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Howard and the crew were back from their two week vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about a couple of things that bothered him on vacation. He said there was one thing about Megan Fox getting married. Howard was interrupted by Robin coming in and said that it also bothers him that he's back there.
Howard went on to talk about how Megan Fox married Brian Austin Green and said that the NY Post was very harsh on them. They said that she settled for her ''B-list'' boyfriend. Howard said he found that to be kind of harsh. He said that he was a teen actor and had a job and he's been working. Howard said the guy just got married and he's being treated like this. He said he can imagine how the guy must feel.
Robin said that they're calling him all kinds of names and he's just trying to be married. Robin said that's not going to help him get any work. Howard said Megan must love the guy and they're just bashing the guy. Robin said there's nothing wrong with her marrying him. She said it's like when a hot woman marries a regular guy and they put them down. Howard said Brian Austin Green isn't Al Pacino or anything but that's not right. Howard said he felt bad for Brian Austin Green but he's probably happy.
Howard said the other thing that bothered him was about Lebron James and how they were calling him a Jackass on the cover of the NY Post. He said that was on a Sunday too. Howard said people called him and brought up the Lebron James thing. Howard said they have this salary cap for the players but the owners of the teams in the NBA can make as much as they want. He said no one is telling them what they can or can't make.
Howard said Lebron got his freedom to make a decision on whether or not to play for the Cavaliers. He's a basketball player who made a shitload of money for this owner of the Cavaliers and now the guy is pissed that he's leaving his team. He said that he should be happy the guy made him all of this money. He said the guy went on and started bashing Lebron. He said that reminds him of the way Viacom treated him in the end. He said he did nothing wrong but they got pissed at him and even tried to sue him. Howard said this guy Dan Gilbert came out with this pronouncement and it was wrong. They were calling Lebron a jackass and he's just trying to take a job. Howard said to call him names is wrong.
Howard went off on this Dan Gilbert guy about the way he was treating Lebron now that the guy has left the team. Howard said Jesse Jackson was right when he said it's like slavery the way they're treating him.
Gary came in and said that he thinks that the owner of the team was upset because of the way Lebron told the team that he was leaving. He waited until 4 minutes into the press conference to let them know he was leaving. Howard said they should get over it.
Gary said it seemed like a big spectacle when they did the press conference. Howard said they got huge ratings for that press conference. They did it on ESPN and got a 7.5 ratings which is huge for a cable channel. Gary said they obviously gave him a bunch of stock answers because he was using the same lines. Howard had some clips to play from that press conference. He played the clip of Lebron announcing he was going to the Miami Heat.
Howard took a call from a guy in Cleveland who asked why they're going off on the Cleveland fans. Howard said this is a business and the guy wants to play with certain players and that's why he's leaving. Howard said the Cleveland fans had the guy for 7 years and he's just going to a team where he thinks he can win a championship. Howard said the guy gave his all to the game and he was loyal. Now he's got a new opportunity and he's taking it. The caller said he had all he wanted there. Howard said he should be mad at the owner then. He said he didn't have the proper team around Lebron.
Howard said he has a friend who played football and he has a Super Bowl ring and it's a big deal to people who come to his business. He said that's a big thing in Lebron's life. Howard told the caller he should just move on with his life.
Howard said that he was thrilled with the announcement. He didn't want the guy there in New York. Robin said she laughed when she saw that announcement because all of these stars were begging him to come to New York. Howard said he was asked to do that but it's better that the Knicks continue to lose so he can get court side seats. Howard said he loves a losing team. He said he loves sitting there in the front row. He said he got a call from someone at the Knicks and they told him he could have those seats even if they weren't losing. Howard said he's not mad at Lebron but he thinks that the owner of the Cavaliers is the asshole.
Howard said he had some other clips to play. He said he had a Larry King clip to play. In the clip Larry was asking a reporter to give them an update on Lebron and the crowd started chanting ''asshole, asshole...'' behind the reporter. Larry claimed he couldn't hear what they were saying but it was very clear.
Howard played another clip where they talked about the fans burning Lebron's jersey. Lebron was asked about that and he said he can't get involved in that.
Howard said he was being asked a million questions and Mario asked him to point to Beth's cover and say ''Extra, extra, read all about...'' for the cover of the magazine. Howard said he told them he wouldn't do it. He said he wanted to get out of there so he didn't do it.
Howard said he had a guy ask to take a picture. They had an intern taking pictures so he told him to go ahead and do it. Howard said he thought they were kidding him. He said he was all cranky after that. He said he's always cranky and he has to quit the psychiatrist. He said he had 2 weeks off from that. Now he has to go back this week. He said he's going to have to lie to the guy to get out of going. He said Beth told him to tell him he was producing some new show or something.
Howard said he had a guy on the phone who says he's wrong about the Lebron James thing. The caller said the Cavaliers had a great record last year so Howard is wrong about the team paying him. He said they offered the guy the max amount. Howard said maybe Lebron likes the weather in Miami. He said this is bullshit that the owner is treating him like shit. He said that the owner made countless money on the guy and now he's bad mouthing him instead of thanking him for serving him faithfully for 7 years.
The caller said that Lebron waited until the last minute and this reminded him of a certain shock jock. Howard said he'd be proud to be like Lebron James. He said he might go to Miami and do a show on a 300 watt station down there. The caller told him to go ahead with his ''hot'' wife. Howard said he thought he said ''hog wife'' and went off on him threatening to beat him up. The caller told him he's 7 feet tall and 300 pounds so he'd better not invite him down there. The caller said he would come in for a tour of the studio though. Howard asked the guy why he's not playing ball. The caller said he's got other things going on. Howard told Gary to give the guy a tour. The guy said he's on twitter @ImSevenFeet
Howard got back to the Hamptons magazine thing. He said that this woman from the Daily News asked him about Larry King saying that Howard Stern could never be his replacement and he didn't want to be compared to Howard Stern because he's classless. Howard said Larry called him a ''smock'' according to this woman. Howard said that he asked her if she's a Jewish woman because she didn't know the word ''schmuck.'' Howard said he had never heard of ''smock'' other than a painter using a smock when he's painting.
Howard said he told this woman how Larry had no talent and he got ratings on CNN so they said he was huge even though he barely had any ratings. Howard said that Larry is the mother fucker who has been married 9 times and it's possible that he's been cheating on his wife with her sister. Howard said the guy is a disaster of a human being and he can't believe that anyone sat with him and took him seriously. Howard Beth asked if it was an accurate quote. Howard said the woman said it was something like that. Howard said he told her to go ahead and quote him anyway. Howard said this woman may not have even been working for the Daily News. He said that he did go into a rant about Larry though.
Howard said he went on to say that Larry didn't get any ratings so they don't need to replace his show. He said they should put on a brand new type of show and not replace it. He said that's like saying they want to replace ''My Mother The Car'' with a new cast. He said it's not going to work.
Howard said some people think that he's the best interviewer in the world. Larry King has never prepared for a guest. He said the guy wears that like a badge of honor or something. He said that Larry should learn something about his guests so he could be interesting. He said preparation is not a bad thing.
Howard went off on Larry and his wife saying that the poor woman is going to have to be around him 24 hours a day now that he's retiring. Howard said the guy is like 100 years old and the wife is going to go nuts dealing with that.
Robin said she thinks Larry was forced out. Howard read an article about how Larry's spokesman has the opportunity to be a pitch man or do commercials. Howard said they think he can make even more money than he was making there at CNN.
Gary said that Larry was a pitch man for something already. Howard said the guy was free to be a pitch man all along. No one was holding him back.
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Howard said they went over to NBC and they were supposed to go out to dinner with Chris Rock. He said that never happened. He said that Chris pulled a douchey move. He said that this was on the Thursday before vacation. He said he met Beth over at Fallon's show and Spade was on that night too. Spade had asked to go to dinner that night so he agreed to that. Howard said they were all going to go out to dinner and they asked Chris Rock to come. Howard said he didn't know if he was going to show up or not.
Howard said they talked to Chris and David there on the show that week. He said that Chris acted like he didn't know about the dinner. After the interview Chris said okay to the dinner.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon is a nice guy and he will probably have to go over there and do the show one of these days. He said he saw what Beth was wearing and it was great. He said she had some fun. He said she has the body for what she wore she he told her he'd appreciate seeing some skin. He said that Beth had some fun doing the interview.
Howard said Beth changed out of the outfit for dinner. They went to the Waverly for dinner and David Spade came in alone. He didn't have a girl or Chris Rock with him. He said that was fine of course. He said that Spade said that he was flying solo but he wanted to see who he was banging. Howard said Rock was talking about all of the girls he was dating during dinner. He said he loves the guy though so he didn't mind. Howard said he asked where Rock was and Spade said he just didn't show up. Then at the end of the meal, when they were done, Spade said that he checked his Blackberry and Rock was with Adam Sandler having dinner instead. Howard said he can get through dinner without Rock but he didn't have to pretend he was going to go out with them and then go with Sandler. He said he could have just told him that he was going out with Adam. Howard said he felt that was kind of lame for him to do that.
Robin said she saw that movie ''Grown Ups'' and it was bad. She said it was not funny. She said that Chris Rock should get far away from that whole crew. She said that David was kind of funny in the movie but it wasn't good. She said it was awful. Howard said it made a lot of money. Robin said it was dumb and not funny. Howard said hew wanted to see it. Robin told him to wait for it to come to cable.
Howard said that they had a good time with Spade at dinner. They had some nice conversations. They talked about his baby mama and things but that was kind of uncomfortable.
Howard played a clip from the show where Robin and Geraldo were asked about this Rolling Stone thing. Robin talked about the story a little bit in a very calm way. Then Geraldo went off on the reporter and got really upset about the whole thing. Then Robin went off on Geraldo trying to calm him down and the two of them wouldn't stop arguing. They were going back and forth talking over each other and the host had to try to stop them. It was almost impossible.
Howard said that Robin made a good point saying that Geraldo was almost acting like he wasn't in the same business being a reporter. Howard said Robin did well on that show. He said he thinks they should hire her. Howard said it can't interfere with this show but they could have her on over there. Robin said she knew she was getting dressed up to argue with someone. She got all dressed up just to argue for 10 minutes. Then she was out on the street all dressed up. Howard said that's like the walk of shame. He said he loves the walk of shame when a woman is walking home in her party clothes. He said they should do a whole TV show about the walk of shame.
Robin said that Mel's father was a really religious guy and said that the catholic's weren't catholic enough and started his own church. Howard said Mel has said that it's not up to him how many kids he has. He said that the guy says it's up to God. Robin said Mel knocked up this Russian woman and then he got stuck with her.
Howard said Mel was raised by this really religious guy and he somehow held it together for years. Then maybe his age started to get to him and he stated to fall apart.
Howard said everyone loved Mel Gibson. He said that he had some good movies and then something happened. He said it all started to fall apart. He said that Mel got arrested and said something about the cop looking like a Jew. He said that he was right but he got away with it somehow. Howard said that Mel has said things about the gays in the past too. He said that he was saying that his ass was for shitting or something like that. He said that Mel got away with that but now this woman he was dating has taped him and caught him using the N-word. He said that his agent didn't drop him with the other stuff but when he used that N-word the William Morris agency dropped his ass.
Howard said that Mel used it so fluently that it sounded like it wasn't the first time. Howard said he used the term ''pack of Nig**rs'' when he said it. Howard said this is the greatest self destructive comment ever. Robin said that it's the way he used it that makes it sound like a pack of white guys would be fine.
Robin said she hadn't heard this yet. Howard said it starts mid-discussion. He said Mel is telling the Russian woman that her breast implants are too big and she can't possibly be able to breast feed. He said it's terrific symphony.
Howard played the clip and Mel was going off on this woman, Oksana Gregorieva, about her implants and breast feeding. Then he tells her they look ridiculous. You can listen to the whole clip at RadarOnline.com.
Mel tells Oksana that if she's raped by a ''pack of Nig**rs'' then it's her fault because she's dressed provocatively. Mel also tells her that he doesn't want her anymore.
Howard said that he can't imagine getting that worked up over a woman like that. Howard said he also called Big Foot. He played a bit that the guys created with Mel and Big Foot audio clips. They had the two of them having phone sex.
Robin wondered how you spin that story. Howard said Beth asked him the same thing. He said he can't imagine that you can spin that story. He said he has so many things to talk about this morning.
Howard said that no one died during their vacation so the curse didn't come into play this time. He said that curse is ridiculous. He said he has to take a break and get to more phone calls and other things after the break.
Howard came back and talked about the song that was playing. Robin said she has just gotten into her iPod lately so she has to put that song on it. She said that there is something to be said about having the songs that you like at your disposal. Howard said he likes having SIRIUS for music. Robin said she did too but she likes having her own music too.
Howard said he had some friends over and found a new channel on SIRIUS under the Jazz category. He said it's almost like the kind of music they have in a hip restaurant. Howard didn't remember what channel it was. He said he has all of the channels there but he doesn't know how to work this setup. He asked Scott the Engineer to come in there and help him out. Scott looked over all of the stations but they were listed alphabetically instead of under categories. Howard said he wasn't going to be able to figure this out.
Howard told Scott to get out of there as they had some Fleetwood Mac playing. Gary told him to try ''Watercoolers.'' Howard said that was it but it was actually Watercolors (Sirius 71). Robin said that's what she used to put on when she was getting massages. She said it's changed though.
Howard said he would be annoyed by trying to play his own music on an iPod. He likes having it picked by the channels there at SIRIUS. He let the Watercolors station play for a short time.
In the clip Rich said he got a call from Fred's wife Alison and she asked him to go out for drinks. Rich said that she drilled him about what went on at the party they went to and what Fred was really up to at Scores that night.
Fred said he really didn't know about this meeting. Howard said maybe Alison wanted to know if he was really gay or something. He said he saw Rich sitting on Fred's lap that night and Fred claims that someone sat him there as a prank. Howard said he saw Rich on his lap and Fred with his head resting on his chest. He said that it looked like maybe he was gay and he had made a bad decision marrying Alison.
Howard said maybe Alison wanted to meet her competition to see what she had to do to beat him. Howard asked Fred if he was going to ask Alison about this. Fred said he will. He doesn't think she ever said a word about that to him. Fred said that might be why Alison was asking him if he heard the show.
Howard said Beth suggested that he invite some guys over to keep him company. He said that he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. He didn't know how he'd escape it if he wanted to get out. Howard said he had JD, Gary, Fred and Tom Chiusano out to the house. He said that Tom is like a good guy and volunteers his time to help cancer patients and stuff now.
Howard said he had Ross and Richie Notar, Tim Sabean and Doug Goodstein out there too. He said he had Jason too. Will was invited too. He said he couldn't make it. Jeff Shick also came. Howard said he was afraid that Sal and Richard would get bummed out if they found out. He said he just didn't have the room for 50 guys so he had to limit the list.
Howard said they had a nice time out there. They went out bowling and bowled. Howard said that Sam Benrubi was there and asked Tim why he was fat. It turns out Tim went to McDonald's before he got to the house. Howard said that Gary and Jon Hein bunked up at the house too. Howard said that he knew that Gary would want to be with Jon. Gary said the woman who runs the house asked who he wanted to be bunked up with and he suggested it. Howard said he'd bet that Gary and Jon had sex that night.
Howard said he was going to stick Tom with Jon since neither of them masturbate. Howard said if Gary needed to masturbate then Jon wouldn't object. Gary said that it's not like two guys talk about their jerking off to one another.
Gary said that they were put in Howard's parents room so they had two beds that were close together. Howard said that's what his parents want. Gary said he got so drunk that he could barely get his clothes off. He said that for all he knows they did have sex. Howard asked if his ass hurt the next morning.
Gary said that Tim was telling stories about the food and stuff and he was lying about it. Howard said he heard that Tim ordered a new sandwich they have at McDonald's. It was the Angus wrap. He special ordered it so he had to have known what it was before. It turns out he ordered two of them and then ordered some McNuggets too.
Fred was playing Tim clips as they were goofing on the guy. Howard said that the people at McDonald's greeted Tim like Norm on Cheers. He said that's how they knew he had been there.
Tim came in and said that he did have some fries too but not his own. Tim said that he hadn't been to McDonald's in years so he didn't know what the Angus wrap was. He said that he appreciated Howard having them out to his house though.
Howard said he knew Tim was going to be back up in weight. He said he told him not to throw out his fat clothes. Tim said that was a mistake but he's going to lose weight again. Robin said he's lying to himself. Tim changed subjects and told Howard that they painted and cleaned up around there. Howard said that's a waste since he might be leaving in 6 months. Tim told Howard he can't leave. They love him there. Howard said he told Beth to kick him in the head if he re-signs there. He said he can't be getting up this early anymore.
Lisa said that Richard Christy and his band Charred Walls of the Dammed have wrapped up their tour. She said that there were a lot of people out at the show. She said that Richard was alcohol free the whole tour since he was driving the band around from city to city. She said that Richard has also gotten thin from not drinking.
Lisa said that Jason Kaplan now has a web cam set up at home so he can monitor his cat from work. She said that Jason was defending the cams saying that Gary has cams at home but they show his driveway and all you see is a newspaper landing in it. Howard said he has a cam on Beth so he can keep an eye on her. Howard said some guy named William tried to pick her up. He said that the guy didn't know she was married so he walked away when he found out.
Lisa asked Howard how he handled this heat. Howard said he loves this heat and went jogging in it. He said he lost 4 pounds on his run one day. He said it was all water weight but who cares? He said he loved losing the weight. He said that Gary came out to his house and handed him an envelope with his new book (They Call Me Baba Booey) in it. It was his manuscript but he didn't want to read it on vacation.
Howard said that he knew the book was going to be about him. Howard said it's actually a fascinating read and how Gary started out working at a record store and stuff. Howard said that no one is going to read this. He said that Tom Cruise hasn't even written a book yet but ''Fafa Fooey'' has. Howard said he read it from front to back. He said he knows things about his brothers and his father and mother and all of that.
Howard said there is a lot of stuff about him in the book. It's more than just 3 chapters. Howard said Beth asked him what he was going to say to Gary about that. Howard said Ross told him he had to be honest with him. He said that the laughs are the transcripts of him goofing on the guy. Howard said he gives Gary his blessing to go ahead with it though.
Howard said Gary kind of backed off his mom stuff and back onto him. Gary said they're probably going to expand on his mother stuff now that the editor is looking it over. Howard said the stuff about his mom is good but he has to expand on it. Howard said that he fans will like the book. He said he has to do more about the record store and those other jobs he had.
Howard said he was going to invite Lisa over to his house on Saturday but then they realized that she is a reporter for Howard 100 News. Howard said that they knew that she'd be talking about all of the stuff that happens. Robin said she had Lisa out to dinner one night and she interviewed her after. Lisa said she can't win. Howard let Lisa go after that. He had to take another break.
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Howard came back and said that song is so cool. He wished that he had written it himself. Howard said he needs like 5 good songs to go on tour himself.
Howard said he was watching Christina Aguilera on the Storytellers show. He said she had too much to talk about. He said she was wearing short shorts but also wearing stockings so it wasn't very sexy. Howard said he's like a fuckin' maniac. Robin said he has a very sad person. Howard said he really is. Howard said he fast forwarded through most of her talking and stopped to hear the music. Howard said she probably writes all of the shitty songs herself but the others were written by other people. Howard said he bailed on the special when he heard songs that he had never heard before. He said that Linda Perry came out and talked about the song ''Beautiful'' and what it meant.
Howard said he watched the Miley Cyrus special too. He said he likes that she's dressing like a hooker. Robin said there's something wrong with this country. She said it's very sick that people want to see these young girls undressing and eventually in Playboy. Howard said he only likes her hit songs. He's not a huge fan of her music. He said that her show was just her concert so it wasn't like the Storytellers thing. Howard said Miley changed outfits throughout the show.
Howard said he wanted to see True Blood a couple of weeks ago but they kept it off the air for a couple of weeks.
Howard said that a woman touching his penis is very important to him. He said he had Beth using his as a rudder in the pool the other day. He said that she lost interest pretty quickly though. He said he'd be happy if she did that all day long. He said he told her to pretend that it was a way to steer him around the pool. She did that for a short time but gave up.
Howard said there's apparently a sign to use in a massage parlor. He said that when the woman tells you that you don't need a towel, that's the sign. He said he had that once but he ended up using the towel because he was too embarrassed. Howard said Beth had a massage naked one time and that's when the guy touched her ass and stuff.
Howard said he and Beth went out to a place once where they got massages and they had this really hot masseuse. Howard said he went in and this woman told him he didn't need the towel. Howard said it was at a legitimate hotel too. He said he told the woman that he needed the towel. He said he didn't want her to see his flaccid penis since it looks like a mushroom. Howard said it's like one of those little wiener hot dogs in a blanket... but with too much blanket.
Howard said he had nightmares thinking about this woman seeing his tiny penis. He said he might have enjoyed it if she had stuck her hand up the towel though. He said he really doesn't want that to happen now though. He said he just enjoys the massage.
Howard said Beth went to the same woman the next day and he's still not sure what happened. He knows that the woman brushed up against Beth's pussy lips but he's not sure how far it went. He said that she may have gone farther but he's not sure. He said he'll ask Beth about the story and she'll tell him that she's embellishing the story and it makes him crazy. Howard said they have to ask Beth about that again.
Benjy said they were like 2 blocks from work when this happened. Howard said you never see any black people around there but they were all over Tracy. Howard said that Benjy started yelling out ''Eddie! Eddie! Can I have your autograph?''
Howard said Tracy asked him who he thought he was. Benjy said he was Eddie. Howard said Benjy started managing the people and telling everyone to back away from ''Eddie'' and Tracy was very confused. Howard said Tracy started freaking out. He took control and said that he was in charge. Howard said people were trying to take pictures with Tracy and Benjy was getting into everyone's pictures. Howard said Tracy was such a good guy that he let it happen. He said Tracy was perplexed and didn't know who he was. Howard said that Benjy told him that he's in his life and he refused to leave.
Howard said Tracy handled it very well and he didn't seem to mind what was going on. Benjy said he didn't think anything was going to happen. He said that Doug might remember better what was going on with his people. Doug said they looked like they were just friends and not security.
Doug said that they're going to put the tape up on today's daily show on Howard TV. He said they'll show what they can but it wasn't that great video so he'll be carrying a better camera with him from now on.
Howard said Benjy was signing Tracy's name on people's paper and telling Tracy that he was in his life. Doug asked if he was signing his name as Tracy. Benjy said he was. Howard said they were taking those autographs too.
Howard said this guy overreacts to the double or triple rainbow. Howard played some of the audio of the guy and he's talking about how bright the rainbow is and how intense it is. He keeps saying ''whoa!... Oh my god!'' over and over. He asks what it means and just breaks down crying.
Howard said this guy sounds like a retard crying and asking what it all means. He let the clip play through some more and the guy is still moaning sounding like he had just jerked off. Howard said this guy looks like Big Foot. He said he saw him on the news and he's big and heavy with a big beard. He said it's pretty weird.
Howard said there are too many people in the world. He said that's the way he wants Beth to react when she sees his penis. He said they should get that guy to do McDonald's commercials for that Angus burger. Howard said that they could have Tim doing that for the Angus thing too.
Howard said that he wants to talk to Barry about this. He told Gary to book him on the show. He said he'll take a phoner or an in studio interview.
Howard played more audio of this woman talking about the break up. She was talking about how this might be the universe telling her something. Howard said it was Barry telling her that they're breaking up, not the universe. Howard said maybe the universe is telling her something though.
The woman, Elizabeth, tells the interviewer that they had just had sex before this weird break up happened. She said that she can't just turn off love and give up on Barry. She said that she could have handled this with grace but Barry didn't give her that respect.
Howard said that someone sent him a cover version of ''Thank You'' by Chris Cornell. He said that it was really good. JD said that some guy just emailed it to them. Howard said it was on YouTube and it was good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what Barry did was very upright and upstanding. He said that there are a lot of women who want to take everything from you after you have coffee with them. Howard said this was a little more than coffee.
Howard said he gets nervous in front of the doctor and he doesn't want to smell bad. Howard said that happened when he had started to use that natural deodorant stuff. Howard said he had to wipe his armpits with his socks that day.
Howard said he knows he's going to get the early Alzheimers from the aluminum stuff. He said he's going to ask his father what he uses. Ross Zapin told him he likes Right Guard. Howard said Ross uses the spray. He said that guy is so tan right now too. He said he doesn't seem to be afraid of skin cancer. Tim Chiusano almost died from skin cancer. He said that Tom wore shorts and a shirt that blocked out all of the rays. He said he had 85 suntan block that day too. Howard said Tom looked like something from the Addams Family. Ross was there right out in the sun. He might as well have had a sun reflector too. He said that can't be good for you.
Howard said he got a little bit of sun. Robin said he didn't look tan really. He looks healthy but not burnt. Howard said Beth is almost black. He said it's like being married to a black woman with blonde hair. He said he warned her not to get cancer because he'll leave her if she does.
Howard said if Russell has a built in radio audience, he's all for them bringing him there. He said he doesn't think that's going to happen.
Howard said they have a lot of people on the stations there and they don't even know how to do a radio show. He said that's the kind of people they have to bring in there. That led to Howard going off on Oprah Winfrey and her $50 million deal there.
