|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Revelation Number 7. 01/17/06. 7:05am
After the break Howard got back to the number 7 revelation... ''I have Pleasured Myself with Meat and Vegetables.'' He thought about playing Bubba the Love Sponge's call to Warren Sapp but didn't want to catch shit from the fans about not doing the revelations.
Howard mentioned that they're going to have Adrianne Curry in to promote her new show. He took a call from Joey Boots who said that he was kind of disappointed in the show yesterday. He was sounded very inebriated so Howard told him to call back when he's not drunk. Boots was slurring his words and complaining about the way the show ran yesterday. Howard told him that it's his show and he runs it the way he wants to. Boots was upset that if he promoted it to do them on one day, he should have done them all on the same day. Howard hung up on him and moved on.
Lisa G from Howard 100 News came in and gave them an update on what they have coming up today. She said they'll have the rest of the revelations, Benjy going to try out for ''The Biggest Loser''... Bob Levy said ''He won!'' Lisa said they'll also be running the interview with George Takei's partner. Levy said that he'd like to bang Lisa but she wasn't interested.
Howard asked the person who belonged to the revelation about the meat and vegetables to step forward. Robin fessed up to it and said she wasn't going to talk about it if the plastic surgery story is still in there. She wants to hear about that before she'll talk about the meat and vegetables. She said that the plastic surgery thing isn't intriguing at all. Howard said that she doesn't know whose that is yet and what level it's going to.
Howard told Robin that she has to stand up and talk about her revelation just like everyone else has done or she has to leave the studio. The two of them argued about that for a minute. Howard asked her what kind of meat she used. Robin said that it's not even true so she could try and get out of talking about it.
Artie said that he'd like to hear the story but so far there's only been two good ones, the abortion and the cheating. Other than that he doesn't like any of them. Artie said that he's going to be carrying the show with his revelation so she'd better start talking.
Robin said that she was a young girl and she would wake up in the middle of the night so horny that she would use meat and vegetables. Howard said that Robin has always talked about how sexual she is. She continued on and said that she was so horny at 19 or so that she'd be on fire. She had to relieve it somehow. She said she'd look at things like bottles and anything else she could put in there. She eventually went into the refrigerator and found a cucumber to use. She said that it was a little too ''girthy'' for her so she went and found frozen hot dogs which were too small. She said she did try them out though. She eventually found some nice sausage and used that.
Howard asked if she put it back after using it. Robin said ''Hell no!'' and explained how she would throw the stuff out and had to try and hide it so no one would know. She had to satisfy her itch though and used whatever she could. She also said that she would lay on her back when she did it. She would always feel disgusted with herself after doing it, just like Howard does after he pleasures himself.
These days Robin has toys to take care of that stuff so she doesn't have to use meat. Howard asked if she's ever put anything up her ass. She said that nothing has gone up there. She said she used to make several trips to the refrigerator as she was trying stuff out and had to stay quiet so she wouldn't wake anyone.
Howard asked Robin about how big the sausage was. She said that it was pretty big, like a bratwurst or something like that. She said that sometimes she would wear through the casing and the spices would come out. Howard said that Robin has even told him that some furniture is sexy to her. She said that the stuff she uses has to be soft and pliable. She's never had anything get caught in there as she's been doing it. Howard thought that she could lose some stuff in there but she told him he doesn't know the female anatomy very well.
Howard asked Artie for a rating on that revelation. He gave her a 6 and said if it had been a dude, it would have been a 9. Robin said she was embarrassed by this so it was more than a 6 to her. Howard gave her a 4 because she had revealed some worse stuff in the past. Gary gave her a 4 or 5 because it wasn't all that great. Gary told Howard that Adrianne Curry was there and she looked really hot. Howard was going to take a break and get to her. He said he'd get to the rest of the revelations later on.
Fred said he thinks that Robin's revelation will live on for years to come. He said it's bigger than Richard's story about paying for an abortion. Robin demanded that she get a 10 for her story since it was better than Richard's.
Josette told Howard she was a groupie for some bands like Led Zeppelin. Howard said that now she's trying to be his groupie. Howard asked how she got in bed with Robert Plant and Jimmy Paige. She said that she was at a Jeff Beck concert. She said that she had sex with both of them at the same time. Josette told Howard that he's hot too. Howard took his glasses off for her and showed her his blue eyes. Josette said that turned her on. Howard had two other girls in the room and one of them said that she wasn't turned on so Howard said she's not hired.
Howard found out that Josette was 15 at the time and she lost her virginity to Plant and Paige. Howard told her that Robin's first experience was with Jimi Hendrix. Howard asked how many men she's had end to end at once. Josette said it was just two. Howard asked if they knew she was 15. She said they didn't know. Josette said that he was happy when she did tell him.
Howard asked more questions about Josette being with the Zeppelin guys and sang some of their songs while he was talking to her about that.
Howard got all of the details about who went first and who had the bigger penis. Josette said that Robert had a big one. She said that Jimmy is average. Howard asked if it was a good experience. She said that it was. Josette said that they didn't do anything together. Howard said he thinks that it's kind of gay when two guys are in the same room. Gary said that they need some kind of variation when they're getting that much sex. He said he read the book ''Hammer of the Gods'' and learned that.
Howard asked what happened next. She said that she just went home after that. Josette said she told her mom what had happened. She said that she wasn't really okay with that but she figured that if she didn't let her do it then she might run away.
Howard said maybe the mom was doing the rest of the band. Howard asked if she saw them more after that. She said that she followed them on tour. She said she still sees them when they come around. Howard asked if she knows other rock stars she can call. She said most of them are in London so they call her when they're in town. They went to break a short time later.
Pat told Howard about the way they set things up with him and how he promised to call the show. He said the subject of the show was ''fathers and sons'' and he knew that something was going to be up. He said he knew that he wanted to keep his cool and now blow it. He said he knows his son set him up though.
Howard said that Pat's son came down there this morning when he heard that he had showed up. Howard said they didn't set this up though, he just came down on his own. Pat said he wanted to finish his story first.
Pat went on to tell Howard about how they had him on Geraldo's show and his son said that he had abandoned him. Pat said that he paid support to the kid for 21 years. Pat said they probably wanted him to hang up too. He said that they asked a few other guys to come on the show and they didn't show up. Pat said he was the only one to show up.
Pat told Howard he didn't know why he was being attacked. He said he didn't appreciate him saying that he abandoned him. He said that would mean that he didn't support him. He said he paid support to his son for 21 years. He didn't abandon anyone. Pat said he gave his son a chance to speak on the show too and he wasn't keeping him from talking.
Howard wanted to have Pat's son come in but Pat wasn't sure what to do. Howard told him to sit down. Gary told Howard that he just showed up this morning and they didn't set this up at all. Howard said if he doesn't want to see his son, they won't do this. Howard said that maybe they can get an explanation this morning about what went on at Geraldo. Howard said that he'll get to the bottom of this.
After an edited out break Howard came back with Pat and his son Michael Caputo. Howard said he had to go with Pat on this story though. He said that it sounds to him that his dad was set up. Howard talked to Michael about the internship thing at Geraldo and when that happened. They spent a couple of minutes going over that. Michael said he got the job without them knowing who his father was. Michael told Howard that he felt that this segment would fit him and his father. He said that they had a couple of other sons that they were going to have on the show too. He said that his was the only one that wasn't a paternity suit.
Howard asked Michael what happened. Michael told Howard the details about his relationship with his father and things like that. Michael told Howard that he had given Pat the chance to vent over thirty years but he always brings up the same stuff and he goes off on his grandmother and his sister and that's not what he wants to hear.
Pat said that he doesn't think that he saw his son 10 times in 30 years. Michael started to get into it more with his father and it was starting to get ugly. He was going off on his father. Howard calmed them down and tried talking to them about what their problems are.
Pat and Michael started to argue again about what went on during the Geraldo thing. Pat said that what hurts him is the way he put him in that situation. Howard said he should have told him about what the show was about. Michael said he did tell his dad what it was about.
Howard had Pat and Michael going back and forth for a few minutes about what went on with the Geraldo show and all of that. Pat and Michael were arguing with each other about what was said on the show. The two were getting louder and louder as the interview went on.
Howard said he can see why Pat was bringing this up at dinner all the time. He was trying to open up a dialog with the family. Pat said he can't open a dialog because they don't listen. They kept arguing back and forth about why Pat turned his back on the family and things like that.
Howard said he just heard that they hired Pat and Mike to do a show from 6-10 on the weekends. Robin said that she doesn't know if they could ever make this work. Pat said he doesn't think he could make it work either. He said that he's just going to say goodbye to him now. Mike told him to go home to his make believe family in Vegas. Pat said that's his wife and daughter that he's knocking. Mike said that Pat is the vindictive one and he's the one who knocks the family all the time. Pat said that he'll knock who he wants to knock. Howard said the two of them can knock each other. Both of them were saying that the other was out of line.
Howard said he doesn't know what he can do to help here. Robin said they need counseling. She said that it's a mess. Howard said that they had to take a break after that. Robin said she was hurt by all of this. Mike said that Pat never asked his permission to speak about him when he did interviews. Howard said he's going to ask Pat about that after taking a break.
After an edited out break we heard Howard said that Pat didn't abandon the family. He said that he won't get a Father of the Year award but he didn't abandon them. Howard said that Michael told him before the break that he doesn't have to explain to his father about shows he's doing. Howard said Pat has a beef with that. Pat was starting to get loud again and Howard tried to give them some advice. He went over what they had just talked about and had the two of them calm down a little bit. Pat basically said he was done with the whole thing now.
Howard took some calls from some people to ask what they think. He took a vote on whether or not they should get back together. Howard took a bunch of calls and then read some faxes about their arguments. Howard wanted them to come back in 6 weeks to talk about this again. He said they'll see how they're doing then. They continued to argue for a few more minutes after that. Howard said he had to make rules and told them to stay away from one another there in the city. Howard was wrapping up when Pat just walked out. Michael stuck around for a couple more minutes. They went to break after that.
Who Would You Let Your Daughter Date? 1/17/01. 8:40am
Gary had a game for Howard to play today. He had a bunch of famous athletes who have been accused of committing crimes or just being abusive. He'd give Howard two names and Howard would pick one of them for his daughter to date. Then he'd take the winning names and put those up against the other winning names until he came down to one final name. Here are the names Gary gave:
KC came in and asked if Howard would pick him or Benjy for his daughter. He went with KC but when it was between KC and Jackie, he went back to Jackie because he wouldn't want KC pissing or crapping on his daughter like he did to his own girlfriend. That led to a discussion about ''ass play'' or anal sex as most would call it. They spent a couple of minutes discussing that mess and why Gary's wife doesn't let him do it any more. Stuttering John revealed that Gary's wife goofs on him when they go out to dinner. She makes fun of him when he tells his stories and stuff like that. Howard said that just isn't right. He takes enough abuse at work, he doesn't need it at home too.
They got back to 'who would you let...'' when someone asked Howard ''Crazy Cabbie or Ralph?'' Howard said he'd go with Ralph on that one. Then it was between Gary's friend Ross or Ralph. Howard went with Ross. KC asked if Howard would rather have his daughter be a lesbian than sleep with any of these guys. Howard said he would prefer that so then it came down between Rosie O'Donnell and Oprah Winfrey. Oprah won out on that one. Howard said he's heard too many bad things about Rosie.
Howard had one last complication in the questioning. When he was asked to pick between Ross and Jackie he said he'd pick Ross but if he had to choose between Ross and Gary he'd go with Gary.. but then he wouldn't take Gary over Jackie. It was all too confusing for Howard so he gave up and went to commercial.
Howard said he figures that the guy who is going to die first on the show is him. Robin figured it would be Gary. Howard said that Gary would be the least missed. He said he's not sure he'd even go to the funeral. Howard said Fred looks genetically inferior so he'd probably go first. Howard said Fred has gotten sick before and he used to latch on to one of them on the weekends. He said that Fred takes on a friendship with intense verve. He said Gary had to pick up on that after he wasn't able to spend time with him. Howard played Fred's theme song which was ''He's a man from Mars...''
Howard said he had to dump Fred when he had kids. Robin said they had no one to put him off on when they were in Washington. When they moved to New York his family wasn't too far away. Robin said that Fred would go to visit his parents every weekend when they started in New York. Howard said that he goes to visit them a lot.
Howard told some stories about taking Fred out to eat and taking him in when they had a snow storm. Howard said that Fred just refused to leave even when the snow was gone. He said that it was really weird because Fred just latches on to people.
Gary told a story about going out to California with Fred once. Fred takes really good care of his cars and he had this Thunderbird that was a special edition. Howard said Fred is all about the car stuff. He said that his father has a lot to do with that too. Howard said that Fred thinks that his father can build things better than other people can.
Gary said he and Fred went to California for a week and he didn't want to leave his car in the driveway in Queens. He said he told Fred he could leave it at his parent's house. He said that Fred stopped in at his parent's house and he stayed until 4:30 in the morning. Howard said that's because Fred won't leave. Gary said his parents didn't mind it though. They enjoyed it.
Howard said Fred used to go up to his parent's house to help them with their lawn. He said he once went up there to chop wood. When he came back to work he had chest pains. Howard said Fred didn't want to call anyone about it. Howard said Fred didn't like to put money in the bank either so it was a problem going to the hospital. Howard said Fred was like a babe in the woods when he started working with them. Robin said that Fred didn't even know about ATMs. She said she had to help him out with that stuff once.
Howard said Fred was having this heart attack and he went over to Robin's place. Howard said that story is in Robin's book. She refused to open the door for him. He said that's a tease for her book.
Howard said the whole thing with Fred and his heart attack was weird. Howard asked if he went to the hospital by himself. Robin said he did. Fred said he had a numb arm and everything. He said he knew he had over done it that weekend. Howard asked why he went to see Robin. He said that he thought he was going nuts and she would have told him that and told him to go home. Fred said that the pain came the next day, not the day that he had done the work.
Gary said that when he met Fred he doesn't think that he had sex for years from the time he met him for about 2 years. Gary said he felt so bad for him. Howard said he used to think Fred was a homo. He said he once asked Fred to share a hotel room with him. He said that in those days Fred smelled like coffee. He had really stinky breath. Fred said he still does. Howard said his dad drinks a lot too.
Robin said that Fred had one girl who hung around with him a lot. She said that the girl would say that they just spent time taking all the time.
Howard said Fred was in the hotel room with him that time and he got changed really fast. He said that he jumped into the bed really fast too. He said he wondered what Fred's story was at the time. Fred said he got the vibe from Howard that he was slightly homo. Howard said Fred is insane.
Howard said Fred was tested that night and it turns out he wasn't homo. Jackie asked if they were in the same bed. Howard said they were in separate beds. Howard said he would rather bunk with Robin though. Howard played out the Fred segment with Fred's theme song again. Jackie was laughing the whole time so Howard and Gary were cracking up at that. Jackie said he was trying not to laugh because he didn't want the attention turned on him.
Gary said Fred used to go to a deli to get food and he spent a lot of time talking to her. He said that it was like his girlfriend that he didn't really date. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked the guys about their dreadlocks and how they make that happen. Howard said he imagines that they smell bad. The guys said that they have to wash their hair so it doesn't smell bad. Howard said he had Vance Silk in there with Mel.
Howard said that he thinks this whole Fred James Brown thing is out of line. He said he's interviewed James twice already though.
Howard went to a break and came back with Melle Mel and Vance. Howard said Vance didn't look so happy this morning. Mel said that he had to get up early this morning. Howard said that he shouldn't worry because this is ''real'' radio and not like that other station they were on.
Mel and Vance told Howard about this Free James Brown thing and why they're doing what they're doing. Howard didn't agree with them about their thoughts on why James Brown was in the situation he was in. Howard spent some time talking to the guys about what they drive. Mel said he has a Benz. Howard asked Vance what he's driving. Vance said he has a 75 Mercury Marquis and a 79 Reliant.
Howard asked the guys if they're getting girls. Howard figured they were getting white girls. Howard said even he can't get white women.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the guys about this James Brown thing and thought about calling someone at the place where Brown is being held to talk to them. Howard said that he actually has James Brown calling in to thank the guys for doing what they're doing.
After taking a break and coming back Howard talked to Mel about doing the Chaka Khan song. He asked if he got a cut of her sales. Mel said he didn't so Howard went off on her calling her a bitch. Howard said he deserved 50 percent of that. Howard and Robin were goofing around with that and making some jokes about a Nigerian guy who had won the lottery there. They were talking about what a great story that was.
Howard said that Mel and Vance were there to Free James Brown but he had to take another commercial break. Howard said he was going to get James on the phone so he can talk to the guys. Howard said James wears a lot of lotion or perfume.
Howard took another break and came back with Melle Mel and Vance. Howard said that he had James Brown on the phone. He picked up on James which was actually Fred making a bunch of grunting sounds. Howard hung up after just a few seconds of that. Howard said even he got fed up with that. He said James didn't have anything to say. Howard wondered if he had to take another break. Jackie told him to ask James. Fred came back in and did some more grunting. Howard said he wasn't sure what was going on with that impression.
Howard gave the guys some plugs for this Free James Brown movement they're involved with. They said that they'd be delivering any letters they got to James' lawyer. Howard said that if they get him out of jail then black people will love them.
Howard did some rapping about James before he wrapped up with the guys. Howard said he knows he's a rapping disaster. Howard said he's trying to get behind this whole movement but he doesn't get it. They spent a few more minutes discussing the story and why they're doing what they're doing.
Howard said he digs these guys. He said they're good guys. He talked to them for a few more minutes and gave them some more plugs. Howard had a song parody to play about James too. Howard read an article about what James goes through while he's in jail.
Howard took some phone calls and asked if anyone was writing letters to James Brown. One caller said he was so he spent a minute talking to that guy. Howard played a James Brown song parody and wrapped up with the guys a short time later.
Various Stuff. 1/17/02. 6:05am
Howard came back from a break and said that Vinnie Favale was telling stories about Stuttering John. The two of them were both in the studio and went at each other for about 15 minutes telling stories about each other. Vinnie said that John always insults him and John said the same thing about Vinnie. The argued until Booker T came in.
John told Howard that Vinnie actually told him that he should leave the show because he could do better. Vinnie said that John is like one of those guys who just wants people to look at him at parties and things. John said that he has reached out to Vinnie to try and be friendly to him and he has invited him to parties and stuff. Vinnie said he invited him to a 4th of July party and then he hounds you asking if you're coming. Howard said he's not sure why he does that. He knows what Vinnie is talking about. Vinnie said he told John that he wasn't going and he kept asking him to come. Howard said he hounds you into coming.
Vinnie said that John is the only guy who doesn't know when the show ends. He said he carries on even after the show is over.
John said that Vinnie told him that he did something ground breaking at Comedy Central and that's why he gets paid the money he gets paid. Vinnie said that John attacks people about stuff like this because he's protected in this glass house he lives in.
Vinnie was goofing on John about his interviews and how he doesn't write all of that stuff. Vinnie said he is funny on the show but off the show he's not. Vinnie said that he's gotten to know guys like KC off the air and he's a great guy. John is always on and he's always trying to do stand-up.
John said that Vinnie is always insulting him when he hangs out with him. Vinnie said that John is the guy who isn't funny. He said he'd like to see his stage show. He said he's like Howard-lite.
Gary said that he's not going to take sides here. He said that Vinnie and John fight when they have their meetings. He said that within a minute of them being in the room together John will make a fat joke. Vinnie said that no one else is laughing at his jokes. John said that he thinks Vinnie is a frustrated guy. Vinnie said he's really not.
John asked Vinnie what he does at CBS. Vinnie said he doesn't have to tell him what he does for a living. John asked what he did at Comedy Central that was so ground breaking. Vinnie didn't answer. John kept asking what he does at CBS over and over again but Vinnie wasn't answering. Vinnie asked what John does at Howard's show. John said he asked first. John told him that this is deflection and he's not answering.
Howard heard that John had a panic attack yesterday. Gary said he saw it and it was scary. He said that John holds his heart like Fred Sanford. Then he says he has to leave. John said that he's gone to the emergency room for this and they tell him that he's okay. He said that his heart rate is really low though. Howard said he had heard enough at that point.
Howard asked Fred what he gets paid to wear the hat he had on. He said that Fred had a strip club hat on. He said he's making all kinds of appearances and stuff now. Gary said that he was making an appearance up in Rochester, New York and Fred showed up. Howard said he heard that Fred calls the station asking them for stuff. Fred said he didn't do that. Howard heard he showed up with a bunch of people. Gary said he had about 10 people with him when he walked in. He said they had a VIP area set up and Fred brought them all in there. He said that one of the listeners said ''Fred has an entourage?'' like it was a big shock. Howard said that Fred is like the king of the dicks.
Gary said they had Fred quoted in the paper ratting someone out for being at Scores. Howard read the article and they said that this Nets basketball player was seen in Scores when he was supposed to be at practice. Howard read Fred's quote and tried doing his impression of him. Howard said he's had Fred come up to him and talk to him while he's trying to watch the girls at Scores. He said that the music is really loud and Fred is there trying to say something that he can't understand.
