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Howard started the show talking about a tape he was listening to before the show that was very funny. He said Shia LaBeouf was being interviewed about the new ''Wall Street'' movie sequel and he used the word Epitome and said ''Epi-tome.'' Howard played the clip and Shia was saying that Michael Douglas was the ''Epi-tome'' of strength. He didn't say ''Ehh-pi-toe-me'' like expected.
Howard said he saw the new Miss Howard TV who is coming in today. He said she's very attractive. Howard said that Benjy showed up on time this morning. He said he called Benjy over the weekend and apologized for blowing up at him last week. He said he should have just told him to get out and ended it at that. Howard said he had a lot of personal attacks that he shouldn't have done.
Benjy said he's very sorry that he was the catalyst of all of that last week. Robin asked if Howard went to his psychiatrist. Howard said he didn't. This just came out of him and he knew that Benjy took it hard. He said he's very frustrated with Benjy and he didn't know what to do about it. He said Jimmy Kimmel sent him a note and he said that he should be fined $100 but it goes up more each time and the money goes to the person Benjy hates the most. He said he was trying to come up with a solution but that's not going to work.
Howard said that he is sticking to the Benjy getting locked out of the studio next time he's late. Howard said part of this is about being on radio but he really is upset with Benjy over the whole thing. He said he's tired of him showing up late.
Howard said he had a lot of stress and it wasn't fun. Howard said when Benjy shows up late again, he's just done. That's it. He's just saying that calmly.
Howard said the dog doesn't care about the cats. He said Bianca doesn't care and the cats don't bother her. He said she's so docile that she doesn't care what happens. Howard said there's a whole drama going on over there with all of these pets.
Robin said she was reading that people choose pets that look like themselves. Howard said the dog doesn't look like either one of them. He said she definitely doesn't look like Beth. Howard said she sent him a picture of herself standing in front of the mirror half naked again. He said that meant that he was going to get laid. He thinks that hearing the show where he talked about the pets they adopted is what turned her on. Howard said she did critique his lovemaking over the weekend though.
Howard said he likes to push in when he's banging her and she says it's hurtful. Howard said he thought that showed that he loved her but she doesn't like it. Howard said he thought that it was showing that his penis could hurt her. Robin said no woman wants to be hurt. Howard said she likes to teach him stuff in their love making. Howard said he'd like to hurt Robin with his penis. Robin said she's not interested in that.
Robin said she saw Jared in the park while she was running. She said when you run for hours you see the same people over and over again in the park.
Howard said he likes to wear Asics sneakers and they actually made him a bunch of pair of his favorites since they heard about him talking about them. Howard said he has like 50 pair now so he'll never run out.
Robin said she tried a pair of old sneakers and they killed her. She said her feet hurt so bad that she was barely able to walk. Robin said bare feet felt better than the sneakers she was wearing. Howard said he can only wear the Asics. Robin said she has to wear New Balance.
Howard asked Robin if she has any chafing of the nips. Robin said she doesn't have that problem at all. She said that her bras are getting looser from getting thinner. Howard asked what that's about. Robin said it's about the fat tissue. She said that's what's in those things. Howard asked if she's down a size now. She said she might be down to an F-cup from the G-cup she was at.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the new HBO show ''Boardwalk Empire'' last nigh. Robin said she did see the whole episode and it was good. Howard said he only saw 15 minutes of it but it did look good to him too. Howard said he liked what he saw. He said he had to go to bed early so he had to turn it off.
Robin said she saw ''The Town'' and it was a great movie. She said that Ben Affleck is great in it and he's a great director too.
Howard said he didn't know there was a song about Robin running with two bras. He played a Little Mikey song parody about that. Howard played a couple of his other songs too. He said that guy is on fire with those songs. He said Mikey loves Robin.
Howard read about how Boardwalk Empire is rerunning tonight on HBO. He thought it was another new episode but it's just a repeat.
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Howard said he loved that kind of work because you get up and do a hard day's work and then you had time of your own. He said he'd go out and smoke weed with people and he never worried about anything. Howard said he was a degenerate but he was working. He said he knew what he had to do and that was it.
Howard said he would skip lunch at work and meditate. He said he was around 18 at the time when he was doing this. Howard said he went in and meditated and one of the guys told his boss that he was sleeping and he came in and whacked him in the back of the head with a newspaper. Howard said the guy's name was Mr. Convey and he didn't speak much English. Howard said the guy told him that he had to get back to work. He said he told him he was meditating and he just yelled at him to get back to work even though he was on lunch. Howard said the guy hit him right in the back of the head. He said the guy was from Russia or somewhere like that. Howard said that there was no way he could explain that he was into Transcendental meditation.
Howard said he wanted to be a cook back then but he never was able to get into that. Ass Napkin Ed told Howard he used to be a dishwasher too. Howard said they had a lot of black cooks there at the place he worked at. Howard said they made salad in garbage pails because they had to make so much.
Howard said the work he did was great work. He said he stresses out about work now but back then you just did it. He said the pay wasn't so great but the work was pretty simple.
Howard said someone did an impression of Ass Napkin Ed in the Staff Impression contest. He said he doesn't think he'll be in the finals though. Howard said they have to get to some of this stuff. He said he came up with the way they're going to judge this contest. He said they're going to do it American Idol style. Howard said they're going to take calls from people who will vote on the 5 finalists. Then they'll get them in the studio live and let America vote. Howard said he just wants to say ''America has voted...'' like they do on America's Got Talent. He said he can't even remember what Ryan Seacrest says on Idol.
Howard said he should just play some music and keep people waiting for the winner of the contest. He also heard that Ryan Seacrest says ''America has spoken'' on American Idol. Howard said he could mix up the two or just use both of them when he announces the winner.
Howard said most of the Tea Party guys are so hard core they don't believe in abortions even in rape cases. Howard said they're like really hard core right wing nuts. Howard said he loves the whole thing. He said that he doesn't believe that all politicians are bad. He said the Tea Party is saying that having blind loyalty is just wrong.
Howard said he's pretty sure he could get elected under the Tea Party. Robin said he's probably right about that.
Howard said he met Brad when he was with Brillstein Grey. He met him on the set of The Larry Sanders Show when he did an episode of that. Howard said that was the only time he ever played himself in a TV show. Howard said they let him plug his book during that episode. Howard said he thinks that was one of the best shows that ever aired on TV.
Howard said Brad treated him really well over there and he has always been very nice to him. He said he likes Brad a lot and doesn't like Les Moonves. Howard said Les and Brad used to work together and they split up the company. Howard said Brad is doing the best production of his life with this Cassandra. Howard said she's got a bunch of things she's into but she had to move out to Los Angeles to be with brad.
Howard said he went into this school and the teacher gave him this Svie name. He said the guy was really out of touch. Howard said he would call a kid Mendal and the kids would say he was ''Mental.'' Howard said this guy's head almost exploded when he told him his name was Howard. Then the guy said his name was ''Svie'' and it's horrible. Howard said no one wants to be Svie. Howard said you want to punch him in the head hearing that name.
Howard said they had a very conservative temple there. He said his parents did everything wrong with him. He said he wanted to hang himself being in this school. Howard said he was so paranoid that he thought God was going to visit him in his room and tell him the secrets of being a man. Howard said his father never did that so he figured someone was going to. God never showed up. Howard said his father never even told him why he wanted him to be bar mitzvahed. He said that he didn't look into any of that stuff for him. Howard said his dad didn't explore what was going on in his life. that was his mother's place to do that. Howard said she's the one who sent him to the temple to study Hebrew.
Howard said he could have been taking guitar lessons instead. Howard said he could have been Clapton and Hendrix and he would have been called ''Claptrix.'' Howard said he could have studied fighting like Karate or something. He said that he was stuck studying a language that no one uses.
Howard said this guy who named him Svie didn't smell so he kind of liked him. He said he came in one day and the guy told him he was going to have to wear this sitz sitz thing. He told Robin what that was and said it was like a shawl he had to wear. Robin said it's almost like the Mormon's secret underwear. Howard said that's exactly what it's like. Howard said it makes no sense at all. Howard said his mother actually laughed at him for having to wear it. Howard said she would goof on him for wearing that and then eat pork chops. Howard said that's why he had to get out of that house.
Howard said his parents would get religious once a year on Yom Kippur. Howard said the hypocrisy was ridiculous. Howard said God isn't going to just look at you this one time a year after doing who knows what the rest of the year. Howard said his father would be miserable not eating. He said they'd sit in the temple all day long and he couldn't do anything. Howard said they had to read this language that no one understands. Howard said his mother would even say she didn't get anything out of it. Howard said he didn't know why she put him through this bullshit.
Howard said his mother would talk to him about the P.A. system there and how she couldn't understand a word they'd say. Howard said the whole thing is a joke. Howard said his mother doesn't read Hebrew and his father tries to do it but even he doesn't understand it. Howard said he knows how to read it because he had so much training. Howard said he asks his mother if she's going to fast for this and she'll tell him that she's not going to do that because they have friends who are on medication so they don't do it. Howard said his mother tells him that she'll go to temple and not eat breakfast but then they get home and eat. Howard said they make up their own religion.
Howard said he asks why they don't just eat breakfast. Howard said he went through so much training that he gets paranoid about all of this stuff. Howard said he thought about eating on Saturday and just went ahead and did it. He felt guilty about it though. Robin said that's just ridiculous.
Howard said he thinks that just being a good person is good enough. He said he doesn't think you have to go to church. Robin said that's wrong according to a lot of people. She said they think that you have to do it when you're in church with other people.
Howard said the whole school thing was a fiasco. He said the place he had his bar mitzvah at burned down eventually. He said the second year of Hebrew school was bad because his teacher smelled really bad. Howard said he called him Svie too and it really has nothing to do with his name Howard. Howard said this teacher smelled like he shit his pants. He said he's not sure if it was his breath or what. He said even his fingers smelled like shit. Howard said the teacher would call him Svie and that breath would reek. Howard said he was hungry but they had no food there. Howard said he was a little kid and he just anted to get home and eat. Howard said he's resentful about the whole thing. He said someone should have stepped in and saved him from his parents.
Howard said he saw some kids walking down the street in their Hebrew outfits. He said they're completely brainwashed. Howard said that it should be against the law to do that to kids. He said they should have to wait until the kids are 18 so they can choose on their own.
Howard said he sat around all weekend being resentful. Howard said Beth calmed him down though. He said that's her unique ability to calm him down. Howard said he doesn't tell his therapist about this stuff. He said he just tells Robin about it. Robin said he has a lot of resentments.
Howard said he asked his mother if they tanked up on food before the fast. He said they went to KFC and had their grilled chicken. Howard said they love that grilled chicken. Howard was doing his impression of his mother whenever he'd talk about what she was saying. Howard said he had to go to break. He said they have to judge the Staff Impression Contest sometime today. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from Captain Janks. Janks said that it's getting down to the wire and he wants to know if he's going to throw any kind of a party. Howard said he's going to have another bash for the staff like he did last year. Janks wants to know if he's going to do one for the fans. Howard said he's going to hold off on saying anything. He said he wants to leave everyone in suspense on that.
Howard let Janks go and took another call from a guy who asked about an article that came out about SIRIUS, in Business Week, and Howard. He said that they're talking about how they could afford to let Howard go because they could use the money to pay a wider array of talent. Howard said he agrees. He said that the level of talent out there is huge and they could hire so many people. Howard said he has obviously damaged SIRIUS. Howard said he was trying to think of someone who could attract millions of subscribers. Howard said it's not the NFL. Howard said when he left Viacom he read over 500 articles about how they would do better without him. Howard said they read that they'd have more sponsors and a new morning team would do fine. Howard said Business Week never ran a radio station so they have no clue.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if maybe they'd consider having Elegant Elliot Offen back on the show again. Howard said he would think about that. Howard said if they do end up leaving there then maybe they'll do a party for everyone who has ever been on the show.
Howard said that Senator D'Amato said ''Bullshit'' on FOX Business the other day. Howard said they are allowed to curse on cable but these companies have their own policies for stuff like that. Howard said they are on cable so they can curse though. Howard played the clip of D'Amato debating with some guy on FOX Business about cab drivers. D'Amato told the guy he was a nasty racist. D'Amato said that what this guy was saying was bullshit and racist. He got in the ''bullshit'' three times in just a minute or so. Howard said he loves arguments. Robin said she loved what he was saying too.
Another caller asked Howard if Beth has ever gone out with his mother for a day shopping. Howard said he doesn't think they have. Howard said he wasn't sure about that though. He said that when they go out they're usually all together. He said that his mother did have to re-do their house and Beth helped out so maybe they have. Howard said she did go out to Long Island to go shopping. He said he had to think about that.
The caller asked if Beth has ever turned him down for sex. Howard said she has. He said he doesn't jerk off like he used to. Howard said guys get really freaked out and insulted when their wife isn't available to them. Howard said he's not sure what that's about. He said that it must not be about the sex because anyone can just go in and jerk off. Howard said the sex represents something to a guy and it's almost screaming out for a tit in their mouth and maybe it's like an attention thing. Howard said guys want to think of women like they're always there for our needs like a receptacle. Howard said you can't expect the woman to be there all the time for you. He said that sometimes the guy isn't ready to go either. Howard said that some guys take it as the woman not wanting to be with him.
Howard said the porn thing is an issue because guys see chicks doing stuff that their wives or girlfriend's are never going to do.
Howard said he and Beth have had some experimentation over time but that's when they were first starting out and getting to know one another. Howard said when he pushes in and hurts her, and she complains, he's going to stop doing that. Howard said he's going to listen to her when she tells him something like that.
Howard let the caller go and took a call from a guy who said he liked that ''Boardwalk Empire'' show. Howard said Gary was telling him how great he thought it was too. He said that Martin Scorsese was the director and he had a great cast to work with.
The caller asked Howard about the rumors that he's hosting Monday Night Raw. Howard said he's pretty sure he wouldn't be good at that. He said they should call Bubba to host something like that. They guy said they have a lot of guest hosts like Bob Barker and Drew Carey. Robin said that's not much of a range. The guy said that they've had a bunch of others too. Howard said he's pretty sure he wouldn't fit into that whole thing.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a wrestling call in show where they named every wrestler they could think of. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said she had a new outfit on today. Lisa said it was leather for the fall. Lisa said they have a story about Gary Dell'Abate being booked to be on David Letterman on October 25th. Lisa said that he's going to be on Good Day L.A. and Jimmy Kimmel as well. Gary said it's a big booking. Howard wondered what he's going to talk about. He said he can't believe Gary wrote a book. He said he's his producer. Gary said he thought that maybe he could get on Letterman as a sight gag or something but now he's been booked as a guest. He said that he was thinking about what he could talk to Dave about and he's not coming up with anything. Howard said Dave is going to bring Gary out and then have some guys come out with a straight jacket and have him put away.
Gary asked Howard if he could just congratulate him. Howard then went on to do his Gary impression and goofed on him about the stuff he wrote about in his book. Howard told Gary not to blow all of his stories on Letterman. He has to save them for Kimmel. Gary is going to be doing Letterman on October 25th and Kimmel on November 11th.
Gary said he has some stories he'll share on Letterman. Howard said that's great to share them there and not here on his show. Howard said Gary should tell Dave about going to Adelphi instead of going to Texas. Howard asked Gary what the story was there. Gary said that's none of his business. Howard said the audience is going to be snoring while Gary is on.
Howard did more of his impression of Gary talking to Dave about this stuff. He was making fun of his ''take me back'' tape and how he could tell Dave about that when he's on. That led to Fred and Robin getting in on the goofing too. They were doing the Booey math from that tape where Gary was talking about how he and that girl had gained and lost lovers and friends. Gary said he couldn't even remember it all.
Howard did his Gary impression and continued to goof on Gary for a few minutes. Robin said she was enjoying this interview. Gary said Dave hadn't even spoken yet. It was all Howard doing his Gary impression. Howard kept going and told boring story after boring story.
Howard congratulated Gary on his bookings. He said he can't wait to see these appearances. He asked when he's going to be booked on 60 Minutes. Gary said he's not sure about that one. Howard said he hasn't been this excited since Ed McMahon wrote his autobiography. That led to Howard and Fred talking about Ed and goofing on his boring book. Howard said he's surprised he's having him on. Gary said he is too but it's great for getting other bookings. He said that Dave is having him on so people think he's got something going on and they'll book him too.
Lisa said they spoke to a professional about Benjy showing up late to the show. She said that Benjy is just looking for attention and he has to be praised for his good behavior. She said that Doug Goodstein also said that they're going to continue buying lunch for Benjy even though Howard doesn't want that. Howard didn't seem to care.
Lisa said they spoke to an editor at Us Weekly about men wearing cologne and how they should wear it. She said that they said Howard was right about the way he suggested putting it on.
Howard said Ralph also said that it was his fault that Benjy shows up late. Howard said that's basically what Scott DePace was saying too. DePace said that's not what he said. He said that he was just suggesting that they make Benjy come in a half hour early so he has that buffer. Howard said he's still going to show up late no matter what.
Scott said that Benjy could still get there by 6 if he oversleeps his 5:30 time. He said that back there in the control room they call each other if they're late. Gary said he's not sure why it's their fault to get Benjy there on time. He has to get himself there on time. Howard said he thought Scott was smart. He said he was obviously wrong.
Gary said he doesn't need his guys there at 5:30 but he needs them there by 6. that's why they have their start time at 5:30.
Howard played a clip of one of the people on Superfan Roundtable asking Ralph if he's ever been late. Ralph said no. Howard said that's bull. He said that Ralph has been late before. He said he was late when they went down to New Orleans at the NATPE convention. Ralph actually brought that up on Superfan. Howard said Ralph has other issues too. He said he used to come to work on time when he used to do his hair. Howard said he has some annoying habits though. He said Ralph hasn't been back to his house in the Hampton's since the last time he was there for a party. He said he always ruins things out there. Howard said he vomited in the bed one time and he ruined a party another time. Howard said he had to put an end to it.
Gary came in and told Howard that Ralph wanted to do some interviews out in Los Angeles and he was going to ask for airline tickets and stuff so he just told Ralph he'd get back to them. Howard said Ralph once told a guest at his party that he was going to fuck their girlfriend. He said that's the kind of stuff that he can't deal with.
Howard said Ralph had the cleaning woman making him scrambled eggs and stuff like that too. He said it's remarkable. Howard said Ralph needs such a level of creature comforts. He said Ralph had newspapers and magazines blowing around his back yard and stuff like that too. He said it's really crazy.
Gary said the guys in the back talked about Ralph falling asleep in the hammock in the back yard at Howard's house and they weren't able to lock up the house. Ralph once left a burning cigarette on a piece of furniture too.
Howard said he was going to play 5 entries and they would vote for their favorites. The first one Howard played was a great Big Foot impression. Howard said that was Jason doing that impression. He then played a second Big Foot impression from Ariel Gonzalez. Howard said he had a third one from John D'Onffrio. That guy was good too. Howard said he had a High Pitch Eric impression to play in there too. Howard said this is going to be really tough to pick. Robin said she's going with the first impression. Fred said he was going to pick him too. Howard said maybe they should skip the audience vote and just do this themselves. Howard played the High Pitch Eric impression which was from Greg Cioffe. Howard said he doesn't think that the audience is going to know what to do in this thing either.
Howard said they were going to narrow it down for the audience. Howard said this is really tough. He played a High Pitch Mike impression and that one was good too. Howard said that they all agreed that the first Big Foot guy was the best so they put him in the finals.
Howard said they're going to let the audience vote in the finals. Gary said they may have to just vote on those themselves too.
Howard had another 5 to go through. This was another high Pitch Eric impression by a guy named Josh. Howard played that one and said it was impressive. Howard played one by a guy named Maurey who did a Scott Ferrall impression. Then he played a John the Stutterer impression by Chad Diller. Howard said this was getting tougher and tougher to pick from. Robin and Howard were laughing a lot at this John the Stutterer impression. Howard played another John the Stutterer impression by Keith Kearns. Howard then played a Crackhead Bob impression by Gerald Conway. Howard said he was voting for Chad and his John the Stutterer impression. Everyone went with that guy but they said the High Pitch Eric impression was really good too.
Howard played an Asian Pete impression for the next round. Then he had a Ham Hands Bill impression. Then he had a Mark the Bagger impression by a guy named Kevin. After that he had a Richard's Dad impression by Box Brown. Howard said he had Andrew's Mariann from Brooklyn next. He said this was tougher than the others. Everyone was picking the Mark the Bagger impression out of that group. Fred said he was going to say Mariann from Brooklyn but he was easily swayed to the Mark the Bagger impression by Kevin.
Howard said they have Eric Jones doing a Mariann from Brooklyn impression next. Howard played that one and then played Anniel Hernandez doing a Gary the Retard impression. He had Tony Riley doing a Beetlejuice impression too. Howard said he was making this round just 3 contestants. Howard said that was the toughest category out of them all so far. Robin said she had a pick. She went with the Gary the Retard impression. Fred said he liked the Mariann from Brooklyn by Eric. Howard said he would have to break the tie in this round. He said he was going to go with the Gary the Retard impression by Anniel. Howard said that Tony's Beetlejuice impression was great too though.
Robin said she wanted to hear the Mark the Bagger impression again and hear the Beetlejuice impression again so they could maybe make some changes. Howard replayed those two and they ended up sticking with the Mark the Bagger impression. Robin and Fred agreed to that.
Howard said they had 4 more to pick from. First up was Sean Burns doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression. Then he had a guy named Steve doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression. Howard played the entries that this woman Rachel Butera sent in. She did an Underdog Lady impression, a Tracey Millman impression and a Little Lupe impression. Howard played all three and they were all pretty impressive.
Howard said the tough part is trying to pick from that. He said they can't vote for all three of Rachel's impressions. Howard said he loves the Gilberts but he loves Rachel more. Robin said she loves the Little Lupe impression. Fred said he liked the Underdog better. She had great material in that. Gary agreed with Fred. Robin said the Lupe was the best. Howard said he liked her Tracey Millman too. Robin voted for Lupe, Fred with Underdog, Gary with Underdog and Howard said he loved all three. He said that the Lupe was dead on though. Robin said she's thinking about her impressions against all of the other entries. Robin stuck with the Lupe impression and tried to convince Fred and Gary that's what they should go with. Howard said they need someone to break the tie. They had Jon Hein come in with the tie breaker. Jon said this was tough but he if had to choose one, it would have to be... He paused for a minute as the American Idol music played... and then picked Underdog Lady.
Robin said these were all tough to pick. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn sent in an entry. He said that it's the greatest ever. He said Mariann chose to do an impression that was really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought this was a ''staff'' impression contest. Howard said anyone who is on the show is fine. Howard said it was more of a broad stroke than that. He said they should have called it a ''show impression'' contest.
Howard said there were a couple of Eric the Midget impressions. He said none of them made it into the finals. Howard was about to play the Mariann from Brooklyn impression but Gary told him that was the wrong one. They had to load the right one.
A caller said Jon Hein was crazy picking the Underdog impression. Howard said they were both good but he agrees that the Lupe was the best. The caller said he was freaking out over that.
Howard played the Mariann from Brooklyn impression of his mother. Mariann did that but it was just in her own voice. Howard said he think she should have won the whole thing with that impression. He had Mariann on the phone so he told her how great that was. Mariann said she did try. She said she can't even win a contest when other people are doing impressions of her. Mariann told Howard how much she loves him and told him that it was terrible to see his face when he was yelling at Benjy. She started to sing to him so Howard had to hang up.
Howard said the Mariann from Brooklyn impressions were very good. Howard said he heard that Sal does a great impression of Gary. He picked up the phone and it was Sal making snoring sounds.
Howard said he's sure that there will be people who are upset about who they picked but that's what they're going with. Howard said the five finalists are...
Howard said they have to figure out how to do the final voting. He said that the people in the finals have to come up with some material for this thing too. Jon Hein came in and said that they should do a save thing where they vote for someone if they think the audience is off track. Howard said he believes in letting the audience vote. Howard said they had to take a break and then get Miss Howard TV in there. He said she looks great in the pictures he saw of her. Howard said she's got a smokin' body and she looks like she's run a few marathons. Robin said she didn't run to get that body.
Gary came in with a poster for Howard to sign. Howard said he thought it was a poster of Miss Howard TV. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and spent a minute talking about the song. Then Howard had the guys bring in the newest Miss Howard TV, Leslie Marie Santa. Leslie came in and Howard said ''Holy moly'' when he saw her. Howard asked if any of the staff had hit on her yet. She said she can't tell when they are or not. She said they were being very nice. Robin said that means they're hitting on her.
Howard asked Leslie if she dresses like that when she's on the beach. She said that people do stare at her like she's an alien. Howard said that's because she's hot. Howard said they were staring at her because she's hot and dressed in a bikini.
Howard asked Leslie if she was a good girl in school. She said she was a cheerleader and she lost her virginity at 16 but to a boy she was dating for 4 years.
Howard said Leslie looks very young but he heard she's married. She said she is married. Howard heard that was a weird story about how she met this guy. She said that he owns a high end kitchen company so they were building the kitchen at her parent's house. She said that he came into her shop to get the plans from her and all of the stylists were telling her that he was hot. She said he was covered in saw dust though. Howard said she didn't even look at the guy. Leslie said that she really didn't. Then the guy asked her father for her phone number and he turned him down. Howard said her old man was right. Howard said he'd throw the guy out of the house. Howard said that's creepy.
Leslie said she did eventually give the guy her number and he didn't call her for a few weeks. She said that it took a while for him to get into her pants though. Howard asked if she ever did any girls. She said she's not into that. Leslie said she stays home a lot and takes care of her man. She said she's really old fashioned in that sense. She said she's not old fashioned in other ways. She said she tries to stay hot and she goes to the gym a lot. Howard asked if she ever eats. She said she stays in a cage all the time. Leslie only weighs 98 pounds. Howard said his one leg weighs 98 pounds. Howard said she's like a little kid with giant jugs. Leslie said they're fake. Howard said they look nice though.
Leslie said she stays home and cooks for her husband. Howard said she knows what to do. He asked if she dresses up in outfits for her husband. She said she'll cook topless sometimes. Robin said that's dangerous. Leslie said that she has to be careful cooking some stuff. Howard said Beth is too self conscious to do that. Howard asked if Leslie shaves her vagine. She said she does shave it all down. Howard asked if her husband wants to have sex all the time. Leslie said if she's not in the mood she'll do things for her husband and give him a blow job if she's not in the mood for other stuff. Howard said he thinks he likes that. Leslie said she likes to please her man.
