|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about being back live this morning. They were back from their 2 week vacation. Howard said he loved his vacation. He said he doesn't want anyone calling him during vacation so he changed his Blackberry to say that he was ''Howie'' but when he got back to the city he was back to ''Howard.''
Howard said everyone is saying that they took the worst two weeks off since so much was going on. Howard said he was thinking about what was going on with Sal and his wife and how they stayed together.
Artie said that everyone is wondering about Michael Jackson and what Howard had to say about that. Howard said the first thought he had when he heard about Jackson was about the kids. He said he used to say to himself that he wasn't even the father. Robin said she said it out loud. Howard said he's pretty sure Jackson loved having kids around him that weren't even his.
Howard said he saw one picture of one of the kids with their hair dyed blonde at 2 years old. He said that's pretty messed up. Howard said he wondered what the fuck he was up to with those kids.
Howard said Michael always made sure the kids faces were covered up and he figured as soon as he died the kids wouldn't have to wear masks anymore. That's exactly what happened. Howard said he figured they might be feral or something since they were so protected. Howard said they were actually able to speak.
Howard talked about some of the crazy stuff Jackson had and how he wasted all of his money. Howard said the guy was estimated to have made some ridiculous amount of money and went through most of it. Howard said the tribute they did for Jackson had a lot of famous people there. Howard said most people were done with the guy a couple of years ago and they all came out for his tribute.
Howard said he was watching the tribute show and saw the kids without their masks on. Howard said he was feeling good that they were finally out of their masks. Howard said the daughter was talking about how great her father was and there was no way he was the perfect father she made him out to be. Howard thought about how Joe Jackson was going to turn them into stars. He was right and Joe was talking about how he was going to turn those kids into stars. He said he was talking about that at the tribute. Howard said that guy can get people to perform.
Howard talked about how odd Joe Jackson was looking at that tribute too. He said that guy can get you motivated to sing though. He said that guy just needs his belt to get people into shape. He said he'll beat the talent into you. Robin said he should market a belt. Howard said that would be the ''Joe Jackson Talent belt.''
Howard said he felt good for Jackson's kids now that they're out of this bizarro world that they were in. Howard said he doesn't know if the guy was a child molester or not. He said he did have some strange behavior and had that Neverland place set up with games and stuff so that was kind of odd.
Howard said he may not have been a child molester but he did have those three kids donated to him so he could have kids around him all the time. Howard said once he died there were a million jokes about him out there. He had a list of some of those jokes to read off. Robin said there was one about Farrah Fawcett that she heard a bunch of times.
Howard said Jackson's kids might have some chance of being normal now. Robin said they're still in the Jackson family so that probably won't happen. Howard said that if he was Jackson he'd want to make sure that he didn't die if those kids had a chance of being stuck in that family. He said he would have made sure that nothing would kill him.
Howard said Jackson once hung his kid over a balcony. He said that was some scary stuff. Robin said that in his will he said that he wanted the kids to go to his mother or to Diana Ross.
Howard said they had a lot of people die while they were away. He said he had Steve Grillo go into Harlem to ask some questions.
Howard said that it was very disturbing the time he met Michael Jackson himself. He said that was very disturbing. Howard said he was in the meeting with Don Buchwald and another guy. It was just four people and it was very disturbing. Howard said he and his agent were shook up after that meeting. He said you don't even know what to think when you see what he had done to his face. Howard said he had a chin implant and that melting nose of his.
Howard said when he saw Jackson he had tape on his nose that was dangling. His fingers had tape on them too and he would touch his nose and he would get ink on it. He said there was no nose under the tape and it was mystifying to him. He said that this was during the first child molestation case and Jackson and his people wanted him to get his audience to rally behind Michael Jackson. Howard said Jackson wasn't going to do an interview but he would walk by the protest.
Howard said he and his agent were stuck in the room with Michael and he was just staring at them. Howard said he asked Michael about meditation and Deepak Chopra and Jackson just giggled when he mentioned the guy. Howard said he had nothing to say to him. Howard said he gave up on the meeting and just sat there staring at the guy.
Howard said he told the guy that he didn't want to do the rally thing but he would do an interview with Michael. He wanted to do that over at ABC because he had a deal with them at the time. Howard told the guys he wanted to do that but Jackson and his guy really didn't want to do that. Dianne Sawyer ended up getting that interview a few days later.
Howard said he could have done that rally for Michael but he figured he would have looked like and asshole if he had. He said it was tempting to do it for Jackson but he figured he would have gotten sold out or something so he decided not to do it.
Howard said he thinks that Jackson's death is healthy for his kids. He said that's what he really thinks about Jackson's death. He said he hasn't seen the autopsy results or anything but if the doctors were prescribing the medications that he had and stuff like that, who knows. He said that he may have been addicted to anesthesia or something.
Artie said he's not sure what's true either but they were talking about oxygen tanks and stuff that were there to keep the guy alive.
Howard said he thinks that Jackson may not have even been taking care of the kids himself. He said that maybe the housekeeper was doing that and Jackson would just show up when he wanted to play with the kids.
Robin said that Joe Jackson said that the kids had never even seen other kids before. They were locked up in the house with Michael all the time. Howard said that the daughter saying that he was the best daddy wasn't surprising since that's the only daddy she ever knew.
Howard said that there was a report that Jeff Goldblum had died after the Michael Jackson death was reported. He played some audio of a news report down in New Zealand where they read about that. Howard said Jeff is fine but his family must have been freaking out when they heard that story.
Howard said he got a whole eulogy going there. Howard said that they were talking about how great the guy was and he probably hadn't heard that in a while.
Howard said that the big clip with Michael Jackson was Joe Jackson talking about his upcoming record deal at the BET Awards. Howard said the guy was immediately promoting the day after his son died. Howard played some audio of that next.
In the clip Joe said that he was ''great'' and the rest of the family was doing good. Howard said that he was doing ''great'' the day after his son died because they hadn't had this much media coverage in years. Joe was saying that they had lost the biggest superstar in the world. Howard said he should have said they had just lost his son. Howard said the guy must not have any judgment based on those eyebrows he has.
In the clip the reporter asked him about what he had to say about his son. Joe said he had a statement to read. Some woman came over and read that statement about Michael's death and how Joe and Katherine Jackson had custody of the kids. Howard said that was a strange statement. He said it sounded like they were going to court or something.
After the statement the reporter asked Joe more about his son's death and Joe goes on to talk about how he wishes more people would have recognized his talent when he was around. Howard said that everyone did and they all knew what kind of freak he was.
The reporter went on to ask about some comments that Al Sharpton was making about Jackson. Howard said he had some audio of that as well. He played that clip and Sharpton was talking about how kids grew up being fans of Michael and how he was an inspiration for the kids to vote for a black man to be President.
Howard said the guy was saying nothing but that yelling made it sound more important. Howard said if he were a teacher, he would tell his students to yell because it makes you sound more important. He demonstrated how just telling the time and weather could sound more important by yelling them out.
Howard played more of the Al Sharpton clip and let him ramble on and on for a couple of minutes. Howard said the guy was telling Jackson's kids how great their father was and how he wasn't strange, he just had a lot to deal with. Robin said they weren't even sure what picture of Michael to show there because he had changed so much over the years.
Howard said that Jackson was supposedly a good father but he was also a drug addict. Robin said she heard that the kids may not have even been related to Debbie Rowe. Howard said that wouldn't surprise him since the kids were angelic looking and Debbie wasn't. Howard said that those poor kids are going to the same family that made Michael Jackson into ''Wacko Jacko.''
Howard played more of the interview with Joe Jackson where he talked a little bit about his son's death but then got in some plugs for his upcoming record deal. The reporter kept on rolling with his questions though.
Robin said that they went on the next day trying to explain why he brought that up and claimed that they were asking him what he had coming up next. That didn't happen in that interview.
Howard played some more of the interview clip and Joe just keeps talking about other stuff. Howard said he had another clip of Joe explaining that he wasn't trying to capitalize on Michael's death. Joe said he was asked about his record company. He then got in some more plugs for his record company and said they have some good artists coming out. He said that he just answered the question in that interview. Robin said that's what his explanation was for why he brought it up. Artie said he sounds delusional.
Howard played some other clips of Joe Jackson talking about what they're going to do for Michael's kids. Howard interrupted that and said that Joe might have to use his belt on them like he used it on Michael. Robin said that's the belt he used to beat ''Thriller'' out of Michael with. Joe says that he thinks that Paris wants to sing and Blanket is a good dancer so they may get into show business too.
Howard said that he still didn't know what the name of Joe's record company was. Robin told him it was Marantz but Howard said all he heard was blu-ray and something and more blu-ray.
Howard said he doesn't think that Joe and Katherine are even married and he was saying that they were celebrating their 60th anniversary. She found that to be kind of strange.
Howard did his Joe Jackson impression and goofed on the guy for a few minutes talking about how he was going to turn those kids into singers. Howard said they don't know for sure that Joe hit Michael with the belt but that's what Michael claimed.
Howard said it was great that Michael kept those kids faces covered up their whole lives and the second he died, they were out on international TV with no masks on. Howard said Jackson claimed he kept them covered so no one would recognize them to kidnap them. Howard said he's not sure what he was busy covering up.
Robin said she heard that they were only in masks when they were around him. When they were with anyone else they weren't covered up. Howard and the guys were goofing on that whole thing for a few minutes.
Howard said he had people telling him that they couldn't believe he was off for those two weeks and wasn't around to comment on Jackson. He said that he's not that important and he doesn't get why people wanted him to comment on it so bad. He said he threatened people that he was going to spend 45 minutes talking about him when he came back. That's exactly what he did.
Howard said he felt bad for Ryan O'Neal because that was his one chance to get back into the news. Howard said that's the guy he felt bad for. Robin said he was supposed to have a big interview with Barbara Walters. that didn't even happen.
Howard said he was upset about Gale Storm dying. He said he used to be hot for her when she was on My Little Margie. Howard said the other guy who was off his radar was Billy Mays. Robin said she knew of him and knew that he had a drastic change to his look recently.
Howard said he was reading articles about the guy and he really had no idea who he was. Howard said he looked him up on the internet and he was just yelling in his commercials. Howard played some clips of him doing some of his pitches.
Howard said that Fred Travelina had died too. Robin didn't know that. Artie said that some other people like Arturo Gotti and Steve McNair were dead too.
Howard said that Gotti had married a stripper and they were on and off. It turns out that he may have been strangled with a purse. Howard said that he had to take a break because they had Bruno coming in. He said they only have him for 10 or 15 minutes. He has the number one movie right now. Howard said he saw the movie and loved it. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said he heard that a lot of gay guys were into Fred. Bruno asked Howard why he thought he was gay. Howard said that's what he thought. He asked Bruno what it's like to grow up gay in Austria. Bruno went on to tell Howard about how he had been staying at his uncles house at the age of 14 and the uncle gave him a blow job. He said that he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't held a knife to his throat.
Howard said that he has heard many stories about older men taking advantage of younger boys. Bruno said that he had grown up with a lot of role models like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Howard told Bruno that he saw the film and he knows that he wants to be a as famous as Arnold or Hitler. Bruno said that Hitler wasn't gay but he was a bitch. He said that he liked dogs too but that doesn't make you gay, it makes you an animal lover.
Howard said he saw Bruno interview Paula Abdul in the movie and they used Mexicans as furniture. He said he was shocked by that because Paula actually used them as furniture. Bruno said that the furniture didn't show up so he had to use something. He said that he just asked some guys if they wanted to make 30 bucks and had them come in and pose as furniture.
Howard asked Bruno about his father being strict. Bruno said he was very strict and killed his mother. Bruno said he was there and his mother had a terrible problem with schmutzing. He said that she annoyed his father and she would slurp her food and one day she was eating a dry cake and she was making the schmutzing noise and his father took a hair dryer and dried her mouth out until she died. He said he didn't use that hair dryer for at least 5 years after that.
Howard told Bruno he found him very attractive. Bruno asked if Fred was looking at him. He went on to tell Howard he looked like a white Milli Vanilli.
Bruno also asked why they keep the African woman in the cage in the studio. Howard said that he found it funny when Bruno went on the Richard Bay show with his black baby and had black women yelling at him. Bruno talked about some of the stuff that was going on with that.
Howard said that Bruno took many risks in his movie and tired to crawl into some hunters tents while he was naked. Bruno said he thought one of the guys was going to shtup him in the rear and tear him back there. Howard said that Bruno walks naked into one of the hillbillies tents and told the guy he was afraid he was going to be raped by one of the other guys. Howard said he thought the guy was going to kill him.
Howard asked Bruno about interviewing Ron Paul and mistaking him for Rue Paul. Howard said that Ron ran out of the room when Bruno started to strip down.
Howard said his favorite scene was when he was locked up in a hotel room and had a remote control stuck in his ass and asked room service to help him get it out of there. Bruno said he was on the verge of buying something on the TV because he wasn't able to change the channel. He said it had gotten stuck up there accidentally.
Bruno told Howard he's a bit of a dick magnet and has a lot of guys hitting on him. Bruno told Fred that he looks like jail bait but he's actually 21.
Howard asked who he has had sex with. Bruno said that he and Arnold Schwarzenegger were a couple for about 8 minutes. He said that it was his final competition for Mr. Universe. He said that he was 8 ounces over for his body fat so he had to lose it in 5 minutes so he dropped to his knees and helped him lose it.
Howard asked Bruno who out there is his type. Bruno mentioned Seal and said that his bad skin is actually his claw marks. Bruno said that Heidi Klum can't take care of Seal like he could. He said that the only difference between real seal and Heidi's Seal is that her Seal can balance two balls on his nose.
Howard brought up Bruno's appearance on the MTV awards and how his balls ended up on Eminem's face. Bruno said that his poopenshaft had just been bleached before that. He said that when they did that they had found the head of a David Beckham action figure up there.
Howard said that they did the asshole bleaching thing on their show. He asked if he's afraid of damaging it back there. Bruno said that he hadn't had it done for like 2 days and he likes to have a clean stinkenholla. He said that it would look like Louis Armstrong back there if he didn't do it.
Howard said that when he has gay sex he just jerks a guy off and never does anal. Bruno said that you should never do anal. He said that he would like to be the center in an Oreo cookie with Seal and someone else.
Howard said he was talking to Kelly Ripa recently and she was upset that he had Bruno and they weren't able to get him. Howard said that he gets it because their audience may not get the character. Bruno said that he's not sure how many of their fans would get the bleaching of the ass.
Howard said that Bruno's movie is great and he interviews a terrorist in it. He said he was a real terrorist. Bruno said he wasn't scared because he had interviewed Naomi Campbell before.
Howard asked Bruno about how many guys he's banged in his life. Bruno said maybe 3. He said that he's not a slut. He said that when people see him they want to shtup him. He looked at Fred when he said that. Howard asked him how he avoided herpes. Bruno said that it's very lucky, he tries to be careful and chooses his people carefully.
Howard asked Bruno about cutting the scene out of his movie that featured Latoya Jackson. Bruno said he didn't know about it until he went to the premiere. He said tit was a surprise to him. He said they just pulled the clip.
Howard took a call from a guy who tried to ask Bruno a question but Bruno was interrupting and pronouncing his name funny. The guy eventually asked if he would judge a contest between Sal and Richard with their cocks out. Bruno said he had seen enough penis. He said everyone whips them out for him. Bruno said he was no expert.
Sal and Richard came in to show them their penises. Howard said that Bruno showed his penis in the movie and it was pretty impressive.
Richard told Bruno that he loved his movie. He showed him his penis and then Sal said hello and showed him his penis. Howard told him to stop touching himself. Sal showed his uncircumcised penis and Bruno said he didn't like either one and they were disgraceful. Bruno told both of them to get out of there and said it was disgraceful. Sal was playing with his penis and twisting it into a drill bit and stuff like that. Bruno said he should have gone to Regis and Kelly.
Howard said he thought that would be fun but they got carried away. Bruno seemed so thrown off he started to lose his accent.
Howard said he's happy for his great success. Bruno said those two guys must have been happy for him too, they showed him their penises. He said that they're number one there and in Europe. He said that it should do so well in Austria that they'll be able to take over the United States and the world.
Howard talked about how Bruno ran through a crowd of ''God Hates Fags'' people in the movie. Bruno said they were a real pleasure to be around. They talked about some other scenes in the movie and Howard wrapped up and wished him much success with the movie. Howard said he suggests that everyone go out and see this film. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later but then stopped and said that he had Wood Yi on the phone. Wood Yi (clips) asked if he could suck his cock. Bruno said that these guys have no subtlety at all. The guys kept playing Wood Yi asking if he could suck his cock. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he really did love that ''Bruno'' movie. He said that there was a lot of weird crap going on in that movie. Artie said he was sexy too and he's not even into dudes.
Howard said that he was thinking of Sal while he was on vacation. He said he wondered what he was doing with his wife. Artie and Robin thought he was working those two weeks. Howard said he didn't see a lot of work from Sal if he was working those two weeks.
Howard said he had some audio of Steve Grillo from Harlem. Howard said Sal was in charge of that. He played some of the clips of Steve speaking to some people up in Harlem about Michael Jackson. The first interview was with a woman who sounded like a man. She was saying that if people don't want to be molested then they should stay away from him. Steve and the woman sang some ''I'll be there'' together.
Grillo asked the woman a few questions and she thought that Michael was married to that Debbie woman and that's who should get his kids. Steve told her that they weren't married.
Howard said he didn't know that Johnny Mathis had baby sat for Michael. That's what the woman was claiming at one point.
Howard played another interview that Steve did. In that clip the guy was saying that he dropped his book when he heard the news of Jackson's death. He said his wife started to cry over the news. The guy was saying that Jackson's dad was too hard on his son and worked him far too hard. The guy was also saying that he understands why the kid accused Michael of molesting him and he was happy that he came out with the truth later.
In another clip Grillo asked some people to describe Michael and asked them about him being accused of being a child molester. One guy said that was the ''white media'' playing tricks on them. One woman said that black people raise their kids differently than whites. They all get beatings according to that woman. The woman said that the person who accused Michael of molesting him was a liar.
The guys talked about the clips for a short time and how odd it was that they claim that they're all beaten with belts. Howard said that if Joe had beaten Tito Jackson more he would have started moon walking too.
Howard said that he knows that they're thinking of setting up a museum for Michael and he hopes that they put Joe's belt on display.
Howard said he was curious about Sal and what he did during vacation. Howard said he was thinking about him. He asked Sal if he was home for the whole vacation. Sal said he worked 3 out of 5 days each week. He said that they spent some time together and things are going good. He said that they had some barbecues and she was actually there.
Howard asked Sal if his wife was okay with him. Sal said that they did get into a fight at one point but he didn't want to get into that. He said that their Land Rover had broken down and he ended up yelling in front of the kids. Sal said that she wanted to get a Mercedes and he told her that he wants a supermodel that blows him everyday. He said they can't have everything they want.
Sal said that he went to Honda and Toyota to look for a new vehicle. Then they ended up going to BMW and finally Cadillac. He said he got a great deal and bought it outright. Howard said he figured that Christine would realize that they can't afford something like that.
Sal said that they went out and bought a vehicle and got home and things were going good. Sal said that his wife's friend congratulated her on the new Caddy and his wife started to cry because it looked like a wagon. Howard asked why she would be so upset in this economy about something like that. Sal said he thought they were good with the whole thing and it apparently wasn't good for her.
Sal said that he's going to therapy and the therapist told him it was just Christine showing her feelings toward the whole thing. He said the therapist thinks that they're going in the right direction.
Sal said that she came around and apologized about the whole thing. She was mourning the loss of the Land Rover. Howard said she's probably more upset that she wasn't able to get the car she wanted. Sal said that was part of it too.
Sal said that his mother is going to start going to therapy now too. He said that he had a discussion with her about their lives and she ended up crying. He said his sister also broke down and cried over some of that stuff.
Sal told a story about how the FBI had busted into their Pizzeria when they were kids and busted his father for being tied into some counterfeiting ring. Sal said that hey had guns pointed at their heads. He said that they were going over some of the horrible things that they had gone through in their childhoods. That's how their barbecue went.
Howard said he took some chess lessons over vacation and he lost points so he's thinking of bailing out on that. He said he and Beth had some good times over the vacation. He said he was feeling the love over vacation and things were very good. He said that he was getting a little drunk every night and all of that.
Howard said he heard that Robin was spending some time with Martina Navratilova while she was over in London. Robin said she did and she was enjoying the weather over there. Robin said she's sick of the weather hear in New York. She said it's not summer here.
Howard said that Gary was over in Italy with his family. He said he heard about Lucas getting an ear infection over there. He said that their health care is free even for tourists over there. Howard said Lucas got a prescription and it was only $4. Gary said it was 10:30 on a Sunday night when all of that was happening. They actually have a law that allows them to get someone to show up at that time of night to get their medication. Gary said he's now a fan of socialized medicine. Howard said that stuff drives him crazy when he hears that things are so much better over in other countries.
Gary said that Robin is nuts thinking that the weather in London is better than over here. Robin said that the week she was there the weather was amazing. She said she loved it.
Howard said that he will never go to Europe for a vacation. Gary said that there are some great places over there to visit.
Howard had Lisa get to her news. He asked her about looking like she was toning up. Lisa said it is summer so she is doing that.
Lisa asked Howard if he got Beth a present. Howard said that Beth is celebrating her final birthday at 37. He said he likes that she's going to be eternally 37. He said he has discussed getting something for her on Wednesday. He said that she wants to get a dress that she's been looking at so he'll go with her and then go out to dinner. Howard said she's going out with her friends after that.
Lisa got to her news and said that they have a story about Jillian Barberie being pregnant. Howard said he sent her a note about that. Howard said that the L.A. Times did a story about her and said that they were insinuating that she was less than professional on his show. Howard said that it turns out the paper is owned by the competition and it was just a way for them to bash her show. Howard said Jillian wasn't too upset about it though.
Lisa said that Artie did make an appearance on Saturday night even after his arrest on Friday. Artie said that he's going to take his lawyer's advice and not talk about it. Artie said that this happened after he had spoken to Robin. Robin said that Artie's mom has Swine Flu. Artie said that's not true, she just has the flu.
Howard said he took Beth to the doctor over vacation and she had a throat infection. He said that a woman came in and said that the doctor had just told her that her son had swine flu. Howard told her to get away from him if that was the case. He said they went into the same room for Beth and ended staying in there. He said they told him that you have to be in close contact with people to catch it according to the doctor. Robin said that she was in a theater and they kicked a woman out of the theater who was coughing.
Artie said that this incident he had wasn't even an accident. He's not sure what he can say about it though. Artie said that he was arrested but he's pretty familiar with those surroundings.
Artie said he was on his way to get his mother some antibiotics when this thing happened. He said that his poor mother is sick and he ends up getting arrested on his way back from picking that up. Artie said that he was arrested, that was in the paper, and they arrested him under the suspicion of DUI. Artie said that they gave him a Breathalyzer and it was a 0.0. He said that he's not sure what he can or can't say but he'll talk about it when he can.
Artie said that his lawyer has a number that Howard 100 News can call to find out. Artie said that they gave him a urine test and he was glad to give them whatever they needed. Artie said that he cooperated with them completely. He said he thinks that this will go away. He said that everyone was fine in the ''accident.''
Artie said that the other car was making a left hand turn when this thing happened. He said that they were really cool about the whole thing and they recognized him so they were all good. Artie said that he has to go to court this week over the whole thing. He said there will be a trial but just the judge and no jury.
Artie said that the car was impounded and it was a rental. He said that someone hit him in the Mercedes so he has this other car. He said that the Benz was smashed at the airport when he flew out for the Captain Janks benefit show.
Artie said that he was driving a Nissan Sentra and his buddy Frank Sebastiano was telling him that was the embarrassing part of the story.
Howard said he had a barrage of Artie Lange news stories. Artie said that he can't talk about it but he has a lot to say about the whole thing. He said that he wasn't drinking and he wasn't on any drugs. He said he's on prescription meds but that should be it. He said he's kind of embarrassed about that though. He said that he's more open about the heroin than about an anti-depressant.
Howard played some of the news reports about Artie's alleged DUI and accident. They had a ton of reports that they stitched together.
Howard asked Artie about being out in Vegas the week before. Artie said that there are a lot of extremes out there. He said that he was staying sober out there though. Howard said that's why he told him he shouldn't be out there. Artie said he didn't get high out there but he gambled quite a bit. Artie said that he didn't have any police activity out there at all.
Artie said that when he had the accident in Jersey he did everything right when they asked him to recite the alphabet and stuff like that. He said that he got the alphabet right and he's really not sure where he flunked.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks that Artie isn't making a joke out of this story. He said that he hopes everyone knows this. He said he hopes the lawyer he hired will work to get things worked out. Artie said that driving drunk is a serious thing and it's not something to joke about. He said that they have to have a trial over it.
Artie said that he's innocent and he's not going to take a deal. Dominic said that there are times when you shouldn't be driving with certain prescription drugs so that's the kind of thing the attorney is going to take care of.
Artie said that the papers were right when they said it was the suspicion of DUI. He said that it was also careless driving. Artie said that he had a mug shot taken too but he's had those before. Artie said that he hadn't showered yet and hadn't shaved so he must have looked like a mess.
Howard asked what they're looking for in the urine test. Dominic said that they're looking for cocaine or something like that. Artie said he's pretty confident that no illegal drugs are going to show up in that urine test. He said that Lexipro may show up but that's a prescription drug. He said he's still wondering when that stuff is going to kick in though.
Artie said that when he's able to talk about this, he's got a lot to say about it. He said it's going to be a complicated thing.
Howard said that he tried to get in touch with Fred over vacation but he wasn't able to. Fred said he had a lot going on. He had kids over and didn't want to bother Howard with that. He said he was showing the kids how to ride bicycles.
Howard asked Artie if the Lexipro is giving him problems getting it up. Artie said that he hasn't had that problem yet but the stuff does make him last a long time. He said that when he was doing coke, years ago, there was a perfect amount of coke that would make you last the right amount of time. If you had too much you'd last far too long and the chick would just push you off and tell you to get lost.
Lisa got back to her news preview and mentioned the book that Greg Fitzsimmons is working on. She wrapped up after that and Howard went to break.
Howard came back and said that while they were away he was thinking about the death of Farrah Fawcett. He was still calling her Farrah Fawcett Majors so Robin told him that she hadn't been that for a very long time. Howard said he'll always remember her as that though.
Howard said he remembers how stupid the ''Charlie's Angels'' TV show was. Howard said that Charlie would call his angels and tell them to go undercover and bust a heroin smuggling ring or something and he'd have all of this information about them. He said that he'd give them the information and then the angels would have to go out and bring back the dealer within an hour. He said it was amazing. The kicker was that every week he'd just tell them ''Nice job'' in a condescending way. He said that it was like the guy was a smug asshole.