Howard talked about how Elephant Boy gets into these clubs by calling stations and asking. Gary told some stories about Fred and Fred was rambling about something that Howard didn't understand.
Howard asked Fred about the speech impediment he has and what he thinks that is. Fred said he thinks that it could be a minor form of Cerebral Palsey. He said that's what a doctor once told him.
Ralph came in and said that Fred was at the birthday show and he hopped on top of Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Howard said that's going to be on the E! show. Howard spent another couple of minutes talking to him about that. Ralph also asked him to bathe because he stinks. Howard said he shaves weird too.
Howard had a guy on the phone who says that he could help Fred out with his speech problems. He suggested some of the stuff they would do to help and Fred tried them. He was doing okay with that stuff so Howard said he'd have Fred take him up on the offer. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Lisa G's News Preview And Goofing On JD. 01/17/07. 7:55am
Lisa said that they have a Page 69 story about JD taking home some porn and going to a store and having the security alarm go off when he walked in. Security had to go through his bad and found the porn. Howard said this guy has the worst loser luck. He called him in there to find out what happened.
JD said he had some porn in his bag and went into a Barnes and Nobel and the alarm went off when he walked over to the DVD section. A security guard came over to him and asked to look through his bag. He had a bunch of porn movies in there and the security guy just went ''Whoa!'' when he saw them all. JD said he explained to the guy that he works on the Howard Stern Show and he got the videos there from the ''glom pile.''
Howard asked JD if he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing at the Stupid Bowl. JD said he was wearing the same clothes and he never went home last night. He said he had a lot of stuff to work on so he actually slept there at the studio. Howard said it's no wonder he can't talk. He said he had some tape of him trying to do some interviews out at the AVN awards and he could barely speak.
Howard played a clip of JD trying to do one of those AVN award interviews and he was having a major problem trying to get his thoughts out. The woman he was interviewing actually saved him and answered his question before he was done stumbling. Howard wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Robin said she was talking to JD about how he spent his Christmas and found out that his mother had run off to Hawaii with some guy she met on the internet at some point. JD didn't know she was going to bring that up on the air. He said he hasn't spoken to his mother in a few weeks but he claims he's not pissed off at her. He said he hasn't really seen her since he graduated from film school. He said he can't afford to go visit her in Hawaii and she can't really afford to fly back to New York.
Howard tried to figure out how the conversation may have gone between JD's mother and this Hawaiian guy. He wondered if the guy has one of those grass skirts. Robin laughed and JD thanked her for bringing all of this stuff up. He was being sarcastic of course. Robin said that she walked away from that conversation just thinking ''Oh my god... poor JD.'' Fred was playing some Don Ho music in the background as Howard was goofing on JD's mother and the Hawaiian guy. JD said he really doesn't think about the whole thing that much.
Howard read that JD's mother was a healer. JD said that's not true, she's an occupational therapist. Howard got back to the JD interview tape and went through a little more of that. He interviewed a black porn star and then went and interviewed some gay porn stars who were all over him. JD said that they were trying to pull down his pants and stuff. Howard played some of that and thought that was pretty crazy. The guy was unbuckling his belt as he was trying to interview them.
Howard took a call from JD's mom but it turned out to be Sal doing his Hawaiian guy impression while playing a porn clip. JD knew it was Sal. Howard got back to JD's Hawaii story and asked him more details about his long lost mother. He asked JD if he's told his mother he's banging Kimberly Kane. JD said he hasn't told her that. That eventually led to Howard and Artie saying that JD would probably turn into Curly from the Three Stooges if he showed up on his mother's doorstep in Hawaii. Fred started playing some Curly clips and Artie was doing his Curly impression during all of that. Howard thought JD was crying during that goof but JD said he was just laughing.
Howard played another JD clip where he talks to the gay guys about getting pissed on. The guy he was talking to said it was crazy but funny when the other guy started pissing on him. JD sounded more relaxed talking to that guy than he did with the female porn star he was talking to.
Howard thought it was weird that JD's mother doesn't come back to visit her family. JD said that she's not rich so she can't just fly around all the time. Howard said he'd pay for her to fly back if he wants. JD said that's not necessary, he's not looking for that. Howard asked him if he knows what this guy does for a living. JD said he thinks that he works with computers but he wasn't so sure about that.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a toy store using clips of JD talking dirty to a porn star. He got back to JD a short time later and continued to goof on him about his mother running off to Hawaii. Artie started doing more of his Curly impression and Fred played more of the Three Stooges clips. Howard wondered if JD had ever cried over it. JD claims he has never cried over the situation but Howard found that hard to believe. Artie asked him if it bugs him that he drinks Hawaiian Punch. JD said he likes that stuff to, it doesn't bother him.
JD said that he thinks his mother is going to try and move back to the mainland eventually. They may move to Florida or somewhere like that. That got Howard doing his impression of JD's mom telling him that she's moving to Florida and then JD doing the Curly from the Three Stooges thing. Artie got in on that goof again and helped Howard goof on him. Fred even got into it and did his impression of the Hawaiian guy. Howard said he had no idea this was going on. He said JD is an interesting cat. He said it was cool that he got laid over the weekend. He also said that it's no wonder JD likes chicks on the web because it runs in the family.
Howard got back to the porn story that JD was telling. JD said he thinks he had 4 or 5 pornos in his bag when he got busted by security. He said there were balls and tits on the side of the box the security guy found. He said he had enough porn in the bag to stretch it out a little bit. Howard let JD go a short time later but continued to goof on him as he was walking out. Fred played the Hawaiian music as Howard was talking about how gross it was that JD hadn't changed his clothes since the football game.
Lisa G wrapped up her news preview and said that maybe they'll give JD's mother a call and interview her. Howard told her to leave that up to him, he might be more sensitive than the news department. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he must be a total turn off. He said that the family was really nice to this Andrea and her parents loved him. Howard said that even they probably won't talk to him. He said that her mother loved him. He's not sure if she's still alive. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on there. Howard said even when he does call people they don't want to be his friend.
Howard read about some of the things one of the guys he knew talked about him doing. Howard said he tried to get in touch with this guy but he's had some trouble. Howard said that this guy thought he was cool too. Howard said the other guy must have been cool too. Howard said most of these people don't want anything to do with him now.
Gary came in and told some stories and that led to Howard talking about how he saw Gary's penis once. Gary didn't remember that but Howard said he definitely did. He said Gary has a nice size too. Howard said he used to hide his penis when he was in high school. He said he wouldn't even shower in school. Gary said they used to see guys like Howard and torment them if they didn't shower. Howard said he wouldn't shower so he'd comb his hair and it would be all matted down. He said he'd stink all day long. Howard said he had no penis so he couldn't take a shower. He said Robin was just shaking her head in there.
Howard said he thinks his kids have seen his penis but he tries to hide it from everyone. Howard said Fred must have something going on in his pants. Fred said he has a phobia about showing his. Fred isn't circumcised. Howard said that he's gross. He told him that he has to wipe. Fred said his wife doesn't mention it. He said she may have been weirded out by it in the beginning though. Howard said he looks like a clipped poodle. Fred said it looks like a bottle nosed dolphin actually.
Gary said that Fred told him about getting injured once. He said that he got ripped down there. Howard said he wished that he wasn't circumcised. He said that anything that makes it look longer would be nice. Robin said that it's just skin. Howard said anything would help. He said he really has nothing. He was robbed and he's tall so he should be huge.
Howard said no one noticed him in school. He said there were other guys who were like him though. He said he was able to switch out of his underpants to a jock strap in one move. Howard said that sometimes he wouldn't even wear the jock strap and he's just wear his underpants. Howard said he had to do that stuff. He said he'd even wear his gym clothes under his regular clothes. Jackie said that they used to hang out in the shower and sing songs. They'd get yelled at to go home. Gary said they used to do the same thing. Howard said he wasn't into sports like Gary was. His sport was smoking pot. Howard said he had to take a break and get into some news after that.
This Date in Howard History was over around Noon.
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about his long celebration of Martin Luther King day. He said he had a Martin Luther King party. He said they read his speeches and stuff like that. Howard said it was all white people at the party. He said he offered to have black people there but there were no takers. Howard said they watched The Jeffersons and sat there and stared at each other and talked about white guilt. Howard said he told stories about living in Roosevelt and how he got beaten up there the day Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. Howard said they also hid the Matzo.
Robin said there is a thing called the day of service on that day. Howard said he doesn't do that either. He said that's the day you go out and help someone. Robin said she was at the vet down in Philadelphia and there were people with pets and volunteers down there. Howard said that's interesting. He'll have to remember that for next year.
Robin said she took home Leroy Brown the cat from the vet down there. Howard said Robin's cat had a kidney transplant. Robin said that Leroy lived in a cage all his life so he's trying to get used to her house. She said she has him in a little room right now.
Howard said he likes having rescue cats. He said they have two now. Robin asked if they had trouble getting used to their surroundings. Howard said they did. Robin said she left the door to the carrier open and he stayed in the carrier. Howard said before she knows it the cat will be running around like a lunatic.
Howard said he's amazed at how pissed he gets at a game when he doesn't even watch football until this time of year. He said he was yelling at the players and he was all over the place. He said it disrupts his relationship with Beth. He said she loves that he's not into it usually. He said that the game turns Beth's stomach because her family was so into it.
Howard said Beth left the room because she doesn't watch the game. He said that Beth will be rooting for Pittsburgh though. He said that they will watch the game but she really doesn't give a shit about who wins or loses.
Robin said she was tweeting about football and people were getting upset with her. She said that she's a Johnny Come Lately. Howard said that annoys the shit out of people.
Howard said he had a Bart Scott interview but he has no idea who Bart Scott is. Gary came in to explain. Gary was all excited about the Jets win. He said that it was one of the best wins of their history. He said they played a great game. Gary told Howard who this guy Bart was and how he got worked up after the game. Howard played the audio and he was all worked up that they didn't believe in him. Howard said that Rex Ryan apparently gets them all worked up about this stuff. Gary said the visual is funny because his eyes are bugging out and there's stuff coming out of his mouth as he's yelling.
Howard played more of the audio and spent a couple of minutes on that. Howard said this is a good lesson to his guys. He said he wants to hear his guys all tweaked up like this guy. He said that's the way they should be acting back there.
Howard said he'd like to be more like this guy. He went into an impression like Bart and said that people thought they'd be done after K-Rock and they're still going.
Gary said that he got some notes from some guy at the Jets and he said that he's a big fan of the show. Gary said that the guy was wondering about what he and Jon Hein would be betting on. Howard asked Gary a few questions about who is going to be playing who now. He was coming into this a little late so he had to ask Gary about it.
Howard said he watched the game himself for a little while. He said that they had dinner after that. He said he kept the game on during dinner but then he had to pause it so he didn't miss anything. Howard said he had to rush through dinner so he could get back to the game.
Howard said he's trying to decide if he should get the Droid. He said he wants to get the Droid 2 Global with the built in keyboard. He said that the keyboard isn't that great according to Jon Hein. Howard said he started messing with Jon's phone and he doesn't have BBM on there so he's not sure he wants to do that. Howard said he's not sure what to do. He's bored with is Blackberry.
Gary came in and showed Howard his Droid 2 Global. Gary said he wanted a keyboard with a big screen and that's the one they gave him. Gary said he hasn't had a chance to use it much. He said that it is a Verizon phone though.
Gary said he has a problem getting Lotus Notes on his phone. He said Jason had no problem getting it on his but he's having trouble with his. Howard asked if he likes it better than a Blackberry. Gary said he likes the keys on a Blackberry. He said the keys on this thing are kind of flat. He said that the screen is a good size and he likes how easy it is to get on the internet. Gary said he hasn't used it a lot so he's not sure about the battery life.
Howard asked why they won't let him buy one of these without switching over his phone. He said they wouldn't sell him one unless he activated it. Howard said he didn't want to do that. He just wanted to play with it.
Gary said he got the phone from WireFly. Howard told Gary to get him one today so he can play with it. Howard said he wants to be playing with one this afternoon.
Howard said this is Piers' first week and they're promoting the hell out of it. Howard said he's seen a lot of news stories about his appearance on the show. Howard said he got over there to do the show around 1:30 and they were very nice. He said they were almost confrontational though. He said that Piers was saying that he's going to be the King of All interviews and things like that. Howard said that he has everything to prove now. He said that it's going to be hard to sustain an interview against the other shows that are already on. Howard said he's not the king of anything yet. He said he's kind of reminding him of David Lee Roth who came in and replaced him at K-Rock. Howard said that's what Dave was claiming when he came in and it turned out no one listened to him.
Howard said he went over to do that show and he was trying to remember everything that happened. Howard said it was very long. He said he got there at 1:30 and they started taping around 2:30 or so. He said he didn't get out until like 4. Howard said he felt like they taped for like 2 hours. Howard said he thought it was going to be about 45 minutes but they over tape the show.
Howard said he enjoyed the interview but at one point they were talking about his penis and measuring it with a ruler. Howard said he was getting pretty graphic. He said he told Piers that there was no way they were going to air that. Piers said they were going to take anything that didn't air and put it on his web site. Howard said he wasn't there to do outtake's. He said he wanted to promote the smartphone app. Howard said about an hour into that thing he wanted to promote it. He said he brought that up and Piers asked if that's all he was there to do. Howard said that's the reason he was there. Howard said he didn't care that much about being there at all.
Howard said he told Piers that he was there to promote the app and he got rushed through that. Howard said he wanted to mention Howard TV and some other stuff and they rushed him through it all. Howard said they'd cut it all out in post. Howard said he told them not to. He said that's the reason he was there.
Howard said he was watching Sarah Palin on Sean Hannity's show last night and he was falling all over himself explaining why Palin is a good person. Howard said that they were just defending her. Howard said he wanted to yell at them. Howard said Sarah Palin is her own worst enemy and she should just shut up and look pretty. He said she's ruining any hope she has of being president.
Howard said he saw Oprah on with Piers and he was laughing at everything she was saying. Howard said she was promoting that network of her's and not answering any questions. He said that she's a mistake to have on for a first interview. He said that she's a bad interview. Howard said he got the impression that she's in love with Gayle King. Howard said it's a love as deep as what he has with Beth. Howard said she begins every sentence with Gayle. Howard told JD to pull every sentence that starts with Gayle.
Howard said he talks about Beth in his interview. He said that Oprah isn't in love with Stedman. He said she's in love with Gayle. He said she might as well lick her pussy clean.
Howard said he had some clips from that interview. He played a couple of those and pointed out what a phony Oprah is. She was going on and on and on about her ''mission'' and how fame came along with that. Howard said she ripped off Phil Donahue, that's all she did.
Howard said Piers can learn a few things from him. He said he has to stop laughing at everything Oprah says. Howard said that Oprah goes on and on talking about her ''love brand'' and stuff like that. Howard played a little more of the interview and talked about her love for Gayle. Howard said that he feels bad for Piers.
Howard said his interview with Piers is on tonight. He said he ended up liking Piers during the interview. Howard said he took his sunglasses off during the interview. He said he asked his agent and Ralph how he looked because he has more control there than he does doing an interview like that. Howard said he was trying to look like Johnny Depp or something like that. He said that doesn't happen though. Howard said he was a good looking kid until he hit puberty. He said he turned into a monster when he went through puberty.
Howard said he was obsessing about his look during the interview. Robin asked what they said. Howard said his agent Don said that this look of his where he doesn't shave is working against him on TV. He said they were talking about the stubble and how bad it looked on him. Howard said that he must have looked horrible. Howard said he has a feeling he'll throw up when he sees the interview tonight.
Robin said she saw Howard in a promo for the show and she thought he looked good. Howard said he didn't like the way he blasted Jay Leno, Oprah and Larry King. He said he has no idea what he even said now. Howard said he didn't get to promote his apps and stuff. He said it ruined his weekend. Robin said that it can be tough because they can edit the show. Howard said he didn't even want to get into some of the stuff he got into. He said that he wanted to give the guy an entertaining interview. Howard said when he did break out of it they should have just let him do it.
Howard said he got off the interview and he was in the green room and this guy marched in with a camera and asked him to talk to CNN.com. Howard said he just wanted to get the fuck out of there. He did the interview though. He said that JD had the audio of that interview. Howard played that clip where they asked him how he thought Piers did with the interview. Howard said he didn't pay attention to the interview. They asked Howard what he thought about all of the fans wanting him to be on the show. Howard said that they should get rid of Piers and let him do the interviews every night. He said he had a lot of fun doing it.
Howard said he was exhausted by that point. He said he just wanted to be left alone. It could have gone on all day long.
Howard said he watched Piers on CNN yesterday and he was on promoting his show. He said that they were asking Piers about getting Oprah and then the guy asks about Howard Stern and he was basically asking if he was a piece of shit. Howard had the audio of that interview too. In that clip the guy talking to Piers asked about Howard Stern and said that there are some people who don't like Howard Stern. He understood why he had Oprah on but not Howard Stern.
Howard thanked CNN for that. He said ''Thanks fuckers...'' Howard told Robin to listen to this fucking guy. The guy asked Piers what he's going to do for his viewers that don't like someone like Howard Stern. Piers said that there will be as big an audience for Howard as there would be for Oprah. He said that people are going to tune in to see him engage in battle with Howard. Howard said he's not sure why Oprah is celebrated and he's not.
Howard said he was telling one interview show about how Piers hasn't proven anything here yet and all he had was a little show over in England. He said the reporter got all worked up because she was from England. Howard said everything seems to go wrong for him. He said he just wants to be left alone.
Howard said he feels bad for Piers because in 6 months he's going to be interviewing Scott Baio. Howard said that he happens to be a good interview himself so they lucked out and got him.
Howard said he enjoyed talking to Piers. He said he hopes it's good. It's on tonight on CNN. Howard said he can't do anything if it's not good. Robin said she saw it and she thinks that people will enjoy seeing it. Howard said he was talking to Piers about his parents and stuff. That led to him doing his impression of his parents. He was doing his mom and dad talking about helping him out with his first car and how his father would listen to Bob Grant instead of listening to Howard. Howard said his father didn't communicate with him very well.
Howard said this Oprah interview was crazy. He played more of the audio of Piers talking to Oprah. He asked her if she would ever run for President. Oprah said she would never win. She said that she knows where her lane is and she would never run.
Howard said that Oprah is a teacher and she's carrying on in this clip. Howard said she sounds insane. He said she's talking about love and all of this nonsense. Howard played more of the audio where Piers was asking Oprah about what she does best. Howard cut that off and said he told Piers why he's a piece of garbage. He said he doesn't think that he's some great person like Oprah does. Howard said Oprah is a bore. He said that she was bragging about how she's there with him and fully present. Howard said he's not sure why people buy into that bullshit. He said he doesn't like her. He bets that Gayle King can't stand her. Robin asked if he's talked to Gayle about that. Howard said he has and she's sick of Oprah. Howard said he had to promise not to say anything. He said he wishes that she had said that to him.
Howard said Oprah is the size of a whale and she's not fully realized like she claims she is. Howard said that none of what she was saying was interesting. He said this was a boring interview.
Howard was going to play some of the Oprah talking about Gayle clips but he said he was done. He said he was running out of time anyway. He said he had to take a break and prepare for the Mystery Guest they had coming in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have a surprise guest coming in and Gary says it's a good one. Howard said he likes to be prepared. Steven Tyler then walked in. Robin said he didn't have to be a surprise. They love him. Howard asked who was with him. It was Erin Brady, Steven's girlfriend. Howard said Steven looks good. He said he looks handsome and in shape.
Howard said he has a million questions for him. He said he wished he had been able to prepare. Howard said he had to masturbate last night even though he's married now. Howard said Steven has had sex with everyone so it must be nerve racking for Erin. Erin said it was the first time but now she's okay. Howard asked if she gets nervous that he could leave her at any minute. She said that she has some stuff on tape so she thinks she's okay. Howard asked if they tape their sex. Steven said they absolutely do not. Howard asked if she gets anal from Steven. She said she does. Howard asked Steven if he would like to propose to her right now. Steven thought for a few seconds and said if he keeps pushing this he'll find him. He told Howard he'd marry him. Howard asked if she has a shot at marrying him. Steven said she does... everyone does. Erin said that he's a true romantic. She said that she put him in rehab and this is how he acts.
Howard asked about the rehab thing and if she got lonely while she was away. She said that she wasn't able to visit and his friends were all hitting on her while he was away. Steven told Howard that he had some nerve problems in his feet and he got addicted to a bunch of drugs that they gave him. He said he went to rehab and they told him to do a year with nothing. He said he had no pain meds for 3 or 4 months. He said that he realized that he could never be in Aerosmith again. He said he loved doing narcotics and he had to stop. He said that he went to a pain management guy who tried helping him out. He said he got put on drugs and he fell off stage because of that. Steven said he was back to snorting his meds because that's what he does.
