he has some of the shittiest fans. He said a lot of them are shit heads and idiots. Howard said some of the fans were nice about it and very thankful. He said he appreciates that.
Lisa said they were at Comic-Con over the weekend. She said that Gary was there making an appearance and some fans were asking if he took a personal day to be there. Howard said he saw a picture of this hot chick outside standing there naked. He said that she was pretty hot. Gary said there are some girls who aren't that cute who were there too. He said there were some who had bellies hanging out and things like that. He said he didn't see too many hot chicks there.
Howard said that Jason takes the subway into work and he got in late because they had to stop the subway because a naked dude was running around. Howard said they have to keep the guy in the train until the cop gets there. He heard the guy was covered in mud but JD said maybe it wasn't mud. Jason said that he wasn't actually in the train. He was watching from outside and saw the people looking at him for help. Jason said the guy was running around naked trying to get out of the train car. He said he looked like a slightly skinnier version of High Pitch Eric. Jason said the guy didn't touch anyone. He said he went with the cops quietly until they put him on the ground to cuff him. Then he started screaming.
Howard said that this is a common occurrence in New York. He said they rolled the guy up like they were rolling a joint. He said they carted him off like he was luggage. He said this happens so much they have equipment for it. Howard said when you go crazy you apparently want to be naked. Jason said he thinks the mud on him was actually mud. He didn't smell anything when he was near him so he thinks it was mud. Howard said Jason should have gotten naked and said that he was supporting the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Lisa G never knows any answers to questions. He said she only knows if it's about Howard. Howard said she may not have covered the story. He said that she's the anchor woman. The caller said he was sorry then.
Lisa said that Gary did make a mistake at Comic-Con about an actor who was there. Lisa said that Gary was calling one of the actresses hot a bunch of times too. Howard said he was probably saying that she was hot because she was a model. Howard asked if Gary had a boner with his mouth hanging open. Howard was referring to Gary getting a boner on stage one time at a show they were doing.
Lisa said that Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie the Pet Lady had some interesting phone calls with each other last week. Debbie wants a relationship and Ed just wants to have sex with her.
Howard picked up on Debbie and she started to scream immediately. She said that he wanted to call in at 6 this morning. Howard said it's not attractive to scream like this. She said Ed told her some personal stuff that she can't deal with. Howard said he has some advice for her. Get away from Ed because he won't commit to her. Debbie said she can't deal with it. She was screaming and freaking out about the whole thing. Howard said that they payed Ed to fuck her. Howard said they didn't pay Ed anything. Debbie was screaming at the top of her lungs that they paid Ed $60. Howard and Robin were trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about. Howard said that he has nothing to do with Ed. If anything Robin wants Ed for herself.
Debbie said she's been crying there all week. She said that Ed has been calling all week and she's shaking from it. She started crying and said that she likes Ed a lot. She said she's not sure why she's crying. She said that Ed sent her some money and she doesn't think he would do that if he didn't care about her. Howard asked if a John cares about a hooker because he gave her money. Howard said he'd pay her to shut up. Debbie said this wasn't a joke.
Howard said he's going to give her some advice but she won't like it. He told Debbie that it sounds to him that she needs to get away from Ed and calm down in her life. Debbie said she doesn't want Ed turning on her again and having his friends gang up on her again. Howard said Ed needs to find someone more calm and so does Debbie. Howard said she needs calm. Debbie said no one is ever going to want her. She said she'll take his advice though. Howard told her to calm down. She was still screaming at the end of the call.
Howard told Ed to leave her alone. Ed was on the phone and he was saying that they fuck him out of money all the time. Robin said they have nothing to do with this. Ed said that Howard is taking her side in this. Howard said he is not. He said he likes Ed too. Howard asked Ed if he's going to have sex and be in a meaningful relationship with her. Ed said that he proved that. Ed said he's making him lose money on this deal. He said he sent her $60. Howard said he's got to stay away unless he's going to marry her. Ed said someone needs to give him that money back because he got fucked. Howard said he has to work it out with Debbie or just leave Debbie alone.
Ed asked Howard if he knows what Alien Hand Syndrome is. Howard said no. Ed said that it's when your hand has a mind of its own. Howard said he has to go. Ed asked him not to go. He said that Alien Hand Syndrome sounds like some kind of excuse for rape.
Jon said that he wants to see how the new voice activated thing works. Howard said it can't possibly work. He said he's got some voice activated stuff he uses and it doesn't ever hear his voice. Howard said he has to yell at it. Howard said that Beth will hear him yelling at his phone and only hears him yelling and not the other side. He said that he's interested in the new phone but he's not going to get it yet. He said he likes the version he has.
Howard said that he's not sure how long Apple is going to leave the picture of Steve Jobs up on their site. Howard said he just wants to find the main page. Jon said he thinks they'll give it until the end of the week.
Howard and Jon talked about the phone a little more. Howard said he didn't know Jon was doing a show with Jennifer Koppelman. Howard said he didn't hear Robin's new show yet. He heard the pilot. Howard said he has to listen to some stuff there. Howard said he was catching up on some Howard TV stuff that he needed to approve. Howard said that Doug freaked out when he told him he needed to change some stuff. He said that he needed to get it up on Monday and he told him that they don't really need to do it that fast.
Howard said he had a guy on the phone that has the new iPhone and the Siri app that you talk to. Howard asked if he could tell it something and have it do it on the air. The guy wasn't sure if he could do that. Howard told him to try. The guy said it won't go into it while he's on the phone. The caller said that he told the app to send his brother an email saying ''go fuck yourself'' and it actually did it. He said the app will joke around with you if you tell it something ridiculous. Howard said he doesn't want jokes. He said he wants to ask it where he can find a place to buy a DVD. The caller said it will do that. He said it will search Google for you if it doesn't know the answer. Howard said he might need that.
Gary told Howard that Tim has the new iPhone but he doesn't know how to use the app. He said that he heard from Jennifer Hutt that her nephews have it and they'll say ''fuck you'' into it and it'll say ''You know you didn't mean to say that.''
Howard got Tim's phone and asked it where he can get a hand job in New York City. It gave him a ''Helping Hands'' link. Howard asked it where he can get masturbated in New York City. Siri tells him it's searching. Then it sends him to Google. Howard said that's pretty cool. Then Jon told him to ask about Green Lantern.
Howard asked Siri where he can get a copy of the Green Lantern DVD. The app didn't know what he asked. It gave him a link. Howard said Tim got a pop up telling him it was time to drink his juice. Howard asked why he has to be reminded of that. Tim said he drinks it every 2 hours.
Tim showed Howard an iPhone holder he had. Howard checked it out but didn't want to touch it. Howard then asked Siri where he can buy a DVD on the upper west side of Manhattan. It brought up a link. Howard said that's cool. He said he might need that. Howard asked Siri to go fuck itself. The app said it didn't get that. Howard said it again but didn't get a response.
Howard tried to write an email. Siri told him he had to unlock the phone first. Howard told Siri to send an email to Robin Quivers. Siri didn't listen. Howard had to hit the button again. He told it the subject was Brad Pitt is a movie star. Then it asked what he wanted the email to say. He gave it a paragraph of things to write and the app actually put it into an email. It showed Howard what it was supposed to say. It was a little off. Howard said it was pretty good though. Howard said now he's going to send one to Mel Karmazin... He said he wouldn't actually do that.
Howard asked Tim if he's detoxing again. Tim said he is. Howard said he'll gain the weight right back. Tim said he had some stress over the summer. Howard said the app it pretty cool. He said he might have to get it. Jon said that the app has to be pretty good if Apple puts it on their phone. Jon said that it is pretty cool that you can do that while you're driving.
Howard said Sal and Richard went down to the protest and asked some people why they were there. They didn't have answers. Howard played one interview that they did with a guy who had no idea why he was there. He was claiming that he was so tired he didn't have answers. The guy said they're all about getting out there and making umm... The guy had no idea why he was there.
Howard said he wasn't the only one who was confused. Howard said he had another one who was just as confused. Howard played that clip and the woman said that she's struggling. Sal and Richard asked the woman why she was there and she said she doesn't want to work for the man. She wants to make money herself and make as much as she needs when she needs it. The woman said that people have to slave in order to live. Howard said there's a lot of filthy, dirty hippies hanging around who have no idea what's going on in the world. Howard said Sal and Richard don't even have a clue what's going on down there.
Howard played another interview the boys did with a woman. She said that she wants to show awareness and explain why they're there. She said that they want people to think about it and change their opinion on the whole thing. She didn't explain what that thing was. They asked her what she would do to change things. She said she would make it so there is no sexism in the work place. Howard said she has no job and being an imbecile has nothing to do with it.
Howard said it was like Woodstock down there. He played a clip of Sal and Richard talking to people near where some drums were playing. They kept asking a guy why he was there and pretended that they couldn't hear him over the drums. Howard had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Matt Nathanson in the studio. Howard asked him how he remembers lyrics. Matt said that it's a pain in the ass. Howard said that Billy Joel has said that lyrics just stomp on his music and they're over rated. Matt said that Billy's stuff was good and it inspired him.
Matt said lyrics are hard. He said that if your brain gets too overly involved it can screw things up. Howard said the mics sound screwed up. He asked Scott if he could hear that. Scott did something and it didn't stop completely. Howard said he gives up. He said Scott wants to go bowling so maybe he should let him. He said the sound thing isn't working so maybe he needs to bowl a few frames.
Howard said maybe this is a way of getting back at him. Howard said he was still hearing the hiss. He said that Scott should be down at Occupy Wall Street since he doesn't know what's going on anyway. Howard did an impression of Scott and goofed on him for a minute.
Howard said he should introduce Matt. He said that it was Matt Nathanson and Aaron Tap. He said that he saw them covering Little Red Corvette on some web site. Matt said they thought it was a good cover but they got a beat down in the comments section. Howard said he didn't read the comments.
Matt said that they get really brutal in the comments. He said that they were psyched about doing the song and then the comments started. He said it just kept coming. He said it sucks. Matt said you need feedback but people are so angry. Howard asked if they could do a little bit of that. Matt said they could do it but Howard and Robin would have to start yelling at them about how bad it is.
Howard had the guys perform a little bit of ''Little Red Corvette.'' After the song Howard said it was wonderful. Robin liked it too. Howard came up with a negative comment and said that they made him wish that sound had never been invented.
Howard said their guitars were breaking up during the song. He asked Scott what was going on. Scott basically repeated what Howard said. Their guitars were breaking up. Howard said he gives up.
Howard asked Matt about how he got started and if his parents were okay with it. Matt said his parents sent him away to boarding school when he was in 5th grade. He said he's wondered why they would send him away to school that was only 15 minutes away from his house. He said that he wanted to come home and his parents would say that it could be worse. He said they apparently just wanted out at some point. He said he grew up in a house full of self absorbed people. He said that all of his brothers and sisters went away to school at the same time. He said his sister was actually close to college age.
Matt told Howard that when he was in school he wasn't able to jack off. He said getting laid was a fantasy land to him. He said he was a mess. Howard said he found this thing on the internet where this guy explains this mannequin head he invented and he talks about it like it's a real girl.
Howard said it's not too hard interviewing him with Scott changing all of the equipment. He said he thought they set it up this morning. Scott said they did set it up. Howard said this happens almost every time they have a guest. Scott said he can't diagnose it quickly so he's going to set up a microphone. Gary wondered why Scott was asking for a guitar cable early this morning. Howard said he needs Scott on his game. He said these guys are trying to sell some records.
Howard found out that Matt's wife is the first woman he had sex with. Howard asked if he's ever banged any other chick. Matt said they dated for 10 years so they broke up and got back together. He said that they both had other people during those break ups. Matt said that he had the opportunity to get laid but he got all righteous.
Howard asked how the guys got together and started doing their thing. Matt said that he was flying around between omasa cities building up a fan base. He said that he did this thing with Daryl Hall and he's lucky because he still shits money. He said he's making good money himself and if it was 10 years ago he wonders how much more he would have been making. Things have changed and it's hard to sell an album. He said people feel entitled to free music.
Matt said that getting played on radio is great but he has to tour to make money. Howard read that they've gone on tour with Train. Matt said they did and he knows that Howard is friends with Pat from Train.
Howard asked Matt about the song that was a big hit for them. He said that the song is ''Come On Get Higher.'' The guys went right into the song after that.
After the song Howard asked if he wrote that one while he was on hiatus from his wife. Matt said the song was about a woman. He didn't say it was about his wife. Howard asked if he has an open marriage. Matt said he does not.
Howard asked if Aaron works for him. Matt said he does. Howard asked if he has to ask for a raise and things. Aaron said he does but they work things out. Matt said that he gave him a raise and he wasn't happy with it. He said he agreed with the price he gave and he gave him the raise. Howard asked if Aaron is happy now. Aaron said he is.
Howard asked if Matt was signed to a label when he wrote that song. Matt said he actually left one company and made the song himself. He said he licensed it to the label he's on now. Matt said he has a complex deal going on with that. He said the new record, ''Modern Love,'' is on another label and it's doing well. Howard played ''Faster'' from that album. He said he's heard some of that song. Matt said that one was about Aaron.
Howard asked how he gets away with not writing about his wife. Matt said it takes a long time to figure out what's important. He said it took him a long time to figure out what was important. He said this song is more about his imagination. He said he's imagining a woman.
Howard asked about him dumping his wife. Matt said it wasn't a dumping. He said it can take quite a while to figure out how to be in a relationship. He said you have to live in a real situation and not something that's made up in your mind. He said when you're like 17 with somebody you have no idea who you are or what's going on. He said his wife was with him while he was trying to figure that out. Howard said she must have told him to go figure it out and come back when he did. Matt said that's kind of how it was. He said she's a bad ass. Matt said it took a while to get it. Matt said that he figured it out years ago and now he's got great energy.
Howard asked if he ever does 3 ways with his wife. Matt said he missed out on all of that. Howard gave him some plugs and said you can see him at the Wilturn in Los Angeles. You can find out more information at MattNathanson.com.
Howard asked Matt more about his parents and Matt said he thinks they were just people who weren't that into having kids. It was more like the thing they were supposed to do. Matt said that they just weren't into it. Matt said it wasn't super fun. Howard said it's funny that they sent him off to camp during the summer too. Matt said that they were kind of cool at times. He said he used to throw up in camp because he wanted to go home. He said they wouldn't fall for it though.
Matt said his mother was always supportive of his career but she never seems happy. He said it was a weird trip and it fucked him up for sure. Matt said that he was fat as a kid too. He said that he was fat and his name was Matt so it was rough. Howard said he's glad things worked out for them. He gave them some plugs and told his fans to go out and get their album. Howard said that he had people on the phones but now the phones have gone dead. He apologized to the boys. He said it just wasn't his day today. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was reading a lot about Steve Jobs and how they're pointing out that LSD opened up his mind. Howard said he dropped out of college. He said acid is shitty and it was the single worst thing that ever happened to him. He said he took the right dose a few times and it was okay but it messed with his brain. Howard said he's not sure your brain is meant to handle that. Robin said it's a crap shoot. Robin said any experience like that is a crap shoot. Howard said he hopes that kids don't go out and take acid trying to be like Steve Jobs. Howard said he took a lot of acid and look what happened to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jillian has breast cancer. He had the wrong Jillian. It was a Jillian from E! news. Howard said he's got to get that shit straight.
Captain Janks called in and said that he should be made to stand in a corner for fucking up things like that. Howard said that's never going to happen again. He said they're going to take extraordinary measures to make sure the sound is good. Howard said they had two guitars plugged in and they're going to bring in someone with more expertise to handle it now. Howard said he won't humiliate someone. Janks asked why not. Howard said he's too upset about it and he doesn't want to be cranked up about it.
Janks told Robin that her show was great. He said that Will was great too. Howard hung up on him as he was about to say something else.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the book Natalie Maines sent to him with the weird autograph. Howard said Natalie felt awful about it. Howard said he got two books and one said ''Without admiration'' and another one said ''with admiration.'' He said it turns out the author was joking around. Howard said he almost threw them in the garbage when he saw that. Howard said it turns out the guy is a fan and he was just trying to be funny. Howard said he felt like he was being attacked at the time and he blurted it out on the air. Howard said it was nasty if you didn't read the other book.
That caller said that Robin's show was great too and he can't wait to hear it. Howard said he doesn't like that she's branching out. He said he has to cancel her show.
Another caller said that he used to listen to Howard when he was on WRNW in the early 80s. He said that was the only station that came in where he was staying at the time. Howard said he doesn't think that he had any listeners there. He said he was so bad that no one could have listened to him. He said he's the perfect example of the guy who had to work super hard at getting good on radio. He said he had to work thousands of hours to get good.
Howard said he has to thank Bob Lefsetz for his latest article about him. He said Bob was praising him and saying how great the show is. Howard said Bob heard him going off on Scott the Engineer about his bowling thing the other day and how he gives things up for his radio show. Howard said that Bob wrote about that in this column of his. Howard said he's got pride in his show and every one he does, he cares about. He said that he's doing less now but he cares just the same.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he agrees with him about how hard it is to make money in the music business and he has to say that his guests really sucked and he can see why it's so hard for them to make money. He said they made Maroon 5 sound like the Beatles. The guy asked if his daughters are making him put them on the show. Howard said his kids don't listen to that kind of music. They're into the Beatles and stuff.
The caller said he bets that Fred agrees with him. Fred said he doesn't agree. He thought the guys did a really good job. Howard said that whenever you have a musician on they get calls like that. He said everyone isn't happy with the same music. Howard said it's softer rock and some guys think they're gay if you like that. He said you're not going to turn gay from liking a song like that.
Another caller said he saw Richard Simmons on Entertainment Tonight the other night and he looks deathly ill. Gary said he saw Richard on Wendy Williams. He said Richard is now wearing tights over his legs and they're kind of white instead of skin colored. He said that Richard had hair transplants and they're falling out so his head looks odd. He said he has a big hole in the center of his head. Howard said it appears to be a crater in there. He said he should address that. Richard said the bigger hair is accentuating the shorter hair. Gary didn't think he looked sickly. He said he's getting older now though. Howard guessed he was 70. Gary said he thinks he's 62 or 63. Robin said that can't be true. She said he's been around since they were kids.
Howard said Richard does look older. Gary said that Richard would be crushed if he heard that. Howard told him to get Richard in there to talk about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw some reports about Howard and Beth in Pittsburgh and Beth was saying that it's getting kind of annoying with the photography. Howard said he will ask Beth for permission first. He said he's not just jumping in and taking shots. The caller thanked Howard and Robin for all of the entertainment over the years.
Another caller said that he thought the cover of ''Little Red Corvette'' was great and he disagrees with that other caller.
Robin said she read that Richard Simmons was born in 1948. She said that Gary was right. They had to take another break after that.
Howard said that he can't stand Broadway plays. Gary asked if he would go see Book of Mormon. Howard said he'd like to see it but he knows he'd have to pee during the show. Howard said he might have to go. Gary said the star of the show is a huge fan of Howard's. Howard said maybe if he lets him use his private bathroom he'd go. Howard said he really doesn't want to go anywhere. He said that he's lucky he has a wife that doesn't want to go either. She went out last night though. She went to see a play with Steve Gutenberg in it.
Howard said that he wanted to see Green Lantern and Netflix didn't have it. He said he's done with it. Howard was looking for streaming for that movie. Gary said that the streaming for Netflix isn't that good anyway. He said that he should just get an Apple TV. Howard said he doesn't want to bring in a guy to set that stuff up. He said that he knows it'll end up costing him a ton of money. Jon Hein told him he should get it. Howard said Netflix blows. Howard said he doesn't want to get Apple TV and he doesn't want to go to plays.
Jon ran down some more stuff that they were going to talk about. He mentioned Tim's iPhone and how he had a reminder about when to drink his juice. Howard said you know you're fat if you have a reminder for when to eat. Jon wrapped up his show preview after that.
Howard said there was a hot black chick in a magazine he was reading and it turned out it was Eddie Murphy's daughter. Howard said she looks like Eddie but with a girl's face. He said that he's not sure if he could beat off to her. He said all he sees is Eddie's face. Howard said he's noticed that when they befriend celebrities they don't end up coming around after one time visiting. Howard said they must not like him. He said it can't be Beth they don't like. The Howard TV guys put up a shot of Eddie's daughter and Fred told them to draw a moustache on it. They did that and the guys laughed when they saw it. Howard said he wanted to put a Gumby head on her.
Robin read about radio host Bill Brown passing away. Robin asked Howard if he remembers him. Howard said he didn't really listen to that many guys. He talked about some of the guys he did listen to. Robin read some details about Bill Brown.
Robin read a story about cell phones and how they found e.coli on them from fecal matter on 1 in 6. Howard said that's so gross. Robin said that the fecal matter goes right on the phone. Robin said they took 390 samples and that's the results they got. Howard said researchers looked at Fred's phone and didn't need a microscope to find feces on his. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough. Robin said that Ryan wants a new cable network of his own. Howard said he doesn't want to see that Julianne Hough chick become more famous now that Ryan Seacrest is dating her. Robin said the network deal hasn't worked out yet. Howard said he's happy about that. He said he'll protest that if it'll help keep it off the air. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard said someone hacked into the Sesame Street web site and ran porn. He said that's like someone hacking into his site and running Sesame Street. He said he knows kids go on that site but it is kind of funny. Howard said they say that some guy has been accused of doing it but he'd denying he had anything to do with it. Howard read some details of the hack. Robin said they say they caught the guy who was hacking celebrity cell phones. Robin said that he was the one who allegedly hacked Scarlett Johansson's cell phone and got some naked pictures.
Robin read about how Zachary Quinto has come out as a gay man. Howard said he figured he was gay. Robin said that he says that he felt troubled when he read about a gay kid who had taken his own life so he came out. Howard said that's good for him. He said he was a fan of his and now he's an even bigger fan.
Robin read about how Robert Downey Jr. told an audience that they should forgive Mel Gibson for what he did. Robin said that Mel actually gave Robert the award. Howard said he loves Robert Downey Jr. and thinks he's great but he's out of line with that. Howard said ''Fuck Mel Gibson... he's a fucking asshole and he should be humiliated.'' Howard said the guy rants and raves and he goes off on the Jews and he may have used the N-word. He said he's full of viscousness and hate. Howard said he hopes they don't forgive him. He said there is no reason to forgive him. He said he doesn't spend 10 minutes thinking about Mel Gibson. Howard said the guy is a shithead, plain and simple. Howard said he loves some of his movies though. He said he's a great artist but he's a scumbag and he has some fucked up views. Howard said he doesn't think the guy has changed. He asked how he would change.
