|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about his upcoming wedding. He said it's coming up soon but wouldn't say when exactly it was. Robin thought it was over the weekend so Howard went along with that and told her it was this weekend and she missed it.
Howard said he's feeling some pressure from this wedding and it hit him over the weekend when he was out for a run. He said he was out running and heard this pop in his back. He said he knew what it was when it hit him and he knew it was from the pressure. He told Beth that he has had back problems before and he ended up calling Dr. John Sarno about it but didn't get a call back yet.
Howard said that Dr. Sarno would tell him that this pressure from the wedding caused the back problems. He said that Beth thought he didn't want to get married when she heard that. He said that he does want to get married and told her he'd be alright. He said the wedding is still on even though Beth told him that they could call off the wedding.
Howard said he pictured Artie showing up and doing some stuff with Norm up there. Howard said he snuck in through the back of the club when he got there. He said that Norm was just going on stage as he got there. He said he snuck in the back and came in dressed in black face so no one would see him.
Howard said that he was sitting there watching Norm's show and saw that there was a hot chick in the audience and it turned out to be Artie's sister. He said she really is hot and he asked Beth why she doesn't have a girlfriend.
Howard said that Artie's sister is really hot and he didn't know just how hot she was. He said that guys bust balls sometimes saying that a sister is hot but she really is. Artie said that his sister was engaged at a time and then said that this stuff comes up in therapy.
Artie said that he feels like he has to take care of his sister and that stuff comes up in therapy. He said that she got engaged to a guy in her mid 20s. She was bartending at the time. He said that she would work from like 10am to closing time and make two grand in a day. He said that she was doing really good doing that. Artie said that it was back in the day when grunge was in and she could wear jeans and a t-shirt.
Artie said that his sister wanted to bartend at a strip club near them and he told her to wait until their dad died before she did that. Then when their dad died Artie told her to wait until he died before she did it.
Artie said that his sister was going to get married to this guy in her mid-20s and this guy owned a bunch of karate schools down in South Jersey. He said that the guy lived in South Jersey and he told her he thought it was great that she knew a guy that knew karate. Artie said he asked her about moving down to the sticks and she was going to give up her career in the fashion business.
Artie moved out to L.A. to do MAD TV and his sister moved out there to help him out. She gave up her job at Ralph Lauren and moved out there to help him out. He thinks that his sister broke up with that guy she was going to marry because of him. She claims it wasn't because of him but he's not sure about that.
Artie said that he was a mess out there in L.A. doing MAD TV and he doesn't remember even doing some of that stuff out there. Artie said his sister started to date another guy and that didn't work out either. He said that he started making money to pay the bills for his family and his mother got involved in his career too.
Artie said that he blames himself for his sister's failed relationships. He said his family really loves him and they're always there for him. He said they have to show up when they think he's about to die.
Howard said Artie's sister had blonde hair and he was looking at her thinking she was really hot. Howard said Beth had to tell him who she was because he didn't recognize her. Artie asked Howard if he would marry his sister. He'd never have to worry about her if that happened. Artie said that he knows that Beth has that all locked up right now though.
Artie said that he had friends who would fall for his sister. He had this one friend Jay who was one of those guys who was in that ''good looking club'' and he ended up dating her for about 6 months. He said that they broke up but he's never asked the guy what happened. He said he didn't ask anything about it but it was rough while they were dating.
Artie said his sister was on vacation Sicily on some ''yoga vacation.'' Howard said that he was really embarrassed that he didn't recognize his sister.
Howard told Eric that he has to do it and it's a great idea. Eric said that he doesn't think it's a good idea but didn't have any reasons why. He said it's not a good fuckin' idea at all. Eric said that it's gay because he wants all of the guys to fuck it in the ass.
Howard said that the doll would be a bi-sexual doll because they'll have women do it too. Artie said that the women are going to put a strap-on on and fuck it in the ass too.
Howard said that if it was a High Pitch Eric doll Eric would think it's funny. Eric said that High Pitch is gay so it would be funny.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that he thinks that it would be easier to have the Real Doll at the Erotic Exotic Ball instead of the real Eric. Howard said that he would cut Eric in if he did do something like that. Johnny said that they wanted to offer like $2500 to do that instead of having the real Eric there.
Johnny said that it wouldn't be like they were really fucking Eric. Eric said that he's not going to go for any of this at all.
Eric said that he looked into how the dolls are made and they have to have him involved. Howard said that's not true, they just need a picture of him.
Artie said that Eric could get some money if they gave the doll out to people to fuck at bachelor parties and stuff. Howard said that he'd give Eric like a grand if they sent the doll to the Erotic Exotic Ball. Johnny said that he'd be taking all of that money if they did that.
Johnny said that they could take the money they make on the one doll to make another doll that they'd like better than the Eric doll.
Howard said they could send Eric out to every state if they had enough made. Howard asked Johnny how much he'd like to cut Eric in on the doll if they loan him out. Johnny said that they could pay him like 20 bucks or so. They'd have cleaning bills and things like that to take care of the doll. Johnny said that they might need to get a priest to pray over it and clean it in a tub of Clorox.
Howard said that he thinks this would be such a lucrative deal that he's not going to make it an Eric doll. He said Eric would get rich off the whole thing. Then Artie and Robin convinced him to make the doll but not cut Eric in on it.
Eric said that he talked to his lawyers this weekend and they're going to stop them from making the doll. Howard said that's not true. He told Eric they can make a doll out of anyone and use it as long as they're not making a ton of them and selling them.
Johnny said that they were hoping to have a built in hose so they can use that to clean up the doll quickly. He asked Howard to read the letter they sent to them about what they want in the doll.
Howard was going to let Johnny go but Johnny said that he had to plug Mob Candy Magazine. He spent a minute talking about the interview he did with them. Howard said he saw that interview and it made it seem like Johnny still had mob ties. Johnny said that's not true and he's not a made man or anything like that. He said the only thing he's making is orange juice for all of these fuckin' kids in the morning.
Howard let Johnny go and told Eric he has to do this. Eric told him that he will be sued if he does. Howard said he's checked with the lawyers and they can go through with this and make it as a parody of him. He said that he's willing to go to court over it. He told Eric about the Jerry Fallwell and Larry Flynt's court case and how that went to the supreme court. He said that Flynt won the case because it was a parody.
Howard said that Eric has no case against them if they do make the doll. Eric said he will figure something out. Eric asked Howard how he'd feel if they made a Real Doll of Beth or his daughters. Gary said that they would never do that because Howard's daughters don't call the show and annoy the shit out of them. He told Eric that if he wants to play the game he has to be prepared for something like this.
Howard told Eric that he is part of the show and he does have to play along. Then Howard told Artie that he should sue Eric over that. Eric said that Artie approved that picture.
Howard read a letter that someone sent to him about these Artie Lange pictures that he's selling. Eric sent out some bulletin about the pictures and told people to buy them if they wanted to get something autographed. Howard said they might have to sue Eric over that. Artie didn't know what he said yes to and he doesn't want to give him approval to sell those pictures that way.
Howard told Eric that if he wants to get into the lawyer thing then they'll get into that. They'll pull the same thing on Eric as he's pulling on them. Artie said that he never approved that Eric could say that he was going to sign those pictures for him.
Eric said that he knows that not everyone is going to get to meet Artie but if they do, they'll have the photo. Artie said that he should sell them some Hugh Hefner pictures too just in case someone might get the chance to meet him.
Artie said that if Eric stops making an issue out of the Real Doll, he'll try to keep his lawyers out of this whole thing. Eric said he guesses that he will drop it then. Artie said that he will let Eric use the picture in the way he is if he doesn't stand in the way of the Real Doll. Howard asked Eric what he thinks. Eric said that he will have to think about it and get back to him. Robin told him not to take too long to do that.
Howard said that he will cut Eric in on the deal if they get the doll. He said if they send it out for appearances he'll give Eric a cut. Artie said that he's not going to even ask for a cut of the pictures he's selling. Howard said he should wait until they hear Eric's decision on the Real Doll. He gave him 24 hours to make his decision.
Howard asked Eric to hold off on selling the pictures for 24 hours too.
Artie was doing his Godfather movie impressions and talking about Eric as if he were making peace with him. Eric said he was lost during the whole thing. Robin asked Eric if he had sold any of the Artie pictures yet. Eric said that he had and he had sent them out. Robin told him that's going to be a problem.
Artie asked what kind of percentage he should get. Howard told him it should be 75 percent because he takes up so much of the picture. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Artie told Eric to go fuck himself at the end of that call. He said that's the way he ends all business calls.
Howard said that Eric's head must be spinning now. He said that he doesn't give anything back but he wants to sell everything and make money off of all of this. Artie said that he didn't approve of him selling the picture and making $17.95 on those pictures. He didn't agree to let him do that.
Howard said that Eric doesn't say a fuckin' thing when he talks to him and he can't imagine what he's saying to people when he leaves them voice mail. Eric said that he does say things to them and he will leave them messages wishing them happy birthday and things like that. Howard said that's not a lot to say when he's charging 50 bucks to do it.
Eric thought that Howard was trying to fuck up his business so he told him to stop. Howard said that Eric is trying to fuck up their Real Doll thing too. Howard said that Artie doesn't want his picture sold either so maybe he should stop doing that. Howard said that he can make the Real Doll without his permission. Eric said they have to make a cast of his body. Howard said they just need the picture of his face and no body cast.
Fred was saying something to Eric and Eric told him to shut up but called him Ralph. Fred said that they don't need to do it with a body cast. He said that they make those Maddam Tussauds wax figures without body casts or even with people there in person. They don't need to have the real person there to make something like that.
Robin said that the doll is going to look just like Eric and he shouldn't get upset when he sees cum dripping out of the ass while someone is fucking it. Howard let Eric go and moved on to some other things.
Howard replayed the song and tried to hear all of the little things they threw into the song. Howard said that they make it sound like you never want to leave but even when he goes to Las Vegas he wants to get the hell out of there after a day or so.
Howard figured that Artie had remembered the song already and asked him to sing it. Artie knew a lot of the lyrics already but didn't have it memorized. Fred said that they have another song they use in their commercial and they use another hit song in that.
Artie said that just about every commercial has a hit song in it these days. He was talking about that and threw in a line about the casino thing and mentioned sucking a dick. That led to Howard playing a techno song that's called ''Suck My Dick.'' Howard played some of that but thought it was a little too repetitive. He said that should be the first song they play at his wedding.
Howard said he was talking to this guy about his upcoming wedding and how his wife was making him take dance lessons for their first dance at their wedding. They're going to be dancing to a techno song though. Robin said that's the thing now and women are making their husbands go out and dance at the weddings because of this Dancing with the Stars thing.
Howard played some more of the ''Suck My Dick'' song and then Gary came in and said that there's a show called ''Rock My Reception'' where they do the wedding dance thing and make a big deal out of that. Howard said the guy who he was talking to said that his wife found it funny that he had to learn to dance.
Howard said he thinks that the reason his back went out might be because he was out with Phoebe Snow on Friday night and thinking about what a big deal this wedding was going to be. He said he's nervous about the whole thing and he feels like he has to entertain all of these people.
Howard said that Artie looked at his watch at 9 o'clock and said he knew it was a Howard Stern bachelor party because things were over by 9 and people were leaving.
Howard said that Artie showed up late to the bachelor party. Artie said that he was told that the party was starting at 9 but it turns out it was 7. Artie said that he was supposed to drive Ralph but when he texted him he told him that he was already there.
Artie said that he had a very responsible day on Thursday and he set his alarm to get up early. He said that Ross told him 9 abut it must have been a misunderstanding. Howard said that he didn't go to the strip club that night and it was very tough for him not to go. Gary said that Howard told them he was leaving and didn't go with them.
Howard said it was 10 o'clock when he left. Artie said he was there until Midnight but Gary said he was home by midnight so he wasn't there that late.
Howard said that Beth went out to the movies that night and he figured she was going out all dressed up and told her that he'd rather stay home with her. He said he asked her if they were going to play that ''Suck My Dick'' song there at the party.
Howard said he decided that he'd go home to be with Beth and it turns out she went to Nobu where they were. She went there with some friends but no one saw her there.
Gary said that he got back there at work at quarter to 11. Howard said he was in bed by 10:30. Gary said that there was some confusion at Nobu and they didn't know what to do. They thought they could convince Howard to go to the strip club but it didn't happen.
Howard said he asked Artie if he was going to the strip club and he said he's not allowed. He can't go because he'll drink there.
Artie asked if they could discuss Ronnie. Howard told him to go ahead. Artie said that Ronnie was so fuckin' annoying at the party and everyone was rolling their eyes at him when he was screaming and stuff. He said Ronnie was wearing this skull shirt and screaming at the party. He said that Ronnie got him into a head lock and told him to just drink something.
Ronnie came in sand said that he didn't try to get him to drink. Howard said that he saw him put a glass of booze under Artie's nose at one point. He also asked him why he took his shirt off. Ronnie said that he took his shirt off because Howard asked him to. He said that they wanted him to show off his tattoos.
Artie said that Ronnie had him in a head lock but Ronnie didn't remember that. Ronnie said that it was a joke when he was giving his speech. He said he was just goofing around.
Howard said Ronnie wants to be like Artie so that's why he was doing what he was doing. He said that Richie told him that 10 tables left when Ronnie got up and started yelling out the f-word. Howard said Ronnie was asking him why things had to change with him getting married. Ronnie said he was just kidding about all of that. Ronnie told Howard not to invite him to anything anymore. Howard said he wasn't the one who invited anyone to the party.
Howard said he thought that Jeff Schick was going to be there but he didn't get an invite. He said that Chris Rock showed up at Nobu at one point and said a quick hello.
Ronnie said that he was basically saying the same thing that Chris Rock was saying to him when he made his speech. Ronnie told Howard not to invite him to anything anymore. He said he was just having a good time at the party.
Howard asked Ronnie why he was trying to get Artie to drink. Ronnie denied doing that. Howard said that Ronnie broke this microphone they had on top of the cake they had there too. Artie said that no one had taken a picture of the cake yet and Ronnie ended up breaking it.
Ronnie said that he saw Beth at Nobu. He said that he and some of the guys were at the bar and she just came down and said a quick hello to them. Ronnie said she was in a mini-dress and he could see right up her dress from below because she was on the second floor. Artie said they have a glass floor there and you should be able to see right up there.
Artie said that the restaurant was really hopping there on a Thursday night. Howard said that they were in a private room and he was hoping to see some of the hot chicks there. Gary said it was probably best that they didn't open it up because they would have had a lot of people trying to get in there.
Ronnie claimed that he only had 3 drinks that night but Artie said there was no way it was only 3. Ronnie said that maybe it was 4.
Gary told Ronnie that his speech was inappropriate and way too loud to do at the restaurant. Artie did an impression of him doing the speech and Ronnie said he didn't say any of what Artie was saying. Fred said that wasn't even and exaggeration and it was like they were back at Nobu. Artie said he looked like the Prince of Wales after seeing Ronnie do that.
Ronnie said he never said ''let's fuck some whores'' that night but the guys told him that he actually did. Ronnie walked out after throwing down his headphones. He was all upset about the guys goofing on him apparently. Howard said that they had to take a break.
Howard said that the more he thinks about Sarah Palin, the more he hates her. He said he just can't have her a heart beat away from being President. He played some audio from the interview Palin did with Katie Couric and said she came off really bad. In one clip Palin talks about how she has experience in foreign policy relations because Alaska is so close to Russia. Couric asked her if she's ever been involved with dealing with anyone from Russia. Palin was saying that because they're so close to Russia then that means she has experience.
Howard said that Palin should have said that she's the governor from Alaska and she doesn't have any experience. He said that the governor isn't responsible for that kind of thing. She just kept trying to make it sound like she did when she just doesn't.
Howard said that if he had transcribed all of what Palin said, no one would have believed him. He said that he thinks the Palin thing is really going to fuck up McCain. He said that Joe Biden will probably just let Palin answer questions and let her bury herself.
Howard played some more of the Katie Couric interview with Palin where Palin was trying to answer some questions about the economy. Palin was trying to explain what she knew about this bail out and just said a bunch of nonsense that didn't answer the question.
After playing that Howard played the clip of the Miss Teen USA Pageant contestant, from South Carolina, who wasn't able to answer a question about education here in the U.S. Artie said that he always forgets how great that clip is.
Sheik came in and Howard told him that he was one of the greatest but he's heard that he's out of control. Howard said that Sheik was suspended from going on tour with the Killers of Comedy when he threatened to beat up Beetlejuice. Howard said that the Sheik is 100 percent real. He said that he saw tape of Sheik going off on Beetlejuice and it seems that he didn't know he was retarded. Sheik said he didn't know he was retarded.
Howard said that he saw the tape and he had to know that Beetlejuice was a pinhead and not normal. Sheik didn't know what a ''pinhead'' was so Howard had to explain it to him. Howard said it means he's kind of retarded.
Sheik said that Beetlejuice has a big mouth and he insulted Bob Levy so he was defending him. Howard said that Bob knows that he's retarded through so he didn't feel offended by whatever Beetlejuice said to him.
Howard said that they put Sheik in a room with Beetlejuice and he just talks all night. Sheik said that Beetlejuice shit on the floor and in the bed of the room they were staying in. Sheik said that was the first time they stuck in him a room with someone like that and it was an insult to him.
Sheik said that they had two beds in the room but Beetlejuice shit himself and it smelled very bad. He said that he didn't know he was retarded and he didn't want to be around the guy.
Sheik said that the promoter, Sequoia, was a cheap son of a bitch and put him in the room with him. He said it was his biggest nightmare ever. Sheik said that he hopes that no one ever has to stay in a room with Beetlejuice.
Howard said that Beetlejuice needs special handling and he can't believe they stuck him in the same room with him. Sheik said that he got tired of hearing Beetle's stories all night. He claimed to have fought Mohammed Ali and Joe Frazier and stuff like that.
Howard said that it seems like they kind of set Sheik up by sticking him in the room with Beetlejuice. He said that they usually have one of the comedians stay with him to keep an eye on him.
Howard said that Sal wrote him a note about going out with Sheik the other night and when the waitress didn't know who she was, Sheik went off on her calling her a cunt. Then they got kicked out of the restaurant and the owner looked like he was going to beat the shit out of them. Luckily Artie friend JC was there and stopped that from happening.
Howard told Sheik that he can't be calking people names like that if they don't recognize him. Sheik said that she was just fucking with him and she had to know who he was. Howard said that she might be a young woman and didn't know who she was. Sheik said that she knew and she was just fucking with him.
Sal said that the waitress didn't say a thing to him and he called her a cunt and a piece of shit. He said that a bouncer came out and the music stopped playing and they got kicked out.
Sheik said that he was ready to fight even though he's 67 years old. He said that his wife left him after 35 years of marriage too. Howard said he heard about that so he asked why that was. Sheik said that she loved him when he was a millionaire but now she doesn't. He said that Linda Hogan is just like his wife and she's another gold digger.
Sheik said that he's lost his money and his wife stopped loving him as the money went away. He was screaming the whole time so it was hard to understand what he was saying.
Howard asked Sheik how his wife told him that she was leaving. He claimed that she told him that she was leaving him because he was an old man and he didn't have any money. Sheik said that his wife had a very nice life all of those years and she spent all of his money. He said she's a no good gold digger just like Linda Hogan.
Howard asked Sheik if he wishes that he had taken some of his money and invested it. Sheik said that Howard is a very smart man and he thinks that they should have put that money away for retirement.
Sheik said his wife broke his heart and he never wants to see her again. He said that she left him because he's not a millionaire... and repeated the gold digger thing again.
Sheik said that his wife was 10 years younger than him. He said that she broke his heart and it sounded like he was about to start crying. He was going on and on about that and said that his wife wasn't a Muslim so Howard told him that might have been a mistake.
Sheik was telling Robin that he'd like to go out with her now that she and Jim Florentine have broken up. It didn't sound like Robin was interested though.
JC called in and shared some stories from that night. Howard also said that he heard that Sheik's wife left him because he's still drinking and doing drugs. Sheik said that he likes to smoke ''a little bit of the reefer'' but he's not doing the hard drugs anymore. He said that they'll all tell Howard that he's not doing that stuff anymore.
Howard had Sheik's manager Eric come in. He asked him if his wife left him because of the drugs. Eric said that he doesn't let Sheik do anything out on the road and there were many reasons for his wife leaving him. Sheik told Eric that he's a son of a bitch and he doesn't send him enough money. He said that he sends him $25 when he asks for money.
Eric said that he'll give Sheik $1000 and he gives half of it to his daughter and then the other half just vanishes. Then Sheik will call him asking fore more money and that's when he sends him like 25 bucks. Sheik was yelling at Eric saying that he's stealing from him and he's taking half of his money. Eric said that he should take 85 percent of it so maybe he'll have something left over.
Eric and Sheik argued for a few minutes and yelled at each other through the whole thing. Sheik was accusing Eric of being gay and Eric denied that. Howard said he didn't know what was going on.
Sheik was accusing Eric of being a ''dumb, gay, cheap, son of a bitch.'' He said that he had massaged a young boy but Eric said that he has never done that. Eric is a masseuse and he claims that he has never done that with a young boy.
Eric got in a plug for an upcoming roast they're doing for the Sheik. That's taking place at the Crown Plaza hotel, in Monroe, NJ, in 2 weeks. Sheik wanted a beer to relax but Gary said they're not allowed to give him beer.
Howard said that he thinks that Eric is trying to save Sheik some money and that's why he's putting him on this allowance. Howard said that he must be saving some of his money for him. Sheik said that he's taking 50 percent of his money but Eric was claiming that he's not keeping it for himself. Eric said he got 150 bucks from the Killers of Comedy thing and Sheik got $1000. He said that he and Sheik do split 50/50 on some other stuff they do. Eric is doing more than just managing him though.
Sheik said that he used to feel sorry for Eric about 22 years ago and he gave him a job. Now he takes 50 percent of his money. Howard said that it seems like he's more than a manager and he's almost like an assistant. Sheik said that he is more than a manager. Eric said that he has a lot of other clients but Sheik is his number 1 guy.
Eric said that he has 50/50 deals with other people too, not just Sheik. He said that he takes them around to the events that they do and he feeds them and stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was pretending to be a wrestler. He got Sheik all worked up after yelling at him about some stuff. Sheik went off on that guy yelling out his wrestling bullshit. Sheik gave him a few ''Fuck you!'' comments during that call. Eric got in a plug for his web site ESSPromostions.com right after that.
Howard asked Sheik why he's always threatening to fuck guys in the ass if he's so anti-gay. Sheik went on to threaten to sick his 10 inch cock into some other guys after that. Howard gave Sheik some more plugs and said that you can find out more at LegendsOfTheRing.com.
Sheik said that he wants to beat the shit out of Danny Bonaduce next time he wants to fight. He said he wasn't available to be at the fight between him and Bob Levy last time but he wants to be there next time.
Howard said that sheik was very nice to Bubba when he was on the show last time. Sheik said he was like that for Howard. Howard said that he's also heard that Sheik is very nice to Hulk Hogan off the air. Sheik said that's because Hulk is always telling him how much he loves him.
Howard took a call from another wrestling impersonator and let that guy get Sheik all worked up. Howard thanked the Sheik for coming in after that and gave him some more plugs for the upcoming roast and other appearances he's making. He said that he was sorry to hear about his marriage falling apart as well.
Howard said he had King Kong Bundy on the phone and let another phony wrestler get Sheik all worked up. Sheik was telling him to suck his 10 inch cock. They went back and forth for a minute before Howard wrapped up and went to break.
That led to some discussions about some other bands and Journey came up. Howard said that they have a guy who sings like Steve Perry and he was complaining that they wouldn't let him go home. Howard read an article about the guy and how he's only doing the job for his family. He apparently cries a lot thinking about the whole thing. He said it's actually a curse that he sounds like Steve Perry.
Artie said that he knows what the guy is complaining about. He said that he's been to just about every major city in the United States and he's only seen a lot of hotels.
Fred played some Journey and Howard talked about what a douche Steve Perry was when he met him. Fred agreed with him on that. Fred also said that he was such an asshole that the rest of the band refused to work with him. Howard said that in his movie they had a DJ who called him Big Bird. It was actually Steve Perry who called him Big Bird.
Howard said that Journey was huge in Detroit when he was there and it was a big deal to get Steve Perry on his show. Howard said that Brian Phelan went to see Journey recently and there were 30,000 people at the concert.
Howard went on to say that back in about 1980 he was working at WWWW and Steve Perry was going to be on his show. He asked his program director who the Big Bird looking guy was. Howard said he heard that and wanted to unload on Perry on the air. He said that he knew that he'd get his chance to do that some day.
Howard said that he got to introduce the band on stage at a show they were doing and Perry was making out with the hottest blonde he'd ever seen. Howard said that motherfucker was goofing on him and making out with the hottest chick ever. Howard played the ''Suck My Dick'' song and dedicated it to Steve Perry.
Howard said that they had some audio of this singer that's with the band Journey now. It was a report about the band coming back with that guy and the guy really does sound as good as Steve Perry. In the clip the singer has a heavy accent when he's talking but his singing is amazingly clear. The guy is from the Philippines.
Howard said that his mother told him this story and he couldn't believe they named him after the guy who did something like that. He said that his mother told him that she used to go to Hersht's house and even though she hated him, she named Howard after him. Howard said he told her that she should have named him after Norman Bates if she's going to name him after that guy.
Howard said he just heard that story recently and didn't know about it when he was growing up. He said that he's afraid to ask about his family history because it's so sad. He said that he asked about why he never met his grandmother on his father's side. He said his mom told him that she got hit by a car and died. He said he'd ask his dad about that and he's just say he felt bad and those things happen.
Howard said that his father is almost emotionless. Robin said that might be why Howard is the way he is. Howard said that she's some Dr. Laura over there.
Howard said he asked his dad how things were when he moved to the United States. He said that his mother would fill in for him and tell him more sad stories about what happened. She would tell him about Ben's siblings and how they all died and how Ben got Yellow Fever and was shedding his skin like a snake.
Howard said that there are no happy stories that come from his family. He told Robin some of those stories and mentioned that his grandfather shipped his mother off to live in the states.
