|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show playing some Tradio host clips and making fun of the way the guy says ''Tradio.'' Howard said he could laugh at that all day long. He said that Richard and Sal made another call to a show called Biz Baz too. He was about to play it but got sidetracked talking to Robin about the call she made to him yesterday. He said he didn't get the message until 9:30 last night.
Howard said he wanted to watch HBO on demand last night and they knocked it out of his system somehow. He wanted to watch ''In Treatment'' and he got angry that he wasn't able to do it. He said that Beth even pointed out that he was very angry and it was disturbing. Robin said that she had some problems with her TiVo and she gets very angry like that as well. She felt like her head was going to explode.
Howard said Beth tried to calm him down but he just gets angry. She tells him that things are going to be okay but he freaks out and just has to get things fixed. Robin said that she has problems with Time Warner cable and their service sucks so she wants to get that fixed.
Howard said he has to take things into his own hands because Beth won't do it herself. He said that he'll get worked up over stuff and she just lets it slide.
Robin said that she has to make phone calls to Time Warner to get her cable fixed for various reasons. Howard said that he turns into the Hulk when he gets angry. Robin said she saw a preview for a hulk cartoon and asked Howard if he would watch something like that. Howard said of course he would.
Howard said he spent the weekend reading a Spider-Man book over the weekend. He said it was so good. It's Spider-Man vs. the King Pin. Howard said he also got a novel of Batman and Superman that he really liked. There are no pictures and the book is terrific. Howard said he should give the dude a plug because he's so good.
Artie asked Howard why he doesn't write something like that. Howard said he'd ruin it by making it sexual. He said he'd have Superman banging Lois Lane all the time. Artie said that would be cool.
Robin brought up the cartoon thing again and told Howard about what she saw the commercial for. Howard said that he'd watch that stuff. They also talked about the Wolverine movie that's coming out. Howard said he got two bootleg copies of that movie but resisted watching it because the head of the studio that made it asked him not to.
Howard said he was on Google maps yesterday looking at wherever he was at. He said it's really cool to check out where you're at. He told Robin that she could download the app and check it out herself. Howard said it's really cool to be able to do stuff like that.
Howard said he's finally able to answer ''where are we'' when Beth asks him about that now. He said he's like a real guy now.
Artie said he saw a web site where they were showing live video of Iraqi soldiers planting roadside bombs on the side of the road. He said that they don't even know they're being watched. Artie said that they were showing the guys planting the bombs and then they know exactly where they are. Artie said they can even see where they leave their rifle's and stuff.
Robin said that they have all kinds of tracking devices now and you can stick it on your car to find out where it's at whenever you want. Artie said he's learning about that stuff and his buddy Mike is keeping track of him that way.
Artie said that they had Joey Kola there and next weekend Colin Quinn is going to be at that club. He said that Joey hosted the show for nothing. They had another guy who did it for nothing as well. Artie said that was really nice of them to do that.
Artie said that Angel got the check at the end and they were all chanting her name at one point during the show. Artie said that Angel is really strong but very emotional there at the show too. Artie said that they did a midnight show and it was close to 2am and she had to go to work around that time.
Howard had angel on the phone so he asked her what she's going to be doing with the money. She said that she has a tumor she has to have removed and she's going to use the money to help her take some time off. She also said that she's got to go in for radiation treatments and not chemo like Artie was saying.
Angel said that Artie was great and she really appreciates what he did for her. That led to Artie talking about the opening line he had at the comedy show. IT was about how he was doing a benefit for a woman who had fucked High Pitch Eric.
Howard asked Angel what was worse, being with Eric or the cancer. She said that was a tough question. Howard told her he hopes that everything goes well with her. Gary jumped in on the conversation and tried to say something to him. He thought he was going to hang up on her so he interrupted. Howard goofed on Gary for a few minutes about interrupting him like that. Then Howard and Artie reenacted that interruption. Howard was doing Gary and Artie was Angel trying to talk to Howard.
Gary told Howard that High Pitch Eric was still harassing Angel on Thursday after they asked him not to. She said that he was asking for a jersey back from her. She said that she told him that she already had it so she didn't want to give it back. Angel said that Eric told her that then he wanted her to keep it.
Artie said he heard that Eric may have been at the show on Saturday night. Angel said Irish John told her that he was there but he left early as a sign of respect for her. Howard said that Artie is probably going to go to heaven for doing something so nice for her.
The caller said he loved ''Fight Week'' when they ran that a couple of weeks ago. The guy said that they should have played the segment where Tom Chiusano punched his suit and broke his hand. That led to the guys talking about that and what the reason was for Tim punching his suit. Fred said it was because he was upset over some gambling he did and lost. Howard said that Tom broke his hand when he punched the wall instead of just his suit.
Howard said that Bea Arthur is gone. Artie said that it sounds like Blue Iris might be gone too. He said he heard something on H100 News that makes it sound like she's gone.
Howard said they sent Stuttering John out to interview Bea one time and she revealed that she was a fan of the show at one point, until she was attacked. Howard played the audio but the sound quality was screwed up so Howard blamed Scott the Engineer for that.
Howard continued the clip where Bea talked about how she used to listen to Howard Stern until he attacked her. John then stuttered out that Howard offends everyone. Howard reminded everyone that John is now the announcer on The Tonight Show.
Howard said the audio quality was annoying the shit out of him. He said he listened to the clip first thing this morning and it was clear. Gary said that Scott was claiming that it was the same clip and it was just edited. Howard said that one side of the audio is off. Gary told Scott but there was no response.
Howard said that he didn't know a lot about Bea Arthur. Robin and Gary talked about what they had seen in news reports about her. Robin said that she was only 5'9'' tall and she thought she was much taller than that. Howard said that maybe they'll play that clip again on the anniversary of her death and they'll get it right next time. That led to them playing the ''Scott's Fuckin' Up Again'' song parody.
Richard came in and showed the guys what's going on with his arm and the wound he had from his zit is now bleeding. Howard asked him what's up with that and said it has to be MRSA. Robin said she wants him out of there. Howard told him to leave and go to an emergency room. Richard said he didn't want to call in and make them feel like he was faking it.
Howard told Richard to get out of there. Richard said he was out swimming over the weekend and that might not have helped. Howard said that Seth MacFarlane is coming in today and he's making Richard leave. He said that's kind of funny. Richard wasn't going to be forced to do that load on his back thing. They dropped that whole idea.
Howard said Richard really has to get that thing checked out. Richard said it's kind of neat looking. Howard said he really has to get that fixed. Robin told him that this is how the Swine Flu got to this country, from people like him.
Richard said he hates missing work. Howard told him he should have taken care of it on Friday. Richard said he went to a dermatologist and they're going to give him test results today. Howard told him that it shouldn't take that long to find out.
Artie said Richard should be panicked about that wound. Howard said he thinks that the stuff he's putting on that wound is making it worse. Robin said it was frightening that it was getting worse. She said it shouldn't be leaking the way it was.
Richard said it went from being a pimple to that. It was starting to heal last week but now it's worse than it was.
JD told him that he doesn't even know that it was definitely a pimple that he popped. He's assuming it was a pimple. Howard said Richard came in there to talk about Swine flu like he was worried about it. Meanwhile he's got that open, weeping wound on his arm.
Howard said that it's like whenever you say something stupid, you just say you're like Howard Stern and you get off the hook.
Howard said that it looks like Al Franken isn't going to get to take his senate seat yet. The guy he was up against isn't going to let him take it. He's taking him to court over it. Howard said that they did the recount and found that Franken had won but the race was kind of close so the other guy is going to hold it up again by demanding another.
Howard said they won't decide the outcome until this summer. Howard read an article about it and had some other details about the case. Howard said they could end up tying up every single election like that.
Howard said he was on the Howard TV web site watching Mike Gange's interview with the new Miss Howard TV and he's not sure why Gange is on camera while she's on camera. Howard said that the camera angle was odd and they're saying that Gange is a personality now. He doesn't get that. He said that they go on and on with the interview and they don't seem to edit that stuff down. This video is out there for free so you'd think that they'd edit it down a little bit.
Gary said that Gange was saying that he's a known personality from the show so that's why they have him doing that and the announcing for Howard TV. Howard said the whole thing was making him mental. He said that they don't have to make this stuff bad just because they're putting it out there for free.
Howard played some of the audio of Mike and Becky Wunder doing their interview and the audio quality wasn't all that great. Howard said that he would have done it in a much different way. Robin even suggested that they have her doing wardrobe changes during the clip but they didn't do that at all.
Howard played some more of the audio and said that he got so angry watching that video. He wasn't even able to sit through it all. He said he's willing to sit there and watch hot chicks talking but not with that clip.
Howard said that Becky was barely in the shot and he'd like to know who the camera guy was. Howard played a little more of the video and said that you have to see it on the Howard TV web site. He then complained about the Howard TV guys not being able to get his wife into the building recently. He talked about that last week.
Howard had some video of Mike and Becky on the monitors to show how bad the set up was in the green room. Gange and Becky were talking about the Beer Pong show that she took part in and they wouldn't get off of that subject. Howard said he loves Gange but he never pictured him as the face of Howard TV. He said he never pictured him in that position and he's right.
Howard played more of the interview and Gange was asking her the same questions that he had asked her during his interview. Howard wondered why he would do that. Howard and the guys were doing their impressions of Gange and making fun of the way he would repeat questions. Howard said it went on and on for what seemed like hours.
Howard gave up on playing the clip. Artie said that stuff like that makes you appreciate guys like Howard and David Letterman for their interviewing skills.
Howard said that they should just edit out some of the questions that don't work because Gange just isn't that compelling. He said it goes on and on and now he's hearing it in his head.
Howard told Richard not to prank him again. He said that he had just wasted 10 minutes of the show. He said if he does that again he's going to fire him. He said that he wasted his time and his arm still looks infected to him. Richard said he has a buddy who does special effects and they did that. Howard told him to tell his friend to go fuck himself.
Howard said that they're going to get sick from him. He said the joke failed because his arm is infected. Richard said it's gotten better. Richard said that it's only been a week and a half. Howard said that he's infected and he has to get that thing taken care of. Richard said it's not that bad. Howard said it's not as bad as the fake make up stuff but it's still bad.
Howard told Richard to leave. He said that he doesn't get why he's telling him that he has to get that thing checked out. Howard told him he's disgusting. Richard apologized to them for what he did. Howard said now he's probably going to die from Richard's open wound.
Howard said that Richard is disgusting and he doesn't want to be ''Punk'd'' on his own show. Artie said Howard has said that many times on the air that he has no desire to be pranked and Richard went ahead and did it anyway. Robin said that they're probably going to be pranked by Sal next and he'll come in saying that they've been ''Governale'd.''
Artie said that he got contacted by Captain Janks' lawyer over the weekend and he's trying to get him out of jail. Artie said that they were asking him for money to bail him out and they need $1,300 to get him out. Artie said that they heard him talking about the benefit show they were going to do and they want the money now.
Gary said that Janks is in jail and he had people going after him criminally. Now they want Artie to be the savior of Janks by bailing him out. Gary said he was going to pass a message along to Artie and the lawyer said that they ended that benefit money because Artie said he was going to do it for him.
Artie said that he can't make that happen until he sets up some kind of gig. He said that he didn't expect them to be demanding $1,300 all of a sudden. Howard said that Janks has to stop taking money from these clubs where he's not showing up.
Artie said that he can't even do the benefit for a few weeks. He said that he can still do it but he doesn't know why Janks' family can't come up with that $1,300. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's one of his favorite songs. He asked Fred where that version came from. Fred said he wasn't sure but looked it up and saw it was a ''live house blend'' and that's all the info he had about it. Artie said it sounded great to him.
Howard said he likes that song ''I Want You to Want Me'' but then he heard Lindsay Lohan trying to sing it and it wasn't so good. Howard said that she's had such a horrible life that she probably can't even work at this point. Artie said that he and Frank Sebastiano were talking about writing a movie and possibly getting her to be in it.
Howard played the Lindsay Lohan version of ''I Want You to Want Me'' and it sounds like they drowned out her voice. Howard said he could probably do better than her. He said she didn't have any soul singing it.
Howard said he saw that the drummer from Cheap Trick and the Asian guy from Smashing Pumpkins created some kind of new supergroup. He mentioned that and then played Cheap Trick's original ''I Want You to Want Me.'' Howard said that Lindsay wants people to not want her from what he can tell. He said she's sending out that vibe.
Howard said there was a cover of that song that was really good but he wasn't sure who sang it. Fred said Dwight Yokum did a cover. He played that country version of the song and threw in some ''Deliverance'' pig squealing sound clips while that played. Howard said he kind of dug that one.
Howard said they found some clips on the internet to play. He had one 911 call where a mom was complaining about her 15 year old son because she was tired of him and she was ready to kill him. Howard said it was the greatest thing ever. He played the call and the woman says that her son is disrespectful and stole her car. She gave a list of other things that he did wrong and how she was going to kill him if they didn't get over there. She threatened to kill him with a hammer.
Robin said she wanted to know the outcome of that call. The woman had said that she was going to commit a ''187'' so the guys talked about how funny that was.
Howard talked about the Batman book he mentioned earlier (Enemies & Allies: A Novel) and said that it was written by Kevin Anderson. Howard talked about that and how great it was to just sit back and read that in the nice weather they had there. He said that it's almost like they went right from Winter to Summer this year. He said there is no spring anymore.
Howard ended up reenacting that 911 call he'd just played into something that his mother would have done back when he was 15. He had her talking about what he could have done wrong to deserve a 911 call. He was doing her voice and complaining about his messy room and things like that.
Lisa said that she spoke to Blue Iris' husband last week and he told her that he is probably going to keep her on life support for one more week. She also said that she heard that they're hoping to keep her social security checks coming in because they can't afford to do her funeral. Howard said they may have to go to the Artie well for the money again.
Howard said that they could put her in a final movie with Howard, Robin and Artie dragging her around like Weekend at Bernie's. Howard said that the plot could have her being invited out to Robin's summer home and they sneak her out to Robin's house. Robin said they could put her on a jet ski. Howard said they put her on the jet ski and she falls off into the water. Then he and Artie have to go find her in the water using scuba gear. Then Artie wants to do heroin with Blue Iris. Howard said that then they could have Artie take her down to Delaware and then she can do some stuff with him. Then Lisa plays violin for Blue and she drops dead.
Howard said that Sal and Richard are going to be doing a tribute to Blue tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm. That should be nice.
Lisa said they'll have some behind the scenes stuff from Artie's comedy show on Saturday night. Lisa said they have some audio of Angel talking about the benefit show and how that all went. Lisa also said that Joey Boots is wondering why Artie isn't throwing him a benefit show. Howard said that's because Joey doesn't have cancer. Artie asked why Joey can't figure that out.
Howard said that this woman Angel has 3 jobs and cancer and that's why Artie is helping her out. Artie said he hopes that Joey was kidding. Howard said it doesn't sound like he was. Lisa said he wasn't.
Howard said he heard that Dan the Song Parody Man wanted Artie to do a benefit show so he can pay Artie back. Howard said he was just joking about that of course.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about the Star Wars movies and how awful the last three movies were. Howard said that George Lucas didn't put any effort into the final ones. He said that he doesn't even want to watch the originals now because the new ones were so bad.
Howard said they're going to go see the new Star Trek movie and the new Wolverine movie. He said that they look good. Fred told Howard he had to take a break so that's what they did.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He wondered if that guy can really sing and win American Idol. Robin said he probably wouldn't wow the judges. Howard said he likes that singing though. Artie asked if that guy is over now or still putting stuff out. Robin said she thinks that he has something new coming out. Howard said his live shows are great. He said that he really puts out for the audience.
Howard said he thought that Trent Reznor was going to be huge and that never seemed to go anywhere. He said Trent actually produced Marilyn.
Artie said that he was down in New Orleans and some chicks down there kind of knew Trent Reznor and he was already becoming a bit of a hermit back in 1996 or so. Howard said that he's kind of turned normal now and that's kind of ruined it. Howard said that there were a bunch of strippers who told him that they were his girlfriend.
Howard said that the woman is way too animated and happy from what he's heard from Gary. He said that she doesn't have much of a story other than that she was a friend of his. Gary said that she was commenting on his Facebook account until a month ago. Gary said he's not sure why she's all over TV either. He said the guy is already in jail so there's no reason to warn people about him now.
Gary said that they announced that the Craigslist killer's wedding is postponed at this point. Howard said it makes you wonder if that woman can pick the right guy ever.
Howard said that Sal and Richard used audio clips to call in first and then called in themselves. He talked about some of the stuff they called in about and said that the hosts are almost like a morning zoo. He said that it was worth a listen.
Howard played the call and the first call was Riley Martin audio clips calling in and giving shout outs to a ton of people. After that Sal called in and asked about a vacuum. They helped him find one but they found an e-mail that they wouldn't read on the air. It was something that they had e-mailed in. Then the guys had audio clips of Scott the Engineer call in. They hung up on him too. Then Sal called in with a drum kit for sale. He got hung up when he said he had a rusty trombone to sell. Then they called in with Joe Frazier audio clips.
The call continued with Sal calling in again. The hosts got upset with him again and hung up. Then they took another Scott the Engineer call and then another Joe Frazier call. They kept hanging up. Sal called back and told them to get the authorities on them and take care of that and ten asked the female host if she's ever laid a pussy fart. Richard then called in and asked for some furniture that he was looking for. He rattled off a whole list of things that he wanted. They cut him off early because he was going on too long.
Sal called back in and said he had much of what Richard was looking for. The hosts knew that they were being pranked by more than one person at that point.
Howard wondered how that show became ''Biz-Baz'' from Bizarre Bazaar. Howard said that was Sal and Richard's 5 minute and 32 second opus.
Tony eventually heard the news anchor and didn't seem to be affected by the whole thing. Howard said that Tony seems like a really nice guy on his shows and this is the guy he'd actually watch on TV if he acted like that. Howard said that he didn't get what his complaint was about doing the news program. He was saying that he didn't want to be on right after murder and mayhem stories.
Howard said that this kind of bothers him. He said that Bill O'Reilly went to Boston University and now he's claiming that he went to college with him and hung out with him. Howard said he didn't go to school at the same time. He played a clip of Bill telling Geraldo Rivera that he was in the same class as Howard Stern. Howard said that he just read that Bill got his masters in 1976 and he's 5 years older than him. Howard said he didn't go to school with him. He said that they may have been in school at the same time but he never saw him and didn't know him. Gary said that it actually says on Wikipedia that they went to school together. Howard said he'd like to ask Bill why he feels he has to say that stuff.
Howard said Mary didn't think that her breasts would boost the ratings. Howard said she always downplays herself. He said that if she gets topless people will tune in. He said that anyone who wants to show their titties would get people to tune in. Even that woman from Britain's Got Talent would get people to tune in if she got topless.
Howard said that he thinks Mary just wants him now because she never got the chance to do him when they did the ''Private Parts'' movie together. He said that she probably just wants him to give her the salami. Howard
Howard said that Bubba the Love Sponge was at some big NASCAR event over the weekend. Bubba got to say ''Gentlemen, start your engines.'' Howard said that Ross was watching and Blackberrying everyone about what was going on. He said that he got the note from Ross telling him to tune in. Howard said Bubba was there with his wife and kids.
Howard played the audio of Bubba doing his thing at the event. Bubba didn't say much of anything. He even let the audience finish his line for him after he just said ''Gentlemen...'' Howard said that Bubba did get the people fired up there.
Howard had some Paula Abdul audio clips to play. He first played one clip of Paula talking to someone about how there has never been a ''Paula for Paula'' as she was talking about how she takes care of the contestants on American Idol and how she's never had anyone like that for herself.
Howard played another clip of Paula being asked about her reputation being hurt and what she's doing about that to fix it. Paula said she thinks she's fixing it already. She thinks that she's part of the formula that made that show great too.
Paula was also talking about how she never took medicine to alter her mood even when she injured her neck. The interviewer asked her ''Are you sure?'' Paula talked about how she would be up all night on the road because she was in such pain.
Howard played more of the audio of Paula talking to this interviewer and complaining about the pain she was in when she hurt her neck. She was claiming that the reason she doesn't make sense on the show is because of the pain she's in. Howard said she should quit the show if that's the case.
Howard said that there is a baby side to people that makes them want to be treated by their bosses like they want to be treated by their parents. That's what Paula seems to be saying in that clip. He said that Paula wants them to treat her like she's their kid instead of kicking her off of the show.
Howard said that the noise in the clip was all of Paula's jewelry that she sells. She was wearing all of her inventory in that clip. Howard goofed on her about that for a short time. Howard said it's really gaudy stuff.
Paula was claiming that she has never been on any medication like Oxycontin or anything like that. She went on and on about that.
The reporter said that Paula's life changed when she did her reality show. They played a clip from that reality show and asked Paula if that was a mistake to do the show. Paula said that it all changed when she did that show. Howard said that this is like some guy writing an autobiography and then claiming that he was misquoted. Howard said that Paula had to have done the stuff they showed on her show. She was claiming that it was the way they edited the show that made her look bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that every dancer claims that they have neck injuries. Howard said that he wished he had seen that Nightline show with Paula on it. He said he thought they just did boring interviews on that show but this sounded good. He said he could listen to that stuff all day long.
Howard played a clip from ''Family Guy'' where they had a Baba Booey reference. Howard said that was a nice mention in a big show like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get why Paula Abdul would complain about not being able to sleep for one day while there are doctors out there doing shifts where they don't sleep for 24 hours. He said that she can't even put a sentence together. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said that a lot of people liked Ross the Intern on the show last week. He read some email he got about him. Some people thought they were talking to a woman on the show at the time because his voice was so effeminate.
Howard said that some people liked Ross but others thought that the show had gotten ''too gay.'' Howard read through a few of those emails.
Howard read an email from someone who asked if Robin and Dr. Roni are having a lesbian affair. Robin said that's absolutely true. She was joking of course.
Howard said that the fans liked the ''Huuuuuge'' Paris Hilton clip they played last week. He read some of that and then some email about Blue Iris. Some of the fans said they're really going to miss her. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Seth MacFarlane. Howard said that so many people wanted him on the show. Seth said he felt so beloved. He told Howard that he's the god though. Howard said that Robin told him that they had made an Eritrea reference in an episode of ''American Dad.'' Robin was the one who mentioned that country on the show and Seth said that he hadn't heard of it until he heard it on the show. Howard played that clip.
Howard said that he read that Seth was late for a flight that he was supposed to take on 9/11 and it was one of the flights that was crashed. Seth said that he had gotten drunk the night before and missed his flight that day. Howard said that would haunt him for the rest of his life if that had happened to him. Seth said that he's missed other flights for the same reason and he's not much of a ''fate'' person so he just goes with it.
Howard said that he would never miss a flight. Seth said that he's late for everything. Howard asked Seth if he was supposed to be a passenger or a terrorist. Seth said he was supposed to be a passenger.
Howard said he was reading about the amount of money he's making doing these cartoons and he's thinking he should have gotten into cartoons. He read that Seth must be getting a good chunk of the money that they make on Family Guy merchandise. Seth said that he did make a good deal on that stuff and he gets a good chunk.
Howard asked Seth if he was kind of geeky as he was growing up. He said that he was a little bit. Robin asked if he was like Stewie on Family Guy. Seth said ''very much so'' in his Stewie voice.
Howard asked about when Seth got serious with women and got laid. Seth said he was in his mid-40s. He said he really didn't get it until he was in college. Seth said that he was obsessed with comics and he would draw a lot of stuff from the time he started watching TV. He said he was just okay at drawing when he was a kid.
Howard said he had a character that he used to draw called Pug but it was actually horrible. He said that he drew it and his Aunt Sally was the only one who would look at it. He said no one else cared about it.
Howard asked Seth how he went from being a kid drawing in a room to making that kind of money. Seth said he had a lot of support from people around him. He said that at one point before he graduated college he had this thing where he might do musical theater if the cartoon didn't work out.
Seth said he did a rough early version of Family Guy in college and he knows how to animate. He said that he still has to draw some stuff for the show now but not the animation. He said that they have 16-17 writers that he sits in with and he's still very involved with the show.
Howard asked what it costs to make a cartoon like that. Seth said it can be 2 million an episode for that and the Simpsons. He said that American Dad is more like a million.
Howard said he was going to do a cartoon called ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' and he didn't like the way they were going to do it in Flash. He said that they wanted to do that and he refused so he put an end to it. Howard said that the Flash animation just didn't work. Seth told him that was good for him to back out and not do that. He said that some people like the Flash but he feels that it's cold.
Howard said that his fans weren't going to laugh at that Flash animation. Howard said he took himself right off TV with that attitude.
Howard asked Seth how he convinced someone to take him and put his cartoon on the air. Seth said he was working for Hanna Barbera at the time as an artist. He said that they wanted him as a writer instead though. Seth said he did Larry and Steve and Johnny Bravo while he was there. He said it was a good place to learn but it also held him back.
Howard asked Seth how he got that job. He said they had seen his student film. They asked him to come out and do some work for them.
Seth said that he had written a pilot script for FOX and they picked up on that a while after they had picked up King of the Hill. He said that they made the pilot for $50,000 and had him do that. Seth said he spent 6 months at home animating this thing. He said that Hanna Barbera didn't get a piece of Family Guy either. He said they optioned out for some reason.
Seth said that no one was watching Family Guy for the first couple of years. They kept it on for 3 years and some of the people there liked the show so they kept it around. He said it was like a pet project of theirs. Seth said that when he pitched the show he didn't know that he was supposed to do pitch it to a studio and then to a network. He went right to the network instead. They kept it on for 3 years and then took it off the air.
Seth said that he wasn't too upset about it being taken off the air. He said that he was still under contract for another year and a half so he wasn't too worried. Seth said that he wrote another pilot for them that didn't go anywhere. Then his contract was supposed to be up and then they picked up the show again so he had all the leverage in the world because they had to renegotiate. He said that Family Guy did great with the DVD sales and the replays on Adult Swim were beating Leno and Letterman so FOX became interested again.
Artie said that Seth does all of the voices too so that's another great thing about that show. Howard said that you have to be pretty prolific to keep writing a show like that. Seth said he has a great staff and that's what it's all about, picking the right people. He said that it's not all falling on him. Seth said that he can't do anything about it when the show has to end.
Howard asked Seth how he works in the whole Family Guy thing when he's trying to pick up women. Seth said that there's really no gentile way to do that. He said that he could just drop his black card and ask someone to pick it up.
Howard said he thought that Seth had banged Paris Hilton. Seth said that's not true. He said that's actually the first time he's ever heard that. Howard said he was banging Eliza Dushku and that's awesome. Howard told him that's a nice score. Seth said that he's very good friends with her and he's saying nothing about that because he's very discrete.
Howard asked how you work that in and tell someone that you're the creator. Seth said that a friend of his set them up so he didn't have to work it in. Howard asked if he does the Family Guy voices. Seth said that if you're desperate then you can do that.
Artie said that Seth will go out and do lectures at comedy festivals and that's one way to get your face out there. He said that he does a commercial where he does the voices and stuff. He thought it was an Am-ex commercial but it was actually the Hulu commercial he was talking about. Gary said that it was the Hulu commercial and it shows who he is and what he does so that's a great way to get his face out.
Seth said that he doesn't have an intense desire to not be able to walk around in public. He said that it's like a weapon you can deploy as needed.
Howard said he had Eliza Dushku in there and she's very beautiful. He asked Seth if he's going to settle down or just keep banging. Seth said that he's always looking for happiness so he may settle down some day. Seth said that Eliza is very smart and he thinks that she's great. Howard asked if her mother is a pain in the ass or something. Seth joked that she was the major problem.
Howard asked Seth if he's had FCC complaints. Seth said that they have gotten some complaints and they do monitor them pretty closely. He said they had the send the FCC the FCC episode that they did. He said that hey asked to see the episode that they had done about them and that was kind of disturbing. He said that he thinks that they actually found that episode funny.
