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Howard started the show talking about some of the stuff he was previewing before the show. He said he had some Adult Video News awards stuff that hasn't even aired yet. He said he's not sure where they're going to air but they are going to air. JD said that they're on Video On Demand or something like that.
Howard said he went out on Thursday night for a screening of Matt Damon's new movie ''Green Zone.'' He said he wasn't even sure if it was the premiere. Robin said it was. Howard said he met Matt and said a quick ''Hey man, how are you doing?'' to him. Howard said he didn't think he was that good looking in person but Beth did. Howard said he thought he was kind of short and not good looking but Beth said ''Boy is he good looking.'' Howard said she is pretty particular except for the fact that she married him.
Howard said he didn't think there was much personality there either. He said that he was talking on camera though so maybe that was it. Howard said he put Matt on the spot too. He said he was a nice guy though.
Howard said he was on the red carpet there so he was going ape shit over the American Idol thing. He said that they were announcing that he's not going to be ''the guy'' on Idol. Howard said he never said he was. He said that it was other people saying it.
Howard said he had a lot to get to today. He said he was up at 2 in the morning and walked the dog around 3:30. He said he was up at 2 and wasn't able to fall asleep. Robin said that happened to her on Saturday night. She said she was able to sleep last night though.
Howard said that the heating system is still making noise in his apartment. He said it sounds like someone is banging on a pipe next to his ear. Robin said you'd think they'd be able to work that stuff out in this day and age. Robin said she had an 80 year old house that was like that and you expect it to happen.
Howard said he had the noise fixed for a while but then the noise came back. He said that it starts happening randomly in the place now. Howard said they set it up to turn off the heat randomly but now the apartment gets really cold. He said even Beth wakes up to the noise.
Howard said he wants to know how other people get through it in the building. Robin said some people can get used to it but not her. Howard said he can't get used to it at all. He said people are walking around pretending it's not happening.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need to pitch the pipes for the steam heat. Howard said they did that already. The caller said they have to lean it more. Howard said he'll tell them that then.
Howard asked JD if he had tape of Regis talking about him on his show. Howard said he sat next to Regis and his wife Joy at the movie premiere.
JD came in and told Howard where the clip was. Howard played the clip where Regis was talking to Kelly Ripa about going to see ''Green Zone'' and seeing Howard there. Regis said he noticed that they weren't able to see the numbers on the seats but he saw that some people were already there. He said he looked and found that they were in the wrong seats. Regis said he saw that there was a tall guy there and he was transfixed on him. Regis found the right seats and sat down next to Howard Stern. Regis said that Howard was analyzing him and wondering why he was moving.
Howard said he was sitting at the movie premiere and they got really good seats. He was dead center and right in the perfect spot. He said he was watching Regis coming in and he sat right in the third row which is too close. He said he told Beth that it was too close for Regis and he must have really shitty seats. Howard thought he was being mistreated. Then it turns out he was in the wrong seat. Howard said Regis came in and found the right seat. Howard said he saw Regis sit down so he asked what was going on with the seats and Regis told him about the mix up.
Howard said that he and Beth got in there by coming in under the building and not outside. Their building is attached to this complex and Regis didn't know about the underground passage. Howard said it was driving Regis nuts.
Howard said he felt really good that he got better treatment than Regis. He said he loved seeing him getting the shitty seats and all of that. He said it was making him really happy.
Howard said he's going to take credit for Jon being as good as he is. He said that he's able to land on his feet when they have an ad-lib or something. He said that he's able to pull it off and the show is great. Howard said that he doesn't even make it into the first couple of episodes. Howard said that they have a lot of behind the scenes stuff that they show. He said in one episode they were showing Gilbert Gottfried touching the cupcakes in the hall. He said they have Medicated Pete and Ronnie getting into it and some Benjy clips. He said that Benjy tickles Artie and Jason in one clip and it's really fascinating. He said they should have Benjy tickle people weekly.
Howard said they had a bunch of great clips that he quickly mentioned. He said the show should be up but Doug Goodstein said that it actually starts tonight. Howard said he thinks that this show is better than their own show. He said they have tape of Benjy, Richard and Sal going out on the street with a standee of Ronnie and they get him on camera with some other news team. He said that they get into a fight over it and it's great.
Howard said that Riley Steele is even hotter with her clothes on than she is with them off. He said that she's awesome. Bobo was saying she really was awesome. Howard said that imagining her with her clothes off was better than seeing her with them actually off.
Howard said they have a whole retrospective of Scott the Engineer on Howard TV too. He said it's the funniest thing and it's a really good show.
Another caller said that he wanted to know if anyone still calls him ''Howchie'' these days. Howard said that has kind of gone away. He said that his brother-in-law used to do that to him. He said that they'd get together for dinner with the family and he would call him ''Howchie'' or ''Howchila'' since that's what his mother would call him. He said that he didn't like it. He said it got on his nerves so he had to ask Pete to stop. He said that he likes Pete but it was driving him nuts.
Howard said that his niece's son was starting to call him ''Uncle How'' like his niece used to. He said he had to put a stop to that too. Howard said that a lot of people will come up with names like that.
The caller asked if they're going to be doing the William Shatner ''Raw Nerve'' show. Howard said his anger seems to think that the show is so weird that they may not end up doing the thing with Shatner and George Takei. The caller said he has seen it and it's really awkward. He described what happens on the show and the way they have it laid out. Howard said he's not sure that thing will ever happen. He said that they may have gotten to be such a pain in the ass that Shatner's people didn't want to do it.
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Howard said Cindy uses a note pad to take notes when he's talking and he said she can't possibly be getting it all down right.
Howard said he had some audio clips from the news reports about him. He played one where they played audio of Howard talking about how he won't work with Kara Dioguardi or Ellen if he were to go on American Idol. He wasn't sure why they were cutting up his interview so much and just giving 1 or two second quotes. He said it was very weird.
Howard played another report where the entertainment show played some clips of him on the red carpet. They had Howard talking about Idol and what would have to happen for him to actually go on the show.
Howard played a couple more clips of his red carpet interviews and they were all kind of similar. Howard played one where he was talking about how weak American Idol is. Howard said it was the same dumb question over and over again. He said that they'd keep asking him the same questions for the different shows. He said they should have done a press conference or something.
In one clip Howard was saying that what they do on that show isn't exactly work. Howard played another one where some reporters were saying that FOX is saying that they have $38 million for the person that replaces Simon but Howard Stern will not be that person. The reporters were saying that they think it's a bad idea to have Howard out of the running.
Howard said his bashing of Ellen was reported on and they were saying he was ''too mean.'' Howard said he read this article about Ellen being a pain in the ass in ''In Touch Weekly'' and they were saying that she's a pain in the ass on that show. Howard said she's making all kinds of demands according to a show insider. They say she wants her wife Portia to be a guest judge and she wants a Porsche as a signing bonus even though she's already doing the show. They say she's redecorating the dressing room over there too. He said she's so lame.
Howard said Ellen looks like she crawled out of middle earth with those giant ears of her's. They talked about who she looked like more, Golum or Schmiegel. They went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. Howard said it's pretty funny. He said she has huge ears like his grandpa had when he died. Howard said they were huge and they were like the size of an elephant's.
Robin said that when Ellen is doing her other show they cover her ears with her hair. He said on Idol she must take her hand and put the hair behind her ears. Howard said they need someone to advise her on that. People are going to get wise to the fact that the girl on the Covergirl ads isn't the same person.
Howard said he sees that Jay Leno is having Sarah Palin and the cast of Jersey Shore on his show. Howard said even he turned down the cast of Jersey Shore. Howard goofed on Jay for having such lame guests on. Howard said he's going to talk to this Harry Smith about Jay getting fired by NBC and how most guys would go to another network so they can kick that network's butt. He said that Jay is the guy who hid in closets to steal David Letterman's job. He said that if Jay were a man he would have left NBC when they fired him the first time. Then Jay says that he'll only go back to 11:30 if Conan says it's okay. Then Conan said it wasn't okay and Jay went back anyway.
Howard said he's going to talk about how David Letterman is a man of integrity and not a thief like Jay Leno is. Howard said that Jay stole bits from him and that Green Car challenge from a show in England. Howard said that they stole his employee Stuttering John too. Robin had some good points too so she threw them in there. Howard said she's welcome to chime in tomorrow morning too.
Howard said it's unbelievable that Jay does what he does. He said that he's going to talk about all of that tomorrow on the CBS Early Show. He said he's going to talk about David Letterman and what an original he is. He said he can't wait to do this tomorrow morning. He said he doesn't usually do interviews like this but when he heard he could bash Jay Leno he jumped at it.
Howard said he may have to have a chalk board in the studio and do a Glenn Beck type of thing. He said that Glenn Beck seems to know a lot of stuff but when you actually add it up it doesn't make much sense.
Howard took another call about the banging pipes in his apartment. The caller gave him some suggestions about it but Howard told the guy to write it down and send it to him.
Howard said that Dave Attell was the host of the show and he was good at that. He played some of the audio of Dave doing an opening monologue at the show. He was getting a lot of laughs from the crowd. Dave was joking about what a Brazilian wax looks like by the time he sees one. He said he's never seen a fresh one. Dave was also talking about seeing some gay porn and said that it was Twilight New Moon, not the porn remake but the actual movie.
Howard said Dave is probably the best you can get in stand up and they got him to appear at the AVN Awards. He said that the people were talking right through his set. He said he couldn't have done better and people were talking over him. He doesn't get why people do that.
JD said he's been to those shows before and there are a lot of drunk people there. He said that they stand up in the middle of the act and stuff like that too.
Howard said Ralph must have pissed off Sam Simon because he twittered something about him. He said he read that Sam wrote that Ralph was an asshole. He's not sure what went down though.
Howard said he had $1,000 to give him from the movie ''A Prophet.'' He said he had to tell him why these people had to go to prison. Robert Downey Jr. was the first one. He gave the caller a multiple choice and the caller said it was for drugs. The caller was right. He had to get 3 out of 5 right to win.
Next up was Christian Slater. The caller guessed it was for a DUI. Howard said he was wrong and it was assault with a deadly weapon. Howard said he wasn't sure who he assaulted though. Next up was Tim Allen. The caller said it was cocaine possession and he was right. Howard gave the guy the name Kiefer Sutherland. The caller guessed it was DUI and he was right so he won the grand.
Howard found out who Christian Slater had assaulted. Howard read that info and said that he served 59 days in prison. Howard said that doesn't seem so bad for fighting with the police and claiming that the Germans were coming to kill them. He said he's met Christian a bunch of times and he seems so normal.
Howard said maybe Christian knows something that we don't. Either that or he's 60 years too late. Howard said he was reading that the German's manufacture glass for museum cases and stuff and they're cornering the market on that. He said that they're going to take over the world because we don't manufacture stuff here in this country anymore.
Howard said he had to have some custom glass stairs made for his apartment and it took a year and a half to get it and it came from Mexico. He said that they weren't able to make it here in the U.S.
Howard said he had to take a break after taking one more phone call. The caller said that he thinks that Riley Steele was the hottest porn star they've ever had up there. Howard said that she was very hot and he wanted to beat off to her web site. He he was looking at all of the pictures Jason took of her. He said that Beth asked if he had beat off to her and he lied and said he hadn't. He said he eventually said he did. Howard said Riley is so hot she shouldn't even be a porn star. He said she should be modeling or something.
Howard said they say that the Google people are saying they didn't post it so it's not their fault. Howard said that he's applauding the Italians for this because they should lock those people up for what they post on YouTube. He said that they're saying that they probably won't be locked up. Howard said that they claim they have nothing to do with it but they're the delivery system so they are responsible.
Howard said he just got into this internet shopping thing. He said he's never really done it in the past but now he's getting into it big time. Howard said he was ordering some stuff from this one site for John Varvatos. He said that they have a lot of stuff he likes on that site. He said the music on the site is annoying though. He said he has to turn that off. Robin said she just went on the site and had to turn it off.
Howard talked about the stuff he's been ordering and how he loves getting the boxes. Howard said Beth told him it's really easy to send stuff back if you don't like it. Some people keep it just because they're too lazy to return it.
Howard said he saw something really cool on the web. He said he was reading about it in the NY Times. He said that they have an app that will let you buy something over your iPhone. He said you just scan it and they charge you for it. He said you can also window shop and just buy stuff over the web by scanning what you like. Howard said that you can do the same in grocery stores and find out all of the deals and coupons. Howard said it would be great if you could point your phone at a hot chick and she'd come over and blow you.
Howard said their governor is a dopey guy. He said that they should have thrown him out as soon as they heard he had done coke. Robin said there were a bunch of things that went on that gave them clues.
Howard gave the details about what has been going on with Governor Patterson and how he's gotten involved in some shady stuff. Howard said that he's definitely done and he may not even make it to the end of his term.
Howard said that Patterson's wife is really hot and he goes to lunch with women who are hot. He said he doesn't let the blindness stand in his way at all.
Howard said that he's been friends with Roger Ebert who isn't even able to speak now because of the cancer he had. He said that Roger is going on Oprah's show today and he remembered that he had actually dated Oprah. He said that Roger may have banged Oprah at some point.
Howard said Roger can't speak but something has been invented that will allow him to speak. He said he's not sure what that is but they took all of his old shows and gave him a voice with some kind of device. He said he'll read about that during the break and talk about it after that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Fred had a good line during the Scott the Engineer special on Howard TV. He mentioned that quickly. Howard said that there's something odd going on with the pro lifers on this planet. He said that we're overrun with children on this planet and these people want to make sure that every fetus comes to term. He said that the latest thing is about this Georgia right to life group. He said they have this master plan. He said they've noticed that a lot of the abortions are coming from the black community. They want to tell the black community that abortions are the white man's way of getting rid of the black race. Howard said that they're telling them all this in the churches and stuff. He said they're getting the black people all worked up thinking it's some kind of conspiracy.
Howard said he can't imagine that people are falling for this. He said that they're in a poor community and they're convincing them that the white man is behind it all.
Howard said that's the latest pro life nonsense. He said he can't imagine who would be against abortion for people who don't want children.
Ralph called in and said that Sam Simon just started on Twitter so maybe that's why he posted that he's an asshole. He said that Sam asked him to send him his ''retard followers'' and he didn't want to do that. He said he thinks that Sam was just being an asshole in a fun way but maybe he's mad. He said he's really not sure. Howard said Ralph can be an asshole so he wouldn't be surprised if Sam was upset with him.
Howard said he mentioned John Varvatos the other day and he heard that they wanted to send him some free stuff. He said he was going to have Ralph call them with the information they needed but then he had nightmares thinking about how he could rub them the wrong way. Howard said he doesn't mind paying for his stuff so he'd rather not risk Ralph screwing that up and decided not to have him call.
Howard said he knows how to conduct himself in business but Ralph was saying that he can be an asshole too. Howard said he is very nice when he's dealing with businesses. Ralph said he can be an asshole too.
Ralph said that Howard got some PBA cards and he was going to give him one. Howard said he got a bunch of them and he was going to give it to Ralph but it had his name on it. He said he's not sure he wants Ralph running around with that.
Howard asked where Beet was. Doug said that he was in the bathroom shitting. Howard asked which one he was in. Gary said it was the one in their compound but he didn't send him there.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard and Robin quickly went over the Carley Simon news that came out over the weekend. Howard said Carley told him who ''You're So Vain'' was about and he had actually forgotten. He said that he doesn't remember it being David Geffen though. He said that's who she's claiming it is now.
Lisa G said that Howard wore his scarf on the red carpet on Thursday night and they picked up on that in a magazine. They were saying that Howard can pull off that look with his long neck. Howard said some people were saying that he's gay for wearing the scarf and for sitting down to pee. He said he doesn't do that all the time. He has a urinal in his house so he doesn't have to sit down all the time.
Howard said that he hates peeing in the toilet because the pee gets all over the place and he has to clean it up with toilet paper without touching it. He said sometimes he has to separate his balls from his penis when they're stuck together. He said that sometimes he just uses his underpants to separate them. He has system on top of system so he doesn't have to touch his penis.
Lisa got back to the scarf thing and Howard showed her the one he had today. Lisa didn't like it. Howard said that it wasn't there for Lisa to like it. He didn't want to be evaluated.
Lisa found out that Rosie O'Donnell gave away the Sybian that Howard gave her. She gave it away to a caller. Lisa said that Rosie was just using it for a foot massager. Howard said he bets that she used it. He said she might be too embarrassed to admit it.
Lisa said that Ham Hands Bill has an impersonator out there and he's complaining about that. She said that you can find out the real one on Facebook by going to his web site and linking from there. That site is HamHandsBill.com.
Howard asked Beet if he lost more teeth. Beet had lost a couple more on the bottom. Howard said that this new app that Beet has is $2.99. Howard wasn't able to see what it was doing but Robin thought it was pretty cool. Howard asked who developed it. Beet said that he did it. He said he's a scientist.
Howard asked Beet what's on Medicated Pete's app. Pete came into the studio and said that he has the same manager as Beetle does and he has a similar app to Beet's. He said that it's a bobble head thing and it says stuff that he's known for saying. Beet said his thing says ''Petona'' and he said that means that a woman can fuck a guy or something like that.
Howard heard that Beet had met Pete's girlfriend and asked if he thought she was nice. Beet said that the girl has been coming on to him and he'd probably fuck her. Howard said Beet has quite a way with the ladies. Pete said he didn't know he had competition there but that's something.
Howard heard that Beet said that Pete likes to play with little boys. Beet said that's what Dominic told him. He said that Dominic tried to fuck Pete in the ass or something. Beet said that's what Dominic has been telling him. Howard said Pete didn't actually fuck Dominic the midget. Beet said when he goes to sleep then Dominic wants to do him.
Howard asked Beet about his claims that he banged Tiger Woods' wife Elin. Beet said that he banged the hell out of her. Howard said he also claims he has banged most of his mistresses. Beet said he banged them with the golf club he was carrying with him today.
Beet was telling Howard what the women tell him when he has sex with the nine iron. He said he just shoves it right in.
Howard said Beet was on Superfan Roundtable and Wendy the Retard asked how to make money and Beet told her to get her own app made. Howard said that Beet is a very generous man. He said it's a breath of fresh air to see him when he comes in.
Ralph called in and said that the app is $3 and it should really be just 99 cents. He said he would buy it for a dollar but not 3. He said that it's too much for an app like that. Beet said that's what he put it up on there for. Ralph told him he's being greedy.
A caller asked Beet how many women Beet has been with in one day. Beet said it's like 30. Another caller said that Beet fucked his wife and he's coming after him. Beet said he did fuck his wife. The caller said he's coming after him then.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it was great when Robin said that Beet should hand Howard his phone. He said Howard wouldn't touch that thing. Howard said that was pretty funny. Another caller told Beet that he was his underwear and he was full of shit. Beet didn't seem to care.
Howard asked Beet what he's going to do with the money he gets from this app. Beet said that he will keep working. He's not planning on retiring.
Howard gave beet some plugs for some upcoming appearances he has. You can find out more about all of that at JollyDwarf.com.
Another caller said that Beet is kind of a back stabber for trying to steal Pete's girl. Beet said that she came after him. It's not his fault.
Howard took some more calls and let some people try to get Beet all revved up. One guy was going off on him but Beet wasn't getting too worked up.
Howard wrapped up with Beet and gave him some more plugs. Beet and Pete are going to making some appearances together. Howard took another call from a guy who asked Beet if he's still banging Howard's wife. beet said he does that on the side and everyone has to get a piece of that. Howard said he must be the reason Beth has been smiling lately. Beet said he used the golf club on her and she loves it.
The guys called in with Artie clips and had him yelling at Beet asking him where his 5 grand was. Beet wasn't getting worked up at all. They had Artie calling him a loser faggot but Beet just went along with it like it was nothing.
Gary came in and said that Beet's people were saying that the app is $1.99 and not 2.99. He said they weren't sure why Ralph was shitting on it since it wasn't 3 bucks like he said. Howard said that's what his notes said about it though. Howard told Gary that's what he had in his notes. They went to break a short time later.
Howard played one where they were getting all outraged over the pageant. Howard said that they're the show that everyone gets to comment on during the story. Howard spent a minute goofing on them.
In another clip the reporter was talking about the pageant and played a clip from the show where they made the announcement. The reporters were talking about the pageant and how they were going to refuse to call it a ''pageant.'' One of them wanted to call it a ''parade of home wreckers.'' Howard said he kind of liked that.
Howard said he loves how he's demeaning pageants with this pageant. Robin said that they're point out a lot of stuff that people already know in that clip.
Howard said that Elin should be a judge on the show. He said that they were reporting that she was approached to be one but she turned it down. Howard played more of the clips and the women were saying that the mistresses shouldn't be doing this because it's showing a lack of respect.
Howard had some other clips to play about the pageant. He played one where the reporter gave the details of the pageant and mentioned the $100,000 prize money. They mentioned that Howard could only do it with the help of AshleyMadison.com. Howard said they're getting a lot of play out of the whole thing.
In one clip they mentioned that this might ruin Howard's chances of taking Simon's spot on Idol. Howard ended up talking about that and how he thinks that they're going to get rid of Ellen from that show. He said that she's being a pain in the ass on the set of the show from what he's heard. He talked about the money she gets for wardrobe even though she wears the same type of vest and pants every day.
Howard played some more of the news reports about the pageant where these reporters were going over what they figured was going to be happening.
Howard said he thinks he's heard enough. He said he had one more to play though. He played that one and the reporters were talking about when the pageant was going to take place. They were talking about the same stuff that the other reporters were saying. Then they mentioned the AshleyMadison.com sponsor thing and the female reporter said that was just wrong. She also said that it was wrong that they asked Elin to be a judge.
Howard said they never even asked Elin to be a judge. He said he's not sure where they got that from. All they did was discuss the possibility.
Howard said he's getting some good press over this. He said they say that his influence is down but they still haven't stopped talking about him. Howard said tomorrow is going to be even more. He said that sometime around 8:30 they'll be on the CBS Early Show talking to Harry Smith. Howard said he guesses that Les Moonves' wife, Julie Chen, doesn't want to talk to him. He said she must be avoiding that interview.
Howard said they'll be talking to him about Jay Leno returning to The Tonight Show. Howard said he doesn't even have to watch the show to know it's going to be the same lame stuff it's been.
Howard said that he doesn't need to watch the show and he wishes that he could do the interview right now. He said that he knows that Jay didn't get an injection of talent all of a sudden. He said he won't be watching the show.
Howard said that Jay doesn't know how to do an interview. He said that Jay is a comedian and he expects people to just talk like he's used to doing on stage. Howard said that he's not going to be a good interviewer.
Howard said he and Fred went into the studio to do the bits again and they had this professional musician working with them. The guy was really good to them and he organized it all for them. Howard said he saw the guy on TV years later and he became the bass player for Hall and Oates. He said that his name was T-Bone Wolk. Howard said that T-Bone was on the Saturday Night Live band for years too. He said that he would do the Howard Stern Birthday shows year after year. Howard said he was great and he was very well respected so other musicians would perform with him no problem.
Howard said that T-Bone was a great guy and he used to joke with him about how he should have put his name on that awful album they put out.
Howard said that T-Bone died of a heart attack so he was very sad to read that. It just happened 3 days ago. Howard said the T-Bone was a great guy and he had a lot of talent. Fred said that T-Bone would have been a great music director on American Idol. Howard said he told them that over there and he thinks that may have been the reason T-Bone had the heart attack.
Howard and Gary spent a little time talking about how T-Bone helped get the band together for Conan O'Brien's show. Howard said it was really sad. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and gave Lisa Lampanelli a bunch of plugs for upcoming shows. You can find all of her dates at InsultComic.com.
Howard talked to Lisa about her fiancee and how she used to come on the show and talk about how into black guys she was. Now she's marrying a white guy.
Howard asked Lisa if her mother was upset that she was dating all of these black guys. Lisa said she's kind of racist and she wasn't too happy about it. She only brought one home to meet her mom. Lisa said that the one guy had a Jewish adoptive father and her mother found a reason to hate the Jews when she found out about that.
Lisa said that a lot of her act is based on the way her mother talks but she's not doing it in a hateful way. Howard asked what her mother thinks of this President Obama. Lisa said she won't even talk about it.
Howard said Lisa has her own show on tonight on Howard 101 called ''Dirty Dishes.'' They have Judith Reagan on the show and ''some fag from Bravo'' Andy Cohen, and Frank DeCaro from OutQ. Lisa said the homos enjoy her.
Lisa said that she'd love that job on American Idol and she doesn't need 100 Million to do it. She said that she'd suck a cock to get that job. Lisa said that Ellen takes herself too seriously on the show and that's why she sucks.
Howard and Lisa talked about the Idol gig and how even Simon didn't have any decent experience when he got the gig. Lisa said that Kathy Griffin would be great doing the show. She said that they're going to do a spoof of it on her show tonight called ''The American A-hole.''
Howard said he heard that Lisa is going to have a huge wedding. Lisa said that they're getting married at the Friar's club. That's going to cost a bit. Howard said he read that it's going to be over 200 grand. The floral bill alone is $67,000. Lisa said it's going to look so pretty. She said she turns into a girl when she thinks about doing the wedding. She asked if Beth went nuts like that. Howard said that Beth didn't go too crazy. She did get a nice dress though.
Lisa said there's this show called ''Say Yes to the Dress'' and she went to this place that they show on that show and the dress she found was $6,700. They took some money off when they said they had heard her on Howard Stern.
Howard said he hopes that Lisa isn't moving too fast but he likes to hear that she's got a pre-nup in the works. Lisa said that she thinks that it's going to be fair enough to stay with her. She said that she made her man quit all of his jobs to travel on the road with her. She said that Jimmy is good at what he does and she feels safe with him on the road.
Howard said he read that Lisa has made Jimmy watch a lot of gay stuff on TV. Lisa said that she has done that and she has ''fagged'' him up a bit. She said that he has to prove he's a man so he fuck's her real good after watching that stuff.
Lisa said that she knows Howard fags up his TiVo and asked if he fucks harder when he's with Beth because of that. Howard said he does. He said that his stuff isn't even so much gay, it's more ''nerd.'' He said he watches a lot of nerdy shows like Smallville and that vampire show.
Lisa said that Jimmy won't watch midget shows because he's freaked out by them. Howard said he read that Lisa hates when Jimmy goes out without her. She's very insecure. Lisa said that she does feel that way when he goes out because she's afraid that bitches are going to grab him and take him away from her.
Howard read that Lisa has Lisa G on her guest list for the wedding. Lisa said she has a B-list for the wedding and she'll be invited if someone else better drops out. She said that she doesn't mean that in a mean way though. Lisa said that she has tried to talk to Lisa about stuff and she just shuts down. Lisa said that she will be on that B-list until she talks nicer to her.
Howard said he thinks that Robin wants this same kind of thing that Lisa has. He said if Lisa can find love that way then Robin should be able to do it. He said that love should be just around the corner for Robin.
Lisa was telling Howard about her hair extensions and how she just can't have long hair because it's a pain in the ass to blow out. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said that he can do his hair on the weekends but Lisa can't handle it.
Lisa said that she doesn't want to learn how to do it on her own. She said that she can't bang with them but she really doesn't care. She said she only bangs when she's insecure. Lisa said she never gets horny. She asked Howard if he ever gets horny. Howard said he does but he's a guy.
Howard and Lisa talked about the Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno disaster. Lisa said that she stayed out of that. She said that she blames NBC and doesn't want to get into it. She said that she just tells people to watch George Lopez instead. She'd feel bad about bad mouthing Jay because he had her on 8 times.
Howard gave Lisa some plugs for some of her upcoming shows and asked about the HBO show that she had in the works. Lisa said that was dead and that was kind of a bummer. She said that a couple of months ago she signed another deal with Chelsea Handler's company and she stopped dating the guy from E! so that may not work out. She said she got Jim Carrey on his way down and Chelsea right after she stopped banging the guy from E!. Lisa said maybe she'll do the talk show for Howard TV instead. Lisa said next year she'll probably sign a deal with Freddy Roman to do something with Pat Cooper. Lisa said that she's not sure what will come of the talk show but she's been told she'd be good at it.