Howard read a description of one of the episodes called ''Angels in Chains'' where the girls were locked up and had to escape. Howard said they sneak into a prison and one of them was a prison guard and another was a prisoner. He said that they were subjected to horrible things but then Charlie would come on at the end and tell them ''Good work Angels... You deserve a pat on the back.'' Howard said he wants to play some clips of that show when JD gets them to him.
Howard said that he felt bad for Ryan O'Neal during this whole ordeal. He said that Ryan was going to get his big moment when Farrah died but then Michael Jackson died and took the spotlight off of Farrah's death. Howard said that Ed McMahon had died a couple of days before and the spotlight was taken off of him too.
Howard said that Palin is stepping down as Governor and there's no way she's ever going to become President. Howard said that she thinks that this is her being a maverick again but it's really just her showing she's a quitter. Howard said she probably went back up to Alaska and realized how boring it is up there and now she wants to do something more exciting.
Gary said there was an article about her that showed she was always unprepared for work and things like that. Gary said there was also a story about Sarah wanting to give a concession speech when McCain dropped out of the race for President. Palin wanted to give a speech but she was told that the person running for Vice President never does that. She still wanted to do it though.
Howard said that he's glad that they're done with this son of a bitch. He said that he's not sure they've seen the end of her though. Fred said that DePace is probably sitting back there saying there's nothing wrong with her.
Howard had some audio of Palin rambling on with a baby crying behind her. In that clip Palin was talking about Alaska and how they came to be. She went on and on about why they were secured as a state.
Howard said that Palin was comparing herself to the guy who had the vision to get that state for the United States. Howard goofed on her about the noises she had in the background as she was giving this speech. He said that her resignation speech can barely be heard with the animal noises and baby crying behind her.
Howard said that she should do the whole press conference in front of a screen with the Wheel of Fortune playing on it. He said she's really a lightweight and never deserved an office.
Howard played more of her speech and Fred threw in every animal sound he had to drown her out. Howard said he wonders what's going on there and said that she makes no sense in that speech.
Howard played part of the clip where Palin explains why she's resigning. Howard said that she shouldn't have run for governor if she was going to resign early. Howard said this is what people should be carrying on with, not Michael Jackson. Howard said that there are wars going on too and people are spending more time talking about Michael Jackson.
Palin was giving some weird explanation about how she didn't want to stay in office and just collect a paycheck if she wasn't going to be doing work. Howard said that maybe she should have just stuck to the job and done some work instead of dropping out. Howard said he's so glad that she didn't become Vice President.
Gary said that they're saying that they have the 123rd most listened to channel there and he may have been angry over that. Gary said the argument was between Mad Dog and his program director. Howard said that means that if his channel is number 123, the Boston weather channel must have more listeners. Gary said that sounds about right.
Howard said that he wants to talk to this Steve Torre guy. Gary said he'd go try and get him. Steve came in a short time later. Howard asked Steve if it was real what happened while they were away. Steve said that people think he had this pre-meditated idea to do this thing. He said that wasn't the case. Steve said that Chris doesn't know how to use a computer so he has to work it for him. He said that Chris is old school and he won't go on internet sites and stuff.
Steve said that he was let go on Thursday but he's back today. He said that Chris didn't do a stunt, it was a real thing.
Steve said that Chris may have been embarrassed by the rumors about him being the number 123 most listened to channel. He said that they have come up in recent weeks though.
Howard asked Steve what he was saying to Chris that got him fired. Steve said that he was suggesting to Chris that he let him program the channels and maybe stay out of the whole thing. Howard said he lets Tim Sabean run his channels there so he gets that. Howard said he used to be overly involved and Tim asked him to just hand off to him and let him do what he needs to do.
Steve said that he was in New York radio for years so he knows what he's doing. He said he has made some mistakes over the years and he had screwed up on a golf game and Chris has never let him off on that. He said that Chris won't let you off the hook but if you give Chris a hard time about something, he freaks out.
Howard said that Gary once claimed he had Madonna's sister on the phone but it wasn't really her. Things like that happen.
Artie said that Steve is an amazing guy because he works on so much stuff at one time. Howard said he must have an endless day. Steve said his wife is ready to throw him under a moving car. Steve said that things are tough and he'd love to be able to get out of there to do stuff with his family but he's very busy. He thinks that Chris appreciates him though and it's not like he's doing it for no reason.
Howard asked Steve how he got his job back. Steve said that he went on the air with him on Friday, even though it was a vacation day, and discussed things with Chris that day.
Howard played the audio of Chris talking about firing Steve. Chris said that he had ''relieved'' Steve from Mad Dog Radio. Chris said that they had decided that the screw ups he had made in the past were the things that were the final straw. Chris said that he had screwed something else up during the week of the fourth of July and that's why he was letting him go.
Howard played more of Chris talking about his channel and how they had no talent there. He said that they had to make this change with the program director. He said it was sloppiness and poor leadership. Chris said he wasn't sure how he was going to handle the rest of his crew.
Steve said that the rest of the staff is intact over there now too. He said some of them didn't react favorably over there though. They were blasting Mad Dog and they had some followers going off on Mad Dog as well. It may have helped though because they may have gotten some publicity out of it. Howard said maybe they'll move up to number 122 or 121 now. Steve said that's what they're hoping.
Howard was going to let Steve go but he ended up talking to him about how he's related to Joe Torre as a distant cousin. Howard and Artie said he actually looks a little bit like Joe Torre. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard replayed the clip and it did sound like a fart. Howard said he can see Regis having that problem but not Kelly. Howard said she doesn't eat anything so she can't be farting. Howard said he's going to choose to believe that it was her mic pack going dead.
Howard said when they went on vacation they had some Tradio calls and stuff like that. He said he only got to play them once so he wanted to replay some of those.
Howard said that Ronnie did a show about used cars and stuff and the guys cut up his voice from there and used it to call a guy about a Camaro he was selling. They played this call before they went on vacation. Howard played it again.
The caller asked about the chick on Terminator (Summer Glau) but Howard told him she'd never do porn either. Howard hung up on the guy saying he had to get out of that conversation.
Howard read an article about Savanna Samson where they talked about her days in porn and how she only looks for scripts with plots now. Howard read a comment from a guy at Vivid Entertainment who was saying that Savanna is out of it if she thinks that they're going to shoot more plots. He said that people want short sex scenes and not heavy plots.
Howard said the movies with plots don't do it for him. He said he fast forwards through that stuff. He said that Jenna Jameson was in a musical one time and the movie was terrible.
Howard said they get a lot of mail there and they get a lot of porn. He said they don't usually get good stuff. He said the people know what this show is and that's why they get what they get. That led to him playing a clip they were playing before vacation of a chick howling like a dog while having anal sex.
Howard said he was looking through the ''glom box'' of stuff they get. He read off the list of the movies that were in there the day he looked at it. They had some vulva shaped crayons and some coloring books of vaginas and cocks. He said that the next thing was some coffee mugs from God's Love We Deliver that were in the same glom box. Howard wondered how that stuff ends up in the same box.
Howard read some more of the stuff he saw in the box. He said his favorite title was ''Milfs Wide Open.'' There were a bunch of other titles that he liked as well.
Howard read that David Bowie's son had directed a movie. Robin said she read about that in the news one day. Howard said he saw the movie, ''Moon,'' and it was actually very good. Howard explained what the movie was about and said that the kid has some talent. He said the movie is a little low budget looking but the kid might be on to something.
Howard said that McNamera was around for the whole Cuban Missile Crisis. Howard said the country was paranoid about the Russians blowing them off the map at the time. Howard said that we installed nuclear weapons in Turkey back then. That was to allow us to blow those fuckers up if they did anything wrong. Howard said that the Russians looked at that as a very aggressive move and they asked Castro if they could put some nuclear weapons in Cuba. Castro was fine with that and they were only 90 miles off the coast of Miami. Howard said that was Russia's answer to our weapons in Turkey.
Howard said McNamera looked at that and actually backed off the Turkey weapons. Howard said that McNamera got it all under control and that led to things being a little bit more manageable. Howard said the guy was flawed but he did do some good things.
Artie told Howard that he should see the movie ''Thirteen Days.'' Howard said he won't watch that movie because Spider-Man isn't in it.
Howard said he couldn't believe these are the jokes that they compiled there. He only had one page. He thought they had thousands.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Artie about his accident. He asked why he had a Sentra as a rental. Artie said that's what they had the quickest as a rental. King said he should have had another Mercedes to drive. Artie said they don't do that. Howard said he loves King but he was off topic so he hung up on him.
Howard read some of the other jokes about Michael Jackson. Almost all of them were about child molesting. Some of them were getting some laughs. Howard read some of the jokes about him being melted down into plastic so he could be turned into blocks for kids to play with and things like that.
There were also jokes about kids pants being half off as a tribute to Jackson. There were a lot of jokes about him being melted down into plastic which didn't make sense to Howard.
Howard said he had to remind everyone that they didn't have any evidence that he had actually molested kids. He continued to read the molestation jokes about him. He had a ton of those jokes. Artie said he thinks they get the basic theme of the jokes. They all seem to be about the same things.
Howard read through some more and said he wanted to find some of the good ones. Robin said she thinks that they get it and she had heard enough. Howard read even more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're not saying that Jackson was a legend. The guy said that he's a legend as much as Elvis was and they're not giving him credit.
Howard said that he hated Elvis and hated his music. Howard said that he knows a lot of people liked him but that's where he left it. Howard said he wasn't a fan of Michael Jackson's music and he isn't moved by any of it. He said none of it has done anything for him.
The caller said he's not a big Beatles fan but he can understand why they're legends. Howard said that he cant' get behind a guy who dangled his kid over a balcony. The caller said that he was exaggerating that. Howard and the guys told the caller that they weren't exaggerating, it was on tape. Howard said the guy was a weirdo.
The caller said that it was sad that no one cared about the guy a couple of years ago and they're all coming out of the woodwork now.
Howard said that he doesn't get any of his songs and he hated that Thriller song. He said the video was good but that was John Landis who did the video. Howard said that the dancing isn't all that great. Robin said that Howard couldn't do it.
The caller asked Howard if he would put Michael up with the Beatles. Howard and Artie both said no way. Howard said that Michael has no business up at the top. He said that it's The Beatles, Van Halen, The Rolling Stones and bands like that, not Michael Jackson. Robin said they're comparing apples and oranges there. Howard said he will compare apples and oranges anytime. He said he likes apples better than oranges. Howard said that's a lame saying anyway.
Howard told the guy Michael was a great entertainer but he was whacked out of his skull. He said he wrote some hit songs and that's a talent but the guy was nuts. The caller was still arguing that the guy was a phenom and they're ignoring that. Howard said they know he is but his music was mediocre to him. Robin said Howard just didn't like his music but his music was great. Howard said he had the best shitty music he's ever heard, but that's it.
Artie said he was touched by one of his song... like boys. Howard said he doesn't care what the listeners think about this guy. Howard went off on the caller, Frank, because his phone connection sucked. Howard guessed it was AT&T wireless and he was right. Howard said his connection is awful too and he may have to switch to another Blackberry with another provider.
Howard said he was reading about this new Blackberry this week but it doesn't have Wi-Fi. Howard said he doesn't get that.
Howard was arguing with Frank but his phone connection was so bad that they ended up goofing on that instead. Howard said that he was trying to argue with the guy but he had to make up what the caller was saying because of his phone connection.
Howard said that Michael Jackson was a weirdo. He said he had to go after that. The caller said something barely intelligible on his awful AT&T service.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he and Beth talked about his retirement. Howard said that he is out of there in a year and a half. He said he's done. He's going to fire his whole staff like Mad Dog Russo.
Howard said one of the things that came out about Jackson was that he was wearing a wig. Bobo said that Michael was bald. Howard said he must have wanted woman's hair.
Howard asked Bobo if he would wear a wig like that. Bobo said ''Oh god no...'' like his own wig is acceptable. Artie laughed when he heard that.
Howard said he really has to get out of there in a year and a half. He said they have to let him go. Howard told Bobo to begin preparing because he's had it.
Robin said that she's heard a lot of good things about the History of Howard Stern that ran while they were away. Howard said that Carol Leifer wrote to him and told him that she loved the History of Howard Stern. They have part 3 coming up this Christmas. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Fred was doing a tribute to Michael Jackson. Fred said that it really was the best shitty music ever made. He said that it was good for what it was. Howard said that he's not even sure that he could dance to that music. Fred said that's why Michael was amazing, he found a way to dance to it.
Howard said that just isn't his cup of tea. Robin said not much is. Howard said he likes Lady Gaga better. Robin said that many of those groups were inspired by Michael. Howard said that he'll listen to Justin Timberlake over Michael Jackson. He said that the Black Eyed Peas ''Boom Boom Boom'' (Boom Boom Pow) is better than that stuff. Fred played some of that for him too. Howard said he was listening to that Spyder Harrison guy over the vacation. He was introducing songs like that on the Sirius channel he's on.
Howard said Spyder Harrison's balls must make Jim Florentine's balls look like peas. He said that guy has to have some big balls with that deep voice of his.
Howard had Fred play some Lady Gaga and then got up and danced to it a little bit. Robin said it looked the same as his dance he did during the Michael Jackson song.
Howard mentioned that High Pitch Eric returned his $100 on the Tuesday after he borrowed it. Eric was on the phone and said that he got the money back with Steve Langford following him. He said that he showed Jason his credit card and bank account. Eric said that money came out of his unemployment account.
Eric said he used that $100 he borrowed from Howard to get a cab to Irish John's brother's house. Howard said he's been kicked out of that place already. Eric said that the landlord was pissed off about it so he had to leave. He said he's not on the streets now but he'd rather not say where he's staying.
Ralph called in and told Howard about another Lady Gaga song he could dance to. Howard said he didn't want to go nuts there this morning. Ralph told him he should do it because it sounded like he was getting into a groove.
Ralph pointed out that Robin was dancing with her shoes off at Howard's wedding. Robin said that's what they do now when they dance at events like that. They put on little footies and dance in those instead of shoes.
Robin said that they've lost a lot of Wack Packers because the show has been on so long. Howard said he hopes that her looks are alright. Steve said he's not sure about that. They're not even sure how she's going to be after she recovers. It's possible she had some head injuries when she was thrown out of her convertible.
Steve said that Big Foot was arrested up in Vermont when he allegedly assaulted them with a wooden block. Steve said that Ivy Supersonic was also pulled out of a courtroom when she was caught recording the Bernie Madoff sentencing.
Howard said he had nothing to do with that and she was claiming that it was Robin's cell phone. Robin said that she saw a babbling e-mail in her inbox and she didn't read through it. She said that it's not her phone and Ivy never had her phone. Howard said he wanted to dispel that rumor.
Steve said that they have a story about Gary's stent and he had one there in the studio to show them what it looked like.
Howard had Jon Hein come in after that. Jon ran down his Wrap Up Show preview and read off what they had to talk about today.
Howard said he saw that the got rid of Jerry Springer on that ''America's Got Talent'' and now they have Nick Canon hosting and he's very annoying. Howard said he has to get some clips of him for the show. He told JD to pull some of his clips. Howard said the guy constantly screws up the English language. He said he never thought he'd miss Jerry Springer because he's horrible. Howard said that David Hasselhoff isn't any good on that show either. He said he's awful too.
Robin read that Casey Kasem has counted down for the last time. Howard said he hadn't heard him in 10 years. Robin said he turned 77 in April and he's stepped down from both of his countdown shows. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Kasem and how you'd never think that anyone could feel connected to a countdown show.
Robin read a story about a guy who had his 11 year old kid as his designated driver. They pulled the vehicle over and found the father drunk and the son driving.
Robin read about Rachel Ray getting throat surgery. She had a cyst removed from her vocal chord. Howard said he wishes her luck and said that he actually likes her. He said she's not all full of herself.
Robin had some Michael Jackson stories to read. She said that they had some video of him dancing in preparation for his upcoming shows and he didn't look like a guy who was going to be dead in a couple of days. Robin said it had to be something other than an illness. They're still waiting for a toxicology test to come back. Robin said that they're looking into his addictions into anesthesia now. Robin said she has heard from some people she knows who knew Michael and they had no idea he was on anything.
Howard said that they have a guy coming in tomorrow who wrote a book 6 months ago predicting that Michael would die in 6 months.
Robin said they're looking into the Michael Jackson funeral costs for Los Angeles. She said that they're cash strapped and aren't sure how they're going to pay for it.
Robin also read some news about Latoya and Joe Jackson thinking that there was some foul play in the death of Michael Jackson. They think it was a conspiracy to get Michael's money.
Robin said that the hearing for the custody of Jackson's kids is set for next week. Robin said that it's apparently not that cut and dry that they can just give the kids to Michael's mother. Howard said he's not sure why he'd leave the kids to live with his father. Robin said that they don't live in the same house so that's not what would be happening.
Robin read about what's going on with Michael Jackson's kids and talked about that for a short time. Howard said he doesn't know what was going on there but it was pretty strange looking. He said that Jackson was dying the one kid's hair when it was 2 years old. He said the kid looked really strange.
Robin read about how Jackson's concerts were supposed to be starting tonight. He had 50 concerts coming up and now they've had to cancel them all.
Robin read a story about Alicia Lane moving to Southern California. That was the whole story. Robin said that's what just came over the wire. She wasn't sure why it was news. Artie said that a hot chick was leaving the east coast so that was news.
Robin read a story about a leaflet going around British high schools telling kids that having sex will help them out with their health. They say in the leaflet that an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
Robin read about Steve McNair's death and funeral that was held over the weekend. She read about the jealous mistress that shot and killed McNair and then herself. McNair's wife had no idea that he was involved with her until this came out.
Robin read about Arturo Gotit's death as well. She read about how his wife has been charged with his murder. He was found dead in Brazil and she may have strangled him with her purse strap while he was sleeping.
Howard said he heard that another station they were on has bitten the dust. He said that WJFK in Washington DC is no longer WJFK and they're switching to a new format.
Robin read some news about swine flu and how this could get really bad in the fall. It could come back stronger then. Robin said that some people in England were thinking about bringing their kids to swine flu parties now so they get sick and get it out of the way before winter. Howard said he's read about the flu and it has nothing to do with pigs. He said it's very misleading.
Robin read about Sarah Palin stepping down as Governor of Alaska. She had some news about McCain backing her up in this resignation. Howard played an audio clip of McCain saying that she wasn't a quitter. Howard said she is a quitter though. She's quitting her job. Howard said that McCain won't admit it but she was one of the major reasons he lost his run for President.
McCain was saying that he has never seen anyone attacked like Sarah Palin was attacked. Howard said that's because she was putting the information about her whole family out there for everyone to attack. Howard said she didn't have any answers when she was interviewed either so that didn't help.
Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg speaking at some event he was at. Robin also had some news about President Obama speaking about the history of slavery.
Robin read some news about the All-Star game, Alyssa Milano becoming a fashion designer, Robert Plant becoming a commander of the British Empire and more. Howard said that Robert Plant thing is really lame. Artie said it's so not rock and roll.
Robin read some news about the Osbourne's Reloaded show and how FOX backed out after just one episode. Sharon Osbourne thinks that another network will pick the show up. She had some audio of Sharon talking about that.
Robin read some news about the ''Bruno'' movie and had some audio of someone talking about how far they pushed things this time.
Robin read a story about a gay couple being detained after they kissed on a Mormon church property. They ended the show after that. It was around 10:45am.
Jon went through the list of things they had to talk about today and mentioned some of the celebrity deaths they missed. Gary said that Howard didn't mention that Carl Malden had died and he was 97 years old. Gary also talked about Fred Travelina and how he thinks that he was a big fan of the show.
Gary said they had a bunch of people die while they were away. They talked about the Steve McNair thing a little bit.
Jon moved on to talk about Bruno (Sacha Baron Cohen). Gary said he went to see the movie on Saturday night after getting a review from Richard Christy who said his legs were black and blue from slapping his legs so much. Gary said the movie is very funny but also so gay. He said that he was talking to Bruno this morning and told him that he thought it was very gay and Bruno asked him if anyone walked out. Gary said he's seen a lot of gay stuff on the Stern Show so he thought the movie was very funny.
Jon and Gary talked about how Bruno went right to Fred when he came in. The guys said that a lot of gay guys go right for Fred these days. Gary said that Fred doesn't have a gay gene in his body so he's the last one who would break. Gary said he thinks that Benjy would break before Fred would.
Gary said Bruno was wearing a white jump suit and had some gloves on and a blue thong that was riding up very high. He said that the blue thong was just about up to his neck.
Jon said that they got a call fro Bruno to rate Sal and Richard's penises. Jon said it sounded like he was put off a little bit by that. Gary said he usually sits and listens to the show in his office and watches on his monitor. He said that they wouldn't leave even after Howard said it was enough. He said that Sal was opening his ass cheeks and they may have thought that Howard wanted more and refused to leave.
Jon had Teddy play some audio of them showing their penises to Bruno. After the clip Gary said he forgot that the publicist from the movie company was in the studio. Gary said she looked at him and said that if she was a guy she wouldn't be so quick to pull it out. Then Sal started to pull his pouch out and twisted it like a drill bit.
Sal said he's been working on some new bits. He said he's had the ''drill bit'' for about 7 months now. He said he never did it before then. Sal said that he thought of a few ideas and started diddling around with his foreskin. He has a couple of other things that he can turn it into like a chisel and a baby bird eating a worm.
Jon asked Richard about loving the movie and how he was in the back chubbing up before he came in. Richard said he was kind of disappointed in his size this morning. It was like a mushroom in a bush according to Sal. Richard said that he wanted to chub up a bit but Howard didn't want him to do that.
Richard said that Bruno seemed freaked out by them but you wouldn't think that would be the case because of the amount of cock he shows in the movie. Sal thought it was great that they got him to come out of character during that segment.
Wheels called in and asked if Bruno came out of character at all. Gary said he was Sacha out in the green room for a short time. He said he had gotten some messages from some people before the show that he wouldn't sign as Sacha if he was in character. He figured he had to treat him like the character.
Wheels said that he thinks it would be great to have him in as himself. Benjy pointed out that they did that one time. They had him in as Sacha and then one time as Borat and now as Bruno.
Jon asked the guys if they would rather have him as Bruno or as Sacha Baron Cohen. Richard said it was great having him there so he'd be afraid to talk to him as himself. He said he's brilliant and it would be great to talk to him.
Sal said he's not as big of a fan but he loves his work and he's going to go see the movie this Friday. Gary said he was star struck today when he saw him because he had just seen the movie.
Richard said that he has done movies as all of his characters like Ali G so he's not sure what he's going to do next.
Sal said he'd like to find out if he puts those characters together from beginning to end and makes it all up. Gary said he thinks that he's just that quick that he comes up with it. He said that he didn't even have to do this show today and they were the last stop on the promotion tour.
Sal also talked about his wife being upset about the new car and missing the Land Rover. Sal said he's pretty sure she wouldn't have been crying if that was a Mercedes in the driveway instead of the Cadillac.
Gary said that when he was over in Italy he saw John Kaczynski from ''The Office.'' He said that his son recognized him but he didn't since he doesn't watch the show regularly himself.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a friend in Las Vegas who swears that Artie is off the wagon but it seems like Howard is trying to cover it up. Gary said he doesn't know anything himself. Jon said that Artie claims he was on the wagon and didn't fall off out there. He said they did find out some of the stuff about his ''accident'' and DUI this morning.
Gary said that he thinks that Artie has to go in for something at court on Thursday but he's not sure exactly what that involves.
Another caller said that Borat and Bruno are using some actual language when Sacha is speaking. He said he uses a mix of words in his dialog and most of it is real.
Richard mentioned that there was a scene in the movie when they do a psychic thing and it was discussed by Seth Rogen when he was on the show. Gary said that was one of the funniest scenes in the movie too.
Jon asked the guys if they think that too many people are in on the joke now and they'll recognize him. Gary said that he's pretty sure he can still find people that have no idea who he is. Richard said there are places in Alabama that will never know who he is.
Sal said that he was in Millville, New Jersey and the people were like that down there. He said that half of them were like Hillbillies and the other half were just crazy.
Sal was talking about his grandmother dying and how the only place white people can rest in peace is in a graveyard. He claimed that wasn't a black/white issue but the guys were trying to figure out why it wasn't. Sal had his usual wacky explanations for what he was talking about. He said there were no white people around down in Millville and he just wanted to drive through with the windows up and get the hell out of there. He said it had nothing to do with race but no one would want to walk through that neighborhood... but he noticed there were no white people there. That had nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Sal said he was trying not to come off as being a racist. He said that he was trying to explain how scary the neighborhood was down there. He said that's why he was just pointing out what he was pointing out. He said he and his wife would have stood out like a sore thumb there.
Sal said that the people down there were poor and that's all he was trying to say. He said it had nothing to do with race... but there were no white people there and it was kind of scary. He said that's why he was saying that the only safe place for a white person is in the graveyard.
Gary asked Sal how he can make a judgment like that. Sal said he felt like he was driving through the set of COPs. He said it was on Walnut Avenue in Millville, New Jersey and it was scary.
Jon asked Richard about his review of the movie and how he said that his legs were bruised from slapping them so much. The guys talked about how over the top that movie was even though some of the gay sex scenes were so graphic. Gary said that the movie is like what you think gay people are up to behind closed doors but it's way over the top and not very real.
Jon and Gary asked Richard if he would let Bruno put his cock into his ass if he asked him to. Richard said he won't do that for anyone. Richard said that it wouldn't be gay if they did that stuff as a bit on the show. He said if they're two straight guys just doing a bit, it's not gay. Richard and Sal talked about the gay stuff they like to see in movies and how funny they find that stuff.
Gary said that his son wanted to go see Bruno but his wife told him that she didn't want him seeing it. Gary said that he'll eventually see it at his friend's house so they can't keep him from it forever. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that being fired on the air is one thing. Gary said there were a couple of times when he wasn't sure. He said that Howard fired him once and he refused by saying ''No!''
Danny the Mets hater called in and went off on Gary about them. He asked Gary who was gayer, Richard, Sal or the Mets. Gary said that Richard is gayer than the Mets.
Danny said that he got to meet Sal back in November and told him to keep up with the great calls they do. He started to ramble a little too much so they hung up on him and moved on.
A caller told the guys he had a Michael Jackson joke for them. The joke wasn't all that funny, the guys weren't laughing. Sal said that the joke was flawed too. It was ''What do Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?... they both come on white crackers.'' Sal said that he's never seen white crackers, they're yellow.
Gary said he remembers the time that Howard told him the story about his meeting with Michael Jackson and Howard was really freaked out. He was the kind of freaked out where he was freaked out by what he saw and wanted to run on the air and tell the story but couldn't.
Jon mentioned that Howard was saying that he wasn't the huge star that everyone is making him out to be. Gary said he disagrees with him on that. He said he had some great music and he liked a lot of his early stuff.
Gary said he felt bad for Jermaine Jackson because the Jackson 5 was all about Michael and the rest of the family had some talent but Michael overshadowed them.
