|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show welcoming everyone to the world of SIRIUS. He said he was obsessed with a clip that JD gave him. He said he wasn't sure if he should get into it or not because it's a long explanation. He said that it's this religious guy who is making up a story about him and he's fascinated by it. Howard said that he thinks the guy is just making up a story about him and he's trying to have anecdotes about him to sell books.
Howard said the studio felt empty without George Takei there this week. Artie said that there was a lot less gay in there too but it's sad that he's not there.
Howard asked if he was ever interviewed by Morley Safer. Robin said no. Howard said that he didn't think so but this guy who he was talking about was saying that he saw him interviewed by Morley and he talked about being married ''several'' times. Howard said that the guy is really strange and he claims that he was on a panel with him on that show.
Howard said that the guy claims that he embarrassed him by telling him about how the penis was created or something.
Howard played the audio of this guy Dr. Kevin Leman talking about this stuff that he was just talking about. The guy first claims that he was interviewed by Howard Stern's wife and then says that she's one of his ''many'' wives. Howard said that the guy is really arrogant and an asshole when he's talking about this stuff.
Howard said that he's read books where people claim to have gone to lunch with him and he's never even heard of them. That's what this reminds him of.
Dr. Leman goes on to talk about how he saw Howard on 60 Minutes being interviewed and he wondered why God was mentioned in a sex book. Dr. Leman claims that he was on a panel with Howard and he was talking about how Howard wouldn't let this stuff go and kept beating him over the head. Dr. Leman claims he told Howard that God created the penis and Morley Safer coughed on his cigarette smoke.
Howard said that he thinks that this guy is total bullshit. He said that if he's telling the truth then he'll apologize to him but he doesn't think that he's telling a true story. Robin said that Morley doesn't smoke on the air. She said that story can't be true.
Howard said that the guy is really creepy and he's talking in that soft voice and the woman interviewing him must be doing some kind of infomercial or something with him.
Robin said that she doesn't think that there is any truth to this story at all. She said that Howard would have told the story on the air if it had happened. Gary said that this guy came out with his book in 2006 and there's no way this stuff happened in the last 2-3 years. Howard said that he thinks this guy may have done an interview with Beth and got fixated on him.
Howard said that this is bugging him a lot and he can't get off the subject. Howard said that if the guy wrote the book in the last 3 years then he's lying about this stuff. Howard said that he didn't do any interview with Morley Safer in the past 3 years. Gary asked if he should book the guy for the show. Howard said that he should because he wants to know what the hell the guy is talking about. Howard said that he is obsessed with him right now.
Fred suggested that maybe he has Howard confused with Imus or someone like that. Howard said he doesn't buy it, he thinks that he's created a whole story.
Howard said that this guy is full of it and he's never done an interview with him. Artie said that he really should have someone look into it because this guy might be crazy. Howard said that he can't go on with the show because he's so irritated by this guy.
Howard said that this guy is leading Christians and he's making up stories. He said that the guy could be a completely insane human being for all he knows. Howard said that he's not even sure if the guy did an interview with Beth.
JD came in and told Howard that he hasn't been able to find any information about that guy doing any interviews with Beth. They only found one other reference to him doing an interview. Howard told JD to stay on that story because it's really bugging the shit out of him.
Howard asked Artie why he keeps changing his phone number so often. Artie said that it just seems that way. He doesn't change it that often. He left Howard a message over the weekend about the change.
Howard said that this guy is like Larry King claiming that he grew up with Sandy Koufax. He said the guy lied about knowing Sandy because Sandy talked about it. Howard said that he wonders how anyone can go on Larry's show and not bring that up. Howard said it's very strange and it boggles the mind.
Howard did an impression of Dr. Leman talking about him and told the guy to shut up. More specifically he said ''Shut up you fuck.''
Howard said that all he's saying is that this guy isn't telling the truth as far as he remembers. Gary said that JD just found that this guy put out the book back in 1981 so maybe there was something else in there. He said that they think that this book he was promoting came out in 2006 though. Howard said he thinks he may have met Morley Safer at a party one time but he really doesn't remember this God story. Gary said that Howard did meet Morley at a party but he has nothing about him meeting him in an interview.
Howard said that he's not sure why this guy is bringing up this book though. Robin said that he claims that it was brought up in that interview that Morley was talking about. Howard said he needs some research done about this whole thing because he wants to expose this guy if it's not true.
Robin said that the Enquirer had claimed that she was into fat guys and that's why she was going after Jimmy. That apparently wasn't true.
Howard said he heard that Jimmy was upset about the break up and he told Beth about it. He said that they got upset by that because they really like them as a couple. Howard said that Beth liked Sarah a lot and they don't find that a lot with couples. Howard said that Beth really liked Sarah and it's tough to find a couple that they both like.
Howard said he wanted some details from Jimmy but he's not the type of guy who talks about that kind of stuff. Howard said Jimmy just said ''Sadly this is true'' when he e-mailed him about it. Howard said he figured that they'd be able to find out what happened since they're kind of insiders.
Howard said that there has to be a reason for their break up. Howard said that he's not sure if the two of them would hang out with them separately after the break up. Howard said they don't get to see them that much anyway.
Howard said he and Beth were trying to find out what happened but they're not talking. Howard wants to know exactly what it is that they don't like about each other. Howard tried to get that out of Jimmy but it wasn't working in the e-mails.
Howard said that it wasn't the best thing to do through e-mail. He said that their theory is that Sarah might want to adopt a kid and maybe Jimmy doesn't want to do that.
Howard said they had no idea that there was anything wrong in their relationship. The last time they saw them was at their wedding though and that was in October of last year. Howard said he really knows nothing about the break up but it's very sad to him because he and Beth rally love those two.
Howard said that he's really not good with intimacy. He said he concentrates on just one person when he's having sex with them. He said that's what he's doing with Beth. Robin said that Leonardo DiCaprio isn't like that at all. He was running around the city with his buddies even though he has a super model waiting for him at home.
Howard said that he doesn't represent the Left or the New Left or whatever it is. Howard said that these people writing these articles can't think of anyone on the left who equals Rush's influence so they just throw his name in there instead. Howard said that he's hardly Leftist even though he did support Obama. Howard said that he was also against Bush but who wasn't?
Howard said he's hardly political and no one listens to his show for politics. He said that Rush Limbaugh shouldn't be compared to his show. Howard said that Rush is on in the afternoons and he's a shill for the Republican Party and he's not making anyone laugh.
Howard played some audio of a speech that Rush recently made where he told a really lame joke about Larry King. He and the guys were goofing on that joke and how hackie it was. Robin pointed out that Rush hits his desk on the radio show all the time and he's doing the same at the podium during that speech that Howard was playing. The guys compared him to other people who hit their desks while making speeches like Hitler and Mussolini.
Howard said that Rush is just annoying and his joke isn't funny and it's long and drawn out. He said the guy is a douche and that whole speech was a douche speech. Howard said that joke was like something he read in a joke book.
Howard said he bets that Rush gets over $200,000 to go to those places to talk to people. Howard said that the fact that Rush and Paul Harvey had private jets makes him sick too.
Howard did his impression of Rush doing one of those lame jokes that he tells. He told one of Jackie the Joke Man's jokes as if he were Rush. Howard said that Jackie is right out of the 1920s with some of those jokes. Fred actually had the Jackie joke that Howard was trying to tell. He played that clip where Jackie does his black impressions while telling the ''Give Rodney a chance'' joke. Jackie had told that joke on his Joke Hunt show there on Howard 101.
Howard said it's great that he can sit up close and watch the guys play like that. He said that he saw Walt Frasier there and he came up and shook his hand. Howard said that was a big thrill for him because he used to see him play when he was a kid. Howard said that Walt used to go to Upstate New York and he'd try to look at him when he was up there. Howard said that the guy had pussy skills back then. Howard said that Walt was almost like one of those pimps back in the 70s.
Howard said that there are always celebrities there at the Knicks games. He said that he was walking to his seats and Tracy Morgan was there. He yelled out to him and all he could think of was that ''Gurkle, gurkle'' sound that they play on the show. Howard said Tracy was thanking him for being so nice to him on the show and was saying that he attributes a lot of his success to the show. Howard said that he told him that it's his talent, not the show.
Howard said that Tracy was there with his 17 year old son and the son was very well behaved. Howard said that maybe Tracy is the best father in the world or something. Howard said that Tracy is the funniest mother fucker on the planet. He said that the shit he was yelling out during the game was very funny. The players were actually looking over at him while they were playing.
Howard said that Tracy yelled out to his son that his future mother was there when the Knicks City Dancers came out. Howard said that was the kind of stuff Tracy was doing out there. Howard said that Tracy was assuming that he knew more about the Knicks than he did. He was telling him about who he thought they were going to put in next and Howard was just agreeing with him so he wouldn't look like he didn't know anything.
Howard said that he saw two guys making out in the audience. He also saw Spike Lee at the game but they're not talking. Howard said that Spike came over and talked to Tracy but he doesn't say a word to him. Robin said that in the last year or so Spike has been talking to her. Howard said that he's cutting Robin some slack because she's black. Howard said Spike is mad at him because he didn't like his movies.
Gary said that the reason that Spike was mad at Robin is because years ago he called the office looking for Robin and he hung up on him because he didn't think it was really Spike Lee. Gary said that he called in looking for Robin and he put him in touch with her. He wanted to yell at her because she wasn't defending his movies. Gary said that Robin ended up yelling at Spike and he ended up hanging up on her.
Howard said that at half time the celebrities go out to eat at some special thing there but he just stays out there and watches the show. He said he loves all of that shit and doesn't want to go to a VIP area. Howard said that no one bothers him down there so he just stays there.
Howard said he saw Star Jones going up to the VIP area and she didn't stop to say hi to him. Howard said that Beth pointed her out and he told her that it's Robin's new friend. Howard said he told Beth about that and she was kind of blown out by that.
Howard said that Star isn't up to saying hello to him. He said that he kind of likes it when people are afraid of him like that.
Gary said that he's trying to mend all of the fences that they've broken over the years and he's trying his hardest to get Kathie Lee Gifford on the show to promote her book. Howard said that would be very awkward. Gary said that's the whole idea. Howard said that the fans aren't going to tolerate him if he doesn't get into the stuff about Frank having anal with that other woman. Gary said that maybe Kathie will write about that stuff.
Gary said that Cody Gifford is like in college now. Howard said that the show that Kathie is on is horrible. He said that he watched it one time and saw a Japanese woman on the show who rubs bird shit on people's faces to remove wrinkles.
Howard said that it could have been a great interview but it turned out to be really bad. He said that he'd want to know who first came up with the idea to rub bird shit on their face. He said that it turned out to be a bunch of women screaming and making fun about having bird droppings on their face. Howard said it was just bizarre and bad TV.
Gary said that JD had just given him some information about that Dr. Keith LEman guy from earlier. He sadi that JD found out that he did an interview with Beth back in January. He was on the Mike and Juliet show with Beth. Howard said that's what he figured the case was. Howard said that he really doesn't remember the other story the guy was telling though.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan was really funny out there at the Knicks gaem. Howard said he was telling funny jokes the hwole time so he must be on like that 24 hours a day. Howar dsaid that Tracy told him that he was the father of 3 of the Octo-Mom's kids. He sadi he told Tracy that he can come on the show any time.
Eric was calling in to ask if Howard had gotten anywhere with the stuff he was talking about last week. Howard said that he is in discussions with the producer of The Bachelor and the guy is envisioning Eric being in something on TV. Howard said that he could possibly be The Bachelor or be involved in the show somehow. Howard said that the guy is really interested in doing something with him.
Howard said that the guy really wants him but Robin was saying that this is even more cruel than what they did to Gary the Retard when they sent him to the moon. Howard said that he swears that this is for real. He said that the guy really wants to meet Eric and he doesn't think that the guy is a phony or anything. Artie said that he thought Howard was pulling his leg too. Howard said he's really not.
Robin asked Eric if he would be one of 30 guys in a Bachelorette show. Eric said sure to that. Howard said that he has the guy's number and he's going to give it to Gary to give to Eric off the air. Howard said that if it happens, it happens.
Eric said that they're thinking about making it illegal, out in Sacramento, to get lap dances. Howard said that they're trying to take away all of the fun from people. Howard said that when they get rid of lap dances, it should only be after every other problem is solved in this world.
Eric said that he has a link to an online petition (petitionspot.com/petitions/saveadultentsac) to stop the lap dance thing. Artie kept trying to say goodbye to Eric every time he's bring it up. Howard told Eric he was going to put him on hold so Gary could give him the number form that producer. Fred played him out with that ''Eric the Ack Ack-tor'' clip.
Howard talked about the Bachelorette and how predictable it can be. He said that he thinks that Eric would make it through at least two shows if he was on the Bachelorette. Howard said that she'll have to get rid of someone else before Eric. Howard said he'd love to see Eric in the hot tub with the Bachelorette. Howard said that it would be great if she felt so guilty that she picked him in the end.
Howard said that he's seen the woman that they're going to have as the next Bachelorette and he's not too happy with who they picked. Howard said that she's one of those people who can judge a man by the kind of toppings he puts on a hot dog. Howard said that tells you nothing about a man. Artie said it tells you a lot about the woman though.
Howard said that he read that Obama is going to be bringing back the funding for Stem Cell research. He said he loves that. That led to the guys talking about Bush taking that funding away and how insane he seemed to be when he was talking about why they took the funding away. Howard said that they had to take a break after that.
Howard said he was reading that they're going to have an Oprah Winfrey news department on her channel. He said that it won't work for her like it has for them. Artie said that they're going to take it seriously instead of doing it like a joke like they do. Howard said that he sees that Oprah isn't even on her own channel. Howard said that she has her friend Gayle doing just one hour a day. Howard said that he wants $50 million for doing one hour. He said that Oprah doesn't even do an hour on there and she's getting that kind of money.
Howard read through the names of the people on Oprah's channel and said that one person had a 2 hour show. Then there was an Oprah Book Club show that went for 3 hours. Howard sarcastically said that Oprah isn't phoning it in at all.
Howard said that Oprah doesn't even mention SIRIUS XM on her show. Howard said that she gets paid all that money and doesn't even promote it.
Howard said that they're going to have the Oprah News coming up too. Howard said that she gets $50 million to do nothing there. Howard read about some of the other shows they have on her channel and wondered how many people actually listen to that channel. He said that they have the Maya Angelou show on for an hour. Robin said that she can't possibly do a full hour. She said that she saw her out at an event recently and she was half asleep. Robin said that she can't possibly be doing a full hour of anything.
Howard said that there was also a guy who talks about designing home decor and stuff. Howard said that everyone on that channel is a Dr. too. He said that they all have Dr. before their names.
Howard said they're changing the Oprah Channel with a new name and not calling it ''Oprah and Friends'' anymore. Howard said he doesn't even see Oprah doing any show on there at all. Not even a 10 minute show. Howard said that it's all branding and he'd like to know who made that deal. Howard said they can't blame Scott (Greenstein) for that awful deal.
Gary said he found out that Oprah does a one hour show. He said that it's only once a month though. Gary read the information he had about that show and how that all works. Howard said he guarantees that no one listens to that channel. Howard said that for $50 million Oprah should be calling every one of her listeners at home. He said that it wouldn't take long since there are probably only 10 people listening.
Howard got on his megaphone and tried coming up with what Oprah's show must sound like. He said that no one knows what the fuck that show is like. He said they won't even go to a studio to record a show, they just phone it in.
Howard did more of his impression of Oprah and her friends talking on the phone for a minute. Howard laughed when he said that they paid her 50 million clams to do that nonsense. Howard said they should put Oprah in jail for that. He said that Bernie Madoff is nothing compared to her. Artie said that it was actually $55 million. Howard said that's the kind of deal he wants. He said that he should be able to get that kind of money with just his name. He said he wouldn't even have to show up to work for that kind of money.
Howard said he has fantasized about deals like that. He said that he was thinking about doing a 3 day a week deal but now he'll take $50 million not to show up at all. He wonders how Oprah convinced them to make that deal. Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell could do a deal like that and actually show up to work.
Gary said that JD told him about this ''soul series'' that she's doing on the channel. Howard said that he'd like to know why Scott Greenstein isn't sitting down with her and telling her to show up for work. Robin said that Scott inherited that deal. Howard said that Eminem isn't showing up for his channel either. Howard said he kind of gets that deal because they can put his name on it and play hip hop. Howard said they're not paying him $55 million either.
Howard said that Oprah has Dr. Maya Angelou on her channel. Robin said that it's cruel what they're doing to that woman at this point. Robin said she shows up in a wheelchair on her show.
Robin said that Jamie Foxx is doing his shows from his house and that's what Oprah should be doing. Howard said that she should also have people like Tom Cruise and Jennifer Aniston on her radio show to get some notice. He said that she's not out there promoting her channel at all.
Howard said that XM deal was a reaction to his deal with SIRIUS and they somehow thought that they were going to be able to compete with them with that.
Howard asked Robin if she saw Watchmen yet. Robin said she hasn't. Howard said he didn't see it either. He said he was going to go out to the movies to see it but he changed his mind.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bubba seems to be afraid to talk about Oprah in the way Howard is. Howard said that he doesn't think that he's got any rules about that. Howard said that the worst thing that could happen is that Oprah quits. He said that wouldn't be a bad thing if she did.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said that they have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge's show losing their announcer. He passed away suddenly at the age of 48. Lisa said that the guy was also the announcer for Z-100 in New York.
Howard said that he read that he'd like to have Oprah's news woman come in there to talk about her new job because he just read that she dated Rush Limbaugh. Howard said that her name is Dayrn Kagen. Howard said he remembers reading that Rush got out of the army because he had a tail. Howard said he'd love to hear stories about that tail. That led to the guys making fun of Rush about the tail thing for a couple of minutes.
Lisa said that they also have a story about teh horse named ''Baby Gorilla'' and it came in 7th place. The horse will be running again in 3 weeks. Lisa also said that a reporter has made Howard a role model in his book about the Catholic church. HOwar dsaid he actually read that adn he meant to give the guy a shout out.
Howard played some of the interview and Oprah was talking to Rainn about his web site SoulPancake.com. She asked Rainn how he came up with the site and he started off saying ''I don't know...'' Howard said that's a great answer. Howard said that he'd be right out of there if he got that kind of answer.
Howard played some more of the boring interview and said that they're paying Oprah 55 million clams for that show. Howard made fun of Rainn and did an impression of his voice that made him sound gay. Howard kept playing short clips and then goofed on the guy.
Howard and Fred had some fun goofing around with those clips. Fred would throw in some sound clips that sounded kind of like Rainn or Oprah. Howard laughed and kept mentioning the ''50 million clams'' thing. Artie said that Oprah was sounding like that Kevin Nealon prank call they played last week where he just keeps saying ''Mmm hmm, mmm hmm, uh huh, uh huh...''
Artie said that there's no way that Rainn was in the same room with Oprah in that interview. Howard played more of the interview and continued to goof on the whole thing. There was one part where Oprah said ''Ooo, ooo, ooo'' so Fred played the audio clip of wrestler Golddust doing his tourettes ''Ooo, ooo, ooo'' over and over again.
Howard played more of the interview with Oprah and Rainn where they were talking about young people and how they should be preparing for what might happen when people die. Oprah claimed that she cleared out a whole party when she brought up the death thing at a party one time. Howard said that was bullshit and there's no way that came up at a party.
Howard read that Martha Stewart's dog was killed in a freak explosion out at kennel that it was staying at in Pennsylvania. Howard read about the propane explosion that killed a few pets. Howard wondered what she was doing in that kennel and why she didn't have the dog at home being taken care of by her people.
Howard said that he's upset with Oprah for not being on her channel more. Artie said that they just listened to her on the air and it was horrible. He said that the other people on the channel can't be any better.
Howard said he thinks that Riley was ill that day, that's not a typical show for him. He played a little more of that and then played a Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did with some Riley Martin audio clips. They had Riley saying ''huh?'' over and over again when the woman would ask him questions about his hearing loss. Howard and the guys were laughing at that bit. The woman stuck with them for a few minutes even though Riley would only say ''Huh?'' or ''Uhhh... Huh?'' when she'd ask him questions about the diagnosis.
Howard played some more of Riley's show from last Tuesday night. He had Riley opening the show and slowly telling his fans what they were going to be talking about.
Howard said he heard that Gange was talking about him on the Wrap UP Show. He said that they have to play that stuff but he had to take a break first.
Howard said that he'd really like to see Oprah putting more effort into her channel. He said he loves the company so much that he doesn't want to see them being taken advantage of. Howard said that even Martha Stewart didn't get a huge amount of money to do her show. He said that if you get paid to do something you should show up for work. Howard said he just loves the company too much to let that kind of thing go on.
Howard joked that he was doing this whole Oprah rant because management asked him to do it. He said he was just kidding about that. Howard said that he doesn't think that they should have merged. He said they should have just rolled the dice and let things happen. He thinks that the company will be a big deal eventually though. He said that people thought FM radio was never going to work and they couldn't even sell FM frequencies in the beginning. He said he really had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Oprah doesn't seem to be able to find an hour for herself on her channel. Howard said that he wonders why no one else has been able to find time for Maya on regular radio.
Howard played some of the audio of Maya's show and she could barely speak. Howard said that all they learned in the first 30 seconds was how she and the caller were doing.
In the clip Maya was talking to this caller about something that she didn't explain ahead of time. She had gotten a question from the guy but didn't tell anyone what the question was. Howard said that this channel is full of nonsense and they're paying Oprah $55 million to do it. Howard said that she can't get any of her guests from her TV show to do a radio show, she has to get Dr. Maya Angelou and Dr. Nate Burkiss to do shows instead.
Howard and Robin made fun of the way this Maya Anglou show started with her just asking the caller how he was doing. Howard said that Riley Martin gets more listeners than anyone on Oprah's channels do. Robin told Howard not to tell Riley that because he'll get pissed about the $55 million.
Howard said he might have to hear more of this Maya Angelou show. He played some more of her going on and on about nothing with this caller she had on the line. Howard wondered if there could possibly be one person listening to that show. He said that Oprah probably doesn't even listen to her own channel.
Howard played more of the show and said that the guy on the phone with Maya sounded like he was asleep. He did an impression of that guy while Fred was playing some snoring audio clips. Howard kept mentioning the $55 million that they're paying Oprah for this crap.
Howard said that it's just not right the way Oprah is taking advantage of them and not even sharing the audio from her TV shows to put on her channel.
On the Wrap Up Show Gange was talking about how strange Howard seems to be by not wanting to say hello to someone in the hall. Howard said he's not interested in doing another show in the hall after he's done 5 hours on the air.
Robin said that a doctor doesn't perform an operation and then go out in the hall and perform another operation when he's done. Howard said that Gange has more free time in the world than anyone on the planet. Howard said that Gange spends more time on Facebook than anyone.
Howard said that was enough of Gange. He said he had a clip of Sal talking about something on the Wrap Up Show that was kind of disturbing. He said that they asked Sal about being the ''President'' of the Beastie Boys Fan Club. Sal revealed that he wasn't nominated the President, he just called himself the President and made up the title.
There was another clip where Sal talked about buying a Hondo guitar for one of the guys in the Beastie Boys and how he went and presented it to him and then followed him around back stage at this concert. He followed him until the guy went to his trailer and locked the door. Gary then says that it seems that Sal honed his skills on Kiss and the Beastie Boys and then went after Howard. They're just the only ones who didn't slam their trailer door on. Howard said that Gary was right about that.
Howard played another clip from the Wrap Up Show where Jason brought up how Sal had gone through the releases when Ace Frehley was on the show so he could get his number. Sal denied ever doing that but then said that he hadn't done it since that one time. Sal said that he was very delusional back then and thought that he was in show business and he should have numbers like Ace Frehley's. Howard said that Ace isn't looking to give Sal his number.
Howard said that he watched a woman get married to the Eiffel Tower and if it was for real, that web site where he watched it might be the best web site ever.
Howard said that this woman that he's talking about wasn't all that terrible looking. He said that some older women look like men but this woman wasn't that bad. Howard said that she was an Olympic gold medalist and she fell in love with her bow and arrow. Then she got really good at archery and it was only because of this bow and arrow that she was in love with. Then the woman fell in love with the Golden Gate Bridge and then with the Eiffel Tower. She ended up marrying the Eiffel Tower.
Howard said that this is apparently some kind of disease that only like 50-60 people in the world have. He said he had some clips from that show to play. He said they treat it really seriously on that web site.
JD said that the woman Howard was talking about was kind of thin but not that bad looking. JD said that she fell in love with the Berlin Wall as well. They talked about that for a minute and then played some audio clips of this documentary thing that was on this web site Howard was talking about.
In the clip they're talking about this woman and her love for the Berlin Wall and the Eiffel Tower. Then they have the woman talking about falling in love with her bow and arrow. The woman claims that she's never made love to a real man either.
The woman doing the documentary is taking all of this seriously. Artie said that if you ever do a documentary about something creepy, you have to get the narrator to do the narrating. He seemed to think that she fit in perfectly.
Howard played more of the interview where the woman is talking about falling in love with ''Lance'' which was the bow's name. She said that she fell in love with him based on his looks. Then she let out a little chuckle. She talked about how connected she felt to ''him'' when she was still in love with him. She fell out of love with the bow and now they're not getting along like they used to.
Howard said the coach can't believe all of this and he's wondering what they need to do to get her back in love with the thing.
