|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how they had only about 17 shows left to do there. Howard said it seems like a lot. He wondered what's really going to happen after that time. Howard was told it was actually 19 shows after today. Howard said he thinks he's had enough.
Howard said he's proud of Robin for finishing the New York City Marathon even though she didn't win. Howard said she was way behind the winners. Robin said she came in way behind them. She said she didn't plan on winning that one. She said she's not sure if she beat the Chilean miner either. Fred said he did it in 5:40 and Robin was over 6 hours. Robin said she had to stop and get something to eat. She said the gels and stuff weren't working for her. She had to get a bagel during the run.
Robin said everyone told her the gels would work but it didn't work. She said she was eating pretzels while she was preparing for the run. JD came in and said that the miner had to stop and rest because he had problems with his feet. Howard said he was running like 6 miles a day in the mine but that's really not enough. He said it was kind of irresponsible for that guy to run.
Robin said she beat Al Roker. She said he did it in over 9 hours and her time was 6:09. Howard said that cant be. Gary told Howard that Al's time was actually 7:09. Howard said that's more like it.
Robin said that Gange was supposed to film her running over the finish line but he wasn't there. Howard said if she was a stripper then he would have gotten her. Robin said they had like 6 people watching her and tracking her on the internet and Gange called and asked where she was and she was on her way home. Robin said she told Gange she got her stuff and was on her way home. They had 6 people trying to spot her and there weren't that many people around her when she crossed the finish line. Robin said it was just her and her coach running across the line.
Robin said that everyone was relying on Gange to get her an interview with CNN and stuff like that and he screwed it up. Robin said there were more people spotting her than there were crossing the finish line. Howard said Gange isn't going to have a job in the business if that's the way he works. Howard said the guy is a massive screw up.
Richard came in and said that they waited hours for Robin out there. He said they saw Jarred from Subway running and then they got a text from Lisa G saying that she just saw Robin in Manhattan. Richard said maybe Lisa G saw a black lady in Manhattan and screwed up. He said they left over that and missed Robin running. Richard said Lisa said Robin was in pink so they were going to be watching out for her but if she was right then Robin would have finished the marathon in 4 hours or so.
Howard asked if Lisa had an interview with that strange woman. He did an impression of her asking the stranger for an interview. Howard said he has a bunch of whackos working there. Howard said he remembers watching when Beth ran the marathon and watching every single person. He said they do start to look the same but Gange should have been able to find Robin in that crowd.
Robin said she crossed the line and her GPS didn't register it. They missed her somehow but they got Josh. Robin said they were looking for her after that and they couldn't figure it all out. Howard said it's been 20 years of incompetence from Mike Gange. Robin said they didn't cross the line with a lot of people. She said it was just her and Josh. Howard said he should fire all 6 of the spotters and Gange.
Robin said she saw a woman throw up in front of her. She said she didn't have any problems herself. She said she didn't have to go to the bathroom or anything. Robin said the woman who vomited was right in front of her and she just vomited out of nowhere.
Lisa G said that she got a text from Richard and Kristin and they told her that they hadn't seen her yet. Lisa said that they found Robin at mile 16 at 1:16 in the afternoon. Lisa said that they found her at that time in that area. Howard said Richard didn't understand the route then. Richard said he apologizes for that. So Lisa didn't screw up.
Lisa said they had a lot of people cheering for Robin out there. She said it was amazing. Lisa told Howard about some of the people they interviewed at the finish line but she missed Robin somehow. Richard said he saw a guy with no legs running in the marathon. Robin said he had those spring things on his legs. they said that was pretty amazing. Richard said there were people in costumes running too. Howard said that annoys him. Richard said he saw some people dressed up as bananas.
Howard said he saw a guy in a car. Lisa said there were a lot of single guys out there too. She said that Gange saw some cute girls there too. Howard said they all passed him by. Howard said he's such a waste of space.
Lisa asked how Robin was feeling. Robin said she's good but her legs do hurt. She said she had to go up some stairs to get out of there and no one was able to get up the stairs. Lisa said some people were collapsing. Howard asked if Robin cried. Robin said she didn't do anything.
Howard said that Robin is an ice woman for not crying. He asked what she did last night. Robin said she went out and celebrated and then went home and took a bath in some Epsom salts. Robin said that she will be running in the San Francisco marathon next July but she has to figure out how to prepare for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has listened to Howard for years. He said he wanted to congratulate Robin on her run. He was also hoping to hear the song parody ''C O C K I N T H E A S S'' song parody. Howard didn't remember that one. Fred said he'd try to find it but he didn't seem to remember it either.
Robin said she remembers seeing Mariann from Brooklyn out there on the route. Howard had Mariann on the phone so he went to her. Mariann said Robin was incredible and she worked so hard. She said they were hugging and kissing and she looked adorable. Howard had to hang up on her because she was rubbing her in the wrong way.
Howard had that song that the caller had requested. That one was done by Tony Daniels. Robin said she got a beautiful bouquet of flowers when she got home. Howard said he told Beth she'd probably be eating them by the time she got home.
Robin said she had a protein smoothie and some nuts. She said she ordered some Chinese food too because she needed something salty. Howard said he didn't think she ate salt. Robin said she doesn't usually but she was covered in salt after she got home.
Robin said she didn't have her medal on today. She said she's going to frame it. Howard said the Chilean Miner pissed him off. He said the front runners just move like magic though. Howard said the winner did it in like 2 hours and 8 minutes. That guy was just flying.
Howard said he got a lot of email about that interview. Howard said he had him on the show because the show he's on is so popular. Howard said the guy had an interesting story about how close he was to being broke and all of that and it was interesting to get to know the guy.
Howard read the email he got about the guy and there were a lot of people calling him a douche and asking why he was on the show. Howard said he's not a viewer of that show but there must be people who do watch Jersey Shore. Howard read more and more of the email and people were saying that they turned off the radio as soon as they heard he was going to be on. Howard said that's just not fair.
One person complained about Howard's chess playing so Howard said he has to give it up. He said he just sucks at the game. He said he can be up by one bishop and he still loses.
The caller asked about how he had said there are only 33 Howard Stern's in the country and he was wondering if his daughters bring up his name to their friends and stuff. Howard said it's like a disease. He said they have to trust someone before they tell them. Kind of like when you have a disease like cancer. You don't tell people that kind of thing immediately.
Howard said he thinks that most people know who his kids are already and they don't have to tell them who they are. Howard said they don't want things to be about him but they can't help it sometimes. Howard said that it's a weird thing and they may curse it at times. Howard said they might get a lot of attention that they don't want. Howard said he wishes that his father was famous so he could have gotten some pussy when he was in school.
Robin said that he might feel differently if he had gone through something like that. Howard said his kids don't look for the spotlight. He said his daughter Emily tried acting but she's out of that now. Howard said he even offered his kids a radio show but they wanted nothing to do with it. they're not looking for attention. He said he doesn't understand that. He said he's all about the spotlight.
Howard said his kids are very close and he doesn't hear about everything that goes on. He said they may not even approve of the show that much. He said they put up with it though. Howard said they basically know that he's a good guy. Howard said they may have complained to the FCC though. Howard said they actually deal with it pretty well.
Howard said Gary was out at another book signing. Robin said she was at his book party on Thursday night. She saw a bunch of people there. Howard said he saw some of the tape from the party and Robin had brought up Gary's co-writer and the co-writer had to listen to Gary's system about how he got the top 100 from ABC radio and stuff. Howard said he started to laugh when he heard Robin talking about that.
Howard ended up doing his impression of Gary talking about his lists and stuff. Howard said he was listening to Robin talking about that and he was saying ''You've got to be fucking kidding me...'' Howard said Gary hasn't done a thing with that music knowledge. Howard said Gary just listens to records. He's not even a music critic. Howard said he can't play an instrument or anything.
Robin said that you'd think that Gary would see the next trend in music or something but he doesn't even do that. Howard said Gary has done nothing with it at all.
Howard said he watched TV when he was a kid and he thought about creating something from that. Gary has listened to tons of music and he has nothing to show for it.
Howard said there was another great moment on tape. Colin Quinn was there and he was there before anyone else. He said Colin and Nick DiPaolo were there and Gary walks into an empty room and goes up to Colin. He said Colin looks at the cover of the book and said that he looked like a Guatemalan girl he knew in 6th grade. Gary then goes up to Colin and asked him for something witty to say. Colin then says that Gary looks like Ugly Betty's sister. Howard said it was brilliant and he may not even remember that. Howard said it was brilliant. He said he really does look like that girl. Howard said these guys have brilliant minds. Colin sees Nick and asks if it's great to see Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said Nick DiPaolo walks in and Nick tells Colin that you're only happy to see Ronnie when it's raining out and you need a ride.
Howard said that Gilbert Gottfried had some funny lines too. He said it was some party they had going on there. He said they asked Gilbert if he had any words for advice for Gary and he tells Gary to never leave Howard. Gilbert then says that advice was for Jackie the Joke Man too.
Howard said Robin had some great observations too. He said that Colin Quinn had another great line. He said that Colin mentioned that he had a foreword by High Pitch Eric. He said Gary really should have done that, it would have been brilliant.
Robin said that Lucas Dell'Abate was at the party. Howard said Benjy was there and he wouldn't leave the kid alone. Benjy joked that they had ended up sleeping together. Howard told Benjy to take off his hat because he was sweating like crazy.
Gary said Lucas loves Benjy and he was waiting for him to show up. He said that Benjy made him laugh really hard.
Gary said that Robin came in like 42,000 and some in the marathon. Robin said she's just glad she didn't finish last.
Howard asked Benjy why he was bothering the kid for so long. Benjy said he wasn't doing anything wrong. Howard asked why he took Ambien last week when he was there. Benjy said he had used it before to get to sleep and he had a problem taking it too late so he's taking it earlier in the day. Benjy said he has started taking it as soon as he leaves there so he can go home and sleep. He said he's going to stop taking it completely.
Howard said he wasn't invited to Gary's book party. Gary said he did invite him and Beth had RSVPd. Howard said he didn't even know that. Gary said Beth said they were going to try and show up early.
Howard said Gary did a book reading at his book signing over the weekend. He said it was really boring too. Howard played some audio of it and goofed on Gary about reading too fast. Gary said the audio quality was awful and he was taking it out of context.
Howard said he likes Gary's book and he read the book. Gary said he didn't read it, he read the early version of the book. Howard said he's busy reading Bill Carter's book about Late Night TV (The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy) right now. Howard said Gary should read from that book instead.
Howard read some email he got about Gary's book and people are really liking it. Gary said he got a note last night that almost made him cry. He said that the guy's wife is bi-polar and it was making him so sad reading it.
Gary said he was on the Today show last week and he had a funny incident. Howard said he saw the interview and it was mostly about him and not about Gary. Howard said he didn't mind it so much but they were talking about him mostly. Gary said he was ready for a bunch of questions. Gary said when he got home he saw a guy in a gorilla suit walking behind him out on the street.
Gary said he was back stage at the show and Karl Rove was there. Christine O'Donnell was there too and her ass was kind of big. He said he got back in the green room and this hot reporter, Natalie Moralas, says hi to him and starts speaking to him in Spanish. She thought he was the Chilean Miner. Gary said the guy is 6 inches shorter than him but he did have the goatee going. He said he thought it was kind of funny.
Howard said he had to talk to this Shelley Lubben woman now. He said he has a bunch of stuff to get to today. Howard said they usually try to keep from having guests in on Monday but they have a couple. Chris Rock is going to be on too. Howard said Chris is out promoting this movie and he's acting like it's his. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Wolfie went out and interviewed some people about Gary's book cover. He just asked random people what they thought of it. He played some of that audio and one guy was mumbling and laughing at it. The guy was pretty much unintelligible but he was laughing at the book and joking about the name of it. Howard said he sounds like Soupy Sales doing ''White Fang'' on his show. Howard said Soupy is a guy he watched when he was growing up. He did an impression of that character he was talking about and it was similar to the guy Wolfie was talking to.
Howard wondered what kind of accent that was. He said he tuned out in the middle of it. He didn't understand what the guy was talking about.
Howard said he always assumed that he wasn't that much of a dick but now he gets it. He said Eric is a major pain in the ass and he's done with him. Fred said he thinks that Eric is just a malcontent. He's seen other midgets who aren't like this.
Howard said here hasn't been one thing with Eric that has gone smoothly. Howard said he's done with Eric now and he's not going to get him any more jobs or anything.
Howard said this IQ test bit costs them a lot of money. He said he's gone out of his way for Eric and now he's done with him. Robin said she's glad that Howard's eyes are finally opened now. Howard said the guy wastes their money and their time and the fans are glad he's done with him.
Howard read some email about Eric and everyone is glad he's done with him. Howard said when he's done with someone he's really done. He said he's bent over backwards for this guy and now he's done. Howard said the guy is one big trouble maker. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck about his IQ anymore and he doesn't want him on the show anymore. He asked if he had anything else to say before he says goodbye.
Eric said if the audience wants him to start respecting Howard then they have to respect him. Robin said ''F-you.'' She told Eric that he's been on TV shows and they've respected him just fine. Howard said that he got him laid too. He said the guy is so ungrateful and he's done with him.
Howard said that he's really done and he's not kidding. He asked Eric if he has anything to say. Howard said he wishes him luck with whatever he does and good luck getting laid. Eric said he didn't know what to say. Howard said of course not. He said that this bit was the easiest bit in the world and it couldn't be simpler. Howard said he's done being tortured by Eric. He said he makes everything difficult. Howard asked if he could just man up and not make it about himself for once.
Howard said Eric must have a normal IQ and it would have been fine. Eric said it's not like Howard doesn't do the same thing so it goes his way. Howard said he's wrong again and told Eric that he's really done. He said that he should call Jackie the Joke Man.
Gary said goodbye to Eric and asked him what 9x7 and 9x6 were. He had the answers this time. Howard said Eric has to have a calculator going. Eric said he didn't. Howard said he's done with Eric and he doesn't have time for this anymore. He said he can't keep going through this same thing over and over. He thanked him for being part of the show but they are done now.
Eric said he wanted to know ahead of time because he didn't want to sit there for weeks wondering. Howard said that's the whole point of doing it. Eric said stress is not good for him so he wanted to know. Howard said he's done with him now so he won't have anymore stress. Howard said everyone out there is applauding that this is Eric's last day. Eric said he wishes he could come there and slam JD's head into a wall. Howard said he doesn't want to stress him out anymore so he's just going to end this. Eric said he hates them all and told them all to go to hell. Then he hung up.
Howard said he likes Eric but he can't put up with this stuff anymore. Robin said Eric knew he wasn't supposed to get the results. Howard said he shouldn't have participated if he didn't want to play along. JD said he doesn't understand how Howard can like him. He said he hasn't done anything nice. Howard said he knows that but he likes him. JD said ''good riddance...''
Howard said he was on his iPad last night trying to watch some porn but he wasn't ale to get it. Gary told him to go to YouPorn.com instead of YouTube.
Howard asked Shelley if she was a big item in porn. She said she really wasn't. They didn't have YouTube back then. She said that there was some good money back then but now there are so many people out there that it's not as much. She said she did it all back then. Shelley said she did everything that they can imagine. She said she was young, dumb and stupid.
Shelley told Howard that her parents weren't very good at raising her. She said that she rebelled against her mother and that was with the help of Madonna. She said that her parents were busy and neglectful so they didn't do their job. She said she got into stripping and prostitution and then she got into porn. Shelley said she had someone tell her to try doing porn while she was stripping so she tried it.
Shelly said she was having sex in high school very early. She said her mom was buying her Playboy bunny outfits at 16 and doing stuff like that. She said she lost her virginity at 16. She had some sexual abuse at 9 years old and it was a teen boy and his sister who did it to her. She said she was traumatized and shocked by that. She said that the guy showed her his thing in the swimming pool. She said the sister got on top of her and rubbed on her. She said she was never the same after that.
Shelley told Howard how she was kicked out of her house at 18 and she had to go out on her own. She said she was homeless and some guy told her that he could get her some money. That led to her going into prostitution. She said her first trick paid her $35.
Howard asked Shelley about how that guy became her pimp. Shelley said that she was getting the affection she wanted from her father from these guys. She said she ended up broke again and ended up on the curb. She said she went out to shops asking guys if they wanted blow jobs. She said that one guy bled on her face and she's not sure what that was about. She said that the blood came from his penis. She said that scared her and she had to get out of that.
Shelley said she prayed to God to save her almost every day she was in the porn business. Shelley said that she was working her ass off in the business and people would tell her everything that was wrong with her. She said that she started to hate every man that ever hurt her. She said she turned to women for a while and became a lesbian.
Howard asked Shelley if the porn stars who say they love having sex are lying. She said she does think that they are. Howard said some women say they don't love fucking all of these guys but it is a business. Shelley said that they would take an opportunity to do something else if they had the chance.
Howard said they had some porn stars in there the other day and all three said that they love having sex. Robin said that one of the women loves making love to her fans and one of their fans called in and said that he had sex with her. Shelley said that she'd like to know the background of that woman's life. She said that kind of thing does happen though. She said she did some stuff like that herself.
Howard said that Shelley is trying to help other porn stars get out of the business. Shelley said that she got herpes from being in the business. She said that they do horrible, violent sex acts for 8 hours straight. She said that they don't even use lube and it's just horrible. Shelley said you just check out and you just take the beating and don't even realize it. She said that she got HPV and had to have half of her cervix removed from warts she got. She said that no one told her that it was something she could get. She said she had fluid filled warts all over her private parts. She also ended up with herpes in her throat from giving blow jobs. Shelley said that she had a 4 year old trying to take care of her and she wasn't even supposed to touch her kid because of what she was suffering from.
Howard asked if she tried to kill herself over this. Shelley said she tried to take prescription sleeping pills. She said she ended up at the hospital. She said she was brought to the hospital by her lesbian girlfriend. Shelley said she hasn't had an outbreak of Herpes in over 15 years now. She said that she shouldn't even be here today. She said that it was God's wisdom and his word that has taught her to survive. Howard said she was looking for answers and she found them. She said she tried AA but the 12 step thing didn't work for her.
Shelley said she went out and got a job after she got out of porn. She said that they educate people who are in porn to help them get away from all of that.
Howard said that Shelley's daughter is the product of prostitution. Shelley said that she's half Asian. Shelley said that condoms do break. She said she didn't get an abortion because she had some morality from being raised by a religious woman. She said that she wasn't able to hug her daughter for 12 years because of where she came from. Shelley said that she has 3 kids now and she's married. She said she came clean with her daughter and was very honest with her. She said that it teaches the kids too.
Shelley said that she told the John about getting pregnant but she's never let that man meet his daughter. Howard said this is an unbelievable story. She's got a book out called ''Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn: The Greatest Illusion on Earth.'' He said she has a web site too at ShelleyLubben.com.
Howard said that Shelley thinks she was possessed by the devil at one time. She said she knows she was. She told Howard that she has herself on tape growling.
Shelley said her husband is great and he's put up with all of this stuff. She said that they have great sex now and they invite God into the bedroom and he blesses it all. She said that she wasn't able to look in men's eyes until she met this man. She said that she wasn't able to love herself either but now she can.
Robin said that they had that Granny Anni in there the other day. Howard said she was 76 and even made love to the family dog. Shelley said she'd like to know what her history is and what her family life was. Howard gave her some more plugs and started to wrap up with her.
Howard told Shelley he's happy for her and that her life is straightened out. He said he hopes the next half of her life is good. Howard kept saying her last name wrong so Robin kept correcting him. Howard asked if she has implants. She said she does. They're a D-cup and she said the D is for Dumb. Howard said he doesn't know about the God thing but when you watch porn it does take you out of your relationship. He said that he was trying to find the Bree Olson porn and he wasn't able to find anything. He said that the iPad is bad news not being able to find porn. He had to end the interview and go to break after that.
Howard asked if he's doing the promotion because of that. Chris said that the studio must listen to the show all the time because they insisted that he do the show. He said he has a film in the works but they insisted that he do Howard's show.
Howard asked Chris if he has people in his life asking for money all the time. Chris said he does. He said there are relatives who ask him to buy their houses to hide them in their divorce. Howard asked how he says no to them. Chris said he has to get another number and not call these people back. Howard said he must start believing that Adam really loves him. Chris said he'd never buy a car like that. He said it must have been a $200,000 car. Howard said he must have spent like a million on those cars. Chris said he must have.
Howard said he gets why Chris stood him up for diner for Adam. Howard said he gets it now. He said he was a little insulted though. Howard said he's used to that. Howard said people say they will do something and then they don't do it. Howard said he'd be the same way if someone gave him a car like that.
Chris asked Howard what he's doing and if he's going to be staying there. Chris told Howard that he should get someone to fill in for him on Friday when he's not there. Howard said they do have Jay Thomas on Friday mornings. Howard said he will stay there but he doesn't want to work as many days as he is now. Howard said he'd like to do like 16 hours a week. He said that's 15 more than Oprah is doing there.
Chris said he listens to the show and he gets sucked into the show and listens to it and then realizes that it's an old show. Howard asked why it matters if they have an old show. Chris said they should put Gary in on Friday then. Howard said they did that and everyone complained.
Howard said he'd like to see Chris back on SNL every week. Chris said he gets the Fridays off but not the unannounced Mondays. He said he should have a recording of Dave Chappelle saying ''I'm rich, bitch!'' playing on those days.
Howard said he read that Chris Rock was offered a chance to be on the Cosby Show and he turned it down. Chris said he used to sneak into the show to watch them tape. He said the comedian that warmed them up was sick one day and he had snuck into the building. He said he was in there and someone had seen him at a comedy club and he asked him to do the warm up. He said it was a big break for him. Chris said he did his act for the audience but he wasn't smart enough to take out the controversy. He said he thought Fat Albert was racist so he did that material... for the Cosby Show audience. He said he was physically thrown out of the building. That was back in like 1986 or so. He said he was so Rupert Pupkin back then too. He said it was a true story though.
Howard said you'd think that Cosby would have a sense of humor about that. Chris said Cosby hated him for the longest time. Then in 1996 he was doing his big tour and Cosby asked for his face to be taken out of his special. He said that they're cool now.
Howard said he's heard that Cosby will lecture comedians. Chris said that happened with him. He said Cosby summoned him to his house and he went over for lunch. He said he brought a friend with him because Cosby is so smart. He said he went to his house and he's at ''another level of rich'' where he has two houses on one block. He said he was in the house he uses for entertaining. He said that Cosby gave him some books to read. He said that they were some heavy black books like telling you to get in touch with your blackness.
Howard gave Chris some plugs for the Grown Ups DVD and said that it comes out tomorrow.
Howard asked Chris if he believes that Whoopi is defending Mel Gibson. Chris said when Gibson used the N-word Adam called him up and said ''they've got you now...'' Howard thought that was pretty funny. Howard said that it's weird how guys like that and like Charlie Sheen start throwing the N-word around when they get angry. He said that Mel has so much money and success and he's yelling at this woman, Oksana, about how he hopes that she's got a pack of N-words chasing her. He said it's crazy.
Chris said that Mel Gibson was a nice guy when he worked with him. He said that he was the nicest guy he ever worked with. Howard asked Chris what he would do now if he saw him at a party and he came up to him. Chris said it's weird. He said he's not sure what he would do. Chris said the last time he saw Mel was at the Haiti telethon thing. He said he saw Jack Nicholson there and asked him if he had done the same thing for Pearl Harbor. He said he saw Mel across the room and he was with Sandler. He said he had to wait for Sandler to get distracted because Adam ain't playing that shit. Howard said he's with Adam on that. He said Mel is an anti-Semite so he gets that.
Chris said Mel gave him his first million bucks from doing that movie with him. He said he gave Mel a wave and that was about it. He said that was before the ''nigger'' thing though. He said that Mel spent the whole night talking to Steven Spielberg. Howard said that whole thing has to be weird.
Chris said he understands Mel's N-word more than he understands Michael Richards. He said that a woman can drive you to use that word. He gets that. Howard said the Charlie Sheen thing bothers him more. He said the guy is coked up and in the room with a hooker and he's in the room yelling out the N-word. He said it makes no sense.
Howard asked Chris about going to Greg Giraldo's wake. He asked if he was really close to him. Chris said he saw him a lot at clubs and stuff and he was a really good guy. He said that you never get a hotel room near the club you're at. He said it just leads to debauchery. Howard asked if he thinks that it was suicide or an accident. Chris said he thinks it was an accident. He said you just go home and not to a hotel room when you're at a club. Howard said that Greg seemed like a great guy. Chris said he was.
Howard gave Chris some plugs and Chris said that he'll see Howard whenever he feels like working. Howard said he works so much harder than Chris does. Chris said he gets the Friday off but not these Mondays. Howard said he works on Monday.
Howard told Chris about Robin's marathon run and about Gary's book. Chris said he has Gary's book and he will read it. Howard told Chris to carry on and they'll go to dinner at some point. He said he knows that Chris' wife still hates him. He said that she'd probably go to dinner with Mel Gibson before him. Chris said he doesn't think so although Mel did make him his first million. Howard let Chris go a short time later.
Howard said he only had sex once over the weekend. He said Beth wasn't home last night and he figured he should beat off. He said it was getting late and he had to watch Boardwalk Empire on HBO. He said he had the iPad in the bathroom so he put it on and figured he'd find some Bree Olson stuff on YouTube. Howard said he put in her name in YouTube and nothing pornographic was coming up. He said it was all Bree on his show and doing interviews. He said he went through all of this trouble to find it and there was no porn on YouTube. Gary said there is no porn on YouTube.
Howard said if you use the browser then you can't get Flash videos on the iPad. Gary said that YouPorn has stuff for the iPad but it's not in Flash. He said there are other sites that work with the iPad. Gary said that he could have gone on his computer to get porn and YouTube wouldn't have had it. Howard said he threw the iPad across the room and just beat off thinking about stuff instead. He said he doesn't do it that much anymore because he has Beth there all the time. Howard said he doesn't have to do it that much now.
Howard said he's not going to be like Tom Chiusano and not beat off at all. Gary said that Stuttering John used to cum in a sock and then reuse them. Howard said he's glad he's gone.
Howard said he understands what he has to do with the iPad now. He said he'll try that out sometime. Howard said they have Colin Quinn there so he had to get to him. Howard said his one man show is on Broadway now. He said the guy is really fast with his comedy mind too. He said that he said Gary looks like Ugly Betty's brother on the cover of his book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Howard said they have some of Gary's Audio Book CD to play today too. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song Fred was playing. Howard read that Mayor Bloomberg's daughter fell off another horse and broke her spine and blacked out. Howard said this isn't the first time she's fallen off. Howard said she was seriously hurt when she fell off. Howard said she has to stop doing that because she's got it made. Her dad is a billionaire. Howard read the article and found out that she's had at least 3 concussions from this horseback riding. Robin said that is a lot. She said she may have to stop.
