MarksFriggin.com - Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 4/12/99 to 4/16/99

-- Monday April 12, 1999 --

Scott The Engineer's Public Reaming. 4/12/99. 6:05am
Howard returned from his one week vacation this morning and the first thing he did was read a memo from the head engineer, Ritchie Herbie, about how Scott the Engineer spilled a drink on his board. Scott explained that he spilled a bowl of cereal on a phone hybrid last Wednesday and admitted it to his boss, Ritchie. Scott said Ritchie told him it was no big deal but when he came in this morning the memo was posted on his door. It was also sent out to just about everyone at the station. It basically said that Scott spilled the drink on some equipment and that it could happen to anyone who brings a drink near the equipment. It was a warning to everyone else in the station not to spill. If you were wondering what kind of cereal Scott was eating, it was Crispix.
Captain Janks Hits MSNBC. 4/12/99. 6:40am
While Howard was on vacation last week Captain Janks was busy making a phony phone call to MSNBC. He called in this morning and played the call for Howard. Janks called in as one of MSNBC's reporters from Belgrade and they let him right through. You can hear the call yourself if you visit www.captainjanks.com
The Kathie Lee Gifford Story. 4/12/99. 7:45am
Howard spent a little while reading an article about Kathie Lee Gifford from the National Enquirer. The article was about Kathie Lee's first husband and it basically confirmed everything that Howard has thought of her. Her ex-husband said that Kathie Lee was a liar and would do anything to further her career. Howard was fascinated by the story.
Miscellaneous Time Killers. 4/12/99. 8:10am
There wasn't any major happenings on the show today so Howard spent time taking phone calls and stuff like that. At one point the subject of Gary's giant teeth came up so they spent some time talking about how they could fix them. Gary said he'd be willing to go through another tooth make-over if Howard's dentist thinks there's something that can be done. Howard also spent a while on the phone with a guy who said his 11 year old son thinks he's gay. Howard told the guy he might want to get the kid into therapy right away.. either that or just ignore it and let the kid figure it out for himself.
Marty Ingels Update. 4/12/99. 9:40am
The Friday before Howard went on vacation Howard spoke to this guy Marty Ingels and his wife Shirley Jones about them being a part of this Parent Television Council thing. This morning Howard read a note from Marty saying that after the phone call Shirley resigned from the PTC and the PTC was so upset with Marty that they kicked him out. This made Howard happy and said it was just common sense for Shirley to get out of something she didn't agree with.
Doug Goodstein From E! Gets Engaged. 4/12/99. 9:45am
Howard had to lecture yet another guy on the show about how he shouldn't get married. Doug Goodstein from E! got engaged last week to his girlfriend of 2 ½ years. Howard, Gary, Stuttering John and Ralph the fag all ganged up on Doug to tell him how he's making a huge mistake. They were calling it an ''intervention.'' Doug said that he's getting married because this is the longest relationship he's ever had with a woman. He also said that he'd like to have kids in 3 or 4 years. Howard pointed out that he didn't say that he wants to get married because he loves this woman. According to Howard Doug is the kind of guy who's tempted by hot looking women all the time and he shouldn't make the mistake of getting married when he's having a great time already. Howard had the same discussion with Gary before he got married. Today Gary was backing Howard up about everything he was saying. Back then Gary thought that his marriage would be different from others but it's not. This ''intervention'' lasted for over 35 minutes and by the end of it Doug seemed to be cracking. He said that he spent almost $10,000 on the engagement ring and was thinking about getting it back.. I think he was kidding about that though. Doug has a year and a half to get out of the engagement so we'll have to wait and see what happens.
