|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys are back from their week long vacation. Howard started the show doing his Ted Kennedy ''Er-ahh'' impression. Howard said he was going to have everyone doing their impression during the whole show. He was on his megaphone doing the impression and telling stories about Kennedy. He was talking about Ted being married to Joan and then not being married to Joan in a special that ran over the vacation. He said they just skipped over that part of his life.
Howard said that Ted had been reunited with Mary Jo Kopechne now that he's dead. Howard also talked about ho Ted looked just like his mother Rose. He stayed in that Kennedy impression through the whole thing. He talked about his family that were all at his funeral.
Howard talked about how the whole Kennedy family got pussy. He said that the whole family would have fucked Marilyn Monroe if they had the chance.
Howard said that Ted's brother got so much pussy that he had flies buzzing around his hands all the time. Howard was cracking himself up telling those jokes. Robin was getting sad at one point and didn't stay in her Kennedy impression. She had to throw in an ''Er-ahh'' to get back into it.
Howard talked about some of the wacky stuff that the Kennedy family has done over the years. They talked about the one kid that had a lobotomy. Howard told another story about Rosemary being labotomized because she was constantly masturbating. Howard said that's why Ted never masturbated in front of his father. Howard said that would cure masturbation in anyone. He was telling all of this stuff in his Kennedy impression over his megaphone.
Howard said that Ted would end up peeing all over the bathroom floor because he never wanted to touch his own penis in fear of being labotomized.
Howard came out of his Kennedy impression when he brought up the Mary Jo Kopechne thing and asked the guys if they found it odd that he wasn't investigated for leaving the scene of a crime for 10 hours but Spitzer had to step down when he was with a prostitute.
Howard got back into his Kennedy impression and did some more talking about the wacky Kennedy family and how they got out of trouble because of who they were. Howard talked about some of the other Kennedy family members that died and went through their history. Howard brought up how much they all got laid again and joked about their tuna fingers. Howard said that Ted voted against the war in Iraq and bragged about that as Ted.
Howard brought up the JFK Jr. plane crash and how Ted had warned him against flying. Howard was joking about going to ''Au Bar'' and ended up doing a sheep sound when he said ''bah ah ah ah ah.'' Artie laughed at that pretty hard.
Howard talked a lot about the Au Bar thing and did the sheep bah thing a bunch of times. Howard brought up Ted's wife and how she may take over his Senate seat. Howard had been in his Ted Kennedy impression for almost 15 minutes at that point. He had only come out of it for about 10 seconds in that whole time.
Robin brought up Caroline Kennedy and how she was supposed to be pretty elegant at the memorial service. They talked about that a little bit. Artie was doing his Kennedy impression as they talked about this stuff too. He was kind of sticking to the plan to do the Kennedy impressions through the whole morning.
Howard brought up Caroline marrying a Jew and goofed on that a little bit. Howard said that Ted tried to get her into politics but she wasn't a good speaker so it didn't work out very well. Howard talked about how the whole Kennedy family loves to fuck. He joked about how he had tried to fuck Rosa Parks back in the day. Howard said he wanted her in the back of the bus so they'd have some privacy.
Howard was going nuts telling jokes about wanting to fuck Rosa in the back of the bus and had Artie laughing his ass off. He said that he was shooting loads on her processed hair and things like that. Robin told Ted (Howard) he was having too much fun talking about this stuff.
Howard said he didn't think he could maintain that impression and came out of it. He said he was going to do the whole show as Ted Kennedy but he wasn't able to keep it up. Artie asked if there was anything that could have gotten that guy voted out of the senate. Howard had to get a tissue because he was crying from laughing so much. His tissue box was missing though so he had to ask Gary what was going on.
Howard asked where Fred was because he didn't see him there. He was right there though. Howard got back into his Kennedy impression and told Gary to do his impression. Gary did a little Kennedy for him. Howard stayed in the impression a little longer.
Howard asked Ronnie to come in and do his Kennedy impression. He asked Scott the engineer and J Er-Ahh D to come in too. Ronnie came in and did his awful impression. Scott's was awful too. JD tried to do one but his impression was pretty bad too.
Howard asked JD what he did over vacation. JD said he worked. He tried to do the Er-ahh thing but it wasn't working very well for him. Howard kicked him out.
Howard got out of the impression and said that was enough of that. Robin said she hopes that they're not retiring him. Howard said he used to just bring him up in the news when Robin would read a story. He said that maybe he won't retire it and he'll comment on the Kennedy family when they come up in the news.
The caller asked Howard what he did over vacation. Howard said he met Mayor Bloomberg over vacation. He said he told him how much he loves him. He said he's really good at what he's doing and he doesn't understand why a rich guy like that would want to do something like that.
Howard said he saw Bloomberg talking about the helicopter and plane crash that happened recently and he did a great job talking about it. Howard said he didn't think Bloomberg knew he supported him but he later told him he had heard about that.
Howard said he saw Bruce Springsteen and shook his hand but they just said some quick hellos. Howard said he's bad at that schmoozing thing so he didn't say much. Howard said he told Ross Zapin to come out and smell his hand because he's a huge fan of Bruce's. He said Ross actually came out to dinner with him after that.
Howard said he saw Jon Bon Jovi at a party. Robin said she thinks she saw him running in the park one day. Howard joked that he runs from his place in Jersey to London every day. That's how he stays in shape.
Howard said that he saw Bobby Duvall out at a party too. He said that he was at the same party as everyone else. Howard said he wasn't able to stay long at the party. He said he had stuff to do. He said he was busy over vacation and he doesn't do well at parties.
Howard said he had some cocktails but he's just not good at parties. He said he hung out during the rest of the vacation.
Robin said she went to Los Angeles and Napa. She saw Booker and his girlfriend Alycia out there. Robin said that she's on NBC news out there in L.A.
Howard said Artie did Letterman. Artie said that he got two segments and he was the first guest. Howard said he thought he was funny as hell. Artie said that someone had backed out at the last minute so they called him to come in and fill in.
Howard said that he liked one of Artie's lines about his girlfriend wanting him to go out hiking and he asked if he ever gave off any vibe that he was a hiker. He said he'd play those clips later.
Howard took another call from a guy who was doing a Kennedy impression. Howard got back into his a little bit and thanked the guy for calling in. He said he didn't have any material and had to hang up on the guy.
Howard talked about how the band the Dead Kennedy's had a great name. He said that they're all pretty much dead now so it was fitting. That led to them playing one of their songs ''Too Drunk to Fuck.'' Howard said that was pretty bad.
Howard said he saw the band Kings of Leon on the Tonight Show last week and thought they were really good. He said the lead singer has a great voice. He said he wasn't into the song that much until he saw them do it live on Conan's show. Howard asked JD if he has a copy of that. Gary said JD told him it would take him a while to get it.
Howard played the album version of the song they performed on the Tonight Show (Use Somebody). Robin said she loves the song. Howard and Fred talked about the band and how they got their name. They were raised by a pentacostal preacher and they named their band after their father. The guys in the band are brothers.
Howard said that he was at a party over vacation where Fleetwood Mac were playing. He said it was at some guy's house. He said that they were great too. Howard said that Lindsay Buckingham is an amazing guitar player too. Artie said that he is underrated as a guitar player.
Howard said they have to get Kings of Leon on the show. He has to talk to them about the name of their band. Fred had some details about their father and how he had gotten divorced and caused some controversy in the church.
Howard said that Conan never interviews the band. He said that all of the late night guys don't bother interviewing the bands and it's like they're doing impressions of Letterman because he never does that. Howard said that they could be considered innovators if they just did that.
Howard said that Sal is the funniest part of this clip. He said that he talks about Chappaquiddick and saying ''Chappaquida'' the whole time.
Howard played some of the clips of Sal asking people about Kennedy's death and the people he was talking to were fine but Sal's screw up was the funniest part of the whole thing. Artie said that ruined the whole thing because it was like two stupid people talking.
Howard played some more of Sal's interviews and he kept saying that word wrong so it sounded like they had gone back and inserted that audio clip in there. That's not what they did but it sounded like that every time he screwed up the word.
Sal asked more people about the death and kept using that ''Chappaquida'' line. Howard said that all of the people he was interviewing didn't have names like ''Paul.'' They all had very odd names.
Howard said that the celebrity calling in today is Pat Priest who played Marilyn on The Munsters. He said that they're starting out low in the contest and trying to work their way up to better celebrities.
Howard said they had a bunch of other celebrities they could get to call in. He had Motocross racer Ricky Carmichael, Robin's Driver, some clown, Kirk Jones, Ant the comedian, Andy Dick, French Stewart, Elaine Hendricks, Tony Rock, Bruce Dern, Eric Roberts, Jerry O'Connell, Ricky Henderson, Peter Lemonjello and a bunch of others. Howard said that he wasn't sure that any of those people could win. Some of them do the show already.
Paul Simon was on the list. Howard said that he would be the biggest name on the list but he might be a bad interview. Howard said that Norm Zedah is on the list and he heard that he may be dating Joan Rivers. Howard said that might be a get if he's actually dating Joan.
Howard said they might be able to get the lead singer from Gwar too. He said that band dresses up like HR Puffinstuff characters. Robin had never seen them before. Howard said that they're very scary looking and very intense. They played some of their music. Richard came in and corrected Fred when he played a song that wasn't theirs.
Gary said that they were out doing a show on the road one time and Gwar were walking past the table constantly trying to get Howard's attention. Howard just ignored them.
Howard said Richard sent him a really weird email over vacation. He said it was an idea for the show and it was very bizarre. He said that Richard told him about this dream he had where Howard tries to undress him and he claimed that wasn't gay. In the dream it was Howard and Jim Florentine trying to undress him. Richard wanted to do a contest where Howard, Artie and Fred would try to undress him, Sal and Benjy. Artie said he would lose. Artie said that Gwar has a better chance of winning their contest.
Howard said that Richard could be a genius or just retarded. Howard asked Richard about how fair it would be to have three guys wearing different clothes and making them undress. Richard said that they'd all wear the same thing.
Artie said that if Howard makes him do this, he's going to quit. Howard said they have to do it. Howard said that it would be a horror for him to do this. He said that he doesn't want to touch Richard. Artie said that there would be video of this on YouTube if he did this. Howard said he can't touch Richard and this might be something they have to do.
Richard was talking about jerking Howard off too so that led to Artie telling him that he has to be gay. Richard said it's not gay, it's just funny. Artie insists that it's gay.
Howard said that he tuned into FOX news over the weekend expecting to see a news report that he watches every week. He said that they had some doctor on talking about illnesses and he can't watch that stuff. He said he has bad OCD and he gets obsessed with that stuff. He said that the guy is really old and he has a big fat head. Robin said she saw that guy and noticed the big fat head. Howard said he didn't want to see medical shit on Sunday morning.
Gary said that Bobo was having trouble with his alarm system and it wasn't working right so he went to the owner's house since he knew where he lived. Bobo said that he didn't want to say the name of the company but Gary said it was Slomin's. Howard said that they give you a free alarm system so you can't really complain about that, can you?
Ronnie said he was out to dinner one night and he got a call from the guy who Bobo visited. He said that he asked about this guy and he didn't recognize the name. Then the guy called him back and said it was actually Bobo. Ronnie said that the guy didn't think that he was a normal guy. Bobo said that he's just a normal guy and he wasn't doing anything weird. Ronnie said that's not what the guy thought when he talked to him.
Bobo was telling Howard some of the stuff in the article but Howard said he had to go because his phone connection was bad. He said he had to take a break though so he couldn't get to the article yet. He said he had a lot to get to today.
Geraldo Rivera was going to be coming in so they spent a few minutes talking about him. Artie said he was going to do Geraldo's show but he ended up canceling the night before because he had a family emergency.
Howard said that this guy Glenn Beck is kind of wacky. He said that he thinks that Obama is some kind of nutty guy who thinks that Obama is going to ruin the country and he's trying to take it over. Howard said that they have conspiracy theories about the guy that make it sound like he's like Hitler. Howard said Beck and O'Reilly team up against the guy and talked about tall of these communist things. Howard said he likes watching that stuff, it really doesn't bother him. He said it's entertaining to him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how great Fleetwood Mac was. He said that they were great at that party he was at. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard got back to the Kings of Leon performance on Conan that he was talking about earlier. He said that JD had pulled a clip from that show. Howard said he really wants to get them in there but he's not sure he can. They performed a live version of their song ''Use Somebody.'' Howard really liked it.
Howard said he gets jealous as a husband because Beth was talking about Lindsay Buckingham looking good at the party and wondering how old he was. Howard said he told her that he was like 70. He said that he had to be in his 60s at least. Artie said that he must be in his 60s at least.
Howard said that Kings of Leon will be in the area soon so he'll try to get them in there when they're around. Howard said they were actually singing and not lip syncing. Artie said he thought it was a great rendition of the song too.
Howard said he was telling his kids that the early days are when you first get started. He said that 4 months it's still new pussy. Howard said he didn't tell the kids that but you don't know if a guy is into you that quick. He said that it should be a 5 year dating time and not 4 months.
Lisa said that Lampanelli wanted Steven Bishop to sing at their wedding. She said that the guy wanted 7 grand to sing at the wedding and wanted to be flown out. Lisa told him to forget it. Howard said that Stuttering John priced out some bands one time and he claimed he could get Cheap Trick for 10 grand. Howard said he's thinking about having them come out and sing for him. He said he wouldn't even have anyone there.
Artie said John ended up getting the band Zebra and he thinks he got them for like a grand plus free food. They joked that they may have had to clean the pool after the party too. Howard
Lisa said that they spoke to Benjy's doctor and found that he doesn't have herpes. Howard asked Benjy if he's happy about the fact that the word is out. Benjy said ''Yeah, sure.''
Lisa said that the movie Big Fan almost had Artie in it but Artie never called the director back so the part went to Michael Rappaport. Artie said he didn't have time to do it. Lisa said that she heard that he didn't call the guy back. Artie said he was told that his people did call him back. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard let that guy go and got back to the article (Howard Stern still poised to make big bucks when Sirius XM contract expires) he was going to read earlier from the NY Daily News.
Howard read the article and said he really doesn't know what he's going to do when his contract is up in just over a year. He said that he's waiting to figure it out himself. Howard said his parents may have to tell him what to do.
In the article they talk about what some people are speculating that he may do. Howard said that he was going to call David Hinckley for the article but he felt that might come off as him being a douche. Howard said that he was shocked that David actually wrote a nice article about him. He said Beth was the one who told him about it and told him how great it was.
Howard said that Beth was looking at him in a different way after reading that article. He said it made her look at him like he had a big, girthy cock.
Howard read more of the article about how he could start his own radio network on the internet and keep all of the money for himself. They were saying that Howard might be able to sell himself on the internet and make money doing something that no one else has been able to do.
Howard read about what he could do on the internet based on what they were saying in the article. Howard said that they could be doing a Podcast and maybe a video Podcast. Howard said that they were saying that he could just leave radio all together. Howard said that they claim that he doesn't have to worry about his rent but he actually does. He said he has a big lifestyle to support.
Howard said that they could have their own little business going. He said that Mayor Bloomberg was asking him about the radio show and how that was going. He said that Bloomberg has his own channel there too. He said he must know about how many subscribers they have there at SIRIUS XM.
Robin said she was having dinner with the owner of the Cleveland Browns, Carmen Policy, and he was asking her how she works with Howard Stern being the classy lady she is. Howard said that's horrible. Robin said Ed Bradley had the same attitude with Howard until he met him. Howard said that guy loved him and then he went and died on him. He said that he won the guy over and he went and left him.
Howard said he met another guy from 60 Minutes at a party he was at. He also saw the head of NBC, Jeff Zuker, and a bunch of other famous people.
The caller kept saying that it was Gary's responsibility to keep things running on time and things like that. Howard had to bail out on the call because the guy wasn't understanding what he was talking about.
Gary asked who has the least responsibility. Howard said that's easy. He said that's also him. Artie said that Howard is the answer to all of those questions.
Howard said for the next 2 hours he will be doing DJ AM's voice. He said that he died while they were away too. Robin said that he survived that plane crash and then he died anyway so it was almost like a Twilight Zone episode.
Howard said he doesn't know what DJ AM did. He said all he knows is that he was fat, like 400 pounds, but he lost a ton of weight and got skinny after getting gastric bypass surgery. Howard said he was a good looking guy after he lost the weight. Howard said he hooked up with Nicole Richie and Mandy Moore. Howard said he was good at getting A-List trim.
Howard said he thinks that DJ AM went to high end parties and got paid to spin records. Gary wanted to jump in but Howard said he just wanted to say what he knew. Gary ended up telling him that he was one of those guys who did the mash-ups with songs and he had some big gigs out in Vegas or somewhere.
Howard asked Robin if she tried to get DJ AM to do the show. Robin said she thought that was the case. Fred said that their web site said that was what happened.
Howard said that DJ AM was in a plane crash with a guy from Blink 182 and survived the crash with that guy, Travis Barker. Howard said that DJ AM apparently got into crack again after he was in the crash and he apparently overdosed. Robin said that he was also doing a show where he was trying to get kids off of drugs.
Howard said that Gary told him that DJ AM was there with Nicole Richie one time and DJ AM was a big fan of the show from Philly. Gary said he was a really nice guy and a regular guy. He said he spoke to the guy for like a half hour and he was a good dude from what he could tell.
Howard asked what his real name was. Gary told him it was Adam Goldstein. Artie said that he saw that he was going to be down in Atlantic City performing at parties there. Howard said he can't wrap his head around a DJ getting jobs like that. Gary said he knew a chick who was a DJ and she was getting flown all over the place to do appearances.
Howard said he should get into this DJ thing and just play some tunes. Gary said that you need a style to do that stuff though. Howard said it's incredibly dumb. Gary said that you have to be able to weave songs in and out for people to dance to.
Howard wondered why the guy didn't just record his song list and send it out to other DJs to play for him. Gary said that they read the audience and play songs they feel are going to work with them. Gary said that out in Vegas they have DJs and they have them everywhere. Howard said that a DJ is a guy who talks on the radio. He said Spyder Harrison is a DJ.
Robin said that they have a whole video thing going on as well with the music so it's a big deal. Howard said that Scot the Engineer was a DJ for a while. He said that kind of fizzled. Howard said Scott wasn't mixing anything together.
Howard said that he'd love to be able to bring his computer somewhere and just play songs like that. He said that sounds like a great job to him.
The caller asked if they can tell how much Riley is worth on that station. Howard said that they had to fire Riley because he was selling advertising on his own. Howard said they tried to explain to him that he has to follow the rules they have but Riley thinks he's worth more than the $400 a week they pay him. Howard said that it was never supposed to be his life support show. He said that Riley can sell his trinkets and stuff but they never said they were going to give him more hours on his show.
Howard said Riley can't slow down enough to understand that tall they're going to give him is that $400. Howard said he's really not worth anything. He said that if he left tomorrow it's not going to make a difference for them there.
Robin said that Riley is just like John the Stutterer or Underdog Lady. He doesn't understand that. Howard said that Dr. Ablow is trying to get through to him about that stuff. JD said he thinks that Dr. Ablow isn't getting through to him at all. He said that Riley thinks that the people at SIRIUS are hiding his numbers.
Howard said that Riley doesn't understand that it doesn't matter how many people are listening. He doesn't have huge numbers. Riley thinks he does.
Howard said that he's trying to get some answers out of this guy but he's not sure what's going on. He said that Dr. Keith needs more time with Riley. He said that he had some clips to play though.
Howard played a clip where Dr. Keith was talking to Riley about his job there and Riley was going on and on about what he gets paid there. He makes $400 a week to do a 1 hour show. Riley said he would like to do more time when Howard is on vacation or something.
Howard said Riley is looking at this like a career and that's not what it is. It's a fun little thing that they let him do every week and they give him $400 to do it. Howard said the guy doesn't even have to leave his house to do it. Howard said Riley doesn't get he concept of what they have him doing.
Howard played more of the audio of Dr. Ablow trying to get through to Riley. Riley needs money and Dr. Ablow asked Tim Sabean what his response was. Tim explained that they have a budget to stick to and that's all they have to pay him. Tim and Riley were arguing a bit during that.
Howard said that this goes on and on and it gets heated at moments. He played another clip where Riley got upset about them saying that his show wasn't worth $400. Dr. Ablow was trying to calm Riley down but Riley was upset and claiming that they thought he was just some dumb jigaboo. Dr. Ablow tried to figure out where that need for nurturing was coming from. He said he thinks that it comes from his family. He said that Tim isn't his father and he's just running a business.
Howard said they got into Riley's family life and it sounds like his father kept having kids just so they'd have people around to help out with the farm.
Howard played a clip where Dr. Ablow was telling Riley that he thinks that he may have suffered as a child. Riley said he was never mistreated and he felt he was treated fairly. He said that his parents stayed together until they died. Howard said they found out that Riley was one of 14 kids though. He said it was pretty fascinating actually. Howard said he felt bad for Riley and it's like he was looking for someone to take care of him there at SIRIUS.
Howard said it would be great if they just replaced Riley's show with one where they just have people crap in a bucket. Riley was complaining about them doing stuff like that so they should replace the show with something like that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Geraldo Rivera come in. Fred played their old ''Geraldo'' introduction that they used to play.
Howard asked Geraldo about how he went to FOX news after having his own TV show. Howard said he walked away from the show after 11 years even though it was getting ratings. Geraldo said that he invented the ''Who's your baby's daddy'' thing. He said he had a guy on the show who was abusive to his wife and he told him that the kid wasn't even his kid. The guy walked off and thanked him and then he had to walk off the show himself. He said he just couldn't do that shit anymore.
Howard asked Geraldo how old he is. He's 66 and has a 4 year old kids. He said it's harder than war. Howard asked if that's why he puts himself in dangerous positions. Geraldo said that's exactly why he does that.
Howard asked Geraldo about his young wife. Geraldo said that you can't marry a woman who is of child bearing age and not have kids with them. He said that's why he has the 4 year old. He said it's not easy to have a kid but you get a lovely payback from them.
Howard asked Geraldo if his wife got back into shape. He said she's a fanatic about being in shape so she is back in shape. She's 35 years old. Howard said that's awesome. He asked if he's still having sex on a regular basis. Geraldo said that he is.
Geraldo told Howard that he's been with her since 2000 and he's very happy with her. Howard asked him when he got his first woman. He said he was in his mid-teens. Howard said that Geraldo's last book was about all of the women he had. Howard brought up some of the women he had and tried to have. Barbara Walters was one he tried to make his moves on but that didn't work. Geraldo said he tried everything but it didn't work. He said she was busy doing interviews. Howard said he thinks that he could get her now. Geraldo said he thinks she's still sexy.
Howard said that Geraldo must have had a pay cut when he went to FOX news. Geraldo said he went from $6 million to $2 million so it was a big cut. He said he was asking them to do some stuff from Afghanistan but they wanted him to stay at home. He said he want to the head of FOX and asked if he could go over there. They didn't have a lot of money for him so he had to take that pay cut.
Howard asked Geraldo about his ex-wife and if all of his money goes out the window. Geraldo said he does spend a lot of money on divorce. He said he owns a private island in Puerto Rico and he's doing okay. Howard said he has gone through a lot of money though.
Howard said Geraldo wrote this new book ''The Great Progression: How Hispanics Will Lead America to a New Era of Prosperity'' about how Hispanics are going to save the country. Geraldo said that there's a lot about Latinos that gets lost in translation and they make it seem like they're all sneaking across the boarders and they're all wetbacks. He said that's not the case and there are many doctors, lawyers, baseball players and more. He said that they're not all chicken farmers either.
Geraldo used Sonia Sotomayor as an example. He talked about how she got to where she did and Howard said that was a case of Affirmative Action working for someone. Howard said he's all for Affirmative Action himself.
Howard gave Geraldo a plug for his book and some appearances he was going to be making where he'll be signing books.
Howard asked Geraldo about getting an interview with Michael Jackson's mother. Geraldo said she trusts him. Howard said that Geraldo is convinced that he never sucked off a young boy. Geraldo said he never said that, he just said that he thinks that he was framed. Howard said he must think he wasn't a pedophile. Geraldo said it is extremely unlikely that he ever put his pecker in a young boy. Geraldo said that he's not sure about touching kids or anything like that. He said that he's not sure where the whole criminal thing begins and the Peter Pan thing ends.
Geraldo said that he was one of Michael's confidants in the 90s and he'd call him at all hours and talk to his kids. Howard told Geraldo that he was actually the one calling him at all hours doing his Michael Jackson impression.
Howard asked if he ever asked Michael not to call him in the middle of the night. Geraldo said that he was like a vampire so he was only awake at night. He said all of the times he saw him during the day he had the shades pulled and the lights off.
Howard asked Geraldo if he'd trust Michael with his kids. Geraldo said he wouldn't trust anyone with his kids so that's a ridiculous question.
Howard asked Geraldo about what's going to happen to Jackson's kids. Geraldo said that he was out with Michael one time and he had all three of his kids with him. Blanket was just a toddler at the time. Geraldo said that it was just him, Michael and the three kids hanging out. He said that Jackson didn't have anyone helping him out with the kids at the time. He said he was just as normal as anyone with those kids. He said he doesn't think that he was putting on a show for him either. He said that he was an excellent dad and he could tell from that day.
Robin asked Geraldo if he knew about the drug use. Geraldo said he has been with him when he would look you in the eye and talk to you but he's also been with him when he's curled up in the fetal position and not looking at him. He said he's seen him go through those moods and now he knows why that was. He said it was a junkie's behavior that he was going through.
Geraldo said he never did any hard drugs himself. He said he was paranoid about getting caught. Geraldo said that he used to hang out with Tommy Chong and he even said that if he had ever seen Geraldo doing anything, he would have written about it.
Howard asked Geraldo about the Jackson family and what Michael claimed his father did to him. Geraldo said that Michael got involved with this doctor who kept him cut off from the rest of his family and he's not sure that Joe Jackson was as a bad a guy as they make him out to be. Geraldo said that Joe was turned into the bad guy and the fall guy and that's what that was all about.
Geraldo talked about the pain killers that Jackson was on and how he thinks that this doctor is going to end up going to jail over it. He said that there may be other people who go down with him as well. Howard asked if every doctor that was involved is going to get into trouble. Geraldo said that a lot of those doctors may end up going down. Howard said that maybe Jackson was telling them that he was in pain and maybe they're not guilty if he claimed he was in pain. Geraldo said that he thinks the evidence will show that they knew what was going on. He said he thinks that there may be other people, not in the medical field, that go down for it. It could turn into a big scandal.
Howard asked Geraldo about what he is these days, a liberal or conservative. Geraldo said that he's considered a radical left winger but he doesn't think of himself like that. Howard asked Geraldo about some of the other guys over there and he said they don't speak for him. Geraldo said that he actually voted for Obama. He said he doesn't agree with the stuff they say about Obama over there at FOX.