Howard gave Lisa some more plugs and told people to go to InsultComic.com to find out more.
Howard asked Lisa about how she fires everyone from her gigs all the time. Lisa said that she fired everyone a few years ago and hired Mike Morse. She said that she had a dream the other night that she hired some of the old people back and Andrew Dice Clay was the guy doing her hair in the dream. Howard said that Dice wanted to go out on the road with her at one point. Lisa said that he did want to do Madison Square Garden with her. She said that she asked her Tarot Card reader to tell her what would happen if she went on with Dice and she told her that her career would be ruined if she did.
Howard asked Lisa why she goes to a Tarot card reader. Lisa said that it's just fun. Howard asked if the Tarot card reader actually looked at the cards or just hear the name. She said that she did but Dice wanted to go out on the road with Jim Norton too so that would have been a really dirty show.
Howard told Lisa to invite Bubba to her wedding. Lisa said that she didn't invite Jim Carrey because she's not that close. Lisa said that she registered for a lot of stuff. She said that she invited a lot of heavyweights in the industry who have a lot of money.
Howard asked if it's going to be awkward to send invites to the people on the B-list months after. Lisa said that you send out the A-listers 8 weeks early and then the B-list gets them 6 weeks early after everyone has RSVP'd from the A-List.
Howard gave Lisa some more plugs for tonight's Howard 101 show and for some comedy shows she's doing. Check out InsultComic.com for all of those dates. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and didn't recognize the Queen song that was playing. He knew the song but didn't recognize it. Howard said that they'd never get his mom tied down. That led to Fred throwing in some of Howard's mom's audio clips in the song. He was throwing in a bunch of various clips of his mom making sounds and saying things. Howard wondered why you don't hear music like that anymore. Robin said it's past its prime.
Howard said he saw Lady Gaga leaving a Chinese restaurant and she was wearing a lobster on her head and it's obvious that she has a full bush going on. He said that she's getting a little desperate with the outfits. Robin said that the guy who discovered her said that he wouldn't walk down the street with her before she got famous because she's always dressed like that. Howard said it's embarrassing. He said she had a metal lobster on her head. He said he knows she's screaming for attention but it's a little out of control.
Howard said he was listening to some clips from the Tiger Woods press conference and found some weird things. He played some clips that Richard had edited together. He had Tiger saying he had a long, hard staff and talked about how he has to get an erection for his wife Elin. He also said he had affairs with his sponsors, kids around the world that admired him and more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beetlejuice sounded like he was an a very good mood and he was wondering if he was on Medicated Pete's meds. Howard said he wasn't sure. The caller also said that Ellen Degeneres' web site has some weird stuff on it. Howard said that stuff was kind of boring and he didn't seem interested in the caller. He did end up talking about her web site though.
Howard said he's more than happy to rip on Jay Leno tomorrow. He said that maybe he needs some pictures of Jay to have hanging in there. Maybe Sal and Richard could do that. He said maybe Sal can dress up like Jay Leno or something. He doesn't want him doing anything dirty though. Howard said maybe they could have Jay kissing NBC's ass or something like that. Or maybe they could have Jay kissing Jeff Zucker's ass and balls. That might be too dirty to show on CBS though.
Howard said that they could have Sal, as Jay, fisting and reaming Jeff Zucker. He said he hopes that they're planning a full hour with him tomorrow morning. He said maybe Sal should put on a Les Moonves mask and fuck Julie Chen.
Sam Simon called in and said he's not angry at Ralph. He said that him being angry at Ralph for being an asshole would be like getting angry at the whale for killing someone. He said that's just the way things are.
Sam went on to say that he asked Drew Carey and Ralph to help get him some people on Twitter. He said Drew tweeted to his fans to check out his friend Sam. He said Drew was really nice about it. Ralph refused to do anything. Sam said that's why Ralph is an asshole. That's all there was to the story.
Howard wondered why Sam would want people to follow him. He's not even sure why he would bother tweeting. Robin said she would start when she has something to tweet about. Howard said that they get paid to do stuff like that on the radio show.
Steve ran down a couple more stories he had coming up today on Howard 100 news. They have some Bubba the Love Sponge news and more. Steve also got in plugs for Lisa Lampanelli's radio show that's on at 7 tonight on Howard 101 and for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that's on at midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard told Jon how good his ''The Bonus Show'' is. He and Jon talked about how they found Rachel Fine to do the show and how cool the show seems to be. Howard said that they don't do a lot of banter and they keep the show moving fast. Howard told Jon he had just one criticism. He told him he should wear a scarf.
Jon ran down his Wrap Up Show preview and brought up the subjects they had for today's show. That led to Howard talking about the CBS Early Show tomorrow and how he hopes that they get it all set up today. He said he's not even going to review Jay's show. He said he doesn't need to watch it to know how lame it's going to be.
Robin read a story about some of the most unfortunate names that people have given to their kids. There were a bunch of bad ones and Fred kept playing Gary's ''Baba Booey'' clip as Robin was reading off some of the other goofy names. They had some fun talking about the goofy names and Robin said that some people just don't think when they put two names together. Robin said the study was from England and they did some searching in the U.S. and found some bad ones here too.
Robin read a story about IMDB doing a survey about the best movies out there and they found that Batman The Dark Knight and Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back was in there. Howard said that all of the new ones sucked and he didn't realize that the first 3 were numbered IV, V and VI. He thought they were talking about the newer ones. Robin read some of the other top movies of all time and there were a lot of bummers in there in Howard's opinion. The Godfather and Godfather 2 were up near the top. The Shawshank Redemption was number 1. Howard said that was a weird poll.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was sick and tired of Jay Leno and hearing about that crap. He said Medicated Pete has to go and JD's shit has to go. He said they keep hearing the same Jay Leno talk every morning. Howard said that he'll be talking about him even more tomorrow morning. The caller said that he likes that kind of thing but not him talking about Jay on the show all the time. Howard said he likes hearing about JD and Medicated Pete.
Robin told JD that he was supposed to go to her and try to impress her. Howard spent a minute talking to JD about all of that. He and Fred goofed on him a little bit and then asked to hear the song that the was going to make the video for.
Howard said he wants to hear the song to figure out what he can do for the video. JD said he knows how to sync up the video and all of that so he'll be fine doing it. Howard said they have to have her singing the song in like 5 outfits and edit it all together. Howard said he should hire a professional to direct it with that 5 grand. Then he could just mess around with her all day long during the shoot.
Howard listened to the Ashley Dupre song and told JD what they should be doing in the video as the song went along. Fred threw in some ideas in his best JD voice. JD got a few laughs out of that. Howard had her shitting on a picture of JD in the video. Fred said that they could have her pushing JD into a building in Haiti during the earthquake.
Fred found another Ashley Dupre song in the system so he played that one as well. Howard listened to some of that and said that she's just as good as the other singers out there today. JD said he had some ideas for what they can do with the video. He said he doesn't just want to impress her with it, he wants to impress everyone. Howard told him to come up with something really good. JD said he knows. He said he wants to do something in one take too. Howard said that he wants the time to fuck her. JD said that he wants to keep it simple.
Howard and Fred threw out some more ideas for JD. Howard said he thinks this is a good idea to get to spend more time with Ashley. He said that they can do some story boarding and spend time together doing that. JD said he doesn't know about that. JD said he's been trying to come up with ideas and he just wants to be left alone. He said good bye like he was going to walk out.
Robin heard the song that Fred was playing and said that she's singing about being loved for the person she is. Robin said that they could go through her whole life in the video. They could have JD waiting for her when she gets home. Robin said that's hat the song is about and he should do that. JD said that's why he didn't pick that song.
Howard had a bunch of ideas for the video and told JD what he could do. JD said he won't be in the video. Howard and the guys think he should be. Howard said JD is the only guy who sees the real her. Howard said that she could chew on his penis like a beaver.
Howard spent a few more minutes giving JD ideas for the video for the song they were playing. Howard said the song even went by really fast as they were talking about it. Howard said they could have Ashley spiting on Jared to get to JD. Howard said they could have a girl there just to do the spitting. Howard said he liked the ballad better than the other song they played. He played the other one too but JD said he's not going to be in any video.
Howard let JD go and said that it sounds like a good video to him. He said he wants to see that. Howard said that JD would say it's been done already but what hasn't?
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she may go down to the CBS studio tomorrow and hold up some signs. She said that they're going to try and get a bunch of Superfans out there to do that with the help of Joe Mooski. She said that she's not sure if she should be down there or at Howard's studio. Howard told her to go to the CBS studio. Howard said he won't be there though. He told her to go stand on the Brooklyn Bridge. He said he thinks that she'll do whatever he tells her to do.
Robin read a story about some people in England who had the largest Light Saber fight at a mall over there. She said that they all organized and met in the same place to do the fake fight. They had people dressed in robes like Jedi from the Star Wars movies. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read about the killer whale at Sea World. Howard said he was asked about that on the red carpet. They spent a few minutes talking about that story. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about Andrew Koenig being found dead over the weekend. Robin said that they were talking about that story last week when he went missing. They found Andrew's body in Vancouver. Robin said that Walter Koenig held a press conference after they found his son dead. Robin had some audio of that for Howard to play. He played that clip and Walter was very upset as he spoke about his son in the press conference.
Robin also read about the suicide of one of Marie Osmond's sons. He jumped from his apartment building and died. Robin had some details about that death as well.
Robin read some news about the earthquake in Chili. Howard said that his daughter lived down there for half a year so she was very upset about that. Howard said he wanted to talk to her about that this weekend but he wasn't able to connect. Robin said they say that the death toll is over 700 from this. Howard said he wasn't thrilled with his daughter going there to live.
Robin said they're still finding survivors from the quake. They're still trying to get people out of a hotel there. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how they're trying to rescue people from that hotel.
Robin read about how Louis Farrakhan has been saying that we're next to get an earthquake. He said that we won't escape.
Robin had some Winter Olympics news. She ran down the number of medals the U.S. earned and how we were the highest. Robin said that Germany was second and Canada came in third. She said they had the most Gold medals. Norway was fourth.
Robin had some news about the closing ceremonies from the Olympics and she had some audio of William Shatner making a speech.
Robin read a story about a 17 year old girl who went missing and how they arrested a 30 year old who may have had something to do with the disappearance. Robin said the girl still hasn't been found. Howard said he's glad that he had daughters and not a son. He said guys can grow up to be real weirdos and most girls don't. They might grow up to be a stripper or something but not a serial killer or anything.
Robin read some news about Governor Patterson and the scandal that's going on with him. Robin had some quick box office news too. She said that Shutter Island was number one at the box office this weekend. She said it was the second week in a row for that. Robin said she hasn't had time to see the movie yet. Howard said he heard that she's been running out and flying all over the place lately. Robin talked about going down to Miami this weekend and talked about what she did down there.
Robin read about ''Cop Out'' coming in at number 2 at the box office. She said that made $18 million. Robin read about the other movies in the top 5 too.
Robin said that on 60 Minutes last night they had James Cameron on the show and they were talking to him about his ex-wife who is also nominated for an Academy Award. Robin said he wasn't being too nice about it either. Robin said he was saying that it was more about the story and not about the best movie overall in that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Gary said that Howard was calling for Beetle and you need to keep him close by so that's why they probably brought him into that one.
Gary said that Medicated Pete showed up late today with Beet and his manager. He said that Pete didn't let him know about that ahead of time though. He said he can't get a straight answer from Pete about why that was. He said that Pete showed up an hour and a half late and he didn't have a good explanation.
Gary said he's not sure what to think about Pete. He said that maybe the guys who created his iPhone app asked him to come in with them and he wasn't thinking.
Pete came in so Gary asked him why he showed up late when he was supposed to be there at 6. Pete said he heard all of that. Gary asked if he thinks that he's a big star now because that's what some people are thinking.
Pete said that it was just a bone headed move and he didn't even realize what he did. Gary asked what his thinking was before he showed up late. Pete said he knew this was going to come up and he was trying to think about why it was. Pete said he didn't know that it was going to be so late when he took the ride in with Beet's manger, Bobby Rooney. Pete said he had to show up at Bobby's house around 4:30.
Gary asked why he didn't call in. Pete said he went through all of that in his head and he didn't know what to do at that point. He said he thought he was going to be there at 6. Gary asked why he thought they would be there so early though. Pete said they offered him the ride and he figured he should take it. He wasn't thinking too much.
Jon said that Pete seems to have a bit of a star attitude. Pete said he doesn't like to think that. He said he doesn't know and he's not sure how to react to that. Gary asked him what his gut says because he never seems to have a good answer for anything like that. Pete said he doesn't think that he's a star. He said he wore the ''Medicated Pete'' hat today to help promote the iPhone app today. Gary said that kind of leads into the whole star thing though.
Benjy asked who it is that's saying that Pete is a star. Gary said that sometimes the interns get upset when other interns are turned into stars and they take advantage of the situation. Gary said that everyone has a different excuse when they say they can't handle it. Gary said they lost one intern last semester because it was more work than they thought it was going to be.
Steve Brandano said that there are some interns there who get that Pete is a character on the show and they're not upset about him getting the attention.
Gary said that Pete took a message from someone and he didn't have enough information to figure out who it was or what they wanted. He said he had to have another intern call back and figure out who it was and what it was about. It turned out it was an important thing that he had to take care of today.
Will came in and said that Pete has been having problems with the phones and he wasn't able to transfer a call. He said this is his second semester on the show so he should be able to figure that out. Gary said he worked with Scott last semester so that's not something he'd know how to do.
the guys asked Pete what he wants to be on the show. Is he a character or an intern. Pete said he just wants to be an intern. Will added ''... with a T-shirt.''
Will said he likes the hat that Pete was wearing and asked where he can get one. Pete said he'd tell him later on. Gary said that Will just offered him a plug on a silver platter and he blew it off. Pete said he was nervous.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is finally relevant on radio again and they need to get rid of Medicated Pete. He said he's taking advantage of this whole thing and he's thinking he's a star all of a sudden. Gary said he showed up late once so he's not going to fire him over that or bite his head off.
Ralph called in and said that this is a ridiculous discussion because they shouldn't have retarded guy answering their phones. Gary said he's not retarded. Ralph said he's befuddled at the least. Gary said he has to show up and do something there. Ralph said maybe he should sit by the bathroom and monitor that. Ralph apologized and said he thought Pete was retarded. Gary said Ralph knew he wasn't retarded. Ralph just laughed.
Gary asked Ralph what's going on with him and Sam. Ralph said he's not sure what's wrong with him. He said that Sam has been Twittering some stuff that's just wrong and he can't get behind that. He said he was messing with Sam last night and emailing back and forth so he's not sure what's going on.
Gary asked Ralph what he says on his Twitter thing. Ralph said he puts up links and comments on stuff. Gary said he doesn't get it when people talk about going to get Starbukcs and stuff. Ralph looked at his last Tweet and said it said ''LOL..that HAD to be a JOKE...right? RT @MollyQerim: Chuck Liddell works out naked?! http://tinyurl.com/yb26vj7''
Jon asked Ralph about the clothing discussion Howard had with him this morning. Ralph said that he is overly nice to people when he's representing Howard when he's buying him clothes. He said he handles himself very well with that kind of thing. Ralph said he's not sure where Howard is coming from with that.
Benjy and Ralph also talked about the picture Ralph had of Sarah from the Christmas party. Benjy said he'd prefer that they not post it anywhere. Ralph said it wasn't hard to get that picture and he wasn't sticking it up her skirt or anything. Benjy told him not to post it anywhere and Ralph was fine with that.
Jon asked Benjy if he and Sarah are done. Benjy said they aren't dating but they still hang out. He was being kind if cryptic about the whole thing. Benjy said that they were still seeing each other but that was it. He said they're not dating.
Benjy said he'd rather let her talk about it on her own. He said she hates to be talked about on the show like that so he's not going to do it. He said he thinks that they're broken up but he's not going to say anything else.
A caller said that he thinks that Pete has proven himself to be a liar and he thinks he's taking advantage of the show with the whole thing. He said that Pete should have been there for his job even if it is just an internship.
The caller was also saying that Pete the Asian Virgin was going off on Pete and he wonders who Pete thinks he is for going off on him like that.
Medicated Pete just said ''Wow'' to that. He said it was like a ton of bricks. Jon asked Pete if he has Tourettes because he guy said he wasn't sure he could believe he does. Pete said he does. The guys all said they believe that too.
Benjy was trying to figure out what the two Pete's were fighting over. Will said that Medicated Pete actually helped get the other Pete on the show. Benjy asked Pete what the other Pete is accusing him of doing. Pete said that he's accusing him of taking all of his money. Will said that Medicated Pete joked around that he was going to take all of his money when he was talking to Pete the Asian Virgin's handler. It was all very confusing.
Jon moved on to talk about Beetlejuice and how Robin had told Beet to hand his phone to Howard. Howard wasn't going to touch it. They played the audio of that part of the show.
After that Pete mentioned that they dropped the price of the app to $1.99 since they were complaining about it being $2.99. Pete said they dropped it after the interview.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's not a big fan of Pete or JD. He said that it's what Howard does with them on the air and he thinks that he's doing the best he can with them. He said that's the great part of Howard but he's not sure what more they have to offer the show. He said it's the same with Beetlejuice on the show.
Will asked the guys why they think Howard is okay with Pete and the merchandise when he gets mad at other people there. Gary said maybe it's because he doesn't actually get paid to work there. If he were working there and getting paid then maybe Howard would get upset.
Another caller said that he likes what they do on the show. He said that he hates the fans that call in and tell Howard how to run his show. He said he just doesn't get those people. Gary said that it's always been like that. Some people have more of a passion with it when they're paying to hear the show.
Jon had to go to break but gave Pete a plug. Pete said that you can go to FirehouseSpec.com to find out more about the app. The guys weren't even sure what he was saying. They went to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Lisa Lampanelli. Jon asked Gary how he thought she looked. Gary said he thinks that she got a little heavier. He said she had a blue streak in her hair too. He said they didn't get to talk about that on the show today.
JD came in so Jon asked him about the Ashley Dupre video and how he handled that discussion today. Jon said that he seems to be a little defensive about the whole thing. JD said he's not sure about that. He said he respects her and he's ''...not going to like... I dunno.''
JD said that he wants to do something different and something that hasn't been seen before. He said he's not sure he wants to get into the suggestions he's gotten. He said he got the stuff from Howard, Robin and Fred and they were basically saying it should be a porno movie. He said he has no desire to be in the video at all.
Benjy asked if Ashley was aware of the situation. JD said that she has friends who listen to the show so they fill her in. Benjy asked if they joked about that at all or that he was still going for her. JD said she knows that he's interested in her. He said he's not telling her that he's in love with her or anything. He said he doesn't love her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has an idea for JD. He said he should take her out to dinner and a carriage ride and then donate the money to charity. He said he thinks that she'd love that. JD said it might end up being like that if he doesn't do something soon. The guy said that the charity thing makes chicks like you. Jon said that someone suggested that he just give Ashley the 5 grand for sex. JD said he wouldn't do that.
Jon took some more calls and let some callers give JD some other suggestions. JD said he'll figure something out on his own.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that Pete is big timing there. JD said he doesn't spend a lot of time around him but he did notice the hat and the iPhone app. He said he's not sure what the hell is going on there. Will said he doesn't think that JD likes Pete. Will said that he invited Pete to a beer pong tournament and he got upset about that.
JD said he wasn't sure how Pete was going to act at the event. He said that Pete barely made it to the cup. He said it was weird having him there and he wasn't sure if he was going to hang around him and stare at him. The event was held at a bar. Benjy asked why he wasn't invited. Will said Benjy never comes out.
JD got all worked up when the guys said that Pete's team won a game. JD's team didn't win any games. JD thought that they were on cahoots with each other about the whole thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD has to stop caring about the results of the video thing. He said that JD is looking for something more than he should be. He said that he should let Ashley figure out why she's not going to sleep with him for other reasons.
Jon said that JD seemed flustered today. JD said he had been there all night so he was kind of tired. JD said he thought the trains were going to be fucked up today so he wanted to be in. He said he didn't know if he could get there on time if he didn't get in. He said he was there at 8 last night. Gary asked where he slept. JD said he hasn't slept. He said he was trying to get stuff done but then they called him in there.
Jon moved on to talk about Howard talking about how proud he was that he was being treated better than Regis. JD said he loves Regis and he'd love to sit next to him at a movie. He said he thinks that he's the lead talker so he'd just laugh at him bitching about anything. Jon asked Gary where he thinks Howard was coming from there. Gary said that Howard wants to be the top important guy so that's why he gets off on that.
Jon asked Gary if he has ever been treated poorly at a movie premiere or anything. Gary said one time he was invited to one and he and his kids got seated in the second to last row. He said he thought that they could have seated him closer. He said it wasn't that big of a deal though.
Gary ended up talking about how he was going to get a Shea Stadium urinal installed in the Man Cave but his wife wasn't too thrilled about that. Gary said that he grew up peeing at Shea so it would have been cool. Jon didn't think that was something he would do. He asked Gary how that conversation went. Gary said Howard has his own bathroom and he can do what he wants. He said that he'd do it if he had his own bathroom like Howard does.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to get Will on the Wrap Up Show more and he loves him on there. The guy said that they should have Scott take up Will's slack in the office. Gary said that the two aren't connected. Gary said that maybe he'd spend less time with Benjy if anyone.
Jon asked Gary if they could put Scott on the phones for a while. Will said they should do that because if anyone is on that phone for any time they'll act like he does on the phones. He said that people call him mean but he's not being mean, that's just the way you handle people on the phones there.
Gary said he used to see Stuttering John arguing with callers all the time. They'd just be callers to the show and he'd be in major arguments with him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's all for Will being on the Wrap Up Show more. He said he's really good. The caller then told JD to get over Ashley Dupre because she's just a whore and a skank. JD said he's over whatever, he's not in love. He said he does like Ashley though. Will said he's obsessed with her. JD told him to shut up.
Jon asked Gary about Lisa Lampanelli not inviting Lisa G to her wedding. Gary said that Lisa G is like the only person he knows who wants to go to weddings. The guys talked about some of the other people Lisa wants to invite to her wedding and how Lisa G is on that B-list. Will said that you have to cut it off at some point and people are going to be insulted.
Jon took a call from a guy who joked about how JD should jump off a bridge or borrow the knife that Artie used on himself. The guys let the caller hang with his lame joke and sarcastically told him he was brilliant. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the news about their Governor. He said that the amount of coverage of this guy's problems shows how important it is to pick the right person to go into office. Howard let out a belch so he told Robin that he had to rush to eat so it was all repeating on him.
Howard said they lost their governor Spitzer and then got this guy Patterson. He said it turns out this guy is insane and completely whacked out of his head. He said the guy is making phone calls like Richard Nixon and he's completely whacked out of his skull.
Howard said this is like a reality show guy getting into office or something. He said that it would be like ''The Situation'' from Jersey Shore getting into office. He said that they have a 9 billion dollar deficit and they can't find this guy Patterson.
Howard said he ran into some people from CBS morning news out in the lobby. He said they're getting ready to have him on the Early Show this morning. He said that the Howard TV guys are on fire because they're going to be using their feed for the CBS coverage. Howard said that some of the people were carrying clipboards and he likes to see that.
Robin noticed that they had the flames on fire behind Howard on camera. Howard said he didn't realize that. He said it looks like he's in hell.
Howard said the CBS people were there when he got there around 5:30. He said Gary was on the phone with them all yesterday. He said it turns out they don't have any equipment to broadcast back to the CBS people. He said they don't have an ISDN line or anything. Gary said they're not even in Hi-Def over there yet.
Gary said that they don't have ISDN lines to give them a signal back there and he felt kind of bad about that. He said he told them that if they use a phone line they would sound bad and it would make them both look bad. They managed to set something up so they'll sound better than a phone line.
Gary said they were going to give Howard a monitor to see Harry Smith but that was going to have a delay on it. Howard said they could have just used Skype or something. Gary said he saw a show where they had an interview thing over the internet and it was really good. He said it wasn't Skype though.
Howard said that they're going to have a picture of Harry Smith on a TV screen so he'll remember to look at the TV screen he needs to look at.
Howard asked Gary who the woman was there. Gary said that is Ginny and she's the producer. Gary told Howard about how they were meeting yesterday and they had like 11 conversations going on at once over cell phones in there. Robin said that TV seems like a quick and easy thing but then you find out they need like 50 people to make it happen. Howard is going to be doing 4 minutes of coverage and that's apparently huge for them.
Howard said that Harry Smith is looking like a urologist in the picture they have of him. Howard said that Julie Chen is going to be there and he wondered why she won't be doing the interview. Gary wasn't sure about that.
Howard said that he got a note from someone saying that the woman running around was Hillary from SIRIUS. Gary said that she's running around too but there's also Ginny from CBS. He said he wasn't sure who he saw. Howard said he should know Hillary because he's probably met her before.
Gary said he had a schedule for when they might go to Howard live. Howard said he'll make sure to have his sunglasses on. Gary said that they have 5 times that they might go to Howard between 7 and 8 just to promote it. Howard said he wants to look good for the cameras but then he said he doesn't care. He said he's afraid that they'll see him rubbing his penis under the console. Scott DePace said that they can't see that so he shouldn't worry about it. Scott said they can see his nose though.
Howard thanked Gary for the updates. He asked the guys if they tweaked the flames on the monitors. Scott said they did not. They had to take out a diffuser so they could put up some logos during the taping. He said that they have the Howard TV and SIRIUS XM logos in there. Howard said it was very distracting to him. He said that he doesn't want that. Howard said he can imagine Scott Greenstein going nuts making them put the logos in there.
Howard said he has to concentrate on not cursing. Howard said he knows not to curse but they're afraid he's going to say something wrong. Howard said he knows what to do but they're running a delay on him anyway.
Howard and Robin talked about how the Ed Sullivan Show was always afraid of what the Beatles and Elvis were going to do something wild when they made appearances on that show.
Howard said that Dan Forman told him that he saw that CBS was running a promo for a ''rare'' appearance by Howard Stern on the Early Show. Howard said that they're making a big deal out of this and he's looking forward to talking about Jay Leno's return to the Tonight Show.
Howard said he saw an article about the Leno thing and the writer mentioned him in it. Howard said the guy's name is Christopher Lawrence. He said that he wrote about the NBC fiasco and said that the best thing to do is boycott the show and just not watch it. Howard said that he pointed out that 7 months after Jay took over the Tonight Show NBC went to Letterman and told him that they made a mistake with Jay and asked him to take over. Dave picked up and left and went to CBS. Howard said that Jay has been continually insulted by NBC and he stays there.
Howard said that Jay also pushed Johnny Carson out of his spot. He said this is all the stuff he's going to be talking about on the CBS Early Show.
Howard said that a lot of the stuff they do on the Tonight Show is a rip off of either his show or other shows. Howard said Jay is a friggin thief. He said he wants to point out all of this stuff in the 4 minutes he has on the Early Show. Howard said he thinks that Dave is a man of integrity and Jay isn't. He said Dave walked away from NBC because they disgraced him. He said Jay should have done the same thing.
Howard said he got some calls from Jerry Seinfeld's people to be on his ''The Marriage Ref'' show as a judge. Howard said he's very hot as a judge right now so he turned that down. He said he can't do that show as a guest. He said he'd have to be a regular.
Howard said that they have some wacky judges on that show. He said they have Alec Baldwin and Madonna. Howard said Madonna might be mentally ill. He said he was complimented that he was asked to be a judge on all of these shows. He said they didn't want him before but now everyone is looking for him. He said he knows he's ready to judge something.
Howard said he has the greatest tape ever to play for Robin. He said Will got a phone call from Miss Howard Stern, Andrea, who has been Miss Howard Stern forever. He said that he has to play the clip of her talking to Will. She was in tears and crying to him. He said this is why she will always be Miss Howard Stern. He said word got to her about the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant and she thought that she was going to lose her title.