JD said he thinks that this stuff was a BBC special. They found the clips on a web site though. Howard played more of the documentary where the nutty woman is talking about her love for these objects. Howard said he liked the creepy music they played during the documentary.
Howard said that you have to see this woman because she's rubbing up against the Eiffel Tower and people are staring at her. Artie said that this woman should fall in love with the Great Wall next.
Howard had another clip where the woman was talking about how attracted she was to a fence. She was talking to it and JD said that she was rubbing on it a little bit too. That was a different woman than the first one.
Howard played more of this second woman talking to some objects and then the rain started to fall so she said she didn't want to go and wanted to stay there with it. Then she tells the fence that she's in love with it. JD said that one lady fell in love with a guillotine. Artie said that she should use it.
Howard said he had a ton of clips to play but he wasn't sure that Robin wanted to hear it. Robin said that it was very funny.
Howard asked JD about which clips to play and JD was cracking up talking about how one woman was in love with a church organ and the pastor had to kick her out of the church. Now she's in love with a church banister. JD said that they have a new preacher there at the church.
Howard played the audio of the woman doing the documentary telling the story of this woman falling in love with the organ and the banister. They had the pastor of the church talking to her about what was going on and the woman was crying about the situation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this was the funniest thing and he had almost run into a truck while driving. JD said that you can find some of the clips if you search for ''I Married the Eiffel Tower'' on YouTube.
Howard played some more clips of these people talking about their love for inanimate objects. One woman was talking about how spiritual her love of these objects was because of the exchange of molecules between her and the objects.
Howard said that he saw that NAMBLA has a hit out on Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. He's apparently against them so much that they want the guy dead. Howard found the article that he read about that and they're only offering $10,000 for the hit on a really high profile guy.
Howard read the article about the hit. In the article they say that they had posted the hit on a message board. They claim that they have an official offer to pay someone that 10 grand to shoot Cuomo in the face. Howard said that's illegal to take out a hit on a guy like that.
Howard got back to the clips of the woman talking about her love of the Eiffel Tower. The woman was saying that people call her cuckoo and she doesn't care.
Howard said that JD loves this stuff and he always sends it to him and laughs. JD said that he had audio of the guy who makes love to his car and he's been waiting for Howard to play that as well.
Howard played the audio from that documentary as well. They had a British guy talking about this guy so it was very similar to the other documentary. In that clip they say that the guy made love to the Airwolf helicopter back in 1986. He took a picture of himself kissing the helicopter at first and then he couldn't hold back and had to make love to it. He said he got away with it too but he would be very careful if he were going to do it again. The guy claims that he has common sense about that kind of thing.
Howard said it's no wonder guys don't want to go out with guys. They're so creepy. Howard was playing more of the guy talking about the Airwolf helicopter and getting upset when he said that it had crash landed one time so it was gone now.
Artie said that they had a clip on TMZ where Ivana Trump was walking down the street and the photographers were telling her to kiss this guy she was with. The guy seemed grossed out by Ivana and he just pushed her away from him.
Another caller asked if Howard was a victim of Bernie Madoff's rip off. Howard said he wasn't. The caller said they have Howard's name listed in the article he was reading about it. Howard said that it may have been a Howard Stern but it's not him.
Howard said that if it had happened to him he'd probably get a gun and be down there ready to shoot the guy. The caller said that he saw Watchmen last night and it was worth seeing. He said it was a little bit long though. Howard said he wants to go see it but he really doesn't want to go to a theater to see it. He said he wishes that he could get a copy of it to watch at home. He said that the movie studios don't treat him like the important man that he really is. Howard said that he can get people to go to the movies if he talks about them.
Howard said that he wouldn't hand over his money to this Madoff guy. Robin said that the problem was that these people weren't handing the money to Madoff, it was the people they were dealing with that handed it off to Madoff.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he doesn't think that Howard will like Watchmen. He said it was really long. The guy said that you also see the cock of the one character who has super powers in the movie. He said that the movie is like 3 hours long and you see his cock throughout the whole 3 hours. Howard said that the movie did seem a little complicated when he read about it.
The caller mentioned that in the TV show ''Nip/Tuck'' they had a story line about a character having sex with a couch so that was kind of like the stuff Howard was talking about.
Howard played more audio of the woman talking about what she likes to do to the miniature stallion. The guy says that he likes to have anal with the stallion as well. The guy said that he had scars on his back from the stallion biting him to hang on to him. Fred played the Iron Sheik saying ''Fucking faggot!'' that he threw in there after hearing that.
Howard said that Eric the Midget wanted to clear something up. He had him on the phone again. Eric said that there is a difference between people who fuck their inanimate objects and what he does. Howard said that he said that Eric fucks his bed but thinks of a woman. He already said that. Eric said that no one told him that he made any distinction. Howard said that he did though. Howard said that Eric was the normal one in that instance.
Artie said that Eric was annoying him today. He told Eric to listen to the show and stop reading what people send him. He told him to go fuck his bed. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Another caller said that the cock on the guy in the blue in the Watchmen movie was huge. Howard said he heard that Billy Crudup was saying that it was enhanced in the movie and it wasn't his real cock.
Gary said that they found that Richard Christy is at 26,000 something and Benjy is at 53,000 some. Steve Langford is at like 184,000. Howard said he doesn't really find this all that interesting. Gary said that Ronnie is 105,209 and Dan the Song Parody Man is like 200,000 and some. Howard said that he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back from break and said that he was talking to Doug Goodstein about some of the new shows they have coming up on Howard TV soon. He said that they have a lot of new shows in the works.
Robin said she ran into Leonard Marshall and he was telling her that he's coming in to record some stuff for the History of Howard Stern. That led to Howard and the guys talking about how great Leonard was on the show. Artie said that those interviews were always great. Howard asked Robin if the woman Leonard was with was his wife. Robin said she wasn't sure who the woman was.
Robin said that she also saw Scotty Pippin out one night when she was out. The guys talked about basketball for a few minutes after that.
Howard said that he had a news story about two female teachers who were being accused of assaulting a 13 year old male student. Howard said the two women didn't know about each other either. The kid was getting both. Howard said that one of the teachers was kind of cute but the other one wasn't good looking at all. Howard said that one of them looked good enough that he'd probably bang her. He said the pretty one should be let go and the ugly one should be jailed.
Howard said he's thinking about starting a ''Junior High Bachelor'' show. He said that they have to look into the legalities of it though. Artie said they'd probably have to do it down in South America or something.
Howard said he ran out of time to do the Black History game today. He told Gary to remind him about it tomorrow.
Howard said he hopes that Janks is okay because he really likes the guy. He said that Janks was a legend doing the phony phone calls. He said that he's great and he wishes that he was still doing them. Artie said that Steve may be part of Janks' suicide letter after all of this.
Artie told Janks to go to court so he can get this stuff out of the way. Artie seems to be worried about him and has defended him when Steve has done stories about him in the past few weeks.
Steve said that Janks has failed to show up to more appearances this past weekend. Steve also mentioned that this Daryn Kagen chick they mentioned earlier was also pranked by Janks one time. They spent a short time talking about her being with Rush Limbaugh and how gross that must have been. They also played the Janks prank call to her where Janks called in as the San Diego Mayor during some major fires out there. He said that the fires were started by a blast of wind by Howard Stern's asshole.
Steve said that Robin was down in Miami over the weekend at a fashion show. Howard said that Steve was holding up a picture of her down there as evidence. Artie said that Robin stays buys because she was out with his sister on Thursday night too. Howard asked Robin what she and Stacy talked about there. Robin said that they were just out having fun and they didn't talk about Artie that much. She said that they thought that Artie was in a good place and didn't spend that much time on him.
Artie mentioned that Annemarie was also out with Stacy and Robin. Robin said that Annemarie has a boyfriend right now. Stacy is also dating. Artie said that Annemarie was also at Letterman that night when Dana and Stay were there. Howard asked Robin what was going on there. Robin had something to talk about but she stopped herself and said she'd tell them off the air.
Steve wrapped up his Howard 100 News preview but Howard asked him some more questions about what went on back stage there at Letterman. Artie said that Steve was out of the green room at Letterman within seconds of seeing Dana there with him. Steve ran out so he could call the offices with the story so they could get it on the air as soon as possible.
Robin said that Ralph is a big problem with her. She said that she told Ralph something off the air and then Howard was talking about it. Robin said that she called Ralph to talk to him about that and Ralph blamed Howard for being the big mouth but Robin told Ralph that he's the big mouth.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of stuff that they were going to be talking about on today's show.
Robin started off her news talking about how she was out to dinner with some very wealthy people over the weekend and even they were wincing when she told them the story about the $800 bottles of wine she ordered at dinner that night she was out with Howard. Howard said that Robin actually ordered 3 but Robin only took the blame for one but said she was going to pay Howard back for all three.
Howard asked Robin what she was doing down in Miami. Robin said that there was a charity event down there and she has some friends in the area so she went down. Howard asked her about going out to dinner with Stacy and Annemarie. Robin said that she and Annemarie have been trying to get together for dinner with Stacy for about 2 years now.
Robin said that she flew down to Florida on Friday and just relaxed for a while. Then she made some phone calls and her friend came over so they went out to dinner with some people. Robin said that she had her vegetables at dinner so Howard made fun of her about that. Howard asked her what she did on Saturday. Robin said she helped her friend Jodi start a fast. She's doing the same with Tim Sabean too. Howard said that Tim won't last more than 10 minutes on that.
Gary said that if Tim starts at 6 in the morning he won't make it past 3 in the afternoon. Howard said he thinks he could last longer than that. Robin said that she went out to lunch with Tim recently and he ended up ordering steamed vegetables just like she did. They were at a steak house and he did that.
Robin said that she was home by 3 o'clock on Sunday afternoon after her trip to Florida. She said that's where she ran into all of those people she mentioned earlier. She said she even saw Anna Kournikova. She said she really had a heavy Russian accent and she didn't know just how heavy it was.
Robin got to her news and read some stuff about Rihanna and Chris Brown getting back together and making up. Robin said that Oprah Winfrey has weighed in on the whole thing. Oprah said that if a man hits you once, he will hit you again and they need to get therapy. Howard played the audio of her taking about that and said that was kind of interesting. He said that she keeps all of the interesting stuff for her TV show and saves the boring stuff for her radio show.
Robin read some more details about the Chris Brown and Rihanna thing and had some details about what he did to her that night they got into their fight.
Ralph called in and said that Oprah pussied out with those two because they're black. Ralph said that she didn't really go off on them like she could have. She should have said that Brown was an animal for allegedly attacking Rihanna the way he did.
Ralph also said that it was ridiculous that Tim was going to go on this fast. Ralph said that Tim has to learn how to eat instead of doing this fast. Robin said that he will learn how to eat but he has to do this fast right now.
Howard said that he once went out to dinner with Sam Kinison and Sam wanted to be healthy so he had some spinach but it was creamed spinach. He said that was probably the worst thing he could have eaten.
Howard asked Robin if she had anything else. Tim came walking in a short time later. Tim had a bottle of some kind of organic drink and said that it was the equivalent of a bunch of vegetables. Tim said that he's going to do it all too. He's going to do the enema thing too. Gary said that Tim isn't supposed to eat solid food for the next 21 days. Tim said that he's going to do it. Howard said that he doesn't think he'll do it.
Robin said that she's on the 21 day fast too. Artie asked Tim why he can't just eat 3 regular meals a day instead of getting so drastic with this. Tim said that he has to do this because he can't just eat 3 regular meals. Artie told Tim that if he doesn't do it the way Robin does it, it's not going to work.
Tim said he wants to get healthy. Howard asked who is making the drinks for him. Robin said that James is out there watching over him. Tim said that the drink tastes like steak. Howard asked when he gets to drink more. Tim said he has two hours to wait. He said it's mind over matter.
Artie told Tim that he's going to kill someone on this fast. Tim said he hopes so. Robin told Tim that these people want him to fail and they want him to stay in their club. Artie said he hopes it works out but realistically he has to change his life.
Howard told Tim to call him tonight when he's eating his dinner. Robin said that Tim will be eating soup for dinner. Howard said that Tim should have come to him for advice on dieting. He said that his diet is much easier than this fasting thing he's on.
Ralph was on the phone again and said that Tim is going to lose the weight in an unnatural way and he's going to look like a deflated fat guy. He said that it won't suit Tim to lose that kind of weight. Robin asked Ralph why she doesn't look that way. Ralph said that's because she was skinny at one time and she lost the weight. Tim has apparently been a big man for a long time. Howard had to cut them off so he could take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:20am, we heard a prank call that Ham Hands Bill made to a flower shop asking them to write a note to Robin.
Howard came back as Fred was playing Prince's ''Purple Rain'' and talked about how good the song was. He said he liked the movie too. Howard wondered where Robin was because he wanted to get out of there. She showed up a few seconds later and said that she was pulling a sound clip.
Robin read a story about this guy they call ''Diaper Boy'' out in Utah who is 31 years old and yanks his pants down to show kids that he's wearing a diaper.
Howard read a story about an NPR guy who has admitted that he had downloaded child pornography. Howard read that the guy had his computer worked on and the techs who were working on it found the child porn and turned the guy in. Howard said that they should blackmail people like that instead of turning them right in.
Robin read that Paul Harvey Jr. was talking about how ''a great tree had fallen'' as he was talking about his father's death.
Robin said that there was a picture of Drew Barrymore in the paper today and it looked nothing like Drew. Howard said that it might be an airbrushed picture and he's not sure how that helps her career. Howard said that she just doesn't look anything like that photo.
Robin told Howard that his favorite show ''Dancing with the Stars'' is back for another season. Howard said that he can't say that it's his favorite show because he stopped watching it last season. Robin rattled off the names of the people who are going to be on the show this season. She had some audio clips of some of the people from the show talking about what they had coming up this season.
Robin had some news about Britney Spears and played some of her hit song ''Circus'' and that led to Howard and Artie goofing on that a little bit. Robin said that Britney visited a hospital in Florida over the weekend and signed autographs with some kids there. Robin said that Britney is just about naked on stage during her shows and she's out hanging out with little kids at the hospital.
Robin read some news about The Monkees member Peter Tork having cancer. She played the Monkees theme song. Fred threw in Gary's monkey making sounds while that was playing. Robin said that Peter is doing well after an operation he had last week.
Robin had some news about Senator Ted Kennedy so Howard went right into his impression of the guy. They were celebrating his birthday over the weekend so Robin had some audio of that. Howard did his Kennedy impression for a few minutes as Robin was trying to get through the story.
Robin read some news about the woman who called 911 from McDonald's when she wasn't able to get her McNuggets. Howard replayed the 911 call that he played last week. Robin said that the woman says that she's been held up to public embarrassment and she can't believe what has happened to her now that the call has been released. Howard said that's what happens when you do weird things. He said that he does agree with her about them not giving her the money back. He said Burger King should hire her to do commercials for them. Howard said he was thinking about her call because she called 911 to complain about them not giving her money back when they said they were out of McNuggets. They told her to pick something else off the menu and that's when she called 911. He said he thinks she may have a point.
Robin said that another customer at McDonald's threw his sandwich at the woman working in the drive up window when his breakfast sandwich didn't have an egg in it.
That led to Howard playing another 911 call where a woman called from Burger King to complain about how she had placed her order but they were all in there mopping the floors instead. The woman kept complaining about her burger not being right and asked the 911 operator to send the cops down to make sure they made her burger right. The operator told her that they can't send the police down to do that.
Robin read a story about a high school boy who went on Facebook and posed as a girl to get guys from his class to send nude photos of themselves. Then he'd send them nude photos of a girl. They're prosecuting the student after he got 7 boys to respond. He's being charged with blackmail.
Robin read a story about a man being investigated for allegedly owning an endangered ape up in Connecticut. She read about this 49 year old guy who is due in court today about that. That led to the guys talking about the woman who had the chimpanzee that attacked her friend. Howard wondered what's more dangerous, someone who falls in love with her monkey or one who falls in love with her bow and arrow. They figured that the woman with the chimp was the more dangerous one. The bow isn't going to hurt anyone on its own.
Robin had some news about a congressman who was talking about Obama's plan to fix the economy and how it's not working so far. He thinks that they have to tighten the country's belt and cut back on spending.
Howard said that they just did 5 hours of show today and that was 5 months worth of Oprah Winfrey's radio shows.
Robin read some news about the movies that were out this past weekend and how well they were doing. She had a couple of other stories they did and then wrapped up. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Gary said that Tim should start with a 5 day fast or something like that. Jon said that he should start with a one day fast. He figured that Tim is going to be eating tonight by dinner.
Jason said that Tim can't diet normally. He said that in the weight loss contest he barely lost anything. He said that even when Tim is on a regular diet he's ready to bite people's heads off by 3 in the afternoon.
Benjy said that he believes in fasting and he thinks that Tim will lose weight. He said that Tim has no choices to make in a fast so it can be easier than a regular diet.
Jason said that Benjy is the master of these weird diets and he knows that they don't work. Benjy said that they do work, it just depends on if you can stick with them or not. Gary said they don't work because Benjy never sticks with them.
Jon said that Tim isn't going to be able to drink these juices all day long. Benjy said he thinks that it can work. Jason said that Robin is consumed with this stuff and she has the time to do it. Tim is busy all day long and he's just not going to be able to do it.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that Tim is going to last 21 days without eating food. Benjy said he doesn't think he'll make it through the whole thing. Gary said that he doesn't think Tim will make it past today. He said that its' too extreme. He said that not eating is just too much for someone like him. Jason said that it is a major switch to make when you do something like that.
Jason said that he tried to diet and even that didn't work for very long. Jason was good at first but he just wasn't able to stick to eating broccoli every day for lunch.
Gary said that he went down to Del Frisco's one time when he was on his diet and he didn't eat. He said that it's very hard to do something like that and he doesn't think Tim will be able to do it.
Gary talked about how he lost a bunch of weight in a weight loss challenge show but it's not easy to stay on that kind of diet.
Benjy said that you have to learn to eat only when you're hungry. Jason said it matters how much you eat too though.
Gary said that he thinks that Benjy will be right back at the weight he was at before his diet by the end of their contract.
Jason said that Tim also said that he's going to do the whole enema thing too. Jon said that Howard TV should be taping this whole diet and paying for it for him. Gary said that Tim gets very cranky when he doesn't eat so people are locking their desks and stuff.
Jason said that he thinks that the more shit you get from people, the easier it is to break your diet. He said that Tim is probably going to snap soon.
Doug asked the guys if they know what Tim does at the gym because he seems to go and gets even fatter. Jon said it must be muscle.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason always tells jokes that have Jewish references in it and he doesn't get any of the jokes. Jason said he didn't know what jokes he was telling. The guy said that he had a reference to Yom Kippur earlier. Jason said that he doesn't always tell those jokes so he's not sure what he's talking about. The guy said he swears he doesn't know what Yom Kippur is. The guys told him that you fast during Yom Kippur.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that they're not talking more about Robin admitting that she was wrong about the $800 bottle of wine she ordered that night she was out with Howard. Gary said that he didn't know that she had done that. Jason said that he doesn't think they should be patting Robin on the back for realizing she was wrong 6 months later.
The guys talked more about the fasting and what they're going to let Tim get away with if he does eat something.
Ralph called in and said that he thought Gary got away with something earlier today when he said that Spike Lee didn't sound like Spike Lee because he didn't sound black when he called the show one time. Gary said that he was able to get through that story today without Artie busting on him because Artie had a mouth full of food. Gary said that he didn't think that Spike sounded like him so he got hung up on. Ralph was goofing on Gary about all of that and laughing at him while no one else was laughing.
Ralph also said that he thinks that Tim can get through the fast and he may just pull it off. He said that if he does cheat they may not even find out about it. Ralph said that Tim is just grasping at straws now though and he's doing this as a last resort.
Ralph said that Tim isn't going to just go and eat vegetables somewhere either. He said that he thinks that Robin will stick with Tim through this whole thing too. He said that this is like Robin's way of proving that her dieting works. Ralph said that if Tim got down to like 180-200 pounds he might look good. He said that if he was any lighter than that he might look odd.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how long this fast lasts. The guys told him it's 3 weeks long. The guy said that there's no way he's going to do it.
The caller also asked why they don't put out a DVD set of the old shows and stuff. The guy said that they could put out Butt Bongo Fiesta and stuff like that. Gary said that Howard always promised people that when he put stuff out like that, he'd never put it out again. Gary said that it would be nice if it was out on DVD though.
A caller asked about the IMDB star tracker stuff they were talking about earlier. The guy wanted to know where the Wack Packers rank on that list.
Gary said that he and Sal had a bit of a run in this morning. He said that Sal was running late this morning and he was there in the building but not at work in the building. Gary said that Sal was having some stomach trouble and he was looking for Imodium. Gary said that Sal has to just call him and let him know if he's going to be late. He said that Sal was too embarrassed to send an intern to get Imodium and had to get it on his own.
Jon said that the theory is that Sal was late because he didn't set his clocks. Gary said that's possible. He said that Sal was claiming that he was in the building but he's not sure if he actually was. Gary wanted Sal to come down to the studio but Jon got a note saying that he was refusing to come down.
Wheels called in and said that he was looking at Sal's title on Facebook and he has himself with the title of ''Writer.'' Gary said that's right, he is a writer on the show.
Sal showed up and said that this was very mean of Gary to bring up the whole stomach problem thing. Gary didn't know what he was talking about. Gary said that what he was going to say had nothing to do with the story.
Sal said that he went to Penn Station and took a hefty dump there. He said that he had to do it there because his stomach was killing him so bad. Sal said that it was either that or shit on the train and he didn't want to do that.
Sal said that he had to shit after he shit so he had to sit down and do it again. Sal said that he went to work and didn't want to ask an intern to get him Imodium so he wanted to get it on his own. Sal said that he didn't want to bother a good looking, young, female, intern to get him that stuff. Gary said that there are guys there who could have done that for him too. Sal said that he was thinking of having a girl do it and wasn't even thinking of having one of the guys do it. Sal said he wouldn't bother any of the guys to do that.
Benjy asked Sal where he went after he left Penn Station. Sal said that he was in the city by 6:15 but he didn't get to work until about 6:20 or so. Benjy said that the news team can check into that if he wants. Sal said that he can make everyone happy if he just tells them that he showed up late because he forgot to set his clocks.
Sal said that the whole thing with his stomach came out is because he got into an argument with his wife about her beef stew. He said that all of this is because of that. He said that it all got blown up into a whole thing. Gary said that he didn't even want him to bring that up so he'd better not hear him complaining about it on the air tomorrow like it's his fault for bringing it up.
Sal said that he went to Duane Reed to get some Imodium and they weren't open until 7. Gary said that there's one right around the corner that's open 24 hours a day. Sal said he wasn't thinking about that.
Sal said that he's feeling better now that he took the Imodium. He said he wishes that he was late because of Daylight Savings Time but that's not the case.
Sal explained how he and his wife were arguing with each other about their cooking so they decided not to insult each other anymore. Then his wife complained about the fried rice he made last night and it upset him. He said that he likes to cook and he thinks that he knows how to cook and she doesn't. Sal said that she does know how to cook now but she didn't used to know how.
Sal said he likes to cook for his family and his kids seem to enjoy it. Sal said that he knows now how to make this fried rice now that she's complained about it. Jon had to end that discussion so they could go to break.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about the discussion Howard had about the Dr. who was telling the story about the panel he was on with Howard and Morley Safer. Gary said that he had no recollection of Howard doing an interview with Morley and he got consumed with that.
Jon said that there have been many people who have claimed to have gone to school with Howard and met him at WNBC and places like that but they just make those stories up.
Gary brought up the comparison to Larry King telling the Sandy Koufax stories. Gary said that they tried to get Sandy on the show but all they got was a statement from his people who said that Sandy had never met Larry King.
Sal said that he uses Larry King as a hope that Howard will hang on and keep doing the shows as he gets older. He said that Larry is still going strong and maybe Howard will be able to do that. Gary said that Larry and Howard aren't motivated the same way. Sal said that he thinks that Howard will have the fire in his belly to keep going after the two years of his contract are up. Sal said that he thinks that Howard is still young looking and looks great.
A caller asked if Benjy cheated on his weigh in when they had the weight loss challenge. Benjy said he absolutely didn't. He wasn't sure how much weight he could have put up his butt like the caller was suggesting he could. Teddy said that he could have shoved a Bar Snake, a motorcycle handle bar thing filled with lead, up his ass to gain a couple of pounds.
Tim said that he's also trying to feel great. Sal said ''Yeah, I know when I don't eat I feel great.'' Tim said that everything is working so far. He also said that he weighed in at 267 pounds before he started this ''cleanse.''
Jon asked Tim how he's going to do this for 21 days. Tim said that he got the offer and Robin wanted to do it with him so he took her up on the offer. Tim said that he and Robin were talking about her weight loss and she told him what she was doing to lose it. Tim said that she offered to have him do it and he took her up on the offer.
Tim said that he's only been into this for 5 hours and 52 minutes so far. Last night he said he had meatballs. Sal said that he's giving all of that good food for some quack who is into this wacky stuff. Gary told Sal that they're not quacks.
Jon asked Tim what it is about this cleanse that's going to help him out. Tim said that he's going to get off of all of the sugars and foods that you're addicted to. He said that he needs to lay out his food eating the same way he lays out the stuff he does during the day. He said that it wasn't like that when he would eat in the past.
Tim said that he has had a few different juices so far and they were pretty good. He said that he had a fruit juice that was very good and the vegetable drink was good too.