Howard said that his daughter asked his mother about what her favorite toy was when she was a kid. His mother said she didn't have any toys but said she once cut a doll out of a piece of paper. He said that his mother really had a horrible life.
Howard said that no Stern was every happy. Artie figured that Howard was pretty happy but Howard laughed and said that he's in therapy 3 days a week. He's not happy but he's hoping that maybe his kids will be.
Artie said that there was some place in New York City, near the 5 Points, where people used to dump everything and it would end up killing people. Howard said that his father gave him a tour of where he grew up and it was a nightmare. He said that he was constantly moving around and trying to make things work.
Howard said that he'd rather go to the zoo and see animals locked up instead of going on a tour of the places his father lived. Howard did an impression of his father telling him the stories about how tough it was growing up.
Howard got in a plug for the ''I Wanna Be Howard Stern'' contest where you can win the shot at having your own show on Howard 101. you can find out more at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern.
Artie said that he read a few chapters himself and it was just too much for him to do. Artie said he had a deadline and figured he could do half of it and then let some friends read some of the other stuff. Artie said he wanted Jim Florentine, Nick DiPaolo and some other guys to read some of the chapters. He said that DiPaolo was on the road and he needed to find someone to do it. That's where Gary comes in. Even Bob Levy read two chapters. Gary said that Levy took over 4 hours to do 2 chapters. Gary said that the guy told him that Levy had to record parts of a word so they could edit them together. Artie said that his book might be the first one that has bloopers in it. Gary said that the book is great and he read a bunch of stuff that he had never heard before.
Howard said that his dad did tell him that he could have died at the hospital when he was there. That led to him thinking that he could die if he went into the hospital. Howard said that his father also told him that his skin was shedding like a snake. Ben said he was right about that stuff but not the yellow fever.
Ben said that he had a 105-106 fever and he just laid in bed with that. He had to clear his throat at one point so the guys got a laugh out of that sound.
Ben said that he also cried a lot when his mother died so the story that Howard was telling wasn't quite true there either. He said that was the most upsetting thing in his life. Howard said he was happy to hear that he actually cried over that.
Artie asked Ben where he spent the most time at when he was a kid. Ben told Artie where it was on Orchard St. near Delancy. Artie found that interesting. Ben said that he was born on 3rd St.
Howard asked his dad about the debates last week. Ben said that he's disgusted with what's going on out there right now. He said that he's not sure what to even watch anymore. Ben said that he's flabbergasted at what's going on in Washington DC right now.
Howard and Ben spent a minute talking about that stuff. Ben said that there is no one running this country right now because Bush isn't doing it. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking to Ben about McCain and Palin and what he thinks about them. Ben said that McCain isn't a bad man but picking Palin was a bad idea. He said that it could ruin his campaign.
Howard asked Ben about Obama and if he thinks that he cares about the country the way he wants him to. Ben said that no one knows what it's like to be President until they're actually President. Ben said that he's as ready as anyone else is. He asked Howard if Bush was ready. Howard said no to that. Ben said you really don't know until he's actually in office if he's going to be good.
Howard said that it sounds like his father wanted to vote for McCain but he can't because of Palin. Ben said that he can't imagine who decided to pick Palin. Ben had to excuse himself again and cleared his throat. He said he was just getting over a cold. Howard told him it was gross.
Ben said that the debates don't mean anything. Howard said he doesn't like that Palin chick either and that's not making McCain look good. Ben said that he thinks someone else made that decision, not McCain. Ben said that they have this agenda over there and it's all about abortion. He said that stuff doesn't have anything to do with the good of this country but they think it's the beginning and end of the country.
Ben said he had to get going because he was going to the gym. Artie said that's funny, Howard's dad goes to the gym and he doesn't.
Howard said that his father would sit Artie down and tell him he's fat and make him work out to lose that weight. He said that he'd tell him he has to get a grip on himself and stop being a baby. Artie said that might be what he needs. Howard said he might come in to help him out with that.
Artie said that he was at the horse track with Ben one day. Artie said he had a bet on a horse and as soon as the race started he got up and cheered. Ben just said ''it's a long race.'' like he didn't think that he should be cheering so early.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who said that he was pissing his pants hearing those stories about his family. Howard said he liked that his dad was upset that he got the yellow fever thing wrong.
Eric said that he'd love to see Howard do the voices with puppets or something. Howard said that he was going to do all of the voices on his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years.'' He said that they had plans to do that but he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it that way or not.
Artie got a laugh out of that and said that he had been biting his lip all morning. He wanted to pull tape from last week where Gary was saying they were going to be in the playoffs.
Gary said that they brought out every Met who was famous in the past. Artie said that some of them weren't even famous for being Mets.
Howard said that it was such a downer that they lost at their last game at the stadium. Artie said that it was fitting that they were in Flushing because they played like shit.
Howard said that Gary was telling him that Artie was apologizing to just about everyone in his book. Gary said that he really was apologizing to just about everyone he's ever worked with. Howard said that Artie apologized to some chick in the book too and it seems like he's trying to get laid. Artie said that it was very important to the book to write that. Gary said it popped up in the middle of a chapter though.
Artie said that he was over in Afghanistan at the time and he had just been under mortar fire and he asked this chick to call his mother and sister to let them know that he was okay.
Gary said that Artie explains that she's become a very dear friend to him and he also thanks her in the beginning of the book.
Howard said that Gary was telling him that Artie also refers to a guardian Angel in the book. Gary said that he does that but Artie said that it ''seems that way'' and he didn't say there actually is one. Artie said that he's spiritual and he was just saying it felt that way to him.
Howard asked Artie if he really thinks that when people die they go to a better place. Artie didn't say. Howard said that he's not really an atheist but he doesn't believe in all of that stuff. Gary said that Howard is an agnostic.
Howard said that he was reading about this Large Hadron Collider thing where they're going to try and recreate the big bang theory. He said that they're going to fuck around with it and they don't know what it's going to do. He said that they're almost implying that they might be able to make a transporter or something like that from Star Trek. He said that some people think that they might create a black hole by doing this and it'll suck in the whole universe.
Howard said that they don't know what's going to happen so they might just kiss their asses goodbye. Robin said that the thing has already broken down once. Howard said he doesn't think that he'd ever go to some kind of transporter thing anyway. He's afraid of even doing Lasik surgery.
Gary said that Artie's book is very funny and it's going to be great. Artie said that he was told that Gary's read was very professional even though he's never done anything like that before.
Howard said he had another clip where someone on The Today Show said the word shit and they don't get into any trouble over there with the FCC. They just joked around about the guy's ''Holy shit!'' comment. Howard said that he would have been fined over that if he had done it on his terrestrial radio show. Howard said he kind of likes that the FCC isn't paying any attention to that now though.
Howard said that Richard wasn't there today. He called in sick so he played his voice mail. Richard said he's been puking and stuff. He had forwarded some of the audio of him puking so Howard played those as well. Richard was really having some problems. Howard said that was so gross.
Ralph called in and said that they kept referring to that thing on the Today Show through the whole show. Howard said that they were told that they can't joke about that stuff on the old radio show. That's why they'd get into trouble.
Howard played the Mohegan Sun commercial again and said that they also had a commercial where they use a Toto song. He played that one as well. He said that Toto really must not care about giving up their song.
Howard said that there was a guy who used to do song parodies for the show who is on some other show called Z Rock. Howard said that the guy did a couple of Baba Booey song parodies for them. He played those and said that the guy is like a celebrity now. Howard said his name is Pauly Z.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever go on Regis and Kelly to promote the SIRIUS/XM merger. Howard said he would but he's not sure he's the kind of guy they're looking for on their show. Howard said that he would do it though. Artie said that he was asked if he would do the show to promote his book and he said he would do it.
Howard said that he's really not scheduled to do any appearances this year. He said that he knows that Scott Greenstein is going to ask him to do the show like he does every year.
Gary came in with another Mohegan Sun commercial where they did a parody of Super Freak. Howard said there's no reason not to do one of that song since Rick James isn't around to hear it. Artie figured that Rick James must have been rich from that song since it was a hit and then MC Hammer used it and made another hit out of it.
Howard said he heard that Jackie the Joke Man wasn't going to do the Gary Roast at the Friar's Club. Then he decided to do it and then backed out again on Friday night. Gary said he e-mailed Jackie if he did something wrong and Jackie claims he just didn't want to do it. Gary said that he promised Gary that it wasn't him but he still thinks that maybe it was something he did. Howard said he has to fill him in if he goes out to lunch with him. Howard figured that Jackie might be blaming him for something. He had to go to break after that.
Steve said that he thinks the Beatles are number 1 on his list of music acts. Steve said he's 52 and he remembers them appearing on the Ed Sullivan show for the first time when he was 8 years old. Steve also said that he liked Paul McCartney at first but then switched over to John Lennon.
Steve said that Eric the Midget's alleged demands to make an appearance in San Fran include tons of food, bean bag chairs, lava lamps and much more. He's making these demands like any major music artist would do.
Steve said that Jackie is going to the Middle East to perform for the soldiers and he will be opening for Bo Bice. Howard wondered if Jackie did that after Artie made his trip over there. Steve said the time line shows that he did. Howard wondered if Jackie is competing with Artie in some way.
Steve said that they had a show host on Out Q who gave a shout out to Howard for his support of the gays and lesbians. Steve also said that on October 6th the Howard Stern channels will be available to XM subscribers. He said that they'll have a few other channels from SIRIUS available to XM subscribers. Steve said that 3 years ago on this day they started airing Howard 100 and 101.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through the stuff they were going to try and cover today on the show. Howard asked Jon if he was upset he wasn't invited to his bachelor party. Jon said he wasn't upset. Artie asked if that means he doesn't like Howard. That's not what Jon meant of course.
Howard said that Jon is a great announcer because he heard him doing a commercial with Roseanne and he was very good. Howard asked if Jon was even on the phone with her. Jon said ''of course not.'' Artie laughed and said that commercial is great. Jon said that they gave him a script to read and they had things in it where it told him where to chuckle and stuff like that.
Howard said he had to mention the death of Paul Newman. Robin said she was going to read the news about that. The guys all gave the names of some of their favorite Paul Newman movies. Howard and Fred agreed it was ''Cool Hand Luke.'' They also talked about how cool it was he stayed with Joanne Woodward as long as he did.
Howard had a picture of Gary with Paul Newman and Joanne woodward. He went over to their house for some event and took a picture with him. Howard said he was going to hang that in the studio.
Artie said that Paul Newman was Norm MacDonald's hero and he played for his charity when he was on Celebrity Millionaire. He played for him in hopes that he'd get to meet the guy. Norm never did get to meet him.
Gary came in and asked the guys what their favorite Paul Newman movies were. He didn't know that they just did that. Gary said that he was over at the Newman's house for a charity event and he ended up asking Paul about flying with balloons on Letterman's show one time. He said that he didn't have a lot to say about it but he looked good back then.
Robin had some audio clips from a bunch of Paul Newman movies that she played. She had some audio of Newman talking in interviews and stuff like that as well.
Robin mentioned it was the start of Rosh Hashanah today. She asked Howard what that meant. Howard said something about it quickly and then sang a song for them and then changed the lyrics to include the Mohegan Sun.
Howard explained what Rosh Hashanah was and remembered the days when they would be fasting and how bad his parent's breath would be from not eating anything. Howard said that he had to fast as well and remembered the headaches he would get from that. Howard talked about some of the awful things that he remembered about Yom Kippur and all of that stuff.
Robin read a story about a new drug out there called Salvia and how they call it spit. Artie said that when he hears of new drugs like that he wants to try it. Howard said he heard that Bubba and his guys do the stuff live on the air. He said that's funny.
Robin said that Heather Locklear was arrested. Howard said he hung out with Heather one time and she wasn't making a lot of sense. He said that he thinks that's just the way she is. He said that when she was on the show she was completely coherent but once he went out to dinner she didn't make much sense. Robin said that they charged her with driving under the influence.
Howard wondered if Heather still looks hot. Robin said her mug shot made her look like she was. He said that it was kind of hot. They had to take a break around 10:10am.
After the break Howard gave a plug to Chuck Zito and Greg Fitzimmons who have shows on Howard 101 tonight. Artie also wanted to say something there. He played an edited together audio clip that Richard had put together where Artie talked about fucking Howard and stuff like that. Howard played a second clip where Artie talked about fucking some baseball players and Robin.
Robin read some news about Heath Ledger's money going to his daughter even though it was originally left to his parents. The insurance company that had a life policy on Heath isn't paying out his insurance because they think that his death could have been a suicide.
Artie said that he thinks Heath could have been embarrassed by that gay movie he did. Howard said he'd be worried about Artie then too because his audio book sounds like it has a lot of gay stuff in it. He played some more of the edited audio for Artie.
Artie said that Gary keeps doing something funny out there in his office. He said that every time someone brings up the Mets loss, Gary changes the subject. Gary said that's not true and he was just ignoring people when they'd bring up the Mets. Artie laughed his ass off when he heard that.
Robin read the news about the Mets loss at Shea Stadium and that made Artie laugh some more. Artie said it was great that they planned a celebration after the game at the stadium. Robin had some audio of the fans talking about what a disgrace it was to the team that they lost that game.
A caller asked what Gary thinks of the Mets now since he was talking about how great they were a couple of weeks ago. Gary told the guy that they had already covered that. Artie didn't think they covered it enough. Artie told Gary that he should raise his kids as Yankees fans. Gary told him to go fuck himself.
Gary came in and said that Jackson was throwing stuff around because he was so frustrated with the team losing. Artie told him he's raising his kids to be losers if they remain Mets fans. Artie said that if his kids were Yankee fans they'd already have 4 championships under their belt in their lifetimes already.
Gary said that he doesn't think the Yankees are going to go on to do anything that great again so there's no reason to switch.
Robin got back to her news and read some stories about the bail out that's supposed to help our economy. Howard asked Artie if he would convert Gary's kids to Yankee fans if Gary died and left him his kids. Artie said ''absolutely.''
Ralph called in and asked Howard if he gets why Gary isn't switching his kids to be Yankee fans. He said that they're all upset about them losing and that's just going to keep happening. Gary said that Ralph wouldn't know anything about being loyal to a sports team. Howard said that when you grow up on Long Island, Shea Stadium is closer than Yankee Stadium and that's why they become fans.
Howard said that he never went to Yankee stadium because Shea was closer. Artie said that your kids have a choice and you'd choose for your kids not to be gay because it would be easier for them. He said that's why they need to be Yankee fans.
Howard cut the guys off and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read some stuff about John McCain and Barack Obama's debate last week. She said that Barack went up in the polls after the debate. That led to Howard talking about how no one knows how Obama would be if he was elected. He said he could turn out to be another Jimmy Carter or another Kennedy. You don't know until they're elected.
Robin read some news about Sarah Palin being parodied on Saturday Night Live. She played some audio from the show where Tina Fey was playing her. Howard said that she does a great impression. They played another clip of Tina doing her impression and she was giving a direct quote and it was incoherent. He said that's frightening.
Howard wondered if Scott DePace is for Palin. Gary said he's way into her. Scott came in a few seconds later and said that Palin is right on a couple of issues and pointed those out to Howard. Howard asked Scott if he'd be comfortable with her being President. Scott said he'd be fine with that and there are plenty of people who could be President. Howard asked Scott if he thinks that Bush was at fault for the whole economy falling apart. Scott said that's not Bush's fault. He blamed Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for that.
Howard asked Scott some other questions about the mess that the economy is in. Scott said that it wasn't Bush's fault that we have the largest deficit in the country's history. Scott said that it started under the Clinton administration. They went back and forth on that for a few minutes before Howard booted Scott out of there.
Robin read a story about Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds getting married over the weekend. Howard said that she's only 23 years old and that's such a bad idea. Fred said that he can almost guarantee that he's going to cheat on her.
Robin read a story about Shia LaBeouf having the number 1 movie at the box office over the weekend. Artie said he saw the Indiana Jones movie over the weekend and thought it was kind of bad. He said that it started off good but got kind of goofy toward the end. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show a short time later aroudn 10:45am.
Artie asked Gary if he thinks that the Jets are going to go to the AFC championship game. Gary said he's not sure about that. The two of them went back and forth on that like they did during the regular show.
Artie said that Gary might as well get on the side of Iraq in the war too because eventually they're going to lose. Artie said that the Mets have sucked for a long time now. He said that in 1979 they sucked and that was before he did drugs.
Gary said that he should have seen all of the people at the game that the marched out. He rattled off a bunch of names of people who played for the team. Gary said they were dragging out guys who had basically done nothing for the team.
Artie said that the Mets were okay back in 2000 when they lost to the Yankees in the World Series. Gary said that if the Mets were Baltimore, they'd be hailed. He said that they've made it to the playoffs for the past couple of years. Artie said that if Gary's kids were Orioles fans, they'd be bigger winners.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Mets are a great team. He said that they have a great history. He said that when ''we'' win a series he's going to appreciate it much more than Artie ever would with the Yankees winning. Artie said that the Mets haven't won in this guy's entire life and he may never see a win. The guy said that's fine but he would appreciate it more than Artie would. Artie said that when the Red Sox won they killed a woman. Gary said that was an accident.
Artie said that he thinks that if he were working for DYFS he would have Gary's kids taken away from him for being Mets fans. Gary and Artie continued to go back and forth on this stuff for a few minutes. Artie was refusing to listen to anything Gary was trying to say that made any sense.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was sitting behind Gary at the game. He said it was great to see Gary there with his kids. Gary said that this guy was really upset when the game was over because he's a real fan. Artie asked Tim if he saw the kids asking for autographs from the guys with no names.
Artie was distracted by some hot chick outside the studio but Gary told him that they're not allowed to talk about her. Artie said he didn't get that memo and he didn't know he couldn't talk about the pussy walking around there.
Jon took some more calls and one guy went off on Gary for making fun of the Pirates during that conversation. Gary wasn't trying to goof on the team, he was trying to make a point. Gary said that no matter how bad your team does, you never give up them. The caller was also talking about how fat Gary's face is looking these days.
Ronnie came in and said that he was just trying to have fun, it was a bachelor party. Artie asked him why he wasn't working that night. Ronnie told him not to invite him to anything then. He told Artie that he's an angry man. Artie said he's not angry, he's very happy.
Ronnie said that he's just the big asshole at the party and everyone can make fun of him. Gary said that Artie's impression of Ronnie this morning was pretty dead on to what he was actually doing at the party. Ronnie said that he'll just sit there with his hands crossed from now on. Ronnie said that Howard told him that he had a great time there that night.
Ronnie said that he would have been glad if Howard had gone to Rick's Cabaret that night. He said that he didn't promise nothin' to anyone though. Artie thought that maybe he had told them over there that Howard was going to come.
Gary said he thought they were going to end up at the strip club but they never did make it. He said that he was okay with that though. Gary said he told Ronnie to let Ross know that he had left because he knew that he was going to tell him that he was a pussy for not sticking around.
The guys asked Artie about how he missed Howard's party. Artie said he really thought that it was at 9 and that's what he was told. Artie said he knows that he was late but that's because he heard a different time. He said that Howard was loaded but he's a happy drunk. He said that he had a tall glass of straight vodka and he was sipping on that.
Ralph called in and asked Artie why he wanted to leave for the party at 8:45 if they had to be there for 9. Artie figured that they could be there pretty quick leaving his place. He said they could have gone through the tunnel pretty quick.
Ronnie said that they could have had the third floor all closed off for them if they had gone to Rick's. He said there was tons of funny money to use there too. Ronnie said that no one wanted to go though so they didn't end up over there.
Ross came in and said that Vinnie wanted to go to the strip club and he felt the worst for him since he didn't get to go. Ross said that he was at the bar talking to some girls there and as he was talking to them Beth, his wife and someone named Jane were upstairs saying hi to him. Ross said he caught shit from his wife because he was talking to the girls at the bar.
Ross said that he had a good time there at Nobu but he didn't tell Artie that it was at 7. Ross said that the girls should have known that they shouldn't go to a guy's bachelor party.
The guys asked Ross what they thought about Ronnie's speech. Ross said it was a little bit inappropriate. Ross said that you give a guy a little ribbing but Ronnie went too far and was kind of mean about it. Ronnie said that he was laughing when he did it. Ralph said that it was a horrible toast. Ronnie said he was just goofing around and having fun.
The guys goofed on Ronnie for taking his shirt off too. Ronnie said that he took his shirt off because Howard asked him to.
A caller asked if anyone kept an eye on Ralph to make sure he didn't steal any of the tips. The guys said that they handed it all to Ross directly so there were no worries. The guys said that Fred tried testing Ralph by giving him some money to see if he would give it back. Ralph did.
Artie said that Ralph gave him the Norm MacDonald gay test that he talked about last week. He said that Ralph put his hand on his leg for a couple of minutes so he just played along with it.
Ronnie was pissed about the way Artie was treating him and he thinks that he hates him for some reason. He said he really doesn't care though.
The guys ended up talking sports again for a short time. Then Jon took a call from a guy who went off on Ronnie a little bit. That led to Artie saying that Ronnie is actually a good guy. Gary and Artie both though the was a good guy but Ronnie said he didn't need to hear that.
Artie said he had to get going. He said he was going to spend the next 4 hours trying to fuck that chick outside of the studio. He said she was on the Martha Stewart show. They went to break after that.
Benjy said that he thinks that Ronnie hasn't invited Ronnie to some stuff and that's why he thinks that he dislikes him. He said that he doesn't believe Artie is really like that though.
Jon brought up the Iron Sheik and said that he was screaming out in the hall before he even got into the studio. Gary said he thinks that today was one of his best appearances ever. He said that he liked hearing about his ex-wife and stuff like that. He also liked hearing Sheik talking about yelling at the woman who didn't know who he was.
Jon played a quick clip of Howard talking to Sheik and Sheik yelling about his ex-wife. Jon and Gary talked about that clip and some of the wacky stuff that Sheik revealed today like the fact that he didn't know that Beetlejuice was retarded.
Benjy said he thinks that Sheik is just doing a character and it's all calculated. Gary said he doesn't believe that at all. He said he thinks that he may have started out as a character but it's become part of his life.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Mets thing again. They spent a few seconds on that and then took another call. The caller asked Gary about his kid's names (Lucas and Jackson) and if he had named them after Paul Newman's character ''Lucas Jackson'' from ''Cool Hand Luke.'' Gary said he wasn't aware of that and he'll have to check out the movie again.
Will came in and said that he busts Jared Fox's balls more than he does Gary's. Scott DePace came in and said that the Mets are very arrogant and he hates them. He said he wanted to call Gary and just laugh at him over the loss but he figured his kids were already upset enough. Gary said that his kids were really upset about the loss.
Scott was saying that he tests a kid's name out by giving it the announcer test and cups his hands and says the name that he's thinking about. He said that's how he picked the name Kyle for his son. He demonstrated how he would say ''Kyle DePace'' as an announcer at a sporting event.
Jon took a call from a guy who thanked Scott for defending McCain and Palin today. He said he would rather take his orders from a war vet rather than Obama. Gary said that not every prisoner of war is going to be a nice person and that caller was basing his pick on one thing.
DePace said that Gary liked McCain before this election. Gary said he still likes McCain but he has done some stuff that's making him not like him. He said that it's like he's selling his soul to the devil to make sure he gets elected.
Sour Shoes called in as Christopher Cross and sang a little bit for them. Jon quickly moved on and took some more calls.
Ralph called in again and said that he doesn't understand why Gary can't appreciate other teams and the way they play instead of just picking one team. Scott DePace said that baseball isn't like that and you get to know one team.
Gary said that he supports other teams in football. Jon Hein said that he can't support some teams because they're rivals for other teams that he supports. Ralph said he just doesn't get that. Will said that he watched almost every Mets game this year and he felt that they didn't deserve to get into the playoffs playing the way they were.
Gary said that Ralph just likes to bust balls and that's what this is all about. Ralph said he hates baseball and thinks that it's the worst sport ever. He said that they're all foreigners and he can't imagine anyone being fans of the game.
Ralph wanted to take Gary on in a football pool and he thinks that he could beat him. Gary asked how many games they'd play on. Ralph said he'd do it every week for the rest of the season. Gary said he doesn't have time to do that.
Gary asked Ralph why he likes football. Ralph said he likes the way certain teams play. He didn't know as much as Gary, Will and Jon did.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he grew up in Detroit and was let down by the Lions all of these years. He said he moved to Florida to get away from all of the Lions fans out there. Now he's happy to be a Dolphin's fan. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started off the show saying he was sorry he was late but Tim Sabean needed to talk to him about some important decisions that needed to be made. Howard quickly moved on to a clip that Kidd Chris sent him of some guy quitting on the air at a classic rock station. The guy quit before he could get fired. Howard said he hopes the guy is alright because when you do that it's hard to get another job.
Robin said something and Howard noticed that she sounded sick. Robin said that she does have something. Howard ended up goofing on her about that because she has claimed that she doesn't get sick on that diet she's on. Robin said she never said that and only said she hasn't gotten the flu on this diet. Howard threatened to pull the audio clip of her claiming she only gets ''healthy colds.''
Robin said that she is full of toxins and she thinks that running a lot lately isn't helping things. She said that she ran Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Howard asked her if she had any colonics lately. Robin said she just had one yesterday.
Howard told Robin that the enema came too late and she must have had the cold already. Robin joked that she was stressed about Howard's wedding. Fred did his Jim Florentine impression and said that Robin misses his goo and its healing toxins. Howard said that maybe it was his toxins that got to her. Robin said that maybe that was the last little bit coming out.
Howard said he thought that Jim Florentine was coming in soon. Gary said he wasn't on the schedule. Howard said he knows what it was, it was an old schedule that came up on his computer. Artie said that he and Jim are on a show together on HBO this weekend doing stand-up.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about Jim coming in. She said she would take the day off. Then she said that she really doesn't care if he comes in. Howard asked if she's going to ban him from the show or not. Robin said that no one is banned from the show. She said that there are other people that it's harder to stay on the show for than Jim.
Howard tried to find out who Robin had a problem with but she wasn't talking. Fred, as Jim, said that Robin muttered Beetlejuice under her breath one night when they were out.