Howard played the audio of Andrea crying as she was telling Will that they hurt her with this whole thing and she can't believe that they're taking away her title. Howard said it was Andrea's birthday yesterday and she was freaking out over this. Howard had to tell Robin about what she was saying because it was kind of hard to understand. Andrea was upset that no one called her yesterday. She was saying she was 27 and no one has called her since she was 18.
Andrea was freaking out about the Mistress Beauty Pageant thinking that they were taking away her title. Will told her that they weren't taking her title but she said that she should be involved with any pageant on the show. She said she's not going to let it go and she's going to write a book about it all. Will said they love her there. Andrea was crying and yelling at Will about writing that book.
Howard said he'd love to see Andrea write a book. He'd love to see her try and write a letter. He said she seems to think that she's got that title for life. Robin said that no one ever keeps a title year after year. Howard said Robin is making too much sense.
Howard played more of the tape of Andrea yelling at Will but it was very hard to understand. He and Robin barely understood what she was saying. Robin said that they don't call them the Wack Pack for nothing.
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Howard said he can't imagine that Les is thrilled about having another kid. He's got 3 others with other women.
Howard said he got a baby announcement from Senator Al D'Amato. He said that guy is in his 70s and he loves having kids. Howard said he's not sure what to send to him for that kid. He said that Kidd Chris just had a baby too.
Howard said he got a note from a fan who said that he was in a mental institution and he was able to listen to the show. They pumped in the Howard Stern Show and the guy heard them talking about OCD and that helped the guy get passed the block in his head. He was out of the place in a year after that. Howard said he saved someone in a mental institution. Robin said she's very happy for that young man and for Howard.
Howard said Gary's podiatrist sent him a special nail clipper for his toe nails. He said that it's a big magnifying glass with a light on it to clip his nails. He said it worked out really good. Gary said that her name is Jackie Cetera and she's great. He said she helped him get rid of his toe fungus.
Howard said he was reading about how 3D movies can give you vision problems. He said he watched Avatar recently and he had a hard time seeing it. It turned out he had his sunglasses on the whole time. He said he won't be seeing 3D stuff anymore. He said he doesn't want to mess his eyes up with that. Robin said they have a lot of 3D movies in production now and it's going to be hard to see. Howard said they have 3D TVs coming out on the market too.
Howard said he saw that Tim Burton's ''Alice in Wonderland'' is in 3D. Howard said Tim Burton is great and he was saying that he hadn't even seen Avatar so he wasn't sure what that 3D looked like. Howard said that we see in 3D all day long so there's no reason to see that in a movie.
Howard said he was reading about Eve Plum and Maureen McCormick getting into some kind of argument over stuff was happening when they were on the Brady Bunch together. Howard said he heard that they almost had a reunion show happen with them but then Eve found out that Maureen was going to be on the show and the whole thing fell apart. Howard said they might have to get Maureen on the show to ask her about what went on.
Howard said that this story about Carley Simon revealing who the song ''You're So Vain'' is about is wrong. He said that Carley told him who it was about years ago and she's denied that it's about David Geffen. Howard said that Carley told him who it was about off the air. Robin said Howard can't remember who it was though. Howard said that's true but not everyone knows that.
Howard said he interviewed Carley and her son about their relationship with James Taylor and that led to Carley telling him she wanted to give him something special. That's when she told him about who she wrote that song about. He said she may have had a crush on him from what he can tell.
Howard said that he and Beth were talking about how some shows won't have her on because she's married to him. He said that he thinks that they won't have her back on The View because Whoopi has a problem with him. Howard said he's not sure why that is. Robin reminded him that he goes off on how awful she is on that show. Howard said he does say that she's a great actress. He talked about the movie Ghost which Whoopi was in. He said that she made out with Demi Moore and Demi must have thought it was a joke when she first read the script.
Fred played some audio of Howard and Beth singing ''Close To You'' together in a karaoke thing. Howard said he thinks it's just as good as Regis and Joy singing together. Howard said he was hammered that night. He said he didn't even remember singing.
Robin said that Regis and Joy were on The View singing to each other. She said they changed the song to make it about their own lives.
Howard said that he didn't get the whole episode of ''Celebrity Rehab'' this week. He said his TiVo cut it off after 9 minutes. He wasn't sure why that was.
Howard said Gary sends out a note when they go on vacation and he says they'll ''be dark'' for those weeks. Howard said they're not ''dark'' they're on vacation. Gary said they talk like that all the time in the business. Howard goofed on Gary about all of that for a couple of minutes.
Gary was telling Howard about some of the other terms they use in the business that he knows about. Howard said Gary doesn't know a friggin thing about TV. He said he doesn't know what a ''hard out'' means. Gary did know what it means but he was saying that Mike Gange told him about it. He said that Gange will know what a hard out is when he quits this business. Then Gange will have a ''hard out.''
Robin said that Mike Gange is turning 40 years old soon. Howard said that Ralph claims he's only 43 but he thinks he's older. Gary said he has to be 45 or 46 at least.
Howard said Ralph is a weirdo. He said he's making plans with Robin to go somewhere but he won't tell him where. He said it's like a divorced wife who won't say where she's going. Howard said that he found out that they went to a tennis match or something. He said it was a big secret.
Howard said that CD 2 has never worked. He said he was just going to go home. He ended up sticking around and played the Regis and Joy song that he was talking about earlier.
Howard played some of it and said he's going to get this for his parents. That must be who it's aimed at. Robin asked where Regis ever hears music like this. Howard said this was like Punk Rock in 1930.
Howard said that Joy has that warble in her voice. Robin said that Joy can't sing, that's why she does that. Howard said those are his neighbors so she can't be saying that.
Howard played more of the song and Robin said that they changed the lyrics when they did it on The View. She said they made it about their own lives in that version. Howard said that album is going to spawn the Howard and Beth album.
Gary said that they did the same thing in two other markets. Howard played those clips as well. Harry repeated the joke about the 10 second delay. Howard said that Harry is a pro and he makes it sound like it's new each time. Howard said that's a horrible job. He said he has to say the same stuff over and over again in different markets. He said it's either that or he has no short term memory.
Howard said he doesn't know much about Harry Smith. Gary came in and gave him some details about his career and stuff like that. They spent a minute talking about Harry and his hair loss. That led to Robin talking about how Chuck Norris lost his hair but he seems to be getting more and more. Gary said Al Michaels also appears to be getting more and more hair. He said it looked pretty good though so he's not sure how that happened. He said he wasn't sure if it was a piece or if he had some kind of plugs put in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Harry Smith is a good guy and he does a good job on the show. He said he also loves Howard's show and he gets it. Howard thanked him for that and went to break.
Howard came back and asked Fred what song they were listening to. Howard thought it was ''The Crunge'' but Fred told him it's ''Dancing Days.'' Howard said he should know that because he had every album. Robin didn't know what ''The Crunge'' was so Fred tried to find that to play for her. Howard said he used to sit in his room and pretend to be every member of the band all at once. Fred played the song and it wasn't the song he thought it was. They spent a minute listening to that and Howard said he has done many a dance number and singing along to that song. He did that when he was a kid.
Howard said that Lisa G was dressed in her best clothes today for TV. He said that she had a blazer on. Lisa said she did that to look more professional. Howard said that everyone is trying to look good for CBS.
Lisa G said they spoke to John Varvatos yesterday. She said that he actually has a show there at CBS and he's been a fan of Howard's since he was on in Detroit. She said that John has given Howard credit for the spike in traffic on his web site after he mentioned his clothes on the show. Howard said he has a lot of his stuff.
Lisa talked about what John said about Howard's scarf look and how it works for him. Howard said the guys there get threatened by anything new he wears. He said he's trying to wear a look and they get threatened by that. Howard said he left the scarf on in the studio and got a lot of garbage for doing that. Lisa was saying that John was suggesting that he double loop the scarf. Howard thought she meant Jon Hein but she said she meant John Varvatos.
Lisa asked about what John Varvatos stuff he was wearing today. Howard said he had his sneakers on. He said the jacket might be his too. Gary said that he thinks that the Converse sneaker was one of his first designs. Lisa said that he called it a collaboration with Converse. Howard said he likes they and tried to get a few more but they may have discontinued them.
Ralph came in said they need some more of those sneakers. He said that they don't have them on the web site anymore. Howard kicked Ralph out right after that. He said he was wearing clown pants. Ralph said they were sweat pants. Howard told him to get out of there and stay behind the scenes.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone and he was saying that they just did a promo of him. Howard said he got sucked into doing the show. He said he can't wait to bad mouth Jay Leno. He said everyone is afraid to do it so he's looking forward to doing it. Howard said that everyone is a sell out and they'll just go on that show even though he just fucked over Conan.
Howard was about to go off on Jay some more but he wanted to save it for the CBS show. He said that Jay makes him nuts. He said he just dislikes this guy and he's not afraid to say it.
Lisa said that Wendy the Retard is up to 249 pounds and her mother was shocked by that. Howard said it doesn't matter, she's retarded. Lisa said that Wendy is now on a diet. She said that Nicole Bass has also gotten big and she's up to 290 pounds. Howard said she must look like a giant house frau balloon. He asked what's going on with her. He said that happens a lot with body builders.
Lisa said that Sam Simon has created a Facebook page that's against Michael Vick and it has helped keep him from getting sponsors. They've been trying to pull ads from his reality show and it has been working thanks to Sam Simon's page. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said it was getting good. There was more to it though. He played a clip where Gary was going off on women saying that they're the ones who cause these problems. Gary said that women make the men look bad and said that they think that it's the man's problem. The woman who was interviewing him was yelling at Gary and going off on him about whatever it was that was going on.
In another clip Gary was telling the interviewer about his pent up frustrations and how he's sick of hearing about Haiti. He was going off on tangents during the interview that had nothing to do with him. The interviewers said that Haiti is out neighbor so we're going to help. Gary said that they need to help out people in our own country before other countries.
Howard played more of the clip where they were asking Gary if he's still a virgin. Gary said he is married so of course not. They also asked him if he thinks about taking his own life. Gary said of course he does. The interviewers said they never think about that. Gary said he still thinks about it and he still has that depression.
Howard said that kid is good television. He said he eventually walks off the set of the show. Howard said that from what he hears his wife has the 9 and 1 dialed on the phone all the time so she just has to hit 1. He played the clip where Gary Coleman gets fed up and just walks out of the interview. Gary was talking about how he doesn't do anything to his wife. They were hounding him about that stuff and Gary wasn't denying the questions. Gary said that they can all go fuck themselves. He told them to do that and they asked if that's the kind of anger that leads to his wife calling 9-1-1. Gary said that she's pushing his buttons and he's just going to leave.
Howard said he has to side with Gary in that. He said that Gary answered the question 50 times and he thinks that this woman was trying to get Gary to hit her. Howard said she asked him the question and he said ''no'' and she kept asking it over and over.
Bobo said the band leader didn't look like he wanted to be there. Howard said he doesn't want to be there and he's leaving soon.
Howard said they're going to be doing the interview in a few minutes and he's not even sure where they're going with that. Robin said they're going to want to hear his vies on the Tonight Show. Howard said they're probably bashing Letterman on The Today Show today. Gary said that they actually are. He said he just got a note about how they're talking about Dave's indiscretions. Howard said that's great that NBC is responding to him in that way.
Howard said that he told Rob Burnett he was going on the Early Show and he never heard back from Rob. He said he probably doesn't want anything to do with this. He said that Rosie O'Donnell is willing to bash Jay too and she could have come in to do that. He said he was intrigued with this whole thing and he wanted to do it this morning.
Howard ended up going off on Jay again for ripping stuff off of his show. Howard said that CBS had better hurry up and get him on the air because he's getting burnt out on this already.
Howard asked if the CBS producer was there. Gary said that he is and he's having a cup of coffee out there. Howard said that Jay has this thing called ''Don't do this at home'' and it's a rip off of Dave's ''Stupid Human Tricks.'' He also does the ''earn your plug'' thing which is a rip off of what they do on his show.
Howard said Jamie Foxx was on Jay's show and he was kissing his ass instead of going off on him talking about what a thief he is. Howard asked Steve how quickly he can get on the air and bash Jay. Steve said they'll be on in about 14 minutes so that's how long he has to wait.
Howard asked Steve about dating and found out he broke up with his girlfriend recently. Howard told Steve he should get some tips from Letterman. He said he can get his own ''producer nookie room.''
Howard asked Steve if he thinks that Gary has a future in TV. Steve said they're all impressed with Gary. He said that they saw all of these people around an they were impressed by all of that. He said that it shows that they have very loyal people there. He said that Jay doesn't seem to have that kind of loyalty.
Steve asked Howard what he thought about the way Jimmy Kimmel sandbagged Jay on his own show. Howard said he loved that. He said he thinks that Jay is barely human. Steve said that Harry will be trying to show both sides of the story. He said that Jay has had good numbers so he may bring that up.
Howard asked Steve about Harry Smith and what his deal is. Steve didn't know a lot about what they were talking about and Steve didn't want to comment on some of it.
Howard and Robin talked about what they knew about Harry and the deals he's had over at CBS. Howard asked Steve where he met his girlfriend. Steve said he doesn't fish off the company pier so it wasn't someone from work. Robin said that was an interesting way to put it. Howard asked if Julie Chen ever talks about him. Steve said she's on maternity leave right now but he's never heard her talk about him.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks that the baby is really Les Moonves' baby. Steve said he does think it is. Howard said he would love it if it was his baby and Les was going to raise it. Howard asked how Julie is looking since having the kid. Steve said she looks great and she always looks great.
Howard asked Steve how he got his job on the show and things like that. Howard was getting closer to going live on CBS so they had to get ready for that. Howard let Steve go and said he has to prepare for this live shot. He said he has to pee before they do that.
Howard asked if they had time to do that. Fred said as far as he could tell they did. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was feeling kind of uptight about this whole thing. He said that Steve Langford was in there for some reason and he wasn't sure why.
Howard spent a minute talking to Steve and then Gary told him he was 35 seconds away from going live. Howard turned on his CBS feed again and heard Harry talking to him so they were live on CBS.
Harry talked to Howard about the Leno thing but Harry was having trouble hearing him. They got that fixed quickly. Howard told Harry he has never looked better even though he wasn't seeing him live. Howard went on to say that he never does live shows like this. He said when they contacted him about Jay Leno he was very intrigued. Howard said when he hears Jay's name it makes him want to vomit.
Harry asked what it is about Jay that makes him sick. Howard said that Jay pushed Johnny Carson out of his show in a merciless way and then David Letterman didn't get the show when NBC passed him over for Jay. Howard said Dave went to CBS and did his thing. Jay Leno, on the other hand, won't let go and he gets fired by NBC a couple of times. He said if he were a man he would go to another show.
Howard said Jay is a lap dog and he bombs at 10 o'clock at night. Harry was trying to say something but Howard cut him off and tried to finish his thoughts. Howard said that Jay stabbed Conan in the back and took the job back from him.
Harry said it was all about money and Jay has been successful at 11:30. NBC needs the money back and that's why they're doing this. Howard said Jay doesn't need the money though. He said he's a multi-millionaire many times over.
Howard said he never stood for anything lie that in his career. He said Jay should have dusted himself off and done his own show on another network.
Harry asked if it's true that Howard predicted that Conan would not get the show. Howard said he did tell Conan that it wouldn't happen. He said he knew that it wasn't going to work. Howard told Harry that Jay is also a thief and that's what gets his goat the most. Howard said he thinks that Dave is an original and he admitted when he lifted bits from his show. Jay doesn't do that. Howard said that Jay rips stuff off and they don't have an original thought in their heads there.
Harry asked Howard if he's going back to free radio. Howard said he doesn't miss that at all. Harry also asked if he would go on American Idol. Howard said he would do it if they offered him the $100 million. He said he would consider it and he'd have to be nuts not to take it. Howard and Harry had to wrap things up a short time later. Howard told them to stick with him the rest of the morning because they have nothing else to go to.
Howard heard Harry talking about Reba McIntyre and wondered if that's why they had to rush him off. Robin told Howard he did a good job with that interview. Howard said he didn't even get to say he loves it there at SIRIUS XM. They only had four minutes to talk so it was hard to get it all in there.
Howard asked where the producer was. Gary said he was still on the phone and he was probably getting some feedback. Howard said he didn't curse. He said he was good about that. Howard said that Harry kept interrupting him. Gary said he only got in like two words.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who said that Harry seemed to have his back on everything in the interview. Howard said Harry knew to back off and let him stay on the roll he was on. He said that Harry will be talking a lot during the Reba interview.
Robin said that Howard should have worn his astronaut helmet. Gary said he thinks that Steve left when he came into the studio a minute ago. He said that it sounded like everything was fine though.
Another caller said that they didn't give Howard enough time even though he was complaining about Howard talking about Jay yesterday. Fred said he heard that they cut off the last few seconds of the interview on CBS. Howard said he doesn't understand TV. He said he knows he's entertaining and they should let him speak more. He said they don't have to stick to the format so closely. He said they could have let him go another two minutes.
JD came in and said he doesn't think they cut off anything. Howard asked what he saw and what the last things were. JD told him and it sounded like they left it all in there. Howard said that's what it sounded like to him.
Another caller said that she ran in to see Howard on TV and he looked fantastic. She said that she was very excited to see him on TV. She said if he was on all day then he might steal the whole show from them. Howard said that wouldn't be a bad thing. Robin said that would help them get some ratings for once.
A caller said that Howard should have called Jay a communist or a terrorist or something. Howard said they should put him back up.
Howard had Melrose Larry Green on the phone. He said he saw an apology that he made to him for going on the Mancow show but he didn't even know he was on there. He said it really doesn't matter.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he was very proud of him for what he did on that show. Howard said Jeff should know what entertaining TV is since he watches it all day long. Jeff said he saw Mariann from Brooklyn standing outside of the studio over at CBS. Robin asked Jeff if anyone is proud of him. Jeff said his mother was.
Ralph came in and said that he looked fine on the show. He said he doesn't get why they rushed him off like they did. Howard said if he was a producer over there he wouldn't rush people off so quickly. He said that they say that no one does anything original anymore and if someone was good, he'd just stick with it.
Howard said that's probably the last interview he'll do for a while. He said he will do interviews where he bashes Jay anytime though. He said he'll even do them for free newspapers.
Howard took some more phone calls and Captain Janks was one of them. Janks said that Dave owes him one for this. Howard said Dave doesn't owe him. He said that Dave put him on his show when he wasn't very well known so he has an allegiance to the guy already. Janks said that Dave should have an allegiance toward him too. Howard said he should. Howard said he thinks that Dave will appreciate it. He said that late night TV guys do care if they are number one and people should choose sides.
Robin said that Dave has been number one since Jay left. She wondered what will happen now that Jay is back. Howard said he thinks that Jay will have some good ratings for the first couple of weeks but he's hoping that people will get sickened by him. He said he hopes his image is tarnished now.
Riley Martin also called in and said that he hopes to be back live tonight. He said last week they were off because of the weather.
Howard let Riley go and took a call from his dog Bianca. The guys in the back were playing barking sounds. Howard asked her a few questions and had her barking to him. Howard said he had to go to break and get Joan Rivers in there after that.
Howard came back and said that his sister Ellen was on the phone. He said she rarely calls in so he should talk to her. Ellen told him how good he was on the CBS Early Show this morning. Ellen said she's so proud of him and she thinks he's wonderful. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he does the radio show every day and no one calls, he does 4 minutes on national TV and everyone calls.
Howard talked about how Oprah and Barbara Walters are competing for guests and they end up fighting for them. He said that Barbara is an older woman now and they may move that show into Oprah's old slot. He said that it might have been enough.
Howard said that Joan Rivers was there. He said that Joan was the hottest thing in Late Night TV for a while and she had her own late night show on FOX but that didn't work out very well.
Joan came in and said that she's getting fat. Howard said she looks thin to him. She said she was 107 for a while but now she's up to 116 and she wants to kill herself. Howard asked if she has a paunchy belly. Joan said she never had a stomach in her life but now she has one. She said that she has that belly that's high up and makes her look like a pigeon. She said she may be pregnant. She told her to ask her why she thought that. Howard asked why and she said she hasn't had her period since 2004.
Howard asked Joan about these women who are getting plastic surgery since she is a proponent of that. Joan said that she is. Howard asked her about this Heidi Montag who is only 21 years old. She had breast argumentation and like 16 procedures done on her face. Joan said that she was stupid to talk about it. She said they all do it though. Joan said that they all do it and they have to so they keep looking young.
Howard asked who they were talking about that had plastic surgery. Robin said they were talking about some guys. Robert Redford was one. Howard said he thought that was his Taunta Helen. He said Al Pacino is pulled back and not looking masculine anymore. Joan said that they have to pull it back slowly and not all at once.
Howard said he thinks Joan looks great. He said that his mom is older than Joan and even she says that Joan looks glamorous.
Howard said he read about Joan going out on a date and the date dropped dead. Joan said that she had been dating him for about 5 weeks. She said it was a new romance and the guy died on her. Howard asked where they were. She said they were in a fancy restaurant but she didn't want to say which one it was. She said that she doesn't think they'd appreciate that kind of thing.
Howard asked about the date. Joan said that the guy was 74 and they had met through a mutual friend. Joan said she was told he was a very nice man. Howard asked if they kissed or anything and Joan said ''yuck'' to that. She isn't into kissing old guys. Howard also asked about sex and Joan said that she's very dry so that would take like 4 days to get through.
Joan said that the date got very quiet and slumped over in his seat. She said she was probably in the middle of a story and didn't even notice right away. She said she thought he was a small eater. Howard asked if she noticed right away or not. She said he got very quiet and his eyes didn't even close. Joan said they called paramedics and it was a whole big thing. Joan said that people kept eating while this was going on.
Howard asked if she was embarrassed by it all. Joan said that she felt really sorry and she had to call the daughters and let them know what was going on.
Howard said that has to be tough at that age when you go out on a date and your date drops dead. Joan said that you rarely have a chance to tell people how much you hate them before they die.
Howard asked what killed this guy. Joan said it was a heart attack. She said that she wasn't even able to eat her meal after it happened. Howard asked if she sat there wondering about the food as it was going on. Joan said that she was lucky that she didn't see what happened to him when he passed.
Howard asked Joan how she mourned. She said she mourned over a big steak. Howard said he was very sorry for her.
Howard told Joan about the CBS interview he did about Jay. He asked her if she's still pissed at Jay. Joan said she's glad he's back because she doesn't need to take Ambien anymore.
Howard said that Jay was fired twice from NBC and he still stuck around and sucked their corporate balls. Joan said he is not a nice man theoretically. Joan said that Jay is a tough guy and he's going to get that money no matter what. She said that Conan is the luckiest unfunny white man in America. She said he got $40 million for that deal and she's pretty sure that he's going to end up on FOX with his own show.
Joan said that Letterman is doing great and Jimmy Kimmel is good. She said that none of them get ratings though. She said that they brag about the ratings they get and it's really nothing. Joan said that she was up against Johnny Carson with her show and she was told they were always in the black with her show. They were never in the red so it was never about money that they ended it.
Howard asked Joan about what happened to her on this plane she was detained on recently. Joan said it was in Costa Rica and they took her off the plane because they didn't know that Joan Rivers and Joan Rosenberg were the same person. Joan said she didn't have money down there and she was stuck there for four days.
Joan said it just happened to her again in Toronto. She said she got pulled out of line and they detained her. She said that she could have missed her flight again. She said that she thinks that part of it is her age and part of it might be her fame. Howard said they put his mother thought he metal detector at the movie theater she goes to.
Joan said that she has this coat that she wears that's 38 years old and they might get angry. She said that the coat is 38 years old so the Sables died before most of these people were even born. Joan said that it keeps happening to her and she's not happy. She said that they stick her on the plane with kids behind her and she hates kids. Joan said that these people have ugly kids that they think are adorable. She said she can't stand that.
Howard said they had a good laugh at Joan's expense when they listened to her about the ghost stories. Joan said that those stories are true. Howard asked why she doesn't get it on tape then. Joan said that she's very comforted with her.
Howard said he would love to believe that there are ghosts but he doesn't believe it. Joan swears that she has a ghost in her apartment and one in her house in Connecticut. She said that one has been seen by 4 other people. Howard said his nightmare is that he'd be stuck in Joan's apartment as a ghost when he dies.
Howard asked Joan about how she found out about this ghost. Joan said the dog wouldn't go into the apartment. She said that she ''felt'' Mrs. Spencer in there and she has never ''seen'' her. Joan said that the other ghost has been seen by her friends but not by her.
Joan said that she was told by this psychic that the ghost in the house in Connecticut had something in the basement for her. She said she went down there and found ashes. She also said that there were other times when she's been told about things that ghosts have told the psychic.
Howard asked Joan if she got into a fight with Victoria Beckham. Joan said she despises that woman so much. Joan said that she asks the drivers she has who the nicest people were and Victoria Beckham is the name that comes up as one of the people who aren't nice. That's the only reason she dislikes her.
Howard said Joan is returning to the E! Fashion Police. Joan said that she and Melissa quit their jobs there. They were not fired. Joan said that they wanted more money and E! wasn't able to come up with any. Then they hired Ryan Seacrest and came up with $20 million. Joan said that they're returning to the show and they're no longer going to have to hold back on saying things to people. They are going to be able to speak their minds. Joan said that they will create a lot of enemies doing this but that's what her job is.
Joan said that she's going to have a reality show with Melissa coming up soon. She said it's going to be called ''Mother Knows Best.'' Howard said that the show ''How'd You Get So Rich'' is also coming back so Joan is very busy.
Howard asked Joan if she's making any money from E!. Joan said that money is shit money. She said she makes money with the concerts and the jewelry. She said that she loves the work though.
Howard told Joan he's thinking of retiring. Joan told him he can't do that. Howard said he thinks that he can and if he gets bored after a couple of years, maybe he'll come back. Joan told him not to retire. She said that he has to keep going because people like Jack Parr retired and he was never able to make that return. Howard said he'll do fine if he retires.
Howard asked Joan about Robin going to a party at Joan's place. Robin said that there was no furniture in the place that day. Joan said that Robin is full of it. Howard said he's been to Joan's place for a party and it was the worst party ever. He said that she had no food and it was just people standing around drinking.
Howard gave Joan some plugs for the shows she's doing. He plugged the E! stuff and said he likes Joan's attitude on the Fashion Police show. He told Joan she's good at doing that. He said she's also doing some dates at the Venetian in Las Vegas. He said he hopes she can get home from there when she tries to fly back.
Howard told Joan she looks good but even Joan said ''Uchhh.'' She said that her plastic surgeon actually died. She outlived that guy. Howard asked if it's true she's been painting lately. Joan said she has been painting for 12 years and no one has ever asked for one of them. Howard asked if she would paint his bathroom. Joan said she would do such a great job. Howard told Joan he loves her. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he was looking over some email. He also had a porno clip. He said that Richard and Sal called Gary into their office and showed Gary a clip from a porno with these guys wearing disturbing clown masks with long noses on them. The guys were holding the girls down and trying to pee on the girls. Howard said one girl was being violated with a baseball bat. Gary said that the girl was doing all she could to get away and the guys were holding her mouth open. Howard that sounds illegal to him. Gary said that Sal was sitting there with his arms crossed and said that he doesn't like that stuff.
Sal came in and said that the girls are willing in those videos. Sal said that the guy who sent it didn't give them a return address so he's not sure where it came from. Howard played some of this video which was called ''Sex Box.'' The girls were smoking hot according to Sal. In the clip the girl was gurgling the pee as she was trying to scream.
Sal said that one guy had her mouth pried open and the other guy was pissing in her mouth. Howard said that Sal must love that. Sal said that it's a little odd for him. He said that he likes women who are degraded like that but the girls aren't enjoying it in this video. He said he likes the women that like it to be done to them.