Howard asked Geraldo if he thinks that Bette Midler was the best lay he ever had. Geraldo said that writing that book was the worst thing he ever did. Artie asked what year he did her. Geraldo said that he had her in 1991.
Howard asked Geraldo about the old days with his last wife C.C. Geraldo said that he was monogamous with her and now he's monogamous again with his new wife.
Howard asked Geraldo about the Iraq war and what he thinks about that. Geraldo said he was against it and still thinks it was a bad idea to go in there. Geraldo said he liked George W. Bush and it's some of the other people in that administration that have to answer questions about why they did all of that.
Geraldo said that if Howard was in power you don't know what you would have done back then. He said that's why he cuts them all slack for what they did.
Howard was checking out some of Geraldo's tattoos and asked him why he's acting Latino all of a sudden. Howard said that he thought he was actually Jewish. Geraldo said that he is Jewish and he even had a ton of Catholics at his Bar Mitzvah.
Howard said he heard that Macauley Culkin is Blanket's father. Geraldo said that he's not sure about that. Geraldo said that he found that the kids were very normal from what he could tell. He said that you do see kids who are more affected than Jackson's kids seemed to him. He said that he thinks that they are so normal because they got to spend time with their grandmother. He said it's untrue that they never go to see their grandmother.
Howard asked Geraldo if Michael Jackson really had no nose. Geraldo said that is true. He said he just had a bump there and a prosthetic that he'd wear in public. He said that they kept tinkering with him until he was beyond the point of no return.
Geraldo said that Jackson seemed to be at peace with himself and that nose when he was around him. He said that it was shocking that it had gotten that bad but he seemed to be okay around some people with that nose. Geraldo said that the doctors were just trying to make money off the guy and he thinks that the state should have the ability to punish people who do that to people like Jackson.
Howard gave Geraldo some more plugs for his book ''The Great Progression: How Hispanics Will Lead America to a New Era of Prosperity'' and said that there are naked pictures of Bette Midler in the book. He was just joking about that though. Geraldo said the book starts off with an interview with J-Lo. Howard asked if he thinks that her ass is too big. Geraldo said he has a vision of Latino women that fits with that so he doesn't find it that big. He said he doesn't like twig like women.
Howard asked Geraldo about his private island and who goes with him. He said there is nothing there so his kids don't even like going there. He said that he sails his boat down there and it takes him 8 days to get there. He said that he is the captain of the ship when he goes down. He said he knows how to get down there and it's the same boat he sailed around the world.
Howard asked how much the island cost him. Geraldo didn't want to say but he hinted that it was in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. He said he had a house built there and he does have satellite TV there. He said that he keeps it as remote as he wants to. Geraldo said that he'd like to do Survivor Puerto Rico on the island some day. He said he did a mock version of it there himself.
Howard started to wrap up with Geraldo and thanked him for coming in. Geraldo said it was good to be back on the show after so long. He said he has been working with Beth on a couple of things lately with the North Shore Animal League.
Howard took a call from King of all Blacks who asked Geraldo about marrying a young woman and how he keeps her interested in him sexually. Howard said that he was arguing with Beth about something this weekend. He said that she had her period and he was very aroused. He needed release and he was going to go masturbate. He said he asked her to take care of him since there are other things she can do. She gave him a hard time and asked him to wait a day or two. Howard said he got upset about that.
Geraldo said that conversation isn't that strange to him. He said that when you're monogamous, you have to deal with that. Howard said that he's put all his eggs in one basket and she has to deal with that kind of thing. Howard said he relies on Beth to make him feel attractive and he needs her to do that for him.
Geraldo said that he's still doing it about 3 times a week. He said he's still in good shape. Howard said he's the same way. Howard asked if he thinks that he's going to go all the way with this marriage. Geraldo said he does think he will. He said that he thinks that she'll bury him.
Another caller said that Geraldo ruined his career. He said that he went up to an interview with Geraldo and he got treated like crap while the two female interns he worked with got all of the work. Geraldo said he has interns scattered throughout the industry. He said that he did treat the girls better and admitted to that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was at Willowbrook shortly before Geraldo exposed that place and she will never forget that. Howard said he didn't hear one thing she said with that voice of her's.
Another caller said that he agrees with Geraldo about the Hispanics helping the country. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Artie asked Geraldo about going to Afghanistan and if he felt the same way about Iraq. Geraldo said that it's tough not to heed the drums of war and he was all hyped up for that whole thing when it happened. He said that they all knew that there were no weapons of mass destruction over there and we all kind of knew it at the time. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that the guys in Oasis are saying they can't work together anymore. He said that the one brother, Liam, can't work with Noel. Howard said that he didn't know they were even still together. Robin said she had read about it. Howard said you'd think they'd just get along. No one is looking for them now anyway.
Howard said he mentioned this contest they have going on where people get celebrities to call in and try to beat Gary at being a producer. Howard said the celebrity gets $5,000 for their charity and the fan gets $5,000 in prize money.
Howard said they have the first celebrity to call in. It's Pat Priest, who was Marilyn Munster on The Munsters. Howard said that Pat was the replacement Marilyn. Pat was on the line and she said that she did 57 episodes while the other Marilyn only did 13.
Robin asked Pat if she's still in show business. She said she's retired now but she does appear at memorabilia shows once in a while. Howard said that's where you sign autographs for the fans. He said that the celebrities bring their own change purse to these things.
Pat said that she gets people come over to her and tell her she doesn't look like Marilyn. Howard said that he was a huge fan of The Musters and he thinks that it may be the best show ever made. Pat said she didn't know they were going to have that cult following that they had.
Howard said that the woman who played Marilyn before Pat did had something very wrong with her. Howard said that woman, Beverly Owen, got that job as Marilyn Munster and from the moment she got the job she was crying about wanting to be with her boyfriend in New York. Howard said they had to let her out of her contract. Howard said that was a great break for Pat Priest because she just did the job.
Pat said she never met Beverly and she doesn't show up to the events she goes to. She said that she started the Monday after Beverly left the show.
Robin asked Pat about Fred Gwynn smoking like a chimney. Pat said he did smoke a lot. He died of pancreatic cancer though. Howard thought it was lung cancer. Howard said he felt that Fred hated that he was Herman Munster because he only did that show for 2 seasons. Pat said that Fred wouldn't even take pictures with Grandpa Al or sign as Herman. She said that she felt it was an Emmy award winning performance. Howard said it was a great show and that's why it's still around.
Howard asked Pat if she's a church going kind of lady. She said she's spiritual. Howard wanted to know if he could talk to her man to woman. She said he could so he told her that he used to masturbate to her. She got a laugh out of that. Howard asked if Elvis ever banged her. She went out with him but she said that he didn't bang her. She didn't bang Herman Munster either. Howard asked if she had lesbian stuff with Yvonne DeCarlo. She said she didn't.
Howard asked Pat if she had any celebrities back in the day. She said she didn't remember. Howard said she must remember. Pat said she's 73 now so it's hard for her to remember. Howard asked Pat if she misses sex. She said that she has moved on to other things.
Pat wanted to tell a cute story. She said it was a story about Howard Stern. Howard said it will probably have something to do with a hand job.
Pat said that she was on the set of The Munsters and they were talking about one of the stage hands and she thought he was such a schmuck. Grandpa Al asked her if she knew what it was. She said it was a jerk and Al told her that a schmuck is a big Jewish penis and a shmeckel is a medium penis. Pat said that she had actually flattered the guy by calling him a schmuck.
Howard asked Pat why Elvis gave her a car. She said that he sold her a car, he didn't give it to her. Howard asked if he wanted her. Pat said she was married at the time so that's not what was going on. She said that Elvis was quiet and religious at the time so she didn't think that he would come on to her. Pat said that she kept the car for 3 years and traded it in on a Pontiac.
Howard said he heard that Pat is broke now. She said she didn't make a lot of money from that show. She said that she's not really broke, she's doing okay. She said she's not on the welfare road yet.
Howard said that back in the day he was doing some nasty stuff to her in his mind. Pat said she's glad she gave him some joy. Howard said he wants to know if women back then shaved. She said that they did all of that stuff back then. She said she would love to meet Howard when she's in town next month. Howard said that she's the first entry and she could get bumped if they have a bigger star call in. She said it was great talking to him.
Howard asked Pat how her health is. She said she's been battling cancer for a year now. She has Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She said she thinks that it's the pesticides that are in our systems. Pat said she's in treatment now and she had two black labs that got the same thing. She said that both of her dogs got it and she thinks that it has to do with the insecticides they use out in the country.
Howard asked Pat who else goes to the memorabilia shows. Pat said the fans show up. She wasn't sure who else was going to be there in September. She said it's usually the older stars. She said that she has worked with a lot of people. She said that Adam West has been at some.
Howard said he hopes that Pat wins so he can have her on the show and that she wins the 5 grand. Howard said that they'll go to see her at the show in September at the memorabilia show. Howard let Pat go a short time later.
Howard said that this contest is working out very well so far. He said that he's sure that Bruce Springsteen is just a short phone call away. Howard got in some plugs for the contest they have going on. You can find out more at Sirius.com/HowardStern.
David said that he runs a web site where they tell people where to get cheap video games. He said that he actually does better than his wife does and she's a lawyer. The site is CheapAssGamer.com
Artie offered the guys his pancakes but Howard told Artie that Pat Priest might need them more than they do. Howard said that he might want to give them to her instead. Artie said he would if she sent a delivery guy to pick them up.
Howard ended up talking about some of his favorite old comedy shows like The Munsters, The Addams Family and the Beverly Hillbillies. Howard said he thought it was an honor to talk to Pat but he's not sure if anyone else cares. Artie goofed on her stories that she was telling about it being a Howard Stern story.
Howard said he's not sure who will call in next. Artie said he'd like to hear Paul Simon call in. Howard said he'd like that too but he'd probably have to ask him about what the Munsters was like.
Gary said they have people like Tom Brady, James Gandolfini, Derek Jeter and Woody Allen on the list of possibilities. Artie said that Derek Jeter would be the winner out of that group. Gary said that no one in L.A. is going to want to hear Derek Jeter. Gary said the whole country doesn't want to hear Derek Jeter.
Robin said that she thinks James Gandolfini would be the winner there. She said that she really knows him better than she knows Derek Jeter. Artie said that if Woody Allen was honest, he'd probably be the winner. Howard did his Woody impression and talked about the stuff he'd like to hear him talking about.
Artie said he knows that Jeter wouldn't be a good interview. He said that he'd be great if he told the truth. Artie said he heard a story about Jeter and a comedian picking up 6 chicks and taking them back to his apartment. Artie said that none of the girls wanted to talk to the comedian. They were all waiting in line to fuck Jeter so the comedian just left.
Howard had to go to break after doing a little more of his Woody Allen impression. He was in the middle of saying something to Robin as he got cut off going to break.
Howard came back and said that he kind of helped put the E! network on the map. Then this guy Ted Harbert came in and basically fired them. He said that they were ''changing directions'' with the network. Howard said he read that Ted broke up with Chelsea Handler who is a reporter on E!. Howard said that Ted got kicked out of her apartment.
Gary said that Chelsea is awful. He said that he found her show unwatchable. He said he has no axe to grind with her but the show wasn't funny. Gary said it may have been a rerun though because she was talking about going places with Ted.
Howard said that Ted was a year younger than him and he got his first job at ABC because his dad was working there. Howard said that was nepotism to him but Ted claims it wasn't.
Howard said he'd like to hear her talk about Ted now. He said that she may have some kind of privacy clause though. Artie said she hates his guts so she might not come on the show. Howard said that takes balls to kick your boss out of your house. He said he likes her for doing that.
Howard said that Steve lucked out that he didn't have to do the Ted Kennedy impression today. Steve said he can't do it and refused to do the impression.
Steve said that they're still looking into DJ AM's death but one of his last tweets on Twitter was about how he had thrown out a first pitch at a game and he ''didn't Baba Booey it.'' That led to the guys talking about Gary's pitch for a short time.
Steve mentioned that Artie's DUI case has been moved to next month. He also mentioned that Joe Buck is returning to do another show next month. Jeff Jarvis was also asked about revealing his cancer fight on Howard Stern's show when he was interviewed recently.
Howard had Jon Hein come in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Robin read about a poll being done about David Letterman and Conan O'Brien. The poll said it was David Letterman who was better. Howard asked if that was an empty win for Letterman because he was up against Jay all those years. Robin said she wasn't sure they ever did a poll like this for them when Jay was on. Howard asked who is the better human being. He said that Conan might be the better human but Dave might be the better innovator.
Howard said he did watch some of Conan's show and he liked his interview with Bill Maher. He said he fast forwards through all of the bits because he hates those. He said that he likes both Conan and Dave though. He said they both have him on their shows.
Howard said that Conan should have stayed at 12:30 at night because he had it made there. Howard said that he never went to a number one radio station. He said he always went to shitholes because there was no way he could go wrong going to a shithole. He said that's what Conan should have done instead of taking over a number one show.
Howard asked Robin who she would rather be in bed with. Robin said it would probably be Conan. She said she can't imagine that Dave is good in bed. Howard said he heard that Dave is a freak though so maybe he would be wild.
Howard said he read somewhere that Robin Williams was picked to play Susan Boyle in a movie. Howard said that's the worst. Artie joked that he had an audition to play that part. Howard said the director told him that he was too feminine to play the part.
Robin said that the Archie comic books have a big shake up coming soon. She thought Howard was a big fan but he said he didn't like them. Howard said he did read some but he didn't like them that much. They spent a few minutes going over some of the stuff that happens in the comics and Howard did know a lot about them. Howard said he did read them but he isn't really a fan.
Howard said that the owner of Archie comics had a daughter who worked with them. Robin didn't know who that was. Howard said it was Susan Berkeley the traffic reporter.
Robin read about Ted Kennedy's death and funeral so Howard and Artie got into their, er-ahh, Kennedy impressions for a short time. They played some audio from the memorial service. Howard cut in and said that Robin should be asking him about all of the women he had sexually. Robin asked if he had anyone famous. Howard, as Ted, told her about some of the things that went on in the family and why he stopped masturbating after their father took their sister's brain out with that lobotomy. Howard brought up a lot of the stuff he brought up during the first half hour of the show this morning. He stayed in character for quite a while as they were playing audio clips from the memorial service.
Howard joked about, er-ahh, Ted being a murderer as they were playing some of the clips. Robin had a bunch of clips to play and Howard stayed in character through the whole thing.
Robin had some news about DJ AM's death. She said that they found his body in his apartment over the weekend. The members of Blink 182 did a tribute to DJ AM during a show. She had some audio of that tribute. Robin said they're saying that it may have been an accidental overdose. Robin read that he had gotten addicted to some drugs after the plane crash he survived. He had to travel a lot so he needed the drugs to keep him calm. They found crack cocaine in his apartment too. Robin said that he had just wrapped a show where he helped people get off of drugs. They're not sure if the show will air or not.
Robin read a story about this guy who abducted a girl and kept her in his back yard for 18 years. Robin had some details of that story that she read through. She said that the girl had two kids with the guy and they're 11 and 15 now. Robin read about how they caught this guy when he was on a college campus preaching his religious stuff.
Howard said he read an article about these kids that get abducted and they will never be the same no matter how much therapy they get. Howard said they rarely can do it no matter how much therapy they get. Howard said there was one woman who ended up becoming a recluse even after becoming a TV star.
Robin said that this woman had access to a phone and computer but she never told anyone that she had been abducted. Robin said they're ignoring the psychological abuse that she could have had before she had access to the phone and things like that.
Robin had some audio of the father of the guy who abducted the girl and even he thought his own son was nuts. He told them to keep an eye on the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could ever jerk off to Japanese Anime porn. Howard said he doesn't think he's ever jerked off to any comics. He said he tried with Annie Fannie in Playboy but he doesn't think it worked. Howard said that there was Jessica Rabbit and he wasn't able to do it to her. He said that he jerked off to the Zapruder film because Jackie O was so hot. He said he's jerked off to a lot of stuff but the comic book thing is very degrading.
Robin read some news about torture and how there are going to be hearings about it. Robin had some audio of John McCain talking about that stuff. She also mentioned Dick Cheney's comments about that. Howard said that you can't shut Dick Cheney up these days. When he was Vice President he was nowhere to be found and now he won't shut up.
Robin had a story about Tyra Banks winning a daytime Emmy over the weekend. She won for Outstanding Talk Show Informative. She had some audio of doing her thank-you speech and they cut her off in the middle of it. Howard said they do horrible bits on those shows and they should just let those winners speak for a couple of minutes instead.
Robin read that it's time for the Whitney Houston comeback. She said her new album drops today. Howard said Robin should go on Facebook and write down her birth year as 1962 because she's so with it now. They played some of her new song and Howard said it as absolutely horrible.
Robin read a story about Sylvester Stallone preparing a fifth Rambo movie. Howard said he loved that last one he did. Artie said he liked it too. Robin wasn't a fan and said they should call it Rickety and not Rambo. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon and Gary were talking about Geraldo talking about going over to Afghanistan to report on what was going on over there. Gary said that he started out as a hard core news reporter so that's what he went back to when he started doing that stuff.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked why Howard watches FOX news when they're so outrageous with their news reports. She said that she's not sure why that is. Gary said he's not sure what's in Howard's brain but the chicks on that channel are hot. He said that when he tunes into terrestrial radio he tunes into shows like Hannity and Bill O'Reilly and that's the kind of show he wants to listen to but he thinks they're out of their minds when he does. He said it's entertaining so maybe that's why Howard is watching FOX.
That led to Jon asking Gary how Scott the Engineer was as a DJ. Gary said he may have been kind of hokey. He used to do the ''Hands Up'' song and that was kind of hokey. He said that he had a LED display and he had his DJ business streaming along on that. He'd also hand out his business cards and things like that.
Scott came in so Jon asked him about the DJ thing. He said he once had a wedding where the Bride and Groom kept asking to hear Doors songs so that's what he did. He said the father of the bride came up and asked him what the fuck he was playing. He said that's what they asked him to play so that's what he did.
Scott said he did another party where it was all Bon Jovi music. He doesn't get why people would want that but he did whatever he was asked to do.
Gary said Scott did Mike Gange's graduation party. Scott said that he did some bizarre things. Gary said Scott provided the DJ for his wedding. He said that they went and saw what Scott did at Gange's party and they didn't want any of that stuff. Scott said that he would do whatever anyone wanted. He said that they'd tell him not to do that stupid shit and he wouldn't do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's a program on computers that will mix songs for you. He said there is no art to it so you can just pick two songs and have the computer do it. Gary said that he still thinks that there is an art to it.
Benjy said that Artie was saying that he saw how good DJ AM was before he even knew who he was. Gary said he remembers that story and he thinks that DJ AM was a pretty good DJ. Gary said that you can pretty much put everything on your iPod or computer.
Scott said that it is an art form. He said that you have to make it seamless. He said that he has screwed up and played songs he thinks are great and the whole crowd just clears the dance floor.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he has been a DJ for some time now and it's hard to figure out exactly what to do. He said that he makes about $400 per gig. Scott said he was making 500 twenty years ago when he was doing the DJ thing.
Gary said that Scott did a Christmas party for his wife's company because they were fans of the Stern Show at the time.
A caller asked Scott if he ever had anyone who wanted to pay him with beer and things like that. Scott said that he had people that wanted to party and things like that. He said one time he left the cash on top of his car one time. He said he went to find his key to his car and empties his pockets to find the key. Then he left the money on the roof of the car and drove off.
Another caller said that he was asked not to play the Electric Slide during her wedding and he was fine with that. Then this other woman came up and said that she was going to call the cops if he didn't play the song. He said she was obliterated drunk when she was doing that.
Scott said that some people do go bonkers at these things and it's crazy. He said he doesn't really miss doing that stuff now. He said it was good money but it was a lot of travel and set up and things like that. He said you have to bring an amp and speakers and things like that. These days it would be easier than it was back then but he'd rather not do it.
Scott said that he went home 5 years ago after a gig and told his wife he was done. That stuff is still in his closet 5 years later and he hasn't touched it since.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott was at a gig he did one time and he asked Scott not to play the Chicken song. He said that his mother complained about him not playing it. He said he just smiled. He said that Scott is the man for not playing that awful song.
Jon asked Scott if he critiques events that he goes to. Scott said he really doesn't care that much about it now. He talked about some of the goofy songs that people requested and danced to. Gary asked if he knew how to do the Electric Slide. Scott said that he faked it. He really didn't know how to dance to that song.
Ralph called in so Jon asked if he's ever seen Scott in action. He said that the E! people used to hire him for their Christmas parties. He said they did that as a goof and he wasn't able to read the room. Scott said that Christmas parties are hard to do. He said that people don't want to dance at those things.
Ralph said that they're just a bunch of drunken young people and it shouldn't be that hard. Ralph said that a good DJ can put you in the right mood and it's great when they're that good.
Scott said that he used to work like 10 hours and made about 100 bucks. He said it was very hard. He has no desire to do that stuff anymore. Ralph told him he could have called himself DJ Baldie or something like that. Ralph laughed at Scott's comments as they were saying goodbye to him. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that Howard was joking about it but then Howard asked Richard if he would jerk him off. Richard said he would. Jon had an audio clip of them talking about that.
After the clip Jon asked Richard about a comment he made about blowing Howard. Richard said he would probably get into the NY Times if he did something like that. Gary said it might end up in the NY Post but not in the Times. Benjy said he thinks that they'd cover it.
Richard said it would be the craziest thing ever and it would be bigger than War of the Worlds. Gary wondered what the headline would be for that story. Gary said he doesn't want Richard calling himself a producer anymore because he doesn't want anyone mistaking him as the producer that sodomized Howard Stern when that headline hits.
Jon asked Richard if he really would blow Howard. Richard said that he can say anything but he's not sure that it would actually happen. Richard said he's not sure he'd be able to go through with it. Benjy said it would be embarrassing if Howard would do it and Richard backed out.
Gary asked Richard why he would even think about this. Richard said it's a funny scenario. He said he wanted them to picture it in their minds that Howard gets up, walks over, drops his pants and he starts sucking on him. He said that it's funny to picture in his mind.
Richard said that he had a dream about doing this stuff and it all started off with Howard wanting to see the wound he had on his arm. Richard said that he dreamt that Howard asked him to take his shirt off to show him if he had any other infections. Jim Florentine was on the couch and Howard asked him to help take his shirt off. Richard said that they were all laughing at him and then the dream ended.
Benjy said that Richard has pitched a version of this like 4 times on the air. Richard said there was this guy, Chloroform Bob, who would chloroform girls and just change their clothes. he said Howard was really into it and he wanted Howard to change his clothes while he was chloroformed. He said they were afraid of what the chloroform would do to him so they didn't do it.
The guys asked Benjy about his dream and if it was something he enjoyed or not. Richard said that it was kind of fun.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that Richard would blow Howard. Sal said he thinks he would. Gary said that Sal agreed to do that too when he was under hypnosis. Sal said it was the way that the question was posed that made him say yes.
Sal said that he gets all of his news from Howard and he always thought that Howard was saying ''Chappaquida'' so that's why he used it. He said that he has never read the word so he didn't know any better. He was basically blaming Howard's pronunciation for him screwing up the word. Sal said that really upset him because it screwed up a great bit. The guys told him that it made a great bit even better when he screwed it up.
Sal was saying that Ted Kennedy is just known for being with the Kennedy family. Gary said that he's done a lot as a Senator and asked Sal if he has any idea. Sal had no idea. Gary said he's pushed for health care reform. Sal said he could do the same thing, that's no big deal.
Sal was going off on Kennedy and saying that some guy having an agenda doesn't make a great Senator. Gary said that he actually changed laws and made a difference. Sal wasn't stopping and kept talking over Jon even when Jon was trying to shut him up.
Jon asked Sal if he picks up more about famous people when he does these bits or does he just move on. Sal said that was a good question. He said that it inspired him to learn more about the whole Chappaquiddick thing. Gary asked Sal how he knew who Mary Jo Kopechne was but didn't know Chappaquiddick. Sal said he asked Jim McClure about it and he just told him to go out and ask the questions.
Gary said that Sal didn't know who Mary Jo Kopechne was and he was going out to goof on people who didn't know who Ted Kennedy was. He said that's pretty funny. Sal said he was acting as a reporter and he didn't have to know all of that information to ask the questions.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal and Richard hat it would take to get Richard to put his penis in Sal's pouch. They already had a name for that. They call it ''docking.'' Richard said he'd do that for a hundred thousand dollars or so. Sal said they do have a name for it and he heard about it from his manager Rich Rockland. He said that Rich encourages them to do it almost every time they see the guy.
Another caller said that Sal sounds like the most ignorant person when he's talking about Ted Kennedy. Sal said he doesn't get that. He doesn't think it's that big of a deal. The caller said that Sal going out an interviewing people the way he did makes him sound like a complete idiot. Sal said all he knew about was the Chappaquiddick incident. The caller told Sal to read a book once in a while. Sal said he doesn't have time to read. Then he said he is reading a book about Chris Farley's life.
Sal said he reads stuff he wants to read about. He asked Gary if he wanted to read a book about ''Trigonomics.'' Gary laughed. Sal wondered if he had said that word wrong. The guys told him that was just right for him.
Gary and Jon told Sal about Ted Kennedy and some of the things he has done while he's been in the Senate. Gary said that he may have done more in his career than his brothers ever did combined.
Gary said he used to love when Howard did both Ted and Joan on the megaphone. They talked about his Henry Kissinger impression and also his Elvis and things like that. Jon wondered if the voice is going to go away now that Ted is gone. The guys are pretty sure that it's not going anywhere since there will be more Kennedy stories in the future. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his opening song and how he wishes that he had a chance to re-record it. He said no one wants to record with him now though so he won't be doing that. Robin said that no one requested the song so maybe he doesn't have to sing it.
Howard moved on and said that he had a big show coming up. They have Insane Clown Posse coming in and they'll be talking about their big Juggalo tour. Robin said they were on Bubba's show recently. Howard said Bubba is apparently a ''Bubbalo'' fan.
Howard said he got some email from the fans about his Ted Kennedy tribute yesterday. He said they were going to do the whole show as Ted but Robin dropped out pretty quick. He said he got some email from some people who enjoyed the impressions he was doing for the first 25 minutes of the show yesterday. Howard read through some of those and a lot of people loved it. Then he got to the negative emails about the impressions. He said that some people thought 15 minutes was plenty but 40 minutes was too much. Howard said it was one person but it was like raining on his parade.
Howard read some feedback about Geraldo Rivera. There were some people who enjoyed the interview. They liked that he was talking about Michael Jackson but didn't agree with him on his thoughts that he was a good father. They spent a short time talking about Jackson's odd behavior.