Howard read that Keith Olbermann was suspended from CNBC over the weekend. He said that Keith had donated to some politicians and NBC said they don't allow their journalists do that there. Howard asked on what planet he's a journalist. Howard said he's an opinionist. Howard said that the guy is back as of tomorrow. Howard said it's ridiculous that the suspended him.
Howard said George W. Bush wrote a book and this really bizarre story acme out of it. Bush claims that his anti-abortion stance is because his mother had a miscarriage and she came home with the fetus in a jar to show it to him. Howard wondered what kind of person would keep the fetus in a jar. Howard read about that and how he was on the Today show talking about it with Matt Lauer. Howard found out that she had actually carried the fetus to the hospital, not home.
Howard said that's the greatest line ever. He said DiPaolo had some great lines too. He said he had a line about Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard asked if that's what they do all the time and just stand around busting balls. Colin said that is what they do. He said Ronnie was all pissed off at him when he got there. He said he was mad at him even though it was Nick that said the line about him.
Howard asked Colin about Gary's book and if he's doing one too. Colin said he's writing a book and he has a lot of sex stories. He said he started very young. He said when he was 5 he got caught in the backyard fingering the neighbor girl.
Colin said he has another great story that's his happiest moment of his lie. He said he was like 7 years old and this neighbor was hipster type. Colin said that he was going to make this ''Long Story Short'' which just happens to be the name of his one man show (ColinQuinnLongStoryShort.com). Colin went on to tell the story about how this neighbor had a lot of girlfriend and he let them have a sleep over at his place. He said that they had a fire going and the next thing he knows this guy has a tall blonde with him and they got her shirt off, pants down and they were all feeling her up. Colin said it was the 1960s so it was like a scene and he was hoping to give the kids a good feeling about sex. He said that they all got to finger her and it included the guy's kids. Colin said that would be considered abuse now but back then he was the greatest guy ever.
Colin said the guy did it a second time with a different girl. He said the kid had the greatest father. Colin said he was such a pervert himself. He said that it was the 60s so it was just different back then. Colin said that he was probably like Tommy Lee telling the girls to just take their shirts off. Howard said Colin has had an amazing amount of sexual experiences. He wondered if some people just attract that kind of thing.
Howard asked Colin how he even knew how to finger a girl. Colin said he doesn't know. Howard said he remembers a girl showing him the inside of her vagina and he didn't know what he was doing back there. He said he ''ran for zee hills'' back then.
Howard asked Colin if he's going to write about the cat licking peanut butter off his balls. Colin said that will probably be in there. Howard said he'll go to that book party. That led to them sharing more stories from Gary's book signing. They talked about how cheap Gilbert Gottfried has been all these years. Colin said that Gilbert used to take the bus to do Letterman.
Colin told Howard about Chris Rock and how he used to go to the sex booths there in the city and how they talked about how they were both going to stop going to them. Colin said that the next day he went to a booth and it was raining out. He said he pulled one door and as it opened Chris was there face to face with him. He said they just started laughing.
Howard had Sal come in and tell his story about a guy cumming on his foot at one of those booths. Howard said Sal still goes to those things. Howard said you don't need to go to those booths because of the internet.
Sal came in and told Howard that he does still go from time to time. He said it's like fast food for pussy or like going to a drive through.
Sal told the story about how some of the booths have areas where you can jerk off near other guys. Sal said they call these guys mongers. They look for other guys to jerk off near. Sal said that you have to look at the floor before you go into the booths. Colin agreed with that.
Sal said that he was jerking off in the booth once and there was a guy next to him watching him jerking off at the same time. He said that they had open windows there and the guy jerked off there. Sal said he's never had another guy jizz on his foot. He said he's jizzed on his own foot. Sal said that every guy that walks out of those places has the same look on their face. He said that they all look down and they look like they're full of shame.
Howard asked Colin if he was shocked that Chris got a new Maserati from Adam. Colin said that he was very happy for him. He was just kidding. Colin said that Rock and Spade both got cars. Howard said that Colin and Norm didn't get one. Colin said he was paid very well for the movie but he wishes in his heart of hearts that no one had gotten anything else. He said you just don't want other people to do well.
Howard brought up Colin's one man show and how it went from off Broadway to Broadway. Howard said maybe this will lead to something big. Colin said he's not sure about that because he tends to piss people off. He said he's not sure why but he just does that.
Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld came in and gave Colin some focus on this show and helped produce it. Colin said he loves Jerry but he took a lot of interest in the play and he really added a lot to it. He said Jerry did kind of get stuck doing it but he's been doing it all for no money. Howard said that Jerry must really like him.
Howard said that Robert De Niro is supposed to be coming to see him. Colin said that's what he heard but he's not sure if that's true. He said he would expect to see him there before he'll see Howard there. Howard didn't respond to that.
Howard asked Colin if he's going to go longer than 11 weeks if it does well. Colin said he'd like to take it all over the world and do it in Europe. He said that he does a bunch of shows during the week and then he has to do 3 on Saturdays. He said that's pretty tough. Howard asked if it's sold out for the 11 weeks. Colin said it's not so he has to sell some tickets. Howard said you can get tickets at Telecharge.com. Check out ColinQuinnLongStoryShort.com too.
Howard asked Colin about Greg Giraldo's death and if he knew Greg. Colin said he knew Greg pretty well and for a long time. He said he spoke at his wake too. Howard asked if he was funny or serious there. Colin said he was funny and that's what the family wanted. He said that Greg's brother got up after him and made everyone cry. Colin said that if he had bombed he probably would have gotten heckled.
Howard said he's happy about this book that Colin is working on. He said he's excited about that and he'd like to give him a moment to tell the audience whey they should go see this play. Colin said he didn't know... whatever. Howard said they had just run out of time. Colin said that it's a good night out for you and your wife. Colin then went on to say that his show is about all of the empires that have been around in history and he talks about the mistakes they make and how we're doing the same thing in this country. Howard asked when Seinfeld will be at the show. Colin said he'll be there tomorrow night because it's opening night. Howard asked Colin if he has a suit for opening night. Colin said he does. He said he'll be wearing that tomorrow night.
Howard said he saw Colin on FOX News talking to Governor Huckabee and he was doing promotion on that show. Howard said that Colin's publicist is doing really well with that stuff. Howard gave him some more plugs and said that you can see the show at the Helen Hayes theater. He also said that Seinfeld will be at the show tomorrow night so go out and check it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he's been. He said that he had tricked him up out in L.A. The guy said that he has been sending him all kinds of text messages. Colin wondered if that was Sal on the line. Howard didn't think it was.
Another caller asked why Tough Crowd got canceled. Colin said he thinks that it got canceled because of political correctness. He said it wasn't the ratings. Colin said he knows plenty of shows that had worse ratings that stayed on for a long time. Colin said he'd have to look at his files to figure out what they were though. Colin said he knows there are shows that had worse ratings. He said that his show was racially charged and that's why he got canceled.
Howard and Colin talked about Mel Gibson and how Colin doesn't get why he and Rock were so against it. He said that he wasn't saying anything that racist. He said it was wrong to say but it was more about Mel blaming the victim when he said that if she goes out dressed the way she was that she ''could be raped by a pack of nig*ers.'' They also talked about Charlie Sheen yelling out the N-word and why they think he did that. Colin was cracking up just thinking about it. Colin said that it was so funny that he started screaming it out for no good reason.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Colin talks for 75 minutes non-stop and it's great. She said that everyone will love it. Howard had to let her go after just a few seconds. Howard wrapped up with Colin a short time later too. He gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he always liked Stevie Nicks and he would have liked to have been her husband. He said he would have liked to have stayed home while she went out and made money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about Eric the Midget. He said he should reconsider because Eric makes the show. Howard said he likes Eric too but he can't go on like this. Howard said he likes Eric on the show but they put so much energy into this IQ thing and put money into it. He said they don't have a huge budget. The caller said that Eric ads so much to the show though. Howard said he knows. Robin said that this is no good for his health.
Howard had Eric on the phone again and told him that he's done with him. Eric said he's trying to keep himself in a place where he doesn't need heart surgery tomorrow instead of 3 or 4 years. Robin said that he shouldn't be on the phone then.
Gary asked why he didn't bring this up when he was on the phone the first time. Eric said he didn't know. Howard said that Eric said he wanted to be part of the IQ test but he was a pain in the ass with the whole thing. He said that he knew what they were doing and how they do stuff on this show. Eric just doesn't get it. Eric said he doesn't get the harm in each person knowing their IQ scores. Howard said he doesn't want the information getting out so they can bet on it and have some fun with it the day of the show where they reveal the IQs. Howard said it doesn't work the way Eric wanted to do it.
Eric said he was the one who prompted the whole IQ test thing. Howard said he doesn't want to speak to Eric anymore so he has to just stop calling in. Howard said if Eric just said ''I get it'' right now then they'd have no problem. Howard asked what it's going to be. Eric said he's going to get the IQ score and not call in. Howard told him to go do it and never call back again. He said that the day he gets that score he's never going to pick up his call again.
Howard said Eric is the only person who is the problem. He's always the problem. He said he can't just sit back and not be a pain in the ass. He said everyone else is fine doing it the way they want. Howard asked if Eric sees the pattern there. Eric said no. He said he wasn't even in town the day they did the test the first time. Gary said that Jason explained it all to him. Eric said he's not lying about anything. Howard said it's been great knowing him but he has to let him go.
Howard said he's sure Eric will have all kinds of TV show offers and everyone will introduce him to American Idol chicks. He said it's been nice knowing him. Eric said that he's been asked to call into Opie and Anthony. Howard told Eric to go ahead and do it. He said they'll be better at handling him he's sure.
Gary asked if Eric thinks that they're the problem. Eric said he's not that difficult. Howard said ''bye'' to him again and said that he'll survive somehow without him. Eric didn't have anything to say. Howard wished him a long and healthy life. Eric said ''Bye for good...''
Eric said that this wouldn't have been a problem if the doctor hadn't said anything. Howard said it's a waste of his money and time to do this if he's not going to play the right way. Howard said this is all a waste of time. Howard said even if Eric agreed to it now, in two days they'd hear from him again that he's not going to play along.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he took the test and didn't give them a hard time. Howard said of course that's the way he did it. Eric told him to shut the fuck up. Eric shot back at him and told Eric that he has to shut the fuck up. Howard said High Pitch might be smarter than Eric because he understands the game.
High Pitch told Howard to hang up on Eric. Howard said he's going to take his advice and do that. Eric told High Pitch to go fuck himself again. The two of them went back and forth with each other for a few seconds. High Pitch told him to just take the test. Howard said that he already took the test. Howard wanted to end this but the two Eric's were still going at each other.
High Pitch told Eric not to waste Howard's time if he doesn't like him. Robin said that's a good question. High Pitch said they treat him like gold on that show. Eric said they call him names on the show so how is that treating him like gold. Gary said he has to fight back when he calls him ''Ape Face.''
Howard asked Eric to say goodbye. He said ''Bye assholes...'' Howard said this guy just doesn't get it. Howard said he's trying to tell Eric he can't work with him and he's calling him an asshole.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted Johnny Fratto banned from the show too. Howard said he likes Johnny so there's no reason to ban him.
Brian said he told the guy he didn't want to do this. He warned the guy about it. Brian said he gave him a warning and turned around. Then he felt something else hit him. He said the guy had the same look in his eyes. Brian said the guy asked what he was going to do so he plowed the beer right into his face. He said everyone spread out and a circle opened up. The guy did nothing.
Brian said he turned around again and asked another guy to stand between them. Nothing happened for like 2 minutes and security showed up and told him to leave. He said that he said he wouldn't leave until the other guy left. Then some guys noticed who he was and told security who did the stuff. They got that guy thrown out. Brian said that the guy was walking toward him on his way out and his buddies pulled him away before he got to him. That was the end of it.
Brian said that he got into another fight at a concert once and he knocked out a couple of guys who were with this chick who had come up to him in the mosh pit. Richie Wilson had a different take on that story and said that he did knock the chick out in the mosh pit. Brian said he never starts anything. He said that it's the other people who start in with him.
Brian told Howard he missed Roger Waters ''The Wall'' show too. Howard said he was invited to go see it but he was busy doing other stuff. Howard said h wants Roger to come in and do it at his house. Brian said he heard about the show and how great it was.
Howard let Brian go and said he didn't picture him as a dancer. The Howard TV guys had some video of him dancing with some Miss Howard TV girl. Howard said he wasn't bad. Gary said that Brian came to the book party and he could hear him from a mile away. Brian said he was drunk. He apologized to him for showing up drunk like that.
Howard said he saw ''Red'' too and that sucked. Howard said he doesn't know what they were thinking with that movie. Howard said they ruined that. He said that Splice is worth seeing. He said it's the greatest thing veer. He said that it would be great if they could really splice DNA together like they did in this movie. Howard said they did some wild stuff. He said that it was kind of a chick with tits and chicken legs with all kinds of other animals mixed in. Robin said she has to take a look at this. Howard said he wants to tell Robin the end.
Howard said he heard that they spliced the DNA between a spider and a goat for some reason. They spent a minute talking about that. Benjy had some more information on that. He said it happened like 13 years ago. There were some other DNA experiments they went over as well. They were talking about getting a woman to mate with an ape and that led to Fred playing some of Gary's ape sounds.
Steve said they have a story about George Takei's anti-bullying PSA and he calls some bully a douche bag in the PSA. Steve said that Conan O'Brien is back on tonight but he's apparently not doing the Stern Show. Howard said maybe he's angry about the Jackie Puppet thing. Gary said he had lunch with the producer before they moved to L.A. and now they won't come on. He said that he's still working on getting Conan on. Howard said he is more sympathetic for Conan now that he's read this Bill Carter book ''The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy.'' Howard said he read about how much he had to put up with over the years.
Steve said they have a replay of the Baba Booey music special show that Sal put together a few months ago. Howard asked Gary why they have music playing in his audio book. Gary said they start the chapters off with music sometimes. Jon Hein said they actually play music behind him when he's reading his lists. Howard had some of that audio to play so he started in with that but said that it was really annoying. Howard played some of that and then noticed that Gary was typing with this two fingers and pointed that out. Howard said he has to take a typing class. He said Gary doesn't know where anything is. He said he's moving pretty fast for someone who types with two fingers though. Howard, Robin and Fred were all goofing on Gary about his audio book and the lists he has in there.
Gary came in and said that if Robin is going to talk about his dull book then he's going to talk about her book. Howard told him to do that on his own show. Howard played more of Gary's audio book and goofed on him some more about this list of songs that sound good on a juke box. Howard didn't understand why he would write something like that. He told Gary to stick to the shit about his mother and his brother. Howard, Robin and Fred just kept doing their impressions and goofed on Gary for a few more minutes. Howard wondered who thinks about this stuff.
Howard played some of Gary's MTV audition tape. He goofed on Gary about the words he didn't pronounce correctly. Howard threw in the Baba Booey as well. Gary asked Howard if he has auditions that he's embarrassed by. Howard said he pre reads the copy. Gary said they just gave it to him so he couldn't pre-read. Howard said he improved at least. Gary hasn't based on this audio book. Gary said ''Goodbye forever!'' like Eric the Midget did. Howard laughed.
JD came in and told Howard he had Gary's list of desert island albums. He said those are the albums that he thinks would hold up over time. Howard said Gary did nothing all those years he was listening to music. He said he didn't become a critic or anything like that. He said it's a huge waste of time. Gary disagrees. He said that he would ask gusts about stuff like that in pre-interviews. Howard didn't seem to think it was worth it.
Howard played Gary's 10 records he'd bring to a desert island. Howard said he'd throw a coconut at him. Gary went through his list in the clip and Howard goofed on him as he listened.
Howard saw Sal out in the hall goofing on Gary. He encouraged him to do that for a minute but then said that he should turn it off so he doesn't encourage it more.
Howard kept goofing on Gary's audio book and wondered how he's going to play these albums on a desert island. They were figuring that he'd play records like the Flintstones did with a bird and a coconut. Howard said he's had enough. Robin was hanging on every word. Howard said he had to get out of there. Robin said he didn't finish a thought in there. Howard did a rewind and found the spot she was talking about. Gary was referring to a story earlier in the book so that's why he didn't finish his thought.
Howard asked Steve what else he had. Steve got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons show which is on at Midnight tonight.
Howard had Jon Hein come in after that. He asked Jon what he thought of the whole list thing. Jon said it makes sense if you listen to the whole book. Jon then ran down his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard said he heard that Jon took his IQ test. Jon said he thinks he choked on a couple of questions. He said that he knows he got some wrong. Scott DePace laughed when he heard that. Jon said he's not sure what it'll mean for his score. Howard said they'll find out soon. They went to break after that.
Robin read about how the McDonald's kids meals are not healthy and people just don't understand that. Robin said they looked at a bunch of kids meals from fast food restaurants and they found that they're not healthy. She said that teens eat a lot of calories when they eat out at restaurants like that.
Robin read about Mayor Bloomberg's daughter getting injured in a fall from a horse. She read the details of her injuries and how she was knocked unconscious.
Robin read about Daylight Savings Time and how the country is split on the usefulness of it. Robin said that some people say it's worth the hassle but some don't. Robin read some details of that study and most people have never had a problem with the setting of the clocks.
Robin read a story about a family that was found after they were lost at sea for 6 days. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would want to go out on a boat like that. Robin said they found the family on Saturday after they were lost on the 31st of October. They were in a 13 foot aluminum book. That led to Howard doing his Gary impression and playing songs that sound good in an aluminum boat. Robin said the family were treated for hypothermia and malnutrition.
Robin had some audio of President Obama making a speech over in India. Howard played some of that and said he had no idea that India was even in Asia. He said he would be a terrible president. Robin had some other clips to play from various politicians.
Robin read about a list of overpaid actors that was printed in Forbes Magazine. Will Ferrall was right up at the top of that list. Robin said Eddie Murphy, Denzel Washington, Seth Rogen and Tom Cruise were also up near the top of that list.
Robin read about Michael Jackson having some new music out this week. Robin said she's not sure how it'll sound on the juke box though. Robin had some of the new song ''Breaking News'' that Howard played. They didn't have any of Michael in the clip they had.
Robin read about how Megamind was the number one movie at the box office this weekend. She had some audio of the director talking about the movie. Howard played about a second and said he has no desire to hear from the director of a cartoon.
Robin read about how ''The Colored Girl'' was the number 3 movie at the box office. She had some audio of one of the stars of that movie talking about it. Howard let that play through a little bit.
Robin read about Denzel Washington's new movie and had some audio of him talking about how he was really on the top of the train in that movie running around.
Robin read about how Karina Smirnoff is engaged to Brad Penny. Howard said she's on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said she was the dance partner of The Situation. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Gange said that 4:30 rolls around and no one had seen her. Gange said that they had a bunch of people watch for her and no one had seen her. He said that Lisa G pointed out another black woman and it wasn't Robin. Gange said the NY Road Runners told them that Robin had crossed about 20 minutes ago. Gange said that they figured that she ran off another way.
Jon asked what he does in a situation like that. Gary said it sounds like they did what they could. Gange said they were stuck in the press line so they wouldn't have had the shot even if they went back and looked at tape.
Gange said that Robin looked a little banged up at mile 16. He said that she was starting to get slow around that time. Gange said that her miles kept getting longer and longer and she was getting slower and slower. He said she finished like an hour after Jared from Subway. Gange said they interviewed him and he had to take a bite of a Subway sandwich as soon as he crossed the line. He said it was crazy.
Jon asked Gange about Howard talking about his 20th anniversary there and if it stings when Howard says it's hard to believe he's still there and it's all been worthless. Gange said it did sting a little bit.
Gary asked Gange how the Today show figured out where Al Roker was. Gange said they may have more pull than they do. Gange said that Robin had a Flip camera to use during the run but she probably didn't have the chance to use it.
Gary asked Gange about the run they used to do around the reservoir. He said that Gange did it with them one year and they had Melrose Larry there and Gange was the last one to finish. He lost to a guy in a wheelchair. Gange said Robin lost to a guy in a wheelchair who has CP and was going backwards.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin was doing a story about fast food and how it's not good for teens and children. He said Robin has no idea what it's like to have kids and how sometimes you just have to go with fast food. Gary said he disagrees with him on that. He said that Just because Robin doesn't have kids doesn't mean that she can't try to help. He said that she's trying to change people's way of thinking.
Jon said that he finds it hard to believe that people think that fast food is good for you. Benjy said maybe it's like drunk driving because years ago it wasn't so bad but now it's really frowned upon and you can get into big trouble for it. Gary said that he might be right about that. Some day people may see the light and know that fast food isn't good for you.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is saying that desert island and not deserted island. He said there could be a desert island with a record store in the middle of it. That led to the guys going back and forth with that for a few seconds.
Jon brought up how Robin, Howard and Fred were all piling on top of him about his audio book. Gary said he knew it was coming but today he just couldn't take it. He said he's going to bring in Robin's book and read about all of her nutty stuff. Jon asked what set him off today. Gary said that it was all of them together and they just wouldn't let it go. He said Robin doing her impression is really just her doing an impression of Howard doing his impression of him so that's annoying too. He said it was just too much for him today.
Gange said that those are the moments on the show that he loves the best. He said when Howard does that voice it just makes him crack up so hard. Gange said he loves that stuff.
Jon asked Gary why he won't take typing lessons. Gary said he has but they didn't work. He said it might be too late for him to learn at this point. Gary said that no one took typing in high school when he was in school. Gary said that people didn't start until computers were out. Jon said he thinks that typing was a requirement when he was in school. JD said he took it freshman year. Teddy said he had it in grammar school. Benjy said he didn't have to take it but he could have. Gary and Jon were talking about trying the Mavis Beacon thing to learn.
Benjy said he types like Gary but he can type without looking at the keyboard. Gary said if he and Benjy had a competition they'd be pretty close.
Jon said he was surprised that Fred got under Gary's skin today. Gary said he thinks that Fred just does it because it's his job. He said he's not mad at Fred for what he did.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked Gary about doing the Today show and how odd he looked in the previews of his interview. Gary said that he held up his cup and it looked fake and stupid. He said he knows he fucked that up. He said he was looking for something to do and it just didn't work for him. The caller thought Gary did it as a goof of Stuttering John. Gary said that's not what he was going for. She told Gary that he looked good on the show and overall it was a great interview.
Gary said that they did spend a lot of time talking about Howard. He said that it was great for selling books too. He didn't notice the gorilla outside either. Gange said that was great.
Gary said they have a very loose attitude over there. He said they just sort of do their thing. He said it was really nice. Gary said he spoke to Meredith during one of the breaks and no one minded.
Jon said he did the show once and he thought it was odd having people staring at him from outside. Gary said he and Christine O'Donnell were sitting there and laughing when they did their intros. He said they were both saying they weren't really nervous either.
Teddy said that Benjy told him he had taken a bunch of pills that day. He was worried about him too because he looked like he was really out of it. Gary said that Will was worried about that because he thought he might have a ''problem'' with Ambien.
Gange said that Benjy's friend Maryann told him that Benjy had screamed at her that day. Benjy said they do that all the time. Jon said that Benjy was talking in a weird way on Thursday and he wasn't understanding what he was saying. Benjy said he's done with that stuff now. He said he's not going to bother using it anymore.
Gary said he used to take Ambien and it would make him feel really weird. He said that he used to break one in half and that's not good either. He said it's supposed to be a time release and if you break it then you're getting too much of it. He said he'd get a huge headache if he did that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard and the guys goof on Gary in his personal life. Gary said they really don't. He said that Jackie would do that kind of stuff though.
Gary said that Howard brings it up all the time about Chris' wife not liking him. Jon asked if there's any way to patch that whole thing up. Gary said he's not sure there is. He said that Chris really likes the show but maybe his wife doesn't. He said it sounds like his wife isn't budging.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Chris complaining about Howard's work days and stuff. Gary said he found it pretty funny that he wants Howard there all the time because the fans need him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Chris doesn't like Howard. He said he only listens to the show because he doesn't like him. He said Chris hates the use of the N-word and Howard has been using it a lot. Gary said that this guy is wrong because Howard hardly uses the word anymore. The caller said Chris hates the word and he's said that in interviews.
Jon played the clip of what this guy was talking about. Howard was talking to Chris about the N-word and using it with Chris.
After that clip Jon said Howard did use it but he was quoting Charlie Sheen. The caller said he gets that but he still doesn't think Chris likes hearing that word come out of a white man's mouth. Benjy said he feels there is some there is some tension in there at times.
The caller asked about Howard's voice back at WNBC and why it's so different. Gary said Howard has talked about that thousands of times and it's basically that he was more nervous back then so his voice had more tension on it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she can't wait for Gary's book to come in the mail. She said they're big fan's of Gary's on Facebook. She said that they're from the Stern Facebook Superfans. Gary said that he had a lot of people telling him that Matt Lauer had set him up with that pitch clip but he really didn't think of it that way. He said he was just doing his job. They had to go to break a short time later.
A caller said that this Shelley is like these smokers that try to stop other people from smoking. He said that Howard may have missed out on something too because her years didn't match up. He said that all of her dates were wrong and he's not sure if she even knows when this stuff was happening.
Steve Brandano said that she was turning tricks before porn so that's where the daughter's age came in. They were doing some math and figured that she was fine. They told the caller that he may be putting too much thought into that stuff.
The caller said he had to throw out his breakfast when she talked about her throat herpes. The guys all said that was pretty gross.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was on the show a few years ago and played Win Fred's Money with his wife. He said that this woman Shelley is transferring everything to God and it really doesn't seem like she's changed that much. He said there are so many other causes she could be working at and she's wasting it on this porn stuff. He said most people in porn love the business. The caller said that tons of girls love the sex and he's fucked a bunch of them. He said he was upset when Bree Olson won the biggest whore competition. He said that she's hot and all and he's fucked her but it's not real. He said that Ava Devine is real.
Jon said that this caller and JD have like minds. JD was shaking his head in agreeance with the caller. Gary asked JD if he would do porn if he was offered the chance. JD said no. He said he likes porn but he wouldn't do it. JD said he wouldn't direct it unless nothing was going on. He said that's not his first option in life.
Benjy asked why anyone would buy porn these days. The caller said that they're all hanging on for their lives. He said that it's not easy now because there is so much free stuff out there.
Gary asked how a porn star makes money. The caller, voodoo, said that they get paid for scenes. He said that they don't pay the girls like they used to. He said there are a lot of 18 year olds out there right now who are willing to fuck. He said he could fuck a ton of 18 year olds if he wanted to. He said he gets paid $1,500 a scene to do them. He said he has a big cock and he can blow a load bigger than Peter North.
Voodoo asked Gary if he would rather be anonymous or sell books. He said when they bug him on the air his books are selling. He said that shit sells books. Gary said he likes being on the air and being a minor celebrity. He said he wouldn't want to be completely anonymous. Jon let Voodoo go after that.
Another caller asked Gary if it was his idea to put the lists in the book. Gary said it was. He said that he was going to do a book of lists and he had them ready to go right from the start. The caller said he doesn't understand what the point of them is. Gary said that's okay. He said that there are probably 6 lists in the book of lists. He said you can skip them easily if you want.