Kari Wuhrer Calls In. 4/12/99. 11:10am
Actress Kari Wuhrer called in very late in the show today. Kari is in the Sci-Fi channel show ''Sliders'' and was also in the movie ''Anaconda'' a few years back. She called in to talk about her relationship with Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters but she ended up just rambling about nonsense for 20 minutes. Howard wanted to find out what the deal was with her and Grohl but she was acting kind of strange. She did say that the two of them met after Grohl saw her in Maxim magazine. He called her and they hooked up. Howard guessed that the two of them slept together on the first date and eventually Kari admitted to it. Howard told Kari that she's really hot looking but her horrible personality is hard to take. He told Kari that's the reason guys don't stay with her very long. They just want to bang her and get the hell out of the room. Kari was on the show about 9 years ago and Gary said that he remembered her to be one of the most self absorbed people he's ever met. Howard suggested that if he could just write a script for her she'd be the perfect woman. He could have her just read one line instead of ramble on and on about nonsense. Howard told Kari that she should just ''..do the world a favor and learn sign language..'' Kari seemed to take it all in good fun. She didn't really get upset about any of what he was saying. Howard told her that the next time she's in town she should stop in. She said she tried to do that recently but Gary told her that she wasn't recognizable enough to the show's audience. Howard thinks that after this call she's interesting enough to have on the show.
-- Tuesday April 13, 1999 --
Stephen Baldwin Calls In. 4/13/99. 7:15am
Actor Stephen Baldwin called in to complain about a bad review that was written about his restaurant Alaia's. Stephen complained that the New York Post had a good review for the restaurant one day and 5 days later another guy gave it a horrible review. Howard first had to point out that one night Stephen was hitting on his 15 year old daughter at a concert. Howard said his daughter came home one night and said that Stephen was dancing and hitting on her at some concert she was at. She was thrilled, Howard wasn't. She's only 15 years old. Stephen didn't really have anything to say about it though so Howard let him vent about his bad review. His complaining didn't come off that great because a bunch of listeners called in and told him to shut up and move on with his life. Howard read the review and it did sound like the writer had a personal agenda against the Baldwin boys so maybe Stephen had a point. He ended up calling the reviewer, Steve Kuozo, a prick. Stephen also said he'd like Howard to sample the food for himself to see just how good, or bad, it really is.
Howard's Hair Removal. 4/13/99. 7:55am
Howard mentioned that he went to this place called Completely Bare to have some hair removed from his back recently. They use some kind of laser-like process to kill off unwanted hair. He explained how they smeared a cold gel substance on his back and shoulders and zapped the hair. It doesn't fall out right away though. They told him it would take about 10 days and it'll just fall right out. Howard said he can't stand body hair so that's why he's having it done. His buddy Ralph showed up and called him a fag for doing it but that didn't stop him. Howard was thinking of having his chest done but they told him it might hurt more than the back because the laser light bounces off of the rib cage or something like that.
George Stephanopoulos Interview. 4/13/99. 8:20am
Howard played tape of this guy Joe from WBCN up in Boston interviewing George Stephanopoulos at a book signing. Joe only got to ask 4 questions before George was whisked away...
- What would you say to President Clinton if you were alone in a room with him?
- Have you ever witnessed Al Gore laughing?
- How many chicks have you banged on your book tour?
- Are you gay?
George answered the first two questions with boring answers.. When Joe asked the question about banging chicks though, George was taken away from Joe.
A Trip To The Homo Room. 4/13/99. 8:50am
For the first time in a long time Howard and Fred made a trip to the Homo Room as Out of the Closet Stern and Blackswell. They had two gay guests down in the Homo Room.. Gay Jaffe, an old friend of the show, and Paul, an ex-male prostitute. For those who aren't familiar with the Homo Room, it's when Howard and Fred put on gay voices and talk about gay stuff... usually with Gay guests. Howard and Fred actually let their gay sides show through quite well.. Too well. Out of the closet Stern(OOTC Stern) did most of the talking today. He asked Jaffe and Paul a bunch of questions about being gay. He found out that Paul had gay sex for the first time at 8 years of age. Jaffe was 10 years later at 18. Jaffe is a comedian and now a movie writer/producer. His movie ''Hit and Runway'' is showing at the L.A. Film Festival this weekend and it's sold out. Paul, a former male prostitute just came in to hang out in the Homo Room. He didn't have anything to promote. Paul told OOTC Stern that he used to make $200 an hour as a prostitute but he's now back to being a nurse. OOTC Stern also spent some time asking Jaffe and Paul who they'd choose if they had a choice between two men. Some of the choices were:
- Wesley Snipes or Chris Rock
- Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck
- Drew Carrey or Norm MacDonald
- Ryan O'Neal or Lee Majors
- David Letterman or Jay Leno
Jaffe chose Snipes, Bugs, Norm, Lee Majors and David Letterman as his favorites. Paul needed more time to think about his choices though. Eventually Howard headed out of the Homo Room and back ''upstairs'' to the studio. Howard's normal voice came back and he let Jaffe plug his movie.