Seth said that he finds it insane that they're going after these TV shows for the stuff they're going after them for. He said that Congress asked to see an episode of ''That 70s Show'' to make sure that a masturbation scene was okay for the public to see.
Howard asked Seth about all of the voices he does on the show and if he was okay with that. Seth said that they actually had William H. Macy doing the voice of Brian the dog and he ended up doing it himself instead. Howard said that he was thinking that he could do all of the voices for his carton too. He said that he was going to audition people for that but he's thinking he could have done his mother's voice himself.
Howard asked if Meg Griffin in Family Guy is based on DJ Meg Griffin. Seth said that's one of those misinformation things out there. Seth said that he may have met that Meg Griffin once but this is one of those things that's just not true. He said that he hopes that the real Meg isn't like the character on the show.
Howard read that Seth was sued by Carol Burnett for putting her likeness in the cartoon. Seth said she may have been upset because she was mopping up cum in the scene. Howard asked how you get away with that stuff on a TV show.
Howard said that Seth has this whole thing going on. He said that the guys who do South Park hate Seth for some reason. He asked why they would hate him. Seth said that he met Trey for 5 minutes one time and he's not sure why they dislike him. Seth said it's a very cordial thing between them like when Hitler and Churchill would meet.
Howard asked Seth why he doesn't ask them why they have a problem with him. Seth said he doesn't think they like the way they do the show with the cutaways. They don't see that as a legitimate form of comedy. Seth said that they don't think that it's right. Seth said that they think it detracts from the story but he's not sure why they would care so much.
Seth said that they did a two parter all about them and it was actually funny. Seth said that they were really venomous toward the whole staff and he didn't like that. He said it's fine to come after him but not the whole staff.
Seth said that those cutaway shots are harder to write than other stuff is. He said that you have to have a quick scene and a pay off in a really short clip and they're not that easy to write.
Howard said that Sam Kinison was that way with Dice Clay back in the day and he never understood that. Howard said that he heard that the Simpsons guys don't like them either. Seth said that's more of a fun thing between them. They don't actually dislike each other, they take turns giving shots at one another.
Howard asked Seth who is more successful, the guys that do South Park or him. Seth said he thinks that he does but he's really not sure what they make. Howard told him to be really honest and asked if he's secretly happy when they do poorly. Seth said that maybe he will be but they're still getting big ratings and stuff.
Howard told Seth how worshiped he is by guys like Richard Christy who was willing to take a load on his back just to get him on the show. Seth said that might be the biggest compliment he's ever had.
Howard said he heard that Tina Fey didn't like Seth too because she made a comment about him on her show ''30 Rock.'' Seth said that she seems like a very nice person and he thinks that she was just taking a shot at him because they took a shot at her on Family Guy.
Howard read through the list of women that Seth has had and asked him about Eliza again. Howard read that he also dated this chick Amanda Green who was in ''Twilight.'' Seth said he still hasn't seen that movie. Seth said he didn't want to say anything about the women that he dates. He guesses that he signed up for what he's getting by agreeing to come on the show. Howard said he'd be standing on a mountaintop yelling about who he had banged.
Gary came in and said that Richard was out in the hall pacing around and saying that he thinks he should be able to come in. Howard said that he thinks that there was a moment there where Sal wanted to get Seth's number years ago.
Sal came in and said that he wanted to get in contact with him to return something to him back then. Sal said that he didn't remember what it was that he wanted to pitch to Seth back then. He said that he just wanted the opportunity to voice something on the show some day. Sal said that he knew that Seth was a fan of the show so he was just asking for a chance to voice something some day.
Sal said that he just took a nice dump out there so if Richard was willing to take a breath of his asshole then he can come in.
Howard told Seth not to touch Richard because he might have MRSA. Richard came in and said that he had his Family Guy Boxers on this morning. Seth said he had a pair of those himself. Richard said he would have taken the load on his back too. Seth said that Carol Burnett could mop it up.
Artie said that Seth does an awesome live show too. Seth said they do this dark, musical variety thing a couple of times a year. He and Alex Borstein do that show together.
Richard said his favorite moment on the show was when he did the whole John Candy monolog from ''Planes, Trains and Automobiles.''
Howard took a call from Riley Martin who said that he's a big fan of his show and he doesn't ever miss the show. Riley said that he thinks that he's very talented. Riley went on to say that he's pretty good at voices and he's available for the show. Seth said that he has no idea what he looks like but he may use him as a lawyer defending cattle theft or something.
Howard said that people think that Seth needs help with the show or something. Riley said that's not what he thinks. Howard let Riley go a short time later.
Howard gave Seth some plugs for his shows ''Family Guy'' and ''American Dad'' and the new show ''The Cleveland Show'' which is a spin off of ''Family Guy.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Seth how old that chick is from Twilight. Seth said she's 23 and he's 35. Howard said that's not so out of line for a Hollywood relationship.
The caller asked if Seth is doing that Mila Kunis from the show. Seth said that he doesn't do co-workers. Another caller asked Seth to recreate a scene from the show where Stewie's voice keeps going higher and higher. Seth did the scene for the caller. Howard got a laugh out of that even though he didn't have a clue what he was doing.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he loves the show but his phone connection was awful so Howard had to bail out on his call.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told him that he needs a drunk on the show. Howard asked Seth if he could do a voice too. Artie said that Seth just hired him to do his voice so Jeff is getting nothing again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to make a point about the guys from South Park. He was going to say something but cut himself off and said ''never mind.''
Howard said that Seth is doing just fine and it sounds fantastic. He said that maybe when the Cleveland Show is a hit and he gets his residuals from all of these shows, he'll be able to retire. Seth said that he'll probably keep doing this stuff into his 90s.
Howard asked Seth if he's still looking for chicks. Seth said that he still looks around. He said the youngest he dated was a 19 year old about 5 years ago. He said that the oldest he's dated was 33.
Ralph called in and asked what happened to the cum thing with Richard. Howard said that a lot of people wanted to hear Seth on and he got creeped out with the whole load thing so he didn't go there. Ralph sounded bummed about that. Howard said that Ralph's favorite part of the show is when a guy cums on another guy.
Another caller asked Seth about the cock and balls on all of the character's chins. Seth said it was just something he enjoys. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later after giving him some more plugs and trying to hook him up with Robin. Howard told Robin that he had finally found a guy for her to try and get. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that the old station they used to work for, K-Rock, is so lame. He was reading about their commercial free format and how they're not getting any ratings at all. He said that they're saying in this article that they may have taken some ratings away from Z-100 but they didn't shoot up the ratings. He said that they should have a 10 share the first month with commercial free music. Howard said that with all of the commercials and crap they have on radio now you'd think that people would want to tune in and hear that station. He said that they can't beat Z-100 without commercials so how are they going to do it with commercials?
Artie said that what they're putting on must be worse than commercials. Howard said that CBS-FM is back to doing oldies. Howard said that he doesn't want to say whose idea that was but some day he'll reveal where he is now.
Howard said that they shouldn't even have to tell anyone what they're doing over there. He said that when you have commercial free music people should be tuning in.
Howard said that they even have Ryan Seacrest on that station now. He said he didn't know that he was on mid days now so he may have to tune in and check that out.
Howard said that going commercial free should be guaranteed ratings on a terrestrial radio station. He said that people would rather listen to commercials than listen to K-Rock. That's amazing to him. He said maybe that will change but it should have changed already. He suggested that they try going to an all commercial format.
Gary asked Robin when she last dated someone her age or older. Robin said she never did. Howard told her that she's always been a cougar then.
Bobby asked Robin if she could put her dates in penis size order. She mentioned Michael Swan, Penn Jillette, Jim Florentine, Martina Navratilova... Howard said that Robin isn't going to rate them so he let him go.
Another caller asked Howard why Robin has to be right behind him with questions when they have guests in. He said that she doesn't let anyone answer. He didn't let her answer that question. The guy asked Artie when he's going to get back on the horse. Artie had a mouth full of food so it was hard for him to answer.
The guys brought up Jay Leno since he had been in the news over the weekend. Howard said that Jay Leno admitted himself into the hospital last week on Friday. Howard said that the guy never takes time off. It turns out Jay doesn't have a regular doctor and doesn't get check ups. Howard said that's such bullshit.
Howard said that he thinks that it's all a bunch of crap. Artie said that the timing is weird too because his show is ending soon so maybe it's psychological.
The caller was also asking about Blue Iris and if it was true what they were saying about the husband keeping her alive. Howard said that they're not sure that's the case but it were him, he'd keep his wife alive as long as possible. He said as long as she is alive, she might as well earn. Howard said that if they can keep her on life support for the next 10 years then maybe the guy can pay some bills. The caller said that she has to be older than 62 to get Social Security. Howard said he thinks that she was on disability.
Artie said he was feeling kind of guilty about cutting him a check to get out but he thinks that Janks is just going to keep doing what he was doing. Steve said that they have some issues in New Jersey as well as in Pennsylvania.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about what Leno had done one time where he took someone else's story and used it as his own. Vinnie was mumbling into his phone since he was on the bus on his way into work. He had to get off the phone a short time later because people were giving him dirty looks.
Howard said that he doesn't get why you can't talk on a phone on the bus. He said that people shit and piss on the seats on the buss and they're giving him a hard time.
Gary came in and said that things are out of control. He said that most people talk at full volume when they're on the phone. He said that's what they do on the train. Gary said that he knows a guy who has a box with a button on it that blocks cell phone calls within 30 feet. He said that he'll hit that button the train and cut off everyone's calls.
Gary said that the guy would do that in a restaurant and cut people's cell's off. Howard said he wants one but he knows he'd be the one who gets caught with it.
Steve said that they have a story about Gary going to Adelphi University to do the speech last week. Howard said he forgot about that. Gary said it wasn't a speech, they just answered questions that the audience asked.
Steve said that he asked Peter Princepato about being dismissed by Artie but he refused to talk about it. He just said he loves Artie and wishes him luck.
Steve said that an iPhone app based on Jackie the Joke Man's jokes was rejected because of the graphic nature of the jokes. They're supposed to be resubmitting it with less dirty jokes. Howard said that Jackie is coming in tomorrow so they can ask him about that when he comes in. Howard did his impression of Jackie for a few seconds after that.
Howard said he found a cool app on his Blackberry that lets him look at hot chicks. Howard went through his apps on the phone and mentioned that he had Facebook on there but claims that he hasn't used it in months. Howard said he's really into the Google maps thing. He said that he could find out where he is right now and looked it up in his phone while he had it out. It wasn't working very well though because it had him listed in the wrong location.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of stuff for today's show and mentioned all of the people asking Seth MacFarlane for jobs doing voices. Howard said that the show must not be very professional if they think that they can get jobs doing voices on there.
Benjy mentioned the death of some chick he knew who was murdered. Richard came in and gave the death of a dog of one of his friends. Robin said that they were making fun of something here and it wasn't right. Robin talked about how great this guy was and how touching the funeral was. Robin said that she's going to miss Don. Howard said that Sal was going to come in and read the obituaries now. Robin said that Howard made a big deal out of Dr. Lou's dad dying one time.
Robin read a story about a NASCAR crash at Talladega that caused injuries to some people in the crowd. Robin said that some of the pieces from the car flew into the audience and one person got a broken jaw from the crash. Howard said that stuff is crazy and the people just watch and wait for crashes.
Robin read about the number of home runs that have been hit in the new Yankee stadium. They've had 26 this season so far already. They're trying to figure out what to do about the large number of homers to cut them down. The guys spent a short time talking about that.
Robin read a story about Miss California who was against gay marriage when she answered a question in the Miss USA pageant. Howard didn't understand why they were giving her so much crap for that when there are people in congress with the same views.
A caller asked if Gary had Seth MacFarlane in the back doing unfunny IDs in the back like he did with Mike Judge. Howard said that Seth was gone already. Howard and Artie talked about what went down back then and how funny it was goofing on Gary about that. Howard said that Mike hasn't been back since. Gary said that's because they've said no to him the past 10 times.
The caller was still on the line said he had a serious question so Howard told him to get it out. The guy mumbled too long so Howard cut him off and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about some kids who went to Mexico on vacation and came back with the Swine Flu. Robin said that the kids were from a Queens high school. Fred threw in some Henry Hill and Blue Iris coughing clips while they were talking about that.
Robin read about what they suggest people do to keep them from spreading this Swine Flu. Robin said that the cases have spread all over the continent from Mexico to Canada. Robin said that it is interesting how these things spread.
Howard said he was watching the lights on his console bouncing up and down as Robin talked. He asked her to talk some more. They had it on the monitor in the studio. Artie said that he was all self conscious watching it now. Howard said his booming voice was pinning the lights in the red.
Robin read about some pirate ships that had a showdown near Somalia. The ship that was being attacked were kept off with water hoses.
Howard said that you expect to see these pirates like Johnny Depp but then you see that they're like 12 year old kids as pirates. He said it's kind of sad.
Robin read about the Craigslist Killer and how he's on suicide watch right now. Howard wondered if any other chicks could be into that guy other than the one who was engaged to him. Robin read some details about the woman who was engaged to him. She read that they were supposed to get married this August. The woman is saying that he can't be the killer and he's beautiful inside and out.
Robin said that President Obama has a 69 percent approval rating as the first 100 days of his time in office are coming to a close.
Robin read about a Brooke Aster's son who stole money from his mother's estate. Howard said he doesn't even read those stories. He said that you would think that the mother would give her son some money and he's just taking it instead of waiting for it to be given to him.
Robin read that Bea Arthur succumbed to cancer over the weekend. Robin had some audio of the Golden Girls theme song. Howard asked if anyone knew who wrote that song. Fred knew it was Andrew Gold. Howard said he used to play that song when he was at WRNW. Howard didn't know that was their theme song on Golden Girls.
Robin read a story about the movie ''Obsessed'' which was number one at the box office this weekend. Robin said that they held it back from critics so it didn't look good but they did go to number 1. Robin had some audio of Beyonce talking about her role in the movie.
Robin said that she heard that the movie ''The Soloist'' was so bad that this guy who saw it was falling asleep during the movie. That guy went in and saw ''Obsessed'' and told her it was actually very good.
Robin read that Rihanna is back to making new music. She had some audio of her talking about the music business. Robin also read about Chris Brown being back in court today.
Robin played some Bob Dylan music and that led to Howard talking about how he heard that Bob Dylan thought that Neil Young was ripping him off when he wrote one of his songs. Howard said he doesn't get that.
Robin had some audio of a rap song that this new rapper has out. She had some audio of Eminem talking about how he's not under pressure to be successful at this point in his career. He's just doing what he wants to do.
Robin had some audio of John Mayer singing and then said that he's been seen out dating a 23 year old cocktail waitress. Mayer broke up with Jennifer Aniston not too long ago.
Howard said he watched Marley and Me this weekend and Owen Wilson was really good in it. He said that Jennifer bothered him for a little while but then he got over it and it was fine. He said that he did end up crying at the end of the movie. He said that you're going to cry at the end no matter what because you see a dog being put to sleep. He said he didn't think that he was giving up a surprise ending there. Artie said he hadn't seen it yet. Howard said that the book was 50 billion times better than the movie. He said he really liked the book.
Robin read about a guy who has been stalking Tyra Banks and how she's going to court to get the guy to stop.
Robin had a story about Chrysler making a deal with the unions to keep them out of bankruptcy court for now. She said that they may be seeing brands like Pontiac going away now though. GM may be dropping that line of vehicles. Howard said that he wouldn't miss that line.
Howard said he doesn't understand why they would make a car run on dirt instead of gasoline. He said that they'd have an endless supply. Then he suggested that they make a car run on human shit instead. That might be better.
Robin read a story about Matthew McConaughey's new movie and had some audio of him rambling about nonsense. McConaughey was going on and on about his co-stars and how great they were to work with.
Robin had some audio of Hugh Jackman talking about his new movie. Gary came in and said that there's a good chance that Hugh Jackman will be in before the end of the week. Howard said that he wants to talk to him about Wolverine so he should bring in those claws of his. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about the character and comic books. Steve Brandano came in to fill the guys in with details about the character Wolverine and where he got his claws and powers from.
Robin read some news about tonight's season finale of ''Heroes.'' They're saying that it might be one of the most shocking season finale's for the show. They wrapped up the news and the show around 10:50am.
Jon also brought up the Richard Christy thing that happened this morning. Gary said that Richard told him that he was faking it right after he was in the studio. Gary said he had to clean up the mess and let Howard know what had gone on. He said that he had to think it through and figure out how to do it. Gary said that he had to tell Richard how to do it and how to break the news to Howard. He could have done it off the air but he figured it would be best to do it on the air.
Jon said that Howard doesn't like having people pull pranks on him on the air. Gary said that they did something with Robin on April Fool's day one year and he was fine with that. There were other moments that he hasn't liked.
They played a clip of Richard breaking the news to Howard on the show this morning. Richard was in so Jon asked him if he thought Howard was pissed. Richard said he thought that he was pranking just about everyone else and not just Howard.
Richard said that he didn't even tell Sal that he had faked it. He said he wanted everyone to be freaked out by it. He didn't want to let anyone in on the prank and just wanted to let them see the weird special effect that he had done.
Jon asked Richard if anyone was freaked out by it. Richard said that Howard was freaked out by it but Will wasn't. He said that Will and everyone said that it was really nothing when he took the make up off.
Richard said that the thing is almost gone already. He said that he's freaked out by the whole Swine Flu thing too. That led to the guys talking about the Swine Flu thing and how it's spreading all over the place.
A caller said that Richard is retarded for pulling the prank. He said that he should know that Howard hates that stuff. Gary said that Richard didn't bring it up when he went in there and he couldn't have stopped it either.
Richard told the caller that he was pranking everyone there and not just Howard. He said that he wasn't sure if he should say it while he was in there or just keep it going so the Howard TV guys could film it. He said he kind of liked having his make up effects on his arm because it looked so cool. Richard said that he's just doing his job by performing there.
A caller said that he thought that he should have someone come in and lick it and that would have been a better prank. Gary said he might has well have had Sal come in and lick it. He said since he was doing the whole thing anyway he should have done it. Richard said Howard would have told him to get out of there with that if he had done it.
Another caller said that Howard didn't seem to be that upset about it today. Richard said that he loved when Howard screamed at Ronnie and Scott that day they pulled the prank on him. He said that's one of his favorite moments on the show but he wasn't looking for Howard to do the same to him.
Gary talked about the clip that was screwed up this morning and how Howard got upset with him. He said that Scott told Howard what was wrong with it during a break and Howard was okay with it and didn't give him as hard a time as they expected.
Another caller asked Gary if he gets uncomfortable on camera when he's getting yelled at. Gary said he's one of the most uncomfortable on camera other than Benjy. He said that Benjy is even more uncomfortable when he's getting yelled at because his mouth moves like he wants to say something and it just won't come out.
A woman called in and said that Richard should have had something rigged to move in his arm since he was going to get into trouble anyway. Richard said he didn't want to get too crazy.
Richard talked about how he didn't have a plan on how to tell everyone about the stunt. He said that he was hoping that people would freak out on the air and then he'd tell them. He said that his plan changed when Howard told him to leave and go to the hospital.
Gary said that the publicist from FOX was there when Richard came in and asked if he could get Seth to sign his boxer shorts. He said that the FOX guy thought that was all a goof but now he knows it's for real with Richard.
Richard said he loves Family guy and he watched a bunch of episodes yesterday. Richard said it was very cool to meet Seth on the air but he didn't get to talk to him off the air. He said it was cool and awesome. He said that the fans must have freaked when they hear him doing his voices. He said that it's awesome to watch someone doing voices like that.
Jon played a clip of Richard meeting Seth on the show today. Jon then asked Richard what he wanted to talk to Seth about. Richard said he just wanted to tell him how great he thought he was and how much he's entertained him for the past 10 years. Richard said he wouldn't even know what to say.
Richard talked about some of the cool stuff he's seen on Family Guy and how he jumped up and cheered when he saw that one scene from ''Trains Planes and Automobiles'' in Family Guy.
Gary said that a publicist came in and asked him to wipe down the headphones for Seth today. Gary said he had to get his own set of headphones so he wouldn't have to do stuff like that. Richard said they have a special set that they use for Wack Packers that come in.
Gary and Richard talked about some of the stuff that they talked to Seth about on the show today and some of the stuff they missed. Richard said that he's done some voices for some shows. Riley Martin did a voice for a cartoon too.
A caller talked about how Riley called in and asked for a part and how Seth responded to him by saying that he'd give him a part for something they'd probably never do. Gary had no idea what the guy was saying. The caller also liked some of the other discussions they had with Seth about the ball chins and stuff.
A caller asked the guys if they're really that afraid of Howard that they can't pull a prank on the guy. Gary said that it doesn't matter what the caller says, it's all up to Howard.
The guys were talking about the prank that Scott and Ronnie pulled on Steve Langford when they played his news theme and made him run into Howard's studio thinking that he was supposed to be on the air. That's the one that got them yelled at. There was also a stunt where Scott went in and adjusted something on Howard's board during the middle of the show.
Richard said that he compares Ralph to Star Wars. You always need a bad guy in the movies and Ralph would be the Darth Vader of the movie. Gary asked the guy if he ever finds Ralph interesting on the show at all. The caller said that he could find something about him but at the end of the day he doesn't do anything to provide value to the show. Gary said he does pisss people off so he's providing that.
Ralph called in and asked what this guy's point was. The caller said that he brings nothing to the show and he's a pathological liar so he wonders why he's on the show. Ralph said that the caller actually loves him and he doesn't realize it. Ralph asked the guy what he does for a living. The caller said he's probably made more money in a year than he's made in the past 6 years. Ralph said that if he compared his hourly rate to what he makes, he'd probably blow the caller away. Ralph said that the guy probably has no friends and probably doesn't have anyone who likes him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk more about Seth MacFarlane. Jon brought up how Howard wasn't all that interested in having the guy on the show. Gary said that it wasn't that he didn't want to have him on, he just doesn't watch the show so he didn't know it very well.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the girls that Seth was rumored to have been with. One of the names was Amanda Bines and both Jon and Gary knew her from shows she was on that their kids watched. Gary said that he's surprised that Seth didn't nail that Mila Kunis chick. He said that he's much more of a man than Macauley Culkin is.
Jason came in and talked about how he got to meet Seth today. He said that Richard isn't the only guy there who likes the show. They talked about the commercial that he does for Hulu.
Richard was saying that he's a bigger fan than Jason and he was trying to prove it by asking Jason questions about last night's Family Guy. Jason hadn't seen it yet but Richard stayed up to watch.
A caller said that Richard is always talking about what a fan he is of these things that are so narrow. He asked Richard why that is. Richard said that he's a fan of a lot of stuff. He said that he guesses he's a dope but that's the way he is.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about Richard freaking people out with his disgusting habits there. Richard said he understands why people would be freaked out by that stuff.
Gary said that he saw Richard coming out of the bathroom today when he was going in and he didn't touch the door knob because Richard had just been in there. He said he never thought he would do something like that but he did it when he saw Richard coming out.
Another caller was saying that Seth's career kind of parallels Howard's career with some of the stuff he's had to deal with. They talked about the FCC thing and what he had to go through with that. Gary said that they haven't had it quite as bad as Howard did.
Ralph called in and said that the point is with Richard... He said that Richard's opinion on who his favorite is doesn't matter because he's so easily impressed. He said that he's retarded and impressed with anything. They talked about some of the other crazy stuff that Richard is into and how he puts up Halloween lights and stuff at Halloween time.
They talked to Richard about living in the storage locker he was living in and how he actually brought a girl back there once. He said that she was kind of freaked out by that.
Jason said that Richard once went out and sat outside to watch the reflection of lightning on a lake. He said that's the kind of stuff he's impressed by. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show by taking a phone call. The caller did his Paris Hilton ''Huuuuuge'' clip impression. Howard said that's his new catch phrase. Howard thought Robin was getting sick when he saw her wiping her nose. She said she gets a runny nose after she puts on make up.
The caller asked Howard about the Richard Christy incident yesterday and if he thinks that he overreacted to what happened. Howard said that the audience seemed to think he had overreacted but he knows what's best for the show and he can't just let people there take over the show like that. He said if he did, you wouldn't believe what you'd hear on the air all the time. He said that it wouldn't be the Howard Stern Show if he did let them take over.
Howard said that Richard even thought that the bit wasn't that funny but he went ahead and did it anyway. Howard said that he deals with reality there and he's not looking for someone to fake an injury like that. He said it's fine if other shows try to prank him but he didn't need Richard doing that. Howard said that Richard is funny but he has to be watched and monitored ahead of time.
Benjy came in late so Howard went off on him. He said that they've been over that before and he still comes in late. Howard said that he's really pushing him and he doesn't want to be the one who has to fire him. He said that everyone is testing him and pushing him all day long.
Howard said Richard does some funny stuff but he also does unfunny stuff. He said that he doesn't want Richard taking over the show. He said if they want him to do a show, they'll go to him and offer him one.
Howard said Richard took 10 minutes of the show time that he shouldn't have taken. He said he can't allow that to go on there. He said that they'll lose a lot of they let someone like that take over. Howard said he could do that and he could take naps on the show. He said he's jealous of Artie because that's what he can do.
Howard told Benjy to be there on time and not distract him. This is the second day in a row that he's late. He saw him come in late yesterday and he didn't say anything. Now he came in late a second day.
Howard said that he doesn't want to be pushed like that. He said he showed up at 6:38 yesterday and he's tired of that. He asked Benjy why he doesn't just fuck him. He told him to go ahead and say it to him because that's what he's feeling inside. Benjy said that's not what happened.
Howard asked Benjy to find another job and stop fucking him. He said his asshole hurts from him sticking his cock in his ass. Howard said that he doesn't even ask Benjy to stick around and do work after the show. Howard said that he should be sticking around and working with Sal and Richard but he just leaves. Howard said he believes in Benjy but he just fucks him over.
Robin said that Benjy has his own problems and she refuses to spend any time with him. She thinks that he has this baby thing going on. He gets attention for stuff like this and that might be why he does it. Howard asked Benjy why he needs more attention. Benjy said he doesn't think that's what the problem is.
Howard said that Benjy is out there banging chicks on Craigslist and he's going to end up chopped up in a bag if he keeps that up. Howard said there's no way he's getting models like he claims. Benjy said that he does get the model types.
Benjy said he didn't know what happened yesterday why he was late. He said he had an answer but he didn't know why. Benjy said he has two alarms and a phone and nothing woke him up yesterday. He said he switched his schedule around to get to sleep at 8 or 9 at night. He said that yesterday he doesn't know what happened.
Benjy said that he was listening to music in the bathroom... Howard cut him off and told him he didn't want to hear the rest. He told Benjy to get there 5 minutes early. Benjy said that's what his plan was today. Howard said he wants him there to hear what's going to be happening before the show.
Robin told him to show up at 5:30 instead. Howard said he doesn't think that will happen. He said Benjy hasn't even seen what's in the paper today. Benjy wanted to test him back. Howard told him that he can't be the tester until he's the boss.
Howard said that Benjy is a writer and he hasn't even read the paper this morning. Benjy said he knows what's going on in the world. Howard told Benjy that he would look good when he walked in if he were him. Benjy said he looks good.
Howard said Benjy should come in with jokes in the morning. Benjy said that he'll do that if he wants. Howard said he has to take the initiative and just do stuff like that. Benjy said he would do it if he knew he wanted that.
Howard asked Benjy what good it does him if he doesn't read the paper first thing in the morning. Benjy said that the news that's in the paper today was all over the web and TV yesterday. Benjy knew about some of the stuff that was going on but he didn't have any jokes about that stuff. He did joke that he was crashing into the show like an airplane flying around New York.
Howard said he would be in at 5:30 in the morning if he were Benjy. He said he would do some bits and record some stuff. He said Benjy hasn't been out on the street in a long time. Howard said Benjy showing up 38 minutes late just isn't cool. Now Howard feels guilty for yelling at another human being.
Howard said he just wants Benjy there on time and he can't get that. He said it's the same with that dick head Richard. He said they have a lot of stuff that they don't play on the air that they do that's just not funny. He said even Richard admitted that the bit wasn't that funny yesterday.