Jon said that Eric pisses off Gary more than anyone else out there. Shuli said he pisses him more off than any other midget in a wheelchair, that's for sure.
Jon said that it's obvious that Howard really has had it with Eric. He said that Eric still manages to piss him off when it comes to that stuff.
Shuli said he thinks that Eric doesn't ruin the show and he brings so much to it. Gary said that he just pisses everyone off though. Gary said he called the Malouf brothers to get Eric into a show out by him and Eric left him a message saying it had better not be a practical joke. He said he remembers thinking about what a little shit he was. That was early on too and they weren't even fucking with him back then. Benjy said they do fuck with him a lot now. That's probably why he gets so worried about it being a scam.
Shuli said that Gary once got Ralph some tickets to KISS and he came in and complained about them not being close enough the next day.
Another caller said that he felt that Howard was really upset with Eric and he hopes that they're not going to have him on again. Shuli said he's not sure that he's done calling in. He could call in tomorrow and Eric could be back on the show. Gary said that if Eric demands the IQ test score then he's going to give it to him and Howard is never going to speak to the guy again.
Another caller said they should bring back the balloon issue and make him fly with balloons to get back on the show. Gary said they should do that and read the IQ score and blow his head up at the same time. Shuli said they could make him do red carpet interviews while doing all of that too.
Another caller said they can't get rid of Eric. He said that he's just too good. Shuli said he loves the way Eric tweaks Gary so much lately. Gary said he's really not on edge because of the book either. He said that it's been piling up all this time and it's finally getting to him. JD said that he's glad Eric is gone because he's never said or done anything nice. Gary said he even had that threat to go to another show like it was going to matter. Gary said that threat was half assed and it didn't mean anything.
The guys talked about how funny Colin is as a comedian. Gary said the guy is brilliant. He said he's great at the roasts and all of that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary looks like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite on the cover of his book. Shuli said there's a lot going on there with that picture. He said they were trying to figure out what's going on with the shirt and what the design is on there.
The guys spent a minute talking about how the iPad isn't supposed to be for porn and that's how Apple is marketing it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Chris Rock would be happy that he's there live this morning. Howard said they have a lot to get to today. He said he wanted to give his love to Bubba the Love Sponge who was out sick yesterday. He said it was nothing serious. He said he knows Bubba sent him a note about that but he's not sure what it was. Howard said the guys filled in for Bubba and it was kind of weird. He said Spice Boy is good but you do need Bubba there. Howard said he needs them all together.
Howard said they did try it there once with Robin and Fred filling in. He said it didn't really work. Fred said that Howard is the best and they can't do it without him. Fred said he may not have a high IQ but he knows what Howard is trying to tell them. Howard said he would like to know what Fred's IQ is. Fred said he doesn't want to know.
Robin said she'd like to know what it is and she thinks that it's in the genius level. Howard said he would like to know what Fred does all day long. Robin said he reads, plays music, interacts with his daughter, works out and more. He has a well rounded life from what she's seen. Howard said maybe he runs secret missions for the Navy as a US Navy Seal.
Howard said Fred must fill his life and he doesn't seem to get bored. Fred said it's rare for him to get bored. He said he grew up by himself so he had to entertain himself. Howard said he was kind of the same way. He said his parents were around but he had to entertain himself. Fred said he had no one in the neighborhood to play with. He said he was probably an angry kid. Howard asked if he ever did anything to hurt himself. Fred said he never did anything like that.
Howard said he didn't want to go any further with this. He said he could hear radios turning off. Fred said this should all do well for his resume if Howard ends the show in 2 months. Howard said he should be fine. He could go back to doing top 40.
Howard said he was sensing dry mouth from Fred. Fred said he could use a swig of coffee. Howard said he needs water, not coffee. Coffee dries him out.
Howard asked Fred what he was hired to do there at WCCC in Hartford. Fred said he was doing other stuff there and everyone had quit so they threw him in there. He said he only had 2 days of that crap anyway. He said he wouldn't want to do that stuff. Howard said he can't see Fred doing it. Howard said he doesn't know how to do it himself so he was always admiring guys like Booker going out and doing it.
Howard said he heard that Jim Kerr got an interview with Conan. He said that they flew in a bunch of DJs to interview him since his new show started last night. Howard said he had no idea. He said he didn't see any hype for the show at all.
Howard said that Robin's tracking device didn't show that she finished the race. Robin said she has some people who saw her at the end of the race. She said she can prove that she finished with Josh. Howard said he believes her but other people don't. Howard said there were 5 people who didn't see her at the end and they were looking for her. Robin said she did finish the race.
Robin said that she will call this guy Richard and he'll tell them that she finished. He's one of the guys from the NY Road Runners Club and he hugged her at the end. Howard said as long as she knows she finished then it's good.
Fred said they have all of Robin's times listed on some web site and they have it all broken down. He said it looks like it got tougher and tougher as the miles went by. Howard asked if she tried to run too fast at the start. Robin said she doesn't think she did. Robin said someone told her she did go out too fast doing 10:30s in the beginning.
Howard said Robin thought she was an elite runner. Fred read up on what she did and once she got into the 25-30K mode it was taking an hour to finish. Fred broke it down for Howard and told him that pretty much doubled up her time.
Howard said Robin would have had some good time if she had been able to keep up that pace. Robin said she had to go get a bagel too. She said that took a few minutes to do. Howard asked if they timed that. Fred said they don't break that down.
Howard said Robin did a great job so good for her. Robin said her coach told his wife that she ran a great half marathon. Robin said the problem was that she was actually running a full marathon. Howard said he could never do that. He said maybe if you put a gun to his head he could. Fred said Howard is a good runner so he could do it. Howard said he was injured when he ran with Robin. She said he was good though. She said the basics are there.
Robin said the winner had a 2:08 time. Howard said he saw that. That's really fast. Howard said the guy is 5'8'' tall and weighs 120 pounds. He said that's crazy.
Howard read some email about Robin's run. She had a lot of positive feedback about the run. Then there were the people who thought she didn't actually finish. Howard said that they thought that the only person who saw her finish was her coach. Robin said that's just not true.
Howard had some email about Eric the Midget. He said he's been thinking about how much they have given to Eric and how they have even more stuff for him but they just can't put up with the IQ test thing. Howard said he's really done with him. Howard read through the email he had about Eric. Some people are glad he's done. There were some who said it was the best day ever that he was finally done without him. There were people saying that he thinks he's better than everyone else and that's just not right. Some people really hate Eric. Robin said it seemed like an avalanche of hate for Eric. Howard said there was one pro and the rest were con.
Howard played some of the audio from Gary's audio book challenge contest. He had a bunch of edited together clips of Gary talking about taking it in the ass from Jon Hein and things like that.
Howard said Gary and Jon Hein are very close. He said that he was walking in behind Jon Hein the other day and he saw that he's gotten very big. He said he has big, thick legs and he was wearing a big leather jacket. He said he figured they needed about 87 cows to get the leather for that jacket.
Howard played some more of the edited audio from Gary's ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' audio book.
Howard read some email about the lists they read yesterday and how Colin Quinn was making fun of Gary. One person wondered how Gary's wife puts up with him all day long. Howard said one person suggested a list of songs that sound good on an elevator. Howard said someone agreed with Gary about the music that they play on a juke box. Howard said there were some people who think that only about 3 people could be interested in those lists in his book. Howard said he liked Gary's book but it seemed like they crow barred the lists into it. Howard said that's basically what he did because Gary had pitched a book of lists and that got thrown into this book. Howard said even Beth wondered what the lists were all about. Howard said it doesn't make any sense.
Robin said that Gary talks about being part of the Columbia House record club. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who was in that club.
Howard played some of Gary's Audio Book where he just starts in with one of these lists in the middle of a chapter where he's talking about his mother's mental illness and his brother dying. Howard went into his Gary impression and started making fun of the lists like he did yesterday. Robin was doing her impression of Gary too. Howard had Fred playing ''Billy Don't Be a Hero'' since that was one of the songs Gary had mentioned in one of his lists. Howard listened to the lyrics of the song trying to hear the story. He didn't want to hear the whole thing. Gary said that song was just one of those songs from the days when he was growing up. He said that's all he was trying to show in that list. Fred asked if Frank Cramer's ''Last Kiss'' was on that list. Gary said it wasn't. There was a Harry Chapin song on there. Howard asked about a few other songs and if they were on the list. Gary didn't remember the whole list. He said he could have filled 20 pages with bad songs.
Howard went over some other songs that weren't on his list. He asked Gary why he didn't put those on the list. Gary said he couldn't put every song on there. Howard said even with the lists as dumb as they are, he doesn't get why he didn't have some of them on the list. Howard said he hears Gary's lists and it drives him nuts. He said he can't listen to the audio book because of that. He said he'd buy the book instead of listening to Gary trying to talk. He said it makes him want to throw up.
Howard said he heard Gary trying to say ''Voila'' on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said Gary didn't know what the word was. Robin knew what it was. Howard played the clip of Gary trying to say ''voila'' and he said ''vi-oh-la.''
Howard said Gary had a Record World play list in his book. He played the audio book section of that and wondered what it meant when he said those songs reminded him of working in the record store. Robin understood what he was talking about. Howard didn't get it. Howard and Gary ended up arguing about the lists because Howard found them all stupid.
Howard asked Gary to put together a list of songs that start with the letter R. Gary came up with a bunch within seconds. Howard did his impression of Gary coming up with the list and explaining it in his book. Robin and Fred were doing their impressions of Gary too.
Howard asked how Gary got away with making up these lists. Gary said he had them made up already and he put them in the book. Howard suggested a bunch of lists that Gary could come up with. Gary said he gets it and he doesn't have to keep coming up with more and more.
Howard played more of Gary's lists and he'd cut it off and make up more dopey lists. Howard and Robin were cracking each other up with their goofing. Howard was making lists of lists from Gary's book. They were making fun of Gary for throwing in a Gilbert O'Sullivan song too. Howard asked if Gary put a lot of thought into those lists. Gary said he didn't labor over it but he did spend a lot of time on it. Gary said he didn't pull out books and look up songs from those times.
Gary said something about a couple of Harry Chapin songs, ''Taxi'' and ''Cats in the Cradle,'' and said that Cats was probably a bigger song than Taxi was. Howard said he's sure Gary is wrong about that. Gary came in with proof that ''Taxi'' only went to number 24 and ''Cats in the Cradle'' went to number 1. Robin said Gary loves those lists and counting records. Gary said he does love to be right about stuff like that.
Howard came up with a list of singers who look Jewish but aren't. Howard threw in Getty Lee not knowing that he was actually Jewish. Howard then said he'd change the list to rock stars who look Jewish and are Jewish. Howard said he could have a list of guys who are Jewish but don't look Jewish. Howard said if he writes another book he's going to have lists like Gary too.
Howard asked Gary why his tongue is in his cheek. Gary said he had egg in his cheek from breakfast. Gary also told Robin and Howard about ''Billy Don't Be A Hero'' and how it was about the Civil War not the Vietnam war.
Howard played more of Gary's audio book where he talks about the songs that reminded him of working at Record World. Howard said he could kill Gary after hearing this stuff.
Gary said that he should know if he's going to be on the NY Times Best Seller list this week. He said that the publisher isn't saying anything. He's hoping that he's at least in the top 10. He said he'd love to be in the top 5 though. Gary said that Keith Richards' book has been selling a lot from what he heard. Howard said he doesn't want Keith Richards point of view in a book. He said he just doesn't want to hear it.
Howard played more of Gary's audio book and counting down the songs in the record World List. Howard said he's giving so much meaningless information. It's supposed to be bonus material but it's meaningless. The list went on and on. Howard said he loves the comments Gary threw in there. He was throwing out the ''shit'' word and he was so loose. Howard said after he leaves radio he thinks Gary is going to be back at Record World. Robin said there isn't one now. Howard said he's just going to stand there waiting for it to come back.
Robin wondered if those songs are songs he listened to or what he was selling at Record World. Howard said they just remind him of working there. Robin wondered why he remembered some as selling well and some he doesn't explain. Howard said he seems to wait 3 or 4 songs before he comments. Gary said he was just adlibbing that stuff.
Howard went back to the start of that clip and came up with some more goofy list ideas. Howard, Robin and Fred were goofing on Gary again about the list. They came up with more and more lists for Gary to come up with.
Howard also played another clip of Gary's audio book where he was talking about the best of the bad ''story telling songs.'' Howard said he's surprised they didn't bring these lists up on Letterman or the Today show.
Howard played another clip of Gary reading through the list of songs he'd bring to a desert island if he was stuck on one. Howard said there were a lot of comments in that one. Howard played that one and goofed on Gary about what he was saying in that one. Howard said Gary is a fucking zero and he hired a maniac. Howard asked what the fuck he was talking about in that clip. Howard said you'd think that Gary would have been inspired to pick up a guitar or something. He did nothing with that love of music. Howard said he likes when Gary says ''I don't know what to say'' but then he goes on talking for 10 minutes.
Howard said even if Jesus Christ came back and gave him a list of his favorite songs he's not sure he'd care. Gary said Spyder Harrison told him he liked the lists. Gary asked if it was really 7:04. Howard said he's been talking about this for 45 minutes now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's not as fascinated by the lists as Howard is. He said that Gary shouldn't have put the lists in the book at all.
Another caller said he just took all of his negotiating power away from Mel Karmazin because he has 5 years of material now. He can talk about it, come up with contests and more. Howard said he likes that Gary pitched a book about lists and they turned it down.
Howard asked Gary why he has a different Eminem album in his book and in his audio book. Jason came in and told Howard about the two different albums. Howard asked how he explains that. Gary said it was a mistake. He said he has to go back and look at it to figure it out. He said he likes the one with the song ''Cleaning out my closet'' which was ''The Eminem Show'' album. Robin threw in a quick ''Baba Booey'' after that.
Howard heard a sentence from Gary that made no sense to him at all. It was something like ''They went from a pop band to the band we all know and remember them for...'' Robin was dying laughing when she heard that. Howard said Gary shouldn't have adlibbed.
Howard played more of that audio and had Robin cracking up some more. Gary was talking about the songs that still held up for him and Robin was just dying laughing. Gary was saying he has to like Sinatra and he asked ''what do you want out of my life?'' Howard said that was enough of that. He said he had heard enough. He gave Gary some plugs for his book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and the Audio Book CD. They're also doing that Audio Book Challenge contest so Howard threw in a plug for that as well.
Howard played some of the edited audio of Gary's book that Richard must have put together. He had Gary talking about getting fucked by guys and things like that.
Robin read some of the story and said that he could get the death penalty. Howard said if he had just done it 20 miles from where he did it, he could have gotten away with not getting the death penalty. Howard said he doesn't like that they have guys watching the death row guys so they don't kill themselves. He said they should let them kill themselves.
Gary said some of those guys can make weapons out of the most ridiculous things. He said that they can shoot at you and they can really do some damage with a fork and some sheets. Howard said they're geniuses of killing. He said it's too bad they can't turn that into something better than murder.
Howard read a few more emails and had some about Colin Quinn and Shelley Lubben's interviews. They got some positive feedback about all of that.
Howard congratulated Gary on his book making the best seller list. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had a fun day yesterday. He was kind of down when he got home. He said he's grumpy all the time now. He said Beth went up to watch Oprah interview the Jackson family. He said that was funny. Robin said she has to get a copy somehow. Howard said Oprah interviewed Michael's mother, Katherine, and then Joe comes in and he looks like the devil with the fake teeth and the crumpled face.
Howard said Joe was denying beating the kids when they were growing up but then Katherine told him that they did get a whooping. Howard said that guy is a riot. He said at the end of the interview Oprah is there to interview the three kids, Blanket, Prince Michael and Paris. He said that Oprah is waiting to see the kids and it turns out the grandmother lives in the house with almost all of the Jackson 5's kids. She has all of her grand kids living there. Howard said you could see that Oprah just wanted the 3 but Katherine had all 10 there. Howard said Germain's kids, Tito's kids, Jackie's kids and more were there. Howard said there's one woman who was in her 20s and she was very attractive. She said she was Rebe's daughter.
Howard said poor Oprah had to talk to all of them and she just wanted to talk to Paris and the two Prince Michaels. Howard said all of the kids want to be in show business and be actors or singers. None of them have tried to do anything else. Howard said there's a good chance that none of them are talented. He said the whole thing is like watching a train wreck. Howard said Oprah should have just said ''fuck you'' to the other kids saying she didn't want to interview them.
Howard said one of the kid's names is Jermagesty. He said they all have wacky names. They all want to be singers and actors and not one of them has figured out that it's a no-win situation. He said they all look untalented. He said it's just not happening. Robin said if any of them did have talent then Joe would have pulled out the strap and he'd have them out there singing.
Howard said the two boys look miserable. Howard said he doesn't know what Michael did to those kids. He hopes that he didn't touch them. Howard said Prince and Blanket just look miserable. Howard said Paris seems to be pretty well adjusted. He said she wants to be an actress and she's a very good looking kid. Howard said Blanket is shy. He said that the two older kids have gone to regular school and they seem to like it. Blanket is still being home schooled. Robin said that he has to be worked back into socialization because he was raised by maniacs.
Howard said those kids are going to have a great book in them. He said that he's trying to sign them. Howard said he wants to sign some kids to a record deal like Ellen did. Howard played some audio of a 13 year old that Ellen signed after seeing him in some YouTube video. There's another kid called Eden Pinchot who is only 12 that he wants to sign. Howard said this kid is good. He played some of the audio of him playing piano and singing. The kid was good. Howard said they should sign him and cut his nuts off so his voice never changes.
Howard played some of Oprah's interview where Joe was claiming he never beat Michael even though Michael told Oprah that he did. Joe said he disciplined his kids but didn't ''beat'' them. Joe said he didn't whip them or anything. Katherine told him to just admit that it's the way black people raise their kids. He used the strap on the kids. Oprah said it was a good thing that they were admitting all of this.
Robin wondered if Oprah is going to go easy on President Bush like she was with everyone else. She's supposed to be interviewing him today.
Howard had another clip of Oprah talking to all of the kids. He said it looked like a school. He said that Oprah wanted to interview the 3 white kids but all of the other kids were there so she had to talk to them too. In the clip Oprah was saying hi to everyone and there were names like Jafar, Jermagesty and others. Howard and Robin got a few laughs out of those names. Howard said that they also talk about wanting to be in show business. He played that clip and Prince Michael says he likes video games and sports. He wants to produce movies and direct. He has no experience but he wants to produce and direct. Howard said that kid is like 10 years old. Paris wants to be an actress. The other kids want to be in show business too. One of the kids said he sings. Jermagesty sings. Everyone sings or acts.
Howard said everyone is living with Grandma and singing and acting. Howard said there was a show there but Oprah didn't do it. He said she didn't ask any good questions but it was still fun to watch. He said Paris seems to be well adjusted but he's not sure about the others. Howard said that Michael's mother has released a book about Michael and those kids must be pissed that they use Michael like that. Howard said you don't hear one kid saying that they're into pest control and wants to actually make a living. Howard said it's nutty.
Howard said he hopes the kids are well. It has to be a weird situation. Robin said it will be tough to come out of that being normal. Howard said the kids are like orphans and it can't be easy.
Howard said he has a feeling that Robin won't like this guy. Howard said he knows the guys that Robin has dated and he doesn't look like that. He said he does have a good job though. He's in show business and it's not the kind of show business that Robin is thinking of. Howard said he knows the guy and he's a good guy. Robin said she wishes he hadn't even said anything.
Fred wanted Robin to wear the short skirt that was driving JD nuts last week. Gary had a suggestion for a top that shows her boobs too.
Howard said this guy doesn't know that he's setting him up either. He said he asked him to come in and promote this thing he has going on. Howard said he's not sure that he'll be up for dating Robin. Howard said he's trying to make it casual for both of them.
Robin asked what Howard is doing. Howard said he thinks it's time to marry her off. Robin said she knows what he's doing. Howard said this always backfires on him. Robin said he would never set someone up this way. Howard said he's been thinking of everything and he'll have a bed for her in the green room tomorrow. Howard said the guy is really just a nice guy.
Robin said she knows that he's up to something. She said he's done this before. This is the bait and switch. She said that she doesn't want to disparage anyone but she knows what he's up to. Howard said he really just wants to set them up. He said it could be a big mistake though. Robin said he's putting pressure on her and that's not right. Howard said there really isn't any pressure. He said that he's not coming in there to meet a girl.
Robin said if Howard really wanted to do this he wouldn't have mentioned anything. She said he could have just had the guy come in and meet her and then ask them afterward if they liked each other. Howard said she's right. He told her to forget everything he's told her. Howard said that would have been the mature way to do it but he fucked it all up. He said that's why he's not good in real life. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said Gary is going to be on the Pat O'Brien radio show. Howard said he didn't know he had a radio show going.
Howard said he saw that Nancy O'Dell is taking over for Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight. Robin said she thinks it's a transition type of thing. Howard said he tried to watch Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune the other night and they don't do close ups of her anymore. Robin said they never do zoom in on her anymore.
Howard said he remembers seeing Nancy O'Dell used to be really hot. He said he's not sure how good she looks now but she was hot back then. Robin said she thinks she looks okay from what she remembers.
Howard said they had this woman on Wheel of Fortune the other night and she guessed ''I Have a Good Feeling About This'' and she guessed it with just the letter L. He said maybe they're fixing game shows again because that's pretty amazing.
Howard said Sal and Richard called Tradio again. He said they're completely fixated on that Tradio. He said they called this guy with medical questions and the guy got all upset. Howard played that call and it was actually a ''Swap Shop'' show. Sal called in and had some medical questions about his rectal itch. The host said he had to go and hung up on him. Then Richard called in and said he had a medical question and got hung up on. Sal called in again and said he had a cockroach come out of his dick hole that morning and got hung up on again. Sal called back again and said something about his colostomy bag and got hung up on. Richard called in saying he had a tiller for sale but he was liking the health talk. He asked if they know how to fix loose bowels. The host hung up and said this wasn't a video fun show.
Howard wondered what a video fun show was. He said the guy was so thrown that he was just throwing stuff out there like that. Howard said they really get thrown. He played more of the calls Sal and Richard made and they just kept calling in with the health questions. The host said they were going to get caller ID and get them into trouble.
Howard said that they're also going to have the IQ test results next week. That will be without Eric the Midget of course. Howard said he knows Jon Hein was rocked a little by his test. He asked Will how he was feeling. Will said he did well in a couple of sections. He said he didn't want to give too much away but he did well in a few. He said the memory thing was terrible. He didn't want to give away what that was all about. Will said that he's not sure how it all adds up. The math stuff is pretty simple. He said Scott DePace has been sitting back in his office laughing at him. He said he just wants to beat Scott.
Will said that Bobo and Grillo also took the test. Howard said he thinks that Bobo will be a little higher than Grillo. He said he should beat Sal too. Howard said it might be close.
KC was supposed to take the test but he had some legal trouble recently. Howard said he thinks that it's all been straightened out. Will the Farter will be taking the test too. Howard said that should be a tight race.
Howard said that's the Charlie that you see and think that he's the nicest guy in the world. The Charlie in the hotel room is the one that Denise Richards has seen.
Howard said Conan O'Brien did his first show on TBS last night. Howard had some audio from the show and it sounds like he hasn't changed the show all that much. That's not a bad thing of course. Howard asked Jon Hein if he had heard about the ratings yet. Jon came in and said the ratings aren't in yet. He said it's too early. Jon said that they're thinking that he may only get 500,000 viewers since it's on cable. He said that George Lopez got the shaft on that deal but he heard that Conan did a good job last night.
Howard played a clip of Conan doing his opening monologue. Conan joked about this being his second annual first show. Howard said he liked that line.
Howard said he was reading about Conan in this Bill Carter book ''The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy'' and it's really interesting to read about what he went through to get where he got to. Howard said that they talk about Jon Stewart in that book too. Robin said she went to get the book and it was sold out.
Howard played more of Conan's first show opening monologue. Conan was joking about why he left NBC because it was a channel that pays very little and is hard for people to find.
Howard said Robin was making a face after one of the jokes. Howard said that Conan is just going on with his show and what does she expect? Howard said it's very difficult to get people to tune into TBS at 11 o'clock. Jon said that he's on at the same time Jon Stewart is on The Daily Show. It's going to be tough to get the audience. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they'll be learning more from Billy next week when he comes in. Howard said they may have to perform something together. He said he wishes he had paid attention during his piano lessons so he could play with Billy. He told Robin that she has to play Christie Brinkley and lay across the piano as he plays.
Howard said that Greg Fitzsimmons is an old friend of the show and he almost killed his relationship with him when he asked him to write his foreword. Howard said the pressure is now on and Greg has to try and outsell Baba Booey. Howard said Gary is up at number 5 on the Barnes and Nobel best seller list. Greg said that his book is the one now. He said that Gary is out and he's in. Greg said his book, ''Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons: Tales of Redemption from an Irish Mailbox,'' just came out today.
Howard asked Greg to tell the audience what his book is about. He said he wants one sentence. Greg said his mother saved every letter that was sent home when he was growing up. He said they would laugh at the letters which led to him doing more bad stuff.
Howard said he looks at Greg and thinks he could beat him up but then he reads the book and he thinks he'd get his ass kicked. Howard said Greg is only 5'8'' tall and like 165 pounds but he's a wild man. Greg said he can lose his temper and he gets some rage in there. He told Howard he has lost it before and he has gotten arrested for assaulting someone. He told Howard he was in college and he saw this girl crying in the hallway after some other guy had sexually assaulted her. He heard what the guy was wearing so he ran up the street looking for the guy. He found the guy and he was a football player. He said he was pretty big. The guy's friend pushed him and they started to run. Greg said he chased them and they ran into a dorm. He said that he told the security guy not to buzz them in. They called the cops and he held the two guys there until the cops showed up.
Greg said that the girl didn't want to press charges so the guy charges him with assault with a deadly weapon. He said he got arrested for that and then the girl said she would press charges against that guy if he didn't drop the charges against him.
Howard asked Greg if he was scared that he was going to get kicked out of school. Greg said he was. He said that the girl loved him but he felt she was dirty after that whole thing. Greg said that she was assaulted like Tim Sabean assaulted him when he got there.
Greg said he brought in some of the letters his mom got about him. He gave Howard some of those notes so he could read them. He had one that was a report about Greg punching some guy in the head. Greg told Howard the story about how that went down. Greg said they were walking home from a bar and some guy gave him a hard time about something and he slapped the Yankees hat off the guy's head. They got into a fight and the cops showed up. He said he went to jail for 3 days over that.
Howard said Greg's father was a big radio guy and he must not have been proud. Greg said his father got arrested for some stuff too.
Greg told Howard about going to this bar and the bartender wanted to give them free beer because he wanted them in his apartment. He said that they never went up there but they were like strippers to this guy. Greg said he and his friend got into a fight right next to a police station. He said they got arrested and his friend's mother had bailed them out with rolls of quarters. Then he snuck home and thought he had gotten away with it but then he was in the paper the next day for being arrested.