Howard said he's been seeing a shrink 4 days a week for a long time and he's still the fucked up asshole he's always been. Howard said he's not going to forgive Mel Gibson. Howard said that he thinks we've given him enough chances.
Robin read about a private memorial held for Steve Jobs. Robin read some details about who was there. Robin said it was technology and media moguls who were there.
Robin asked Howard if he knows who is playing in the World Series. Howard had no idea. Robin said it's the Texas Rangers vs. the St. Louis Cardinals. Howard said he doesn't know what gene he's missing that makes him not care about it. Howard said he'd watch if there was a New York team playing in it. He did another live commercial after that.
Robin read some details about Dan Wheldon dying over the weekend while racing in an Indycar race. Robin said he was airlifted to a hospital and he was declared dead there. Robin had some audio of him talking about his career. Howard said he was a young guy too.
Captain Janks called in and said that he thinks that Ronnie picked a transvestite for Hot Chick of the Week this week. Howard said Ronnie likes a girl who can crush a man's head like a coconut. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he's the guy who came up with the Hot Chick of the Week idea for Ronnie. He said that he wanted him to have something to do on that Twitter. Howard said he knows it's a big deal and it's become a big thing for him. Howard saw some pictures of the girl Janks was talking about and said she had a bad outfit on but she was a nice looking girl.
Robin had some audio of Herman Cain talking about his campaign and how he thinks that stupid people are ruining this country. Howard said he agrees with him on that. He said there are people on both sides who refuse to listen to what the other side has to say. He said there are people who just don't want the country to be successful just so they can vote the President out of office.
Robin read about a missing baby. Robin said that the mother says she was drinking when the 10 month old disappeared. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about whether or not she thinks that alcohol could have had something to do with it. She said no. The woman also said that she's afraid that she'll go to jail for this and she may never see her daughter again.
Robin read about Lady Gaga doing a concert for Bill Clinton. She joked about having her first Marilyn moment during her performance. Howard said that they have to stop teasing the guy. He said that they can't make sexual references while his wife and daughter are there.
Howard said David Letterman did an interview with Bill Clinton and they were great. Howard said Clinton left the White House with a surplus and he wasn't even bragging about it. Howard said the guy knows how to get this stuff done. He said that he is flawed because he likes blow jobs but get over it. Howard did his Clinton impression for a minute. Howard imagined his head exploding at that concert. Howard said he wrote Letterman a note about that interview because he was so moved. He said he's not sure if Dave got it though.
Robin read about the underwear bomber who lit his pants on fire trying to blow up an airplane in 2009. Robin said he's plead guilty to the charges so the trial is over.
Robin read about how Real Steel was number one at the box office this weekend. Howard said he wants to see that. Robin said it's doing very well. She said Footloose did $16.1 million in its opening weekend. Howard was happy about that. They ended the show around 10:25am.
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Gary said he knew a guy who used to pee on other guys in the shower. He said that he thought that was wrong of course. Gary said there was one guy on the wrestling team who wouldn't shower and they used to make fun of him. He said now they don't have a choice.
Jon mentioned some of the other stuff that they were going to talk about. They got back to the play discussion and spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Scott should be suspended without pay. Gary said he's not sure it's Scott's fault and he doesn't know that he did something wrong. Gary said he can't suspend a guy for something he can't prove was his fault.
another caller said he was going to suggest bringing someone else in. He said that they do live performances on that Coffee House channel and that guy does a great job. Gary said that that's the guy they're going to use. The caller said that it's always something with Scott.
The caller also suggested that maybe they should tape a studio tour for Howard TV so Gary wouldn't keep getting the tour requests. Gary said he's suggested it before and maybe now they'll listen.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that she really liked Matt on the show today. She said she's going to buy their album based on their ''Little Red Corvette'' cover.
Jon asked if some people look for the accidents in the races. Ronine said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't like to see people get hurt. Gary said he gets the feeling that when they walk out of a car unhurt it's manly but when they die it's just stupid. Ronnie said that the reason this guy didn't live is because he hit the catch fence. He said everyone who hit the wall was okay. He said this guy flew off the ground and hit that fence.
Gary asked what they did on ABC while they were showing while they waited. Ronnie said they showed the replay a few times and they knew that it was real bad.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he heard the guy was nearly decapitated but his last words were ''Lets fuck some whores!'' Gary said that he can't believe that they got pranked like that. They spent another minute talking about the race stuff and then went to break.
Jon said Gary said he hates Alexis more than life itself. Gary said that he has to deal with people there eat Sirius and most people are okay or maybe they don't say hello but Alexis went out of her way to be bitchy to him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she agrees with Gary about her. He said that she's a total mean girl. She also wanted to talk about Netflix. She said in this day and age we should be able to pick what we want to see. Gary said he didn't think that Netflix streaming was that great. Jon said he likes watching TV shows on Netflix but Gary showed him that there aren't that many great movies on there. Jon said they do need more movies. He said that Gary suggested Apple TV to Howard and he rejected that too.
Jon said that he thought that Jenny had been friends with Alexis for a long time but it was only 5 years. He said they must have had some kind of bond though. Gary said that Alexis only bonded with Howard when she was on their show. He said that she's smart enough not to not like Howard. Everyone else there was invisible.
Gary said it's easy to throw this on someone but it's easy to throw someone away when there's a stack of money waiting for you at home.
Benjy asked what was up with the comments about Jenny's dad. Gary said that he thinks it was right after she left the show. Gary said there may have been more to it than that. Alexis had announced she was leaving the show and Jenny talked about trying out some new people and Alexis felt that she was pushing her out early. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about a story he was reading about a D.A. who was suspended for being a Dominatrix. He said that they say that you can't have a second income and that's what they're using as the reason for firing her.
Howard said he wanted to stay up and watch Dancing with the Stars last night but he felt he had to get sleep for the show. He said that the show means more to him. He said he was out with his daughter at dinner last night. He said they were in a truck that was converted to a sukkah.
Howard said that Herman Cain is the lead in the republican nominees and he finds it interesting that there are two black guys who might be running. Howard said that it's the end of racism if that happens. He said it's going to be the Jews turn next. Howard said that Herman is getting a ton of money for his fund raising and people are really behind him. Howard said Martin Luther King would even think it was too much.
Howard said he was reading about Cain's fund raising and how well it was going. Robin said now is the time they're going to take a close look at him and find something wrong. Howard said that they were saying that they're going to rip him apart in the debates.
The caller said he found it was odd they didn't talk about it yesterday. Howard said he had a whole list of things that he wanted to talk about and he just didn't get to it. Howard said he's not avoiding talking about him at all. There is no conspiracy theory. Howard said Artie is funny and he didn't work there for 9 years because he wasn't. He said he did a bang up job on Letterman. Howard jokingly told Gary to erase this segment from the replays. He had to say that was a joke though.
Howard said he went on some web site this weekend and tried to find it on On Demand or something. It's not available on Netflix and it's not on a few other services. He said they delay it. Howard said they had it on iTunes.
Howard said he was getting annoyed with Netflix because he doesn't want to wait for it to show up. He said he's not going to wait for a movie to show up in the mail. Howard said he tried to find something on On Demand but there was nothing there. Gange tells him it was. Howard said Netflix makes you wait for the movie until November 11. He said that they're finished as far as he's concerned. Howard said he canceled the service yesterday. Howard said he bought the movie for $14 instead. He said now everyone tells him it's available on On Demand. Howard said he doesn't want to own the movie so he'll give it to someone. Howard said he gave Ralph the Fast And Furious 5. He said he didn't like it though.
Howard said there was too much unrealistic stuff going on in that movie. He said Vin Diesel beats up The Rock, or Dwayne Johnson, and it just wasn't real.
Howard said he was out about 2 weeks ago and this woman came up to him and told him that her husband used to teach him. Howard said it turns out that her husband was Mr. Roosh. He said that he mentioned him in an article a while back and the guy claims he remembers him. Howard said that he used to walk out of his class to smoke pot. He said that he would go out claim he was going to go out and protest. Howard said he remembered this guy in school who was always protesting. It was this guy and a girl who would go out and protest with a megaphone. They'd protest the Vietnam war and stuff. Howard said he thought about what it would be like if he could get that megaphone in his hands. He said he never got any pussy back then. He had to go out of town to get pussy. Howard said he had to go to the Bronx to get pussy. Howard said that he'd have to go out and pretend to be a drug dealer to get laid.
Howard said he's not sure what his dad thinks about these protests. He said that he started to zone out when his father started lecturing him about the protests.
Howard said he has Mike Judge coming in today. He said he saw the first episode of Beavis and Butt-Head's return and it's awesome.
The caller said he had a story about Lisa G and how she had her cunt lips hanging out the side of her bikini in a pool in 1978 or something like that. He said she has huge lips down there and that's why she doesn't have a man. Howard said that a lot of women are embarrassed by that but guys really don't care about that. He said it doesn't make a difference. He said it's all about the feeling. He said that's the best invention next to the iPhone. Howard said sometimes when he's getting laid he thinks about how wild it is. It makes you fell great to be alive. He said he'll put up with anything for pussy.
Howard said he's been with the most horrible human beings for pussy. Howard said Robin has seen him in heat. He said she's pointed out when he's with someone really annoying that doesn't make any sense when they're speaking. Howard said that Robin would get disgusted with him.
Howard said he had to replay the interviews Sal and Richard did with this one guy down at the protests. He played the clip and it was this guy who had no idea why he was down there protesting. He said he was tired after being awake for two days straight. He said he wanted their voices to be heard but didn't know for what.
Howard replayed another clip where a woman was talking about not working for a boss and making her own money. She suggested abolishing money all together to cure these problems. Howard said no one is going to do anything without money. Robin said that people used to do things without money. The woman said that it's fucked up to have to pay to live.
Howard said they'd have to exchange goods. He'd have to pay Fred in guitars. Fred said that sounds good. Howard said that one is his favorite. He said the other guy was pretty good too.
Howard said there was a guy who had a tent and all of the girls wanted him. Howard played that clip and he was talking to the guys about having sex down there. He had this little ''box fort'' that people want to stay in and he gets laid because of that. Howard told Benjy that's all it takes, a box fort. The guy said he only allows girls in the box fort. Howard asked how old the guy is, seven?
Howard played more of the clip and the guy was talking about how he gets high so he doesn't care about the stinky pussy. The guy said that there are a lot of hairy vaginas down there too. Richard asked how he gets through the hair. The guy said he'll part the Red Sea if he has to. Howard had to cut it off because he was getting grossed out.
Howard played another clip where a guy was telling Sal and Richard he wasn't even down there protesting. He said he was just trying to live a different life. The guy said he's a big fan of hard work and he hadn't slept in about 36 hours and hadn't showered in about 7 days. Richard asked if he worries about testicle smell. The guy said he wasn't too worried about that.
Howard had another clip of a guy who was saying that he doesn't work. He likes the barter system. Howard said that the guy was saying he works really hard but then he says he doesn't work. The guy said he's not looking for the dollar. He said people feed and help him. He said he's an artist and he works full time making banners and flags. Then he said he doesn't know what a job really is. The guy said people live like that. He said that money is only one form of exchange for labor. He said you can barter. Richard thanked him for his time and left. Howard said that's what the Amish do. He said they exchange goods and build people homes.
Howard said that Sal and Richard fucked with that guy with the drums too. He replayed that clip where they kept asking this guy the same questions saying they couldn't hear him over the drums playing in the background.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that David Arquette is sleeping with his dance partner. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised. He said he didn't see the show last night but he thinks he should be fucking that dance partner. The caller said he has his arm around her the whole time and he's the only one doing that. Howard said David seems way too into it. He said he really wants to win. He said he's a guy and it's a dance competition so he shouldn't want it that bad. He said he's acting like his life depends on it.
Gary said he watched the show last night and he saw David rehearsing with the chick. He said they were going to do the Tango and he was just about fucking her on the judges table. Howard said in Argentina they actually do fuck while dancing that dance.
Gary said that Courteney Cox and David's daughter were there in the audience. So was David's sister Rosanna. Howard said he doesn't get Courteney and why she's there. Gary said he called in last Wednesday after the show ended and wanted to tell everyone to vote for David. Howard said that's such a weird situation.
Gary said that Chaz Bono is a freak show on Dancing with the Stars. Gary said that you think about how she used to be this cute little girl. Now she's a fat dude who can't dance. Gary said she looks like Steve Wozniak. Howard said someone told him that they sat in the audience there and Chaz has tiny girl feet and it's very weird. Howard said it appears Chaz hasn't lost a pound yet either. Howard said that's just about impossible when you're dancing so much. Robin said it might have to do with the hormones she has to take. Howard said that the hormones can be dangerous and shorten your life. Howard said they just don't care though.
Howard said he knows people who have died and he thinks that it's the chemicals that they pump into you. He said that on the Today Show they had this reality show chick who has breast cancer. Howard said he's no doctor but he believes if you keep pumping that shit into yourself it can't be good for you.
Gary asked if he would rather live to 60 and be who you think you should be or live to 80 and be miserable. Robin said some people want to be who they think they should be.
Howard said there are some people who get shots put in their asshole. Robin said that can't be right. Howard said guys invented it so it wouldn't surprise him.
The caller asked if Howard would ever have Artie in for an interview. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he loves Artie and he thinks he did a great job on Letterman. Howard said they went through a very heavy year with Artie and he went through a life threatening situation. He said it got very heavy in there and he's not sure where Artie's head is at now. Howard said it appears he's doing great but he's sure Artie would admit that this place wasn't the most healthy place to be for him. Howard said he doesn't want to be responsible for triggering his pain or anything. He said he doesn't even understand or know what went down. He said he doesn't want to fuck it up. Howard said he's his biggest fan and supporter but it's not necessary to have him on and set him off. Howard said he doesn't want to be in it. Gary said he learned that Artie had to stop gambling. He didn't know what was part of the whole thing. Robin said that was one of his addictions.
Howard said Artie is trying to get better and he's not sure having him in there would help. Howard said he thinks it would be a good interview but he doesn't want to fuck things up for the guy. Howard said Artie is new to the whole rehab thing and getting better. He said he might need years of therapy before he sets foot in there.
Howard said he's been in therapy for 20 years or something like that and he's not sure if he's better. Gary said he thinks that he is. He said that he thinks he's gotten much better. Howard thanked him for that. Howard asked if Robin has gotten better. He said he has to check out Robin's wallet today too. He said that it's been two months since he said he had to see if she's gotten more organized. Robin told him to go ahead. Howard didn't think that would be too fun though.
Ronnie said that Richie didn't meet Rachel there at Howard TV. He met her in a bar or something. Howard said Pete wants them broken up because Richie is following in Ronnie's footsteps. Pete said that these are just his observations. He said that Rachel is going to wake up at some point. Ronnie said he has it all wrong. He said that Rachel was so in love with Richie that she hung in there through break ups. Howard said Pete is saying that Richie doesn't worship her enough. Pete said that's why it's going to end.
Richie called in and said that he just broke up with Rachel for Pete. He was joking of course. Richie said that he wants Pete to get off his dick and asked why he's thinking about him at 6:50 in the morning. Pete said he's thinking about Rachel and not Richie. He said that she's very flirty and he would like to go out with her. He said that he'd care about her personality more than Richie does. Howard said Pete is saying that he'd commit to her for the rest of her life. Pete said that's what he's saying and he'd think of her as his soul mate. Richie said that he can talk to her right now because she's naked right next to him. He said that his left hand will be on her boob while he talks to her.
Rachel got on the line and Pete said that Richie is turning her into a sex object. He said that other people see her talent and personality. He told her not to settle down with this loser. Ronnie said he's obsessed. Rachel told Pete that Richie is an amazing guy and he's very supportive of her. Pete said that he thinks he intimidates her. Ronnie said he has it so wrong.
Pete asked Rachel how she's attracted to that face. Rachel said Richie is gorgeous. Howard said Pete looks like Robert Downey Jr. He was joking and said he's never actually seen this guy. Pete said Richie is a con man and he's going to keep the con going for the rest of his life. Rachel said he's the most genuine person she's ever met in her life. Howard asked Rachel if it kind of turned her on that he wasn't interested in her for a while. Rachel said that Richie got his shit together for her and worked hard for her.
Howard asked Pete what he would do for her. Pete said that he would work really hard for her and he's not sure Richie will even have a job in a couple of years. Ronnie asked what Pete does for a living. Pete didn't say.
Rachel said that Richie is working really hard and he's going to do fine. Pete said that he's just trying to warn her. Pete said that he thinks that Richie is eventually going to start hitting her. Rachel said she wouldn't stay with him if he did that.
Ronnie asked Pete what he does for a living. Pete said he doesn't want to get into that. Richie got in a plug for Rachel playing at The Bitter End on November 2nd. Richie invited Pete down. Pete said now he's threatening him. He said that he knows he'd beat him up down there. Richie said that's not what it's about at all. He said he just wants him to do this to his face. Pete said that if he showed up he would beat him up. Richie said that he's not saying he'd hit him. He just thinks that he should say it to his face. Pete said this is what Richie has been doing to Rachel for years.
Howard asked if Rachel would go out on a date with Pete for one night to see if she really wants Richie. Richie said he'd be fine with that because he's sure she'd want to marry him the next morning at city hall. Howard said he admires that Pete is trying to save Rachel from a terrible guy but he assures him that he's not a terrible guy. Howard told Richie to get to work. Ronnie told Pete to get to work too. Fred said he thinks that Pete used to be a cab driver. Pete said he's unemployed right now. He said he has a lot of opportunities ahead of him. Ronnie said that he's listening to the Howard Stern show right now. Pete said that Ronnie can't compete with him. Ronnie said he's right about that. He said he sits home with his mommy so how can he compete. Ronnie said he has to get up at 3 in the morning to come to work. Pete said a man is not defined by his job. Ronnie said he didn't just glom on to Howard. He said he had two businesses before he even met Howard.
Ronnie said he's a must better person than Pete is. Pete said he's only defining a good person by his job. Ronnie asked if he gets unemployment or SSI. Pete said he has never taken SSI. Ronnie said he's paying for this loser. Howard said they don't like each other. Pete said that Ronnie is going to end up in hell some day. Ronnie said he'll see him there. Pete said ''fuck both of these guys...'' Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said everyone is on fire this morning. He said a whole fight broke out.
Howard said Pete must see Rachel on Howard TV and he has had similar thoughts about wanting a woman he can't have. He said Pete is probably saying to himself that if he worked there he'd be with Rachel. Howard said with a little luck he thinks that he could have that. Howard said that's what this whole protest is about. Pete needs a box fort. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that's one of the greatest songs ever. Howard sang along to it a little bit. Howard said that Gary told him that his son, Lucas, is into rap and he almost fainted when he heard T.I. was going to be up there. Howard said he told Gary he should have brought him in.
Howard played some of T.I.'s song that he did with Rihanna. Howard wondered if he got to bang her. He said he probably did. Gary came in and said that his son wanted to take the day off for this. He said he's been listening to Shade 45 lately and they really curse a lot on that channel.
Howard had Gary bring in Tip ''T.I.'' Harris. Howard asked if he made a lot of money for that song he did with Rihanna. T.I. said he did okay. He said that Rihanna is an extreme talent too. Howard asked if he banged her. T.I. said he was going to plead the fifth amendment.
Howard asked if he hit on her at all. T.I. said he's a respectful man. He said she's a very nice girl too. He said that he thinks that she and Chris Brown were together at the time. Howard asked if he would ever fuck another man's woman. T.I. said he doesn't do that if he has respect for a dude.
Howard said he read that T.I. saved a guy's life in prison. T.I. said that he was heading into town and this guy was going to commit suicide. He said he heard the report on the radio station he was listening to. He said he knew where it was at and it was on his way there. Howard asked if the guy was a big rap fan. T.I. said he was a black man if that's what he's asking. Howard asked what it was that he said to the guy to get him not to jump. T.I. said he told him that whatever it was that had him up there wasn't so serious and they could fix it. Howard asked if the guy knew who he was. T.I. said he did. He said he got him down and told him the same thing and that it wasn't that bad.
Howard asked if he was afraid at all. T.I. said he wasn't at all. Not at that. Howard said he also saved P. Diddy from getting into a fight at a strip club. T.I. said he's been through enough that he tries to draw from his own experiences that he can apply them to these things. Howard said that P. Diddy was upset about someone drinking a competing vodka at a party and he was going to fight him over it. T.I. said he heard about other pieces of the story than just the vodka. He said there was more than just the drinking of the rival vodka.
Howard said he had what he said to P. Diddy. Howard said he'd be called racist for saying this. Howard read it and he said that T.I. told him that he had ''too much money for that fucking shit nigga.'' He said a few other things to him to calm him down. T.I. said that was kind of twisted and sensationalized. He said that he has a lot of respect for Puff and he wasn't trying to disrespect him at all.
Howard said T.I. has to stay out of prison himself. He just got out on September 29th. Howard said he went to prison for guns. T.I. said he was in for someone trying to buy guns saying they were going to buy them from him. Howard said that T.I. feels safer with a gun on him. T.I. said he had an attempt made on his life and his friend died in his arms. He wanted to arm himself after that.
Howard said T.I. went to prison, gets out, then he's in a car with his wife driving around and he gets pulled over for making an illegal u-turn. He had some drugs in the car, allegedly, and he was on probation so he got sent back to prison. Howard asked if he freaked out. T.I. said that it did suck but he won't say he freaked out. He said he did recognize about the severity of the circumstances.
Howard said that 50 Cent was saying that his wife should have taken the responsibility for that so he didn't have to go to jail. T.I. said that he doesn't think that's the right thing to say since he wasn't there. He said he can only speak on how he handles himself. He said he minds his business. Howard asked if he was upset his wife didn't take the rap. T.I. said he put himself in that situation so he'll take the rap for it.
Howard asked T.I. about the kind of money he was making for appearances. He said he must be a millionaire. T.I. said he's doing fine. Howard said he could never make it through a day of prison. He said that he likes that he can handle things like that. Howard said he'd end up getting fucked in the ass the first day of prison. T.I. said that kind of thing only comes to people who invite it.
