|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
The clip started off with Howard and Robin talking about how busy their show was. Howard had some faxes to read to Robin and the show was flying by. Howard read a fax from someone who saw Gary out at a movie screening one night. Howard said he really needs a supervisor for Gary because he's always out doing things that don't have to do with the show.
Gary came in and tried to defend himself. He said that the movie screening was pretty early so he didn't think it was a big deal. Gary said that he stays at work until about 5 or 6 on many nights and he works plenty. Howard and Robin said that they don't go out as much as Gary does. Gary said he does a lot for the show. Howard said he does what's necessary to keep his job. Gary said that's a lie.
Howard read the fax where the guy told him about how Gary had used his pull to get better seats. Howard asked if that was true. Gary said he did do that. He said the guy knew him from the show because of Howard. He said the guy recognized him when he came in. He told Howard that he asked if he had better tickets and the guy said he did and hooked him up.
Howard asked why Gary thinks he is media. Gary said he is media in a way. Howard said Gary thinks that he's a big star and that's why he's getting these better seats. Howard said that Gary isn't really media. He's a meteor because he's gained so much weight. He thanked Gary for coming in and kicked him out.
Howard said he wants a list of everywhere that Gary goes and uses his name to get in. Gary said he would do that. Howard said he wants to know every time he uses his name in that way. Gary said that everything he does has to do with the show.
Howard told Gary he wants to know every detail about any time he uses his name to get tickets anywhere. Gary said he did that for a show he's going to see in a couple of months. Gary said he did have Peggy call for him to get the tickets. Howard said he wants to be aware of any time he uses his name.
Howard told Gary to get out of there. He said that Gary had told him not to bad mouth the movie ''Sliver'' until Monday. Howard said he wanted to know why he did that. Gary said he had a reason but Howard didn't let him tell him what it was.
Howard said he's very uncomfortable with him using his name like this. Gary gave him a hard time about all of that and left the studio.
Howard asked Jackie if Gary is taking lessons from him in glomming from the show. He said Gary is just like Jackie with this stuff. Howard said it's unbelievable. He said Gary is giving him a hard time about letting him know when he's glomming.
Howard said this is the kind of stuff that's going to get them into trouble because they're going to owe favors to people that he won't even know about. Howard said he must be known as the biggest glom king out there.
Gary said he wants to talk to Howard about this off the air. Howard said if he does that he's going to end up firing him. He said that he shouldn't want to talk to him off the air about this. It's going to be much worse if they do it off the air.
Howard told Gary that he's fired. Gary said he wanted him to turn off the microphone and tell him he's fired. Howard said he's his boss and he doesn't have to fire him the way he wants him to. He told him not to back him up against a wall.
Howard and Gary went back and forth arguing for a few minutes. Howard said there is no gray area with this stuff and he has told him what he wants. He said the only gray area there is Gary's gums. Howard told Gary to repeat after him but he didn't do it. Fred did his impression of Gary and repeated after Howard instead.
Gary asked Robin if she ever gets free tickets. Howard told Gary that Robin is different because she's on the show. He said that Gary is the producer of the show. He said he shouldn't have to explain the difference to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to apply for Gary's job. The guy told Howard about his qualifications and Howard thought he was more qualified. Howard told him to send over his resume and he'd look at it.
Robin told Gary that she doesn't ever call anyone asking for tickets. Sometimes people will call her and ask her if she wants tickets to go somewhere and that's when she'll decide if she wants to use them or not.
Howard cut Gary's microphone off and told him he's filibustering too much. Howard told him to be more like Fred. He said that Fred is uncomfortable even taking his pay check. They ended the argument a short time later and went to break.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about the stock market. That led to Howard asking Stuttering John to come in and explain to them some stuff about the stock market. John came in and told Howard about how the tech stocks were doing well and why he thought that was. Howard didn't like the way John was explaining it so he just moved on to talk about the Yankees instead. He and John talked about that for a short time. Howard asked John if he was going to stay in the stock market. John said of course he is.
Gary came in and told Howard that it's just a down time for the stock market and it's not like it's going to be down for a long time.
Gary said he hears John on the phone all the time talking to Sal the Stockbroker about stocks. John said it's just when Sal calls in and he asks him about what's going on. Gary said that he hears it just about every day. He said that he heard him calling Sal the other day. John said he wasn't calling him and pointed out that Gary calls Sal about the stocks too. Gary said he calls Sal back when he calls him and it's not about stocks.
Gary and John went back and forth accusing each other of calling Sal about stocks. John said that he and Sal are working on something and he doesn't want to spoil it.
Howard tried to stop the fight but John kept it going. He said that he didn't even want to come in there. Howard said he didn't want him to try and get that last word in there. John kept going and said that Gary was the one who attacked him.
John and Gary kept going back and forth even though Howard told them to stop. He said the show is over and he was already into Julie Slater's show. He had to end it. Howard told them to get out. John and Gary were still going at each other as they ended it.
The Name Game. 5-23-96. Early this morning a caller asked Howard what his middle name was. Of course this led to finding out everyone's middle name. Howard's middle name is Alan. Jackie is Kogar or something like that and Gary's is Patrick. Now comes the really weird story. Howard asked Fred what his middle name was. He told Howard that it's Fred. ''...so it's Fred Fred?'' Howard said to Fred. Nope not quite. Fred explained that his middle name used to be Leo up until about 2 years ago when he legally changed his name to Eric Fred Norris. Howard questioned him as to why he didn't just change the middle name. He said that he has never really liked the name Fred and he liked the way Eric looked on a credit card(he was kidding). Howard wanted to know if Fred wanted to be called Eric from now on. Fred doesn't think that will happen so for now it's still Fred. But for the rest of the morning Howard tried to call him Eric. I figured that it was just a Martian tradition to change names every 40 years or so. So I faxed a little letter in and Robin read it on the air along with a bunch of others. It went something like this: Howard, What Eric (Fred) isn't telling you about his name change is that it's a Martian tradition! Every 40 years or so Martians are supposed to rotate names. me="07032003">
Robin Freaks Out On Stuttering John. 7/3/03. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Mark Harris taking a buttermilk bath with his gay boyfriend, ''Roman Polansky Day Care Dating Service'' comedy bit, Train performs ''Drops of Jupiter'' live in the studio.
Howard said Beetlejuice would be stopping by later in the morning. They also have the ''It's Just Wrong'' game and model Estelle Reyna coming in as well. He took the first phone call of the morning and there was a guy who thought Howard was holding John back from going on a trip to Amsterdam during their vacation. Howard said he heard that John and Robin got into an argument out in the hall yesterday for some reason. Robin was saying that John is a really scummy person because the whole Amsterdam trip came out of a meeting between John, Gary and some guys from Heineken beer. John was supposed to go but he backed out recently and decided not to go. Robin took his place because the Heineken people needed someone to take his spot. Gary and Robin were supposed to go there during their vacation. Robin said she wasn't planning to go and she sure didn't want to be ridiculed about it by John. John was in the studio and said he wasn't ridiculing her but Robin said he was giving her a hard time about the itinerary she had. Robin said it's a very busy quick vacation and she was upset that John was making fun of that. Robin went off on John for backing out of the vacation and then goofed on her. John was explaining his side of the story but Howard thought he was changing it from what he'd heard earlier. Robin was completely freaked out by the whole thing so John told her she may need to go back to therapy. Stuttering John says that he has never received anything for saying how much he likes Heineken on the air. That apparently came up in their argument off the air so they brought it up again during this little fight. John said he'd like to get a little something from them but he isn't demanding it. The two of them continued to argue with one another for quite a while. Robin was really pissed at him and told him to stay out of her face. She said she can't stand how ''dense'' he is. She claims that she kept her mouth shut about the whole thing until he started goofing on her. She said that really upset her. Howard tried explaining to John why this was coming back to him and how upset Robin was with him about goofing on her after he backed out of the trip. Robin said he was goofing on her off the air which is what really upset her. If it was on the air it may have been less of a problem. Howard said the whole trip came about because of a meeting that John was involved with. He told John that Robin didn't want to be goofed on about a trip that she's going on because he backed out of it. John said it was funny to him and he's not going to stop laughing at something he finds funny. He was also saying stuff about how Robin needs to go to therapy over this but Howard and Robin said that he's got plenty of problems himself. Howard and Robin tried to get through to John about how he kind of screwed things up with Heineken even though he went through the right channels to cancel his part of it. John said his wife decided she didn't want to go on the trip and then he decided not to go. Once again Howard tried to explain to John how the whole trip came about because of that meeting he had with Gary and the Heineken people. Then he goofed on Robin off the air and it ate away at her until she finally exploded and went off on him.
Howard let a few people call in and yell at John and/or Robin. One guy said the argument was the longest Heineken commercial he'd ever heard. Other guys complained about John and the way he acts on the show. One guy offered to come down and just punch John in the face for Howard. Someone said this fight was better than the fireworks display he'd seen the night before. One guy said that Robin could use about 6 months of anger management. A bunch of other guys called in and picked their sides. Some thought Robin was nuts and some thought John was nuts. One guy felt that Artie was being left out of the whole thing so he mentioned his name.
Howard found out that Robin wasn't all that thrilled to be going on this trip. She said that she was basically doing it because she felt it was good for their relationship with a major sponsor of the show. Stuttering John said that he helps the station out doing appearances for the station and sponsors. Gary heard that and told Howard that he hasn't done anything ''for free'' because what he was talking about was something he was doing as an employee of the station so he was getting paid to do it. He has a lunchtime show and he's doing this ''free'' appearance for that show. John said he has done free stuff though and told them about what those things were. He said he did a golf thing one time and the only payment he got was a couple of beers. Howard had to wrap up the 40 minutes of arguing but there were still people calling in and giving them even more stuff to talk about. He took a couple more phone calls and then went to break. John just wouldn't let it go though and continued to say that he was going to be laughing at Robin while she's on that vacation to Amsterdam while he's sitting next to his pool.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about something that Stuttering John and Mike Gange were going to do to Jackie at a gig he was appearing at. Gange was going to have a hidden camera there but Jackie saw him in the bathroom before the show started.
Mike Gange said the club was very open so it was hard to hide in there. Gange said John showed up late so he had to set up the whole thing himself. He said that Jackie was walking around the club and he wasn't able to hide. Jackie said he saw Mike from across the club with his back to him. He recognized him.
Jackie talked about how Mike wasn't hidden at all in the club. He just turned his back to him and it was no problem picking him out of the crowd.
Stuttering John said he got there 15 minutes before the show and told the whole club not to laugh. He said that Gange was there way before him and he didn't do anything to tell the people not to laugh. John said that Gange wasn't telling anyone what to do and he had tons of time to do it. Howard said that's because Gange is lazy.
Howard told Mike that he's lazy and that's why this didn't work. Gange said that's not what the problem was. He was trying to hide his camera and he had to find a place to hide and it wasn't that easy. Howard told Gange he did a good job.
John said he got there 15 minutes earlier than Jackie went on stage and he was able to get things going. Howard asked Mike why he wasn't going to be able to make it work without John. Mike said he was in the process of setting it up. Jackie said that Mike is lazy. Howard kept telling Mike he's lazy too.
Stuttering John said that Mike was in the middle of the club setting the white balance on his camera. He was in the middle of the club doing this. He said that Jackie could have shown up right then. Howard told Gange he could have white balanced anywhere in the place and he didn't have to do it in the middle of the club.
Howard said if he was going to do something like this he would have found a way to hide from Jackie. He said that Gange is no longer going to be part of these things. He said he has to be there where he can keep an eye on him.
Howard asked a caller, who was at the club, what was going on with John and Gange. The caller confirmed that John was there and told everyone in the club not to laugh. Howard asked Gange why he was standing in the club when Jackie showed up. Gange didn't get the chance to answer.
Jackie said that he had a bone to pick with Stuttering John too. John said Jackie wanted to talk to him and he brought him outside so he could give Gange the chance to set up in the club. The caller said he was standing right across from the stage in the brightest part of the club. Gange said that's not true.
Howard said Gange should have hidden in his car until Jackie went on. He said any monkey could have stood there with a camera and Mike had to go in and white balance and all of that.
Stuttering John and Jackie were goofing on Gange the way he was doing everything. Jackie said he knew it was Gange and he was right in the middle of an aisle so there was no way he could have missed him. Howard told Gange that was another job well done.
Gary came in and said that they have a guy on the phone saying that Gange was passing notes to all of the tables that the joke was off. Howard got the caller on the line and the guy said that he got a note that told them to pass it along that the joke was off. Jackie said the whole thing was weird.
Howard said Gange is slow and he doesn't think on his feet. He said that's why this didn't work. They wrapped up a short time later.
Howard Talks About Racing? 2/26/01. 9:00am
Howard said after the death of Dale Earnhardt last week he thought that someone really important had died. He had no idea how popular NASCAR racing was and he still doesn't understand why people want to watch cars going around in circles. Robin said she didn't know what NASCAR was until this guy died.
Ronnie the limo driver is a big fan and he was one of the people who got upset over the guy's death. He and Scott the Engineer are in a fantasy racing league together so they actually socialize together through that. Ronnie has a theory that Scott the Engineer's bad luck is what actually killed Dale Earnhardt.
Howard went on to goof on Ronnie about how much he hates driving the limo. He said that Ronnie hates driving but he's always reading and watching shows about racing. He goofed on him about that for a while. He also brought up the new limo Ronnie bought just for him. Howard said that he uses a phone in the limo all the time but the new car has a phone in a place that he can't reach it. He spent some time yelling at Ronnie about that whole thing too.
Someone also let Howard know that Ronnie has a credit card with NASCAR driver Ernie Irvan on it. Another thing for Howard and the rest of the crew to goof on him about. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that Ronnie is going to a driving school this summer... goofed on again. Ronnie said he might be going to a Winston Cup school but he hasn't made reservations yet.
Gary joined in on the conversation about Dale Earnhardt also. Gary doesn't understand the whole racing thing either. He asked Ronnie how a driver can make the difference when all of the cars are so close in performance. Ronnie explained that the driver can tell the team how to set the car up for the track and stuff like that. Ronnie went on to explain how Earnhardt was trying to help his own team by blocking others from getting ahead in the race when he lost his life.
Robin made a comment about how race car drivers aren't athletes. That brought up a whole discussion about that whole subject. Howard agreed with Robin that they're not athletes so Ronnie tried to argue that they are but everyone was ganging up on him. A phone caller asked Howard why he has to bash everything he doesn't like. Howard didn't say why he does that he just said that race car drivers just aren't athletes.
Howard was trying to go to take a break but he made the mistake of asking Ronnie if he was upset when Earnhardt hit the wall. Ronnie said he was kind of broken up over it. He was more upset when Ernie Irvan hit the wall a few years ago. Ronnie went on to tell everyone about what happens to these guys when they hit the wall going 180 mph. Everyone was still goofing on him though. Earlier in the conversation Ronnie had mentioned that he has a racing slick from Daytona that he got for $30. Ralph called in and made fun of him for that even though he collects dolls.. or action figures. Ronnie kept telling everyone that he's not ashamed of any of this stuff.
In the clip we heard Howard getting ready to do a bit he wanted to do that day but he wasn't able to find the audio clips that he was supposed to have. Gary came in and told him that they were still working on them and he had told Howard that earlier. Instead of doing that Gary said that he would perform a song parody that he was going to do that day anyway.
Gary got ready to do his song and Howard told Scott to get his tapes in there. Howard tried to find Gary's music but he wasn't able to make that happen either. Howard said he wants to fire people there. He wanted to fire Scott the Engineer and maybe even Gary. Scott came in and told Howard he quit. Howard said that's great. Howard said that he's going to hire someone else to take his spot.
Stuttering John came in and said that Scott was flipping out on Gange because the tape had broken. Howard said that he was in the middle of a show without a production number. Howard said he was looking for a really tight show today.
Howard finally got the music for Gary but then there wasn't enough leader tape on it. Howard asked Gary to fix it for him. He said he needed someone who could do that job correctly. Howard said the problem is that no one has ever worked for a ball buster. He said he has to become one so he can get these guys in line. Howard said his nickname is going to be ''prick'' from now on.
After a fast forward we heard Gary telling Howard they had tape of Scott the Engineer freaking out in the hall. Howard said this was good stuff and he had to interrupt the news to play the clip. Gary said that Scott quit during this clip. Howard said this is stupid because Scott was out there yelling about how Howard can't fire anyone. Scott was upset that he was being yelled at and didn't know why it was happening. Gary told him that he had played a tape that had Imus on in the middle of it. Scott just says ''Oh'' and walks away.
Howard played the audio of what Gange got on tape. Scott kept yelling at him to shut the camera off. Gange didn't do it and just followed him around. Then Tom Chiusano came in and told Gange to back off. Howard said he wants Tom to act like he's not there. He said he wants Tom fired and out of his life too.
Tom came in and said that he didn't want Gange to get slugged. Howard said that wouldn't have happened and he doesn't care what he thinks. He said he wants them to work things out on their own.
Howard wanted Scott to come in there but Gary said that he was a big baby and he wasn't going to come in. Howard told Robin to go get him instead.
Howard sadi that Robin will get him down there. He figured he'd be down there pretty quick. He set the clock to find out how long it would take her to get him in there. About 30 seconds later Scott came into the studio. HOward said Robin is good.
Howard asked Scott if he was insane. Scott said he was just tryhing ot get on TV by doing that. They spent a litlte more time fighting befofre they had to break.
Robin And Jackie Finally Sort Things Out. 4/2/98. 7:50am
As you probably know Robin hasn't been speaking to Jackie since he came back on the show. No one knew the exact reason for them not talking, not even Jackie! People thought it had something to do with Jackie being off the show for 6 weeks during his contract negotiations. Well it all came out today when Howard asked Robin to spill it. Jackie was really moping around this morning because he didn't know why Robin was ignoring him. It turns out that it's Howard's fault! Howard said something to Robin just before Jackie returned. He told her something about not being too hard on Jackie when he comes back and Robin took it the wrong way. She figured that Jackie told Howard to tell her that so she wouldn't make fun of him upon his return. Robin then decided that she just wouldn't talk to him at all to teach him a lesson. So for about 2 months Robin didn't talk to him or tell him why. When Howard told her that he must have given her the wrong impression she dropped her ridiculous ban on Jackie. She's now talking to him once again. After all of that Jackie was still a little down for some reason. The two did end up talking to each other when they ran into each other in the hallway later in the show. It may take a little while to heal the wounds but Jackie should be fondling Robin in the near future.