Greg said he gut a DUI when he was younger and back then it was just an annoying thing. He said that his brother came down to pick him up and he was dressed up as his dad.
Howard said Greg's book is out today and he'll be signing copies at a Borders Book store in Columbus Circle in NYC. Howard gave him some plugs for that and for some gigs at Caroline's. Greg said he's going to be on Letterman too. He said he did his material and ran through it so he can get it just right. Howard said it must be tough to do 5 minutes on a show like that. Greg said he feels that the audience is pulling for him when he's out there. Greg said he shot the show and told Howard what his set was about and how it went for him. He said he felt so fucking good doing it. Howard said that's because he prepared for it. He went out for 3 weeks in a row getting it just right.
Greg said that you can't be mean on a show like Letterman. He said that all of the big guys out there now are doing safe shows. He said that Dane Cook is clean. He said that all of the guys making the huge money are doing it clean. He said that Louis CK doesn't do it clean but he has a TV show and he's on fire right now. Greg said that all of the good comedies are being stolen by FX and networks like that. He said he sees that Mike and Molly show on CBS and that's the kind of stuff that's left on network TV. Howard said cable stations are doing well.
Greg told Howard that Louis has the lowest budget out there and he's doing everything. He said that the show is phenomenal and it's so smart. He said he wrote for ''Lucky Louie'' and that didn't last. He said that this new show is doing really well though.
Howard asked how much a comedian can make in a night if he's on top of his game. Greg said that if you charge 40 bucks each then you take most of that. He said that you can take home 50 on a weekend. Greg said that Brian Regan is one guy doing really well with a clean act. He said he hasn't really seen anyone go clean. He said Louis Black curses but he's doing political humor and doing really well.
Howard said that doing Letterman must be a big deal these days. Greg has been on the show 5 times. Greg said he shot his set last night but it won't be on until Friday night. Howard asked if his price goes up based on that. Greg said he bases his price on bonuses for selling out clubs. He said he doesn't really see a spike in sales when he's on a show like Letterman. He said he respects letterman and that's why he likes doing a show like that.
Howard said people should respect him like that too. Howard said his audience is loyal and they'll go out and see him if he's on the show.
Howard asked Greg about his Monday night show and the Podcast he does. Greg said he loves that they laugh at that when Howard says Podcast. Robin said it's a funny word.
Howard asked Greg who he has advertising on his Podcast. He said he has Audible.com and Squarespace.com advertising on there. He said they get like 200,000 downloads a week and the people are listening to the whole hour.
Howard asked if he has had any hecklers lately. Greg said he had one guy giving him the finger with his cell phone behind it so he could see it. Greg said he was out in the crowd screaming at him so he could punch him in the face. Greg said he snapped that night and he had really lost it. Howard wondered why a guy would heckle him like that. Greg said the guy was doing that to everyone. He said that the guy had his own punchlines and it happened again and again and again. He said he was shitting on the guy really hard and he looked like Tim Sabean. He said he was just a salesman and he really shit on the guy. Howard said that's the worst kind of guy because he's ruining the show. Greg said that's the good thing about hecklers. the audience gets just as annoyed with them as he does.
Greg told Howard about another show he did where he had a woman heckling him. He said that he shot back at this woman after she did that for a while and the audience ''Ooo'd'' him. He said that he was going to walk them after giving them an hour of solid material. He said he started doing AIDS, 9/11 and abortion jokes to make them all walk out one by one. He said he counted them down as they walked out. Greg said that he shook out the crowd and kept the best 200 or so. He said that he rewarded them with another 20 minutes of good material.
Howard asked Greg if he punched this guy who was giving him the finger. Greg said that the guy was just smiling until the bouncer came over and told him he had to leave. Greg said he just talked the guy out the door and explained what his life was like as he was leaving.
Howard said that you almost don't want to give into the guy but you can't deal with it. He said that if you're on Broadway they throw you out if you have a cell phone ring. Greg said you're on your own in a comedy club.
Howard heard that Greg had some ice thrown on him in a club. Greg said that just happened on Friday night. He said the guy got offended and threw ice on him. He said that the bouncers threw him right out. He said he has that on tape and it's all on his web site FitzDog.com
Greg told Howard that he may have told that guy that he was short. He said he was making fun of the short thing and saying he was close to being a midget but there's that line of being short and being a midget. He said it's like the difference of being just dumb and being retarded. There's a fine line between the two.
Howard asked Greg about his anger management classes. Greg said that he's got a switch that goes off in him. He said that he feels that if someone does something mean to someone else he snaps. He said when he sees a parent do something to their kid he has to crouch down and walk away. Howard said he's like a super hero. That led to Greg mentioning the comic books he got him and said he hopes he enjoyed them. Howard said they're no longer in his house. He had them removed.
Howard said Greg isn't afraid of getting hurt or beaten. He just jumps in head first. Greg said it's an Irish thing. Howard said it must be part of him. Greg said there was a certain amount of not caring when he was growing up. Howard asked about the anger management class thing again. Greg said it's just a few people and the person teaching the class. He said he has to think before he reacts to people. He said he has to follow a script in his head so he doesn't get into a fight. He said he's working on it and he has two kids so he has to do that.
Greg said his son has been taking Taekwondo for like 7 years now. He said his son got pushed off of this thing he was on and his son went over and took care of the other kid. He said that you're supposed to keep it under control. He said that Joe Rogan was a Taekwondo champion and he's never been in a fight in his life. Howard said he doesn't get along with Joe for some reason and he's not sure what it is. He said he told Joe once that he didn't like women and Joe got very upset with that.
Howard gave Greg some more plugs for his book and mentioned the foreword he wrote. Greg said that foreword is great and some people read that and say they're let down by the book after reading that. Check out FitzDog.com for all of Greg's upcoming dates.
Howard asked if he should read the book. Greg said he should read past page 8. He said the book is deep and he writes about his dad and growing up with a radio father.
Howard asked Greg if he's writing for any TV shows now. Greg said he has two TV deals right now. He said one is based on his book. He said that's with FOX. He said he's got another script at Nickelodeon for a game show and sitcom hybrid. Howard asked if he gets good money for that. Greg said they do pay very well. Greg said FOX loves his show and they will make a decision in December about making it into a pilot or not. Greg said they would shoot in February or March if they give him the go ahead. Howard said it's no wonder they pay so well for these shows because they tie you up for a year.
Howard asked who is more successful, Greg or Colin Quinn. Greg said that Colin turns down a lot more stuff than he does. He said that he's offered more than him so Colin is the more successful one. Howard wanted to know who is better looking. Greg said he's better looking than Colin. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin didn't know how to answer that.
Howard said he saw Colin at Baba Booey's book party and he just came up with quick lines about Gary looking like Ugly Betty's brother and things like that. He said the guy has a quick mind. Greg said he used to think that he was better than all of these guys but now he just tries to enjoy it.
Howard said he thinks that maybe Greg's anger might be coming from being closeted and maybe he's gay. He said that may have made him super angry. Greg said if it was that simple he'd be happy. He said that Howard is afraid of a comic book because he's afraid that someone jerked off on it. Howard said that's possible. Howard said he took those comic books and gave them to his nephew. He said he's enjoying them now. Greg said that's a nice re-gift.
Howard said he loves having people listen to him on the radio. He said he's honest because he knows that's going to make people listen. He told Greg he did a great job there this morning. He gave him some more plugs for his book and for his book signing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song. He asked where those assholes are. Robin said they're out touring. Howard said he really likes them. Robin said she may go out to see them. Howard said they are good.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Bill Carter and his book ''The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy'' and some of the stuff he had about Conan and Jay Leno. They spoke to Bill and Bill does like Jay Leno. Howard said he figured the way he went off on him that he didn't like the guy. There was also some stuff about Conan having Norm MacDonald on his 8th show and that's just not the right guest for the Tonight Show.
Howard said they've killed the late night shows with the constant bits they do. He said that they don't make it about the guests. He said that Letterman used to have on odd guests but then at 11:30 he had to drop that. Robin said that happened with a lot of guests. Howard said he used to hold off on doing stuff on his show for terrestrial radio. He said that on satellite it's great. He said it's sort of liberating being there and not worrying about everything.
Steve said they have a story about Greg Fitzsimmons' new book and some of the stuff that's in there. Steve said they also have another list of sports guys that Gary would like to see Howard have on his show. Steve also got in a plug for Jackie the Joke Man's show and Riley Martin's show which are on tonight at 7 and Midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show. Howard also played some of Gary's edited audio book.
Robin started off asking about Dancing with the Stars. Howard missed it because he was watching ''In Treatment.'' Howard said he might be growing up because he hasn't watched for the last two weeks. Robin said they surprised the contestants with a song to dance to. Howard said he and Beth just watched ''In Treatment'' and went to bed. Robin told Howard that Bristol Palin was very upset about the way they did things. She goes by the lyrics to count.
Robin read about Demi Lovato and how she went into rehab for some eating and cutting problems. Robin said that she broke up with Joe Jonas and she was going out with Wilmer Valderrama. He's 30 and she's 18.
Howard asked Robin if she's on that new AOL. Robin said she's been using AOL. She said she loves it. She said they're doing great. That led into Howard doing a live commercial for them. Howard said Fred wasn't there to play music under him.
Robin read about the person who came in dead last in the marathon. She said that it took the woman 35 hours and 27 minutes to finish the race. Robin said she must have Multiple Sclerosis. Robin said she's a motivational speaker. Howard asked Robin how she'd feel if she lost to her. Robin said she'd have a lot of 'splaining to do. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin said that the Queen of England is on Facebook. She's also on Twitter, YouTube and Flickr. Robin said they launched that yesterday morning.
Robin read about how Miley Cyrus was saying that she'd give up her fame for her parents to get back together. Howard said he likes it when these kids act out. He said that he likes the ''whore years'' like when Britney Spears went out and did all of that. Gary said a lot of these web sites are posting pictures of her half naked and she's not even 18 year. Howard said maybe she's getting it all out before she turns 18. Gary said her clothes are getting skimpier and skimpier.
Robin read another story about a study that was done about kids being exposed to fast food ads and how bad it is for them. Howard asked if she's doing this because of her charity. Robin said she's not. She said she has been doing this since she found out about how bad fast food is. Howard said Robin really gets angry during these stories. Robin said it's wrong, that's why she gets so upset. Howard said he's afraid that her head is going to explode like Eric the Midget on that Fringe show.
Robin read that Happy Meals could be banned in San Francisco. She said they have to improve the meals or they won't be able to sell them with toys after December 2011. Robin said she doesn't see a problem with there being a McDonald's. Howard then lectured Robin about the salt in their food and how much fat there is. Robin said it's not all about the salt. Howard said maybe they should serve an arsenic sandwich. Robin said at least you'd know what you were getting.
Robin read a story about a study done about city schools and how only 12 percent of black boys are proficient at reading. Only 40 percent of white boys are proficient at reading. Robin said that every kid should be good at that.
Howard heard that Ronnie had been behaving himself around ''Smiles'' the intern. Then someone told him that he was talking to her just the other day. Howard called Ronnie in there to talk about that. Howard said he was trying to compliment him. Ronnie came in and Howard congratulated him on that. Ronnie said he may have said hello to her but he doesn't call her or anything. He said he calls her ''Katie'' when he needs her to do something. He said he stopped calling her ''Smiles.'' Ronnie said that he made her famous by calling her Smiles. Howard asked where she is. Gary said she's there.
Howard had Kate the Intern come in so he could talk to her about it. Kate said that Ronnie calls her Katie or Kate and he has stopped with the ''Smiles.'' Howard asked if she feels she owes him for making her famous and getting her to host the Intern Show. She said she guesses that she odes owe him some credit. Ronnie had something going on with his voice so Howard asked what was up with that. Ronnie said it's just something lingering in his voice after being sick. Ronnie said he kind of likes it. He said it makes his voice deep. Howard said he sounds creepy and kicked him out of there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to take Robin out. She said she'd treat Robin like a real man. She said she's 6' tall and like a real man. Howard asked if she would romance her in bed or take her like a real man. She said she would take her out for wine and then take her to the hotel room for a massage and see what happens. The woman said she would finish Robin off like she's never been done. Howard asked how she'd do that. Howard said he knows Lesbians spend a lot of time on the breasts. The woman said she can't wait to see Robin's breasts. Howard asked if she'd bang her with a strap-on and lick her asshole. She said Robin would love it. Howard asked if she's ever licked a woman's asshole. She said she had. Howard asked if it tastes like doody. She said it tastes like Tootsie Rolls.
Robin wasn't interested. The caller said that it would open up Robin's eyes to a whole new world if she just met her. Howard had another woman on the phone who said she wanted Robin too. She's a former lesbian but Robin is so amazing. Howard said that she's probably more of a lipstick lesbian. The first lesbian said that Robin needs to be treated like a queen. Lesbian 2 (Susan) said she'd treat her right. Lesbian 1 (Kim) said that she'd show Robin around San Francisco and she'd see it like she's never seen it before.
Howard had the two lesbians fighting over Robin. They were going back and forth telling Robin where they'd take her and what they'd do on a date. They wrapped up without a date. Robin said she's not looking for a lesbian girlfriend. Howard did a live commercial a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and read about Michel Jackson's kids being on Oprah Winfrey yesterday. She had some quotes from the kids in her report. Robin had some audio clips from the show that they played.
Robin had some audio of George W. Bush talking to Matt Lauer on the Today show. She had him talking about 9/11 and Osama bin Laden and things like that.
Robin read about a study that was done that found that radiation treatment can work for prostate cancer. Howard said any guy he knows who has had it says that it kills their boner. Howard said that they have to put a stop to that. He said it's no good living if you don't have a boner.
Robin read about how this guy up in Connecticut was found guilty of the killings of a woman and her two daughters. He was sentenced to death on the murder charges. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said they should tie those guys down and burn them alive. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Elizabeth Smart. She said that she was kidnapped in 2002 and she took the stand yesterday to testify about how she was abducted. Robin said that she's 23 now. Howard wondered where she lives now. Robin said she's in Salt Lake City where her parents live. Howard said that's awful and unbelievable. Howard said they should fry that fucker too. Benjy corrected Robin on the story because they thought she had kids with the guy. She was just abducted for 9 months. Howard and Robin both had it wrong. Howard read yet another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Mayor Bloomberg being asked about saying that President Obama was arrogant. Robin had some audio of Bloomberg talking about that and not denying that he said that.
Jon Hein came in with some Conan ratings. He said he had a 2.8 rating which is over 3 million people. Howard said that's pretty good for cable. They congratulated Conan on doing so well. Jon said they'll have to see how it goes the rest of the week.
Robin had some of Michael Jackson's ''new'' song that they just released. Howard played some of that and goofed on it like he was Beavis and Butt-Head. Fred also threw in JD's hoot laugh as it was playing. Robin said that some people say this is not really Michael Jackson signing the song but others insist it is.
Robin read about how Art Garfunkle is resting his voice and hopes to be back out on the road again next year. Howard said that it's sad how, for years, Simon didn't want to sing with him but now that he does Garfunkle can't be there.
Robin read about the movie ''Unstoppable'' and had some audio of some of Chris Pines working with Denzel Washington. Howard didn't last long listening to that.
Robin read about the new movie ''Morning Glory'' and had some audio of Harrison Ford talking about the movie and how he can't stand the cheerful morning TV shows.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the new movie ''Skyline.'' Howard said he wants to see that one. Howard listened to Donald Faison talking about that movie.
Robin said the new Harry Potter movie is coming out. That led to them talking about Emma Watson and how she claimed she had been drinking since the age of like 7 according to Howard. He said he might be making that up. JD said he thinks that he's right about that. Benjy said that he saw a headline but his computer was locked up so he couldn't check it. Robin had some audio of the guys from Harry Potter but Howard cut them off really quick.
Robin read about Iman starting on a new TV show called The Fashion Show. Howard played some audio of her talking and sarcastically said she sounds like a lot of fun. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon ran down more stuff he wanted to cover today and mentioned the date that Howard is setting Robin up on. Gary said he knows who the guy is and it might work. He said that he didn't want to give away too much but he thinks that some people will know who this guy is and Robin will like him.
Jon ran down some more stuff that he wanted to cover and mentioned Greg Fitzsimmons. Jon asked what happened with Tim and Greg in the hallway. Gary said that Tim grabbed him in a bear hug and walked him down the hall. He said Greg was wondering what that was as he was carrying him down the hall. Benjy said Tim does that stuff to him too and he loves it. Gary said he's a very physical guy. He said it's almost like a pre-game warm up type of thing. Jon said Tim has said that he's like a coach there so that's exactly what he's doing.
Jon played the clip of Robin laughing her ass off at Gary for something he had said on his Audio Book. After that clip Jon asked Gary if her laugh is really as bad as Howard made it out to be. Gary said it really is. He said it cuts right through you.
Jon said that Howard doesn't get why Gary put lists in his book. He asked Gary if he knows what Howard is missing there. Gary said Howard thinks it's frivolous and dumb.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary's book is beautiful and he was reading it in a restaurant and crying. He asked Gary if Howard has ever apologized for the brutality he brings to him on the air. Gary said he doesn't but if he did it would be really weird.
Jon asked Gary if he was looking for that kind of apology when he first started on the show. Gary said he really wasn't looking for that. He said that stuff didn't bother him back then. He just liked being on the air and having people making fun of him.
Benjy asked the caller if he has any friends. the caller said he dos but he didn't know what Benjy was going for. Benjy said he thought it was kind of sad he was in the restaurant alone reading Gary's book. The guy said he was alone there and he was reading about Gary's mom and crying.
Jon asked Gary if he's excited about finding out how the book is doing. Gary said he really is. He said he can't wait to find out how it's doing.
Benjy asked Gary if his brother has read the book. Gary said he has and they have discussed what's in it. He said his brother told him he thought he was very kind to their mom. He said his brother is 8 or 9 years older than him. Benjy asked if he's close to his mom too. Gary said they're both close to her. Gary said he was more of an observer while his mom would be yelling at her brother.
Another caller told Gary he was wrong about the way he said some song titles. The guy said he was still going to buy his book and he hopes that they're back next year. Gary said he does too. The caller also said that Benjy never Facebooked him. Benjy said that's because he's not a hot chick. He told the guy to email him and he'd set that up though.
Jon asked about the reviews Gary is getting about the book. Gary said he gets some negative stuff and they think that he should have had more stuff about the show in there. He said that the positive reviews are so nice and the negative ones really get to him. Gary said the people who have read the book seem to like it. That's what he's getting from the feedback.
Another caller was trying to ask a question but Benjy was laughing because Gary was drinking from his water. They had to interrupt for a minute while they figured that out. Then the caller asked Gary if he would still include the lists after all of this stuff Howard has been doing. Gary said he would.
A caller asked if this ball busting is promotion for his book and if he expected this level of it. Gary said yes and yes. The caller asked if he expected them to bust on him about anything in the book that they haven't busted on him yet. Gary said he's surprised that they haven't busted on him about being a bed wetter. Benjy said that's a great thing to talk about. That led to Gary talking about how Michael Landon was a bed wetter and he had a TV movie about that. He said it was one of the best bad movies of the 70s.
Jon asked Gary what his parents tried to do for him. Gary said they had this machine that would make a noise when you wet the bed. His father thought it was too late if he had already wet the bed so they sent the machine back. Gary said his mother used to yell at him about doing it and he said that if she stopped yelling he might be able to stop wetting the bed. Gary said he was good for about 5 out of 7 nights a week. He said he just grew out of it though.
Jon mentioned that they got the first audio drops from his audio book today. Gary said that wasn't a surprise. He said he was glad it was having sex with Jon Hein and not with his dead brother. Jon said there's still time to do that.
Jon said he would like to know who comes up with the lines they use. He called for Sal and Richard to come in to talk about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows he's going to see Kimmel this week but he wanted him to ask about a commercial he's in for Call of Duty: Black Ops. He told him to ask about that. Gary said he's not sure what he'd ask. The caller said he wants to know if he really shot the rocket launcher.
The caller asked Jon about how he felt about Howard goofing on him about his weight. Jon said it bothers him but he's not going to lose sleep over it. Jon said he knows he has a huge ass and no one has to tell him that.
Sal and Richard came in so they were goofing on Jon's weight a little bit. Jon asked how much they enjoyed pulling the drops of Gary's book. Sal said it was both of them and they just cut them up into what they heard this morning. Richard said that Jon and Gary are like the Sal and Richard of the show so that's why they did that. He said it was kind of cute to have Jon banging Gary's wife in those clips too. Gary said he appreciates that they had his wife being ''tight'' in that one clip.
Ralph called in and said that Jimmy didn't really shoot a rocket launcher. He said that caller was fascinating asking Gary to talk to Jimmy about shooting that thing.
Gary asked Ralph if he had read his book. Ralph said he hasn't and he might want to listen to the audio book instead. Gary said he might be able to help him out with that. He said he could enter that contest they have going on too.
Richard asked Gary if he reads and listens to the same book. Gary said he doesn't. He said he does listen to a lot of books though.
Ralph asked about the lists and if he had them all dome before the book was written. Gary said he didn't have them done. He said they really didn't crowbar them in though. Sal said he could do a countdown show with his lists. Gary said he's not sure if Tim would want to do that. He said maybe if they had Sour Shoes doing the songs as he calls them out or something.
Gary said one of the other things he was surprised they didn't pick up on in the book was getting Nancy to talk to them for the book. Gary said that he didn't speak to her but the guy who helped him with the book did.
Richard asked Gary if he has wet the bed as an adult. Gary said he hasn't but he knows a guy who did. Jon asked Richard when he last did. Richard said he did that down in Florida when he was living in the storage unit. Jon said he hasn't wet the bed as an adult.
Sal said he was a bed wetter up until 4th grade or so. He said his grandfather had bags with tape wrapped around them and he would make him tape his penis so he wouldn't wet the bed. Sal said that he would check on him to make sure it was on correctly. Sal said his grandfather worked at the hospital so he had all of these pens, paper and these bags that he'd tape on him. Sal said the bags would leak so the bed would still get wet. The guys all sounded shocked by that. Ralph had to run in the middle of that story.
Richard asked if Gary wetting the bed was pee or was it a wet dream. Gary said he thinks he knows the difference. Richard said it's possible that he's like Peter North and he left huge loads. Benjy asked if they've ever had dry orgasms. The guys said they had heard of them but Benjy said he remembers having them. No one else had. Sal said he had jerked off to the point where nothing came out.
Jon said he was shocked by the bag on his dick thing. Sal said his mother would try to help and put towels in the bed. He said he wouldn't mind pissing the bed now as long as there are a few chicks in there.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she loves Gary's book. She said it makes you laugh and cry from chapter to chapter. She said she doesn't get why anyone would put it down. She also told Benjy she was the one who gave him a hat when she was in the studio last May. Benjy remembered her and said he wears that hat a lot. He said he actually needs a new one. She said she'd send one up.
Gary said he got a free jersey once and Benjy wore that thing almost every day for about 4 years. Benjy said he would wear that as a sweatshirt and he'd turn it inside out. He said he did that because he gets tired of the logo. He said sometimes he wants something plain sometimes.
Another caller said that he gets how Gary feels about the bad comments on the web sites. He said he's had some bad experiences like that after writing some bad mortgages. He said that he's going to jail for that. He said that the story is too long to tell but he knows he's going for at least 1 to 5 years and it's a federal thing. Benjy asked him to give him a shout of ''Baba Booey'' on his way to jail. The guy said he's been waiting for his chance to do that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked if it was weird having Greg come in after the whole foreword thing. Gary said not between him and Greg. He said he and Greg had bounced some stuff off of one another during that whole thing. He said that there was no awkwardness there. Greg wondered where it would come from. Gary said that he didn't ask for the foreword so that's where it could have come from.
Greg said that Gary deserves it way beyond what he did. Greg said he stupidly asked for it from Howard. Gary asked if it was kind of awkward when he went into the studio. Greg said that he's kind of sorry that it didn't come up but he's also feeling there's no meat left on that bone. Greg got a picture of Beth for his book and that was in the foreword. Gary said that's what he was really jealous of.
Greg said that his book got talked about more than he could have hoped for. He said that he's not sure if Howard was doing a bit or if he was really pissed off at him. He thinks that he's put an end to everyone else from getting a foreword. Gary said he's not sure about that because Bubba was hinting at it.
Jon asked Greg about Tim leaving that note to Howard on his console that one time. Greg said that didn't go over very well.
Jon asked Greg about Tim man handling him in there. Greg said he thinks that Tim has a soft spot in there for him. He said he has done some things for him that he can't thank him enough for. Greg said that Irish people have a connection. Jon said he probably wanted to get him going for the show. Tim said he put that note on Howard's console to get it to Howard. He said he didn't do that just to get him going for the show though. Tim said he's still learning stuff along the way and next time he will give it to Gary to give to Howard.
Jon asked Gary about his book going up against Greg's. Gary said that he'd like to do better than him but that's the way he is with everything. Greg said with this book he feels very proud but he hasn't looked at his Amazon rating yet. He said people told him that he'd drive himself crazy if he did that. Greg said he's not that worried about it.
Gary said that he heard that Target took 9,000 copies of his book and to him that was very exciting. Greg said that his book might be too fucked up to get into stores like Target and Wal-Mart.
Sal asked about Jackie's joke book and why they didn't bust his balls about that. Gary said that Jackie had put out like 10 books like that before so it wasn't anything new. Greg said that he went to Borders and asked to sign the books they had there. He said if he signs them then they can't return them. He said that's the way you can keep them from sending them back. He said they have a shrine for Gary's book at Borders. Gary said he went to this place up in Connecticut and he signed a couple hundred that were on a trolley. He said he was more than happy to do that.
Jon asked Greg about having all of those stories about fights. He said he seems to have a lot of incidents. Greg said he's tried to channel that anger into other things. He said he doesn't get into that many fights these days. He said he doesn't make good choices sometimes.
Jon asked Sal about getting caught up in those emotional things and if he gets into it like that. Sal said he doesn't get into it like Greg does. Sal said that his wife can get louder than him and she'll tell him to calm down.
Jon said he wasn't asking about his wife but he liked hearing that explanation. Gary said he was asking him about just fighting with people in his everyday life. Sal said he doesn't do that. He talked more about fighting with his wife and how he hit her in the head with batteries from a remote control. That was accidental. He said he threw it at the wall and her head got in the way. He found it funny but his wife didn't.
Sal said that his wife was going off on him while he was laying in bed and he threw the remote and one of the batteries had come out of the remote and hit her in the head. Greg asked how it could have hit her in the back of the head of she was yapping at him. Sal said he wasn't aiming it at her and it just went off in that direction.