Dr. Steven Lamm Comes In. 4/13/99. 9:35am
Dr. Steven Lamm claims that he can pick out men who might have an erectile disfunction just by looking at them. Howard brought in a bunch of guys for Lamm to check out to see if he could pick out the one who actually has a problem.. KC. Dr. Lamm looked at Gary, Donnie the intern, Mike Gange, Bucky the sales guy, Jackie and KC. He told most of the guys he was ''concerned'' about them because they were either fat or smokers. When he saw KC he said that he didn't see a problem. Everyone else said they've never had a problem getting aroused but KC has. More than 5 times KC has been unable to perform with a woman. So Dr. Lamm said it's probably a psychological problem, not physical. He said that he should get checked out both physically and mentally to see just what his problem is. You can get more info and tips on erectile disfunction at www.rxcast.com. Dr. Lamm has also written a book called ''The Virility Solution : Everything You Need to Know About Viagra, the Potency Pill That Can Restore and Enhance Male Sexuality'' and he'll be appearing at the Erotica USA convention at the Jacob Javits convention center this coming weekend.
-- Wednesday April 14, 1999 --
Myze The Insect Eater. 4/14/99. 6:50am
This guy Myze came in to eat some insects for no particular reason this morning. He told Howard that he's been doing this since he was about 13 or 14 years old. He brought in 3 dozen crickets and a dozen cockroaches to eat. He said he got them right from his own sink! Howard had the guy start doing it right away and you could hear the crunching through the microphone. He was taking the bugs, tossing them up in the air and catching them in his mouth like popcorn. He started off with the crickets and moved on to the cockroaches soon after. He said they taste like rancid potatos. I guess he's had rancid potatos before also. Myze said he also eats goldfish and smashes beer cans on his head. Apparently he was doing the beer can smash on his head before he came up to the studio. He had bruises and lumps on his head from doing that. Myze didn't have anything to plug, he just wanted to get on the show I guess.
Robin Givens Comes In. 4/14/99. 7:30am
Actress Robin Givens came in to promote ''Michael Jordan, An American Hero'', a Fox Family channel show she's appearing in this Sunday. A lot of people confuse Robin Quivers with Robin Givens. Quivers is Howard's Robin and Givens is the one who was married to Mike Tyson. Most of the interview consisted of Howard asking Givens about all of the famous people she's had sex with. She was pretty open about all of the info Howard wanted to get. He found out that fighter Mike Tyson was the first man to give Givens an orgasm. She also dated Brad Pitt, Eddie Murphy and even fooled around with Michael Jordan. She said that Brad Pitt didn't give her an orgasm. Eddie Murphy was the lucky one though, he took her virginity! Robin met Eddie when she was only 16 years old. Eddie had just auditioned for Saturday Night Live so he wasn't that famous yet. Robin told Howard that Mike Tyson was smarter than he seems on TV. She said that he's actually very street smart and he didn't talk in the same wimpy voice when he was at home. She said that Mike's ''6-pack'' hard, muscular stomach was one of the major factors in her having an orgasm with him. She said it would rub on her in just the right way. Before she left Howard wanted to find out how her body was. She took off her jacket to show Howard that her breasts aren't that big.. only a B-cup. Howard said they're just fine but a C-cup would be nice.
Kimberly Heffner Calls In. 4/14/99. 8:35am
Playboy playmate Kimberly Conrad-Heffner called in quickly this morning. She was promoting an E! Celebrity Profile on Hugh Heffner that's airing tonight at 8pm. Kimberly is legally separated from the Playboy creator, but said that they're still great friends so that's why she's out promoting it. Howard tried to get some info out of Kimberly but she didn't seem like she was in the mood to talk. Howard heard that Kimberly is dating Rod Stewart but she said that they're just good friends. She was only on the phone for about 5 minutes.
