|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how they just ran the NBC years special and people were wondering what was up with his voice. Howard said he was born a girl and evolved into a man. He said the truth is that when he was there at NBC he was a wreck. He said he thinks that his voice matured. Howard said he was in his 20s and he had a lot of nervous energy. His voice can get very tight when he gets nervous. That's what it was like back then. Howard said he would get very high strung. Robin said he was talking up high back then. He said he might go back to that.
Howard said he broke his toe over vacation. He said it's so dumb that it's not even a cool story. Howard said he wasn't playing baseball or anything cool like that. Howard said he didn't have a gun fight or drop a weight on it. Howard said he was sitting at this desk at his computer and he got up to go to bed. He stood up and whacked his toe into his desk and it broke. He said it was the little pinkie toe. Howard said he wants to cut it off and be done with it. He said it's amazing how a simple toe can fuck your life up. He can't run for 6 weeks now. Howard said he has it taped but he can barely walk on it. He said the doctor told him to put a boot on it and walk around.
Howard said they told him that if he keeps walking on it they're going to have to break it again and reset it. Howard said they told him he has to walk with his foot to the side now. He said it's so annoying he's not sure what to do. Howard said they told him about this boot he can wear so that's what he's got on now. He said he can take it off though so it's not too bad.
Howard said he's so annoyed he doesn't want to think about it. He said everyone is asking him what happened now. He said he's telling people that he broke his toe and calls them assholes.
Howard asked if Richard and Sal have slowed down with their production. Richard came in and said that Howard is slowing down with approving their stuff. Robin said that maybe it's because he's so skinny. Richard said that people think he looks sick but he's not. He said he's right around 160 pounds right now. He's weighing less than Will Murray and Jared Fox. He showed them his stomach and asked Howard if he wanted to touch ie. Howard said he wanted to rub his penis on it.
Howard said Gary saw ''Jackass 3D'' and Will the Farter has a prominent role in it. Howard said there's a lot of gay shit and a lot of vomiting in the movie too but it's hysterically funny. Howard said that's what happens with Richard and Sal too. He said people say they hate it but then it's the number one show on Howard TV.
Howard asked Richard about how they don't seem to be turning out that much stuff lately. Richard said they're still doing it but Howard hasn't been happy with their stuff. He said they're trying to come up with new ideas all the time and it's tough. Richard said he rejected one that they did with George Takei talking like Little Lupe.
Howard said he might have to play that to let everyone hear what he rejected. Robin said the last time they did that she laughed and it made it into the rotation. Richard told Howard which one it was so Howard could play it. Howard said it'll probably turn out to be funny now. Howard said he hasn't heard anything new since then. Richard said they gave him one but he wasn't happy with that one either.
Howard played one of the calls he rejected and it was one where they took Howard's voice and called an old guy named Benjy and had him talking to the guy about being late for work. Fred laughed at that one but Howard told him it's not funny. Robin was laughing at the end of the call. Howard said he didn't find it funny.
Howard told Gary to never play that one on the air again. Richard said that was like the 150th guy they called with those clips. Howard said he didn't like it. Howard played the second call which was George Takei doing Little Lupe calling a peanut store. The person on the phone was asking for his order as George was saying ''I like penis'' and stuff like that. The woman on the phone wasn't having a good time and she just said she had to go.
Howard said he was laughing because Richard and Sal find that stuff funny. Robin said George doing Little Lupe wasn't funny. Richard said they were laughing though.
Gary said he went out to do Celebrity Superfan Roundtable and they were all talking about how Richard and Sal are non existent on the air lately. He said they're all wondering where they disappeared to. Richard said they seem to get yelled at more than usual so they avoid coming in. Howard said that's being funny though. Gary said they get really sensitive about that stuff.
Howard said it really irritates him that Sal isn't there on time after a week vacation. Howard said he'd like to know what they're doing back there. Richard said they're working and trying to make stuff. He said it takes a lot of calls to get a good one. Howard asked where Sal was. Richard said he worked a lot on those Pat Robertson edited audio book clips. He told Howard about some other stuff they did so Howard played one of the bits they did. Howard said maybe Richard is too into his exercise. He might be turning into Joe Piscopo. Howard said Joe was funny until he found weight lifting.
Richard told Howard about the one call they made recently that he liked. Howard played that call which was Sal calling into a talk show and talking ''black'' to the host. The host asked how he knew he was even black.
Howard said he couldn't even tell who the host was and who the caller was. Richard said that the guy couldn't even hear Sal at the start of the call. Richard said they went out and did some more ''Howard Or...'' games and stuff like that. They've been working back there so they're not just sitting around. Howard said he was bored and told Richard to go lose some more weight.
Robin asked if Richard's dad had seen him yet. He said he hasn't. That led to Howard playing a new voice mail that Richard's dad left for him. He said it sounds like bullshit but Richard said he's serious. Howard played the call and Richard's Dad was talking about eating dinner which was road kill squirrel. He said he picked up the dead squirrel and cooked it up with mashed potatoes. He said it was young and juicy. Howard said he's never run over a squirrel in his life. Howard said a squirrel is like eating a rat. Richard said it's very gamy meat. Howard said he's eating a rat. Richard said he doesn't usually tell him about stuff like that but he knows that Howard gets a kick out of it. Richard said they did stuff like that a lot when he was growing up so it's normal to him.
Howard asked if Richard's dad is so poor that he has to eat that stuff. Richard said he's doing fine but they like eating that kind of stuff. Howard said that he'd be afraid of the animal being rabid. Robin said she saw a rabid skunk wandering around the other day so you never know what you're going to be eating if it's wild. Howard said he admires that Richard's dad can live off the land like that. Richard said they eat normal stuff too though. Howard said Richard's Dad must love watching movies where they have an apocalypse because he knows that he can survive.
Sal came in so Howard asked why he was late. Sal said that Brian Phelan sent him a text at 2:45 in the morning and he didn't know he had done that until he got out of the shower. He said he had his phone off.
Howard asked Sal if he broke his little toe too. Sal said he did. He hit his toe on the dresser and he popped the toe out to the right. He said he popped it back in and he had to wear flip flops for weeks. He said it still hurts but he can wear shoes. Sal said it's still swollen too. Howard said they tell you that you have to tape it.
Richard said Sal's feet are tan from fake tanning. Sal said they're tan from being in flip flops. Sal told him he has to wear flip flops. Howard said he had the boot instead. He said it's really comfortable. Howard said that this whole thing is throwing off his whole life. He said it's a really dumb injury. Sal said it's the worst. Howard said he was drunk at the time he broke his toe.
Howard asked Sal why he didn't go to the doctor. Sal said he didn't want to be bothered. Howard said he had to know if he broke his toe. He wanted to make sure he fixed it right too. Robin said Richard's dad probably would have ripped his toe off and just kept going.
Howard said Beth hates the boot. She told him not to wear it out. He said he wondered why she cared if he wore it or not. Robin said when she broke her wrist people would complain about the giant couch she had it resting in. Howard said if he didn't wear his boot then he would have been hobbling around.
Howard said he had a guy almost step on his foot at the movie theater. He said he hates people in movie theaters who stand there and talk to you and don't get out of the way or just keep walking. He said people are just dumb.
Sal added that the Hasidic Jews are the ''real pain in the ass Jews...'' and Howard wanted him to leave. Howard said Sal just made him unfunny. Sal said he was just trying to say something for him that he wanted to say. Richard said he ruined it for him too. Howard kicked Sal out and told Richard he should probably go too.
Howard said Paladino started talking about the gays and how he was against them and gay marriage. Howard said he started talking about how the gays have an agenda and things like that. Howard said the guy was in front of 30 Hasidic Jews and he was telling them about this stuff. Howard read an article about that where they quoted him. He said that reporters started asking him about it and then he tells them that he has a gay nephew. He talks about how immoral but the guy has done some immoral stuff himself. Howard said the guy had a mistress.
Howard read about the speech that he had given to the church before making the speech and he did leave out some anti-gay stuff. Howard said the guy was also talking about how he's against hate crimes after saying he was anti-gay.
Howard said people are so fucking dumb. He said if you're in New York and running for office then you have to know that you can't come out against gay people. He said that if you're gay it's who you are and who gives a shit? He said this is the worst time to be coming out against gays when this kid just committed suicide at Rutgers and things like that. Howard said someone should pull him aside and calm him down. Robin said that someone had to write that speech for the guy so they must all be nuts.
Howard said he watches Glenn Beck and you watch it like it's a comedy. He said the guy was a Zookeeper and now he's preaching to people. He talked about how some of his fans came in and told him that he's like a healer after he did that speech down in Washington DC. Howard said people are carrying on and this Tea Party thing has a bunch of morons in it.
Howard said he doesn't care if the Governor hates gay people. He said that there's not reason to be talking about it in a speech like that. Howard said the guy is up to anything but being a governor. Howard said he may just trot out his nephew and make out with him next.
Howard had some of the Paladino speech to play. In the clip Paladino was talking about how they have to stop pandering to the pornographers and perverts. He was saying he didn't march in the gay pride parade but his opponent did. Howard said this guy is a loon. He said this is 2010. He said someone has to talk to this guy.
Howard played more of the speech and Paladino was talking about how they have to keep the gay stuff out of the schools. Paladino said he doesn't want to hurt any gay people but he thinks that their children would be better off if they were married and having children. Howard said he likes how he was saying that people can be brainwashed into being gay.
Howard said he brings this stuff up because people are just dummies. He said he meets so many dummies every day. He said it's crazy how many dummies there are out there.
Howard said things seem so simple to him. He said this Paladino guy hasn't done anything to help himself in the election. Robin said the guy can't even read. Howard said he wasn't a very good reader in school but he wasn't that bad.
Howard said he was reading about how they're trying to decide if the God Hates Fags people should be allowed to do what they do. Howard said he should be on the Supreme Court because he could tell them the right answer. Howard said the God Hates Fags people like to go scream gay shit at the funerals of dead soldiers because they think we're being punished for accepting gay people in the military. Robin said it has to do with us making pro-gay initiatives.
Howard said the Supreme Court has to figure out if they're allowed to do this. Howard said they're not. He said that when you have a funeral you shouldn't be allowed to do something like this. The cops should be allowed to put up barriers to keep them away. He said they should have a right for privacy at these funerals. Robin said it's a private event so they shouldn't be allowed in. Howard said she's right. Howard said they should be kept like a mile away. He said it's so simple and it's not a free speech thing. Howard said they can protest all they want but they can't do it in a private funeral.
Howard said you can't just walk into a movie theater and yell ''fire'' so these people shouldn't be allowed to go to funerals to preach their nonsense. Howard said this is a very simple case. Robin said that they're trying to figure out if they should be allowed to protest at abortion clinics. Howard said there's already precedence on that and they're not allowed to go close to an abortion clinic. Howard said this has already happened.
Robin said they do have to hear the case so they've decided to hear this one. Howard said it's all very complicated. Robin said she doesn't think that the family that's suing the God Hates Fags people will get anything out of them if they win.
Eric asked if he saw any of him acting. Howard said he didn't. He didn't care. Howard said he doesn't watch the show. He said he did like his head exploding though. Howard said he would like to see if Eric can act. He asked the guys to take just that part where he's acting but he didn't care about any of the other characters. Eric said there's just one other character.
Howard said he didn't see his acting but he did like his head exploding. Eric said he's been getting a lot of positive feedback about the episode. He said he was told he did a good job on the show. Howard said he thought he was on for like 3 seconds. Eric said it was like a minute or two all together. Howard said he can't be too bad being in just a minute or so. Eric said they did cut some of his lines.
Howard said Bobo thinks that Eric was great. He took a call from Bobo who said that he thought it was great. Howard wondered why his head exploded. Bobo didn't know why it was. He said it had something to do with that box in the episode. Eric said that the box emits a frequency and that causes his head to explode. He said it attacked his Neural System and makes his head explode.
Howard told Gary to get him one of those boxes to make someone's head explode. Eric explained how the one character's head didn't explode. Howard said Johnny Fratto claims that he had to go through hell to get Eric on the show. Johnny was on the phone too. Johnny said he was the one who suffered through this. He said that Eric had the audacity to say he wanted to stay longer and that he had a good time doing it. Johnny said he didn't have a good time himself. Robin said that Johnny had to force him into doing it and then he had a good time.
Johnny said Eric kept changing his mind and argued with him about every single thing. He said that he thought JJ Abrams was going to steal his identity. Howard asked what that was about. Eric said he didn't know any of the people on the show and he didn't trust them handing over his birth certificate and things. Howard said no one is going to steal his identity. He doesn't have nay money. Howard said poor Johnny had to deal with this.
Howard said this should teach Eric a lesson about doing stuff like this. He said he shouldn't argue about doing it because it turns out he had a great time.
Robin asked Eric if he's going to get into the bumble bee outfit now. Eric said no. Johnny said he got a call from the Pit Boss people and they want Eric to do some shows. He said that they have to do something horrible with Eric to make him suffer a little bit. Howard said it sounds like a lot of Eric's dreams are coming true now. He said he's going to appear on a reality show now.
Johnny said that Eric still hasn't signed his Beezid contract. Eric said that all of the events they had lined up have come and gone. Johnny told him to sign it and they'll have more for him. He said Eric is the one letting it go by. Howard said he had to get going anyway. He let them go a short time later.
Howard said he heard that the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show was great. He gave thanks to the guests they had on the show and they were talking about why he's not talking about what's going on with Artie. Howard said he got annoyed with that because he has no idea what Artie is up to.
Howard said that today is Artie's birthday. He said Artie is great. He said they're in a whole new area with Artie now. He said he doesn't want to say anything about him for fear of upsetting him. Howard said he doesn't want the guy coming in right now because he doesn't want to set him off for some reason. Howard said the guy tried to kill himself and it was a real thing. Howard said he doesn't think the guy is ready to come back on the show. Howard said he has no idea what's good or bad for Artie so he doesn't want to contribute to anything like that. Howard said he's a great guy but he's got a lot of healing to do. Howard said he wants the guy to get better and he's not sure what the guy needs. Howard said he's not sure if he's ready to come back on. He let the caller go and said he had to move on to this guest he had coming in. Howard said he doesn't think that even Artie knows what's going on. Robin said she's not keeping Artie from the show. She said she will keep Jackie off the show but she's not doing that to Artie.
Howard came back and said that he was watching a Bruce Springsteen special called ''Promises'' and he'd like Aaron Lewis to clear this up for him. He said that Bruce keeps a notebook with notes for songs in it. He wondered if Aaron does that. Aaron said he can't do that. Aaron said he has to force himself to not think about lyrics. Howard asked him what his biggest song has been. He said ''It's Been Awhile'' was the biggest one for them. He said he just started playing it one night and threw in some lyrics he was making up. Howard asked him to play some of that for him. Aaron played a little bit of it but his guitar wasn't tuned for the song.
Howard asked Aaron how he learned guitar. Aaron said he just learned how to do it on his own and it came to him. Howard asked how he comes up with that stuff and how it call comes about. Aaron said it just comes flying out. Aaron said if it's good then it sticks with him. He said he does have to write stuff down eventually but he may do it after the song has come to him.
Howard said that the Bruce Springsteen special was very poorly done. He said he has to tell the director that they didn't show stuff that people want to see. Howard said they had some really interesting footage but they didn't show enough of it. Howard said they showed Bruce writing down everything he thinks and he tries millions of different lyrics. Howard said they had Eminem on 60 Minutes last night and that was interesting too. He said he walks around with pieces of paper too. Howard asked Aaron if he's a slacker. Aaron said he can be a little unmotivated at times. Howard asked if it's from smoking too much weed. Aaron said that may have something do with it. He said he was baked now. Howard asked if he smoked on the way there. He said he did it before they came over. He said he had to take the edge off. Howard asked if it makes him paranoid. Aaron said it doesn't make him paranoid. Aaron said he didn't smoke a ton of it. It was just enough to take the edge off.
Howard said he doesn't get that from weed. He said he gets really paranoid and he'd be afraid that it would ruin his song writing if he was Aaron.
Howard asked Aaron if he gets nervous coming in there. Aaron said he does even though Howard is like his bro now. Aaron said that Howard has always been very good to them and he's very lucky. He said he's afraid that he's going to get all jammed up by being high and that leads to him getting higher.
Howard asked Aaron about tattoos and if he has more than last time. He said he's sure he does. He said he hasn't gotten any on his face but he was thinking about getting a tear drop. Howard said he's never going to get a regular job with those tattoos. Aaron said he knows that he'll end up doing construction or something like that if the music career doesn't work out.
Howard asked Aaron about his ''Don't Tread On Me'' tattoo. He said that he didn't get it done because he's a Tea Party guy but he is a patriot. He said that government isn't supposed to stick its nose into everything you do. Robin asked what they're doing to him. Aaron said that they're not supposed to be operating the way they are and they are making the country sink even deeper into a deficit. Howard asked if he's a Glenn Beck fan. Aaron said he likes some of the stuff he says but he wishes that he wouldn't bring the religion thing into it so much. He said that mixing the two isn't a good thing.
Howard told Aaron about these new ''green'' toilets that they make and how the government forced people to make them. Howard said they don't flush. He said that's what the government is forcing these companies to make. Aaron said that they shouldn't be doing things like that. Howard brought up this Paladino guy and spoke to Aaron about that. Aaron said he's trying not to be political but he can't help it. He said he's angry even when he's on pot. Howard said he's never seen him so angry before. Aaron said he's sorry about that.
Howard asked what his ''Proudly Made In the USA'' tattoo meant. He said he's just proud that he was born there and that his family came there to the country and became citizens. He said that people need to travel around the world to see how good we have it here.
Aaron said he doesn't think that our own President is proud to be an American and neither is his wife. Howard said he had no idea that he was so political. Robin had just looked up the toilet thing and found out it is a federal law thing.
Howard asked Aaron about the band Staind and if they're breaking up. Aaron said he's not going anywhere. He said he's just branching out a little bit. He said he told them that he was doing a solo album and they didn't give him a hard time about it. He said that he started doing solo shows 8 years ago and they were concerned about that but he's still in the band.
Howard said he thinks Aaron is breaking out on his own. He wants to take all of the money for himself. Aaron said that's not it at all and Howard is just shit talking. Aaron said he's doing acoustic stuff. Howard asked if he owns the publishing on all of the songs. Aaron said he's not sure because they break it down song by song. He said he has to split the profits with the guys in the band. He said he wrote ''outside'' and he didn't make a cent off of the first album it came out on. He said the song wasn't supposed to be on the ''Family Values'' CD so he didn't get paid to do to. Other people made money from it though.
Howard said if you want to find out about Aaron's tour dates you can go to Staind.com.
Howard also asked about Aaron starting this school up. Aaron said they closed down a school and he opened it back up. He said they opened it up on September 1st and now they have more kids in the school than they did when it was public. He said that it's a private school and a locally funded school. He said he's highly responsible for helping get it back open. Aaron said that it can cost $250,000 a year or so to run. He said they have 60 kids or so in there. Aaron said he didn't name it after himself or anything. He said it's the RH Conwell Community Education Center. Howard said he should have named it after himself. Aaron said he wouldn't do that.
Howard said Aaron is out doing a solo tour and he's got an album coming out next year. It has a bit of a country flavor to it. Howard asked him to do some stuff for him. Aaron said that he can't do it by himself.
Howard asked him to do a cover of ''Rooster'' by Alice in Chains but he wanted to do something else. Howard said that's what they wrote down for him. Aaron said he didn't write any of that. He said he sent him a Kermit the Frog song. He said he'd rather do ''Country Boy'' instead of the other stuff he had on that list. Howard told him to go for it then. Gary said that he had that list from an IM he got from Aaron. Aaron said ''Whatever Benedict Arnold...''
Aaron said that this song is going to be on his solo album. He said he had to do a stripped down version for rock radio but he has George Jones singing on the country version. Howard said he didn't know he liked country music. Aaron said that this song is about himself because he did grow up a country boy. Howard had him play the song after that. Howard asked if he had ever eaten squirrel. He said he has tried it but not road kill like Richard Christy's dad. Aaron said he goes on hunting shows and he has gone out hunting too. Aaron said he shot a deer that weighed almost 300 pounds. Howard said he could never kill something like that. He said they're goo beautiful. Aaron said that it was gorgeous. It was delicious too. Howard said he ate chicken this weekend too so he's not going to come down on him for killing the deer.
Aaron said that he has chickens that he raises. He said that his wife doesn't want to eat the chicken but one day he had a rooster that was becoming too aggressive so he just grabbed it and twisted it. He said that he ate it and it tasted like chicken.
Howard asked Aaron about how he was raised and he said he was raised in a single wide trailer up in Vermont. He said they had a driveway that was a mile and a half long. He said his dad was a dental technician and he was a musician. He said that his dad was a bit of a hippie too. He had pot plants growing in the front yard. Aaron said his dad taught him how to hunt and all of that stuff too. Howard asked Aaron if he has knives and stuff. Aaron said he actually got a knife past his security. Howard said that's some great security they have there.
Howard played Richard Christy's dad's voice mail about the road kill squirrel and asked if that turns him on. Aaron said he knows some people like that. He said he has killed squirrels and he has eaten them. He said he used a BB gun to shoot it. Howard said he couldn't do that but he still eats tons of that kind of shit. He said he doesn't eat squirrel but other animals.
Howard had Aaron get back into the song he had interrupted. Aaron performed his song ''Country Boy'' and it was basically a song about his life growing up.
After the song Howard and Robin said that the Tea Party may be looking for a song like that. Howard said it was very autobiographical. Howard said the real hero of the song is Aaron's wife. Howard said she's living out in the woods with him. Howard asked if the record company guys are really devils. Aaron said that's what it's like when you sign a record deal. He said it is like signing your life away. Howard asked if the record company is the enemy. Aaron said they're not the enemy but there are many times when they seem to be in the way. Howard quoted some of the lyrics he had and said that he was singing about the record company telling him to get rid of his wife. Howard said she's up in the woods somewhere while Aaron is out doing his thing. Aaron said his wife has acclimated very well to the country life. He said that she spends a lot of time at the school.
Howard asked Aaron about going to Hebrew school and how he got kicked out of that. Aaron said he didn't get along with one of the kids and he was asked not to come back. He said he's really not a religious person. He said that his dad is Roman Catholic and his mom is Jewish so he's technically Jewish by birth. Howard said he could talk to him about this stuff all day long but it was very complicated.
Howard gave Aaron some more plugs and said that he's got this charity thing going too. He has the school thing and more. Aaron said a few more words about the way the government is working and how people have to go out and start working and stop waiting for hand outs. Howard said you can go to Facebook.com/ItTakesACommunity to find out more about the charity.
Aaron said they were going to go over to Afghanistan to perform but they put a stop to it because of how heated things are. He said he did get to go over and perform in Iraq instead though. He said he did that for the troops and he will do it again and again until everyone is home. Howard thanked him for that and for coming in. He wrapped up with him a short time later.
Howard came back and had Johnny Knoxville come in. Howard asked if they used the same music in the movie. Howard had it playing when he came in. It's called ''Corona'' by the Minute Men. Johnny said that they almost didn't get to use it because they weren't able to locate the guy who owned the rights to it.
Howard asked Johnny if he got botox injections or something. Johnny said he didn't but he did lose a few pounds. He said he's 6'1'' tall and he's 178 pounds. Howard said that's pretty thin.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever got evaluated mentally because he thinks he's insane. Johnny said he's not insane. Robin asked how he would know. Johnny said he's totally sane. Howard asked if anyone thought he was crazy for doing what he did when he was starting out. Howard asked if he ever saw a psychiatrist. Johnny said no. He said that Pontious has been brought to the psych ward when he gets into trouble doing his stunts.
Howard said when MTV was starting and they picked up Jackass, there really weren't any ground rules. Howard said Johnny tried to get on their show and get tasered. He said he was afraid that he was going to have a heart attack or something. Howard said there were no rules about that. Johnny said it's illegal to use a taser in New York so they took care of that. Johnny said he's been stun gunned many times and nothing has happened. Johnny said he once auctioned off the chance to get tasered and he auctioned it off for 10 grand. Howard said he couldn't tase him because he'd feel bad for him. Howard said that's what Johnny wanted to do on their show many years ago.
Howard said Johnny and his guys went out and did their stunts and then sold it to MTV. Johnny said that they had submitted some of the stuff that they did on their skate board videos. Howard said that Johnny wanted to do a stunt where he got shot while wearing a bullet proof vest. Howard said if he dies then someone could get into big trouble for it. Johnny said he just shot himself. Howard said that's crazy. He said people have died from the gun shots even to a bullet proof vest. Johnny said he could only afford the cheap one and the company that made it didn't want him doing the stunt.
Howard said it's crazy what Johnny does. He broke his penis and he has to jam a catheter into it to break up the cartilage. He said that he's been doing that for over 3 years now. Johnny said it does get easier. He said he had to do it this morning actually. Johnny said that it's easier when you have a ''half rock'' but he's never tried it with a full boner. Howard said he broke his toe and he's in a big boot and Johnny must laugh at that.
Johnny said he almost broke his neck shooting the new movie. He said he got kicked in the head by a bull when it shot him into the air. Howard said he must laugh at him when he hears him complaining about his toe. Johnny said he doesn't look at it like that. He said they just have different views on pain.
Howard asked Johnny if he spends time in bed with his injuries. Johnny said he has had to lay around like after the penis injury. Howard said they're doing a ''Worst Penis Injury Contest'' soon and that's to promote the new movie and Johnny's penis injury.
Howard said that they like to attack people when they're shooting their movie so you have to stay away from them. Howard said that someone on the staff told Gary that they don't go into their compound because they urinate in the beer and recap it. Howard asked how you trust anyone. Johnny said that they don't aim stuff at outsiders, they only aim it at the cast and crew. He said that they wouldn't fuck with Howard. Howard said that anytime someone sat on a toilet in the movie they'd get blue ink shot at them.
Gary came in and said that they like to exploit everyone's worst fears so Bam has a fear of snakes and they made him cry when he fell into a pit of snakes. Johnny was just laughing. Johnny said that if you say you're scared of snakes you can be sure that you'll be working with snakes. Johnny said Preston said he had a fear of heights and that means he's going to be doing something with height.
Howard said they had this giant hand that would slap people and they had one guy get smacked with hot soup in his hand. Johnny said the guy took the soup and he was scared walking in. He had no idea what they were going to do to him. Johnny said they shot the movie for like 6-7 months and there was no safe room or area. It's just hell.
Howard asked who the final word comes from for bits. Johnny said that Paramount Legal has to look at the ideas. He said he doesn't remember what was rejected. He said that they will shut stuff down before Paramount will. He said they don't even come near the set. Johnny said they can't give notes on something like the Poocano. He said that they have a train running around it and they make it look like a mountain until the guy shits. Then you know what it is. Gary said that it was like diarrhea when it came out. Johnny said the guy knows the bad stuff to eat. He said that they loaded him up with an enema before the shot too. They filled him up with that and then yelled ''Action!''
Howard asked if that shit stuff gets them an X rating. Johnny said they got an R. As long as they don't show penis they're fine.
Gary said there's a bit they do throughout the whole movie where they punch each other with boxing gloves. They do that in slow motion too. Johnny said that they were resisting the 3D thing but it didn't hold them back so they went for it. He said that they didn't want to think about the cameras during the shoot. It turned out that they didn't.
Howard said that Will the Farter is in the movie. He said he knew he was a star. Johnny said they were looking for a guy who could shoot darts out of his bottom and they heard about this Will guy. He said he was so happy that they found someone. Johnny said they needed a guy and Will was willing to do stuff with his bottom that he had never tried before. Howard said he always said Will was a big jackass.
Howard said these movies are big business. Howard said they made over $160 million with the first two movies. Johnny said that they love making them. Johnny is 39 now and he said there is nothing as fun as making the movies. He said you know you're going to get messed up making them. He said that's fine.
Howard asked if Will the Farter is like Billy Preston coming in to help or is he one of the Jackasses now. Johnny said they like Will. He said that he's a little odd. Howard said Johnny wouldn't even hang out with him. Johnny said he's a sweet guy.
Howard said Johnny got divorced and now he's gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Johnny said his son is 9 months old now. Howard asked if he's crazy. He said that he married her in September and he didn't even have any fun between the ex-wife and the new wife. Johnny said that Naomi is awesome and there wasn't a reason not to get married.
Howard said that Johnny's divorce was finalized in 2009 and he agreed to pay $6,000 in child support a month and he had to give up half the money from Jackass and from the ''Dukes of Hazard'' movie he did. Howard said that's tough. He said Johnny has to live with the pain from doing the Jackass stuff.
Howard asked Johnny how his penis is working. Johnny said it's working pretty good. He said that if he had bit hit a few centimeters down then he could have lost control of it completely.
Howard asked Johnny about this stunt he did where he was on roller skates and went into a buffalo herd. Johnny said that was about an hour and a half after he did a stunt where he painted himself into a background and a bull hits him.
Robin asked if they had to do retakes of this stuff. Johnny said they did one thing where he took football passes and a football player hits him. He said he had to shoot that three times. Johnny said you have to commit when you do this stuff. Howard said bruised ribs must be awful. Johnny said he has had bruised ribs and they suck.
