|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show saying that they had George Takei in for the week. He said that George just flew in to do the show. George said he flew in yesterday. Howard said he heard that he's going to be getting an apartment there so he'll be there more often. George said that is true. They're going to be closing on the place next month. He said they'll be able to see them more often now. Howard told him that was great news.
Howard asked George if his marriage to Brad is still valid with the new law that passed out in California. George said it was still good along with 18,000 others. Artie said ''Damn it!'' but told George he was just joking.
George told Artie that he looks good and he's always full of changes. Artie said he was out in St. Louis over the weekend and people love when George is on the show. He said that they're great fans out there too.
Howard asked George if he's still on ''Heroes'' or not. George said he can't say but he can wink at him. Howard said they do bring people back on that show even after they die. George said that he does have a son on the show that goes back in time so that's why he comes back sometimes.
Howard asked George about the gay marriage thing. George talked about how strange it is that they can be married now but if they divorced they wouldn't be able to get married again.
Howard said he figures that Robin may have been goofed on last night at the roast. Artie said that you get to hear the bombing at the roasts and you also become part of the roast.
Howard said he got one note about the roast and what happened there. Howard read the note and the guy was wondering about what Robin was going to say about who killed at the roast. Gary told Howard that note was from Whitney Cummings' manager.
Howard said that someone joked about how Robin would be working at a Popeye's asking ''Hello, may I take your order...'' if she wasn't working on the Howard Stern Show. Howard read a few other notes about the jokes people were telling at the roast. One joke was about Robin's vagina being like the first 5 minutes of a movie... its never been seen by a black man.
George was wondering if the joke about Robin's vagina was because it was dark skinned and maybe she needs to get it bleached. Howard had to explain that they were referring to her dating white guys, not about the color of her vagina. Howard said that she fucks so many white guys that it never sees any black guys. George said that he hadn't been on the show in a long time and this was throwing him off.
Artie said that George had only been there 13 minutes and he had already made this one of the best shows yet. Howard said he was very excited to see that George was coming in today.
Howard asked George how many people show up for these conventions. George said they get 10,000 fans at these things. Artie said that's pretty huge. Howard asked what the people are looking for when they go. George said they're looking for autographs.
Howard asked George what he does at the convention. He said that they get up and speak to the audiences there. He said that they pretty much all show up, even Shatner. George said that Shatner may not speak to him this time when they see each other. He said they usually speak to each other civilly but this time it may be different. He said that he's upset that he didn't appear on his TV show and he's upset that they didn't invite him to their wedding even though they did invite him.
George said that he was in Hawaii recently and he got a call to do Shatner's TV show. He didn't do it because of all of the horrible things he was saying about him. He said Bill called him personally and tried to get him to do the show. George asked him why he was saying all of these horrible things about him and Bill pretended he didn't know what he was talking about. George said he didn't agree to do the show and hung up on Bill so this time when he sees him, he's pretty sure that he won't speak to him.
Howard said it must have been difficult for him to turn Bill down like that but he has to applaud him for sticking to it. He said that Bill has gotten some heat lately and Bill might be looking to use him for publicity. George said he would have been willing to do it if he had been forthright about what he had done. Since he wasn't, and denied it, George wasn't going to agree to do the show.
Howard said Bill is going to continue to deny what he has said so he gets why he won't go on. Howard said he may have to go on with George and he may have to work with the two of them to cut the bullshit. He said that he would like to go on with tape of what Bill has said and confront him about all of that stuff. George said he would like that if it was a genuine conversation. Howard said he wouldn't go out to L.A. to do the show but if they shot it in New York, he'd be willing to do it.
George said he would really appreciate it if Howard were there to help him out like that. Howard said he would ask Bill about the stuff he said and tell him how phony it is. He said that George wants closure with him and that's what he would do. Artie said he bets that they would pay for Bill to get a jet out there to do this whole thing. Howard said he would like to get the answers but he would need to put a whole thing together for the show.
George said that he's always been fair to Bill and he's never done name calling or anything like that. George said that Bill once compared him to a horse. He tried to explain that to Howard but Howard didn't get what he was talking about. George said that's something that he'd like explained to him too. Howard said he would ask Bill about why he doesn't like George and get those answers for George.
Howard told George that he can't back down if they do this thing. George said he won't. He's ready to take it all on. George told Howard that everyone from the show shows up to do events together and Bill is the only one who won't show up.
George said that the whole cast and crew went out for a party when the Space Shuttle Enterprise was named because it was named after the show's ship. He said that Bill didn't show up for that or for many other things.
Howard said everyone makes a lot of money off of the conventions and stuff and that's something that Bill should be supporting. George said he didn't even show up for Gene Roddenberry's funeral. He said you'd think he'd show up to show his respects for someone who created the series that made him who he is.
Howard said he gets why he might not show up for the funeral thing but he's going to go after him about the stuff he's said about George since they're personal attacks. Howard asked how long the show is that Shatner does. George said he thinks it's an hour. Howard said he could have a lot of fun doing that show for an hour. Howard said they could bring in Gene Roddenberry's corpse and make Bill confront him there.
George said there are a lot of little things that Bill says that bother him. He said he would like to ask him about why he keeps saying he wasn't invited to his wedding when he actually was invited. Artie said he's pretty sure that Bill won't do it because Howard is going to be there. He said he may be a bit intimidated by that. Howard said he thinks that he'll show up but then he may try to squirm out of the whole thing during the interview. Howard said he would play some tape of Bill saying some horrible things about George.
Howard had some clips of Bill talking about George so he played some of that. It was an interview where Bill was asked about not being invited to George's wedding. Bill said that George is a sick man and called him ''psychotic'' saying that there is an illness there. Bill was saying that he didn't read George's book but he heard that he said some stuff about him in the book and how he really didn't know George. Howard said the guy worked with him for 3 years. George said they've been doing conventions together for 43 years and they did scenes together in Star Trek.
Howard asked George if he saw Star Trek the movie. George said he did and he loved it. Howard said it really was good and they had developed the Sulu character quite a bit. George said he blames Shatner for having his role downplayed. He said that he had meetings with people to get his captain's stripes in the movie and they cut it because Bill didn't want him to have them. George said Bill was mumbling his lines and it was obvious he was ruining the scene on purpose.
George said that Bill is actually a savvy actor and he knows what he's doing. Howard said that he's going to deny ever doing any of this and George has to stick to his guns. George said Bill is a charming and delightful guy but that's all a facade. Howard said they have to confront him on all of this.
Howard played more of the Shatner interview where he was going off on George. Bill said that George has been talking about him for years and he's not sure why.
Artie said there are people who do the show and only see Howard and Robin. He said that Shatner is one of those guys who ignores everyone but Howard and Robin. Howard said he may have to bring Artie on the show to do the interview too. He said it'll be like a court marshall.
Howard played more of the audio of Bill talking about George. Bill was talking about George hiding his homosexuality for all these years and finally coming out at the age of 70. Bill said that no one cares and you'd think that there would be an Epiphany at some point where he would think that all of these terrible things that he had done weren't as bad as he thought. Bill said George makes this big deal out of not inviting him to his wedding and you'd think that he'd want to make up since they don't have that many years left. Bill said George must be a sick man for taking it out on him.
Howard said that it would be something else if Bill just came out and said that he didn't like George. He won't do it though. George said that the other cast don't have the same problems with Bill. He said that Bill really has a major problem with him.
Howard said he's ready to go with the interview and he just needs a couple of weeks to prepare for it. He told George to get that going and he'll do it.
Howard played more of the interview Bill did where he was talking about George. Howard played another few seconds of that and told George to set that whole thing up and he'll do it. George said he's ready to do it too if Howard will be there to support him like this.
Howard played some clips of Bill saying some strange things that they had edited from his audio book. That led to George saying that Lisa Lampanelli asked him to read for her audio book and he will be reading that as Lisa as if she were an Asian man. Howard said he got a copy of the book but he hasn't read it yet. The book isn't out yet though.
Howard played some of the Bill Shatner audio book clips that they had edited. George was laughing his ass off when he heard one of them because it was a really long one where Bill was talking about people from the show jerking each other off and things like that.
Howard played a bunch of other clips that had Artie cracking up along with George. They had Bill talking about Nichele Nichols having giant piss flaps and things like that. They were all edited and fake clips of course. Artie said that was the funniest shit of all time.
Howard had George do an announce as they were going to break. George read his short script where he talked about them all sounding like a bunch of fucking bitches for whining about getting up so early. he said that they don't have to work with Bill Shatner and that's when you really have the right to complain.
Howard didn't go to break. He took a call from a guy who asked George when he last spoke to him. George said that it was about 6 weeks ago. The guy said that George is crying about this all morning so far and he needs to move on. George said he'll be seeing Bill in a couple of weeks out in Las Vegas.
Howard mentioned that Robin had just shown up so he was going to take a break and let her get settled in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they have George singing, announcing and telling stories on the show. He played another song where they had George talking about what he does with men and talking about loving black wang.
Howard said he saw that Robin was back so he asked her about her triumphant trip to Los Angeles. Robin said that she never said it was triumphant.
Howard said before he got to Robin he wanted to talk about how Ricky Henderson was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Howard said he didn't think the guy was from America but he grew up in Oakland, California. Artie said that the guy talks about himself in the third person constantly too.
Howard said there were a lot of stories about Ricky Henderson. He said one of them was about this team mate that got hit in the head with a baseball and started wearing his helmet even when he was running bases. Then he moved to a new team and was on the team with that guy again and he didn't recognize him.
There was another story about how Ricky had gotten a check for a half million dollars and didn't know that he had to cash it to have the money. He thought he had it just because he had the check.
Howard said that people were saying that Ricky had been taking speech lessons and everyone wanted to hear him speak at this hall of fame thing. Howard played some of the audio of that where Ricky was reading his speech. He was still screwing up words as he was reading it. Robin said he sounds illiterate.
Ricky had thanked his wife for being there for him and that sounded okay. Then he started talking about his ''daughter'' but he has a couple of them. Howard said he may not know what the plurals are for ''daughter'' and things like that. Howard said they may have to dig up some old clips of him speaking to get in touch with the old Ricky.
Howard said they're saying that this speech was pretty impressive compared to the way he used to speak. Howard said he has to hear some of that old stuff if that's the case.
Howard played some more of the speech and he was saying ''...I guess mom do knows best.'' The guys got a laugh out of that. Howard wondered how he got through school speaking like that. Howard said he'd like to confront the Oakland school system for letting him get through.
Howard played more audio where Ricky got a bunch of his plurals wrong. He was obviously reading and he sounded like he didn't know what was coming next.
Robin said that this is the kind of thing that causes people to come out and not admit they can't read. She said that he's trying to learn and they're making fun of it. Howard said he actually feels sorry for the guy. He also said that it sounds like one of those clips that they edited together like they did with the Shatner clips.
George agreed that he did sound like he was trying to improve. Artie said that guy was amazing as a baseball player and you'd think that he was a well rounded guy. He said you'd think it would have happened earlier than this that he'd try to sound better.
Howard said he finds that whole game plan kind of strange. He said that it's going to be tough working with the kid. He said that people do make that whole thing work but he thinks it's going to be rough on her. Robin said that the last time they talked about this, Angie got kind of upset.
Lisa G said that Jillian Barberie is not going to be doing the weather segment on the NFL pre-game show anymore. FOX is doing away with that segment. Jillian did that show for 10 years. The guys spent a short time talking about that. They were talking about how much the weather can effect the betting on the games and things like that.
Lisa said that they interviewed a bra expert who was telling her how cup size is different for the width size of the bra. She said that Beth O is going to be joining her tomorrow for the fitting of her possible new bra. Howard said Lisa was looking kind of busty today and he was thinking that maybe she is a bigger cup than they think she is.
Robin said she had people interviewing her about her bra size as she was going down the Red Carpet at the roast. Lisa said that Robin looked great in her dress there. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard asked how big the bra sizes go up to. Robin said she had never heard of anything over an H naturally. Artie said he saw a chick who was a triple M. Howard said those are fake though.
Howard said Robin had to have been J's before the reduction. Robin said they'll never know. Howard played another new song parody about Robin's bra size that just came in.
Howard read that the largest natural breast was a 56-WW. Howard said that had to be an obese woman though. Robin said that she was in pain when she had the giant breasts herself. She said that she had to have the reduction done. Howard said she was getting blisters on her nips from that.
Artie said that he went to see this Busty chick at Frank's Chicken House one time and he had to pay 10 bucks to have his picture taken with her. He said he can't imagine doing that to yourself. Robin said it is bizarre.
Howard played another song about Robin that was sent in. That was ''Suck on Those Black Titties Bitch.'' That was by Kidd Chris. Howard said Chris is the same guy who did the George Takei ''Sulu Dance'' song. Howard asked if anyone wanted to hear that. Everyone did, of course, so Howard played that one as well.
George told Howard he was on the float a couple of years ago in a gay parade and they played the music from that song during the whole parade. He had no idea that's what they were going to play. Artie said that the Gay Pride parade is the only parade where it's more honorable to be in the rear.
Howard had Fred play the Kidd Chris prank call that he made to George as Ricardo Montalban. Right before they played that they were asking George how things were going with Brad in their sex life. George was kind of skirting around the question and not answering them fully. Howard had Fred just play that prank call instead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a wife with a J-cup bra. Howard asked how that looks when she's naked. The guy said that they're huge and they hurt her back and everything. He said he'd send a picture along to them if they wanted. Howard said he'd like to see that but only if she's okay with him sending it along.
Howard asked the guy what he does with those things. He said he tittie fucks her and his cock gets lost in there. Howard asked Robin if she's ever done that. Robin said she's never had that and that's the one spot on her that's still virgin.
Howard said that he's amazed that Jim Florentine never did that to her. She said she had to thank Jim for helping her out with her Roast jokes.
Howard asked Robin if she was paid to do the roast. She said she was. Artie said he got 10 g's to do the Shatner roast. George said he got 25 for the Shatner roast. Artie said he got offered 15 to do another roast. The first one he did was $5,000. He said even that was pretty good money.
Howard asked Robin if she saw anyone from the roast when she was at the hotel. She said she ran into Mario Cantone yesterday but that was about it.
Howard asked Robin who else was at the roast. Robin said that Gilbert Gottfried was there. She said that Kathy Griffin was hosting. She said that everyone who you'd think would roast Joan is dead. Howard asked if David Brenner was there. She said he was not there. Donald Trump did a video. Howard asked about some other people that were in Joan's life and a lot of them weren't there.
Robin said that Brad Garrett was there, Sandra Bernhard wasn't. Robin said that there weren't that many women on the dais. She said that Carl Reiner was there. Robin said he got up and said a few words. She said that he was very funny.
Howard said he got an email from someone who wanted to know who the funniest people were at the roast. Robin said that Whitney Cummings was great but Gilbert was incredible. She said he told a great story about Joan fucking him when he was younger and then slithering back into the sewer.
Howard said that this writer was talking about how hard Robin got hit in the roast. Robin said that she got it pretty good. Howard read some of the jokes that the writer had told him about. Robin told Howard some of the jokes that Gilbert told too. She said she thinks that she and Mario Cantone took some of the biggest hits at the roast. Even more than Joan did.
Howard asked Robin what number roaster she was. She said she was pretty late in the roast. Robin said that they were pretty good about keeping their jokes separate. She said that she was just sitting there enjoying the show most of the time and forgot that she was even supposed to go up and do her thing.
Howard asked Robin about the material she had and if she was showing any cleavage. Robin said she didn't have any. Howard saw a picture of her a short time later. He asked why she had her braids all bunched up. Robin said she was in a rush so she had them up to do it quicker. Howard asked why she was in a rush. Robin said they picked her up late.
Robin said there were a ton of people in the audience. She said she thinks she did okay with her roasting. She said that Tom Arnold had some trouble with his script. She said that he had to ask to stop and do it again. Artie said he's never seen anyone do that before. Robin said that Joan stopped a few times and asked to do it over again a couple of times. Artie said he's never seen that happen in one of these roasts. Robin said that they told them to do that if they felt that they needed to.
Gary asked if it was true that Joan had to approve all of the material. Robin said that she's not sure about that but they did tell them that Melissa was off limits. They took those jokes and threw them right out.
Artie said he had some great ones about Melissa. Robin had said that they were killer jokes. Artie said he had one about Joan's annoying dog and referred to Melissa in the joke. Howard said that's bullshit that they cut those jokes out.
Artie said he had one about Joan being one of the best female comics and how Melissa was the first asshole to be kicked off of ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Met Out Of Here.''
Howard said he finds it unfair to cut those jokes out because Melissa does work with Joan on her shows and stuff.
Artie told some more of his Melissa jokes. He said that he had one about Courtney Love and Joan Rivers teaching a class on how to be so annoying that their husbands will kill themselves. He had some jokes about Joan's wide mouth and about how she used to have a face. Artie had one about her doing the red carpet shows and how it turns out any annoying cunt with a microphone can do that job.
Artie said he had one for Robin to joke about her broken wrist being in a cast for 4 weeks and how Joan's face had been in a cast for 30 years. George told Artie that he should have done the roast. Artie said he was offered a shot at doing it but he had another gig in St. Louis and he wanted to be there for Howard's show on Monday morning because he knows that's where he should be.
Artie told some more of his jokes and had the guys laughing. Artie said he had some Suzanne Somers jokes but she didn't even show up to the roast. He told some of those. He told some more plastic surgery jokes about Joan.
Artie had some jokes about Jeff Ross and Greg Giraldo. Robin said she got to use some of them but she had a set script she had to stick to. Robin said that she found that everyone was going down the same road and there were a lot of redundancies. She said they were all the same jokes just written differently.
Artie read some other jokes about Joan that he had written for Robin to tell. He said he was sorry about that because half of what he wrote was about Melissa. He said it's not natural when you make the people stick with a script like that.
Howard asked Robin how much time she spent telling her jokes. Robin said it was just a couple of minutes. She said it might end up being 5 minutes. Robin said that Joan took it all very well but she wasn't laughing at the Melissa jokes that did make it through.
Howard said he knows that Joan has said some horrible things about people's daughters and she won't let anyone joke about her own.
Artie said he doesn't like Joan Rivers. He said that she's one of those guests, like Shatner, who treats the rest of the guys there like they don't exist. He said that she's a star fucker and a phony to him. He said that for her to agree to be roasted, she should see that her daughter is a celebrity too and she shouldn't make her off limits. Howard said he agrees with the part about Melissa.
Robin said that Gilbert did some material about her molestation. She said that he was brutal with her talking about how she's always talking about her molestation.
Artie said that they made them stay away from the Shatner wife jokes at the Shatner roast. He said that they told him that even if his jokes killed they were going to be edited out.
Robin said that Joan even hit her with the molestation jokes during the roast. Artie said that's great, she won't let her do the Melissa jokes but she was doing the Molestation jokes.
Artie said that they've begged him to get Howard to be roasted. Howard said he would never ban any jokes at a roast but he also doesn't want to do the roast thing because he would get up and punch someone if he had people joking about some things.
Howard said he will be roasted on this show before they end things there. He said that he will have to do that before they end their run there. He said he roasted all of the other people there so he'll have to do it himself. He said they may take the show to some special place to do that roast.
Howard said it sounds like Robin was happy she did this. Robin said she had a lot of fun doing that roast. Howard said it can be rough to do those things when you're not a stand-up comic. Robin said she had some support from the other guys there so it wasn't bad at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is so full of shit about the reason she had her hair up. He said that he's sick of Robin telling a story like that. Robin said that she was ready to go to the event and she was picked up late. Robin said that she had her hair and make up done at the event and she was late getting there so that's why she didn't have time to do that.
The caller was also saying that Artie is kissing Robin's ass talking about how she was the biggest guest there. The guy said that Carl Reiner is bigger than her. Artie agreed with that but said that Kathy Griffin isn't bigger than her. The caller thought Kathy was bigger.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if George was there because he couldn't hear him over Artie talking so much. Howard hung up on her. Artie said that they were commenting on the roast. Artie said that's funny, Mariann is complaining about someone who has a big mouth.
Gary said he got a call from Angry Black one day and it sounded like he has some health issues. Angry said that he has some hypertension and he went to the doctor over some chest pains. Angry said he was told to calm down. He went to the doctor and he was told it was just stress. Angry said he thought he was having a heart attack so just in case he was going to check out, he wanted to let them know.
Gary said he thought the guy was dying when he heard this stuff. Angry said his father died at 51 so he's afraid that he could go early too.
Angry said that he was told to calm down and take it easy so he has been doing that and he's feeling good. He mentioned he had some lawyers telling him to calm down. Howard asked why he has lawyers. Angry said that you always need a lawyer.
Angry talked about how he had some issues in his life and had pushed a woman off of him who was attacking him. He said that Steve Langford had done a report over that and he had the story wrong. Angry said that he was wrong for raising his hand to a woman and he had apologized to her and went to court over that. He said it was an overreaction on his part. He said that Langford showed up at court and asked him about what was going on. Angry said that's part of what led to him having the pain in his chest.
Angry asked George about working with John Wayne in ''Green Berets.'' George said that he's the same in front of the camera as he is behind the camera. George said that John was directing the film and he was very good with all of the actors except for one big stand-in. He said that he had picked the guy, who was about 6'9'' tall and berated him mercilessly for no discernible reason. Howard said he's seen stuff like that with other stars. He said that he may have been trying to show that he was the boss there. George said he didn't understand it at all at the time.
Angry Black told Howard that the next time they go on vacation he should do a special where they play clips of him doing his parent's voices. He said they could do just one day and that would be plenty. Howard said he'd keep that in mind. He let Angry go and had George read an announce as they went to break. George ended up going on a tangent instead of sticking to the script. George later said that he was trying to make it more interesting. Howard asked him to do another one since he didn't stick to the script that time. This time George stuck to the script and did a quick one about Sal's penis. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and brought up a story about Sarah Palin being at it again. He said he's not sure why people are defending this woman for backing down from being Governor. Howard said that Governor Schwarzenegger isn't stepping down even though things are a mess out in California. Howard said they're making it seem that Palin is a hero for stepping down. He said she's blaming the media but she's making these claims to the media.
Howard said that this reminds him of Spiro Agnew. He said that Palin is making a joke out of this whole thing. He said that she's a quitter and no one can argue with that. Robin said there are plenty of people arguing that. Howard said she's a quitter to him.
Howard played some audio of her at a press conference talking about how why she was stepping down. Howard said that this Sarah Palin is so out of it that she wasn't able to answer simple questions when she was interviewed by Katie Couric.
In the audio clip Palin was talking about how important democracy is and how the media should stop making things up in honor of the soldiers fighting in the Middle East. George said that she should honor them by not stepping down.
Palin was saying that the media should leave the new governor's kids alone. Howard said she used her kids as a beam of light and tried to make her daughter a hero for having a baby out of wedlock. He said that she's a hypocrite and a quitter and he's glad she's gone.
Howard played more audio of Palin talking about why she stepped down. She was going on and on about this stuff and Howard said it all sounded like psycho-babble to him. He said that she was trying to blame Hollywood for all of this and it almost sounds like Hitler calling the people to arms.
Howard said that reporters are hard working people too. Robin said that if they're making up lies then she should be suing them. Howard agreed and said that there are laws about that stuff.
Howard played more audio where Palin explained her ''charting a new course'' in her life. Howard said he calls that quitting. Howard said she thinks she's going to do more outside of that job and that's just not going to happen.
Howard said he quit from running for Governor of New York. He said he admits he was a quitter. Artie said that Howard had said he wanted to bring back the death penalty and use the remains of the people they put to death to fill potholes around the state. Howard said he was going to do something about the Jones Beach tolls too. Howard talked about how awful the tolls make things for people. He said that the beach toll was ridiculous because it was 25 cents and it was tying up traffic for 2 hours. Howard said they used to have a 10 cent toll on a highway when he was growing up and they always made people just sit there for hours.
Howard said that Governor Schwarzenegger is sticking with his job even though California is a mess. George said he doesn't agree with a lot of what Schwarzenegger does but he does like that he's sticking to it.
Howard said he likes when his doctor shows up wearing his white lab coat. He said it makes him seem professional and official. If he showed up in his street clothes then it's not right. Robin said she thinks that they want them to wear scrubs. Howard said that's not what they want. Howard said he doesn't want his doctor showing up in a Star Trek outfit. George said there are actually people who are doing that. He knew of some dentists like that.
Howard is all for the white lab coat. George said that he is too. Howard said that the next thing you know, they're going to have doctors showing up in a Nazi outfit. Howard said he was reading that there are no more germs on a lab coat than on anything else. George said he has a periodontist who wears the white lab coat. Howard said there are nuns out there not wearing the habit now too. He said he thinks that they should be wearing them because it gives them a certain respect. The same thing goes with priests.
Howard said because he was on the air yelling about Jay not calling him and just robbing a staff member from his show without a call. Howard said they just had to have John over there but then it seemed John was on the outs with Jay.
Howard said the new change that they're making is taking John off and making him a writer. Now it's going to be the same job for Jay but John is no longer an announcer.
Robin said that some people have been wondering what kind of pay cut John may have had to take. Howard said that when you're the announcer he probably got to park next to Jay. Now he probably has to take the bus in from wherever he parks.
Artie said that there are probably some writers that are so good they make more than other guys on the show. Artie said that the other guys are probably paid very well too but John has probably taken a pay cut to do that job. He said he certainly doesn't have that parking lot. Robin said that John has been writing a long time so he certainly can't be ''entry level.''
Howard said this is just a way to get rid of John on the show. Artie asked if they hired a new guy to do the announcing. Howard said he would assume so. He said that someone has to hold up a coffee cup to Jay. Howard said the new announcer will probably interact with Jay more than John ever did. Artie said they'll probably get a guy who does characters or something. Howard said they may have a professional announcer they can use to do bits and stuff.
Howard said that Beth used to be on Letterman and she used to be on the arm of the red headed announcer over there. He wasn't sure if that guy was still there but Artie told him he was. Artie said he thinks that this is a demotion for John and they didn't use him the right way over there.
Howard said he was looking for Gange the other day and couldn't find him. Now he knows what he was up to. He was taking pictures of himself for Facebook.
Howard said that he was thinking about this Sonia Sotomayor becoming a Supreme Court Judge. He said that this affirmative action thing has really balanced out America. He said that not everyone gets the breaks in life and this is showing that Affirmative Action is working.