In this clip Robin was doing her news and Howard was taking some phone calls. At one point he took a call from a woman who was upset about some of the stuff they were discussing in the news. They were on the subject of the Million Man March.
Gary came in at one point and told Howard that they had this angry Jamaican lady on the phone. He said she seems to be real about what she's complaining about.
Howard picked up the phone and this woman Fadima was on the line. She said that Gary was wrong about where she was from. She's actually from Africa and not Jamaica like Gary said. Howard had to ask her to lower her radio but all she did was move around her home to a place where Howard could still hear it.
Fadima lowered her radio so Howard asked if it would have been better if he had asked her to turn it off. She said she did turn it off.
Fadima told Howard that he was denouncing the Million Man March thing and she didn't like that. She wanted to tell Howard something about all of that. She told Howard that she's a black woman and ''it doesn't matta'' where she is from. Howard asked her where she was from and she kept repeating that line ''it doesn't matta'' over and over again.
Fadima said that it's about time that the black man stands up for himself. She said that they have to take care of their families and control themselves.
Howard told the woman that she was stupid and ignorant but she just kept going. She was yelling so Howard asked her why she had to yell. She said that she had to be heard over Howard's voice. She continued to ramble on and on about why this Million Man March was a good thing but Howard told her to go back to where she lives. She continued to ramble on and on.
Howard said he bets that she's a pig. He asked her what she looks like. She said ''it doesn't matta!'' Howard told her to go shrink her own head in a pot of boiling water.
Fadima told Howard that she's a sexy woman and black men love her. She said that she has some meat on her bones and she's not a skinny woman like Howard likes.
Howard told Fadima to leave him alone. She told him to leave her alone but Howard said that she was the one who called him. She told Howard that he's being a ''booly'' toward people and it wasn't fair.
Howard let Fadima go on and on for a few minutes. She yelled the whole time and kept saying ''It doesn't matta!'' throughout the call. Howard asked her where she was from. She said it didn't matter.
Howard told Fadima that she was a big dummy, that didn't matta. Howard said she was ignorant, it didn't matta. Howard said she should go back to the bush, it didn't matta. Howard said that's all she can say to anything he says.
Howard asked Fadima why she wasn't at school today. She said she was supporting the march. Howard said that Louis Farrakhan said that black women are supposed to stay home today and they're supposed to keep their kids home too. She said that she's not going to do that and she is going to school.
Howard asked Fadima if her daughter has to sleep with ear plugs in. Fadima was still yelling even though Howard told her she didn't have to.
Howard asked Fadima how she got there, did she fly on a big silver bird? She said that's how she got there. Howard asked if she had ever seen a rhinoceros. She said she wasn't going to answer that and ''it doesn't matta.''
Howard asked Fadima if she ever ate a monkey's brain. She told Howard she had to get going so she could get to school. Howard kept her on the line for a couple more minutes. She told Howard that she's going to support this march and she has to support the men who are going to the event.
Howard told Fadima that if a man goes to this march, he's not working. He said the guy should go out and get a job and just do this stuff on his own without going to a march. He said that a man should know that you don't go out and screw other women and things like that. Fadima was just yelling out ''It doesn't matta!'' over and over during that. Fadima eventually just said ''Bye'' and hung up. Howard did an impression of her saying ''It doesn't matta!'' and then wrapped up and went to break.
Live From Billboard Live. 3/6/97. 6:00am
Corey Feldman was one of the first to show up. This wasn't any normal visit though. For some reason his estranged father was there with Latoya Jackson's ex manager Jack Gordon. Corey was very surprised and confused about the whole thing. Corey told stories about how his parents allegedly stole all of the money he made as a child star. His father denied most of the stuff though. It was all one big nightmare story.
Corey didn't think they should get into everything but his father, Bob, was saying that he still loves his son and he's proud of him even though his son isn't really speaking to him.
Corey said he wanted to let everything go in his past and not go over this stuff again. Gary said that his parents had allegedly spent a lot of the money he made as a child star. Howard swore that he didn't have anything to do with his father showing up.
Howard asked Bob when he last spoke to his son. He said they have a good relationship now. He said that there is some miscommunication at times though. Howard asked Corey if he ever says he loves his father. Corey said he has at times. He has seen things in his life that have changed that.
Corey said his father made up with him when he had his TV show going. He said that wasn't a big shock. He said he would have been happy his father had only taken 15 percent as his manager. Jack Gordon was acting like he knew what had gone on in his life but Corey didn't seem to happy about that.
Corey said that by the age of 14 he had grossed over a million bucks and by the time he was 15 he had only $40,000 left. He said that he had to have himself emancipated from his parents to get that money. Then his father asked for that $40,000 to be emancipated from them. Bob said that's not true and he needs to sit down with his son to discuss all of this stuff with him.
Corey said that he did the Bad News Bears when he was 8 years old and his parents had a house that was worth about $400,000 at the time. He said it would be worth millions now. Corey also said that there was some mental and physical abuse. Bob denied that.
Bob said that he did spank his son but he didn't seem to think that was abuse. Howard asked if he ever smacked him in the face. Bob said he didn't. Corey said that his dad hit him in the face with a belt buckle. Howard said that this is making Robin's relationship with her father look pretty good.
Howard asked Corey if his father took him to the movies when he was younger. Corey said that they did see ''The Empire Strikes Back'' together but that was about it.
Howard asked Bob what he was doing down there. Bob said that Jack had invited him down there. He said that he is an actor. Corey said he had no idea that his father was an actor.
Corey said that this was actually kind of nice because he's had to keep all of this bottled up inside for so long. He said that he doesn't get along with his mother either and he's not speaking to her.
Bob said that there is a misunderstanding here and he does love his son. He asked Corey if he wanted to get together and talk about this stuff. Corey jokingly told him ''Show me the money!'' Howard said that from now on he wants every celebrity to bring their parents on the show with them.
Howard asked Bob what his side of the story was. Bob said that he actually wasn't around the house to know what was going on with his money. Corey said that didn't matter because his father was still able to spend the money. Bob said that he's always had a career and he was a rock and roll musician. The audience laughed when he said that. Bob went on to say that he and Corey have performed together as well. Howard said he's sure Corey remembers that. Corey said that his father did help him out with that but he remembers him dressed in a Saturday Night Fever kind of outfit at the time.
Corey said that Ricky Schroder is a multi-millionaire because his parents invested in a bunch of Taco Bells when he was a kid. Jack asked Corey why he's blaming his father for his downfalls. Corey said that he was a kid and he was never taught how to invest his money. Jack said that Ricky got lucky with his investments.
Howard said he had to move along. He asked Jack where Latoya is working now. He heard it was at Roy Rogers. Jack said that's what he heard last.
Corey said he heard some stories from Latoya and he might be too afraid for his life to tell them on the air. He said he's not afraid of Jack but he might be afraid of some of the people who work for him. Jack said he would never hurt Corey.
Corey said that Latoya told him that it was a very abusive relationship with Jack. He said that she told him that Jack forced her to do a lot of stuff she didn't want to do in her career. Jack said that all of that is untrue.
Corey told Corey that he has only one father and one mother and he should appreciate them. Robin said ''So that's why you stole Latoya from her family?'' The audience cheered when they heard that. Howard had to wrap up with them a short time later.
Tom Chiusano's Broken Pinkie. 9/26/02. 7:50am
Howard said there was something strange going on with General Manager Tom Chiusano. He said that Tom was walking around with a cast on his hand because he'd broken his pinkie. Howard said Tom didn't want to talk about it with him because it was something dumb that he'd done. Howard said he later found out that Tom punched a door after his suit fell on the floor. There was more to it though. Tom came in and explained what happened that day. He played a card game with some friends and ended up losing for the 20th week in a row so he got pissed. He went home and started hanging his freshly cleaned suit and punched the suit in anger a few times. When he did that he hit the door it was hanging on and broke his pinkie. Howard and the rest of the guys ended up goofing on Tom for about 15 minutes after hearing the whole story.
In the clip Howard was asking the guys what they thought about what he wrote in his book (Miss America) about them. Fred said the jury was still out. Robin said she thought Howard was horrible to her. She didn't like what he wrote about her and Fred.
Fred said he was humiliated with what he wrote about him. Howard didn't know that. He thought he had written some nice stuff about him in that book.
Robin told Howard what she had problems with. She had problems with some of the stuff she said about how Jackie is good for her and things like that. Howard had also said that she had created a fight over a birthday gift to see what would happen on the show. She said that wasn't true either and she didn't like the way things went during those conversations back then.
Howard said he doesn't think that what Robin was saying were bad things. Robin said that most people won't like what you write about them so she's not that upset about it.
Fred told Howard he's not sure what he did to him but he's sorry for whatever it was that made him write this stuff about him. Howard said that Fred is like his dog because he's very loyal to him. Fred said the book should have been called ''Pure Evil.''
Howard told Robin that her appraisal of the book was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. He said he had to take a break but Robin said that she and Fred were going to console each other during the break. Howard seemed to think that she was taking it too far. They went back and forth on that for a few minutes before Howard had to take a break.
After a fast forward we heard Howard talking about how his book was the fastest selling book in history. He and Robin talked about that for a short time but they ended up arguing again about the way he was treating her in the book. Howard said he didn't think he was out of line but Robin did.
Howard read some of the stuff he wrote about her in the book. A lot of it was complimentary but Robin didn't like some of the comments he made about her. Howard said he didn't have to defend his work and he told them to think whatever they want.
Howard read some of the lines he wrote about Fred too. Fred went off on Howard about some of the stuff he wrote about him too. He said he's not homophobic but that's what Howard wrote about him in the book. Howard said that Fred is very uptight about gays and he is homophobic. Fred insists that he's not.
Howard also goofed on Fred about the pouch of food he keeps in his mouth. Howard and Fred went through some of the other stuff that was written and Howard tried to defend what he had written. Robin and Fred ganged up on Howard and Jackie just stayed quiet. Jackie seemed to think that Robin was out of her mind with all of this.
Howard told Robin and Fred that he loves them. He delivered with the book. Fred told him he hopes he sells a lot. Fred got mad at Howard and called him a scum bag at one point. Howard didn't seem to like that since he thought he had done so much for the guy.
Howard, Fred and Robin continued their arguing for a few more minutes. Gary came in and said that Robin once tried to have him fired from the show. Robin said that's not true. Gary said that she didn't want him fired but she did tell Howard that he was doing a sub par job on the show. Robin said that she says that all the time.
Howard said Jackie came in on fire this morning because he had written ''F*** Jackie'' at the start of one of the chapters.
Howard said they did a 20/20 segment on him and he heard that they're going to be attacking him in the piece. Howard said that's what the word was on the promos they were running for the show.
Howard wanted to take a break but Robin and Jackie started to get into it. Howard said that Robin was very fired up this morning. He had to calm her down over all of that. He told her that it's all just jokes and it's supposed to be funny.
Howard ended up reading more of his book on the air. He read about Fred and how great he had been with him working together all these years. Howard compared Fred to a dog in that chapter. Howard said he was going to stick by what he wrote too. He said that he called both of them dogs, not just Fred. He wanted an apology from Fred for that but it wasn't going to happen. They wrapped up a short time later.
Today's Fight Week: Round 2 special was over around 11:55am.
Day two started with Scott Ferrall introducing a segment from September 22, 2003 where Howard and Gary got into a fight. Here's an excerpt from my archives of the two segments they played:
Pissing Off Co-Workers In One Sentence. 9/18/03. 7:20am
Howard came back from break and said that Gary told him a funny game would be to say one sentence to a person on the show that would throw them off and get them pissed. Howard said he could probably do that with guests because he can do it with someone like Fred. Gary said he's seen Howard piss off stripper guests in just a few minutes. Howard said he doesn't want to go there with Robin because she gets pissed off so easy. He said the same thing about Fred who has walked off the show in the past. Howard said Robin is too sensitive to play this game with. He said she just can't take criticism. Howard said he'd written down the stuff about Robin during the break so he could prove he was just coming up with lines to play the game. Howard said some stuff about Artie and his girlfriend Dana and how she doesn't really love him just to get him pissed. Artie said he'd like to say some lines to Howard as well to get him pissed off. Howard told him he could go there if he wanted to but Artie didn't want to.
Howard told Fred that he would have no career without him. Fred asked him where the insult was and got pissed within a few seconds. Howard then moved on to Gary but backed off because he knew it was going to upset him so much. Gary wasn't sure if he wanted Howard to go there with him. Howard said that Gary cheats on his wife but Gary said that's not right and did get pissed that he said that. He asked Howard to take it back so he did. Howard said he was pissed because Gary thought he knew him so well that he could predict what he was going to say to piss him off. He wrote down that he predicted Howard would say that his wife Mary hates him, that he's pussy whipped and that he watches the kids too much. Howard said Gary is immune to that stuff though so he didn't go that direction. (Ended around this point.)
Comedian Joe Rogan Comes In. 9/22/03. 8:00am
(Clipped) A caller asked Howard what happened after the show the day Howard pissed everyone off in just one sentence. Howard said he pissed Gary off by saying that he thought he was having an affair. He said Gary spoke to him off the air and was really upset about what he'd mentioned. Gary came in and said that it was a really mean thing to do and he got a lot of calls that day from people who heard the show. Gary said that what he did to piss off the other guys on the show was pretty tame compared to what he did to him. He said something like that could wreck his marriage. Gary ended up yelling at him to stop with this stuff already because he was still going off on him. Howard said that Gary challenged him to piss him off so that's the way he did it. Gary told him to drop it already. He said the more he goes on about it the more calls his wife is going to get about it and it's going to get ugly. Howard said he didn't have anything to base that on so it shouldn't hurt his marriage. Gary said that a lot of people didn't know that Howard was joking around about the cheating thing. Howard said he wouldn't walk up to someone like himself and ask him to piss him off. He said he's not going to go easy on him with something like that. He said you can't ask Mike Tyson to punch you and then not let him punch you.
Howard had to take a break but he was having too much fun with Gary. He wanted him to come back in so he could play with him some more. A phone caller said that Gary can only be that pissed off because he must really be cheating. Howard said he had nothing to base that accusation on and he doesn't think Gary is really cheating. Robin said he doesn't have time to cheat because he's too busy taking care of the kids and doing chores around the house. Howard took his break right after that.
Various Stuff. 11/30/01. 6:05am
(Clipped) Gary came in late this morning because he had to take the train in. Howard asked Gary if his wife needed the car or something. Gary said he's going up to Boston today and he's taking the train. Howard asked him why his wife didn't just drop him off and take the car home. Gary didn't understand why Howard was picking on him and ended up using the F-word on the air. He thinks that Howard was just twisting things around trying to make him miserable or something. Howard told him to get out of the studio but he wanted to stay. Stuttering John was laughing with his evil laugh at Gary's situation. Gary has to work tonight and then he has to watch the kids on Saturday because his wife is doing something. She's selling some jewelry or something so she's ''working'' according to Gary. At one point Howard said Gary was actually crying about the situation. Gary said he wasn't crying but he couldn't talk about this stuff anymore. Howard eventually apologized for goofing on him because he realized Gary wasn't mad at him, he was mad at his own life. Gary said he can't sleep late on Sunday because his wife won't be able to sleep in late Saturday morning. They have to do things equally with the kids.
Howard thinks Gary has given up a lot since he got married. He used to get tons of women and now he's stuck taking care of his kids. Howard was feeling bad for him and said he missed the old Gary. Howard had to take a break so Gary got a plug in real quick for his appearance up in Boston. He said he'll be at The Harp across from the Fleet Center tonight.
Did Gary Screw Up Again? 8/16/00. 8:00am
Howard thinks that Gary has screwed up something important again. The other day Howard asked Gary to have some flowers sent to his assistant Laura for her birthday. Howard got a call from Laura telling him that Gary had sent her flowers. The note on the flowers read ''From your biggest admirer, Gary''. As soon as Howard brought this up Gary went nuts and started complaining about Howard blaming him for something that the flower shop screwed up. Gary swears that he told the guy the right thing to put on the card and even had it repeated back to him. At one point Howard told Gary that he was fired.. like he has done many times in the past. They argued about this for about 15 minutes. Gary thinks that Howard always blames him for stuff he doesn't actually do. Howard tried to have Gary repeat after him but he refused. Fred took over and did his best Gary impression and repeated after Howard. He had him repeat the following...''When I send flowers for my Boff, I will try to give my Boff some credit for it. I will learn what a faux paux is. I will put down my cigarettes and chocolate bars and follow up on my work.''
Howard took a couple of phone calls about the subject. One guy said that they shouldn't fire him because they could use his big lips to raise the sunken Russian submarine. me="05242007">
Howard Done With Helping Artie. 05/24/07. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: The Jack and Rod Show with Hawk McKinney prank phone call, Aerosmith performing ''Pink'' live in Howard's K-Rock studio.
Howard was starting the show when Robin interrupted and said that Artie called both Howard and Gary Jerks on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he heard about that and now he'll never, ever attempt to bring a girl in for Artie. He said that it's kind of hard to meet women and he thought he was going to help Artie out by bringing in that Jennifer chick. He said he would love it if someone tried to help him out like that if he needed to meet some women. He said that Fred met his wife on the show like that. He told Artie that his reaction to the whole thing was really bizarre.
Robin said that she did what she could to help Howard out with Angie Everhart not knowing that Howard had already been with him. Gary said that he has a segment set up for next week and he's wondering if he should cancel it. Gary said the woman claims to be a female Artie. Howard told him to cancel the segment, he's not having any women in on the show for Artie no matter who it is. Gary asked if Artie felt hard up when they hooked him up and let him feel Carmen Electra's boobs. Artie said ''Um, no.''
Howard played the audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Artie was going off on Howard for ''helping out his bro'' and getting all irritated about the whole thing. Howard told Artie that if that's the way he's going to react to someone trying to help him, he's not going to do it anymore. Artie said he could do it off the air but Howard said ''fuck that'' to him about that. Howard said if he's hard up, he'd want someone to help him out with chicks like that. He doesn't get the reaction. Howard told Artie he's gotten his wish, he's not going to meet chicks through him. Artie said that's the way he wants it.
Howard said that Fred met the woman of his dreams through the show. Fred said they're two different people. He also said that Artie is taking this stuff too seriously. He thought Artie was being vicious to that girl and it was very surprising. Artie said that this is such a stupid conversation. Robin couldn't believe he was doing that again while they talk about that stuff.
