MarksFriggin.com - Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 10/18/99 to 10/22/99

-- Monday October 18, 1999 --

Howard Talks About The Death Of Jim Jensen. 10/18/99. 6:45am
Early this morning Captain Janks called in to ask Howard if he knew about the death of Jim Jensen, an ex-New York news anchor. Howard knew about the death so he and the rest of the crew discussed some of the old bits they did about Jensen years ago. Fred dug up the old bits and played them to bring back the memories. The bits reminded Howard why Jensen eventually came to hate Howard and his show. Jensen had a drug problem and in the bits they goofed on that part of his life. The bits included ''The Life of Jim Jensen'', ''Don't Worry, Be Jim Jensen'' song parody and a ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'' goof.
Howard's 16 Year Old Daughter Drinking Already. 10/18/99. 7:35am
Howard mentioned that he was at a Bar Mitzvah this weekend and his oldest daughter Emily asked him to get her a Malibu Bay Breeze at the bar. Howard knew that she was drinking wine while she was in Europe over the summer but he didn't know she knew so much about drinks. He went up to the bar and had the bartender make the Bay Breeze without alcohol to see if Emily would notice. He said she took one sip and immediately knew there wasn't any in there.
Blind Lisa Calls In Again. 10/18/99. 7:40am
Blind Lisa the Playboy model called in again this morning. She calls in every day asking the show for money and now she has a $2000 phone bill. Robin told her to stop calling and she wouldn't have a $2000 phone bill. She was calling in to ask for money again but Howard said he's sick of her and hung up on her. She was telling him how she got a part in a movie but that's only one day's pay. Howard told her just to get a real job and stop bothering him. She's the one who claims she can't work because she has ''weak limbs.''
Howard Explains Saturday Night Censoring. 10/18/99. 7:50am
On this past Saturday's ''The Howard Stern Radio Show'' there was a bit where Howard's interns goofed on General Manager Tom Chiusano. At one point one of the interns said the word ''nig*er'' and it was bleeped out. There were also mentions of the words ''kike'' and ''spic'' that were censored out of the show. It turns out that because CBS had aired the word ''shit'' earlier in the week on ''Chicago Hope'' they were worried about any other questionable words would cause a problem. It shouldn't be a problem because Howard's show airs in what's known as ''Safe Harbour'' late at night. There was also a point where Gilbert Gottfried copped a feel off of Jasmin St. Claire when he put both hands on her breasts. That was blurred out so you couldn't see Gilbert's hands. Meanwhile over at Saturday Night Live someone grabbed Heather Graham's breasts and it wasn't blurred out. Howard says this is just another case of selective enforcement of the FCC rules.
Analyzing A Foo Fighters Song. 10/18/99. 8:20am
Howard was mentioning a couple of upcoming guests when he brought up the Foo Fighters. They're going to be performing live on the show sometime in the near future. Howard said he heard the song ''My Hero'' (off their album The Colour & The Shape) over the weekend and had to say how great the song was. He was saying how Dave Grohl is so talented and how he was on MTV talking about being in Nirvana with Kurt Cobain and how he didn't mind sitting playing the drums because Kurt was so amazing. Howard was talking about ''My Hero'' and he was calling it ''Here comes my hero'' but a caller told him that he had the lyrics backwards and it's ''There goes my hero.'' Howard then started playing ''My Hero'' and he and Robin tried to figure out what the song was about. Robin figured that it's about Kurt Cobain's death and how Kurt was just an ordinary guy who couldn't handle life. Howard let the whole song play through and said how great it was.
Howard Plays Drunken Jackie Tape. 10/18/99. 8:35am
Earlier in the morning Howard was talking about Jackie's appearance out in Las Vegas this past weekend. Someone told Howard that Jackie sang a song out there. That led to Stuttering John bringing up how Jackie made a fool out of himself at his wedding. John actually had tape of that mess that Howard never played on the air. Today he played some of it and it was Jackie singing his ''Pot Song'' and a drunken version of ''Midnight Hour.'' That led to a whole long discussion about how inappropriate Jackie is at a lot of functions. Everyone there had a story about Jackie being either drunk, naked or both. John told the story about how Jackie passed out in front of a door after his wedding and everyone was opening the door into his head. Howard had a couple of stories. One of them was how Jackie didn't know that drinks were free down in the casinos down in Atlantic City and when he found out he ran around like a kid telling his wife about it. Howard also told a story about how he saw Jackie lying nude on a bed eating a tray full of shrimp and steak while he was on the Nutrisystem diet. Everyone also brought up how Jackie chased KC around with his penis wagging around out of his pants. Howard thinks Jackie may have some gay tendencies but Stuttering John said Jackie's just comfortable being nude.