Howard said he'd shave his head if he went into prison. He wouldn't want to look like a woman. He said he heard that Tom Sizemore had to fight 11 times not to get fucked in the ass. Howard said that he told them about how he had to fight this guy and bit his nose to get some respect. Howard said they respected him for fighting. Howard said that the brothers in prison must want to play him while he's in there. T.I. said that didn't happen. He said no one was trying to fuck him in the ass. He said he can handle himself. He said he's a man first.
T.I. said there was a guy claiming that he was a rat but he's not a rat. T.I. said he had to fight the guy. He said they both had people on their sides. Howard asked if he had to promise the guys that he would support them once they got out of prison. T.I. said that he didn't have to do that. He said he's honest and he will tell you what the deal is.
Howard asked T.I. about how the whole fight thing works. He wanted to know if it's organized. T.I. said that it is. He said you tell the guy where it's going to be and show up. Howard said that's what he had to put up with in Roosevelt. Howard asked T.I. if there are weapons involved. T.I. said that he didn't have nay in his fight. Howard said guys can make guns out of soap. T.I. said he'd be a little worried about a gun being in prison. Howard said he'd shit his pants and worry about getting his ass kicked. He said he'd be fucked over.
Howard asked if you can decline a fight. T.I. said that you tell them that you have too many fights to get to that one. Howard asked if there's a place where they can fight that the guards don't know about. T.I. said his fight was in the bathroom. He said there were a bunch of guys standing around watching. Howard said it sounds wild to him. T.I. said he's making it sound so sensational. Howard said he wanted to understand what goes on. Howard asked if the guys stand around watching. T.I. said they do and he was the one who threw the first punch. He said he hit the guy between his jaw and his ear. Howard asked if he went down. T.I. said he didn't. He said the guy swung back and missed. Howard said he's so good he can dodge it. T.I. said that's just the way it happened, he's not that good. He said he missed the next shot too. Howard said if the guy ever hit him. T.I. said he did and he got hit in the face.
T.I. said that it's okay as long as it's not the eye, nose or mouth. He said he fought for about a minute or two. Howard said fights really don't last that long. He said they were done after that. T.I. said he didn't want to kill the guy or anything. He said you get respect after something like that. Howard said he's surprised that guys weren't asking for jobs after that.
Howard said T.I. got laid for the first time at 11 years old. T.I. said he was rather advanced. He said he had been turned down already at that age. Howard asked if there's anything better than pussy. T.I. said the only thing better than pussy is more pussy. Howard said he agrees.
Howard said that T.I. was accused of getting a hand job when his wife came to visit. T.I. said they did catch her hand where it wasn't supposed to be. Howard asked if she finished him off. He said that there was no hand job given. He said that it was just unauthorized contact. Howard asked if he beat off in prison. T.I. just said ''excuse me?'' Howard asked if he had a cell mate. T.I. said he had a cell mate and he thinks he was in for weed or something. Howard asked if he can beat off in prison. T.I. said you can and he did. Howard asked if you do it in the cell. T.I. said you go to the shower to do that. He said you have a curtain in the shower. Howard said he didn't know they could do that. He said the bathroom is kind of public so you have to do it in the shower.
Howard asked if it's disrespectful to beat off in the cell. T.I. said it is. He said that if you violate someone's privacy then it's disrespectful. Howard asked if he sees guys like him getting fucked in the ass. T.I. said there are guys who want it happening. He said that it's mostly movie bullshit. He said he's never been to a triple max prison so he's just basing that on his own experiences.
Howard asked T.I. if he ever pinches himself and is just amazed where he is. T.I. said that does happen. He said it goes from one extreme to the other. Howard asked if he's ever had a white woman. T.I. said he likes white women but he hasn't had any. He said that his preference is a beautiful black woman. Howard said that he's had a black woman. T.I. said he bets he has.
Howard said he must have done it all with women. T.I. said he's blessed and experienced. Howard said he has respect for him getting laid at 11 years old. He said that's just wild. T.I. said that he ended up having two kids by this girl he had sex with at 11. He said he stayed with her for a long time. T.I. said she was 13 when he was 11. He said they were together a long time after that. He said they had kids later on in life when he was 19 and she was 21. Howard said he has to support those kids and the new wife. T.I. said he's 31 and he has 6 kids. Robin asked how many baby mammas he has. He said he has his wife and two other women he has babies with. He said the kids all live with him.
Howard asked if he's going to be able to resist all of the pussy out there. T.I. said he's not thinking about that.
Howard gave T.I. a plug for his book ''Power & Beauty: A Love Story of Life on the Streets'' and talked to him about what that's about. Howard asked what kind of book he likes reading. T.I. said he likes Code and a book called Decoded by Jay-Z. Howard said he read that book and enjoyed it.
Howard asked T.I. what else he did while he was in prison. T.I. said he studied the stock market. Howard asked him to teach him about that.
Howard asked T.I. if he can believe that two black guys might be running for president. He said he thinks that's the end of racism. Howard said he thinks that Martin Luther King Jr. would be surprised if he saw that. T.I. said that he would be surprised but it doesn't end racism. He said that Obama gets a lot of resistance from other politicians and he thinks that a lot of that is racism. He said he's not sure about this Herman Cain because he doesn't know what his positions are on a lot of things.
T.I. told Howard maybe he should run. He wondered what happened to Trump. Howard said Trump doesn't really want that.
Howard gave T.I. some more plugs and said that he'll be signing books at The Human Book Store in Harlem tonight. Howard said he'll be in Georgia and Santa Monica soon too. Howard asked where he lives. T.I. said he lives in Atlanta. He said he loves L.A. and Miami but Atlanta is his home.
Howard asked T.I. about the movie he did. T.I. said that movie did like 30 million the first weekend. Howard said he hasn't seen that one yet. Howard said he hopes that he can stay out of prison. T.I. said that's the plan. Howard told him not to break any laws. He said he can't have any ecstasy in the car.
Howard said he saw that T.I. has a white body guard. T.I. said that the black bodyguard didn't work out too well for him. He said he really doesn't see color though. Howard said he's glad he's out of prison. He asked how ecstasy is. T.I. said it's been a long time since he did it. He said he hasn't even smoked pot since 2007. Howard said he'd like to hook him up with Robin. Even T.I. knew that she'd have nothing to do with him. Robin said that he is beautiful. T.I. said she didn't have to say that. Howard said Robin is looking for a good man that can respect her.
Howard asked T.I. if his brothers and sisters are jealous of him. He said he hopes not. He said they only hit him up for money when they really need it. He said he's his mother's only child and his brothers and sisters are his father's kids with other women. He said his younger brother is a good guy and he really cares for him. He said that he doesn't have any ulterior motives or hidden agendas. He said he raised him right. Howard asked if his dad is still alive. T.I. said his pop isn't around anymore.
Howard gave him some more plugs for his appearances and T.I. said that you have to come out and actually buy a book. Robin mentioned a Chris Rock joke about how if you want to hide your money from a black man then you hide it in a book. T.I. got a laugh out of that. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he likes that T.I. He said that he had some interesting prison stories. Howard said he likes hearing those stories. Robin said maybe he should go. Howard said he wouldn't survive a day in there. Howard said he won't even J-walk.
Howard said he loves this man Mike Judge. He said he changed the world with Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said he never thought he'd see the day they'd bring that show back. Howard said he hasn't seen Mike in a long time. He said he looks like he's lost weight. Howard said they described him in an article as being a hunk. Mike said he's been surfing and that's what changed things for him. He said that he was over worked the last time he was on the show. He said now he's surfing and still over worked.
Howard said that he saw the first episode of Beavis and Butt-Head and he was worried it wouldn't live up to the old ones. He said he got the one where they were watching the Twilight film and thought that all hot chicks like vampires so they go out and get bitten by a homeless guy that gives them Hep C.
Howard said he read about another episode where they see guys in the back of a cop car on COPS and think that they're cool. Howard said he read about how MTV bought the characters from Mike and they didn't give him a lot of money. Mike said he was able to negotiate about 50 percent of it back. He said it's about a 50/50 thing now.
Howard said Mike must have gone back to them asking for 50 percent back. Mike said they wanted another movie and that's where the negotiating started. He said they could have done something with the characters if they wanted to but he could also come on and tell people not to watch it so they didn't do that.
Howard said that the Beavis and Butt-Head story is interesting. He didn't want to do animation for a living. mike said that he wanted to try it out. Howard said the reason we don't see the front of Beavis' head is because he can't draw. Mike said he has shown it a couple of times but only when he wants him to look freaky.
Howard asked Mike about the way he draws his characters and Mike said he always liked Pigpen on the Charlie Brown specials because they had that animated filth around him. He said he tried to do that with Butt-Head's hair. Howard asked where they draw this stuff. Mike said it's here and in Korea. He said that they do some here and then in Korea they do the in-betweens. He said he's actually gone to Korea to meet the people who draw them. He said it's not really a sweat shop or anything. He said they do make very efficient use of space though.
Howard said they must not know the characters. Mike said not back then. He said they might know who they are now. Mike said he hopes they're not listening over there. He said that they do ask for a certain type of quality. He said he doesn't need to go over there like he used to. He said that in Seoul it's like you're in an animated cartoon. He said that the buildings are cool to look at. Mike said he asked why they do so much animation over there. He said they told him that they teach them point perspective and things like that and he was told if you can't do anything else then you can do animation. They teach people art as a practical use.
Howard asked Mike about being a kid and going to study engineering. Mike said he studied physics at UC San Diego. He said he's really good at standardized tests like math. Howard asked what his dad did. He said he was an archeologist. Howard said in his spare time he made little cartoons for his own amusement. He asked how they ended up getting made and on the desk of someone at MTV. Mike said he animated everything himself and did the voices and music. He said he wanted to get into comedy some way. He said he would go to animation events and he figured he could do it. Mike said he had these VHS tapes and he called information from Dallas and asked for MTV. He said he tried to find a producer's name and he'd just mail out tapes. Howard said he did that with his tapes for radio. Mike said it works. Howard said he got responses too.
Mike said that he got responses in weeks and he wondered why he wasted his time in college. He said he should have done that at 15. Mike said he wanted to do sketch comedy as a younger guy. He said he never told his parents he was doing this either. Once he was out of the house he just did what he wanted. Mike said he sent his father the ''Office Space'' cartoon that later became the movie he did. He said that clip made it on comedy Central and eventually on Saturday Night Live. His dad thought they were really good. He said he was a musician by then so he was already a failure.
Mike said he played upright bass and played with Doyle Branhall. He said he was doing it just so he didn't have to be in a cubicle. Howard said it's weird that he studied physics. Mike said he was always good at those tests and it was the easiest class to pass for him.
Howard asked Mike if he really based his voices on Mick Jagger and Keith. Mike said he drew the characters and then tried out some voices. He said he watched it back then and thought about how it might not have clicked if he didn't do it just the way he did. Mike said that the voice and the drawing have to pop and he's seen it go wrong so many times. Mike said South Park is good because the voices work. He said sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Howard said he thinks that Beavis and Butt-Head really opened the door for a lot of stuff. Mike said he thinks it did. Howard asked if he knows the guys from South Park and the guy from Family Guy. Mike said he knows them and he was working on the same floor as Seth MacFarlane did. He said that he was a sweet guy back then and he's known him since the start.
Howard said Mike owned the ''King of the Hill'' cartoon so he must have made a great deal with that. Howard said he didn't make anything with MTV. Mike said he sold MTV those characters for like 20 grand. He said that their lawyer did a deal that had so many holes in it. He said it was really screwed up. He said that they did a deal with Dan Cortez that violated labor laws.
Howard asked how he got the cartoon to the execs over there at MTV. Mike said they had a show called Liquid Television and he got four of his animated shows on there. He said that he thinks he made them for about 800 bucks. He said that he put up his own money for that. He said he was already in profit once he sold them. He said that Comedy Central paid him like 4 or 5 grand for the Office Space cartoon.
Mike said that he sent a letter to this guy at Liquid TV who kind of rejected him. He said he did call him and tell him they weren't going to use it. Then someone found it in a festival. He said he wishes he could remember the guy who turned it down. Howard said it was a pretty wild thing because they were hitting frogs with baseball bats.
Mike said the tape got around virally. He said people were copying it. Then it ran on Liquid TV and it took off from there. Howard said that they're bringing them back now and Mike has had some success since then. He did the King of the Hill thing and that was successful but Beavis and Butt-Head must be his favorite. Mike said it is and he has thought about not bringing it back. He said he has them watching MTV shows now and it just clicked so it worked out.
Howard said that the kids on the reality shows must be freaking out now that Beavis and Butt-Head are going to be busting on them. Mike said they did get some odd notes from the Jersey Shore people. He said they didn't want them goofing on Paulie D or calling The Situation a cock blocker.
Howard said MTV really must have wanted the show back. He said they must have given him a fair deal. He asked if he's a 50 percent owner in them now. Mike said that's what his lawyer told him. He said that he's in on the merchandising and he's getting real checks for that now. Howard said it drives him crazy that he didn't get paid on that stuff from the start. Mike said he's read that at one point they had made like $100 million. Mike said King of the Hill did a billion in ad sales. He said that he'd bet that Beavis and Butt-Head did that too.
Howard said he doesn't know how you sleep through something like that. He said he thinks that's why he walked away from Beavis and Butt-Head. Mike said that they were making them way too fast too. He said there was no schedule and it was kind of a mess. He said they wanted them to do like 70 a year and that's just crazy in animation. Mike said he was burnt out. Now it's running smoothly and it's really fun to do. Howard said he loved what he saw. Mike said he heard that.
Howard said Richard Christy was willing to do anything to meet Mike. He said that they told him to calm down because Mike doesn't give a shit about him. Then Mike came in and said he's a huge fan of Richard's. Mike said he loves Richard's dad. He did an impression of his dad that was spot on. He said he likes some of his phone calls and the Jack and Rod Show bits they do. Howard said Richard may cry because of this.
Richard came in and said he thought Richard was heavy. Richard said he's been running a lot so he's lost weight. Richard said he's almost crying back in his office. He said he cried when Cotton Hill died on King of the Hill. Richard said that the fact that he did his voice is making him freak out. Richard's voice was quivering and it sounded like he was crying. Richard said his dad was a big fan of King of the Hill. He said he used to call his dad and he'd talk to him about King of the Hill years ago. He said that they'd tell him about what that week's episode was about. Richard said that everything Mike has done is a big part of his life. Mike said that he knows what happens to the guys who cry on the show so he's laughing at him.
Mike asked what his dad's name is. He said he just knows him as ''Richard it's your dad...'' Richard said his dad's name is Tom and he must be freaking out listening to this right now. Mike did some more of his dad's voice and the character from King of the Hill. Howard said this might be more gay than High Pitch Mike meeting Lady Gaga.
Mike said he and Luke Wilson talk about the Jack and Rod Show bits. He said they like the stuff where Richard is talking over himself. Howard said he'd play some of that for Mike right now. Richard said maybe Mike will cry right now after hearing this. He said he can't play them right now since Mike is there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was going on and on giving Howard a headache. He hung up on her before she could even get her thoughts out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved King of the Hill and asked how he came up with some of the jokes about the south. Mike said he lived in Texas for a long time. He said that they tried not to make the jokes too inside.
Howard said Richard was staring at Mike. Richard said he's been a huge part of his life. He said that he did meat judging when he was a kid and they covered that in King of the Hill. Howard asked if he burned out on that too. Mike said that FOX canceled it. He said they kind of canceled it twice. He said that they were making money with it though. He said he's not sure why that was. He said he was ready to move on though so he was fine with that.
Howard asked Mike if he did well with that show. Mike said he did very well. He said he has a spread in Texas and one in Malibu. He said he can run right out of his house and surf. Howard asked if he has a lot of chicks. Mike laughed. Howard asked if he got divorced. Mike said he did. He said he thinks she deserves every bit of half of his stuff. Howard asked if he had to give her like a hundred million. Mike said it was about half of that.
Mike said he's very cheap and he always lives below what he makes. Howard said he's the same way. Howard asked if he's getting tons of pussy now. Mike said he does alright. Richard asked if the girls ask him to do the voices in bed. Mike said he doesn't really get any fans. He said that he doesn't get celebrities either.
Mike said that if someone meets him and he tells them that he's a cartoon voice it's kind of lame. Mike said that he will tell people that he created Beavis and Butt-Head they don't believe it. He said he's better off saying he's a doctor or something.
Howard asked if he got divorced because he wanted to go out and experience more women. Mike said that he just turned 49 yesterday and everyone seems to get divorced around that age. He said that we weren't meant to be together forever. He said that he lasted a long time in that marriage. Howard asked how soon after he broke up did he get laid. Mike said that he figured that all of these girls would start coming around. He said the minute you get divorced the women wonder why you're single and they stop flirting. Howard asked if he's with a chick now. Mike said he's just dating. Howard asked if he's orgied yet. Mike said he's done everything. Howard asked if the chicks come back to his place in Malibu and freak out. He said that he has a smaller place in Santa Monica. He said that Malibu is so far. He said that he doesn't drink and drive so he doesn't go back there. Howard said that might help if he goes there. Mike said that's his screener home. He can tell if they're gold diggers if he brings them there.
Howard asked Mike about being friends with Johnny Knoxville and what he thinks about the crazy stuff he does. Mike said the guy is really funny and there are guys who can't pull off what he's pulled off. He said the guy is a genius and he knows that he has to do that stuff. He said he works hard.
Howard asked if Johnny is his best friend. Mike said he doesn't have that many friends out there. Mike said that he was at the Kimmel party and he did say hello to Howard. Howard didn't remember. He said he should have told him who he was or just do the voices. He said he was with Daniel Kellison and he introduced him. Howard didn't remember it at all. Howard told him to just do the voices. Fred played some Beavis and Butt-Head. He said he actually asked to go to that party. It was the first time he asked to go to a Hollywood party. He said it was all celebrities that he wanted to run into too so it was great.
Howard said that Jimmy produces the party and puts thought into it. He said that he suggested some people and Jimmy wasn't sure it would work. He said he didn't fuck with the mix. mike said that Howard and Beth were great doing karaoke.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Howard must really love the episode he saw. He said he gave so many details that it kind of ruined it for him. He said he wanted to see it but Howard gave it all away. Howard said it was a great episode. Ralph said Mike should do the animation because he loved when they were so rough. Mike said they still look the same crappy way but they're in HD now. Ralph said he can't wait for this. He said it should be fun.
Richard asked if he could ask Mike a question. Howard said he was going to ask how big and thick his cock is. Richard asked Mike if the band Winger was mad at them for making fun of them. Mike said back then he'd hear from people at MTV to take it off the t-shirt. He said that Kip Winger got in touch with them recently and he was a good sport about the whole thing. He said Winger is still on Stewart's t-shirt. Howard said now no one even knows who they are so they're begging to be on that t-shirt.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's photo work for the North Shore is great and he's going to frame some of the shots when he gets it. He said he can see he did amazing work.
The caller said he's surprised that Mike is doing the voices for the characters. He said he knows it's very trying. Mike said that he has to drink a lot of fluids while he does the voices. He said Beavis is rough but half the fun is doing the voices. He said that it could work for a little bit but he's almost never gotten a script that's been perfect so he makes a lot of it up as he goes. Mike said he can get hoarse if he does a lot. He said that he has allergies and stuff so that doesn't help. He said that he can blow it out if he does too much Beavis. He did some of the voice for Howard. Howard told Mike that he should have a lot of compression on his voice in his headphones so he doesn't have to try hard when he's recording. He said that he'd be hoarse after an hour if he didn't have that on his headphones. Mike said that sounds like an interesting idea. He never thought about that.
The caller asked if Richard was still standing there. Howard said he was. The caller asked if he was going to get naked for Mike. Richard said that he'd get naked for him if he wanted.
Howard asked Mike what kind of ratings they got with Beavis and Butt-Head. Mike said the first night it aired they called and told him that they got a 1 rating. They usually got a .5. He said it went up to a 2 or 1.8 by the end of the week. He said it was the highest rated show on MTV at the time. Howard said a 1 or 2 was crazy back then for a cable show. Mike said they get an 8 or 9 with Jersey Shore now. Howard said he can't wait to see this. He asked how many they have. He said they have 12 half hour shows and they'll start airing on October 27th on MTV.
Howard asked Mike if he wanted to go out with Robin. Robin told Howard to stop it. Mike heard Fred play Robin's ''i need a cock!'' and thought Robin was actually saying that because she was laughing at the same time. Fred played a few others like ''four inches is fine!'' Mike said Robin has gotten better looking too. He said they both had a rough spot in their lives. Howard said that Mike is a swinging bachelor and a surfer. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and talked about how into Dancing with the Stars David Arquette is. He said he has to talk to him about it. He said that he's coming off wanting it too much. He had a clip of Pee Wee Herman begging people to vote for David. Howard wondered how he got Pee Wee to do that. Gary said Pee Wee had to do that whole thing of getting made up and dressed in his outfit. Howard said Chynna Philips looked like she was going to have a melt down over getting booted off. He's not sure why they would put themselves through it. Howard said he told David to go on the show but you can't look like you want it too badly. It can backfire on you and make you look bad.
Howard said Harry Belafonte was on one of these studio tours and he fell asleep while waiting to go on another show and he was asleep when they went to him. Howard played a clip of this morning show kicking it to him and seeing that he was asleep. The host was telling him to wake up but he was out. She said he must be meditating.
Howard asked what was up with that girl's voice. He said she must be super hot to have that voice and be on TV. Howard said that Harry must be really relaxed to fall asleep on TV. Howard said he falls asleep after every meal himself so he knows how easy it can be. Howard said someone should have started working his head. Howard said this girl was all hoarse and Harry is too so it must have been some interview.
Howard said that the publicist must have gotten fired over that. He said that the publicist should have made sure he was awake. Howard said he'd be pissed if that happened to him. Robin said they set up these tours so Harry can look good and there he is sleeping through the entire interview.
Howard said he mentioned yesterday that Robert Downey Jr. got an award and it was presented to him by Mel Gibson. Downey said it was time for Hollywood to forgive him for what he's done lately. Howard said Downey didn't take things out on ethnic groups or women that he knows of. He said that's what Mel Gibson did. Howard said he had his speech so he played that clip. Downey was asking the crowd to give Mel a break and let him continue on. Howard said he has the gift of gab. He said he really is like Iron Man.