Artie said that the girl was into fat guys and that was really insulting to have her on because of that. He said he really hates stuff like that. Artie claimed he didn't use the word ''jerk'' when talking about Howard. He thought he called them suckers, not jerks.
Howard played some more audio of Artie from the Wrap Up Show where he was talking about Bob Levy and how creepy he thinks he is. He was going off on every little thing about him that he could while talking about him. Howard and Robin got a laugh out of it as they were listening to him but Artie was really brutal talking about him. He thought that Bob had something to do with setting up Jennifer to come on the show.
Howard said that some of the stuff he was saying was wrong. He didn't know them to be facts but he was just going off on Bob and Jennifer. He asked Artie what's wrong with him these days. He said there's nothing wrong. Howard told him he's never doing him a favor ever again. Artie asked if he had to come in there anymore then. He said that yesterday was just terrible. Howard said that he is a fat guy so it's not like he doesn't know that. Fred said he thought that yesterday followed a bad day after his reaction to what his mother said to him two days ago. He's very sensitive about that stuff.
Robin said that Artie is like the Roast Master there and he can't take a little ribbing. Howard said that Artie isn't the Roast Master, Bob Levy is. Robin said she just meant that he was one of the best guys at roasting there. Howard said that he would have loved it if someone tried to help him get women. He said that he used to try to get hot chicks up there any way he could in the past and he thought he was helping Artie out yesterday. If he's going to react to it that way, he's done with it. He said that it's not that fun for him to see a chick trying to hook up with him when he could have hot chicks in there who are into him instead.
Artie said that the chick has a boyfriend and that came out on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he got a note from that guy and he was saying that he's as much her boyfriend as Artie's dates are his girlfriends. Howard told Gary he doesn't want to read any e-mails from girls who like Artie anymore. He's done with that. Artie was fine with that and said he's glad to hear that.
Artie said that he doesn't want to be anyone's ''bro'' and he thinks that ''bro'' is the gayest word he's ever heard and doesn't even know what it means. Howard said back in the 60s when you said that word, it really meant something. Howard said he uses that term a lot and it means a lot between him and his friends. He said that he won't call Artie a bro if he doesn't want to but he was doing that segment yesterday to help out a friend. He wasn't trying to humiliate anyone. Artie said that segment was all about a hot chick somehow liking an obese, disgusting guy. Howard told him that he's a baby and he should go take some more of those anti-heroin pills. Howard said Artie owes him an apology. Artie said the whole point of the segment was to point out that he's fat.
Artie said he doesn't care if he's on anyone's ''bro'' list like Howard was saying. Howard said he's off of his list and that's it. He said he has a couple of people on that list like his old friend Dr. Lou and Pat Minokia. Artie was on that list until today. Howard gave Artie a sincere ''fuck you'' for treating him like this after he tried to help him out. He wasn't kidding.
Howard said that the girls he's brought into the studio for Artie were into Artie, not just into fat guys. He brought up Fred again but Artie said that was different because it was a dial-a-date thing. Artie had referred to Howard as a pelican looking fuck at one point so Howard thanked him for that attack. He said he's done being a jerk on the air. He said that he felt close to Artie and he was really trying to help him out. Artie said he's not really friends with Howard though. Howard said he thought that they were friends but Artie said that they're not friends, they just work together. Howard said that they spend 5 hours a day talking to each other and getting into each other's heads. Artie said that it's still work and they're not friends.
Howard said that he can't believe that Artie is questioning his motives when it comes to this stuff. Artie said that everything is on the air and if he really liked him as a ''bro'' he'd do this stuff off the air. Howard said it's all for the air because he's not looking to do things off the air. Howard said that he was trying to have Artie meet these people on the air because he figured he'd be less embarrassed on the air. Artie said that Howard wanted this to be something interesting on the air. He said he had no intention to embarrass Artie on the air. Artie said he did so Howard apologized to him and said he can be assured that it will never happen again.
Artie said he would never parade a girl around as some fetish chick like Howard did to him yesterday. Howard said he'd rather screen them on the air than off the air. Artie said that he's never had a serious conversation with Howard off the air, ever. Howard said that's bull shit and he has gone to him and talked to him seriously. That led to them talking about Artie's heroin use and how Howard brings that stuff up on Letterman when he didn't want him to. Howard said he considers Artie a friend but it appears he's not thinking the same thing. Howard said he's invited Artie to his house a bunch of times while Artie has never invited him. Artie said he invited him to his house once and he was busy doing something else.
Howard told Artie that he's got something going on because he's sucking on those Subutex pills again. Artie said those were other issues he's got, they have nothing to do with this. Howard told him to go see his shrink as soon as possible if he's got that many issues.
Artie said that they can continue bringing the broads in but he's going to be uncomfortable every time. He said he'd take a bullet for Howard but both Robin and Howard interrupted him and said that's bull too. He swore he would do it though. While they were talking about that Benjy started to take his shirt off so Howard had to ask him not to make this about him.
Artie said that he knows that Howard's show is the most important thing in his life to him. He said he understands that the show is more important to him than his relationship with him. Howard said that's not true. Artie said it is true and he wishes that he could be as into something as Howard is.
Artie told Howard that he usually bites the bullet and lets the jokes about his life drop. He said the heroin song parodies really bother him and he just lets that go. Howard told Artie that he has a special bond with him and he doesn't understand why he insulted him for trying to help him out. He said he's always going to consider Artie as a brother even if he thinks that ''bro'' thing is lame. Artie told him that yesterday he was being a shitty friend to him when he embarrassed him with that chick.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he was going to have to side with Artie today. He said that if Howard saw a hot chick that Artie would be into, he could introduce Artie to her. He wondered why Howard had to do it on the air. Howard said he thought the bit would be good on the air but he also said that he'd like for people to help him out in that way. Robin said that Artie and King are missing something there. They didn't know this girl at all so that's why they did it on the air. Howard said he felt that it was just a way to meet a chick. Howard mentioned Fred's wife again but Artie said that was completely different. Howard said it's not though.
Artie said he knows Howard will bring up things on the air that he doesn't want on the air. He said the $500 whore story from Las Vegas was one of those stories. He said there was something else with Dana that he brought up on the air. Howard said he knows he's fucked up some stuff like that and he's sorry. Artie said that he'd never do that to Howard. Howard said he will usually ask Artie before he brings it up though and he wasn't looking to hurt him. Artie said the story about Dana was a big deal to him but Howard thought it was nothing because he wouldn't bring it up again.
Howard asked Artie to just talk about what the subject was that he remembered. Artie said that he told Howard that he was upset with Dana for not sticking by him through some stuff and that came up on the air. He said that was something he told him in private that he didn't want out there. Howard said he's never brought up anything else private though. Artie said the $500 hooker story was another one but Howard said that's never happened.
Gary came in and said that Jason summarizes the show and they keep a log of what happens on the show. They went back and pulled up the notes and Howard wanted to tell the story about the hooker but Howard wouldn't tell it unless Artie would give him permission. So Artie had to tell the story himself, he didn't bring it up himself.
Artie said that Howard seems to think that he hates him but he doesn't. He said no one is more dedicated to him. He said that the whole basis of this thing is that they are friend and he likes coming in every day and doing the show. Robin said he was just saying that he's not his friend a few minutes ago. Howard said that Artie has told the hooker story on other shows but Artie denied ever doing that.
Howard said he wanted to clear the air and patch up the whole thing. He said that he understands what Artie is saying and he doesn't want to be made uncomfortable on the air. He wasn't trying to do that. He did the segment because he had something interesting about a major player on the show. He apologized for doing it and that's the end of it. Artie said he doesn't mind it if they want him to sit there and get embarrassed every day. He's willing to do that. Howard said he thought that Artie would be happy to meet a chick, he didn't know. Artie said that chick wasn't even in the same league of the chicks he's going out with. Robin said he didn't have to go out with he, they were just introducing them.
Howard said he really thought he was helping to make it easier to meet a chick, that's one reason he did that for him. He said he'd like that himself so he figured Artie was like him. Since he's not, he apologized to him for doing it. Artie said the first motive for Howard is to make great radio and embarrassing him was one way to do that. Artie said that he doesn't deny the fact that they're friends. He said that he knows that Howard is more into the radio show than being his friend. Howard said that any time he sees Artie do a show, he calls him off the air and tells him how proud he is. He said that he's sincere about that and that's something that a friend does. He said he's reached out to him many times as a friend and he's not sure how to show his friendship more than that.
Howard said that maybe hanging out together in private isn't something they can do. Artie said he gets it and he knows how important the show is to him. Robin said it's like Artie is still saying that Howard knew how the segment was going to go. He didn't know if it was going to be good or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that a ''bro'' isn't someone who ridicules someone on a daily basis like Howard does. Howard said that the stuff he talks about is what Artie does, he's not saying anything that's not part of his life. Artie drinks, gambles and eats so he talks about it. Howard took some more calls and let the fans give their thoughts on this whole thing. Joey Boots called in and said that he thinks Artie is out of line with this whole thing. Joey said that he'd be honored if Howard called him a bro like he did. Artie said that was in the heat of an argument, he didn't mean it.
Howard said he had a quick story about the ''bro'' thing. He said he got a call from Dr. Lou the other day and they rarely get together. He said he's always thought of him as a bro since they were kids. He said that Lou called him and needed some help with something. He said that he can always do that with him because he'll always think of him as a bro. That's the way he thinks of Artie. Joey said that Artie even goofs on himself as being fat so he's not sure why he's getting so upset about them goofing on him about being fat. Artie said he knows that, he just can't believe that this has blown up into what it has.
Howard told Artie to never bring this up off the air. He said that he doesn't want it in his life anymore. Artie agreed and said he's happy being there and he has no desire to talk about that stuff. Robin said she thinks that Artie is on the verge of a walk out. Howard said he feels differently about Artie than he does about him. He said that even Jackie is still a bro with him even though he's fucked up in a lot of ways. He said that he still questions a lot of Jackie's shit but he's still a bro to him. Howard said he spends a lot of time with Artie and he does care about him.
Artie said that Robin was the one who threw in that ''jerk'' line at 6:01 this morning so she's trying to make it even worse. Howard said he had to take a break because he had a couple of guests there. They spent a couple more minutes going through that stuff before Howard went to break. Artie said he's never doing the Wrap Up Show again after all of this went down. He went to break a short time later.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about a meeting he had with Tom Chiusano where he got yelled at by him for saying some stuff that he shouldn't have said. Howard said he knows he handled it badly and he told that to Gary after he did it.
Fred made fun of Robin at one point so Howard started talking about how afraid people are of Fred. Howard said that Gary is really afraid of him and told Robin a story about just how scared he is.
Howard said he's the only one who isn't afraid to talk about Fred. Robin said that's not true because he's stopped talking about him when he thinks that Fred is coming into the room.
Howard asked Fred about his parents and how they're doing. Fred said that he and his girlfriend get together with them once in a while. Howard said Fred used to go up to cut their lawn like every weekend. Once he got the girlfriend he cut his family off and stopped visiting.
Howard asked Fred if he was going to visit his parents for the Christmas holiday. Fred said he won't be going up. He said they moved farther away and he won't be making that trip this year. Howard asked if he wanted to call and wish his family a Happy Thanksgiving. Fred said he didn't want to do that.
Howard said that Fred's mother is probably heart broken that he doesn't visit. Fred said that she may be. He said he doesn't make his mother get out of his car and make her walk home like Robin did.
Howard goofed on Fred for a couple of minutes and then cut off his microphone. Fred said he had to answer some things that they were saying but his mic was off. Howard said he would let him talk when he felt he had to. Fred ended up goofing on Howard for being his master and continued to talk even though his mic was off.
Various Stuff. 4/4/01. 6:05am
(Clipped) Howard recently told Robin that he was going to paint something similar to a Jackson Pollock painting so she could try and tell which one was his. She had been saying that Pollock's paintings ''move'' her. Howard had someone show 6 paintings to Robin so she could guess which was Howard's. She wasn't able to figure out which was Howard's but she did pick out a phony. Howard knew she wouldn't be able to pick it out. He said all Pollock did was spray paint garbage on a canvas. Robin said she picked out the 2 that she recognized as being Pollock's. Howard said he painted the thing in 7 minutes.
Robin argued that she knew the ones that moved her and not Pollock's earlier crap. Howard kept trying to get her to pick out the pictures that didn't move her and she wouldn't do it. Robin was getting very emotional and loud with Howard. He was trying to prove a point with this whole thing but it wasn't happening. Robin finally broke down and picked number 6 as Howard's. It was actually number 3 which Fred had guessed. Howard said the painting was called ''Help''. Robin was still sounded very upset over the whole thing for no reason. Robin eventually told Howard that his painting did look like early Jackson Pollock.
A listener called in and offered Howard $1000 for the painting but Howard didn't want to give it up. Howard told the guy he was going to do a new painting that he'd give him for free. He said he's going to pleasure himself on a black canvas and he'll let the guy have it free. The guy didn't want to take him up on the offer.
Robin said she never could pick out Howard's painting. She said she just let Howard do his thing after he claimed he could paint something that would move her. She told Howard to just let her be moved by something and leave it at that. Howard said ''I won!'' to Robin a few times to quiet her down. She really didn't care though. The two of them argued about Pollock and whether or not he was talented. Robin said that Howard has to crap on everything that she likes. When she said that she liked Gregory Hines, Howard went in a bathroom and tap danced to show that anyone could do it. Now he's done this with Jackson Pollock. Howard said tomorrow he'll take a crap and it'll look like a Monet. Robin went silent for a minute. She then said that she wanted to crap on Stuttering John because he was just standing there laughing like a fool.
After taking a break Howard said that the Pollock stuff won't be on any of his TV shows. The E! people told him that they don't have rights to the paintings so they can't show them on TV. Howard wondered why that is and why people can take stuff out of his book and put it on TV like they did on MSNBC. That led to Howard talking about the MSNBC special that was done about him recently. He just watched it and it bummed him out. He said he doesn't know why shows like that bum him out but this one sure did.
Howard watched some of the David Copperfield special that was on last night and he was amazed. He said it was incredible. He described some of the tricks that Copperfield did and tried to figure out how he did them. A guy called in and said he knew how he levitated the couch. The guy explained that it's done with compressed air like an air hockey table turned upside down. Howard eventually told him he was nuts and hung up on him.
Howard was also amazed when David cut himself in half and held the bottom part of his body. Howard then described Copperfield and some kid he reunited with his father. Howard said that Copperfield and this kid vanished from the stage they were on and appeared in Hawaii all of a sudden. Robin told him he was watching tape and it was just an illusion. Howard said you have to see it though. Howard ended up hanging up on every caller that tried to explain the tricks. One guy said they used blue screens to fake the tricks and Howard hung up on him. A magician called in and said that Copperfield gets help from other magicians. He also said he buys a lot of his tricks. Howard didn't care about all of that, he said that the guy is just an amazing illusionist.
Steve Grillo...'bud I downt have a plaze to livea...heh heh' 2-21-96. Mike Gange and Steve Grillo are losing their home. Stuttering John has been subbing out his NYC apartment to Mike and Steve but John's landlord want's John evicted. From what I gather, John isn't supposed to be renting his apartment out to anyone and the landlord found out about Mike and Steve. John, Mike and Steve got in to a huge yelling match late this morning about this matter.
Grillo thinks that John can't throw him out because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. That's not John's problem. Mike seems to understand this but he doesn't really want to move out either.
All three say that they have lawyers trying to stop the eviction but one of the lawyers called in and told them all to shut up because they're all ruining the case.
These arguments went back and forth for quite some time. Mike Gange was saying too much so the Lawyer asked him specifically to be quiet. Howard was wondering how he could get Steve Grillo out of his office. He was afraid he was going to squat in there too.
Howard said he loves the interns. He could watch this stuff going on all day long. Howard called the office and asked to speak to Grillo. Howard asked him if he was locking himself in there. Grillo said he just had to go in and cool off for a minute.
Intern Day. 2-22-96. Today's show was chock full of interns. Stuttering John, Steve Grillo and Mike Gange continued their arguing about Johns apartment. The boys still didn't want to get the hell out of John's apartment until Howard pounded some sense in to their heads. After a long and funny argument, Steve finally broke down and said that he'd move out next Monday. It seems that he may be moving in with a gay listener that offered to be his roommate for $200 a month, cheap for NYC. Gange was more stubborn. He wants to take the whole mess to the courts and fight it out there...something about squatters rights. Eventually he said that he'd move out by next Friday but I don't think that he was serious.
In the clip we heard Gary asking Howard if he would let Fred the Elephant boy come in to get his book signed. Howard was fine with that.
Howard said that Stuttering John is mad at Fred for making fun of him in an interview. He said that John smells bad. John came in and went off on Elephant Boy for saying what he said.
John said that he has taken Fred out to eat and has introduced him to girls and stuff and he treats him like this.
Fred said that he likes some of the other people on the show better than John. John asked Fred who got him a couch dance and who took him out to dinner in Cleveland. Elephant Boy was trying to explain himself but it was hard to understand what he was talking about.
Howard said Elephant Boy sounded like Cousin It while he was talking. Howard asked John why he won't talk to Fred now. John said that he's treated him really well and then he goes out and bad mouths him so he doesn't want to be friendly toward him.
Elephant Boy said that he thinks that he was misquoted. Howard said he wasn't misquoted. John said that Fred said he didn't change his clothes during the whole Cleveland trip and that's not true. John said he brought a bag with him and he had a change of clothes in there. Fred said he didn't know that back then.
Howard asked John what else Fred has said about him. John said Fred said he was the must unfriendly person on the show. Fred tried to explain that and said that other people on the show will say hello to him when he says hello. Howard said Fred was trying to be outrageous and that's why he said what he said.
Howard said he knows why Fred did this but Fred denied that it was the reasons he said. John said that he's the same person now that he was back in Cleveland. Howard asked Fred why he did this then. Fred said he wasn't upset with John or anything. He didn't seem to be clear why he did it.
Fred was saying a lot of stuff that no one understood. Howard said he realized that it doesn't matter what you say to someone because John is ready to pick up and go after him even though no one understands him.
Howard told Fred to come down to the book signing today so people can meet him. Fred said he wasn't going to be able to make it. Howard told him to come to the next one then.
John and Fred made up and said that they would start over again. John told him that he's invited to any gig he goes to and he'll even buy him a drink. Fred said he'd like to start all over with him.