Howard said he loves that he came in today. He said he loves him and what he's done for Rock and Roll. Howard said that Joe Perry has said that he never would have been a judge on American Idol when the band first started. Howard said he said on the air the other day that he's the American Mick Jagger. Howard asked why the hell he's going on American Idol when he could be out playing with the band. Steven said that he was taking something else other than the band. He said this doesn't mean that the band is over. He said the band was kicking him when he was down. He said he loves those guys to death but they were kicking him when he was down. He said there is jealousy in the band and it's like being married. He said that it's really hard to be married to a bunch of guys. He said he loves them dearly. He said he wanted to go on tour after that fall off stage. He said they did that but he needed a rest after that. Steven said he needs a rest off his feet.
Steven said he never thought he'd be on American Idol but he thought about it and it's a different world today so it's something new for him. He said he did his time and saw about 40 people out of 700 that were great. He said that there are some people that sing their ass off. He said he's looking for that original person in the group.
Howard said that Lady Gaga somehow broke through. Steven said that's one in a million. Howard said so is Steven. Steven said that J-Lo is an alpha female and he gets to sit next to her. He said he likes that too. Howard asked how he got on the show. Steven said he got out of rehab and he wrote a song with Kara, who is on the show, and they did that in 2 days. He said Kara texted him and asked if he had thought about being a judge. He said he had left his management at the time and he told his new manager to get something for him. He said he wasn't happy with the way they were handling the band and now they're actually trying to keep them apart. Howard said he heard that he only contacts them via email. Steven said he texts Joe and that's what he has to do because he won't answer his phone. Steven said he told Joe that he has to show up to their gigs. He said that once they get together they'll get together in a room and write.
Howard asked what the jealousy is there with Joe. Steven said he's not going to get into the details of it. He said the band's management drove him to take drugs. He said that he's not going to blame them for everything he did but they did drive him to drugs. He said the band is going out to rehearse soon and they're going to write some shit. He said that everyone is going to be there but Joe Perry is missing in action. He said that he texted Joe and he doesn't know where he is.
Howard said he thinks that Joe is upset about the American Idol thing. He said that this could screw up the whole band thing. He said that he probably wants him to discuss things like that with him. Steven said that Joe was looking for a new lead singer a few months ago. He said that the band is his life and he'd leave Idol tomorrow if he had to.
Howard said maybe he has to talk to Joe more about what the future of the band is. Steven said that he fell off the stage because he was on drugs and he had to get through this rehab thing. He said he broke his shoulder and had to get 19 stitches. He said he didn't get a call for 27 weeks from the band. He said that just about killed him. He said he saw the craziness of the whole thing and he sees why it was going on. He said that management was telling them to stay away from him. Steven said that he's a powerhouse when he's sober and he's on fire. Steven said that the band has never played better and they were doing shows night after night and doing great.
Howard asked if he tried out for Led Zeppelin. Steven said he did and he was in heaven doing it. Howard said Joe probably gets frightened by that. Steven said that he may but he is in Aerosmith and he's not going anywhere. He said he turned down the chance to write with Jimmy Paige because he is in Aerosmith.
Steven said that they're doing an album now while he's doing Idol so it's really not that big of a deal. Steven said the debut of Idol is great. He said that it's going to be a good show. He said that the show made him tear up.
Howard asked why they're saying that Steven is the Paula Abdul of the show. Steven said maybe it's because of the rehab thing. Howard asked if he's sleeping with any of the contestants. Steven isn't. Howard asked him more about how he got on the show. Steven said that one thing led to another and he got the chance to be on the show. He said the door was open and they let him in. Howard asked if Kara had a lot to do with that. Steven said that's how it all happened. He said they offered him a deal and he said ''fuck that.''
Howard asked Steven about how much he's worth and Steven said that it's all in his book ''Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?: A Rock 'n' Roll Memoir.''
Howard asked Steven if he's making more than J-Lo. Steven said he has no idea what her deal is. Howard said that she's making $12 million a year. Steven said he's making more. Howard said he should be. Steven said that's going to be all over the press. Howard asked if it's $18 million. Steven said he can't say. Howard said he has to be making more than J-Lo or things aren't right in this world.
Howard said that the show must be making him sick. Steven said that he wanted to quit after the second show. He said that he heard a girl who could sing during that show though and that's what turned him. He said he wants someone who can sing and that's what he's looking for. He said that when he'd hear someone like that it would cheer him up.
Howard said that they never talk to the contestants about the way they look because it does matter. Steven said that you can't tell someone that they're fat. Howard said they have to. Steven said they can't be too cruel. He said that there are 15 year olds that have been watching the show since they were 5 and they're full of themselves. He said their families have been telling them that they're great but they're not quite ready. He said it's heart breaking to tell them that they're not good enough.
Howard asked Steven how old he is now. He's 62. Howard asked if he can still screw. Erin said that he's great. Steven told Howard that he's taken Viagra and he sat around waiting for something to happen. He said that nothing happened in the first two hours. He said that he went to the bathroom and shook himself off. He said that it didn't go down until the next morning after that.
Howard asked Steven if he thinks about his age and wonders what happened. Steven said he does. He said his father is 94 and his mother passed away 2 years ago. He said that she was the one who encouraged him to take the car and go play. He said they opened up for the Yardbirds and his mother was the shit. He said his dad was a piano teacher. He said he can play the piano because of him.
Howard asked Steven if they ever got to the bottom of why he was doing the drugs he was doing. Steven said that it was fear. He said that he's looked for exactly what it was and he isn't sure. He said that he was never an angry guy but the band is something that drives him nuts. Howard said Joe Perry did American Idol once. Steven said he did that way before he did it too.
Howard asked when the last time was that he spoke to Joe Perry. Steven said it was the last time they were on tour. He said they were able to joke around when they were doing shows like that. Howard said that he read Keith Richard's book and he saw the anger in him. Steven said he did a bunch of shows after he fell of the stage. He said it was 27 weeks later and he thinks of those guys as his brothers. He said that he couldn't get mad at them once they get on stage and play. He said he hasn't had the chance to ask Joe why he didn't call him for 27 weeks. Howard said he must hate him. Steven said he doesn't think that's it. He can't figure it out but he doesn't think it's hate.
Howard asked Steven about this book he has coming out. The book won't be out for another few months. Howard told him to come back and talk about it then.
Howard asked Steven about how he got Hepatitis C and how he got rid of it. Steven said it took a year to get rid of it. He said that it felt like he was dying while he was on these treatments. Steven said that his wife left him 3 months into that. He said that he was unfaithful on the road and that's why she left. He said that it just crippled him when he did this.
Howard asked Steven what kind of phone he has. Steven had an iPhone and he yelled about how awful the service is with AT&T. Howard told him to make the switch to Verizon.
Steven said that he's not going to be taking a year off doing Idol. He said that he thinks that this show is going to help the band out and bring them up 10 notches. He said they're already booked for later in the year. He said that they're going to be out doing shows.
Howard asked Steven about the women he's been with. Steven asked if he's been with 3 women yet. Howard said he's working toward that. Steven said that's the secret to life. Howard asked Steven about his tour bus and how they have tons of women in there. Howard said Craig Gass told them about that. Steven said that was years ago. He said it's not like that now.
Howard asked Erin if she likes having other women. Erin said that as long as she can pick the woman she's okay with it. Steven said they have not done it yet. He said that there would be too much jealousy there. Howard said she must get jealous of that. Erin said that they're together all the time and they get to share so much. Steven said that this has not happened. Erin said that they have done it and they sort it all out before it all happens.
Howard said that Steven will talk about anything and he's not sure why he won't talk about this. Steven said it hasn't happened and he's looking forward to it happening. Erin sounded like she couldn't believe that he wasn't admitting it had happened. Erin told Howard that she had a woman back stage during a break at a concert. Steven said he had a feeling this kind of shit was going to happen if he brought her in there. Howard said that he must be so comfortable with women that he can do this during a show. Howard said that she's a loving girlfriend. Howard said his wife made him apple pie the other night and he thought he was getting something.
Howard asked Steven what happened. Steven didn't want to get into it so Howard asked Erin. She was ready to talk but Steven asked them to stop. Howard asked why he's so uptight. Steven said they've gone too far with this. Howard said he doesn't get why he's so upset. Steven said he's not upset. He said that he can't believe that Howard hasn't gotten into that kind of trouble.
Howard asked Steven if he can hold out a long time. Steven asked why they're doing this. He said he can hold out. Erin said that he can hold out. Howard said that he's done in a few seconds. He said he pictures Steven's penis being big. Steven said that he wrote a song about it... Bit 10 Inch.
Howard said American Idol begins Wednesday night. Howard said he always liked Simon Cowell on the show and he had a certain credibility. He asked if Steven cares about the ratings. Steven said he doesn't know anything about that. He said he's just jumped into this thing. He said he wanted to just give it a try and see how it works. Steven said that he can't just tell kids that they suck like Simon did. He said that he's not into putting people down. He's into bringing them up.
Howard said some people need tough love. Steven said he agrees with that. He said that some people come in all entitled and they refuse to leave.
Howard said that David Lee Roth once told him that he'd be talking to millions of people when he took over for him. He said that he seemed to be that entitled type. Steven said that he thought he had it when he was a kid. He said he had his band and he believed in himself and the band. He said that they'd show up to a gig and they'd have no one there. He said it does take time to build an audience.
Howard asked Steven if Ryan Seacrest is his kind of guy. He said that he'll have him in a blond wig and a dress before the end of the season.
Howard asked Steven what kind of guns he has. Steven said he collects guns and he goes out and shoots with his buddies. He said that it's a boy thing. Howard said he likes to shoot things and blow things up too. Steven had a switchblade on him and he said he has it on him all the time. Howard asked if he has ever pulled it out on anyone like Joe. Steven said that they grew up in this together. He said they've been on stage together for 40 years. He never would do that.
Howard asked Steven about doing this show and if people are telling him that he shouldn't be. Steven said it doesn't matter. He said he wants to do the show and that's what he's doing. Robin asked who he hangs out with. He said he's friends with Dave Grohl and Dave Navarro. He said he hangs with those guys. Howard asked if he's going to hear from Joe now. Steven said he may not even show up to rehearsal. Howard said he's going to call Joe himself. Steven said that Joe told him that he has a previous engagement so he can't rehearse. Howard said that's a shame. Steven said that things will come together in the end and things will be fine. Howard said he heard Joe is going to unfriend him on Facebook. Steven said that his wife already did. He said that they're a team and he's fine with that.
Howard said this Erin is a great person. He said that what she did for him during that concert is great. Howard said that he'd be afraid of his wife falling for another woman. He said he'd like to know how to approach the whole thing. Steven told him to have her listen to this interview.
Howard asked Steven what show he's doing. He said he's doing Regis this morning and Jimmy Fallon tonight. Howard said that Regis doesn't even know who Aerosmith is.
Howard asked Steven about the performance he did for Paul McCartney. He said he wasn't but he was nervous on Letterman last night. Howard said he gets the same way with Dave. Steven said that things went alright though. He said that he talked about snorting Lunesta with Dave and he shouldn't have gone there.
Howard asked why he's so upset about talking about sex. He asked if he signed a morals clause with Idol. Steven said he didn't. Howard asked more about the threesome back stage and what went on there. Steven gave a little more up but not all that much. Howard said he loves it. He said Steven is the best. He said that he will talk to Joe about him. He said he thinks that Joe is upset that he's not a full partner in the band.
Howard said Joe feels that Steven doesn't confide in him enough and that's what he's feeling right now. Howard said he thinks that Steven is right that there is some jealousy there. He said that it's almost like they need a marriage therapist. He said that Steven is going to have to go out of his way to massage his ego. Howard said Joe doesn't get the same thing that Steven gets. Steven said that's why he's bringing the guys to L.A. to rehearse. He said he knows what they need. He said there is a barrier there sometimes.
Erin asked how many solo albums Steven has done. Steven said he hasn't done any. Howard said he'd like to do a solo album with Steven. Steven said that he may go out and do some dates with Zeppelin. Howard said that's the kind of stuff that Joe doesn't want to hear. Steven said it's not a threat though. He said he's just going to do a couple of gigs.
Howard asked Steven if he would go into marriage therapy with Joe. Steven said that therapy with them has always been working on an album. Howard said that they look great on stage together. Steven said he thinks that Joe is upset that he's sober. Howard asked if Joe is not sober. Steven said that it's not his business and he's not going to say. They spent a minute talking about that but Gary came in and told Howard that Steven had to go. They called this guy Dominic in to say hello because he's such a big fan of the show. Dominic takes care of their house while they're away. Howard asked if Steven has ever yelled at him about doing stuff wrong. He said that he hasn't that much. Howard asked him what his favorite part of the show is. Dominic said he just likes the whole show. Gary asked who his favorite Wack Packer is. He didn't have an answer so Howard wrapped up.
Steven said he has a new web site coming out tomorrow. It's at StevenTyler.com. They had to wrap up. Gary was giving Howard the hi-sign. Howard said he loves American Idol. He said that he can control the voting on the show. Howard said he's going to talk to Joe for him and see what he can do. Howard wished him all the best and said he hopes that they get back together. Howard said their music is beautiful and so is Erin. Howard wished him the best and said that he'd like to read his book. Steven said he'll come back in with Joe next time. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was busy peeing. He said he was watching the Golden Globes and the kid from Glee sounded like he was Out of the Closet Stern. Howard said that he sounds exactly like that character he used to do. Howard had some audio from the Golden Globes to play. He said that Glee kid really sounded like his character. Howard played some of that clip and said that he is gay to the third power. He played more of the clip and said he's very girly and must be a bottom. Robin said she's not sure how it works so she doesn't know that. Howard said he's a bottom and Fred is a top. He said this kid sounds like he grew up inside Boy George's asshole. Howard played more of that kid and then did a live commercial he didn't do during the break.
After that Howard said he was reading about this Piers Morgan interview he did with Oprah. Howard said Piers should be happy that he did the show because he's not so full of himself like Oprah is. Howard said that the Hollywood Reporter wrote about how this was like two rich people talking to each other and that was about it. Howard said that the Daily News gave it a negative review. The Post gave it a positive review. Howard said he was trying to explain how full of herself Oprah is. He said that he thinks he gave him a good interview. He said he doesn't even remember what he talked about though. Howard said he's so hostile when it comes to these interviews though. Howard said he forgot that he had even done the interview. Howard said he just wanted to get out of that place and go home.
Howard said he was surprised at how embarrassed Steven got during the interview. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Steven was great and Howard is great at getting stuff out of people. Howard said that he wants Steven to come back in and talk about his book and about the band's music. Howard said he does love that band. He said he loves Steven and Joe and they can do no wrong.
The caller said that they took the Billy Joel interview off Howard TV and he thinks that should be one of the shows that stays up there. Howard said they take it down so they can fit more in there.
The caller said that he really misses Bubba and he wishes that they had him on. Howard said he was in a meeting yesterday about that and he's still trying to make it happen. He said he hopes to get Bubba back on.
Howard said that he was thinking about this Ricky Gervais hosting the Golden Globes. Howard said he winced when he was watching the show. He said that when you're a comedian and you're asked to do the show, they're not hiring you to roast the stars. He said they take themselves very seriously and they congratulate themselves on their ''hard work.'' Howard said that some of the people in the room are very serious about themselves.
Howard said that Bruce Willis wasn't there to get roasted. He said that Ricky Gervais was lampooning him and using him as a prop. Howard said that if you're going to do that you have to be really funny. He said that the material wasn't that funny but it was more like ''I can't believe he's saying that'' kind of humor. Howard said it wasn't the right setting for that. He said when you go in front of that crowd and do that kind of material, i doesn't work. He said it wasn't particularly funny but it was bold and ballsy. He said he'd give him an A+ on balls and a C on material. Howard said he's not sure how many fans there are for Ricky but he's found him funny. He said he felt like he had missed the mark on that. He said he thought he had a lot of balls though. He thinks he picked the wrong crowd though.
Howard said that he didn't particularly enjoy it. He said that he thought that they had taken him off the show at one point but he claims that didn't happen. Robin said she missed the show so she didn't see it all. She said that she made it to the first acceptance speech and tuned out.
Howard said he had a bunch of clips of Ricky doing his thing but he's sure everyone heard about that. He said that Paul Giamatti won an award and he was hoping that he would say something about him. Robin thought he said he was going to say something. Howard said Paul said he would do it if he wins an Academy Award.
Howard said Ricky Gervais was right about how they need a payoff when it comes to a winner. He said that the Facebook movie was good but it wasn't the best. Howard said that he thought there were better movies like ''The King's Speech'' and ''The Fighter.'' Robin said that ''True Grit'' was good but not great. She said that ''Social Network'' was a great film. Robin also thought that ''The Fighter'' was great too.
Steve said that Piers told them that it was going to get bloody during the interview. Howard said he heard about that and he told Piers that he had a lot to prove and there was no fight there. Howard said he likes the guy and that's why he was there. He had nothing to prove to Piers. Steve said that Piers and Howard did their interview and he had some updates about all of that. He said it was a touching interview.
Steve said that Howard used the word flaccid during the interview and they wondered how much of it would make it to air. They claim that they didn't hear anything that wouldn't make it to air. Howard said they had some graphic penis talk that he's not sure will make it to the air. Howard said that Piers said that they've been very lenient so it should be fine. Howard said they're going to put anything that doesn't make it to air up on Piers' web site.
Steve said they also have a story about Robin and how she did the Joy Behar show. Robin says that she could get her own TV gig now if she had the chance. Steve said that Robin also joked about taking over for Joy right there. He thought she was terrific as the host too. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and Fred told him that Kid Rock just turned 40. He just had his birthday yesterday. Howard said he was reading about how Steve Jobs is taking time off for his health. Howard said the guy has had a liver transplant and cancer. Howard said that the guy is such an innovator and he's such a visionary. Howard said the guy has done so much with the iPhone and iPad. He said that he's revolutionized the way we interact with computers and phones. He said that if any guy needs a body transplant or something like that it's Steve Jobs. Howard said they should put his head on an iPad or something. Howard said the guy is 55 years old and he could work into his 70s. Howard said that he hopes that the guy sticks around. He said that they have so many mind blowing products and they need to keep going.
Howard said he sees that other computer companies are trying to do the same thing and they just can't. He said that Windows hasn't had anything mind blowing in a really long time. He said that they're just coasting with what they're doing. He said that Windows is kind of boring. He said they don't come out with anything kick ass like Apple does. Howard said they don't have to innovate. He said the guy from Facebook is always thinking about what to do there. He said that guy is great too. Howard said Steve Jobs is making the hardware and he's just awesome.
Howard said he loves how they do things there at Apple. He said he wishes Steve a quick recovery. He said that he looks like shit these days. Robin said that he used to be a big guy and he's lost a lot of weight.
Howard had a new Sal and Richard prank call. He said they called into a talk show where they had the lieutenant governor of Virginia on. In the call Sal calls in and then get his wife ''Ethel'' on the line. She was on the toilet. They played flushing sounds and had Richard come over and get on the line. He then read the grocery list instead of the questions they had for the lieutenant governor. They hung up on them. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard took a call from Ralph while he waited for Jon. Ralph told Howard about what Steve Jobs has done at Apple and how he knows what to do with the tech they have. He said he had the guys do a phone when they showed him an iPad-like device many years ago. Howard said they should be inventing a robot to house his brain in. Ralph said that they have to do something or his stock is going to plummet. They need to do an iSteveJobs.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stuff they were going to cover today and ended up spending a couple of minutes talking about Steven Tyler. They also talked about the Piers Morgan thing and Oprah's interview. Howard said that Oprah was boring and maybe it was Piers that didn't help. He said that she was actually good on Letterman.
Howard said old age is a bitch. He said he's leaving after the next 5 years. He doesn't want to get to the point where his health is bad. Howard said he thinks that's why Regis is leaving now. He played more of the audio of Kelly talking to him about how she could change his mind. Regis said they might be able to reach an agreement. Howard said he's an old guy and he must be up there. Robin said he might be 80 something. Howard said he's probably burnt out. Howard said Booker is typing up his resume now. He wondered if Kelly would keep the show going. Howard figured she'd do it with her husband, Mark. Howard said he runs their production company now. He said he also marries people. He married him and Beth. Howard said he's gotten to know Regis and he seems like a good dude. Howard said he's actually 79 years old.
Howard said he had some Grillo stuff to play. He said he was out at the Adult Video News awards. He said they got the clips from Howard TV after the other recordings came back screwed up.
Howard mentioned that they have the Psych tests coming up tomorrow. He said that Gary thinks that they have something kind of shocking coming up with that. Gary said that they have a score on the test and they have some people who have some issues. He said that one person has a lot of issues going on. Howard said he bets that it's Ronnie. Gary said they'll see tomorrow. Howard said he'd bet money on it. Robin asked what they do with those numbers. Gary said it's a number of numbers. He didn't want to give away too much. He said that they might even need a straight jacket there.