Howard told Robin to tell him off the air if she doesn't want Jim on the show. Robin said she's not going to ban anyone from the show. Howard said he would if she wanted him to but he has nothing against Jim at all. Robin just laughed as Fred continued to do his impression of Jim talking about dating Robin.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to take back her comment about Jim being a deep thinker. Robin said she's not taking that back.
Howard said that Robin is sick and that proves that all of that toxin bullshit means nothing. He said he thinks she's going to have this illness for 2 weeks. Robin said that it started yesterday so they can mark that date in their calendar. Howard said that Robin is getting overconfident and she needs to get those toxins out of her more often.
Robin said that her colds in the past used to take her voice away. That hasn't happened lately. Howard figured that Robin had eaten some meat or something.
Howard said that he figures that Jennifer Aniston has a bigger landing strip than she should too. He said he's just guessing at that though. He said he saw her in a bathing suit on the beach somewhere and she looked sexy to him for the first time.
The caller said that his wife thinks that Jennifer Aniston has a ''busted ravioli'' and that's why she can't hold on to a man. Howard said that she's all about that hair of hers and she must take extra care of herself to look so good.
Howard said that Aniston must have a bit of a bush down there but he thinks it's trimmed. Artie said that he imagines that she has a small amount of hair but not as much as Howard thinks.
The caller said that he could listen to Howard talk about his parents for hours like he did yesterday. Artie said that he actually went down to the area that Howard's father grew up in trying to figure out where he lived. He said he loves doing that.
In the clip the guy finishes a song and says that he was told he was going to be let go after his show on Friday so he went on the air and said he was going to give management the big middle finger. He thanked the fans for making his job wonderful there in Jacksonville for the past 4 years. The guy thanked some people there who have helped him out and then went off on management about the way they were treating him. The guy said that management could kiss his ass and said that he can't wait until management gets fired and then said he was gone. Then there was dead air for a while before someone put some music on.
Howard said he liked how the guy waited until the end of a song to quit. He said that was good for the listeners who may have been into the song he was playing.
Artie thinks that Howard, in an indirect way, gave the guy balls to do that because guys never did anything crazy like that in the past. Artie said the guy didn't sound like a radio dick either, he sounded pretty normal.
Howard said that in the past it was much different doing radio than it is now. He said that he found it interesting that the guy thanked a guy by the name of Don Davis. He said that they worked for a guy by the name of Don Davis and there must be a bunch of them.
Howard said that he has a couple of suits that he has to choose from for the wedding. He said they're both Tom Ford suits. He said that they're very cool suits. He said he keeps teasing Beth that he's going to look so good that no one is going to pay attention to her. He said she has a Georgina Chapman outfit and he doesn't even know what that means. Robin said she doesn't even know what that is.
Howard said that the chick who designed Beth's dress is married to Harvey Weinstein. He said he doesn't know much about fashion but mentioned some of the stuff that he's heard about. He said he's going to look beautiful himself though.
Artie said that he has suit problems and he may have to get it fixed before the wedding. Howard told him he has a guy that can do it quick. He said that he might not need it done that quick since the wedding isn't for a while.
Howard told Artie to do his impression of Ronnie at his bachelor party but Ronnie threatened to walk out if he did it. Artie went right into it and did the impression of Ronnie telling Howard he shouldn't be getting married. Ronnie left.
Howard said that Ronnie was talking about how he just wanted to have fun at the party and that's why he was doing what he did. Howard asked Fred if Artie was off on that impression. Fred said that he wasn't off at all.
Ronnie said that his speech was horrible and he seemed to be trying to apologize or at least just get Howard off his ass.
Ronnie said that the guys on Howard's web site wrote that he ''ruined'' Howard's bachelor party. He said he didn't ruin it. Howard didn't think he ruined it either.
Howard said that Ronnie was standing there with him at the elevator when Ross asked him about the dinner the other day. He said that he doesn't think that Ronnie was on the list until that day. Ronnie said that maybe he should stay home instead of going to the wedding ''in a few weeks.'' Howard told him to try and limit the amount of alcohol at the wedding.
Ronnie said he doesn't even want to talk to Artie at the wedding. Howard said that he would like the guys on the web site to change the title of the story about Ronnie to ''Obnoxious Guest Gives Horrible Speech At Bachelor Party'' instead of what it says now.
Howard had some examples of Ronnie being an obnoxious guest at his birthday party and at Bubba's wedding. Ronnie didn't want him playing that stuff and blamed Artie for making all of this come up. He said it wouldn't have come up if it wasn't for him.
Howard said that they need to do a ''Ronnie's Charm School'' special for Howard TV. Ronnie said they don't have a budget anymore over there so they won't have any more specials.
Howard played the clips of Ronnie's ''Let's fuck some whores!'' audio clip from his birthday party. Then he played the audio of Ronnie at Bubba's wedding where he's cursing while there are kids there. Fred was wondering where that went on and sounded like he was in pain hearing it. Howard said that Ronnie thinks he's funny but he's not.
Ronnie had run out of the room and didn't listen to the clips. Fred said that it proves that Ronnie is guilty of what they're accusing him of.
Howard played some clips from the Wrap Up Show where Gary brought up Ronnie's speech at the bachelor party. Ronnie was claiming that he wasn't trying to be a comedian. Howard cut it off and the guys said that Ronnie was just claiming that he was trying to be funny in that speech. Howard said that he was having fun at that party until Ronnie made that speech. Howard said that Ronnie chased out about 10 tables at Nobu. That kind of stuff only happens at Applebees. Fred said that it doesn't even happen there, it only happens at cock fights.
Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie and Artie going at it on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie told Artie not to invite him to anymore parties anymore. Artie said that he didn't invite him to that one.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie complaining that he was being singled out in all of this. Ronnie said that he was going to sit there with his hands folded from now on. Howard played another one where Jon was asking Ronnie about putting some pressure on Howard to get him to go out to the strip club. Howard said he felt it was more Ross than Ronnie who was pushing him to go. Howard was picking apart Ronnie's grammar and wondered how he got out of high school. Artie said he didn't think he actually made it out of high school.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie was saying that he thought Artie had it in for him and he thinks that he always throws him under the bus. Artie joked that he hates Ronnie but then told him that he likes him and has no reason to hate him. Artie said that he and Ronnie had made up until this happened.
Gary said that they had updated Howard's site with the new headline already. Howard quickly read through that story on his site.
Artie said that the worst thing he ever saw was when they threw cake at the one strip club they went to. The Howard TV guys had video of that so they showed it to the guys in the studio.
Howard moved on to Wolfe who said that he had transcribed some of JD's conversations. This one was from when Howard talked to JD about his high school reunion. He read the transcript of JD's response to a question about going to school and JD basically said nothing. Howard got a laugh out of what he had just heard.
Wolfe read another quote from JD where he said a few I don't know, I'm not sure and some other comments like that. Wolfe said that it's amazing that JD throws so many sentences within his comments.
Wolfe said that he watches this stuff on Howard TV and pauses it to get the transcripts. Wolfe wondered if they could do a dance competition in the studio between JD and Jared. Howard said that JD would like to be good looking like Jared is and that's the problem between the two of them.
Gary said that he was in a sales meeting yesterday for the show 24 and they want Jared and JD to be handcuffed together for 24 hours.
JD came in and said that he doesn't want to be handcuffed to Jared for 24 hours. He said he has no desire to do that and he's not Jeff the Drunk. Howard said that JD could make some money off of this deal. JD said he heard the pitch or whatever and he knows how much it is. Gary said that it was $100 per hour and they can win up to $2,400 if they stay handcuffed together the whole 24 hours. JD said he's not doing it.
Howard said that Jared should go on a date during that 24 hours. Artie said that would be great. He said that Jared could be fucking two chicks while JD is just sitting there. Howard told JD that he has to overcome his fears because he's completely freaked out by this guy. JD said he's not freaked out by him. JD said that he would be the most uncomfortable than he's been in his whole life.
Howard told JD it would be just one day. JD said he doesn't care and he's not going to do it. Howard told JD that G. Gordon Liddy, when he was a boy, was terrified of rats. He said that Liddy approached a rat, killed it, grilled it and ate it to get over his fear. Robin said they're not suggesting that JD do that to Jared. Howard told JD he has to confront his fears and just do this thing.
Howard told JD that it should be for a week so he's letting JD off the hook with only 24 hours. JD said he doesn't need money that way and he'll ''Fuckin... whatever...'' JD said he doesn't want to be handcuffed to anyone, not even Jon Hein.
JD said that it would last maybe 5 hours if he did it at all. Howard told him to just start the competition and see how it goes. He told JD that he can try to get through the whole thing but maybe he'll only last an hour. That's $100 that he's going to get right there. Howard told him that maybe he'll last the full 24. JD said he can't do that but he will try something.
Robin said that if she were handcuffed to Jared she wouldn't want to be uncuffed. Artie said they could handcuff Robin to both Jared and Gregg from Howard TV.
Artie told JD that if he gets the shits and has to shit all day long then he wins. He said that Jared would have to put up with that. Howard asked JD where he would stay if they were cuffed and had to go home. JD said he didn't want to go to Jared's place. JD said that he doesn't want to do it.
JD said that he and Jared used to be friends. He was about to say what happened that led to his dislike for Jared but then said he wanted to be done talking about it forever. He said he didn't want to say what it was. Howard asked JD if Jared raped him or something. JD said it was nothing like that. Artie figured that Jared got a girl that JD liked. JD said that wasn't it.
JD said that Jared became a little full of himself and that's what led to this. JD kept saying ''I don't know... whatever...'' when Howard would ask him questions. JD would start explaining what happened but then he'd pause and say he didn't want to get into it.
JD said that they were out bullshitting in the hallway one day and... ''I don't know..'' Then he said that Jared seemed like he was acting like he was more important than him and ... ''I don't know...'' Howard laughed and said he was imagining Wolfe's transcript of this conversation.
Howard asked JD who the worst person in the world to be handcuffed to would be. JD said that it wasn't Jared and it would probably be some homeless guy.
Gary suggested that they give a bonus to Jared if he can get JD to quit. JD didn't like that suggestion. Howard said they could give him a bonus if he doesn't quit then.
Howard asked Wolfe to read that first transcript he read. Wolfe did that and JD said that this is not going to be good for him. Artie told him to handcuff himself to something and practice for this.
Howard said he thinks that JD is going to last 20 minutes. He said they can start it on the air and they'll have to work out how they're going to do their jobs. Howard said that they can do the 24 hours and they'll both get bonuses if they can make it through the whole thing.
Wolfe asked if they're going to tape this whole thing for 24 hours like that Big Brother show. Howard said they're going to run out of cameras because they're going to have so many on these two. Howard said that he might even have Wolfe be part of that and he can be the court stenographer for the whole thing.
Wolfe asked if he could come in and observe one of their weekly staff meetings. Howard actually gave him a shot and said that he thinks that Wolfe has something there. He said that's how Sal and Richard got their shots there.
Richard said that he was still sick and went anyway. He said that's why he flew down to Florida and he didn't want to miss it. He said that it would have been another year before he'd get to go see. Howard told Richard that he's acting like a little kid.
Richard asked him what he'd do if he got sick before his wedding. Howard said that a wedding is a different thing. He said that he'd have to go to that. Richard said that he thinks that he got himself sick for that weekend so he was trying to punish himself by going to the park.
Artie said that he didn't know what to say to Richard. Howard said it sounded idiotic to him. Robin said that Richard was out spreading his germs if he was there sick. Richard said he was outdoors and he tried not to touch anything.
Richard said that when he dies he'd like to go to one of these Halloween horror night things. Howard asked him how old he is. Richard said he's 34. Gary said that he thinks that he might be on Ralph's side that Richard might be mentally deficient.
Gary said that Richard won't go to Will or Jason's weddings but he'll go to this Halloween thing while he's sick. Howard isn't going to Jason's wedding either. Richard said that he doesn't know why Jason is mad at him and not mad at Howard. Howard said he's probably mad at him too.
Richard said that he doesn't find Jason so close to him anymore because Jason kind of threw him under the bus last year. He said that Jason was the one who told Artie about him complaining about him. Jason said that he did hear him complaining about him. Richard said he didn't have any examples of what he said though.
Jason said that he'd rather hear this excuse than Richard saying that he was going to a Coheed and Cambria concert. Jason said that he gets why Howard doesn't want to go to the wedding. He said that it's different than what Richard is saying.
Richard said that this whole thing was part of his decision and he really wants to go to that concert too. Jason said that he never mentioned that he had a problem with him.
Howard said that Jason is getting bigger than ever and he's about to get married. Jason said that he's just stopped caring. He said that the only thing that he cares about is his health. Artie thought that he was going to lose the weight before his wedding but that hasn't happened. Jason said he does have to get into shape but not before the wedding. He said that will happen after the wedding.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to Jason's wedding. Artie said that he won't miss Howard's wedding but his shrink thinks that he shouldn't go to any weddings. Artie said he thinks he has a better grasp on sobriety now and he'll be fine.
Howard said it has to be tough for Artie because he saw that he wasn't drinking at his bachelor party. He said he was proud of him and he's being a man about it and not drinking. Howard said that's the toughest struggle in the world for someone.
Artie said it's not that hard to go to a party with Howard and people he works with and have a good time. He said that it would be tougher if he was asked to go to a party that he didn't want to be at and not drink. Howard said that if Artie got into some exercise and a hobby he could keep his mind off of all of this stuff. He said that he just needs to get into something positive.
Artie said that he was on a couple of health kicks in his life and he could do pretty good on that stuff. He said he was 31 the last time he did anything like that but it was 10 years ago. He said he hopes that he can get into it again and stay thin. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard was doing his announcer voice as if he were still at WWWW in Detroit. Artie said he loved the way Howard said ''WCCC'' in Private Parts. Howard said that they were a cool station but they didn't have cool call letters.
Fred and Howard talked about their days in Hartford and what that was like. They were the number 2 rock station and they were on the dial right near the other rock station. Fred said he thinks the other station was number 1 because they came before them on the dial.
Howard said that he met Fred at WCCC and the way they met in the movie was pretty much the way it went. The Bob Seger song ended so Howard came out of the song the way he would have at WWWW. He said that job is the worst. He goofed on some of the old DJs that he worked with back then.
Howard mentioned the Doc of Rock at one point so he ended up talking about that guy for a short time. He said that The Doc of Rock's goal was to be on in Cleveland and he used to go there to listen to the stations there to get an idea of what he should do there. Howard said that guy really loved radio and he's a program director now.
Howard said that they were a really shitty station there in Detroit. He said that he wasn't able to get the ratings up and no one was listening. That's why they went to the country format. Howard said that they had this guy on another station who called himself Dick the Bruiser. He remembers listening to the guy and it was the worst voice that he was doing. He said that the guy also did a Popeye impression so he asked Fred if he could do that when he moved to Hartford.
Howard said that he didn't have much of a chance to make his show work there since he was all by himself. He was still trying to build his show. Howard said that he once let a motorcycle gang come into the studio and they did coke on the air off the console. He said he almost got fired for that. He said he didn't even know what coke was at the time.
Howard said he taped the Dick the Bruiser show one time and he was on with some guy by the name of Jimmy Johnson. He said he heard them doing this bit where they said the price of a gumball had gone up from 1 cent to 2 cents. He did an impression of what that bit sounded like. Howard said that it was bullshit and so lame. He said that they were number one there though. Howard said that his own station was so lame that people would only last there for 2 weeks and they'd be gone.
Howard said that they had a guy who was addicted to cough syrup. He said that the guy would turn out all the lights and drink his cough syrup. He said that the stuff can get you high in some way. Artie said that it's an opiate and of course it can get you high. Howard said that the guy was a scary motherfucker too. He said his name was Biker Bill or something like that. He said he didn't even remember what his name was.
Howard said that Detroit was a very competitive town. He said that if they had a band come into down, the other stations would threaten to never play their songs again if they were sponsored by the other station. Howard said that New Yorkers just don't like rock stations for some reason.
Howard said that he figured he had to get really dirty and just start hating the other DJs in the business. He said that he sat down for 3 weeks before he went on the air in Washington and figured out how he was going to scorch the earth with the other DJs. He said that he had people really hating him after he got off the air down there.
Howard said that he still feels bad about what he did to Soupy Sales and he wants to call him and apologize. He said that he was just worked up from that Dick the Bruiser thing at the time. He said that he couldn't believe that he was getting his ass kicked by the cartoon characters on Dick the Bruiser's show. He said that he's just an angry bastard because he moved to Detroit and then had to move to Washington DC.
Howard said that these cocksuckers on the air say that there's room for all of us on the air. Howard said that's bullshit and that's not the right attitude to have. Howard said Bubba never said that. That led to Howard talking about how Bubba thought that he was aware of him and the fight they were in but Howard said he really had no idea what was going on.
Artie said that Stuttering John claimed that he and Howard heard Bubba going off on him one time. Howard said that John didn't hear that, he heard it alone when he was out at his house on Long Island. Howard said he heard the show out there because he could pick up stations in Connecticut. He said he remembered hearing the promo for the new show starting and they went off on him for being a pussy and also went off on Dee Snider because they were replacing him. Howard said that he thought it was kind of funny at the time.
Howard ended up playing ''We're Not Gonna Take It'' after they talked about that article. Howard said that really was a great song. Fred threw in some Iron Sheik audio clips during the song. Richard came in and mentioned some of the names of the guys in the band since Howard wasn't able to remember them all. Howard joked around about that Onion article and said that Dee is writing a new song about how they are going to take it.
Richard said that version of that song is not the original version. He said that they actually recorded a new version a few years ago and that's the version they were playing.
Howard asked where they can hear the original version. Fred played the original and Howard thought it sounded the same. Fred said they didn't rearrange the song or anything, it was just a newer sound. Richard said that album was the first cassette he ever bought.
Howard said that he didn't invite Dee to his wedding so he was feeling kind of weird about that. He said that he and Dee kind of had this thing going on for a few years and he just didn't invite him so now he's feeling bad about it. Artie said that you have to judge something like that based on how well Beth knows the people. Howard said that she doesn't really know them at all.
Howard said he'll take them to dinner instead. He said he loves Dee. He said it probably would have been good if he had invited him to the wedding. Artie said that he's dealing with a tragedy right now. They found the alleged killer of Dee's brother-in-law. Howard said that he should ask Dee why he never RSVP'd to his wedding. He said that he could say he was feeling kind of weird that he fucked him over and didn't respond. He could blame Baba Booey for not getting the invite out too.
Howard said he thought Lisa was taking off today for Rosh Hashana. Lisa said that her family wasn't in town so she didn't take off. She said she'd rather not go to temple by herself.
The caller got on the line and said that he had his phone in his pocket. He then asked Lisa to describe her lingerie. She said that it's not all that sexy because she's not dating anyone. The caller just wanted her to describe it. Howard didn't know what he wanted her to describe. Lisa said she would have to buy new stuff if she was dating someone. She said she has pajamas that she wears when she's alone.
Lisa said that she used to have a stash of stuff that she would dress up in. She doesn't have it now for some reason. Lisa said that she had all different kinds of stuff. Howard said that this caller, Mel, wasn't getting what he wanted.
Lisa said that she had some black mesh stuff in the past. She said that she would wear that with the see through mesh. She said that she was also naked under a mink coat one time. She said that was a long time ago. Lisa said that she can be fun sometimes.
Howard asked Lisa if she has ever role played. She said she didn't think she ever had. Mel asked Lisa if she has any rubbers, lube or porn in her house. She said that right now she doesn't have anything like that. She has rented porn in the past. She said that she doesn't buy the stuff though. Lisa said that she has watched porn with a guy. That led to Fred playing some porn clips with vibrator sounds thrown in. Lisa said that the sounds of the screaming were her not being invited to Howard's wedding.
Lisa asked Howard if he's going to have wedding night sex. She figured he would. Howard said he hopes so.
Mel asked Lisa if she wears spiked heals. Lisa said that she can't because of her feet. She said she has such flat feet that she can't wear them. Lisa asked Howard if he has seen Beth's shoes yet. Howard said he hasn't. Lisa said that they're Christian Lou Vatan shoes.
Lisa asked Howard if he's going to be wearing underwear to the wedding. Howard said that guys have to wear underwear because it's gross for them not to. He said he's not sure if Beth is going to be wearing underwear.
Artie said that Lisa was telling him that he looked disheveled this morning. He wondered when he doesn't look that way though. Lisa said that he looked like he had just rolled out of bed and into work.
Lisa said that they spoke to JD's drama teacher and she told them that he was a very good actor in school. Howard said ''bullshit'' to that.
Howard said he went out and got the Maxwell Smart (Get Smart) script that JD did in school. He said that he wouldn't do it there on the show but he's going to do the whole thing with JD. Gary said that he had it ready earlier but then he spent a half hour with JD and figured he wouldn't want to do it. Howard said he'd take a break and do it after the break.
Lisa said that JD's teacher said that JD was better than anyone else who has ever played that part before. JD came in and said that she must have gone off the deep end.
Fred had his sound effects all ready to he started them off. Howard and JD then went into the play and did their thing. Howard cut off the play after a minute and said that it was a horrible play and JD was awful.
Howard said that there's no way that JD was good in his school play. JD said ''Whatever'' and said he thought it was okay. Artie told JD to show some emotion.
Fred moved them along to the end of the play where JD and Robin had to flirt with each other. JD tried again and seemed to be putting a little more effort into it. Howard cut him off and told him he was horrible and told him to get out of there. He said that maybe he was better in high school and his skills are off since then.
Artie said that Jared was great in that part. Howard said he loves JD but it's hard to act in there with this crew.
Howard asked Eric if he was ready to be the Real Doll or not. Eric said that he's not and he's pissed that they asked him to call in today and then left on hold. Howard said that he never told him what time to call in.
Howard told Eric not to sell any pictures of Artie if they're not going to let him do the Real Doll. Eric said he might sell them. Howard told him that he's going to make the doll and not cut him in. Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel told him to just take a hot water bottle, put an A's hat on it and call it Eric and it would be the same thing. Eric said ''Screw Jimmy Kimmel!''
Howard told Eric that he's going to make his doll no matter what he says. Eric said that he's going to sell the pictures of Artie too then. Gary came in and said that they're going to make the doll and let everyone fuck it, including chicks with a strap-on.
Artie said that the doll is going to have an A's hat on the whole time. Eric said that the Yankees didn't do very well this year either.
Gary said that he's going to take a picture of Artie with the Real Doll and Artie can sell those pictures like Eric is selling his pictures.
Howard said that he tried to do business with Eric but he can't work it out. Eric said he doesn't want to make money for something so retarded. Eric said that they can't make money off of him without his consent. Howard said that they can do what they want with the doll because it's not him. He said that Eric isn't even Eric the Midget because he doesn't like to be called Eric the Midget. Eric said he's going to copyright that name then. Gary said that they've already copyrighted it because they do that with all of the characters on the air.
Howard said that Eric sent him this nice picture where he thanks him and he's all pissed off at him now. Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they give the doll a really bad dye job. The caller was this guy who has a strange speech impediment where he winds up and blurts out his words.
Howard told Eric he would give him another day to think about this again. Fred suggested they give him 24 hours and have him call in tomorrow. Howard said he'd do that and let Eric go. They went to break after that.
He read through more of the article and said that he had played some of the audio. Howard said he's looking forward to the debate on Thursday night. Howard said she's going to fuck that up real good. He said that they've got her locked up at the McCain ranch rehearsing her for this debate.
Howard played the audio of this guy freeing Palin from the Witchcraft stuff. He played the clip yesterday but didn't describe what it was.
After playing the clip Howard said that now no witchcraft can harm her now. He said he guesses they don't have to worry about the country being attacked by witches if she makes it as Vice President.
Mike came in and said that he was sorry about what happened last week. He said that it took him forever to get up there.
Howard asked Mike if he was a slow student or anything like that. Mike said he wasn't and he wasn't on the short bus or anything. He said that he did get goofed on a lot in school but he's really not retarded. Mike said that he barely made it out of high school and he didn't think like everyone else did.
Mike said that he's horrible at math but he can write well. He said that he'd like to take an IQ test to see how he does and he thinks that he's of normal intelligence.
Mike was in the Marines but he didn't make it out of basic training. Mike said that he made it through the first phase but then they decided to get rid of him and they let him go in a mutual agreement.
Howard asked Mike if he has to explain to women that he's not retarded. Mike said that he's actually hung out with some really hot chicks. He hasn't gotten laid in years but he does get to hang out with some hot chicks. Artie said that Mike has opened up for him at a bunch of shows and he thinks that he must be getting laid. Mike said that he hasn't gotten laid in 3 years. He hasn't even been able to kiss a girl in that time. Mike said that he got close.
Mike said that he likes younger women, like in their 20s and early 30s. Howard said that Mike isn't a bad looking guy and he's seen worse. He said that he could lose a few pounds but he seems like a nice guy. Mike said that he still lives at home with his mom and she's sick so he has to be there to take care of her. Mike said he's very protective of her.
Mike is 47 so Howard told him that it's not very attractive to live at home with his mother. Mike said that sooner or later he'll get a life and his own place.
Howard asked Mike if he did the chick he had 3 years ago in his room at his mom's house. Mike said that the chick was one he paid for and he didn't do her at home. He said that she was kind of cute too.
Howard said that Mike looks like he could be in a show like Seinfeld or something where he plays a friend of Jerry's. Mike said he played a homeless guy in ''Monk'' one time and that was fun. He said that he does get some work. Artie said that Rodney Dangerfield didn't catch a break early in his life so maybe Mike is like that.
Howard said that the last time Mike had sex that wasn't paid for was in his 20s. Mike said that it was more like a friend with benefits type of thing. He said that the chick was the sister of a friend of his. He said that he just wanted to get his rocks off back then. He said that he'd like to find someone good now though.
Mike said that years ago the whores would wash your balls in a thing before they did you. Mike said that he blew a load just having his balls washed back then.
Artie said that someone walked in on Mike getting it on with some chick one time. Mike said that a friend bought him some whores and he ended up getting naked even though the chick was only being paid to give him head. He said that his buddy was done in a few seconds while he was sitting there naked.