Jason Alexander, Betty Thomas And Sandra Bullock. 4/14/99. 8:50am
Actor Jason Alexander came in to just hang out for a while this morning. When he came in Howard noticed that his hair was a very odd color. Jason is starring in a new ''Rocky and Bullwinkle'' movie as Boris Badenoff so his hair is dyed jet black. Shortly after Jason came in the studio Howard got a call from director Betty Thomas who directed his movie ''Private Parts.'' Betty is working with Sandra Bullock on a new movie and she just wanted Howard to bless the film on it's first day of shooting. Sandra got on the phone for a couple of minutes but didn't have much to say so Howard got back to interviewing Jason. Howard was still very distracted by the color of Jason's hair. He said Jason looked computer generated just sitting there. Stuttering John came in at one point and told Howard about how Jason played a gay guy in the movie ''Love, Valor and Compassion.'' That led to them discussing sex for most of the segment. Jason said he's never had a gay experience but he has had many menage-a-trois experiences. During one experience he was working on a woman while another guy was doing her from behind. When the guy was ready to finish he pulled out and shot Jason's hand with his love juice. Jason said he then threw up on the woman. It's great stories like that which make Jason such a great guest. Jason also explained how he lost his virginity at the age of 13 to a woman who was 30. He was acting at the time and she was his teacher. He didn't even know what he was doing but it happened. He said he then went on a 4 year hiatus from sex. He said he's been involved in many menage-a-trois situations in his life though. He's now happily married. Howard also asked Jason about a rumor that he turned down $3 Million to be the center square on the new Hollywood Squares game show. Jason said that was absolutely true. He was asked to do it before Whoopi Goldberg was even asked. He didn't think it would be good for his career though. Before Jason left he told Howard how he was once mistaken for Michael Richards when he went to Howard's favorite strip club Scores. That spoiled it for him. Jason also mentioned that Jerry Seinfeld was involved with Scientology for a couple of years. Howard said Jerry told him that he only went to one meeting but Jason said it was more like 2 years of being involved.
-- Thursday April 15, 1999 --
Daryl Strawberry, Pamela Anderson And OJ Simpson. 4/15/99. 6:15am
Howard spent the first part of the morning discussing a few top news stories. He mentioned that baseball player Daryl Strawberry was arrested for cocaine possession and picking up a prostitute. He also brought up Pamela Anderson and how she had her breast implants removed. They spent some time on that yesterday but this morning Howard said he spoke to J.F. Laughton about it. J.F. is the writer and director of Pamela's TV series ''V.I.P.'' and he hadn't heard anything about Pam's breast implants being removed. He told Howard that he thinks it could be a false story. Meanwhile it's all over the news. Howard also brought up how the OJ Simpson story of being assaulted doesn't have any follow up in today's paper. That led to Melrose Larry Green calling in with tape of some news broadcasts about the situation. The tapes were exactly what Howard read in the paper this morning so he ended up hanging up on Melrose. Then Howard remembered hearing that Melrose had paid for Larry ''Ratso'' Sloman's trip out to California recently. That led to a phone call to Ratso and a call back to Melrose. It turns out Ratso has been taking advantage of Melrose and having him pay for everything while he goes out to CA. To have business meetings of his own. Melrose doesn't mind it though. He seems to enjoy spending his inheritance so he'll have friends.
Author Jason Moss Calls In. 4/15/99. 7:20am
Author Jason Moss called in to promote his book ''The Last Victim: The True Story of How an Eighteen-Year-Old Took on America's Worst Serial Killers and Nearly Paid With His Life.'' This guy decided to confront his fears of serial killers by getting in touch with them in jail by writing to them. That led to him actually meeting the late John Wayne Gacy in person and almost getting killed by him. He explained all of this stuff to Howard while on the phone. He's actually managed to get info out of serial killers that the FBI has failed to get just by writing to some of these killers. He says he was able to give closure to the families of the victims of John Wayne Gacy by getting him to admit to killing the kids. He also told Howard the story of how he was able to meet with Gacy in prison. He had created a relationship with Gacy and was invited to meet him in prison. When he got there Gacy was able to get into a room alone with Jason. Jason said that Gacy was able to psychologically pull him under his spell. Gacy actually pulled down his pants and masturbated with Jason in the room. Jason somehow got out of it though. You can read about all of this and his other experiences in the book. Jason also had tape of Gacy talking to him on the phone about some weird stuff that he played for Howard.