Howard said he had to take a break and then he'd come back and sign Elephant Boy's book. Gary came in and said that he had a guy on the phone who said that John was being kind of a dick out there. Howard took that call and the guy said he got to the event and everyone was outside. He said he walked to John and went to shake his hand and John blew him off. He said that John did smell kind of bad. Howard cut the guy off and said he didn't know what to tell him. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard said that they had some controversy going on in the office there. He said that his spots were going too long and some of the advertisers were upset. Howard said that he's done giving people 5 minute commercials there. He said sometimes they come to expect it and he's going to put a stop to that. He talked about a wine sponsor that they had who was looking for a long live ad every day. Howard started joking about how he likes to drink and drive with this Bouzay wine.
Al Rosenberg was trying to say something but he wasn't on mic. That led to Howard talking about how they don't help him out with mic'ing people in the studio even when he asks them to. Al tried to yell more stuff out but he still wasn't on the mic. Howard said Al was going to end up yelling for 20 minutes now. He told him he might have to leave the show so he doesn't have to yell all the time.
Howard said that the engineer was in the back muttering to himself and not paying attention to what he was doing. Howard said that they all drive him nuts there.
Howard said their General Manager is ignoring the show. He said he thinks that the guy feels that they don't have to do anything since it's so successful. Howard said that they get stuff for Imus all the time and don't bother with him. Howard said that John Hayes will help the other guys out there at the station even when they don't get any ratings. Howard said he's going to get out of there and move to another station as soon as he can get out of his contract.
Howard tried to get through to John Hayes in his office. His secretary told him that he was in a meeting and he wasn't able to come to the phone. She said that he was in a meeting with some very important people. Howard asked who it was with. She wouldn't say so Robin said she's lying. Howard asked if John stuck his head out and told her to tell him that. The secretary denied that. Howard asked her to poke her head into his office and tell him he wanted to talk to him. She said she had her orders and she can't do that.
Howard told Fred to go back and find out if Hayes was in a meeting. Gary said that he saw that he had the privacy sign up on his door. The secretary said she was going to hang up but Howard told her to stay on the line. Howard told Al to go back there and bang on Hayes' door.
Al went back to the office and tried to knock on Hayes' door. The secretary tried to stop them but they pounded on his door. Al could be heard telling Hayes what they were doing down there. Howard said that it sounded like John just decked Al.
Howard said that he works for an idiot. Al came back to the studio and told Howard that he needed a favor, he needed a job. Al said that Hayes was angry. Howard said Hayes is going to come down there all red faced.
Howard said he heard some of what John was saying to Al. Al said he told him he could talk to Howard at another time but just not right then.
Gary said that John came out and said that it wasn't funny and he was very authoritative. Howard asked if Soupy Sales' show was more important. Howard asked Gary if he was pointing his finger at him and stuff. Gary said he only came half way out the door.
Howard said he should go back and bang on the door himself. He said he would do it if he had the remote microphone. Fred said that the engineer was on vacation. Howard said they must have another one who knows how to use it.
Howard said he would go back there if they could get him a mic. He said he could go back there and hold a telephone instead. Howard said maybe that's what he'd do.
After an edited out commercial break Howard came back and talked about doing the telephone hook up. He said he'd call into the show from the phone in the office there. Robin said that he'll probably ask him to go back and do his show like a father would do.
Howard asked if anyone knows who John has in his office. He said he can imagine what he's telling that person in the office. Howard said that he's probably talking about the ''Jew-venile Delinquent'' he has working for him. Howard asked Al if he knows who was in there. Al said he didn't see anyone so he's not sure.
Howard headed back to the office and Robin filled in for him talking for a short time. She said that she figures that John may have to be carried out of there if he freaks out on Howard. She said that there should be all kinds of fire works from this one.
Howard called into the show from the office and said he had to lower the radio back there. Howard said that the secretary said she didn't know who was in there with him.
Howard yelled out John's name and he came out a short time later. Howard said there was no one in his office at all. Howard told John to come on but he was very angry. John sarcastically told him that this was great radio.
John told Howard that he's buys working today so he can't come on the show. Howard said he had some important stuff to talk to him about. John said they'd have to do that at another time.
Howard called John ''Idiot Scum'' after he closed the door on him. Howard said he was going to tell him off some more. He yelled at John some more and said that he's told him off. He said he was looking at him seething. Howard said the guy was very mad at him.
John came out and told Howard to go back and do his show. He told Howard that this wasn't fun. Robin said it was fun when John squirms. He said that he wasn't squirming and it was just annoying. Howard ran into the office while they were talking. Howard said he was going to do the whole show from his office. He said his secretary was panicking too.
Howard said that John is fuming and he's really angry. Howard said he ran to his desk and John pushed him and told him he was a douche bag. Robin said they didn't hear that. Howard said he should be fired for doing that. Howard said he pushed him too so he should be fired. Robin said that they might be able to call the cops for this one so they can have him arrested.
Howard Vs. Mancow. 08/08/1995. 7:00am
Howard came back from break and mentioned that Jaid Barrymore would be coming in soon. Gary came in and told Robin that he spent all of the day before trying to figure out if there was any way he could be blamed for the Mike Gange screw up. He figured that Howard couldn't find a way to blame him so he was very relieved.
Howard said that Jaid looked unreal in her Playboy layout. Gary asked Howard if he wanted to talk about this Mancow guy. Howard continued to talk about Jaid for a short time and said that he's hoping that she gets naked for them today. He spent a short time wondering about what went down between Jaid and her daughter Drew. He said it must have been pretty crazy.
Howard mentioned that this guy Mancow from Chicago returned to the air waves and mentioned his name on the air saying that people were taking advantage of his unfortunate situation. Howard figures they were trying to take the high road over there and tried not to mention his name. Gary said that Mancow was talking about his dad a lot on the air.
howard said he heard that Mancow was on the air this morning talking about how he had never heard of Howard Stern because of where he had grown up. Howard said the guy is probably talking in that loud voice of his. He also said that he was banging on teh microphone trying to get his point across, just like he does when he gets angry. Howard also mentioned that this guy Turd was going to come over and crap in their station's lobby or something.
Howard siad that this guy Larry Wert is really pissed that he wished cancer upon him. Howard said the guy is a scumbag and a nut job and he's not nuts for wishing that upon him. Howard said this guy Mancow is also nuts claimign that he's never heard of him wehn he's doing the same stuff he used to do in his interviews. Gary asked if he wanted to call the guy. Howard told him to do call him adn see if the guy has the balls to come on the air and confront him.
Howard told Gary what to say and listened in as Gary was making the call. Gary was put on hold for a little while. He waited for someone to get on the phone while Howard continued to goof on the guy. Howard said this guy sends him all of this stuff in the mail but he apparently doesn't have the balls to come on the air with him. Gary had Mancow on the phone so he tried to convince him to get on the air. Mancow agreed to it so Howard put him on the air a short time later.
Howard told Mancow that he didn't have to be so upset about losing his father. Mancow said he couldn't do this right then because he wasn't on the air himself. Mancow then got on the air and said that people in Chicago hate people from New York but Howard doesn't realize that. Howard and Mancow then went back and forth with each other talking over each other and trying to control what was going out over the air.
Howard told Mancow that he was his bitch and he sent him a pink dress because he's such a pussy. Mancow tried to talk but Howard wasn't letting him get in a word and Mancow wasn't letting Howard get a word out on his show. Mancow's people were cheering for him as he attempted to bitch slap Howard verbally. He wasn't listening to a word Howard was saying and Howard wasn't listening to him either.
Howard told Mancow to continue drowning him out with sound effects. Howard said his dead daddy doesn't feel bad because his real daddy is there now. Mancow ended up hanging up on him as he was yelling at him. Howard said he hopes his show dies and Chicago gives them all the ratings.
Robin was still going off on the guy saying that she would kick his ass herself. She was pissed that he was calling her ''Aunt Tom'' while he was on with them. Gary said that Mancow didn't want to be embarrassed so he didn't let any of his words out on the air. All they heard was Mancow yelling at Howard and nothing else.
Billy West was doing his impression of Mancow going off on Howard. Howard said that if Mancow's guy Turd shows up to their station in Chicago, they should just throw him out a window. Howard said he knew that he wasn't on the air with Mancow.
Howard had some audio of Mancow talking about his show during an interview and claiming that he's always honest on his show and that's why people love him. Howard said he's just a dick and he can't wait to hold his funeral. He doesn't know what kind of bit that guy is trying to do. Howard said he's got to get out of this industry because now he's battling his imitators.
Howard took a call from a guy who changed subjects to OJ Simpson. That led to Howard talking about how Johnny Cochran was out yelling about freeing OJ. They had people cheering for a murderer to be released. Howard said he doesn't get that at all. He said he can't imagine that the jury will find him guilty though. He said he sees the evidence that he is guilty but the jury won't find that he is. Howard said that OJ could confess to the murders and the jury would still find him innocent. Howard had to go to break after that.
Today's Fight Week: Round 2 was over around 12:20pm.
In the clip Howard was talking to Robin about the getting off the air the day before. Howard said he had the TV show calling him and all kinds of other stuff to get through. He had the radio show to work on and then had to go home and work on the TV show. He had to sit through Jackie's lunch too.
Howard said Jackie's lunch was huge and it's never just one sandwich. He eats a ton of food. Howard said they had a nice spread on Monday and Jackie was busy moaning the whole time. Howard said he was waiting for an individual meal instead of the big spread they had there.
Jackie said he was surprised that Jackie carried on as long as he did. He said they rarely get that nice of a lunch. He said if Jackie had to feed a company he wouldn't spend money on his employees like that.
Howard said after the meeting it was like 2 o'clock and he called Ronnie to bring him down to the car. Gary then came up to him and told him he had commercials to record that had been sitting around for two days. He asked Gary why that was. Gary told him that it was hard to get a hold of him. He told Gary that he's there all day and night so it's not hard to get a hold of him. Gary will tell him stories all morning long and B.S. about nothing but he won't tell him about these commercials.
Howard said he had to tell Gary that he was wrong there and he should be telling him he has commercials to read. Howard said he told him not to argue with him and to just tell him when he has commercials to cut.
Howard said Gary kept harping on him and it was very grating and annoying. He said they took the argument into the bathroom. Then Jackie came in and heard the argument going on. He said Jackie decided to laugh it up in there while he was trying to reprimand Gary over this stuff.
Jackie said he thought they were just talking and didn't know that it was a serious conversation. He said when he did realize it was serious it made him laugh even harder.
Howard told Gary that he was done for the day and people were going to think that he was leaving before he finished his work. He asked Gary why it hadn't been brought up before then. Jackie interrupted and said that the funny thing was that Howard was in front of the urinal while they were arguing. Howard didn't think that was necessary to tell in the story.
Howard said that Jackie decided to comfort Gary during this argument. He said that the other day Gary scheduled a call from Jerry Seinfeld at 8:45 and that's the time they get to the news. Robin agreed with him on that. Gary came in and said that this is the most ''brown nosingest'' comment from Robin saying that they start the news around that time. He said they want to start the news around then but they never do get to it.
Howard said Jackie decided to get into it with him in the bathroom. He said he told Gary that scheduling Jerry Seinfeld for the show at 8:45 was wrong. Then Jackie got in on it and Gary said that he can never win and the two of them were giving him a hard time.
Howard said he's going to keep a close tab on things with Gary now. Jackie said he's love to hear a tape of poor Gary from that day. Howard said it's not ''poor Gary.''
Howard said that Gary isn't to book guests on a Monday and don't book guests at 8:45. Gary said it's bad guests they don't want booked on a Monday. He said sometimes they break rules because they're not carved in granite.
Howard said he was in the middle of chastising Gary in the bathroom and Gary wouldn't listen to him over all of this stuff.
Gary said that he's so close to saying ''F-you'' to Howard. He said it would make him feel better. Howard told Gary to get out of there, he's an embarrassment. Howard made fun of him for saying that he was ''so close.'' Howard said that Gary basically forgot to tell him about recording commercials for two days and now he wants to tell him ''F-you.''
Gary said that Howard doesn't want anyone giving him suggestions. Howard told Gary that he didn't hire him to give him suggestions on what to do. He said that he hired Jackie and Fred to do that. He said Gary is now writing for the show. Howard said he just wants to be told when he has to do his commercials. He said that's all he asks him to do.
Howard said he should have double the ratings he has just based on what he has to overcome to get this show on the air.
Gary said that Howard says he wants things and never listens to anyone who has other ideas. He said he wanted to tell him about the Jerry Seinfeld thing and he didn't want to listen to that. Howard said he wants a ''yes man'' who just does what he's told.
Howard said Gary is having trouble with his job and he's not listening. He asked him to repeat after him. Gary refused to do that. Howard gave him some lines to repeat and Gary did it but didn't want to. They wrapped up a short time later.
In this clip we heard Howard saying that Fred had just gone off on Maria Melito right before the show. Maria came into the studio and told Howard how Fred had gone off on her. Howard said Fred overreacts all the time. Fred said that may be but he's apologizing to people. Fred admitted that it's him but it sounded sarcastic.
Howard said Fred has gotten carried away. Fred said it was just a big misunderstanding and he's not fighting with anyone. Howard said he's heard that Fred is out of control.
Howard said Gary told him he could get Fred going if he told him the opening of the show sounded stale. Gary came in and told Howard that he's a whore for saying that. He said that they weren't going to bring that up on the air until they got Fred riled up.
Howard said they have tape of Gary and Fred arguing from the day before. Gary said he threw that in the garbage. Howard said they kept the actual tape and didn't throw it away like Gary thought they did.
Howard asked Maria what happened with her and Fred. Maria said she runs Howard's commercials at the top of the hour. She told John to tell Fred that they had 3 minutes to start the show and he didn't come down there. She had to pull some other spots to run and she ran down to get Fred from the office. She said that Fred said he was coming and he threw his arms up in the air in the studio when she got in there. He said that he was late just one day.
Fred said there was a twist to the story that she was leaving out. Fred said he was in the office pulling carts and she came into the office with this ugly look on her face and went off on him. He said that she thinks he was yelling but he really wasn't.
Maria said that Fred was yelling and he had never spoken to her like that. Fred said that she put him on the spot by talking to him the way she did too.
Fred said that he never heard that they were running late so when she came in and told him he was late, he didn't realize it. He said John never told him. Maria said she thought that he had because John told her he did.
John came in and said that he did tell Fred and he nodded but maybe he didn't hear him. Fred said he didn't hear him. Howard told Fred he might want to get there 5 or 10 minutes early to work on that stuff.
Howard told Maria to go over and kiss and make up with Fred. He told her to French him. She just said ''goodbye.''
Howard said Fred has yelled at the General Manager before too. Fred said that's not true either. Howard said Tom asked him what was wrong with Fred. Fred said he didn't believe that.
Howard asked Fred and Maria to make up but they ended up arguing more about what had gone on. Howard said he wants Fred to get in there earlier so he doesn't have to run around like a mad man. Fred said he shows up later than some because he has to stay late at work too.
Howard said he's trying to help Fred out with this. Fred was all worked up and still getting loud with everyone. Howard said that Maria didn't do anything to Fred. He said that he's still angry though.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he was in a car with Fred and Stuttering John one time and he tried to give him directions and Fred flipped out on him. He said that John saw it happening and that scared him. Fred said that he can get a little intense when he fights but that was not a fight. They ended the segment after that.
Dominic Beats Robin 8 to 4! 3/28/97.
Dominic Barbara beat Robin at basketball yesterday. Robin was really pissed at Dominic for his attitude yesterday. He was playing like a moron according to Howard. Howard was pretty pissed also. They didn't get into all of the details because Howard planned on playing the tape later in the show. Howard said that Dominic was screaming about Robin fouling him and that Dominic threw the ball at the referee! He wasn't joking around either.
Howard and Robin talked about how it was the first time that Robin had ever played basketball in her life and Dominic was freaking out telling the Ref to call a foul on her. Dominic threw the ball at the ref and started yelling at Robin for fouling him and it was out of control. Gary said he thought he was joking around but it turns out he's just super competitive.
Robin scored 4 points on Dominic and it could have gone either way. Robin said she felt cheated because she didn't know how to play. Robin got pissed that they put her into this stupid crap to begin with. Howard said he thought she was into it. Robin said she just does whatever is good for the show. She said she wants to be left out of this stuff from now on.
Robin said it wasn't easy to be in there with that 300 pound gorilla. She said that she never wanted to play basketball against the guy.
Dominic said that he would call in later but he wanted to say that Robin is the toughest lady you've ever seen. He said that she was punching him in the back. Howard said that's not true. Howard said that Robin kneed him in the balls when he grabbed her ass.
Robin said that Dominic really pisses him off. Dominic said that she was pushing him around and he had to call a foul on her. Robin asked him who he beat. She said that he beat someone who never played basketball. Dominic said that she's very competitive.
Gary said they were trying to tell Robin the rules at one end of the court and Dominic wouldn't come over to them to hear them. He was standing at one end just polishing his glasses. Gary said he's surprised that Robin is this upset though.
Robin said that she does what she wants to do. She said that they were already into this stuff so she wasn't going to back out of it. Howard said they cooked up this whole thing on the air. Robin said that this didn't just come up on the air, it had to have come up at the card game. Howard said he's telling her the truth that it wasn't planned like that. It just came up on the air.
Howard asked Robin if she was calling him a liar. She said she never wanted to play basketball. Howard said she shouldn't have agreed to it then. Robin said she told Gange that she didn't want to play. She said that they had already done it on the air so she wasn't going to back out of it.
Robin said she doesn't like to play games like that. She said that she liked playing tennis but that was something that she decided to do.
Mike Gange came in and said that Robin was pretty adamant about not wanting to play. Robin said from now on she wants to be kept out of it. Howard asked if she wants to be left out of everything on the show. She said yes to that. Robin said she got nothing out of the game.
Dominic said that he beat Robin and that was that. He said goodbye after that. Robin said ''Big deal.'' Howard said Dominic acted like he was Rocky when he beat Robin. He said that Robin could have beat him and it could have gone either way. Howard said Robin can't blame anyone but herself.
Jackie said Robin could have backed out of this at any time. Robin said she couldn't have done that because they had already gotten into it.
Gary said they were worried about Dominic at one point because he looked like a guy who wasn't getting enough air. He said Dominic claims he was fine though. Gary said Dominic told him that he was going to give the game to Robin but he lucked out with the last two shots he too. Howard said Dominic did look like death. He was huffing and puffing like he was going to pass out.