Sal said he was out at Foxwoods Casino one night not too long ago. He said that he wanted to go to sleep and his wife wanted it on so she could sleep. He ended up trying to talk to her and she said she wanted to sleep. She was fine with the TV being on though. She went to turn it down and Sal said that he picked up his pants, which were blocking the IR sensor on the TV, and his belt buckle hit her right in the face. He said he went into the bathroom and giggled a little bit. He said he told her he didn't mean it. He said it was a bad ride home in the morning though.
Gary asked Sal if he has ever called his wife the C-word. Sal said no but then he said he did during that ''three numbers'' (143) thing. He said that she didn't talk to him that morning that he hit her in the face with his belt buckle. He said it didn't leave a mark so she told him he was lucky.
Jon said that when you're at a hotel at a casino you'd think that there would be a sex moment there. Sal said they played some games together and she went up to go to sleep before he went up.
Jon took a call from a woman who said he wanted to ask Gary about his trip to California. She said she's taking off work to go to see him. She said that she wanted to know what he was doing with Jillian Barberie. Gary said he's not really sure. Jim McClure said he knows and they'll be doing a Q and A with Gary at Book Soup on Friday. Richard was trying to grab his crotch while he was talking. Jim said that they'll also have some special guests showing up there.
The caller told Gary that his Kimmel appearance was sold out too. Gary said that might be because he's on with Harrison Ford.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he loves the show and he's going to go buy Gary's book because he thinks it's his exit strategy. He said he thinks Howard is leaving and Gary is cashing in now. The guy said Gary had the best idea to do that. Greg said he should have called the book ''Life Raft.'' Gary said he was shopping his book around a year before he got this deal so he's not sure that's the reason he did it.
Jon said that Gary is getting some positive feedback. Gary said everyone but DePace that is. He said that Scott did tell him that he was good on the Today show. He said it was kind of forced but he thinks that he's trying. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how many shows they have left before they leave. Robin said she thinks it's 16. Howard said Larry King is going off the air around the same time they are. He said Larry has Conan O'Brien coming up in December. He has a bunch of other guests lined up too like the world's richest man.
Howard said Piers Morgan asked him to do one of his first shows after Larry leaves. Howard said he might have to go to Washington DC. Fred said he thinks he's doing it in New York. Howard said he really doesn't want to do those shows but he likes Piers.
Howard said they had Seth Rogen on Conan and he likes Conan's show but he's not sure he'd tune into TBS to watch. Howard said Conan had good ratings the first night of his show. The critics are saying that he had good ratings the final week he was on NBC too though. Howard said people can find TBS when they're motivated to find it. Robin said that's like HBO and the Sopranos. Howard said it's kind of like there at SIRIUS. He said that they only had 600,000 subscribers before he signed on and he brought a lot of fans along with them. They were able to have the merger eventually too.
Howard said a lot of people are speculating what might happen if he leaves. Howard said some analysts say they'll be fine but others say they need him. He said he was reading one guy who said that it would have very little impact if he left. Howard said that guy compared him The Sopranos and HBO. Howard said this is very different. That's what he thinks though. He said maybe he shouldn't second guess the experts.
Howard said he has spoken with other companies and they wonder who would come over with him. He said he thinks he's a game changer. He said they'd go from having no one to a lot of people paying. He said he thinks they'd bring a special quality to wherever they go.
Howard said Conan has to go and prove to people that he can keep his audience. Howard said he thought the show was very good and it starts at 11 o'clock and it might work for him. Robin said he no longer has the restraints of network TV so he can try something different and not be everyone else. Howard said there is a liberating quality there. He said that's what they were able to do there at SIRIUS. Howard said he can hold off on a break if he really needs to. He said he can just flow and go as long as he has to without breaking.
Howard said the one thing that can ruin it for the TV guys is that their shows are available on the internet or at different times of the day. Howard said they could make it a live show too but maybe that would ruin it too. Howard said they put a lot of money into Conan's set. He said it looked really nice.
Howard said Brooke Burke is the co-host and he has a problem with her. He said Tom Bergeron is a great host and he knows how to handle himself. He said that Brooke Burke gets on and it's obvious she's being fed questions in her ear piece. She also has that laugh when she says ''Tom'' and it makes you want to rip your hair out. He said he still has to watch the show. Howard said he's so busy but he gets caught up in all of this. He said he had to go back because of Robin. She mentioned it in the news yesterday so he had to get back into the show.
Howard said he watched George W. Bush on Oprah and on Sean Hannity's show. Howard said Hannity and Bush were walking around like they were in love. Howard said Bush was showing him how beautiful it was out on his ranch. He said everything was such phony baloney shit. He said they were talking about the weapons of mass destruction and how there were none in Iraq. Howard said there was a story in the paper today about how Bush had started to write a book back in 1999 and Bush said that he was going to have to invade Iraq because it would be an easy, slam dunk for him. He said that he was obsessed with that whole thing. Howard said you see this Bush on there talking about what a great guy he was but while he was in office the country was going to shit.
Howard said the whole thing was making him sick. He said it was all too sugary sweet. Howard said Matt Lauer got a hold of Bush and tried to push him but that was tough too.
Howard played a clip of Bush talking about 9/11 and how we were ''inundated'' with threats. He wasn't able to say the word though. Howard said he thinks that Gary's book (They Call Me Baba Booey) has more disclosure than Bush's book does.
Sal said he was a bed wetter up until 4th grade or so. He said his grandfather had bags with tape wrapped around them and he would make him tape his penis so he wouldn't wet the bed. Sal said that he would check on him to make sure it was on correctly. Sal said his grandfather worked at the hospital so he had all of these pens, paper and these bags that he'd tape on him. Sal said the bags would leak so the bed would still get wet. The guys all sounded shocked by that. Ralph had to run in the middle of that story.
Howard said he hates people who steal shit from work. He said that he would never do something like that. Howard said Gary's parents bought an alarm for his wetting but they sent it back because it didn't do any good since the alarm would go off after he wet the bed.
Howard and Robin goofed on Gary about his bed wetting. Robin said Gary said he would wake up but not right away. Howard said he must have loved his own pee. Howard said he's picturing him as a wild animal at the zoo. Howard said he somehow missed that part of the book. Gary told him it was just a page in the book.
Howard played some of Gary's Audio Book where he talked about his parents and not being a ''rival of their torment.'' Howard said he hates audio books. He said he doesn't want to hear Gary reading his book. He said that line didn't sound like Gary either. Gary goes on to talk about his bed wetting. Howard cut it off and said he doesn't care.
Howard said he heard Sal talking about throwing the remote control and hitting his wife in the head. He played some of that audio too. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Jon said he wasn't asking about his wife but he liked hearing that explanation. Gary said he was asking him about just fighting with people in his everyday life. Sal said he doesn't do that. He talked more about fighting with his wife and how he hit her in the head with batteries from a remote control. That was accidental. He said he threw it at the wall and her head got in the way. He found it funny but his wife didn't.
Sal said that his wife was going off on him while he was laying in bed and he threw the remote and one of the batteries had come out of the remote and hit her in the head. Greg asked how it could have hit her in the back of the head of she was yapping at him. Sal said he wasn't aiming it at her and it just went off in that direction.
Howard cut that off and moved on pretty quick.
Robin told Howard she got all dressed up for this guy that he has coming in. Howard said he knows the guy from his gym. Robin said he's working an angle and she knows what's going on.
Gary said that Robin was getting pissed off about people going off on her about the marathon. Robin was Tweeting some stuff about how people get pissed at her for just joking about not finishing the marathon. Robin said people thought she really didn't finish when she did. Robin said she's not one of the elite runners and she did leave the course to get a bagel but she also finished the race.
Howard said he should have set Robin up off the air. Robin said that Howard is up to something and it's all B.S. Howard told Robin that this guy isn't always there in New York. He said he has a good time hanging out with the guy when he does see him. Howard said he started thinking about Robin when he and this guy were talking about running. Howard said he runs about 36 miles a week and he's doing 6 minute miles. Howard said he was looking the guy over and he was thinking about Robin when he talked about getting divorced and how he's not dating. Howard said he might be a little bitter. Robin said that's perfect. Howard said he never said this guy came without baggage. He said the guy is connected to a lot of show business people. He said he started thinking and thought about Robin and if she'd be attracted to this guy.
Howard said he's not a very good judge of looks. He said he thought Sammy Davis Jr. was a good looking man but his mother didn't think so. Howard said he doesn't know what women are attracted to. He asked how the fuck he's supposed to know.
Robin said she knows that Howard brought this up on the air for a reason. She said he's working an angle to bring some interest to a guest. Howard said maybe a little bit. Robin said she knows how he works. Howard said this guy might be right for her. Robin told him to stop it. She said she knows it's not going to turn into anything. Howard said he never would have picked Jim Florentine for her. Robin said that's the way things work. Howard said he would never pick Jim in a million years. Robin said neither would she. Howard said Jim was wild and he's not sure where that all came from.
Howard said he knows Robin likes to laugh so maybe there would be something there. Robin told him to stop it. She said that it's not going to work. Howard said he's fantasizing about their wedding. Howard said he knows what would happen there. Howard said he can imagine that. Howard said he would walk her down the aisle. He asked her to have the wedding over by 8 o'clock because he can't stay later than that. He said he didn't even tell Beth about this. He didn't discuss it with her at all. Robin said she wishes he would stop.
Howard said he doesn't even know what this guy's story is. He said he's not sure what he's into. Howard said the guy did open up to him the other day though. He said with his luck he'll run off with Lisa G. Robin said she would be happy for Lisa if that happened. Howard said it could all backfire.
Howard said he was watching some other stuff on TV yesterday. He said the whole George W. Bush resurrection is bothering him. Howard said he's not sure why they're doing this.
Howard read some more stuff about Conan's ratings and he beat both Leno and Letterman in the ratings. Howard said Letterman had 3.4 million and Conan had 4.3 million. The Daily Show had 1.3 million. The Colbert Report had 1 million. Howard said Conan could drop down to that kind of level. He said he's really not sure what will happen there. Howard said Conan got a big following on Twitter so that helped. Howard said that's the way to get an audience these days.
Howard said Gary is going out to California on Thursday. He'll be on the Jimmy Kimmel show with Harrison Ford. Fred laughed when he heard that. Howard said it is pretty funny. Robin asked who is the better guest. Howard said ''Fafa Fooey.'' He said that Gary will talk about the stuff in his book and went on to do his impression of Gary. Howard said Harrison Ford doesn't say much and he talks really slow. Howard said he just wants to hear about the first time he fucked Calista Flockhart. Howard said he'd like to know why she was the special one. Howard said the guy won't talk about any of that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Robin is like Artie when Howard tried to set him up on a date. She told him to do a dating game for Robin. Howard said Robin is right and he's not a good person and he's doing the wrong thing. Mariann said she'd like to know what his motive was. Howard said he just thought the guy would be good for Robin. He said he's not sure if he would book the guy for the show if he wasn't going to try to set them up. Howard said that inspired him to book him for the show.
Mariann asked Robin if she was wearing her stockings. Robin said she wasn't. Mariann said that Robin and the guy could have a green drink cocktail together. Mariann said she needs Howard and she hopes that they work things out there. Howard hung up on her as she started to sing.
Howard said that Benjy is the worst when they go out to dinner. He said he makes it tough on everyone else. Benjy said Howard is a horrible host because he's so nervous and he makes people rush through dinner. Gary said that Howard is a great host and it was Benjy's fault in that one situation.
Gary said Benjy isn't able to do anything without a problem. He said that Benjy was asking about the book party the other night and he was asking about being late and if it was going to be a problem. Gary said it was like the week before. Benjy said he was asking Gary about bringing his friend with him and he wondered if he wanted press there or not. Gary said that was part of it but he was also asking about being late and if he could have a plus one or not. Benjy was yelling at him like Gary was wrong about what he was saying. Robin said that they won't get together with Benjy for dinner. Benjy seemed fine with that.
Another caller asked if SIRIUS can learn from terrestrial radio's mistakes about the way they treat him. Howard said he's being treated fine. He said that he doesn't want to get into all of that. Howard said people have to draw their own conclusions about his importance to the company. Howard said that the next 5 years are going to be very telling for radio. He said it's going to be a big battle royale and it's going to be satellite, terrestrial and internet radio. Someone will have to drop out because it's going to be so difficult. Howard said he wants noting to do with terrestrial radio. He likes working with someone or for someone though.
The caller asked if Howard will bring his father into this whole thing. Howard said he thinks that his father has a good insight into everything even at his age. He said he's not going to bring him into the deals or anything.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about the new Green Hornet movie that's coming out. Robin said she saw some of the trailer and it might be good. Howard said he likes Seth Rogen and he wishes him luck with that. He said the movies he's excited about are Cowboys vs. Aliens and Cowboys Vs. Ninjas. Robin said that Skyline looks good too. Howard said the Green Hornet isn't so exciting. He said he likes serious super hero movies. Robin told Howard what they're doing with the movie and Howard said he will see it. He said that he's not sure if it'll work for him.
Howard said he just got the DVD of ''Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World'' and it got some great reviews. Howard said he's going to watch it this weekend and then he'll give Robin the DVD.
The caller asked who would win in a ''Howard Or...'' game, him or Charlie Sheen. Howard told Sal to go out and find out. Howard said the guy is good at making himself sound good. Sal said they already did it. He had the audio ready to go.
Howard asked Robin who will do better, him or Charlie Sheen. Robin said that many people heard and saw this Charlie Sheen thing. Sal said this was done after the incident. Robin said she thinks that Charlie will do worse than Howard. Fred said he thinks that Charlie will do better than Howard. Howard played the clip and Charlie was getting a lot of votes. Howard got 3 votes and Charlie got the rest. Howard said he's glad he only got 3. He said it's about time he beat somebody.
Howard said he'd like to know if he'd win against cigarettes. Richard and Sal had done that one too. Howard played that clip and Howard got 5 out of 11 votes. He only beat out cigarettes by one vote. Howard said they also asked about Howard or taxes. Howard got 2 votes.
Howard said he has such a bad image. He said people think he's a monster. He had a clip of Sal asking about getting rid of Howard Stern or Pollution. Howard got one vote. Howard said that's pretty bad. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that song might be his favorite solo song that he did. Howard said Billy Joel is coming in next week and he's been keeping track of some questions for him. He said he's been thinking about some of the lyrics in his songs and he has to ask him about them when he's in next week. Howard thinks he has some conclusions about some of them already. Gary said he looked up some stuff to and he has some notes for Howard. Gary said they have a Steinway Baby Grand piano that's coming in there and they'll be tuning it the night before and the same day to make sure it's just right.
Howard said he has a lot of questions for Jay-Z next week too. Gary said that the book is about how he wrote some of the songs he wrote. He said that Lucas read some of that book and he was saying that it was kind of sad. Howard told Sal to keep his cock away from the Steinway next week.
Howard said he's excited about this Superfan contest. He said that it's a bunch of Superfans versus the staff. They have Brian Phelan as one of the guys on the staff. Howard told him to try and not get into a fight with any of the fans. Brian said that they had better not push him. Howard said Gary is in the staff group too. He said Gary knows a lot about the show. He asked if he feels they can beat them. Gary said he dos. Howard said that Fred is also in the group. Fred thinks that Jon Hein should have been in this group.
Howard said they had to meet the superfans. Sal and Richard were sitting in for Fred on his computer playing sound effects. Howard told the fans that they could win $2,500 each if they win. They'd also be getting a cruise thanks to Budweiser. Howard said if they lose they get nothing.
Howard said hello to Barbara Younger who said that she's been listening to the show off and on for 20 years but she got obsessed after 9/11. She said that she works on a trading desk so she can't listen in real time. Barbara said she listens in detail after recording it. Gary asked if he played her in Beat the Booey. Barbara said she actually got eliminated from that so she didn't play Gary.
Howard said that Barbara is obsessed with Fred. Barbara said that he's on top of things and he's like the pulse of the show and he punctuates things so beautifully. Howard said he's going to have her locked up. Howard asked if she likes hearing from Fred. She said she loves hearing Fred when he talks. Howard asked Barbara about her marriage and if the listening interrupts that. She said that it makes her husband mental a little bit but it doesn't cause any problems. Howard asked if she is confident that she can beat these guys. She said she thinks she can.
Howard said hello to Steve who has been listening since 1986. Howard asked if he has been asked if he's married. He said he's got a second wife and she doesn't get upset with his listening. She's a major fan as well. He said he was on the show once and Ralph was a dick to him. Steve said that he saw Captain Janks in the green room and he got hit with some shrapnel.
Howard said hi to Liz next. He asked what makes her an expert. She said she's been listening since 1984 and she and her husband watch Howard TV during dinner. She said that her best friend is Ass Napkin Ed too. She said she found him on the street and he's really a nice guy. She said that he becomes one with her couch and he does absolutely nothing when he's hanging out. Howard asked if he leaves when she asks him to. She said she does have to scrape him off her couch but he will leave. Liz said she loves everyone on the show and even loves the people she hates. Liz said she and Ed met online and they had a lot in common. She said she shouldn't even say that though.
Howard said he wishes the fans the best of luck. He said he has a bunch of questions and they'll be 5 point, then 10 point and then 25 point questions. He said that when they buzz in they buzz in as a team. He said if they get it wrong they deduct points. Howard said they won't be able to discuss the answers. whoever buzzes in has to answer.
Howard started the game and said Gary looked nervous. Gary said he was tired but then he said he was actually a little nervous. Howard started the game and ripped through the questions really quickly. Here are some of the 5 point questions:
Howard came back and got back to the game. He said they were having tremendous technical difficulties. He said that's the way his life goes. Howard said it works off the air but not on the air. They had an air horn for the staff and a bell for the superfans. Then they got the sound effects back so they were all set.
Howard said they had the Superfans at 40 points and the staff at 35. Howard said they have Steve, Liz and Barbara on the Superfan side. Howard said they're in the middle of the 10 point round. Howard got back to the game after telling them what they were playing for. Howard said he couldn't get his equipment to work so he wanted to end it. They had to hit the buzzer just right to get it to work. Here are more of the 10 point questions:
Howard said everyone was discussing this trying to figure out who it was. Robin said no one was writing. Howard told them they had to come up with something. Howard went to the staff who had 45 points. The fans didn't look happy about their answer. They came up with Benjy Bronk. Howard asked if they think they're right. Howard asked who was responsible for the answer. Liz said she was. Howard said if she's right then she won it for them. Howard said this could redeem Liz since she missed a few during the game. Howard said Barbara had some incredible answers. Howard said that their answer was correct so they got the 25 points and that brought them up to 65 points. Howard said that the staff could win if they got it right. They answered Jon Hein and lost to the Superfans.
Howard said that the fans won and Jon was upset that they put him down for that answer. Howard said he forgot that Benjy was second in that narcissism quiz. Howard asked Liz where that came from Liz said that came out of her ass.
Howard asked the fans what they're going to do with their money. Liz is out of a job so she needed it. Steve said he just had an operation so he's going to use it for that. Barbara is going to take a Transcendental Meditation course.
Howard said that Liz brought in Ass Napkin Ed with her today. She said he was there and he wasn't as wasted as they think he is. Ed came in and said he put a tooth in. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. Ed did sound pretty drunk. Ed showed Howard that he made a tooth and put it in his mouth. Howard asked what he was drinking today. Ed said he was drinking wine. Liz said he was drinking brandy too.
Howard said it's kind of early to be drinking. Ed didn't seem to think so. He asked Howard if he would sign his book. Howard said he was kind of upset to see him so wasted this morning. Howard asked if he's going to sell the book. Ed laughed and said ''yeah.'' Howard said he heard that Ed was trying to charge people to bring them up there. He asked if he found anyone. Ed said he didn't.
Ed was telling Gary that he was wearing the same thing he was because Gary wears the same thing every day. He also asked why Gary didn't call him back. Gary said he doesn't call him back because he always forgets what he called about. Ed was trying to goof on him about his lists too but Gary said they went over that already yesterday.
Howard asked Ed about his dripping ass and if he has a napkin in there. Liz said he has 3 pair of underwear on today. Howard asked why he does that. Ed said he shit himself last night. Howard asked why he would wear them today then. Ed was upset with Gary looking at him. He said Gary is an asshole. Howard wanted to know about the underwear.
Gary said Ed's backpack is in the green room and they can see that he has the big bladder of wine he has in the bag. He said that's what he's been drinking. Ed told Gary he's an asshole. Howard asked how he got there last night. Liz said he took the bus down and she went to pick him up. She said they stayed at a hotel last night though. She said he has been at her house though.
Howard asked Ed about his underwear again but Ed told him to suck his dick. Gary told Howard they took away a bunch of the other drinks he had with him this morning. Howard wondered where he gets the money for that stuff. Ed said he gets it from the government. Ed said they took a bunch of his shit when they got there. Ronnie said that he had a book that wasn't Howard's book. It was one of those unauthorized biographies. Howard said he'd sign it, he didn't care. He said he won't do it right now but he will do it later. He said he'll do that in the commercial.
Howard asked Liz how she can take this. She said she's the oldest of 5 kids so she knows how to deal. Ed asked Howard if he saw his Caroline's comedy show. Howard said he didn't see it. Ed said he's not going to take this shit from him. He didn't even know what shit he was talking about.
Ed said that Eric the Midget can suck his dick too. Howard asked Liz if she leaves Ed at her house alone. She said she has. She said Ed never nags her for money or anything. Howard said he had to move along now. He congratulated everyone on their win. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Soundgarden is back together. Conan is going to have them on soon. Howard said their next guest is the guy he thought was perfect for Robin. Gary said that he thinks he's right about him being handsome. Howard said they'll have to see how things go. Robin said she's very angry at Howard for doing this to her. Gary said they did that for Artie too and Robin wasn't complaining. Robin said she thought it was horrible. She didn't say that the day they brought the girl in.
Howard said he wants to see if Robin recognizes this guy. Gary brought him in and Howard wanted to see if she knew who he was. Robin said hello to him and she didn't recognize him. Howard introduced him as Robin's new husband. Howard said this guy said he was down on women the other day. He said they were talking about divorce when he said that. The guy said that he's looking for someone to marry again. He didn't ask Howard to do that for him. Howard said a thought came to his mind when he was talking to this gentleman.
It turns out this guy is Grammy Award winner BeBe Winans. Howard said he has a bed in the green room for them. He's won 5 Grammy's. He said his sister has won 6. He said his family has won 30 overall. BeBe said that he produced a Whitney Houston song on the Bodyguard soundtrack.
Howard said he knows BeBe as a human being from going to the gym with him. Howard asked if he's super religious. BeBe said he's not super religious but he does gospel music and believes in god. He said he goes to church too.
BeBe asked Howard to say Kenny Chapman's name 3 times. Howard said that he wouldn't do that. He doesn't know who he is. BeBe said the guy works with him in Nashville.
Howard told BeBe that Robin ran the marathon. BeBe said she must be hanging around white people. She said she has. BeBe said black people don't run unless someone is chasing them. Howard said that's what he told him. He said BeBe told him that white people are crazy. BeBe said he actually enjoys running outside. He's doing a lot of miles now and he's running fast too.
BeBe asked Robin about her marathon run and why she would want to do that. Robin said she's not sure. She said that she ran it in 6 hours and 9 minutes. Howard said when he met BeBe he was a lot heavier. He said he's lost a lot of weight. Robin said she knows he's lost a lot.
Howard said he can imagine Robin and BeBe going out together. He said he can see them out at dinner and things like that. Howard asked if they would do that. BeBe said that he'd like to just meet and talk to Robin. Robin said if Howard had any sense at all he wouldn't have mentioned that he was doing this before he brought him in. BeBe said he could have just slipped her a note. He said he can't hug or shake her hand since she's in that cage. Howard said that they seemed to be hitting it off already. Love was in the air.
Howard said Robin must feel the potential. He said that there are possibilities there. BeBe was laughing his ass off the whole time. He told Howard that he's something else.
BeBe asked Howard to say hello to a couple more people who are fans. Howard said he'll let the two of them off the hook now. Howard said the first time BeBe asked him if he was the one who made fun of Martin Luther king. He said he had to tell him that was the Greaseman. Howard said BeBe is friends with Oprah. BeBe said that Gayle King likes Howard. He said that Howard was very nervous when he met her. Howard said that's because he makes fun of Oprah. He's not one of the people who thinks that everything she does is amazing.
Howard told BeBe that he'd have to dump Oprah as a friend if he started dating Robin. Robin said she knows Gayle. She said they're actually neighbors.
Howard told BeBe about the black people he knows. He came up with Robin Givens, Beetlejuice and that was about it. Howard said he doesn't hang out with anyone though.
BeBe actually lives in Nashville so Howard wondered how he could have a relationship with a woman in New York. BeBe said he could do it. He said he comes to New York quite a bit. BeBe said that it costs a lot to date so he might need some money from Howard.
Fred played the Guatemalan theme music which threw BeBe off. Robin told him that was her theme song. Howard asked BeBe if he eats healthy because Robin does that. Howard told him that she gets coffee enemas. Robin said he should let BeBe find that stuff out on his own.
Howard said that BeBe is divorced and he's taking care of his kids. He has a 15 year old girl and a son too. Howard said Robin isn't looking for more kids but she'd be taking care of his kids. Robin told her to stop it. She said that he has to stop talking for her. Howard said Robin has the 15 Foundation and BeBe has a 15 year old so that's something right there.
BeBe asked Howard if he was even going to mention his show. Howard said he was just there for this date. Howard said BeBe has a show on SIRIUS and he helped get him the job. He said he told Scott Greenstein about BeBe and now he's got his own show there.
Howard asked BeBe about the new CD he has out with his sister CeCe. He said she's a piece of ass. BeBe said he can't say that. Howard asked BeBe if he can get laid being the singer that he is. BeBe said he does not act like this at the gym. He said that he won't answer that question.
Howard asked if his parents named their kids after the alphabet. BeBe said his name is actually Benjamin and that BeBe was his nickname. He said that CeCe's name is Priscilla.
Howard told BeBe that Robin has some money. He said she has a yacht and a captain for her boat. Robin said that it's not a yacht. She has a summer home too. She said it's just on the Jersey shore. Howard said she had a horse. BeBe said that he likes horses. Howard said she likes to travel and she has a second home just for her cats. Robin said she does not. Robin said she has cats. BeBe said that's a strike against her because he's highly allergic to cats. Robin said her's are hypo-allergenic. She was just kidding. Robin said at one time she had two homes and cats living at each one. She didn't want to abandon them. Howard said that Robin could be sending her cats off to be put down if BeBe wants to date her.
Howard asked BeBe about performing for the president. He's performed for Clinton, Bush and Obama. Howard asked if he gets nervous doing that. BeBe said he was taught to be confident so he does that when he's doing those performances.
Howard gave BeBe a plug for his album ''Still'' and for his radio show that's on the Praise channel. BeBe said he wants Howard to do his show. He does the show on Tuesday night. Howard said that he appreciates him doing the show there. BeBe said he appreciates their friendship. He said Robin must know him outside of there. He said that he's a wonderful guy outside of the radio show. Howard said a lot of people don't know that about him. BeBe said he gets that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked how big BeBe's cock was. They sounded shocked by that. Howard said that was way out of bounds but the fans must want to know. Howard said he must be a real man. BeBe wasn't answering that question.