Howard asked Johnny if his mother is driven crazy by this stuff. Johnny said the whole family is nervous. He said that they don't like it while they're shooting but they do like the movies. Howard asked if they're done now. Johnny said he's not going to predict anymore. He said they said they were done after the first one.
Howard said he heard that Steve-O has done a 360 and he's off the drugs and booze and he's acting odd. Johnny said he's taken to the sober thing like he took to the drugs and alcohol. Johnny said he thinks that he had to prove to himself that he could do this stuff without being on drugs or booze.
Johnny said that they didn't have any beer on the set this time. He said they wanted to keep Steve-O sober. He said they can wait until the end of the day to go drink so they didn't have any on set. In the first two they had beer on the set.
Howard said there's something funny about men being naked. He said that they do a lot of that kind of stuff in the movie. Howard said that he gets complaints about Richard and Sal being naked but they always end up being the most watched shows. Johnny said that man ass is funny. Howard said he saw the cover of Rolling Stone and they were all naked together there. Howard said that looked very gay to him. Johnny said that they were all very uncomfortable doing that. Howard asked if any of the guys are small. Johnny said that Ryan Dunn isn't very large. Howard asked who has the biggest one. Johnny said Pontious has a big one. He said the head is huge and the top of the shaft is big but then it gets smaller as you go down.
Howard asked if any of the guys have sucked each other off. Johnny said that he should ask Steve-O about that. Howard wanted to hear it from Johnny. Johnny said that Steve is coming in this week so he should talk to him about it. Howard asked what happened. Johnny said that the guys were drunk on the bus one night and Steve-O put his mouth around Pontious' cock and that was it. Howard asked if he came in his mouth. Johnny said it was just his mouth around it and it was just to make the people around them uncomfortable. It worked too.
Johnny said the movie is coming out this Friday, the 15th, and they think that it's the best one so far. He said that the 3D brings you into the movie.
Johnny said they nixed one of the bits they did for the movie. He said that they shot Steve-O with a BB gun in the nipple and that BB is still in there. They cut that scene out of the movie. He said that Steve isn't too happy with that.
Howard said Johnny is also in another movie with Kevin Spacey. That movie is called ''Father Of Invention'' but Johnny wasn't sure when it was coming out. He said they shot it a few months before Jackass. Howard asked if anyone ever looks at him like they don't want him around acting. Johnny said they treat him really well and Kevin Spacey was really cool to him.
Howard asked Johnny about working with the big actors he's worked with. That led to Johnny talking about doing a movie before he even got the Jackass movie. He said he went down for a read through in Miami and he was in it with Tim Allen, Tom Sizemore and others. He said that he had to read through his lines with Tom and he was asking where his accent came from and looking at him like he didn't want him there. Johnny said he figured he was going to be out of the movie in a second. Johnny said that Barry Sonnenfeld told him not to change a thing. He said Tom was standing right there when he told him that.
Howard asked Johnny if he's going to be in a movie with Cher. Johnny said that one isn't signed yet. He said that he really wants to do it though. Johnny told Howard what the movie is about and how he gets to shack up with Cher. Howard said that his friend Ron Zimmerman is banging Cher.
Howard said he's excited for Johnny. He said that his movie is opening up this week. Howard said he thinks that they're going to do very well. He asked if he has to give this money to his ex-wife. Johnny said he does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're excited for this movie. He said if any movie has to be in 3D it's this movie. Howard said he thinks that they're goofing on 3D in the movie. Johnny said they're not really goofing on it but they do all of their stunts in 3D. Johnny said they had one of the world's most expensive cameras to make the movie so it's kind of funny they did that to shoot the dildo bazooka. He said he broke a tooth doing that stunt. He said he had a few dildos hit him in the face. He said he lost a tooth and didn't realize it for 5 days. Howard said he has some threshold for pain. Howard said he'd be crying about it after a minute.
Another caller said that Johnny was an A-list celebrity for a while and he's not sure why he'd be doing another Jackass movie. He said that he was banging Jessica Simpson for a while. Howard asked Johnny if he would bang her now that she's fat. Johnny said he's not even going to comment on that stuff. Johnny said he wanted to do this movie.
Gary came in and told another stunt from the movie. He said they super glued Wee Man to one of the other guys in the 69 position. Gary said that was funny enough but then they tased them. Johnny said that he didn't actually tase him. He said that they freaked out and ripped apart when they just mentioned the stun gun thing. He said that they may have torn some skin doing that.
Gary said they had super glued Bam's hand to one of the guy's chests with hair on it. Then he ripped it off and gave him a wax. Johnny said that was one of those days when it was raining out and they just winged it. He said they do a lot of winging it in the movie.
Johnny said there was one thing that went wrong with the glue. He had to give himself a goatee with the glue and he ended up super gluing to Phil Margera's tit and he almost passed out from sniffing the glue. Johnny said that was almost a really bad one. He said that no one would ever do that. He said he thinks that if he had stayed on there it could have been a really bad one like a dead one.
Howard asked if the guys ever get to back out of doing a stunt. He said Wee Man must not like doing all of these stunts. Howard asked if he can give a safety word that would stop them from tasering him. Johnny said not really. He said that they won't taser Preston because he's so big. He said he will taser Wee Man no problem though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't wait to see the movie. He said he thinks that Johnny must have grown up in a really boring place and that's how they came up with the stunt thing. Johnny said that Knoxville isn't that bad. He said he thinks the caller was just trying to shit on Knoxville.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they would ever get fake tits as a stunt. Johnny said they did have a thing where they were going to have one of the guys get human balls sewn to their chin. He said they might have to go to Mexico to do that. He said they never did get around to it. He said they have a stack of ideas they've never gotten to. Johnny said they shot 2 movies worth of stuff for Jackass 3D.
Howard said Johnny is like a comedian. He knows what's funny. Howard asked if Johnny is happy. Johnny said he really is. He said there have been times when he hasn't been happy but now he is. He said that some of the other guys are doing good too.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she met Johnny and he was very nice. She asked what it is about her that makes her so fearful in life. Howard said that's what they're trying to teach people with these movies. They're helping people get over their fears.
Howard gave Johnny some more plugs and started to wrap up. Johnny got in another plug for his cousin Roger Allen Wade who has a show with him on Outlaw Country there on Sirius XM. Howard said he and Robin have to start doing some stunt movies. Robin said they'll have to drink a lot of moonshine. Johnny said he has some. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and thought that Bruno Mars was Jared Leto's band. Fred said that's not correct. Howard found out that it was actually ''30 Seconds to Mars'' that he was thinking about. Howard said having a conversation with Fred is hard. He was trying to find out if Jared Leto had a hit song and Fred said he had a number one song but he was talking about Bruno Mars.
Howard said his friend Derek and Heidi were sitting in the studio today. He and Derek play chess together. Derek is 5 years old. Howard said he knows his mom and she said he was interested in chess so he suggested some teachers. Now the 5 year old is beating professionals. Derek is playing 11 year olds and beating them. Howard said he's proud of this kid. Howard said if he had a son he'd want him to be just like him. Howard paused for a second and wondered how old he is that he has a 5 year old friend.
Howard said he and Derek went into a pool together and had a fun time. Robin asked Derek if he had a nappie. Derek yelled out ''No!'' Howard asked when his next tournament is. Derek didn't know. His mom knew. It's coming up in November.
Howard didn't know that Derek played chess on the computer. Howard said he's played the kid and he's very good. Derek has an opening play so Howard asked what it was. Derek didn't have a name for it. Howard said he knows the kid's moves. He said the kid is a good kid. Howard said that if more kids played chess they'd turn out like Derek.
Howard asked Derek if his friends like chess too. He said he has 7 friends who play chess. They play sports too. They play basketball and football. Howard said the kid is a good looking kid. He asked him if he has a girlfriend yet. Derek said no. Howard told him to stay away from girls.
Howard asked Derek what he likes doing the best. He said he likes basketball. He said he doesn't like eating avocados.
Howard said he saw Robin on FOX news talking politics with Jim Breuer. He said that was very odd. Howard asked Derek what he thinks about his job there. Derek thought he played chess. Howard said the kid looks bored out of his mind. Howard said in a few minutes they're not going to let him listen. Howard asked if he wanted a coloring book or something. Derek gave him the ''what are you, kidding me'' sound.
Howard told Derek to go back and direct the show for Scott DePace. Howard said he wants to show that anyone can do that.
Howard got back to Robin and said that she was good on FOX. He said that Breuer was just joking and not taking the topics seriously. He said it was actually funny. Heidi and Derek were about to leave but Derek wanted to stay. Howard said he thought he was bored out of his mind. He told them they can stay as long as they want. They left a few seconds later. Heidi apparently wanted to get going.
Howard said this kid loves him. He asked Derek if he thinks he's a great guy. Derek said yes. Gary asked him if he thinks Howard is 3 feet tall. Derek said no. Howard asked Derek what's so great about him. Derek didn't have a thing to say. Howard let them go.
Howard said little boys love him and he's so much fun. He said they have a nephew, Will, and he's a little younger than him and the kid follows him around. Howard said he won't leave him alone. Fred said he's sounding a little like a pedophile. Howard said that's because Fred is a pervert.
Howard said he was on YouTube looking at a video and he saw the pictures on the side of the screen. He clicked on some of them and the kids were acting very provocative. He said they were little girls. Howard said he'd like to know what parents are letting their little girls do that kind of stuff. Howard said it looked very weird to him.
Howard said he heard that Robin tweeted that she wasn't going to be tweeting because she was reading Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' He said she really loves that tweeting.
Howard said that they have three animals now and Beth is so involved that he's feeling neglected. Howard said he's jealous of the pets now. He said it's enough already. Howard said he wasn't going to get into this but now he has to. Howard said the dog, Bianca, had eye problems. Howard said there's always something with her. He said she has sleep issues and more.
Howard said they got this cat, Apple, who has skin issues. He said Beth helped the cat out and she's looking great. The cat even got her fur back. Howard said that was like 8 months of care. Howard said Beth wanted to get another cat because that one was lonely. Howard said Beth is the lonely one.
Howard said Derek is now back in the Howard TV room directing the show. DePace said that he was doing a good job too. Howard said that he likes that the kid has hair. He said he needs a director with hair.
Howard got back to the pet thing and said that they got Walter the cat and now Apple the cat hates Walter. Howard said that the cat won't warm up to him. Walter bit Apple and it caused a big lump on her side. Howard said they had to get that drained and shave off her fur. Howard said she's starting to lose fur again. Howard said she's stressed out of her mind. Robin said that adult cats are tough. She said that they don't like having company sometimes.
Howard said he doesn't like all of this drama. He said it's upsetting. He said that Beth has to go take care of the cats and keep them from fighting. Howard said he doesn't want to be Dr. Doolittle. He said he's not good with people or with animals. Howard said Beth knows this and she says she'll take care of it. Then he gets involved anyway.
Howard said he got up early this morning to eat and he has to think about the cats and keep them separated. Howard said he's a prisoner in his own house. He said he had one dog and it was fine. Then the cat came and that was fine. Now there are two cats and it's too much. Howard said it's just too much. Robin said she had some problems with the cats but they were all chill cats. If you have two alpha cats then it's bad.
Robin said her cat has kidney disease so she has to deal with that. The Vet asked her if she wanted to do a kidney transplant. Robin said that you adopt the cat that gives up the kidney so you have both. Howard asked what she's going to do. Howard said he's not sure that's even moral. Robin said that would be weird to take a cat in just to get a kidney.
Steve said that Gary is going to be on Late Show with David Letterman soon and the pressure may be getting to him. He's having dreams about it. Gary said the dream was that he got to the green room and he didn't have his good clothes with him. He realized that he didn't have his clothes or a pre-interview and then they threw him on the air without either. Robin said that it's just anxiety. Howard said that you have to tell yourself that he only has 2 million viewers so he'll be fine. He said that's like doing it for someone in your living room.
Howard asked Gary what he's going to talk about. Gary said he has a story or two that he'll save for the show. He said he's going to tell some stuff that's not in his book. He said he has some NBC stories he can tell. Gary said he found out they do the pre-interview the day of the show. He didn't know that. Howard said he can't wait to see Gary on Letterman. He said he thinks he'll do alright though.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks Gary will bomb. Steve said he thinks it'll be great. Howard said they should show Gary just typing and that would get big laughs. Howard said it looks like an ape discovering fire or something. Gary said he just booked Denise Richards with that typing. Howard said he should take a typing calls. That's what he would do. Robin said it takes practice to do that. Howard said he could practice before taking his nap.
Robin said she just read Gary's book and she found out that his best friends are his sons. Gary said he loves hanging out with his kids.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric was in court and he may be receiving between $50-100,000 to settle his case against his family.
Howard asked if Steve is following the story about Tim Sabean taking cupcakes on Cupcake Wednesday and hiding in the bathroom eating them. Steve hadn't heard that story. Howard said that's what he's heard. Gary said he went down to Del Friscos and the guy down there told him that Tim has been eating porter house steaks like they're going out of style. Tim said he hasn't been eating cupcakes either. He said that's bullshit. Howard asked if he eats the cookies. Tim said he doesn't eat any of that stuff.
JD came in and said that he has seen Tim coming back his way with stuff in his hands. He said he didn't see him go into the bathroom though. Tim said he's not doing that. Howard told Robin that Tim is her biggest failure with the diet thing. Robin said that you'd think he'd want to hold on to that weight loss. Gary said he's not back to the full fat thing.
Steve said they have a new special on tonight called ''Closet Cases'' with guests Perez Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell and Governor McGreevy. High Pitch Mike is hosting the show. Howard told Steve to tell Mike not to get too serious with that stuff. He said he knows that he can get a little too serious when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said he saw Liza Minelli on Larry King the other night. Howard said that JD has to get some clips from that. JD came in and said that he had them up already. Howard played some of that interview where Liza and Larry were talking. Howard did his impression of her and goofed on Liza. He played her singing a song to Larry and laughed. Howard asked what that is. He said it's not singing.
Ralph called in to snitch on Tim and the stuff he keeps in his office pretending that he's still on the diet. Howard told Ralph he has a meeting with him today. Ralph knew that but he didn't know about his broken toe. Howard told him about the toe thing and how he broke it smashing it into his desk. Howard told him about the boot he has to wear and how he looks like Herman Munster with it on. He said he'll be bitching and whining about that today.
Howard said he has to have a meeting with Ralph over the lighting in his apartment. He has to light his mirror so he can get dressed and not want to vomit looking at himself. Howard said he has a guy who says he can help with some kind of special light. Howard said he can't run for 6 weeks now so he's going to look even worse. Robin said he could do the bike thing with his arms. Howard said he's miserable and he can't do anything. Howard said he's not even sure how he did it.
Steve got in a plug for Greg Fitzsimmons show that's on at Midnight tonight. His guest is Steven Weber. Howard said he heard he got a gift from Greg for writing the foreword for his book. Gary said it was a donation to the North Shore Animal League in honor of Beth. Howard said he heard it was a real gift. Howard said there should be something else. Gary said he didn't see anything. Gary said they don't throw anything away. Howard said he's not sure if they do things right out there. Gary said Tracey does that and she opens everything. Howard said that he wants to know where his gift is. He said Greg told him he sent something other than the donation.
Howard said he saw that something is going on with Bob Schimmel's kids. His daughter, Jessica, set up a whole thing for his kids because he died broke. Howard said she has a web site set up at HelpBob.WordPress.com. Howard said Jessica is a good kid. He said that his brother is trying to stop it for some reason.
Gary said he found out that Greg gave Howard some vintage comic books. Howard said they can throw those out. Howard said he doesn't want anyone's old comic books. Gary said they were already sent to his house. Howard said he doesn't want to display that stuff. He said he doesn't know what people think of him. He said he wouldn't want to handle old comic books. Howard said Greg told him he was going to love this gift. Gary said he didn't know they were from Greg but they looked like they were really big. Gary said that they can save them for the museum.
Howard said he wishes that he hadn't wasted his money on that. Ralph called back in and said that he wants them. He said he has some stuff that Howard has given him and they're worth a lot. Howard said maybe he should display the stuff himself. Howard said he'll look at them first and let him know.
Howard said this just shows that Greg doesn't know him for shit. He said that's the whole pint of him not wanting to write his foreword. He said he doesn't know Greg that well and Greg obviously doesn't know him very well. He would have known he doesn't want old comic books if he knew him.
Howard asked Ralph if he went to Comic-Con this weekend. Ralph said he was there all weekend. Howard said he sees picture of people there and they're in their 30s and it looks very odd. Howard said they had some pictures of people there and they had to be laughing at them. Howard said it looks like what a pedophile would wear on Halloween to get kids to come into the house. He said it's crazy stuff. Ralph said it's fun and people are into it. He said he's not that much of a douche bag that he'd wear something though.
Howard said he's been watching Smallville and it's okay this season because it's the last one and they're finally going to make him into Superman. Howard said he thought he was going to like ''Not an Ordinary Family'' but now they're not going to use their super powers so it's stupid. Howard said that they have to use their powers.
Gary told Howard he had some more updates on the comic books. It sounds like it's about $150-200 worth of comic books. Howard said he's going to give them to Ralph then. Howard said he loved reading comic books as a kid but he doesn't want someone else's stuff.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of stuff they had to cover today. That led to Howard talking about how Beth hates this boot on his foot. He was also talking about how he dribbles after he pees and he has to lie to Beth about it not being pee.
Howard said he was on High Pitch Mike's Facebook page the other day and saw that he went bowling with Richard and his fiancee. He said that she's really pretty and it looks odd. Howard said that he imagines that she'd have to wear into a storage facility if he doesn't re-sign with Sirius. Richard came in and said that she told him that she'd live in a storage facility with him if she had to. Howard said she says that now but just try to get her into one. Richard said they have a lot of fun together. He said they run together now and they ran 6-7 miles on Saturday. Howard asked how good she is in bed. Richard said he can't say. He said her mother listens. Richard said he'll just say that everything about her is great.
Howard said he beat off the other night when Beth was busy with the pets. He said he can finish in like 30 seconds. He said he learned to do it really fast when he was living with his parents. He said that he can get it done really fast. Richard said he has a hard time peeing after he cums. He said it's too hard. Howard wondered why he was talking to Richard. He said he works with Robin. Howard said that the listeners are probably vomiting. Richard said he used to climb into a toy box to jerk off. He said that his mom caught him once. He said she thought he was doing drugs and he was happy she thought that instead of him jerking off. He said that was going on when he was in high school. He still had that toy box even then. Jon Hein finished up his show preview and then Howard took a break.
Robin read some news about a congressional candidate who was photographed wearing a Nazi outfit. Robin said he was part of a Nazi reenactment. They spent a few minutes talking about that story and how they had no idea who would reenact anything Nazi. Robin said they used to have Nazi parties and maybe that's what they're doing.
Robin read a story about a Mensa test in USA Today. Robin said they have some stories about people who got into the group and all of the fun they're having. Howard said he thought that they were usually guys who had no social lives. Robin said that's not the case according to this article. Robin read one of the questions from the test and no one had a clue what the answer was. The question was about a 9 letter word with only one vowel in it. It turns out it was ''Strength.'' Robin ran through a couple of other questions and Howard wasn't able to answer any of them.
Robin read a story about this new car Google is working on that drives itself. Howard said he thinks this is fantastic. He said that eventually they'll have a card that drives you and won't get into an accident. One of their cars did have an accident but it wasn't their fault, it was another driver that hit the Google car. Robin said they have tested the car on the windiest road in San Francisco and it had no problem getting down.
Robin read about the first commercial space craft that took its first flight. Robin read about the test flight that they did over the Mojave desert.
Robin read that Jon Stewart is going forward with his Sanity rally and has announced where it will take place. It's a goof on the Glenn Beck rally. Howard said he never sees Jon anymore. He said he saw him on Oprah. Robin said Howard is watching Oprah a lot. Gary said he called and tried to get him but Jon is very busy. He said he went right to his manager and he was told he's got a crazy schedule. Gary said he was kind of surprised he got the brush. Howard said that's alright... no big deal.
Howard said he got some of the footage of Scott going out and preparing to bowl. He said that he's so boring and you want to strangle him watching it. The Howard TV guys played some of that and Howard said Scott is the world's worst. He said that he's horrible.
Scott the Engineer came in and gave Howard a bowling pin as a gift. He said that was a gift from some of the bowlers. Howard said he would like to bring in a group of bowlers and pedophiles and see if they can tell them apart. Howard said Scott can bowl but he's so bored by the conversation that he can't keep it going. Howard kicked him out.
Howard said it's odd that you pick up a little baseball and you get hot chicks. When you pick up a bowling ball you get Scott. Howard said it seems like the bigger the ball the worse the girl. Howard said that Tiger Woods plays with the smallest ball and he had some hot chicks.
Gary told Howard he had the Schimmel web site. He said that it was HelpBob.WordPress.com. Howard thought it was .org but Gary and Benjy said it was definitely a dot com. Howard said he can't wait for Gary to be on Letterman.
Robin read about the death of Solomon Burke who wrote the song ''Everybody Needs Somebody.'' They spent a minute on that.
Robin read about the killing of a man in a lake between the United States and Mexico a couple of weeks ago. Robin said that they've identified the suspects and they can take the suspicion off of the guy's wife. The cops were saying that she was a suspect at first. Robin said the guy was using a watercraft when he was shot and his body is yet to be located. Howard said Sal just booked a Mexican vacation trip.
Robin said a baby was created using eggs of a woman whose eggs were frozen 20 years ago. Howard asked Robin if she's sorry she didn't freeze her eggs in case she wants to have kids some day. Robin said she doesn't think about that. Howard asked if she would do it now. Robin said ''sure, why not...'' but she doesn't regret not doing it before.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus coming out with a new video that's being called ''near porn'' by some groups. Robin said they say that she writhes between silk sheets before going out on a dance floor with an older man. Howard said that sounds like it's good for him. Then he wondered if the ''older man'' was 22 years old. Robin said he could be 22 or 25.
Robin said she almost ran into Britney Spears while she was out in California. She said that she was in a lingerie shop out there and she was walking down the street and wanted to go in. She said that Britney had the store shut down. Robin said she did see her walking toward the front door but when she saw her she did an about face and walked away. Robin said she hung out with Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn. She said that Rebecca told her to let Howard know that she still loves him very much. Robin said she told her that Howard knows what's going on and he has to stop pretending he doesn't.
Gary came in and said this is great because Ross has a friend who ended up at a party with Jerry and Rebecca and Rebecca walked off when she heard Howard's name come up. Robin said that can't be possible. She said she doesn't think that would send her off. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on. Robin knows something and she has to share it with him so he can know. Howard said he doesn't know. He just knows that Jerry loves hanging out with him. Robin said she'll have to tell him off the air what's going on. Howard didn't want to stick around later than he had to. Gary wanted to guess what it was but Howard didn't want to know. Howard said he loves Rebecca and thinks she's great. He said they all love each other but no one wants to see each other.
Robin got back to her news and read about some synthetic marijuana that's being sold and it's not illegal in Minnesota. Robin had some audio of a guy taking about the fake stuff.
Robin read about a bunch of guys who were arrested for an anti-gay attack in the Bronx last week. Robin said they're still looking for one of the suspects but they arrested 8 others. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read about a new movie called ''Red'' and had some audio of Bruce Willis talking about working in the movie. Robin also had some audio of Johnny Knoxville talking about ''Jackass 3D.''
Robin read that Kelsey Grammer and his girlfriend suffered a miscarriage. Howard said he'd like to know if he's happy about that. He said he just got out of a relationship and then he's got another chick knocked up. Howard said the guy just had a whole new relationship and now he's got her knocked up. He said that sounds crazy to him.
Robin read about singer Ben Harper filing for divorce from his wife Laura Dern. Howard and Robin had just seen them at a party not too long ago and they seemed very happy together. Robin said they're divorcing and Ben is filing for custody of their kids.
Robin read about the trial where a couple had some pictures of John Stamos in compromising positions. The couple is going to jail for 4 years. Howard said that's good. Robin said no photographs ever surfaced during the trial. Howard said they had some odd number they wanted from him too. It was like $649,000 or something like that.
Robin said that the number one movie at the box office is ''The Social Network'' and she thinks it's great. Robin said it was compelling and he has to see it. Robin said that it's going to be the academy Award winner this year. Howard said he liked ''Machete.'' He said he saw it and loved it. Robin said she thought it was really bad. Howard said he's not sure how they got Robert De Niro to appear in the movie. Howard said they had Don Johnson show up out of nowhere. He said Lindsay Lohan appeared to be naked in it too. He said someone sent it to him. He said he prefers to get them on DVD. He wants to see the Karate Kid remake.
JD came in and said he saw ''The Human Centipede.'' He said Howard has to see that. Howard said he has the DVD but he's not sure he wants to see that. JD said that they have a guy in the lead and two girls follow. He said that they're sewn mouth to ass together. He said that it's not that great of a movie but the girls are topless. JD said they're covered with diapers so you don't see mouth on ass. JD said when the guy takes a shit the look on the girl's face was great. Howard asked what happens at the end. JD didn't want to give away the end. He said if you think you can stomach it, watch it. Howard asked if the chicks are hot. JD said one was pretty hot. He said he liked that one over the other chick.
Howard asked Gary if the girl from that movie ''I Spit On Your Grave'' is coming in. Gary said she's due in on Thursday morning. Howard said he liked that movie. JD said he heard that they're going to have a sequel for Human Centipede and they're going to have 12 people stuck together. He kept laughing as he was telling Howard about that stuff. Howard wondered if they could stick Sal and Richard together like a human centipede. He said he bets they could.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey going to the Jackson house. She said they're going to be doing a special about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he should sit down and pee to get rid of the dribbling. Howard said he actually did that years ago. Robin told him to start sitting then. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 11:20am.
Jon and Gary said they were surprised that Sal didn't get yelled at today. They were hoping that he would because they love that.
Sal came in so Jon said that he can't be blamed for being late but he should have called Gary. Sal said he was on the train and he wasn't able to listen to the show. He said he gave away the portable that he had. Sal said he doesn't want his wife listening to the show so he gave away the radio.
Gary said that Sal doesn't have it for work. He should have one. Sal said he should have called Gary. He said he knows that but he was hoping that Jon hadn't passed his exit yet. Gary said Sal should have called him. He asked Sal if he would call his boss if he was a stockbroker. Sal said he would. Sal said in this case he thought Jon had it covered. Gary said he would like Sal to think of him as a boss. Sal said he does. They went back and forth on that for a minute.
Sal said he has called Gary before. He said he called when he shit his pants when he was waiting for the train. Gary said there have been a couple of times that he hasn't called when he's been late. Sal didn't remember those times but Gary did.
Sal said he isn't trying to take advantage of Gary. He said that he knows that it's one of those really odd things and he doesn't have to beat his ass over this. Jon said that Gary didn't have an answer for Howard this morning because he didn't call him. Sal said that Jon must not have explained it correctly then. Gary said he's up at 4:15 and he's totally available for the call. Sal said he'll call him from now on.
Gary asked Sal why he thought it was okay not to call him. Sal said he had just killed two birds with one stone by calling Jon. He was trying to find out if he had passed his exit yet. He said he figured that Jon had it taken care of when he told him about it. Sal said that he'll call Gary from now on when he's going to be late. Jon asked Gary if Richard is taking advantage too. Gary said he's not doing that at all.
Richard came in and talked about the bits that Howard has rejected and the stuff he played this morning. Gary said that it seems like they're not into doing stuff on the air like they used to. Richard said that they don't have a lot of ideas for doing stuff. He said there isn't a flat out reason they don't do things now. Sal said that they don't want to interrupt Howard's flow either. Gary said that sounds like stockbroker bullshit to him. He said that didn't stop them in the past.
Gary said he hasn't really seen any ideas that they've turned down lately. He said that they used to just do stuff without passing it along. Gary said he thinks that something happened that's keeping them from going on the air. Gary thought he knew what had caused it but Richard and Sal said they still do stuff on the air. Richard said he got naked for George Takei. He said they're not staying out of there completely.
Richard said they were more crazy when they first got there and they've cut back on the crazy stuff. Richard said it's hard to explain but they don't want to make people sick of them. He said they'll just do things now and then. Gary asked if his fiancee wants him to stop doing the gay stuff. Richard said that's not it at all.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that tying Richard and Sal together as a human centipede would be awesome. Richard said that was their idea. They put that note up for Howard. Gary asked whose mouth would be on whose ass. Sal said he's not putting his mouth on Richard's ass. He said they could do a ''Wheel of Centipede'' where they have to put their mouths on other parts of the body. Gary asked Sal if he would take Richard's left ball in his mouth completely. Sal said no. Richard said he would take Sal's ball in his mouth. He said he already licked it so it's not that much of a stretch.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that it sounds like Richard and Sal are dammed if they do and damned of they don't. They can't win with anything they do there. He said that they get yelled at for doing bits and yelled at for not doing bits. Richard got yelled at for the fake infection bit he did on his arm. Richard said that might be when he decided to change a little bit. Richard said that he thought that he should calm down around then. Gary said he could bounce stuff off of him before he does it.