Gary said that Latoya used to come on the show all the time but things happened that kind of put an end to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard's tribute today was the sorriest tribute he's ever heard. The caller said that Howard kind of shit on him and it was the worst tribute he's ever heard. He said that Howard should have recognized he was the legend that he thinks he was. Gary said that Howard was just being real and not faking it.
The caller said that the jokes Howard read about him weren't even funny. Gary said that most of them weren't. Howard wasn't trying to be funny with those jokes.
Gary asked the caller if Jackson paid that kid off with the 20 million. The caller said that he just wanted to hear a legend talk about a legend. He said that's not what he got today. He said he didn't expect him to go off on the guy the way he did today.
Gary asked who would get the kind of attention that Michael Jackson got. Jon said that Paul McCartney would get more play. He said he's not sure of anyone else who would. Madonna's name was thrown out there. Bill Clinton's name was throw in there as well.
Jon said that there was a lot of curiosity factor about the whole Michael Jackson thing. He said that most people weren't looking to hear his latest music, they just wanted to see his shows. Gary said he was in London the day of the tribute and there were some people dressed like him out on the streets there. Not a ton, but there were some.
A caller asked Richard how much he drank before going to see Bruno. Richard said he brought in some airplane bottles with him and he was pretty lit. He said it does make it a little better. Richard said he knows he's obnoxious with his laugh when he's drunk like that.
Richard said he went to see ''Up'' and he didn't get drunk to see that. He said that's not the kind of movie you get drunk for.
Richard said that he hates when people bring kids to movies that they have no business being at. He said that he'll just yell at them to shut the hell up. Richard said he went to see ''Drag Me to Hell'' and some people had baby carriages in the theater. Another kid vomited in the aisle during the movie. He said that Richie Wilson actually went up to some kids and told them to shut the fuck up during that movie and they didn't make a peep for the rest of the movie.
A caller told the guys he thinks that Muhammad Ali would get a huge reaction when he dies. He said he thinks that it would be huge. The caller said that he's thinking about people who changed the course of history and Michael Jackson just sang songs and touched little kids.
The caller also said that the Arturo Gotti story was pretty messed up too. That led to Gary talking about the Steve McNair thing and wondered what kind of details have come out in that. Jon told Gary what he knew and how McNair had allegedly been seeing that chick outside of his marriage.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to defend Sal about Millville, New Jersey. She said that white people avoid that area. She said that all you see is black people and if you do see a white person, they're there to get drugs. Gary thanked her for the call and told her to leave her number because if Sal ever gets single, he'll call her.
Gary asked the guy if he felt creepy doing that. The caller said he just wanted to see if his friend was right and he was able to find it. He said he really wasn't looking to talk to the guy.
Jon let that guy go and said that Artie was talking about how he's on anti-depressants and he seems more embarrassed admitting to that than he is about the heroin. Gary said he thinks that Artie is past that now and maybe he'll be able to move on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to disagree with them about this Michael Jackson stuff. He said the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks that he was just misunderstood. He said that Jackson was also a killer dancer and it wasn't even about the singing. Jon said he was pretty sure that no one would argue that he was a great dancer.
Another caller said that Bill Gates is someone who has changed the world and he might have a big effect. Gary said he's not sure that he's as beloved as Michael Jackson even if what he did had more of an effect on the world. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about being at work another day. Robin said she was feeling up and chipper yesterday but not today. Howard said Robin is busy pushing her hair out of her face like Jennifer Aniston is always doing. Robin said she should stop with that.
Robin told Howard that Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson the night before her birthday. Howard said that he can do that because he's going to have women all over him. He's like the light and girls are like firefly's.
Howard said Jessica Simpson has put on more weight and she was wearing a striped dress in a picture he saw. He said they tell women not to wear stripes because it makes they look fatter. Howard said he looked at that picture and figured that Tony Romo isn't going to put up with that for much longer. He was right because now they've broken up.
Howard said Jessica is upset about the break up and he's wondering why she doesn't just get back in shape. He said Tony is as shallow as the next guy and he's not going to stick around with someone who gains weight. Howard said he actually lost weight over vacation and people noticed. He said he falls apart when he's at work. Artie said that Jessica's job is to be a hot chick so she should be in shape.
Artie said that he's been worrying about oversleeping lately so that could be why Howard is stressed. Howard said he's not even sure why he's all stressed out but he just is. He said it is work related but he's got other things making him mental too. He said everything makes him mental.
Robin said Howard had a look on his face yesterday. Howard said that's because she saw him with his parents. He said he went to his shrink yesterday and he told him that they need to get through some stuff.
Howard said people were upset about him voicing his opinion on Sarah Palin yesterday and the email was all about that. Howard said that's what's on his mind so he's not sure why people are listening if they don't want to hear that stuff. He said he doesn't enjoy entertaining some of the fucking morons in the audience.
Howard said there are certain topics they don't want to hear. He said people wanted him to come back and talk about Michael Jackson and when he does, the people freak out and get pissed about what he has to say about him. He said it reminds him of when he commented about Selena and said he didn't like her music. Howard said people freaked out when he said that. He did the same for Michael Jackson and some of the audience freaked out about that.
Howard said people though he was racist for not liking Selena's music. Howard said that's ridiculous, he just didn't like her music. Howard said that all he did was play her music and say that he didn't like it. He was doing the same about Michael Jackson yesterday.
Howard said he's not a musical snob but he really just didn't like Michael Jackson's music. He said he doesn't care about dancing around in a graveyard so Thriller wasn't that good to him. Howard said that back in the early days of rock and roll no one danced. He said that Robert Plant wasn't dancing when he was performing songs. It wasn't essential that you had to dance to be a rock star.
Howard said they show the rehearsals for Britney Spears and they don't even sing. They lip sync so they can dance. Robin reminded Howard that Artie cried at a Michael Jackson concert. Artie said there was smoke in his eyes.
Howard played Michael Jackson's song ''Man in the Mirror'' and said it sounds like a girl's voice. He doesn't get his music. He said that just wasn't his bag. He said the guy had a freakish look too. He said if he can put on a good show then fine but his music was nothing great in his opinion. Howard said that's just a matter of personal taste.
Fred said that everyone started doing what Jackson did and they're not doing a good job of it so that's why it's such a mess.
Howard said he saw that someone in Congress wanted to introduce some sort of bill where they would declare him a legend. Howard said that's Congress' way of saying someone was great. Howard said they had too many questions about him and they were debating it so they just dropped it. Howard said that this country is falling apart and they were busy debating Michael Jackson.
Howard said that the real legend is Nick Cannon. He said he married Mariah Carey so he's the real black hero. Artie said that Nick Cannon did an improv show that was just awful. He said it was the worst show he's seen and it was called Wild and Out.
Howard said that Stedman is also a hero. He has to climb on top of Oprah and do her. He said that's a real hero.
Howard played a clip of comedian Earthquake doing a bit about Michael Jackson. In the bit Earthquake is talking about all of the sleep overs that Michael was having with the kids.
Howard also played a Chris Rock bit about Michael Jackson. Chris was talking about Michael doing an interview and not being able to answer questions about how wrong it was to sleep in a bed with a 13 year old boy. He also talked about him showing up to court 20 minutes late and looking like Cap'n Crunch. Rock also talked about how sad it was going to be when Michael ended up in jail with his hair growing out and not having any make up.
Robin said she had never heard that before. Artie said that was good stuff. Howard talked about how a lot of people weren't even calling Michael 2 years ago and they showed up to his memorial service.
Howard said Michael's music just wasn't his thing. Artie said they show the first time he did the moon walk at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and it was pretty cool. Robin said it was ground breaking. Howard said that's due to Joe Jackson taking out his belt and making the kid walk backwards. Howard said he's worried about Jackson's kids. He said that his one kid had his hair dyed blonde at the age of 2. That's got to mess up a kid.
Howard said that this Debbie Rowe chick can't be those kids mother either. He said she's pretty ugly and those kids are good looking kids. He said that there's no way that she could be the biological mother. He thinks that she was just the incubator. Howard said that those kids are all white too so they're not Michael's either.
Howard said that the kids up on stage with the rest of the Jackson family makes you realize that they're not related. Howard said that Al Sharpton was up there talking about how there was nothing strange about their daddy but he was actually very strange.
Howard said Joe Jackson beat the talent into Michael and he did a good job. Robin said that Joe stopped hitting him and that's why Michael didn't have any hits lately. Howard said those kids may have to continue the Jackson tradition even though they're not carrying the Jackson genes.
Howard said that this Debbie Rowe doesn't even want custody of the kids. He said Michael left his kids to his mother to care for. Debbie Rowe apparently made a deal for $13 million to have those kids for Michael. Now she's squeezing the family for another $4 million according to the report he was reading. Howard said that if he were Michael's mother he'd just give Debbie the kids.
Howard said that Debbie was a dental assistant and Michael must have looked at her and figured that she was a mental patient that would give birth to his kids. Howard said he shouldn't even call her a mental patient, she got $13 million to give birth to those kids. Howard said that's actually a pretty good deal.
Robin said Bubba uses Viagra. Howard said he has to talk to Bubba about that because his wife is hot. Robin said it sounds like Howard is saying Bubba is gay. Howard said he's not saying that. He just doesn't think a regular guy needs Viagra.
Artie said he doesn't have problems getting it up. He said that a chick just crawling into bed is enough for him. A quick sight of her ass and he's ready to go.
Howard said he didn't want to make this all about Bubba. He said he might have a medical condition from being overweight. He doesn't know.
Howard said he was talking about Charlie's Angels and it was really just a bothersome show. He said that Charlie was such a douche bag. He pointed out that the guy asked the girls to solve cases that were crazy. He played some clips from one show where they had to go undercover as prostitutes but not fuck anyone. They had to solve a murder too. Then Howard played the audio of Charlie asking the girls how it felt to go to prison and be on a chain gang and solve a murder. Howard said it's no wonder women hated that show when it was on.
Howard played a couple of clips from the show where Charlie was talking to the Angels after they had done some insane stuff to solve crimes.
Howard read about some of the other prisoners who were in there with him. He said that there were a lot of business crime people in there. There was also the blind sheik and some mob guys in there too. Howard said that the mob guys should love this Bernie guy. He said that this guy did everything on his own without the mob behind him so they should like him.
Howard said the other guy who is ripping people off is this Ryan Seacrest. He said he just made a $45 million deal. Howard said that's a lot of money for that guy.
Howard said that Richard Hatch was also in prison for a while. Howard said the guy did 53 months in jail and now he's out on probation and he wants to participate in a ''Survivor'' special but the judge won't let him go. The judge said that he's a flight risk so he's not allowing him to go. Howard said that's good for the judge, he likes that.
The caller said he was at a party one time and there were some NFL players there who told him how great it was. The caller said that he went to his doctor and told him he had to try it. The guy said that he's getting his wife to do more things than she did in the past because of it.
Howard said that there's going to be a price to pay for these guys who take that stuff. Howard said he doesn't know what he's putting into his body. The caller said he's fine. Howard said he suspects that the penis is going to need the Viagra to work eventually and he won't be able to do without it.
Howard said he may just get psychologically addicted to it. The caller didn't seem worried about that. Howard said there are closeted homosexuals who may need it and maybe that's what the guys at this party were. The caller said that's not it. It just brings you to another level.
Wheels called in and called Howard ''Happy pants.'' Howard asked him why he would call him that because it makes him sound like an asshole. Wheels asked Howard if Beth had to put on 45 pounds, what would he do. Howard said that it would bother him. Howard said he wouldn't be happy if she gained that kind of weight. Howard said Wheels didn't really have a question, he was just calling to call.
Howard asked Wheels if he would be happy if his wife became a big fat slob. Wheels said that Howard is just goofing on Jessica Simpson and putting her down pretty hard. Howard said Tony Romo broke up with her for getting fat and he was probably waiting for her to get thin again.
Howard said Jessica Simpson had a gorgeous body and face and now she's ruined that. She doesn't have any talent either so that was the one thing that made it worth staying with her.
Howard said that he's kind of pissed at Wheels for calling in without a question. He said that's why he's so agitated. Wheels asked Howard if he would be embarrassed to go out with Beth if she gained that weight. Howard said of course he would.
Wheels asked Howard if he had sex over or under 8 times. Howard said it was over. He said they had a lot of sex over vacation. He said it wasn't once a day, that would kill him. He said it was pretty often though. Howard said they had so much sex that he was tapped out on one occasion. Howard said he just had nothing in the tank that one time. He said it still felt good but nothing came out. He had to rest for a day to refuel.
Wheels asked Howard if he had any games to play on his birthday today. Tomorrow is his 14th anniversary of breaking his neck too. Howard looked for a game to play but he had to take a break. He found one game but Gary told him he didn't like that one. There were a few other games on the list. Howard asked about the High Pitch Eric IQ game. Gary said they had a new homeless game to play.
Howard said he'd give Wheels a shot at winning $500 courtesy of the Man Groomer. He had a Homeless game to play. Wheels had to get 3 out of 5. Here are the questions and the homeless guy's answers:
Wheels won the game so Howard gave him his 500 bucks and put him on hold. Howard played some more questions after that. Here they are:
They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was never a big Pink Floyd fan. He said he enjoys them but he's not a huge fan like he is with the Stones.
Howard said that they're going to be hearing from Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' Ownbey's sister in a minute. He said that Miss Howard Stern was injured in a car accident so they're going to get an update from her sister. Howard had Fred play a song from her but it turned out to be Miss Black Howard Stern (Charlie Superfly) and not Andrea. Gary said that was JD who sent him that clip.
Howard had some other clips of Andrea calling into the show. He had one of her calling in and another one where she was having sex with her boyfriend and calling Doug Goodstein and Mike Gange. She was in the middle of having sex and carried on a conversation with the guys. During the clip she tells the guy that he's hurting her. Howard said he's never heard that from a woman.
Howard let that clip play through. It lasted a couple of minutes. At the end of it Andrea gets back on the phone and tells Doug Goodstein that it hurt.
Howard said that Andrea came in and sang with Trent Tomlinson one time so he played the audio of that performance.
Howard said he has never spoken to Andrea's sister Brandy before. Andrea was involved in a bad car accident and Brandy was on the phone to give them an update. Brandy sounded very much like Andrea. She said that Andrea is doing much better than expected.
Brandy said that Andrea doesn't remember what happened that night so they're not sure exactly what happened. Howard said he read that they hit a telephone pole at 60 miles per hour. They were in a convertible and she wasn't wearing a seat belt. She landed head first on the asphalt. The passenger was thrown out too. She wasn't hurt as bad. Andrea was in surgery for 6 hours getting a metal plate put in her skull. They gave her a 2 percent chance at living.
Brandy said that Andrea is awake now but her memory isn't back yet. Howard asked if she remembers that she's Miss Howard Stern. Brandy said that she does remember that and people's names but not everything. Howard said she has duties to fulfill and she has to remember that stuff.
Brandy said she thinks that Andrea will be back to her old self pretty soon. Howard asked how she's looking. Brandy said she looks pretty normal once she's all healed up. She said she had some big stitches across the top of her head. Her eye got a little bit crushed too. She said that the bones above and below were crushed with her head and they're supposedly healing back pretty good so she should look pretty normal.
Brandy said she may need some plastic surgery but she may not even need that. Howard asked if she's not going to drink again. Brandy said she hopes so.
Howard asked if she's seeing double out of her left eye and still feeling pain. Brandy said that is true. She said she thinks that they'll be able to speak to her soon.
Brandy said that Andrea is at home now. Howard asked if she lost any intelligence. Brandy said they're not sure about that. Howard said he was just wondering if there was any brain damage there.
Howard asked Brandy if she was home schooled like Andrea was. Brandy said she wasn't. She said that Andrea didn't want to go to school so they kept her at home. Howard asked Brandy if she's hot too. She said she's going to let Andrea be the hot one. Robin said the Howard TV guys had a picture of her up and she was cute. Howard said she was pretty hot.
Howard asked Brandy if she's married. She said she is. Howard said they can't have her being Miss Howard Stern then. Brandy said she's not as crazy as her sister is.
Howard said it sounds good and told Brandy to send Andrea his love. Howard asked if there are any other sisters at home. Brady said there aren't any but they do have some cousins. Howard said that they could do a Charlie's Angels type thing if they had three. Howard let Brandy go and said it sounds encouraging.
Howard said he used to read Larry's books. He hasn't read the last 3 but he has read some. Howard said that Larry was on Conan O'Brien's show the other day and he was dressed in suspenders and jeans and looking like a kid or something. Howard said it's pretty wild the way he's dressing. Howard replayed the clip of Larry choking again and got some laughs out of the guys.
Howard said that High Pitch Mike did a Michael Jackson tribute show and had Margie (Margia) the intern on with him. Howard had some trouble pronouncing her name so Gary told him it's just Margie but that's how she spells it.
Howard said Margie was on the tribute and she cried on the special. He played some audio from the show and Mike was asking her about what Michael meant to her. Margie said that her parents used to listen to his music and that's what she heard a lot of as she was growing up. As she was talking about that she broke down crying.
Howard had Margie come into the studio to talk about the crying. Howard congratulated her on that. He talked to her about her name and found out her parents picked the name out and didn't even know how to pronounce it.
Howard said that it's amazing that she was able to show emotion like that because he and Robin couldn't cry over someone like that.
Margie told Howard that she was supposed to go see Michael at a concert one time but she wasn't able to go. Howard said he had the same thing happen to him with Jimi Hendrix. He was supposed to go with a girl who invited him but she ended up going with another guy. Howard said he didn't even cry when Jimi died. He said he's not sure he'll cry when his parents die. Artie said Howard will be like Joe Jackson and promote his new record company.
Howard said he heard that Margie wrote a 3 page letter about why they should have Lady Gaga on the show. Margie said that she did that and she thinks that she has so many amazing songs. She said she may tie Michael Jackson having 5 singles go right to number 1. Howard asked if she'll be bigger than Madonna. Margie said that she thinks that she will be very popular and she may be an icon like Michael Jackson and Madonna.
Margie said she thinks that having Lady Gaga on the show would be great and she wouldn't let them down. She said she's willing to bet her grade on that.
Howard played some Lady Gaga music and danced with Margie a little bit. Artie said it was the worst song he had ever heard. Artie asked what her hit was. Margie told him about some of those songs that had gone to number 1.
Howard asked Margie if she's going to cry when he dies. She said of course she would. The guys played some more of Lady Gaga's big hit songs. Artie said he didn't know any of them. He figured he was out of touch.
Howard asked Margie if she's still a virgin. She said that she is and she's just saving that for the right guy. She's not saving it for marriage. Howard asked if she's ever given a guy a full release. Margie said that she had some family members listening and didn't want to say.
Howard asked Margie if she gives up anal. She said she doesn't do that. Howard said she's attracted to JD too. She said that she is but she doesn't know the guy because they never talk. Artie said JD doesn't talk to anyone. Howard said he's not sure about that but JD would be lucky to go out with her. Howard said JD is being a douche bag. Margie said he's probably just being professional and not asking her out while she's an intern.
Howard did his impression of JD and asked her out as JD. Howard asked Margie what she would do if he asked her out like he had just done the impression. She said she would say yes to him.
Howard asked Margie what it is about JD that she likes. She said she's not even sure. JD came in and laughed as they were talking about him. Howard said this girl is a class girl. He said that she's attractive and you wouldn't think that a girl like that would be into JD. JD thanked him for that.
JD said he would ask her out but she is an intern. Margie said she's done at the end of August. JD said he might have some things in the works.
Howard said he had JD on the phone doing some phone sex stuff. He asked Margie what she would do if he spoke to her like that. She said she'd tell him to fuck off.
Howard said he likes that Margie is able to cry like that for Michael Jackson. He also told JD he approves of him asking her out when she's done with her internship. Howard asked Margie if she would give up her virginity to him. She said she wasn't going to say anything about that.
Howard asked Margie if she would go out with JD or Jared if they both asked her out. She quickly picked JD. Howard asked what it was about Jared that she didn't like. Margie said she's not into really muscular guys like that. JD said she's into awkward, goofy guys. Artie said that there's a type for every person.
Howard asked JD if he's ever taken anyone's virginity. JD said ''Of course not.'' He said that most of the girls he's been with have had a lot of experience. Howard told JD he'd have to be careful with a virgin. Howard told her that she might be really into Jason if she's not into athletic guys.
Howard told Margie that she might just lose her virginity to JD if she's lucky. Howard said they say that the guy you lose your virginity to is always in your head. He told her to keep that in mind.
Artie said he's seen some girls who were kind of into JD out in Vegas. There was a girl out there that JD was focusing on. Gary said he heard that JD was really into her and Artie thought the same thing. Artie said he thought she was really into him but she had a boyfriend. JD said he's kind of pursued things so they'll see what happens.
Lisa had a story about Artie going to therapy 3 days a week and how he used to think Howard was out of his mind for doing that. Artie said he loves going now and he actually looks forward to going now. He said he loves this guy. Lisa asked if he has cried. Artie said he has.
Howard said Beth went out last night to a movie premiere and he hates that. He said he stayed home and didn't say anything to her about hating that. He said he bums out a little bit but he has TV shows to watch and has a lot of fun even without her.
Howard said he watched True Blood last night and this week's episode wasn't all that great. He said he was home having this fun night. He said Beth told him to give the dog her medication for her anal gland problem. He said they may have to do surgery on her. Howard said he hates that because he loves that dog so much.
Howard said he gave Bianca the pill in some peanut butter and then wiped his hands on a towel. The towel looked like it had doody on it and today he's obsessing that the cleaning lady might think it's doody. He said she's going to think he wiped his ass and threw it in the garbage can. Howard said he's really neurotic like that.
Howard said he went to the therapist and realized that he really can't leave. He said it does make him feel better just like Artie was saying.
Artie said he stopped going to the gym and the therapist told him that he has to stay in a routine. He said the guy was telling him that he has to keep doing that stuff to stop from sitting at home and thinking about stuff that depresses him. Artie said he starts obsessing and over thinking stuff and that's what leads to the bad stuff.
Lisa said that they're saying that the Joe Buck Live show is going to be overhauled and they're not going to have Artie back on again. They're saying that they should have kicked Artie off during the overtime show because that's what made things worse. Lisa said that Joe Buck has opened his own comedy club in St. Louis too. Howard said he wants to know if Joe buck is going to be on the second show. Howard said he'd leave Artie on and kick Joe off.
Lisa said that Gilbert Gottfried performed at Joe's comedy club and Joe did mention Artie's name when he introduced Gilbert. Artie said that may have been sarcastic when he mentioned him.
Lisa said that Richard is working on his new album for his band ''Charred Walls of the Dammed'' but he hasn't stopped drinking. She wrapped up after that and Howard went to break.
David told Howard he wanted to congratulate him on his marriage to Beth ''Sperm'' and asked if she did take the name.
David said he loves that Howard is on satellite radio because he gets to hear more of the show than he did when it was on regular radio. He said he loved the History of Howard Stern stuff.
Howard said David is very free artistically and he feels that when he got married his wife straightened him out. Howard said he thinks that David found some boundaries. He said getting up on this billboard is letting him get a little wild again.
Howard asked David if Courtney Cox was a little upset about some of the stuff he was doing. David said that he's up there for a good cause and he's doing it to feed America. Howard asked how being up on the billboard relates to feeding people. David said he's just raising awareness. He said he's doing this with the Snickers people and you can find out more at Facebook.com/Snickers.
David talked about how he's working at a pantry a few times a week and that's what people should be doing to help. Robin was surprised to hear that he's actually going and helping. Artie said Howard doesn't know where his next meal is coming from, it could be Nobu, Le Cirque...
Howard asked David about what he gets to see at this food pantry he's working at. He said that he sees a lot of people come in who can't afford to eat. He said he's seen a mother come in with her kids and they get fed there and it's a great thing.
Howard said he wants to meet David's wife Courtney Cox. Howard thinks that she's afraid of him or something. Howard said they should get the wives together. He said he wants Courtney to wear a short skirt and big heels. He said they can go out for dinner and maybe take them out dancing or something. David said that they're working on a new TV show and Courtney should be out there soon. Howard told him he wants to party. He said they can make fun of Jennifer Aniston.
David told Howard that he would love Jennifer if he met her. Howard said he almost did meet her at the TM concert he was at. David said he saw Howard there. Howard asked why he didn't come up and say hi. David didn't really answer that.
Howard said he was checking out a chick in tight jeans with a great ass and it turned out to be Jennifer Aniston. Howard said he'll give her a break, she can come to dinner with them. Howard asked if they can make fun of Brad Pitt with her. Howard said they could talk about what an asshole the guy is if Jennifer came along. Howard said he would try to make her feel better.
Howard said he can imagine Jennifer running out of dinner crying because of the stuff he's saying. David told Howard that he would probably be really quiet out at dinner and wouldn't be saying anything.
Howard said that they can have a boob off with their wives and see who has the bigger boobs. Howard said he appreciates what David is doing with the food thing. David said that Snickers is the reason that they're doing this thing. He said they're putting out Snickers bars with information on this program.
Howard asked David how long he's going to be up there. David ended up telling Artie how great he is on the show and how great Fred is at doing his sounds and all of that. He said he's more aware of that stuff now that he can listen to the show so much when it replays.
Howard asked David again how long he was going to be up there. David said he's not doing a stunt or anything, he's just up there raising awareness. He said he's in a glass room like a living room and he can go out and scream on a megaphone if he wants to. Howard asked what he does when he has to make a doody. He said he can go downstairs and go if he has to. He's not doing a David Blaine stunt or anything.
Howard gave David some plugs and told him that he has to meet his wife before she gets older. He said he likes her at this age. David said she looks great and she will be in town to promote ''Cougar Town'' sometime soon. Howard let David go a short time later.
Howard said Beth told him that they were at this club where all of the girls were hot and they weren't wearing underwear. Beth told him that they were showing their vaginas and assholes at this club. Howard said it's like the girls want guys to see their stuff.
Howard said he analyzed that and figured it came from the Britney Spears thing where she wasn't wearing panties and everyone saw her vagina. Howard said Paris Hilton did the same thing the next week. He said the girls know that you're going to see that stuff and its become a fashion statement now. Howard said he loves that.
Howard said that girls know Britney and Paris Hilton for their vagina shots and that's what's making them go out and do this same thing. Howard said he's sorry he missed out on that. Ralph was over that day too. Robin said she knew Ralph was going to get back into his house.
Howard said Ralph went out that night and stayed at the club. Howard said Ralph told him there was a girl there with a hot body and she was dancing around some old dude. She ended up falling over and tried to pull off the dress of a cocktail waitress at the club. Ralph told him that the girl fell on his table and her whole dress came up. She had no panties and his fingers ended up on her ass when he caught her. Howard said Ralph didn't want to leave while all of that was going on. Howard said he likes that the girls aren't wearing panties.
Howard said Beth wasn't wearing panties the night of their wedding. She couldn't wear any with the dress she had on.