Howard said he has to call her dad and congratulate him on raising a daughter like this. Howard asked what the secret is to a good blow job. She said that she used to be turned off by that. She said that the guy has to take care of himself down there. She said she's not into the 1985 bush. Howard asked if she's ever given her husband a hand job under the table at a restaurant. She said she hasn't done that. Howard said he'd love to parade her around in that bathing suit. Howard asked her if she does anal. She said she did do it once but the guy just went right in without any lube so it hurt her. She said that he didn't warn her either so she ran away screaming.
Howard read about how Leslie masturbates about 3 times a week. She said she doesn't keep count so that's just an estimate. She said that her husband doesn't get jealous of that either. She said that she'll go out with her friends and her husband doesn't get jealous. Howard asked if she dances with other guys. She said she dances with her female friends.
Howard said it sounds like it's pretty good between her and her husband. Howard asked what kind of sex she likes. She said she likes the regular stuff and not even when a guy goes down on her. She said that she'd rather have a penis in her than a guy tonguing her. She said the tongue doesn't work on her and she'd rather just get to the point already. Howard said he's been hearing a lot of women saying the same type of thing lately.
Leslie said she likes doggy style and she likes the reverse cowgirl too. Howard said Robin can't even handle that. Howard jokingly said he broke his penis on her doing that. Howard asked what she does when she masturbates. Leslie told Howard that she likes pressure on her clitoris. Howard said she doesn't even need to smell that fresh down there if her husband isn't going down on her.
Howard said Leslie is afraid of midgets and she passes out when she sees them. She said that's been happening since she was a kid. She said that she's not even sure why. Leslie said she knew they weren't kids but it would freak her out. Howard asked how many times she's even seen a midget. She said she's seen them enough to know she'll black out. Howard asked where she was when this happened. Leslie said she was at a fair in Ohio once and she literally passed out when she saw a little person. Howard said he wishes they had brought a midget in there to see it happen. She said she has to avoid watching TLC because they have so many midget shows. Leslie said she doesn't need that.
Howard asked if she's ever seen a psychiatrist about that. Leslie said she hasn't seen anyone for that. Robin said they have to get her to face her fears. Leslie said she doesn't want to. Howard asked if she would come back. She didn't want to but Howard wanted to see her pass out. Howard asked how old she was when she first saw a midget. She said she was like 5 or 6. Leslie said she's passed out like 3 or 4 times. She said it almost happened a few weeks ago when she was out on the street. She said that she saw a midget walking by and she had to turn around and avoid looking at the person. Howard asked if she can drive a car and see a midget. She said she does drive. She said she's never seen a midget while she's driving. Howard said something must have happened while she was a kid.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone so he asked him what he thinks about this. Eric asked why he had to put him on now. Howard said he wanted to know what he thought about this. Howard said that's something else. Eric was calling in for something else. Leslie said he had better not be there. Howard said he's not.
Howard told Leslie they'll put her on a mattress and test this out. He said he wants to see her pass out. Howard said maybe they can surround her with 10 midgets and see what happens. Howard said she may have to eat a midget like G. Gordon Liddy did with rats because he was afraid of them.
Howard TV showed a picture of Eric the Midget on the screen. Leslie said she can look at pictures. She just can't see them in person.
Yucko the Clown called in and asked if she's afraid of clowns. She said she's not. Yucko asked if she had any repressed childhood memories and then yelled into the phone so it was pretty much unintelligible that he was asking if she wanted some. Howard said he has the worst phone.
Howard said you can see Leslie on Howard TV for the month of October. Howard said Mike Gange must really like this one. Gange said she's got a great ass. He told Howard to watch her from behind as she was walking out. Howard noticed she had a big tattoo on her. She had a dolphin tattoo on her back. She said she has a heart with a rose on her too. Howard said she should tattoo ''Stay away midgets'' on her too. Howard told the guys to line her up to come back in and do the midget thing. Fred said that she was too perfect so she must have a cock in her pants or something.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that Brad Kava has ripped into Howard Stern about prank calls. Steve said they spoke to Brad about the story he wrote about the prank calls and he thinks that the news channels don't have time to check their sources before putting people on the air. Howard said that's not true and they have to check their sources. Howard said that every journalist should have to do that.
Steve said that Hanzi had a run in with Brad Kava and Kava is claiming that someone may have hacked his Facebook account.
Steve said that Eric the Midget was offered a job on a web based show. Howard said he's too big to be doing shows like that. Eric would be playing a transgendered midget. Howard said that most actors will do that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Eric what it would cost to get him to kiss a man. Eric said he's not doing it. Eric said he was calling in to give them a suggestion for the voting for the contest. Howard said they already have it figured out. Eric said he was going to suggest putting the clips on the web site and let people listen and vote that way. Howard said they're going to have the people come in and do fresh material and do it that way. Howard thanked Eric for the call and let him go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thinks he's making a huge mistake by not choosing the Little Lupe impression by that Rachel woman. Howard said that was Jon Hein's choice so that's their final decision. Howard replayed Rachel's impressions of Lupe and Underdog Lady. They were both very good. Howard said the caller made a good point about Underdog not cursing but Rachel curses.
Howard said Rachel will be there doing her Underdog impression in the finals. Howard asked Steve if he had a favorite from the finalists this morning. Steve said there were so many. Howard replayed the 5 finalists...
Steve finished up his news and mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons is on tonight. Howard said he has to talk about Greg for a minute. It turns out that Greg is going to use a transcript of them talking about the whole transcript thing. He said that he has to sign off on it and it's really not very good. Howard said it doesn't translate very well so he doesn't want Greg using it. Howard said he has to break the news to Greg tomorrow that he has no foreword for him. He said he has to just say no. He told Gary to book Greg for tomorrow's show so he can break the news to him. Howard said Greg has to find someone else to write this thing for him.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. That led to them talking about Gary getting booked on Letterman and how that might go. Howard was goofing on Gary for a few minutes. Fred got in on that too. Howard said they should book the person who got Gary booked on Letterman. He thinks that would be interesting. They went to break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about a commercial where a woman talks about her weight loss but the commercial is for breast feeding which is good for losing 500 calories a day. Howard played a clip of that and said he thinks it's bullshit. He said he thinks tapeworms are the way to go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he does like 12 impressions of the staff and he's bummed out that he didn't get into the finals. Howard asked him what impression he does that he thinks is so good. He did Steve Langford but Howard thought it wasn't so good. He did a High Pitch Mike impression that wasn't good either. Howard said the guy who did the finalists high Pitch Mike was really good. Howard played that one for the caller and said it was 50 billion times better than his. The caller did a Gary the Retard impression which was pretty good. Robin said it wasn't as good as the finalist. Fred said that this guy sounds like Bobcat Goldthwait than Gary the Retard. Howard told the caller that the others were better than this guy. Howard said his best impression is being an annoying caller. He said he was doing everything wrong. The guy got in a plug for his web site ListenToKerry.com.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about genetically engineered foods and how they're doing this to improve shelf life of foods and things like that.
Robin read that Sacha Baron Cohen will be playing Freddy Mercury in a new film. Howard said he can see that. He said the guy is a real talent. Robin said the movie is on track for a 2011 release. Robin read some more details about that movie. Howard said that Sacha isn't afraid of doing gay stuff from what he's seen.
Robin read some news about Lindsay Lohan and how she didn't pass a drug test after she got out of rehab. Robin said that she's trying to get out there and work but she just can't stay off of drugs.
Howard took a call from a guy down in Florida who brought up a story about bedbugs in a library down there. Howard said no one is safe because you don't even know if there are bedbugs in your furniture. Howard said that he has a dog come in and smell ever month looking for bugs. Robin asked for him to give the number for that person. Howard said if you get carpet or bring bags home you schedule an appointment with this dog and it'll sniff out the bugs. Howard said he might have to buy the dog to live with him. Howard said the country is going to have to come to its senses and bring back DDT. He said it was the greatest 3 letters ever. Howard said they could do away with bedbugs and with malaria. The caller said the problem is that they try to kill the things but then they open up the place the next day. There's no way they're all dead after just one day. Howard said they can survive almost a whole year without eating too. He said once you get them, you're fucked.
Robin read about Paris Hilton and how she's struck a plea deal for her recent drug arrest. She won't get any jail time. Robin said that she could have ended up behind bars for a year if she hadn't made this deal.
Robin read that Mariah Carey is working with HSN to sell some of her own products. Howard said she's not a very good dresser. He said she wears the wrong stuff for her figure. Robin said everything will have butterflies on it. Howard said he was reading about how Madonna and her daughter Lourdes are doing very well in retail even with the economy doing so poorly.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he has to tell Howard about Mark David Chapman. He said he planned on killing Johnny Carson. Howard said he wanted to get famous so he was looking at Johnny and Elizabeth Taylor as well. He said that he picked John Lennon because he was easy access. Howard said that was good reporting.
Jeff told Howard that he didn't say that he was a loser once last week. He actually said it twice. Howard accepted his apology. Jeff said that was no apology. Jeff said he wants a hand written apology from Howard. Howard said he's not doing that. Jeff said he wants one to hang on his wall. Howard said he won't do it. Jeff wants to laminate it and hang it on the wall. Howard said no a few times before letting Jeff go.
Robin read about a Liberace museum that's having some financial difficulties. Robin said they were making a lot of money at one point. Howard said they were going to go see that out in Vegas when they were out there. They never got around to it. Howard said Liberace was one of his favorite guys. He said he was able to sue a newspaper for calling him gay... and he won. Howard said he'd go on Mike Douglas' show and Mike would ask when he was going to get married. Liberace would say he just hadn't found the right woman yet. They'd do that every time and he was still able to sue over that article. Howard said he also loved that he named his boyfriend ''Boober'' which is the greatest gay name ever. Howard said Liberace played the piano but he was basically known for doing nothing. Howard said he would drag all of his wealth around with him too. He said his whole act was about hauling out all of his garbage to the shows. Howard spent a few minutes talking about how great Liberace was lying about his homosexuality and things like that.
Robin got back to her news and read about this Christine O'Donnell woman who is running for senate and how they found tape of her talking about how she had experimented with witchcraft. Howard played some audio from that Bill Maher interview. They spent a few minutes talking about O'Donnell and her wacky comments.
Robin also read some news about Sarah Palin and speech she made where she talked about getting people to take their country back. Howard wondered how you do that. Robin said it's just rhetoric. They had some audio of Palin talking about that stuff. Gary came in and said that this Christine O'Donnell has some more accusations against her. Gary said he felt like they were beating up on her talking about all of that stuff. Howard had to do a couple of live commercials after that.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about the Tea Party. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth would let him make out with a woman in a movie again if he did another one. Howard said they actually talked about that and Beth said she'd be really uncomfortable with it. Howard said he knows he wouldn't like it if she was in a movie and had to make out with a dude.
The caller asked Howard if he does oral on Beth and then brushes his teeth. Howard said he's constantly brushing his teeth so he would do that after doing something like that. The caller asked Robin if Jim Florentine ever went down on her. Robin didn't say no so the caller took that as a yes and asked her how Jim freshened his breath with gasoline or alcohol.
Robin read a story about the military's don't ask, don't tell policy that they're trying to repeal. Robin had some audio of John McCain talking about that.
Robin read a story about a couple who were hiking on the Iran/Iraq border and got arrested by the Iranians. Robin had some audio of one of the people who was arrested and released. She was very thankful that they had been released. Howard goofed on the woman for a short time after hearing her statement.
Robin read about the Ground Zero mosque and the controversy that's still surrounding that. Howard said he can't imagine anyone is going to go to this ''Islamic Cultural Center'' that's going to be in that building. Howard said everyone is worried about it but no one is even going to go there. Robin said no one would even know it's there. Howard said he's changed his tune on it and he's fine with it now.
Robin read about how Brian Wilson is going to be on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno tonight. Robin had some of Wilson's latest stuff that she had Howard play.
Robin read about Joe Torre is stepping down from being manager of the Dodgers and Don Mattingly will be taking over. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read some news about Randy Quaid and his wife getting arrested for living in a home they don't own. They sold their home to someone and it was sold to another person but Randy and his wife are still living there. Robin read that they were arrested and are out on bail now. Robin said she's not sure what's going on with Randy.
Robin read about some people in a cult like church that were thought to be attempting suicide but they were found praying in a park.
Robin read some box office news. She said that The Town took in $23.8 million. She also said it was a great movie. Robin read about the other movies in the top 3. Robin read some football news to end her news. They spent a minute talking about the Manning family. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon mentioned that they had some stuff to talk about with Ralph too. Gary said that Ralph has more free time than anyone there and he's wondering why he doesn't use that time to create something. He said that Ralph just talks about doing it. Gary said he should be out there doing it and show that he can do it.
Jon brought up the Staff Impression contest and how they ran through that today. Gary said at one point they were going to let America vote but he changed his mind. Gary said that Howard micro manages and he's glad that Howard was involved in the voting.
Jon asked Gary about how that works when Howard is making it up on the fly. Gary said they wanted to fly in everyone to do a show but they can't afford to do that. He said he thinks it went very well today.
Jon asked who picks the finalists. Gary said that Jason did a lot of the work on that. Then Howard was taking some out throughout the show.
Jon said that there were some tough decisions in there today. Gary said that there really were. He said he liked some of the impressions but the Mark the Bagger impression was really good so he had to go with that one.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Benjy thing and he wondered if this was all because of Howard re-signing and maybe he won't re-sign because of Benjy. Gary said that Howard isn't going to not re-sign because of Benjy. The caller asked if anyone there thought about that. Jason said he actually did. He said that if Howard is on the fence about signing on there then they have to make things as pleasant as possible. Jason said that they have to do that to make Howard want to stay. The caller also mentioned that Ralph is an asshole. Gary asked him to repeat that so he did.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they should let America vote in the contest and then have Howard, Robin and Fred vote. He said that way it'll be fair. The guy said that they could end up having people cheating like Sal does when he has his friends email the show telling Howard how great he is.
The caller said that there can't be anyone who really likes Sal and Richard. He said he knows people who are Stern Fans and they don't like Sal and Richard. He said they all agree that it's super boring when they go into the studio.
Gary asked the guy what the people think of him. The caller said everyone loves Gary and he should come out there and do a book signing. Gary said he's sure he will do something out there when he's out there to do Kimmel's show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Rachel should have had 3 of the top 5 slots in the finals. He said that she was so good that she should have been able to beaten out the other 4. He was also wondering if they should have the audience vote. He said voices sound different when they're on the phone. Gary said he's pretty sure that it sounds very much like what they hear on the phone. Everyone will get their shot at the game though. Gary wondered if Rachel comes in and she's really hot, will she have an advantage over the guys. Jason said it's about the hot chick so of course she'd have an advantage.
Another caller asked what kind of pay cut the people are going to take there if they knock down their hours to two days a week. Gary said it's not about the amount of work they do, it's about the quality of the material they're putting out. Jason asked the caller if he takes a pay cut when he gets more vacation at work. The caller said that's not the same thing. Jason said it's a ridiculous argument.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Benjy is a dick head and Howard is right about him. He said that this show is a once in a lifetime thing. He thought he was late today but he was early today. The caller said that's what he heard this morning. The guy also thought Gary was going to be on Letterman tonight but it's not until October 25th.
The caller was also saying that the Muslims are taking over the world slowly and they're just as bad as the Nazis. Jon cut him off and moved on quickly.
Jon took a call from Lilly who asked Gary if he's going to be the first guest or second on Letterman. Gary said he'll be the second guest. She also asked how Benjy is behaving. Gary said he's tiptoeing around and just doing his job. She asked how long they think that will last. Gary said he should be back to himself by Wednesday.
Lilly asked if they wanted to take some action about Rachel being hot or not. Gary said he's not sure if Howard already talked to her about that. Lilly said she'd be willing to bet $100 that she's not hot. Jason asked if Rachel or Lilly being hotter. Lilly said that's a good one. Gary said Lilly has claimed that she's hot. She also sounds really hot. Lilly told Jason to run their pictures up on the web site and have a vote there. Jason said he'd look into that.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Gary on his bookings and also said that Rachel sounds kind of hot to him. He said she sounds very talented too. Jon said he thought her impressions were good but Lupe's impression is easy to do and the Underdog is harder. He said that's why he went with the Underdog impression. Jon said he just went with his gut. Jason said he agrees with Jon's decision. He said he liked the Tracey impression too though. Jon said it's going to be interesting when they all come in and do their impressions live.
Jason said he thinks that maybe they'd lose their petty cash if they don't keep Benjy on the books. Joe Jordan from Howard TV had some comments about that and told the guys what he knew about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that this is a bit they do on the show. He said that everyone always says that they love Benjy before they pile on him. Gary said they do that because they really do like Benjy. Jason said it's tough to say you want the guy fired on the air too so that might soften the blow. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Leslie also talked about passing out when she sees little people. Jon said Howard was trying to figure out what causes that. Gary said that they've seen Tyra Banks do shows where they had people face their fears and Tyra had to face her fears about dolphins. It appeared to be a real fear too.
Jon took a call from Wheels who asked if Gary and Howard have the same vacation time. Gary said that more or less they do. Wheels asked if Benjy got that time off too. Gary said no. He said that just kind of happened. Gary said Benjy just figured that when the studio was dark that he didn't have to be there. No one ever told him anything different either.
Wheels said he was just curious because they get 10 weeks of vacation and Benjy still can't show up on time. He said they should give Benjy a show from 5 to 5:45 in the morning and he'd be there on time. Gary said that's actually a great idea. Wheels said that would get him there on time. Gary said that's kind of rewarding him though. Wheels didn't think that was the case.
JD came in so Jon asked what he thought of Miss Howard TV. JD said he likes big asses and she didn't have one so she was just okay. They also talked about Miss Howard TV's husband and how he got her number from her mother. JD didn't see a problem there. Gary said that when you're working a job you shouldn't try to get the number from her parents.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he would never give his daughter's number. He said he can understand why the mother gave her number out because he's making good money. The guy said that it's not creepy at all in his opinion. The guy said that he's a father so he would never do that though.
Jon asked JD how the woman on Tyra Banks who had the fear of pennies got over her fear. JD said he's not sure. He said that Tyra did make her face her fear though.
JD said that Maurey Povich had those fear shows too. He said they had a person who had a fear of cotton and they had someone dress up in a cotton outfit and the person ran off the stage screaming. Gary said they should do that too and get High Pitch Eric back in there for his fear of fish.
A caller asked Gary about the way Howard was treating him today and if he thinks that it was a shtick coma that Howard was doing. Gary said that Howard did congratulate him off the air. He said that he never got one on the air though. Gary said he wishes that he didn't have to go out and do interviews now that Howard has said it'll be a lot of material for the show.
Gary said he has to be a good guest because everyone thinks he's going to suck. He said he has to go above and beyond now. The caller said that Gary has to put up with a lot of stuff behind the scenes and he thinks it would be nice if Howard would validate what he's doing. He said Gary deserves that. He said he hopes that Howard does appreciate it as must as he should. He also added that Benjy sucks big cock as he was hanging up. Jon said he doesn't think that anyone would be listening if Howard was praising Gary all the time.
Steve said he's been a Stern Fan for a very long time so he eats that stuff up. He said he ripped through it really fast and loved it.
Jon asked Steve if he was surprised that Gary was booked to do Letterman. Steve said it wasn't a big surprise. He said it's a daunting thing to go on a show like that though.
Jon asked Gary who he's going to bring over there with him. He said that Steve is kind of assigned to him so he may be the one going over there with him. Gary said he has to figure out his entourage though. JD said that Langford is obsessed with the cookies they have back stage at Letterman. He's seen him there when he's gone to Letterman with Artie.
Jon said that since they were talking about books he had to bring up Greg Fitzsimmons. Gary said that he sent Greg an email today and he'll have to talk Greg off the ledge. He said he's going to tell Greg to just cut his loses and move ahead now. Steve said that he should just stop and move on. It's over now.
Gary said that he got a copy of the transcript of the interview and they looked over it and it came out different than they expected it to when it was all written out. Jon asked JD what he thought about this but he was giggling so he wondered what was up with that. JD said he was thinking of something funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they thought of Boardwalk Empire. Gary said he loved it. Jon didn't get to see it yet. Gary said he was annoyed by the show at first but he eventually got into it. Jon said he heard that the next two episodes are great.
Jon took a call from a guy who had some suggestions about the Staff Impression contest and how they should hide them behind a curtain so they can't go by looks. Gary said they'll consider that and bring it up.
Jon said that Robin has been running and she did 18 miles. She's getting closer to the marathon distance. Gary said that some people handle it better than others so hopefully Robin can make it. Gary wondered if they should be out there that day for her. He wondered if Howard 100 News will be out there. Steve said he's pretty sure Lisa will be out there for her. Steve said he's not a runner so he doesn't think he'd be able to do it.
Jon asked Steve if he thins Robin can do 26 miles. Steve said he doesn't know. Gary said he was thinking about doing a half marathon in March and even that sounds like a lot to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his wife did a marathon a couple of years ago and he was there for her when she did 21 miles. He said there's no way he could do that many miles. He said that a marathon pushes you and everything about you. He said they should definitely be out there for Robin though. He said if they see her at the 21 mile mark, they're going to see things they've never seen before.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Robin is going to be crapping her pants and sweating and they should just leave her alone. Jon what the chances are that she'll crap her pants. He was guessing that it would be a 50/50 guess that she will crap her pants. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a couple of people stopping by this morning. They had Mark McGrath and some other people coming in. He said he has to talk to Greg Fitzsimmons about his book foreword. Howard said he just wants him to say no. He won't let him off the hook though. Howard said he's not sure why Greg is doing this. He said he's mad at him now. Howard said he knows he fucked up by saying he'd do it but now Greg should see where he stands. Howard said Greg is upset that he doesn't like the foreword he wrote. Howard said it's all shameful. He said the whole thing is embarrassing. Howard said he's just going to tell him it ain't happening.
Howard said he heard that Greg said his editor is putting it off and now he's pulling the foreword. Howard said he didn't want anything to do with it right from the start. Howard said he doesn't want him to hold him to something that he didn't want to do.
Howard said he was reading Rolling Stone magazine and the dance charts showed that the number one dance song was Yoko Ono. Howard said he listened to it and the reason is that someone took her voice and mixed it so it doesn't sound like Yoko Ono. Howard said he can't imagine that she's proud of this. Robin said she must be proud of it. Howard played some of the song and said he's glad he's not young enough that he has to hear that playing in a club.
Robin said they should get the original so they can hear what Yoko sounded like originally. Howard said he's pretty sure they could come up with something like that for a song. He said they could take a dialog from the show and make it into a song. He said they just need the right producer. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to dance. Robin does like to go out and do that once in a while. Robin said she just goes with friends.
Howard played Evil Dave singing ''War Pigs'' to give everyone something they liked. Robin said that's a riot. Howard said it's a winner.
Howard said Yoko Ono has a number one hit and he needs someone to do that with his show so he can have a number one song.
Howard said this caller can play for him up against Roman Polanski or Woody Allen. Robin wanted to play Roman Polanski. Howard said they went over to Rockefeller Center and asked a bunch of tourists who they liked better, Howard Stern or Roman Polanski. Howard asked the caller, Vito, who he thinks would win that. Vito said he has to go with Howard. He said there's no way he's going to lose to a rapist. Sal came in and said there are 10 people per poll so they can take bets on how many voted for each person. Howard just stuck with the main game. He played the results and they got one Howard Stern as being ''worse'' than Roman. Howard played the second and got another Howard Stern. Then it was a third, fourth and then a Roman Polanski and another Roman Polanski. Howard said he can't believe he's struggling with this. Howard got 2 more Roman's and another Howard Stern. Then one more Howard Stern.
Howard said that is unbelievable. He said a child rapist has a better reputation than he does. Howard said the guy raped a 13 year old and gave her ruffies. Howard said the caller lost $711 too. Howard let him go. Howard said he's not giving money to people who lose anymore. He said it takes the fun out of the game. Robin said she's shocked.
Howard said he went out to dinner with Brad Grey the other night and they got there early. He said that he and Beth are always early. They were sitting there and Beth told him that there was a group of old people looking over at them like they were ruining their whole night. Howard said they were craning their necks to look at them and Beth said it was hysterical. Howard said people are fascinated with him but he's feared and despised.
Howard said he has gone up against Son of Sam Berkowitz and others in this game. He said that if he loses to him then it's really insane. Fred said he'd only lose if people don't know who that is. Howard said he has to beat Son of Sam. He said the guy shot people in cold blood. Gary said they did that one already. Howard said they didn't do it yet. Gary said the time was marked on it so it was played. Howard said he didn't know what Gary was saying. Howard beat him 9-1 according to Gary. Howard said they should have taken it off the computer if they were done with it. Gary said they never know when he's going to go back to something. Howard said it's a game though so he wouldn't go back to it.
Howard said that they've played games before and they take it all away. He doesn't go back to games. Howard said he can't wait for Gary to go on David Letterman. He's going to love seeing him have nothing to say. Howard said Gary is out there bitching now. Gary said he's really not all full of himself like Howard thinks. Howard said the Letterman is going to be the best appearance. He said he has some tips for Gary but he's not going to share them because he wants him to do everything wrong. He said he has a thought about what he's going to be doing and he wants him to fail. He said Ralph told him about what he heard on the Wrap Up Show and he's just going to let Gary fail. Gary said he didn't say anything on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Gary was very nervous doing that pitch for the Mets and this Letterman is going to be worse. He said it would be great if he just went out and peed his pants. Howard said Gary should talk about the time he peed in a diaper on the show. Then he can just wet his pants. Gary said that would be funny.
Gary said he heard that Vinnie Favale was interviewed by the news and he said that he should be afraid going on the show. That made him nervous.
Howard read some email about Gary going on Letterman and people were saying that he was being an asshole to Gary. They wanted him to congratulate him instead. Howard said that would make for some really interesting radio. Howard said he's just giving his real opinion on the whole thing. The writer also gave him a fuck you and a ''good luck with the baby'' that he's apparently going to have some day. Howard said the guy was really angry at him. He said the writer was telling him that the baby will look like his grandchild when Beth leaves him.
Gary asked why it was okay for Artie to write a book. Robin and Howard explained it to him that Artie's life was very interesting and he had a lot to say. Howard said Gary's life isn't as interesting. Howard said he does know that Gary's book is going to be a best seller. He said everyone is going to have to check it out because it's so crazy that he actually wrote a book.
Howard and Robin were goofing on Gary about how he worked at a record store and that they usually read books about people who ran record companies, not people who worked in a record store. Howard said he heard that there's a book coming out about a guy who worked at a Dunkin' Donuts. Howard said that was one of those recommended books on amazon.com.
Howard was talking about some of the other stories he read in that book and Gary said one of them wasn't in there. Howard said he read it and Gary doesn't even know what's in his own book. Howard said this book is the greatest book. He said he has a galley book and people see it and ask what the fuck it is. Howard said it's a great conversation starter. Howard said maybe Robin can read the audio book version while she's running.