Howard said that Nixon started a lot of this and because of that there are guys getting shots at becoming successful. George said that diversity makes America stronger.
Howard said he heard that Scott DePace has started working with a dog trainer and things aren't going so great. Howard said he heard that Scott has been throwing a bean bag at the dog now. Scott said that you throw it on the ground to scare the dog. Scott said the dog picked it up and ran around with it. Scott said that the trainer hit the dog in the feet with this bad and it has chains in it. He said that the trainer said that positive reinforcement alone doesn't work.
Scott said the trainer has him growling at the dog now. He said it's not just barking like Howard told him to. Scott said that it's all about dominance and he has to do things in a different way now. Scott said that the negative reinforcement isn't a bad thing. He said that the trainer told him that it's best not to hit the dog because he's seen some negative relationships with animals.
Howard said he heard that Scott is against Affirmative Action. Scott said that's not true. He said that it should run its course eventually and end. He said if he were black he wouldn't want doors opened for him that way. Howard said it's about being poor, not just black.
Howard and Scott went back and forth about George W. Bush going to Yale because of who he was, not because of his grades or how smart he was. Scott said he doesn't think it had anything to do with his family giving money to the school. Howard said it absolutely did.
Howard and Scott were going back and forth on that stuff and Robin was saying that any brilliant kid can get into school. Howard and Robin were saying that they don't get into the really good schools if they don't have the money. Scott said they can go to Glassboro State like he did and they'd be fine.
Howard said he got to go to college because his father had some money. He didn't get great grades. Scott said that maybe they should do things differently with the schools then. Robin said that there have been locked doors for people over the years and there were times when the color of your skin kept you out and they still come into play these days.
A caller said that all of the guys are full of shit. He said that Howard is assuming that everyone is racist. He said that just because someone is white doesn't mean they're going to get the job. Howard said that's not what he's saying and he's just explaining how things work in this country.
Howard talked about how his father worked hard to get his own business running and how he did okay in life. Howard said he was never handed a break. He thinks that his father could have been a judge or a lawyer if he had been offered the chance in an Affirmative Action type of thing. He said that they're talking about being generous and gracious to these people.
Ralph called in and said that they're changing the definition of Affirmative Action because it has nothing to do with white males. Howard said that white people do get breaks too even without the Affirmative Action. Ralph said that if there are two people in a room, a white and a black guy, and they're equals all across the board, he doesn't understand why the black guy should get the job.
Howard said he remembers a time when they would put ''No Jews Need Apply'' in a job ad when his father was looking at the papers. He said that if they could have fixed it back then they could have included some of those people in the mix. He said that it wouldn't have been so horrible to do something like that. Scott asked when you get rid of that though. Howard said you do that when all of the injustices in this world are gone.
Robin said that she's hurt by what Ralph is saying because it sounds like he's upset that something has been taken away from him. Ralph told her not to play it up like it's something it's not.
Howard said that it's only been 40 years since segregation has been stopped. He said it's not that long. Scott said he was denied a small business loan because of what he is. Howard said he was rejected because his invention sucks and that stupid golf thing he has is useless. Scott said it's called the Video Caddy.
Howard wondered if Daniel would be embarrassed by that. Robin said of course he would. She said that he's said that he would disown his kids if they did something like that.
Gary got Daniel on the phone so Howard picked up on him. Howard asked Daniel how things were going with him. Daniel said that things are good. He said that they're so good he can't stand it. He said that the President is doing a good job too. He said that's great that he's getting involved in that case of the black professor who was arrested. Howard agreed that was kind of ridiculous that he got involved in that.
Howard told Daniel why they were calling. Howard said no one believes it's true but this guy claims that he's the grandfather of a bi-racial child. Daniel laughed and said that is not true.
Howard played the voice mail for Daniel where the guy claims he heard from some woman about this grandchild. Daniel laughed when he heard that. Howard said he knows that Daniel's son is just as racist as he is. Daniel said that all of his grandchildren and great grandchildren are white.
Daniel has two sons and two daughters. He claims that they never had a relationship with a black man or woman. Howard asked why he thinks that rumor is out there. Daniel said he couldn't deal with it if it was true. He said that he'd kill himself if that was true. Artie said that was a shame. Daniel told him that he should go kill himself if he thinks that's a shame.
Howard asked Daniel if he ever discussed that stuff with his kids. He said he never had to do that. They knew better right from the time they were born. He said that they may not be all that bright but they know better than to run around with one of them N-words.
Howard said that they'll let Daniel off the hook. He said that Daniel has had some celebrity so that might be why people are slandering him like this. Howard asked Daniel if he ever saw this movie ''Daddy's Worst nightmare.'' Daniel told him that he doesn't watch porno. Howard told him he has to see this one. He played some of the audio from the movie where this black guy is making this white chick take his dick and she's talking about how awful her father would be if he knew what she was doing. Daniel said that the Jews are all behind this porn. He said they're the ones pushing it.
Artie asked Daniel about him saying that the Jews are the devil. He said that his son seemed to think the same thing. Artie said that Daniel and his son, and his wife, were all very eager to have Howard come down and stay with them. He asked why he would do that. Daniel said that Howard ain't no Jew. Daniel said if he was a real Jew, he wouldn't be so nice to him. Daniel said that he would never bring no harm to Howard. He said he knows he's not a Jew.
Daniel said that Howard isn't a Jew and he only said that in his movie to make some more money. Robin asked Daniel if he's seen Howard's parents. Daniel said he had. That didn't clue him into the fact that Howard is full Jew though.
Artie said they know that Daniel has a bi-racial grandchild and the kid's name is Darnell Carver. Daniel laughed at that. Howard had to wrap up and let Daniel go a short time later. They continued to goof on Daniel for a few seconds before going to break.
Howard came back and said that they have a new Interview with a Porn Star coming up tonight on Howard 101. Howard had some clips to play from that show where Richard Christy interviews Tori Lane about anal sex. She was saying she can come better with her butt than she can with her pussy.
Howard had another clip from the show where Richard asked Tori about different objects she's used. She gave Richard some details about using a spatula. Howard wondered if George could take that up his ass. Artie said he heard that he used a ladle.
George said that Artie was eating a lot this morning. He said he was impressed earlier when he was eating fruit but now he had a pile of pancakes glistening with syrup on it. Artie said they are healthy pancakes and the syrup is sugar free. He said the juice he's drinking is 15 calories and from Energy Kitchen. Artie said that whatever he's doing is working so... whatever. He said that he's going to a shrink 3 times a week and he's feeling good about that and about playing basketball in the afternoons. He said he deserves some pancakes once in a while. That led to them playing the ''Artie Loves Pancakes'' song parody.
Howard said he heard that Artie had eggs, bacon and toast earlier. Artie said that was breakfast. This is lunch he was eating. Artie said he's eating much healthier than he was and he's only eating up until 6 o'clock at night. He said that he goes to the shrink and he's not eating there either.
George said that Artie is showing the dedication to lose weight and become attractive and that was making him seem a little gay. Artie said that he's losing weight to look good for broads.
Howard said he wants to get a hold of that tape of Chuck crying. Artie said he's not going to comment on that clip. He said if he were Canada, he'd move to Canada to hide from Zito.
Steve had a quick update about Miss Howard Stern who is still recovering from her horrible car crash. She's apparently wearing a wig to cover up a horrible scar she got in the accident. Howard said that they're in discussion to have her sister take over her duties as Miss Howard Stern. Howard said she will come in and meet with some people like Donald Trump and Regis among other people. Robin said that Andrea never even got to do that stuff. Howard shushed Robin about that. Howard said that there is still an acting Miss Howard Stern and Andrea will have to transition the power back to her once she's recovered.
Steve said that Ronnie the Limo Driver has been getting prank calls from Sour Shoes and Ronnie has threatened to pay a visit to him if he doesn't stop. Howard said he heard about that. Shuli covered the story for the news department. Howard said he'd play it if they give it to him.
Steve wrapped up his news preview with some plugs for the shows they have on Howard 101 tonight. Jon Hein came in and ran down his Wrap Up Show subjects. He mentioned some of the stuff George had spoken about today and that got them into the Star Trek convention talk again. Howard also told Robin about how he wanted to get George and William Shatner together for a TV special. Robin said she heard that on her way in this morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked George about ''Don't Mess With the Zohan'' and if he had worked with Adam Sandler. George said that he had a cameo in the movie and he had flown out to film it in the middle of the night. He said that's why he looked so blotto in the movie but that's what he was supposed to look like.
George mentioned that Adam Sandler was a new movie out called ''Funny People.'' Howard said that they're going to see ''Funny People'' today. Howard said he hopes it's good.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave Chuck Zito a ''boo hoo'' about not being able to get into Canada. The guy said that he's a big tough biker guy and he's not worried about saying that to him. Howard said that this guy is a tough guy on the phone but he wouldn't say that to his face. The guy said that Zito plays up this Hell's Angels thing and that's great and all but he doesn't thinks he's that tough. Howard said he can set up a meeting with him. The caller wasn't interested in that though.
Another caller said he hated the new Star Trek movie. Howard told the guy he thinks that was one of the best movies of the year and they were able to recreate the whole thing and make something special out of it. That led to Howard talking about how awful the final 3 Star Wars movies were. He said that they were story less and they were just horrible. Howard said that they made 3 movies that were a waste of time. The caller disagreed on that too. Howard said that he and the caller were on opposite sides and they would never even get close to agreeing on that stuff.
Jon Hein went through the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview. He went through a couple more subjects he had lined up. That led to them talking about Robin's trip to the Joan Rivers roast for a short time. They also spent a minute talking about the Stuttering John story and Fred did his impression of him for a minute.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks that fans would want to go see a Star Wars concert where they play music from the movies. Howard said no one wants to see that. George said he has narrated some things for concerts like that for Star Trek and they are very well attended. Howard said George sure is busy. He's constantly working. George said he gets a lot of work and he does about 4 gigs a month.
Howard said George is working on a musical about a Japanese American internment camp. George said he is working on that and it will be opening in 2011. He said that they tested it out on an audience even though the script isn't done yet. The play is going to be a musical and Howard said he was sorry he wasn't at that reading. He would have loved to have seen that. George said it's not done yet so it's best that he didn't.
Howard made up some songs for the play where he sang about seeing the barbed wire in his life and being raped by the guards in the shower and things like that. George joined in and sang along with him. He helped Howard come up with some more stuff for the play they were making up.
Ralph called in and told Howard that wasn't a bad song he had just made up. Howard thanked him for that. Ralph said he really enjoyed it.
Ralph said that Scarlet Johansson is in Iron Man 2 and that's going to be great. Ralph also said that he took pictures out at the Tonight Show and it was Jay Leno, Kevin Eubanks and then John's space. He said John was right up there with Jay and Kevin. Howard said that has to be gone now.
Howard said he likes that they moved the show to an hour earlier and the only change is that they got rid of John. Ralph said that's probably the whole reason they moved, just to get rid of John.
Robin read more about the Star Wars concert stuff. That got Howard into his Darth Nihilus and Robin got into her Gamorrean guard impression for a few seconds.
Robin read about the Octomom, Nadia Suleman, who has been working to get her kids into a reality show and each kid would be getting $250,000 a year for 3 years for doing the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard had claimed that he had signed 25,000 books in 9 hours when he was talking about that earlier. Howard said he's not sure exactly how many hours it was but that's how many he signed. Artie said that one of the guys that works with him said that it was 9 hours. Howard said it was something like 25,000 people and he's not sure exactly how it worked out. The guy said that's 40 books a minute. Howard said they had it like a conveyor belt and they had the books opened and ready for him to sign. Howard said he would sign it and just kept it going. He said he could have been doing 40 a minute but he felt good about it even though he was exhausted.
The caller asked Howard for his thoughts on what happened last week in Jersey where they busted some politicians and Rabbis. Howard said he didn't know that much about it. Robin told him some of the details and they spent a little more time talking about how a few people can ruin things like religion when they do stuff like that. That led to them talking about how some people can be taken advantage of so easily when they do stuff like that.
Artie said that they did uncover a lot of corruption in that bust. He said that they busted those Rabbis for taking money and not investing it into what they said they were. Artie said there are crooked people in everything and they were running charities.
Howard played a clip of a preacher on some show trying to heal a guy over the phone. He spoke in tongues and yelled at the guy and asked how he was feeling. The guy said he was feeling better after feeling awful for 3 months.
Gary said that one of the Rabbis was selling kidneys on the black market. He would buy a kidney for $10,000 and sell it for $160,000.
Robin read about how a new Batman will be coming out in 2011. Howard said he wanted to pick up the phone and try to heal someone.
Robin said that Hulk Hogan's divorce may be coming to an end. That has been going on for a while now and it's been a nasty divorce.
Robin said that Conan O'Brien's ratings have been suffering still. Howard said he loves Conan but he does love to see the whole thing falling apart. Howard said that Letterman is beating Conan but not by that much and Nightline is really the big winner. They're thriving while the late night shows are dying. Howard said the writers of those two shows really need to get in touch with that and make some changes. Howard said that people are watching the news over the entertainment shows. Robin said that Nightline is getting bigger ratings and they really are the big winners. She said that the Late Show ratings are only at a 2.4. Howard said they're crowing about that too. He said it may be the network bragging about it, not so much Dave.
Robin read some news about Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg about a year ago and how they're cracking down on that kind of thing. Howard said the guy shouldn't be walking around with a concealed weapon. Howard said that they have to have zero tolerance on that kind of thing.
Ralph called in and pointed out that Howard has more listeners than Letterman and O'Brien have watching their shows. Robin said that Tom Arnold was telling her how much more of a response he gets after doing the Stern Show than he does doing any other show. Ralph said they don't make a big deal out of what Howard is doing. Howard said they have always been jealous of him. He was going to explain who ''they'' were but Ralph interrupted with a dumb joke so Howard hung up on him and moved on. Robin said she got a huge ovation at the Joan Rivers roast last night so they are very well known.
Robin read a story about a woman who had decapitated her 3 week old baby. Robin said that she confessed to the killing and claimed that she was hearing voices when she did it.
Howard said that most mothers who stay at home with their kids will eventually go crazy. He said he thinks that's been proven. Artie said that his mother sure did.
Robin read about some people who were hurt during a wedding reception when someone pulled a gun and started shooting. She had some audio of some witnesses talking about what had gone on there.
Robin read some news about Professor Gates who was arrested for trying to break into his own house. He's been invited to the White House along with the arresting officer.
Yucko the Clown called in and asked what they think Stuttering John is being paid to write for Leno. Howard said he's probably being paid well but not as much as he was making. Artie figured it's around $250,000. He said that's probably less than he was making.
Yucko said he went to a party at John's house a couple of years ago and when he ran out of food he said he couldn't get more because he couldn't afford it. He said he hopes that things work out.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin's press conference where she blamed the media for her problems. She had Howard play some clips from that speech. They spent a few more minutes talking about her wacky comments.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about North Korea. She had Howard play a couple of clips of her talking about that and about what it would take for a woman to run for President.
Robin brought up Chastity Bono's sex change operation and that led to Howard asking George if he would put up with Brad wanting to do something like that. George said he would never do that and he's pretty sure about that. Howard asked him what he would do if he did though. George said he's into guys and Brad knows better than to do that. He said that if he loves him he wouldn't do that because he loves him ''intact.'' Howard said that George would probably leave him if he gained 9 pounds. George said he actually has asked him to take off a few pounds because he has gained a few over the years. George said he has gotten to know more of Brad and there is more to know. Howard said that Brad is almost as chunky as William Shatner is. George said ''Oh no!'' He's not that big.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson's death and they're saying that he was already dead when they got there and paramedics didn't even recognize him when they showed up. They thought it was a frail old man.
Robin read about the French President having some health issues. She said that he's in the hospital after collapsing.
Ralph called in and said that he heard that George introduces Brad as his ''fat boyfriend.'' He heard that from Sam Simon. George said he introduces him as his beloved husband now. Howard said it sounds like he's not too happy about the weight he's put on.
Robin read about how Orlando Bloom is saying he may not be coming back for another ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' because he wants to spend more time with his hot girlfriend. Robin said they may actually cut him from the movie because of budget. She said that the model he's dating is a Victoria's Secret model.
Robin read that ''G Force'' has knocked off ''Harry Potter'' from the number one spot at the box office. She also said that they have a new show on FOX called ''More to Love'' where the women will not be losing weight. The guy on the show will be looking for women who are heavy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has an iPhone but Howard is missing from the Sirius XM app. Howard said he's already explained that and it's a contractual thing. The guy said he was hoping to get him. Howard said it may happen some day. All Howard would say is ''it's contractual.'' The caller was okay with that. Howard said that's a lame answer but it worked. He had to end the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Jon said that when Howard was singing the musical songs George joined right in. He said that was great too. Gary said he's moving to New York too so that should be great for the show.
Benjy said that sometimes George will just start talking to you as if the show isn't going on. He said that he'll talk to Artie about something and there will be a side conversation going on. He said it shows how George is just an innocent there.
Jon asked Gary about Howard talking about getting Shatner and Takei together to do an interview. Gary said he thinks that Shatner is a genius and he might be doing what he's doing just to annoy George.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard hosting that show with Shatner and George would be great. They spent a minute on that and talked more about how great George fits in on the show. Gary said that if he was on every week it might not mean as much but he thinks they space it out very well.
Jon brought up the Star Trek convention discussions and asked Gary if he was surprised that 10,000 people show up to those things. Gary said he thinks that they may have been bigger a few years ago and maybe more showed up back then. The show was on 40-some years ago and there are still a lot of fans out there.
Benjy said that he was talking to George during a break and told him that he loved the scene in the new movie where he jumped out of the ship but it wasn't actually George. Jon said there was a guy who said that the movie was great and George actually said ''thank you'' even though he had nothing to do with the new movie. George must feel he's a part of that because he was there for the beginning of the TV show and some of the early movies.
Ralph called in and said that Trekkies are like midgets in the way that they want to be called Trekkers now. He said that they'll always be Trekkies.
Ralph said that all of the new Star Wars movies that have come out lately are lame and kind of suck. Gary said he saw one of the newer ones and thought it wasn't too bad. That was ''Revenge of the Sith.'' Ralph said that no one needs to know how Darth Vader became Darth Vader. He said that they could have boiled down all three of the new movies into just one. He said they didn't need to stretch it out to 3. Jason thought the second one was the most boring of them all. Ralph said he liked the second one better than the first but even that wasn't all that great.
Jason said that George Lucas had no mojo for the new movies. Ralph said they had too much stuff flying at you in the new ones and he did better when he had no money.
Jon asked Ralph what he thinks about George being on the show and why he fits in. Ralph said all of the stuff they were talking about earlier was what he was thinking. Ralph wondered if he was going to be on too much if he moves out to New York. Gary said he was thinking about that too but they only have him budgeted for four times a year now. Jason said he was talking to George and he's only going to be out there for the spring and fall so he doesn't think he'll be on too much.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ralph is wrong about the Trekkies thing. He said there was a documentary about that. That led to the guys talking about the documentary and how they had one woman who showed up to a jury thing and she was wearing a Star Trek outfit and wanted to bring the Star Trek philosophy to the jury.
Gary found an article about the woman who was dressed up in the Star Trek outfit for her jury appearance. Gary said he may show up dressed as Mr. Met when he gets jury duty next time.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the show where Howard was talking about Robin never being with a black guy and George mistaking that discussion for Robin's vagina being too dark and maybe getting it bleached.
The guys talked about that mistake and how he sometimes just goes down some strange paths but they roll with it because they know that it's going to be entertaining.
Another caller said he was happy when he heard Howard say that Robin wasn't going to be there. He said that the last time she called out the show was great. Gary disagreed and said that maybe the show just sounded interesting to him that day because it was something different. Benjy jokingly said that they all secretly call it the best show ever when Robin wasn't there that day. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that more people probably hear about the roast there than actually watch the roast. Jon asked the guys if they think Robin was the biggest name there. Gary said that Carl Reiner is a big name but he's an older guy so maybe he's wrong about that.
Jason said he was shocked at the guest list. He said there was really no one there. He said that Jeffry Ross and Greg Giraldo were the biggest names there and they're the guys who do their roasts. He asked if Jim Florentine and Mike Morse were there too.
The guys said that there were some others like Kathy Griffin who are pretty big too. Gary said that some of the bigger people may stay away because they have to give up some big jokes to Comedy Central to air over and over again.
Gary said that the roasts that they do there may go down in history because they can't edit them when they're running them live.
Jon asked if they think that it was okay for Joan to make jokes about Melissa off limits. The guys weren't sure who came up with that rule and maybe it wasn't even Joan who banned the jokes. Jon said they could have just cut those jokes out in post production too and could have let the comedians tell those jokes.
Jason said he wasn't surprised about that ban because Joan just can't take any criticism about her daughter. He said that's been proven before.
Gary asked who could have been at the roast that weren't there. They threw out a bunch of names of people she came up with and worked with over the years. None of them were there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he disagrees with the other callers about Robin. He said that he thinks that Robin is good on the show and just doesn't get it. His phone was cutting out so they had to let him go. Gary said that the Robin backlash is a pretty new thing and it's just started since they got there to SIRIUS. Gary said that the show works for a specific reason and Robin is part of that.
The guys were talking about Robin talking about the tittie fucking thing during the show and that led to the guys wondering if you have to ask to do that with her. They were also talking about anal and how you have to kind of work into that kind of thing.
Jason mentioned how you can have a tittie fuck standing up and Benjy wasn't sure how that would work. Jason was going to demonstrate that on him but Jon moved on.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked about why that guy Pig Virus was named Pig Vomit in Howard's movie. Gary said there were some legalities involved in that. He said that they had a band called Pig Vomit and the guy at WNBC was Pig Virus. They had to change it for the movie for some reason so that's why the name is one or the other.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was turned down for two promotions because he's white. He said that he's in the Marine corps and they take a score that everyone has and they use that the rank guys. He said that if you are black you get extra points. he said that he didn't get those extra points so the guys who were black in his group got promoted.
Gary said there are flaws in every system and he doesn't agree with what happened to him. Jason was going to respond to the guy too but Jon had already hung up on him.
The guys spent some time talking about Ricky Henderson's speech. Gary talked about the story he heard about him not cashing his million dollar check. There were some other stories about him that he had heard where he misunderstood things that he was told.
Gary asked if Artie talked about what Ricky did where he grabbed a base and lifted it up out of the ground and said that he was the greatest in the world. He had broken a record for base stealing or something. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show mentioning that George Takei was there for the whole week. George said it was great to be there. Howard said someone sent him the raw tape of Robin at the Joan Rivers Roast. He said he enjoyed the jokes but he's wondering if he should play it or not. Howard said they told him he can play it. Robin said maybe he should then.
Howard said Robin's hair was up in the roast. Today it's half up and half down. Robin said she was rushed for the roast and didn't have time to fiddle with it to get it right so she did it the easiest way on the Roast.
George was laughing at that. He said she has a lock of hair falling over her eye today. Robin said that's the way she does it every day. Howard said her hair is always ''active.''
Robin kept saying that she was rushed at the roast so she wasn't able to get her hair right. She said she was picked up late for the event and she didn't have time. She said her call time was 5 o'clock and that's the time her car picked her up.
George was watching Robin and said that she's constantly moving her head and moving her hair out of the way. Robin said that doesn't bother her. George said the might have a little strand coming down but not covering his eye. He said she's constantly flipping it out of the way.
Howard asked why she keeps that one strand there. Robin said her headphones keep it in the way. George said she could use the headphones to keep it back. Robin said she likes the look. She doesn't want to hold it back. Howard said this is like a Jennifer Aniston hairdo that you always have to mess with.
Howard asked Robin if the hair gets annoying. She said it wasn't annoying but then she flipped it out of the way once again. Howard and George were watching her every move with that one strand of hair. Howard said she could keep it out of the way but she doesn't seem to be annoyed by it. Robin said she likes it.
Howard asked if she could get brain damage from shaking her head constantly. Robin laughed. She adjusted her headphones and got two strands of hair hanging down. She blamed Howard for that.
George said he was out at a restaurant yesterday and the waiter had a Mohawk that was about 6 inches tall. He said it was fascinating. He said Robin's is fascinating too.
Howard said Robin is going to keep her hair the way it is. Robin said she missed those things yesterday. Howard asked if she would ever do the Erica Badu thing. Robin said that dreads are permanent and she would have to shave her heed to get rid of them. She said that the deadlocks are locked so you can't unlock them. Howard didn't realize that until she explained it to him.
Howard asked how the new hair grows in if they're locked. Robin said she has to have them re-twisted when it grows in.
Howard said he's worried about that one strand that goes in her eye. He said her hair is like a Rubik's Cube the way it works.
Howard said that he gets his hair done before going on Letterman and shows like that. He asked Robin if her hair not being done had any effect on her performance. Robin said it didn't.
Howard said he laughed at Robin's performance at the roast. He said he found it to be a triumphant performance.
Howard was wondering if he should play the raw tape or not today. He said that she repeated one joke in the clip. Robin said that she did do one line over again so maybe that's what he's thinking about. Howard said Robin got loud applause so the people liked her. Kathy Griffin had said that she had no fans at all but she got quite an applause from the crowd.
Howard asked Robin if they had the ability to CGI in the dreads since her hair wasn't done. Robin said she wouldn't want that but they could fix anything. Howard said they could have that hair flying her around like a helicopter if they used CGI.
Howard was going to play a clip from the roast. He said that he could never do that kind of thing himself. In the clip Kathy Griffin introduced her and was joking about how she road in on coat tails and that she has no fans.
Howard asked Robin if she cared what Kathy was saying about her at the roast. Robin said that it doesn't bother her at all and these people mean nothing to her. She laughed and said she was just kidding but she knew that they were doing a roast. Robin knows that they have to say something and they can't be nice. Robin knows that they're going to talk about her being black, working on the Howard Stern Show, a woman who has gained and lost weight, big breasts and more.
Howard said that wasn't his question. He said he gets the process but sitting there and getting hit with barbs for an hour, didn't it get to her. Robin said it really didn't get to her at all. She said that they did a roast in the studio there and she wasn't bothered by what people said there either. She doesn't have that issue.
Robin said she thought it was great when Gilbert joked about her ripping the face off that woman in Connecticut. Howard said that was basically calling a black woman a chimp. He said it's 2009 and that's a little crazy to compare Robin to a chimp. Robin said she doesn't feel bad about being black so that doesn't bother her.