Howard had Fred play the Black Eyed Peas ''Boom Boom Pow'' and asked anyone if they wanted to take their panties off. That wasn't happening.
Howard said he may have lost too much weight over vacation. He said he lost 7 pounds and his hair dresser asked him if he had lost weight. He said she thinks that he's looking too thin.
Howard said that he had his parents join his gym so they can get some exercise. Howard said his father was doing material for Robin too. He found that kind of odd. He said his father may not have even recognized Robin when he saw her.
Howard said his mother fell down his steps once so he gets paranoid about that. He said she gives him a hard time about it when he asks her to watch her step. Howard said it was very traumatic for him to see her fall. Howard said they look like they're going to tip over now.
Howard said he's going to have his parents come out to dinner this week. He said that soul be nice. Howard said his father just turned 86 on July 11th.
Robin said there were some pictures of Michael that got out to the press. They had pictures of him on his bed, dead. Howard said that's what he's afraid of. He doesn't want any pictures leaking out like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when he hears Howard talking about leaving radio, he gets really depressed. Howard said he's not sure what's going to happen in a year and a half when his contract is up. He said that there was a story in the paper where Quentin Tarantino said that you just have to leave at some point. Howard said he wants to go out at the top of his game. He said ''Just look at Imus.''
Robin said that you don't want to leave too soon or too late. She asked when you know what that is. Howard said he's pretty sure he knows the right time. He said he's going to see what happens but he's pretty sure he's done in a year and a half.
Howard said he's going to concentrate on his radio show and Howard TV for the next 18 months and that might be it. He said he's turned down some stuff that his agent offered to him.
Tim Sabean said that it's actually going to air in the beginning of August. Howard told Tim to come in and play a preview for them. Tim said they have to cut it down a little bit but other than that it's great. Howard tried to play some of the special but it wasn't working for him. Tim said he has to have it transferred to CD for him.
Bobo called in and said that Beth is such a goddess. He said that she's helped this turtle according to this article he read. Howard said that article wasn't true. Howard said they reported that he goes up and down the beach cleaning up. He said that's just not the case. Howard said Beth described that she was picking up some balloons on the beach and they made it seem like that's what he was doing. Howard said they also say that Beth goes around gluing turtle's shells. That's not true either. Howard said that this rescue out in the Hamptons does the gluing, not Beth.
Bobo asked Howard about the time the dog fell in the pool and he took his time to jump in. He asked if the dog was really drowning. Howard said he was taking his shoes off and the dog was drowning. He said he would have saved the dog if Beth hadn't jumped in. He said he didn't want to drown himself so he took his shoes off. Howard said he may not have actually jumped in at all.
Robin said that she saved two lives over vacation. She actually stopped people from walking into traffic in London. She said she probably saved two lives that day. She said that she was in London with that one person and saved that guy and then in New York City she did the same with a stranger. Howard said he taught an orphaned baby bird how to fly.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the retirement thing. Howard said he didn't want to go over that now. He said that he's got 18 months left and he's done with that. Artie said it's actually 17 months now so he can stop thinking it's 18 months.
Howard said if he were to stay there, he would work 2 days a week, that's it. He said it's either nothing or 2 days a week. He said he won't do summers either. He said it would be a gradual way for him to go off into the sunset.
The caller asked Artie what he would think about Howard going off into the sunset. Artie said he used to think like the fans and he would have been upset. Now that he works the schedule, he can't wait for him to retire. Howard said they have 224 live shows left to do and that's it.
Howard said he never thought of Richie as a stud. He asked Gary if he had seen his girlfriend. Gary said he hadn't seen her. Artie said that some of the guys have seen her and she is very good looking.
Howard played some prank calls that Richard and Sal made to a Tradio show. He promised a caller earlier that he would do that since Richard Christy is doing a new character by the name of Simon Buckingham. Richard does an English accent in that prank call.
Howard asked Robin if she had ever tasted cock cheese. That was mentioned in the prank calls. Robin said she has never been with an uncircumcised man. Robin said that she has never tasted that. Howard found it shocking that she had never been with a man that was uncut. Howard asked her if she was shocked by Sal's cock yesterday. Robin said it was shocking with him and with Richard with the tiny penis.
Howard said Sal was on the Wrap Up Show taking credit for inventing the ''drill bit'' thing with his penis. Sal took it out and showed it off again. He twists his foreskin into a drill bit looking thing. He also has a chisel and the ''baby bird eating the worm.'' Robin told him to get out of there when she saw him doing that.
Howard said they have their meetings every Tuesday. Sal and Richard have this idea they bring up every week called ''Cockyoke'' like Karaoke. He said that they want people to sing into his cock. Gary said that they always bring that one up in their sales meetings and the guys just look at them like they're insane.
Sal said they actually tested the penis singing thing. They put a mic inside his dick and put his dick in a microphone holder to see if it would work.
Howard asked Sal and Richard if they wanted to try this out. Sal said he was up for it. Richard said they thought it would be funny to do as a contest to win money and they'd turn the sound down to make the people get closer to the mic and penis. Gary said it would take about 10 minutes to set up so Howard was going to take a break while they did that.
Howard said they may have to make a special out of this. He said that they may also make some of their guests speak into that Cockyoke thing to get in their plugs.
Robin said that watching them set up was just crazy. Sal said he has his penis in the mic stand and the microphone inside his penis and then the wire running down his penis behind his leg.
Fred said he had some music beds to play for anyone who wants to sing into it. Fred said he could also play a song on guitar so they can use it on Howard TV.
Richard was going to sing but Sal grabbed his head and shoved it into his cock. Richard said he's not the gay one for that, it was Sal.
Richard sang into Sal's cock and sang Old McDonald with Fred backing him up on guitar. Howard said the sound was very good and might be the best work Scott the Engineer had ever done.
Howard asked Gary to come in and sing ''Fly like and Eagle.'' Gary wasn't going to do it. He said that Sal's gut was really nice though. Howard said he thought Sal had lost some weight.
Howard asked Richard to sing another song into Sal's cock. This time he sang ''Here Comes the Sun.'' Will came in and pushed Richard into Sal's wiener. Artie said that it's official, Richard blew Sal.
Howard asked Richard what happened. Richard was spitting and said that it had touched his lips. Richard said he really didn't care so the joke was on them. Howard said that they've perfected the whole thing and they may have to use it for plugs and stuff.
Howard had Fred play another song so Richard could sing some more. Richard wasn't sure if he knew that one very well. Everyone else sang for him and Richard tried but ended up getting pushed into Sal's cock again.
Richard said maybe they should make bands come in and sing that way. Howard thanked the guys for doing that and let them go. Robin said it was very funny because Richard kept having to lean down to speak into Sal's penis.
Steve said they have a story about some t-shirts that have come out with Howard's face on them and they're unauthorized. Howard told Steve to get them taken down, he should have the power to do that.
Steve said that President Obama is going to be throwing out a pitch at a game tonight. Steve said that it shouldn't be as bad as Gary's bad pitch and that ball is now owned by Taylor from TSS-Radio.com. The ball will be on display at the All Star Game.
Steve mentioned that Howard's channel 9 show is 20 years old this week. Howard said they had some fun doing those shows and they worked very hard on them. He said that they weren't canceled like some people think. He said that they quit the show. Howard said he and Fred had a lot of fun writing for the show.
Fred said that they used to get the guests for the week and they had to scrap most of the ideas because guests would back out. They went over some of the old bits they did and remembered how great some of them were.
Howard and Fred brought up Fred the Elephant Boy and some of the great bits he was involved with. They had him playing Commander Pike in one episode. Then he was Captain Korea in another bit. They had him playing a Korean producer that went in and bothered Zsa Zsa Gabor on another show.
Howard played a prank call they had Elephant Boy make as a Korean store owner to some people in a black neighborhood.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They ended up talking about Bubba a little bit when Jon brought up the Viagra discussion.
Howard said he was reading that the studios want Eddie Murphy to do movies because those dopey movies he does with the make up, people love. He said he thought that his career was over but they still like those horrible make up movies. Howard said he's been in a bunch of flops and they still want him.
Howard had Elephant Boy on the phone and the message said that they had no idea what he wanted to say. Elephant Boy got on the line and said that he wanted to thank Howard for the tribute to him. He also had a story to tell but Howard wondered if it was going to be long. Artie started saying goodbye to him as soon as he heard him telling the story.
Elephant Boy said he asked for a car to pick him up for the channel 9 show and they sent a stretch limo for him. He said that he really appreciated that because he thought they were just going to send a town car.
Howard said Elephant Boy freaked Zsa Zsa out when he did the bit with her over there. Howard thanked him for calling in and let him go.
Robin said that Neil Patrick Harris has been asked to host the Primetime Emmy Awards. Howard said he liked that kid when he was on the show. He said he thinks that they may have had a blind item in the paper about him today but he wasn't able to find it. Artie found his copy of the NY Post and gave it to him. Howard tried to find it but it wasn't in the Post. He found the Daily News and read it in there. It was about an openly gay man who was going around at the gym showing off his stuff and saying he was ''porn worthy.'' Howard wondered who else it could be. Howard said maybe it could be George Takei.
Robin read about Paul McCartney making an appearance on David Letterman's show tonight and wondered why they're making such a big deal out of it. Howard said it's the first time he's going back to the Ed Sullivan theater. He wondered how the ratings are doing with Conan and Letterman. Robin said she's heard horrible things about Jimmy Fallon's show lately. Howard said he's sorry to hear that because he really likes Jimmy. He said he's not going to watch the show just to make sure he doesn't spoil that.
Robin read a story about a 25 year old who had hiccups for 2 years and it was found to be a tumor on the back of his brain.
Robin read a story about a guy who got 60 days in jail for spitting in someone's food at a restaurant. Howard said he would give a lot more time than that if he were a judge. He said he might have to become a judge after he retires from radio. He said he'll do the 8 years of school and by the time he's 70 he should be ready to go.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that if there is a 9+ difference in a couple's age, the man is more likely to leave. Howard said ''Uh oh!'' when he heard that. Robin read that if you have a child out of wedlock you have a good chance of breaking up too.
Howard said Jon Hein had some ratings information for them. Jon read that Nightline had beat both Conan and Letterman the week before they went on vacation for the 4th of July. Jon said that Conan beat Letterman after Nightline beat them both. Howard said ''Jesus!'' when he heard that Letterman came in third that week.
Jon said that Jimmy Fallon is actually doing pretty well but he's losing to Craig Ferguson. He said he's not doing better than Conan in that slot though. Howard asked about Kimmel. Jon said he's in a weird time slot so it's hard to remember when he's on. Artie said his show is very good now and he's coming into his own as a host.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who corrected him on some Green Lantern facts. He was telling him that there are many Green Lanterns. Cyrus was saying that he's always the ''black caller'' and he gets upset with some of the stuff he says on the show. He said he actually had to turn off some of the History of Howard Stern stuff that was on. Howard said that's good, that's what he's known for.
Robin read a story about a guy who was a known white supremacist and he went to Israel to hide out. Robin read that he was caught over there and U.S. Authorities are going over to escort him home.
Henry Hill called in and told Artie that his probation officer called him. Artie said he told him to call him as a reference. Henry was telling Artie how to get clean piss for his upcoming tests. Howard asked if that was Henry goofing on him. Artie said that's exactly what it was. Howard ended up hanging up on him when Henry asked if he could be the Orange Jack-o-lantern.
Robin read a story about a jet that had a hole blow open in it and how the airline is now inspecting all of their planes. Robin read about the hole blowing open during flight. Howard said that's no big deal. He said if Sully was flying he wouldn't have even stopped. Howard said he would have just plugged the hole with his nose if he were on that flight.
Robin read a story about an airline that's going to have a first class for people's pets. Howard said he's going to dress Benjy like a poodle so he can stick him in there.
Howard wondered if Benjy got laid over vacation. Benjy said he fucked his parents. He said they're pretty good looking. Howard asked him to be serious. Benjy said he met a girl and he's dating but she doesn't want him talking about it on the air. He said he's being exclusive to her but he's not sure if she's being the same. Howard asked if he went on Craigslist or anything. Benjy wasn't being clear so Howard asked him if he understands what he's talking about. Benjy said he doesn't do that anymore. Howard said he's not sure if Benjy is for real or not. He told him not to waste his time. Howard said this is why he has a headache, neck ache and acid reflux.
Howard said it's a simple question. He said he just wants a yes or no and he's giving him jokes like he fucked his parents. Howard said it's impossible to talk to that guy.
Artie said that Benjy texted him after his accident. He said that he sent a joke about him getting oral during the accident and then sent one telling his mom that if she was the one getting his texts, he was sorry for the oral joke.
Robin read some news about the All Star game that's coming up. Howard said he really doesn't care about that. Robin gave the details about the game anyway. Robin had some audio clips of Johnny Damon talking about the game. Howard talked about how he had mistaken Johnny Damon for Goumba Johnny recently when someone brought him up.
Robin read some news about Debbie Rowe and Michael Jackson's kids. There was also a realty show in the works for the Jackson family but his death may have put a hold on that. The guys ended up talking about Michael Jackson for a few minutes.
Robin had some news about Bernie Madoff being sent to prison where he will spend the rest of his life. She read about some of the other prisoners that are in the same prison.
Robin read some news about the latest Harry Potter movie and had some audio of Daniel Radcliff talking about the movie. Howard asked Robin if he had a big hose since she saw him acting in some play on Broadway where he was naked. Robin didn't remember if he was big but she thinks that it was pretty thick.
Robin had some audio of a woman talking about using belly dancing as a way of exercising. Howard said that those people should get out and just walk around the block. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:20am.
Jon asked Gary to describe the set up. Gary explained that Sal drops his pants to his ankles and then takes his penis and puts it into a microphone stand. Then the microphone is inside of his pouch and Richard gets down in front of it and sings into his penis. Then Sal sticks his penis into Richard's face.
Jon asked who enjoyed it more, Sal or Richard. Gary said it's Sal because he's spotlighted and he revels in that. Gary said Richard just thinks it's funny.
Jon asked Gary if this is better than Sal's drill bit or chisel bit. Gary said that chisel thing really was funny when he saw it this morning. He said it really did look like a chisel.
Jon asked Benjy if he would have stepped up to the mic. Benjy said he would but it would be funnier if they got all of the mics like that so all of them had to talk into them.
Jon had some audio of Richard singing into Sal's penis so he had Teddy play that. After the clip Gary said the funniest thing was that Richard kept bending down to talk into Sal's penis. He said at one point Richard got up to speak into the podium mic and Howard told him he had to get back down there and talk into his penis.
Richard came in and said he thought it worked out pretty well. He said he hopes that they'll get to do it again some time. He said he's not sure who else would have to do that. Sal said he thinks that they should have bands come in and have to sing into that thing. Richard said that some bands they get CDs from might be willing to do that.
Gary asked Sal if he would be okay with a guy grabbing his cock to sing into like a rock star. Sal said he would have a problem with that. He'd be afraid that his cock would get ripped off.
Richard and Sal talked about how some singers get really close and cup their hands around the mic so that might be funny too.
Sal said it was great when Richard had to bend down and speak into his pouch. Richard said he knew that he might get the cock shoved into his face today but that's just part of the show.
Jon asked if they had any kinks to work out and what they were. Sal said they had to use a special clamp for his penis. Then they had to reach around and plug it in behind his ass. Evan the engineer had to work with them to test it out. They said he was very professional in the set up. Sal said it's great that they're able to do this with two engineers running around finding equipment to set up a penis mic. He said it could only happen there.
Benjy suggested that they test this out on an unseasoned guest and tell them that all of their mics are broken and this is the only one that's working. Gary said the only unseasoned guest that would work on is Wendy the Retard.
Gary said he thinks that they'll see this Cockyoke again sometime but he's not sure when. He thinks that they may be able to find a sponsor for something like that.
Sal was suggesting that they go out in public and do the bit. Gary told him he's out of his mind and he's going to end up getting arrested. Sal joked that he had tested it out at Rick's Cabaret and did that a cappella.
Benjy said it was funny when they were setting it up while Howard and Tim Sabean were having a serious conversation about stuff going on there on the stations.
Sal said Richard was the one who suggested putting a mic in there and that's when he came up with the Cockyoke thing.
Richard said he was afraid that Sal was going to piss in his face. Gary said the two of them came into his office and asked if it would be okay to piss on someone while playing the Cockyoke thing. Gary said he told them that will never happen. Sal said they asked Evan about getting a waterproof mic to use and they can get one.
Richard said he had an idea for Ace Frehley if he had come in. They were going to have Sal wrap his head in plastic wrap and he was going to piss on him to meet Ace. Gary said Howard turned that all down. No one wants Ace on the show anyway, other than Sal.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is the gayest conversation ever. He said the whole bit was very gay too. He said they do go the extra mile for the show though and that's why he likes them. The caller asked when Artie was going to be in St. Louis. The guys didn't know if he was. They told him to check out Artie-Lange.com instead.
Another caller asked where to send a CD so he can get in on the Cockyoke contest. Gary said they don't have one yet but he'd put him on hold to give him the address. The caller said he's not a singer, he's a drummer, so he thinks it would be funny.
Benjy asked if Sal's wife gives him a hard time about this stuff. Sal said she's fine with it. He said she's a good sport with this stuff. Gary asked if she would have a problem if Denise Richards wanted to sing into his cock. Sal said that would be a different story.
Jon mentioned Howard bringing up Bubba's use of Viagra. Gary said he doesn't think that Bubba takes it because he needs it, he thinks that he's just trying to enhance things.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Richard and Sal make the Howard Stern Show. He said that he's not sure where they would be without them. He said comedy is comedy and it doesn't matter what it is as long as there are laughs.
Another caller brought up Artie and his use of Lexipro. The guy said he's been using the stuff himself and one of the side effects is that you can lose your arousal level. He said he had to take Viagra himself but once you take it you still have the disconnect and it can go on for hours and hours without getting off.
Ralph called in and said that if you do too much coke or ecstasy then you might need Viagra. He said he's tried it himself. Ralph said that he's tried just about everything. He said if he had access to it more, he'd use it more. He said he doesn't have access to it though.
Ralph said he agrees with Howard that guys get bored and that's why they can't get it up. He said he's usually bored after 2 or 3 months with a chick.
Jason came in and said that he's on Lexipro and things did get weird with his junk. He said he wasn't able to finish. He said that turned into him losing his erection. He said they told him that's normal though. Jason said he has tried Viagra but he doesn't like to use it and he just keeps the prescription just in case he needs it.
Gary said Stuttering John told a story about taking prozac and not being able to finish and one time he faked the finish with his wife. She knew he was faking it and asked him what he was doing. John told her he had finished but she knew he was lying.
Jason said that the Viagra isn't a miracle drug and you can't get aroused if you're not into the person. He said he couldn't take it and get hard to fuck Richard. Richard told him he wouldn't want him to.
Jon asked Jason what kind of pictures he got of Richard and Sal. Jason said he got some great pictures of Richard's head from behind so it looks like he was blowing him for real. He also said Sal's cock is very odd looking and he really twists that thing around.
That all led to the guys asking Sal about how he can't finish in or on his wife when he has sex. He has to blow his load inside his pouch. Sal said he has to go into the bathroom and drop the load out of his pouch and it sounds like dropping motor oil into the toilet.
Richard asked Sal about how often he washes his cock. Sal said he washes it every morning. Richard said it didn't smell so bad today. Sal said there were times when he was young when he wouldn't shower for like a week and the smell down there was just horrible. He said the smell that came out of there was really wicked. He said he could let it ferment for like a week and have the guys smell it on an index card or something. No one wanted to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed puking up his morning coffee and thanked Sal for that. The caller also asked about where Eric the Midget has been. Jason said that Eric is on vacation at his family's beach house until July 23rd. Jim McClure said they asked him to do a show over vacation and he wrote back he's not doing any shows or anything. Jim said that Eric was in New York and he refused to come up there, he just showed his parents the building.
The guys talked about some of the other people like Marty the Midget who used to come on the show. Marty went on to have a successful acting career. Sal said he thinks that they ran into Wee Man out at Scores one time. They went over to the guy and yelled out his name but he pulled them to the side and told them that he wasn't Wee Man there, he was Jason or whatever name he gave them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Cockyoke stuff reminds him of the morning zoo stuff that Howard hated 20 years ago. Gary asked how that could be like a morning zoo thing. The caller said it's like what those shows do in the morning and singing Louie Louie into a gorilla mask or something.
The guys argued that the bit wasn't like a morning zoo bit and they put a lot of thought into that. They started coming up with new ideas for Sal's pouch. Sal said they could get Eddie the Produce Guy to come in and do it with him so they could have multiple pouches for games and stuff. Sal also mentioned that Fred has a pouch but there's no chance of that happening.
Jon said that Sal and Richard haven't been this fired up in a long time. Gary said that they must have been inspired by Bruno yesterday. Richard said that Bruno made gay cool again.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave them some information on the differences between midgets and dwarfs and he thinks that the definition of a midget describes Eric the Midget. Gary said that's why they call him Eric the Midget.
Another caller said that his dick still smells even when he washes it every day. He said that he can't get it clean but he might have to use a wire brush on it. Sal told the guy that he should clean it when he's erect to clean out all of the pores. He said he also dries his penis really well because the moisture in there is what makes the stink.
Gary asked Sal if he ever wished that he had been circumcised. Sal said he always wanted to be circumcised. He said that one chick he was into once said that uncircumcised guys freak her out and that really bummed him out. He said that he could get it done but his uncle had it done when he was older and it was really painful. He said he wouldn't even get it done if he was getting divorced and dating again. He said it's a bragging thing now.
Sal told a story about being with a girl who freaked out when she saw his penis all shriveled up. He said that she didn't know that it was uncircumcised.
Another caller asked Sal why he gets cheese in there because he's never had that before. Sal said that the caller must be really clean because he knows that there can be a cheesy film in there. Gary asked him to stop talking about that. It was making everyone sick.
The caller had an accent so Richard tried to do an impression of the guy. It was his Simon Buckingham impression and it sounded no different than the one he did in his prank call Howard played this morning.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Sal if it was tough for his wife to go back to sucking his cock after doing it for the 143 guy. Sal said she never did it before so it wasn't tough. He said she's never really complained about his cock in the past. He said she never said a word about it being the way it is. Gary said he had his kids done when they were born because he didn't want them growing up looking different than the other kids. He said Howard tried to talk him out of it but he just didn't listen to him. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that JD's circumstances have changed. JD said he's a little more well known but that's about it. He said that's the only thing that's made him ''Hollywood.'' JD said he hasn't really taken advantage of his status. He said he doesn't go around bragging he's on the Howard Stern Show or anything.
Jon brought up Margie's discussion about JD today and how she said that she's really into him. JD said she also says that she likes Howard. Jon said JD came in and Howard talked to him about dating her when she's not an intern there. Jon said he thought JD handled that pretty well today. JD thanked him for that.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about all of that. JD said he's not big into talking about his personal life. JD said he doesn't like to air everything on the air like some people are. He said he doesn't name his penis tricks and talk about them on the air.
Jon asked JD how he meets people. JD said that Facebook and Myspace have helped out a lot. He said he can't approach people he doesn't know. He said Facebook and Myspace make it easier for him. He said he can push himself if he has to but it's not easy for him to just meet people.
JD said he can't go into a bar or some place like that and just talk to someone. He said there has to be some sort of reason to talk to the person other than just to talk.
Jon said that some people think JD sets his sights too high. JD said he hasn't been told he's going for chicks who are too hot. He said he's been staying home just watching ''The Wire'' for a while now.
Teddy said that there have been some really hot chicks who are into JD and they hang out with them. JD said that the girls don't seem to be that into him. Teddy said JD just doesn't give them any time to do anything. He said they have to do stuff immediately or he gives up on them. JD said if he's just there for a night then he's not going to waste his time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said JD tries to joke about stuff but he goes about it in a boring way. He said that's a bunch of bullshit. JD said he was trying to be funny. The caller told him to just spit it out and say it instead. He said he needs to be more direct. The caller said that got under his skin when he mentioned the Sal thing earlier.
Jon thanked JD for coming in there this morning. JD said he was going to say something but just said he loves Jon and that's why he comes in there. Jon told him he thinks too much. JD said he knows.
Another caller said that this is grinding to a halt and they need to move on. Jon said that's what he was about to do. The caller said JD is like a whipped dog and they need to just move on.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that Andrea should be Miss Howard Stern for life. JD said that no one else could top her being Miss Howard Stern so yes.
Jon took a call from a guy who gave JD some advice for asking girls out. JD said that he has tried just asking girls to go to his room and it hasn't worked out.
The caller was also asking Jon about the Miss Howard Stern thing and if he thinks that maybe she was pushing for Howard to tell her to get cleaned up and this was one thing that she took too far. The guy said it's sad that she did this but it must be tough on Howard to have people looking to him in that way.
Jon said that Andrea may have reached out in different ways but it's not Howard's responsibility to take care of them. He said that Howard does feel responsible for them but he's not one to tell them to act a certain way. JD said Andrea wanted to be on the show to be famous and ''whatever... I don't know.''
JD said he didn't think that Andrea came on the show to get off of drugs or drinking, she just came on the show to be on the show.
Another caller said he heard that JD said he doesn't put any effort into getting chicks and he really has to put some work into it. He said he's got the power of the Stern Show behind him and he should be using it. JD said he knows that but he feels weird using that.
Another caller said he gets why JD doesn't want to try and get chicks he's only going to see that one night. He was also saying that Sal is just ripping off the Puppetry of the Penis guys who have been on Howard's show before. He said that those guys did the same stuff Sal is doing and he's not making that stuff up himself like he's claiming he did.
The caller said he spoke to Shuli about High Pitch Eric and Shuli told him he'd give him a tour of the studio and he never heard from him again. Jon put him on hold so he could get his information and try to get that worked out.
A caller said that he wanted to know why they didn't get the money raised for Scott the Engineer to do the anal thing with Lexington Steel years ago. Jon said that he and JD weren't even there when that was happening. That was many years ago. The caller also told JD to stop apologizing when he's talking. Jon asked JD if he thinks that he's apologizing all the time. JD said he doesn't feel that he is.
JD had nothing to say about that so he had to move on to another subject. Jon brought up the David Arquette call that they had today. He asked JD if he's a fan of Courtney Cox or Jennifer Aniston. JD said he thought Courtney was hot in the first Ace Ventura movie. He said he hasn't seen her lately though. JD said that Jennifer Aniston may not have a sense of humor but she is hot.
Jon asked JD about his review of ''Ace Ventura'' because he had given it a 4 or 5 star rating. Jon said that he wants to know if it was 4 or 5. JD said he gave it a 4 after taking away the 5. Jon said that JD has given almost every movie a 5 star rating. JD said he loves a lot of movies. He said he gave ''Armed and Dangerous'' a 5 star rating because he can watch it over and over. He also gave ''Look Who's Talking'' a 5 star rating. JD said he changed that one. He realized he was wrong about it.