Howard goofed on Gary some more about the stories he read about his family life and how his father was known as Sally Foo. Gary said that story is not in the book. Gary said he told Howard the story on the air. Gary said the story about his father is in there but not the story about the record store.
Howard asked Gary where he got in based on his father's ''Sally Foo' name. Gary said that Howard had the story wrong and he shouldn't talk about it if he can't retain the story. Howard said he has enough nonsense in his head. He doesn't need to retain that story. Howard said Gary does tell a story about Sally Foo and how Gary got in somewhere. Gary said he was going to get thrown out of a social club until he threw his father's name out there. Gary said that wasn't something good that happened. Howard said that's what he was saying. He's wondering how he scored a 121 on the IQ test. Howard said he was saying that using the name opened a door for him. That's exactly what happened.
Howard and Gary went back and forth with that story. Howard said Gary was accepted and that's all he was saying. Gary said Howard was making something out to sound like he got something positive out of the experience. Howard told Gary to make sure he reads his own book before going on Letterman. He imagined him arguing with Letterman.
Howard asked how people can advance order this book. Gary said they can go on amazon.com or go on his web site BabaBooey.com.
Howard said he finds it funny that his father was ''Sally Foo'' and Gary is Baba Boo...ey. Howard said Gary is out there eating in his office. He said it's like Julia Child back there. Gary said he's just opening up his breakfast. Howard said he had better hope he continues working. Howard said Gary has a whole party going on back there. Howard said he prepares like a surgeon. He has his food perfectly placed and the lemon bags on the side. Gary said he puts lemon in his water for his kidney stones. Howard said Gary's nails are driving him nuts. He said he clips them perfectly and must spend a lot of time on them. Gary said he cuts them like once every four weeks.
Howard said Gary is opening up his food very carefully. He said he doesn't just rip the top off. He takes it off carefully. Gary said he had salt and pepper shakers too. Howard asked why he needs that. Gary said he needs pepper on his eggs. Howard said he never puts more salt. Howard told him he should be more like him. Gary asked ''Shouldn't everybody?''
Howard said he should go with Gary to Letterman. He wants to sit in the green room and make him mental. Gary said that's like Artie showing up for his pitch. Howard said he told Gary not to do that stupid pitch.
Gary was putting guacamole on his eggs so Robin and Howard sounded surprised by that. Howard watched Gary eating back there and goofed on him some more. He and Fred were both making fun of him doing that.
Howard asked Gary why he only put guacamole on half of the eggs. Gary said maybe he is too meticulous. Howard said he was painting it like Picasso. Howard said Gary loves that.
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Howard said that the pictures he took yesterday really weren't that good and he was blaming Jason. Jason told him that it's Doug that does them. Howard said that's creepy. He said it's a really creepy move on Doug's part.
Doug showed up and said that they do it for the Howard TV web site and they just organically did it. Howard asked Doug what's wrong with him this morning. Doug has allergies and they've been really bad for a couple of weeks now. Howard asked if he was wearing make up. Doug's skin was really white and he had dark circles under his eyes.
Howard told Doug if he's going to do something creepy he should disguise it. Doug said there is nothing weird going on. Howard said they have bikini girls up there and that's the only time he ever takes pictures. Howard said they're not even good pictures. He said that he's not a good photographer. Doug said he's a good photographer. Howard asked why he has to be the one taking the pictures. Doug explained that he does it because that's just something they started doing. He said the guys who do their web site asked him to give them some pictures. He said they do a lot more than Jason does.
Howard said that Doug kicked Lisa G out of the green room so he could fluff the pillows. Doug said he's not the one who takes all of the pictures. He said they have another guy who takes more. Howard said Gange is the one who goes to Vegas all the time and Doug is the guy who has to photograph the girls. Ronnie came in and said that he has to close the door and he locks everyone out. He said it's like a whole Playboy shoot. Doug said there really isn't anything here.
Howard asked Doug if this is just for the Howard TV girls. Doug said it is. Howard said that Jason has never locked the door before. Doug said he stands behind the door. Ronnie said it's great. He said you can't see what's going on because he locks the door. Doug said there is nothing to it. Howard said he knows he's not having an affair but he is getting off on it. Doug said he doesn't get off on it.
Howard said the pictures he's taking are all of semi-naked girls. Doug said that is true but that's what they have around there.
Howard said he wants to see the girl's faces when Doug locks the door. Doug said the girls are not uncomfortable. Howard showed some pictures that Doug took and they were apparently pretty bad. Ronnie said they reminded him of the Scores shoots he used to do. Howard said Doug should get naked himself to make the girls more comfortable.
Ronnie and Doug went back and forth arguing about that stuff. Howard said that Doug has to admit that this is creepy. Doug said he's just doing his job. He said he puts these girls on TV. Howard said it just doesn't make sense that he's doing it. Ronnie said he must have a secret room in his basement with all of the pictures hanging up. Doug said he doesn't have that and he doesn't get off on it. He said there's really nothing to it. He said it just happened organically. Doug said he didn't want Jason taking 20 pictures. Howard told him he's taking him off of this and he wants Jason taking the pictures. He said Doug doesn't need to do it anymore. He said it's creepy and Jason can do that instead. Doug said that's fine. Howard said Doug is free to do other things now. Doug said it only takes like 5 minutes to do. He said he's fine with that but it's so not what Howard is reading into it.
Ronnie said no one ever notices this stuff but someone did yesterday. Howard said he asked Jason why the pictures weren't very flattering and then Jason told him that it was Doug taking the shots in a special photo shoot. Doug said it's not a special shoot.
Howard and Ronnie were goofing on the pictures that Doug took and how weird the girl looked in the picture. Howard said that's what happens when you take a picture with a full erection.
Howard told Jason to take over the photo shoots. Jason was fine with that. Howard said that Doug had that surgery on his eyes and maybe he can't see what the pictures look like. Doug said he has taken good pictures. Howard said Doug must beat off once in a while. Doug said he does but he's never thought about the girls. Howard wanted him to swear on his kids that he doesn't beat off to those girls. Doug said he can't do that. He said there may have been one or two that he beat off to.
Howard told Doug that this is weird and it has to stop. Howard said that he did have some nice shots that the guys were showing him. He said he had to have beat off to some of those girls. Doug said he only had so much room in the green room with the door shut. He said it's like a 4x4 room. Howard said he locked many a door when he was single. Ronnie said many a partitions went up in the limo too. Howard told Doug not to do this anymore and that's that.
Doug asked about Benjy's breakfast. Howard said he's defying him on the lunch thing. Doug said they reinstated the breakfast after the 3 month ban was up. He said that they put up a note 4 times on Thursday asking about it. Doug said that if Howard has a problem with it, they have to resolve it. Howard said he told the guys not to give him breakfast but they apparently didn't hear it.
Howard let Doug go after that. He told him to take pictures of Benjy eating his free breakfast. Robin said the pictures he took looked like the girls were in captivity. They looked like ransom pictures according to Robin. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he didn't remember that song. He said he can't believe that Steven Tyler is going to be a judge on American Idol. He said they have to talk to Joe Perry about that. Robin said he must not be happy about that. Howard said Joe must not be jealous but for the band he must be upset.
Howard said Will Arnett is there and he's there to promote his new TV show. Will came in and Howard said he heard he does a lot of voice overs. Howard was about to ask a question but Will asked why the fuck Benjy is in there. He thought he was banned. Will said that Benjy has fooled them with his age and he was going to say he's the younger generation but it turns out Benjy is even older than Will is. Will said that Howard should have fired Benjy. He said he should have done that immediately. Will said that everyone has gotten lazier these days. He said that everyone is more relaxed and people go out into the world not having any sense of what it's like out there. Will said he's a fan of Benjy's too.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks about this. Benjy said he liked ''Arrested Development.'' Howard didn't want to let Benjy drag the interview down so he just moved on.
Howard asked Will about his parents and how he grew up the son of a Harvard graduate. Howard asked if that was tough. Will said he grew up pretty well off but his father wasn't really wealthy. He said he was the CEO of Molson up in Canada. Will said his father was very much like Howard is in his personal life. He said his father was a corporate lawyer before he ran Molson too. Will said his father is a very moderate guy and he didn't drink a lot or anything like that. He said his father always made him work so he worked at the airport and he dug ditches up there too.
Howard asked Will if he had problems with drinking. Will said he did drink like a fuckin' asshole. He said he fucked people he shouldn't have and he's sure all of those dudes are mad at him now. Howard asked if he just stopped one day. Will said he did just stop. He said he was doing voice over at the time and nothing sounds better than someone who just got done drinking at 4am. Will said he does announcing for GMC trucks and stuff like that. Howard said he'd like to do that. Howard had Will do some of the voice over stuff for him. Howard sounded impressed. He asked if they pay a fortune. Will said they do pay very well. Howard asked how many of those things he does now. Will said he's pretty much just doing the GMC stuff right now.
Howard asked Will about how he was going to be KITT on the new Knight Rider show but they took it away from him and gave it to Val Kilmer. They did that because Will is a GMC guy and KITT was a Ford. Will said he's been the voice of GMC since 1998 and they just wanted to move on from that in the Knight Rider thing. Howard said no one would have known it was him. Will said it would be like Robin promoting strawberry drink when she's really a green drink drinker.
Will said he used to listen to the show and Howard was just starting to drink again years ago and he'd say he'd just have one. Then he started drinking more and more. Howard said he's not a big drinker. He said he can have two glasses of wine and he's fine. He had one drink at the Jimmy Kimmel party they were both at. Howard said he and Will were talking to Jeff Probst and giving him a whole thing. Will said that he was just thinking about how he was standing next to Howard the whole time. He said he's a big fan. Will said he and jimmy always talk about Howard when they hang out.
Will said that Jimmy isn't like the Hollywood Scene kind of guy. He said they just wanted to have a party and organically talk to Howard. He said that's what Dax Shepard talked about doing too. They didn't want to bother Howard. Howard said it was kind of creepy but he liked Dax a lot. Howard said he likes Will's wife Amy Poehler too. He said he had no idea who Will was though. Will said he's fine with that. He said he'd rather not be in Howard's cross hairs.
Howard got back to Will's parents and asked him if they gave him a hard time about what he wanted to do for a living. Will said they were very supportive actually. He said that his friends thought he was a loser for wanting to go down to New York to study acting though. Howard said that's what his father thought about him too. He said his father didn't think he could work in radio with the voice he had. He said his mother just said that someone had to be on radio and it might as well be him. Will said he loves the impression he does of his father. He said that kills him.
Howard said Will's parents must have wanted him to be a lawyer. Will said that is what they wanted. Howard said it took a lot of balls to move to New York and give this a try. Howard asked if he just started studying acting. Will said he wanted to be a serious actor and he was always just a goof off. He said he was too dumb to ask questions as a kid.
Howard asked what he did first as far as acting work. Will said he had a gig on a sitcom where he got $20,000 to do it. He said the show didn't work out and he was shattered. Howard said he has a friend who starred in her own sitcom and she can't find work now. Will said that things happen to you that just humiliate you. He said he got a second sitcom with Mike O'Malley. He said that aired 2 episodes and they canceled it. Then he got one the next year with Cheri Oteri. That bombed too. He said he did one the next year for CBS called ''Still Sanding'' and he was like the fifth banana on that show. He said the series got picked up and he thought it was great but then they fired him. He said he thinks Les Moonves didn't like his character. Howard said Les is a former bartender. Will said that was Les' tweak of the show. He's sure the guy didn't know his name though. Will said he did hire him for a few pilots though. He said he would thank him for firing him though because he got on ''Arrested Development'' the next year. He said he should be thanking the guy every day.
Howard said ''Arrested Development'' took off and did 3 seasons. Will said they got great reviews but the show didn't do that well in the ratings and it was 3 short seasons.
Howard said Will is now on ''Running Wilde'' which premiere's tonight. Howard said it must make him nervous. Will said there are no guarantees. He said that even if the ratings are huge tonight they could drop off next week. He stars on the show with Keri Russell. Howard said he was a big fan of her on ''Felicity.'' Howard said JJ Abrams produced the show so he was kind enough to let him and his kids come down to see the show being filmed. Then they let his kids be extras on the show. Howard said the kids were watching them making out on the set the whole time. Howard said Scott Speedman and Keri were making out off camera the whole time and didn't care that his kids were there.
Howard asked Will if he and his wife Amy are competitive with their shows. Will said that they shoot their shows on the opposite coasts. It's not easy so they have people who watch the kids for them. He said he must employ like 11 or 12 people helping out. He said that they have to stimulate the economy somehow.
Howard asked if Amy is breast feeding. Will didn't know. Howard said he loves that he doesn't know. Will said that he doesn't like to answer personal questions like that. He said he's not at liberty to discuss that stuff.
Howard asked Will if they circumcised their kids. Will said they have two sons and they did. Howard said he wonders why they do that. He said it's just a mutilation of the penis. Will said maybe it was dirty in the desert and that's why they did it. He said he's not sure why they keep doing it today. Howard wondered why they keep ding it because they don't cut off girl's clitorises.
Howard said he read that Will was married one other time but just for one year. Howard asked what happened there. Will said he was only 24 at the time. He said he was young and stupid and incompetent. He said he was married to actress Penelope Ann Miller. He said they met through a friend and it just escalated and turned into them not knowing each other. He said they got out of the marriage early. He said there was no great story behind it though. He said they only went out for a month before getting married.
Will told Howard that he didn't marry Amy for another 10 years. He said he had spells of drinking during that 10 years.
Howard asked about how Amy is hosting Saturday ?night Live this weekend. Will said they actually live there in New York. Howard said he thought they lived in L.A. Will said they just work out there and go back and forth for that stuff. Will said there is nowhere better than New York. He said he loves it there.
Howard said he enjoyed meeting Will at Jimmy's party and taking to his wife for like 3 seconds. Will said that Amy's father is a huge fan of Howard's. He said he was talking to him about the Kimmel party and his father-in-law was telling him how Howard had no idea who he was at the Kimmel party.
Howard gave Will some plugs for his new show ''Running Wilde'' and asked what it was about. Will told Howard about the show and what it's about and how they shoot it out on Long Island. He said they have a hilarious British guy on the show. He said Howard will love the guy. Howard said he needs this show to take off. He said he'll have his audience tune in and watch it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Will about the possibility of an Arrested Development movie. Will said that if people who know about the show now actually watched it back then, it would have been a huge hit. He said they have talked about making a movie and they are working on it. He said they're writing the script now. Howard said he'd love to play a villain. He said he thinks he'd be better at that than a good guy. Will said he may have to come on Howard's show for his character.
Howard asked Will how he met Amy. He said he knew her before she was even on Saturday Night Live. He said he thought she was awesome and he used to tell his girlfriend how great he thought Amy was. Then he married Amy 7 years later.
Will told Howard about how he gave up drinking. He used to be a Jameson on the rocks drinker. He said he'd love to get an endorsement now but it would mean anything to him at this point.
Howard asked Will if he has a lot of famous friends. Will said he dos but that just comes with the job. He said he's had Tiny Fey over to the house. Howard said that Tina came on the show and said some stuff about Paris Hilton and it hit the news so she hasn't come back since.
Will asked Howard if he watches TMZ and those shows. He knows that Robin was watching it. Robin said she can't avoid it.
Howard asked Will how he got into Amy Poehler's pants. Will said that Amy went on two dates with a buddy of his and he's still a friend of his. He said that it didn't really work out so he and Amy started taking. He said she was very forward and told him that they should get together. He said she gave him her number and they took it from there. He said his friend didn't care that they were going to date. He said he even came to the wedding. Robin said that guy should have given the bride away. Howard asked if he would have stayed away from her if the friend told him to. Will said he probably would have for a while.
Howard wrapped up with Will and gave him a plug for his show that's on FOX tonight at 9:30. Will said he has to say that Howard is a great interviewer. He said that he'll lull people into things and then encourage them to talk about things they don't usually talk about. He said he's so fascinating with that. Howard thanked him for coming in and Will said it was a pleasure. Howard said if he ever sees his kids, say hello to them too. Howard said this sitcom has to work for Will. He said he's been in enough of them that one has to work.
Will brought up reality shows and talked about how they can't rerun them so they're killing the TV business. Howard said he was up watching Dancing with the Stars last night. They talked about those shows being fun and things like that. Will talked about The Jersey Shore and how great it is that the guy ''The Situation'' named his abs ''The Situation.'' Howard said this could go on all morning but he can't go on. Will said he could sit in all morning. He was quoting some of the clips that Fred plays like ''Keep it real up in the field, aight!'' Will said he's a huge fan of the show. Howard said Fred drops some of the clips completely and he asked why he does that. Fred said he brings them back once in a while.
Will asked Howard if he could come in and do a panel with some people from the show sometime. Will said he loves Beetlejuice. Howard said they have the Staff Impression contest going on. Will said he loved the guy who did the Big Foot impression. Howard said he has a great contest coming up. He said they have the Worst Penis Injury Contest coming up soon and they might need a judge.
Howard asked Will who his favorite Wack Packer is. Will said he loves Beetlejuice. He also loves the new girl, Little Lupe, and her clips. Howard said he has the worst news ever. He said they had Lupe and Dave Lampert coming in on Thursday and Dave is like 87 years old and fell off a horse. He broke his hip so he won't be coming in. Robin said she knew they'd never make that happen. Howard said Lupe will be coming in. Robin said they had to help Dave up and down from the seat for the Sybian. Howard said they should bring him in on his hospital bed.
Howard asked Will if there's anyone on the show he doesn't like. Will said he loves the show and loves JD, Sal and Richard. He said sometimes you want Sal to give it a rest. He said he has no idea what JD looks like though. He said he likes everyone on the show, even Benjy. He said he was listening last week and felt disappointed with Benjy. He said he felt bad about Howard saying that he was going to ban Benjy from the building if he shows up late again.
Howard had JD come in and say hello to Will. JD came in and Fred played his techno theme song. JD came in and said a quick comment that was unintelligible. He explained that he was saying that his dream boat had arrived. Howard asked Will about JD's outfit and what he could do with that. Will told him to do something with the jeans. He said that Limp Bizkit is over with. Will said he had no idea what JD looked like until just now. He said it wouldn't take much to make him look better. Howard said he just had a conversation with Ralph about this. He said that they could make him look so much better. Beth already did that though and it didn't work.
Will asked JD about his relationship with his parents. Will was reminded about all of that and it was all coming back to him. Will said he must not feel he's deserving of good clothes and a good look. JD said he's not sure about that. Will told JD to repeat after him and had him say ''JD is a friend of mine. Stop being mean to him.'' Will told him he has a great work ethic.
Howard said he had Beetlejuice on the phone to say hello to Will. It was actually Richard and Sal playing clips but they weren't doing a great job. They weren't quick enough on the mouse clicks. Will said he loves Sal and Richard's great phone calls. Howard had the two of them come in to meet Will. Will said he loves the show and he listens every fuckin day.
Sal and Richard came in and said hello. Richard told him he's a big fan of Monsters Vs. Aliens fan. Will said no one knows what he's talking about. Will knows a guy that Sal and Richard know so they talked about that guy, Billy. Lisa G went out with that guy too so they brought her in to meet Will too. Howard said maybe the whole Howard TV crew could come in. Howard said he didn't know that Lisa dated. Lisa said it was years ago. She said it was just one date. She said that they didn't even kiss on the date. It was just dinner.
Howard asked Will if he wanted to meet Evan the Engineer. Will said he liked that kid. Howard said he can't introduce him to everyone today. Will said he'd come back and meet more people. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he would have loved to have been able to play that ZZ Top song at WNBC. He said he loves ZZ Top. He said they must have gotten laid a lot even with those beards. Robin said she's never been with a guy with a beard like that. Howard said that beard might tell women to stay away. He said they insist on keeping them even though they've thinned out a lot over the years. He said it's like wispy now.
Howard said Mark McGrath is going to come in but he had to get to a few things first. Howard said that wrestler Butterbean is still fighting and they hired a guy to sing the National Anthem at some event and the guy forgot the words. Howard said they really don't need to sing at these ultimate fighting events. Howard played the clip and the guy didn't know any of the lyrics. He was lost right from the start.
Howard said Will Arnett was a good guest. He said that was a fun interview. Howard said he got a note from Beth's uncle and aunt who live down in Virginia. He said there was an article in the local paper down there and they mentioned that Howard Stern had spent some time down there studying for his FCC license. Howard read the article where they say who he is and they wrote about how Howard's tie to Fredericksburg, Virginia was and they said he got a C in his FCC class. Howard said he wants to go on record and say that he went down there to the Radio Engineering Institute to get a first class FCC license and there were no grades given. He said he got a passing grade on the first try. There is no grade, it's either pass or fail. Howard said that pisses him off. He said his news department should go investigate.
Howard said Mark used to cheat on girlfriends. Mark said they are working on rebuilding their relationship. He said he and his girlfriend have had trouble being faithful. Howard read that he was with Pam Anderson years ago. Mark said that's just not true. He denied being with Carmen Electra. Howard denies doing anything with her too even though he took a shower with her in Malibu. Howard read some of the other names on the list like Rachel Hunter and women like that. Mark said he wasn't a great boyfriend.
Howard said he heard that Mark's girlfriend is gorgeous and stunning. Mark said she is and he's going to marry her now. They have twins together. Howard said Mark has said that he will make mistakes in the future and she is prepared for that. Howard said Mark said he's going to be a bad husband and he's not even married yet. Mark said he doesn't want to be at 42 years old. Mark said he's made mistakes in the past and he will try not to again.
Howard asked if he could have been cured if he had gone to the hospital. Mark said it's possible. He said he died of a massive coronary. He said he refused to let the emergency workers do anything to him to save him. He said he was 68 years old and he went out the way he wanted to. Mark said it's a shame because he just had twins. He said he could see his dad decompress after they were born and it was like he thought his job was done and he passed away 2 weeks later.
Mark said he didn't mean to bring the show down. He said his mother is still around and his mom and dad were still close even after their divorce. He said they both put on a brave face for the kids. He said his father had a significant other right up to the end. He said she was a good person who was able to put up with his bullshit. Howard asked if he was a faithful husband or was he rogue like Mark. Mark said he was more rogue and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Howard asked Mark about the kids that he just had and how Mark isn't married yet. Mark said the woman is his fiancee now. Howard said that he's a famous rock star who gets a lot of pussy. He said he heard that Mark fucked Paris Hilton at one point. Mark said he was young once and he did do stuff like that. He said he may have done Paris. He said she is a hot chick so why not.
Howard asked Mark what's going to happen if he gets a hand job from someone. Is he going to tell his wife? Mark said he would not. Howard asked if he wants to be 100 percent faithful. Mark said he odes. He said that his girlfriend is his best friend and he wants to be in a rocking chair with her at 72. He said that she's had her indiscretions too. He said that they go out and do their own thing and then other people tell him about what she was up to. Mark said that it was a rock and roll insanity thing. He said they have a lot of skeletons in their closets. He said that he's sure she doesn't trust him and he doesn't trust her but they're working on it. He said he trusts her more than he did 5 years ago. He said there's something there because they've been together for 16 years now.
Howard asked Mark if the guys in Sugar Ray are still playing. Mark said they are. He said they do shows around the country. He said that the original four are going out and playing music and having fun doing it. He said they have more fun now than they did before because they're doing it for fun. He said they get some nice coin thrown at them for shows. Howard asked if they'll play a bar mitzvah. He said they do get paid very well for something like that. He said that they're very fortunate in that way. He said they can make $50-100,000 to do a gig like a bar mitzvah.
Howard said Mark really knows his music and he's been on Rock and Roll Jeopardy and things like that. Mark said it doesn't make him smart though. He said it's a selective intelligence. Howard asked who the best singer is in rock. Mark said it's Chris Cornell for him. Howard said he loves the guy too. Mark was asked who the greatest front man was ever. Mark said it was David Lee Roth. He said Mick Jagger is up there too. Mark said the whole David Lee Roth thing spoke to him more than Mick Jagger did.
Howard and Mark talked about how Sacha Baron Cohen is going to be playing Freddy Mercury in a Queen movie. Mark said he thinks that's going to be great but he hasn't heard him sing. They talked about the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton as well. Mark said Clapton spoke more to him than Jimi did.
Howard said Mark is hosting a new show and those thoughts on the rock stars show he's going to be good. Howard said Mark is a good singer too but Mark said he's really not. He said he's not a technical singer. Howard said it doesn't matter because he's good. Howard said he thinks that David Bowie is a great front man too. He and Mark talked about how great guys like that were.
Howard asked who the best female singer is. Mark said Chrissy Hynde is great. Howard said Mark could have been Professor Rock and Roll. Howard asked if he would teach a class in music. Mark said he took a class about the Beatles at USC and he got a C- in that class. Howard said that Dr. Demento used to teach classes and his friend Dr. Lou took that class. Howard said he had a chip on his shoulder and it turned out to be one of the most difficult classes ever.
Mark asked Howard why he's not an American Idol judge. He was also saying that he's going to miss Howard if he's leaving SIRIUS. Howard said he's going to see what happens. He said he's been in non-stop meetings lately. Howard told Mark he has no idea what's going on.
Robin pointed out that Mark has a lot of tattoos on him and they're so random. Mark said that's hat happens when you get tattoos at 3 in the morning. Howard said he's thinking about getting one to commemorate his 35th year in radio. He said he wants to get something and needs an artist to come up with something cool. Mark said that Mr. Cartoon should draw something up for him. Mark showed Howard some of his work and some other work that he's had done on him.
Mark wanted Howard to get a panel on his arms and really commit to it. Howard said he was thinking about something on his forearm but Mark told him not to do that. He said he needs something substantial though. Howard said he should get a big 35 on his face. Mark said a lot of kids are getting stuff tattooed on their faces. Mark said he won't go that far. He did have something done on his neck though. He said he had that one removed. He said he got that one done at like 3 in the morning and it was a big Virgin Mary on his neck. Mark said it was all Irish Guilt that made him do that.
Mark said he's not really religious but he is spiritual. He said he goes to church on the holidays. Mark said Howard is into some of that stuff too. He said that he seems to be tapping into that more now. Howard said he's into the Transcendental meditation. Mark said he needs to get into that but he tried doing it with Rick Rubin and it didn't work for him. He said he has voices in his head that he can't shut off. Howard said Mark needs to calm the fuck down.
Howard said Mark is doing a new show called ''Don't Forget the Lyrics'' which he got thanks to Gary. Gary and Jon Hein were on this show ''Don't Forget the Lyrics'' and Mark was there with them. Howard asked Mark if he can believe that Gary is on Letterman. Mark said that's the greatest thing ever.