Stephanie The Queefing, Farting Chick. 4/15/99. 8:20am
This stripper Stephanie Evans came in to demonstrate how she can queef and fart at the same time. Howard gave her about 5 minutes to show off her amazing talent. She told Howard that her farts are so quiet that he wouldn't be able to hear them over her vaginal queefs. Robin suggested that she fart first then queef then do both at the same time. So that's what she did. Then Stephanie queefed and farted along with the theme song from the ''Green Acres'' TV show. She has amazing control over her private parts. She played along really well. Then Howard had Fred get the theme to ''Mr. Ed.'' That didn't work too well so they got the song ''It's A Gas'' and had her play along to that. Stephanie said she strips at ''Private Eyes'' in New York City. She shoots ping pong balls out of her private parts and autographs the balls for the guys.
Control A Dildo Over The Web. 4/15/99. 8:30am
This guy Dominic and a porn actress by the name of Jacklyn Lick came in to promote this new web site that allows you to control a dildo over the web. They said that Howard had the world exclusive on this new site. It allows people to control the speed and other features on these special dildos through their computers. Guys can even use this thing called ''Robo-Suck'' and have women control it from the other end of the computer. Jacklyn said that she does this all the time while sitting at home. Dominic said the ''Cyber Dildonics'' will run between $39 and $100 and the cost of the online service will be about $1 to $2 a minute. You can find out more at www.safesexplus.com. Before Howard kicked the two of them out of the studio Jacklyn took off her top to show Howard her very perky breasts. She also deep throated a banana and almost choked on it. ''Thank God for the internet..'' Howard said as Jacklyn left.
Captain Janks Latest Call. 4/15/99. 9:05am
Howard played tape of Captain Janks latest phony phone call. He made it during the big cotton mill fire down in Atlanta this week. He was able to stay on the line for quite a while and made a bunch of references to the Stern Show before they cut him off. Most of the references were to KC being gay and having a gay lover named Ralph. You can probably hear the call over at www.captainjanks.com.. The call led right into KC meeting this woman Kelly who called in recently.
Kelly Meets KC. 4/15/99. 9:10am
A 30 year old attorney by the name of Kelly called in recently saying that she wanted to meet KC. She claimed that her beliefs about sex matched up with KC's pretty well so she wanted to meet him. As soon as she came in everyone knew she wasn't KC's type. She said she didn't lose her virginity until she was 23. She stayed with the same guy 5 years and hasn't had intercourse with a guy since she was 28. She's given oral sex but no intercourse. This led into the same old discussion about KC's sexuality and whether or not he's gay. KC wouldn't even think about dating Kelly because he said he's very into a woman's looks. Howard said Kelly was good looking but she's just not KC's type. Robin said she thinks KC will come out of the closet when he's about 40 years old. Most of the phone callers that called in seem to agree that there's something wrong with KC. The mystery continues.
-- Friday April 16, 1999 (Replayed on Master Tape Theatre on November 27, 2011) --
Gary The Retard Fixing His Teeth. 4/16/99. 6:40am
Gary the retard called in to tell Howard that he's getting his two missing front teeth fixed. He screamed out that he's been advised to have something put in the big open space so he's going to do it. That's part of his charm though. Robin told him that if he gets them fixed he may lose them as friends. Gary seems to think that he'll have better luck with the women if he has those two missing teeth.
A Spoon Full Of Boogers Helps The Music Get Played! 4/16/99. 6:55am
The drummer from an instrumental band by the name of Buddha Thai called in recently and offered to eat Gary's boogers if Howard would play their song on the air. He came down this morning and did just that. He also said he'd like Jackie to fart in his face at the same time but instead they brought back Stephanie Evens the queefing chick from yesterday. Howard wanted to get this done quickly before he puked so he had Stephanie rip a couple of queefs and farts in this guy Jimmy's face. Then Gary spoon fed him the boogers he'd picked earlier in the morning. The guy gulped them down and everyone in the studio gagged at the sight of it. Jimmy washed it down with some soda. Howard ended up playing quite a bit of the song but he told Jimmy that they really should have some kind of vocals. Stephanie then started queefing and farting along to the song and it actually made it better. The music wasn't bad but it did need some vocals.