Mike said that he pleasures himself all the time but he makes sure his mom isn't home when he does it. He said he can do it 2 or 3 times a day. He said he loves doing it. Mike said that he likes Latin women a lot so he beats off to them.
Mike said that he was raised to respect women and he finds that a lot of guys treat women like shit and still get laid. Howard told him to get rid of the glasses and maybe grow a beard to hide the double chin. He said the beard might hide that. Mike said that he had a goatee and people liked it.
Mike also has sleep apnea so he talked about that. He said he has to sleep with a mask on because he stops breathing without it. Howard tried talking Robin into going out on a date with him. Robin said that she was attracted to Jim Florentine because of his looks, not because he was a comedian. Howard asked her if she wanted to go out with Mike but Robin said she's seeing someone right now.
Howard told Mike that he looks kind of like Vincent Gardena. Mike thanked him for that. Howard asked Artie if he has seen Mike's sleep apnea machine. Artie said that he has seen it and it is kind of big. Mike said that he has to go through baggage checks with that stuff and they don't always know what it is.
Howard asked Mike why he hates Jay Leno. Mike said that he wanted to get on The Tonight Show and he's been waiting 4 years to get on there. He said that they wanted him to come on during the writer's strike and there was no way he was going to cross a picket line. He said that the people at Letterman have been talking to him though and they're being very cool to him.
Artie said that they kept giving Mike the run around over at The Tonight Show. Mike said that they've been dicking him around a lot over there. He said that he likes Stuttering John a lot but the rest of the people there have been dicking him around.
Mike calls Sal about 10 times a day so Mike told Howard he does that because he likes to break balls. Howard said he must be bored in that basement at his mother's house. Mike said that he makes sure there's plenty of light down there. He said he lived in the attic at one time over there.
Mike said that he loves video games and computers. He said he plays Balloon Blast and loves it. Howard asked Mike about his impressions of Joe Pesci and Dice Clay. He asked him to do some of those impressions. Mike did his Pesci impression and it was an okay impression.
Howard gave Mike some plugs for some upcoming shows. Mike thought that he was working with Artie on Friday but Artie didn't know about what he was talking about. Mike said that he was sorry about that and he didn't know what was going on there. Artie said that he does have some upcoming gigs with him.
A caller said that he used to work with Mike and the other comics used to be really shitty to him. Mike said that he didn't fit in with those other guys but he doesn't care. Mike said that there were some headliners in the day that would treat him like shit. He didn't name names though.
Howard said you can find out more about Mike at his Myspace page. Howard told him to keep going with his career and wished him good luck. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Jon Hein was never an announcer but he's great there now. He said that Jon sounds as good as anybody there. He said he was in the car and heard him doing the commercial for a guy who never really did that for a living.
Howard played the clip of Jon doing the commercial with Roseanne and said that the two of them recorded the commercial separately. Howard said it sounded good to him. Robin said she didn't know that Roseanne wasn't there. Howard played another commercial that was the same clip of Roseanne but another guy reading Jon's lines. Howard thought Jon held up very well with the whole thing.
Howard said that he had another clip of Cavino and Rich doing the same commercial. Howard said that Cavino got the job there after he worked at K-Rock driving their van. They asked Gary if they had anyone there who could fit their job there at SIRIUS and they suggested him for the job and he got it.
Howard played the Cavino and Rich commercial and they were doing the same read with Roseanne. Howard said he had the script and wanted to get JD to do it. He played some other examples of other DJs doing the commercial as well.
Howard said he might have JD cut that same commercial. He said he'd love to have him do that. Gary said that he'd do that today and they'll have it for tomorrow.
Howard played a Meet the Mets song parody about Gary that Sal made. He also had a new prank call from Sal and Richard. They called a pizzeria and weren't able to decide what food to order. Sal was first up in the call and wasn't able to make a decision on what to order. Sal kept giving him a ''Hmmmm'' so the guy hung up on him. Then Richard called back and tried to place the order.
Howard said that's the one pet peeve in his life. He said that he hates people who can't figure out what to order. He said that it's not that big of a deal to make a decision. He said that you're going to eat in another 4 hours anyway so just get it out of the way.
Howard said that Hate Man made some more calls to them. In one call the guy sings a song to Robin. Howard played that and it's kind of a rap about her. Howard asked Robin what she thought of that. Robin said he was like a Walt Whitman and it was more of a poem than a rap.
Howard played another Hate Man voice mail where he pointed out how Chris Rock was all over him last week. Howard said that it sounded like Ronnie's speech at his bachelor party. Hate Man went off on Howard about his huge nose which he was calling a honker. He kept going until the voice mail time limit ran out. Artie said he thinks the guy has OCD because he repeats words a bunch of times like Dr. Remulak used to do.
Howard said he had a prank call to a pizzeria where the guys used audio clips of Artie to yell at the guy. He had played that one before.
Bobo asked about Howard 100 News and what they were allowed to cover at the wedding. Howard said that they're not covering it at all.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was watching the Howard TV coverage of the Gary and Artie USO tour. He said that there was a great scene when they landed and Gary was on an Ambien and he had the camera right in front of his face and he's talking about what he was going to do. Howard said that it is a great show and they have some great programming there.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked what he would feel if one of his daughters was a lesbian. Howard said he wouldn't mind it but he would be concerned that people wouldn't accept her for being a lesbian. Howard said that he was hanging out with his daughter Debra and she's dating a nice guy. He said that she seems happy with the guy but he's not sure if she's going to marry him or anything. He said that he wouldn't care if she was with a girl because he treats them like they're her friends.
Howard said that he would get depressed if his daughters were just dabbling in lesbianism. He said that he doesn't want them doing tricks for their men. He said he wants them to be wholesome and pure and not do that kind of stuff.
Howard said that Debra was up there yesterday and she's moving out to the San Francisco area for a while. He said he was kind of depressed about that because he loves this kid so much. He said he hopes that she doesn't settle out there because that would fuck his head up. Howard said she asked him when he was going to visit her out there and he has no desire to fly out to California.
Howard said he doesn't mind his daughter moving out there but he'd miss her too much if she stayed. Artie said that's a great city. Howard said he wants his daughter near him and not across the country.
Howard said that Steve Brandano was hanging out with his daughter. He hopes he wasn't trying to put the moves on her. Steve said he was doing that but respectfully. Steve said that she was very cute. Howard said he heard that Steve was pissed that she had a boyfriend. Steve said that he was kind of bummed about that.
Howard said that his daughter is only 22. Steve is 26. Howard said he had a feeling Steve was trying to make something happen there. Steve said she's very intelligent and she's very cute.
Howard said that he heard Steve was bummed he didn't get invited to his wedding. Steve said that he knows that they're not that close so they're all good. Howard said that he likes David Heydt and wanted to invite him too. Steve said that he's annoying and he's not that big of a fan of his. Howard said he's the head of a department there so he deserves some respect.
Howard said he heard that Steve doesn't like Jared either. Steve said that he gets along with him okay and he can explain what JD doesn't like about him. He said that Jared will come in and say that he went to the doctor and his doctor told him that the doctor liked his abs. Steve said the guy will also ask him what he's doing back there in the office and he doesn't even work for him.
Gary said that he thinks that Jared would like to be an executive and he kind of acts like that when he's in the office. Howard said he thinks that Jared is just doing what Tim wants him to do. Steve said that he's just trying to kiss Tim's ass and annoys them back there.
Artie said that he thinks that Jared is just trying to be funny about the abs thing. JD came in and thanked Steve for backing him up in this and bringing some of that stuff up. Howard asked JD why he can't articulate that kind of stuff like Steve just did. JD said he didn't know. Howard asked him to repeat what Steve just said but JD wasn't even able to do that.
Howard said he was told to check out Steve's diabetes pump. He had it surgically implanted. Steve showed it to them and said that it gives him his insulin and there's a monitor that tells him what his blood sugar level is.
Howard said that he can't believe how much diabetes there is around there. Howard said that the reason there is so many is because they're not letting them die off like they used to years ago.
Gary said that both Jon and Steve have diabetes and they're the worst eaters. He said that Steve eats a pizza for breakfast. Howard said he's not sure people like Steve should be having kids. Gary said of course they should. Howard said he was just kidding.
Gary said that Sal came to him during the wedding discussion and asked if he was still not invited to the wedding. Howard said that he just can't have that weird stuff going down at his wedding like Sal was thinking. He said that it's like Sal is rooting against them and he can't have that there. Howard said that Beth doesn't even listen to the show but she just happened to tune in one day when Sal was going off on her about being a gold digger and stuff like that.
Howard said he doesn't want Sal there even though he likes the guy. He said he feels bad about it but Sal keeps shooting himself in the foot and he's run out of feet. They had to go to break a short time later.
Steve said that they have a story about that DJ that quit his job down in Jacksonville. He's reportedly being replaced by The Greaseman who hasn't been working for the past decade or so. Howard said that he doesn't really know that guy but he did make a bone head statement when he got kicked off radio back then. Howard said that some people confused him with the Greaseman.
Steve had a story about Jack Thompson being disbarred. He also talked about a show Jackie is doing with the Naked News. Howard said he didn't know he was doing that well. He mentioned that he's on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Eric was saying that the picture he's selling isn't really Artie's picture because his room mate took it. Fred asked where the picture was taken. It was at Artie's comedy show. Howard asked Eric if he had a location release so he could sell that picture. Eric said he didn't.
Howard told Eric that him fucking a piece of rubber and calling it Eric is so totally allowed. He said he knows the law. Howard told Eric to make a Howard doll and fuck that. Howard told him he'd be find with that. Artie said he's pretty sure that they could kill a guy on JFSC and no one would see it. Eric said ''Shut up fat ass.''
Gary said that they have video of them building the Eric the Midget Real Doll. Howard played the clip and it was actually Sal and Richard building the doll with a turkey body, lobster claws for hands and blotch paint for his face among other things. Howard said he wished he had pre-screened that. Howard said that was about as bad as it gets. Artie said that it was a pretty shitty bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Eric if he would fuck a Steve Langford doll. Eric said that he's not a fag and he won't do that. The caller said that he could fuck that and the bed and it would be his first threesome. Eric told that guy to shut up and called him a loser.
Artie said that they're going to fuck that doll and then went into the bit that Sal and Richard had made. He goofed on how bad the bit was with all of the sound effects.
Howard asked Steve if he had anything else. Steve quickly wrapped up with his news and got in some plugs for Jackie and Riley's radio shows that air tonight.
Ralph called in and asked if they were going to articulate the hands because he wants to fuck that thing. Eric said that Ralph will fuck anything that's male. Ralph said that he wants the tongue to be really nice too. Howard didn't think there was a tongue. Artie said that he may shit on it. That got a lot of laughs from the guys.
Robin told Eric he's in for a lot of fun. Fred said it would be great if they could get one of the Oakland A's to fuck it.
Eric said he was hoping that Steve would mention something about the Erotic Exotic Ball. Artie cut him off and just said ''Bye Eric!''
Eric said that the people in his room were saying that if they fuck the doll that they name after him then it's slander. Howard said that he didn't want to argue the legalities right now. Artie said that they don't need to take legal advice from Eric's ''room.'' Eric said that he was going to sue for $1.5 million. They told Eric they'd counter sue him for $1.6 million then.
Ralph said that he wanted to know why Eric called in. Robin said that he wanted Steve to talk about that ball he was talking about.
Jon Hein came in and quickly gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down that list of stuff quickly and then Howard had Robin get into her news.
Robin read a story about a sex offender who ended up getting killed when the father of the 17 year old he was going to attack found him in the house and held him down in a choke hold. Howard said ''Good'' when he heard that. Howard said that the guy who killed that guy will probably be investigated even though he was trying to protect his daughter.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about his father. He said that he thinks the guy is going senile because of his thoughts on Obama. Howard said he thinks his father is very clear on his thoughts on Obama. The caller also wondered why Howard won't come to Obama's side. Howard said that he already said that he'll probably vote for him even though he thinks that he's a wind bag. Howard said he doesn't get why this guy is bothering him. The caller said he thinks that Obama is the right guy for the job. He said that he's very positive and he seems to say and do the right thing every time.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Travis Barker and DJ AM getting out of the hospital after their plane crash.
Howard said that he thinks that they should put Obama and McCain on Survivor and whoever comes out on top in that would be President. Robin said that Obama would probably win that since he's so much younger. Howard said that McCain is a tough old rat though.
Robin read some news about Merv Griffin's company and how they're trying to get a loan back from Ed McMahon that he took out in 2005. Howard said that they should leave the guy alone because Merv would never have done that to Ed. He said that's really sad.
Robin read a story about a stampede in India where a bunch of people died during their rush to a temple. Howard said he's glad he grew up in this country and not over there were they stampede to a temple.
Robin read a story about Lance Bass who is on Dancing with the Stars dancing with a woman. She played some audio from the show that she had Howard play. The guys ended up talking about Warren Sapp for a couple of minutes since he's on that show.
Robin said that a man in New York is suing a GPS company because it put him on a collision course with a commuter train. The guy was able to get out of the car before the train hit his car.
Robin brought up the Large Hadron Collider story they brought up yesterday. She said that people are trying to stop the experiments from happening and one man in Hawaii filed a suit to try and stop it. It was thrown out of court. Howard had to go to break after that, around 10:25am.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy who was attacked by a shark down in Florida. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he thinks anyone is going to take pictures at his wedding and sneak them out. Howard said that he's not going to have any cameras at the wedding.
The caller also asked Howard if he saw Smallville this week. Howard said that he did and it was okay. He said that True Blood is really good and he's really liking that.
Robin read a story about a woman who may have been saved by a mugger because they did a CT scan on her and found ovarian cancer when she went to the hospital.
Robin read a story about Dennis Quaid having problems with his ex-wife. Robin said that Bruce Springsteen is going to be doing the Super Bowl Half Time show for the next Super Bowl. Robin said that's one step closer to American Idol. Artie refuses to believe that Bruce would ever do that show.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears planning a new tour. She also said that one of Britney's ex's is coming out and saying that he has a sex tape that he's going to sell. Howard said that he's seen some stills from the video and she had quite a gunt going at the time. He said that he'll be waiting on line to get that video if it does come out.
Robin read a story about Robert Plant saying that Led Zeppelin will not be going out on tour. Howard interrupted her at one point and asked if she's really dating someone. Robin said that she is dating, but not regularly, and she went out on a date last week. Howard asked if it was that guy that was on the show. Robin said she's not talking about anything. Howard wanted to know if it was that guy but Robin would change the subject every time he brought it up. He figured that was a yes.
Howard asked Robin if the kid or Jim Florentine was better in bed. Robin just laughed. She wasn't giving them any details.
Ralph called in and said that Robin was texting with that kid. Robin said he was lying. Ralph said that's not true and she was texting him. Gary said that women are just like men and after she broke up with Jim she went right out and got a young man.
Howard asked Robin if she was texting the kid from the show. She said that she texted him back after he texted her. She said that he's a very sweet person. Howard asked her if he's the hottest guy she's ever texted. Robin said that she had to think about that. Howard said he was going to let her off the hook today but there's always tomorrow.
Howard said that he was putting this together now and said that the night she came in overly dressed she must have been out all night. Robin said that wasn't true and she had gotten dressed up that morning. Howard said that he loves to see women taking that ''walk of shame'' the night after they got fucked. Howard asked Robin if she got a new ring from that guy. She said she didn't and told him to stop being ridiculous.
Howard asked Robin if she has ever come to the show after a date. She said that she has but not recently. Howard figured she was lying.
Robin got back to her news and talked about Sarah Palin's stay at the McCain ranch in preparation for the debate this week. They spent a short time on that.
Robin read some news about the Stock Market's nose dive yesterday. Howard said he hates the stock market. Artie just let out a pained laugh when he heard how much it had dropped. Robin had some news about the bail out plan that the country needs and had some audio clips of people talking about that whole mess.
Robin read a story about a Jacksonville Jaguars player getting shot 14 times while sitting in a car outside of an apartment complex. He lost a leg and he's paralyzed from the waist down.
Robin read some more news about the Presidential debate and how it had about 52 million people watching. Howard said that's not all that many and he thinks that it's because it was on a Friday night.
Robin had some audio of Robert Redford talking about Paul Newman's death. She had some other people talking about Newman after that clip. They wrapped up the news and ended the show a short time later around 11:00am.
Gary said that Howard is really breaking Ronnie's balls but that's probably because Ronnie will never admit that he was wrong for doing what he did at the party.
Benjy asked if they really think he was wrong for what he said. Gary said that it was a dinner and not a real bachelor party and it wasn't the right place to do the speech. Gary said that when you go to a dinner like that, it's not the same as having a bachelor party at a strip club.
Gary asked Benjy how many bachelor parties he's been to. Benjy said it's been a few and that's the whole theme of a bachelor party, to roast the bachelor. Gary said that it was more of a nice dinner and there wasn't that bachelor party vibe that you'd usually have.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about how Ronnie wasn't invited to the party until Ross asked him if he was on the list in front of Ronnie. Gary said that Howard was just fucking with Ronnie there and he's prodding him there. Jason said that was really mean of Howard to say. Benjy and Jason thought Howard was being honest there and he wasn't just jerking him around. Gary said that he knows that Ross had Ronnie on the list before he asked Howard.
Jon asked Jason about Richard not going to his wedding and what he was saying this morning about it. He said that Richard was saying that he wasn't going partly because of what Jason said about him on the Wrap Up Show last year.
Jason said that he thinks that Richard is just dumb and he doesn't give a shit about other people. He said that's his prerogative. Richard said that if Jason cared about other people he wouldn't throw them under the bus. Jason said that everyone does that there. Richard said there's a way to do it that's not so sneaky.
Richard said that it hurts him inside about what Jason said about him. He said that when he found out that Jason's wedding was at the same time as the concerts he wants to go to, he put that whole thing into the equation. Richard said he doesn't think that he's that close to Jason now like he was in the past.
Jason said that the bottom line is that weddings are a big deal and you invite a limited number of people and you only invite the people you want to spend your life with. Richard said that there are things in his life that are very important too and the Coheed and Cambria concerts are very important to him.
Jason said that Richard says that all of these Halloween things that he's going to are the best. Richard said that he likes that stuff. He also said that he has friends who tell him that he's doing the right thing going to the concert instead of the wedding.
Jason said that Richard doesn't think that he's a good enough friend to be there for him but that's fine. Jon said he thought Richard was tighter with Jason than that and he really thought he was going to be there.
Richard said that he didn't even go to his own sister's wedding. He said that it was a very small wedding and he wasn't invited. Gary said that was very odd even if it wasn't a huge wedding.
Gary was saying that he would go to Jason's wedding over a Bruce Springsteen concert even if it was a really rare concert. Richard said that this concert is as important to him as a wedding is. He said that he would probably miss Howard's wedding if his wedding fell on the date of these concerts. He said that he's sure Howard wouldn't mind if he didn't show up to his wedding. Richard said that he's a very small part of Howard's life and he's sure that he wouldn't mind if he didn't come.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was going to defend Richard but he makes it very hard. He said that he hasn't spoken to an old friend of his who did something to him that made him stop talking to him for the past 10 years. He gets that part of the whole thing. He wondered if he would still go if Jason didn't do that thing to him that he's throwing into the equation.
Gary asked Richard if he would have gone if Jason hadn't thrown him under the bus. Richard said he's not sure and he can't say either way because that's not the way things worked out.
Jason said that he thought he and Richard were much closer than that and he thinks that he just wants to go to that stupid Coheed and Cambria concert. He asked Richard if they're doing the same concert here in New York. Richard said they are doing it the week before and he's even going to those concerts before he goes out to California to see the other concerts.
Richard said that he's willing to take Jason and his wife out to dinner the week before the wedding if he wants to go. Jason said that's not the same thing as going to the wedding. The two of them went back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Ronnie said that maybe Richard doesn't like Jason and that's why he's not going. He said that he heard Richard being interviewed in the hall earlier and it sounds like Richard doesn't like Jason. He said that Richard taking them out to dinner is kind of lame too. Richard said he's trying to make up for it. Jason said he's going to silently harbor this resentment for a year and bring it out later on, just like Richard did.
Jason told Richard that he's just an odd person. Richard said he's not sure what to say to him. He's not trying to hurt his feelings and he's not doing this maliciously. Ronnie said Richard doesn't feel that bad about it. He said that Richard was saying that he's really not friends with Jason.
Richard said that he and Jason are friends. He said they've got a lot in common and they've had a lot of good times. Richard said that a wedding is just a big party. He said he knows it's important to Jason but it's hard to explain.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason was being a bitch and he should stop crying about this. He told Richard to do what he wants and not worry about kissing Jason's ass. He said that shit is gay anyway. The guy went off on Gary for minimizing Richard's feelings about all of that stuff too.
Benjy asked Gary why he thinks it's okay for Howard not to go to Jason's wedding and not okay for Richard not to go. Gary said that Howard doesn't go to a lot of people's weddings and there is a double standard there.
Jason said that he doesn't think that Howard is as close to him as Richard is. He said that it's different for Howard to go to an event like that than it is for Richard to go.
Gary said he thinks Jason verbalized that perfectly. He said that Howard would be taking some attention away from the bride and groom. Jason said that he gets that and he's fine with it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she had to defend Jason. She said that she thinks that Richard is wrong about the whole thing and it's kind of bullshit. She said that she had a wedding in Vegas and told everyone a year and a half before the wedding. She said her sister told her a year and a half before that she wasn't going to make it out there and she knew it was bullshit.
Jason said that her sister is an entirely different deal. The woman said that her sister felt that her brother-in-law might not feel welcome at the wedding so that's why she didn't come.
Richard said that he wants to see Coheed and Cambria twice and he can't be faulted for that. Richard said that the wedding is just a big party to him. Gary cut him off and said that's not what it is to Jason though. Richard said that Jason is trying to say that he could go to one of these concerts at any time too and that's not the case.
Gary said he learned a lot about Richard today. He said that he's like a little kid and that can be good in some ways but in others it's kind of disturbing. Richard wants what he wants when he wants it and there's no talking to him about it. Jason said that Richard has no respect for anyone around him because he pissed in his pants at a concert because he didn't want to miss a song. Richard said that he didn't piss on anyone, he just pissed his pants.
Gary told Richard that he got off easy this morning about his calling in sick yesterday. Gary said that if he had done that 10 years ago, Howard would have kicked his ass. He said that if Howard heard he was running around on the weekend while he was sick, and then called in sick on Monday, he would have never heard the end of it 10-15 years ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe they care so much about Richard not going to the wedding. He said that Richard would probably shit his pants and embarrass himself there. Jason said that he's right and he really doesn't care that much now that he knows that Richard doesn't think they're friends. Jason said he was bummed out about it until this morning.
Richard said that this show has ruined weddings for him because he's afraid to drink now. The guys told him that was bullshit. Richard said that he's so nervous that he won't drink at Howard's wedding. Gary told him to just have a couple and not get so fucked up that he embarrasses himself. Richard said that he's not sure when he's ever done that. They had to go to break after that.
Jason said that he's really losing a lot of friends there and he has to stop talking to people there. Benjy asked him if he invited Scott DePace. Jason said that he didn't invite Scott because he's really not friends with him.
Richard and Jason picked up on their conversation where they left off earlier. Jason was asking Richard why he's still upset about what happened a year ago. Gary said that Richard opened up a new can of worms today by bringing that up. Richard said that he still enjoys hanging out with Jason.
Ronnie was pissed off at Jon for keeping him in there and not talking about what he was supposed to talk about. He said that he knows that he wasn't supposed to be invited to Howard's bachelor party because Ross told him he wasn't. He said that he spoke to Ross about it and he knows that it was after Howard said something that Ross invited him.
Gary said he's not sure how it all went down. Ronnie said he spoke to Howard on Friday morning, after the party, and he told him he was glad he was there. Then he gets on the air and talks about what an asshole he is. Gary said that Howard saves that kind of stuff for the air.
Jon asked Ronnie how he thinks Howard really feels about him. Ronnie said that he thinks Howard is really upset about it because he spoke to his shrink about it. He said that if Howard really thought he was an asshole on Thursday night, he should have said something to him on Friday.
Gary said that Howard never tells you how he really thinks on the phone. Ronnie said they had a great conversation that day and then he heard all of this shit yesterday and then again today. Ronnie said that it really hurts to hear that stuff.
Gary said that maybe Howard was telling his shrink that he may have overreacted and that's how it came up. Ronnie said that's not how he presented it on the show today.
Gary said that this is all very real to Ronnie and he really appears hurt. Ronnie said that he has no problem fighting it out with Artie but when Howard says this stuff it really bothers him. He said that he didn't know that he really bothered Howard at the party but now he knows that he did.
Ronnie said that he didn't know if Howard really wanted him to be there or not but he has the feeling he didn't. He said he's done with that stuff now and now he knows how he feels about him since he has to go to his shrink with this stuff.
Richard said that he has a blast when he's hanging around Ronnie when he's being a jerk. He said that he's a lot of fun to be with. Jason agreed that he can be a lot of fun. Ronnie said that they were in a back room there at Nobu and he's not sure he was even yelling out the F-word. He said that he also doubts that anyone stopped their conversations to hear him yelling out the F-word.
Gary asked Ronnie who he is mad at, Howard, Ross or the shrink. Ronnie said that it's not like that. He said that and he's not mad at any one person.
A caller said that no one cares about Ronnie and he's going in circles with this stuff. He wanted to talk about JD and Jared in handcuffs. JD said that he doesn't know if he's going to do that yet. They had to end the show around that time.
Howard started off the show saying that he wanted to congratulate Bill O'Reilly for his syndicated radio show. He said that he always thought he was a right wing guy like Rush Limbaugh who sticks to the party line no matter what. He said that Bill told him privately that he wasn't a right winger and he has right wing positions but doesn't stick with that line. He said that Bill said something about the current economic crisis that was right on.
Howard played the clip of O'Reilly saying that people are saying that this is Clinton's fault that the country is in the trouble it's in but it's actually Bush's fault. O'Reilly said that these idiots are misleading people with their stories about Clinton. He said that if the foreign investors pull out then we're screwed. Bill went off on people like Bill Dodd and Barney Frank saying that there is corruption on the far right and on the far left.