Sal said he bounced an idea off of Gary and he turned it down but he thinks that it would have been funny. Sal said they're always trying to come up with new ideas for the show back there in their office. Richard said they'd like to do new stuff and not retread old ideas. He said it's not always easy to come up with ideas. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the list of songs they had sounded very cliché to him. Gary said they were but some of them might have been cool to hear with Aaron singing them.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Aaron about how he broke the news to the band that he was out doing solo shows.
After that clip Sal said that some guys can go out there and do it on their own and some can't. He said that if he was in the band he'd be kind of upset if he was out on his own. Sal thought Howard brought it out in an interesting way.
Gary said he enjoyed the interview today. He said that he was fascinated to hear what his politics were. He said they've never talked about that before. Gary said that band has done a lot for them over the years too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary gave away too many of the scenes from the Jackass movie. Gary said there are no surprises in the movie. Richard said he agrees with the guy because he didn't want to hear about all of the stunts. Gary said he shouldn't have listened to it then. He said Johnny was going to talk about some of them anyway. The caller said he shouldn't have mentioned so many of the stunts. He said that he also went on too much about Artie on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. Gary said he was asked a question so he answered it. He can't tell him what to say on the air. The caller said he should be following Howard's lead and not talk about it so much. Gary and the caller went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. The guy asked if they have set a date for Artie coming in yet. Gary said they haven't set a date yet.
Gary was trying to figure out what he shouldn't have done. The caller didn't have an answer for him. The guy said that Gary shouldn't be commenting about Artie if Howard isn't commenting. The caller said that Howard didn't rehash anything when he said he wasn't comfortable having Artie on the show. He said that Gary gets excited and he should just stay calm and not say so much.
Jon asked the caller what Gary should talk about on Letterman. The guy said he should tell some stories from the show but maybe run them by Howard. They let the caller go and talked about Gary's nightmare about going on Letterman for a few seconds before they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about how he was trying to get motivated to get talking. He said he was having a tough time getting up this morning. He said he went to bed after learning that David Arquette and Courteney Cox are breaking up. Howard said he has to read that article. He said he was sad about that. Robin said Howard had just gotten to know them as a couple. Howard said that David already has a girlfriend that looks exactly like Courteney.
Howard said that they says they've been broken up for a couple of months now. He said they were still together when he saw them at the Jimmy Kimmel party. He said he may have made Courteney fall in love with him at the party and that's the problem there. Howard said he had read that Courteney was having an affair and he wrote to David asking if he was okay. Howard said he thought it might not be true and David told him it was total bullshit. Howard said sometimes it is true though.
Howard said maybe they weren't fucking for a while and that's what led to the break up. Howard had the article there and read through some of the stuff that David had said. Howard said he liked the look of David's new girlfriend. Howard read through the article where they talk about their 11 year marriage and the daughter David and Courteney have.
Howard said he want to see a screening of a movie over the weekend and it was about a marriage dissolving. He said that he can't remember the name of the movie though. He said it was about how bad a relationship can get. Howard said they show you how it goes down and it was very well done. Howard said they did that in ''Diary of a Mad House Wife'' too. He said this one is kind of depressing. He said the movie has blue and/or velvet in the name. Then he found it and it was actually ''Blue Valentine.'' Howard said he saw Alec Baldwin there at the movie but he blew right past him. He said that he didn't want to yell out to him so he just let him go by. Howard said he was out wearing his boot for his broken toe so he was annoyed.
Howard read the Arquette break up article and they're saying that they've been broken up for a few months now. Robin said that the statement sounded like something Courteney would say. Howard said no guy can figure out what a woman really wants. Robin said that the basic male M.O. is that they capture something and then move on to the next thing. Howard said they're saying that David is planning to move in with this other girl he's dating. She's the same girl that Lindsay Lohan accused of hitting her.
Howard said the real winner in that situation is Jennifer Aniston because she has a single friend again. Howard said it's going back to being like ''Friends'' again. Howard said they'll hit the town but they'll be really picky. Howard wondered if Courteney got jealous of Jennifer being out dating. Robin didn't think that was the case.
Howard said divorce is really hard when you have a kid. He said he went through that. Howard wondered who dumped who and what the real situation was. Howard said he'd like to know if it was Courteney going out cheating on David or what. Robin said they were going to counseling all this time too. She said they were on the ropes at the very beginning and they lasted 11 years. Howard said people just get bored with each other. Robin said that's an immature attitude. Howard said no one is prepared for it. Robin said she is. Howard said Robin isn't that prepared but she thinks she is so he admires that.
Howard said he was reading about Brett Favre and the girl he was texting with. Gary said he's married and in the public eye and he was texting really damaging stuff. Howard said the guy is dumb. Gary said that he never met up with that girl but he may have met up with others. Howard said you don't send pictures of your dick to anyone. Howard said he can always say it's not his dick. Robin said it had his number on the text though.
Howard said that Favre is a big, dumb jock who is good at throwing a ball. He's not a smart guy. Howard said the NFL makes these guys seem squeaky clean. Meanwhile they're insane. Howard said it's like Johnny Knoxville and the Jackass stunts. He said you have to be insane to do that stuff. Howard said these guys are nuts but the NFL wants to paint these guys like they're real heroes. Howard said they're not heroes, the guys over in Iraq and Afghanistan are the real heroes. Robin said those guys aren't squeaky clean either.
Howard took a call but he wasn't there. Howard said the guy wanted to know why he used the word ''fag'' so much back at WNBC. Howard said he was listening to some of the special they ran last week and he had to turn it off after 3 seconds. He said it was painful to listen to. He said he's evolved as a person and as a performer since then. Howard said he tuned in and heard Al Rosenberg saying ''fag'' so he had to turn it off. Howard said he could have done things so much better back then. Howard said he wishes that he had told Tim not to play that stuff. He said that he is glad the fans got to hear the history of the show though.
Howard said he hates to hear the word ''fag'' because it hurts people. Howard said he used it back then because his heart was pure and he wasn't using it as anti-gay. It was a term that he was comfortable using it back then because people would use it in a different way. He said he's not comfortable using the word now. Robin said that's like southern people saying that they use the N-word because they're used to it.
Howard said he still says ''you're so gay'' to people and some people could say that's just as wrong as using ''fag.'' Gary said he heard the whole special and he heard Howard saying ''faggot'' but it was 1984 and it didn't seem that bad at the time.
Howard said he hates listening to that stuff and hearing the clapping and the other stuff. Howard said he was also playing music back then. Howard said that wasn't him. He said they made him change. He said he had to put on a voice and try to be happier for them there. Howard said it just wasn't him. He's not proud of those years. He said he hates those years. He's fine with anything from WXRK (K-Rock). Howard said he was forcing himself to do stuff at NBC that he didn't want to do.
Howard said Kevin Metheney was bashing him and he was out to ruin his life. Howard said he's all nice now but he knows what it was really like over there. Howard said he's never encountered so much hate and mean spirited nastiness. Howard said he will never forgive the guy for that. Howard said he hopes that any radio station he works for fails. He said the guy was vicious.
Howard said he didn't like that special and that wasn't good radio to him. He said he thinks that it's good that they let the fans hear that stuff but he'd prefer to forget about it. Howard said anything he did at NBC he wishes he could erase and delete from history. Howard said he's glad he stuck it out there so Mel Karmazin heard him. He said his ratings were good but he's not even sure why that was.
Howard said he felt like he was getting ass raped while he was there. He said he didn't want to get into the stories about what went on there but he didn't like being there. Robin said it was like going into a fox hole in a war there. Howard said Randy Baungarten helped out a little bit. He said he helped make it bearable there. Howard said he hated it there. He said it was absolute torture there. Howard stalked about how mean Kevin was and how wrong it was to demoralize him while he was there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was great to hear that Peacock Years special. He said he wondered why they would clap during their bits. Howard said it was very annoying but they were sending memos out making them do stuff like that. Howard said that his presentation now is different than it was back then. Howard said it was a nutty time back then. Robin said the NBC people were trying to make it a zoo-like environment. Howard said he stuck it out there so he could get noticed. Howard said if he had quit then he could have ended his career right there. Howard said he figured he could win the ratings there and that's why he stuck it out.
The caller said that Howard was claiming he was going to get out of radio even back then. Howard said he really thought he would be getting out of it back then. The caller asked if he has any idea what he's going to be doing after this contract is up. Howard said he can't talk about it. He doesn't have any plans yet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the special was painful for him. He said he heard that stuff back then it was new and he didn't want to live through it again. Howard said that he switched over and heard the Best of from Sirius on the other channel. He said that some fans like hearing the history of the show. Howard said that's the beauty of working there. Howard said people just bust his balls all day long.
Howard said he opens up his email and tells Beth about it. He said that everyone has a life or death situation there and he's not sure how he got involved. Howard said a couple of friends just say hi and send him some funny stuff. Howard said he gets work-related stuff but then he gets this other mail asking for stuff. Howard said he gave out his email to these people thinking they were friends but they just want something from him.
Howard said he was reading about Mickey Mantle and how he was sexually assaulted by some family members. Howard said he may have been sexually molested as a child too. He said he uncovered a memory that upsets him and he's not really sure if it's molestation.
Howard said there was a person, who he won't name, who told him to sit on his lap. Howard said he sat on his lap and the guy stuck his hand on his balls and started to push his hand under his balls. He said the guy caused him pain. He jumped off his lap and he was freaked out. Howard asked if that's molestation. Robin said yes, it is. Howard said he was molested then. Howard said this memory came back and two people witnessed it and didn't say anything. Robin said sometimes people don't know what to do in a situation like that. Robin said that people won't say anything because they think they'll never see that person again or that he won't do it ever again. Howard said he was just a little kid at the time and no one was protecting him.
Howard said he was sent to schools where he wasn't protected either. He said that things just weren't good for him. Robin said that Eminem was able to turn it into a career. Howard said he wasn't able to do that. He never thought to rhyme to get through it.
Howard said he thinks about this person squeezing his balls when he was young. Robin said no one should have their hands on a young boy's balls unless it's the parents washing them. Howard said he now has a story. Robin said he could relate that to Oprah. Howard said life it fucked up. Howard said he was starting to feel glad he had a story like that to share.
Howard said this guy Van Morrison was found with another woman but he claims he didn't know the woman or her baby. Then they say he was seen out with her. He's got a wife and two kids. Howard said Van Morrison looks like a troll. He said the guy is fat, short and odd looking. He said that bitches have always been a problem for him but he still manages to get them.
Howard said he had a meting yesterday about lighting in his closet. Howard said he looks in the mirror and he looks like a monster. Howard said Ralph said the same thing. Howard said Beth didn't even look good in that mirror. He said they had a fluorescent light in there and he called in this lighting guy. He said they have the same lights in the bathroom but it doesn't work in the closet the same way. Howard said the guy climbed up the ladder and found that they switched out the glass. It was green glass. He said that's why they look green in the mirror. Howard said he has to call the designer and the guy who built the thing to fix it. Howard said he just wants what he paid for.
Howard said the light makes you look sick like your skin is turning green. Howard said he has to go deal with that now. He said no one will know. Howard said he has a reason to want to hang himself. Not Rick Springfield.
Howard said he got the movie and he was very honored. He told Beth he got the movie and bragged about that. He said that he might not have a big cock but he can get a movie like that early. Howard said he was very excited and proud. Howard said he had some dinner and wine and then went to watch the movie. He put the thing in and it opens up a little dry. He said they're in Iceland and it's the collapse of the Iceland economy. Howard said Matt Damon is explaining what's going on in Iceland. He said they start interviewing people in Iceland and going to all of the officials over there. Howard said it turns out to be his Documentary that he narrates, not the ''Hereafter'' movie. Howard said he thought it was the new movie that Clint Eastwood had directed. Howard said he could copy it and sell it on the internet and not make a cent. Howard said it was really generous of them to send him that. He said he turned it off and winged it. He said he was so pissed. Howard said Vinnie was false advertising with that. He said everything just backfires on him. He said he turned that off in 5 minutes. Howard said he thought the guy was going to get psychic powers or something.
Howard read an article about the fighting going on and how they want to be the last one in there. Howard said that maybe the last guy wants to write a book but any of them could write a book. Howard said that they're saying that they will bring them out based on technical factors. Howard said he can't imagine fighting over who is getting out last. He said they should just leave them all down there. Robin said she can't wait to see the guy with the wife and the mistress come out.
Howard said that chick that David Arquette is dating is really hot. He said he had to get to some other stuff but he had to take a break. He wanted to talk about Dancing with the Stars. He said he actually brought that Matt Damon movie back to give back to Sony. He said that he wants them to see that they can trust him with a movie.
Gary came in and told Howard that they wouldn't give him a copy of ''Machete'' and they refused to send them a copy. Howard said they were willing to set up a screening but he didn't have time to do that. Howard said that was for a stupid fucking movie. He said that he ended up loving the movie and they wouldn't send him a copy when it was in the theater. Howard said that he talked about that back then and within a day he got about 50 bootlegged copies. He said that he's not the one who is going to send out bootlegs. They're already out there.
Howard said that Michelle Rodriguez looked good in that movie. Howard said that they're sitting there protecting the movies from him and meanwhile everyone out there already has it. Howard said it's not the movies that are taken in the theater either. He said they're pristine copies. Howard said they can keep worrying about him while Rome burns. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how great YouTube is when they're not posting clips of his stuff. Howard said he typed in ''David Bowie'' and got to see some cool stuff. Howard said he had a nicer body than a lot of women he knows. Howard said he was listening to some great songs he did. Robin said she loaded up her iPod with a lot of his stuff. Howard said he was a big cross dresser back then and he thinks that he's straight now. Robin said no one sees him anymore. He's gone underground. Howard said it was a cool look back then. He said he really loves that guy.
Howard said David Arquette was on the phone so he had to take that call. Howard got him on the line and Robin said he was just on the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable the other night. Howard said this is kind of awkward. He said that he was going to call the other night but he felt weird about it. Howard said he's sad for David and Courteney.
David told Howard he wanted to get the story straight first. He said he called Howard because he's the greatest. He said he wanted to have an exclusive with him and get the story straight. Howard told him to be real about it. Howard was wondering where he was at because there were some odd sounds there. He figured he was in a shed with Andy Dick. David got a laugh out of that. He said he's with Ass Napkin Ed sharing a shit bucket.
Howard said he wrote to David a few months ago about the affair story that was out a few months ago. He said sometimes that shit is true. Howard said he asked David if he was okay. David was fine and said it was all bullshit. Howard said he has the feeling there was an affair. David told him to slow down. Howard asked where he was at. David said he was at his house. Howard asked where Courteney was. She was at their house too but a different house.
David said that this world is so fucked up right now and everyone is full of shit. He said that the whole world is full of shit. David said they need more honesty in this world. He said he's trying to be the best person he can. He said he quit drinking a few weeks ago. Robin said she thought he stopped years ago. David said that wasn't the case. He said he did have a drink last night for the first time. He said he had a shit storm hit him last night.
Howard told David to stop being so cryptic. David said on their 11th anniversary Courteney gave him a motorcycle. He said she told him she didn't want to be his mother anymore. He said he really appreciated that. David said she didn't want to tell him not to do things and nag him. He said he really respects that. David said she told him to go out and do whatever he wanted. He said that the stuff he does and the way he acts is what Courteney loves about him. He said that it's also the stuff that she doesn't want in her life.
Howard asked if it's creeping into the kid's life and stuff. David said he'll straighten this story out if he gives him a chance. Howard said he has a theory about the story too.
David said he has a new name for Howard. He said it's the King of All Honesty and not the King of All Media. David kept saying that the world is really fucked up. Then he told Robin that he's single now. He said he'd fuck her on the red eye tonight if he had the chance.
Howard asked Robin if David could come over tonight and have some romance tonight. Robin asked what time he could get there. David said he can't be there tonight but he can get there soon.
David got back to the story about Courteney and said that she doesn't want to be his mother anymore. He said that he's going to therapy and trying to figure himself out. He said he and Courteney are still best friends. He said she's the best woman he's ever met. David said she's got her issues too. He said she takes on everyone's problems. He said that's why she doesn't want to be his mother anymore. David said there is no problem there. He said that they're not divorcing but they are legally separated. Howard said there's no problem but he's talking about fucking Robin.
David said that he didn't call and report this stuff to the papers. He said that it's all of the fucked up people in the world who called. Howard said he can tell that Courteney instigated the break up based on what it said. David said it was actually him. He said they've had a trial separation for a while now. He said they went to do ''Scream 4'' and he was feeling distance from his wife. He said they hadn't had sex in about a month or so. Now it's been about 4 months. He said that they're not having sex but he understands. David said she's an emotional being and she doesn't feel like bonding in that way. David said that went on for a few months and he started crawling the walls.
David said they went to shoot ''Scream 4'' and there were all of these kids in their 20s in the movie. He said they shot it in Ann Arbor, Michigan. David said if she wasn't going to be his mother then he was going to be himself. He said he was going to be himself like Hanzi. David said he went out and he was just himself. David said he just went out and partied. David said he spent 11 years of his marriage being the most faithful man in the world. He said Howard can't imagine how faithful he was. He said he's legendary in the way he got things done.
Howard asked if he was saying that he used to fuck a lot of women but he stopped. David said he wants to fuck Robin now. Howard asked David if he was amazing for stopping the fucking when he met Courteney. David said he was able to stop when he changed his brain. He said he stopped flirting and he wasn't available to anyone. He was completely committed. David rehashed everything he had already said and Howard was helping him end his sentences.
Howard asked David what his point was because he was beating around the bush. David said that Courteney wanted him to be his true self and that might not be the best thing for her. He said that if she's looking for calm and security then it might not be for her. He said they're still best friends and they still love each other.
Howard said he didn't want to break his heart here but the fact is that they're separated. He said that Courteney is going to take up with some guy eventually. David said that the story about his girlfriend is bullshit. David said he did go out with her once or maybe twice. He said she's beautiful but he's not sure how she's involved in this nonsense or not. David said he's not sure if she put the story out or not and he doesn't feel thrown under the bus by her or anything.
Howard asked what happened in Ann Arbor. David said he was out there just having a good time. Howard asked if he was compromising who he was when he was married. David said she wants him to be who he really is now. David said that she's trying to decide if that's who she really wants to spend her whole life with. Howard said he's the fun, goofy guy. David said that it wasn't his idea to start with.
Howard asked David about this report about the co-star affair story. David said that the guy is her co-star on ''Cougar Town'' which is on every Wednesday night. David said that she denied the story to him and he believes that. He said he believes that she may have an emotional thing with that guy. Robin asked if he thinks she had an emotional friend. David said she's putting him in a wired spot.
Howard asked David if Courteney was having an emotional thing with this guy and that got him jealous. David said he just wants to fuck his wife. He said he that's all he wants. David said he doesn't want to stop having sex with her. Robin said that she stopped wanting to have sex with him so that's what happened there.
David told Howard that he went crazy in Ann Arbor and he was just being himself. He said he got a new tattoo and she didn't want him to do that. David said he was just being himself. He said he went through this whole process and that led to them trying this trial separation. David said they were still together when they were at the Kimmel party. He said they did the separation thing after that. David said Courteney wanted him to go out and see people if he wanted to. Howard said maybe she wants to see people too.
David said that this whole thing led to the bullshit newspaper articles. Howard asked if she started having sex with that other guy. David said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't want to know and she doesn't want to know what he's up to either. Howard said that's fair enough.
David said that yesterday his only conquest became public. He said that he wanted to release the statement when they decided to separate but they had to release the statement yesterday. David said that people think he's a sleaze bag because of this. Howard said that it's good this came out because he doesn't look so bad if he's separated.
Howard asked if the girl he went out with is the one who released the information. David said he's not sure. Howard asked if he called her and asked if she was the one. David said she texted him and asked what was going on because people were calling her. He said it's all irrelevant.
David said that they still co-exist and he still sleeps over at his house. He said their daughter, Coco, is 6 and she took it pretty hard. He said they took her out to a picnic and broke the news to her. Howard said he had to do the same with his daughter when she was 6. He said she broke down and cried when he broke the news to her. David said he wants his wife to be happy and that's it. He said he wants her to be calm and be able to sleep at night. He said if something that he has in his genetic make up isn't right for her then he wants her to do what she needs to do. He said if he doesn't talk enough for her then he wants her to be happy with someone else. Howard said David seems to be a chatty guy and he's not that quiet. David said he's kind of moody.
Howard asked if he saw this movie ''Blue Valentine.'' David said he hadn't seen it yet. Howard said the movie reminded him of David. He said he kind of sensed what was going on and it reminded him about them as a couple.
Howard asked if this had anything to do with Jennifer Aniston going around dating. David said that they'll probably write about it like it did but he doesn't think hat had anything to do with it. Howard said that's the feeling he got. David said he's wrong about that. He said that Courteney is the greatest woman that ever lived. Robin said that's why she can't sleep with him.
Howard said he's sorry this didn't work. David said this whole thing happened and that's that. He said he had told the whole story. Howard said that it was like David wasn't fitting the bill anymore and Courteney was done with it. Howard told David to tell Courteney that whoever this guy is talking to her can marry her but within 3 years she'll be nagging him just like she did with David. David said that's what he's saying too. Howard said David needs to find new romance and try to make it happen again.
David said they have been spending time with Coco and they are spending time together. David said that he's doing this show at Beacher's Mad House and Courteney is talking to him about that. He said he's not talking enough and he's just taking everything in. He said they go out and sit and watch Coco and he says to her that it's the greatest day of his life. Courteney says that she's happy to hear that because he's not talking enough and she's worried about him. She wasn't able to tell how he was feeling because he doesn't talk enough.
Howard said he's working on being less verbal. He said that Beth waits to talk until she's ready. He said that he doesn't need someone yapping every second. He said he has come to appreciate that.
David said he's hoping that this thing just works itself out. Howard said maybe they're just sick of each other after 11 years together. Robin said that women are more emotional than sexual so that might be what it is. Robin said that she may have to vent. David asked Robin to please have sex with him. He asked her not to pull the plug.
Howard said he was playing chess yesterday and Beth came to him and told him that some friends of his were separating. He guessed who it was but he was wrong. Howard said he was bummed out when he found out who it was. Howard asked David if he thinks Courteney has had new cock. He said she denies she has. He said he's being honest with her and he's hoping she is too.
David said that when they had sex they scheduled it almost. He said that sex with another woman can be so passionate. Howard said that's what women have to understand. He said you can't just lay there. David said that their sex was always very loving. He said when it stopped then it got tricky. David said his sexual encounters made him feel pretty manly. Howard said David is a guy who has a lot of options. David said he was the most faithful man. He said he doesn't want people saying he was a cheater. He said that's the last thing he was doing. He said he's trying to be as honest as he can.
Howard said he read that article and he figured that he had been separated for a while before going out. Howard said he probably wasn't getting any and that girl was the first girl he had been with. David told Courteney to go out and find the right guy if that's really what she has to do.
David said that this breaks his heart. He said they're both broken hearted. He said that if she meets someone who makes her happy then he's fine with that. He said he really just wants her to be happy. Howard said he's a really good guy.
Howard said he'd like to find someone really good for David. David said that he'd love to be with Robin so they can just laugh together. Fred played some edited clips of Robin asking him to touch her pussy and things like that.
David said he just had this one girl and he wasn't out fucking everything in the world. Howard asked if he'll ever see that girl again. David said he won't do anything with her again. He said he may run into her again but he won't do anything. Howard asked if he's going to beg Courteney to get back together with him. He said she's conflicted too so they need time to figure out what they want.
Howard said he has the feeling that he's responsible in a way. He said he talks a lot and she may have fallen in love with him. David said that might be the case. Howard said she may have wanted it but David came over and cock blocked him.
Howard asked David if he would go out with Drew Barrymore. David said he loves her. Howard told him he should date Jennifer Aniston. David said he's going where those tabloids are going. He said he's not going to date Jennifer Aniston. Howard told David if he wanted to go down in history he should go out with Aniston and then dump her for Angelina Jolie and then Bukakke Lisa Kudrow. David said he's not looking to stir up the tabloid dreams.
Howard said it's kind of sad that David and Courteney met on Scream and they're separated by Scream 4. Howard said he doesn't think that they're going to get back together. He said David will be just fine though. He asked how they're going to split up the money. David said it doesn't matter. He said he'd live on the street if he has to. Howard told him not to say that.
Gary came in and said he has to ask David about a report that says Courteney was on the set of her show and she didn't come home one night. David said that story isn't true. He said there were some nights around that time when she was hanging out a lot at work. Gary said they say that it was the co-star that sent her limo home that night. David said that they're just trying to be honest in all of this.
Howard wanted to sum it all up. He said that now Courteney can get older on her own. He said that he would bang his wife hard but now David can bang younger women. He said he can bang Hayden Panettiere if he wants. He said that Miley Cyrus is turning 18 in a month too. David said that he's not interested in doing that.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who asked if he wanted to go out and party. David said they should go out and party. David said he's going to stick a napkin in his ass and go party with Eric.
Howard asked David if he knows Ben Harper. David said he's his buddy. Howard said that he's getting divorced too. He said he and Ben are going to tear up the town. David said it's not about that. David said they're still trying to work it out. He said they still love each other.
Howard said he had better stop hanging out with couples. He said they were doing fine until he hung out with them. David said that they still love each other. Howard thanked David for calling in and started to wrap up with him. David said that he's going to have to email Robin. He thinks he has her email address. Howard said he must have been beating off a lot when he wasn't having sex. David said he's raw. Howard told him to hang in there. He told him to call him if he has to talk to anyone in a serious way.
Howard let David go and said when he was out there he thinks that he may have ruined their marriage. Howard said he was talking to Courteney in a really deep way. He said David is such a nice guy too. He feels bad about the break up. Robin said she's not sure what it's like living with him. Howard wondered if he was being real about wanting to fuck Robin. Robin said she's not sure. She said she thinks he's a nice looking guy though.
Howard said that Robin's braids were looking different on FOX and Friends. Howard said she looked good but she had a brand new hairdo. Howard said he thought she went to a stylist and she had a new look. Robin said she forgot about that. Howard asked if she looked at the playback. Robin said she didn't.
Howard asked if Russell Brand was there yet. Gary said he's on his way. Howard figured he should take a break then. He said they just got the full story from David Arquette. Howard did a quick synopsis of the call and talked about his own separation from his first wife. Howard said he knows what that separation thing is like. He said he didn't take his kid out on a picnic to let her know they were divorcing though. Howard said he just told his daughter in her room. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Gary if he had booked Billy Joel for the show. Gary said he called and they wanted to wait until November.
Howard had Russell Brand come in next. He said that he has a new book (Booky Wook 2: This Time It's Personal) coming out and he's going to be autographing books in the city tonight. Howard asked him why he didn't come up with a different title instead of coming out with a sequel. Russell said that life went on so he just did a sequel. He said there could be a third Booky Wook as well.
Howard said he feels like things are moving along very fast for Russell and he's showing up in a lot of movies and stuff. He's also dating Katy Perry right now. Russell said that they're really just a couple of mammals on the planet like a couple of cows. Howard said fame is very important to Russell though. Russell said that it's a very dominant thing and it's everywhere now. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard said a lot of fame comes from people who are just famous for being famous. He said it's very strange. Russell agreed.
Howard said that Katy Perry is very feminine and sexy. Russell said that's what you look for in a wife. You don't want to find someone who is A-sexual and masculine. Howard said Katy is the whole package and she's exciting. Howard said that she's compelled them to greater heights. Howard said it seems perfect but he's concerned. He said he's not sure it's going to last. Russell seems to think that things will be fine even if it lasts just 8 years. Howard asked how they're going to work it out when she's out on tour. Russell said he likes that she's happy and going out touring. He said it works out well.
Howard asked Russell if he worries about her going out and cheating on him. Howard said he must think about that. Russell said that at the moment they see each other enough that there isn't that jealously. He said it's all fine at the moment. Howard asked how often they see each other. He said that they don't go more than a week or two without seeing each other. Howard said he gets weird with Beth going away. He said he didn't cope well with her being away shooting the TV show she was on.
Russell is supposed to be marrying Katy later this month. Howard read an article about that but Russell said that the details weren't quite right. Howard said that they seem to be very over the top with their relationship. Russell said they're really just a normal couple. He said that one morning she had an airplane write ''I Love You'' in the air with airplane pollution. He said he had said ''I love you'' the night before but she didn't respond. She was just saving it up for that airplane thing.
Russell said that he has realized that every woman goes nuts once a month. He used to swap women out when that would happen. He said he knows what it is now and he's dealing with it.
Howard said he was reading that Russell and Katy fight a lot. Russell said he actually loves when Katy drinks. He said that makes it easier for him. He said he doesn't drink anymore himself. Howard said it must be tough to be on the wagon when his girlfriend is drinking. Russell said it's fine. He said it would be a problem if he was out with Jimi Hendrix or Lindsay Lohan.