Gary said he can't wait to replay this on the F-Emmys so Robin can hear how crazy she sounds. Howard said that Robin is going to win this year.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about how Gary was down in Atlantic City appearing in some dumb show that Ron Delzner put together. Howard said that Jackie and Stuttering John are involved in that too even though he told them to put a stop to this ''Friends of the Howard Stern Show'' show.
Howard said that Gary didn't come in this morning and he had better hear that he's not going to Dallas this weekend so he can make up for missing work today.
Howard had Stuttering John come in to explain himself on this stuff. John said that he's there and he didn't call in sick or anything. Howard said John is the smartest one there. He said he's more crafty and sneaky than Gary and Jackie are.
Howard said Gary is a little sneak. He said that Gary told him that it was Ron Delzner who set the whole thing up. Howard said he loves all three of them but he's willing to disassociate himself with the three of them.
Howard said Jackie was reading the paper while he's telling him this stuff. John said that Jackie had washed his hands of the whole thing before it went down. Jackie said he booked the one gig in Atlantic City but turned down the other stuff.
Howard said that John thinks that he's funny but he's the least funny guy he has met. Howard said he's funny when he stutters. He said when he goes on TV and tries to be him, he's not funny. Howard said John is funny being himself, not trying to be Howard Stern. Howard told John he looks like he's doing a bad Howard impression and he comes off not funny. He asked him if he thinks he's funny. John said he does but Howard corrected him and said that he's not funny.
Howard said he's trying to help John out with this. He said that John is funny when he's being himself and stammering. He said he could never be a stand-up comedian. He said that he comes off as being obnoxious. Howard said when John goes on Conan O'Brien's show he's not funny. He said he's funny when he stutters. He said that people are laughing at him and not with him.
Howard said he's seen John doing shows and he yells at people. He said that's not his style and it comes off obnoxious. He said he can't force it.
Howard said that he's turned down a lot of money in his career for T-shirts, bumper stickers and a lot of other nonsense. He said that John would get dizzy if he knew what he had turned down. John asked if that's because he can afford to turn them down. Howard said that's not the case. He said he couldn't afford to buy a house and he was still turning down those offers.
Howard said he believed in his show so much that he knew that the rewards would come. He said they may come slower but he knew they would come. Howard said when you go out and rip off the audience, you just become another one of those jerks who does that. Howard said that he wanted to have some integrity behind his show.
Howard said he turned down keychain scam after keychain scam. Howard said he's had offers to put out CD-ROMs but if he ever does that it's going to change the industry. Howard said he has purposely backed off of stuff like that.
Howard said he has a problem now. He wants these guys to make money but there are sharks out there who get a hold of his guys and see the money coming in. They get people from the show to do show that's going to suck and all disaster strikes. Robin heard there was supposed to be a bikini contest but only one girl showed up.
Howard said that he wants them to listen to him. He said that this is why he has never tried to get t-shirts made for Gary ''Baba Booey'' or Stuttering John. He said that people want to wear stuff because he's into it, not because of Gary.
Howard said that Gary's talent is smiling and showing those disgraceful caps of his. He said that if Gary gets calls to appear somewhere that's fine. He said that he turned his back on him and plotted this show with Ron Delzner. Howard said he should put out a Baba Booey t-shirt and keychain.
Howard said he had problems with John too. He said he knew about John's book deal two weeks before he told him about it. He said he shut that down two weeks before he told him about it. John said he still told Howard about it. Howard told John to just rape him now. He bent over and told him to give it to him now. Howard told him to just ''rape me now!''
Howard said he's going to do what Jackie is doing and sell everything he can possibly think up. Howard said people must wonder what the hell happened to them when they get back from his shows.
Howard said he's as smart as they come and he sees through everyone. He said that people are inherently evil and they will screw you if they can. Howard said he's not trying to keep John down. He said that there is a way to cash in on his name and there is a time to back off. He said John should know how to do it by now.
Howard said when he gets book proposals with his material in them then he knows that people are going behind his back. John said that's not what he was doing. Howard said he's turned down a fortune in merchandising scams. He said that he doesn't sell t-shirts and things because he respects his show. Howard said that there was a time when he almost got fired because he didn't let the company put out Howard Stern coffee mugs.
Howard said he doesn't even want the K-Rock t-shirts with his name on them put out. He told them no to that too. Howard said he believes that the show is more than just another dopey radio show. He said if they go that route then they look like jerks. Howard said Morton Downey was like that and he sold junk like that. Rush Limbaugh is the same way.
Howard said he's very protective of his name and he doesn't need this kind of stuff going on. He told John to tell his buddy Baba Booey to calm down with it too.
Howard said that he still doesn't know the details of what's going on with the show they did in Atlantic City. He said that Gary has yet to come to him and let him know.
Howard told John to come and rape him again. He said that John is no dumber than Tom Chiusano because Tom was asking him to approve them putting his name on products they could give out. Howard said that he didn't need to do that and he won't do it.
John told Howard that they're going to get offers like this because they are so famous. He said he tries to tell Gary and Howard about it when he gets these offers. Howard said he knows about what John was up to with the book. Howard said he didn't want to be a bad guy but he's a sap for a guy down on his luck. He said he has to stop that.
Howard told John that he could probably run the station better than Tom can. Tom came in a short time later and Howard told him that it took him a long time to understand why he doesn't do these things. Tom said he remembers being a quick study. Howard said it was only 5 years or so.
Howard said that they had this idea for a Howard Stern Store when they started there. Howard said he didn't want to do that so he put a stop to it. Howard said he's better than Mark and Brian and those kind of guys.
Howard ended up getting into it with Tom over his hiring of The Greaseman. Howard said that he's like steak to the Greaseman being like a plastic cup.
Howard said he likes that John isn't laughing at him. He's taking him seriously. John said he hopes that Gary comes in tomorrow.
Howard said that Gary had better come in and he'd better not hear that he's out in Dallas this weekend. He said that he has to be ready for the next week of shows. Howard said that Ron Delzner must hypnotize his guys or something and fool them into doing these shows. Howard said that Ron is benefiting from doing these shows. Tom said ''That's Ron...''
Howard said he kills movie deals over merchandising. He said that New Line wanted to sell Howard Stern stuff and Fartman dolls but he didn't want to do that so he backed out of the deal.
Howard said that Jackie sells his products but they make it clear that it's Jackie selling that crap, not him. Howard said that's why they don't have a problem with Jackie doing that.
Ralph came in and told Howard that John is willing to try anything and he doesn't put any thought into it. Howard said that thought he does put into it isn't good thought. Howard said Ralph is right. Howard told John that he has to make sure that he doesn't bite the hand that feeds him. He said he was done with the conversation because he's worn out from it.
Howard said that Jackie came to him and had this desire to sell his stuff as a form of payment. He said that they just can't abuse his name. Jackie used to do that but they got him straightened out and now they're fine. Howard said he just has to get John straightened out too.
Howard said he heard about the stuff they were doing at this show in Atlantic City with Elephant Boy and there was no planning there. He said that Gary called Elephant Boy up on stage and just told him to ''say something'' and Elephant Boy had nothing to say. Howard said this is what turns his audience off of the show.
Howard told John he could leave now because he's done with the yelling. He said he likes Billy West, Fred, Robin and even Ralph because they don't do this kind of thing. Howard let Ralph go a short time later.
Howard said that he doesn't want John bringing tapes of the show on Conan's show anymore either. Howard said he's sick of that stuff too. Howard said he had to take a break so he could cool down from all of this. me="04031995">
In the clip we heard Howard talking to a caller who had an article about Kato Kaelin making an appearance somewhere to raise money for Cerebral Palsy. Howard said that Kato comes off being very stupid and he doesn't understand why people feel they have to buy into this stuff.
Howard said that Kato is like Jackie in a way. He ended up goofing on Jackie for selling his Jackie memorabilia. Howard said they must wake up the next morning thinking that they got ripped off. Howard said they must wonder what they're going to do with that stuff.
Howard asked Jackie how he sells the stuff. Jackie said he signs autographs and signs whatever they want. He said he invites everyone up just like a snake oil salesman would.
Gary told Howard he's seen Jackie selling his stuff and he explained to him how he pitches the stuff to people. Howard asked Jackie how he says goodbye to everyone and then asks them to buy stuff. Jackie said he holds up a shirt that people can win if they Stump the Joke Man. He said he then asks anyone who wants to buy something to step right up.
Howard ended up goofing on Jackie for a few minutes and Gary was telling him how Jackie will run around selling stuff and giving people money so it's a whole state of confusion. Billy West was sitting in so he did impressions of Jackie selling his stuff. Howard said Jackie gets paid well and he still has to sell his stuff. He said you'd think that the pay would be enough.
Howard and Billy continued to goof on Jackie for a few minutes. Billy was doing his Jackie impression with the Jackie Puppet in his hand. He was right behind Jackie so the puppet kept getting closer to his head. Billy was making sounds like Jackie's laugh, his sneeze and other things. They wrapped up a short time later.
In this clip we heard Howard talking about how secretive Fred is and how he never shows them what he has in that bag he carries around. Fred was out of the studio so Howard talked about the bag and how he would like to just go into the bag to see what's in there.
Jackie said that would be a great bit to tie up Fred and go through his bag. Howard told Jackie to find the bag so they could go through it. The bag was in the studio so Jackie found it and gave it to Howard. Howard told Gary to watch the door.
Howard found 7 bananas, a video cassette with no label, some guitar stuff, magazines, notes and more. Howard went through the notes and said there were notes about all kinds of stuff. Howard told Gary that if Fred catches him doing this he's a dead man.
Howard said Fred didn't have anything good in there. He went through more of the stuff and found a Screw magazine and some other stuff. Howard told Jackie to take it back quickly before Fred returned.
Robin said she thought he had a bunch of stuff in there. Jackie said he was breaking out in a sweat. Howard said he was too.
Fred came back so Howard asked him what he was doing. He was working on something outside of the studio. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Fred said he knew what Howard did. Howard said Fred is always angry. He told him to blame Robin for what he did. Howard then blamed Jackie. Fred said he knew it was him.
Howard said he thought Fred had scripts in his bag but there were none there. Fred then asked if he looked in his bag. Fred said he was out of song parodies and scripts. He didn't know that Howard had gone through his bag.
After an edit we heard Howard talking about how fast Robin runs out of there after the show. She's busy working on her apartment. Robin said she's worried about what goes on there.
Howard was talking about playing a game called Past Lives back in his office but he ended up goofing on Fred for always spilling his syrup in the office. Howard said they have to get that ritual on video of Fred eating and spilling his syrup all over the desk.
Fred said that Howard went over the line going through his bag. Howard said he had to. Fred said it wasn't right. Howard figured he had time to think about it and that's why he was mad now.
Howard told Fred he should show him his ideas when he has them. Fred said he does that. He said that when the scripts are done he will show them to him. Howard said that Fred is now leaving the room with his bag and not leaving it behind.
Howard said that it was exciting to go through Fred's bag. Jackie said the only other time he ever had that feeling was the time they moved Becky's stuffed monkey after she told them that she'd freak out if anyone touched it. Howard said she knew that they touched it that day too. Howard said it was a great high going through Fred's bag. He said it was better than shoplifting.
Howard said Fred seemed okay about the whole thing the other day. Fred said he was in shock when he found out what they did. He said he's never seen anyone be that nervy. Fred said that took a lot of nerve to do that.
Howard said it was fun. He said that it was great when Fred wasn't there and they didn't ask permission to go through his stuff. Fred said he never would have said yes to them going through it. Howard said that's not the idea there. Howard told Robin it was a bad idea she had to go through Fred's bag. Howard blamed her and then blamed Jackie for the idea. They moved on after that.
In the clip we heard Howard talking to Penn from Penn and Teller. Howard was going to be giving away tickets to a show and he thought that maybe he should give some to his sister since he wasn't able to give her a ton of tickets to the Madison Square Garden show they did. Howard said he hadn't heard from her for a while.
Howard called Ellen and she said that Howard promised him tickets to the US Open Sores thing. Ellen said that she went out to dinner with Howard and saw him sitting there with a sour puss on his face. Howard said that there was a guy at the restaurant staring at him. Howard said the guy looked like he was in love with him.
Howard said that he can't just ignore the guy. He said he will sign an autograph for the guy but he doesn't want people staring at him. Howard said his nose runs all the time when he eats so he has to wipe his nose all the time.
Ellen said that Howard told her that everyone was asking him for tickets to the event they held. Howard said that was her side of the story. He said he had his own side. Howard said his sister called and asked him for 6 tickets. He said he wanted to be a big man with his sister so he said he could get them for her. Penn said they had a 16,000 seat event and he only got her 6 tickets? Howard said that's what everyone thinks.
Ellen said that Howard should have been able to give her 20 tickets. Howard said he should be able to give his sister tickets but he only had a limited number to give out. Howard said he had 10 free tickets left so he went out and bought some extras. He said that he had to buy the tickets for some people. Ellen didn't know that. She said that he should have told her that. Howard said he didn't want her thinking about it.
Howard said that he didn't pay for the tickets for his sister. Howard said he doesn't even want his family at an event like that. Ellen said that's not right.
Howard said that he doesn't have a lot of tickets to give his family. Ellen said she needs to know if she can bring people and she needs to know how many people she can invite. Howard said that he doesn't need her bringing a ton of people with her. Howard said even his parents don't ask for tickets.
Ellen said she never thought the event would sell out. Penn yelled at her that her brother is a superstar. Gary came in and said that Howard's secretary is asking where her tickets are. Howard said she's working that night. Howard said he can't get anyone any tickets.
Howard told Ellen she has to tell people that he can't get anymore tickets. Howard said his friend Dr. Lou asked him for tickets and he didn't have any for him either. Howard said he called Lou's wife last night and told her that he can only get her and Lou into the event. He said that he can't just give them six tickets.
Howard kept explaining to Ellen that he only had a limited number of tickets. He said that Ellen shouldn't have asked for 6 at once. Ellen said that he was the one who told her that he'd get her 6. She said she didn't ask for them, he offered them. Howard said he will try to get her more tickets but he'll have to buy them. He said he has to go to the box office and buy them himself.
Howard said that he will buy the tickets but he doesn't have them. Penn said that he'd pay for them if he'd stop with this.
Howard said he has to give tickets to his parents even though he doesn't want them there. Ellen said that's terrible to say. Howard said they listen to him every morning but it's a pain in the ass when they show up to stuff he does. He said it's bad enough that they listen and comment on everything he does.
Gary came in and said that there was a guy on the phone saying that he had two extra tickets for Ellen. She would take them if she was going to be able to sit next to her friends. Penn said that this has to be some demon spawn on the phone saying that. He said it must be Billy West pretending to be his sister.
Howard said he doesn't have enough tickets and no one understands that. He said that people are all giving him a hard time about the whole thing.
Howard said Ellen wants to sit and talk to her friends at this event so she won't pay attention. He told her that she should sit there alone and pay attention. They went on like that for a few more minutes before Howard let Ellen go.
In the clip we heard Howard wrapping up his show and talking about DJ Meg Griffin and how he wanted to see her in a bikini. Meg came in and got pissed at Howard about the way he was talking about her. She said that Howard should have more respect for women.
Howard said that she's an angry woman. He said that he was standing up for women today on the show. She said he did today but he should do it more often. Howard told her not to get so defensive. He told her to just come in there, paint her lips and get along.
Howard said that he was against this guy Judge Clarence Thomas and what he allegedly did. Howard said that should have gotten Meg on his side. Meg said that was good that he was against him.
Howard and Meg spent a few minutes talking about what she's up to and how things are going with her. She's got a man and she's not looking for anyone else. Meg said she hasn't been looking for a long time.
Howard got in some more of the plugs for the end of the show and had some more questions for Meg before he ended it.
Howard talked to Meg about the guy's that she has dated and married and how she seems to find the same guys over and over again.
Howard talked to Meg about this guy Long Dong Silver and how big he was in the pants. Howard asked Meg if she's ever had jungle fever. Meg wasn't saying much during the sex discussions. Howard asked Meg if she had ever seen a horse get aroused. Fred threw in some sound effects and Meg said that her horse is a gelding so she's never seen that.
Howard asked Meg if there is a warm side to her or if she's got this tough side all the time. She said she does have a warm side.
Meg said that Howard carries himself like he's doing all of this stuff for freedom of speech but it's just so he can have a foul mouth. She said that it's not going to last forever. Howard said he doesn't care and he'll be there longer than Meg will. She said that Howard is busy pumping up his stardom instead of spending time with his kids.
Howard said that Meg should worry about her own kids and not his kids. She said she does worry about her kids. She told Howard that he's too busy writing bad scripts that will never be made into movies.
Howard and Meg went back and forth and Howard said that Meg loves what he does and she listens every day. Robin said that the two of them are incredible. She asked what they were getting so upset about. Howard asked Meg why she listens and why she cares. Meg said she works there and she wants to hear what they're up to.
Howard and Meg kept going back and forth with their jabs at each other. Howard said he thinks that Meg is upset because they started out in radio at the same time, on the same station and he's more popular than she is. Meg didn't seem to think that was the case. She said that she's doing just fine herself.
Howard said Meg is in love with him and that's why she's so passionate about this. Meg didn't see it that way though. Howard told Meg he had to go. He was exhausted. Howard told Meg to lighten up. She wasn't interested in doing what he tells her to do.
Howard said he can't imagine having to go home to Meg and listen to her going off on him about what he did on the show.
Robin told Meg that there's nothing wrong with making people laugh. Howard said that he didn't grow up a rich kid in Westchester like she did. Meg said she didn't grow up rich and she's not rich now.
Howard said he enjoys having Meg in there. She thought he ''dragged'' her in there but Howard said that wasn't the case. Howard said he likes her and he wants to talk to her. Meg said she thinks that the studio is like Dante's Inferno. They wrapped up a short time later.
Ronnie The Limo Driver's Birthday Dinner Controversy. 01/13/04. 6:15am
Howard talked about David Letterman's appearance on the show yesterday. He said that one of the things the papers picked up on was when Dave said he'll never quit his job, he'll have to be fired. Howard said they also liked the stuff Dave mentioned about his girlfriend and how he won't have her on his show. Howard went on to read one of the articles about the appearance. They quoted some of the stuff he mentioned about his baby Harry and his girlfriend.