Ralph called in and said that it seems that Benjy really doesn't want the job. Howard said he thinks that he's right. He said that Benjy has this anger toward the show because he seems to think that he should have a different job that he hasn't been able to get.
Benjy asked if it's the anger or the fact that he wants attention. He didn't think Howard knew what he was talking about. Howard told Benjy that he should be stuck out in the green room with a penis stuck to his head and a dunce cap on.
Ralph also said that Howard's voice was really low on the phone. Howard said that's probably Scott screwing up again. Scott came in a short time later and said that he doesn't know what's wrong. He said that he can't hear what's going on. Howard said that he had a green button on his board that should have been lit up. Scott said it should have been lit up.
Ralph said that he could hear him better now and something changed. Howard said that they didn't change anything. Someone hit something but no one knew who it was.
Scott was trying to explain what he did yesterday with that clip that didn't sound right but Howard said he was busy with Benjy right now and didn't want to hear it.
Howard said Benjy could have a big carer but he doesn't have the right stuff. He said he has a boss who is a pushover, that's why he's got a big career now. Sal came in a short time later with a ''dickhead'' hat with a penis stuck in it. Howard said Sal is working hard back there. Howard said Benjy now has a big cock sticking out of his head. Howard said that's a great new persona for Benjy. He said he should be the guy with the cock sticking out.
Howard said that Benjy updated his Facebook page 33 minutes ago, right before he came to work. Howard said that Benjy is a lying skunk. He said that he shouldn't be doing that stuff when he's late for work. Benjy said he didn't know he was going to be late. He swore that he didn't know he was going to be late. Benjy thought he had plenty of time.
Howard read Benjy's Facebook update and it was a joke about Chris Brown. Howard said that he's busy writing jokes for his Facebook instead of for the show. Benjy said that the time was probably off on the computer too.
Howard said that he's not sure what to do with that information on Benjy's Facebook page. He asked Benjy about his joke and what he was talking about. He said that he should have been at work at 5:55 instead of updating his page like that.
Howard said he has to get out of this stuff already. He said he feels like a kindergarten teacher around there. He has to put up with these dopes. He said that he feels bad for his kindergarten teacher because now he knows what she had to go through.
Howard said he had to work hard to get to the point where he could hire someone like Benjy to work for him. Now he pisses on him and shows up 38 minutes late. He said he would never go on Facebook when he's supposed to be at work. He doesn't know why someone would do that.
Howard said Benjy seems to be angry toward him and he's not sure what that is. Benjy said that he is kind of jealous of him. Howard said Benjy doesn't even need to be in the studio. He said he could write in the office or something and he'll never know if he's late or not. Howard said he could show up or not show up and he wouldn't know.
Howard said he wants Benjy out in Gary's office writing instead. He said he'd rather have Sal and Richard in there instead of Benjy.
Howard said he's sorry he had to waste a half hour of the show going over this stuff. He said that he went to the psychiatrist yesterday and talked to him about how he's trying to get himself better. He knows he's been lazy about his therapy though and now he's going to make a vow to work harder at it. He said he has to work on his therapy.
Howard said he has to get his mother out of his head too. He said that's going to happen this year. He said he won't hear that voice in his head anymore. Fred played some audio clips of his mom talking while he was talking about that.
The caller was also telling Howard how great Seth MacFarlane was on the show yesterday. He said that he really enjoyed that. The caller said that he wouldn't show up late to work if he were Benjy.
Another caller said that Howard was talking about this flying car thing yesterday. He said that they're actually going to be building one. Robin said she wants a car that packs up in a suitcase. That's what she'd really like. Howard said he wants one that goes in the water too.
Howard said yesterday he was saying that we should have cars that run on dirt. That way you could fill up anywhere.
Howard said he had a million things to talk about and he wasn't sure what they were. He had a whole agenda until the Benjy thing happened. Howard thought about it for a moment and said that this Jay Leno came back on the Tonight Show and joked about his mystery illness. Howard said it was one hackie joke after another on there.
Howard said he was listening to Kevin Eubanks on the show while Jay was talking about his hospital visit and he realized that Kevin just says ''Is that right... ha ha ha'' while Jay is joking. Howard said the guy's job is basically to just say ''Yeah, right, right, right...'' Howard said that's what Stuttering John's job is supposed to be and he's not even getting to do that.
Artie said that Branford Marsalis wouldn't ever do that. Howard said that's what John went out there to do and he's just not getting the chance to do it.
Howard played some audio of Jay talking about driving in to work in his Model T and freezing on the way to work. Then he ended up going to the hospital when he found he had a 103 degree fever. As he was telling the story, Kevin was just saying ''Okay... alright...'' and things like that.
Artie said the place that Jay is talking about is about a 10 minute walk from NBC. He said that's the same place he went to when he was out there.
Howard played more of Jay talking about that and Howard said that John is the guy who wishes that he could be the one talking to Jay about that stuff instead of Kevin. Howard said that the weird thing is that there is someone out there who wishes that they could have John's job of holding up his coffee mug.
Howard played more of the Leno clip where he got in a plug for the people at Pepsi and said that they're great people over there. Howard pointed out that Pepsi isn't so great for the kids that are drinking that stuff. Howard said that's a funny line. He and Fred did their Leno impressions and goofed on what he had just said.
Howard said the whole Jay monologue is sickening with that formula they have. He said that they do everything that Letterman does. He said that's why Jay had him on his show, because Letterman had him on.
Howard played more of Jay's speech and called him a douche bag. Howard said that John should write a book about what goes on there. He said he would read it if he could zero in on the jealousy that's going on there. Howard said that they could have a whole line of jealousy that would end with Eric the Midget. Howard said that there has to be someone out there that's jealous of Eric the Midget. He said that maybe Eric isn't the end of the line.
Artie said that Jay has this old car that he was driving to work and he was pictured in that. Fred said it was a 1937 Cord that he was in. Artie said that Jay was driving that to a gig on a Sunday night. He doesn't get why he would do that on a Sunday night. He said it's such an angry person because he can't be seeing his wife very much.
Howard said that most people would get enough attention by doing that one show a night thing. Howard said he gets plenty of attention doing the show he does. He said that Jay is doing an hour long show and preparing for it during the day. Howard said that most people would feel whole after doing that but not Jay.
Artie said that he can't imagine doing that much work when he's making that kind of money. He said that Jay is driving around in a million dollar car and fixing it on the side of the road all by himself. Howard said that Jay is trying to be that ''regular guy'' by doing that stuff. He said that Jay wants attention so bad that he's doing all of this stuff. Howard said Jay is an asshole.
Artie was pointing out that Benjy didn't read the newspaper but Benjy was arguing that he knows the news today. Howard told Artie he didn't want to get caught up in that stuff again. He told them to talk about it off the air.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up the stuff they were talking about with Benjy and Richard. The guy said he thinks that Richard would prank them again if he had the chance.
Another caller said that he has two kids of his own and he thinks that in 10 years Howard is going to be miserable. He said that he doesn't know Beth but she seems like a very loving person. He said that she's going to resent Howard if they don't have kids. Howard said he might be right but if she wants kids she can come to him and let him know. Until that day they're fine. Howard had to cut the guy off because he was dragging out his call. Fred played the Tradio ''Thank you for your call'' audio clip at the end of that.
Howard talked about how he has 3 kids and that's enough for him. He's not looking to have more. He said that Beth loves him and they're doing just fine without kids. He said that right now they don't want any. He said he just can't have more kids.
Bobo called in and said that Bree Olson is a great Howard TV episode. Howard said it's the most watched episode on Howard TV right now. Howard said that Bree was great on the show and she's a natural at that stuff.
Bobo said that he's retiring in 28 days. He said that he works for the USPS and he's going to retire from that and keep a side job. He said that he worked for them and the national safety council. Howard asked if he delivers the mail. Bobo said that he does training for tractor trailer drivers and things like that.
Bobo said that he wanted to know what was going on with that photo op and the air plane yesterday. Howard asked Bobo how he can retire at 56. Bobo said that he has a lot of years in with the USPS so he can do it. Howard said that's what's great in this country. Bobo stuck with that job for years and now he can retire. He turned driving into a career and now he can retire at 56.
Howard pointed out that Bobo didn't even know where a raisin came from and he's still getting to retire at 56. Howard said that Bobo is an educator and he doesn't know a raisin is a grape. He also thought a tadpole turned into a praying mantis. Howard said the guy just had a kid a couple of years ago too so he admires him for living that life.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard the Blue Iris tribute last night. Howard said he missed it but he will listen tonight. The caller said that it was very touching. He said he got misty eyed listening to the special. The guy said that Gary Garver had a lot to say about Blue. Howard said that Gary had worked with her on some internet radio show he did.
Howard said he told Gary to go ahead and put 10 seconds of effort into it. He said that he's not even sure how many people are following them. Gary said it was ''40 grand'' so Howard goofed on him for saying ''grand'' instead of ''thousand.'' Gary told him to just move on.
Howard said he was trying to move on but he was stuck on that. Howard said that they have 40 bushels or 40 bails or 40 sheaves of listeners following them on Twitter. Fred and Robin were both throwing out other stuff as well but Robin threw in a 40 cases that Gary didn't find amusing. He said that just wasn't funny.
Howard said Gary asked him what he wanted to talk about on the Twitter thing because he's not sure who they're talking to with that feed. He said that he's not sure if they're fans of the show who have SIRIUS or people who don't have SIRIUS.
Gary said he's getting a lot of complaints about what he's writing in there. He said that the fans are saying that they're using it all wrong. Gary said that people want them to post stuff like ''Benjy is late'' when Howard isn't even talking about it. Howard said he wants Gary focusing on the radio show and not Twittering.
Gary said that he'll type in ''Robin is doing the news'' and things like that. Howard said that's what he wants him to do. He said that if they want a twitter show then they'll leave the radio show and go do a Twitter show. He said they're talking to millions of people right there. Howard said that he doesn't need to be doing another show on the side like that.
Gary said that Jon Hein has been following some celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Ozzy. He said that Miley posts every move she makes and Ozzy's feed is constant plugs for his album. Howard said that a lot of celebrities hire someone to do the Twitter thing for them.
Howard said that it might be interesting to read about someone you're interested in but the reality is that there's nothing that interesting that they're going to reveal. Howard said that you want to know everything but people are going to be guarded about it.
Howard said that would annoy the crap out of him if he was watching a 16 year old girl writing about eating a burger.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what the fans are looking for is a Gary Dell'Abate Twitter and what they're getting is a Howard Stern Show Twitter. Howard said that there are people who are on Facebook who post about what the weather is like. That's why he can't be on that Facebook. He said the stuff they're posting is just boring stuff. Howard said that Mike Gange is one of those guys who does that stuff. He said he's wasting his time and he doesn't like it.
Gary read some of the Ozzy Twitters and showed how almost every one was a plug for something. Howard read that Barbara Walters was Twittering now. He read some of those posts as well. Howard wondered if she was writing it herself. Gary thinks that she's got someone that she's dictating to.
Howard told Gary to get Gary the Retard or Wendy the Retard to Twitter stuff for the show. He said that they could have Wendy talking about Fred raping her and things like that. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he was wrong about Bob Dylan the other day when he was saying that he had written ''Forever Young'' for Neil Young. Howard played some of Dylan's song and then played Rod Stewart's song that had the same title and similar lyrics. Howard said that Rod had actually shared his royalties with Dylan even though it wasn't the same song. He did it as a preemptive thing just in case Dylan came after him.
Artie thought that Dylan's version was better written than Rod Stewart's was. He said it was deeper than Stewart's.
Howard said he went to a screening of Wolverine yesterday. He said that he loved it. Robin said she was there too but she got there late because she went to the wrong place first. Robin said that she got in a little late.
Howard said he saw Dan the Song Parody Man there at the screening. Howard said that someone, who will remain nameless, had an observation about Dan being there and said that Artie should give up on trying to get his money back if he has time to be there at the screening.
Gary said that Dan was there with a newspaper reading that while he was sitting there. Howard said he was doing a crossword puzzle. Howard said that Dan is also going on the Drambui challenge thing that they asked him to do. Gary said that they had to find someone from the show to go and Dan happened to be in the meeting that day so he's going on that trip.
Artie said that Dan actually gave him $1,000 about 3 months ago so he is paying him back. He now only owes him $6,500. Artie said that he's getting 1000 every year and a half.
Howard said he loved Wolverine even more than Iron Man. He said he's glad he waited to see the movie instead of watching the bootleg copy he got. Howard said Hugh Jackman must be taking steroids to be as ripped as he was in the movie. Howard said that he's in some shape in that movie.
Gary said he doesn't follow those movies very close so he didn't know if it had anything to do with X-Men. Howard said it's related but you don't need to see the X-Men movies.
Robin said she liked the movie but didn't think it was better than Iron Man. Howard said that he likes the X-Men stuff so that might be why he liked it so much.
Robin said that she did learn some stuff watching the movie. She didn't know all of the details about how Wolverine came to be.
Howard played the clip of Wendy talking about what she was doing. They were going to Twitter that during the show. She was cleaning her hamster cage so that's the kind of stuff you'll be seeing.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that Benjy has been writing for an In Touch web page. Howard said he actually likes that.
Lisa said that Gary had half of his kidney stone removed last week when he went in for the ultrasound. Howard said they may have to go back in and blast it again. They could still have to go up his cock to get it out of there according to Howard.
Lisa said that Gary's first blog is up on BabaBooey.com. Howard said that's huge and played another Paris Hilton ''Huuuuuge'' clip.
Lisa said that Artie is going to be a presenter at a film festival this weekend. She said that it's a student film festival and Artie will get a free laptop in his gift bag for showing up. Howard said that won't do him much good.
Howard said that carol has great tits. She said that she wore a ''very boobie'' shirt for him today. That led to Fred playing the Paris Hilton ''Huuuuuge'' clip again.
Howard asked Carol what's up with Jay Leno and how much he's working. Carol said that he's a workaholic. That's what's up with him. She said that she's friendly with Jay and they go out and hang out sometimes.
While they were talking about that Carol said that she's got a girlfriend now. Howard said that Carol is now a lesbian so he asked her if she always knew that she was one. Carol said she really didn't.
Carol said that when she turned 40 she had this obsession about wanting to have a lesbian fling. She said that it never occurred to her to do that until then. Carol said that one of her boyfriends had her in a threesome one time and she didn't even want to do that again.
Howard asked Carol who that boyfriend was. He wondered if it was Paul Reiser. Carol said it wasn't him. She said that it wasn't even a comedian who got her into that. Carol said that the other woman was a waitress in a club they were at.
Howard asked Carol if she was in love with the guy. She said she was. Carol said that the guy really built it up and told her that the girl wanted them as a couple. She said that they just went back to a place and did their thing where there was a lot of sucking and fucking going on.
Carol said that she did that thing and never really thought about doing another threesome. She said that when she turned 40 she had this thing where she wanted to have a lesbian affair and that's when she met this woman, Lori, she's with now. She said that she had really good relationships with guys up until that point. Artie joked that when he turned 40 he had a similar thing happen. He said that he wanted to have an affair with a woman as well.
Howard asked Carol if this woman is a lipstick lesbian type. Carol said that she is actually very Lipstick. Carol said that she also became a golfer. Howard said that's another very lesbian thing to do. Howard was shocked by all of this.
Carol went on to talk about how this woman she met was trying to hook her up with guys. She said that she was thinking like a guy at the time and she went to plan B. She said that she went to her gay friend who was a mutual friend, and he said he would tell the other woman that she had a crush on her. The lesbian didn't want to be an experiment for a straight woman. Carol said that the woman eventually called her and asked her to go hit some golf balls with her. Carol didn't call her back so the woman called her again and asked her to go to another charity event with her.
Carol said they went out drinking that day and then Carol pulled out a line she uses on men and it worked on her. Carol said she wanted her to give it a shot and asked her to just make out. Carol said that no one is going to pass that up because if it sucks, it's over, and if it's great, it's on. Carol said that they made out in the car and it was great.
Carol said that line ''What would it hurt if we just made out'' is the line that did it. Carol said that she knew that she wanted to have hot, lesbo sex though. She said that she wanted that other chick and she thought it would be great.
Howard asked Carol how big her boobs were. She said that they're a natural D. Carol went on to tell Howard about going out to an event with this woman and how she had gotten changed with her. Carol told Howard she had no bra on that night. Howard asked what she looks like. Carol described her and said that she was kind of Jodi Foster like with C-cups.
Carol told Howard about their first date and how they just made out for four hours. Howard asked why there was no strap on or anything. Carol said she didn't even put her hands on boobs for a few weeks. Carol said that the other woman didn't stay over that night either. Carol said that she got in her car in her garage and she said that she would call her back the next day. Then she actually did. She realized that women were trustworthy, unlike the guys she's gone out with.
Carol talked about how great their make out session was and how much she was into her after that. Carol said that she actually borrowed her sneakers and she thought that was kind of odd but not as strange as if a guy asked to borrow them.
Carol said that they can go on for hours touching breasts and caressing each other. Carol said that they just know what to do because they're both women. Howard wanted to know what to do because he would like to treat a woman like she's supposed to be treated. Howard said Beth loves that he just sticks it in her but if she wants him to touch her breasts then he'd do that.
Howard asked Carol about how long it takes to get into the pussy stuff. Carol said it took a couple of weeks. She said it was a slow progression. Howard asked if they had a discussion about what they were going to do. Carol said they drink and stuff so that's how they get into that.
Carol told Howard that Lori had invited her to go to Hawaii with her. She said that they both knew that they were going to have sex. She said that they had this jack-off bellman who took their bags up to the room. She said that the guy was slowing down the progress. He finally left the room and they both took each other not long after that. Carol said that they didn't use any toys or anything. It was just fingers and tongues. Carol said that she had a gazillion orgasms too.
Howard asked if they can refresh quickly after that. Carol said that they can do that. Carol said that she's not really a lingerie person but she did get dressed up for Lori. Howard asked if she puts on high heels for her too. Carol said that she will do that and Lori loves it.
Carol said that they've been together for 13 years now. She said that they have a son now too. They adopted a baby. Howard asked about the kid and found out that he was from Guatemala. Howard said he can't imagine that it would be possible to get a white kid because it's so hard to get one.
Howard asked Carol if her family was shocked. Carol said her parents were amazing about it. She said that she went home and told them about what was going on and they were great about it all. She said she was crying and her father asked her why that was. She thought that they were going to be let down by that news. She said that her father was happy for her and was more upset that she had married this one comedian, not this news.
Carol said that she's very happy now and it's all because of lesbianism. Howard said that he might have to go lesbo.
Carol said that this book she wrote, ''When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror,'' is a great gift for mother's day. She said that Larry David read it and liked it.
Howard said that the character Elaine in ''Seinfeld'' was based on Carol. Carol seems to hate that fact though. Howard said that he doesn't get why she's so uptight about that. Carol didn't seem to want to talk about it.
Howard said that he and Jerry are going to get together out in the Hamptons some day soon. He said he's very awkward around the guy but they do get along just fine. Howard said that he and Jerry talked at the concert they were at. He said that Jerry was funny that night too. He said he didn't know that Jerry practiced Transcendental Meditation and he learned about that. He said Jerry has been doing it almost as long as he has.
Carol said that she should come out and visit Howard too in the Hamptons. Howard said that he could drill a hole in the wall and watch them get it on.
Howard asked Carol why she doesn't use any dildos or anything. Carol said that they're fine the way they are. She said that it's not about the cock. She said that she won't bring a man back into her life. Howard said that Sandra Bernhard brings a guy into her life once in a while. Carol said she doesn't even need a vibrator. She said that the only guys coming into her life are guys fixing the cable or opening a jar for her.
Carol said that she doesn't want to do anything to fuck up the relationship she has now. She's very happy the way she is.
Carol told Robin that she became vegan about a year and a half ago. She thought Robin would like that. Howard said that she's removed meat from her life all together.
Howard asked Carol if she's friends with other lesbians just because it's a cool thing. Carol said it's not like that.
Howard said that Carol's resume is incredible. She was a stand-up comedian and hung out with Seinfeld and Leno when they were making their way up. She was a producer and writer on Seinfeld. Carol said that she saved all of her stand-up money back when she was doing her comedy. She said that she's a good Jew that way. Artie said that he's never met anyone like that who saved their stand-up money.
Carol said that if the audience likes Seinfeld then they'll love her book. Howard gave her a plug for the book and said that she's very funny. He said her book ''When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror'' is in stores now.
Robin asked how old their son is. Carol said that their son is 3 years old now. It was a pretty recent thing for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this was the best story to hear at this time of day. The guy got a couple more details and said he had some business to take care of.
Carol told Robin that she was looking great. Howard gave her an ''Uh oh'' when he heard that. Carol also asked Robin to go out to some vegan restaurant with her. Howard said that some people think that Robin and Dr. Roni are lesbian lovers. Robin said that she admitted they were but she was just joking about that. Carol said she knows that Robin loves the penis.
Howard said that he doesn't get people who lie about their age. They talked about some comedian out there who did it but they weren't naming names. They once caught Stuttering John shaving just 2 years off his age.
Carol said that they have 7 rescue dogs and she put the word out that people should adopt and not shop for pets like that.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked if both of them did a cross adoption so if one of them dies the child remains with them. Carol said that they did everything they needed to do to make sure they're good.
Howard asked Carol if they'd ever get married. Carol said that it really doesn't matter at this point since they've been together for 13 years. She said that there's no point in doing that now.
Howard came back and said that they've been trying to stretch Paris Hilton's 'Huuuuuge'' and they've gotten it out to 2 minutes now. He said that Gary was saying that it wasn't funny though.
Howard played the clips and had the shorter clips and then the 2 minute long stretch. He said that they might be able to stretch it out to four hours. He and Artie were talking about doing that. He said that this clip was actually 2 minutes and 20 seconds long. He played it but it just sounded like noise. Howard said that it can be done.
Howard said that his favorite part was at 1 minute and 11 seconds. He let it go for a few seconds but didn't let it play the full 2 minutes. Artie said that's probably what it sounds like when you're at dinner with Paris. It's just noise.
Howard said that someone did some research on the song ''Old Man'' and found some interesting stuff on Wikipedia. He read through some of that and found out how the song was written. Howard seemed to find that pretty interesting.
Howard said that he saw a clip on YouTube yesterday with Britney Spears in it. She has a giant tampon string hanging out of her outfit.
Howard said that Oprah Winfrey and Mutual of Omaha are arguing about the phrase ''Ah ha moment'' and Oprah has sued them over that moment because she has used it on her show. Now they're suing each other over it. Howard said he didn't know you could sue over something like that. Fred looked it up and the phrase was coined back in 1939 from what he saw.
Howard said that he worked at this radio station called WWWW or ''W4'' and he thinks that they're cursed. He said that he was working there and they went country. Howard said that it was rock before that. He said that they were the first country station there and now there are 3. Howard said that they're the number 3 country station with a 0.3 rating. Howard said that means that they could have no one listening to that station in Detroit. Howard said he's kind of happy about that.
Howard said there was this 8 year old kid who wrote a book about picking up girls. He said he hates that kid but now he's 10 and has written a second book. JD came in and told Howard that he's actually got 2 books out. One is how to talk to moms and one about how to talk to dads. Howard said he wishes that this stuff wasn't going on. He said he hates when kids like this are making tons of money. Robin said it makes them look like slouches.
Howard played some audio of this kid being interviewed about the new books. The kid had nothing important to say according to Robin and Howard. Robin said that Meredith Vierra had to rephrase what the kid was saying because he was so bad at speaking. The kid was telling these interviewers what he found out, at 10, about his parents. Howard said there's no way this kid wrote the book, he had to have a ghost writer.
Howard and the guys were goofing on what the kid was talking about in the clip. Howard said that they really aren't learning anything from the kid. He said that the kid is just writing a book on how to kiss your mother's ass.
JD told Howard that the kid has a couple more projects about how to talk to Santa and how to talk to teachers. Howard said that the kid is making a lot of money. He asked JD if he feels inadequate after hearing that. JD said yes to that.
Howard was picking apart the whole interview and wondered why Matt Lauer was asking the kid if it was okay to ask him a question. He said Matt should have just asked the question. Then Lauer asks the kid how this has changed his life. The kid said it's been amazing and he's donated some money to ''save cancer.'' Howard said that you don't want to save cancer, you want to get rid of it. The kid said that he has inspired kids to write too so that's another great thing.
Jackie got new teeth according to Howard. Jackie said that they're not that new. He's had them for a while. Jackie asked if they wanted him to whip out pictures from 15 years ago to show them what they looked like too. Jackie said that he didn't know what size Robin was going to be when he walked in. He said that sometimes there are 3 of her in there.
Jackie asked if Fred liked him today. Fred said that he's a good man. Jackie said Artie was looking good too. Howard asked Jackie if he dyes his hair. Jackie said he's all natural. He's still got that blonde hair.
Howard said that Jackie doesn't have much to give in a pre-interview. The big news today was that his 516-922-WINE phone line is celebrating an anniversary this year.
Howard said that Jackie tried to get in touch with Artie and Artie never responded to him. Jackie said he wanted to go to lunch with Artie because he heard he was in bad shape. He said he wanted to help him out with the problems he had but Artie didn't get back to him. Jackie said that he's still smoking pot but he did stop drinking.
Howard said that Jackie still gets high, he's just smoking pot instead of drinking. Jackie said that he was drinking too much but he didn't think that he was an alcoholic. Howard said that he saw a book over at his place that was about how to live with an alcoholic. Jackie said that was for his brother who eventually killed himself by drinking.
Howard asked Jackie when he last had a drink. Jackie said it was back in 2001. He said that he doesn't even miss it a little bit now. Jackie said he used to avoid going out to bars and stuff but he couldn't sit home. He said he started going out again and just got a soda. He said that no one really cares if you're drinking or not.
Howard said Jackie was going to tell Artie about how hard it is to stay in shape on that schedule they have. Jackie wanted to know where he got this information. Howard said that Jackie was going to get a hold of Artie and poison him by telling him about the schedule being too hard. He said that it's good that Artie turned him down because he's just going to turn him away from the show.
Howard said that Jackie was the only one who had a problem with the show. He said that he, Fred and Robin are all in good shape and they have to work that schedule. Howard said that Jackie gets a hold of everyone that works for him and poison's them.
Howard said that Jackie is a very jealous guy and he has to keep his distance from him. He said that he wants to go out to eat with him but he's afraid to. Jackie said Howard is so full of shit. Jackie said he knows that he loves him.
Howard asked Jackie if he asked him to bump off Artie, so he could get his job back, would he do it. Jackie was talking over everyone and not letting Howard speak. He eventually got that line out and Jackie said that of course he would knock Artie off. Artie said that he would gladly give Jackie the job if he wanted it. He doesn't have to kill him.
Jackie said that he did want to go out to lunch with Artie. Artie said that he did contact Jackie back too. Howard asked Jackie why he doesn't take a starving kid from Malawi out to lunch instead of Artie. Howard said that Jackie has no reason to get started with Artie. Jackie said he just wanted to. Howard said he doesn't want him poisoning him. Jackie said that he already poisoned Artie. He said he did that this morning.
Howard asked Jackie if he and Nancy have divorced yet. Jackie said that the divorce papers are literally at his house now. He said that there was no pressure to divorce. Jackie is now dating a woman and Howard figured that she didn't want to move in until he was divorced. Jackie said that she's 24 years old but Howard anted to know how old she really was. Jackie said she's actually 41. Jackie is 61.
Howard told Jackie that he's doing it the right way. Jackie said that Howard is doing it the same way. Jackie told Howard that she was living out in San Francisco and now she's lost her job and now she's out there with her cat on a visit. He said that he was safe until she lost her job.
Howard asked if he's going to have a kid. Jackie said that he loves the concept of having a kid but he's not sure about that. He said he did read about D'Amato having a kid at like 1000 years old.