Howard said he's not going to forgive him. Robin said she's not either but maybe if he makes a great movie. Howard said maybe if he came in there and got a chocolate bandit mask from Sal and Richard he'd forgive him.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard ended up talking about the new iPhone iOS 5 and how much Jon loves that. Robin said she just got it yesterday. She said she had to jump through some hoops to get it done. Jon said that Tim is in love with his. Howard said Tim is a nut with his phones. He has to have the newest stuff immediately. He said that Tim will get the phone and drop the old one. Gary said that he upgraded his system yesterday. He asked Tim how the whole cloud thing works and Tim didn't know how to get it to work on his phone.
Tim said that he lost his phone on Monday so he had to get the new one. He said he loves it and it's amazing. Tim said that everything stores to the cloud and it replicates on his iPad and his computer. He said it's all working for him.
Howard said Tim lost his iPhone the day the new phone came out. Tim said he left it in a cab. Howard said someone said to him that they pay him too much because he has a lot of these gadgets. Tim said he uses them constantly so he goes through a lot. He said he has to listen on one phone and talk on another. Howard told Tim to get his phone so he can ask that Siri app some questions.
Robin said that people are Tweeting out the answers that Siri gives them. Howard said he thinks that Tim has 3 phones right now. He said he has one for phone calls, one for listening to the show and one for email. Tim said he only has two. Howard didn't believe it.
Howard got Tim's phone and asked Siri who has the tightest pussy. Siri said she didn't know but she'd search the internet. Howard waited but she didn't find anything. Then it came up with a web search. Howard read the answer and said it was Annette Schwartz. Tim's dad was calling the phone so Howard was about to pick up but decided against it.
Gary said if you way you want to kill yourself it'll give you the name of a shrink. Howard tried it and Siri said she was having trouble connecting to the network.
Tim tried asking the phone ''Who is the King of All Media?'' It had to do a Google search. Howard told Tim to ask it who is worse, the Jews or blacks. Siri had to do a web search. Howard said Tim doesn't know how to work it. He asked for it back. Howard asked who wins in a fight, Superman or Batman. Siri tried a web search. Howard asked it ''Who killed Nicole Simpson?'' Siri couldn't find anything in the address book. Howard said he wasn't impressed with that thing. He asked if we'll ever see a Jewish president. Siri was looking for names in the address book. Howard then asked ''When will there be a Jewish President?'' Siri didn't know. Howard asked Siri ''When will they take Steve Jobs off the Apple home page?'' Siri searched the web and didn't find anything. Howard asked ''If Steve Jobs was alive, do you think he'd want to fuck you?'' She said she didn't know.
Howard got Ralph back on the phone and Robin asked if he got the new iPhone. Ralph said it's too much like the 4 that he already has. Ralph said the best thing to do is just let the phone update while you sleep. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show after that. Then they went to break.
Robin started her news with a story about a German guy who was sailing around the world but he's gone missing. Robin said they think he could have been the victim of cannibalism. Robin said they don't have any evidence of that but he got off his boat, took a walk and never came back. Robin said that the girlfriend got off the boat trying to find him and ended up getting sexually assaulted. Robin said they looked for him but found his remains in a camp fire. Howard said that's why he's not an adventurer.
Howard said Norm MacDonald is coming on the show soon and he read that he was kicked off another show. Howard said he was accused of being high or drunk and kicked him out. Howard said he'd welcome that on his show. That sounds funny to him. He said JD found the clip for him. Howard played the clip and Norm was talking about why his eyes were red. He said that he thought it was from chlorine from a pool. The host was giving him a hard time for not talking loud enough. Howard said Norm may have been a little high but it wasn't that obvious. He played some more and said that he actually sounded fine. Howard let the clip play and Norm did sound sleepy. Norm said he hadn't slept in like 3 days. He wondered if he sounded sleepy. Norm and the host talked more about his red eyes and Norm said he might be getting sick.
Howard said the host was Ron Owen on KGO. Howard said that the host eventually kicks Norm off the show. Howard played more of the clip and Norm is very tired sounding. Ron asked him if he was ripped at all. Norm said he wasn't at all. Norm said he's not enjoying life. He said he might be on Nyquil. Ron said that's like taking drugs. Howard said the host is awful. Howard said Ron must be uptight about his last name since it's actually Lowenstein. Howard played more of the audio and Ron asks Norm how he got the Saturday Night Live gig. Norm explained that and basically said he had nothing for his audition. Ron said he loves Norm and he will plug where he's going to be at. He said that they were done and he'd catch him next time. Norm didn't seem to mind.
Howard said the host wasn't really helping Norm out. He said he wasn't really having a conversation there. Robin said Norm sounded fine but she's not sure what he looked like. Howard said maybe Ron thought he'd get into the news by kicking him off. He's not sure what was going on there.
Robin read a story about Shane Llamas who had her own reality show for a while. Howard said she's really good looking but a little pudgy. Robin said she's pregnant now. Howard said she must be really pudgy now.
Robin read about how Rihanna was in a strip club in London and she had to be reprimanded for touching the strippers. Howard said he can't imagine why anyone would complain about that. Howard said if it's hot then you don't complain about it. He said the dancers love that kind of stuff. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said Rihanna is super hot and he'd want to see her rubbing a stripper's titties. Howard said he used to bring Beth out to strip clubs and he'd watch the girls being all over her. Howard said she's not into girls at all though. Fred played Ronnie's ''Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock'' and Howard suggested they call him ''Ronnie Whoa, Whoa'' now.
Robin read about how Apple has sold 4 million iPhone 4S's so far. Robin said that it broke the record for the last one. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said that there's no way he's going to beat that black military guy. Robin and David said he's not black, he's Latino. Howard said he thought he was black. Howard said that dude is really good. David said he got great scores too. Fred said he got a 10. Howard asked if he fucked his dance partner. David said no. Howard asked if he's still going out with the girl from New York. David said he is. Howard asked if he's fucking anyone else. David said no.
Howard asked why Courteney is at the show. David said they're friends. Howard said they are not. David said they're best friends. David said that Howard has to stop talking trash. He said Courteney listens to the show sometimes. Howard said she isn't his friend and she shouldn't be there. David said that you don't have to be mean to someone if you get a divorce. Howard said he has to get a grip on reality. He said he should just go out and have fun. David said that's what he's doing. He said that it's a lot more than he thinks it is though. Howard said he has to send Courteney home. David said no. Howard said he doesn't need Pee Wee to make commercials for him either.
David said these are all people who are his support system. Howard said these people don't care about him. Howard said he cares about him. Howard told him to trust him on this. David said it'll be alright. Howard told him to have sex with Kari Ann Inaba and he'll win.
Howard asked if he asked Pee Wee to do that commercial for him. David said that he didn't ask him to do it. He said that Charlie Sheen tweeted for him last night. David said that he has Stern fans telling him that he sucks from tweeting so much about this show.
Howard told David to listen to him. He said that he knows the perception of this whole thing and he doesn't need that. David said that he wants to get through this challenge and it might sound silly. Howard said this is what he's talking about, he's sounding wacky. David said he's not sounding wacky. Howard said this isn't going to help him cure his insecurity. David said it will. Howard said he has to just have fun with this thing. David said he is having fun with it.
David said he feels like a kid when he goes out there. He said that he feels like he's being judged and he has this whole thing. Howard said he didn't know he was going through that whole thing. He said it's just Dancing with the Stars for crying out loud.
Howard said he has to cool it with Courteney. David told Howard that he is friends with her and he works with her on Cougartown and other stuff too. He said that they get along as friends. Howard said it's crazy to have her in the audience every week. David said he loves having her there. Howard said that he's being honest and he loves them both and he's trying to help. David said that people can be on opposite sides or you can take a different approach like they're doing.
Howard asked David who he would save if he had Courteney and his new girlfriend on the boat with him and he had to save just one. David said he would jump out. Howard said he has to save one. Howard told him to choose. David said he won't say. Robin said she thinks that he would save Courteney because it's the mother of his child. Howard said he wouldn't save her. He said he's taken so long that both of them are dead because he hesitated. David said that's terrible.
Howard told David to let the truth set him free. Howard asked who would die in the boat. David wouldn't answer. David was just giggling like a little girl. He told Howard this is a ridiculous question. David said that he would pick Courteney because he has a child with her. Howard said he would save the new girlfriend. Robin said he can always get a new girlfriend. David said he would save the person who has the youngest child. If the girlfriend was pregnant then he'd save her. Howard said there are some circumstances where he'd let Courteney die. David sounded freaked out by the questions.
Howard asked if Courteney comes back stage and hugs him after the show. He said she does. Howard asked if she kisses him. He said they're not romantically linked anymore. They have nothing like that going on. Howard said he'd probably date Courteney if he was single. Then he said he would never do that to David. He said he'd stick to the man code. Howard said he'd have to do it behind his back.
David asked Howard if he would save Beth or his daughter on a sinking boat. Howard said he would never answer that. He said that's a horrible question to ask. Howard said ''shame on you...'' Howard said he was talking about broads with David. Not daughters.
Howard said he thinks that Courteney should stay home but that's just his opinion. Howard asked what's going on with Ashton and Demi. David said he doesn't know. He said he thinks they'll stay good friends no matter what happens. Howard asked if he would save Ashton or Demi if they were sinking on a boat. David said he'd save Demi.
Howard said that he's going to vote for David this week. Howard and David talked about Chaz and how he's getting better on the show. Howard said he heard that he has really small women feet. Howard said he might have to fly out there to see what's going on out there. Howard said that David should go on live tonight and tell Chaz that he's going to whip his cock out and lets see him do that.
David said that Courteney wants to go out with Howard and Beth. Howard said he likes her and he's not bashing her when he says she shouldn't be on the show. He said it's just weird for David. Howard said that Pee Wee is too old to be in that costume too.
Howard heard a voice behind David. David said that's his daughter. He gets her 3 times a week. Howard asked if he has a hot nanny yet. David doesn't have one. Howard told him to hang in there and they'll all vote for him. Howard let him go a short time later and did a live commercial read.
Howard said he thinks that David Arquette deserves their support because he comes in and delivers. He was there for Little Lupe on the Sybian and he got Courteney Cox in there. Howard said he asks that his fans vote for him and keep him on the show. Howard said he will make sure he reminds everyone next week.
Robin read a story about some mentally disabled people who were rescued from a woman who had them locked in a dungeon. Robin said they were collecting their SSI checks and keeping them locked up. Robin said the people say they were treated like animals. Robin read that they met her through a dating service. Howard said he worries about Gary the Retard in that way. He said they have to check in on him.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about his Jobs bill and why he thinks they have to get it passed. Robin said that someone stole a truck and about $200,000 worth of equipment that was being used by the President. Robin said the vehicle was recovered but it's not clear if all of the equipment was in the truck. Howard said that's some heist to pull off trying to steal from the President.
Robin read about the republican debate and how Herman Cain and Mitt Romney are tied at the moment. Howard said he thinks that racism is over if Cain gets the spot. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how the polls work and how it's not the polls that count.
Robin read about a missing baby girl and how the parents could be arrested in the case. Robin said that they learned from the mother that she was drunk the night her child disappeared. Robin said they don't have any clues about where she may have gone.
Robin had a story about Dan Wheldon's autopsy report showing that he died of blunt force trauma to the head. Robin had some audio of Dan's father talking about his son. Robin said that Mario Andretti commented on the crash. She had some audio of him talking about that as well.
Robin read about Occupy Wall Street and how that's still going on. Robin said the NYPD has had to have officers on duty overtime so they're racking up a big overtime bill. Robin said that means more belt tightening in the city. Robin said they can't stop the protests because it's a right in this country. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about how they had to cut the budget because of the overtime.
Gary said they have an Occupy Wall Street thing going on in Philadelphia and there are people protesting the protesters because the protesters are costing the city $35,000 a day in overtime.
Robin read about how Selena Gomes has had to take out a restraining order against a guy who once said he would kill her. Howard said they should lock that guy up and put him to death because it's not going to lead to anything good.
Robin read about Susan Sarandon making some comments about the Pope and calling him a Nazi. Robin said you always get into trouble throwing those kind of things around.
Robin said that Dan Wheldon was in a Justin Timberlake car. Robin said that Justin was friendly with Dan.
Robin said that Barbara Walters was seen dining with Casey Anthony's lawyer so she may be trying to get that first interview. Howard said she's good at doing that kind of thing. He said there is no retirement for her.
Robin said that Bernie Madoff's daughter in law has said that she spits in Bernie's face after her husband killed himself.
Robin read about how a new Three Musketeers movie is coming out soon. Howard said he doesn't really like the Three Musketeers. He said he doesn't like the puffy shirts and the big mustaches. He said he really doesn't care.
Robin said that Arnold Schwarzenegger is filming a new movie. Robin said he plays a sheriff in a Western. Howard said he doesn't seem to be bothered by all of the stuff he's gone through. Howard said he'd love to interview the guy.
Robin read about how Elizabeth Olsen has 5 movies coming out in the near future. Robin said that she's the sister of Ashley and Mary Kate. Howard said the twins have like a billion dollars. He wondered if she gets any cut of that. Robin said that Alec Baldwin Tweeted out something about how great an actress she is in this new movie ''Martha Marcy May Marlene.'' Robin had some audio of her talking about that movie.
Robin had some audio of Kelsey Grammer talking about how he supports gay marriage and he's not with the tea party on their stance. Howard said that's a weird subject to bring up with Kelsey. He has so many other interesting things in his life. Robin had some audio of Kelsey getting emotional about his new wife Katie. Howard said that's what he wants to hear. Robin had another clip of him talking about his break up with his wife Camille. That clip was screwed up so they didn't have it. Robin had a few other comments from Kelsey that she read through. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary asked if his tears were real today. Jon said he thinks he's touched but he also knows that crying helps in that situation. Gary said that when Richard cried on the Wrap Up Show talking about King of the Hill he knew he was really into it.
Gary said he remembers Sal asking Howard to take a picture of him and Ace Frehley. He said they had another story where Artie asked David Wells to sign something in the paper. He said that Artie didn't know better and he kind of knew it after he asked for his autograph.
Richard came in and said that he got choked up when he heard Mike doing his father's voice and then doing Hank Hill and saying his dad's name. He said he and his parents bond over that show King of the Hill. He said that he used to call his parents every Sunday and they'd talk about the episode that week. Jon asked Richard about why he got so worked up today when he should have been happy. Richard said they bond over that show and it was almost like his life growing up in Kansas. He said that he thinks a lot about his parents when he sees the show and he got super emotional.
Jon asked if there's something specific that he gets worked up over. Richard said that Hank Hill is a lot like his father so that gets him. He said that Mike came back and checked out their office back there. He said they got into a conversation about Beta fish and he showed him his fish and the food he feeds it. He said that he uses tweezers to pull out his fish Rusty's poop. He said Mike told them about the calls they like and they played some stuff for him. Richard said he feels like he's dreaming right now.
Jon said the kicker is that they didn't know that Mike was a huge fan of Richard's. Gary said that he hasn't seen Mike since 1997 or so. He said Mike listens every day. He lives in Austin Texas and he remembered seeing someone who looked like him on a plane once. He said that he and Luke Wilson listen to the show and they're both fans of Richard's dad.
Richard said he and Sal just make each other laugh and it's kind of cool to think about how they're making people out there like that laugh. Gary asked if it's weird that Mike said he likes Richard but didn't mention Sal. Richard said he's sure he's a fan of his too. Richard said Sal didn't get upset about it or anything. He said he was so happy for him that he was happy. He said Sal knows what King of the Hill means to him so he just let him have his day.
Jon said they were talking about Richard's wardrobe today. Richard said that the shirt is a Christmas shirt so he wears it around the holidays. He said he almost called his wife and asked her to bring his Hank Hill boxers down today. He said it would have been too late though. He said he owns like 4 or 5 different sets of King of the Hill underwear.
Jon asked if people get upset with him getting to meet all of these people. Richard said he's into a lot of these people who come on the show and he's lucky that he gets to meet them. Jon said that there are some people who get jealous. He said he'll let them come in if they want to. They had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie about Richard getting to meet all of these people that come up there. Ronnie said he gets interns asking if they can take pictures with guests and he has to tell them to ask Gary. Gary said that Howard has a rule about it and they ask people not to take pictures. He said that there are times that an intern will come to him and he'll let them go in and get a release signed or something. Ronnie asked why it is that Richard gets to meet people. Gary said it's funny for the air.
Jon said that they may have found a jealous one. Ronnie said he's not jealous. He said he doesn't have any desire to take pictures with anyone. He said he might flip out of Cher came in though. He said he has gotten to meet a lot of NASCAR drivers up there but he didn't freak out. He said Cher would be wild.
Benjy said that a couple of years ago there was an intern who got into some trouble. Gary said they had 50 Cent there and he walked by and saw an intern in there. Gary said he saw her in there trying to sell some of her boyfriends beats to 50 Cent. Gary had to ask Ronnie to go in there and get her out. Gary said he had to yell at her and then fire her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal must get pissed when Richard gets to meet these people. Gary said that Sal is a huge KISS fan and he will tell him how creepy he is by telling a story about ruining a KISS show years ago. Richard said he saw Sal try to take a picture with Ace Frehley and he asked Howard to take the picture with his camera. He said Sal was in heaven and wasn't thinking.
Jon got back to Mike Judge and talked about the stuff they discussed with him about Beavis and Butt-Head returning.
Sal came in again and Gary said he remembers Sal telling Jon Stewart why he wasn't funny in the green room once. Sal said that was his first month working there. Ronnie said that if a guest says they want to meet them then he'll go get them. Sal said he doesn't just go out to meet anyone that shows up.
Sal said he likes Mike Judge but he doesn't like him so much that he'd interrupt the show. He said Lars Ulrich is the same thing. He respects the guy but doesn't want to go in there. Sal said that he has gotten to meet people that he wanted to meet but Gary would help out with that. He said that Gary and Howard did the nicest thing for him once. He said they let his son come in to meet Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley but they canceled. Sal said they got back stage to meet them instead. Gary said he forgot about that until just now.
Sal said that he's really happy for Richard. He said he's glad that he got to meet Mike. Jon asked what he would do if the Beastie Boys came up there. Sal said he'd put fire ants in his cock to meet them.
Gary asked Benjy if there's anyone that he'd love to meet like that. Benjy said that Gary thought that he wanted to meet Al Goldstein like that. He said he wasn't that into him though. Benjy said he got to meet James Brown, Willie Nelson and guys like that. Sal said that they actually jammed with James Brown shortly before he died. They got to shake his hand that day. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said that before it all started Gary mentioned that his son is into rap. Gary said his son wanted to take the day off today and he didn't want to let him do that. He said that he will let him come in and meet Eminem, Jay-Z or Kanye West. He said that they're actually going to a Jay-Z concert. He said that his son does his homework with that stuff playing. He said that his son likes to listen to hip hop and the language is so off the charts. He said he knows he's listening to it in his headphones but he used to turn it off in the car. He said they get really graphic about cutting heads off and stuff like that. Benjy asked if he's a wigger. Gary said his son is on his way.
Sal said that his son could end up being a famous white rapper some day. Sal mentioned a couple of white rappers who have been famous. Gary said that if his son comes to him asking to go make a rap record he's not going to give it to him. Jon asked Sal why he got away from it. Sal said he just grew out of it. Gary said that the thing he wondered is how Sal got into it. He said he grew up in a pretty prejudiced neighborhood. Sal said he came from an old school family. Gary asked how he became immersed in the culture. Sal said he grew up with the blacks and he had plenty of friends who were black and he enjoyed their music.
Jon asked how Sal's father handled it. Sal said his basic thought was that if the blacks could make money doing it then his son could too. Sal said he was very wrong about that. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about his fucked up sounding microphone. Howard asked if someone was fucking with it. He asked if they were touching it. He said they're fired if they were. Gary said he asked Scott and Scott said he didn't touch it so he's calling Evan. Howard said it sounds weird to him and it's sideways. Howard told Gary to get out because he was staring at him. Howard said he's useless.
Howard said the only thing that really matters is his microphone. Scott came in and said that it looked the same to him. Scott came over to him anyway. Scott said he sees something in the wrong position. Howard said this is why he can't go bowling. They need him there. Scott said he had to switch a monitor. Scott did that and Howard said he didn't like it. The mic sounded horrible. Scott said he switched a monitor position for him. Howard asked him to please leave him alone.
Howard said Robin is there laughing at him. He said he knows when things are different. Robin asked if it's the headphones. Howard said it's fine. He said it's just aggravating. Howard said they just spent all of this money on Studio 54 and they asked him if he was going to go. He said he's suing them trying to get paid and they're wasting money on that? Howard said he can't imagine a bigger waste of time. He said he thinks that a certain gentleman there wanted to have his own bar mitzvah and he did it that way. He said they're doing all of this on his dime.
Howard said they got a frantic message from a certain someone asking for them to get some celebrities for that Studio 54 party. Howard said they wanted his wife and there's no way he's going to suggest that she shows up. Howard said they had some country music singer there once and they asked Beth to go to that. Gary said it was the Tim McGraw party. Howard said no big celebrities showed up. He said that they said that Keith Richards was going to show up. Howard said he didn't show up.
Howard asked what that cost them. He said that they should have to answer to him. He said he owns ton of stock and they should be asking about how they spend money like that. Gary said they were putting a lot of man hours into the party. Howard said he hasn't seen anything so universally ignored like that party. Howard said he sees that Randy Jones from the Village People was at the party. He said it was an elitist fucking club that people like him were left out of. Howard said the common man doesn't give a flying fuck about that club. Howard asked how you celebrate a club like that when it was for elitists. Howard said the elitists must have been the people celebrating.
Howard said he can't believe anyone would bother with that and waste their time. Howard said this company has enough to get done and they don't need that. Howard asked if anyone else is watching what's going on there.
Howard said the one thing they should be concentrating on is his channels. He said that they should make sure he's happy. Howard joked that Liza Minelli showed up to the party and thought it was 1980. Howard said he went to that Studio 54 a couple of times. He said he went there dressed in work clothes. Howard said he was invited because he was a program director of a radio station. He said he watched people dance and thought it was ridiculous. He said it was meaningless and a pimple on history's ass. He said he can't comprehend why they would put money into that. He said it serves no purpose. He said they don't have any new subscribers because of that. He said that there were probably 54 people who showed up to the event.
Howard said they held that country music show there and no one wanted to go. He said that's how ridiculous it is around there. He said that things are going really well. He said he can't tell you how excited he was when they asked him to go to that party. Howard said he has a major issue on the table with the company and they ask him to go to that. He said he isn't going to have his wife showing up at the party either. Howard said it sounds more like someone there needed a personal party, maybe for morale.