Howard said that BeBe was out trying to get a cab one day and he stood out there for a while and he just couldn't get one. Howard said he remembers talking about that with him. He said it's really depressing that an accomplished man like this can't get a cab.
Howard said that Robin and BeBe should go out there and adopt 9 kids. Robin and BeBe didn't seem to be interested in that.
Howard asked BeBe about producing a Whitney Houston album and if he can tell her what to do in a song. He said he can since he's a singer. BeBe said he loved working with Gladys Knight. He said she has the best voice in all the world. Fred agreed with him on that. BeBe said he has produced her music too. He does any kind of song too, not just gospel.
Howard asked BeBe if he had to hold up Aretha Franklin when she almost fell on him recently. BeBe said that didn't happen. He said that she's a great singer too and discussed her with Howard. He said that Gladys doesn't have the range that Aretha has but she has a certain style and a presence. He said they have to go to a Gladys Knight concert. Howard said that the four of them should go out. Robin said Howard is really subtle with that.
Howard asked BeBe about working with Aretha and if he's comfortable doing that. BeBe said he was a fan of Gladys' for years so he went into the recording session and went into panic mode. He said he couldn't believe he was in the booth producing her. He said that he just froze. BeBe said he told her that he just couldn't do it. He said she told him to just push the button so he did it.
Howard asked BeBe about writing songs and found out that he can't write music. He said that his brother isn't that great of a singer but that's okay. Robin said maybe she can finally get a song written about her that's good. BeBe said he wrote one called ''I Found Love'' for this new CD. He said that could be her song. Howard had BeBe's CD ''Still'' there so he played that track. Howard said he has a nice voice.
BeBe told Robin that he will sing at her wedding no matter who she marries. Robin said she would take him up on that offer. Howard said that maybe BeBe would bring Denzel Washington to the wedding. He knows Denzel and also knows Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. Howard said he knows them all. Howard said this is what they've been waiting for. Their dreams have been answered.
Howard said that it was all coming in for him. BeBe told Howard that the business is different now so you have to be smarter and have good relationships. Howard asked if he would have to bring Robin home to his parents if he married her. BeBe said that he only has his mom now but she would have to meet her.
BeBe said that he hopes Howard will come on his show. Howard told BeBe that he may not even be there in a few weeks. He said BeBe may be there without him soon. BeBe said he can't believe that Howard would bring him there and then leave.
BeBe told Howard that Will Smith will be on his show soon. Howard asked if he will ask him about how big his penis is. BeBe said that is not appropriate for any kind of show. Howard asked if he will sing ''Whip My Hair'' for Will Smith. BeBe wasn't familiar with that song even though it's Will Smith's daughter. Howard wrapped up with BeBe after that and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and spent a minute talking about Lady Gaga. Howard said he likes that song. He was talking to the boys during the break. He said he was talking about Oprah and George W. Bush and Oprah does a lot of ''Mmm hmm'' during her interview. Howard said he had a montage of her doing that during the Bush interview. Howard played that montage and Oprah listened to Bush and said ''Mmm'' or ''Mmm hmm'' after a lot of what he said. She had different levels of ''Mmm'' so that was driving Howard crazy. He said those clips were just from the first segment of that interview.
Howard said he's tired because the dog has been keeping him up. He said she's not happy with the new arrangement at the apartment.
Howard asked Robin if he was off base thinking that BeBe would be good for her. Robin said he was off base doing it the way he did. Howard said he must have ruined it and he will probably never happen. Robin said they don't have a lot in common. She said she's never going to church. That's BeBe's whole life. Howard said he's not good at knowing what somebody would be into.
Robin told Howard that she's not all that into running either. She said that it's not a social activity for her. Howard said BeBe runs to stay healthy though. Howard said that they're both in show business too. He said he thinks that Robin is more accepted in show business than he is. Robin didn't think that was the case.
Benjy told Howard that Robin is wrong and that guy is the perfect man for her. Robin laughed when she heard that. Benjy said that he's got qualities that Robin looks for him a man. Robin said she's not sure they'd ever run into each other because they have such different interests. Benjy said he thinks they'd bond over things if she went to church with him.
Howard said Beth isn't into radio so BeBe could go to church without Robin. He said they'd have other interests together. That's what he was thinking though. Benjy said he thinks that BeBe was into Robin. He said he could tell from his body language. Howard said he'll find out at the gym.
Howard said he thinks that it's easier to meet a guy on the air than off the air. Robin said he could have just had him in as a guest. Howard said nothing would have happened if he did that. Robin said she's angry at Howard for doing this to her. She said Howard used her. Howard said that's true but he had good intentions. Howard said he wouldn't have had him in as a guest if he didn't think it was good for her. Robin said that's how he used her. He said he really didn't use her. Robin complained that she could still smell his cologne. Howard said he'd probably have to do away with that.
Howard said he was very proud of himself. He said that BeBe had a syndicated radio show and it was a pain in the ass from what he heard. Howard said he was talking to BeBe about doing the show there and then they were talking about women. That's when he thought about Robin as someone for him. Robin said that it was all calculated to make him a better guest on the show. Howard said that's true but he really did think there would be love there. Robin said it was all about entertaining and it wasn't about her. She said they were secondary to the good entertainment. Howard said he had good intentions though. Robin said that doesn't matter.
Howard said he has been talking about finding someone for Robin for months and he finally found a guy. He said that part was his good intention. Howard said he thinks that BeBe was taken by Robin.
Howard said Robin knows him too well. She busted him on why he had BeBe in. Robin said she knew it was BeBe Winans when Howard told her about this guy he was bringing in. Howard said he would love to see her have love. Robin said she would like that too. Howard said he thinks that she's hiding something from him. Robin said she knows that he knows. Howard said he may not know it all but he knows this. He told her to just marry BeBe and make him look like a hero. Howard said he's not sure what the right thing is for her.
Howard said he pictured Robin with this guy becoming a power couple. He said he may have been fantasizing for himself though.
Howard said a friend of his is reading Gary's book and he loves it. He said the guy says that there's an awesome misuse of a word in the book. Howard said he'll only tell him what it is if he wants him to. Howard said he wasn't going to say his name but it was Vinnie Favale. Gary said he should call in with the word. Howard said Vinnie is probably wrong anyway.
Howard said that Medicated Pete will be in soon because he went to a porno awards show and interviewed some people. Howard said he was watching the video and Pete was shaking like crazy. He said he may have some heavy OCD. He said the twitching might be from that OCD. Howard said he got into this weird thing where he asked every porn star if she knew Jim McClure. He said they all told him to stop asking that question. He couldn't stop himself though.
Howard said every girl didn't know who Jim was. Doug Goodstein said it was like an inside joke to Pete. Howard played some of the audio of Pete asking the girls about Jim and he was doing it as some kind of inside joke. He wouldn't let it go. He said it goes on and on and it was a disaster. Doug said he had a nervous twitch that lasted like 53 seconds in one clip. Howard said that's a visual thing that they have for Howard TV.
Howard said Eric the Midget ruined the IQ bit for himself. He said that Eric refused to participate the way they wanted him to. Howard said Benjy said that he wanted to convince Eric to do the bit right. Howard said he wasn't going to take his call though. He said if Eric calls in he'll see if Benjy can convince him to do it. Benjy said that he just wants to tell Eric that it's the right decision to let them do the whole thing the way they want to. Benjy said he's assuming that Howard wants him to do it on air. Howard said he wants everything on air. Howard said he wants Robin to get married on air too.
Steve said that Eric the Midget has been refusing to speak to anyone on the show, even Shuli. Steve said that Eric has basically gone into hiding in the Stern world.
Steve said they have an update on High Pitch Eric who may be taking a role on a TV cartoon that Eric the Midget turned down.
Steve said that Gary will be on the Jimmy Fallon show in December. They ended up goofing on Gary about his lists for a short time after that. Howard played the audio of Gary talking about his favorite juke box songs. Howard said that list drives him crazy. He goofed on Gary for a little longer when he got started on that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down some of the stuff they were going to cover today. They mentioned the Superfan contest and Howard said he didn't know 60 percent of the answers.
Howard said he'd like to get songs that Gary mentioned for the juke box and he'd like to play them on a juke box and on a regular stereo with Gary blindfolded. He wants to know if Gary can really tell the difference. They ended up goofing on him again. Fred, Howard and Robin all did their impressions for a couple of minutes.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. He ran down a few things they'd be talking about tonight at 7pm on the Intern Show. He mentioned something about Ronnie having a problem with one of the interns and that led to Howard getting pissed off at Ronnie. He said Ronnie has to stop talking to people there. He said he gets all sensitive when people say anything to him.
Howard asked Ronnie why he's involved with this intern, Rich. Gary said Ronnie won't come in there. He said he's out there pouting. Howard said he doesn't get why he has interaction with everyone. Howard said the guy has too much personality.
Howard heard that Rich is the guy who has epilepsy and broke his own jaw when he had a seizure. Ronnie came in and said he's not a kid. He's 28 years old and he acts like a 10 year old. Ronnie said that Scott isn't happy with him either. Howard asked why he's involved. Ronnie said he minds his own business but Rich is involved with him. Howard said that he should just say hello to him and that's it. Ronnie said he goes on the Intern Show to bad mouth the shit out of him. He just called in to bust balls. Then he found out he made his mother cry. Ronnie said the guy is a baby because he doesn't know how to act. Howard asked Ronnie if he's acting like a 10 year old too. Ronnie said the guy is an obnoxious asshole and that's it. Howard told Gary to bring Rich in there. Robin said she's never had a problem with Rich. Ronnie said that's because she doesn't know any of the interns.
Rich came in and Ronnie went off on him saying he's a little baby. Howard told Ronnie to lay off of these interns. He said that they have like 18 days left there. He asked Ronnie to take it easy on the kid for the next 18 shows. Ronnie said that Rich does the Intern Show and then he doesn't come in the next day. Rich said he was sick one Thursday and the other Thursday he had a seizure.
Ronnie said that Scott isn't happy with this guy either. Rich said that Scott told him he was just kidding with him about that.
Rich told Howard that Ronnie told his mother that he was taking too much medication. Ronnie said he didn't talk to his mother. He said he just said it on the show. Rich said that his mother doesn't understand the dynamic there. Howard told Ronnie to just go out and keep and eye on things. He told him to leave the interns alone.
Howard showed Ronnie how to act around the interns. He said he should just say hi and that's it. He said he doesn't have to bust his balls or anything. Howard said he sees Rich every day and he waves to him and he waves back. Howard said that's what Ronnie should do. Ronnie said that's because Howard is blinded to everyone there. Howard said that's the way Ronnie should be too.
Howard said Gary loves Rich. He thinks that he's one of the top interns there. Rich said this is his second semester there too. Howard told Ronnie to stop interacting. Ronnie was walking out as he said that.
Howard told Rich not to talk to Ronnie. He told Rich to talk to him unless he needs to. Howard said there's too much dialog there.
Howard said Ronnie acts weird around him too. He said that Ronnie is always angry. Ronnie came back in and said that he's not angry. If he is angry it's because Howard is just as angry as he is. Howard told Ronnie to just leave the interns alone. Ronnie ended up waling out of the studio again. He was calling people babies but then he walks out of the studio like one.
Howard asked Rich to avoid Ronnie. Rich said he'd do that. Howard said he has to try and straighten Ronnie out again. He said he has to teach him how to act around the kids there. Howard said he's just not good with people.
Ralph called in and said that Ronnie might be right about this kid since he's running to his mommy. Rich said he's 28 and he will give it back if someone gives him crap. Howard said Ronnie has to be the adult there. Ralph laughed and said he can't. He said that Ronnie is Scoresman and Rickyman. Howard wondered why he's trying to turn Ronnie into an adult. He said his psychiatrist asks him why he's doing that too.
Howard said that Gary isn't arguing with this guy. Gary said he's a good guy and he has some good ideas for the show. He said they're actually going to use one of his ides on the show.
Ralph was goofing on Ronnie and the constant grunting he does on the show. Ronnie came back in and said that Ralph doesn't get along with anyone there either. Howard said Ronnie has to be fair and just do his job. He told him to leave everyone alone once again. Ronnie said he heard him. He said he'll try to make it through the 18 shows without another incident. Ronnie said he should be in a limo driver suit. Howard said he thinks that he should be in a cop uniform. Ronnie said that his 25th anniversary there is coming up next week. Ralph asked how he knows that. Ronnie said he knows when he started there. Howard wrapped up with everyone and let them go.
Howard said he's tried so hard with Ronnie. He said this goes on all day. He said Robin has no idea what goes on there.
Robin read a story about Reggie Jackson talking about how he had pooped his pants once during a game. Robin said that it wasn't the first time he had a problem either. Robin said Reggie told TMZ about this stuff during an interview.
Robin read about some high school girls who streaked during a football game. The video ended up on YouTube and the girls may be expelled.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie was yelling at Rich out in Scott's studio. He told Ronnie to come in there. He said he's not kidding around. He has to stop yelling at this guy. Ronnie said he's yelling at Gregg the cameraman, not Rich. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he's yelling at him too for being a part of the whole thing. Howard said he was bored with Scott when he started to tell him what was going on. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:25am, Howard came back and had Robin get back into her news. Robin read a story about a guy who claims he lost a bunch of weight eating a bunch of junk food with some healthy extras thrown in. She had some audio of the guy talking about that. Robin said that this was a professor and he says that calorie counting is more important than nutrition when it comes to diets. Robin said that this guy is out of his mind.
Robin read about a teen that committed suicide after being bullied by some kids in school. She had tried to take her own life once before and this time she did it. She had been claiming that she was raped by a neighbor and those charges have been dropped since she killed herself.
Robin read about Madonna going on Ellen and talking about bullying. Robin had some audio of her talking about that on Ellen. They spent a few minutes going through that stuff. Howard said he has to ask Rosie what it's like hanging around Madonna and if you get lectured all day long. Howard said he admires that Charlie Sheen isn't out there lecturing people.
Robin read about sports related injuries in school sports. She had some audio of a woman talking about that. Robin said it seems to be a problem across the board in professional and school sports.
Robin said a 4 year old is being credited for saving her family's life when she got the family and pets out of the house. She had some audio of the 4 year old talking about what happened. She also had some of the mother talking about what happened to the house.
Robin read about president Bush doing a book signing and he had thousands of people show up to the book signing. He had some protesters there at the signing too. Robin had some audio clips of his protesters and fans.
Robin read about how the wealthy have been cutting back on donating during this bad economy.
Robin also read about an auction that was held last night. She said they brought in $35.3 million for an Andy Warhol painting.
Robin read a story about Billy Joel talking about writing his first song with words. She had some audio of Billy talking about that and then playing his song. Howard said that was going to be one of his questions for Billy. He can throw that one out now.
Robin read about this being the 35th anniversary of the Edmund Fitzgerald sinking. She had some audio of a guy talking about the ship sinking.
Robin read about Dancing with the Stars and how Kurt Warner got kicked off this week. Robin had some audio of him talking about the relationships he built being on the show. Robin said that Bristol Palin is still there. Howard said she doesn't belong on the show. He said something is going on there and it must be like a Sanjaya thing. He said she keeps making excuses and she has to just stop with that.
Howard asked Jon Hein how Conan O'Brien did last night. Jon said he dropped off by 30 percent. He said that Letterman did really well with a 3.0 rating. Conan had a 2.0 rating and Leno had a 2.5. Howard said he likes that. Jon said they knew Conan was going to drop off but he's still doing pretty good. Howard said he saw that they had the Chilean miner on Letterman but it was so boring because they had an interpreter there. He said anytime you have an interpreter there you can't watch. Howard said he wants Letterman to win. Jon said that Leno is complaining that the 10 o'clock shows aren't bringing him the ratings. He said it's the same old complaints.
JD said Leno had on some animal expert last night and Conan had Tom Hanks. Robin said that Conan is doing a week of big guests this week. Jon said he had Soundgarden on last night too. Howard said he likes hearing that Jay is tanking.
Robin read about a survey that was done that found that consumers are planning on spending less this year. She had an expert talking about why that is troubling.
Robin read a story about tonight's country music awards show. Gwyneth Paltrow will be taking the stage to sing a song. She had some audio of her song and Howard said she sounds as good as any of them.
Robin read about the new movie Skyline and had some audio of Donald Faison talking about the movie. Howard said he might have to see this movie. He said he's glad it's not in 3D. He said he's not looking for any 3D movies. Robin said that Paranormal in 3D was good. Howard said her eyes are going to fall out of her head if she keeps watching that stuff.
Robin read about the new Harry Potter movie and had some audio of Ralph Fiennes talking about that. Howard didn't last long listening to that. Robin also had some news about a Jake Gyllenhaal romantic comedy that's coming out. Robin said she can't wait to see ''Love and Other Drugs.'' She had some audio of Jake talking about the movie. Howard said he gets a lot of girls from what he's read. He's with Taylor Swift right now. Robin said that's ridiculous. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon ran down some of the other things he wanted to cover today. They ended up talking about BeBe Winans coming in and how Howard was trying to set him up with Robin. They spent a couple of minutes going over that. Jon was wondering why Robin reacted the way she did to the whole thing because she should know how the show works. Benjy said he feels that she was attracted to that guy. He said he thinks that the biggest problem is that he lives in Nashville. Gary said she has dated a guy who was on the road for weeks at a time.
Gary said he was busting Scott DePace's balls about the whole thing not working right with the sound effects. He said that Scott was getting all pissed off about that.
Benjy asked whose fault it really was. Gary said he thinks that it as Scott the Engineer but he's not positive. He said he's out of the loop on the whole thing.
Jon said they'll have to ask Scott about that if he comes in. He asked Gary why Sal and Richard had to work Fred's board together. Gary said he's not sure why that is.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he had nothing to do with that board that failed today. He said that belongs to In Demand. He said that the computer they use is probably older than 7 years old and it may have been running something else when it stopped working. Scott DePace came in and said that he never said it was Scott the Engineer's fault. He said that they do have a computer that's old and they don't have a budget to get a new one. He said that it might be his own fault. Jon said that someone has to take responsibility for it. DePace said he might have to take it then. He said that he didn't write the code for the program though. Scott said the computer is old and it started running anti-virus software in the middle of the segment and he couldn't stop it. Gary asked what his backup plan is. Scott said he will get a better computer but they need some way to do sounds if it dies again. DePace said that he's going to do what he can to stop that problem from happening again.
Gary said they were in the commercials and Howard was asking what the fuck was going on. He said that Howard doesn't want to hear what can't be done and they didn't have an answer for him so he got really pissed.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they missed that final question on purpose. Gary said they absolutely did not. They really wanted to win it. Gary said that they initially thought it could be Howard but they really didn't know. He said they weren't sure who took the test. Benjy said he was looking up trying to let them know that he took the test. He said he wasn't sure if that worked or not. Gary said they just wrote Jon Hein's name down on the paper. Benjy's name just didn't enter at all. Gary said they really did want to win.
The caller wondered if Howard would have given them the prize or not. Gary said he's not sure about that but he thinks that Howard can't do that because they can't just give away a sponsor's money like that. Benjy said he thinks there should be more incentive or punishment in those games. Gary said he's not going to play a game where he has to have balls put in his mouth or something.
Jon asked Gary about Ed getting in his face a bit. Gary said that he and High Register Sean think that he has it in for them and he really doesn't. He said that's why Ed was in his face today.
Ronnie said that Ed was as bad as Jeff the Drunk this morning. He said they had to take away some of his bottles of booze that he had in his bag. He said he was sneaking stuff out and drinking it and it was getting more and more obnoxious.
Jon asked Ronnie about his problems with Rich the intern. Ronnie said he's going to say one thing about it and not talk about it anymore. He said he tries to treat the interns like adults but Rich can't seem to handle that.
Benjy asked what Rich can't handle. Ronnie said Rich came in the next day after the Intern show where they had an argument and he was telling him that he made his mother cry. He said that's the kind of stuff he can't handle.
Ronnie said that Benjy is attacking him over this and he didn't do anything wrong. Ronnie said he really doesn't want to get into it with anyone, especially Benjy. Ronnie said that some people can't stand being criticized and Rich is one of them.
Rich came in and said that he can handle it. Ronnie said he's not talking to him anymore. He said he jokes around with the interns and no one has any problems. He said the only one he's had a problem with is Rich.
Rich said he had to talk his mother down after that show and it took an hour and a half. Ronnie said that he's not the only one who is like that there. Rich said that's the way he showed himself on the show that night. Ronnie told him not to put his name in his mouth again.
Ronnie said that he may have misjudged what he can talk about but he now knows what he can and can't do. They went over that for a few minutes talking about what they can and can't talk about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie isn't a professional. He said that he's harassing people who work there. Ronnie said he's just joking around, not harassing anyone. The caller said that it's harassment. the caller said if it's not wanted then it's harassment. Ronnie said that he can file a complaint then. He said he didn't know he was going to make his mom cry. Ronnie said he didn't go on there with the intent to make her cry. Rich said that he knows the dynamic of the show and his mother doesn't.
Tim Sabean said that he'd like them to discuss these things with him if they have a problem. He told Ronnie to just leave Rich alone.
The caller said he thinks that they need to be able to judge their audience better. He said there are some people that you can't goof around with and they have to understand what those limits are. The caller also brought up Gary's use of the word ''literally'' and corrected him on the use of it from earlier in the show.
Benjy said that Ronnie is taking his anger out on Rich but Ronnie said he's really not. He said he's just going to ignore Rich like Howard wants him to.
Ralph called in and asked who started with who. He said that it sounds like they were just busting balls and then Rich started to complain about his mom crying. He said you can't just say that and drop a bomb on him. Ralph said if he started whining about it then it gets Ronnie in trouble. He said he shouldn't have started in there with him if he was going to complain about his mommy.
Steve Brandano explained how it all got started and how his mom was thinking that they were emailing around and writing about her son. Steve said that he was probably just shell shocked from the whole thing. Rich said he had to calm his mom down for an hour and a half. Ralph said he shouldn't tell Howard that. Steve took responsibility for that.
The guys went back and forth on that stuff for a few more minutes. Ralph was wondering what was going on with Robin and this rumor that she didn't finish the marathon. Gary and Jon said they believe Robin finished and they're not going there. Jon said that Robin is going to produce a picture of her on the finish line. Ralph said that could be Photoshopped and he can make one of Jon finishing the race too. they had to go to break after that.
Benjy said he's really not weird to go to dinner with. He said he's probably the best dinner companion there. Gary said that there's a way to act when you're out to dinner with Howard and Benjy doesn't buy into that and he doesn't have the ability to do it. Benjy said that if he doesn't want to eat something then he doesn't want to be forced into it. Benjy said that's what Howard does when he's out to dinner. He said he got upset with him when he wouldn't try some stuff he didn't want to try.
Benjy said that Howard accused him of making a big deal about the meal at his wedding. He said all he did was tell JD he wanted the vegetarian meal. Howard ended up saying he wasn't a vegetarian so he was making a big deal out of nothing. Benjy said if he wouldn't have made a big deal out of it if things had been different.
Gary said he's never felt brow beaten into eating anything like Benjy has. Gary said that he's not worried about upsetting Howard.
Howard called in and told Benjy he doesn't care what he eats. He said he's taken Ronnie out and he never forced him to eat anything. Howard said you just show up on time and not late. He said when everyone was done eating that time Benjy was slowing down the whole night and people just got annoyed. He said he's never cared about what he eats.
Benjy asked Howard if he was calling into the show on a cell phone. Howard said he was so Benjy said he was ruining the show by doing that. He was just joking. Benjy said he just doesn't like a big deal being made out of what he wants to eat. Howard said he never did. He told Benjy that he told him he could get whatever he wants. Howard said this is all coming from a guy who doesn't invite anyone out to dinner.
Benjy and Howard argued about that for a few minutes going back and forth about who said what at that dinner at Nobu. Howard said Benjy is full of shit. Benjy told Howard to listen to what he said. Then he told Jon to hang up on this guy.
Howard said Benjy showed up to that dinner sweaty. Benjy said if he was sweaty he shouldn't say anything about that. Howard said he didn't say anything about that until today. He said everyone wanted to move on with their meals and Benjy was holding them up. Howard said he doesn't like the idea of Benjy being oblivious to what's going on at the table.
Jon asked Howard if he would ask Benjy out to dinner again. Howard said yes. He said he likes Benjy and he wouldn't work with him if he didn't like him. Howard said that you have to show up on time and not show up late when you go out to eat with other people. Benjy said he's working on that. He knows that was wrong and disrespectful.
Gary and Howard said they like Benjy but he can be annoying with that shtick he does. Benjy said that they see him in that light all the time and that's just not him. Gary said that Howard took them to Tampa for Bubba's wedding and Benjy almost missed the plane because he showed up at the last minute. Howard said that would have ruined his weekend if he had left Benjy behind. He said that's the same thing as showing up late to work. Benjy said he's embarrassed by all of that and he knows how aggravating it is. He said he's going to fix that.
Howard said he doesn't remember what Benjy ate that night. It was someone else who told him what it was. Howard said Benjy has to be considerate of other people and show up on time. Benjy said he knows that but he really doesn't think he's this weird person they think he is.
Howard brought up how strange Benjy can be when they bring up a name like Detlev Bronk. Benjy told Jon to hang up on the guy on the phone again. Howard said he can't tell if he's just fucking around when he does that. Benjy said he is just fucking around. Howard said he had to get going anyway. Benjy asked Howard if he's thinking about doing the show later in the day at all. Howard said ''not at SIRIUS, they don't want that...'' Howard said he doesn't know what they're going to be doing. He said he doesn't like what they don't know yet. He said there is a lot of discussion going on. He said the only person he's confided in is Ronnie but he just told him he can't talk to anyone. Howard got off the phone after that.
Gary said he thinks that Benjy got his point out there better than when he's in the studio. Benjy said that Howard could have the life he wants if he started the show later. Gary said that Howard is working on all of that. Benjy said Howard would be happier if he started the show later. Gary said that he's not part of the negotiation so that's not going to help. Benjy said that he would be so much happier if they started later. Gary said he knows that but there are other elements that have to be negotiated. They had to end the show a short time later. It was already after noon.
Howard started the show asking about how many days they had left there. Howard said he thinks it's like 16. Robin said it's something like that. Howard seemed happy about that and said ''It's been nice knowing ya! Bye!'' Howard said he'll have plenty of time to socialize after the show is done. He said they can all get together and do shows in the park or something.
Howard said Tracy Morgan is coming in today to promote his HBO comedy special. Howard said he was watching him on Letterman and he felt that Letterman was being very condescending to him. He said Gary thinks that's just the way Dave and Tracy do their thing. Howard said he wants to find out the dynamic there.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and had to call in yesterday. He said Benjy was explaining why he was a bad host when he has people out to dinner so he had to call in and correct him. Robin said that Benjy isn't a bad guest, it's the host.