Milton Berle's Son Bill Berle Calls In. 10/18/99. 9:15am
Milton Berle's adopted son Bill called in this morning to promote his new book ''My Father, Uncle Miltie'' this morning. Howard said he just wanted to find out about Uncle Miltie's huge, infamous penis. Bill was more than happy to talk about his father's penis. Howard said that Milton is known to have the largest penis in Hollywood. Bill said his father used to walk around the house with no pajama bottoms on so he saw it quite often. Bill has also heard stories about his dad showing off his penis back stage in Las Vegas among other places. Howard had some notes about the book since he didn't read it himself. He said that Milton was so big that he injured his wife internally. Bill also said that his father once told him that adopting him was the biggest mistake he'd made in his life. He said that happened during a fight. Bill also told a story about how at Danny Thomas' funeral his father said ''I f-d her 50 years ago..'' as Nancy Reagan walked by him. He said that Milton said it loud enough that Nancy and her Secret Service people all heard the comment. Bill said that he has a half sister and he's heard rumors about how his father may have had some illegitimate children back in the '30's. He said his dad never told him who they might be though. He said when he was a kid Milton never played baseball with him but he did have some of the LA Dodgers come over and play with him instead. He said that was pretty cool for him to do. He also got some sexual advice from his father but the delay button was hit while he was telling Howard what it was. We later found out that he said something about putting a piece of chalk in your butt, squeeze it between your cheeks and pretend that you're writing your name. Howard had to paraphrase it because he didn't want the delay getting hit again. Howard also heard that Milton used to keep a bed pan in his bedroom because he was too lazy to get up at night. Bill said his dad wasn't a great shot so his room would often smell like urine. Howard finally asked Bill if he wrote this book to get back at his father for not talking to him. Bill said that wasn't ''high on the list'' of reasons. He said he wrote it because a lot of people asked him what it was like to grow up as Uncle Miltie's kid so he wrote the book. He said he loves and hates his father at the same time. He's written letters to Milton and he hasn't gotten a response but he still admires him for his talent. Milton is now 91 years old and Bill said the guy is still in good shape. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Bill before ending the segment. One woman asked if the rumors about Milton having 6 toes was true. Bill said he didn't have 6 toes but his feet are deformed because he had to wear shoes that were too small when he was a kid.
Guy Tails His Wife Who's Allegedly Having An Affair. 10/18/99. 10:10am
Howard took this phone call from a guy on a cell phone. He was tailing his wife who was in a car with a guy who she shouldn't be with. He told Howard he's followed her 2 other times to a motel. He said he's been taking pictures so if he has to get a divorce he'll have evidence. He's only been married 1 ½ years and she's already cheating on him. Howard kept the guy on the phone for 15 minutes while he chased down the vehicle. At first he was pulled over by the cops but he explained that he was following his wife and the cops left. He then followed them into a gas station. The guy pulled out and he followed. He honked his horn and told them to pull over and after a few minutes of that the guy finally pulled over. The guy got out of his car and confronted his wife. She apparently admitted that she was having an affair. He told her that Howard wanted to talk to her but she didn't believe it. All of a sudden the wife and her new man took off in their vehicle. The caller got back in his car and started to follow them again. Howard couldn't take it anymore so he put the guy on hold so Stuttering John could monitor the situation. As of the time I updated this page there were no new developments. If more becomes available I'll post it here.
Chris Rock's Skin Lightened? 10/18/99. 10:50am
Over the weekend Howard was watching MTV's special where they showed auditions for VJ jobs. Included in those auditions was comedian Chris Rock. Howard saw him and thought that he looked much darker skinned back then. Today he comared the old tape to the new tape and he swears he thinks Rock had his skin lightened. He had Robin come over to look at the tape and she couldn't believe her eyes. She said it looks like he also had a nose job to make it less flat. Howard said he's going to have to get in touch with Rock to find out if he did any of these things.
-- Tuesday October 19, 1999 (As replayed on March 29, 2009 and September 26, 2010) --
Benjy Balding And Fatter Than Ever. 10/19/99. 6:25am
Show opening bits and songs included: A breast enhancing audio tape clip, Blondie performing ''Rapture'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio, a Carol Alt intro for Howard Stern. Benjy came in the studio this morning and Howard couldn't help but notice that he's losing his hair. Usually everything else going on with Benjy distracts you from noticing that but today Howard was fixated on his hair. Benjy said he realizes it and he's thinking of just cutting it short. Howard also said he looks fatter than ever. Benjy agreed so they brought in a scale to weigh him in. The first scale, a digital one, broke when he stepped on it.. either that or the batteries were dead. They got another scale and he weighed in at 270 pounds. Benjy said that he's wearing clothes so that adds a few pounds. The last time he was weighed in he was 265 and said he was going to go on a diet. It never happened. He says he's going to try it again.