Howard interrupted the email and talked about how great True Blood was this weekend with the queen of the vampires. He said it was very hot.
Howard got back to the email and read one about Beth. The writer was telling him how hot she is when he sees her. He congratulated Howard on the marriage and Howard said he forwarded that to Beth. He said that's much different than what happens on SternFanNetwork. He said that they chased her right out of that place with the comments about her being ugly. He said they're supposed to be his fans on there but that doesn't appear to be the case.
Howard read some feedback about Pat Priest's interview from yesterday's show. That led to the guys talking about how she didn't sound like Marilyn from The Munsters. Some fans liked the interview and how Howard handled that interview.
Howard read some email about the Kings of Leon song he played yesterday. He said some people were happy that he played that. Gary is on top of trying to get them to come in there and they have an in because their manager is the guy who DJ'd Gary's wedding. They may get them on the show.
Howard said they were debating some of that celebrity stuff in the back office yesterday. They were wondering if Bruce Springsteen would win over Paul Simon. Robin said she would have to say Springsteen would win. Howard said that Paul Simon has more hits than Bruce. Robin said that Bruce is more relevant right now though. Howard agreed with that.
Howard noticed that Gary was still sporting a beard so he asked if he was sticking with that. Gary said he is even though he's not a huge fan of it. Howard said it makes him look old. Howard said he has Yassir Arafat facial hair. Gary said that Geraldo's moustache is looking odd these days. Howard said that's his whole identity though. Gary said times change.
Howard said he used to have a bad moustache. He said it was like a Charles Bronson moustache. Howard hated the moustache because he was always tugging at it and it was inside his mouth and stuff. He said it would get smelly too. Howard said it's ridiculous to have a patch of hair on your face. Artie said he had one for about four years. Howard said he remembered that but Artie said that was before he met him.
Howard asked who would win in the call in between Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger. Artie said that Paul has already been on the show. He said he thinks that Mick Jagger would be the win there.
Howard asked Letterman or Leno. Fred thinks it's Letterman. Robin said Leno would be the bigger star. Howard said Letterman is a bigger star because he's an innovator. Robin said that he's more removed and harder to get to too. She thinks that more people know Leno though. Howard said she might be right based on his ratings.
Howard asked who is bigger, him or Pete Fornatel. Artie said there is no radio comparison to Leno and Letterman. Howard said that would be a tough one to decide between Leno and Letterman.
Howard asked Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler. Fred said Carrey. Robin said Sandler. Then they went over Bob Dylan and Paul Simon. Howard was thinking it would be Dylan. Robin said that's not the case. She thinks that Paul is bigger. Howard said Dylan would be a bigger get for the show.
Howard asked about Oprah and Julia Roberts. They went back and forth on that. They threw in some other names with Oprah and Robin was saying that it would usually be someone other than Oprah. Howard said Robin seems to have a handle on all of that.
Howard took another call from a guy who thanked him for yesterday's show. He said that it should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard thanked him for that and said that he got a letter and a big box from a listener by the name of Craig. He said they recently pointed out what a joke that Hall of Fame thing is. He said that Craig sent him ''Craig's Radio Hall of Fame'' and said that he was selected to be in his hall of fame. Howard said that they don't have a building but they will put his photo in his basement. He said that he's welcome to visit any time as long as they give a day's notice so they can clean up the toys and shit in the basement.
Howard said the guy even sent him a trophy. He said it was really nice too. Howard said they're going to put that on his mantle in the studio. Howard was very proud of the win.
That led to the guys playing the prank call they made to Wendy the Retard using Bruce Dumont's call to Wendy Williams when he inducted her into the Radio Hall of Fame.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked them to play some prank calls for him. He suggested one where a guy prank called Prince William. The guy was also going to China to pick up a kid there. Howard thanked him for that call and let him go. He said he was going to ask him why they're taking a kid from China.
Howard played the Wendy Williams show clip where she accepted her Radio Hall of Fame induction. Howard said they really have to tell her that it's not a big deal to be inducted into that hall of fame. Howard said they should induct her into Craig's Radio Hall of Fame too and then call her and see if she'll accept it on the air.
Howard was listening to the Wendy Williams thing and said that the live audience really sucks. He said that he can't imagine having to deal with a live audience like that. He said they'd be interrupting every 3 seconds.
Howard played more of the Wendy Williams show clip and goofed on that a little more. Howard said her reaction was the greatest. She starts crying when she tells the fans that she has dreamed of winning something like this.
Howard said they have to have Craig call Wendy to induct her into his hall of fame. Howard said that they could have a different hall of fame every day.
Howard played one of the prank calls the guy requested earlier. Fred played the Prince Charles prank call he brought up. It was one where a guy called a talk show where Prince Charles was being interviewed. The caller made some jokes and said that Baba Booey was going to challenge Charles for the throne. The guy was calling himself Bob Abooey as well. They ignore the caller and hang up only to have him call back in and throw in another joke where he asks Prince Charles to stick his head up a dead bear's asshole.
Howard played some of the show where Scott talked about giving up on his DJ business and going into retirement. Scott has had his equipment in his closet for the past 5 years.
The guys were also talking to Scott about what he did at the events he was DJ at. Scott talked about not knowing how to do the Electric Slide and things like that. The guys thought that Scott did know how to do the dances but he was just lying about that.
Scott came in and said that Doug asked him to do an event for Beetlejuice but he turned it down. He said he's done with it and he doesn't know what music to play now.
Howard said that Scott mentioned he had that equipment and Gary wanted to buy it from him. Scott said it's worth a lot of money. Howard said it's probably antiquated and not worth that much. Scott said it is still worth some money.
Scott said he knows he wouldn't do a good job. Howard asked if he ever did a good job. Scott claims that he did. Doug Goodstein came in and said that Scott could practice for two months but he doesn't want to do that. Howard said that Scott isn't going to do that for this one gig.
Howard said he could just play ''Boom Boom Pow'' at the party. Scott said he could just play that song over and over again. Doug said that Scott told them that he's irrelevant now. Howard asked when he was relevant.
Howard started to do his impression of Scott and goofed on him about that. Gary came in and said that Ronnie told him that Scott had a video of him Deejaying and they may be able to get a hold of that. It might be another piece of Stern Show history. Gary said that Ronnie's son saw the video and based on that he didn't hire Scott to do his party.
Howard asked Scott to find that video so they can see it. Howard said that he can imagine Scott talking about that video and showing it to people. Howard said that Scott looks like a sad sack and he probably told people that he wasn't one at parties.
Howard said that Joey Boots was Scott's assistant for a while. Scott said that's true. Howard said it was Mr. Fun and his fun assistant. Scott said he didn't know Joey was gay and used to get dressed in front of him. He said he used to show up in jeans and he'd get changed for the parties in front of Joey.
Howard asked if there are two people you'd want the least at a party. Joey Boots and Scott the Engineer. Robin said that she remembers the time that Scott got beaten up by 6 year olds. Howard said he wouldn't embarrass Scott with that story again.
Howard said Sal was blaming him for not being able to say Chappaquiddick. He played a clip of Sal explaining that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Sal said he's heard Howard saying the name over the years and thought it was ''Chappaquida.'' Howard said Sal has to have heard the word said by other people because that story was a big deal.
Howard said that Gary told Sal to get a book that's made to bring people who don't know much about history up to date. Sal bought the book and was all excited about it but he never did read it.
Howard played more of the discussion that Sal was having with Gary and Jon about the ''Chappaquida'' mistake. Sal was saying that he heard Howard say it so that's how he learned the word. Then he'd say that he didn't learn it from Howard. He was contradicting himself.
Howard played another clip where Sal talked about the Chappaquiddick thing and how he doesn't know about Ted Kennedy. Sal told a caller he didn't have time to read about history and didn't have time to read history. Then he said he was reading a Chris Farley book. Then he asked if Gary wanted to study ''Trigonomics.''
Howard said that Sal screwed that word up and he's not sure what he was trying to say there. Howard and the guys goofed on Sal about that for a short time. Howard said it's wild what's going on with that guy. He said he doesn't know anything.
Howard said that John the Stutterer has the worst show on their channels. He said that the show is just horrible. He said he loves it but it's horrible.
Howard had some clips from John's show to play. Howard said High Register Sean called into John's show and he won't let people talk when people don't agree with him. Howard said he won't let them say anything and he's still mad at them.
In the first clip Sean was going off on Ted Kennedy and then John started to yell at him. He wouldn't let Sean get in a word and would yell at him when Sean tried to say something. John was saying that he thinks that Sean is a Nazi. Whenever Sean tried to tell him something he would yell over him.
Howard had to cut the clip off saying that it went on for another 3 minutes. Howard said it just goes on and on and on. Howard said you never know what either one of them are talking about because they just yell over each other.
John and Sean were yelling back and forth through the whole clip that Howard played. John was wishing cancer on Sean's ugly wife while Sean was trying to talk about Glen Beck. John kept repeating himself over and over again with whatever it was he was trying to say. Sean started screaming at John but John wasn't listening and just kept yelling at him.
Howard said the clip had another minute and 16 seconds to it and it was all yelling. Howard let it play through and said that John should really let the other guy talk. He just can't let him do that.
Howard said the clip goes on for another minute and then John takes another phone call. You think the yelling is going to stop but he ends up yelling at that caller too. He calls him a dumb fuck and tells him he's just like Glen Beck too. He yells at him to go cry like a sissy like Glen Beck and just starts fighting all over again. Robin said they can't have John doing more than an hour long show. That would kill the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that it's funny that John can't get laid through Craigslist like Benjy can. He said that John was talking about that on the show and he can't get laid like that.
Howard said Benjy has a lot of luck through Craigslist. He gets laid all the time. Robin said that he's stopped that. Howard said that's not true, he's still doing it. Howard said that he claims that they're model caliber too. Howard asked Benjy if he's getting even more girls. Benjy said that he's not doing that anymore. He said he's not having sex with anyone right now. Howard asked why that is. Benjy said he's being completely real about that and he's not doing that.
Gary said he think that Benjy is playing that down now because he has someone in his life that he's trying to impress. Howard said he might be right about that. He said that Benjy might be trying to hide that stuff from someone.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a music store where they claimed to have someone who swallowed a harmonica. They used John the Stutterer clips and harmonica sounds to make it sound like John had swallowed the harmonica.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave Howard the name of the chick who was on True Blood. He said that she was topless in a movie called ''Across the Universe.'' Howard said she's very hot and she was almost eating a chick out on that show. Marilyn Manson dated her too. Robin said that she's not dating him anymore. Howard said that she was very sexy on the show. The caller told him to check out that movie. Howard said he had never seen it but he'll have to check it out.
Gary said that Yucko was out there and he wasn't in his Yucko outfit. He said that he was going to break his balls and ignore him but it was just a goof and then he got drunk and forgot that he was even there. Gary said he was just breaking his balls and wasn't really going to blow him off. Gary said that Yucko breaks his balls all the time about stuff and this was his chance to break his balls back. Howard said he didn't know that they were up to all of that.
Gary said that Yucko texts him a lot about that stuff and he just wanted to get back at him. Gary asked Yucko how many times he called and texted him on Thursday night. He said it had to be like 8 times. Yucko said it may have been a bunch.
Howard let Yucko go and asked Gary if he likes the guy. Gary said he's alright but he's kind of depressing lately. He said he thinks that he's still depressed about something and he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down that road with him out there in Vegas. Artie said Yucko hasn't been himself since his wife left him.
Howard said that he keeps getting updates from the DamnShow.com web site. He said he's never looked at that stuff so he's not sure if it's good or not. He said he loves Yucko but he's not sure about the other guys on the site. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sort of sang along with the song. Howard said he was listening to Sal and Richard busting the Tradio guy's balls. He said he'd get to that later but he had to bring in Lisa G with her news preview.
Lisa came in and said that Sour Shoes was grounded for making so many phone calls. Howard asked how old he is and how he can be grounded at the age of 34. Howard said that a 34 year old shouldn't be grounded. He said ''34 year old'' and ''grounded'' shouldn't be in the same sentence. Lisa said that no one is allowed to come over and visit him either.
Lisa said that Scott DePace is thinking about cancelling his subscription to HBO because of their liberal shows. She said that he was complaining about the stuff that they have on that channel all the time and how he doesn't want to support it. He saw a show where they were talking about how great the world would be with no wars and wanted to cancel. Howard said maybe he should just change the channel and move on.
Scott came in and said that he never said the line about no wars. He said that the news department is just wrong. Scott explained what he was talking about and how they got that all wrong. He said that the stuff they have on HBO makes him want to punch the screen. He said there's really nothing to watch this season anyway. He doesn't watch True Blood and he thinks that Entourage sucks this season.
Howard said he gets every shitty channel out there and didn't know that HBO was $15 on its own. Howard said he has to move out of his apartment for a while since he's getting his apartment remodeled. He has to rent a place for 2 months and they don't even have a hi-def TV in the place. Howard said the air conditioning doesn't work and his dog won't sleep because of that.
Howard said Beth was trying to keep him positive but he asked her what made her think that he was that type of person. He said that he's all negative. She's going to be leaving him soon anyway. He said they have a wedding they have to go to and they have a 5th grade reunion that he was thinking about going to. He said that he liked some of those kids that he went to school with and he'd like to see those white kids that moved away when he was in 5th grade.
Howard said he was going to go to this thing but he has something planned with the family. Howard said some of the people started to bad mouth him when he said he wasn't going to make it. Howard knows it would be a horrible experience for him. He's just not good at social events. Howard said he's not good at any party.
Howard talked about the great party he went to over vacation and how cool it was but he had to leave it early. He said he just had to get out of there.
Lisa asked if Gary visited Howard over vacation with his fungus feet. Howard said that he was there but he wore his socks the whole time. Gary said that Ralph had emailed Beth about the fungus when he asked her ''Is fungus foot there yet?'' in an email.
Howard said he had a great time with Gary. He said he's fun to hang out with. Gary said the whole thing was very mellow. He said that the worst part was that he left the place thinking that Howard wasn't resigning and he may not stay there. Howard said he thinks that he'll be there and he'll end up doing something there. Howard said that he really doesn't know what he's going to do in a year and a half. He said that if they have something interesting for him to do, he may do it.
Howard said he doesn't know what the future is going to bring and he'll have to wait to see what happens in a year and a half. Howard said he was going to quit terrestrial radio when satellite showed up. He really doesn't know what he's going to do at this point. Howard said there is a lot to be done on satellite but he wants to restructure it in his own way. He's not sure that the company will want him to do it that way though.
Howard said that he's not sure what they'll be able to pay him at that time either so that may not work out. Howard said that Mel has been saying that they don't have to pay people as much now that they've merged. Howard said the merger was a big deal for him but now it's not looking like such a great thing.
Howard said that Mel is very optimistic and he thinks that maybe something can be worked out. He said that everything is cool right now and the company is doing well. He said if the car industry turns around then maybe they'll do better.
Lisa said that Scott DePace also says that he wouldn't hesitate to hit his dog with a paper if he has to. That's even after he went through training the dog. Scott came back in and said that he didn't say that either. He said that he has not hit the dog since the training but if he had to, then he would. He said that he'll do what he has to do to discipline the dog.
Howard asked Scott if he wanted him to hit him on the ass with his hand to see if it hurts. Scott said dogs aren't hurt by that and he doesn't hit it that hard. Howard asked if he'll let him smack him when he does something wrong. Scott said there are better ways to do things. He said that he'll hit Howard back. Howard said the dog can't hit him back. Scott said that they're all so righteous.
Scott said that Howard was anti-dog 10 years ago and now he's all pro-dog and not hitting dogs. Howard said that he's never had to hit his dogs. He had a black lab and that dog never had to be hit.
Scott said that the trainer worked but he doesn't have time to spend on that. He said that he's happy with his dog the way it is now. He said she's very happy and things are going good. Howard said that Nicole and OJ were doing good until he killed her too.
Howard said Scott should apologize to Lisa too because she just reported what he said. Scott said she left some stuff out though. She only reported half the truth according to Scott.
Lisa mentioned that Jackie the Joke Man is going to be making an appearance in the TV show ''Leverage.'' Howard said that Jackie is always Jackie in every part he plays. He's always going to be that guy and he can't act like anyone else. Howard asked who is giving Jackie these roles. Robin said the producer is a friend and gave him the role. Howard played a clip of Jackie ''acting'' in a show where he was playing himself. The other actors weren't that great in that clip either but Jackie was just being himself. Jackie even got in a plug for his Joke Master Jr. in that role.
Howard asked who was acting better, Jackie or the other guy in that clip. None of them were very good actors. Howard said that scene may have been adlibbed. Howard wondered what the name of that movie was. He said they might have to have a screening of it. Howard found out that the movie is called ''The Wicked'' and Richard has a copy of it to loan him.
Howard played more of the scene where Jackie was joking around with this guy who was supposed to be a senator but sounded like a Mob guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott DePace is a piece of shit. He said that he's a dog beater, a homophobe and his politics are shit. He said that he always deflects when you try to say something to him. Scott came in and said that he doesn't beat his dog. Howard said that he hits the dog. Scott said that's right. Scott said that it's their opinion that it's wrong to hit a dog. He said that he doesn't hit it all the time and doesn't punch her in the face. Howard said he has used negative reinforcement but he would never hit his dog.
Howard said he was done with this. The caller and Scott were going back and forth about that stuff though. The caller asked Scott if he would hit his kid if he found out he was gay. Artie said that Scott would never touch a gay guy.
Another caller pointed out that Scott can only focus on one thing that he believes. That's what he found wrong with Scott. He said that his whole political platform is hypocritical. Howard told the guy that he had to bail out of this call too. He didn't want to be in the middle of all of this.
Howard told Scott that he is like a moron and he can't agree with just one party like the Republicans. Scott said he doesn't agree with everything they stand for. Scott said he's pro-choice. He told the caller to shut up already. Howard hung up and said that he was done with it a long time ago.
Howard said that he thinks that there should be health care for everyone. He said that there are people out there working hard and they can't afford health insurance. When they get sick they end up bankrupted from it. He said that we need that kind of help for those people that can't afford it. Howard said they have to be fair.
Howard said he knows there are assholes out there having kid after kid who don't have health care. He said they are assholes and he gets that. He said there are others who need help and they're not assholes. There are also the old people who take advantage of their health care and try to bankrupt the coverage by going to the doctor every day. He said that's wrong too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he used to be able to play some of that song on guitar. He talked about his childhood a little bit and how he was recently thinking about how great it would have been to be a surfer. Howard said his mother thought that was ''feh'' and didn't like the idea of him doing something like that. She didn't like his tattoos either.
Howard talked about his mother giving him a hard time about the ear ring thing even though she has ear rings. Howard said he had to explain the tattoo thing to her too and that was a nightmare. He did his impression of her talking to him about that.
Howard said he thought that Sal and Richard were done with the Tradio guy but they've called him again. He played a clip of them calling this guy Jack who actually does the Swap Shop Show. Sal was telling him that he had to turn the gas down on his grill but then made a fart sound. Then Richard called in and said that he was a semen collector for horses and bulls. Jack told them that they were idiots. They kept calling back with more idiotic calls of course. One woman called in and asked if they had caller ID there to identify those callers. She thought it was more than one.
Howard let the clip play on and it was more Sal and Richard calls. Jack kept cutting them off each time they called. Richard called in about the jacking off thing again. Then they played a clip of Jeff Levy the Vomit guy saying that he loves vomit. Jack hung right up on him too.
Howard said that business Jack is in is a horrible business. He played some of a commercial that Jack does for that show and it was echoing really bad. Howard and Artie goofed on that a little bit.
Howard's mic cut out for a second. He said that whenever he gets excited it cuts out. Howard said he'd like to hear that whole show with commercials and all. That guy said that he had been in it for 50 years. Artie said that means he's been doing it since the year Michael Jackson was born. Howard said he can't imagine getting stuck in something so awful for so long.
Howard said he was able to get out of the trenches but he'd be really depressed if he was still doing the Swap Shop stuff. Howard said that if the business was equal then the guy would be his boss at this point.
Howard said that they were playing sound effects on that show during the discussion. Howard thought it was Fred at first but Fred said that wasn't his bong sound effect they were using. Howard said he hates when they joke about the hash thing in reports like that. The one anchor was pretending he didn't know what hash was.
Howard wondered if it's true that Angelina Jolie heard the show and got mad at Brad. He said that's weird because she used to make out with her brother. You wouldn't think she'd be that uptight.
Howard and Artie were saying that they'd be smoking hash if they were Brad Pitt too. He's got 8 kids to deal with and they're not all his biological kids.
Howard played another clip where Anderson was saying that anyone who believes in the death penalty for murders should believe in the death penalty for homosexuals. The guy goes on and on about that saying that they are not reproducers, they are ''recruiters.''
Howard said that the guy is a moron. There are more of them because they are feeling like they can come out of the closet now. Howard said that gays aren't recruiting other gays.
Howard played some more of this Anderson guy going off on the gays some more. Howard said a lot of these guys that rant about the gays are gay themselves. He said that's happened before and they come out of the closet after they go off on gays like this guy does.
Howard played more of Anderson's rant about the homosexuals spreading disease. He cut it off and said that when you're so against this you might be gay yourself. Howard said he never spends time thinking about this stuff and it's not even part of his world. He said he just doesn't spend any time on that kind of thing.
Howard said there was a TV report where this guy got on TV. He said he's getting some attention because he wants Obama to die and he refuses to take that back. Robin said she knew he was in the news. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Howard played a news report where Anderson was talking about his YouTube video where he wished cancer upon Obama. Anderson said that he doesn't condone killing but he is praying that Obama gets cancer. Howard said this guy sounds kind of effeminate in the clip.
The news reporter was also talking about how there was a guy at an Obama press conference carrying a gun. She asked the guy if he was inspired by this Pastor to carry the gun there. The guy refused to answer. Pastor Anderson was saying that, if anything, he was calming people down with his sermons.
Howard played the audio of that interview where Larry was talking to Brown about his arrest for beating up Rihanna.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about Larry King's wife coming in and it was universal hate. Howard said he thinks she was great on the show though so he's going to have her on no matter what. Gary is going to be calling her about doing a lie detector test today so they may have her back on soon.
Artie did his Ed Torian the Lie Detector guy impression for a short time. He was coming up with some questions they could be asking Larry King's wife when she returns. They had some fun with that for a short time.
Howard played the Larry King interview clip where he asked Chris about the beating and Brown claims he doesn't remember doing it. Brown said that he just forgot about it. Robin said it didn't sound like he was asking the same question 5 times. Howard said that he wouldn't break down and forget his name if Larry asked him his name five times. Artie did some more of his Ed Torian impression and then they had to go to break.
Howard came back and had Insane Clown Posse come in. He said that they have a new album out. Howard said Violent J looks a little bigger than ever. He said that Shaggy 2 Dope is looking thinner. They've been locked in a studio for 8 months working on this new album of theirs.
Howard had some problems with J's microphone so he had to fix that. He moved on to talk to the guys about their make up and how they actually put it on for the show even though they're on radio. Shaggy said it takes him about 15 minutes to put his on. He's been doing it for 17 years so it doesn't take long. Howard said it was very involved so it must take longer than that.
Violent J said that Shaggy used to do both of their make up but he eventually got sick of it and told him to do it on his own.
Howard asked the guys about their fans who are known as Juggalos and Juggaletts. He said that they get together once a year and they are considered gang members now. J said that they're misunderstood and there are no words to describe how magically fresh that gathering is.
J said that they had about 20,000 people gather this year. It was their 10th annual gathering according to Shaggy. J said that they're all around the party while it's going on and they want to be a part of it. Howard said a lot of rock stars don't hang with their fans during the show. The guys said they don't hang out before the shows. When they do the gathering they join them.
Howard asked if the girls at these things want to blow them and stuff. J said ''absolutely.'' Howard asked Shaggy about his 3 kids and how he can't get blow jobs. Shaggy said that two of his kids are teenagers now.
Howard asked J about his father leaving his family and how his step-father tried to touch him when he was like 5 or 7. J said that he tried to juggle his balls and things like that.
Howard asked J if his step-father tried to kiss him. J said he used to walk around in a robe with his dick hanging out and stuff like that. He said it was a nightmare. J said that he was the youngest in the family and he was probably the easiest one to mess with. Howard asked if he messed around with any of the other kids in the family. J said that there was no sucking him off going on. He said the guy juggled his balls and that was about it.
Howard said maybe this is why J became ''Violent J.'' J said that might be true. Howard asked where his mother was during all of this. He said that she was working.
J said that his sister ran away and left a detailed note about what he was doing. He said that's when his mother found out what was going on. She started throwing dishes and stuff and kicked him the fuck out of the house. Howard said that a lot of women wouldn't kick someone like that out.
J said there were plenty of thoughts of killing the guy. Howard asked what he would do if they brought him into the studio now. J said that he'd kill the guy right there. Howard said J must love his mother for doing that. J said his mom was a super mom and he loves her for that.
Howard asked J if he takes care of his mom now. He said that he does whatever he can for her. Howard said that she's his burden. J said it feels good to take care of her so it's not a burden at all.
Howard asked J why he's gotten so big. J said that he's not that fat, it's just the shirt he's wearing. He said he's been eating Filet Mignon's every night too.
J said that being skinny isn't for him. He said that's just not his thing. Howard asked if he's married. He has a girlfriend and he's faithful to her. He said that he isn't having sex at the shows anymore. Both of them have stopped with that stuff. They don't fuck around anymore. Howard said that doesn't sound so insane to him.
Howard said that they've become the not-so-insane clown posse. J and Shaggy said that they're ''Reasonable Clown Posse'' now.
Howard read some notes from some fans who were at their Juggalo gathering this year. There is a lot of crazy stuff that goes on there. Howard read through some of that stuff that was in the note.
Howard heard that they had a lawsuit against them for spraying soda on a fan. The guys said that they have a lot of lawsuits against them. They have about 4 going on right now. They're always throwing soda bottles out into the crowds at every show. They said that this guy suing them is a crybaby. They talked about this guy being a crybaby bitch. They talked about the Faygo soda they kick out into the crowd and how most people can handle it.
Howard said that Shaggy shit his pants when he got his ass beat one time. J said that it's actually been twice. Shaggy beat up a chick one time and some dudes came back to beat his ass for that. Shaggy said this chick grabbed his balls and he ended up putting her on the floor. Robin said if he was attacked then maybe it was okay to fight with the woman. J and Shaggy said that the chick was a big chick too and not some feminine girl.
Shaggy said he was like 17 at the time and he got his ass beat. He said he shit his pants that day and he was wearing white pants so the stain was very visible.
Howard asked Shaggy about shitting his pants and if the guys gave him a hard time about that. Shaggy said he doesn't know. He said he never looks at anyone's ass when he's beating someone up.