Gary told Tim that he's going to be in the bathroom like Sal was today. Benjy said that he won't be like that because he won't be eating food. He said that Tim needs to take the enemas because the food won't be coming out like it normally would.
Tim said that he has the support of the people around him to help him with this stuff. Sal told him that everyone thinks he's out of his mind and he's got to just eat and go work out. Jon said that Robin looks great. Sal said that's a bad example. He said that she's out of her mind too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about a few new songs about Robin that he was previewing before the show. He played them for Robin and asked her what she thought. He said a couple of them were from ''Little Mikey'' and one was from his mom. First up was ''Penis Inside'' and it got laughs from Robin and Howard immediately. After that was ''Will You Fuck Me'' which also got some laughs from Robin and Howard. Robin said that it started off a little slow. Fred thought it was good and very inspired. Howard played the next one which was Mikey's mom but Howard thought it was Mikey when he heard him singing ''Robin Is So Fuckin Hot.''
Howard said that Little Mikey was three for three with those songs. Howard told Fred to put them all into rotation.
Howard said that Russell Brand will be coming in today as well. Howard said that he's got about 10 new films coming out. Howard said he's got an interesting background and he was on heroin for like 10 years. Artie said that he heard about that. He also said he heard that he's pretty funny in his stand-up.
Howard said that they also have Steven Adler stopping by today to promote a new song. Howard said that it's like a heroin party day there on the show.
Howard said that they might have to compare Artie, Steven and Russell to see who was the best at heroin. Artie said that he must not be as bad as Steve because he's not talking out of the side of his mouth like Steve is. They spent a short time talking about Axl Rose in that discussion as well.
Howard said he was reading that this Bernie Madoff guy made a deal with the Feds in his case. Howard said that they should give him at least life in prison. Howard said the guy is like 70 so it wouldn't take much. Howard said that they should make him reveal where the money is and who else was involved in his scheme.
Howard said he read some other news about A-Rod having his hip surgery. He said that they had to repair a tear in there and remove a cyst. The guys talked about that for a short time. Howard said that the pain may be a mental pain based on what he has learned from Dr. Sarno.
Howard said that their old station K-Rock is changing formats and Opie and Anthony were released from the station (Opie and Anthony get ax from K-Rock). Howard said that he feels kind of bad for them because they were going to kick their asses. He said that they were on terrestrial radio and were able to talk about SIRIUS XM so that was the one thing that was a benefit to them. Howard said they were supposed to be the new morning guys and they were supposed to rise up and take over. That won't be happening now.
Howard said that David Lee Roth took over for him after he left K-Rock but that failed after just a couple of months. Howard said that Opie and Anthony went in after that and were supposed to take the throne. That never really happened though and they weren't able to save the floundering ratings.
Howard said that it's not easy to be number one on one station. He said that he was number one for many years over there. Howard said that it was because of their ratings that they were able to keep that station any format that they wanted there. Howard said that's how they were able to keep it a rock station as long as they did.
Artie said that he thinks that Howard became number one in 1988 or 89 and they were number one for almost the whole time. Howard said there were only a couple of ratings books when they weren't number one.
Howard said that he opened the paper this morning and there was nothing in there about Opie and Anthony being fired. He said that he thinks that almost every one of their stations has switched formats over the past couple of years. Howard said that if he announced that he was going back to terrestrial radio, he could do it all over again because it's so easy for him to do it. Howard said it's not even a challenge now.
Howard said that he could do it even though things would be tough with the language thing. He said that it would be very frustrating for him to do it with all of the rules on terrestrial radio but he knows that he could do it.
Howard said that it was an amazing feat what they did on terrestrial. He said that no one wants to acknowledge that fact but they will eventually realize what he did and they'll be begging him to come out.
Howard said that he's not talking about afternoon radio or anything like that. He's talking about morning radio. He said no one in history has ever been able to put it together like they did.
Artie said that it was amazing that they were able to do it without doing any local news and weather. Howard said that they didn't need any of that. He said that he told stations to stay out of that and leave the show alone.
Howard said that he's gloating about this today and he is kind of happy about what has happened to his old stations.
Howard said that when they were doing well they were able to base advertising rates on the success of their show throughout the day on the station. He doesn't think that anyone will ever be able to recreate what they did on radio. He said that the ratings are the test and they are what prove what happened. He said that they were huge and there's no denying that. Howard said they have to be likeable and you have to have a brain in your head to make it happen.
Howard said that if he was going to write a book about the experience, he'd just say ''Be born, be Howard Stern.'' He said that Imus tried to recreate his success by calling his mom, not his own mom, Howard's mom. Howard said that there are so many assholes in radio and they just can't do what he did.
Howard said this was a great tribute to their show that this whole thing has happened. He said that it's a great day. Howard said that it's fine to say that they're going to beat them and call them assholes but they have to actually do it. Howard said that the company handed those guys a franchise and they blew it.
Ralph asked Howard how they let him go from that station. Howard said that what led to it was a couple of things. Howard said that he used to sit them down and tell them that they ran too many commercials. They didn't listen to him. He said that they were sucking the life out of him. They were running 23-25 minutes of commercial an hour in the end. Howard said that it infuriated him to the point where he couldn't sleep at night.
Robin said that they thought that they had figured something out and they were the geniuses. Howard said that it became his problem and he had to hold the audience through those 25 minutes of commercials.
Howard said that the FCC got so far up his ass that he found it hard to continue. He said that he became sour on everyone after that because no one was supporting him and his fight against the FCC. He said it eventually became their fight and they left him out of it and took over and told him to leave it alone.
Howard said that the company found it his fault and not the fact that no one was supporting the fight against the vague rules of the FCC.
Howard said that after 20 years doing radio he got a bottle of wine as a gift. That was it. He said that he knew what those stations were making in advertising and what the stations were worth at the time and he knows that they could have afforded something nicer. He said that he sat there wondering why they weren't treating him better. Howard said that he knew that they were going to make a fortune off of his name and hard work and they had an arrogance.
Howard said that because of all of that he started to think about making his move to satellite. He said that some things were out of their control and he even warned them that he was thinking of making the move to satellite radio. He doesn't think they took him seriously when he said that though.
Howard said that there were certain deals being made in the company with him and they were going back on those deals so he had to get out of there. Howard said that they didn't recognize his value there. He said that the first blow was to get on satellite and then bring millions of listeners over. He said then he was able to watch them crumble over there when they brought in his replacements.
Ralph said that they were doing anything they could and they failed every time. Howard said he was thinking about XM radio yesterday and how Oprah isn't doing anything for them over there. Robin said that set her up last night because she was out at the new movie ''Tyson'' and there was a woman in the elevator with her and it turned out to be one of the editors of ''O'' magazine and when she introduced herself to her, the woman gave her an upsetting ''Oh.''
Howard said that he doesn't mind that Oprah is doing what she has to do with that one hour a month she does. He said that she shouldn't be sticking Dr. Maya Angelou on her channel though. He said that she should hand back that 50 million she gets over there.
Howard said that he heard that this guy Logan put together the channel over there and now he's working for her TV show and not even her radio show.
Howard said that Oprah's name is a big brand and having her on must have some kind of value. Howard said that people are letting Oprah behave the way she is with her channel and that's their fault. Robin was saying that she has a totally different energy level on that radio show and the TV show. She said she was shot out of a cannon on her TV show and very laid back on the radio show.
Howard said he loves this company because they saved him from the hell that was terrestrial radio. Howard said he doesn't get why Opie and Anthony got $3.5 million though. He said that they're not the only guys who failed, everyone who replaced them has failed.
Howard said that CBS even cut up the country and gave different guys different parts of the country. Howard said that they're all gone now though. Ralph laughed and said that's so great. Robin said that the company did everything to piss off the fans when they put on those different people.
Howard said he's happy that Bubba is doing well down in Florida. Robin said she's surprised that more stations aren't grabbing Bubba up.
Howard said that he has no desire to go back on regular radio but the only reason he would is to prove how easy it is for him to be number one.
Howard said that's the end of K-Rock as they knew it and it doesn't surprise him at all. Fred played ''Taps'' and Fred laughed. Robin said that when she heard the plans for that station and what they had planned there it was a riot. They though things were going to be okay over there. Howard said he didn't want to name names over there because they weren't there to destroy people today.
Howard said he knows what's going on and he's not going to shut up about it. He said that he's going to continue to talk about how awful the Dr. Maya Angelou show is and he'll keep playing clips from the show.
Gary said that the news department was waiting to hear the news on Oprah's channel and they were all happy when they ran the wrong news cast where the anchor told people to set their clocks back a few days late.
Howard played some of the Oprah Channel show with Maya Angelou to show people the kind of shit shows they're putting on her channel at XM. It was the same clip he played yesterday. Howard said that her comments were actually pretty profound but she was telling the guy the stuff in such a boring way. Howard said that he might actually like Maya Angelou.
Howard said that Oprah is treating the radio deal like it's some step-child. Howard said that she shouldn't be doing that.
Gary said that if you listen to that audio clip again you can hear that it sounds like Oprah didn't even record that for the radio station, it sounds like something from her TV show. They just edited it together. He said that she may have just taken the clip from her TV show. Howard said that it was questionable there.
Howard said that he and Beth just have something together and it works so well that it's great. He said that she's very easy to love.
The caller asked if Tim Sabean is sticking with his fast. Gary said that Tim just came to his office and Tim told him he's doing fine and it's not that hard.
Howard said that Tim is trying to lose some weight and he's one of those guys who always wants to know how people lose weight. Howard said he's told Tim not to eat so much and put tape over his mouth. Howard said that Tim tried to lose weight with Chuck Zito and wasn't able to lose anything. Howard said that he knows that Tim is going to try with this diet for a few days but he will give up on it soon enough.
Tim came in and said that he's not doing a fast, it's a detox. He said that it's not that hard so far. Howard said that it's going to get worse for him and he still thinks that it's not going to work.
Tim said that Howard was heavy for a little while and he had to just change the way things were. Howard said that the problem is that Tim gets cranky when he doesn't eat and there are some people who are upset that he's on this diet.
Tim said that he had tea this morning. Howard asked him if he shit yesterday. Tim said he actually did. Fred played some fart sounds when that came up. Tim was talking about this diet and Fred played the clips over him talking.
Howard said that Steve Wozniak was very uncoordinated but he kind of liked the guy. He said that he thought that he looked almost like he had a bit of mongoloid in him.
Howard talked about some of the other dancers on the show and how bad they were. He said that some of the girls were really hot though. He said that its probably hard to get some people on the show but some of the people just don't belong there.
Howard said that Jewel's husband is on the show and he's not sure if that guy is fully mentally capable. Howard said that she's got a different image for him now than she used to. Howard said that maybe they should start paying people better to do that show to get some decent people on there.
Howard said that there's one guy on that show who did one nude scene for ''Sex and the City'' and he's one of the ''stars.'' Howard said that they're stretching their minds for who is actually a celebrity. It makes you wonder what they're doing.
Howard said that the ratings have to take a dive this season. Howard said that they should get that Octomom chick on there. Maybe Chris Brown would be good on there. Someone who is famous. Howard said they could get someone like Robert Blake. Robin said that she thought he was going to say Robert Plant. Howard said that would be good too. Maybe Sarah Palin would be good.
Howard said that they have to invest in the show and not just treat it like a summer replacement. He said that they could get that Sully guy who landed the plane in the Hudson. He said that's the kind of people that they need on there.
Robin said that they offered her a shot on the show but she didn't want to go out to L.A. to do it. Howard said that Robin is so into the show that she would never consider it. Artie said that it could be good for the show. Howard said that Robin makes her bones there and doesn't need to do that show. Artie said he knows that but it might be funny.
Howard said that Adam Carolla did that show and it almost killed him trying to do his radio show and that dancing show.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked about his peeing problems. Howard said that his penis tends to leak after he goes to the bathroom. He said that it drips and drips when he's done and he almost has to wipe it. Howard said that he pisses and it just keeps coming out. Artie said that he has similar problems. Howard said that when he was a little kid he remembers his dad taking a piece of toilet paper to wipe his dick. He said that he wondered what that was about. He said when he was younger he didn't have to do that. Howard said that he doesn't want to wipe it like that.
Howard said that if he doesn't wipe it then there are drops of pee in his underwear. He said he was considering just wiping it on the bottom of his shirt. Robin said that's an old man move. Howard said that he can't stand that whole thing.
Howard said that he was having stain problems on his pants. He said that he was dripping so much that it was getting onto his pants. Howard said that Beth once asked him if he had pissed his pants. Howard said he was too embarrassed to even admit it to Beth at the time.
Another caller said that Howard is in too much of a hurry and he has that little bit left over. He said that it used to happen to him and he would walk away too soon. The caller said that if he just stands there a little bit longer he'll be done and he'll feel a tingle in his ass cheeks. No one was sure what he was talking about with the tingle.
Howard said that he hates peeing because it interrupts his day. Artie said that he hates waking up just because he has to pee. Howard said that he's in a rush to get back to what he was doing so that might be his problem. The caller told him to just stand there a little longer. Howard said he knows, he just said that to him. He had to hang up on that guy since he was repeating himself.
Robin said that she remembers listening to someone peeing and it was like ''brrrp, brrrp, brrrp...'' Howard said that's what it's like for him.
Howard took some more calls. A couple of guys told him that they've also pissed themselves so it's not even just his age. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and asked what was going on with Janine Lindemulder. He said that he was going to tell her story if he could get her on the phone. Robin asked how she's looking these days. Howard said that she looks good on her web site. Howard said she's very heavily tattooed though.
Howard said that Janine got married to some guy who was a truck driver. Gary said that he was her first husband. Then she got married to Ricky Rachtman. Now she's married to some other guy and going to jail for not paying taxes. She has to go in for 6 months and then she's going to have to get back into porn to make money so it's very complicated.
Howard said that Janine is looking at jail like it's a spa visit. He said that she wants to get into shape while she's there. Howard said the judge threw the book at her because she went out and bought a house before she paid off her taxes. The judge apparently told her that she should have paid her taxes instead of buying a house.
Gary said that they should have her up in about 10 seconds. Howard counted down and said ''and now...' but she wasn't ready yet. Gary said it might be 20 seconds. Fred kept playing the little kid saying ''Baba Booey'' over and over every time Gary would speak this morning.
Howard said that Gary used to masturbate to Janine when they first met her. Gary said that he really was in love with her back then.
They finally got Janine on the phone and Howard asked her if she had ever been to jail before. She said that she had been in for possession of Meth. She said that was back in the early 90s. She said that it wasn't really her thing and she never did it again. She said that this new thing is kind of surreal for her.
Howard asked Janine what she does the night before she goes to jail. She said that she's going to one of those places that has less security than others. She said that most of the women are drug offenders. Janine said that she's with her sister and her son right now and she chose to hang out with them before going. She said that her son is 17 years old. Howard asked how old her other kid is. She said that she's 5. Janine said that she'll be with her dad, Jesse James, and Sandra Bullock. Janine said that she has never really been able to communicate with Sandra so it's very weird that her daughter is going to be with them. She said that she can't even talk to her ex-husband. She said that they're just not to that point that they can speak.
Janine said that Jesse and her broke up when she was 8 months pregnant. She said that Jesse and Sandra met around that time and they went off on their own. She said that she doesn't blame Sandra for the break up or anything.
Janine said that Jesse and Sandra are going to have custody of her daughter while she's in jail. She said that she hopes to get custody back when she gets out. Howard said he thinks that Sandra should sit down with Janine and talk to her about the kid. Janine said that would have been nice.
Janine said that Jesse and Sandra weren't even in her daughter's life for the first 3 years of her life. Janine said that she was going to try and start her life in another state. She moved to Oregon and then it came around where they did want contact and she thought that was great. Janine said that she was making baby books and trying to keep Jesse in the loop. She said it was tough getting through to him but then one day it kind of snapped. She said that Jesse tried to get 100 percent custody after not having any contact with her for 3 years. She said that they eventually agreed to 50/50 custody... until now that is.
Howard asked Janine if they tried to use the jail thing against her. She said that was brought up. She also said that they might try to get full custody while she's in jail too. She said that she's pretty sure that now that she has this new web site, FreeJanine.com, they might try to get full custody. Janine said that she had to figure out a way to support her son during her time in jail and this is the way she's doing it.
Janine said she thinks that she's doing some stuff that has never been done before on the site. Howard said that must be something wild then. She said that she was doing this stuff in the past so it shouldn't be an issue for Jesse.
Howard asked her what she's doing that's never been done before. Janine said that it's something that has been on her mind before. She said that it's transgender stuff. She said that there is a woman by the name of Vanity who she has been in love with for a long time. Janine said that she's the most beautiful Latino woman. She said that she still has her male plumbing. Howard said that's a dude then. Janine insisted that she's a woman but Howard insisted that he's a dude.
Howard asked Janine if she sucks her penis. Janine said ''Oh yes!'' Howard said that most transgender people don't like their penises touched. Janine said that the penis and balls are the only things left on her that are male. Janine said that this is great for a woman who likes girls and cocks. She said it's like the best of both worlds.
Howard asked Janine if she's still holding up and still hot. Janine said that the pictures on her site are current and she thinks that she still looks great.
Howard asked Janine about the taxes she didn't pay. Janine said that her taxes weren't handled very well and someone ratted her out to the feds. She said that it was one of her ex's. It sounded like she was blaming Jesse for her tax problems.
Howard said that the jail is going to be in a frenzy when Janine shows up. He said that there will be women fighting over her and even the guards are going to go crazy. Janine said that she will be blogging about it all while she's in there. She will be hand writing it all and mailing it to her guys to put up on her web site.
Howard asked Janine what they do about cavity searches. She said that she knows that she will have to squat and cough to make sure there's nothing in there. She also welcomed them to stick fingers in her ass.
Gary said that he was just reminded about the time Janine came in and helped him get hard for the penis measurements. He said that he had an erection in about 20 seconds that day.
Howard asked Janine if she remembered begin in Cleveland and asked her if she would have considered doing anything with him. Janine said that she would have because he is Howard after all.
Howard said he hopes that she's okay in jail. He said that he worries about her. He told her that he's going to try to get Sandra thrown in jail for her.
Howard asked Janine what she was going to be wearing in jail. She said that she's going to have one color to wear and that's khaki. She said that she hopes to have some kind of job in there that will keep her busy. She was hoping to be able to pull weeds or something. Howard said that he's seen her pulling weeds and she's going to be good at that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard wondered if she's going to wear panties in jail the day she goes in. Robin had some other questions for her too but Howard had already let her go.
Artie said that Janine was one of the girls that Howard had on the Tonight Show with him. Howard said that's true. He said that she was great. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Russell is supposed to be hosting the VMA Awards again. Russell said that hasn't been confirmed yet.
Howard said that Russell was molested as a kid so he asked him about that. Russell said that his family was great and it wasn't his family that molested him. Howard asked him what had happened. Russell said that it was a neighbor and he had used it in a way that made it seem like it was some kind of a reward system for doing well in school.
Russell said that it was a terrible reward system and it didn't make him any better at math. Howard said that the guy must have been much older. Russell said that if it was one of his peers it wouldn't have been molestation, it would have been a date.
Russell said that the guy would cup his nuts after sticking his hand down his pants and then sometimes there would be a digit that went up his ass.
Howard read that Russell had been with ''thousands'' of women. Howard asked him if that's because of the molestation. Russell said that he didn't think that's what it was. He said that the women thing is an affirmation of his masculinity and it wasn't because of the molestation.
Howard asked Russell about this woman that he claims that he lost his virginity to. Russell said that the woman was probably in her late 50s and not 60s like Howard had said. Russell said that he actually didn't lose his virginity to her, he lost it to a prostitute at 16. Russell said that his father actually brought him to the hooker. He said that his parents had broken up when he was born so he didn't spend a lot of time with his father.
Howard read that Russell and his dad were fucking hookers in the same room. Russell said that was an accurate portrayal. He said that it was kind of off putting to have that going on. He said that they went to a bar and there were women dancing in swimsuits in this bar. Then the women come over and start talking to you and then they come back to the hotel with you.
Russell said that he fell in love with this woman and he did have some trouble getting an erection because he was in the room with his dad. His dad had two women at the same time and he was right next to him.
Howard asked Russell about the sex thing and said that it had to be tough for him. He said that later in his life he got addicted to heroin for 4 years. Russell was addicted to some other stuff for a total of about 11 years. Howard asked him if he thinks that it's a reaction to his bizarre childhood. Russell said that he's gone through a lot and things have turned out alright for him.
Robin told Russell to tell Artie that he needs to go away and get clean like he did. Russell said he had to go away for 3 months.
Russell said that heroin is a great drug when you want to have a blanket of nothingness around you. He said that he was smoking it with crack off some foil. Russell said that he was working at MTV at the time and he had the money to afford the habit.
Howard asked Russell if he was getting paid a lot at MTV. He said it was a lot at the time because he was living on welfare before that.
Howard gave Russell a plug for his book ''My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up'' and talked about that a little bit.
Howard asked Russell if he fucked any of the chicks in ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'' Russell said that he didn't and it was very tough not to while he was out on that island for 3 months.
Howard asked Russell about something that he had written about trying to prove that he wasn't gay by jerking off a man. Russell said that he did it on TV and he didn't like doing it. He said that he went out to a gay bar and found this guy and asked him if he could jerk him off in the bathroom. The guy agreed to it and they went into the bathroom and tried it. He said that the other guy wanted to jerk him off too but he didn't want to do it but the producer told him to do it. Russell said that was the only gay experience he ever had and he never even got excited over it or anything like that. He said that his penis looked like play-doh and chicken skin after that.
Howard read that Russell had Kate Moss. Russell said that she's like a magical fairy person. Howard said that he thinks that she's had drug problems too. Russell said he didn't know anything about that. Howard read that he had been with Amy Winehouse but Russell said that she's just a friend of his. He said that he didn't do anything with her. He hopes that she's going to be alright.
Howard read that he had been with Courtney Love too. Russell said that she's another friend. Howard asked if he had any other famous women. Russell didn't have any to add to the list.
Howard read that Russell likes hookers. Russell said that he did like to get them when he was younger. He said that he didn't want the whole heart break thing of getting a woman other than a hooker.
Howard told Russell about Artie falling for one of his hookers who stopped making him pay. Russell said that's a big deal when they stop making you pay. He said that it's almost like you're Christopher Columbus discovering America.
Howard asked Russell about the movies he has coming up. Russell said that he's going to be remaking ''Arthur'' and Howard said that seems like something that's going to be hard to remake. Artie was oddly silent during that discussion.
Howard gave Russell some plugs for the book and a book signing he's going to be doing. Howard asked him why Bob Geldoff called him a cunt. Russell said he figured that Bob thought he was one.
Gary asked if it was true that he came in to work at MTV dressed up as Osama bin Laden after 9/11. Russell said that he was on crack at the time and he even brought his drug dealer with him to work that day. He ended up getting fired that day for dressing up like that. Howard said that they paid him to be wild and then when he got a little too wild they fired him.
Howard asked Russell about his ''Booky Wook'' and where that came from. He said that it's just a funny book and he wanted it to be a funny title. Howard asked Russell about what it's like coming to this country when he's not that well known. He said that it's pretty tough to come here after being so famous over there. Howard said he can relate to that because he had that early in his career.
Howard gave Russell some more plugs for his book and upcoming comedy gig. He's doing some stand-up this Thursday night. Howard asked him if it's tough to come to this country and do his act. He said that it's not that bad because things that are funny are funny no matter where you go.
Russell said that he loves doing comedy and being out on the road. Howard asked when he got on stage the first time. He said he did that at 15. He got into comedy after he got kicked out of a drama class.
Howard asked Russell if he's banging anyone here in America. He said that he actually is. Howard asked him about going to a sex addiction rehab. Robin asked what it was that was so out of control. He said that it was his management that saw he was having sex so much after he was off the drugs. they sent him off for a month to that rehab thing.
Howard said that he thinks that the women might validate him and it's not even sex that was the problem. Howard was going to end it after that but Russell said he'd rather end it on a high note.
Russell said that he met some nice people in rehab and some of them were even pedophiles. He said that they're very nice when you get to know them and they weren't even trying anything with him.
Howard gave Russell a plug for his Comedy Central special that's on this Friday night. He took a call from a guy who said he had never heard of this guy but this was a very interesting interview. Howard said that this might be the boost that he needs and maybe he'll be well on his way now.
Robin asked Russell if he had ever heard of Howard over in England. He said that they all know about him over there. He said that he had heard of his radio show and had seen his movie there. Howard tried to hook Robin and Russell up but that wasn't happening. Russell asked Robin to put her boobs up to the glass like the woman did in ''Midnight Express.'' Robin just laughed that off. Howard had to wrap up with him a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about Metallica staying together and how things have worked out for them. He said that Guns N' Roses weren't able to hold it together. He said that Steven Adler is coming in today to promote a new song he's got coming out with Chip Z'Nuff (From Enuff Z'Nuff). Chip was there with Steven today.
Howard said that Chip was looking hot in the hat he had on. He had to take that off to get his headphones on though.
Howard asked Chip how he's been doing because he hasn't heard him in years. Chip said that he and Donnie are the only ones left in the band now. Howard asked why he doesn't join their band. Steven said that he doesn't have the voice that they were looking for with this band. Steven aid they have a great guy singing for them.
Howard said that Steven is on Sober House and Celebrity Rehab. He asked him how he's doing with that. Steven said that he's off of all of that stuff. He said that he will take a hit of the weed that Chip smokes once in a while. Steven said that Dr. Drew knows that he takes a hit once in a while.