Howard said they used to joke about Jackie being old but now he really is old. Jackie said that he doesn't feel that old. He said that he doesn't masturbate much these days and can't remember the last time he did that.
Jackie said that he misses the people on the show but he doesn't miss getting up so early in the morning. Jackie said he just didn't like the schedule anymore. He said that he was never going to go to sleep at the time he needed to.
Jackie said he tried to get more money on the show but things didn't work out. Howard said that's not the story he knows. He said he has stuff that he's just not going to talk about.
Jackie told a couple of his jokes while Howard was trying to give him some plugs. Jackie also told Howard that he loved working with Howard, Robin and Fred and it was as much fun the last day he was there as it was the first day he was there. Jackie said he was dying working those hours though and he had to get out.
Howard said that he doesn't believe that's the reason Jackie left. Howard said that everyone else is able to stay strong, thin and healthy other than Jackie.
Howard gave Jackie some plugs for some upcoming appearances he's making. He's also going to be doing Jokeland on Broadway. You can find out more at Jokeland.com.
Howard argued with Jackie about actually being on Broadway. Howard said that Jackie isn't going to be on Broadway in a theater. He's doing a show near Broadway. Jackie said that Les Paul works in this club he's going to be at.
Howard heard that Jackie had another business fiasco. Jackie had created an iPhone app and it was rejected. Jackie said that the thing is going to make him rich. He said that the guy made this app called the Pocket God and its sold a ton. He said that they're going to have a Jackie app for the phone and they will have noises from the show and things like that in it. He said that they're not sure why they rejected it. He said that the poop noises may have been too real sounding or something.
Jackie told some more jokes to the guys and had them cracking up with some of that stuff. Howard said that he had Steve Jobs from Apple on the phone. It was actually Sal saying that they were going to release Jackie's app because it's going to help people sleep at night.
Bobo called in and asked if Fred has a problem with Jackie because of his ''head writer'' title. Fred didn't seem to have any problem with Jackie today.
Howard said that they're there to celebrate Jackie today. He gave him some more plugs and said that he'll be at the Iridium Jazz Club in Manhattan for the Jokeland on Broadway thing. You can find all of those plugs at Jokeland.com.
Artie said that he did call Jackie back and Jackie never called him back. Jackie said that's not true, Artie told him that he was busy and didn't have time. Artie said he was in the midst of getting off all of the stuff he was on and it was tough for him.
Howard and Jackie talked about how they've switched roles with their drinking. Jackie doesn't drink anymore but Howard drinks quite a bit.
Jackie said that he has had his jetty out in the water for 20 years now and he's going to be painting it sand color instead of grey like it's been for the past 20 years. Howard said that Jackie is some interview.
Howard gave Jackie some plugs for his show Joke Hunt which is on Tuesday nights at 7pm on Howard 101. Jackie said that tonight's show is the Facebook Hunt.
Jackie said that this movie he was in is coming out on DVD soon. He's also going to be on the show ''Leverage'' soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jackie why he hasn't said one funny thing in the past 17 years that he's been listening. Howard said that Jackie has always been funny. He gave him some more plugs for his web site and all of that. Jackie was saying that Gary looks great these days. He said that he saw him running around trying to catch his ''thought.'' Howard thought Jackie was getting a little soft. Jackie said that his girlfriend gave him that joke about his ''thought'' that he's chasing around. He said that's the whole reason he got into that.
Jackie said he thought Gary was looking good this morning so Howard said that he must be losing it if he thinks that. Gary was kind of overweight and Jackie wasn't making fun of him.
Jackie noticed how thin Robin was and found out about the diet she's on. They went over the no-chewing diet and things like that. Jackie was also asking Robin where she's living and talking about how he's down to just one and a half houses himself. He said he has the most beautiful home on the water. Howard said that he's seen that house. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he had the nerve to say that Trent Reznor wasn't relevant anymore and he got a bunch of negative feedback about that. He read through some of the email he got from fans who pointed out just how relevant he is.
Howard said that Trent was the biggest thing on the planet years ago and now he's not getting any radio play because he's not that big anymore. Howard said he can't maintain that level of music anymore. He said that's just the way it is.
Howard said that you know it's over when the stuff doesn't get played on radio anymore. Howard said there's still tons of money in it for him with the oldies though.
Howard said that he got some mail from someone who said that Robin isn't a cougar like they were talking about yesterday. She's apparently too old.
Howard said that the fans liked Seth MacFarlane on the show yesterday. Howard said that he also got some feedback about spoiling the end of ''Marley and Me.'' He said that's the way it goes in every movie about dogs.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Dolly Parton is going to be on Letterman tonight. Howard said that he can't wait to hear the song she's writing about him. He said that he'd love for her to come in and sing it for him. Jeff wanted to come in and sing with her. Howard said he would ruin it so he's not going to let that happen. He said that his sister can come in and sing it instead.
Steve said they also have a story about High Pitch Eric threatening him when he knocked on his door last week. Steve said that Eric or someone posing as him on SFN had posted something about him. Steve read the post and Eric, or someone else, warned him not to come to his apartment again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jackie took one of the jokes he told off of someone else's album and it's not a new joke.
Steve had a story about Big Foot claiming that he's being tortured and being shot at by BB guns and stuff up in Vermont.
Steve said that Lisa G's cookies have gone up by two dollars. They had a new audio clip of Lisa saying ''Yaaaay'' that they threw in during that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Howard asked him if he liked that Wolverine movie yesterday. Jon said that he did enjoy it. They spent a couple of minutes on that. They talked about some other movies as well and Artie told a story about going to ''The Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood'' with a chick that he never go to bang.
Jon Hein read through his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned the rumors of Robin being a lesbian and Howard said that they were real rumors that he heard. He said there are a bunch of people who have told him they think she could be a lesbian. Robin said she thinks that's ridiculous. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard asked Robin if she has ever kissed another woman or shaved another woman. He went through a bunch of stuff like that with her and her answers were all ''no.''
Jon also brought up Jackie's visit today and spent a short time talking about some of the stuff he said. Howard didn't believe that Jackie really wanted out of the show. He said that Jackie tried to get back on the show a month after he left so he doesn't believe it was the schedule like he claimed. Howard was doing an impression of Jackie and said he loves busting his balls. He said he does love the guy though. He said that Jackie is really fun to hang out with.
Jon went through some more stuff that they'd be covering today. He mentioned the Paris Hilton clip and Howard played some more of that.
Robin started her news with a story about Adam Carolla getting a sitcom pilot. Howard said that he owes him a phone call. He said he knows he wants to talk to him but he needs a lot of time on the side to spend on the phone because Adam likes to talk a lot. He said he will call Adam though.
Robin said that they have a story about a dog that was swept away in a 70 MPH wind over the weekend. It was whipped away and the dog was last seen in flight over a highway. The dog was found not too far from where it was last week. The dog was found by a pet psychic according to the article.
Howard read that Verizon was in talks to get the iPhone. Robin said that could end up being a bidding war to keep the rights with AT&T. Howard said he's going to be getting a new Blackberry Bold. He said his current phone is screwed up so he's getting a new one.
Howard asked Robin how his assistant Laura is doing on her diet. Robin said that she hasn't been weighing in since she started. She said that she didn't want to drive herself crazy with that. Robin said that Tim is the opposite and he freaks out when he gains an ounce. Howard asked who her next project is. Robin said she doesn't recruit. She said that anyone who needs her can come to her and ask.
Robin read a story about the Wilkins ice shelf that has broken and sent ice bergs off into the ocean. She said that they're blaming this on global warming.
Robin read a story about John Mayer saying that he's still single and not locked down. Howard said that he'd love to interview that guy. He said that he seems to be able to get the girls and it doesn't slow him down.
Robin read about Jay Leno returning to his show after his brief hospital stay. She had some audio of Jay on his show talking about the hospital visit. Howard said he did an extended discussion about that this morning. He said you can find that on the replays throughout the day.
Robin read a story about Slash going on American Idol when they do a ''Rock Week.'' Robin said that will be happening soon.
Robin had some audio of Paula Abdul complaining about being targeted by the media and claiming that she's not on any drugs and she never is. She wasn't able to put a sentence together. Howard said that JD is more clear than she is. He said that JD can at least put a sentence together.
Robin read a story about Jayson Williams getting tazered in a hotel room when he was resisting attempts to hospitalize him.
Howard took a call from this stuttering guy Sean who calls in once in a while. They love his stutter but it didn't work when he came in for a visit. Sean was saying that he liked that Blue Iris special that was on last night. He also asked if they have any plans for a Wack Pack death pool. Howard gave him a quick ''no'' and hung up on him.
Robin read a story about Farrah Fawcett's battle with cancer. There weren't many details about the cancer but her son was able to visit her. Howard said he beat off to that young lady when he was growing up. He said he's not sure he'll be able to go on if she passes away.
Robin read that Osama Bin Laden may be dead. Howard said they always say that. Howard said he thinks the guy is still alive.
Robin said she learned something today when she saw that when you rent a car you can buy gas up front and they charge you for a full tank of gas even if it's full already. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said that's been going on forever. Artie said some guys will tell you to bring it back as close to empty as possible when you pay ahead of time.
Robin read some news about the Swine Flu that has been spreading around the country. There are now 40 cases reported around the country. Robin said that it could spread even more and people are being asked to avoid going to Mexico right now. Robin said that there are also some European countries telling people not to go to the United States. Robin said that officials are saying that the pig may not be the real reason for the spread of this flu.
Robin read that someone other than Jackie is turning 61 this year. Israel turns 61 this year. She said that they start their celebration this week.
Robin read about a terrorist scare that happened yesterday in New York City when a 747 was seen flying low around the city. 100 people called 911 when they saw it flying around. It turned out to be Air Force One and it was a photo op that the White House was doing without telling anyone. Howard said that it's ridiculous that they're wasting money doing that stuff because it just looks bad. He said it's just as bad as executives taking bonuses from government bail outs.
Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about the poor judgment they had by doing that without even telling him about it.
Robin said that in Iowa they're now allowing gay marriage. She said that some people got married yesterday after the ban on gay marriage was overturned. Robin had some audio of one marriage that was performed that day. There were also protests going on there so Robin had some audio of that.
Robin had some audio of Hugh Jackman talking about working with Ryan Reynolds in the Wolverine movie. Howard said that Hugh will be coming on the show this week.
Robin also had some Star Trek movie news. She had some audio clips of the guy who will be playing Captain Kirk in the movie. Howard said that he doesn't think that William Shatner is happy about the new movie.
Robin said that the movie ''Bride Wars'' is out on DVD now. She had some audio of Anne Hathaway talking about working with Kate Hudson. Howard listened to that and made fun of it like he does with most of those celebrity clips. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Gary said he and Jackie spoke in the green room for about 10 minutes today. He said that they get along great so he knows that Jackie is just busting his balls when he does goof on him.
Jon said that Jackie even admitted that he's starting to look his age. Gary said that he is 61 and looks good for that age. Gary said that Jackie has always been pretty youthful acting as long as he's known him. He said that Jackie used to be able to drink him under the table and he could always out party him no matter what age he was.
Jon asked Gary about what Howard was saying about Jackie trying to poison Artie about the show. Gary said that it could lead to that if Jackie did take him out to eat.
Gary said that Jackie is very convincing when he says that it was the schedule that he didn't like there. He doesn't think he's being completely honest about that stuff though. He said that He's probably okay with the way things are now but he thinks that he had to be sorry about it at some point.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Jackie talking about why he left and how much he misses working with the guys there.
After playing that clip Gary said that Jackie left the show over money, it was as simple as that. Jackie even said that in the clip but then he conflicted himself when he said it was the schedule. Gary said that it was clearly a money thing. None of them like getting up that early in the morning. Gary said that part of the job is the worst but Jackie left because of money.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jackie was cursing too much and thought he was a little over the top with that. Gary said that Jackie was always like that in real life though. He said that's the way he acted off the air all the time. Gary said that Jackie was also calling Howard a Jew a bit and that's something Jackie pulled out all the time when he was on the show.
The caller asked if they think Jackie is bitter about Howard making so much money. Gary said that he doesn't know that Jackie is bitter. The caller said he thinks that there was something there. Gary asked Benjy if he got that. Benjy said that it's hard to know how Jackie really feels.
Gary said that he was in some situations with Jackie where he wanted them all to stand together and walk out on the show so they could get more money. Gary said that Jason made a point about how it takes two people to do that poisoning thing. It takes one to poison and one to let themselves get poisoned.
Gary said that Jackie used to hint that Howard was making a lot of money and maybe he should be making more. He said that Jackie never kept that a secret. That's the way he negotiated.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jackie's jokes weren't fresh. Gary said that Jackie doesn't claim to write all of the jokes, he just tells funny jokes. The caller said that he heard some of those jokes when he was 8 years old. The guy thought that Howard was overly nice about the Artie thing. Gary didn't think that was the case, he thought Jackie was being himself today.
Another caller asked if they think Jackie knows that he was really nothing without the Stern Show. He said that he was driving by a club where Jackie played in the Poconos and no one was there a few weeks ago. Gary said that Jackie probably did best financially when he was there but he's doing fine now.
Another caller said that he didn't think that Artie was acting right toward Jackie either. Gary said that he doesn't think that Artie was treating him poorly then. The caller said he thought that he was but maybe it was just his ears.
Gary talked to Benjy about the newspaper thing that Howard mentioned this morning too. Benjy said that he started looking at the news about the Bob Dylan song today and that's what led to Howard talking about that. He said that he had no idea that he was going to be late today. Benjy said that he lost track of time and then ended up showing up late.
Gary asked Benjy why he doesn't have that mechanism in his head that tells him to get to work on time. Benjy said he does have that but he just ended up losing track of time and showed up late. He said he didn't have an excuse for that.
Jon said that there is no consequence for Benjy when he does show up late. Benjy said that he thinks that he is fireable so it's not like he's not scared. Gary asked Benjy how many people Howard has fired since he's been there. Benjy said that he knows of a couple but Gary said he didn't have any. Benjy said he knows that there are some.
Gary said that Howard has too much compassion to fire anyone. That's why he lets these guys get away with that stuff. Gary said that Howard would end up feeling really bad even doing what he did with Benjy this morning.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they need to stop Howard with all of the stuff he does with Benjy. He said it's getting old. He said that Howard is a bad employer and he has to give Benjy a few strikes and fire him if he keeps it up. Gary said that they've had that discussion on the air before. He said that they had a conversation off the air with Benjy about him showing up late and he was threatened with firing and he was good about it for a while. It was a long time before he showed up late again. Then it was forgotten about.
One caller asked Benjy how many jokes he writes for Howard a day. Gary said it's a lot. He said that Howard appreciates the work Benjy does and he wouldn't keep him there if he didn't like the work he was doing. Benjy said he would like to have the reputation of being on time too though.
Another caller said that he doesn't get Gary and the way he complains about Howard. The guy didn't have much else to say other than to goof on Gary. They let him do that for a few seconds. The guy was laughing at himself so Jon let him do that all alone for a few seconds before hanging up on him.
Another caller told Benjy that he has to grow up because he's disrespectful. Benjy said he agrees with him on that. He said that he knows he's wrong and he has to do something about it. Benjy said he'd like to be better at that stuff because he hates that feeling.
Jason asked if they should just have Benjy call out sick if he's going to show up 30 minutes late again. Gary said he doesn't think that would go over very well.
Gary said that Stuttering John used to come in late pretty often too and he had to try and get him to show up on time. Jason said that KC used to have JD call him to wake him up. He did that for a while and then had JD call to make sure he was up.
Benjy said that he has a service that calls him to wake him up and it's called WakerUpper. He said that you can tell it what time to call and even tell it what to say to you.
A caller asked Benjy if he would have a hard time getting to work on time in the afternoon if they did a show then. Benjy said he probably would. He said he doesn't want to be late but he just is.
Wheels called in and told Benjy that this stuff is getting old and he has to stop. The guy wanted to say something to Gary too but Gary had to go to their meeting.
Wheels said that Benjy should have to sit in the other room when he shows up late. He dared him to be late again a third day in a row.
Another caller said he actually likes when Benjy pisses Howard off like that. He said he likes to hear Howard going off on him. The guy said that he thinks he could make it work on time if he had the same start time every morning.
Ralph said that Benjy's problem is that there are no consequences. He said that they could stop this if they just put Benjy into another room. He said that would stop him from being late and Howard would forget about him if he was late. Ralph said that they should punish him because he's acting like a little baby.
Benjy said he wants to be there on time and he will try to be there on time. Ralph told Benjy that he's 50 years old and he should just get it together and get there on time. Benjy said that Ralph seems to like to be a dick to people and be extra mean to people. Jon said Ralph was on the phone very early this morning to talk about this stuff.
Ralph said that Howard wouldn't have to feel bad about firing Benjy if they put him in another room. Benjy said that he has the reputation of being late from years ago. Ralph said that he was given a serious talk about showing up late and you'd think he would show up on time. Benjy said that was 7 years ago. Benjy said that others show up late there too and no one says anything about it.
Ralph said that he would be pissed about Artie showing up late too and doing whatever he wants. He said that Benjy has a different job though. Benjy said he wasn't talking about just Artie though. There are others who show up late too. They had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up the theory of Robin possibly being a lesbian that came up today. JD said that he's heard that before somewhere but he wasn't even sure where.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that Robin would be interested in that. JD said he can only speculate on it and he doesn't think that she'd be into it. JD said that he fears the wrath of Robin and he doesn't want her to be coming after him. JD said that she's number 2 on the show and she could insult him in ways that he could never think of.
JD said that Robin has done that to him before and talked about Robin wanting to stab him in the eye with a pencil when he said his movie was better than her's.
Jon took a call from a guy who was talking about what a genius Howard Stern is. He was going off on people like Jamie Foxx who think they're like Howard Stern. The guy said that Benjy should think about what he's doing and get there on time. He said that Howard didn't skip a beat when Jackie left the show and Benjy could be replaced just as easy.
Jon said that Benjy's job is more important than the caller was thinking it was but he's right about him needing to show up on time. Jon said that there should be some kind of consequence for showing up late. The caller said that Howard has always showed up on time and Benjy's excuses are just not valid.
Jon said that you can have a late day now and then but Benjy has had a lot of them. Jon asked JD if he thinks that Benjy will show up on time. JD said that they had a whole thing happen with him and he promised he would be on time and now he's showing up late again. JD said they have to let him go if it's going to continue to be an issue like that. JD said he likes Benjy but at the worst he has to be let go and at the least they have to warn him that something will happen if he continues to show up late.
Shuli came in and said that Howard has to have control of his show and he doesn't want things like this getting out of his hands. He said it's not the first time this has happened with Benjy either. He said that Benjy even went into the creative meeting late today. Shuli said there is a double standard with some people on the show but that's life.
Another caller said that Benjy is a jerk for running through the halls like that. She said that people on the show have their things and they go through it all the time. That's why the show is such a work of art. Shuli said that was the strangest compliment ever.
The caller said that she shows up late too and she knows that if she got in trouble, she would show up on time the next day. She said that she thinks that Benjy should be able to do that too.
Gary was back in and talked about Ralph being like Teflon on the show. He said that Ralph could eat this caller for dinner. She said she knows that. Jon put Ralph on the phone to go after this woman.
Ralph said that he used to come on the show to do Howard's hair and he was never late. Gary said that Ralph would wreak of alcohol when he'd come in. Ralph said that he was on time! Gary said Ralph wouldn't sleep at night that's why he would show up after a night of drinking. Ralph said he showed up high on mushrooms one time.
The woman on the phone was telling Ralph that he's ugly. Ralph said that she'd love it if he kissed her. She wasn't interested and told him that he's such an idiot. Ralph said she won't be the first or the last to tell him that. She told Ralph to stop calling the show. Ralph told her to stop calling.
Ralph and the caller went back and forth for a couple of minutes until Jon had to cut her off. Ralph said that he had been humbled after that.
Ralph said that Howard is getting into the Richard zone with his opinions on movies. He said that Howard saying that Wolverine was better than Iron Man was just wrong.
Gary and Jon talked about some of the stories that Carol told today. Jon said he doesn't get why she would clam up about the Elaine character. He said maybe that she hears about it a lot. Gary said that the premise of Elaine might be the case but not the whole relationship. Gary said that the characters on the show aren't the nicest people and maybe she doesn't want to be linked to that.
Gary said that Carol did say that she and Jerry were lovers and they became friends, but that's the extent of the whole thing.
Gary said that the George character on Seinfeld was based on Larry David. Larry David has even said that he's much worse than George in real life and you can see that on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.''
Jon brought up the Robin Lesbian theory again and Gary said that Robin has heard that before. He said he heard that within 6 months of working for the show. Gary said Robin shaved her head one time back at WNBC and people thought she was a lesbian around that time. Just because she cut her hair.
Gary said he doesn't think that Robin is into women that way at all but people see her not dating guys for along time and they think she's gay. Shuli said it doesn't help that she's gone out with Martina Navratilova.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he hated to get off topic but he wanted to talk about the Twitter thing. He said that he's a big time fan who doesn't Twitter and he thinks it would be interesting if they had a different person Twitter every day. He said they could do that through the whole day instead of just during the show. He said he'd look forward to something like that every day.
Gary asked the guy how that promotes the show. The caller said that it would be nice to get a deeper look into the show, that's why he suggested that. Gary said he'll look into doing something like that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show welcoming everyone to the world of SIRIUS XM. Robin said she had forgotten that it was SIRIUS XM. She didn't know what channel they were on over at XM. Howard told her it's the same channel on both. 100 and 101. Howard said that people will find them no matter what channel they're on.
Howard said they work in a building that has the tightest security in the city or maybe even the world. He said that his hair stylist Toni comes in every morning to do his hair. He said that she does that so it looks like he doesn't do his hair. She came in and tried to get in the same door she comes in every day. Security asked her to come in a different door than she comes in every other day. He said she has to walk around the long way in the dark and it's not really very safe.
Howard said Gary got yelled at to come in on 48. They told him that they can't come in that way for 2 days. They weren't warned about it but it turns out that they're shooting a commercial in the lobby for two days so they're keeping them out of that door and making them come in the other door.
Howard said that they have a computer system there in the building that they use to let people in. They didn't let his wife in one day. Howard said Gary forgot his ID one day and they didn't let him go up. Gary had Jon Hein put him in the system and they still wanted to see his ID. They didn't want to let him up because he didn't have any ID at all. The guy had seen Gary every day for 3 years and they still didn't let him go up until another guy told him to just let him go up.
Gary said that he saw the sign on the door downstairs but it was actually a Brad Pitt movie they're shooting in the lobby, not a commercial. Robin said she might have to go down and take a look if that's the case. Howard said that guy Brad Pitt must be miserable lugging the kids around all over the place. That led to the guys talking about Brad and Angelina Jolie.
Howard said that Brad seems to be a baby sitter from what he's seen. Robin said that they don't know those kids, they just have their pictures taken as photo ops. Howard said that Richard Christy used to have a picture of Brad Pitt hanging in his room. They talked about how it was from the Legends of the Fall and he looked almost like a chick in that movie.
Gary said that he asked Richard about that and Richard asked ''why not?'' when he was told he can't have that many favorites.
Howard played some of the audio from the Wrap UP Show from Monday where Richard was talking about his favorite things. The guys were telling him that he can't have that many favorite things and he was arguing with them that he can.
Howard said Richard is so dumb. He said that if he's asked what his favorite movie is he'd say it was ''The Godfather.'' That's it. There's nothing else that's his favorite. Gary said that they'll ask Richard what his favorite is and he'll have a whole list of things.
Richard came in and said that people say they have a favorite child and they like more than one. Howard said that's not the definition of that word and you can't have more than one ''favorite.'' Richard said that his favorite horror movie of all time is Halloween. Howard asked if The Fog is his favorite. Richard said ''well...''
Richard asked Artie what his favorite food of all time is. Artie said it's pizza. Howard said that it can't be multiple things. Robin told Richard that maybe he just loves horror films and doesn't have one favorite. Howard said that it belittles Richard's intelligence when he says that stuff.
Richard said maybe he's just trying to be different. Richard said ''favorite'' means something you love a ton. Howard told him that's not right, it's just one thing. Richard asked why it has to be just one thing. Robin told him that it's the meaning of the word.
Richard asked why he can't define the word differently. Howard said you can't just go around doing that. He said it would be like him saying that the word monkey means horse. You can't just do that. Richard said that Howard has always gone against the rules. Howard said this is different. Howard told him that he could use different words when he describes things. He said that he could say that this is one of his favorites or something like that. The word favorite means the one thing that you love above all others.
Howard said he had to move but most of them there know what the word means. He told Richard to think about what that word means. Richard said he has many favorite foods. Howard said that he has to have just one. Richard said that he wants to know how to describe them then. Howard told Richard to say that he loves so many different types of food. Howard said that if he's asked what his favorite is, he should tell people that he can't pick a favorite because he loves so many. Howard told him that if they press him and he had to pick just one, he could pick one and say that it was his favorite. Artie said that by that point in the conversation the person would have left.
Richard said that Artie is always saying that the chicks that come in there are the hottest. Artie said he's acting like a stupid person, he doesn't mean it. Richard said that's what he's doing. Artie said he's doing a bit, Richard isn't.
Howard said Richard said that Peter North was his favorite porn guy. Then he said that Nick Manning was his favorite. He can love them all but they're not all his favorite. Howard said it's just a misuse of the word.
Howard asked Richard who his favorite female porn star is. Richard said that's a tough one. He said it would probably be this girl Madison from the early 90s. Howard said that Bree Olson isn't a favorite and Jenna Jameson isn't a favorite. Richard said that he'll think of another one that he didn't think of and she may be his favorite then. Howard said he didn't pick a favorite then.
Artie said that Richard has Family Guy and Simpsons boxer shorts and they can't both be his favorite. Howard said that he'd have to say that he loves cartoons and he wouldn't have a favorite. Richard said he does have a favorite with ''King of the Hill.'' Howard said Richard was telling Seth MacFarlane that his favorite was Family Guy. He has to come up with a favorite once in a blue moon and that's it.
Howard said Richard seems to understand things a little better. Richard asked if he could go down and see Brad Pitt this morning. Gary said that they're actually doing and overnight shoot so they were already gone. He said he didn't see any evidence that they were there at all anyway.
Ronnie came in and said that they do the shoot from 7pm to sometime early in the morning. They're doing it again tonight.
Howard said that Richard will put more thought into this favorite thing from now on. He told Richard to make a list of his favorite things and let them know what they are. Artie told him to put it on paper, crumple it up and shove it up his ass.
Richard said he got his test results and it turns out he doesn't have MRSA in that wound on his arm. Howard said he got the note about that and saw he was okay. The guys talked about how Richard will probably end up doing the whole favorite thing even though they talked to him about this. Fred said it'll be like the scene in The Jerk where Steve Martin says he doesn't need anything but then starts picking the stuff he does need and ends up with a huge pile of stuff.
Howard said he has this Vigo application on the Blackberry and it brings you videos into your phone. He said that not one video works in there even though they're supposed to have YouTube in there. He said that they have error messages all the time. He's not sure why they approve the apps if they don't work.
Richard said there's a cool application on the iPhone that will identify a song for you if you just hold it up to a radio. Howard said they have that on the Blackberry too.
Howard said that he has this thing called Arc at home and it organizes all of his CDs. He said that he had to hear some Neil Young yesterday and he tuned into that thing. He said he wanted to sing along to the song and googled the lyrics to one of the songs he was listening to. He said he was on HyperRust.org and this kid had all of the lyrics for every Neil Young song. He said it was great that he was able to do that. He said he was thinking about how great the technology was that he could do all of this stuff.
Howard played some of the Neil Young stuff he was listening to yesterday. Howard said he was thinking about playing the entire album today because there's nothing more important that he could say himself.
Howard said he's as heterosexual as they come but he's not sure what this hang up is about being gay. Howard said they played a clip during the news where people were petitioning to make sure gay marriage doesn't happen in his state. Robin said that the guy doesn't have to marry a gay person so it doesn't make sense. Howard said that they follow these rules that are in a book that was written by some douche bag. Artie said that you're supposed to accept everyone because they were all created by God. Artie said that people don't choose to be downtrodden. He said that doesn't make any sense.