J said that he's been beaten up too. He said he went to a concert one time and some chick was getting messed with and the other dude he was with started in with the guy who was with the chick. J said that the shit just came out of his butt during the fight. Robin said she had never heard of that phenomenon. J said he knew he shit his pants when it happened so he ran into a women's bathroom and threw his shorts in the garbage.
Howard asked the guys if they're proud of the fact that they've been in these fights. They said that if you've ever been in a fight and haven't shit your pants, then you're lying.
Howard asked the guys if they're toughening up their kids. They said that their kids are growing up the same way they did so they're going to be tough. Shaggy said his kids are learning to box so they will know how to fight. They have to know that for when they go to high school.
Howard said that the guys had a run in with Sharon Osbourne on this show years ago. Sharon bet them that they couldn't sell a certain number of albums and they did. She never paid up on her bet. The ICP boys thought she had just gone off and disappeared but Howard said she's actually a judge on one of the biggest shows on NBC right now. They don't watch much TV so they didn't know that.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their new album Bang! Pow! Boom! and said that they're doing their own thing with their own record label now. They said that they have to do that to make money these days. They said that everyone has to do that to make money. Even Pearl Jam has their own label now.
Howard asked the guys about the Juggalos being considered gang members. He read some news reports about some Juggalos that have been arrested. J said that they've become more than just ICP fans. He said that the whole Juggalo thing has morphed into something out of their control. Shaggy said that there are some Juggalos who just aren't right in the head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these guys are faggots. He said that they're just one step above Yucko the Clown. The guys expected this kind of call and they didn't seem to care that much about what he was saying. The caller said he has a 19 year old son who is a Juggalo and he needs to get a job. Howard asked the guy about his son and if he's jealous of ICP because they have more of an influence on his son than he does.
Howard asked the guys about the things they've been arrested for over the years. Shaggy told Howard about some of the stuff that he used to get into. He said that he's done with that. J said that it was last year that Shaggy got into trouble for sticking a kid up in his house. Shaggy said that was a really long story. Shaggy said the kid had something in his house that was his and he went to get it back. He said that some stuff was stolen out of a house and this kid showed him that he had this equipment that he had purchased for his brother. Shaggy said that he had a gun on him so he went in and got his shit back.
Shaggy said that it was his little brother's shit and he had to get it back. Shaggy said that he was kind of tipsy that day because he's a full blown alcoholic so that may have had something to do with it.
shaggy has been to rehab more than he can remember. J said that he's been in there at least 10 times. They sometimes go in together. Howard asked Shaggy when he last went to rehab. He said he went about 2 weeks ago and just got out. He's been dry for like 2 weeks now.
Howard asked how much Shaggy was drinking. He was drinking 2 fifths a day of Vodka. Howard asked J if he gets angry with him for drinking. J said that it's his boy and his little brother so that's what upsets him. He said it's crazy painful to go through that stuff. Shaggy said that he's put a lot of people through a lot of shit.
Howard was going to play some of ICP's new song ''The Bone'' and asked them what it was about. They explained it to him but he still didn't understand. Howard played a little bit of their song and asked if the Juggalos are going to start saying ''The bone.'' That led to the guys saying that sometimes they bring people to their shows that they grew up listening to and they get pelted off the stage. They had Too Short on stage and he had to walk off. They also had Ice Cube but he did great and the crowd loved him.
Howard asked Robin if she would have sex with Shaggy. Robin said she's not sure what he looks like. She said she doesn't think she would if he keeps the make up on. Howard said Shaggy looks black to him but he's actually Native American. He said he's half Polish and half Cherokee. Howard said he really thought he was black. He said he talks like a black man and he has that kinky hair.
Howard asked Shaggy why he thinks he drinks so much. He wondered if he was abused. Shaggy said he wasn't sexually abused but he was beaten.
J was talking about how his weight is always brought up on the show. He said he's either lost weight or gained weight and that's what comes up every time. He said that he thinks that chicks love a big Teddy bear and he's fine with it.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs for their album and started to wrap up with them. They ended up breaking some news that Shaggy isn't even supposed to be out of Michigan because he's on parole. He thanked J for breaking that news which will probably get him arrested and put back in jail. Howard gave them some more plugs and said you can find out more about them at InsaneClownPosse.com. They also have a book out called ''ICP Behind the Paint'' that's out there too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve came in and said that High Pitch Mike is claiming that he attended an underwear party on Fire Island over the weekend. Howard said he really has gone full blown gay. Steve said he has a video on YouTube where he's posing and prancing in the water on Fire Island.
Howard said just became you come out as gay doesn't mean you have to go crazy. Howard said he is a news man after all. Howard said he's not sure who Mike is doing this stuff for. He said he knows he has to do something about that hair of his though. He said he's kind of bald and needs to shave that head of his. Howard said his skin even seems to be clearing up since he came out.
Steve said that they're saying on Major League Baseball's web site that Gary's pitch might be the worst of all time.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who tried to get Billy West's autograph at an event recently and got chewed out for saying he heard him on a Howard Stern special recently. Billy was apparently upset that it wasn't the History of Howard and it was the History of Billy West instead. Howard and Robin were shocked by that.
Howard wondered how old Billy West is. He said that he's not sure if he's older or younger. Steve said he must be younger. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard said that Ronnie is turning 60. Fred looked it up and found that Billy is 2 years older than Howard.
Steve mentioned that Benjy has a birthday coming up soon and he's going to be 42. Benjy said that's not true. Steve said it is absolutely true and they have the documents to prove it. Benjy said that he's almost 38. Gary said he has definitive proof. He said that this woman on The Insider went to college with Benjy and sat next to him in in class. Howard said he's not sure why Benjy lies about his age.
Gary said he thinks that Benjy didn't want to be an old intern when he started there and that's why he changed his age. Howard said he understands that. Gary said he thinks he stuck with it from there for attention.
Steve said Benjy will turn 42 in the next few days. Steve said that they tell the truth on their news reports so that's why they break this news.
Howard said Robin tried to change her age on her Facebook page. Robin said she made a mistake. She said she thought the number was so crazy that she had it wrong. Howard said he saw that Beth had friended her on Facebook and he saw her age so he figured it was a phony. Robin said that Beth asked her about it and she told her that it was actually her. Howard said that's when he realized that Robin was lying about her age.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the subjects that they were going to be covering today. They spent some time talking about the ICP guys while Jon was going through that list. Howard was also talking about how stupid moustaches are and goofed on Doug Goodstein about the way he keeps from moving his face a certain way like some moustached guys do. Howard said eyebrows don't make much sense either and he thinks that they'll eventually disappear from people's faces as they evolve.
Robin got to her news and started off with a story about Bill Cosby going door to door to talk to parents about keeping their kids in school. That's happening in the Detroit area. Howard said he would shut the door so quick if Bill Cosby showed up at his house.
Robin read some news about Pat Robertson going through some heart surgery and he's expected to recover.
She also had a story about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad coming to New York every year and seems to have a great time here when he visits. She said she thinks that's the whole reason he loves being President of Iran. Robin said that Muhammar Kadafi was going to be staying in New Jersey but they stopped construction on the house he was going to be staying at so it wouldn't be ready yet.
Robin read a story about how there are some people who were hiking in Iran and were captured. They were taken into custody and now we're trying to get them released. Howard said that's ridiculous that they went hiking in Iran of all places. Robin said they were taken into custody at the end of July
Robin read about a guy who is suing Denny's restaurants for using too much salt. She read that story and the guy thinks that there was too much salt in the meal he ate regularly there at Denny's so he's suing them. Howard said that the guy should be cooking at home if he wants a low salt diet. He said there are a lot of whacked out lawsuits out there. Howard said he agrees there shouldn't be so much salt in meals but the guy should just stop eating at Denny's.
Robin read a story about Governor Corzine and said that Howard is a fan of his. Howard said he doesn't know the guy that well but he did meet him. Robin said that he's having some trouble in the governor's race right now. Chris Christie is leading him in the polls right now.
Robin read a story about two private security guards that were fired after they were found sleeping on the job as they were guarding the George Washington Bridge. Howard said that's a great job and they should sleep at home instead. They were turned in by a biker who took pictures of them sleeping. Howard said he would never think to turn someone in like that. He wouldn't even give them a second look if he saw them sleeping.
Howard said he saw some previews of the upcoming Beetlejuice reality show they have coming up. He said it looks really good to him. Howard said they told Beetlejuice that the camera they had on him was a radar detector when he got upset that they were filming him. It worked too. The show starts on October 29th.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus appearing on Jay Leno's new show when it starts. Howard said he likes Miley for some reason and he feels like an asshole for that. Robin said that Bruce Hornsby and Eric Clapton are also going to appear on the show. Halle Berry too. Howard said she's no fun so that's not a good guest.
Robin read about how Vermont has approved of same sex marriages. Howard said he's going to a gay wedding in Connecticut soon. He said his cousin is getting married so he'll be going to that. Robin said that Ben and Jerry's ice cream is renaming their ''Chubby Hubby'' ice cream to ''Hubby Hubby'' for a month in honor of the same sex marriage thing.
Robin said that the owner of the Mets may have to sell the team after losing money in the Bernie Madoff scandal. Howard said he knows of some people who lost money in that too.
Robin said that the world's oldest dog has just died. The dog was 21 years old. Howard joked that the dog was 23 according to Steve Langford.
Robin read some news about this guy who kidnapped the 11 year old girl 18 years ago and kept her hostage all that time. Robin said they're now saying that the 11 year old and 15 year old daughters of the kidnapped girl think that she's their sister, not their mother. Howard wondered if that guy could win in the contest they have going on right now. Robin said that he is pretty hot right now. Robin said they're looking for bones in the back yard of that guy's home trying to find evidence of any murders that may have happened.
Robin read about the kidnapped girl who was working for her kidnapper's business. Robin said there is a long time in therapy ahead for that girl.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what he's going to do if his mother or father dies during the show. Howard said that they can't die. Howard said that if his father dies his mother can't take care of herself. Howard said his father can't take care of himself either so neither of them can die. He said he can't be the one to take care of either of them so he doesn't want them to die. Howard said he wouldn't be able to handle any of that.
Howard said there was a conversation with is parents a few years ago about how they were going to leave half for him and half for his sister. That would show that they didn't favor one over the other. Then recently his father told him he was thinking about leaving it all to his sister. Howard said that he told him that he'd bury him right then if he was going to do that. He said he wants to be considered in the will. Howard said he'll decide what he wants to do with the money so he wants to get that half he was supposed to get.
Howard said his parents throw everything out. They even got rid of all of his baby pictures. Howard did an impression of his mother talking about how they never took pictures and never carried any around.
Robin read some news about DJ AM's death and they're saying that he had let some people know that he had fallen off the wagon and they were going to get him into rehab. Robin said they found a lot of drugs in his apartment and rattled off the list of stuff they found. Robin said that the one prescription drug he had was an anti-diarrhea drug. Howard said that's pretty embarrassing. Howard said that he wouldn't announce that stuff because a certain someone in the studio might be trying to break into that apartment later today.
Robin read a story about the city showing what sugary drinks can do to people. Robin said she thought that was kind of like the salt thing at Denny's but Howard disagreed.
Robin read about the wild fires out in California that have been raging lately. Robin said that 53 homes have already gone up in flames. Thousands more are threatened. Robin said the fire has been going for 6 days now and they say they could go for weeks more.
Robin read some news about how Mexico has health care for their citizens. She also mentioned Ted Kennedy so that got Howard and Artie doing their Kennedy impressions. Fred got in on that as well. Howard was talking about Rose Marie Kennedy's lobotomy for a short time.
Robin read a story about the telemarketers that are calling with voice activated services. They can be fined up to $16,000 per call starting today. Howard said he doesn't think that anyone is going to call and complain about it. Howard said that he's not going to turn anyone in because it's going to take too much time.
Robin said that telemarketers are supposed to be banned from calling cell phones but she still gets calls. She said that they should ban that stuff from regular phones too.
Robin read about a charity event that they're doing for families of 9/11 victims. Robin also confirmed that the song they played during yesterday's news was Whitney Houston's first single off her new album. Howard said the song was awful yesterday and confirmed that today when he replayed it.
Robin had some audio of Rob Zombie talking about his new Halloween movie. Howard said rob sounded worn out from talking so much about his movie. He was all hoarse. They wrapped up a short time later and ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon wanted to start off talking about Insane Clown Posse. Jon said that JD was into ICP at one time. JD said that's true. He said he was into their music and movie and stuff like that. He said he wouldn't consider himself a Juggalo. He never drank Faygo or went to their gatherings or anything like that.
Jon asked JD if he bonded with any of the other ICP fans. JD said he hung out with some people who were into them. JD said he never went to any concerts with his friends but his friends went.
JD said that the Faygo thing is like the cheaper version of Coke or Pepsi. Gary said that he was looking at the cans and they ripped off things like Hawaiian Punch and other brands of soda.
Jon asked JD what the craziest thing was that he did as an ICP fan. JD said he didn't do anything crazy. He bought their CDs and movie. Jon asked what he would rate that movie on Netflix. JD said it would probably be a 3 out of 4 star rating.
Will said that JD is a typical ICP fan and he can imagine him walking around in clowny make up. JD talked about how he didn't really hang out with anyone outside of school. He said that some of them were in his drama class.
Jon took a call from a guy who suggested that they have ICP in and put them up against Wendy the Retard or someone like that. He said they came off very stupid.
Jon said that Howard loves ICP as guests because they're crazy and the shoot from the hip. Gary said they're great on the show but Howard treats them like they're gods. He said they're pretty popular but not that popular. Gary said they are good guests on the show though.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of ICP talking about how they don't get any strange women anymore since they're in relationships.
After the clip Jon asked JD if he thought they came off as ''reasonable clown posse.'' JD said that they sounded kind of insane when they were talking about Shaggy robbing that guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had some kids who were Juggalos and they started to get into some stuff that was pretty bad. The guy said that they don't seem to be very good role models. Gary said that no one ever said that they should be role models.
The caller said that his kid isn't part of the family now. He said he feels like he lost his kid to the Juggalo thing.
Shuli said that the gathering of the Juggalos hired Beetlejuice to do stand-up so he went out there to do the stand-up since Beet doesn't really do that. Shuli said that they had to fly out to Indiana to do this gig. He said they had to drive up into the mountains and there were no authority figures there at all. It was in the middle of nowhere. He said they prepped them before and told them that if they didn't like them, they were going to throw shit at them.
Shuli said that Andrew W Kay was there and they shot bottle rockets at his head. Shuli said he knew that he wouldn't be able to shoot back at the people because that would just make them nuts. He said that there was a guy in the front row smoking a bong that night. He said there were a ton of people there that day. He said there were easily 10,000 people in one field and tons of others there too.
Jason said that there seems to be a lot of similarities between that gathering and a Bubbapalooza gathering. Jon and Gary said that they can hear Brent calling them now. Jason said that it just sounds like a similar event.
Shuli said that Joe Matarese got pelted with water bottles at one of those events. He said that they just start throwing shit at them there.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked a question about the ''Out Produce Gary'' contest. She asked if Stevie Wonder would be good. Gary said he would be good but he's been on the show before. The caller said that Stevie would be able to comment on the Michael Jackson thing.
Gary said that he thought that between Leno and Letterman Leno would be the more popular one. He said that Letterman is the more talented guy but Leno is more popular.
Gary said they have Ricky Henderson on deck as a guest but he's pretty sure that Howard won't even take that call.
Jon asked Gary if Sal and Richard had any interest in going in with ICP today. Gary said that Sal wanted to do some stuff but Richard didn't want to do anything. He said that Richard is usually the one who wants to do that stuff but not this time.
Gary said that Sal was asking him about the ''Sausage Brothers'' thing this morning and he had no idea what he was talking about. Sal names the bits but just for himself. No one else knows what he's talking about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows a chick who went out on tour with ICP and she was gone for 5 months. The guy said that she was married and she ran off with the band for that whole time. The only reason she came back is because she refused to give their bus driver a blow job so they kicked her out.
Another caller said that maybe Benjy lies about his age because no one is going to hire a 50 year old comedy writer. He asked if he's also lying about herpes. Jon said that he could clear it all up by saying that he's the age he actually is. Benjy said that he has confirmation on his age and he's 38. Will said he looks 38 to him.
Benjy said that if he wanted to keep it private for some reason then it should be left up to him. Jon said that wasn't the question though. Benjy said that maybe he wants to keep something private. Gary said they were stuck in the vortex once again. He said that no one cares.
Gary said that no one really cares how old he is and he's not sure why he makes a big deal out of it. He said that Benjy is naked in a picture in the green room but he has no idea how old he actually is. Will told him that he looks great if he's actually 42. Benjy thanked him for that.
Another caller asked if it would be a big deal to get Kathie Lee Gifford on the show. Gary said that she's really not that big of a deal anymore.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Benjy is making perfect sense and if he doesn't want someone knowing his age, that's up to him. He said that's his business. Gary said he agrees but it's still a weird thing.
Ralph said that he's 34 when Gary asked how old he is. Ralph said he has his reasons for not saying too. He's not going to tell Gary just how old he is. Jon said that they were getting sucked into the Ralph vortex now.
Ralph said that he likes that Howard's parents didn't carry pictures of him around. He said he hates when people show him kid pictures so he knows what that's like.
Jon told Ralph that someone asked about Gary being out at Howard's and wearing his socks out there the whole time. Gary had said that Beth got a text from Ralph about him being ''Fungus Foot.'' Ralph said he did something like that and he blamed Tim for making him do that.
Ralph thinks that Gary doesn't eat well so that's why he gets foot fungus. Gary said he's seen healthy runners with foot fungus so that's bullshit.
Gary said he was thinking about getting his toes lasered but it was going to cost him $1,400. He's not going to do that.
Gary said Ralph is a douche bag when he calls in but he's a lot of fun to hang out with at Howard's house. He said he had a good time with him out there during vacation.
A caller asked Gary to get some other sports guys on the show if they have Ricky Henderson lined up. Gary said he's pretty sure Howard wouldn't care about anyone in sport so he's not sure if Ricky is even going to happen. They threw out some more names but they weren't sure if any of them would get Howard's attention.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if the contest is open to Canadians. The guy said that he might be able to get the guy who runs the Blackberry company. Gary said that no one is going to care about that. The caller said that this guy changed technology and he's more important than these actors and sports people. Gary said that no one cares and that's not what the contest is about.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Benjy why he doesn't drop the shtick and move on to something else. Benjy said that maybe he'll do that when he turns 40. The caller said he thinks that Benjy is really funny but he should stop with the shtick.
The caller also asked Gary about the fight that Joe Francis got into during their vacation and if they heard about what happened at all. Gary said he heard about it but his initial thought was ''That again?'' and didn't think it was that big of a deal. Will said he thinks that it might be cool if they could get Joe Francis and Brody Jenner on together.
Jon asked Gary what went on with Yucko out in Vegas that week. Gary said Yucko must have thought that he was in Vegas on Thursday night. He ended up texting Yucko back and told him he wasn't out there. Gary said he went out there on Friday night and he went out to a club and Yucko was there. He said that he texted him to break his balls and Yucko didn't know he was there. He was goofing on Yucko and Yucko didn't know he was there. Gary ended up forgetting that Yucko was there and he didn't say hi to him. Gary said that someone must have told him that he was there and Yucko got upset that he didn't tell him that he was actually there.
Gary said he kind of felt sorry for the guy at one point but then he thought about how much he busts his balls and he wasn't feeling so bad for him. Will said that Yucko is being whiny and he should stop. He said he should just come in and be Yucko. He said they're getting too much of ''Roger'' lately and not enough Yucko. Benjy said that Yucko once did something funny where he was protesting Yucko when he wasn't in costume. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that Ronnie had a video of Scott that he'd use for selling his business. He said he thinks that this would show what he saw Scott do at Gange's party.
Scott said that he doesn't remember what's on the video. Gary said he has to bring it in and show it to them. He asked if he has himself telling people that it's Rocket Entertainment and ''Music the way YOU want it'' with his finger pointing at the camera. Scott wasn't sure if that was on there or not. He kept saying he didn't remember.
Jason said there must be a lot of Scott talking in the video. Scott said there may be and there is probably some of him talking about his business and some testimonials as well. Jason asked Scott how he would get people to do the horah dance. Scott explained what he would do and how he would get people to get up and dance. Gary said he would fire him based on that explanation. Scott said he would guilt people into dancing.
Jason asked Scott what he would do to stop people from dancing so they could do the toast. Scott said that he would stop the music and tell everyone what was going to be happening. Scott said he will bring in the video if he can find it but he's not sure where it is.
Scott said he had to stop the whole thing because of the anxiety he had the day before he had to go. He said he got sick of it and he had to get out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that all they had to do was put a disco ball on top of Scott's head. Benjy said that would be funny if they made his head into a disco ball. He said he could make a whole character out of that. Gary said that Benjy could tell them how old he is too.
Scott said that he lost one piece of equipment that he was loaning out to K-Rock when he was there. He said that they lost it on him and he never got it back. Gary said that the most important part is gone so he should get rid of the rest of the stuff. Scott said he keeps everything he gets and he just recently threw out a 15 year old computer he had laying around.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason has balls comparing the Juggalos to the Bubba Army. Jason siad they sounded similar to him. He sadi that it's not that unfair of a comparison. THe caller was a member of the Bubba Army adn said that they're not just a bunch of degenerates. Jason said he's not sure the Juggalos are degerneates either. That caller said that he's a ''Bubba Mark'' adn explained what all of that mean. Jason said that he was right, there was a huge differnce between the Bubba Marks and Juggalos.
A caller said that he had Artemis Pyle lined up for the show tomorrow and aksed if that would work. Gary said he's been on teh show twice adn most people don't know who he is so they'd have to explain that to everyone.
Jon wanted to ask Doug about his moustache and how he always messes with it. Doug missed that discussion. Doug has a goatee though and not a moustache. Doug didn't hear it so he wasn't sure how to respond. Gary said Howard was saying that he moves his lip funny. Doug said that if Howard said it then it must be right.
Gary said he's still not sold on the goatee and he may stick with it a little longer. He said it if were darker then maybe he'd keep it.
Jon also brought up the comments that Howard said today about how he might stick around if he has any interesting opportunity pop up. Gary said he thought he was saying that he might be done with satellite but he's really not sure what to think. Gary said that he was very vague about the whole thing. He said Howard said he might do ''something'' but it wasn't clear if he was going to do podcasts or movies or whatever.
Benjy said Howard was talking about changing things around and maybe he was thinking about moving the show schedule or doing a whole different show.
Scott said Howard has a very high overhead so he has to keep working. He said Howard said that himself so he must have to keep working. Gary said that they say Howard made a lot of money but there are taxes and things. He said that he's not saying that he's struggling or anything but he could probably retire no problem.
Gary said he thinks that Howard could stop doing this and have plenty of time to live. Jon said he thinks that Howard is just keeping his options open. Benjy asked if they think Howard knows what he wants. No one thought he did.
Jason asked if Sirius could even afford to bring Howard back. He said that they might have to lay out a billion dollars to get him back. Gary asked if they can afford to lose him. Jason said they're in a no win situation. They might not be able to afford him and the NFL at the same time because of the cost.
Jason said he thinks that the two biggest draws are Howard and the NFL. He said that they're the most exclusive things there and if they lost both then it would be very interesting to see what happens.
A caller said that he thinks that the show will morph into something and Howard won't come back. He said they won't be able to afford it. He said that Howard gets a lot of vacation and only works 4 days a week and he's already complaining. He said that he thinks that Howard doesn't do anything on his own and he's hands off of a lot of stuff.
Jon said that he thinks that it's part of Howard to be on radio. He said that he must want to be on. Gary said that he doesn't think that he ''has'' to do it like he used to. He thinks that Howard will call it off sometime and just enjoy his life. Jon said that he's already enjoying his life though.
Benjy said he can see someone doing a job their whole life if they like their job. Gary said that he can see Howard not wanting to get up early in the morning and doing the show. He said he can just stop and enjoy what he has in his life.
Jason said that he thinks that Howard gets an unfair bashing about the vacations. He said that people like Letterman and Oprah Winfrey get like 25-40 weeks off a year and Howard only takes 10 off. He said that's kind of unfair to complain about.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he wanted to comment on Howard's best imitations. Gary said they were talking about that yesterday. Gary had all of the guys go through the names they went through yesterday and told Jeff that they were going to move on to another call just like they did yesterday.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he was going to have to commit suicide because he shares a birthday with Ralph. He said he hates that guy. They also share it with Hitler but the caller was more upset about it being Ralph's birthday. The caller said he'd take Hitler over Ralph any day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to go back to the DJ thing with Scott. He said that it's kind of funny because he thinks that Howard is the same thing as a DJ business. Gary told the guy that Howard can entertain people for 20 hours in a row and never pick up a record. He asked the guy if he could do that. The caller said that it's almost the same thing as what they do. Gary said that what he's doing is playing music and not making up bits himself. Gary and the DJ went back and forth with that argument for a short time.
Jon asked Scott if he ever aspired to be a radio DJ. Scott said he never did and he thinks that being a DJ at a party is one of the lowest things to do in the entertainment business. Gary said it's honest work but it's not anything like what Howard does by any stretch of the imagination. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show asking where Robin was. She was missing from her booth. Artie said maybe she was putting her eyebrows on. Howard said he needed her for something. Robin showed up a few seconds later. Howard told her that yesterday was like the worst day of his life. He said that it's unbelievable.
Howard said he was reading about how DJ AM may have committed suicide by taking all of the pills he took. Robin said they were saying it may have been accidental but Howard said now they're saying that it was suicide.
Howard said he thinks he's mentally ill. He said he's neurotic. He went home and in his apartment building he heard loud noise in the lobby. He saw a guy at the elevator who had a big piece of equipment like a leaf blower. He said there was a wicked smell in the lobby. He said he got in the elevator and the wicked smell went right into his lungs and he felt like he was going to get lung cancer.
Howard said the guy in the lobby was wearing a mask. He said the door man just pointed to the ceiling as this guy was spraying this chemical. Howard said he got to his apartment and he was having shortness of breath and got dizzy. He said he felt like he was getting sick.
Howard said he called the door man and asked what was being sprayed down there. He said he didn't know but they were breathing it in all day long. Howard said the guy was saying it was okay but had no idea what it was. Howard said he got a full dose of whatever it was he was spraying.
Howard said he was texting Beth because he felt he was dying. He said he was told not to worry about it but that's like what happened after 9/11. Howard said Beth came home and told him that it was okay and it wasn't going to kill him. Howard said he felt like he had something happen to his lungs.