Howard said he'd love to see Russell there doing a show. He said he likes the guy just fine. He said he heard that Russell had a show in England but they don't have an international fan base. Howard said they don't have SIRIUS in England. Howard said they don't know if Russell Brand has an audience that he can bring in. He's all for it if he can bring anyone over there though.
Howard said that he was reading about how their subscriber base was going up but the stock price was down to 91 cents! He said he's trying to retire and the stock keeps going down. Howard said his father asked about the stock prices and the article that came out. Howard said he needs that stock to go up so he can retire.
Howard said he saw his dad over vacation a few times. He said he didn't get to talk to him on his birthday. He was going to take him out to dinner but his dad didn't want to go because he had gone out to lunch. They can only handle one meal a day with family apparently.
Howard said he called and talked to his mom about the birthday thing. He did an impression of her talking to him on the phone. He said she told him that they were going to Nathan's but he didn't want to do that. Howard said his father gave him the blow off and told him that they'd go out some other day.
Howard and Robin talked over the song a bit and talked about how good it was. Howard said that he could have made a hit out of this song too. He said Chris could do that with any song probably. Howard said the guy is good.
Howard told Fred to get out the guitar so he could make a hit song now. He told the guys to print out the lyrics to that song so he could sing it. He didn't have them all memorized. Fred got his guitar and started tuning it. He told Fred to go low. Fred started playing the song and Robin was blown away that he could do that so quickly. Fred did it in a similar way to Cornell's cover. Howard said he could make this into a hit song too.
Howard said he sees that Fred can handle it so he'll let him collaborate with him. He had Fred start the song over again. Howard started singing and had some echo on his voice. Howard said he thought he sounded really good too.
Howard gave up on the song about 1/4 of the way in. He took some phone calls after that. One guy said he had that song as his wedding song. Another caller said that his uncle was using the Arm & Hammer stuff and he had to have his arm amputated. He had him going for a few seconds but it was obviously a joke.
Howard said that Little Lupe was the number one show on Howard TV again. He said that Rachel Fine was number 2. He said he's going to have some Penthouse girls on the show this week because that's what people want to see on Howard TV.
Howard said that Little Lupe won a Fame Award over vacation. JD said that it's like the Golden Globes of the porn world but he can't find any audio from the show.
Gary told Howard he had a Little Lupe game to play. It's an IQ test game that he hadn't heard yet. Howard said he'd try that one out.
Howard told Bill he could win $711 if he wins this game. He played the test question which was ''What is semen?'' Lupe said that it was a guy who lived close to her. Howard said that this was just a test question. Lupe didn't know that one.
Howard played the first question for Bill which was ''What country is Hitler from?'' Howard asked Bill what he thinks. Bill said she won't know the answer. Lupe said ''Germany.'' Bill got that one wrong.
The second question was ''Who was the small black actor who recently died?'' Howard said that was Gary Coleman. Bill said she wouldn't know. Lupe said she knows who he is but didn't have an answer.
The third question was ''What is the first lady's first name?'' Bill said that she would not know. She did know that it was Michelle.
The fourth question was ''What is doody?'' Howard said he thinks she'll know. Bill said that she will know this one. Lupe said ''A small dude.'' Bill missed that one too. Howard said he's never heard a happier loser.
The caller got a bonus question which was ''In what state would you find the Statue of Liberty?'' Bill said that she would know that one. He was right. Lupe knew it was New York. Bill won the $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard wrapped up the game and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he might have to remake that AC/DC song too. He said that someone made a song out of that Double Rainbow guy using Autotune. Howard played some of that song and got a laugh out of it. He said that's like that ''Firefly'' song. Robin laughed at the song too. Howard said the song was actually pretty good. Robin said someone very talented out there made that into a song.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the Arm & Hammer stuff has something in it that they're saying it causing super bugs to be created. She said that it kills the germs in your armpits but the really strong germs can grow. Howard asked the woman what he's supposed to do about the deodorant. She said she barely leaves the house and only knows this stuff because of this. Howard said that Beth tells him to just use whatever he likes and not worry about it.
The caller said she used the Arm & Hammer stuff and she thinks that Howard is going to have to use an antiperspirant even though he doesn't want to.
Howard said he thinks the oil spill is still going on. Robin said it is. They took the cap off last week and it's leaking even more.
Robin said they are asking if the fish is safe to eat from the Gulf. She said that she's pretty sure she doesn't need to ask.
Howard asked if the iPhone 4 is a lemon. Robin said they do have some problems but it's selling well. She said the problem is caused by the antenna strip on the outside. She said they're talking about getting it fixed.
Howard said that everyone loved the ''George Takei's America'' special. He said he had some email about that. He had some email about the stuff they did right before their vacation. Howard read about Rachel Maddow and how smart she is and how dumb Glenn Beck is. Robin said she saw Glenn standing in front of his chalk board and it looked like a school room.
Howard said he heard all about why Glenn Beck hates Woodrow Wilson while watching his show over vacation. He and the guys spent a minute talking about that and then got back to the old clips from WPGC that Howard was playing. They had more of Glenn talking up some songs with that phony DJ voice.
Howard said that station wanted to hire him in Washington DC. He said they wanted him to do what Glenn was doing and wanted the audience to wonder when he was going to go nuts.
Howard played more of the Glenn Beck stuff. JD said that it wasn't really a ''zoo'' show either. It was Glenn Beck and the A-team. Howard had a clip of Beck talking to his traffic woman and asking her to come in looking bad one morning so he can stop saying she looks good.
JD said that Glenn does voices and the other guy in that clip was his character ''Clyde.'' Howard went back to listen to that again. He had to hear him doing the voice again. He let the clip play through and the traffic woman finished up and some other guy comes on talking and Howard wasn't sure if that was Glenn or not. It kind of sounded like him. JD said that wasn't Glenn though. That was some guy by the name of Bob Rogers. Howard said it's no wonder Glenn was a drinker.
Howard asked Robin who she liked, Glenn or Clyde. Robin said she liked Clyde. Howard said he did too. He had another clip of Glenn talking to someone about Moammar Kadafi. He said that was kind of political. Howard played that clip and Glenn took a call from a listener. Howard said that they always pre-record those calls on morning zoos. He said that they just pretend that they're taking the call live. Howard let the clip play through but it was pretty boring. Howard said it was ridiculous. He said if she called into his show he would have hung up on her.
Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about what Al Gore was wearing when he was getting his massage. She claims that he hugged her and the hug went on a little too long for her. Howard said this is her side of the story too so who knows what actually happened.
Gary came in and said that someone there, who doesn't want to be named, told him that the hug thing is the way to tell the woman that you know what goes on there. Howard asked ''So what else does Sal have to say?'' Sal got on the mic in Gary's office and said that they also take ''soft touch'' as a key word for giving a massage. Sal said he knows this from looking it up on the internet.
Gary said that Sal went on a cruise last week and got massages on the cruise and Sal was saying he hopes he doesn't get an erection. His wife wondered why that would happen. She didn't know why he would get that and Sal said he told her that it was like morning wood.
Howard said it sounded like Sal had a miserable vacation. He spent all of this money on the cruise and he wasn't getting any sex. He was also home drinking in the garage before the vacation. Howard said he asked Sal if he had turned the car on during that drinking.
Howard said he had the messages that he and Sal sent back and forth. Howard said he saw Ashley Dupre out at dinner. He said she was dreaming about his smelly balls. He said Sal laughed at that line and responded back with some line about how he should tape a Bloomingdales card on his dick so his wife would remember that he has one. He said he was going to go and jerk off to some pee porn after that.
Howard said it sounds like Sal was having the worst time. Sal was staring at his kid's bikes and thinking about all of the pussy he'll never get. Sal also wrote a note to Gary about dropping a load on her pillow and how it was a good thing she was asleep at the time.
Howard got back to the Al Gore masseuse thing. He played more of the audio of the woman talking about what Gore asked her to do. She said he asked her to massage his abdomen. She felt that went on too long. She went on to say that Gore shoved her hand down on his pubic area and brushed it against his penis. She described in detail what Gore did and how uncomfortable it was for her. She said she thinks he had an erection but she wasn't sure because he repulsed her.
Howard said that Robin likes Al Gore. Robin said he was always very boring to her. Howard said he needs some girly action. Robin said that this woman reminds him of Underdog Lady (Suzanne Muldowney). Howard said he told Gary the same thing when he heard her. She found some stains on her clothing too and she wasn't sure where they came from. She saved them though. Howard said you never know if the story is true or not. It sounds credible to him but you never know.
Howard had the audio of Gary doing that show. He played the clip and after they introduced him as ''Baba Booey'' they played him in with the song parody. Gary was trying to do his gadget stuff and didn't hear the song parody playing. Gary said he didn't find out about it until he got home. Howard said they let it play too long too. He said it was competing with Gary. Howard said Gary got really upset about it.
Steve said that the Gary cam is still not operational in Gary's office. They're working on getting the new equipment installed. They also have a story about Ronnie falling asleep at a party he was at over the vacation. They have a story about Robin's charity auction that's going on now. Steve also got in some plugs for Greg Fitzsimmons show that's on tonight at 7.
Howard said that Ralph has been tweeting and he's going to have to lecture him today. He said that Ralph commented about the shirt he was wearing at an event he was at. He said that Ralph shouldn't be commenting about his clothes. He said he should just be silent about that. He said he doesn't want to be tweeted about on his Geektime thing.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he was right about that. Jon said he's not sure why Ralph would comment on that. Howard had Jon run down his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon went through some of the stuff they were going to cover and that led to Howard talking about the guy's night at the house. Howard said he's going to have other guys over eventually but he wasn't able to have them all there at once.
Jon mentioned the Gay Rich story and Howard said that Alison is now saying that she never had that meeting and Rich is making it up. Fred said that's what she told him. He said that she told him that maybe she spoke to him at a party or something but didn't have a secret meeting with him or anything like that.
Howard ended up breaking into ''Thank You'' again with Fred after Jon mentioned that in his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard sang the song for another minute or so. Jon ran down the rest of his stuff after that. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
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Robin started off with a story about the Pentagon wondering if the military is going to have problems showering with gay men and women.
Howard took a call from Gay Rich who said that he and Alison definitely had that meeting he was talking about. He said that Alison called him up and asked him to come in to see Tony and Tina's Wedding when she was in it. He said he met with her there during the show and asked him about what happened with Fred. He said that he saw her again at another time and they hung out and talked about that stuff. He said they definitely talked about what went on with Fred at Scores. Rich said that he's writing for a local paper now and he's got some other things going on (TheBPlot.com). He said that he's enjoying life at the Jersey Shore. Howard spent a minute with him and let him go a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a woman who was found dead with sex toys in the room with her. She was half naked and she died of a heart attack that was brought on by her masturbation.
Robin read a story about Dave Chappelle flying on a private jet and acting strange. They had to land the plane early because of his behavior. Now they're saying he ate something that didn't agree with him and he had to get off early because the bathroom on the plane wasn't right for him. Howard said he might act strange if he had to shit on a plane too. Howard didn't know it was a private jet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should edit Tim Sabean out of the History of Howard Stern. He said that he sucks Howard's balls and goes overboard. Howard said Tim appreciates his talents and he goes overboard talking about him. He said he likes that. The caller doesn't like it though.
The caller asked how Jon Hein feels about Burger King's new sandwich. Jon hates Burger King. He came in and said he won't even go to Burger King. He said that they're way off the mark with this new sandwich they have. He said 9 times out of 10 they don't taste right. He said that McDonald's had the McRib and that wasn't very good so it didn't last.
Jon said that he will eat at diners and stuff but he'd prefer to go to a place that does one type of food right. Howard said he's blown away by diners and how they can make so many different types of food. He was also saying that JD is a big Filet-o-Fish guy. Jon said that he sticks to a burger and fries even when they go to a diner.
Robin said there's a new Friendly's sandwich which is a grilled cheese on the top and bottom and a cheeseburger in the middle. Howard asked how many calories that could be. Robin said she has no idea. She just heard about it recently. Howard said he hasn't been there to Friendly's in a long time. He said that would be a good last meal though.
Robin got back to her news and read about George Michael getting into some trouble. He drove his car into a photo shop after leaving a gay pride parade. Robin said the guy is a mess.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they had heard about Kelsey Grammer getting a divorce. Howard said he had. Robin said she was just about to get to that story. They talked about Kelsey and Camille and how Howard had met Camille when she was really young and dancing on MTV. She's also in ''Private Parts.'' Robin said that Kelsey moved to New York and wouldn't even let her in his apartment.
The caller also said that Roman Polanski had a meeting this morning and he's a free man because they're not going to extradite him. The caller said he would like to know how the panel would feel if it was their daughter that was raped. Howard said that guy is lucky. He knows many guys who have raped 13 year olds who are in jail now. Howard said Benjy says that it was the Swiss who are releasing him, not us. Robin said that's right because he's not here in the States.
Howard said the Lindsay Lohan story is another one they missed. Robin said she was going to bring that one up too. She's supposed to be going to jail for 90 days. Howard said the family is upset with the judge but they should be happy that the judge is going to get her straightened out. Howard had some audio of her talking to the judge about not being compliant with the court. She said she has to work and provide for herself. Howard said she just doesn't get it. She's like a little kid. Robin said that's the problem. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Michael Vick having a party and someone ended up getting shot at the party. Robin said that he's unable to travel now thanks to his probation officer. Robin said that he's missed some events already.
Robin read that BP is installing a new cap on their leaking well. She said they removed a containment cap last week and it's been spewing oil since then. They predict that up to 60,000 barrels of oil are leaking into the ocean every day.
Robin read about Fidel Castro making an appearance the other day. He's still alive at 83. Robin read some soccer news too. They spent a short time talking about that. Howard came up with some more game ideas like ''Tit Ball'' and ''Ass Ball'' that he'd like to create.
Robin read a story about the Russian spies that were discovered while they were on vacation. Robin said that everyone was shocked that they were spying on us. Meanwhile we spy on everyone too. Robin said that we spy on England and France and they're our allies.
Robin said she saw a documentary that Bill Maher did about religion and it was very good. Howard said that he saw Bill on Larry King's show telling him how great he is. He said he was being very nice to Larry and Larry was all pumped up about it. Howard said Larry is an embarrassment with his ratings and with his personal life. He said that he wishes he was on that show that night. He would have pointed that stuff out.
Robin read a story about a guy who threw a baby into traffic. Robin said they say he may have mental health issues.
Robin said a fan fell 30 feet at a stadium trying to catch a ball. He fell backwards 30 feet but he'll be alright. Robin said another fan in Louisiana fell 30 feet from a roller coaster and died. Robin said the woman was 21 years old.
Robin read a story about how important it is to screen kids for cholesterol. She said that she heard about a 22 year old guy dying of a heart attack so that stuff is out of control. Robin read some more details about that story.
Robin read that Ed Norton won't be returning as The Hulk in The Avengers movie. Robin said that Norton apparently wasn't participating creatively with the other cast members. Robin said she thinks that means he wasn't getting paid as much as he thought. Howard said he was watching a new cartoon with Superman and the Justice League that was really good. He said he watched that in bed and it felt great.
Robin read about this guy Bob Sheppard who was the announcer for the NY Yankees dying. He was 98 years old. Howard wondered what he got paid to do that. He was just working in the stadium. Gary said he's not sure what he got paid. Howard said he probably died bankrupt. No one was sure what kind of money he made. Gary said he bets he was doing okay later on in his career. He'd guess it was like 100 grand toward the end. Robin said she looked it up and she doesn't think that it was that much. It may have been closer to $60,000 a year.
Robin read a story about the box office takes for ''Despicable Me'' which made $61 million over the weekend. Jason Seagal did the movie so Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard cut it off after 5 seconds or so.
Robin read about the new Twilight movie. Howard said he saw it over vacation. He said this one was worse than the last one. He said it was so boring but he'll go to see every one of them. He's not sure why these guys are fighting over this one girl. He said she's a drip and he doesn't get it. Howard said that they just talk and talk and there's no action going on. He said there is no story there either. He explained to Robin what he knew about the movie and he said he really has no idea why they'd want this girl.
Robin read about this new Leonardo DiCaprio film that's coming out. Howard said they were offered a screening and they may have to take it. Robin said it looks good to her even though she doesn't know what it's about.
Robin read about the new Prince song that's out. Howard said he loves that no one buys his stuff now. He said the guy is talking up a storm now that no one cares. He said he puts out thousands of songs that no one cares about. Robin said that he doesn't like the internet but his song has leaked out on the web. Gary said that Prince came out saying that the internet is over and no one cares about it anymore. Right.
Robin read about Carrie Underwood getting married. She said that her husband is a hockey player. Howard said she must be good in bed if a hockey player is marrying her. Robin read some details about the marriage that took place in Georgia. She wrapped up her news after that. Howard said Robin sent him a BBM message and said she loves him. Then he found out that Robin sent that out to every one of her friends on Facebook. Howard said he thought he was the only one getting the love. Robin said that she did message him personally though. She said that she thought of Howard first and then everyone else. She said Howard was the start of it all. Howard thought she was pulling some kind of Yoko Ono thing with that. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Jon brought up Sal's knowledge of massage parlors. Sal claimed he knew this stuff from reading it on the web. They talked about how strange the whole thing seemed to be. Gary said that he would never think of hugging a masseuse.
Jon moved on to talk about the guy's night out at Howard's place. Gary said that he thinks Howard could have just as good a time without them. JD said he had a good time out there. They had some good food. JD said that Sal and Richard were asking who was there and what they did.
Sal came in and said that he found out from Scott the Engineer that they had the party. He said they heard that DePace was pissed too. Gary said that he was never asked if he didn't want DePace there. He said he would have been fine even if the was there. Gary said that he and Doug talked and hung out and it was fine. He said that he's not sure if DePace is mad at him.
Sal said that Howard didn't invite Scott the Engineer there or to dinners. He said he's fine that he wasn't invited. Gary said he thinks that Sal and Richard are a couple and Sal is dragging Richard down there with him. He said that Sal is not welcome at that house. Sal said he knows that. He knows Howard is creeped out by him.
Scott the Engineer was in the studio so the guys asked how he found out about the party. Scott said that someone was going around talking about it but he didn't say who it was. Gary said he heard that Ronnie was bummed about it because he wasn't invited either. Scott said that he may have been bummed out about it.
Gary said that maybe Howard didn't want to pull that wall down with the whole security thing. Jon asked if Ronnie has been invited to other things. Gary said he has.
Scott said this wasn't a surprise to him. He said it didn't affect him in one way or another. He said Sal and Richard were fine with it too. They all know that they're pieces of shit around there. Gary said that's not true.
Sal said he was surprised that Ronnie wasn't invited. Scott said he was kind of surprised that Tom was invited. Gary said that Tom is a poker buddy so maybe that's why he was invited. Sam Benrubi was there too so Scott said he was surprised by that as well. Scott said that was just a little surprising to him. Scott said it is a little disconcerting that he wasn't invited but two guys who haven't worked with Howard in 5 years were. Scott said he's been with the show for 25 years now. Scott said it would have been nice to go bowling with the guys since that's his game.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard actually called Jon and Gary's relationship gay today. He asked how they feel about that. Gary said he's not gay and he's not sure if Jon would be his type. Gary said that they shared the room at Howard's place because they get along very well. He said that he and Jon see each other all day and they don't bother each other.
The caller asked Sal about the massage thing and if Sal thinks that Jon gave Gary a soft massage. Sal said it's possible. Jon said that Gary was passed out by the time he went to bed. Gary said he was hammered that night. Sal said that he had some more info about a ''two cups'' thing that you do at a massage parlor. He said that's when you fill a girl's hand twice during a session. Sal was telling some stories about how he had created a game called Tokyo Delights and it turned out to be a place in New Jersey. They thought they hit the delay on it but it made it on air.
Sal went on to say that he found this web site where he finds all of this information about the massage parlors. It's called UtopiaGuide.com. Gary said it's one of those escort guides that they have discussed on the show before.
Sal said he found the massage parlors on that site and found out all of this information about the ''two cups'' thing and other stuff. He explained some of that stuff to the guys and he knows a lot about this stuff. Sal said they have tip tricks and stuff like that too. He said that you always take off all of your clothes when you get there and that gives them the hint.
Sal told the guys about how you can scam the girls into taking less of a tip by asking if Leelee is there and telling them that she took less money to do the same thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has to set an example by getting over this whole Scott DePace thing. He said they have to have some kind of team unity there. Gary said they do have that. He said he doesn't hate Scott. The caller said that he's kind of a poison pill for him. Gary said he's been mad at Scott for like 2 weeks and he's worked with him for 15. Gary said that they're handling this just fine.
Jon asked JD about Tim Sabean stopping at McDonald's on the way to Howard's place. JD said that he had nothing to do with that. JD told the guys about how Tim ordered his meal and added the Chicken McNuggets when he thought of them. He wasn't sure if Tim had been to McDonald's recently or not.
Jon asked if Tim is going to stay on that slippery slope he's on or is he going to lose weight. Gary said that he's lying to himself and Robin was right about that when she told him that this morning. Gary said that Scott the Engineer looked like he had lost some more weight. Scott said he's been toning up at the gym but he hasn't lost more.
Jon took some calls and one guy said that Sal is always a hit when he's on the show. Another caller said that JD is good on Twitter too. JD said he hasn't done much on there so far.
Another caller said that he's been to like a million massage parlors. He said Sal is all wrong. He said that if you go near a massage parlor a black guy is going to ask you if you want to have a good time. Then he's going to ask for some money and set you up with a chick. He said that he's been to some where they take you into a sauna and wash you down. Gary said that sounds like he's in a high end place. Gary said that the other places might be cheaper places. The caller asked if they're $40 places. Sal said ''ding, ding, ding, ding...'' He insists that he's just talking about what he knows from web sites and from other guys going though.
Fred showed up so Jon asked him if he'll write a book. Fred said he doesn't think he'll be doing that. Fred said he's looking forward to reading the book and comparing notes with Howard about what he read. Fred said that it's a tough thing to write a book. He saw Howard and Robin do it and now Gary too.
Gary said you have to be honest with yourself when you're writing a book. Gary said he wasn't sure if he wanted other people to know his story or not.
Jon asked Sal if he had anything to do with the channel 11 song parody thing. Sal said that he didn't even do that song. He said it may have been that guy Steve who sounds like him. Sal said he thinks that's the guy who did that song. He didn't want to take credit for it. They had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Fred about what Gay Rich said in that clip Howard played today. Fred said he emailed his wife and she didn't know what he was talking about. Fred said he thinks that someone contacted Rich to come down to Tony and Tina's wedding but it wasn't Alison. Fred said that they may have been trying to fix Rich up with a guy in the play who was gay but his wife didn't have anything to do with that. He said that maybe she saw him there after having some drinks and talked to him about Scores but she wasn't prying or anything like that. He said that Rich's story may be embellished a little bit. Fred said that his wife can't lie to him. Fred said that she will fess up and tell him about what went on at some point. He said she just can't lie.
Jon brought up the Chris Rock thing and how odd that was for Howard. Gary said he would like to know more about that and if Chris blew him off for Adam and why. He said he'd love to hear Chris' reason for why. He said he thinks that Chris would tell the truth though. Fred said he thinks that maybe Chris' wife didn't want to go and that had something to do with it.
A caller asked Gary if he thought that he had made a huge mistake when he said ''watercooler'' instead of watercolors. Gary said he didn't care that much about it.
The guys talked about their bowling game and how hyped up JD was about the game. They said that he was really looking forward to the game. Gary said that JD used to be really good and he ended up throwing the ball almost up to the ceiling. The ball got stuck on his thumb. They said it went like 10-12 feet into the air before it came crashing down.
Another caller asked the guys what their take is on Lebron James. Gary said that Howard didn't talk about what people think of Lebron in general. He said that fans in general think he's the golden boy and he kind of lost points in general for the way he did some things. They spent a few minutes talking about Lebron and how the fans thought of him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary and Fred about Howard talking about his father's 87th birthday and if Howard is ready to handle the death of his parents. Gary said that no one is ever prepared for that. Gary said that when the end comes it's really tough. Fred said his father was always sick so when the phone rang this one night when the phone never rang, he just knew what was coming. The guys agreed that you're never ready for that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the Goo Goo Dolls song that Fred played. He wondered what happened to those guys. He went on to talk about how Whoopi Goldberg was defending Mel Gibson on The View yesterday. Howard said there were some great lines in there. He had the audio to play and he said that Whoopi thinks that he's not a racist because he hangs out at her house. Howard said that he isn't going to use the N-word around her. He said that's not even definite at this point. He said that Mel may not even be able to hold back at Whoopi's house. Howard said Whoopi blames alcohol for this racist rant. He said he doesn't go into racist rants when he drinks. Robin said that sometimes the alcohol brings out who you really are.
Howard said that it's a good way to start your morning hearing this clip. Robin said that Whoopi also defended Roman Polanski with her ''rape, rape'' comment.
In the clip Whoopi was talking about how she knows that Mel isn't a racist. She said she's spent time in her house with him and her kids. She wasn't even finishing her thoughts as she told them what she was thinking. Howard said this woman is never going to have him at her house again. His agency has dropped him and now the film he's working on may go straight to DVD.
Howard said there's another tape of Mel going off on his girlfriend Oksana that he has to play today. He played some more of Whoopi defending Mel and saying that alcohol can bring this kind of thing out in a person and that's why she hates alcohol. Whoopi and the other women on the show were going back and forth on this subject for a couple of minutes.