Howard said Beth was told that there would be a lot of celebrities there. Howard said he knew there would be none. He said it's not the old Studio 54. He said it was the night of zero stars. He thinks they had Debbie the Pet Lady and Ass Napkin Ed there.
Gary said they found one article about the party. They mentioned that it was like studio 54 without the regulars. Gary said they say Randy Jones was there. Gary said he knows that they had a lot of people working on this for a long time. Howard said he understands that the subscriptions went through the roof after that. Howard asked if they're going to have Ringo in Central Park next. They'll be giving away free tickets to that too.
Howard said he can't believe they asked him to go. He said he has this suit going on where he thinks they owe him money and they ask him to come and celebrate with them. Howard said he should have gone and shit on the floor at the party. He said that would have added some excitement to the party. Howard said Studio 54 was a bunch of elitists. He said they were all club kids and trust fund kids. Maybe they'll all sign up for Sirius after that. He said it didn't get any publicity. He said no one consults him about it. He said he's just another employee there. He said when he was brought in he was told he was a partner. Now he sees he's just an employee. Howard said he predicted that 5 years ago. He said told the guy he knew that he was going to do this to him. He said the guy who hired him snuck out of there like it was Roosevelt.
Howard said he saw Ross running around there like a mad man trying to get that whole thing done. He said he knows how much hard work went into it.
Howard said he called Jack after he heard that he had cancer. Howard said his mother told him he had it and he had a kind of cancer that can be cured according to his mother. Howard said he called Jack to talk to him and he told him that it wasn't the one that can be cured. Howard said that his last wish was to go to Studio 54 night. Howard said that's everyone's last wish.
Howard said Jack was a nice guy. He said he didn't take good care of himself. He smoked and he ate a lot. Robin said he would smoke as soon as the car stopped . Howard said that he didn't get lung cancer though. He had some other type of cancer.
The caller said that Howard is claiming that he got all of these XM subscribers. He didn't do that and he thinks that he should give it up. Howard said that the guy is an asshole and he's just trying to get in under his skin. Howard told the guy to stop following him. He said he doesn't give a shit about him and told him to fuck off. The caller told him to get some new material. Howard told him to fuck off. Howard said this is a fan. He said if someone offered him a contract and said it was based on subscriptions then it doesn't matter how they got there, they're here. He said that's the point of the whole thing. He said XM wouldn't be there if it wasn't for him. Howard said he knows he's not responsible for every subscriber that comes in but he had a contract deal and he wants what's his.
Howard said that he wants everyone to fire anyone named Justin. That was the caller's name and he never wants to hear it again.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they saw David Arquette grab his dance partner's tit on Dancing with the Stars the other night. Howard said he still doesn't understand why Courteney Cox is in the audience every week. He said he gets that you want to be civil to each other but you won't see his ex-wife in the audience. Howard said that David's new girlfriend should be there. He said David had his heart broken and it's time for Courteney to go home. He said he's not dissing her. He said the whole thing looks odd. He said he likes both of them but it's ridiculous.
Gary said he was watching Dancing with the stars and he saw Carson Kressley dancing and it was the gayest thing he's ever seen. He said he's watching the show to see when David gets voted off so he can ask him to do something for him. Howard said he thought they were going to get rid of that fat Nancy Grace. He said she's the one he fast forwards through. He said that he does that with her and the Kardashian kid. He said he doesn't care about either of them.
Howard said people have weird voting. He said he might have to start voting himself. The guys talked about Chaz Bono and how they still see that little girl in his face. Howard said that it's not a guy's smile. He said it's a woman's smile. Howard asked if Gary likes his beard. Gary said it's the most symmetrical beard he's ever seen. He said it looks like someone burned a cork and rubbed it on his face.
Robin said they were doing the show from Simon's house yesterday. Gary said it looked like a real house. Robin said she thinks that they rented a house. Howard said he didn't know they had enough money for that house.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she hated Studio 54. She said that they took away her BBC channels for that. Howard said that his issues shouldn't be on the air but he loses his cool sometimes. Mariann said that he's entitled. She said that they took BBC1 away for that. Howard said neither of those channels matters. He said that 10 nerds listen to that shit.
Howard said he does like diversity there. He said that he's glad they have a Studio 54 channel but they don't need a party. He said it's not generating interest in the company.
Howard took a call from Cathead who said that he stopped listening to terrestrial back in 2002 after Clear Channel took him off. Howard said he's had a lot of good associations with radio companies but not Clear Channel. He said that they actually wanted him back when his contract was up. He said that people love to not pay him. He said he forgets what happened with that but he doesn't think it was resolved to his satisfaction.
Cathead said he loves Howard and he's been listening since 1994. He said he takes issue with him about his rants about the company shitting on him. Howard said he came there under a certain premise and he wants to settle it in court and that's it. He said it happens to the best of them. He said he's going to resolve it in court. He said he got pissed because he saw money being spend on a party. He said it was as simple as that. He said he lost his cool and he's sorry he brought personal issues into the show... like that's never happened before.
Howard said he wouldn't pick a dollar up off the street if it wasn't his. He said he believes that this money is owed to him and he wants what he's earned. Howard said that it's honor. Fred played Crackhead Bob's ''I am torry'' clip a couple of times.
Howard said if someone owes you money and you see them flushing it down the toilet, that would get you aggravated. Howard said he's had people ask to borrow money from him and they say they're hungry. He said that someone wanted to borrow money so they could keep their summer home. Robin said she had someone ask for money to fix the clutch on their Porsche. Robin said that maybe they shouldn't have a Porsche. Howard said you don't have a summer home unless you can afford it.
Howard asked if anyone was on the phone. He took a call from a guy who asked about the production team there. He said that they play the exact same show when he takes time off. The caller said that the show is on 3 days a week and they replay it. Howard said he's on 3 days a week and they play old shows so people can tune in and hear some Howard material. He said he doesn't expect people to listen to the channels over and over again like a puppet. Howard said that they have everything in one place and you don't have to listen all day. He said if you hear the same thing over and over you can change the channel.
Howard said that he shouldn't subscribe if he doesn't like it. The caller said he works 7 days a week. He said he doesn't mind that Howard works 3 days a week. He said that he had to listen to repeats for 4 days. Howard said they repeat the shows from the week on one channel and play other stuff on the other channel. Howard said there are some people who can only listen 15 minutes at a time. They repeat the shows on one channel for them and other material on the other channel. Howard said if you don't want to hear that you can go listen to other talk shows, sports channels and music on the other channels. He said that's one reason he stayed there. They have so much content there that you have a million other people to listen to.
Howard said they have Jason Ellis, Opie and Anthony, Martha Stewart, FOX and Friends, Oprah and every kind of music you can imagine. He said that you have a wide variety of things to listen to. He said he's just part of the mix.
The caller said he went right where he thought he was going to go. He said that the last 3 minutes just marketed the service more than the Studio 54 party did. Howard said that's the concept there. He said that he does care about his fans and he wants them to have a lot of things going on. He said he's all about choice. Howard said Sirius does have a lot of content. He said so many other services don't have content like they do. Howard said he knows they're not there as much.
Howard said that this woman Cheryl is big too. Robin said she's really not. Robin said she just doesn't photograph well. Howard said he barely moves and he's fat. He said he's got a gut even though he works out and runs. He said he can barely sit in his chair from doing squats. He said he has the most disgusting belly. Howard said Jackie used to have a solid beer belly when he was on the show. Howard said he's 200 pounds and he has a disgusting belly. He said he doesn't understand it.
Tommy said that Kelly Clarkson was on the show and he wasn't sur if it was her or High Pitch Eric. Gary came in and said that she really is huge. He said that she was wearing a shirt that showed her fat belly too. Howard said that sounds like Christina Aguilera. Howard said that she's wearing the same outfits she was wearing when she was thin. Gary said Christina was hot for so long that she can't give up the clothes. Gary said Kelly has been big for a while now.
Howard said he told Beth he's thinking of giving up and pulling a Christina. He said that he's tired of working out so hard to continue looking like this. Howard said JD has been gaining a lot of weight too and people have been calling in about that. Howard said he saw JD's lunch and it was French fries and Chicken Tenders. JD came in and said that he didn't even eat all of it. Howard said he should do the Jared diet and go to Subway. JD said he's been there. He said sometimes he does that. Howard said fried food is going to kill him.
JD said he's been 205-210 for a while now. He's 5'10'' tall. He said 5'11'' first. Robin said there's no way he's that tall. Howard said that JD is not 5'10'' either. Howard said that he doesn't even know his height. JD said that he doesn't wonder what his height is. Howard said that's a major thing to know. JD said he thought he was 5'10'' so that's what he said. Howard asked what's on his license. JD said he thinks it's 5'9'' or 5'10'' or something.
Will came in with a tape measure. Howard asked what he was doing. Will said that Howard TV wanted to measure him. Howard told him not to listen to them. He said it's not funny and no one cares.
Howard said that Robin just stood up and proved that JD wasn't 5'10'' tall. Robin said that he never even measured himself. Howard asked if he knows his race. JD said he's Caucasian. Howard said that it's a weird thing not to know. Howard said that JD is more like 5'7'' tall. Howard said that they had a picture of JD from years ago when he first started there. He was much thinner. Howard said JD has put on a good 50 pounds since then.
JD said a couple of years ago he was 175 and he started taking meds and he's gone up to 205-210. Howard said that JD pulls on his shirt like a fat guy does. Howard said it's only fat people who do that and it doesn't make you look better.
Gary said he used to bend down and put his shirt on his knees to loosen the shirt up. JD said you don't want it accentuating your belly.
Howard said fries and tenders are not good for you. Gary said that Jason and JD get together and make a decision on what to eat and it's like 5 Guys, Wendy's, McDonalds and things like that. JD said Jon Hein only goes to Chipolte and McDonalds. Howard said that he'd rein that shit in and stop eating that stuff every day. Gary said they won't even go to Subway to get a decent sandwich. Howard said he heard that JD got some new shirts out of the glom box. JD said he does get a lot out of there.
Howard told JD he has to be careful about eating. He said he's only 5'7'' tall and he's getting really big. Howard said that he's about 4 inches shorter than he claimed so his weight is way off for his height. Howard said if he was 6' tall he'd be fine at that weight. Howard said that he's 6'5'' himself and he's only 200 pounds.
Tommy brought up the Norm MacDonald clip he played yesterday and how he thinks that the host was doing it for publicity. Howard said it was outrageous that he threw him off. Howard had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Jon Leiberman come in with his headlines. Jon said they have some breaking news. He said they have confirmed that Jason Kaplan uses a Ziplock freezer bag to protect his phone so he can masturbate in the shower. Jon said that so far the bag has prevented damage. Jon said that Sal has called him the Steve Jobs of Masturbation.
Jon said that Jeff the Drunk made it through surgery successfully. He may be in the hospital until Friday. His sister is going to bring him a Quarter Pounder so he's happy.
Jon said that JD had a post on Twitter that said ''I'm in the mood for a fat stinky pussy'' yesterday. It turns out that Sal composed the tweet. JD tried to stop him but Sal got the tweet out.
Jon also said that Sal posted a picture of his kid's bowel movement on Twitter. Howard said that's so fucked up. Howard said you don't do that to your kid. Jon said they're looking into that further.
Jon said that Riley Martin is furious about an investigation about the cleanliness of his radio studio. Riley is moving soon and he claims it has nothing to do with the working conditions and it's actually so he has a bathroom on the same floor so he doesn't have to go up the stairs. Howard let Jon go after that.
Howard said that Perez really has become accepted in Hollywood. Perez said that he doesn't think he's accepted. He said he's tolerated. Howard said he remembers when he used to trash celebrities but he's stopped doing that. Perez said that he was saying something about Britney Spears new music video this week and he was just giving his opinion and people thought he was being mean. He said he's just giving his opinion. He said he still has that opinion and he's not being mean or nasty about it.
Howard said it seems like he's going to be considered a bully either way. Perez said he stopped drawing dicks on people's pictures. Howard said that was funny stuff to do. Robin said he did that to Artie once. Perez said he may have done that. He said he has grown up and he stopped doing that kind of thing. He said he was 26 when he started out and he's in his 30s now so he's grown up.
Howard asked Perez if he's not as hungry as he was back then. Perez said that he's still very hungry. He has new web sites like CocoPerez.com, FitPerez.com, TeddyHilton.com,
Howard asked if he will still post pictures and circle Cellulite. Perez said he will post the photo and maybe make some suggestions. He said he won't draw on them now. He said he posted a picture of Demi Moore on the site the other day and she's way too skinny. Howard asked what happened between her and Ashton. Perez said that all signs are pointing toward them breaking up. They had movers at the house and Demi has been at divorce attorney offices and things like that.
Perez said the worst thing for him is that Ashton didn't use a condom with that girl he was with. Howard said he doesn't get that at all. He said in any situation it's dangerous. Howard asked if he uses them. Perez said that he does. He said he just got an iPhone recently and he got this app called Grindr that lets you find gay guys in the area. He said that it's mainly about hooking up but not everyone is on there for that. He said he could be on there just to be friendly. Perez said that gay dudes don't really come up to him when he's in a bar so he figured that would help. He said it worked for him and he had a drink with a guy who was very handsome. He said that the guy was too handsome. He ended up going back to his hotel room.
Howard asked Perez if he ever has sword fights with his cock. Perez said that's more playful than sexual. He doesn't do that. Howard asked if the guy is still in his room. Perez said he's not but they do have plans to get together again. Howard said the internet has shaped his life in many ways. Perez said he's still in disbelief. He said he feels like he's tricked the world into thinking he's important. He said he's afraid it's going to end at any moment so he saves all of his money. He said he only spends money on his mom. Her birthday is coming up so he's going to spend some on her.
Howard asked if all gay men love their mothers that much. Perez said his mom was the only person he could turn to when he was really down. He said that she was always there for him. He said that she used to tell him that work was work and you weren't supposed to be happy doing it. He said he had to do something he enjoyed though so he's loving what he does now. Perez said that he still gets up at 5:30 in the morning and works 16 hours a day because he loves it.
Howard said that he has been revitalized by going down to 3 days a week. He said he's anxious to get to work now. He said he's not sure where he'll be in a few years when his contract is up. He said he'll sit down and discuss it with Fred and Robin but probably not Benjy.
Howard said that Oprah wanted to quit and just slap her name on her cable network but that didn't work. Howard said that Perez knows that you can't just let it go. Perez said that the ship doesn't sail as smoothly as it should when you're not there. Howard asked if he has had offers to sell his site. Perez said that he'd like to partner with someone, a big entity, that would help him figure out a TV component. He said he will always blog but he wants to do more. Howard asked if the TMZ guys piss him off. Perez said he doesn't compare himself to them. He said he would love to do something like that but they're affiliated with a big brand. Perez said they started that web site with the intention of starting a TV show. Perez said he'd like to get his name on a lot of TV shows so he can have a brand that's like ''Perez Hilton Presents...''
Howard asked if he thinks that Oprah should have stayed on. Perez said he loves Oprah and he thinks that she feels that she wants to make the world a better place. He said she would have had a better chance of doing that if she had stayed on the air. He said that her network is failing and Rosie is failing.
Perez said that he loved the interview that Howard did with Gloria Estefan. Howard thanked him for that. Perez said he loves Gloria and the whole thing was just wild to him.
Howard and Perez talked about Oprah and her cable network and why they think it might be failing. Howard said that there seems to be something about the network that people just don't like. Howard said that she did an internet thing once and more people watched her doing that than watch her network.
Perez said that he asked Oprah about death and what she thinks about that since she can't control that. He said she wrote back saying it wasn't a question for Twitter. Perez said that Oprah just bitch slapped him. He said that she could have just told him to watch her show in an episode she did or something. He said he loves the fact that she answered his question on Twitter though.
Perez said that he loves that Oprah is fat. He said she's gotten even fatter. Howard said when she's thin you think that she has a chef and a personal trainer. Howard said she still has all of that and she's fat and can't keep that under control. Perez said he thinks that she's choosing to be fat. Robin said she thinks that she loves fried food. Perez thinks she's just drinking and eating.
Howard asked Perez what he thinks about Rosie's new show. Perez said he doesn't think that she's shown a different side of herself yet. He said that her show feels like the NBC show she did. He said that she might not be manageable and she won't be controlled. Howard said that he sounds like a TV exec. He asked if he's been approached to do anything in that field. Perez said that Lindsay Lohan was being managed by some friends of his and they asked him to have a meeting with Lindsay. He said she came to his mom's house and he told her everything that he thought she should be doing. He said he told her to just shut up and go away for a long time. He said he told her that she needs people to miss her for a while. He said one of the first things she did after rehab was go to a gifting suite to get free shit. He said that she shouldn't be doing that. He said that she should just stay home.
Howard said that they write about her and follow her after that. Perez said that she does all of these things wrong and she doesn't want to hear it. He said she has an excuse for everything. Perez said she'll say she's just going out for her probation check ins but he has pictures of her all over the place going out in public. He said she could stay home and invite people over. He said she doesn't have to go out.
Howard said Robert Blake figured out how to go away and vanish. Howard said Lindsay is addicted to fame and she doesn't want to listen to Perez. Perez said that's absolutely what it is. He said that the meeting was about an hour long and it was very awkward and uncomfortable. He said that she's a big ol' fuck up but she's also a nice girl. Perez said that you can't blame everything on your parents the rest of your life. She said she appeared very defensive and not very ready in that meeting.
Perez said that today is a probation update for Lindsay and he thinks the judge should send her back to jail. He said that she was fired from her community service job. He said she'd just leave after an hour or so. Howard said that's a handful. Howard said that it sounds like he has some kind of relationship with her and she's just not ready for the advice he has for her. Perez said that she surrounds herself with bad people. Howard asked if she had anything to drink at his mother's house. Perez said that she had just gotten out of rehab so he didn't give her anything to drink.
Perez told Howard he's trying to be more positive. He said that this year it's been about weddings and things like that. He said that he hasn't lost his viewers either. He said they love the good with the bad. Howard asked if he ever wants to draw a dick on a face. Perez said that he does but he will do that in private and share with his friends now. He said he has to be careful what he puts out in the public. He said he doesn't need to broadcast all of that negativity anymore.
Howard asked Perez what he'd like to post that he's kept himself from doing. He said that it's how he talks about things. He said he could have told Demi to eat a sandwich. Instead he just said that she needs some help and it's obvious that she's going through something. Perez said he's not calling her a skeleton or anything like that. He said he did that to Nicole Ritchie. Howard said he saw that she got breast implants. Perez said there's nothing wrong with that.
Howard asked Perez if he could sell his web sites, what kind of money would he want. Perez said he'd do it for maybe $50 million. He said he'd only do that if he had a TV component in there. Perez said he'd want $100 million if there was no TV component.
Howard asked Perez about X-Factor and what he thinks about that. Perez said that they're doing okay but they're not getting huge ratings like The Voice did. Howard said it's summer vs. fall. Perez said X-Factor is more expensive to produce though. He said they're doing things all over the world. Howard said that they're also claiming that they have a $5 million prize and it's really not. Robin said it is a 5 million dollar recording contract. Robin said they don't give you a $5 million check.
Perez said that the nice thing about X-Factor is that Simon posts his clips on YouTube. He said that's great because it can go viral when they won't go viral on other web sites.
Howard asked Perez what kind of money his web site makes with advertising. Perez said he's not sure because he doesn't look at the numbers. Howard asked what it costs to advertise. Perez said that if you want to buy a takeover of the whole site it's about $50,000 a day. Perez said that he's been doing this for a long time and he's basing those prices on that. He said his expenses are low. He said that he has an outside company selling his ads and they take a percentage.
Howard said Perez has written a book for kids. The book is called ''The Boy With Pink Hair'' and Howard said this is what he could read. He actually did read a couple of lines from it for Robin.
Perez said he has a lot of comments on the back of the book from a bunch of celebrities. Howard said he reminds him of a Mafia guy who cleaned up his act. Howard said the message in the book is that he wants people with pink hair to be treated special. Perez said that you want to be accepted and that's what it's about. He said the book isn't about being gay, it's about being different.
Howard asked Perez if he's being safe with the guys he's with on Grindr and that guy he was with the other night. Perez said that they just blew each other. He said they were taking turns and going back and forth. Howard asked if they shower and wash each other's balls first. Howard said that his balls constantly stink and he has to shower all the time.
Howard asked Perez if he blew his load on the guy's chest. Perez said he did. He said the other guy came on himself. Howard said that's very polite. Perez said that he was a very polite guy. He asked if he should stay or go.
Perez said that you never assume that you're going to cum on someone else. He said that he finished first and the other guy came after him. Howard said that was very nice of him. He said he's a gentleman.
Robin asked about Will and Jada. Perez said he has some information about that. He said he didn't talk about this on his web site. He said that the story about Jada cheating on Will with Marc Anthony may not be true according to his sources. He said that J-Lo thought it happened and the story came from her camp and it was leaked to the media from her camp. He said that J-Lo may have wanted it to be true or she thought it was true. Perez said he doesn't think that she cheated. He said he's heard that they have an open relationship but he's also heard that she's gay and he's gay so who knows what's going on.
Howard asked Perez what else is going on out there. Perez said that Zachary Quinto is dating a man and he just came out of the closet. Perez said he's dating someone from Glee. Howard said Perez should date Zachary. Perez said he's nice. He said he's not really his type though.
Howard gave Perez some plugs for his book and web site. Then he took a call from a guy who said he wanted Perez's thoughts about this. He said that his wife told him about a dream she had where a guy was jerking off on her face. She woke up having an orgasm. Perez said that he thinks that she wants to spice things up a bit in bed.
Captain Janks said that Perez sounds shot out of a cannon today. He asked if he got a little mud on the helmet last night. Perez said it wasn't last night. He said he's having a great time in New York though so that's why he's in such a great mood.
Perez asked Howard how he met Beth. Howard said he was at a dinner party that he didn't even want to be at. He said Beth was there and she put some food on his plate and he kept eating not noticing that she had done that. Howard said he believes that while they were at the table he started yelling at people about psychics and he turned to Beth and started to talk to her about that. He said she started to get up to go to the bathroom and he asked her who gave her permission to get up. He said he thinks that he started the conversation.