Howard said he wanted to know what the stuff was but the guy had left. It turns out it was polyurethane to clean the brass in the lobby. Howard said that didn't sound good to him. Robin said that stuff is all around. Howard said he inhaled it into his lungs. Robin said she doubts that he's damaged. Artie said that's on construction sites everywhere.
Howard said he's convinced his lungs were damaged. Robin said that she's not sure how to stop having bad thoughts. Howard said it's not fair to him because he doesn't smoke and he runs to stay healthy and now he thinks he has lung damage. Robin said that he's the most amazing psychosomatic person she's ever seen.
Howard said he may have to call Dr. Sarno or his shrink. He said he's away for the month of August though. Robin said that August is over. Howard said he thinks he's away for another week.
Howard said he was saying goodbye to Beth yesterday like he's going to be dead soon. He said he feels like he can't breathe this morning. Robin said that Howard wouldn't be talking if he couldn't breath.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to just be a man. Howard said he knows he should but maybe he's right about being sick. Robin said that the symptoms wouldn't be that quick if he was going to die from that stuff. Howard said he think that the stuff has compromised his lungs though.
Another caller told Howard that if he keeps thinking about it he's going to cause himself to get it. Howard said he knows he has cancer already. Howard said they ruined him with that stuff. Robin said she's not sure why they'd spray stuff where people have to walk.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he ended up in the hospital after breathing that stuff in. He said that the auto paint he was using had isocyinates in it and that's what put him in the hospital. The caller asked Howard if his throat tightened up. Howard said it did. The caller thinks he was having an anaphylactic reaction to it. The caller told Howard he doesn't have cancer and didn't even remember what happened back then when it happened.
Another caller said he used to do floors but he had to stop because of the polyurethane. He said that he thinks that Howard is going to be okay after just one time. He said it would take multiple times to get to him. He told Howard not to sweat it.
Howard asked the guys not to put anymore calls through. He had another one who was coughing and pretending that he was saying goodbye too. Howard said that he has a neurosis that makes him think that he has to write goodbye notes.
Howard said he thinks that he's going to get cancer because of this. He said that they should be doing this stuff at night in off hours. Howard said the guy was wearing a whole outfit and mask to keep from breathing the stuff in and he walked right through it.
Howard said they told him that they were cleaning the brass and he's livid over it. Howard said he feels he's lost the ability to breathe. Robin said they used to walk past stuff like that and think it was no big deal. Now we know that some of that stuff can be damaging.
Howard said it really sucks and he knows he's nuts thinking like this. He has to go to 20 doctors to find out if he's okay.
Robin said she has the ability to say that it's a ridiculous thought and move on. Howard doesn't have that ability. Howard had a horrible night and he wasn't able to sleep. He said this is affecting everything and he can't even walk because it's hard for him to breathe. He said he keeps testing his breathing and he feels that he can't breath the right way.
Howard said when he went to get his nose fixed he feared he was going to lose his voice... and he did. Robin said she asked him not to get the nose job because she knew that was going to happen.
Howard said he went to the doctor to get the nose job and they told him that they weren't going to be able to do much with it. He said the guy told him that his breathing might be better with the nose job. Howard said he got the nose job and ended up losing his voice. He was barely able to squeak out a sound. This was after his movie came out.
Howard said he told his bosses and Robin that he wasn't able to talk. He said he was going to doctors and they told him that he was fine. Howard thought it was over and he was going to have to quit the business. That's when Dr. Sarno asked him what the hell was wrong with him and slapped him out of it.
Howard said that his doctor has let him down by not being around for him. Howard said that's another part of his problem because he needs someone to tell him he's going to be alright.
Robin said that this reminds her of the TV show Monk because when his shrink died, he was barely able to live. Howard said he can't even watch that show because of things like that.
Howard said he's going to have to call Dr. Sarno about this. Robin told him to please do that before he calls anyone else.
Howard said he knows that he's going to call Dr. Sarno and he has to be tired of talking to every nut like him. He said he knows how it's going to go. He'll tell him what happened and he'll go through the whole story. Then Dr. Sarno will tell him that there is nothing wrong with him and he's not getting lung cancer and he can breathe. Then he'll be fine.
Howard said Dr. Sarno is a medical doctor who knows that a lot of things like this are psychosomatic. He asked Robin if she would show him her breasts if that's what Dr. Sarno tells him will cure him. Robin laughed.
Howard took a call from a Physician's Assistant who told him he's going to be fine. Howard said that this guy is no one and he really doesn't know. Howard apologized for saying that but he's really not a doctor. The guy told Howard that they're the next best thing to a doctor. Howard asked what this guy could know being an assistant. Robin said that they are ''almost doctors.'' They can write prescriptions and things. The caller said that is true. They have to take certification tests every 6 years and things like that.
The caller told Howard where he went to school but Howard had never heard of this ''Hahnemann'' school he was talking about. The guy said that it's part of Drexel now. Howard asked how much he's making as a P.A. The guy said he's making over $100,000 a year so he's doing very well.
Howard asked what kind of guy goes to school to be a P.A. He said that he isn't as smart as a doctor. The caller said that the head guy has all of the other bullshit he has to worry about. Howard said he should admit that he wasn't smart enough to be a doctor. The guy said he gets all of the benefits of being a doctor but he doesn't have all of the headaches.
Robin asked why they're dealing with this guy's problems. The caller told Howard that the one exposure is nothing to worry about. Howard told the guy to come in and breathe that shit in then. The guy said he would do that. He didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Howard said that most of his roommates in college were med students so he knows what they had to go through. Howard said they were getting good looking chicks even though they were nerds. He said the women were on them like flies on shit. He said guys want to get into medical school but some of them go into dental school and podiatry and things like that. He said that the Physician's Assistant thing is another one now. He said that all of them can't get into medical school so they become something else.
Howard said the chiropractor is the lowest of them all. He said he had a Chiropractor tell him to bring in his vitamins to test them out. He said the woman had him lay on a table and hold the vitamins in his hand. Then the guy pressed on his arms and told him to hold his arms up as he pressed on them. Then the doctor gave him some other ones and he told him they were stronger. She pressed on his arms again and they didn't go down because she wasn't pushing as hard. The doctor told him that was proof that he had to take the stronger vitamins. Howard said he never went back to the doctor because she knew he was full of shit.
Howard got back to the P.A., Doug, and asked him about what people call him. He said he tells people to just call him Doug. Howard asked if he's allowed to be called ''doctor.'' He said they aren't but there is a push for people to go from being a P.A. to a doctor. Howard let the guy go after he said he was very happy being a P.A. for the third time.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he did his kitchen over a few years ago and he never used a mask while he was doing this stuff using the poly on his cabinets. He said he was in it for a week and he's fine. Howard just walked through the stuff for 10 seconds. The caller said he even smokes. He was coughing as he told the story but he says he's fine.
Howard cut the call off and said that this is funny because the guy used to go along with everything that Sal and Richard would throw at him. Now the guy is paying attention to what they say to him.
The guys were goofing on the woman who called in during Sal and Richard's calls and told the host he should have caller ID to identify these guys. Howard said he's not sure where they're from but that must be new technology for them. Howard said the host thinks that he's smarter than Sal and Richard but that's like Bill Murray thinking he was smarter than the gopher in ''Caddyshack.''
Howard played the rest of the clip with Sal and Richard calling in with prank call after prank call. The guy told his listeners that he had been there for 50 years and that's what got to Howard. He said he feels bad for the guy being there so long.
Howard said that the last 49 years of this radio show were a breeze and now he's stuck with these guys. The host thanks his listeners for tuning in but says that he may have to call the phone company to block their calls.
Howard said he's like a one man show. He was reading the commercials and things like that. Howard said that poor guy is stuck doing that show for 50 years. Howard said the guy has a personality when Sal and Richard call in though.
Howard said that he had some audio of the guy before he knew that Sal and Richard were pranksters. Howard played some audio from a Tradio show and it was a different guy. Howard said that he'll have to dig some stuff out of the archives. He played that clip anyway. In that clip the hosts were reading some of the phony names and products that Sal and Richard had sent into them. They had no idea that they were being goofed on even with names like Mike Rotch and Eaton Beaver.
Richard came in and said he liked the super low voiced guy in the jingle they play at the end of that call. Howard asked Richard about who these guys are. Richard said the shows are all over the country so once they get wise to them they move on to another one. Richard said they have phones that block caller ID so they're not worried about it.
Howard asked if he thinks that the guy is smarter than him. Richard said that he'd be willing to take a test against that guy. Richard said they have a product called Spoof Card where you can fake a number and make someone think you're calling from somewhere else. Howard said they could make them think that it's President Obama calling.
Richard said they were going to fake the number as 666 since most of the radio shows are on religious stations. Howard said he could listen to those calls all day long.
Richard said the current guy never really fell for anything. He said they have an older one where the Tradio show host fell for everything they threw at him. Howard said he thought this guy was the same guy. Richard wasn't sure what this guy's name was but it wasn't Jack from the Swap Shop show.
Howard played the classic call where Sal told the host that he had several gold teeth from Auschwitz to sell. The host didn't think anything of it. Sal was also selling Milton Berle's urine cup. Sal gave out the phone number which was Jackie's Joke Line. That guy then thanks him for the call and moves on to another one which was Richard. Richard calls in trying to sell some stuff as a woman. The guy knows that he's a dude.
Howard said he had a porn chick who you think is a guy when you hear her voice. He played the audio and it sounded kind of like Pee Wee Herman to Richard. Fred played a Pee Wee Herman clip that sounded very much like that chick.
Howard asked what movie that came from. Richard wasn't sure. Sal came in and told Howard what the scene looked like and said that she was getting drilled in the ass. That's why she was making that noise. Sal said it sounded like she was pushing out a turd in that scene.
Howard got back to the Tradio call that he was in the middle of. Richard was telling the host he was trying to find the information for the items he was trying to sell. He said it was a motorcycle but wasn't able to find all of the information so he kept crinkling his paper trying to find it. Richard eventually starts laughing at himself and can't keep it straight.
Richard told Howard that Shuli was in the room laughing at him so that's why he started laughing. Richard said they got a delay on that station after that and they're now able to block their calls. Richard said that they'd go into religious music during their calls and they'd get nothing when they called in. Sal said that guy in that Tradio clip was ''Brother Dave.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves those calls. He said he just anted to tell them that the original guy wasn't the same one at the start of the segment. Howard played the ''Thank you for your call'' clip and let the guy go.
Howard said he was watching this video that Richard sent and it looked like a flashlight. Fred said it looked like the light from the camera and it didn't even look like the space shuttle. Howard said he wasn't sure what he was looking at. Howard said you have to hear the commentary too. He said Richard was talking about it like it was really special.
Howard played the audio of the video that Richard took and it was just the noise of the airplane. There wasn't any of Richard talking. Howard said that he just wants porn clips and not space shuttle clips.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that maybe his apartment building needs to get rid of the brass they were cleaning in the lobby. He asked Howard if it was 1984 or something with brass in there. Howard didn't seem to find that amusing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Glen Beck was talking about Howard and said that he might end up back on terrestrial radio again. Howard said he doesn't think that's going to happen.
Howard said he ran into that guy Fahrid that they used to work with. Howard said his agent asked him if he asked Fahrid for the money he owes him. Howard said that Fahrid owes him a lot more than Dan the Song Parody Man owes to Artie. Artie asked who he thinks has a better chance of getting paid. Howard said Artie does and that's a very slim chance.
Howard said that he would do Tradio before he did terrestrial radio again. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Bubba has been twittering a lot lately. He said he has a twitter like every second. Howard said that Bubba is posting pictures of his wife on his Twitter account. Howard said that he thinks that he may have started this because he sent Bubba a picture of Beth in a thong over the vacation. Howard said Bubba took a picture of his wife's panty drawer too.
Howard said Bubba is pretty much giving people pictures of his house and gym equipment and stuff like that. Howard said that Bubba is overweight but he has more gym equipment than a gym has. He pointed out that the equipment doesn't appear to have been used.
Howard showed the guys the picture that he sent to Bubba of Beth. He said that she was bent over at the pool when he snapped the shot. Robin said she thinks that's kind of sick. Howard said he knows it's sick. He said he takes pictures of her all day long. Robin said it's sick that he sent it to his friend. Howard said Bubba isn't a friend, he's a co-worker. Robin said that's right, he's not even a friend and he's sending pictures of his wife to him.
Howard said that Bubba's wife must have known Bubba was taking pictures of her. He said that Bubba and Heather are swingers as far as he knows so they don't have a problem doing stuff like that.
Howard said Bubba brags about all of the chicks that he used to get and it makes you wonder because he was so fat. Howard said Bubba wasn't even able to wipe his ass because he was so fat so he had a chick wiping his ass for him. Howard said he can't imagine cheating on a girl who is willing to do something like that for you but Bubba did.
Joey said that he got really bad into crack cocaine and did that for a while for the last year or so. Howard asked if he felt better about himself when he came out of the closet. Joey said it actually made it worse because he didn't know how to deal with it.
Howard said High Pitch Mike is really enjoying the gay thing. He said he's on Facebook holding guys in his arms and stuff. He said Mike is really gaying it up out there with his friends. He's totally liberated.
Joey said he still has drug problems and stuff. He said that he was smoking crack for a long time. Joey said that he went down to Miami for rehab so he moved down there to try and get away from New York. He hated it down there though so he had to come back to New York.
Howard asked Joey where he gets his money from. Joey said that he gets like 30 grand a year from his military service. He said he was making some money selling crack too so that was another income for him.
Joey said that he had to get out of Florida so Shuli did a news report about that. Joey said he had a bunch of people contact him with offers so he took a guy up on one of those offers. Howard said it's amazing that people were willing to do that for him.
Joey said that this guy turned him on to percosets and heroin. Howard said it was nice for him to take him in at least. Joey said he ended up taking 10 percosets and drank a bottle of vodka and sniffed some stuff that killed him. He said that he was dead. He said he was brought back to life with that Narcan stuff that counteracts the drugs.
Joey said he went to rehab for 10 weeks up in upstate New York and he's clean now. He said he's staying at a sober house in Yonkers now. He's moving into a new place on Thursday. Howard said that's pretty good for someone making 30 grand a year. Joey said that it should be good for him and there are a lot of gay people in the neighborhood.
Howard said that was fascinating. Joey said that he's working on a book now. He said Howard told him to do that and that's what he's doing now. Joey said he's getting some good responses about it so far. Howard said Gary read some of it and said it was good. Howard said he'd rather just have Joey call in with the stories. He's not going to read it himself.
Gary came in and said that he's not sure if it was good but it was horrifyingly graphic. He said that it was all about his gay sex blow by blow. Gary said that Joey was talking about a guy blasting all over his face and stuff like that. Gary said that Joey was very graphic about that stuff. Joey said that he was just being real with that stuff. He said if it offends him then it's good because he's being honest.
Joey said that he's not sure when the book is going to be out. He has to find a publisher and a literary agent. Gary said that Joey thinks that his book has the chance of being as good as ''A Million Little Pieces.'' Gary said that all roads lead to a blow job in the book.
Joey said he's going to talk about other things too. He said it's not all about the sex stuff. Joey said that he's looking for a publisher and said you can contact him at JoeyBoots@aol.com if you can help.
A caller said that Joey is full of shit and he calls in with a new story every week. He thinks the guy is full of it. Howard said he thinks that Joey is truthful from what he can tell. The caller said that it's all bullshit.
Artie said he thought Joey was full of it with his gay story but now he believes it's real. Joey said that the book is really important to him and he needs that publisher to help him out.
Another caller said that Joey was about to ask him for money and he has to see that. Howard said Joey isn't one of those guys. He said that he doesn't do that to them. Howard let Joey go a short time later.
The caller said it's very annoying. Artie said that maybe they should end with the caller's name. Howard said he's going to agree with the caller and say that they have to end the news reports with ''... for Howard 100 News.''
Howard said he doesn't like Shuli's ''Shalom Beotch'' thing either. He said that they need to end the news reports with ''Howard 100 News.''
Tim Sabean came in and said they do have a format and they are ending the news reports with their names. He said that they will do it for Howard if that's the way he wants it. Howard said they should threaten to fire people if they don't do it that way. Tim said they have so many ''positioners'' throughout the day that they don't worry about that. Howard found that amusing that they have ''positioners.''
Lisa got to her news preview and talked about Sal the Stockbroker's surprise 40th birthday party out in Las Vegas. Sal got a couple's massage and got sex from his wife. Howard said that's interesting that they have no money but they went to Vegas for a party for Sal. Howard said it sounds like his wife wanted to go to Vegas and that was how she did it. Howard said they don't have any money. Artie agreed with Howard on that. Gary said Sal went out there thinking he was going to be making money and he ended up spending money instead. He said he probably spent twice what he would have made going out there to do a gig.
Gary said he was out there with Sal on Saturday and on Saturday afternoon there was no sex according to Sal. He said it must have happened toward the end of the weekend.
Lisa said that Suzanne Muldowney is back in the hospital after having a bad reaction to the antibiotics they gave her for her recent infection. She had a bad case of diarrhea and she ended up running to the bathroom while marching in a parade. She may miss an appearance this Friday because of this.
Lisa said that Joanna Krupa was a former Miss Howard TV and she's going to be on Dancing with the Stars this season. Lisa said that Joanna told her that she screamed when she heard that she was going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Howard wondered who this girl was and why she's so famous that she's on that show. She was on a reality show on VH-1 so that's now she got on there.
Howard said they really don't have many famous people on that show this season. Howard said they do have Kelly Osbourne but other than that there aren't many celebrities. They have Ashley Hamilton and people like that on there.
Howard said that they seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel with this chick. He said she is hot but she's not really a celebrity. Howard said that he's going to watch for Kelly Osbourne but no one else.
Howard let Lisa go a short time later. She signed off with her new ''I'm Lisa G For Howard 100 News.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he saw a picture of Elliot Spitzer's whore's mother. He said that she's hot. He said that the daughter is okay but the mother is really hot. Howard said he'd do her and the daughter together. Artie said he heard that she was hot.
Howard said they're showing Bernie Madoff's house out in the Hamptons and it wasn't all that nice. Howard said it's not even worth that much. He said that the house has a great view but it's not that nice.
Howard said they really need to find out where all of that money went to with Madoff. He said that they have to water board his ass to find out if they have to.
Howard said he wanted to thank Bubba for twittering those pictures of his wife. Howard said he's going to have to learn to use Twitter just to see that.
Howard said he had a story about a guy who was caught having sex with a dog and they had to up the dog down because it was injured so bad. Howard read that article and said that's weird that the guy's cock could do that much damage. Howard said they found that the dog had been sodomized and he wasn't sure what that meant. Artie said that means he ass fucked it. Artie said that he doesn't think that he's gay for doing that. Howard said he was just trying to make light of a horrible situation.
Howard read that Joe Francis has been accused of assaulting Jade Nicole the girlfriend of Brody Jenner. He also read that Oprah Winfrey's man Stedman is going to be working for Full Sail college. That's where JD went to school. Howard read through that article about what he'll be doing there.
Howard said that the movie ''Ninja Assassins'' looks like it might be a good one. He saw some stuff about that and thought it was going to be good.
Howard said that Kurt was allegedly stalking this chick but he's saying that he wasn't able to get her out of his house. Howard said that he was crying all over TV over this stuff.
Howard played the audio of Kurt's press conference and he was okay at first. Then he started to get into details and he started to break down. He said that he's not even allowed back in his own home and he's not sure what he's going to do. He was weeping as he was talking about that.
Howard said he tried to pull himself together at one point but then he started to break down again. He was talking about how his ex-wife is being very supportive and telling people what kind of guy he really is. He was weeping again while he was talking about that.
In another clip Kurt was doing okay talking about how the year hasn't been very good for him and he starts crying again. Howard said he thinks that Kurt went to visit Scott in his ''Black Cloud Diner'' and that may have been a mistake.
Howard said the caller had to get 3 out of 5 right. Gary had some ''What's older'' questions for him. What's older...
Howard said that Dominic is defending this guy who is the husband of a woman that drove down the wrong side of a highway and killed a bunch of people. They're trying to blame the husband for not doing something about it.
Howard had some audio from the interview that the caller was talking about. JD said that he had to re-record the clips because he had some audio bleeding through on the clips. That led to Howard goofing on JD about the ''bleed through'' thing.
JD said he's still paying out the ass for that school. JD said he thinks it was like 30 grand. Howard said he'd be pissed if he saw that Stedman Graham was teaching his kids how to be successful. Howard said he heard that Tom Arnold will be teaching there next. Then Lisa Lampanelli's fiancee will be there and Amy Fisher's husband Lou too.
Howard and Artie had some fun coming up with some other celebrities that could work there. They were also goofing on JD about going there. Howard was doing his impression of JD talking to the new teachers there.
Howard read some more details about what's going on at Full Sail with Stedman. Howard was goofing on Stedman and the school as well. Howard said that they probably wouldn't have sent out a press release if Stedman wasn't Oprah's boyfriend. Howard came up with some of the keys to success that Stedman might talk about.
Howard and Artie were going back and forth coming up with lines that Stedman could use. Howard told JD that if he had been there with Stedman, maybe he'd be a success. JD said he's a success in his opinion. Artie said that he's like 38 and takes 4 subways to work. That's not a success. Howard said that JD is a good man and he loves him. He told him to get out of there.
Howard wondered why he got sidetracked with that. He said he had stuff to get to and he ended up talking about Stedman. Howard said he'd love to hear a tape of what happens in that class. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was busy listening to Dominic on Larry King. He didn't hear any bleed through. Howard also said that he never played Artie's appearance on Letterman. Howard said he thinks that it was his best one so far.
Howard said that a lot of people have probably heard it already but he might play the whole thing. He said he could do that or just play clips. Robin told him to play the whole thing. That's what he did.
Howard started to play the clip and they played Artie in with ''Rescue Me'' and he thought that meant like ''someone help this guy'' but Artie thought it was referring to him being on ''Rescue Me'' the TV show. Howard wasn't sure which it was. Artie didn't know either.
In the clip Dave talked to Artie about his weight loss. Artie joked that he had a baby and that's how he lost some of it. Artie talked about playing basketball with young kids and how they seem to know way more than he does about running plays and stuff.
Artie also brought up how he's dating a 25 year old girl. Dave stopped him and asked about that. Artie joked that he looks like a young Bob Redford now. Artie joked that he had been dating her since her prom. Artie also pointed out that she was born the same year he got his first DUI.
Artie talked about his girlfriend having friends who like to hike and stuff like that. He said they got into a fight one time about that and he had to ask her if he gave off any vibe that he might like to hike, ever, in a million years. Artie also joked that she is a child when Dave asked if they had a child together or something like that.
In the clip Artie was talking about how he likes to sit at home and do nothing all the time. He doesn't want to hike.
Howard said Artie got the second segment on the show too. Robin said that went by very quickly and they kept it rolling. Artie said he had to sit through the commercials with Dave and it was very odd. He said he and Dave talked about Howard and Norm MacDonald a little bit. He said it wasn't that much conversation but Dave was very nice about it.
Howard asked Fred to play him a song so he could do an impression of what it's like to talk to Dave during the commercial break. He and Artie did that for a few seconds.
Artie said that the producer that he had pitched stuff to during the pre-interview came over to talk to him during the break. He said that the chick was smokin' hot too. He said she had to tell him what they wanted him to do during the next segment. Howard said he always has to ask Dave if he was okay during his interview.
Howard asked if they should play the other segment that Artie was on. Robin told him to go for it. Howard noticed that she was eating something and that's why she wanted to do that. Robin was eating some Brussels sprouts. Howard told her that she should be eating an egg sandwich or something. Robin said she can't eat that stuff. Howard said she should weigh like 7 pounds eating the way she does. Howard asked her why she isn't at her goal weight yet. Robin said she's been drinking a lot of wine.
Howard asked Robin what she ate in France when she was there. She said she had French fries and salad. Howard was shocked. Robin said they don't put salt on them over there. Howard said they have the greatest food in the world over there and she was eating salad and French fries. Robin said she didn't think they had the best food over there. She said they eat a lot of meat and potatoes over there.
Howard was doing an impression of a French guy asking her what she wanted to eat. It wasn't quite a French impression though.
Howard played the second segment where they flashed to Artie's girlfriend in the green room. Howard said she was visibly shaken up by that. Dave said that it was nice to see her and told Artie that if he were him, he'd start doing something. Artie joked that his two hours were almost up and he had to get her back. Artie said that was an insult on him, not on her.
Dave changed subjects to talk about the Yankees. Howard said Dana must be upset that she had Heroin Artie and this girl gets the non-heroin Artie. Artie said that Dana had some non-heroin years.
In the clip Artie was talking about how expensive it is to go to the Yankee games now. He was joking about Kate Hudson being at every game and wondering how she has time to make those awful movies she makes. Dave and Artie talked about the old days and how little the players were making. Artie was also saying that all of the Yankees wives back in the 70s looked like him. Dave said that was the most disturbing thing he'd heard.
Dave gave Artie some plugs after that and asked him what happened with Joe Buck. Artie explained that real quick and said that he loved Joe Buck but they got upset with him for cursing on HBO. Artie explained what he did with Joe Buck's father when he did an impression of him. Artie did his impression of the guy doing a segue into a commercial like he used to do while he was calling a game.
Howard said Artie was a hit on that show. Artie said that Dave is probably annoyed by him. Howard said he enjoyed it a lot. Artie said that Howard and Dave are his two favorites so it's great to be able to do both shows. Howard said he hopes that he's more favorite than Dave is. Artie said of course he is. Howard said it was actually a lot of fun to hear that appearance.
Howard cut Mariann off and took another call. The caller asked if Artie has tapes from his Connecticut School of Broadcasting days. Artie said he did make a tape but he's not sure what happened to it. He said he hated it though.
Robin said she heard Scott the Engineer talking about the tape he used to have for his business and now he's claiming he doesn't have a copy. Howard said that he's probably holding out for money but they're not going to do that.
The caller asked Howard about Marvel comics being sold to Disney. Howard said he thinks that it makes perfect sense to sell to a movie company because they're making such great movies with the comic book characters these days. Howard said it's a smart business move if you ask him.
Here are the rest of the questions and answers:
Howard said from now on he's not going to give the money away if they don't win. Howard said he was going to do it with this guy but no more. Howard said he just feels bad for people.
Howard played some more questions. Here they are:
Howard came back and said that he has worked at stations where they weren't allowed to play hard rock songs until after a certain time. He said Fred is allowed to play whatever he wants though. Howard said that in 1976 or so they had cards that would tell them what to play. He said that he had to flip the cards after they played that stuff.
Howard said he wishes he still had the print outs from back then. Howard said he used to play the good songs first and he'd run out of the good stuff so he'd have to play awful songs like ''Tie a Yellow Ribbon'' and things like that. Fred played some Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton ''Islands in a Stream.'' Howard said they used to play that a lot back at WNBC. Howard said he's so glad he ruined WNBC.