Howard said that Mel is going to have to go to everyone's house and apologize. He said the latest tape is a masterpiece. He said he's never heard this level of anger in a human being. He said he thought he had anger issues himself but this mother fucker is out of his mind. Howard said Mel had a career and held it together for so many years. He had it all. Howard said the woman is claiming she didn't release the tape but that's kind of lame.
Howard said this is the cool thing about being on satellite because they don't have to bleep it at all. The clips were on the news last night were all bleeped.
Howard played more of the audio and Mel was screaming at this woman at the top of his lungs. He said she has no soul and she can't give a fuck. Mel was out of breath from yelling so much. It sounded like it was fake because it was so exaggerated.
Mel eventually says that she needs a bat to the side of the head. She was telling him that he needs medication. Oksana tells him that he should get meds and he tells her that he bends over backwards with his balls in a knot for her. Mel screams at her asking if she knows what ''mean'' really is. Then he breathes heavy again. He calls her a selfish bitch and tells her not to dare hang up on him. He told her that she'll hang up and Mel says he'll drive over there. It's his house and he said that he'll tell the cops to get her out of the house.
Oksana tells Mel not to spend anymore money on her. She said she fears for her daughter. She yells at Mel and he mocks her. Oksana said that Mel hits her in the face and asks what kind of man does that. She said that he's going to have to answer for this stuff some day. Mel said that he'll put her in a rose garden. He told her to get a restraining order and then asked what she's going to get one for. At the end of that clip Fred played an OJ Simpson clip where he says ''It happens...''
Howard said that was unbelievable. He said this stuff almost blew up on Mel years ago when he went off on the Jews. They somehow calmed all of that down. He read an article about Mel going off on the homosexuals years ago and how he somehow got away with that. Howard said everyone was still trying to work with the guy but now that he's used the N-word, he's done.
Howard said he read that Mel was in the middle of making a movie with Jodie Foster and he was playing a character who uses a beaver puppet to talk to people. He said he must be the only guy who could play the part. Robin said everyone else must have been too sane. Howard played a clip from the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' where Jack Nicholson goes off on his wife in a scene telling her to get a job and get out of the house. The Mel tapes reminded Howard of that clip.
Howard said that accent of Oksana could make one crazy. Robin said that he said he left his wife because he had no spiritual connection in that clip. Meanwhile it took him 20 years to realize that. Gary said it was like 7 or 8 kids too.
Howard said he knew that Mel was a piece of shit after the ''Passions of the Christ'' movie. He said he was right again while everyone thought he was being a shithead. Howard said the guy isn't being calmed down. Howard said he was reading about the bible and how you have to honor your parents and father no matter what they do. He said it's an amazing passage and whoever wrote it must have been a real bad dad. Howard said someone sent him the passage and he was reading it thinking that it was crazy that you have to honor your father no matter what they do.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who was saying that alcohol brings out the real you when you drink. He said that's what Whoopi failed to point out. Howard said that he's gotten drunk and never used the N-word. Cyrus said that Mel did movies with black guys and he must have been thinking about that stuff.
Howard said he did a movie with Chris Rock and he wonders what he's thinking about all of this. He can't imagine he'll come out and defend Mel though. Howard said he thinks he'd say something if he had him in there.
Howard let Cyrus go and took another call. The caller said that a judge filed a restraining order on Oksana saying she can't release these tapes. Now Mel's lawyers are going nuts. The caller said that Mel can now sue her for all of the money lost on the movie and a lot of other stuff. The caller said that he might not do that because of his kids. Robin said they have to prove that she released them. Howard said that it was her answering machine that they were recorded on. Robin said that other people may have had the tapes and it's possible that she didn't have anything to do with them being released.
Robin said she thinks that Mel is incredibly wealthy and he may just go paint or something after this. Howard wondered if he can turn this whole thing around. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said Hollywood can survive without him.
Howard let that caller go and talked about all of the N-word stories that are in the news now. He said that he never had the word in his head but now he does. He said it's fucked up.
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Howard had JD come in to talk about this. He said they have to see the real JD so he didn't warn him about it ahead of time.
Howard said that JD needs a woman. He said he hung out with him on vacation and he can see he needs someone. Howard showed what JD was going to be doing and JD wondered if he really looks like he did in the picture. Howard said he has gained a few pounds so he has a double chin now. Robin said that may wake him up so he can lose some weight.
Howard said JD is going to get to meet a bunch of girls and talk to them for 2 minutes at a time. JD didn't sound so thrilled about the whole thing. Howard said JD is going to get to pick a girl but the girl also has to pick JD.
Gary said that after they're done the girls have to fill out a form evaluating JD. JD said he doesn't want that. Howard said he has scratches and scabs on his arms from picking at himself. Robin asked if he's a 15 year old girl. JD told them to stop. He said it's just a thing he does. He picks at his thumbs the most. Howard said he's like his cat. They need to give him some pills.
Howard thought JD would be thrilled with this. JD wasn't so thrilled. Howard said JD needs to get out there and date more. He said he gets 2 minutes with each girl. He said he's not going to do this in private. Howard said he didn't tell him about this because he didn't want him getting all nervous. Fred said he'd be picking his arms off.
Howard said he heard JD has a Twitter account. JD said he just started it a few days ago. He said he hasn't done that much on there so far. He's been re-tweeting The Onion stories and stuff.
JD said that everyone else there was on Twitter so he figured he'd try it out. Howard said that JD could be working instead of posting stories. JD said he's not doing it that much. Howard checked out his Twitter feed @JDHarm and read some of the posts he had on there.
Howard asked JD about the picking at his arms and also talked about how he hung out with JD at his house. He said he was pretty comfortable there. JD said he wasn't that comfortable. JD said Howard is a great host but he's not one to go anywhere. JD said he had a fine time but he doesn't go out that much. He doesn't like being in the way of other people. Howard said he wasn't in the way. JD said that's just the way he is. He thinks he's in the way. Howard said he likes hanging out with JD.
Howard said he and JD talked for a long time at his house. He said that they talked about Artie for a short time. They also talked about JD's roommate's blind dog. JD said Howard also caught his napkin on fire. Howard said he threw his napkin on the table and it hit a candle and caught on fire. Howard said he didn't yell out the N-word when it caught fire either like Mel Gibson might do. Howard said it ruined the napkin too.
JD was goofing on Howard for pushing the Tiramisu he had for desert. He said Howard was asking everyone about trying it.
Howard said JD had some circles on his arms that were odd looking. Howard said the guy is a good guy and he needs to find a good woman to relax him.
Howard asked JD about the marks on his arms and if he knows what they are. JD said he doesn't know but he said they could be mosquito bites that he's had over the years. Fred did his JD impression and said that he got them down in the Panama Canal. Robin said it looks like he lives in a swamp. Howard told them to leave JD alone.
Howard said JD will have some fun today when they do this speed dating thing. He said he can talk to the girls and they'll go through them all one after the other.
JD said that the TV guys picked the worst picture of him. He said he looks like a sex offender. Howard told JD to go back to work and they'll get to him in an hour or so. He may meet the woman of his dreams today.
Howard talked about some of the stuff he was saying about Larry and how he didn't know what a ''smock'' was when this reporter had asked him about Larry's quote. Howard figured it was schmuck when this woman asked him about it. Howard said he's not even sure if that's what it was. He said the reporter may not have known that word though.
Howard talked about how Larry has treated him over the years and what a phony he is. Howard said that Larry was really turned on by Beth when he saw her. Howard said he was gazing into her eyes this one time he brought her over to his show. Howard said Larry told one of his people to have her sit in the studio to watch him do the show. Howard said Larry never let anyone sit in the studio before. He actually had them put a seat in his studio so she could see him work. Howard said it was very weird and made him feel weird. He said he thought Larry was in heat or something.
Howard said that Larry shook his hand after the interview and then went right over to Beth to see if she enjoyed the show. Robin said that Larry is there for any attractive woman. It doesn't matter if he's married or not.
Howard goofed on Larry for a minute and said he thinks that he'll be able to find some kind of work after he leaves CNN. Howard said he should be able to get one of those commercials where he sells gold coins or something. He said he'd hate to see G. Gordon Liddy lose that job though. Howard said Larry could do some commercials for life insurance since he looks like he's dead already.
Howard said that Jay Leno is the kind of guy who will take any role in any movie he's asked to be in. Howard said he's been offered roles like that ''5 gabillion times'' but he's turned them all down. Howard said he turns them down because he has pride.
Howard said that Larry King doesn't open his mouth about anyone but him. He said the guy is a douche. He said anyone who wants to get outrageous always brings up his name. Howard said the guy is a nothing. Robin said that Howard is the only one who has pointed out the lies that Larry tells. Howard said he has to point that stuff out. He lied about knowing Sandy Koufax. Howard said that Larry calls him tasteless but Larry is the one who is tasteless.
Howard said Larry treats women like shit. He wonders why no one is talking about that like they are with Mel. Howard said he should date Mel Gibson's ex so she can tape him.
Howard said he doesn't even have a card to get in the studio. Howard said he wants to know how Greg got in there.
Gary told Howard he won't say who put it there but they're going to need a new Program Director. Howard said that they can't fire him. Howard said he's glad he didn't have Greg over to his house now. He said Greg asked him to write the foreword to his new book. Howard read the note where Greg asked him to do that. Howard didn't sound thrilled about that.
Howard said that Greg even knows it's a pain in the ass for him so why did he ask? Howard said he should just print this card as the foreword. Howard said he has the same stationary that Greg has. He got it from Tiffany.
Howard said he likes Greg but this is bullshit. He said he doesn't want to write the foreword to his book. He said he talked about how he hates doing that and he won't do it. Howard said he won't even write it for Baba Booey's book. He said he told Gary not to even ask him.
Howard said Greg is a good guy but he must not listen to the show like he claims he does. He said he has talked about how he hates writing the foreword to books. He said he doesn't know Greg all that well. He said that he may not even have a big enough name to write a book. That led to Howard goofing on Gary's book that he had to read over vacation.
Howard goofed on Gary for a few minutes about his book and the stories he tells in that. Howard said this is his producer talking about the jobs he had. Gary said that they didn't all start out brilliant like Howard did. He pointed out that Howard was a cook when he was young. Howard said he wasn't a cook, he was a dishwasher. Howard said Gary has a whole chapter on working with Roz Frank. He said he's going to recommend this book as a must read for the summer.
Howard said that he's had a bunch of people ask him to write the foreword for their books. Artie did it. Ratso did it. He said he wrote some stuff for Ratso and even his agent just said it was ''alright.'' Howard said he doesn't need that kind of pressure. Howard asked if he's going to have to write a profile on Shuli next for Heeb magazine.
Howard said that Shuli isn't in Heeb magazine but that's probably his dream. Howard said that they claim that they love Jews but you don't call your magazine ''Heeb'' if you love Jews. Robin wondered when ''Nigga'' magazine is coming out.
Howard said he wanted to go home and it was only 8 after 7. Howard said he has to go home and write a foreword to Greg Fitzsimmons' book. Howard came up with some stuff he could throw in there and wasn't able to come up with much more than just knowing Greg and that he works for his channel. Howard told him to have his kids write the foreword. He said he could write about how he has to wash his kid's mouth out with soap. He said he could also talk about how he's had Greg sit in during the news. Howard said his book is probably going to be good but he shouldn't ask him to write the foreword. Robin told Howard to just transcribe the Mel Gibson tapes and use that as the foreword.
Robin said she has a friend who asked her to read his book. Howard told her she has to read Gary's book too. Robin said she knows.
Howard said he likes Greg and he's a great talent but he can't do this foreword thing. He doesn't want Greg to think he doesn't like him. Robin said that he shouldn't have told them what was in that note. That way he could have quietly turned it down. Howard said he can't do that. He said his shrink has told him how to do stuff like this but he's sick of that shrink. He said he doesn't like hearing it from that guy. Howard said he was in the guy's office yesterday and he was freezing. He said it's really a waste of his time going there. He said he's a maniac and he's not getting any better. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he was listening to the big fight on The Bachelor between Jake and Vienna. Howard said that he's going to show why this show is so excellent by playing the clip for everyone. Howard said that Mel Gibson clip might be a little bit better though.
Howard said that all of the top 5 songs in the country feature artists other than the original artist. He said everyone is collaborating now. He said that it used to be called a duet but now it's just ''featuring.'' Robin said they're not really duets. They're just other artists singing or performing in the songs.
Howard played the top 5 songs that had other artists ''featuring'' in them. Howard said he should put out a song featuring Tarzan. Fred was playing those Tarzan yells during the songs so Howard said he loved that clip and the yell that Tarzan did. He said he would say the same thing to the animals when he needed them. He said it was always ''Ungawa'' kind of like they use ''Hey Now!'' on the show. It works for everything.
That led to Howard talking about how their dog, Bianca, was having problems during vacation. She has severe arthritis. It just showed up out of nowhere. Howard said they're bummed about that. He said that she won't die from it but now they have to give her shots every week. Howard said it's so sad because they love the dog so much. Robin said it's like having a senior citizen living in the house when you have to do that.
Howard said the dog is a good sport about it but he was down about it yesterday when he found out the news. He said he was laying on the floor with the dog and kissing her on the head. He said that's a big deal for a germophobe. He said he didn't kiss her on the mouth though.
Howard said he was bummed out and petting the dog. He said he wanted Beth to see how compassionate he was but she didn't walk in the room. Robin asked Howard how long it takes for him to switch over to that mode hoping that someone will see him being compassionate. Howard said it takes about 30 seconds. Howard said he really is a horrible person and Larry King was right.
Howard said he can't even enjoy his moment. He said it's a waste if no one is watching. He said that Beth thinks that he's not as compassionate as she is. He said she never sees him being compassionate. Robin said that's not what life is about. She said that she's exhausted from this and she can't imagine how the psychiatrist is dealing with Howard. Howard said the guy is taking off the whole month next month. He said he'd have to do that too.
Lisa said that they also spoke to Adam Levine from Maroon 5 about Howard. Howard said that guy can really sing. They spoke to Adam about the Wack Pack contest that they had before they went on vacation and the winner hasn't been on the show yet. Howard said they just had the contest before they went on vacation.
That led to Robin and Howard talking about how Jeff the Drunk has been hanging out there lately and he's gotten really fat. Howard said he saw him sitting in the ''cafe'' they have there. It's really just a table and chairs but they call it a cafe. Howard said he saw Jeff and the guy has gotten really big. Robin said she almost didn't recognize him because he's so big. Robin said he's got a big bull frog thing on his neck. Howard said the guy must weigh 100 more pounds than usual. Howard said it's really weird looking. Howard said his hair is white and he's huge.
Howard said he spent a few seconds talking to the guy but didn't have much to say. He said that Jeff was almost normal in a way. He said that he was just there for an IQ test. Howard said that he was eating 3 pieces of sausage pizza before the IQ test.
Lisa said they caught up with a couple of the Jersey Shore stars who they ran into there at SIRIUS. They're huge fans of the show and they'd like to be on the show. Their new season is starting up soon. Howard said he doesn't know much about the show. Robin said she doesn't either. She said she may have seen some of them out in the lobby but she wasn't sure.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that the neck thing he has is healing. He said it's getting better. Howard asked what it is. Jeff said they just said it's fatty tissue. Howard said that's just what Jeff needed. Jeff said it just went away on its own. Howard said it didn't go away.
Robin had mentioned that Jeff's eyes look two different ways. Jeff said he doesn't know what she's talking about. Robin said she wasn't sure which one to look at. Jeff said it's crazy. Howard asked Jeff how much more he weighs than usual. Jeff said that he weighs 280 pounds. Howard said he thought so. Jeff said it's actually 279.
Howard asked how long the IQ test took. Jeff said it was like an hour and a half. He said he thinks that he did pretty good on it too. Howard said Jeff might not be that dumb. He said that his emotional health has nothing to do with how smart you are. Howard let Jeff go and then said he didn't want to get involved with his brother so he just let him go. They had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Sal and Richard were busting balls with a Tradio guy again. Howard said that the guy knows who they are now so they call them out by name. Howard played the clip and it was actually a Swap and Shop show. Sal was on the line just repeating after the host. Then Richard did the same. Richard and Sal did it a few times and then the host called them out by name. The host said he knows they're having a hard time on satellite these days. the host said he knows that satellite radio is going down.
Howard played the clip from The Wrap Up Show where Gary claims he said ''chew down.'' Sal was talking about how you can talk a girl down in cost if you go to a massage parlor. Gary then says that Sal is ''chewing'' them down. Howard said that's Baba Booey for you. Gary said he doesn't know what that means. Howard said when you have teeth like Gary you must ''chew'' them down instead of ''Jewing'' them down. Gary said he's heard the expression and he's sticking with it.
Howard said Gary calls black people ''Miggers'' too. Howard said Gary is upset about that and it's funny. Howard said that he's never heard of ''chewing'' down. Fred played Gary's ''Baba Booey'' clip a few times and some Baba Booey song parodies while he was in there.
Howard said that Gary told him that some of his best friends are ''Chews.'' Howard goofed on Gary about that for a minute and then had to move on to the speed dating game.
Amber said that guys have to send in a photo of their penis if they want to be involved with Hung night. She said they have to measure from the base. She said they turn away many more men than women away from that event. She said they have a teacher night too and that's very popular. Amber said they have a non-practicing Jew night as well.
Howard said they wanted to try this out on JD because he's kind of nerdy. Amber said JD is a great guy and this is going to be perfect for him. Howard said JD needs a confidence booster and this might work. Amber said they brought in 4 different women for JD and they're great candidates for him.
Howard had JD come in to meet Amber. JD came in and said hi to Amber. Howard said that maybe JD isn't the greatest conversationalist. This might help.
Howard asked Amber what JD can do. She told JD to just be himself. Howard said that might not be the best advice. JD said he can't be anyone else. Howard told JD to be someone else. JD said maybe they can bring Jared in there to be him.
Amber told JD that he shouldn't dominate the conversation. Howard said that won't be a problem. Amber said that the first woman is Polina and she's from Russia. She said they met her at a Gentlemen Prefer Blondes event. Howard asked if she has a green card. Amber said she does. JD introduced himself to Polina and asked her a few questions about what she does. She's a nanny. She watches a 6 and 9 year old. She lives in Brooklyn near where JD lives. JD asked if she's done this before. She said that she did it once. JD figured it didn't work out too well since she's there. JD spent a little longer asking questions about what she likes to do. The two minutes was up pretty quick.
Howard spent a minute talking to Polina after the dating thing. Howard asked Amber what happens next. Amber said that they'd usually just rotate to the next person but Polina is going to go out and fill out her form about JD. Howard said she's very attractive and he'd go out with her. JD thought she was very cute but almost more shy than him. Howard said he should have asked her if she was attracted to him. Amber said that sometimes the daters will hit it off in 2 minutes and go off and make out in the bathroom.
A caller said that was the longest 2 minutes of his life. He asked why the woman didn't ask JD any questions. JD was dominating the conversation. Amber thought it was kind of an interrogation more than anything.
Amber introduced Carmella who is Philippino and a ''sexy nerd.'' JD said she was a very sexy nerd. He asked her if she likes sexy nerds or is she one. She said she was a total dork in school. She said that she's a nerd too. Carmella told JD about her life a little bit. JD asked her what type of nerdy things she does now. Carmella said she reads a lot. JD said he doesn't read. He likes Fantasy Baseball, video games and things. He said he likes baseball and Tiger Woods video games. JD and Carmella talked about sports like soccer and hockey which JD doesn't like. Their two minutes were up so Howard let Carmella go a short time later.
Howard said he might have to do this with Robin. Robin said no to that. Amber asked what Robin's dating requirements are. Robin said the personality thing is a deal breaker for her. She said they have to have a sense of humor. Howard asked if Amber could get some guys in there for her. Amber said they just have to find out what kind of guy she likes. Howard said Robin is with this guy John who is a black tycoon. He's like Steadman with a job. Robin said she doesn't know who this John guy is that he's talking about. Amber said she has men that Robin would be into.
Amber said that the next woman was Elle and she's been to a Star Trek convention before. Howard said she was beautiful and she had big breasts. Howard let JD do his thing with her. JD said that he's not into Star Trek. He asked Elle if she was that into it. She said she's not that into it and it was just a fun thing they did many years ago with the family. Elle was from Wisconsin and did her Wisconsin accent for JD. JD asked her if she lives there in the city. She lives in Queens. JD asked what she does for fun and stuff like that. Elle seemed to find JD funny. She said that he sounds funny to her. JD ran out of time in the middle of a question.
Howard said that love hasn't happened yet for Elle. He asked her how she got involved in this. She said a gay friend got her into it. She said that she thought about dating a fire fighter and she tired it out with that. Howard said Elle is going to go out and fill out the form about JD now. Howard said he likes this speed dating thing. He said he'd do it if he was single. He said he dated like 1000 women in a couple of weeks when he was single. He said he'd call that ''speed fucking'' instead of speed dating though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD is hard to listen to. JD said he didn't ask to do this. He told the guy to turn off his radio if he didn't want to hear it.
Another caller said that the girls should start lap dancing him toward the end of the segment. Howard said the girls aren't like that. More callers said that this is a great segment. One guy said he was missing a flight this morning because he had to listen to this.
Howard had Amber bring in the next girl. Amber got in a plug for her web site, OnSpeedDating.com, first. She said they have some events coming up and they'd like to see some of Howard's fans show up. Howard asked how many of these things work out. Amber said they have a lot of success and people do meet and hook up.
Amber introduced the next woman, Anne, and had her come in. She likes guitar Hero and she likes the Godfather movie. JD was sold as soon as he heard Guitar Hero. JD and Anne talked about their careers. Anne is going into gynecology and JD mis-heard that. Anne is in medical school right now. Anne asked JD if he's nervous around celebrities. JD said he's nervous around everyone. He said he can barely talk right now. JD was stumbling and unable to speak to her. He asked her how many times she's seen ''The Godfather.'' She said she's seen it maybe 10-15 times. She also said that she has played a lot of Guitar Hero and Rock Band. She said she's good at it and played in Expert mode. That seemed to impress JD. They ran out of time after that.
Howard said he's never heard a date like that. Howard said this broad is really good looking and she's going to be a doctor. Howard asked if she has done this before. She said she has signed up but hasn't gone yet.
Gary told Howard that they were going through pictures and figured this girl couldn't be real. She's actually cuter than she was in her pictures. She got a 1500 on her SAT tests and Howard said that wasn't that good. It actually was very good. Howard said that's about what JD's salary is every year.
Howard asked Anne if she's into chicks. She said she's not. She hasn't made love to any women. Howard spent a minute with Anne and then sent her out to fill out her form. Howard said he hopes to see her at their parties and things when JD starts dating her.
Amber said she saw some chemistry with JD and the last two girls. Howard asked JD what he's thinking. JD said Polina was very shy and he's not into that. Amber said JD can pick any girl he wants. She said that they can sign him up with whoever he liked. Howard said that the girls have to have a say in it too though.
Howard said JD is fuckin retarded to say that girl was too shy. JD said she was hot. He said he's shy too and it was too shy for him. Howard said that anyone who is breathing should be good enough for him.
Amber asked about Carmella. JD said he wasn't attracted to her. He said he wasn't into the tattoos that much. Howard said he's gay. Amber asked about the third girl. JD said he liked her. She had big boobs. JD said he was mildly interested. He said that he might see her again. Howard said he has to decide if he wants to go on a date with her. JD said he was most interested in Anne. Amber told him to try going out with more than one girl. JD said he might. Howard said he seems to be into number 4 but she may not be into him according to Robin.
Howard asked JD about number 4. JD said that she was very attractive and he loves that she likes Guitar Hero. He said that any girl into that is hot. JD said that you don't play Guitar Hero on expert as a goof. He said he thinks she's very into it.
Howard said it sounds like JD is very focused on Anne. He said that he thinks he should try all four though. Howard said Anne seemed to be into JD too. Amber said maybe they can bring in the girls and their forms to find out what they thought of JD.
Howard asked Polina what she thought of JD. She found him funny and she would ''maybe'' go out with him. Howard asked Carmella what she thought. Carmella said she thinks he's friend material. Howard then asked Elle what she thought of JD. Elle said she would go out with JD but drinks would be involved. She thinks that they would laugh a lot of he had some drinks. Howard then asked Anne what she thought of JD. Anne said she didn't get a chance to talk at all. She said she would like go to out with him to get to know him. Howard and Robin sounded shocked. Robin told JD that once she gets to know him then it'll be over. Robin said she was kidding about that.
Howard said that JD was only interested in one person. That person was Anne. Howard said that JD found them all attractive but fell for Anne the most. Howard asked Polina if she was disappointed. She said ''not really...'' Howard said the truth was coming out. Howard asked Elle if she was upset about that. She said that she was a little. Howard asked Anne if she would go on a date with JD. She said she would so it was kind of working out for JD. They're going to have to cover the date though. JD didn't like that part of it.
Howard took some calls and one guy asked what kind of dates they can go on that don't cost a lot. Amber said that you can date in ways where you just hang out in the park or something like that.
Hanzi called in and said that JD did a good job today. He said that Robin is cock blocking him too. He said that he'd like to know if there's a dating service for unemployed Pakistani people. Howard hung up on him before he could find out.