Howard said that someone said that Robin's body looked like a mud slide. That was Joan Rivers who said that. Howard said Sam Simon was at the roast and sent him a note about that. He tried to find that but he didn't think that Jason printed it out even though he had forwarded it to him.
Jason said that he has no note from Sam Simon. Jason said he only got one note from Howard last night and it wasn't the Sam Simon thing. He said it was about a George Takei song. Howard played that instead since he didn't have the Sam Simon note.
The George Takei song was edited clips of him singing ''Hello There, This is George Takei'' to the tune of ''Georgie Girl.'' George got a laugh out of that.
Richard said that they're always together and they just go in and pee together. He said there's no reason other than that.
Howard said he knows they've become close but he wants to know how far that's going. Richard said they've become very close and they enjoy going to the bathroom together. Richard said they whip out their cocks and pee together. Richard said Sal sprayed on his ankle the other day because it sprays all over with that pouch Sal has.
George said it seems that this is going to go somewhere if they keep this up. Richard said they see each other's cocks but they don't do anything.
Robin said she heard that Richard was handling his penis during the Cockyoke segment. Howard said that's up on Howard TV now.
George said there is definitely something there other than just a friendship. Richard said they just spend a lot of time together and they just do everything together. Howard asked if they ever have a hard time peeing in front of each other. Richard said that's never happened. Howard asked if Sal has ever taped out the drops for him. Richard laughed and said that hasn't happened either but they'll make sure the cameras are there if they do.
The Howard TV guys had some video of the two of them setting up the microphone for the Cockyoke segment and they were both touching Sal's penis to do it. Howard told them to cut it off. He had seen enough.
Richard asked George if he wanted to sing Cockyoke this week. He had to explain to him what it was. George laughed when he heard what it was. He didn't think he wanted to sing into it.
Howard said there must be something going on with Richard and Sal. He said it's very strange that they do this stuff. He said that they've got a very intimate relationship and it's odd that he wants to be so involved with Sal's penis. Richard said they just enjoy being together and it's got nothing to do with the penis. Robin said this sounds like the same conversation that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal had in ''Brokeback Mountain''
Howard said that her answer was very good but he's pretty sure that if it was an ugly chick who had answered, he would have had a problem with it. Howard said she's the reining Miss Universe so they were going to say hello to her today. He said she's bigger than all of the Miss America or Miss USA women. He said that the Universe is much bigger than all of those.
Howard said he doesn't believe that there is life on other planets. He said he thinks that this is a one shot deal and we are the only ones. George said that there are many manifestations of life. Howard said there is no life except on Earth. George said there could be some kind of other life around the universe. He said it's the arrogance of Man to think that we are the only life. Howard said he doesn't believe there is.
Howard said he thinks that George has been on Star Trek too much and that's why he believes there is life out there. Robin said she was listening to them discussing William Shatner yesterday and it did sound funny the way George was talking about being on Star Trek and how Bill wasn't letting him get the promotion that was written into the script.
Howard said it would be so great if he could get Bill and George together for an interview. He said he would like to ask Bill if it was true he didn't want George to get that promotion.
Howard said he can imagine what Bill would be saying in an interview about that episode where he kept George from getting promoted. He did an impression of him talking about that and goofed on both Bill and George.
George said that he initiates sometimes and it just doesn't happen. Howard said he gets that from Beth once in a while too and he feels rejected. George said he gets the same feeling but it happens so often that he just gets over it and moves on. George still masturbates in the shower and has sex that one day a week.
Howard asked George if he is sexually frustrated. George said that he's sexually interested in other things and if he sees another man he likes, he and Brad end up having some fun together. Howard asked George what he can do without getting in trouble. George said he touched that one guy's penis and got in trouble over that. Artie said he should get mad about that.
Artie asked if he got upset about him blowing the guy. Howard said George just squeezed that guy and didn't blow him like Artie was joking about.
Howard asked George if it bothers Brad that he wants it more than once a week. Howard thinks it's disrespectful to him. George said that they respect each other but he had never thought about using that sex thing as a respect thing on Brad's part. Robin said it is something that needs to be discussed but it seems that Brad is the one who doles it out.
Howard said that George needs him to get through some of this stuff. He said he was the one that suggested they have a pre-nup since George wasn't going to do it. Howard said he can't do this stuff in his own life though.
Howard said he likes to do some things sexually that Beth doesn't like. He said it took a while for him to get over that. He said he sat Beth down and spoke to her about it and she heard him, but never did the things he told her about. Howard said he's happy sexually but he has to remember that she's not going to like everything that he likes. He said they have enough to keep them both happy though.
Howard said having sex just once a week isn't enough for him and he could never put up with that. George said that Howard has brought that stuff up in their relationship and has helped.
George said that Brad has stopped running too. He said he used to be a great marathon runner but he has stopped running completely. Howard said that George likes to wrestle and he likes a fit body. George said that he still likes to wrestle. Howard asked if he's upset that he's not in shape like he used to be. George said he does miss some of the muscles that used to be there.
Howard asked George about the wrestling and if Brad is already nude when they start. George said he takes a shower first and comes out dried off and ''sans clothes.'' He said they'll embrace and they start throwing each other around on the bed and on the floor. He said that it becomes ''erotic sensual'' as they're doing it. George said they transition from that to pleasuring each other.
George said that they'll end up in a muscular embrace or maybe they'll start with a jumping on each other thing. He said that Brad will grab him and toss him around. He said that Brad is bigger than he is so he can throw him around. George said he might be more aggressive than Brad would be. Howard asked if his ass gets into Brad's face. George laughed and said lots of things happen.
George said that the way Artie is losing weight is making it seem that he might have Brad's type of body. That led to Howard playing the ''Brad's Big Balls'' song parody. Artie asked how they got him to do that. George said it was around Christmas time too.
The caller asked if they oil each other up when they do this. George said he's not oiled but he does have lotion on his body after the shower. Howard said they must be fully aroused and asked if they've ever gotten injured. George said that has never happened. He said they're constantly aware of what's going on and try not to hurt each other.
Howard played a porn clip that they had edited together with George Takei audio clips. Howard asked if there is any dirty talk during the wrestling. George said there would be some. Howard said he likes talking dirty to Beth but she doesn't like it. Howard said he used to say things to her and she'd shush him. He said that he wasn't even able to come up with anything to say because he's out of practice now.
George said that he tells Brad to tickle his tits and he will do it. George said that's one of his erogenous zones. George then realized he was saying this on the air and asked himself why he was saying it. Howard asked George how Brad tickles him. George said that he tickles him with his tongue. George said he tells him to be gentle with him. Artie asked if he could go into Robin's booth while this is going on.
Richard offered to be Brad to demonstrate the ticking thing. Richard wanted to demonstrate the wrestling thing too. George said that he has to be on good behavior because it will get back to Brad what he does on the show. He said he can't do the wrestling thing. Richard said he can be nude if he wants. George said of course he would want to be nude. Howard told Richard they weren't interested and let him go.
Howard played the ''I'm Dreaming Of A White Penis'' song parody and had George laughing again. After the song George said he may get a special one now.
Howard said people tell him to have a child and he would never do it. Johnny told him not to. He said he can't do it. Johnny said that he thinks that Al D'Amato should be killed for telling Howard to have a kid. He was just joking about that of course.
Johnny said that this little kid is wrecking him. He said that the kid goes from room to room and you can't stop him. He thinks that the 7 year old is the one to blame for that. Howard said that Johnny knows a lot of people out there and he will be doing some interviews. Johnny said he thinks that Eric is going to get jealous and he's going to be angry over it.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the line too so he asked him about that. They hadn't spoken to Eric in over a month. He asked Eric why that is. Eric said he was on vacation for starters. Howard asked him if he's always on vacation. Howard said if you're not working then you're always on vacation. Howard said vacation is a vacation from work. Eric doesn't work.
Eric said that his parents don't work either but they take vacation and take him along. Howard said it's not a vacation if you're not working. He said it's just a trip. Howard said it's a fact that you're not working then you don't take vacation. Howard said Eric just moved locations for a little while.
Howard told Eric that he was not on vacation, he was just on a trip. Howard asked Eric what his obligations are today. Howard said he's on vacation today under the definition of a vacation. Eric said he didn't know but he was still going to say he was on vacation. Howard said he should pick up on Eric every time and ask him how his vacation is going.
Robin said that Eric was on vacation from phone calls to the show. Howard asked Eric if he had some kind of epiphany about the show or something. Eric said ''Nooo'' to that. Howard thanked Eric and Johnny for calling in. He was going to let them go. Artie started to say goodbye to him as Eric was trying to tell them something.
Eric said that he was hoping to get rid of a respiratory problem he has but that didn't work so he may not be calling in too much. He said he will call in when he feels up to it though.
Eric said that Eric is stressed out and that's his problem. His doctor told him not to call in so much because he's being left on hold too much. Gary said that's what he told him in a voice mail. Gary asked Eric if he would get better if he never called in again. Eric said he would sleep more.
Howard played the voice mail that Eric left where he told Gary he was calling in and they had to get him on the air quickly because his doctor told him that he can't be staying on hold so much.
Howard said he thinks that Eric needs to get laid again. Gary said if he didn't overstay his welcome at the Bunny Ranch then maybe they'd let him come back. Gary said he overstayed his welcome there.
Howard asked Eric if he had anything else to add. Eric said that Gary was an idiot for saying what he said. Eric said that wasn't true but Johnny confirmed that it was true that he did overstay his welcome there. Johnny said that they did have some problems with Eric out there. Gary said that Eric had called the Bunny Ranch asking them to have a limo waiting for him. He said he gets why he would want that but he was making too many demands.
Howard let Eric and Johnny go after that. George asked what role Johnny plays in Eric's life. Howard told him about the web site Johnny has (JFSC.tv) and how Eric is part of that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and brought up Susanna Hoffs from the Bangles. Howard said she used to be hot and he's wondering if she's still hot. Howard said she's been missing the past few years abut she just put out a new album. He said that someone told him that he could probably get her in there now. He said he wanted her back when she was in The Bangles.
Howard said that Susanna hooked up with Matthew Sweet to do an album called ''Under The Covers: Vol. 2.'' Gary told Howard the hit song he had but Howard didn't recognize it the way Gary was singing it. Howard said they did cover versions of some 70s songs. He said he was thinking about having Susanna in but he doesn't really care about the music. That led to Artie and Robin singing ''Manic Monday'' together. Fred had already isolated George saying ''tickle my tits'' so he threw that clip in while they were talking about that.
Howard played some of the Susanna Hoffs music that he was talking about. They covered ''All The Young Dudes'' and it was this Matthew Sweet guy singing with Susanna in the background. Howard said he was thinking of her in that Egyptian outfit she wore in ''Walk like an Egyptian.''
Howard played another song and said he'd like for Susanna to come in and perform it naked on the Sybian. He said he'd like that. He remembers how hot she was in the videos she did.
Gary came in and said that Jon saw Susanna up there a couple of weeks ago and she looked phenomenal. Fred told Howard that she's 50 years old. Howard didn't believe that but Fred said she was born in 1959.
Gary told Howard to play some ''Maggie May'' because they did a great job on that one. Howard played that one and told Gary to call Susanna's publicist and ask if she'll come in and ride the Sybian while performing the song.
Howard said Susanna can come in and Matthew has to wait in the other room while she does her thing. Howard said Matthew doesn't have to come in at all, he can phone it in.
Howard asked if they had Dayana Mendoza there. Will said that she's the hottest chick they've ever had up there. He said she's like a Spanish version of Beth. Howard asked if she would stand in for Beth for a month while she's away. Howard said he heard that she doesn't like old guys hitting on her and she's not into guys over 40. Howard said he's over her limit.
Lisa said that Greg Cleva is pleased with his first training session with Scott DePace. He said that they did some training together with the dog, Cookie, and they used some bean bags filled with chains to get the dog's attention. Robin said that Scott is throwing the bags at the dog's feet. Howard said that's what the trainer told him to do.
Lisa also said that Sal and Richard aren't pleased with Dan the Song Parody Man because they have to keep sending him show files because his hard drives keep crashing. Lisa said that Dan got very agitated when they called him. She said that Dan told her there was no story there and he had given permission to record the interview even though he said he didn't. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said that there was some controversy over Dayana. He was about to get into that when he said that she's Miss Universe so she's the hottest chicken in the whole universe. He asked her why she doesn't just do modeling instead of entering pageants like this.
Dayana told Howard that she was thinking about her future and wanted to do some other things. She said that she made some money doing modeling already. Howard said she could make a couple hundred grand a year modeling. She said she could do that in a day if you're lucky.
Dayana said that she has a lot of things to do as Miss Universe. She said that she will have a job going around and speaking top people and helping them so she's happy about doing that. She said she will be getting a salary for doing that.
Howard asked Dayana about Hugo Chavez and if she hates the guy. She said that she doesn't have that feeling toward him.
Howard asked Dayana about going to beauty pageant school and what that was all about. Dayana said that her parents were big fanatics for pageants. She went to this school where they teach you English and how to walk, talk and everything. Howard said no one ever suggested that he attend beauty school or anything like that.
Howard asked how long school was. She said it was just a year. Dayana said that they kind of polish you on the inside at school.
Howard asked Dayana about being kidnapped at 19. She said that she's only 23 now but she was kidnapped at 19. Howard asked why she was kidnapped. She said that it happens in Venezuela if you're out after 8pm or so. She said that it was about money and things like that. She said that they take everything you have in the moment. She said that they let her go when they found out she had no money. She said she had $5 on her and they ended up giving her $10 to get a cab to get out of the neighborhood. They warned her that the neighborhood was very dangerous and let her go.
Howard asked how the kidnapped her. She said that they can follow you or get into your car or something. She said that she was out with her best friend and they were in their car and ended up being blocked in by these guys. The guys pulled them out of the car and one of the guys wanted to put them in the car with them. She said that it was her and this friend and they threw them into this car and told them not to look at them. She said there were guns and she was scared out of her mind. She said that she just went with it and figured if God wanted to kill her at that moment then she would accept it.
Howard said Dayana has a good attitude. Howard said he would still be peeing and making doody in his pants if that happened to him. She said that she almost went in her pants after they dropped her on the highway. Howard asked if she even makes doody. She said she goes 3 times a day. Howard figured it was hot coming out of her. She asked if he wanted to see it.
Howard asked how much she weighs. She said she's 56 kilos but she wasn't sure what that was in pounds. Howard figured it was 350 pounds but his math skills aren't too great. Gary told him it was 123 pounds. She's 5'10'' tall.
Howard said that is the right weight for her. Howard said that's what every woman should weigh at that height. Howard said that she's so good looking. He asked if she's had any work done. She said that she's done everything from her toes to her elbows. Howard said she doesn't even need to wipe fully because she's so hot. He said that even if she smelled he would still be with her. He said she could have remnants back there and he'd be fine with it. It might slow him down a little bit but not that much.
Howard asked Dayana about what she was wearing when she was kidnapped. She said that she was swearing a t-shirt and jeans. Howard asked her to tell the story like she was wearing a thong. She said she could do that.
Howard asked Dayana about when she was last with a man. She said that she's a virgin. She said she was in a relationship with a guy about a month ago.
Howard was asking some questions that Dayana said that she didn't understand. He said he knows that she can understand what he's saying. Dayana said that she's only had 2 boyfriends in her life. Artie said he wouldn't even make it to the bed if he saw her laying there naked.
Howard asked if Dayana is into women at all. She said that she's not sexually into it but she is attracted to women. She said she might turn lesbian some day but not right now.
Howard asked where the kidnappers took them to. She said that they were just driving her around. She said they took her friend's car from him and took their money while they were in the van. The guys even told her that they didn't want to touch her, they just wanted her money. She said they told her that she was lucky in that way. Howard said she really was lucky that they didn't do anything else.
Howard asked Dayana if she has any sisters. She said she has one. Howard figured Dayana was the hotter one. Dayana said that her sister is very pretty. She said that she's got lighter skin and she's shorter too. Howard said she doesn't sound like his type.
Howard asked Dayana about working for Donald Trump and what that's like. She told Howard that he's a very funny man and he told her about Howard. She said Trump told her to tell Howard to behave. Howard said he's behaving just fine.
Howard asked Dayana what her game plan is in life. He figured she wanted a rich man. She said she's looking for someone who has some ambition.
George said that Dayana has a great command of the language. Howard asked the guys if they thought that she'd get on their nerves with that accent she has. Fred said yes. George said no. Fred said it would get on his nerves and he knows that kind of thing can happen to a guy like Donald Trump. Howard said the accent wasn't bothering him at all.
Fred said that the thing that you find most attractive is the thing that you will eventually find annoying. George ended up speaking Spanish with her and said that her accent was charming and she had wit and grace. Howard asked if he could make love to her. George said that he probably could. He said that she might even be able to turn a gay man straight.
Howard asked Dayana if she's touching herself since she's not dating. She said she doesn't understand English that well. She said that her father is listening so she can't talk about that. Howard said he must know that she has needs and might have to do that kind of thing. Howard said he can see that she's not going to talk about this stuff.
Howard said that Dayana is going to be down at the Atlantis in the Bahamas that will air on NBC on August 23rd. Dayana told him to come down there and be a judge. Howard won't be going.
Howard said they take these girls and put them in a pool at the Atlantis and you can swim with them. Artie said he'd have a better chance of banging a dolphin than one of the chicks there.
Howard said it's very rare that any of the girls are going to sleep with any of the guys that show up. She said that it has happened for some people. She said that she knows that some of the girls have dated some of the judges. Howard asked ''The Judges!?'' and sounded kind of shocked at that.
Howard told Dayana that he won't be going down to the Atlantis but he figures that the audience will. He said he can see guys kidnapping her there and putting her into a van. Howard said that his wife would be upset with him if he went there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Dayana is wearing panties and if she's shaved. She said that she leaves a little bit of hair down there. She said that the hair must be there for some reason. Howard said there is no reason. He told her that the pubic hair is there from the cave man days when it trapped the smells in there. Howard said that it's there to trap odors and people aren't into that now so she should shave down completely. She said she has thought of doing laser hair removal.
Howard asked if she was wearing panties. She said she was. She had medium sized panties between a thong and regular.
Another caller asked Dayana what kind of things she's done sexually that are crazy. He asked her if she has done anal. Fred threw in some fart clips as she was answering. Dayana said she didn't remember. They told her that Robin enjoyed it.
Dayana said she did an interview with Maxim magazine and they may find out in there. Howard said he doesn't believe that she's done that and she's probably tight back there.
Howard ended up talking about Dayana going doody three times a day. George Takei said he goes twice a day. Robin said that you're supposed to be going like a baby goes and it should be multiple times.
Howard asked Dayana if she has big movements. She said that sometimes they are pretty huge. She said that she checks it out after she goes. Howard said he always looks too and he loves to see. Howard asked if they have ever been as big as a bottle of Poland Spring water. She said she has. Artie said a buddy of his shit a Michelob can.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who was speaking to her in Spanish. She didn't understand him. Bill was asking if she liked to drink milk from a man's penis. Dayana said she has never done that. She said she didn't know why not but she doesn't do that.
Howard asked George if he swallows. George said that he sometimes will. Artie said ''Oh god...'' Howard took a call from Hate Man (Audio clips). The guys had him telling her that he wanted to slide his pole between those great big gazongas of hers. Then they had him yelling at her and calling her the N-word. Howard said that was actually his father calling in.
Howard asked Dayana how she felt about the Miss USA controversy where she answered about the gay marriage thing. Dayana said that you should be able to say whatever you want whenever you want. She said that was her opinion and she just said what she was thinking. She didn't really care about that.
Howard asked Dayana what she thinks of gay marriage. Dayana said that she has gay friends and she thinks that they should be happy and people should do whatever they want. Howard asked if she thinks they should approve gay marriage. She said that it works in some countries and it should be okay in others.
Howard asked Dayana if she would sleep with a man for a million bucks. She said that she wouldn't do it. Howard asked if she had a price. She said they have to love and respect her and have a good job. She said they have to show that they love her too. Howard said she sounds like a lot of work. He had to wrap up after that. Howard started to do that but George Takei said that he felt that she handled the interview very well. Howard said she should have answered the anal question.
Howard asked Dayana if she would let a man touch her over her clothing if he was dying of cancer. She said she wouldn't allow that. Howard took one more call from Jeff Levy the vomit guy (Audio clips). The guys played clips of him asking her to puke on him. Howard asked Dayana if she would ever do that. She said that would be love for a man. She said she'd have to be drunk to do that. Dayana thanked him for calling and seemed to want to get rid o him. Howard asked him if he was going to be down there at the Atlantis. Jeff said he would. Howard told Dayana that's the kind of guys who are going to show up.
Artie asked if he could give her a hug as Howard was wrapping up with her. Howard told him that he was sure that was going to be a ''no.'' Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and had George Takei do a quick announce. George read his script where he talked about all of the macho guys that were around like Fred, who made a pass at a gay at his bachelor party. He talked about Artie who got jizz on his chest and Gary who throws like a pansy.
Howard played a George Takei song that the guys had already put together with the ''Tickle My Tits'' clip. Then he got Mary Jo Buttafuoco in there. Howard said she was looking good today. Howard asked her about why she didn't write this book sooner. Mary Jo said that she has a thick skull, as the title of the book says (Getting It Through My Thick Skull: Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know).
Mary Jo said there was a time a while back when Joey and Amy Fisher were out doing some date thing when she decided to write this book.
Howard asked Mary Jo how long she waited before she had sex again after leaving Joey. She said it was 2 and a half years. She said that she was doing things to herself to get by in that time. Mary Jo wasn't really talking much about it. She wanted to talk about other things.
Howard said it's a miracle that she looks as good as she does. Howard said that they have a picture of her bullet hole in the book and she had to clean the hole herself. Howard said the chances that she lived after this must be a billion to one. Howard asked Mary Jo if she trusts men after this. She said she does want to trust people.
Howard asked how she met this guy Stu that she's with. She said she met him at a car show. She said she was with Joe's brother at a car show and she met this guy. She said that she was told she never looked back at guys who looked at her. She said she did that because she figured that they were staring at her. She said she saw this guy around her age and he had the same kind of look that Joey did. She said he asked her out and she went out with him.
Howard asked how long she waited to have sex. Mary Jo said it was probably a week. Howard said that's longer than Robin waits. Fred threw in a porn clip of a woman howling like a dog as she was talking about that.
Howard asked Mary Jo if she ever cheated on Joey. She said she never did. She hadn't been with another man for 25 years. Howard asked if the sex was better than with Joey. She said it was ''different.'' Mary Jo said it felt great of course. She said she asked her why she waited that long to do that.
Howard asked Mary Jo if she orgasmed. She said she didn't remember but she guesses she did. She said that it happened at a hotel in Vegas.
Howard said the most amazing thing in the book was that her mother was upset with her that she was going to divorce Joey. Mary Jo said that she's probably the reason she stayed with Joey as long as she did. She said that was an Irish Catholic thing.
Mary Jo said that they all believed that Joey was innocent. She said that her mother's first reaction was saying that ''this is what happens when you don't have god in your life.'' Mary Jo couldn't believe that she was saying that. Mary Jo said she worried about what they thought for too many years. She said she got the lecture from them and she told them that's the reason that she never told them anything. She stopped talking to them for 4 months after that.
Howard said that Mary Jo wasn't patented very well. He said he thinks that's what kept Mary Jo in this fog all these years. Howard asked Mary Jo if Joey ever admitted to her that he had an affair with Amy Fisher. Mary Jo said that he admitted it everywhere except to her directly.
Mary Jo told Howard a story about a kid coming to her and telling her about this girl who had come to her house a few months before the shooting. Mary Jo said that she remembered that this girl had come to her door selling candy bars and she was very persistent. It turns out that she found out that Amy was trying to set her up by having another kid do the shooting. She was distracting her with the candy bar and the kid was supposed to shoot her with a rifle. Mary Jo said that Amy wanted her dead months before she did the shooting herself.
Mary Jo said that Amy wanted her gone for a long, long time. Howard said that he can't imagine the kind of sickness that's in that girl.
Howard asked Mary Jo if she's still in touch with Amy. Mary Jo said that her husband, Lou, is another sociopath that she knows. She said she now knows three and they're Joey, Lou and High Pitch Eric. Mary Jo said that she's had her run-ins with Eric too. She told Irish John that Eric is a sociopath.
Mary Jo told Howard that Amy Fisher is now doing porno and pole dancing and she blames Lou for that. Mary Jo said that's the way of a sociopath.
Howard asked Mary Jo if she's upset that she helped get Amy out of prison. Mary Jo said she had been on Percocet at the time and things were strange for her.
Howard asked Mary Jo how Joey slept at night knowing that he had something to do with Amy Fisher shooting her. Mary Jo said that a sociopath has no remorse so that's why he was able to sleep.
Mary Jo said that she was offered rehab by Dominic Barbara. She said she went to rehab and they told her that she had to let go of the anger. That's when she got out of the rehab and started to turn to getting stronger and healthier. She said she had to let the anger go.
Howard asked Mary Jo about believing in Joey in those early years. Mary Jo said she thought she knew Joey better than other people did. She said that he was her first and they grew up together. Mary Jo said that she read up on sociopaths and realized that's what Joey was. She said she bought it all hook, line and sinker.
Howard asked Mary Jo why she emailed Amy Fisher. Mary Jo said that she and Lou were in contact and he would tell her that he had offers to do shows and stuff. She said that he's out of his fuckin' mind so she's been ignoring his phone calls. Mary Jo said that he called her and then a producer called her. Lou was giving her number out. She wasn't too thrilled with that.
Mary Jo said that Lou called her back after she had said that she had some interest if the guy could get her a deserted island in the middle of somewhere. Mary Jo said that Amy Fisher ended up emailing her through her web site (MaryJoButtafuoco.com) and asked if she was really interested. Mary Jo said she told Amy that she was joking about being interested and told her to have a nice life. She said that was just a few weeks ago but that was the one and only email she had with her.
Howard read that Joey Buttafuoco is upset with what Mary Jo wrote. Mary Jo said that he said that her book has ''many, many, many, many inaccuracies'' in it. She said that he made sure to say ''many'' four times. Mary Jo said that Joey is now writing a book and he claims that he's going to tell the real truth. Howard said he thinks that Mary Jo is more credible.