Howard said Mark was a lifeline for Gary on this show ''Don't Forget the Lyrics.'' He went out to help Gary with a question he had a hard time with. Mark said he kind of knew the song and it's way harder than you think it is. Howard said he doesn't know the lyrics to any song. Mark said there are guys who use teleprompter's, like Scott Weiland, and that's just not rock and roll. Mark said he's forgotten the lyrics many times. He said there are two things you can do. He said you can either just keep going or stop the show and make a joke out of it. Mark said he forgets all the time. He said he won't use a teleprompter because that's so not rock and roll. Mark said you just have to connect with the audience. He said that's why he'll just stop the show and admit he forgot the lyrics.
Howard asked Mark if he has ever been on stage with someone and gotten really nervous. He said he had to sing with Shania Twain and that was tough. He said he had to go in and do a duet with her with Mutt Lang sitting there judging him. He said it was really tough. Mark said they asked him to be on Shania's greatest hits album and he couldn't turn that down. He said he flew out to their place and the song was released. They even did a video for the song. It's on her greatest hits album. Robin asked if they still rehearse. Mark said they do once in a while but they've been playing so long that they don't have to rehearse too much.
Howard said that Mark got this show that Wayne Brady used to host. Howard said Mark was on with Gary after Gary bothered him to be on. Mark said he was happy to do the show. Howard said Mark would rather do that than go fuck Pam Anderson. Gary said Mark told him he would be there for him whenever he needed him.
Howard said he knows Mark was helping Gary out. He said Mark came out and Jon Hein had given mark the answer. After the show the creator of the show thought Mark was really good on camera and handled it very well. They hired Mark to do the show but his agent but he had a hard time getting through to him. Gary said he had to give Mark the guy's phone number. He said he had a really tough time getting in touch.
Mark said that this was another case of the show coming through for him again. He said he's not sure what he's going to do when Howard leaves. Mark said this stuff isn't going to happen for him without it.
Howard said he loves game show hosts and he's been approached to do them. He said he wants to do something very simple like this show. Mark said that this show is syndicated and it's during the day so you have to check your local listings for air times. Mark said he has fun with the show and some of the people can really sing. Mark said that some of the people come out and they can win 50 g's.
Mark said the people that play have a lot of knowledge and they do very well. He wasn't saying if anyone won the 50 grand though. Mark said the lyrics are tough and sometimes people come out and just forget. It's tough in person when you're doing something like that.
Howard asked Mark if he's a millionaire. Mark said he's doing okay. He said he's saved up some money. Howard asked if they're going to do a pre-nup. Mark said that they will do one. He said he's trying to be a good person and he's going to try not to cheat on her ever again. He said he can't say ''never'' but he's going to try.
Howard gave Mark some more plugs for the TV show and read the very confusing plug. The show is on VH1 daily and it's also syndicated. Howard said it'll be on FOX 5 days a week. Howard asked Gary how much money he ended up winning on that show. Gary said he won $200,000. He said they went for the $350,000 song but no one got it.
Howard said he was thinking back to the Jimmy Kimmel party and how much fun they had there. Mark talked about how John Stamos wanted to play songs that he's not really into and it was tough for him to just jam with him. Mark said Stamos is great though and they jammed together there. Mark said he didn't think they were doing a serious thing there at Kimmel's house though. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Greg Fitzsimmons on the ISDN line. Howard told Greg he's so sorry he wasted his time with the whole foreword thing. He said he's sorry about the transcription of the discussion they had about it and he just doesn't want to do the foreword. He said he would rather just write a blurb. Greg said that they're waiting to print the book right now. Howard said he has to let him off the hook. Greg said that Howard is doing himself a disservice over this whole thing. He said that he's the one who is losing.
Greg said he can write a blurb and he'll throw it in the beginning of the book. Howard said he can write this down and said this... ''Greg Fitzsimmons is a great comedian. He is a great comedian and I don't know him really that well. He's bald, but so what, he's funny.''
Howard said he wasn't sure that was going to work. Greg told Howard this would be great but he's already fucked. Greg said he can't argue with him. Howard said he has to write it then. Greg said he has to write it in 8 weeks. Howard said he doesn't want to do this. Greg just won't let him off the hook. Greg said Howard has kept this thing alive by bitching about doing it. He said he will put $100,000 against Howard's if he can show him an instance... Howard cut him off and said he will just write it now. He said he feels like he fucked Greg over. Greg said he can't tell the printer to just not hold the space.
Howard told Greg that he knows what he wants to say. He told Greg to write down that Howard Stern was too lazy to write this foreword so he's leaving a blank page for someone to write it themselves. Howard said that's lame but he really doesn't know what to write.
Greg said that he never once told Howard he had to do this. He said Howard is the one who has kept this thing alive and he hasn't fought it until now. He said the publisher is holding pages for this foreword so they're expecting something. Greg said the buyers think they're going to have it in there now so he's really screwing him over. Howard said he's been screaming for months that he doesn't want to do it. Greg said he went over the transcript and he said he didn't care about the foreword anymore. Howard asked if they can forget about it or not. Greg said they can't forget about it. He just told Howard that they're waiting for something and the buyers think they're getting Howard's name in there.
Howard said he loves Greg but he doesn't want to do this. Greg said he loves Howard too but he can't let him off the hook with this. He said they're past the point of no return. He said they've marketed the book to people saying that Howard Stern is writing the foreword. Howard said they're bullshitting Greg if the thinks they're holding pages. Howard said he knows what he has to do. He just has to get to work on it. Greg said he gets a ton of hate mail about this too. Robin said he keeps it going. Greg said that Howard keeps it going, not him. Greg said he asked for a foreword once. He said Howard is the one who keeps it going.
Howard said he's going to do it and asked Fred to write it. Howard said Fred actually wrote one but it was kind of mean. Fred said he was doing it in a roast style. He said he figured Greg would like it. He said if it's too mean then tone it down.
Howard said if he was going to write a foreword, he would have written one for Gary. He said that guy has worked for him for 25 years. Howard said Greg could still say to him he doesn't want to pressure him. Greg said the only reason he won't is because his editor is ready to jump out a window. Howard said he'll hopefully get it to him very soon.
Howard and Greg went back and forth on this and Greg said he'd like to let Howard out of this whole thing right now. He knows that his editor isn't going to be happy about it. Howard said he's going to get to writing it and doesn't want to bore the audience with this anymore. Howard said Greg isn't letting go of this and he's not letting him off the hook. Howard said the guy must have some marriage. Howard said it's no wonder the guy is beating people up. Howard said he wants to vomit every time he sits down to write this thing. He said he just can't get out of it though.
Howard said he wants to just knock it out and he can't come up with anything. Howard said he felt weird about the whole thing right from the start. He said his agent doesn't want him writing this thing. He said he's not close to Greg and he doesn't know what to say.
Howard said you'd think the guy would let him off the hook. He said you'd think he'd take the hint. Howard said Greg is good at standing his ground. Robin said he stands there and lets Howard twist. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about what Greg was telling him and how the editor is the problem. Howard said he wants to kill himself over this. Fred said Greg should be a man and let him off the hook.
Howard said he thinks wonderful things about Greg as a comedian. He said he's not sure what to write other than a blurb. Robin said he should just write 5 sentences. Howard said he's going to do that. He said he will say he's a great comedian and a great guest. He said he just wrote it as he was talking about it. Howard said he knows Greg has a big penis, he's funny, he has no idea what the book is about, he washed his son's mouth out with soap and his wife dated Will Arnett. Howard said that's it right there. He told Gary to write that down and send it to Greg.
Howard said he has no history with Greg so he's not sure what to say. He said that Greg just wanted a couple of sentences so that's what he's going to give him. Fred said he could say that it's a great book. Howard hasn't read it yet though so he doesn't know that. Howard said he hasn't read the book and he doesn't want to read it. Howard said he hates books. Greg didn't even give it to him to read because he knows he won't read it.
Fred said he can say that Greg is fearless. Howard said that's not really a foreword though. Fred said it's a statement. Howard said he doesn't know Greg. He said he knows he's funny but that's about it. He said right now he wishes that he had never met him.
Howard asked how they met Greg. Gary said he was represented by Don Buchwald and Don suggested him for the show. Howard said Don was asking him why he was doing this. He said Don told him to just say no to Greg. Howard said they're waiting for a great foreword that's just not going to happen. Robin said Greg wrote a book about compassion and now he's not letting Howard off the hook.
Howard said he's really not joking about this and he really doesn't know what to write. He said he feels like the guy hates him and he's forcing him to write this. Howard said Greg could have let him off the hook but he hasn't done that. Howard said he is a good guy to him and he's just not letting him off the hook. He said he'll write something but he's not sure what. He said he has to go home and figure something out. He has 57 meetings today and now he has to do this.
Robin said Howard's whole summer was haunted by this. Howard said he doesn't know the guy so he's not sure what to write. He said that would be like Robin going out and writing a foreword for some stranger out on the street.
Howard said he invited Greg to come out to his house on Long Island but he was out there working at a comedy club so he had to take away the invitation because he figured he was going to be coming in at 1 in the morning. Howard said he doesn't know him well enough for that. Howard said the guy is a headache but he does love him. Howard said he's been on the show and you'd think he'd just say he appreciates what they've done for him. Howard said he doesn't have time to write this thing. Howard said he's busy putting together their future with meetings. He doesn't have time for this thing.
Howard said he has no idea what Greg has done. He said he has to get the show over with now so he can go home and write. He said at least he knew Jackie and Artie. He said he and Artie hung. He said he and Ratso had a relationship too so he was able to write those forewords. Howard said he was a fan of Abby Hoffman's too so that helped him with the Ratso thing. He said that Ratso foreword was a tough one to write. He said he's honestly freaking out right now. He said it's proving to be harder than he thought and he's seriously bumming out over it.
Robin said she can't believe this is happening. She said Greg was saying that they're past the point of no return now. Howard said they have some kind of deadline now and he's not sure how that's going to work. He said he's not even getting paid for this. Howard said he has a deadline and he's not getting paid. Howard said he hasn't been this angry since the Octomom. He said he doesn't want to write a lame foreword but he can't think of anything to write. Robin said Greg put him in this position. Robin said that they did this because they thought he could sell books. Howard said he doesn't want anyone to read this book now because of the foreword. Howard said he's got to deal with it now. Robin said they all tried to help Greg see the light.
Fred said he actually read the book and it's good. Howard said Fred wrote a foreword but it's too angry. Howard said maybe he'll edit it down and make it less vicious. He said he feels lame sending the guy something where he insults the guy. He doesn't know what Greg thinks he's going to write. He said he's only seen Greg once on stage.
Howard said he doesn't want homework. He doesn't want to write a book. Howard said he's not going to do that because he doesn't want to. Howard said he has to get out of there so they have to move on. (Update: Greg called in toward the end of the show with an update.)
Steve said they also spoke to Vinnie Favale about Gary going on Letterman and he said that Gary should be nervous about doing the show. He said he thinks that he will deliver though.
Steve said that Johnny Fratto has said that there aren't many parts for Eric the Midget but Eric thinks there are. He's said that Eric should take the roll on the web series that they talked about yesterday.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the list of subjects for today's show. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was in L.A. and he was shocked at how many Paparazzi were interested in him. He said they walk around pushing and hitting. He said he was getting aggravated but he had to tell himself not to do anything. He said he just let them take his picture. Howard said his driver was speeding around to get away from them but they just kept up. Howard said he had to tell the guy to slow down.
Howard said this Paparazzi guy is going to press charges and he's going to sue so he can get out of that life. Howard said that's what these guys seem to be doing when they push guys like Mel Gibson hoping he'll hit them. Howard said if you react then you get sued. Howard said some of these guys get really angry and they start pushing too far. He said you wonder when you can fight back.
Robin got to some more news and read a story about Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's rally down in Washington DC that's coming up next month. They're trying to get more people than Glenn Beck did at his rally.
Robin read about how they're putting security systems into the subway system there in New York city.
Robin also read a story about a guy who was arrested for child pornography after he had a fire in his home. Howard said there seems to a lot of that going on out there. Robin said the guy was a wrestling coach so Howard said that seems about right. Howard said it sounds like an orgy for a pedophile.
Robin read that Jackson Browne is banning plastics from his concerts. He's trying to go green. Robin said he's said that he's doing this after reading about the plastic floating around in the oceans. Robin said Jackson Browne is 61 years old. Howard said he thought he was like 70. He said it's weird seeing these people getting old. Gary said he saw him about 2 years ago and he still has that young guy hair cut but his face is all wrinkled. Howard said people think he colors his hair but he doesn't. Howard said maybe Jackson isn't coloring his hair either. That led to them talking about Robert Plant and Jimmy Paige looking old too. Howard said those guys used to be good looking too so it's pretty sad.
Robin read about some events being planned for the anniversary of John Lennon's death. Robin read about some of those plans like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's plans.
Robin read about a play that's being worked on about Cher. Howard said he can't wait to see the Ron Zimmerman years in that.
Robin read about Kanye West being on Saturday Night Live next month. He'll be performing on October 2nd. Howard said he doesn't care that much about him.
Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about last night's Dancing with the Stars premiere. Howard said that they'll probably vote off that Audrina Patridge chick because she's too hot. Howard said women hate good looking women on that show and they'll vote her right out of there.
Robin read about a study that was done about obesity having an effect on your bank account. Robin said they found that it can cost people over $2,600 a year if you're obese.
Robin read a story about Lady Gaga and how she's getting into the Don't Ask Don't Tell debate. Howard said he agrees with her on that but she's all over the gay thing. He said she's trying overly hard. Howard said she's sucking up to the gay community a little too hard. Robin read about Lady Gaga coming up with a suggestion to send home the troops who aren't tolerant of gays in the military. Robin had some audio clips of her talking about this idea of her's.
Gary told Howard they had breaking news that he may not like. Steve Langford came in with the news. Steve said that in Howard's book ''Private Parts'' Howard wrote that he had a composite grade of C from that FCC License course he took. Howard said he didn't remember that. He asked to take a look at the book and said that Steve was right. He didn't remember that they had given a grade. Howard said that article was right. Howard thanked Steve for looking into that. He said he's bummed out about that so they should destroy all of those books now. Howard let Steve go but said ''That fuckin news department...'' as he walked out. Howard said now he's bummed out about that and the Greg Fitzsimmons foreword.
Robin got back to her news and had some more Lady Gaga audio clips to play. Robin had Howard play those clips where Gaga was getting the crowd worked up and chanting ''Go Home, Go Home'' over and over. Howard said she's really annoying. Fred threw in some Mel Gibson audio clips of him telling her to just smile and blow him and get the fuck out.
Robin read that the long recession is over but people are still struggling according to President Obama. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about Bill Clinton holding a summit called the Global Initiative . Robin had some audio of him speaking at that event.
Robin read about the owner of the L.A. Dodgers getting a divorce and the wife is saying that she didn't understand the pre-nup that she signed so she's asking for part of the ownership of the Dodgers. Robin said they're in court over that now. She had some audio clips from some people involved with that case.
Robin read about a George Steinbrenner statue being put in the new Yankee Stadium. She had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin had some news about Michael Jackson's kids being asked to testify in the case against Jackson's doctor. Robin said that the kids are going to be asked about what they saw before Jackson died.
Howard told Greg that he does love him. He said he has a warm feeling about him and there aren't many people he'd almost invite to his house. Howard said he cares about him and he's not even sure why. He said Greg is a great guy and he's proud to be associated with him. Greg said he would like to write that as his foreword. Howard gave him a sentence and said he's proud to be associated with him. Greg said he'll flesh that out with a huge intro and a huge outro. Howard said he should just use that one line on a blank page. Howard said if he just did that then he'd be fine. Howard said he could keep it simple and use those lines. Greg said that he feels twice as good letting Howard off the hook as Howard feels being off the hook. He said he will talk it over with his publisher and see if they can use those lines Howard just gave him. Robin said it's not a foreword. Howard added some lines. Howard told Greg he was serious about those lines. Greg said he'll think about it. Howard said he feels free to write now that he's been freed.
Howard came up with line after line like he was inspired after begin let off the hook. Howard had Greg laughing and it seemed to work for him. Howard asked what he thought of that. Greg said he couldn't ask for more. He said it's now written and this is what they should have done months ago. Howard told Gary to write it all down and then send it to him and he'll send it to Greg. Howard said if Greg doesn't get anything by the end of the day then he's out. Howard thanked him for letting him off the hook. Greg said that his head was in a lot of places with the book. He said he was getting really bummed out thinking that he was damaging their relationship.
Howard said someone must have talked to Greg. Greg just laughed. Howard asked what sane human being talked to him. Greg said it was Howard. He said he thought it was a bit but then he realized it wasn't a bit. Howard said this guy sounds rational He said it must not really be Greg. Howard said he loves this guy. He let him go and asked Robin if that's funny enough for a foreword. Robin said it was funny. Howard told Fred to whip it into shape. He said Greg is a fuckin' genius.
Robin read about an attorney who got into trouble for sexting a woman who was involved with a harassment case. Robin said they've kicked him off the board and they're trying to get him removed from the board.
Robin read about an arrest warrant being released for Lindsay Lohan since she failed her drug test. Robin said they expect her to show up for court on Thursday morning.
Robin read about Sigourney Weaver being in a new sitcom with Jamie Lee Curtis. Robin had some audio of Sigourney talking about Jamie Lee so Howard wanted to take that and turn it into a foreword. Howard was even going to leave in the ''she'' comments. He told Gary to transcribe that for him. Robin had some audio of her talking about Kristen Bell too so Howard told Gary to use some of that too. Then Robin had some of her talking about Betty White. Howard wanted to use that too. He said this is it. This is his foreword for Greg's book. Howard told Gary to send him all of that. Gary said they are getting it all down. Howard told him to get him a transcript. Robin had some audio of Will Arnett too but Howard didn't want to use that. He said he has to use the Sigourney Weaver stuff. Robin said she didn't have anything else to play. Howard said he thinks he has the whole thing now.
Robin had some audio of the host of The Biggest Loser talking about what she does on the show. They went through those quickly with Howard cutting them off after just a few seconds.
Robin said that Eddie Vedder just got married in Hawaii. This is his second marriage. Robin said that Sean Penn was at the wedding. Howard said he can see them getting along because they're so intense. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in asked what happened today. He said he missed the show. Gary said that they had Vinnie being interviewed for the news and saying that he should be nervous about going on Letterman. Vinnie said he knows Gary will do great but he wanted to build up how hard it is. He said that Gary is going to do fine. He said that people are going to think Gary is great. Jon asked if he's going to be the first guest. Vinnie said he's not sure. Gary said he was told he will be second. He said he's going to be on the 25th so he won't get bumped for the World Series.
Vinnie said he likes it when they have guests like Gary on second because they get people to watch longer. Gary said he remembers being in 10th grade watching the day time show that Letterman was on. He said he watched Letterman in college and while he was working for Howard. He said he was a pretty regular watcher of the show.
Jon asked Gary about what it was Howard was saying about Ralph and his ideas for the show. Vinnie said he doesn't need any special ideas for the show.
Jason asked Vinnie who is going to get blamed if Gary bombs. Vinnie said no one will yell at anyone. Vinnie said he thought that he was going to ask who is going to tell Gary he did awful. Gary said he'll know. He said that he may have his wife come along and sit in the audience. He may bring Ross and Jon along too.
Vinnie said he's not sure how much Dave listens to the show anymore. Dave once said that all he thought of when he saw him was ''Want to do Howard's birthday show?'' since he used to ask so often.
Jon let Vinnie go but Jason was wondering why he doesn't know how much Dave listens to the show. He works with Dave but he must talk to him once a year based on what he just heard.
Jon got back to the Doug Goodstein photo session discussion. Jason said he doesn't usually take pictures of guests before they go on the air. Jon asked if he found it odd that Doug was taking pictures after he would take some. Jason said he did find it odd and it was like an insult to him too.
Doug came in and said that it wasn't like that. He said that they have a full photo gallery for each girl and they have to do it while the show is going on. He said he didn't want to inconvenience Jason. Jason said that they make up those photo galleries with pictures he takes and pictures Chris Gagliardi takes. Doug said he can't ask Jason to do more work. That's what it was all about.
Doug said they only need the pictures for the web site and he gets what the whole goof is about. Jason said that Doug is the top guy there at Howard TV so it's just weird that he's ding that.
Mike Gange called in and defended Doug on this. He said hat he has to approve the pictures so he might as well take them at the same time. He said they want to get those pictures up by a certain time so that's why he does that. Jason said he could take those pictures. He said they also have a photographer at Howard TV that could take them too. Gange said that they don't want to pay him overtime though so that's why they don't have him come in early. He said they're trying to make things as easy as possible for everyone there. Jason said he actually appreciates that.
Jon was asking about the locking of the door and how odd that is. Ronnie came in and said that Gange is sounding like Hanzi on the phone now. He said he really has to calm down. Jon asked Ronnie about the whole thing and Ronnie said he has no idea. He said he picks out the bikinis and the shoes and then it's all on Doug. He said Doug was in a big rush to get it all done yesterday. Ronnie asked Doug what's going on with being so pale. Doug said he's not sure, he just has allergies.
Jason said that they might have to set up some kind of section for taking pictures in the green room. They said the lighting in there is awful.
Gary asked Jason about some of the weird things that go on when they do the photo shoots for the girls. They talked about Jason asking a girl to do all kinds of weird stuff and then asked her about her hair conditioner. None of the weird stuff bothered her but the conditioner question did.
Ralph called in and said that the pictures they take are awful and he doesn't understand why they do what they do when they're not even taking good pictures. He said they should get the girl in there a week before and take pictures.
Ralph also told Gary Howard was wrong about what he said about him. He said he thinks Gary is interesting and Dave is the one who has to be the host and help make Gary interesting.
Gary asked what he should wear on Letterman. Ralph said he can hire him to help out. Gary said he's not sure he can afford him.
Ralph said Gary told a story about him yesterday about staying out in Los Angeles to do the red carpet interviews. He said that he wasn't asking for anything back then. Gary said that he didn't say it was a problem, he just thought that it could turn into a problem. He said Ralph didn't do anything wrong. Gary said that it's never easy with Ralph so he decided not to deal with him. Ralph said he never called him back either. Gary said he said he'd get back to him if he was interested. He never said he was going to call him back.
Ralph brought up Gary falling asleep on the show so Gary defended himself on that saying it was just one time. Ralph was saying there were ''videos'' of him. Gary said Ralph hasn't been at a job since he worked at that parking tent. Gary and Ralph talked over each other and argued about that. Gary asked what he does that's so important to the show. They were talking over each other until Gary got his side in. He asked Ralph what his major contributions are to the show. Ralph said he never said he could do everything better than everyone. Gary said he tells people when they do stuff wrong though. Gary said Ralph thinks he can do better than everyone with everything. Ralph said he never said he could do better than everyone.
Ralph said he works for Howard TV and he dresses Howard Stern. That's what he does. He doesn't work for the radio show. Gary was still arguing with him saying that he does argue that he can do everything better than everyone else. Gary said he never has to do any work there though. Ralph said if he sees something that looks like shit, he's going to point it out.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks Gary is a good producer. Ralph said for the Howard Stern show, yes. Jon asked if he could produce any other show. Ralph said he can't say. He said maybe he could. He said Howard wouldn't keep him there if he was a shitty producer. Ralph said Gary is overly sensitive.
Gary said he heard that Ralph was coming at him from all sides on Superfan Roundtable and that made him defensive. Ralph said he heard some things from someone and he isn't going to repeat them. He said he heard that Gary was saying something about him and he was upset by them. Gary said he'd like to know what they were so he can confirm them. Ralph said he knows they're true.
Jon let Ralph go and asked about the photo shoot thing. He asked who else comes down when Miss Howard TV is doing her thing. Doug said Gange comes in. Jason said that they might have someone else, a Program Director, come over. Doug said he doesn't know that person's name. Jason said it's Tim Sabean. He said that he's at every photo shoot. He said that he wasn't there yesterday but he's at almost every other one. Jason said he loves Tim but he does come to those shoots.
Jason said he met Tim for a meeting one day and he told him he was going to the bathroom but he actually went into the control room to look at Miss Howard TV. He said he could have told him the truth about that. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that people are going to buy the book based on Howard talking about it the past 5 months. Gary said that the only people who will buy those books are Sirius Satellite subscribers. Jon said that it may get people to look where they wouldn't usually look for those fans who don't know Greg that well.
Gary said that Howard should have given Greg a flat out ''no'' but he kept it going. He said that Howard almost dropped it today when Greg let him off the hook. then he said he'd do it again. He said that Howard never said that he would never do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary what he thinks about Howard not writing him a foreword. Gary said his true feelings were that they talked about not doing the foreword for the book and he didn't want to bother Howard with it. He said he didn't ask him to write it so Howard didn't turn it down. Howard has mentioned the book on the air so that's helping him out there. He said he's not sure if he would have asked Howard to write it after Greg did. He said he's not sure how Howard would have reacted to him asking before Greg did. He said it may have been a different story.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Howard is totally wrong on this. She said that Howard should have either said no or just done it. She said that he promised Greg that he'd do it and then backed out. He never told Greg that he flat out didn't want to do it. She said that he was bad mouthing Greg and making him look like an asshole when he's really not. She said that it's not Greg's problem that Howard has writer's block.
The caller said Howard should have done it in a different way instead of bashing the guy trying to come up with ideas. Jon said that's what they do on this show though and Howard did say he was sorry for saying yes. He said Howard knocks everyone on the show, not just Greg.
Jon asked what he thought about the advice he gave to JD. Gary said he thought it was actually not so funny and it was more on the mark. He said he was telling JD to stand up for himself and that was an interesting thing for him to do.
Jon said that Will and Howard were talking about the Kimmel party and Howard wondered why it was that big of a deal that he was there. Jon played some of that interview where Will was telling Howard how great he is as an interviewer. Jon and Gary talked about that and how Howard works on people to get information out of people.
Jon moved on to talk about Mark McGrath and how great of a guy he is. Gary said he was telling Mark that they're doing a Celebrity Superfan Roundtable soon and he asked him to be on. Mark said he was fine with being knocked off the show if they found bigger celebrities than him. Gary said the guy is a huge star himself. They talked about some of the stuff that Mark talked about during the interview and how hot his wife is. Gary said he met her and she's stunningly beautiful.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that back in June when Greg was on the show Howard was going on a whole rant about not wanting to write a foreword and Howard said he didn't want to write it. Gary said he'd have to look that up. The caller said it's really frustrating to hear this over and over again.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Ralph is so jealous of Gary's job. She said she thinks that Ralph wants his job. Gary said he thinks that he might want the fun stuff that goes with the job but he may not realize how much work is involved. Jon asked Gary if Ralph could produce the show. Gary said no but he's very good at what he does and he's very creative. Gary said his job isn't that creative, it's just to keep Howard on track for the morning and that's not Ralph's forte.