Jon asked JD how his movies are doing over at Artie's web site. JD said that things are going good and he has some stuff being reviewed.
Ralph called in and told JD that he's constantly apologizing and he has to stop that. JD said that's not true. Ralph said that Jon is going to pull some of those clips for Howard tomorrow. JD was laughing and apologized for making Jon laugh. Ralph pointed out that he just apologized again. JD said that didn't count because no one knew what they were doing in there.
Ralph said that JD isn't comfortable and Jon likes to make him squirm around and apologize. Jon said that's coming from a guy who loves to do that to people. Jon said he loves JD.
JD said he might have to hang out with Ralph at these clubs that he goes to where women don't wear panties. Ralph said that it's a long story but there were a lot of women with no panties on that night. He said that they run around like little whores and it's crazy. He said Beth saw one girl going up the stairs and she had everything hanging out.
Ralph also talked about the girl who fell on his table and her whole dress came up. He said it was the greatest club he's ever been to.
Ralph said he was ready to turn in that night when some people suggested they go out to this club. He said he was up for it and had a good time there. Ralph said Howard said the next day that he should have woken him up to go out. Ralph said ''Yeah right.''
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks that JD has to be more direct with girls. Ralph said that the girls should come to you so he gets why JD doesn't do it. Ralph said that girls just come up to you and it just happens. He said that alcohol is a good way to make that happen.
Ralph told JD to get some booze when he goes out to a gig with Artie. He said that he can tell a girl to just come back up with him to have a drink. JD said that there aren't a lot of chicks like that when he goes to gigs. Ralph said that there are some places they go where he could find some chicks. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his masterpiece song that starts the show ever morning... The Great American Nightmare.
Howard talked about his friend Pat opening up a gym and how he went over and checked that out with Beth. He said they had a good time going over there.
Artie said he went to see the gym that Howard used to go to and it was really nice. Howard said that one was nice but this is a new one.
Howard went out to dinner to Nobu with his friend Richie. He said he thought he was a part owner but then he thought he was the manager. Robin said he's both from what she knows. She said that he's got a partner in the business but part of his job is to manage. Howard said he's still confused. Howard said he knows that Robert De Niro is a part owner too.
Howard said there were dudes with walkie talkies and ear pieces at Nobu and there was some kind of dignitary there. He said it was such nonsense and no one would recognize this guy. Robin said the regulars there might not but someone from his country could recognize him and do something at the restaurant. Howard said if that's the case then maybe the guy should stay home.
Howard said if it's that big of a deal to go out to eat or to the theater then just stay home. Howard said he used to see President Bush going out to places and they'd hold up traffic and stuff. He said it's a pain in the ass for everyone else when they close off streets and stuff.
Howard said he was trying to sleep last night and fireworks were going off around 9 or 10. He said for about 5 minutes it sounded like nuclear war or something. He said the dog was freaked out by it. He wondered why they do this stuff when people are trying to sleep. He said people do live there and don't want to see that stuff all the time.
Robin said her cats are freaked out by the fireworks. She said one of them jumped into her pet sitter's arms when they started going off.
Howard said he was wondering about this guy who was at Nobu last night and said that he wouldn't recognize him if he came in. He said he wouldn't even recognize the President of Iraq if he walked in.
Artie said that's a huge story because they talk about how insane the station was up there. Howard said they used to have guys like Charles Laquidera and people like that. Howard said he never thought he'd be the morning man over there himself.
Howard said that WBCN was a legend up there. He said they were on in the morning over there for a few years and he was very under appreciated. He said that they used to say that they couldn't sell the show and stuff and made him feel like shit. He said that was bullshit when they'd tell him that. Howard said they were doing that to keep a level head with him.
Howard said they carried the entire radio station with the morning show. He said that other shows would come in and fail and now it shows. He said he left morning radio and the whole thing fell apart. Howard said they support the rest of the station with the morning show.
Howard said that's one reason he left terrestrial radio. He said that he was overlooked and treated like he was nothing. Now he's seeing that he was worth more than they thought he was.
Howard read some other notes he got about WJFK changing formats too. He said that they're no longer a station and he used to carry that one too. Howard said they're going to have a sports show on in the morning but that one has been around for a while and they're a sports show so it fits their new format.
Howard said they carried the entire radio division at CBS Infinity. Howard said he used to listen to WBCN when he was up in Boston and they had a great signal up there. He said it's sad that they're never going to be around anymore for people to try working there. He said that WBCN was something to aspire to when he was growing up. Now they're gone and there's noting to aspire to. He said WBCN was the cool station back then.
Howard said that if the radio division had told him that they were going to lose billions and go out of business, and had been honest with him, maybe things would have been different. Howard said maybe he would have stayed.
Howard said that the people who run American Idol recognize how valuable Ryan Seacrest is and they're giving him some huge money to keep him around. Howard said that's what the radio division should have done at CBS.
Howard said he used to ask about things at CBS and they'd tell him that he wasn't that important to them. They used to charge a premium to advertise on his show. Howard said he knows that they brought in about 50 times the amount they were attributing to him.
Howard played a clip of a news report about WBCN going out of business and disappearing from the dial completely. They're going internet radio only with rock and the mix station is taking over their signal.
Howard said that he saved the station and kept them in business while he was there. Howard said they really should have come to him and asked him how they could make him happy and keep him there. Howard said they treated him like a jerk off and dicked him around instead.
Howard said that Ryan Seacrest is now the radio guy but he's such a douche bag. He said that bugs under a rock are more talented than Ryan Seacrest.
Howard said they were so vested in keeping him down that they wouldn't let him go on in other markets. They never appreciated him while he was there. Artie said it's really crazy the way the treated him. Howard said he remembers them giving him a bottle of champagne one year as a gift.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest doesn't work hard like people say he does. Howard said the guy does a radio show in the morning that's basically brainless. He said that he does some patter after playing some music and then reads some news from E! and that's about it. Robin said they built a whole Ryan Seacrest complex at E! so he wouldn't have to travel around.
Howard played the news report about WBCN again and talked about the internet radio thing. He said that's for the people that are going to complain. He said that they're not going to put any money into it and no one is going to tune into it. He said it won't be like the old WBCN. He said it's like a trick and they think that the public is stupid.
Gary said it sounds like they're taking an existing station and moving it to where WBCN is. Howard said he thinks that station would rather be on WBCN because of their great signal. He said it just sounds good. He said that 104 is a good position on the dial and that's why they want to be on there.
Howard said the whole business is pathetic. He said the people running the business just can't do the job. Artie said he had that rental car and drove home in that and tried listening to 104.3 and he was going through withdrawals without the SIRIUS radio in the car. He said it was awful.
Howard said there are more stations that will be going out of business because he's not there anymore. Howard said he has a year and a half left there and maybe he'll go back and resurrect them when he's done. He said he could be the ''Radio Jesus'' by resurrecting the stations. Howard said he could walk around in sandals and a white robe.
Artie said he was thinking about getting some pets after seeing some ads with some emaciated animals. He said they might be better off without him though.
Howard said he read about a couple that was killed because they had a safe in the house. They were killed Ninja style according to the article. He said that people think you have something when you have a safe and they really didn't.
Howard said the people were wealthy but they had 17 kids because they would adopt special needs kids. Robin said she was going to talk about that in the news today. Howard said they took their money and raised the kids and now the 17 kids are orphaned. Howard said they figured out who did it and they were real scumbags. One of the guys was one who did work around the house.
Howard said he's not sure why they had to kill the people. He said he wouldn't be jealous of someone who had 17 special needs kids so he's not sure why they would do that.
Artie said they showed some video of the guys robbing the place and they were in a creepy red van and they took five minutes to do the robbery. Howard read through some of the story and they said that robbery was one motive but there were others that they weren't talking about.
The story talked about how the guys who robbed the couple were doing it military style and had actually practiced the robbery before. Howard said he read about this one guy who had his son involved in the robbery. He said the one guy looked like Keith Richards. He said they all looked like scumbags. He said you can sometimes look at people and tell they're scumbags.
Howard said he heard Barbara Walters reviewing the movie and he was thinking it was a great commentary on the way things are out there. He said that Sacha is making more of a social statement than even doing comedy. He said it makes you see how unbelievable things can be out there. Howard talked about Paula Abdul sitting on some Mexican guys posing as furniture talking about her charity work. Howard said it's brilliant and shows how nutty she is. Howard said he has a million questions about that after he sees it.
Howard said Barbara Walters was reviewing the movie and said that it was outrageous. He played some of the audio of Barbara's review. She said she did laugh at some points but she said that this is not a movie for kids. Howard said he didn't think it was all that shocking. He said it was just funny. Howard said he doesn't agree with any of what Barbara was saying. Barbara was going on about how there were penises and pubic hair showing and she was thinking that it could make some people homophobic. She said that they take unsuspecting people and make fools out of them.
Barbara was talking about how she doesn't like to see ''little people'' being made fun of. Howard said that those people aren't little people like dwarf little people, they're hillbillies and people like that. He said that referring to them like that is just as offensive as Bruno doing what he's doing. Robin said she's demeaning them just as bad as Bruno by referring to them like that.
Barbara was asked if she stayed through the whole movie. She said she did but she did that because she didn't know what it was going to be about. She said it wasn't as funny as ''Borat.'' Barbara said that there were funny parts but people shouldn't take their kids.
Artie said he didn't get why she was saying ''little people'' in that clip. He said someone should ask her about that.
Howard said that if you don't like a movie you can walk out of it. He said that people can bring their kids and it won't hurt them.
Howard said they were concerned about the way the movie was going to make money. They had dropped off over the weekend after a good opening day. Howard said when someone does something good like that it's nice to support them. He said he really liked it.
Howard said he loves America's Got Talent. Robin said she's devastated by that news. Howard said he was watching the show and said that David Hasselhoff is so dimwitted that he just says ''I don't know'' over and over after watching a performance. He said he holds his opinion back until Piers Morgan gives his opinion. Sharon Osbourne will do the same thing. Both of them wait for Piers to give his opinion. Howard said David's whole job is to have an opinion and he can't even do that. Howard said that he doesn't know why David is even there.
Robin said that he was on a car with a talking car and then played the worlds oldest life guard on Baywatch. Howard said Hasselhoff was also caught on tape eating a burger off the floor while he was too drunk to stand up.
Howard got back to the Richard Jefferson story and read about how he bailed out on his fiancee. Howard said he admires a guy like that. He said that some people realize something might be wrong and get married anyway. He said this guy had no problem calling it off. He said that's the way it should happen if you know something is wrong. He said he'd rather see that than the guy getting married and divorced a month later.
Howard read about the fiancee whose name was spelled Ni'Cole. He said that they called off the wedding so close to the wedding that people were still showing up.
Howard said this guy Jefferson was so done with money that he was giving out his American Express black card so they could use it to pay for their trips to the wedding. Howard said this guy doesn't have that much money that he can just give his money away. He said the guy isn't going to have endless money coming in. Howard said you don't spend $2 million on a wedding when you're marrying a dancer.
Howard said his wedding wasn't $2 million but it was very nice. He said they didn't go nuts with the flowers or anything like that. Artie said it was very classy.
Howard read that Ni'Cole had called her family telling them that the wedding was off a couple of days before. Jefferson waited until 2 hours before the wedding to let his family and friends know. That's when he gave his friends his Am-Ex black card so they could party.
Howard read about how Jefferson had upgraded his future wife to a $2,500 a night room at the hotel she was going to be staying in. Howard said that guy doesn't need to be upgrading her like that. He said the guy isn't going to be making that kind of money the rest of his life and he's going to spend it all at once.
Robin talked about the wedding Joan Rivers threw for her daughter and how crazy that was. She said she turned a place into Russia and made it snow in the room and it still only cost her a million. She said that this wedding must have been insane for $2 million.
Howard said that the would be bride was shocked but not that stunned by the move. They say that she's doing just fine after the break up. Howard wondered how much love there could have been if she's doing okay after that.
Artie said that some people have such tradition with a wedding that they spend all of their money on that and not on a house or something more important.
Howard said that the real story is that he was able to keep that station afloat and now it's going away because he's not there anymore. Howard said it was really an awesome station while it was around.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks that satellite radio will survive his retirement. Howard said he thinks so. He said they have a huge future in his opinion. He said the satellites they have up there now is owned by the company and he thinks that they could have some cool products like a phone. He said they could have a phone or something that could have the signal beamed to it. He said that the tech could be used for a million different things. He said they could beam the signal to movie theaters and stuff to get them movies for less cost and things like that.
Howard said only about 10 percent of the technology is being used right now and they need more people to come in and figure out what else they can use it for. Howard said even if he goes away, they have the freedom to create.
Howard said that it's great that Rosie O'Donnell can do a show from her house and have her own channel there. He said that's the kind of creativity that they have there at SIRIUS XM. Howard said they have great music and programming there. He said they can survive but he thinks that he's a huge catalyst right now.
Howard said 60 percent of the people tuning in are listening to his channels. He said that they should be able to pick up the ball and run with it. He said his job there is done and they got people to notice satellite radio.
Howard said that they have enough of a plan in place to make it work. He said that the car business is in the pits right now but once they come back that will help them out too. Howard said that was a great marketing tool and that will turn around eventually.
Howard said they're generating billion of dollars and his show is a huge draw but he thinks that they will do okay.
Artie said they had the woman in there who created SIRIUS. Howard said she's busy inventing some other wacky stuff now. Howard said that she spent a few years figuring out how to change her penis into a vagina too.
Robin asked if they have the ability to put money into research with the state of the company's finances. Howard said people will invest in it and it will survive.
The caller asked if he's really going to retire. Howard said he's done with radio. He said he's done enough shows. This is definitely the end for him. Howard said they can keep replaying his shows if they want but he's done.
Howard said he wants them to take all of his shows and just run one hour a day and they can play all of those one at a time and keep it on the air forever. He said no one would be able to hear it all doing it that way.
Howard said he's had enough. It's enough Howard Stern. Howard said that the only reason he did more radio is because of satellite. He said he was done on terrestrial radio because of the way he was being censored. He said he had to get out of there. They weren't able to say anything anymore. They were cutting out everything he was saying by the end.
Howard said Scott came swaggering in like he knew something but he doesn't know for sure if something was done. Scott said he should have been informed if something was done but he really doesn't know.
Howard asked Artie why he was standing up during the show now. Artie said he just had to stand up and stretch. Howard said he makes him nervous doing that. Howard said he was thinking that he was going to beat up Scott or something. Artie said all he had to do was ask him not to stand up and he won't stand up anymore. Artie said he felt like he was on a morning zoo and had to stand up.
Evan showed up and told Howard that there were some changes made in there. Howard said he knew it. Howard told Scott that if he asks if anything was done to his board he isn't going to walk in and say ''no.'' He said that he has to check first. Evan said that he didn't touch the compression but they did take apart the board and changed some stuff. He said they clean everything when Howard goes on vacation. Howard said he's not casting aspersions on anyone. He said that they may have changed something accidentally or something. He said he's not upset about it, he just doesn't like Scott saying that nothing was done.
Howard told Scott again that he can't just assume that nothing was changed. He asked Scott where he's going to be if he retires. Scott said he'll be in the unemployment line. Then he said he's going to be able to find something to do. Howard said that Evan won't hire him. Evan said that's for sure. Howard asked the guys to check into his compression and try to fix that for him.
Scott figured he'd be able to get a job at McDonald's or something. Howard said they won't hire him either. He said maybe he could work with Artie. Artie said he won't have gigs either if Howard retires.
Howard and Artie were goofing on Scott about the kind of job he could get when they leave there. Scott said he started out at McDonald's and he can end his career there too.
Howard pretended to ask Scott if he changed anything at McDonald's while they were on vacation. He did his impression of Scott saying he didn't have any changes made and another employee saying that there were changes.
Howard said that Gary would be there with Scott. Artie said he'd be there with the headset on doing the Drive-Thru with Gary as the assistant manager. Gary said he didn't do anything wrong there today so he wasn't sure why Howard was going off on him. Artie said he can imagine plugging gigs on the headset. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he hates that they made Robert Plant a ''Sir.'' He said that's the worst thing you can do to a rock star. They did that with Mick Jagger. Howard said Keith Richards said he didn't even want to be one. Robin said that's because they didn't offer it to him.
Howard said that Prince Charles was handing out those phony baloney ''sir'' certificates. Howard said the guy was given everything in his life and now he's handing that nonsense out. Howard said that Robert Plant is supposed to be the guy making a deal with the devil but now he's ''Sir'' and playing banjo music. Not cool.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa had a story about Robin taking the dais at the Joan Rivers roast. Robin is going to roast Joan. Howard said he read about that and asked her if she's going to be writing jokes. Robin said she's going to talk to some people like Artie, Sal and Richard and maybe some other people.
Artie said he may be at that roast too. He told Robin to take it easy on him. Robin said she's not nervous right now but she may get nervous on the day she does it.
Howard said Robin must have spoken to her agent about this since she's never done a roast before. Robin said she got the request from Joan so she couldn't say no. Joan wouldn't let her say no. Robin said she's ready to try and tackle this challenge. She said it came as a surprise to her but she's ready for it.
Artie said that it's huge pressure on him being in the studio but he gets very nervous before a Comedy Central roast because it's televised. Robin said she's not going to think crazy about it and she's just going to go do it.
Howard asked Robin if she's going to go nuts and really roast her. Robin said of course she will. She said that she'll joke about her plastic surgery. She said she thinks that Melissa may be off limits in the roast. Howard said she can't do that because it's too much fun.
Artie said they asked them not to talk about William Shatner's wife that died in the pool in his roast. Artie said Comedy Central is the only place that will do that and keep you from talking about some stuff.
Howard asked Robin if she'll talk about Joan's husband's suicide. Robin said that might be kind of rough. They talked about her jewelry and things like that as well. Joan sells skin cream too so Robin could joke about that. The guys told Robin about some of the stuff that she could goof on Joan about. Howard said that Robin could joke that Michael Jackson was using Joan's skin cream before he died. Artie said that if Joan isn't laughing then Robin could say that she actually is laughing, she just doesn't have the ability to move her face.
Howard and Artie were throwing out jokes about Joan and cracking Lisa G up. She seemed to be enjoying it more than anyone. They were joking about how Joan was the reason for the holocaust and how Melissa could be the reason for a second one. Howard said that should be fun for Robin. She just needs to play this segment back and she'll have all the jokes she needs.
Artie said that you have to think of an angle that would be unique. He said that with Donald Trump you don't think about doing a hair joke. That's going to be done over and over.
Howard said Robin could joke about all of the guys that leave Joan. He said that she must be horrible in bed to scare off 80 year old men. Howard and Artie were throwing out more and more jokes and Artie said that Robin is going to steal all of his material.
Artie told Robin that she has to ask for a good spot like 3rd or 4th in the line up. Howard said that Robin can joke about Joan's tits dropping quicker than the ratings in her late night TV show. Howard also said that Joan found a lump in her breasts and it turned out to be one of her toes.
Howard kept going with his roast of Joan. He had a ton of material. Artie would throw in a joke after Howard told a couple. They were goofing on her jewelry, her act, her plastic surgery and much more. Howard said Robin can do a lot of material. Robin said the last thing she wants to do is roast Joan Rivers but she asked her personally so she feels she has to.
Howard told Robin to keep the jokes simple and not get too wordy with them. Robin said she wanted to tell one about her not meeting her grandson because she's too scary looking. Howard told her to just say that her cunt is so big it looks like a horse trough.
Lisa said that Robin is shooting this thing on the 26th so she's going to have to take the red eye back to get to the show the next morning. Robin said she will get there as quickly as possible.
Lisa said that High Pitch Eric might be up to his old tricks again. He's claiming that he has Sadie back and he's going to get his cats back soon. Lisa said they looked into it and found out that he's making that up and the dog and cats are still in the care of the ASPCA. She said he's also been making death threats to people on SFN who are questioning his ability to care for the pets. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Ian told Howard that in 2005 he thought that Jackson was guilty so he set out on this odyssey to find everything he could. He said he found that 4 years later he didn't molest any kids. He said that what he found in the court documents and things like that proved that he wasn't a child molester.
Ian said that Joe Jackson treated his son like crap and beat the crap out of him. He said that anyone who knew Michael as a child would be able to tell you that. Howard said that's what it seems like and Joe is claiming that he's the one who molded his son into the performer he was.
Ian said that there are a lot of people coming out of the woodwork right now who weren't there for Michael in the past couple of years. They're all coming out and supporting him now that he's gone.
Ian said Michael didn't want his father around him either. He said that all he wanted was Michael's money. He said he burned Michael repeatedly and Michael didn't trust him. He said that Michael didn't get the proper childhood and that's why we saw him with kids all the time. He loved kids and always tried to help them. He said he tried to bring people together and used Neverland to do that.
Ian said that Michael Jackson is not a child molester. He said he dug up a court document from 1993 that showed that Michael was forced to settle that case and he was insisting not to settle but the insurance company forced him to. He said that the kid, Jordan Chandler, claimed that Jackson was circumcised and had blotches on his penis. The cops raided his house and made him strip down to be photographed. It turns out he was uncircumcised and Jordan's description didn't match.
Howard said he didn't know the insurance company made him settle. Ian said that all of this is in his book. He said that in 2005 there was another case and the people involved weren't that credible. Ian said he came there and wanted to crack the story. He said he spoke to Johnny Cochran one time and Johnny told him that they didn't win their case, the prosecution lost their case.
Ian said that he doesn't truest Debbie Rowe either. He said that she's trying to extort money from the family to avoid taking her kids from them. He said that's just not right and he would never do such a thing with his own kids.
Ian said that Michael was a great father from what he could tell. He said he met Michael in person but never got to interview the kids. He said that the time Michael held the kid over the balcony he was high on drugs. He said that you have to look at the doctors who were giving him that stuff.
Howard asked Ian about Jackson's kids and how he kept them in masks all the time. The kids don't even know other kids because of that. Ian said that Michael was the most famous person out there and he was trying to protect them from the paparazzi. He said it makes sense and he home schooled them himself. Howard and Robin sounded shocked by that. Ian said that Michael was very educated. He said that he studied everything and he was very literate. He said he was well read too.
Howard said that Ian predicted that Michael only had about 6 months to love about 6 months ago. He asked Ian about that and how that prediction came about. Ian said that he checked into some private medical records and found that he could die at any second because he had anorexia, lung disease and some other health issues. He said that he could have died of a heart attack based on the anorexia alone.
Howard asked if Michael knew about the book. Ian said that he did and he was supportive of it when he found out that he was sympathetic.
Ian said that his book came out in December and Jackson's people said that it was a complete fabrication. He said that they then planned the 50 show tour and expected Jackson to do all of that.
Howard said that they claim that Jackson was a schizophrenic. Ian said that's what he was told. He didn't make that claim himself. He said that Joe Jackson turned a blind eye to that and didn't get him help. All he wanted to do was make as much money as possible. Ian said he hopes that the child welfare intervenes and doesn't let Joe get custody of the kids. He said that they might think that they have another Michael Jackson on their hands.
Howard said he saw that Debbie Rowe, the mother of the kids, doesn't even want the kids. She has never wanted them but now she's trying to get money from the family and claiming that she does want the kids. Ian said Joe wants the kids and wants to put them on tour and to give them record deals.
Howard said that now that the kids are out of their masks nothing crazy has happened. Ian said Michael just wanted to keep them out of the spotlight. The family went against his wishes and exposed the kids to the world. They're just trying to make money off of Michael.
Howard asked about Michael's marriage to Lisa Marie Presley. Ian said that he had infiltrated the church of Scientology and he heard a lot of talk about getting Michael to join. They used Lisa Marie to get to Michael. That's what that was all about. He said that there were people claiming that's what happened and they asked Lisa go marry the guy to get him involved with the church.
Howard asked why it would be so important to Lisa Marie to get him into that church. He said he had Lisa Marie on the show and she claims that she was really in love with Michael. He doesn't get why she would want to be involved with the church in that way though.
Ian said that it's rumored that Lisa Marie was pressured to marry Michael. He said he's not sure if that's true or not. Then there's the homosexuality thing. Ian claims that he found out that there are some men out there who claim that they have had homosexual encounters with Michael Jackson.
Ian said he heard rumors from Michael's mother that he was gay. He said he heard that she called him a ''fag.'' Ian said he looked into the allegations and found 8 men who claimed that they had slept with Michael. He said that he found 8 but only went with 3 because he needed extreme corroboration to make sure they were being real. He said that he found out that Michael would dress up as a woman when he was with these guys. Ian said that he would dress as a woman to get out of the hotels without being recognized. He would get rooms in Las Vegas that had cockroaches in them. He said he found out about one construction worker in Vegas and the guy had time lines and all of the information that he needed to prove that he had been with him.
Ian said that Jackson didn't come out as being gay because he thought people would think he was a pedophile. He said that Jackson was also afraid that being black and gay would be even tougher than being white and gay. Ian also claims that several people told Jackson that he shouldn't come out because of the race factor.
Ian said that Michael did fall in love with some gay men. He said that he liked guys who were 18-23 years old. Howard asked if they were muscular guys. Ian said they were toned guys and the construction worker was Asian. Howard asked if there was anything kinky going on. Ian said that they claimed that he liked to lick the guy's ''lollipops.''
Howard asked Ian how Michael met this construction worker. Ian said Michael was living in Vegas at the time and he was roaming around meeting them. He met a waiter in a restaurant and the next night they were in a hotel together.
Howard asked Ian about his book and found out he worked for 5 years on it. He did 5 years of research. He said this was his 12th book and he had to max out some credit cards while he was working on it. He said he did get an advance but not enough to last 5 years. He said he had to take a risk though.
Ian told Howard about he and his wife breaking up and how things are still okay between them. He said that they're both artists and they just had to get away from each other.
Ian said he really thinks that the courts have to step in and take the kids away from the Jackson family. He said he doesn't trust the Jacksons or even Debbie Rowe. He said they might need to be put into a family other than both of those.
Ian told Howard that Michael wanted the kids to go to his mother or Diana Ross. Howard asked why he would give the kids to a woman who could have been a part of the mental abuse. Ian said there is talk that there might be another will out there and the one that's out there now isn't going to hold up.
Howard said he has changed his will a bunch of times. He said he changes it whenever he's mouthed off to. He said he's changed it about 10 times.
Ian said that they have to look at the doctors in the Jackson case and also into the police force. Howard asked Ian if he believes what's going on around this guy. Howard said he's not sure why they're so fascinated by the whole thing.
Howard gave Ian a plug for his book ''Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson.'' The book is at number 2 on the best seller list right now.
Robin asked if Michael was obsessed with Nazis. Ian said that he did have some Nazi outfits and he would wear them around the house. Ian said that he had some songs about the Jews and he was bitter about the way he was treated by some Jews.