Perez told Howard that he was all about dating earlier this year. He said he was joining dating web sites and trying to find people to date. He said he was going on 3 dates a day for a while. He said that he was wasting his time going on bad dates. Howard said he sees what type of guy he is and he thinks he has a good heart. He said he needs to find someone and be a power gay couple. He said he has some friends like that. Perez said he doesn't want someone who is going to use him. Howard said he needs to stop blowing guys in hotel rooms and look for a soul mate. Perez said he thinks that it'll just happen. He said he stopped looking for it and now he's just trying to make as many friends as possible. Perez said that he does ask these people a lot of questions though. He said he's looking for someone very nice. Howard asked what kind of guy he likes. He said he likes some actors from some shows that Howard doesn't watch. Then he mentioned Neil Patrick Harris. Perez said he wants someone sweet and nice. He said he wants easy and boring and that's it.
Howard gave Perez some more plugs and asked if he wanted to go out with High Pitch Mike. Perez said that he can come to the party he's throwing tomorrow night. Mike came in and said he'd go to the party. Howard asked if he was interested in blowing Perez. Perez said he'd let him give him a hand job. Mike is on Grindr too. Howard asked why they haven't hooked up. Mike said his phone was in the other room. Mike said he's only a year away from being a 35 year old Twink. Perez showed Mike a picture he has on Grindr and Mike said he's seen better. He said he prefers 20-21 year olds himself. Perez said that he won't date a 20 year old. He said he wants a 35 year old boyfriend.
Mike said he likes Perez's work ethic. He said he wouldn't want someone who is looking for a job. He said he thinks that if Perez saw some other pictures of him on Grindr he might like him better. Howard asked if he's putting pictures of his cock on there. Mike said that you can send them some other pictures on Grindr. Howard asked if he sends pictures of his cock. Perez told him to get his phone. Mike didn't want to bring in his phone because he was afraid that Perez would post them.
Howard asked Mike if guys go berserk when they see his cock. Mike said yes. He said that it's big enough. He said he's more than 6. Perez said he's way more than 6 too. He said he's like 8 and a half. Howard asked how big Mike is. Mike said he's like 7. Perez said that's more than average. He said that he feels weird touching a guy who has a small penis. He said he'd feel weird if he had a small cock like that. Perez said he's been with guys who have 4 inches. Howard said he has 6 which is average. Perez said that's fine.
Perez asked to see Mike's cock photo. Mike didn't want to get it. He said he'd need a few beers in him. Howard asked if that sways him at all. Perez said no. Mike asked if he's cut or uncut. Perez said he's cut. Howard asked Mike what he has. Mike said he's cut too.
Perez asked if there are any other gay guys on staff. Mike said they have Sal and Richard but they're both married. Howard said he's sorry he didn't have a love connection today. Howard said it's great that hey have an author of a children's book talking about his 8 and a half inch cock. He said maybe the next book will be ''The Boy With the 8 1/2 Inch Cock.'' Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and had David Spade on the line. David was on to promote the new season of ''Rules of Engagement.'' Howard said that David always gets on these shows that are established and gets really lucky. Robin said he was part of this one from the start. David said that he wasn't really. He said that they were tinkering with the pilot and they had him jump in on it. Howard said if you can get on a sitcom it's the greatest. He said you just read your lines and do your thing. He said you don't have to write anything. David said that it's worked out so far. He said that this one has been a lot of fun.
Howard said he read that Jon Cryer makes like 11 million a year. He said he thinks the guy is really talented though. David said he's a really valuable guy on that show. Howard said that he has to be good on that show to make it work.
David said he's up early this morning and he thought he saw Skippy. Howard said that Skippy was David's assistant and he turned on David and almost killed him. Howard said that he can joke about it but that's a major trauma. David said that he was staying in the house for a while but he had to get out after a week or so. He said they got the blood off the walls but it was like staying in the Manson house.
Howard said Skippy jumped David and started to punch him. David said that he pulled the gun himself. He said he used to have it under his bed. He said that he woke up at like 5 in the morning and felt there was someone in the room. He said he was in the room and he just started punching him in the face. David said that he got up and got away somehow. He said he started fighting back and it worked a little bit. He said he got back into the house and tried to lock the door. He grabbed his shotgun and went back out but wasn't able to find him. He said he hid in the bathroom and said he was going to shoot him. He said he figured he'd shoot him in the leg if he had to. He said he finally got out of there and the cops found him in the alley with his shotgun. Howard said he wouldn't have had the restraint not to shoot him. David said that he didn't shoot the guy and now he's still working in Hollywood. He said he didn't want to pile on him anymore.
David said he was out at a party with Kid Rock once and he was talking to some girls and they were talking to some guy who didn't like him. He said he went to talk to the guy and grabbed him calling him a dick face. David said that some friends broke them up and he was so happy that they did. He said he knew he was going to get his ass kicked. He pretended that he was pissed that they broke up the fight.
Howard said he got into an altercation a few months ago and he realized halfway through it that the guy could have beat the shit out of him. He knew it would go down horribly if it had turned into a fight.
David said that he got beat up at a little league game when he was in school. He said that he tried to pull the old ''I'm not going to fight you dude...'' and the guy just kept hitting him.
Howard said he knows if he was back in the olden days he'd be a servant. He said that they might smash his head into the wall and kill him. He said it's horribly emasculating.
Howard told David to take a karate class with him next time he's in the city. David said he's past his prime. Howard said his hat is off to him with that Skippy story. He said that he was no lightweight. David said the guy was 320 pounds. David said he's lucky he got out of that. He said the cops said the cops think he did an 8 ball that night. David said that he was tasering him so he'd be incapacitated so he could go under the bed and get the gun. Howard asked how the taser was. David said every time he'd get zapped he's let out a ''Un...cool.'' Howard said he should tell that story on every talk show he goes on. Howard asked if he was nice to the guy. David said he was nice to him. He said that he felt stupid enough hiring an assistant. He said Skippy would ask if he could get an extra ticket for himself when he'd ask for tickets. He said he tried to get him a part in Joe Dirt and he wasn't able to do that. He said that things got weird after that. He said the guy got upset that he didn't get him into the movie. David said he started to think it was weird but he wasn't sure just how weird it was.
Howard asked how he kept the 9-1-1 call from getting out. David said he has no idea. He said the cops were very cool with him though. He said he didn't go to the hospital because the news cameras were there. He said that he tried to water it down to nothing but he should have amped it up and milked it.
Howard said he thought about that story and who would do that at his show. Gary said it would be Sal. Howard said he thinks it would be Scott the Engineer. Robin agreed. David said that he has a list in his car of the order that they'd snap.
Gary asked if Howard thinks that Scott is the guy who thinks that he's being kept down. Howard said that's how he feels. He said he feels that he does so many nice things for Scott but he doesn't know that. He said he kept Scott working for him even though management didn't want him anymore. Howard said Scott called him rude last week for not emailing him about the bowling.
Gary asked David if Skippy has contacted him since that incident. David said he has gotten his life back together as far as he knows. He said that about 2 years later he was driving on the freeway and he thought he saw him next to him. He wanted to ram the car and it turns out it wasn't him. Howard said they must have told him to never contact him again. David said it was ugly and he still has a scar on his arm and foot from it. He said that's one of the things that makes him crazy. Robin said it's weird that he's still walking around free.
Howard said that he saw Julie Bowen getting an award recently and thought about how David dated her. David said he let that one go. Howard said he can't imagine David getting married but she would have been a great catch.
David said that if he was married once he'd be considered more normal to women. He said that Clooney did that and he did it right.
Howard asked David about Sandler sending him a $200,000 car thanking him for doing his movie. David said that he got a call from Chris Rock called him asking if he was in his driveway. He said he wasn't so he told him to go out there and call him back. He said he went out and a Maserati was being dropped off. He said the guy was in a suit and asked if this one was okay with him. He said Rock called to make sure that he was getting the same car as he was. He was afraid he was getting a Honda. David said that he did get a different color Maserati. He said that Schneider got a car made of Uggs. David said that Sandler was very nice and he still has the car.
Howard asked if he would have preferred the money instead. David said he likes the car and he would never buy something like that for himself. He said he tries to do the same for his friends too. Howard said Colin Quinn must have gotten a subscription to the NY Times from Sandler.
Howard asked David how it is being a dad. David said that the kid is great and he's trying to put some time into being a dad. He said that it kind of came out of nowhere but he's trying to navigate though it the best he can. He said it's getting smoother and smoother. Howard asked if the kid asks why he's not with the mom. David said she's not old enough to understand that yet.
David said they went to Disney and the kid had been to another park and asked his mom where Daddy was because she didn't want to wait in line. He's not even sure how she knows about that.
David brought up Jeff the Drunk and how he used to say ''Hey Artie...'' when Howard tried to get off the line. David also and talked about Artie's Letterman appearance. Howard said he was great on there.
David brought up some of the Sal and Richard prank calls to Tradio. Howard said he actually has some new ones that the guys did. Howard gave David some plugs for the ''Rules of Engagement'' season premiere which is on tomorrow after The Big Bang Theory. David said that next time he'll come in live.
Howard said he has tape of Bobo calling them about getting lost in a maze with his kid. Gary said that it's so fake. He said Bobo gave the phone to his little kid and had him saying things that he wouldn't say. Howard said they're smarter than Bobo and they know when he's pulling a prank. Howard said Bobo called them saying he was lost in a maze.
Bobo said he isn't kidding and he really was lost. Gary asked why he would leave a voice message for him and not just call for help. Bobo said that he didn't know who else to call. Gary said he's not in on a Saturday so why call him. Bobo said he was just calling in to panic. Robin said he was just trying to get on the air.
Howard played Bobo's call and Bobo said that his kid was crying and they were lost in this maze. Howard said Bobo is horrible making up a story. Gary said that he brings up this IQ thing in the call about 4 times. He was saying that the maze required a high IQ. Bobo said he was lost in there for 80 minutes. Gary said that he made it sound like he was lost in the Sahara. Howard told Bobo no more lame bits.
Howard played another message Bobo left where he was explaining how he got lost. Gary said he has to get the part where Bobo puts the kid on the phone and coaches him. Howard said it was the lamest prank. Bobo said he was really lost. Howard said he believes that.
Robin said the good thing for the little kid is that his dad has an 87 IQ and he has a playmate. Gary said that Groucho Marx used to get home at 2 in the morning and he'd wake them up to play when he got home. Howard said that sounded like a nightmare to him but some people thought it was sweet. Howard told Bobo to call in with more bits this weekend. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Greg Fitzsimmons come in. Howard said Greg has a show there on Howard 101. He said he's going to be on a new show called ''Pumped'' on the Speed channel. Greg said he has a streak of coming in when they have a lot of shit going on there.
Howard said that Greg's new TV show is called ''Pumped'' and it's a game show where Greg goes to gas stations and asks people questions. Greg said that sometimes he'll be waiting in their car. He said they were doing a thing where they had his face show up on the screen at the gas station but they do that on the Tonight Show. Greg said they spend like 12 hours a day doing the shows at gas stations. He said that they have him doing things over and over because they hear noise from cars and trucks. Howard said they should just leave it in there. Greg said that's what he says.
Greg said they tried to do this on Staten Island. He said they had a guy show up in a Cadillac and when he saw the camera crew he floored it and peeled out of there. He said they packed up 20 minutes later and got out. He said they had one woman out there and they asked ''Man has walked on Mars. True or false.'' She said true. He said they got out of there.
Howard asked Greg if he wears a suit and tie. Greg said he has work boots and he dresses like a gas station attendant. Howard said it would be interesting if he was in a suit and tie. Greg said he used to work in a gas station when he was growing up. Greg said he'd try to make an extra buck by cleaning a windshield and the guy would yell at him.
Howard asked if anyone has punched him yet on the game show. Greg said not yet but he wouldn't be surprised. He said that some people just don't want anything to do with it. Greg said he has bodyguards on the show. He said that they will get up close when things get weird. Howard said they're just taping a game show. Greg said there are a lot of felons out there. He said they might be a dead beat dad or something and they don't want to be on camera.
Greg said that there are guys who come in every day to get gas. He said they have a system and they come in and fill up every single day. Howard asked what channel they're on. Greg said it's on Speed and that's the kind of channel Ronnie jerks off to.
Howard asked Greg about Andy Dick. He said he knows he wants to let him talk but then he got super anti-Semitic. Howard said he was going off on the Jews and his big nose and Greg didn't step in. Howard asked Greg what he made of that situation. Greg said that was his ''Occupy Israel moment.''
Greg said they played the clips that were edited down from an hour long show. He said that he didn't mean for it to come off like he wasn't protecting Howard. He said he was laughing at one point because people call Howard a Hook Nose Jew Bastard all day long. He said Andy is kind of crazy and it did happen sporadically. He said he figured Howard could handle it himself. Howard asked if he feels, as a host, that he should have stepped in and pointed out how down and ugly a place he was coming from. Greg said that the Jews do run the media so maybe he should have stepped in. He said he knew that Andy's father is Jewish so he figured it wasn't that big of a deal. Greg said that he knows Howard doesn't hear the full hour of his show. Howard said he just hears a few seconds of it the next morning.
Howard asked Greg if it disappointed him that he didn't step in. Howard said that he felt that it was odd that he didn't react to it. Greg said he thinks it's hilarious and when it's on Howard's channel it's funny. He said he doesn't think that Andy was genuinely anti-Semitic. He said that he was mad about the show being pulled off the air and some other stuff. Howard said that he didn't pull his show, he must know that. Howard said he has nothing to do with that show.
Greg said that he thinks that Andy was trying to poke Howard and he went for the Jewish stuff to get to him. Howard said he's void of humor and he's a frustrated mess. Howard said he's pathetic and his career isn't going well and he's blaming the Jews for that. Howard said it's actually his lack of ability and lack of discipline. Howard said he doesn't like the guy and he turned him off. Howard asked if it's time to forgive Andy. Greg said he thinks the guy is talented and this kind of shit is part of something he can't wrap his head around. Howard said Greg stopped drinking because he wanted to have a life and a career and Andy isn't able to do that. Howard said that's sad.
Greg said that this show has been a platform for people who live on the edge. Howard said he wasn't angry at Greg and he doesn't care if Andy is on the channels or not.
Howard said he was going to change the topic because who cares? Howard asked if he tried out a rubber vagina last week. Greg said he did. He was on a radio show in Austin last week. He said this guy has been asking him to get messages to Howard and he doesn't do that anymore. He said he doesn't ask for anything from Howard anymore.
Greg said they had a guy from Fleshlight at this radio show. Howard said that the Fleshlight is the most degrading thing to him to use something like that. He said there is no glory in that. He said you're fucking a flashlight in the shape of a porn star's vagina. Greg said they gave him one and it was kind of sad. He said once it's in the room he figured he had to fuck it. Howard said he has tried something like that too.
Greg said that he tried body lotion and he was fucking it and it didn't feel as good as his hand. Greg said he felt like a loser and didn't even cum. He said he didn't know what to do with the thing. He didn't want to throw it in the trash or anything. Greg said he put it in the pocket of the bath robe in the hotel room. He said that someone will find it and do something with it.
Howard said that he's not above all of that. He said that he fucked a Real Doll once. Robin said that she doesn't think he finished in that. Howard said he did blow his load once when they had that machine that was like a Sybian for guys. Howard said it worked.
Howard gave Greg a bunch of plugs for his audio book and other things. He said that you can find out more at Fitzdog.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dave Attell said the word ''Jew'' on Greg's show the other night and Greg jumped right on it this time. Howard said he doesn't care about the word and it's okay to say that. Greg said that he uses the N-word in jokes and stuff and he's not afraid to do it on stage. He said in another situation you have to see it's not working.
Another caller said that Greg is a piece of shit for not sticking up for Howard. He asked if he still puts soap in his kid's mouth too. Greg said he doesn't do that anymore. The caller said that they don't have Bubba the Love Sponge anymore but they're stuck with this guy? Greg said this is the same guy who goes off on him on the internet and won't say this to his face. The caller said he will say it to his face. He said he doesn't even use the internet.
Another caller asked Greg why he would have Andy on his show a month after what happened. Greg said that a lot had happened in that month and he was asked if he'd have him back on and said he would. Howard said he won't tell anyone to not have a guest on their show. Howard said that's Greg's thing. He said that he wouldn't have Andy on but that's Greg's thing. He said that Robin does her own show now and maybe she'll have Andy on. Robin said she doesn't think he'd work on her show.
The caller asked Howard if he feels that Greg is doing it just to get to him. Howard said he doesn't feel that way. Greg said that something happened on Jackie's show. Howard said that was Pat Cooper. He said that he didn't tell Jackie not to have him on. He just pointed out that it wasn't cool to do that and Jackie canceled.
Greg said he's been doing his show for years on there and he's never gotten an editorial note from Howard or Tim. Howard said he never will ether. Howard said that he'd just tell Andy Dick to fuck off if he had him on his show. Howard said he'd do the same with Mel Gibson. Howard said he doesn't think that Robert Downey Jr. gets it. He said he doesn't have to give him a pass. Howard said there are people he just doesn't want to deal with and that's why he won't have them on the show.
The caller on the line said that Greg is one of them. Howard said he likes Greg. Howard took another call from a guy who said that all Greg does is plug that FitzDog thing the whole hour. Greg said that he does that and he started calling it that because he needed branding. He said his app and web site are both FitzDog. Howard said that it sounds like the show is just FitzDog, Kike, Howard is a Jew, FitzDog and more FitzDog. Greg said that he gets calls on his show and people will wait on the line for 39 minutes to tell him he sucks.
Howard said he heard that Greg went to eat at Reo's and that's where his dad died. Greg said he did. Howard asked if he had been there since his father died. Greg said he hadn't been there in his life. He said that his dad died at 52 there. He said that he went there and he was real nervous about it. He said the manager came over and gave him a big kiss and told him what he'd get to eat. He said everything was delicious. He said they showed him the chair he died in and he's glad he died there. Greg said that it was a great place to pass away at. Greg said it's a violent way to die. He said he never really got over it. He said they weren't talking at the time because they had a big blow up. He said it was weird going to the restaurant but he's glad he went. Howard said he didn't know he was fighting with his dad at the time. Greg said you have to stay in touch even if it's just a little bit.
Howard thanked Greg for depressing him. Howard asked if they comped his meal at least. Greg said they did do that. Howard gave him some plugs for his new game show ''Pumped'' and his audio book version of ''Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons'' which you can get through his web site Fitzdog.com. They went to break a short time later.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody from Eli Braden. Robin started her news with a story about 36 Olympic swimming coaches being banned for life for sexual misconduct. Robin said you never think of these sports being like that. Robin said that they say that these coaches have molested and groped many girls they've coached. Robin said that one coach taped the girls in a special shower room where he had a hidden camera set up. Howard said it's hard to be a legitimate coach after all of this stuff.
Robin said that they've had a lot of stories about a series of gropings in Brooklyn and Queens. Robin said they caught one guy and arrested him. Robin said that he had a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand and porn on his phone with his zipper down when they caught him. Robin said they showed his picture to one victim and she ID'd him. Robin said there are others doing the same thing that the cops are looking for. It's a widespread problem. Howard asked if he was whacking off when he'd fondle these women. Robin said he was already masturbating when he'd try to cop a feel.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show more than life itself. Howard said Gary said that he hates him more than life itself the other day. He said he thinks he got that a little backwards.
Howard said he had $500 to give away and he's just going to give it to him without any bullshit. Howard said he was going to play a game but he didn't want to do that.
The caller said last week Gary was talking about Conan O'Brien and trying to rationalize what he did by comparing it to Howard but it didn't make sense. Gary said that this guy called in last week with the same thing. Howard said he was just bringing it up again. Howard put him on hold so he could get his $500.
Robin read about this woman who was holding multiple slow adults hostage for years to collect their SSI checks. Robin said they were torturing them too. Robin said there were more than two people involved in this. She said that this woman Linda Weston was the one who came up with the idea originally. Howard said you'd think one of the other people involved would think it was wrong. He said he's pretty sure if he asked Robin, Benjy or Fred to do that they'd tell him he was out of his mind. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how they're saying that you can't use TV as a babysitter for your kids. Howard wondered how you kill hours in a day. Robin said that this one doctor is saying no TV at all. Howard said he can't imagine that. Robin had some audio of this guy talking about what it can do to kids. The doctor says that it can cause developmental delays.
Robin said that they're saying that rubber bumper pads are not needed in a crib. Robin said that they found that the bedding pads can cause babies to suffocate. Howard said his kids had bumper pads. He put TVs in their cribs. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard ended up doing his impression of his mother talking about all of this stuff. Howard said he's one of those people who says that there are kids growing up in closets and they turn out just fine. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about an 11 year old girl who called in a bomb threat to her school. The school was evacuated and searched and nothing was found. Then the girl called the next day asking for $100 and made another bomb threat. She was arrested. Howard said she must have been raised on TV.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Howard that he got his catheter taken out today. Howard said he's in the hospital after getting a tumor removed from his back. Jeff said he has to go to rehab. He said he has to do that for 1 or two weeks. Howard told him to do it then. Jeff said he has to go to physical therapy. He said he's on morphine today. He said he's hurting. Howard said the tumor must have been gross. He said he can't imagine who would even notice it on him. Jeff said it was some sort of gland.
Howard asked what made him go to the doctor. Jeff said he thought he was having a heart attack. Howard said he's in no condition to talk. He said he had to move along. He told Jeff to feel better. Jeff didn't sound happy that he was letting him go. Howard said he's never happy with the amount of time he gives him on the air.
Robin read about an exotic pet owner who killed himself and released all of his pets before doing so. Now the cops are going around hunting down the rest of them and killing them. Robin said there are apparently 48 animals living on his farm. Robin said he had lions, tigers, bears and others. The animals all escaped after the owner died.
Howard said dogs and cats should be the only pets allowed inside people's homes. Robin said that birds are okay too. Howard said it looks dumb. He said you can talk to a dog or cat. He said people are retarded. He said the shelters are all full and this guy wanted a Zebra. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about an actress who is suing IMDB.com and Amazon.com for revealing her age. Robin said that the woman claims that they got her birth date from her credit card information and she thought that it was safe using it on the site. Howard wondered if that's something you can sue over. Howard said he's not sure that it harms her.
Robin had some audio from the republican debate from the other night. She had a few clips of them going back and forth arguing.
Robin read about how the Israelis are releasing 1000 prisoners for the release of one of their people. Robin said that won't put them back at the peace table though. She had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read about how high student loan debt has gotten. Robin said that it could negatively affect the economy in the future.