Another caller said that JD should have picked all four just in case it doesn't work out with the first one. Amber said that they make this a very low pressure thing and they can set up dates with anyone else they're interested in.
Amber asked JD what he wants to do on a date. Howard said he wants to drag her to his apartment and tie her up. JD said he'd do dinner and a movie. Amber said that a movie isn't a good move. She said you don't get to talk at a movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked JD what's wrong with him. He said he sounds like the biggest fruit in the room. The guy told her that this chick can even show JD where a pussy is. Howard asked if gynecologists know more about sex if they know more about that area. Anne said that they know how to give birth really well.
Amber asked if Anne had vajazzled. Anne said it sounded very intriguing but she hadn't done that. A caller asked if JD is going to relax on the date. Howard said he probably will. He was very relaxed at his house.
Another caller told JD to whip it out and show the girls what they're missing out on. Howard said he would have played the odds with the girls if he were JD. Howard said he could have tried all four instead of just one. Howard said they were very brave to do this speed dating thing. Howard said JD is very particular but he liked them all himself. Howard said that was speed dating and he liked it.
Howard gave Amber a plug for her web site, OnSpeedDating.com, and Amber said that you can use the code Howard to get a discount. That was good for the first 100 Howard Stern fans who signed up. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he really liked that speed dating thing. He said JD should have picked the first girl. He said he saw a picture of her in a bikini and she was hot. Fred said that the girls were too nice for JD and he was blowing right by some of them. Fred said that Elle was too nice to him and he kind of pissed on her. Fred said that number one would have been good because she works with kids and that would work for JD. He said that number 2 was too wild for JD.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Elle was probably the best pick for JD. Howard said if he was single he'd be engaged to number 4. He said that all of the girls were good and he thought JD would say that he'd date them all.
Fred said he thinks that Anne is going to ignore JD halfway through dinner. Robin doesn't think they'll even get to dinner. Howard said he agrees with Robin. Fred said that JD always sets himself up for an impossible task like dating Ashley Dupre.
Howard said they haven't been able to get many big names for this new season of the show. Tila was the only ''big name'' that they had so far. Howard said they had some pretty big names last season.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the dating thing was a great segment. He said that JD doesn't need guitar hero to get laid. Howard said he knows that you can't talk to chicks about Guitar Hero to get laid. The caller said that Gary has become a big pussy lately and he's been crying about a lot of stuff. Howard said he's right. He said he had to talk him down about something that he hasn't mentioned on the air. Gary didn't want to talk about it.
Howard said he was good with Gary but he's getting to be like one of his kids. Gary said he asked him about one thing. Howard told him that he has to let him talk about this thing. Gary said he'll come in and talk about it then.
Howard said Gary called him the other day and asked him about some guest stuff. Gary said that they were talking about the guest thing and then Howard asked if he was okay. Gary said he had some things on his mind and Howard asked what it was. Usually Howard would hang up. Howard said Gary was complaining about how he started in with the IQ test thing. Gary said there was another thing too. He said this was fine to talk about. Gary thought Howard was going to talk about this weird message he got from someone that bothered him. Howard didn't even remember that discussion. Gary wrote it down and Howard said he won't talk about that.
Howard said Gary was bummed about the IQ test thing and didn't want to take the test. Scott DePace got on his mic and said he knew it. Howard said that Scott is very predictable because Gary knew he was going to get on mic and say something.
Howard said he told Gary he doesn't have to take the test. Gary said he got over it and he's going to take it. Howard said Gary is going to take it and Scott doesn't have to worry about that. Gary said that he keeps changing the date because he has other things going on.
Howard said that Gary's other thing he's not going to talk about. He said it has something to do with tweeting. Howard said that people write terrible things back to Gary about his tweeting. Gary said that it's just another place to feel bad about himself. Howard said everyone in the office is tweeting and he sees that they have nothing going on in their lives. Howard said that they get on and tweet and Gary was getting hammered. He said that they're not paying Gary to do this. Gary said the book company asked him to do that.
Howard said Gary loves to talk and that should be enough for him. Howard told him that he should just talk to his wife instead. Gary said that he can tweet if he wants to. He should be able to do anything he wants to. Howard said he's not going to go on Twitter and give all of his thoughts there. Gary said Howard is different though. Howard said that it's a waste of time for Gary to do that.
Howard and Gary talked about Robin's tweets and how Robin had told Howard how she loved him but then tweeted that she loves everyone. Howard said that ruined it for him.
Howard told Gary to just take the IQ test and move on. He said he could just avoid that and the tweeting and he'd be fine. Gary said he hasn't tweeted since they spoke. Howard said you'd think he was Einstein after he gave that advice to Gary. Howard said that he was on Facebook and he canceled it. Howard said he sent maybe one or two messages and that was it. He said he's not on there anymore.
Howard said that Gary can do what he wants. He said he's giving him permission to make his own decisions there. Howard said he feels like a genius after he talks to Gary. He said it's very easy to tell Gary what's wrong and how to fix it. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that he just got Howard TV back after a year or so. He said that you have to see Medicated Pete and Little Lupe on there. Howard said Little Lupe is great. He said he's still upset that Dave Lampert didn't make it in there when Lupe was there. Howard said they're working on getting her back in there with Dave.
Howard said they are working on an I Love Lupe parody. He said it would be a great sitcom. The caller also said that Howard has to make up with Joe Rogan because he was great on the show. Howard said he loves Joe but Joe has a problem with him. He said he's gone over the story before and Joe has a problem with him.
Howard let the caller go and said that he will do the I Love Lupe parody eventually. Howard said that he'd play Ricky of course. That's as far as he's gotten with it though.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Ronnie the Limo Driver being pictured with a penis straw in his mouth at High Pitch Mike's party and he's upset about the photo. Howard checked out the picture and said Ronnie has something on his forehead.
Ronnie came in and said he was there to have fun and he expected that stuff not to end up on the show. He said you can't just have fun. Ronnie said that this guy, Steve, just keeps digging into it. They also caught Mike kissing Ronnie. They had audio of that moment. Steve didn't even know about that. Howard said it was full on kissing too. There was a lot of gay on gay stuff going on there. Ronnie said it was a gay party. He said he got some lingerie for Mike for his birthday.
Steve said that Riley Martin is threatening to quit his show again if he doesn't get a raise. They also have a story about Gary going out to Hershey Park with his family over the vacation. Steve also got in a plug for Jackie the Joke Man's show that's on tonight on Howard 101 at 7.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard asking Robin if she would ever do a dating game. Robin said she will do it if they do a Bachelorette type of show. Howard said that the Howard TV guys have to get that together. Doug Goodstein said he's not sure he can make it happen. Doug doesn't think that Robin will commit to it. Doug said they did a video for her and her cats and they barely got 5 seconds with her. Doug said it was very hard to work with her. Robin said they worked just fine with that cat video and she was available. She said it was a 3 minute video and she worked things out.
Fred kept playing Robin's ''I need a cock!'' audio clip during that discussion. Robin told him to stop it. Doug told Robin that she'd have to commit to a 2 week production schedule if they do this dating game. Robin said she's always been available for work. She asked when she hasn't been available. Howard said that he was thinking Doug isn't a can-do kind of guy. He said that he should have a meeting with Robin at least.
Howard said Doug blew his budget on a bunch of other stuff. Doug said they're doing a special with Jim Breuer today. That's the top 25 celebrity guests of all time. Howard said they should have this dating game ready for the fall schedule. He said he'd be all over it if they did that.
Howard told Doug to get to work and had Jon Hein finish up his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon had a few more things on his list.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that someone from Ferrall's show is in love with Robin and they should set them up. Howard said that they'll set him up for this game. Howard said the guy is into Robin and he's a good looking guy. Howard said he can imagine Robin going out with him and making out on camera. Howard hung up on Mariann as she was screeching out her love for him.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said that George Steinbrenner just died. Robin said she got the note too. She said that he died this morning. Robin said that he suffered a massive heart attack. He had his 80th birthday on July 4th and this Sunday night he went to the hospital with a heart attack. Robin said that Harvey Pekar died too. Howard said that guy seemed to have a miserable life. Robin said Paul Giamatti played him in ''American Splendor.'' Howard said the curse seems to have reversed and everyone is dying when they get back from vacation.
Robin read a story about an 18 year old girl who hung herself shortly after texting her dad asking for help. Her step-father found her hanging 6 hours later.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that guys say that they'll fuck you in the ass when you get mad and Mel Gibson seems to be like that with his rants. Howard said that saying the ''pack of nig**rs'' line is really out there though. He said it's not the same thing as saying that you're going to fuck a guy in the ass when you get mad at them. Wheels said that they always refer to black guys fucking you in the ass when you hear someone is going to jail. Robin said that it's not in any other context though so it's racist the way Mel said it.
Wheels asked Howard how many times he banged his wife over vacation. Howard said it was under 10 times. He said Beth was sick a couple of times and he was off his game. Howard said he can't force her to do anything. Wheels asked who he can force if he can't force her. Howard said there was one week where they were outside and he told her they had to go upstairs to fuck. They did that a few days in a row but then that stopped for a few days too.
Wheels said that girl should have speed dating for guys in wheelchairs. He also asked Howard if he saw True Beauty last night. Howard hadn't seen it yet. He said that he has a problem with his cable company. He said he has issues with his cable and the shows are stopping and starting. He said every 2 minutes or so his picture freezes. Robin said he has a problem that has nothing to do with cable. Howard said it's Time Warner Cable. Robin said she has the same thing and she doesn't have that problem anymore.
Wheels told Howard that he has to stop using his name. He thinks that he gets ripped off because of who he is. Howard said he's probably right about that.
Wheels also told Howard that he should let him write Greg's foreword. Howard told him to do it. He said he's going to do that from now on. Howard said that everyone listening now will know that it was Wheels who wrote it. Howard said he should said ''Howard Stern's foreword featuring Wheels'' like they do with songs. He told Wheels to get busy with the foreword now.
Robin said that they're remaking Arthur with Russell Brand and she saw a picture that makes it look like it won't work. Howard said he thinks that he can pull it off. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Robin read that Spencer Pratt is homeless. She said it couldn't happen to a better person. Robin said that the iPhone is having issues and Consumer Reports can't recommend it. Howard said he agrees with the poor reception with AT&T. He said he has Verizon now and it's great. When he had a Blackberry on AT&T he'd drop calls all the time. Howard said he brought that AT&T phone to Las Vegas and he wasn't able to make a call from the casino. He said his daughter handed him her shitty phone and it worked. He said he switched to Verizon and he can make calls from basements.
Robin said that John Stamos was in the news. Howard said he read about that. Robin said John was brought into some case where some people were trying to extort money from him. Robin said they claimed to have pictures of him with cocaine and strippers. They were trying to get $680,000 out of Stamos. The FBI claims they never found any pictures when they searched the home for the pictures.
Robin read that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have announced they're going on the Master Cleanse diet that Robin was on at one time.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to sell her baby by making random phone calls to people. Another story was about a 14 year old boy who was suing an airline for not protecting him while on a flight. He was pursued by some woman sitting next to him.
Robin read a story about a baseball card that's up for auction. It's a Honus Wagner card and they've been known to sell for up to $2.8 million.
Robin read about how someone is trying to bring Playboy back to a private company.
Robin read about how the work force in this country is going to be cut down as more baby boomers are retiring. Robin said that a slew of jobs should be coming on line in the future.
Robin read about how this Mel Gibson stuff is causing him to lose fans. She said that people are saying they won't go see his movies after these clips came out.
Robin read about how the President's approval ratings have been dropping. Howard said that some people who were really up about this guy have started to get upset so he knows that it's bad when that happens.
Robin read that they're doing some pressure testing on the new cap for the Gulf oil spill. This has been leaking since April 20th. Howard said they're afraid of ruining the well because they plan on reopening it to cash in on the oil.
Howard said it seems like more people are into Mel Gibson than are into the President. Robin said it was close.
Robin read some news about Lawrence Taylor going to court over his charges of rape. Robin said that if he's found guilty he could face four years behind bars.
Robin read about Roman Polanski and how the L.A.P.D. isn't giving up on trying to get him extradited to the United States. Polanski was released by the Swiss police. Robin said the woman who was raped at 13 just wants the whole thing to go away. Robin said it would have gone away if Roman had come back and served his time.
Robin read that Oprah Winfrey is having an unauthorized biography made about her life. Robin said it will be a TV movie or mini-series. Howard asked Robin if she would play Oprah if they asked her to. Robin said she would try to work it into her schedule if they wanted her. Howard said he heard they approached Gabourey Sidibe for the role but told her she'd have to gain weight.
Robin read about David Stern's comments about Lebron James' decision to move to the Miami Heat. She also had some comments from Jesse James about the move. Howard said he agrees with Jesse Jackson on this. Robin said that they've fined the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers for his comments about Lebron.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth looks so good on the True Beauty show that he wanted to bang her. He said he's never found her attractive before. Howard said he wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. The caller also asked if he saw the stripper at the end of True Blood that got eaten in the car. He said she was amazing looking. Howard said that she was hot. Howard and the caller talked about that for a minute.
The caller gave Robin and F, Marry, Kill game with Mel Gibson, Daniel Carver and Roman Polanski. Howard said he thins that she'd kill Roman, fuck Daniel and marry Mel. Robin said this is horrible. She can't imagine being with any of them. Robin said she would probably kill Daniel Carver. She said she'd probably marrying Mel Gibson and fucking Roman. Gary said that JD just came to him with another 6 minute phone call of Mel Gibson's so that might influence Robin's decision.
Robin read about Barbara Walters going into surgery and talking about it on The View. She had some audio of her talking about being fully recovered but she wasn't back at work yet. Robin had some audio of Barbara talking about the surgery and how that went. Howard said he hates hearing old people talking about their surgery.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama talking about how people can be more healthy by moving around more. She suggested dancing around in your living room while listening to music on the radio. Howard said he'd get thrown in jail if he did that.
Robin read about Miley Cyrus talking about her final season of Hannah Montana. Howard said that once she's done with that she can get really slutty. Robin had some audio of Miley talking about that. Howard said he watched her whole special. He did fast forward through a lot of it though. Howard said he thinks that she's going to go nuts and show nips and beav' when she's done with Disney. He was goofing on her voice and said that there's no way she's going to be able to hold on to a man with that rap.
Robin said they were talking about the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie ''Inception'' yesterday and she had some audio of one of the stars talking about what the movie is about. Howard said they can get a screening of it tomorrow but he's not sure he wants to do that. Howard played the clip but the girl had no idea what the movie was about.
Howard played the audio where Mel was arguing with his girlfriend about money. Mel was saying that she doesn't have money and it's all his money. Oksana was saying that Mel seems to own her. Mel was telling Oksana to fire the nanny because he doesn't want to pay for her. Mel said that he will fire her himself. He was also talking about the ''wetbacks'' in this clip. Howard said he's upsetting one group after the other.
Howard played more of the audio and Mel was saying that Oksana is a using whore. She said that she gave him a child. Mel said she's nothing but a bitch and she would have done it for anyone. Oksana said that she hasn't been with any other man. He was calling her a gold digger but she said she has no money of his so she's not a gold digger. She said she doesn't have a penny of his money. Mel was saying that she's a whore and she can go through money like one. Mel said he doesn't need her or want her doing anything for him. He told her that she's a fucking whore. Oksana said that this is bullshit and arrogant. Mel was yelling gin a way that it was almost impossible to understand what he was saying. She kept having to ask ''what?'' to one comment.
Mel was yelling at Oksana and telling her that she sounds ignorant. Oksana said she had to go check on the baby because she was crying. Mel told her she was a ''cunt whore'' and he hopes the daughter doesn't turn out like her. He hung up on her after that. Howard said his favorite tape is the second one. He said this one was okay. Howard said the guy sounds like the devil because he's so angry. Howard said they'd leave on that note and maybe talk more about it then. They ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said that it sounds like Howard is going to do Greg's foreword even though he says he won't. Gary said he's not even going to do a foreword in his book. He said he didn't ask Howard to do it at all. Jason said that both Gary and Greg's books are about their relationships with their mothers. Gary said that he and Greg talked about that and wondered when you give the book to your mother. Gary said he was going to read her the book since she has trouble reading now. He said he may not give it to her line by line though.
Jon asked JD if he's ever tried anything like this before. JD said he hasn't. He said he hasn't dated much at all so no. He said he might give it a try if he was looking for something. JD said if he feels there's a hole in his life then he'd give it a try. Gary said it's just dating. It doesn't mean you're looking for a wife.
Jon asked JD what else is on his mind. JD said he talks to some girls and hangs out with them. He said he's just not thinking about it that much.
Gary said someone floated a theory about him where they said that he gets enough to keep him busy but not enough to be confident. JD said he'd agree with that.
JD said he knew that something was coming up but he didn't know it was coming today. He said Jason had the pictures last week and he knew something was up when he asked what they were and Jason just smiled with that goofy smile of his like he didn't want him to ask.
Gary said that they had some really cute girls in there today too. Jason said the first girl had a see through dress and she was really hot. JD said she was cute but didn't really talk. JD said he doesn't talk much so it may not have been a good set up. Gary thought that number 3 would have been the best choice for JD. Jon said it was obvious he wasn't interested in her pretty quick. Gary asked what it was that didn't grab him. JD said she was cute but there was ''a thing'' that he can't figure out. He said that there's an x-factor in there that he can't figure out.
Jason said that it seemed like JD picked that girl based on the Guitar Hero thing alone. JD said that wasn't it. Gary said there are girls there who have been interns who were interested in him and he's blown them off and gone after other girls who were more attractive. JD said he can only go after girls he's attracted to. He can't help it.
JD said that if he based it on looks alone he would pick contestant numbers 4, 1, 3 and then 2. That led to Jon playing some audio of JD talking to Anne. He was ''trying'' to talk to Anne but he got pretty flustered with her.
The guys were also talking about JD's weight. JD has gained a few pounds. He's up to 192 pounds and he used to be around 180 or below.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if any of the girls were in JD's league. Gary said that he thinks that number 2 and 3 were in his league.
Another caller said that one thing that irritates the shit out of him is when they talk about being in ''his league.'' The caller said that he looks for what they're attracted to and that's that. He said you can't change what you like. The guy said that you know when you have that spark in your life and you go for it. Gary said he has dated women out of his league. He said guys who are self aware know that you're out of your league when you are. Gary said if all you do is date girls out of your league then maybe you'll never find the right woman.
Jon asked JD if he thinks he dates out of his league and shoots too high. JD said he doesn't see leagues. He said that he really thinks that all hot girls are out of his league but that's not going to stop him from trying. Jason said that JD zeros in on the hottest interns there. He said that he doesn't even consider the other girls. JD said he notices everyone.
Gary explained how this whole game came up and how they picked the girls. They had Jason fill out the form as if he were JD. Jason said he said he was into video games, movies and staying home. He said it was very general. Gary said they then went to the girls and told them they'd be speed dating not knowing who it was going to be. They didn't know they were going to be on the Howard Stern Show. The girls then heard Robin hammering JD.
Jon asked why Doug can't make this Bachelorette thing happen. It sounds like Robin is throwing the gauntlet down because she doesn't think that he will make it happen. Jason said it does sound like a game of chicken to him. He said it's like Robin is challenging him to do it. He said that Doug is kind of a downer because he makes it sound like it's just not going to happen.
Jon said that Robin did say that she'd be up for it. She even told him to set it up. Jon said that it sounds like they've worked with her before and she didn't give them the time. Jason said he knows people who have worked with her and she is a no-show at times.
Gary said he had to give Fred a shout out because he played the ''I need a cock'' sound clip when Amber asked her what she was looking for in a man. He said he also played that OJ ''It happens'' clip when they were talking about Mel Gibson.
A caller asked Jason if they can put any pictures up on the web site. Jason said that he can't because the site is broken again. He's unable to upload pictures once again. Jason said that the site is a piece of shit... it looks good, but he's frustrated with the way they upload pictures.
The caller said that this Amber chick seemed to know what she was talking about today. He said she did a great job with the whole thing. The guy also told Gary that with the ''Jewing down'' comment is something he should just admit to. Gary said that he knows what he said and it was ''chew'' and not ''Jew.''
Jason said his mom was up in arms when she thought she heard ''Jew him down'' come from Gary. Jason said that she slowed it down and listened to it over and over until she heard ''chew.'' Gary said he likes Jason's mom and her stories. He said he did say ''chew'' and not ''Jew.''
Jason said that if Sal said that same thing, no one would give him a break. Gary said that he gets the benefit of the doubt because he doesn't have a history of doing stuff like that.
Another caller said that JD shouldn't listen to these guys and just go after any girl that he likes. Gary said that there are girls who are out of people's league but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try.
The guys were talking about how number 3 suggested going out and having drinks. Jason said that was a huge opening for JD that he should have jumped at.
Gary told JD that if he doesn't hear from that girl before Friday he should start worrying. JD said that they'll do dinner or something like that. He doesn't know much about this girl so he has to find out more before they can go do something else.
Jon asked JD if he's smitten by this girl. JD said she's attractive but he's not ''smitten'' with her yet. Jon asked if he can see her in his life. JD said anything can happen... ''Life is a wondrous maze of endless possibilities...''
Jon took a call from a woman who said she met her husband at a speed dating thing. She said that she was really sold by the third date. The caller said that he was very good at the speed dating thing and she was intrigued. The guys asked the caller some questions about the speed dating thing and about how JD should handle this. The caller said she thinks that JD may not be looking for anything serious. JD said he's really not looking for anything serious right now. He said she was right about that.
Jon asked Shuli, who had just walked in, about what he thought about the speed dating thing. Shuli talked about how there doesn't seem to be a massive amount of people doing it so you might have a good shot giving it a try.
Jason said that Steve Brandano was talking about giving it a try. Steve said he saw this and he doesn't know why people wouldn't give it a try, especially living in the city. He said it seems pretty easy. He said he won't have to spend $100 on drinks on people who don't want to talk to you to begin with.
Shuli said his mother tried to get him to go to a Jewish singles thing out in Las Vegas. Shuli said that's little weird. He said he met his wife when someone set them up on a date. Steve said no one is setting him up on blind dates so he might have to try this. JD said that Steve was set up on a date and when the woman said she didn't like the show ''Mad Men'' he stopped liking her. Steve said there are some things that are important like intelligence. He said that they can hate things like that but when your reasons are stupid, then he's done. He said she didn't like ''The Wire'' either.
Gary asked Steve if Megan Fox walked in there and said she didn't like ''The Wire'' and liked George Clooney in E.R. would he turn her down if she asked to fuck him. Steve said he might. The guys told him he's an idiot.
Gary said that every person has a flaw but you tend to overlook them if you like a person. He said that you will never find a perfect person.
Gary was talking about how Howard was going off on him about the Twitter thing today. Jason said that it's an amazing service and he finds out a lot of news on there. Jason said he found out about George Steinbrenner dying on there. Shuli said you realize what a great tool it is for keeping in touch with people.
Gary said that Howard looks at things in terms of economics and he was looking at it like he's promoting Twitter and not making money. Jason said that they're not making any money as far as he knows. Jason said that some people get paid to put ads in their tweets. He said that Michael Ian Black is one of those people because he has so many people following him.
Gary said that he's going to hire Jason to do his tweets. He'll have him filter out the stuff he gets on the site and he'll answer like 6 of them. Gary said that he gets a lot of crap on there and it's a lot to take at once.
Jon took a call from a guy whose phone was cutting out. He wanted to say that not wanting to fuck Megan Fox is insane. JD said he's not that into Megan like some people are. He said he's not into Angelina Jolie that much either. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to comment on JD and Steve not wanting to bang girls that aren't out of their league. He said you have to take what you can get at some times. Steve said he doesn't have sex with girls he doesn't like. The caller said there's no way they can possibly be banging only girls they like. Steve said that some people do. It's like Jon Hein not masturbating, some guys have their thing. Gary said that men are basically animals. Many guys will just bang whoever they can get.
Jon said that Gary was kind of bummed out about the IQ test thing. Gary said that it's a no-win thing for all of them there. He said if he ''wins'' then it's still not a good thing. He said he really just needs to beat DePace.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard touched on how bummed out Gary has been getting and wondered if it's about the tweets he did about his son doing an interview. Gary said it wasn't about that. He said people were very funny about that whole thing. Gary said he wanted to get someone like Grillo up there to do some interviews. He said he asked his son if he wanted to do it but he wasn't into it. Gary said he twittered it to let people know and people were goofing on him saying he was like Kathie Lee sending his kids out to do that stuff.
Jon asked what was going on with Ronnie at the High Pitch Mike party. Shuli said that Ronnie was saying that everyone had that cock and balls straw on them at some point during the night.
Jon said that Ronnie was upset about them showing the picture and the tape on the show. He thought he was just at a party and didn't know it was going to be all over the show. Gary said that sometimes it can get to be a lot on the show when they cover everything you do. He said Steve was on him about the Hershey Park visit and sometimes you just want to let loose and not worry about it.
A caller said that the IQ tests should be interesting. He said he'd like to see how Robin comes out. Gary said that Howard, Fred and Robin are not participating in the tests. The caller said he thought Robin would do very well in that test.