Jon asked Gary if he's annoyed with the way Ralph critiques him. Gary said that he doesn't sugar coat it and he just gets to the point. He's not that bothered by it. They ran out of time after that so they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about the NY Post and wondering how they're doing business. He can't find a copy of the paper anywhere in the morning. Robin said it's about as thin as a sale magazine when you do find it. Howard said he has to read that stuff in the morning and Ronnie can't find one for him. Howard said they used to have a service that delivered them. He said they had to drop that. Howard said the guy says he can get them there on time after he canceled. He said they were coming on time for a while. Then he had Ronnie going out to get it and he was getting both but now he can't find the NY Post. Howard said he didn't read the NY Post today because of that.
Howard said he was running around angry and bitter again yesterday after the Greg Fitzsimmons thing. He said he finally wrote a five page thing that he cut down to a page and a half. He sent it off to Greg but his computer was breaking and he was freaking out. Beth came in to check his grammar and his computer wasn't working so he was a mess.
Howard said he wrote that thing for Greg and he's not sure why he did it. Howard said he really doesn't know Greg that well. He said the one project he accepted was that one and he's not sure why he did it. Howard said he told Beth that he should have written one for Gary if he was going to write one for anyone. Howard said he has worked with Gary for 26 years. He said she told him to just write him one and hand it to him. Howard said there was no way that was happening.
Howard said he sent the foreword to Gary to send to Greg and he felt really bad about that. He said he rationalized it by saying that he was going to help Gary sell a lot more books than he will with Greg. He said everyone that's a fan will have to read that book no matter what.
Howard said he will never say yes to anyone about a book foreword again. He said he was angry with the psychiatrist because he had to interrupt writing to go to an appointment. Howard said he felt like the guy in the Twilight Zone where he's the only one left on the planet and he wants to read but he breaks his glasses.
Howard said he tried to send out the foreword and he was having computer problems so it sent out the wrong thing. Howard said his agent actually told him to cut the 5 pages down. He said he let him read it first. Howard said his agent was asking how he ended up doing that whole thing. Robin said it's actually his fault because Don is the one who introduced him to Greg.
Howard said he would read the foreword to Robin if she wanted to hear it. Howard said he may not have printed it out. He said that Jeff Probst actually wrote one for Greg but in a Howard Stern voice. Howard said it was kind of nice to sit there and do that. Howard thanked Jeff for doing that.
Howard tried to find the one he sent to Greg but he wasn't able to find it. He accidentally gave out his email address so he had to dump out of that. Gary may have the foreword. Then he said that Gary was running late in a traffic jam. He said that he should have started out earlier to work. He said he should have started at 2 in the morning.
Howard tried to find the email but he wasn't able to get to his email. Howard asked if someone else could go into Gary's account and find it. Howard said if he could get into his email he could see it but he was having a hard time getting to it on his Blackberry. Howard said he had to give up because he just can't operate. Robin said she can do it.
Howard said his Blackberry is fucked up again. He said he has to reboot the thing every day. He asked Jason to try and find that final draft he sent. Howard said he's aggravated that he gave into Greg's demands yesterday. Robin said Greg let him off the hook and he still did it. Howard said it was about time that he wrote the thing. He said he was feeling guilty either way so he had to write it.
Howard said his dog is all fucked up now. She has an ulcer on her eye. She had to wear a contact lens on her eye. Howard said she has a big cone on her neck and now the doctor is saying she may have to keep having operations on her eye. Howard said that Beth is a saint. She was applying 3 types of drops in her eye 3 times a day. Beth is working today for Extra or Access Hollywood. He said she was up at 4 in the morning dealing with the dog and the two cats. He said he isn't good at doing that stuff himself. Howard said he's not good at living life but he's good at telling people how to do that. He said Beth doesn't complain about this stuff at all either. He said she's busy running around trying to figure out how to do everything.
Howard said the dog can't get up the steps because the cone on her neck keeps her from going up. He said he was busy with the foreword and got all upset about that. He said he was running around with the dog and the foreword and then the thing got erased in his computer and he had to rewrite it. He said everything is broken and he doesn't know how to fix any of it.
Howard said he saw some kid won $50,000 for being the fastest texter. He said people who play chess don't win that kind of money.
Howard finally found the foreword and read it to Robin. Howard was talking about how he wanted to fuck his stunning model wife while he was writing the foreword and he was wondering why he was writing it. Howard said he hadn't read the book but he knows that Greg is like sunshine and then he quoted some Sigourney Weaver clips that Robin had played in the news yesterday. Howard explained that in the foreword too. Howard wrote about how much he cares about Greg and how he hopes his book does well.
Howard said he called Greg and told him about sending the foreword and he was very pleased. He said he loved it. Howard said he did say he'd do it so he finally did. He said now he's out of the foreword writing business. Howard said they all go through his agent now. Howard said he's not looking to write books. He said if he writes a book it's going to be his own.
Howard said he's embarrassed by his own behavior. He said he has to be a part of everything and be the hero. He said he really has to learn to say no. He has to pick and choose what he does. He has to be a grown up. Robin said he's going to grow up now. Howard said he's not but he's not going to write anymore forewords.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's upset he wrote that foreword. He said he's so careful about what he puts his name. Howard said he just read the foreword on the air so he doesn't have to go out and buy the book. Howard said Greg is a good guy and very funny. He said he writes for every TV show out there and the book will probably be very good too. Howard said he behaved horribly and he was wrong to do that. Howard said he bored the audience with that babyish behavior. It's not going to happen anymore.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Gary if he feels bad that he didn't write his foreword. Howard said Gary wasn't there but he did show up. Gary came in and said that everything was shut down and he got stuck in traffic. He said he got off in Brooklyn and he wasn't sure where to go. He said he had the guess where to go. Howard said he used to just cry when something like that would happen.
Gary said he wants to answer this question once and for all. He said he is not upset about Howard not writing his foreword. He said he didn't want Howard to write one so he's not upset that he wrote one for Greg.
Gary said the book company wants blurbs and forewords and he doesn't think it helps sell books. Howard said no one buys a book for a blurb. Gary said he thinks that anyone who buys Greg's book for the foreword is buying it because they've heard Howard talking about it for 2 months. King said he doesn't agree with that. He thinks that people buy it when they see Howard's name on things.
King told Gary to wear all black on Letterman. He said he shouldn't wear a jacket but a black shirt with cufflink's and black shoes. Gary said he was goofing around on Twitter last night and everyone was telling him to wear all black. Howard said that's because they think he's fat. King told him not to smile a lot and not lick his teeth. Howard said that's a good point. He said he really should avoid licking his lips.
King asked Gary about what his wife thought when she found out Howard wasn't writing his book foreword. Gary said they never had that conversation. Howard said King annoys him sometimes and hung up on him.
Gary said that Jimmy Kimmel read his book and he wasn't sure whose childhood was more fucked up, his or Robin's. Robin said she's going to have to get into this book now. Howard said he has a lot of favorite parts in that book. He said it's better than Catcher in the Rye.
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Howard said the kids are climbing all over each other like ants. Robin said it's like a human ant farm. He said it's really annoying.
Howard played a clip of Octomom talking about how destitute they are right now. Howard said ''Duh!'' and wondered what her plan was. Octomom said she had about a week's worth of money. She doesn't want the state to help her out either. The interviewer said that the owner of her house is about to start foreclosure proceedings. She said she's only a month behind right now. She's finding a way to pay off the mortgage. Howard said the guy just wants to get the rent for this house. Howard said the guy is caught up in her nightmare. Howard said she refuses to go on welfare but this poor landlord is stuck without money for a few months.
The interviewer asked Octomom what she thinks about other people paying for her kids. Octomom said she will not take government assistance until she is homeless and living under a bridge. The interviewer asked her about a job offer she had from Vivid Entertainment. Nadya said they're asking a woman who has been celibate for 11 years to do a porno. She's not going to do that.
Howard said that was just a little bit of her interview. He said that he got fired when his kid was born and he thought he had a plan. Howard said his wife was pregnant and he was under the gun to do something. Howard said this woman has 14 kids. He said he hates this and this woman drives him nuts.
Howard said that's someone who refuses to grow up. She has 14 kids and she has a need to be taken care of. She's not an independent woman. Robin said there's a doctor out there who helped her get knocked up too.
Wolfie said that he thought they had some practicality. Howard said they don't though. Howard and Wolfie talked about a bunch of super heroes like Plastic Man who looked very odd. Howard said the guys who live under the water look the gayest. He said Iron Man is right up there too. Howard said no super hero should worry about showing their abs.
Wolfie brought up the convention and talked about how those conventions work. They talked about how Jay Thomas goes to some of them because he was in Mork and Mindy. Howard said it's kind of sad when you hear some of the people who show up to the events.
Wolfie said the people have the worst breath too. He said they knock you out with their breath. Howard said he loves monster movies but he's not going to go stand on line for four hours. He said he wouldn't even go see Bella Lagosi if they revived the guy. Wolfie said the people love the attention there.
Wolfie said this event was down in Maryland. Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a visitor to Monster Mania to give him his best blood curdling scream. The guy yelled for like 15 seconds. Then Wolfie asked who he met and the guy said he met Robert Englund and it was awesome. He said it was a lot of fun meeting him. It took him four hours to meet the guy. Howard said that's wild. Howard said his staff does weird shit like that. He said he once waited for hours to meet some of the Dukes of Hazard guys. Gary said he also met Peter North and ignored Jenna Jameson.
Howard played another Wolfie interview with a guy who was in costume. The guy said it was like a $600 costume. He works in a warehouse. Wolfie asked him to do an impression of a possessed person. He did pretty good according to Howard.
Howard played another one where the guy said that Resident Evil is his favorite horror movie. The guy was also saying that Nightmare on Elm Street is the scariest movie. He didn't sound like he was all there. He was asked to yell but he wasn't able to get out a real yell.
Howard played another interview where Wolfie asked a guy what his chances of getting laid was. The guy said they were slim to none. Wolfie asked him to give him his best impression of someone possessed. That guy did a weird one.
Howard said this next guy was his favorite. The guy was asked about the autographs he got from Robert Englund. He paid $30 each for the autographs. Howard said that comedians don't get that kind of money. Wolfie asked the guy what his chances of getting laid were. The guy said he doesn't participate in that kind of stuff. He said he doesn't want to get any women pregnant or get an STD. Wolfie said the least of his concerns should be getting laid. He said that guy was 18 years old too. Wolfie had him do his best possessed impression and a blood curdling scream. He sounded odd doing both of those things.
Howard said Wolfie got an interview with Robert Englund and got Robin a personal message. He did that as Freddy Kruger. It was short and he said he was having a wet dream about Robin.
Howard said he used to be scared of Freddy Kruger but the movies got to the point where they were comical. He said they just gave him too many lines and they stopped being scary.
Howard thanked Wolfie for going down to Monster Mania. Howard let him go and then played a clip of Wendy the Retard doing her Freddy Kruger impression in a Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did. Sal and Richard used clips of Wendy doing her Freddy impression in that.
After playing that Howard had to go to break. He said they have Adam Levine from Maroon 5 coming in to play some stuff for them.
Howard came back and asked who was singing that. Fred said it was Santana and India Arie. Howard said Carlos Santana can't sing his own stuff so he always has to get someone else to sing. Howard said he's a great guitar player though.
Howard said he saw that The Hoff got kicked off Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he kept saying he was an old guy and he wasn't able to do it. He was right. Howard said he thinks he got kicked off of America's Got Talent too. Howard said it has to be humiliating for the Hoff to be the first one kicked off the show.
Howard said Michael Bolton can't dance very well either. Howard said the guy at least accomplished something with his music career. Howard said he'd end up punching the judges on the show if he was that guy. Howard said that Carrie Ann Inaba looks like she's been eating herself into a gunt. He said she should really try to look good since she's on TV.
Howard said he finished watching Boardwalk Empire and he loved it. Howard said he read they renewed it for a second season already too. Howard said he thought it was a limited series but apparently it wasn't. Howard said he thought Steve Buchemi was great in the show too but some reviewer didn't like him. Howard said there were some great characters in the show too. He said they made the FBI guys all douche bags but they're really not.
Howard said he was watching Sean Hannity and he had on that kooky republican chick on. Howard said he's looking at her and she looks like Sarah Palin but she's younger and cuter. Fred said he thinks that Palin may have a better body. Gary said this other chick is kind of chubby. Fred said she was chubby too. Howard said she's kind of hot though. Howard wondered what her story is. They spent a minute on that before moving on to Lisa G.
Howard said that woman would go get a second blow out early in the week and that would carry her through to Friday. Lisa said they have something new called a Brazilian blow out where they put a chemical on your hair and you can blow it out yourself. Howard said he knows about that too. He said this thing is a process you do so you don't have a hard time blowing out your hair. He said it's not good though. Howard said you end up looking retarded. Howard asked Lisa to come in with her hair natural. Lisa said no. Howard said that they say that your natural hair is made for your face so she should give it a try.
Howard said he walks around after doing his own hair. Howard said sometimes he puts it up so people don't notice him. Howard said he's not going to go out to see Robin running because he'll see her for like a second. He said people will start yapping away and he won't end up seeing her. He said that's what happened with Beth. He didn't even see Beth finish the marathon because people were talking to him.
Howard said he loves his hair and it's the one feature he likes. Howard said he went out and bought a hat the other day and he wondered why he did that because that feature is the only good thing he has. Howard said he had some asshole take a picture of him with Beth and his face makes him look like a monster. Howard said that's why bald guys want their hair back. He said that picture is now framed in the house and he hates it. He said he doesn't look handsome in that picture. He had that hat on and his turkey neck is showing. He said something is happening to him and he's turning into a middle earth kind of person. Howard said he doesn't like the way he looks.
Howard said he looks like a monster in a beanie cap. He said most guys look like bad asses in those hats. He said he hates that picture that Beth framed. He said he's really not that exciting and he doesn't know why she had to have that picture framed. Howard said he asked the guy to have mercy on him out there when he was talking to him. He said he wanted to see his wife pass by.
Howard said Robin is on her own for the marathon. He'll just hear about the run on the following Monday. Lisa said she interviewed Robin's running coach and she has knocked a minute off of her running time. Howard said he saw her out with someone out in the park yesterday. Robin said she was alone.
Howard said he smelled someone's food and it smelled very fattening to him. He sniffed around like a dog for a few seconds trying to figure out what it was. Howard asked if it was coming through the vents or from the restaurant down below. Benjy said it was 36 floors below. Howard said with that nose he can smell from 36 miles away.
Robin said she saw Dwight Howard out in the park and he would like to do the show. Howard asked if she's going to go out with him. Robin said she just ran into him out on the street on her way into the park. Fred had some new Robin clips where she talks about licking someone's ass and asking someone to fuck her tight little pussy. He played those a couple of times while they were talking about Dwight.
Howard said he'll put Dwight on if it means romance for Robin. Robin said ''Oh please.'' Howard said maybe Robin and Lisa can double team the guy.
Howard asked the girls if they get angry when they don't get penis for a while. Howard said he thinks Robin does that and this whole running thing is getting rid of that extra energy she has. Howard said she should be doing 26 mils a day. He said she's like a puppy who needs exercise. Robin said she had a horse and he had to get more exercise if he didn't move around enough. Fred said that people have to do that with their border collies. They have to take them to the park and run them around.
Robin said she ran into Chris Rock too. Robin said he was listening to the show and he said he liked when they were talking about the Lady Gaga stuff during the news. That led to Howard talking about Lady Gaga and how she's kissing up to the gays way too much. Howard said she's like 22 years old and she hasn't lived long enough to know anything.
Robin said Donna Summer was the one who made the biggest mistake. He said she came out against being gay and all of her fans abandoned her almost immediately. Howard said Lady Gaga is going overboard talking about how much she loves the gays.
Lisa had a cold and she blamed it on the other guys in the news room. She said that she didn't get it first. Howard asked when Lisa got her hair blown out. Lisa said it was on Saturday and laughed hysterically. She hasn't washed her hair for four days. Lisa said she puts her hair up in a pony tail when she works out. Howard said she has to wash her hair today. He told her to just learn to blow it out herself. Howard said his daughter Debra figured out how to do it herself. Howard said she can do it just as good as any beautician. Howard said if she comes home he'll have her give Lisa a lesson.
Lisa said the blow out cost her $40 and that's on the low end. Howard said they say that you should wash your scalp every day. Lisa said that dries your skin out. Howard said you're supposed to wash your face every day too. Lisa said she can't do that either. She said her skin is very sensitive.
Howard asked Lisa if she's going to blow out her hair herself next time. Lisa said she will but it won't look as good. Howard said her head is going to get smelly and itchy. Lisa said she knows that.
Lisa said that Colin Quinn's one man show, Long Story Short, is moving to Broadway. She said that his opening night is November 9th at the Helen Hayes theater.
Lisa said they spoke to Robert Morton from David Letterman's show and he told them that Gary is in the best hands in the business and Dave will make him look good on the show. He thinks that Gary will be great on the show if he lets them do their job.
Howard said people think that he's being too mean to Gary lately. Howard read some of the email about that. Some people think that he and Robin are being too mean to Gary about the book and how they think no one will read it.
Howard ended up goofing on Gary about the book again and made fun of him being late to work this morning. Fred got in on that too and quoted some of the stuff he said earlier. Howard said he heard that Gary was going to try to be funny on Letterman. He said he should just be Gary and not try to be funny. Howard said he heard rumors that he was going to do something to be funny. Howard told him not to be funny. Howard said he was going to just let him try to be funny and see how he fails.
Gary said he was going to let Dave do a bit with him. Howard asked what that was going to be. Gary didn't have a chance to answer before Fred did his impression of Gary doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. Gary came into the studio and said that Howard 100 News did a story about who would play him in a movie version. He said that he was going to put up pictures of the people that the staff were suggesting play him. Howard said he likes the idea but he can't put pictures up.
Gary said that Mario Cantone, Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite and some other people like that were mentioned. Howard said they could have some pictures and maybe just put up a picture of a monkey. He said they could put up the guy from Hall and Oates to play him too. Howard told Gary to go start preparing for that. Howard said he's already waiting in front of his TV.
Howard played an appearance that Gary made with Bubba the Love Sponge once. Gary came out on stage and yelled into the mic as he was introducing everyone that was going to be coming out. He got booed by the audience. Howard said Gary knows how to take charge on stage.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that it's a horrible idea for Gary to do any shtick or comedy. Howard told Vinnie not to tell Gary that. He wants Gary to do it so they have the tape of Dave's look of disgust to play. Gary said he's going to talk to the segment producer about it and let them decide on what he should do. Vinnie said he was the one who was pitching Gary to do the show. Howard said it would be really funny if Vinnie got fired after the appearance goes horribly wrong.
Gary came in and said he imagines Dave asking who is going to be on and they mention his name. Then Dave wonders why he's booked on the show. Howard does that a lot. He said he wonders why they book people for the show and he forgets about it. Gary said that's what he thinks that Dave is going to do.
Gary said he had some other ideas for stories he could tell on Letterman. He said he had some stories from NBC and things like that. Gary said he knows they'll go over that stuff in the pre-interview and they'll give him the okay or not.
Vinnie was asking questions but there were dogs barking in the background and he was off topic. Howard had to cut him off and move on. Ralph called in and said he thought they were going to keep this a surprise and not talk about it on the air.
Howard said Ralph and Gary went at each other on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Ralph said he felt bad about that so he and Gary had a talk about it after the show. He said he didn't mean to get mean. Howard said he's with both of them privately and Gary comes up to him once in a while and tells him that Ralph gets under his skin. Howard said Ralph does the same with Gary and they're both guilty of disliking each other and not facing it.
Howard said he thinks that Gary is so paranoid about Ralph filling his head with things about him. He said that he and Ralph actually do their Gary voices when they get together. It's just for an hour a week but they do their impressions of Gary as soon as they see each other.
Howard played some audio of Ralph and Gary going at each other on the Wrap Up Show. In the clip the two of them started arguing when Ralph brought up an L.A. trip story that Gary told on Monday's show. Then the two of them got into it and goofed on each other for a couple of minutes. The two of them were talking over one another the whole time.
Here's some of what Howard played from my write up yesterday:
Ralph said Gary told a story about him yesterday about staying out in Los Angeles to do the red carpet interviews. He said that he wasn't asking for anything back then. Gary said that he didn't say it was a problem, he just thought that it could turn into a problem. He said Ralph didn't do anything wrong. Gary said that it's never easy with Ralph so he decided not to deal with him. Ralph said he never called him back either. Gary said he said he'd get back to him if he was interested. He never said he was going to call him back.
Ralph brought up Gary falling asleep on the show so Gary defended himself on that saying it was just one time. Ralph was saying there were ''videos'' of him. Gary said Ralph hasn't been at a job since he worked at that parking tent. Gary and Ralph talked over each other and argued about that. Gary asked what he does that's so important to the show. They were talking over each other until Gary got his side in. He asked Ralph what his major contributions are to the show. Ralph said he never said he could do everything better than everyone. Gary said he tells people when they do stuff wrong though. Gary said Ralph thinks he can do better than everyone with everything. Ralph said he never said he could do better than everyone.
Ralph said he works for Howard TV and he dresses Howard Stern. That's what he does. He doesn't work for the radio show. Gary was still arguing with him saying that he does argue that he can do everything better than everyone else. Gary said he never has to do any work there though. Ralph said if he sees something that looks like shit, he's going to point it out.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks Gary is a good producer. Ralph said for the Howard Stern show, yes. Jon asked if he could produce any other show. Ralph said he can't say. He said maybe he could. He said Howard wouldn't keep him there if he was a shitty producer. Ralph said Gary is overly sensitive.
Gary said he heard that Ralph was coming at him from all sides on Superfan Roundtable and that made him defensive. Ralph said he heard some things from someone and he isn't going to repeat them. He said he heard that Gary was saying something about him and he was upset by them. Gary said he'd like to know what they were so he can confirm them. Ralph said he knows they're true.
Howard said that he should give that sleeping clip of Gary to Letterman. Gary said he was going to give Dave the pitch clip too. He said they might have to show both of them that night.
Howard accidentally hung up on Ralph so he asked him to call back. He said that he wanted to know more about what they were talking about. Here was a moment when Ralph said that he has a mole in the office there. Howard asked Gary who he thinks it is. Gary said he's not sure. He wondered what kind of low life would do that. He said he knows who it is. He said it's not Jason. He said the person should come in there though. That mole was Scott DePace.
Scott DePace came in and said that he was talking to Ralph and he was just talking to him about how they didn't take his call one day and he mentioned what Gary had said about him. He's said it a lot about Ralph. Gary said he called Ralph just to tell him that. Scott said he did not. He said he was just talking to Ralph about stuff and that came up.
Gary said that Scott is a mole but he refused to admit it. Scott said that it was just Gary talking about stuff and he told Ralph about it. Robin said this is just as bad as the sleeping tape. Scott said they're all stupid and that's not what happened. He said that other thing just came up. Howard said Scott is a mole. Scott refused to accept that.
Gary said he's going to tell people about what Scott says to people in the control room. Howard asked what he says about Lisa G. Gary said he laughs at Lisa G. Scott said he was laughing at her about her hair. He said he was mimicking her laughing at herself for not washing her hair since Sunday.
Gary said that he and Ralph had a conversation after the show and they are still friends. Howard said it seems that they hate each other but aren't willing to admit it. Ralph said that Gary does annoy him at times but he doesn't think he's a shitty producer. Gary said that Howard is the real producer of the show but he needs someone to work with him and keep him on track. That's what he does for him. Ralph said that Gary is good for Howard but he's not sure he'd be good with anyone else.
Howard said he'd like to get everything off of their chests. Howard said that Scott has a problem with Gary and he should get that off his chest now. Howard said that there's a picture in Gary's book that Scott claims he took. Scott said that he went back and found the picture and it's definitely his. Gary said he'll pay for it then. Howard said he could kill the whole book and stop the book from coming out if he wanted. Scott said he did say that it was his picture. Gary said he thought he knew where it came from. He said he wants to see proof of that from Scott. Scott said he'll show him the proof.
Scott said he wants an apology from Gary because he still runs away from him when he sees him in the parking garage. Gary said he doesn't wait for him anymore. He said he used to wait for him in the garage but not anymore. Howard said that they're still upset about the whole sleeping video. Howard said that he, Doug and Scott are all guilty with that tape but Scott refuses to accept that. Howard told Scott that he should just accept it.
Gary said he has no desire to be friends with Scott the way he used to. He said that he broke a trust and he's not going to be friends with him like he used to be. Ralph said that Gary deflected from that sleeping thing by getting mad at Scott. Gary said this thing with Scott is real and Ralph would be just as angry as he is if it happened to him.
Gary asked Ralph how he'd feel if he was in that position at the time. Ralph said he would have been pissed. He said that he would never allow a camera in his office like Gary did though. Howard asked Gary why he was so tired that day. Gary said he had eaten a bunch of black and white cookies.
Scott said he wanted an apology or he wouldn't let him have that picture he took from him. Gary told him ''Fuck you'' so Scott said he'd see him in court.
Scott said he spoke to Ralph about the mole thing on the show an told him that he should just say his name and not say he has a mole. He said he doesn't hide behind anything like that.
Scott said that Gary used to walk with them up to work and he would just take over the conversation. He said that he's glad that they don't walk together now.
Howard said the feud has gotten so bad that he was going to have Scott and his wife over when Gary was out visiting out at his Long Island house. He said that he didn't want to have the two of them in the house at the same time. Howard said Gary would have felt like he was breaking his balls. Gary said he would have but he would have been fine with it.
Howard said he loves Scott and he loves Gary. He doesn't want them to feel uncomfortable though. Gary said he's still mad at Scott for the sleeping tape thing but this mole thing has made it worse. Gary said Scott isn't a mole. He's a gossipy person. Scott said he wouldn't put his feet up like Gary did if he was going to sleep during the show. He said Gary put his feet up and got comfortable. Gary said ''Fuck him and his picture'' and said he'll get every book and rip the page out. Howard said that the fans should rip the page out and mail it to Scott.
Ralph said that Howard loves arguing and he lets it go on so they just do it to make him happy. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said they have other people there who argue too. He said he thought Jason and Will were best friends but it turns out they're not. They don't even like each other. Howard said it's a whole thing with those guys. He said that's just the tip of the iceberg though. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that the boys from Maroon 5 were sitting in the studio. James Valentine, PJ Morton and Adam Levine were all in. Howard said that they were just talking about the life of a rock and roll band and what that's like. Adam said that they grew up with Pearl Jam and Nirvana and it wasn't cool to be a solo artist. It's cool to have a whole band. Adam said that the three of them have known each other for a long time. Some of them have known each other since they were 12. He said that he's known James for about 9 years now. Adam said that James had just moved to California when he saw him and he knew that he wanted him as soon as he saw him.