Howard said that Bill is an entertainer but he's right about what he's saying. He said he was going a little crazy there but he was right about that stuff. Howard said that it's ridiculous that they're blaming Bill Clinton for all of this when Bush has been in office for the past 8 years.
Robin said that a lot of people are saying it's not Bush's fault and if that's the case then we don't need a president in office.
Robin asked what people are drinking up there in Harlem. Howard played more of the clips and all of the people being interviewed would back Obama no matter what Sal said.
Howard said Sal did find one guy who is voting for McCain up there in Harlem. The guy told Sal he was more experienced than Obama so that's one reason he was voting for him. Sal asked him about Joe Biden being his Vice President and the guy had no clue that was actually Obama's running mate.
Howard asked if Sal was there today because he heard the 5th guy he interviewed took him out. He was just kidding about that.
Sal came in and said that he found it strange that this was a ''presidential race'' and this is all about ''race.'' Howard said that he heard that Sal felt weird voting against his race by voting for Obama. Sal denied saying that so Richard came in to talk about what he heard him say.
Sal was still talking about the race thing but Howard cut him off and told him he did a great job with the bit. Sal left before he could get himself into deeper trouble.
Howard said Gary hit it right on the head in that clip. He said that he didn't know how much what Ronnie said actually bothered him. He said that he's all stressed out by this wedding thing and it's weird. He said he can't wait for it to be over.
Howard said that he was talking to his shrink about the bachelor party and what Ronnie said there. His shrink told him that it was a terrible thing to say to him at his bachelor party. Howard said that Ronnie must not be happy for him or something so that's why he did it. His psychiatrist agreed with him on that.
Howard said that he heard Ronnie was screaming about how he doesn't think he's his friend and stuff like that. Gary said that he was actually saying that he didn't feel he belonged there at the party. Howard said he is his limo driver and he's not sure where he wants to go with this.
Robin said that Howard and Ronnie have nothing in common and he'd have a miserable time hanging out with him. Howard said he likes Ronnie because he's a good guy but he wants to take the relationship further for some reason. Howard said Ronnie is just his driver.
Howard said that Ronnie is in a Page Six article about him today and they spell his last name ''Munn'' instead of Mund. He said he loves that.
Howard said the reason that he spoke to Ronnie the day after the bachelor party was because he had to book the car for something.
Ronnie came in and said that if he just wants to book the car then he should just do that and hang up. Ronnie was also saying that he never said that he wanted to hang out with Howard. Robin said that's bullshit and he has done that.
Ronnie said that he understands a lot after yesterday's show. He said he doesn't want to be Howard's friend after all of that. Howard said that he sounds silly saying that. Ronnie said he doesn't want Howard bullshitting him anymore.
Howard said that he doesn't want to hang out with Ronnie at his house but that doesn't mean he doesn't like him. Ronnie said he's fine with that and he never said he wanted to hang out at his house. He said he's not like Sal who wants to be there and hang out.
Howard kept telling Ronnie he is friends with him at the show but not outside of the show. Ronnie said that Howard keeps telling him that he's going to have him out to his house. Howard said that he did want to have him out there but he didn't get to it this year. Ronnie said it's been the past 3 years he's been saying that.
Howard said the reason Ronnie works with him is because he likes him. Howard said that Ronnie sounds dumb now. Ronnie said that's fine if he thinks so.
Artie asked if there was anyone in the Ronnie Doesn't Sound Dumb club? Howard took some phone calls and one caller asked why Howard takes this stuff from Ronnie. He said that Ronnie sounds like a retard.
Howard said he was in the therapist's office talking about Ronnie and he had to bring up what Ronnie did there. He said Ronnie was yelling out the word fuck at this party in a nice restaurant and that's the kind of thing he worries about him doing at his house. Howard said Ronnie tells him he's just having fun when he does that stuff but he finds it offensive.
Howard said he's not angry with Ronnie, that's just who he is. He figures that Ronnie is an angry man and that's why he has such trouble saying nice things. Ronnie went along with that saying that he has a lot of anger in him. Ronnie said that he shouldn't have been there to begin with. He also said it may have been the liquor that caused him to do it.
Howard said he's not mad at Ronnie. He said that Ronnie got up and asked him why the fuck he's getting married and what the fuck is wrong with you. Ronnie said there weren't that many fucks in there but Artie said that Howard actually underestimated it.
Ronnie said that this wasn't serious if Artie was going to get involved. He told Artie to stay the hell out of it.
Howard said that Ronnie saying he was just having fun is okay but he wanted to know why he attacked him the way he did. Ronnie said that a bachelor party is like a roast and it's a bunch of guys goofing around about the marriage.
Artie said he agrees with Ronnie about that roast thing but you have to read situations based on who it is and where they're holding the party.
Gary said that it wasn't even a bachelor party, it was a dinner with friends before the wedding. Howard said that Ronnie was just saying he was having a good time and no one else was having a good time so that's why he did it.
Ronnie said he went on the Wrap Up Show because Jon asked him to go on. He said he didn't want to keep talking about that stuff but he did want to straighten out a few things. Ronnie said that he knows that Howard is trying to rile him up but it's not working. Howard said that it is working and he's totally riled up.
Fred said that Ronnie is riled up because he didn't answer him when he opened the door for him this morning. Howard said that's Ronnie having fun and teasing people. Ronnie said he did say hello to Fred this morning. Fred said he didn't hear him so he'd better get his hearing checked.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is the most ungrateful piece of shit he's ever heard. He said that he sounds like a rock the way he talks with his limited vocabulary. He told Ronnie to let some other people talk. The guy told Ronnie he wishes that he were out in the street so he could run him over.
The caller said that he's never seen someone so ungrateful. He said he walks around with an attitude there and he has no right to do that.
Howard told Ronnie he likes him and he doesn't hate him. Ronnie said he never said he did. Howard said he likes Ronnie, he's a nice guy. He said that he can belittle that if he wants to but that's what he feels.
Robin asked Ronnie if there's anyone there who he likes that he doesn't hang out with. Ronnie thought about that and said that he hangs out with who he likes and that's it. Howard asked him again if there is anyone there that he likes that he doesn't hang out with. Ronnie said no.
Ronnie said that he likes the other security guys there abut he doesn't hang with them. Howard said that sounds like him then. He said that he likes those people and just doesn't hang out with them. Howard said that Ronnie was wrong when he said there were people there that he doesn't hang out with that he likes. Ronnie said he thinks that's a little different.
Howard said that Ronnie has said he thinks that he hates him but he's never actually said that. Ronnie said he never said he hated Howard. Gary came in and said that Ronnie has said that he thinks Howard doesn't like him though. Ronnie agreed with that.
Howard told Ronnie that he does like him and he doesn't have a problem with him being at his party. He said that he invited him to his wedding so he's one of the select people who is going to hang out with him there. Howard said it's like nothing is enough for Ronnie and he wants more. Ronnie said he's fine and he isn't looking for more.
Howard asked Ronnie why he goes around bad mouthing him the way he does. Ronnie said he doesn't do that. He asked Howard why he keeps repeating himself. Howard said he's just trying to get him straight on all of this.
Ronnie said that he and Howard used to hang out with this guy Neil and they don't hang out anymore. Howard said that he still likes Neil even though he hasn't seen him in years.
Howard asked Ronnie why he was going around yelling and asking why things have to change. Ronnie laughed and didn't really answer that. Howard said that he said that at the bachelor party.
Howard told Ronnie to drop this. Ronnie said that he did drop it. Howard said he was on the Wrap Up Show talking about it. Ronnie said he did that because Jon asked him to do it. Howard said he likes Ronnie but Ronnie said that he doesn't care if he likes him.
Howard said he can't hug Ronnie or put his cock in his mouth every day. Ronnie said he's not Sal Governale and he's not looking for him to do that. Howard shushed Ronnie and tried to tell him what he was trying to say to him. He repeated that he likes Ronnie and asked him to stop going around saying that he doesn't like him.
Howard asked Ronnie to calm down with the drinking at parties. Ronnie said that he likes to drink. Howard told him to consider moderation. Howard told him that Mel Karmazin and Scott Greenstein are going to be at his wedding and he doesn't want him fucking it up. Ronnie said that maybe he should bow out then. Howard told him he doesn't have to do that but if he wants to bow out he can.
Ronnie said that he was fine at Howard's engagement party. He said he sat there and didn't say anything. Ronnie said that Robin was trying to get him to say stuff there but it didn't work. Robin said she was testing him.
Howard told Ronnie that he shouldn't have taken his shirt off at the party. Ronnie said that Howard asked him to do that. Howard told him not to do it next time. Howard said that Ronnie got topless at their Valentine's party once. That's what he was talking about while Ronnie thought he was talking about the bachelor party.
Howard asked Artie to do his impression of Ronnie at the party. Artie started to do it but Ronnie threatened to walk out. Artie went right into it anyway and did the impression of his speech. Howard was laughing pretty hard as he did that. Howard said that Richie from Nobu told him that about 10 tables cleared out when they heard that.
Dominic said that they've known Howard for over 20 years now and they all take those mistakes and apply them to themselves. Howard said he had no idea what Dominic was saying. Robin said he was making no sense. Dominic said that he wanted to finish. He asked Howard if he's so happy then why is he acting so miserable on the air.
Howard said that Dominic doesn't know anything about him because he doesn't hang out with him off the air. Howard said that he's not angry and he doesn't know him off the air. Howard said he's not angry with anyone. He said he just questions some stuff that's done around there.
Howard ended up goofing on Dominic for his dopey comments. He told Dominic to keep listening to the radio and tell people he's friends with him. Howard did his Dominic impression and goofed on him saying that he's just a listener, not a close friend. Howard said that he wouldn't go to Dominic's house and ask him not to be there if he was his friend.
Howard said he knows that Dominic tells people that he's his best friend and that's just not the case. Dominic said that he's his only friend. Dominic kept telling him to hang up on him at any time if he wanted to. Howard said he can hang up on him whenever he wants because it's his show and Dominic is the one who calls him.
Howard said that Dominic and Ronnie are the same guy and they're both trying to get to his house and they can't.
Howard told Dominic he has no clue about human emotion or happiness and he's done horrible things and he still thinks he's identifying with him. Dominic said that he thinks that Fred, Robin and Gary all agree with him on this stuff. Robin and Fred said that he was taking quite a leap there.
Dominic said that he thinks that they have to learn to deal with Howard in a certain way. Robin just laughed at him. Howard said that he has no idea what Dominic is saying and asked everyone else if they knew. Fred said that this was such projection from Dominic and he thinks that this is what Dominic is doing to people and he's putting it all on Howard.
Fred asked what happened to Dominic's father. Dominic said that his father was raised without a father and he didn't know how to raise a son. Fred said he gets that because he was raised without a father and he became a better father because of it.
Howard said that Dominic thinks that they're the same guy and they're really not. He said that he meets guys like that who think they know him so well but they don't.
Howard said that this conversation is making him sick. He said that Dominic loves him and he loves him so much he wants to kill him. He told Dominic that he should go study psychotherapy. Dominic said that he actually does. Dominic told Howard he hopes he has a happy wedding. Howard asked Dominic not to come to his wedding. Dominic said goodbye right after that. Howard said that was a really annoying phone call.
Artie said that Dominic does this a lot and he just waits for the ''Uh huh'' comment from other people on the show. He said that's what he just did today. Howard said that Dominic doesn't care about anyone except for him.
Artie said Dominic has to have a dramatic ending to his calls. He did an impression of him doing that and goofed on him a little bit about it.
Howard said Dominic and Ronnie are very similar in the way they treat him. He said he can tell the difference between people who like him and who wants to suck his asshole because he's famous. Artie said he's starting to see that same thing in his life.
Howard said Dominic will sit and comment about everything he does if he's out with him. He said that he will even knock people over to get him his chair. Howard said they went away on vacation with Dominic and he didn't remember Ross's wife's name when they came back.
Gary said that Dominic used to deal Howard winning hands in poker games because he liked him so much. Howard said that's creepy. Gary said that it was very creepy. Howard said that you can't have guys like that around you. He said that Dominic is amazing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is really fucked up. He asked how he can tell Dominic he's not his friend and be so cruel to someone. Howard said he was pissing him off and he doesn't really hang out with him on a personal level anymore. The caller said that was pretty deep to say that he's not his friend and go off on him like that.
The caller said that Howard said he thought that Jon Hein was inviting him to his kid's party for the money. Howard said he admits he has a lot of weird thoughts.
The caller told the guys he loves them and asked Fred if he thinks the vote counts are going to be shady again. Howard said they absolutely will. He said he finds it unbelievable that they don't have a voting system that's reliable. He said that the whole system is based on the freedom to vote and they don't have something reliable to elect the President.
Howard and the caller spent a few minutes talking about the voting system and how fucked up it is. Robin said that all of congress didn't want to fix the voting system. She said that it's their job to fix it and they should have fixed it after the Gore/Bush fiasco. Howard said that they're busy investigating baseball and basketball and not caring about the voting problem.
Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said that he did want to say that Dominic is a good guy and he does have a good heart. Robin said that Dominic should blame himself for Howard not being around him. He said that he got too weird around him and that's why Howard doesn't hang out with him anymore. Howard said Dominic knows why he doesn't hang around him anymore. He left it at that and went to break.
Howard said he doesn't believe that Eric Clapton is all that great. He said Jimi Hendrix was the greatest of all time. Howard said that Jimi once played guitar with his ass hairs.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. He quickly mentioned that today is the premiere of the Ronnie Mund show on Howard TV. Richard and Sal host the show and they premiere new episodes every week of this month. Howard said there's also a Ronnie Mund sound board over at the Howard TV web site. He wanted to check that out himself.
The Howard TV guys sent him some of the audio through the sound board. Howard requested a bunch of the clips and that led to Howard saying he might have to switch the Real Doll to Ronnie instead of Eric the Midget. Howard said he liked those audio clips. He said you gotta love Ronnie.
Artie said that Lisa is obsessed with the seating at the wedding. Howard said that they got all of that done and then Beth wanted to set up where all of the tables were going to be put. He said he didn't care about that stuff though.
Howard said he thinks that this wedding is going to be a big letdown for some people. He said that there's no dance floor and they're just going to sit down and have dinner and talk. He said that it's not going to be like a wedding. Gary said that people are going to enjoy it because they're going to be there with Howard and his friends.
Howard said he knows his agent is going to criticize the wine and things like that. Robin said of course he will. Gary said he heard that Lisa was complaining that she wasn't invited. She was upset that the first time she was going to see Beth's dress was going to be in a magazine.
Howard said he really likes Lisa and she's a perfect example of a person he really likes but doesn't hang out with. Howard said that he's just getting married and there's nothing to really see there. He said that he's telling Dominic that he can't come.
Howard apologized to Lisa about not having her there. Lisa said that she just wants to see Beth's dress. Howard said that the dress isn't even done yet. He said that Beth came home yesterday and said that it wasn't done.
Lisa said that she spoke to a former classmate of JD's and she told her that she remembered JD as a very shy guy. Lisa said that she suggested that he come to the high school reunion because he's famous and successful now. Lisa said that she also e-mailed someone that JD used to have a crush on and the girl had no idea who JD was.
Lisa talked to Dee Snider about the Onion article that they read on the show yesterday. Howard asked her if she brought up the wedding to him too. Lisa said that she did a little bit but Dee was cool about everything. Howard said he has to get rid of that news department.
Tom was saying that he's completely drug free now. He said he's been sober 19 years as of December 10th of this year.
Howard asked Tom how many times he's been married. Tom said he's had 3. Howard asked Tom about being married to Roseanne and read some quotes from both Tom and Roseanne. Tom said some stuff about her and Roseanne said some mean stuff about him.
Tom said that Roseanne claims that he took all of her money but he said he didn't even take any money when they got divorced.
Howard asked Tom about riding motorcycles with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tom said that they still go riding every Sunday. He said that John Favreau goes out riding with them too. He told some stories about those rides and what they talk about when they go out.
Tom said that he and Arnold joke around and pretend to fight and people think they're serious. Howard said that he thinks Arnold is avoiding the show. Tom said that he's doing a movie with Arnold soon and he won't be governor for much longer.
Howard said he's impressed with Arnold and what he's done out there. He said that people seem to like him out there in California.
Howard said that Tom was married to another woman for a little while and then he was with Shelby. He married her once and then divorced and got back together again eventually. Tom said that she did live with him for a while because she was having a house remodeled.
Howard said he remembers Tom having Shelby sitting on his lap when they'd come in there. Tom said he thought there was only one chair in there and that's why they were doing that. Tom said that he and Shelby were trying to get pregnant but things weren't working. Tom said that his testicles didn't descend and he may have cooked his sperm.
Howard asked Tom if he still shoots out the white stuff when he has sex. Tom said he does and he just did that last night at the Regency.
Howard said that Tom is lucky in a way because he and Shelby ended up breaking up. Tom said that it is tough when you have little kids and break up. He said that Howard had a nice long relationship and his kids were grown when they divorced.
Tom said that he and Shelby broke up and they did a post-nup and they worked things out nicely. Tom said that he had an $8 million house that he had to sell back then and he sold it to a big rock star who didn't want to be revealed.
Howard asked Tom what he has to shell out to Shelby. He read that it was 15,000 a month. Howard said that's not too bad. Tom said that he made out okay in that deal. He said that he wanted to be very fair to her and go beyond that. Tom said that he's doing alright in his career.
Tom said that he may adopt a child himself but he doesn't want to adopt a child that could have 2 parents. He said he'd just like to make a kid's life better. Howard said that he's going to regret it if he adopts a kid. He said he won't be able to go out with Arnold Schwarzenegger on Sunday's if he does adopt. Tom said that Arnold has like 4 kids and he'd be able to go.
Tom told Howard about this problem he had with an inverted intestine. He said that he got it from throwing up too much. He told this story but I don't have a clue what he was talking about.
Howard asked Tom about who he's dating now and also had him take a drink of water because he had some severe dry mouth going on.
Howard read that Tom gets acupuncture in his balls. Tom said that he does do that and he has a Chinese woman who does that for him. He said that they put 12 needles in there. He said that the woman is used to small penises so he's not embarrassed to show her what he has.
Tom was saying that he was in a men's group but Howard was figuring that it was actually AA. Tom said that he's not saying that it's AA because he could get into trouble for talking about a meeting like that if it actually was AA.
Howard said that Tom hasn't been in a relationship for more than 4 years or so and even his mother left him when he was 4 years old. Tom said that stuff does come up in meetings. Tom said he thinks that he waits for that 4 year period to get really good and then things just go wrong. He said he's heard that he's hard to live with because of his scheduling and things like that.
Tom said that he has started to go out and do things that regular guys do, like going to Bed Bath and Beyond, and that helps his relationships. He said that he's dating a woman that he met earlier this year and things are going okay.
Tom talked about some of the stuff he used to do to make money and how he was looking for a gold mine up in Canada a few years ago. Tom said he thinks they lost millions on that. Tom said that he figured that they'd never fall for anything like that again but then he did this web site where they were trying to get him married. He said it was the same guys who invested in the gold mine that invested in this web site.
Howard asked about the gold mine and if they sent pictures of the mine to him to show him the progress and stuff. Tom said that they were getting pictures and they thought that they were going to find gold eventually. Tom said they figured they were going to be millionaires from that whole thing but it just didn't happen.
Howard told Tom that he was the gold mine. Someone got rich off of him. Tom said that he had one partner that is in prison now. He said he's really not good with investing in stuff. Howard told him that his money is better off in the hands of his ex-wives.
Howard said he read that Tom lived in the same building as Britney Spears and he once found her passed out on the floor. Tom said that he did trip over her one day when he was going to one of his meetings. He said that he thought that it was Shelby at first. Tom asked her if she knew who he was and she claimed she did. Tom asked her to come up to his meeting with him but she didn't want to come. Tom said that he called someone to ask them to pick Britney up and get her moving.
Tom said that he saw Britney the next day and told them that they really have to start going out the back door. He said he tried to give Kevin some advice but he apparently didn't take that very well. Tom said that Britney is doing good now though.
Howard said that Tom's other good friend is Heather Locklear and she just got into some trouble. Tom said that she played his wife in the movie ''Oranges.'' Tom said it looks like a set up from what he's seen. He said a tabloid reporter called the cops and the cops never saw her driving.
Howard asked Tom if he ever banged Heather. Tom said that he didn't but he saw David Spade in her trailer one day on the set. He said that Spade is a great guy and the women love him. He said he hopes that Heather is okay and she gets happy. He thinks that she's going through a tough period right now.
Howard read that Tom is friendly with Sharon Stone too. Tom said that he is. Howard asked him if he ever tried to get into her pants. Tom said that things were kind of weird between them because Sharon was friendly with Roseanne. Tom said that she was great on the set of the movie they did together.
Howard read that Tom has three testicles. Tom said that he asked Shelby to feel it one time but she refused to do it. He said that was one problem he had with her. He said that if she really loved him she would have felt it. He said that the doctor told him that it was fine and they could remove it but they didn't have to.
Howard said that Tom is hosting this ''My Big Redneck Wedding'' show on CMT. It airs this Saturday night. He gave him some plugs for that and spent a minute talking about the show.
Howard asked Tom about Bernie Mac since he worked with him. Tom said he liked the guy but he didn't go to his funeral. He said he wasn't in his inner circle. Tom said he did go to Bernie Brillstein's funeral that same weekend. Howard said that Tom had to make a decision there and he chose to go to the funeral that would help him more. Tom said that Brillstein managed him so that's why he went to that one. He said that Brillstein probably would have told him to go to Bernie Mac's funeral.
Howard asked Tom about leaving The Best Damn Sports Show. Tom said that he left because of money but he still loves them there and he's doing the show next week. Tom said he's got some movies coming out but he'll talk about them at a future time. Howard asked Tom who he's voting for. Tom said ''Obama all the way.''
Howard told Artie to tell Tom how long he's been sober. Artie said he kind of fell off the wagon with the tequila so it's been 14 days. Robin said that didn't sound like much. Tom said he knows how hard that 14 days can be. He told Artie that he shouldn't die because so many people love him. Artie said he met Tom a long time ago and he's always been very supportive. Howard gave Tom some more plugs for his show and wrapped up with him a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he had some audio clips from Chuck Zito's show to play. He also had a clip from the internet where this woman is talking about Obama while she's sitting on a motorcycle with a couple of guys. He said that you can tell they're from the deep south.
Howard played the clip and the woman was saying that they don't need an ''A-rab president.'' She said that they don't want to vote for someone with a middle name of ''Hussein.'' She asked why they would vote for an ''A-rab'' when we're at war with Iraq and Iran. Howard said that she's actually kind of young when you see her in the clip. She sounds much older in the audio.
Howard said the woman wasn't that old and showed Robin a shot of her. He played more of the audio of the woman going off on Barack and her friends goofing on him. One of the guys was throwing the N-word around in that conversation.
Robin said that she would love to see them on FOX doing a reality show or something. Howard said he wants them for Howard 101 and told Tim Sabean to set them up with a show.
Howard said that they have a show there on SIRIUS where the guys from the Sopranos do a show. He said that they're just pretending to be outlaws and Chuck Zito is the real thing. He had some clips from his Monday night show.
In the first clip Chuck was saying that he saw the debate and he was upset about the way things are going with the economy. Chuck talked about the war in Iraq and how he thinks that they should have just bombed the whole country off the face of the earth instead of doing a ground war. Chuck said that it's 7 years later and they still can't find this guy with the towel around his fuckin' head.
Howard played another clip where Chuck went off on Ted Kennedy. He said that Kennedy should have been in jail a long time ago for killing that woman in the car.
Howard asked JD if Chuck talks about any broads he's banging. He said that's the kind of stuff he likes to hear. JD said that there is a clip where he talks about that kind of stuff. Howard played that clip next where a caller asked him if he plays the field. Chuck said he doesn't have a serious girl even though he should. Chuck said he has this 20 year old that doesn't even speak English. He said they only say a couple of words to each other while they're banging.
Howard took a call from a guy who wished everyone a ''Rontober.'' Howard corrected him and said it's Mundtober on Howard TV because of the Ronnie Show.
Howard said that someone photoshopped a picture of Gary into the Iron Sheik. He had another one where he's merged with Big Foot. Howard said they'll have those up on his site. They even had a Johnny Fratto Booey. Robin said that one was great. They also had a Riley Booey where they had Gary's face on Riley Martin's body.
Howard read through some e-mail and someone asked if Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman were coming to his wedding. Robin talked about that yesterday and said that they were seen holding hands just recently. Howard said that they are both coming to his wedding.
Howard also replayed the interviews that Sal did in Harlem that he had played earlier in the morning.
Dice got distracted and said hello to Artie. Howard told him that Artie was sober for 14 days now. Dice said he doesn't know what that means. Dice said that he doesn't know what that word is but he knows Howard does because he went to college.
Dice said he was serious and didn't know what sobriety meant. Howard said he had to be kidding about that. Dice stuck with the story though.
Howard asked Dice about his leather jacket since he wasn't wearing it. Dice said that he's just expanding. He was still wearing the leather gloves but that's because he doesn't like germs.
Howard said that Dice is dying his hair and he kind of likes it better. Dice said he had to dye it for a reason. Howard said that he doesn't dye his hair but he does have a couple of grey hairs in there.
Dice said that he goes to a salon to get his hair done. He has this guy Jeff Seera who does it for him. Dice said he has to do the hair thing for show business. He said he turned 51 the other day and he doesn't have a problem with that but he does the dye thing for TV appearances.
Howard asked Dice if he finds himself slowing down. Dice said that he has prescription glasses now and ripped his rotator cuff so things are kind of falling apart. He said he doesn't have a problem getting it up. Dice said that every time he has sex it's like having it the first time. He said that even if it's some slob he's dating, when he sees that little, hairy meat pocket, it's like the first time.
Dice said he does like some hair down there and doesn't like it to look like a hatchet cut down there. Howard asked Dice about his girlfriend and if she enjoys hearing Dice calling her names. Dice said that if you can't call your chick a whore in bed then it's just not right.