Howard asked Mary Jo how she can trust herself to trust this guy Stu that she's with. She seemed to take offense to that. Howard said maybe someone else should be evaluating guys for her. She said that he should get him in there then.
Howard asked Mary Jo how you know you're in a bad relationship. She said that it takes a while. She said that a telltale sign is if they lie to you about something. She said it's one thing to lie about some things once but if they continue it, then you know you have a problem.
Howard had the guys bring Stu into the studio. He asked him one question and that was ''Do you want to shoot Mary Jo?'' He also asked him why he's waiting to marry her. He said he was just waiting for the right time.
Howard asked the guys if they had seen Amy Fisher's sex tape. Stu said no but Mary Jo said she saw a minute or two of it. Howard asked why she watched it. Mary Jo said that she went to the web site, probably because of Lou, and as soon as she got there she saw her spread eagle. Mary Jo said she didn't need to see any more so she turned it off.
Howard said that Amy is going to be tied to Mary Jo's life. He said it's like looking at her own train wreck all the time. Mary Jo said that she respects porn people now because Amy and Lou were so bad at it. She said that it was so bad. She did an impression of what Amy was doing and showed just how bad it was.
Howard asked Mary Jo if she has any part of her that loves Joey. Mary Jo said no. She said she wants to tell the other people that he's bullshitting what he's up to but she can't do that. They'll have to find out on their own.
Stu told Howard about how he wanted to confront Joey about something when he was coming over for dinner. He said he was ready to go off on the guy but as soon as he showed up he was all friendly and saying ''hey buddy'' and they totally dropped the confrontation.
Howard gave Mary Jo some plugs for her book and said that she'll be signing copies in a few different locations. Check out her web site for more information.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Mary Jo that she's so proud of her. She said that the only time she turns off the radio is when Amy Fisher comes on the show. Howard said that didn't last very long. Amy walked off the show within a few minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of panties she had on today. Mary Jo wasn't wearing any. Howard sounded shocked. He asked her why she didn't have any on. She said she was wearing pants and she hates the panty line. Howard said Stu must love that.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that it sounds like she still loves Joey. Mary Jo told him to have another drink. Howard said he wasn't sure what led him to believe that. Jeff said she was talking favorably about him. The guys weren't sure what he was talking about. She wasn't really speaking favorably about him.
Mary Jo was wearing a ring so Howard asked what that was about. Stu and Mary Jo said they wear the rings even though they're not married. Mary Jo said they will get married eventually. She didn't have an answer about why they weren't married yet though.
Howard wrapped up with Mary Jo and Stu and told her how much he loves her. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had George do another announcement. George read a little story about Artie. Fred threw in his ''Tickle my tits'' clip after that.
Howard said he'd like to thank whoever it was that installed cameras in the subways. He said that they're going to have surveillance cameras to catch people doing stuff on the subways. Howard said that he loves the idea of ''big brother'' beaus he doesn't trust his fellow man at all. He said that no live person is going to be watching the cameras though. He said that it's only for after the fact. Howard said he wishes that they'd have someone watching all the time.
George said they have a subway in Los Angeles and they have an honor system there. They don't have money spent on mechanical devices, they put the money into cameras and security officers instead. The officers are roaming around on the cars and on the platforms instead.
Howard said that he doesn't know anyone who takes the subway out there in L.A. George said it's a very successful subway system. He said that it works very well out there. He said they don't have to go through a turnstile at all and it helps keep traffic moving.
Howard said he was a big fan of the Guardian Angels because at least someone was there to beat the shit out of someone if they did something wrong.
Howard said he wouldn't date a vampire, but he would like to become a vampire. Howard said with his luck he'd be bitten at the age of 90 and he'd be stuck at that age. Howard said he'd like to be a young guy that was stuck instead.
Howard said that you're technically dead when you're a vampire and he'd love that. He said the unfortunate thing is that there is no such thing. The woman said ''you never know.'' Howard said that if Brad had been bitten when he was younger, he'd still have that musculature that he had.
Howard mentioned that he watched The Bachelorette on Monday night. He said that the show continues to be good. Robin hadn't seen it yet but she saw the week before. Howard said he's a fan of the show and watches every episode. Howard said that's sad but he is into it.
George asked Howard if he was into the show ''Hung.'' Howard said he watched the first episode but didn't like it. Robin said it's getting better. Howard said the show was stupid. George seemed to like it and said that he's going to hang with it to see what happens. He said he was hoping that they'd show the lead character's penis. He didn't think it was a bad show but Howard insisted it was.
Howard talked about the assholes who set these birds free and how stupid that is. He said that these people have no clue what happens to the birds. Howard said the poor birds have no idea what to do in the wild. Howard said it's really depressing.
Artie asked why pet shops would sell the birds to people. Howard said pet shops will sell people anything. He said that people are dumb. He wondered who would even waste their time with something like that.
Steve said that he spent an hour and a half with Paul. He will have more on Howard 100 News today. The Tom Bergeron Three Stooges special airs this Friday.
Steve said that there is a new survey out where they have a bunch of names on a list that Howard should be at the top of. Howard said he is the biggest thing that has ever happened in broadcasting. He said that they will try to make it seem like he's irrelevant but that's not the case. He said he brought over listeners to SIRIUS and he is the biggest broadcaster ever. Howard said they can all kiss his ass.
Howard said that when he left terrestrial radio, all of the stations he was on collapsed. He said that it was him and it will always be him. He said there is no talent out there like him. He said that this power grid that Steve is talking about is a bunch of nonsense and it's all made up.
Here are the rest of the questions and the homeless guy's answers:
Howard played one more for the guy and it was ''What do the letters FDA stand for?'' The caller said no way. The homeless guy said it was the federal drug administration. The caller won his $500.
The caller asked if Howard had seen ''District 9'' yet. Howard said he hasn't but he will be seeing it. Howard put him on hold and had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview.
In the clip Robin joked about Gilbert Gottfried and all of the voices he does and said he does the voice of the gerbil in Mario's (Cantone) ass. Robin joked about Mario Cantone and this is where she screwed up and had to do the joke over again. She got laughs the first time but Robin wanted to do it the other way. The audience had no problem with her doing it over again and laughed the second time.
Robin joked about Jeffry Ross. That was Artie's joke about how there must not be a lot of demand for an ugly guy who can't act. Robin goofed on Carl Reiner saying that he'd be seeing Joan's husband in a few weeks. She hit Greg Giraldo with some jokes too. Robin screwed up on that too and had to start over. Robin said Greg's Wikipedia page was wrong because it said he was a comedian. She also said that he can't get a meeting even with AA. She went off on Tom Arnold after that and then another Jeff Ross joke.
Howard said Robin was up there doing her thing insulting everyone. Fred kept playing the bass ''Bwwwaawwww'' from Letterman's show that they pulled a while back.
Howard was going to just play a couple of Robin's jokes but he ended up playing the whole thing. Robin finally go to Joan and rattled off a few jokes about her. Robin said that she was surprised to see so many people there because Joan isn't well liked. She asked how someone who is 76 years old can still be on the rag. She made fun of her face and how unfair it was to trash her face because her surgeon had already done that for them. Robin had the guys laughing with those jokes.
Howard and Artie told her she did a good job there. Fred threw in the ''Tickle my tits'' clip again. That made George laugh.
Howard asked Robin to start her news after playing the ''Do You Want It In Your Ass Or Vagine'' song parody. Howard had a clip of George Takei speaking Klingon. George said he can't do anything on that show without it haunting him.
Robin read some news about the Tour De France bicycle race. She had some details about that race. Howard said he can't imagine the horror of trying to watch that race. He said it's so boring. Howard talked about the days when he used to ride his bicycle and how it's really not a sport. He said that sitting down is not a sport.
Robin read some news about Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson's break up. She's been banned from his home now. Howard said that she's learning what it's like to be fat. Robin said it is like she's being shunned. Howard said she had to have gained like 30 pounds and that's what happens to chicks who used to be hot and become fat. Howard said she had access, now she doesn't.
Robin read about Farrah Fawcett's will and that led to Howard guessing at how much she was wroth at the time of her death. Howard said maybe $3 million or $6 million. He went with $6 million. Robin said he must have read it. Howard said he didn't, he guessed. Robin said that he was right but she thought she'd be worth more than that. Howard said that she'd be shocked by how much people are worth. Howard said that you have to have your head screwed on straight to keep your money. He said a lot of people get involved in stuff that leads to them losing it all.
Robin read some news about Misha Barton getting out of the hospital according to Perez Hilton. Robin said that she's gone back to work on her TV show.
Robin had some news about John Travolta still being a Scientologist even though some reports said he was leaving the church.
Robin said that there is some question about President Obama being a natural citizen of the United States. Robin said that officials in Hawaii are saying that he was definitely born in Hawaii. Howard said he'd have to resign if he wasn't an official citizen.
Robin read a story about a woman who dismembered her infant son with a knife. She tried stabbing herself after killing the child. She's now recovering from her self inflicted wounds. Robin wondered how you treat a woman like that. She said she wouldn't know where to start.
Robin read some news about health care and how much it's costing because of obesity. Howard said that people just don't want to take care of themselves and it should be mandatory for people to maintain their weight. He said they should be responsible for what they eat. Robin said maybe they should make restaurants responsible for people's eating like they do with bar owners. Howard said he wants Jason arrested immediately.
Robin said that Apple is racing to give a portable tablet sized computer for this year's holiday season. Robin said the device is supposed to be released later this year and will have a touch sensitive screen. Howard asked if it will have a keyboard. Robin said it may be touch like the iPhone. Howard said he won't use it if that's the case. Robin read some more details about that and Howard wasn't sure if he would be getting one or not.
Robin read a story about a terrorist who was living in North Carolina. She said that the guy ran a Drywall business and appeared to be a regular citizen. 20 years ago he had trained in the Middle East to do terrorist attacks. They were caught and could face a life sentence if convicted.
Robin read about Michael Vick being reinstated into the NFL. She had some audio of his agent talking about that.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson's death and what may have ultimately killed him. He was sleeping using anesthesia and he had asked the doctor to administer some to him. Howard said that if you can't sleep at night you should get a psychiatrist and find out what's really wrong with you. He said that this isn't the right way to get your sleep.
Robin said they claim that Jackson was a good father after all of that. Howard said they could replace Jackson with a statue and the kids wouldn't know the difference. He said they could just do a voice that sounds like Jackson and they wouldn't notice. Howard said that the guy wasn't a good father. He said the boy looks like a girl. Howard said he would cut that kid's hair right off. Howard said that he didn't care about his hair at that age and he bets that those kids are going to pitch like Gary.
Robin said that Jackson's mother was given custody of the kids but Rebbie is supposedly going to be the one raising them.
Robin read a story about a woman who got into some trouble when a dolphin insisted on more play time when she started playing with it. She was found clinging to a buoy and was worn out and cold from being in the water. She tried to get back to shore and the dolphin wouldn't let her go.
Howard said he knows that dolphins like to play with humans but they don't know that humans can't last for more than a couple of minutes or so. Howard said it's like playing with kids. He said you can only last like 2 minutes before you get sick of it and have to stop. He said he used to yell for help, like the dolphin woman did, to get away from playing with his kids.
Robin read about how the government is thinking about taxing plastic surgery. Howard said that they don't really need to tax people like that. Howard said we have enough money in this country to never have to raise taxes again. He said they do this because there is so much waste. Howard said no one wants to tackle that issue. George said that there are a lot of problems in government. they'll pay $15 for a roll of toilet paper. He lives in California where they're going bankrupt because of that kind of thing. Robin said they're thinking about taxing video games too. She said that was to deter sedentary behavior.
Robin read that a baby was born with swine flu because the mother had it when the child was born in Thailand. Howard said that when he's president, there will be no Thailand. He didn't want to give details about that though. Artie said that Howard is going to lower taxes and raise atrocities.
Robin read that Nadia Suleman, the Octomom, has had a setback in court. A judge has demanded that they have a person to oversee the money that the kids are going to be making doing a TV show.
Robin read about Seth Rogen's new movie and had some audio of him talking about working with Adam Sandler. Howard said Seth is going to be coming in soon to promote the movie.
Robin had some audio of Nicolas Cage talking about being in ''G Force.'' He apparently said he didn't want to be a guinea pig in the movie so he was a mole instead. Robin said it sounds like he's out of his mind in that clip.
Robin had some audio of Vin Diesel talking about The Fast and the Furious. She also had a story about Robert Plant being in an accident earlier this month over in London. Plant crashed into another car and totaled the other car. Howard said he's not sure what happened to Robert Plant but he's looking a little odd these days. Howard said the guy shouldn't look that bad for his age. He's only 60 and he looks 100. Howard said George looks good for being in his 70s. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon brought up how they were talking about the accent and how that might get on your nerves eventually. Gary said he could put up with it for a couple of months. He figured the good sex would work to keep him from noticing it.
Jon brought up the stories that Dayana was telling about being kidnapped. He had Teddy play a clip of her talking about making doody 3 times a day.
After that Gary said he had missed that part. He said that was pretty funny. Jon said that it was something you don't expect to come out of Miss Universe.
Jon asked Benjy if he thought she was the most beautiful girl ever. Benjy said she was hot but not the hottest he's ever seen. Gary said that there are some women who come in who aren't as beautiful but pull it off. Benjy said she reminded him of Katie Holmes. Jon and Gary said he was way off on that.
Will said he thought she was perfect but maybe not the hottest chick. He said that a lot of other guys there agreed with him when they saw her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what chicks have been hotter than this chick. Will and Gary said that the Penthouse girls are always hot. Benjy said there was one girl who was really sexy. He said that was Eliza Dushku. Gary said she was hot but they also threw in heather Vandeven and some other hot chicks who have been up there.
Will said that he liked that Dayana wasn't wearing that much make up. He said that she looks even better with less than she does all made up like on the Miss Universe pageant.
The guys talked about how Howard was telling Dayana that she wouldn't need to wipe being as hot as she was. Gary didn't believe that for a second.
Another caller said that Valentina Vaughn was the hottest chick on the show. Gary said she would be in the top 20. He said that Savanna is up there too. Carmen Electra is another one they mentioned.
Jon asked Gary if he thought she was going to come in wearing a crown. Gary said he did think she was going to be made up more but he likes the way she came in.
Gary said that everyone's set gets edited and he thinks that they sweeten them with laughs so it might be even better once it's edited.
Another caller said he thought this chick sounded like Uzo to him. Jon and the guys said that their accents are completely different because Uzo was from Nigeria or someplace like that and Dayana was from Venezuela.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't hear the Robin roasting part of the show. He brought up George Takei and how he seems to have accepted him more over time. He said Artie used to call in sick all the time when he would be coming in. Gary said he thinks that Artie and George get along very well and Artie didn't call out because he was coming in.
The caller asked about the ads they do and how they have coupon codes to track where the people are coming from. He asked if Howard feels weird about that. Gary said they used to do the same thing at K-Rock so he's not sure if the guy is reading more into it than it actually is. Gary said that Howard has never spoken to him about it and he's pretty sure that it doesn't frustrate him. Benjy added that everything is a web site these days too so that could have something to do with the codes you have to enter.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was listening to Robin on the roast and he thought she did a good job. He said he was impressed with her. Gary said it can be intimidating because everyone else is a professional at roasting and Robin has never really done it.
A caller asked the guys if they think that there is any chance of Howard making the William Shatner and George Takei interview happen. Gary said that it might be tough to get Shatner to do it. They spent a short time talking about that.
Jon asked why Richard and Sal are going to the bathroom together. Gary said it's really bizarre and he's not sure why they're doing it, even after Richard explains it. Gary said he never wants another dude looking at his dick.
Benjy said that he used to go in and pee at the same time as Richard did. He said that it's always more comfortable doing it alone but he has gotten a laugh out of it when he's done it. He said it's kind of a bonding thing that he doesn't mind doing.
Gary asked Benjy if he would show him his dick if he asked to see it. Benjy said he would but not on camera. He said he doesn't want his dick on camera as it is flaccid.
Gary said that the late Kenneth Keith Kallenbach once got caught peeing all over the seat of a toilet at the job he had. He ended up getting fired over that because they caught him on camera going into the bathroom.
A caller said that Sal might be looking for some kind of attention that he's not getting at home and this might be how he's getting it. The guy said he thinks that the two of them would jack each other off if they got into it. He said he thinks that Sal would initiate it if either of them did. He said that if Richard got drunk he'd probably come out with a bloody ass.
Gary said he thought there was a big hole in the story of Brokeback Mountain because they knew a little too much about having gay sex when they did it for the first time. He thinks that Sal and Richard might be the same way.
The guys were saying that they think that Richard would do what Sal asked him to. Jon said he thinks that Richard would jack Sal off if he asked him to.
Another caller said going to the bathroom together is where they come up with their creative shit. He said maybe that's how Sal comes up with what to put in his pouch. Benjy said maybe they do get into a Zen kind of stage and they do get into it that way.
Jon took another call from a guy who said this morning was such a crappy show with the gay stuff. He said they have to calm that gay stuff down. He said they should never talk about the gay stuff. He said he turns the channel after 34 or 40 minutes of it because he just can't take it. He said 5-10 minutes is the max they should spend on the gay stuff per hour.
Another caller said they don't need much more evidence to prove that Sal and Richard are gay. He said it's like fag central there.
Sal and Richard came in around that time. Jon told Richard that they figured it would be him who came on to Sal. Richard said he went 10 years without getting laid in his 20s. He said he never had the urge to try a guy back then. He said he was in bands with tons of guys around and he never wanted to try it and it never happened.
Richard slipped and said he had tried something but then explained that he had never been tempted and didn't mean he had tried anything like that.
Richard said he has had some kind of gay experiences. He had one where he and a friend jerked off in a tent together. Will had to remind him about that. Richard said that he and the friend showed each other the results after they were done even though they did it in the dark.
The guys asked Richard what he would be willing to do for Sal. Richard wasn't sure if he would wipe him or anything like that. Richard wasn't sure if he would fuck Sal to save his life either.
Sal said he was hit on in Sicily one time. He said that he was at his father's family's house and this guy was sweet talking him and he was a friend of his dad's cousin. He said he drove him up in his Fiat to a scenic place and started talking to him like he liked him. He said that his fingers started touching his neck and things like that. He said the guy knew he wasn't gay and drove him home.
Jon asked the other guys if they had ever had anything like that happen. Benjy said there was an intern that came on to him. Gary said they could never figure out if he was doing a bit but the guy claimed he was. Benjy said the guy used to massage his calves and things like that. He kept doing it repeatedly. Gary said he had to go to human resources and explained to them that he was just doing a bit. Benjy said he was a nice guy but he kept doing that stuff.
A caller told Gary that the spitting on your hand is a way that guys jerk off. Sal knew about that and said that he always does that. He said that's the best way to do it and it's the closest you can get to having real bodily fluids from a chick on you. Everyone but Gary knew about the spitting thing.
Richard was asking Gary how he jerks off. He asked if he does it standing up or sitting down. Gary told him he does it all different ways. Sal asked if he has ever done it with the shower beaming on the tip of his cock. Sal said that's what he does. He said he just lets the shower do the work. He said he doesn't even have to use his hands.
Richard said he made love to a paper towel roll one time. He said he used to do what he had to do. Richard said that his penis fit the inside of a paper towel roll. Gary didn't believe it. Benjy couldn't believe that Gary had never fucked a toilet paper roll or anything. Gary said he had never done that.
Sal asked the guys if they had ever slipped a digit slightly up their ass. Jon and Gary swore they never had done that. Sal said neither did he. Then he said he did try it once but didn't like it. He said he was sitting on the toilet at the time and figured he'd give it a shot. He said it didn't feel good but he knows men have tried it and just won't admit it.
Jon took a call to get out of the masturbation vortex. The caller asked Sal about the finger thing and got him back on that subject. Sal said that he just stuck maybe half a finger up there. Benjy asked if they've ever had a chick stick their finger up there. Gary said he has had that. Sal said you won't stop when a chick does it unless it gets really out of control.
The caller said he can't imagine pissing with Sal like Richard did. Sal said he has to do a whole thing with his penis when he pisses and Richard has seen him doing it.
Another caller suggested the spit thing to get into a chick that's a little dry. He gave the guys that tip and asked Gary about pissing with other guys in public bathrooms. The guys asked Gary about the time he got measured in the bathroom by that chick. Gary said that the chick just rubbed his back and he measured himself. Gary said that she got them excited and that was it. They had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Benjy if he's into the wrestling thing too. Benjy said he will wrestle with a chick too. He said it's fun to wrestle around with a chick.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the spitting thing. The caller said he's been using margarine for 25 years. He said it's nice and soothing on his cock. The guy said he rubs it in his hands to get it warm but it does the trick. Benjy asked if his partner knows what he does. The guy said he thinks she does. He said it's really the best though.
Jon brought up Mary Jo Buttafuoco but asked Sal if Robin had used any of his jokes in the roast. Sal said that she did use two of his but she changed them around a little bit. She used one about Lily Tomlin on someone else. Sal thought Robin did a very good job doing the roast. JD thought she did fine too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a couple of jokes of his own about Joan Rivers. He tried a couple of them out on the guys. Sal told him that a couple were okay. There was no laughter in the studio though. Sal said that the crickets were packing their bags.
Sal asked Benjy if he thought that Howard was kind of being sarcastic about Robin's roast jokes. Benjy said that in the beginning of the show he didn't seem so interested but at the end of the show he really seemed to be into it.
Another caller said that he has tried a finger in his ass and it feels really good. He said that he has tried it a few times but he may be a little gay. Sal said he didn't like it so he can't bond with this guy.
Another caller said that back in 1979 or so he used to use toothpaste to jerk off. He said one kid tried Ben-Gay and thought that was kind of cool. Benjy said that guys will try anything to jerk off.
Jon asked the guys if they thought that Mary Jo could ever get past that trauma she had. Benjy said she seems happy and enjoys her life. He said that they seem to be a nice little couple too. Sal said she's a saint. Richard said she thanked a lot of them in her book too. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show mentioning that George Takei was there all week. He asked him to do a quick announce after that. George read his script about Robin's G-cups and how Benjy and Artie also have G-cups. Howard played a new George Takei audio clip song parody where they took his voice and put it to some music.
Howard said he walked in and Gary gave him some free stuff this morning. He said he got a big black box. He now has a black credit card at Carvel ice cream. He can go in for the next 75 years and get a free ice cream. Howard said he thought it was a one time deal but Gary told him it's whatever he wants for 75 years.
Howard read the note he got with the black card. They mentioned his talking about Cookie Puss and all of those things. He said that he's been picked as one of the top 75 celebrities that get one of these cards. Howard said they thanked him for being a fan. He said it doesn't seem like they're going to give him something free for 75 years. It was just ''a treat'' so it may not be unlimited amounts of ice cream. They may give him something small.
Howard said he'll never use that card. He said he'd be too embarrassed to use it. He said they sent it to him knowing that too. Howard said that these guys who run the franchises don't want him walking in and getting free ice cream. He said he'd probably end up going to the same Carvel store too so he'd be getting hit every day if he went.
Howard said he's 55 years old now too and they must have known that he's not going to live for 75 years. He wondered if he could will it to his kids.
Artie said that maybe he should give it to a 5 year old homeless kid. The card has Howard's name on it though. Howard said it's not Howard K. Stern either. Howard said he may use it some day just because he has it.
Howard played some of ''Boom Boom Pow'' and said that he's probably going to die in the shower because it gets slippery in there. He said he'd probably slip and fall dancing. Artie asked him to try and change the channel before he dies so he isn't found dead to that song. Artie said that song is entertaining but it's not even a real song. He said it sounds all computerized.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Hogan was on Bubba's show yesterday talking about his divorce. He said it was great radio and he thinks that he should take over for him when he leaves. Howard said he thinks Bubba will be there for a while. He also mentioned that Brooke Hogan is going to be stopping by today.
Robin said she saw Brooke's show where she was on the yacht and ended up leaving. She said that was pretty wild.
Howard said he tried watching Denise Richards' show but he can't get into it. He said he does like Brooke's show though. Robin said that show with the yacht was wild and the guys apparently thought they could have sex with her.
Artie asked what's so great about her show. Howard and Robin weren't sure. Artie said he turned down his reality show because he knew it would be boring. He said that every show would be him back stage bitching about traveling and just smoking a cigarette. George said they would cut a lot of that out. Artie didn't know what they would show then.
George said that he did ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'' and they slept most of the day. Howard said that Brooke Hogan does some wild stuff on her show. He mentioned the episode that Robin was talking about and how funny it can be.
Artie said that if they asked him to do tasks then he'd just tell them no and it would be boring. Howard said Brooke's new CD (The Redemption) looks like a drawing to him and he's not sure if that's what it is. He said it looks like she's cross-eyed in the picture.
The caller said that Tobey Maguire's brother is going to have a reality show too. Howard said he heard about that but he wasn't sure who the kid was. The caller said that he's a professional skate boarder.
Howard said that he loves the Three Stooges but only the ones with Curly in them. Howard said that Tom made those calls when he was just 16. He said Tom found the tapes that he kept and he's had them all these years. Howard said the special is airing this week and the news is covering it. He said they even had it in the NY Daily News today. He read that article (Howard Stern and 'Dancing With the Stars' host Tom Bergeron to honor Three Stooges on Sirius XM) where David Hinckley talks about the special and what they included in it.
Howard said the Three Stooges were cool because they did shorts that were like 25 minutes long. He said that's what they should be doing today because they end up stretching out movies to two hours and sometimes it can be too long.
Robin said she's done some stupid things like that herself but she learns after doing it. Howard said he has learned because he has a lump on his head. He said he just got so frustrated that he took the phone and whacked himself on his head. It was a regular phone and not his cell phone so it was pretty big.
Howard said he does this other thing where he tears at his skin until he bleeds. He gets off the phone and he's bleeding. Howard said he can't go into what it is that he's so upset about. He said that it's best that they not know.
Howard said he doesn't take stress very well and ends up beating himself up. He said he doesn't do it very often but he does it. He wants to call the police on himself now though. He's hurting himself with this phone.
Artie said he probably could get himself locked up. Howard said it doesn't happen that often and he apologizes to himself and tells himself that it will never happen again when he does.
Howard said he was thinking about going to the hospital after he did it because it really knocked him good. He said that he could have died like Natasha Richardson did. Howard said that would be a hell of a way to go, hitting yourself in the head with a phone. He said he can imagine Beth trying to explain that to the cops. He said they'd think that she did it.