Jon said he knows he's not the smartest but he may be one of the smartest. Gary said he and Jon were talking about the colleges they applied to and Jon applied to Stamford, Brown, Michigan and others. He didn't get into any other than Michigan.
Jon took a call from Ronnie the Limo Driver. Ronnie asked why they were talking about him. Jon told him about the party thing. Ronnie knew what they were talking about but he wanted to hear what Jon was saying about him. Ronnie said he gets his ass busted a million times a year. He said that there was a lot going on at that party and he's not the only one who does stuff.
Jon took another call and the guy told JD he reminds him of himself 10 years ago. He said that today he's not such a loser with the women and someone will take him under their wing and show him their ways. Jeff the Drunk also called in and said he thinks that Ronnie is a homo. Gary asked how he responds to the rumors that he looks like a frog. Jeff said he disagrees with that and doesn't understand it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Jon Hein asking a good question before they got on the air. He asked which tape has the longer legs, the Mel Gibson tape or the Pat O'Brien tapes. Howard said he thought that the Mel Gibson tapes at first but then figured it was Pat's tape. He said they were able to make some great phony phone calls with the O'Brien stuff. Howard said the guys also made some using the Mel Gibson tapes.
Howard mentioned the guests they had coming up today and said that he's having some porn girls in since so many people like that on the show. Howard said porn is ruining the country though. He said the girls are so vocal in the videos and then when you have sex yourself you feel you're missing something. Howard said he's had sex with several normal women who make you feel unloved. He said he'd give Robin an example.
Howard mentioned that Gary wasn't there today. He said that he had to handle some personal stuff. Howard said he told Gary it was okay since he never takes any personal days.
Howard said that his computer pages were changing so they had to do something about that. JD came in and told him where the clips were that he was looking for. Scott came in to help but Howard kicked him right out. He said he can't stand when Scott comes in there with that walk of his.
Howard said Scott has a new skinny look and it's very odd. He said that he's got new shirts that have some hip designs on them. Howard told Scott to come back in so he can look at them. Howard said Scott is all hunched over but he's skinny now. Scott said his shirt just says ''Music Rebel'' on it. Robin laughed when she heard that. Howard said he knows Scott is into looking better but he needs to shave his arms. He said there's too much hair there. He told him to set his clippers at number 4 and just cut it down a little bit. Scott said he wishes he had that much on his head. Howard said it's really unfair. He has no hair on his head and too much on his arms.
Howard said he was listening to the clips of the girls that are coming in today and they sound so sexy. He wants that in his personal life but he know he won't have that. He played a clip of one of the girls getting banged and she's moaning and making all kinds of noise as the guy is banging her. Howard said no regular woman sounds like that. Robin said women don't want to hear that kind of stuff in a movie. Howard said that's what men want. He said he's been watching porn for years and this stuff is ruining lives. He said men expect this kind of thing during sex.
Howard said he has so many issues to deal with. He said he was in the shrink's office yesterday dealing with them. He played more of the porn clips and said he loves hearing this stuff. He said he wants to hear a woman tell him that she wants him to cum on her face. Howard said she's hungry for the guy's cum. Howard said he loves that.
Howard said that clip he was listening to was Lela Star. He also had some audio of McKenzee Miles to play. Robin asked if Beth likes to watch the porn that he likes. Howard said Beth gets grossed out by some of the guys and says they're ugly. He said he doesn't think he looks much better though.
Howard played some of the McKenzee Miles audio clip and said he likes that too. Howard said he tries to give Beth what she wants in bed. He said he took her out to dinner last night and she's going out with her friends tonight. Howard said he doesn't get why it has to be all girls and why he can't be included. Robin said it's a work night. Howard said it's just weird. He said everything is weird for him and he's just had it. He said she could go out during the day. Robin said maybe they work. Howard said they're all bought and paid for. Then he changed his tune and said that they probably do work during the day.
Howard said he's really a misery. Howard said the girls in these clips are desensitizing people. He said this is why JD can't be in a loving relationship. He said he's warped. Robin said he's confused because he's never been with real women. She thinks that Richard suffered from it for a long time too. Howard said even Benjy suffers from it. He said that he's thinking that he's in a porn movie all the time. Howard said porn is ruining people so he's going to yell at these girls today.
Howard said the boys took some Mel clips and made some phony phone calls. He said he had a good laugh with this one he's going to play. Howard said people are really wiling to yell and scream even when they have no idea what it's about.
Howard said they had Mel call a bunch of drunk guys or something. Howard played the clip and some guy picks up and Sal and Richard have Mel yelling at him and then another guy who picks up the phone. They had Mel yelling at them to get out of his house and things like that. They had Mel telling one guy he was a selfish bitch. The one guy said he'd ''kill yo ass'' to the clips. The guy ended up yelling right back at Mel even though he had no idea who he was. They hung up on him when he said that he ''should just smile and bloooow me.''
Howard said he'd just hang out if he got a call like that. Howard said this is just the start of the Mel Gibson tape prank calls. He said this was their first pass. He said they did some great calls with the Pat O'Brien voice mail tapes so he played one of those. That was one where they called a phone sex line and had Pat having phone sex. The phone sex operator had to ask ''Pat'' not to talk about drugs when he brought it up and ended up having to hang up on him. They can't talk about coke on that line for some reason.
Howard said he was walking around yesterday thinking about Greg Fitzsimmons asking him to write the foreword to his book. He said he's going to do it because he's going to feel guilty if he doesn't. Howard said his agent told him he's opening a door for other people to ask him to do the same thing. Howard said he's already opened the door with Artie's book and giving quotes for other people's books. Howard said that Greg should have never asked him to do it in the first place.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he's with Howard on the date night with friends thing. He said he doesn't get why his wife is leaving him home alone to go out with the girls. King said that Howard should be enough. He wondered what the hell they're going to talk about.
Howard said Beth will show off what she's wearing and he knows it's going to be something that will lead to her getting hit on. He said she'll get free drinks and stuff because of that. King said he'd tell her to take that shit off.
Howard said he uses his free nights to be with Beth. He said sometimes she's not around for him though. King said he'd like to hang out with his wife and she does the same thing. He said it becomes a habit. Howard said he has done a lot of work to fight against it but now he's kind of liberated.
Howard said King jerks off on his wife's feet. King said last night it was great because it was like seeing them for the first time. He said he had sex with her feet last night. Howard asked if she jerked him off with them. King said she was sleeping but he did it anyway. Fred said it sounds like he raped her feet. Howard said that would make him so depressed if she just laid there and he had to jerk off on her feet. Howard said she should have done something with her feet. King said she did but it was weird.
Howard said once in a while the wife should grease up her feet and rub up and down on him. King said he likes it when she doesn't know what he's doing. He said when they have sex she does do some stuff for him. He said she does that shit and he loves that. Howard said he wants him to record it so he can hear what it sounds like. Howard had to hang up on him a short time later. He said King never says goodbye. He just keeps talking.
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Howard said he must be the most interesting man on the planet but Larry King doesn't believe that. Howard said he knows what's behind all of that Larry King stuff. Howard said Larry's show used to call his agent about 10-15 times a year asking him to be involved with stuff Larry was doing. Howard said they'd turn that down since he doesn't go out and do a lot of stuff. He doesn't need to be on Larry King's show. It doesn't make him happy.
Howard said broadcasters hate him. He said they're so jealous of his popularity. He has a huge audience and they followed him to satellite. He said Larry has no following and he has no clue how he does it. Howard said in Larry's view he wonders why people listen to Howard Stern and not to him. Howard said Larry thinks that it's the dirty words that make people listen but he's had an audience for 30 years.
Howard said Larry tried to do radio but he was a failure. He wasn't able to attract any audience. He was on overnight's and he didn't even have ratings in overnight's. Howard said Larry got lucky with that CNN show. As soon as he had any competition, he lost his whole audience. He said that Larry is jealous of him and he can't stand it. Howard said people want to hear what he has to say because he's so interesting. He said Larry is insecure. He said he changed his name from Larry Zeiger to Larry King. He said Larry is ashamed of what he is. That's why he changed his name. Howard said they're all cocksuckers when they change their names like that.
Howard said Larry is just a jealous prick like all of the other broadcasters who hate him. Howard said he's the one who deserves all of these awards that people in broadcasting are getting. He said no one else cares about these other people.
Howard said Steinbrenner was a hated guy too. He helped to make things better at one point when the guy from Anthrax, Scott Ian, had gotten into trouble with the Yankees. Howard said that Steinbrenner came out in full force against Ian when he stole something from Yankee stadium. Scott was freaking out and called Gary and asked if they could help him out. Howard said they got the two of them on the phone and worked things out. Steinbrenner ended up forgiving him and dropped the charges. Howard said a lot of people responded very well to that. Howard said he really could have made an example out of the guy but he had mercy on him. He said that was kind of neat. Howard said it would have been nice if George had put him in his will and gave him the Yankees.
Howard said he saw Kyra Sedgwick in the paper this morning. He said she's looking very sexy in that picture. Howard said Kevin Bacon must still love banging her. He said that he's been with her for a really long time too. Howard said he was imagining her naked looking at that picture. He was imagining her asking to eat his cum.
Howard said that Kyra is looking really good and it's a real picture that was taken outside of the Letterman studio. Howard said she has to look really good if she takes a picture that well.
Howard said he got a job offer for Eric the Midget. Robin told him not to give it to him. Howard wasn't sure what to do.
Howard got back to Larry /King and went off on him again. He said that he interviewed Kermit the Frog for half an hour one night. Howard said that's a guy with a glove on his hand. He said he's not willing to suspend disbelief to do something like that. Howard said that would cost him his entire audience.
Howard read about some of the guests that Larry has interviewed. He had Mickey Dolenz on the list. Howard said he doesn't have to talk to anyone and he gets a huge audience. Howard said Larry is an asshole.
Howard mentioned the story they had in the paper about Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox marrying and they were calling Brian a loser. Howard said he heard Steve Brandano talking about how he wouldn't bang Megan if she was in a room with him. Steve said that's not how it went. He said he wasn't sure if he would or not. Howard said the only way he wouldn't is if he was gay. Howard said that Steve was acting all high and mighty about it.
Howard read some news about the Lebron James story and how some people think that he didn't have a better choice than to go to Miami. Howard read some of the article where this guy told the Cleveland fans to just get on with their life and stop complaining.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what happened to the Jake and Vienna tapes. Howard said he ran out of time yesterday but he'll get to them today. He said he doesn't even have to comment on it. He can just let it play.
The caller said that King of All Blacks time has passed and he has to stop taking calls from him. Howard said his phone connection is pretty awful so he should call in from a better phone.
Howard said he knows that Eric is going to be so ungrateful about it. He said they're the only ones who are interested in him and he's going to get this because of this show. Howard said that Eric won't appreciate that.
Howard said he has an email about what this job is. He said he should get Eric on the phone to talk about it. Howard predicted that Eric will hear about the job and he won't thank them or anything. They'll have to ask for a thank you.
Howard asked who is producing the show today. Will Murray said that he and Jason are working on getting things set up. Howard said that he has a feeling that Will produces the show most of the time even when Gary is there.
Howard said he gets so grossed out by Gary when he eats there. He did an impression of him eating and talking to him during the breaks there.
Howard asked Will how he's doing on the Eric call. Will said he was there. Howard picked up and Eric asked what was up. Howard told Eric his agent called yesterday and told him about this email he got from a casting director about a job. Howard said they have a part for Eric. Eric said his agent is working better than his own.
Howard said they got this email from a casting director on ''Fringe'' and they're asking for Eric to do an episode. Howard said that they're looking to be directed to his manager or agent. Eric said he heard something from Johnny (Fratto) about that last year. He said that Johnny is annoying him right now. He's really fuckin slow getting him work.
Eric said that he has a manager/agent now. Howard said it's really up to Eric to get work and the agent negotiates the money. Eric said he had a job lined up recently and told the guy to go to Johnny and the deal has yet to be finished. Howard said maybe Johnny is playing hard ball. He said he might be trying to make him some real dough.
Eric said he thinks that Johnny is taking secret meetings with Robert Mills behind his back. Howard asked if that's true. He said Robert Mills got setup with Eric through the show and now Eric thinks that his own agent is working against him. Howard told Eric to get an agent that's actually an agent.
Howard asked Eric why he thinks that Johnny is meeting with Mills. Eric said that Johnny Jr. told him that Johnny was at the park having a meeting with someone named Robert. He assumes that it was Robert Mills.
Howard said that he doesn't think that Eric or Johnny are going to end up with any jobs at ABC with Robert Mills. Howard said that this job offer from FOX is something that may just work out. He said he'd like to know what the part is if he gets the job. Eric asked them to forward the email to him and he'll call. He said that he's got some other contact info for the Oakland As to possibly do an appearance at a game and maybe throw out a pitch. Howard told Eric that he'll forward this email to him. Eric thanked him for that. Fred threw in a couple of ''Eric the...'' clips that they edited together.
Eric asked Howard to help him out with some other stuff too but Howard told him to just take it slowly and get this one job first. Eric wants to get into a movie that they're filming about baseball called Money Ball. He said he has his own wardrobe so he wouldn't need one from them. Eric said he has a lot of jerseys and hats.
JD came in and asked Howard if he knows what ''Fringe'' is about. It's basically about freaks. JD told Eric he should do it. Eric said he thinks that it's a part where he plays a corpse and does some flashback scene.
Howard said it would be great if they had a monster and the monster was being controlled by Eric. Howard told Eric he'll send over the info for him. He said he's not sure about this movie he was talking about. He said they have to take it one step at a time. Howard said he's not an agent but he'll see what he can do to help.
Howard said Eric should be able to do one project at a time. He said he'll be in touch. Eric said it's been about a year since he had his cardiac heart failure. Howard congratulated him on that. Eric said that he was in the hospital for about a week. Robin said that they shouldn't talk about that. They want everyone to think he's healthy. Eric said he's good now. He's on meds.
Howard told Eric the should like everyone in the business so he can get some work. Robin said he should be friends with Mel Gibson because he may be the only one willing to work with him now. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Eric even gave them a ''Bye for now'' as he was getting off the phone. Howard said he was a little bit grateful this time. Howard told Will or Jason to come in and forward that email to Eric. They had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He didn't know the lyrics very well. Robin knew them better so she had to correct him.
Howard said he should do his Larry King retrospective. He said that they announced that Piers Morgan is going to take over for Larry. He said the guy had an interview show in England so it seems like a fine decision.
Howard played a clip from Larry King's show where he was talking about an E.Coli outbreak and he was unable to use it in a sentence. Howard goofed on Larry about those big, white choppers he has in his mouth. Howard said he's glad he goes to a good dentist himself. He has some cosmetic stuff done to his teeth because his mom didn't think that he should have braces when he was a kid. Howard said she thought that his teeth would be loose if he had them. Howard said his dentist said he could do some veneers but he doesn't want those white Chicklets in there.
Howard said he has to do interviews sometimes and he has this black hole in his mouth. He has pushed back teeth and he should have had braces when he was a kid. Howard said he'd like to look human at least.
Howard said that Larry King wasn't able to say the word cousin one time too. He played that clip where Larry struggled with the word. He also had a clip of Larry having a throat problem and choking on some phlegm or something during an interview. Howard played another one where Larry farted on mic.
Howard said that Larry had this really weird noise in a clip when he was talking about Michael Jackson one time. He said he's never heard a noise like this before. Howard played that one too and Larry comes back with this pig-like snort sound.
Howard said that's what Larry's wife has to come home to. Howard said he had some other clips to play as well. In one clip Larry had trouble introducing Fran Drescher. He was calling her ''Iran Drescher.'' Larry has trouble with names.
Howard said the review he read about the movie was good and they descried what it was about. He said Ellen Page may not know what it was about but this reviewer did and it sounded good.
Howard said there's great news in the paper today. He read that Beavis and Butt-Head are returning with new episodes. He said he loved that show and he can't wait to see them goofing on contemporary artists. Howard said he thought that they were going to age them to fat adults watching videos. He said they're going to stick to having them young though. Howard said Mike Judge is a great guy and he has nothing bad to say about him. He said that Mike is working on the new episodes now. He said that it's in production and it's not some B.S. thing. Robin said she misses them.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that Captain Janks is upset that Larry is leaving his show. Janks made some very famous calls to his show. Howard said that Janks was the creator of those wacky calls to Larry.
Lisa said they have a story about Gary's book and how they have some thoughts on what Gary should be writing about from Lisa Grau. Howard said he thinks that Gary has the makings of a really good book there. Lisa also said that if Howard feels moved to do a foreword to a book then he should. Howard said he doesn't want to do it. He's tired of doing forewords and he never should have done Jackie's foreword. He said Jackie is the king of using him.
Howard said he's going to write the foreword for Greg and for Gary's book and it will just be a form letter. He said that he'll just have to fill in the blanks. He came up with the whole thing on the air during this segment. He said he'll just give it to any author who wants to fill in the blanks. He had all kinds of stuff he could throw in there with the blanks needing to be filled. Howard said he can't wait for people to ask for the foreword. He said he'll just put the form up on his web site so people don't even have to ask.
Howard said Greg Fitzsimmons asked him to write his foreword and he doesn't even know the guy. Howard said Greg knows that and he's very nervy to ask him to do that. Howard said that Greg says he was a big influence on him but he didn't know that. Howard said he'll have to include that in his foreword.
Lisa said that Bubba the Love Sponge is going to be handing over some money to some widows of some cops who were killed in the line of duty. They raised the money in a fund drive they did down in Tampa. Howard said Bubba was really good yesterday. He said that some fans were giving him a hard time about the time he gives them on the air there at SIRIUS. Bubba was also talking about some other stuff that was interesting.
Robin mentioned some stuff that Bubba's wife was posting on Facebook. Howard said Bubba sent him an ass shot of his wife. He loves when he does that. Howard said she's got a great ass. He said Bubba was making sense with whatever it was he was talking about yesterday.
Howard said Brent Hatley, from Bubba's show, sent him a note about the FCC ruling that was overturned yesterday. Howard said the FCC was fining broadcasters for fleeting expletives. The broadcasters took it to court and appealed it and the judge agreed it was against the first amendment. They can't hold the broadcasters responsible. Howard said the FCC is freaking out. Howard said this will end up in the Supreme Court and the conservative judges in there will turn it over again and it will be upheld and the FCC will be back to fining.
Howard said that everyone was telling him that he can go back to regular radio. Howard said he can't do that because they weren't even fining him for fleeting expletives. They were fining him for vague references to anything sexual.
Howard said that this reminds him of the Chinese government. He said they're becoming powerful while keeping their citizens enslaved. Howard said he's not going to let that happen here. Howard said they're becoming a super power but they got wealthy off the backs of their people. Their people are suffering. Their average wage is like a dollar a week or something like that. He said that might be the high end. Howard said he's not making a joke either. He said the Chinese people have to rise up and stop this. He said they don't have any weapons though. Howard said he found out the president of China is Hong Kong Fooey. Howard said the people there are born into a curse and they have to do something about it.
Howard said China is even worse than India. He said it's worse than anywhere other than Haiti. Howard said they're in hell in Haiti. Robin told Howard the average salary over in China is about $3,700 a year or so. Howard let Lisa G go after that.
Howard asked John about his friends he had as a kid and things like that. John had them as a kid but then he went through puberty and realized how ugly he was. He said he wasn't able to attract women.
Howard said last time John was there he came in with a hooker. She was very good with him and he was seeing her regularly. John said that's right. Robin asked if she made noise during sex. John said she did. Howard said John was happy with her but now she's left her life. Howard said she wasn't happy with the way John talked about her on the air. John said she was dissatisfied with his description of their relationship. John said he thinks she was upset with his graphic depiction of his actions with her.
Howard said that a hooker doesn't drop a paying customer. John said he thinks that she's a great woman and doesn't want to say anything derogatory about her. He said he found it odd that she'd be upset by that though.
John talked about the stuff he likes doing to women. He said he likes to lick them and stuff and he said that you can't get sick from that. He said he wouldn't get sick from doing that with Robin. Howard said doing that with a hooker sounds like a really bad idea. John said that tacos are meant to be eaten no matter how much hot sauce they have on them. Howard said that's a disgusting thought.
Howard read about John meeting up with another girl he met on an adult site. John said that he didn't want to say too much about that person. Howard read that he paid this woman $400 to have sex with her. John only gets $720 a month in SSI. Howard said John got blood on his finger when he rubbed her G-spot. John went to clean up and when she got back from the bathroom he ate her out for a half hour and she blew him. Howard said that when there's blood coming out you don't know what you're going to catch. John said she's a porn star so she's tested. He said he only got a blow job from her and didn't have sex. He said he had the option to have penetrative sex but didn't do it.
Robin said they should have had John on the speed dating thing. John said he knows that he can only get sex by paying for it.
John had to move back home with his parents. John said that he's found that he's rarely going out anymore and he's becoming more paranoid when he does go out. John said he feels he's being stared at and things like that. Howard said it sounds like the medication isn't working so well. John said he wasn't a social butterfly living alone but he was forced to go out and shop. Now his mom does all of that for him.
Howard said Will pre-interviewed him and John had to whisper so his mom wouldn't hear it. Howard asked if his mom is happy he's home. John said she'd prefer that he not live there but she's not miserable. She'd like it to be the way it was.
Howard said that was an update on John's life. He said he read that he also goes on CraigsList to find women. John said he was inspired by the great Benjy to go on there. Howard asked Benjy if he still goes on there. Benjy said he does that to sell furniture. He said there are plenty of other places on the internet to find women.
John said that he's gone on dates a couple of times and when the girls see him they run. John said that he'll respond to ads and he doesn't get any responses at all. He said that's usually what happens. He said that he will tell some women who he is and that he's on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard wondered who has it the worst, John's mom or Wendy the Retard's mom. Robin said it has to be Wendy's mom. John said he sleeps most of the time because of his medication. Fred went into his John the Stutterer impression and told John to hang in there. It took him like 30 seconds to get that one line out.
John was trying to talk to Howard but Fred started doing his impression to throw him off and make him stutter even more. Howard was laughing through it and didn't even seem to hear what John was saying. Howard said Fred is a great mimic. He said that Fred turns red when he does that. Fred said he sees why he has to take so many meds now because it's so exhausting.
Howard asked John what he would like to happen in his life. John said he would like to have this dream job where he gets to lick women's butt holes and vaginas at parties. He said he'd like to work with Benjy because he can get women. John said he would like to go to Bachelorette parties and fuck the women there. He said they could get blow jobs and lick the women there. He'd like to get bareback blow jobs at those parties.
Howard took a call from a guy who always calls in when John is on. John said he's the one who calls his show and he loves Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh. Howard told John to let him talk. John couldn't let him talk.
Howard said he couldn't hear Dan talk. John wouldn't shut up for a second. The caller, Dan, said that John is just an asshole.
Howard had to hang up on Dan because John wasn't letting him talk. Howard took some more calls and one guy said that they should just shoot John in the head and put him out of his misery. John made a strange sound so Howard asked what was up with that. John said that he had acid reflux. Fred threw in the Larry King snort clip to add to the sound.
Howard thanked John for coming in and wished him the best with his life. John said it won't get any better. Howard said he should try to be safe with those sexual practices of his. John had more to say so he didn't let Howard end the segment. John was going off on Mel Gibson and how Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity are defending the guy. They're saying that they don't know the whole story yet so they can't cover it. Meanwhile they went off on Alec Baldwin as soon as his tape came out. John said they're a bunch of assholes over there.
Howard kept trying to end the interview but John kept talking. He was going off on Hannity and O'Reilly and the rest of the people at FOX. John was also saying that Benjy is the most underrated comedian of all time.
Howard decided to replay the Mel Gibson prank call that Sal and Richard made. After playing the call Howard said he heard that there were no references to Mel Gibson on Hannity or O'Reilly's shows. John said that he heard it himself. JD said he searched the service they use and they came up with nothing. Howard just ended it after that because John was trying to go on and on about it.
Howard came back and talked about how great the Rolling Stones are. He sang a little bit. He said he thinks that Mick Jagger is a good looking guy but women tell him he's wrong. Howard said everyone wants to be a rock star. He said his cousin's kid is coming to town and he's got a band. He doesn't know the kid that well because his cousin moved up to Vermont and home schooled the kids. Howard said the kid is a nice kid from what he can tell though.
Howard said he got a note from this kid, Harris, and said that he's got a band called The Hoof and the Heel. They're playing at a club called Pianos later this month. Howard said they're looking to get the word out so that's why he's reading the email. Howard said the kid knows it's weird to be writing to him like that. He said they all look like hippies. Howard said he may back his band so that he can take the burden of fame off of him.
Fred found some of their music and played it for Howard. Howard said he likes the music. He told Robin that she should go check it out with him. He said that will be on July 27th at Pianos.
Howard said it would be nice if some people went down to support the band. Howard wasn't sure what day of the week it was. It was a Tuesday night. He said he was going to tell Harris to change the name of his band. He said that it's not a great name. Fred said they're good though.
One of the girls was saying she likes colonics and enemas like Robin does. She has 3 a day though. Howard asked about how she does it. She gets the pre-filled enema things and then cleans herself out. She hates feeling bloated. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 5 feet tall and weighs 85 pounds. Howard asked if doody comes out with it. She said it does, otherwise she wouldn't bother with it. She said she likes to get that full feeling out.