Gary said that they have a score and the highest you can get is a 115. He said in one of the categories one of the people scored a 109. Howard said he hopes it's not him. He said it has to be Ronnie. Benjy is worried it's him. Gary said Benjy has been asking him and Jason to tell him who it is. Benjy said that if he's a narcissist he's fine with that. He said that if it's a delusional or rage thing then he'd be upset. Howard said they'll find out more tomorrow.
Howard said that he can say that it's not him. He said that he knows he's sane. Gary said that the guy who shot Giffords thinks he's sane too. Howard said he's not that person. Howard said he thinks that he'll be in the lowest category. Gary said that everyone has issues. He said they all scored above a 75. Howard said he thinks that he'll be in the lowest 3. He said he'll be one of those and Robin and Fred will be up in the next level and Ronnie will be the worst.
Robin said she's not going to sleep tonight because of this. Howard said Ronnie is completely mad. He said he knows him. Ronnie said he's not the one running around asking for his score. Howard said he's not either. That's Benjy. Ronnie said they can take him out in a straight jacket if they have to. Ronnie said that it's always him. Howard said he did this whole thing because of Ronnie. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie is a cork that's ready to be popped. Howard said that everyone is talking about him behind his back. He said everyone does that. Ronnie said that's great and fuck 'em all. He said that's a great way to do things.
Ralph called in and said that any one of them could be the craziest. Howard said it has to be Ronnie. Howard said he's neurotic but he's not crazy. Ronnie is crazy. Ronnie asked why he's crazy. Howard told him why he thinks that. Ronnie said that Robin is the crazy one. Howard said Fred is weird too.
Howard said he's not insane like the rest of the guys. Ronnie said he knows that Robin is nuts. Robin said it sounds like they're all nuts. Ronnie said he remembers Robin from back in the say. She's the one that's nuts. Howard said Ronnie loves skulls and he has a salamander tattoo. Ronnie said it's not a salamander. Howard said they'll see what happened tomorrow.
Ralph said it's probably Benjy. Howard said they had to figure out a way to get Ronnie to take a test and this is how they did it. Howard said he has to know what he's dealing with. Ralph said he doesn't think it's Ronnie. Ralph said it could be Robin or Howard too. He said Howard is kind of nutty too. Howard said he's so normal. Ralph just laughed. He said that Robin can't sit still and she's constantly running around. Howard said that Robin went all the way down to Philly after leaving his house. Robin said she drove from his house to New York to take care of her cat and then she went to Philly. Robin said she had a cat that just had a kidney transplant. Ralph laughed again. Robin said it's not funny.
Howard had Robin get to her news. Robin started off with a story about a lottery winner who has to give up $40 million of her winnings even though the guy was accused of beating her. Robin had some details of that story that she went through.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in to talk about Piers Morgan but Howard didn't quite get what she was saying. Howard had to hang up on her. He said that Piers was fine with him but he didn't think he did well with Oprah. Robin spent a few minutes talking about that. They had some audio of that interview that they played too. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin had a story about the Academy Award nominees for the best film of the year. Howard and Robin talked about that for a minute.
Robin read a story about health insurance and how many of them don't cover pre-existing medical conditions. She said that up to 65 percent of Americans have conditions like that. Robin said that the whole country seems to be sick.
Robin read a story about Celebrity Rehab and the center where they treat the celebrities. Howard said he knows the answer but wasn't able to think of it. It was the Pasadena Recovery Center. Robin said the center just celebrated its 10th anniversary. Robin had some audio of Shelly Sprague from the center talking about what people see on the show. Howard said that she has a tattoo sleeve and it's not hot. He said that his advice is to not do that. He said a small tattoo is fine but not a whole sleeve. He said he's never seen a woman look hot with a whole sleeve. Robin had some audio of Bob Forrest talking about the center too. Howard said he'd like to see him with his hat off. He wants to know what's doing under that hat.
Robin read a story about how little college students learn in their first year at school. Robin said that was revealed in a book that just came out. Howard said he learned that he was ill equipped to do anything when he was 18. He said that college was like a holding tank that helped prepare him for living life at 21. Howard said he told his kids to become a doctor or lawyer or something like that. They ended up talking about the psych tests again during that discussion. Howard said they'll have to see how that turns out tomorrow.
Robin read a story about Starbucks coming out with a new size drink. Howard doesn't drink coffee so he didn't know the names for the sizes. Robin said that they have a 31 ounce cup now and it's called the Trenta. Howard said that's Spanish for 30. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Ricky Gervais' performance at the Golden Globes. Howard said those people go there to get their assess sucked off and Ricky was mean spirited. He said he wasn't particularly funny. Robin said that he head of the Hollywood Foreign Press has said that he went over the line but he is known for doing that. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Robin said they had good ratings with the show. They had 17 million viewers. Howard said that's not because of Ricky Gervais. It's the celebrities that show up. Howard said that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are the reason people tune in.
Robin had some news about Martin Luther King day. Howard joked about how he spent the day celebrating the day. Robin said King's son has said that people have forgotten his father's message about peace. She said that the Arizona shooting was cited in that speech. Robin had some of the audio of that speech. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin and some of the comments she's been making about the Arizona shooting. She used the term ''blood libel'' in a video she put out. Robin had a clip of her talking about that. Robin asked what she's talking about in that video. Howard said she's completely loony and she manages to turn the whole tragedy away from her and makes it all about her and how people are coming after her. Robin said that most people don't know what blood libel is and even she doesn't know. Howard said that she had to wait 3 days to make a statement because she doesn't know what she's doing. Howard said Hannity tried to smooth it out for her last night but it just made things worse. Howard said Palin is supposed to be all about the people and acting presidential. Meanwhile she's got people in gun sights. He said she's a fucking ''loon bag.'' He said she should just admit that it was wrong to have someone in gun sights. Robin explained what blood libel is and it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin. Robin said that she's not sure what she's talking about. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that and playing clips of Palin trying to explain herself. Howard said she's a phony, a fake and a liar. Howard said she got all upset when Letterman made fun of her and didn't even threaten her. He said that she puts a target on someone on her web site and then the woman gets shot and she doesn't see what's wrong there.
Robin said that Gabrielle Giffords is in the news. She said that she could be released in just weeks. She's still having surgery though. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about the surgery and how she's doing. Howard said that Palin should be saying she feels awful about what she did. She never says that. She never admits she was wrong. He said she's a dick, trust him on that.
Robin had some more details about Giffords and how they think she might be trying to speak. The doctor said that she might be moving her lips but they're not sure what she's saying. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Regan speaking out about Ron Regan Jr.'s new book. She had some audio of Michael talking about what his brother is saying in the book about Regan's Alzheimers.
Robin read about video game addiction and how it can affect kids. Howard said he can see that happening. He said some people are obsessive. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how you have to limit the time kids play games. Robin said she doesn't by the ''addiction'' thing but she can see it as an obsession.
Robin had some audio of Gwyneth Paltrow's new movie where she sings as a country singer. She also had some audio of James Blunt's new album and Jennifer Lopez's new album. Robin said that her album has been leaked. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon went over some of the other stuff they had to cover and they talked about the psych test results they have coming up tomorrow. Gary said that it's great watching how everyone is reacting to the tests and everyone thinks that everyone else is the crazy one. Gary said the results will all come out tomorrow. He said Benjy has been trying to get information out of him and he's not telling him anything. Benjy said he's just having fun with it. He said it's not as nerve racking as the IQ test thing.
Gary said that Benjy did say that he was nervous about it. Benjy said that he has a fear that he had to fill in a bubble on the test and he fears that it could be something about that. Gary said that Benjy is afraid of what people's perception of him will be. Gary said that's the whole idea of doing this test.
Benjy said he gets that but he doesn't have a lot to lose. Benjy said that Ronnie and Steve have a lot to lose. He said that if Howard had come out really insane then they would have told Howard that and pulled the results. Gary said he wouldn't have done that. He said that if Howard was the person he would just let it play out so everyone hears it. Benjy doesn't think that if he does come out with that high score that it's not in something that's that big of a deal.
Jon asked Benjy if he's freaking out over this for real. Benjy doesn't think he is. Gary said he thinks that it will bother Benjy but he won't get totally freaked out by it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that they all have a strange life and thinking that any of them would come out normal is funny. She said that they all sound like they're best friends on the show but their real friends are the listeners. She said they shouldn't be tested in the same way other people are tested. She said that they're not going to come out normal. Gary and Jon didn't agree. Gary asked if she thinks that they should have a test for wealthy people and less wealthy people. The caller said she thinks that the people on the show are in a different state than other people are.
Jon said that if you're crazy, you're crazy. The caller said she doesn't agree with that. She said that they don't take into account the way Robin and Howard live. She said that Howard sand Robin give up their personal lives for them. Benjy asked if the caller is very lonely and if she has family. She said she has family and she's not lonely. She said she's been very protective of them.
Gary said he spent time with Robin, Howard and Fred over the weekend and they seemed like their lives are just great. Jon told the caller to call in tomorrow after the results. She said she would do that but she wanted to talk about the way Gary was so careful about teasing the tests. She thought he was a genius in that. Gary thanked her for that and said he's the king of pre-promotion.
Jon let her go and took another call from a guy who said that Howard was saying that he knows Ronnie is crazy so why does he keep him around? Gary said that those are fun things that they'll find out more about tomorrow.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks will happen when they find out the results. Gary said that the reactions should be very interesting tomorrow. He said he thinks that everyone will be interested. Benjy said that if he was asked to go to therapy after the test that he would do it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Steven was saying that he can't tell people they suck and he doesn't want to be the new Simon. Gary said that there may not be any judges that can take over for Simon. Jon said that maybe J-Lo will be that person. Gary said he can't see that.
Jon said that he thinks it does hurt your credibility to be on that show. Gary said that he disagrees with that. He said that they've played the Super Bowl and they had a hit song with the movie Armageddon. These days you have to do stuff like that and this might just be another way to get their music out there.
Jon asked what's going on with Steven and Joe just contacting each other via email and texting. Gary said that it sounds like something weird is going on there. He said it sounds like it might be Joe's wife that's part of that.
Gary said that he was already trying to get Joe on the show before this Steven thing popped up and he thinks that Joe may have something to say about what Steven was talking about today. Gary said he talked to Steven's manager and they have a manager for the band too so it's getting into this weird area.
Gary said Howard likes to play shrink on the air and he was having some fun talking to Steven today. Jon asked Jason if he thinks it's a bad idea for him to be on Idol. Jason said it's not that bad. He said he'd prefer that he not be on the show but he's not going to change his opinion of the band because of it.
Jason said that Joe Perry hated ''Dream On'' and never thought that they should play the song. He said that Joe, who he loves, has had issues about the band throughout the years. Gary wondered what you do when you're one of the greatest rock guitarists of all time and the lead singer doesn't want to sing. Gary said that Slash put out a solo record but you have to have a singer.
Jason said that if Howard retired and Robin wanted to keep the show going then it's like this. He said that no one wants to see Aerosmith without Steven Tyler. Gary said he'd just get a Philippino guy who sounds like Howard to fill in for Howard. Jason said that he's read some quotes from Joe about Steven and he seems to want to keep touring with Steven.
Jason said he just hopes that the band puts out another album. They talked about how bands have broken up and they still go out under the same name. Jason said that the break ups with Aerosmith usually lead to great albums.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Steven may have done more damage to his reputation than helping it. He said that he was talking too much about Joe Perry. Jon said he thinks that they've been dealing with that issue for a very long time. They spent another minute on that and then had to take another break.
Jason said that Steven said he got into the business to get money, women and fame. He's not into it for something artistic. He said they've tried stuff like this before and they're just experimenting.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the band has been around with the same band members for longer than just about anyone. He said that's what makes them a great band too. Jason said that Aerosmith rules.
Jon wondered what happens next with the band. Gary said that Joe may hear about this and maybe they'll just get their shit together and go. Jason said that Steven was talking about how they want to do rehearsal and Joe isn't responding. He said he doesn't think that anything he said today was so bad that it'll harm anything.
Gary said he got the feeling that Piers was just trying to get something going because he has a new show to get started. Benjy said that it's really a shticky thing to do. Gary said he hasn't seen Piers interview anyone so he'd have to say that Howard is the better interviewer. The guys talked about the Oprah interview and how lame that seemed to be. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he stayed up late last night to watch himself on the Piers Morgan show. He said the interview was good but it's a weird thing because he did 2 hours there and they cut a lot of stuff. He said he talked a lot about Obama and things like that and they edited that out. Howard said he talked about Obama's speech and Sarah Palin and they cut that. Howard said he taped for 2 fucking hours.
Robin said it's a shame they cut that out because Piers said he learned a lot about him. Howard said they cut out the Larry King stuff he said too. Howard said what's weird about that is that when he goes on Letterman they air everything he talks about. Howard said he was talking about how Sharon Osbourne was a good judge on America's Got Talent and he also said that he talked about Howie Mandel but they cut that. He also cut out the stuff he said about David Hasselhoff. Howard said the editing makes him uncomfortable. Robin said they can make him appear the way they want when they edit like that.
Howard said they should have aired his interview on the first night instead on Oprah's interview. He said his was lively and good unlike the Oprah interview. Howard said he thinks that Piers came off in a good light in this interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw the interview and thought he did well but Piers was talking over him a lot. He didn't even let him talk about the smartphone app. Howard said when someone goes on a show they're there to plug something and not just to be famous. Howard said he didn't want to plug for a whole hour but he did want to get a plug in there.
The caller said that he got a Droid X a couple of weeks ago and he got the app and it's great. He said he delivers potato chips and he has the show in his ear all day long. Howard thanked him for the nice call.
Howard said he was thinking about the apps and he downloaded the NY Times app. He said he got it on his iPad so he could read through the paper. He said the app is cool because you get the whole paper on the iPad. He said it's very readable and very easy. He woke up this morning to read the app. He said he checked it around 4 in the morning and it was the same one he had yesterday. Howard said he knows he has to sign up for the whole year eventually but he's not sure if that $1.99 is for one paper or a whole trial.
Howard wondered if he switches from an iPad to a Xoon if he can switch the subscription. Gary said he had an app for his Slingbox and he had to get subscriptions for each device he uses.
Howard asked if anyone else has the NY Times app. No one else did. Howard said he likes the Sirius XM app because you can use it on anything with the same subscription. Howard said he barely got to promote that on Piers' show though. Howard said that Letterman gets angry when you want to promote something too but he does let you do it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he looked great last night. Howard said he did have a hair in his face in one segment but he got that taken care of.
Wolfie called in and asked why his hands were moving so much across his legs in that interview. Howard said he does that there too. He said that's just something he does. He also plays with his penis. Wolfie said Piers was doing okay but he was just firing off questions and kind of threw off the pace. Howard said there was a lot of editing going on there. He said they had Ricky Gervais coming on too but they taped it before he did the Golden Globes thing. Howard said he would have called him back in to do a live one.
Wolfie said that he has this form that they can fill out about what they think about their boss there. Howard said he won't let Gary fire anyone so he's kind of responsible for that. Howard said he had a meeting with Gary and Tim on Monday and Gary was instrumental on who does what there. Howard said it was very illuminating. Robin said that's a good thing. Howard said Gary has his ear about stuff and he changed his opinion on some people there. He said that he expects the psychiatric exam to go well today. He said that's going to be interesting. He said they're going to do that around 7 today.
Wolfie asked if anyone there would go to therapy if they come out kind of crazy in the test. Robin said that she probably would. Howard said he likes that and he'd like to see her get help. Howard said she's obsessed with her 15 Foundation and she's very intense with that. Howard said she told him to tell her things and she gets upset when he does. She was getting worked up over what he was saying.
Howard said Robin is always running around doing trips. He said she's always going somewhere and it's really frantic. Robin said that's not true. She said she just goes on vacation. Howard said that she won't be the worst person. He said that there's one person there who is the worst of them all. Howard said he's already in 3 days a week of therapy and he can't do more. He said he went yesterday and he had more crap coming out. He said he has to go. Robin said that's a good sign that he's going then. Howard said that he was really irritated this weekend because of some things that went down. He said he was really aggravated and he had to get it out.
Howard said he thinks that when they get the results of the exam today that he won't be in the top tier. He said that it should be Ronnie or maybe Benjy. He said that Natalie Maines wrote him and said that she thinks that it could be Benjy. Robin said that she thinks that Benjy may have answered the questions just to be that person. Benjy said that Natalie has a bug up her ass about him. He said that he knows he's not the one. He said Gary said that it's going to be a big shock and he wouldn't be the big shock.
Ronnie came in and said that everyone is forgetting that Langford is in this thing. He said that when you look at him and talk to him you see it in his eyes. Ronnie said that Fred isn't the one. He said he bonds with Fred when he hangs out with him. Howard said that's not possible. It's very hard to bond with Fred.
Fred said that he wouldn't be surprised if it was him in the exam. Howard said it could be Fred. Howard said that he loves Fred but he thinks that he has serious mental disorders. Howard laughed in the middle of that sentence. He said that he just told Ronnie the same thing. Howard said he believes Fred had a very rough childhood and he knows about that. Howard said he has certain quirks in his personality. Howard said he doesn't want to be left hanging there and asked Robin if she thinks that. Robin wasn't saying much about that.
Howard talked about what a nut Ronnie is. He said he was driving him yesterday and he got cut off by a cabbie and he just kept going. Howard said that it's madness the way he drives. Ronnie said that you have to drive that way in the city. Ronnie said that you can't just give into those people. Ronnie said that Howard would come in and drive and just let the guy go. Howard said that they'll find out today just how crazy Ronnie is. He said that no one is normal there but someone is really out there.
Howard said he's not sure that it's Robin but it could be. Robin said that she could end up disappearing if this is her. Howard said that he got her a nice straight jacket.
Howard thanked his friends at Steven Singer Jewelers who are sponsoring this psych test thing. Howard said he had to take a break but he figured he'd take some calls first.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he watched the show and thought the production value was great at CNN. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said whoever designed that set deserves some kind of Emmy for set design. He said they had some big pictures there and they weren't what he wanted to see but thee design was good. The caller said that Piers was cutting him off a lot. Howard said he has a point but they edited a lot too. He said that they were good about letting him roll on during the actual taping. The caller asked Fred to play a parody for Robin's news that they did with DMX that he'd like to hear again.
Bobo called in and said that Howard put Piers in his place a bit when he told him that England is the size of Philadelphia. Howard said that Piers thought they were going to battle it out. He had some audio of Steve Langford interviewing Piers about the interview and Piers was saying that he was ready to battle it out with Howard. Piers was saying that if Howard doesn't perform then he's going to take him off. He was also talking about how they did that to him there at the Stern Show when he was there. Piers said that he figured it was going to be pretty bloody out there when they spoke. Piers was very combative with him in this interview with Langford. Steve asked him who he thought was going to win. Piers said Howard is going to go down. Steve thought that Howard was going to win.
Howard said this was weird and it wasn't a battle. He was just on to be interviewed. He said that they heard from his people about how excited they were to have him there. He said he enjoyed doing it too. Bobo asked what they talked about during the breaks. Howard said they didn't talk about much. He said they would only take a few seconds off and then get back to the interview. Howard said they kept busy. Howard said he told Piers to wait when he started a discussion.
Bobo asked why there is a 3 minute delay on the app. Howard didn't know the answer to that. Fred said they probably have to go through some kind of audio chain. They have a delay on the show too. Bobo said that you have to have stereo Bluetooth headphones to listen wirelessly. Howard didn't know that and thanked Bobo for the information. Howard asked Bobo who he thinks is going to be the craziest this morning. Bobo was picking Robin.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they could all hold weapons during the results. He said that he thinks Ronnie is just an asshole and not crazy. Howard said he's an asshole because he's crazy. The caller said that Ronnie is trapped in a smaller person's body and it looks worse than it is. Howard said that he's kind of removed from reality. Robin said that he's always complaining about people changing and things like that.
Ronnie came in and said that this guy on the phone is a psychopath. He said that his whole life is sitting on the phone trying to get through. He said he tries to get through every day. Ronnie said the guy is a mess and he just sits there jerking off all day. The caller said he works all day. The caller asked Robin and Howard why they don't hang out with Neil Drake anymore. Howard said he just emailed him the other day. Ronnie asked the guy what his job is. The caller wasn't answering. Howard asked what kind of work he does. He said he works at a U.N. Tribunal. He said he's just a computer person though.
Ronnie said he'd like to see what he does at this job because he's on the phone all day long. The caller said that he doesn't have to do much to sit on hold all day. Ronnie said no one sits on the phone all day at a job.
Howard said that Ronnie is going to test most crazy because he has this thing where he thinks that people are talking about him and he gets crazy. Ronnie said he's been meaning to bring something up. He said that he wants to know why he thinks he hates him. Howard said he hates him and he knows it. Ronnie said he can't think that. He said it's been on his mind and he doesn't get why he thinks that he hates him. The caller said that Ronnie does hate Howard. He thinks that he hates him because he married Beth. Ronnie said that's what he said on the Wrap Up Show.