Howard said Carvel would be thrilled. He said they'd get out of that 75 year thing real quick. Howard said he really doesn't handle stress well. He said there are ways you can deal with anger but he doesn't do that. He said they have things that you can smash on your desk and things like that.
Howard said his anger isn't very well thought out. He said he'll sometimes take the phone and just bang his head, not too hard, but this time it was one big hit. He said he took it and smashed it like he was smashing it on someone else's head.
George asked Howard what it was that made him so angry. Howard didn't want to talk about it but he told George that Brad (George's husband) wouldn't wrestle with him.
Howard said he told Beth about asking George about his ass ending up in Brad's face and how he told them that ''many things happen'' while they're wrestling. Howard told her about the ''tickle my tits'' thing that George brought up too.
George said he kept telling Richard no to wrestling him on the air. Richard ended up emailing Brad and asked him if he'd be okay with him wrestling. George said he told Brad about it and Brad said absolutely no. Howard said he heard about it this morning from Richard. He didn't think he wanted to do the full on sex though. George said he did want to see exactly what they do.
Howard said he doesn't understand the wrestling thing but he would like to see what they do. Richard said they don't even have to be nude. He said that George could keep his clothes on. George said Brad said it would be fine if he did it with his shirt off but not fully nude.
George said that they're on radio too so what's the point of demonstrating it if no one can see. Howard said that maybe they should bring in Jared to demonstrate because maybe it's Richard that he doesn't want to wrestle with.
George said he saw a picture of some men wearing thongs above Will's desk today. He said one of the men was Sal from 22 years ago and he looked very good back then. He said he'd like to see Richard 22 years ago too.
Howard asked George if he could demonstrate any of this or not. George said he'd need a bed and a well carpeted floor to demonstrate. Richard asked if Will could come in and demonstrate. George said he'd have to ask Brad about that.
Sal showed the guys the picture that George was talking about. Howard thanked everyone for that and moved on to other things.
Howard said Beth will just take something and deal with it. He said her phone reboots every time they walk into their apartment and he gets crazy over it. He said Beth will just tell him she'll deal with it but he'll freak out and tell her to bring it down to their phone guy to get it fixed. He said he just can't let it go.
Robin said that Howard has something going on in his life that he needs to deal with. She said that he's dealing with every frustration in his life in this strange way. Howard said his shrink tells him that he wants everything and that's the problem.
Howard said Beth got a laptop computer that she brings in the car with her. He said she complained that it wasn't working so he freaked out over that too. He said that he even freaks out when he goes to turn a light on and it doesn't work. He just wants everything to work right.
Robin told Howard that this has to be from his childhood and he has major issues. Gary said that he should talk to his shrink about this. He said that Howard's reaction to everything is to hit them to fix them. Howard said that's the way he works things out.
Robin said that they made fun of Tom (Chiusano) for breaking his hand when he punched his suit in a closet one time. Howard said he could end up doing that some day.
In the clip Steve Langford was talking to Paul Howard about his father. Paul was talking about how his father wasn't a great communicator as a father. He almost never clowned around with his family even though that's what his job was. Paul said he did love his father though and they were able to look through the dark side and tolerate it.
Langford had a pretty long report about Paul. Howard said he was really digging that whole thing. He said it's cool they can do that kind of programming there. The caller was still on the line and said that it was going to make history. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard said that Paul mentions his dad was filled with anxiety and he thinks that's because they never made much money doing those great films. Howard said Moe knew he was talented and he wasn't making any dough. Howard said he saw Moe doing kiddie shows and stuff when he got older and he never got any respect. Howard said Moe would be Lindsay Lohan today. Robin said she thinks that Paul would be the kid going around getting laid by Lindsay Lohan if times were different. Howard said this Three Stooges special is running on Friday at 2pm on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Lisa G's bra fitting went yesterday. Howard said he heard about it from Beth even though she wasn't supposed to tell him what happened. He said that he doesn't understand this. He said it's insane what they're about to hear though.
Howard had Lisa come in so they could talk to her about it. Lisa asked how he found out from Beth what happened. Howard said that he just kept hitting himself in the head with a phone.
Howard said Lisa came in there telling them that she's a C-cup and no one believed her. He said she had an explanation for it and they weren't sure if they should believe her or not.
Lisa said she went to the bra place with Beth, who thought she was a B-cup, and the woman there told her that she's a 30-D or a 30-DD. This is the same woman who told Robin that she wasn't a DD and she was a G.
Howard doesn't believe this at all. Lisa told Howard that she's going to take her sweater off to prove it. Howard said that this place that Robin goes to sells a certain type of bra. It's not a regular type of bra. He said that they're really thick and they'd stick up even if you laid them on the floor.
Howard said Lisa is wearing something that's pretty padded. Lisa said that it is slightly molded but that's to hide any nipple.
Howard said that Beth was telling him about the bras and how Lisa couldn't even fill up her cups with her boobs. Howard said Beth doesn't believe that she's a D. Lisa explained that it goes up with the band size. Fred said that if she's a D then he's Johnny Watt Holmes in the pants.
Howard said he's looking at Lisa in a different way now. He said Beth loves Lisa but she's still not buying this bra size.
Howard bought Lisa some new bras from the store and Lisa just told him that the cheapest one was $68. Howard said he didn't know that's how much they were. Beth ended up buying them for her without even telling her. Lisa said that one of the bras was $108. Howard said he could get a prostitute for $68 that has an actual C-cup.
Artie said that he wants to see them because he doesn't believe that she's a D-cup. Lisa said there's no way that's going to happen.
Lisa said that she and Beth started to laugh when the woman told her that she was a D-cup. Lisa said that she just walked in and the woman, Yvette, told her that she was a D or a 30-DD based on one look. Fred said he thinks that this is just a ploy by this shop to sell bras by telling them that they're bigger.
Robin said that she never fit into her old cup size and now she does. She said she's tried on every size and shape of DD bra and they never fit her right. Fred said there is no way Lisa is a D or a DD.
Howard said he was turned on by Lisa now and she's like a new woman now. Lisa said this is like a new beginning for her and she's going to start wearing tighter clothes from now on.
Gary asked if she would do a costume change and put on a pink top. She said she might but she wasn't sure she wanted to do that. So much for the change.
Howard told her she should wear that top. It was nice looking according to Howard. Artie asked her to dress like one of the whores who comes in there. Lisa said she was thinking about being Miss Howard TV for September or something like that. She said she was even thinking ''fuck the violin'' yesterday.
Lisa said she got some lessons from this woman at the bra store where you bend over and put your boobs into the bra. She said that's what her grandmother used to do.
Howard said he was thinking that this is a good thing to happen to her. Howard said he and Beth had a discussion about her and Beth was saying that she was cute but had never been married. Howard thinks that she's a recluse and maybe she's going to come out of her shell now.
Howard said that if Lisa lets him start dressing her, he'll buy her some outfits. Lisa was very thankful that he paid for the bras yesterday. Howard said she should have some fun with it and dress it up and have some fun. Howard said that violin isn't that much fun. Artie told her to shove it up her ass.
Lisa said she knew that they'd be hysterical today. She said she had a hard time wrapping her head around it. Robin said she still can't see anything in that shirt she's wearing. Artie said that she must be wrapped up under that bra or something.
Howard said Beth saw Lisa in the bra but didn't see her actual titties. Lisa said that this bra fits so much better than the old one. Robin is the same way with her bra size.
Lisa said this bra store is an old school type of place and they have people working there who have been there for 30 years.
Howard asked if the bra was a big, thick strapped type of bra. Lisa showed him what it looked like and it wasn't that heavy duty looking.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they get a threesome going. Howard said he would do that with Lisa and Beth. He asked Lisa if she would be up for that. Howard asked if she's attracted to Beth. Lisa said she is beautiful. She said maybe she should have a party for her new boobs. Artie asked what fuckin' cookie he'd have to make for that party.
Ronnie asked her to just take the bra off and put the shirt on. He said they don't have to see her boobs but he wants to see how big they are in the shirt. Ronnie said that the guys are all pissed off back in the office. He said he's not pissed off but the guys think it's such bullshit with this crap already. He said ''who gives a fuck?'' He said no one cares. Artie said he doesn't care either.
Ronnie said that everyone is saying that they should have this on the ''Who Gives a Shit'' channel. He said a 30-D is like a kid's bra or something. Ronnie told her to just take the bra off and show them what she has in there. He doesn't believe that there's much of anything in there. Howard said Ronnie is insane and it is driving him nuts. Ronnie said he's just representing the rest of the guys who are going nuts back there.
Lisa said she would leave if Howard wanted her to. Ronnie kept telling her to take the bra off and put that pink shirt on. Howard said it sounded like Ronnie was going to have a heart attack. Ronnie told Lisa to be a team fuckin' player already. He was laughing his ass off as he was saying all of this.
Lisa told them to call Beth and ask her. Ronnie said he didn't care about Beth, he wanted her to take her bra off. Artie said Ronnie hates Lisa, that's what this is all about. Ronnie said he's happy that she has tits finally. He said she's been hiding them all these years.
Ronnie said they just want to see what the size looks like. Howard let Ronnie go and Lisa said that was really creepy. Howard said he was afraid that Ronnie's beard was going to start to melt if he got too many tears in that Just For Men colored beard.
Howard said he thinks that Lisa wants to try that pink shirt on. She said she wasn't sure about that. She said she might not have the right bra on. Lisa said she liked the shirt but the bra wasn't right for it. Howard told her to try it on anyway.
Howard played a new song parody from Mike Morse about Robin's G-cups. it was ''Robin's a G Now'' to the tune of ''Who Can It Be Now.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said Lisa is a goofy ding bat Jew. He told her that she's in a moment of glory but he's not buying it. Howard asked him what he's not buying. Lisa told Howard to call Yvette at the bra shop. Howard said he doesn't need to do that.
Lisa said that she spoke to Jerry O'Connell about the claims that he wasn't going to be coming on the show anymore because he gets into trouble. Jerry set the story straight and said that he would love to come back on the show and he's not going to avoid it. Howard thanked her for that, let her go and told her to try on that pink shirt and let them know if it fits.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went and got fitted for underwear and he was told he had a 12 inch dick. Fred said they should come up with a new condom where a 3 inch cock is an extra large. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked George to do a quick announce for them. He had Brooke Hogan coming in soon and he was going to kill some time taking some phone calls. George read his script about Artie and Howard said he didn't remember approving that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is the biggest thing that's ever happened in his life. He's been trying to talk to him for the past 20 years. He told Artie how great he was and Robin that she's the only black woman he'd marry. He said he loved Star Trek too and loves that George is on the show. Howard thanked him and let him go after that.
Another caller had an F, Marry, Kill game for them to play. The guy said that he had Serena and Venus Williams and Robin Williams. The guy was making a joke with the Williams thing. Howard didn't care and told him to move on to his next question. He asked him a Dead or Alive question. He asked about John Astin. Howard said he's dead. The caller said he's actually alive. Howard said he doesn't believe that he is alive. Gary said that he apparently is still alive and he's 80 years old.
Howard said John Astin was great as Gomez Addams on the Addams family. He said that guy was something else in that part. He talked about how great that show was and how great the whole cast was.
Howard let that caller go and took another one from a 16 year old girl. The girl said that Lisa G is not a D-cup. Howard said this girl is the same age as his youngest daughter. The girl, Zoe, said that she's a DD herself and there is no way Lisa is a D. Howard said he was shocked when he heard from Beth yesterday. He said it's nuts and it doesn't make any sense. Howard said it must make Robin question her G-cup. Artie said if she was an X-cup then he'd be fine with it.
Zoe told Artie she loves him. She lives up in Canada and she's looking to get into politics. Artie told her to call him in like 3 years. Howard told her that she should be proud of herself for having a DD-cup at 16. Howard said that all doors will be open to her with those DD's. Howard told her to stay on the straight and narrow though.
Howard said in Rhode Island you can dance topless at the age of 16. He said that's a little young for him. He thinks that's a little crazy. Howard told Zoe not to go to Rhode Island. She said she won't.
Howard said Brooke admitted she had implants last time and it got a lot of press. Howard said some of the press were trying to take credit for finding that out and he was the one who actually uncovered the news. Howard said he thinks that it bothered Hulk Hogan. Brooke said he never wanted her to get them done to begin with.
Brooke said she paid for the implants herself. She said she used the money from the TV show they did. She said that she and her brother got paid separately so they made their own money on that first reality show. Brooke said that the money would go into her account and she put 3/4 of it away for the future. She said that she didn't like the shape of her boobs so she got the implants at 18 or 19.
Brooke said the implants didn't cost her that much, just the cost of the implants themselves. She said she wasn't charged for the surgery. Brooke said that they have this new silicone gel implant that feels real and that's what she had put in.
Brooke said that she had the implants put in under her boobs and there really isn't much of a scar. She said that the scars will lighten up and look like her skin color. Howard said they usually go in through the nipple or under the arm pit. Brooke said her mom had them done through the nipple and she has a dent in them. She had a few sets done though.
Brooke said her mom told her that she sucked her boobs to death when she was born. She had implants after that. Then she had Nick and she had to get them done again after that. Brooke said they were never supposed to be as big as they are now though. Brooke said her mom is always complaining about her back hurting because they're so big. Brooke said she has back pain too from carrying those things around. Howard said they may have to fit her with a new bra like Robin and Lisa G.
Brooke wasn't wearing a bra today. Howard told her they were talking about that episode of her show where she was on the yacht with those guys and she had to get out of there. She said he was good looking but he was just cheesy.
Howard asked Brooke about the cover of her album that's a painting. She said it was air brushed by a friend of the family. Howard said she's cross eyed in the painting. She said she's got some pictures inside the album. She said that she wanted the cover to look heavenly so that's why they went with that picture.
Howard asked Brooke what ''redemption'' means. She thought he'd know because he's a radio guy. Howard said he's a big dummy he doesn't know. That led to them talking to Brooke about her SAT scores. She didn't know the numbers but she was told she was very smart after she took them.
Howard asked Brooke if this guy Stack$ is the guy who is dating her and producing her album. She said that he is. He was there with her too. She said she knew that this was going to break out a whole can of worms. She said that he's half black. She said his father is black. Howard asked if he's blacker than OJ. She wasn't sure how to answer that but told Howard he was the color of a piece of wood in the studio. Artie said ''Holy shit! That's the blackest guy ever!''
Howard asked to talk to this guy Stack$. Stack$ came in so Howard asked how he got into the business. Stack$ said his father managed some people like Peaches and Herb and Sly and the Family Stone so he got into it that way. He said he used to get teased a lot when he was a kid because his dad was black and his mom was white.
Howard asked Stack$ if his parents are still together. He said they are technically but they have kind of grown apart.
Howard asked Stack$ how he met Brooke. He said he would have put the moves on her himself if he were single. Brooke said she likes creative people. Artie said there are no creative people in that room.
Howard said he likes that song ''Boom Boom Pow.'' Brooke said she's not a big fan of that. She said she thinks that they need to do some more intelligent music. Artie said it's just dance music so they can't expect that much from it.
Howard asked Brooke and Stack$ if they live together. They're not but they do see each other every day. Howard asked how long he's been seeing her. Stack$ said it's been 3 years off and on. He said they were off for a while. Howard asked Stack$ if he was banging other chicks in that time they were off. Stack$ said they had some problems with the families working together.
Brooke said that she has all of those douche bag boyfriend on VH1 because they were broken up during that time. Brooke said that the families were working together and things got messy so it started to make things difficult.
Stack$ said that they were trying to do business together and have the families involved together too and it was very difficult.
Howard asked Brooke if Stack$ was the first for her. Brooke said that he's actually number 2. Brooke said that she thinks that the first guy may have been gay. She said that she's not sure about that though. Howard said maybe he needs a little black in him.
Howard asked Brooke how many guys she has been with. Brooke said she was off for about a year and she dated 2 guys and has had a total of 4 guys. Brooke was getting all nervous talking about that stuff.
Howard said he looks at Brooke and sees a very sexual woman. He said he knows he shouldn't be looking at her that way because of Hulk but that's what he's thinking. Howard asked Stack$ if he's going to marry her. They just laughed.
Howard asked Brooke how long she made Stack$ wait. She said she made it hard on him and it was longer than 2 months, it may have been 4 or 5. She said that they didn't want the family finding out about it so they would just go out and make out in a car. Brooke said she was the one who thought she couldn't wait.
Howard asked if she saw his boner in the car. She said that they did some DH'ing (dry humping) in the car. Howard knew what she meant when she said DH and Artie wondered how he figured that out. Brooke said she was amazed Artie didn't know what it meant.
Howard asked Stack$ if he ever had an accident in his pants. Stack$ said he never did. Brooke said he's never done anything to gross her out like that. Brooke said that he does smack her ass once in a while. Howard said he's going to tell Hulk about that.
Howard asked if race ever comes into it and if they ever role play with him putting her into white slavery or anything. Artie did his black guy pimp telling Brooke to get out there and make him some money.
Howard asked Brooke and Stack$ about what kind of stuff they were doing during that time that they weren't having sex. Brooke said that they were just making out and he was feeling her up and stuff. She said that they didn't do anything below the belt. Brooke said that she didn't touch his penis for months. Howard was surprised that Stack$ lasted that long without another woman.
Howard said he thinks that Brooke would be a good lover. He asked Stack$ if he was able to hold out a while. He said he can. Brooke said he was able to hold out a while. Howard asked him if he masturbated before he went to see her. He said he didn't. Brooke said he knew he just had to give it to her.
Howard asked Stack$ how he holds out. Stack$ said that he just focuses on things and tries not to finish. Howard said he would be thinking about Hulk the whole time.
Howard asked the two of them to demonstrate how they can hold out. They wouldn't do that of course. Howard asked if Brooke makes a lot of noise in bed. Stack$ said she can be a little loud.
Howard asked Brooke about her relationship with her mother. Brooke said that things have still be weird between them. She said that her mom came over and visited and told her that she thinks they should just tell the press they're okay. Brooke said that would be a lie and didn't want to do that. She said that her mom and her boyfriend are moving to L.A. together now that the divorce is done. Brooke said that she'd have a relationship with her mother but her mom wants the 19 year old she's dating to be a part of that. Brooke said her mom wants Charlie there and she doesn't. Brooke said it's too weird for her and that's not going to happen. Brooke said she knows that she has to have a relationship with her mom but it's not happening now.
Stack$ had said he and Hulk have spoken about him dating her and Hulk is fine with it. Howard asked Brooke if she's ever seen her dad naked. Brooke said that she has seen him a couple of times. She said she thinks that the sight of his penis scared her. She said she thinks that he was pretty big. She was only 6 or 7 at the time and it seemed pretty big back then.
Howard asked if her dad or Stack$ is bigger. Brooke said she didn't know. Brooke said she knows how big Stack$ is when he's erect and her dad wasn't erect. She said she saw her parents having sex one time but didn't see his dad's penis that time. Brooke said she remembers him flopping on her and thinking it was really gross.
Howard said seeing them doing it doggy style would have been really bad. Brooke said it was missionary style so it was gross but not as bad as doggy.
Howard told Stack$ to pay attention to him. He told him about the story Robin told about getting really hot and how she took a guy in her ass because she was so hot. Howard told Stack$ that maybe that would work on Brooke.
Howard asked Brooke about her new album ''The Redemption'' and asked about how long it took to make. Brooke said they worked on it for a few months. She said that they haven't picked a single to release yet though.
Howard played some of one of the songs that they were thinking about for the single. It was Brooke and Stack$ singing on the song. Stack$ raps in the song while Brooke sings.
Howard played another song from the album where Brooke was singing about what an animal she was. Howard figured she was singing about sleeping with Stack$ in that song. She was singing about some wild stuff in that song. She was asking to be roughed up. Howard seemed to like that song.
Howard asked Stack$ if he's peeing on Brooke at all. She was singing about being ''wet up'' in the song. Brooke said that wasn't happening. She said that they do have a friend who has shit on girls. She said she won't say who that is though. Artie wondered if it was Iron Sheik.
After playing the song he told Brooke that he's going to send a tape of this to her father. He was just kidding around.
Artie said that Stack$ has a cool background with is father managing those bands he mentioned. Howard talked about Sly and the Family Stone and how many cool songs they had. Howard said Sly was kind of crazy about lotioning himself. He said he was on the show one time and he came in asking for lotion.
Howard told Brooke that he grew up in the 'hood. Brooke didn't believe that but Artie confirmed it for her telling her that he came from the same area that Eddie Murphy, Dr. J and Flavor Flav came from.
Brooke said that she was going to release her song ''Hey Yo'' for the first single but now they're being told to go with ''Rough Me Up'' instead. Artie said that song is just as good as anything on the radio now.
Howard asked Stack$ when he got started having sex. Stack$ said he was a late bloomer at 17. Howard said even he got laid at 16.
Howard told Brooke who George was since she didn't recognize him. Howard told her that he's also on ''Heroes.'' Howard asked them to guess how old he was. Brooke guessed 56. Stack$ said 47. George told them that he's actually 72. Artie said George be at his funeral too. Howard asked George to show Stack$ his body. George liked him and told them that they make a lovely couple.
Howard asked George if he wasn't married to Brad, what would he do to Stack$. George said that for 22 years he's been doing it one way so he would start wrestling with him just like in Brokeback Mountain. Brooke said she'd protect Stack$. George said he'd even skip the shower before.
Howard asked Brooke how her friend Ashley is doing. Brooke said she's good but not boning anyone. Howard said that's a shame because she's hot. Howard told Brooke he's pulling for her and told the fans to go out and buy her album ''The Redemption.''
Howard wrapped up with Brooke and said she was more beautiful than ever. He gave her some plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about how Steely Dan was in town doing concerts and Gary had gone to see them. That led to them talking about some of their albums and how they're doing one album per night in their concerts.
Howard said he wanted to bring up a couple of things. He brought up Robin's GNO (Girls Night Out) group. Howard said he thinks that he's against them now. He said the bathing suit picture of Robin made it to the paper. He said that the girls failed at protecting Robin from the photographer. Howard said they were supposed to create a human wall around her and it didn't work.
Howard said Robin's picture is in The National Enquirer this week. Howard said that they once put a picture of him in that column and said he was fat and had tits. He's not fat. He said he knows he's no Stack$ but he's not fat.
Howard said they had Robin and some other people in this column where they show celebrities where they don't look so fabulous. Howard said Robin didn't look that horrible to him but they make it seem like she is.
Howard said they even put Robin's age in there. Robin told him to buy up all of the copies of the magazine. Howard asked if Robin wants him to fire the girls in GNO since they didn't do their job protecting her. Robin didn't sound too thrilled about the picture getting out there but she's not firing anyone.
Howard showed the guys some pictures of Jerry Hall who was Mick Jagger's wife. Artie got a laugh out of that. George said this was very sexist because they don't talk about Artie in a bathing suit.
Artie said he saw a picture of Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger's daughter and she's beautiful. He said that Jerry doesn't look so great for a model. Howard said she's only 53 and you'd think she'd hold things together a little better.
Artie told Robin to get a lawyer after seeing the other people in the pictures. Howard asked Robin if she was angry with the other girls in GNO. Robin said that picture is from before the girls even showed up. She's not upset with them at all.
Howard said this was wild and this news guy was taking a shot at her out of nowhere. He said that he didn't even know her and took that shot at her. Artie said that guy was trying to be funny and it just sounded mean and stupid. Howard said he thought that was kind of cool.
Greg told Howard that Will got a bad deal on a mortgage about a year and a half ago and he tried to warn him back then that it was a bad deal. He said he told Will he should have been renting back then.
Howard said you'd think in this economy it would be smart to buy in this economy. Greg said that Will bought at a bad time. Greg said he lives like a Jew himself and he hates that. He said that he married a Jew and joined the Friar's club 20 years ago and he lives like a Jew even though he's not Jewish.
Will came in and said that he did buy a year and a half ago but he's not in as bad shape as Greg is making it out to be. Will said he's not sure if he's going to be sticking around in New York if Howard retires in a year and a half. Greg said that he figures now that he should have been more out of control earlier in his life.
Howard said that Greg is 150 pounds and 5'8'' tall. He said that the guy has a temper and he's surprised that someone hasn't kicked his ass. Howard said the guys don't even believe some of these stories he tells about his temper.
Howard said Greg went to a parking garage, and he's not that big of a guy, and got angry. Greg said that he used to fight with his brother all the time and they would kick each other's ass. Greg said his brother used to beat him up until he got as big as him. Greg said his father used to beat him too but it wasn't ''too much.'' Greg said he was a bad kid and his dad was beaten by his parents who died young and he kept that tradition going. Greg said his father would hit him in the head with an open hand.
Howard asked Greg how old he was when he got hit the first time. He said it was probably when he was a teenager. He said he was a bad kid though so his father had to do something.
Howard said Greg went to this parking garage and the guy wanted to charge him full price after he had been there just 3 minutes. He had lost his parking ticket. Greg said that he asked him to check the cameras. Greg said that he was told they didn't have any so he drove back down to the gate to the parking garage, ripped it off and threw it on the ground. Then he went off to a sleep study nearby so they could check him to see if the lack of sleep is making him so angry.
Greg also went to his kid's baseball game and another parent said something to his kid in a way he didn't like so Greg threatened him and made him apologize to him. The guy had said he was going to ''find him'' and that freaked the kid out so Greg thinks he was okay threatening the guy.
Howard said Greg's neighbor had a lawn guy blowing weeds onto his yard so Greg sprayed the guy down with a hose and threatened him with a baseball bat. Greg said that wasn't the case. He said that he did warn the guy about 7 times not to blow shit onto his yard. Greg said he heard the guy laugh and then blew leaves over to his yard so he got the hose and blasted him. He said he had the guy cornered and he wasn't able to move because of that.
Greg said that the guy was fired and that piece of the property is being maintained by their lawn guy now. Greg said he didn't threaten that guy with the baseball bat. Howard said that he's learning something from Greg. He said that he's intimidating and taller than Greg but he would never do that to anyone. Greg said that little guys can be more intimidating than tall guys. Artie said that's why we should be afraid of places like Iran and Iraq. They're like the crazy short guys like Greg. Artie said the toughest kid in his school was a guy who was 5'5'' tall.
Greg said that he never lays a finger on any of these people in the stories he has. He said that he didn't threaten anyone with a baseball bat either.