Howard said that being kicked out of Guns N' Roses is the worst. He said that Axl kicked him out of the band on stage. Steven said that it was hypocritical for him to do that because he was doing drugs with Axl at the time. He said that Slash was wrong for not sticking up for him back then too. He said that he's been friends with Slash since they were kids too. He said that they're still friends and he just talked to him last night.
Steven told Howard about how he told Slash about going off to do this rehab stuff and he actually apologized to Slash for getting mad at him for not sticking up for him.
Howard asked what's wrong with Axl and why he won't get the band back together to go out and do their thing. Steven said he wishes they could get that going too but Axl is in his own world. Howard said he'd be willing to talk to Axl. Steven said that he wishes that he would because no one else will talk to the guy.
Howard asked Steven if he thinks that Axl has any money. Steven said he asked Slash for advice on that answer and he told him that it's best left unanswered.
Howard asked Steven if he still has money coming in. Steven said that he sued and got some money and still gets royalties. Now he's in this new band and he's back on the road again. Robin asked him if the road is a problem for him and the drugs. Steven said that he gets so much love on the road and he loves meeting people out there. He said it's going to be fine.
Howard asked Steven about his mom throwing him out of the house at 11. Steven said that his mother isn't that bad of a person. Howard said that's going too far. Steven said that he's back in control of his life and she's back in his life too so things are good. Howard said that Steven is sounding good today and he seems to be almost healthy. Steven said that things are working out great for him and he even took speech lessons.
Howard said that he thinks that Dr. Drew thinks that Steven getting kicked out of his house was all in his mind. Steven said that wasn't true, Dr. Drew knows what really happened.
Steven said that when he got kicked out of the house he moved in with his grandparents. He said that music was the savior of his life. He said he got some drums from Earl Sheib's grandson for $125. He said he was playing drums on Tupperware before he got the real drums at 15.
Howard asked Steven if he had any formal training. Steven said he never took a lesson. Howard said that's remarkable. Steven said that it just meant that much to him. Steven said that three weeks ago he finished a DVD for drummers. Howard said that when he sees this stuff going on with Steven it hurts him to see that he had trouble even getting his royalties.
Howard said that he sees Steven with his wife, who is very cute. Steven said that without her he wouldn't have made it through all of this stuff.
Howard asked Steven if he fucked Amber Smith. Steven said that he didn't do that. He said that he didn't even jerk off to her. He said that he didn't want his wife to kill him. Steven said that on the first day in rehab Amber was there and he saw that she was all shaven down below and he had to go into the bathroom and jerk off that one day.
Howard asked Steven if he thinks that Amber showed him her pussy on purpose. Steven said that if his balls were showing he would know it so maybe she knew what she was doing. He said that she was out of her mind at that point though.
Howard said that he used to see Chip fuckin' girls back stage at shows and stuff. He asked Steven if he did that kind of thing. Steven said that they used to have contests to see who could get the most blow jobs and he'd win. He said that Slash even wrote about that in the book. Steven said that Axl used to talk to chicks forever in the back of the bus and he used to have to yell at him to fuck her already.
Steven said that one time he broke his pinkie and they got the drummer from Cinderella to fill in for him. He said that he was so pissed when they did that to him.
Howard asked Steven how many blow jobs he got in one night. Steven said that he used to watch TV and girls would be blowing him while he was watching. He said that he was glad that he did that stuff back then. He said he doesn't mess around now that he's married.
Howard asked Steven if his stroke affected his penis. Steven said it didn't. He said that he's still able to get it going. He said that his wife is down in Argentina visiting her family right now but she doesn't have to worry about what he's up to. He said that when they're out on tour it's just him and Chip in the back of the bus, no one else is allowed.
Howard asked Steven about how he had this stroke. Steven said that he was doing coke at the time and he was doing so much of it that he was banging his head on the floor.
Howard asked Steven if he thinks that Artie should do that show. Steven said he should but he should be doing it for food. Howard asked Artie if he thinks that Steven is clean right now. Artie said it did seem like he was.
Howard asked Steven if he thinks that Enuff Z'nuff should have been bigger than they were. Steven said that if they had just come out a year before they did he thinks that they would have been huge.
Steven talked more about the stroke thing. Steven said that he got a towel under his head after the coke made him bang his head on the floor. He said that he waited for it to wear off and then he did some more. He said that he had the stroke but he didn't know that he'd just had a stroke. He said that he thought he was fine after that and went around the corner to get something to drink and that was it. He said that coke is a great drug but you have to have it and it controls your life too much.
Howard said that he can't believe that Steven didn't fuck Amber. Steven said he thought that Tawny Kitaen was the hottest. Howard talked about having her on the show many years ago when she was dancing around on the cars in those videos.
Howard asked Steven about having to give a guy a blow job to get coke one time. Steven said that he didn't blow the guy, it was a hand job. Artie said that was a big difference right there.
Howard said that the guys are going to be doing shows this Friday night with the band called Adler's Appetite and they're looking to do cover songs for now and they're going to try and get at least one original person from the original bands to perform on the songs.
Howard asked Chip about his divorce and found out that his wife took everything from him. He said that his father told him to let her have everything but the publishing of their songs. Chip had mentioned that he's living in Steven's house in Los Angeles so Howard asked if that's why he's living there. Chip said he just goes out there to visit and to see his girlfriend. She was there too so Howard had the guys bring her into the studio.
Howard asked Susie about what it's like being with Chip. She said that it's pretty wild. Howard asked how old she was and asked if she was only 18. She said that she loves him for saying she looks that young. Howard told Chip to propose to her right now. Chip wasn't going to do it. Steven told him not to ruin his life for the third time.
Steven said that he saw some action going on with Chip and Susie. He said that he walked into their room and saw some toushie. Susie said that wasn't her.
Gary came in and read a quote from a book where Steven said that he used to give blow jobs to guys in exchange for coke. Steven said that he was misquoted and he really wasn't doing that stuff.
Howard asked if anyone believed that Steven was going to stay sober. No one was raising their hands. Howard said that Artie must be inspired by this. Artie said that he's been off the stuff since Christmas day so he's been clean for 3 months now.
Robin asked Artie if he's really been sober all this time. Artie said that he has. It didn't sound like Robin believed him.
Howard said that maybe Steven needs to go to therapy. Steven said that he's still seeing Dr. Drew and some other doctors.
Howard asked Steven what the wildest sex he ever had was. He said that he had sex with 9 girls with Steven Tyler in the back of a bus one time. He said that Tyler taught him how to direct that day. He said that he kind of held Tyler's dick through his pants that day. He said that he was showing the girls what the guy had and he thinks that he has a huge dick. He said that it's even bigger than Tommy Lee's dick.
Howard asked Susie if Chip's dick is big. She said that it is very big. Chip said he didn't want to brag but it is pretty big. Steven said that it's like two hand fulls. Howard asked Susie if it hurt the first time she did it. She said that it did hurt. Howard asked if she could go back to a normal sized dick now. She paused for a second and said ''no.''
Howard played some of Chip and Steven's music. The first song didn't have Chip in it. Steven said that the stuff that he was playing was old stuff. Chip said that the new Enuff Z'Nuff album was back in Howard's office.
Howard talked about the Avant Garde music that he's doing now. He told Fred to play some of that stuff. Fred played one of the songs that he and the guys created called ''The Knitting Factory.'' It was just the guys playing a bunch of different instruments and making noise in the studio.
Howard had to wrap up with the guys a short time later. He told the guys to go out and see the guys performing at the Crazy Donkey out on Long Island this weekend. He said you can find out more at Myspace.com/StevenAdlerSite. Chip got in some plugs for his new album as well and said you can find that at StoneyRecords.com.
Howard brought up the time that Chip pissed on Madonna. Chip said that he thought that he had pissed in her. He said that they were young at the time and he was just starting to smoke weed back then. He said he just thought he had peed the bed but it was actually Madonna getting wet from him fucking her. He had never told Howard that much detail about the story.
Steven talked about how he had Rachel Hunter back in the day. He said that she was wonderful back then too. He said that they were in New Zealand and even Axl and Slash were afraid of her because she was so beautiful. Steven said that he did Christina Applegate just once too. Howard asked him why he only did her once. He said that he must just be bad at it.
Howard asked Susie if she's impressed by Chip getting Madonna so hot that she wet the bed like that. Susie said that it is kind of weird for her when she hears a Madonna song on the radio now.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs for their shows and for the Sober House show. He mentioned that Andy Dick is on that show now. Steven said that Andy is great but he cries over everything.
Howard had Billy Mira on the phone doing his David Lee Roth impression and saying that he had gotten blown by Steven back stage at a show one time many years ago. Steven thanked him for bringing that up. Howard told the guys that it was just Billy Mira doing the great impression of David Lee Roth.
Steven told Howard about how his wife had come to the States from Argentina just to meet him and that's what she did. He said that she's a great woman and great in bed. Steven said that she sucks his cock good and she sits on him good and she's got a great, round ass. Howard had to wrap up with the guys after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that JD had some good stuff for them. He had Jimmy Kimmel talking to the women on The View about his break up. JD said that Jimmy was dressed up as Rosie O'Donnell in that appearance.
Howard was about to play the clip but he got a note saying that Scott the Engineer had an intern labeling his son's band's CDs. Howard said that Scott should wait until he leaves before he does that shit.
Scott came in and said that he just had him make a couple. Howard told him to wait until he leaves to do that kind of stuff. Scott said okay to that. Howard told him to get out of there but then checked out the labels that he had made up and they looked very nice. Howard asked him if he had any other personal stuff he had to get done during work hours. Howard said he feels really good knowing that his team is right behind him.
Howard got to the Jimmy Kimmel clip. The girls on The View were asking Jimmy about the break up with him and Sarah Silverman. Jimmy said that the only thing better than breaking up is going on The View and talking about it. Jimmy said that all things come to an end. He told the girls to ask Sarah about what happened. He didn't really talk about the break up.
JD also had a clip of Britney Spears talking about her pussy hanging out while her mic was on while she was on stage. Howard played that one next and Britney was at the end of a song and says ''... my pussy is hanging out...'' as the crowd was cheering her.
Howard said he liked how Steven was talking about Amber Smith's pussy hanging out on the Rehab show. Howard said that was hot.
Howard said that he was with one hot chick one time that he finished with in a second. He said that he did her a second time that night and he finished in a second again. He said they only went out that one time. He said that he went in for less than two strokes and he was done. He said he was no spring chicken either and he still had no control. Howard wasn't saying who that woman was.
Howard said that in a way it wasn't a connection because he wasn't able to hold out. Artie said that it might start out like that but it can get to the point where he would last longer. Howard said that's some work he wouldn't mind doing.
Robin said that she had an answer. She said that she thinks that they should cancel his appearance because he's currently in the news for that attack on Rihanna and it would be condoning or rewarding his behavior.
Howard asked if he's being rewarded for his music and why they don't look into the past of other people they reward. Robin said that they do reward people for what they have accomplished but he's currently in the news for this alleged attack on Rihanna.
Fred said that they should not have him on the show because of what he did. Artie said that he wants them to have him on because maybe he'll beat up J-Lo next. Artie said he doesn't think that they should have him on.
Howard asked if Artie should be allowed to go on Letterman for doing heroin. Robin said that Artie hasn't hurt anyone else. He's only hurt himself.
Robin and Gary spent a minute talking about whether or not he should be allowed on the show in the future if he gets some therapy. Robin said that it depends on whether or not it works.
The guys brought up some other names of celebrities who had been accused of doing things like that in the past. They brought up James Brown and how he had been accused of beating a woman. Robin said that in her world he wouldn't have been allowed to be on the Grammys.
Howard said that he believes that Chris Brown should be allowed on the show. He said that it would be great if they shunned him at the show when he does show up. Howard said that it would be great if they booed him too. Robin said that everyone will be applauding him and rewarding him for his music.
Robin said that she wouldn't have Chris Brown on her show if that awards show was her's. She said that she wouldn't have Snoop Dogg there either. Howard said he agrees that what Chris did was wrong but he thinks that him going on that show is okay.
Robin said she thinks that the Nickelodeon awards should be canceled. She said that they promote a lot of people who are bad influences on children.
Ralph called in and said that the show is bad and they should cancel Chris Brown from the appearance. He said that they've all seen the pictures of what he allegedly did to Rihanna and they can't let him show up. Howard said they should just boo him at the appearance.
Gary said that he doesn't think that it's that big of a deal and he has discussed it with his kids so they know what's going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Michael Phelps lost his Wheaties endorsement then this guy shouldn't be allowed at the awards show.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she thinks that they should give Rihanna an award instead of giving one to Chris Brown. She said that maybe they shouldn't give either one of them an award.
Fred read some of the other people who will be on the show and read the names to Howard. Howard said no to many of the names. He seemed to be very random about his yes and no answers.
Steve said that Rainn Wilson apparently responded to Howard's discussions about him by twittering some crap about him yesterday.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of stuff that they would be covering today on the show.
Howard read that Coolio was arrested recently. He was going to read that but he also mentioned that he saw that David Lynch is into the meditation thing and he's doing a concert to support it. Howard said that they want him to do something for them but he's not sure if he wants to do it. He said that they just want him to introduce one of the bands or something. He said he might do that.
Howard said he doesn't like getting on a stage in front of people like Artie does. Howard said that he's really not into it. Robin told Howard that he has to stop thinking about himself so much and just do it. Howard said that he'd like to go out and do a song parody about meditation or something. He said he might just do it. Robin said that she gets the feeling that he wants to support that effort.
Howard said that he has to come up with something to say. He said that he will get to introduce Eddie Vedder or Paul McCartney. He said he'll have to see how it works out.
Howard said that he has to thank the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi because he helped get his mother out of her depression. Howard said that the guy is dead now but he would like to be part of that concert.
Robin started her news off with a story about a guy who was stalking Lorne Michaels getting just a slap on the wrist in court. He was ordered to stay out of trouble and to avoid Michaels. The guy is claiming that he was ripped off by Michaels after doing some material for him.
Robin said that Jane Fonda is back on Broadway. Robin said that maybe that will get Howard out of the house. Howard said that she might have gotten him out of the house 20 years ago, not now. That led to the guys talking about how hot she used to be. Howard said that he sued to jerk off thinking about her but now he thinks about her to hold off.
Robin read a story about these Barista competitions they're having. She said that they had the competition out in Portland Oregon.
Robin read some news about Bernie Madoff and the deal he's made with the Feds. he's supposed to plead guilty this Thursday.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who saw Robin out at some events while she was out this weekend. Robin said that they were all at the same event. That led to Howard playing some of Seal's music since Robin had gone to see him at the event she was at.
Howard read an email about the Watchmen movie and the guy said that he hated it. He said that he thought that they were in a gay movie with the blue cock hanging out all the time. The movie is also 2 hours and 43 minutes long.
Howard read some mail about Eric the Midget and someone thought that it was great when he said that the only ting small on Artie was his brain. There was some feedback about Robin's detox diet.
Robin got back to her news and read some more about Bernie Madoff. She also had some more news about the Octomom buying a new home.
Robin read a story about a reality TV star who was accused of attacking her boyfriend. Howard said that he actually knows her. Robin read some news about Coolio being arrested for having drug paraphernalia on him at the airport.
Robin read some news about Opie and Anthony being fired from K-Rock. She said that Opie twittered something yesterday about how bad it was for their show that they were fired. She had some news about K-Rock's format change as well. That led to Howard talking about that a little more.
Robin read some news about how newspapers won't be good for wrapping fish anymore. The newspapers are in big trouble and they're disappearing. Howard said he loves reading the newspaper and he likes holding it in his hands. Robin said that many could fold all together.
Robin read a story about how much time people are spending on the internet on social networks. Howard said that he doesn't do that but then he said that he dos talk to people on the chess web site that he goes on so he actually is.
Robin had some news about the economy and had Howard play an audio clip of some guy talking about it and sounding like Buddy Ebsen. That led to Fred playing some old Buddy Ebsen audio clips where he had a lot of phlegm in his voice.
Robin had some news about President Obama reinstating the funding for stem cell research. She went through that and went through a few other stories.
Robin read a story about Sharon Osbourne's problems with a student on her show ''Charm School.'' Sharon isn't worried about the case according to a story she read.
Robin read some news about the new movie that Dwayne Johnson is in. She had Howard play some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he'd rather hear The Rock talking and cut it off.
Robin had a story about U2 having a hit with their new album. They're saying that sales are going to be over half a million copies in the first week. That's much lower than their last album but it's still good.
Robin had some news about Metallica and how they had to cancel a show when James Hetfield got sick. She wrapped up with her news a short time later. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Gary said that he wasn't too thrilled about that himself. Teddy said that he was the one who saw Scott having his intern doing what he did and he's the one who turned him in. He said that they have this really nice labeler back there and he saw them doing it. Teddy said that he glanced over and saw the ''Emergency Now'' labels on it so he ran to Gary and told him about it.
Scott said that he only had his intern make about 6 CDs. Gary said that the Howard TV guys brought the camera down to Scott's office and found Scott telling the intern to tell them that he only asked him to make a few. Teddy said that Tracy is mad at Scott now too for having two interns not working.
Gary said that they have Casey the intern there and he was going to tell them what he did. Casey said that no one was working on the machine at the time so he went back there and made just a few. Jason said he thought he saw at least a dozen back there. Casey said that it wasn't a dozen and he didn't move anyone out of the station.
Casey said that Scott asked him to just make a few so he made about 6. Jason said that Scott has gotten yelled at by Howard in the past for doing stuff on show time when he should be working on show stuff. Scott said that he usually doesn't do that stuff during the show. Scott said that the intern did the work, he didn't do it himself.
Scott said that he was doing his job and he asked an intern to do something he wasn't supposed to. He admitted to that. Scott said that he brought in his own CDs to label although he didn't use his own ink or electricity to do the labeling.
Gary said that Scott is trying to figure out a way to get his son's band to be his lottery ticket. Scott said that he don't want his son to suffer though life like he's had to do. Scott said that he wants him to be someone in the music industry and he thinks that he has the talent to do that.
Scott said that young musicians have a short shelf life and he's trying to get him going while he can. Scott said that he has a lot of talent and he doesn't want him to just give up.
Benjy asked Scott if he's pushing him to do it because that was his passion. Scott said that if he wasn't that good at it he wouldn't push him to keep going. Gary said that the music thing is important to Scott so maybe that's why he's pushing him to keep it going.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if Howard is laying off because his own daughter is getting into the music thing. Gary said that he doesn't think that Howard is laying off because of that.
Another caller said that most of the time he disagrees with Scott but what he's doing for his kid is tremendous. Scott talked about some of the other bands that he's helped out over the years and how he really wanted to get into the engineering of other bands. He said that he has wanted to do stuff like that for a long time now and he's able to help his son now.
Another caller said that with all of the connections they have there on the show Scott's son should have a deal by now. Scott said that his son doesn't work hard enough at it. Jason said that maybe his son doesn't want it that bad. Scott said that his son wants a deal handed to him and he's not going to get a deal that way. Gary said he hopes that it doesn't end up being really ugly and Scott's kid ends up hating him.
Scott said that his son goes through phases and doesn't do music at all for a long time. Then he'll get back into it and tries really hard. Scott said that he should continue to go after the music thing and also go to school. He thinks that he should be in the music industry somehow.
Another caller asked Scott if he would quit the show to help his son if he made it big all of a sudden. Scott said that he would do that if he got the chance.
Ralph called in and said that he's sick of hearing about Scott's son's band. He said that Howard has been talking about this band for 5 years now and if they were any good they would have made it already. Ralph asked Scott how much more he can give this kid. Scott said that Ralph doesn't know what it's like to make it doing anything.
Ralph told Scott to leave his son alone and let him go out and do his own thing. Scott said that his son will tell him when he's had enough of him. He said that he's pretty sure that at some point he will tell him to shut his mouth and leave him alone to do what he wants.
Scott said that it takes a lot to go out on the road and perform. He said that you need a regional following for any record company to even look at them.
Jon asked Scott if he has passed his CD off to some of the guys they know there. Scott said that he has done what he can to get the CD out there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Scott is just being a good American dad. Other callers were on Scott's side in all of this. There was one guy who said that these guys commenting about Scott don't have kids and they don't know what it's like to have a kid.
Jon said that Scott is a good dad and he does think that he's a good dad doing what he does. He said that the problem is that he's doing it during work hours.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks about that Chris Brown at the Kid's Choice awards thing. Scott said that he shouldn't be there. That led to the guys talking about that for a short time. Jon said that he doesn't think that he should be on that show. He said that it's the Kid's Choice awards. Gary said that he doesn't think his son even knows what happened but if they had the guy on the show then you have to discuss it with the kids. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that the mix of people up there on that show isn't what you'd expect for a kid's show. Gary said that the year that Tom Cruise was on was really bizarre because he wasn't sure if the guy was trying to sell tickets or appeal to the kids.
The caller said that if a man ever laid any hands on her, he wouldn't have any hands left. Gary said he agrees that when a guy hits a woman it's not going to be the first or the last time it ever happens. Gary asked Benjy if he's ever hit a woman. Benjy laughed and said no. He said that he's had a woman hit him before but he's never hit them back. Gary said that he's had women take a swing at him too.
Benjy said that he thinks that Rihanna has the right to stay with Chris Brown. Gary said that she does but then she doesn't have the right to say ''look at this, he hit me again'' if it happens in the future.
Gary asked what Chris Brown's hits are. Jon tried to name a few but he wasn't able to come up with the answers. Gary didn't even know the guy had any hit songs. Jon actually did come up with ''Run It'' and one of the interns in the studio knew a couple of other songs that he had out.
Jon played some of the interview where Russell talked about jerking a guy off on a TV show. Gary was laughing during that clip and said he thought it was a good interview.
Jon asked if anyone really knows who the guy is here in the States. Gary said that he was in that ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall'' and he was good in there but he may not have even been acting. Jon said that they're going to be remaking ''Arthur'' with him and that could turn out to be really bad. Jon said that movie was great and it's going to be hard to pull it off. Gary said that if anyone could pull it off, it would probably be Russell.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he hated Russell's guts when he did the MTV VMA awards. He said that after today he thinks that he's becoming a fan. Gary said he'd like to see him in more stuff. He said he didn't see him on the MTV awards.
Another caller made a joke about Artie not paying his hookers that wasn't all that funny. Gary said that it was kind of an old reference that he was making.
Another caller said that he thought that Russell sounded like Jack Wild from the H.R. Puffenstuff show. Gary didn't remember that guy. Jon did and he said that he was right about that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Russell mentioned that he had given a hand job to a guy by the name of Gary so he wondered if that guy was Gary in a Mets t-shirt. He goofed on the Mets for a short time.
Wheels called in and said that he thought Russell sucked and he hated his accent. He said that they have to close the borders to keep people like that out of there.
Jon asked if Gary thought Steven was sober today. Gary said that based on what he's seen on that rehab show, he did appear to be sober.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Steven looked as bad in there as he did on that show. Gary said that he looked good today. He said that he looked a little bit heavier than he did on that show so he looked good. Benjy said that he thought he looked incredible but then he realized he had him confused with that guy from Taxi, Jeff Conaway.
The caller asked if seeing Steven is going to help Artie out. Gary said he's not sure about that but he claims that he's had his shit together since Christmas.
Jon played some audio of Steven Adler talking about the stroke he had. After playing that Gary and the guys talked about how all of their guests today had jerked off a guy with their hand at some point in their life.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Russell's humor is very fast paced and that might be why so many people didn't like him at the VMAs. He said that he liked the guy today and he was laughing so hard he had to pull off the side of the road because he was afraid to crash.
Jon said that he hears how great Russell was in ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall'' but he hasn't seen it himself. Gary said that he will like him in that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he could have sworn that he had Joe Walsh on the show when Adler was on. He said that he sounds very much like Joe.
Another caller asked if they think that Janine helped or hurt herself today when she brought up all of the stuff she's doing. The guy said that she couldn't have done herself any good talking about what she's doing on that site. He said the father of her child might hear that and use it as more ammunition on the custody battle.
Steven and Chip showed up a short time later so the guys spent some time talking to them. Gary said that Chip and Donnie used to smoke a lot of pot when they'd come on the show to visit. He said that Tom Chiusano got mad at them for doing that so he had to ask the guys not to smoke up there. A couple of weeks later they came back on the show and left a giant roach in the bathroom that Tom Chiusano had found. Gary remembered Chip apologizing to him that day in that gravely voice of his.
Gary asked Steven about Gary Busey on Celebrity Rehab and if he's as crazy as he appears on that show. Steven said that he really is. He said he's a great guy though and they worked good together.
Gary said that Steven was on the show many years ago and he thought that he brought his mother in or something. Steven said he actually brought some porn stars in with him.
Jon asked the guys what they thought of Robin. Steven said that he didn't even recognize her because she was looking so good today. He said that it wasn't like she didn't look good in the past but today she looked really good.
Jon took a call from a guy who thought that Fred had gone at Robin pretty hard today when he called her a wind bag.
Benjy asked Steven what he thought of the whole Chris Brown on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice awards. Steven asked ''Who's Chris Brown?'' and then they told him that he was the guy who beat up Rihanna and Steven said ''Who's Rihanna?'' so they left it at that.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up Artie's drug use and his claims that he has been sober since December. Steven said that it's none of that caller's business and if he claims he's sober then maybe he's sober. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about all of the stuff that goes on before the show. Howard said that Gary was telling him about the gossip that's been going around. He said that he was telling the guys about Chip Z'Nuff and Steven Adler being great on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said that Chip Z'Nuff is great and he loves hearing him on there. He said that the way he talks is funny. He likes his voice and the stuff he talks about. He said he'd like to team up with him on a radio show if he had the chance.