Gary said he doesn't believe Sal. He said he likes any woman who gets degraded like that. Sal said he really doesn't. Howard played more of the video and asked if they were supposed to be bandits or something. Sal said that they were chucked into this cage and the guys were pissing on them in the cage. He said guys were banging the chicks and they were peeing on them the whole time.
Sal said the gross thing is that the guy's hands were getting peed all over too. Howard said Sal hates this but he watched it for over an hour yesterday. Sal said he had to see what was going on in the video.
Howard said people think we're disturbed sexually in this country but these videos come from other countries where people are really messed up. Howard said someone said it was from Germany but he wasn't sure how that was. Benjy said he saw that it was a John Thompson production and they were based in Germany. Sal said that some of this stuff is illegal in the United States.
Sal said that he really wasn't into this video. He said that he didn't even get a tingle in his pouch. Howard also talked to Benjy about how he found out that it was by this John Thompson guy. Benjy said he looked it up on the web and found the description which was exactly that. He said he could be wrong though.
Richard came in and said that Sal sits back there smoking his fake cigarettes watching this stuff. Howard said that he's not against porn but this stuff is a little crazy. Richard said that Sal likes a lot of weird stuff and he likes one song by this group because the guy is singing about killing his wife. Sal said that it's a song by Priestess and the song is good. He said he doesn't just like it because of the lyrics. The song that Sal was talking about was ''Lay Down.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it sounds like Howard rushed through his thoughts on the CBS Early Show. Howard said that he just answered the guy's question. He had four minutes to do it so maybe he was rushing.
The caller also asked if Sal drives him crazy with that porno stuff. Howard said Sal doesn't do that to him all the time. He said he wasn't crazy this morning.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks that The Today Show going off on Letterman was a shot at him for doing the Early Show. Steve hadn't seen it yet so he wasn't sure what to think about it.
Steve said that Daniel Carver Jr. is still in jail and trying to get released. He said they also have an update on the teacher who was fired after appearing on The Howard Stern Show. She's in court trying to get her job back and trying to prove that her firing was unnecessary.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things he had for today's show. That led to Howard talking about the Early Show interview and Gary mentioned that the producer may have gotten some weird calls from his bosses. Gary said Scott DePace overheard some stuff that made it sound like they may have been mad at him for going on the air. Howard said the guy said nothing wrong and he did fine. He doesn't get why people are so uptight.
Howard ended up goofing on Gary about the ''live hit'' thing again. He said that Gary just takes on that lingo even though he never talks like that. Gary said that he was just repeating what Scott DePace told him. Howard said that was Scott's saying so he's not sure why Gary would take that. Gary said he was just repeating what he said. Gary said he didn't process it before repeating it. Howard said Scott should start giving Gary fake phrases and words to see if he repeats them. Howard said that he could tell Gary ''we're doing a live guzinta'' and things like that.
Howard said that the other thing Gary does is say that they're going to be ''dark'' when they're on vacation. Howard said that they're not on TV. Gary said they've been on TV for 12 years on E! and Howard TV. Howard said that doesn't count.
Howard said Gary loves lingo like that. He said he's going to give Scott some more words like ''Stoop Hits'' so Gary can ask him if he knows what a Stoop Hits is and he can tell Gary he's the stupid one.
Howard said that Mr. Skin is doing a new show for Howard TV and it's really good. He said that it's really entertaining. Doug Goodstein said that guy has a whole empire going. He has like 30 employees working for him. Howard said Sal should be Mr. Piss since he knows so much about piss videos.
Robin read a story about this show Axe Men and how one of the guy's on the show lost his 4 year old daughter to the family's Rottweiler who attacked and killed her. The family had one of their other Rottweiler's euthanized a few months ago after it attacked a family member.
Wheels called in and asked Howard about the line up for Dancing with the Stars for this year. Howard said he heard about Pam Anderson and The Bachelor dude being on. He said he likes that. Shannon Doherty is going to be on too. Wheels said they have some other hot chicks on the show too. Wheels said that Erin Andrews is going to be on too. Howard said she's hot. Robin said that Buzz Aldrin is going to be on. Kate Gosslin will be on too. Wheels said she's looking hot too.
Wheels was also talking about Jerry Seinfeld's new show ''The Marriage Ref'' and how good he thought that was. He said that he has huge teeth though.
Captain Janks called in and said that they were just talking about Howard on The Today Show. He said that they weren't really trashing him but they were critiquing him. Howard said he has to see that. He said that they're probably angry at him for bad mouthing Jay Leno. Howard said that NBC fired Leno twice so they're the leaders in trashing the guy.
Howard asked Robin what else was in the news. Robin said that Tera Patrick retired from porn but she's now entertaining the troops. Robin said Tera has fans over there and she's saying that she had a nervous breakdown too.
Robin said that Roger Ebert was on Oprah's show yesterday showing off his voice synthesizer. Howard asked how it worked. Robin said she's not sure. She read the article and they say that they used audio of his old voice to speak out the words. Howard wanted to hear some of that so he told JD to get the audio for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they weren't really trashing Howard on The Today Show. He said they were just talking about Howard being a big presence. Howard said that Janks must have been trying to get him riled up. He said he has enough enemies and he doesn't need more.
Howard found out that the Oprah show with Roger Ebert hasn't aired yet. He said that it's supposed to be on today.
Robin brought up the new Tonight Show and how they have a generic announcer on the show. She said that Jay got in a jab at NBC in his opening monologue. She played some audio of that.
Howard had some audio from the Today Show where they were talking about him. They didn't say anything bad about him at all. Howard said he's not sure how Janks got that so wrong.
Robin read a story about a man who ate a winning lottery ticket while on an airplane flight. He won some money but they wouldn't let him off so he got frustrated and ate it. It was on a Polish airline. Robin said that invalidated his claim.
Robin read about a man who urinated on a downed power line and got electrocuted. He wasn't seriously hurt in the accident that he was in but when he peed on the line he was electrocuted. They had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin said she was at a tennis match last night and Nancy Kerrigan was there. She said that she found that odd since her father was just killed by her brother not too long ago. Howard asked what the proper amount of time would be. Robin said she saw she was a correspondent and she wasn't sure when she got that job. Robin said even Ralph noticed what a good time she was having there. They both found that kind of odd. Howard said when his parents go he's going to continue to have a good time.
Robin read that Alex Rodriguez is meeting with some people about a doctor who is being investigated about performance enhancing drugs. There are some other guys who were treated by the same doctor. Howard said that everything seems to be falling apart with that guy other than the baseball thing. He said he looks like a tragedy getting ready to happen.
Robin said they did a new poll on who they think is the worst scoundrel out there. Howard said he must be on the list. Robin said he's not on this list. She said that it's about celebrities who mess up like Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen. She read through some of the other names on the list too. Howard said he can't think of a better way to make a living than Tiger having sponsors. He said that he can't even get people like Coca Cola to sponsor his show. He said he'd like them to even though they're selling, what he thinks is basically rat poison, to kids. He said he'd love to be able to just get paid to endorse products. Howard said he'd love to be able to promote shitty food like that stuff McDonald's sells. He said that all of these superstars get to do it and they think he's not the right image. He said that their food is shit but they think that he's not the right role model. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about the endorsement thing. Howard said that he actually turned down a deal to do a cigarette add in Japan. He said that he didn't turn it down himself but someone in his organization had the integrity to turn it down.
Howard and Robin were talking about how bad soda and fast food can be for people. Robin said she walked past a McDonald's one day and the people there were so fat they didn't even look like people. She said that they were all fat and that's what the commercials should really show.
Howard was talking about making a commercial where he's lost his limbs and he has two Coke bottles stuck to his stumps. He said that if someone came to you and said that they had a new product that was a brown sugar water the color of diarrhea, that they're going to sell to kids, you'd think that they were nuts. Howard came up with some other product ideas like French fries doused in Uranium.
Robin read more about the poll that she had started and people were saying that they would forgive Tiger for what he did. Howard said he'd forgive him too because he didn't cheat on him. Robin said that Charlie Sheen wasn't given so much forgiveness.
Robin read some news about how the Goldman family is still trying to get money from OJ Simpson. OJ is in jail now but the family is still trying to get his stuff so they can sell it and make money from it.
Robin read about some people who left their kids in a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. They didn't charge the parent because they said it was a misunderstanding. The mother thought the aunt was taking the kid home and the aunt thought the mother was taking the child.
Robin read about the ratings that the Olympic Hockey game finals got over the weekend. Howard threw in a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Bill Clinton reaching out to Tiger Woods about his situation. Howard and Fred both went into their impressions of Clinton during that story. Robin said that Clinton wished Tiger well in the phone call. Robin said that Clinton has had his own personal scandals in the public eye.
Robin said that they're saying that President Obama hasn't reached out to Tiger and she hopes that he doesn't. Robin read about Tiger and his wife Elin heading home to Orlando after going to rehab. Howard said he thinks that Joe Pesci should fuck Elin. He said that he's a real man and that's who Elin should be with. He said that she should be with him and Lorenzo Lamas. He said they should be doing a DP with them. Robin said that Elin is supposedly living in a rented home about a mile from their hose. She has refused to move back in with Tiger at this point.
Robin read a story about a law in one state where it's legal for juveniles to strip in a club if it's a theatrical performance. Robin said that they're trying to get that law overturned.
Robin read a story about how Governor Patterson is being asked to step down from office there in New York. Patterson says he won't step down. She had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin had some news about Harold Ford Jr. and how he was going to run for a Senate seat but he's decided not to run. She had some audio clips for that story too.
Robin read some news about Mayor Marion Barry and how he may be in some more trouble for giving a job to a former girlfriend. Robin said he may face criminal corruption charges over that. They had some audio of some counsel members talking about that.
Robin read some news about school drop outs and a study that was done about that. Howard said that he thinks about 100 percent of the wack pack are drop outs. He said he's not sure about that though.
Robin had a story about how the President is trying to quit smoking. Robin said that they had some audio of a spokesperson talking about how Obama falls off the wagon once in a while.
Robin read some news about a former madam that wants to run for governor. Howard played some audio of that woman talking and pointed out that she said ''tax burgen'' instead of ''tax burden.''
Robin read some news about the Sea World trainer who was killed last week. They had the funeral for the woman on Monday. Robin had some audio of some people at the funeral talking about her death.
Robin read some news about Lil Wayne going to jail. She said he was down in Miami partying before he had to head to prison.
Robin said that Clay Aiken is suddenly speaking out about being gay. Howard said that's because his career has tanked. He jokingly said no one suspected a thing before. Howard played some of his music and said he's creepy.
Robin read about the new movie ''Green Zone'' and had some audio clips of Matt Damon talking about that. Howard played those clips and lasted for a few seconds before cutting them off. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon ran down the list of subjects they had for the show and started off talking about Gary's use of TV terms that he doesn't usually use. Gary said it was one term. He said he tried to get there really early today and he got stuck in traffic. Gary said he had to stop in front of the station and have an intern park his car. Gary said that he heard from Scott DePace about that ''live hit'' and he repeated it to Howard and that lead to the whole show being about that.
Mike Gange took some crap for that today so he was sitting in on the show. Gange wasn't sure how that happened. Gary said he just mentioned Gange's name while they were talking about it and that's how he got hit with the shrapnel.
Jon said everyone seemed to be on edge today. They were acting like it was a different kind of show but they were really just doing the same show. Gary said they had some issues to work out and that was making some people on edge.
Gange said that a lot of people use those terms and they do that all the time. He said that's what the ''hard out'' was about. Gange said that they keep it short by saying something like that instead of ''we have to be out by...''
Gary said they kept changing the time for when Howard was going on the air and eventually set the time at 8:05. Gary said that 8 o'clock rolled around and they weren't sure who was going to give Howard the cue that he was going to be on. He said that they had to make some last minute calls to CBS to let them know when they were going on the air. He said it was very disorganized.
Scott DePace was in and said that he was telling Will to put notes up. He said that this was very out of the ordinary for then even though it was a simple thing. He said that he's not sure what happened with Harry Smith when he wasn't able to hear Howard. Scott said he thinks that it was on their end. Gary said that he heard that they were going to do it like Harry was on the phone but they were going back and forth on that.
Jon asked Scott about having a picture of Harry for Howard to look at. Scott said that was his idea. they had a still shot of Harry that Howard got to look at during the interview. Scott said that they had to get Howard to look in one direction for the TV show so that's why they did that. He said that Howard actually did it and he was surprised that he did it for as long as he did.
Gary said that they were going to have video set up but it was going to be delayed by a second or more and it would have confused things.
Scott and Gary also talked about how they go ''dark'' when they're on vacation. Scott said everyone uses that term so he's not sure why Howard was going so nuts about that. Gary said he gets a lot of email from people who ask when they are dark. He said it's a normal thing.
Benjy said he used to get confused when Gary would say he was going to ''drop the kids off at the pool'' not knowing that he was actually going to the bathroom. He said he thought he was really going to drop the kids off. Gary said Stuttering John used to say he was going to ''drop the Cosby kids off at the pool'' when he would go.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about what Howard was wearing today. they talked about his scarf and how Ralph was wearing one today when he came in. Gange said that Howard has a problem with his neck so he thinks that he may feel better wearing it. He said he feels that it's kind of femme though. Gange said that Howard doesn't like seeing his Adam's apple so that covers it up.
Fred came in and talked about how they were making such a big deal about this TV show thing today. Gary said he just wanted it to go right so Howard wouldn't freak out. He said he wasn't showing off for TV people or anything. Fred said that he wasn't saying that. Gary said he just wanted it to go right and even Howard had to tell him to calm down.
Gary said he was talking to some people from CBS and they were saying that they are very organized there. He said it was kind of insulting to hear that. He said that's like when people tell him that his teeth aren't as big as they thought they would look. Benjy said he's had people tell him he's not as ugly in person.
Scott said that Howard seemed kind of stressed today too. He said that they were just doing the regular show though.
Gary said that when you're doing a live show and you have to think about not cursing then it can be stressful. Fred said that people underestimate Howard. He said he's a total pro and he will remember stuff that other people have forgotten.
Gary said that they mentioned to him last night that he was going to be on a delay. Gary said that they weren't even on that long of a delay and he let Howard know about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard picks up on a lot of stuff that Gary says. He said that he'll pick up on that with Gary more than other people. Gary said Howard doesn't pick up on everything but he did this morning with that one thing.
Scott said that they have another term in TV called a Gang Bang. Gary said he doesn't believe this now that Howard said he was going to set Scott up with some new terms. Scott said that the gang bang is when you have a bunch of mics around a bunch of people. Gary said he thinks that everyone is in on some kind of elaborate prank on him now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard forgot to bring some stuff about Letterman up during the interview today. Jon said Howard did talk about Letterman but he only had 4 minutes to work with. He said that Howard did talk about Dave but he didn't have a lot of time. Jon said Howard probably would have loved to have talked about that and a lot more.
Fred said that people aren't saying what a shit head Jay was and it's like all has been forgotten. He said that they're all saying that he's back to the old show and doing his thing.
Jon said that he thinks that Jay will get his audience back. Fred agreed and said he thinks that it could end up being even bigger and he feels bad about Letterman. Gary said he thinks that Dave will be back too though. Fred said that Dave is tarnished goods at this point.
The guys also talked about how CBS could have kept Howard on longer than they did. They could have called an audible and kept going. Gange said that they spent like 2 minutes promoting that he was coming up. He said it was almost as much time promoting as they did with the actual interview. The guys said that they just wanted Howard on the show and that's what it was all about.
Fred was also talking about how Steve Langford was in the studio and how distracting that was. Fred said he was right behind Benjy and it was very distracting. Gary said that was his fault. He told him where to stand. Fred said that it was too distracting to do because Howard noticed it and it could have thrown him off.
Jon said that Lisa G took a little flack for getting dressed up today. Gary said she must be waiting to get discovered. Fred said he expected her to show up in a CBS jacket.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks the whole thin showed how crappy Howard TV is. He went off on Scott DePace about filming radio and how hard that could be. Scott said it's very hard and he's been doing it for 16 years. Scott asked what the caller does. The caller refused to say. The guy said that he just has to point the camera at Howard. Scott said that he wants to know what the caller does. The caller ignored all of those questions. Scott said he's probably unemployed.
Scott and the caller went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. The caller seemed to think it was a really easy job and Scott is making out to seem like it's hard. The guy was also saying that he's been bothering Sussy and Sussy was complaining about him.
Benjy asked why the caller hates Scott so much. The caller said that he's an elitist and he thinks he knows more than everyone else. He said he's a whiner and a complainer too. Jon thanked him for the call and let him go.
Scott said that guy doesn't know what really goes on there. Gary said he couldn't believe that Scott took the bait on that call again.
Jon asked the guys how they think Howard did on the Early Show. Gary said he did great. He said that they clearly booked Howard for what he was going to say about Jay even though the producer said that wasn't the reason.
Fred was talking about how lazy some reporters can be and how one sided they can be. He said that some reporters don't cover both sides of a story. Gary said that they also print stuff that gets picked up by other news reports and they say it like it's fact. He said he's seen a lot of stuff about Howard that's just not true.
Jon asked Gary what happened to the producer who was on the air. Gary said that he was good on the air with Howard and it wasn't easy for him. Fred said he thinks that it could have been the Les Moonves discussion even though it was Howard doing all of the talking about that. Fred said that the people at CBS may have gotten uncomfortable. Scott said that they all disappeared as soon as it was over. They didn't even say goodbye.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if Jay Leno is evil, what's so different about what he did to DeBella and Opie and Anthony. Gary said that Howard competed against those people and Jay and Conan were supposed to be part of the same family. Benjy said Howard was very open about the fights too. Jay does stuff behind people's backs.
Gary said that he's been in the room when Howard has been asked if he wants people fired and he's said no. He said that he doesn't want to take a person's livelihood away. That may not be true with other people.
Gary said that Sal has figured out that there are some things he shouldn't fess up to and that clip was one of them. Richard did let them know that Sal watched an hour of that video yesterday. Gary said he thinks that Sal likes that stuff even though he claimed he didn't.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Fred who he thinks is the coolest guitar player of all time. Fred said he was going to say Hendrix and he didn't have to even think about it. Fred said he thinks that Hendrix was the coolest ever.
Scott came in so Jon asked him what was going on with the player. Scott said he thought the CD might be dirty so he cleaned that off first. He said that they rebooted the CD player later and it worked fine. He said the memory must have been screwed up in some way.
Jon asked Scott about the commotion around his studio today and yesterday over this CBS thing. Scott said that they have to do that stuff around there and they were able to pull it off the way they wanted to.
Jon also asked Scott about the woman who was there today that Howard didn't think he knew. They all know who she is but Howard apparently didn't remember her. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that some people have paranormal experiences and they say that some of them are triggered by trauma in people's lives.
Fred said that Howard hit it on the head today. He said that Joan may be coming to the end of her run and she may be feeling comforted thinking there are ghosts. Fred said that there is no such thing and this is the end of the road. When you're dead, you're dead.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the first law of thermodynamics is. Fred didn't know. The caller said that energy can only be converted other energy. Fred said that could mean that your energy just goes into a plant. The caller said there are voices that they can hear and there is an afterlife. Fred said that this is a guy who watches all of those goofy shows on the cable channels where they chase ghosts.
The caller asked Fred if he thinks that Dan Aykroyd is nuts. Fred said he considers him excentric. He said that George Patton was excentric too. The caller told Fred to look into EVP and he'll see that there is something out there. Fred said that he doesn't believe in any of that stuff. Fred went off on a tangent and said there is no such thing as aliens either.
The caller was also quoting the prime directive from Star Trek. He said that it would be in the alien's best interest not to let anyone know that they're there. Fred said he's still trying to fill his daughter in on the fact that there is no afterlife.
Jon got back to Joan and brought up how they were talking about Leno and Conan. Joan said that Leno isn't a nice person and she said that Conan isn't funny and she doesn't have any pity for him. Gary said that she's not the first to say that about Jay. Gary said that she's entitled to her opinion about Conan but other people do find him funny.
Benjy said that Joan thought that The Simpsons were horrible and she used to rail against them on one of her shows. She thought that it was horrible for society.
Jon brought up the story about Joan's date that died during their date. Gary said that has to be a slap in the face about your morality. Fred asked why the date didn't come back for desert if there is such thing as ghosts.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary why he thinks Howard thinks he's not marketable after he retires. Gary said he thinks that Howard is just doing that to get under his skin to goof on him. Gary said he hopes that Howard thinks that he's doing a good job.
Jon asked Fred what he's going to do when the show ends. Fred said he's going to prove that ghosts exist. Gary asked Fred what he thinks he would really do. Fred said he might write some stuff and try to get them produced. He said he hopes he doesn't end up sitting next to Stuttering John. Gary said they had a good joke on Leno last night and they goofed on John in the Wizard of Oz parody they did. Fred said that he has to make money so he will be sending out his resume if he doesn't have a job in a year.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sick of the Leno bashing and it's really not warranted. The guy said that he's never heard the guys on the show take Howard on with any topic he goes off on. He said that he thinks that Jay was just a pawn in the time slot thing. He takes issue with Howard supporting Letterman in this whole thing because he did worse than Jay ever did. The caller asked how they would feel if their daughter was an intern and Letterman took advantage of them.
Gary said that they're talking about Leno and Letterman, not Iran and Iraq so he's not sure why he's taking it so seriously. Gary said that Dave hurt his wife but he didn't hurt the public. The caller said that if Leno had done something similar then they would have made it fact on the show. Gary said that they don't know that Jay is great to his people either.
The caller said that Howard used to love Jay and then the Stuttering John thing happened. He said that's what tipped Howard over the top. He said that they put a spin on things to make it negative. The caller said that Jay gave people in Detroit some free concerts and they made it into a bad thing. Gary said that Jay does things just so people see he's doing a good thing. He said he was doing it for his image and not just to help people. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the big Mr. Skin show they have coming up on Howard TV. Howard said it's really good. Gary said it was really good too. Howard said Mr. Skin is really relaxed on camera and he seems pretty natural like Jon Hein. Robin said he's very comfortable with the subject matter too and he shouldn't be.
Howard said they have a lot of stuff from the Howard Stern Show in that Mr. Skin special. They go all the way back to the E! show for that.
Howard had the Howard TV guys play some of that special. In the clip Mr. Skin was introducing some clips which were nominated for some awards they were giving on that special. The guys were kind of creeped out by the stuff he was saying in that clip.
Howard talked about how happy Mr. Skin is when he's talking about that stuff. That special is going to start airing on April 4th.
Howard said they have other shows up right now like The Bonus Show and things like that. Howard said that Jon Hein and Rachel Fine host the show. He said that he thinks that Rachel is the daughter of Larry Fine. Robin said she had better be the granddaughter of Larry at the least.
Howard said that even the show ''Lost'' doesn't have a plan. Robin said they had a plan for the first season and now the writers are lost. Howard said they had no clue where this thing was going and that's evident by the way the show is going. He said he bailed out 2 seasons ago. Robin said she's still watching it because she's hoping they tie things up. That just isn't happening though.
Howard and Robin talked about how they don't have plans for anything in movies or even in government. Howard said no one knows what they're doing. They have a basic philosophy laid out and that's it. He said he heard that Glenn Beck was a zoo keeper morning radio guy before he started doing what he does. Howard said he wanted to send Robin a link but she doesn't read her mail. Robin said she does get his emails. Howard said it was really bizarre to watch. Brent Hatley had sent him the link and he wanted to send that to Robin too.
Howard said that Brent has these conspiracy theories about everything and he was thinking that Clear Channel had some strange reason for picking Glenn Beck to do his thing instead of them after 9/11 for some weird reason.
Gary came in and told Howard that Robin has AOL and her mailbox was full. He said that it has to be pretty full these days to actually be ''full.'' Howard said that he's never filled a mail box before. Robin said she checks her mail on her blackberry and she can't delete the mail on AOL when she does it that way. Robin said she reads it all on the Blackberry and it doesn't clear it on AOL. Howard thought they cleared out on their own.
Gary said that Robin is on a day or two delay now. He said that she'll get back to Howard in a day or two. Gary said he checks his own mail every day and he'll get back to anyone quickly.
Howard said he's trying not to be shackled to email but people get upset if you don't respond. Robin said that the Blackberry is so convenient that she doesn't get on the computer that much. Robin said she gets a lot of junk mail too so that's a problem. Howard said he gets a lot but he has a way to clear it out. He said he has this quarantine program that cleans it up.
Gary said that he gets emails from people and they don't respond back and then they tell him that they don't check that email often. He said that they shouldn't be sending mail from that account then.
Howard said he had the Glenn Beck audio. He said the video is what you have to see though. Howard played the clip and Beck was doing a lame morning show DJ kind of show. Howard said that it has to be the walk of shame after being a morning zoo DJ. He said that he always thought that Scott Shannon was the inventor of that zoo format but now he's not so sure about that. He said he thinks that someone else may have come up with that idea.
Howard said he wouldn't want to be one of a million morning zoos. He said that's embarrassing. Howard said years ago they had Bozo the Clown on TV and he thought there was just one. IT turns out that Larry Harmon franchised it out and they had Bozo's all over the country.
Robin said that she knew the daughter of the local clown in Washington DC when she was growing up. She said that was kind of embarrassing for them. Robin said they have to find out what Glenn Beck was like to work with back then. Howard said Brent said he's not that bad of a guy. He said Brent thinks that it's all shtick.
Howard said he told Beth he's supposed to get the call and she thinks that he wants him to be on The X Factor with him. Howard told Beth that what Simon really wants is to talk about the quote he gave to the paper the other day. He said that he probably wants to tell him he was being sarcastic and he wants to clear that up.
Howard said that Simon is the only interesting thing on that American Idol. He said that Ellen is the worst on that show. He said tis' such a fiasco now.
Howard said he was telling Beth that Simon really doesn't want him on his ass so he's probably calling him to apologize. He said that he could make Simon's life miserable and he probably doesn't want that. Howard said Simon really doesn't have any credentials in the record business and he's probably trying to keep him from exposing that. Howard said no one on that show has any credentials.
Howard said he thinks that Simon just wants to touch base with him and let him know he was just joking around. He said that Simon is out there saying that Howard Stern would be a good replacement for him.
Howard said this kid got up and performed last night and Simon told the kid he should be a dancer. Ellen told the kid she likes him and she hopes that he's back next week. She told the kid that he needs to ''move around more.'' That was her advice to the kid. She told him to move around more. Robin said she actually told him that he needs to do what he does and he should move around more dancing.
Howard said that he was reading a TV Guide article about Ellen and she seems to think that she's going to be on that show for years. He said she thinks that she's the main force of the show and she's going to take over everything. Howard said he thinks that she's delusional.
Howard read the article where they asked Ellen about Howard Stern joining the show. Ellen said that story is not true and no one knows where it came from. Howard said it came from Page Six. He went on to read about how Ellen was saying that they have people in mind and ''they'' are thinking about them. Howard said that Ellen can't possibly have anything to do with picking the next judge on that show. Howard said that she seems to think she's a partner in the decision.
Howard read more of the article where they asked Ellen about Howard Stern stoking the rumors about becoming a judge. They quoted him in the article and asked Ellen about what he had said about how he wanted everyone out if he becomes a judge. Ellen told them that no one had even asked her about Howard. Howard said that they don't have to talk to her. He said that she's the delusional one in this.
Howard read more of the article where Ellen talks about how they're going to announce a new judge on that show soon. Howard said that he can't believe she thinks she's part of that show. He said that really pisses him off. He said she just got on the show 3 weeks ago.
Howard said he went to see Dr. Sarno the other day and he and pain in his knee and it must be this kind of stuff that's making him nuts. He said that's where the pain comes from. Howard said that it pisses him off that Ellen claims to be a major force on that show and that she's making major decisions. Howard said she can't possibly be doing that. Howard asked ''Who the fuck is she?''
Howard said he's heard that Ellen is a pain in the ass to work with. He said her TV show ratings aren't that great either. He said they need to fire her ass already. Howard said he needs to get rid of his knee pain. He said he can't stand her. He said he can't stand her or Jay Leno.