Howard asked about the guitar being something to hide behind. Adam said he loves playing and he still picks it up to play once in a while. Howard asked James if he gets a lot of pussy. James said no but Adam said he was lying and being modest.
Howard said Adam became a big sex symbol. He said James said it gets in the way of the band. Adam said he didn't know he said that. Howard read the quote from James where he said that Adam's sex symbol thing has gotten kind of annoying and he's wondering what it all means if that's all it's about. Adam said that was pretty heavy. He said that was real and he's kind of happy he did that instead of giving some phony answer. He said he's find with it actually.
Howard said Adam does get a lot of pussy. Howard said he brought in a beautiful girl last time he was on. Howard said he's dumped her since then. Adam said that they did break up. He said that was a while ago though. Howard asked if she was good in bed. Adam told him to stop it. He said someone that beautiful can't be bad in bed.
Howard said he knew he was in trouble back then. Adam said that things were crazy back then and he was gone all the time and girls don't like that. Howard said he knew he was in trouble during the interview and said he had a clip to play that showed why he was in trouble. In the clip Howard asked Adam what he liked about this girl. Adam said that she was perfect and her proportions were perfect. Howard said that was wrong. He said that you don't say that to a woman. Howard said he had to teach Adam what to say. Howard said he should have said she was sweet and kind and loving. Adam said he knows that now.
Robin asked if they would still be together if he had said that. Howard said he's not sure about that. Adam also said that interview was a while ago.
Howard asked Adam how he met PJ. Adam said they just started working with him and he needed some help with keyboards and stuff. Howard said it must have been uncomfortable for the other guy in the band. Adam said that Jesse loved it and it was his idea to bring the new guy in. Howard asked what PJ does that Jesse can't do. Adam said they have a lot of keyboard on the new album and they needed some help. Adam said he's like their Billy Preston who helps them out when they need help.
Adam told Howard they made the new album over in Switzerland because that's where Mutt Lange lives and he doesn't leave that country.
Howard said he was reading about how Adam is fucking supermodel Anne Vyalitsyna. She's been in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues a bunch of times. Adam said she's great. He said she's very intelligent and sweet. He said she's perfectly proportioned. One of the guys said that Adam met her when they played a show for Sports Illustrated. The guys said that Adam had planned to go in there and find a wife. Adam found Anne within 10 minutes. Howard asked how long that was going to last. Adam said he doesn't go out doing that kind of stuff all the time. He said he did fly back to New York with her and stayed with her that night but they waited to do anything. Howard said PJ is beating off in the corner hearing this. Adam said they really did wait a little while before they did anything. Howard said he loves it. He thinks it's great that he's getting women like that.
Howard asked if he had to dump someone when he met this girl. Adam said he doesn't usually do that kind of thing but he did have to call it off. He said he knew it was brutal to do that to the girl but he had to do it. Adam said he wishes that Anne was there but she's in Milan right now. Howard said he's flying to Milan tonight. Howard said Adam is like the vagina whisperer.
Howard said that Adam's resume of women is amazing. He had Cameron Diaz on the list. Howard said he saw her out the other day and she looked great. Howard said that Maria Sharapova was on the list but Adam said that's fictitious. He said that he never dated her. He said they played her 18th birthday a long time ago and he just shook her hand. He said he shook her hand, played the show and then left. He said that's all there was to it. Howard read that he had bad mouthed her in bed but Adam said he would never say that stuff in public. He said it's all a lie and it was in some Russian tabloid.
Howard and Adam talked about some of the music that's out today and how they Autotune the crap out of some people. Adam said that the worst part is that those people can't perform live because their voices are so changed. Howard asked Adam if he drinks and smokes pot before shows. Adam said he doesn't do that stuff before shows. He does that stuff when he's on vacation.
Howard had the guys perform their cover of the Al Green song ''Let's Stay Together.'' After the song Howard said he gets filled with envy when he sees them performing. Howard said he's lucky he has a front row seat. Howard said PJ is a great keyboard player and he's great with the singing parts. Howard said he wants to be that guy in a band. Howard said he really likes that. Adam said that James and PJ are both great. Howard said James is great. Adam said that he and James argue about practicing since James likes to and he doesn't.
Howard asked PJ if he took lessons. PJ said he can't read music. He said he just taught himself and he just does it all on his own. Howard said Adam sounded great too. He told James he was great too. Howard said all three of them should be getting pussy.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their new album ''Hands All Over'' and asked what the name means. Adam said that it's the name of a song on the album and it really doesn't mean anything. Howard said he likes that Adam memorized the lyrics to the song. Howard asked if they like American Idol. Adam said he doesn't dislike it but he doesn't care about it. Adam said that when he grew up they loved bands and he never really wanted to be a star. He said he was just in the band and he could sing the best so that's how he got to be the lead singer. It wasn't just about trying to become a star.
Howard asked the guys what they think about Steven Tyler taking the job as a judge on that show. Howard said that's a little odd to him. Adam said maybe he just wants to get off the road and have a little fun with that show. Adam said there's no way Joe Perry is happy about it though. Howard said Steven isn't going to be able to critique people. He said he has to tell them if they can sing and he's not sure Steven will be able to do that.
PJ said Howard should be on the show because people are used to hating him. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people who they liked more, him or Mel Gibson, and people liked Mel Gibson better. Adam said that's crazy.
Howard played a song off the new album as they were going to break. He played ''Out of Goodbyes'' after Adam told Howard about recording the song with Mutt Lange. He talked about working with Mutt Lange and how he helped them structure songs and stuff. He said the guy is amazing. They went to break after playing the song.
Howard came back and talked about how Stone Temple Pilots was out on tour and they've canceled their tour dates. Howard said Scott Weiland had a rant and someone recorded it but the quality of the audio is really bad. Howard said he was ranting a lot and he wasn't being rational accoutring to reports. Robin said that Scott starts to talk and one of the other guys just steps up and interrupts. Howard said that's what they did in that clip too. JD came in and said that Scott said he had started drinking again and he wanted to take some time off to focus on himself so he could do a lot more shows instead of just a few. This was all at the start of the concert.
Brian Phelan came in and said that he heard that Scott Weiland fell off stage at a concert and the track kept playing of him singing so he may not be singing live anymore. Brian said he saw one of their shows and it was only 10 bucks. He said it was almost a sell out but it was only $10 a seat. Howard said he'd watch Brian sing for 10 dollars. Howard said it's a shame if they're not working out anymore.
Howard said he heard that Robin gave out her phone number to the guitar player. Robin said he gave her his email. She didn't give her number. Howard said he heard them talking about tennis during the break and he'd love to see Robin with that guy. Howard asked if she's going to do anything. She said they were just talking about tennis. Howard asked if she'd like to do a photo shoot and send him some pictures. Robin said maybe she'll let Doug Goodstein take some awful pictures. Howard asked if he has a funny email address. Robin said it's not.
Gary said he thinks that Adam was really bothered by the comments the guitar player made in that interview he read. Howard said he thinks that Adam is in charge of the band and maybe he is upset about it.
Howard said he didn't know that Robin got James' email. He said that's good for her. Howard said step 1 is accomplished. Howard asked what Robin is going to talk to him about. Robin said she wasn't sure. Howard said they all have to work on it together and send a group email. He told her she might want to wait a day or two before emailing the guy. Robin said she's not sure when she'll even have time. Howard said he saw her on the keyboard writing already. Robin said she was looking up news stories.
Howard pretended to write a letter to James from Robin. He did his Robin impression while Fred played some typing sound effects. Robin said she's not sure she wants Howard's help after hearing that. Howard was talking about how Robin had dated a guy with big balls (Jim Florentine) and things like that in the phony email. Howard had her talking about how he should have a solo album and ''fuck Adam'' too. Howard said he saw something going on with Robin and James. He said he didn't know it was an email exchange. Howard said he's happy about that. Howard told Robin not to get too anxious and email too soon.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about Gary's Letterman appearance and how he'd do if Letterman asked to play a game of catch. Howard said that Gary is going to talk about what his life is like as the producer of the Howard Stern Show and what it's like dealing with that. Howard said it should be a good segment if Gary just forgets about the pitch and things like that. The caller asked if he could end up on the NY Times Best Seller list. Howard said he's pretty sure it will.
The caller was also saying that JD should have an intern of his own. He said the guy is working crazy hours. Howard said he's not sure JD wants one. If he wanted one he'd get him one. Howard said if he needs one he'll tell him.
Another caller asked if they saw the Shia LaBeouf interview last night where he corrected his pronunciation of epitome. Howard said they played a clip of him the other day and he said the word wrong. The caller said it was the exact same line that he said but this time he said it right.
Gary said that Shia was out on the red carpet and recognized High Pitch Mike and said he wants to come on the show. Howard played an interview that High Pitch Mike got with him and Shia said he recognized his voice. Shia said he's scared of Howard and it would be like samurai suicide if he went on the show. He said he will go on the show eventually but for now he has to stay off. Shia said he's sad that Artie isn't back too.
Howard said he didn't know he was a big fan. Howard said he seems like a nice kid but they had to point out that ''epitome'' mistake.
Howard took a call from a guy who forgot what he was going to ask. He said he thought the argument between Gary and Ralph was great yesterday. He said that Scott was wrong about what he did to Gary though.
Howard read some feedback about the Will Arnett interview yesterday. A bunch of fans enjoyed the interview and wrote in about it. Howard read some Mark McGrath feedback too. there were some negative emails in there. Howard said people thought he sounded coked up. Some people wrote in and said he was a great guest too though.
Howard read some mail about the Zeppelin Sabbath mash up and people thought it was awful. Howard said that some of these mash ups are awful. He said they put so much energy into them and they sound so awful.
Howard said he got some feedback about the Greg Fitzsimmons thing too. He said he doesn't want to bring that up on the air anymore.
Ralph called in and said that the Will Arnett interview was great yesterday. He said that he loved hearing who he was into on the show and things like that. He said that Blades of Glory was a great movie that Will was in.
Captain Janks called in and said he had a new phony phone call to play for him. He said he called a show called Law Journal and asked them who is worse, Howard Stern or Hitler. Janks played the call and he called in as ''Mark Mercer'' (Thanks Janks) from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Then he asked who they thought was worse, Howard Stern or Hitler. The host recognized him as possibly being Captain Janks. Howard said that was worth sitting through. He said he appreciates him spreading his name out there though.
Steve said they also have a story about Greg Fitzsimmons saying he's been unable to sleep with the book foreword nightmare. He said that Greg's book currently ranks in the 170,000 range on Amazon and Gary's book is up at 390.
Steve said that Pittsburgh Pete has been complaining that Howard isn't picking up his calls. Howard said he hasn't seen him on lately. Steve said Pete thinks that he's one of the best callers out there. Howard said he really doesn't discriminate.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard noticed that Gary and Ross were arguing out in the office about his upcoming Letterman appearance. Howard sent Scott out there to mic it. The mic was all static so Howard said that's great. Howard asked Gary why he and Ross can't wait until after the show to argue. Gary said they were talking about a sales thing. Howard said Gary is there to work during the show. Ross apologized to Howard for bringing it up now. Howard told him to wait until Gary has some free time.
Gary said that it's all just manusha. He said they're trying to discuss an ad buy that the Foxwoods Casino is doing and they want him to do a book signing up there. Gary said that he and Ross are on the same page but they're just not communicating. Gary said that they're saying the same thing but not hearing each other. Howard said Gary should be listening to the show so he can come in and help if he has to.
Howard said he'd like to know what they're arguing about. Gary said they're trying to figure out who is responsible for his room at the casino and things like that. They're going over that stuff and trying to figure out the logistics.
Howard said he can't believe they're arguing over that book. He said there shouldn't even be a book. Howard said they're arguing about it during his show now. Howard said he just needs people to work. Howard said Ross is cutting into Gary's nap time too. He said this is when Gary likes to put his feet up and relax.
Jon Hein fished up his Wrap Up Show preview. Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview after that. Steve told Howard what they'll be talking about tonight at 7 on Howard 101. He said that Medicated Pete will drop by tonight to give them an update.
Howard took a call from Luana who put him in her will. Howard said he'd love to get all of her money. She said that it's all his. Luana said she's moving to England in 8 days. Howard asked if she still has her house. She said she doesn't anymore. She'll be living in the city over there. Howard said she's going through all of his money. Howard told her to move somewhere cheap like Mexico. Luana said she's moving over there because she's in love. Howard asked how her health is. She said it's incredible. Howard said maybe she'll get hit by a car. Luana told him to stop it. Howard asked what she's making a year now. Luana said she's doing the London Marathon next year and then the New York Marathon. Howard asked if her net worth has increased. She said it has. Howard asked what it is. She said she's doing good and that's where she'll leave it. Howard told her to ''Live Short and Prosper.''
Luana said she is a costume designer for Vinnie's play and she wants to say goodbye before she leaves. She said that she'd like to stay in contact with him even if he leaves satellite. Howard said she can go through Don Buchwald if she has to. Howard said he's not even sure he's in her will. She said he is. Luana told Howard about meeting this guy over in London last year and she's moving over to live with him. Howard asked what kind of life insurance she has. She said she'll tell him off the air. Howard said he wants to meet with a financial planner. Luana disappeared. Howard said maybe she died. He wasn't sure if she hung up or what. Howard said he'd plan a funeral for her if she wants. He said it would be a simple pine box though. Howard said he hopes that the guy's name is O.J.
Robin got into her news and read about one of the Jersey Shore characters, Jwow, who will be posing for Playboy for $400,000. Howard said he'd like to see that. Robin said she has to be fully nude for that shoot. Howard said if he were a woman he'd rather show his vagina than his titties. He said that if you have small ones then guys are going to goof on you. He said a vagina doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Robin read a story about it being ''Car free'' day and you're supposed to avoid driving a car and take something else more environmentally friendly. Howard said he pictures Ronnie carrying him around on his shoulders or in a Pedicab instead of the limo. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back and said he was thinking about the interview Sacha Baron Cohen did with Andy Rooney where Rooney got really pissed at him and said he wasn't going to do the interview after he said some things wrong. Howard said those interviews were the greatest. Howard said the guy is a genius. He said he's not celebrated enough. He ended up playing the audio of that clip he was talking about. It was from ''Da Ali G Show'' from years ago. Andy Rooney was correcting Ali G on his English and getting upset with the way he was doing the interview. He eventually walked out of the interview.
Howard said that was a great interview and nothing is better... except maybe the Buzz Aldrin interview. Howard said in that one he asks Buzz what it was like walking on the sun. Howard played that one too. Ali G was asking him about walking on the sun and Buzz was saying that you can't walk on the sun because it's too hot. Ali suggested that they do it during the winter when it's not so hot. Buzz said that won't work either. Howard said the interview was unbelievable.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a father who got on a bus and went off on some kids for bullying his daughter who has Cerebral Palsy. Howard said that's cold. Howard said he was bullied but it never occurred to him to bully a CP person. Robin had some audio of the dad's outburst. He said they caught it on a security system on the bus. Howard said that's cool that he did that. The dad said he was going go fuck someone up and told them to point the kids out. Howard said he likes that. Robin said he's been charged with some crimes. He was arrested on a couple of charges. The daughter has been hospitalized from the trauma. Howard said that's fucked up that he can't confront kids who are throwing condoms on his daughter's head. Robin played the audio of the father apologizing for his outburst. Howard said he doesn't blame the guy for having that outburst.
Robin read a story about a teacher who filled in the blanks of a short story with racial slurs. Robin said that the teacher was turned in for using the N-word in class while reading the story.
Robin read some news about the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy and how Bill Clinton is blaming Colin Powell for changing it from what they had agreed to when they signed it into law. She had some other news about the policy and how they want to introduce the changes to the policy slowly and do a study about it. Howard said he doesn't understand that.
Robin read a story about Lawrence Taylor who is in court over the 16 year old prostitute he had in a room. Robin said she's not sure she can even discuss football with Howard at this point. Howard said he's up on it. He said he doesn't watch a lot but he's heard about the games. Robin read a couple of stories about NFL players who were in trouble for various things.
Robin read some news about Mets player Francisco Rodriguez who is scheduled to surrender to police today after ignoring a restraining order.
Robin had some news about the parting of the Red Sea and how they're trying to explain how it happened. Robin said they did a study and said that it could have been strong winds. Howard said they're also doing a study about Santa being able to deliver all of those presents in one night. Howard said there was no such thing. The Red Sea was never parted. Fred said they had to have based it on something. Howard said they didn't have to base it on anything. It could have been completely made up.
Robin read a story about how a massage can cause biological changes. Robin said they say that it can produce cortisol in the body and that is a stress reducing thing. Howard said he's been getting a lot of massages lately.
Robin read a story about a man who pimped out his mentally disabled 21 year old girlfriend. Robin said that the guy advertised his girlfriend in the paper to pimp her out. Howard said he'd be pissed if a mentally challenged person showed up when he asked for a prostitute.
Robin read about this guy Eddie Long who runs a church and how he was sued by a couple of guys who claim they were enticed by gifts to follow their master.
Robin read about a conference going on about how to battle bedbugs. Howard said the answer is DDT. They have to bring it back. Robin said they're talking about how to get rid of the bugs and they say you can freeze or cook them. Howard said they just need DDT. Howard said pesticides are a good thing and they can get rid of these things once and for all. Robin said there is concern that the bugs are becoming resistant to pesticides. She had some audio of an expert talking about that. Robin read about how you can go to BedBugCentral.com to learn more.
Robin read some news about Paris Hilton not being able to get into Japan because of her recent drug bust. They have very strict laws over there about that. Robin said that they kept her in the airport for a couple of days before she decided to come home.
Robin read that Kim Kardashian is not dating Chris Brown. She has denied that on her Twitter account.
Robin read that the new American Idol judges should be announced today. Howard said he's looking forward to that. Robin said if Jennifer Lopez is judging she may be surprised when one of her ex's shows up to try out.
Robin read about how Liza Minelli was on Oprah yesterday. That led to Howard doing his impression of Liza for a minute. Robin said she didn't have any clips. She didn't know that it had aired yesterday until just then. Howard just did his impression for a couple of minutes instead. Howard asked what the fuck happened to Liza. He said he can't imagine what they did to that girl.
Robin read about David Hasselhoff being voted off of Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said that's so humiliating for him. He said that has to be embarrassing to him on some level. Robin had some audio of The Hoff talking about that. He was saying that he was glad his daughters got to see him get that far.
Robin said that Michael McDonald is putting out a Christmas album. She said it's out on video and has 17 songs. Howard said the guy looks like Santa Claus now. Robin had Howard play some of the new album. Robin said he still has a beautiful voice. They ended the show right around 10:55am.
Ross came in and said that he made the mistake of not closing the door. He said that he's a loud talker and it always sounds like an argument. Ross said that it didn't need to be discussed then and they were going to put it off until later but they ended up doing it then.
Gary said that all of this stuff is boring but they do have to talk about some of that stuff during the show. They have to talk to Howard about some of that stuff during the show at times.
Scott DePace came in and said that he thinks Jason was the guy who turned them into Howard today. He said that he seems to be some kind of ''mole.'' Ross said he thinks that Jason is more of a Yenta than a mole.
Scott and Ross ended up arguing about whether or not what Scott did with Ralph and Gary was wrong. Scott said he had called Ralph about something else and ended up telling him about what Gary said about him. He said it's funny and light when he tells him something that Gary has said about him a million times. Gary said it's very girly to tell him something like that. Scott said he was just having a discussion and he didn't think about if it was going to make him feel better or worse. Scott said that they're the girls and babies there, not him.
Gary said he could go behind Scott's back and tell people about stuff he says and does. Scott said that's fine with him. Gary asked if it really was okay. Scott didn't think what he did was that big of a deal.
Jon said he thinks that Gary and Scott think that they both hate each other. He said things seem to be getting worse. Gary said he no longer trusts Scott. He said he likes him less and doesn't trust him anymore.
Scott said the whole issue used to be that he didn't apologize the right way to him. Gary said he was never sincere about the apology. Scott said he did make the deal with Gary but it was Doug who went to Howard with the tape and it was Doug's idea to tape him sleeping. Gary said he made that deal with Scott, not Doug. Scott said he told Doug that.
Scott and Gary went back and forth with that for a few minutes. Scott said that Gary really comes back with mean stuff when he brings up something he doesn't like. Gary said he didn't hate Scott before and he's not sure who put that in his head. Gary said that Scott thinks that he's right all the time and he thinks that anything he says to him is just wrong.
Ross said that Gary brought up the trust thing and that's hat friendships are based on. Gary asked Scott if he would trust him anymore if he pulled that crap on him. Scott said it was something huge and very funny and this was a special case.
Gary said that Scott likes to bait people into arguments. Scott said they're just jokes. Gary said that he's not the confrontational one if Scott is starting it. Scott just wanted to move on.
Jon asked what's going on with the parking garage. Scott said it's odd. He said he and Gary get into the garage around the same time and Gary will walk faster if he sees him coming in. He said that the normal person would wait for the other person. He said Gary will just keep going. Gary said he has no desire to walk with Scott. Scott said he's not going to push him into a car or anything. Gary said he's still mad at Scott. He said he'll talk to him when he gets over that. Scott said maybe he won't talk to him. Gary said that's fine.
Jason came in so Jon asked Ross what he wanted to say to him. Ross said that Jason likes to fill Howard in about everything that goes on back there. Jason said he doesn't do that every day. He said they're always in heated conversations. Gary said they have very passionate sales meetings.
Jon asked Scott if he's sorry for what went on with Gary. Scott said he is sorry. He said he's sorry that Gary doesn't blame Doug. Gary said Doug didn't do anything wrong. He said that Scott was the one who did something wrong. Scott asked what he would have done if he wasn't there that day and Doug did it on his own. Gary said that he would have been fine with it because he wouldn't have known about the deal he and Scott had. Scott said he's sorry that the tape was used and that he had something to do with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that when Gary called Scott a ''bald mole'' it was the funniest thing ever coming out of that disgusting mouth of his. The guy was cracking some jokes so Gary asked if he was drinking. The guy was drinking and said he had been since 8:30 or so. They spent a minute talking to the guy about that before letting him go.
Jon asked Scott about the photo that Gary is using in his book. Scott said he thinks he's going to hold out for some money. Gary said he didn't know it was Scott's photo. They checked with Getty Images and they say it's worth $80 for a book. Gary said he's willing to triple that for Scott. Scott said he's going to hold out for more.
Scott said he took that picture and he owns it. He said that he would have to sign the rights away to it for Gary to use it.
Scott said that he had emailed that picture to Howard and said that he didn't want a penny for it. He said he wanted to prove that it was his picture after Gary said that it definitely wasn't his. Scott said he went back and looked for it in his personal photos. He said that was from Las Vegas, 2002, and there were 3 or 4 pictures from during a commercial break that he took. It was the same look and it was like number 32 and it was definitely his photo.
Jason said that the pictures he takes during the show are the show's pictures. He said that he doesn't own them. Gary said Howard could argue that Scott's pictures are the show's pictures too if he was taking them during the show.
Scott said he thinks there is no making good will at this point. Gary said he should give him a fair market value for the picture. Scott said he'd like $500 for it. Gary said that's fine as long as it gets Scott out of his life. Jason said Artie used about 7000 pictures of his in his book but he didn't see a dime.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to know how Howard found out about the photo shoots that Doug was doing. Jason said Howard was commenting about how bad the pictures looked and he told him he didn't take them. The caller said Jason always seems to get people into trouble and he comes across as a worm. He said he should do something to change himself. Jason said he doesn't care what the guy thinks. Jason said the show would be so much better if no one ratted anyone out. The guy said he's been a fan since 1984 and he's been around since Jason was probably sucking his mama's tittie.
Ralph called in and said that this show is all about ratting other people out. He said that the caller was wrong about going off on Jason for ratting people out. He said they all rat each other out about stuff. Ralph also explained how Scott didn't just call him up to tell him about what Gary said about him. He said it was just an innocuous comment he made to him.
Jason said he thinks that Scott and Ralph got the raw end of the deal out of this whole thing. He said that they work in an environment where anything they say can turn into a big thing. Ralph said he'd like to know about everything people are saying about him there.
Gary said that he was really bumming out about his fight with Ralph. He said he had to call him after the show and talk to him about it. Gary said he loves talking to Ralph about stuff and he's a good guy when he's not busting his balls. Ralph said Gary can definitely annoy him but it's all just joking with him. He has no resentment or anything with Gary.
Jason asked if Gary and Ralph have ever come close to fighting for real. Gary said they did at a movie screening once. Gary said he put his jacket down on a chair and Ralph moved it when he got up to do something. He said that was the angriest they ever got at each other.
Jon let Ralph go and took a call from a guy who said he's a fan of the show and he digs the majority of the guys but they sound like a bunch of bitches when they argue like this. Gary said that is the cornerstone of the show. The caller said he hopes that they end up going somewhere else and they can stop doing this stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason is right about Doug and Scott. He said that Scott is a big rat and a trouble maker. Gary said he thinks that Scott just has his opinion and it's impossible to change it. The caller said Scott is never going to change. He said that makes him think that he's not all there. Most people can change and grow but not Scott. The caller asked if Gary would go on Jay Leno's show to promote his book. Gary said he would and he thinks it would be really uncomfortable. He said he's not sure if he'd be able to go on and not talk about what went on with Howard. Gary said he was there the time that Howard had the lesbians on the show and Jay freaked out. Gary said he thought it was just a funny practical joke abut Jay didn't find it funny at all. Gary said he'd go on the show if they asked him though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of everyone there. He said Gary has to stop with Scott though. He said he has to stop taking it personally because that sleeping tape is funny as hell. The guy said that nothing is sacred in their world there. He was also saying that he'd be more mad at Howard for bombing his book than he should be with Scott.
Gary said he is taking it personally and it really bummed him out that Scott did what he did and embarrassed him. He said that painting him as a lazy worker after all these years is just wrong. He said that no one is done with work when they leave there and they all work really hard. Gary said it really hurt an it made him look bad to people that he could work for in the future. He said he has to take that every time he gets into it with anyone.
Gary said if he sleeps and leaves the door open then he's the asshole. Gary said he really didn't think anyone was going to notice and throw him under the bus. He said he might just trust people a little too much.
Another caller said he works for an enabler who is going to promote any piece of bad behavior. He said they should all know that by now. The guy said he thinks that everyone knows Gary is a good worker and that was just a blip on the radar for Gary. Gary said it might be for him but not for other people. Gary said he'll be on the computer at home for a couple of hours and he's got to do stuff for the show. He said that doesn't show when that sleeping tape is out there. The caller said he understands that. He said that Howard likes to take those little things and make them big.
Gary said one time Sal said ''Gary cheats on his wife'' on the air and he really thought that Howard had said he cheats on his wife. Gary said some people don't hear the whole show and they just hear little things like that and believe they're true. The caller said that most of the people who listen know that stuff isn't true though.