Gary said that they have a lot of clips where Howard was playing ''Break My Stride.'' Howard said that was one of the better songs they had to play. He said that's why they played that one a lot. Howard said that he was happy when he got Men at Work ''Who Could It Be Now.''
Howard and Fred created some more WNBC-like stuff. They played some awful songs from back then and talked about how bad things were back then. They shared some stories about working with Imus back then too. Howard said that he's almost become like a character in the Village People.
Howard played some of the audio from Letterman's interview with her. In the clip Dave is asking Anne about her first son and she talks about how her ex is a lazy ass. She was bad mouthing the guy and saying that she didn't want to see him on the weekends so she refuses to go watch her son playing soccer. Howard said that of course you can't get rid of him, he's the father of her son.
Anne was talking about how her ex is collecting checks from her and that's what he does for a living. Howard said that this is what her kid has to hear his mother talking about on TV. Robin said that if a guy was on TV talking about that, it would be a completely different story.
Howard played more audio of that interview and Anne was telling Dave that she's glad that he's happily married. Dave said maybe she'll feel different about it in 20 years or so. Anne said that's not true. She said she will never get over it. Anne said that her son doesn't even want to play soccer and it's all her husband's idea to make the kid play. She said that the kids just stand there and stare at the ball.
Howard said she was insulting the kid now. Dave asked Anne why she married that guy. Anne said that she wanted to have a kid. Howard said she sounds like a nightmare.
Howard read an article about the husband putting out a statement about how he is employed and that he hates Anne's guts. Howard said he's welcome to come on his show to talk about it. Howard said he has a lot more listeners than Dave has viewers so he can get his word out there if he wants.
Howard played more of the interview where Anne was talking about how lazy her ex was. Howard said she was a good guest at least. Howard said she could get two segments with that stuff. She was talking about how great her current boyfriend is because he has a job. Howard said she'll be bad mouthing him in a few years too.
Howard said he's even afraid to fly. He said he has to fly to visit his daughter and Beth so he has to fly now. He said he wouldn't want to jump out of it though.
Robin said she would fly with Howard if he wants her to go with him. Howard said he might do that. He was thinking about having a whole crew go with him. Artie remembered the time they flew out to Las Vegas together on a private jet. He said they had a great time doing that.
Steve said that they've demanded that they be there for Robin's dive. Robin said she wanted to do it for herself. Howard said it might be a good idea to bring them with her. He said that they'll pay more attention to detail if she does bring them along with her. That might guarantee that she's safe. Steve said he wants to be there for the jump.
Howard said he can't imagine wanting to do that. Robin said they may have to push her out of the plane. Howard said that she would be strapped to some dude's back. Robin said she'll actually be on the front. Artie said that's weird.
Steve said they also have a press release for Binaca saying that Gary's breath is often brought up on the air so that's one of the things they'll bring up in the ads they have on the show now.
Steve said they have a Big Foot update from up in Vermont. He had to go to court recently so they have some stuff about that coming up.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They went over a bunch of stuff.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview. They don't have any female interns this semester so they're feeling bad for all of the guys there. They have a former female intern coming in to share stories about what she's been up to since she left. The Intern Show is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said he likes some of the Steve Carrell movies but he's not sure if he'd be a good interview. Howard said he thinks that Lance might be the one to go with. They were also talking about Mike Ditka so he's in the mix too. Gary said that these people swear they can get these people but they have to work on it to make sure it happens.
Robin started off with a story about Elliot Spitzer wanting to run for governor of New York again. Howard said that shouldn't be a problem. He said that Ted Kennedy ran his car off a bridge and ran away from the scene of the accident leaving a woman to drown in the car. Howard said that he's a fan of Ted's and he's still pointing that out. Howard said Spitzer shouldn't brag about what he did but it's not really all that bad.
Robin read about some of the comments that Spitzer's whore's mother was saying. Howard said she looked good in the paper today. He said she was in a bathing suit and looked really good.
Robin had a story about Alex Rodriguez appearing at an event to speak about his steroid use. Robin said that it was a surprise appearance.
Robin read a story about a study that was done where people who get paid minimum wage really aren't treated very well. She said that a lot of people get injuries and some of the employers don't pay to cover their injuries.
Howard asked Fred if anyone liked Insane Clown Posse yesterday. Fred said he looked but wasn't able to find one. Howard said they got a lot of negative email about them. He read through some of those negative emails. A lot of people thought they were irrelevant. Howard said he thinks those guys are funny and that's why he has them on the show. That led to Artie doing an impression of the guys telling some of those stories they were telling. Howard said he liked hearing those stories they told. He and Artie were both doing their impressions of the guys telling their stories.
Robin read a story about Megan Fox being interviewed and saying that women have the power because of their vaginas. Howard said that they have more power when they look like her. Howard said in 20 years that vagina won't be so powerful. Howard said that a woman who looks like Benjy doesn't have any power with that vagina.
Howard said Gary tried to get Megan Fox in there but her publicist told them that she was too busy and only there for 36 hours. Gary found out she was going to be in town all week to do SNL so he called back and asked what was going on. They told Gary that it just wasn't going to happen. Howard said he told Gary that when they call them back in 2 or 3 years to get her on, he can turn her down.
Robin read about some of the other comments Megan was making about guys bragging about the stuff they have making them think that they're impressing her when they're really not. Robin thought that was aimed at Brian Austin Green but Howard wasn't sure that's who it was meant for. Howard said that was a mercy fuck if anything. He said that it was obvious that she wasn't going to stick with him.
Robin read a story about a book that has been put put that suggests that people pray before having sex. That led to Fred playing some church music and some porn clips of a guy talking about dropping loads on a chick's face.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed that he got oral from Megan Fox but the joke didn't go over all that well.
Robin read about DJ AM's death and how it's now being called a suicide. The guys spent a little time talking about that. Robin read about DJ AM's girlfirend saying that they had not split up even though ti was being reported they had. Howard said he heard a lot of differnet things about the guy adn he's not sure what was going on. He said all he knows is that he was a fan of the show. Robni sadi that Blink 182 is canceling a bunch of shows becuase they were so close to DJ AM. Howard asked if they could take some time off too. He wondered who they'd have to lose to take time off. HOward figured ti was Fred. He said they didn't get one day off for Clif Pallate.
Robin read a story about a British woman who was enslaving some kids. She convinced some people that she was a god and they let her take their children. She had the kids working for her and tending to her chickens among other things.
Robin read a story about the guy who abducted an 11 year old girl 18 years ago and kept her hostage in his back yard. Howard said that whole thing looked pretty suspect to him and he can't imagine why the neighbors didn't do something about it. Robin said that some of the neighbors didn't know his background and they didn't realize he was building shacks in his back yard. Howard said he would call the cops if he saw any abnormality.
Artie said that there's a great show called Howarders and it's about people who just collect stuff and they don't throw anything out. He said he saw one episode and it was really good.
Robin read a story about the great pacific garbage patch which is a collection of plastic that's floating under the surface of the ocean. Robin said that they did a study and found that the area is bigger than Texas. Robin said that they found the area and it's collecting in this one area and it won't go away.
Robin read about global warming possibly causing some major problems in the future. She said that she and Howard probably won't have to worry about that though.
Robin said that The Beatles are going to be in a new video game. Howard said those Guitar Hero games are the most retarded games ever. He said that these kids think they can be rock stars learning that shit and it gets you nowhere. Howard said it's the dumbest thing ever.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks is the best selling Beatles single in Great Britain. Howard, Fred and Artie guessed a bunch of songs but they were all wrong. Robin said the best selling song was ''She Loves You.'' They were trying to sing some of the songs they were talking about. Robin read some of the other songs that were the best selling over there as well.
Robin read a story about the Duger family that now has 18 kids in it. They have a reality show going and they've got another one due next spring. The father claims that it never gets old. They have a grandchild on the way as well.
Howard told Robin to hurry because his lung cancer wasn't feeling so good. Robin read a story about President Obama holding a Ramadan dinner at the White House. Howard said he might want to lay off of that. Robin said that's a Muslim holiday where you don't eat until night time.
Robin had a story about a singer who was saying that Hitler was a brilliant man. Howard wondered why you would bother saying something like that. He said that she should just shut up about it.
Robin asked Howard if he's going to Whole Foods or if he's boycotting it. Howard said he has no idea but he knows something is going on with them. Robin said that they have a ''buy-cott'' going on because of their stance on the health care bill.
Robin had some audio of that rock singer talking about how brilliant Fidel Castro is. The singer was saying that she was just talking about how smart the guy was and wasn't talking about what he has done in his life.
Howard said that the guy who runs Whole Foods should just keep his mouth shut and sell his food to hippies. Howard said that he doesn't believe in all of that organic food crap. Howard said that if he had that business he would just thank God and sell the stuff. He said that they sell vitamins to people that are overpriced. Robin said she hopes that they boycott works because she'll be able to get right up to the counter.
Robin read a story about Halle Berry being pregnant again. This is her second child. Robin said she's got a 17 month old as well.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin knows to keep his mouth shut as CEO, unlike the guy who runs Whole Foods. Howard said that guy should take a lesson from Mel.
Robin gave a plug for a web site that she promised she'd give a plug to. Then Howard said he had to plug his dentist Dr. Kauffman. Robin said that Howard and Artie are always dropping names and plugging people. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon went through some of the other subjects they were going to cover today and moved on to talk about Howard's fear of polyurethane. Gary said that Howard thinks he has cancer but that's just in his head. Gary said he thought Howard was mellowing out on this stuff but now he sees that he's not.
Gary said he gets that people think that the stuff can't be good for you but he's never thought he was going to die the next day like Howard did.
Richard came in and got the guys back on the subject of the space shuttle. Richard said he didn't want to bother Gary with the story today and didn't even go into his office. Gary said that he did tell him that story and he didn't react to it so he should have known it wasn't going to be good on the air.
Richard said he thought it was cool when he saw the space shuttle and he thought Howard was ready to go somewhere else in that segment. Jon asked Richard if he thinks he read the room wrong. Richard said he must have.
Richard said that he had a flight back from West Palm Beach last week and his girlfriend has never seen that before. They got delayed a bunch of times and they took off around 11:30 at night. As they were flying out they heard the space shuttle was going to launch. They saw it on CNN and then they saw the whole sky light up from the launch and everyone on the plane ran to one side to see it. He said he was afraid that the plane was going to tip because of that.
Gary said that Richard sent an email out telling that story and he attached the video to it. Gary said that the video wasn't that good and you probably had to be there to enjoy it. Richard said he had some friends who said they got chills watching it. Gary told him to produce those friends. Richard said it was a friend down in Florida. He told him to call in.
Richard said he sent the video to a bunch of places like CNN and Jet Blue. He also sent Jet Blue a note thanking them for it because it was a magical moment for him. He said that he's going to thank NASA on his album when he puts that out.
Richard said he got a nice letter from Jet Blue thanking him for the note and saying that it was nice that the flight delay turned out good for him.
Richard said that right after the shuttle launch he wasn't sure if they were going to get knocked around by the blast. He said that they went over a storm and did have some turbulence. He said that he started pounding the drinks and shots. He and his girlfriend were holding each other wondering what was going to happen.
Gary said he had a story from when he flew this weekend and Howard was kind of interested in it but he didn't bring it up on the air. Gary said that Richard told the story even though no one was that interested in it.
Gary told Richard that he has to know that if Howard doesn't respond to an email, it probably means he read it and he's not interested. Richard said he told Gary about it and he thought Howard was going to move on to other things during that segment so he brought it up. Gary asked him how he thought that Howard wanted to hear that story when Howard told him not to tell it. Richard said he wanted it to go a different way.
Jason said that Richard has been using their email system as a personal Twitter. He's been posting everything on there.
Gary said that Richard told a story on there about his neighbor throwing his cigarettes down on his balcony so he put them in an envelope and sent them to the guy. He wrote ''Keep your cigarettes off my balcony you piece of shit.'' on the envelope.
Gary said that you never mess with your neighbors like that. Richard said he has left many envelopes for the guy. Some were nice, some weren't nice. Richard said the guy is an asshole. Jason said that if he got a note like that then he'd be out there dropping everything he could on the balcony.
Gary said his wife had an apartment and her neighbors used to make a lot of noise having sex. She banged the ceiling one time trying to get them to stop and the next day a lawyer showed up claiming that she was violating the guy's rights. He said that people are nuts.
Richard said that he doesn't get to go into the studio much to tell his stories and that's why he did what he did today. Gary said that's why he's there. If he has a story to tell then he has to come and tell him the story instead.
Richard said that he just put that email up because he wanted to share the video. He said that he's only putting one story up a week. Gary said Richard had 3 stories last week. Richard said that he had some good stories that Howard read on the air so he's not sure what the problem is.
Richard and Gary were going back and forth with the story telling stuff. Gary said that if it doesn't go the way Richard wants, it becomes an issue. Gary said that he takes notes on Richard's weekend sometimes and he is listening to his stories. He said it's like Richard can't take no for an answer.
Jason said that it sounds like Gary is telling Richard to stay away from him. Gary said that's not what he's saying. Richard said he's trying to be less of a pain in the ass so that's why he sends out the email. Gary said that Richard is sending everyone notes and not just him. Gary wasn't getting his point across to Richard. Richard said he thinks that Howard wants to read some of that stuff and that's why he sends it to everyone. Gary said that's what he's trying to explain to him. Gary said he's supposed to be there to run stories past so Howard doesn't have to read them all.
A caller told Richard that the space shuttle flights aren't that big of a deal down there in Florida and he's nuts for getting so excited about it. Richard said it's mind blowing to him.
Another caller asked Gary about Richard's strange behavior around this time of year. Gary said that he went to the bathroom the other day and Richard scared the shit out of him when he stood outside the door with an axe and a Jason Voorhees mask on.
Richard also has a ton of pumpkin beer in his office because someone has been sending him some. Richard talked about the haunted houses he goes to every year. Gary said that Richard has been starting earlier and earlier every year going around to these things. Richard is now starting to celebrate around August 1st now. It used to start in October.
Richard said that he gets really sad around January because all of the holidays are past. Richard said that he's putting his Charred Walls of the Dammed album out in January of 2010. He said that will give him something to look forward to. Gary told him that it's a great time to put an album out AFTER the Christmas rush. Richard said that he was told that it's actually a good time to put an album out because people get gift cards and stuff for iTunes and things like that.
Jon played some of the audio of Howard talking about the lung thing first thing this morning. After playing the clip Jason said that Will brought up a good point when he said that they live in New York City where they have some of the worst air quality in the world. He said that Howard doesn't seem to realize that.
Gary said that Howard was really freaked out when Dana Reeve died of lung cancer and she wasn't a smoker or anything. Jason said he'd be freaked out if he walked through that cloud that Howard walked through.
Gary said he had a conversation with Howard one time at K-Rock and he had found a hair in his breakfast. Gary said that Howard asked what he would do and he told him that he would just throw it out and forge ahead. That's what Howard did and he thought that was an amazing thing.
Richard talked about finding a hair in Dan the Song Parody Man's meat loaf. He said he pulled the hair out for like a minute and then just kept eating. He said that the hair was all over his apartment because Dan has really long hair. Gary said that it's one thing to find a hot chick's hair all over the house but Dan is a dude. Richard made a Crystal Gale reference during that discussion and Jason had no idea who she was.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's weird how Howard thinks that everything is wrong unless he does it himself. He wondered why Howard thinks it's okay to watch Dancing with the Stars but if someone likes to go to haunted houses, it's wrong.
Gary said that Howard used to say that drinking was wrong and he also said that people should stick with their wives. He says stuff and then goes back on it in the future. The caller was also asking Benjy how he does his joke writing for Howard. Benjy told him that he hand writes the stuff and a camera shows Howard what he writes. They had to go to break after that.
Gary asked Lisa if it was because it came from the caller and Howard was quick to agree with him. Lisa said that was part of it. Benjy said that it seemed like Howard wanted it like that because it's more like a real news thing and they're doing a parody of the news with those reports.
Lisa said that they're there to do something new and it didn't make sense to her. She said that you hear Howard 100 News so many times that you don't need to end it with ''Howard 100 News.''
Jon felt that the caller was saying that it was making it more of a Lisa G thing and not a news story. Lisa said that radio is about personality so that's what she's injecting into that. Gary said that most radio stations end with the call letters of the station.
Steve Langford was in too so he said that the traditional way in news is the way Gary was saying it. Steve said that they aren't a traditional radio station. Gary said they used to play The Onion clips and they sounded like real news reports and that was part of the whole thing.
Lisa was complaining about the old days and how they were forced to say things a certain way and it was awful. Lisa said that she will do what she's told to do. She said that she has her first copy there with her new sign off.
Steve said that the sign off is not important, the story is important. Steve said he doesn't have a problem with it. He just trails off when he ends his reports anyway. Jon asked Steve how he's going to do it. He asked him to do it. Steve demonstrated it as if he was back at NBC News in Paris from 25 years ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa is making this all about herself. He said that he was the one who called in this morning and she prolongs the whole thing that she's doing and he wondered why it's so hard for her to understand this. The guy said that it doesn't sound right the way she does it.
The guy was complaining about the way Gary says ''twenty'' also. He told Lisa that her web site is about nothing too and he's not sure what she's doing with that. He told her to check herself and get over it.
Lisa said that they should be able to change it up if they want to. Gary said it's funny that Howard agreed with the caller so quickly. Jon said that Tim went for it too. Gary said that Tim was pushing for the other way for a few seconds but he quickly changed his mind.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to know what Richard's plans are for the future. He wondered what he was going to do when the show was completed. Richard said that he loves music so maybe he'll go back to that. He has a contract with Metal Blade Records so he'll do that and maybe keep working with Howard if he can. Richard said he knows guys in the entertainment business too so maybe he'll have something.
Gary asked Richard what he would like to be doing in 10 years. Richard said he'd like to be in the movie industry. The caller said that he just wants to know what he's going to do with the rest of his life. Jon said that Richard has been a success already and he has had hit records and works for Howard Stern now. Richard said he can go back to being an electrician if he has to. He said he can fall back on that if he has to.
Tim Sabean came in so Jon asked him about the Lisa G thing. Tim said that if Howard wants the change then they're going to make the change. They brand the news and the channels all the time so they get the point across all the time. He said it's all semantics. Tim said if he believes differently he'll tell Howard differently.
Jon asked Steve and Lisa what they thought. Steve said he agrees that they should do it the traditional way. Tim said it's not a dictatorship but Gary said that in some ways it is. Tim said that Howard does have the ultimate decision but they can argue it with Howard.
The caller asked Lisa if she really worries about this all day long. Lisa said that she's just saying that she's had program directors telling her how to do things all these years and it really doesn't matter. The caller also asked her when she last got laid. Lisa said that's none of his business and it doesn't matter. Gary said it might not matter but it is interesting.
Benjy was trying to ask Steve about the veggie thing but Steve didn't want to get sucked into the vortex with him. Steve ended up speaking French for the guys and did his sign off in French.
Jon also brought up the fact that Robin is going to be skydiving. Steve said they got a tip from a fan who heard she was going to be going and he was very glad that the fan told them about it. Steve said they want to be there for that and they have let Robin know that.
Gary said that he thinks Robin gets a high from doing stuff like that and he can understand why she would want to do it. She has done car racing and things like that as well.
Jon said that Robin was saying she didn't want to do it but she was doing it to conquer her fears. Gary said that he has a fear of heights and he thinks that jumping out of a plane would be the way to get over it. He thought about doing it but then he had kids and now he has to put that off for a while. He said he may do that sometime in the future though.
Richard said that he thinks it would be funny to see Steve jumping out of the plane right after Robin. Steve said that he would jump maybe at gun point. He said he has no desire to jump out of a plane. Steve said it would be great to get an interview with Robin right as she lands.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's been skydiving and it's a real thrill. He told the guys to give it a try. The guy said that she's not crazy for wanting to try it. The guy said that it's very cold up where you jump and it's wild. Benjy was asking questions that didn't make much sense to the guys. They sounded kind of stumped by his question to the guy about something stopping when you jump.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Robin is really into all of this excitement or if she's just trying to appear a little younger. Gary said he thinks that she's just going for the thrill. Benjy said if she wanted to appear younger she'd go out and buy Kotex or something.
The caller asked the guys if they ever thought about having a Wrap Up Show game. He said that maybe they could give away money to people who listen to the show. Richard said they could have a ''who could make Jon Hein cum faster'' game. Richard said it's fun to picture Jon nude for some reason. He said he wasn't sure why that was but he would like to see him nude.
Jon asked why he would want that. Richard said it would be funny because people laugh at him when he gets naked. Jon said that people laugh at Richard for other things, not just because he gets naked. Richard said the rest of the guys would laugh too. Gary said he'd laugh if he saw Richard blowing Brad Pitt.
Another caller asked why Robin would want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. The guy said it didn't make any sense for her to want to jump out of an airplane.
Another caller said that he was wondering if Robin had to be called into Tim Sabean's office for giving out a web site address. They didn't think it was that big of a deal since Howard called her out on it today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's looking to get Richard's album when it comes out but he just has a Wal-Mart near him. Richard said that it may be available there. Richard said they're going to have a pre-release through Metal Blade's web site so they'll have to see how that goes. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying he didn't know where to begin since there was so much going on. He said that they say that they're a merged company there but in some situations they're still a separate company. Artie said that hurts ''synergy'' there. Howard said that's true.
Howard said that the one way they're merged is in the money. He said that the 20 million subscribers all pay to the same company. Howard said they can't have it both ways there. He said the answer is convenient to whatever it is you're talking about.
Howard moved on to talk about yesterday's Wrap Up Show. He said that Lisa G was talking about the new news sign off and she's upset about it. Howard said Benjy hit it on the head when he said that they want them to do it so it sounds like a real news department. Howard said they're just covering their stupid world so it's a spoof. Lisa was arguing that they should be breaking new ground. Howard said he wants the news to be very traditional sounding because it's a goof.
Howard said he's going to make new rules to mess with Lisa G even more. Howard said that he knows what he wants the news to sound like and he's going to make it sound that way. Robin said that Howard has always had his own rules and that's why he never listened to program directors. Lisa doesn't seem to get that.
Howard said Lisa was saying she had to take an aspirin after her segment yesterday. He played the audio from the Wrap Up Show where she talked about that.
Howard said that Lisa is going to have to work under his rules. He said that if he didn't have rules there then it would sound relaxed and wouldn't sound right.
Artie said that he had a problem with Shuli saying ''Shalom beotch'' in his news segments. Howard said he doesn't want anymore ''Shalom Beotch'' from Shuli either. He said there are going to be some changes there. Howard said he wants a uniform sound to the news.
Howard said Steve Langford came in and gave him a new idea for the news. Steve was saying that it should just be ''Lisa G, Howard 100 News'' without the ''I'm.'' Steve demonstrated how he did it back in the day so Howard got the idea from Steve to get rid of the ''I'm'' from the sign off. Howard said it's going to be ''Lisa G, Howard 100 News.'' Howard said he's also going to add the location. Howard said if they're in the news room or the hallway, they're going to bring people there.
Howard said he wants to know where Lisa G is even if she's in the bathroom. Robin said she likes that. Howard said he'll make even more rules if he hears any protesting.
Howard said Steve is right about the news story being more important than who is doing the news report. Gary asked if it should be Lisa G or Lisa Glasberg? Howard said it should actually be Glasberg. Howard said it would be comforting to him to hear a real news report like that. Robin said she cracks up when Steve does his reports like real news reports.
Howard said he's serious about the dropping of the ''I'm'' thing. He said it will sound more like the news. He said he's not sure about Shuli's ''Shalom beotch.'' Fred said they have to drop that because no one else is adding their own little things like that. Artie said he finds that annoying and he thinks that Shuli is funnier than that.
Howard said he kind of likes that Shalom beotch so he's going to let it stay for now. Howard said that Shuli might have to use his last name from now on too. Howard said he likes the sound of Shuli Egar.
Howard read some email that they got about Lisa G. One writer complained about the way she says ''G'' in her name. That guy was happy about the changes that they made during the show yesterday. The guy said that Lisa was a ''fucking conceited cunt'' for trailing off with the G in her name.
Howard read some other email from people who don't want her on at all. Someone thought she was worse than water boarding. Howard read one where they asked him to keep Lisa off the channels completely. Howard said he doesn't agree with any of that stuff but there should be rules for the news department.
Howard said he has his own rules and he does them a certain way because he knows they work. Howard said he's not even sure exactly what they are but they are inside of him somewhere. Howard said the news department should have a universal sound and that's what he's going for.
Artie said that Violent J came up to him and told him he was nuts based on what he read in his book. Artie said he thought that was a nice compliment.
Howard said he got some email about Stedman becoming a professor at JD's old college Full Sail. Howard read one where the guy said he was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.
Howard got some feedback about some of the bits they were doing during the news and things like that. Someone wrote in about Joey Boots saying no one gives a shit or gives a fuck about that. Howard said he had a full range of commentary from the fans.
Howard said he had some negative mail about his breathing problems that he talked about yesterday. He said he can't believe the lack of compassion from the fans out there. Howard said one guy told him not to worry about the polyurethane thing. He said that Howard is a healthy person and he will be fine. Howard said some of the fans weren't so kind. He read some of that mail where they told him to stop being a pussy. One guy said it sounded more like he got brain damage from breathing that stuff in.
Howard said he's still convinced he's dying from breathing that stuff in. He woke up with pains in his chest this morning. He said he went to the gym yesterday and told his buddy Pat what was going on. Pat is a man's man. He said that he told Pat about what happened and he felt kind of shitty about it because there was a woman in the room at the time.
Howard said Pat looked at him and started laughing and that was it. He said that Pat told him that he was a lot more resilient than he thinks so he should be fine.
Artie said he was thinking about this because he used to work at this place where he had to package sandblasting material and never wore a mask. He said he did that for a year and even ate the shit that was on the pizza they used to get for lunch. He said that he's still around after that so Howard should be fine.
Howard said that Kurt is apparently a crier and he's done that before. Howard said he seemed to be really crying in that clip but other people think that it might have been an act he was putting on.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that guy. He said he's a little too emotional. Howard played some of the press conference he played yesterday. He said he was probably going to cut it off again though.
In the clip Kurt was talking about the ex-girlfriend that kicked him out of his own house and he started to break down crying over it. He said he wasn't doing anything wrong and sitting in the county jail thinking about dating this girl. He was crying as he talked about it. Howard and Robin laughed when they heard that.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that cry is real. Robin said she thinks it is. Howard said he saw the tape and he was really crying with real tears so he thinks it's real. Howard said he knows super emotional guys like this. He said that he might be clinically depressed. Howard said they're just super crybabies.