Robin read about the upcoming World Series that starts tonight. Howard said he doesn't care about it at all. Robin read some details about the teams and said she doesn't even know what she's reading. Howard said it seems that no one really cares about those two teams. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
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JD said that your height doesn't change once you get to a certain age. JD said his grandmother has gotten shorter. He said she's like 4'2'' tall now. Gary said it doesn't change for a very long time. Gary said he finds that amusing.
Jon asked if he was surprised that he was shorter than he thought he was. JD said he didn't think that much about it. Gary said he's close to JD's height so he knew he wasn't 5'11'' tall. Jon asked if he's taller than Ronnie. Gary said he'd like to know how tall he is. Greg Fitzsimmons was siting in and said that he and Ronnie are almost the same height. He said he is 5'8'' tall.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that guys round up for their height and women round down on their waist size. Gary said that he thinks a lot of people change their height.
Jon asked JD about the food he was eating the other day that got Howard's attention. JD said that's just the same bullshit over and over. He said he's up to about 205-210 pounds. Gary said he thinks that means he might be 220. JD said he weighs himself in the studio every day and it's in that range.
Jon asked Ronnie how tall he is. Ronnie said he was measured at 5'8'' tall so that's what he goes by. He asked what's wrong with them. Jon said Greg is taller than him and he's 5'8'' tall. He said that Greg has boots on and he's not taller than him. Ronnie was going off on them and getting worked up so JD was laughing at him.
Gary said during a break about 3 weeks ago Benjy floated the idea that he wears lifts in his shoes. Gary said that he doesn't. Benjy said that he thinks that Gary is handsome no matter what height he is. He said sometimes Gary is taller and sometimes shorter than he is. Gary said that he asked him if he was wearing lifts and it was very funny.
Benjy said that he'd wear lifts if they were simple to use. He said he's sure some people do that there. He said that Ronnie probably has big heels on his shoes. Ronnie yelled at him and asked if he had to take his shoes off.
Gary said that the idea of these lifts sounds uncomfortable. Greg said Ronnie's shoes look like they should have steel rods in them. Jon asked if people ask Ronnie if people are surprised at his height when they meet him. Ronnie said they actually are. Jon had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he talked to Jon about this right after it happened and Sal's delusion was very genuine. He said there were times when Fred turned to him and asked if they should be afraid. Jon asked if this was the ''entity phase.'' Gary said it was. He said it was funny on the air but there was some talk about whether or not they were safe. Gary said they basically hired a wack packer.
Sal came in and said that he knows they're doing this to get under his skin. Sal said he thinks that Scott would be the guy who could go Skippy. Gary asked Sal about his delusional thoughts about Howard being his friend and wanting to stay at his house. Sal said he thought Howard was the delusional one. He said he just asked Howard if he could sleep over and he realizes that it was over the line. Gary said he had a whole fantasy about hanging out and watching Survivor in bed together and things like that.
Jon said that Sal can make some jumps that are kind of wacky. Sal said that a lot of geniuses have wacky thoughts.
Gary said that Sal didn't move on that day. Sal said there was never a situation after that. He said that Howard pulled that prank on him about quitting. He said he didn't do anything crazy. He said he just thanked Howard for everything he's given him. Gary said that's even kind of odd. Gary said there were some wacky things that Sal has done over the years. He said that he talked about him being an entity and not being real. Sal said that was before Dorothy opened the curtain. Gary said that it was the wizard who opened the curtain. Sal said that he hasn't watched that movie as much as Gary. He said Gary must be related to the monkeys.
Sal said that he thinks Gary is crazy. He said that Gary doesn't think he's crazy and crazy people don't think they're crazy.
Ronnie said Sal is nuts. He said that once he makes a stupid statement he says he doesn't mean it now. He said that once you make a statement you can never take it back. He said all of the crazy things he says can't be taken back. He said that Sal is still fucking nuts. He said that shit doesn't go away.
Sal said that Ronnie has changed. He spends all of his nights in strip clubs instead of going home to his wife now. He said that he used to be considered normal. Ronnie asked Sal who can't wait to get to the strip club tonight. Sal said he's still happy in his life. Ronnie said that Sal isn't happy and he can't make fun of his life if he's doing the same thing. Sal said that Ronnie is living in a demented, dark shithole. He said he's not nuts. Ronnie said he is nuts. He said he'd never say shit like that.
Ronnie and Sal were arguing about what Sal did with Howard a few years ago. Sal said that the guy has a house the size of a mall and he just asked if he could sleep over. Ronnie said he's been with Howard a lot longer and he'd never do that. He said that he thinks Sal is a whack job.
Gary said that Sal also jerked off to a relative's panties. He also jerked off to a friend's daughter's panties. Sal said that he was just joking around that day and he's not going to talk about it. He said Joey Boots and Richard can back him up on that.
Jon asked if Howard considered Ronnie a friend. Gary said he thinks so. Jon asked if Howard thinks of Sal as a friend. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that Ronnie and Howard were closer back in the day because they were at a time in their careers where they spent more time together. Ronnie said that he can still ask Howard to do things for him and he'll do them. Sal said he can ask him to do things too and he considers Howard a friend.
Gary asked Sal how many friends he has in his life whose houses they've been banned from. Sal said he has just one. Sal asked why he's banned from that house. Gary said he didn't want to bring it up. Jon said that he would just say that it doesn't bring a point in his favor.
Jon said that the other guy who gets brought up as a Skippy is Scott. He asked why he's the one. Ronnie said that he's going to snap one day. Gary said he's the forgotten and beaten guy on the show. Gary said that they always leave Scott off the list and forget about him. He said it just happens. Gary said Scott might also feel that he's unappreciated. He said that all ads up to what happened with Skippy.
Jon said that you know the potential is there. Gary said that Scott used to be all mellow and claim that he wouldn't get mad. Lately he's been losing his temper.
Scott said that he's very non-violent but he may have a temper. He said that he doesn't touch anyone. Gary said he had that mania when he yelled at Gange not to play the tape years ago. Benjy said he was ready to take a swing at him after the diet contest though. He said he felt like he was going to punch him. Scott didn't seem to remember it that way.
Jon asked Scott if he would ever go after Howard. Scott said he would never do that. Benjy said that he doesn't think he'd do anything and Sal wouldn't either. Sal said he doesn't have a violent bone in his body.
Jon took a call from a guy who pointed out that Ronnie left his wife and kid but so did Howard. Sal said he was pointing out that he had changed. He said that he was just making that point. He said it's a big transition. He said he's a swinging old fart now. Ronnie said he works for the club and he goes there once in a while. He's not there every night. Ronnie said that he's out of his mind. Sal said he was just pointing out that he's changed and he's doing fine. Sal said he has changed and he's doing fine. Ronnie said that Sal isn't doing fine. He said he can't take back what he said. Sal said he's not taking that back.
Gary asked Sal if he used to time Howard when he went to the bathroom. Sal said no but Gary said he did. Sal said he used to observe Howard and it was hard not to when he's the ring leader. Gary asked why he doesn't notice what he wears every day. Sal said he doesn't care.
Sal said maybe Ronnie should model himself after Howard. Ronnie said that he used to come dressed comfortable and he got yelled at. He said that he got the glasses before Howard did too. He said he didn't steal Howard's look like some people think. Ronnie said he's ready to get rid of these things he has now. He said that he'll never hear the end of it if he changes to something too close to Howard's.
Greg pointed out that JD is fucked up and he could be one of these guys too. Greg pointed out that when he said it was good to see JD he responded with ''Is it?'' JD said he was kidding. Greg didn't think so. Greg said he's just as capable of snapping. JD thanked him for that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that he's not sure if this is still what's going on but there was a time when Ronnie opened up about his dad. Ronnie said that he talks to the shrink about that. Benjy said that's where his mind went when he heard him talking about that. Ronnie was afraid that his younger girlfriend might leave him.
Jon asked if Sal is going to a shrink. Sal said that his shrink went away on a 2 week break and when he came back he figured he was fine so he was done. He said things have been going fine for him lately. He said that his perspective is that things are going just fine. Gary said he thinks he just ditched his shrink.
Benjy asked if they think that Sal is more thoughtful lately. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon said he doesn't think Sal has changed. Gary said that Sal has done a better job of masking his odd behavior. Sal said that's just not right. He said he's got it down now and it may have taken awhile but he's doing fine. Greg was saying some stuff to Sal that Sal didn't like. Greg said that Sal's life is a lie and that's going to lead to him snapping. Sal said everyone lies about their life. He said the President is the biggest liar in the world. He said that the Pope is a big liar too. Gary asked if there's anyone in the world who isn't a liar. Sal quickly said ''My mother.''
Gary asked Ronnie about how old he's turning. Ronnie said he'll be 62. Greg asked if his shrink is younger. Ronnie said he is. Greg said that you'd think that would be weird since Ronnie has lived more than that guy. Ronnie said that he's very comfortable with his shrink and obviously Sal wasn't. Sal said that Jim McClure told him once that a shrink is like an auto mechanic and they'll always find a reason for you to come back. Gary said that's just not true. He said he graduated and his shrink felt he was done. They had to end the show a short time later.
Artie's Yankee Game Experience. 10/20/04. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about the Yankees losing last night and how a team has never gone from a 3-1 lead to a 3-3 tie. Artie was at the game last night so he told the guys about what he did to prepare for the game. He and his uncle went and got some food at an Italian restaurant called Pasquale Rigalettos before going to the game. They had some drinks and a full meal before heading over to the game. Gary heard how much they ate and drank and wondered how they could go to the game after that. Artie said he got more agita from the game than he did eating all of the food he ate. He was sitting behind third base and called the Red Sox names the whole time. He was calling guys homos and stuff like that through the game. Gary has seen him do that stuff first hand and he yells at those guys non-stop but he's close enough that the guys can hear him.
Last night there were so many problems that they had to bring the riot police in according to Artie. He said there was one guy yelling out for the Yankees pitcher to hit a guy in the f'n head. Howard remembered the days going to see some Yankees games with his father and how the smell of whisky on guy's breath always scared the crap out of him. He figures Artie is one of those guys that scares kids now. Artie went on to talk about what caused the riot police to be called in last night. There was a play where A-Rod punched a ball out of the mitt of a Red Sox player. That led to a the umps huddling to figure out if it was a legal play. When they ruled it illegal, 40,000 people just threw everything and anything they had in their hands down on the field. Artie said that there was a rain of objects just crashing down while the crowd was yelling ''A-hole'' and other things. Artie said that the Umps were taking major abuse from everyone including himself. He apologized for anything he may have said to the Umps last night. Then they had to have another huddle while they talked about where Jeter was supposed to go and the crowd started throwing more stuff on the field. That was after they had the grounds crew go out and pick the stuff up. Those guys also got booed as they were picking the stuff up. Then the announcer asked everyone to show some class but even more stuff was thrown on the field. The Umps called cops over to protect them and that led to a 15 minute delay while they got the riot police in place. He said there were about 100 guys that came out from the ''bowels of Yankee stadium'' to try and control things. They got in place and kneeled down around the perimeter of the field. Artie said he really wasn't intimidated by them because they were in bad shape. Some of them looked like they were in the same shape as him and some looked like crackheads.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that the call was the second bad call the Umps made that pissed off the crowd. There was a hit that was ruled a double after a ball bounced off a girl in the stands. The umps didn't see the bounce off of the girl in the stands. Gary said that all of the pressure is on the Yankees for the final game of the playoffs. The Red Sox could finally end ''the curse'' if they win the game. Artie talked a little more about his time at the game. He almost had to pee in the sink of the bathroom because the line was so long there. Then he waited on line for a half hour for some Dippin Dots. He loves those things. He also waited in line to buy a hat that he was calling a ''goupoline'' but no one knew what he was talking about. They'd never heard the had called a goupoline. Gary wondered if he's going to go to tonight's game as well. Artie said he can't because he didn't get home until 2:30 this morning. He may have still been drunk when he got to work. Howard wondered what he ate when he got home at 3 in the morning. Artie said he didn't eat anything because he was too depressed after the Yanks lost.
Howard explained that KC was making him crazy with his lunch. He said he comes in late and he was telling Gary that it was driving him nuts. He said that Gary gave him a look that he didn't like. Gary came in and said he just didn't understand what he was saying. Howard said he thinks that they think it's a joke. KC came in and said that he's not laughing. He told Howard that the printer was giving him a problem. Howard said that his lunch comes first.
Howard said KC has something in his hair this morning. KC said he had wax in it. Robin said he greased his hair. KC said he has to do that to keep it from standing straight up. Howard told him to get out of there. He said he's talking like a chick.
Howard said he opened up the paper this morning and saw in the NY Post that they used a good picture of him finally. He said this Dr. Laura is in the paper and she was at a big radio conference. Howard said he doesn't go to those things. He said he could care less about radio guys.
Howard said that he's supposed to go to a NATPE convention but he might just fight with Fred there. Fred said that they can all suck him. Howard said Fred didn't know what they were talking about when they asked him the question earlier. Jackie said he just kept going with an answer and he was answering the wrong question. Fred said they were goofing on him. Howard said they were in a Fred moment. Fred didn't seem to like that term. Jackie said it was funny and Howard said Fred was just being Fred.
Howard said that Fred needs to listen to him. Fred said he knows that but he's got other things going on there. Howard said he wanted to move on and talk about other things. Fred said he has more live commercials than normal this morning. Fred said there are actually two questions there. Howard wanted to just move along. Fred said he can answer well. Fred said there are usually 10 live commercials and some of them might be pre-recorded. Today there are more live, live commercials but less live commercials than usual. Howard said he told Fred he didn't think there were that many live commercials so he commented to Fred about that.
Jackie said Howard asked if there was less live commercials than usual. Jackie said Fred started to explain it to Howard and he answered a different question about the live commercials. Howard said he just wanted to know if the live commercial sponsors were going away.
Howard asked if he could drop this argument. Fred said no. Howard said they'll take it up during the next commercial break. Howard said it was silly and he wanted to apologize to his wife Nancy... referring to Jackie's apology from years ago.
Howard said he has anger for Dr. Laura and he wanted to get to that. He said he had to take a break first and talk to Fred.
Howard told Gary to pack his bags. The guy then started to go on and on about Steve Allen again. He said he thought Howard blew him away. Howard said he thinks that he's one of those guys who will just keep talking if they just let him go. Howard muted his voice so the guy couldn't hear him and then just let him ramble in the background. Howard would give him a line and let the guy ramble for a couple of minutes.
Howard asked the guy what was on his mind. He told him not to call the office if he has nothing to say. Howard said this guy has nothing to say. He tried to get him wound up but then he stopped talking. Robin asked what he does for a living. The guy said he's a computer consultant.
The caller was listening to his radio and not hearing Howard on the phone. Howard told him to turn the radio off. Howard tried talking to him but the guy was confused by the radio. He said he thought he was talking to Gary.
Howard said this guy is a mental patient. The caller said he isn't. He said he's just as old as Howard is. Howard and Robin asked the guy more questions and he started to repeat himself. Then he gave Howard some stock tips.
Howard asked if he was ever dropped on his head. He said he was actually. He said his parents turned away for a second and he rolled off a bassinet. Howard asked the caller if he hears himself. The caller just rambled on and on. Howard kept asking questions and found out he lives with a roommate. Howard said he's shocked that someone lives with this guy. Howard asked if he has to get to work. the guy said he's on an evening shift. He said he doesn't have to go in until 5:30.
The caller said that he can't believe that Howard has two kids. He said he might end up having two kids in 3 years since he's 3 years younger than Howard. Howard asked if he wanted to do a Dial-A-Date. The caller said he would do that. Howard said Gary was getting nervous hearing that. Howard said he doesn't want to be in the same room as this guy though.
Howard said that he had tickets to give away so he asked the guy if he wanted them too. The caller said he would like that. Howard wanted to put him on hold to get the tickets. Robin wanted to know what he looks like. She told Howard to ask him what he looks like so when they meet him they'll see how delusional he is.
The caller described what he looks like and then Howard said he'd have him in. He said that he had to put him on hold though. He gave him another minute and then put him on hold. Howard said they have a new nut job for the show. Howard said he wasn't sure he wanted to give out his name though. He said maybe they can just call him Mental or Mentor. Robin said he called himself Lord Bauer.
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Howard said he wants to use big words at times but he thinks twice before doing it. Howard said he used to think that histrionics had something to do with history.
Howard said Gary should have just said he was close to getting to his goal. He shouldn't have said ''cusp.'' Howard told him to learn English or scram.
Howard said that they should play some Jeopardy. Gary said he has it at home and he'll bring in the book with the questions in it. He said he could do that or bring in Trivial Pursuit. Howard said he wants to play a game that isn't Gary's. Howard told Mitch to go get him the Jeopardy game.
Howard said maybe they have it at FAO Schwarz. Gary said they don't open for 20 minutes. Howard said that's lucky for him. Howard asked Gary if he's going to read the book tonight. Gary said he promises he won't. Howard said he thinks he will study it. Gary said he won't do that. He promised he wouldn't do that. Howard said he wanted to play right now. Gary said they have a few versions so he'll go get one now. Robin said she'll hold the questions.
Howard said that Gary probably meant that he was on the crust of his pizza. He said the only thing on the cusp is his brains leaking out his ears. Howard said he knows that he can beat that idiot. Howard said he doesn't know a thing in the world but he can beat Gary. He told Robin not to ask any sports questions.
Howard told Robin she has to make up categories. Robin said it comes with them. They got the game a short time later. Robin gave Howard the categories and told Fred to keep score.
They started the game and Gary got his first one right. Howard figured that he had read them already. Gary said he didn't. Robin read another question and Gary didn't get that one. Robin went through some more and Gary got a couple more correct. Howard figured he was finished when Gary picked a sports and leisure category. The guys went through some more questions and Howard was in the lead so he said they were out of time. Howard said that he thinks he wins because Gary was out of points. Howard said that they proved that Gary is an idiot once again.
Howard said he knew if he waited long enough they'd have a guest just drop in like this. He said it only took 15 years.
Howard had Gary bring in the guest. Gary said he was entering the room. Howard said he likes that celebrities are comfortable enough to just walk in like that. The guest said that he was in the neighborhood so he just stopped in. Howard said he must be promoting something. Howard asked the guest a question. He got a no answer so Jackie asked some questions. Jackie found out he was a rock star with a hit song in the past 5 years. Howard said he knew who it was. He said he was just going to say it. Jackie asked if he was British. He was. Howard said that ruled out who he was going to guess.
Howard guessed it was Peter Frampton or Lindsay Buckingham. Robin asked some questions and Gary gave a hint to try and help. Gary said that one of his many ex-girlfriends was there recently. Howard said he can't wait to interview him. Jackie said it wasn't Peter Noone. Howard was still thinking about who it could be. Howard guessed it was Sylvester Stallone. Gary gave some more hints and Howard finally guessed it was Billy Idol.
Howard said Billy was on the show years ago and he was wasted. Howard talked to him about what Julie Brown was telling them about him recently.
Billy told Howard that he's going to be performing there in the city with some guys from Guns N Roses. Howard asked him who he's with now. Billy said he's with anyone he can get. Howard asked if he just gets girls when he wants them. He asked the guy who came in with Billy if he's in charge of getting the girls. The guy said he does a little bit of everything for Billy. Howard asked how long he's been with Billy. The guy said it's been 9 years. Howard asked if he carries his condoms and everything. Billy laughed. The guy said he actually puts them on for him. He said he's his personal assistant. Howard said he wants to come over to his place tonight. They said that they have chicks at the hotel and some of them are hiding in the hotel when they get there.
Howard asked Billy about how he gets girls. Billy said he just looks at this guy and he goes out and gets them. Howard asked if the assistant gets laid too. He said he has a girlfriend now. He said that when he was single he would get laid.
Howard said that's some life. Howard asked Billy about growing up in England and if he knew he was going to sing when he was growing up. Billy said he always knew he wanted to sing. He said they had a great show on over there called Ready, Steady Go and they had great bands on the show. Howard asked Billy how he started signing. Billy said that women inspired it. Howard asked where it was that he first did it. Billy didn't remember. He said he started singing at 20. He said he used to play with friends in garages. He said that they went from nothing to having 5 girls in bed.
Howard asked if he grew up poor. Billy said they weren't really poor. Howard said that if you had black people in the neighborhood then you were poor.
Howard said if he looked like him he'd go into modeling. Howard said he wouldn't have to care how he looks in his movie. He said that he's going to make sure his nose is lit so it looks smaller in the movie. Howard asked if he should cut his hair. Billy said he should. Howard said he doesn't have the face for really short hair.
Howard asked Billy about dropping out of school at 18 and things like that. Billy said that they eventually hit big but they were ripped off by managers and things like that. Howard asked if he's still a millionaire. Billy didn't say. Robin said that he was always wasted so she's not sure how he watched his money. Howard said he was on heroin and things like that. Billy said he was on everything.
Howard asked if Billy hates the old rock stars like Clapton. Billy said he doesn't hate them. Howard said the last time Billy was on he was pretty wasted and he had his head on the desk while they were talking.
Howard asked Billy if he has a girlfriend now. Billy said he's not really attached. Howard said that means that if someone better comes along he can go for that. Billy said that's basically it. Howard asked if Billy and his assistant have ever gotten it on. The assistant said that they've been in proximity with girls but that's it.
Gary said that Robin Radzinski from the E! show is into Billy. Howard had Gary bring her in. Robin came in and said that she's a big fan. The assistant suggested a threesome. Howard said that Robin should show her chest. She unbuttoned two buttons. Howard said that's what she has to show off to get a guy like that. Howard told her to get back to work, she's embarrassing herself. Howard said she's an executive.
Howard asked Billy about how they want to place his penis in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said they want to give it a multimedia presentation. Billy laughed.
Howard asked how many girls they've had at once. Billy said it was like 5. The assistant said that Billy had Savanna the stripper too. Howard said he had her too but in a different way. He said he doesn't cheat on his wife. He said they made a mould of Savanna's vagina and he did that thing. He said he waited for his wife and kids to leave and he tried to have sex with this piece of rubber. He said he looked in the mirror while he was doing it and he realized he was 41 and doing it. He said he laid on the bed so he wouldn't have to look in the mirror. Howard said he bruised himself doing it too. Billy said she gave him a score of 9 and Axl Rose only got a 1. Howard asked if he has a big package. Billy didn't answer. Howard asked the assistant but he said he's never seen it. Howard didn't believe that.