Dr. Jama Clark Tells Us What Women Want. 10/19/99. 7:00am
Dr. Jama Clark called in to promote her book ''What the Hell Do Women Really Want: A Guide for Men in the 90s'' this morning. Howard thought that he'd get some tips for those listeners out there who can't get women but that never really happened. After talking to the psychotherapist for 20 minutes Howard said he learned nothing new. The Dr. basically said that guys might have to lower their standards if they can't get women. She put it this way..''If you go to a party and all of the steak is gone, you eat hamburger..'' In other words, go for the ugly chicks. Dr. Clark told Howard that when women are looking for money it's really security they're looking for. After learning nothing Howard wanted to find out what Dr. Jama Clark looked like so he checked out the picture on her book. He was surprised at how good she looked. The picture is 13 years old though. Dr. Clark then turned Howard to her web site WomenWant.com where there's a current picture of her. Howard was still impressed with her looks. He then spent a few more minutes talking to her about her sex life. Howard also said that after a few minutes of looking at her picture he was touching himself.
Hero Of The Week: Everett Russell. 10/19/99. 7:50am
This guy Everett Russell called in this morning to tell Howard about how he bulldozed his house last weekend. Apparently Everett was having problems with his wife and trying to get her to move from upstate New Hampshire down to Massachusetts because of her involvement with her church. He said the economy up in northern New Hampshire is poor so he has to drive 200 miles to work in Boston. He wanted to move closer to the work but his wife refuses. He can't afford to support his family making $10 an hour up in New Hampshire so he really wanted to move. This past weekend he got so fed up that he hijacked a bulldozer and pushed his mobile home over a 50 foot embankment. He made sure to get all of the pets out of the home before he did it. His family was out for the morning when he did it. He explained to Howard that 2 minutes after he did it his wife came driving up. He told her that now they're moving and she told him ''no!'' She's staying up there to be with her church and there's no arguing about it. Everett told Howard that the thing that drove him over the edge was the fact that she was going to go on some retreat with her church group and leave the kids with a baby sitter. Everett said that he's turning himself in this afternoon. He's been kind of hiding since he did the deed. Howard ended up calling Everett the ''Hero of the Week'' after hearing his story. Howard thinks that churches cause a lot of problems and this is one good example of that.
Stuttering John Gets A Lecture On Tardiness. 10/19/99. 8:05am
Stuttering John has been coming in late at least once a week according to Gary. He was late again this morning. Howard had John come in to the studio this morning so he could lecture him on that subject. At first Howard thought that the conversation would be too serious for the air and he should have it off the air. 25 minutes later he'd given John the lecture and humiliated him all at once. John explained that he didn't think his 2 alarm clocks had gone off so he overslept. He was also up until 12am or so watching the Yankee game last night. Robin let Howard know that sometimes John says his obsessive compulsive disorder sometimes causes him to be late because of all the rituals he has to go through before doing stuff. Like this morning he said he didn't put socks on because it would have taken him 5 minutes. He has to take them off and put them back on so many times that it takes forever. Howard eventually told John that he's a baby and he needs someone to pamper him constantly. He said the next time he's late they should put him in a diaper and give him a pacifier. John now says he's going to get a couple more alarm clocks to be sure he's up on time. Someone suggested that he should get a wind up alarm clock since he also loses power a lot at his home.
Howard Wants ''Real World'' Ruthie As A Guest. 10/19/99. 8:45am
Howard was saying how he needs to get this 21 year old girl Ruthie from MTV's ''Real World'' on his show. Her drinking has made her quite a celebrity on the show. Mike Gange said he hung out with her at the MTV Video Music Awards after party recently and she was pretty fun. He said she told him that she would never do Howard's show because he'd rip her apart. Gange said after they pissed her off she got up, pulled up her dress and shoved her ass right in his face. He said she's got a great body. One of the other DJ's on Howard's station in New York said that he saw Ruthie squatting on the ground outside of the awards party so he thought she was going to pee on the ground. It turns out she pulled out something even more disgusting.. a tampon I assume. Howard thinks that MTV should make her a VJ but he thinks they're too paranoid to do that.