Howard told the girls that he gets disappointed that in real life he doesn't have the moaning and stuff that they do in porn. He asked the girls if they do that in their regular lives. Lela said she's really vocal in her life. Howard said he was going to pay a clip of Lela from ''Busty, Busty Coeds'' where she's moaning. That was one of the clips he played earlier. Howard said he doesn't watch that much porn but he gets disappointed when his wife doesn't make those sounds. Howard said they seem to really love the guys they're with in those movies.
Lela said that the guy's cock was huge in that scene. That's why she was making so much noise. Howard old them to tell him it's all fake. The girls said they don't always get fucked like that so it's not all fake. It is a little bit of a show.
Howard asked if they scream out obscenities and things like ''fuck me.'' Lela said she does yell out fuck my pussy. She said she doesn't say that much. Howard said he likes it when a girl says something like that. He said Beth doesn't want him to ask her if he should fuck her tight, little pussy.
Howard asked McKenzee if she does this in her real life or not. She said it's not like that in the movie. Lela said it's not that crazy. Howard played a clip from Erotica XXX which was one of McKenzee's movies. She was very vocal in that clip too.
McKenzee said that guys want to hear that going on in their sex lives but she doesn't do that regularly. She said that she can fake it but that's not her. Robin said that's what she was telling Howard earlier.
Howard asked Lela if she needs a man to lick her to have an orgasm. She said she doesn't. She prefers that a guy just enter her. She said that there are too many guys who aren't good at it. Howard said he's probably bad at it. That's the feeling he has. Howard asked how you learn to lick a woman the right way. Lela said every woman is different so you never know.
The girls were talking about what they don't like and how they hate the porn kissing where they get tongues jammed down their throats. They hate it when the guys stick multiple fingers in them too. Howard said guys are gross and they're just looking to be treated right. They don't want the foreplay.
Lela said she still likes going down on a guy. McKenzee said that they want more kissing but not even on the mouth and no porno tongue.
Howard said he watches these porn movies and guys are thinking that this is what women are really going to do in bed. Howard said it's ruining guys. Howard said girls don't want guys inside of them for a long time either. Robin said that when you hear about a guy lasting an hour it's a nightmare.
Howard said he did some research on the girls and found out that Lela loves anal. Lela said she doesn't love anal. McKenzee said she likes it but it's new to her. Howard asked if she does any prep. She said she does but there's never any doody. She said she will clean up before sex but not an enema or anything. She said that poop is funny anyway so she has no problem with that. Howard said his poop isn't funny.
Howard said that the girls did him a favor today by filling him in on this fake sex stuff. He said he now knows that it's not going to happen for him.
The girls were talking about how they like sex for no more than 20 minutes or so. Howard said he lasts about 3 minutes at the most. Howard said if he lasted 20 minutes then maybe he'd be disgusting. The girls said that's not true. Howard said if the girl is hot a guy should finish really fast. He said that the porn guys must be on something to stay hard for as long as they do.
Howard said that he'd last about 5 minutes with the girls if he was filming a scene. The girls said they do have problems with premature stuff once in a while, even in their movies.
Howard asked if they like big penises. McKenzee said she prefers girth over length. Howard said his is about 6 inches but it's thin. He said it looks like his body. It's long and thin. He said he likes what the girls are saying here. They don't want huge penises. Howard was happy to hear that.
The girls were also talking about how they don't like to bring work home with them so they don't bring other girls into bed or anything like that. They do some girl/girl film stuff and some guys get freaked out by that.
Howard said Lela had a crazy sexual history. He said that she's been in the business for 5 years and made a bunch of movies. She did a 7 guy ''blow bang'' where she blew all of the guys. Howard read that she worked at Walgreens before getting into the business. She said that she was the overnight manager at the store. Howard asked if that's why she got into porn. He said that she got bored with that job. Howard said Lela used to watch porn at work. As a going away gift she fucked her boss. She said that the guy was so cute and he was the regional manager. She told him that she was going to do porn and he figured he could fuck her when she quit. She said once was enough for that though. She said he was kind of a disappointment. She said that it was kind of a creepy thing.
Howard asked Lela about how she snuck out of the house to have threesomes. She said she was a really bad kid. She said that you have to let your kids do what they want or they'll go out and do that kind of thing. Howard said Lela was pulled over recently because she didn't have any license plates on her car. She thinks they're ugly so she left them off of her Mercedes.
Howard read that Lela lost her virginity at 12 years old. She said that she and the guy shared the bus for this Magnet school they went to. She said she used chocolate syrup on him and it was a mess. She said that her grandparents had the sexy channels at their house and she'd watch it there. She said she didn't know what to do with that but she did like watching it.
Howard read that Lela would sneak out to have sex with high school guys when she was in middle school. Howard said her mother thought it was the same guy every time so she'd call the cops on that guy.
Howard asked Lela if she stays in touch with her mom. She said she texts her once in a while. Howard read that she banged a guy back stage at a Slipknot concert. She said it was in a back room at the concert.
Howard said that the girls are both in the July/August issue of Penthouse magazine.
JD came in and said that he liked Lela before she got her implants. He said that she may have gone too big. Howard asked to see them and checked them out. Lela said she was bored so that's why she got them. She said she's probably going to have them removed now. She said that there are people pissed at her for getting them. JD said he loves them either way.
Howard said that McKenzee was raised a Baptist. McKenzee said that things were pretty strict. She said that they had a 6 inch rule about staying away from students of the opposite sex in school. McKenzee said that may have been what pushed her in that direction to go into porn. She said her parents are very accepting and they're okay with what she does. She said she talks to her mom every day on the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they would ride the Sybian. The girls said that it's too much. Lela said that it's too much for her and she doesn't like it. It's one thing that she's really afraid to ride.
Howard took some more calls and one guy said that they've been really good on the show today. Some other callers asked about some of the stuff they do in their movies like ass to mouth. Howard asked about that and the girls were saying they don't taste any doody when they do that. Howard asked if they would do that in real life. McKenzee said she's not against it. She said that if there was doody on it then she wouldn't be down for it.
Howard gave the girls some more plugs for their Penthouse issue and Penthouse.com. He also checked out their bodies and asked if McKenzee has real boobs. She said they're fake too. Howard wanted to see them so McKenzee showed him. Howard said that there's nothing wrong with the two of them.
Robin wondered what they were promoting today. Howard said they're promoting Penthouse. The girls said it's a double issue so it's on the newsstands for two months which is cool. Howard found out that Lela dated Stephen Dorf for a little while. Howard said he knows that guy. Howard said it must kill him when he sees her in these movies. Howard asked if she was into him. Lela said that she's a little flaky so she would cancel dates. She said that he'd freak out on her if she did that. She said she's not going out with him again.
Howard said he likes what he learned today. He said he will heed what they've said. One of the girls said that the reverse cowgirl is also not good for real sex. The girls said they don't like doing it in the movies. They would never do it in real life. Howard had to go to break but the girls said that they'd like to give out their twitter info. You can find Lela @MizzLelaStar and McKenzee @McKenzeeMiles. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have an update about Greg Fitzsimmons who says he's excited and he would like to use Howard's rant as his foreword. Howard said he will write a foreword. He doesn't have to use that.
Steve said they have an update about KC Armstrong and a guy who helped him get out of his traffic charges. KC has apparently offered the guy tickets to an upcoming show as payment.
Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric being offered a job greeting guests at some place. Howard said he heard from Mark Cronin about an event that he's flying in for and he asked if he would come to it. Howard said he told him that he'd rather have High Pitch Eric shit on his chest then go to that event. It was a Shakespeare in the Park thing. Robin said she goes to those shows. She saw Jeff Goldblum doing some shows and he was very good. Howard said this show is going to be Al Pacino and he can't imagine a worse place to see Al Pacino. Howard asked Robin if she really loves seeing these plays. Robin said she has seen many great plays and she does love it.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he could sit through that stuff. Jon said he has seen some of those plays. Howard said they're so talkie. Steve said he hates Shakespeare. Howard said he does too. They spent a minute talking about some of the stuff Robin has seen.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon went through the stuff they were going to try to cover today. They ended up talking about Lela and McKenzee for a short time.
Howard asked Jon if it was true that Scott the Engineer was pissed that he played his cousin's band on the air. Jon said that he did say something. Scott came in and said he was just goofing around. He was wondering how fast Jason would run in there to tell Howard. Jon said he thinks that there might be something underneath that. Scott said he appreciates everything Howard has done for his son's band. He said he's been talking to Tim about doing a show that might help unsigned bands. Howard kicked Scott out after that.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned John the stutterer. That led to Howard asking Fred if he does that impression at home to practice or does he just do it on the air. Fred said he never practices, he just does it on the air. Howard talked about how Fred turns red when he does that shaking and stuttering. Fred said that it must wear John out.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with his Intern Show preview. He said they'll talk about what it's like when Gary isn't there. Steve said that things run just fine when he's not there. He said he can't even tell that Gary isn't in. Howard said they might be able to save a few bucks by letting him go then. Steve mentioned that they'll be talking to a former intern who is now working for MrSkin.com tonight on The Intern Show at 7pm on Howard 101.
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Robin read a story about how people don't cover up when they cough and sneeze. She said that health officials are now suggesting that you cough into your arm. Howard said that's what he does. Robin said they call that the Dracula move. Howard said that's exactly what he does.
Howard said that Brent Hatley, from Bubba's show, was talking about how he likes to be bitten on the back when he's having sex. He said that they were also talking about these Vampire shows that are on now and how they don't eat human blood. They talked about how ridiculous that is.
Robin read about what's going on in the jail where Lindsay Lohan is going to be. They say that the girls can't wait for her to show up so they can jump on her. Howard said that Lindsay is into lesbianism so maybe she'll have some fun there. Robin said that it sounds like it's not always voluntary over there.
Howard said that Facebook is so easy and nothing ever fucks up. Jason said that the system is so weird. He said it takes 10 minutes to upload a picture. Howard said he can upload his pictures to Facebook in like 10 seconds. Jason said with this web site it's a whole process.
Howard said they should just do a Facebook page instead of doing the web site. Jason said they should just do a Twitter account instead. Howard said he was going to do the Twitter thing but he realized that someone would write something stupid.
Jason said one of the problems with the web site is that everyone who works for it is out in Los Angeles. He said Doug doesn't get to work until 9 in the morning. Howard told Jason that he is now Doug Hurwitt's boss. He said that he has to report to him everything that needs to be done. He told him to just make sure it gets done. He said he can fire Doug Hurwitt if he has to. He said he's no good at it so he has to give Jason that responsibility.
Jason said that they were talking about how you can send your pictures over this EyeFi card and it's amazing. He said they should be able to do that with their web site. Howard said he's getting one of those cards. He said that he's also got this Sony Dash thing. He said he'll go into that another time. He showed Robin a picture of it and described it a little bit.
Robin played a song that someone created using the Mel Gibson audio clips. Howard didn't like the song. Robin couldn't understand Mel in those clips. They goofed on the guy for a couple of minutes after that.
Howard asked Fred if he had to break there because he had to pee. He said he might lock up if he tries to do a live commercial and pee at the same time. He just read the live commercial.
Robin read a story about George Steinbrenner being honored in New York. She had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about Steinbrenner.
Howard said he had the new Mel Gibson tape. He played the clip after getting the description from JD. In the clip Mel was yelling at Oksana and saying that he had been nothing but nice to her. Mel was breathing heavy again and screaming at her asking her what the fuck she was going to say. She remained calm as Mel was breathing like a panting dog. Mel was saying that he should have just waken her up and told her to blow him. He said he deserves to be blown before she goes in the Jacuzzi. Howard said that's how important a blow job is.
Howard played more of the audio and Mel was screaming at her saying ''How dare you!!!'' when he was talking about the blow job. Howard had to rewind the clip and listen again. He went back to the part where he says he has to get blown first. Howard was laughing as Mel was screaming and grunting like an animal. Mel told her she should fire her therapist because she really is nuts. Mel told her she's fucked up and told her to stay the fuck away from him. He said he'd better have his daughter because then he'd have it made.
Mel was saying that she's a pain in the ass and she should ''stop being that.'' Howard said these guys at RadarOnline.com are feeding them little bits and pieces and it's driving him nuts. They must be the number one sight right now. He said they must be paying someone for the clips too.
Howard did an impression of Mel screaming and panting like a dog. He said that the Jacuzzi was like his ''Niagara Falls'' because he freaked out when he heard Oksana bring it up.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of former Mayor Ed Koch talking about George Steinbrenner. Ed sounded kind of tired in that clip. Howard said he was bummed hearing that because he really likes that guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loved that Gibson tape. He said that was the best ever. The caller tried doing his impression of Gibson yelling at Robin. The guy was pretty good but his phone was cutting out. Howard did the impression as Fred played some of Mel's panting. Robin wondered how people can work with that guy.
Howard said someone did an Autotune on Mel's stuff. He thought he had played it but Robin didn't remember that. Howard asked JD where it was. JD told him that was the double rainbow guy he was thinking of. They don't have a Mel Gibson Autotune.
Howard played the bit that Sal and Richard put together of Big Foot and Mel Gibson having a discussion. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Robin had some more George Steinbrenner tribute clips to play. Howard said he's pretty sure that Mel Gibson would be welcomed on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. He had a caller on the line doing his Leno impression and saying that he'll treat Mel just fine on the show when he comes on. Howard didn't like the guy's Leno impression so he hung up on him.
Robin read a story about how California is going to ban plastic bags at stores. Robin said she was in Baltimore or Washington DC and they were charging for bags. Howard said he goes to a store where they give you cloth bags. He said he felt like an Amish guy. He said that they try to do things in a good way and it always backfires. He said that they did away with DDT and now the city is full of bedbugs. Robin said she was at a great hotel and was bitten by bedbugs. She said she'll never go back. Howard said he's all for bringing back DDT. He said it's worth the risk.
Robin read about an earthquake that hit in Chile. Howard said they're having more earthquakes there than anywhere else.
Robin said that a typhoon hit the Philippines today. She said they had some deaths and a lot of damage there.
Robin read about Lawrence Taylor going to court yesterday. Howard said he heard that he was joking around too much in court. He said you have to be serious when you go in for something like that. Robin said he's due back in court on August 4th.
Robin read that Tiki Barber may lose an endorsement deal because of his split with his wife. She said that the company thought they were a couple that would go out and promote their company together.
Howard kept doing his Mel impression during the news. Fred would play some clips along with Howard's impression.
Robin read some news about Fidel Castro coming back and having meetings with people about the world economy. Robin said that it's his third public appearance in a week. She said that Castro thinks that a nuclear war is going to break out when the U.S. tries to enforce sanctions against Iran. Howard said he thinks that Rick Rubin would be a great replacement for Castro since he has that beard.
Robin read through some more stories about a Tea Party billboard that shows President Obama as a Hitler-like character. She read through a few other things as well. Howard was still stuck on the Mel Gibson stuff and doing his impression of him using his megaphone.
Robin read some news about the new movie ''Salt.'' She had some audio clips of a guy who worked with Angelina Jolie on the movie. Howard let that one play for a few seconds before cutting it off. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am.
Will told Scott it's an odd thought to have either way. Even if it's a joke it's weird to even think that it's unfair that Howard is playing his cousin's band and not his son's band. Scott said that people think he's jealous but he's really not. Will said that's how Scott hides. He hides behind his jokes.
Jon and Will talked to Scott about his weight loss and asked if he thinks that he'll keep it off. Scott said he's been doing pretty well over the past year and he thinks he can keep it off.
Jon asked Scott about Gary being out and if everyone can handle it when he's out. Scott said that they all know what they're doing and they can handle it when Gary is out for a day or two. Steve Brandano said that's the way he meant to say it today.
Hanzi called in and said that Scott is lying and he's jealous of Howard's cousin. Hanzi said Scott isn't that good of a comedian so his jokes aren't very good. He said that he's obviously jealous. Scott said for Hanzi he's mad then. He thanked him for pointing that out for him. Hanzi said ''Really?'' Scott said for him he's going to be upset.
Jon asked Will if they picked these girls out because they were going to be truthful about the porn industry. Will said Howard was looking for some girls who would be honest. He said he knew they'd be good and they were honest about the business. Jon said that the guys were feeling better about themselves after that appearance.
Jason said that he found it interesting that they don't like being fingered. He said he thought he was good at that. Jason said that he has girth with his dick so that's why he has to wear the magnum condoms.
Jon asked Jason if he was the one who put up the note about Scott. Jason said he did do that but he didn't hear the conversation. Scott said he knew that they'd run to Howard with that. He said even if it's not true they'll run to Howard.
Steve Brandano said that Scott pranked Steve Langford that one time when he sent him into the studio when he wasn't supposed to be in there.
Jason said he didn't get Scott's joke and how it was a joke at all. Scott explained it but it wasn't very funny. Jason said that's just Scott's personality to complain so it's not a joke when he tells them that he's upset about something. Scott said he wanted to see how fast they'd go to Howard with it. He was just having fun. That's it.
Ronnie came in and said he hopes that the girls don't get in trouble for giving away their secrets on the show. Jon said that you can still enjoy it just like professional wrestling. Ronnie said he knows that, he took home a couple of their videos today.
Ronnie said some of the girls really dig that stuff but some don't. He said that he brought home this movie called ''Squirters'' and the girls really shoot that stuff. He said they're not faking it and it's obvious. Ronnie said he was with a squirter once and he had no idea it as coming. He said that it's the real deal too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Gary is interviewing for another job. Jon said he doesn't think so but he's not sure.
Jason pointed out that the girls today were afraid of the Sybian but they have seen girls ride that thing and have real orgasms. Will said he was bummed about that. They were ready to go with that thing today.
Jon took a call from Wheels who said that the girls were talking about how they like to have guys last about 10 minutes and Howard only lasts 3 minutes. He said Beth can't be happy with that. Jon said that Howard has never said that Beth is upset with the 3 minutes.
Wheels also asked Ronnie if he thought the chick pissed the bed when she squirt. Ronnie said that's what it was like.
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked if the girls were coming on to Will. The guys talked about how the girls always like Will and girls like Mary Carrey really loved him. Will said she's married now. He said that he did mess around with a porn star one time but he couldn't stop thinking about how many cocks were probably in her mouth.
Jon took a call from a guy who was upset that Gary took a personal day. He wondered why they let that happen. Will said he's pretty sure that Gary isn't sitting home to watch the Mets or something. The caller said that it's not the birth of his daughter. The guys told the caller that he doesn't know what's going on so he can't say that it's not important.
Jon said that everyone who listens to the show knows Gary's work ethic and Howard gave him his blessing. Jason said they also know that Gary could come to work if he wanted to nap. He doesn't need to stay home to catch up on sleep.
Jon took some more calls. One guy said that with Scott DePace he feels he's supporting his thoughts and ways when he pays for Howard TV so he had to cancel. He said he feels that it helps Scott in some way. Jason said Scott is the same way with HBO. The caller said that it also went from $10 to $13 so he had to get rid of it.
Jason asked Ronnie if he notices that Scott is complaining less now. Ronnie said it's a lot less. He said that he's become a new person and he's trying to live his life the best he can while he can. Scott said that he's getting older and he's just trying to live a little bit. He yelled out Ronnie's line ''Lets fuck some whores!'' but it just didn't sound right coming from him.
Jon asked Jason about the web site complaints and how he got to be in charge of that. Jason said he's already spoken to Doug about some things they can do with the site and how they can improve it. He said he's having a meeting with Tim about it too.
Jason said that he's the one who has to take all of the crap from people when there's something wrong with the site. All he was doing was uploading pictures to the site. He said that maybe they can fix the problems and improve the site now.
Jon asked Jason if he could fire Doug Hurwitt if he had to. Jason said he thinks he could do it. Will said that Jason wasn't acting all that strong and aggressive on the phone with Doug so he's not sure if that would happen. Jason said he's going to make some suggestions and they should have a reason for people to go to the site 5 times a day. He said they don't have that right now.
Jon asked Scott if he's ever had to fire someone. Scott said he hasn't and he's not sure he would want that. Jason said that it's usually the people who get paid the big bucks who do the firing. Jason said that he promises that they'll get some changes done for the web site soon.
Shuli came in and asked Jon about firing people. Jon has had to do that. Jon said that it's really tough. He said he's had people throw a fit when he's fired them. He said that made him realize why he was firing the person. Jason said he thinks he could do it.
A caller said that it sounds like Jason is jealous of Scott and his weight loss. Jason said he's not but that's fine if he thinks that. He said it has nothing to do with his weight when he tells Howard about him being upset about the band thing.
Scott said he feels better and looks better and he's done it many times in the past. He said he's been able to keep the weight off this time and he's feeling really good now. He wants to stay healthy as long as he can so he can stick around for a while. He hasn't thrown out his fat clothes yet though. He said he may donate them somewhere. Jason said that's a bad idea because you'll probably get fat again right after you get rid of them. They had to go to break a short time later.
Will said that the Mel stuff is very strong. He said they knew he had some issues already but he's really nuts in these clips.
Jason said that he likes the Mel stuff but the Pat O'Brien tapes were the wild ones that came out. He said he still loves that one and has them at home on his computer. He still listens to them at home.
Jon said he thinks that the Pat tapes stand the test of time. He said the Lily Tomlin tape is good too. He said that it's really crazy that the RadarOnline people keep coming out with more and more.
Shuli said there are some great sports tapes too. They went through some of those. Jason said that you never actually hear Mel hang up on these clips and it makes you wonder if it's just one phone call. Jon said he doesn't care if it was. He likes hearing whatever they have.
Another caller said that no one cares about Underdog Lady and he can stop interviewing her. Shuli said that a lot of people care. the caller said it sounds more like he's a friend of her's. Shuli said he kind of is. He said she calls him very often. He said he knows so much shit about this woman that he shouldn't know.
The guys were all grossed out by that clip. Jon said that John likes to go on and on when he talks and Howard was trying to cut him off a few times.
Will said that John had gone out on a date and got stood up. that led to him quitting his speech classes. He said he was doing really good getting better with that and there is room for improvement but he has no self esteem.
Another caller said that John has been suffering a lot his whole life and it's like a dog that gets kicked around. He said he's just down. He said Jason must know what that's like. Jason said he does. He said that he's fat now but even when he loses weight he can't get chicks. It's tough to come to that realization that it's just him being himself that can't get chicks. The caller said he thinks that John is just a self fulfilling prophecy because he believes he's going to fail with women that it's bound to come true.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Gary is a little condescending with the callers when he's on the air and he wonders how Jason and Will are liking it without him there today. Jason said that they're fine for a day without Gary but in the long run they need him there. He said that the longer Gary is out the more people would have to step up and take charge. Will said that he and Jason work very hard there and they do a lot of the grunt work there. He said that Gary is in charge of them but they handle a lot of the grunt work for Gary since he's kind of the on-air personality that he is.
Jason said that someone has to be in charge on a day to day basis. He said that he and Will just split it up today. Jason said that Gary talks to Howard every break about what's happening for the show and today that wasn't happening. Jason said that Howard probably noticed that the most. Jon asked how it was in there without Gary. Will said it was interesting because Howard was worried that the girls wouldn't be as honest as they hoped they would. He said Gary would have thrown some angles out there for Howard and that's what he does best.
A caller said he's all for Will being a regular on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said he's busy with other work at times.
Ralph called in and said he feels that the show is missing Gary today. He said it might be the subject matter but he thinks that Gary needs to be there. He also said that he can't wait to see the pictures of Scott with the t-shirt on today.
Ralph said that the real work is done by Will and Jason and Gary is more like a figure head like Ronald McDonald. Will said that's not true. He said that he also has relationships with publicists and stuff that he doesn't have. Will was saying that Ralph is upset with him for calling him a racist. He said that he won't even talk to him in the office now. Will said that Jason has told Ralph he's racist too and Ralph still talks to him.
Jason said that he's asked Ralph not to say certain words in front of him. He said Ralph was drunk at the time so that's why he doesn't remember it. Jason said that it's funny how Ralph ignores Will now. Will said you never know what's going to upset people.
Ralph said that he loved the Christian Bale freak out tape the best. They spent a minute on that as they were ending the show.
Howard started the show talking about the movie they went to see yesterday. They saw ''Inception'' and Howard loved it. Robin said she was concerned in the beginning but it got good toward the end. Howard said it was a Sci-Fi flick with Leonardo DiCaprio and he gets all of the great scripts. Howard said that Ivan Reitman told him how Hollywood works and that's what happens when you make a couple of great movies that make tons of money. He said ''Inception'' was like ''The Matrix'' for him. He said it was very good.
Howard explained how the movie is about a bunch of guys who can get into your brains and interact with your head. Robin said the way they make the dreams look is incredible. She said it was pretty amazing. She gives it a thumbs up.
Fred wasn't able to make it to the movie. He had to meet with his accountant. He said he's planning for his future. Howard asked if he's setting up where his investments are going and things like that. Fred said that it's all going to something but it's not doing very well. Howard said that he likes how people tell you where to invest and then find out that no one is making any money.
Howard said the only time his money goes up is when he deposits his paycheck. Howard said that's one reason he's afraid to leave the business.
Howard said he hates going to plays with people making noise and coughing on you. Robin said she went to a play where this 20 year old kid was whooping and making noise through the whole play. Howard said if you shoot someone a look they give you a look back and ask if you don't have kids. Howard said he does but they're at home.