Howard had a little bit of the Wrap Up Show where Chip and Steven were talking about Artie. He was going to play it but Artie talked about how he was reading Slash's book last night and saw some pictures of Steven Adler before he had the stroke and he was a really good looking dude.
Howard played the clip from the Wrap Up Show where the caller asks Gary about worrying about Artie and how he doesn't think he's clean. Steven told the guy it was none of his business and wondered why the guy cared.
Howard played another clip where they asked Steven about Chris Brown and Rihanna and he had no idea who either of them were. Howard said he was in the right place with that, not knowing who they were.
Howard said that there are a lot of people who are out of touch with pop culture but then he thinks that it might be good not to know about that stuff. Artie said that it is big news and they do talk about it on the air. Robin said that it's kind of odd that they talk about it and follow it in this society.
Howard said he saw Ronnie walking in the hall with some black and white cookies. He was bringing them into Gary. He said he think that Gary gets all of the cookies so no one else gets them. He thinks that Ronnie has to grab them before other people grab them.
Gary said that he has 4 of those cookies every Wednesday and Ronnie gets them for him. He claims that he never did ask him to do that for him, he just started doing it on his own.
Gary and Robin ended up getting into it with each other at one point. Howard was pointing out how fat Gary is letting himself get and that led to Gary and Robin talking about each other's fat.
Howard said that he's thinking about moving to the Blackberry or the iPhone. He said that Jeff Schick is there today to help him figure that out. He asked Jeff what he thinks he should do. Jeff, who was in Gary's office, told him that they have a couple of phones there today that he can test out. He said they have the Blackberry Bold and Storm for him to test out. Howard said he's not sure he wants to use a touch screen so he said he wanted to go back to a pay phone.
Artie said that he had some guy giving him advice on what phone to use and there was another guy shaking his head telling him not to use it.
Howard said that Artie is addicted to his phone. Artie said that he's into texting a lot and he's almost gone to that completely instead of using his voice mail. He said that a lot of people talk to him for way too long so he prefers to use the texting instead.
Howard told Artie to take some typing classes. Artie said he actually did that in 8th grade. His father told him that typing was for broads though.
Howard said that Jeff Schick doesn't know how to type and he's on computers all day long. He told Jeff to take a class but Jeff said that it's too late at this point. Howard said he knows how to type and it's so much easier when you know how to type.
Howard said his father told him to learn how to type when he was young. He told him that he was stupid first and then told him to learn these skills. He said that his father never thought that he was going to amount to anything and he told him he was stupid before he'd give him that advice.
Robin said that her father was like that with her. She said that she said something about her nephew one time about how he would be smart if he weren't so stupid.
Howard said that your parents think that you don't know anything and they think they have to teach you by belittling you. He said that his father once told him that he didn't do anything around the house and didn't even know how to cut the lawn. Howard said he went out to cut the lawn and started to push it but he didn't know how to do it. Howard said that all of his lines were crooked so his father came out and freaked out that he was doing it wrong.
Howard said that his father came out and yelled at him for doing it wrong and it was the first time he ever did it. The father he fantasized about would have come out and showed him how to do it correctly instead of yelling at him.
Howard said it's just weird and he loses his concentration even thinking about it. He said it might be best not to talk about it.
Artie said his uncles were insane ball breakers and that's just as bad. He said that it's a different kind of anger.
Howard said he had the feeling that he's pretty good at athletics now but he always thought he was bad at it as a kid. He said that's because no one showed him how to do it right back then. He said he didn't mean to dump on his father on the air because he loves the guy so much. He said that he didn't know how to do stuff when he was a kid and no one was showing him how to do it.
Howard said his father was right about the typing thing. He said that learning how to type was a good thing. Howard said that he was glad that he did demand that he take the class. He said that everything he does now involves typing so he's very happy that he learned. Howard said that now he thanks his father for making him take that class.
Howard said that Jeff Schick does okay with his pecking. He said that his kids taught themselves how to type and he's not sure they could unlearn what they've taught themselves. He said that they're really fast at it too.
Artie said that his father told him that typing was useless in 1981. Now everything is computer related. He said that he's still there trying to write out stuff long hand.
Howard said that there are some computers that have a double screen on them that lets you write out in long hand and it transcribes what you write. Jeff said that the computer is a Lenovo and it has a writing tablet on it.
Howard said that the interns are all new there so they don't know who this Dr. Roni is. They just think there's some strange lady running around. She's there just for Tim.
Howard had Dr. Roni DeLuz (21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox) come in so he could talk to her. He ended up asking her about her hair style and how she gets it to look the way it does. He was also saying that he thinks that she goes right home and eats a steak after going through this detox stuff.
Howard said that his cousin had a guru who was teaching her how to eat right and then she ended up catching him with a bunch of McDonald's food one day and it really threw her for a loop. He said that she stopped her diet immediately when she saw this guy cheating on his diet.
Howard asked Dr. Roni about her hair style and wondered if other black people come down on her for using that white people like hair style. She said that she's never had that problem. Robin said that she's never heard of anyone having that problem either.
Howard said that Tim is suffering on that diet of his and he's going around telling everyone that he feels great. Howard said that he's just saying that and he's not feeling great. Dr. Roni said that he's looking great already.
Howard said that Tim won't last on this diet. Tim came in and said that he's lost 5 pounds already. Today he's going to be doing an enema. He'll be doing that during lunch. He's actually going to be doing a colonic.
Tim said that he really does feel great. As he was saying that Sal came in and shoved a black and white cookie in his face while it was on a stick.
Tim said he didn't know how bad he felt until today. He said he feels so good today that he now knows what he was feeling like.
Howard said he'd like to see what comes out of Tim. Dr. Roni said that they'd have to ask the colon therapist about doing that. Howard said he'd like to see that. Artie said that there is nothing more awkward than what Tim is going to experience today.
Artie talked about going down to that place in Florida to have that kind of stuff done. He said that he didn't feel that great after 5 days. He said it was too hard for him to keep it up.
Tim said that he's passionate about his job and he wants to feel good doing it and this is unbelievable. Howard said he still doesn't believe it's going to work and he's going to end up getting 50 pounds heavier. Robin asked why it can't work for Tim. Howard said Robin did it so she could look hot and Tim isn't going to stick with it for the same reasons.
Artie said that Tim is a sports fan and you don't hear anyone saying ''Hey get your steamed cucumbers here'' at a ball game.
Dr. Roni said that she thought that Artie was going to call her. She said that Tim ended up calling her and she knew that he was passionate about losing weight. She said that she thinks that he's going to feel so good about himself and it will help other people around there see just how good they can feel.
Howard said he pictures Dr. Roni having a big Bat Signal thing that gets her to show up there. Howard asked her if she's dating anyone. Dr. Roni said that she's not seeing anyone right now. Howard asked her what she does to satisfy her needs. She said she's very happy the way she is.
Howard asked Dr. Roni when she last gave into her sexual needs. She said that's personal and she won't answer it.
Howard said that Tim has to be struggling on this diet. Tim said that he's really not. He said that he wasn't even able to eat all of the soup that he had last night. Howard said that must be some soup he was eating. Tim said that it was like a brick. Tim said that he'll be tap dancing very soon. Howard still didn't believe that he was going to last on the diet.
Howard said that Tim sounds like George Bush talking about there being more weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Howard asked Roni how long she's going to be there. She said that she's going to be there every day for Tim. Robin said it's easier to have someone there helping you out. She said that she learned a lot when Roni was helping her.
Howard asked if Roni is going to move in with Tim and his wife. Roni said that she would if she had to but they're doing fine on their own. She thinks that people will want to get on this diet when they see how good Tim is feeling after doing this.
Howard asked if Roni has met Tim's wife Pam. Roni said she has spoken to her on the phone but she hasn't met her in person. Artie asked her if she was willing to help him. Then he asked her to get him a cupcake. He said he likes one of the chocolate ones. He said it's the one with chocolate with the sprinkles on the outside. Roni said that she's going to tell him what those things are doing to him. Artie said he knows what it's doing to him.
Richard said that he'd like to do this thing too but he can't afford Dr. Roni. Roni said that the detox isn't more than $20 a day. She said that it's what you learn. Richard said that he'd like to know what it costs to get her to help him out. She wasn't saying how much that was and said that there are other ways to do it.
Artie asked what it costs to do an assessment. She said it's about $100-200 an hour. Robin said there are group plans and they could do that. Robin said they can get together and have her come and talk to them.
Howard said that Tim is going to get a tube shoved up his ass today. He asked if Roni is going to be there for that. Roni said that she will get an evaluation from the colon therapist and they'll figure out what to do from there.
Howard asked if they get excited when a big doody comes out. Roni laughed and said that it is very toxic when the black tar like doody comes out. Howard said that Tim looks very toxic and he can imagine a big piece of licorice coming out of his ass. Howard asked what color the doody should be. Roni said that it should be a light nut brown. Robin said that her doody is green right now. Howard said he has zebra stripes in his.
Howard asked what they do to examine the doody. Roni said they have an evaluation tube in it so you can look at the doody to evaluate the color and size. Howard said he thought that was called the bullshit tube.
The guys talked more about the doody thing and how some people end up having a foot and a half long doody. Howard asked what the strangest thing Roni has ever found in that evaluation tube. Roni said that she's seen lots of worms. She said it's not uncommon. Roni said that's actually very common here in America. Roni said that she has had parasites in her before. Howard asked Robin if she had worms. Robin said that she didn't have worms.
Artie said that he was told he had parasites when he went to that place in Florida. Howard said he's seen Tim scratching himself in the back so maybe he's got worms.
Howard asked Roni if she thinks that Artie has worms. She said she would have to evaluate him. She said she can't tell by just looking across the room.
Howard thanked Dr. Roni for coming in. He was going to let her go but Artie was still goofing around with her and she was trying to convince Artie to get on this detox diet thing too. Artie didn't seem to be interested in doing that though.
Howard asked Dr. Roni if she has lingerie that she wears for guys. She said that she does have lingerie but she's not going to talk about her dating. Artie said that she just talked about having parasites in her shit but she won't talk about dating a guy. Howard said he hopes that she does find a guy. He gave her a plug for her book ''21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox'' and she got in a plug for her web site MVDietDetox.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about Bubba the Love Sponge. He was complaining about him talking about losing his fans and stuff like that. Howard said that he likes Bubba and the guys but he has no idea what this caller is talking about. The caller, BJ, said he was trying to get to the point. Howard asked him to say in one sentence what he has on his mind. BJ said that Bubba kicks people off his show because he's an angry mother fucker. Howard said that this guy must have been kicked off the show. BJ confirmed that.
Howard said that BJ should have just said that in one sentence. Howard asked the guy why he was kicked off Bubba's show. BJ said he'd have to ask Bubba that. Howard said he's going to kick him off his show too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Artie was teasing Tim with a cupcake during the break. He said that was pretty cruel.
Howard said he was thinking about Sean Penn's brother who put out an album. He wasn't sure if that was the brother that had died. Fred said that was Michael Penn and he's still alive. Their brother Chris died.
The guys talked about Michael Penn and the songs that he has put out. Gary said he was married to Amy Mann. Howard said that he really liked that chick. Fred played some of Michael Penn's music and Howard recognized it but not everyone knew the song.
Gary said they were going to have Michael on the show one time but they had a stipulation that they couldn't talk about Sean Penn. Howard said he's not sure how he'd get around that.
Howard listened to the Michael Penn song and said that the kids on American Idol should cover cool songs like that and not the lame songs they do. He said that even he can take a song and change it in a way to make it kind of cool. He said that the kids on that show should be changing the arrangements of the songs and making it their own.
Gary told Fred about one of Michael Penn and Amy Mann's songs that they covered. It was a Beatles song called ''Two of Us.'' Fred found that one and played it for Howard. They listened to some of that. Howard said that Amy really has a great voice.
Gary and Howard talked about some of the contestants on American Idol and which ones they like. Gary said that there was one guy on the show who brought out his hot wife and Simon told him he should have kept her hidden for a few weeks longer. He thought that was kind of funny.
Howard said that he knows they've gone over this stuff before but his friend Pat was talking to him about this Peter Gabriel song where he says one thing that sounds like something else. The song was ''War Without Tears'' and the line was ''Jeux sans frontieres.'' Howard had Fred play some of that before moving on.
Robin said that they sure went after Janine Lindemulder for not paying her taxes and they're not going after the big corporations like they should be. She said that they always go after the people who are stealing small change. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said that they did overlook this Bernie Madoff guy and the people at the SEC really should lose their jobs.
Howard said this stuff is driving him nuts. He said he read that Madoff has made a deal but Robin said that there was no deal from what she was reading. Howard said that they should have to pay back as much of the money as they can.
Artie said he's so glad that Chip Z'Nuff fucked her. Howard said that is great. He said that it's great that she wet the bed too.
Howard said that the whole church thing is such bullshit and brain washing. Howard said that all of the kids that he knows that went to catechism all hate the Jews because they killed Jesus. Howard said that the Christian thing is that if you don't give your life to Jesus you're doomed to eternal damnation and it's all bullshit.
Artie said that he saw all of ''The Passion of the Christ'' and any person who is weak minded will come out of that hating the Jews. Howard said that there are a lot of brainwashed people out there and this Madonna is one of them.
Artie asked what the Kabala thing is about. Howard said that there are some Jews who want to have super powers and that's what the whole Kabala thing is about. Howard said that you become almost a witch and you can cast spells and stuff. Artie said that is crazy.
Robin said that they seem to be recruiting people and she didn't think that you could convert to be a Jew. Howard said that you can convert. People who are born Jews are Jews and that's the only religion that's like that.
Howard said that you really don't have to celebrate all of these Jewish holidays like they all seem to do. JD came in and said that he lives in a Hasidic area and he sees the little huts the Jews build. Artie said that he sees the Hasidic Jews out on the street in the summer and they're all covered up in the black suits and he just feels like telling them to take a break from that.
Howard said that he doesn't know that much about all of that stuff even though he was brain washed into that stuff when he was a kid.
Gary talked about this 9 year old girl who was raped by her step-father and how the Catholic church didn't want her to get an abortion and they ended up excommunicating her and her family but not the step-father. Howard said it really is such a brainwashing and the catholic church is the worst.
Howard said that they should be taxing these huge churches too. He said that they own more property and they buy and sell under the guise of religion and it's ridiculous. Howard said they could probably solve the economic problems if they made them pay taxes.
Gary talked about going to see some big catholic churches and said that they really have so much wealth there that it's overwhelming. He said that they're always talking about trying to stop world hunger and all they'd really have to do is sell some of their paintings and use that money to pay for food.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they wanted to know more about the Sukas. He filled them in on what it was all about. They talked about that and some other Jewish stuff.
Lisa said that the rest of her family was really Jewish with names like Hymen, Fannie and Evelyn. Howard said that's weird that their names are like body parts with Hymen and Fannie.
Lisa said that they have a story about Judah Friedlander wearing a ''Emotional Friend'' hat on ''30 Rock'' recently. Artie said that he's been wearing the hats for a long time and he's a good kid. Lisa said that Shuli spoke to him and they have that interview on the news.
Howard said that there have been a lot of Baba Booey shout outs lately. He played one during a basketball game. The announcer just threw it in the middle of calling the game. Then there was a guy hosting the Keith Olbermann show and he threw out a few ''Baba Booey'' comments.
Artie said that Shuli was on Jay Thomas' show and he knows that Hate Man called the show and they had no idea that it was him. Artie said that anyone could tell that it was the guy but he was just talking normally to them. He wasn't sure if Shuli heard that or not. Artie said he knows it's the guy and he's dying to find out who the guy is.
Lisa said that Richard is thinking about going into the studio to record some songs he's been writing for the past few years. He hopes to get some other musicians to help him out on that but he's not ready to announce who they will be. Howard said that it might be too late for Richard to become a rock star.
Richard came in and said that he's not doing this to be a rock star, he's just trying to get some songs done that he's been writing lately.
Lisa had one more story about SternFanNetwork being shut down for a few days so they can fix some problems they have. They're saying that they may lose some of their photos and stuff while the site is shut down. Howard wondered where people are going to go to bash his show while that site is down.
Howard said that he had a clip from Jay Leno's show that was really annoying. Howard said that guy really annoys him and he's just a weirdo. Howard said Jay had the nerve to leave his own show one time when he was on. He said that Jay was upset about the girls he brought on the show with him. He said that Jay didn't even stick to his guns that time because he had him back on the show a short time later.
Howard said that Siskel and Ebert were on that Leno show with him. He said he just heard from Roger Ebert recently and he's doing okay. He can't talk anymore but he still writes a lot.
Howard said that Jay thinks that he's doing his part to help the economy like Obama has asked them to do. He said that Jay is going out and doing a free show for people but Howard knows that he's just doing it to get publicity for his new TV show.
Howard played the audio of Jay telling the women on The View about going to Detroit to do some free shows for the auto workers who might be out of work there. Everyone was cheering him so Howard went off on him saying that he's just doing this to get some advertising in for his new prime time TV show.
Artie asked Howard what kind of money you have to pay for the average home in Detroit. Robin and Howard said that it's probably around 30,000. Artie said it's $18,000. Artie said that no one there is going to care about the free Jay Leno show.
Howard goofed on Jay for a couple of minutes after playing that clip. Howard wondered what kind of house you can get in Detroit for $25,000 if the average is 18,000. Robin said it would probably be a mansion.
Howard said that he had a friend who lived in Detroit but he had bars on his windows. He said that the whole city is kind of bizarre. He said that there are burned out parts of the city and then you get to Grosse Point and there are mansions just blocks away from the burned out stuff.
Artie said that everything in downtown Detroit is General Motors and the execs there just have to get out of there so they own the mansions out there.
Howard said he hated Detroit when he was out there. He said that they get a ton of snow out there and he hated cleaning off his car for hours. Howard said he'd drive to this shit box house to work out of and he must have been crazy to have done that.
Howard said he used to go up to Windsor, Canada to do appearances and he'd have eggs thrown at him. He said people hated him up there. Howard said that the station asked him to do appearances and they'd make him dress up in Rocky Horror Picture Show costumes and lame stuff like that. He said he really hated that.
Howard said that when he got to New York he refused to do any promotion for the station. He said the program directors would threaten to fire him but he'd tell them that it was best that he wasn't into promoting stuff for them.
Howard said that a lot of these radio stations around the country are located in houses. He said that he worked in a couple of radio stations that were in houses. He described some of the houses he worked in and how awful the working conditions were. He said that he'd like to talk to some of the guys he used to work with. He knew guys that were addicted to cough syrup that had codeine in it.
Howard said that he met a lot of great characters back then. He said it's not like that anymore but it was like that back when he was starting out.
Howard said that a lot of the guys he and Fred worked with got out of the business and went into other stuff. Howard said that one guy he knew got into banking. He talked about some of the guys he used to work with and how much they despised radio. He said that up in Hartford they had a lot of competition and they would do research that they'd end up trying to steal. they would actually listen to the other stations and what they were playing to figure out what they should be playing. Howard said he was always working at the desperate radio stations.
Howard said that he was never brought into a hit radio station. He said that K-Rock was so bad when he got hired that they were willing to do anything to get him. He said that they elevated them from their awful ratings.
Howard talked about the old K-Rock that was actually a disco station for a while. Howard talked about some of the other formats that they went through over the years.
Howard said that Jay Leno is doing this ''special show'' as doing his part for the country. Howard said that he's such a good guy, how can you hate Jay? He sounded a bit sarcastic when he said that.
Howard said he saw that Usher had come out and said that he was against Chris Brown and what he did but then a few days later he had to come out and apologize for what he had said. Howard said that he did the right thing and got pressured into doing the wrong thing. Howard said that race is still too sensitive in this country.
Howard said that Richard does like to watch the cum shots in porn movies. Richard said that he fast forwards right to that part of the pornos. Howard said he doesn't want to see that at all. Richard said that he likes to see women covered in jizz. Howard said that no heterosexual male looks forward to the cum shot. Howard said he turns his head so he doesn't have to see it.
Howard said that he blocks out the guy when he watches porn. Richard said he relates himself to the guy finishing on the girls. Richard said that Will is a big Peter North fan too. Richard said that's his favorite guy because he cums like a gallon.
Will came in and said that he doesn't think it's that weird to like the cum shot. Will said that Richard almost came on him one time when he was staying over at his place. Howard said that Richard would probably enjoy seeing it live in the same room with another guy too.
Richard said he doesn't like it when the guy finishes on another guy accidentally. He said he doesn't get off on that. Howard asked Richard if he cums when the guy finishes. Richard said he times it so he cums at the same time as the guy in the movie.
Howard said that Richard used to jerk off with his friends when he was a kid. Richard said that his friend was teaching him how to do it.
Richard told Howard that Sal found that German guy cumming because he was looking for German piss videos. Howard thanked him for coming in and let him go quickly after that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they have a guy coming in who works there that can name what song was a hit on any given date. He said he knows the number one songs from any given year too. Robin said that he wouldn't know anything from the year she was born.
Howard said he had a game to play so he got a guy on the phone to play it. Howard told the guy that he had to get 3 out of 5 correct and he had to match up if Gary or Wendy or neither of them would know the answer to the game. Howard was trying to change the rules but Gary had interrupted and gave him the rules from the last time. Howard went off on Gary and Fred played a bunch of ''Baba Booey'' clips.
Howard said he was going to play the way Gary told him since he had just spoiled it for him. Howard said that the caller could win $500 courtesy of the Myvu video glasses.
Howard played the first question which was ''How many wheels are on a tricycle?'' The caller said that he thinks Wendy will know. Gary said 4 and Wendy said 5.
The next question was ''A Royal flush can be made in what game?'' The caller said that they couldn't possibly know the answer to that. Gary said that it was bowling and Wendy said that it was poker.
The next question was ''What color is an African American?'' The caller said that both of them had to know but that wasn't an option for the game. The caller said that he was going to say that they'd both get it wrong. He was right. They both said ''white.''
Howard played the next question which was ''What is frozen water called?'' The caller said that he was going to say that Wendy would know. Wendy said water and Gary said ''...from the faucet I guess.'' The caller somehow won so Howard hooked him up with the $500.
The caller said that he had to give Howard TV props because they're doing some great stuff on there. Howard said that they do have some good stuff up there and Richard is doing great with that porn star interview show. Howard said they have a lot more new stuff coming up too.
The caller said that Ronnie has really hit the wall and he's jiggling like crazy lately. Ronnie came in and asked him where he's jiggling. Howard asked Ronnie if he can do push-ups. Ronnie said he could so Howard made him do one. Ronnie ended up doing 3. Fred said that he was crapping out around 3 though. Artie said that Ronnie has lost some weight and he didn't look jiggly to him. Howard said that he's just not a spring chicken. They started to make fun of his t-shirts so Ronnie asked what their problem was with his shirts. Howard said that Ronnie has this thing where if he wears an orange shirt, he wears an orange t-shirt. Fred played Mike Morse's ''Ronnie Loves Mambo'' song parody as they were letting him go.
The caller asked Artie if he was still on the list for his show that was canceled back in January. Artie said that he'll keep him on the list. Howard had to cut him off because he didn't want to get into that on the air.
Howard played another question which was ''Which city has the Statue of Liberty?'' and Gary didn't know it and said something about Salem. Wendy knew it was New York.
Howard played another one which was ''What number makes up a couple?'' Wendy said 30 and Gary said 3. The next one was ''How many sides does a rectangle have?'' Gary said 4 and Wendy said 3. The next question was ''What is feces?'' Gary said ''Television'' and Wendy said ''Pizza.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Statue Of Liberty is technically in New Jersey so neither of them were right. Howard said that there was a technicality there.
Howard played the next question which was ''What color do you get when you mix black and white?'' Wendy said ''black'' and Gary said ''red.'' Next up was ''What was the center color of a traffic light?'' Wendy said yellow and Gary said Red. Next up was ''What fruit is wine made from?'' Gary said ''blackberries or something.'' Wendy said ''oranges.'' Next up was ''Spell Train.'' Wendy said ''Tran'' Gary said ''TRT... that's too long of a word.'' Howard told Sal to put Bobo in the game next time.
Fred gave John his birthday and he wasn't able to say what song was the hit. He said he starts in 1956. Artie threw out his birth date in 1967 and John gave him the answer for what song was a hit back then. They had to assume that he was right. No one knew if he was actually giving the correct answer.
Artie said that he knows who won the world series going way back too. He said that's just something he retains the information for. The guys threw out some dates and he named the teams that won. Again, no one knew if he was right or not.
Howard said he has a skill where if you give him the year, he can name the year that comes after it. Howard asked the guys for their birthdays and John was rattling off the hit songs from those times. Will gave his birthday and John gave him an answer that was different from the answer he gave him yesterday. John said that it's a mess in his head so sometimes he's wrong. Jeff the Drunk called in and gave his birthday. John rattled off the hit song from back then.
Scott DePace came in because he's a big Brady Bunch fan too. He gave John some questions about the show and had him answering. John knew the answers to the questions. Scott claimed that he used to play drinking games and that's why he knows all of that trivia. Artie asked Scott what the name of the first guy he fucked was.