Hank The Dwarf Visits. 10/19/99. 8:55am
Hank the angry, drunken dwarf came in to promote some web site company he was hired to work for this week. He came in dressed like a baby angel. He was wearing a diaper, wings and a halo to promote Messiah.com. He's making $1000 a day for 5 days from the company and they have him doing things like Howard's show and standing out in front of the MTV studios holding up a Messiah sign. Of course he was drinking alcohol this morning and was a little drunk. He said he's been limiting his drinking lately and he went a full 3 days without a drink last week. At first, when Howard questioned Hank about the money he was making from Messiah, Hank said he was making a percentage of the visitors he brought in to the site. Doug Goodstein from E! came in and straightened that out. He told Howard about the $1000 a day fee he's getting. He also helped tell a story about a recent appearance at the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. They said that Hank was hired to do Karaoke in front of a racially mixed crowd of 400 or so. When asked to perform a rap song Hank replied ''I don't sing any of that nig*er crap.'' Some black audience members were pissed at the comment and went to complain about him. Others were amused by his stupid comment. Hank explained that he just doesn't know the songs so he doesn't perform them. He also pulled down his pants at that appearance. He didn't have any more of an explanation than ''..because they were there..'' Doug recently visited Hank at his mother's home and got to see some of his baby pictures. He brought them in for Howard to check out this morning. Howard said he looked pretty normal as a baby. His head was a little big but his body looked pretty normal. Of course Howard also took a bunch of phone calls for Hank. Most of them yelled at either Howard or Hank for having Hank on the show. Hank would then argue with the callers and curse at them. One caller called Hank Portuguese and he went nuts and said he hates the Portuguese people. Apparently he lives in a Portuguese area in Fall River, Massachusetts and he doesn't like the people. He also yelled out, for no apparent reason, that he hates Jesus Christ. He said he's an atheist but Howard told him there's no reason to hate the guy. Hank also plugged his web site HankTheDwarf.com and another site called LoveAndJoy.com. Howard couldn't figure out why he was promoting LoveAndJoy.com so Doug had to come in and explain it. He said they just switched servers and LoveAndJoy.com will bring you to the same thing as HankTheDwarf.com. You can find out where Hank is appearing on his web site. Hank stuck around during the new so he could make pointless comments and argue with more callers.
-- Wednesday October 20, 1999 --
Howard's Favorite TV Characters. 10/20/99. 6:30am
A listener called in and asked Howard if he'd seen the A&E Biography special on Fred Gwynn, aka Herman Munster. Howard missed it but it got him talking about how great that character was. He then went on to give his top 5 favorite characters on TV show comedies. He gave his top 4 but couldn't quite come up with the fifth one because there are so many. Here are his top picks.
1. Herman Munster - The Munsters
2. Gomez Adams - The Adams Family
3. Jethro - Beverly Hillbillies
4. Ralph Kramden - The Honeymooners
There was no definite pick for number 5 but he mentioned Barney Fife and Mr. Ed among others. The caller on the phone asked Howard why the Three Stooges weren't on the list. Howard said they're great but they were actually film shorts, not TV shows. He also said that Abbot and Costello were great but they were also movies, not TV.
Celebrity Interview Tapes Played. 10/20/99. 7:15am
Howard replayed some couple of old tapes of interviews Gary Garver did not too long ago. After playing those he had a new one of an interview with some guy Jim Fallon from Saturday Night Live. Apparently Fallon is a fan of Howard's. He told a story about meeting Jackie one time and how he played the part of Howard in a sketch one time. After doing that sketch someone told Howard that it was someone else on the show doing the bit and Howard went off on him instead. Fallon said that he hopes Howard doesn't dislike him because he likes Howard.
Time To Play The Butt Buffet. 10/20/99. 7:40am
Howard had a couple of women who wanted to win some plastic surgery. He invited them in but they had to agree to do something to win the surgery. They'd have to eat carrots out of various Wack Pack member's asses. Howard had both of the women come in so he could talk to them for a few minutes. First up was a 23 year old black woman by the name of Jasmine. She told Howard that she needs liposuction on her big ass. Howard checked it out and said it was really big and said she may just need to work out a bit to get rid of it. Jasmine said that she's worked out, dieted and taken drugs under the supervision of a doctor and she just can't get rid of it. She said it runs in her family. A female listener called in and said she had the same problem as Jasmine and she just started jogging and noticed a big difference. Jasmine said when she does that her legs get too muscular. Eventually Howard moved on to Heather, a 20 year old white girl who has a 1 year old son. Howard started digging into her fascinating background and found out some interesting info. Heather dropped out of school to help support her mother and father because her mother has a bad back. She got pregnant and had the kid because she thought her boyfriend, Caesar, was into having a kid. After he was born Caesar was gone. Now she works at a pharmacy while her mother watches her son. Howard kept telling her that her mother is raising her son but she didn't want to agree with that. She argued with him for quite a while but eventually agreed with him. She told Howard she wants her son to grow up to be an actor. Howard pretty much begged her not to do that to her son because more than likely it'll screw him up mentally. Howard spent about a half hour talking to Heather about her wacky life and finally got around to asking to see her A-cup sized breasts. She said she'd like implants to give her self confidence. She has stretch marks that she doesn't like also. Gary said the stretch marks weren't that bad. She's got a bad tattoo though. Since Howard had spent so much time talking to Heather he had to take a commercial break before having the girls eat the carrots.