The caller said that Howard is like the ringmaster there. He said that if Jason worked anywhere else he'd get dragged behind a truck for what he does to people. The guy said that you just don't rat people out like that in a real job. He said he'd get his ass beat over that. Gary said that Howard wrote that he has his own little Hitler youth there and he loves that. The caller said he hopes that they stay there so he'll still be listening in January.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why Gary would give up $500 to that asshole Scott. Gary said that way he doesn't owe him anything. Gary said if he sells a million copies then Scott won't be able to ask him for anything because he paid him for the picture.
The caller told Gary he's doing a great job there. He said everyone knows he's doing great work there too. The guy said that Scott is a fuckin asshole for not owning up to not being a man of his word. Jon said he has his opinion and it's his way or the highway. The caller said Scott is just horrible. He said Gary shouldn't give up that money though. Gary said he'd think about it.
Jon brought up the Maroon 5 interview and some of the stuff that they were talking about. They talked about the guitar player and how he had said some stuff in an article about Adam that he may not have liked too much. Jon brought up how Robin had gotten an email address from one of the guys too. They spent a minute on that.
Jon said that Howard was really impressed by the keyboard player as well. That's the kind of thing Howard would like to be able to do. Jon said they did great with the Al Green song too. They talked about that for a short time. Jon asked why they recorded in Switzerland. Gary said that they had to go work with Mutt Lange.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jason really thinks that Ohio isn't in the Eastern time zone. He had mentioned something about that with a caller earlier saying that it was earlier in Ohio than there in New York. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he got up early around 3 in the morning. He wanted to see Liza Minelli on Oprah but he got caught up with Jon Stewart on Oprah instead. Robin said she meant to get up and Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman. Howard said he got aggravated he was up so early. Howard said Joaquin is saying that the weird behavior the last time he was on was just a bit. Howard said Letterman told him that he put his show into the movie he did and he didn't ask for permission. Now Dave wants a million dollars for that. Howard said in a way he's right. Howard said you can't just pull a show clip and put it in a movie like that. It wasn't a documentary so they don't have the right to do that.
Howard said if you tell the guy you didn't get permission to do it and it was just a goof then you can't just take it. Howard said if they start allowing that all of a sudden then it's wrong. Robin said there is some murky ground in that whole thing.
Howard said hearing Gary and Scott DePace arguing about whose pictures are whose on the Wrap Up Show annoyed him. He said that the pictures that Scott takes are not his. He said he owns anything that they take during the show. Howard told Scott that he doesn't let anyone just take pictures. Scott said it was a live show. Howard said if he caught him trying to sell those pictures 10 years from now he'd go after him. He said Jason knows that he owns the pictures he takes. He has him take them for him. Scott said that's Howard's camera though. Howard said he's not going to let Scott sit there and take pictures. He said Scott works for him and he's not letting him take pictures. He said he owns those pictures.
Scott said he never wanted a damn cent for that picture. Howard said he's just telling everyone there that they don't own those pictures. He said if you work for him and take pictures while you're working on the show then he owns them. He said he'll go to court over that stuff.
Howard said if he were David Letterman he would go after that Joaquin Phoenix movie. Gary gave Howard a note saying that they did know that the Phoenix interview was a hoax. Gary said they say that Dave was in on everything. Howard said he didn't know that.
JD said he heard that Dave may have had a hint about the hoax at the end of the last appearance when Joaquin took his glasses off to thank Dave.
Howard said that anyone who doesn't like his policy there can get the fuck out of there. He said he owns those pictures that they take while doing work for him. Howard said that it doesn't matter whose camera it is. Fred said he told those guys that those pictures were probably owned by Howard. Howard said he's right. He said he doesn't give permission to take any pictures of him so he owns anything they take.
Howard said if he lets a listener in and they're doing a live show, that's a different situation. Fred said it sounds like Scott was trying to finagle something. Scott said he really wasn't. He said he was going to turn down the money Gary was going to give him. Howard said he doesn't own the picture so of course he's not going to take any money. Scott said Gary can have the picture. Howard said of course he can. He owns it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's about time he put Scott the worm into his place. Scott said that he emailed Howard about the picture. Howard said he knows he did. He said he's just warning everyone about this photograph thing. He said he wants everyone to know he owns any photos taken while they're working for him.
Howard said he takes all of the pictures and archives them. He said they do the same thing at the White House when they hire a photographer to work for them.
Howard asked Robin if she emailed that guy last night. Robin said she did not because she was so busy. Howard said he was worried about that.
Howard asked Robin if she's going to be running today. She said she will be running 6 miles. Robin said she had just recovered from her 18 mile run the other day and it's really tough. Howard said that's why he's worried about her. Robin said people tell her she has so much energy but she didn't after that 18 miles.
Robin said she worked so hard last Thursday. She said she'd be getting rest if she was on an airplane flying somewhere. Howard said she's pretty amazing with all of the energy she has. Howard said she has a tremendous constitution.
Howard said he was watching the most recent Howard TV special about Ronnie. He said that Robin is making him look bad. He said he looked worn out and Robin looks so young. He said she's making him look bad. He may have to get rid of her too.
Howard said he had someone ask him if he was 62. He's only 56 and he thinks he looks 40. Howard said they must have been jealous of how he looks. He said it was Brad Grey who said that to him. Howard said when he talks about retiring they think he's an old guy. Howard said he doesn't care though.
Howard said Robin looked very young on the Ronnie special. He said they had Ronnie running around giving his definitions to the strippers. Howard said you have to understand that he never envisioned a day when Ronnie would be representing him in any way. Howard said 15-20 years ago he was just his limo driver. Howard said he never thought he'd be getting personal appearances. Robin said he has his own niche.
Howard said he was waling out in the hall yesterday and a young, attractive lady said hello and Ronnie said ''Hello smiles.'' Howard said he had a nickname for her. Howard said he might have to lecture him about that. He said he's not sure what to do about that stuff. Howard said he has to talk to him about the arguing with people in the halls and stuff like that. Now he may have to lecture him about giving nicknames to the interns. He said she's like 18 and he's like her grandfather. He said if he was that girl he'd be creeped out.
Howard said Ronnie thinks he's being charming but it's not. He said that he's giving them ratings and nicknames and it's just not right. Howard said one year Ronnie invited interns to his block party and they were all girls. He said he didn't invite the guys.
Ronnie came in and said that Robin thinks that she can do anything she wants there. Ronnie said he's not doing anything wrong. He argued with Howard about that. He told Howard that ''Smiles'' (Katie) was there and he should bring her in there. Howard told him not to call her ''smiles.'' He said it's creepy. Ronnie said he's not doing anything wrong. Howard said he's like Grandpappy there and he's calling girls ''Smiles.''
Katie ''Smiles'' came in so Howard said hello to her. He told her to explain to Ronnie how creepy it was. Ronnie told her to tell Howard that she's not creeped out by it. Howard asked how old she is. Katie is 20. Ronnie said Howard is just angry that he was called old so he's taking it out on him.
Howard said Ronnie goes to Rick's Cabaret and he gets spoiled by the girls there. Ronnie said he doesn't care about that shit. Howard said a young girl working there is a human being and a kid. He said she has parents. Ronnie asked if he's nice to her. She said he is nice. Howard said she doesn't need a nickname though. Katie said he hasn't done anything wrong. Robin said if she was in an office and some executive called her that then it would be a problem. Katie said she would prefer to be called Katie. Howard asked Ronnie if he heard that. Ronnie said Howard is just in a bad mood today.
Howard said Ronnie is acting inappropriately. He said he shouldn't talk to the interns. Ronnie said they all hate him so he doesn't talk to them. Howard asked how long it took to give her the nickname. Katie said it was about 2 weeks in. Howard asked if it took her by surprise. She said that she was just being nice to everyone and he started saying she was all smiley.
Fred did his impression of Ronnie and told her that he was going to call her ''thief'' because she had stolen his heart. Howard asked if anyone else has a nickname for her. She said it's just Ronnie. Ronnie said the interns hit on her. Howard said that's fine, they're interns. Howard said Ronnie works for him.
Howard asked Katie how old her grandfather is. She said that he's in his 70s. Howard asked if he calls her smiley. She said he doesn't. Howard said that's just not right. Ronnie said he was leaving, he's not going to take this bullshit. Howard said he's trying to teach Ronnie something. Ronnie said he doesn't want to hear it. It's a reoccurring thing with him. Howard said she's Kate and she just wants to work. He said that guys hit on her all the time and Ronnie should be one that doesn't hit on her.
Howard asked Katie if she was attracted to Ronnie in a sexual way. She said she's not. Ronnie told him that he's out of his mind. He said that Howard should go back to his therapy 4 days a week.
Howard said that after a lot of years of therapy he can say that this girl doesn't want a nickname from him. Howard said that he cringes when he hears that. He said he has to remind Ronnie about this over and over again. Ronnie said he does not.
Ronnie told Howard that he didn't just invite the girls to his block party either. He said he did invite guys. Gary said that Jason said that was after Howard told him he should.
Ronnie asked Katie if he did anything wrong with her. She said he didn't. Ronnie said that Scott's intern wants to ask her out and he's 28 years old. Howard said that's appropriate. He's an intern. Ronnie said he's not asking to date her. He asked her if he had asked her out or anything. Katie said he didn't.
Howard said he was walking out with Ronnie and this girl opened the door for him. He said that he just said thank you to her and Ronnie called her ''smiles.'' Howard said Ronnie means no harm but he shouldn't be doing this. Howard said Ronnie has been defanged there. Howard asked what college she goes to. Katie said she goes to William Patterson. Howard asked if her friends would like to meet Ronnie. She said maybe they would. Howard said she can bring Ronnie to the dorms. Howard asked if her parents heard about the nickname. She said she did tell them and they thought it was funny.
Howard said it was nice meeting Katie and told her they'll stop the nickname thing. He let her go and said that most guys gave him the nickname ''You suck'' or ''Dick'' when he was working at other stations. Howard said Ronnie is a pisser. He said you try to explain something to him and he argues that he didn't do anything wrong.
Howard played a bit that the guys put together using Ronnie clips edited into a ''To Catch a Predator'' segment. Then he played a phony phone call where they used Ronnie clips to talk to some older sounding woman who was being asked to get topless.
Howard said that was Ronnie. He said he tries to keep tabs on what he's up to. It's endlessly fascinating. Howard said he could do a whole documentary on his life. Robin said he never seems to know how to act in an office.
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Howard asked Pete if he knows what a blow job is. Pete said it's something in a girl's mouth. He said he didn't kiss her after that either. He said he fucked her though. Howard asked if he said he forced her or fucked her. Pete was kind of hard to understand.
Howard asked if Pete can bring this girl in there. Pete said he might be able to. Howard asked if he would call an attractive intern ''Smiles.'' Pete said he would. Howard let him go after that. Howard played a clip of Asian Pete singing some Christmas tunes. Howard said Pete is a good dude.
The caller said that those balls hurt too. They're not that soft. The guy said that only Yuppies play racquetball. He said they used to shoot those balls out of potato guns and didn't play the game. Howard said that was CWB on the phone. Howard said it sounds like a Jackass kind of stunt thing they were doing down there.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there on the line so he had to hang up. Howard took a call from Wheels who asked about Ashton Kutcher and that Brittany Jones claiming that they had an affair. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard said he spent some time with Ashton and Demi and they seemed fine. Howard said maybe they have some kind of arrangement, he doesn't know.
Howard said he read the whole article and it sounds like Ashton may have brought the chick to their house but he doesn't know what's going on in their marriage. Howard said Ashton should come on and tell him. He said that would be a good show.
Howard said he's met Ashton and Demi a couple of times and they had a good time together. Howard said they were lovely people and they were nice to him and his friends. They bought him an iPad. Robin said they claim this isn't the first time he's cheated on her. Howard said he's not sure if that's real or not.
Wheels asked what the name of his new cat is. Howard said it's Walter. He said the cat was abandoned by his owner at the North Shore Animal League. Howard said the cat is a great cat though. He said he loves him. He said he sits on his lap when he plays chess.
Howard said Beth had to sleep with the dog again last night so he didn't get to be with her. Howard said the dog has eye problems and they have a cone on her head. She can't go up the stairs. Howard said he can't sleep with his wife now because of this.
Howard said Bianca has the cone on and she knocks herself out. Robin asked what happens if they bring the dog upstairs. Howard said the dog is uncomfortable and Beth is trying to take care of her so she doesn't wake him up. Howard said the dog is like 8 and a half now and that's pretty old for a Bulldog. Wheels told him to just get a dog that's not so high maintenance. Howard said he's not getting another dog after this. He said they're sick all the time and they're hard to take care of.
Wheels asked Howard if he'd like to run with a dog. Howard said he doesn't want another dog. He's done after Bianca.
Howard said his house is like a zoo. He said it's like an animal hospital. Howard said Beth has to give the dog shots. They had to give her shots once a week and the dog was starting to freak out. He said they don't really teach you how to do it so they have a person come in to give the shot now. He said that hasn't been going very well either.
Howard said Beth has to give the dog 3 eye drops 3 times a day. He said the dog is miserable and she has to wear a contact lens. Howard said the dog still has a good life and they're not going to put her down. Howard said Robin may have to come over and help them out with that if they have to put her down. Howard said that would be impossible for them to do.
Robin said she had to hold two cats while they were put to sleep and it was awful. Howard said he'll just run over the dog and make it look like an accident. He said he'll actually keep that dog alive any way he can. He said Beth would be moping around the house if they had to put her down. Howard said it's going to be worse for her than it was when she was photographed in flats. Howard said he knew she was going to be upset about that and she was. Howard said she had taken her heels off and they caught her in the flats. He said she still looked cute.
Howard said Beth looked hot last night. He said some guy was hitting on her saying he was divorced and he told her he was looking for a woman like her. Howard said he was like ''Oh great...'' He said she looked really good but he wasn't even able to sleep with her.
Howard said he didn't shower all day though because of the dog. He said the dog walker came to walk her and he let her go. He ran up to the shower to take a shower but he didn't have the time to take a full shower. He said he just washed his balls and asshole. He said he ended up wetting down his t-shirt. He said he made a mess. Howard said he dried himself off and almost fell down doing that.
Howard said he felt like Lisa G not washing his hair. He said it's crazy over at his place right now. He said they're all set up to take care of sick animals. Howard wondered how he got himself into that. Robin said he married an animal lover.
Robin asked what he's going to do when he retires and starts a farm. Howard said he's decided not to do that. He said he won't be running a farm.
Howard said Bulldogs are a full time thing. He said they're a lot of work. Howard said he had to take a break. He said they have Little Lupe coming in today but without Dave Lampert. Fred played a bunch of Lupe audio clips as they were going to break.
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Howard came back an talked about having Bruce Hornsby on the show one time. Howard said that he loves it when the guys from Maroon 5 come in and do a song but then they get negative feedback from the fans saying that they could nap during that segment. Howard said they get weird feedback like that for many guests. He said it was like that with Mark McGrath. He said some people want him on every day and others wanted him off the show.
Howard read some email about Gary's book and the way he's been treating Gary. He said that some people think he's mean to Gary. Howard said someone wants him to go off the air so Gary has to go out and find another job. He said some people either love it or hate it on everything.
Howard had some feedback about Ralph and Scott DePace too and that was split 50/50 too. Howard said some people think that they're all ruining the Wrap Up Show but he found it fascinating.
Howard read some email about the Maroon 5 interview. Some people loved it and some people said it sucked. Howard said it was very confusing. He said it's completely different ideas of what they should be doing on the show. That's why he has to go with what he likes.
Howard played some of Maroon 5's performance from yesterday's show. He said that was a beautiful song they sang. Howard said a song like that can go horribly wrong but they did a great job with it.
Howard said someone called in and said that they didn't like Richard and his band. He said that he got some feedback about that too. The writer said that's metal and it's not made for pussies like the guy who called in yesterday.
Howard said it's hard to tell what the people want so he's just going to keep doing what he's doing. Howard said they got a song from this guy Jose who did a Baba Booey song parody. It was a parody of a Metallica song.
Howard said Lupe looks hot today. He said she looks very young but she's older than they think. He asked her what's going on with this Dave Lampert. Lupe didn't know and she thinks that it's not true. Howard said that Dave was busting her balls about coming in and riding this thing. Lupe said maybe he doesn't have balls. She whispered that to Howard for some reason.
Howard asked Lupe what she runs in and if she wears panties. She said she hates panties but she was wearing them today. She said she hates them but she had to wear them there today. Lupe said she has guys who chase after her when she runs. She said she runs with a friend who is blonde and she wears crazy clothes to run. Lupe said she'd like to wear that too.
Howard asked Lupe if she'd like to turn off her sex appeal. She said she doesn't want to do that. She wants guys to notice her. Howard asked if she ever lets men run after her, catch her, and fuck her. She said she has done that.
Lupe said she was out running with a guy and she was running really fast and he was behind her. Some Mexican guys thought he was chasing her so they yelled at him to stop chasing her. Then they just fucked. Howard asked if they did that in front of the Mexicans. She said she didn't but she did fuck outdoors. She said she likes that but then you start itching. Howard said you get bumps on your ass. She said that's what happens. She said they fucked in someone's yard.
Howard took a call from a woman claiming to be Little Lupe who was saying that this was a fake Lupe. Howard asked her a few questions and the Lupe on the phone said she likes to do gang bangs. Lupe in the studio said she doesn't do that. Lupe said that this woman on the phone didn't sound like her. She said this was gross. They had dueling Lupe's on the phone for a couple of minutes. Lupe on the phone was Rachel, the woman who entered the staff impression contest.
Howard was asking questions of the Lupe on the phone and the one in the studio. Phone Lupe said she looks even younger than Studio Lupe. Howard had Phone Lupe saying some of Lupe's catch phrases and talking about her pussy being like a ''Ma-chine'' and things like that.
Howard told Lupe who this woman on the phone was. Howard said she's pretty amazing. Lupe sounded impressed and said she was incredible. Howard had her doing some of Lupe's lines for her. Howard said Rachel will be coming in soon for the contest. Howard played Rachel's entry into the contest for Lupe. Lupe said it sounds like her. Lupe said she loves it but hates it too.
Howard said it's amazing that no one has made a reality show out of her life yet. Howard said Howard TV should get on that. He said he'd love a Lupe reality show.
Howard asked what Lupe likes more, cock or pussy. Lupe said she loves pussy more than cock. Howard asked what she does all day long. She said she has many things going on right now. She said that she's getting more popular and she's got some new stuff coming out so she's shooting all the tine. Lupe said she spends a lot of time banging girls.
Howard asked Lupe who she's working with. Lupe said she's doing a lot of sucking and fucking and more suck. Howard asked if she gets stuck with girls who aren't good looking. She said she does and some of the girls smell bad. She made a gagging sound when she was talking about that. Lupe said some of the girls stink and she can't work with them so she says she's sick.
Howard said Lupe probably cleans up for her shoot. She said she does and it's like an obsession for her. Howard asked what happens when she gets down there. Lupe said she won't say anything most of the time. Howard asked what she says. Lupe said she just says she can't do it. She said she'll tell the other woman to suck her pussy instead.
Howard said Lupe is being sued over the name Little Lupe. Lupe said she's being sued for a million dollars. She said that it's the guy who had her old web site. He's suing her for the trademark because he filed it a month ago. Lupe said her web site is doing really well right now and the guy is an asshole. Lupe said everyone wants her pussy.
Lupe said that she worked with this guy like 3 years ago and he doesn't have any content anymore. She said that all of his members are coming to her new web site now and now he's suing her so she can't make money. Lupe said she had a contract with him but that was finished a long time ago. She said she came up with the name and that's her stage name. She said she owns that name. Lupe said she was called Little Lupe since she was a kid because her real name is so hard to say. Lupe didn't want to say what it was.
Lupe said this guy is an asshole and a bad person. Howard said maybe the guy has his own point of view and maybe he helped her build up her web site. Lupe said all he does is exploit the girls and make them look like children. She said that he tells you that you have to wear the clothes he gets from children's stores.
Howard said maybe they'll work things out. He said it's probably going to cost her a lot of money. Lupe said she has so many lawyers and so many bills. She said she's not a millionaire either.
Howard asked Lupe if she came up with the name Lupe. She said her mother came up with that because her real name is so hard to say. Howard asked what that name was. Lupe said she didn't want to say. She told Howard it was Pussy.
Howard said he thought Lupe liked dressing up as a little girl. Lupe said she likes to be herself. She said this is how she looks and she can't change that. She said she doesn't want to look like a 12 year old.
Howard said he read that she worked with a really fat girl recently. Lupe said she didn't do that. She said that she is a friend of her boyfriend and her's. Lupe said sometimes they fuck hot girls, very hot girls, and this girl is really nice but she's fat. Lupe said she's fat and she has small tits. Lupe said she never goes for the personality either. Lupe said she doesn't want to marry her or anything but she wants hot girls. She said that they did this girl though and they had sex. She said she likes to lick vagina. She said this girl was so fat though. Lupe said she's not really that fat, she's just a little fat.
Lupe said she likes licking pussy. She said she's not even sure why. Lupe said she was with this girl more than one time too. Howard said that means she's a real lesbian. Lupe said she's not. She's not falling in love with this girl or anything.
Howard said he thinks that she's a lesbian. Lupe said that lesbians are usually ugly. She said that they're not all ugly but most are. Lupe said she has sex with bi-sexuals. She said she's still seeing this fat girl. She said she's not falling in love though. She said she doesn't fall in love with girls. She just fucks them.
Howard asked Lupe about having sex in an elevator recently. She said that they did that with a bunch of girls. She said they were in Los Angeles in an agency building. Howard asked why they would do that in a building where they do business.
Lupe said they were all going to the same place and they all met there. She said it was for business and there are many girls there all the time. Howard asked if there are other businesses there. She said there are. Howard asked if they stopped the elevator. Lupe said she forgot to stop it. She said that Evan's penis was in her and some people saw them in there. Howard asked what they do then. She said they just ran.
Howard said he should have a reality show with her. Robin asked what she dos when she gets up in the morning. She said she feeds her dogs. Howard said he would love to see that on a show. Lupe said she drinks some tea and then works out. Then she has sex. Howard said he doesn't think she has as much sex as she says. She said she does.
Howard asked Lupe who her dream girl is. Lupe said Adriana Lima is her dream girl. Howard thought it was Jessica Alba but Lupe said she's not.
Howard took a call from John the Stutterer who said he would like to take his fingers and put them in her beautiful vagina and butthole. It turns out it was Chad from the Staff Impression contest doing his John impression. Lupe had no idea what he was doing. Chad also did a George Takei impression. Howard thanked him for calling so Chad did some more of his John impression before Howard moved on.
Howard said Lupe was supposed to be riding the Sybian today but Dave Lampert broke his hip riding a horse. Lupe said she thought he was riding whores. She didn't know it was a horse. She said people who are 80 years old go to hookers so that's why she thought that.
Howard asked Lupe what she does if she isn't attracted to a guy on the set of a porn. She said she'll say she's sick.
Howard gave Lupe some plugs for her Fleshlight pussy, ass and mouth. Lupe said they took a mould of her pussy and guys can put their dicks in it. Howard checked out the one she brought with her and put his finger in it. She said it was new. Howard put his finger in there and there was something inside of it. Lupe said that when you buy the Fleshlight it has something hard in it that you have to take out. She said they all come with that when they're new.
Lupe said that someone told her that they came in 8 seconds using that thing. Howard wanted to see if it really looked like her pussy. He told her to hold it up next to her real pussy. Lupe asked if he really wanted her to do that. Howard said on second though he doesn't want to see that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Lupe if she's been with a black man. Lupe said she hasn't been but she isn't racist. Another caller asked if she's ticklish. She said she is so the guy said she should get in the tickle chair and have Howard tickle her. She said she would pee herself. Howard said that's what they want.
Lupe didn't want to do that. She saw the tickle chair and saw Richie Wilson bringing it out. She asked if that was Tera Patrick. Howard said that was actually Richie Wilson.
Howard had the guys put her in the tickle chair. They locked her into the chair but she's so small that the straps they use to hold her arms and legs down may not hold her in there. She got right out because her hands are so small. Howard told Gary to do the tickling. Gary tickled her and Lupe was asking what he was doing. She said he tickles so bad. Then she started laughing hysterically. Gary was asking if he tickles bad now. Lupe said no. She was barely able to get that out.
Howard said Little Lupe is the greatest. Howard asked if she felt like she was going to pee. She said she wasn't going to.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to do the reality show. Richie said they are talking about it. He said hopefully in the future they can do that.
Howard asked Lupe if she's ever sad. Lupe said there are things that can make her sad. She said that the lawsuit is one of them. Howard asked Lupe if she ever reads the newspaper. She said she used to when she was younger but not anymore. She said there is too much bad energy in the paper. She said she doesn't want to read that stuff. Lupe just wants to party and feel good.
Lupe said she doesn't read books. She said she likes picture books but not books with words. Lupe said she likes some comics but not books. Lupe said she doesn't understand people that read. She said books are for ugly people.
Lupe said she has a new Fleshlight out that's the shape of her mouth. Howard asked if she thinks that guys feel bad when they're fucking these things. Lupe said she sees guys online using them while they watch her. Howard asked what she does online. Lupe said she dances around and she does stuff for her fans.
Howard wanted to see Lupe dance. Fred played some music for Lupe. She said that people think that she dances good. Howard gave her some plugs and said you can find out more about her at ILoveLupe.com and RockStarPornStar.com. She's also in a new movie that's going to be mainstream but it was called ''Super Poosey.'' Howard said that's not main stream if it's got a name like that.
Lupe said she was asked to do a movie with Robert Rodriguez but she had to turn him down. She said he wanted her to sign with his company but she didn't want that. Lupe said they went to see ''Machete'' with Robert. She brought Evan with her though.
Howard took a call from Pedro who spoke to her in Spanish. They spent a minute talking and Pedro was saying he would like to put his penis in her ass. Howard asked if he learned his pick up lines from Ronnie. Pedro said that's where he got it from. Howard let Pedro go and said that Lupe has a lot of fans out there.
Howard had the guys bring in Lupe's fiancee Evan Seinfeld. Evan came in and Howard said he looks like he lost a lot of weight. Evan said that's from chasing Lupe around. Evan had a tattoo on his face so Howard asked about that. Evan said he had to cover up his ex-wife's name. He was married to Tera Patrick. Evan said that their relationship was more business than love for a long time. She actually told him that he had to quit porn or she'd leave him. Evan said that she dumped him basically.