Howard asked Russell about some of the reports in the paper and Russell said that he's just looking to get on with Katy. He said that these stories in the paper are all made up. He made up some stories about Howard as well. Russell said they really get along just fine.
Robin asked about this Las Vegas thing that was in the paper. Howard said he thinks that Russell was right. Howard said he saw that Russell had a great bachelor party in London. He had a bunch of famous people there at this party. He asked if they were happy to be around his friends. Russell said that Guy Richie wasn't there but there was a fame hierarchy at the table. He said he was the most famous there. He said that the less famous the others were the farther away from him they were at the table. Russell said they went to see a soccer game over there and then they went to a strip club. Russell said that you can't take the women home with you so what's the point? Russell said he didn't even have a dance that night. He said it was very weird in there. He said Noel Gallagher didn't stick around at the strip club. He said Guy Richie wasn't there either.
Howard said he doesn't get the guys who get blow jobs at the bachelor party. Russell said he couldn't do that because his father-in-law was there and he's a preacher so he'd curse him if he did that.
Howard asked Russell about his long hair and if he's got people after him about that. Howard said he had people getting on him about it back in the 90s. Russell said he likes the long hair and he's keeping it.
Howard asked Russell about Katy's bachelorette party and how that went. Russell said she had her friend Rihanna there. Howard asked if she's one of her best friends. Russell said that she's one of her more famous friends but he's not sure it's one of her best friends.
Howard read that Russell did a radio show over in England and he's been doing more stuff with his old partner. Russell said he'd actually like to do some stuff for SIRIUS if Howard is okay with that. Howard said he read that they were courting him already.
Robin asked about Russell getting arrested for assaulting some photographer. Russell said that this guy was getting down low and trying to get a shot up Katy's skirt. Russell said that he just walked in a straight line with his fist out and anything in that space would get hit. He said he just kept walking to get them out of the way. They were in a rush to get going to see Katy's grandmother. Howard said that the charges were dropped because the guy was trying to get a shot that he shouldn't have. Russell said he thinks he has to go to an office hearing and apologize to the guy. He doesn't think there will be any legal ramifications.
Howard asked if Katy is shaved down. Russell said that's his future wife he's talking about. Howard said he thinks that he's going to have a tough time being married. He read in his book that he had sex with Kate Moss. Howard said the fact that he scored with Kate Moss is something that other guys would give their left nut for. Russell said that would look like a bowling ball in a sack if you gave away one of your nuts.
Howard asked Russell about having kids and how he'll end up telling the kid in 11 years at a picnic that you're getting divorced. Howard said Russell could end up wanting to get another Kate Moss in the future. Russell said he can't even remember what it was like having sex with her.
Howard asked Russell if the super models just lay there when they're having sex. Russell said that when you have sex with someone like that it may not be quite what you expected. Russell said he tried not to talk too much about Kate in the book. He didn't want to make her look bad or anything. Howard asked if she was okay with him writing about it. Russell said that she didn't tell him not to write about stuff but she also didn't say it was okay to do it.
Russell said that he was just starting to get famous when he went out with Kate. He said that he went on a few dates with her. He said that she had requested to meet him actually. Russell said he was doing stand-up gigs at the time and she'd show up. He said that she'd be dressed up and he'd be wondering if he was making her laugh. He said he didn't feel so good about himself. He said it made him very humble. Howard asked how she ended it with him and if she had someone tell him to get lost. Russell said he was handed a black napkin that said ''bugger off'' and that was it. He was just joking about that.
Russell told Howard about how he told his friends about going out with Kate and how his mate Matt told him that she was a bit thin. His father wasn't happy for him either. Howard wondered what it is about the British that they can't get excited. Russell said he just wanted a pat on the back.
Howard asked Russell about how the break up happened. Russell said he said something to a reporter and the whole thing fell apart because of that. He said that she was ''just a bird'' and that made her ask him if he was just an idiot. He said things just fell apart.
Howard asked Russell about something from his book where he did a sketch with Will Ferrall and called him a ''cunt'' in the sketch. He asked if they're allowed to say that on TV in England. Russell said you can say it twice an hour over there. He said that the rules are a little relaxed over there. Russell said that Will was very surprised and returned the word to him in the sketch.
Howard said that Russell's book, Booky Wook 2: This Time It's Personal, is out today. He gave him some plugs for that and for the book signing he's doing.
Howard said that Russell is doing a remake of the movie ''Arthur'' and he's seen a lot of pictures from the set. He noticed that his chest hair is all gone. Russell said that it's difficult to know how to stop once you shave it off. He's been keeping it off. He said he's not shaving his arms but he does keep his pubes trimmed. Howard noticed that his fly was undone. Russell said he had to rush in there from the bathroom so he left it open.
Howard asked if he shaves his balls. Russell said he uses a razor on his nut sack. He doesn't use a razor on his chest though. Howard said he trims his bush too but some people think that it's kind of gay to do that.
Howard said that he and Beth used to go out to strip clubs with him. He said that doesn't go on anymore. Howard told him about how he came in his pants while they were at a club one night. Russell said that's brilliant and he just came in his pants hearing that story.
Howard asked Russell about meeting a girl on the set of one of his movies. He had brought a girl to the set with him but he sent her home after meeting Kristen Bell. Russell said it was a terrible mistake because Kristen had a boyfriend at the time.
Howard said that Russell will be at Barnes and Nobel tomorrow night at 7 in Union Square. Howard asked if he'll stick around and sign for everyone that shows up. Russell said he will.
Robin asked Russell if he's seen ''Arthur'' yet. Russell said he did and he loved Dudley Moore and Liza Minelli in it. Robin said she meant his remake of the movie. Russell jokingly said that it was sacrilege and no one should see that. He said he hasn't seen the whole thing yet. He said he's just seen bits and pieces of it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Katy and Russell have made any home sex tapes. Russell jokingly said they were up on the web. Howard said that maybe they could make one and erase it. Russell said that if you do that and erase it, what's the point. Howard said he and Beth did that. He said they got rid of it as soon as possible because it looked horrible. Howard said his penis didn't look good on tape. He said the head looked too purple and it was too veiny.
Howard asked Russell if he ever takes naked pictures of Katy. He said they have a very normal relationship. Howard said Beth has sent him pictures of herself in front of a mirror in panties. He said he would show him that picture if Russell would show him a picture of Katy. Russell said that she'd get kind of cross with him if he did that. Howard said Beth would too. The Howard TV guys showed Russell the picture that Beth had sent to him. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Russell is known as ''RustyRocket'' on twitter. He wondered if that means that he gives her anal. Russell said he has had that nickname for quite a while so that's not what it means.
Another caller asked Russell to talk about Katy's tits a little bit. Russell said that if he's trying to find sexual satisfaction listening to two men talking then he's not listening to the right thing. He said he should try to meet some actual females and stop masturbating at home. Howard said he likes Katy a lot. He said he had to watch Katy on SNL just to see her outfits. Howard said that would drive him crazy if he wasn't there with her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that you can see Katy Perry on Google images and he'd like to know if that's real. Russell said that is not a real picture. He said that's a Photoshop. He said that anyone could do that with a few minutes of experience on the computer.
Howard asked Russell if he thinks that he was surrounded by bad parenting and he might not do that well with kids of his own. Russell said that his father wasn't around much but his mom was. He said she did a fine job.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Russell and she just masturbated to him. Howard asked if that was true. She said it was. She said she just saw his movie the other night and she used a vibrator to masturbate to him today. Howard asked what she was imagining him doing to her. She said she thought about him eating her out. Russell said he's very good at that and he made some noises and explained that you do that to give labial vibrations when you're doing that. Howard asked the caller if she was attractive. She said she was attractive. She said she has 34-DD breasts and dark hair. Russell said that she might look like Joe Perry instead of Katy Perry.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved ''Get Him To The Greek.'' Then Ralph called in and asked what happened with that movie because he didn't dig it. He said he loved ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall'' but not that Greek movie. Russell said he was sorry he didn't like it but he thinks he'll like the Arthur remake.
Howard started to wrap up with Russell and gave him some more plugs. Howard asked if he's going to be invited to his wedding. Russell said that it will be in another country. Howard said that's fine but he wants to know if he'll think about inviting him. Russell said that he thinks that they'll just invite people they know but they are connected by meditation. Howard said if they have it in another country he probably won't be going. Howard asked if he knows what he wants with the wedding. Russell said that he just wants Katy to be happy. He said he just has to pretend that he's happy. Howard asked if that's going to get back to Katy and upset her. He said of course it will get back to her. He said they'll get loads of stuff for her to hear about.
Howard asked if they have a registry for gifts. Russell said they are going to tell people to give to a charity since they have money already. Russell said that they will not have a pre-nup either. Howard asked who has more money. Russell said they're both doing very well. He said he could end up with the cash cow he was waiting for.
Howard told Russell that a pre-nup is good because if things go wrong they have to untangle their assets. He said that they can just walk away from it with everything worked out already if it goes wrong. Russell doesn't want one though. Howard asked where they live now. They live in Los Angeles. They split the house 50/50 when they bought it. Howard asked who pays the bills. He said they pay everything 50/50. Howard asked who pays at dinner. He said they take turns paying. Russell said he can't pretend that she's not a pop star. Russell said he paid a lot more when they were courting.
Howard said he admires Russell because he's got Katy Perry buying him dinner. He said that's unbelievable. Russell said that they split everything 50/50 and that's that. He said that they're splitting the wedding the same way.
Howard gave Russell some more plugs for the book and the book signing. He said he hopes to see Russell working there at SIRIUS sometime too so they can be co-workers. Howard still couldn't believe that Katy buys him dinner. He said that impresses him the most out of anything. Russell said he can rest now knowing that he impressed Howard Stern. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about John Lennon's death. He said people are leaving messages on the web for John. He said Yoko and Ringo got that started. Howard and Fred spent a short time talking about the Beatles.
Howard said he really likes Russell Brand. Benjy saw Russell and another guy go into the bathroom together for a few minutes. Howard said he's not a drug guy but he may have been changing in there. Howard said that happened after the interview. Benjy said he did come out in the same clothes. He was figuring that it was a spiritual advisor or something.
Howard said his dad used to sit in a closet doing his meditation. He didn't have a private office at work so he would go into a closet. Howard figured that Russell was just trying to hide from Lisa G. He said there are a lot of people in the hall when you leave the studio.
Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars and he's a week behind. Robin couldn't believe that he saves them up. Howard said he's going to have to save this discussion up for tomorrow. Howard then said he might have to do that now. Either that or he'd have to talk to Gary about an issue he has with him.
Howard said he had Heidi and her son Derek there. Howard said he asked Gary to make sure their names were on the list there. Gary said that he had Jason put their names on the list and Tracey double checked it. Howard said they got to the door and they were told they weren't on the list. Howard said there's something wrong with their system. Ronnie confirmed that they were on the list. Howard said Beth had to call and ask them to put her on the list.
Howard said he wants them to find out what's going on there. Gary said that Beth didn't talk to him, Jason or Ronnie up there so he's not sure who she talked to. Gary said Jason just told him that they called up there to ask if she was on the list and when he said they were on the list, they said ''Oh, there she is.'' Gary said they do that all the time.
Howard said they have to figure out what the problem is and fix it. Howard said putting the name on the list isn't enough. He said they can just stick their head in the sand and let it go or get it fixed so the system works. Gary said they do complain about it all the time. Howard asked why they're not going to Mel Karmazin and asking him to fix it.
Gary said that this happens all the time but then Ronnie said it's very rare. Howard asked what it is. Gary said it does happen a lot. Howard said he knows they're there for just a couple more months but he wants it to work right in that time.
Howard said he's concerned that they're not going to get up there when he gives them names. Howard said he wants them to fix it. Ronnie said that he has a solution. He said that if he knows someone is coming up he'll go down and meet them. Howard said that's a good idea. He wondered why Gary didn't have that solution. Gary said that he did what he was supposed to do there. He's not sure what else he's supposed to do. Howard said this woman Heidi didn't have a number to call there. She had a text from Beth so she was able to get in touch with her. If she wasn't able to get up there she would have had to leave.
Howard said the system isn't reliable and they need a solution. He told Gary ''No more sleeping... take care of it.'' Ronnie said he was waiting for this woman at the elevator when she came up. He didn't knew she wasn't able to get up there. Howard said they need a reliable system.
Ronnie said he has another idea. He said he could go down at 8 o'clock and make sure that every name is in the system. Gary said the names were in the system. That's what he's trying to say. Ronnie said he can just double check it.
Howard said that someone down there might be incompetent. He said they can't just accept that it's okay. He said they have to make sure that they can get people up there.
Richard called in as Brad Pitt saying that he's been waiting downstairs since yesterday waiting to get up there. Howard thanked ''Brad'' for calling in. Gary said that was just another recycled bit from the guys back there.
Howard said that everyone there says it's not their fault. Howard said Gary knows it's a problem so it is his fault that they weren't able to get up there. Howard said they have to figure out how to fix the issue. He said he never wants to hear again that his guests can't get up there. He thanked Ronnie and Gary for coming in and said they were dismissed.
Gary asked Robin if she's ever had a guest that wasn't able to get up there. Robin said no. She was talking about how Gary wasn't doing his job so he was pointing out that he's never failed to get her guests up there.
Howard said he went nuts last night hearing this. He said he almost called him at home. He said that Gary says it's not his fault but it is. He says their names were on the list but then he says he knows that they ''do this all the time'' down there.
Howard took a call from Kate Beckinsale (Richard again) saying that she was trying to get up there but Gary put her on hold and said he had to get some Black and White cookies. She said those book signings have his head all fucked up. Howard stuck with that bit for a minute and had a nice conversation with ''Kate.''
Howard said he loves how Gary was claiming this wasn't his fault. Robin asked why he was asking her if she had ever had a problem. Gary said he was doing that to find out if she had never reported the problem to him. He said she could have been just as guilty as him if she hadn't reported it.
Howard said he had a lot more to talk about today but he's run out of time. Howard said he has a lot more to talk about but he'll have to get to it tomorrow. Gary said they're booked up with guests all this week. He said they have two guests tomorrow and two on Thursday. They also have a contest going on Thursday so they're very busy all week.
Howard asked Gary how the book thing is going. Gary said he's not sure. He said he's not scheduling anything. He said other people are handling it all for him.
Howard said they're doing the Worst Penis Injury contest and the contest is sponsored by Jackass 3D. Howard went off on Gary again for not being prepared for the guests. Howard told him to learn how to type too. He does the hunt and peck method and it drives Howard nuts.
Howard asked if Gary pecked on the keys one at a time writing his book. Gary said of course he did. Howard said he still hasn't learned. Gary turned off the camera in his office. Howard said he must have started the book in 1988. Howard did his impression of Gary typing out his book and trying to find the letters on the keyboard. Howard and Fred goofed on Gary for a couple of minutes doing their impressions of him. Fred was saying that it's very easy to type out ''qwerty'' so Gary was writing out every other word as ''qwerty.'' The TV guys showed Sal in the Gary mask typing out his book out in the hall. Howard moved on after that.
Steve said they have a story about Robin reading Gary's book (They Call Me Baba Booey) and how he's kept so much under his hat all these years. She thinks that he suffered more than she thought. Howard asked if she's underlining her favorite parts. Robin said she is. Robin said she didn't know that Gary's mom was carted away to an institution so that was surprising. Robin said that Gary may have had it worse than her. Howard said he thinks Robin had it worse than Gary.
Ralph called in and told Howard that he thinks Greg may have gotten ripped off with those comic books. He said that they're not even real comic books. He said they're reproductions. They spent a minute on that but then Howard said that Ralph was very funny in his office yesterday but he promised not to talk about it on the air. Howard said he's going to respect that wish. Ralph said he really would like him to not talk about that. Howard said Ralph is nuts. He came to him about some business stuff and it was so convoluted. He said that Ralph is killing him.
Steve mentioned another story about the NAB that they have and also got in some plugs for the Riley Martin show and Jackie the Joke Man's show that are both on tonight on Howard 101.
Howard went off on Kevin Metheney since Steve had mentioned that in the NAB story teaser. Howard said that guy almost made him crazy like Gary's mother. He said they could have ended up sending him to the same place.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Robin asked Howard if he would use super powers for good if he had them. Howard said he would use them for good. That led to Howard talking about the old Superman TV series and what they did with the mole men in one episode. Howard said they had a lot of dopey story lines in those old shows. Howard said it was such a simple life back then. He said that he never had anything that hard to deal with. Howard said he would actually use his powers for robbing banks once in a while because there's no way he's going to work for some asswipe like Perry White. Robin said they did a sturdy that found that most people would be corrupted and only a select few would be good. Howard said he would fly over to visit Courteney Cox today if he was Superman. Howard said he has powers now and he doesn't take advantage of them. Then he said that his parents weren't exactly Ma and Pa Kent so he's not sure if he'd be corrupt or not. He said he would kill people if he was a super hero. He said he would have to kill Lex Luthor. He said if someone is trying to kill him he's going to squash their head.
Robin read a story about another study that was done that found that 17 percent of people think that sleeping with the boss can get you a promotion. They also found that Oprah Winfrey was the most liked as a possible boss. Robin read that Mark Zuckerberg, the head of Facebook, was found to be the least liked as a possible boss.
Howard wondered if David Spade had called Courteney Cox yet. He said that David loves to talk. He said he could end up talking her into something. Howard said he was texting with David over the weekend. He said he'll have to ask him to leave Courteney alone and give David Arquette a chance to work it out.
Robin read about the stink bug problem in the mid-Atlantic states. She said that they emit a skunk-like smell when they're disturbed. Robin said they found a solution in Japan so they may be able to get rid of them.
Robin read about a book that Keith Richards wrote and had some of the details about that.
Robin read a story about Robert Burke who is also known as the Naked Cowboy. Robin said he got arrested over the weekend when he was in his underwear in Port Washington. Howard said it's like wearing a bathing suit so he's not sure why that's wrong. Robin said that he's running for President too and that's why his hair is so short. Howard said when he was in there he mentioned that he was going to be running for president and asked him not to say anything. He said the guy is delusional. Howard said any guy who is nuts and running for President always mentions Ronald Reagan.
Robin read a story about Carl Paladino and how he's been out talking about Andrew Cuomo being a bad father for taking his daughter to the Gay Pride Parade. Howard said the guy keeps digging himself a bigger hole. Howard wondered if Paladino would bring his illegitimate child to the parade. Robin said he probably wouldn't.
Robin had some audio of a Linda McMahon TV ad that showed how dopey her opponent is. Howard said he's backing Linda because this guy she's running against was against the SIRIUS/XM merger. Howard asked Gary who he's going to vote for. Gary said he's not going to like the answer. He said that no politician is perfect. He said he's not sure what Linda has done or will be doing. Howard said that Blumenthal lied about being in Vietnam and he was against this merger. Gary said he's good as a consumer advocate and he's been in office for 15-20 years. He said he likes the guy. Gary said the guy has another month to fuck it all up for him though.
Robin had some audio of May or Bloomberg speaking out against some attacks at a gay awards event. She had Howard play that and spent a minute on that story.
Robin had some news about a hostage that was killed during a rescue attempt. They thought she was killed by the terrorists but it turns out she was killed by a U.S. grenade.
High Pitch Eric called in and asked if he would like him to get some people together and fuck with Kevin Metheney. Howard said ''No'' to that. Howard said that Eric has gotten into trouble with other things like fucking with Opie and Anthony. He also got into trouble for fucking with that girl Laura. He said that Eric doesn't think clearly. He told him not to do anything to anybody. Eric said he won't. Howard said Eric should be concentrating on bathing or finding a job.
Robin read about Reggie Leon Battise who is a member of Sha Na Na and just died from cancer at the age of 55. Robin said he was also an actor and a choreographer. Howard said he never liked that band. He said that's the kind of stuff Ronnie would like. Howard said you have to be weird to like that. Robin had an example of their music.
Robin said that Johnny Mathis is 75 today. Howard said he's flaming and he can't believe people thought he was straight. Howard said he doesn't understand how people thought he was into girls. Robin had some of his music to play too. Robin said he's going to be on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Howard said he thinks that anyone could get him on their show.
Robin read a story about a 7th grader who is going out and spreading the word about cancer. The kid said that 1,200 people a day are dying from cancer and that got his attention.
Robin read some news about how poverty and hunger are on the rise in this country. Fred threw in her Guatemalan theme song while she read about that. Howard said it did sound like Robin was going to yell at them about this.
Robin said researchers found that sleeping with a night light may cause problems. They found that mice with lights on gained more weight than mice without lights on. Robin said they say that they eat more food during daylight hours than the mice who were in the dark.
Robin read about the Anna Nicole Smith court case that's going on. The defendants in the case could face up to 5 years in prison if they're convicted. Howard K. Stern is one of the defendants. Howard said he hates that the guy has the same name as him. He said that he still gets letters from people who think it's him.
Robin read that Dustin Diamond is facing his third foreclosure on his home. He owes $278,000 on his home. Howard said he never saw that coming when he saw him playing Screech.
Howard said he saw that they're going to put out a Napoleon Dynamite cartoon and the kid who did the character in the movie is going to be doing the voice. He said he'd never play that part again but he must have new management or he came to his senses.
Robin had some audio clips of various actors talking about their movies. Howard went through those and didn't last too long listening. Robin had a clip of Bam Margera talking about doing some stuff for Jackass.
Howard had some notes about how many Howard Stern's there are in the country. He said there are 33. He said that there's only one Robin Quivers. Howard said there are 124 Fred Norris in this country. Howard
Robin had some audio of Megan Fox talking about the move ''Jonah Hex'' which is out on DVD. Robin also had some audio of George Clooney talking about his trip to the Sudan.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon also brought up the discussion Howard had about his days at WNBC and how he didn't like the special last week. Gary said he disagrees with him on that because it's great to hear the progression of the show and how he got to where he is. Jon said that it was interesting to hear Howard talking the way he did back then and how fast he had to speak. He said that Gary's voice has changed a lot too. Gary said he was like a beaten dog back then and he was just starting out.
Jon went over some of the other stuff he wanted to cover and mentioned how Gary got yelled at about not getting Howard's friends up there. Gary said that Howard said he had a bone to pick with him at like 6:55 and then he had to wait until 9:30 to hear what it was. Jon asked if he knew what it was going to be about. Gary said he didn't see it coming. He had no idea Heidi and her son had a hard time getting up there.
Gary said that problem does happen too often. He said Howard is right about that. Gary said all of the guests usually have his number but sometimes it just doesn't work out. He said he knows they have to fix it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary did his job and Howard didn't need to yell at him. He said he sees a point but Gary really takes a lot of crap up there for things that aren't his fault. Gary said part of it may have been his fault. He said that he gets pissed when Robin takes digs at him during the news and things like that. He said he doesn't like to be the benchmark for things getting fucked up. He said he was hoping that she had a problem getting a guest up there so he could point out that she didn't tell anyone about that.
Gary said that he was thinking about doing an appearance on Rosie O'Donnell's show to promote his book but he had to turn that down. He said that Howard thinks that he should be on the show every minute of every day. He said part of Howard realizes that can't be the case but another part of him doesn't.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that anything Gary does he needs a back up plan for. He said Howard wasn't that hard on him today. Gary said that he doesn't like it when they get into the comedy stuff and Fred starts doing his voice.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has to stop blaming people for something that's his fault. Gary tried to relate it to his job of owning a trucking company. The caller said that after one time Gary should be responsible. Gary said that he has no control over this third party so it's not quite the same thing.
The caller also asked about Howard claiming that he's got 2 months left there and he's done. Gary said he didn't think he was saying he was completely done. Gary said he thinks he was just saying he had two months left. He said he's trying not to read too much into that. Jon said they're just waiting to see what Howard is going to do. Gary said he's very nervous now. He said he and his wife were talking last night and she was wondering if he's going to let them know. Gary said he told her that she has to trust him that he trusts Howard. He said he thinks that Howard is thinking about them all there. Gary said Howard knows all of their situations there and he knows who they are so he trusts him not to leave them out to dry. Jon said he thinks that he doesn't have an answer at this time. Gary said he thinks he's negotiating at this time and he doesn't have an answer yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that no one cares about Howard's 5 year old chess buddy. Gary said that was for Howard and maybe not for all of the fans. The caller told him to do a poll and he'd find that no one cared.
Jon said David told a story about Courteney giving him the motorcycle and not wanting to mother him anymore. He said that a lot of the story reminded him of the Sal story and his wife with the emotional friend. Gary said a lot of relationships go through that kind of thing. He said that you sometimes think that you're acting like someone you're not and then you realize it. He said having kids can make things tough. He said that it can really change your whole life. Jon said that it can be really tough.
Gary said that Howard has talked about how people get swept up in these whirlwind relationships and then the exciting stuff is over after the marriage. Gary said that Howard was talking about that today with Russell.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard had any suspicion about what was going on with David and Courteney. Gary said he asked Howard this morning and Howard said he had no idea. He said he would tell him if he had a clue about it.
The caller also asked about the break up of Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel and if this one would affect him like theirs did. Gary said he doesn't think it would because he's not as close with David and Courteney. He doesn't know Courteney that well.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think Howard is relieved that David and Courteney are broken up. He said he seems to put Courteney on a different level than David and he might be happy about it. Gary said he might have had that thought a long time ago but not now.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that TMZ posted the interview on their web site within minutes of it being over. Gary said that makes sense to him. He said they never ask for permission before they do that stuff. The caller said it's great how they get the facts out of people on the show.
Jon asked if Gary thinks that Robin and David would really ever hook up. Gary said that Robin has opportunities to date celebrities and she rarely does it. He said if she wanted to date famous people she would. He said she just likes people who she likes. Gary said he doesn't think anything is going to happen. He said he might be reading his sister wrong. They had to go to break after that.
Jon and JD were talking relationships and Jon asked JD if he pictures himself getting married down the road. JD said he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to get caught up in legalities and stuff. He said if you break up and divorce then you have to get lawyers. JD said he doesn't want that kind of thing. He said you see people divorcing all the time and if you want to be together then just be together. He said you don't need a document saying that you're together. Jon said he thinks that JD will walk down the aisle one day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loved how Howard busted Russell's balls about Katy today. He thought it was too cool. Jon said that Russell wasn't saying much about her but JD respects that.
Another caller said that Russell's voice gets really annoying after a few minutes. The guy said he also didn't care about the 5 year old chess buddy. He said that he should talk to the kid off the air if he wants to talk to him. Jon said that you don't hear Howard talking to a 5 year old every day but that's cool.
The caller was also complaining about the clapping on the WNBC tapes last week. He said it was endless and class less clapping. Jon said Howard spent some time talking about that this morning.
Another caller said that JD will never get married. He said he has to take care of the abandonment issues first. JD said there are no issues like that. He said he was 20 when his parents split. JD said he has no desire to see a shrink. He said he has very little desire to talk to anyone, especially someone he has to pay.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hated Howard talking about chess with the 5 year old yesterday. He said it wasn't even about the kid, it was more about the chess. He said chess is not a manly thing to talk about. The guy also told Jon that he likes him but he doesn't like JD. JD said he sounds like he's a dick anyway. The guy said he'd slap him with his dick if he was there. The guy said that he'd knock his teeth out with his cock. He was calling JD a fag but he was the one saying he wanted JD to suck his cock.
The caller said that Jon didn't grasp the concept of JD not wanting to get married either. Jon said he wasn't judging him on that. The caller said that JD will never fit in anywhere and that's why he'll never get married. The guy said that he should see JD for what he is. He's a social misfit and it would be a surprise if he ever got married. He said he can't even make a lunch order. He said he's the most annoying mother fucker on the radio but he's agreeing with him about the marriage thing. The caller said JD can't even place a lunch order.
Jon said that the guy might be right about JD not being able to place a lunch order but he thinks that he'll find someone to marry some day.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why he has to have JD in there instead of Jason or someone who can talk. The guy said that JD is mumbling and has nothing to add to the show. JD said he had said a few sentences and he was fine. Jon said that he likes JD and he can form sentences most of the time.
Another caller said that she feels bad for JD right now. She also wanted to say who she found the most attractive on the show but not based on looks alone. She said that she thinks number 1 is Gary. She said that he's the best package overall. She said that he's very easy to talk to and women love that. She said he's very likable too. She also said that Richard is number 2. She said that he's very sweet. Sal is number 3. The guys found that to be kind of odd. The caller said that Sal is kind of funny so that's why she put him there. Jon asked who the bottom 3 are. She said it was Benjy, Ronnie and JD. She said that JD is last because she forgot about him when she was putting the list together. JD said she should talk to him off the air and maybe she'd change her mind. The caller said that Benjy has weird earlobes and she thinks his eyes are creepy. Teddy had noticed the ear lobe thing too and he said you could fry them up and eat them they're so big. The caller said that Jon is at number 5 and Fred is after him. She said that she didn't rank Howard but she'd probably put him second to Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy who was wondering how these people find the time to worry about people's voices on the show. Jon said he's not sure about that. The caller said he wished that was his own worry in life.