Howard talked about how meaningful his birthday celebration was over the weekend. He said he told Beth that his birthday was done and he wanted to do something next weekend. Beth told him he can't do anything on Saturday night because she had something planned for him. Beth said that they're going somewhere but he doesn't want to go. He said he has something he wanted to do with some other people. He doesn't want anymore birthday celebrations. He said he started getting angry during the discussion. Robin said she knows something about it but wouldn't tell him what it was about.
Howard said that it turns out that Ronnie the Limo Driver has a dinner planned for Howard. Howard said he doesn't want to do this stuff every weekend. Ronnie came in and said that it wasn't a surprise party like he thought it was. Howard asked Ronnie to get off his back and leave him alone. He said he doesn't want a party. Ronnie kept saying that it's not a party, it's just old friends. Howard told him that he's ruining his Saturday night out. Ronnie told him that he has Sunday night to do stuff. The two of them went at each other for a short time after that.
Howard seems to think that Ronnie is doing this because Robin didn't invite him to her party. Ronnie said that this was planned before that happened. He told Howard that it's his old friends Wayne, Neil and Joe that are just getting together to have dinner. It's not a party. He said that Laura his assistant is also going to be there. Howard said that Saturday is his one free night and this is ruining it. Howard said if Robin had invited Ronnie to her party, he wouldn't have to go through this. He wants that Saturday night to be what he wants it to be.
Howard said that he was angry at Beth for keeping this a secret. Ronnie said that he asked Beth to keep it quiet after asking her if Howard was going to be free this Saturday. Howard told Ronnie to plan a dinner during the week, not on that one free day he has to himself. He told Ronnie that he's very selfish inviting Joe to the dinner because he's not his friend.
Howard said he was talking to a friend of his and Ronnie's last night and when he told him about the party, the guy asked him why Ronnie was still in his life. Howard wouldn't say who that person was because he didn't want Ronnie going off on him.
Ronnie told Howard that it wasn't going to be a surprise birthday show. He said they were keeping it quiet because they knew that he wouldn't want to go. Howard said it was a surprise because he wanted Beth to keep it quiet. Ronnie said that Howard is so unappreciative and didn't understand that. Howard told Ronnie to look him in the eye and told him that he loves him and he's a dear friend.
Beth called in during this arguing and said that Ronnie told her that he was trying to figure out what to do for Howard for his birthday. Ronnie said that he heard from some of his old friends who wanted to get together and this is what he planned. Beth said that she had to tell Howard because he was so upset about the whole thing. Howard told Beth that this guy Joe was going to be there and Beth didn't even know who he was. Howard said that he's Ronnie's buddy. Howard thought it was pretty funny that Scott the Engineer wasn't invited again.
Howard told Ronnie that he will not go to dinner with all of those people. He said he just doesn't want 11 people sitting with him in a restaurant this weekend. He said he will go to dinner with Ronnie and his wife alone, but not with that many people. He told Ronnie if he wants to go to dinner with all of those other people, he'll go with them when he wants. Howard asked him to at least make the group smaller but he wasn't going to do that. He told Howard that if he's going to cancel, he has to call all of the other people and let them know why he's not going. Howard told Gary to get all of them on the line so he could explain it to them.
Howard said he really doesn't enjoy what he's planning and his birthday celebration is over now. He said he's a different man than he used to be and doesn't want to get together with that group of people. He said that his relationship with Ronnie has been damaged because of this. He then said that he would go. Ronnie told him he doesn't have to go. Beth said that she'd love to go and that they should sit her next to Joe, who she doesn't even know.
Howard said that he loves going to dinner with all of these guys once in a while to play cards and stuff like that. He doesn't want to get together with those guys and their wives. He's not into that. He said he wouldn't mind going to Scores or something like that, he just doesn't want to go out with the wives and the guys who are different people when they're with their wives. He said Ronnie has to be kidding with that stuff. He said if he'd planned something with just the guys, it would have been okay.
Howard talked about how Beth was freaking out last night when he asked her what the Saturday night plans were. Howard continued to go off on Ronnie even after he'd left the studio. Ronnie came back in and Howard asked him why his birthday celebration (at Scores) was fun and this one was going to suck. After explaining to Ronnie that Neil is a completely different person when he's with his wife, Ronnie started to get it. He seemed to understand what he was talking about at that point. Howard said his whole birthday was going to be ruined but he was going to go if Ronnie wanted him to. He asked him again to slim down the number of people.
Artie told Howard that he doesn't have any buddies who plan dinner parties. He and Howard talked about how no guy in their right mind plans something like that. Howard said that Ronnie is one of his most masculine men friends and he's planning a dinner party. It sounded like Howard was going to wrap up the segment but he continued to complain about the whole thing. He said that all of the guys would be sitting there behaving themselves at dinner if the wives are there. Howard said that no one with tires as end tables (Ronnie) should be planning parties. He also said that Ronnie is not going to Las Vegas this year. He's going to leave him home to sit there with his wife.
Ronnie finally left the studio and wouldn't return. Howard took some more phone calls. A guy said that Howard never liked to go out with his wife so why would he want to go out with his friend's wives. Howard said it had nothing to do with his wife. He said that when he goes out with ''the guys'' he wants to have fun. Ronnie came back in a short time later but Howard said he had to take a break. The show had gone an hour without a commercial break.
Howard and Ronnie talked about Benjy coming in late every morning for a minute. Howard told Ronnie to keep Benjy out in the lobby if he comes in late from now on. He also took a quick phone call from Mariann from Brooklyn before going to break.
More Arguing With Ronnie The Limo Driver. 01/13/04. 7:10am
Howard asked Artie about Roger Clemens and how he's playing for the Houston Astros this season even after the retired from the NY Yankees last season. Howard wondered why they're calling him a rat. Artie said the guy could still pitch and the Yankees could have used him but he retired. Now he's going to the Astros because they're close to where he lives and he's got some buddies on the team. Howard didn't know if he should feel he's a rat or not. Artie said that it was possible he was thinking of pitching for the Olympic team and maybe he just changed his mind. Howard said he wasn't a fan of his because he aims at guy's heads sometimes.
Howard couldn't get over the dinner Ronnie had planned for him. He and Robin talked about how much the guys change when they're out to dinner with their wives. Howard said that Ronnie really screwed him with that whole thing. Ronnie came running in again and said he thought this was all over with. He also said that Scott the Engineer was out there all pissed off because he wasn't invited to the party. He told Howard that if he wants to cancel this thing, he has to call all of the other guys and tell them why. Scott came in a short time later and said he was just busting Ronnie's balls over it. He wasn't really upset about not being invited.
Ronnie said that they always have fun when they go out together. Howard said that all of the guys change when they're out with their wives. They get really subdued compared to what they're like when they're alone. Howard and Ronnie continued their arguing about the dinner. Howard said that Ronnie was just thinking of himself in this whole thing. Dominic Barbara called in and suggested that they go to Atlantic City instead. Howard said that would be a good idea. Ronnie said they don't get invited to Foxwoods (casino) when Howard and Dominic go so he wouldn't do something like that. Howard said that Ronnie could have planned a trip to A.C. and it would have been great. He created a nightmare for him instead. Howard said he'd rather sit at home alone and watch a movie. He told Ronnie that he wanted to drop the whole thing already. Ronnie continued to yell as he was leaving the studio. He came back a few seconds later and told Howard that he has to cancel the party if he doesn't want to go. Howard said he's not doing that but he's not going to show up to the party.
A caller told Howard that he thinks this was all brought about by the ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'' thing. He seems to think that the gay part of the whole thing was brought on by that. Ronnie came back to the microphone again but Howard wanted to drop it already. Ronnie was yelling so you could hear him across the studio. Howard put his microphone back on and argued again. Ronnie said that Howard's mother would be upset with him if she heard all of this going on.
A listener called in and said that Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' cape should be ripped away from him because of all of this. Another caller said that Ronnie was annoying him. Howard finally moved on to other stuff after that.
In the clip Howard was talking to Stuttering John about not having his tapes ready for him on time. Howard told Gary that he should have that stuff ready as well.
Howard spent a few minutes telling John and Gary that they were wrong. John and Gary were blaming the engineers for not having the stuff ready. Howard said that Gary has to take control of all of that and make sure it gets done.
Fred did his Gary Puppet impression during that segment and goofed on Gary. Billy West was also doing his Stuttering John impression and goofing on him.
Howard said that they had this new intern to replace John and they may have to use him instead. John said that wasn't fair and Howard is always threatening to replace him.
Billy and Fred continued to goof on John even when he asked him to please let him keep his job. Howard told him to just make sure that Gary gets the tape so he can have it ready for the show.
Howard let John go after a while. He told him that he was done and he was going to move on and talk to Robin. John wasn't leaving so Howard told him to just leave. John said he had to deal with Gange out in the hall now.
Gary told Howard he had the new stutterer on the phone. This guy, Vic, was on the phone so Howard asked if they could call him John. Vic wasn't up for that so Howard just named him Stuttering Vic. Howard asked him some questions so they could hear his stutter. Howard and the guys seemed to like it.
Howard found out that Vic is into computers and he knows a lot about operating systems and stuff. Howard said he loves OS2 but Vic said that it's not going to sell. He said it is a great operating system but it's not going to sell.
Howard asked Vic about taking over for John and told him that he was going to set him up on a date with John's girlfriend and things like that. Howard said he sounded like a really nice guy too. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about how long Pat Cooper had been in there the day before ranting. He was only in there for 4 minutes. Howard said Pat was out in the hallway ranting for about 27 minutes. Howard said Jackie was trying to console Pat out in the hall but that wasn't working.
Howard said that they were on the air the day before and they had Pat on the show before. Howard said he's seen Pat on other shows lately ever since he had him on. Howard said Pat was always good on his show and no one else had him on their shows until he did.
Howard said that they had some people call in with some information about what Pat had said about him on other shows and off the air. Howard said he's fine with whatever Pat has to say but they had gotten some calls over the weeks saying that Pat was bad mouthing him all over the place. The fans are always watching out for him so they called in with the information they had about him. Howard said Pat didn't really deny any of what they were saying.
Howard said they asked Pat to come in and talk about this and Pat freaked out right away. Howard said he wanted to have some of the people there to tell him what they heard him say. Pat caught wind of that and took it hard that he would believe these people. Howard said he still believes those people. He said that they couldn't have set this up. Gary agreed.
Howard said Pat should have come in and just admitted that he did this. He said Pat didn't want to do that and denied it all. Howard said he and Pat got into an argument and it was very funny. He replayed the audio of that argument after that.
In the audio Pat was saying that Howard was wrong for doing things the way he was doing. He said that he got him all riled up. Pat said he should have called him as Pat Cooper and he's a genius of himself. He asked Howard why he has an idol like Sam Kinison when all he was is a drug addict. Howard said that he was a brilliant comedian too. Pat said that he wasn't brilliant but Howard said that Pat used to go around telling him that he was a great guy. Pat said that wasn't true.
Howard asked Pat if Sam was a great comedian. Pat said he wasn't and he had never even met the guy. Howard said he tells Pat what a great comedian he is too. Pat said he tells him that after he tells Jackie Mason that he's great too.
Pat said he wanted to defend his dignity but Howard wasn't letting him. Howard and Pat kept going back and forth and Pat would repeat himself over and over when he came up with something he wanted to get across. Pat eventually walked out of the studio.
After playing the clip Howard said Pat is the best. He said that bit was great. Howard said that was only 4 minutes. Robin said it was hysterical.
Howard said Pat has a lot of things going on in his head. He said that Pat had some issues with him going on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno first and thinking that he was in the A-crowd and he's treating other people like they're not as good as he is. Howard said it's sad that Pat has all of this in his head.
Howard said he has given Pat an open door to come on the show at any time and they've never done that for anyone but Sam Kinison. Howard said that he's treated Pat like an A-lister and he's not sure why he thinks he hasn't.
Howard said he was reading about the show on the internet and people didn't even know who Pat Cooper was. Howard said he thinks that they've helped him out a lot by letting him on the show.
Howard said that he doesn't care that Pat is bad mouthing him. He said he forgives him for that. Gary said Pat seems to think that he shouldn't have to be forgiven.
Howard said he had Pat on the show because something cool is going on and the guy doesn't have a sense of humor about himself. He wants to talk about this situation and you just can't win with Pat. His dignity is always hurt. Howard said this is from a guy who doesn't even speak to his own family. Billy West did a little bit of his impression of Pat talking about how they can't take his dignity away.
Gary said they have a clip of Pat talking about how they can't take his dignity away from him seven times in a row. Howard and Billy reenacted a scene from the segment where Pat kept repeating himself. Howard had Billy reading from a script that they had written.
Howard played some audio from the E! camera where Pat was in the green room being interviewed before the interview and he was saying that they had asked him to come in and it was ''about time'' that they had invited him in. Howard said that Pat has an open invitation to come in so he's not sure why he would say that.
Howard played more of the audio where Pat was talking about what they were planning to do to him and how it was going to turn into a war if that's what they actually do. Pat said if he does that then he has no respect for him. Pat said that he's got no balls to do that to someone like him but not to do it to someone like Leno or Letterman. Howard said he built his career on balls so Pat is wrong about that.
Howard played more of the audio of Pat going on and on in the green room about what was going on. Pat said that what they heard about him bad mouthing Howard was wrong. Pat asked if Howard thinks he's god or something for making him come in there at 6 in the morning.
Howard wondered why Pat hates him. Robin said that Pat doesn't hate him, he has an inferiority complex. She said that this is the stuff that Pat is telling himself. Pat thinks that he's a contributor for the show and he can't believe that Howard isn't treating him the way he does Leno and Letterman.
Howard played more of the audio of Pat going off on him. Pat was saying that Gary is the fall guy too and he does whatever Howard tells him to do. Howard said he's never even told Gary what to do with Pat. Gary said that's true and they just let Pat come in and talk about whatever he wants.
Howard said he's always shocked when this happens with Pat. He said he's been so good to him and this is what happens.
In the tape Pat was going off on the three people who were there claiming that they heard him say something about Howard. He said that if they were honest they wouldn't do something like that. Pat said he doesn't use the show to advertise like some people do. Pat thinks that Howard is up Roseanne's ass now that she's coming on the show and that's wrong too. Pat said that you don't fuck with a person's life or a person's dignity.
Howard said Pat may be listening to the show too much. Jackie said he may be getting a lot of this information second hand and that's even more dangerous.
Howard pointed out some more of Pat repeating himself so Billy did his impression of him doing that. Howard said he could listen to the tapes all day long. He said they're going to put it to music like an Opera.
Howard played the last few seconds of that one tape. Pat was still freaking out on him and he hadn't even been in the studio yet.
Gary said that there's one thing that really irritates Pat. He said they had him to a birthday show one year and they haven't had him back since. That really bothers him for some reason. Gary said Pat would drop a comment in passing that he was okay with not being invited. Howard said they have to mix it up at those shows. He said he really does like Pat though.
Howard said he thought Pat had a sense of humor but he doesn't. Gary said Pat has talked about how funny some of the stuff they've done is. He said he loved the ''All in the Pat Cooper Family'' bit they did. Howard said they should play that.
After an edited out break we heard Howard come back with more of the Pat Cooper stuff. Billy was doing an impression of Jackie the Joke Man doing his Pat Cooper impression.
Howard played more tape of Stuttering John talking to Pat Cooper. Pat was going nuts saying that they have sweeps month on the radio but Stuttering John said they don't even have sweeps on radio. Pat said they do have it in November.
Robin said that Pat was upset that he hadn't been called in to do the old E! show so he wasn't happy about being on this new E! show. Howard said that Robin knows too much about this.
Howard said the truth is that he asked the E! people to invite Pat to do an interview but they told him to hold off on that and interview him later. Howard said they did one season of that show and then brought the E! cameras into the studio instead.
Howard went through more of the tape and listened to Pat going nuts about him. He kept mentioning Chuck Norris and Howard remembered that he had Chuck over to his house. Howard said he had him over as a goof and he never has people over. Howard said Chuck asked him if he could come over too. Howard said this guy doesn't understand any of this.
Pat was telling John not to put him in ''B-company.'' John told him that he's not in B-company. Jackie said this tape was like someone took a bunch of tacks, put them in Pat's head and shook it up.
Howard played more of the tape and Pat went on and on complaining about the way he's being treated by Howard. Howard said he has no sense of humor about himself.
Howard would play a little bit of the tape and then comment on the stuff Pat was saying. They did this through the whole clip of Pat rambling on and on about what his problems are with Howard.
Howard said that Pat is saying that the show is all about Tits and Ass and that's it. Howard said he's angry at him about that. Howard said that Pat thinks he's over but he's bigger than Pat ever was. Robin said that they always go too far. Howard said Jackie is so good at his impression because he goes home and says the same thing.
Howard played more of Pat rambling right before Gary called him into the studio. Then after Pat left they caught him at the elevator. They only had 42 seconds with him there though.
Jackie and Gary followed Pat to the elevator and tried to calm him down. Howard said that Jackie helped work things out with Patti David Reagan too. Howard said he was all worked up about that. Jackie and Gary caught Pat at the elevator and Pat was still yelling as the doors were closing.
Jackie said that there was like a glow around Pat from his anger. He said they couldn't get close to him because of that.
Howard played the audio of Pat walking away and telling Gary ''fuck you'' and saying ''No more!'' as he was walking away. Pat said that he was being pushed aside and he didn't want to be loved no more. Pat got into the elevator and disappeared.
Fred played a clip from the movie ''And Justice For All'' that sounded like Pat Cooper. They all said that they love Pat after hearing all of that stuff. Jackie said that Pat was the definition of ''seeing red.'' Pat even called Gary ''Larry'' as he was walking out. Fred thought it was ''Mary.''
Howard told Gary he has to get Pat back on the show. If he doesn't get him back on he's fired. Howard wanted to call Pat live on the air to get him back on.
Howard replayed the audio clip of Pat leaving and Billy West did more of his Pat Cooper impression. Jackie said that the beeping in the clip was the elevator doors closing. He was still rambling as the doors closed.
After an edited out break Howard tried to get Pat on the phone. He called Pat's number and got his answering machine. They left Pat a long message just goofing around with him. Billy was doing his impression of Pat and the guys were telling Pat how much they love him. Pat never picked up. They eventually gave up and ended the segment.
Today's Fight Week: Round 2 was over around 12:05pm.