Howard said that Jay Leno had a big audience the other night when he came back. Howard said he had 6 million viewers and they're carrying on about that. Howard said that it's weird that the number one guy in late night has only 5 million viewers. Howard said he's on satellite radio and they have more than 5 million listeners.
Howard said that they're on free TV and no one watches their show. Howard said everything is driving him crazy. He said he was ranting like this in his psychiatrist's office yesterday. He can't get rid of all of this anger. Robin said he must have to go to a shrink too. Howard said that he was telling his shrink a story the other day and the guy was crying. Howard said he wasn't even crying and he was telling the sad story to the guy.
Howard said he was set off by the CBS Early Show thing when they went to Reba McIntyre yesterday. He said that he knows that it was a planned 4 minute interview but still.
Howard said he doesn't want to know anything else about Jay Leno. Robin said that Jay looked very comfortable doing his show at that time. Howard said he's a douche bag. Robin said she's afraid that it's going to work for him at that time. She said she wanted him to fail.
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Howard said he was reading about how Cablevision is losing ABC and some other channels. He said that they have a big ad in the paper about it and they're saying that ABC won't be on there and he really doesn't care. Howard said that there's no way that Cablevision is going to survive without ABC on there. Robin said they always play hard ball with people. Howard said he would rather own that company than any other because you just have to put channels on the pipe that goes to people's houses. He said they can rake in the money.
Robin said she was reading about this ABC thing and they were saying that Cablevision was collecting money for showing their shows on their service and they weren't paying ABC any money. ABC is pulling off of Cablevision. They want people to write in and complain to Cablevision.
Howard said that he hates things like YouTube because they let people post audio and video from his show and they make money off of it. They then claim that they don't have anything to do with it because they're not posting the stuff themselves.
Howard said that ABC is right. He said that Cablevision is putting their stuff on their system and making money and not paying ABC for it. Howard said that they should pull out.
Howard said that he once looked at a house that was bought by some guy for $5 million and he was told that the guy made paper bags. Howard said he got pissed off when he heard that. He said that making that kind of money off of something like that drives him nuts. He said that people have told him the way to make money easy is making it while you sleep. He said that guy who is making money with his paper bags is making money while he sleeps.
Howard said that Cablevision and ABC have to work that crap out themselves. He said that he doesn't care because he has satellite TV.
Howard said he read that statement from Les and thought that it was really dumb and ridiculous. Howard said that if Les could entice him to go back to terrestrial they could make huge money and radio would get exciting again. He said that their radio division has tanked and they're worth nothing. He said that they're down by 56 percent. He said that they put on Nick Cannon on their old station and the station is like a big garbage dump now. He said they don't have anything on in the morning now.
Howard said that if they enticed them all, other than Benjy maybe, to go back on over there they'd have something. Howard told Benjy he was just joking and he loves his work. He said he's been doing a good job lately.
Howard said Les doesn't know what to do with that mess he has over there. He said he could have a profit center over there if they hired him. Howard said that if Mel was over there on terrestrial he would come to him and ask what he has to do to get him back on the air. Howard said Les would never do that because he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard said that Les is basically saying that Mel has already defeated him.
Howard said he has no desire to go back to terrestrial. He said he's just commenting on the mindset of a radio exec. Howard said he does have offers to go back on terrestrial. Howard said he has gotten calls from people and Les is one of them. He said that Les didn't make any offers though.
Howard said Les has basically already said that he's lost to Mel. He said that he doesn't really care. He doesn't care if satellite signs him or if terrestrial wants to sign him. He said he doesn't even care if Idol wants him. He said they can all kiss his ass and he doesn't care one bit.
Howard said that he will sit down with Mel eventually and try to work something out. He said he thought they were done with Mel when he left the company. Then they moved to satellite and he's back into negotiating with Mel again. He said he thinks it's kind of funny. He said he and Mel must have been married in a past life or something. Howard said that there are billions of people on this planet and he managed to end up with Mel again.
Howard said that this is like Deja Vu for him and Mel. He said that they had both left Viacom/CBS and now they both ended up there at SIRIUS. Howard said other people were running the company when he signed on and now Mel is running the company.
Howard said that some people are such fans that they had to write songs about that ass juice. Howard said the Bleeding Deacons wrote 3 songs about it. He played some of those songs for Robin even though she didn't care to hear them. One of the songs was a collaboration with Little Mikey and the Bleeding Deacons. Howard played that one and Robin let out a chuckle when she heard it start. Howard played a third song where they were singing about Robin's self lubrication. Robin said they were ridiculous. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Robin if she saw Roger Ebert with Oprah. Robin said that was the question. Howard said he loved Ebert when he did his movie reviews. He said that Roger lost his jaw and his throat to thyroid cancer. Howard said Roger loved to talk too.
Howard said that they said that Roger was going to be on Oprah's show and he mentioned yesterday that Roger actually dated Oprah. It turns out they took Roger's voice and they put it into a computer so his voice comes out instead of a computer voice.
Howard asked JD if he had any clips from the show. Gary told him where they were. Howard played some of the audio where Oprah was talking to Roger as he was ''eating.'' He has to eat through a tube according to Howard.
In the clip it was actually Roger's wife talking about how she and Roger were eating together and she doesn't like to eat in front of him. Roger isn't able to eat solid foods. The wife was telling everyone how he had just finished his lunch and how it's fed through him from an IV. Howard said Roger loves to eat so that's really sad. He said that he's really skinny now though.
Howard said that one of the greatest pleasures in life is eating food and he takes that for granted. Howard said that when you see Roger you realize just what that means. Howard played some more of the audio and they were talking about how Roger eats. Howard cut it off and they ended up talking about how big Oprah is right now.
Roger's wife said that she hasn't heard Roger's voice since July 1, 2006. Then Roger typed something in and played it for his wife. The voice that came out sounded very much like Roger since it was actual clips of his voice.
Howard said he found some personal notes from Dick Clark when he was going through some old stuff. Robin asked Howard what's going on over there because he discovers this stuff once in a while. Howard said that he archives stuff which basically means he throws it in a big heap in a storage unite. Howard said that Laura Lackner takes it all and copies it into a book so that's how he runs across it. He said he saw the personal notes from Dick Clark and he liked coming on the show. Howard said he wrote to him when he had a stroke. He said he told Dick that he loved him and he loved that he wasn't going to be on New Year's Rockin' Eve. He said that might be why Dick continues to do that show.
Howard played more of the Roger Ebert interview and Roger was playing his own voice but Robin didn't think they sounded right. Howard said it was his actual voice. JD told Howard that it was actually the computer voice and he was about to test his own voice. Howard said that show was too complicated for them.
Howard played more and Oprah was saying that they had created this new program so Roger's actual voice will come out of the computer. Roger typed some stuff to Oprah and asked if she wanted to hear the new voice. Howard cut it off and said that he'd love it someone hacked into his system and had Roger call Oprah a fat ass. Howard came up with some other stuff that a hacker could have Roger saying to her.
Robin said that they tried to talk Roger into eating healthier. He always loved to eat though. Howard said he would tell Roger how unhealthy he looked and so did Gene Siskel. He said that Gene ended up dying before Roger even got cancer though.
Howard played more of the audio of Roger Ebert playing the computer voice that was his actual voice. They had taken clips of his actual voice from shows that he had done and put them in the computer. Roger's wife was crying when she heard that. Howard said Roger likes communicating and it sucks that he can't talk anymore.
In the clip Roger's wife was asking Roger what he thinks. Roger said, through his computer, it was uncanny and a good feeling.
Howard and Robin said the voice still didn't sound that much like Roger. Howard played more audio where Oprah asked Roger for his Oscar picks. They had Roger giving his picks with that new computer voice. They had Roger picking his favorites for the Oscar's and it kind of sounded like him.
Howard said he wishes that Roger had gone berserk on the show and had asked her about her labia's and stuff like that on the show. Howard said that would have been great. Howard did an impression of what that would have sounded like.
Howard played more of the audio and said that it sounded like it was pre-taped. JD came in and said that it was a pre-taped thing. They cut to a bit that they had created with clips from the movies and stuff.
Howard asked why they can't make a computer voice sound more natural. He said they have to be able to make it better than that. He said it sounds like those people who sing through that Autotune thing. Howard said that Roger is more articulate than JD is though.
Howard played more of Roger's Oscar picks and some of the stuff was kind of understandable. It was very robotic and kind of like the clips that Richard puts together using audio from audio books.
Howard said that he wanted to see ''Crazy Heart.'' Howard asked Gary why he hasn't gotten copies of some of the movies that they were talking about in this Oscar thing. Gary said he had a copy of ''Crazy Heart'' for just one day. Howard said that he wants to know why that was but Gary said that he borrowed it for just one day. He said that he had a good reason for that but he wasn't going to talk about it on the air.
Howard said that he sat next to Darren Aronofsky at the ''Green Zone'' screening recently. He said that's who he was thinking of the other day.
Howard played more of Roger's picks. Roger went through a bunch of categories. Then Sal came in and said that they had some of Roger talking about Oprah. They had used a computer voice to make Roger say some stuff about Oprah. He said they'd work on getting some more. Howard played clips of him calling her a fat smelly hippo and that she eats the cheese in the folds of her fat belly. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said he loves Roger Ebert and thinks he's great. Howard said that he always had a good opinion and he was bright about it. Robin said he was the first to tell them about Barack Obama too.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that she was at the premiere of a movie last night and she had some quotes from some stars. The movie was ''Brooklyn's Finest.'' Lisa said that Richard Gere said he doesn't know Howard and had nothing to say about him. Howard told Lisa she should have asked him about the Dalai Lama. That would have sucked her right in.
Lisa said she spoke to Sherri Sheppard about Beth and some other stuff but when she asked about Howard she had nothing to say. Howard said people freak out when they hear his name. Lisa said that Ethan Hawke likes the show and he wants to come in. Howard told them to get him in there then. Howard said that he wants to talk to him about banging Uma Thurman.
Lisa said that she spoke to Wesley Snipes. She also spoke to Richard Belzer who had his dog with him on the red carpet. She got to speak to Richard for a short time and he had no problem talking about Howard of course. Howard said that's because Belzer got this character he does on every show he's on because of their show. Howard said that Belzer has stuck to that character across a bunch of different shows. He said that's what the kid from Napoleon Dynamite should have done. Howard said the Three Stooges stuck to their characters and there was no shame in it. Well, maybe some shame, but not a lot. Howard said the kid would probably say that Sean Penn played Spicoli in just one film but ''...guess what, you're no Sean Penn!''
Howard said that Belzer could play Detective Munch in anything. He could be in every movie that comes out at any time in history. He said he could have played Munch in Inglourious Basterds.
Howard said he can imagine Munch in ''Precious'' or even in a German piss video. Howard said that they could bring in Munch on Lost and that would be the reason for the island being so weird.
Lisa said that Shuli's wife is having her baby via c-section today. Howard said he feels bad for that poor woman. He said she's having Shuli's baby. Howard said Shuli is like a child himself. He asked how he could have a child. Howard said that he can't imagine him with a baby. Lisa said that she was ready to pop. Howard hopes that she's mature since Shuli isn't. Lisa said that Jackie will be filling in for Shuli on Jay Thomas' show on Friday morning.
Lisa said that they have a story about Rosie O'Donnell giving away the Sybian that Howard gave her. They spoke to the woman who got it. Rosie didn't feel comfortable with it in her house with the kids around. Howard said he's kind of hurt by that but he guesses that's okay. Howard asked Lisa if she would use one if he got her one. Lisa said she wouldn't. She said it sounds like a lawn mower. Robin said she wouldn't use one either. She said that she has no interest in using that thing.
Howard asked if he sent one to Robin's house and she was there by herself... Robin cut him off and said that she's happy with what she has.
Robin asked Lisa if she's upset that she's not going to Lisa Lampanelli's wedding. Lisa said she's fine with that. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he read that Axl Rose was running around doing some concerts at various places and one of them was at a clothing store. He said he still shows up late and in the clothes he was wearing in the 80s. Howard said that the guy from Alice In Chains that's on Celebrity Rehab still dresses like he did 20 years ago. Robin said that's the way people dress on That Metal Show with Jim Florentine. Howard said that it's like they're frozen in time. He said it's okay to change.
Howard said that he likes that Robin is still watching Jim. Robin said she watches the show once in a while. Howard said he dos the same thing with girls he dated. He'll tune in to see what they're up to.
Howard said Mr. Skin was there and he had his Anatomy Awards to announce today. Howard said that Mr. Skin has a great business going on with MrSkin.com. He said that he lives in a nice building in Chicago. Mr. Skin said he sees Oprah working out at his gym. He said that he's seen her on the stair master. He sued to see Obama there too before he was president.
Howard asked Mr. Skin if he has seen Obama's cock. He said he hasn't. He did see his butt though. Mr. Skin said that he saw him in the shower and if he had known he was going to be president then he would have checked out the front. Howard said he saw Nixon's penis in the 70s. He was just joking around but he said he stayed in his socks the whole time.
Howard said that Mr. Skin is a rich man and he's in the same health club as Oprah. Mr. Skin said Oprah was wearing spandex on the stair master. He said that he saw security guys there and they swooped her out of there like she was the President. Howard said she is very important, she's Oprah.
Howard and Robin talked about Madonna going to a public gym to work out but they had her locked up in a room all by herself.
Howard asked Mr. Skin about how many people he has working for him. He said it's between 25-30. He said that he doesn't work out of his house either. He said he had to correct Fred on that. Howard said you can check out Mr. Skin's Anatomy Awards at MrSkin.com.
Howard asked if they've lost any business in this economy. Mr. Skin said that they were down last year but every year before that they were up over the past year. He said that this year is looking good so far though. Mr. Skin said that he has a whole board of directors now and it's a really big thing. He said that they have to do things by the book. Mr. Skin said that he's got a partner in the business but he's had people offer to buy him out. He said he doesn't want to do that right now. He said that the offers weren't ''F-You'' kind of money so he can't just give it up.
Mr. Skin said that he still watches the nude scenes from movies. He's not the front line anymore though. He said that he has 8 guys who just watch movies looking for nudity. He said they do that in TV shows too. Mr. Skin said that they look at new stuff and the old stuff. He said now they have Blu-Ray so they're going through all of that and finding new scenes with nudity they didn't see on DVD.
Mr. Skin said they just get every movie and go through everything. He said they had a movie called Contempt with Bridget Bardot naked. They got it on Blu-Ray and they saw an ass hair that was never before seen. He said that was big for them. They put that scene up on MrSkin.com when they find something like that.
Mr. Skin said that Blu-Ray is screwing everything up because they have to have new categories now. He said that the ass hair is just one example. Mr. Skin said that's very important stuff to them. He said they'll send out an email about that when they have something like that happen.
Howard asked Mr. Skin what everyone there is going to do if the company went out of business. Mr. Skin said that they all have other talents. One of the guys who goes through the movies practices law. He loves what he does though so he keeps working there. Mr. Skin said that guy handles their TV watching and stuff. He said he doesn't take all of the credit. There's no way he could do it all now. He said that he has to have all of these guys working for him. He has a team of writers writing the reviews of the movies for him. In the beginning he was doing it by himself with one tech guy.
Howard asked how Mr. Skin goes through everything. Mr. Skin said that he keeps on top of everything that the guys find for him.
Howard asked about how Mr. Skin got started doing this. Mr. Skin said he put it all into a database and started the site. He said that he was holed up in his apartment starting the database by himself. He said that he's very lucky that it worked out when he quit his job at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. He said his parents didn't even know what a web site was back then. He said his mother is working for him doing data entry for the company. He said that he got an email from her asking ''is that shadow or bush'' about one scene.
Howard asked Mr. Skin what kind of money is ''f-you'' money to him. He wants to know what it would cost to buy MrSkin.com. Mr. Skin said that maybe $20 million. Howard said that any company would pay that to get a hold of the company. He said that's not too big of a price to pay for that work. Howard said maybe someone like Sumner Redstone would buy it. Or maybe Rupert Murdoch, Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. Mr. Skin said he loves what he does and he's not even in it for the money.
Howard asked if anyone has ever asked for them not to put something up. Mr. Skin said he hasn't but his mother did ask them not to put up the Schindler's List nude scenes. He said he listened to her and they don't have any of that stuff up on the site.
Howard said that it's time for the 11th Annual Anatomy Awards. First up was Nudecomer of the year. Mr. Skin said that it was someone who becomes a star from the nude scene. He said that here's an HBO show that was on and this woman Jessica Blank had a great rack. They had a picture of her on the monitors. Howard said he thinks that her breasts might be real. Mr. Skin said that she's very young and they probably are. Mr. Skin said she's very honored to have won the award.
Howard said Best Butt was Eva Mendes. Mr. Skin had pictures of everyone they brought up. Howard said they had an ass shot of her and she had a pretty big ass.
Best Breasts went to Alice Eve from ''Crossing Over.'' Mr. Skin said that her breasts were between a C and a D and she's in that movie ''She's Out Of My League'' which is coming out soon. Howard said he was looking at the web site and he has to say that they're a little too floppy in his opinion. Mr. Skin said that he likes the bigger breasts so that's why he went with this girl. Howard said it is his opinion and breasts are always the controversial awards. Mr. Skin said they voted on this and she did win in the votes.
Howard asked who won Breast Picture. This is a movie that came out this year, main stream, and had nudity in it. Mr. Skin said that they picked ''Spread'' this year. He said that they had main stream actresses getting topless. He said it did terrible at the box office. He said it was a pretty cool movie and it had tons of nudity. They talked about how Ashton Kutcher was fingering Anne Heche in the one picture they had.
Next up was Best Breast Feeding Scene with Heather Graham in The Hangover. Howard whipped through some more like Best shaving Scene, Best Water Skiing Scene and others. There was one category which was Best Lip Slip. That was from ''Crank 2'' with Amy Smart showing some lippage. She was jumping on a guy's back and the guys were able to go frame by frame to catch that. Howard said that was good work there. Howard asked if they get a bonus for something like that. Mr. skin said that they do give bonuses at the Christmas party when they find something like that. Howard said they also isolated some cottage cheese on her leg in that one.
Mr. Skin said that they got a shot of Molly Shannon lifting her leg and showing some bush on an NBC TV show. Howard said it looked like ball sack.
Howard said Mr. Skin is doing a great job with this stuff. Howard said you can get all of the details of the Anatomy Awards at MrSkin.com. He said that it's the big night of the year for them over there.
Howard said that Mr. Skin is also going to be on Howard TV with a special about the Howard Stern Show. Mr. Skin said they went back to 1995 or so and found a lot of great nudity. That show is going to air in April. Mr. Skin said he was very nervous about doing the show because he's not used to being on camera.
Howard said that they had to get to Harry Shearer next. He took some phone calls and one guy said that Eva Mendes had a great bush shot in ''Training Day.'' Mr. Skin confirmed that. He said that Eva passed on wearing underwear in the scene when the director gave her the option. The caller said you can see every hair on the Blu-Ray of that movie.
Another caller asked if Charlize Theron looks good naked. Mr. Skin said that she can so it depends on the movie. Mr. Skin said that ''Two Days in the Valley'' was a good one to see her in. He said that she was in a couple of others that she still looked good in.
Gary came in and said that Mr. Skin is very thorough. They have the best celebrity daughter for a male and female celebrity. They talked about Susan Sarandon's daughter getting naked in ''Californication'' and how hot that was.
The caller asked Howard who he would bang that's 50 years old or older. Howard said maybe Michelle Pfeiffer. He said that he would bang her. Howard said that Marie Osmond looks good too. He said he's been looking at her on the Nutrisystem ads.
Howard asked Mr. Skin who is good for nudity as far as a director. Mr. Skin rattled off a bunch of names. He said that Robert Altman was one that was always good. Mr. Skin said he did ''Short Cuts'' and that was a great one with Julianne Moore. Howard thanked Mr. Skin for coming in and gave him some more plugs for MrSkin.com and then went to break.
Howard said he was very happy to have Harry Shearer in there today. He said that Harry has always done a lot of stuff and he is known as a malcontent. Harry said he's known as the turd in the punch bowl in the business. Howard said Harry does six voices on The Simpsons. Harry said it's actually 16. He said it's at least that many. Howard said that Harry does an amazing amount of voices and they're very unique. Howard said that he doesn't watch The Simpsons. Harry said he doesn't watch it either.
Howard said he read that Harry gets like $400,000 an episode. Harry said he has enough money to buy out Mr. Skin. Howard said that Harry has been bad mouthing the writing on the Simpsons lately and he's not satisfied.
Harry said that the actual fact of what went on there is that they had a really rancorous negotiation at the time. He said that he came in to do the voices for The Simpsons and Matt Groening kept bugging him to do it. He said that FOX wasn't much of anything back then so he didn't know what it was going to be like. He wasn't getting all that much to do it back then when they started in 1989. He had a 7 year contract in the beginning.
Howard said that Harry must have said that he wanted to participate in all of the money they were making with the show. Harry said that Paul Reiser was getting like a million per episode in the last year of his show.
Harry told Howard some of the voices that he does on the show. He does a ton of voices on the show and rattled off a bunch of them and did the voices as he was telling Howard who they are.
Harry said he was in the elevator at the hotel he's staying in and they had cartoons playing in there. He said that Tom and Jerry don't talk and the cartoons are great. He said that they don't need voices in cartons.
Howard said that Harry wanted to get some money for doing what he did and none of the other people doing voices wanted to get behind him. Harry said that's why he's known as the turd in the punch bowl.
Harry said he can't discuss a lot of this stuff. He said he can't talk about what he makes per episode. Howard said that he's saying that he's making $400,000. Harry said that they signed a deal and then they found out that they had added something else in the contract that they didn't know about. Harry said he got upset and he was going to take the Steven Seagal approach and make them pay him in gold bars.
Harry said that he did an interview with a fan site and he was sick and angry at the time. He said that he told the guy that it makes him sad about the fourth season of the show. That article ended up in the New York Post. He said that he ended up having to write an apology letter to everyone on the show after that. He said that they don't all hang out at all. He said that they do get together and record together but they don't hang out after the sessions or anything.
Howard said that Harry can be the turd in the punch bowl because he has so much talent. Howard said Harry was on Saturday Night Live and he hated it. He said they treated him horribly. Harry then went into the movie ''Spinal Tap'' and found out that he's the funniest guy. Howard said he went back and did SNL as a guest and had a great time. Harry said they had changed a few things in the meantime. He agreed to be a cast member again and he hated it again. They treated him really well as a guest but not as a regular.
Howard asked why it was so bad. Harry said that it was four words. ''Lorne Michaels Dick Ebersol.'' Harry said that they don't have any competition on any other channels. He said that NBC was lucky that they kept that slot open for SNL to stay there.
Harry said he was on SNL when they still had a lot of the original cast on the show. He said that they didn't have Belushi or Chevy Chase. Dan Aykroyd was gone by then too. Harry said that he was told by someone that Lorne had hired him to be a writer, not a cast member. Harry said he was told he was a cast member and a writer. Harry said that Lorne also told him that he doesn't usually hire a Jew to do that job on the show.
Harry jokingly said that he saw the Blu-Ray of Schindler's List and there were way too many ass hairs showing in there. That led to them talking about Mr. Skin's web site for a minute.
Howard said that Harry was a child actor. He said that Harry's parents were Jews and they came over from the old country. Harry said his father ran a gas station but he died when he was just 12. Harry said he didn't get a lot of time to talk to his father deeply about what his life was like.
Harry said his mother remarried and he hated his step-father. Howard said that Harry hated him because he doesn't like many people at all. Howard said Harry will call out people on any bull shit that he sees.
Howard asked Harry how he got into show business. Harry said his piano teacher saw that he had some kind of talent. He was in an Abbot and Costello movie when he was 7. that was ''Abbot and Costello go to Mars.'' He just played ''Boy'' in that movie. He said he worked with Costello in the scene and it was the first scene in the movie. Harry told Howard about the line he had and said he never watches any of that stuff. He said he never looks back at his life. He said he doesn't think back to that kind of stuff like some people do.
Harry said his piano teacher went into being an agent and she got him into some movies. Harry worked with Jack Benny and he was in the movie ''The Robe.'' Howard said Harry was on the Jack Benny program. Harry worked with him for 8 years. Harry said that's how he got into being a comedian. He got to hang out with Mel Blanc on that show. Howard said he would be proud of him for doing The Simpsons. Harry said Mel did the voices for all of the Loony Tunes characters.
Howard asked Harry if he was ever molested by his piano teacher. He said he wasn't but his Spanish teacher kind of came on to him but never touched him. He told that story and it wasn't really a molestation story but more of a story about a spurned teacher.
Howard asked Harry about a bit he was going to do on the air where he did this ''Niggerrand'' thing about the Krugerrand that was being sold at the time. He said that he couldn't do that on TV now.
Howard asked Harry if he and the guys from Spinal Tap still get together. Harry said they still do. Howard asked about what went on with SNL. Harry told Howard that he wanted to come back when Lorne was out. He said that this woman who took over said she didn't want anyone who knew what they were doing. He left the show after that and did Spinal Tap. Then he went back to SNL. He said that Dick Ebersol is the one who tried to ''help'' Conan with his show.
Howard asked Harry about going back to SNL and who was on at the time. Harry talked about the cast and said that there were some bad ones on there. He said that Billy Crystal was an interesting one. He said he didn't get along with Billy. He said he had his footprints on his back. Harry said that Billy is a fairly ruthless guy. He said you never trust someone who does that sweet pose in their head shot.
Howard said that's what he thinks about Ellen. He said that he hears that she's pretty ruthless herself. Harry told Howard that the cast on SNL was too big at the time and Billy would do just about anything. He said that they had a really tasteless bit that they were going to do and no one wanted to do it other than Billy.
Harry said that Dick Ebersol would always tell them that they were doing stuff that was too expensive. Then Dick wanted him to do the political stuff on the show and he would have him dressed in Ronald Reagan make up for the whole show. Harry said that there's something about that building that makes people stop being funny. Howard said he felt the same way when he worked there. He said that they took all the happiness out of him and it made him humorless.
Howard said they treated him like shit over there so he understands what Harry is saying. Harry said he was mortified and humiliated walking out of that building back then. Howard asked if the building is too corporate or something. Harry said he's not sure. He said he read a book about ''Your Show of Shows'' one time and it was just different. They would write stuff on a Monday and work on it the rest of the week. He said it was done differently at SNL. He said they never wanted to do it in a professional way there.
Howard said they must have had ratings pressure on that show. Harry said they didn't because they don't have any competition. They were up against movies and stuff.
Howard said Harry left the show after half a year. Harry said that Dick Ebersol told him it wasn't working out and Harry asked to be paid what they owed him and he'd leave. He said they did that and he left. Harry said they did this opening for the show and they left him in that the rest of the year. He said they couldn't afford to take him out.
Howard said that Jay Leno is hanging on to his show after being fired twice. He said that he still sucks their corporate dick like it's the greatest thing in his life. Howard said that Harry is very confident in his abilities. Harry said that he's just patient. He said a lot of people are desperate to make something happen.
Howard read that Harry was a freelance writer for Newsweek. He also taught English in a school for a while. That was in Compton. Howard said that it must have been horrible. Harry said that he saw Robin on Celebrity Jeopardy when she had that last appearance on there and lost. Robin said he was in the green room laughing his ass off at her.
Howard said he has to ask Harry about when he was a child actor. He said that he got the pilot for Leave it to Beaver and he was the original Eddie Haskel. Howard asked what happened with that. Harry said his parents put a stop to that. He said that they wanted him to go to public school and they'd have to take him out if he was on that show. Howard said that's amazing that his parents turned that down and all of the money too. Howard said most people would be seduced to do something like that.
Howard asked where the original pilot is. Harry said it's on DVD with the original series. Harry said he only saw it once when David Letterman showed it on his show. Howard asked how old he was at the time. Harry said it must have been when he was about 10. He said his teeth were bad back then too. Howard said that it could have ended up being horrible for him if he had taken the part.