After the break Howard came back with the Wack Packers who would be holding the carrots in their asses. High Pitch Eric, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Beetlejuice, Vin the Retard and a porn actress by the name of Shelly Jones were all set to play the game. Howard had a Wheel-of-Fortune-type wheel set up so they could spin it to see which Wack Pack member would the lucky carrot holder. Howard introduced each wack pack member and spoke to them for a minute. High Pitch Eric still can't pick up women and his voice is still just as high pitched as ever. Shelly Jones told Howard that she was on the cover of the August 1995 Playboy magazine. She also just filmed a porno for Vivid Video. Beetlejuice the dwarf rambled on about his new ''Beetlejuice'' tattoo. Howard said Beetlejuice also does porno and apparently he has a big penis. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach made his return to the show and tried to be a little wacky but he couldn't quite match Beetlejuice's wackiness. Last but not least Vin the Retard. Vin is back in stand-up comedy so Howard had him do a little bit of his act. Unfortunately he was unintelligible through most of his joke. He's usually pretty understandable but not today. Howard finally had all of them put carrots in the crack of their ass so the women could play some Butt Buffet. High Pitch Eric got naked and Howard said he looked really disgusting. Heather volunteered to go first to get it out of the way. She spun the wheel and came up with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Ken yelled out ''Come eat my carrot!'' so off she went. There was disgust and laughter all at the same time. Jackie was gagging in the background as Heather pulled the carrot from Ken's ass and ate it. Howard told her she got her wish of implants. Jasmine went next and her first spin got Kenneth Keith. Howard had her spin a second time. She got High Pitch Eric! Eric was thrilled. Howard said Eric was the most vile of them all. Jasmine went over and got her carrot. There was a lot of Ohhh's and Ughh's from the crew. Everyone was disgusted. Jasmine did her deed and won her liposuction. Heather then asked if she could do it again for some liposuction on top of her implants. Howard told her only if she ate it out of Beetlejuice's ass. She went for it and ate another carrot. Beetlejuice loved it also. Before ending the segment Howard let everyone plug their stuff. Here are some of them:
- Shelly Jones has a web site ShellyJones.com and will be appearing at Goldfingers in New York until Saturday
- High Pitch Eric said he's going to hook up with Beetlejuice's manager to do some porno
- Kenneth Keith also has a web site at KennethKeith.com and is filming a porno up in Canada
- Vin the Retard didn't have any plugs
Both Beetlejuice and High Pitch Eric asked Shelly if she'd do a porno with them. Shelly said there's no way she'd do it with either of them.
-- Thursday October 21, 1999 --
Robin's 9 Cats. 10/21/99. 6:20am
A couple week back Howard learned that Robin was getting a couple of new cats which gave her 6 or 7 total. She told Howard that she spreads them between her two homes so there's only a few at each place. Now Howard has heard that Robin has 13 cats roaming around her homes. Robin clarified that and said that she only owns 9 of them but she was taking care of a few others so that's where the 13 came from. Robin told him how she had to have one put to sleep so she needed another to take that one's place so they just keep coming. Years ago when Howard took in a stray cat Robin told him he was nuts. Over the years she came to love the felines and now wishes she could have a tiger if it was legal. Howard couldn't believe that she would know the names of all of the cats so she rattled them all off.. Here we go: Max, Tut, Kelly, Pumpkin, Shadow, Mischief, Ohura, Solo, Pip, Sassy, Jazz, Cognac and finally, Champagne. 13 friggin cats! She also told Howard about her electric cat box that scoops the poop from the pan automatically. You may have seen the $200 litter pan advertised on TV. Howard then went on to discuss how much his mother hates pets and thinks animals shouldn't be allowed inside homes because they're dirty.
Howard's Hygiene Problems. 10/21/99. 7:15am
Howard was talking about how his butt itches this morning. He went on to have a discussion with all of the other guys about their hygiene and how they wipe. Howard said he still doesn't know how to do it good enough so that he doesn't itch afterwards. He explained how he ''plunges'' himself with the toilet paper to clean himself but for some reason it leaves some stuff behind and makes it itch. Stuttering John and Gary both came in to share their stories of wiping with Howard also. Howard was using baby wipes for a while but when he ran out he felt too embarrassed to ask his assistant to get him more. Gary said he'd get Howard a case the next time he was at his wholesale club. This discussion led to them asking Robin if she has hair down near her butt. She said she really doesn't have much hair at all. Then the discussion turned to some of the hairy and/or fat women the other guys have slept with. Gary told a story about this woman who was so hairy it looked like she was holding a bathroom rug in front of her private parts. He said her hair started at the back of her neck and ran all the way down, around and up her front. He said he was turned off but not enough to leave the bedroom.