The caller asked Howard if he dislikes Ronnie's lifestyle and that's why he got married. Howard said that's not the reason. He said he likes Ronnie. Ronnie said the caller is out of his mind. Ronnie said that he called this guy gay the other day and he hung up. He said he should admit he's gay. The caller said he's way into Ronnie. Ronnie said the guy is a sick bastard.
Ronnie said that this guy isn't a man. He said he's a woman. Howard said Ronnie is almost never right about people. Ronnie said he's always right. Ronnie said that they had a security guy from American Idol and he said he couldn't wait to meet him. Howard said that was enough from Ronnie today. He said he was done with all of that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard how great he was on Piers Morgan's show last night. She said that Howard was charming, smart, sincere... and then Howard cut her off and took another call.
The next caller thought that Langford was going to be the crazy one. Howard said Steve is weird. He said it could be him. The caller also said that the Piers Morgan show won't last a year. He said that it's a boring show and without Howard it would have been horrible. Howard said he thought it was good last night and they have to leave it to Piers to make it interesting. The caller didn't understand why Piers was comparing Robin to Obama. Howard said he didn't get that either.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Steven Tyler's interview revelations didn't make it to the news. Howard said they had fun with Steven and someone may eventually pick up on that stuff. It might take a few days. Howard said that they could pick up on it in the tabloids or something. The caller asked if he's going to throw a pitch out on Letterman. Howard said he can't throw a pitch so that won't happen.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that Bobo is a dope and you don't need stereo headphones for your smartphone. He said that Bobo probably got some shitty phone. He said that he hates Bobo. He also thinks that they're all crazy.
Howard asked if he has been tested. Bill said they've tried to figure out what it is that makes him do it. He said that his eyelashes grew back but his scalp hair has some spots that didn't grow back. He said that he shaves his head now. Howard asked what hair he pulls out when his head is shaved. He said he pulls out the facial hair. Bill said that he'll tug at his face. Howard asked about his pubes. Bill said he doesn't pull his pubes. Howard said he pulls out nose hairs to make himself sneeze. He said he loves doing that.
Bill said that the kids would make fun of him for doing what he did. He said it was pretty brutal. Howard asked if he can park in a handicapped space with that. Bill laughed. Howard asked if he's going to be doing this the rest of his life. Bill said it seems that way. He said he doesn't have kids yet but he hopes that it won't get passed on.
Howard said that it's a man's world because Bill is married even though he pulls out his hair. Bill said he got laid for the first time at 17. He said that her wife is a saint. Howard said it sounds awful. Bill said it could be worse. Howard said he's not sure what to tell him other than to just stop. He said he should just ignore what's making him do it and just stop.
Howard said he realized he was slipping back into his OCD recently and he just told himself to stop. It worked. He asked if Bill sees his hair in his doody. Bill said he really just chews on it and doesn't eat it. He said that he knows there are people who do and they get hairball's and stuff. Howard thanked him for calling in and let him go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he looked really ugly on that show last night. He said his Adam's Apple was dropping to his chest the whole time he was talking. Howard said he agrees with this guy even though there are people who say he looked handsome last night. Howard said he knows he's ugly. He thanked the caller for giving his thoughts on that.
Howard took a call from Lilly the frequent Wrap Up Show caller. She thought that Howard looked gorgeous last night. She said that previous caller should be shot. Howard and Lilly talked about that show and about the upcoming Psych tests. She was thinking that Steve might be the crazy one. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had a caller on the line who said he saw that Braco guy smoking a cigarette. Howard tried to get him on the line but he wasn't there.
Howard said that the person who turns out to be the craziest staffer needs to be followed around with the Howard TV cameras. Robin said that she's too boring to be that person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks it's Langford who will be crazy. The caller also said he loves to sneeze like Howard does. Howard said he loves sneezing and it's like getting the poison out. He said he likes being out of control with that and he loves the feeling.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who said he thought he was great on Piers Morgan last night. He also said that you can also keep yourself awake by pulling out a nose hair. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Piers was good at his interviewing. Howard said he thought he did a good job and he enjoyed speaking with him. He said that he wasn't interrupting during the taping but they edited it in a way that made it look like he did.
Howard said he enjoyed the experience. Howard said he will lose ratings but he'll probably go along and keep doing the show. Howard said that they might need to get some good guests on the show. He said that they were promoting George Clooney coming up but that could turn out to be a bad interview if he's not talking about his life. He could end up talking about his political horse shit. Howard said he's interviewed the guy and it wasn't boring because he won't put up with that.
The caller asked if Piers had any hot chicks there on his show. Howard said he did have a woman come into his dressing room and she was his personal publicist. Howard said she was some knock out beauty. Howard said she was hot.
The caller asked what's going on with Artie. Howard said he got a call from him around his birthday and he's doing much better and doing well. He said he's hanging in there. The caller said he was glad to hear that.
Howard said he thinks he's the least nuts. Gary said there is one person who had very high scores in more than one category. He said that the doctor wrote down that this person had a ''severe'' disorder. Howard said he's willing to bet that's Ronnie. Robin said she's willing to take that bet. Howard said she has to choose her person. Robin said she's going with Langford for $50. Howard said that if it's anyone else the bet is off. Robin was fine with that.
Howard said he's been around Ronnie for 20 some years and he knows the guy is nuts. Howard said he could hedge his bet and take Fred. Fred said that he thinks that he's taking himself. Howard said he'll bet Fred on himself and took Ronnie again.
Benjy asked if the doctor based the numbers on her meeting. Gary said there is some interpretation of the numbers.
Robin took herself as being the most normal. Fred said he thinks Howard is. So did Benjy. Robin said Fred could be the most normal. Even Fred didn't believe that. Howard said Benjy is weird. Benjy said he knows he has an eating disorder. Gary said they don't measure that. Benjy said they do too.
Howard said it was time to bring in Langford. Benjy said he thinks that it's Langford who is the craziest. Howard took that bet and took Ronnie again.
Howard wanted to get down to it and bring in everyone. Robin asked who is more normal, her or Benjy. Howard said that's a tough one. Benjy said he would take that bet. Howard said he thinks that Benjy is more normal.
Gary said that he went out to the green room and asked Ronnie and Steve to come in. Ronnie was all worked up that they were keeping him away from the doctor and figured that he was the crazy one. Howard said that they have a bunch of stiffs there since no one was betting.
Howard asked if the doctor is married. She said that she's dating. Howard said Benjy was quite taken with her. He said he was too. Howard asked if her male patients fall in love with her. She said that they don't fall in love but they may be attracted. Howard asked if she's ever fallen for any of her patients. She said she hasn't. She calls them clients.
Howard said he'd want to open up to the doctor to impress her. He asked if that would work. She said that maybe for Howard it would work. She said she was just kidding about that. Ronnie said that's not fair and she's a fan of his.
Howard said that Steve Langford is one of the people that they think could be the crazy one. Steve said that he knows he's odd.
Howard asked about the results and how one of the people came out to be an extreme case. Debbie talked about some of the people she met with and how they came across in the testing. Howard said that he thinks that it's going to be Ronnie who came out the craziest. Howard said he knows it's not him or Robin. Howard got in a plug for Steven Singer jewelers who is sponsoring this segment today.
Howard asked what this test actually tests for and if they can test for borderline. Debbie said that it can. She said that no one in there is borderline. She said that there are some things that come from childhood and upbringing and she thinks that you can be born with a schizophrenic gene and that may or may not come out depending on the way you're brought up. She said that's just her opinion. Debbie said that not everyone believes that.
Robin asked if this test can find out if you have something that you don't know you have. Debbie said that was a brilliant question and it can find out that stuff.
Debbie told them what the test can bring out and what they're testing for. She said that they look for many things in this test and it can reveal many things. Ronnie was wondering why she kept looking at him while she was talking about this. She said she wasn't but Ronnie didn't believe that.
Debbie explained that they all have some of everything on this test. The test goes from 0-115. IF you scores a 65 then you have a lot of it and 75 is clinically significant. Anything above that is very significant.
Howard asked Debbie to announce the most normal first. She said that it's actually Howard Stern. Howard said he knew it. Everyone else figured that the test was bogus and it wasn't working. Debbie said that they test for lies and she didn't think Howard was lying at all. Howard said that he wanted to make out with the doctor now. He said she's proving what he's always said. He said he loves them all but he feels he's losing his mind with them and living in a mental institution.
Debbie said that Howard is the histrionic personality type. He needs to be the center of attention and he needs acceptance and stuff like that. Howard said he's working on that stuff in therapy. Debbie said that he has sexual and seductive behavior too. Debbie said that Howard may not have always scored the most normal. She said that he needs a lot of approval and attention but he's achieved that. She thinks that he's gotten softer over the years. Robin whispered that he's still a mess. Howard said he's more normal than Robin is. He also said that they should just wait to see Ronnie's results.
Howard said he has been working on all of that stuff she mentioned in the results. Howard said that he has no reason to lie on the test. Howard said Robin might be the crazy one. She's jealous of him. She said that he's not that normal and she can't believe that she's crazier than him. Robin said she might be forced to go to therapy. Howard said she never finished her therapy. He said she needs to get back in there.
Next on the list was Steve Langford. He's the second most normal in the room. Debbie said that he scored high in just one category. Steve didn't even have much to say to that. Steve said that he doesn't feel any particular angst. He said he just comes to work and does his job. Howard congratulated him on that.
Gary said that Steve did score a sadistic personalty thing. Debbie said that he has a lot of residual anger inside. She said that he's got obsessive compulsive issues too. She said that he likes to dig into things and she noticed that Steve barely looked at her during the test. Steve said he figured she didn't want to be bothered. Howard said he saw Robin and Fred in there yelling and screaming. He knew they'd be a problem.
Debbie said that in the next 3 people they have personality traits that cancel each other out. She said they may have scored high in one section and low in another. She said the next person on the list is Fred. She said that Fred scored an 83 on the narcissistic section. Howard said that he had a secondary that was a schizotypal or something like that. She said he had a 68 on that one. Debbie said that those two things kind of cancel each other out. Howard said that he knows that Robin is going to be way crazier than Fred.
Gary said that they had Robin, Benjy and Ronnie left to go over. Howard said he thinks Ronnie is going to beat Robin out. Debbie said the next one is a toss up. She said that person is Robin. She said that she may not be thrilled with the results. She scored higher in the narcissism thing. She got a 94 in that section. She also has the histrionic at a 74. Debbie said that balances out the narcissism. Debbie said that they have mini-scales within the scales. She said that Robin cares about people according to the test. She said that gets balanced out by the histrionic thing.
Howard asked if Robin should still have a therapist. Debbie said she thinks that Robin's life is functioning very well. She said that she gets to have her personality shine in the way she's doing thins now. Debbie said that she thinks that therapy could help. Gary said she even had that in her notes.
Howard said Robin beat Benjy and Ronnie. Howard figured Benjy was next and Ronnie would be on top. Debbie said that the next person is Benjy. Howard said he just won a ton of dough on him. Ronnie said he's happy for him. Howard said that he wanted to hear about Ronnie first. Debbie said that Ronnie has been lovely to her so she's sorry about this. Howard said he wants to read this thing. She wrote that his results were ''severe.'' Debbie said he got a 109 on the narcissistic personalty. He had a 79 on the histrionic. She had a 67 on the paranoid and a high one on the paranoia scale. Howard said that he knew he was nuts. Debbie said he had some delusional things on his test. Howard read some of the notes she had about Ronnie. She was embarrassed by that but Howard read them anyway. She wrote that Howard was helping to keep him functioning. Howard read about how Ronnie may experience more problematic behavior if Howard wasn't around. Debbie said the next part was important too. She said that him being security is a good thing because he's suspicious of everyone. She said that his personalty actually helps him with that job. She said that it normalizes the pathology.
Gary asked if anyone has ever scored a 109 on narcissism. She said she has never known anyone to do that but she knows that there have been people that high. Howard said that he thinks that Ronnie needs to get outside help. Ronnie asked if he's going to pay for it.
Debbie told Ronnie that therapy once a week would be hard. She thinks that he should see someone more often. She also said that there's a desirability chart on the test and he scored an 85 on that.
Ronnie said that he was fine before he worked for him and he can say whatever he wants. Ronnie said he functioned way before he met Howard. He said he never got in trouble or anything. He said they can say what they want, he doesn't care. Howard said she said that he's good for Ronnie. Ronnie said that he's just saying that he can function. Debbie said she doesn't know Ronnie but this is what she found. Ronnie said he'd be fine without Howard.
Fred asked about Benjy. Benjy had an 80 on the histrionic part. He had a high score on the anti-social section too. She said that Benjy will be chronically late to work and things like that. EH's trying to get attention in any way he can and that's the way he does it. Howard got back to Ronnie and said that he has issues. He said he knows Ronnie and he sees him every day. Ronnie said he's fine and he's happy for Howard.
Debbie said that the results are one thing but they have to look at their life and see how they're functioning. Howard said that he makes Ronnie complete. Debbie said that it works well around there. Howard said he has surrounded himself with nuts.
Howard took a call from a Mark in Boston who said they should keep Ronnie away from the car until they can test him. He said you don't want him around because you don't know what he's going to be dragged into.
Scott the Engineer came in and asked how they compare to the general population. Before she could answer Howard said that he thinks Debbie would want to be with him. He said he is spoken for though.
Debbie said that she thinks that many people score high on the narcissism thing. She said it's this business in particular. She talked about how that narcissism thing comes out and what people are trying to do. She said that it's really a fragility and a vulnerability inside. She said that the mother didn't give into the child's needs.
Howard asked if Robin can get the narcissism out if she takes enough enemas. Howard said he knows that people are freaked out this morning. Ronnie said that he's not freaked out. He said that he knows that Howard is happy because it turned out the way he wanted it to. He said that it's not saying a lot that he's the healthiest out of the group. Howard said that Ronnie's whole life is Howard Stern. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard told him to go work on himself and warm up the car.
Debbie wanted to say something to Robin. Robin didn't want to hear it. Debbie said that in therapy you can figure out what needs you have and how you can get those needs. Robin went off on Howard saying that Howard had to be in 4 days of therapy until just a few weeks ago. He was in therapy just to get a little bit better than her and Fred. She said it took 11 years to get there too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was surprised that Howard didn't pick Robin as the craziest. He said it's obvious that she's crazy. Howard said that this isn't about crazy, this is a personality disorder thing.
Another caller asked if Robin's 34-Gs help with her desirability. He thought that Robin's narcissism thing proves that Dr. Drew was right about her. Robin said that it wasn't right because Drew said she was the highest in the world. Ronnie scored higher than her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that black people don't need therapy. That's why Robin isn't in it.
Howard thanked Dr. Debbie for coming in. Ronnie said that he wants to take that test to his shrink. Robin went off on Howard again about the way he was bragging about being the lowest. She said that he's like Scott DePace and she knows that he's going to beat people up over this all the time. Howard said he's not crowing about it. He said he's been trying to tell the guys that he sees issues for them. Ronnie said that's not doing anything for him.
Benjy asked why Robin came out below him if she scored higher than him in some of the sections. She said she took the results and also thought about how they function on the show and what she's heard over the past 20 years. She said that Bendy's anti-social stuff was higher than Robin's. Benjy didn't understand why that was but Debbie said that his scores were contributing to the reasons that he doesn't do so well. She said that she doesn't know Benjy personally so she was basing this on the way he acts out on the show.
Howard read some of her notes about how Howard has given him chances on the show that other people may not have given him if he was in another job. Benjy seemed to think that they were just trying to get the results there. Fred also pointed out that Benjy put the wrong birth date on his test. Debbie said she heard them talking about that and she had no idea he had done that.
Ronnie asked for the notes about him so he could give it to his shrink. Howard asked if he like his guy. He said he does. Debbie said that the way they act on the show is part of their personality so she was going on that with the results. She said that she thinks she has a sense of his personality from listening to the show.
Ronnie said that she was saying that he'd be a mess if Howard wasn't there. Debbie said she thinks that if Ronnie was left to his devices that he could be in trouble if Howard wasn't there for him. She said that's just emotionally that she's referring to. She said that doesn't mean he'd literally be a mess and in trouble with the law or anything like that.
Howard said he knows that Ronnie hates him. Debbie thinks that he loves Howard actually. Howard said Ronnie is reliable as hell. He said that he's going to put the divider up whenever he's in the car from now on. Ronnie said maybe he just won't be there for him as much. He'll have someone else drive him.
Howard said he knew all of this was going to come true. He said that the wild card in there was Langford. Howard joked that he was in the hotel room with Debbie last night and he entered her multiple times. Howard said that Debbie has helped him get everyone in line.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his Vinnie Favale impression with Debbie. He also goofed on Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' comments and said 'Scoresman... got a 109!''
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said they have to have a TV show based on Ronnie. Another caller said that this test is bull and the woman knew everything about Howard. He said she knew that he was dependant and all of that. She said that she has the results of the test and she didn't make anything up. Robin said maybe she told him how to answer. Debbie said she didn't do that at all.
Another caller asked about what it says about Howard's personality when his predictions all come true in this. Robin said he lies on these tests and he's very manipulative. Howard asked why she would say such terrible things about him. He said that she gave him true/false questions and he answered them honestly. Howard said he was honest. Robin said he was not. She said she knows Howard better than he knows himself or the doctor. Howard said that she's up there with Benjy and Ronnie. That's not good. Robin said they're all in bad shape. She said that he's in therapy 3 days a week to be in bad shape.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie is just a douche. He said that he pulls this shtick and it's even worse than Benjy's. He said that it gets tiresome. Ronnie told him to just turn the show off then.
Another caller asked if the therapist has ever stripped. She said that she has not. She said she's fairly grounded. Ronnie said that she must be too good for them then. She said that everyone has been very good to her and it's been great meeting them all. Howard said that they had a great experience meeting her too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worries for Howard. He said that he's normal because of the people he has around him. Howard said that's why he had to stay there working. Howard said he took the job for all of them.
Ronnie asked what Howard would do if he didn't have everyone around him. Howard said he would miss everyone and he'd have a hard time with it. That's what he told Piers Morgan too
Howard wrapped up with Debbie and let her get in a plug for her web site. DrDebbie.com. Howard said that Steve must be happy that he came out where he did. He was going to go to break but he took one more phone call. The caller said that he thinks he has a ticking time bomb with Ronnie there. He asked if she has any results that she can compare to the Unabomber or anyone else. She said she doesn't think that Ronnie is going to be a threat or anything like that. She said that Howard is safe with him.
Robin continued to go off on Howard and accused him of being a master of manipulation. She said that he goes to therapy to learn how to analyze everyone else. Howard said that Robin is jealous. He did an impression of his parents talking about how jealous she is of him. Howard gave Debbie some more plugs and went to break.
Howard came back and said he was talking to Baba Booey during the commercials. He was also eating and gloating about his success in the psych exam. Howard said that Robin is so jealous of his results. He said he knows he's not healthy. Robin said he lies on his tests and he thinks he's doing okay when he's not. Howard said she's terrible and that's a mean thing to say. She said it's true.
Howard said that there's a video of this guy singing a song about Sarah Palin to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic. He said that he has someone singing with him and you have to hear the song. Howard said they're a couple of country bumpkins. He played the song and the guy is singing about Palin and they seem to be proud that she doesn't have much of an education. Howard said they figure that Obama went to Harvard so he doesn't know what the working man is feeling. Howard said if he had to choose he'd go with the guy who went to Harvard.
Howard played line after line of the song and analyzed what the guy was singing about. Howard said that the woman singing on the song looks like Benjy. Howard said that Benjy has to be told that he still has a job and he should get back in there. He was out talking to the doctor in the hall. Benjy came back in and Howard told him that this is why he's weird. Benjy said he's not weird. Howard said he can take care of this stuff after the break. Benjy said that he thought they were still in break. Howard said they're not and he should work out his problems after the show.
Howard said he's not sure how Benjy tested better than Robin. He said he's as loony as they come. He said Robin is way more normal than him.
Howard got back to the song and goofed on that some more. Howard read that she went to 5 different colleges in 5 years. He said that's unstable. Howard said that she can't stick to anything. He said that she's a dummy and she's unstable. Howard said you're really fucked up if you go to 5 colleges in 5 years. He said even Van Wilder would laugh at her. Howard said he stayed at the same school at least.
Howard said that the reason she can't cope in college is because she can't cope. Howard said that she's mental times two. He said she's just plain loony. He said he's not sure if she's more loony than Ronnie is though.
Howard played more of the song and sang some of his own lyrics to it. He was pointing out just how crazy Palin and this fan are.
Howard said that he would love to ask Palin why she had to change college every year for 5 years. Howard wondered what could be wrong with the college. He said that clearly shows she has a problem. Howard got some notes from the guys about where she went to college. She started out in Hawaii because of the weather and she didn't like the way the weather was. She transferred to Idaho and did two semesters there. She then moved to another college and then to a community college. Howard said she's an imbecile. Howard said now she wants to be president. Howard said she doesn't like the weather and moves to a new college.