Howard asked if he ever met the guy who played Eddie Haskel. Harry said he's never met any of them. Howard said that he'd be totally fixated on that show.
Richard Christy came in and said that he almost cried when Harry did The Simpson's voices. He's a huge fan of the series. Howard asked if they get a cut of the merchandise. Harry said they do. Howard said he heard that his voice is missing from the ride at a park where they feature the characters. Harry didn't want to be part of that. Robin said that Harry is doing the other characters a favor by holding out for more money and stuff. Harry said he is doing gods work.
Harry said that he has a story about how they offered the cartoon voices to these A-listers who do voices in the business and they turned them down. Harry said that he has to hand it to them.
Richard said that Futurama is supposed to have other voices on the show and Billy West won't be back because they wanted so much money.
Howard asked Richard how he ended up in there. Richard said he had a question about Spinal Tap. He asked if they had based that band on another band. Harry said he went on tour with a band and he did kind of get some ides from Saxon. He also got his hair from Lemmy and they were all just doing a bunch of goofs on some various band members. They improved most of that movie too. He said it was everything but like two lines.
Richard said they do a commentary on the movie in their characters and it's a really funny thing. That led to Harry talking about how he's the only person on The Simpsons who hasn't gotten an Emmy. Howard said he had an award for Harry if he wanted it. It was the Craig's Hall of Fame award he had. Harry said he did steal an Emmy so he does have one. He said that he took it and just didn't give it back.
Howard said that Harry has a new album out called Greed And Fear. The songs are all about politics. Harry said that they're not parodies either. He told Howard about some of the guys who played with him. Harry said he knows how to play bass. He said he learned to play double bass too. He had been playing for about 8 or 9 years before Spinal Tap.
Howard asked Harry if he would ever run for office. Harry said ''Are you kidding? Turn into Al Franken?'' Howard asked if he thinks that Al is funny. He said that he thinks that Al is the funniest man in Franken and Davis.
Howard asked Harry about hanging out with Mel Gibson. Harry said that he has worked with him and he was very nice to him. Howard asked if he called him a filthy Jew. Harry said that he called him a ''Lovely Jew.''
Howard gave Harry some plugs for his album ''Greed And Fear'' and spent a little more time catching up. Harry said that he hadn't seen Howard for a long time since that one Grammy week show they did many years ago. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said he thinks that Fergie would be good in bed. He said that she used to be a meth freak and he thinks that she'd be really fun in bed. Howard said he doesn't know all of the other guys in the band but he knows that Will I. Am.
Howard said that Jessica Simpson was talking about John Mayer since he had said that she was like crack to him. Howard said that she's got that look like she would fuck like rabbits and he was right about that. He said that she was really trying to please that John Mayer and she's all pent up from being raised by the religious family. Howard said that girls like that will either end up a prude or a whore. Howard said that she apparently gets very freaky and very desperate.
Gary said he actually called trying to get Jessica on the show. He didn't get a call back. Howard said he thinks that she could handle herself just fine on the show. He said she should come in and ride the Sybian right now.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Miss Howard Stern. She's apparently physically doing fine but she's also crazy as hell according to a source. She's apparently very mean and nasty toward her parents who helped her after her accident.
Steve said that Beetlejuice's app made it into the top 100 on iTunes yesterday. Medicated Pete sold a few hundred apps too.
Steve said they have found out that James Spithill who was in the America's Cup is a Stern fan. Howard said that the black guy who is in the Old Spice commercials is also a fan. He read that they did that commercial in one take. He said that it's the black guy riding the horse backwards commercial.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said Jon is also the host of The Bonus Show on Howard TV. He said he had some new stuff he wants to throw to the new show. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. Howard and Jon talked about Mr. Skin wanting to get 20 million for his web site. Jon said that he could probably get 10 million no problem. That led to them talking to Jon about his web site JumpTheShark.com which was absorbed by TV Guide. Jon said that they've kind of lost their identity now because it brings you right into the TV Guide site.
Howard said that TV Guide used to be a listing of the TV show listings and they were doing great for years. Then they died when the internet had everything available. Howard asked if he can go on Google and type in ''what's on TV tonight'' and get a list. Jon said that there are ton of sites that have that kind of information so it would probably work.
Robin told Howard that he could use his TiVo. Howard said he hates using that guide. It's too hard for him to figure out to see what's on that night.
Robin asked Jon if they ask him to do anything with his web site anymore. Jon said that they do once in a while and he's willing to do it but he really doesn't have much control over it now.
Jon ran down the rest of the show preview and they ended up talking about the Roger Ebert stuff they were playing this morning. Howard said he had some more of the clips that Sal and Richard made up using a computer voice.
Howard and Robin talked about the Sybian since Jon brought up the discussion that they had about that earlier. Robin said that Howard would probably use the Sybian if he had one. Howard said he probably would. He said he fucked the Real Doll so why not. He also used this weird contraption that they had in the studio one time. It was a fucking machine that had some kind of suction going when it was on. Fred had audio of that thing running and Howard said that he still gets hard when he hears that noise. Howard talked about how that went down there and how Tom was making sure that he didn't cum on the air.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. Steve said they have a tragedy to discuss. One of their two female interns quit. They have the lone female intern coming in to discuss that. They'll also be talking about Medicated Pete. That led to Howard talking about how Gary is getting frustrated with Pete working there because he can't seem to answer the phones the right way. Gary has trouble figuring out the messages he takes too. Gary said that Pete is good on the air but there's not much he can do back there.
Howard said they hire people who have no skills to even be an intern. Gary said that May is going to come and he's just going to be gone. He said that he's not sure what will happen to Pete after that. Howard said maybe they could hang him on a coat rack and save him until they need him.
Howard said he saw Ross in Gary's office. Gary said they're having a meeting about the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant to figure out how they can maximize the publicity.
Howard spent a little time talking to Ross and Gary. Ross was telling some stories about going on vacation and going without his wife down to Miami. Howard said Ross is his man. He said he was out with Ross and Benicio Del Toro a couple of weeks ago. Howard said that he's jealous of Ross going on vacation all the time. He said Ross is fun so people want to go places with him. Howard said he's not fun so no one wants to take him out.
Howard had Steve finish up his Intern Show preview. The show airs Wednesday nights at 7 on Howard 101.
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Robin started her news with a story about a couple of Russian directors who died in a sauna because the water was heated to the boiling point. They were not able to get out before they died. Robin said that they died from over heating. One of the victims had set the temperature on the sauna.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Letterman should have had him on this week. Howard said he may not want to have him on because of the whole fuck room thing. He said that he can't go on and ignore that story though. The caller said Dave had Mitt Romney on the show last night. That's not going to beat Jay. Howard said that Jay had Sarah Palin on so at least she's something to look at.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if she could play a game today. Howard said he didn't have time to do one today. He apologized to her for that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a worker who fell into a cesspool behind a Dunkin Donuts. The 17 year old fell in and drowned in the cesspool. That led to Howard talking about how Robin read stories about being boiled or drowning in sewage. He said he thinks he's rather die in the sewage. Robin said that she'd rather die from the whale at Sea World.
Robin had a story about a woman who spun out of control and hit a police officer on Sunday night. She had the audio of the 9-1-1 call that the woman made. The cop was hit in bad weather when this woman spun her car around while he was helping someone else who had done the same thing.
Howard said there was a cop who was in an accident on his way to a robbery. He said a car crossed the median and the car went into a pole. He said the cop laid there and some kid pushed him over and stole his gun and wallet. They think that if the kid hadn't moved him he wouldn't be a quadriplegic. Howard said he thinks they caught the kid. He read some details about that story and said that kid is a real shithead.
Robin said that the FAA has taken control of the Air Traffic Control at JFK airport because someone was letting a kid give commands to the pilots. Robin said that the FAA said that this is not acceptable. Howard said it was take your kid to work day though. Robin had audio of the kid giving the commands. Howard said he hates when people bring their kids to work and let them do stuff like that.
Robin had some audio of Jessica Simpson talking to Oprah about John Mayer. She was saying that she doesn't want people knowing about what she does in bed but her phone has been ringing off the hook. Howard said Jessica has gotten kind of fat. He said that she claims she doesn't care about that and she likes her curves.
Robin said that the post office is looking to stop Saturday deliveries. Howard said he likes when it comes on Saturday because he likes to catch up on the weekends. Howard said that's one thing that we get right in this country. He said that we have this great postal delivery and they do it 6 days a week. Howard said that the government wastes money on more and more things but this mail system is very important.
Robin read a story about Naomi Campbell punching her driver. Howard said that if he was that beautiful he would never hit or throw anything at anyone. He said that he has anger about his looks but that's understandable. Howard said Naomi has the world at the tips of her fingers and she has no reason to be so angry. Robin said that they were talking about this incident that happened a year ago when she got into the fight with the driver. Robin said that Naomi started beating the guy while he was driving the car and they were fighting over a year old thing. The driver claims that she hit him so hard that his head hit the steering wheel. The cops are looking for Naomi because she ran off after the fight.
Robin read about Tiger Woods being back home in Orlando. He spent about a week in this other rehab he went to. Howard said David Letterman didn't need any rehab. He said that Dave was on TV the next night after everything came out. He said that just because you fuck a lot of women doesn't mean you can't put a ball in a hole. Robin read some details about what Tiger has been doing since getting home.
Robin said a woman who had breast implants is upset because it looks like she has four breasts now. Robin said that she has a double bump. Robin said the woman says it has caused her pain and embarrassment and it ended her marriage. She's suing her doctor now.
Robin read a story about a woman who survived the earthquake in Chili. Robin had some quotes from her about what went on down there.
Howard said that his fear is that he'll work through all of his problems and he'll end up going to a place like Chili and he'll go through an earthquake and all of that therapy will go right out the window. They spent a minute talking about that story and why so few people died there while so many died in Haiti.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was upset by Scott DePace saying that Howard can't take direction. Howard said he notices that guys on that show get a lot of balls all of a sudden. Howard said that Gange gets big balls in there. Scott came in and said that they've asked Howard to do things a certain way and Howard stops after a short time. Gary said that this guy is just trying to get Howard worked up.
Howard was going off on Mike Gange too so Gange came in to defend himself. Howard said he heard him talking about his scarf and how he was trying to cover up his neck. He said that's not why he wears the scarf. Gange said that was just his theory and Jon had asked about his opinion so he answered.
Gange said that Howard used to come to work in sweat pants every day. Howard said he never came to work in sweat pants. Gange told him not to lie. Howard said the whole floor shook when Gange came in there. He told him to get out of there.
The caller asked if Howard had the conversation with Ralph about what he did at his house on New Year's Eve. Howard said they never did and Ralph can bring it up if he wants to talk about that.
Howard said he heard that Gange called him feminine on the show yesterday. He said he'll have a competition with Gange and they'll see who is more feminine. Gange said he just said Howard's scarf looked feminine. He didn't call Howard feminine.
Howard said that Gange was begging people for a 40th birthday party. He said that's pathetic. He told Gange to go back to work and keep doing a good job.
Robin read about China Phillips going into therapy for anxiety. Howard said she's always looked like a nervous chick. He said even when she was in that band she looked nervous. Robin also said that she had filed for divorce but she has withdrawn the papers. Howard said that's too bad. She married a good looking guy and that's never a good idea.
Ralph called in and said that he never said that Howard wore sweat pants. He said as long as he's been working with Howard he's never worn sweats to work. He didn't know what those guys were talking about earlier. Ralph agreed that they get very brave on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said you'd think that the guys who work with him wouldn't get so brave. Robin said that the fans on SternFanNetwork get very brave too. Howard told Robin that Ralph is banned from his house for what he did on New Year's Eve. Robin didn't believe that he was really banned so Howard told her to just wait and see.
Robin read a story about the movie ''The Messenger'' and Howard said the movie was really good. He said that Woody Harrelson was good in his role and the movie was good overall. They spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read some news about Brittany Murphy's death. Robin said that they did an autopsy and found it was a mixture of drugs that did her in. They're looking at her will and she left her entire estate to her mother and nothing to her husband. Howard said she must have really loved him. She even wrote in the will that he was being intentionally left out of it. Howard said that's rough. That's like High Pitch Eric being left out of his mother's will.
Robin read about how the Jackson Family had a visit from child services. Howard said that there are many kids who are in fucked up situations. He said he can't believe they're worried about Michael Jackson's kids. Robin said that one of Germaine Jackson's kids ordered a stun gun online and the kid may have wanted to use it on Michael's kids. Robin read the details of that story and told Howard that the kid never got the stun gun. Howard said that he was never able to buy cool stuff like that as a kid. They spent a few minutes goofing around with that story. Fred had some stun gun sounds that he threw in while Howard talked about what the scene could have been like if the kids had been stun gunned.
Robin read some news about Governor Patterson who is being asked to resign from office early. So far he's saying he won't resign. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read some news about Marion Barry and said she can't believe he's still in politics. Robin said he's in trouble for giving a job to someone he wasn't supposed to. Robin had some audio of Barry talking about how he's been clean for 16 years. Howard said that he could barely understand a word he was saying. He said Patterson needs to talk like that. He said Patterson speaks too clearly.
Robin had some Roger Ebert news and clips to play too. They played that and then Howard threw in some of the clips that Sal and Richard created to sound like Roger Ebert.
Robin read some news about Jerry Brown running for governor of California and saying that he can fix the problems in the state. Robin had some audio of him talking about what he would like to do.
Robin read some news about the new law that legalizes gay marriage in Washington DC. She said that they expect a lot of marriage license applications to be filed today.
Robin read about how OJ Simpson's suit that was worn on the last day of his trial will not be acquired by the Smithsonian Institution. Howard asked who would offer that to them and why would the Smithsonian take it? Robin said that the suit is in the possession of OJ's agent. She had some audio of the agent talking about how he got it. He said OJ just told him to take it so he did.
Robin said that Kathy Griffin is going to be on a Law And Order SVU episode. Robin had some audio of Kathy talking about that. She was talking about herself in the third person in the clip. Howard said that she should be Mrs. Munch.
Robin said that the Marriage Ref is on tomorrow night and she had audio of Jerry talking about that. Jerry was saying he hadn't made an episode of a TV show for 12 years. Howard said that he still makes money from that show and he doesn't need to make more. Jerry said that this new show is very different than the old show. Robin had another clip where Jerry talked about where the idea for the show came from. Robin said that was it for the news so Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon played a clip of Harry doing some of the voices from The Simpsons. Harry did a bunch of them for Howard. After the clip Jon said that you can see the range he has just from those few he did. Gary said that he's new to Family Guy and when he sees Seth doing the voices it's always interesting to see.
Gary said that he was pushing for Harry to be a guest on the show so he was hoping that he would do well. He said that the guys liked what they heard today so he figured it worked out just fine.
Jon said that it was interesting to hear Harry talking about how the past few seasons of The Simpsons hasn't been so great. He said that he was also calling out Lorne Michaels and Dick Ebersol about the Saturday Night Live thing.
Jon and Gary talked about Harry's work in Spinal Tap and how that has worked out. They went over the stories he told about SNL. They talked about the woman who ran SNL into the ground when Lorne Michaels left for a while.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about the great movies that Harry has been part of with Christopher Guest. The caller was also talking about some of the other stuff that Harry had said during the interview and argued with the guys about some of the stuff they thought he was talking about.
Jon said that the Simpsons ride subject came up and Harry didn't want to be part of that so he didn't let them use his voice. Benjy asked what that twas about because he missed it. He asked who he said no to? Gary said that it was probably Universal and they may not have offered him enough money to do it. Benjy figured that it was the show itself. Gary said it could have been but he doesn't know.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Gary thinks he knows what Howard is thinking but then the next day Howard will disagree with him every time. He asked why they act like that. Gary said that he doesn't act like that. He just tells Jon what he thinks Howard thinks. He said they're wrapping up and dissecting the show. He's just giving his opinion. the caller apologized for a call that wasn't very good but Gary said it was fine.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how old Harry is and if they can name all of the characters he can do. Benjy said he's 66. The guys weren't sure about the voices. Benjy said that Harry was the one who said it was 16. Gary rattled off a bunch of names of the characters he does. He had a very long list. There were at least a dozen that he rattled off.
The caller was also asking about how he could have worked with Abbot and Costello if he's only 66. The guys figured it was one of their later movies and it could have been in the late 40s or early 50s that it was made.
Jon asked Gary about working at NBC since all of that drama Harry was talking about was going on. Gary said that he was working there in March of 1984 and he was working for Imus in the beginning. He said that he didn't start with Howard until later that year. Gary said he had some interaction with Imus when he was there. He said he was told not to make eye contact with Imus when he started there. Gary said that he smoked at the time and he would have his cigarettes on his desk and Imus would talk about how he was quitting smoking while he had a cigarette in his mouth. Gary said the audience didn't know that he was smoking. Gary said that Imus would go out for a smoke during the show and one day he asked Imus if he had quit smoking or quit buying. Imus seemed to like him after that and he was very nice to him.
Gary said that he heard about how cool Howard was from this guy Lonnie who was working for him in the beginning. He said that another guy had applied for the job working with Howard and Howard was creeped out by that guy so he got the job by default.
A caller brought up the secret event that went down with Ralph and Howard and he was wondering what actually happened. The caller said that Howard seems to drop it pretty quick. He asked why they keep it off limits. Gary said he thinks that Ralph didn't behave well so Howard is avoiding talking about it so they don't joke about it. He said he thinks that Howard is so upset that he doesn't want to diminish what it was. The caller asked why they don't ask Ralph about it. Gary said they have asked him about it but Ralph isn't talking either.
Benjy said Howard did say that Ralph has been banned from his house. Gary said that's the second banning that they know of.
A caller said he was disturbed by the Roger Ebert thing today. Gary said that he thinks that Howard probably thinks that Roger has a good sense of humor about the show so that's why he was having fun with it. The caller said he was kind of making fun of Roger though and it wasn't so cool. He said he felt it was a little rough. Gary said that he didn't get the same feeling.
Jon asked if they thought that the voice sounded like Roger Ebert at all. Gary said that he did at the start but the more they played the less it sounded like him. Benjy said that they're just starting out with that technology so it should get better.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they have silenced Ronnie on the air or what. Gary said that Ronnie might still be licking his wounds. He said that his pride might have been wounded a bit. He said he should be back though.
Gary said he had a run in with Ronnie that was kind of funny today. He said he had to ask Ronnie where he gets the containers he had for the cupcake he brings to his mother. Ronnie didn't have any problem helping him out with that. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he knew a couple that had one and they had kids. Gary said that he asked where they kept it and they kept it in the closet. He said he was thinking that the kids would search for Christmas presents and find that thing.
The guys were talking Lisa G and how she probably wouldn't try it and she was probably telling the truth about that. Jon said that if she wanted to come down and talk about that then she can.
Jon said that they had Mr. Skin in the studio so he asked him how he felt today. Mr. Skin said that Howard is so nice to him that he gets relaxed and comfortable once he gets in there.
Jon asked if he ever gets embarrassed by what he does. Mr. Skin said that he didn't used to but now he has kids and he knows that eventually the kids are going to find out about it and people might get weird with it. Gary said that most people are pretty cool about it. He said once in a while someone might say something. He said it's usually the Dads who get creepy. Mr. Skin said he gets that all the time.
Gary said he has known Mr. Skin for a long time and he has seen it grow so he's not surprised by how well he's doing. If he just met him then maybe he would be more surprised.
Jon asked Mr. Skin about selling the business. Mr. Skin said that he enjoys doing what he does so he's not sure he would want to give it up. He said that it's been his life for the past 11 years so he's not sure he can give it up. He said that if someone offered him $20 million then maybe he'd have to give it up.
Gary asked about the movie ''Knocked Up'' and if that does anything for him since they were mentioned in the movie. Mr. Skin said that Judd Apatow heard him on the show and that's how they got the idea for the whole thing. He said that he can use that to tell people where he's been seen when they ask what he does for a living.
Benjy asked how they can stop people from stealing ideas from his web site. Mr. Skin said that people have tired to steal their logo but he doesn't mind it if they try to do something similar with the movie scenes on a web site. Mr. Skin said that he has things organized and worked out so it's not just about the nudity.
Benjy said that he liked what they were talking about with the Molly Shannon shot on TV. He said that's cool that they can go through stuff like that and find it. Mr. Skin said he really gets into that kind of stuff. He said that no one else has that stuff so it's really special.
Gary said that he'll watch a TV show and see someone that he wants to see naked and he'll check out MrSkin.com to see if they ever got naked. Mr. Skin said that's the way he wanted things to work with the web site so you can just go in and find people you're interested in very easily.
Gary said that they were talking about that Amanda Siefried and she doesn't do any nudity but now she's going to be in the movie ''Chloe'' so they're excited about that. Mr. Skin said that one of their guys saw the movie and he's very excited about it coming out.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about 3D and what they're going to do when that comes out on TV. Mr. Skin said that they're getting really good with the 3D stuff and they have some great nude scenes in 3D. Mr. Skin said that they have a lot of nude scenes where women show full frontal and they say that they're showing ''bush'' and some people don't even know what that is because women shave. Mr. Skin said that they're not sure if they should say ''vagine'' or something like that instead. He said they were discussing that at the office wondering if they should call it bush or not. Teddy said they could call it ''Gash'' instead.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they have pretty cool jobs there. He asked who has the better job. Mr. Skin said that the guys on the Stern Show have to get up early but he can come and go as he pleases. Mr. Skin said they all probably have fun doing what they do. Gary said they get to see live nudity on their show too.
Benjy asked who had the worst body that was surprising. Mr. Skin said it was probably Tatum O'Neil. He said that there were some other ones that come to mind like Jessica Tandy.
Gary asked who has done the most full frontal who is a big star. Mr. Skin said that Kate Winslett puts it out there a lot.
Jon and Gary asked Mr. Skin about some other categories he brought up this morning. They went over the kids of famous people nude scenes and stuff like that.
Gary asked Mr. Skin about the girl who plays the intern on ''30 Rock'' and if she's ever been naked. Jon Hein knew that she had never been naked.
Ralph called in and said that Mr. Skin doesn't sound creepy because he has facts and figures about all of these movies. He said that he has a credibility that others wouldn't have. Mr. Skin said that Howard thinks that he's kind of creepy sometimes but he's so cool with him about the site that he doesn't care.
Ralph asked how he can become a Skin Scout and how much does it pay. Mr. Skin said there are people who do reviews for web sites and don't get paid very well. He said that he came up with the idea to send guys out and see movies at film festivals. He said he gets emails about what nude scenes there are and they do it immediately. He said that he pays their expenses to go see all of this stuff but doesn't pay them a salary. They write their reviews and they get to see all of these movies.
Benjy asked if he has any scouts out there that are big names. He said that Richard Roeper is a nice guy and a fan of the site.
Ralph said that he would love to be able to do that but he'd have to fly first class. Gary said they only fly coach.
Benjy asked if Mr. Skin is one of the biggest names in Chicago. Mr. Skin said that he goes to parties and a lot of people hear him on Howard's show. He said that guys will come up to him and tell him that they're big fans from the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if he would hire JD. Mr. Skin said he has a team of guys who stay up until 1 in the morning watching TV. He said that they get stuff right up on the web site as soon as possible. He said that he tells his guys that JD kicks ass doing that job so he's the inspiration for what they do over there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Robin and Lisa G getting on the Sybian and who they think would bust their load first. Gary said that Robin is in touch with herself more so he thinks it would be her. Gary said that's just his opinion though. Benjy said that he'd assume that Robin would be the first too.
Another caller said he doesn't buy that Robin and Lisa G wouldn't go on that thing. He said that would be like JD not using a Riley Steele Fleshlight.
Jon asked Gary if he heard the story Howard told about that masturbation machine that Howard tried out at K-Rock. Gary said he remembers that and described the machine. He said it's almost like a men's Sybian. He said that one of the guys that worked there, Gump, volunteered to go into the bathroom to try it out and it was one of the creepiest moments on the show. Gary said he peeked in there and saw Gump with his pants around his ankles and the guy looked like he was on heroin or something with his eyes fluttering. He said he wanted to vomit when he saw that.
Benjy asked if Mr. Skin would have a problem with his guys masturbating at work. Mr. Skin said that as long as it's hidden from everyone that's fine. He said that it's very relaxed there at their office. Benjy said maybe they should relax their rules there. Gary said that's not going to happen because they're part of a larger compound. They had to end the show a short time later. Mr. Skin said that the Anatomy Awards are up at MrSkin.com. Gary suggested that people check out Molly Ringwald naked when they're there.
Howard started the show talking about how Barbara Walters is coming in today. He said he has a lot to talk to her about. He said that Oprah has glomed into her type of interviewing. He said he has to ask her about that.
Howard said that Robin has make up on today and she's looking good. He said something must be going on. Robin said sometimes she just gets it right. Howard asked if she's going somewhere after the show. Robin said she wasn't.
Howard said he has to ask Barbara about a bunch of things. He said that he was reading some notes about her and she fascinates him. Howard said she married a black guy early on so he has to ask about that.
Howard said Simon Cowell called him last night right before Idol came on. He said he was right about what Simon wanted to talk about. He said he was trying to have some fun with the comments he made and he thought it was getting into a feud. Howard said he told Simon he was just having fun with it too. He said he told Simon he still thinks that he's the whole show.
Howard said he watched some of the show last night and he really dislikes Ellen on it. He said he didn't even watch the whole show. He doesn't care what Ellen has to say. He doesn't care about Randy or Kara and he's missing Paula Abdul. Robin said that she tries to figure out if what Kara has to say is worth listening to.
Robin said Ellen looks like she's melting on the inside or something. Howard said he doesn't want to be the anti-Ellen but he really doesn't think the show is strong with her. Robin said there is no reason for her to be there. Howard said it's not funny.
Howard said Harry Shearer really came down on Billy Crystal yesterday. He thought that was interesting. Howard judged Simon's call to him. He said the call he got from Simon was good and he would let him call back. He went on to say that Simon asked him where he was when he called and he felt like a child talking to Simon. He said that Simon must be in his 40s and he's 56 but he feels like the kid talking to the guy.
Howard said Simon asked him if he's ever in L.A. so he told him he's never there. Howard said he hates flying so he never gets out there. Howard said there are also a lot of vapid people out there that he wouldn't want to deal with.
Howard and Robin talked about going out to Los Angeles and having a driver who was a producer who claimed he was with ''Bobcat Wait'' and didn't know his real name. Howard said that Simon seemed to be asking him if he wanted to go out to dinner with him. He said he knows that it's all horse shit. He said that they don't even know each other.
Howard said everything is cool with Simon. He said he's enjoyed him on the show when he's come in. Robin said she doesn't like him so much but then said she was just kidding.
Howard said the news stories continue about him and American Idol. Robin said she thought there was some announcement over the weekend that he's not in the running. Howard said it takes days to get to the news sometimes.
Howard said that the announcer's only talent is that he can read off a teleprompter. Howard said that guy just looks good and he can read well. He said he can't ad-lib to save his life.
Howard said the guy can now go on and tell his audience what Howard Stern's talent is. Howard said he does this for 5 hours a day with blank air waves and fills it for the whole time. Howard said that guy is a cuckoo bird. Howard said his talent is more than any of the judges on that American Idol.
Howard said the reporter could be replaced any day and they will throw him out when he gets old and someone better looking comes along. Howard said that was a moronic statement.
Howard played more of the news clip where the reporters were bad mouthing him. The woman also said something about Kara being a great entertainer and how she had some hits. Howard said he'd like to hear her name just one. Howard said no one has heard of Kara Dioguardi.
Howard said Kara's opinion is meaningless on the show. He played more of the audio and the reporters were saying that Howard just says stuff like that and that's just what he does. The woman said that they can't have a loose cannon on the show like Howard.
Howard said that guy is some ad-libber. He was grunting like an animal in that clip and trying to come up with something to say. Howard said he's a genius too because he was saying ''That's just Howard on the airways.'' Howard said it's not ''air WAYS'' it's ''air WAVES.'' Howard went off on the guy for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he likes all of this controversy. He said it gives them a lot to talk about on the air. He asked JD if he had anymore good ones to play. JD told him about some of the clips and Howard figured he'd just buzz through them all.