Cliff Dorfman's Run In With Judge Reinhold. 10/21/99. 7:40am
Actor Cliff Dorfman, who played a rapist on ''Beverly Hills 90210'', called in with a story this morning. Cliff had a run in with actor Judge Reinhold (Beverly Hills Cop) while driving his car in Los Angeles. It must have happened a year or so ago. He went on to explain, in detail, how he almost cut Reinhold off while making a right turn. Cliff said that he'd gone through an intersection and Reinhold had allegedly made an illegal cross in a lane that was supposed to be a ''right turn only'' lane. When they crossed Cliff was going to turn into a parking lot or something and as he glanced over to the right he saw a black Mercedes there. He stopped and waved the car on but he could see the driver freak out and bash his steering wheel. The car then sped ahead, backed up and blocked Cliff from moving. He then saw Reinhold get out of his car. Reinhold then came over and yelled at Cliff saying that he hates these people who drive big trucks and how he's going to kill them all. Cliff said he then banged his fists on his door, reached in, opened the door and yanked him out of his Ford Expedition. Cliff said he tried to calm Reinhold down but when Cliff told Reinhold he's talented, he went off and punched him in the neck. Now Cliff says that he's trying to sue Reinhold but his witness has vanished and people are saying that he's taking advantage of Reinhold's celebrity to get noticed. Cliff said he really doesn't care, he just wants people to see that Reinhold is dangerous. Howard had to throw in a disclaimer saying that he doesn't know that it was really Cliff on the phone or that he actually had a run in with Judge Reinhold. Cliff said this story has been in the tabloids and in People Magazine among others. Howard told him he could come in when he's in New York and he'll try to get Judge Reinhold on the phone at the same time.
Howard Listens To Punk TV Theme Album. 10/21/99. 8:15am
Howard spent a couple of minutes listening to this album ''Show & Tell: A Stormy Remembrance Of TV Theme Songs'' which is full of TV theme songs remade for the '90's by punk bands. He listened to short bits of a bunch of songs but there were only a couple he thought sounded pretty good. They have everything from Green Acres to Friends on the album. Howard thought that the Laverne and Shirley theme sounded pretty good as well as the Cheers theme. A couple of the bands added some curse words so Howard had to hit the delay a couple of times. Howard said he may have thought the songs were good because he was in a good mood.
Julie The Censor From E! Television. 10/21/99. 8:25am
Howard brought this hot looking woman Julie in this morning. He said she was from E! and it turns out she's the one responsible for censoring his show. She's the one who's in charge of cubing out the bare breasts and bleeping out curse words. Howard was very taken with the size of her breasts because as soon as she walked in he said that she has a ''..heck of a rack!'' He spoke to Julie for a few minutes about the things she's done. He didn't realize that she was 32 years old. He said she looked like an intern or something. Howard guessed that she had D-cups but she said he was wrong and they're only C's. They spent a short time talking about how she got the job and why they blur certain things like lesbians kissing. Julie said they're no longer doing that. That led to Howard asking Julie if she'd ever had a lesbian experience. She admitted that she did kiss a lesbian one time. She told Howard that she was living with a roommate who was a lesbian and they she tried out kissing her because she was curious at the time. Howard asked her if she was topless at the time but Julie said she couldn't remember. She's not married now and she doesn't even have a boyfriend. After 10 minutes or so Howard ended the interview and asked Julie to take off her sweater so he could see her lovely chest a little better. She complied, Howard said ''Wow! What a chest on you!'', and off she went.