Howard said he's been watching America's Got Talent trying to catch up on the show. He said he's still watching the early shows because he's a bit behind. Howard said they had one kid who had epilepsy who was performing on the show and maybe it's best that he's not a judge on a show like that. The kid was flying a kite and he wanted to tell him that he should avoid trying to perform for people. Howard said the kid is able to fly this kite indoors and it was kind of cool but there's not much to it other than that. He said they had really sad music playing while he did it and it was just odd. Howard said he would have told the kid he was nice but that's not a show in Vegas that anyone would pay to see. Howard said he's seen people flying all kinds of kites and no one cares.
Howard said Howie Mandel, Sharon Osbourne and Piers Morgan all told the kid he was going to Vegas for the next round. Howard said they were all douche bags. He said that kid isn't going to get his own show.
Howard said he has to go to his shrink today and he thinks that he's going to fire him today. He said he's angrier than he's ever been and he has to get rid of this guy. He said he's sick of being angry and he has to get over it. Howard said he's angry over this kite flying kid.
Howard said all of this yapping isn't making him calm. He said he sounds like Mel Gibson at times. Howard said he's like Mel without the racism. That led to Fred playing some Mel clips.
Howard said they have the guy from RadarOnline.com calling in today to talk about the Mel Gibson tapes. He heard they have boxes of tapes to put up on their site. Howard said they're going to keep putting them up until Mel settles with his girlfriend Oksana. Howard said that it's really smart and a great form of legal extortion. Howard said they keep releasing them in drips and drabs and he's going to break eventually.
Howard said that if she had called him and threatened to release them then it would have been illegal. He said she just recorded them and now they're leaking out so it's not illegal.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she liked the kite kid and it was amazing. She said it was also great when they let the air guitar players through to the next round. Howard said he thought that was ridiculous. Howard said that the show is to find the next big talent and it's not a charity. He said they shouldn't be letting people like this through.
Howard said he had to make some calls yesterday over personal stuff. He said that everything is irritating him. He wants to sit in a room doing nothing and not know or talk to anyone. Robin said she's heard that before. She said Howard would like to get out as soon as he's alone. Howard said he'd like to be in a room with Beth.
Howard said Beth went out with friends last night and she was wearing almost nothing. He said she was almost naked with high heels on. Howard said his mom never did that. He told her to go out and have fun and get hit on by guys. Robin said they didn't go to a bar, they must have gone to a restaurant.
Howard said he may go out with the guys to Knick games and to clubs and stuff. He said he won't enjoy it but he will do it as revenge.
Howard was home alone with the dog and he had to beat off to get to sleep. Then he went to sleep and fireworks started to go off at 10 o'clock at night. He said that there are guys out there who don't worry about work and stay out until all hours of the night. He said that America's work population must not care about their jobs. He said they go out all night and drink coffee to stay awake. Howard said he prepares for work the way he has to. He said there are guys in the middle of the afternoon going to movies and hanging out in cafes. He said that they must all have trust funds or something.
Howard said his dog is terrified of fireworks so he had to get out of bed to calm her down. He said he got angry at Beth for not being there to help with the dog. He was angry at the world at that point. Howard said he has to have the world rearranged. He said he has to become a dictator like Hitler as his next career. He said he's going to outlaw fireworks.
Howard said he finally got the dog settled and went to bed around 10:30. He said he had shit on his mind like you wouldn't believe. He said that he had to be up at 4:30 in the morning and this just sucks. He said his wife is out running around naked somewhere and it's crazy.
Howard said he started to unwind and started to fall asleep and then he hears a second round of fireworks. He said he'd have the Grucci's sent back to Italy if he ran this country. Howard said the show was for the NY Philharmonic and he wants to go to everyone's house who is part of that and light off fireworks next to their dog's heads. He said that this was happening at 11 o'clock at night.
Howard said by 11:30 he got to bed but he wasn't able to fall asleep so he had to find his Ambien. He said he hasn't taken the stuff since 2005. He had 4 left. He said he took them like a junkie. Howard said it wasn't working for him and it was past midnight. He said he just wanted to go to sleep. He said he knows that stuff can do weird stuff to you and he was just saying ''take me, take me!'' like he didn't care if he lived. Howard said he didn't care.
Howard said he finally went to sleep. He said that Ambien works. He said he BBM'd Beth and told her not to wake him up because then he'll Mel Gibson her. He did his impression of Mel yelling after Fred played a couple of clips of Mel. They also had a new song parody featuring Mel Gibson clips to the tune of Nine Inch Nails ''Fuck Me Like an Animal.''
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he should ignore the dog when she freaks out at the fireworks. Howard said he can't ignore her. He said that she's got arthritis now and she peed on the carpet when they locked her out of a room. He said he doesn't need that happening. Howard said they have her on some Glucosimine now and she seems to be doing a little better. Howard said she should be good to go up and down the stairs now. Howard said the carpet that the dog peed on was brand new.
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Howard asked David what he was saying. David said he ran the National Enquirer for 6 years. He said he was in charge of the stories that Mike Walker did. Howard asked David why he went online. David said he wanted to do something exciting and new. Howard said it is kind of cool that it's so immediate. They don't have to wait overnight for a newspaper.
Howard asked if they're paying for the tapes. David said they haven't paid a dime. Howard asked how they got the tapes then. David said that they can legally release these tapes because Mel was threatening her in them. that's why she put the tapes out there.
Howard asked David when they found out about the tapes. David said they found out about them a few weeks ago. Oksana has been taping them since January. She ended up going to the dentist after getting hit in the face. She didn't go to the police until July. David said they were having these brutal conversations and it was pretty intense.
David told Howard they didn't get the tapes from Oksana. He said they have about 30 minutes worth though. He said they are in the middle of a custody battle and she seems very concerned about custody and doesn't want Mel near the kids. Howard asked if they have all of the tapes now. David said they do have all of them. He said they can still release the tapes even if she settles with Mel.
Robin said she thinks that Mel knew about these tapes and still wasn't able to come to an agreement. Howard asked if anyone asked them to stop playing the tapes. David said they have not. He said they contacted Mel's attorney and asked about her teeth and they just said as far as they knew, she's got all of her teeth.
Howard asked what the traffic is like on their web site now. David said they're going to put up another tape today at 9:30am and it's another really good one. Howard and David talked about the tapes they've been playing and what they were talking about in them. They talked about the tape they played yesterday and how Mel was yelling at Oksana about the Jacuzzi thing.
Howard asked David about the traffic they're getting now. David said it's a lot. He said they have millions hitting the site as soon as they put the audio up. They've been putting snippets out and it's going on every other web site and people are really interested in it.
Howard asked if that translates into money. David said they are making money now. He said they launched a year ago and they have established a name now. They have advertising and they're getting some big advertisers so they're doing well.
Howard asked if they know of anyone who paid for these tapes at any point. David said they don't think that anyone has. They believe that she released the tapes because of the threats that Mel was making to her. Howard said he can't imagine any judge letting those kids around Mel at all. Howard said people get angry but this guy sounds really out of control.
Howard and David talked about Mel threatening to burn down the house and things like that. Howard said that was going a little far for being upset about a blow job. Howard said he heard that Oksana was with Timothy Dalton before Mel. They talked about that for a short time too.
Howard asked David if he feels bad for Mel at all. David said he's so abusive and racist that he doesn't feel bad for him at all. He said the guy goes into these crazy rages and it's over simple things like Oksana falling asleep the night before.
Howard asked if there are any new ethnic slurs coming. David said he doesn't think there's anyone left to insult. There isn't anything about the Chinese or Asians or anything. He said that Mel hyper ventilates again today in the tape they're releasing. David said they have another one coming out soon where Mel uses the F-word 17 times in 2 minutes.
Howard said even Mel's agency dropped him and he would have been more impressed if they had stuck by him. David said he thinks that if they believe they can make money off the guy then they'll represent him. He said he may find someone to work with Mel even after all of this.
Howard said he heard about this movie that was being made with Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson and they did some test screenings so they went back to do some re-shoots and it was very weird on set with these tapes coming out now.
Howard asked David if he thinks that Mel is considering doing himself in over this. David said he thinks he's too narcissistic to do anything. He said that Mel may have some money problems based on what they heard in the latest tape they're going to release today. Howard said the guy is whacked out of his head so who knows what happened to his money.
Howard said he thinks that Mel will find a girl to date him even after this. David said that any celebrity can find a girlfriend. They just shouldn't fall asleep or run around with matches around the house.
Howard said he has to tell David that he can't wait to hear the next tape. Howard said that people are saying they don't care about the tapes but he would love it if they put one out every day for the next 10 years. David said the numbers don't reflect that on their site. He said they seem to have more and more traffic.
Howard gave David some plugs for the web site RadarOnline.com and told him that he loves the N-word tape the best so far. David said that one is pretty popular. Howard told David that Whoopi Goldberg doesn't think that he's racist. David said he heard that.
Howard asked David if he has a girlfriend. David said he has a wife. Robin said that she thinks the tapes do have legs and they might be just as good as those Pat O'Brien tapes. Howard said that she might be making a good argument. David agreed. Howard said he thought the Pat O'Brien tapes were really good though. Robin said they were but these are really good.
Howard and Robin talked about the tapes and how you can work things out without freaking out like Mel did. Howard said that they could talk about it in a calm manner but Mel wasn't able to do that.
Howard said that if this chick is like most chicks, she probably gives a bad blow job. Robin said she must be good if Mel is this upset about it.
Howard played some of the Mel and Oksana clips where Mel was yelling at her about the Jacuzzi. He was panting like a dog and screaming at her as Oksana remained calm.
Howard said that most men are thinking that it's over the top but they're also saying that in a lot of marriages this kind of thing happens. You think that you're going to get blown or fucked and it doesn't happen. Howard said guys can relate to this shit. Howard said guys will forgive him.
Robin said there are some guys who agree completely with Mel. Howard said they should ask Sal. He said that his wife isn't making any effort to blow him or fuck him. He said he's pretty sure Sal would agree with Mel. He said that Sal may be surprised that he's as calm as he is.
Howard played more of Mel yelling at Oksana about how she should have blown him before going to the Jacuzzi. Howard said Mel wears his heart on his sleeve. He said most guys would never say this. He said he's basically saying that he wants to be blown by her that bad that he's freaking out over it. Howard said he's not sure how she's treating him overall. He's not sure if this was just one blow job or more than that.
Howard played more of the audio where Mel was screaming and panting as he went off on Oksana. He was basically saying that he's Mel Gibson, he makes a ton of money that he's sharing with her and he's left his wife to have a child with her. He was saying that he comes home and he thinks he should get blown once in a while. Howard said that she falls asleep in the bed that she never makes and she's not blowing him. Howard said he knows a lot of guys like that who come home to a mess of a house after working their balls off. He said the wife does everything to avoid having sex and they feign sleep after doing nothing all day. He said it's understandable that guys would get upset about that.
Howard said Mel is a maniac and he's gone berserk but he gets it. He said he knows a million guys in this situation.
Sal came in and said that he kind of understands this but you don't punch her in the face... allegedly. Sal said that you hit her with a phone book so you don't see the damage. Sal said that the women are never too tired to go out shopping but they're always too tired to have sex. Sal said that she'll come home with four bags from Bloomingdales with her feet bloody from hauling them through the parking lot but she's too tired for sex.
Sal said his wife can go out all day long but he wants a decent sandwich and a blow job when he gets home. Howard said that if he didn't drop the N-word then things would probably be fine. No one is complaining about the use of the C-word in those tapes.
Howard said he had to take a break. He had to get to Alexa Ray Joel. He said that this is Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel's daughter. Howard said he's seen Alexa at times since he's friendly with Billy Joel. He said he knows too much about them. He said he's happy to have her there but it's strange too. He said he's never sat down and talked to her like this. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Alexa Ray Joel in the studio. Robin said the song must be about her. Howard said he's not sure about that. Alexa said the song isn't about her but the boat, Alexa, was named after her. She said that the song was about the boat and not about her. Howard asked if her father wrote other songs about her. She said she thinks that he has written a couple about her. She thought ''Baby Grand'' was about her but her father told her it was really just about a piano.
Howard said that Alexa is Billy's only child and he must have been moved by that. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if there were more songs about her. She said she's waiting for the ''Alexa'' album.
Howard asked Alexa about the pressure of growing up as the child of someone so famous. She said she feels that she has to live up to his legendary status so there is pressure there but on a personal level there isn't any pressure. Howard asked if people expect her to be Billy Joel when she goes on stage. She said that it's a different thing when she's on stage and she hopes that people can accept her for who she is.
Howard said Alexa was dressed pretty sexy today. Howard said she had hot pants on. She said they weren't hot pants. Robin said they were when she sat down. Howard said she's got a nice body too. Alexa thanked him for that. she said her father woke her up this morning and told her to cover up her bust a little bit today. Howard said he never noticed before today. He said that she's Billy's kid so he never looked at her like that. She said she's not a kid anymore though. She's 24 years old.
Howard said he's seen Alexa around like at her father's wedding. They never really got to talk. She said that she may have avoided him back then because she was 19 and kind of shy.
Howard said Alexa's life must have been kind of rough. He said that when she was born it was like royalty. He said that they made a lot of fuss over her. Alexa said it was really crazy back then because they were such a popular couple. She said she was 9 when they divorced. She said she remembers them being together and has some of the happiest memories of them when they were together.
Howard asked Alexa if the divorce ruined her. She said it wasn't that bad. She said she's seen a lot of divorces since then.
Howard said he felt bad for her because she had to testify in her mom's divorce from that guy Peter. Alexa said it was tough. She said that she had to go up against her ex-step-dad and it was very strange. She said that the girl he cheated with was there too so there was a lot of drama there. Howard asked if she talks to that guy anymore. She said she had a tough time talking to him when they were married. Alexa said she wants to bite her tongue because he is the father of her brother and sister. She said it's tough for the kids.
Howard asked if it was true that he physically abused her. She said she wasn't his favorite and he didn't like her. Alexa said it affected her self-esteem but she can look back on it and learn from it now. She said that he used to complain about the way she chewed her food. Alexa said there are people who want to hate her for who she is and others who want to love her.
Howard asked if her step-dad dragged her by the hair. She said that he was kind of physical that day but it wasn't that bad. She said she told her dad about it years later and he told her she should have said something earlier. Howard said he read that the step-dad put her head in a bucket too. She didn't want to stay on that subject. She wanted to move along.
Howard asked if she has rebelled. She said she does go out and drink like young people do. She said she's not as bad as a Lindsay Lohan though. She said she didn't get the appeal of going out and partying until this year.
Howard asked about her not having sex until 19. She said that she was a good kid and she didn't do anything until 19 or 20. Howard asked if it's hard having such a hot mom. She said it was kind of intense.
Howard asked if she wanted to go into music at an early age. Alexa said it was always about music. Howard asked if they told her that it was going to be a hard road to go down. She said that she was always the star around the house. She said her dad would play music and her mom would make her up and she'd perform.
Howard asked where she went to school. She went to school in the Hampton's. She grew up out there. Howard asked if she was the famous kid in school. Alexa said she's getting more well known now than she was back then. Howard asked if the kids just anted to be her friend because of who her father was. She said it wasn't like that. She said that she was shielded from the whole fame thing until she was 9 or 10. She didn't know they were celebrities when she was growing up. She just thought they were popular in town.
Howard asked Alexa if she questions the friendships she has when she's the daughter of a famous person. She said that she does at first. She said she did date a guy a few years ago who was a little too obsessed with her father. She said that he'd have to go smoke in another room when her dad would call. She said she decided not to introduce him to her father because of that.
Howard asked what she did when she was growing up as far as where she lived. She said she got to see her dad once a week and every other weekend. She said that the older she got the more she got to see her father. She said that kids should be allowed to go where they want and when they want when their parents divorce. She said it can feel like a tug of war when they argue over that.
Alexa said that Dad was great and her mom was a little stricter. She said that her dad still spoils her. She said she's been staying with him lately and he's so involved with her. She said he focuses on her a lot while she's staying there. She tells him to go back to work and stay busy.
Howard asked if she's ever been spanked by Christie Brinkley. Alexa said she hasn't. Howard said he can imagine that. Alexa said she had no words for him.
Howard asked Alexa if she would try lesbianism. She said she loves men. She said she admires women aesthetically and admires beauty. She said she will stare at a girl but she doesn't want to make out with them. Alexa said that some women kiss just to kiss at a bar and that's not what she's into.
Howard asked Alexa about how hard it is to be in the music business now. Alexa said these are challenging questions this morning. Howard said he could have played Billy Joel songs to find out if she knew her father's songs. She said she knows them all. Howard played one and she knew it within seconds. The second one she knew. The third one she got stumped on for a few seconds but she did figure it out after a few seconds more. Howard asked if she listened to Billy's music growing up. Alexa said that she didn't appreciate it so much when she was growing up but she does now.
Howard asked Alexa what she's into now. She likes The Killers, Kings of Leon and things like that. She even loves Cyndi Lauper, The Beatles and other stuff too. She said she's all over the place with her musical tastes.
Howard asked Alexa if she went to college. She said she went to NYU but dropped out. Alexa said it was great being in the musical theater thing but she thinks that she should have gone to Tish instead.
Howard asked what her career plan is now. She had a guitar player with her today. That was Cass Dillon and he's playing guitar for her. Howard asked Cass and Alexa if they're dating. Alexa said they did date briefly. She said they're now being professional and just working together. Cass said he's her guitar player. Howard asked if he's bad in bed. Alexa said they went out but they didn't even kiss. She said that he has been her date to things. She said she really didn't want to talk about it.
Howard asked if Cass wanted her. He said that there is a mutual attraction there. Howard asked what he's waiting for. There were no answers. Robin said that she thinks they may not be being honest with them. Howard said he heard that Alexa had a bad break up with another boyfriend. She said she felt she was blushing now. Howard asked about the rumor that she tried to kill herself. She said that what really happened was that she was very heartbroken and they had gone through a lot. She said that he put her through the mill even if he didn't mean to. She said that the guy was like 39 and it was hard. She said that she's not ready for a full blown thing right now. Alexa said that they were on and off for like 4 years. Alexa said that he had issues and he kicked her out of their apartment. She said she's a romantic and she wanted to make it work but he didn't think it was going to work. She said the whole dynamic changes when you don't live together.
Howard said that she should have called him to ask what to do. She said that she would have if they were buddies like they are now. Howard asked about the herbs that she took after that break up. She said it was something called Traumeel which is an anti-inflammatory thing. She said that she kind of had a freak out but she wasn't trying to kill herself. She said if she wanted to kill herself she could have used a knife or something. She said she was just trying to calm herself down. Alexa said she's a drama queen so she was saying she wanted to die. She was just being dramatic though.
Alexa said her mistake was calling 9-1-1. She said that no one else was around so she called to go to the hospital to calm down. She didn't know that the call was going to be released to the public. Alexa said she's actually upbeat and confident most of the time.
Howard told Alexa that she's extremely attractive and Cass must want to date her. He doesn't get what's going on. He asked if Alexa is dating anyone. She said that she hasn't had a guy in 2 years. She said that she had an unsatisfying thing last year with a guy but she's single. She said that she'd still free. Howard asked Cass what's with him. He should be on her.
Howard asked Cass if he'd be jealous if Alexa was with another guy. He said he'd be fine with it. Howard said he's playing it too cool. Howard said he has a guy in mind and he wants to know if he'd be upset if the guy was ''slamming her'' all the time. Cass thanked him for putting that into his head.
Howard said that Alexa has a new song out called ''Notice Me.'' He was asking if this was about Cass. Alexa said she can't deal with this so early in the morning.
Howard asked Alexa about Billy and Katie and what went on with them. Alexa said that she's still friendly with Katie. Howard said he read that she didn't get along with her. Alexa said you can't believe everything you read. She said that she didn't have time to talk to her that night they were talking about and she missed her. She wasn't trying to avoid her.
Alexa said she had just had her nose job done and she was wondering if people would notice. Howard said they did a good job on that nose job. He said it's nice and subtle. Alexa said that Katie asked if she was trying to avoid her and she told her she really didn't see her on the red carpet.
Howard asked Alexa about her parents both having a huge amount of money. He asked if she had an allowance. Alexa said she really didn't. She didn't know anything about money until just recently. She said it was just like whatever when she was growing up. She said when she moved into her own apartment it was like she was roughing it.
Howard asked what her first car was. Cass said she won't drive. Howard asked if she has a license. She said she doesn't drive but she's mostly in the city. Howard asked what's up with that and what is she trying to say to them. Alexa said she's got fears and driving is one of them. She said that she has been in cabs where the drivers scare the shit out of her. Howard said it's like swimming though and she should learn. Alexa said she's a late bloomer so maybe she'll learn later on in life. Howard said he thinks it would be a good way to find her independence. She said it has come up in therapy but it's going to take her a while to conquer it.
Howard and Alexa talked about her father and how he may or may not be thinking about having more kids. Alexa is the only child right now. Alexa said she'd be fine with it if he had more kids.
Howard asked Alexa to do her song now. She asked him to play the song too. Howard said he'd do that after the live performance. Cass and Alexa went into ''Notice Me'' after Howard asked when she wrote it. She said it was earlier this year when she wrote it. She said that it came to her in like a day or so. She said it was pretty quick.
After the song Howard said he was impressed that Cass could play the guitar. He said the song was very catchy too. Howard said the hard thing might be finding a record label. Alexa said she can put the music out on her own if she has to. The song is available on iTunes. She said that they're going to play it there at SIRIUS too. She said the song it getting some play out there. Howard said it's great to see her and that they got the chance to talk finally.
Cass told Howard that he's been listening to Howard since he was like 12. Alexa said she used to sneak and watch the TV show too. She said her mom wouldn't have liked that so she had to sneak it. Howard asked if her mom is dating anyone. Alexa said she doesn't think she is. She said the whole family is single at this point. Howard said he thinks she's wonderful and thanked them for coming in. He asked what song she wanted him to play as they went to break. Howard was going to play ''Beg You To Stay'' but she thought it would be better to play ''Notice Me.'' Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Billy Joel's ''Angry Young Man'' for a few seconds instead. Howard played them out to break with Alexa's ''Notice Me.''
Howard came back and said he has a cool Led Zeppelin coffee table book. He said it's one of only 2000 made. Howard said someone sent him a cool Superman coffee table book the other day too. He said that's pretty cool. Howard sang along with the song a little bit and talked about that Led Zeppelin book. He said that it's a lot of pictures of the guys in different outfits. He said it reminds him of those Twilight movies where that dude is in the movie with his shirt off the whole time. Howard said the latest Twilight was a lame ass movie. He said there's too much talking and the wolves don't even look that cool. Howard said they should get Mel Gibson to burn down her house in the next movie.
Howard got back to America's Got Talent and talked about the people who show up to audition. He said a lot of people appear to be practicing dancing in their basements and they get into weird costumes and dance synchronized. Robin said she's seen a lot of that and they claim they had to fight to get to dance like in Footloose. Howard said that's exactly what it's like. Howard said these guys will go nuts when they find out they get to go to Las Vegas. Howard said they had a dance group from India the other night. He said they got up in their Indian outfits and danced synchronized but no one gives a fuck. He asked who bases their whole future on something like that.
Howard said that the air guitar guys weren't even that good. They air guitar'd to an Ozzy song so Sharon Osbourne seemed to like that. They actually moved on to the next round.
Howard said he can't tell you how many dance troops there are in this country. He said there are fat chicks who do it and they insist on wearing tight clothes. Howard said you have to be really hot to dance in Las Vegas. Howard said the judges should just tell these people they're not good looking enough. He said there are no dance troops out there breaking through anywhere. He said they should be telling these people they're wasting their time.
Howard said the girls who dance on Dancing with the Stars are super hot. The show girls in Las Vegas are super hot. The girls dancing on America's Got Talent are fat and toothless. He said that's what he was watching on TV last night while Beth was out with her friends. Howard said the judges should tell the dancers that they could be blackjack dealers in Vegas, not dancers.
Howard said one kid was riding his bicycle near Nick Canon's face on the show. That led to Howard wondering how his radio show is doing now. Howard said he doesn't listen to that station anymore. They call it New York Now instead of K-Rock or Free FM. Howard said he can't believe that guy is married to Mariah Carrey. He said it seems like a train wreck of a marriage.
Howard talked about how heavy Mariah is and Robin was thinking that maybe she's been pregnant. Howard said maybe she's going to give birth to an 8 year old since she's been fat for so long. Howard said he's not sure the guy is having any success over there at the old station. He said that no one seems to have any luck when they take over for him there at 92.3. Howard wondered how incompetent they can be over there that they can't get any ratings. He said they're doing the same thing Z-100 is doing and playing less commercials but Z-100 beats them.
Howard said when he was on that station they were number one wherever they went. Now they can't get any ratings at all over there. He said that Imus used to claim he was the number 2 guy with certain people but he never was. He said they busted him on all of those claims he used to make about his listeners making more money than his.
Howard played the clip and Sheppard Smith was asking Michael Lohan about the smiling in the pictures of him smiling at dinner the night before. Michael said that he was eating with friends and his friend was doing karaoke. Smith said it was all so weird that he didn't know how to process it. Michael said that he doesn't have to worry about it. He said people are twisting situations around. He said he helps his daughter all the time and he took 5 minutes to have dinner and this is what happens.