Another caller said he wanted to defend JD. He said that the last thing that earlier caller should be doing is threatening JD. He said that guy was probably a pussy. The guy also said he went to see that Facebook movie that Robin loved. He said the movie was very dry and it was the ''boringest'' movie. He said he's never seen a movie that was so dull. He wondered if Robin was trying to get a rise out of Howard. Jon said he thinks Robin genuinely liked the movie.
Jon asked JD what he thought of Robin's review. JD said he hasn't seen it yet but he wants to see it. He's going to assume it was good based on her review.
Jon talked about Howard's complaints about the movie he got through Vinnie Favale. Jon didn't get to that though because he had a caller on the line. The caller said that it is Gary's responsibility to get guests in there but maybe he should have a personal assistant making sure that the guests get up there. Jon said he thinks Howard was frustrated because everyone has had issues with getting people up there. That was Howard's personal guest and maybe Gary should have gone out of his way to make sure it was right. Jon and the caller spent a minute talking about that. The caller said he thinks that Gary wasn't really at fault yesterday.
Another caller said that he wanted to defend JD. He said he can form a sentence but if it's over 5 words he struggles. The guy said he has a friend who is friends with him on Facebook and he's extremely sexual on there. JD said he doesn't know if that's true. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about their interview with David Arquette. He said David called into the show because he's a friend of the show. Howard said He thought He did a smart thing by trying to make them understand He wasn't cheating on his wife. They were separated and He was making that clear to people so they don't think he's out cheating. Howard said David was being very honest and straightening out the whole thing.
Howard said He was reading the NY Post today and they took that interview and twisted it. Howard said they did that in some news reports too. Howard read the NY Post article and they were saying that He was boasting about his fling with the one girl He had sex with. Howard said they took the whole thing and twisted it around. Howard said anyone who heard the interview knew that He was being honest and He wasn't bragging at all. Howard said David was saying that he's still in love with his wife and He just had a fling with that girl. He didn't sound proud of it at all. He wasn't being disrespectful to that girl.
Howard read more of the article and they had some of the story right but David wasn't being a jerk off. He was confronting the situation and telling the story about how He wasn't a cheating husband. He wasn't throwing anyone under the bus and He handled himself very well.
Howard said these other journalists are jerk offs. He said they don't understand why people come and talk to him in an honest way. He said David didn't hide away in his house. He went on a legitimate show and spoke his mind and it was refreshingly honest to him. Howard said that He wasn't hiding behind a publicist statement or anything like that. He came out and explained how he's not cheating and He and his wife are separated right now.
Howard said he's not sure who Billy Bush is but this guy is moralizing about the whole thing. Howard asked who the fuck this guy Billy Bush thinks He is. He said there were a bunch of people moralizing about how these people call into his show. Howard said you never hear about this kind of thing when people go on other shows. It's just because He spoke to him. Howard said David was on his show and He was able to say to the audience that He wanted an hour to explain it and not just 3 seconds in a sound byte on Access Hollywood.
Howard played the audio of Billy Bush saying ''for some reason'' David had gone on the Howard Stern Show to talk about his separation. Bush and the female anchor were saying it was too much information. Howard said they were talking like adults on his show. He said they weren't hiding the details. Howard said none of these reporters are real. They talk in sound bytes and they don't understand how to have real conversations in an interview.
Howard played more of the audio and the reporters were going over what David said and they didn't understand why He was talking about the girl He had sex with. Howard had to explain to the dopey reporters that David was talking about her because it was all over the news that He was out with that girl and He had to explain that He wasn't cheating.
Howard played more of the Billy Bush clip and He was talking about the pedigree of this woman that David had been with. Howard said they should get a list of the women that Billy has been with so they can get their pedigrees too. Howard said he's not sure what Billy Bush is and why he's moralizing about this situation. Bush was talking about the other guys that the girl had been with and how she had allegedly punched Lindsay Lohan. Bush called her a ''star gazer.'' The other anchor said that she was married for 11 years and it's a case of the grass is always greener. Howard said this woman has balls to lecture America about this. He wondered what this has to do with anything. He said she's a naive bitch and an idiot.
Howard played more of the Billy Bush clip and he's saying that it's a typical Hollywood thing. Howard said it's like no one else ever gets divorced. Howard said it's an epidemic and everyone is getting divorced. Bush goes on to say that maybe they're not getting enough attention. He said maybe it was a pause to get some side action. Bush said that David had taken his daughter out on a picnic to tell her about the separation. Howard said that they're not above this stuff. Howard played more of Bush's rant and goofed on him about thinking that he's so moral. Robin said that he's part of the Bush family and they've had some messy divorces too.
Howard said he's not sure how this next reporter has a career. He played the clip of a chick who used to be on MTV's Road Rules. Gary said she's Elisabeth Hasselbeck Light. In that clip they played a clip from Howard's interview and then the reporter says that if you want to get back with your spouse you don't go on Howard Stern and tell the story. She said you go to a therapist or something. Howard said that David was on to explain why He was in pictures with another woman. He was already in the news.
Howard said this stuff was endless and they were spinning this story. He played another one from an entertainment report where the reporter said He thinks David was trying to straighten out the rumors but He didn't stop there. A guest on that show said He thinks that it could burn the bridge between David and Courteney. He said He thinks David was trying to blow the whole thing up. Howard had to explain again why David was actually on.
Howard said Oprah and Larry King have guests on all the time talking about their divorces and they're not conversational or open about it. Howard said David was open about it. Howard said David knew that this was going to happen and He predicted it yesterday.
Howard said He thinks that what David said was very adult. Howard said there's a movie coming out called ''Blue Valentine'' and this sounds very much like David and Courteney's relationship. Howard said it's about a guy whose wife thinks he's too childish and she breaks it off with him. Robin said this could be like Sal's relationship too.
Howard said He likes David a lot and he's glad that He was so honest. Howard said 90 percent of these reporters sound like they didn't even hear the interview.
Howard played another report where the reporter took a dig at him. He was saying you don't take advice from Howard Stern. Howard said He never gave any advice. He said David wasn't asking for advice. One of the reporters said that Howard has a good relationship with his wife now.
Howard said he'd like to know who you get marriage advice from. He said He wasn't asking for it from him but David isn't going to go to someone like Carl Paladino for it.
Howard said he's not an idiot or a moron but it's true that you don't ask for marriage advice from him. Howard said he'd like to know who you do ask. Robin said ''Larry King.'' Howard said that He and David were both taking some slams from that interview. Howard said David didn't hide behind a publicist like He could have. Howard said it would have been a dumb statement if He had. Howard said David came on and He was open and honest about the whole thing.
Howard goofed on the reporters that were saying there was too much information and things like that. Howard said there are so many dopes out there.
Howard said he'd like to know where his money goes but it just disappears. Howard said you read about the money that's given to groups to study and the money just disappears. Howard said the Tea Party is full of nuts but if they had some kind of agenda that He could get behind, he'd do it. Howard said no one is scared enough in government. He said they have to address this wasteful spending. Howard said it's too much work for them though so it doesn't happen.
Howard read that President Obama is up to like 52 golf games already. Howard said he's getting right up there with President Bush. Howard read the article about the golf day and said he's okay with him playing golf once in a while. He said at least this game was on a Saturday. Howard said being the President is a 6 day a week job. He said that Bush was never around and Eisenhower was the same way. Howard said that He was the one who created Camp David. Howard said if you saw it you'd shoot yourself. Howard said you'd throw up if you saw the kind of money they spent on that. Howard said they really have to cut back on this wasteful spending.
Robin said that back when President Carter was in office they were wasting money doing studies about Cuban immigrants coming in and if they had just given each one of them a million dollars it would have been cheaper. Howard said that Jesse Ventura is coming in soon and they'll be talking more about this.
Howard said he's been watching Dancing with the Stars and these dance instructors get put on TV and they all develop personalities that are like vomit. Howard said this one guy, Max, is very taken with himself. Howard said the guy doesn't like to be criticized and he's dancing with this Brandy. He said that Brandy must not be doing very well if she's on that show. He said that she's on there with Max and they show a clip of them rehearsing and Max is yelling at her to get her to work harder. Then He starts smacking her on the ass during the training. Howard said He told Beth about this. He said this guy is training a woman, a black woman, and it was like these guys who make sounds to women as they're walking by.
Howard said this judge on the show, Len Goodman, has to be applauded. He went on and said that smacking the woman on the ass is not right. Howard said Len wondered what was up with that and Brandy started to tear up. Howard said she was probably embarrassed.
Gary came in and told Howard about another dancer who was trying to put her foot on one of the guy's dicks. His wife saw that and pointed it out. Howard said these people are like Ronnie when their personalities come out.
Howard said He doesn't like a lot of the people on the show. He said the one who is incredibly sexy is Jennifer Grey. Howard said she's close to 50 but she has some body. Howard said she's affected as hell but she's really sexy. Howard said she doesn't look like Jennifer Grey anymore. He said she got that nose job and she doesn't look like she used to. Gary said He read that Patrick Swayze's wife is cheering her on. Howard said Jamie Lee Curtis is doing that too and he's not sure why.
Howard said Jamie Lee Curtis looks very angry. He said she cut her hair short and she doesn't look very good. He said you forget about how hot she really was. Howard said she was in a movie with John Travolta many years ago and she was so sexy. Howard said you've never seen a more magnificent woman. Howard said that Jennifer Grey has held up very well and you want to have sex with this broad. Howard said you can't even believe you want to. He said you see Jamie Lee Curtis and wonder if she wants to look good at all for her husband. Howard said no one wants to look at grey hair.
Gary said another Jamie Lee Curtis movie was Trading Places. She took her top off in that movie and you had no idea that little frame of a body had those huge tits. Gary told Howard that Governor Jesse Ventura was there so they had to go to break.
Howard came back and said He bets that Governor Ventura likes Crosby Stills and Nash. Howard said He was going to have Jesse out to his house on Long Island but He wasn't home that weekend. Jesse came in and said that he's a big fan of CSN. Howard got a hold of a guitar and tried doing the song that Fred had just played. Jesse was laughing at him. Jesse said that Howard is on the right side of the mic.
Howard asked Jesse about how Connie Mack refused to call him ''Governor'' when He was on a show with him. Howard said that you always call a former governor ''governor.'' Jesse said that it bothered him because it was another elected official who refused to call him governor. Jesse said that's why He threw it back on him. He said He told the guy to call him governor. Robin said that's the problem He had when He was governor. Jesse said they put his public sector title in front of his name even though He had been a mayor 4 years earlier. He said He was a former mayor and a former pro-wrestler.
Howard said He thinks that if David Arquette had been on Oprah everyone would have been on his side in the whole thing. Howard said because He was on his show they were making fun of the whole interview. Howard played another clip of a news report where the reporter even said that Arquette should have gone on Oprah to talk about this. Howard said it's the same thing with Jesse and the lack of respect.
Howard said that Linda McMahon is running for office and he's endorsed her. Howard said He doesn't know a thing about her but He knows the guy who she's running against lied about being in Vietnam and He was against the SIRIUS XM merger. Howard asked Jesse where He stands on Linda McMahon. Jesse said He warned her about that. He said He told her that any skeletons she had in her closet would be exposed. He said the WWE has been getting away with murder with taxes. He said that all of the wrestlers are ''independent contractors'' even though they've signed contracts to only work in the WWE. He said he's not sure how they've gotten away with that for 30 years. Jesse said He asked Linda if she was sure she wanted to do this because she doesn't think that anything will come out.
Jesse said He came out and admitted He did everything He did when He ran. He said that they had nothing on him. He said the one thing that He had in his background that no one dug up was that He used to be the head of the Mongols motorcycle club. He was an outlaw biker at one point and no one ever picked up on that. He said He got out of the service and went into the gang. He said He never did anything wrong though. Jesse said they shielded him and they would send him out to watch the bikes and He had no knowledge of what they were doing in their meetings. He said most of them were former vets so that's why they did that.
Howard asked Jesse if he's endorsing Linda McMahon. Jesse said that he's not endorsing her but because she's a republican. He said he's not endorsing any republicans or democrats. He said He won't endorse any Tea Party members either. He said they're supposed to be patriotic but they came around after Obama got into office and it's just another republican party thing trying to get them to go even farther right.
Howard said He thinks that people are fed up with taxes and government spending. He said you get angry with the waste. Howard said that it really is wasteful and every other week you see something else they're putting money into.
Jesse said that He deals with the government and the things He deals with you can't get an answer on. He said that's what his new TV show is about. He said He has a right to know what they spend the money on but they won't talk.
Jesse said He no longer likes the idea of a third party. He said He thinks that they should abolish all political parties. He said there should just be a name when you go in to vote. He said that when you vote now people just vote for the party and not the person. He said if you eliminate the party then you have to look into what these people really stand for.
Howard asked if there are some people who want to cut back on spending. Jesse said that everyone is run by their party and the system is so corrupt that you will become corrupted if you stay in the party long enough. Jesse said that he's the most powerful man in America. He said that He got the Democrats to jump in with the Republicans to unite to get rid of him. He said that they have the game and they have control of it and they're not going to give up control.
Howard asked if Jesse has been asked to run for Vice President. Jesse said He hasn't been asked yet but He would consider it. Howard asked if He would walk away from his TV show if He was asked. Jesse said He would. His show's second season premiere is this Friday on Tru TV.
Jesse told Howard that there's an island called Plum Island and they did a lot of government testing out there. He said they got a bunch of Nazi scientists and had them doing testing out there. Jesse said they had one guy who was an expert on biological agents and they brought this guy there to create this stuff. He said that He thinks that's how Lyme disease got started. He said the first reported case was in Lyme, Connecticut which was right across the water from Plum Island. He said that West Nile is another one. Jesse said that this area is the most populated area and they were fucking around with that stuff. He said that was being supported by tax payer money as well and they don't let you know what they're doing with it even though we have the right to know.
Jesse told Howard they're doing JFK this year on his show. Howard asked if He got arrested at the eternal flame. Jesse said it was even worse. He said they wanted to go in front of the eternal flame to shoot the end of the show. He was going to bow his head in front of the flame but they were denied in a written letter that they didn't appreciate the content of his show. He said that He was in the service and He was a mayor and a governor and they still denied him. He said they don't like the content of his show but that has nothing to do with his right to go there. Jesse said the Kennedy Family had no idea what that was about. They didn't know anything about it. Jesse said He went there and just shot the scene anyway. He said He wasn't nervous about it at all. He said if He was arrested, it would have been great for the show.
Howard said He sees that Jesse is wearing his Navy Seals t-shirt. He said He bets that his penis is 3 times the size of his. He guessed it's like 9 inches. Jesse just laughed. Howard said that Jesse is a real man. He said He has killed men. Jesse said Howard could do that too. He said He thinks that Howard is a tough guy in disguise.
Jesse said He wants to be like David Arquette today. He said He wanted to say that He celebrated his 35th wedding anniversary this year. He said that his wife is listening today and she's going to kill him today. He said that He has no reason to leave the best sex he's ever had so He never cheated. Howard asked what He means by the ''best sex.'' Jesse said that she gives him everything He wants. He said that she gives him everything He needs. Howard asked if it's very physical. Jesse said that it's not necessarily that. He said that there can be some dirty talk. Howard asked what kind of dirty things He says.
Howard asked what it is that makes for great sex. Jesse said that it's compatibility. Jesse said that sex is a huge part of marriage and if you're not compatible then the marriage isn't going to survive. Howard said He loves Jesse and He wishes he'd have sex with him. He said sex is a huge part of marriage. He said that's what separates a friendship from a marriage. Howard asked Jesse if He thinks that He should back off if He likes going down on his wife but the wife doesn't like it. Jesse said you should back off. He said you have to figure out how to pleasure your partner first. He said He knows he'll get his so he'll be the type who worries about her first. Howard said he's very evolved. Howard said he's very impressed with Jesse.
Jesse told Howard He wants to come out to his house in the Hampton's. He said he's just going to show up and Howard won't know he's coming. Howard said He was going to hang but He had something going on out there. Jesse said He has made it a life mission to surprise him in his home. Howard said that's good. He said they're going to eat, drink and play guitar together. Jesse said He can't drink because he's on blood thinners for life. Howard said He has to be able to drink. Howard said they're going to get a boat and go over to Plum Island.
Jesse said that he's on Homeland Security Watch and He was tailed by the Coast Guard now because of his TV show doing the story about Plum Island.
Howard asked Jesse if He has ever killed someone in a hand to hand thing. Jesse said He doesn't need to. He said they carried so many weapons that they didn't need to. Howard said they could have had some fun together over there fighting together. Howard said he'd have ear necklaces on now if He had gone over there.
Jesse told Howard He went to a whore house before He went into the service. He said they had a bunch of women line up to pick from and she ended up doing the trick and charged him just 10 bucks. Jesse said that He was wearing some bullet casings as a belt and the woman wanted it so He traded her that for the trick plus 10 bucks. He was only 19 at the time. Jesse said that people thought He should have gone to church before He was deployed but He did this instead.
Howard said he's excited for Jesse. He said that He has this Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura show. He said he's doing very well. Howard asked what's going on in Afghanistan. Jesse said they showed what they're really over there for. They're there for Lithium. He said they claim it's a trillion dollar's worth of that stuff and that's why we're over there. He said it has nothing to do with Osama bin Laden or the Taliban. He said the key to U.S. Policy is corporate. He said anyone who doesn't accept that is our enemy. He said that we love China even though they're communist. He said they welcome our corporations in China so we love them. He said that we're enemies with Cuba because they kicked us out. He said we're not friendly with Hugo Chavez because He kicked out Exxon. He said that anyone who bucks our policy is our enemy.
Jesse said He always wondered why the Russians went into Afghanistan in the 80s. He said now He knows that they were going in there to get Lithium.
Howard and Jesse talked about some other conspiracy theories. Jesse was talking about 9/11 and saying that He has people who say that no plane crashed into the Pentagon. He said that if you look at the information then you see that it wasn't possible. He doesn't know what happened to that plane or what happened to the people on it.
Howard asked Jesse about Obama's birth certificate. Jesse said He has no interest in that at all. He said He was born in Hawaii so that makes him a citizen. He said that if you're born in the country then you're a citizen. It's as simple as that to Jesse.
Howard gave Jesse some plugs for his TV show and Jesse told him that he's going to come visit him next summer. Jesse said that He told Hannity that He has to sleep sometime and that's what he's telling Howard.
Howard took a call from his mom who was looking for sex. It was actually the guys in the back playing clips of Howard doing his impression of his mom having sex.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked why He doesn't challenge Jesse on anything. He also said that if Jesse doesn't like the country He should get the fuck out. Jesse said He served his country. The caller thought Howard wasn't going to try and make him look bad because he's plugging something. The guy said that Jesse said there were no planes that went into the Twin Towers. Jesse said that's not what He said. He said He was talking about the Pentagon. The caller said that it's unreal what this guy is saying. Jesse said He blew things up for the government so He knows what explosives do. He said they blew a lot of stuff up. Jesse said he'd like to know what knowledge He has about 9/11 other than what the government has said. Robin wondered why it's unpatriotic to question things like this. Howard said Jesse is an interesting guy so He wants to hear this kind of stuff.
Jesse said if you don't question the government then you're never going to have a trustworthy government. Jesse also told the caller that He lives in Mexico half the year so He has moved out of the country. Jesse said his father had 6 bronze battle stars from World War II and He and his brother are vets so they all served at a time of war. He said you don't question patriotism of someone like that.
Howard had the Iron Sheik on the phone. It was the guys in the back playing clips again. They had Sheik yelling at Jesse about him being a Jew. Jesse said He can't be a Jew if he's an Atheist. Jesse said there was a time when He believed in God but then He got intelligent. Jesse said He saw that writer from England talking about it and He thought He sounded very intelligent. Howard asked if He thinks there's an entity in the sky. Jesse said it's a guy in the sky who wants your money. Jesse said he's not sure why He needs money if he's in the sky. Robin asked how we got here then. Jesse said that it was through evolution. Jesse said He knows he'll never hold another office because of this view.
Howard said they're doing stem cell research and they think that they've found that they can help people walk again if they're paralyzed. Howard said there are people who say that God spoke to them and they try to stop this stuff. President Bush once said that He spoke to God and He was the one who told him that it was wrong. God was also the one who told him to invade Iraq. Jesse said that these people who thank God when they win a football game are nuts. He said that god doesn't give a crap about a football game. He said that's some ego they have to think that God is going to help them score a touchdown. Howard said he's right. He gave him some more plugs and started to wrap up with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what we're supposed to do with the information He gave them. He said that it's pretty scary when you think about it. Howard asked if Jesse is afraid to live in Mexico. Jesse said the problems are at the border. He said they have to legalize the drugs and it'll stop the problems. He said if they legalize they take away the commodity they have to sell and they have to go off and sell something else. He said someone here is making big money off of the illegal drugs in this country. He said they have to make it all legal. Howard wrapped up with Jesse and Jesse thanked him for not wailing on him like the callers do. They went to break as short time later.
Howard came back and said they were going to be saying hi to Mr. T in a few minutes. Robin said she was wondering what He was up to lately. She said she's seen him in some infomercials lately.
Howard said Sal and Richard took some Little Lupe audio clips and had her calling a Swap Shop show. Howard played that new call. In the call they had Lupe asking the host of Swap Shop saying she was selling some of her pubic hair. The host hung up on her and then Richard called in asking for the number for the pubic hair. They had Lupe call back in with tampons for sale. Then Sal called in and asked how much she wanted for the used tampons. The host told them to see a shrink about that. Lupe had also asked him if He had saggy balls. Howard said it was pretty obvious what she was saying in the clip but the guy didn't understand her.
Howard had a clip of a weather reporter getting ''Baba Booey'd'' out on the street. Howard played that clip and a fan just yelled ''Baba Booey'' a couple of times at the top of his lungs. Howard said that was a good one.
Howard said there's a woman on Saturday Night Live doing an impression of Miley Cyrus and she's really good. He didn't know what her name was though. Howard said the sketches on SNL can go on too long but sometimes they have some good stuff on there. Robin said that it tends to fizzle out as the show goes on.
Howard said He saw Elliot Spitzer on CNN and he's not that bad. He said He needs time to develop. He said the guy has opinions and He needs some time to build it up. Howard said he's not a big Elliot Spitzer guy but He did vote for him. He ran into him once while He was out running too. He said Spitzer said hi to him and Beth and then took off running faster. Howard said He thinks He has potential with that show. He said they need to get rid of the girl on the show. They don't need that format where they have a guy and a girl arguing.
Howard said they also had an article about athletes that shit their pants during competition. Howard said Robin is running in the marathon and one of her concerns is what to do when you have to go to the bathroom. Robin said that she had that problem yesterday. She said you think long and hard before going out for a run. Howard said no one ever writes about this but this ESPN magazine did. He said that they say that Tony Stewart did it but He won't talk about it. Gary said He tells his friends about it but He won't talk about it publicly.
Howard said that there was another story about a woman who ran a marathon and had to crawl to the line after shitting herself. Gary said there was another woman who stopped on the side of the road and shit and then kept running. There were a bunch of stories like that in the article.
Howard said Beth ran the marathon and had to stop 3 times to pee. Gary told Howard some of the other stories about guys who shit in various events. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard played a clip of Mr. T and Jesse talking out in the hall. Mr. T was very wound up and talking to him about the old days wrestling and stuff. Howard said Mr. T is a character. He said he's something else. He said He can't keep up that energy. He had the guys bring him in.
Howard said it's been a while since Mr. T was on the show. Mr. T came in very wound up and saying that He liked the new set up of the studio. He gave Howard a bunch of Mr. T products and they all had Mr. T on them. Mr. T asked why Robin was in the glass. Robin told him that she's always been in there.
Howard told Mr. T to sit down but He was yelling and handing out gifts. Howard asked how old He is. Mr. T said he's 58 now. He asked if He could stand up today instead of sitting down. Howard let him stand.
Howard asked Mr. T if He ever goes to visit the veterans because He was talking about how He supports the troops. Mr. T said that He goes and visits and lets them know how much He appreciates what they do.
Howard asked Mr. T about this letter He got from a guy who was in a coma for very many years. His family said that his voice made the guy respond so Mr. T went to visit the guy and the guy came out of the coma. Mr. T said the kid was hit by a car and He was in a coma and they found out that He loved him so He recorded some stuff for him. He said the reporter played the clip for the kid and He responded.
Mr. T said He wanted to say a prayer for the people. Howard said that Jesse Ventura was saying that He didn't believe in God anymore. Mr. T said He believes and He enjoyed going to church as a child. He said his parents didn't force it on him. He said that sometimes kids are forced into it and they get out of it. Howard asked how poor He was growing up. Mr. T said that they were so poor they couldn't pay attention. He said they were pretty poor and they got $87 a week in welfare. He said He stole some food as a kid and He went back and paid for it years later.
Howard asked Mr. T if He was ever in a gang or anything. Mr. T said He never was. He said He had 7 brothers and that's where his toughness came from. He said his father was away a lot but that's because He was a preacher trying to find work. He said He had to travel a lot because of that. He said they were poor but they had a lot of fun.
Howard asked Mr. T about his family and if they're religious too. Mr. T said they sure are. Mr. T then asked if He could pray. Howard told him to go ahead and do that. Mr. T did his prayer and asked for help while doing the Howard Stern Show. He said He needs his strength.
Howard said that Mr. T's mother died a few years ago and he'd like to know how he's doing. Mr. T said he's doing good. He said that his mother is in heaven and that's good. Mr. T said that his mother was a good lady and she's got to be in heaven. He said He did cry at the funeral and when He found out she died. He said his sister was with her when she died. Howard asked if He has any regrets not being there for her when she died. Mr. T said He doesn't have regrets. He said that He never forgot her teachings. He said she was very happy about that.
Howard asked Mr. T about his cancer and how that went. Mr. T said he's feeling good now. Howard said that the cancer was like 15 years ago and it's weird because He takes care of himself. Mr. T said that cancer is a mysterious thing. He said you never know who is going to get it and for what reason. He said that Christopher Reeve's wife had it and that was unexpected.
Howard said they never see Mr. T in the paper with women or anything. He keeps that stuff quiet somehow. Mr. T said that the Paparazzi don't bother him. He said they're looking for a money shot and that doesn't happen with him. Mr. T said he's a big target and they look for the dirt and there is no dirt on him.
Howard asked Mr. T what He does when He feels the need to be with a woman. Mr. T said He turns to Jesus. He said He has the ability to stay away from women when He wants. He's very disciplined. Howard asked when He last had a woman. He wanted to know when He had intercourse but Mr. T wasn't saying. He said He really didn't know. He said he's not a pervert or anything. Howard said that's not perverted. Mr. T said the bible says that there's a time and a place for everything. Robin asked if He had a time in his career when He had a lot of women. Mr. T said He kept in his mind what his mother told him.
Howard asked Mr. T if he's happy without a woman in his life. Mr. T said he's content and the bible helps him with all of that. Howard said that Mr. T needs to get the poison out.
Howard asked Mr. T why He didn't do a cameo in the new A-Team movie. Mr. T said that He has been saving up all of this stuff for Howard. He said that Howard really is the king of media. He said He wanted to do Howard's show first. Mr. T said He wanted to do Howard's show and then do Conan O'Brien's show in New York and then go get some soul food up in Harlem.
Howard asked Mr. T if He hangs out in Harlem a lot. Mr. T said He goes up there to inspire people. He said that's what his mother taught him to do.
Howard asked Mr. T about being a bouncer and if He has martial arts background. Mr. T said He doesn't like to talk about that stuff but He can handle himself. He said He does have a lot of discipline. He said He liked working for the WWE when He was in it. Howard asked if He knew Linda McMahon back then. Mr. T said He did.
Mr. T got back to the A-Team discussion and said He had to give props to Steven J. Cannell who died a few weeks ago. Howard said he's glad He brought him up. Howard said that guy had ideas in his head. He said the guy had some career. Howard said He must have been blown out by that guy. Mr. T said that they shot the Rocky movie and Steven Cannell wanted to meet him. Mr. T said He met with him and He told him that he's glad He didn't change. Cannell wrote the A-Team with him in mind. Mr. T said that He had seen Rocky and Brandon Tartikof wanted Mr. T in the show. Howard said that Cannell had dyslexia. Mr. T said He knew that. He said a few words to his family. Mr. T said He saw them at the funeral a couple of weeks ago.
Howard asked Mr. T about his neighbors getting upset with him about cutting down trees. Mr. T said that they're his trees so they shouldn't have a problem. Mr. T said that He cut down his trees that were infested with beetles. He said that they had to cut down others in the neighborhood years later because of that. He said a lot of people in the neighborhood are hypocrites.
Howard asked Mr. T if He knew President Obama when He was in Chicago. Mr. T said He never met him. Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be Mr. T and said that this was a fake Mr. T. It was the guys in the back playing clips of Mr. T from his last interview. Howard said it sounded like the real Mr. T on the phone.