Howard said that he got his composure for a little while and then broke down crying again. Howard played that clip where Kurt broke down crying again when he was talking about his kids. Howard and Robin laughed some more at his crying. Howard pointed out that the reporter was doing anything she could to get the guy to cry.
Howard asked Robin if she's upset that she didn't date the guy. Robin said ''Oh please!'' She said this sealed the deal on that.
Howard played more of the interview where Kurt was talking about how he wanted to move on with his life. He antes to spend more time with his kids and that was starting to happen. Then this hit him. Kurt started to break down crying again. He said he's going to be smarter about who he surrounds himself with.
Howard asked when it's okay to cry, your parents funeral? Robin said that's fine. Artie said that it's okay when you're at a Michael Jackson concert too. Howard said he feels weird when he cries in front of Beth. Howard said he did that once but it was in private. Howard said he has probably cried twice in front of her but they were very personal things. Howard said one of the things was a family member being ill. The other was a very personal matter with one of his kids. He said that was it. Howard said he punched his wall with his fist to counteract the crying.
Howard said that he usually accompanies the crying with something manly. He smashed his head with a phone one time. Howard said that Kurt might be shaving his legs during this interview.
Howard played more of Kurt crying. He would break down for a few seconds but then he'd be fine a couple of seconds later. Artie said he's pretty sure that people in Pittsburgh wouldn't be sympathetic to this guy.
In another clip Kurt was talking about praying about his life and he started to break down once again. Kurt was upset about having to go to jail for the first time in his life. He said that it wasn't the first time he was accused of something but it was his first visit to jail. Then he started to break down crying again.
Howard told Robin she has to go out with him. Robin said she has other girls she's got to go out with. She doesn't have time for this one. Howard said Kurt could be in Girls Night Out. Robin said that she's not sure if they're even still going.
Howard asked who is in her GNO group. Robin mentioned a few names and forgot to mention Jason. Robin said she forgot about him but he's like their secretary. Howard asked if GNO was affected by the incident in Florida where the photographer got her picture. Robin said that they weren't in GNO at the time so that doesn't count.
Howard asked if Dominic's wife Leslie is in the group. Robin said she hasn't spoken to her recently. She said she should do that though.
Howard played some of the audio from the Larry King Show where they talked about the case. Howard said he thinks that Dominic loves this stuff and he's probably covering the case for free just because he's getting on shows like Larry King.
Dominic was talking to Larry about why it may have appeared that she was drunk even if she wasn't drunk. Dominic said that she wasn't able to see and she wasn't able to speak but she got into the car anyway. Dominic said that she left her phone on a bridge too so it was very strange behavior.
Howard said some of the stuff he said was really out there but it sounds like no one really wants to know what happened. They're just trying to blame the husband. Howard said he'd want to know what really happened.
In the clip Dominic said that the husband didn't believe that the wife was drunk at all. Dominic told Larry that he wants answers to how and why it all occurred. Dominic said that 60 percent of America was polled and they think that she didn't go out and do this. Howard said he wasn't polled by anyone about that.
Howard said Larry was cutting Dominic off a lot. He played an example where Dominic was arguing his case but went on too long. Larry cut him off and asked Dr. Pinsky what he thought.
Artie said that Dominic has the ability to just go on and on boring people and he can just go on and on without stopping. Howard cut Artie off in the middle of that explanation.
Howard said that was a nice letter and it shows how wonderful they are. He said that they bring joy and love into people's lives. Howard said that's why Lisa G has to sign off ''Lisa G, Howard 100 News.'' Howard said it was an amazing letter.
Howard said that guy didn't even cry half as much as Kurt Angle. Artie said he saw some guys in Orange County Jail breaking down and crying when he was in there.
Howard asked Dominic about representing that guy for free. He said he's not charging the guy very much but he is charging him. Dominic said that this case is kind of catching him a little bit and he had to take it. Dominic said he's been doing this stuff for a long time and the Larry King thing isn't that big of a deal for him. Howard said that's bullshit and he loves it when he's recognized out in public.
Howard said he loves when Larry cuts him off. Dominic said he is good about keeping him in check. Dominic told Howard about the fumes he inhaled and how he could suffer a stroke from something like that. Howard thanked him for that and hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dominic can't believe that this woman didn't have a history of drinking. The guy wasn't able to get all of his thoughts out so Howard had to hang up on him. Howard said that Sal and Richard could do a prank call like that where they can't get their thoughts out. Robin said they have actually done that before. She told Howard about one of the calls Richard did like that and Howard said she was right about that.
Robin argued that they put meat on just about every meal over there so that was her problem. She said that there was also a language barrier there so that didn't help.
Howard played another clip where Richard was talking about picturing Jon Hein nude. He said he would like to see him nude. Richard said he thinks that they'd laugh if they saw Jon Hein nude.
Robin said that Richard has some bi-sexual tendencies. Howard said he really does. That led into Howard playing a prank call that Richard made to a radio show where he wasn't able to get his thoughts out. That was the one Robin was talking about a little earlier. In the call he tries to get his thoughts out but takes so long that they had to end the show.
Howard said that call was great. He said that's exactly what he was talking about them doing earlier. Howard said he had to take a break but he had another ''Nervous Mark'' call to play. In that one he called in at the start of their show instead of the end. He tried to get his thoughts out but said a lot of ''Uhhh'' instead. He dragged out his comments for a couple of minutes before they hung up on him. They did give him a couple of minutes trying to give him a chance. Richard just kept pausing and not getting it out so they had to hang up on him.
Howard said that was so mean for them to hang up on him. The hosts said that they had to do that because they were running out of time. Sal called in after that and pretended that he was confused about what was going on and didn't have any answers for them. He kept asking what their questions were and they tried to help him out but they had to hang up on him too.
Howard said that some people are too nice and they let their show suck by keeping people like that on the line. Howard said public access shows are like that. He also said that there are a lot of reality shows that let real people on the air too and there are a lot of assholes out there too. Artie thought he was talking about guys like Glen Beck but Howard said it was reality shows, not a guy like Beck. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and did his goofy DJ voice introducing the Van Halen song. He said they had a lot to talk about this morning and put some echo on his voice. He said they have to put the news department on echo too.
Howard said he had Riley Martin on the phone. He asked Riley if they have figured out what's going on. Howard said he'd like to know what's going on with that. Riley said that he hasn't heard back on that yet. Howard said he wants to know too. Riley said he wants to know what's going on as well.
Howard asked Tim Sabean what's going on with that. Artie said he saw an email and it said something like ''funny farm'' on it. Tim came in and said that he wants to talk to Howard about this off the air. He said that they have to talk about it in private. He said that Dr. Ablow said that Riley's reality is different than theirs is. Dr. Ablow doesn't believe his alien stories.
Riley said that if they could read or understand what he talks about they would know that it's real. Howard said he's concerned about Riley understanding that he can't sell advertising on his show. Riley explained that he apologized for that to Tim and Tim accepted the apology. He said that he's obviously a back stabbing weasel.
Howard asked if Riley knows that they don't owe him a living. Tim said he doesn't understand why Riley told him it would never happen again and he kept doing the ad thing. He said he can't trust Riley because of that.
Robin said that Dr. Ablow is saying that Riley is living in another reality and they may have to get into his reality. Riley told Howard that he told him about 9/11 before it happened and they ignored him. Riley said that he wrote him a letter about that and he could have prevented it if he had listened to him. Howard said no one would have listened to him.
Howard asked Riley if he really thinks that if he had called the FBI or the CIA and told them he got a letter from a guy who was abducted by aliens about the 9/11 attacks that they would listen? Riley said that he could have told them about what he predicted and he would have given them a warning. Howard said that if he had given him 5 names and the plot then maybe they would have believed him.
Howard told Riley that he tells stories all day long that don't make sense and no one is going to believe him. Howard asked why he wasn't at the airport that day to stop them himself. Riley said he didn't have enough money for a bus ticket because these motherfuckers don't pay him enough.
Howard said that they were giving him $1,600 a month to do that 1 hour a week show. Riley said they weren't ''giving'' him anything. He said he earned that money. Howard said that he was testing Riley to see if he could remain calm and he failed. Howard said Dr. Ablow didn't make a dent in this guy.
Howard wondered if he should get Dr. Ablow on the phone now. RObin adn aRtie siad he should. HOward said maybe he should get his thoughts on this whole thing. HOward asked Gary if he was trying. Gary was calling and the phone was ringing as they spoke.
Tim said that they may have to do more sessions with him. Riley said he would do it if he got paid. HOward said they are paying him. Tim sadi that they are doing that reluctantly. They even paid to have a driver bring him into the city. Tim asked if he got his check. Riley said that he did get his ''You're fired'' check. Tim said they are paying him for his session too.
Gary told Howard that he got Dr. Ablow's voice mail but he may call back any minute. Riley sadi that he trusts Dr. Ablow implicitly, pro or con, so he will go with whatever he syas. HOward siad he didn't have Dr. Ablow on the line but if he calls in he will get Riley back on the line to talk to him. Riley said that would be great. He sadi that he wants to get his information to the people and he would love to come back. Howard said he will talk to him when he gets Dr. Ablow on the line. He said that there's a rumor that Dr. Ablow committed himself after that Riley show.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News. Howard was calling her Lisa Glasberg but she didn't want that. She said that she's registered as Lisa G and trademarked as Lisa G. She said that she's not going to go by Lisa Glasberg.
Lisa said that Benjy is going to try a detox diet with Tim Sabean taking him under his wing. Howard said that Robin should be taking him under her wing. Robin didn't know anything about it. Howard asked if Tim can handle that responsibility. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Tim said that he told Benjy he would show him how to do it. Benjy said that he's thinking about doing it but he hasn't committed to it yet. Benjy said that Tim has his own philosophies about the whole thing. Tim said that's not true. He said he follows that detox diet the way they tell him to.
Howard said that Tim was out at his place and he was eating a ton. Tim said that was the most he's eaten in months. He wasn't doing that a lot. Howard said Tim had 3 cookies at his house. Tim said he did but he felt bad about it. Tim said he lost 80 pounds on the diet.
Benjy said he thought that Tim had come to him with the diet thing. Tim said that's not true and now he's getting caught up in the Benjy vortex. Howard cut Benjy off and said he didn't want to get caught up in that.
Lisa said that Benjy has been going into the news office and taking 3 Red Bulls for himself. They're loaded with caffeine. She said that Benjy is also given 2 cups of coffee every morning. Fred said the cans of Red Bull are huge too. He said that they're like the size of a can of hair spray. Benjy said that he goes up and down with the caffeine thing.
Artie told Howard that Benjy has olive oil spray over there. He has E-Fusion energy drink and a huge vat of salad. He said that he has hard boiled eggs that he puts on top of that and then he sprays the olive oil on that. He said he and Fred wonder what they're doing there sometimes. Artie said he feels like throwing up sometimes.
Benjy wondered what was so wrong with what he does. Howard said that it's the way he eats that huge bag of salad back there. They talked about him eating a bag of blueberries too. Benjy said he has lost 60 pounds in the last 6 months so he's doing good. Howard told him to eat like a normal person and he'll lose weight. Howard said that when you eat a huge volume of salad and blueberries, it's not good for you.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said she spoke to a doctor about the polyurethane thing that Howard was complaining about yesterday. The doctor told her that it can cause temporary problems and it should go away. Howard said he has OCD so he thinks he has cancer but he can't stop thinking about that. Howard said he's trying to work it out himself but he's having problems doing that. He said he will get past it eventually though.
Lisa asked Howard if Beth has left yet. Howard said they have 2 weeks left together. Howard said he thinks that she wants to leave him for a while. He said he doesn't want to be apart from her. He said there is no benefit from her going away for a month. Howard said that he's not going to get laid. Robin said he will when he travels out there to see her.
Howard said Beth told him that she told him that he can fuck other women while she's away. Howard said he asked her if she was going to fuck other guys. She said she wouldn't but she knows that he has needs. Howard said he asked her if she was kidding him. Howard said that she was just joking around and she thought it would be erotic to say that. Howard said it would be more erotic if she said she never wanted him to fuck another girl, ever.
Howard said that he has put all his eggs in one basket for this woman and how he has to be lonely and miss her while she's away. Robin said that Howard is choosing to be miserable. Howard said he doesn't like it. He can't choose to like it. Robin said he can do that.
Howard said her outfits are all sexy and that upsets him too. Robin said that Howard doesn't want her to have a life, that's what it comes down to. Howard said that's not true.
Artie said he'd be thrilled to have a month to himself. Howard said when Beth told him about this thing she's doing, he thought it was a great thing for her. He told her to go and it would make him happy if she was happy. Howard said he's having a hard time with it but he's not telling her that. He said he will get through the month and he'll be okay.
Artie said Howard should tell Beth that if she needs to get in touch with him that she should call him at Rick's Cabaret. Howard said he won't be going to Rick's so that's not going to work.
Lisa G said that High Pitch Eric's pets have been adopted. She said that Eric claimed that he got them back himself but that is untrue according to the ASPCA. Lisa said that they told her that they weren't able to prevent someone from giving them back to Eric if those people gave them back to him.
Howard said that was great they gave the animals a new home. Lisa said they had to stay in the hospital for a month to be nursed back to health. Lisa signed off with ''Lisa G, Howard 100 News from inside Studio 69.'' Howard wanted her to give the location first though so he corrected her on that. Lisa did the sign off that way but she wasn't doing the Lisa Glasberg thing. Richard had recreated the ''Lisa G takes shits at work'' jingle to have her last name in it. Howard played that and got a laugh out of Lisa.
Howard asked Lisa what the big deal is out of using Glasberg. She said that it's hard to spell and people would have problems with it. She said that they don't have to live with that name though. Howard said that Englebert Humperdink made a career with that name so she should be able to get away with Glasberg.
Howard asked Lisa G if she's ever had to go after anyone using that Lisa G name. She said that they actually did but she didn't have any details on that. She said her attorneys took care of it for her. Artie asked her why she cared. Lisa said that she just did care.
Howard said Lisa Glasberg isn't that difficult to spell. He said that there are many other people who have hard to spell last names that don't bother changing their names. Howard asked Lisa if she would sue people for using a name like Alyssa G or something like that. She said that it's just Lisa G.
Howard thanked Lisa for coming in and let her go a short time later. They played her out with the ''Lisa Glasberg takes shits at work'' jingle.
Shane said that the fires out in California are causing problems for the animals out there so they need Howard's help. Howard said he finds it odd that they're interested in this stuff. He said that you'd think that they'd just want to be nude all the time.
Howard asked if their bodies are still hard. They said they're not but Robin Torme said that they actually are and everyone was coming up to them at the Playboy Mansion telling them how great they looked.
Howard asked the girls if they're still with Ken Wahl. Shane said that she is. Howard said that both of them were banging Ken for a while. Howard said that must be great to have something like that.
Howard asked Sia if she's still banging Ken. She said she's not. Howard asked if she sees other guys. She said that she does see some other guys. Howard asked if they still live together. They don't anymore. They were conference called in this morning.
Howard said that the girls used to do anything to stay thin but now they tell girls not to throw up and things like that. Howard asked how old they are now. They're 46. Artie said ''Bye!'' when he heard that.
Howard asked the girls if they have to work. They don't because they're full time animal activists now. The twins said that they're low maintenance. Howard asked if Ken is working at all. Shane said that he broke his neck in 1996 and he's not able to work. Howard asked if he's in a wheelchair. She said that he's not but he does have a spinal injury.
Shane said that they're very busy working with the animals. They don't worry about money and just live in tents if they have to. Howard said he didn't believe that at all.
Howard asked what the girls are asking for her. They wanted to give out a web site KittyLiberationFront.org where you can find out more information.
Howard said he'd like to know if they still look good. Robin Torme said that they do. Howard asked if he would still want to bang them today. They said no. Robin Torme said yes but the girls both said no.
The twins were giving Benjy some advice on a book that he should get for his diet. They spent a little while on that and then Howard them get in another plug for their web site. Robin Torme said they need volunteers out in California to help with the animals. Howard said he had lost them after the web site plug. Artie said they lost them after they said they were 46.
Howard said that they were the hottest thing for a while. Artie said he remembers how hot they were back in the 80s. Howard said they really care about this stuff they get behind. Howard said that Ken Wahl was a lucky man when he got to bang both of them. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back from break and listened to a little bit of the Mr. Jones song. Howard said he told Adam from the Counting Crows that he's crazy for sharing all of the proceeds from the band equally with the rest of the band.
Howard said he had Dr. Ablow on the line. He picked up on him and got Riley back on the line as well. Howard asked Dr. Ablow if he's a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Dr. Ablow said that he's a psychiatrist. Howard said he would never go to a psychologist.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow what he makes of Riley and if he thinks that he can understand what they're talking about. Ablow said that if you made a chart with two circles some of the stuff Riley believes in would be part of their circle.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if he thinks that Riley knows that he's bullshitting them with the alien stories. Ablow said that it's not bullshit but it's an escape that Riley needs to get away from some painful things in his life. He said it's a protection of some type.
Howard asked if he started the stories because of his upbringing working on a farm for his family and all of that. Riley said that maybe he should stop trying to save the world and become an Octodad or something like that. He only has 3 kids though so that won't work.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow about Riley and he was trying to explain to Howard what his diagnosis is but Riley was yelling at someone to answer the door.
Dr. Ablow said that Riley needs an escape from reality and he will tell you about his reality as a childhood and all of that. Riley cut him off and asked if he's out of his mind if people are taking pictures of the space ships that he described 20 years ago.
Howard told Riley that he has never been on a space ship and he's never met the Targzisians. Howard told him he ends to get rid of the crutch and move on.
Dr. Ablow said he had a patient that thought he was in Sicily when he was really in a V.A. hospital here in the states. He said they wanted him to give him an anti-psychotic drug to snap him out of it but Dr. Ablow asked them why they needed to do that for someone like that.
Dr. Ablow said that Riley might need this reality of his own to get through the pain in his life. Riley started to diagnose Howard about his own things but Howard cut him off and said that they're trying to figure out if Riley can come back to work there.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if Riley is in any condition to come back and work there without problems. Howard said he knows that they pay him plenty there but Riley has to know that he can't go out and sell his own ads. Ablow said that he is capable of understanding but he thinks that he needs more sessions.
Riley said that he will not lie to the doctor. Ablow said he feels he's telling the truth when he says that. Howard asked Ablow if he would do more sessions with Riley. Ablow said he would. He said that he has some significant pain in his life and he thinks that it would be even more interesting than his book ''The Coming of Tan.''
Howard told Riley that he will arrange for more sessions with Dr. Ablow. Riley started to go off on Howard so Howard asked Dr. Ablow why there was still anger there. Ablow said that they should extend the olive branch and let Riley know that he could come back some day.
Riley said he wants to come back and do his show while they're doing the sessions. Howard said that he's not ready to come back yet. Riley went off on Howard saying that he was going to make sure he doesn't get paid for the foreseeable future. Howard asked Dr. Ablow to step in on this. He said he has his work cut out for him.
Dr. Ablow said that he has to know that he's not alone going through this therapy. Robin said that they're paying him for doing the sessions. Riley said that he would try not to have any contact with them if it wasn't about the money. Howard said that he's so fucking money hungry.
Howard told Riley that he's not his daddy, he doesn't owe him a living. Riley said that he executed that show to the best of his abilities. He thinks that Howard would give him the decency to keep him there.
Howard said that they have channels there that people subscribe to for him. He said that they do this nice thing for Riley and Riley doesn't appreciate it. Riley said that he gives that to Howard but he also doesn't understand why they don't pay him better. Howard said they do give him good money to do an hour a week. Howard said he's not the ''negrah'' as he said.
Riley said that he wants to be on the channel again and he won't sell ads again. Howard said that Riley is making $400 an hour. Riley said that's bullshit. He said that he's getting $400 a week. Howard said he does a 1 hour show.
Howard told Dr. Ablow he thinks that he needs to do more sessions with Riley. He said that he will graciously accept his help. Howard said that this is Riley's last hope at getting back to reality.
Dr. Ablow was telling Howard that Riley grew up working in the fields so love was hard for him. Howard said that maybe they have to put Riley out in the fields. Fred played the ''Keep it real up in the field, aight?'' clip as they were talking about that. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Riley was complaining about having to come into the city to do the shows with Dr. Ablow. He said that he really cares for Howard but Howard said he doesn't have to care for him, he's fine. Howard said he's not in this therapy. Riley told him to set up the sessions again and he'll come in and do them.
Howard was going to let the two go but Dr. Ablow thanked Riley for the Symbol he sent him. Howard told Dr. Ablow that he should just rip it up and throw it away. Riley said that he hopes Howard threw his away. Howard said he did. Riley said that the Aliens won't be saving Howard because he doesn't have his ticket to the mother ship.
Howard told Ablow that he's going to have to quit his regular practice with this whole Riley thing. There may not be enough hours in the day to give him therapy to help.
Howard wondered if Dr. Ablow can give a lobotomy to Riley. Robin said that he might be licensed to do that. Howard said that might be what Riley needs.
Howard said that he had a few things to get to and Ted Kennedy was in the news today. He said they release a memoir of his and he says that a day never went by that he didn't think about Mary Jo Kopechne. Howard said he claims that he panicked and ran away from the scene that day. Howard talked about some of the other stuff in this memoir and he admits that he was flawed.
Howard said that there was also a statement that Elliot Spitzer's whore put out. Her name is Ashley Dupre and she sounds very angry in this statement. Howard said that she seems like a huge bitch in this thing. Howard read the statement and she was saying that she never turned the guy in so she's not sure why they think that she's benefiting from the whole thing. Ashley said that this whole thing closed more doors than it opened.
Howard read that Ashley claims she didn't make money off of nude pictures because she never wanted to publish anything like that. She went on and on about all of that stuff and saying that she didn't bring this all to the press.
Howard said that Ashley was saying that women target rich men all the time so they can have nice stuff and don't call it what it really is. She said that they would rather stay in a loveless relationship than go out on their own making their own money.
Howard said this girl is so angry. Howard said they're not accusing her of anything other than being a prostitute. Howard said he thinks that she's completely delusional. Howard said that she's back in the news because of Elliot Spitzer talking about running for governor again. Howard said she did release a new single when she put this statement out.
Howard said he was reading about the song she put out and it actually got a good review. Howard read the review and the guy was saying that it was actually pretty good but not something that would ''wow'' you. Howard said he heard the song and it wasn't all that bad.
Howard wasn't sure why she was trying to explain her life while talking about these other women who are in loveless relationships. Howard said that he really doesn't care that she's a prostitute. He said that he doesn't have a problem with that. Howard said that she was the one who couldn't make it as a singer and had to turn to prostitution. Howard said that she's using it now to get that music out there so she is using her fame to get that music out there.
Howard played some of Ashley Dupre's song and it didn't sound all that bad. Howard said she can sing, she's not bad. He said he could see her on Broadway or something. He said that maybe she could be billed as ''Elliot Spitzer's Whore as The Little Mermaid.''
Howard said he would listen to that song waiting for ''Boom Boom Pow'' if he heard it on the radio. Howard played some ''Boom Boom Pow'' while he was talking about it.
Howard said that he wishes her luck with her new song. He said that he'd like to have her in there even if she sounds like a douche in that statement she put out. Howard said no one really cares that she's a whore. He said that those women who are with men for their money are whores too but who cares?
Howard said there's a group of guys that can dunk basketballs while jumping off of trampolines. He said that's not really a headline act either. Howard said it's one bad act after another on that show. Howard said there's another act where a couple dances and the woman lifts the husband. Howard said he couldn't watch that for more than a couple of minutes either.
Howard said they have a couple of singing acts that could make it but it's the kind of music that the Mid-West Yahoos would go for.
Howard said they have two little kids that dance and you want them off the stage after 30 seconds. Howard said that they ballroom dance and it's just not that entertaining. Howard said that he would tell the kids that they're two little shits and they can't entertain anyone for more than a couple of minutes. Howard said he'd tell the parents that their kid can't dance too.
Howard tried to take a phone call but the guy wasn't getting to his point so he hung up on him. Another caller wasn't there so Howard gave up on trying to take calls.
Howard played Richard's ''I Wanna Eat The Corn Out Of Your Shit'' and said that it was just way over the top. Sal did one where he has Robin taking a shit on him. It was ''I'll Eat Your Fecal Matter'' to the tune of Metallica's ''Nothing Else Matters.'' Sal was laughing at his song but Howard told him to get out of there. Artie said that was ''raising the bar'' for Sal and Richard.
Howard played some Larry King Show clips where he was asking Chris Brown about his incident with Rihanna. Brown said that he didn't want to get into that. He wanted to respect Rihanna and didn't want to talk about it. Larry kept trying to get something out of him but Brown wasn't going to talk about it.
Howard and the guys were goofing on the guy about the way he was avoiding answering Larry. Howard was doing an impression of Brown skirting around the issue.
Larry kept pushing Brown for some kind of answer but Chris didn't have much of anything to say. Howard and the guys goofed on him some more and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that they had comedian Pablo Francisco there. He replaced Artie on MAD TV. Howard said that Pablo has a DVD coming out now so he must be doing something right.
Pablo told Howard how he got the job after Artie left. He said that they told him that Artie had gotten a movie deal and he just took off. Pablo said that they gave him Artie's dressing room so they had to straighten that up for him. He said that the whole place was kind of wrecked when he went in there.
Pablo told Howard that he was on for only 7 episodes. He said that he just replaced Artie for those 7. Howard asked if he felt bad about himself when they took him off. Pablo said his manager wanted to go for a sitcom or something. He said that the rest of the cast weren't even sure if he was going to be coming back.
Howard asked Pablo about growing up in Tucson, Arizona and how he knew he could do the impressions that he does. Pablo said he worked at a pizza place and he was doing impressions there. He said that people liked the stuff he did. He used to do an impression of Aaron Neville for a guy he delivered to. He said that he could get free weed from that guy he did the impression for. Pablo did some of that impression and he found that he could get pot doing that so he did other impressions too.
Pablo said that he used to hate school so he'd wake up around noon and do the impressions at school too. He said he did graduate high school though. He said that he started to do impressions at comedy shows and he was doing things like Kermit the Frog.
Howard said that he also does Arnold Schwarzenegger. Pablo did some of that impression as well. He did that impression as if he were in ''Brokeback Mountain 2.''
Howard said that was a great impression of the movie announcer. He was doing that as he was doing the Arnold impression. Pablo said that's an impression of the late Don Lafontaine. He did some more of that impression and some more of the Arnold.
Howard asked Pablo if he was ever asked to do Saturday Night Live. Pablo said he was under contract for something else called C-TV and he wasn't able to go in for an audition.