Scott DePace said he thinks that they're out of their minds. He said that she had nothing to do with that shooting last week. Howard said they're not even talking about that. Howard asked if he would vote for her over Obama. DePace said he would. Fred said that's insane. Scott said that's not insane, it's an opinion. Fred said it's an insane opinion. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that Gary told him that Miss America was out in the halls there. He said that she's only 17 and she's super hot. Howard said she acts way older than a 17 year old. He said she acts like a 45 year old. Howard said he felt sad when he watched her on the news. He said that she was thanking her parents for putting her into the pageant business and she has had no childhood. Howard said she's so manufactured that it's freakish. Howard said she looked really good in a bikini though. He said she has that 40 year old hair look but she was hot. Howard said that he'd love to interview her but he's sure he can't. Gary said he'd try.
Howard said the Miss America people don't like him because he named his book ''Miss America.'' Howard said he heard that she was home schooled until last year. He said she just hasn't had a childhood. Howard said she acts like a 35 year old.
Howard said that David Spade will probably get this chick. He gets all of the young chicks when they come to Hollywood. He said he gets a lot of email from David and he always starts it off with ''Hey dummy'' or ''hey idiot.'' He said he's getting kind of tired of that so he's going to have to have a talk with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was listening to the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday and Dr. Oz was saying that you shouldn't pull hair from your nose. She said he was saying that you can get an infection that can go to your brain. Howard said he thinks he has an infection in there now so he might be right.
Howard played the clip which was on FOX 5 there in New York. They were going to show the video while they were live out on the street. Boots started yelling his Baba Booey stuff and a bunch of show references to Robin liking anal and things like that. Then they cut off and went back to the studio.
Howard said Joey got out the Robin Quivers loves Anal thing. Joey said he got spit on and yelled at by the cameraman when he said anal. He said they really don't like that. Howard said Joey got more news in than the reporter did. Joey said they never went back to her out on the street either. Howard asked how he manages to be around the cameras. Joey said he had just gotten out of the subway and saw them there. He said he realized that the ''Booey gods'' were shining upon him. He said he just sees them out on the street all the time. He said you can check out his videos on YouTube by linking through his web site JoeyBoots.com
Howard asked Boots how he's doing. Joey said he's been doing really good the past year. He said he was clean and sober for the whole year.
Boots asked if Howard is going to put anyone in the Artie chair. Howard said he doesn't think he's going to. Joey wanted him to put Shuli in there. Howard said he's fine with the way things are now. Howard said they're not going to do anything with that chair right now.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down what they were going to try and cover today on the show. The main thing was the psych test results of course. He mentioned some of the other stuff from today's show that they were going to try and cover. He brought up DePace's thoughts on Sarah Palin and things like that. Howard said he might jump from a building if Palin gets elected.
Howard said that he was reading about how Regis Philbin has been on TV with the most hours of anyone according to something he read. Howard said that he thinks Kelly Ripa should start her own show when Regis retires. Howard said that they're already talking about a replacement. They're talking about Jeff Probst replacing him. Howard said Jeff is very good. Robin said that Bryant Gumble would be good. Howard said that would be a good one. Howard said Regis is good at what he does. He said that it's not an easy thing to pull off. Robin said she thinks that Gumble has that quality. Howard said they had some other people on the list and people like Sam Champion are on the list. Robin said she wouldn't want him. Howard said maybe Frank Gifford would be good. Howard wondered why Regis is stopping now. He said he is 79 and maybe his wife told him to stop so they can enjoy their lives.
Howard said he thinks that it's going to kill him to retire. He said he thinks that he loves the action and doing the show. Howard said he lives in his building and he heard someone yelling at him asking what he thinks about Regis. Howard said he just walked in and didn't pay attention to the guy. He said it's really none of his business. Howard said maybe Shuli can sit in Regis' chair.
Gary said that he's about to find out if Miss America is going to stop by at 9:30. H said that she may come in for 5 minutes but they can't talk about sex.
Robin got to her news and read about how Mayor Bloomberg was commenting on Regis retiring. Howard had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about Don Kirshner dying. She said that he brought them acts that they liked to see on TV with his concert series. Howard said he wrote a lot of songs for the Monkees. Robin said he recruited people to write songs for them. They spent a few minutes talking about all of his accomplishments.
Howard said he heard that Lauren Hill pissed off her fans again. She showed up to her show at 12:30am after the show was supposed to start at 8. Richie Wilson went to see her and wrote him a note about that. Howard said he used to think she was the hottest.
Robin read about how the Octomom has done a dominatrix type video that she's going to be selling. Howard said that sounds weird. He said that she has to support herself somehow though. Robin said she's on camera with a guy in a diaper and she's beating him with a whip. She nurses him with a bottle and things like that too. Howard wondered what they could pay her for that. He said it's probably enough to pay for food for her kids for one day.
Howard read some more notes about the Lauren Hill thing. Howard read that the fans didn't know her songs because she changed them so much. She got booed and people stomped out of the show angry. Howard said she was so talented and sexy. He wondered what happened to her. He said it's such a shame.
Robin read a story about polygamy and how there are a lot of people in Utah who are practicing that. She said that there are people in Utah trying to get that changed. They're trying to turn it from a felony into a misdemeanor. She had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard had some audio of Lauren Hill telling her fans that she was worth the wait when she showed up a couple of hours late to her show. Hill was going on and on about how much goes into bringing the show to the people and how sometimes it's delayed. She said she thinks she's worth the wait.
Robin read a story about Sargent Shriver dying so that led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression for a few minutes. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Howard Stern taking some shots at Jay Leno on the Piers Morgan show. She had some clips from that interview that they played. Howard was going off on Jay and how he doesn't know how Jay is beating David Letterman. He said his viewers must be in a coma. She had some other clips from Howard's interview that they went through. Howard talked about how the radio show makes him crazy and he doesn't really like doing the show. He said that it's not enjoyable and he doesn't think he does a good job when he goes home.
Robin read a story about people being addicted to Facebook and Twitter. She said that they have an addiction to checking their accounts and one woman's son drowned in a bathtub while she was checking her account. She was arrested for that. Howard said Mark McGrath is always on his account. He said he likes to talk about sports. Howard said people put up quotes all the time so he put up some quotes. He said he put up some Banksy quotes. He said that he likes that guy and he has some interesting thoughts.
Robin read about how Huntington Beach, California is thinking about shaming people for being arrested for drunk driving by posting mug shots on a Facebook page.
Robin read a story about a law grad being denied a law license because he had too many loans. He can't even take the BAR exam. Howard said he can't pay it back if he can't work. Howard said he went to a lawyer the other day who was a 2200 in chess. He said he didn't have to say more when he heard that. Howard said that the guy doesn't play anymore though so he figured he was good to go with him.
Robin read a story about Gabrielle Giffords husband saying that he thinks that she'll be back at work soon. Robin had some audio of him talking about what she does with his wedding ring when he's in her hospital room. Howard said this is amazing that she's doing so well after being shot in the head. Robin said they say that it's a miracle that she survived the shooting. Howard said it really is. Robin had more audio clips of her husband talking about how he's not sure how he's going to tell her what happened. They spent a few minutes talking about that and then Howard did another live commercial.
Robin read a story about Joe Lieberman possibly retiring. Howard said he heard that Miss America has left the building. Gary said that the CEO of Miss America wasn't up for it but Miss America was up for it and her people were up for it. Howard said he could have had some fun with that. Howard said he would have kept it clean too.
Robin read about Leiberman and Howard said he had actually made it Howard Stern day back when he was on WCCC. He said that was before he was known as the devil though so later on Leiberman didn't like him.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to do with her old phone if she gets a new phone. Robin said there are places you can turn them in. That led into a commercial for Gazelle.com.
Robin read some news about how they're going to try and bring a wooly mammoth to life using DNA. Howard said they should bring back Kinison, not a mammoth. Howard said he has a necklace from Sam so that may have some DNA on it. Howard said if he doesn't then Jessica Hahn may have his DNA on her somewhere.
Robin read about Tiger Woods going through his ex-wife's diary and obsessing about her. Robin said that Elin is saying that he snuck into her home to read that diary. Howard asked if Tiger is normal on any level. He said he might be entirely whacked out of his head. Robin said that Tiger claims that he just brought the kids back to the house and he didn't go through her stuff. Howard said she's super hot. Howard said that Tiger is going to miss her because she's so hot.
Robin said that Ricky Gervais is putting an end to the rumors that they won't have him back on the Golden Globes. Ricky said that he's not going to do it again and twice was enough for him. Howard said he figured he'd have to clear his jokes before going out. Robin said that's what she thought so maybe they're just letting him take the blame.
Robin read about Justin Timberlake being asked if he's going to get back to music. He will eventually but he's working on acting right now. She had some audio of his manager talking about what Justin is up to. Howard said that kid is having the life. He was banging that Jessica Biel. Robin said she thinks that they're still together.
Robin read about how there might be an NFL lockout at the end of the season. She had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said that they should stick together and do what they have to do. Robin agreed.
Robin read a story about Cher's new song and played some of that. the song was from the movie Burlesque. Howard said that movie looks horrible. He said that Christina Aguilera looks like she got stung by bees or something. Robin said Ronnie is probably swooning out in the hall hearing the song.
Robin read about Reba McEntire covering a song and played some of that. Howard said that was weird with her singing about wanting to be a man.
Robin had Howard play some Justin Bieber music. Howard said he sounds like a chick. Robin said someone saw him buying condoms. The kid is only 16. Howard said it used to be embarrassing to buy them. He said you had to be old enough to buy them. Robin said that he's apparently dating an 18 year old, Selena Gomez. Robin said that he has a nail polish line out and it's been selling out. Howard said that's weird. He wondered if it was for guys. Robin said it's for girls. Howard did another live commercial.
Robin read a story about American Idol starting tonight. They have new judges and new contestants. Robin said that they will start with a 2 hour premiere tonight. J-Lo has a new album coming out too. Robin had some of her new single that she had Howard play. Robin said that another artist is claiming that she may have ripped off her song. Robin had the two songs to compare. Howard didn't seem to care.
Robin had some audio of Ashton Kutcher talking about a new movie he's in. Howard played some of those clips but not for long.
Robin had some audio of J-Lo talking about working on American Idol. They went through that for a few seconds. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Gary said he thinks that Ronnie is going to be tagged as the nutty one now and he's not happy about that. Gary said he took a test like this years ago and it was like 600 questions. He said it was like 200 questions asked 3 different ways. Gary said that this test was probably similar to that. Benjy said this one was like 160 questions.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks the doctor's looks got in the way of this test. Benjy didn't think they did with the test. He said that she was talking about how he was more normal than Robin but he was going to be worse because of the things he had done on the show. Gary said he can't complain about his ranking and not comment on the test. Benjy said that he wants all of the scores out there and posted for everyone to see. Gary said maybe they don't all want them posted.
Jason said they did say the numbers on the air so they could list them on the web site. Gary said he thinks that the doctor would be uncomfortable posting her comments. Jason said the raw numbers were totally objective though so they could post them. Jason said that Robin and Benjy were very close and Robin came out where she did because of that.
Gary asked Benjy if he would be happy if he and Robin switched places. He said he would so Gary just switched them. Gary said that Ronnie's numbers were off the charts so he's not even close to him. Gary said that he saw everything. Benjy said he wants all of the results posted. Gary said it's not for him to say. Benjy said he thought they had already agreed to do that. Jon said he wanted to move on.
Jon said that Robin put out that she was the most normal and thought she was going to come in better than Howard.
Jon gave the results of the test and ran down where everyone came in. The big ''winner'' was Ronnie. Jon said that it has to hurt on some level. Ronnie said that it bothers him in a way that people are going to look at him in a different way. He said that's the only thing that bothers him. He said he doesn't care that much about the results themselves.
Gary said that it must have bothered him on the way into work today. Ronnie said he had no idea where he was going to fall and it wasn't bothering him at all. Jon asked if he was surprised by the 109 on the narcissism section. Ronnie said he had no idea where any of that was going to come out. Gary said he didn't see him getting a 109. That surprised him.
Gary said that the only person who really doesn't care how he's perceived is Ralph. Jon said he thinks that Ralph cares. Jason certainly cares. Jon said he thinks that everyone cares there. Jason said he used to care more than he does now. He said he had to stop caring so much about what people think about him.
Benjy said they could have months of fun with this stuff on the show. He wants them to put out all of the numbers. He said they have no idea what those numbers really mean. Gary said they do because the doctor told them what they mean. Benjy said they really don't know though.
The guys talked about how little Steve Langford reacted to the results. They were also talking about how mean Robin was being to Howard. Jason said he thinks that she was being really cruel and she just kept hammering him on that.
Benjy kept arguing about the results and Jason wondered why he was the expert all of a sudden. Benjy said that the doctor threw out some questions and you just can't do that.
Fred came in and said that he thinks that the doctor was right on the money with some of the things that she was saying. He said he has been to therapy and he's worked on some of that stuff. He said that they over analyze most of this stuff. Gary said that once you're tagged on the show with anything, you're that forever. Fred said that he's tried to be a better person over the years. Gary said he really has and he isn't that shy person he used to be.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's not going to dispute what the doctor said about the tests but he thinks that she was wrong about Ronnie falling apart if he didn't have Howard. Gary said he thinks that what she was saying is that Ronnie found a good job for himself and if that went away then his life might fall apart in different ways.
The caller said that he continues to find employment and he was in the military so he thinks that she's wrong about that. Gary said he got out of it that if he had to do another job then life might not be that great for him and his personality might change.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that he's a paranoid person. Ronnie said he is a little bit. He said he thinks that he can't truest people and he has to be leery of people. Jon said that makes him good at his job. Gary said that he has to make sure that nuts don't get through and that's what he does. They had to take a break a short time later.
A caller said that he thinks Benjy is crazier than Ronnie. He said that Benjy has had the results handed to him and he thinks that they're all nuts because the results are wrong. Benjy said that's not what he said. The caller said that Benjy wants to be where Howard is and he wants to be number one. He said that's why he shows up late to work and does the shtick thing. He said that's why he's crazier over the results than Ronnie is.
Benjy said that he can't argue with the results. Jon asked what he was talking to the doctor about out in the hall after that segment. Benjy said he was just talking to her about the results and why she ranked him where she did. Ronnie asked why he's so obsessed with that. Benjy said he knows how things go on the show and all he's asking for are the results to be posted.
Jon asked Ronnie if people are acting differently toward him. Ronnie said that he has a camera following him constantly now. Gary said that's what Howard asked them to do. He said they would have followed anyone around if they had come out on top.
Jason said he was blown away when he got the results back. He said everyone pinged in one or two categories but Ronnie did it in 4 or 5. He said that it was the fact that he had so many more problems than anyone else. He said he felt bad for Ronnie but not scared of him. Ronnie said that he is going to therapy once a week and it was way before this that he decided to go. He said he thinks that it has helped. He said his therapist has a really ugly beard and it's not a chick.
Ralph called in and said that Howard seems to be a magnet for crazy people. Fred said he sounds like Jackie now saying the show is like flypaper for the walking wounded. Ralph said Howard is great at orchestrating and manipulating. Fred said he thinks that Howard was brilliant on Piers Morgan's show last night and that showed off his skills. Ralph said that Piers was talking about mixing it up with him right away and that was just the wrong thing to do.
Ralph was saying that Howard knows the right thing to say so he thinks that he could have made that test come out the way he wanted. Ralph said he knows that he's crazy and he thinks that he could come out perfectly normal if he took it. Jason and Gary said they don't think that he could do that. The test is made to bring out the truth. Benjy said he could have answered differently but he was answering truthfully. He said he could have manipulated the test.
Ralph said that Robin probably answered truthfully and that's why she's really crazy. Gary asked who else the audience would be interested in hearing about in this test. Sal, Lisa G, Tim Sabean and others were brought up. Jason said he'd like to see Ross Zapin take that test. Fred said he thinks that he's a sweetheart. Jason said he does too but he'd like to see the results. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Joan Rivers was going to be stoping by this morning. He said he was reading about how she got kicked off FOX and Friends. He said that they have a lot of stuff to talk about this morning too.
He said that he's really tired today. He was out celebrating last night about his psychiatric evaluation. Howard said Robin was really mean yesterday. She was out in the halls screaming about the whole thing. He played audio of her talking about how she doesn't believe what went on. She said that Howard can't function by himself. She said she has an army of people that have to help him out. Howard said it's not like Robin can run her own life either. In the clip Robin was going off on Howard and the way he has to deal with his life with 3 days of therapy a week.
Howard said Robin is really bad. She went to therapy for just a year and a half. Howard said she's carrying on like this and she only went for 18 months.
Howard said he got some email about this. He read through some of that and they think that Robin belongs in Belvue. The fans were saying that Howard needs therapy too. Howard said that they took a test to evaluate their condition and Robin is comparing herself to him. Howard said she's ''severe'' and needs help. Robin said she's not going to get it. Howard told her she really should get help.
Howard said that if they went on the raw data then Robin would have been right up there with Ronnie. Robin said that anti-social is a very bad category to get a bad score in and Benjy had that. Benjy said it's really not. He went off about that and Howard said that Benjy is worse than J-Lo on American Idol. Howard said he only made it through 30 minutes of last night's show. Howard said Steven Tyler was a breath of fresh air. He said it was interesting to see him but it would have been really good if he was on with Simon.
Robin said that Steven is very good and he's a real American Idol. Howard said that J-Lo is saying that it's too hard all the time. He said it's all about her and she's posing all the time. He said Randy is a nice guy but he's really not a judge. Howard said he should be the host and they should fire Ryan Seacrest. Howard said they need a voice of reason on the show and no one on the show does that. Howard said the show will do okay though.
Howard said that they seemed to be more vicious than even Simon was. Howard said they were making comments and laughing at people. He said they were taking slow people and hitting them over the head. He said there's a way to handle them and they were spending too much time with those people. Howard said they're demeaning and condescending.
Howard said he thinks the heyday is over for that show. He said he did love Steven on the show though. He said that was the positive addition to the show. Overall it doesn't work though. He said he thinks that Simon should go head to head with that show. Robin said Simon has said he does want to trounce that show.
Howard said that Beth told him about who was there seeing the play and they must have all felt the embarrassment. Robin said you want to be there when something goes wrong. Howard said the show is already over 3 hours and then it goes on even longer when someone gets stuck. Beth told Howard that the guy stayed in character and pretended he was Spider-Man the whole time he was stuck.
Howard said they clearly don't know what the fuck they're doing over there. Howard said they have to fix this or shit can the whole operation. Howard said Beth told him that he'd never go see this play. Howard said she's right.
Howard said he can't imagine investing in this thing and they can't even fix the problems. He said he understands having kinks in the beginning but it's been going on for months now. Howard said he wouldn't let anyone leave if they didn't fix it.
Howard said he's very upset with the NY Post app he has on his iPad. He said that they don't update the paper on the app early in the morning. He said they give you the opportunity to give the paper your own headline. He was having fun with the Regis story.
Howard said he feels that Regis is going off to die now that he's retiring. Howard said it's really sad. He said that the guy is really old and this is his goodbye. Robin said it's like Johnny Carson. He went off to his yacht and just went off to die. Howard said he thought the whole thing was kind of morbid. He felt bad for Regis. He was hoping to see him in the building but he didn't see him. Howard said he may have gone away somewhere.
Gary told Howard they had some audio of Robin talking about Howard to Lisa G. Howard said she was really bad mouthing him. In this clip Robin was going off on him about how he can't do anything himself. Howard said he doesn't understand this. Robin said he can't even use an ATM card. Howard said it's weird for him to go to an ATM. He said before he was famous he did everything himself. Howard said he used to do all of that stuff. Howard said he has money on him now and he can bet her about the psych exam.
Robin said that Howard never stayed with the kids when he was married to his ex-wife and she'd go away. Howard said that he did stay with them but he had help too. Howard said he had to work. Robin said that Howard wasn't able to do anything himself. Howard asked Robin where her kids are. He said that she wouldn't be capable either.
Howard said that Robin has assistants and she has gone through so many over the years. Howard said he's had one for 25 years. Robin said that Howard was a mess when he went on vacation. Gary said that Robin has left vacations early too. Howard said that Robin is focusing on him and she should be focusing on herself. Howard said she acts like she doesn't have anything to work on. Robin said that he's gloating that he's normal and he's not normal. Howard said that he wants Robin's scores again. He said they were very severe. He said she was second to Ronnie. Robin said they weren't that bad and the doctor even said that the scores offset each other.
Howard said that the doctor was being nice about Benjy and Robin's numbers saying that Robin was in better shape. Robin said she's coping better than Benjy in every part of her life.