Howard gave Billy some plugs for the show he was going to be doing. He started to wrap up with him after that. They talked about Sam Kinison since he was a mutual friend. Howard asked how Billy got cleaned up. Billy told Howard that he didn't go to any meetings. He said that if you like that then you like it. He said he'd rather be on stage and rock.
Howard asked if he drinks at all. Billy said he's still having a good time. Howard asked when he last had heroin. Billy said it was 1989. Howard asked when he last did coke. Billy said that wasn't so long ago. He said he's pretty cool about things. He said he still has a great time. He said they get their rocks off playing just as much. Howard thanked Billy and his assistant, Art, for coming in.
Gary came in and told Howard that they went out on a first date. He said they started talking about tequila and she said she could drink with the best of them. He said that the first one to puke loses. They went back to her apartment and they started making love. He said they were having sex and they finished. He said they were doing it a second time and he was behind her. He said they were both pretty loaded. Gary said he didn't think she was that loaded. He said she was kind of unresponsive though. He said it was sort of like a movement she was making and it was like a death rattle or something. He said it was just one jerky movement. Gary said he thought he knew what it was. He said it wasn't that noise, it just sort of spilled out. Howard said it's like the elephant in the new video tape that goes to the bathroom. Gary said it was kind of like that.
Gary said that the girl said she wanted to move to another bed so they did that. Gary said he glanced over and saw that she had vomited. He said they moved to the other bed and went to sleep. He said they did it again in the morning. He said they never said anything about it again. He said they went out for like a month or two. He said he joked about it and she looked at him like it never happened.
Gary said he knows another guy who had the same thing happen to him. Gary said that he woke up and had to piece the whole thing together the next morning.
In the clip Howard talked about how angry Jackie seemed to be over the whole thing. Jackie said he wasn't upset at all and he's not sure why he thinks he was. Howard said he's left the whole thing in Jackie's hands. Jackie said it was in John Lolas' hands. Howard said Jackie is the head of the writing team though. Howard said Jackie can head up the writing team. He said he can handle that. Jackie said they keep making decisions on things and Howard has to be there. Howard told Jackie to just do it. He figured the special was going to be a mess though. Howard said maybe today they'll have some decisions made.
Robin ended up doing her Jackie impression and goofed on him about the yay or nay thing he was talking about with Howard.
Gary And Stuttering John's Bahama's Trip Discussion. 10/20/03. 7:20am
After the break Howard had some pretty intense music playing out of the commercial. That led to Artie doing his Rush Limbaugh impression again as Fred played the theme from ''2001 A Space Odyssey.''
Howard said that tomorrow they're having Carrot Top on the show. He wondered why they're doing that so Gary gave him a quick reminder. Gary told him that there were a couple of things they wanted to talk to him about. Howard said in that Bill Hicks book there's a story about Bill never being able to win the American Comedy Awards. On the day Hicks died they had the comedy awards and Carrot Top ended up winning. Howard said that made him even more depressed when he read that. Hicks had hoped to win the award because he was sick but it didn't happen.
Howard brought up Gary and Stuttering John's trip to the Bahamas to do an appearance. Howard said Gary told him that he had a good time down there and he and John had a healing weekend together. John said he really doesn't have any stories to tell about Gary. Howard went on to talk about how John forgot his passport when he went to the airport and had to have his wife drive it down to him. John said he didn't forget it, he thought that they didn't need it. Howard asked him how he could be so stupid with something like that. He said he'd be so pissed off if he did that to him. Gary said that he wasn't sure if they needed a passport or not either so it wasn't surprising that John didn't think he needed it. Howard went on to tell a story about Stuttering John gambling one time and how he was asking people at the table for money. He was trying to borrow money from strangers. John had some blackjack hands that he had to split. Howard complained about that for a short time and couldn't believe that he did stuff like that.
Howard said he thinks that John has been so brow beaten by Gary that he's afraid to talk about what went on down in the Bahamas. John said that he really didn't have much to report on. John did bring up some stuff that Gary and his wife were arguing about while they were down there. John said they couldn't talk about what that stuff was but Mary and Gary were arguing and Mary had him laughing his ass off.
Gary said that their E! show is huge down there in the Bahamas. He said the woman at the counter was a big fan and when he was leaving she told him to come back and ''bring the teeth'' next time. She thought that he wore special teeth on the E! show. He told her that those were the teeth and he doesn't wear anything else. He said that may have been the most embarrassing thing that's ever been said to him. He said the woman was very embarrassed after he told her that those were his real teeth.
John and Gary had to make speeches when they were down there. They shared some of the jokes that John does during his comedy act. Gary said that his act just goes on and on about him and it's amazing how much material he has on him. John also talked about how bad the band was that played at this event they were at for Bally Total Fitness. John said that he actually lost more money than he made going down to this event. Gary said John made more money than he's saying he did. John said he had a lot of other costs when he was down there though. He said he had some charges on his hotel room that he had to pay for.
Howard goofed on Gary a little bit about how his wife treats him when they're together. Gary said at one point during the weekend he gave his wife his sunglasses to hold on to them. He said the next day he asked her for them but she said she didn't have them. He asked her to look in her purse and she couldn't find them. Then she checked a little while later and found them. John told Howard about Gary going on the water slide out there at the place they stayed at. He also said that Gary ended up arguing about getting charged for 7 massages at the hotel. Gary said it's this big scam where they put this stuff on and then want to sell it to you for $49. He also said they charged him for 7 spa treatments and it would have been like $900.
Stuttering John said that Gary is still a chocoholic. He said he's on this diet but he's still eating a ton of chocolate stuff. He was eating peanut M&M's and Twix bars when they went on their trip. Howard asked Gary if there was any hint of getting a ''happy ending'' from the massage therapist down there in the Bahamas. Gary said nothing like that would have happened in his but Stuttering John said he had a woman banging her hand up against his private parts while he was getting his. Howard said he doesn't even get massages anymore because he's never even been offered a happy ending. Gary told Howard about Chaunce Hayden and how he goes to get massages from this woman every week and nothing ever happens. Then he recently went in to get a massage and he was really stressed out. The woman had him turn over and gave him a happy ending. She told him she could tell that he was very stressed out and wanted to help. Howard said he never gets a response like that. Artie told him about how he got one up in Toronto one time and the woman was so good at it that there was nothing sexual about it. He said it was like being on an assembly line. He said he'd go and get an Eclair from a place right nearby and he really enjoyed all of that stuff.
Howard told the guys about a fantasy he has about a massage therapist getting topless and then offering to give him a happy ending. Nothing like that ever happens though. Gary said that he went to a place where the guy ahead of him had a happy ending but he didn't get one. He said the guy told him what happened. KC came in and said that he's had massages from guys before. Howard said he would never let a guy give him a massage. He said he won't even let his girlfriend get a massage from a guy. He said that KC has to be gay. Stuttering John and Gary were saying that he must be gay too. Howard said if he was the President of the United States, there would be no male masseuses at all.
Artie said he ordered a massage out in San Francisco one time and a guy showed up at his door with his table. Artie said he asked the guy if he had to even say anything to him. They made eye contact and the guy just left. Stuttering John asked KC if the guy who massaged him did his inner thighs. KC said nothing like that happened at all.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to tell Howard about his happy ending massage. He said he was going to this woman for 5 years before this one time that she gave him a happy ending. He said there was no towel on the table at the time and that's how he knew something was going to happen. He said he wasn't expecting it at the time so he wasn't aroused. He said then all of a sudden she started doing it so he tried to enjoy it. He said that it took like 5 minutes for her to finish him off. He said that she even cleaned him up and continued her massage. He said he wasn't sure what to pay her after that. He said she told him there was no extra amount for that but he threw her an extra $20. He said he doesn't know if he can go back to her now though. Howard wondered why he wouldn't go back. John said he'd go back to her every day if she'd do that for him. Howard said he can't go to that chick now either because it would be like he's going there just for that. He said he needs to have it happen spontaneously. Howard said he doesn't have five years to put in either so he needs something to happen quicker. Chaunce told Howard that this chick is like a model as well. He said she's like 5'10'' tall and weighs about 120 pounds. The guys also wondered why Chaunce doesn't ask her out. He said that would just ruin it for him.
Howard claims that he can control his erection when he's getting a massage. John said that he has pitched a tent while getting a massage and they say it's a normal thing. Howard said he's very respectful and doesn't let it get to that point. John asked Robin if she would get mad at Mr. X if he got a happy ending. Robin said she's pretty sure that he wouldn't tell her if something like that happened. John said he has friends who say that a happy ending is not cheating. Howard said women will break up with you if you're dating more than one woman so of course they're going to leave you if you get a happy ending.
A couple of listeners called in and told some stories about happy endings. One guy said his girlfriend set him up one time to see if he would do anything like that. He ended up getting caught but Howard told him that it's best he got out of that relationship. He had to take another break shortly after that.
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Maria Returns. 10/20/97. 7:05am
The nutty woman who called in during the news last Friday was on the phone again today. She was just as wacky as last week. She still thinks that Robert Redford and Robert Urich are out to kill her. This time her husband was home so Howard got the chance to speak to him. But before that Howard had Fred call in as Robert Redford to try and straighten the woman out. No luck there. The husband talked about her a little bit. He revealed that they have 4 daughters and that they've been married for 35 years. He said that the dilutions started about 29 years ago! He still sticks with her though. He said that she was pretty good looking when they got married and they've both been faithful to each other so he sticks with her. Howard invited her to come down to the station so we should be hearing from her in the near future. Howard told Maria that they'd have Robert Redford down to meet her.. He later said that maybe they'd put a paper bag over Fred's head and call him Robert Redford.
In this clip Fred the Elephant Boy came in and Howard asked where he got his hickey. Fred said he got it from his girlfriend Jolene.
Howard said it turns out that Elephant Boy had some pictures taken and he was with a rubber vagina in the pictures. Elephant Boy said he didn't know the other girl and he didn't know who her past partners were so he didn't want to be with her. Howard asked how he ended up with a rubber vagina. Elephant Boy tried explaining it but Howard didn't understand what was going on.
Gary came in and said that Captain Janks just got there. Howard said that's why Elephant Boy is there. He got into a fight with Janks. Elephant Boy said he was ready to pop him. Howard said Elephant Boy ended up going to a sex shop and got the rubber private part. He picked up something for the girl too. Howard asked why they got pictures of him with it. Elephant Boy said he doesn't remember when she took it or why. Howard asked if he's naked in them. Elephant Boy said he's just about naked.
Elephant Boy said he was doing the rubber thing while the other girl was getting herself off. He said she had big breasts like a 38-DD. Jackie said he didn't get it and wanted Howard to paint the picture for him. Howard explained how one girl was bi-sexual and Elephant Boy didn't know where she had been so he didn't want to be with her. He bought a thing for her to use on herself and he worked on the other girl. Robin said that's wrong. She said that he was working on himself while the other girl was doing her thing and the girlfriend was taking pictures. Elephant Boy said she wasn't capable of performing. Howard said she was on her period.
Howard said he'll get his hands on those pictures to see what was going on. Howard said he must be pretty well endowed if he's not that worried about it. Elephant Boy mumbled something that Howard didn't understand.
Howard said Captain Janks got upset about Elephant Boy doing an interview with Ratso. Janks got bored and ended up prank calling Elephant Boy's mother and Elephant Boy flipped out.
Howard asked Gary to bring in Janks. Elephant Boy said he's really pissed at him. Howard said that it's funny that Janks can speak normally and he doesn't get the action Elephant Boy does. Howard said he has a speech impediment and he gets more than Janks. Janks tried to touch Fred the Elephant Boy and Fred pulled away. Fred said that he's pissed at him. Fred said it's one thing to be Captain Janks to people in the media but when he talks to his mother that's personal. He said maybe he had too much to drink or too much to smoke.
Janks said that Fred was being interviewed and he called his mom. Fred said he asked her if she had any doody stories about him. Janks said he had too much to drink that day and he's been a good friend to Fred all this time. He said he was sorry about that. Elephant Boy said that he'd be okay with it if he did it to him and not to his mother. Elephant Boy said he thinks that Janks can only be Captain Janks and he can't just be Tom.
Howard said he thinks that Elephant Boy is serious and Janks doesn't believe it. Elephant Boy said he should be more forceful. Robin started laughing at what he was saying. Fred said this is just going to be an excuse for the next stupid thing he does.
Janks said that he just asked Fred's mother some questions. He said he's never done anything like that before. Fred said that she was very upset about what he was asking her. He doesn't want him around anymore. Janks said he has pictures of Fred with his arms around his mother. He said he hits on her. Howard said he can understand why Fred is mad. Janks said he realizes he's wrong and he apologized to him. Fred said he wants people to see what an a-hole he really is. Janks said he's been such a good friend to him.
Howard asked if Fred is done with Janks. Fred said that he's done. He said that the Wack Pack ceases to exist. Howard said he doesn't really have that power. Fred said he's done with Janks. Janks said that he was on the phone with him the other day and he was fine. Fred said he just wanted to get rid of him.
Fred said he's not into the same things that Janks is into. He said he doesn't smoke pot like he does. Janks said he doesn't smoke pot and he can get into some stuff if he wants to. Jackie started laughing at the two of them arguing. Elephant Boy was saying things that were very hard to understand and Jackie just started laughing.
Howard explained what the Wack Pack is and how they formed this little group. Janks and Elephant Boy are part of that group. Elephant Boy said he can't stay friends with Janks because he might get drunk and do something stupid again. Janks said he really doesn't understand this. He said he's been good to Fred. Janks apologized to him and asked if he will ever play with him again. Fred said he's not going to.
Howard asked Janks if he taped his call to Fred. Janks said he actually did because he knew he was going to do this. Howard asked how he can stay friends if he's going to do things like this. Janks said that he apologized and Fred said he was okay. Fred said he thinks that he has to teach him a lesson by not staying friends with him.
Howard asked if Janks had a new call for them to play. Janks said he did. Howard said he would play that and then take a break. Fred said he was going to leave. He's going out into the hall and he will be Fred instead of Elephant Boy out there. Janks asked him to go out to dinner with him. Fred said he's going to be busy. He said he will be friendly toward Janks but he's not going to hang out with him. Robin said her ears were ringing from this discussion. Howard let the two of them talk for a few more minutes and then wrapped up and went to break.
In the clip Howard was talking about a list of most powerful people in Hollywood He didn't understand some of the people in the top 20. Howard read about this guy he went to college with. Howard said Ted Harbert is number 17 and that's a joke. Howard said he's not even on the list.
Howard said Gilbert has never been on that list. He said Gilbert doesn't care though. Howard said he didn't even see Ivan Reitman on that list. He said that's impossible. Robin asked where Brad Pitt was. Howard didn't know. Howard said he didn't even see Ron Howard on that list. He said all of the big guys aren't on the list but Ted Harbert is.
Howard had Robin get to her news. He said Gilbert is going to sit in for that. Howard said that Wood Yi will also be coming in during the news. Howard said maybe Gilbert will do some funny stuff too. Howard said he wanted to see how funny he was. He said he hasn't laughed yet.
Howard asked Gilbert to do some of those kike jokes. Gilbert was acting like he was telling the little Kike to perform for him. Howard said Gilbert is very racy today. Howard asked if he's going to do other ethnic humor. Gilbert said he leaves the nig*er jokes to Jackie. Howard said he's sure they don't talk like this on Mix 105. Howard imagined what that would sound like if they had Gilbert on and he started throwing the word kike around.
Gilbert told Howard about being in a new Cheerios commercial. Howard asked how he got that gig. Gilbert said they called him. Howard said he can take him for 10 seconds but a whole movie he couldn't take it. he's also in the Aladdin movies. Howard asked if he gets to work with Robin Williams. Gilbert said he hasn't worked directly with him. He just reads his lines. Howard said he wants him to come over and do that voice for his kids. Howard said he bets if he paid him enough he'd do it.
Howard asked what he does in this Cheerios commercial. Gilbert said he just yells out a line ''Hey, these things are louder than me.''
Robin got to her news and read some stuff about Robert Morton saying that he's not leaving Letterman's show to go to Saturday Night Live. That led to Howard asking Gilbert about the year he was on SNL. Howard said it was the worst season ever. Howard said Gilbert killed the whole show. Howard said he was also on the Alan Thicke show. He played himself on the catwalk. Gilbert did his impression of Thicke. Howard asked what he would do on that show. Gilbert said that they eventually had him come down out of the catwalk.
Howard had Robin read some more news. Robin read about a prison riot in Alabama. That led to Howard and Gilbert doing their black guy voices for a short time.
Robin read some news about the Million Man March and the estimates of the number of people who may have actually shown up. Robin said the numbers vary from 400,000 to 1.5 million. That led to Gilbert doing more of his black voice and talking to Howard about Louis Farrakhan's speech.
Howard took a break and when they came back Howard said he was asking Gilbert if he was nervous when he started doing comedy. Gilbert said he was too stupid to know if he was bombing or not. He was only 15. Howard asked where it was. Gilbert said it was in the Village and they had no set or anything. He said he doesn't remember if anyone was laughing. Howard asked who his hero is, Richard Pryor? Howard said Gilbert looks kind of like him. Like he looks now. Howard said he's still a mess.
Howard asked Robin to get to some more news. Robin read about OJ Simpson being down in Florida playing golf. Howard said everyone is upset that he's not in jail for killing people. Howard said it would be good if he killed again so they could get the whole crew back together. Howard said it could be a reunion.
Robin said there's a new OJ game that's out now. She said it's called Squeezing the Juice. Gilbert said he has one about him called ''Squeezing the Jew.'' Robin said the guy who created the game says that this is a way that people who are upset about him not being convicted to try and get him convicted.
Robin read about Judge Lance Ito's step-son being in trouble with the law. Robin read the details of that. Ito claims that he had nothing to do with raising the child.
Robin read about Clint Eastwood winning a case against a tabloid that claimed they had an exclusive interview with him. He won $150,000.
Robin read through a few more stories and Gilbert somehow stayed quiet. Gary came in a short time later and said that Wood Yi was there so they could talk to him if he wanted. Howard had him bring him in. Steve the Engineer plays Wood Yi who sounds kind of like Woody Allen. Howard asked Wood Yi what he was going to be doing on Letterman tonight and if he was going to bring Soon Yi with him. Wood Yi had some lines that Jackie wrote for him that he read when Howard would ask questions. He had Jackie and Gilbert cracking up laughing. Howard spent a couple of minutes with him and then let him go.
Robin read through some more news stories. Howard and Gilbert commented on some of those stories. Gilbert had calmed down a bit since the start of the news. Robin wrapped up and asked if there was a new Saturday Night Live this week. Howard said Lorne Michaels has continued to do just as good as ever. He said that USA Up All Night is just as entertaining. Howard said the guy is really out of touch. He said that if he ever gets that unfunny just tell him and he'll leave.
Time To Play The Butt Buffet. 10/20/99. 7:40am
Howard had a couple of women who wanted to win some plastic surgery. He invited them in but they had to agree to do something to win the surgery. They'd have to eat carrots out of various Wack Pack member's asses. Howard had both of the women come in so he could talk to them for a few minutes. First up was a 23 year old black woman by the name of Jasmine. She told Howard that she needs liposuction on her big ass. Howard checked it out and said it was really big and said she may just need to work out a bit to get rid of it. Jasmine said that she's worked out, dieted and taken drugs under the supervision of a doctor and she just can't get rid of it. She said it runs in her family. A female listener called in and said she had the same problem as Jasmine and she just started jogging and noticed a big difference. Jasmine said when she does that her legs get too muscular. Eventually Howard moved on to Heather, a 20 year old white girl who has a 1 year old son. Howard started digging into her fascinating background and found out some interesting info. Heather dropped out of school to help support her mother and father because her mother has a bad back. She got pregnant and had the kid because she thought her boyfriend, Caesar, was into having a kid. After he was born Caesar was gone. Now she works at a pharmacy while her mother watches her son. Howard kept telling her that her mother is raising her son but she didn't want to agree with that. She argued with him for quite a while but eventually agreed with him. She told Howard she wants her son to grow up to be an actor. Howard pretty much begged her not to do that to her son because more than likely it'll screw him up mentally. Howard spent about a half hour talking to Heather about her wacky life and finally got around to asking to see her A-cup sized breasts. She said she'd like implants to give her self confidence. She has stretch marks that she doesn't like also. Gary said the stretch marks weren't that bad. She's got a bad tattoo though. Since Howard had spent so much time talking to Heather he had to take a commercial break before having the girls eat the carrots.
After the break Howard came back with the Wack Packers who would be holding the carrots in their asses. High Pitch Eric, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Beetlejuice, Vin the Retard and a porn actress by the name of Shelly Jones were all set to play the game. Howard had a Wheel-of-Fortune-type wheel set up so they could spin it to see which Wack Pack member would the lucky carrot holder. Howard introduced each wack pack member and spoke to them for a minute. High Pitch Eric still can't pick up women and his voice is still just as high pitched as ever. Shelly Jones told Howard that she was on the cover of the August 1995 Playboy magazine. She also just filmed a porno for Vivid Video. Beetlejuice the dwarf rambled on about his new ''Beetlejuice'' tattoo. Howard said Beetlejuice also does porno and apparently he has a big penis. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach made his return to the show and tried to be a little wacky but he couldn't quite match Beetlejuice's wackiness. Last but not least Vin the Retard. Vin is back in stand-up comedy so Howard had him do a little bit of his act. Unfortunately he was unintelligible through most of his joke. He's usually pretty understandable but not today. Howard finally had all of them put carrots in the crack of their ass so the women could play some Butt Buffet. High Pitch Eric got naked and Howard said he looked really disgusting. Heather volunteered to go first to get it out of the way. She spun the wheel and came up with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Ken yelled out ''Come eat my carrot!'' so off she went. There was disgust and laughter all at the same time. Jackie was gagging in the background as Heather pulled the carrot from Ken's ass and ate it. Howard told her she got her wish of implants. Jasmine went next and her first spin got Kenneth Keith. Howard had her spin a second time. She got High Pitch Eric! Eric was thrilled. Howard said Eric was the most vile of them all. Jasmine went over and got her carrot. There was a lot of Ohhh's and Ughh's from the crew. Everyone was disgusted. Jasmine did her deed and won her liposuction. Heather then asked if she could do it again for some liposuction on top of her implants. Howard told her only if she ate it out of Beetlejuice's ass. She went for it and ate another carrot. Beetlejuice loved it also.
Today's ''This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:40am.