The guys threw out a bunch of Brady Bunch questions and John knew them all immediately. Artie even know one answer.
Richard came in and gave his birthday and John got the answer wrong about which song it was. Richard had looked it up before he came in.
Howard asked Scott DePace some of the Brady Bunch questions. Scott knew a lot of the answers too. When he didn't get one right, John knew the correct answers.
Howard would ask a few questions, then DePace would throw some at John. John knew almost every single answer. Howard asked if there's a way to make money with that kind of knowledge. John said ''absolutely not.'' Artie threw out some questions too. He didn't know quite as much information as DePace and John did.
John said that he wanted to be part of that family so that might be why he was so into it. He was an only child so he liked thinking that he could be part of the family. Howard asked John what Michael Brady's middle name was and he knew it. There was one about aliens that came in one show and John didn't know the answer to that. Those were the hard questions that Howard was asking.
Howard asked John what channel 37 was there. He said that John should know that since he's the Senior VP of Programming there. John said that he should know that information but he didn't. Howard said that this is why the company is going to go bankrupt.
Howard read him some more hard questions from the Brady Bunch. John was stumped on a few. Howard said this was all creeping him out so he had to end it. He asked one more question before ending the trivia. Scott and Artie threw out a few more before ending it.
Gary came in and said that John has another talent where if you name a song, he can tell you the intro time, the band and the label they were on. Anything from the 70s to the 90s. Howard tried one but John didn't know and he had rules about what they could ask him.
Howard said he's glad he met John but he's not sure why. He took a call from a guy who gave him his birthday. John rattled off a song and band but no one was confirming his answers.
Another caller said that they should make the loser take Richard's balls in his face. Howard was ready to wrap up after that so he thanked John for coming in and told him that after Mel hears this he's going to be trying to hire someone else for his job. Howard was going to let him go but they ended up talking about how he works down in Washington DC and if he wanted to date Robin. Artie was still throwing dates out at him as he was walking out the door.
Howard said that's kind of a cool talent to have but it's useless. Artie said that he has a lot of that useless information in his head too.
Howard read some mail about the Steven Adler and Chip Z'Nuff interview. A lot of people loved that interview. The guys talked about some of what was going on in that interview. Howard said that he found Steven to be charming and he didn't think that's the way it was going to be after seeing him on Celebrity Rehab.
Ralph called in with some Honeymooners stuff for Artie. He wanted to see if Artie could recite the whole episode if he played just a little bit of it. Artie knew what happened after that. Howard asked why Ralph got him into this. He didn't want to be in that.
Howard read some mail about Artie's ''dago beard'' and how one guy wanted him to shave it off. Howard said that they got a lot of horrible comments about Jason. He read through some of that stuff and the fans were going off on him about the stuff he was saying on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said that a lot of people were mad at him for not getting mad at Scott for wasting company supplies and time. Howard said that he is kind of upset about it and it just shows that Scott isn't busy enough.
Artie said that Jason and Ralph were being really rough on Scott. Artie said that they were calling his kid his ''dopey kid'' and stuff like that.
Scott came in so Howard asked him about doing the labels and stuff. Gary said that all of Scott's interns have squealed on him but they're afraid of him. Gary said that they tell him that Scott has been doing the labeling thing for a long time now.
Howard said that he heard that Scott spends most of his morning working on his son's web site. Scott said he doesn't work on his son's web site at all. Howard said that they have come forward with that so they know about it. Scott said that he usually does this stuff on his own time.
Gary said that Scott was telling them that his son is kind of lazy about the promotion part of being in the band. That's why he's helping him out.
Casey the intern came in and said that when Scott gets a free moment he'll go on his son's web site and check the traffic and stuff like that. Scott said that's different than working on his web site.
Artie said that he gets why Scott is doing what he's doing and pushing him to do better with this talent he has.
Scott said that his son went on tour in Europe a couple of years ago and he got sick of it. Then a few months ago he came to him and said that he had a new band and wanted to get back into it. Scott said he was ready to get out of the band again but he told his son not to give up on it. Howard asked him why. Scott said that he has talent and he thinks that he can do really well with it.
Artie was on Scott's side in all of this but Howard was arguing that it wasn't necessary to push the kid to do something that he's really not that into. Scott said that his son is very talented and he thinks that he could do something with this career. Howard said he thinks that it's Scott's dream and that's why he's pushing his son to keep it up.
Scott said that his son has no direction right now. Then he said that he's studying computers right now and that's what he's planning on doing if his music career doesn't work out. Scott said that he thinks that if his son really didn't want to keep doing this, he'd tell him and just stop doing it.
Gary said that he's heard stories about parents who push their kids into the things they want them to do and then the kids end up hating them. Howard said that Scott is way into this stuff.
Ralph said it's obvious that Scott is living vicariously through his son and if his son was going to make it, he would have made it already. Howard said that's not necessarily true. Howard said that he hopes that his son makes it. Scott said that it's not even about making it or not.
Gary said he knows that Scott wants his son to succeed but he also thinks that Scott looks at his son like a lottery ticket so he can tell them all to fuck off. Scott said that he just wants his son to have a good life and not have it as hard as he did. Howard thanked Scott for that and let him go. He said he can't take it anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked the story that Sal told him the other day about the guitar for the guy in the Beastie Boys. He wondered if Howard had anyone who did stuff like that for him. Howard said that his fans pay for satellite radio and that's their compliments to him.
Howard read some mail about Russell Brand's appearance and the fans seemed to like him overall. He read a few of those e-mails. Howard said that not everyone loved him. There were some people who didn't like the interview. Artie said he got his number and Russell was telling him that if he ever needed to talk about the drug thing, he'd talk to him.
Howard read some mail about Janine Lindemulder. There was some negative feedback about the way she treats her ex-husband Jesse James. Robin said that maybe Jesse could call in and tell his side of the story. Howard said that would be fine. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Steve Langford come in after that. Howard asked him about converting to be a Jew and said that was pretty wild and he didn't know about it. Howard said that Steve is king of the Jews because of his giant penis.
Steve started off his news preview wondering where this Dr. Kevin Leman guy is who claimed to have met Howard on a Morley Safer interview one time. They've found that even Morley Safer doesn't know this man. Howard said that he didn't remember any of what that guy claimed either.
Howard said that Beth did interview the guy on the Mike and Juliette show but that was all that they know. Steve said that Morley Safer told them that he's never met Howard Stern or this Dr. Leman. Howard said he's not sure why this guy is using his name and making up stories like that. He said that he finds it to be like the Larry King thing with Sandy Koufax.
Steve said that they found out that Kevin Kraft soiled his underwear during the show the other day. Steve said that today is Eric the Midget's birthday and he's 34 years old today.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through the list of subjects they had for today's show.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview after that. Steve had a cold so he made it short after Howard told him to make sure he stays away from him. The Intern Show is on at 7pm on Howard 101 tonight.
Howard said he heard that Steve was drinking over the weekend and that's not good for his diabetes. Steve said that he did drink a bit this weekend but that's not usually what he does.
Robin started off her news with a story about Ashley Dupree getting a record deal. She's Elliot Spitzer's whore. Robin said that's another way to get into the music business for Scott's son. She read that Ashley has turned down offers to be in Playboy and Penthouse. Howard found that hard to believe.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus saying that she wasn't ready to move in with her 20 year old boyfriend since she's only 16. Robin read some quotes from Miley about how smart she thinks her boyfriend is but she's just not ready to move in with him.
Robin read a story about a mental facility that had a fight club going with the patients there. She had a story about a woman in England who bit off the tongue of her boyfriend during a drunken kiss. The woman claimed that she was mad that she wasn't pregnant.
Robin read some news about some new apps that are out for the iPhone to let fans keep tabs on what's going on with the American Idol contestants.
Robin read a story about the Iron Chef show and how a female chef on the show is now pregnant even though she's a lesbian. She and her wife are actually pregnant at the same time. She read the details of that and said that they decided to do this together and they mixed up their eggs so they wouldn't know who is carrying whose kid.
Robin read that the guy who Sam Malone's character was based on in Cheers has lost his job. Howard said that if they legalized pot they could probably keep people going to the bars with that.
Robin read some news about Chris Brown and Rihanna. She had some audio of one of Chris Brown's hit songs. Howard played that and said it really sucks. Robin said that they're actually recording a duet together. Artie said that based on that song they should have arrested Brown long ago. Robin read some more details about their fight and what they're claiming caused it. Howard figured that Brown isn't done beating her up, he's only 19 so it's just starting.
Robin had some news about Coolio being arrested for having crack and a pipe on him at the airport. Robin read some news about Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox. That led to them talking about the Terminator show that Brian is in. Howard said that they have to stop whispering on that show and start talking.
Ralph called in and asked Howard what he would do if his daughter was beat up by someone like Chris Brown. Howard said that he would rather see Chris Brown show up at an award show and get booed instead of keeping him off the show. Howard said that the guy obviously has very severe problems and he should be at a shrink 4-5 days a week. Robin said that Rihanna should be getting therapy too. She said that she makes a living with that face and letting someone get away with beating that face up is crazy.
Robin read a story about Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia breaking up. Howard said he heard that Hayden was bothered by the paparazzi recently and someone needs to let her know that once that show is over, and that will be soon because the show is awful, everyone will stop bothering her. He said that she will go back into obscurity very soon.
Robin said that Hayden has refused to be on the set at the same time as Milo is. Howard said they should fire her and replace her character with someone else like they did with that guy on Bewitched. Howard said that she's a big nobody and they should just fire her if she refuses to work. Howard said they could come up with a new power for her where she changes her looks and get someone like Megan Fox to come in and replace her. Robin said that it's rumored that she's with Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers now. Howard said that he's going to ram her hard if that's true. Howard said that Anthony will stretch her vagina out like a inner tube.
Robin read a story about a shooting spree in Alabama. She said that 10 people were killed in that shooting. She had some audio of a guy talking about what happened and how this one gunman killed 9 people and then himself.
The guys were wondering how many people there are out there who are just thinking about that one more thing that will drive them over the edge to shoot everyone they work with. That led to Fred playing clips of some of the people on the show who have that kind of personality. He played Scott, Ronnie, Sal and Tim audio clips. Artie was saying that Tim was out by the cupcakes this morning pacing back and forth like he wanted to eat them but kept saying that he was fine. Artie said that he's going to snap even though he wants him to do well.
Robin read some news about Bernie Madoff and how he may be pleading guilty this week. He could face 150 years in prison for the charges. Howard said that he'd love to interview that guy and ask him if he ever thought about what he was doing and if he felt any guilt for what he was doing. Howard wondered if he was in some kind of denial or something about what he was doing. Artie said that's what the psychiatrists are saying might have been going on.
Robin read a story about a 7 year old girl who walked out of a hospital after having a tennis ball sized tumor removed.
Robin read some news about homeless children in the country and how there are 1.5 million of them. Artie said that it's really sad when you see homeless kids out there on the streets. They had some audio of a woman talking about what they're trying to do about the homeless kids.
Artie told a story about a homeless kid that was chained up in a building to deal drugs for some drug dealers. Artie said that the kid was physically chained and the kid couldn't have been older than 16 years old. Artie said that there was no way he was going to rip anyone off in that area.
Robin read a story about families who feed their kids good food and eat regularly helps the kids make better decisions on what to eat when they get older. Howard said that Gary is like that with his kids.
Artie said that he thinks about that homeless kid and it makes him depressed that he didn't do something about it back then.
Robin read a story about a live action Star Wars TV show that is in the works. Howard said he'd like to play Darth Nihilus. Robin said that George Lucas will be writing the show and it will take place between Revenge of the Sith and the first Star Wars movie ''A New Hope.'' She said that it won't have any Darth Vader or Jedi in it but it will have Stormtroopers.
Robin had a couple of news stories about various movies. She also had a story about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel planning to get married. Artie said that those stories are depressing to him that Justin Timberlake is banging that chick and Brian Austin Green is with Megan Fox. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 10:15am.
Artie said that he's been blaming his new guy, Tim, for everything lately. He doesn't have Teddy to yell at anymore.
Gary said that he heard that Tim Sabean was lightheaded today. Artie said that he has to be. He said that he tried doing that detoxing stuff down in Florida and you get ravenous. He said that Tim is already making the rounds near the cupcakes. He said that he's like a pedophile who can't stay away from little kids.
Artie said that he was yelling at the colon therapist when he was on that detoxing stuff. Gary asked what you have to do to be a colon therapist. Artie said that you probably just have to be annoying.
Jon asked the guys how hands on Robin is going to be with Tim. Gary said the whole thing has gotten out of control already. He said that Robin is spending all of her time trying to make this work and it's like they're doing it to show that the rest of them are assholes.
Artie brought up the World Series trivia that he had done earlier in the show so Jon and Gary threw some more years at him to rattle off. Artie said it seemed like no one was impressed with what he could do. Jon and Gary said they were impressed.
Benjy asked Artie if he could do a few minutes of the dialog at the beginning of the show today. Artie said that he might be able to do that. He mentioned some of the stuff that he brought up first thing this morning so he did have a lot of it memorized.
Gary said that Artie has some insane memory and he can remember stuff that other people can't. Gary said that he should have done really well in school with a memory like that. Artie said that's the only thing that kept him from being kicked out of school. He said that he would pass tests but just barely. Jon said that he remembers stuff he loves but he may have a borderline photographic memory. Artie said that he would trade all of that in for abs.
Gary asked Artie if he would rather be KC with the good looks or a guy with a great memory like him. Artie said he didn't have to think about that for one second. He said he'd rather have KC's looks and not the intelligence or memory.
Artie said that women are into looks even if they say they're not. Artie said that he would rather be the unfunniest guy on the planet and be able to bang hot chicks than be funny and not get chicks. Gary said that KC hasn't had a lot of success though. Artie said that he's banged a lot of hot chicks. That's what counts to him.
Jon asked Artie about some more World Series games. He and Gary threw out years like 1980, 1985 and others and Artie would tell them which teams played and which ones won.
Benjy asked Artie who the last guest at K-Rock was. Artie said James Brown was in there the last week. He said he wasn't really sure about that. He was all pilled up that whole week.
Jon took a call from the guy who goofs on the Mets every day. He did his usual with that. Jon took another call from a guy who asked what Artie was doing on the Wrap Up Show. The guy thought he was never going on the show again. Artie told him that he made up with Gary and he's really ''gotta read MarksFriggin dude...'' to keep up.
The caller on the line thought Gary was kind of caught in a catch 22 with that Retard game this morning. He said that if he hadn't said anything to Howard, Howard would have gotten pissed. Gary said that he was just trying to keep Howard doing it the way they did it the first time.
The caller asked Artie about meeting him one time at the roast when he was up there. He told Artie what his wife had said to him and asked if he remembered what his shirt said. It said something about ''New York Fuckin' City'' on it. Artie said he knows where he gets those shirts, he's seen them.
Gary said he just got a note about who the last guest on the show was. It was Jackie. Gary said that he remembers doing that and trying to make a big deal out of the whole thing.
Gary said that he had to do wild stuff to impress Howard for his birthday shows toward the end of those. He said that Howard was getting so big that it was hard to do that.
Jon asked the guys if they were impressed with that John Zellner today. Gary said that Jon must have been because he knew so much about the Brady Bunch. Jon asked if they were surprised at DePace's knowledge of that show. Gary said that it was surprising. Artie said that he knows a lot of coke trivia too. He said that maybe they could do that tomorrow.
A caller asked Artie if he thinks that all of the drugs and stuff have screwed up his memory. Artie said they probably have and that's why he wasn't able to remember what that guy's t-shirt said.
Jon asked the guys if they think that Lisa G is hiding her last name by using the Lisa G name. Gary said that he's not sure about that. Artie said that he thinks that she's using that 'G' thing because it was invented like 25 years ago when Run DMC was around.
Gary said that they sent Fred the Elephant Boy out in about 1993 to the Billboard Awards and they have him interviewing Bubba the Love Sponge at a radio awards event. They also have Lisa G getting an award back then and it's all up on Howard TV right now. Gary said that Lisa was up on stage dancing behind them and she was so ''white'' dancing up there. Artie said that it's a shame to see Lisa like that and now she's an old maid.
Artie said that he's been watching that ''Nitro Circus'' show and it's so entertaining. He said there's a hot chick on that show and she's doing the stunts too. He told the guys about the stunts they do and how they build these ramps that curve up and they flip the motorcycles up and over and then they land it in horse shit and stuff. He said that it's a bunch of redneck guys you just want to hang out with.
Artie said that he was also watching this ''East Bound and Down'' and that was really good too. Gary said that is really good. They spent a short time talking about that show. Artie said that Hanzi was the one who suggested that show to him.
Artie said that he really does talk to those guys like Hanzi and Ass Napkin Ed. He said that he and Ed had a falling out though. He said that he changed his number and Ed was just calling him too much. Teddy said that Artie is going to be seeing Ed this weekend when he does his comedy show.
Artie said that Ed was calling him like 40 times an hour and it was just too much. Artie said that Ed would ask him if he could come to his shows and stuff and he kind of blew him off. Artie said he'd talk to Ed and Ed would make all of these plans and he would just not answer him. Ed would make all of these plans but he wouldn't acknowledge him so he'd get all pissed off at him.
Artie said that Hanzi gets all paranoid about stuff and he was thinking that Howard stopped picking up his calls because they were friends. Gary said that he got an e-mail from Hanzi saying that he was sorry he was sorry he hadn't been e-mailing him lately as if he were waiting for him to e-mail. Artie said that Hanzi wanted to e-mail the show with some jokes and stuff so he had to tell him to send them to Benjy instead since he doesn't have e-mail himself.
Gary said that it would be great if Artie got a bunch of those guys together to do a comedy show. Artie said he could do that and put them on a DVD.
Artie said that he had to cut Ed off but he'll eventually give him his number again. He said that his voice mails were great because he would just talk about anything. Artie did his impression of Ed talking about all of this weird shit. He said that he would get really sad and then he'd get all excited.
Artie said that Ed used to tell him stories about how he wasn't able to use the one bathroom in the place he lives at because there's a 400 pound guy who sits in there from 2-7. Artie said he told him to give the fat guy the phone so he could talk to him but Ed wouldn't do it. Artie said that he may have been hallucinating that but he's really not sure. Artie was dying laughing talking about this stuff.
Gary said that when they're done they're going to put her on hold and he will forward her pictures to Artie tomorrow morning. It turns out she was in the same boat as Artie was with the drug thing. She's even on Subutex.
Artie asked her if she would mind it if Ass Napkin Ed double dated with them. She said that she thinks that he's kind of weird. Artie said that she has passed the first test.
Liz said that she was using pills and never did the heroin. Artie said that she sounded hot to him. She said that she was a 34-D too. Benjy asked if they were natural. She said they weren't. She has had two kids. They put her on hold after that.
Artie said that if you don't know Jason then he can be a hateable kind of guy. He said that if you know him then he's really a nice guy who just has an opinion on the show.
Jason showed up so the guys talked about him for a few minutes. Artie said that Jason used to rub him the wrong way when he first met him. He said that all of them can sound hateable on the air but they're all just trying to do their job by having an opinion. He said that Jason isn't as bad as the fans seem to think he is.
Jason said that he gets attitude there even in the office when he gives someone a hard time. He said that it's fine when Will does it but when he does it he gets shit for it.
Artie said that he didn't go to college so he kind of projects that he might not be that smart and he really hates when people are being condescending toward him. He said that's what he thought Jason was doing one time and he got upset with him. Artie said that he misunderstood what he said and got mad at Jason.
Jason said that there's a perception there that he throws people under the bus behind their backs and that's just not the case. He said that Will is the one who does that behind people's backs.
Gary said that he knows that Jason can rub people the wrong way and he knew that it was an issue back at K-Rock when Tom Chiusano would get irritated with him. Gary said that in one meeting Tom told him to tell Jason to shut the fuck up.
Artie said that some people get there and start making fun of people like Scott and Tom Chiusano and he hates that.
Jason said that he is a confident person now and that's why he gets into trouble a lot now. He said that he's on pills that bring that out in him and that's actually helped him out in his job. Jason said that he's very confident now. Artie said that it's a fine line between being confident and being an asshole.
Artie said that on their first trip to Vegas Jason took over for Gary when he wasn't able to show up one day and he basically took over. Jon said that he's heard that story from three different people but Jason was denying it. Gary said that he had to go take care of Artie that time and that's why Jason took over for him in the office.
The guys talked about that meeting and how Jason had gone off on Scott the Engineer in that meeting. That's when the people there got upset with him and wanted to call Gary and tell him to get Jason under control.
Artie said that he had to get going and told his driver to get him some hot dogs from that guy down on 49th street. He said his driver listens to the show so he knew what to do.
Scott DePace came in and said that it was him and Scott the Engineer that got yelled at by Jason that time out in Vegas. Scott said that they suggested doing it one way and Jason asked if he wasn't doing it because it was too hard or if it was something they just didn't want to do.
Jason said that he was saying what he said in that meeting because he felt it was important. He said that he was just giving his opinion back then. Scott said that his opinion didn't count back then. Jason said that DePace was showing a high level of laziness back then.
Will came in and said that the headphones were dripping wet from Artie. He told the guys that he loved every minute of that meeting in Vegas because Jason came in and took right over. Scott said that Jason was speaking for Howard that day and that really pissed them off too.
Jon took a call from a guy who was one of the fans who is annoyed by Jason. He said that he really doesn't like people who are overly confident like he is. He told Jason that he should tone it down a bit like JD does. He said that JD is much more humble. Jason told the caller that he hit it right on the nose and he has him pegged.
Scott and Jason talked about some of the fights they've gotten into over the years. Scott talked about the time he got into trouble for almost getting into a fight with Jason in the office one day. Scott said that Jason was the one who started it and it wasn't him at all. Will said that both of them had gone over the line that day. Jason said that Scott was the one who came over and started it at his desk.
Jon asked Scott about his Brady Bunch knowledge. Scott said that they came up with that stuff when he was in college and that's why he learned so much about it. He said that a lot of the stuff he knows came from the drinking game and not even from watching the show.
Scott ended up making fun of Jason for liking comic books after Jason had goofed on him about the Brady Bunch stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he likes that Jason isn't afraid of giving his opinion on the show. Scott asked who there is afraid of giving their opinion.
Scott said that he actually gave Jason a ride home one night and now he thinks that he's his best friend or something. Jason said that the ride home was nice. He said that he won't talk to Scott about politics anymore. Will said he thinks that's why they're getting along better now.
Scott said that Jason just never shuts up and he wants to punch him after a while. He knows he can't do that so he just stopped talking to him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked about the matching color t-shirts with the dress shirts. Gary said that it's a different look. Will said that he's gotten a little more stylish lately. Benjy said that he thinks he looks nice.
Gary said he thinks that the suit works for Ronnie. He said that he thinks that he should take one thing out of that though. He said that he used to wear a black suit, black shirt and a black tie. Ronnie called in and asked what their problem is. He said they talk about this stuff every day.
Ronnie said that he thinks he looks good the way he is now and he's not wearing suits anymore. Ronnie said that he did good push-ups today and they weren't sloppy like Will was saying.
Ronnie asked Teddy how many push-ups he can do. Teddy said he can probably do 5. Ronnie went off on Teddy about the push-up thing and said that he should be able to do more than 5 at the age of 29.
Jon said that Richard and Sal are always bugging Ronnie there in the hall. Ronnie said that no one bothers him there. Then JD came in and Ronnie said that JD does bother him. He said that JD bothers him but he's ignoring him now so he doesn't bother him.
JD said that Ronnie used to dress like a Funeral Parlor guy in all black. Ronnie told him not to start with him and told him to stay out of the conversation.
Jon asked JD what he thought about Ronnie's push-ups today. JD said that they were kind of strained. Will told Ronnie he should do the geriatric push-ups and do them on his knees.
Jon thanked Ronnie for calling in and clearing that all up. Ronnie said that he didn't clear anything up. Ronnie said that they need guest hosts in there once in a while because he's getting on his nerves. Jon asked what it was that was getting on his nerves. Ronnie said that he's stabbing him in the back all the time.
Richard came in and talked about the fantasy he has about shooting huge loads on a girl. He said that there's something wild about that. He said that he has a lot of DVDs and stuff about cum shots. Richard said he hates dribbling guys in porno. He said that he can't masturbate when a guy dribbles when he cums. He said that the chick has to be hot too though.
Sal said that he agrees with Richard about that. Sal said that when a girl takes a load on her face there's nothing hotter than that. Will said that it really is great when you see a girl who is into that kind of stuff.
Richard said that Tory Lane begs for the load and it's really hot to him. He told some stories about some porn movies he's seen and some women react to the loads like it's disgusting and he doesn't like that. He said that when they love it it's really a turn on.
Benjy said he gets when a girl is into something like that but Richard saying that he doesn't like it when the loads are small is kind of weird. Richard said that he used to watch Randy West movies and he shot small loads. He said that there are other guys who shoot huge loads and that's what he likes to see.
Jon said that the German clip that they played today was found by Sal because he was out searching for German piss videos. Sal said that he goes to a particular site to find that kind of stuff and that's how he found that clip. He said he has a fascination with older women and that's what he likes to see in those piss videos. Sal and Richard talked about that stuff for a short time.
Sal was explaining how he's not into younger women that much. He said that he kind of likes the older women and women who are real looking and not airbrushed. He said that it's hotter to him when you see a real woman who has some miles on her because they're probably more willing to satisfy you in bed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that most heterosexual guys like to see a girl getting jizzed on. He said that they should all be like that. Gary said that he and Benjy are into seeing things come to their natural end but they're not as into it as much as Richard is.