Howard said that he was getting so steamed up listening to the Wrap Up Show. He said he got angry at Ronnie too. He said he got into it with the intern again. Howard said he loves Ronnie but he just pisses him off. Howard said he feels that Ronnie really cares about security up there and that's why he's head of security. Howard said the guy is good eyes and ears. He said trying to explain to him how to deal with human beings is impossible. He said he just doesn't get it.
Howard said Ronnie sounded like a 4 year old screaming and then he thinks Benjy is attacking him. He said he reminds him of King Kong where he erupts and the chains break when flash bulbs are going off. He said he has to just not engage with the interns at all. He said he must think he meant the female interns only but he has to avoid them all.
Howard said Scott had a female intern and he seemed to fall in love with her. He said he wanted her to get a full time job there. Howard said there is no reason for Scott to get upset with the intern. He doesn't do all that much to upset Scott. He asked why Scott needs an intern anyway. He said Jim McClure filled in for him when he was out and Jim didn't know why he had an intern. Scott said the intern takes care of the daily recording of the show. He said he can't run back and forth to record the CD. Howard said they must have an easy way to record the shows. Scott said they have to change the CD every hour. He said he could be in the middle of something and the CD has to be changed. He said the intern helps him out with that stuff.
Howard asked Scott why he doesn't have the CD recorder in his office. Scott said he's doing things in there and he can't have it in there. Scott said the interns track a lot of stuff so they're constantly logging and changing CDs.
Howard said when he was starting out he had to be everyone. He had to be the engineer, the news man, the producer and all of that. He said he somehow got it all done.
Scott said he's not sure why he thinks he likes the female interns more than the guys. He said he's only had 2 and asked for just one of them to be hired. Howard said one of them massaged him. Scott said it wasn't a massage and he didn't ask for it. She just rubbed his shoulders. Howard said Scott is an interesting guy.
Howard asked Gary what Scott needs an intern for. Gary said he gets the CD changing thing. He said he was reading the list of things that Scott does and what the interns do. The interns are in charge of a few things like switching the shows over in the morning. Then they have to upload the shows to a server that Howard has for saving the shows. The intern makes copies of the show from the CDs they record and things like that.
Howard asked Scott if he's really that busy that he can' do that stuff. Scott said if they want to take away his intern that's fine. Howard said they only have 16 more shows left so they'll leave things the way they are.
Howard asked how he's going to get through to Ronnie. Scott said he's usually good. Howard said he gets so involved with the interns though. Howard said he could probably solve all of this by making Ronnie Scott's intern.
Howard said that Evan the engineer thinks that Scott having an intern is pointless. Howard wanted Evan to come in but he refused to come in. Howard said he would listen to Evan if he came in and told him what he thinks. Howard said he worked at stations where they had no money and no interns so he had to do everything.
Gary said Evan won't come in. He figured he didn't want to be detrimental to his co-worker. Howard said he would have been fired at those stations he worked at if he had asked for an intern. Howard said he was getting paid to do the job and he had to do everything. He said he had to record his own commercials and he had to be the engineer and the on air talent. He said that's just the way things were back then.
Evan came in and said that Scott really doesn't need an intern. Howard asked if he really has to have an intern there to hit a button every hour. Evan said that Scott could do it. He said it's just a matter of putting something on hold for a 10 minute thing. He said he can understand why he wouldn't want to stop working. Evan said he does that himself. He said he doesn't know about the other stuff Scott was talking about. Howard said they have this MAS system that turns it into digital and into his storage facility. Howard said he understands that.
Evan there is one button on Fred's screen that turns the studio on in the morning. He said that's all they were talking about earlier. The intern has to stand there for a few minutes until someone walks in. Howard said Scott could do that. He said he could wait 3 minutes and then leave.
Howard and Evan went over a few other things that Scott does and Evan really doesn't think that Scott needs an intern from a technical standpoint. Howard asked if any engineers there have an intern. Evan said he has Scott so he's the only other one there. Howard said he's sure that Scott will think that Evan is wrong. Robin asked if Scott requested the intern. Howard said he did. Howard said he could hear Scott yelling out in the hall. He wished that he would come in there and yell.
Scott came in and said he wasn't yelling. He said he was talking to Evan. Scott said he had an intern back at K-Rock and they had to do more stuff over there. Howard asked why he has an intern there then. Scott said they just continued doing things the way they used to. Scott said the interns do learn stuff there. Howard said he has too much free time back there. He wants to see what he's up to. Scott said that's fine.
Howard said they eliminated all of Scott's problems. He said they've taken care of him to make sure he's got no pressure. He had to do that to make sure he can bowl. He used to record live spots but he doesn't do that anymore. He mostly works for Robin doing the news clips. He's not sure what he'd be doing back there if he wasn't doing that.
Howard said Sal and Richard do their own bits. He's not sure what Scott is up to back there now. He doesn't have to Best Of anymore. The tapes team takes care of that. JD takes care of the TV clips. Howard said it's funny that Scott needs an intern.
Howard played some more of the clip and Ronnie freaked out over something Benjy said to him even though it was nothing that bad. Howard said this is where he's like King Kong freaking out over the flash bulbs. Rich the Intern was in there talking to Ronnie and Ronnie was acting like a little kid. Howard said he just can't stop fighting.
Howard played more of Ronnie and Rich going at each other. Howard said he just can't get through to Ronnie. That led to him playing a song parody where they have clips of Ronnie cursing over the song ''(You've Got) Personality.''
Howard asked Robin what he's doing wrong. Robin said they've broken it down to as simple an equation as they can and Ronnie is never going to understand. Robin said that Ronnie doesn't get it and he interacts with people in a way that they'd get fired if they were somewhere else. Howard said Ronnie has never had a job like that. He's been in a car or a truck. He said he had a limo service and a route he drove on. Howard said Ronnie just kept his mouth shut. Robin said Ronnie just doesn't get it. She said that he's a little tyrant.
Howard said when he's with Ronnie he's fine. He doesn't say a word when he's around. He said that he gets in there and then Ronnie starts getting involved with people. He said if he had a muzzle on him then maybe he wouldn't talk. He said he may have to try that.
Howard said he was going to break the news to Ronnie. He called him into the studio. Ronnie didn't come in. Gary said he was out talking to one of the other security guys. Howard said Ronnie can wear a muzzle or a Hannibal Lecher mask. Robin said that Howard is his boss and Ronnie isn't coming in. That didn't stop them from talking about Ronnie and doing their impressions of him.
Howard said Benjy is just an awkward guy. He said he now knows why he was second on the narcissist test. Benjy said he's really not that awkward. Benjy said that the rest of them are the Munsters and he's Marilyn. Howard said he's Marilyn with a giant zit on his face. Howard said he's seeing something on there. Howard said he was very sweaty this morning too. Benjy thought his face looked really nice today. Howard said maybe it does to him.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Howard talked about how strange Benjy is and Benjy was doing a bit saying that his cell phone call was ruining the show. Howard said his cell sounded so good that Gary thought he was on a land line. Howard played more of the clip where he and Benjy talked about going out to dinner and things like that. Benjy did some shtick where he freaked out and told Jon to hang up on Howard. It was very weird. More details are here.
Benjy was suggesting that Howard change his hours there during that part of the show. Howard said he likes how Benjy is already whining about his hours. He said he already has Friday off. Howard said he would like to tailor make that for Benjy but it's not up to him. Howard said he's acting like it's all up to him and it's not. Benjy said he thinks that Howard would be much happier if he did the show at a different hour. Benjy said he's thinking about what Howard would like for his lifestyle.
Howard said he would like to continue working in some capacity there. He said he could say he's not going to work at all. He said part of him says that would be great. He said there's another part that says he'd like to change their schedule and stay in touch with the fans. Howard said the people who pay them have a business plan and they may not want that. Howard said they may not think they need them there enough to pay them. Howard said the advertisers like morning radio so they pay a certain amount. Howard said that's what they're looking at. Howard said he listens to other people's concerns.
Howard said 6-10 live is very attractive to advertisers. Howard said they could do it later in the day but it's not as attractive to the company. Howard said he could say that it doesn't matter and just push his agenda on other people but he's not like that. Benjy said he thinks that the time is one of the biggest pain in the ass things for him. Howard said it is but they're paid well and a lot of people have horrible conditions too. Howard said he'd like to tailor make a job for himself but the people he's working with may not want that.
Robin said that Howard has had to repeat himself 5 times to Benjy. That had turned into the Benjy show all of a sudden.
Benjy said he thinks that Howard loves the work and he'd want to keep going if he could have different hours. Howard said he only goes to work for the money. He said he doesn't love working. He said he spent 4 hours at his desk yesterday and he was doing some work preparing for the guests they have coming in next week. Howard said he has a shit load of people depending on him there and he can't just force changes on the company.
Howard said he wanted to stop talking to Benjy. He said he loves Benjy but he has to get out of this. He said he can't talk to him anymore. Howard said he might have to take some phone calls.
Howard said that someone told him that Neil Patrick Harris was on an episode of Son of the Beach and he didn't remember that. He said he looked one up the other day and watched the clip of Gilbert Gottfried on the show where he played Dracula Gottfried and all of the life guards were turned into vampires. He said it was all so dumb but so funny. There was one episode that Gilbert was in where they made some Osama bin Laden references and it was like a year before 9/11. Howard said they had some other great episodes that he remembered. Howard said the show was funny but it was also one big headache. He said he has stories about that show that he hasn't told. He said he's not sure how anyone can be an executive producer.
The caller asked if they were going to see Artie on the show before they go. Howard said he doesn't know but he doesn't think so.
Howard said that Neil Patrick Harris was on the episode ''Queefer Madness'' and he doesn't remember that one. He said that Tim Stack heard him mention a ''Son of the Beach'' movie and he might be halfway through a script at this point.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes saying he had Billy Joel on the phone. Sour was doing an impression of Imus and Roz Frank. Then he broke into a Billy Joel song after doing the Imus thing. Howard said he wishes that he could play the piano like Sour. He let him play for a couple of minutes. Robin said that Howard would like to be able to play like him but not have his life. Howard said he wouldn't want to live at home with his parents and annoy them all day long. He said he'd like to be able to play like him and still be Howard Stern.
Howard asked Sour about his parents. Sour, in an unusual moment, spoke in his normal voice and told Howard that his parents were out getting breakfast. He told Howard that he goes to the rotary phone to get the high quality sound that he gets for Howard. He said he dials in and Will answers. He did an impression of Will telling him to turn down his radio. Sour then broke into his DJ voice and introduced another Billy Joel song. He did an impression of Gary talking about how great the song is. He had Howard and Robin laughing at that.
Howard asked Sour if he ever thought about becoming a real musician. Sour said that's what he did when he put out the coloring book and the CD. Howard said he was being serious. Sour said he never really did want to be a regular recording artist.
Sour told Howard about how he wrote some songs on his own but he was joking about them. He got serious about it for a minute and then played his own original song. Howard introduced him playing ''Spirit'' but Howard didn't seem to like it. Howard said maybe when he gets to the chorus it would get better. Sour said that was the chorus. Fred said he should cover that with a manhole cover.
Howard said that Sour could be like David Bryant from Bon Jovi and just be in another band. Robin said he might not be that talented. She said that he just can't fit into anything. Robin said Riley Martin could be a great radio personality if he could just stay calm.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He said he likes how it goes from left to right in his headphones.
Howard said Tracy was out there so he had to get him in there. Howard said Tracy is out promoting his HBO special ''Black and Blue.'' Tracy came in so Howard asked if he likes that Kanye West song about assholes and douche bags. Tracy said he's not really into that. Howard played the song and Tracy said he's on a whole other level now. He said he's old school when it comes to hip hop. He said he likes Jay-Z though. Howard said Jay-Z is coming in next week actually.
Howard asked Tracy why he doesn't like that. Tracy said they're honoring douche bags and assholes in the song. He said he has to stop doing that to him. Howard said it sounds like he's disagreeing with the message the song is sending. Tracy said he's into more upbeat songs. He likes feel good music.
Howard asked Tracy about Aretha Franklin and Gladys Knight. Tracy said he's a big fan of Aretha and she's his favorite out of those two. Tracy told Howard about Lenny Kravitz doing a show that he saw and how he got to hang out with him. Howard said they must have gotten a lot of pussy. Tracy said that you can get some ''tender dick'' and you get that when a woman love talks to you.
Howard said he saw Tracy on Letterman the other night. He said he had to sit through 3 segments of the Chilean Miner before Tracy. He and Tracy talked about that miner for a couple of minutes. They were wondering what it was like living in the mine for that long.
Howard asked Tracy why he wasn't on Letterman first. Tracy said he was cool with it. That guy was stuck in a mine for 60 days. Howard said he's been on Letterman before so he knows that you have to plan out what to do. Tracy said he doesn't do that too much. He said he keeps his mind open until the last minute. Howard said he'll do that too but he does have a plan just in case something doesn't happen during the show to get him going.
Howard said he feels that Letterman gives Tracy attitude. He said he makes faces while he's saying things and he's kind of looking down on him. Tracy said that the condescending thing is just an act. Howard said he used to do that with Dave too but he didn't like it. He said he had to call Dave and ask him to respect him a little bit. Tracy said that's like two huge monsters going oat it. He said it's like Godzilla and Mega Godzilla going at it.
Howard asked Tracy why he lets Letterman do what he does. Tracy said he gets what Howard sees there but he's comfortable with it. He said Howard is looking at it like a reality TV show but it's not like that. Howard said he thinks that Tracy is brilliant and Dave should be saying that too.
Howard asked Tracy about the HBO special and found out that he shot this one at the Apollo. Tracy was talking about the difference between doing it there and Carnegie Hall. Tracy said that the audience at the Apollo is hip. He said that's the major difference. Tracy said that you have to do good at the Apollo too because if you don't bring it then you get the hook. Howard said that must be a lot of pressure. Tracy said he makes people laugh all day long so it's not a lot of pressure.
Tracy said he likes people who come to laugh. He said he's shooting for the gut when he does his stuff. Howard asked if he has ever bombed. Tracy said he has but that was before he was famous. He said Howard will never see it now.
Howard said getting up on stage is very brave. He said it has to be mind blowing to keep people laughing for an hour or two. He asked how you win an audience over in the first 30 seconds. Tracy said you just have to relate and say ''what's up'' and you get them. He said you just have to be real with the audience. Howard asked what it's like at the Apollo. Tracy said some shit has happened there. He said he got black love that day. Tracy said he got two extra apple pies when he went to McDonald's. He said he told the audience that and that broke the ice.
Howard said he went to an Italian restaurant and when he went to pay his bill they wanted to give it to him free. He said that they work hard and he didn't want to take a free meal. He said it was really nice and a sweet gesture though. Howard said it's hard to accept that though. Tracy said you have to give and receive love unconditionally.
Howard said he heard that Tracy broke up with his girlfriend. Tracy asked who told him that. Howard said he heard through the grapevine. Tracy said they're just friends now. Howard said she was a piece of ass. He was with her for 4 years. Howard said he just kicked her out the door. Tracy said she's cool people. Tracy said it was about being happy. Howard said she must have given him the ultimatum. Tracy said that she may have demanded that he marry her. Howard asked if he was cheating. Tracy said he wouldn't do that. Howard asked what happened. Tracy said that it was a lot for her to deal with him. He said that people were writing mean stuff about her so she needed a break.
Howard asked if this chick is still around. Tracy said she's still with him. He said that she's all good. Howard wanted to see a picture of her so he asked the guys to find that. Howard asked what was wrong with her and why he broke up. Tracy said when you fuck with Tracy Morgan there are a lot of rumors out there. Tracy said there were rumors about him fucking around with other women and she got upset about that. Tracy said they just had to take a break. Howard said it sounds like she didn't believe him and that's why he had to call it off. Howard said he wouldn't believe him either.
The guys had a picture of a woman up on the screen a minute later. Howard asked if that was Tenisha. Tracy didn't seem to recognize her. Tracy said that was someone else. Then they found another picture that was Tenisha. Howard said he must be out of his mind breaking up with that. Howard said he must have lost his mind. Tracy said she loved the shit out of him. Howard said he'd put his tongue so far up her ass.
Tracy saw Benjy and that led to Howard saying that Benjy is ''in his life'' which is a shtick that Benjy has done to Tracy out on the street a couple of times.
Howard saw another picture of Tenisha and asked if that was her. Tracy said that was her. He said that they're still together. He said that the rumors are not true and they are together. He said that Tenisha is pregnant with his baby. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about. Tracy was jerking him around about the break up.
Tracy said he has a 19 year old son and that's his youngest. He said he needs the sound of little feet running around again. He said his daughter is probably going to be 18 pounds, 42 punches when she's born. Howard asked if it was an accident. Tracy said it was planned. He said he's going to get married too. They're just doing a quiet thing with some friends.
Howard asked Tracy where Tenisha went to school. Tracy wasn't sure. Howard said he should know that shit after dating her for 4 years. Tracy said he has a connection with her. Howard said he should know that kind of stuff. He said he's not paying attention close enough. Tracy said he helped her get her teeth fixed and stuff like that. He said she's 6 years old. He said she's in her prime. Howard figured he was going to move to Jersey like Eddie Murphy did. Tracy said he's moving to Englewood.
Howard asked Tracy if his ex-wife knows that Tenisha is pregnant. Tracy said she didn't know. She's going to know now. Howard found that pretty funny. Tracy was just revealing this stuff for the first time.
Howard asked Tracy if his kids are okay with this new baby. Tracy said they'll be fine. He said he's going to get a pre-nup. He said he's 42 and he's going to settle down now. He's not going to fuck around with other women. Tracy said ''Pussy Schmussy... I'm done with that shit.''
Howard gave Tracy some plugs for his HBO special. Tracy asked if he had seen it yet. Howard said he hasn't seen it. Tracy said there's some great stuff in that special. It's an hour long special.
Howard said that he and Tracy were at a Knicks game and Spike Lee was there. He said that Spike and Tracy would talk but Spike won't even look at him. Robin said she got the hi sign from him but that was about it.
Tracy said Robin looks really good to him. He said Janet Jackson has that look too. He said that Robin looks good without make up just like Janet. He said she probably looks good with crust in her eyes.
Howard said he tried to hook Robin up with BeBe Winans yesterday. Tracy said that must be Robin's thing. Howard asked who his favorite artist is. Tracy said it's Michael Jackson. Howard said Jay-Z thinks that ''Thriller'' is the best album of all time. Howard said he doesn't agree with that because he'd probably say it was a Beatles album.
Howard said he didn't know that Tracy's father was in comedy. Tracy said his father was a funny man. He said he was a musician too. Tracy said he was fucked up on heroin over in Vietnam too. Tracy said he can't imagine his son going over there at 17 to fight. He said that fucked his family up. He said it fucked up a lot of families.
Howard said he was talking about Vietnam with Beth last night. He said he and his daughter were talking about it too. Tracy said that's the kind of shit that's going on over in Afghanistan now. It's the same shit.
Tracy told Howard that his father went AWOL a couple of times and the first time his brother was conceived and then he was conceived the second time. He said his father even showed him where he was conceived. Tracy said that he told him where he did his mother and in what position she was in.
Howard told Tracy that he used a rubber all the time. Tracy said if you're not willing to die for it then you really don't want it. Tracy was saying that he'd stick his dick down somebody's throat. He said his helmet is the same shape as Darth Vader's helmet. He said he has a big dick and it's nice.
Howard asked Tracy if he has constant temptation. Tracy said it's all over the place. Howard asked if women come up to him asking to do him all the time. Tracy said they do. He said he has charm and a sense of humor... and power. He said that's what they want. Tracy said that he tells his girl that he's there for her though. He said he's in bed with her.
Howard said Tracy is away from home for days at a time. He said his girlfriend must worry. Tracy said she knows he's there for her. Howard said he's proud of him for having his head screwed on straight. Tracy said he's surrendered.
Howard gave Tracy a plug for his upcoming HBO special. Tracy said he loves talking to Howard. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has any new impressions or anything. Howard interrupted and said that when you're on Saturday Night Live you have to do characters. Tracy said he would do original characters on SNL. He said he liked doing Woodrow the best. Howard said that Jim Breuer does a great impression of Tracy.
Another caller asked Tracy about how many women he's had in one day. Tracy said when he was really young he would do that stuff. He had 4 women at once at one time. Howard asked if Lorne Michaels was there for that. Tracy said he wasn't there. Howard asked if he was alone in bed. Tracy said it was him and 4 other women. Tracy said he just did them all and ''dicked them down.'' Then he said he used rubbers all the time back then. A minute before he was saying he never uses them. Howard asked where he met those women. Tracy said they were just his girls from back in the day.
Howard asked Tracy about the Jackson's on Oprah. They spent a minute talking about that. Tracy was joking about the goofy names that they gave those kids. Howard said it would have been great if Tracy had just walked in during the interview with the Jackson kids.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if his wife goes down on him and sucks his dick. Tracy said this guy is sick. King said his wife was sucking his dick last night. Howard ended up hanging up on him and wrapped up with Tracy. Howard gave him some more plugs. Tracy said that Tenisha is really the best thing that's ever happened to him. He said he's with her and he's not broken up. He said that he's ready to climb the Empire State Building to fight people off of her. Howard asked if she ever lived with another guy before him. Tracy said he's not opening that can of worms. He said he knows that Howard is trying to do the Jedi Mind Trick on him and he's not having it. Howard said he wants him to bring Tenisha in there so they can ask her about where she went to school and things like that. Howard said Tracy has to pay more attention to her.
Tracy asked when Howard is going to come out and see him do a show. Howard said he should. Howard asked Tracy if he thinks that he's one of the greatest comedians of all time. Tracy said he's not there yet. Howard said Eddie Murphy was the best in his time. Howard said that Tracy is in a category all by himself. Howard said Chris Rock is an amazing stand-up. He said he hasn't seen Tracy's stand-up yet so he has to wait to see that HBO special.
Howard asked Tracy who he thinks is the best stand-up. Tracy said Richard Pryor was the best. He said the guy experienced all that life had to offer. He said he articulated all of that to the people. Howard asked what the top 10 songs on a juke box are. Tracy actually started to rattle off a couple of songs. Howard was referring to Gary's book lists when he brought that up. Tracy said he hates leaving this show. He said he loves talking to Howard. Howard said he loves talking to him too. Howard gave Tracy some more plugs and wrapped up with him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was talking to Gary about the new Jay-Z book ''Decoded.'' Howard said it's a piece of art. He said he's got a good story in the epilogue too. He said he writes about having a meal with Oprah and Oprah was lecturing him about his language in his songs and Jay-Z told her that she just doesn't understand even though he gets her standpoint on all of that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked if they're done with him. Howard asked what he was talking about. Jeff said he wants Sour to sing with Billy Joel. Jeff said he thought he was their go to guy for singing. Jeff asked if they were going to have Sour Shoes wing with Billy Joel. Howard said they're not doing that. Jeff said that's what he was told by one of the interns. Gary asked when they established he was their go to guy for singing. Howard said they didn't.
Howard said Jeff isn't his go to guy for anything. Jeff said he thought he was. Howard said if Sour gets to do something it doesn't take away from him.
Jeff said Mariann from Brooklyn is pissed off at him. Howard said that's good for her. Howard said he needs people to say no to him. He said he's like a little boy.
Gary said Jeff is a chronic complainer. He said he was living on his own and doing okay. He said that his brother moved in and he wanted him out. Now he wants money from them because he doesn't have a roommate. Howard said that's called ''Get a job.'' Howard said if you feed the dog at the dinner table the dog is going to come back every time. Gary said all Jeff wanted was his brother out of his house and now that he has it he's complaining he doesn't have any money.
Howard asked what he said to Mariann that got her pissed. He said that he was talking to her about Sour Shoes and she thought it would be good if he sang with Billy Joel. He yelled at her that it would be real fucking good. Howard was about to let Jeff go but he was about to ask for something. Howard hung up on him because he didn't want to hear him ask for money.
Wheels called in and had some phone problems. Wheels said that he wanted to ask Tracy about crying on Oprah. He said that fag Will Murray didn't put him up on Howard's screen. Howard said he didn't see him up there. Wheels said that Tracy did start crying on Oprah and he was doing that because he felt they looked down on him when he was on SNL.
Wheels also told Howard about a bedbug cover you can put in your bed. Howard said that the schools are overrun with them there in the city and they have to do something. Howard said the bed cover thing is only good for the bed. The bugs are all over the place, not just in beds. Howard said that they're being over run by these bugs and they have to bring back DDT.
Wheels asked for a game since he crashed his van last week. He said his old girlfriend ripped the side off of his van at a drive-thru. He said he sent a picture of himself with a hard on to Howard and Will refused to put it up for him. Will said that it was disgusting. He said it was weird looking. He said it looked dead like his legs. Wheels said he can get it up. He said he just has to smack it and it gets hard. Will said it looked like a parking cone. Wheels said he wanted Denise Richards to see it.
Howard said he had a Little Lupe Celebrity game to play with Wheels. This was for the chance to win $711. Howard said they asked Little Lupe about celebrities and she has to explain who they are. They asked her who Regis Philbin was. Howard asked Wheels if he thinks she'll know who he is. Wheels said no. Lupe said he sells ice cream.
Howard played another one where they asked Lupe who George Bush was. Howard asked Wheels if he thinks she'll know. Wheels said yes. Lupe said he's a really mean guy... president.
The next celebrity was Winston Churchhill. Wheels said no. Lupe said he was an inventor. Howard said Wheels won $711 pretty easy there. That money was from 7-Eleven.
Howard said he loves his life. He said all they do is eat dinner, watch TV and play chess. Howard said he loves that. Howard said Beth is doing a lot of stuff so she tells him about her day and he tells her about his day. He said she'll go off and shop online and he'll go play chess. He won't tell her that he's playing chess though. He said it just annoys her. Then they watch TV. Last night they watched 3 ''In Treatment'' shows in a row. They're all caught up now. Howard said they can't be the same person but they do have to be into some of the same things.
Howard said that he likes to run with Beth but he still has the broken toe. He has a couple more weeks to go before he's done with that.
Howard said he was watching some TV last night and saw Rod Stewart on that Country Music Awards. He said he couldn't believe what Rod was singing. He said he saw Taylor Swift on there and wanted to see her in a little skirt but it turned out not to be so great. Howard said he loved Rod Stewart and he doesn't get why he's singing the stuff he's singing. Howard asked what the fuck he's doing.
The caller asked what happens when Beth comes into the room. Howard said Beth comes in wearing a nightie and a t-shirt. He said she gets in the bed and smells really good. He said they usually hold hands in bed but if she snuggles up to him then he knows he's getting laid. Howard said he wears his sexy boxers to bed. He said he showers up before bed. He said he gets gamy during the day so he has to do that. Howard said he has to shower up his penis because he's got a stink coming off of it after a day. Howard said that she actually played with his penis last night so he knew she needed it. The caller asked if she blew him. Howard said that she didn't blow him or anything. It was too late to be doing that. They got right down to business and got it done.