Howard asked Dice what happened between him and Eleanor. Dice said it just ended. He said that he's got this new girlfriend and he had both of them over to the house and they were talking shit about him to each other. Howard said that Dice has to calm down at some point.
Dice said that if he goes a few years with a relationship, he thinks of it as a success. Howard said that you can't be calking women whores though. Howard said that he wouldn't get away with that if he was a regular guy.
Howard asked Dice what he was worth right now. Dice said that he's not worth as much as Howard. He didn't want to say what he was worth though.
Howard asked Dice how his kids are doing. Dice said that they're great. He said that he's respectful to the women in front of the kids and doesn't call them ''Who'ahh'' in front of the kids. He said that it's only in bed that he does that.
Dice asked Robin what happened with her and Jim Florentine. Robin said that things just didn't work out. Dice asked her if it failed or if it just ended. Robin said it just ended. Dice said he thought they were a great couple.
Dice said he asked Jim about what happened and Jim didn't say much about it. Howard said that Jim broke up with Robin but now she's going out with a 23 year old. Robin said she never said she was dating that guy.
Howard asked Dice about his career and how that's going. Dice said it's doing very well and he's going to be on HBO's ''Down and Dirty'' on the 10th.
Howard read that Dice was paid $100,000 for one night of stand up. He asked if that was true. Dice said that he wouldn't remember that. Howard asked if it's true that his web site gets 80,000 hits a day. Dice said he has no idea how that works.
Howard asked Dice if he ever got any famous chicks. Dice said that's not his thing. He asked Howard if this was some kind of psychology thing. Gary said that Dice did a movie with Teri Hatcher before she was famous. Dice said he didn't do her but he did think she was good looking. He did movies with other women too and didn't do any of them.
Dice asked Howard if he did any famous women. Howard said he did but he won't talk about them. Howard asked Dice about Lauren Holly and wondered if he did her. Dice said he was with his ex-wife at the time and he didn't do her. Dice said that he's very good with people when he's with them.
Howard was asking Dice question after question but not letting him answer any of them. Dice went off on him about that.
Howard asked Dice about his two marriages and if he cheated on his wives at all. Dice said that he didn't do that in his first marriage. Dice said that you just give things a shot and see if they work out. He said that you need to enjoy your life and do what you need to do.
Howard asked Dice why he doesn't move back to Brooklyn and get out of L.A. Dice said that he's been out in L.A. for a long time now. He said he comes back to the city pretty often.
Howard talked about the time he and Dice went out house hunting and how he walked out of the closing for the house when he saw 666 in the office of the real estate agent. Dice said he doesn't believe in that stuff but if something has a bad vibe, you don't buy it. He said he believes in bad vibes and not the 666 thing.
Howard said he doesn't fall for that 666 stuff and he wouldn't have backed out of the closing based on that stuff.
Howard said that he set Dice up with this nice real estate agent and he did nothing but give her a hard time. They went to this one house that Dice didn't like from the outside and he almost didn't go in to see the place. Howard said that Dice and his buddy Johnny were there taking pictures of each other on the stairs of this house they didn't want to look at.
Howard said that Dice would be angry if he waited around all day for someone to come and look at his house and then they walked right out. Dice said he doesn't care about that stuff.
Howard asked Dice what happened to his buddy Johnny. Dice said he didn't want to talk about it and he's sure Johnny wouldn't want him to talk about it either. Howard tried to find out what happened but Dice said he's not going to do this with him.
Howard asked Dice if he's still friends with Johnny or not. Dice said he's not talking about it. He said he will talk about girls he's been with all day long but he can't talk about a friend like that. Howard figured that he was hurt by it too much but Dice said that he wasn't hurt at all. Howard said that Johnny mattered to him and that's why he's not talking about him. Howard told him to say that Johnny mattered. Dice said he knows he wants him to say it but now he can't.
Dice said that Howard would say that he couldn't talk about it if he was fighting with Ralph. Howard said that he loves Ralph and he's a good friend of his. Robin and Howard said that they think that Dice was really hurt by something and that's why he's not talking about it. Dice said that he just doesn't do that on the air. He doesn't talk about his friends that way.
Howard asked Dice if he does anal with a girl. Dice said he's not into that and he likes regular sex. Howard said he feels bad for Dice that he's never had a famous chick. Dice said that he didn't get into the business to get chicks because he was always able to get chicks.
Dice said he lost his virginity at 18 and Howard thought that was a little late. Dice said that the right age is when it actually happens. Everyone is different.
Howard told Dice to fuck Robin and try to hold out for 10 minutes. Dice said that he can tell how a chick is going to operate in bed by the way they kiss.
Howard gave Dice some plugs for the big show Dice is doing at the Capital One Bank Theater in Westbury, New York. He has all new material that he'll be doing in that show.
Artie said that Dice talks about ''Sex and the City'' in his act and how much he dislikes it. Dice said that he doesn't do his material on this show but he doesn't like that show. He ended up going off on the women on that show and goofed on them a little bit.
Dice asked Howard what he will do with a chick. Howard said he likes a woman's legs and he's also a vagina man. Dice said that he likes a nice ass.
Howard took a call from Hot Tub Johnny which was actually a guy in a hot tub pretending to be Johnny. Dice didn't seem to be amused by that call. Howard quickly moved on and got back to describing what he likes with women. He said that he likes to get verbal with a woman and tell her what to do.
Howard said he doesn't like to call his women whores. Dice corrected him and told him that it's not whore, it's ''Who'ahh.'' Howard said he doesn't say it like that.
Howard said he can't believe that Dice has never met Beth. Dice said he's never introduced him to her. Howard said he's going to take him out to dinner and introduce them.
Howard asked Dice if he was ever molested as a kid. Dice said that he went down to 42nd street when he was like 16 and this guy ended up showing them a booth and the guy tried putting his hand on his knee. Dice said he took off out of there when that happened. Dice said he's very non-gay and he's not into that stuff. He said if he did want a cock in his mouth, it would be in there.
Dice said that he doesn't get why gay people want to get married. He said that he guarantees that we'll see ''Fag Divorce'' on TV eventually. He said he has no problem with people who want to bump balls together but he doesn't think that they should be allowed to adopt kids.
Dice was going off on the gays and then going off on women and talking about how he'd like to fuck them. He had Robin laughing her ass off as he was screaming and cursing about that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Dice about Victoria Jackson because he thought that they were a couple. Dice said that he liked her but he never fucked her. He said he would fuck her because she is a crazy chick but he didn't do her in the past.
Howard gave Dice some more plugs for his upcoming show. Dice said that Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson are going to be there at the show. Howard gave him a plug for his Myspace page, Myspace.com/AndrewDiceClay, too.
Howard took some more calls and one guy went off on Dice telling him that he crashed worse than Travis Barker at the show he did with Artie last year. Dice said he doesn't even respond to that stuff anymore.
Another caller asked Dice about being on Diff'rent Strokes. Dice said that he did do that show and wondered why Howard didn't ask him if he fucked Dana Plato. Howard asked him if he did and Dice quickly said ''no.'' Dice said he worked with Jamie Gertz back then too. She was only 16 at the time but she was beautiful.
Howard figured that Dice had banged some celebrities but he was just not talking about it. Dice said that he's saving all of that for his book. He said he'll name names in that.
Howard asked Jim (Fred) why he broke up with Robin. Fred said that Robin wouldn't take the knuckle. Dice said that was a pretty good impression of Jim.
Howard wrapped up and gave Dice some more plugs for his show and Myspace page. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later. Howard's mic crapped out right around that time so it was good timing to end it when he did.
Howard came back and said that Wal-Mart has figured out the record industry. He said that they make deals with the artists directly and avoid the record companies and they're doing really well. He said that they have exclusive rights to the AC/DC album and they're doing really well from what he's heard.
Howard said that would be like them marketing an artist's album on the show. Robin said that means that anyone who wants that AC/DC album has to go to Wal-Mart to get it. Artie said they probably figured they could get people to buy other stuff when they go in for that album.
Howard tried to take a phone call but the person wasn't there. Eric the Midget was on the line too so he took that call. Eric asked if they had any more fuckin' interviews to make him sit through while he's on hold. He said that Dice was obnoxious and loud and he didn't like that. He said that he liked the interview with Tom Arnold though.
Eric was also saying that they were very loud this morning and they didn't have to be so loud because they do have microphones. Robin said that he has something called a volume knob on his radio too.
Eric said that he was talking to Johnny about the Real Doll thing and he was saying he doesn't have a case. Eric said that Johnny told him about a case that made him realize that he wouldn't have a case against them. The case he quoted was ''Bergen vs. McCarthy.'' It was a reference to Edgar Bergen and his puppet Charlie McCarthy.
Artie said that he wanted to tell Eric how stupid he was. Howard told him to hold off on that. Eric said that he was willing to take the photos of Artie off of his site if they drop the idea of the Real Doll. Eric said he wanted a 2500 picture limit on the pictures first though. Howard said he didn't want to get into this and he's going to make the Real Doll. Eric said that he's going to donate some of the money to the North Shore Animal League if they drop the Real Doll thing.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he wants to fuck that Eric the Midget Real Doll. Howard said he would have him in to do that. Eric the Midget told Eric to go fuck himself. High Pitch told him to get a life. Howard let the two of them go and Artie said that the case that Johnny told Eric about, Bergen vs. McCarthy, was a ventriloquist and his dummy and Johnny was just jerking him around.
Howard played a clip of Matt Lauer asking Robert Kennedy Jr. how his dad was doing. He meant to ask how his uncle was doing and screwed that up. Howard said he's going to catch a lot of shit for that.
Steve said that Bob Levy's comedy club in Levittown, Pennsylvania is closing because of differences with the building's owner. Steve said they have a story about Jason sending a Save the Date card to Brad Driver from the news department. Steve wrapped up a short time after that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Steve the Intern also came in with his Intern Show preview. Howard said he heard that Jared was very upset with what Steve was saying about him on the show yesterday. Steve said he heard that Jared wanted to punch him in the face when he heard what he had to say.
Howard ended up talking about Chris Russo talking about going off to Chicago to do a show. He said that Mel was asking him why he had to go off to Chicago to do a show when he could do the same show from New York. Howard said that Chris is going an he wanted people to know that he's doing the show out there.
Robin read some news about Barack Obama. She had a story about a woman who was in a cow outfit and chasing kids around urinating on them. Artie was choking on some water that went down the wrong pipe. Artie said he was fine but it went down the wrong pipe, it happens.
Robin read a story about some research that was done about how people are better off getting therapy. She said that some people need the long term stuff. Howard said he's been in for 11 years now. He said his therapist thinks he needs about 117 years.
Robin read some news about Sharon Stone's odd treatment of her son. She has been overreacting to some things and she once thought that he needed Botox in his feet to stop foot odor. Howard wondered how she adopted a blond haired kid. He said that other people have to wait in line to get a kid like that. Howard said Angelina Jolie must be pissed.
Robin read some news about the OJ Simpson case. She said that they may be wrapping up soon and may have a verdict by the end of the week. Howard had to go to break after that, around 10:20am.
After the break Howard had Robin get back to her news. She talked about Heather Locklear's DUI case. It turns out that she wasn't witnessed actually driving her vehicle. A woman in a supermarket called 911 and told the cops about what she was doing. Howard said he hopes that Heather is alright. He said that she's getting older and her looks might be fading and that odd behavior comes on when that happens. Howard said it wasn't easy for him when he hit the wall. He said he's actually been ugly his whole life so it's been pretty consistent.
Robin said that shoppers are going to see more foods marked with their country of origin. There are new rules that say they have to show where all of these foods come from. Howard said he may not eat some foods once he finds out where they come from.
Robin read a story about football player Ricky Williams and how he is giving up smoking pot to get back into football. Robin also read a story about the financial crisis package and they're hoping that they can get it passed to get the $700 billion financial rescue package to go through.
Robin read a story about John McCain and Sarah Palin and how they've predicted that if he gets elected for a second term they would be doubling the chances of Palin becoming President. She also had a story about how there are more accidents on voting day than other days.
Robin said that they keep saying that Sarah Palin is getting ready for the debates and now she's hoping that Joe Biden is getting ready. Howard said he thinks that Biden will do fine because he's got experience doing things like that. Robin said she hopes he's taking it seriously. Howard said that Biden should have to have a handicap like he has to be drunk for the debate or something.
Howard said that Sarah Palin is one of those people who just keeps talking and talking and it makes her sound dumber. He said that if she just slowed down and stoped talking so much she's do better. Howard played a clip of Palin talking to Katie Couric in an interview and not answering with a direct answer about abortion. Palin rambled on and on about getting those kids adopted. Howard said that the problem is that these kids aren't getting adopted and that's just bullshit. Palin was dancing around the answers that Couric was trying to get in the interview. Howard said she's slimy in the way she answers her questions.
Palin also talked about gay people in one clips so the guys spent a few minutes talking about that and goofing on Palin's answers.
Robin had some audio from the stamped in India that she mentioned yesterday. After playing that Howard and Artie did their Indian impressions and goofed around with that for a short time.
Robin had some audio of President Bush trying to get this bail out plan passed. Howard said that he should have done something to stop this mess 8 years ago.
Robin had some more John McCain audio clips and Howard noticed that he has a bit of a whistle when he speaks. Fred did an impression of him that was pretty funny.
Robin read a story about a guy who jumped into the water to punch a shark that was attacking his dog. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about what he did. Howard said he wouldn't even jump in the pool when his dog fell in one time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought Andrew Dice Clay was great today. The guy also said that he wanted to talk about JD. He said he thinks that the sun down in Florida is what made him the way he is.
Another caller said that Howard's father would be great to have on the show to do some commentary on what Sarah Palin says. Howard said he thinks that his father would have made a great president. He said he really does feel that way too.
Howard read a story about Janet Jackson canceling her concerts after going into the hospital for exhaustion. Howard said that it might be that big tuchas she has to carry around. He said that her tuchas follows her around for like 4 miles like the caboose on a train.
Robin read a story about Kim Cardashian getting booted off of Dancing with the Stars. She read a story about a new movie that's coming out where everyone becomes blind. She wrapped up after that. Artie got in a plug for the Down and Dirty episode he's going to be on this weekend. He said that Jim Norton is hosting and Jim Florentine is on the show with him. That airs on HBO this weekend. They ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon said that Tom is a pretty well connected guy. Gary said that he seems to work pretty steadily even though he has done some clunker movies. He said that just about everyone knows him since he was married to Roseanne. Gary also said that he seems like a really good guy when he's hung out with him.
Jon said that Tom talked about having acupuncture on his balls when he wasn't having any luck having kids. Gary said that there are some people who say they wouldn't throw money at something like that but some people keep trying until they can have kids. Gary said that some couples will do anything to make it happen.
Jon said that sometimes the people end up with more than one kid for one reason or another. Gary said that the point is that people will try anything and Tom was willing to get acupuncture on his balls.
Jon said that Tom was talking about adopting a child and Howard asked him why he would do that. Gary said that Howard used to do the adopted kid thing with phone callers in the past and it always outrages people. He said he loves that.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Tom talked about his gold mine investment and things like that. Jon and Gary talked about that a little bit. They also talked about his being sober for 19 years and Artie's 14 days.
Gary said he was thinking about Artie and wondering if he thinks that he's going to go back to doing drugs. Gary said he will go on a diet and try to do it as long as he can but he knows he'll eventually go back to eating. He wondered if Artie does that with drugs.
Benjy said that Tom was saying he got zero money from Roseanne. Gary said he can't remember what the story was with that. He said that he remembers Roseanne telling them to ask Tom about the shoe box he took out of their bedroom and he doesn't know what she was referring to with that.
Jon went to the phones and the first caller asked if Howard has any expressed any concern about stalkers that might be involved with the show. Jon asked Gary if he thinks of any of the guys like Sal, Ronnie or Dominic being those types of people. Gary said that he looks at Sal as a co-worker but there are some people who think that he's just a Wack Packer who works there.
Gary said that you can be an admirer of the show or a hard core fanatic like some people are. He said he thinks that Sal gets it and he's not a problem. Ronnie said that Sal has to be dragged out of the green room sometimes when he's talking to a guest that he's not supposed to be talking to. Ronnie said that Lisa G is second on that list of people like Sal.
A caller said that Ronnie disrespects Howard all the time. The caller tried to explain to him what he does and how he should be able to control his drinking. Ronnie said it was a party and he was under control. He said he was just having fun and that's what the party was supposed to be about.
Jon said that Howard made a point to say that he likes Ronnie. Ronnie said that he was just bringing up how serious it was that Howard took that story to his shrink. He said that was a big deal to him.
Jon asked Ronnie about the conversation they had about hanging out with people at work. Ronnie said that he has a problem with Teddy but then he said he was just trying to wind him up because he knew that would get to him. Ronnie said he gets along with just about everyone up there.
A caller said that he thinks that Lisa G sits in disgust with all of them, even Howard. The guy said that he thinks they should make the Lisa G doll and just have her in the studio while the real Lisa G sits out in the hall. The guy said that they had another reporter there who didn't like the show and Gary went off on him. Gary said that Lisa isn't like that and the guy the caller was referring to really didn't like being in the building from what he could tell.
Benjy said that Lisa G's disgust for the show would be behind the scenes if they made the Real Doll. Ronnie said he thinks that Lisa would hold it in at work and she'd go home and cry about it instead.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had to defend Ronnie there. He said that Ronnie was asked to get up and make that speech at the party. If he hadn't gotten up then they would have made fun of him about that. Ronnie said that someone did ask him to say something but he didn't want to say who it was.
Ronnie said that he knew when he walked out of Bubba's wedding that he was going to catch shit. He said he didn't even want to go to work the next day. He said that whole thing is up on Howard TV this whole month.
Ronnie said that the old Artie wouldn't have said anything about his speech. He said that this was the Angry Artie talking this time.
Jon brought up Dominic Barbara's call and wondered what that was about. Ronnie said he's not sure what that was about. He said he can't say anything about him but he thinks that he was trying to get through to talk about how he's not Howard's friend anymore. Gary said that Dominic isn't as close to Howard as he used to be and he thinks that Dominic is bothered by that.
Ronnie said that when he met Howard he was doing afternoons and he's grown over the years since then. Ronnie said that he knew him before he was huge and he was more friendly back then than he is now.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's upset that he doesn't run in that circle of friends that Howard has. Ronnie said he doesn't mind that. Ronnie said that stuff doesn't upset him, it was the fact that Howard went to his shrink about the party that bothered him.
A caller said that they have two things on this show that drain it. He said it's when Ronnie is on or when they talk about Benjy running into the studio. He said he clicks off and goes to another channel when that happens. Gary said he's entitled to his opinion but not everyone does that.
Another caller said that they went off on Ronnie about the thing that happened at Will's wedding. He said he saw the video if it and it didn't look like Ronnie had anything to do with it.
Ronnie said that he knows people are egging him on to do stuff at Howard's wedding and it's already happening. He didn't want to say who it is that's saying that stuff to him though.
Another caller said that she thinks Howard is one of those people who will ignore you more if you compliment him. She said that Howard doesn't want to hear how much you like him. If you ignore him then he'll like you more. Gary said that Ronnie isn't into head games like that. Ronnie said that he's not smart enough for those games. They had to break right after that.
Jon asked Ronnie who busts his balls the most. Ronnie said that Sal and Richard have gotten very calm lately and haven't been bothering him at all.
Ronnie said that he and JD still go at it. He said that Chris the camera man also goes after him a lot. He said that he thinks that Chris has crossed that line and he's learning from Gregg and even from Isaac who used to be there.
Jon brought up the Sal in Harlem bit that Howard played today. Gary said that Sal has to ask before he goes up there. He said that the bit turned out to be pretty amazing and he hit a home run with that bit. Gary said that it's almost like Sal should have done it for the Daily Show or something. Benjy said that Sal was saying that those interviews were with the first three people he interviewed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves what Sal does and thinks that he really did great with that bit today. Jon said it was too bad that Sal wasn't in there to hear the praise.
Jon brought up Andrew Dice Clay's interview. Gary said that he loves Dice and when they get him riled up. He said that Dice will morph from Andrew to ''Dice'' when he's in there or even when he's on the phone. Gary said he loves when Dice will yell at Howard and Howard can't get a word in.
Jon played a clip of Dice freaking out in his interview and talking over Howard. He said that was the ''Dice'' portion and not the ''Andrew'' part of the interview.
Jon brought up the Hot Tub Johnny thing and wondered what was going on there. Gary said that he spoke to Dice back when he was getting friendly with the show again. He said that Dice won't give hi ma straight answer on or off the air about what happened there.
Sal said he went to Jason and asked him for some information on Obama and McCain's policies since he the political guy in the office. Sal said he thinks he's going to vote for Obama based on the information that Jason gave him.
Sal said that he learned a lot about McCain and Obama so Jon and Gary asked him about what he learned. Sal knew what Jason told him but that was pretty limited. Sal said that from what he learned yesterday, most people are voting based on race.
Jon asked Sal about the ''race'' comments Sal was saying this morning. Sal said that he finds it funny that this Presidential race is based on ''race'' and that's what he was talking about.
Sal said that he thinks they should give like 6 months of Obama and 6 months of McCain and see who can do the best in that 6 months. He said it would be like an American Idol thing. Sal said that we live in a world of political bullshitters and they need to just let the guy show us what he can do before they let him stay there for 4 years.
Jon asked Sal who he was going to vote for before he did those interviews. Sal said he wasn't going to vote for anyone. He said that he just registered to vote this week.
Ralph called in and said that Sal's bit was brilliant. Ralph was also saying that Dice was great on the show today. Gary agreed and thought he was very good today.
Jon asked how Dice and Artie are getting along. Ralph thought Artie was kind of quiet today. Benjy said that Artie was interacting visually today. He was cracking up a lot and Dice was staring at him a lot in a performance type of way.
Jon let Ralph go after that. Gary reminded Ralph that he has to come in after they ''get back'' (from vacation I suppose) to do a bit on the show. He said it's a bit to find out who knows Howard the best. He said that everyone is going to have an area that they'll specialize in so it should be good.
A caller said that he thinks Hendrix is the best of all time. He was also saying that Cream was a great band too and Clapton was great with them but then he turned into the slow hand once he went out on his own. The caller said that he thinks that Howard was referring to that stuff when he brought all of that up.
The caller brought up this guy Trey from the band Phish who is a great guitar player. Gary had never heard of him. Jon said that this was turning into Rockline.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's impossible to say who is the best guitar player out there. He said that Hendrix is the most innovative out there but time passes. He said that Clapton is playing blues now and it's impossible to say who is better. The guy said that Journey gets ripped a lot but they were great before Steve Perry joined the band. He gave them a history of those albums and how great they were. He said the original guitar player was phenomenal.
Sal asked the guy if he really had to stop him for all of that shit. He said that's all garbage. Jon took another call from a guy who said that he knows that Sal seems to be racist on the show but he thinks that there are just a lot of dumb people out there who follow a fad. He said that's why all of these people are following Obama. Gary said he thinks that he's right about the people voting for Obama just because he's black. The guy was trying to explain where he's from but Jon had to cut him off because they were running out of time.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks the election is coming down to race. Sal said that he does think that it is. He said that he was done with that bit in about 20 minutes because he got what he needed so quickly. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show asking Fred about that Bon Jovi song that just played. Fred said he thinks it was back at the old place that they did that.
Howard said he's been reading about McCain falling in the polls and how stupid it was to pick Sarah Palin as his running mate. Howard said he was seriously on the fence about who to vote for an now he just can't vote for Palin. He said it would be the end of society as we know it.
Howard said that they did a transcription of what they asked Palin in the Katie Couric interview. He said that it makes her sound like JD in the transcripts that Wolfe has done. He read through the transcript and Palin doesn't make any sense at all. Howard played the audio clip of her giving her nonsense answer when she was asked about any supreme court decision that she disagreed with. She wasn't able to come up with an answer.
Howard said it's embarrassing when someone is such a mush brain. He said that he's not anti-women in this comment because she's just not coming across very well in these clips.
Howard said that Palin could have said that she just doesn't get to rule on such things or she didn't remember anything. He said she just makes up answers instead to make it sound like she knows something. He said that Couric asked Palin what newspapers she reads and even that answer was nonsense. He played that clip and Palin goes on and on about how she reads a lot of newspapers but didn't name one. Howard said it was a fluff question and she wasn't even able to answer it.
Fred said that Palin wasn't even able to remember the outcome of a supreme court decision on the Exxon Valdez that she had commented on years ago.
Howard said that Palin could have given such simple answers to those questions. He gave some examples of what she could have said but didn't. Howard said that Palin must not read if she can't remember any of that stuff. Robin said she heard that Palin doesn't like the NY Times.
Howard said that McCain wants to win this thing so bad he let someone else pick Palin for him. Artie said that the debate should be something like ''Name a newspaper'' to see how she does with that.
Howard said that Palin doesn't talk to any other countries like she claims she does. He said that she probably doesn't speak to anyone in Russia or even in Canada.
The guys talked about how much money Palin makes as Governor and how her husband might be worth over a million based on his job as a fisherman.
Howard said he's voting for Obama now that he's heard what Palin has to say. He said that Palin made him swing to the Obama camp.
Robin didn't think that the fishing was making Palin's husband rich but Artie said that there is a lot of money in that job.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard if the black thing ever crosses his mind with Obama. Howard said he doesn't have a bias toward his blackness and he never thinks about that. The only thing he has against Obama is his inexperience. He said the guy is very intelligent and he's a great speaker. He said that he doesn't have a huge voting record and he hasn't proven himself yet.
Howard said that Obama has a brain in his head at least. He said that Bush doesn't have one. Howard said that the guy may not have experience but he could end up being the greatest President ever. Howard said that the guy is half white so black people could say that he's not even black, he's white.
Artie said that pounding the point that he speaks well is kind of wrong. Robin agreed with him on that. Howard said that he's said that Bush speaks like a retarded human being and he was just saying that Obama is very intelligent when he speaks. He wasn't referring to him being black and speaking well, he's just an intelligent man. Howard said he's not coming from that place.
Howard said he's said the same thing about John McCain and Joe Biden. He isn't talking about race. Robin said it's often said about Obama. Robin also said that Howard has said that Obama is a wind bag. Howard said he is a wind bag but he speaks well.