Richard said that Gary is into teen anal so that's kind of odd. Benjy asked Jon what he thinks about all of that. Jon said that he doesn't watch porn regularly but he's looking at the girl when he's watching. He said he's just being honest.
Gary said his wife thinks that he's disgusting when they bring up that teen anal thing on the air. He said that he's never been into it like they claim he is. Sal said that he knows that Gary has dug through their DVDs looking for teen anal videos. Gary said that he likes some weird shit though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Peter North came out of the closet and he's actually gay. Richard said that's all alleged and that's just not true. He said that Peter North is still banging chicks and he even has his own web site where he only bangs chicks.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves porn but he's never finished when a guy is ejaculating. He said that does nothing for him. He said he doesn't mind seeing the jizz but he prepares for the woman. Richard asked why he would care about the woman when it's the guy trying to get off. Richard said that he wants to feel like the guy likes to feel when he's finishing.
Richard said that Penny Flame is a really hot chick in porn. He said that she asks the guys to give it to her and he likes that.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that he had to defend Richard there about the dribbling thing. Ralph said that he likes it when a girl doesn't like it and a guy shoots a load all over her face. Richard said he has some videos for Ralph to watch.
Benjy asked Ralph what he likes to see in porn. Ralph said that he hates it when they use condoms. He said that they have these condoms now that are almost no-show but then they do kind of show.
Ralph said that Scott should just go away. Scott came in and said that he knows that's just Ralph and he just blows off anything he says about him.
Jon asked Scott if anything swayed him during those discussions. Scott said that he would probably be a stage dad if he did get some success. Ralph told him to leave his son alone, he's 23 years old. Scott said that Ralph is 42 and does nothing with his life so he should shut up.
Jon asked Scott if he would be willing to do anything gay on the show to get his son a record deal. Scott said that he's not going to do that, he knows his son can do it based on his talent alone. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show with a little false excitement. He was doing his radio guy voice and making it sound like a big deal that it was Thursday morning. Artie was doing that as well and doing a morning zoo type of thing with Howard.
Fred played a Tracy Morgan ''Gurkle, gurkle'' sound clip. That led to Artie talking about Richard on the Wrap Up Show yesterday because it reminded him of him. Artie said that Richard was talking about how he has to see a guy's load to get off when he's watching porn.
Howard said he is consumed with his old station going Top 40 this week. Howard said that K-Rock was the classic rock station while they were there. He said that Q-104 came in and stole all of their audience when they went to classic rock. Howard wondered why they think that their new format can beat the stations like Z-100 there in New York City.
Howard said the best thing is that there's a woman who just started there at ''Now FM'' which is what they're calling themselves now. Howard said that there's going to be a big Top 40 war and for a month they're not going to play any commercials. He said that they're making fun of Z-100 for playing so many commercials but as soon as they get any ratings, they're going to play the same amount of commercials. Howard said that the audience is going to get so mad at them when they do start playing commercials that they're going to tune out.
Howard read an article about the station changing formats yesterday. He read that they played off the station with some classic rock songs and then changed the format. Howard said that it's just a radio station that plays music and they're making a big deal out of what they play last and first on the new switch over.
Howard said he knows guys who have tapes of stations switching formats and they have the exact moment that the switch was made.
Howard read that K-Rock played a heart monitor going flat and thanked the audience for listening to them. Howard said that they switched over but they're still doing the HD radio thing. Howard said that he wants to know when terrestrial radio is going to give up on the HD radio thing because they can't go national with it.
Howard read that they played an audio montage and then made it clear that they have Z-100 square in their sights. Howard sarcastically said that Z-100 must be shaking in their boots. He read that they were calling Z-100 out and saying that they've been around since 1983 and that was then and this is ''Now.'' Howard said they started playing their Top 40 music, which is the same stuff Z-100 plays.
Howard said that this new DJ over there is video blogging and she's in that old shitty building that they used to work in. Howard said that his mother used to ask why they couldn't paint that place when they were there.
Tim Sabean came in, looking thin, and said that CBS Radio just isn't doing this right and they should have some artists come in and endorse this new format. Tim said that they need relationships over there. He said that this format change is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, it's not going to help.
Howard said that he was watching some of this woman's video blog and she was talking about how she was in Howard Stern's old studio. She doesn't mention David Lee Roth or Opie and Anthony's. Howard said that she had it on her video blog and she showed the old studio which looked like it had been bombed. He said that they haven't done anything to make it look nicer and it's a disaster area.
Howard said that this new DJ, who looks kind of like Lisa G, was all excited about this new job over there at Now FM. He said that she seems nice enough. He said that she takes you on the tour and she shows the old board in his old studio. She shows a guy in the studio and asks him who he is. He just says ''I work here...'' and he looks like he's in prison. Howard said he looks like he hasn't seen daylight in years. Howard said it's the greatest thing you've ever seen.
Howard said that the DJ showed the new afternoon guy there and she pretended she wasn't supposed to be able to show him. Howard said that guy had some false excitement coming out of him too. Howard said that there is nothing life affirming in that building. He said that he loves his man Mel but he saved some money over there and didn't put any into the facility while they were there. Howard said you feel like you're in the accounting business.
Robin said that she walked into SIRIUS for the first time and it was hard to believe that it was a start up business. Artie said that it was like the future there when they got there.
Howard said as an employee he was depressed over at K-Rock. He said David Lee Roth tried to make it brighter in the studio but it's now so depressing. Howard said he had the audio to play but he wasn't sure it would sound that good.
Howard said that this DJ is Lisa Paige over at Now FM. He played the audio and Lisa P was talking about the new format and takes her video camera down the halls that are all crappy looking and lit with fluorescent light bulbs. Howard said she has no idea how bad it's going to be over there.
Lisa talked about how they're going to be moving to new studios soon. Gary said they're moving to the building where Howard TV is located. Howard said they might have to go down there and visit. Howard ended up complaining about Gary's office speaker box being too low. Gary said that he asked about that yesterday and they were supposed to check it. Howard asked if it was Scott who checked it.
Scott came in and said that he and Evan checked it yesterday and it was fine. He said he could raise it. Howard asked if he was busy making CDs in his studio or something. Scott raised up the volume so they could test that out. Gary had come into the studio and tried it out. It was much better.
Howard told the guys that they need to sit down and have a discussion about that. Howard said that Evan is a good engineer and he's not sure how Scott could screw that guy up. He said he's bringing him down to his level.
Scott told Howard that they only know 3 people over at K-Rock that still work there. They have a secretary, Jodi and one engineer that are still there. Gary said that they had one guy who worked there forever and they told him to just get out and not come back. Scott said that guy, Tim, was working with O&A. Howard didn't know what O&A was so Scott had to remind him that it was Opie and Anthony.
Howard said that guy Tim was there at forever. He said that the program directors must come in and clean house so they can do things their own way.
Gary said that CBS is taking everything and putting all of the stations in one building downtown. Howard said they're spending a lot of money to do that move.
Artie said that he was listening to the news and heard that the people at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting told the students that there was a fire or something at the building and they ended up not letting them back in. They just closed the school down after evacuating them all.
Artie said that Langford did that story. Howard wondered why they would do such a thing. He figured they didn't want any rioting going on.
Howard said that Fred worked at a station called ''Wacky'' once. Fred said that they tried to jazz up the place a bit and he had to do a Top 40 show for a day. He said he's not good at doing that kind of show so he didn't stick around.
Howard said that you have to log onto their web site (923Now.com) and see what's going on there. He said you need to see the video.
Howard said he kind of got nostalgic when he saw his old board on this video. He said that he helped design that layout over there.
Howard played more of the video where Lisa asks one of the guys in the studio what he's doing there and he says he works there. The two of them talk about what they have planed for the future there.
Howard said that they had just hired Booker over there at K-Rock and they blew him right out when they changed formats. Howard said he thinks that Booker is still getting paid by them and by Clear Channel too so he's doing okay. Howard said there's a chance that they could bring him back. He said it really doesn't matter who they have doing that format there.
Howard played more of the audio of Lisa talking to some of the other people there and she talks to the afternoon guy and he's laughing and getting all excited. Howard goofed on that guy. Howard said that if his kids thought about getting into radio he would just show them this video.
Howard said that they should have changed the format to Tradio instead. He said he would have been into that. That led to Howard replaying the prank calls that Richard and Sal made to the Tradio show. Sal's name was ''John Golbunny'' and Howard stopped the tape to talk about how he had been thinking about how well that name would work on radio. It was actually the wrong call so Howard had to start it over and play the right one. That was the one where Sal calls in and tells the guy that he has some Jewish gold teeth from the concentration camps to sell. The host of the show just keeps saying ''Okay'' to everything he's saying.
Howard said you'd think that the host would hear what Sal was saying and say ''What!?'' but he just keeps going. Then Richard calls the guy and says he has some stuff to sell but then he starts laughing in the middle of it and can't get it all out.
The guys goofed on the host of that Tradio show a little bit. Howard was doing his impression of the guy and Robin was laughing at the way the guy talks. Howard said that it would have been funny if someone had called in and bid on the Jew teeth that Sal was selling.
Howard told JD that he'd like to play more blogging from Now FM. JD said he thinks that's her own YouTube page that she did that on. Howard said it has to be sanctioned by the people over there. He said that they probably told her to put it on YouTube to make it viral.
JD said that she's also got her own fitness page where she does some stuff on camera. Howard said that he might want to see that. Howard said she's not bad looking. Howard said that she looks better in this other video than she did in the Now FM video. Howard said that when she's in the K-Rock studios she looks kind of haggard. He said that she looks much better in this other video the guys were showing him.
Howard had the guys replay the video where Lisa Paige is doing her work out video. They showed that and she was showing how she works out. The guys said that wherever it was she was at looked kind of depressing too. Howard said that she's not bad but she may actually need to put on some weight. He said she needs to put her hair down too.
Gary said that he can do it if he wants. Howard asked him if he knows what gambling is. Gary said he did and he knows that you play for money. Gary said that he would play the nickel slots when he would gamble. Gary said he once won $48. Gary said he knows that you need to match up some numbers there.
Howard said that yesterday they asked him what a royal flush was and he thought it was bowling. Howard asked him if he knows what it is today. Gary didn't know.
Gary said that Miss Howard Stern keeps getting on the phone with him and she keeps telling him that she doesn't want to be with ''Zolark.'' Gary said that he's not treating her very well and he doesn't want her around him anymore. Gary said that he's heard that Zolar ties Miss Howard Stern to the radiator and she wants to get away from him.
Gary said that he went out to Las Vegas and it cost him $380 to go out there. Howard said he thinks that Gary wants to have Miss Howard Stern but that's never going to happen. Howard said that they'll have to have the two of them down there sometime. Howard thanked Gary for calling in and Gary got in a little bit of a huff and coughed as he was hanging up.
Howard ended up asking about what Tim Sabean is going to be doing this weekend with his diet. Robin said that Tim is actually going to the shore with her. He's going to spend the weekend with her doing his detox diet (21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox). They're going to be doing enemas down there too. Robin said that Tim's wife won't be there. Howard asked Robin why she's so into this detox thing with Tim. Robin said that she likes Tim and she wants to help.
Howard wondered if Robin was going to be able to spend the whole weekend with him. Robin said it's a big house, she won't have to be around him the whole time.
Robin said that they have a whole routine down there and Tim is going to learn how to do this detox on his own. She said that he'll start to handle his own soup and do the other stuff he needs to do. Robin said that they'll be walking and talking and learning how to maintain this. Robin said that Dr. Roni and James will be down there as well. She said she likes hanging out with the two of them so things will be good.
Howard asked why these new age people have to whisper all the time. He said that Roni was doing that yesterday. Robin said she doesn't do that herself.
Gary said he's been hearing stories about Tim. He said he heard that he got a colonic yesterday and he was drenched in sweat and in a foul mood. He said he heard he was busy going to the bathroom quite a bit too.
Howard asked the guys to bring in Dr. Roni so he could talk to her about this colonic that Tim had. Roni came in speaking softly like she did yesterday. She told Howard she has to talk that way to be calm around the sick people she's around all day long.
Roni said that Tim was very calm with the colonic yesterday and things went smoothly. She said that people were e-mailing her all night about this. She said that they have some people who want to do the detox with him.
Howard asked if they were able to get the tube up his ass all the way. Roni said that he took it all in and things were fine. Howard asked if he had any ass juice back there. Roni said she was just there for education and she wasn't doing the colonic herself. She said that they had a specialist there doing it for him.
Howard said that she was in the room so he wanted to know if she saw anything. Robin said that Roni can't see anything in there. Howard asked if she saw Tim in his gown. Roni said she did see him in the gown but it wasn't open so she didn't see his ass.
Artie said that Tim must have one of those Lily White Mid-Western asses. Howard said that he heard that Roni said that Tim looked like a big white turtle while he was on his back. She said that wasn't true.
Howard asked Roni if she saw the Colon Therapist stick the tube in. She said she went in after that. Howard asked how long Tim took water in there. She said that it's a continuous flow for about 45 minutes. She said that you take some water in and then you release. They do that over and over again over that 45 minutes. Roni said that the Colon Therapist rubs your stomach while that's going on too. Artie said that they weren't able to get the tube in his ass when they tried to give him his colonic.
Howard asked what came out of Tim. Roni said that he had a pretty normal stool. She said that he didn't have any black tar coming out. She said that they haven't gotten to that part yet.
Howard asked if Tim got to see his own turds coming out. Roni said that he probably did. She said that he's looking really good already. Howard asked where Tim was. He came in a few seconds later.
Tim said that he's lost 8 pounds already. He went on to talk about how he was fine after the colonic until he got back to work. Then he got stomach cramps and he wasn't able to get back up to the floor fast enough. He said that he got up there and into the lobby and ran back to the bathroom. He said he was sweating like crazy and then the door was locked to the bathroom. It turned out it was Jared in the bathroom. Tim said that it was like a volcanic eruption when he finally got on the toilet.
Tim said that he felt really good after he got that out of him. Tim said that it was just water that came out. Artie said the same thing happened to him. He said that he had a volcanic eruption and he did feel good when he was done.
Will came in and said he went to the bathroom later in the day and saw brown all over the toilet and had wondered what happened in there. Tim said that was bullshit and it was just water that came out. Will said that he wasn't lying about that.
Dr. Roni said that they have a lot of stuff planned for Tim this weekend. Tim said that Artie should join them. Artie said that he's going to be at his shore house having a barbecue instead.
Howard asked Roni how many enemas Tim is going to take this weekend. She said it will probably be just one. They will teach him how to do the coffee enemas so he can do that stuff on his own. Howard asked if they're going to help him out with that. Roni said that she will help. Roni said that they have a lot of people who want to join Tim on this. They have a lot of work to do.
Howard said it sounds like they have a nice weekend coming up. Roni said that they have a lot of people rooting for Tim. She said that they can find out more and follow his progress at MVDietDetox.com.
Howard thanked Dr. Roni for coming in and let her go. He said she had trouble opening the studio door and said that must be from the diet. Artie said that he would be tempted to go down to the shore with Robin and Tim but he has a gig this weekend. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said they have the Mexican Delivery game coming up today with Tory Lane and another porn star. Howard said he likes the Tory Lane porn clips that they pulled for him. He played some clips and she's yelling at guys to fuck her hard and stuff.
Howard said that she should be really good at the Mexican Delivery game. Howard said that if Robin did that kind of thing she'd have a line of guys out her door.
Howard played another clip where Tory was gurgling some guy's jizz. Howard said that they have Kagney Linn Karter coming in to play the game with her too. He played some of her audio clips as well. In her clips she was talking about how no one can ride a cock like she can.
Howard said that his wife was on the phone. He picked up and had some guy doing an impression of the porn clips. Howard said that his mom was just like that when he was growing up. He joked that she was always yelling about fucking her in her ''cunt hole'' like Tory Lane was doing.
Howard said it doesn't look like the Mike he knows. Mike came in a short time later. Howard told him that he should go on that Acutane stuff to get rid of the acne. Mike said that he has some prescription stuff he's on but he doesn't need that Acutane. Mike said that all head shots are air brushed. Howard said that you want people to see what you look like.
Howard said that Mike looks like he has more hair in the pictures too. Howard said that he doesn't have that much hair. Mike said that they didn't touch that picture. Howard said that he doesn't have that much hair. He told him to make the pictures look more like him.
Howard said that Mike looks handsome in the pictures but it doesn't really look like him. Howard told Mike that guys are going to see him in the pictures, set up a date and then run away. Fred played car peeling out audio clips as they were talking about that.
Howard told Mike to try that Acutane stuff to get rid of that acne. Howard told Mike he looks like Liza Minelli in that picture on his site. Mike didn't think that the Acutane was a miracle drug but Artie told him that it kind of is. He said he knows a guy who used it and it really was like a miracle.
Howard said that he knows people like that too. Howard told Mike that he looks good but he could look better with the Acutane.
Gary told Howard that Mike is going to London this summer just to see Michael Jackson. That led to Howard talking about Michael Jackson and how no male can relate to a guy like that. He said that the guy just isn't happening at this point.
Lisa said that she called the reporter who gave Baba Booey a shout out on MSNBC. He wanted to do an interview with her until the MSNBC press department found out about it and stopped him from doing the interview. Howard said that maybe the guy is out of control and they know something that they don't know.
Lisa said they asked some experts if Richard Christy is gay after the stuff they discussed on the show yesterday. They asked the people at Out Q about that and they didn't think that he was gay for fast forwarding to the money shot in porn movies.
Howard said that no straight guy thinks about cum shots as being hot. That led to Howard playing some audio of Richard talking about shooting big loads and how he fantasizes about that.
Howard said that Jay was on The View talking about how he's doing this free show for the people in Detroit. Howard said the whole motivation to do it is to promote his new prime time show. Howard said that now a Detroit politician has condemned Jay Leno. She told him he needs to change the location because he's doing it in Auburn Hills and not in Detroit.
Howard said that the person who has really gone off the deep end is Chuck Norris. Howard said that he married a hot girl and he ended up getting very religious. Howard said he started supporting Mike Huckabee for President and now he's looking to be President of Texas and he wants the state to secede from the rest of the country.
Howard read the story about Norris' crazy idea. He said that this is all happening since they got a black President. Howard said he's kind of surprised that Norris would do something like this. He said it's kind of crazy.
Howard said that he was reading a story about this guy who wrote a letter to the judge in the Madoff case and the guy was telling him that his family shouldn't benefit from the money Madoff stole. He said that if they have to rent a shack for the rest of the life, that's the way it should be. Robin said she heard that they're going to let a bunch of people speak at the hearings today. Howard said it would be great if Fred the Elephant Boy got to speak up there. Fred played some audio of Elephant Boy doing his Korean guy impression.
Howard said that they're saying that Michael Bloomberg is worth even more now and he's one of the few who were able to make money in this down economy.
Howard said that P. Diddy was telling Ellen Degenres about his Twittering. He had some audio of that so he played the clip. In that clip P. Diddy told Ellen about how some other celebrities got in on it early and he followed them in. He bragged that he's like the number one guy on Twitter right now. Ellen didn't even know what Twitter was. Howard wondered how people watch that show. Diddy did his Twitter thing live on the air.
Howard said he sees Artie texting all the time so he started to text Beth. He said that Beth ended up going out with Robin last night for dinner. Howard asked what they talked about and Beth wouldn't tell him. He said that Beth likes Robin a lot and she won't share any gossip.
Howard said he tried texting yesterday and he had trouble typing with his big thumbs. Robin said that the keys really are small.
Howard said that he texted his daughter and he gets immediate replies when he does that. He said that he asked her where she was because he was hungry. He said that she got right back to him.
Robin told Howard that Beth showed her text from him to her. She said that Beth didn't think his texts were very good. Howard said he doesn't want to be evaluated like that.
Gary said that kids won't take calls from their parents anymore and you're supposed to text them instead. He said he had to text his son to let him know that he was there to pick him up from a friend's house the other day. He said he was knocking on the door of the house and no one could hear because they were playing Guitar Hero so loud.
Howard had some audio of Ellen asking P. Diddy about getting Chris Brown and Rihanna back together. P. Diddy said that he wouldn't twitter about that. Then he said that he wouldn't cast a judgment on what other people do. He was saying that he wouldn't judge what Chris did or didn't do to Rihanna. He said that he's his friend and he let them borrow his house.
Howard said that P. Diddy knows the details of that story but he was claiming he didn't in that clip. Howard said that he's sure that he ''casts'' judgment on many things and he's full of it when he says he doesn't.
Howard played more of the audio of Diddy and Ellen talking about the Chris Brown stuff. Diddy said that he doesn't think it's right to hit anyone. He said that there are a lot of stones being thrown and he thinks that they have to pray for them instead of just assuming they know what went on. Howard said that he doesn't get the Ellen show. He has no idea what they're staying in that interview.
He said he had to go to break after that. He had to prepare for the Mexican Delivery Game. The guys spent a minute talking about that. They have new rules for the game today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they were going to try the Mexican Delivery Game. He said that this time they have two women competing against each other.
Howard had the guys bring in porn stars Kagney Linn Karter and Tory Lane. He said that Tory has been in porn for 5 years and Kagney has been in for 7 months. Howard asked Kagney if she's at a disadvantage since she's a newcomer. She said that she is pretty new to it. She said that looks can be deceiving though.
Howard asked if Kagney grew up in a sexually active household. She said that she came from a pretty wild family. She had a single parent, her mom, and her father wasn't around.
Howard asked what happened to her father. She said that he ended up in jail. She said that she got into porn because she likes shooting sex on camera though. She said that her father is still in jail. She said that she never really found out why he was in jail. Howard said that they might be able to find out. She said that it might be one of those ''three strikes'' thing. Howard had some notes about her and it said that he was in for armed robbery. Kagney said she knew that but didn't bring it up.
Kagney said that her father wrote to her and she will probably read the letters later on in her life but she's not ready to do that. She said that she needs to face it in more mature times.
Howard talked to Tory about her career and asked her how she got into the porn. She said she started out working at Hooters and then moved on to stripping and then to porn. Howard asked her what she would do at the strip clubs. She said that she was really good at what she did. Howard asked if she's good at giving hand jobs. She said that she knows what a guy likes and she was really good at it.
Will asked Tory if she was okay talking about what she did at the strip clubs. She said she was fine with that. Will told Howard that she actually did guys at the strip clubs. Tory said that one thing leads to another in the clubs and that's what happened a couple of times.
Howard read some stuff about what Tory has done in her porn movies and asked her about some of that stuff. She talked about having anal with some guys like Lexington Steel. She said that it's not easy to do stuff like that. The girls talked about how they're going to be shooting some content together this week.
Howard asked the girls if they have ever hooked up before. The girls said that they think the chemistry is there and they will do good together.
Howard asked the girls about their first video together and why they don't try it out in their private life first. The girls said that they would try it but it's more of a ''if it happens, it happens'' type of thing.
Howard asked the girls if they're afraid of falling in love or anything. Kagney said that she can't afford to fall in love right now. They said that their scenes should be good together.
Howard asked Tory about doing double penetration. She talked about that in the interview she did with Richard Christy. She loves doing the DP thing. She has also had two cocks in her ass so Howard asked her about that. She said that's not one of her favorite things to do. She said that it can actually be pretty dangerous.
Kagney said that she hasn't thought about doing that. Kagney said that she really didn't know what she was getting into at first and she didn't know that she was going to be making a name for herself. She said she does enjoy what she's doing though.
Howard said that he had some examples of the work the girls have done. He said he had some Tory Lane stuff to play first. He played a clip of her giving oral and yelling at the guy what to do. It was the clip that he had played earlier.
Howard said that one of the delivery guys was there so they had to get to the game. Howard said he hates to put the two of them up against each other but that's what they have to do. Howard said that he's going to tell this guy, Raul, that he can give him money like maybe $50 and he can skip that and go for the girls instead. Howard said that whichever girl gets the guy to pick them.
Howard had Raul come in a short time later. They had Louis in there to interpret for him. Howard found out that Raul was from Mexico and that was the first one they've actually had from Mexico. Howard told him they had a great game for him. He explained to him what they were going to offer him. He said he would give him $50 as a tip or he could forget the tip and pick one of the ladies to get naked for him. Louis told him what Howard was saying and then Tory got up to show him what she had to offer. Howard said that they also had Kagney there to get naked if he wanted her.
Howard asked Raul if he wanted the 50 bucks or one of the girls. Raul wanted the money. Howard told him to hold on. Howard offered him the $50 or a hug and a titty squeeze with Tory. Then he had Tory strip down for him. She got up and stripped down for him. Howard asked him what he wanted to do now. Raul said that he wanted the money.
Howard then said that he would give Raul the money or he would let him rub her titties, rub her ass and spank her. Raul was all about the money. He said that it wasn't enough money for all of that. Howard said that the girls had failed and they weren't going to get any plugs because of that.
Howard asked Tory what went wrong. They weren't sure. Howard ended up giving Raul a $100 tip instead of just the 50 bucks. Howard said that the game was being sponsored by Howard TV and gave them some plugs.
Howard asked Louis if he had translated correctly. Louis said of course he did. Howard said they have to up the ante there and figure out how to get the guys to go for the girls.
Howard asked the girls what they would be willing to do together. Tory was ready to lick Kagney's pussy in front of the guy. Howard said that maybe they should just make out in front of him instead.