Artie said he saw Pablo do the movie guy voice and Arnold in a sketch all at once. He said it was very funny. Howard said he loved that movie announcer voice and he wishes that he was able to do that himself. Howard said he can do the voice so he wondered if he's ever been asked to do it. Pablo said that he has done it on Jay Leno and some other stuff. He said he actually called Don one time and did the impression of him.
Pablo said that Kevin James told him he should keep doing that impression because it's so good. Howard said he also does Casey Kasem. He did some of that impression for Howard and threw in some other voices. Pablo said that Casey's head is huge and his kid has a head just like him. He said his daughter is hot looking but his son looks just like his dad.
Pablo did some of his Dennis Hopper impression and some Chris Rock too. He said that Chris Rock is really hard to do. He did some of that and told Howard he got some of that down.
Pablo said he was listening to Riley earlier and got that voice down a little bit. He said he talks kind of like Foghorn Leghorn. Pablo was doing that voice as the bouncer at Scores too.
Howard asked Pablo if he went to college. He said he went to a United States International University for like 4 months. He said that Jamie Foxx was doing music there when he was there. He did an impression of him a little bit.
Howard asked Pablo if he thinks he should be bigger than he is. Pablo said that the money he's making now is great. He said he met Don Lafontaine one time and hung out at his house for like 6 hours. Pablo said that it was kind of weird talking to the guy. He said he showed him around the house and showed him his ''table of solitude.'' He said that his kid came out and he told them to go and hide and he'd try to find them. He was doing that in that strange voice of his so it was very odd.
Howard said it must be weird to see that guy at home with his kids when he's talking to the kids like a movie announcer. Pablo told Howard that Don was telling him about how marriage is all about finances and things like that.
Pablo told Howard that he and Don went down to his recording studio and he watched him doing his thing for ''24'' box office set. Pablo said that he did it all in his basement and he had it made. Howard said that's an amazing story. Howard said that he must have asked Pablo why he was working so hard when he could just be reading stuff for a living.
Pablo said Don told him that he wanted to take a picture of him because he loved that he did an impression of him. Pablo said that he was in Helsinki and they asked him to say Nonkia over there and he got paid to say that as Don Lafontaine. He said that he got 40 grand for doing that.
Howard asked Pablo if he does Count Dracula from the old movies. Howard said that Gilbert does that. Pablo said he did a Dracula but it was a gay Dracula. He did some of that voice for Howard.
Howard heard that Pablo had prank called Gary one time and fooled him for a few minutes. Pablo said that he did do that and he had Gary fooled into thinking that he was Gary Busey.
Pablo did some impressions of Jerry Seinfeld for Howard. He also did Ozzy Osbourne as if he was at Subway ordering a sub.
Howard asked Pablo why he's not bigger because he has those voices down. Howard said he heard that he might party too hard. Pablo said that he once made the mistake of doing coke in front of some other comedians. He said word got out after that. Artie said that sucks if someone rats on you about that.
Howard asked if he really does a Jerry Springer impression. Pablo did a little bit of that one. Howard asked him to do some other impressions like Danny Glover, Ricky Martin and a couple of others. Pablo said that he does the guy from the Allstate commercials. He did some of that for Howard. He also did a beat box thing with a heart beat and things like that coming from his throat.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pablo only did 25 minutes on stage at a show last year. Pablo said that's not true. He said that he wouldn't even be there anymore if he only did 25 minutes. Pablo said that he sounds like Michael J Fox and did an impression of him.
Howard talked about how Jewell used to open up for Pablo at some of his early shows. Howard said that every comic must have wanted to bang her. Pablo said that she was living in a bus at the time. He said that he wasn't able to close the deal with her.
Howard asked Pablo if he gets laid on the road a lot. He said he really doesn't. He said that he's kind of paranoid about STDs after his friend showed him something he had one time. Pablo told a story about how a girl once and she tried to convince him that she was pregnant after he faked an orgasm so he doesn't trust people like that.
Howard thanked Pablo for coming in and gave him some more plugs for his DVD and web site. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was reading an article about this girl who was kidnapped at 11 and kept locked up for 18 years. Howard said that everyone is scrambling to get an interview. Howard said that Oprah Winfrey's team is trying to get her and sending personal notes to her about getting her. Robin said that a kid locked in a box can't possibly want to talk to Oprah Winfrey. Howard said he can't imagine the devil that's locked up in someone who writes a note to that poor girl.
Howard told Gary to send the girl a signed photo and a fruit basket. He said that she probably hasn't had fruit lately so he'll send her that.
Howard said that they booked the kidnapper's first wife for an interview. They also got another victim of the guy on Larry King's show. Howard read about that and how they're looking for interviews with just about anyone involved in the lives of these people.
Howard read that Geraldo took one of the people out on his boat. Howard said he's glad he became who he became in broadcasting because he doesn't have to schmooze people like that. He said that Geraldo has a boat and he invited the step-father of the girl who was kidnapped onto his boat. Howard said that he can't imagine having to do that to get interviews. Howard said he can't do stuff like that.
Howard read more about this Garrido guy and Jaycee Duggard who was kidnapped. Howard pretended to be Oprah writing that letter to Jaycee. He was wondering what she would be saying to that girl. Robin said this is why she considers reporters to be lower on the scale than lawyers.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's sick of this Oprah Winfrey and she's tired of her praying on other people's problems. She went off on her for a few seconds. She also said that she'll be in the city today with a sign trying to find a celebrity to call in for the ''Out Produce Gary'' contest. Artie said he was going to offer 10 grand to anyone who keeps Mariann from winning. He took that back when Howard asked him to.
Benjy asked Howard if he should have the right not to say his actual age if he didn't want to. Howard said he can but it's a funny thing. Robin said that he's basically saying that he is lying about his age. Howard said they used to do that with David Brenner all the time.
Robin asked Benjy how old he is. Benjy said his birthday is September 24th and he'll be 38. Steve said that he's lying. Howard moved on after he asked Benjy to swear on his parents lives and he refused.
Steve said that Jay Leno has spoken out about why Stuttering John won't be the announcer on the show anymore and he basically said that Kevin Eubanks is ''his guy'' so that's why he won't be there.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he thinks happened there. Jon said it sounds like Jay just didn't think John was the right guy to talk to and he's given him a mercy job with this writing gig he has now. Jon said that John is probably upset about it and would rather hear something other than what Jay said.
Howard asked Fred, as Stuttering John, what he thinks about the whole thing. Fred did his John impression for a short time and had him doing impressions like Pablo Francisco was doing. He also did some announcing that John may have done back at the Tonight Show introducing people like ''Niggerless Cage'' and ''Pamaler Anderson.''
Howard wondered what happened with John's parking space at the Tonight Show. Jon said that he imagines that someone just came out and took his parking space name plate away. Howard said he thought that John had bought a motorcycle so he could ride with Jay but he never got that chance. Fred asked if John wanted to sell the bike. Howard wasn't sure if that was even a true story or not.
Howard spent some more time talking to Fred as Stuttering John. Fred had some fun goofing around with that voice making fun of John.
Howard asked Steve if he had anything else today. Steve said they also have a story about Jackie Martling doing a show at Gramercy Theater this fall. He'll be teaming up with Billy West. He's asking if he can borrow the Jackie Puppet for the show. Howard said he thinks that Billy wants to use the puppet for the show but he won't come back on this show. Gary said that's like loaning the puppet to the two angriest guys who left the show. Howard said that they can play with his puppet, he has no problem with that.
Howard did his Jackie impression as if he were asking for the puppet from him and telling him that he'd like to borrow the microphones and chairs too.
Howard said he thinks that Jackie is calling in next week and he'll have to ask him if there's anything else he can get for him. Howard said that Jackie would probably tell him he sucks since he left the show. Artie said they should ask Jackie if he has spoken to Billy about why he won't come back on the show. Howard said Jackie would probably just say ''fuck you'' in that Jackie the Joke Man way.
Howard and Fred did their Jackie laughs and impressions. Fred then started playing the many different Jackie laughs they have in their system. Fred said there were even more after playing like 5 or so. He kept going with the laughs but then a bit came up that Howard didn't like. He said he thought it was a phony phone call.
Steve said that 25 years ago tomorrow is the anniversary of Gary starting on the show. He used to call himself Gary ''Dell-a-bait'' but it's actually ''Dell-ah-bah-tay'' now. Gary said that his family used to say that it was ''Dell-a-bait.'' He said that his mother is now using the new pronunciation. He said that the people at the nursing home all call her that so she must have changed it sometime before then.
Howard said that Gary changed his name when he said that he should so that's what Lisa G should do. She should be Lisa Glasberg. That led into a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies being played.
Steve said that Sal the Stockbroker has created a new web site at LisaGlasberg.com.
Howard asked Steve to sign off but he did it wrong. Howard told him to do it his way but Howard wanted it his own way. Steve convinced Howard that it was his way so it should be ''Steve Langford, Howard 100 News, New York.'' Howard said he wanted ''Howard 100 News'' last though. They still have to work that stuff out.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of what he had coming up. Then Mutt called in with his Superfan Roundtable preview. Mutt said they'll be talking about Robin's skydiving story. He said they also have the news sign off issue that they'll be discussing. He said they'll be talking about how it will affect Shuli and the rest of the news team. Mutt said he thinks that Shuli should be allowed to keep the ''Shalom beotch'' thing. HOward sadi he's not sure about that. He said that he is the goofy guy that they don't really take seriously so maybe he'll keep it.
Mutt said they'll also be talking about how on the Wrap Up Show they always ask people what they do for a living when there's an argument. Howard said he noticed that and they are kind of elitist on that show. Howard said that Gary is the one who does that a lot. Howard said if he wasn't around Gary would be driving a truck too. Howard asked what Mutt does for a living. Mutt said that he's an electrical contractor actually. Howard had no idea. He let him go after that. Superfan Roundtable is on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm.
The caller asked if they were interested in Marla Gibbs from the Jeffersons for the contest they have going on. Howard wasn't interested. The guy said that he could get Steve Vai too. Howard said that none of them are going to win 5 grand.
Gary came in with some of the other celebrities who are trying to get on the show. Gary said he spoke to Peter Lemonjello. He said someone said they could get Gene Simmons but they have him on all the time. They had Paul Moliter, Christopher Watts from Inglourious Basterds too. They have Sally Kirkland and Marla Gibbs. Debra Ann Wolf from True Blood is on the list too. Howard said that Marilyn from The Munsters beats them all so far. Howard said they're not there yet.
Gary read through a bunch of other names but they weren't people Howard was interested in. Gary said that they should hear from Steve Carrell and maybe Kevin Costner, Lance Armstrong and Shia Labouf. Howard said that those are more like it. He said that they got a call from someone who wanted to get the old receptionist there at SIRIUS and someone wanted to get her on the show. Gary said that he's not sure that she's going to win anyone 5 grand. Gary said that he spent the whole week fighting off Gwar's manager since they wanted to come on.
Robin got to her news and started off with a story about a guy who is trying to become a public advocate and sending out two different fliers to whites and blacks. He's married to a black chick and he left her out of the white people fliers and put her in the black fliers. Howard said that wasn't such a bad thing to do. Robin said that some people are very upset about it. Howard said it actually is a very racist thing to do and it's no wonder there is an uproar over it.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot his wife on the street while people stood by and watched. He claims that he fired the gun at some people who were trying to interrupt an argument and accidentally shot her. Howard said that he can't step in against a gun so he would be out of there if he saw someone with a gun. Robin said that they say that his wife didn't get a serious injury so she's going to be okay.
Howard said he and Robin saw a kid stealing a bike one time and he wanted nothing to do with it. Robin thought it would be a good idea to do something. Howard said he told her that they were going to turn around and just keep going before the kid asked him for his wallet.
Robin read a story about a woman who kidnapped a woman after she hit her with her car. Instead of leaving her there, she made her get in the car and took her away.
Robin read a story about a former Muslim girl whose family wants to kill her since she converted to Christianity. The girl is underage so they may put her in a foster family to get her away from her current family.
Robin had a story about a baby that was born in England to an infertile woman. Howard said that we don't have enough infertile women out there. He said we have too many people out there. Robin said that this baby was a screened embryo. She said that the mom was 41 and she went through 13 failed pregnancies. They ended up picking the embryo that might work and put it in and that one took.
Robin read a story about people abusing 911. A man in Florida was arrested for calling 911 for a ride to get some food because he was hungry. The cops took him to jail where they booked him for making a false 911 call.
Robin read about Elliot Spitzer considering another run for the Governor of New York next time around. Howard said he's denying it. Robin said he is saying that he's going to be an adjunct professor at the City College of New York. Howard said that's like what Stedman Graham is doing. Howard said he can see girls wearing signs saying that they'll fuck for a good grade.
Robin said that the Boston Cardinal participated in the Ted Kennedy funeral and some people are upset about that because Kennedy was for abortion rights. Howard said that they should get over it. Robin said he had to blog about it and he was saying they need more unity in the church.
Robin read about the Ted Kennedy book that's been leaked and how they're giving us the good parts already. Howard said he doesn't have to read the book after reading the excerpts they put out. Howard said he knows most of the important stuff.
Robin read that there were rumors that Charlie Watts had left the Rolling Stones but that's not true. Robin said that he's still in the band. Artie said that he's probably worth 100 million bucks and he doesn't put any effort into playing.
Robin read that baseball player Kurt Shilling is thinking about trying to get Ted Kennedy's open Senate seat. Artie said that he has nothing but bad memories of that guy.
Robin read a story about Diane Sawyer getting the anchor seat at ABC news. Howard said that he likes that they're not making a big deal out of that like they did with Katie Couric. Howard said that's the way it should be. Robin said that Charles Gibson is leaving ABC and retiring. Howard said he thinks that Diane Sawyer is like 60 years old and he thinks that he's bang her if he could.
Howard said that for someone over 60 Diane Sawyer is looking good. Gary said that he would do Meredith Vierra. Howard said he wouldn't. He said he would do Diane though. Howard said he knows he's no beauty but he has taste and he's sure Meredith wouldn't want him. He said he's pretty sure he could get an erection for Diane.
Benjy found a list of women over 60 for Howard to think about. All of the names he gave weren't up to Howard's standards. Howard said that he had to know someone that he knew. A lot of the names were unrecognizable. Howard said that Diane Sawyer was the only one on the list. Fred threw out Merryl Streep but Howard didn't think she'd be on the list either. He told Robin to get back to her news.
Robin had some news about Larry King and Chris Brown's interview the other night. She read that Chris Brown will be doing trash pick up and graffiti removal while doing his community service.
Robin had some news about Michael Jackson being buried today. Howard said it's next to Larry Fine too. He said that they think that he's going to be happy being buried there. Artie said that it's a really talented guy being buried next to Michael Jackson.
Robin had a story about a nun who guzzled half a bottle of gin and went on a joy ride that almost killed some kids. She's 68 years old. Robin said that she narrowly missed a group of kids and ended up side swiping some cars and plowed into a tree. She was at .18 blood alcohol when she was arrested. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about what the sign off was going to be. That's when he added that they were going to say where they were located.
After the clip Jon asked if it was a mistake for Lisa to complain about the changes. Gary said that was the problem. No one else is complaining about the changes.
Jon asked what everyone is thinking about this. Gary said that the listeners and the office staff seem to be living to get under Lisa's skin. He said that seems to be working because she doesn't seem to be amused. Gary said he thinks this really bothered her too.
Jon said that this was such a little thing and it got to her and everyone attacked on it. Gary said that they're not talking about a big thing. It's a very simple thing and people are going nuts over it.
Jon asked about the ''I'm'' thing being removed. Gary said that he thinks that Howard is just trying to get it back to being more about him and not about the reporter.
The guys also talked about how Richard had changed the news theme for Lisa G to include her last name. That got a big laugh today when they played it. Gary wondered if she has her full last name on her driver's license or social security card. Gary joked that he had seen her Social Security card and the number on it was ''3.''
Bubba the Love Sponge has his name ''Bubba the Love Sponge'' on his license. He changes his name legally so that's why that is. Lisa has not changed her name legally so her real last name is on her license.
Jon asked Gary about his last name being changed in pronunciation. Gary said that was no big deal at the time. He said that he was 24 when he started with Howard so it was an easy transition. Jon asked when the rest of the family started to change their last name pronunciation. Gary said he thinks that everyone followed but he's not sure when or if everyone is doing it. Gary said his cousin Jill has always pronounced it the way he does now. He said he might be upset if his kids went back to the way his family used to say it.
Jon took a call from a guy who went off on Lisa and how she's lucky to have a job in this economy. Gary said that Lisa really isn't as cunty as the audience thinks she is. He said she's really a nice person. Gary said that she's very ''straight'' but she's not cunty.
The caller said that Lisa is trying to mark herself out using the Lisa G thing the way she does. Jon said that she is taking advantage of the position she's in to get her name out there. The caller said that she's just a cunt. Gary said she's really not.
Benjy asked if Lisa G changed her name legally to ''I'm Lisa G'' if she could use that in her news report. The guys got a laugh out of that.
Shuli came in and said he has no problem doing whatever the hell his boss wants him to do. He said he'll drop the Shalom thing if he wants him to. He said he just does that stuff for fun and if Howard antes him to drop it, he will.
Jon asked Shuli if Steve and Lisa have been reporters all their lives. Steve has been but they weren't familiar with Lisa's career. Gary said he's seen Steve doing interviews up in Canada from years ago.
The guys talked about Shuli's full name, Shuli Egar, and how they thought it was kind of cool. They liked the sound of it.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that his own name is fuckin' cool. He said he's been loving the past couple of days with Lisa G. He said that he yelled at the wall instead of going into the studio to go off on Lisa. Ronnie said that he wanted to say what a hypocrite Lisa G is. He said that she says that they're supposed to be working out of the box there but she doesn't do that herself. He said that she isn't a team player and she shouldn't be arguing with Howard about his new rules. He said that she should just come in and say it the way she's supposed to and not argue about it.
Jon asked Ronnie why he argued with Howard about his limo when Howard didn't like it. Ronnie said that Howard liked that car when he ordered it and he changed his mind. That's why he was upset with Howard and argued. Jon was saying that Howard was arguing with Lisa today just like he did with Ronnie about the car. Ronnie said that they can argue with him if they want but no one else in the office is willing to come in and say this stuff but he is.
Ronnie said that Jon says stuff off the air than he does on the air. Ronnie said that he says on the air what he says off the air. Jon said he knows that Ronnie likes Lisa and likes to break her balls but it does bother him that she's not a team player. Ronnie said she should just be a professional about it and do her fuckin' job the way she's supposed to.
Ralph called in and asked what the opposite of Jumping the Shark is. Jon wasn't sure but Ralph told him that he was right about calling Ronnie out on the limo thing. He said that he's not sure if Ronnie is doing an act but he's coming off as an asshole by calling her names. He said that she gets under their skin and Ronnie is saying horrible things about her. Ronnie said he's just stating his opinion. Ralph said he sounds really angry about it when he's talking about her though.
Jon asked Ronnie what it is that she won't do on the show that makes her not a team player. Ronnie ended up going off on Ralph because Ralph kept bringing up how he seemed to be doing this to get attention. Ronnie called him out on some stuff to and said that he does stuff for attention too.
Jon asked Ronnie if Ralph is a team player. Ronnie said that he actually is. Gary said the thing that Lisa wouldn't do was play the violin on the show for the staff talent show they wanted to do. That's one thing that's not that big of a deal that makes it seem like she's not a team player. Ralph didn't think that was that bad and it shouldn't make her seem like she's not a team player.
Gary said that Lisa is getting benefits from the show and not contributing in ways that she could. Ralph said she's not getting that much from the show and they're just getting angry with her for not going along with everything.
Ronnie said that guys there do stuff that they don't want to do there. That's what the show is about and you just have to go along with the program.
Benjy said that what annoys him is that she acts very uptight but then she seems to hold other people down for their behavior. He said that she'll call them slobs, outrageous and other things and she does that to a lot of people all the time. She's done that to Artie at times. There are other people she's done that to as well. Benjy didn't have a list of people she had done that to though.
Ralph said that maybe they just misinterpret what she's doing. Ronnie said that's like going to someone's house and throwing up in the bed. Ralph said that was him having a head injury and not feeling well.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she's a huge fan and she gets the satire of the news team but Howard is contradicting himself with the news thing. She said that they play the jingles for Steve's huge penis and Lisa's shitting at work but he wants them to sound professional. They said that's the whole joke of the news stuff. They're doing those jingles seriously.
Jon asked the caller, Anna, if she thought Lisa overreacted to the situation. She said that she thinks that any big changes in her life are going to cause problems for her. Gary said that was hitting it right on the head. He said that Lisa doesn't like change and this is a big change for her. Gary said it was a great observation.
The caller said that Ronnie was overreacting too but he overreacts to everything. Benjy asked her why she thinks Ronnie reacts like that. She said she thinks it's a defense mechanism. Benjy asked if she's a psychologist or something. She said she's not but she does work at a hospital and she's been listening for 15 years.
Another caller said that he thinks that Gary is one of the coolest guys to take the amount of shit he takes and still do his job. He said he has gained a lot of respect for him. Then the guy said that he thinks that they're missing some of the point. He said that part of what makes Lisa ''Lisa'' is that she's just a good girl who has some morals and there are things that she won't do. He said that's what's great about her being in the studio with guys like Richard and Sal.
The caller said that what's great about Shuli is that he'll keep doing his Shalom thing and that will drive Lisa nuts. He said that's a great part of this whole thing. The guy said that the whole thing is perfect and Howard is the master of manipulation.
Jon asked Gary if that will get under Lisa's skin at all. Gary said of course it will. Jon said he knows that but he had to ask.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Robin was the 34 on the narcissism scale but he thinks that Howard is actually the one who should be there. He said that Howard shouldn't be bothering them about this stuff. Gary asked why he can't because these are his channels. Gary said that they want to brand stuff a certain way and that's why they do what Howard wants. Gary said that the narcissism is there but that's what Howard wants to do.
Jon asked Benjy about his age and what Steve was saying about him today. Gary asked Benjy if it was true that he made up a voter registration card and that's where Steve is getting the date from. Benjy wouldn't say that's what it was. Benjy said that he may have changed his age at some point to get financial benefit. He wouldn't say what it was that he did or didn't do. Jon wished Benjy a happy birthday but Benjy told him to try again in 20 days since that's his actual birthday.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Lisa is in love with Howard and she might just be jealous of what he has with Beth. Gary said he thinks that she likes Howard but she's not in love with him. Jon said that she might be enamored with Howard and she may have out done Sal in that regard.
Jon took another call from a guy who said they're driving him out of his mind with this Lisa G. He said that she acted like a child and there is no defense for that. She should have just done what the boss said. The guy said that he has employees and they should just listen to what he says and not roll their eyes like Lisa did.
Jon said he gets what the caller is saying. He asked the guy if he thinks that Lisa should be fired for something like that. The guy said that's not what he's saying and he knows that sometimes people will have a difference of opinion. He said Howard is right at the end of the day so Lisa should just go along with it. He said that defending her is insanity.
Gary said that he used to tell Stuttering John to just say ''Okay'' and leave the studio. John could never do that and he always had a ''but'' to add. Jon said that Richard was like that yesterday and he does the same thing. Jon said that they're going to hear the news the way Howard and Tim want it and that's the end of that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy wondered if Don Lafontaine could block that legally if he's doing that voice himself. Gary said he's not sure if they could. Gary said that they used to have to announce impressionists like that years ago but he's not sure if that's necessary.
Jon played some audio from the interview where Pablo was doing his Don Lafontaine impression for Howard for the first time.
After playing the clip Jon asked Will if Pablo had a whole repertoire when he spoke to him. Will said that he hit him with a ton of impressions when he did the pre-interview. He said it was hard to follow because he did so many.
Gary said that remembers reading that Rich Little came in and read for David Niven in one of the Pink Panther movies because David was too ill to do his over dubs.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they really thought that his impressions, other than the movie guy, were that good. Gary said he did have his moments. He said the Schwarzenegger thing was good. Gary said the movie guy voice was really good. Jon said he felt he nailed some of them and missed on some too.
The caller said that he thought that he was going to be better but he thought he sucked and he was talking too fast. Gary said that Pablo sounded sick today so maybe that's what it was.
Will said that he got a list of the voices he does from the web so maybe he doesn't do them that often and doesn't do them that strongly. Will said he thought some of the impressions were very good but there were a couple that weren't that great.
Gary said he remembers Artie telling them about how they used to give the staff on MAD TV a walk man to listen to tapes of the people they were going to do impressions of so they could get the voice down. They could forget about that after a while because that's what Artie has done.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Riley Martin and if they think he really believes that he saw aliens. Gary said at this point he does believe that Riley believes that. The caller asked if they could put him on a lie detector and ask. Gary said it might be fun to just leave it the way it is.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that the puppet will be safe. Gary said he hopes that they keep a very good eye on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he saw Pablo Francisco a few years ago and he does a full act an not just voices. He said he was funny too. The caller asked if they talked about Don Lafontaine being dead. Gary said they did. The caller asked if Pablo went to his funeral. They said he didn't talk about that. Benjy said it would be great if he did and he threw his voice.
A caller asked the guys if they think that Howard is going to be miserable when Beth is away from him for a month. Gary said that he's hoping that it won't be too bad for him and that Howard has evolved like he says he has.
The caller said that he thinks that the news thing is part of that and he's gearing up to get aggravated with everything.
The caller asked if they're going to be in next week. They said they are and they are going to have the Strongest Naked Woman contest next week.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he likes the calls that Sal and Richard make but he wanted to know if Gary ever feels guilty about it because he knows that they disrupt people. Gary said they get pranked all the time so he doesn't feel guilty about it at all. Gary said that the news channels that get pranked just prove that they're lazy by not looking into things further when they get calls.
Ralph called back in and asked if they thought Howard was particularly funny yesterday. He said he thought Howard was great and he was cracking up the whole show. He said it was like the old ''Angry Howard'' from 10 years ago. He said he was getting all angry about everything and he thought he was miserable and that misery might be a good thing for him.
Gary said that when Howard is miserable everyone else gets it so he might not like that. Gary said that Howard let Scott the Engineer off the hook for something recently but 10 years ago he would have gone off on him for the rest of the morning.
Gary said he thinks that Howard has been in a regular mood lately. There are some days that they find that he's in a rough mood and they know that someone is going to get yelled at. Gary said he hasn't gotten that from him this week.
Gary said that he's seen Howard in a bad mood and when he flips on the mic he changes. He said sometimes he doesn't change and they know to stay out of the studio if that's the case.
Jon asked Ralph if Howard is going to be able to handle it when Beth is away for a month. Ralph said he thinks that it's going to be some of the best radio ever while she's away and he's going to stay away from the phones.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about Sally Field being one of those over 60 women that Howard would bang. Jon and Gary said she's tiny but they weren't sure if Howard would be into her. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:05pm