Howard read some email and someone asked to see his character Pug that he talked about with Seth MacFarlane. Howard said he'd put some pictures up today on his web site. Howard described how he writes out the word ''pug'' and draws a face on it that becomes a character. Howard said he used to do that when he was a kid.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up how Senator Arlen Specter is going to be changing from the Republican party to the Democratic party. Howard said that it makes sense to him because he's not really agreeing with all of the Republican's views. He's going to switch and make sure he can win the primary. Howard said it's a good thing for Obama too because he's a senator switching parties to the President's party. Howard said he's very smart about that.
Howard said that Obama is even going to campaign for him so that's going to work out for him. Howard said that Specter has become enlightened. Howard said that you can't just agree with every single thing that one side has to say. Howard said he thinks it's a good idea for him to do this.
Howard had some more email to go through. He said that some people were writing in about the fit he went into about Benjy. Some people thought he was being a spoiled bitch or a cranky bitch about the whole thing. They told him to leave Benjy alone.
Howard said he didn't want to sit and yell at Benjy, he got sidetracked. Howard said that if they don't like him yelling he understands. He said that some people don't like him to be the boss. Howard said that it does fall on his shoulders to be the boss but that's Benjy's fault for distracting him like that. He said that all he has to do is show up to work on time.
Howard said that he can't just let it go when Benjy shows up late for work a couple of days in a row. Howard said that he's not the one who is late, he's just trying to do his job. Howard said that Benjy isn't just an asshole, he's the whole ass because he's so big.
Howard read some mail from people who thought Benjy was wrong. Howard said he's going to take Ralph's suggestion to keep Benjy out of the studio if he shows up late again. Howard said that's what he's going to do and he's not going to let Benjy in the studio anymore if he shows up late again. Howard said that he was going to give him one more shot but then Robin said that they should give him time limits on that so they can punish him for each infraction. Howard said that he will have him in there for now but if he shows up late he's going to keep him out of the studio for a month at a time if he shows up late.
Eric said that his meeting with Robert Mills was postponed for a couple of weeks because he's not able to make it down there this week.
Howard said he got an email from Robert Mills and he almost fell off his chair when he read it. Howard said that Eric is insane. Eric told Howard he's completely sane. Howard read Robert's email where he said that Eric set up this meeting for this Wednesday, today. Howard said that Robert cleared his schedule for Eric to make this meeting happen. He's a busy man with this show The Bachelor so he had to clear his calendar for Eric. Robert told him he was going to have Eric meet some people there at ABC and pulled them from their jobs. Howard said that no one out there in L.A. is getting that kind of treatment.
Howard said that no one heard from Eric so they called to find out what was going on. Eric was waiting for the end of American Idol before doing the meeting. Robin said Eric is an idiot. Eric said that he's not an idiot.
Howard said that Robert says that he was irritated by this but he does like Eric and is looking forward to meeting him.
Eric said he was waiting for Johnny Fratto to come through with getting down there to L.A. Howard said that Eric shouldn't tie up Robert Mills then. Howard said he has to tell people the truth instead of keeping them in the dark about this stuff. Eric said he wasn't trying to do that, he was waiting for a favor. He said he's not sure what to do.
Robin told Eric to be a man and deal with things on his own. Eric said that he doesn't make enough money to get his own ass down there so he has to depend on other people. Robin told Eric he should have told Robert Mills that instead of leaving him hanging.
Howard read that Robert wouldn't have known that Eric wasn't going to show up if he hadn't called himself. Howard asked Eric why he didn't give him more time. Eric said he was going to call him yesterday but he beat him to the punch. Eric said that he's supposed to be in L.A. for the American Idol finale in a couple of weeks so he was going to have the meeting then. Howard told Eric he's burning a good bridge with this. He said he helped him out with this and now he's blowing it.
Howard said that Robert had guys lined up to meet Eric and he was thinking that it could take off and now Eric is blowing him off. Robin said that they're going to put up with his stupidity again when he claims he's going down there again. Eric said that he's not stupid and he doesn't have any stupidity in him.
Howard said he may have made a mistake with Eric by setting him up with this guy. Eric said that he didn't make a mistake. Howard said that Eric has to make sure he can make it the next time he sets up an appointment. Eric said he understands that. Howard told him not to blow the opportunity. Howard said that he has to make sure he can definitely get there or maybe tell Robert he doesn't have money and maybe he'll help him out.
Eric asked Artie how his Yankees are doing. Artie said that it's only April. That led to the guys talking about how expensive the tickets are at the new stadium. Artie said the average price is $78 for a ticket there. Artie said that back in 1977 they were $10 a piece. He said that it would be like getting in there for $50 now but you can't even get close to that now.
Eric and Artie talked about the Yankees for a minute before Howard told Eric he had made some good points and some bad ones this morning. Artie told Eric to take his club foot and shove it in his ass. Eric said that at least he can find his penis. Howard told Eric to handle his business life better. Howard said that he and Johnny Fratto are trying to get him going but it's not working.
Howard said that a couple of days ago they were heroes for playing the Paris Hilton ''Huuuuge'' clip but today the fans are mad at them for stretching that clip out to two minutes. Howard said that they were reacting to the really long ones that they've been playing. Howard said that one person complained because it was stinging their ears. Howard said that they're going to have an hour long special of just that ''Huuuuge'' clip just to annoy that person. Artie asked what's not funny about that clip?
Howard said that Paris Hilton has to approve you for her Twitter feed. He said they were rejected a bunch of times but finally got accepted. Howard read some of her comments on her feed and none of them had anything to do with working. Howard said that if you were her friend you'd want to kill yourself after reading some of the stuff she posts. She talks about shopping and getting spry tans and stuff. Artie said he just wanted to tell her to go fuck herself after hearing some of that stuff.
Howard read some more of the stuff Paris was posting and she was writing stuff that's just going to make people hate her even more. She was talking about the places she's staying and how great they are. Howard said she wrote about going to a Britney Spears concert and then going out after the concert. Howard said that they're under an assumed name in that 30,000 followers she has there. Howard said now they'll be able to follow her.
Howard came back and said that he and Robin have been going back and forth playing phone tag and they keep missing each other. Howard said that he was at the shrink when she called. Robin said that she called on Sunday and it wasn't late. Howard told her to do it over the Blackberry.
Howard said he called Robin yesterday and she didn't answer him either. Robin said it was two days ago but Howard said it was yesterday. He said she doesn't know how to use her cell phone.
Howard said he tried to call Robin back and left her a voice mail yesterday. Robin said there were no calls but then she saw that there was something there. Howard said that Robin doesn't know how to use her phone and technology is confusing her. He told her to check her messages. Robin said she knows how to check that but she didn't see anything about a pending voice mail.
Howard had Lisa G come in after that. Lisa came in and said that Howard can call her if he wants. Howard said he has no reason to. Lisa said that Blue Iris is still on life support and now her fans are trying to raise money to get her the proper burial. They're looking to get her into the same cemetery where her mother is buried. You can donate through BlueIrisProducts.com
Lisa said that they found a cockroach there in the hall and Kevin Kraft ate it for 7 bucks. Howard said he saw that video and Kevin is trying to do anything to be like Johnny Knoxville.
Robin was able to find her voice mail and said that there was no notice that she had one on her phone. Howard said she's just missing it.
Howard said that this guy Kevin wants to be some sort of Jackass but he's not funny when he does that stuff. He said that when Steve-O and Johnny Knoxville do that stuff, they're funny. He said that Kevin is just gross when he does it. Howard said that the cockroach was dead when he ate it and it could have died from insecticide or something.
Howard asked Kevin what his game plan is with this nonsense. Artie said that the best thing to do is just let Joey Boots fuck him. He said that would be a great stunt. Kevin came in and said that wouldn't be a stunt, that's a gay act. Howard asked Kevin what was going on with the chains on his pants. He said they looked like motorcycle chains. Kevin said it's just a look he's got. He said that it's like wearing an earring or something like that.
Howard said that Kevin would be funny if he did the Joey Boots thing. He said he would laugh at that. Artie said that a gay guy and a straight guy banging is just funny.
Howard asked Kevin what he's trying to do with the stunts he's doing. Kevin said he's been doing them longer than he's even known about Jackass so he's not trying to be like them. Kevin said that he and his dad have always done wacky stuff like that. He said his dad loves that he eats cockroaches and stuff.
Kevin said he burned his pubes off one time and got second degree burns. He said his dad thought that was funny too.
Howard told Kevin that the cockroach was dead and it could have been dead from an insecticide. Kevin said that it had been laying there for 7 hours and no one picked it up. He said that's when he was dared to eat it. He said he likes just goofing off and having fun. Howard said it's just not funny though.
Howard asked Kevin if he's trying to be discovered and do his own Jackass type of thing. Kevin said that's what he'd like to do but he doesn't want to be on Jackass. He said that he'd like to have producers and get gored by a bull or something.
Howard said that Kevin laughs but Johnny Knoxville sent him the catheter that he has to shove up his penis hole. He showed the guys how thick the thing is and it was thicker than a straw. Howard asked Kevin if that's what he wants. Kevin said that was an accident that Johnny had and he would take the chance at something like that. Howard said that it can't be a fun life to destroy your body like that. Kevin said he knows. That didn't seem to change his mind though.
Howard said that Kevin's father owns a business and he should take advantage of that and not screw things up by ruining his body. Kevin said he's been trying to get a screenplay off the ground but the only person he was able to get to read it was Jason. Jason liked it though. Howard told Kevin to stop with the cockroach thing and get out of there. He spent a little more time talking about Kevin's chains that he has hanging off his pants. He wondered who has time to hook that stuff on there.
Joey Boots called in and said that he would so blow Kevin. He said that he would suck his cock so bad and he'd love it. He said that wouldn't be gay for Kevin. Howard said that they have a stunt for Kevin that his dad would be really proud of. Joey said that he would do it so good too. He'd even put on a wig.
Howard asked Joey if he's been able to get any guys lately. Joey said that he's been trying to get his life together so he's not putting himself out there that much. Joey was still thinking about that blow job. Howard had to let him go.
Howard said he had a dream about this chick and he was using his finger on her in this dream. Kevin came back in a short time later and heard about what Joey was willing to do to him. Kevin said he got an email from a guy who offered to give him $5,000 to spend the weekend with him.
Howard asked Kevin about the chains and where he got them. Howard said that bikers wear them to make sure their wallet doesn't fall out while they ride. Kevin said he likes the look and he likes metal songs so he uses them.
Howard asked Kevin if anyone there comments on the chains. Kevin said he's seen other people wearing them there so he's not the only one. Artie said that would be something for Joey Boots to grab on to. Kevin said that he has gotten caught on things on the bus before.
Howard asked Kevin if he's on anything right now. Kevin said that he's on Lexipro. He said that there's nothing in particular that he can point out but he has mood swings so they put him on that stuff. Howard said he'd put him on that just for the chains.
Artie said that he has mood swings and he just fights through them... with heroin. Howard asked Kevin if he asked for the medication. Kevin said his mother actually suggested it. Howard said that maybe he should think about why he's sad instead of using medication to get over it.
Howard told Kevin to get off the drug and just do the hard work to figure out what his sadness is about and work it out that way. Kevin said that he went to therapy as a kid and they put him on a bunch of drugs back then too. Kevin told Howard he also smokes weed so Howard asked him why he would do that if he's on that Lexipro stuff.
Howard said that Lisa G didn't even want to talk to Kevin, she just walked out of the studio. Howard let Kevin go after that.
Howard asked Artie if he's doing the hard work with the shrink. Artie said that he's going but he's not on any drugs. Artie said the guy is fine with him going just once a week. Robin said that maybe Artie isn't being honest with them.
Joey Boots was back on the line so he asked for Kevin go come back in. Howard said that Kevin doesn't want to get blown. Joey said he would bring him some coke or whatever he wants. Howard had Kevin come back in.
Kevin told Boots that he isn't into that and he's not going to do what he wants him to. Kevin said that penis just doesn't do it for him. Joey said he would give him $1,000 to let him blow him. Kevin said that's not his thing. Howard thanked Joey and let him and Kevin go.
Eric was taking some medication he had with him. He had Selexa and Trazidone or something like that. Eric said the Trazidone helps you sleep but you can get an erection from it. Howard told him not to take the pills. Eric said they would relax him. Howard said he didn't want him relaxed.
Howard asked Artie if he is sickened by this guy when he sees him taking drugs. Artie said that Eric is taking legal drugs that run the country now. Howard said that Eric is on stuff they've never even heard of. Eric said that the Selexa is an anti-depressant. Howard said the doses must be for the size of an elephant.
Artie said that he thinks that the good psychiatrists won't prescribe pills to you. Howard never had any prescribed to him.
Howard asked Eric how he affords this stuff. Eric said he's on Medicaid. Eric said that he goes to a therapist and a psychiatrist who puts him on the medication. Howard asked Eric if he ever asks what's wrong with him. Eric said he's depressed.
Eric said that he met this girl Angel... Howard cut him off and said he wanted to talk to him about her. Eric said that Howard wanted him to stay out of trouble and he has been able to do that. Howard had to cut him off again and said that this girl Angel had sex with Eric and he's not sure what possessed her to do that. Eric said he finished inside of her and it felt so good. Howard said he can't imagine why she would let him do that.
Eric said he met Angel on AOL and she said that she knew who he was. He said she knew him from the Howard Stern Show and two days later they went on a date. Eric said they went for Japanese food. Howard said he's not sure why guys can't find chicks when Eric is able to find a chick on AOL and get laid.
Eric said he went to Angel's house one day and they had sex that first day. He said that he had called Howard from her house that day. Howard said that it was the first time that a woman did that for Eric. Eric said that's right. Eric said he even grew his hair back for her.
Eric said that he and Angel were seeing each other a lot back then. Artie asked if he was seeing her from afar and she as running away. Eric said ''No!'' to that. Howard asked Eric if she introduced him to her kids. Eric said that the kids liked him. Howard said this is like the Frankenstein monster being accepted.
Eric asked what happened and why Angel ended up calling them crying. Eric said he was worried about her and he was just trying to get in touch with her. Howard said Eric kept hounding her and that's what the problem was. Eric said he lost weight for her.
Eric said that Angel asked him to leave when she got cancer and she asked for some time alone to get better. Howard said that she asked Eric to leave and then he obsessively called and harassed her.
Howard said that Eric has a temper and threatened her. Eric said that he didn't threaten her at all. Eric asked him if he knows what the word ''threat'' means. Eric said he didn't threaten her.
Howard said that Eric told them that he was going to leave Angel alone but then he contacted her again. Eric said that he sent her one message on AOL IM and asked for something back. He said that he's getting that stuff back.
Howard asked Eric why he had to go to the benefit show when they asked him not to go. Eric said that he had to go see Mariann and Irish John there. Howard said that they didn't want him there. Eric said he left early. He said that Mariann or Irish John would tell him that he left early. Howard said he was asked not to go at all and he didn't listen. Howard said he doesn't listen to the boss. Eric said that he does listen. Howard said he didn't listen to them about going to that show.
Howard asked Eric why he went to that show. Eric said it was to see Mariann and John, that was it. Howard said that's not true.
Eric said he got into some trouble with Steve Langford and he was wrong about that too. Eric said that Steve is discriminating against him about some stuff. He said he went to McDonald's for lunch and Steve told him he didn't want him on the same train as he was on with the bag of food.
Eric talked about the food he had in the bag that day. He had a Mushroom Swiss Burger, a Filet-o-fish, fries and a drink.
Steve came in and said that Eric wanted to bring the food on the train with him but they can get fined for carrying that stuff on the train. Eric said that Steve was hiding behind a wall in the train station so he couldn't find him. Steve said that Eric was chasing him in the subway too. He said that he harasses him and then complains about him going to his apartment to ask him questions.
Eric said that he had Steve asking him questions about his court case and he just kept saying ''no comment.'' Steve said that's fine. He also said that it's fine if he doesn't want him coming to his apartment. Steve said that he won't bother him anymore if he doesn't want him there. Eric said that he doesn't want him doing that anymore.
Steve said that he saw Eric's apartment and it was a mess. He said that there was trash all over the room. Eric said it's a tiny room he lives in and he keeps it clean. Steve said he saw inside the room and it was a mess. Eric said he didn't see the inside.
Howard asked Eric if he's doing anything to lose weight. Eric said that he's down to 327. Fred said ''no way'' and said that he has to be at least 360. Eric got on the studio scale. Fred had bet him a buck that he was at least 360. Eric weighed in at 333. Fred wasn't going to pay him and said that the bet was a wash.
Steve said that he got an email from Deena who claims that Eric texted her yesterday saying that she was a ''cunt face.'' Eric said that she's a stalker. Eric said that she stalks people like Joey Boots and Shuli. Howard told Eric to calm down with that stuff.
Steve said that she almost had him in jail for that. Eric said it was another woman by the name of Laura who almost had him in jail. Eric said he stopped talking to her.
Gary told Howard that he had some of those voice mails that Eric left for that woman Laura. Howard played some of those and told Eric he has to get his act together.
Laura called in and said that Eric lies about everything. She said that Eric was calling her again and she had to go to the police. Eric kept saying that this wasn't Laura on the phone. Howard it was her. Howard asked why he called her last week. Eric said it wasn't last week. Eric said that he went to the police and asked them to make her leave him alone too.
Eric said that Laura was contacting him too so he had to ask the cop to contact her. Howard asked Eric what he's up to with these women. Laura said she was so good to this guy. She said that she was trying to help him out with some stuff. She said that she let him stay at her house and things like that. Eric said that she got some tickets for her to go to a Poison concert too. He introduced her to Sebastian Bach too.
Howard asked Laura when Eric was calling her. She said it was two weeks ago. Eric said it wasn't two weeks ago. Howard asked if Laura called him first. Eric was claiming that she did but Laura denied it. Laura said that the cops told Eric not to call her and then he called her two days ago. Eric said that one of her friends is bothering him on AOL so he asked her to ask him to stop bothering him.
Howard told Eric he has to stop this behavior. Artie said he knows this girl and she's cute. He said that Eric was with her at a couple of shows. Howard said that Eric is denying this stuff and then agreeing with her. Laura said that she's the one that Eric was threatening to kill. Eric said that was a year ago and that's in the past.
Eric said that when he was working construction he got fired. He said that he asked her not to say anything. She opened her mouth anyway. Howard said that he also threatened to kill her pets. Eric said that he brought her to a bunch of concerts. She told him that it doesn't matter what he did, he has to stop contacting her.
Howard played some more of the messages they had of Eric threatening Laura on her answering machine. Eric was saying he was going to end her life and kill her pets and things like that. Eric said he was going to smash her face into the pavement and things like that as well.
Howard told Eric he can't be leaving messages on her machine if he's going to threaten people. He asked Eric why he's calling her a filthy Jew in the messages if he's a Jew himself. Eric said he doesn't know why he did that.
Eric asked Steve why he was saying that he was dying his hair. He said he just grew it back. He took his hat off and Artie started to laugh his ass off when he saw what was under it. Artie said that Eric looks so dopey. Howard said that Eric looks good with a full head of hair.
Howard said that these phone calls that Eric makes sound dangerous to him. He said that he can't be doing that kind of thing.
Mutt from SFN called in and said that Eric had an excuse to be mad at Laura. Laura cut him of and said that Mutt banned her from his shitty web site and didn't know what was really going on with Eric. Howard said that Eric can't be going around threatening women. Mutt said that he told Eric not to talk to this woman because he was asking for trouble. Laura was going off on Mutt about that so Howard had to cut her off so Mutt could talk.
Mutt went on to say that Eric would get this woman back stage and things and sometimes Eric would do it and she'd give him a ride. Then she'd blow Eric off if she got a better deal to go back stage. Mutt said that's when Eric would make those calls to her and go overboard with the comments. Mutt said that there was some craziness on both sides of the fence there.
Howard let Mutt go and thanked him and Laura for calling in. Howard told Eric to stop calling her. Howard said they're never going to get to the bottom of this. Howard told Eric to pretend that he killed her and she's gone now. The guys made sure to repeat ''pretend'' a couple of times.
Howard said that Eric has wonderful hair and he should keep it growing. Howard said that it took them by surprise when he took it off. Artie said he looked like Pete Rose.
Eric said that he has a good time hanging out with people like Irish John. Howard told Eric to do things legitimately and not take limo rides from people he can't pay and things like that. Eric said he's not doing that stuff anymore.
Howard told Eric to stop calling these women and leave them alone. Howard said he seems to have a lot of anger toward women. Eric said he really doesn't.
Ralph said that it sounds like Eric and Laura deserve each other. He said that he's not sure why she would hang out with him because he's so weird.
Howard asked Eric what Irish John is doing at the Yankee games all the time. John was on the phone so he told Howard that he does have a job and he works for a construction and demolition company. John talked about how good Eric was with his father when he hung out with him. He said that his father thought of him as a son.
Howard said that his head was spinning from all of this. He said that he's heard enough of this stuff. Howard said he hopes that Eric gets his life back on track and pulls it together. Robin said that Eric said he wasn't going to do the show anymore because it was in the way of his life. Howard said that's ridiculous. Eric said he wanted to keep a low profile for a while.
Eric said he was in love with this girl Angel. Eric said that when you have sex more than once you feel like you're in love with a woman. Eric said he was glad that she was ''fixed'' because he doesn't know what he would do if he got her pregnant. Eric said that he heard he rocked her world the first time he did it with her. Eric said that he was bigger than ever with her. He said that she got on top of him and he tried to do it the tother way but he couldn't hold himself up.
Howard asked Eric if he was able to do doggy position. Eric said he did that and he lasted about 30 seconds each time he did it. Howard said that he must have rocked her world if he lasted that long. Eric said that he did foreplay and put fingers inside of her. He said that he got her off doing that. Eric said that Angel told him what to do and he did whatever she said. Howard told him to show him where the clitoris was on Robin. Robin didn't seem ready to do that.
Howard asked Eric if he licked her. Eric said she didn't let him do that. Howard asked how long her rubbed her. Eric said he did that until she was all wet and then he slid it in and lasted 30 seconds. Howard asked when she killed herself. Eric said she didn't do that. If she had he wouldn't have been able to have sex with her.
Howard asked if Eric's dick sticks out past his belly when he's hard. Of course it doesn't. Artie was saying that Eric's hair is much darker than you'd expect so it made sense that Steve thought it was being dyed.
Howard asked Eric how many times they did it. Eric said that they did it about 9 times and he did them all that night. Howard said he'd have to do that every 15 minutes. Eric said that's exactly what it was and he swore that's how many times they did it.
Howard said that Eric was a virgin but he had done pornos before so he technically wasn't. Then they said that he wasn't even able to get hard in the porn so he was still a virgin. Howard asked Eric how he gets it in because his penis is so small. Eric said he was huge that day and it must have been more than 4 inches. He was ''huuuuge'' so Fred played the Paris Hilton ''Huuuuge'' clip. Howard said that's good for Eric. Robin said he hopes he finds love again some day.
Eric said that he's going to be a greeter at the door for a Bob Levy comedy show in Collingswood, New Jersey on May 8th. He said that Nick DiPaolo will be there too. Eric said that he's going to open the door for people there.
The guys brought in a vagina mold and had Eric demonstrate how he was rubbing the clit. He was actually rubbing the asshole on the mold. Eric didn't know it was the wrong way. Eric got it right when they told him he was wrong. Eric said it was upside down.
Howard told Eric to be nice to people and not threaten them anymore. Eric got to keep the fake vagina thing that the had just demonstrated his clit rubbing on. Artie said that poor thing probably just screamed out ''Noo!'' when Eric said he was taking it. Robin said she pictures it on the top of his pile of garbage in his apartment.
Howard said that Colin Quinn was going to be in after the break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary had some kind of wet dream to pitch at the Mets game and now he's going nuts with anxiety over it. He said that Gary was going to throw out the opening pitch on May 9th and he's been going out practicing. Howard said that Gary is afraid of throwing a spaz pitch.
Gary said that he just pretends that it's the pitch that he's throwing and the ball goes all over the place. He said that his son is working with him and his son is the one who is working him. Gary said his son does the announcing and it freaks him out when he thinks about it.
Howard asked why he agreed to do it. Gary said that a charity contacted him to do it. Gary said that it's Autism Awareness day that day so he's doing it to promote that. Gary said that he sees himself fucking up the pitch and Artie goofing on him about it and calling him gay.
Artie said that he threw a pitch out one time and it was fine. He said that he should do the wind up to take his mind off of what he's out there doing. Gary said that some people were telling him to just go out and throw the ball before they announce what he's doing.
Gary said that he's been told that a football player threw the pitch out one day and it was an awful throw. Gary said that if he gets nervous then he's really going to get nervous.
Gary said that the whole crowd is going to boo him if he screws it up. Howard said that Gary thinks that he's a great athlete and that's why he's so nervous. Gary said that he doesn't think that he's that great but he does have some skills. Howard played a song parody about Gary to the tune of ''Take Me Out to The Ball Game.'' Sal did that one back at K-Rock. Gary said the funny thing is that the guy who wrote the song can't throw a pitch to save his life.
Artie talked about the time Chris Rock threw a pitch and it went flying way off to the side. Gary said that one guy threw one that went toward third base. Some guys just get really nervous and can't throw out in front of the people there. Artie said that Gary should just throw it hard and it'll make up for the inaccuracy.
Howard asked Gary to demonstrate how he throws. Then Artie demonstrated the throw and almost threw it at Gary. Howard told Artie not to actually throw the ball because he could hurt someone with it. Howard warned him not to throw it about 3 times. Howard said no one cares what Gary does. He had Colin Quinn there so he moved on to him.
Howard said that Colin has lost a lot of weight and he looks handsome. Colin thanked him for that. He said he dieted and worked out to lose it. Colin said that he won't eat after 6 or 7 at night anymore. Howard asked him what he ate for breakfast. Colin said he had bacon and eggs and a bale of hay.
Howard asked Colin if he has bread with that. He said he will have toast sometimes. He said he'll have chicken and vegetables for lunch and then nothing for dinner. Colin said that he rarely eats dinner. If he does he eats chicken. Colin said he didn't eat anything last night because he knew he was coming in there.
Howard said that Colin is doing something new. Colin said he's doing his one man show again. He said that it's totally different than doing comedy. Colin said that this show is about the nation going from hard workers to paper pushers.
Howard asked Colin if it's about the economy. Colin said it's about the character of the country but it's funny. Howard asked if it's like Rush Limbaugh type stuff. Colin said it's comedy and it's not like that at all. He said he guarantees him that it's funny.
Artie said he went to see Colin do a show on Broadway years ago and it was really great. He said he went to see it four times. He said it was one of the funniest things he's ever seen in his life. Artie said he's going to bring his mother and sister to see it in a couple of weeks.
Colin said that he was going to talk about why his life isn't going well. He said he ran into Dennis Hof, the guy from the Bunny Ranch. He said he was telling Dennis about some stuff he wrote for HBO and Dennis told him that they're in their 7th season on HBO with their Cathouse show.
Colin said that Dennis told him that Eric the Midget is pretty well hung too. He said that Dennis found that out from the girls at the Bunny Ranch. Howard said that's kind of a waste but it's good that God gave that guy something to work with.
Howard said that it's kind of a cosmic joke. Eric has so many things wrong with him and God gives him a big, thick cock. Howard said he doesn't even get to use it a lot. Colin said he just heard that it was a big one so he's not sure if it's proportionally big or not.
Colin said that he had sex with a hooker for his first time. He said that it kind of spoiled him. Howard asked Colin if he's been getting laid at all lately. Colin said he's been very busy trying to work and he's failing at it so he may have to give up.
Colin said that he's trying to get his career going and nothing is working. Howard asked him what's going on there. Colin said he really doesn't know. He said he writes scripts and stuff and brings most of them to HBO. He said that he gets development deals and they end up turning them down. Howard asked why he can't bring them somewhere else. Colin said that's what he's in the process of doing now.