Gary asked Greg if he's ever been threatened by anyone himself. Greg said he had a guy in an audience one time who got enraged and rushed the stage with his fist clenched. He hit him in the face with the microphone and the guy picked him up and spun him around. The crowd went nuts for that.
Greg said that there are lines that he can lose his temper on. He said his kids are one thing that he'll snap on. He said his instincts are to engage.
Howard asked George Takei if he remains calm during things like this. George said that he knows people like Greg who do get very upset. He said he remains calm himself.
Howard asked Greg if he's ever beaten the shit out of a guy. Greg said he did in college. He got into a fight at a concert. He was there with his brother. He said he came out of the concert and told a guy to take his Yankee hat off because this was up in Boston. He said they got into a fight right in front of a police station. He said that a buddy of his worked in the DA's office so he had to spend the weekend in jail. He said he got up to the bench and everything was forgotten.
Howard said Greg's father used to smack the shit out of him and he was thinking that he used to bad mouth Greg's father on the air. Greg's father was a radio guy by the name of Bob Fitzsimmons.
Greg said his father knew what Howard was doing and he didn't really take it personally after a while. Greg said there's a book called Outlyers where they talk about people like Howard. He said that Howard is like that and his father understood Howard's shtick. Howard said he doesn't think he ever met his dad. Greg said his mother hates Howard's guts.
Greg said that he went to a celebrity golf tournament the other day and Lisa Lampanelli was there. Greg said that Lisa is so nice off the air. He said that his 8 year old son was there with him too. Lisa was hanging out with the kid and being really nice. Then she got on stage and said his son was going to turn into a dick sucker and she was calling his wife a cunt and things like that.
Howard said that Greg is on fire with all of this. He asked what happened to his arm. Greg said his wife got his son a book about fathers and sons doing things together. He said they ended up building a go-cart together. Greg said he was hanging on the go-cart going down a hill and crashed. He said that his son was all cut up and bleeding and he was just laying there yelling ''Fuuuuuuuuck!'' Greg said he told his son that next time they're going to beat that hill but that time the hill beat them.
Greg said he just sold his book to Simon and Shuster and that should be out in the fall of 2010. He said he was in a bidding war the last time he was on and they finally sold it.
Howard told Greg about how he had whacked himself in the head with his phone yesterday. He said that there's something seriously wrong there when he almost knocks himself out with his own phone. Howard said his wife asked him what he was doing and he had no explanation for it. Howard said he's had 11 years of therapy and he's still doing stuff like that. Howard said he should be able to levitate after 11 years of therapy.
Howard gave Greg some plugs for some upcoming appearances. You can find out more at GregFitzsimmons.com.
Howard had George do a quick announce as they were going to break.
Howard came back and Artie said that Brooke Hogan's song didn't sound so bad earlier. Howard wanted to ask George a question but he was out of the studio at the time. George came back so Howard asked him what he thought about the young kids telling him he looked like he was in his 40s and 50s. George said he doesn't even think that he's an older man like that. He doesn't feel 72. Howard said he doesn't even walk like an old man.
Howard said George doesn't have a wrinkle on his face and he hasn't had any work done. George said he hasn't had any done but he uses lotion on his face. He said he exercises and gets plenty of sleep.
George said that the fun part is being there but then there's the fun of not having to do the show. Artie said that George is right about that. He said he feels the same way about the show.
Howard gave Greg some more plugs for his comedy shows. He said that Greg also does a show on Howard 101 on Monday nights. Howard said Robin actually listened to one of his shows. Robin said she enjoyed it. She said she heard almost the whole show.
Greg said that Dave Navarro is going to be on his show next month. He said he challenged the guy to a fight one time when he thought he was dissing him at a porn awards show. It turns out Dave was telling his friend that he actually enjoys him.
Greg asked George if he does a voice for a children's show. George said he does many. Greg said his son watches one show where he swears it's George and it must be him.
George said he's doing a voice for a character called Galacticus. He also does a voice for the Star Wars animated series. He wasn't sure of the character's name though.
Howard said he used to see guys like Larry Storch and Don Adams doing recordings at his father's studio. He said it looked unbelievable and looked like so much fun. Howard said to be on a cartoon would be so much fun but George just looks like it as another job.
George said he does a lot of voices so he doesn't remember them all. Greg said that George does a voice on this one show that's like the number one show on Nickelodeon. George said he plays and old man too. He did his voice for them. Artie asked him to do his English guy voice. George did that but it's not so great so Artie laughed his ass off at that.
Artie said he did a voice for the video game ''Leisure Suit Larry'' and forgot he even did it. He said one of the interns reminded him about it.
Howard said he got an offer to do a cartoon but his agent told him that it was horrible and he shouldn't do it. He said his agent never lets him do anything like that.
Greg said that Don Buchwald, Howard's agent, is his agent too. George said he's his agent as well. Greg said he was offered a part where they asked him to act black but not too black and Buchwald asked him if he wanted some swatches to figure out how black to act.
Ralph called in and said that Greg seems to be a bit of an asshole. He said it wasn't the garage attendant's fault that he lost his ticket. Greg said the guy wasn't trying to help him. He said that he didn't do anything to the guy, he ripped down the gate of the place. He said he didn't do anything to that guy at all.
Howard said he agrees with Greg with what he did with his kid and with the leaves being blown onto his lawn. Greg said he's been working on his anger and hasn't had a fight since college.
Artie added that he's pretty sure that Greg would admit that he is an asshole. He said that's true of himself as well.
Steve said they have a story about the hairy mole guy who was on the show a while back. Artie put him up in a hotel out in Vegas. Howard said he wanted to comment on this. He said that the guy can't get people to talk to him even though he's the sweetest guy out there. He said Artie offered to take him out to Vegas the next time he was out there.
Howard said Artie called up 5 hookers and all 5 of them refused to fuck this guy. Artie said that was unprecedented. Howard said his parents could have helped him out but they didn't bother. This poor guy is suffering.
Artie said he didn't talk to the whores directly. He said that would be bad since he has a girlfriend. Artie said he knows some guys out there who helped him out with this. He said that the guys told him that a whore will fuck anyone. Artie said he brought the kid out to the pool and stuff and the kid was wondering if he was going to get to talk to a girl soon.
Artie said he lost track of the kid at the show. He said the next day he spoke to the guys and they told him that they had never had that problem before. One of the guys asked if his cock was all fucked up too. Artie said that no hooker they talked to would do this kid. Artie said these were outside guys and not guys who worked at the Hard Rock.
Artie said that the guys drove to a place with the kid and met the whore. He said the whores all saw the kid and said no. They would all walk away. They went through 5 of these whores. They didn't let them do it to his face though.
Artie said they went out and tried to find some crack whores and people like that and none of them would even give him a hand job or anything. They may have been afraid that he was contagious or something. Artie said he had to tell the kid that he was really sorry about it but he wasn't able to get him anyone. Artie said that crack whores were saying no to this guy.
Artie said that he told the guys to offer the crack whores a grand if they had to and they all refused. Artie said he was reluctant to talk about it but he apparently called Steve and told him. Artie said that maybe Howard has the power to find someone for this kid.
Artie said that this kid was the sweetest kid in the world. He said he felt so bad for him. Steve said that Richard, the Hairy Mole guy, appreciates Artie trying to help but he broke down in tears waiting for him to find someone for him.
Howard was thinking of getting someone like Tabitha Stevens to come out and do this. She's married now though. Howard said that might not matter. Gary told Howard that Will just reminded him that Tabitha blew Big Foot while she was married. That was a good sign for Richard the mole guy. Artie said she blew Bob Levy too.
Steve said they have a story about Ivy Supersonic changing things in federal courts because she had recorded some of the Bernie Madoff sentencing. This change may come as a result of that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran through his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Three Stooges discussions and asked which character Howard would like to be if he could be one of the three. Howard said he would like to be Moe because he wrote all of that stuff. He had a wife and a family he loved and some stability. He said Curly was an unhappy guy who didn't like the whole thing. He had to shave his head for the role and that wrecked him inside. Howard said Larry was funny but he would rather be Moe.
Greg said he just got his kid the 75th anniversary set of the Three Stooges. Howard said there's a new book out too. Artie said he likes the Marx brothers too. Howard said that the Stooges are the funniest even over the Marx brothers. Artie said he might pick the Marx brothers over the Stooges. Howard said he'd zone out in one of their movies but he wouldn't do that in a Stooges movie.
The caller said that he loved the Little Rascals shows too. Howard said they were good but they've apparently been banned from TV.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with his Intern Show preview. Steve said they have Intern Julie coming back for a visit to talk about being on Regis and Kelly. She was an intern for them at K-Rock.
Howard had to hold off on the news for a moment because Tabitha Stevens was on the phone. Howard picked her up and told her what was going on with this guy Richard the hairy mole guy. Howard told her that this guy has moles all over his body and he has hair growing out of them all. Howard said that he wasn't able to get laid and he was turned down by 5 hookers. Howard said the guy is the sweetest guy she'll ever meet. Howard said he's a virgin too.
Howard said he can't get on and said that Tabitha will have sex with him but maybe something will happen if they go out on a ''date.'' Howard said he knows they can turn to her in a crisis so that's why he called her today.
Tabitha said her whole business is sex but she'll have to ask her husband about this first. She said that she'll talk to him tonight but she's up for it if he's okay with it. Howard said maybe they can talk, go off for a drink and maybe something will happen. Artie said he can predict the future with Tabitha and he's pretty sure something will happen.
Howard told Tabitha to let them know what the story is after she talks to her husband. Tabitha asked if they have a picture of him. Howard said he thinks it should be a surprise. Artie agreed and said that she should come in and meet him on the air. Howard said they have to get her into the studio first. Tabitha said she'll fly herself out whenever they want.
Howard let Tabitha get in a plug for her web site TabithaStevens.com before she left.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he hasn't been calling in lately because he's been getting too much action lately. He said that they're talking shit about him lately and that's not right. Howard asked what her name is. Jeff said he can't tell them. Then he said it's Kim. Howard asked if he's lying. Jeff admitted he was lying. Howard said he'll get a girl one day. He told him not to give up hope.
Howard said that this guy won $133 million but he took the lump sum pay out and that means that he's only going to get $53 million after all of that. Howard said that's still great money but still, once you win you have hands in your pocket. Robin said that he did resign after he won. Howard said some of these guys say they want to keep working but there is no reason to keep working with that kind of money.
Robin read some news about a Swedish company that was fined after one of it's robots attacked and almost killed a worker. Howard said that Judgment Day is upon us. He said that artificial intelligence is getting so good that robots can make decisions. He said that Jon Hein was reading this article about it and it's getting crazy. Jon came in and said that it was in the Times and we're already there for machines making their own decisions. He said that they're worried about the whole Terminator thing actually happening.
Howard read some of the article himself and said it was kind of disturbing. They're saying that people's jobs could be replaced and Artie asked if robots can tell dick jokes. Jon said that there are things they show in movies that are actually here already.
Robin read some news about some possible new taxes we'll have in this country for things like soda and plastic surgery. Howard said he likes the idea of an obesity tax.
Robin read a story about tanning and how that can lead to all kinds of skin cancer and even melanoma of the eye. The guys were talking about spray tans and how odd people look when they get that stuff done. George asked about black people who lighten their skin with chemicals. Robin said that stuff is not natural so they are putting chemicals on their skin and it's not good.
Robin read a story about a guy who poured scalding water on her husband because she thought he was cheating on her. She said that his skin was falling off by the time he woke up and realized what was happening.
Robin read about how Michel Jackson's doctor is getting into some hot water of his own. Greg told her that was a nice transition. She read about how the doctor's home was raided and they took his hard drive and some other records. Robin read about some of the fake names that the doctor was using for Michael Jackson to get him his drugs.
Robin read a story about a politician who was found dead after being rounded up in a corruption bust. Robin said that there are people coming out and saying that they can't believe they got away with what they did for so long.
Howard asked what is with the NY Mets. Robin said there was something going on with the General Manager. Howard said that they're all growing beards, that's what he's talking about. He said they want to play .500 ball and they're all growing the beards for that. Gary said they're going to look like Rumplestilskin if they try for that. He said that they've lowered their expectations too so it's pointless now. Artie said that he sad thing about the story is that the Mets already have beards... they call them wives.
Robin read about how President Obama is going to be meeting with the professor who was arrested while trying to break into his own house, and the cop who busted him. Robin said that professor is half white and half black. She said that it turns out that the cop and the professor are actually from the same Irish stock. Robin said that Glenn Beck was saying that Obama is a racist based on this whole thing.
Robin said that Colin Powell has come out and said that the professor should have just cooperated with the police. She said that Powell is friends with the guy and he's saying this. Howard agreed and said that you have to be on good behavior around the police.
Robin read some news about Michael Phelps having some trouble getting back into swimming. He's not wearing this new suit that's making other swimmers faster.
Robin read about Meryl Streep playing Julia Child in a new movie called ''Julia And Julie.'' Howard said she's an amazing actress. They talked about some of the other movies she's been in for a couple of minutes. They also played some audio of her talking about playing the part of Julia Child.
Robin mentioned that Jillian Barberie's husband's new TV show will be starting next month. It's a show about house husbands.
Robin also had a story about Charles Manson trying to work with Phil Spector on some music since they're both in jail now. Greg thought that Manson had written ''Helter Skelter'' for the Beatles but Fred told him he was wrong about that. Howard told the guys not to anger Greg. He gave him some plugs and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
George said that he and Brad are going out to a play on Thursday night. He said on Friday night they'll be going to see another one called ''Ruined.''
Jon asked George what he thought of Neil Patrick Harris hosting the Tony Awards. George thought he was great and he thinks he's going to be hosting the Emmy's next year too.
George talked about some of the other plays that he and Brad will be seeing and want to see. They've seen almost everything on Broadway so they've gone off Broadway now.
Gary said he saw Howard throw a video tape at a wall one time because he didn't like what was on it. He said that hitting yourself is a strange thing to do and Howard does like to hit things. He said that when he gets angry he hits things and it doesn't do anything. He said maybe 10 percent of the time it actually will work though.
George said he thinks that Howard cares a lot about what's going on and he must be blaming himself for some of this stuff. George said that he will rant and rave and carry on when he gets angry. He said that Brad can upset him sometimes and he will yell at him out on the sidewalk.
George said he wanted to see a certain play and Brad didn't want to see it so he would get upset about that. Gary asked if he punched a wall because Brad got tickets to ''Rock of Ages.'' George just laughed.
Benjy asked George if he has ever struck Brad in anger. George said that has never happened. He said that they're civilized people. He went on to talk about how impressed he is with Greg Fitzsimmons after hearing his stories about the way he was treated as a kid. He said that abused children have a history of doing that so Greg is breaking that.
George talked about how impressed he is with Artie too. He said that he's actually walking to his therapist appointments and it's 17 blocks away. George said that he's eating better now but maybe not all the time. That transition can take some time according to George.
Gary said Lisa made some accusations about him and they got into an argument about it. Gary said that Lisa told him that she wasn't going to put on that pink tank top today. She asked if he wanted her to dress up like a hooker. Then Lisa said that Gary wanted her to dress up like a whore. He never said that though and she was putting words into his mouth. Gary said Ronnie shut her up when he told her that Beth was wearing that same shirt. She got all tongue tied and walked away.
Ronnie came in and said that they were all carrying on in the back office about the bra size. He said that everyone was sick of hearing her bullshit. Ronnie said he just lost it in there. Ronnie said that Lisa isn't a team player and that might have been why he ended up crying from laughing so much.
Gary said last week Lisa was talking about being edgy but she's not willing to be edgy at all. Ronnie asked if they told the story about what happened in the hallway after that. Gary said he told the story about her putting words in his mouth.
Jon played a clip of Lisa revealing her new cup size. Ronnie heard that and said that it's a training bra. Gary said the reaction in the office after that was horror. It was like they heard someone had been shot.
Jason said that she can call them D's all she wants, that doesn't make them D-cups. No one was believing that they were D-cups at all. Ronnie said that's why he wanted her to put the shirt on over her boobs without the bra on. He said he didn't want her topless, he just wanted to see what she's got in that bra with a shirt on over it.
Jason said he heard that some places make their clothes smaller to make you feel better about what you wear. Jason said that Lisa is flat as a board and that's that.
Gary said that he was looking at Katy Perry on HollywoodTuna.com and she's got a DD and it looks nothing like Lisa. Benjy said it's all relative though and Lisa has a very small chest. He said it's all relative.
George said he can see that Artie Lange has larger boobs than Lisa G does. Jason said that they're not wrong and they're right that Lisa doesn't have a D-cup. Jason said that if this is true, and Lisa is a D, then it's the worst news about breasts ever. Benjy said that this is like the 9/11 of tits.
Ronnie said that everyone takes shit around this place and Lisa doesn't take it. He said she will not cooperate with anything in any way.
Gary said it's so bad that Sal came up with an idea for the show where they were going to have her play the violin as a punishment. Gary said he couldn't believe that it came down to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa G is a liar. He said that she claimed she wasn't insulted that Beth thought she was smaller than she thought she was. Now Lisa is ready to change her life because she's got a larger bra than she had before. He thought that she was out of her mind and she was insulted by Beth's comments.
The caller said he had to defend her too. He said that the cup size is relative to the circumference of the chest. He said that's why women will tell you what their measurements are with the chest size. The guy said that she has less breast matter than a woman with a 36-B. He said that she probably is telling the truth about the breast cup size. He said that they might be as big as a 36-A but she's got a small circumference. Jason said Lisa is the only one buying into this stuff, no one else is.
Another caller said he thinks that she has saggy, floppy tits and that's why they're a D. Gary said it doesn't matter what kind of shape they are, it depends on how much you're putting in there.
George said that this conversation was very profound. He said that they're talking about the absence of something that doesn't really matter. Ronnie said he just wants to see what size she really is. Benjy asked what he wants her to prove. Ronnie said he wants to see what she actually has in there.
Benjy said he wants to see her tits as bad as he does. Ronnie said he doesn't want to see her tits, he said he wants to see how big they are.
Ronnie said that he and Lisa have this thing where she won't come near him if he's in a bad mood. He said that it's almost like their married and she can tell when he's in a bad mood. Ronnie said he's always on her case because she never plays along with the team.
George said that Ronnie reminds him of Jimmy Doohan and Nichele Nichols. He said that Nichele was always late and Jimmy would start fussing and fuming and he'd be raging by the time she showed up. George would remain calm and Jimmy would be telling the driver to move on. George said that seems to be the way things are with Ronnie and Lisa. Ronnie said that may be it.
Gary said he keeps expecting Ronnie to yell at Lisa and then make out with her. He said there could be some kind of sexual tension there.
Ronnie said that Lisa wants the attention but she won't play along with them. He said that if she's not going to play along with it then she should get the fuck out of there.
Jason asked George if that's what's going on between him and Shatner. Maybe there's some affection there. George said that he played his character as having an admiration for Shatner's character. He said that he did have respect for his talent but then he got to know the real person and it was different.
George said that Shatner didn't know that everyone hated him until Nichele Nichols told him so. He said that one time during the first season they were getting fan mail and Leonard (Nimoy) was getting more fan mail than Bill was. He said there was some tension there over that. George said they were doing a photo spread on Leonard getting into his make up. George said by the time Bill came in Leonard was half made up. Shatner saw that and got on the phone and ended up getting rid of the photographer. Leonard refused to finish his make up until the photographer got back. Then they found out that Bill had photographer approval on the sound stage so he had the guy removed.
George said that they were all told to take a long coffee break while they waited for the photographer to come back. George said they were told to take an early lunch and finally there was some action on the set. Leonard was back in make up and the photo session was finished. He said it was a very revealing incident.
Gary said it sounds like Nimoy laid down the law and said he wasn't going to take that shit. George said that they eventually made up and have been friendly. He said that Leonard is a very wise man and knows that their relationship has to be that way to be successful. Benjy said it must be easy for Leonard since he doesn't have any human emotions.
Jason asked George if they were all in costume when they went to take their break. George said that they were all dressed in their outfits, they were ready to shoot. Jason thought that was cool.
The guys talked about Brooke's boobs for a little bit too. They were also wondering about the SAT scores that she was talking about and how they'd like to know the actual scores.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard was talking to Brooke about seeing her parents having sex. Benjy asked Gary if he had ever been caught by his kids. Gary said he hasn't but he once caught his parents when he was about 23 years old. He said he didn't even know they were physically capable of doing that. Gary said that his father ended up coming out in his underwear with a cigarette in his mouth after they were done.
A caller said that Bubba was talking about the strange sexual tension that there is when Howard is around Brooke. He was also asking George about how things were working with Leonard Nimoy when he was directing the Star Trek movies.
George talked about working with Leonard and also working with William Shatner on some of the films. He said that Bill directed and he was going to pass on doing the movie. He said that Bill got Nichele to do the movie and then she asked him to do it. George said Bill called him personally and he told Bill he wasn't interested. Then he got a call from the producer who made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Jason asked why Nimoy would do the movie as well. Gary figured that he could be bought just as well as George could. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he liked the stories that Howard told about Greg today. He said he liked the hosing down of the gardener and there was the story about wanting to beat the shit out of the guy who threatened his kid. Greg said that he has fantasized about killing people but that's a normal human emotion. Gary said he's never had that fantasy. He said that he has thought about beating the shit out of someone but not killing them.
Gary said that he's been there with wanting to beat the shit out of someone and he did think about bashing them on the head with a pipe.
Greg said that when he's in his own yard he feels that he has to protect his kid. He said he can't just ignore it. Greg said that his kid and his friends were trembling and crying when this guy threatened them. That's why he threatened the guy who threatened them.
Greg said that he has dealt with his anger by going to therapy. He said that he's trying to keep it all under control. Greg said there's something in Irish people that makes them want to right wrongs. He said that he can make that choice to just walk away now but in the past he has gotten very angry. He has to talk to himself to get through it now.
Greg said that he played hockey when he was younger so that may have had something to do with it. Greg told some other stories about people who he's fought with and how he's gotten his ass beat. He said that one guy beat his ass but they ended up staying friends.
Jon said that they will be running that Three Stooges special this Friday at 2pm on Howard 101. Gary said he remembers them playing those Three Stooges movies all the time on the local channels there in New York. He used to watch them as a kid.
Another caller said he has all of the sound bytes that they were looking for from the Little Rascals. He said he tried to call KC about it but he never picked up the phone.
Gary said he has the Little Rascals collection on VHS and there was some crazy racist stuff in them. He said that they were trying to get Stymie to play hooky with them and they told him they were going to the watermelon patch. He said that Stymie said ''I sure do loves me them watermelons'' or something like that.
Gary said he's also seen some crazy cartoons from the 1940s when they were anti-nazi and stuff like that and that stuff was crazy too. He said they can't show any of that now.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Greg why he doesn't know when to stop talking on the show. He kept injecting jokes into the show and he seemed to be annoying Howard. Greg said he was trying to bring a little energy to the show and he's been bringing him back for the past 8 years so he must be doing something right.
Another caller said that he didn't see any sexual energy coming from Brooke Hogan. Gary said everyone has feelings about different people and that's just his opinion.
Jon asked if there is a sexual tension between Howard and Brooke. Gary said he thinks there is something there. Benjy said Howard even admitted there was something there and he's attracted to her.
Jon asked the guys about what they thought about Brooke's new album. Benjy said that her song sounded just like Britney Spears' ''Womanizer'' but it was a good version of it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be. He said they had George Takei sitting in all week and today was his last day. He had him do an announce real quick after that. George had a quick one about Lisa G's new bra size and how Howard must know they're A's at best.
Howard said they had a game to play today. They had a curtain with 3 holes in it and three guys were going to stick their balls through it and George was going to have to pick out whose balls were whose in ''Guess the Testicles.'' They had a theme song for the game that they played real quick. Howard asked if he wanted to play it now. George was okay with that.
Howard told the guys to play the game now and had them get behind the curtain. Howard said that Sal, Richard and Benjy were all participating in the game. George said that he has never seen their testicles but he may be able to guess based on their body types.
Robin was saying it was disgusting already and they had just put their balls through the curtain. One of the guys was having trouble getting his balls though the hole.
Robin was still freaking out while the guys were trying to get their balls through the holes. George wanted to get closer but Howard told him he had to play from where he was. George did move to a spot where he was blocking Howard's view though.
George said he thought number 2 was Sal. He said that number 1 was Richard and 3 was Benjy.
Howard asked Robin for her thoughts. Robin said she thinks that 1 is Richard, 2 is the hairiest and biggest so that might be Benjy and 3 is Sal. Artie went with Robin.
Howard said he was going to say 1 was Sal, 2 was Richard and 3 was Benjy. Then he switched it up because it was much harder than he thought. It was 1 as Benjy and 3 as Sal instead.
Howard had the guys come out and stand in front of their numbers. He said that number 1 was actually Richard. Robin, George and Artie were all right on that one. Number 2 was Benjy. Robin and Artie got him right too. George didn't. Howard had Sal come out too. He came out with his penis out.
Howard said the prize was the knowledge that they have the ability to pick out balls. Howard let the three players go and played the theme song again.
Sal asked if they could play ''guess the assholes.'' Howard said they'll do that next time George is in. Richard wanted to guess at Howard, Fred and Artie's balls next.
Howard said that Mary Jo Buttafuoco was on the show the other day and he got a lot of feedback about that. People wondered who cared about her. One of the people who didn't care about her was Lou Bellera, Amy Fisher's Husband. Howard had Lou on the phone.
Howard said Mary Jo was saying that she has learned to identify Sociopaths and she said that Lou was one too. Howard said he's not sure if Lou is or not. Lou said the weird part is that he and his wife had nothing but nice things to say about Mary Jo. Lou said that the only contact he had with her was to embrace her for the show.
Howard said the reason Lou is calling in is because Mary Jo had so much to say about him and he was fuming mad about that. He's saying that what she was saying about him isn't right.
Lou said that Mary Jo once collected $500,000 to go on ''A Current Affair'' to back up her husband and she denied ever doing that. She also collected some money for testifying that Amy's gun had gone off accidentally. He said that she collected $1.4 million for that. He said that she has the balls to go on Howard's show and claim what she claimed about the TV show offers. He said that he tried to help her out with Amy when things were going down between them. Lou said that he was asked to call Mary Jo about doing this reality show and that's what he did. He said it wasn't his idea to call her.
Lou said that Mary Jo will do anything for money so that's why he called about the reality show. He said she sounded interested at the time but nothing ever came of it. Then a couple of weeks ago he heard from some other people about doing another show and he was asked to call her again. Lou said he called and left a message and told Mary Jo to call this producer.