Various Stuff. 4/7/00. 6:05am
Howard told Robin that he was going to go see the new Matthew McConaughey movie after the show today. He thought that Robin was informed about it and that she'd be going but it turns out that Gary failed to tell anyone this morning.
Gary said that he had Howard's assistant on the job but no one had been informed yet. Howard then had to yell at Gary for not following up on the work that he had delegated to someone else. Gary tried to tell Howard that it was Laura's fault for not telling everyone about the movie but Howard puts the full blame on him. He told Gary that he's the one who's supposed to make sure the job gets done but he didn't.
Gary finally took the blame and printed up the info on the movie and passed it out to everyone that was supposed to be invited.
Howard Wins Lottery! 5/10/00. 7:15am
Howard got a couple of Big Game lottery tickets yesterday so he was checking the numbers this morning. He won!... a dollar. He had the ''big money ball'' number so he won a whole dollar.
The subject soon changed and Howard and Gary went at each other over who's better at sports. Gary plays in a softball team and Howard said he'd like to play. Gary asked him how good he was and Howard said he's played a few games recently with the guys from his gym. For the next 15 minutes they argued about who was good at sports and who wasn't. Howard argued that he beat Gary in tennis off camera but Gary beat him on camera. Gary said the off camera game didn't count.
The Prince Of All Losers on the air. 2-9-96. I got Howard on a roll this morning. I called in and asked him if he would do his bit on the movie 'Nell.' He told me that he'd get to it today. He went to commercial and after the break he freaked. He had asked for the 'Nell' tapes while on the phone with me but no one brought them in during the break. He went off on Gary and Stuttering John for about an hour! He finally got around to doing the 'Nell' bit after another break.
(The following was added on 10/01/09) While Howard was going off on John and Gary he mentioned that John failed to tell him about a phone call he got from a big star yesterday. Howard said he needs to have a professional answering his phones.
John told Howard he took the call from the producer's assistant and the assistant told him it wasn't an important call. Howard said that John should tell him about the call anyway. He should have handed him a note about it. Howard said he could have told him it wasn't important but maybe he would have wanted to call the guy back.
Howard said he heard that John told the guy that he was in a meeting and he didn't take a message. John said that's not the way it went down.
Gary told John that he knew that call was important so he should have told him about it at least. Howard said he wanted to talk to the guy and he should have told him about the call. John said that's why he freaked out on the intern. He said he was told by the assistant that they were going to call back if the call was considered important. He never got that call back.
Howard said they need someone there who is accountable for the calls they take there. Howard said he's going to hire someone to answer those phones who can do it correctly. Howard said he's going to hire a Hitler that can run the office back there.
Howard told Gary and John that their day is coming. Gary said his day isn't coming anytime soon. Gary called Howard a loudmouth so Robin pointed that out to Howard. Howard told Gary that you don't call your boss a loudmouth. He said he lets him get away with it because he's too nice of a guy. He said he's going to hire a Nazi to take control of that office and they're going to have the power to fire people. Howard said he won't have anything to do with the position. Howard said he will find that person and that person is going to be a ball buster.
Howard asked John where his ''Nell'' tape was. John said he was caught up in other stuff and he didn't get it to him. Howard said John can't handle this office work. He said he's good at asking questions but he's not great on the phones.
Gary asked Howard what he wanted to do next. He gave him a list of things to do and Howard just said ''What?'' like he didn't hear a word he said.
Howard went off on Gary for not putting someone through on the phone and John told him he has to watch the movie ''Swimming With Sharks.'' He seemed to think that this was similar to something in the movie.
Howard lectured Gary on how he runs things there too. He asked the two of them to leave the studio and tried to move on. Howard said he wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. Gary asked him if treating people like this gives him the biggest orgasm. Howard said it really doesn't. Howard said he blows a stack when he thinks about all of this stuff going on.
Howard told the two of them to get out of there. Gary kept talking and wouldn't leave. Howard said this was ridiculous. He said he just wanted a phone call handed to him.
Howard said the other day the president of the company, Mel Karmazin, needed to see him. He said that his assistant called trying to get him. Howard said that he would take a call from Mel before he'd take a call from God. Howard said he can't fault the interns but guys like John and Gary should know that he has to take that call.
Gary came back in and told Howard and Robin about the interns reading a manual they have so they know the names of the important people who call there. He said that they do teach them who they need to know about. Robin didn't think they did but Gary told her they did.
Howard said that he's pissed at Tom Chiusano too because he sees all of this going on and just stands there saying that something needs to be done.
Howard asked where his ''Nell'' tape was. He said he still didn't have it. Gary joked that he couldn't find it and asked if this was his ass or his elbow. They wrapped up after that.
In this clip we heard Howard talking about Fred and how he doesn't hand in any work lately. Howard said he wants Fred to start doing stuff on his own. Fred said that's fine with him. He claimed that he just turned in some stuff the week before.
After an edit we heard Howard going off on Fred again about not writing stuff for the show. Howard told him to get working on that computer he has. He told Fred to practice typing by writing some bits. Howard told him not to keep this stuff in his bag of tricks.
Howard said that the bit he wrote a couple of weeks ago is good but he hasn't had time to create the bit yet. Howard said he told Fred it sucked as a joke but Fred is taking it seriously. Fred told him not to tell him it sucks and maybe he'll be inspired to write more.
Howard asked Fred if he had anything with him right then. Fred said he has stuff that isn't ready to show him. He said he had something in the bag. Howard asked if he could go through his bag. Fred said he would go through it himself.
Howard said he could have written a bunch of intros for the show in the time it took Fred to argue about this. Howard rattled off a bunch and said that they were good ones too.
Howard said that if Fred had a bit where he let him go through his bag of magic, even that would be great. Howard said Fred had nothing in his bag today. He said he found one Amy Fisher song parody.
Howard said he has 50 weeks of bits in his bag. Howard told Fred he should be contributing to the show. Fred said he does but only when Howard is listening to him.
Howard told Fred to be annoying with his bits and just give him everything. He wants the security of having a thousand bits around him.
Howard told Fred he was a Martian and Fred said ''me too.'' Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that. Howard said he sounds like a Polish army guy... ''one step closer and I'll shoot myself.''
Howard said he was going to take a break but Jackie asked if he could really take that. Howard said he was going to leave.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said that Fred got mad at Robin during the break even though he was mad at him. Fred made fun of Robin's laugh and goofed on her as they were talking about that. Robin was laughing as Fred was telling his side of the story. Fred had wished Robin dead during the break. Fred said he would be happy if she choked to death right then.
Fred said he would go to Robin's funeral and plug his computer in and place the thing on top of her casket. He said if she was on life support he would unplug it just to plug in his computer.
Howard said that things were going okay during the break until Robin came in. Fred said that she's really annoying. Howard asked what she did that made him so nuts.
Jackie and Fred tried to explain it but it sounded like all Robin did was say a word when she came into the studio. Robin had handed Howard a fax about what was going on so that might have been it. Howard said Robin sits next to the fax machine so she has to bring them in.
Howard said Fred went off on Robin just for bringing the fax in. Fred said he was trying to make a point with her and she was denying it.
Fred's CD Dedication. 10/8/97. 7:25am
Fred's band King Norris recently released a CD. Howard just found out about it and read the dedication inside. It's dedicated to Fred's wife Alison. Howard read it on the air and not surprisingly it didn't make much sense. It said something about his wife sticking with him through all of the crap. Howard can't imagine what crap he was talking about.
Howard also played a track off of the album called ''Tearing Down The Walls.'' It's about his relationship with his wife. Robin said that she had to listen to it a bunch of times to try and make sense out of it. She didn't have any luck.
Howard read that Steve Grillo got a dedication too. Fred said that's because he used to show up to a bunch of gigs.
Howard brought up the incident that Fred and his wife had at the Rainbow Room one night. Jackie told Howard about that incident again. He told Howard that the room was rotating and by the time Fred and his wife's table got back to where they were, the table had been cleared and Fred and his wife were gone. Fred said that he bumped the table with his hip and he didn't knock the table over or anything.
Gary said he remembers hearing from that guy who was there who said he saw Fred throw a glass at the wall. Fred went off on Gary and said that maybe they should talk about his marriage too. He said that Gary likes to interject and he has no business doing that with that story. Gary said he was just telling them what that caller said when he was on the air.
Howard asked Fred some questions about what the fight was about at the Rainbow Room. Fred gave some of the details and said that it happened 4 years before. Howard told Fred that he should lay off the drinking because that seems to lead to trouble.
Howard played the track ''Tearing Down the Walls'' from Fred's album. Howard said it was kind of a Latin sound. He and Robin tried to figure out what the lyrics were about. They weren't having any luck figuring them out. Howard asked what the hell he was talking about.
Howard told Fred that he should keep all of this stuff locked up inside of him and not let it all out. He said that a relationship is making yourself look like a hero instead of breaking all of these awful details of his life to her. Howard said he looks like a hero to his kids because of that. Howard played more of Fred's song and said he gets it now. He cut it off and gave Fred some plugs for the CD.
New Prank Call And Fake Arnold Replay. 01/11/06. 6:45am
(Snipped) Howard took another phone call from a guy on the West Coast who said that the show is so much better without the rules and regulations that he has to get up and listen live. Robin said she's had a lot of feedback from people and they're really liking all of the programming they have now. Howard had to take another break after that so he let Fred do his thing. Fred was very upset with himself for not getting everything right because he didn't play a jingle before playing the music bed. Howard told him that he just needs to calm down and not take it so seriously. i>Fight Week: Round 2 - Howard Vs. Jackie, October 20, 1994. 10/01/09. 7:50am
Next up we heard Scott Ferrall introducing a segment from October 20, 1994 when Howard went off on Jackie. This wasn't in my archives so here's a quick synopsis:
In this clip we heard Howard talking to Jackie about having Steve Grillo chasing after guests who come in there to get autographs. Howard said Jackie has people sign the paper that he writes his jokes on. Howard said that more than one person has told him that it's a very awkward moment when he does this.
Howard said he had more than one person come up to him yesterday telling him about what was going on. Jackie said he's been doing it for over a year now. He didn't think it was a big deal. Howard said he doesn't want people hassling the guests.
Robin was going off on Jackie for doing that and he told her to shut up. Robin said that Jackie gives the interns a hard time about doing things there but then he asks them to do the same thing. Howard and Robin did their impressions of Jackie as they were making fun of him.
Howard asked Grillo why he's bothering the guests after he told him not to. Grillo thought that Jackie was superior to him so he figured he had to do what he asked. Howard said that Jackie is just a paid intern so he doesn't have to listen to what he asks him to do.
Ralph came in and said that Jackie has the people sign two copies, not just one. Howard said that's what he heard. Howard goofed on Jackie for a few minutes and asked him not to have anyone signing pieces of paper anymore. Jackie said he already so he'd stop.
Howard said Jackie knows he's doing wrong so that's why he had Grillo doing it. He said Jackie would do it out in the open if it was the right thing to do. Jackie said he didn't know he was doing wrong. Robin laughed and said that Jackie is pretending he doesn't know anything.
Howard told Grillo that he's the one he's most disappointed in. He said that Fred and Robin are on his team and Jackie isn't. He said he knew that already.
Gary said it can put people in a weird spot to sign that stuff because they're on camera out in the hall. Howard said they shouldn't be asked to sign papers on camera as they're leaving. He said that it's a big hassle for people and he has to take his word on that.
Howard asked Grillo what he would do under certain circumstances to find out if he would do the right thing. Grillo gave him some correct answers but Howard asked why he would be doing this for Jackie for a whole year and not tell anyone about it. Grillo said that it was Jackie and he didn't think it was wrong for him to ask him to do stuff like that. Howard told Grillo that he works for him and not for Jackie.
Howard asked Ralph why he didn't say anything to him since he knew what was going on. Ralph said Grillo told him that Howard knew about it. Grillo said that was a lie and he never did that. Howard said that this is like when an uncle rapes Oprah and no one says anything about it. Jackie said that's not what it's like at all.
Howard was going through all of the guys about what they do there and came across Basil. Howard said that Basil wants to beat the crap out of Mark Harris because Martha Raye is one of his heroes. Howard asked him if he's still a fan. Basil said he's not anymore.
Howard had the guys repeating after him and goofed on them all for not following the rules there. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Jackie and Grillo talking about the autograph signing stuff.
Howard said that Gary waited two weeks to come to him with the news about this because he felt like a traitor doing this. Howard said he should tell him when anything is running wrong in the office. Howard said he can't wait to fire Gary so he knows what it's like to have a real job. Howard said Baba Booey sucks and he's a retard. He went off on him for a few minutes about him not telling him about the Grillo and Jackie thing. Howard said he doesn't understand that.
Gary said that it's not his place to say anything. It's Howard who has to say something. Robin said that Gary is the one who is responsible for that though.
Howard said that Ralph is working on the movie and he's a pain in the ass too. Howard said that Ralph has been bothering him with stuff and he wants him to stop that too. Howard told Ralph to just work for people and coordinate. Howard said he's going to have a break down from the incompetence there.
Jackie said that at least he wasn't hassling Howard. Howard said that's true but he was going behind his back doing stuff. Howard said he appreciates Robin opening his eyes to some of the stuff they were discussing.
Howard said he wishes that his office people would tell him about what's going on in the halls there. He said Gary is such a dope he doesn't stop Grillo from doing it for two weeks. He said it's such stupidity.
Howard said he hopes everyone has a good laugh because he's going to take Grillo off his movie. Gary and Jackie told him not to do that. Howard said that will make everyone else think about what they make people do there. Howard said that he's got to punish someone. Howard said if he hears about any more of this stuff going on he's going to fire Gary even with the baby on the way.
In the clip Howard was aksing Jakcie how he celbrated his birthday. Jackis asid that his wife gave him some special loving and took his ''protein shake.'' He said he saved it up for about a week too. Howard said she looks like she might be good at it too. Jackie sai dhe may not have been her first. Robin sadi he may not have been her first 100.
Howard sadi Jackie got a cake there too. He sadi they put like a million candles in it and Jackie almost got a sun tan from the light. He said that Jackie complained the whole time about how he only got a cake and no party. Howard said Jackie was moping through the whole thing. Howard said if they gave him two cakes, he'd want 3.
Howard said Tom did cheap out on the cake though. He said he got him a 7 inch cake to feed about 20 people. Howard said it was a nice gesture but the cake was very small. Jackie said it really was small. Howard said it was like the size of a Ring Ding.
Howard said everyone was singing to Jackie in their Jackie voice. Howard said Tom told Jackie not to cut the cake because it was bad luck. Howard said it's not like Jackie could have any worse luck in his life.
Howard said Jackie was walking around all upset yesterday. Jackie said that they had the camera in his face and everyone was doing that voice. He said it was weird for him. He said that they did the voice thing for about 30 minutes straight. He said that it gets to you after a while.
Howard did his Jackie voice along with Fred and Robin. Howard said Jackie looked genuinely upset about the whole thing. Jackie said he was fine for the first 5 minutes. Howard said it was fun to watch Jackie's take on that.
Howard asked Robin where she ran off to yesterday. She wasn't there for the party. Robin said she had to do an interview for her book.
Howard asked Robin if she's bearing her soul to the reporters. Robin said they've already read the book so she doesn't have to do that. Robin said she has a bone to pick with Howard. She said that he's getting to be a very strange person. She said she was very hurt by what he did. Robin didn't want to discuss what it was. Howard said he knows what she's upset about but she's going to deny it.
Gary said that Howard handed Robin her book and whatever he said to her was what she got upset about. Howard said he didn't say anything wrong. Gary asked if it was about her big picture. Howard asked her what it was that he said. Robin wasn't saying but she eventually broke down and said that it was his attitude. She said that Howard said ''I can't win.'' like he was upset about the picture that she used in the book. Howard said he was upset about the picture and he would have asked before using it.
Robin said she almost cried when she saw Howard's book because of the pictures. She said there wasn't one flattering picture in his book. Robin said she would never put him through something like that.
Howard said Robin didn't almost cry over that book. Robin said she was devastated. Howard said he's not buying it. Robin said she wasn't even able to call him yesterday over this.
Howard said that Robin is lying about all of this. He said that he doesn't buy any of this. Robin was going on and on about how upset she was and how she had to keep it hidden.
Howard said he showed his book pictures to everyone before it was published. He said that they could have stopped any of them if they wanted to. Robin didn't think he was right about that.
Howard said Robin said he got her on this picture and she's just trying to get back at him. Robin said that she put that in there to show what kind of stress they were under at the time the picture was taken. Howard asked her why she didn't show her stress. She said she was showing her stress. Robin said that he wasn't trying to show her stress in the pictures he put in his book.
Howard said that Robin is just saying this stuff to give him the shiv. Robin said that's not true and she has kept this bottled up for a year now. Howard said he doesn't believe her. Howard asked Gary if he bought into any of this. He said that she might be a better actor than Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump.
Gary said the right person to ask is Stuttering John. He said that Robin is always giving John advice and she would tell him if he was upset. John came in and said that she is genuinely upset and she's really angry with him. Howard said he knows she's angry with him but not for the reasons she's using. Howard asked John if Robin had ever complained about those pictures before. John said he had never heard a word about them before this.
Howard showed Robin the pictures from his book and asked if she really thought that they were bad. Robin said she hated the one he showed her. Howard said she just went home yesterday and came up with this stuff after he complained about the picture she used in her book.
Gary said they didn't have any idea that Robin was upset yesterday. He said she claims she was ready to cry. Howard said that's not what she said. She said she almost cried when she read his book the first time.
Robin said that Howard thinks that she's doing these things to undermine him and that's not what she's doing. Howard said he never said that she's doing that. Howard said he didn't even say ''I can't win.'' like he was trying to undermine her. He said that using that picture was her not being sensitive to him. Robin said that just isn't right and the point is that Howard didn't give her the benefit of the doubt and he thought she used that picture to hurt him. Robin said that's what really hurt her.
Howard said he doesn't think that Robin is cured at all. Robin said that's fine. She didn't seem to care about that.
In the clip we heard Howard asking Robin about not signing a birthday card for Stuttering John. Robin said that she didn't even know that John was having a party so she didn't sign it. She said that she didn't go out of her way to not sign it. Robin said they came to her to ask her to sing it and they know that John doesn't like her so why would she sign it?
John said that Robin gave him a whole rundown of why she gives him all he needs to hear off the air because she's being phony with him. On the air she's being real.
Robin said that she wanted to see where John's mind was over something that was going on and this whole thing blew up on the air about Fred. She said that John wanted to draw her into the argument with Fred and she didn't want to be dragged into that.