Howard asked Colin if he gets jealous of people like Dane Cook. Colin said he doesn't. He said he gets jealous of people he shouldn't be jealous of.
Howard said that the networks don't want to have a script before they sign people. He said the less you say about your project, the more they want it. Howard said that he went into a meeting one time where he wanted to get Son of the Beach put on a network. He said they didn't want that show so they asked him what else he was working on. Howard said he didn't have anything going on and just threw out an idea off the top of his head and they bought it. He said that was the cartoon about his life that he pitched. They loved it and wanted the deal immediately.
Colin said that he's been working on scripts for shows and they always turn them down and criticize them. Colin said he should do a comic strip about Bob Levy's life instead.
Howard asked if it was true that he was sleeping at Bob Levy's house. Colin said they talked about that the last time. Colin said that his mother laughed when she heard Artie say that going to see him working with Bob Levy is like going to see Joe Lewis wrestle. Colin was making fun of Bob saying ''Listen to me!'' and ''Truthfully'' all the time.
Howard said that Colin is having no sex and he ended up losing a woman because he was cheating on her just two weeks after he got married. Colin said that it's not hard to avoid sex now. He said that he's busy writing and he has tons of projects in the works. He said that he jerks off sometimes and doesn't even think about sex that much.
Howard said he thinks that Colin might be gay. Colin said he's not gay but he has had some gay experiences. He said his priest gave him a reach around one time. He said that his cat also licked peanut butter off his balls too but that's not gay. Howard said that's what Colin should be writing shows about. Howard said that would be a great script. Howard said that it could be Colin Quinn The High School Years. Colin said that he also had a Tranny blow him when he was 19. That wasn't gay either.
Artie said that he had a pitch meeting with FOX one time. He said that they knew what he wanted to do so he got into the room to pitch the show. He said he had prepared this 20 minute pitch about the show and everyone was laughing. He said that he was showing charts and stuff and then they told him that he can't play the part of someone who does something illegal for a living. He was going to be a runner for a bookie. Artie said that he had nothing else so he threw out an idea of him being married to Cathy Ireland. He said that he walked out thinking they hated him but they loved that Cathy Ireland show idea.
Howard said that maybe Colin has better things going on than they think. He heard that Colin is going to be in the next Adam Sandler movie. Colin said that he was at a meeting about that last week when they did a read through. He said that Norm MacDonald was there and he was so funny. Colin said that they gave Adam some really great stuff at this studio they were at.
Colin said that everyone was laughing their asses off at Norm's lines at that read through. Colin said that he had to come back to New York to do his little show there after that read through. He said they had everyone there at the read through like Spade and Chris Rock. Colin said that he and Norm play the townies in the movie. Howard said that every movie Adam does is a big hit. He asked Colin what's going to happen if it doesn't work out. Colin laughed.
Howard said that Colin is going to be doing some shows at the Gotham Comedy Club this weekend. He's also going to be doing his one man show ''My Two Cents.'' You can find out more information at ColinQuinn.com.
Howard said that Colin is saying that he hasn't had a woman in 2 years and he finds that hard to believe. Howard asked Colin why he would keep women away like that. Colin said that he just has to keep away from them for a while. He said that he'd have to get too involved in it if he had a woman.
Howard asked Colin if he talks about Barack Obama in the one man show. Colin said it has nothing to do with Obama. Colin said it's about the history of the country. Howard asked him how long the show goes on. Colin said it's a show that's over an hour and he tells the story of the country. He does characters and stuff and talks about the history.
Howard asked Colin who the two broads were with him today. Colin said that they're working with him on the show. Howard asked him if he's working them. Colin said he's not. Howard said that must be a relief for them then.
Howard said that Colin seems to be unbalanced in his life. He said it's odd that he has to give up all women and things like that now that he's working hard. Howard asked if any women have shown any interest in him at all. Colin said that they haven't.
Colin asked Howard not to hook him up with anyone. He said that he's not looking for that. Howard said that the one girl he knows would be hurt by Colin. He said Colin would destroy her. Howard said that he has a woman in mind for Colin but he's not sure he should do that to her. Howard said that he's such a dude that he can't imagine giving up sex for two years. He said that he has gone without sex for two years before but not by choice.
Colin said the women with him are just working behind the scenes in this show he's doing. Howard said he had to see these girls. He asked the guys to bring them in. Howard said that they were both nice looking and very attractive. Howard said hello to the girls. One was Rosie and the other was Claire.
Both of them want to be actresses. Howard asked them if they're attracted to Colin. They both said that they are. They said that he's a ''silver fox.'' Howard asked if they really had any interest in them. Howard said he would have sex with both of them. Howard said that Colin should be going for it and asked him what kind of man he is.
Colin said that the girls probably have 3 boyfriends each. Howard asked the girls why they haven't said anything to Colin. He told them that they have to do that to let him know they're interested. The girls said that they met Colin in the hallway of an actor's studio. Howard said that Colin must turn them on with his talent.
Howard asked Colin if he was into the girls. Colin said that they were very good looking and he was attracted to them. He said he's just not having sex with anyone right now. The girls said that he did tell them that he was too focused on his career to have a relationship now.
The girls kept calling Colin the ''silver fox'' but Colin didn't seem to like it. He said it was pissing him off. Howard asked how old the girls were. One was 23 and the other was 24. Howard asked if they were virgins. Of course not.
Colin told Howard about the tattoo that one of the girls had. She had something written in French on her. Howard checked it out said that it did look sexy. Howard said she had a very cute body too. Howard asked Colin how he can't be banging this chick. Howard asked the girls if they get it on. They don't but one of the girls said that she did get it on with a girl when she was at Wellesley college. She said that she considers herself kind of Bi but not completely. Howard said that he would be all over her if he were Colin.
Howard asked the girl about the lesbian experience and how she made that move with the other girl. She told Howard about this sub culture that goes on and she really didn't know how it all came about. Howard asked about what she did with the other chick and found out they went down on each other. She also said that they played with each other's boobs.
Howard said that she had some story there. He said that she has to be pretty comfortable with her body the way she showed her tattoo. Howard said he's not sure what Colin is up to but it seems the Silver Fox is out to pasture. Howard said that the Old Grey Mare might be a better term for him. Colin got a laugh out of that. He told Howard he's on fire today.
Artie said he wouldn't know whether to read the chick or fuck her with that tattoo on her. Howard said the tattoo went from her hip all the way up to her breast. She said that it wasn't too painful to get it done. She's only had it for about a year and she hasn't been with a lot of people since she got it.
Howard said he respects that Colin doesn't want to have sex until his career gets started but if it were him, he wouldn't wait.
Howard asked the girls if they're acting in anything they'd know. They didn't have anything big, they just had some smaller roles. Howard gave Colin some plugs for his shows and web site and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that the morning really went by quickly today. He said that the show was total nonsense today though.
Howard said he was going to tell a story about Mad Dog Russo being kept out of the Yankee games. Howard said that he wanted to do his shows from the new stadium but he's being kept out. Howard read the article he had about it and found out that they're keeping him out because of exclusivity rights for WCBS. Howard said he guesses that Mike Francessa wanted to keep him out or something. He said that no one else would care.
Howard said that the worst mistake terrestrial radio guys is to give a shit about what they're doing there on satellite.
Howard said that they went to England one time to do shows and they were on their way to the place where they were going to do the broadcast. It turned out Scott Muni called this place and told them not to let them in so they were banned from doing it at the Hard Rock. Howard said the ironic thing was that they made the show better by doing that. Howard said that they were at war and they turned it into some of the best radio they ever did. Howard said that the banning can backfire when you do something like that.
Gary said that Howard was really angry that day and the first 40 minutes of that was awesome. Howard said that they gave them a new importance by doing that to them. Howard said that it was also great out in Cleveland when the opposing radio station cut their wires. Howard said that it actually made them look even more interesting when they did that. The other station was afraid of them so much that they cut their wires during a broadcast. Howard said that Mad Dog should just bitch and moan about his old partner to get over this stupid banning.
Steve also brought up Gary throwing out the first pitch at the Mets game. Steve also said that High Pitch Eric has called him twice since he was asked not to earlier this morning.
Steve said that Captain Janks is in even more trouble with the law after ripping off bars and clubs in Pennsylvania and new Jersey. Howard said he'd like to see Janks get this straightened out and get his life back on track. Artie said that if Janks gets a show set up, he will appear at it for him so he can make some money.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of stuff they had for today's show. They ended up talking about High Pitch Eric for a couple of minutes. Howard asked Robin what she thought about that but she had a noise in her studio that she wasn't able to find. Howard said that maybe Scott the Engineer will go in there and fix it. He wasn't sure why it was taking him so long. Scott found it was her computer. Fred thought it was her Blackberry. Gary said that his phone does that to his speakers so maybe it was the phone.
Howard had Jon finish up his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down a bunch of other subjects for today's show. Howard said he heard that Jon was going to go out and practice throwing with Gary. Jon said he is going to help him out with that.
Steve Brandano came in and said that they're going to be talking about the upcoming Intern Beauty Pageant on the Intern Show tonight. Ronnie the Limo Driver will be on to give the girls some advice.
Robin read a story about a woman whose son was set on fire with a bottle of Axe body spray. She said that this is a new weapon that kids are using. There are videos of the product being used as a flame thrower.
Robin read that Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are going to be welcoming twins into their life. They're using a surrogate mother for the kids. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes discussing that story. Howard wondered why they don't just go out and adopt if they're going to do something like that. Robin said a lot of people do this type of thing. They can use Sarah's egg and Matthew's sperm and it could still have their DNA.
Robin read some news about this Swine Flu thing. Howard said he has been washing his hands like crazy lately because of that. He said that he also stopped kissing the deli delivery guys who come up there. Robin said that people are wearing masks now. Artie said that Michael Jackson might be on to something with that mask he wears. Robin said that they are selling a lot of masks around the world because of this.
Howard said the Swine Flu thing can be blamed on the lack of border security. He said that years ago they would check people's health before they came into this country and we don't do that anymore. Robin said that's not why this happened. She said that every person that they've identified so far were visiting Mexico when they got sick. It's not people sneaking over the border.
Artie said he's been to Mexico and it's no different than Sandy Hook in New Jersey. Robin said that a 23 moth old baby died from the Swine Flu. Robin said that they're saying that there isn't too much hype over this flu. She had some audio of a woman talking about that and how you have to wash your hands as much as possible. Howard said that he's all for washing your hands but how many times are you supposed to wash them?
Howard had a clip of a news person reading some stuff about the Swine Flu and going into a coughing fit as she's talking about it.
Robin read some news about Senator Arlen Specter and his defection from the Republican Party to the Democratic party. She had some audio clips to play about that.
Robin had some news about former Mayor Marion Barry and how he's against same sex marriage in Washington DC. Howard was surprise to hear that the guy was still around down there. Robin said he's part of the city council in Washington DC. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about the fly over that the White House did in New York the other day. Howard said he was out running in the park that day and he thinks that he may have heard some noise in the city and they didn't know what it was. Howard said that they found out that it may have been the military jets flying around. Howard said it was the loudest thing he's heard and it was scary.
Artie said that he and Jon Hein were at a game one year and they did a fly over with a jet fighter and it was unbelievably loud. He said that it was shaking the seats in the stadium.
Robin had some audio of some of the 911 calls that were made that day. She had a few of those and people were calling in about the plane being chased by a jet. The 911 operator knew it was nothing to worry about and told the people that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that you can't believe anything that Jackie says anymore. He said that Jackie said that he was divorced but then said that the papers weren't signed. Howard thanked the guy for the call but didn't know exactly what he was talking about. Robin said that Jackie did say that he had to sign the paperwork for his divorce when he was in there.
Artie had a big cigar with him so he asked if he was smoking that. Artie said someone just gave it to him but he didn't light it. He said he just got it for free and stuck it in his mouth.
Robin read a story about a guy who wiped out his whole family and then killed himself. She wondered what the etiquette is supposed to be for someone like that. Should they all be in the same funeral. Howard said he thinks that they'd keep them separate. Robin said that's what they're doing. They held one for the guy's wife and kids and a separate one for the guy who killed them and then himself.
Robin read about some play off games that are being played. Howard guessed hockey. He doesn't know a lot about it though. They spent a short time talking about that. They were also talking about basketball since there are playoffs going on with that too.
Howard had some audio of a sports reporter fitting in the Paris Hilton ''Huuuuge'' during a game. Howard got a laugh out of that when he played it.
Robin read a story about a cloned dog that was created that glows in the dark. Howard said he's not for that but they're saying that they may be able to find cures for humans by changing DNA like that. Howard said that the glowing dog thing is kind of scary actually.
Robin read a story about Clear Channel cutting jobs. Fred threw in a Gilbert Gottfried laughing clip while they talked about that. Howard sarcastically said that he hates to see a company like that having to fire people.
Robin read a story about a mother who was charged with being drunk while she was breast feeding her baby. Artie said that sounds like something you'd have to get drunk to do.
Robin read a story about Google hoping to get every book ever written put online. There are people against it of course.
Robin read about Jayson Williams still being hospitalized after he was arrested and tazered the other night. He's under suicide watch right now. His wife is filing for divorce because of that. Artie said that's great, the guy wants to kill himself and now his wife is leaving him.
Robin read that Broadway went dark last night as a tribute to Bea Arthur. They dimmed their lights for 60 seconds.
Robin had a story about the Albany Firebirds trying to get Michael Vick to sign with them. Artie said that's really sad.
Robin had some news about Chris Brown going to court over the charges he had after allegedly beating up Rihanna. Howard said he thought that she had a new guy who looked just like Chris Brown.
Howard mentioned that they just finished shooting a Beetlejuice special for Howard TV. They have him going out on patrol with the police and going out on a broken ATV. He also becomes a boxing trainer and goes out shopping for groceries. Howard said they have a whole season of shows. Howard said they have a whole episode of Beet grooming himself. They have him going out for an audition for ''Tiny Entourage.''
Robin got back to her news and read about Mia Farrow still being on her hunger strike. She's been on it since Sunday.
Robin read about that woman Susan Boyle who is on Britain's Got Talent and how she doesn't have that show tied up for the win. She said that there are a few people who could pull off the win. Robin said they have some cute kids on there that could win too. Robin said that she's shopping a book around but her 15 minutes of fame may be over very soon.
Robin read about Hugh Hefner having second thoughts about letting his wife Holly go. He's missing her and wants her back. Howard said that guy is one horny motherfucker. Robin said that Holly has broken up with Cris Angel too.
Robin read about the new Wolverine movie. Howard said it was a great one and among his favorites. He said that one of the reviews he read agreed with him. He said that the whole movie was great as far as he's concerned. Howard said he will even see it again. Hugh Jackman is going to be in tomorrow so he'll ask him about the movie.
Robin had some audio of Ryan Reynolds talking about doing the Wolverine movie. He was talking about doing his sword work. Howard said he was good in the movie. Howard said it was pretty intense and good stuff.
Robin had some audio of a director talking about working with Matthew McConaughey. They lasted about 3 seconds before cutting that off.
Robin read some news about the new Star Trek movie and had some audio of JJ Abrams talking about working on that movie.
Robin had a story about some Russian soldiers who caught some pirates off the coast of Somalia. She quickly went over that and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary said that Eric was great because he's stupid, disgusting, does dumb things and doesn't understand then and he does stupid things and does understand them at other times. Gary said it's kind of a crap shoot with what you're going to get with him.
Jon said that Eric tried to get Howard to hang up on Laura today and he did that by saying it wasn't her on the phone. Gary said that was like his retarded way of getting Howard to do that.
Jon asked what Eric's hair looked like. Gary said that it was very odd looking and it looked dyed to him. Benjy said that he claims he didn't dye it. Gary asked if they've ever seen that color on his head. Benjy said that's what pisses him off about Langford that he was saying that it was dyed and Eric claims it wasn't. Gary said his hair has never been that color though.
Gary and Benjy got into an argument about Eric's hair but Gary knew he was locked up in that Benjy vortex so they got out pretty quick.
Gary said that Eric called him after Angel called in last week and tried to explain to him what was going on so he told him fuck you and said he wasn't going to talk to him off the air. He said he hung up on him and Eric called back and said he would go on the air. That's the way they have to treat him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric is scary and he thinks that he could snap and hurt someone. Gary said he is out there. Gary said that Eric thought he was really good at sex when Howard asked him about it. The caller said that he thought he lasted a long time when he said he lasted 30 seconds.
Jon also said that Eric checked in at 333 pounds today. Gary said that Eric was flirting with 400 at one point in his life.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Eric is better on the show than he thought he was. The caller and the guys got into a discussion about a prank call they've played on the show where they use clips of Arnold Schwarzenegger doing his character John Kimble. Gary told the guy that it wasn't one of Sal and Richard's and they didn't steal that call like he claimed they did. Gary said it was just something they found on the web and use on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has a theory about Eric and he thinks that he's going to have to fuck more than one girl until he gets laid again. Gary said that there are many guys who married the first girl who gave them sex.
The caller asked if they think Eric is going to try and get money from that Angel chick after she got it from Artie. Gary said he doesn't think that he's going for the money. Gary said that he wants her and not the money.
The guys talked about some of the other things that Eric has done where he ripped people off and wondered if they knows what he's doing. Gary said he thinks that Eric knows exactly what he's doing when he does stuff like that.
Jon asked Benjy if he likes Eric. Benjy said ''not really.'' He said that he know she has a lot of struggles in his life and he thinks that even the voice he has is a psychological thing. Jon said that Eric is very personable when you meet him for the first time. Gary said that he liked him in the beginning but then he got to know him and found out how hard he is to deal with.
Benjy said that he wouldn't want to be buddies with him or anything. Gary said that he had to do some appearances for Heineken one time and High Pitch, Eddie the Produce Guy and Irish John were out with him and people were smelling something odd and it turned out to be Eric's clothing. Gary said the smell would permeate everything.
Shuli said Eric would wash his clothes in his bathtub. He also told a story about a scam that Eric pulled with the company that supplies them with the coffee machine there. He said he needed it for HPE productions. He got a woman to come down to deliver the machine but when she showed up the woman left because of the smell coming from the apartment. Eric got that machine installed eventually but just never paid them.
Shuli said that Eric is smart enough to put something like that together. He said he's really not that dumb. He said that when Ralph showed up to Eric's apartment for the first time he threw up out the window because of the smell.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the prank calls Sal and Richard have made Eric make. Gary was saying that they write all of his lines for him and he doesn't do them off the cuff. The caller was also asking Gary about the way he raises his kids and if they were named after a character in Cool Hand Luke. Gary said he didn't do that.
The guy was also asking if he's really afraid to leave his kids alone with Sal and Richard. Gary said that they have nothing but naked pictures in their office and he doesn't want them to see that kind of stuff at that young age. The caller said that his 11 year old has probably seen some porno by now. Gary said that he checks the history button in the computer and he would know if he has.
Gary said he thinks that he may have found some porn when he was about 9 years old. He said he thinks he found that one Playboy that his father had hidden in his dresser.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they can force Eric to not pronounce a hard C or K. He said that he sounds like he's got a huge lugie in his throat. Gary said that they can't stop him from doing that. He said that it's always rumbling around in there.
Gary said that Eric promised him that he was going to be there on time today and he showed up 30 minutes late. He said that if They had another guest in today then he would have had to cancel his appearance. Gary said that he would have been more upset with him if he hadn't performed on the air today like he did.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Eric playing with the fake vagina thing they gave him to demonstrate on. Benjy said he loved that his fingers went in the ass when he was demonstrating what to do to the clit.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric asked him to make a web site for his Craptacular special and he never promoted it. He said that he spent thousands of dollars on the site and he even made them wire him $250 so he could pay some phone bill and he thinks that he's the biggest piece of shit on the world. The guy said that he was going to follow the Craptacular with AtomicTurd.com and Eric never promoted it once. Gary seemed to remember that.
Benjy asked how Eric would have benefited from the site. Gary said it was just a way for Eric to get some money. Gary said he's heard stories of people just paying Eric's bills for him to get him to leave them alone.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if High Pitch's rent is subsidized. Gary said that Eric has a fairly wealthy family member who pays most of his bills. The caller said that Eric is definitely some kind of retard and he must be able to take advantage of some of the hand outs the government gives. Benjy said that he is on Medicaid. Gary said that Eric can work a job, he's worked them before.
Gary said that Eric got fired from his job at the airport doing security because he made a bomb threat. Shuli said he got fired from another job he had because he just left to do a show out in Las Vegas for a month.
Shuli said that something had to have happened to Eric. He said that when he was on the show the first time he was pretty normal and quick with his answers. Now he's acting like Nicholson after he had the lobotomy in ''One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.''
Another caller said that he wanted to puke thinking about Eric sticking his fingers in that chick. He said it was just gross. The caller also asked Benjy if he knew he was in In Touch Weekly. Benjy said he's been writing some jokes for them so he knew it was in there.
The caller asked where he got that SIRIUS hat he had on in there. Benjy said that he got one from Ross there and he's not sure if they sell them. Gary told Benjy he should promote that he's in that magazine. Benjy said he should start doing that.
Ralph called in and asked if Benjy was saying that he would quit if they moved him out of the studio. Benjy said that he doesn't like his job being played with. Ralph told him to just show up on time then. Benjy said he knows that he has to do that. Ralph said that Benjy is completely in control of that.
Ralph said that he had to turn off the radio this morning when Eric was talking because of that phlegm sound he makes. Ralph said that anyone who gets involved with Eric deserves what they get. He said that everyone knows what Eric is up to and you should know what you're getting involved with. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he feels okay throwing but then he doesn't feel okay. He said that he will get his act together this weekend. Gary said that he's not a pitcher so he has to do the natural throwing motion. He's trying to figure out what that is though.
Gary said that his son doesn't humiliate him when he's helping but he does give him some pointers. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he thinks that Gary is going to screw up. He said that his demonstration of his pitch today didn't look very good. Doug said he looks a little bit like Sal when he does the pitch.
Doug asked if he's going to throw from the pitcher's mound. Gary said he will throw from the rubber on the mound. He said that it's farther away than it looks on TV.
Gary said that he's going to be working with a guy this weekend at Bobby V's where they teach sports. Doug said he thinks that he could pick up a ball and drop it right in the strike zone. Gary asked him if he could do it if he was in front of 40,000 people.
Jon said he had a note that said Doug throws like a girl too. Doug said that they should get everyone together and get 10 guys from the show and throw pitches to see how they do. Doug said he'd be curious to see how that goes. He's pretty sure that Sal would be the worst. Benjy said that he pitched on his T-ball team when he was a kid. The guys told him that they don't pitch in T-ball.
Ralph called in and asked if Gary wanted him to be at the Mets game for moral support. Gary said that would really help.
Ralph said that he can throw snowballs so he thinks that a baseball wouldn't be much different. Jason said that he thinks that he could beat both Sal and Doug if they threw 60 feet 6 inches. Jason said he's heard that Doug is a horrible thrower. He said that's what he's heard but he's never seen him actually throw.
Doug said that they're going to do this shoot. Gary said they should do it in front of some fans. Gary threw in some names of people who should be pitching. Doug said they have to throw DePace in there because he thinks that he's a professional pitcher.
Will came in and said that Doug is a great hitter but he can't throw very well. He said that he has seen him throw in warm up in softball so he knows what it looks like. Will said that he really can't throw very far. He said that he doesn't throw like a girl like Jason does though.
Jason said that he's just going to go out there raw and throw. He's not going to get any pitching instruction like Gary is. Jon said that's not going to help anything.
Jason said that Gary did a decent job the first time he threw a pitch. Gary said he didn't really know what it was back then. He said he really had no idea what was going to happen that day and that the Mets were going to take the field at the same time he was running out there.
Sal came in and said that Gary always digs on him about his pitching. He said that if Artie trained him then he'd do the pitching thing. He said he can learn pretty quick. Sal said that's just not his forte but he could learn it.
Doug said that Eric the Midget could probably throw better than Sal. Sal demonstrated his pitching move in the studio and the guys got a laugh out of that. Jason said that Sal is worse than he is. Gary said it looked like Sal was shot putting the ball. Jason threw the ''ball'' back at him. He said that it was just a hackie sack ball.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they might be the worst collection of athletes he's ever seen. He said that he'd like to see them do a decathlon thing on the show and find the best athlete on the show. Gary said he has had suggestions to do things like they used to do on a TV show years ago. The caller said that he had better ideas and threw some of the events they could do. Jon said that not everyone is a bad athlete on the show. He said that Artie is an athlete and Fred is in shape too.
Jon said that he's a good athlete too but he wouldn't do very good at situps. Gary said that Artie would be good at some of the events but not running through tires and stuff.
Jason said they did a football thing for Howard TV a couple of years ago and he's not sure he can make it through another one of those things. Jason said that it brought him back to the worst moments in his life and he had to go back on Lexipro at that time because he felt so dejected and horrible at the time. He said he dropped the game winning touchdown and that brought him right back to the pills. Sal said he thought it was his weight and personality.
Sal said he saw one of Colin's fliers for his one man show that said they're taking cash only at the door when you go see his show. He said that kind of sums up where he is right now in his career.
Sal said that Levy puts on a great show so he's not sure why they were comparing Colin to him today. He said that if he was doing firehouse shows then maybe he would be at the bottom of the barrel.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows guys who are taking a break from sex and they're bone smoocher. He said that maybe Colin is too. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that's what's going on there. Gary said that he wanted to know more about this guy on the phone because he claimed he was a cop. Gary asked him if he has taken any sensitivity training. The guy said that when he sees what he sees out on the streets then all of that goes right out the window.
Gary said that it is unnatural for a guy to say he's not interested in sex. He doesn't think that he's gay though. Benjy said that Colin may have been overwhelmed in his life with things and that's why he's taking a break.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Colin was talking about taking that break. After the clip the guys talked about how Colin could still get laid without having a relationship. The guys said that it doesn't really take up that much time to get a chick. Gary said that it's really not that hard.
The caller was saying that Howard always says that he's the innovator for so many things and he thinks that Howard had the name for that many years ago and that was pig virus. Gary said that was a long way to go for a joke but it didn't work.
Jon talked to Benjy about what they were talking to him about earlier after a caller brought it up. Benjy said that he didn't want to talk about it on the air anymore. Gary said that they may have found a way to shut Benjy up and get him out of the vortex.
Another caller said that he thought Benjy looked horrible in that In Touch magazine picture. The guy said that he thinks that Benjy is afraid of Howard finding out about this second job he has. Benjy said that Howard knows about it and he was fine with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Colin is great when he does comedy and he's not sure why he would feel strange about himself being with women. That led to the guys talking about the hot chicks Colin had with him today. Sal said that you'd think that Colin would have uglier chicks with him if he was trying to stay away from sex. He said he needs two Lisa Gs or a Lisa G and a Lisa Lampanelli.
Another caller said that he thinks that the Wendy the Retard Twitter thing is great and maybe tomorrow they should do a Blue Iris Twitter tomorrow. The guys didn't that joke was that funny.
A caller went off on Benjy for not taking his job seriously and how it's his attitude that's going to get him kicked out of the studio. Benjy doesn't think that's the case and he treats people just fine. The caller asked Benjy why he can't just deal with this and act like a man. Benjy said he thinks that they're caught up in the Benjy vortex now. Gary said that even Benjy realized that.
Another caller asked Gary who his favorite comedians were when he was growing up. Gary said that Sam Kinison and Bill Cosby were great. He said that he also likes Jim Gaffigan who he's heard on Raw Dog lately. Gary said that George Carlin, Dave Attell and others are great too. Gary said that he liked Bill Hicks too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Benjy was on time today. Howard said that now they're cooking with juice. He said he heard him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he doesn't want Benjy blaming him for making his job bad. Howard asked if he understands that. Benjy wasn't saying much.