Wrestler Mankind And Fred The Elephant Boy Come In. 10/21/99. 8:35am
WWF Wrestler Mankind, formerly Cactus JAck, was coming in to promote his book this morning. Before he came in Howard had Gary bring Fred the Elephant Boy in first because he was acting strangely. Gary said Fred threatened to leave if Gary didn't let him talk to Mankind first. Fred and Mankind have been friends for years. Mankind was actually the first wrestler allowed on the show years ago thanks to Fred. At the time he was called Cactus Jack. Gary said Fred was actually walking out and saying that they won't let him do what he wants to do. Gary called him a big baby and let him see Mankind. Fred spoke to his old friend and was pacified enough to stay. Howard had him in to find out why he's acting so weird. Fred said that he feels that they've done everything they could with him so he doesn't really care anymore. Howard also said Fred is done with the whole porno mess that happened a couple of weeks back. He's parted ways with the people and won't be plugging the movie. Howard told Fred that they wanted to keep him away from Mankind until they came in the studio so they could keep it fresh. Howard said he likes to see Fred light up when he sees the guy. Howard then brought in Mankind, who's real name is Mick Foley... and that's what I'll be calling him from now on. Mick came in and hugged Fred who lit right up when he saw him. Howard said he was ''smitten'' with the guy. He asked Fred if he'd make love to Mick if he asked him to. Fred said ''no'' to that. Fred was actually invited to Mick's wedding 8 years ago so he must be pretty close to him. Howard asked him if he'd ever looked at any of the wrestlers penis' when he was in the locker room with them. Fred said that would be inappropriate. Howard spent some time talking to Mick about his relationship with Fred and his career as a wrestler. Fred said that he always gets the WWF pay-per-view specials because Mankind steals the show and he's the best performer. But then he said that Stone Cold Steve Austin is his favorite wrestler. He's never been able to sit down and talk to him though. Eventually Mick was able to plug his new book ''Have a Nice Day! A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks'' and a couple of appearances he's making in New York today and tomorrow. Tonight he's signing autographs at the Virgin Megastore in New York City from 7-9pm. Tomorrow he'll be at the Barnes and Noble in Huntington, Long Island. He also plugged a movie that he's part of called ''Beyond The Mat'' that will be showing at the AMC Theater in Studio City, California. Howard also had a guy come in who came down to the studio to meet Mankind. He was a 24 year old guy who was carrying around a Mankind doll in his pocket. Howard asked him if he thought he was a little old to be doing that. The guy didn't think so. He said Mankind has inspired him to be all that he can be and he's a big fan. He said he's a legal assistant and also works in the music industry. He's also engaged and said his fiance is a big fan of Mankind's. Before he left Mick gave the guy a hug. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Mick and learned that he was a virgin when he went into college. He also wrote his book by himself. He said someone was there to help him in the beginning but it wasn't coming out that good so he started from scratch and wrote the whole thing by hand. He also showed Howard his ear that had been ripped off in Germany one time. He's only got about half of it left. Sal the Stockbroker managed to get in a phony phone call before Howard ended the segment. Sal called in as a wrestler disguising his voice. He said that he'd seen Mankind's penis and he should really be known as ''WomanKind'' because it was so small.
-- Friday October 22, 1999 --
Goofing On A Dopey Listener. 10/22/99. 6:35am
Howard was taking phone calls this morning when this guy called in and started boring him with his story. He was telling Howard how he got a copy of the ''Private Parts'' book and it was missing some pages. He wanted to know if the book was worth anything because it was rare. While the guy was telling Howard his story Howard muted his voice so the caller couldn't hear him. He said that he was going to yank the guy and tell him that it is worth something. He went on to scam the guy and tell him that someone he knows just sold one for $57,000. Then the guy said he still had the cover so Howard raised the value to $75,000. Another caller, Benjy from the office, called in and pretended to have sold his book for some ridiculous amount of money like $110,000. Howard told the guy that he buys books like that for $5000 but the guy should hold on to it. Then Howard told him he should have it in a safe deposit box. He already does! Then Howard told him if he ever takes it out of the safe deposit box he should lock it in a sealed box and chain it to his arm. The guy eventually thanked him for the information and got off the phone.
Labia Doctor Comes In With Patient. 10/22/99. 7:05am
Plastic Surgeon Dr. Alter came in this morning with a woman he's going to do a labia operation on. Dr. Alter called in a few weeks ago to talk to Howard about his labia operations and this woman, Emily, heard the segment and contacted Dr. Alter. She sent him some photos of her unusually large labia and he offered to meet with her. Since Emily lives in Orlando, Florida and Dr. Alter is in California they decided to meet in New York City. Alter told Howard that they met at a hotel so he could examine her. Howard had the pictures there to look at and when they showed them he yelled out ''Whoa!'' at the sight of it. Apparently her labia are very large and hang down. Howard said she's better hung than he is! He said she's very attractive though. 24 year old Emily said that she noticed her labia were unattractive when she was about 14. At 17 she had a baby so she couldn't have been too self conscious. Howard spoke to the two of them for a while and learned that Dr. Alter also does other types of plastic surgery such as breast implants and even penis enlargements. He said he doesn't do the enlargements much anymore because the technique hasn't been perfected. You can visit Dr. Alter at AlterMD.com or call him at (310) 275-5566. He said he has some before and after pictures on his site.
The Gossip Game With Guest Jerry O'Connell. 10/22/99. 7:50am
Actor Jerry O'Connell came in to plug his new movie ''Body Shots'' and to play the Mike Walker gossip game this morning. You may know Jerry as the chubby kid in the movie ''Stand By Me'' or from ''Jerry McGuire'' or ''Scream 2.'' He also did a few seasons of the TV show ''Sliders.'' Howard said he had him in because he claimed to have dated Sara Michelle Gellar. He wanted to find out more about that but first they played the gossip game. Howard also showed Jerry the pictures of Emily's labia from earlier in the show.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Jerry said he doesn't read the National Enquirer but he loves the game. Here are this week's stories:
1. 75 year old Bob Barker, from The Price Is Right, saw a worker at a supermarket meat counter being yelled at by some guy so he told the guy to back off. Barker is a black belt in Karate so the guy backed off and the woman thanked Bob.