Lou claims that this woman was stalking him on Myspace and saying he was the next Joey Buttafuoco. He said he didn't know this woman but she was saying that he was one of 3 sociopath's that she knew. Lou said he only had one conversation with her and he's not sure how she can come up with something like that based on that conversation.
Howard summed up what Lou was saying and tried to get that all straight. Lou was saying that he's not happy about a lot of what Mary Jo was saying on the show yesterday. He said that he didn't like her coming on the show and lying about some stuff. He said he knows that she lied about going on their web site because she didn't join the site to see the video like she claimed.
Lou went on and on about Mary Jo's claims and how he felt she was wrong about a lot of what she said. He said that Mary Jo had forgiven his wife for what she did and now she's going out saying the stuff she was saying. Howard said she did get shot in the head by Amy and she might still have some anger about that. Howard said Mary Jo is also looking to make some dough and that's understandable.
Lou said that Mary Jo said that she knew that Joey was sleeping with Amy and she keeps changing her story about that.
Howard said Mary Jo didn't want to come on the show with Lou today. Lou said of course she won't. Howard said that he must have been hurt by what she said. Lou said he's not hurt. Howard said he can't be too down on her because she did pardon his wife. Lou said that she's never had a job in her life and she's making money doing what she's doing. Robin told Lou that Mary Jo was shot in the head. Lou said she's capable of working though.
Howard said Lou makes one good point. He said that he's saying he doesn't know Mary Jo and she doesn't know him well enough to call him a sociopath. He said that's the only argument he has. Lou said that he agrees that she should make money off of what she's doing but he's amazed that she's saying that Joey was a sociopath after being married to him and going bankrupt with the guy. Lou said she had this revelation all of a sudden that Joey was a sociopath. He said that she's saying this now after being with the guy so long. Howard said Lou doesn't know her and she doesn't know her so he can't be saying this stuff about her.
Howard took a call from ''Lou'' and had clips of Lou yelling at himself. The guys in the back were playing audio clips of Lou yelling at callers when he was on the show.
Another caller said that this guy Lou is married to that dirt bag Amy Fisher and she's out making a living doing porn. Howard said that the caller made a good point because Mary Jo helped get Amy out of jail. Lou said that his wife served her time for the assault. He said that Mary Jo did a beautiful thing for doing what she did. She said that he and Amy have never done anything but wish Mary Jo the best.
Howard said that this controversy will continue and maybe some day they'll get Lou and Mary Jo on the show together. Lou asked Artie if he had anything to say. Artie said he was keeping his mouth shut because he didn't want to get shot.
Howard let Lou go and Artie finally spoke up and pointed out that Lou's line about ''This woman can work'' was funny.
George told Howard that he got another invitation to do the William Shatner ''Raw Nerves'' show. He said he told his agent that he has only one condition to do the show and that is to have Howard Stern on with him. He also said that they have to do it in New York because Howard won't travel. Howard said he's still willing to do that show and he'll be well prepared to do it. He said he may even bring Lou Bellera with him.
Howard had Dominic Barbara on the phone. Dominic was talking to Lou, who was long gone, and saying that Mary Jo went in and spoke to some people about getting Amy Fisher out of jail. He said she didn't just send a letter, she went in and spoke to people about that.
Howard said it was really unbelievable what Mary Jo did for Amy. Dominic said that Amy would have maxed out at 15 years if Mary Jo hadn't gone in and lobbied to get her out. Dominic said that they were going to max her out because of what she was doing in there. Dominic said that they can never take away what Mary Jo did for Amy. Lou was making it sound like it was just a letter she sent.
Howard said that Dominic and his wife Leslie are back together now. Dominic said he's writing a book about that. He said he's going to talk about his friendship with Howard and Robin in that book too.
Howard said that while he was watching it he felt he was watching many different movies like Iron Man or Star Wars. He said that this is the movie that George Lucas should go see to get some ideas on how to make a Star Wars movie. Robin said George should just stay home and not make another movie.
Howard said he was working in Washington DC and very nervous about the future. He said that he was eating a lot back then and had gained a lot of weight. Howard said that he would tell Robin that he had sore throats and colds and he didn't understand nutrition. He said he was taking antibiotics and stuff to get through the day and that wasn't working. He said he felt a lot of pressure down there. Howard said that his boss scared him and he didn't understand the guy. He said the guy seemed to resent him on a personal level and couldn't deal with him.
Howard said he was getting mentioned in the news and his boss, Goff Labar, was upset that his name wasn't being mentioned. Howard said those were the days when he was learning what he was going to be doing on the air.
Howard said he was getting sick all the time back then and he was always taking drugs to get over the illnesses he was having. He said he was confused back then and thought that if he was a big, stocky guy that he'd be healthy. He thought that being too thin was bad. He said he was eating things like Roy Rogers food or McDonald's and things like that. He said he was eating buckets of Chinese food or spaghetti from an Italian place. Howard said he was eating a ton of food.
Howard said he was up to over 250 pounds back then and his thighs would rub together. Robin used to point that out to him. Robin said that Howard would make a swishing sound as he walked down the hallway.
Howard said one day his parents pulled him into a room and told him that he had to do something about his weight. Howard said he worshiped what his parents had to say so he almost shit his pants when they pulled him into the room. Howard said his mother told him that they were worried about his health. He said that his mother told him he looked terrible and he was getting too big. Howard said his mother told him to pull it together and stop eating so much. His father agreed. Howard did impressions of both of his parents telling him what to do.
Howard said his wife never said anything to him about that. He said that they were both caught up in things and he obviously had a problem. Howard said his parents ripped him apart for a half hour and as soon as he heard that, he got into action to take care of it.
Howard said his wife at the time was very kind to him. His parents weren't so kind. He said that they told him that he was fat but he was lost and in a sea of confusion. Howard said he didn't know what to do or what to say. He left and panicked.
Howard said his friend Dr. Lew told him to go to this guy in Queens. He went in for a check up and the guy told him he was dying. He said he had no immune system left. He said he had pneumonia and had no ability to fight it. Howard said the doctor told him to get someone to teach him how to eat right and to stop taking the antibiotics.
Howard said he didn't know what it meant to go to a trainer. He said he thought he was going to have to cut down on the fried chicken he was eating. He figured he'd go from 20 pieces to 4 or something like that.
Howard said he thought he had to go to a health club and start running and stuff like that. He didn't want people seeing his fat ass though. Howard said he used to play racquetball and stuff but he had given that stuff up too.
Howard said he walked in the gym and asked if anyone could help him. Howard said a guy told him that he had to eat a whole chicken every day. Howard said okay to that. The guy told him about his thin neck and told him to lay down on a bench and lift things with his neck. Howard said the guy was out of his mind. He said he was actually doing the neck thing and some other guy asked what he was doing. The guy told him that was pointless.
Howard said he met this guy in the locker room and asked him to teach him how to get into shape. Howard said the guy said he was thinking of getting into business doing that. Howard said it was this guy Steve that Robin knew. Howard said he made that guy his trainer.
Howard said Steve told him to eat baked potatoes. He said the guy told him what to eat and said it was fine to eat a lot of food, he just needed to eat ''clean.'' Howard said he started to jog and eat right and he stopped having the colds that he was having constantly. He said he still had them once in a while though.
George said that this was something he didn't know. This was a good story to hear. He told Artie to listen to this and use Howard as a role model. Artie told George that Howard is his role model for comedy, not for eating.
Howard said from that day forth he has tried to eat healthy and work out and that's how he's gotten into shape over the years. He said he knows he doesn't look that great and may look like a praying mantis but he's in shape.
Howard said he thought he was making himself into a big, tough man when he was eating all of that junk. Robin said Howard would do whatever he had to do to get that food. She said they were getting food up at the radio station and they'd bring up tons of junk. Howard couldn't wait to get the food and he would use his hands to eat it. She said that he would eat cake with his hands if there wasn't a fork around.
Howard said he thought that eating was going to make him healthy. He was desperate to be healthy and it wasn't working. Howard said food can be the enemy if you don't know what you're doing.
Howard said that guy Steve ended up being a millionaire. He said the guy started his own gym and he eventually sold that and moved to North Carolina last he heard.
Howard said that eating right and working out is the way he changed his life. He said that he has always had tremendous mental discipline. He said he just didn't know what to do. He said he had to have that guy Steve help him. Howard said if he was in jail he would be the best prisoner in there. He said that if they gave him a routine to do, that's what he would do just the way they told him to. He said he is very disciplined.
Pete asked Howard about doing drugs when he was younger and asked why he was doing them. Howard said he must have been very unhappy at the time. He said this has come out in therapy. He said he doesn't allow himself to feel anything. He said he doesn't let people know his attachment to them and he keeps all of that bottled up.
Howard said he smoked a lot of weed and other drugs when he was young. He said he was doing that stuff for about 5 years. Howard said he quit because he hated doing it. He said that when he took LSD he almost lost his mind. He said he did 4 hits of blotter acid and got sick. He said he knows that a chunk of his brain was shot after that. Howard said he would plead with kids not to do that stuff. He said that maybe weed is okay but the hard stuff just fucks you up.
Howard said he took acid again when ''2001 a Space Odyssey'' came out. Howard said that was actually a good experience because he just took the right amount. He said the time he did the 4 hits he was really fucked up and he almost had to go to the hospital.
Artie said he took acid once and he heard a lot of stories about people losing their minds completely after taking it. He said that stuff can fuck you up for the rest of your life.
Howard said that taking the acid scared him a lot. He said that he wanted to be a part of being cool and that's why he may have done it. Howard said he was never cool. He said that this is insane what he is when you look at him. He said he smoked cigarettes to look cool. Artie said ''and you did...''
Howard said he also took the drugs and got chicks because of that. He said that he had a chick bang him just because he had drugs. He said she ended up crying after that. She realized what he was and figured he wasn't a cool guy like she thought he was.
Howard said he was misguided and he had to figure out the world for himself. George said that so many people give up so it was amazing that Howard had that drive to figure it all out.
Howard said his parents never helped him figure this stuff out. He said he was always confused about stuff. He said he and his father never did things together. Howard said his mother would get into his brain and tell him about what not to do. He said she'd throw in the holocaust as well.
Howard told Pete that he should go out and eat a whole chicken. He said that was his advice for him this morning. Howard told him to eat everything from the beak to the talons. He had to go to break a short time later.
Brian was up in Boston and said that he should be in New York by now. He said that they got trapped there because of the bad weather last night. He said they sat on the ground for a couple of hours last night. He said they just went back to the hotel after sitting around for a couple of hours.
Howard asked Brian if he's having a good time with the guys in the band. Brian said they are. They're just having a fun time out on the road. They're doing a big show tomorrow night at Giants Stadium tomorrow night in New Jersey.
Howard asked if they're going to shoot off cannons during the show. Brian said of course they are. He said he thinks that they shoot off marshmallows or something so they don't hurt each other.
Howard told Brian that Jim Breuer was on the show telling them about his dinner with him. He told Brian that Jim's wife became really religious recently. Brian didn't know that.
Howard asked Brian about what else he's up to. Brian said that he's got a couple of books coming out including one about motorcars. Howard said he heard that he's thinking about retirement too. Brian said he's not sure if this will be the last tour or not. He said he's going to be 62 in October and he's not sure if his body can take it anymore.
Artie said he saw the guys about 5 years ago and they were great. He said it was non-stop fun. Howard asked how many songs they do. Brian said they do at least 20 and they're on stage for 2 hours. He said that's enough after 2 hours.
Howard gave Brian some plugs for the show tomorrow and Brian said that ''Giant Stadium'' is a proper name for a stadium. Unlike ''Gillette Stadium'' up in Boston. Howard said you can get tickets at LiveNation.com.
Brian said that they've been enjoying doing these shows. He said they have a couple of bands opening up for them. He said they have Anvil as one of the bands and they have a documentary out that's really good. Artie said he heard that was a good movie.
Howard asked Brian if he ever shakes in his pants wondering what he would be doing if he hadn't hit it big with this band. Robin said he was lucky that Bon Scott passed away because he was able to come in and take over. Howard asked if all of the guys in the band can understand each other. Brian said of course they can.
Howard told Brian to rest up for the show. Artie may be going to the show tomorrow night. Brian said there will be a lot of Jerseyans there. Howard said he thinks that Brian is going to be retiring in a couple of weeks. He gave him some more plugs and let him go a short time later. Brian told him ''Don't be shy... your mother wasn't!''
Artie said that band lucked out with Brian because they had one of the greatest albums of all time when he joined the band after Bon Scott died.
Howard said he had a clip of Ivy being wheeled out of her apartment by the cops. Steve actually had tape of her yelling to people to call her attorney. Steve said that someone turned Ivy into the cops saying she might be mentally ill. Steve had clips of Ivy leaving voice mails for him telling him what was going on with the cops at her door.
Steve reported that Ivy was taking to Bellvue hospital but she was not under arrest. Howard said the article was saying that she's bipolar and she's off her medication. Howard said she was arrested for sneaking a recording into the Bernie Madoff sentencing a few weeks ago.
Howard said the whole Underdog Lady thing is crazy too. He said that she has these cats and one bit her and got her finger infected. Now she's in the hospital and they won't release her. Howard said she's very upset about the whole thing.
Howard played some audio of Underdog Lady (Suzanne Muldowney) that Shuli had gotten in an interview. She's been in the hospital and rehab center for 2 weeks now. Her finger was badly infected. Underdog said that she was told she had to stay in for 10 days and that would be this coming Friday. She says she has some very important appearances to make. She said that the doctors were doddling and not helping her out fast enough.
Howard said Shuli has a second report about her that was even sadder. Howard said he feels bad for her but he's never heard of a person being hospitalized for an infected finger like this. He thinks that it might be stress related.
Howard played Shuli's second report where he asked Underdog if she wanted him to get her help to get out of the hospital. Shuli was asking her if they should be busting her out of there. Suzanne didn't know what to say. She said she had never been attacked by any of her other cats. She didn't know it was going to balloon into a major medical crisis. She said they wouldn't let her go home because of the IVs she had in her. Suzanne said they hinted that she might be able to go home soon but she had some other appointments. She was near tears while she was talking to Shuli.
Howard said it's hard for him to understand all of this. He said it's very sad. Gary said that Seth Rogen had to get going soon so they didn't have a loot of time for him and Judd Apatow. Howard said he'd take a break and get right to them so they can promote ''Funny People.''
Howard came back and had Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow come in. Robin said Seth was disappearing because he had lost so much weight. Howard said hi to the two of them and Judd mentioned that he was on the flight with Robin when she came back from L.A. on Sunday night. Seth told him that was kind of creepy that he was leaving her alone and just staring at her instead.
Howard said they were talking about the limited schedule that Judd and Seth are on. They figured that they were busy going to the bank every 15 minutes.
Howard said Seth is in this new movie ''Funny People'' with Adam Sandler. He said that Judd used to be Adam's roommate and he had read that Adam was always fascinated with seeing Judd's penis. Judd said that Adam used to like to whack it a lot so if they were going out to eat he'd tell him he had to whack it first and then they'd go. Seth said he used to do the same thing with his roommates and they figured it made more sense to whack off at the same time.
Judd said he could tell when his roommates were sleeping and he would whack off when he knew for sure they were sleeping. Howard asked why Judd lived with Adam. Judd said that Adam was on ''Remote Control'' and on the Cosby Show once in a while. He said that the day Adam moved to L.A. He met him.
Judd said he lived with his grandmother and he had never had an apartment in his life before. He said that Adam had never lived with anyone who paid the rent regularly. Judd said that he and Adam were doing stand-up at The Improv and things like that together.
Judd said that Adam got picked up to do Saturday Night Live and it didn't make any sense to him. He said Adam was just a mumbler on stage. He said he didn't do any impressions or anything like that. Howard said they point that out in the movie too.
Howard said that Sandler went off to do SNL and Judd was still kind of struggling. Howard asked if he ever got resentful of Adam about that. Judd said he knew that Adam had some kind of charisma and that would make him drink and wonder why he didn't have that same kind of success.
Judd said that he had written a movie at one time and Rob Schneider had told him that he didn't think he was ready to do that kind of thing. He said that was his friend telling him that. Howard said Rob must be calling Judd now and telling him he thinks he's ready.
Howard said that Judd has written and produced a bunch of great, hit movies. He read about how much the movies were making and said that he had a good track record. Howard said that Katherine Heigl is going around saying horrible things about some of the movies she's been in. Howard asked what's up with that and if Judd would ever use her in a movie again. Judd said he'd have to go through ''The Ugly Truth'' and figure it out.
Judd said that Katherine may have slipped in an interview. Seth said that he's been doing a ton of interviews and he hasn't slipped. Judd said that he never had a fight with Katherine so they don't know what's going on there. Judd said that Seth told him that Katherine had improvised half of her stuff so they're not sure what's going on there.
Howard asked Judd if he would confront Katherine if he ran into her. Judd said that it depends on how much coffee he'd had that day. Seth said he pussied out when he saw her recently. He just asked her how she was doing.
Judd said that they thought Katherine had a great time making the movie because she was so great to deal with. Seth said that they're not the only ones she's bad mouthing. That's kind of her thing these days according to Seth.
Howard asked Seth about the new Green Hornet movie and how that's going. Seth said they start to shoot that in a few weeks. He's lost a lot of weight for that role. Howard asked him about smoking weed and how he's able to keep that weight off. Seth said that it's been tough.
Howard asked Seth about getting laid. Seth said he can get laid. Howard asked if he's still watching porn. Seth said he still enjoys that while his girlfriend isn't home. He said that he lives with her now so it depends on her schedule.
Howard said they have two porn stars coming in for the next segment to spin the Wheel of Sex. Howard said that Gianna Michaels is one of them and she's a big fan of Seth's.
Judd said one night his wife had popped up the billing for his pay-per-view movies on the TV and most of them were ''Latin ladies...'' so he had to explain that to her.
Howard asked Seth about ''Entourage'' and how they had kind of bashed him on an episode. Seth said he hadn't heard any of this yet. Howard said that Seth isn't the greatest looking guy and he's sure he knows that. Howard said Seth isn't a bad looking guy but he's not a Brad Pitt. Howard said he's the same way. Seth said he feels a little hypocritical because he does the same to people all the time. He felt bad getting so upset about it.
Howard said he had the audio from the show where the guys are talking about their careers and through the whole show they're bashing Seth Rogen. Howard played some of the audio where Turtle was bad mouthing Seth talking about how Katherine Heigl had slept with him even though he was ugly. They were talking about how funny he was and how that's how he gets into the movies even though he's so ugly.
Howard asked Seth what he did after he heard about that. Seth said he called the writers assholes. He said he doesn't blame the guys who act on the show. He said that Kevin Dillon was the one who told him that he didn't like what they had to do for the show and it turns out the head of the show might not like him. Judd said that the guys on the show are all ugly and that's why it's kind of funny. He said that it's a bunch of ugly guys talking about another ugly guy getting laid.
Howard said Seth has to nip this in the bud and not let it spread. Howard said it's weird because that can become a thing and be an ongoing joke. Howard said he wouldn't let them get away with it. Seth said that it's tough to pick a fight with people who have a TV show because they have more of a chance to get back at him. Artie said they have a 5 hour a day show to go off on them.
Howard told Seth how much he enjoyed ''Observe and Report.'' Seth said that Howard and David Letterman really liked it. He said it was weird that Dave liked it as much as he did. He said Dave told him that he really enjoyed it and he was serious about that.
Howard asked about this new movie and if Judd and Seth are worried about it. Judd has had a lot of hits so far and he can only have so many flops. Howard asked Judd if it's looking good now. Judd said it is tracking very well right now and the reviews are leaning toward the positive so he is hopeful that it will be a hit. He is very nervous and has diarrhea over it though.
Howard said that Adam Sandler has a lot of hits on his hand so if this isn't one, then Judd has got to feel the pressure. Judd said he has done movies before where he thinks that they're going to be hits and they just don't do well. He said it doesn't make sense sometimes.
Gary came in and told Howard that Judd had to go. Judd had to go off to do Good Morning America. Judd had to get going so he gave them a ''Fuck Entourage'' as he was saying goodbye. Howard told him to start the interview at Good Morning America with that line.
Howard said that he'd keep Seth around to meet the porn stars since Judd had to run. Howard asked Judd about his wife being in the movie with Adam Sandler and doing a love scene with him. Judd said that it's not really a love scene, he just eats her out in the movie. He was able to keep Adam away from her face by doing that.
Artie said that one time he was with a chick and he was eating her out but she passed out from drinking too much.
Howard asked Seth how he thinks the Green Hornet is going to be. Seth said he thinks it'll be mostly action but they'll have some funny parts in it too. He said that they want to make it in the way Beverly Hills Cop was done or something like that.
Howard said that women must be coming on to Seth like crazy now. Seth said that he sees his friends going out to clubs and stuff and he just can't do that. He said that coming on Howard's show is the closest he has come to doing something like that.
Howard told Seth to stick around for the Wheel of Sex segment but told him he can't jerk off during that. Seth asked if it was okay to do it if they all do it.
Howard asked Seth why he told his friend Jonah Hill not to take a part in Transformers 2. Seth thought it was going to be awful. Seth said he was right about that. He said it was a big piece of shit. Seth said he walked into work one day and told the guys that he had just seen that big piece of shit not knowing that the visual effects guys had worked on the movie.
Howard told Seth to stick around for the Wheel of Sex segment. Howard said he had some clips of some of the movies that the girls are in. He said they have Shyla Stylez coming in and she was in a movie where she's screwing a nerd. He played some of that.
Howard said there is no way he could jerk off to that when he hears it but then he takes it home and watches it and it turns into the hottest clip he's ever seen.
Howard had a clip from a Gianna Michaels movie where she's giving oral to a guy in the movie ''Pop Porn.'' Howard played that and it sounded very sloppy as she was doing it. There was another clip where she was having sex with a black man. Artie said he was leaving when he heard that it was a black man.
Howard gave Seth some plugs for his movie ''Funny People'' and asked how long he worked on that. Seth said it was pretty long at 4 or 5 months. He said that it wasn't hard work though, it's not like it's a real job or anything. Howard had George do a quick announce as they were going to break.
Howard came back and asked Seth Rogen if he and Adam are close friends now that they've worked together. Seth said they have drastically different lives but they did get along very well while they were working. Seth said he'd love to work with the guy again but they didn't get to be really close friends. Seth said that maybe he and Howard should try going out to dinner or something to see what that would be like. Howard said he was ready to go right then.
Howard said that they had two porn girls coming in now. He said that Gianna Michaels and Shyla Stylez were coming in to spin the Wheel of Sex. The girls came in a short time later. Howard said that they were very attractive. He said it was great to meet girls who actually enjoy having sex.
Seth asked them if they had day jobs on top of the porn. One of the girls said that doing what they do is their day job. They both agreed on that.
Seth asked who fucked the nerd. That was Shyla. Howard said they had just played one of her movies where she did a nerd. She didn't know which movie that was. Shyla said that she wasn't sure what movie that was. She said that they do movies and they don't know what the title is going to be.
Howard asked the girls if they watch their own stuff. Gianna said she does. Shyla said she will up to a point but not the whole thing.
Howard told the girls that Seth admitted that he jerks off to porn so it's nice to hear someone admitting to that. Shyla said she still enjoys watching porn.
Howard told the girls how this Wheel of Sex thing was going to work. Artie interrupted and said that they spin the wheel and then fuck a nerd. Shyla asked which one of them. Artie told her to just throw a rock in the studio and she'd hit one.
Howard said that Gianna has been in porn for 4 years. She was a secretary before that. She hadn't even given a blow job to a man before she got into porn. She said that she had given one other one but it was very awkward. She said that the slobbering it up and stuff was all on film.
Howard asked George if he gets all sloppy like that. George said he does it very wet but very clean too. Howard said Gianna had never even seen porn before she got into the business. She said that she really didn't know much about it at all. She said she ended up getting into it while walking to work one day. She said that she was asked to do some modeling and then into the porn thing. She said that's how it all got started.
Howard said Gianna won't do a ''cream pie'' on film. She said that's when a guy cums inside of her. Seth said it comes back out and they play with it after that. He said he's not a fan of that. He said he'd be fine doing the ground work but nothing after that.
Howard said Gianna is a big fan of Seth's. She told Seth how great he is in the movies he's in. She said he's very funny. Howard asked if she would do Seth if he was single. She said he's not single so she can't say. Gianna said that she doesn't think he's ugly either.
Howard asked Seth if he would ever show his penis on film. Seth said there is always a chance. He said he didn't want to say no because it could happen some day.
Howard said that he was going to have the girls spin the Wheel of Sex and he'd give them plugs after they do that. Howard asked Shyla about doing cum shots on film and there are some things that she won't do. She said that she likes to swallow but some girls won't do it.
Howard asked what Shyla's restrictions are during a ''cream pie'' shoot. Shyla said that she has a morning after pill and things like that to take care of the problem if she does do those things. Howard asked if she did double anal. Shyla said ''maybe.''
Howard asked what Double Anal is. She said that was a long time ago. Seth said it must be weird for the guys because it's two dudes with their dicks rubbing together. Gianna said that she's awkward with guys touching their penises together. She actually called them wieners so the guys found that a little odd.
Howard asked what's harder to do, double anal or double vaginal. Shyla said she hasn't done that in a really long time. She said she doesn't do it now. Shyla said it was the right thing to do at the time but she won't do it again.
Howard asked what the problems are with having loads on her face. Shyla said there is no problem with it but she won't do it in her personal life so she won't do it on film. She said it can cause problems like eye infections and things like that.
Howard said Shyla likes to do the Pile Driver position. He didn't know what that was. Shyla said that she likes that position because she's very visual. Gary knew what it was so he came into the studio to tell him what it was. Gary told Howard that her back would be on the ground with her legs in the air and her vagina straight down so you can pile drive into her.
Howard said that the girls wanted to plug their web sites so they had to spin the Wheel of Sex. Howard said he was going to have Shyla go first.
Shyla spun the wheel and landed on ''Sing While Getting Farted On.'' That meant that she had to sing while Will the Farter farted on her. She had to sing ''Row, Row, Row Your Boat.'' Howard had Will come in so he could do the farting. Seth said he couldn't be any happier right now.