Howard said these reporters don't usually get to comment on stuff but with him they do. He said that they get to put him down. Howard said that they won't bad mouth the Governor but they'll do that to him. Howard said that the latest story is that the governor didn't pay for his Yankee tickets. He said when Richard Nixon got into trouble he was probably going to win and he screwed it all up with that break in. He said that he didn't have anything to worry about but he got paranoid and sent in those clowns to break into the Watergate. He said he could have gone down as a brilliant President.
Howard said that this Elliot Spitzer is another one. He said that Spitzer wanted to have sex outside of his marriage and he figured doing it with a hooker would be better than falling for someone else. Howard said that lots of people cheat and give into having sex. He said that if he was guilty of anything it was being naive.
Howard said this governor is going to screw things up over Yankee tickets. Howard said he sold out his whole administration for $800. Robin said he could end up with a fine of $90,000 because of that. Howard said that the guy is blind anyway and he can't even see the game.
Howard said that you have to know that you can't shake someone down for free tickets when you're the governor. Howard said he likes free shit but the guy has to play by the rules when he's governor.
Howard said that people get pissed off that he can sit there and bash Jay. He said he doesn't need jay for anything and people in show business need him. Robin said that Jay would probably still let Howard be on the show. Howard said that he heard that Jay said that people have been calling him to have him on the show. Howard said that no one is calling Jay to be on their show. Howard said that he hasn't spoken to Jay since he had the argument with him about Stuttering John. Howard said he didn't have a chance to bring that up on the Early Show.
Howard said that Jay stole one of his guys from the show trying to get his talent rub off on him. Howard said Jay doesn't even know what to do with John now that he's there. Howard said that Jay doesn't have an original thought in his head.
Howard said he saw that Jay had a 5 share last night and he beat Dave again. Howard said he wishes that people would boycott Jay's show and ignore him.
Howard played another news report about the Jay Leno bashing. He said that they weren't bashing him in this one. They were just talking about his bashing of Jay and they loved it. Howard said that when he's on their side they love him. Howard said that he's a king on CBS but they hate him on the FOX channels. Howard said they must send out a memo to the affiliates to get them to talk about what a genius he is. Howard said that's just great.
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Howard said that his agent is waiting for him to find out what's going on. Howard asked Gary if he was with him and knew what he was talking about. Gary said he didn't know what was going on because he was talking to Jason.
Gary said that he was talking to Jason about an article that got out about the pageant. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. Gary said there was an article about the pageant and he was trying to figure out what the source of it was. Howard said he was confused and he wasn't talking about that.
Howard told Gary to come in there. Gary said he was on his way in. Howard said that he was thinking that they could do the pageant and then send out their own pictures. He said that they could have a press conference after the pageant to let the media get in on it.
Howard said that they can control the video and all of that. Then they can have a press conference to let the media get in on the whole thing. Howard said he thinks that the audience likes hearing the press conference. They'll have to do it right there though. Robin was thinking they could bring it somewhere else and do it. Howard said he's not sure the girls even want to participate in the press conference.
Gary said that the girls are coming there to make money and they may not want to be part of that. Howard said he'd be happier if they didn't talk to the press. Gary said that some of them haven't spoken to the press so far so they may not want to do that.
Howard said the girls will be better protected there than anywhere else. He said that this is all about the 100 grand and doing the pageant. He said if they don't want press he'll handle it himself. Howard said that they're the ones doing the show and not all of this other horse shit.
Howard said he can have the press in after the pageant so the girls won't even see them. Howard told Gary to go back to talking to Jason now. Gary said that they were doing work, they really were.
Howard said that the $100,000 prize money is coming from AshleyMadison.com.
Howard played more of the clip and Sandra Bernhard was saying that Howard was never a big fan of Jay's. Howard thanked her for that. He let the clip play more and Joy was saying that people took on Jay unmercifully. There was a guy talking in the clip which turned out to be Jim Norton. Jim was defending Jay but Howard said that Jim works for Jay. Howard said that Jay has hurt lots of people. Jim was saying that he didn't hurt anyone.
Howard said that Jim is a friend of Artie's and he's on the Opie and Anthony show. Howard said that Jim works for Jay sometimes too. Howard said that Jim can have an opinion but he is tied into the show.
Jim was saying that Jay is not a thief too. Howard said that he's biased against him. He said that Jay is a thief and it's legendary. He said that he could name 10 bits that are direct lifts.
Joy, Sandra and Jim continued to discuss Jay and Dave. Howard said he knows people don't like him talking about this but he has to. He said that Dave was the guy who settled up with the union guys when they were on strike and Jay just went back on the air and didn't do anything. Howard said he didn't want to get into this anymore. Howard said he had to get out of it.
Howard said he won't go on any shows but he will yap about it. He said those were the clips of all of those discussions.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he has to stop calling Governor Patterson the first black governor of New York. She said that he's Mulatto. She went off on Patterson about being a mixed race. She said that Obama isn't black either. Howard said that Wesley Snipes is the kind of black man that they could call the first black President.
Howard let the caller go and then had another question for her. He was wondering who is the lightest skinned but is still black. He wanted to ask her that but he had let her go already. Howard said that he wanted her to call back in. Howard asked if Will Smith is black enough. Fred said that Colin Powell might be in there.
JD came in and said that one of the news clips had the reporters saying that Howard might hate Ellen because she's too quick for him. Howard played that one quickly and the reporters were saying that maybe Howard doesn't really think this stuff. Then the guy reporter said that maybe Howard thinks that she's too quick for him. Howard said that he'd welcome Ellen to make him look bad. He said they have to be kidding him.
Janks said there was a chick on last night and her name was Siobhan. Howard said that he's seen most of them perform and they're all pretty bad. Howard said that there are a couple who are okay. Howard said that one of the people had some medical problems and they were being very secretive about it. He thought it was something with her vagina. It was something to do with her diabetes. Robin said she went into diabetic shock or something like that.
Janks said that this one chick sang an Aretha Franklin song that was really good. He said that she's young and cute and she's only like 16 or 17. He said this one is hot. He said she hit a note that sounded like Aretha Franklin. Gary said that he just watched it and it was pretty good. Gary said she has a reputation for begin a nutty chick but she can sing pretty good.
Howard figured Gary was watching the video on his computer earlier. Howard said that's what was distracting him earlier. Gary said someone sent a link and he was just watching it. He said it wasn't distracting him. Fred had the clip that Gary had watched so Gary told him to forward through it to 2 minutes in. Fred did that and let it play. Howard said he was bored about 10 seconds in. Howard said the sales girl at K-Rock sang better than this chick. Howard said she can sing though. Fred said it was ''okay'' but that was about it.
Gary said that she does hit that one note like Janks was saying. Howard said he wouldn't buy something like this. Fred said that if you went to a seminar and heard that then you'd be impressed. She hit that note so Howard said that it was good. Fred said that you can't sing just because of one note. Robin said that she's just mouthing words too and she's mot making the song her own. Howard agreed with Robin and said that she has to make it her own and do some weird interpretation of it.
Jon Hein came in and said that this is the girl with the nose ring who is totally out there. Jon said that she's weird and wacky and a total mess. He said when she sang the song it was like ''where did this come from?'' Howard thanked him but said he really doesn't give a shit.
Howard said that there's an article out on VanityFair.com about David Letterman that's free on the web. He said that the article was so good that he couldn't put it down. it was a six page article and he couldn't stop reading it. Howard said that the girls were saying that Dave's pull is so strong that they can't avoid him.
Howard said that they were talking about how all of these women would throw themselves at Dave and he wouldn't even look at them. He said he could be getting major pussy but Dave has such a weird thing going on that he won't go after them. He said that Dave goes after the girls who are ''regular'' and kind of plain. Fred said that they're kind of irregular.
Howard said that Rob Burnett was in the article saying that none of this is true. Howard said that Rob handled it very well but he felt bad for the guy.
Howard said the premise of the article is that the girl who Dave was caught with was this girl who was rejected from the show but she kept applying and applying over and over again. He said she got an internship there and she wanted to be near Dave and the inner circle there. Howard said that the women say that the experience there is like nothing else. He said that one woman was sucked into this vortex and she said it was like a cult. She said that if Dave had asked her to have sex she would have.
Robin said that Dave told her that he wanted her to come up to his offices up there when she did the show. Robin said she got calls from people warning her about going up there though.
Howard said that this article was great. He told the story about this girl that Dave was having an affair with and Dave was putting her on the air with him all the time. Gary said he looked her up on the web and watched a bunch of clips of things they did with her on the show. He said that they had her on a Billboard for a while. Howard said that was the way Dave got her to fall for him.
Howard said that Beth was a sketch girl over there for years and Dave never hit on her. The guys told Howard that she's not plain enough.
Gary said he read about this one girl who was gone from the show for like 5 years and she was still wondering if Dave liked her. Howard said that's pretty wild. He said he has a whole thing going on over there. Howard said he's like David Koresh. Howard said he has his own little compound there in his building.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the quotes from the article and talked about how good Meryl Marco was. Howard said the article is really good and the basic thing is that Dave is hard to resist. He said that his pussy powers are like Bill Clinton's. Howard said that he had to take a break. He mentioned that Barbara Walters is coming in. He said that someone said that she's like 80 years old. He wondered if she's had anyone die on her like Joan Rivers did. Howard said he has to ask her about that. They went to break after that.
Barbara came in and said she doesn't agree with him on that. Howard said that he believes that is the reason. He said that Oprah takes a good idea from other people and does that. He said she did it with Phil Donahue. Barbara said that Oprah doesn't do the same show that she does. She said that they don't even compete. Barbara is friends with Oprah and she has stars interviewing stars.
Barbara said hi to Howard and she asked why she's in a cage. Robin said she likes it that way. Howard said that some people have it and some don't so two stars interviewing each other is just two people kissing each other's asses. Barbara said that's fine with her and she doesn't mind that kind of thing.
Howard said that this is Barbara's last Academy Award special. Barbara said she's going to keep doing other specials where she interviews the stars though. Howard said that a lot of them don't have that much to talk about. Barbara said that they have interviewed 93 people over the years and they did have some great stars on there. She said that the people they have now may not be superstars yet but they are all over the news.
Howard asked what the pay is like to do these specials. Barbara said she has a salary for what she does over there at ABC. She said she's been with ABC News since 1976. She said she has another contract for The View. She said that's with ABC too. Howard said that they're saying that The View may replace Oprah when she leaves. Barbara said they really don't know that right now.
Howard asked if Barbara pays everyone the same on that show. Barbara said that she doesn't discuss that kind of thing. Howard said that she must have to pay Whoopi more than the others to get her on the show. Barbara would only say ''maybe'' to that.
Howard said that when he was dating women and he'd get an email from a woman he would stop dating over grammar in their email. He said that Beth was an English major in college so that helped. He said that it helped that she was gorgeous too.
Howard asked Barbara about Sherri Sheppard talking about how the earth could be flat. He asked if that ruined it for her. Barbara said that they love Sherri and she and Bill Getty were talking about that. She said that Sherri has learned and studied from being on the show and she is very well informed. Barbara said that her parents were Jehovah's witnesses and she may not have had a lot of information growing up.
Howard said that Barbara sounds like John McCain defending Sarah Palin. Barbara said that she thinks that Sarah is an intelligent woman. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Barbara was saying that she might not be very well informed. Robin figured that out.
Barbara said that Sarah is doing stand-up comedy now and she wants to do a reality show so maybe she's not trying to become President.
Howard said that Barbara still has the ''it'' factor and he likes what she does in her interviews. He had a clip of her interviewing Mo'Nique. He said he thought that was a really good one. He played some of that audio and said that the special is running on Sunday. Howard thought it was on tonight. Barbara said that it's been this way for many years and she thought she was wasting her time in there. She wanted to go out with Robin to get a cup of coffee or something.
Howard played the audio of Mo'Nique and she was talking to Barbara about her definition of cheating in a marriage. They ended up talking about what she was saying in that clip. Howard said he knows guys who come to him and tell him their fantasies and their wives have no idea what's going on inside of them. Howard said that you can't cheat on a spouse like they were talking about. Mo'Nique was saying that if you share your thoughts and don't lie about it then it's not cheating.
Barbara said there are open marriages out there and some people can deal with it. She said that's a foreign concept to her. Barbara said she fell in love with Howard when she saw Howard's movie. She said that he's a very moral man. She said that he's very prudish in a way. Howard said that he is very conservative and if she was his woman he would be the only woman for him. He told her that she's looking very good too.
Howard asked if Barbara is dating Frank Langella. Barbara said that she met Frank many years ago and she shared some Nixon tapes with him. She said that she had lunch with him and she has become very friendly with him. She said that he's very smart and funny and they have become friends. She said that he went to the Kennedy Center Honors show and they went together. She said they just went as friends and the press said that they were living together. She said they are just friends.
Howard asked if Whoopi has a problem with it because she dated Frank. Barbara said she doesn't have a problem with it because they are just friends.
Howard said that he's read some stuff about Barbara being upset with Kathy Griffin. Barbara said that she's not upset with her and she has been on the show. Barbara said that she has not banned her from the show. Howard asked if she talked to Kathy about using lubrication on herself. Barbara said she wouldn't discuss that with Howard. She said that story is just not true.
Howard told Barbara that Robin dried up after going through menopause. Robin said that is not sure. She was in a bad relationship, that's why she was dried up. Barbara said ''that will do it.'' Howard said he wants to come on The View and talk about lubrication.
Barbara asked if Howard is going to sign on with SIRIUS when his contract is up. Howard said he's not sure yet. He said he doesn't have to decide because his contract isn't up until the end of the year. He said he might want to just go and stare at a wall. He doesn't need to do radio. Howard said he would like to play chess or go watch movies. He said that he thinks that he can entertain himself just fine.
Robin said that Howard doesn't understand that he's doing all of this reading and stuff to prepare for the show. Howard said he's seriously thinking about getting out of the show. He said that Beth doesn't think he could do it.
Barbara said that Howard doesn't have to do all of these hours. Howard said he just spoke to his psychiatrist about this. He said that Barbara is very smart. He was going to get into that more but ended up talking about Mo'Nique's hairy legs since Barbara talks about that on this special.
Howard said he spoke to his psychiatrist about how he goes 5 hours a day on the air and if he just did 4 hours he'd probably be happier. He said he drives himself nuts that he's not giving the audience enough. He said that the shrink told him he has to get over it. He said he's going to do 4 hours from now on. Barbara said he could do 2 hours and he'd have time for chess and all of this other stuff. Howard said maybe he should talk to Barbara about this.
Howard asked Barbara if she's cut back on the hours she does on the air. Barbara said she has. She said that she doesn't work the way she used to. She said that she has cut back a lot. Barbara said that she didn't take the time to enjoy what Howard is talking about.
Howard asked Barbara if she was so hungry for power that she felt she had to do everything. Barbara said it wasn't an obsession but it was a financial need. She said that she had spoken about her family in her book (Audition) and how her father lost everything. Barbara said she had to work and she had lost everything so she knew what that would be like. She said she had to work and she felt like she was looking in from the outside all the time. She said that when she started on The Today Show she was kept from doing the hard hitting stories on there. She said that the host that came in after Hugh Downs kept her form doing those stories.
Howard said that Barbara's sister was developmentally disabled and he wondered if that had anything to do with it. Barbara said that her family moved around a lot and she didn't know how to dress when she would go into a new city. Howard asked if her sister is still alive. Barbara said she died of ovarian cancer about 15-18 years ago.
Barbara said her sister was loved but she was embarrassed by her and she did feel that way at times. She said she did love her though.
Howard said that Barbara is in awe of him and she wouldn't need lubrication with him. Barbara said that's the real Howard right there.
Barbara said that she thinks that having her sister helped her come out the way she did. She said that she did resent her sister but she also loved her. Howard said that she had to take care of her through her whole life. Barbara said that was just part of her life though.
Howard said that Barbara wrote about losing her virginity to a fat bald man. She said that she never said that but Howard read the quote and that was basically what she wrote. Barbara said that she did not write that and she's not sure who did. Barbara said that she lost her virginity in her 20s so she was an old virgin. Howard said that when the floodgates opened she went nuts. Howard asked Barbara if the white man or the black man is better in bed. She refused to answer and asked if her time was up there yet. Howard said he would let her go soon. She said she didn't mind being there but she really did have to get going soon.
Robin asked Barbara about sleeping with a married man. Barbara said that she wasn't the only one that he was cheating with. That led to Howard asking Barbara about Elliot Spitzer and why he had to resign after he was caught with a hooker. They spent a minute going over that and Barbara said that she thinks that he had to resign. She said that she doesn't think that Tiger Woods should be doing interviews right now either. She said there is no reason for him to do it. Barbara said that there are times when you shouldn't do that kind of thing and now is the time not to do it. Barbara said that she would interview him if he wanted to do that but she thinks he shouldn't be doing it.
Howard said he saw that Barbara asked Mo'Nique about not shaving her legs. Barbara said she claims that it hurts her legs and her husband is fine with her just the way she is. Howard played a clip of Barbara talking to her about that. Mo'Nique said that she shaved one time and when she did that it all grew back thicker and with more hair.
Howard said no man wants that. Howard asked if she was wearing long pants. Barbara said she had a dress on. Howard said that Barbara shaves completely clean from bottom to top. Howard asked Barbara if she's clean/clean. Barbara said she is inside and out.
Howard gave Barbara some plugs for her special and her SIRIUS XM show. Howard said that she would go on that show but he wants to ask her questions too. Barbara said she answered his questions so he has to answer her's.
Howard asked Barbara about having a man die on a date since Joan had talked about that on the show this week. Barbara said she heard the story differently than Howard did. She said she heard that Joan had a man show up with his girlfriend when she was going out on a date. Howard and Robin let out a big ''Awww'' when they heard that.
Howard told Barbara she was looking really good and he will talk to Barbara on her show soon. Barbara told him not to stop with the radio show. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he watches a lot of news channels and he thinks that's what happens when you hit a certain age. He said he watches FOX and NBC and all of the guys are nuts. He said that they all try to entertain. Howard said there's a guy on MSNBC who has a guy on from the Tea Party group but he won't let anyone answer a question. Howard said he has people on the show who he disagrees with but he'll let them talk.
Howard played the audio of this guy Dillon Radigan who had the guy from the Tea Party on. In the clip Dillon was asking the guy some questions and when the guy tried to answer Dillon would cut the guy off and yell at him. The guy would try to answer again but he'd get cut off and yelled at. Then Dillon threw him off the show claiming he was being offensive.
Howard said that's his clip of the week. He said that's the kind of stuff that's going on with these news channels. Howard said that was unbelievable. He said he was amazing the way he cut him off and didn't even ask him any questions. He threw the guy off for being offensive even though the guy never got to say anything.
Howard said he had an awkward moment to play. He said that Jay Thomas asked Kevin Bacon about Bernie Madoff and there was an endless awkward silence. He said that it sounds like he shut off the tape but it's just an awkward silence. Howard said Jay wasn't able to recover from it either.
Howard played that clip and Jay asked Kevin about being ripped off by Madoff. Kevin said he didn't want to talk about it but Jay kept going. Kevin said that shit does happen. Jay said ''okay, alright... so that's that'' but nothing was coming from Kevin. Jay said he was sorry he brought it up and didn't know where to go. Jay asked Kevin to come back with him but Kevin wasn't saying anything. Jay said he felt badly but Kevin told him not to feel bad. Jay asked Kevin to ask him a couple of things if he wanted. Kevin didn't seem to have anything for him.
Robin said that was weird because Kevin did recover and Jay was the one who didn't have anything for Kevin. Howard said it was pretty funny the way it went down. Jay was talking about how he had lost money. He said that he probably owns SIRIUS stock. Howard said that was the greatest. Robin said it was Jay who lost it in that clip. She said she's not sure what went on there.
Howard said they should have Kevin on his show and ask about the Madoff thing. Howard said they could ask him about being raped and stuff like that.
Howard was going to take a call but he said they have an exciting competition coming up. He said they have bands coming in to play and they have some curtains set up with stuff behind it. He said that they have a $5,000 prize for the winner. He said that the stuff behind the curtain is something they have to agree to do if they compete. He said that all of the bands could turn it down and not even perform. He said it's pretty horrible what they have behind the curtain. Howard said that the prize money is from PennyStockChaser.com.
Howard brought up the discussion they had with Barbara about lubrication. Robin said that she doesn't know why Howard keeps bringing up that lube thing with her. Howard said he didn't bring up how her anus self lubricates. Robin said that it doesn't and she keeps telling him that.
Howard said thate Man called in about Robin. He said that Hate Man went berserk over her hanging out with white men down in Miami. Howard played the voice mail from Hate Man where he went off on Robin about that. Hate Man said he was getting very jealous because that black vagina is all his. Then he called her a ''monkey nigger fuckin whore.'' Howard asked if any of that was getting her excited. Robin said she was actually kind of bored. Then Hate Man goes on saying cunt over and over.
Howard asked if they're giving him a death sentence. The guy said that the doctors come in talking to him with their heads down. He said that the brain cancer is what did it. The guy said that he has pressure on the back of his eye and he's got a constant head ache. He said he has a wife, kids and two grand kids. He said his 22 year old daughter has a 2 and a 1 year old. The guy said that he's going to see the oncologist today to find out how much longer he has.
Howard asked how his wife is handling this. He said she's not taking it well. Howard asked if he had a lifetime subscription to SIRIUS. He said he actually does and the show is what he looks forward to. Howard said that he has a reason to live because he's going to go out in January next year. They can go out together.
Howard asked the guy what he wants to see other than the show. The guy said that he'd like his grand kids to know him.
Howard asked the guy if he would like to see Robin topless. The guy said he'd like to but he wouldn't even be able to get up there to see her. Robin said that she would travel to where he is.
Howard asked Robin if she would do this for the guy. Robin said it wasn't on his list. The guy, Raphael, said that he has room on the list. Howard asked him what he did for a living. He said he was a mechanic until he was in an accident 10 years ago. He was on disability the past 10 years. He was doing some various other gigs like working at a bar around second hand smoke. He said that if you smoke you're an idiot. He said he learned the hard way. Howard told him he'd smoke his brains out now. Raphael said that he can't have one now. He said he has oxygen around his head so he can't smoke.
Howard asked the guy what he's going to do if he finds out he has like 4 months to live. He said he's just going to lay in bed and wait to die. The guy said that he hopes that Artie is listening and he can tell him it's worth living.
Howard said that Artie actually called him a couple of days ago and Artie is sounding good. He said that Artie has been sober for 54 days and he's been going to meetings and stuff just doing his thing. Raphael said that he's been through that same kind of stuff that Artie has been through. He said that he wanted to die but now he just wants to live. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to win some money. Raphael said that he already gave him some money so he's going to tell Howard to give it to someone else. Howard said this guy is a good dude. Howard said he may be Jesus on the phone.
Raphael said that Howard took care of him once already. That was enough. Howard said that it was a pleasure to speak to him and he hopes that he can get some help. Howard said they need this man cured. Howard said they can't afford to lose listeners. Howard wished Raphael the best. Raphael asked if he could leave him on hold. Howard said he can do that for him.
Howard asked Raphael if he believes in god. He said he didn't until a few days ago. Howard put him on hold and let him go.
Howard read an obituary for a guy who had served in Vietnam. He said that this guy was wounded 14 times between 1968 and 69. He was awarded a medal of honor. Howard read the story about how this guy crawled out to save his leader in a firefight. The leader's ammo belt was hit and it was set off by the bullet hit. Howard read about the awards the guy won and he was very impressed by all of this. Howard said he's a pussy compared to this guy. Howard said the guy was impressive. He said this guy had the honor of killing the Viet Kong. He said that he was very highly decorated. Howard said the guy was 70 years old and died of pancreatic cancer.
Howard said the guy should have been a general based on what he read. Robin said that it's not that easy to become a general. She said that it can be done but it's not that easy.
Howard played the first clip of Pete saying ''Heidi Koo'' which was obviously Heidi Klum. The caller was right. Howard played a second clip where Pete said something like ''Miaoloco Chichono.'' Howard said he thought it was Bela Lagosi. The caller had no clue. Robin said that she was going to take a guess. The caller said maybe Charlie Rose. Robin got it with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Howard played the third one and it was something like ''Salebri Vehlay.'' Howard had to play that one a bunch of times trying to help the guy. Gary said that he kind of had it in the beginning. Howard and the guys all guessed. The caller was stumped. Fred got it but they weren't giving the caller hints. The caller said it was ''Blehblah blah.'' It turned out it was Sir Lawrence Olivier.
Howard played another one and Pete said something unintelligible. It was something like ''Grosho Maybeco.'' The caller asked for it to be replayed a few times. Howard said it sounded like ''Zsazsa Maricon'' to him. Howard didn't know the answer for that one. Howard said he doesn't speak ''retard.'' It turned out to be Placido Domingo. The caller said that it wasn't even a real star.
Howard said he had one more. He said if the guy gets it right he'll give it to him. Howard played that and it was something like ''Quizby Bozo.'' Howard played that one over and over a few times. Robin got it according to Gary. The caller guessed it was Quincy Jones. He was wrong. It turned out to be Crispin Glover. Howard said he was sticking with Quizby Bozo.
Howard said he was giving the guy the $711 anyway. The caller asked Howard if he would rather fade into obscurity or go out like Dick Clark. Howard said he thinks the Carson way is better. Howard said he conducted his career a little better. He said that he didn't try to sell everything with his name on it other than those suits. Howard said that he had some class and knew when it was time to go. Gary said that he went away on his own and didn't really go into obscurity. Howard said he's not even sure he wants to sign on to stay there. He said he had to take a break so they can get to this contest they're going to do. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's going to sing that song when he's a contestant on American Idol. He quickly moved on to this new segment they were going to do. They have 5 bands there who want a shot on the air. He said that they have a chance to win 5 grand but if they win, they have to deal with what's behind the curtain. Howard said that the bands haven't agreed to do anything yet. Howard told Will to bring them in so he can let them know what's going on.
Howard said that all of these guys are in the business and trying to make it. He said that the lead singers are the ones who have to deal with what's behind the curtain.
First up was Abe Schmidt who said that their band is a pop rock band. Howard told Abe that he has to deal with what's behind the curtain and he'll show them what that is in a minute.
Howard met the second lead singer (Geoff Antonio) who was in LSA (Myspace.com/LatinSupremoAllstars) which is a Latin Black Eyed Peas type of band. He figured that Will the Farter was behind the curtain. Howard said that was a good guess.
Howard met band 3 and he was in God Trunk Inrubus or something like that. Howard asked where he was from. He wasn't answering questions seriously. Howard asked what he thinks is behind that curtain. He said someone trying to chop off his dick.
Howard met the next band lead singer, Mike Brindisi. They do some rock and roll. Howard met the final band and talked to Sean Scanlon about this competition.
Howard said that he'll understand if anyone wants to back out of this. He said that it's going to be horrible. He said that the winner gets $5,000 and that's from PennyStockChaser.com. Howard said he was going to introduce to them what's behind the curtain. It was Sal standing there with his cock out and calking himself ''Harry Houweenie.'' Howard told the guys that they were going to have to sing into Sal's penis in a Cockyoke competition.
Howard asked Abe if he was willing to do it. Abe said yes. He said he has never done anything like that but they were going to play. Their band is The Heartless (Myspace.com/TheHeartless). LSA was up next. They were also willing to do it. Howard said he figured they were out the door as soon as they saw that.
Howard went to band 3 and asked if they would do it. They were also willing to play. Howard said he figured the guys were going to walk out the door. Howard said Scott DePace figured all of them would walk out.
Band number 4 was also willing to do it. Howard asked the last band if they were going to do it too. He said he wasn't backing out since everyone else was staying in.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks this is gay. Fred said that they're all just Rock and Roll and they're going for it. He didn't think it was gay.