Howard asked Mr. T why He didn't appear in the A-Team movie. Mr. T didn't say anything for a few seconds. Howard figured He wore himself out. Mr. T said He had to contemplate his answer. Mr. T said He thought about his mother and she told him to take the high road. Howard said it's not being negative when you just give the reason why. Mr. T said he's an old school guy and a team player. He said He liked the A-Team because they paid him a lot of money and they always had a plan. They did that show for almost 5 years and it was the greatest time of his life. He said He had a platform to do things when He was on that show. He said He was very close to everyone on that show when He was on it. They had a great team there. Howard said that George Peppard said that Mr. T was an unprofessional loud mouth that brought down the show. Mr. T didn't believe He said that.
Howard said he's getting the feeling that the movie would have been beneath Mr. T. Mr. T said he's a pretty smart guy and He knows that it takes a smart man to play dumb.
Howard didn't let Mr. T give his complete answer. They were all over the place with questions and answers. Mr. T said He makes his money quietly and stealthily. He said He might be worth about $53,000. Howard said He must have it all on him right now. He was wearing a lot of gold today.
Mr. T said that He didn't want to be insulted when they did this A-Team movie. He said they helped NBC make a comeback with that TV show. He said that they had already picked somebody else to play his character in the movie but then they asked him to be in it. He said that was an insult to him. Mr. T said that his mother gave him principle and He loved his mother. He said he's willing to bet that 50 percent of the guys on Rikers Island have mothers who love them but they didn't love their mothers in return. He didn't do bad things because He loved his mother. He said He showed her respect by not doing bad things.
Howard asked if Mr. T's mother had any faults. Mr. T said that everyone has their faults. He said his mother had to go scrub white people's floors and not look into the eyes of the white people she was working for. He said that He promised her that he'd buy her a house some day and she'd hug him and start crying. Mr. T said that he's a hard worker and He had to do that for his mama. He said He didn't rape or rob anyone to do it either. He said He got suspended from grammar school 17 times though. Howard asked what that was about. Mr. T said that if someone talked about his mama then he'd have to fight. He said that He would knock people down if they made mama references. He said He would give them a chance to apologize but then he'd knock them out if they didn't.
Mr. T told Howard that He got to go to the White House and meet President Reagan. He said Nancy Reagan sat on his lap. Howard asked Mr. T if President Reagan got a word in when He met them. Mr. T just kept going and told Howard story after story.
Howard asked Mr. T how He beat Dracula in his comic book series. Mr. T said that all of his powers come from God and you can't beat God. He said that's how He beat Dracula. Howard said He beat up a dinosaur too. Howard said the dinosaur must have talked about his mother.
Howard said He read that Mr. T wanted to be a dancer when He was growing up. He asked if He would appear on Dancing with the Stars. Mr. T said they asked him but He told them that a brother doesn't dance.
Howard asked Mr. T if he's ever fucked a white woman. Mr. T said that came at him like spears in Africa. Robin even thought that was a little rough. Howard asked if He fucked Nancy Reagan when she sat on his lap. Mr. T said that when he's off He is at home relaxing. He said He thinks about what his mother taught him and his responsibilities. He said if He did something wrong he'd be hurting himself and the millions of kids that look up to him.
Howard said that Mr. T has needs. Mr. T said He has discipline too. He said He has the ability to say no. Howard asked if He tells his son to do the same. Mr. T said that there is a lot of pressure on his son. He said He wants him to be smart and find his own way. Howard asked if He used corporal punishment on his kids. Mr. T said He did but his parents whooped him too. He said that if He didn't get whooped he'd be on Riker's Island or on death row. He said a child needs to be disciplined. Mr. T said his kids are respectful and they're not out committing any crimes.
Howard asked Mr. T if He had a problem with Eddie Murphy doing his impression of him. Mr. T said He has no problem with that because look who ended up trying to pick up a transvestite. He said that He can call him a sissy or a faggot and he's fine with that. He won't respond. Mr. T said that he's a child of God and he's not going to do anything if He says those things. As long as He doesn't touch him he's fine.
Howard asked Mr. T what He thinks about gay rights. Mr. T said he's taught to love the sinner but hate the sin. He said it's not his place to judge. Mr. T quoted the bible a bunch more and said that you have to forgive. Howard asked if He would accept a gay child. Mr. T said He doesn't hate people. He said He doesn't even hate the people that hate him. He said that Dr. King said that hate does more to the hater than it does to the hated.
Howard said that Mr. T should have a stable of broads. He said He should be having them all because he's such a good guy. Howard asked if He watches any TV. He said He watches the A-Team reruns in his down time. He said He loves to watch the good times. Howard said He gets sad watching his own movie. Mr. T said He likes to watch himself in Rocky. He said He learns lessons from those things. Howard asked if Stallone called him about doing his movie. Mr. T said He did enough for him and he's okay with him not calling him.
Howard asked if Mr. T ever gets so exhausted that He can't sign an autograph. He said He never does. He said He never gets tired of that because He has a short name.
Howard asked Mr. T if other actors look down on him. Mr. T said he's not an actor, he's a reactor. Howard wanted to give him a second to breathe. He said that he's wearing a ton of gold chains today but He had stopped after Hurricane Katrina because He felt it was wrong to do that at the time. Mr. T said He felt that it would be sin to wear the gold and have people seeing that on him. He felt it was disrespectful. Now he's wearing gold to promote Gold Promise. He said He has invested in gold bars and that's what this is all about. Howard said He always thought this gold thing was bullshit but it's still a good buy even at the prices it's at now.
Howard asked how much gold he's invested in and if all of his money is in it. Mr. T said that he's diversified.
Mr. T said that Gold Promise is a service that takes your gold and sends you money. Howard asked if he's ever done this himself. Mr. T said He did it to test it out. He said He checked it out before He put his name on it. He said he's a pitch man for them now and when he's a pitch man things explode.
Howard asked Mr. T how many women He has slept with at once. Mr. T said Howard is very good and you have to be on your toes. Howard asked if he's ever had a threesome. Mr. T wasn't talking about any of that stuff. He said he's not that kind of guy.
Howard asked Mr. T if he's attracted to Robin. Mr. T said He is. Howard asked why he's never called her. Mr. T said it's a respect thing. Howard said He might be a good match for Robin.
Howard wrapped up with Mr. T and gave him some more plugs for this Gold Promise thing. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have the Worst Penis Injury Contest coming up tomorrow. He said they also have the Ultimate Superfan Trivia Challenge coming up. He said that you can find out more about that at Sirius.com/Howard.
Howard said that Mr. T sure can talk. He said he's the greatest. He was sweating up a storm in there. Robin said He came in dry but left wet. Howard said He was thinking about how great it would be for Robin to watch A-Team reruns all day long with Mr. T. He said they could watch that and Rocky 3 together. Howard said it would be domestic bliss.
Howard took a call from a guy who said He was exhausted after hearing that interview. Howard said Mr. T was showing some signs of exhaustion too. He said his shoulders slumped by the end of it.
Another caller asked if Howard gets nervous when Mr. T is in there. Howard said He did move in close a couple of times. Howard said He gets upset when you bring certain things up and you're not even sure why. Howard had to hang up on that guy because his phone was breaking up.
Howard said He heard that Robin tweeted during the commercials. Robin said she didn't do it. She said it could have been someone who works with her on her foundation. Howard said she should just tweet for herself.
Howard said it's turning into a whole businesses. Robin said it's really not but she appreciates the support she's gotten for her charity thing.
Howard said He has to talk to Robin about this web site where they showed the politician, Rich Iott, who did the Nazi reenactments. Howard said that there are people out there who dress up like Nazis. Howard said they reenact the war. Howard read some of what they have on the web site. He said He was going to save it for tomorrow but He ended up getting into it today. Howard read about this Nazi reenactment and wondered why anyone would want to do that. He read more and they talk about the hobby that these people talk about. They claim they are not trying to be Nazis and they're just reenacting the war. Howard said He would have more respect for them if they were real Nazis.
Howard said He just got a book in the mail from Al Jaffe who was a great cartoonist for MAD Magazine. Howard said that He used to love that magazine. He said He even got the record that came with the magazine. He said Al Jaffe and Dave Berg were great. He said that they sent him this book and Al wanted to come on the show. Howard said He has to be like 90 now. Howard said He might be like Gilbert doing the impression of the old Groucho Marx.
Howard said Al was still working for MAD a couple of years ago. Benjy said he's still drawing the fold ins that are in the back of the magazine. Howard said He hasn't seen the magazine for quite a while now. Howard said He loved it.
Howard said they were talking about this on The Today Show this morning. He had a clip from the show where they discussed David calling into the Howard Stern Show. Howard let that clip play through and they picked up on a bunch of stuff that David was talking about in the interview. Howard said they got some of it right. One of the people talking understood that David was trying to explain that He wasn't out cheating on his wife. The woman said that He wandered into a bunch of other topics too.
Howard said He loves David and Courteney. He found him to be very open and honest yesterday and He appreciated that. Howard said the news that broke about him was upsetting to him so He wanted to set the record straight. Howard said that David was being very conversational and honest. Robin said that He wouldn't have been saying it at all if they had respected their privacy and kept them out of the paper.
Howard said the people going over this stuff are very judgmental. Robin said they're supposed to be reporters and not be so judgmental.
Howard said David has been on the show many times and they have a relationship. That's one of the reasons He called into the show. Howard said He wanted to set the record straight too. Howard said He understands why He wanted to do that too.
Steve said they have a winner announced for the ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' Rejected Book title contest. Gary picked ''One Flew Over the Umpire's Head'' as the grand prize winner to appear in the paperback version of his book. The other finalists were:
Steve said that Vinnie Favale is very sorry for the mix up about the Matt Damon movie thing with Howard last week. He had screwed up another time when He sent him a copy of a DVD. Howard went over that story and said that it's a good thing Vinnie doesn't have a real job. Howard said that Mike Gange screwed up once and sent his daughter's teacher a porno movie thinking that He had recorded something over it. Howard said He sent his daughter's teacher a porno. Howard said the teacher never said a word but the woman's husband did. He said the guy was a priest and He was shocked that they saw this porno. Howard said He wanted to kill that kid but He promoted him instead. Howard wondered why He didn't fire him. He said He must feel bad for everyone. Howard said He hears that Gange does a good job for Howard TV. He said He just can't fire people. He said there's nothing worse than sending a porno to his daughter's teacher who is sick in bed and has a priest husband.
Gary said that Gange claims He took a test and got a 122 IQ. They're going to use the same doctor they used for the other test. Sal said there's no way that Bobo is going to beat him. He said if He does beat him he'll kill himself on the air.
Gary said Sal can't even find California on a map. Sal said He can to. Gary said He can now that they've told him where it is. Gary said Sal doesn't know a ton of shit. That led to them asking him who fought in World War II. Sal didn't know. He said it was in Europe. Howard said Bobo is going to kick Sal's ass and get higher than a 102 IQ.
Howard thinks that KC will score less than a 100. He said he'll get in the 70s or maybe an 80. Howard said he's pretty sure it'll be below an 80. Gary said Sal was just 3 points away from not scoring a 100. Howard said He never thought he'd have someone working there that was so low. Sal said that has nothing to do with the work He does there though.
Gary said that they've stumped Sal on the same questions about World War II many times. Robin said that Sal is of normal intelligence.
Howard got Eric the Midget on the phone to ask him what 9x6 is. Eric said that's not why He called in so he's not answering. Eric also said he's not going to do the IQ test because He doesn't trust them. Howard said He was hounding them to test him but now he's backing out. He said he's done with Eric. Howard said they're not going to goof on him. Gary said it took a long time to find a guy in his town to do the test because He won't go anywhere.
Howard asked Eric why He does this to him. He said He goes out of his way to do something for him and then He backs out. Gary said He had a gift for Eric that He would have loved. Howard told him to throw it out. Howard said He knows that he'd love it but he's done with Eric. Howard said he's pissed him off so he's going to end it with Eric. Eric told Howard that He shouldn't get him an acting gig and never watch it. Howard said He did watch him. He had 2 lines. Howard said He can't judge him as an actor. Fred said a sack of groceries is more expressive. Robin said that Howard is much busier than Eric is so He can't watch.
Eric said that the people on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable were saying his acting was great. Howard said He had two lines, they can't judge based on that. Howard said Eric did fine and didn't embarrass himself. He said He said like 2 lines. Eric said it was 4 or 5 lines. Eric said that Jillian Barberie likes him now. Howard said He can call into her show now because He busted his balls to do the IQ test and now he's backing out. Howard said they put hours and hours into finding someone and He has to be done with him.
Ralph called in and talked to Eric. He said He can't fuck it up now. He said he's on a roll and there must be someone telling him not to do this. He told him not to get crazy and back out. Ralph said it's not easy to find someone to do this test. Robin said they have no interest in faking the test. Howard said He has never lied to this guy once and this is a legitimate test. Howard said he's done with him now.
Ralph asked Eric if He was going to do it. Eric said He will do it. Ralph said He wants to see Eric's head blow up on every show and he's working on that with Jimmy Kimmel. Howard told Gary to set up the surprise for Eric for after the IQ test. Gary said He would take care of that.
Howard asked Eric if He knew who fought in World War II. Eric knew the right answer. He said History was one of his strong suits. Gary asked him what 9x8 was. Eric told him to stop going through that. Howard told him to go ahead. Eric said he's not doing math questions now. Howard, Fred and Ralph were all doing their impressions of Eric.
Ralph told Fred to ask another history question. Sal said ''Oh no...'' Howard asked Eric what He thinks he'll score on the IQ test. He said he's not sure. He said He won't say now. Fred asked who was assassinated that led to World War I starting. Sal didn't know. Howard wanted to wrap up with that but He agreed with Ralph about how Eric should be on every show and have his head blow up. Howard said it would be great to see his head blow up on every show. Ralph got a laugh out of that. Howard asked Eric if He would go on Dancing with the Stars and have his head blow up. Ralph said even TMZ could do it. Howard said they could ask him a question and his head just explodes. Ralph said it would be a pop culture phenomenon.
Howard and the guys were coming up with ideas for all of the shows that Eric's head could explode on. They came up with a bunch of them. Howard asked Eric if He would be up for all of that. Eric didn't get a chance to answer. They were still talking about all of the shows He could be on. Eric said he's not doing anymore head exploding. Howard said He reminds him of this guy who played Napoleon Dynamite. Howard said if everyone wants to see his head explode then just go do it. Ralph said He could be on 90210 and have his head explode. He said this could be ''his thing'' and it could lead to other things. Ralph said He would watch any piece of shit show if they had Eric's head exploding. Ralph said he'd be watching Rachel Ray to see him explode. Fred played explosions sounds as they were talking about all of this.
Howard asked Eric if He could get him on a show like Glee and have his head explode. Eric said He won't do it. He doesn't want to do anymore head exploding scenes. Howard said He could be on New Year's Rockin' Eve and have his head explode at Midnight. Eric said He won't do it. Howard suggested Jeopardy. Fred played the explosion sound. Howard said they could have him on 60 Minutes with the ticking and his head explodes. Howard said Eric isn't going to do it through. Ralph said he'll work on him some more.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Sal about the IQ test thing. Howard said He thinks that Sal is going to end up being below an 80. Robin said 80-89 is considered ''dull.'' Howard thinks that KC is going to be lower than dull.
Howard and Fred asked Sal some more history questions. Sal knew about Pearl Harbor. He knew about who gave us the Statue of Liberty. He didn't know about the war of 1812. Howard said He thinks that Eric is going to beat Sal. Sal said He thinks He has him beat.
Gary asked Sal some questions about geography and He didn't do to well. Eric knew a little more than Sal did. Howard said this would be a good time for Eric's head to explode. He was going to let Eric go but Eric was still talking about who He thinks he'll do on the test. Howard said He really has to go. Eric said that He was in a regular-ed math class in 7th grade and He was one of the top people in the St. Jude's Mathathon. Gary asked him where He was in 12th grade. Eric said He was finished with his 2 year requirement in 10th grade.
Howard asked what 5 plus 9 was. Eric said it was 45. Robin said ''What!?'' He misunderstood and thought Howard said 5x9. Howard said Eric will do fine on the IQ test and he's not scamming him. Eric said that he's worried because of the prank calls he's gotten. Howard said he's giving him word it's not a prank. He let Eric go and Fred played the exploding sound.
Steve Langford got back to his news preview and said that Benjy barely made it to work on time yesterday. He showed up just as the theme music was playing. Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard said they're treating David like a maniac. He said that He wishes that Frank Gifford would go on the air and talk about his cheating. Howard said they're not getting any of this discussion right because they didn't hear the whole interview. They're just taking that short clip they listened to and basing all of their thoughts on that.
Howard played more of the clip and Kathie Lee was saying that grown men just don't go on a radio show to discuss intimate things. Howard said He didn't. He was just giving a time line. Howard said poor David. He said He can't catch a break. Howard said He didn't hide behind a publicist like everyone else does. Howard said He explained what happened and how He was legally separated before He slept with that woman He was with. He wasn't bragging about that, He was just explaining why He was with her after being legally separated.
Robin got to her news and read about the Chilean miners that are being brought up from the mine they were stuck in for 60 days. Robin said they have to wear sunglasses because they've been in the dark so long. Robin said there were 33 down there and they've gotten 13 out so far. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what these miners are going to feel when they get out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that some of the free papers got the David Arquette story wrong. They were saying that He was cheating on his wife and things like that. Howard said they didn't hear the whole interview and He feels horrible for him.
Another caller asked how Howard deals with people who hate his show when they've never even listened. Howard talked about how they don't have the same opinion when Oprah does an interview and someone talks about personal stuff. He said it's hypocrisy. Howard said David predicted this would happen and He was right. Howard said He really likes the guy and He feels bad for him. Howard was surprised that the caller was a woman. He didn't think that she sounded like one. Howard
Robin got back to her news and read about some of the election races that are going on. She had some updates on the Christine O'Donnell story and things like that. She mentioned Sarah Palin during that discussion so Howard mentioned He saw Sarah in the audience of Dancing with the Stars watching her daughter. He talked about how it must suck to have a mother that's so much better looking than her.
Robin read some more news about Carl Paladino and his excuses for what He said about gay people at a temple the other day. Robin also had some news about some other politicians that are up for election. She had some audio clips that Howard played.
Robin read about how an investigator in the shooting of a man on a lake in Texas has wound up dead. Robin said it's like a movie with these stories. Howard said he's not going down there for a vacation again. Robin said that the guy's head was found in a suitcase. Howard said that the United States is going to have to go in and take care of this problem eventually. Robin said the body of the man who was shot has still not been found.
Robin read about how corn prices are going up and that may mean that everything made with corn is going to go up in price.
Robin read about how Google is into off shore wind farms. Robin said they're trying to get into alternative energy sources. Howard said He wonders how they beat Yahoo. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said He used to be a Yahoo guy but now He can't get away from Google. Robin said they even call it ''Googling'' when someone searches for something. Howard said it's pretty wild. Robin read more about the wind farm thing and how they're partnering up with some company to work on the project.
Robin read about a study that was done about mental illness and how it's a big problem with children. Robin had some details about that story.
Robin read about the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy and how a judge has ordered the defense department to stop this practice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Kathie Lee Gifford is just a yenta and He can't believe they're giving the guy shit when He was just trying to be honest. Howard said everyone else hides behind publicists and He was just being honest. The caller said that He fucks a lot of girls and he's just a regular dude. He said that David is just trying to protect his family and they're giving him a hard time. Howard said that this guy is bright. He thanked him for the call.
Robin said that Michael Douglas is in bad shape with his cancer according to Oliver Stone. Robin said they have had some pictures in the tabloids and he's not looking very good. Howard said you do lose a lot of weight with those chemotherapy treatments.
Robin had some audio of an oil industry guy saying that they've reduced the risks of deep water oil drilling. Howard said he's just waiting for the next oil spill. He doesn't believe they've done anything.
Robin read about a painting that was found in a family home that may be a lost work by Michelangelo. Robin said the picture is of the Virgin Mary weeping over her baby. Robin said it's some family that says the painting was brought into the family by a great, great grandfather more than 8 decades ago. They knew that it was painted by Michelangelo and it could be worth 10s of millions of dollars.
Howard said He doesn't get the art world and why a painting is worth millions and the one next to it is worth 3 dollars. He said He doesn't get it. Howard said that Drew Friedman is more talented than guys like Picasso.
Robin said that the supreme court is looking into a case where someone wanted to have a post conviction DNA test done and they refused to allowed it in court. Howard said that DNA testing should be allowed to get innocent people off.
Robin said that Rick Springfield is saying that He killed a man when He was a teenager. Robin said that He claims He was entertaining U.S. Troops in Vietnam and He helped load mortars with the troops and they killed a man while He was helping. Howard said that makes him a real man. Robin said Rick says that still brings a shiver down his spine. Robin said this is some book He has out.
Robin read that production has been halted for Men in Black 3 because of Will Smith arguing with the director. Robin said they've shut down for two weeks because of Will fighting with the director. The movie company has denied that the story is true.
Robin read about the American Music Awards being announced yesterday. She read about some of the nominees and played some audio from the announcements.
Robin read about a new movie coming out called ''Conviction'' with Hillary Swank and Sam Rockwell. Howard said Beth went out to the premiere last night. He said she was in the tiniest mini-dress. Howard said she went out there with Regis to this event. Howard said she went to that event and then went to the movie premiere. Howard said He got kind of envious that she was out having fun while He was watching Dancing with the Stars. Robin had some audio of Sam Rockwell talking about the movie. Robin wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon said that David talked about how great Courteney is and how he's trying to work things out with her but they didn't mention that in those news reports.
Jon went through some of the other stuff he wanted to cover today. He mentioned the IQ test discussion and asked Gary if he thinks that Eric can beat Bobo and Sal. Gary said he thinks that they're all right in the same ballpark. He said he thinks that Gange has a higher IQ than Sal. He said that might be the easiest $500 bet he's ever taken. They also mentioned how angry Howard got about Gange today thinking about that old tape screw up.
Jon wondered if Howard really does harbor that grudge. Gary said he thinks he does. He said that Howard will never see Gange as more than that guy. Gary said that Gange is second in command over at Howard TV and Howard doesn't believe he is that good that he should have that job.
Jon said that once you get caught up in the Sal thing it's always surprising how little he knows. Gary said that Sal came out of the studio and someone had rattled off the countries in South America and Sal just said ''How would I know? I've never been there.'' Gary said Sal hasn't been to a lot of places. He said that it's shocking when he doesn't know this stuff. He doesn't even know that Notre Dame is a church.
Gary said that Sal ran out for a cigarette and asked him to take a picture of him with a woman he saw who had huge tits. He had the camera set up just so it showed her tits.
Jon and Gary talked about Sal's IQ score of 102 and how he had the lowest of the staff scores. Jon said he loves that Gary gets so pissed off at Eric the Midget when he pulls out of something. Gary said he has something really great for Eric and now they have to wait for him to take this test.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they think Sal is doing this stuff for attention. Jon said that he's absolutely not doing it for attention. He has no knowledge of history or geography. Jon said Sal doesn't think he needs to know that stuff. He said Sal says he doesn't need to know and he's not going to learn it. The caller asked how he made it on Wall Street. Gary said you don't need to know that stuff. You just need to know the stock market. He said he did fine on that test he had to take to be a stockbroker.
Jon said that Sal is a great bullshit artist and he can talk it up with anybody. Jon said that Sal can schmooze with the best of them. Gary said Sal has even said that he'll just joke around and make it sound like he doesn't care when someone would ask where the stock was from.
Sal came in so Jon asked him about the faking of the stupidity thing. Sal said he's at a point in his life where he doesn't have time to catch up on that stuff. Gary said that he could learn that stuff. He said he asked him about the war of 1812 and Sal could have just looked it up real quick. Sal said he went back and worked on his prank calls after that segment. He said he has no time too learn that stuff. Sal said Gary has things he doesn't want to do too. Gary said that's true, he doesn't want to suck a man's cock. Sal said he doesn't either.
Sal said he did know where Mexico and California were today. Gary said that he can't be proud of that. Sal said he's concentrating on the one question he didn't know. Gary asked him some more questions about World War II and what made the Japanese stop. Sal kind of knew the answer. They said that was close enough. Sal said that he thinks that he'll beat Bobo in the IQ test thing. Gary said he thinks it's going to be close.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Eric the Midget call. they spent a few minutes talking about Eric's answers and how funny it was when Eric said 9+5 was 45.
Jon and Gary talked about Mr. T not wanting to curse when he's on the show and things like that. Jon said that he was also talking about how he goes up to Harlem and how important that is to him. Jon was also talking about what Mr. T said about why he didn't want to appear in the A-Team movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a MENSA card and he can't do math for shit. He said that the IQ test is more about logical thinking and not about knowledge. Gary asked how many people have bad math skills and a high IQ. He said it must be rare. Gary said that this is easy math and not difficult stuff. The caller said he's confused when it comes to anything more than basic arithmetic or fractions. He said that the IQ test is a measure of your capacity to learn.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about how uncomfortable they really were that time Mr. T shut down when he was being asked about his mom. Gary said they weren't worried about him doing anything to Howard but Mr. T did shut down that day. Gary said they could throw Ronnie on Mr. T if they had to. The caller said he'd like to see that fight. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Ventura seems to be very comfortable on the show now. Gary said he's interesting but he may not agree with everything he says. He said he's pretty calm when he's taking about those conspiracy theories. Jon said that sometimes he'll see the point but then he'll throw something else out there and you just say ''Oh, come on...''
Gary said that Ventura is very sincere too. He believes all of that stuff he's talking about. That's why he got that Conspiracy Theory show.
The guys were also talking about Ventura's thoughts on voting and eliminating the party affiliation in the votes. That led to them asking Sal if he votes. Sal said he started voting recently and just voted for Obama. He said he doesn't want to be involved in that. He said his wife looks into that stuff for them and she does the voting. Gary asked if he asks her who she's voting for. Sal said he trusts her in that capacity.
Gary said he has to go out and do a book signing on election day. He asked Sal if he knows who is running in his area. Sal said he knows that Lazio is running for something. He thought it was Assemblyman.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jesse is great on Howard's show but he's not very good on other shows. He said that it seems like Howard is kind of bored with him too. Gary didn't think he was bored with him at all. He also doesn't think that Howard really wants him at his house. Gary said Howard told him off the air that he would have had him at his house if he was home. He's not trying to avoid him.
Another caller said that Gary just lost his vote yesterday when he said he's going to vote for that guy who lied about being in Vietnam. Gary said that the guy has done a lot of good in office and it wasn't an easy decision. Gary said that you don't agree with someone on everything they do. He said that he looked at his record and he has a long history of doing good things. He had to put that up against a person who hasn't done anything and hasn't said what she's going to do.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she's glad that Sal doesn't vote because he's ignorant. She said that she loves him but she's glad about that. Sal said that he did vote for Obama and he wasn't ignorant about that. Sal said he knows some stuff about Obama and he knows that he looks good in a suit so that was enough. The caller said that she's glad that Sal didn't vote and admitted he was ignorant.
Gary asked if he has ever voted for someone just because they have names that he likes. Sal said he has never done that. He doesn't vote, except for Obama, so he can't even answer that question.
Sal said that he's not going to vote in the elections in a few weeks. He hasn't done any research so he won't bother. Sal said he doesn't have enough time to do the research. The caller said that if you know what you're voting on then go vote. She said if you're just going to go in and pick a name randomly then it's pointless.
Another caller said they have to stop encouraging Sal to vote. Sal said he won't vote. Gary said it's a privilege to vote. Jon said if you don't vote you shouldn't complain either. The caller said that Sal saying that Obama looks good in a suit is wrong too. Sal said that he was just joking.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks Ralph feels sympathy toward Eric because they're both hated and he can relate to him. Gary said that would make sense if Ralph felt that way about everyone who is hated on the show. The caller said that Gange is hated too. Gary said he hadn't thought about that one. He said that wouldn't jump out at him. Jon said that Ralph loves Eric and he loves hearing from him so he's going to defend him all he can.
Jon said that Gary gets really riled up when Eric is on the phone. Gary said it all goes back to him not appreciating anything they do for him. Gary said it wasn't easy finding someone to administer an IQ test for him. They found someone who was willing to go to his home to do it too and Eric still doesn't appreciate it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be today. They have Sarah Butler from ''I Spit On Your Grave'' coming in. Howard said he's going to ask her to let them claim her as a discovery. Howard said Steve-O is coming in today too. Howard said that's one of Robin's favorites. They're also going to have the Worst Penis Injury Contest and Alec Baldwin will be calling in as well. He said it's going to be very busy.
Howard said that the David Arquette thing has been getting so much coverage that you almost didn't know the Chilean miners were getting out. He said he had to turn it off because he almost didn't care. Robin said she tuned in for the very last one and she was glad she did that. Howard said the news channels cover everything but they covered that rescue far too much. Howard said even Sean Hannity was covering that.
Howard said the only miner he cared about was the one who had the mistress. He said the mistress is the one who greeted the guy. Howard said that being a miner is tough but it shows that it's man's world that he can be a miner and have a mistress. He said the woman made Susan Boyle look feminine. Howard said the wife is an old bag and the mistress is a triple old bag. Howard said the guy was getting cheered and was treated like a rock star.