2. David Hasslehoff is quitting Baywatch and is going to hook up with producer Baby Face to come out with a new album for the U.S. He's already a pop music star in Germany so he wants to do the 'States now.
3. Mick Jagger has moved back into his house with estranged wife Jeri Hall. He's staying there so he'll be close to his children but he's not allowed to bring women home.
4. Madonna and Jennifer Tilly went to a club. The bouncer was going to let Tilly in and not Madonna until Tilly told him who she was. The bouncer then said ''okay'' and let them in.
Jerry and Robin both picked number 1 as the false story. Howard, Fred and Jackie all picked number 4 as the false story. The actual false story was number 2. There were no winners this week.
After the game Howard tried to get some info out of Jerry about dating Sara Michelle Gellar but he wasn't talking. Howard pulled some tape of Sara saying that she was just friends with Jerry and after that Jerry wouldn't talk. He said he'd let Sara answer all of Howard's questions. Howard also went over how Jerry was discovered in 6th grade at school in New York. He was picked out of his school and went out to meet with Rob Reiner to audition for ''Stand By Me.'' At the time his mother told him he was going to meet the guy from Archie Bunker. He thought he was going to meet Carol O'Conner but when he saw Rob Reiner he said ''You're not Archie Bunker, you're Meathead!'' Howard tried to get more info about Jerry banging chicks out in L.A. but he didn't give many details. He hinted that he gets laid a lot but still no details. Howard really wanted to find out some stuff but it wasn't happening. Howard finally got around to asking Jerry about this new movie ''Body Shots.'' There are a lot of sex scenes in the movie so Howard spoke to him about that. Jerry said he had to wear a sock-type thing over his genitals during the filming. He did get to see his co-star, Tara Reed's breasts though. She wore some kind of patch over her genital area. Howard opened up today's Daily News and saw that the movie got 3 stars which is pretty good. The New York Post only gave it 2 stars though. Jerry was pretty impressed with the 3 star review though. Howard tried a few more times to get some info out of Jerry about Sara but it was useless.. Howard told him if he ever wants to get back on the show he'd better start talking.
Actor Jason Alexander Comes In. 10/22/99. 8:45am
Actor Jason Alexander, who played George on ''Seinfeld'', came in to promote a movie he directed called ''Just Looking.'' The last time Jason was on he told Howard a story about how he'd gotten laid at 13 by an older woman. Howard said he had a surprise for Jason and that they'd located that woman. He brought the woman in and it actually turned out to be Crazy Croy the old bag. She pretended to be the woman who banged Jason many years ago. Jason played along with it and did so well that Howard told him he was ''One polite son-of-a-bitch'' because he didn't crack. Croy went into her crazy talk about how President Regan stole architecture plans for a ''nuclear incubation station'' from her years ago. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Jason and there were a surprising number of anti-semitic comments from the audience today. Everyone was pointing out that he was a Jew and that where he grew up in Livingston, New Jersey was a very Jewish area. One guy said that it's known as LivingSTEIN to those around the area. Howard also learned that Jason is a huge ''Star Trek'' first generation fan. He had a whole bunch of trivia questions that he asked Jason and he was able to answer most of them no problem. Jason also said that he was inspired to get into acting by William Shatner. He also got to meet him as a birthday gift one time. Howard took some more phone calls and one of them was a woman claiming to be Jason's babysitter from when he was a kid. After digging a little bit he said that she was actually his neighbor but he wasn't sure that she'd actually babysat for him. Howard said she was a crummy interview so he didn't spend too much time with her. Before Jason left he told Howard about this movie he directed. He said that it doesn't have a distributor yet so it's just showing at film festivals around the country now. Tonight it's in the Hamptons on Long Island. Howard said that if the movie's not national he doesn't know why he's plugging it. Jason said he wasn't asking him to do that. Jason said the movie is about a 14 year old who just wants to see someone having sex and you follow him on his trek until he finds what he's looking for.
The Naked Cowboy. 10/22/99. 9:35am
This guy showed up unannounced this morning. He calls himself The Naked Cowboy. Howard let him come in quickly to do his thing. He explained that he goes around the country performing his music naked. He cam in the studio in his underwear. He said people only noticed him when he started performing naked so that's what he does now. Howard let him sing a little bit then kicked him out of the studio. Robin was impressed with his body. Howard said he looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He kiddingly said KC was gushing over the guy also.