Howard said girls don't really need foreplay from him. He said he's instantly hard with Beth. He said he has no problem doing that. Howard said he wanted to see her naked but he was already hard.
The caller asked if he has ever left the condom on the night stand. Howard said he has done that but it makes him paranoid. He said he knows where he is in her cycle. He said that he usually gets it in the right spot but he does miss once in a while. He said that he will knock on the wrong door at times. Howard said there should be a buzzer there. Howard said he's not trying to sneak it in there or anything though.
Howard said he and Beth do their favorite positions. He said they have 3 to 5 favorites. He said missionary is how they start most of the time. He said sometimes they do it standing up and he takes her from behind. Howard said that must be some treat for her seeing him coming up behind her naked.
Howard said they started out missionary. He said he can hold out the longest that way. Once she finishes then he's free to do other positions.
Howard said he went out to dinner with his daughter yesterday and he was loaded up with garlic. He said he belched during ''In Treatment'' and Beth was grossed out by that. Howard said she didn't even want to come close to him. He said she should like him under any circumstance but the garlic really gets to her.
Howard said they started out in missionary and Beth had her orgasm. He said she swallows her own vomit to show when she's done. Howard said when that is done then he can do whatever he wants. Howard said he took Beth on her side after that. Howard said this is like a porno position. Howard said he's on top and she's on her side. Howard said they are very busy when they do this stuff. He said he didn't want to give away all of the details. He said they have other positions too but he can barely contain himself when he sees her in this position.
Howard said that's it when they're all done. Howard said he has a whole ritual with the condom too. Howard said he has a paranoia about the condom being found by the cleaning lady. Howard said they went to a cottage up in Vermont once and they were the first guests there. He said he took the condom off because he didn't finish for some reason. He just threw it on the night table and forgot about it. He said the poor cleaning woman covered it with a napkin. He said it was stuck to the table and left a ring around the table. Howard said he told Beth they had to check out because they must have all known. Howard said they haven't been back since because they were so ashamed. Fred played some tearing sounds as Howard described that scene.
The caller asked if he could plug his business. Howard said he could but he really didn't want to get into that. The guy said his site is IconRealtyNJ.com. Howard asked if they were going to go on that site. No one was.
Benjy asked Howard why he goes in his closet to have sex. Howard said the closet is kind of big and it's kind of sexy. He said that happens in there once in a while. He said the closet is real big. Howard said it feels more like a room than a closet. Benjy said he knows the position he was talking about too. Robin said she knows it too and there is a lot of friction in there for the woman. Howard said he's so glad that no one can see what he's up to when he's doing that stuff.
Howard said it's amazing how you can just jerk off and move on to something important. Robin said that people wonder why we're here on this planet and it's just so we can create more people. That's it. There's no other reason.
Howard asked Robin if she never wanted kids. Robin said she wouldn't say that. She said she wasn't going by her biological clock or anything. Howard asked why her drive didn't kick in so she'd just marry someone and have kids. Robin said she just never had that. She said she had kids in her life and it was enough. She said she didn't have that ''I Must Produce'' thing going through her.
Howard said Benjy wanted Eric to call in so he could explain the bit to him. Benjy said he wasn't even going to try and talk him into it. Howard said Gary has something for Eric to do but they're not going to tell him what it is now.
Howard said that no one would even know that Eric is doing this if he didn't play this recording from YouTube. In the clip Eric said he heard that they were talking to Benjy about talking to him and he doesn't care. He said he doesn't care if he talks to Benjy or not. Howard said he will care when he stops being noticed. Howard said if Eric does call he shouldn't take his call. He said he may not be able to resist though.
Gary said Eric's hair is completely white now and he has those glasses on and you can't see his whole head. He said he has aged like 20 years in the past week. Howard played more of the video and Eric said he has no desire to go back to the show. He said they're a bunch of arrogant pricks who don't care about anyone else. Eric said he's tired of being verbally abused by them. Howard said he's the one being abused by Eric.
Eric goes on to say that he's had enough of it. Howard said he's tired of Eric going back on his word. Eric says he won't call in to talk to Benjy. Robin said he'll call in before the show is done in 16 shows. Eric said he won't participate in the show ever again.
Eric goes on to talk about Peter Dinklidge and Marty the Midget saying that he could be an actor if they can. Howard said he bets that Marty knows what 9x7 is. Eric said that the Little Couple has a reality show and they got that without being involved with Stern. He said that there are a lot of actors that have gotten work without Stern.
Robin said Eric did get his roles through Howard's show. Howard said Marty has been on the show too. Howard said that Eric is very irate and angry. Robin wondered why he used the word Midget in that. Howard said he's going to have to find another midget for the show. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and got Mike Walker on the line to play his game. Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard didn't believe a lot of the stories. He said he wasn't sure which one to pick. Howard said each one was faker than the next. Howard said he had to pick something. He went with story 3. He said that was just retarded. Robin went with story number 3 as well. Fred went with that one as well. The actual fake story was number one.
Steve said that 3 days after the marathon they have pictures of Robin finishing the run. Howard said that was proof. Howard said a lot of people doubted her. Howard said there was even a song going around about her not finishing. That was from Little Mikey. He sang ''I Wanna Know If Robin Completed The Race.'' Robin said she can see the clock there and it says 6:13 but she thought it was 6:09. Howard told her not to worry about it.
Steve said that Gary's book will be on the NY times Best Seller list at number 6. Howard said he's proud of him about that. Steve mentioned some of the stuff they'd be covering with Gary going out to L.A.
Howard said that he got some email about Gary's lists. He read through some of those. There were some people who were suggesting more lists for Gary. The fans seemed to love the list segments when they goof on Gary. Howard ended up going off on Gary about his lists again. Howard said his list was dumb and that's why he was goofing on him.
Howard read some email about BeBe Winans interview. Howard read a bunch of those and the fans think that Robin should go out with him. One fan said that BeBe was too boring and stuck up for Robin. Howard had a few others that he read through.
Howard said they got a bunch of email about Robin's nipple being hard in one of the pictures. He said he went and looked at it but there was nothing there. Howard said maybe it's BeBe's nipple they were talking about. Fred said he could see the nip. Howard said there may have been a little bit there. Howard read some email about Ronnie and his intern issues. Howard said he got slammed in the email.
Steve said that he got an angry voice mail from Eric the Midget telling him that he can't interview Johnny Fratto anymore. Johnny told Steve that Eric isn't done with the Stern Show yet. Howard said Eric can't tell Steve who he can interview.
Howard said Adam Carolla is on the NY Times Best Seller list at number 8. Gary beat him out with his number 6.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the list of subjects he had for today's show.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Mutt said they'll be talking to this guy Chad who did the John the Stutterer impression for the contest they had in there recently. They'll also talk about a lot of stuff that's been going on with the show lately. That's on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin read a story about a black kid who has been bullied in an Ohio school and how school officials are trying to calm things down. The parents are going to be moving the kids out of the area. Howard said he wishes that his parents had moved him like that. Howard did an impression of his mother talking about staying in Germany even though Hitler was in charge. He said she would have stayed there just like they stayed in Roosevelt. He did his impression of his mom for a few minutes talking about that stuff and other things that he had to deal with when he was a kid.
Robin read about how there may be a protest on the busiest travel day of the year. She said that they're calling on people to opt out of the body scanners at airports and just be patted down. Robin said that this will make the wait times even longer. Howard asked if you can really see boobs and penis on those scanners. Robin said they have made it so it's not in that much detail. Howard said he's not going to go through that humiliation. He would rather have the pat down. Robin read more about that story and then Howard read a live commercial.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked where he and Beth had sex that risked people seeing them. Howard said he never does that. He did it in a limo once but that was it. Howard said he wouldn't do it in public. There's too much pressure to do that. Gary did it in a coat room at a party once. He said they did it on a bunch of coats at a community center. Robin sounded freaked out by that. She said she wouldn't want people having sex on her coat. Gary said he once did it in the elevator at 3 in the morning. Howard said that's not sexy to him.
Robin read about some new iPad competitors. She said the Samsung Galaxy Tab is out this month. Howard said he likes the iPad but he needs it to run Flash. He said he needs it to play chess online. Howard said he may switch so he can have flash. Howard said he wants the web site to work the way he likes it. He said he may wait for the Blackberry pad to come out. Howard said he will buy the device that can do what the iPad can do but with Flash. He said he's hoping the Blackberry will be that pad. Howard said he would be an iPad guy if they just did it the way he wants it done. He said they should be consulting with the King of All Media. Howard said he's going to be like Eric the Midget and say they have one week to fix this and then it's goodbye forever. He did his impression of Eric as he said that.
Robin read about a person who was fired after bashing their boss on Facebook. Robin said the company fired the person after they found out about it. Howard wondered if people have zero brain power when it comes to that. Robin said many companies monitor postings by their employees.
Ralph called in and told Howard to get a netbook. He said they do everything a computer does. He said maybe Howard could have them make a good app for him so he can play chess. Howard said he likes the laptop with the nipple in the middle of the keyboard. Howard said IBM (actually Lenovo) makes those. Howard said he doesn't want to support the companies that rip off good ideas but if they're doing it the right way then he's going to do it. Ralph doesn't think they need Flash and said ''Fuck flash'' as he was hanging up.
Robin said that some people are upset with Amazon.com for selling a self published book about pedophiles. Robin said that the author claims he wrote the book to establish guidelines. Howard said he heard that they're pulling the book. That led to Howard playing the NAMBLA voice mail message that they've played so many times over the years. Robin said that guy sold just one copy of his book. Howard had to read a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a police chief in Oklahoma who was arrested on child sex abuse. Robin read the details about that and he's being accused of having inappropriate contact with a 4 year old boy. Robin had some audio clips of a woman talking about what was going on with that case.
Howard took a call from a guy who had fallen asleep. He was snoring and had the TV on. Howard wondered how he could sleep through the show that was on. Howard wondered how you watch TV and listen to this show. He said that there must be such a thing as multitasking even though his mother doesn't believe in it.
Robin read about the G20 summit and had some audio of Obama talking about what people should expect to see.
Robin had some news about John Boener and pronounced it ''Bay-ner'' and Howard said he thinks the guy is just trying not to be called ''Boner.'' Fred said the German pronunciation is closer to Boner than Bayner. They spent a couple of minutes on that and some other political discussions that JD got in on too. They were talking about George Soros.
Robin read about how warnings on cigarette packages may get more graphic. She had some audio of a guy talking about how they may put pictures of dead people and things like that on the packages.
Robin had some news about a protest that's going to be happening at a high school. The God Hates Fags people are coming out to protest over their usual thing.
Robin said that Bret Michaels is denying the rumors that he had an affair with Miley Cyrus' mom, Tish. Howard said that's pretty cool. Robin had some audio of Bret talking about that. Howard said at least they're saying he fucked the mom and not the kid. Tish and Bret are both denying that they had an affair.
Robin read a story about the obesity problem that's actually around the world, not just the United States. Robin read that story and Howard said that they have an obesity problem there with Jon Hein, Jason and JD getting fat. Howard said Jason had a huge jersey on and it looked like a dress. He said it was a weird look. Howard asked Jason what that was. Fred did his impression of Jason saying ''It was actually a car cover...''
Jason said he feels like that hides everything. Howard said Jason looked bigger than ever yesterday. He said it was like a huge Knicks dress for the fat man. He told him to avoid that shirt.
Robin read about how people are curious about why Bristol Palin is still on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he thinks it's a Sanjaya type of movement to keep her on. He said it's odd that she hasn't lost a pound dancing too. He said everyone loses weight doing that. It shows that she really doesn't try hard. He said she's a spoiled kid who doesn't try.
Robin read a story about a judge that's resigning because of her odd behavior in court. She had allowed a film crew in the court and she was basically trying to get her own show like Judge Judy. She was making a mockery of the judicial system.
Robin read a story about how Cher is going to be on Letterman tonight. Howard had guessed who it was going to be before Robin mentioned it was Cher. He wondered who else has just one name. Fred threw in the Baba Booey audio clip when Howard asked. Howard said he'd like to meet Cher and Ron Zimmerman should invite him over. Robin wasn't sure that was a good idea. Howard said she might be right. Howard said he just wants to hang out with Chaz.
Robin read about Lou Dobbs moving to the FOX Business network. Howard said he doesn't care.
Robin said that Unstoppable is hitting theaters tomorrow. She had Rosario Dawson talking about that. Howard said he doesn't think he wants to see that. He didn't listen to much of Rosario talking.
Robin had some Harry Potter audio clips too. She had Helena Bonham Carter talking about her role in the movie. Howard didn't last long with that clip.
Robin had some audio of Colin Firth talking about a movie he's going to be in that's coming out soon. She also congratulated Pink on being pregnant. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Jon congratulated Gary on making the NY Times Best Seller List. Gary said he can use that for the rest of his life. He said he's psyched about the whole thing. Gary said he's looking forward to going out to L.A. because he'll get some sleep on the way out there.
Jon said that he wanted to start off talking about Tracy Morgan. He said it's always crazy when he stops by. Gary said Tracy is just as crazy in the green room as he is on the show. He said he wrote something down about a conversation they had. He said he said hi to Tracy and he told him about the headphones and asked him not to touch his microphone. He said a line to him that he didn't understand and Tracy just told him that it's something that he didn't understand either but white people think it makes him sound smart.
Jon said that Tracy may have said some stuff that he shouldn't have. He broke the news that his girlfriend is pregnant and you wonder where that came from. Jon said that's what makes him a good guest.
Jon said Howard played that Kanye West song for Tracy thinking he'd be into it. Gary said that was very funny. They talked about Tracy talking about doing his show at the Apollo and what he was saying about how you have to do well or they'll give you the hook. Gary said he went to the Apollo once and he saw a guy bomb. He said that it was so cool to watch because the crowd had no mercy and they booed him off the stage. Gary said he saw the hook they have for pulling people off stage too.
The guys talked about the pictures they found of Tracy's girlfriend. Benjy said he thinks that he loves her and he intends to marry her but he may want to sleep with other women. Gary said that sounds like Benjy. Benjy said he thinks that every guy wants to have a woman in their life but sleep with other women. Jon asked if Howard and Tracy have a mutual respect for each other. Gary said he thinks they do.
Weekly caller Lilly called in and asked about the stuff Howard was saying about how David Letterman treats him. She said that it's all of Howard's insecurities that he's projecting on the guests. Gary said he doesn't know that it's him projecting them on the guests.
Lilly also asked Benjy if he realizes that if he were to work anywhere else he'd be considered antisocial. Benjy said he doesn't consider himself antisocial. Lilly said that what he does outside of the show is very antisocial. Benjy said that's not his main contribution to the show though. He said he writes for the show all day long. Benjy said that's not what he's known for on the show though because that's kind of invisible. Lilly asked if Benjy would rather scream all day or have a closed mic. Benjy said he would like to have an open mic but not scream. Jon said that today was the most he's heard Howard and Benjy speak seriously. Benjy said they've spoken off the air like that a lot.
Lilly said that it's amazing that Benjy is able to do what he does on the show and not be judged for it. She said she thinks that he's brilliant and he should have his IQ tested. She had to run because her baby was crying. She told Gary how much she loved his book.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he doesn't understand what they see in Tracy Morgan. He said he's not that funny. The guy said he acts like he's got a 4th grade mentality. Gary said that there's nothing wrong with that. He said that it's okay that he doesn't like him but he and Howard find him appealing. Benjy said he finds the guy hilarious. He said he has some great thoughts and he's very funny. He looks forward to when he comes on the show. Benjy asked who the caller likes on the show. The caller said he liked Dice and Colin Quinn. He said he turned the channel today when Tracy was on.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to know if Gary would do a movie about his book if he had to quit the show. Gary said no. Then the caller said he'd be paid $10-15 million. Gary said he would quit the show then. He said that he'd never get a deal like that though. Gary said if he could get $15 million he'd quit the show and do nothing.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Tracy would be a roaster if Howard Stern was going to be roasted. Gary said they need a certain level of comedian and Tracy fits the bill for him. Benjy said he would laugh at anything Tracy says but he's not sure that he'd be a roaster. Gary said he'd have to have Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld on the roast. That's the kind of people they'd have to have in there. Lisa Lampanelli might be part of that too. They said that Gilbert might be part of that and maybe Don Rickles.
The caller asked if they're going to do anything like that roast before they leave there. Gary said all they know is that they don't know anything about what they're doing. Gary said they're just moving ahead and they don't have a plan for a final show. Gary said if it doesn't work out and they find out a week before their last show then maybe they'll do something special.
Jon said it sounds like Howard would like to be there but apparently they don't want him to start later in the day but they are trying to work something out. Jon said they've missed all of their deadlines so far. Gary said that he never thought Howard would have gone this far without being signed again. Gary said he figured by November 2nd he'd have something worked out. Gary said he still doesn't know what he's going to be doing next year so he can't plan his vacations.
The caller asked about Howard's contract and if he'd stay just to get the stock to go back up since he owns some. The caller said that Howard was compensated with the stock. Gary said he's not sure Howard even still owns it. Gary and Jon didn't have any answers for the guy about that.
The caller said that Mel signed Howard back in the day and he can't imagine that Howard would walk away from Mel now. Gary said that Howard has to do what's best for him but there could be a bit of a dilemma there. Jon said that Howard and the company have to work out what they want to do there. Gary said there are probably a lot of options there on the table. He said Howard doesn't want to work as hard but he wants to keep working. He said they're probably working on those things and trying to come to a compromise.
Benjy started in on his time change vortex again. He said he was asking Howard about it for his own interests but he still thinks that Howard would like to change the time he does the show. Benjy has a whole theory about what would make Howard happy about changing the time he starts the show.
Jon asked Gary if the show starting later would be a good thing or a detriment. Gary said he has gotten used to the hours and they do have the benefit of getting home early in the day so he can do things. He said that more time off is more beneficial than the hours. Ronnie said he's used to it too so it doesn't matter to him. He said that the traffic would be different but he doesn't think that's going to change anyway.
Jon asked Ronnie why he didn't go into the studio when Howard asked him to. Ronnie said he was talking to someone out in the lobby. He said he didn't want to get into it again so he stayed out.
Jon asked Ronnie about the intern thing and Ronnie said he has learned his lesson with this one. Gary said they had an intern there who wrote a poem about him and it bothered the shit out of him. He said he never said a word about it to her. He said he treated her the same the whole time she was there but inside he couldn't stand her. He said that's what Ronnie isn't able to do. He said he should just turn it off and keep his mouth shut. Ronnie said he'd right.
Jon asked Ronnie if Scott needs an intern. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he's not in there all day. Ronnie said that the interns are trying to learn what he does on the board. He said Scott shows them what he does and they help him out. He said the guy is learning. Jon said that Evan came in and said that Scott doesn't need an intern. Ronnie said he doesn't know because it's not part of his job.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he needs a security intern. Ronnie didn't like that. He said that Benjy just has to mess with him. Benjy isn't usually one of the guys who messes with him though. Ronnie said he was on him yesterday about stuff and he just has to stick his two cents in. Benjy said that's right but that's what they do on this show.
Ronnie told the guys about how Howard was really getting pissed at Benjy in the car yesterday. He said he wasn't happy about what he was saying about going out to eat. The two of them were arguing about that.
Jason said looked at the log and it looks like Howard is right about what he said about Benjy that night. He said that Benjy ordered a giant salad. Benjy said there were a few dinners that they're talking about. He said there was the wedding dinner too. Gary said that the one Howard is focused on is the dinner that a bunch of them went to and Benjy kept eating while everyone else was waiting for desert. Gary said that it was a classy restaurant and they were doing everything properly. Benjy said he told them to just order and he'd finish his plate.
Ronnie said one other thing flipped Howard out. He said that Benjy freaking out about the Detlev Bronk name really bothered him. Benjy claimed he was just doing shtick yesterday when he did that.
Gary said that Benjy's mother is a really nice woman but he's not sure that's really his mom. He said it wouldn't surprise him if he came in one day and said that wasn't really his mom. Benjy said he had an idea to hire a big, black woman to come in as his Mammy. He said he was going to just start nursing her. Jason said that would have been great.
Jason said that Scott had Medicated Pete as an intern and he'd like to know what he did for him. Scott said that he took care of those CDs. Jason said that almost all of those CDs are screwed up too so they have to send them out to get fixed. Jason said he knows how obnoxious it can be to train the interns every 3-4 months. He said that he's heard that Scott hasn't trained some of the guys to do everything. Scott said he teaches most of them everything. He said that some people just don't get it.
Jon asked Scott about the yelling that he and Evan were doing in the hall. Scott said he was having a conversation, he wasn't yelling. They were just talking about if he needed an intern or not. Benjy said that Evan looks like if Scott had gone through the washing machine like a thousand times.
Scott said that a lot of his interns work for the company now. He said that a few of them work for the company now. Jason said a few of their interns work there too. Scott said that he obviously teaches people something there. JD said that Ronnie makes them rock stars and Scott gets them hired.
Scott said sometimes Robin brings him work 5 minutes before the news and it takes a half hour to do. He said he never says anything to her.
Ronnie said that Steve Langford could be doing the news preview and Robin will bring Scott his news. When Scott wasn't there Robin was giving Jim McClure the work to do at 8:30. He said it was very weird.
Scott said he's fine if they want to take away his intern. He said that if Howard doesn't want him to have one then that's fine. Scott said he can do his job without one.
Benjy said that you'd think that Scott's intern would have to learn the most. He said they could take it to the next place if they work with Scott.
Jason said that he has no idea what Pete did there. JD said he heard that Tracey gave Pete to Scott because she wasn't happy with him. He said he's not the first one who has said that. JD said that's just a rumor though. Scott said that Pete isn't the only bad one he's gotten.
Jon asked Scott about the massages he was getting from interns. Scott wasn't saying much. Benjy said Jason used to get them. Jason said he hates back rubs. Jason said he's seen Benjy get many too. Benjy said that's just not true. Jason said that a few did it for Benjy. Benjy said Jason is making that up. Jason said Benjy was making it up too.
Jon wanted to get back to Scott. Scott said there was one girl, Regan, who was 21 years old... Jon said this was getting creepy. Jason said there was also Gianna. Scott said she was a little older. Scott said they weren't massages either. He said they were just standing behind him watching and they'd rub his shoulders. Scott said he never asked them to do that. Scott said he would say ''That's good but...'' He said he wouldn't take one from a 16 year old or anything. The guys found it funny that he drew the line there.
Ralph called in and said that this is inappropriate on every level. He said they shouldn't be touching Scott at all. Ralph wanted to ask Gary a question but Gary had stepped out. Ralph said he doesn't see what the difference is if Howard starts his show at 7. He said it doesn't matter what time they do the show if it's repeating all the time.
Ronnie said Howard explained it to him and said that the advertisers want him on from 6-10 which is drive time. Benjy said that between 10-11 there are more cars on the road than at 6 in the morning. Jon said that 6-10 is a standard thing in the business though.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that Scott needs an intern. Ralph said sure he does. They're there to help out so why not help Scott. Jason said the argument was if he has enough to do to keep them busy. Scott said he really doesn't ''need'' an intern. Ralph said he gets why he would want one. He said that it seems kind of pointless though if they just turn them over after they're trained.
Jason said that he was thinking about what Ralph was saying about the advertising because he's not live on the West Coast from 6-10. He said that maybe they're just doing that for the east coast advertisers.
Scott said that he likes these hours they have now. He said you can go out shopping and to the doctor in the afternoon. He said it wouldn't bother him if they kept those hours. Scott said he'd rather come in at 6 than 8.
Ralph asked what the rest of them thought between 6 and 7. Jason said that it doesn't matter to him. JD said he would go with whatever. Then he said he'd pick 7. Jon picked 6. Benjy wanted them to go with him to get this movement going. Jason said that if they moved the show to 2 then he'd go out after the show and then sleep in the next morning.
Ralph said they're nuts. He said he remembers coming in that early and 10 minutes made a difference. Jon said that for people who commute it's a big difference because there's more traffic. Ronnie said it wouldn't be that bad even if they started at 7. They'd be at work by 6 anyway.
Gary called in from his car and said that the extra hour isn't enough. He said that it's not something that they're going to give up negotiating over. Gary said he could sleep a little later but maybe Howard wants something else other than the later start time.
Jason said that the hour difference wouldn't matter to him. He said if they started at 2 in the afternoon then it would be a big difference. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about how Howard was saying that he's a very happy guy with the way his life is going right now. He's able to stay happy at home keeping it simple. Jon asked if Howard would be happy not having a job to go to every morning. JD said he thinks Howard needs to have something creative to do.
Gary said he thinks that Howard might like it because he could go out and stay out later. He said that it might not be enough to keep him busy. He might delve into other areas.
Jon asked Gary who he's flying out with. Gary said he's going out by himself. He said that Steve Langford and Jim McClure are going out separately. Benjy asked what his driver looks like. Gary said the guy was listening to him talking.
Jon asked about the sex positions that Howard was talking about. Benjy said the position he was talking about sounded hot to him. He said with a girl like Beth it must be really hot. He also brought up how Howard is only doing it for a couple of minutes. Gary asked how long he can hold out. Benjy said he can hold out a little bit.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's loving Gary's book. He was also saying that he thinks Howard is torn between retiring and keeping the guys working. Jon said Howard has to decide what's right for him. He said he thinks that he keeps the staff in mind too but he's ultimately going to do what's best for him.
Gary said he was talking to Matt Lauer last week and Matt hangs with Howard. He said that he was telling Matt that he was worried and Matt told him that Howard actually does worry about the guys there. Gary said that was nice to hear.
The caller asked if Howard would be able to do better shows if he was working fewer days. Gary said that might make it more difficult. He said that there are days they can't get guests because they aren't there on Friday. Benjy got back on the later show times and how that would help get guests in. Gary said that wouldn't make a difference. Gary said that people are up to do the morning shows anyway so doing later in the day isn't going to get them more guests. Benjy said that it might get the West Coast celebrities on. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Gary said that they might not be able to get as many people on the show if they did less days. He said that they might not be able to do things that they'd like to try if they have less time to do.
The caller asked about what they'd do on the last day if they are done there. Gary said what he loved about Johnny Carson was that he didn't have any guests. He said he thinks that Howard doing the show without guests would be good.
JD said he thinks that Sal and Richard would blow each other on the last show. Gary said it wouldn't be the last show ever, just the last show there. Jon told him not to tell them that.
Jon said that Tim and Howard had just walked by. Tim was wearing something unusual today. JD said he sees Bob Evans with that outfit. He said that he had cowboy boots on. Gary said that it's like a cowboy on his way to a fat farm. Gary and Jon goofed on Tim for a minute about the outfit. JD said he expected to hear him cling and clang as he was walking by.
Jon asked about Jeff the Drunk calling in and complaining about being their go to guy for singing. Gary said he thought it was funny when Howard told Jeff that he's not his go to guy for anything. They talked about Billy Joel coming in next week and how that's going to be great without anyone else in the studio. They had to end the show a short time later.
Best of the Week was over around 11:00am.