Howard said the miners did look like ZZ Top when they came out with the big beards and sunglasses. Howard said they're superstars in the country now and the President of the country has had his approval ratings go up. Howard said these guys came out and they didn't want a big deal made out of this. They have to go back to work. Robin said the mining company went out of business though so they can't go back to work there.
Gary said one of the guys gave a tour of the mine and did such a good job that a TV station gave him a job. Gary said it also cost $33 million to get them out of there. He said it was a million a head. Robin said they were down there 17 days before anyone even knew they were alive. She said it was a miracle.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie is great. He said he should have banged her when he had a chance. He said they both would have talked about it and it would have been a lot of fun.
Howard said Jillian left a message with Gary about the David Arquette thing. He said it makes a lot of sense too. Howard played that clip and Jillian was talking about how pissed off all of the other shows get about Howard getting an interview like that. She said that if those other shows got an interview like that they'd exploit it like crazy. She said they were just treating the story like they did because they were jealous of Howard getting an honest interview like that. She said that she's so frustrated when they rip someone great like David apart. She said it make her crazy.
Howard said he liked that message. He said she's right and a lot of the backlash is because he did the interview with him.
Howard said he was watching Johnny Knoxville on Letterman and Johnny went on and Dave asked him about his penis injury but he was being very cryptic. Howard said there was no humor involved because they can't even say the words. Howard said Johnny is so strong when he's on this show that he can talk about that stuff. Howard said Dave wanted the story but they had to blow right past the story.
Howard said David called into the show and he was very honest. Howard said there's a lot of discussion going on about what he said and people are just upset with him. He played a clip from Showbiz Tonight where they talked about the separation and the call he made to the show. They played a clip of David talking about how his sex was scheduled with Courteney but it was filled with love and it was very passionate. Then one of the women was saying that it was an embarrassing admission. Howard said he couldn't stand hearing the voices and the way they were talking about him.
Howard said he had a clip of Jada Pinkett Smith on Oprah talking openly about her sex life and no one was complaining about it. Howard said no one would bother David if he was on Oprah talking about this stuff.
Howard said Mel Karmazin sent him an article about an FCC guy who was talking about the fines they had against his show when they were on terrestrial radio. Howard said the article made him seem like a Mafioso. Howard said these people get a little power and they think they can do whatever they want. Howard said they should be putting money into things that make sense. He said they waste so much money on bullshit. Howard said we can't even get an accoutring of where our money goes. Howard said we never hear about anyone paying down the deficit.
Howard read the article about the FCC guy. He read some quotes from this FCC guy who was saying that he wasn't going to let them move on if they didn't pay their fine. Howard said the guy says that he wanted to pay the fine to be a good citizen and then he went out and fought it. Howard said that the FCC didn't think he should fight it and it was an example of an abuse of power. Howard said maybe the FCC guy is wrong and everyone else is right. He refuses to even think about that.
Howard said the whole world is fucked up and crazy. Howard said David Arquette is getting shit for trying to explain that he wasn't cheating on his wife. He said the guy was just being honest and now he's getting shit over it. Howard said maybe in some strange way someone is thinking about how hot David is right now and they'll want to use him in some way. Howard said the world is upside down in that way.
Howard said that Kelsey Grammer's former wife, Camille, is in a new TV show so he's going to be watching that. Howard said it starts when they were still together and then they go through their divorce. Howard said that should be great. He said he loves that shit.
Howard said this is a bizarre world we live in. He said he can see David Arquette taking over for Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man or something. Robin said she thinks they already picked a new Spider-Man.
Howard said he thinks he's going to give up on the show ''No Ordinary Family.'' He said he's bored with it already.
Howard said she's super hot. Howard asked her what she did at Disneyland. She played Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Howard said that Beast isn't that bad looking. He said he's kind of ripped actually.
Howard asked Sarah if guys ever come over to her dressed as Belle and tell her she's got great tits. She said that she did have guys ask her for a quickie. She said that she'd just tell them she had no idea what they were talking about. Howard asked if they used the F-word. She said they didn't really do that. She said they'd just ask for the quickie. Sarah said she was 19 at the time and making 13.50 an hour so it was a pretty good job.
Howard asked Sarah about how tough it was getting the job there. She said it was hard because they would have her come in early and stare at her and then pretend to be kids. They tested her that way.
Howard asked if she's had guys try the casting couch thing with her. She said that didn't really happen. She said she did have a crush on one of the Beasts at Disney. She said that she got fired before anything could happen though. Sarah said she didn't show up for some shifts and they ended up firing her.
Howard said the way he found her was when he saw this movie ''I Spit On Your Grave.'' He said he got a preview DVD and he hardly ever gets any of them. Howard said they think he's going to pirate the DVDs so they don't send them to him. Howard said someone sent him the movie and it was sitting on his desk because he thought it was a horror movie. He said those movies freak him out. Then Gary told him that the movie was really good. He said that this chick gets raped and then she kills everybody. Howard said that sounded like something he'd like to see. Howard said he loves movies like Death Wish where he comes back and kills everyone. Howard said he decided to watch the movie and he asked Beth to watch it. She was interested too. Howard said she was really into it. Robin said she liked it too.
Howard said he figured the chick in the movie had to be hot. He said he was watching it and it turned out to be a great movie. He said the first half of the movie was the rape. He said it was all creepy and good. He said that was the horror of a rape. He said it went on for half the movie.
Howard asked if the movie has a rating. She said it's unrated. Howard asked if it appeared in the movies. She said it's in theaters right now. Howard asked how they get it into theaters if it's not rated. She said they only have 8 theaters right now so it's tough. The movie is a remake and they redid the poster to look like the original and her ass is the ass on the poster. Howard said he'd like to see that.
Howard asked Sarah if she thought there was too much nudity in the movie. She said that she almost didn't do it.
Howard said that one of the guys who raped her was retarded and he was afraid they were going to make an example out of him and not kill him. Howard said she did end up killing him but he wanted to know if she thought that was right. Sarah said she did. Howard said he did too.
Howard said Sarah has some body on her and she's nude in the movie a lot. Howard said she has nice titties too. Robin said she's very attractive. Howard asked if she went to her parents and asked them about it. Sarah said that she did and their opinions did mean a lot to her. She said she told her parents she was doing the movie and she just wanted them to know. She said her mom didn't handle it very well but her dad did. She said that her little sister came too. She just turned 21 and she left in the middle of it with her mom. She said they didn't like the rape scene. Her dad stuck around for it. She said her dad liked the revenge parts. She said he was giving her a thumbs up every time she killed someone.
Howard asked Sarah how she got a manager and an agent out there in Hollywood. She said she had to climb this ladder trying to get an agent and it was just step by step. Sarah said she had some friends that helped her out with jobs too. Sarah said there is no definite path and you just have to go with the flow.
Howard said he thinks that she's going to be a big star so he had to have her on the show. Howard asked her to remember them when she becomes big. Howard said he doesn't want her bombing out on them and forget about them. Howard said when she becomes Tom Cruise's third wife, don't forget about them. Sarah said she has a boyfriend who is a personal trainer so she's not going to be marrying Tom. Howard said he hates her boyfriend already. She said that he's a surfer and this relationship is going to last. Howard said she must want someone who is more motivated than that. She said they have plans and they're going to be fine. She said he's got a great body from surfing. She said as soon as she saw him with his shirt off she was in love.
Howard said that makes him so angry that she has a good looking guy. Howard said he didn't have a chance to get his body into shape. He was busy working and serving in Vietnam. Sarah laughed. Howard said he sees these guys who are ripped and look fantastic. He asked if this guy can fill all of her needs. Sarah said he can. She said that it's great. She said that she doesn't have to worry about him being a big star. Sarah said she can't date a guy like that. He's a real man who fixes her car for her.
Howard said Roger Ebert gave her movie zero stars. He said those kind of movies never get good reviews though. Howard asked if she was creeped out by the actors she worked with in the rape scene. Sarah said that she loved those guys. She said they're really nice guys and they're like a big family. They did keep their distance on the set though. Howard asked if any of them hit on her. She said they may have felt dirty because of the subject matter. Sarah said that she would be naked shooting the scene and they'd yell cut and one of the guys would ask if they could get a robe on her. Howard asked if she was comfortable being naked. She said she was desensitized to it eventually. She said when she was covered in blood and mud she had make up artists putting that stuff on.
Howard asked if the guys are naked as well. She said they had socks on their stuff. She said they didn't get boners either. Howard asked if she had something on her vagina. She said she did have it covered up to the bare minimum. Howard asked if anyone else turned down the role because of the nudity. She said she's not sure but she heard that Brittany Murphy was interested but they wanted unknowns for the movie. She said that it was kind of shocking that she passed when they were filming.
Howard asked Sarah about working out for the movie. She said she had her boyfriend help her out with that. She wanted to be ripped for the movie. Sarah said she was running and eating right and doing all of that. Sarah said she doesn't weigh herself so she didn't keep track of that. Sarah said she didn't care that much about weight.
Howard asked Sarah what her next move is. He said he wants to follow her career. Sarah said she is missing an audition right now and other than that, she's got nothing in the works. Sarah said she would rather be there with Howard than going out to the audition.
Howard said that Sarah is lucky that Roger Ebert can't talk. She said that he did do the bad review but he also said it was a well made film. Sarah said she's turned down a few horror movie offers. Howard gave her some advice and told her to take horror movies. He said she's an actress and she has to act. Robin said Jamie Lee Curtis started her career in horror movies. Robin said that she went main stream eventually. Sarah said she's one of her role models so she knows about that. Howard told her not to get uptight about horror movies. Howard said it's like that guy who did Napoleon Dynamite and didn't want to play that character anymore. Howard said no one heard from him again.
Howard said he's going to set Sarah up with Mr. David Arquette. Sarah said that Jasmine Waltz did a Webisode with her a few years ago. Howard asked if she slept with her. She said she didn't but she was shoved into a dog cage with her on the Webisode. Sarah said she was nice to her though.
Howard wanted to help Sarah's career so he gave her some advice. He told her that she has to date the right person so she's going to date one of the Chilean miners. He said she's going to date the last one who came out. Howard said if that doesn't work then she'll have to date A-Rod.
Howard said he is behind Sarah and told her not to forget her friends when she hits it big. Sarah said she will remember them and this has been awesome. Howard asked if she ever had any lesbian affairs. She said she hadn't but when asked about kissing other girls she hesitated. She said that's an iffy line.
Howard said they have to get Sarah going into something new. He said it was great to meet her and told his fans to go see her movie. He said he and Robin both give it two thumbs up. Howard said he had to move along so they could get to more stuff. Robin said they had that penis injury contest coming up. Howard asked Sarah if she dated anyone with an injured penis. She said she didn't but she had a guy who had a bent penis. Howard asked if she was freaked out by it. She said she was a little shocked. She said it was off just a little bit and she didn't ask what happened to it. She said it was alright though. Howard asked if women ever say that a guy has a ''pretty penis.'' Sarah said that she has. Howard asked if she's ever had a guy with a really small penis. She said she hasn't but she has friends who have shown her pictures that guys have sent to them. She said that some of those are small. Sarah said one guy's penis looked like a little earth worm in the picture she saw. She said it wasn't very flattering.
Howard asked if Sarah ever sends her boyfriend cell phone pictures of herself. She said she has but nothing really naked or anything. She said that she's too scared to do that. Sarah said she'll take pictures of herself in outfits and stuff. Howard said his wife does that sometime. The Howard TV guys showed the one of her in the mirror showing her ass. Sarah said that was a really nice one.
Howard said he likes Sarah's attitude. He said he thinks she's going to be really big some day and asked her not to turn her back on them. She said she's not sure why she would do that. Robin said it has happened many times. Howard said he didn't hear from Jerry Seinfeld for years. He said they're back on track now. Sarah said that this is about her and those guys and she's not going to turn her back on them. She pledged to them that she will give them a second interview. Howard asked if her parents are fans. She said she doesn't think that they listen. She's okay that they don't know what she's talking about today though. Howard gave her some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and mentioned the Ultimate Superfan Trivia Challenge contest they have going on. Then he said Gary didn't think he could stay on schedule today but he is so far. Howard said he didn't think he was getting out of bed this morning though. He said he feels like a train wreck. Robin said she took a nap yesterday. Howard said he thinks it's the running. Howard said they need to move the marathon date up so she can get it over with. Robin said she's going to be running on a Sunday so it's going to be tough for the rest of the week. Howard said he doesn't want to hear any bullshit about that the following Monday.
Howard said he's not sure what she's doing but he thinks she's over training. Robin said this week is her last long run and then she starts to taper down. He said she should start feeling better soon when she tapers off.
Howard said that Steve-O is there and he's there to promote the new Jackass 3D movie. Howard said that Steve is now sober and he's happy for him. Robin said that Steve-O really was crazy when he wasn't sober.
Steve-O came in and Howard said that he's happy for him being sober. Steve said he didn't go to the rap party and he hasn't sat down to watch the guys drinking lately. Howard said he doesn't need the temptation. Howard said it must be tough to be around that. Howard asked what he dos when the guys are partying. Steve said you have to look at your relationships and drop the ones that always have to be loaded. Howard said he must not have any relationships left. Steve laughed.
Steve told Howard that they were shooting some stuff for the movie just two weeks in and all of the guys were drinking and celebrating. He said if he had gone down to have a drink there would be no more days to enjoy there.
Steve said the last time he was on Howard's show he was a mess. Robin said that she saw Steve later that day and someone was trying to get him inside the hotel he was standing in front of and he wouldn't go in. Steve said he got kicked out of a Jackass function they were there to do. That's how out of control he was.
Howard asked Steve if he thinks he's mentally ill. He said he was crazy and he was afraid he was going to have a stroke or something like that. Howard said he was afraid for him. Steve said that the guys did an intervention with him and you know it's bad when Johnny Knoxville is doing an intervention with you. Steve said they had a bunch of the guys from the Jackass crew doing the intervention. They weren't even doing anything at the time so they couldn't even throw him out of anything.
Steve said that the guys let him hurt himself for years and then they showed up with no cameras to stop him from hurting himself. Steve said that they had called Dr. Drew to help them with the intervention and he told them that they had to do whatever it took to stop him from drinking. Howard said he was getting really crazy there for a while. Steve said he was hearing voices in his head and things like that. Steve said it was like angels and demons in his head. He said he was talking like he was suicidal but he really didn't plan on killing himself. He said he was going to die in some way if he had kept doing what he was doing. Steve said that he was inhaling Nitrous cartridges and some of the voices were telling him to just suffocate himself.
Steve said he went into the psych ward and they had to keep him in the wing where the ''something else'' people go. He said he was so belligerent that they had to hold him involuntarily for 2 weeks. He said they upped it from a 5150 hold to a 5250 hold. Howard asked who committed him. Steve said he thinks he committed himself with the emails he was writing to people. He said he was saying he was going to jump out the window and he was ready to die so that's what got him in there.
Howard asked how long they kept him in until they could say he was sane. Steve said that he was in for two weeks and they told him they weren't going to let him out so he started throwing chairs. He said he was in one wing for like 3 days and then they moved him into another wing. He said he had guys telling him about sobriety and stuff. Robin asked if there were any hot chicks there. Steve said there was one. Howard said she must have been crazy though. Howard asked about the fiancee Steve have. Steve said she didn't stick around. She didn't even come to visit him in the psych ward. He said that she's a sweet girl and he has spoken to her since then. He said they used to go to parties and stuff and he'd be awake all night and she would sleep and he'd stay up doing drugs. He said that he'd stay up for days on end.
Howard asked Steve if he has had sex since then. Steve said he has. He said he just had his first triple blow job ever recently. Steve said he was signing some posters at a screening for the new movie and this girl asked if he wanted a drive back to his hotel. Steve said they were trying to sneak off and the other girls came and asked if he wanted two more girls. He said of course he did. Steve said that he was just thinking it was the worst time to be a pre-mature ejaculator. Steve said he had started making out with the original chick and then he felt hands on his legs from the other girls. He said he was afraid he was going to blow his load. He said one girl gave him the toothiest blow job ever and it was like he was getting one from a crocodile but it was great because it was slowing him down. Steve said the second chick started doing it better so he shoved her off and put it back in the jaws of hell. Howard said that when he was done the girls just left. He said he felt so used.
Howard asked Steve about being in the mental institution and if he was afraid of the other patients. Steve said it wasn't like that. He said there was one guy who shit himself and he was rolling in it. He said his roommate said he was Jesus Christ so it was a little crazy. Steve said it was all relative. One guy was an attorney who had slashed himself up but he didn't keep in touch with anyone there.
Steve said he spent 7 days in the psych ward. He said he talked about sobriety with people and he figured he could do a lot of good in the world if he sobered up. Steve said he figured this was a way to reboot himself. Steve said he was ready to go to rehab and got all serious about that. Steve said he was still posting crazy shit on the internet and he was even more arrogant and obnoxious after that. Howard said Johnny was scared for him. Steve said that's what Howard told him every time he was in there.
Steve said he knew it was bad when he asked Howard who was going to live longer, him or Artie, and Howard told him he didn't have a chance living longer than Artie.
Steve said he's looking to do a stand-up gig there in New York this weekend. He said he has like 15-20 minutes. Howard told him he could probably get a gig on his own.
Howard asked Steve about doing Jackass 3D and how that went being sober. Steve said it was a little tough for him. Howard asked if the pain from the nut shots and stuff lasts for a long time. Steve said the pain goes away but he's not sure what kind of damage it's leaving behind.
Howard told Steve about his broken toe and how annoying that is to him. He said it's wrecked his whole life and it's just a broken toe. He said it must be tough to get nut shots and stuff.
Steve said that he was eager to prove that sobriety hasn't turned him into a pussy so he had to do these stunts in the movie. Steve said he sees the other guys doing awesome stunts and he has to do even better ones. He said he calls it ''Footage Envy'' and he has to do better stuff when he sees the other guys doing their thing.
Howard talked about one of the stunts Steve did where they put him in an outhouse and they shake it up and down so the shit is all over him. Steve said there was no lid on the thing so the shit was all over the place. Steve said the port-a-potty goes up over 100 feet and then it comes down and everything rises up out of the well and floats in the air for a second. He said it's fantastic in 3D. Steve said he prepared by putting on a nose plug and ear plugs but then he screamed so loud that the shit was all over his mouth. He said Johnny told him that if his mouth wasn't open so wide the shit may have hit his face. He said most of the shit was dog shit because that's what the lawyers wanted. Howard wondered what's better about dog shit over human shit. Steve wasn't sure because dog shit is serious shit. He said that he has a dog and he has to pick up the dog shit with the doggy bag. He said he looks at it in his hands and thinks that he's pretty gnarly.
Howard said he was wondering if Steve and his wife are related because they both have the last name of O. He asked Steve what he's doing in there today. Steve said it'll be fine. He said Howard thinks that he's going to kill himself every time but today he wants to do something cool to prove he's not a pussy. Steve said that Howard called him a pussy when he was on Dancing with the Stars so he has to prove that he's not.
Steve said this is going to make Howard uncomfortable and it's going to be great. Howard asked him not to do it. Steve said he had to do it. Howard asked him not to. He said he really doesn't want him to do it. Steve was ready to do something with fire but Howard said he didn't want fire in there. Steve said his guy Walter (WalterMasterson.com) is there and he's his amateur fire eater. Steve said that he's going to blow a massive fireball and he's going to catch his head on fire and then do a front flip. He said it's going to catch his head on fire and he'll lay on the ground with his head on fire. Howard kept saying ''no... no... no'' to him. Steve said he was going to be the Human Fire Breathing torch. Howard told him to stop. He said they have very low lights in there and he could end up banging his head.
Tim Sabean came in and said that it would set off the smoke detectors. Steve said it really won't. Howard said he doesn't want him to get hurt. Steve said he was going to do it. Howard said he had to stop him. Steve kept going and told them to turn out the lights. Howard warned Steve about the low ceilings. Steve said he knows what he's doing, he graduated from the Ringling Brothers clown school. Howard said he didn't want Steve dropping dead in there. Steve kept going. Robin said he'll be fine. He knows what he's doing. Steve told them to kill the lights. Howard said he's not killing the lights. Howard told him to do it with the lights on.
Steve loaded up his hair with hair spray first. Howard said he hates this shit. Howard asked if he had ever tried it before. Steve said ''sort of.'' Howard told him to please stop. Steve kept going. He lit himself on fire and then did his stunt. They had to put his head out because it was on fire. Howard told him he was a maniac. There was a lot of stuff going on in there. Someone said his whole face was singed. Howard said he couldn't breathe and it smelled like burned flesh in there. Gary said it was a gross smell.
Howard said what he just did was insane. His whole body and head were on fire. The Howard TV guys had the replay of the stunt. Howard had them play that for him. Steve was just laughing.
Howard said those guys are insane. Walter wanted to see his stunt too but they didn't have that footage. He did it right after Steve's stunt. Steve said it would have looked cool if they had turned the lights out.
Steve said he put hair spray in his hair and then filled his mouth with rubbing alcohol and then put it on his hand, lit his hand on fire and then did a flip and set his hair on fire and Walter blew a fireball off his head.
Steve said he hadn't been there in 2 and a half years. He said he had to do this stunt. He told them that they didn't have to use the fire extinguisher. Robin said they did too. He was on fire and the floor was on fire. Howard said that was some dangerous shit he just did. Howard said that will look good on Howard TV. Steve said he didn't come there to waste his time and he's always said that. Howard said Steve is out of his mind.
Howard put the word out that they're looking to help Steve get a comedy gig. Steve said that Dane Cook has been mentoring him. He said he's done some stuff with him and it was awesome.
Howard asked if Steve heard from any of his ex girlfriend's after he went into rehab. He asked about Nicole Richie. Steve said he didn't date her. She was the one he jerked off to in bed though. Howard asked about his AA meetings but Steve said he won't talk about that. He changed subjects and brought up the movie and plugged that instead.
Howard said he can't wait to see the movie. He asked Steve what he can say to people who are in bad shape. Steve said that there is a solution out there. That's what he's going to say. Steve said that if you have a problem then reach out to someone and get some help.
Howard said that Johnny Knoxville said Steve sucked off a guy once. Steve said they were doing the Wild Boys thing and he did kiss Pontious' penis on the tip. That's all he did. Steve said he just kissed the tip.
Gary showed Howard a picture of Steve they just put up on Howard's web site. He said it was incredible. Howard said he didn't want to be an accomplice in that stunt. Steve said he's a professional so it was fine. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Steve and said he'd let him know if anyone had an opening for the comedy club thing. Howard wrapped up with Steve and Walter and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was time to judge the Worst Penis Injury Contest. He said they narrowed it down to 3 horrible penis injury stories. He said they had thousands of entries. Howard said that it was time to get ready for the tingling in your balls when you hear a horrible story. Howard said they have 3 men coming in to show their penis injuries. Eric, David and John were the contestants.
Howard had the guys all come in and said that he's sure they all wish they didn't have any injury. OF course he was right. Howard said men love their penises and they are a source of pleasure. One of the guys said he prefers a vagina to get pleasure. Howard said this was going to be tough to decide. He said that Benjy will be the tie breaker. He's hoping that they don't have a tie so he can keep his mic turned off.
Howard went to Eric first. He asked what happened to his penis. Eric is 31. 10 years ago he was out partying for his 21st birthday. He said he did 21 shots and ended up passing out. He said he was out in the cold and ended up waking up in the hospital. He said they had to try to revive him. He said his body temperature was down to 92 degrees. He said they had a tray of shots and he did one after the other. He said he woke up in the hospital strapped down and his parents were standing over him thinking he was dead. He said had a catheter in his penis. They told him the next day they weren't able to get it out. Eric said he was in the middle of a hallway and all of the doctors were trying to tug it out. They had to do surgery to get it out.
Eric said later that day his scrotum was swollen and a black and blue mess. He said it was really painful. Eric said they inflated a balloon in his penis and it burst his urethra. He said they destroyed it. Eric said they let him out of the hospital the next day and told him he'd be alright. Eric said he was 21 at the time and all of his friends were parading their girls by as he had a piss bag next to him. He said he went to the doctor to get that taken out and the guy pulled it out and then he peed. He said he went home the next day he went to pee and he didn't hear anything. He looked down and he was pissing out of his scrotum. He didn't know what the hell was going on. He said they had made an incision in his scrotum to get the catheter out and the urine was coming out of that hole.
Howard asked if he can pee now. Eric said he can now but it's been 10 years. He said that he still has a problem with his erection. He said that it's kind of like a bow and arrow. He said it bent his penis in a weird shape. He said when he gets an erection the skin is so tight that it pulls to the right. Howard asked if it's painful during sex. Eric said it is. He said he has to deal with the pain. Eric said he's engaged so his wife is the only one who sees ''Frankenstein.''
Howard said that story was rough to get through. Gary asked if they were going to see the penis. Howard said he could wait until the other stories are told.
Howard moved on to David next. David said he has a penis and a nut injury. He was 15 years old when he was playing basketball. One of the guys got a hunting rifle for his 14th birthday. David said he was a boy scout so he knew gun safety and didn't want anything to do with it. He said he was across the room and the kid drew the gun down at him and he pulled his leg up to flinch and before he asked what he was doing, the gun went off. David said he jumped up and ran downstairs. He said he ran around the kitchen table not knowing what happened. He said it felt like a burst of air hitting him. He said he collapsed in the bathroom upstairs. He said that the kid told him not to bleed on his mother's carpet as he was laying there bleeding.
David said he told his friends to call his mother. He said he knew he was bleeding down there somewhere but he didn't know where. His mother came over and she's a nurse. She called an ambulance and a half hour had gone by at that point. He got to the hospital and they prepped him for surgery. The bullet went through is right leg and went into his right testicular sack and went through his penis into his left testicular sack and into his left leg. He said the bullet is still in his leg. They told him they'd do more damage if they removed it. He said they were going to cut his balls off but his father told them to save them. David said he went to another hospital and spent a couple of weeks there. He said there was no permanent injurers to the testicles other than the fact that he can't have children. He said that the bullet clipped it in a way that it kind of gave him a vasectomy. He said he has a lot of pain when he orgasms. He has the pain for like 5-10 minutes after.
Howard asked where the kid is that shot him. David said they didn't talk much after that incident. He said they sued but he wasn't a wealthy guy. He said he doesn't even see the money until he's like Howard's age either. Robin said that's horrible. Howard agreed.
Howard said they had one more story to hear from John. John is 56. He said back in 2006 he had a pimple on his butt on Christmas morning. He said the next day he woke up and it was really painful. He got some pills and then a few days later his balls were black and swollen. He said that he was in such pain. He said he went to the hospital and was put into a coma. He said that they had to cut away all of the skin from his scrotum. They removed the skin from the head of his penis to around and up. He said that he was gangrene so they had to remove the skin. He said d he was in the coma for 28 days. He said they left the head of the penis. John said they took the skin down to the muscle all the way down the shaft. He said they went all the way across his abdomen and his left side. He said they had to relocate his rectum to where his balls used to be. He said he had his balls put inside his body but he had to have one removed because of where they put it. It was in the crease of his leg so when he'd drive it would crush his ball. John said that he was told that most people who have this don't survive.
Howard and Robin sounded like they were in shock. Howard asked if he can shit standing up. John said he can't. He said his penis is actually scar tissue from the head back. He said he has to put on a pain patch when he showers because it's so painful. John said they used something called Aquacell on there and they did 28 sheets per bandage and they did dressing changes every 8 hours for 4 months.
John said the surgeon told him that they could actually see the gangrene spreading as they cut the skin away. He said they had to go in and cut more away after the initial surgery. Gary said he's not sure he wants to see this. Howard said he's not sure either. John told him that they'll be fine.
Will Murray asked how he shits. He didn't understand how it worked. John said it's basically in the taint area now. Robin helped with that description.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted to show anything. David said that there wasn't much to see there. Eric said he wanted to see John first. John pulled down his pants and showed them where his testicle was located. It was above his penis. Fred played the ''Psycho'' theme as he showed it. Howard asked if the surgeon was high when he put his testicle above his penis. He asked if that was Dr. Picasso or something. Howard said he felt their pain but he thinks that he knows who he's voting for.
Robin asked what a penis injury really means. Gary said that's what they discussed in a meeting. Howard said that this guy was done in by a pimple. David said that he didn't get to enjoy his penis since he had his injury at 14. Eric said that his injury was bad because he was 21 at the time. Howard asked Eric if he saw where John's testicle was. He said he did.
Howard said that he considers them all to have injured penises in some way. He said they all had injuries but the worst story has to be John. Howard said the other guys have to admit that. Howard said poor John has been through a lot. John is going through it in spades. His ball is like a unicorn. Howard said that the other guys are fucking and John is not. John said he had a good life before this. Robin asked if he pleasures his wife in other ways. John said it's hard to understand after going through this. He said he can't do it the right way. Howard said he can't get any pleasure out of it so there's no point.
Howard asked John if he can get any pleasure in his life. John said he enjoys life but there is no masturbation or anything. Howard said there's nothing funny about John's story. He said that it seems obvious that John is suffering the most. Howard said he has to vote for John.