Howard said that Evan and Lupe are engaged. They're going to be getting married in a couple of months. Evan told Howard how they met. He said he got a message from Lupe on Myspace and she told him who she was and how she did this web site. She said she wanted to come to America and become the next sex symbol and wanted him to be her manager. Evan said he gets mail like this all the time and a lot of the time it's just nonsense. He said he looked her up and found out that she was more popular than most other porn stars. He said he looked her up and found that she was really high up on the Alexa rankings. He said that means she's really popular. Evan said he knew she'd be a gold mine but he didn't think that she'd show up. He said she showed up unannounced one day and she was barely able to speak English. He said Tera was on the phone screaming about something and how he should be with her and not at work. He said he muted Tera and just let her yell on the phone. Evan said Lupe was there and he realized it was time to move on.
Evan said Lupe had this perpetual smile on her face. Lupe said that young pussy is like the fountain of youth. Howard asked if that still turns him on. Evan said that they have so much sex. He said she has an ass that looks like fake tits. Howard checked out her bare ass and said it was incredible. Howard said he's never seen anything like that. Evan said this is the girl and she brings other girls home. He said that this other girl isn't really fat but she's plump. Evan said they fuck a lot of girls.
Evan said they're going to have kids too. Howard asked Lupe if she wants kids. Lupe said she loves kids and she's so good with them. Robin said they won't be able to bring home girls then. Lupe said she'll have to have two houses.
Howard asked if Lupe is a millionaire. Evan said she's not but she's doing very well. He said they have hundreds of people signing up for her site, ILoveLupe.com, every day.
Howard asked Evan if he gets jealous of other guys banging her. Evan said of course he does. He said that if you're really confident then it all goes away. Howard asked Evan how they split the business. Evan said they're partners in their companies. He said that they make a lot of money from the Fleshlight things. He said they've sold millions of them. He said they have a factory in a couple of states. He said if Robin did one she'd do really well. Lupe said ''Fuck radio, do Fleshlights.'' Evan said she's making as much from the Fleshlight as she is from the web site at this point.
Howard asked how Evan got away from Tera. Evan said the timing was perfect. He said he was unhappy for a couple of years and Tera was a handful. He said that she didn't want to do any of the games they wanted to do or anything like that. Lupe said she's as boring as a pineapple.
Evan said that Lupe has a live web cam and they have thousands of guys who get on as soon as she's on. Evan said he's been with her for a year and a half and he hasn't gotten bored of her. He said every other relationship he'd get bored in a month. Evan said that Lupe has a lot of feminine hormones and she's got more estrogen or whatever than any other woman he's been with. Evan said they probably fuck twice a day on average. Howard asked what their favorite position is. Lupe said it's really strange. Evan said it's kind of perverted and it might not look good. They demonstrated on the couch. Evan had her legs closed and it was like she was a young girl who didn't know what to do. Lupe said his cock is so big that she has to do it like that. She does it to keep some of his penis out.
Evan said Lupe's pussy is really small. She's only 4'9'' tall and she's 78 pounds. He said they do this thing out in the street where she gets on him and they call it Piggy Front. Evan holds her like a baby and caresses her butt cheeks. Evan said people think that she's his daughter all the time. They freak people out all the time doing stuff like the piggy front.
Howard asked how often another girl comes into the relationship. Lupe said it's all the time when they're not working. She said it happens when they're working too. Evan said she has girlfriends and he lets her be with Lupe more than with him. Lupe said he fucks the shit out of them. Lupe said they dance on the kitchen table and things like that. They have a party. Evan said that they dance around and he's the DJ. Howard said it sounds like he's got it made.
Howard asked Evan if he would let a guy fuck Lupe for $100,000. Evan said no to that but everything has a price. Howard asked how much she'd want. Lupe said that would be like being a hooker. She never did give a number.
Howard asked if they've ever had any famous chicks. Evan said they've had a lot of famous porn stars. Robin asked if she would do Jennifer Aniston. Lupe said she's just average and she's annoying to her.
Evan said that they were talking about that mainstream movie earlier and it's kitchy and funny and an action comedy. He said that Lupe is the action star of the movie. Evan said you can see it on YouTube if you search for Super Poosey.
Howard had Lupe stand up and show him what she was wearing. She was wearing a shirt as a dress. She's so small she can dress in a shirt like that. Howard asked if they've ever gotten a child's ticket on an airplane. Evan said he got her into a movie as a kid for 6 bucks.
Evan said he's still doing music with Biohazard and he's got his own web site RockStarPornStar.com. He said they're coming out with a new album soon. He said that he's having a great life because Lupe goes out and pulls groupies out of the audience for him. Howard said it sounds like a big party.
Howard wrapped up with Lupe and Evan and gave them some plugs for their sites and stuff. Evan threw in another plug for Fleshlightgirls.com. He said he got a case of Fleshlights for the guys in the band. He said he started handing them out to everyone and they all started disappearing quietly to use them. Howard said it sounds like the Fleshlight is better than the real thing. Evan said it's incredible actually. Howard said he should have given his staff a mould of his wife's pussy too.
Howard tried to wrap up again and thanked Lupe for coming in. Howard said he thinks that Dave Lampert really broke his hip and he wasn't able to come in. Evan said he heard about that and Lupe got really sad. Howard said one of these days they'll make it happen. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said there was a good article about Roger Waters in Rolling Stone magazine. He said that he was never a big fan of Pink Floyd but Roger seems to be an interesting guy. He said Roger and David Gilmore can't stand each other so they go out and do their own thing on the road. Howard said one of them gets to do The Wall stuff and the other guy does other Pink Floyd stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was watching ''Private Parts'' and saw the scene where they were in the bathtub. He wondered if that was based on a real scene. Howard said it was based on a bunch of things that happened but not that specific thing.
The caller asked if he had a game to play. Howard said he didn't have it right now. He said he didn't mean to be a prick but he wasn't ready to play right now. Howard said it's every minute with the games.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said he saw Beth on Extra last night and she looked hot. Howard said he didn't see it but he knows she was filling in for one of the hosts. She's on again tonight. Eric had an F, Marry, Kill for Howard but Howard was trying to talk about what Beth was doing last night and how she was dressed. He said he had a hot red dress on and she went out to this charity event.
Eric asked if he gets jealous of her when she's out. Howard said he does but he knows she loves him and he loves her so he's not so insecure.
Howard and Eric talked about Lupe and Evan and how they fuck other people. Howard said he's pretty sure that other guys can fuck better than him so he wouldn't want his wife fucking other guys.
Eric asked if they've ever had Mickey Rooney on the show. Howard said he has. Robin said he was up there appearing on OutQ. Today is his 90th birthday. That led to Howard talking about Liza Minelli and Howard did his impression of her for a minute. Howard had to let Eric go because it seemed like he couldn't hear Robin talking. Robin said that happens sometimes.
Howard played more of the interview and stopped to do impressions of specific words Liza was saying. They goofed on her about some of the stuff she was rambling on about.
Howard said Howard TV has a new special coming up soon. It's Howard Stern's 25 Greatest Celebrity Guests which is hosted by Jim Breuer. Howard said that Jim is great. He said they did a piece with Jim for the special where he beats himself up and it's fantastic. He said they should play every one of the takes he did. Howard said the interviews are great. Howard said he was just talking to Doug about doing a reality show with Little Lupe.
Howard got back to the Oprah clips and played more of that. He and Robin couldn't get over how odd she is and what a mess she is. Howard said that's a lot of shit to put up with. Howard said Liza has turned into her mother. He said he likes that all of the men in her life are the bad guys. He said she has to look at herself and realize that she's a bit of a handful.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Little Lupe was a good interview but not for a full hour and a half. He said they have to find something else to do with her. Howard said he was winding down the interview when he realized that Evan was there. The caller said he wanted to say that Fred is a pussy and just sat there when Artie went after Teddy and Sal. Howard said it's not Fred's job to do that. The guy said his bumper music sucks too. Fred gave him an ''Okay...'' He said he was sorry about that but the guy is also a telephone bully.
Howard said he read that Blockbuster filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. He read some details about that in the article he had.
Howard said this guy Todd Wilbur thanks them in every one of his books. He wrote another one (Top Secret Restaurant Recipes 3: The Secret Formulas for Duplicating Your Favorite Restaurant Dishes at Home) and gave them a mention. He said he gives recipes for fast food stuff that people like. Howard said that's kind of a cool idea but he figured you go to a restaurant like TGI Fridays for the convenience. Howard read the thank you and he was thanking the show for getting him through everything. He thanked Howard 101 which he found odd. Howard wished him luck with his new book. They had to go to break after that.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line to play his Gossip Game. He said that Mike puts something in his column about Ryan Seacrest every week. He wondered if Ryan pays them. Mike said they don't but Ryan has mentioned that he has no idea where they get this information from. They do closed set stuff and they still get information about him. Mike said he liked what Howard said about how he and Beth wait until Thursday night to read his column over a glass of wine. Mike said that's how they savor Howard too.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard took another call from a guy who said he won about 5 months ago. Howard thanked him for being honest and took another call. That guy won some money too. Howard said this was weird. He took a call from a woman who hadn't won anything. Howard had her play the ''Howard Or...'' game. Her name was Sandy.
Howard said he has been losing to everyone lately when they go out and ask people to pick Howard Stern or someone else. Howard said they asked people who is worse, Howard Stern or Michael Richards. Howard said Michael is the guy who yelled the N-word out on stage. Howard said you'd think that they'd think it was Richards but Howard is guessing that they're going to pick Howard Stern.
Howard asked Sandy who she thinks the people are going to pick. Sandy said it would be Michael Richards. Howard played the clips and it may have been a tie. Sandy said she thought it was 6-4. Gary had the list and it was a tie. Howard gave Sandy the money.
Sandy said Howard makes her love musicians she couldn't stand before. She said he liked Maroon 5 yesterday. She said that he's made her appreciate the Hanson brothers too. She said she'd love to hear a CD set of the music they've done on the show. Howard said he can't do that but he thanked her for the call.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he thinks this is them jumping the shark or is this going to revive the series. Jon said he thinks people will tune in for the train wreck that it is. He said he's not sure that seeing Steven Tyler is going to do anything either.
Howard and Jon talked about that for a few minutes. Howard said he thought it was beneath Steven Tyler to do a show like that. He said he's a serious recording artist. He said it took him by surprise that he'd do a job like this. Howard said he thought he was way beyond that. Jon said it is an odd choice to make and he doesn't see an upside for it. Howard said he's not sure he'll make it through a whole season. Jon said that they may be looking at him like the Paula Abdul of this season. He said they're not doing any guest mentors anymore either.
Howard said that Piers Morgan is a great judge and you don't need a famous guy, you just need someone who has an opinion.
Steve said that Johnny Fratto has been banned by Eric the Midget to speak to the Howard 100 News department. Johnny immediately called the news department defying the ban. Howard said he heard the interview Steve did and Johnny was making a lot of sense. He said Eric is going to be angry about all of this. He said he bets that it made Eric very angry. Howard said Johnny was making some good points about Eric's acting rolls and how he's turning down things he doesn't like. Johnny pointed out that no one is breaking down his door giving him jobs.
Steve said that Robin went out to an event that Rosie O'Donnell held the other night. That led to Howard asking Robin how that went. Robin said it's an incredible thin that she's done. Robin said they had Cyndi Lauper singing there and they had kids singing too.
Howard asked if Robin sat at Rosie's table. Robin said she did not. She sat at her own table and she had some people from Rosie's organization there. Howard asked if there was anyone famous there. Robin said she had Suze Orman there. Howard asked how much she donated. Robin said she was a guest of Rosie's but she did donate some. Howard asked if she felt pressured to donate. Robin said she was happy to donate. Howard asked how much it was so he could figure out what to do in a situation like that. Robin told him to do what he feels in his heart. Robin said it was none of his business. Howard asked if it was $1000. Robin said she did what her heart felt. Howard said she has a big heart and big boobs. He said he wouldn't go just because he'd think that she'd expect a huge contribution. Robin said Rosie actually cried when she saw her donation. Howard said it must have been huge.
Howard tried to get the numbers out of Robin but she wasn't giving it up. Howard said it had to be at least $17,000 or so. Robin wouldn't say. She may not have even been sure. Howard said he's glad he didn't go to that. He said he'd have to stand up even if he didn't want to.
Howard said according to Rosie's web site, it's $10,000 to sponsor a kid for 15 weeks. Robin said that might be the program she went for. Howard asked if she's doing the $25,000 level one. Robin said she didn't do that one. They spent a few more minutes talking about that event and the people that Robin met there. Howard said he's glad he wasn't there. He asked if Chaz Bono was there. Robin didn't see him/her there. Howard said he'd love to meet Chaz.
Howard congratulated Robin on that whole thing. He said that maybe one of these kids will end up becoming Angelina Jolie. That led to them talking about the movie that Angelina and Johnny Depp are in. Howard said he read that Brad Pitt was upset about that pairing up because Angelina may have been trying to seduce Johnny. Robin said she wouldn't blame her for doing that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff they'd be covering today on the show. That led to Howard talking about Scott DePace and how he didn't come into the studio all morning because he's mad at him for what he said earlier about the pictures. They spent a minute on that.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt told Howard about what they'd be covering on the show tonight at 7:00pm on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
Robin read some news about Joaquin Phoenix appearing on David Letterman's show. She read about his revelation last night that he was pulling a hoax the last time he was on the show.
Robin read about the American Idol judge announcement and how Steven Tyler wants to bring some rock and roll to the show. She had some audio of Steven Tyler talking about why he wanted to be part of the show.
Robin read some news about a judge overturning a ban on gay adoptions in Florida. The judge said that they're just as good at being parents as straight parents. Robin had some audio clips related to that story.
Robin read some news about some home grown terrorists in this country and how it's getting harder and harder to detect smaller terror attacks in this country. Howard said they all seem to fail because the guys who are doing this are just douche bags and idiots. Robin said it's good that they're idiots.
Robin read some news about Iran and how they're claiming they don't want to have nuclear weapons but they are working with nuclear material.
Robin read some news about President Obama having some trouble with some protesters. She said that he was interrupted at the start of a speech. Robin read about the stuff they were protesting and played some audio of Obama talking to the protesters. She had some other clips of Obama talking about various things.
Robin read a story about how Bedbugs may be becoming resistant to pesticides. Howard said they have to bring back DDT. He said once you get these things you have to throw out all of your furniture. He said you can't keep any of it around. Howard said you only need one shit head to bring them into your home and you're finished.
Robin read some news about the egg recall that happened this summer and how congress is looking into it. Robin said that one of the people testifying invoked the 5th amendment when he was questioned about it.
Robin read about how Lady Gaga is upset about the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy wasn't repealed. Howard said maybe they were so upset with Gaga coming out against it that they figured they'd just keep it.
Robin read a story about some people who are worth billions of dollars. Robin read about the Walton family and how much they are worth. Howard said some of those people are cheaper than cheep even though they have billions.
Robin read a story about Mel Gibson and how he reportedly begged Oksana for forgiveness after making those phone calls he made to her. Howard said he'd like to hear that. Robin said Oksana is denying that she received any money for those calls that were released.
Robin read about a 58 year old man who was attacked by a bear last week. Robin said that he was attacked while he walked his dog. They later shot and killed the bear.
Robin read a story about a study done that found that 1/3 of kids between 12 and 17 were involved in some kind of violent attacks.
Robin read about how the prices of Starbucks coffee is going up. That led to Howard talking about how they turn those drinks into meals and it takes an hour to get a coffee anymore. Howard said when he drank coffee he always drink it black. He said he would put in a tiny amount of milk sometimes but the stuff people are drinking now is barely coffee. He said they hate the taste so much that they destroy the taste. Howard said they're not coffee lovers if they do that. It's mot like ice cream.
Robin read about Justin Bieber making his acting debut on CSI on CBS tonight. Howard said he doesn't watch either one of them. Robin had some audio of Justin singing. Howard said he didn't know what he sounded like.
Robin read about the Harry Potter movies and how they have a new one coming out. Gary said they have two movies based on the last book. They're wringing it out as much as they can.
Robin read about a movie called ''You Again'' starring Kristen Bell. Robin had some audio of Kristen talking about the movie. Gary said he gave Howard a copy of it to watch. Howard listened to Kristen talking about the movie and confused it with another one called ''I Spit On Your Grave'' which is a remake. Gary said that one is really good. He said he'll have to give that to Robin to watch too.
Robin read about Josh Brolin being in ''Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps'' and had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he saw that movie and didn't think it was that good. He said it got great reviews though so maybe he's wrong.
Robin read about Steve Carell leaving The Office after this season. Howard said he should stick with it. Robin said he's apparently had enough. Robin said he might think he's a big movie star now. Howard said the last movie he was in didn't make a lot of money. Robin said that movie, Dinner for Schmucks, was actually very funny.
Robin had some audio of Tina Fey talking about the new season of ''30 Rock.'' Robin said that starts tonight on NBC. Robin said they have a lot of guest stars in this season. Howard played the audio of Tina talking about the stars that will be on this season. They ended the show after that. It was right around 11:00am.
Jon ran down some other things he wanted to cover today. He said he wanted to start off with Ronnie and ''Smiles'' the intern. Jon said that Ronnie called Katie the Intern ''Smiles'' and Howard didn't like that. Jon asked Gary if Howard had a right to be creeped out by that. Gary said he does even though Ronnie is just messing around. He said that there's a 40 year difference in Katie and Ronnie's age so that's where it gets creepy. Gary said he's weirded out by any conversation that can get weird. He said he had to decline a Facebook invitation from an intern because he felt that would be weird.
Jon said that Howard and Ronnie were having a debate about the personal appearance thing and Ronnie is saying that he never said he wanted to do that kind of stuff. It just kind of happened. Gary said he's not sure if that's the case or not.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Ronnie about his creepy behavior and Ronnie was arguing that he wasn't doing anything wrong.
After that clip Gary said that Ronnie is flirty and he may not even realize it. Gary said he's into the good looking girls and he comes up with nicknames for them. He said that he didn't have a cute name for a 300 pound intern.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie hangs out at the strip clubs all the time and he may have lost that filter that he should have. He seems to view every woman the way he does with strippers. Gary said he thinks that's where Howard was going with his conversation.
The caller asked if the Miss Howard TV passed out when she saw Ronnie because she claimed she passes out when she sees midgets. The guys told him it was a good try with the joke but there was no laughter.
Jon took a call from a former intern, Jessica, who said she never got a creepy vibe from Ronnie. She said he called her ''Chief.'' She said she doesn't know why that is. Gary asked if it was weird that she had a nickname and no one else did. She said she got along with him great so it wasn't creepy to her at all. She said there's nothing wrong with that at all.
Gary asked Katie if she felt weird about the whole ''Smiles'' thing. She said she thought Ronnie was goofing on her at first but she never felt creepy about it. She didn't think he was flirting with her either.
Jon said that Katie is the only female intern this semester. Katie said one of the guys said that Ronnie struck up a conversation with him for the first time today. She said that maybe it was something Howard said. Gary said that Ronnie is going to come barreling in and get all upset asking them what their problem is.
Jon said that Ronnie was really fired up today when Howard was going off on him. Gary said when you're nice to the only female intern it does come across as odd.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the strippers are only nice to Ronnie because they want to keep their jobs. He said Ronnie should stay away from girls this young. Ronnie has a girlfriend that's only 27. The guys said she's a very nice woman. Jon said that Ronnie doesn't act his age either. Gary said he's young at heart.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie makes his blood boil with the stuff he does but he doesn't see this as a problem. He said he doesn't think he has a plan to do anything with the girls. Gary said he agrees with him and it's harmless and it's just flirting. He said not everyone thinks it's harmless though. Gary said you can end up in H.R. if you just look at someone wrong these days.
Ronnie showed up so Jon asked him what happened on Monday when he walked out with Howard. Ronnie said Howard didn't say shit to him that day. That was on Monday and he didn't say anything until this morning. Ronnie said that Howard had someone call him old so he's taking it all out on him. Gary said that it came out on the Intern Show last night so he told Howard about it this morning. Gary said he's not buying the connection that Ronnie is making to the ''old'' comment.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Robin was riding him too hard this morning. Ronnie said she's riding everyone too hard and she seems to forget who her friends were. He said she's forgotten her friends and just left them all behind. Ronnie said he's going to come back at someone if they come after him. He's not sure why Robin left people behind. Ronnie told them to ask Neil Drake when the last time was that she spoke to him. Ronnie said he used to bail her out of a lot of shit and now she doesn't talk to him.
Ronnie asked Katie what she thought about this whole thing. Katie said she thought Ronnie was just poking fun of her smiling all the time. Ronnie said he just wants to know if it was so terrible what he did. Gary said it wasn't terrible but she's rather be called by her name. Ronnie said he doesn't go after 20 year olds anyway. He said they have to be at least 24.
Ronnie also talked about why he invited the female interns to his block party that year. He said the guy interns were a bunch of dicks. He said the girls didn't like the guys either so that's why he had them. Ronnie said that he had to stop doing the block parties because the neighbors didn't want to help. He said they would bitch about it if he told them it was $100 a house. He said he just stopped doing it because of that.
Jon asked Ronnie about his desire to do appearances. Ronnie said he would have wanted to do that kind of stuff but he never said to Howard that he wanted to be booked for appearances. Ronnie said he's still getting booked and he's doing a Rick's appearance in October. Gary said they invited him back to do a Rick's appearance too. The guys applauded him for that since they thought he had lost all of those bookings.
Gary asked Ronnie if he could name all of the other interns there. Ronnie said that he knew Rick, Nick and he didn't know the rest of them. He said he knows who they are but doesn't know their names. Gary said some people think he doesn't know any of their names unless they're female. Ronnie said he really doesn't know because they have so many that come through there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is a creep and he has to stop with this. Ronnie said this guy just wishes that he was up there doing this. The guy said he knows Ronnie is a creep.
Another caller said that Ronnie might be trying to cover up his deep seeded homosexuality. He said that he could either come out of the closet or just go with tranny's. Ronnie jokingly said he had been with some tranny's. He said he was just joking around.
Gary said they have way lower expectations for Sal than they do with Sal. Ronnie said Sal was locked in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes yesterday and he's not supposed to take a dump there. He said some people think that he was in there with Robin's bras and he may have been doing something. Jon said he needs Sal down there... now.
Ronnie said that the theory is that he was in there with Robin's bras like he did with Debbie the Queefer's underwear. Ronnie said the bras were in there the whole morning.
Jon asked Katie if anyone else there is flirting with her. Ronnie said he wasn't flirting. Jon said some people are calling it flirting. Katie said she hasn't noticed anything yet. Jason said that JD may zero in on her. That may take some time though. Katie said that JD will try to strike up a conversation here and there but nothing flirty yet.
Sal came in and said he didn't know what was going on but there's a weird vibe going on. Gary told Sal what the theory was and Sal said he had stomach problems yesterday and he had to shit. He said he ended up going to piss with Richard in the other bathroom. Sal said he saw the bras in there but they didn't look good.
Jason asked Sal how he shit without pissing. Sal said he pissed and the other visit to the bathroom was with Richard 45 minutes later. He said he has plenty of better things to jerk off to than Robin's bras. Jon asked Sal why he didn't come out there to take a dump. Sal said it was poking out so he had to rush. Jon said it's only an extra 30 feet to walk to the other bathroom.
Ronnie and Sal were insulting each other about each other's creepy behavior. Sal asked if he was watching what he was doing. Ronnie said he didn't even know that Robin's bras were in there. Gary said Sal's life is like the sixth sense and he must see sexy things in red so they stand out to him and not others.
Sal said he used to take a dump in the bathroom there and he hadn't taken a dump in there in the 4+ years they've been there. He said this was an emergency. Gary said they'll have to ask Howard what he thinks about that.
Jon asked Sal if he's a little friendly with the interns. Sal said he hasn't bothered them in the 4 years they've been there. Sal said he did a song parody with an intern last semester but she came to him asking to do the song. He said that he was just the engineer with that intern.
Sal asked Ronnie why he wouldn't have thoughts about Katie. He said she's legal at 21. The guys asked if he really thought that 21 was ''legal.'' Sal said that maybe it's 18.
Ronnie said he heard that Lisa G is worried about his beard now. Sal said maybe Lisa thinks that it looks like her pussy because it's grey. Sal asked if they think that she's got grey pubes. Everyone sounded uncomfortable with that line of discussion so they dropped it. Ronnie wanted them to hit a dump button on that comment.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she gets comments like that at work. She said she appreciates it though. She said that she's attractive and she likes to hear that kind of stuff.
Gary asked Sal about what this goof is that he was going to do the night of Letterman. Sal said he was just joking around. He said he may twitter about him on Letterman and he'll just have some fun with it. Ronnie said Sal wasn't able to look Gary in the eye because he's lying. Sal just shot back with some insults about Ronnie's age. They had to go to break after that.
Sal said he thinks it's just nice to compliment women. Gary said that Sal's voice gets very syrupy when he's around a very pretty girl. He did an impression of Sal when he's like that and he's very nice. Sal said he's nice to everybody. He said there's no reason for girls to get upset when he calls them ''sweetie'' or something like that. Gary said that some people are bothered by that name though. Sal said they shouldn't be.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Ronnie. He said he knows they get off on picking him apart but if they get their feelings hurt by Ronnie then maybe they shouldn't be working there. He said you have to reevaluate yourself if you can't deal with that. Gary said maybe they just want to be called by their names and not something made up. The caller said that maybe the person should speak up and tell the person that. Jon said that Ronnie represents Howard in a way so he has to behave a certain way around people there.
Sal said that he can't imagine hopping on a horse when you're going to be coming on the show to give Lupe a Sybian ride. Sal said it makes no sense. He said if he was 80 the last thing he'd do is hop on a horse.
Gary asked Sal if he would give Lupe a ride the way Dave does. Sal said he would but it wouldn't go over well with his wife.
Jon said that Evan was talking about his ex wife Tera Patrick. Gary said they used to come up with ideas for her to do on the show and she never wanted to do any of them. She was tough to work with. Sal said that a porn star is a woman. He said that you take away the porn star thing and look what you're left with... case closed. Jon said he didn't know that a case was opened. Sal said he's just telling it like it is. He said that Jesse James said that marrying a porn star isn't all it's cracked up to be. He married one and he ended up with a woman. Jon and Gary didn't know what he was talking about so Sal told them it was over their heads.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when you give someone a nickname then you are undermining their jobs. Gary agreed with him on that. He said he had a boss that called him ''Chief'' and it bothered him. He said he just wants the guy to call him by his name.
Jon took a call from Lexi the intern who was on last semester. Jon asked what she thought of all of this. Lexi said she was the one who came up with the song parody that Sal helped her out with. She said that she wrote the song and Sal helped her out with the music. She said they only spent about 10 minutes working on it. She said she's not sure if any of the other interns worked with him on anything. Lexi said she didn't get a weird vibe off of him either. Gary said he wouldn't have had Sal helping her out because of the content of the song. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:05pm.