Howard said that doctor was really cute. He said that he could never go to a female psychiatrist. He said that his shrink told him that he'd try to seduce her. Howard said that he only spoke to her for a minute during the exam. Howard said he figures he'd be thinking about fucking her and it would go badly. Robin said he'd end up in the papers.
Howard said that she was very good looking. He could never go to someone that hot. He wondered if you still get charged if you start fucking your shrink. Robin figured that he'd have to keep paying.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys are doing a lot of behind the scenes stuff and they were asking the doctor if she would date Benjy. She said no. Benjy said he didn't like the way that she handled that test. Howard said he heard him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday ranting about that. He said he wouldn't let it go.
Robin said she heard that the doctor threw out some questions that he felt they were joking about in the test. Robin said that she didn't know what that explanation was. Howard said Benjy is going on like a lunatic. He said he made his point and that's that. Benjy said he obviously doesn't care about his results. Howard said that the only person whose life is changing is Ronnie's. Howard said Benjy was carrying on way too long on the Wrap Up Show. He repeated to Benjy ''brevity'' over and over again.
Howard said that Ronnie is the crazy one now. He played a song parody they put together with Ronnie ranting and laughing to the song ''Crazy.''
The caller told Howard that last week he was dead asleep when Howard picked up on him. He said he thinks that Lisa G isn't getting anyone because she has big pussy lips that hang down like veal cutlets. He said his ex-wife saw her in a health club in the 90s and they told him about them. He told Robin to check it out for him. Howard said he'll ask her about it.
The caller asked where all of the wack packers are at lately. Howard said they heard from Beetlejuice and he wants to come in. Howard said they'll get him in there soon. Howard said he got an email from Sal about working with Beetlejuice over the weekend. He said that Beetle wants to come back on the show and he misses them. Howard said they have booked him to do the show.
Howard said Sal wrote him a note about shooting a movie with him. Sal told him about how Beet saw a turkey being cooked on TV and said that it ''smelled good.'' He also beat off in the shower and told his manager that it was an accident. He also hates Obama. Sal also said that he stuck his dick in a box and had Beetle reach in and grab it. Howard said he doesn't like that. He got one over on Beetlejuice and that's not hard to do.
Howard asked the caller how his wife and sister found out about Lisa G's pussy lips and if they could come in and have a sketch artist draw them up. The caller, Ox, said that's what they told him. He said he's not sure if it's true or not but that's what he heard. Howard and Robin didn't believe it.
Howard had Lisa G come in to explain. Lisa came in and asked if it looks like she'd have something like that. Howard said no. Lisa said she never went to a gym downtown either. Ox said that's what he was told. Howard asked Lisa if she wanted to show Robin. Lisa wasn't interested in doing that.
Howard asked Lisa if she cares about meeting a guy. Lisa said it would be nice but it's tough. Ox said she's a prude and asked when she had her tits sucked last. Lisa laughed and asked who this guy is. Howard said Lisa should go out with this guy. Ox is the guy who has MS and he's stuck in a wheelchair. Howard said he should be in a wheelchair like Ox. Howard said he never leaves his chair.
Ox said he'd take Viagra and fuck her in the ass. Howard said he knows what Lisa needs. Gary said that Lisa is the voice of NY Health and Racquet but she claims she's never been to one. Lisa said she has been to one but she hasn't worked out in one and she hasn't changed her clothes in one. Ox asked how big her clit is. Lisa just laughed.
Ox told Lisa he'd eat her out for 3 hours. Howard asked why he'd want her if her pussy lips don't even fit in her pants. Lisa said maybe she could get labia plasty if she had that. She was laughing and giggling at all of this while they were talking about her.
Howard said they should have a camera crew follow her around to see her veal cutlets. Howard asked when she was on a date last. Lisa said it was a few months ago. Ox said he'd give her a fuckin' date. Howard thanked Ox for the offer. He said they do have his number. Howard said the guy has money too. He thought he had a delivery route. Ox said he was a mail man. He said that he had chicks that he'd fuck on his route. He said that he had a woman who would fuck him and the UPS guy.
Howard let Ox go a short time later. He said that Lisa would be really sick if she ran over to his place. Howard said he doesn't think women get turned on when you tell them that you're going to fuck them in the ass. He said that he would tell women that he was going to fuck women in the pussy and that works. Howard said that he'd just go over and talk. He said he had it easy when he was famous. Howard said he was shopping for a chair when he was single and this chick ran up to him and gave him her number. Howard said she was hot and he never did call her. He said that it would have been creepy if he had. He said she could have been mental for all he knows. He said that he does have power.
Howard said that one day Lisa will find her man. Lisa said he can help. Howard said that Robin may find her man some day too. Howard said he has to help her before he helps Lisa. Howard said he can only handle one at a time.
Howard said he got a note from a smoking hot friend who said she's having trouble finding guys too. Howard said he doesn't meet that many guys for these women. He said he knows tons of guys from the gym but he brought one to Robin and she wasn't interested. Howard said he has Benjy sitting there too. Robin said that Benjy wouldn't marry them. Lisa said she got upset about Benjy's ratings yesterday and she thinks that he has very anti-social tendencies and that upset her. Benjy said that it didn't go over the level and they're not that bad. He said that it just means that he's independent. Howard said it means you're fucked up like Hinkley. Benjy said it doesn't mean that and he doesn't understand the test. Howard said that Benjy is a fucking nut and he's really weird. He said he should embrace it.
Howard said he's done with this Benjy thing and with Lisa. He said he's glad she doesn't have big pussy lips. He said she looks good today too with her hair blown out. Howard let her go after that. Howard said that she has squashed the rumors about her big pussy lips.
Howard said he's going to be doing the Jimmy Kimmel show via satellite and he's going to be doing that soon. He'll be on Letterman on February 3rd. He said that he'll be on Kimmel on the 28th of February and Jon Stewart (The Daily Show) on March 3rd. He said he'll do Jimmy Fallon on March 17th.
The caller told Howard he has an iPhone and he has the Sirius XM app and loves it. Howard said it's a pretty cool thing and it's like having a portable radio now. Howard said these smartphones are great. He said he can't wait to get his magazines and newspapers on his apps. Robin said that she might make an appointment at the Apple store and take a lesson to learn how to do stuff on her iPad. Howard said he may have to go with her.
Howard said that you need innovators around and this guy came up with the iPhone, iPod, iPad and all of this. He said that everyone has a tablet coming out now that the iPad is such a hit. He said that they all copy what Apple does.
Gary told Howard that the Apple store helps you out no matter what you bring in there. They don't ask for a receipt or anything like that. Benjy said they gave him a plug for free when he went in to replace a broken one. Robin said that they have no problem replacing products when they break. Gary said he's had some luck with them helping him out too.
Howard said that YouPorn is the best. He uses his iPad to watch porn on there. Howard said the first time he was on he put in Jenna Jameson and names like that. He said he found some Bree Olson stuff. He said that he found Little Caprice on there too and he's been watching her and Bree. He said that Jenna and Little Lupe aren't on there. He said he was talking to a friend of his about YouPorn and he types in themes to find things like Babysitters. Howard said he tried that out the other night and checked out those videos. Howard said he saw one where this hot babysitter was fucking the husband and the wife finds out and tells the girl to suck her husband off in front of her. Howard said that the wife was helping out and playing with the babysitter's tits. That's as far as he got because he came after that. Howard said he loves this YouPorn. He said that it's so easy to get this porn now.
Howard said he loves the restraining videos. He said that he's not sure why but he likes that. Howard said that the girls usually get untied and fucked.
JD came in and told Howard about a site they have access to that has restraint videos. Howard said that they should have had JD take the psych test. JD said they didn't ask him to take it. He told Howard he's off his meds now and he doesn't have to take anything anymore. Howard said he applauds him for that. Howard said he got over his issues. Howard said JD got mugged but he got over it. Howard said it was years after he got mugged that he had issues though. He said it was a delayed reaction. JD said it wasn't that. He said he had this feeling before and he was able to take care of it.
JD said he felt like he had knots in his stomach all the time. Howard said he had that feeling when he had to go to school. He said he knew he'd be in a fight that day and he wasn't in the mood for that. He said he should have gone to jujitsu class when he was in school. He said they did take him to one and no one spoke English there. Howard said he told this story. He said that his feet were always dirty and his toenails were too long and they told him they were like weapons. JD said he was like Wolverine. Howard said he went to the class and his parents were humiliating him. Howard said his parents didn't know about his dirty feet. He said he tried to clean them before going to that class but he didn't cut his nails.
Howard said that all of these kids were doing all kinds of crazy stunts in the class. He said that the guy running the class did a demo for him and he just didn't want to do it. Howard said the whole thing was a disaster so he didn't go to class. Howard said he could have been like a Jean Claude Van Damme. Howard said his parents never explained to him that they would have taught him how to do all of those stunts. Howard said he figured he had to know how to do it on his own.
Howard said if he had a teacher like Mr. Miagi to teach him then it would have worked. He said the idiots running the class didn't know how to market it. He said that when he'd get beat up his parents would go off on him for not learning in that class. He did his impression of his parents talking to him about all of that. He did it like they were talking to him on the phone.
Howard said that he took piano lessons too and the teacher knew he didn't want to be there. Howard said the whole thing has been a nightmare. Howard said that his father would tell him that he would have done anything for lessons when he was a kid. He did more of his impressions after that. He had his dad talking about how he would go to school in two left shoes and things like that. His mom would talk about how she and her sister had nothing. He had his mom and dad going back and forth with their sob stories. Howard said that they'd suck the fun right out of anything he did.
Howard said that his dad did tell him that he was a genius after his movie came out. Robin didn't remember that. Howard said that he knows he told her. Howard said that his mom will call him on his birthday and he'll tell her that it's really her day since she gave birth to him. He said she'll take credit for that stuff too. He said that she tells him that he has her father's eyes and looks like him. Howard said that he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and played a new Little Mikey song parody about Robin. Howard said that The two guys who write songs about Robin are Mikey and this guy Psych. Howard said that they're apparently having a feud. Howard said he asked them to come on the air with him so he can work this out.
Howard had Psych on the phone and he said he was sick from hearing that song that he had just played. Howard asked Mikey to say hi too. Howard played some of Mikey's songs and Psych said he was going to hang up. Mikey accused him of stealing some of his songs. Howard asked Psych what his problem is. Psych said he had no problem with him but Mikey accused him of stealing his song. He's not even sure what song he stole. Mikey said it's the For The Longest Time Billy Joel song.
Psych said he tries to hit songs up the next day. He said that he doesn't remember Mikey's songs. He said he's only been on since December of last year so he doesn't know everything that's been going on. He said he has to tell Mikey to leave him alone in the email. Howard asked how he even got the email. Mikey said he never threatened him. Psych said he sent the email to Sal. He told Howard to have him bring in.
Psych said that he sent some songs into Sal and he played one on the air. He said that he figured Sal was the guy to send the songs to.
Howard asked Mikey why this bothers him because they play his stuff all the time. Mikey said he thinks that his songs are better and Psych doesn't really do anything new with his songs. Robin said he has great production values. Mikey said that he doesn't change the lyrics that much. He doesn't change them that much. Psych said that they're about Robin and he doesn't have to. Howard played his cover of Big Big Bang which was one that Mikey complained about.
Psych said that he has raised the bar for song parodies and they have to admit that. He said that Mikey thinks that he can keep him off the show and it's just not right. He also said that he heard Howard saying that Mikey might get a job there. Howard said that he was in a meeting and someone mentioned that he wanted a job and he thought it would be a good idea. He said that he told the guys to talk to Mikey about a job. He said it has nothing to do with Psych. Psych said he has a job but he would like to be more integral to the show. He said he'd like to have celebrities do song parodies. He played a new one he did yesterday.
Psych said that he'd like to get the celebrities to do parodies. He said that all they'd have to do is hear the song and do some lines. Howard said it won't work. He said that they're not going to play along with his ideas. Howard said they're not going to sing about cumming on Robin's face. Psych said that they could even email the stuff. Howard said that Mikey is talented too.
Psych said that he's really a musician so he plays everything in the songs. Mikey said he's a musician too. He said he plays guitar on his tunes. Psyche said that he can tell he does the karaoke stuff. Psyche said that he plays all of the instruments on almost all of his songs. He said he didn't do it for the Big Big Bang but just about everything else. He had Howard play one of his Billy Joel song covers. Howard played that and got some laughs out of that.
Psych told Howard about how much effort he puts into his songs and how he can do impressions of people singing. He said Mikey doesn't do that. Mikey said he's an original and he doesn't have to rip people off and steal songs.
Howard asked Mikey if he has been sending emails to Psych. He said he has but he's just letting him know that he's re-doing his songs. Psych asked if they have his cover of ''For the Longest Time.'' Howard actually did have that one so he played it. Mikey's version was good. Howard said that he liked that one so Psych said that he should take a poll and ask the fans to vote.
Howard asked Mikey which song is his favorite. Mikey told him to pull up Nuts On Her Chin and another one. Psych said that Robin said that he's her favorite. Howard asked if that's true. Robin said he is her favorite. Howard played Mikey's ''Nuts On Her Chin'' and said that Mikey has a funny singing voice. He said that anything he sings is hysterical. Howard asked if they would ever work on a song together. Psych said he wouldn't do that. He said he's just going to keep writing better songs.
Mikey said he never said he was going to try and keep him off the show. Psych said he has. Mikey said that he's lying about him right now. Psych said he's not lying. He asked Sal to bring in that email if he has it. Sal wasn't responding to his request.
Sal eventually came in and said that he hasn't seen this email that he's talking about. He said he just got a description of the email that he claims Mikey sent to him. Mikey said that Psych hasn't seen one either. Psych said that Mikey said that he has a way to get him off the show. Mikey said he never said that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks he blows both of those guys away. His connection was really bad though so Howard had to hang up. Another caller asked Robin which song is her favorite out of the two guys. Psych said he has 63 songs. Robin said Mikey has like a billion.
Psych asked why Howard plays the Richard Christy songs. Howard said he does some good ones. Psych said he didn't like that one. Howard said that Richard does some of the funniest KC songs he's ever heard. He said that he did KC's Gay and others.
Psych said that it takes time away from him and Mikey when he plays those. Howard said that's the way competition goes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to give Mikey his props and he has been around for a while. Howard said that Mikey might feel kind of territorial about his songs. Howard asked Mikey why he won't work with Psych. Mikey said that he's lying about stuff and he doesn't work with liars. Psych just laughed.
Howard said he's going to play a couple of their tunes to celebrate them. Robin said she likes Mikey's voice and Psych's production values. She said that you can see his work in his songs. Another caller said that they're ruining this whole thing by arguing about it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's a big Little Mikey fan and she asked him to write her a new song. Howard had to hang up on her when she started to sing. Mikey said he has a song for Mariann actually.
Howard played some of Mikey and Psych songs. He went back and forth with their stuff like a mini battle of the bands.
After playing a bunch of their stuff Howard said that they should both be flattered with themselves. Robin said that neither one should be jealous. Psych said he'll bury the hatchet. He said that he heard Mikey doing the parodies and he inspired him. He said that if he didn't hear him then he wouldn't have done them. He said that he may not have even gotten them on the air if Sal didn't listen to them. He said he sent them to Jason and Gary too and they didn't get them on the air. Howard said that he has to have a meeting with them about that. He said he's going to do a full investigation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these guys obviously have no life. He said that Mikey has no production but that's what made Ham Hands Bill so great. Howard said he loves a feud.
Psych asked Mikey if he has a job. Mikey said he does. Psych said he puts a lot of time into his songs and he barely gets any sleep. Howard said all he knows is that he's talented.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that they're both great. Howard said he loves that they have a feud. Psych got in a plug for his web site PsychMusic.com. Mikey got in a plug for his site too... LittleMikeyOnline.com. Mikey said that Psych has Howard's voice on his site. Psych said he was trying to bury the hatchet with him and he goes and does that.
Anther caller said that they have to stop with this complaining and just leave it alone. He said he writes songs for Gary and they're not creating anything new there.
Robin said she can't believe this. Howard thanked the guys for the call and said they're fans of both of them. Howard said he wanted to talk to Joan Rivers who had just shown up. He went to break after that.
Joan came in so Howard asked her about Regis retiring and what she thinks about that. She said that she hopes he's not being forced out. She said that they should be shot dead if that's the reason. Howard said that he has had health problems so maybe it's that. Joan said that he lives across the street from the studio so it's not that hard. Howard said that it has to be getting hard for him at his age. Joan doesn't believe that's the problem.
Howard said Joan is getting up there in age and it must be hard to sound contemporary. Joan said she tries. Howard said some old people sound ''old'' and Joan doesn't. He said he was watching her new reality show and he was enjoying it until the DVD player locked up. He said he was looking at Melissa's lifestyle and she's done some things on her own but she can't be making that much. Joan said she has a couple of jobs and her father left her well off. Joan said that Edgar left her nothing but left Melissa some decent money so she can live well. She said she doesn't even have to send Melissa anything because she's so well off. Howard said that Joan was the money maker in the marriage though. Joan said that Edgar was a trust fund baby and they had a lot of money.
Howard asked if Melissa has to work. Joan said she has that work ethic and that's great. Howard said Melissa has a nanny that's super hot. Howard said she should be careful because she has a boyfriend.
Howard asked if Joan has moved to L.A. Joan said she has rented out her house in Connecticut. She said nothing in the house matches so that's what makes it charming.
Howard asked Joan if she's worth over 20 million. Joan said that she's not. She said that everyone else is a rich woman but she's still there asking her manager ''how much?'' Joan said that Melissa is probably worth more than her. Howard said this is an amazing revelation. Robin said she has to be wealthy. Joan said she gets a percentage of the sales of her jewelry but she lives well so it doesn't last. Howard said that she's not a good money manager then. Joan said she has a great time and she lives well. She said that she has done off Broadway stuff and she'd rather do that than go out to Las Vegas and do a big show.
Howard said that Joan was doing Vegas and doing a lot of dates out there. Howard said David Brenner is a wealthy guy from what he does. He said that Joan is ''Joan Rivers'' and he must have had her pegged wrong. Joan said she works hard and enjoys her money.
Howard asked Joan if she ever had anything sexual with Johnny Carson. Joan said she never did. Howard asked her more about Regis and if she thinks that someone will take over his spot. She said that Anderson Cooper would be great. Howard said he never even thought about him.
Howard asked Joan if she watches pop culture stuff on TV like American Idol. Joan said that show was the most boring show last night. Howard said that Joan used to be the innovator about going out on the red carpet and make fun of people. then they got rid of her for not being politically correct.
Joan said that they had publicists who would keep people from her for saying things about other celebrities. She said that she and Melissa left their show because they were lied to by the people at the TV Guide channel.
Howard said he heard that Joan was defending Ricky Gervais' performance at the Golden Globes. Howard said he thought that he was ballsy but not particularly funny. Joan said that if it was Steve Martin who did those jokes then they would have been fine with it. Howard said Ricky didn't nail it and he didn't get the job done.
Joan said she hosted the Emmys once and they rip you apart. Howard said you have to know your crowd. Howard said Bruce Willis had to put up with being called Ashton Kutcher's father. He said that he's not there to be roasted. Howard said that the draw of that show is the celebrities. He said there is a way to finesse those jokes and Ricky didn't pull it off.
Howard said he's very proud of himself for booking Joan on his show hen no one else would. Howard said he saw her on Letterman and he knows that she was happy to be back on late night TV. Howard said he wanted her to himself when he saw her on Letterman. He said there was a part of him who wanted her all to himself. He said he got possessive. Joan told him to remember that. She said that things will be bad again. She said she got kicked off of FOX this morning.
Howard asked Joan what happened. Joan said they have their new show coming out called ''Joan Knows Best'' on WE TV Tuesday nights. Howard said that he's not even sure what that network is. Joan said that everyone is loving the show. She said that they're going out and promoting this show on every show. Howard said that he was hoping that Joan would fuck Melissa's boyfriend and get pregnant at 77 years old. Howard asked if she likes the boyfriend. Joan said that he's a great guy and he's great with Melissa and her son Cooper.
Howard asked Joan about why they put the grandson on the show. Joan said they only put him in as much as he wants to be in. She said that he's fine with it and Melissa is fine with it.
Howard and Joan talked about ZsaZsa Gabor losing her leg and Joan joked about how she should have had a yard sale with her pants on sale at half off.
Howard said he fond it odd that Joan has a bunch of dead people's ashes. Joan said that she has a lot. Howard said he finds that odd. Joan said she carries the ashes around with her and she has all of her dogs ashes.
Howard said that he heard that Joan was criticizing Sarah Palin. They were talking about the Golden Globes and how she didn't win anything for her documentary. Joan said that she was told that she won't even get a nomination for that by the Academy Awards because she's not that important.