Robin said she doesn't think she can do anything but vote for John. Howard asked Eric if he would vote for John. Eric said he would. He said it's the most fucked up thing he's ever heard. Gary went with John too. Fred said that he's surprised that the other guys were still there and not on a bus heading home. Howard said they're lucky enough to have John in there. John said just coming there was the best. Howard said it's tough for all three of them.
Howard told the guys that he broke his toe and that's a horrible story. Howard said that has fucked up his life and it's just a broken toe. Howard said that's nothing compared to what these guys went through. Howard said that John would feel good about himself if he showed him his penis.
Howard said John has won $5,000 from the movie Jackass 3D. Gary said they can give the other guys $355.50 each thanks to 7-Eleven. Howard asked John what he's going to do with the money. John said that he got laid off so that money will help him out. Howard said that's a shame. John was working in electronics when he got laid off. Howard said he may have a career as a porn star. John said he didn't think so.
Howard said this was a horrible segment. He said he was sad for all of them. Howard said that John is in a bad way but he seems like a great guy. The other guys were saying that they should have slipped something to John to keep him from showing up today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a doctor and this gangrene thing can happen to anyone. He had a name for the gangrene that John had. He said that the only treatment is to remove the skin. He said it's from the bacteria MRSA. The guy said that this can come from different places and everyone could be colonized and not even know it. Howard thanked him for the call, wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and had Alec Baldwin on the phone. Alec heard the Evil David Letterman clip and said that the guy is amazing. He said it's funny that he does that sexual harassment stuff. Howard said he had another one where he calls a gay bathhouse. Alec told him to play it when he hangs up.
Howard said that Alec saw him the other night and blew right past him. Alec said Howard was being accosted by a bunch of people so he didn't want to bother him. Howard said he was going to say hello but he didn't think he wanted to say hello. He said he was just there with his wife. Alec said there were like 4 other people there with him too.
Howard asked Alec why he's calling in. Alec said he's happy that Richard Johnson is leaving Page Six. He said he was asked to give a quote to the NY Times. He said that he gave his quote and then two days later he was in Page Six and they were claiming that he was being a pain in the ass and he was having M&M's thrown at him at that movie thing they were at. Alec said he thinks they're just trying to rile him up again. He had worked things out with Richard Johnson and now they're trying to get him riled up again. He said no one even reads that paper anymore. Howard said he does.
Howard asked Alec how he patched things up with Richard. Alec said that a friend of his helped work that out. He said that the Post is part of Rupert Murdoch's empire and it's like FOX News for the newspapers. Howard said that Emily Smith is the woman who wrote up that article about Alec. He said they can ruin your life. Howard said he doesn't know this woman. Alec figured it was one of his buddies but Howard said he really doesn't know her.
Alec said that they were claiming that he was texting through the movie ''Blue Valentine'' and he wasn't. He said that everyone was riveted to that movie. He said Michelle Williams was great in the movie and he wasn't sending messages to anyone. He said he wasn't ordering from Amazon online or anything like that. He said that the Post rarely gets it right.
Howard said they've gotten stories wrong about him too. Howard told Alec about how he had just gotten divorced and he had purchased a Mercedes Benz for a stripper he had fallen in love with. Howard said that story was just untrue so he called Richard Johnson and talked to him about it. Howard said he was afraid that his kids were going to read about this and it's just not true. Howard said he told Richard that he would give him 1 million dollars if he could prove it. He said Richard backed off and said they must have made a mistake.
Howard asked Alec if he has the feeling that he'll be targeted again. Alec said he has no desire or time to read that paper.
Howard asked Alec about how his love life is doing. Alec told Howard to have the phony David Letterman call him. Howard said that must mean he's turned gay. Alec was saying he's old and he can't read in the dark and stuff. he's younger than Howard though. Alec is 52 and Howard is 56.
Howard talked to Alec about how angry he is with the government and how they are misspending the money they pay in taxes. Alec said the amount of taxes they pay isn't excessive but the problem is the way the money is being spent and wasted. Alec said one of the problems in New York City is how the people who live there are last on the list of things that need to be taken care of.
Howard asked Alec to come in the studio to do an interview. Alec said he will do it if they don't have an Evil Dave in the studio prank calling him.
Howard asked Alec about tonight's 30 Rock and why they're doing it live. Alec said they're doing it live twice. Once for the East Coast and once for the West Coast. Alec said that they used to do shows live years ago and they're going to try to have that experience and it should be fun. Howard said he has to memorize the script though. Alec said it's just 20 minutes of show since they have 10 minutes of commercials. Howard said that it is possible to screw it up. Alec said the text is very short and quick so it'll be fine. He said they made it that way on purpose.
Howard asked Alec if he has it memorized already. Alec said they rehearsed it yesterday and he's pretty much all set. Howard said he doesn't think that he could do it.
Alec said he loves that Howard and Robin become his parents. He said that Howard is saying he's going to screw up and Robin is saying that he's done Shakespeare. That led to Alec saying that his father died at 55 so he didn't get to see him be so successful.
Howard asked if Stephen is still with the religion. Alec said he is. He said he's very serious about it. Alec said there's work he won't do now because of the content. Howard said he'd do anything. Alec asked Howard to play him the fake David Letterman thing. He said he had to hear that. Howard gave him a plug for the 30 Rock special tonight. Alec said that he misses them and he will come in sometime. Alec said he'd like to listen to this Letterman thing. Howard said he would put him on hold so he can hear it. Howard said he will play him the bit and then he will pick up again and ask him about it.
Howard asked Alec if he has a woman there with him. Alec said that she's a waitress at the airport so she had to go to work. Alec said that he's 52 now so it's all over for him. He said he's not getting chicks. Howard said that he met Beth like 10 years ago so he was younger. Alec said it can get to be boring when you get that old.
Howard put Alec on hold and played him the Evil Dave prank call he was telling him about. In that call Evil Dave calls a gay bath house and asks some questions about what he can get done there.
After the call Howard said he had to see if Alec was still there. He was. Alec said that voice is unbelievable. He said that he would like to know how he does that and Dave still has him on the show. Howard said they got calls after that and Dave wanted to hear tapes of what was going on. Howard said they he heard he might be upset about it. Howard said he went on Dave's show and they asked him to bring the fake Dave with him. He said he thinks that Dave has a good sense of humor about it. Alec said he's glad that they don't have any Alec Baldwin impersonators. Howard put the word out that they're looking for one.
Howard asked Alec what he's doing today. Alec said they have to do dress rehearsals all day. He said they do it twice live and three times including the dress rehearsal.
Howard told Alec he loved the movie he did with Meryl Streep and Steve Martin. They spent a little time talking about that. Alec also talked about how great that Blue Valentine movie was. He said they also saw Black Swan and that was visually incredible. He said the story was very driving. Howard asked Alec if he's glad that he's not a young actor now and he doesn't have to go through all of that stuff again. Alec said there are things he would have done differently. He said he would like to have been more involved than he was. He said he lived in Los Angeles and he doesn't think he would have stayed there as long as he did.
Howard told Alec he's the best. Alec said that the TV show has turned out to be great. He said he loves playing the part. Alec said that he gives it everything he's got and sometimes you get an audience. Alec said that Howard has found an audience and people dig what he does. Howard said he doesn't feel successful though. Alec said he's the same way. He said he feels that Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks are successful but not him. Alec said he's happy and content doing what he does though. Alec said that those other guys make real movies.
Howard asked how long they're doing ''30 Rock.'' Alec said they have one more season and they're done. He said he's not sure if he's going to stick around if they renew it. He said he'd like to take some time off. Howard asked if he would stay if they offered him a ton of money. Alec said he's not sure. He said he'd like to take a year off and go back to school. He said he's not sure what he would like to study. Alec said he was asked to go to Harvard to do some stuff. Howard said he heard about that. Howard said Alec would be bored in 10 minutes doing that. Alec said he doesn't think so. He said he'd like to have a year to just read books and do stuff like that. Howard said he never gets bored as it is. He said he wouldn't miss a beat if he took a year off.
Howard told Alec to go rehearse now. Alec said he wants to come on the show and have the fake Dave in there. Howard said they can all go on the real Letterman show together. He let Alec go after that.
Howard tried to remember the name of the movie that Alec did with Steve Martin. Gary said it was called ''It's Complicated.''
Howard asked when the penis contest is going to be on Howard TV. Doug Goodstein said that it'll be on tomorrow night. Howard said that guy John had to go through a lot. He said he had to adjust his vision after seeing that penis. He said that it was all out of order.
Howard read an article about how some of the Tiger Woods mistresses are fighting. He read some quotes from TMZ where they talk about their fight and what they've been saying to each other. Howard said it sounds like they hate each other. He said it's turned into a whole subculture. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the song Fred was playing. It was the cover they did when they were in the studio. Howard said he saw a bunch of black people in the lobby that day they were on. Gary said it was some big gospel thing they were doing on the gospel channel there. Howard said there was a really beautiful woman there that day but he blew her off to teach her a lesson. There was also a hot blonde there. He said he saw her out on the street too. Howard said he said hi to her when she said hi to him. Howard said he didn't know who she was though.
Gary said he ran into Marlo Thomas there the other day. She has a book out. Howard said he'd like to meet her. Gary said he saw her being interviewed and she was calling that all comedians are happy. Howard said it sounds like a book full of knowledge.
Howard said that someone has to tell Tim Sabean that he's not thin anymore. He said his cock is showing in those tight pants. Tim was in Gary's office saying that his penis isn't hanging out. Gary said it really is. Howard had Tim come in so Robin could see. Robin said ''Oh my god'' when she came in. Howard told Tim he can't wear pants like that anymore. Tim asked why. Howard said he loves him like a brother but he has to stop with the tight jeans.
Howard asked Mike if he gets a million for doing his column. Mike said he doesn't talk about that stuff. Howard said he must be doing pretty good. Mike didn't say a word. Mike changed subjects and said he loves Canter's deli in L.A. and it's really something special. He said he was in there the other night and he started hearing ''Baba Boo Hi'' and ''Fafa Foohi'' and things like that. Howard said he does that right back when people say it to him. Mike said he doesn't know how to respond. He said that people really keep up with the show and they always tell him what they've heard on the show. Mike asked where Stuttering John is now. Howard said he still works for Leno as far as he knows. Mike said he heard that John was working at Ha Ha's comedy club. He said it's a tiny club out in the Valley and he heard it kind of sucks from some of these comedians he was talking to. Mike said he heard from a guy who worked with John at Ha Ha's and the guy said John sucked. Mike said that one woman told him to tell Robin that she has a ''sister'' out there. then she told him that sister means a black girl like he wouldn't know that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that Sam Simon is going to be receiving an award from the ASPCA. He will be getting that award there in New York. Howard said that Sam deserves it.
Steve said that George Takei will be on the Big Bang Theory tonight. He said that today is also the anniversary of Howard's big book signing at Barnes and Nobel in 1993. Howard remembered that day and how crazy things got. Howard said they had thousands of people show up for that book signing. He said the cops didn't know what to expect and it was pandemonium in the streets. Robin thought Howard had the story wrong but Ronnie and Gary backed up what Howard was saying. Howard said he had fun but it was a little scary too.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking about Beth going out last night and how they had made love in the afternoon. Howard said he had shut the bedroom doors around 9:30 last night thinking Beth wasn't going to be home. Howard said she thought he was mad at her for going out. Howard said he was a little upset. He said that she was extra loving to him during the afternoon so he asked if she wanted some ''afternoon delights.'' Howard said they did that and then went out to dinner. Robin was surprised he was going out to dinner on a week night. Howard said he was home by 7:15 so they weren't out very late. Howard said he took her to Nobu and they were at the waiter's staff meeting because they were so early.
Howard also talked about Tim Sabean's jeans and how they're too tight. Howard said Tim refuses to buy bigger clothes because he can't accept that he's gained weight.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they had a very guest heavy week so they have a lot to talk about tonight. They're going to talk about the David Arquette call and the penis injury contest and more. Howard said that every fan must see that show on Howard TV. Mutt said he wasn't sure he would watch it. Robin said that he has to see it. Howard said he must watch it because he's never seen anything like this.
Jeff the Drunk called in to tell Howard that he's just as important as he's ever been. He said his threats to quit made him call in. Howard said he's still trying to figure all of that out. Howard returned the compliment by telling Jeff that he's just as unimportant as he's ever been. Howard said he does like Jeff though. Howard said he has to get Jeff a copy of that penis show. He said he has the same backside as Jeff does. Howard said he figured Jeff was going to ask him for money today but he wasn't asking. Howard asked Jeff if his brother is still living there. Jeff said that his stuff is there but his brother is out.
Robin got to her news and read about a documentary that's on tonight. It's about two people with Down Syndrome who are getting married. Howard said he's been watching the Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna reality show. He said that's pretty funny because Lisa was lecturing her kids on how bad plastic surgery is while her big, fake lips are flapping around. He said they look like two pieces of liver and she's lecturing them about plastic surgery.
Robin read about the retarded reality show and Howard said he would teach his retarded kids that you have sex in the butt to make sure they don't get pregnant. Robin said that they could get it wrong and figure it out if they had sex in the right place. Howard said he'd teach them that Freddy Kruger lives in that one.
Robin read about a guy who is starring in Wicked and Xanadu who is demanding that Twitter tell him who has been posting things about him on some web site via Twitter. Robin said the person claimed that someone got crabs from him. Robin said that the guy claims he's never had any STDs. Howard said that's why he had to take down the Howard Stern Message Board. He said they had millions of people on there but he didn't know what people were posting there.
Robin read about Katy Perry and Russell Brand's upcoming wedding and how it may be in India. Howard said he would rather go to Atlantic City. Howard said they have to bring people somewhere great, not India. Robin said that there are some nice places in India. You have to find them though. Howard said he wouldn't want to have to fly there. Robin said you have to fly to London and then to India so it's all night. Howard said they should save their money for the lean years. He said they don't have to make it that special. Robin said they're probably thinking they're just going to do it once. Howard said they'll be doing it more than once. They spent a few minutes talking about stars like that who get married. Howard said it's very hard to keep it going. He said that Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick have beaten the odds with their marriage.
Robin read about how Gavin Rossdale has admitted that he had sex with this transsexual Marilyn. Howard said that it turns out he had some kind of affair with that man who looked like a woman. Robin said that Gavin has said that he was ''experimenting'' back then. Howard said that dude Marilyn looked pretty good for a dude. Robin said that he looked better than a lot of women. Robin read about the Details Magazine interview where Rossdale admitted it and said that they should just move on. He said he was just 17 at the time. Howard said he gets the feeling that Gwen Stefani is up for just about anything and she wouldn't mind it if they had another guy in bed and he stuck it in Gavin's ass. Howard said artists love to experiment.
Robin read a story about Dane Cook's half brother who is going to jail for embezzling millions from Dane. Robin said that Dane talked about that when he was in there. Howard said it's great that he went to the cops and turned his brother in. Robin said he once forged a $3 million check to himself. Howard said the guy is probably pissed that Dane went to the cops. Robin said the guy's wife has pleaded not guilty in the case. Howard wondered how he had access to the money. Gary said his brother was working for him as an accountant.
Robin read about the David Arquette call to their show and how people are twisting the story around. Robin said that David is now apologizing and she doesn't feel that's right. Robin said he was on his Twitter account saying he may have shared too much in that interview. Robin said he doesn't have to apologize.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone and he wanted to dedicate a song to David Arquette. Howard didn't get what the song meant though. Howard wondered how long it was going to go on. Robin said that it could go on all day long. Howard asked how it was a dedication to David. Sour didn't answer. He just went into another song. Howard said he has no idea what he's doing. He said he's usually brilliant. Sour just kept playing the song. Howard said he didn't understand his comedy today. Sour wasn't listening so Howard hung up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he envies his Private Parts movie. He said he's one of the greatest of all time too. Howard said the movie must be all over the place now. He said he got a residual check for 36 whole cents the other day. Howard said it's almost like a revival of some kind. Howard said he tried to watch it again and he couldn't. Robin said she watched some of it to the end. She hasn't been able to sit through it in a long time but she did watch most of it.
Howard said Sour Shoes is doing a live show on Monday night. He took a call from Ralph who said David Arquette did the right thing. He said that he was reading some headlines in a magazine and he sees that and you think he's cheating. If he hadn't come on the air then he wouldn't know the whole story. Howard went over that whole thing again and said that it's disgraceful what the media did with that story. Ralph also got in a plug for this weekend's Geektime. The show is now 3 hours long and airs from 2-5 on Saturday afternoon. All new this week on Howard 101.
Robin got back to her news and read about Carl Paladino's latest comments. Howard said that if he had just kept his mouth shut then he may have had a chance against Cuomo. Howard said the guy had to come out against gay people and now there's a backlash. Howard said the guy is a hypocrite because he claims to be against abortion but he rents out space to an abortion clinic. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Robin read a story about Sal Marchiano who was fired from WPIX. He claims he's discriminated against because of his age so he's suing. Howard said that TV is based on looks, trends, popularity and more. He said there is no merit to his case. Howard said there are plenty of old people on TV who work and not all of them make it. Howard said if they want a pretty young woman to do his job then you have to just walk away. Robin said the guy is 69 and he left the station in 2008 when they didn't renew his contract.
Robin read about a former male SWAT team member who is a transgender is suing the LPGA for not allowing ''her'' to join. Howard said that he'd throw that case out too. He said it's ridiculous to ask to be in the LPGA when you were a man. Robin said that she's legally female now though.
Robin read that some people in Chelsea thought they were seeing a UFOs yesterday. Howard said he saw the pictures and he knew they were just weather balloons. Robin said dozens of people saw the objects and thought they were aliens. Howard said they should have all been locked up.
Robin asked Howard if his heart was warmed seeing all of the miners come out of the mine in Chile. Howard said he hated it. He said they dragged it out too long. They took forever and they had every news channel covering the same stuff. Howard said they should have cut it down and just made it a 5 minute segment. Robin read about the celebration that was going on around that rescue effort yesterday. Robin said there were people in New York who were celebrating. Robin had Howard play some audio clips of some of those people talking about it. Howard said his daughter Debra lived in Chile for a year. He said she loved it. She has many Chilean friends. Howard said he was impressed that his kid picked up on the language the way she did. He said it floors him that she picked up on it so well.
Robin read a story about a former astronaut who said he knows what it's like for the miners being confined so long. He was confined and he knows that they'll need space and time to get used to being on the surface again. The guy is also saying that some of the guys may be accepted by the media more than others.
Robin read about a debate in Delaware that took place yesterday. Christine O'Donnell and Chris Koonz were in that. Howard said that Christine is a nut. He said that they asked her about evolution and she thinks that it's a local issue. He said that logic is crazy. Howard said you can't have local issues like that. He said that it's some kind of slogan that the Tea Party people have where they say everything should be a local issue. Howard said sometimes we have to have the government intervene. Howard said he likes progress but these religious nuts want to take it away from us. Howard said they're trying to stop Stem Cell research but they're just starting to get feeling back into paraplegic's legs with that kind of work. Howard said this Christine O'Donnell is a lunatic. Howard said he can't imagine this nut running a school system.
Howard said Christine O'Donnell had one question she wasn't able to answer. JD had that clip available to listen to. Howard played the clip and O'Donnell was asked about what issues on the Supreme Court bothers her. She wasn't able to give an answer. She was asking for a specific question. She said she would put it up on her web site. Howard said she's a moron and she's embarrassed that she can't answer. O'Donnell said she disagrees with many decisions and did come up with a couple. Howard said it sounded to him like she didn't know one issue. He played a clip of her talking about evolution and how it should be a local issue. Robin had some other clips of O'Donnell talking about other things too.
Gary came in and said that Jillian Barberie was just on her show arguing with Dorothy Lucy about the David Arquette thing. He said they could save it for Monday. Howard said he should listen now. Gary said it wasn't a huge argument but Jillian is definitely pissed. Howard played the clip and Dorothy brought up David's tweets where he apologized. Jillian and Dorothy ended up arguing about what his reasons were for apologizing. They went back and forth arguing and talking over one another. Jillian said she heard the whole interview and they didn't so she was right. Howard said Jillian defends him all the time. He said he really should have banged her when he had the chance. Robin said that he robbed them all by not doing that. Howard said he thinks he could have rocked her world. He said he thinks that just whipping off her panties and touching her neck would make her cum. Fred said he doesn't think he'd have to touch her at all.
Robin read a story about how Hispanics live longer here than anyone else. She said that they outlive blacks by 8 years according to this study. Robin said that they have a 35 percent lower percent of death from heart disease than others.
Ralph called in and said that Howard should have banged Jillian when she was like 20. He said she used to stalk him and she was so cute back then. Howard was married at the time. Ralph said she showed up to one of the first shows they did in L.A.
Robin read about a story about how Starbucks is planning a slowdown because the customers have been complaining that they're losing their artful beverages. They're hoping for less mistakes and faster service. Howard said Beth drinks that stuff and they have to wait forever. He said maybe quality was affected but he's not sure.
Robin read about the new movie ''Red'' that's coming out and had some clips of John Malkovich talking about his role in the movie. Robin had some audio of Hillary Swank talking about her new movie ''Conviction.'' Robin also had a clip of Bam Margera talking about working on ''Jackass 3D.'' Robin also mentioned that 30 Rock will be live tonight and had some audio of Alec Baldwin talking about that. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.
Jon ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today. He mentioned Jillian Barberie and how big of a fan she is. Gary said she talks about the show on and off the air. He said that's how into the show she is. Jon said that Howard really regrets not banging Jillian. Gary said she would do anything for him.
Jon mentioned Sarah Butler coming in today. Gary said Sal came into his office and told him that he saw the Little Mermaid at Disney and he did the fingers over his mouth with his tongue through it to her. Jon said Sal is some dad. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that they'll see Sarah Butler again. Gary said he thinks they'll see her at least one more time. He said if she gets the lead in a huge movie she knows she owes them at least one more shot.
Jon wanted to start off talking about Steve-O. Gary said that Steve looked great today. He said he was so skinny when he was doing drugs. Gary said he was on an email list that Steve was putting out and some of the stuff he was saying was pretty crazy. He said he's still the same guy but he's sober now. Jon said he had to prove just how crazy he still is too. He said he got a note from his manager about him setting his head on fire and Gary told him that probably wouldn't happen. Gary said he didn't know whether or not to tackle Steve when he was preparing the stunt. He said he never seems prepared to do the stunts there. He said he just pulled out 3 bottles of isopropyl alcohol from his bad that he just bought.
Jon played a clip of Steve doing the stunt. After that clip Gary said he used the fire extinguisher and it's all over the place in there. He said he didn't spray it that much but the stuff is everywhere. He said it smelled like singed hair and skin in the studio after that too. Jon said they smelled it back there in the office too. Gary said that they had to use the fire extinguisher and he was afraid he'd have to break the seal. Tim Sabean told him not to break it if he didn't have to. Gary said he had to break the seal as soon as he saw what Steve was doing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the fire department is going to be upset about what went on in there. Gary said he doesn't think they will. They didn't set off the alarms. If they had then they would have had a lot of explaining to do.
Another caller said he though today was a rerun because Steve was acting so wild. The caller asked if Steve looked okay after all of that. Gary said he did appear to be fine. He also claims that he's a pro so he knows what he's doing. Gary said the fire stuff makes him very nervous. He said he likes it better when he does other stuff like having an 8 ball thrown at his head. He said he stapled his ball to his leg once too. That's the stuff he'd rather have him do.
Jon asked how serious Steve is talking his sobriety. Gary said it's being taken very serious from what he can tell. He said that Steve won't even be around the drinking anymore. He saw that first hand at a party they had after a screening.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve-O once lit up a blunt or something on the show. Gary didn't remember that happening. His phone connection broke up too so they had to let him go.
Another caller asked how Howard could bang Jillian and expect her to be such a big supporter after they broke up. He said she wouldn't even be a fan anymore if they had broken up. Gary said maybe he could have banged her so good that she'd be the same she is now. The guy said it's not the banging but she's crazy and she wouldn't stay with Howard.
The caller asked the guys what they thought about Aaron from Staind saying that he got a knife into the studio. He asked if there was anymore discussion about that. Gary said they don't usually search guests like that when they come in. If Alec Baldwin came in carrying a gun and he had a gun permit, he's not sure they'd search him.
Another caller said that Jillian Barberie is hot. He said he'd really like to see her boobs. They said she really is good looking but she is married. They weren't sure if she had ever done any Playboy stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to John and taking a look at his testicle and penis. After the clip Jon said that all started as a pimple on his ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone got sick when they were listening to that segment. Gary said he was getting that tingling feeling in his balls hearing that story. The caller also asked when Gary is going to be on Letterman. Gary said that will be on the 25th of this month. Gary just got the book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' in its final form.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he has some penis problems but he can't imagine what that guy is going through. He also asked if Danny Trejo is on their radar at all to come in. Gary said he's really not. Gary said that they call him ''That guy'' since they don't usually know his name.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why that John guy kept his nuts. Gary said he's not sure why he kept them. The caller said that the bit was good and he was actually called about coming in. He had an injury himself. He got shot in the penis with a pellet gun and it got stuck in there. The caller said that the other gun shot guy was much worse than him.
Gary said they had one guy who was surf boarding and he got his scrotum ripped open by a surfboard. He said he's all healed up and living a normal life now though.
Jon said the segment was depressing but also entertaining. Gary said he was voting for the second guy at first. He said that the first guy got drunk so he kind of brought that on himself.
Another caller asked if they could put a picture of Tim up on the web site. Gary told Jason to get on that. The caller also said that they're crazy for having that penis injury contest. Gary said that means they might have to do it again.
Jon asked Gary about a reference he made to the movie ''Coming Home'' with John Voight. Gary said the movie was out in the late 70s and he was a paraplegic and he meets Jane Fonda and he can't really do anything sexually other than going down on her. He was comparing that to John because John said he didn't do anything with his wife. He wondered why he didn't at least try to bring some joy to his wife.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he liked the Alec Baldwin call today. He asked if Howard would ever do a political show because he's more to the middle than people think. He said he doesn't agree with Alec's political views. Gary said he's not sure Howard would want to do a political show. He said he thinks he likes doing the show the way he does. Gary said people think that Howard is liberal but he's also conservative on some things.
Jon brought up how funny Alec thought that Evil Dave prank call was. Gary said he was very amused by that prank call because he had no idea it was a fake Dave.
Gary said he got a call late in the afternoon yesterday about the Alec Baldwin call. He said he told Howard they had to fit it into the show. Gary said he was on his way home when he got the call from Alec himself. Gary said he had his son in the car and he didn't tell Alec that he was in there. He said he had to have him on speaker phone and he had to tell his son not to say anything about what he heard. Gary said Alec ended up cursing so it was kind of funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Alec dissing Howard at the movie thing the other day. They did discuss it but the caller missed it. He also asked why Will Arnett wasn't on the Celebrity Superfan show. Gary said Will is in New York and the show was out in L.A.
Another caller said he wasn't sure if he should throw up or laugh during that penis contest. Another caller said he's proud of Gary and his book. He said he can't wait to read it. He said Howard sometimes turns into a puss when Steve-O is on the show. He asked if he's really that concerned. Gary said he really is concerned. Gary said they knew Steve was going to do something but they thought it was just going to be setting his head on fire. Gary said he wanted Steve to stop but not to the point where they'd have to tackle him. Gary said Howard would have been fine with him not doing the stunt so he told him he could stop. Steve wanted to do it and he wasn't going to stop.
The caller said Howard was really freaking out about it. Gary said he was freaking out too. He said he didn't know where the flames were going to go and it really could have turned into a big thing. Steve Brandano asked if they have ever had a fire like that before. Gary said they had a cigarette in a waste basket once but that was a quick thing.
The caller said he'd like to never hear Ralph on the show again. Gary said Howard spends time with Ralph and Howard thinks he's interesting so he puts him on.
Jon said he only takes calls from Ralph because he's a good caller. He had Ralph on the line a second later. Ralph said he's not going to leave Geektimne for this guy. Ralph said it's okay if he doesn't like him. Ralph said that Howard picks up on him because he's an interesting caller. The caller, Chris, said that Ralph is probably a good friend to Howard but he doesn't dig him. Ralph said that not everyone likes everything on the show and that's fine. Ralph said that he'd stop calling in if every fan sent him a dollar. Chris said he turns off the show when Ralph calls in and he misses a good part of the show because of that. Ralph said he's not on for long when he calls in most of the time. Ralph told the guy that it really doesn't matter what he thinks. He said he's spending too much time thinking about him.
Ralph and Chris went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. Ralph said he hears people on the show who he doesn't like too. He said he'll zone out once in a while too. Chris was complaining about the way Howard gives Ralph stuff that he doesn't want and that drives him crazy too. Ralph wondered what the problem is there. He said he's giving stuff to his friend.
Gary asked Ralph who he hates on the show. Ralph said that Greg Fitzsimmons is one. He said that he has to tune out when he hears him. Ralph said when he listens to Greg ''...I understand why people don't like me.'' Jon and Gary found that pretty funny. Jon said that might be the funniest thing he's ever said. Ralph got in a plug for the new Geektime that's on from 2-5pm on Saturday on Howard 101. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.