Howard asked Sal about how long it took to get the mic in his cock. Sal said it took about 20 minutes. Howard told him not to poke anyone in their face or anything like that.
Howard said the first band was The Heartless. He had him get on his knees to sing his song. He had his guitarist there with him. Howard spoke to him quickly and then hand them perform their song ''Just to Be.'' Gary said they were going to do just a verse and a chorus. They quickly went into the song and Abe sang into Sal's cock.
Howard said that they sounded great when they were done. He said the song was very strong and the mic worked out just fine. Howard said the voice was good, the guitar work was good and the whole cock gimmick is great too. Abe said he was actually on Idol in the top 10 in Phoenix. He said that he went through a bunch of rounds and they took 3 out of the final 10 and they were sending the rock guys home. Howard said he was thinking about how good he was and how they need guys like that on Idol. Abe said that they were all saying yes to him on Idol so he figured that he was going to Hollywood. He said that the style didn't work for them. He said he was on the air quickly but they didn't show him singing. He said he actually had the golden ticket and then they cut him at the last minute. Howard said he didn't like hearing that and said ''Fuck American Idol!'' Howard said that he had exposed something there about Idol. He said that he got thrown out because they had too many rockers. That's not cool.
Howard moved on to the next band and said that they would judge after they were all done. Gary said that they have the two guys singing into the cock since they share the singing. Howard asked if they were both heterosexuals. They said they were but someone said ''not anymore.'' The band was LSA (Latin Supremo Allstars) and it was Geoff and Sauce singing ''Bump Bump.'' They said they actually have an offer from Universal but they're hoping that they hear from more people after this. Howard had the guys sing a short time later. They both sang into Sal's cock. They were laughing during the singing a little bit.
Howard told the guys they did a nice job too. He asked if it was distracting when Sal was moving his cock back and forth. They said it was a little bit. Howard said that he's found some great talent there today. He said both of the bands were very good. He spent a little time talking to the guys and then moved on to band 3.
Next up was God Trunk Inrubus was up next. Howard spent a minute talking to the lead singer and then had him perform his song. He said he's going to be singing ''Drink, Drink, Drink.'' The guy got down in front of Sal and sang his song.
After the song Howard said he was doing great too. Howard asked where they found these guys. Gary said they didn't even try that hard. Howard said that God Trunk likes to party and drink. He said that all of them can sing. He said maybe it's Sal's cock that's bringing out the good performances.
Gary said that he's never seen someone so proud to show their cock. Howard said Sal was actually shrinking as it went along. Howard took a call from a guy who said this was some funny stuff. Howard said the boys were all very talented too.
Howard said that the next guy was Mike and his song is ''Words.'' He said the band is Mike Brindisi and The New York Rock (TheNewYorkRockOnline.com). Howard had him get down in front of Sal and perform his song. Mike belted out his song and Howard told him he was another talented guy.
Mike said he tried out for Idol too and he didn't make it. He said he tried out in Philly. He told Howard the story about how it worked. He said he got his ticket and went in to do his thing. He said that Ryan Seacrest came out and had them sing. He said that it took forever to get through everything. Mike said that they had 12,000 people a day to go through. Mike said they have a bunch of producers there. He said they had him sing really quick and went through them really fast. Mike said they passed on him and they shoved him out the door when he was done.
Howard said that all of these guys are talented. He had the final guy come up and his name was Sean. His guitarist Steve was there too. Howard said he has no idea how he's going to vote yet. Howard said that it's going to be a tough one. Robin said she had a decision. Howard said he might be a shitty judge on Idol if he was on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was on the side of the road puking thinking about them singing into Sal's cock. Fred said that he actually forgot about the cock because they've been so good. Fred said he thinks that one guy wasn't so good and he did concentrate on Sal's cellulite.
Howard had Sean and his band Making April (Myspace.com/MakingApril) perform their song ''Hey Katie.'' Sean did a great job with his song too according to Howard. Sean said he did Idol too and got to the final round with Simon and Randy and he got kicked out because Simon didn't like his voice.
Howard said he thought they were all going to suck. He was surprised at how good they were. Howard said he couldn't say that any of them were bad. Gary said they were all very good. He said that he was even shocked because he had heard the audio clips that everyone sent in.
Howard said he'd be proud to play any of their songs on the radio if he had a radio show that played music. He said they all have talent. Howard said it sucks they have to pick just one. God Trunk said that they should split the money so they all get $1,000 each. Howard said that he wants to walk out with that instead of zero. Howard said he would go for that if all of the bands agreed to it. The guys were saying that they got on Stern so they all did pretty good. Most of the guys seemed to be okay with the splitting.
Howard asked Robin who she was voting for. She picked Mike Brindisi. She said she loved the song and his voice. She said it sounded like something you'd hear on the radio.
Howard asked Gary for his vote. He said he liked LSA's song the best. He said that it wasn't all that original but he liked it because it was catchy. Robin said she felt it was too much like everything else she hears.
Howard asked Fred for his vote. Fred said he liked LSA but the performance was a little weak. He said that if they weren't singing into a cock it might have been better. He blamed the venue. Fred told God to get out of town. He said he doesn't have the goods. Fred said it was between Abe, Mike and Sean. He said that Sean was out because the song wasn't good. He said that Abe has to work on his look. He said Mike has a good look. Fred said he was giving the edge to Abe and The Heartless.
Howard said he had to vote and his vote was for one of the bands they had a vote for. He said he thought that God Trunk had something there even though Fred didn't. Fred said he didn't hold his attention. Howard said he thought Sean was very good. He said he wants to bring LSA's song down to SIRIUS Hits 1. He said that song can be a hit. He said he would do what he can to help them out. He said he loved the song. He said Mike was great and he can't believe they turned him down on Idol. Howard said that Abe has a look that he likes and he disagrees with Fred on that. Howard said he was going to give his vote to Abe. He said he was going with Fred on that. Abe sounded very happy about the win. Robin said she was torn between Abe and Mike. Howard said that the song was very catchy. Robin said she thought that everyone else should have gone home after that performance.
Howard said that he's going to play Abe's song all the way through and he's going to help LSA out with their song too. He said he really liked that one. Howard said he has connections so he'll do what he can.
Robin said that they might have a real competition here. She said that they can have good bands performing and fuck that American Idol.
Howard said that the 5 Grand was going to Abe and The Heartless. Howard thanked everyone for having the balls to sing into Sal's cock. He thanked Sal for doing what he did. Abe gave a quick acceptance speech into Sal's cock and said it was definitely worth it. Howard played The Heartless' song ''Just To Be'' as they went to break.
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Howard said the point is that when a guy goes in front of a record company he's not singing remakes of a song. He said that's what they do on Idol.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that all of the bands were great and he should start his own show. Howard said he thinks that he could do it. He said they should do it for Howard TV. He said they could get a cock or even a vagina involved. Gary said that he'd like to see a hot chick sing into a vagina. Robin didn't seem to like that idea.
Robin couldn't believe how good that sound was out of the mic in Sal's cock. Howard said it did sound better than many of the mics they have in the studio. They were all fired up about the whole thing. They continued to discuss the bands and Robin said she really didn't like the song that Abe sang. She said that she liked his voice but not the song.
Howard said that one of the guys told him that his father was the one who put the Drake Shinault awards back when he won one in Detroit for doing a bit similar to this in 1980. Howard said that's kind of cool that the guy's son was on the show performing in a bit he gave an award away for that long ago. Howard finished up his live commercial and had Fred play the rest of the commercials.
After the break, around 9:55am, Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said that segment was fantastic. He said they have to back up one of those guys to legitimize the show. Howard said that they should do this show regularly on Howard TV. Robin said they have to get a record company deal for the winner. Howard said that they should be able to do that. Howard said he's afraid that this was a fluke.
Howard said that their show wasn't boring and it went much faster than American Idol. Fred said they waste a lot of time on that show and it's just bullshit.
Gary said they had a lot of metal bands trying to get in. They narrowed it down to 20 bands before the 5. He said that the next 5 would have been good too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the contest was great. He told him to listen to band 4 and they sound like Train in the beginning. Howard had some clips of them so he played some of Mike Brendisi and the New York Rock. Howard said he didn't hear Train in that clip. He said that the ''Bump Bump'' guys could have a hit too. Robin didn't think they were that good. Howard said their female band member came in during the break and she was hot.
Robin said that the LSA guys were doing something rap like that just wasn't the kind of thing that they do anymore.
Steve said that Jeff the Drunk is having a benefit show for his sister this weekend and he's calling the show every day asking for something to auction off.
Steve said that they have a story about High Pitch Eric and Angel. They also have some stuff about Medicated Pete and what he's been up to with his web site.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He talked about the stuff that they'd be talking about today. They spent more time talking about the Cockyoke thing. They also talked about the David Letterman discussions they had this morning. Robin said that she didn't see the Dracula-like thing that they talked about but she would consider sleeping with him.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to promote tonight's show. Mutt said they're going to be talking about JD shooting his music video for Ashley Dupre. Howard said he was back with JD trying to help him with a concept. He said they were collaborating back there. Howard did an impression of JD talking to him about that. Mutt asked which song JD is going with. Howard said that JD might have been saying that it might not even be happening now. Mutt said maybe if he comes up with the right concept she'll do it.
Howard asked JD if it's happening or not. JD came in and said that they have chosen to go out next week. He said that she has to fly out of New York for something and he hasn't been able to talk to her. JD said they aren't doing the video for this. He said they're just going out with the 5 grand. JD said that they haven't really discussed it. JD said that they may go see a show or something. JD said he wasn't able to come up with a decent idea for the video. He said he doesn't know, he just didn't want to get started.
Robin asked if he's going to a hotel. JD said they might get a whole suite and go to a show or something. Howard told JD ''Way to go pal!'' JD said he's not sure anything is going to happen.
Howard asked if Ashley is up for all of that. JD said that she is, he thinks. Howard and the guys applauded JD on that. He asked how JD got into that. JD said they were talking about the video and he didn't want everything under a microscope. He didn't want to be criticized over it all. Howard said that he really didn't know what JD was saying to him the other day. He didn't know what he was saying to him now. Robin knew but said he would never get it out.
Howard asked JD what he was saying. JD said he didn't want to force something and have it criticized under this guise of this whole thing. Howard said it could be good for her and for him. JD said he would rather just do this night out thing. Howard said the bottom line is getting into her pants. Howard said maybe JD didn't need the video. He said that this might be the right thing to do.
Howard asked what hotel they're going to. JD said he didn't want to say. Howard told JD to get her loaded. JD said she brought up this place called Per Se that she likes. He said that they're still talking about it though. Howard said they need a romantic place so avoid Nobu. There are too many good looking people there. Howard said that she might meet someone there. Howard said that they should think about going to Danielle. He said he takes his lady there. That would be more romantic. Robin said that One if by Land, Two If By Sea is another good one. Howard told him to think about Jojos or some other ones like that.
JD said that he was looking for a show but he didn't see much. He said that cirque du soleil might be an option. He said the one he wants to go to is the Banana Shpeel. Fred said that's a kid's show. JD said he thought it was a comedy show. They ended up goofing on him about the way he said ''shpeel'' for a short time. Fred and Howard were doing their impressions of JD goofing on him.
Howard thought this was a cool idea and congratulated JD on the date. Robin asked if he proposed it. JD said that they just discussed it. Howard said he thinks that he's going to get at least a BJ up there in the hotel room. JD said he doesn't know about that.
Howard asked JD if he's going to jerk off before the date. JD said he doesn't know. Howard suggested that he jerk off. He said that he might blow a load before they even get back to the hotel. Howard said JD should probably do it twice before he goes out. Fred did his JD voice saying ''My cock is raw'' while talking to Ashley.
Howard said that was great for JD. JD told him to calm down. Howard said he thought he was a loser but he's a winner. JD said ''we'll see.'' Howard told JD not to tell her he came if he finishes too quick. Howard said that he should just start going again.
Howard said he'd give all of this advice to a son if he had one. He asked JD if he knows how to put on a condom. JD said he knows. Howard told him to save the 5 grand for an abortion just in case. Howard said that JD is going to explode in seconds if he gets inside of her.
Howard told JD he'd give him the talk about the birds and the bees today if he wants. JD said he didn't need that. Howard asked JD if he knows where a baby comes from. JD was talking about some of that stuff and tried explaining it in that very unique way he has of speaking. Howard was asking JD for details about everything and wanted to know how the sperm gets to the egg. JD knew so Howard let him go. He said he's proud of him and he couldn't be more proud. He liked hearing that he was going to go on a date.
Robin told him to a limo. Fred did his JD voice telling the driver to bring him to Banana Shpeel. That led to Howard talking about how stupid Naomi Campbell is for hitting her driver. Robin said that's her friend so he can't call her stupid.
Howard said Robin was right about the limo. JD said he knows. Robin said she wanted to pick the restaurant too. Fred told him to just bring Robin on the date. Howard said JD will end up getting two single rooms. Robin said he'll get just one room but they'll have two double beds. Howard goofed on JD some more and had him knocking on Ashley's door to let him come in. JD said that they'll get an expensive room that might have separate rooms in it. Howard said that JD will end up in there and he'll hear banging on the walls while Mark Sanchez is banging Ashley in the other room.
Howard and Fred continued to goof on JD about the whole date thing. Howard was doing his JD impression for a short time.
Howard said he had Ashley on the phone. It was actually High Pitch Eric doing his Ashley impression and telling Howard what he wanted to do to him at the hotel. Howard said that he should know that High Pitch has nowhere to go with that. He hung up on him and on Mutt accidentally. He told him to call back and he'd get to more of that during Robin's news.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Cockyoke thing was great today. Howard said that they may have come up with ''the next big thing'' with that. The caller said that he hates Ellen on American Idol.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's been on a roll lately with the show lately. He said that he wonders if he has stepped up his game without Artie being there. Howard said he is always amazing. The caller said that is not the case. He said they've done too much poop stuff with Richard and Sal. Howard said he wasn't aware that he had stepped up his game.
Robin started her news and said that some teachers in Los Angeles have been fired for who they picked to honor during Black History Month. Robin said that these teachers picked OJ Simpson, Dennis Rodman and Rupaul. Howard said that they have to know they can't do things like that. Robin said they were teaching pretty young kids.
Mutt called back and got in some more plugs for tonight's Superfan Roundtable. They'll be talking about the Cockyoke thing and about how gay Sal is for having guy's hot breath blowing on his cock. Howard said Sal was very happy to have his penis out. Mutt said they'll also be talking about Howard's scarfs and his fashion. The show is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin got back to her news and said that Burt Reynolds may have had a heart attack. She found the story and said that he is recovering from a heart attack. Robin said that he had quintuple bypass surgery last week. They expect him to make a full recovery. Howard said he must have heard that Ashley Dupre agreed to go to a hotel with JD.
Robin said the guy who they based the movie ''Stand and Deliver'' on is dying. She said that he's got stage 4 bladder cancer. They say that he only has a few months to live and the family has depleted their money paying for treatment. Edward James Olmos played the guy in the movie and he's said that the family needs money. Howard read that they only need 25 grand so Edward James Olmos should be able to pay that. Howard said that's too bad though because he sounded like a good man.
Robin read some news about Megan Fox who claims that she's only had sex with two people in her life. She only did it with Brian Austin Green and her childhood sweetheart. Howard said that she probably admitted she's given thousands of BJs though. Howard said that's a waste because she's so hot. Howard said she needs to bang some more guys and rack up some bigger numbers.
Robin read some news about the kid who was directing traffic at JFK airport. She said they've uncovered more tape of other kids doing the same. Howard said that he heard children's voices during his colonoscopy, should he be worried? Robin had a bunch of clips of more kids directing traffic at the airport.
Howard said he brought his kids into work years ago. He gave them a taste of radio and they all ran as far away as possible. Howard said that it somehow traumatized them. Howard said you can't do that kind of thing when you're an Air Traffic Controller. Robin said that the FAA is looking into this more. She had some audio of an FAA member talking about how this is a lack of common sense.
Robin read some more news about Governor Patterson and how they're thinking that he won't last his whole term. Howard and Fred don't think that he'll last. Fred said he won't make it 6 months. Robin read the details of what Patterson is in trouble over.
Robin read some news about Congressman Charles Rangle getting into some trouble too. She read that he's stepping down from his position on some committee while they do an investigation on him. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about a cruise ship that had a giant wave hit it and it killed a couple of people. Robin said she's not sure who goes on these cruises. Howard said that he would never go on one because all you can do is eat. Howard said that's what everyone talks about when they get back from a cruise. Robin read some details of the wave and how it was near Spain at the time. The wave broke windows near the front of the ship. Howard said he would never leave his room on the ship. Howard said he'd probably sleep in a life vest.
Robin read some news about what they're doing in San Francisco where they're adding a ''health charge'' on restaurant bills. Robin said that they're trying to cover health care costs with that charge.
Robin read about President Obama trying to get the health care bill either voted up or down trying to avoid a filibuster.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about Transcendental Meditation and if he's still doing it. Howard said he is. The guy's phone connection was awful so he had to hang up on him. Howard said his mother's fear is that he'll stop meditating. Howard said that her answer to everything is meditation. He said that she'll ask if he meditated if he gets a cold. Howard said he's been doing it since he was 18 but it's never enough for her. He said she brings it up all the time. Howard said that she's always telling him about it and asking if the kids do it. Howard said that he doesn't bother them about it but his mom wants to know if they're doing it all the time.
Howard said his mother is just about in tears talking about it. He said that meditation saved her life and he gets yelled at about it.
Howard said his mother got on his ass one time after he had been into it like 15 years. He said that she told him that he had to tell everyone about this meditation. He said they came up with this new TM Cities program and his mom wanted him to become a Sidhar and he didn't do it. He said that his sister did it and his mother was raving about how great that was and how important it was.
Howard said his mother will still yell at him about TM when she calls. He said he can't get sick because she thinks that means he hasn't been meditating. Howard said that she gets colds and she thinks that she's doing something wrong. Howard said that she'll tell him he's doing something wrong if he gets a cold. He was doing the impression of his mother through this whole discussion. He said he gets lectures from her all the time. He said he never misses meditation but Beth will miss it once in a while. His mother will ask him if he tells her she can't miss. He said he does. Howard said his mother thinks that everyone should meditate. Robin said she doesn't think that everything she does is for everyone.
Howard said his mom said she wanted him to be a TM teacher. Howard said that if he had done that he wouldn't have been able to buy them two cars and have their house remodeled.
Howard said he went to a TM concert one time and saw that Jerry Seinfeld was there. He told his mother about that and now she loves Jerry. Howard said he was like a hero to her when she heard about what he said in his speech at that concert. Howard said that she was telling him how great it was that he mentioned her in the speech. Howard did his mother's voice as he told that story.
Howard said his mom didn't like it when he started going to the psychiatrist. He said she doesn't believe in that kind of thing. She thinks that the meditation should be enough. He said he brought her to meet the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi he was her hero for weeks. Howard said he is a big proponent of meditation and he is meditating in case Robin was wondering.
Robin got back to her news and read about a book that's coming out where Carl Rove claim that Bush didn't lie about the Weapons of Mass Destruction to get us into war in Iraq. Robin had some other details about that in the story as well.
Robin read a story about Jack Nicklaus going to a golf tournament this weekend and saying he doesn't believe that Tiger would miss it.
Robin had some news about Sarah Palin and how Jay Leno had her doing stand-up on his show. Robin had some audio of that for Howard to play. Howard played it and said that it's so obvious it's arranged. He said that Jay was a suck ass in that clip too. Howard said that Palin is stupid but he wants to fuck her. He said that she's hot and he's not sure if it's just wanting to shut her up or what. He said he thinks that she'd be wild in bed. He said she's pretty too. Howard said that she has big, full cans but her politics annoy him. Howard was getting sick hearing Jay doing his lame show and didn't want to listen to that. Howard asked how he can have 5 million viewers. Jay eventually had Sarah come out and do her stand-up act. Palin came out and did some lame jokes. Howard faked some laughter and said ''get her out of here!''
Robin read a story about Captain ''Sully'' Sullenberger retiring. Robin said that he is making one final flight into Charlotte before his retirement. Robin said that he's going to become an advocate for airline safety. She had some audio of him talking about that. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Gary said that Barbara was on the last time on the phone and she followed something kind of gross. Gary said he had to have Steve Brandano talk to her on the phone so they wouldn't put her on hold to hear the show. Steve said that Barbara is intimidating but he was able to pull it off.
Jon ran down what they were going to try and cover today and ended up talking about JD and Ashley Dupre for a short time. Gary said that it's overwhelming for JD to do this thing. Jon moved on to talk about the big Cockyoke contest.
Jon asked how hard it was to put together. Gary said that Jason pretty much produced the segment. He said that he and Jason went through about 25 bands and weeded out the 5 that came in. He said that Jason did a lot of the leg work on that. He said Jason and Will had to figure out who was going to be doing what. Jon said that things ran very smoothly and he had to commend them for getting it done.
Gary said that they had a very serious discussion about how Sal should stand in the studio. They were wondering if the guys should get on their knees or have Sal on a podium. They figured it would be funny to have them kneeling.
Jon and Gary talked about how proud Sal was of that penis being out and he's got so little to be proud of. Jon said that Sal loves shaking that thing. Jon figured that at least one of the bands was going to back out of the competition. Gary said that Scott DePace was the one who thought they were all going to walk way. He said Howard figured they'd all do it.
Jon played a clip of the winner, Abe, deciding if he was going to do the competition. After that clip Jon and Gary talked about how he didn't even hesitate to do it. Gary said that Scott was saying that he didn't think they'd do it because they would have to live with that for the rest of their careers. Gary said Scott said he wouldn't do it for anything but he eventually broke down when he asked if he would do it to get a plug for his Video Caddy every day in the middle of the show.
Gary said that it's gay looking but not an actual gay act. Scott came in a short time later so Gary asked him about what they were talking about. Scott said that when he brought up the plug thing then he started to think that he'd have to do that. Jon asked Scott if he would do it if he could get the plugs. Scott said that tape would haunt him forever and he just wouldn't do anything like that.
Benjy asked Scott if he would do it for $100,000. Scott said he probably would. Gary asked if he would get fucked in the ass for a billion. Scott said he would do it for a billion. He said he wouldn't do it for a million. Scott said a million wouldn't change his life.
Sal came in too so Jon aksed him how he comes up with the names of his characters. Scott was asking him how he lives with himslef. Sal said he and Richard were throwing names out there and coming up with that stuff yeseterday. Sal said that Richadr is great to bounce ideas off of adn they come up with these crazy bits to do.
Gary asdi that this bit is close to a year in the making. He said htat they did a test after the show one day to see how it would sound and HOward thought it was a great idea. Gary asdi they gave it a name and then they had to sell it to a client. They eventyally did that and it took about 2 months to make this thing happen. It took about a year overall.
Jon asked Scott if he's really grossed out by this. Scott said he doesn't know how Sal can do it. Scott asked Sal if he has ever banged another girl with other guys in the room. Sal said he has done that and he told the story on the air about how he almost got arrested.
Scott said that it's a weird thing to do in front of other guys. Scott said that he has no problem being naked like that. Sal said he has a big problem with it but he blocks it out and becomes a different character. Gary said he doesn't look like he has a problem when he's up there.
Sal said he has to give it his all or don't do it at all. Scott said he's an air whore and that's why he does it. He said he'll do anything for a laugh.
Sal said he is not an air whore and he picks and chooses when he does this kind of stuff. He said that an air whore would be a guy who hears anything to do with politics who runs in and yells about it on the air. Scott said he doesn't like talking politics on the air.
Jon asked Sal how he came up with the outfit for his character. Sal said that Gange and Doug Goodstein came up with that. He said that Richard helped out with the moustache and eye brows.
Gary said that he and Sal had a weird moment today. He said Sal has make up on his moustached penis. Gary said that Sal was in the bathroom and he ran out when he went back there to go pee. He saw hair in the sink and thought it was pubic hair. Sal said it was actually his goatee hair. He said he got some stuff in the hair and had to cut it out. Gary said he should have cleaned what he started before running out.
Benjy asked if they told the bands anything about what they were going to have to do. Gary said he didn't think they had done that.
Sal said that he had never felt puffs of air on his cock before. He said that one wacko Godtrunk may have spit on his cock a little bit. He said that was really disgusting.
Jon asked Sal about the way they were singing to his penis and how the lyrics actually fit at times. Sal said they all gave it all they had. Gary said that one of the guys closed his eyes the whole time he was down there.
Jason came in and said that they did this under the guise of ''are you willing to do whatever it takes to get your band on the air.'' He said that's what they told them before they came in.
Jason said that he thought that all of the guys were going to do it because people are desperate. Scott said he wouldn't act like he's having fun with it if he had to do it. Jason said if Scott had any passion to get anything done then maybe he would look like he'd look like he's having fun.
Ralph called in and asked Scott if a million dollars really wouldn't change his life. Scott said that it wouldn't. Ralph asked what he's being paid over there. Ralph said that Scott does have a price though.
That discussion led to them talking about how Scott The Engineer was going to have anal done to him for $250,000 one time when they were at K-Rock. They were going to have Lexington Steel bang Scott in the ass. Gary said they had a lot of problems with that and they were planning on doing a huge event around it. Gary said that Scott was willing to do it but his wife put a stop to it.
DePace said that he couldn't look at Scott the same way after that. He said that he couldn't work with him anymore if he had done it. Gary said he wouldn't have a problem working with him. Jason said he agrees with Scott on that. He said that it was desperation on Scott's part and he wouldn't be able to look at him the same way.
Jon asked if he'd be able to work with Scott. Jason said he'd never be able to look him in the eyes the same again.
Benjy asked if they were really going to do that event. Gary said if they could have found a sponsor then they would have. Ralph said it would have been great if they had done it at Giants Stadium and when they were tearing it down they would have mentioned that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they thought that Sal was going to stick his cock in anyone's mouth. Sal said he never would have done that. Benjy said that Sal did it perfectly and when they see it on TV it's going to be great. Sal said that if he had any gay tendencies he would have gotten erect but he actually got smaller. They had to go to break after that.
Another caller said that Fred is a great judge and he might be a better American Idol judge than Howard. Howard took it easy on that one guy Godtrunk while Fred went off on him. The guy said that guy's song wasn't all that grate. Jon said he was the weakest performer but he did have a personality. Benjy thought he was good.
The caller said Fred was brutally honest while Howard wasn't. Gary said that Howard liked the performance so he wasn't really tip toeing around it.
Jon said he as surprised by Gary's vote. He said he thought he was going to go with someone else. Gary said he liked them all. He liked LSA the best out of the group even though he enjoyed some of the others too.
Sal said he thought LSA was good too. He said that they had a good groove going. He said the rest of them sounded like watered down Oasis to him. Gary said that the band he picked weren't pretending to be something they weren't. They admitted they were the Latin Black Eyed Peas.
Sal said he thinks that Robin went against the grain and tried to ruffle some feathers during the competition and she may have been trying to get in on the American Idol thing. Sal said that Howard is hot for Idol and Robin might want in on that. Gary said that Robin has never said she was interested in that.
Gary said he didn't agree with Robin's opinion but he didn't get that she was angling to get that job as a judge. Sal said he thinks that the way she was critiquing was very obvious that she was trying out for the job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knew people who went on the Rosie O'Donnell cruise and they must have some great food on those cruises. He said that they came back bigger than they did when they left. Sal said he's been on cruises too and he loves them. He said all you do is eat all day long and they say that the average person gains 8-10 pounds in the time you're on that cruise.
Jon said he's been on a cruise and the food is good. He said they do have a gym on the ship too though so you can work out. Sal said that the gym is the emptiest room on the whole boat. No one works out on a cruise. He said they need to have a buffet in there.
Jon took one last call from a guy who asked about the bands they had send in their stuff and asked if they would do an all metal bands thing. Gary said they wouldn't do one where they had only metal bands but they would let them compete if they did a regular show. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:35am.