Howard had the guys bring in Hector next. Hector came in and Howard told him what they were doing there. He asked Hector where he was from and when he last had sex. Hector was from Mexico and he last had sex 6 months ago. Howard told the girls to strip down so Hector could see what they looked like.
They did that and then Howard told Hector that he'd be able to touch titties, smack an ass and hug one of them. Howard asked him what he wanted, the money or the girls. Hector was watching the girls and trying to make up his mind. Then he picked the money.
Howard told Hector that he could climb on top of the girls and rub them. Louis told him what Howard was saying and Hector was still going to take the money. No one could believe what was happening.
Howard told Hector he was going to give him a $100 tip. Howard thought he must have been out of it or something because he looked a little off.
Howard said that this was embarrassing. The girls said that those guys would rather just sit at home and watch the porn instead of getting the real thing. They thought they were intimidating to the guys.
Howard said that he feels bad for the girls so he was going to give them plugs anyway. Will said they had one more guy coming up soon. Howard decided to hold off for that guy. Will said that he should be up within a couple of minutes.
Howard told the girls they have to do it this time. He told them that he's going to tell the guy what he can do to them and he hopes that it works this time. Gary said that they needed another 2 minutes. Howard had the girls get naked a minute before so they figured that it was just another excuse to get them naked.
Howard asked the girls if they have kissed. They went right in and kissed each other as soon as he asked. Howard said that it did appear that they love each other. He said that they were going to wrap up with them. Howard gave Tory a plug for ToryLane.com. Howard said that she's also on Howard TV this month. You can find Kagney at KagneyLinnKarter.com. You can also see both of them at LADirectModels.com
Howard asked the girls if they would ride the Sybian. The girls were ready to do it but Kagney didn't even know what it was. Howard showed them what it was and had them take a ride on it. He told them to be honest and not just make up what they were feeling.
Howard had Gary put on his welder's mask while he was controlling the Sybian. The girls were already started on the machine and Gary hadn't even taken control yet. The girls asked for more power so Gary slowly turned it up. One of the girls, Kagney, ended up peeing. She kept saying ''I'm peeing, I'm peeing!'' Howard said that they did have an accident. She said that it was just squirt ''wink, wink.''
Gary said they always have a first there. Howard gave the girls some more plugs and let them go a short time later. He sounded kind of stunned out by the pee thing.
Howard said that he was lecturing the guys in there. He said that some of the delivery guys were having trouble getting up there so he told them to have one of the guys go down to help them get up there. Howard said they looked at him like he was a genius.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that game was great. Howard said that the guys looked afraid of being deported or something. The caller said he heard the translation going on and he thought it was more like they were being told they would knee him them in the groin or something.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the game was the greatest bit they've ever done. Robin asked Howard what happened to him when he saw the girl pee. Howard said that she didn't have a full accident, she just had to stop because she felt like she was going to pee.
Howard said that he had Mike Walker on the line. He got him on and asked how long he's been with the show. Mike said it's been about 12 years now.
Howard said that Artie was kind of nodding off today and he was thinking that he might be ''dancing'' as Chip Z'Nuff put it. Artie said that he's just not getting enough sleep. He said he's been rebelling against this schedule and he's been staying up too late. Howard asked if he wanted to take a nap. Artie said he didn't want to do that. He said that he was going to stay up for the game today.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have video of Artie falling asleep during the show. They have him nodding off during that game earlier. Artie said that he was just sitting down into the chair really slowly. Artie said that he's just really tired. The guys thought it looked like he might have been wasted or something. Artie swore that he was just tired. He said they have every right thinking that he's ''dancing'' but he's really just tired and maybe close to a heart attack. Artie said he's been staying up late watching basketball and stuff.
Artie said that he's been gambling and stuff but he's not ''dancing.'' Artie said he would take a drug test if they wanted him to. Howard said he didn't have to do that.
Howard said they had some video from last week where Artie was standing up and falling asleep. Artie said that he wasn't out cold in those clips. Howard said he was very close. Howard said he was fighting the sleep very hard.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Artie said it's almost like Howard was in the funeral Parlor business and when he left it, the people stopped dying. Howard said that's a good way to put it.
Howard asked Robin how she's holding up with her money. She said that she was wiped out. Howard said that it's odd that Bloomberg is doing so well. Robin said that he made out because of the misfortunes of others. She explained to Howard how he made the money.
Howard said that he sees how bad things are going right now and it's really bad. Artie said he took a big hit. He said that he gave $100,000 to an investment bank and it's now $65,000. Robin said that's the hard part when it's hard earned money that disappears like that.
Artie said they don't want him to take the money out right now. He said that now he's thinking about reinvesting what he can in a lot of stuff now since it's so low. He said he'll hold on to his homes but he might buy more. He said he has cash to buy stuff and he knows that there must be something smart he could do to secure his future.
Artie said he doesn't have time to think about what to do with the money he does have. He said he wants to figure out what it is that he can do so he won't look back in 10 years wondering what he should have done.
Howard tried taking phone calls but the people weren't there. Howard told the guys they may want to pick up and make sure the people are still there once in a while. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and read that Bill Gates had lost $18 billion but he's still the richest guy in the country. He and Robin talked about that for a few seconds. Artie said that's the kind of money that you don't know what to do with. He said you have to feel philanthropic when you have that kind of money. Howard said he would go to dinner and get a bottle of $800 wine if he had that kind of money. Robin said that she's going to pay him back for that wine as soon as she gets some money.
Howard had Shuli come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve was out on assignment ruining another Wack Packer's life. Robin said that Shuli is engaged.
Howard asked Robin what her dinner with Beth was like. Robin said that they had a good time and Beth was giggling when she mentioned something about her ''husband.'' Howard said that he laughs when he says ''wife'' too. He said it's funny.
Robin told Howard that Beth doesn't talk about him when they're out. Howard asked if she complained about his penis being too big. Robin said that they don't talk about anything like that. Howard said he wants Beth to talk about him that way and he's going to suggest that she do that from now on. He said that she did say that he was hurting her the other night. Shuli asked if he was jumping down on her or something. Howard said he dove in.
Shuli said that they got their hands on High Pitch Eric's resume yesterday. He said that they have a few questions about it like why there's a 4 year gap between his two most recent jobs. He also said that Eric has been starting to pay off some of the money he owes to people.
Howard said he saw Eric out in front of the building and he was carrying a cup. He wondered if he was begging for money or just drinking.
Shuli said that Underdog Lady is going to be marching in the St. Patrick's Day parade in Delaware next week. Shuli said that Sour Shoes is back to pranking Steve Langford. He said that he got about 100 calls from sour Shoes and Tim Sabean has asked him to cut back on the calls. Steve wants him to go to jail. That led to Howard playing some of the prank calls Sal and Richard made to Steve using those Sour Shoes audio clips.
The guys were goofing on Steve for a few minutes after that. Artie said that he always trails off when he says his name on the news previews. Howard said he thinks he does that becuase he's embarassed about what he's doing for them.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Jon mentioned Howard's texts to Beth and Howard interrupted saying that he's not going to text her anymore after what Robin told him about her showing them to her. Howard texted Beth to let her know that he's not going to text her anymore. He blamed Robin for that. Howard told Beth ''No LOL'' and that he was serious about that. Howard said that's embarrassing to him.
Gary told Howard that High Pitch Mike is the number one search on Google trends this morning. He said that ''Kelly Clarkson Pregnant'' is another one that's on the list. Gary's IM was on and Howard heard the sound of that so he asked if he was still using that. Gary said that he uses it like an intercom in the studio. Jon Hein said that a lot of people are locked into that AOL stuff and he thought that they still had to pay for it. Fred told him that it's actually free now. Jon didn't know that.
Jon told Howard to get a Blackberry phone. He said that the new Treo is good for video but for the stuff Howard wants to do he should be fine with a Blackberry. He said that it works great. Howard said he wants to be on the internet on his phone. He said he wants the good technology.
Ralph called in and told him to just get an iPhone. Howard said he's heard that the iPhone doesn't work well with Lotus Notes. Ralph said that he heard that it worked fine with it. Howard said it works but apparently not very well. Ralph told him that the new Palm Pre won't have a good sized screen either.
Richard has an iPhone and said that Lotus Notes works fine on it. Then he said that he has to put in a password every time. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Jon got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and went through some more of the stuff they'd be talking about. He mentioned Richard Christy's love of the money shots in porn. Howard said that he heard that Richard jerked off and came on his face one time.
Richard said that he didn't do it on purpose. He said that he used to have hang ups about masturbating. He said he thought that it took away all of his energy so he didn't do it. Howard told Richard it was taking too long to tell this story. Richard said he went on tour and didn't jerk off for a month and then he came back and jerked off after a month and the load went all over the place and got on his face. Howard told him to get out of there. He said that sounds weird to him.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard to get a Palm Pre because it'll have a real keyboard on it and he should be able to get it by June of this year. Vinnie was saying that Bono is a big shareholder in that company now. Howard didn't care that he was and he wasn't going to buy a phone just because Bono owns it.
Robin said that she'd like to be able to IM on her phone. Howard said he has that on his. Robin said she doesn't even have that.
Howard said that he's looking for people to text now that his wife has said his texts are dumb. Artie told him to text him. Howard wondered what they'd text about. Artie said they'll goof on people.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in with his show preview. Mutt said that they're going to have High Pitch Eric on the phone since Joey Boots had to bail on him. He said they'll also talk about some of the stuff that has gone on this week on the show. Superfan Roundtable airs Thursday nights at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard read an e-amil from a guy who said that they should have pictures of Ronnie up on his web site when they talk about him like they did yesterday. Howard said he thinks that they should have ROnnie up there every day to see what he's waering.
Ronnie came in and changed the subject to Artie. He said that Artie was wiped out from eating those three cupcakes that he had. Artie said that he really was wiped out from that. He said that he's been eating all morning and it's like grazing. He said that's what he was thinking about Tim because he used to do the same thing.
The caller said that he was back stage in Connecticut and he thought that Sal's dad was Ronnie. He said that they must have the same guy telling him what to wear. Sal said that his dad really does look a lot like Ronnie. He said that his father's hair is a bit higher than Ronnie's though. He said he uses like 2 cans of hair spray to get his hair as high as he does.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about the Octomom getting some nurses to help out with the kids. Robin had some audio of Gloria Alred talking about that. She had her talking about how they hope that the public will come through and help pay for the help they need to take care of those kids. Howard said that there should be no need for people to help out with this. He said it's like pets that people don't take care of and end up in shelters.
Robin read a story about a diver who had a 2 hour battle with a shark. She said that the guy had speared the shark 7 times before he was able to finish it off with a knife. That led to a discussion about ''drowning'' a fish. Artie said that fishermen call it drowning when you take them out of the water. No one had ever heard of that before but Artie said that's what he's heard. Howard was trying to come up with some new super heroes after that. He was inspired by the shark story.
Robin had a story about a Ferrari crash that killed a Mixed Martial Arts guy. The car was torn in half when it hit a pole while it was racing against another car. Robin said that the guy who was killed was Charles Lewis who was also known as Mask.
Robin said that a guy in his 30s went over Niagara Falls yesterday and survived. They weren't sure if he was trying to kill himself or not but he was able to get into the water and went over. A rescue helicopter tried to save him but the guy didn't want their help.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin's daughter's pregnancy and how she has broken up with the baby's father. She said that she was calling his family ''white trash'' and she didn't want their kid to be around his family.
Cyrus called in and told Howard that the character he was describing earlier already existed. Fred looked it up and said that it wasn't quite what Howard was describing. Howard said that his character was Flying Fishman.
Robin read some news about K-Rock and their format and name change. They're now ''Now FM.'' Robin said that there are people saying that you can't run a station on a Howard Stern Model without Howard Stern. Howard said that guy deserves a raise.
Robin read about Bernie Madoff going to court today. She said that he's there already and they will have a hearing about the charges against him. She had some audio clips of some people who were involved with the case talking about what was going on.
Howard said that Gary got a call from FOX news because they thought that he had been swindled by Bernie Madoff. Howard said that there was apparently another Howard Stern that was ripped off. Howard said he should have done the interview and pretended that it was him. Howard said he hopes that Madoff gets put in a hard core prison and not one of those country club jails. Robin said that the prosecutors want Bernie put away immediately because they don't want him running off.
Robin read some news about the gunman who killed 10 people down in Alabama. She said that the guy worked in a sausage factory. That led to Fred playing some Beavis and Butt-Head laughing clips. Artie tried to do his Butt-Head laugh to that but he sounded very sleepy. Robin also read a story about 15 people being killed by a 17 year old high school student.
Howard said he was looking at the new logo for Now FM and it was really lame. He said he's not sure what company they're using over there but the logo looks like something from the past, not from ''now.''
Ralph called in and asked about this Madoff story. He said that he heard that Madoff's wife has like 30 million and he thinks that the family should be penniless. Howard said that there have to be guys at the SEC who knew about this and have to be fired. Howard said that if they're not doing their jobs they should be fired. He said they can't let them keep going if they're not doing their jobs. Howard said he thinks that the money that the family does have should be given back to the people they swindled. He said that the $7 million apartment should be sold and that money should go to the people who he ripped off.
Robin read a story about a drug lord who is on the list of the richest people in the country. Howard mentioned that he has a Three Stooges marathon planned for this weekend. He said he has all of the DVDs and he wants to watch all of that this weekend. He said he's going to watch them like a mental patient. Howard said that he has a picture of Mo in his office. He said that Mo is his hero. So is Curley.
Robin read a story about how there are a lot of stay at home dads these days. Howard said he'd like to be one of those. He said he calls those people ''lucky'' while Robin said that Steven Colbert calls them ''SADs.'' Robin said that there are groups on the web where stay at home dads can get in touch with one another.
Robin read a story about some banned substances on a needle that was used to inject Roger Clemens. Howard said he's so tired of those stories.
Robin had some news about how there could be as many as 9 billion people in this world by the year 2050. That led to Howard wondering how old he's going to be in that year. They figured he'd be 96. Howard said he might just live that long. He said that Gary will be 89 then and he has to be alive to see what that looks like.
Howard said that Gary looks funny with his new hair cut. He said that he looks like Jerry Lewis in one of his old movies. Robin said that sea levels could rise as much as 5 feet by 2050 and they have to start planning for that now.
Howard said that they have a friend of the show who was ripped off by Bernie Madoff. He picked up on Beetlejuice who said that he gave the guy $10 million. Howard asked him how he was convinced to give him that money. Beet kept saying that he lied to him about the investing. Beet said he's going down to the courthouse today to confront him. Howard asked Beet what he thinks the judge should do to the guy. Beet said he should cut his balls off. Beetlejuice sounded like he was really upset by the whole thing.
Robin read a story about a ballistic missile test that's supposed to go on in North Korea. She also had a story about the guy who threw his shoe at President Bush and he was sentenced to 3 years in prison.
Robin read a story about Rosario Dawson's latest movie. She had some audio of her talking about the her life as she nears 30. She was rambling so Fred played the Grandpa Al Lewis ''Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla... huh'' clip a couple of times.
Howard said that he just got two new text messages. He checked them and said that one was from Beth. He said he's not writing her back. Robin told him that he can use that quick text to get back to her quickly. Howard said he was going to write her back and tell her about Robin making fun of his texts. Beth told him that she was out spending money shopping. Howard told Beth to ''buy a hot tittie outfit.''
Robin said that Race to Witch Mountain has been remade with Duane Johnson. She had some audio of Gary Marshall talking about directing the movie. Howard had to cut that off saying that Gary is a nice guy but he should really just text.
Robin had some news about Jamie Bergman having her second child. She had some news about Giselle Bundchen talking about how she wants to have a bunch of kids with Tom Brady. Robin said that Jada Pinkett Smith has started a school. Howard said he'd like to go to that school or at least send his kids there so they can hang out with Will Smith's kids. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon said that Artie had the vibe that maybe the girls were too into each other and the guys weren't into that. Gary said that the one guy hadn't gotten laid in 6 months and they threw those girls in their face.
Will said that they had a great delivery guy the last time they did this and they have a tough time getting them in the building so there was a lot of that going on today.
Benjy said that maybe the guys were just going to use that money to go out and buy a blow job instead. Gary said that he's not sure about that.
Will said that the girls were giving it a great try today and that Kagney chick was really hot so it wasn't about them not being good looking.
Richard said that they had been trying to get Tory on the Interview with a Porn Star show for years. He said that she was nuts talking about everything on that show. Will said that she had put her hands in her pants during that show to show that she and her boyfriend had just done it that morning. Richard said he saw something on her fingers too but he's not sure what it was.
Will said that Kagney was very open in the pre-interview and he's not sure why she wasn't as open when Howard was asking her about what her father was in jail for. Will said that Tory was even more crazy on that interview show she did with Richard than she was on the show today. Will said that Tory was way guarded today but she took it to a whole other level with Richard a few weeks ago. He's not sure what was going on today.
Gary talked about how they didn't have the translator mic'd up very well today. Will said that it's a hard set up in there and there's just too much going on to know what to do all the time.
Richard said that they had the guys in a different spot today than they usually do and he thinks that might have something to do with why they didn't decide to pick the girls. Gary thought that Richard might be a little jaded because he's seen it so much on the show. He said that those guys don't get to see that stuff that much and he's pretty sure that they liked what they saw.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thought the interpreter was awful today and she thought he was telling the guys stuff they couldn't actually do like getting on top of the girls. Gary and the guys said that is what Howard told him to say so that wasn't out of line. The guys went over that for a few minutes and figured that it wasn't about the interpreter.
Another caller said that he thinks the guys are out of touch. He said that the economy is so shitty right now that they're not going to pass on that kind of money for a cheap thrill. Gary said that it is a lot of money to them but that's the whole point of the game. Gary said that those guys don't get offered that kind of stuff that often so it's not that frivolous.
Ronnie came in and said that they've never had a problem getting the delivery guys in the building before. He said that today they had a problem with the guy coming up in the freight elevator and getting that all mixed up. Will told Ronnie that he has a million things to do in the studio and he didn't know that he had done wrong.
Ronnie said that he had those guys up there in 3 minutes today when they came to the front desk. He said it's not his fault. Will said that's fine. He told Ronnie that he should have told him where to send the guys if he wasn't happy where they were going. They were blaming someone else by the name of Danny. Ronnie said that stuff isn't his job. Will told him that he can go above and beyond his job sometimes.
Gary said he thinks they've gone over that enough. Will told Gary that he warned him that it wouldn't be good for the radio. Gary said that it was good, he just wanted to move on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the guys can jerk off to those girls for the next year and take the money home with him. Gary said that doesn't make sense because guys go to strip clubs and spend money to get just a mental image that they can jerk off to.
Will said that they've done the game in the past and this is the first time they've had both guys pass on the girls and take the money. Richard said that maybe the guys jerked off right before they came up and weren't horny enough.
Another caller said that the last guy took the words out of his mouth. He said that those guys just needed that money and they could get hotter girls to spend the night with them. Gary said that they have had guys take the girls before.
The guys asked Richard if he would be able to turn down the money and go for the girls. Richard said that he might have to take the money but he'd have to be in that position to actually tell.
Gary asked Richard if he goes to the strip clubs. Richard said he used to but he hasn't lately. Gary said that he had to have dropped money there. Richard said that he used to buy used dirty magazines back in the days when he wasn't making a lot of money. He said that it didn't bother him thinking about what may have been done to them before. Richard said he still has those magazines in a storage space there in the city. He said he has his drums there too so he can justify spending the money on that stuff.
Richard said that he has some classic hustler and Penthouse magazines in that storage locker and he's hoping that some day he'll be able to sell them.
Will said that Richard gave Howard a glass case with his cum in it one year. Richard said that was back in the Christmas of 2005. He said it was hard to find something for him so he did this piece of art where he jerked off on a piece of glass and framed it. Richard said they actually have it in their office now. Will said that it has turned kind of yellow and green around the edges like it has mold in it.
Richard said that he wants to be cloned after he dies so he hopes that someone can do that with that framed cum. Jon said that Ronnie was getting creeped out by all of this stuff. Ronnie said that it really is gross. He said that Richard will never do anything like that for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're going to see Richard in jail one day for this weird stuff he does. Richard said that it's not illegal to jerk off.
Richard said that he learned that Jon loves lesbian porn. Jon said that he just said that he'd rather watch two girls go at it when he was asked about watching guys cum. Will said that anyone who really watches porn doesn't want to watch two girls doing it.
Richard said he saw those pictures a couple of weeks ago but he was sworn to silence. He said that they look vaguely like Mike.
Gary said that he thought that the pictures were air brushed with a broom. Jim McClure came in and said that Jared actually went out clothes shopping with Mike and they helped him pick out the pictures for the site too. He said that some of them were just way too weird to put on the site.
The guys talked about some of the strange pictures that Mike has up on his site. They goofed on most of what he had up there.
Benjy was saying that he thought it was out of line for Howard to say that Mike shouldn't air brush his pictures. He said that he thinks that when you're dating you should use the best picture you can. He said that it helps you get the date and you might luck out with the guys you meet. Benjy said that he's had girls tell him that he looks different and he just tells them ''yes I do.''
Ralph called in and said that he was listening to the music on Mike's web site and played it over the phone. Mike came in around that time too and told him that it was a good song.
Ralph told Mike that he has nothing to promote on that site and it's filled with useless information. He said that no one cares about him. He said that he's just looking for attention and that's what the site is all about. Ralph told Mike that he's still an asshole because he picked the fights with Artie over the past couple of years.
Ralph asked Mike why this web site exists. Mike said he had a friend who told him that he should have one and that's why he did it. Mike said he thinks that the site is fun. Ralph said that he's having a blast with it.
Gary said that Mike has a blog on the site and he tells people about his upcoming trip to London. It was a goofy write up like it was two stars crossing paths. Mike said he'd like to meet some Stern fans over there when he goes.
Ralph asked Mike who authorized him to put up audio clips from the show. Mike said that he's promoting the show and Howard TV so that's why it's okay to do that.
Ralph said that Mike is trying to be cool so he's not sure why he's trying. Mike said he knows that he's not cool and he's not trying to be.
Gary said that he knows that Mike jokes about some stuff there on his site but some people don't know that he's goofing around. Mike said that the only people gong there are Stern Fans and they should all know that he's just goofing. Gary said he was thinking about taking his web site down now that everyone else is putting one up.
Benjy said that if Mike makes some money and gets laid from this web site there there's no harm done. Ralph said that he knows that Mike is just going for attention when he does this stuff and he was right about it when he said that's what he was doing with Artie when he'd confront him on the air.
Ralph and Mike went back and forth arguing about the web site for a couple of minutes. Mike was saying that Ralph doesn't do a very good job dressing Howard. He said that Howard is happy with Artie falling asleep on the show though so maybe he shouldn't be surprised that he keeps Ralph. Ralph said that this web site is so useless.
Jon asked Mike if he's gotten any e-mails from any gay guys yet. Mike said that he hasn't checked the e-mail yet so he's not sure. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that if there was any justice then Robin would let them bring cameras to her house to watch what's going on. Gary said he doesn't want to see Tim getting his enemas. Benjy said that they could call it the ''Enema House'' like the old MTV Beach House show.
Will said that he pictures Tim in a Gyno chair with his ankles above his head. Gary said he sees Tim in the fetal position.
Jon said that they're going to be teaching Tim how to do this stuff on his own. Gary said that Tim has already done better than they thought he was going to do. Gary said that Tim talking about the colonic was pretty wild. Will said that he saw the toilet yesterday and there was brown stuff around the bottom of the toilet.
Gary said that bathroom is getting really nasty lately. He said that they have a no shitting rule for most people in there. There are only some who are allowed to shit in there. Benjy said that if he had to shit he would go to another bathroom. Gary said that no one should be going number 2 in there unless they're essential to the show.
Gary said that some of the people should go to the other bathroom instead of that one. Gary said they should put a speaker in the public bathroom but he can't be away from the show for that long and miss it.
Richard said that Steve Langford is really into the fecal stuff. He just did a story about Kevin Kraft shitting his pants and it sounded like he was really into the story.
Gary said that he doesn't believe it when Scott tells him a story like that. He said he never knows when he's bullshitting him on stuff like that. Scott said he doesn't bullshit. Gary said he does forget to do stuff sometimes and he has excuses for them all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie had said ''I've never had trouble getting guys up before'' and he was hoping that they'd use that for making prank calls. Richard said he'll have to pull that clip, it sounds like a good one.
The caller also brought up the Mexican Delivery Game girls and that led to Scott saying that he had handed that Kagney girl something to wipe herself with and she used it, gave it back to him, and told him to sell it on eBay. Scott said that he just asked her to drop it on the floor instead.
Another caller said that he agrees with Richard about the whole money shot thing but he also believes that when you do it into your own face then it's gay. Richard said he wasn't trying to do it in his face, that was purely an accident.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she works for Palm and she knows that they've been talking phones lately. She said that they have the new Palm Pre coming out and it's something that's going to blow away all of the other things that they've been talking about.
Jon said that he knows the phone has gotten a lot of hype but he didn't want to turn it into an ad. She said that it should be out by June.
Richard said that he loves his iPhone. He said he had a Treo that was pretty good at first but then they started freezing up on him and it drove him nuts. He said that he had to get three different ones and switching to the iPhone was the best thing he did.
Jon asked Gary if he thought that Howard was pissed off about the texting thing. Gary said he didn't think he was really pissed. Will said it was just a cute little lover's quarrel. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:05am.