King Of All Rednecks Phony Phone Call. 4/16/99. 7:10am
Retired phony phone caller King of all Rednecks came out of retirement for a quick call to MSNBC the other day. He called in as a Desert Storm war veteran and explained how they could end the Kosovo war by dropping a fart bomb, delivered by Howard Stern. Then he yelled out some ''Baba Booey'' and ''Fartman'' references. The guy on MSNBC made a reference about how callers like him will bend over and their brains will fall out some day.
The Gossip Game With Guests Chaisy Lane And Amy Lynn. 4/16/99. 7:45am
Today's guests for the Mike Walker gossip game were porn star Chaisy Lane and Penthouse Pet Amy Lynn. Both of them are appearing at the Erotica USA convention at the Jacob Javits convention center this weekend. Howard got right into the gossip game after bringing in the girls.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with 4 stories. 3 of them are from his National Enquirer gossip column, one is a false item. Everyone has to guess the false item. Here are this week's four stories:
1. Kirstie Alley can't marry her fiance until he is ''cleared'' by her Scientology religion.
2. Martin Lawrence spit on a guy who parked his truck on a basketball court Lawrence had set up on his latest movie set.
3. Nude pictures of the late country singer Tammy Wynette may show up on the web. Her husband is suing some guy over the pictures.
4. When Matthew Perry broke up with Shannon Doherty he sent her a dozen long stem roses. Shannon ended up cutting off the buds and sending the stems back to Perry.
Chaisy, Howard and Jackie all picked number 3 as the false story. Robin and Amy Lynn picked number 1. The actual false story was number three. Jackie came through with yet another win.. He's still on a winning streak.
After the game Howard spent some time talking with the women. Chaisy had some new vibrating vagina and anus product that she'll be promoting at the ClubLove.com booth at the Erotica USA convention. Amy will have a nude poster she'll be signing at the hafdigital.com booth at the convention. Amy also promoted a movie she's in called ''Golf Balls'' which comes out June 29. She said she ''..flashes her boobies..'' in the movie. You can also find out more about Amy at www.amylynn.com.
New Jersey Governor Whitman Calls In. 4/16/99. 8:10am
Governor Christy Whitman called in while Howard was still talking to Amy Lynn and Chaisy Lane. Whitman just wanted to say ''hello'' to Howard and announce that she will be running for Senator next year. She said that right now she's still concentrating on just being Governor but next year she'll be pushing that whole Senate thing pretty hard. She really didn't have much else to say. Howard didn't keep her on the phone for more than 5 minutes or so.
David Spade Comes In. 4/16/99. 8:40am
Actor/Comedian David Spade came in to promote his new movie ''Lost and Found'' this morning. The movie opens next Friday. Spade's visit lasted close to an hour today. Howard spoke to him about how famous he's getting now that he has a hit TV show ''Just Shoot Me'' and now the movie which he wrote and stars in. David said that he doesn't have a girlfriend but he dates ''..here and there..'' Howard also had this woman Linda waiting in the wings to meet David. She'd written a letter to Howard saying that she'd do anything to meet with David. Howard read some of the letter and she said that she's written to other talk shows and now she'd be willing to do anything to meet Spade. They had a camera on her out in the hallway and when Howard finally asked her to do some stuff she refused. She had a friend there with her who has a hearing problem so Gary asked her if she'd do some stuff to get her friend in to meet David. Nikki the hearing impaired chick spoke like a deaf person so Howard picked up on that right away. Howard said that she was really cute though. To make a long story short, Howard had to refuse to let Linda come in because she wouldn't do anything. Howard then moved on and spoke to David about his new movie. Robin saw it and said it was pretty funny. After a while Gary came in and said that the deaf girl was willing to moon Howard if her friend could come in and meet David. Howard agreed and let Nikki come in. He spoke to her in his deaf guy voice for a few minutes. Then she mooned him and everyone was impressed with her nice ass. Howard then let Linda come in to meet with David. Howard let them stay in the studio for a couple of minutes then David hugged them and shook hands with them. Howard was ready to wrap things up but was reminded that David went to some Passover seder thing at Madonna's house recently. They spent another 10 minutes on that subject before ending the interview.