Lohan said that Smith has no right saying what he says. He said that he spends a lot of time helping his kid and they have no right saying he doesn't. Michael said that they have no place saying that stuff.
Howard and Robin went over the clip and said that Smith was just asking why he was on Larry King talking about his kid when he shouldn't be. He should be out there helping the kid.
Howard said it's a weird dynamic there in the office because if Will had stepped in then people would have thought that he was sucking up. Howard said he has to pick someone to be in charge when Gary isn't there. He said he has to appoint someone to be second in charge. Howard said that people were afraid to get on the intercom and stuff like that. He said no one really knew who was in charge. He said that it was like a power vacuum.
Gary said he has a pretty definitive answer on this. He said it should be Will because he's in there with Howard almost every break. Howard said Will is kind of a downer though. He said he always looks unhappy with what went on with the show.
Will came in and said that a lot of people like to chat and yap a lot and some people should step back and not talk so much. He said he's the one who steps back.
Howard said Will doesn't know how to seize power. Gary knows how to do that. Howard said he doesn't think that Will should be second in command. He said Jon Hein might need to be the second in command. Howard said Will winced when he heard that. Will said that he and Jason have been there the longest so they should have some ability to know what's going on there.
Gary said Jon Hein might have the right personality but Will has the information. He said that Will may not have what Gary has. Will said he might have a different style but that doesn't mean it's better or worse. Will said he would like to be number 2 there. Howard said he should have seized the power yesterday. Will said he didn't want to step on Jason's toes. He said he's not going to do that to the guy.
Howard told Will that he beat cancer so he should beat Jason like he's cancer. Will said that's a big tumor. Howard said Jason was seizing power yesterday. He took care of that web site stuff. He said that Jason is now Doug Hurwitt's boss. Gary didn't know that since he wasn't there yesterday.
Howard said he'll let Will be that person but he's not sure it's going to work. He said that he finds Will to be a downer at times. Will said he's not a downer, they just have a weird chemistry. Gary said that he's not going to take off any more days, just like Jay Leno.
Gary said that he's in good health and he just had a great check up. Howard said he thinks he might have an enlarged prostate. He said he pees a lot and he pees in his underpants. Will asked if he ever presses on his ''chod'' a lot. He meant the ''taint'' area. He asked if Howard does that to get his prostate going. Howard said he doesn't do that. Robin said that she just learned that men have a g-spot and it's in the prostate area. Robin said she saw a woman on Rachel Ray talking about that. Howard said no guy has a g-spot down there.
Sal told Howard to splash cold water on the head of his penis and 6 or 7 more drops will come out so he won't dribble in his pants. Howard said he doesn't touch his penis when he pees. He said he pulls down the size of his underpants and pees. He doesn't want to dirty his hands. He said he can hold his penis with his underpants and pee and shake it without touching it. He said he should be on America's Got Talent with that.
Gary asked if he's ever taken it out and it starts to go in different directions. Howard said that has happened. He's also had it spray in 3 different directions. Robin told Howard about an episode of ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' where Larry David peed and the pee landed on a Jesus picture and he left it there. The people then thought that their Jesus picture was crying.
Howard had the guys bring in the kid, John, who is 15 years old. His voice was cracking so Howard asked if it's changing now. He said it started to change last year. Howard asked if he's shaving yet. John said he's not yet. Howard said this kid has a good mom because she got him braces. Howard said his mom didn't do that for him. He said that he could have had a jaw line if he had braces.
Howard kept asking John if his mom told him to say stuff to him like telling him he was a good looking guy. Howard said he heard that his mom is a total stage mom and a nudnik. John said she's cool.
Howard asked John if he really wants to be an actor. John said he does. He said they did another film after the film festival thing. He said it wasn't a commercial film or anything.
Howard had the guys bring in John's mom, Susan, who said that she isn't a stage mom. She said that it was her idea to come on the show but John is happy to be part of it. Howard said they had a t-shirt with Hobin Films on it. He didn't remember that was the name of the record label that he and Robin came up with.
Howard said he heard stories about Susan trying to be Artie's assistant and things like that. Susan said she is a superfan and she sends out letters in bulk trying to get noticed. She said that she's really not pushing John into this. She said he has plenty of other interests.
Howard thanked Susan for coming in and let her leave. Howard said she's kind of hot. Howard asked John if his friends tell him that. He said they don't. Howard asked if he has a dad around too. John said he does and they are married.
Howard asked John if he has kissed any girls yet. He said he has kissed a girl when he was 14. Howard said he had some girls by that age. He said the one kiss is doing pretty good at 14. John said there was no tongue. Howard said girls don't like that anyway.
Howard found out that John just wanted to get on the show so the whole record thing was just a ploy to get on. He said that he's been playing guitar for like 4 or 5 years now. Howard said he likes this kid. He played him in that film festival movie.
Howard asked John about his grades in school. He said that he had some C's last year but before that he was doing pretty good. Howard said he was looking for a singer so he can't sign him to a record deal.
Howard asked John if he ever watches porn on the internet. John said he doesn't want viruses so he doesn't visit those sites. Howard asked if he has his own computer. John said he does. He said he doesn't keep track of Facebook that much so he's not sure how many friends he has. Howard asked if he's a geek or a nerd or does he play sports. John said he doesn't play sports at all. He told Howard he could call him a nerd.
Howard told John not to worry about being a nerd now. He told him to just look at his wife to see that it doesn't matter. Howard said he's having some fun with Beth. Howard said that maybe some day he'll be lucky enough to have a girl 18 years younger than him. He said his future girlfriend might be being born right now.
Howard said he likes that this kid doesn't even look at porn. He said he used to look at underwear ads at his age just to get off. He said he knew all of the bras from the newspaper.
Howard asked John if he went to summer camp. John said he never went. Howard said he hooked up with chicks at summer camp. John said he just hangs out during the summer. He said his mom has him going to pageants and stuff. He was just kidding about that.
Howard asked John if he cares about playing the guitar. John said he really doesn't. He said he likes the Beatles and Led Zeppelin. He can play Heartbreaker on the guitar. He can play some Pink Floyd too.
Howard asked John to play something for them. John said he'd play ''Wish You Were Here.'' They set him up with his guitar and John played whatever he was comfortable with. Howard said he has a feeling his mom pushed him into this so he didn't care what he played.
Howard asked Fred if he had the lyrics to the song. Fred didn't have them so Howard gave up. John started to play but the guitar was out of tune so he had to tune it up first. John then played some of ''Wish You Were Here.'' Howard sang a little bit with him but John seemed to be thrown off. He told Howard to start singing when he started playing again. Howard had him start over so he could try again.
Howard said that was enough and he was going to throw him and his mother out of there now. Howard said he likes John even though the whole interview was pointless. Howard congratulated him on getting that kiss from the girl. He said he hopes he doesn't grow up to be like Mel Gibson. He asked John if he's tried any drugs or alcohol yet. John said he hasn't tried any of that stuff. He joked that he and Artie did some heroin together.
Howard asked John what girls he's into. He likes Amber Herd from Pineapple Express. He's not that into Miley Cyrus. Howard said he's not sure why but he could talk to this kid all day. Robin said it's because it's like looking at himself. Howard said that might be why.
Howard said he and John should hang out. John said he'd like to do that. Howard said this kid is cool. He said he'd like to have a kid like this. He likes that he's trained. Kind of like his dog was trained when they bought her. Howard said he can't do this all morning with him though.
Howard asked what he's going to do today. John said that they're probably going to go visit Strawberry Fields and then get something to eat. Howard had him play some Zeppelin before he left since he didn't know how to play any Beatles songs.
Howard asked John if he'd like it if he were his father. John said he'd like it. Howard said he's not sure his kids like him. Howard asked John if he likes comic books. John said he doesn't read them but he likes the Iron Man movies and things like that. Howard said he'd like to watch the movie with a son. He said once he signs him for a record deal then he can call him Dad.
Howard asked John if he's afraid that his face is going to transform into something horrible like it did with him. John said he hopes that he can keep his looks. Howard told John to go out and have some fun today. He told him to keep them updated on what he's up to.
Howard let John go and said he really liked that kid. He said that he didn't want to let him go. He was having trouble doing that. Howard said he's good with kids and talking to them. Howard said he always thought he was going to be the cool dad. He's not sure why his kids don't like him that much. Robin said it's because he's too strict. She said that he'll never qualify as a cool dad. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that Sal is like the original Mel Gibson. Howard asked Robin what she was eating. She was eating Artichoke hearts. She said they were grilled. Howard said she has fun every minute of her life. She eats that and then has her green drink. Robin said she had a green juice there too. Robin said she's not the one who has to take Ambien either. Robin said she was up until about midnight. She was out at a tennis match. She got up at 4 after going to bed around Midnight. Robin said she's perfectly well rested after that 4 hours. Robin said most days she doesn't go to bed until 11.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone to play his gossip game. Howard told him they had that guy David on the phone today. Mike said they're doing a smashing job over there at RadarOnline.com. Howard asked Mike if he's angry that David left the Enquirer. Mike said he's not and they should be doing with their web site what they're doing with theirs. He said David had to go off and do his thing and they didn't think much of it. He's doing a great job though.
Howard and Mike talked about the ''smock'' comment that Larry made about Howard and how Chaunce Hayden didn't ask him if he meant ''schmuck.'' Howard said he thinks that it just got confused somewhere along the line. Howard said he's pretty sure Larry said ''schmuck.''
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that the Wrap up Show is going to do their show live from the Hard Rock Cafe next Wednesday. Fans can hang out there and watch as they do the show. Howard said that would be great to be able to sit in on the Wrap Up Show.
Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric turning down a job offer. He turned down the job from an employer who said that Eric didn't want to go out to Long Island to fill out paperwork.
Gary told Howard that they have the latest Mel Gibson tape to play. Howard said they'd do that after Jon Hein did his thing.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line next. Mutt said they're going to have John and his mom on the show tonight. They're also going to talk about the second in command thing. Superfan Roundtable is on at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these Mel Gibson tapes are great. He said he couldn't stop listening to it yesterday. Howard asked the guy if he understands Mel's frustration over the way this girl treats him. The caller said that he this level of anger is crazy and you usually only see it when a meth addict has his meth stolen. Howard said he reacted like that when he saw the stock prices of SIRIUS stock.
Howard played the tape and this time Mel was going off on Oksana about how much money he's spent on her and how she made him lose his box seats at some stadium. He said he had spent 5 million on her and his wife knows that it's her. Howard tried to figure out what it was that he was so upset about. He went over everything with Robin and wondered if he's out of line for being upset that he's not getting blown since he took away her record contract. He and Robin went over that and tried to figure out what was going on. Robin said it sounds like all he wants is a blow job.
Howard played more of the clip and Oksana said she didn't want him anymore either. She said she knows that Mel doesn't love her and he's some completely off balance person. She wondered why he hates her so much. Mel claims that she used him. He was growling like an animal as he yelled at her. He was panting again in this one too. Oksana says that he ruined her life and didn't give her a penny. Mel said she gave her nothing but grief and bad publicity. He called her a cunt too. Oksana told him he was mean and that led to Mel calling her more names and said that he'd like to show her what ''mean'' really is. She eventually hung up on him. Fred threw in some Sam Kinison ''OH OHHHHHHH!'' clips at the end of that.
Howard said he likes that he didn't make any racial slurs in this one. He was just making a point about her mooching off of him. He said he's trying to see his side of this. He said that he did take some low blows at her though. At one point he said that her son is a mess. Howard said he was also calling her a gold digger and things like that. He said that was pretty low.
Howard said he's learning a lot about Mel's life now. He said they should tape him for a reality show. He said this could be the greatest show ever.
Howard said he forgot to play the Larry King and David Letterman tape earlier. He went into that and played a top 10 list that Letterman did about Larry on his show one night. They were goofing on Larry pretty bad in that top 10 list. After that Larry called Letterman to say he was offended. Howard said he can imagine that call. He did an impression of Larry complaining to Dave. Howard said he's sure Dave didn't even get on the phone. Howard said Dave made an apology after that. In that clip Dave said that Larry was offended so they weren't looking to do that. He said that Larry has troubles of his own. Dave said that someone from his staff said that he was upset and Larry could drop dead at any moment. Dave said he doesn't want to cause any trouble in his life so he's sorry.
Howard said he's seen Larry on Letterman and Letterman is laughing at him and not with him. Howard said Larry thinks that he could be a stand-up comedian but he's just not funny. Howard said Larry claims that he could have been a comedian and he's told that story before. He said Larry is a fucking moron thinking that he could do his job too. Howard said Larry was getting $10 million a year to do that show. He said he was the luckiest man in show business. Larry lost his ratings as soon as he had any kind of competition though.
Robin read about how Oprah had her lowest ratings ever a couple of weeks back. She was beat by Judge Judy. Howard said that idiots must watch those court shows. He said he can't imagine watching the same stupid thing on those shows.
Robin read a story about a woman who has huge Triple K-cup breast implants and now has a Staph infection. She had 30 surgeries to get the breasts as large as they are. Howard wondered why a surgeon would do that to a woman. He said that maybe some are hurting for business but they can't be hurting that bad. Robin said she could lose her life to this infection. Howard did a live commercial and then to another commercial break.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read about Lindsay Lohan and her 90 day jail sentence. She could be making some money off of this with pre and post-jail time interviews.
Robin read some news about George Steinbrenner's death and that led to them talking about how good George was to some people. Howard told a story about a kid who was caught spray painting Yankee Stadium and George too him into the team and turned his life around. The guy still works for the Yankees to this day.
Howard told another story about a girl who needed surgery for her skull and Steinbrenner gave the family the $15,000 that they needed if they promised to never tell anyone. Now that he's dead, the girl has revealed what he did for her. Howard said there are some articles coming out about Steinbrenner and how he wasn't all that great to some of his employees. Howard said it sounded like he ran the team like the Mafia. Howard said the story was wild. Howard had some tape to play where they talked about some of that stuff. Howard played the tape and said he'd like to know if the guy was good or bad. It's hard to tell.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin writing that she doesn't believe that the Tea Party is harboring racists after the NAACP came out saying that they did. Palin also announced that her daughter is engaged to Levi Johnston, the father of her child. Howard said that they're only 19 and 20 years old. He said that whole family sounds unstable.
Robin read that it was 25 years ago that they did Live Aid. Howard said he thought it was more like 50 years ago. They weren't sure what that concert was all about. Howard asked Robin how Eritrea is doing. Robin said that they built the school that they wanted to have build there. She said it's going to be a long process to save that country. Robin said she was looking at the footage from Live Aid an Phil Collins still had hair back then. Howard said Bob Geldof still had a career too.
Robin read a story about a survey that was done where they asked citizens about the biggest problems in this country. Robin said it's the economy that people are worried about. Howard said his biggest problem is the SIRIUS stock.
Robin read a story about a weight loss drug that may hit the market soon. The FDA is saying that they have some issues with it so it still has to go through some more tests.
Robin read that Apple is going to have a press conference tomorrow. She said they're not saying what it will be about but some people think that it could be a recall or something to help fix the iPhone 4 reception problems.
Robin read a story about the doctor who helped the Octomom who is in trouble for possibly transferring too many embryos into another woman. They say that the woman's life was in danger because she was pregnant with quadruplets. Howard said he can't imagine anyone wanting that many kids at once. He said he saw Octomom's day on some TV show and it's pure insanity. He said her house is like a mad house.
Robin read that Ford is revealing a new Sync system today. Howard was still on the Octomom story and talking about how he can't even take care of 14 plants, never mind kids.
Robin said that the new Ford Sync system is coming out and she had some audio of a woman talking about how much she loves it.
Robin read a story about the Times Square bombing suspect making a tape ahead of time. Robin had Howard play the tape and the guy was saying that he said that the attack was going to be revenge on the U.S. for things that were going on around the world. They had a few clips of him talking about why he was doing this. He said that they're going to defeat democracy. Howard said those are crazy, kooky people. He said they're like rats and he's not sure how they're going to catch them. One day they're going to get a nuclear weapon and really screw things up. Howard said he has a solution for that but it's in that Mel Gibson territory.
Robin read about how Winston Churchill's lisp correcting teeth are going up for auction. Howard said he's going to get them and make Gary wear them. Gary said they're like 100 years old. Howard didn't care. Howard said he always buys the wrong thing and it's never worth anything. Those teeth will probably end up being worth a million dollars 20 years from now. Howard said the thing he got was SIRIUS stock and look at that. He said he was going to check the price while Robin read some more news.
Robin read a story about the BP oil leak and how they're trying to cap it with a new cap. She said that BP is still trying to do tests on it since it's leaking in a line attached to the cap. Howard said the SIRIUS stock was up to 95 cents. With any luck it'll be up to 96 by tomorrow.
Robin read about Dick Cheney getting a new heart valve put in. She said that his heart must not have any original parts in it at this point.
Robin read about a man who was bitten several times by a rattlesnake. He was going to pick up his dogs when he was bitten. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about what happened to the man. The guy said that the snake had his eyes on the dog when the man was bitten. Howard said we should wipe out all of the snakes. Robin said there is an ecosystem going on and you can't just wipe them out for no good reason.
Robin read a story about a toddler that died after being left in a hot car for two hours. Robin said that the mother left the 2 year old in the car while she went to an appointment with the 4 year old.
Robin read a story about tobacco flavoring being regulated and how the tobacco companies are saying it doesn't cause anymore harm to people. Other people say that it encourages people to smoke so technically it would cause problems.
Robin read about how Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Streissand are going to be at an event with President Obama. There will be a bunch of other big celebrities there.
Robin read about the new movie ''Inception'' and had some audio of Michael Cain talking about working with Leonardo DiCaprio. Howard played the clip and Cain was saying he loves DiCaprio. Howard said that guy knows how to kiss ass so he can keep working. Howard did an impression of Cain telling Leonardo how to ''rub his chod'' like Will had told him to do earlier in the morning.
Robin had some audio of Angelina Jolie talking about her new movie too. They goofed on her wacky comments for a short time.
Robin had some audio of Robert Duvall talking about his new movie. Howard said he's coming on the show on Monday. Robin mentioned that Penelope Cruz got married and wrapped up her news after that. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Gary said they have to talk about Howard talking about Will being a downer too. Jon asked Will what he thought of that. Will said that he's gotten over that whole thing. He said that he and Howard don't have the same relationship that he and Gary do. He said they may never have that but he thinks he can be a good producer. Will said he can feed him things that he needs.
Jason said that Will is like Artie in that way. He said Artie didn't fill the Jackie chair, he came in and did things his own way.
Gary said that Jason contributes a lot to the show and comes up with different angles for the show. He said that he takes it to Howard himself but Jason is good with that. Jason said he's fine with Will having this title.
Jason said that he's not a great diplomat but he thinks he could be a good producer. Jon asked Jason how the web site thing is going. Jason said there is still a problem with the web site but Doug Hurwitt has been very receptive to his suggestions. He said that they're going to come up with some new ideas and go with it. He said it won't cost them anything either. He said they have 30,000 pictures that aren't utilized at all so they should be taking advantage of that. Jason said he had to make sure he said ''pictures'' right because people have yelled at him about saying ''pitchers.''
Jon asked Gary if he knew what was going on with the show yesterday. He said that Jason did fill him in on a lot of stuff. He said that he and Howard had a conversation about the book foreword thing and how he doesn't think that he really needs one. Gary said he never asked Howard to do one either. Jason said that's so they can stick Howard Stern's name on the cover of the book.
Gary said he was listening to what he could yesterday. He said he was doing a lot of driving so he was able to tune in for a lot of the show. He said that it was tough to hear the show and not be able to call in. He said he needed a button in his car to tell Howard some stuff that was going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they could be talking about Will having that second in command. He said that Gary must be worried about his job. Gary said that someone has to be ready to take over if he's not there for whatever reason. Gary said that it does happen once in a while but he tries not to be out. The caller said Gary never takes off. Jason said Gary did take a day off at K-Rock when he had kidney stones. Gary said he went to the hospital at 4:30 in the morning and passed a stone at 5:45. He got to work by 6:30.
The caller told the guys that Howard's cell phone is causing the cable to freeze up. He said Howard has to shut off his cell phone. Gary said that's ridiculous. The caller said his cell phone causes his TV picture to freeze up. The guys didn't think he was right about that but they'd tell Howard about it so he can give it a try.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Will if he could work for Jason if he had to. Will and Jason said they have a good working relationship. Will said that Jason is the producer of Geek Time and he sees him working on that and he thinks he could deal with it if he had to. The caller said that no one likes Jason there but Gary said he does. The caller refused to believe that he was liked by anyone there.
Steve Brandano was saying that he looks at himself like a sixth man there and he knows how to do things but he's not sure Howard has any idea of what he does. He said that he couldn't jump in front of Jason and Will but he has done Will's job before when he's been out.
Jason asked if Steve was upset that Jon's name was mentioned by Howard today. Steve said he thinks they all were. Jon asked him what he did wrong. Steve said he was just kidding. Steve was also upset that Gary still calls him Steve the Intern. He said he goes by Steve Brandano now. He said he'd like to be called that from now on so if he has to find a job after this one, he can do it without people thinking he's an intern.
Steve said he gets bummed out when they talk about people moving up and no one mentions his name. He said he knows he hasn't been around as long as everyone else but he gets bummed that they don't think about him. Gary told him to just imagine the way Scott the Engineer feels. Jason said he knows what it's like to work really hard on something and get no credit. He said that happened with him out in Vegas when he produced the show out there. It's tough but you just have to do it.
Steve was complaining that some of the other guys are the ones who think that he can handle the job he has now and Gary didn't. He said that the other guys vouched for him when Gary didn't know him that well. Gary said he was willing to take that idea to Howard though. He said he feels responsible for getting him that job. Steve said he thinks that the other guys helped.
Steve said he has learned a lot from Will and Jason and he's not trying to take their jobs or anything. Jon asked why he's hatin' on him then. Steve said that he doesn't know. He said that he should ask the other guys. Jon asked what he did wrong. Steve said he didn't do anything wrong.
Ralph called in and said that he loves Steve but he's a weird guy. He said he's kind of quiet but he's got a lot of anger in him. He said that he might have to be more assertive and not get angry when he doesn't say anything and then gets upset.
Steve said he's not angry. He said working there you notice that there are people who do a lot of ''notice me'' stuff around there and it's tough to be around. Will said that he might be talking about Sal and Richard and how they used to be willing to do anything to get on the air.
Steve said he's not sure how to get this out. He said that people will take credit for sending a clip out or something and people will make fun of you for taking credit. He said that keeps people from sending stuff. Jason said that stuff can get kind of obnoxious. He said that there are people who do that there a lot when they produce something.
Ralph told Steve he has to step up and ask for more money and things like that. He said he has to be more assertive because no one is going to fight for him other than himself. Jon said that the work has to speak for itself and you'll get some notice and get your due.
Jason said that he had Gary pull him aside one day years ago and tell him how good of a job he was doing. He said that meant a ton to him.
Steve said that he's not getting paid all that much and he can't even afford rent. He has a sheet on his desk with all of the stuff he has to pay for and he's not making enough to cover it. He said that the guys there have to cover him with food and clothes there.
The guys talked about how they've gone to ask for raises and stuff before. Jason said he went into a meeting with Tom Chiusano one times and he was making about 19,000 at the tine. He got a 3 percent raise on that. He said that it was like 20 bucks a week. Jason said that as he was walking out Tom told him it was customary to shake his hand so he went back and did that but he wasn't treating him right. He went off on Tom for treating him like that and Gary and Jon said he was being a little harsh. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard didn't even hesitate to ask if she was banging the guitar player. Gary said he thinks that there's something going on between the two of them. They spent a few minutes talking about that and playing some clips from the interview.
Jon said that Alexa was very up front about the problems she had with Peter Cook too. Gary said that it must have been tough to hear her parents fighting when she was 10 years old. IT doesn't matter how much money you have when that's going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who got the guys talking about how upset some people get when they have the kids of celebrities on the show. Gary said Alexa can sing and she wasn't hawking a reality show or anything. She actually has a talent and she's not just there because she has famous parents.
Another caller said that she can't sing. Gary and Shuli both said that they disagree. Gary said she was better than someone singing karaoke in a bar. Jon said she does have a voice. He said that kid John wasn't able to play very well. He said that's the difference there.
That led to the guys talking about John Rebello and how he did good with Howard, other than the guitar playing. Jon asked if they think that his mom wrote the letter to Howard or if it was the kid. Gary said he's not sure. Will said that the mom said she helped with the letter. He said the kid seems like a sweet guy and he admitted he couldn't play guitar and that was just a ploy to get on the air. He said he was kind of pissed about that. He said they got their way and he thinks that the mom may have had something to do with that. He said the kid was a sweet kid but the mom probably came up with the plan to get him on the air.
Shuli said that the family always popped up at comedy shows and stuff. He said he knows a lot about the kid even though he had never met him before. He said that he gets updates from the mom and dad about what he's up to. He said the mom is pushing hard for him.
A caller said he thinks that Alexa was pretty stable and all but he had 15 people in his house and it was tough on them just as much as it would be with a rich family. He said that the money thing doesn't have anything to do with being sheltered. He said that his family was so dysfunctional that if you look the word up in the dictionary, their picture is probably in there. He said they had money and it really doesn't stop people from getting hurt. They had to end the show a short time later.
Best of the Week was over around 12:35pm.