Howard said that Obama had to go through debates and Biden did too. He said that the reason they're asking Palin these questions is because no one knows who the fuck she is. He said they're going to ask her everything they can when they interview her because no one knows where she stands on anything.
Howard said that the guys saw that Palin was hot and they must have been thrown off by that. King asked Howard if he thinks that white people are going to walk into the booths and think that they just can't vote for Obama. Howard said that he thinks that will happen with some people. King thinks that could even happen with some black people.
Howard told King that there's enough white people in the polls who are going to vote for Obama. He told King he has to stop thinking that way. Howard said that Obama already beat all of these whiteys in the primaries. Howard told him that some people will get past that and vote for him.
Howard said that McCain is still losing in the polls because of Palin. He said he doesn't think that McCain even really wants to be President after seeing him pick Palin. Robin said that Rush Limbaugh was apparently pushing for her candidacy all summer long. Howard said that he can't believe that McCain would listen to someone like that.
Howard said that if he were starting out a radio show and he had the choice of Robin or someone new to the business, he's going to pick Robin because he knows she can do the job.
Howard said that he did invite Chris Rock to his wedding but his wife won't let him go so he won't be there. King was saying that his kid goes to the same school as Chris Rock's kids. Howard said he can't believe that a garbage man's kids go to the same school as Chris Rock's. King was goofing on Chris for not having rims on his car and stuff like that.
Howard asked King if he was in Chris rock's house. King said that Chris rented out Central Park Zoo and he went to a party for the kids there. King was talking about Chris' wife and how pretty she is. He said that she comes to the PTA meetings and stuff like that. He said that people are always taking pictures of her and he figured that's what it must be like for Howard.
Howard said that he does have people who come over and start taking pictures of him in his own house. Howard said he has to ask people to stop with that. Howard said it's usually if some dude comes over with a girl and she'll start taking the pictures. He said that it makes him uncomfortable when they do that.
Howard and the guys talked about how great Chris Rock is and how his new HBO special can't beat his first one. Howard said that first special was just so good. That one was called ''Bring the Pain.'' King said that the new one was good but it makes you think too much. Howard said he knows what he means and George Carlin was like that.
Howard said that Dice's first album was a good one too. He said that one you just laughed at. Chris said that he liked some of the stuff in this new Chris Rock special. He said he found some of it distracting the way they went from city to city.
Howard said that the thing that the city to city thing did was show that his act is more canned than you'd like to think it is. He said that you want to think that it's not a canned act but you can't avoid it when you see him doing the same act in every city.
Howard said Chris has a great rapport with the audience and it seems like he's doing it just for that audience. Howard said he's amazed that Chris can memorize an act like that. Artie said that it can become boring when you have that much material and keep doing it over and over. He said it becomes more like a monolog.
Howard said he'd love to have something that he could do that was like being on autopilot. Howard said he thought it was weird that Chris wore 3 different outfits to show which city he was in. Howard said he thought the suits were kind of strange and he had one for Africa, Harlem and London. Howard said that it was like Cher doing her outfit changes. He said he doesn't need that shit.
Howard said that Rick Rubin was the guy who suggested to Chris that he do all of that stuff. Artie said that Rick Rubin produced Dice's 1990 CD and he had him doing different things like going to a comedy club on a Wednesday night, unannounced, and sometimes bombed.
King was yelling at someone to turn down the radio. He said that his friend was sitting in his car playing music loud and it was 6 in the morning. Howard asked him if it was a black guy or a white guy. King just said ''Oh come on...'' Howard said he had to go. King told him he's coming to his wedding. Howard didn't even answer him.
Howard asked the guys which newspapers they read. The two guys answered the question better than Sarah Palin did. Howard asked them some of the other questions that Katie Couric asked Palin. They were actually answering the questions better than Palin. Robin said they qualified for Vice President more than Palin did.
Howard said that he's going to stick with his decision and not goof on Ronnie today. One caller said that he wasn't able to get that ''My Mohegan'' song out of his head this week. Howard said that's why they write songs like that. They want it stuck in your head. Howard ended up playing the song from the commercial.
Howard played some of the other songs that they use in those commercials. Howard said that it's a weird thing to sing about the way they hold the door for you and things like that.
Artie said that he gets pissed when he hears about the nice stuff they build up there at those casinos because it's his money that they're using to build them. Howard played the Mohegan Sun's version of ''Super Freak'' that they use in one of their commercials.
Howard told Robin that she's his black friend and the other black guy will be Beth's black friend. Howard was still singing the Mohegan Sun songs and goofing around with that. Robin said that the people who wrote those songs must be wondering what happened with that stuff.
Howard said that Beth invited Lisa G over to see her dress at their apartment. Howard said that he doesn't want Lisa reporting on his apartment and stuff and hoped that Beth told her that.
Howard took a call from Riley Martin who said that he still loves Howard and Robin. Howard said that it must be negotiation time because they're hearing from Riley. Riley cut him off and said that he deeply apologizes for what he said that Tim said. He said that he may have flew off on Tim and Tim may have flew off on him.
Riley said that he wrote a letter to Mel Karmazin and he was wondering if he could find somewhere to put him on at a decent hour with more time.
Howard cut Riley off and said that Tim came in during a commercial break the other day and asked him if he wanted him on the channels there. Howard said he likes Riley but he's not sure what they can do. Howard said that he told Tim that he'd like to keep him there but Tim can't give him any more money. Howard said he's all for keeping Riley there.
Howard said that Tim told him that they don't have any money for Riley. Riley said that they should tell Tim to stop eating bagels around the clock. Howard said that Riley goes on the air and bad mouths everyone when he's in these negotiations. Riley cut him off again and went on and on about how he would pay him if he loved him.
Riley said that no one has asked him about his broken leg. Howard said he didn't know about his broken leg. Riley said that they should ask his doctor. Riley said that none of them ever said a thing about his leg. Tim said that he tells the time of year based on Riley's negotiations. He said there's Spring, Summer, Riley's negotiations and Winter.
Howard said that Tim was asking him about this and he told Tim that he likes Riley and he's fun. Riley kept interrupting so Howard told him to shut up and listen. Riley stopped for a few seconds but he would cut Howard off.
Tim said that Riley has a show on Monday night at 7 next week. He said that will be a good time for him. Tim said that he has to hang up on Riley when he talks to him because he just goes on and on like he is this morning.
Robin said if they did pay Riley, he would probably end up killing himself with that money. Riley said he spoke out of turn and apologized to him for what he did. Howard asked Tim if he wants to end it with Riley. Tim said he doesn't but Riley isn't reasonable. Howard said that he does work cheap.
Riley said that the Alien told him, 21 years ago... Howard cut him off and told him he doesn't have to give them that shit on this show. Riley went on to tell his story about the person he was told he was going to meet some day. Howard told him he knows there is no alien and so does Riley. Howard didn't want to hear that alien stuff. Robin said that he can't negotiate with that alien B.S.
Howard told Riley that the alien stuff is a waste of time on this show. Howard told Riley that there is no alien that would choose him.
Riley apologized to Tim again and then Tim asked him if he's making money on the stuff he's selling like his piss jugs. Riley said he's barely making by on what he makes. Howard said that it shouldn't matter if he's making money selling that stuff. Howard told Tim that if he gets him 50 more bucks, Riley should be thrilled.
Riley said that the living costs have gone up and he needs more money. Howard told Tim to just give him 50 more dollars and leave it at that. Tim said that he doesn't think he even has that to give him.
Tim said that he's told Riley that he doesn't have the money for him and they've made his job so easy that they can't make it any easier. He said he'd like to keep him but he's very hard to deal with.
Tim said that if they can keep him under the same conditions they have now, that will work. Howard told Riley to go think about it. Riley told them to stick it in their ass if that's all they have for him. Howard figured he'd be back.
Riley said that if Robin is out of his life forever, he will send her $200. Tim asked Riley if he will continue his show. Riley said he will do it until the end of his contract in November. Riley told them that they were back stabbing bitch asses. Howard thanked him for that and said he's looking forward to his show next week.
Riley gave Howard a big ''fuck you with a big dick'' as he was saying good bye. Howard said that he tried to get him more money but it didn't work. Riley said that they just came up with 7 figures for people there and they can't even give him 50 bucks. Riley gave Howard his blessings and said a few words to Robin. Howard let him go after that.
Howard played a song parody with Riley Martin audio clips in it where he's singing ''I Want More Money.'' They listened to the whole song and then played a prank call the guys made with some Riley audio clips.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said if Riley wants more money they should make a Real Doll out of him and let him get fucked in the ass. Fred said he'd rather deal with him than the real Riley.
Howard said he was going to take a break there and then have Yucko the Clown come in. Howard said that Yucko called asking Will to have him call him off the air. Will said that Yucko was on the verge of tears when he called and asked for that. Artie said that he's heard from Yucko off the air too and he was on the verge of tears there too. He said that he didn't want to give them all of the details because Yucko probably wants to do that on the air. They went to break after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said that Yucko is on the verge of crying out there. Howard said he heard that. He asked if Lisa has ever seen Yucko out of his make up. She said that she has and he's a good looking guy. She said that's not for her though because he's a sad clown. Artie said he heard that Lisa is anti-gentile. Lisa said that's not true.
Howard said that someone asked him about Lisa going to his apartment and asked if he was creeped out by that. Fred said that he was thinking just one thing when he heard about that... Single White Female. Howard said that Beth is the weak link in the whole thing. He said that Beth wanted to show it to Lisa after she heard her saying she wanted to see it before the wedding.
Howard said he doesn't need Lisa going to the apartment and taking notes. Robin told Howard that he may have to move. Howard said he's really not comfortable with this and he wants to call an end to it. He said he just got a note saying that Lisa is only going there for work and not for personal reasons. Howard said he doesn't want her going there because he knows it's going to turn into a weird thing. Lisa told him he's being ridiculous.
Howard said that he doesn't want Lisa commenting on anything he does at home. Lisa said she won't say a word. Robin said that Lisa is going to be an authority on Howard in the future after she's been there. Lisa said that she doesn't get why they think this of her.
Howard asked Lisa to get to her news. She said they have a new cupcake coming from Crumbs bakery and the proceeds are going to Life Beat. Artie said that was his charity until they took it away from him. He said that's bullshit and he's going to find another charity to give to.
Howard got a note that said Lisa cried when she got the e-mail from Beth. Lisa said that it was very nice that Beth did that.
Lisa said that the new cupcake is going to be chocolate and peanut butter with peanut butter cream cheese filling. They'll have some versions of it next week for Gary to try out. Artie said it's not even close to the Artie Lange cupcake.
Lisa said that Richard Christy has started his Halloween blog on his Myspace page. He is writing about his haunted house visits and even going back in time to when he was 10. Artie wondered who the fuck they're working with there. Howard said it's like he's 4 years old.
Yucko said that he was going through a tough time at the time and he wanted to talk to Howard about the divorce stuff. Yucko said that he was going through that and he wanted to talk to someone who has gone though it. Howard said that he didn't get divorced after a week though.
Howard said that Richie Wilson said he has crying messages from Yucko. Yucko said that he is a real human under the costume and he does have feelings. He said that his wife, Nicole, jerked him around and through the ringer.
Yucko brought in a letter that his wife wrote to him before the wedding. Howard read through that letter and she sounded like she thought the marriage was going to work out. Yucko said was the week before the wedding and then she jerked him around through the whole thing.
Howard asked Yucko if he wanted to have a real conversation. Yucko said he was fine with that. He said he wanted to ask Howard how he got through this shit. Yucko said he's trying to pick up the pieces and move on with his life.
Howard told Yucko that this broad was jerking him around before they married. He said that Yucko has to have some self esteem and get over this. He asked him why he wanted to be married so bad. Yucko said he was in love with her. He said the shit didn't work out and now he's ready to move on.
Yucko said that he felt like he was in the room with a stranger when he'd go home. He said that she would tell him that she loved him but she wasn't ''in love'' with him and that kind of shit just wasn't cool.
Yucko said that he was trying to move on and honked his horn when he said that. Howard told him not to honk his horn in a serious conversation. Yucko asked Howard if he still loves Alison. Howard said he does still love her but he's not in love with her.
Artie told Yucko that it's not the same thing as his marriage because Howard was married for 20 years and had 3 kids. Howard told Yucko that he has to get a grip on reality. Yucko said that he was married for 2 months and they only had a couple of good days in that 2 months.
Howard asked Yucko what he's doing now that he's divorced. Yucko said he's writing new material and stuff. He said that he fell in love with this girl and she used to tell him how much she liked the ring he got her. She was loving every minute of it until something changed. He said he gets that people change now.
Robin asked Howard what age people should get married. Howard said they should be in their 30s. He said that women at Yucko's wife's age, 27, aren't ready. Yucko was married in May and filed for divorce in July.
Yucko said that he lost 23 pounds because he wasn't able to sleep or eat while all of that was going on. Howard said he heard about that from Will and he didn't know what to say to him on the phone. Artie said it sounds like he lost weight from AIDS. Yucko told Artie he could lose a few pounds.
Howard said he wouldn't know what to say to Yucko about something like this. Yucko said he just wanted to tell Howard what was going on in his life at the time. Now he just wants to pick up the pieces and move on.
Howard asked Yucko about what happened while they were still married. Yucko said that Nicole didn't want to be around him anymore and he would go out and see movies and stuff by himself. He said that Nicole didn't want him to be around her in the house so he was sleeping in the car and in friend's houses and stuff.
Howard asked Yucko what he loved about his wife. Yucko said that she was funny, beautiful and fun to be around. He said that he was just head over heels for her. He said he felt like he found the one and he wanted to be around her the rest of his life.
Howard asked him what made him file for divorce. Yucko said he couldn't take the pain anymore, it fuckin' sucked. He said that they still talk once in a while. Artie said it must be nice. He asked him what they talk about. Yucko said they're working some stuff out because they have a car in both of their names and stuff like that.
Yucko said that Levy's fight lasted longer than his wedding. He said that people were disappointed in the whole wedding mess. They still have their wedding gifts in the guest room at their house. Howard said that Yucko should have known that she was going to bail on him when she almost backed out on the wedding.
Artie asked where the 500 was that he gave them for their wedding. Yucko said he'd give it back if he wants. Howard said he didn't send him anything because he knew that the marriage wouldn't last. Yucko said that he thought they were in love. He said he has a new policy. He said he's just going to fuck the waitresses from now on, not marry them.
Howard said that a lot of guys were telling Yucko that she wasn't into him. Yucko said that maybe she should have married Craig Gass instead. Yucko said that she had never heard of him before she met him so it wasn't like she was a stalker or something.
Howard asked Yucko what it was like when he went to out to see Iron Man by himself and then went home. Yucko said that she just didn't want to be around him. He said that all of the love was out of the room by that point. He said that he could probably count the number of times they had sex on one hand. He said that they went on a honeymoon and did it there a few times. He said that he didn't fuck her for about a week after the wedding.
Yucko said that she wasn't attracted to him anymore by that time. He said that he thinks that they consummated their wedding out in St. Louis or some shit. He said that they didn't do it that many more times after that.
Howard asked Yucko if he was really in love or was it that he just liked that he had found a hot chick that really liked him. Yucko said that could have been part of it because high school was pretty rough.
Howard asked Yucko if Nicole was his first real girlfriend. Yucko said he wouldn't say that. He said that he had other girlfriends and lived with other women. Yucko said that it wasn't like that.
Yucko's partner Waco called in and said that the thing that Yucko doesn't want to say is that this broad is fuckin' nuts. Howard said that this girl was telling Yucko that she didn't want to get married ahead of time. Waco said that's what she said on the air but not off the air. Waco said that Yucko had already spent 10 grand on the wedding and he told him that it might not work out but he might as well go through with it.
Howard asked why Yucko is still paying her car bills. Waco said that she won't pay her own bills and the car is in both of their names so he doesn't want to ruin his credit. Waco went off on her calling her names before Howard let him go.
One caller asked Gary to help Yucko make a video tape to get Nicole back. Gary said he would do that. Gary said he was only 25 at the time and not a 40 year old loser clown. Gary said that he actually feels bad for Yucko. Yucko said he didn't come in there to get sympathy.
Yucko said that he bought a time share in Maui with some of the wedding money. He said they bought it on the Honeymoon. He said that Nicole talked him into it at the time. Yucko said that he's never going to go back to Maui. He said that she'll be there but he won't. He said that it's going to cost him like $70,000 when it's all paid off. It's got like 18 percent interest on the loan too.
Gary asked Yucko if his wedding was one of those free deals where they have to sit through a meeting. Yucko said that's not what it was. Yucko said that when Gary was over in Afghanistan and they told everyone to get in the choppers, everyone tried to jump on Gary's teeth.
Howard gave Yucko some plugs for some upcoming appearances he has. He's going to be on Howard TV for the Wack Pack at the Christy's special that's coming later this month. Howard had some clips from that show to play. He had the Howard TV guys play that clip. In the clip Gary the Retard and Yucko were goofing around calling each other retards.
They had another clip where everyone went to Taco Tico. They were all ordering their food and Yucko ordered saying ''I'll have the salmonella with a side of botulism.'' Then Gary the Retard was choking on his food and Richard Christy was laughing at him. Howard said that in the video the visual is so funny because Richard is being slapped around by Gary the Retard.
Howard said that you can find out more about what Yucko is up to at DamnShow.com.
Howard took a call from Bozo the clown (Richard) who said he was fucking Yucko's ex right then. He had some porn clips he was playing. Howard said he liked Yucko's ex-wife and he also likes Yucko. Artie said that Yucko is going to be with him on October 18th in Pittsburgh and on New Year's Eve at the Meadowlands. Artie said that he forgot that he wasn't actually on those gigs, he just wanted to plug the gigs. Yucko called him a fat tub of shit.
Yucko said that he got a call from Artie where he was crying about the Foxwoods gig. He said that he was crying about how everyone has their demons and stuff. Artie said he didn't want to talk about their phone calls and he was opening up a can of worms with that shit. Yucko told him to open up a can of Slim-Fast and drink it. Howard had to wrap up a short time later. They went to break after that.
During the break Howard said that he really felt bad for Yucko and he should have taken his call. He said he walked out of there with his mask off and he's never done that before.
Howard had Jon Favreau on the phone after that. He said that the movie Iron Man made $570 million worldwide and it was just released on DVD. Jon said that it cost about $140 million to make. Howard asked him about this DVD he got that's in Anamorphic format. Jon tried explaining it to Howard and he seemed to get it.
Howard asked Jon about this contract he signed to do the movie and how they didn't sign him to do the second one. Jon said that things change all the time anyway so he can go back and renegotiate even though they didn't sign him to the second one. He said that he has signed on to do the second one now.
Howard figured they must have come up with a boat load of money for him on this one. Jon said that he was told that he wasn't being very professional the last time he was on talking about that stuff so he wasn't going to talk about that.
Howard asked Jon about the DVD deal he had and how that all worked. Jon said that they have a pool of money that everyone shares in. He said that's a deal that they weren't able to change.
Howard asked Jon about who is writing the new movie and who he had in mind for the part of Tony Stark in the first Iron Man. Jon said that they had people's names who were brought up, but didn't necessarily try out, like Clive Owen, Sam Rockwell and others. He said that Downey just seemed like the right guy. He said that they probably got him cheap on that one. He probably got a good deal on the second one though.
Jon said that Robert Downey Jr. signed on to do Sherlock Holmes with Guy Richie. Howard said that's a huge mistake. Robin figured that Guy was going to ruin that one.
Howard asked Jon about this second Iron Man and what they're going to be doing in that. Jon said they have some new characters that they're bringing in. He said that they have some of Iron Man's friends. Howard said he knows a lot about Superman and Batman but not as much about Iron Man.
Jon quizzed Howard on some Superman stuff and then some Batman stuff. Howard knew a lot of the stuff. He asked Jon why he doesn't ever have him in any of his movies. Jon asked him what he would like to play. Howard said he'd like to know what he has available. Howard asked why none of these directors ever ask him to do their movies because he does have a built in audience.
Jon said that he thinks that they should work out a way to get him into the movie. Howard said he doesn't want to be himself and he doesn't want a cameo. Jon said that he has only seen Howard play himself. Howard said he wants to do a role that's not him.
Howard asked if he could be Mandarin in Iron Man. Jon thought that they might get some negative feedback if he played an Asian guy. Howard told him how he was going to play the part and did an impression of an Asian guy.
Howard said he's going to watch the Iron Man DVD this weekend and he is going to checkout the bonus stuff. Jon told Artie that he's going to be making some more money soon now that the Blu-Ray discs are coming out. Anything that Artie was in will bring in new residuals.
Jon said that he thinks that Artie can pull himself together now that he's been sober for 15 days now. Jon said that Downey was able to clean himself up and he thinks that Artie can do it too. Howard said that Jon had the balls to put Downey in his movie after all of the stuff he went through.
Jon said that he knows that a lot of people love Artie and they're all praying for him. Artie thanked him for that and said that Jon has always been nice to him.
Ralph called in and said that he didn't get the helmet that Jon was supposed to send him. He told Howard that he loves the behind the scenes stuff they did on the DVD. He said that Jon was involved in so much of the movie and it showed he cared a lot about it. Ralph said that Jon had no idea how great it was going to be though.
Jon said that he liked Yucko the Clown's review of the movie too. He said he was able to enjoy it even though he was going through all of that divorce stuff.
Jon said that they made great money with Iron Man but the Dark Knight did like twice as good. Jon said that he thinks it's going to get a lot of nominations. Howard said that this Iron Man DVD came out pretty quick and he still can't get a copy of the Hulk. Jon said that this weekend is a strong week for DVD releases.
Howard asked Jon what he does with all of this money he made on this movie. He asked if he's investing in real estate and stuff. Jon ended up talking about how well Donald Trump did doing that.
Jon said that he gets a lot of feedback about the movie from the fans out there. He said that he checks out other web sites and also has a Myspace page where people can leave their feedback.
Robin asked if they're planning on doing some big movie with all of these characters in it. Jon said that they are working toward doing The Avengers eventually.
Howard said that he wants to get a copy of The Hulk but he can't seem to get a clean copy. Jon said that he'll try to get him one but it may not be a pristine copy. Howard said that he wants to see a pristine copy.
Howard asked Jon if he ever banged Famke Janson. Jon said that he didn't. He said he was in love with her but she wasn't in love with him.
Howard told Jon he's happy he still calls in even though he's a big shot now. He asked him who he's going to vote for in the election. Jon said that he would have voted for McCain but now he's not sure he wants Palin to be President if something happens to McCain. Howard said that he thinks it's a bone head move and he doesn't really want to be President.
Jon said that McCain might just get into office and nuke Vietnam and then quit. Jon also said he thinks that there are some issues with Obama and things are going to change if he gets elected. He said that taxes are going to go up and he's not looking forward to that. He said that he thinks that we can't go wrong with either guy if they get elected. Ralph asked Jon how long the suit took to make. He wanted to get back to the good shit.
Howard let Ralph go and gave Jon some more plugs for the Iron Man DVD. Jon said that he's been listening to the show since high school and he loves hearing them talking about this movie in such a positive way. He thanked Howard for having him on.
Howard said that he would like to play Mandarin in this movie. Jon said that he'll negotiate off the air and they'll come up with something for him. Howard let him go after that. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Cassia about the new tattoo on her arm. He told her to slow down with that stuff. She said that it was a little bigger than she thought it was going to be.
Howard said that he was on her site checking out her boobs but wasn't seeing much vagina. He said that in the video she shows plenty of it though.
Howard told Cassia about this game they were going to play with her. He said they have some Mexican food delivery guys coming in and he's going to give her plugs for every guy she can get to turn down his tip for the chance to see her naked.
Artie asked if Cassia has been on the show before. She said that she's been on 4 times and it's like family to her now. Howard said that Cassia is dating the singer Everlast. Howard asked what he's up to these days. She said that he sent along a new CD with her. Artie remembered that he was in that band that sang ''Jump Around.''
Howard asked Cassia how she met Everlast. She said that she met him out one night and they ended up banging on the second night they went out. She said that they were off and on over the first 5 years of their relationship and she dated some other guys. She said that she hasn't done any other guys for a long time now.
Howard said he saw that Cassia does women in the videos on her site so he asked her if she brings chicks home. She said she did that once but she didn't let Everlast do anything to her. Cassia said that she did stuff to the other chick. She said she picked a chick that wasn't as hot as her so he wouldn't be that interested in her.
Howard asked Cassia if she was living with Everlast after all of this time. She said she wasn't going to give out that information.
Howard read that Cassia likes to be choked during sex. He said he doesn't get that and wondered what it's about. She said she likes to be choked to the point that she almost passes out. She said that the last time she did that was probably 3 years ago though. Robin figured it was Everlast who did it. Cassia said that she gets really turned on when she's choked like that.
Howard said that this game is sponsored by Howard TV's new show ''The Ronnie Mund Show.'' Howard asked Cassia if she wanted to be dressed and he'd have her undress in front of the guys. She said that she has a super hot bra and panties on today too. She claims that her boobs are real. Artie didn't remember her and he couldn't believe that he could forget this chick.
Howard said that he was going to get to the game and bring in the first delivery guy. He told Cassia he was going to tell the guy he was going to either give him a tip or let him squeeze her tits or something like that. Cassia said that she was fine with just about anything as long as it wasn't too aggressive.
Howard had the guys bring in the first delivery guy. He was only 19 years old and said he had been a delivery guy for 5 months. Howard told him what they were doing there while an interpreter filled him in. Howard told him he could give him a $20 tip or he could do something with Cassia. He had her take her clothes off and the delivery guy, Mario, took a look at her. Artie said that she was the hottest chick he had ever seen.
Howard asked Mario if this was the hottest chick he had ever seen. He said yes to that. Howard told him he could take the $20 tip or he can touch her arm. Mario said he would touch her arm. Howard then asked Mario if he would rather have a $50 tip or she'll get completely naked in front of him. Mario picked the naked option. Then Howard said that he had a $150 tip for him. He said that he would give him that or he would get her naked, then let Mario feel her titties and spank her ass. Mario said ''For real?'' Howard said that of course it's for real. Mario picked the chance to feel her up and spank her.