Howard played some of the audio of Benjy on the Wrap Up Show talking about how he could leave the show if Howard makes him take his job outside of the studio. Benjy doesn't like his job being messed with though. He said he agrees with what Howard wants him to do but he thinks that it has to be mutual and he could leave or Howard could get rid of him.
After playing the clip Howard said that Benjy was talking about Artie when he said he was being treated different than he is. Howard said that he never said that things were going to be fair there. He said that Artie is a different deal. He said he wants Benjy there on time and that's the value of his job.
Howard said that Benjy is not Artie. Artie is actually out sick today. Howard said he has a feeling about what Artie is doing today and he doesn't think he's sick. Howard said he has a show tomorrow and he's pretty sure that Artie will be at that show even though he's not there today.
Howard said he's asked Benjy not to race into the show like he's been doing since K-Rock and he still shows up late. Howard said that it's annoying when he shows up 38 minutes late. Benjy tried to explain that but Howard cut him off and said that it could turn into a mess if more people started showing up late.
Howard said that Artie is a mess and Benjy is not Artie. Howard said he's willing to put up with Artie's bullshit to a degree but he's going to have a breaking point with him eventually too. He said that he's been consistent with Benjy asking him to come in on time.
Howard said that Artie not coming in on time is not disruptive. Howard said that Benjy showing up late is disruptive. He said that if Jason and Will started doing that, it would be really disruptive. Howard said that JD comes in hours earlier than he's supposed to. He said that JD doesn't have to come in when he does but he has that initiative to do that and he's happy with that. Howard said he's spent too much time on this already so he had to get away from that.
Howard said he's seen Artie nodding off during the show and they all get tired, but Artie is almost dropping dead on his feet. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with the guy but he prays that he's okay. Howard said he's a wonderful guy and he's got a big heart. Howard said the guy has demons and he wishes that he could help him out somehow.
Robin said she doesn't think that he's even seeing the therapist like he claimed yesterday. She said that he said he's only going once a week and she doesn't think he's even going. She said he'd have to go more than once a week. Howard said his shrink wouldn't even treat a guy like Artie once a week. He said he'd have to go more often.
Robin said that it's too loosie goosie to her. Howard said it doesn't sound right to him either. Howard said that maybe the guy doesn't want to push Artie. Robin said that the guy would tell him not to play with him and he'd make him go more often if he was in therapy. Robin said she thinks it's all bullshit and he's not going.
Howard said that's more depressing to him than anything. Robin said he loves Artie and so does Howard. Fred said he's thinking that he's on Robin's side in this and this could be bad for Artie. He said that Artie might be giving them his version of the truth which is lying to the rest of them.
Howard said that Artie had a black eye or something and Artie claimed that it was from softball. Howard said that Artie lied to them about the last black eye he had and that turned out to be him falling down from doing drugs. Howard said maybe he's on the CIA and he's on a mission in his double life. Fred said maybe he's one of the X-Men.
Howard said maybe Artie is a heavyset James Bond. He said that's what the Howard TV guys should make as a TV special. A James Bond movie with Artie using the drug thing as a cover. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with the guy but he hopes he's okay. He said he really is a good man.
Robin said that they have to do with him what they did with Steve-O and just take him to rehab. Howard said that's something that his family is going to have to do. They can't pull that off themselves. They have no right to do that stuff.
Howard said he had Artie on the phone so he picked up on that. It was the guys in the back playing clips of Artie laughing and saying that nothing was wrong with him. Howard played along with that for a short time. ''Artie'' didn't have much to say about why he was actually out.
Howard and Robin joked about how he was ''Artie... Artie Bond'' and Fred played the James Bond movie theme music. Howard said he would watch that movie any day of the week. He said he should write a script for him. Robin said he might just do that.
Howard said he wasn't able to stay up and watch the results show for American Idol. He said he voted this week so he had a vested interest in finding out what went on. Howard said he's been voting since he got the Blackberry. Howard voted for Allison this week. He said he liked the performance and Simon was a little harsh on her.
Howard said as soon as she was finished he texted American Idol and he was told that he couldn't text in. He said he had a whole history of texts with them. He got the message saying that he couldn't vote until the end of the show. He said he didn't know that was the case.
Howard said he had it in his head that he wanted to have sex so it was driving him crazy. Howard said he told Beth she had to do something for him since they weren't having sex. He told her to put some cold cream on his schlong and do something. He said she used that on him and then he took over and wrapped things up himself. Howard said he was a big mess and they were both exhausted so it was all over the place. He said it was just bad. He said the stuff was everywhere but he didn't have time to clean up so he's still got that stuff on him.
Howard said Beth looked so good last night that he got all worked up. He said he wouldn't have even cared if she wasn't on her period.
Howard has been running a lot lately. He said he had to sit down on Tuesday after he ran 4 and a half miles. He said he usually runs on Wednesday with his youngest daughter and he had to cancel that run. They just went out to dinner instead. He said he felt guilty about that and offered to run 5 miles with her yesterday. He said then he had to actually go do it. He said she really works out a lot and she doesn't mess around so it wasn't easy. He said he's not getting any younger either so it's not so easy. Howard said it's just a matter of time before he's done.
Howard said he found more grey hair on his chest recently too. He said he's still got mostly black hair but there are a few greys in there.
Howard said Beth didn't know that he had voted. He said Beth didn't even believe that he had done it. Howard said it's fun. Robin said she was glad she wasn't there to see that. She only voted once herself and that was for Sanjaya.
Howard said this Allison is a 16 year old kid and Simon Cowell was really coming down on her. Howard talked about the gay dude on the show and how he reminds him of Mark Harris. He said he's like a silent film actor when he sees him.
Howard talked about the awful songs that they were singing on Idol this week. Howard said the songs were really bad and the Rat Pack stuff was just horrible even when it was new. Howard goofed on some of that stuff and said that they should just shut up. Howard said those guys weren't selling a lot of records. It was Rock and Roll that was selling records.
Howard said he could watch Paula Abdul on that show all day long. He said she's so disturbed looking and sounding on that show. Howard said she should be on drugs or something to help her out. Howard said she's very inarticulate and he's not sure what that's about. Howard said there is some interesting things going on with that show.
Howard said Randy Jackson was in Journey and it's funny to see that guy doing impressions of what black street kids sound like. Howard said it's like him doing an impression of a black guy when Randy is doing that impression. Robin said he's not cool either. Howard said that's right and made fun of the way he talks on that show.
Howard said Randy must be going somewhere to get those phrases he tries out on the show. He and Robin said that no one uses that ''dog'' term anymore. Howard said that started back in the 60s and no one is using that anymore.
Howard talked about Simon Cowell and the rest of the judges and how none of the others really matter other than Simon. Howard said he did vote on the show so they did suck him into that.
Howard said he's so in love with his phone that he looks for things to do with it. That's why he was voting. Howard said he's not playing chess anymore and he's just using the phone. Howard said he's afraid to tell his chess teacher why he's not taking classes now. He's in love with that phone and it's embarrassing.
Howard said Ralph sent him a shitty email about the apps he's using on his Blackberry. Howard said Ralph thinks that Apple invented apps and that's why Blackberry apps aren't that great. Howard said he can't use the iPhone without a keyboard. He said he can't type on that fake keyboard. Howard said that he knows guys who have iPhones and they go to check their email and it takes minutes to open sometimes.
Robin said that she goes into the app store and doesn't have time to find anything. Meanwhile Howard is downloading apps all the time. Howard said he was showing Robin and Tim how to get that stuff yesterday. Robin said she hasn't had time to use any of them yet.
Howard said he'd like to look like that himself but he'll never get there. He said that when he bench presses in the gym he puts on two 25 pound weights and that's it. Howard said guys will help him out in the gym and ask if he wants more weight but he'll just say he worked out hard the day before so he couldn't take more.
Gary asked Howard if he's comfortable at that weight and doesn't he want to add more. Howard said sometimes he does put more on but he goes right back to the 25. He said it can get hard to even do that. Howard said he runs before he lifts so he's worn out.
Howard said he's had guys tell him that it looks like he's running too much. He said he's exhausted from doing what he does. He said he'll do 200 of something once in a while. Sometimes sit ups. He said he does cheat when he does them though. It's hard and he gets tired from doing it. Howard said he's putting the hard hours in and he still looks like he does. He said he knows he'd be a mess if he didn't work out harder.
Eric was on the phone too so Howard asked him if that was true. Eric said that he was the one who called the guy, not Howard. Howard said he was the one who contacted Robert Mills. Eric said that he was the one who nailed down the appointment. Howard said he set the whole thing up but Eric just made the appointment. Howard said this is the last thing he's ever doing for him.
Johnny said that he told Robert Mills that he will get Eric down there for the 13th and make sure he gets him there even if he has to put him in his trunk.
Eric said that he didn't fuckin' lie to Howard. Eric said he had every intention of going down there but he didn't want to miss the date but he didn't have the money to cover the ticket. Johnny stopped Eric and said that he asked him if he could go during American Idol and Eric was the one who changed that. Howard said that Eric blew the guy off because he wanted to go down for the Idol finale. Eric said he was trying to kill two birds with one stone.
Robin told Eric he can't do stuff like that because it's not professional. Howard said that Robert had changed his whole schedule for him and he waited until the last minute to let the guy know he wasn't going to be there. Eric said that Robert woke him up that day and he was going to call him. Howard said that was at the last minute though.
Eric said that he had to get rid of a loser in the JFSC. Howard told him to pay attention to him, not the JFSC. Howard told Eric that he got him a meeting with a major player in the industry. He said he got him the meeting and he set it up and then that day he was going to cancel. He said that's not right. He said the guy canceled major meetings to make sure he could meet Eric. He said this is the lamest excuse to change a meeting. He said it's insane.
Howard said that Eric doesn't want to be an actor. Robin said that he wants to be an audience member at American Idol. Johnny said he didn't know that.
Howard said that Eric blamed Johnny for changing things. Johnny said he made the suggestion for the Idol date thing but he didn't know about this meeting he had. Howard said Eric told him a different story yesterday. Eric said he didn't lie to anyone. Howard said that's crazy.
Eric said that he wanted to wait to see if there were going to be tickets to go down there yesterday but Johnny didn't let him know in time. He said that Johnny waited to long to let him know. Eric said that he needed one week's notice to go down there. Johnny asked him why he didn't let him know a week before. Eric said he gave the guy a week's notice.
Howard said he thinks that he sees the problem. He said that Eric is saying that Johnny didn't book the ticket sooner for him. Johnny said they can book a ticket in a minute. Johnny said that Eric is the one who brought up the American Idol thing, not him. Howard said that Eric should have blown off the Idol thing and just gone to this meeting. Howard said he doesn't understand what's going on but told Eric not to blow it with this guy. Gary came in and said that they have to go to break because Mr. Jackman just came in. They went to break after that.
Howard said he didn't know that Hugh was one of the producers on the movie. Hugh said he'd not getting anymore of the money than he would get as just being an actor. Hugh said he had he had the idea of the movie in his head for years so he wanted to be a producer.
Howard asked Hugh to drop his ''phony accent'' and just talk normal. That led to him asking him how he gets rid of it for the movies. Hugh said he has a speech coach that helps him out with that stuff. He said he has to learn his lines and figure out how to do the words. He said that the worst ones are the words with ''IGH'' in them. He said he had to re shoot some scenes that he screwed up some of the words in.
Hugh said that he hadn't even heard of the X-Men when he was growing up. Howard said he was a huge fan. Howard asked Hugh about how he wasn't the first choice for Wolverine. Hugh said that the original guy was Doug Ray Scott and he got Mission Impossible 2 at the time and he missed out on doing the part. Hugh said that the guy was too late and he ended up getting the part instead. He said he got hired 3 weeks into the shoot.
Howard said that the X-Men movies have been great and he thinks that he's great as Wolverine. Howard asked if he had to convince them that he could play the part because he had been doing so many musicals and things. Hugh said that he was actually a little tall for the part because the character in the comic books was only 5'3'' tall. He said that he was small but ferocious.
Howard asked Hugh about his work out routine because he can never get the size that Hugh gets. Howard said he gets titties and a belly if he gains any weight. Hugh said that you have to eat a ridiculous amount when you work out. Howard said things are different for him than they are for Hugh.
Hugh said that he has a guy he works out with and he was working out 6 days a week. He was doing an hour and a half in the morning and a half hour in the afternoon. He said it was very intense though. Robin didn't think it was that much.
Howard asked Hugh how much he was bench pressing. He said that he was doing 300 pounds but only 3 or 4 reps. He said that you do less weight and faster reps later on.
Howard asked Hugh about getting naked for the movies and how he doesn't seem to be afraid to show his penis. Hugh said that he got a bag full of the film that had shots of his dick in it for a gift when the film wrapped. Howard asked if his penis is a good size. Hugh said that he thinks it's pretty good sized.
Howard asked if he's okay with showing it because it's pretty big. Hugh said that it's fine and said that it's probably over 6 inches. Hugh said that he does think about the scene but they will want to tape things on to him and he'd just rather be nude.
Howard said he would never be on a movie naked because he's pretty small when he's not hard. Howard said it does grow a little bit but it's pretty small most of the time.
Howard said that having a big penis must be great. Hugh said that everything is fine with him. There have been no complaints from his wife.
Hugh said that he was only 155 pounds in high school and they used to call him ''sticks'' because he was so thin. In the movie he was another 10-15 pounds heaver and he was eating 5000 calories a day to maintain that.
Howard asked Hugh about his background because he was reading that in the first 18 months of his life his mother wasn't there for him. His mother was depressed. Then she came home and stayed for another 6 years and then spilt town. Hugh said that she went to England and he only saw her once a year. Howard said he must have been completely screwed in the head from that. Hugh said that it was pretty bad. He said he felt a bit weird, almost like a leper.
Hugh said that there are six kids in the family and he's spoken to his mother about it and she'd say that it was like she was a different person back then. She freaked out and left. Hugh said he has two kids himself and he can understand that now.
Howard asked why she went to England. Hugh said that she went to look after her own mom and thought she was going to come back. She ended up staying with her mom and took care of her for a while. She said that she ended up getting married to another guy over there.
Howard asked Hugh if he wants attention because his mother wasn't there to look after him. Hugh said that Bono once said that anyone who has to go on stage in front of 70,000 people to get attention must have something wrong with them.
Hugh said that he sees his mother all the time now. He said that they've worked everything out since then. He said that things got better once he had kids of his own. Hugh said that the day she left he felt something was wrong. Then his brothers and sisters came home and he asked where mom was. He said he thought she was in England and his dad sent him to his room. Then his father went in and got the note that she left on the bed and said that he was right. Hugh said he and his mother had that connection where he knew that something was wrong.
Howard asked if his mom and dad had marriage problems. Hugh said that they probably shouldn't have gotten married but she did have some mental issues and she ended up in the hospital for about a year or so.
Hugh told Howard about how he met his wife in a movie and how he had wanted to get married within just weeks but held it off for months. He said that he invited her to meet his father and he asked his dad if he though that it was a paternal thing that he fell for her so quickly. His father was thinking that he might be going to fast with her because it happened so fast.
Howard asked Hugh about how many chicks he got to bang before his wife. Hugh said that he got his share of women. He said he didn't start until he was about 18. He said that his father was full on Christian and he had the fear of god in him so he held off on doing anything for a while.
Howard said that Hugh could have gotten to bang teachers. Hugh said there were some he wanted to but he didn't get to do any. He said that he thought about Mrs. Pennington.
Howard asked Hugh about Halle Berry walking around nude on the set of Swordfish. Hugh talked about that and how they kept canceling the shoot. He said that she was comfortable naked after the three days.
Howard asked Hugh if he thinks about all of the chicks that he could get now. He said that his wife is hot but he could be getting more. Hugh said that he loves his wife and he doesn't think that he'd be able to do other women. He said he has been attracted to others though.
Howard asked about Halle Berry and how hot she was. Hugh said that she was really beautiful in person. Howard said that Hugh is way into his wife. Hugh said that he and Deb talk about how hot women look to him and his wife will say ''I know'' when he brings up how hot someone is.
Hugh said that there's one scene in Swordfish where they shot a scene with John Travolta and Halle Berry. He said that they were doing a rehearsal with John where he comes in and finds them in bed together. John did the rehearsal and said ''Holy shit look at the body on that girl!'' That wasn't his line but he just let it out because that's what everyone was thinking.
Howard asked Hugh if he's still friendly with John Travolta. Hugh said that they are and he did send a letter to him about the death of his son and he just heard from him recently that he's just now getting back to people after trying to get through the tough times.
Howard asked Hugh if he gets a boner when he's doing love scenes. Hugh said that he does get a halfie once in a while.
Howard said that he got hard when he was doing the scenes with his movie wife. Howard said that he loved it too.
Hugh said that he did a love scene with his wife's best buddy and that was really weird. Howard said that he knows of people who have demanded penetration in scenes. Howard said she thought that it was going to be more real if they did that.
Howard said he loved this Wolverine movie. He said that the whole movie was good and they had great people in it with him. Howard said that they had people like Liev Schreiber. Howard talked to him about some of the cool scenes in the movie and how they shot some of that stuff.
Howard read that Hugh turned down the role of the Hulk but Hugh said that's not true. He said that he wished he had taken the role in Chicago that Richard Gere had taken. He said that he actually told them that they should go with him and now he regrets not taking it.
Howard asked Hugh if he has a lot of people who think that he's gay because of the roles he's had where he's played a gay man. Hugh said that he had someone yell out in a play that he shouldn't kiss a guy in a scene. He said that the guy yelled out ''Don't do it Wolverine!''
Hugh said that it's not a big deal in most of the world but it turns into a big deal here in the U.S. Hugh said that it's rare to have anyone say anything to him.
Howard asked Hugh if he got nervous before doing the Oscars. He said he was nervous about 6 weeks before. He said that about 10 years ago he got really nervous when he had to do the national anthem in front of a stadium. He said that he got really nervous before that. After that he's never really had a problem performing in front of a big crowd. Howard said he would shit his pants if he had to do stuff like that.
Howard read that Hugh has OCD and asked him about that. Hugh said that it was much worse about 10 years ago than it is now. He said he used to have to tap his knee like 5 times. Hugh said that meditation has helped him out with all of that. He's into the same Transcendental Meditation that Howard is into. Hugh said that he started doing that 15 years ago.
Howard said he's been doing that TM thing for 37 years now. He told Hugh about the concert he was at recently and how he was there for that. Hugh told Howard how he got started in it as well.
Howard asked Hugh where he lives. Hugh said he lives in the West Village now and he just spent a big chunk of change there. Howard said he has to go down and check that place out. Howard said that he could bang Robin there to prove that he's not gay too.
Hugh said that his wife has many ways to spend their money. Howard said that he and Hugh actually had drinks together one night when they went out with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn. Hugh said that he was sad for them but it wasn't that big of a surprise.
Howard found out that Hugh was going to be going to see Oprah Winfrey too. He asked him to say hi to Gayle King for him since he knows her. Hugh talked about talking to Oprah and how the first question she'll ask is ''what's the most important thing in the world to you?'' Howard said he should tell her that she should calm down with that when she's not on the air.
Howard asked Hugh if he smokes weed. Hugh said that he used to when he was younger but not anymore. He went on to talk about the Oprah thing and how she just stopped this dinner party and told everyone to stop because they were having the greatest conversation in the world. She made him tell everyone what they were talking about.
Howard said that's weird behavior and she has to be the center of attention all the time. Hugh said he doesn't think that she's that calculating. He said that she's just interested in people and that's the way she handles it. Howard asked Hugh to say hi to Oprah and told him to let her know that they could have some great conversations if they ever got to sit down and talk.
Howard said that the biggest interview they ever had was Paul McCartney. Hugh asked him if he had anything that he wasn't allowed to talk about with him. Howard told him that they don't have guests like that on this show.
Howard told Hugh about how he had a caller tell him that he had gotten a copy of the movie on DVD before it was done. He said that the movie studio found out about it and asked him not to watch it. Howard said that the movie companies could go bankrupt because of this internet stuff getting out there. Howard said the movie business is the coolest out there and he doesn't want to see that happen.
Howard said that the movie was great and he really enjoyed it. Hugh said that he had to get going over to Good Morning America after this and he was going from Howard Stern to Diane Sawyer. He joked that she'll have the same questions for him.
Hugh said that he's seen fans out there who are saying they didn't download the movie because they want to see it in the theaters. He said they gave a guy tickets to the premiere because they saw the guy holding a sign up saying that he was going to wait until Saturday to see it.
Howard told Hugh to ask Diane Sawyer if she's wearing panties this morning. Robin said that would go over very well.
Howard asked Hugh if that hair on his head was real. Hugh said it is. Howard asked if he ever looks in the mirror and is just amazed at how good he looks. Hugh said that he never does that. He said he's been lucky with the way he looks. He said he never needed braces or anything.
Howard told Hugh about how he runs a lot and Hugh told him that's a waste of energy. He said that if you're a sprinter then you're good. He said that anyone who runs long distances is going to be too skinny. He said as long as you feel good then it's all good.
Howard wished Hugh luck with the new movie and said he hopes it all works out. He said that it was a great movie and a great script. He said the movie, ''X-Men Origins: Wolverine,'' opens this week all over the country. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked Robin if there is any part of him that looks as good as Hugh Jackman. He figured maybe his feet were better. Robin said maybe to that.
Howard said it was great having Hugh in there. He said that he had met him one night out with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn. Howard said that they had John and Hugh at the table and poor Beth had to look at him. He said he figured that Beth couldn't have been thinking she had a prize with her that night.
Howard asked Robin who is the better looking man, Hugh or John Stamos. Robin said that John is stunning. She said she almost fainted one time when she saw him out one night.
Howard asked Robin if there is anyone above John Stamos that she ants. Robin said that Brad Pitt is one guy who is above John. Howard asked her why she didn't come down there to see Brad while he was shooting down in the lobby last night. Robin said she should have.
Howard said Robin should have worn that dress with the sleeves attached to the rest of the dress. He said that would have impressed Brad if she had shown up. Robin said she has a new dress that has just one sleeve attached. She could have worn that.
Howard took a call from a guy who saw the Wolverine movie and loved it. He said he thought it was better than Iron Man just like Howard did. Howard said that he loves all of these movies. He said he actually watched Iron Man this weekend again so it was fresh in his mind.
Another caller said that Hugh was pretty cool. He was hoping to tell Hugh that he was one of the ones who was holding off on spreading that movie around with his Mexican people.
Howard and Robin were laughing at what they were hearing from these people. There were people saying that they'll never go back to Popeye's again after this.
Howard said that was up in Rochester, NY that the report came from. One of the women in the clip had gone from one place to another one just to try and get the chicken. Howard asked if their chicken is that good. Robin didn't know. She said he had never been to one.
Howard said that Hugh apparently Twittered Oprah about getting together for dinner and he doesn't get how he knows it's really her.
Richard came in and said that he had to email the people at Twitter because someone was on there pretending to be him. Howard said that a lot of people don't last long on that Twitter thing and they get sick of it. Oprah Winfrey is apparently tired of it herself. Howard said he doesn't care enough to follow anyone on Twitter and he's not sure that they'd be the real people anyway.
Howard read some news about Twitter and how 60 percent of people get tired of it and quit within a month. Howard said he was done with it after about 3 hours.
Howard said Gary is getting nervous about the pitch he's throwing out at the Mets game next weekend. Howard said he saw there was a video of the 10 worst pitches ever thrown. Gary said that his won't be that bad. Howard said that George Bush threw one out and threw it very well when he did that. Howard said he had to do it with a bullet proof vest on.
Howard said that he was reading that there is no HowardStern.com in Dubai. He said that the site is censored out over there. Howard said that when you put that in over there you get some Arabic writing instead.
Howard said he also had a clip of David Cohen saying ''jerking off'' during a baseball game. It was an announcer just throwing the line out there while talking about a pitcher.
Howard had another clip of a reporter saying ''shitting down pipes'' instead of ''shinnying down drain pipes.''
Howard had another one where a reporter said ''cocksucker'' while reporting on a hockey game. He thought he was recording the report but it was a live report. The news anchor said that it was a bit of a blooper and just moved on. Howard said those guys have to know that they're on TV when they're doing that stuff. Howard said maybe he thought he was doing a practice take or something. Howard said he never lost it like that when he was on radio.
Howard said this guy Digger Phelps said ''shit'' during a sports discussion on some show. He played that clip as well. He meant to say ''shoot'' and the shit slipped out.
Howard had a CNN anchor saying ''love cock'' instead of the last name of Lovoff or something like that. There was another clip where some women were talking about some products that were for sale and they let out ''cock'' instead of ''clock'' at one point.
Howard said that he had a ton of clips to play. He had a CNN reporter saying penis instead of peanuts. He read off the list of some other things that he had in there as well. Howard said that there was someone on CNN who said ''fuck Punxsutawney Phil.'' Robin wanted to hear that one. Howard played that and the guy said ''Fuck'' instead of ''Punx.'' There was another reporter who said ''Jeff Cunt'' instead of Jeff Hunt.
Howard played another clip where this guy was cursing off camera and threatening to blow someone's fuckin' head off as they were doing a live report over in Ireland. Howard said they're apparently uptight over there like they are here.
Howard said he heard that the FCC is going to still be able to go after stations for using dirty words thanks to the Supreme Court. Robin said that they're still going to be able to fine for fleeting expletives. Howard said that's all good for satellite and he's kind of glad that they're upholding that.
Howard said that he hates that Hugh Jackman has a big penis as well as the good looks. Howard said that it's just not right. He said he'd love for Robin to bang him and let him know if he's a bad lay.
Howard played another clip of the reporter saying penis instead of peanuts while doing a report about food on an airline. Gary said that she actually does it twice in that report. Howard let it play and she did screw up that second time with the penis slip.
Howard asked if Tim is going to be there too. Robin said she doesn't think he'll be joining them. Gary came in and said that he's sensing a crack in the armor between Tim and Robin. He said he invited him to a baseball game and Tim didn't want to go because of the food that's there. Gary said they have some amazing food at the new stadium. He said it's all great food for stadium food and Tim didn't want to be tempted.
Gary said that Tim has his food lined up for the day on his desk from what he's heard. He said he has the bottles of drinks all over his desk with post-it notes on him. Gary said that would be depressing for him.
Tim came in and said that he didn't want to be around the food. He's still working on that whole thing and he doesn't want to be swayed. Tim said he's feeling really good and he doesn't want to screw that up.
Howard asked Tim if he has slipped at all. Tim said ''not at all'' a lot. He kept repeating that line so Howard pointed that out. It didn't stop Tim from saying it.
Tim said that he hasn't been doing the enema thing in about a month. Robin said that he was doing it religiously in the beginning. Tim said that he hasn't done that one thing, that's it. He said he hasn't been able to go out and get the coffee to do that. Tim said he was never in the coffee thing.
Tim said that he never bought coffee before so he didn't know where to get it. Robin told him that he can get it right down the block from where he lives. Tim said that's the great thing about the city and he's always finding new stuff. He said that he doesn't have a lot of time to ding around the city though.
Robin said that she can actually see Howard's place from her place and she wants him to shine a flashlight or something so she can see his apartment. Howard said Robin has lost her mind.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is the greatest broadcaster ever. The caller had a weird phone connection so he revealed that he had to smoke in the bathroom and that's why it sounded weird at first. The guy said that he didn't want his roommates to smell that so that's why he was in there. Howard let the guy go when he found out that Iron Sheik was there. He had to go to break before bringing him in.
Howard came back and said that the Iron Sheik was there with his manager. He's there to promote the release of his roast DVD. Howard said that Sheik got all mad and slapped a guy at the roast. Howard said that he'd play some of it for them later.
Howard had the Sheik come in after that. Sheik gave him a copy of the DVD when he came in. Howard said that when you're at a roast you can't smack a guy. Sheik said it was good to see him today. He said that it was good to see Fred and Benjy too. Howard told him that Artie isn't there today. Sheik told Howard he should tell Artie that she should be there and maybe he should smack him like he did to Brian Blair.