Howard said Joan was kicked off of FOX and Friends this morning. Joan said they were being asked about their new show and she was asked about Sarah Palin so she joked about Palin and said that she's an idiot. She said that she's partially responsible for what happened in Arizona. She said that at 5 o'clock they were told they weren't on the show the next day and no more future bookings. They said it was all about what she said about Sarah Palin. Joan said that her publicist called back and they told her that it was coming from higher up. She said that they put it out on the Twitter and stuff and now they're claiming that they never said that. Howard said they're now saying that they were going to book them but Melissa isn't available. Joan said they're liars. She said they are available and they're lying about this.
Howard told Joan that if he had put Sarah Palin's daughter in the cross hairs then Palin would be screaming all over the place. Howard said that she's not taking responsibility for what she did. Joan said that she voted for that club foot Palin on Dancing with the Stars. She said that she's lumpy fat and her mother is a moron. She said she gave her a pity vote. Howard asked if it's true that she wants to be on Dancing with the Stars. Joan said that she can't dance. She said that she does widow dancing where she just sits in a chair at a wedding and moves her upper body. Howard said he had never heard that term before.
Howard asked if Joan would want to do everything over again that she's done so far. Joan said that things are going okay now and she's happy. Howard asked if she would let doctors take her head and put it on Melissa's body. Joan said she's not sure about that.
Howard said that Joan's new show is premiering this Tuesday on WE TV. The show is called ''Joan Knows Best.'' Joan told Howard some of the other shows they have on the channel and she said they've been amazing to them.
Howard said Joan tweets all the time. He asked if she does it herself. Joan said she does it mostly herself but she has someone who helps with some of it. Howard said he heard that Joan was on a plane flying with Al Pacino there and she tweeted everything he did. Joan said she did that. Howard asked if she was thinking about what he was doing in the bathroom and all of that. Joan said she did. She said that she explained everything he did like eating every bit of his meal and things like that. Howard asked how far away she was. She said she was across the aisle but she had 3 people between them. Joan said that Al told her that he liked her documentary. She said she was so excited about that.
Howard asked if she had a crush on him. She said that he's such a great actor and she loved him in the Kervorkian thing. Howard said he didn't like that.
Howard said that Joan got into a battle with Lindsay Lohan on Twitter too. He said that Joan was writing jokes about her and she responded. Howard said that Lindsay wrote back about the jokes and went for her age and her plastic surgery. Howard asked how many people follow her on Twitter. Joan said it's about 400,000. She said it's not high compared to what the Kardashians get. Joan said she's fine with that though. She said she has the smart ones following her. Howard told her to post a nude photo on there and she'll get millions following her. Joan said she should. Howard said she'd get huge numbers if she did that. He told her to show it all too. Show the vagina and everything. Howard said they're probably like veal cutlets.
Howard told Joan that she's the best. Joan said she loves Howard. Howard was about to wrap up but Joan said she has gifts for them all. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Joan and then wrapped up, gave her some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve did an interview with Andy Dick and he's apparently upset with Lisa Lampanelli for the story she told about him being at the porn awards. Steve said he did a 35 minute interview with him and he had heard the Lisa Lampanelli story that Lisa G did. Steve said Andy was out of control and admits it. He was out in Vegas drinking beer and that's not a good mix.
Howard played a clip of Andy talking about what was going on out there with Lisa Lampanelli. He said that she's done and it's curtains for that cunt. Andy said that he heard that she ripped him a new asshole on Howard. He said that she should have talked to him first and gotten his side of the story.
Robin said that he's reacting to what people told him, not to what he heard. She said that's ridiculous. Howard said that Andy also talked about how people should be more sympathetic to his problems. He played a clip of Andy talking about how people make fun of him for having this disease. He said that they're video taping him at his worst instead of helping him out. Andy said it's a double standard. He said he heard that Mitch Hedberg had a joke about this and joked about people who have cancer like they do with people who are addicts.
Howard said he saw the video of Andy in this dressing room with a man dressed as a woman and Tera Patrick. He said they had to kick Andy out of the room because he was so out of control. Steve said that there's more about this in the news and they'll have extensive pieces all day long. Howard told Steve he's doing a good job and he loves listening to their reports.
Howard let Steve go after that. Robin said that Andy sounded so rational in that clip that you can't believe he's having these meltdowns.
Howard said Wendy Williams was saying some nice stuff about him too. He said that he's pretty sure he could bang her. He played some of the audio of Wendy talking about him on her TV show. Wendy was talking about watching him on Piers Morgan's show. She showed a picture of her and Howard together and then talked about how she got kind of misty watching him on that show.
Howard said that was very nice and it's right up in the Jillian Barberie category. Howard said she mentions him a lot more though.
Howard said he was running around his building trying to find Regis yesterday. He said that he wanted to know more about why he announced he's retiring. Howard said the whole thing smells fishy to him and he thinks that he's being forced out. Robin said she thinks that ABC has always been behind Regis but this is in the middle of the year and she thinks that he was told he has to go. She said that she thinks that he's making it look like it's on his terms. Howard said that show is all about Regis so he's not sure if anyone else could pull it off like he does.
Robin said that Regis is a fun guy and you want to know more about him. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Kelly and if she's going to stick around. Howard said he doesn't think Kelly knew a thing about it either.
Howard said he was thinking about American Idol and Steven Tyler being on the show. He said he thinks he's the best thing about the show. He said the show feels tired and old though. He said they still do that same old format. Howard said he'd rather see record company execs doing the judging. Howard said he doesn't buy the Steven and J-Lo thing either. He said that they pretend that they're tight and he doesn't believe it. He said Steven can't dig her.
Robin said that they introduced Steven saying he sold 150 million albums and J-Lo had sold 55 million. She said that was sickening to her. Howard said she as posing the whole time and it's like she's ready to start shooting a movie or something.
Howard said he's not sure why Steven Tyler needs to be on the show. He said that it can't be the money. Robin said she thinks that he's just trying to show the band that he can do something else. Howard said he can see why the band would be upset with him. He can also see Steven's side of it and why he'd want to go out and do something else.
Howard said the overall feel of the show is old and he had to turn it off after 20 minutes. Robin said she stopped watching the show years ago. Howard said he's an Idol guy and even he had to turn it off.
Robin said that it's a shame that they're not talking to Eric the Midget. Howard said he has to do a whole presentation next week with Eric. He's been busy putting out videos and stuff.
Jon got to his preview and ran down some of the stuff they were going to talk about today. They ended up spending a few minutes talking about Joan Rivers and some of the stuff she revealed today. They also talked about American Idol for a short time.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she liked American Idol last night. She said she likes the judges and the way things are working on the show. Howard said something felt old and tired to him. The caller said that Steven was telling the one girl he liked her look and her dress and stuff like that.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone and he said they'll be talking about Eric the Midget and how people think he died over the Christmas vacation but he keeps putting out videos. He said they're going to talk about that stuff tonight on the show. Howard said the videos he's putting out are really boring. Howard had one clip of Eric reviewing the TV show ''The Cape.'' In that clip Eric said that the pilot was 2 hours long and it was a pretty cool story. Eric went into detail about the show and gave the plot of the show. Howard was done after about 30 seconds. Howard said Eric wants a show there now too.
Mutt said that Eric is insisting that he's not dead so they'll talk about that tonight. Howard said he saw those videos. JD told him which clip to try. He was wrong about which one it was but Eric was going off on Gary saying that no one is going to catch him with a prank call.
JD said he has one of Eric asking for Bubba's time slot. Fred laughed hysterically when he heard that. Howard played that clip and Eric was saying that he'd like that time slot. Howard said they should give it to him and see if anyone can stay tuned. Eric was saying that he would do a show where it would be a simple format of him talking about current events... Howard cut that off and asked Mutt what else he had. Mutt went through a few more subjects for the show and Howard let him go.
Howard said that Bobo got on the air and got it all wrong when he said you need stereo bluetooth headphones to listen to the Sirius XM app. Howard said that Bobo is all wrong about it. He went off on Bobo about that for a minute before getting to Robin's news.
Robin started off with a story about the Octomom and her new fetish video. Howard had some clips to play from that. He played the clips and it was some big guy crying and shaking a rattle while the Octomom was tending to him with a whip. They spent a few minutes talking about how ill this woman seems to be and what a nightmare of a life she has. Howard wondered what she could have been paid to do that video. He said it can't be that much because no one is selling porn anymore these days. Benjy said he thinks that he could play a better baby than the guy in the video.
Robin read some news about the new season of American Idol and had some clips from last night's show where some of the bad singers were doing their thing. Howard said he was bored with the bad singers. He said he's not usually bored with them. He said it just seemed off to him.
Howard said he had a story about Paul Giamatti in the paper. He read that article and they say that he was at the Golden Globes and charging people $5 to take pictures with him. Robin said that can't be true. Howard said that's what they say in the article. Robin said it had to be a joke. Howard said they say they thought he was joking but he took the money. Robin said they have to call him and find out what was going on. Howard said he was trying to grab some bread.
Robin read a story about people abusing a drug that's sold as bath salts. Robin said they say that the bath salts are hallucinogenic and it's not just one age group abusing them. Robin said the salts can cause serious health issues. She had some audio of an official talking about that. Howard wondered what else he could try and thought about trying to smoke chicken feces.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's 3 miles into the wilderness hunting and he's listening to his show on his phone. He said he's out on Long Island and he's shotgun hunting. Howard asked what he hunts, Jews? The caller said he hunts deer. Howard said he could never do that. He sees the deer by his house and they look so nice. He said it's too up high in the food chain for him. The caller said he understands that but they do have to thin the herd out. Howard said he gets that but he could never do it.
The caller said that he doesn't get a deer every year. He said he gets one every 7 years or so. Howard said he sees that movie Starman and he cries when he sees the deer brought back to life. The caller said he gets dirty looks from people when he has the deer on his truck. Howard said he'd be afraid of getting shot. the caller said some people come out with pans and bang on them to scare the deer away. Howard yelled into the phone for the deer to run away. He had to go to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard came back and said that he was thinking about Regis getting pushed off his show and now he's got a new management team behind him. Howard said that he might be pissed about that. Howard said that he should be pissed if he got pushed off. He said that they were a local show and they're still treated like one. Howard said he never got Oprah kind of money. Howard said if he were his management he would go to NBC and get hooked up with Kathie Lee and do a show there for a year. Howard said Kelly should stick with him too. He said that they could make a ton of dough for a year or two just for fun. Howard said he thinks that Regis got pushed out and he's not leaving willingly. Howard said he would go home and relax himself but Regis loves doing that show. He said that he should take Kelly with him and do another show somewhere else. Howard said he has the ratings so go do it.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Gayle King is simulcasting her TV show on the OWN network. Howard said that annoys him because he thought they were all about exclusive content there.
Robin said there were some pictures of Eddie Murphy's daughters in the paper and their mother is hotter than they are. Howard said they look like they're getting big. That got Eddie and the wife back together apparently. Howard said Eddie is looking funny the older he gets. He might be pulling himself back or something. He said he doesn't look like Eddie anymore. Gary said his hair is shaved tight and his hair line is way back.
Howard asked Gary if he knows where Gayle King does her show. Gary said it's not in that building. He said they have other studios where they do shows. Jason said that's down on 15th Street. That's apparently more comfortable for her there. Gary said he really has no idea. He said she shoots the show for TV over there. Howard said he wants something like that. He said no one did that before he started doing it.
Robin said that a couple took their 19 month old to a hospital and it was kidnapped. They have been reunited though. Robin said that the woman who kidnapped the baby was hanging around the hospital and she took the baby from the hospital. She didn't have a birth certificate or anything when she had to get some things done so she had to admit that she wasn't really the girl's mother. The girl is fully grown now. She went to a place that found her in the missing persons database and she was reunited with her biological family. Robin said the mom is saying that she now feels complete. They have confirmed that she's the real child from DNA testing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Fergie is really hot in this new video that's out. Howard said he sees pictures of her in the Enquirer and she doesn't look so hot but she's hot in the videos. The caller said that she's really hot in this new Slash video that's out. He told Howard what she does in that video. Howard said he'll check it out. The video is called ''Beautiful Dangerous.'' Howard told Gary to send him the link in his email to remind him. Howard said he does dig her but she can look like a mess sometimes.
Robin read about the Italian Prime Minister being caught in some wire taps saying that he's been having orgies and girls that he was denying in public. Howard said he's not sure why people are surprised by that. Robin said that one of the girls was only 17 years old so that's why he's in trouble.
Robin read a story about Baby Doc Duvalier returning to Haiti. Robin said that he might be sniffing out the opportunity to be king there again. Robin said that they're saying that the last thing they need there is another dictator. Robin said they're trying to keep him there to charge him with crimes.
Robin read a story about Prince and said that she was invited to go see him the other night. She said it was a weeknight and she decided to take a night off. She said she knows she doesn't have to do everything. Howard said that's a positive step. Howard said he's glad to hear that as someone who is healthier than Robin. Robin said a bunch of celebrities went to see him that night and there was an after party that started around midnight. Robin said there were a lot of celebrities there too. Howard said he heard that he performed at 3 in the morning again. He said that he doesn't know who can go out and do that kind of stuff at 3 in the morning. Howard said he went to see a private show that Prince did and he had all of the lights turned out. He said it was really annoying and he was being a douche bag. Howard said the guy is a retard. He said he's a genius but he's a retard. He said that he turned him way off when he did that. He said he still loves his music though.
Robin read about the season finale of the Housewives of Beverly Hills. Robin read about what happens on the show and had some audio clips. Howard said you really need to see the show and not just hear it. He did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a state dinner at the white house for the leader of China. Howard said that's sickening to him. He said that they're slave masters over there and they make their people work for nothing. Robin said that it's 5 people telling a billion what to do. She said that doesn't sound right to her. Howard said that they don't have any weapons so they can't do anything. Howard said he remembers the days of Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon who played hard ball with the Chinese. Robin had some audio clips from the dinner. She told Howard who was there at the dinner and Howard joked that Joan Rivers was invited because they thought she was Chinese.
Robin read a story about Joe Lieberman. Howard said he heard that Vince McMahon's wife is going to run again for Senate up there in Connecticut. He said that she reminds him of Jackie's wife Nancy the way she spends her husband's money.
Robin said that Bob Dylan got a 6 book deal. She read about what some of the books will be about.
Robin read about the new movie ''No Strings Attached'' and played some audio clips of one of the stars talking about what she likes in a man.
Robin had some audio of Amy Poehler talking about the new season of ''Parks and Recreation.'' Howard didn't last long with that.
Robin wrapped up her news and they ended the show a short time later, right around 10:10am.
Jon said that he'd be happy to have her in there for a couple of minutes if Benjy can talk her into coming in.
Jon went over some of the other stuff he wanted to cover today and said he wanted to start off with Joan Rivers. Jon asked what kind of relationship Howard has with Joan. Gary said that he thinks Joan is still very relevant. He said she's old but she's willing to talk about sex and dating and things like that. He said he's found her funny and he always will.
Jon and Gary talked about Joan and the way she spends her money. Gary said that Joan spends the money she makes so she has to keep working. He said there's a scene in her movie where she has to sign checks and she's spending a lot on her many homes, cars and all of that. She's making a lot of money but she spends it. Gary said it's almost like she has an addiction to working. Gary said that her movie is great and they show how she does all of this.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard talked to Joan about what she's worth. After that Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks Joan is lying about what she's worth. She said she has to have some wealth. Gary said they just kind of went over that. He also said that Ed McMahon died broke so it is possible to go through a lot of money.
The caller said she doesn't care much for Benjy and she was wondering if he's going to try and find a wife so he can have a life after the show ends. Benjy said he would like to get married in the next 5 years but not because of that. She told Benjy that he has to move on and stop lying about his age and things like that. She thinks that he won't get the kind of women he gets now if the show ends. Benjy said that he doesn't think that's true. He said he can get girls without the show.
Gary said Benjy says he wants to get married but he doesn't think it will ever happen. He said that he's looking for a woman that doesn't exist. Benjy said he doesn't think that's the case. He said that he's about personality. He said he thinks he could talk to her off the air and she would like him. The caller, Erin, said that she likes everyone on the show but Benjy. She said that Benjy drives her crazy and he doesn't have a good personality or anything like that. She said that he's always goofing off and you can't take him seriously.
Gary and Jon said that they love Benjy. Benjy said he's not sure that they love him like they say. Benjy said that he didn't know that Steve Brandano and Mike Gange were fighting. Gary said they were stuck in the vortex so Jon ended that by going to break.
Gary said that he kind of got the feeling that Psych was upset that they don't think he's the best out of them all. Jon said that they can't play everything they send in and it's tough to get stuff on the air sometimes.
Sal said that he was getting notes from both of them and they were telling him about how they were fighting and he told them to just keep doing their work and don't let it get to them. He told Howard about it and he thought it would be interesting to have them argue it out on the air.
Sal also explained how he and Richard take care of songs and prank calls and he's not sure about Psych sending the stuff to Gary and other guys. Gary said that he gets a lot of stuff and he trusts Sal and Richard to listen to it and get it on the air if it's good.
Jon asked Sal about the email he got from Psych where he claimed that Mikey was threatening him. Sal said that he never saw that email. Gary said he heard that Sal told him to delete the email. Sal said that wouldn't make sense and he didn't do that.
Psych called in and said that they can check their email, right? Gary said of course. Psych said that Sal wrote him back and told him to ignore the email so he took that as not bringing it up again. Gary said he gets what Sal was going for there because he has no power to get him banned. Sal said he never got an email from Psych with that email that Mikey sent to him. Gary said that Psych is saying that Sal got it and now he doesn't remember it. Sal said that if he did send it to him then he's sorry about that but he was telling him to ignore it because Mikey doesn't have the power to get him banned. Sal said that if he did forget that then it must be his A.D.D. kicking in.
Sal said that he's not taking sides in all of this. He's just a vehicle and he's forwarding that stuff to Howard. Psych said he also wants to address what they said about Richard and he didn't bash him. He said he never said his songs sucked. Sal said that no one is taking songs away from them. Psych thinks that they are having shots taken away when Fred plays a Richard song. Gary said that they listen to all of the songs they send in. He said that Howard listens to both and he isn't looking for a winner.
Gary said that if they don't play all of their songs that just means they didn't like them. Psych said that he's a huge fan of Richard and Sal's and he wasn't trying to knock Richard. Sal said he did though and he can't take that back.
Benjy said he got the feeling that Psych was just acting like a boxer and giving him boxer talk. Psych said that's probably what it was. Psych also bragged that he was on all four days of the news one week. Sal said he should stop bitching about Richard's song then.
Psych said he called in to apologize to Richard because he wasn't trying to slam him. He said that it's seldom that Howard plays their stuff during the news so they don't have a lot of chances to get their stuff on the air. Jon thanked Psych for calling in. Psych played himself out with a Baba Booey song parody. They went to another break after that.
Benjy also got in on the football talk. He said that the Jets don't seem to be a New York team either because they're in Jersey.
Jon had a guy from the Jets, Mike Patton, on the phone so they spent a couple of minutes talking to him. They talked to him about betting on the game and how he doesn't do that. They talked about the name of the Jets and how that came about. The guy said that he thinks that it's because they play near the airport.
Jon asked the guy if they have a lot of Howard fans there. He said they do. He said he has their books and they laugh at the pictures of Gary in his book. He said that he turned Rex Ryan on to the show. He said he wants to watch the Sal crying thing on Howard TV again too but they took it off.
Gary said that he thinks Rex Ryan would be a great guest on the show. Mike said that he thinks that would be great and maybe that could happen after the season is over.
Jon said he'd like to congratulate him on two wins against Pittsburgh this season but he can't do that. Mike said he wanted to send Jon a jersey so he had to send him his size. Jon said he wants to send him one too so he has to send his shirt size. They're both XX-L.
Jon and Gary spent a couple more minutes talking to Mike before letting him go. Gary asked if they goof on Bart Scott when they hear his wacky interview. Mike said of course they do. He said they laughed at that one and must have watched it 10 times.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to say that they can thank him for Howard seeing the game over the weekend. He said that Howard didn't know about it until he called him. Gary asked if he just woke up. Ralph said he had been up. He said he'll be watching the game this weekend. They talked about what they think might happen in the game. They spent a couple of minutes on that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the whole Psych evaluation. He said that he thinks they're being kind of critical to Robin. He said that she didn't say half the things that they say she said. He said that they're making it seem like she was being disrespectful and mean spirited. Gary said that she did say the stuff she said in the clip. The caller said that she did but they seem to be piling up on her. Gary said that he seems ill prepared for this call. He said that he was. He's at work and he was caught off guard. He was also caught up in the football discussion so that threw him off too.
Gary said his son told him about a Pittsburgh T-shirt he wanted to get a t-shirt that read ''Ben Raplesberger'' on the front and he had to say no to him. Jon said he thinks that he did the right thing.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Robin shrieked when she heard that Steven Tyler was 62 and she's coming right up on 60 so she might be in denial. Gary said that he thinks that it was just surprise that he's that old. It may not have anything to do with her age. The caller said that Robin never admits how old she's going to be. Gary said they don't try to hide her age. They had to end the show a short time later.
Best of the Week was over aroudn 11:15am.