Howard asked if he really slept in a hyperbaric chamber. Ian said that was true too. He said that Michael knew how to spin a tale. Ian said Michael had plastic surgery and claimed it was only twice. They know better than that. He said he was trying to change his look so he didn't look like anyone in his family.
Howard said that Michael blamed Tommy Mottola for one of his albums tanking and Tommy had to talk some sense into the guy. He said that Michael was about the blame game but then he'd go out and spend all of his money on all kinds of nonsense. Ian said he made some bad decisions and he was millions of dollars in debt when he died.
Howard said the one thing that kept him afloat was the Beatles catalog that he bought. Ian said that was the only thing that kept him going.
Howard said Michael had assets but it didn't all balance out. Ian said he was living in Dubai for a while and he was being supported by some guy out there. He said that's the only reason he thought about doing the come back.
Ian said that he was on a show in London the day he announced his tour and told them that the concerts would never happen. Ian said that he was proven right when he made that prediction.
Howard asked Ian if he liked his music. Howard said he never liked it. Ian asked if he had ever danced to any of his songs. Howard said he never did. He said he can't even dance to any song. He demonstrated for Ian and then went over and danced with Ian. Robin said that's the first guest Howard has ever danced with like that.
Ian said that Michael's music as moving for him. Howard said he didn't like it. They spent a minute going back and forth on that. Artie said that the dancing is going to be number one on Howard TV for months once it airs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy's story doesn't check out. He said that the guy has just been sucking Michael off. He said that there's no way Michael was out in Vegas dressing like a woman and going out. Howard said he thinks that he could have done that. Ian defended himself and said that he's got the proof in his book.
Howard said that when he was dating he was able to get about 1,300 lovers in 2 weeks and he was able to keep it quiet and secret. Howard said that there are ways to be clandestine about what you're doing and he thinks that Michael could have done that kind of thing.
Ian said that Michael was gay and ''so what?'' He said that he finds it highly insulting that this caller is saying what he's saying. He said that the important thing is getting the kids help and not bashing Michael Jackson. He said that they should let the guy rest in peace.
Irish John called in and said that there were a lot of allegations about Michael giving alcohol to kids. He asked if that was true. Ian said there was truth to that. He said that Jackson had alcohol addiction and he had to go to rehab for that. No one but Liz Taylor did anything about it. She urged him to check into rehab.
John asked what the purpose of giving the kids alcohol. Ian said that Martin Bashir did an interview with Jackson and Bashir used Jackson while he was addicted to drugs to manipulate him. He said that Jackson had a lapse of judgment and he suffered the consequences.
Ian said that Jackson loved kids and he didn't want to have sex with them, he just wanted to bring kids together. Irish John asked him if he ever ''infiltrated'' Jackson himself. Howard said that was a little too much and cut John off.
Howard talked to Ian about Jackson sleeping with young boys. Ian said he wouldn't let his kids do that but there are some people who were okay with that.
Another caller said that Howard's bullshit meter should be going crazy with this guy. He said that this guy has to be making this stuff up. Ian said that he has to read the book before he says that. The caller said that this guy wrote the book to sell. Artie said there isn't any other reason to write a book.
Ian said that he wrote the book before Michael died. He said that the book was on the presses when he died and he had to stop them and add a chapter and change the title of the book. He said that he should read the book before he bashes it though.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked him why he didn't call social services about him. Howard said Ian thinks that he was a good father. Ian said that if you present him with the smoking gun then he'll write about that. He said he wrote about what he found. He said he set out to nail the guy but it turns out he couldn't. He said he thought that they had another OJ on their hands but that's not what he found.
Artie asked Ian if he thinks that he was such a junkie that he would really shoot up in his neck. Ian said that he was a junkie and he wouldn't have been alive without some of the drugs he was on. He said that Jackson had to deliver the goods and he had become despondent toward the end. He said that the AEG people put out the video of Jackson were saying that he was perfectly healthy the day after he died.
Ian said that they examined the video and they're saying that Jackson wasn't in fine form and he was out of sync and even Jackson said that he felt like a marathon runner after doing just one song. He wasn't going to be able to pull off the tour.
Artie said that maybe AEG had a motive to murder the guy if he was worth more dead than alive. Ian said that they could have gone bankrupt if he hadn't been able to pull it off. Howard said he thinks that they thought that he was going to pull it off and they weren't out to get the guy. Ian said he's not claiming murder. He said that he's pretty sure that the authorities have their act together out there and know what they're doing.
Robin asked how Michael passed a physical for the tour. Ian said that he offered to pay for a medical exam to find out what the real deal was.
Howard asked if Neverland is going to become some kind of shrine for Jackson. Ian said it will. He was bailed out by a guy and he's part owner in that ranch. He said he's got details on that as well and he has barely hit the tip of the iceberg with what he's spoken about today. Howard said that he's given away so much that people won't want to buy the book.
Howard gave Ian some more plugs for his book and thanked him for coming in. He told him to do his next book on the life of Artie Lange. Artie said he's writing that book himself. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that poor Gary made that pitch at the Mets game this season. It's still making news. He said there was a show on called Sports Soup where they talked about the pitch. Howard played that clip and they showed his pitch in the clip and then said that the catcher had given Gary the sign for ''suck.'' Gary said that was kind of funny. He didn't mind that one.
In another clip a news reporter showed Gary's pitch and made fun of that. Gary didn't like that one because it was a couple of reporters in Sacramento.
Gary said they showed Obama throwing his pitch last night and he started to feel that same feeling he felt the night he threw the pitch. Obama didn't embarrass himself like he did but he also can't throw a ball very well.
Howard played another news report where they talked about Obama's pitch and then threw in a mention of Gary's awful pitch.
Artie said that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays offered to let him throw out a pitch and he's going to do that if they just call him and give him a date.
Gary said the special is going to air on July 31st at 2pm on Howard 101. Howard said it's great that Tom is doing this for them. Howard said that he wouldn't have been able to do something like that when he was 16 years old. Howard said that they're going to play both of the interviews in the special.
Howard said they have some clips from the special to play and Moe Howard was very thought out about comedy. Howard said Moe talks about Jerry Lewis and the kind of money he was making. He said that what the Three Stooges did was 10 times funnier than Jerry Lewis and they were never paid.
Howard played one of the clips where Tom was talking to Moe and asking him about comedy. Moe was telling him about what he thought about the kind of physical comedy Jerry Lewis was doing. Moe said that a comic can make a situation funny without words. He thought that Jerry would be a great comic if he wasn't so egotistical.
Howard played another clip where Tom asked Moe about what he would classify his type of comedy under. Moe said that it wasn't slapstick because that's what the circus is about. Moe said they do pure ''farce'' and not slapstick.
Howard said there was way more happening there than they thought. He said that Moe was way more thought out than the thought. He said he was impressed by what Moe was saying. Gary gave Howard the details again and said that the special is airing on Friday, July 31st at 2pm on Howard 101. Howard said that Tom was just a kid and held a microphone up to the phone to get these interviews.
Howard said everything is racist with that guy. He played another one where Hate Man went off on Artie about his alleged DUI arrest. Hate Man said that he was probably out there doing drugs and drinking that day. He said that's his boy and he was making him proud.
Howard said that Crazy Alice called in and left some messages too. She was going off on Howard about his complaining about his job and told him to just quit now. Howard said she's upset about his Michael Jackson comments and stuff. Howard said she was yelling so hard that it was hard to understand why she was so upset with Robin.
Steve said that Artie has pleaded not guilty in his DUI case. He's scheduled to appear in court on August 26th. Artie said he's getting a new suit for that case. Howard asked Steve if he'll be there. Steve said he may be off that week and may not be able to make it.
Steve said they have more on WBCN and why the former program director there, Oedipus, thinks that things fell apart. Howard said that station was great and the inmates really were running the asylum there. Oedipus had said that it was the suits there that ruined it for them.
Robin said that Oedipus wasn't even there when it went down. She said that he had gotten out when the suits took over. Howard said that they revitalized the station when they went on up there and they fell apart after they left. Howard said that all of CBS radio has caved. Steve added that they're caving like NBC radio did.
Steve said that they went to the Stoogeum in Pennsylvania and checked out some of the stuff they have there. They did that in advance of the Tom Bergeron Three Stooges special.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of things they were going to be covering today on the show. That led to the guys talking about Ian Halperin for a few minutes and some of the stuff he was saying about Michael Jackson. They went through some of that and tried to figure it out but Howard said they really don't know enough to comment on that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the Blackberry Tour and why Wi-Fi is so important to Howard. Howard said that it's great because you can do stuff in your house over Wi-Fi. The caller said he has the Tour and it's great. Jon Hein said he just got one and it's great. He said he doesn't really miss the Wi-Fi.
Howard said he just got Beth a Blackberry Bold and she was giving him a hard time about it because she didn't have any service to text people. Howard said it becomes his fault all of a sudden.
Howard said that the Wi-Fi is great because it's fast. Jon said that the Tour is great too though and that's what he should get for Beth. The caller agreed. He said that the Verizon network is very fast and he won't miss the Wi-Fi.
Jon told Howard that they will eventually put Wi-Fi on the phone. They have to. He said they want all of the traffic on their network though because that's money for them so that's why they don't have it yet. Artie said he doesn't even know what Wi-Fi is and his phone works fine on Verizon. He said he's looking to get an old rotary phone that he has to plug in somewhere so he just has a phone.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Howard ended up talking to Robin about her going to the roast of Joan Rivers during that too. Robin said Joan asked her to do it so that's why she's doing it. She said she will tell Joan that she didn't mean any of it at the end. Artie said he never does that and just tells people to go fuck themselves.
Steve Brandano came in to preview tonight's Intern Show. Steve said that they'll be talking about Margie getting some air time and how some of the other interns are upset about that.
Howard said he saw a girl on Regis And Kelly that claimed that she looked like Michelle Pfeiffer and she mentioned she was an intern on the Howard Stern Show. Artie remembered her from 5 or 6 years ago. Steve said they'll have to get her on the show.
Jon said that the technology is better on newer phones and they're improving on them. He said he likes the Blackberry and he's moving up with it. Ralph said that people think they have to change every two weeks when they don't really need it. Howard asked Ralph why he upgraded to an iPhone. He should have stuck to a pay phone with that mentality.
Artie said Ralph knows how to use an iPhone and he's kind of right about that. Jon said he really doesn't get a new phone all the time. He said he had the other phone for a year and a half.
Howard hung up on Ralph and had Robin start her news. Robin read a story about a gay film festival where some director advised gay actors to hide their sexuality to be successful. Howard said that isn't a bad idea. He said that some gay guys have a hard time being taken seriously when they play a part like that.
Robin read about a new George Carlin book that's coming out this fall. Robin said she's looking forward to reading that. That led to the guys talking about some of their favorite comics. Howard said Eddie Murphy was great. He said he loves Chris Rock, Sam Kinison and some others. Howard said Sam was so brilliant that he might be tied with those two. Howard said he didn't like Pryor that much. He said he was good but not that great. He thought Jerry Seinfeld was a great stand-up but he works straight and he likes dirty humor. Howard said Jay Leno was a great stand-up comic too. Howard said Billy Crystal and Steve Martin were great too. He hated Bill Cosby. He said he saw him in concert and it was a huge bore-fest. Howard said he could do comedy as bad as Bill Cosby. He demonstrated by telling some lame jokes about a dentist.
Artie said that every major comic would disagree with Howard about Cosby. Howard said they wouldn't. He figured that Chris Rock thinks the same about Cosby as he does. Artie said that Rock marvels at Cosby though.
Robin read some Michael Jackson news and they're treating it as a homicide and concentrating on one of his doctors who was working on him at the end.
Robin read about the AEG company thinking about doing a tribute show for Jackson and doing a concert with Jackson's siblings. Robin said she's not sure anyone is looking for the Jackson siblings. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:55am, Robin got right back to her news. She read a story about a military robot that can refuel itself on the dead bodies it kills. Howard liked that idea. He said that sounds great to him. Robin said that the robot is named EATR and it can run on other organic things other than bodies. Robin is worried it'll become a Terminator like thing. Howard said that's never going to happen. He assured her of that. Robin asked what it would eat if it ran out of fuel. Howard said they're going to control it and it's not just going to start thinking and eating on its own.
Robin read a story about the wealthy couple down in Florida that were killed in a robbery. They had 16 special needs kids that they had adopted. Robin said that there are some business ties that connect the suspects and the victims. She had some audio of a cop talking about what they had in the case and another guy talking about the motive in the case. That was robbery.
Robin said that 8 of the kids were in the home at the time and a 9th ran out to get assistance. Howard said he's not sure why they had to kill those people. He doesn't understand that at all. He said they're a bunch of scumbags.
Robin read some news about Sonia Sotomayor and what's going on with her. Artie said he tuned into CNN to get a Michael Jackson fix yesterday and they were covering this Sonia Sotomayor crap and he found it boring. He said he hated to admit that.
Howard ended up talking about Jerry Springer not being on America's Got Talent. He said they made it seem like he left on his own but he doesn't believe that. Howard said he had to have been fired. Robin said Jerry is now over in London doing some kind of show there. Howard said Nick Cannon tries too hard on that show but he still likes it.
Robin had some audio of Sonia Sotomayor explaining how she's very fair in her judgments and she goes by the law. Robin had some audio of some hecklers at the court as well.
Robin read about an Iranian airline crash that killed 168 people. She read the details of that crash. She also had a story about how Iran may have an atomic bomb in a few months. Howard said that he wouldn't set foot on a plane in Iran and he can't imagine that they'll get the bomb right either. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard read an article about the awards they've won in that part of the world. They haven't won many Nobel prizes for inventing stuff even though they have a huge portion of the world's population over there. He read about the other countries that have won and Israel had a ton of them. Howard spent a while on that subject and pointed out how stupid it is to blow up Israel. He said that destroying people is easy but actually creating something isn't.
Robin read some news about Joe Jackson and played some audio of him talking about how he never beat Michael when he was growing up. Joe said that his wife spanked Michael more than he ever did. Joe also talked about how he believes it was foul play that got Michael killed.
Robin read some news about a diet pill that made mice lose 25 percent of their weight in a week. They're saying that they don't expect that to happen to human beings. If it did, it would be kind of dangerous.
Robin read some news about the All Star game that went on last night. She had some other news about some various sports stories as well.
Robin read a story about a new treatment to get people off of the internet by shocking them. She said that if you're on for more than 6 hours a day playing games and not getting off the computer, you're probably addicted. Howard said he might be addicted because he plays that chess online all the time.
Robin mentioned a book that Ted Kennedy is writing and how they're going to have a limited edition that will cost $1,000.
Robin read a story about an evangelist who wants to marry an 8 year old. He's 74. Howard said that might be a little too big of an age gap. The guy took the 8 year old over state lines to have sex with the girl.
Ralph called in and said that he was watching some show about Kennedy where they play some old Nixon tapes where they try to bury Kennedy. Howard did his Kennedy impression a little bit.
Robin read some more news about the evangelist and how he had married some other young girls. She also read some news about the new Harry Potter movie that's coming out.
Robin read some news about David Arquette and Courtney Cox being signed to do Scream 4. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon started the guys off talking about Robin's announcement about roasting Joan Rivers. Gary said he got a note from Joel Gallen about Robin sitting at the dais and he wasn't sure if she was going to be in the roast. He said he thinks that she'll do fine though.
Jon asked Artie what advice he'd give Robin. Artie said it's a brave thing to do and he's done pretty good himself. He said sometimes they'll cut you out of the show and not air it. He said he's been lucky so far. Artie said his first was the Hugh Hefner roast and it was nerve wracking.
Artie said he's not sure why anyone would just be on the dais and not talk. He said some people do that though. Artie said they're usually bitter C-level celebrities. He said that Robin isn't a comic so it's really ballsy for her to try it. He said that's what's cool about her.
Artie said his agent told him there is some interest in him doing that roast so he may do it. He said if he didn't, he would help Robin out in any way he can. He said Sal is great at it too so he'll help too. Benjy and some of the other comics might help too. He said she should call Nick DiPaolo too.
Artie talked about how Robin can do this roast and do it well. He gave her some advice and talked about the way things might work out for her. Artie said she has to make sure she doesn't laugh at something no one else is laughing at and just move into the next joke. Artie said that Howard would be a great roaster too. He thinks that Robin is going to do good when she does this thing.
Gary said that there's a different expectation from Robin than there would be from Gilbert Gottfried or Howard or someone else.
Artie said they won't hold Robin up to that kind of standard like they would with Jeff Ross or someone like that. He said that will only last about 10 seconds though. He said you need some funny stuff even if you're not a pro.
Artie said Robin should be able to find a lot of guys who are willing to help her out. He said that even Jim Florentine should be able to help. He said she should have pages and pages of shit she can go back to. He said he commends her for giving it a shot.
Artie said he was invited to do the Pam Anderson roast and he was too busy to do it. He said he was upset about that because he really wanted to do it. He said he would have loved to have roasted Courtney Love there that night. He said that would have been so easy. He said that Robin may get some jokes about Howard when they roast her too. The guys were wondering what kind of stuff they're going to hear about Howard there.
Artie said that the roasts they did there at SIRIUS were great and they were really brutal. They talked about how harsh Gilbert Gottfried can be. Artie said that shit is going to come out of his mouth that will sound hateful. He said he shudders to think about what he'll say.
A caller had asked who was going to be there. Jon read a list of some of the people who were scheduled to appear and they did have a lot of people scheduled. There were some unknowns in the list too though. Jon said the roast should be good based on the list of celebrities he had read.
Another caller asked Artie how he felt when Howard didn't mention him in his top 10 list of comedians. Artie said he wouldn't expect Howard to put him in that list. He said no one in the world would put him in that list. He said he appreciates the guy thinking that but he wasn't uncomfortable at all.
The guys talked about some of their favorite comedians like Richard Pryor and guys like that. Artie said Pryor was great and he doesn't get why Howard didn't have him on his list. They also talked about Eddie Murphy and how great he was when he was doing stand-up years ago. Artie said that he was great in his early career. They talked about some of their favorite bits that Eddie used to do and talked about how politically incorrect they were. Artie said that's what he grew up on. He said today that stuff would get some protests but not back then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he liked some of the old Bill Cosby stuff and thought that some of it was really funny. Artie said there were some funny Cosby bits. He said that his bit about God talking to Noah was another great bit. He said he disagrees with Howard about Cosby.
The caller said that Robin is going to be the worst roaster because she's such an insane narcissist. He said that she's going to suck at the roast. She's going to giggle and it will snowball and it'll be horrible. Gary said that Robin is funny to him but not in a stand-up comic way. He thinks that she's going to pull it off if she gets the right jokes.
Gary said John Stamos was able to pull off the roast thing and he's not a comic. Artie said that he was able to get up and do a rebuttal and Gary was able to do that at his roast too. He said he did really well and Gary isn't a comic either.
The guys talked about how great Sal is at roasting and that's because he has no filter and he also has confidence. Gary said Sal believes he should be there, that's why he has that confidence. Artie said that Sal really should be there and he deserves to have that feeling.
Artie said he will try to help Robin out even if he does the roast. He said she should go to Sal first and get a list of the people who will be on the dais. He said Bob Levy would help her too and she shouldn't have any problem getting jokes.
Ralph called in and complained about not having time to get jokes together for the roast they did of him. Gary said they only had a day to put that thing together. Ralph said that it was going to happen the next day in the afternoon but they changed it to the morning. Ralph said that they were going to do the roast as a separate special but they changed it to do it on the Stern Show the night before and he didn't have time to get jokes together.
Artie said he agrees with Ralph on that. He said that they did throw that thing together pretty quick. Gary said he wouldn't have had time to put a roast together that quickly though. Artie said he had a few pages of jokes and gave them to Ralph like a half hour before the roast. He didn't have time to prepare for it though.
Ralph also brought up Eddie Murphy and asked what happened to that guy. He said he used to be funny but he's not funny anymore. He does movies that are just horrible. Benjy said that he could probably do some great stand up today but they're basing those comments on his movies. Benjy thinks he could put something out now that would be great. Ralph asked why he doesn't then. Artie said he thinks it's the political correctness and Eddie becoming pretentious and having too much money to bother with that.
Jon asked Ralph how he thinks Robin will do. Ralph said that she'll do good and not being fat anymore will help. He said that they can't take shots at her about that anymore.
Ralph said Robin will get some jokes from some people and it'll work out fine. He said it would be a disaster if she tried to write her own jokes.
Gary said he saw Paula Abdul try and tell a joke one time on American Idol and it just wasn't funny but she insisted on doing it. He said that he's hoping that Robin doesn't try to do that.
Sal came in and said that Robin asked him and Richard to help. He said that she has a couple of irons in the fire that they'll be surprised about. He said that she's got people working on it for her and she will be prepared. He said her attitude is great and she's got a lot of confidence. Sal said she'd be able to brush it off even if she doesn't do well. He said it should be spectacular either way.
Artie said Howard is very honest and he'd be a great roaster too. He said Howard doesn't like being in front of a live crowd though so that's why he doesn't want to do that stuff. He said Robin should be fine in front of a crowd though. He said that she'll do okay if she's got some good material.
Sal said Robin won't be upset about one clunker of a joke because she's not a comedian. Sal said she won't care and she has nothing to prove so it'll go fine.
Artie said he and Sal did a roast of Ronnie there. He said that Sal really killed and there were people saying that he and Sal were great at the roast and it gets really competitive when it comes to stuff like that.
Ralph told Artie he should do the roast. Artie said that he's not sure he's even invited, they're just saying that there is ''interest'' in him doing it. Ralph said they must be interested if he actually shows up to the roast.
Artie said that they should have Sal on that roast. Gary said that Sal isn't a well known name though. Gary said Sal might be great but his name isn't like a Betty White or someone like that. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said he never felt that Jackson was a child molester. He said if he really was there would have been a parade of kids coming out. He said that never happened. Gary said he really doesn't think he was a child molester.
Jon asked Gary what it takes to infiltrate and be an undercover journalist. Gary said you have to lie and become someone else to gain their trust. Not everyone can pull that off.
The guys talked about the licking of the lollipop that Ian talked about. Benjy said his gut feeling was that he wasn't a child molester like Gary was saying. He said that the whole identifying the penis thing was so wrong. He said that no one can identify a penis like that.
Jon said that Ian also talked about the Scientology thing and how they tried to convince Lisa Marie to marry him to get him into the church. Gary said he had never heard that story before. They talked a little bit. Benjy said that he heard that it was Jackson who had targeted her because he wanted to be in on the whole Elvis thing. Jon said that the whole thing was bizarre.
Gary and Jon talked about Michael's will and how maybe he hadn't updated it recently. Gary said that if Jackson thought he was going to die you'd think that he would have updated it all.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Howard and Ian were dancing together to some Michael Jackson music. After that Gary said he hasn't laughed at something so hard as he did today. He said that Ian got up and danced more white than any white man he's ever seen.
Gary said that he loves a lot of Michael Jackson songs. He said he could even throw together a great Jackson 5 CD that would be great. He said they did make some good music even if you're embarrassed to admit it.
Benjy said that the dance that Howard and Ian did was so funny he almost passed out laughing. He said it was a very serious interview and then they get up and just start dancing in the middle of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he appreciated the author talking about that stuff. He said that it's hard not to believe the stuff you hear about Jackson. The guy said Ian did sound odd when he spoke though. He said it sounded like a fake voice.
One caller said that Ian sounded like the manager of the Jesus Twins. Gary said that's exactly what he was thinking. That guy's name was Jonathan Mendelssohn. Benjy said he doesn't remember that guy but one of the guys attacking Ian was saying that he could have just made up the stuff he had in his book. He said he thought the guy was great and he could have listened to him talk for hours.
Another caller said that Ian had changed his views on Jackson today. He said he might go out and buy his book (Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson).
Benjy asked if Jackson knew that Ian was writing a book about him when he ''infiltrated'' the family. Jon said he's not sure if he did or not. He said he may have known.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Howard's dancing. Gary said he had seen him do that before so it wasn't as surprising.
Another caller said he can't believe they think this guy had credibility at all. He didn't think he did. The caller asked how he could find out about Jackson getting dressed up like a woman and going out with guys. Jon said that Ian did say he had to take some time off to write the book and it sounded legitimate to them.
Another caller said he didn't believe that Jackson was a child molester and he's not sure that Artie's DUI was even real. Gary said that it was a fact that Artie got arrested. He said it was a fact that Jackson admitted to having kids sleep in his bed. He said that he may not have molested them but he did have kids sleeping in his bed. Jackson admitted to that in an interview.
The caller was saying that Jackson must have had some good in him. Gary said that he doesn't know that he does because he didn't know him.
Shuli was in and said that when Scott gives his answers he seems like he doesn't want to check into anything. Benjy said that Scott has to get everyone to report to him if they do anything to Howard's board. Gary said that might be the right thing to do. He should know about it so he knows if anything could have happened.
Jon said Scott made the mistake of saying that he could go work at McDonald's if Howard retires. Gary said he didn't even do anything wrong and got thrown into that whole thing.
Jon asked if Scott could get a job if Howard leaves. Gary said there are plenty of engineering jobs out there for him. Gary said he's not sure what Fred will do if Howard leaves. He said that for what Fred does, he's not sure if there's another job like that. Gary said Fred is a great writer but he's not sure what he wants to do after this.
Benjy said he wonders what Fred and Robin will do. They're making good money now and he's not sure they could get the same kind of pay. Gary said Robin has a better shot at it than Fred would. He said that Robin could do her own show maybe. Fred might not be able to do something like that.
Shuli said he doesn't think that anyone in the studio would have a hard time finding a job. Shuli said his pick would be JD. He said he's going to have a hard time finding a job and going through an interview. Benjy said JD might have the easiest time because he's at a starting out level.
Another caller said that he just got a year subscription and he hopes that they don't leave. He also said that Jackson's music was made for himself to dance to and they didn't play that stuff in clubs. Gary said he was out of his mind, they played that stuff in the clubs all the time in the 80s. The caller didn't remember any of that going on in Virginia Beach.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that you have to appreciate Michael's music even if you don't like it. Shuli said the guy was creepy and had a merry-go-round in his back yard. That makes him not like the guy as a human being. Shuli said he can't like his music or the guy himself.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Steve Langford said he was going to be taking vacation in a couple of weeks after a 2 week long vacation. He also pointed out that they should have Jim Rome on the show to talk about cell phones because he carries two around. The guys didn't get the connection there but the caller had his reasons. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying that he took his parents out to dinner last night. They were talking about Robin. He said his mother was saying that Robin looks better than ever. Howard said he told her about Robin's green foods and all of that diet stuff. She thought Robin was looking great and told him to pass it along to her.
Robin said she had a picture that was taken of her back in her book years and she had to ask her agent to get her something more current. She had to submit it for the Joan Rivers roast.
Howard said he thought Robin had some shiny shirt in the old picture. Robin said that was actually the Channel 9 show days. She had a dress she wore on the cover of her book ''Quivers: A Life.'' Howard said that was a very serious book.