John said that Robin was being two faced and wasn't being real about that whole thing. Robin said she had to say that she didn't feel the same way on the air as she did off.
Howard said that Robin isn't cured and she might be nuts. Gary said it sounds like Robin is kind of wacky. She hangs out with people like John but then she acts all weird with them on the air.
John said he knew about Robin being molested by her dad before her book even came out. He said that she's making him crazy and of course that's going to happen if she keeps acting like she does.
John said that there was a time when Robin didn't talk to him for like 4 months. Gary said his favorite moment was a couple of months ago when Robin started to chastise John over something when they were out to see a movie. She went off on him right as the movie was starting and she didn't let him answer because the movie had just started.
John said that Robin is older than him and he was trying to say something about how she puts herself in a position to give advice but he was stuttering up a storm so Billy was goofing on him.
John and Robin went back and forth arguing and telling stories about what they've done to each other. Steve Grillo came in and said that he was helping Robin take care of her cats and he gave them some canned cat food not knowing that she had written a note about not feeding them canned food. He said he screwed that up.
Howard let John and Grillo complain about Robin and said that they shouldn't have anything to do with her if they don't feel they're being treated wrong.
Jackie said that Robin is going to apologize to John off the air and then he's going to fall for it and she'll pull the same thing with him again on the air. Then John will go nuts again. He was saying that she's like Lucy to Charlie Brown in the Peanuts cartoons. Howard didn't know what that was since he hates those Peanuts cartoons. Jackie had to explain it to him. Jackie said they should just do what he does. He said he rubs against her and doesn't talk to her.
Howard told John that he has to get over this and just stay away from Robin if he's not happy about how Robin really is.
Howard gave Robin and John some advice on how to get along. John said that Robin can't be trusted because she'll rip you a new a-hole when you least expect it. Howard said he hasn't seen any evidence of that lately.
Ralph came in to defend Robin but Howard kicked him out after making fun of the way he speaks. Billy West did some of his Ralph impression too. Howard said he had to get back to the show after that. Gary came in and said that Ralph is wondering what he did wrong. Howard said Ralph knows why he's mad at him.
Ralph came in again so Howard told him to take a guess at why he's mad at him. Ralph had no clue. Howard said he was very abrupt with him on the phone the other night and the reason for that is the same reason he's mad today.
Howard said the new book is coming out soon and Ralph called him, just 2 weeks before the book was coming out and he was looking at the picture on the cover and thinking there were better ones.
Howard told Ralph to pick out a picture he really liked and bring it to him. If it was better then maybe he'd use that one instead of the one he had already picked. Howard said Ralph had all of the pictures. Howard said he didn't hear back from Ralph after that. He figured that was that. The book went to bed and then Ralph calls him again. Ralph tells him that he's not sure if that picture is the right one. Howard asked where he had been for the past 2 weeks. Howard said he wasn't interested in his opinion anymore.
Howard said that Ralph didn't bring him the picture for two weeks. He said he didn't bring it to Gary either but he claimed that Gary had told him it was too late to use it.
Howard said he asked Ratso to get some quotes from the guys and Ralph was the one who didn't give him one. Ralph didn't get back to him for two weeks either. Howard said that's Ralph's modus operandi. He said that he does this all the time.
Howard said there was no reason to discuss this further. Ralph tried to explain why he didn't bring the pictures over and how he had been told to bring them to Gary. Howard said Gary didn't know what to do with them and he didn't tell him to bring them to him.
Gary came in and told Howard they have a guest coming in. Ralph was trying to get his mic but Gary asked him to remove his hands from him and the mic. Gary said they had Celestine there to promote her book. Ralph was still yelling behind him so he finally got back on mic and tried to find out what he did wrong.
Gary also told Howard he had Larry ''Ratso'' Slomin on the phone. Ratso asked Ralph if he had the quote yet. Ralph said he was told it was too late for that too. Howard said that Ralph doesn't get that they move fast with this stuff and he missed out on the whole thing.
Ratso said Ralph claimed that he left a message on his answering machine and he never got anything. Howard asked Ralph where his quote is now. Ralph said that it's back home. He still didn't have anything. Howard had to move on to his guest so they finally ended the fighting.
Stuttering John Gets Fired... From One Of His Jobs. 8/21/03. 10:20am
Howard was talking about how their program director, Chuck Roast, wanted to meet with him today. He said he didn't want to meet with anyone after the show so he complained about it. Gary came in and said he took care of the issue already so he didn't have to meet with Chuck. A few minutes later Chuck showed up so Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about some of the other program directors they've had there at the station. While they were talking Gary asked Chuck if he wanted to have his meeting with Stuttering John while they were on the air. Howard didn't know he had a meeting set up with John but Chuck was fine with the on-air meeting. Stuttering John came in a short time later. Chuck basically fired him from his 1 hour ''Out to Lunch'' show that he does every day. He told John he just doesn't want to do that show anymore so he's going to cancel it. John knew he was on the chopping block and knew that this was coming. No one expected Chuck Roast to fire him from that job on the air though.
Gary said it's best that John lost his job because after the show he's not sure what to do, record his show or stick around the office to do some stuff. Now he'll be able to work more in the office. A bunch of phone callers seemed to be happy that John has been fired from that job. Stuttering John said he can't wait for Chuck to be fired himself. John later said that he didn't want to be fired on the air. He said that Chuck shouldn't have done it on the air. Robin and Howard said that John asked to be told the news on the air though. Chuck said there is a silver lining to this whole thing but he didn't want to talk about it on the air. John defended his show saying that he was told to do it the way he was doing it. He also says that he was told he'd never be fired from that job again. John said their last program director, Steve Kingston, told him that he wasn't going to fire him again. That's why John said that he accepted that job to begin with. He had been fired from a DJ gig one time before and didn't want to do ''Out to Lunch'' if he was going to be fired again. He doesn't have a written contract though so he's screwed. John also complained about how they play the same songs over and over again at the station. Howard told him they do that because it gets ratings. John said he'd like to do a show where he takes live phone calls and stuff like that but Howard told him that Chuck isn't looking for that. John also said this is half of his salary that's being taken away from him.
John said he thinks that Julie Slater is the next one to go. Chuck told the guys that no one is safe there at the station. He said they have to improve the station after Howard's show and no one is safe. The longer this went on the more pissed off John got. He cursed at Chuck after he called him a little bitch or something like that. The delay was hit so we didn't hear the whole thing. John apologized for cursing and told KC he wasn't going to do anything to Chuck if that's the reason he was in the studio. Stuttering John got a phone call from his wife while he was in the studio. He told his wife that he'd just been fired so she should cancel the table they had coming to the house today. DJ Julie Slater came in a short time later and asked why he was bringing her into the whole thing. John said that he was just saying that he thought she'd be fired next. John said he thinks that all of the DJs at the station are going to be fired. John was still pissed that he was losing half his salary. Vinnie Favale called in and said he wanted to know how much John was being paid for that show. Artie guessed that it's $3000 a week. John said it's not just the money though. He's going to lose benefits because if he doesn't have an air shift, he doesn't get those benefits. Gary told him that he should be able to keep that for 18 months. By this time it was 11:05 and they were still discussing all of this stuff. Artie wanted to know what the silver lining was to John's firing. Chuck said he didn't want to talk about that on the air and he didn't even want to do the firing on the air either. Once again, John said he didn't think chuck should have done this on the air... even though he told him to go ahead and do it. Howard guessed that Chuck was going to help him out in some way. Chuck said he had to do it on the air because John would have been tortured for a few minutes and would have hated him after they get back from their vacation.
Some other news about John. His wife is pregnant with their third child. Another thing to make Chuck Roast feel bad about the firing. Howard told him there's still time to get an abortion. A lot of sigh's came from the studio when he said that. Howard kept calling this guy Chuck Roast even though his real name is Rob. He used to call himself Chuck Roast but when he came to the station he started going by his real name. Howard asked him if he'd do this again the next time he has to fire someone. Chuck said he doesn't want to have to do that again though. Howard also threw in a joke about John's show wondering if they're going to call it ''Out of Work'' instead of ''Out to Lunch.'' Artie pointed out what a crazy show it was today. He found out he's 25 percent American Indian and John got fired. Howard spent a short time talking to Julie about her past jobs and if she's been fired. She said she worked at Q104 for a while but she was one of the lucky ones who didn't get fired. Howard told John to wait and find out what the silver lining is that Chuck was talking about.
Howard had to wrap up the show but he wanted John to read some of his ''Out to Lunch'' e-mail requests. Howard gave him the e-mail but John said it was too tough and didn't want to do it.
Howard also brought up Dee Snider who contacted him to straighten out something that was written in an article about his brother-in-law. He said they claimed that his wife came in and stripped on Howard's show. Howard said she never stripped for them and she's got enough going on in her life.
Howard told John that he hurts for John and he feels bad but it was a good thing it happened there on the air. He said no one is happy about it. Howard let John plug his appearances (Check StutteringJohn.com for more info) and gave out some other plugs before ending the show.
Howard 100 News And Sal Fights With Artie. 10/31/07. 9:55am
Steve Langford came in with a Howard 100 news preview. He said that they have some stories from Benjy's sister about the movie preview they were at the other day. She's also on the whole birthday thing with Benjy and not saying how old he really is.
Steve said that they have a story about Artie being a featured comedian on Myspace yesterday. They'll have more on that today.
Howard read through some e-mail about Artie and High Pitch Mike's recent battles. Some fans think that Mike has balls for coming in and going up against Artie. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he thinks that he needs to get some mangos and pineapples in his diet.
Artie said that he didn't have any cupcakes today, not one. Today is cupcake Wednesday so it must have been tough for him to pass them up. Howard played the High Pitch Mike song parody about him where he tells him to climb up on a roof and follow his dad and then tells him to ''fuck off fat ass.'' Howard heard that Sal and Richard had something to do with that song too. Artie said it seems that those guys really don't like him.
Howard said that Richard and Sal think that he doesn't like them. He said that he did hire them to work there though. He said they were complaining about Artie taking a nap on the show even after he told him it was okay to do that. Howard said Artie has been with the show longer than them and he's got different privileges than they do. Robin said that Sal was asking why Artie can go up to guests and ask for their phone numbers when he can't do the same thing.
Howard said that Miss Howard Stern may have fallen asleep during the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He played a clip where she was kind of zoning out and not saying anything for a few seconds. Howard also played a clip where Sal was talking about why he doesn't come on the Wrap Up Show that much these days. He said he thinks that Gary disagrees with him on everything he says so he avoids it. Richard got in on that as well and said that Gary always sides with Artie in arguments and stuff. Sal was also saying that if Howard said something, Gary would agree with him too.
Howard said that he thinks that Sal is really talking about himself there because he's actually the one who would side with him on anything he went with. Sal came in so Howard told him that he think that he'd follow him to any religion he went to if he told him to. Sal said he hasn't taken up chess so that's not true.
Sal said that Gary always agrees with Howard but Howard told him that they argue about stuff all the time so that's not true. Sal is the one who said he'd blow Howard if he asked him to. Sal said that's bullshit and he wouldn't do that.
Howard asked Sal who got into the food fight at the pizza place they had Artie's party at. He pointed out all of the stuff that Sal does wrong and that's why he won't have him over at his house. Sal said he doesn't get why he has to bring up all of that stuff about him to make him look bad. Artie said that's because he always does stupid shit.
Artie said that Sal and Richard are good at what they do but they won a contest to get on the show. Sal said that he and Richard are always being honest and not trying to agree with people all the time like other people do. Howard said that Sal is the only one who he won't hang out with at home. Gary said that Sal has been reprimanded more there than he's ever reprimanded anyone else.
Artie went off on Sal and Richard for what they have going on at the comedy shows. Sal was yelling at Artie saying that he's always defending him when he hears shit about him. Sal said that Artie sucked on MAD TV and on the Norm Show and no one knew him before he was on Howard's show. He sounded really angry while he was going off on him but Artie was just laughing. Sal said that Artie carries himself like he's some legend of comedy when he's really not. Sal told him to go down to Philly and rip off the fans on New Year's Eve with the same act he did last year. The two of them were screaming at each other about this stuff.
Artie told Sal that he'll beat his ass after the show if he wants. He also told Sal that he hopes his kids die of AIDS as he was walking out of the studio. He said that he doesn't want that to happen until after they're like 25 years old.
Howard asked if that was for real. Artie said that was the real Sal right there. He's heard that venom come out of him before. Richard said that he doesn't hate Artie. Artie said that he's never had that problem with Benjy and asked him about that. Benjy then pretended he was Sal and yelled at him for a few seconds.
Richard was saying that Artie always goofs on him about stuff he says and it's kind of upsetting to him. That led to him complaining about Robin goofing on him too and saying that no one would care if he died.
A phone caller said that Sal has no right disparaging Artie the way he just did. The guy said that he'd do that job that Sal is doing for free. He said that Sal and Richard want to be Artie and that's why they get so upset about this stuff.
Robin said that all they hear are the negative things even when they say positive things about them. They focus on the negative when they're not always being bashed. Richard said that he agrees with Sal on some of that stuff but he doesn't agree with him about all of the things he was saying about everything he's been in sucking. He said he liked Artie in ''Elf.'' That made everyone laugh and Artie told him that everything he says sounds stupid.
Artie said that Richard and Sal are a couple of pussies for crying over them turning down bits and stuff. Meanwhile that's what happens to every comedy writer. They can't play all of their stuff on the show. Richard said there was a bit that they wanted Howard to play last week when Gilbert Gottfried was in and Gary wouldn't let him play it. Gary said he didn't want to try and cram it in there. He eventually wore him down and told him to go ahead and put up a note about the bit. Gary said that Richard won't take no as an answer so he has to just let him do stuff like that.
Richard still wasn't accepting the answer about why Gary didn't want him playing that clip on the show. Richard kept saying that all he wanted to do was give Howard the option to play the clip. They went over it a few times and Richard was still saying that he just wanted Howard to have that option. Gary did give him the option to let Howard know it was available but he just kept going with it.
Richard said that they had another bit that Howard didn't play for weeks and he kept asking Gary to play it for him. Gary said he did play that for Howard and Howard needed time to think about it for a while. He eventually played it on the air and they loved the call.
Artie said that Sal really has a lot of hostility toward him and it shows that he's obsessed with him and Howard 24/7. Sal was in Gary's office holding up a sign that said ''Die.'' Then he added a ''Please'' to that. Artie told him that was brilliant. He asked Sal if he's ever gone in for an audition for anything. He answered his own question and said he hasn't. He said that Sal has bailed out on his comedy act in the middle of it after claiming he could do 15 minutes.
Sal came back in and went off on Artie again. Artie told Sal that he was going to beat his ass out on the street today. He said that he only pays him to do the comedy shows because he's a charity case. Sal said that at least he has a relationship with his kids and he doesn't think that Artie would ever do that with his kids because he's a lying heroin addict. He left the studio yelling.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he's definitely getting his money's worth out of this today. He said that Artie is able to keep the show moving and doing a great job there and that can't be said about everyone. Robin thinks that Sal believes that he could be Artie and that Howard doesn't think that he could.
Al was saying that he thinks that maybe Sal is dragging Richard down with him in this whole thing. Richard said that's not true and Sal is a brilliant mind when it comes to putting together bits. Howard said he thinks that the team he has now is the best team he's ever had on the show before.
Sal came back in and said that he's not jealous of Artie. He said that he's said that he's the funniest guy on the show and he's consistently funny on the show. He complained that Artie says that they have the mentality of 5th graders every time they come in there though. That's the stuff that upsets them.
Artie said that some of the stuff Sal and Richard do is really funny but he doesn't like other stuff. They do a lot of gay stuff and he's not into that. Howard said that the only one who defines what they are is him. Howard said that Sal is having problems with his wife and he's taking it out on them there. Sal said Artie is always taking jabs at him and he's not sure what else to do.
Howard asked Sal if he was just crying because someone claimed that they caught him doing that out there. Benjy said that Ronnie was signaling to him that it looked like he was crying so that's why he wrote that. Artie told Sal and Richard to take what they dish out or get the fuck out of there. Sal and Artie calmed down a bit and Sal was kissing his ass a little bit saying that he really is one of the funniest guys on the show.
Howard took some phone calls and let some fans yell at Sal. One guy told Sal to take a break and go smoke a joint or something to calm down. A woman said that Artie might need a cupcake to calm him down. Artie said that it's like poking a bear today. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this was the greatest today and they need to do this like once a month. Another guy told Artie to go fuck Sal's wife. Artie said he didn't want to punish her.
Richard was saying that Robin is the one who has been really mean to him. She once threw out a script he'd given her to read. He complained about that for a short time as Robin giggled at him. Howard wanted to get out of this but the guys were bringing up more and more stories.
Gary said that Howard once got mad at Craig Gass when he fell asleep in the Jackie Chair back when he was trying out for the job. Howard got pissed at him back then. Howard didn't get pissed at Artie when he fell asleep because he's been on the show for 6 years and he told him to sleep.
Jon Hein gave a really quick rundown of what they'd be talking about on the Wrap Up Show today. Most of what they'll be talking about is what just happened.
DICE vs Jackie...round 2. 5-10-96. Andrew 'Dice' Clay was on the satellite to plug his upcoming HBO special that's on tomorrow night at 10:00. The interview started of pretty calm. But then Howard got Jackie and Dice back in to their fighting mode. Dice offered Jackie a few minutes to bash him but Jackie didn't really have anything to say to him. Dice started yelling at Jackie and Jackie was just barely returning fire. When Jackie did say something it was just about Dice's weight or his hair. Once in a while he'd throw in a Jew insult since Dice is Jewish. Dice bashed Jackie about making CD's in his basement, appearing at tiny little 'coffee shops'(comedy shows), and every other little thing that Jackie does. Jackie said to Dice ''you know what we call you here?.. we call you Lice because we can't get rid of you''. Dice just brushed that one off. Jackie asked Dice if he could blow water through his back, Dice returned with ''no your wife can do that better''. It was great! Dice was also calling Jackie 'half a fag' quite a bit. In the middle of this whole thing Dice and Jackie were just about to make up but that didn't last for long. Dice had offered Jackie to open up for him at a couple of shows and Jackie had agreed to do at least one of them but they started fighting again after the offer was made. I don't know if the offer still stands.
Today's Fight Week: Round 2 was over around 12:05pm.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 12:30pm.