Howard asked if he bumped it up to $200 or the spanking and naked titties. Mario still stuck with Cassia and didn't take the tip.
Cassia took off her top and Mario went right in for the touch. Howard told him to hold off for a second. Artie yelled out ''Policia Policia!''
Howard asked Mario what he would do to her. Mario said that she was pretty. Howard had her take off her pants and she did that, revealing her shaved area. the guys asked Mario if all of the girls he's had have a lot of hair down there. Mario said yes to that but he also said that he's had about 15 women and he's only 19 years old.
Howard said that it was time for Mario to collect part of his prize. He told him that he could touch her titties gently. Mario went in for the touch and felt her up. Cassia said she felt like such a piece of meat right then. She said that she's never felt more like a piece of a meat before even though she does model nude.
Howard asked Mario if he would marry Cassia. Of course he said he would. Howard told Mario that he could spank her now. Mario gave her a good couple of whacks. It sounded like he was beating her. Cassia said that the third one really hurt. She let him hit her like 5 times. Howard told her that she's the hottest chick. Howard gave Mario $200 and let him go.
Cassia said that she had lost 20 pounds since the last time she was on. Howard asked her if she saw the look of love on that guy's face. Cassia said that he was kind of scaring her a little bit.
Howard said he owed Cassia some more plugs. Artie asked if he could feel her tits again because he forgot what they were like. Cassia said that he does that every single time.
Howard said that Everlast can't let this girl go. He said that she's the best. Howard asked Cassia about the woman she brought home to Everlast. Cassia said that she brought this chick home and they went and had some drinks and they got into the hot tub. She said that he knew that she was going to do this ahead of time.
Cassia asked Howard to stop saying his name because she was going to get into trouble for talking about this. Howard said he'd call him Jimmy Buffet instead.
Cassia told Howard that she was the one who made the moves on the other chick and then he made his move on her while she was busy with the other chick. Howard asked if he was beating off or did he enter her. She said that he did enter her while she was eating the other chick out. Cassia said she won't make a habit out of it.
Howard had the second delivery guy come in after that. That guy came in and said that she was pretty. Cassia didn't think that she was his type. Howard asked the guy if he was married or single. He was single. Howard found out he got laid about a month ago.
Howard offered the guy a tip of $50 or he can play with this girl's titties. The delivery guy picked the titties. Howard then offered the guy a $100 tip or the chance to feel her tits and then rub her ass. The delivery guy picked her tits and ass. Howard made him one last offer of $200 or play with her tits, touch her ass and smack that ass. The guy picked Cassia again.
Howard asked the guy if this is the hottest chick he's ever seen. The guy said she wasn't so Howard anted to know who was hotter. The delivery guy didn't really have an answer. Howard told him it was time for him to collect his tip and told him to go up and touch her tits.
The guy's name was Roman. Howard asked him to be gentle. Roman went up and touched her tits and said they were very squishy. Cassia said he was kind of rough. Howard told him to touch her ass but he went in too close to her coochie. She backed off for a second there.
Artie demonstrated to the guy how he should feel her ass. Roman went in and felt it again and said that it was kind of squishy to him. Then Roman got to spank her but on the opposite side of what the other guy did. Roman was hitting her and Cassia was telling him to hit her harder.
Howard said that he was going to give Roman $200 for playing the game and let him go. Howard thanked Ramone for coming in and interpreting. Howard told Cassia that she's amazing because he's never seen guys turn down $200 for something like that.
Howard told Cassia she deserves a great plug. He gave her plugs for her web site and Myspace page. He said that was an amazing game. Artie asked if he cold play. Howard asked him if he wanted a blow job from Cassia. She said that she wasn't going to do that but Artie as ready to get it.
Howard asked Cassia if any guys have offered her money for sex. She said that she hasn't had offers but they do want to have sex with her. She said that no one has bought her a car or anything for sex. Howard asked her what Everlast has gotten for her. She didn't remember anything. Howard wrapped up with Cassia a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that Bob Levy had a great idea to have Riley come in and do a Deal or No Deal thing with his negotiations. they could have Riley win less or more than what he's making now. Howard liked that idea.
Howard said that Paris Hilton has a new song out and he's wondering who put the money up for that. He played the song which wasn't much different than Britney Spears and people like that. Howard said he's not even sure that's Paris singing the song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what that chick was doing with Everlast. Howard said they don't even know that guy so they can't comment on him. Howard said he gets the same way with hot chicks and wonders what they're doing with the guys they're with. He said that he always thinks the guys are such douche bags.
The caller said that Everlast covered a Johnny Cash song and ruined it. The guy was also wondering how often he makes Cassia listen to ''Jump Around'' every day. He figured it was like 26 times.
Howard said he heard that Artie hired some chick to be his assistant and he's in love with her. Artie said that she doesn't even live in the state and it's just a part time thing. He said that things are way too complicated and he isn't dating her. He said that she can't leave the other state because she has kids and stuff. Artie said that she's not really his assistant. He said that she just gets his e-mail and reads it to him on the phone.
Artie said that this chick doesn't like him that way and he doesn't have a shot with her. Howard asked Artie if he's ever made out with that chick. Artie said he hasn't. He said it's not that bad when she's in another state and it's not torture or anything for him.
Artie said that Dana is like his guardian angel and he gives her props in his book because he wouldn't have made Beer League without her.
Howard asked Artie if he ever had this chick ask him to get in bed with her but not let him fuck her. Howard said he had a chick do that to him. He said that she let him get into bed with her and cuddle with her, while she was naked, but she wouldn't let him fuck her. Howard said that's not a cool thing to do to a guy. He said that chick is the size of 3 houses now.
Artie said he has other candidates for his assistant. He said his life is a mess.
Howard said he could listen to that song for a while but he had to get Steve Langford in there. Steve came in and said they have a story about Steve Brandano and Jared Fox yelling at each other after the show. Steve tried to interview the two of them but Jared wasn't speaking. Now Steve Brandano hates Steve Langford more than he hates Jared.
Howard said he had tape of Steve yelling at Jared. He said that he heard that Jared dragged Steve into the green room and worked it out for like an hour. Steve stood outside waiting for them to finish and when they came out Steve went off on Langford. Steve B came in and said that he was just reminded how much he hates Langford after that.
Howard said that Steve B had a girlfriend and Langford did something that upset him. Steve B said that he had gotten tickets for a concert with Richard Christy. He said that Langford wanted to cover the story but his date didn't want to be interviewed. He said that he told Langford not to interview her and the first thing he did was put a microphone in her face.
Langford said that he was told that Steve didn't want him to interview her after he interviewed her. Steve said it's been a couple of years since it went down and there's nothing wrong with asking people questions. Steve B said that he was bending over backwards to give him a story and he screwed him over. Langford said that he's no star and he wasn't giving him a big story.
Jason came in and said that Langford was being an asshole that night. Jason said that he likes Langford but he was an asshole that night. He explained how Langford was badgering the girl and she had to go back up to her hotel room because Langford wouldn't leave her alone.
Steve B said that Langford asked them not to have this girl on who claimed he had a big penis. Steve said he would never tell the show what to do.
Howard asked Steve B what he and Jared spoke about in the green room for an hour. Steve said that it was about 30 minutes of them hashing stuff out.
Langford said that they were screaming in the green room and the whole office heard everything. Steve B said that he and Jared worked things out and they're all good, but he's still on JD's side. He said that Jared was very professional and they're both going to change the way they act toward each other there in the office.
Howard asked when JD and Jared are going to sit down and work out their differences. Steve B said that he wouldn't hold his breath on that.
JD came in and said that Jared is the type of person he prefers not to deal with and he's not going to work things out with him. Howard said he heard that Jared wanted to work things out with him but JD has refused. JD said ''Whatever..'' and said that he doesn't want to talk about this guy anymore. He'd prefer to have them drop the whole thing.
Howard didn't want to drop it. He asked Jared to come in and tell them what's going on. Howard asked JD if he would go into the green room to talk to Jared for 5 minutes. JD said he's fine with not having him as a friend or whatever. JD said that it's not about Jared, it's all about him. JD said that Steve is a better man than he is.
Howard said that they're going to have JD handcuffed to Jared for 24 hours. JD said that we'll see about that. He said he's really not motivated by money and he's not interested in making Jared any richer either.
Jared came in and said that he and Steve worked things out yesterday after he heard Steve talking about him on the air the other day. He said that he's going to try and change the way he acts with the people in the office after hearing what Steve had to say.
Jared said that he thinks it would take a lot longer than a half hour to work through his problems with JD. JD asked what they were doing to him and didn't have any desire to work things out with him. Howard asked JD to look at Jared, in his eyes, and talk to the guy.
JD said that he was back in Richard's office and Richard said ''Hey! Jared my man!'' and Jared responded with ''Hey! Richard my man... and JD NOT my man.'' Howard said he was probably just kidding. JD said he wasn't kidding.
JD said that people can have differences and there's no reason to get into a room to talk about it. Jared said that he was friends with JD before all of this happened. Fred asked JD if he really liked Jared before this ''break up'' or if he was just tolerating him. Howard asked Fred how he got into this. He asked Jared to say to JD what he would say off the air.
Jared said that he enjoyed being friends with JD and he'd like to move forward and fix this. JD said that he think that they're better off not being friends and he would prefer to keep it that way. Jared asked him what it was that really upset him because Steve was able to give him an example.
JD said that Steve voiced the stuff that pretty much... whatever. He didn't finish his thought. Howard said that Jared was working his way through this whole thing but JD wasn't trying. Howard said that what Jared said was moving and he was going to let JD respond to it. JD said that he thinks that they're better off just dealing with each other as professional workers and not friends.
Jared wanted to know what it was that set him off though. He said he'd like to know exactly what that was. JD said that he finds Jared very arrogant and he doesn't like dealing with those kind of people. He said he'd prefer not to be friends and just be co-workers.
Jared wanted an example of what he did but JD said that maybe he corrected it but... whatever. He said he's moved on and just wants to move on from all of this. He said he has enough friends.
Howard told JD that he and Jared can do this 24 hour thing with the two of them. Jared asked if JD agreed to do it. Howard said he thinks that JD will do it. Gary said they have a bonus $1000 to give the guys if they can make it through the whole 24 hours.
Howard asked Jared when he last got some pussy. Jared said he got laid last night. He said he's seeing someone right now and she is very attractive. He said she's a nice Jewish girl. JD said ''good for him.'' JD said that he can bang as many chicks as he wants, he doesn't care. Artie said that he is banging as many as he wants and laughed at JD.
Artie said that Jared introduced him to one of the hottest chick he's ever met. Howard said that Jared introduces hot chicks to guys all the time. He said it's like the peace pipe but it's actually ''peace pussy.''
Ralph said that this shows how great a guy Jared really is because he's trying to be friendly toward JD even though JD hates him for no reason.
Howard asked Jared if it was true that he banged a Penthouse pet. JD said he didn't care about that. He said that Jared was lying to him half the time he would tell them that he was banging chicks anyway. Jared said that they would joke around about some stuff back in the office.
Howard said he heard that it ruined JD's weekend when he found out that Jared had banged a Penthouse Pet. JD said that's not true.
Howard said he likes that Jared came in and tried to make up with JD. JD said that Jared is fine, he's the one with the problem, not Jared. JD said that he's fine with the way he is... sort of.
Howard asked JD if he wanted to go over and shake Jared's hand. JD said he just wanted to get out of there. Howard said that Jared has a really great, manly handshake. JD left and gave Howard the finger as he was leaving. Howard said he could listen to that all day. He and Fred did impressions of JD and goofed on him a little bit. Artie said that it's like watching Superman around Kryptonite but JD isn't anything like Superman.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today on the show.
Howard got Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line. Mutt said they have 5 female fans coming in to talk about the show and about Howard's wedding. Next week they'll be talking about the new radios and the new pricing plans that fans will be able to get.
Robin read some news about a TV show that they're going to make about the character Dick Greyson before he became Robin in Batman. She said the show may replace Smallville if they end that show after this season.
Robin had a story about how HIV may be over 100 years old. She had a story about Bret Michaels' show ''Rock of Love'' has been suspended after two kids were killed by a truck related to the show.
Robin read a story about Sandra Bernhard making some comments about Sarah Palin in her act and having to apologize for it. Robin had some Sarah Palin news and read about her and her husband's income. Robin had a story about Heather Locklear going to AA meetings after her arrest the other day.
Robin said that Jack Osbourne is a hero because he took down a mugger the other day. He chased the guy down the street and tackled him. Howard said that's really brave because he sure wouldn't do that. He said he'd run the other way if he saw something like that. He said he'd just toss his wallet over to the guy even if he wasn't being mugged himself.
Robin read a story the other day about a mother who helped her teenage son buy guns that he was going to use to shoot up his school. Artie wondered where these mothers come from. Robin said that there's another story about a mother who drove her son to a skate park where her son killed a boy. She claims she didn't know he was going there to do that.
Robin said that Mayor Bloomberg is looking to do a third term even though he's all for term limits. Howard said he'd like to see him stay in office too but it is kind of odd that he wants to stay in office after being for the term limits thing.
Robin read a story about a teacher who took an underage boy to Mexico to have sex with him. Robin said there's a guy in some city with a sign that says that Obama is a half breed Muslim. He doesn't spell it right though.
Robin said that they're thinking of putting graphic pictures on the side of cigarette cartons to show what happens when you smoke. That led to Robin talking about how there was an anti-smoking commercial on TV when she was eating and they were showing this guy with a hole in his throat from smoking. She said it's a crazy commercial and it's really disturbing. Howard said that what they're really going to do is put Bob Levy on the side of a cigarette carton to show what happens to you when you smoke.
Robin said that film and TV actors are negotiating on their contracts and they may go out on strike. Artie said that he should be getting some big Blu-Ray checks soon. He said he was going to buy a ton of SIRIUS stick at 70 cents a pop. Howard said ''It's up to 70?''
Robin read a story about this pilot that disappeared last year. They found some of his stuff but still not the wreckage of his plane.
Robin read a story about the train crash out in California and how they're saying that he texted a message just 22 seconds before the crash. Howard said it was probably a big smiley face. Robin said that text messaging can be very hazardous to your health.
Robin said that we're losing the battle over in Afghanistan and played a clip of a general talking about what's going on. She had President Bush talking about that as well.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about the passing of the financial bail out plan that was finally approved.
Robin had some audio of Robert Downey Jr. talking about his new role as Sherlock Holmes. Howard said he doesn't care about that character. Robin said that she loves that character. Robin said she likes Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and she thinks that Guy might do well with this movie.
Robin was going to play a clip of the winner of America's Got Talent but Howard hadn't seen it yet so he asked her not to play it.
Robin read a story about Shia LaBeouf injuring himself on the set of Transformers 2. She didn't know what the injury was though. Robin read a story about Leonardo DiCaprio saying that he's available. She said that the band Phish is reuniting. She had a story about how thinner people have a way of eating at buffets that's different than bigger people. Artie said that study was a waste of time. She finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon asked the guys if they were upset that she's banging Everlast. Will and Gary said that they didn't care either way.
Gary said that the second guy in the game barely spoke any English and Cassia was walking toward the guy pinching her nipples and stuff and he had saliva coming out of his mouth. The guys also talked about how much money they were turning down to get the chance to touch her and how long that would take them to make that money.
Jon played a clip from the game where the first guy took the shot at the girl instead of the money. Benjy said that he would have taken the money over the girl. Benjy said that he would love to hear those guys explaining to their family back home what happened to them today. Gary said that it has to be a decent, different day when they walk in there.
Will said that they have deli's calling them to play the game now. He said that they do take those people but they tell them not to let the guys know what's going on. Benjy said he wouldn't take anyone that calls the show because they might know what's going on.
Gary said that the first guy had a look on his face like he wanted to eat Cassia. He said he was spanking her in a way that made her ass jiggle just right too. Benjy said that she seemed to be more into that guy than the second guy.
Jon asked if Artie was wishing he was a delivery guy in that game. Will said that he got to feel her tits even though he didn't have to turn down a tip. Will said that Everlast is cool to let his girlfriend come in there and do this stuff.
They talked about what Cassia does like posing for Penthouse and pictures on the web. She doesn't do porn. Gary said that she's in the world of pornography but not making the graphic movies and stuff like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he worked with some guys like the ones who came in and they're all getting laid, it's not like they don't get laid at all.
Another caller said that the guy who was translating was saying ''pesos'' instead of dollars and that's not the same as dollars. Gary said he's pretty sure that the guys knew what they were talking about.
The caller also mentioned a show on Howard TV where Gary eats chocolates and how great that show was. Gary said that he was flying high eating all of that chocolate that day. He said that he ate like 17 pieces and they had to shoot it all over again because there was a problem with the camera.
Will said that JD was a mess after that conversation today. Gary said he doesn't understand why JD can't just say why he doesn't like Jared. Gary said that he thinks that he'd at least come out and say what it is about him that he doesn't like.
Jon said that JD did say that it was all him and that's just the way he is and that's it. Will said that if JD did try to make up with him it would seem like an act so he's not going to bother. Gary said that if JD had said that, it would have been great. Jon said he just thinks that JD can't articulate that.
JD came in so Gary told him what they were just saying about that. Will repeated what he just said and Gary asked JD why he didn't just say that. JD said that he just doesn't want to talk about any of that.
Jon asked JD why Robin was trying to get under his skin. JD said that he thinks Robin wants to fuck Jared so that's why she does that to him.
Jon asked if Howard had any shot at working things out with them today. JD said that he had no chance and it would have been very awkward if they had gone into a room alone together.
Gary said that he's never been a big fan of Wolfe when he goofs on him but he likes when he hears the transcripts and he can't wait to hear the latest ones in a few days. JD said that's great, he's giving another guy a job.
Gary said he doesn't think that Jared likes being the poster boy for arrogance around there. He said he probably feels upset about that. Will said that Jared was pretty nice and honest today and he seemed like he really was trying to patch things up. JD didn't seem to care.
A caller asked why this matters and said that he thinks that Jared is just an arrogant guy and he wasn't being very genuine today. Gary asked the guy if he listens to the show because they like when JD gets uptight on the show. The caller said he loves that he does.
Bobo called in and said that he liked JD but he thinks that he's jealous of Jared about his looks and stuff like that. Gary sarcastically thanked him for bringing new insight to the conversation. Will asked if Bobo records the phone calls so he can listen to them. Gary said he thinks that he dos and this may not even be a live call. Will said he thinks that he just calls in to hear his own voice on the radio.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that JD said ''whatever'' 17 times today. He asked him if he ever gets tired of that. JD said that he can't help it. JD gave that guy a ''Whatever dude'' and wanted Jon to hang up on him.
The guys talked about how strange Lisa seems to be about the whole wedding thing. Gary said that he thinks that Lisa is in love with Howard and fantasizes about being with him. Gary said that he thinks that she's living in some fantasy world.
Jon brought up Steve Brandano and Jared's discussion. Gary said that he saw Will and Jason with their ears to the wall of the green room trying to hear what was going on. Jon said that he saw Langford with his microphone pointed at the door for the whole 30 minutes that they were in there.
Gary said that what Steve B was saying about Langford trying to interview his girlfriend was wrong. He said that Langford was wrong about that and Brandano had every right to be pissed about that. He said that he wouldn't want someone taping him in a private discussion either.
Brandano came in and said that he understands why Langford was doing it in the office that way. He said they could have taken it outside if they didn't want to be recorded. Brandano said that he will hate Langford for that story about his girlfriend, not for what happened yesterday.
Gary said that it's like Steve is on some kind of on a ''journalistic jihad.'' Langford came in around that time and said that he's sorry to burst Gary's bubble. He said that he wanted to get it right. Steve said he waited outside the door for them to come out and he wasn't running any tape to record them behind closed doors.
Gary said he believed Langford but other people didn't believe it. Will didn't believe it. Steve said that it was a private conversation and he didn't record it. He was just there to correct them on that subject.
Langford said that there were people who could hear them in the green room arguing but he didn't even do that. Brandano said that he's only ''kind of a scumbag'' then.
Jon asked Langford if he has a problem with someone telling him not to do something. Steve kept interrupting him so Jon got pissed and told him to let him finish the fuckin' question. He asked Langford if he thinks that there is news there if he is asked not to talk to someone. Steve was looking for a transcript of that day and didn't really answer that question.
Gary said that Steve was saying that he was standing there with his microphone to record what happened when Steve and Jared came out of the green room. Steve said that he has to be ready at any time to get a story.
Jason came in and said that Steve was a scumbag about Brandano's girlfriend. Langford had to look up his information but no one was giving him a chance to do that.
Gary asked Langford if Brandano asked him ahead of time to not interview his girlfriend. Steve said that he did ask him after he interviewed her. Jason and Brandano said that he was asked before he did it not to do it.
Langford had the transcript from the interview he did with Steve's girlfriend. In the transcript Brandano interrupted him and told him she didn't want to be on the air. Langford said that he stopped asking her after Steve stopped him.
Jason said that he was there and he saw what happened and he knows that he badgered that girl and he's fuckin' lying. Langford said he had the transcripts right there and he didn't do that. Brandano told him that he was clearly wrong and he's an asshole. Jason told him he was clearly lying about this.
Jon had to calm everyone down because they were all talking. He asked Brandano if he asked Steve ahead of time not to talk to his girlfriend. Brandano said he did. Jason backed up that story. Langford insisted that he wasn't asked not to do that.
Benjy asked Steve why he started off with ''do you mind'' when he started to ask the girl questions. He must have known he wasn't supposed to talk to her. Benjy was going off on him about that and ganged up on him with Jason and Brandano.
Jason said that they left for work that day and they met at the hotel. Jason said that Steve is lying about this stuff and he's making stuff up.
Jon said that Steve gets into this mode when he's trying to explain something and he just won't accept anyone else's comments. Gary said that it comes across as an arrogance to people. Steve said that it's factual stuff and he's trying to correct people. Jason said that just because Steve thinks it's a face doesn't mean it's a fact.
Steve said that this stuff never went on the air anyway. Gary said that the question was wether or not Steve respects the other people there. Steve said he was just asking the woman if she was okay with him asking her some questions.
Jon said that Jason is angrier than Brandano was. Jason said he knows what he heard and this is pissing him off. He said that he can't just come up with a transcript and claim that's fact.
Jon asked JD what he thinks about Langford's arrogance. JD said he thinks that he is arrogant in this instance. Jon thanked him for that insight.
Benjy asked Langford if he would get upset if someone was questioning his wife and he asked them to stop, but they kept going. Steve said that this is the Stern Show so of course they're going to do stuff like that.
Kevin Kraft came in and said that he's never been treated so disrespectfully as he has by Steve Langford. He said that he has to sit in a little room where they record their news and Steve will come in and just kill the audio and do his thing. Langford said that Kevin will make noise when he's recording and they've had to ask him to not walk in the studio in the middle of a recording session. Kevin said he has to go in to help out with Bubba's show every Friday morning at 10. Jon cut them off and went to break.
Kevin Kraft said that one day he was in his studio doing his thing and Langford came in waving his arms around. It turns out his headphones weren't working and he fixed it for him. Then Langford's boss came in and asked him not to sabotage Steve anymore. Kevin said that's the kind of guy he is.
Jon moved on and brought up Yucko the Clown. He asked Will what was going on with him. Will said that he usually talks to ''Roger'' off the air and not Yucko. He said that he was really hurt by the whole wedding thing and he was in tears when he called a few times during that. He said that he really wanted to talk to Howard about something and he passed that message along to Howard. He said that he knew that Howard wouldn't talk to him but he passed along the message anyway.
The guys talked about how Howard did seem to feel for Yucko today when he was in. Gary said that they probably could have had him crying if Howard had him one on one. Will said that they had the two of them on the show and tried to talk him out of getting married but he didn't listen to them.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that Yucko's wife is any more at fault than Yucko is. Gary said that they were both at fault but she shouldn't have walked down that aisle. He said that if you know it was a mistake a week later, it should have never happened.
Benjy said that she seemed like a really nice person. Gary said he only saw her in the studio for a half hour, how can he tell? They figured he just wanted to bang her.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Yucko about how many times he banged his wife after the wedding. Jon wondered when you see the signs and realize that something is wrong. Gary said that he knows what it can be like when you feel something slipping away and try to save it. Benjy said that every relationship he's had turns into that.
Shuli came in and said that he was out on the road with them for a while and she really didn't say any of that stuff that she said on the show that day. Shuli said that she did have cold feet but it wasn't like she was attacking him before that day on the show.
The guys spent a short time talking about what Nicole said on the show and how it was different than what she said off the air.
Jon asked if Yucko is going to be alright. Gary said that he thinks that he's getting better but he's still in the healing process. Shuli said that Levy is more of the boot camp kind of guy and he was telling him to go on the air and just call her a cunt and stuff. Yucko isn't like that though, he's more of a laid back guy than that.
Will said that Bob Levy told him the scariest thing today and said that he and his wife want to have a kid soon. Gary said that is scary.
A caller said that Yucko said ''fuck'' 78 times in 18 minutes. He said that they'd better call Guinness to let them know. Shuli said he's staying with Levy so that may be rubbing off on him.
Benjy thinks that Yucko did start crying at one point during the conversation. The guys said that he was upset but Gary said it was hard to tell if he was actually crying.
Gary said that Jon Favreau was lucky he grabbed onto that golden ring of the Iron Man movie. He said it'll probably work out very well for him.
Jon also brought up Arite's new assistant that might not really be an assistant. Gary said that he was saying it was just a temporary thing. He said that he thinks that tis' someone he likes and he just trying to get some things handled. He also thinks that he might have her there to help him because she's attractive and he likes her.
The guys spent a few seconds on the subject of Gary's new cupcake and how Artie was complaining about that today.
Jon took one last call and the guy said that Gary does a great job on the show. He also told him to stop doing the bobble head thing on the Beat the Booey shows. He said a few words to the rest of the guys in there too before they had to end the show. Gary didn't get the bobble head thing that the guy was referring to. Jon said that he thinks that he moves his head when he's reading on the Beat the Booey game show. He's also been told that he's losing his hair. They ended the show a short time later.