Robin said she had a big announcement to make. She said that for years Oprah has had a bra fitting special on and she always thought that was a bunch of B.S. Robin said she wanted to try the bra fitting thing because she thought she was a 36-DD cup. She went into the store and said that the woman there told her she was a 34 something. The woman told her that she knew that she was a G or F and not a DD. Robin said she had them reduced and they were still a G or F according to this woman.
Robin said it turns out she's a G-cup. Howard asked if she's angry with her surgeon for not making them smaller. Robin said that she was but he thought she'd be out of proportion if he had gone smaller.
The Howard TV guys showed a shot of Robin showing her bra on the show one time. Robin said her bra was always riding up in the back and things like that. It turns out she's a 34-G and no longer a 36-DD. Howard was shocked that she was so big.
Howard had a bunch of song parodies about Robin's boobs and they were all referencing the DD cups. He played a Little Mikey song where he referred to the DDs. Howard said they're going to have to change all of them. The song he played was ''Come On My Jeans.''
Robin said she got a bunch of new bras yesterday. Howard played another Little Mikey song called ''I Jerk Off to Those Big Brown Boobs.''
Howard asked to see Robin's new bra. Fred played a drum roll waiting for her to show it but it wasn't happening. Howard said it's the same as showing a bathing suit top. Robin showed him the strap. Howard said the strap looked loose. Robin said that's because the support comes from the back and not the strap. She said it's great that she has something that fits.
Howard asked Robin where it hits her in the back. Robin didn't want to show him anything though. She said she wasn't going to take off her shirt for him.
Howard said he was asleep when she came home so he's not sure what time that was. He said she was texting him last night saying that she wasn't having a good time but he knows better. He said he wishes he could go out on a Wednesday night like she does. He said he's not worried about her cheating or anything but she gets to go out and have fun while he has to go to bed early.
Howard said he'd be bumming Beth out if he actually went along with her. He said he was thinking about taking this job where she'd have to be away for a month. That was bumming him out even though he's happy for her. Howard said it would be tough though.
Howard said he might need some woman to come in and keep him happy for a month while she's away. Howard said he gets kooky after about 2 days on his own. He can't function on his own.
Robin asked what it is he'd be missing. Howard said he feels abandoned. Robin asked why that is. Howard said he needs someone to take care of him. Robin asked what he's avoiding. Howard said he's avoiding his thoughts. He likes distraction. Robin said he's addicted to other people so he doesn't have to be with his own thoughts. Howard said she's right.
Robin said that maybe Howard would find that he's a greater guy than he thinks he is if he is on his own. Howard said that's not what's going to happen.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's packing her bags to come over and be that woman for a month. Howard said she does cook. He said he's going to put her name at the top of his list. Mariann said that she'd even whisper or do sign language so her voice wouldn't bother him. Howard said he's pretty sure she wouldn't leave him on a week night. Mariann said that Beth shouldn't be leaving Howard during the week. She said ''shame on her.''
Howard said it was one of those secret performances that wasn't so secret. He ended up doing 7 songs after saying he was only going to do 2. Howard read about that performance and they were saying that the streets were clogged with people because so many knew about the concert.
Howard said it makes it hard to get around over there when they do stuff like that. He said he doesn't mind it when they do it for him but not for anyone else. Howard said Paul is doing some concerts at Citi Field too.
Howard said Gary is going to see a concert at Citi field and the prices are ridiculous. Gary said he thought they were going to be around $200 each but it turned out to be $275 plus an additional $15 service charge.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that they planned that free concert out there. He said Paul wanted to do something cool for the fans and that's when they planned to do the concert. Vinnie said they did a bunch of songs for the internet feed for the show.
Vinnie said the problem was that he couldn't tell anyone. He said that they could have shut it down if too many people showed up. Vinnie said that's why he didn't call and tell Howard and the guys to come down. Vinnie said that the cops and the mayor's department are incredible for making it happen the way it did.
Howard asked Vinnie why Dave didn't break format that night and just make the whole show about Paul instead of sticking to the format. Vinnie said they did kind of break format and did a longer interview than usual. Vinnie thinks that they have to stick to some of the staples on the show though.
Howard said Vinnie has the best job. His job is to stay out of Letterman's face and he just steps in if there are any issues between Dave and CBS. Howard said Dave has never socialized with Vinnie in any way. They just work together. Vinnie said that they do just work together.
Howard heard that Vinnie is working on a musical for Broadway. Vinnie said he did write something. Gary told Howard that Vinnie has put a lot of money into this show. Vinnie said he's put about $70,000 of his own money into it so far. Vinnie said it's expensive to do a show like this and hire people to do it. Howard said he would never put up his own money like that. Vinnie said you have to do that in the beginning. He said it will be worth it. Howard said he's pretty sure they'll never see it on Broadway and this will all be a waste.
Gary said Vinnie found a great wife with Debbie because she supports him on this. Howard said she's probably thinking about what a shithead he is for spending their nest egg on this play.
Howard played some of Vinnie's ''Restless, Restless'' song when he and his partner Tom were doing their session working the song out. Vinnie asked Howard to please not play that. Howard let it play through though. Vinnie kept asking Howard to stop it. Howard kept playing it.
Howard said he can imagine that Vinnie's whole play is full of songs like that. Howard said Tim Sabean is willing to let Vinnie play his musical on Howard 101. Vinnie said he's not ready to do that yet. He said that it will be some of the most incredible music they've ever heard.
Howard said his daughter Emily is friends with Vinnie and was telling him that he's very inspirational with this play he's putting together.
Howard asked Vinnie what he's spent this $70,000 on. Vinnie said, first of all, he video tapes everything he does. He said he does a lot of the writing on the bus. Artie told him to just make a pile of $70,000 and shovel it into an oven.
Vinnie said he has a bunch of credit cards maxed out right now. He said he has to slow it down a little bit. Vinnie said he did have some of the money to spend but he has had to borrow some too. He has the credit cards maxed out as well.
Vinnie told Howard that he has to pay all of these people to write out the music and sing the songs so they're being paid by the hour. He said he has to stop when he runs out of money. Vinnie said he hasn't told Dave about the musical yet. Vinnie said he does the work at night when they're not working on the show.
Howard asked what kind of money he has on his cards and what he's spent out of his bank account. He said he has probably spent more on his credit cards than out of his bank account. Vinnie said he probably owes $35,000 or so on his credit cards.
Howard told Vinnie to come down there and sing him one of the songs. Vinnie said he wouldn't do it justice. Howard asked what the best song is from the soundtrack. Vinnie said it might be a song they did this week and that would be ''Some Day'' or ''Space and Time.'' Howard told him to come down there today and show them the tapes. Vinnie said they're not getting a hold of those tapes like they did with his old tapes.
Howard said he thinks that Vinnie wants to leave his wife and this is how he's spending all of their money so they have none left.
Howard said he has a title for the play. It could be ''The Sound of Money... Being Wasted.'' Howard said that he's crazy for spending this kind of money on his credit cards. Vinnie said he's investing in himself. Howard told him he doesn't want him around his kid if that's the kind of thing he's going to be doing. Howard said he would never put up a dime of his own money to do something like this. He said he would find investors to put up the money.
Vinnie said he will do that eventually. He said he has to show what he's capable of first. Robin said they know what he's capable of.
Howard told Vinnie he will give him a half hour to come in and show what he can do. He said he can play his music and everyone will hear what he's capable of. Howard said he can cone in and debut his project and pitch it right there. Vinnie said he has to talk to some other people about that. He said Howard could turn it into a mockery. Howard said he'll give him his own half hour show on Howard 101. Vinnie said he had to think about it.
Howard asked what there was to think about. Vinnie said they could turn it into a disaster for him. Vinnie said that they could take tapes of it and play it on the show and ruin it.
Vinnie said he thinks that Artie would be moved by this play and he would actually cry. Artie told him to come down and prove it. Howard ended up playing another one of Vinnie's recording sessions for ''Restless, Restless.'' Vinnie said he can hear the investors dropping out now.
Howard said Vinnie is like the guy on America's Got Talent who comes out thinking he's going to win that thing and he gets gonged. Vinnie said he's the guy that's going to come out and hit it out of the park.
Ralph called in and said that Vinnie has way too much free time and is over paid. Ralph said he emailed Vinnie yesterday and asked him about the Paul McCartney thing. He said that Vinnie told him no when he asked to come down. Then he found out he played on the street. Vinnie said he wasn't allowed to tell anyone about it. He said they were going to shut it down. Ralph said that he wouldn't have told anyone, he never told anyone about Vinnie telling him what an asshole Letterman is. Ralph said he was just kidding about that Letterman thing.
Ralph said that Vinnie is paying 26 percent on those credit cards and even he doesn't have that kind of rate on his cards. Ralph said that he's not going to even watch that McCartney concert on CBS.com like Vinnie kept saying he should do.
Howard asked Vinnie if he owns his house. Vinnie said he does so Howard told him that he could take a loan out on the house. Vinnie said he could do that. Howard still didn't understand why he was spending his own money on that.
Howard asked Vinnie how Letterman is doing against Conan. Vinnie said that Nightline is doing very well but they're not losing to them like Howard thought. Vinnie said that they're beating Conan overall which is incredible. Howard said that Conan is saying that he beats Letterman though. Vinnie said that they're winning every night in the overnight's. He said that they beat Conan with those ratings. Then on Thursday they get the national level ratings and they get the demographic information. They find that Dave has been winning in certain demos but other demos Conan wins. Vinnie said they're thrilled with the way things are going. He's pretty sure that last night's ratings should be amazing.
Howard asked about Leno and his new show. Vinnie said that it's not a brilliant move to go to 10 o'clock. He said that he thinks that he may get the same kind of numbers he got at 11:30 and that won't make it. Howard asked what will happen if he does get those low ratings. Vinnie said he's not sure if they'll keep it going or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that he's letting Vinnie get 30 minutes of air time. He thought that this was the same guy who goes to the Springsteen concerts and texts everyone. The caller thought Vinnie was a waste and couldn't believe that he was spending all of this money on a waste of a musical.
Vinnie asked what this guy does for a living. The caller said that's the same thing Artie does when he wants to deflect.
Howard asked Vinnie when this play is going to be in a theater. Vinnie said that they should be work shopping it by next year sometime. They have to rehearse it and get it worked out before they can just go to a theater. Howard thanked Vinnie for calling in and let him go.
Robin said she saw Private Parts recently and she realized how great Howard and Mary were together in that movie. She said they were both great. Howard said he might have Mary come in and act like his wife when Beth goes away for a month. Howard said he'd love for Mary to come in and pretend to be his wife for a month.
The caller said he was hoping to see Robin's bra since he remembers that last time she showed it. Howard said she really wants to show it to him and he can't wait to see it. Robin said she just can't get out of that shirt today. Howard said he's dying to see that new bra. The Howard TV guys showed her previous bra shot while they were talking about that.
Fred asked Robin about her boobs and if they're drooping more now. Robin said they're the same as they've always been. She said she's still getting support from this new bra and it's the perfect fit.
Howard asked Robin about her wrist and how that's doing. Robin said she's getting better and she can move it. She showed Howard that she can move it but it's still weak. She's going through therapy and trying to get it stretched and strengthened.
Howard asked Robin what she has to do for therapy. She said she has a pole she has to grab and move up and down. Howard told her she could grab his pole and give him a hand job. Robin said they should all line up and she can give them all hand jobs.
Ass Napkin Ed asked for Robin's old bras. Howard asked Robin if she would give them to him. Robin said she won't do that. She doesn't know what he'd be doing with them. Ed said he has various reasons for them. He wants to auction them off.
Howard told Robin to just give them to him. Howard said he could build a tent out of them or something. Ed asked if he had any games to play and also mentioned this web site CrudeBay.com where he sells show related stuff. Ed said he's selling stuff with his name on it with Howard's name in parentheses. Howard said he can't put his name on that stuff. Ed said he won't do that if Robin gives him her bras.
Ed also mentioned that Beetlejuice's manager Sean had died. Howard said he did hear about that. Robin and Artie didn't hear about it. Howard said he had a heart related issue or something. Howard said he was sorry to hear that. He had to go to break after that.
Gary said that about 6 months ago it was at about $50,000. He said it was almost like it came to him in a dream or something and he's going to go through with it no matter what. He said he loves Vinnie so much that he wants to believe that it can happen. He said Vinnie thinks it can happen and it's making the guy happy.
Howard played more of Vinnie's song and laughed as it played. Robin threw in some lyrics about how Vinnie used to have $70,000 while that was playing.
Fred said he's not sure there's anything that could save that song he was playing. Fred said that you could try to fix it but it would be like trying to give Michael Jackson CPR on a bed.
Fred played some Broadway play music behind Vinnie to see if he could help out the song at all. It really wasn't helping. Howard got back to his commercial for Klondike bars after that.
Vinnie called in again and told Howard to listen to the finished version of that song. He said that wasn't from his play either. Vinnie said he writes incredible songs but he doesn't sing them very well. Howard asked if they had the finished version of that song. Fred said they didn't. Vinnie said he'd send it right over. Howard finished up his commercial break after that.
Howard came back and said he hopes the TV guys have a shot of Robin rockin' out. Robin said she made sure the light wasn't on the camera so they didn't.
Little Mikey called in and said that this was heart breaking that her bra size has changed. Howard said all of his songs are kind of wrong now. Mikey said that he'll fix them.
Howard played Vinnie Favale's finished song that he was playing during the break. Howard said it was a lot better. He laughed when he said that though.
Howard said Mikey sent him a lot of new songs yesterday and they all reference Robin's DD cup. He said it's now a G. Howard played his ''Come On My Jeans'' and told Mikey he has to change those songs now. Mikey said he can do it. Howard helped him out a bit telling him how to fit that into the song.
Howard said he had to get Lisa G in there to do her news preview. He said he had Tom Arnold coming in too. He said they have to talk to the NBA player who dumped his fiancee at the last minute too.
Howard asked Robin if she was stable with the 34-G cup because he doesn't want Mikey going back and recutting everything if she's going to change again. Robin said she's sure that's where she's staying. Robin said it's like learning that she wore the wrong shoes all these years. She's not going back to the old size.
Artie said he's pretty sure his mom might be a DD. Howard said Artie's mom is kind of hot. He said he'd like to take those ankles... Artie said he's completely in favor of Howard dating his mom. He said he'd be over at the house by the pool and all of that. Howard said no one needs that nightmare in their life.
Howard said that these women get their hair down and then don't wash their hair for days. He said they go and get it blown out again a few days later and let their heads stink. Howard said he's asked these women why they can't blow it out themselves. He said they just say they don't know how.
Lisa said that it's not that easy and that's why these hair salons are staying in business. Lisa said she's doing what Howard said women do and not washing it. She said she had it pinned up this morning.
Howard told Lisa that if he wanted straight hair he would hire the guy at the salon to teach her how to blow it out. Lisa said it just never comes out the right way even after she has researched how to do it.
Lisa got to her news preview and talked about how Evan the Engineer was saying that Howard's board is always spotless when they go in to clean it out. Howard said he likes to keep it that way. He can always tell when someone touches it. He said someone must have done something to it yesterday because it sounded great today. Scott the Engineer said that he did tweak it a little bit yesterday.
Howard said he treats the equipment there like he paid for it. He said some guys don't care about it and treat it like crap but he treats it like he paid for it himself. Lisa said that Fred doesn't keep his clean according to Evan. He told her that they have to scrape stuff off of his board. Fred said he wasn't aware of that. He said he may be eating over the board.
Lisa said that Benjy's area has been much cleaner since he spilled liquid and almost killed a computer. Howard said he wants to keep the place nice since they've worked at some really shitty places.
Robin said that her assistant was there yesterday and she thought it was an amazing place she worked. Howard said he's amazed about her new assistant. Howard said he was walking out yesterday when Robin stopped him and introduced him to Dennis, her new assistant. Howard said he didn't know the guy. It turns out it's Captain Dennis who taught her how to drive her boat. Howard said he knows that she loves the guy but it's just not going to work. Robin said he worked his way into the job by helping her out in a lot of other stuff. He takes care of her house and does stuff for her that she doesn't even ask for. Howard said he doesn't think it's going to work.
Robin said Dennis was going to leave her this winter if she hadn't done this. She said she can't let him go because he's so helpful. Howard asked if he went with her to get the new bra. She said he didn't go along for that. She said she cut him loose for that.
Howard asked what the over/under was on Dennis. He said he was giving it 4 weeks. Fred asked how long she takes her boat out. Robin said the boat comes out of the water in October. Fred said that will be the over/under. Howard said that he'll last through the summer but after that he won't. Fred said he'll be around until November.
Artie said he knows the guy and he works for him too. Artie said he'll be there after December. Howard put $100 down on that. Howard told him to give him the money now. Fred said he may skate by until after December. Howard took a $100 bet from Fred on the over.
Howard said it will still count if he stays on as her captain after the assistant thing. He said that he's just betting on the assistant thing.
Howard said he heard that Steve Langford got a hold of him and Dennis was talking about Robin's net worth and things like that. Gary said Jason told him that he thinks Dennis is going to be out as her assistant by the end of the day.
Artie said that Dennis is very efficient and he thinks that he'll get some leeway that other assistants may not get.
Lisa said that Underdog Lady informed them that she's got a new cat coming into her home. The cat bit her finger twice and she had to go to the hospital when it got infected. She's been in the hospital for two days because of the infection. They have to slice and drain the infection. Howard thanked Lisa for that and let her go.
Tom said that he had a couple of Klondike bars out in the green room. Howard said someone turned him onto their freezer filled with Klondike bars and he's fallen in love with them. Tom said he had so many he ended up getting arrested in New Jersey for a DUI. Artie said that's what happened to him.
Howard said Tom is really into the Klondike bars. Tom said he likes the crunchy bars. He said he had two before coming in there. Howard said it looked like he had lost some weight. Tom said he did and he will work those two bars off.
Howard said it's great around there with the Klondike bars. He said they have nothing there and Klondike hooked them up with the bars. Tom said he didn't know they had so many varieties. He said he can't wait to get home and stock up on them.
Robin wondered if Tom was sent there by Klondike. Howard said he wasn't, he was just loving the bars he tried in the green room.
Howard said Tom was in a movie in 2008 where he played a child molester. Howard said Tom was molested as a child so he knows what that's like. He also said that he has to thank his molester for everything because it made him who he is.
Tom said he was trying to find something good about the character he was playing. Tom said that he won some awards in France for the part he played but he didn't thank that fucking asshole for molesting him.
Tom said that he just moved recently and he could see Farrah Fawcett's place. He said that one night he saw that they all ran off at one point and he jokingly asked if Michael Jackson had died or something. It turns out that's exactly what happened.
Howard said he feels bad for Ryan O'Neal because of that. He was just getting some press when Jackson died. Tom said he feels bad for Ed McMahon because he had just died too. Tom talked about Ed being a war hero and all of the great things he had done and he was broke by the end.
Tom said he and Ed were really good friends and would travel together and hang out a lot. He said he went to his funeral too and joked about how Ed had brought Farrah and Michael Jackson with him up to heaven so he and Johnny Carson could have a great show that night.
Howard asked Tom about the Ed McMahon friendship and how that came to be. Tom kept mentioning that they had the same birthday, march 6th. Howard wondered if that was part of being his friend. Tom said it apparently was.
Tom said that he had Ed on his show one time and the director of the show made him audition. Tom said the guy has been playing Ed McMahon forever and he still wanted him to audition. Tom said he had final pick in the show so he was going to pick Ed no matter what.
Howard asked Tom about the money Ed went through. Tom said Ed told him that he had just lived too long. He said Ed told him that the divorces were the things that were taking his money. He said the marriages weren't so bad, it was the divorces that get you.
Howard asked Tom why he's thinking about getting married again. He said he's just not good in a marriage. Tom said he thinks he can be good at it.
Tom was saying that his ex-wife Roseanne has been calling Arnold Schwarzenegger the N-word. Howard thought it was the real N-word but Tom meant ''Nazi.'' Tom said that he and Arnold are close and they still text each other and text each other. The texts ended up out in the press because they're state property.
Tom said that he and Arnold have to have their assistants call each other and they just yell at each other in the background so it's harder to hear them.
Howard said that Tom and Arnold are going to do a sequel to ''True Lies.'' Tom said they're working on it. He said that Arnold is going to come back to acting to do that movie.
Howard asked Tom if Arnold is sick of being governor. He said he won't admit it but he thinks that it's been very hard on Arnold. Tom said that things have been tough for Arnold as Governor of California.
Howard asked Tom why he's not taking Ed's advice about marriage and not do it. Tom said that this will be the last marriage. Howard said he said that about Shelby too. Tom said she was another one. That marriage didn't last long.
Howard asked Tom where he was sitting in the funeral. Tom said he was sitting right behind Wink Martindale. He said that Wink is looking younger than him. He said that his wife wears glasses that say ''Wink'' on them. Tom said he loves that guy.
Tom said he was watching the Michael Jackson funeral and saw Magic Johnson and Kobe Bryant go up to speak about him. He said that Magic was talking off the cuff and said that the best moment in his life was eating fried chicken off the floor with Michael Jackson. He said he thought about how many other things he could have said were the best moments in his life. The birth of his kids or maybe when he found out his wife didn't have HIV were the best moments.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that Michael Jackson was a child molester. Tom said after talking to people and reading stuff about him he's not sure he was. Tom said he had dinner with Michael one time. He said that Sidney Portier was there too.
Howard said that Arnold's wife set Tom up with a woman one time. Tom said that the woman was very ''natural'' looking. He said she wasn't as beautiful as Maria was. Tom said people set him up all the time and they try. Tom said she was a very nice woman and he hopes she doesn't hear this. Howard said that Maria must not think much of him if she set him up with this woman. Tom said she was very nice.
Howard asked Tom why Roseanne, after making peace with him, is saying things about him in the press. Howard read that she was saying that he was abusive to people when they were working on the Roseanne show. Howard said she's painting him out to be a maniac. Tom said she's a crazy fucking bitch, that's what she is. He said she sounds mentally ill when she talks about some things. He said she claims she thought that she could have helped Michael Jackson and also stopped the L.A. riots.
Howard read some more of Roseanne's quotes and she was saying all kinds of wacky stuff about him. She claimed that he used to pee with the door open on the set of the show. Tom said with the size of his penis he never lets anyone see it so that's a lie.
Howard asked Tom why Roseanne is attacking Arnold too. Tom said that he's not sure but she's getting to a point where she's going to get sued by him. Tom said she can say all she wants about him but not about Arnold. Tom said that Roseanne helped him out a lot when they were together and he loved her kids but things went down hill.
Tom said that he and Roseanne were once offered $10 million to lose 20 pounds for Jenny Craig. He said that they ended up getting into a fight because they were actually gaining weight. Roseanne ended up stabbing him one night and he had to go to the hospital to get the knife removed. Tom said that they ended up getting $2 million to gain 20 pounds on that diet.
Howard said that if he got stabbed he would run for ze hills. Tom said Roseanne felt really bad about what she did. Tom said he lied about how he got stabbed because he didn't want to be that guy who turns his wife in for something like that.
Tom said that his fiancee's brother lives in Howard's building and they know each other. Howard wasn't aware of that. Tom said their dogs know each other or something.
Howard asked Tom if he's going to sign a pre-nup with this girl. Tom said he thinks he will. Howard told him that he should sit down and bang it out. Tom said he won't be there for that, he'll have an attorney handle it. Howard told Tom he would get wiped out if he didn't sign a pre-nup. Tom said he knows that.
Tom said that the fiancee is a 33 year old and she's great. He said she's a home organizer or something like that. Tom said she wants to have a baby too so he's got to take some kind of injection to make him more fertile. He said that he has some frozen sperm too so they can always go to that if they have to.
Howard asked Tom how many times a week he's having sex. Tom said that he's doing it as much as he can and maybe 4 times a week or so.
Howard said Tom is going to be at Caroline's on Broadway this week. Tom said this is the first time in 20 years he's done that. He said that he has the ability to marry people too so he can do that at the end of the show. He said he can marry gay, straight or whatever. He said you can get a show and a wedding for under 30 bucks.
Tom asked Artie about his DUI. Artie said that he will be vindicated with that. Tom said he's been following the story and talked about how people turn on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it was worse being molested as a child or having sex with Roseanne with the lights on. Tom said that he never said they had the lights on when he was having sex with her. Tom said he was fat at the time he was with Roseanne so he's not sure he deserved anyone thin at the time.
Tom said that the women he dates all have flaws and he makes sure that they do. Tom said that his fiancee's flaw is that she really cares about him. He said that she has lower self esteem than she knows too.
Howard asked Tom who the guy was that he had with him today. Tom said that's his future brother-in-law Mark. He said it will be the first time he's had in-laws that he gets along with.
The caller on the line was still busting Tom's balls about not being a celebrity anymore. Howard said this was Pittsburgh Pete who gives everyone a hard time. Howard said he thinks that Tom will go on to make another movie and he'll be a big star again when he does that.
Howard gave Tom some more plugs and said he can't wait to hear about his success at Caroline's. Tom congratulated Howard on his happiness with Beth. He said he knows that he said he would never do that again but he found the right person and it made him human again.
Robin said that Tom may have helped with the marriage vows that Howard and Beth had. Tom had said that he never felt women had his back and that was the theme of Howard and Beth's vows. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they might or might not have a call from Richard Jefferson. Howard said they talked about him yesterday but he's not sure if he's going to call in or not. Howard said he might back out on them like he backed out on his fiancee.
Howard said he's into talking to the guy but he's okay if he doesn't want to call in. Gary said he was trying to get a hold of the guy.
Howard said he read that this guy just broke up with her via e-mail but he also read that he had spoken to her on the phone for a couple of hours too.
Gary said they had Richard on the phone so Howard explained how he had called off his wedding at the last minute.
Howard told Richard he did the right thing. Howard said so many guys will go through with a wedding even though they know that they're marrying the wrong woman. Howard said they'll do it just because there's so much pressure and everything is planned out.
Richard said she's going to be 31 and he's 29 and kids would be very quick if they got married so he wasn't sure he wanted that. Richard said it didn't happen 2 hours before either. He said they're making a bigger story out of it by saying that. He said that they called it off at the beginning of the week and everyone who was invited knew about it by Wednesday.
Howard read that he had broken up with her via email but then read that he had spoken to her on the phone too so it wasn't as bad as they were making it seem. Richard said he sent her the email because he wanted to get all of his thoughts out in a row because it's tough when you're speaking on the phone.
Richard said his fiancee was a Nets dancer and she was a beautiful girl. Richard said that they all check the girls out when they're hanging around the games. He said that they were both living in New York at the time and they both had some problems with the relationship. They both made mistakes. Howard said that's understandable. He said that Richard is a famous basketball player who is traveling all the time.