Sheik said he slapped Brian Blair and someone else at the roast as well. Howard asked if he invited Brian there. Sheik said he didn't invite him. Howard said that he sounded kind of slow. Sheik said that he is slow. Sheik came in nice and calm but he was slowly getting more and more worked up as he was talking about this stuff.
Howard asked if Sheik's manager was there with him. Sheik said that Jabronie was there with him. Howard asked him to come in because he wanted to talk to him about the roast because he was the worst roaster there.
Sheik's manager, Eric Sims, came in so Howard asked him why he roasted him. Eric said they wanted to hear some stories about him being with Sheik for the past 20 years. He said the problem wasn't his jokes, it was just the way they worked things out there at the roast that day.
Howard played some audio of Eric roasting Sheik. Howard said he says a lot of insulting things about Sheik in this clip. Howard played it and we heard Eric bombing with all of his jokes. He was getting heckled and told that he sucks while he was doing the roast. People were yelling out ''You suck!'' and ''Fuck you!'' while he was going through his awful jokes.
Sheik said that he's told often that he's great on Howard TV and Howard Stern's radio show. He said he hears that all the time. Howard said that Sheik is so full of energy and Eric is always saying that he needs to go to the hospital. Eric said that he's a drug addict at home but when he's out with him he's fine.
Sheik said that he just smokes a little bit of weed and that's it. Eric asked if he was in the hospital the other day. Eric said that he spends all of his money at home on drugs. Sheik said that he has no money. He spends ''20 dollar'' on that and that's it. That's not all of his money. Eric said that Sheik is always asking him for money. Sheik called Eric a dumb son of a bitch and a dumb fuck and asked him what he was talking about.
Howard asked if Sheik is making money. Eric said of course he is. He said that Sheik gets paid and takes that money and spends it on drugs. Sheik said that Eric takes half his money. Howard asked if that's true. Eric said he's not stealing his money. He said that Sheik goes home with his money. Howard asked if it's 50 percent. Eric said they split the money on the pictures they take. That's what Sheik is talking about. Sheik said that they come to see him, not that ugly son of a bitch.
Howard asked Sheik why he doesn't fire the guy. Sheik said that something is better than nothing. The two of them were arguing with each other and yelling back and forth. Howard said he heard that Eric was in school again. Eric said that he is so he can go out and get a real job. He said that the economy is screwing him up so he has to get a real job.
Howard asked Eric how much a Polaroid would cost. Eric said that it's between 10 and 20 dollars depending on where they are. Sheik said that it's 20 dollars and he doesn't know why he was saying it was 10-15.
Howard said that Sheik should be watching his finances himself and he has to take some of the blame for this if he doesn't fire the guy. Sheik said that's true. He said that Eric isn't being right about the drugs though.
Howard asked how much money Sheik gets per week. Eric said that he gets his guarantee when they make appearances. He said that they also have some other kinds of money they get. Sheik said that he doesn't always make money. Eric said that he always gets his half from him. Sheik said that he doesn't get it all the time. He said that he's not booking him enough. Eric said that if they have a guarantee at an event then he gets that money and he gets between 10 and 20 percent and a booking fee.
Howard read that Sheik was hospitalized for chest pain last week. Sheik said that they tested him. Howard said he heard that he was doing drugs and drinking. Eric told him to be honest. Eric said that he was smoking in the hospital. Sheik denied that.
Eric said that he's at fault there. He said that he's enabling Sheik when he gives him that money. He said that he tries to keep him happy by giving that money to him and he's not helping him.
Howard asked Sheik if he saw that movie ''The Wrestler.'' Sheik said he heard they stole one of his gimmicks in the movie so he didn't see it. Eric said it wasn't his gimmick, it was just a similar thing. Howard said he heard that Sheik was going to be used in the movie but they decided not to use him. Sheik said that they used his gimmick anyway.
Eric said that movie was dead on about how the wrestling business is. Sheik said they were going to use him for the movie but they changed their minds.
Sheik said that he heard that his gimmick was stolen. Eric said that he hasn't even seen the movie so he wouldn't know. Howard said he really does have to see the movie.
Howard said he heard that Hulk Hogan is broke now. Sheik said he's not surprised by that. He said that Hogan isn't a good man and talked about him sleeping with his daughter's friend and what his son did and how he was treated when he worked with him. He said that Hogan is a two faced son of a bitch.
Howard heard that they're going to have an iPhone app. Sheik said that he heard about that but he hasn't made anything yet. Eric said they're still working on it.
Howard said the Iron Sheik has this new DVD out where he's roasted and Sheik didn't know that they were supposed to be making fun of him in the roast.
Howard had some audio clips of Artie on the phone. The guys played Artie saying that Sheik was a pot smoking fag which got Sheik all wound up. Sheik was yelling at him and saying that he would fuck his ass with his 10 inch cock which would make him a piece of shit. The guys were getting Sheik all worked up playing those clips and Sheik was freaking out screaming at him. Howard told Sheik that it was just tape of Artie. Sheik calmed down a little bit after that.
Howard had clips of Ed Torian on the line next. The guys had him asking Sheik if he had ever used the N-word. Sheik said that he has used it before. He said that he will only use it if someone doesn't respect him.
Howard had Hulk Hogan on the line next. It turned out to be High Pitch Eric though. Eric told Sheik to suck his dick and Sheik freaked out on him thinking it was Hulk. Howard let the two of them go off on each other for a short time. Sheik even went off on Hulk's ex-wife and said that she was a gold digger just like his own wife was.
Howard asked Sheik if he's still married. Eric said that he is still technically married. They haven't signed any divorce papers yet.
Howard had audio clips of Gary on the phone next. The guys had Gary telling him to go fuck himself and take another hairbrush in his ass. That got Sheik all worked up again. Gary actually came into the studio at the same time and Sheik didn't have a clue that he was talking to audio clips.
Gary asked Sheik if he knows who Kurt Angle is. Sheik knows who he is and how he left his company. Gary said that Kurt was in there a couple of months ago and he was saying that he doesn't have an Olympic medal and he never even wrestled in the Olympics. Sheik said that he did. Eric said that he was in something back in 1972. Sheik said he was there in 1972 when some people were killed. Gary said Kurt Angle says that's not true. Sheik said fuck him.
Howard asked Sheik what happened to his book deal with the WWE. Sheik said that he went back and forth with Mr. McMahon about that. He said they didn't want him talking about all of his party days and things like that. Eric said that they were afraid if libel and slanderous stuff in the book too so they just backed out of doing it.
Eric said that Sheik has one more year on his WWE Legends contract. Once they're out of that they're going to do the book on their own.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was pretending to be a wrestler who was bad mouthing Sheik. That didn't get Sheik going that much though. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and got to Mike Walker. They spent a short time talking about the National Enquirer and how great they think that is. Howard asked if it's true that Brad Pitt really wants to leave Angelina. Mike said he doesn't think that's the case at all. He said that everything the do ends up in the paper though.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard talked about the whole Blue Iris thing and what Shuli thinks is going on there. Shuli said that part if it is money but the other part is that he loved his wife and he doesn't want to let her go.
Shuli said that the agent that Artie had for his book ''Too Fat To Fish'' has been let go from his talent agency but Artie says he's going to be sticking with the guy no matter what.
Shuli had some other news about some news reports about Howard that a gay web site had. They said that Howard Stern is supporting them and they think he's one of the greatest broadcasters out there.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about Hugh Jackman for a short time during that.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they have Steve Grillo coming in. They'll also be talking about Eric the Midget and what's been going on with him this week. Howard said he really didn't think Eric was going to screw up this deal. Mutt said they'll be talking about High Pitch Eric and one of the girls who has had problems with Eric will be a guest on the show this week. He said that she'll probably want to talk about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to play the 2 minute long ''Huuuuuge'' clip. Howard said he's been spooked into not playing it by the fans. He plays the one that's longer than the original but he can't play the full 2 minute long clip. He did play some of it but said he could tell that people would tune out if he kept going.
Robin got into her news and read a story about a high school nurse who died shortly after saving a man's life. The 59 year old died after giving CPR to a softball coach.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he thinks he has the swine flu. Howard said that there are going to be a lot of psychological reactions to this flu. He said that if he had a cough or something he'd probably feel the same. Robin said that's like that woman who was doing the news report about the flu and started to cough in the middle of it.
Howard replayed the clip to remind everyone what they were talking about. He asked Jeff what his symptoms were. Jeff said he was at a bar last night and he fucked a pig (Insert Rim shot). Jeff was just joking. Robin said that there are people who are going to be taking Tamaflu to try and prevent it but it will not prevent it. It will help if you do get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is going to pursue getting a statue erected at Boston University. Howard said he would never pursue that but he wouldn't mind it if they put one up. Howard said he liked the school but there was one guy there who hated him. He said that he has donated some money to the school and he's probably the most famous person to graduate that place. Howard said that Bill O'Reilly went there but Howard thinks that he's 50 billion times more successful than O'Reilly.
The caller asked Howard if he would do a guest judge thing on American Idol. Howard said he would go on there, absolutely. Howard said he judges them when he watches the show every week so why not go there and do it? Howard said he even voted by texting this week.
That led to Robin reading some news about last night's American Idol and playing some audio clips of Ryan Seacrest saying goodbye to Matt Gerard. Robin had some audio of Jamie Foxx on Idol as well. Jamie was talking about how he was mentoring some of the kids and he saw some of the most talented kids he's seen in the last 5 years. Jamie had said that they should ''support these cats'' when referring to the contestants. Howard said he likes that he's using that word because people think that he's old fashioned when he uses ''cats'' talking about people.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks that we should close our borders. Howard said that we really should because that's the way they did things many years ago. They used to keep people in quarantine if they thought they had disease.
Robin read that a toddler that died this week had gone through the border down in Texas earlier this month. Robin said they should spread the rumor that there is swine flu at the border and that would keep people out.
Howard said that not one person in the email enjoyed High Pitch Eric's appearance yesterday. He read through some of those and people were saying that they should keep him off the show because he's going to hurt someone some day and he's going to use the show as a shield. There was one guy who was suffering from PTSD who said that he can't believe he defended this country to keep Eric safe.
Howard read some stuff about Eric the Midget too. There was a lot of feedback about his call yesterday. Howard said they also had some suggestions for Robin and how she should keep her phone away from her equipment in the studio because the phone's GSM service is going to make that buzzing sound that Howard heard yesterday.
Robin read some news about the Craigslist killer. She had some details on what's going on with him and his fiancee. Their wedding has been postponed indefinitely now. Howard said he'd be out the door if someone did something like that.
Robin read a story about Elizabeth Edward's new book coming out. Howard said that John Edwards sounds like a nut from what he's read. He said that he might be as bad as Bernie Madoff but in a different way. Howard said that the guy was cheating on his wife while she was dying of cancer. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that. Howard said the guy has to be insane for doing that and then trying to run for President. Robin said that she claims that he's still with her and she feels like the most beautiful woman in the world when he looks at her. Howard said the guy must be a great liar.
Robin read a story about Mel Gibson's church that he built on his own property. She said that now he's left his wife for another woman and showing up to events with her. Howard said that it's great how you can change the rules in a religion to suit yourself like that. He said that's what's great about religion. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about Gibson and his wacky behavior.
Robin said that Mel showed up to the premiere of Wolverine and a publicist was walking behind them with the correct spelling of her last name.
Robin said that Chris Brown may get off of the charges of domestic violence because the pictures of Rihanna were released. It showed misconduct on the behalf of the LAPD according to his lawyer. They're going to look into that and he may get off.
Robin read a story about the Octomom and how she's been interviewed about the injuries that one of her kids had. She managed to miss the injuries on one of her 14 kids. Octomom, Nadya Sulemon, claims that her son got the black eye at school or maybe at home from running into something. She didn't know for sure.
Howard said he couldn't stand sharing the house with his sister and he can't imagine having 13 other brothers and sisters in the house. Howard said that there aren't enough psychiatrists in this world to cure you after going through something like that.
Robin read that Mexico City is being shut down for a few days. They're trying to stop the spread of the swine flu virus. Howard said that most people work and they can't do that there in New York.
Gary came in and said that there were a bunch of people at the Mets game the other night wearing medical masks. He said that a lot of them were Asian. Howard said he could never walk around in that mask. Gary said that the masks aren't even effective because the virus is airborne and it could actually enter through your eyes.
Robin said there's a swine flu scam going on. There are emails going around saying that you can get tips and prevention products for the flu. They're not real of course.
Howard said they have a swine flu beauty pageant coming up. He said that they'll have that coming up right after the Beetlejuice reality show on Howard TV. Howard said they'll be judged on their looks and their temperature. Robin said that this swine flu is at the second level warning for a worldwide pandemic.
Howard told Eric to do what he wants. He told Eric to just go to the meeting, no one cares if he's lying or not. Eric said that he's not lying and he's done looking like a liar on this show. Howard said he looks like a maniac. Howard said he blew off a meeting with the VP of ABC TV so he could be at the finale for American Idol.
Robin asked Eric if he's losing it. Eric said he's not so Robin told him to stop acting like it. Howard said that Eric turning on his cam in the meeting isn't going to help him out. He said that they want to talk business in that meeting, not get in cam.
Howard said Eric should try that and let him know how it goes. Eric said he won't do it with sound, he'll just do it with the cam. Howard said that he has to think about what he's saying. He asked Eric if he would want something like that if he were a powerful executive. Eric said he wouldn't mind.
Howard told Eric not to bother him with that and do what he thinks is right. Howard said that the guy was perturbed with Eric for not letting him know he wasn't coming.
Robin asked Eric who is calling him a liar. Eric said that they were calling him a liar earlier. Howard said they weren't calling him a liar, it sounded like he was a liar when he blamed Johnny Fratto for changing the dates.
Shuli came in and said that he interviewed Johnny Fratto yesterday and Johnny said that Eric has been trying to line this meeting up with American Idol the whole time. That means that Eric knew that he wasn't going to the meeting this week. Shuli said that there are people who would kill to meet with this guy and Eric blew him off.
Eric and Shuli talked about the interview they did and Shuli said that Eric ended up talking about American Idol when he asked him if he wanted to apologize to Robert Mills. He said that Eric would never have gone to this meeting because it had nothing to do with Idol.
Eric said that the finale was a back up plan and that wasn't the original plan. Howard told Eric that he should have told the guy way in advance that he wasn't going to be showing up. Eric said he didn't know until Monday night that he wasn't going to be able to make it.
Shuli said people would respect him more if he just manned up and admitted it was his fault. Eric said that Johnny does things last minute and that's his M.O. Eric said that his co-hosts King and Gina could back him up on that.
Howard said he doesn't care if he's lying or not. He told him to just not blow it with this guy Mills. He said it's a gift from heaven. Howard told him that walking in there with his cam isn't the right thing to do. Robin said he will blow it. Eric told her to blow it out her ass.
Howard said that Eric is going to get on cam with the 14 idiots in JFSC in this meeting and he's going to blow it. Fred played a bunch of the edited together clips of Eric saying different names for himself.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to wear to this meeting. Eric didn't know yet. Howard told him to wear a suit and tie. He said he learned that's what you do when you go to an important meeting like that. Howard said that's what he used to do when he went to meetings like that. Howard said that if you're going for funny then he could dress like a lawn jockey.
Howard asked when his meeting is. Eric said that it's on the 13th and that's the week before the Idol finale. Howard asked if he wants him to try and move up the finale by a week for him. Eric said no. Howard said that maybe they could do an elimination show and end it a week early. Howard said maybe he'll call Rupert Murdoch and ask him to do that for him.
Howard asked Eric if he's still going to bring his laptop to the meeting. Eric said that he is. Howard laughed. Howard asked if he's going to broadcast during the meeting. Eric said he will do that but without sound. Howard said that's brilliant. Shuli said he could watch him without sound no problem.
Howard asked Eric if he has things planned for the meeting. Eric said he has some ideas to pitch. Howard said he hopes he's not whipping out that Dougie the Puggie book. Eric said that he was told he wanted to read what he's written so he will be showing him that. Robin asked if this is a goof. Howard said this isn't a goof, he's serious.
Shuli said that he heard that Eric called Johnny Fratto complaining that he had ruined his wet dream one night. Eric said that was true. Howard asked how many people he had in his JFSC room watching. Eric said there were 75. Howard let him go after that and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin had some news about Madonna trying to adopt a child in Malawi. She read some details about that story. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about the details of that case. Howard said that this poor girl had the chance to go live the life with Madonna and now they're screwing her out of it. He said that's really a shame and the world is really fucked up. Her whole world could change overnight and they won't let it happen.
Robin had some news about Obama's press conference that was on last night. Howard said he missed that to watch American Idol. Robin had some audio clips for him to play from that press conference.
Robin had some news about Tyra Banks and the stalker that she's got to go to court over. Robin also had a story about Al Roker doing some Weather Channel stuff starting this summer. Al is going to be doing a morning show over there.
Robin read that they're going to be doing another Celebrity Apprentice season. She also had some news about a new Jennifer Garner and Matthew McConaughey movie. Robin had some audio of Jennifer talking about that movie and going on and on. Howard said he didn't know she was so chatty. Fred played the Grandpa Al ''Bla, bla, bla...'' clip while she was going on and on.
Robin read some news about Gavin Hood who is the director of the Wolverine movie. He was talking about the leak that happened with the movie and how upsetting that was. Howard said he can feel his pain. He said he didn't need to hear it every minute though. Howard said he would be screwed in the head if someone did that to him too.
Howard said he was shooting a scene for his movie one time and they had him in a wig and stuff and a picture got into the paper so that kind of ruined it. He said he wanted to save it for the movie. Howard said you want the fans to see the completed project instead of that one thing.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the new Star Trek movie. They had the guy who is playing Scotty in the movie talking about the movie and what his character was in charge of. That led to Howard talking about how William Shatner must be upset about the whole thing. Then they had a discussion about the word ''shat'' and if it was a real word. It was of course. Howard had no idea. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Gary said that as soon as he met Hugh he liked the guy. He didn't think he was putting anything on either, that's just his demeanor.
Gary said that Hugh showed up with a couple of people and he was supposed to just be there from 7:05am to 7:35am and they didn't seem to care that he ran late. He usually has people asking him to get people out of there if they're running late. Gary said that they were very relaxed. Jon said that Hugh was very relaxed the whole time during the interview too. Gary said he came in ready to talk about anything.
Jon and Gary talked about how Hugh was able to lose his accent to do these movies where he has to play an American. Jon said that there is no hint of an accent through the whole Wolverine movie. Jon said he didn't know that Hugh had fallen into that role either so that was something he learned today.
Jon said that he had never heard anyone say that they didn't want to talk about what the movie cost to make. He said that it was strange to hear him saying that he had signed something that said he couldn't talk about it.
Jon said Howard seemed to get kind of envious that Hugh was voted sexiest man alive. Gary said that the guy seems to have everything going on in his life. He's happily married, he's got a great career and he's well hung.
Jon took some calls and one guy said that Hugh Jackman was in Swordfish. Gary said he didn't know what that was. Jon and the caller told Gary what it was about and he thought that he had never seen that one. Gary said that he had to go back and look at that.
Gary said that he still didn't see any of the Hugh Jackman movies. He ran through the list of movies he saw on IMDB.com and didn't see any of the movies listed on his list. Gary said that he hasn't seen him on Broadway and only saw him on the Oscars. Gary figured he should go back and watch the X-men movies. Jon said that would be a start. He said a lot of people would say that's the worst of the bunch though.
Jon had Teddy play some audio of Hugh talking to Howard about his wife doing a love scene in a movie and how worried she was about the guy possibly getting a hard on.
Jon brought up the Oprah discussions Hugh had today. Gary said that he lost him a little bit when he hard that. Jon said that must get under Howard's skin too. Gary said that Howard can ruin everything and he seemed to be doing that with Hugh's story when he told him that Oprah probably got sick of talking to him so that's why she interrupted him.
A caller told Gary he probably saw one of Hugh's movies but Gary said that he hadn't seen that one. The caller said he should see ''Deception.'' Gary said he'd have to check that one out.
The caller wanted to tell a joke. He asked what's black, blue and doesn't like to fuck? The answer was ''The 12 year old boy scout in Ralph's trunk. No one was laughing.
Another caller told Gary that The Prestige is the best Hugh Jackman movie out there. He told him to forget the X-Men films. Gary said he saw the trailer for that one time and thought that it was like the movie that he was there to see that day. He said he'll give it a look though.
Another caller said that Hugh's interview was great. Then he got in a plug for a web site so Jon and Gary said that was just an asshole call and said not to visit the site.
Wheels called in and asked how they got Hugh on the show. Gary said that they actually approached them to get Hugh on there. Wheels said they should try to get Michael J. Fox on the show. Gary said that he didn't know he was out promoting anything. Wheels said that he's out promoting a book. Gary said that he'd see what he could do. He said that Michael seems like a great guy and he'd see if he could book him.
Another caller asked if it was FOX trying to get Hugh on the show or if he came in on his own. Gary said it might have had a little bit to do with the bootleg that Howard got but they do want to get the word out about that movie so that's got something to do with it too.
Will came in and said that Hugh was a cool guy and very down to earth. He thought he might be kind of fruity after all of the stuff he's been in but he was very manly on the show today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that one Hugh Jackman movie was really bad and talked about how he walked out of it because it was so bad. Gary said he was looking at the details about that movie, The Fountain, and he was already out after just reading the one line they had about it. Jon said that's the movie that Robin told Darren Aronofsky was horrible.
Jon talked about how Hugh wasn't nervous when he did the Oscar's except 6 weeks before. Gary said that he thought that his explanation about that was kind of strange because he was saying that everyone there was going to be on camera with him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks that everyone will get off of Howard's ass now that he's had a big guest in there. Gary said that they have a bunch of big guests coming in over the next couple of months so everyone should be off his ass soon. They talked about how they went from Hugh Jackman to The Iron Sheik today. That led to them talking about Sheik for a little while.
Jon and Gary talked about the people that Sheik was yelling at on the phones. Jon said that Sal and Richard kept calling in repeatedly and he had to ask Richard to stop calling him. He said that Richard got really angry at him for that and it was the first time that he had seen him that mad. He said he kind of liked seeing some emotion come out of the guy.
Will said that things get very busy when Howard starts taking calls. He said Richard and Sal end up freezing up the phones with their calls and he kind of blew up at them today because of that.
Benjy said he heard that the Sheik has YouTube videos where he's yelling at Will. Will said that they are out there. He said that he did a pre-interview with him once and he blew up at him for bringing up some stuff that upset him.
Will said that Sheik is in really bad shape and he didn't even go into the studio with shoes on. He said it doesn't look good for him. Gary said that his manager and someone else was helping him walk out in the hall. Will said he could probably take the Sheik now but at his prime he would have killed him.
A caller asked if he's putting that stuff on or is it real. Gary said he thinks that's all real. Will said that he threatened to beat up Beetlejuice one time and that's just not right.
The guys were talking about the Sheik complaining about the movie The Wrestler stealing his life story but they didn't think he was right about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Artie being out today and how he thought that Howard was fed up with it and he was at a breaking point. Gary said that he is frustrated but he's not sure he's at a breaking point. The caller said that it seems that it's been building but now he's really upset and he's thinking enough is enough with Artie.
Gary said that Artie seems to have been doing well lately and they weren't giving him a hard time. Gary said that maybe he's really sick today but it's like the boy who cried wolf and no one believes it.
Gary said that they've told Artie that they think he should come in like they all do but there is a double standard there. Gary said Howard has even admitted there is a double standard there. Gary said that if he did the same thing as Artie, he would never hear the end of it.
Benjy said that Howard has said that people being late is wrong for everyone there. He said that he says that but then he doesn't say the same thing to everyone that he says to him. They had to go to break after that.
Gary asked the Nick some questions about getting on the team and how that's all going. They spent a few minutes going over that and talking football.
Jon asked Nick how big of a fan he is of Howard's. He said that they work out in the morning so he can't listen as much as he did in college. He said that he did listen in the past. Benjy asked him if he plays football. Nick joked that he plays golf.
Gary asked Nick who his favorite Wack Packer is. He said that he was out for too long to know who they were at this point. Jon and Gary told Nick that they replay the show all day. Nick had no idea.
Jon took some calls and let some fans ask Nick some questions about their upcoming season. Nick talked about what he thinks is going to happen this season.
Jon and Gary asked Nick a bunch of questions about the team and asked how he deals with the constant change. Nick said that it's difficult but you get used to the business. He said that it makes things interesting.
Jon asked Nick if he had a favorite on the show when he was listening. He said he loved Beetlejuice. Gary told him he has to get Howard TV because they're working on a reality show for Beetlejuice. Nick said he can't imagine what that would be like. Gary said that Beet has no reality so it will be pretty wild. He said that they give Beet fake money out on the road and he thinks it's real money. Nick said he has to see that show.
Jon was sprinkling in Howard questions in with the football questions. He and Gary threw questions at him about the guys he's played for and some of his teammates.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard that Nick likes Metallica and wondered what else he likes. Nick said he likes the grunge stuff and the Lithium channel on Sirius XM. He said he also likes Dave Matthews so he has a wide variety of stuff he likes.
Another caller asked what's worse, Gary's breath or Jon Hein's putrid Michigan shirt. Gary said that he can take breath mints and Jon can change his shirt but that caller will always be an asshole.
Cyrus called in and said that it sounds like they're stuck in a Jon and Gary vortex right now. Cyrus said that he wanted to talk about Eric the Midget and what an asshole he seemed to be today. Gary said that Eric really was being an asshole about that whole meeting thing today. Gary said that if Eric wasn't like that, they wouldn't like him on the show so much. Jon said that's what makes him so great on the show.
Cyrus asked which Eric is the worst, Eric the Midget or High Pitch Eric. Gary said that High Pitch never talks to him the way Eric the Midget does. Gary said that Eric will never get anywhere thinking that he should put that business meeting on cam in a room where he's broadcasting to 75 people.
Gary said that they could do a show about Eric that would be fascinating. He said that they could give him a show where they make it sweet. Will said that Eric would scare little kids. Gary wondered where they could put him because the guys weren't sure that he'd work on a network TV show.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Nick some more questions. Nick's sister played football in high school so the caller knew about that and mentioned it. Nick said that she had been playing from second grade so the people in town were used to it. He said that once she got to high school it kind of freaked people out. He said she kept it going into college though. The guys spent a short time talking about that. Nick said that she wasn't great on the line but she's strong and powerful and that helped her out a lot. She could have been better if she worked on her quickness.
Jon gave Nick some plugs and asked him a few more questions. He asked about the fans and how he thinks they're going to be. Nick said that they're going to be great.
Jon said that Doug Goodstein was in the studio and told Nick that he'd love to do a scene with Nick and Beetlejuice playing football. He said that would be great. Nick said he'd love to do that. Doug said that he could snap him as the ball.
Jon took some more calls and talked about college rivalries. They had talked about that a little earlier as well.
Gary said that some of the regimen is coffee enemas so that's what came up with Tim today. They talked about how Tim hasn't been doing that in the past month or so. Gary said he thinks that Robin is done with Tim now and she's moved on to her next person which is Laura.
Ralph called in and said that X-Men is excellent and he had to disagreed with Jon on that. He told Gary that X-Men 3 is the best of the bunch. He told Gary that there's a lot of action in that one.
Jon asked Ralph if he heard Hugh Jackman on the show today. Ralph said he missed that. He told the guys they sound like they're in love with the guy though. Ralph said they seem to be in love with any guest who comes in and isn't an asshole.
Jon said that Ralph raises a fair issue there and they do kind of do that when certain guests come in. Ralph said that they did that with Ryan Philippe.
Jon took a call from a guy who used to play football and ended up telling them some stories about some coach he had. He was entertaining the guys with those old stories.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric the Midget is threatening to have the cops visit them if they continue to harass him. The guy said that Eric is also saying that he is an actor even if he's not paid.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they used to play the Jets and the Jets fans were the worst to play in front of. He said he hates the Jets because of that. Gary said that they might be loud but they're no worse than any other football fans. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.