Will came in and said hi to Shyla and then demonstrated his abilities. Will blasted out a few farts for Shyla. Seth asked if Will could fart out ''Funny People Opens July 31st.''
Shyla wasn't ready to get farted on so she backed out of doing it. Howard said he can't give them plugs if they don't do this. Howard said that they were both being bad sports because Gianna wasn't doing it either.
Gianna said that she doesn't think that she should be punished because she didn't even spin the wheel. Gianna said that Seth should come up and spin the wheel too. Artie said he's not a hot chick. Seth said that he would do the farting thing if he had gone up and spun the wheel.
Gianna spun the wheel and landed on ''Chocolate Bandit Mask'' which was going to be Sal, as Captain Sack, giving her a chocolate mask with his nuts. He was going to put chocolate on his balls and smear it on her face. Gianna turned it down.
The girls weren't willing to do what they landed on so Howard asked what they would be willing to do. Gianna said they can feel her boobs, spank her and even let Sal put his balls on her face without the chocolate. She said that she would let the whole crew motorboat her over the chocolate thing.
Gary said he wanted to spin the wheel and tell the girls to fuckin' leave. He said they were done. Howard thanked the girls and said that he thought they were pretty tame things on the wheel. He had Will the Farter blast out a few more for the girls. Will farted some more and it wasn't helping. Shyla was still saying no. She wanted to lick Sal's balls instead.
Howard said Seth had to stand in for them instead. Seth laughed. Gary asked Howard if they could save this bit by having JD come in and feel her up. Howard said he wasn't going to change the rules. He said that he had to end this bit if they're not going to do the things they landed on. Howard thanked the girls for coming in and let them go without any plugs.
Howard said that he had to apologize to Seth for this. Gianna ended up getting in a plug for one of her movies. She had fooled Howard but he didn't hit the delay to block it out. She got in a couple of plugs. Howard asked them to get naked and ride the Sybian and he'd let them get some plugs.
Howard took a vote from the guys and asked what they wanted to do. Jason said he wanted them to end the bit because they ruined it and he had been waiting for it all week. Gary said they had to give them something like a Sybian ride.
Artie told the girls to get the fuck out. Howard said he was going to have to end it then. Gianna got in some more plugs but Sal told her to GetTheFuckOut.com.
Howard had to end it before a fight broke out. Howard thanked Will the Farter for coming in. Will has an iPhone application out now too so he got in a plug for that. He said the app is ''The Ultimate Fart Machine.'' You can download that on iTunes or go to UltimateFartMachine.com
Howard said that maybe Will should demonstrate for Seth since he might get into a movie that way. Will wanted to see how many farts he could do in a couple of minutes. Gary was going to time 2 minutes and Jason was going to count them. Will did a practice run and farted out a few to test his ass. Then he started blasting out his farts.
George Takei was laughing and said he was astounded by this. Will kept farting as the guys were talking over him. Seth said it sounded like it was trying to talk to them. George said it was musical. Sal was standing over him while he was blasting them out.
After the two minutes Howard gave Will some plugs for his web site and iPhone app. Howard said that he did 145 farts in 2 minutes. Seth congratulated him on that. Howard said he impressed Seth with that. George asked if he could do that to Mozart.
Howard thanked Seth for coming in and apologized that the girls didn't work out today. Seth said that one of them whipped out a tit so he did get to see that.
Robin asked George if he would like Will's web site since he does some weird stuff. George said he would. He said that he has heard him fart though so he wouldn't want to see that again. George said that it was enough for him to hear that. Howard gave Will some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he did like those girls that came in. He said they flew in all the way from L.A. so he was going to give them plugs. He gave Shyla a plug for ShylaXXX.com and Gianna a couple of plugs for her web site PopPorn.com. Howard gave will another plug too.
Howard said he had to get to Mike Walker but he got a guy on the phone to play along to try and win $500 courtesy of Steven Singer Jewelers. The guy's name was Russ.
Howard got Mike on the phone and asked him why they're running this picture of Robin in the Enquirer. Robin said that she wishes Howard would stop bringing it up because she doesn't want them selling more copies. Mike told her that she looks great in the picture. Mike said that they say that she's not quite fab but there isn't much flab there. Robin didn't like it even if it wasn't that bad. She said she wasn't ready to be photographed that day.
Howard said he had his picture taken down there too and they weren't as nice to him in the Enquirer. He said it scared him away from going to Miami again.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard asked George how his week was. George said it goes by very fast. Howard said it doesn't for him. He said they do love having him there though. Howard said they get a lot of positive feedback when he's on. He said people even suggest they give him his own channel there.
Howard read through some of the mail and it was all positive. Howard said at some point he's going to resent George because they like George more than they like him.
Howard said that someone brought up how John Astin is still alive. He said that he's actually working on the faculty at John Hopkins university in Maryland. Howard said he wasn't aware of that.
Howard and Artie talked about the Addams Family and how great that was. Howard said the show really was good and they had great characters and stories. He said that The Munsters was great too though and he'd have to pick that one over The Addams Family. Howard said if he had to pick just one group of movies, he would bring The Three Stooges over the Marx Brothers. Artie said he might have to agree with him on that because there are more lulls in the Marx Brothers movies.
Howard said that he'd pick The Munsters over The Addams Family if he had to choose between them. Fred said that he'd go with the Addams Family and said that they had a better theme song. Robin said that the supporting cast of the Addams Family was better too. She said she would pick them over The Munsters.
Artie asked Howard what sitcom he'd take with him. Howard said he was out of line asking about that. He said he didn't have a favorite sitcom really, he'd just take The Munsters. Robin said she'd take All in the Family.
Howard asked George what he likes, the Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers. George said that he'd have to pick the Three Stooges because of the lulls in the Marx Brothers movies.
Howard said that the Three Stooges special is going to be airing tomorrow on Howard 101 at 2pm. He said that the number one show on Howard TV right now is the Penthouse special. He said it's everything and anything that ever aired with the Penthouse girls. Howard said it's huge and he had to congratulate the Howard TV guys for what they did. He said that Heather Vandeven hosted and she did a great job. Artie said she's unbelievably hot.
Ralph called in and agreed with Howard on The Munsters. Ralph also went to see ''District 9'' with Howard and he loved it. He said that he was blown away by it and he had to do some research on the director because it was so good. Howard said they made that movie for under $30 million. Howard said that the movie was great.
Howard asked Benjy if this takes away from his accomplishment of banging her. Benjy said that he can understand why she's so upset because of the way they were doing it. Benjy said that he's not sure if they were trying to set her up or what. He said that it does diminish what he accomplished too. He said that this always happens to him.
Howard said that has happened to him too. He said that he had banged a chick that ended up going to a mental institution.
Benjy asked why they had to show up the way they did. Steve said that if the police have a reason for showing up they're going to come in full force. Steve said they had 6 police vehicles there and the street was blocked off. He said they don't know exactly why they did it the way they did though. Benjy said that she was making some statements about the police and it was very scary as it was going on because he was on the phone with her at the time.
Steve said that Alec Baldwin has considered appearing on Jackie's Joke Hunt later this year. Gary is also going to be playing a part in the show 'Z-Rock'' that airs on IFC. That will be in August. Steve also got in a plug for the Three Stooges special that's airing tomorrow at 2pm on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent some time talking about the porn stars and the Wheel of Sex. They talked about some of the other crazy things that happened during the show today too.
Howard had Ralph on the phone to plug Superfan Roundtable. He's filling in for Mutt tonight. Ralph said they'll be talking about Robin and her pictures at the beach. He said they'll also talk about the Joan Rivers roast and also about Robin showing up late to the show on Monday. Ralph said they'll also talk about Artie and Lisa G's bra. They'll also take a lot of calls. The show is on at 7pm tonight on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims he's a cop. He said that they figured that Ivy was crazy so they came in full force. He heard somewhere that she had a knife too so he's not sure if that's true or not. He said that if she did have some sort of weapon, that's why the cops would come in full force. Howard thanked him for the call and took a break.
After the quick break we heard a prank call that the guys made to a guy using John the Stutterer audio clips. Fred also played some Rolling Stones ''Gimme Shelter'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and talked about the Guess the Testicles game they played earlier. Robin said people were wondering how she guessed them and she went purely by skin color. She said they were actually kind of frightening.
Robin read a story about Joan Rivers who has been out doing promotion for her new TV show and she was asked about Jay Leno doing his show at 10 o'clock. She said that people can get bored easier earlier so they'll be getting more sleep now. Howard said he liked that answer. Howard said everyone should avoid that show. He said he's a scumbag for keeping up the ban on Joan after Johnny left.
Howard and the guys talked about Conan's show and how that's not doing too well. Howard said he likes Conan but he doesn't think he's going to last there. Howard said that both Conan and David Letterman are being beaten by Nightline. That's not a good sign.
Howard said he thinks he could fix those shows. He said maybe they'd hire him as a consultant. He said the half hour of bits at the start of the show are killing them. Robin said that Dave tried to kill the Top 10 List at one point and they claimed they had to bring it back because there was a groundswell of complaints. Howard didn't believe that.
Howard said they do an endless half hour of bits at the start of the show. He said he's sat there thinking that there is no one left watching by the time they get the guests on. Howard said they should do the bits at the end of the show.
Howard goofed on the writers that they have on those shows and how he would never hire a Harvard guy to write for him.
Vinnie Favale called in, whispering, and said that Howard is wrong about Dave being beaten by Nightline. He said that they're actually beating them every night. Howard asked Vinnie how they figure that out. Howard asked if that was Vinnie or Ivy Supersonic calling in. Vinnie had to whisper because he was on the bus and couldn't speak at full volume.
Howard said that no one is beating anyone by that much. Howard wanted to know what the ratings were but Vinnie didn't have them. He said they are up 20 percent over last year. Howard got a hold of the ratings and read through what he had. He said they show that Nightline has been number 1 for the past 4 weeks in a row. Howard said that they had a page and a half there and it must be full of lies if they're not actually beating Dave. Vinnie said they actually beat them a lot when they're head to head with Nightline.
Vinnie said that the people on the bus were giving him dirty looks. Howard was whispering to him by then and goofed on him about that. Vinnie also asked George Takei about the play he's working on. Vinnie said he's working on one himself and he'd like to play some of his stuff for him privately. Artie told George the play is called ''The Bus Whisperer.''
Jon Hein came in and said that Vinnie is wrong. He said that Letterman's numbers are up but Nightline is crushing them. Jon said that Vinnie is spinning it and Dave isn't doing as well as Vinnie is making it seem. He said that they're getting really low ratings and they're not doing that well in late night. Howard told Jon to come back in the next time Vinnie calls in.
Robin got back to her news and brought up Megan Fox. Howard said he was thinking about reversing the trend toward liking her because of the way she's been getting attention. Robin said that there are a lot of sites coming out and saying the same thing now. They're declaring August 4th a Megan Fox media black out day. Howard said that's kind of cool. Howard said that the blonde chick in the Transformers 2 movie was hotter than Megan. Howard said he wants to stop the media so Megan has to come in there and fuck one of his listeners.
Robin read a story about a woman in Tennessee who has called 911 too many times. She was reporting non-emergencies too much. She did it three times and she kept calling. The final time she called to complain that her boyfriend wouldn't leave the living room.
Robin had some audio of Erin Andrews calling 911 to report some people sitting inside their car. She said she was told to call the cops if they continued to do that. She told the 911 operator who she was but the operator didn't know who she was. Erin was upset that she was being treated this way even though she did nothing wrong.
Vinnie Favale was back on the phone and off the bus. He wanted to argue with Jon about the ratings. Vinnie said that he wasn't the one spinning this stuff. He said it's everyone else that's spinning the story.
Vinnie told Jon that he doesn't have the ratings for the half hour that he has. Vinnie told Jon about the information he had and how he wasn't talking about the number of viewers. He said that they were just talking about who is beating who. Vinnie said that they are beating Nightline and they are not beating them. That's what he was saying.
Fred thought that Vinnie was saying that they were taking the ratings from a half hour show and comparing that to Dave's show. Howard said Vinnie was saying that in the first half hour letterman is beating Nightline but Nightline is taking that second half hour of Letterman and factoring that into the story.
Vinnie said that Jimmy Kimmel's ratings are lower than Nightline's too so they can't really compare his show to Dave's. Vinnie told Jon to check with the ratings people on this stuff.
Howard understood what Vinnie's argument was. Jon and Fred didn't seem to get it and didn't understand how he was right. Jon said that any network can spin this any way they want. Howard let Vinnie go and Fred said that Letterman should be burying everyone but he's not.
Robin read a story about a baby that was dead after a 12 foot long pet snake killed it. Howard said that's what snakes do. Robin said they're saying that they may file criminal charges on this family for having the snake illegally.
The guys were talking about weird pets and Howard was saying that you should only have a cat or a dog. He said that the other pets aren't real pets. Gary said that Howard TV's Kevin Kraft had a thing called a Sugar Glider. This thing can jump from your shoulder to another and his jumped off his shoulder to a friend's and started biting his face.
Howard told Kevin that his tattoos are getting out of hand and he's never going to get hired with that. Howard said he has to much and he doesn't know what he'll be doing in the future. Kevin said Howard has tattoos. Howard said they're tasteful though. He said Kevin just has too many.
Kevin told Howard that his glider isn't a bad pet either. Howard told Kevin that he's a sweet kid but he doesn't have the look to have tattoos like that. Kevin said he can't do anything right. He said that the Sugar Glider liked him and his mother gave it to him to keep.
Fred read about the Sugar Glider and it says that they do bite and that's a known thing that they do. He said that they attack often enough that they warn you that it's what they'll do.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Kevin and found out that he has ''Death Metal'' tattooed on his toes. Gary told him about that.
Robin read some news about Plaxico Burress going to court and trying to get out of doing 3 and a half years for shooting himself in the leg. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted a tour of the studio. Gary told Howard that they're really full but the guy was saying he's a huge fan. Howard had Gary put him on a waiting list.
Robin said that a Sudanese woman got into trouble for wearing pants in public. Howard said that's really fucked up that they still have that going on in this world. Howard said that every woman should rise up and get rid of the people running these countries. A bunch of women were flogged for wearing the pants that were considered indecent under their laws.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked him who would win in a fight between Superman and Iron Man. Howard said that Superman would win against Iron Man unless he had Kryptonite. Howard said that Iron Man is a man made suite. Howard said that the better fight would be between Batman and Iron Man. Howard said that they're more evenly matched. Howard said he thinks that Iron Man would win that fight though.
Speech Impediment Man asked Howard if he's going to do another movie. Howard said his agent keeps throwing scripts out and not letting him do anything. Howard said he's never going to do another movie unless they get something good for him to do.
Robin read a story about a Google engineer who was hit in the head with a falling branch in a park and is now in a coma. Howard said you never know when that kind of thing is going to happen to you. He said it's too bad it happened to a guy that smart and not to 20 other guys he would have liked to have been there.
Robin read a story about a Miley Cyrus stalker who thought that she was talking directly to him through her TV show. Howard said he had someone who thinks that he's talking to her over the radio. He picked up the phone and it was supposed to be Wendy the Retard. She was off doing something while she was on speaker phone. Howard had to give up on her because she didn't come to the phone.
Robin read a story about porn star Stormy Daniels beating up her boyfriend for not doing the laundry right. Robin said that she got arrested for that.
Robin read about Johnny Knoxville's divorce being finalized. He has to pay her $6,000 in child support and has to give her half of the residuals from the Jackass movies. Artie said that sucks. He said that guy had to do so much to get that money and now she's getting half. Howard said she might deserve it for being so loyal to him while he was going through it all. Artie said he might be right about that.
Robin read a story about a news reporter who was running a prostitution ring in a couple of states and up in Canada. The guy was an award winning journalist and had won a bunch of awards for his writing.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson's death and how they're still waiting for his autopsy results. She had some news about the doctor that was taking care of Jackson. There were people who saw him coming in with two canisters of oxygen every night. They think that proves that he may have been giving him anesthesia every night to put him to sleep.
Robin read a story about how they want to take scraps of Michael Jackson's burned hair and turn them into diamonds. Howard said he didn't know they could do that. He said he should do the same with his hair.
Robin read about the abortion problem they have over in China. They claim that 13 million take place every year and those are just the reported abortions. They have 20 million births a year there and many women have abortions when their quotas are filled.
Robin said that there was a woman who was found dead with her 8 month old baby cut out of her. They found the baby and the woman who took the baby.
Robin read some news about Tony Romo going to a Jessica Simpson concert with a date back in February. She said that they had some kind of ''emotional'' relationship going on back then. Robin said that they are not officially dating though.
Robin read some news about Seth Rogen's new movie ''Funny People'' and had some audio of him talking about why he would never consider himself a mentor.
Robin read a story about an elderly shopaholic who was found dead under a pile of clothes. She wasn't found right away because her house was so full of clothing. Robin finished her news and Howard ended the show after thanking George for being in this week. George wanted to get in some plugs before they ended the show though. He said he was taking Artie's cue to plug at the end of the show. George got in a bunch of plugs before Howard ended the show right around 10:50am.
Gary said that one girl was feeding off the other and Shyla was acting kind of strange. He said that she was looking weird when they asked her about the double anal and things like that. She was trying to downplay a lot of it. Jon said they know why they're there though so it was kind of strange.
Gary said they didn't bring the girls in to be mean to them, they knew what they were there for. Gary said that they could have gone and gotten someone else. Gary said it bums him out when they act like that.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks scared the girls off. They had Will the Farter and Captain Sack in there. Gary said Will is very nice but the farts speak volumes. He said that Captain Sack was kind of a lunatic and he appeared to be played by a maniac.
Benjy said that the one girl didn't mind the balls on her face, she just didn't want the chocolate. Gary said that was weird too. Will showed up around that time so Gary told him what they were talking about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the porn stars are acting like A-list celebrities. The guy said that he always thinks that they're going to see good shit but when they do this it's a huge disappointment. He said that Howard was too soft on them and he shouldn't have given them the plugs. Gary said that there are some people in that camp, no doubt.
Benjy said that Howard did kick them out of the studio. Gary said that he came in and told them to get out or spin the wheel too.
JD said he was a fan of both but he thought that they should have been kicked out too. He said he was looking forward to feeling their boobs.
Another caller brought up how weird the girls were acting in there. Gary said that Shyla looked like she was going to have a melt down at one point.
Jon asked Will if he was upset that one of the girls showed up in jeans. Will said that they were going to get naked eventually so that didn't bother him. He said he wanted to see Gianna's tits in the worst way. Gary said that they were there to do the bit so it wasn't going to happen. Will said he spent so much time putting the bit together and it was tough to see it all fall apart like that.
Gary said Will does a ton of work on that stuff and he can see why he was so upset. Benjy figured that doing the Wheel of Sex with porn stars they wouldn't have a problem doing anything. When they wouldn't do it, it turned interesting to him.
Will said he spoke to the girls before and after the segment and he was more understanding of why they did what they did. He said that didn't make it right for them to do what they did, but he was more understanding.
Jon asked Will what else was on the Wheel of Sex. Will said that JD grabbing their boobs was on there. JD said he was the one who suggested that one. They had the motor boat thing, the ass bongo, Howard's choice, stranger spanking and some others.
Jon said that the girls were willing to do other things that were on there, just not the couple of things that they landed on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they were wearing. JD explained what Gianna was wearing and how hot she looked. He said that Shyla looked hot too and their boobs were almost pouring out. The caller said that maybe they should put down something like a sledgehammer to the pussy. The caller said that's what they deserve.
Another caller said that the girls should have been doing that stuff because they're probably doing stuff to farm animals that no one else would do. He said he thinks that they were played and they were right to get them out of the studio.
Jon asked Gary about something he was telling Howard about during a break. Gary said that there was a really weird moment in the hall where this weird mix of people were in the hallway and it was like an ESPN commercial. Gary said he tried to tell Howard that but Howard didn't get the reference.
Will was talking about what a pain in the ass Will the Farter is when he comes in. He said he's always a pain in the ass when he comes in. Gary said that the Wack Packers can be kind of a pain in the ass. He said that Fred the Elephant Boy always asks him for free stuff when he comes up there and it is taxing on your.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Seth sticking around for the Wheel of Sex thing. Gary said he thought that showed that he really likes the show. He said that Seth and Judd were great because they can curse on the air and that's the way they speak off the air so it's very natural. He liked that they were able to say ''Fuck Entourage'' during the interview and things like that.
Jon said that Seth has lost a ton of weight. Gary said when you look at him he's really not a bad looking guy. He said the Entourage jokes don't even fit him now.
Jon asked Gary about some of the stuff Judd Apatow was talking about today like seeing Robin on the flight out there and leaving her alone. Gary said he should have said hello to Robin but he would have had to have told her who he was. She wouldn't have recognized him.
Gary said he heard that Conan might see another spike at the beginning of the college year. Vinnie said they used to say that too but that's not true.
Jon said that they could spin this a bunch of different ways. Benjy said that it's really not spin and Vinnie is right. Vinnie said that he could say that they beat them by even more than they do and spin it even more. Vinnie said that they really only care about the three shows they're talking about and not the aggregate ratings.
Jason came in and said that Vinnie is not number one and he can't just say they are. Jon told Jason that CBS did win the week last week. Jason said that maybe they should make Dave's show a half hour if they get such big ratings in the half hour he's up against Nightline.
Jason said that more total viewers watch Nightline than watch Dave. Vinnie said that's not true either. Gary said Jason was kind of right and pointed out that you can put two shows up against each other that aren't on at the same time.
Jon said that he loves TV but he's bored by this. He stopped everyone from talking and said he wanted to move on. Vinnie had to get in some more about their ratings before Jon let him go.
Another caller asked why Adam wasn't on the show. Gary said that Adam has always declined to be on the show. He said he was kind of surprised by that. Gary said Howard used to bust his balls all the time but he's laid off of him lately. He said he doesn't think that Adam is interested in being on the show. Gary said he might be afraid to do the show even though they have extended the olive branch out there for him.
Jon asked Gary about what Howard was saying about the Harvard writers that write for Letterman and Conan. Benjy said he thinks that Howard was just joking around about what he was saying. Gary said that he might be impressed that someone went to Harvard but not necessarily by the writers who went there. Jason said that a lot of shows are being written by Harvard guys. He mentioned The Simpsons and shows like that.
Gary asked Jason what the best school is that anyone there went to. Benjy said that Jon Hein may have gone to the best. He went to Michigan. The guys threw out some other schools like Rutgers and Syracuse and places like that. Jason went to Rutgers so he was saying that they're in the top 10 of public schools.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what their opinion of Seth Rogen is. Gary said they like him a lot. Jon said he doesn't put on anything and he's just a regular guy, or seems that way. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy asked Steve to do his real voice. Gary said that was his real voice. Benjy said that he heard that Steve actually met Howard when he was a kid. Steve said he met him when he was about 13 when he was working with Howard's father. Steve said that Howard brought his father up to K-Rock one day and he remembered working with Ben and meeting Howard when he was a little kid.
Gary said he was glad that Steve was there and they'd be hearing more about him this Christmas on the History of Howard Stern. Gary asked Steve if he had anything to say to his fans. Steve didn't have a thing to say. Gary said that was fine and let him go.
Jon asked Benjy if he had any problems getting his balls in there. Benjy said he had some trouble getting up to the right height. He said Sal had to stand on something and he didn't have anything himself.
Gary said that Sal was pretty much completely naked behind the curtain while Benjy had just unzipped his pants. Gary said Sal was also rubbing his nipples and that was a little weird. Benjy said he didn't know his ass might have been on camera because there were cameras back there.
Jon asked the guys if they were surprised that George had trouble identifying the balls. Will said it was all disgusting and Richard's balls looked weird. Richard said he had some trouble getting his balls into the curtain. He said they were very tight to his body this morning. Sal said this is coming from a guy who fucked a paper towel roll.
Sal said he took his shirt off today because he was afraid that the shirt was going to come through the hole. He said it was kind of funny that Benjy wasn't able to get his balls through the hole. He said that Richie had to put a box under them so they could fit. He said he almost knocked over the curtain because of that.
Richard said they couldn't see anything and they were afraid that someone would come up and hit them on the balls or something. They did have a paddle ready to go according to Will.
Jon said that Sal's balls were all over the show today. Sal said he was confusing him with Captain Sack and he's not Captain Sack (yes he is).
Jon said that George was looking very hard at the balls. Robin and Artie were the ones who got it right though. Benjy said that it was very weird standing there and having Sulu guessing at their balls. He said it was very surreal.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard wasn't harder on the girls today and didn't just kick them out like he did with the labia girl a few months ago. Gary said he's not sure about that. Benjy said that this wasn't as specific as that girl's segment was. The caller said that's a bunch of bullshit and he thought that Howard shouldn't have given them their plugs. Will said that he does tell the girls they don't have to do the things unless they want their plugs.
Another caller said that Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow were on The View talking about some stuff that they had just discussed on the Stern Show and they were contradicting themselves. Gary said he thinks you have to do that when you're promoting a movie.
The woman was telling Gary she thinks that he's a great Dad. She also wanted to talk to George Takei but he wasn't around. She said that she thinks that her life parallels George's life in a way and she wanted to talk to him about that. The guys in the studio were laughing at Richard because he had just farted.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that Howard is too thin. Sal didn't know. He said he doesn't pay attention now. Richard said he thinks that he's perfect the way he is.
Sal said that Howard gave him a ''Private Parts'' poster one time and he autographed it to him. Sal said that he also had a book that he got signed by everyone but Fred. He said that Fred still won't sign it to this day.
Gary said that he really disliked Sal back in the early days that he was coming on the show. He said he wanted to punch him in the face at times. Sal wouldn't fight him because he claimed to have some heart problems.
Sal said that he used to make fun of Gary about the way he produced the show as well as his teeth and all of that. Kind of like he does now.
Gary said that he liked that Sal's ''Lighting of the Teeth'' was a disaster years ago. Sal said he wants to do another one in Rockefeller Center or somewhere like that before they leave.
Another caller brought up the Three Stooges and said he was glad that Howard said they're funny constantly unlike some of the other old school comedy teams. He said that Howard was right about that but he does love the other stuff too.
Jon asked Gary and the rest of the guys who they liked better, the Stooges or the Marx Brothers. They all liked the Three Stooges but some of them liked the Marx Brothers and Abbot and Costello among others. That led to Jon getting in a plug for tomorrow's Howard 101 Three Stooges special that airs at 2pm (East). They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.