Howard asked Richard about how long they were going out before he asked her to marry him. He said it was about 3 years. Then they called it off for a while and dated some other people and then started dating again. Richard said that they had broken up but got back together because they really did miss each other. Richard said they had broken up and gotten back together a bunch of times.
Howard said Richard gave her some money to take care of her since he called it off at the last minute. Howard said that was very nice and he didn't have to do that. Robin wondered when he knew it was time to call it off. Richard said that they had been arguing over the past month or so because of some stress after some family members had died. He said that they couldn't continue with that so they had to call it off.
Robin asked what they were arguing about. Artie asked if it was the face that she was dating Stephan Marberry on the side. Howard said ''Oh come on with that...''
Howard asked why guys are painted to be a villain when they call something like this off. Howard said they have to be honest with a person and call it off if you don't feel it's going to work. Howard said this guy did the right thing.
Richard said that the divorce rate is 50 percent and with professional athletes it's even worse. He said his parents have been married forever and he just didn't feel right going through with it feeling the way he did. He didn't want to have to get a divorce.
Howard said he read that Richard signed a great deal worth $68 million but he read that the wedding was going to cost him $2 million. Richard said that's just not true. Richard said it makes for a better story. He said he didn't even spend a quarter of that on this wedding. He also didn't give his friends his black Amex card. Richard said people assumed that he had done that.
Howard said he likes Richard and he thinks he's an honorable guy. He said that he should hold on to his money though. Richard said he is. He's not spending it like they make it out to be in the articles about the wedding.
Howard asked Richard if he had a pre-nup planned. He said that he actually did have one set up. Artie asked if he signed a contract with the Nets or the Spurs. Richard said he was traded to the Spurs this summer so he's on the Spurs now.
Gary came in and told a story that Will told him about Richard. He said that Will went to Scores the night after a game and Richard was already down there partying shortly after the game was over. Richard said that his girlfriend was probably with him at the time.
Howard said he's sorry that things didn't work out for him and Keisha but he's glad he called it off when he didn't feel it was right. He said he did the right thing.
Howard told Richard to do him a favor and put the girl who's in the bed with him on the phone. Richard said he's actually all alone and this will take some time to get over. Howard said he understands but he thinks he'll be back to dating within a week. Richard said that he has to let things settle down a big first.
Robin said she would go out with him. Howard told Richard that she's a 34-G now. Richard said ''Wow!'' to that. Howard asked him how long he needs to recover from this. Richard said he needs a few months. Howard didn't think that he needed that much time.
Artie told Richard that it's a shame he didn't get married because that's the only shot he had at getting a ring. Richard said that was a funny one but he wasn't really laughing.
Howard asked Richard when he got laid for the first time. Richard said he thinks it was sometime during high school and he would leave it at that. He didn't want to say exactly when it was.
Howard asked Richard about college and if he got laid a lot there. Richard said his school was a lot of fun. Artie asked him how big of an asshole Stephan Marberry is. He wasn't bad mouthing anyone so they didn't get a lot out of him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he's the first one to say when a guy does something wrong but Richard didn't do anything wrong. He said he did the right thing calling that wedding off. Howard said they had Mary Carey coming in next. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Mary Carey was coming in and she has a new porn movie out based on her Celebrity Rehab visit. Howard said people think that Mary is high today but she said she's just tired. She said she does drink wine now but she's not drinking like she used to. She used to drink a bottle of vodka and take some Zanax. Mary said that Dr. Drew is really amazing and said that she's not as bad as she used to be with the drugs and alcohol.
Howard talked to Mary about her mother who is kind of slow and schizophrenic. Howard said that she's a handful. Howard said it's not supposed to be like that for a kid. Mary said it was tough. She said her dad was actually there with her today and she hadn't seen him that much since he left them when she was just 7.
Mary said that she was told her dad died when she was 15 so she assumed he was dead. She said that he has CP and has a speech impediment. He was there with her today. Mary said she met him for the first time since she was 15 when she was out in Cleveland in 2006.
Mary mentioned that her mother had jumped off of a building back then so Howard cut her off and said he'd be drinking and doing drugs if he had all of this stuff going on in his life too.
Mary told Howard how her father found her through her web site after doing some research. She said that this is only the second time she's seen him since she was 7. Mary said he came all the way out from Cleveland to meet her there in New York.
Howard said he wanted to say hi to her dad. She said his name is Richard. Howard said it must be weird to have the guy around after not seeing him all these years.
Mary said her step-mom was there too. She also mentioned that she just got married on Sunday. Howard told her to hold off on that. Howard said hello to Richard and Ginny and asked Richard if he was shocked when he found out his daughter was a porn star. Richard said it wasn't shocking.
Howard asked Richard what he had said to her the first time he saw her. Ginny said he said that daddy loves her. Howard said it seems that Ginny loves Mary too. Ginny said she does. Howard asked Richard what he's going to do in New York today. Richard said he didn't know.
Howard asked Mary about her marriage. Mary said that she met this guy 7 weeks ago. Howard heard that Dr. Drew was furious with Mary about her porn movie. It's mocking the whole sobriety and rehab thing. Mary said that it wasn't to mock that stuff. She said that the movie was ''Celebrity Pornhab With Dr. Screw'' and it really wasn't to mock it.
Howard asked Richard if he wants her out. Richard, who could barely speak, said that he wants her out. Howard asked if he had seen her porno movies. Richard said he had. He saw it on a computer. Ginny helped him see that. Howard asked what she was doing in the scene. Howard asked if it was regular sex. Richard said ''Yeah.''
Howard asked Richard if he masturbated to the porn. Richard said no. Howard said that would traumatize a person for life.
Howard asked Ginny about how long they waited to get married. She said that they had been married almost a year. They waited a long time just to make sure things were right. Mary said she knew that this guy Mario was her soul mate. That's why she got married after 7 weeks. They got married in Vegas.
Howard asked Mary if the guy is jealous of her porn movies. Mary said he's jealous of the girl/girl stuff. She said she didn't want to do guys in this movie because of what Dr. Drew had told her in rehab.
Richard was holding on to his bible in the studio so Howard told him to hold on to it really tight.
Mary talked about how she met this guy Mario who is an electrician. She said she met him on a movie and she knows that he's her soul mate and it's going to work out. She said that Mario hasn't even told his parents about what she does for a living. Mary said Mario's father might be listening to the show so he may figure it out.
Mario was there so Howard had the guys bring him in too. Howard asked Mario if he thinks that 7 weeks is a little early to be getting married. Mario said he's disturbed when she's with other men in her movies and he would like her to get out of the business. He doesn't want her to bring women home for him either. He said she's a handful already.
Howard asked Mario if he's going to become her manager or anything. Mario said he's not. Howard said he hopes that they can be happy together.
Howard asked Mario a question about Mary. He asked when her birthday was. He knew it was June 15th but got the year wrong. Mary had to correct him on that. Artie told Howard to ask the father if he knows when his own birthday is.
Robin said she's pretty sure Mary knows what she's doing and 7 weeks was plenty for her to figure out this was the right guy.
Howard said he saw some video of Mary having sex with a Yankees player, Melky Cabrera. Mary said she met him through his agent and they did have sex. She said that he doesn't speak English though and it was kind of tough. Mary said she wasn't with Mario at the time. She said Melky was good in bed but not as good as Mario.
Howard asked Richard if he drinks. Richard said at one time he did. He wasn't an alcoholic though. Howard said between Mary's mom and dad, he doesn't know what anyone is saying.
Howard said he had a scene from Mary's movie to play but Mary asked him not to play it with her dad there. Artie told him to grip on to that bible. Howard said that this Dr. Screw has sex with one of his patients. Howard said Mary comes in as a nurse and sees the problems that they're having and Mary gets it on with the nurse.
Howard was about to play the clip but Mary was freaking out asking him not to play it or have her dad take his headphones off. Artie told the dad that this was his daughter getting fucked. Mary told him to stop.
Howard decided not to play the clip. He said that the bible had just burst into flames. Howard asked if Mary was up for a Sybian ride. Mary said that wasn't going to happen.
Howard asked Mary about seeing Chyna recently. Mary said she was really out of it at the time. She said she thinks that she may not be sober right now.
Yucko the Clown called in as Mary's grandmother. Mary said she was dead. It was Yucko just doing an impression of her father. They had to go to break a short time later. Check Mary out at MaryCareyXXX.com
Howard came back and said that Mary Carey's father was an inspiration to him. Howard said the guy sounded like a mess but the guy had an attractive wife who was totally into him and all over him. Howard said it really is a man's world. Howard asked how JD isn't getting laid. He said the guy with CP had a wife and JD can't get laid.
Howard said Richard should write a book. He's an inspiration to all men. Richard was still there so they brought him back in so Howard could tell him he was an inspiration to him.
Howard told Richard that he had to have a tough life but it was great he was able to get laid and to get a woman. Richard groaned something out. Howard asked if he had other women. Richard said he's had 3. Howard asked if he would ever write a book about this. Richard groaned something out. Richard didn't even remember where he had met Ginny. Howard asked if he has a normal sex life. Richard didn't want to say. He said it is normal for them.
Howard had JD come in to meet this guy. Howard wanted to tell JD that he's a real putz. JD said this was bullshit and he doesn't talk about a lot of things so he could have a lot of stuff going on. JD said he does have a hard time meeting women but he might have some stuff going on.
Howard asked Richard if he had any advice for JD. Richard didn't have any for him. Robin said JD is a lost cause, that's why. Howard apologized to JD for that. Howard said that's pretty pathetic that the guy with CP can't even give him any advice. Howard asked Richard if he thinks JD is handsome enough to get a woman. Richard said ''yeah'' to that.
Howard said he didn't want to spend a lot of time on this. He had Ginny come in and explain how she found Richard. Ginny said that Richard knows a lot of people around the area they live in. She said that he used to talk to her when she was younger. She said she would walk by and he would talk to her. She said it took her a little time to understand him but she eventually did. She said that they didn't see each other for about 30 years and then got together. She said that they do have sex but she didn't want to get into details about that.
Howard asked how often they have sex. Howard was guessing 4 times a day. She wasn't saying. Howard told JD there is hope for him. Ginny said that JD is a nice guy and he does have some home. She even gave him a hug. Howard said JD might pop a boner if she hugs him again.
Howard asked Richard if he would ever conduct a class on how to get women. Richard said no to that. Howard said he could make some good money doing that.
Ginny said that she knew Richard very well and could understand him just fine. She told some stories about her previous husband and how he had passed away. She got together with Richard before that happened though.
Howard thanked them for coming in and let them go a short time later. Ginny was telling Artie that she liked him and also liked Robin. Artie said the problem was that no one likes JD. Robin said she likes them very much. She said she likes JD too.
Steve said they have some news about Arturo Gotit's death because Chuck Zito claims that he heard from Gotti that he was ready to divorce his wife. The wife claims she's innocent. Artie said he knew Gotti pretty well and he enjoyed strippers and he did live life on the edge. He didn't want to say what that meant but the guy did like to have a good time.
Steve said that Janine Lindemulder is out of prison and in a halfway house right now. Steve also said that Shuli is supposed to be getting married tomorrow. His girlfriend is pregnant and she's only 2 weeks along. Howard said that it's not right to do that, they haven't even gone to the doctor yet. Howard said you wait 3 months to make sure it's set.
Howard asked if anyone gave the guy advice on that. Artie said he should say something to him. Howard said people might feel funny about taking advice from Artie at this point.
Steve said Lisa G is going to be a judge on Iron Chef America and she'll be shooting that tomorrow. The air date is yet to be announced.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard said a lot of people love the Wrap Up Show and one person suggested that they have Jon come in during the show and wrap up the segments. Howard said he thought that was kind of crazy but people do love those shows.
Jon went through his list of subjects they had for today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned Tom Arnold so they spent a little time talking about what a great guest he was today.
They also talked about Vinnie Favale's call today and played some of his singing that they played earlier. Howard said someone has to break it to Vinnie that the songs aren't any better when the professional does them.
The guys listened to Vinnie's song and picked it apart for a couple of minutes. Howard said they learned that Vinnie put up 70 grand of his own money on that play he's working on too. Jon said he's been hearing about the play for years and it's never ready to be heard. Howard said they may have to do an intervention with him and stop him from wasting his money on this play.
Ralph called in and said he thought the song Howard just played was kind of catchy. He said he liked it and he's mad at Vinnie right now. Howard wasn't so sure about the song though.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Mutt told Howard to just imagine the size of Robin's boobs if she hadn't had a reduction. Howard wanted Robin to bring in one of her old bras so they can see how much sugar they can hold. Howard said he wants to just do that even if it is the old cup size.
Mutt said this is big news for the fans so they'll be talking about that tonight. He also loved Ass Napkin Ed's request for Robin's bras to sell. They'll talk about that and also about Bruno, Cockyoke and a lot more.
Howard said he talked to a guy who had seen Cockyoke on Howard TV and was creeped out by it but couldn't stop watching. Howard said he heard Richard talking about how he was afraid that Sal was going to piss on him there. He said that would have been funny.
Robin said that she saw some rubber bands laying on the floor in the bathroom and they were the rubber bands that Sal used for Cockyoke. Mutt asked her to send them to him so he can sell them.
Robin started off her news with a story about Donald Trump's latest case being thrown out of court. He was suing a guy for claiming he wasn't worth the billions he claims he is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard had used a Darth Nihilus on Tom Arnold when he told him that he was going to have a good life. Howard said he was just joking around with the guy. Howard said he had no idea what this caller was saying.
Anther caller asked Howard if a guy is sexually excited by the smell of an ass that he's gay. Howard said yes to that. He said if you like the smell of man ass then yes, it's gay. He wondered what kind of question that is. The caller asked ''what about the taint?'' Howard said he had to go. The caller said it was a medical question. Howard hung up on him.
Robin read a story about a tennis player who convinced an anti-doping group that he had ingested cocaine by kissing a girl at a club. Howard said that's a great one and told Artie to write that excuse down.
Robin said they're not looking at Michael Jackson's death as a homicide. TMZ had claimed they were but the LAPD is saying that's not true.
Robin said that they're saying that Jackson has been addicted to drugs since his hair caught on fire back in 1984. Howard said he saw the video of his head on fire and it stays on fire for a long time and all of the hair is burned off his head. Robin said she thinks that's why he didn't have any hair. Howard said it was a pretty frightening event.
Robin said there have been some other Michael Jackson pictures coming out lately too. They have pictures of needle marks on his legs and things like that.
Robin read about Robert Redford getting married at 71. Robin said he's been with the woman for 13 years and they just got married. She wondered why they would do that after so long.
Howard said Robin is looking to get married so he wondered why she would be questioning this. Robin said she's just thinking about getting married in general. Robin said that she's not involved with anyone at this point and she's not going to be marrying anyone. Howard said Robin is obviously getting laid and he can feel it. He sees her flitting around there and that's how he can tell.
Howard asked Robin if she's seeing anyone and are they seeing her G-cups. Robin said she's not seeing anyone and she never told Howard she wanted to get married. Howard didn't understand why she was being so coy and silly. Robin said she's not.
Robin read a story about Dave Chappelle and wondered why he never shows up there. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said he did another crazy thing the other day. He announced he was going to do a free show in Portland, Washington. He showed up with a mic and an amp in a park and did this free show but no one could hear it. It wasn't planned and he left after only an hour. Howard said he seems to be more comfortable not being successful.
Robin read about the director that came out and said that Hollywood stars should stay in the closet. He has come out and apologized for saying what he said. Howard said the guy is right though.
Howard said one of the highlights of the Bruno movie is Paula Abdul sitting on a Mexican and she was up there at SIRIUS talking about it. He had a clip of that interview that he played. He said it's apparently up on YouTube. In the clip Paula said that she just found out that she had been pranked about 3 weeks ago. Paula said she woke up in a pool of sweat and remembered doing that interview a year ago. She had no idea it was Sacha at the time. She said the publicist is no longer with her because that person signed the release. Paula talked about the dude who showed up and how she didn't know it was Sacha. Paula said she stayed for the whole thing and thinks that she might be too nice. She thinks that the whole thing is hysterical though.
Howard said you'd think that she'd question the award they told her she had won. Howard said it's funny how people get sucked into that stuff. They just scam people into thinking that they won some award and they have to shoot this TV show and they suck them into doing a movie. He said that's kind of funny. Howard said he would have asked Paula what it was like to sit on another human being.
Robin read a story about Matthew Fox from ''Lost'' who says he won't do TV again. Howard said he doesn't blame him and he feels burned by that show too. Robin said Fox wants more time and flexibility to do other stuff. Howard said he'll have plenty of time after that show.
Robin said that ''Bruno'' has been banned in the Ukraine because of the nudity. Robin also mentioned that Harry Potter broke a record making $22 million in just one night showing after midnight. Howard said he's not that into those movies and they're the same thing each time. Robin said they are very redundant. She had some audio of some of the people who were in line to see the movie in one city. She also had some audio of other people talking about the movie.
Robin said that Bill Gates is thinking about manipulating the seas to stop hurricanes. Howard said the guy is very smart. Howard said that if they blew up the moon they could take care of some problems too. Robin read some of the details about the hurricane and how they would want to suck up the water to stop the hurricanes from sucking up water from the storm systems to stop them from becoming hurricanes. Robin said that Microsoft is thinking about opening up Windows stores right next to Apple stores.
Robin said that Paul McCartney was on Letterman last night and performed some songs on the show and outside of the studio. She had some audio of Paul talking about the relationship he had with Michael Jackson since Michael owned the rights to the Beatles songs. She also had some audio of Paul talking about how he was the one who gave Michael the advice to get into publishing and how he said he was going to get his publishing. That led to Howard talking about how Jackson gave himself that dopey ''King of Pop'' name and that's how he came up with the ''King of All Media'' name for himself. He said he and Jackie came up with that one day.
Robin read some more news about Sonia Sotomayor and had some audio to play of her and Al Franken talking to each other.
Ralph called in and said that Al Franken was funny and all but do you really want your senator being a comedian? Howard said he was putting down the other senators in a fun way so it wasn't really him being a comedian. Ralph said the guy isn't taking his job seriously. Howard said he thinks he is.
Robin read some news about the latest deaths over in Afghanistan and how things seem to be getting worse over there.
Robin read some news about how they could bring in money to California if they legalized pot there. Howard said he's not sure how people smoke that stuff. He said he's really not into that stuff. He said he doesn't want to inhale smoke into his lungs. He said there's something wrong with that. He said he doesn't like the paranoia either. He said he knows you can eat pot in brownies but he doesn't like that either. He said he'd be right there if it was a quaalude and some booze. Howard said he doesn't want anything in his system that doesn't belong there. He said he will drink though.
Howard said he tried a quaalude a couple of years ago and it wasn't as good as the old ones. He said he wondered why he was doing it too. He said the chick he was with vomited too and that wasn't hot.
Howard said he does still drink but he's gone after one drink. He doesn't get marijuana even though he used to smoke it. He said he was just trying to look cool back then. He said the booze makes him feel good and eases his tensions. He said he's an angry guy and everything makes him angry. He said he gets filled with rage if he tries to turn on a light and it doesn't come on.
Robin said that Steve McNair didn't have a will so his wife just found that out. Robin also had some audio of a new Amy Winehouse song. Howard played that and said it really sucks. He said that she was a one hit wonder. Howard asked if Vinnie wrote that song.
Robin read a story about Daniel Radcliff, from Harry Potter, talking about the greatest moment in his career. Daniel explained a scene he was in and Howard said the guy sounds like a really chatty dude. He has no interest in hanging out with him.
Robin read about a new Nicholas Cage movie called G Force. Artie said he's sure it'll be just like a bunch of other Nicolas Cage movies. Robin said this one is in 3D though. Howard said he loves 3D glasses and wears them just for the hell of it sometimes. Robin had some audio of Cage talking about that movie but Howard didn't last long listening to it.
Robin said that Brad Pitt was upset with Ashton Kutcher taking pictures of his wife's butt and putting them on Twitter. Howard said he loved that. He said her ass looked good and she's looking good too. Howard said he'd hit that. Howard said Ashton is okay with him now. He gets what Twitter is all about after all of that. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later. They were about to end the show but Robin had a story about the 67 year old woman who had a baby 2 and a half years ago. She's now dead. Howard said you can't be getting women that old pregnant. He said that God doesn't want a 67 year old pregnant and it's not fair to the kids. Howard said a 67 year old isn't meant to have kids. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Gary said he's not sure what's going on with Robin but she has a new life, body and a new assistant. Jon asked if he thinks that she's in love with someone. Gary said he thinks that she has some kind of fuck buddy or something. He said she's in a good place right now.
Jon asked Gary if he had ever seen a G-cup before. Gary said he's seen bigger thousands of times. Jon asked what will happen to her song parodies. Gary said they'll be fine with them and they won't have to change them all. They'll let them live on the way they are.
Jon played a clip of Robin making her big announcement. After the clip Gary said that he liked that the other woman just had to look at her to tell what size she was. Gary wondered why she's doing this now though. Jon said she's feeling much more comfortable. He wondered if she's doing to bring in one of those old bras. Gary wasn't sure but he'll ask her to.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Robin's new assistant is going to last past December. Gary said he'd do that with any assistant. He said that he's not sure what happens but they don't seem to last long. Jon wondered if he's going to remain her captain if the assistant thing doesn't work out. Gary said it could go bad and it might turn messy and it can't end good.
Jon said that Vinnie is very enthusiastic and he can sell you just about anything. Gary said that some people do love his music and Robert Goulet actually recorded one of his songs for a guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that most stores demand that a woman get fit for a bra these days. Gary said he knows that but he wondered what too Robin so long to do it.
Another caller asked about doing a song parody contest for Vinnie's song ''Restless, Restless.'' Gary said they have had some come in but they probably wouldn't do the contest.
The caller was saying that he thinks Robin was just sick of her bra hurting her and that's why she got fitted this time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that they need to get 50 Cent back in there to be part of the G-Unit. The caller was also saying that it's good that D and G rhyme because it'll make it easy to fix the songs. Gary said maybe Fred should throw in a pre-recorded ''G'' into the songs when they play them. Another caller said they need to have some song parodies to say goodbye to the DDs and hello to the G.
Jon took a call from Vinnie Favale's wife Debbie. She said that this was the first time she's calling in. She told the guys that it's hard to judge what this musical is from what they're playing on the air. She said that they can't say it'll be a failure based on the past stuff. She said that this musical is amazing.
Debbie said she almost dropped dead when she heard how much he had spent though. She said she got one of the cards one day and their $40,000 credit line was gone. She said that this is costing money to rent recording halls and stuff. She said that the play is really good though. She said there are investors who are willing to put money into it.
Gary said that they're pulling for him but they know it's a lot of money. Gary said they love him so much that they hope the money spent wasn't for nothing. Debbie said she understands that. She said that she'd be goofing on him too if she wasn't his wife. She said that he's working very hard on this thing and it's not like ''Restless, Restless'' being sung in the shower.
Debbie said Vinnie has been working on this for 5 years and it's really good. She thinks that Vinnie doesn't want to play it for them because he's afraid that they're going to goof on it. She said that there are people who have heard it and they are stunned by how good it is.
Jon asked Debbie what they have to do to make this thing happen. Debbie said they have more work to do on it and they've been getting the cast and crew lined up for it. Debbie said that they will have to take it to a stage and work shop it before taking it to Broadway.
Gary said they really do wish him the best of luck. Debbie said that she was laughing hysterically this morning when they were making fun of him but she really does think that this project is amazing.
Jon let Debbie go and took a call from a guy who said that it's hypocritical of Howard to tell people how to spend their money. Gary said Vinnie is a friend of his and that's why Howard is telling him to be careful with the money. The caller said that you can't go to Howard if you want encouragement.
Vinnie called in next. He asked what he had missed. Gary gave him a quick wrap up of what Debbie was saying. Vinnie said she has been great through this whole thing. He said that the music isn't going to be in the line of stuff they like so it's almost like he can't win. Gary said he would like to see it when it's a play.
Vinnie said he wanted to call John Stamos and ask him to be part of one of the songs. Gary said he might need another $70,000 to get him.
Benjy asked Vinnie about the play and Vinnie explained how great it has been working on this dream of his. He thanked the guys for taking his call and got off the line. They had to take a break after that.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the stuff Tom was saying about his friends Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ed McMahon.
Benjy said that there was something that he said about their conversations getting out on tape. He said they should get that stuff for the show. Gary said he thought it was text that they were releasing. Benjy said he though it was the audio.
The guys talked about Tom getting married again and wondered why he would do that. They talked about getting all of his ex's on the show to talk to them. Gary said he's not sure they could track them all down. He said they might all be in hiding.
The guys talked about Tom being upset with Roseanne and how she's still talking about him and he's still linked to her even though he hasn't been with her for 15 years.
Jon said that Howard was inspired by the Dad there. He wondered if any of that was passed along to JD today. no one thought that was the case. Gary said JD wants a super hot chick who will fuck him and then go away.
Will said that this guy that Mary is married to is a very jealous guy from what Mary told him. He's not sure the marriage will last.
Benjy wondered if the father was just some dude who isn't even really her father. Jon asked Will if they could verify that. Will said he didn't know. Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Mary's father Richard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is a stupid motherfucker and he has to be able to get laid doing the Howard Stern Show. Benjy said that JD was saying that there might be things they don't know about him. Will said that JD is doing alright. He has stories that he doesn't tell on the air.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Mary and her family are the most dysfunctional they've had on the show. Gary said the God Hates Fags family are probably the most dysfunctional. Benjy said that it was very entertaining today with Mary and they seem to be very happy.
Jon and the guys talked about how Mary's dad was covering his ears when Howard was threatening to play a clip from Mary's porno. Gary said you could hear him trying to cover his ears with the bible during that segment. That's what the scratching sound was on the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Richard Jefferson story didn't sound so credible to him. Gary said the guy sounded credible to him.
Benjy said he thinks that Jefferson should have gone through with the marriage and quietly gotten the divorce a few months down the road. Gary said that didn't make any sense because then they'd have a to go through even more than they would if they just canceled the wedding.
Gary said Howard can't live on his own for very long. Even when he was single he didn't stay single for all that long. He did have his crazy days after his divorce though.
Benjy wondered if Howard was trying to give Beth a hint that he didn't want her going away for a month. Gary said it probably was a little bit of that.
A caller said that it sounded like Steve Langford was kind of upset about the way Howard was calling him out when he pronounced a name a certain way today. The guys said that Steve is very sensitive about that stuff. He researches that stuff and doesn't like to be told he's wrong.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard could probably work 2 days after this current contract and they could do wrap up shows on the old shows to fill in the rest of the week.
Another caller said that he thought the Richard Jefferson interview was really good today. He went to school with him and he hasn't really spoken to the guy for 2 years now but he thinks that he might have a girl still out in San Antonio that he might be with.
One last caller said that he thinks that Langford was right about Janine's last name. He said that Howard is wrong about the pronunciation and Steve was right. Gary said they'd look into that. They had to end the show a short time later.