Howard caught a glimpse of his old, flabby, cellulite ridden ass on MTV over the weekend. They showed his appearance as Fartman from the 1992 Video Music Awards where his big ass was hanging out of his costume. He says his ass is in much better shape now but they keep showing that clip every year and now his girlfriend's friends always bring that up when they talk to her about dating him. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about going to the gym over vacation and how some half-naked chick wouldn't even speak to him when he asked her a question about where the weight room was since he'd never been there. He said she wouldn't even answer him because she probably thought that he was hitting on her. Meanwhile, she's walking around half naked just begging for attention. Howard said she put on quite a show working out too.
A listener called in and said that Robin was at the U.S. Open on the USA Network over the weekend. The caller said that the USA Network showed Robin on TV and the host of the show asked her a question about Crazy Cabbie that was pretty funny. Robin said the guy asked her if Cabbie would like to see one of the male players take his shirt off.
KC even got to go to the U.S. Open. He said his buddies were making inappropriate noises during the matches and people around them were getting pissed off. KC said they were making fart noises and betting on the games during the matches. Howard said he's glad that KC did that because he's sick of these ''spoiled'' tennis players who need absolute silence when they play. Howard spent a few minutes discussing how the players make those grunting noises when they serve and hit the balls back and forth.
A caller changed subjects and brought up this little league player Danny Almonte from New York who was supposed to be 12 years old. It turns out he was 14 and his parents lied to get him in the league. Howard said he knew the kid was older and he said it on the show before they went on vacation. He said that these parents who do stuff like that to their kids are nuts.
Howard went on a little bit of a rant about President Bush and the stupid things he's done lately. He mentioned the stem cell research thing and the ridiculous vacations that the guy has taken in the short amount of time he's been in office. Howard mentioned a bunch of other things that Bush is doing that really bug him and spent some time talking about them. Robin said Bush apparently makes really stupid statements when he's over in Europe but they don't print any of that stuff over here. She found out about some of that stuff when she was over there during her vacation.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon that was on over the long weekend. Howard said Jerry Lewis is ''frightening'' to look at with his big, fat head and turkey neck. He's also shaking a lot and it's very disturbing. Howard played a clip of Jerry singing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' at the end of the telethon. He always ends up crying but Howard thinks he's crying for himself, not the people with Muscular Dystrophy. Howard also wondered who's going to take over for Jerry when he stops doing the telethon. Howard thinks that Arsenio Hall would be a good replacement for some reason.
Howard spent a short time discussing the death of singer Aaliyah who died while they were on vacation. Howard said he always thought he might be able to hook up with her because she once said that he was ''da bomb'' when she was asked a question about him. Howard said he really did think that he might get together with her at a big Hollywood party someday but now it's too late.
Trent was back on the phone a short time after his cell phone crapped out. Howard asked him a bunch of sports trivia questions and he didn't do all that well. Meanwhile, High Pitch Erik was out in the green room for some reason and he claims he's brilliant at all trivia. Howard let him come in and try to answer some of the sports trivia questions. Howard said he thought Erik was retarded. He wasn't able to answer any of the sports questions. Howard wondered why he was wasting their time. Howard then had a bunch of goof questions that they wrote about Erik himself. Howard asked him things about himself that he was able to answer. Erik claims that he knows a lot about TV and weather but he didn't know the answers to more than one or two questions. He's obviously no expert in any field.
KC said that Erik was looking fatter than ever so they put him on the scale in the studio. He's still 304 pounds like he was the last time they weighed him. He just looked fatter because he's got his head shaved now. KC also pointed out that his toe nails are all green and greasy looking. He said he has to wear sandals because his feet are constantly sweating. Howard said they looked infected to him. Howard kicked him out of the studio a short time later.
Howard's solution is to just kill off the sharks. Howard took a bunch of phone calls from angry people who don't think we have the right to kill off the sharks. Howard said people are always saying that if we kill them off our children's children won't be able to see these creatures. Howard says ''who cares?'' He argued with a couple of the callers but nothing came out of it.
Laurie told Howard about how she's a Playboy lingerie model for the book of Lingerie series that Playboy puts out. She went through her history and how she was supposed to go through law school but changed her mind and got into nude modeling. She said her parents weren't too happy with that and they didn't speak to her for about a year after she told them.
Laurie also told Howard how she used to get hit on by her high school teachers but she never went all the way with any of them. She told him one story about how her hot looking male history teacher hit on her but she thought better of it and didn't let the relationship get that far.
Laurie then told Howard about her first lesbian experience that she had while she was a cheerleader over in Germany. Howard and the rest of the guys were all getting off on the whole story and wanted her to drag it out longer and longer. She said she and the other cheerleader didn't go all the way but there was some touching over the panties going on.
Howard said he was running out of time so he let Laurie plug all of her stuff. She said that she does a lot of woman on woman movies and it's real sex, not put on for the movie. Howard wanted to find out more about these lesbian experiences so he asked her what her best lesbian experience was. Laurie went on to tell Howard about one of her latest experiences down in Miami. She was shooting a movie, not a porno but a real movie, when she met this celebrity who she refused to name. She told the story about how she went out with this woman after the movie shoot just to hang out. It eventually led to the celebrity asking about her lesbian movies. The unnamed celebrity was curious about lesbianism so the two of them went back to a room and got into some sexual stuff. Laurie described the night to everyone and Howard later said he almost had ''an accident'' in his pants while he was thinking about all of this stuff. Laurie said she had a ''very good time'' with this woman when Howard asked her if she had an orgasm. Everyone wanted to know who the celebrity was but she refused to name the other woman.
Howard had to end the interview after about 45 minutes. Laurie said that you can check out nude photos of her on her web site and all of her girl on girl movies are available there. Howard said she was one of the best guests he's had on the show. Her stories were really hot.
Howard then announced the news that Hank the Dwarf died yesterday. Robin had no idea that he'd passed away so it was surprising news to her. Howard said he wants to do a funeral bigger than Aaliyah's recent funeral.
Doug Goodstein from E! was Hank's manager so he came in to tell Howard what he knew about Hank's death. He posted a letter on Hank's web site HankTheDwarf.com saying that he got word from Hank's mother that he died. Howard talked a little bit about Hank's heavy drinking and how he knows why a little person like Hank would drink since you get made fun of just about every day of your life. Doug told Howard that the show was the most important part of his life. Doug also said that he cried a lot after finding out about his death.
Howard said he told a bunch of people about Hank dying and each person told him about their favorite ''Hank Moment'' on the show. The most common favorite moment seems to be the show when Hank got a make-over. Robin said her favorite moment was when Hank went down dressed in a bunny outfit to goof on magician David Blaine while he was in the block of ice. Howard said his favorite Hank moment was at Doug's wedding when he was actually sober and the most boring, polite guy.
Howard said we all knew that Hank would pass away at an early age because of his drinking problem. Hank had talked about having an enlarged liver in the past and he'd been hospitalized multiple times. His last public appearance was this past Sunday with Beetlejuice. He was living life to the fullest right up to the end.
Howard had tape of Hank cutting IDs where he talks about being dead. They had him cut them because they knew he couldn't live that long. Each one started off ''Hey, this is Hank and I'm dead...'' He'd then go on to say something goofy. It was kind of chilling to hear them.
Doug Goodstein said that he's pretty sure that Hank's death was either directly or indirectly caused by his alcoholism even though we don't have an official cause of death yet. Doug went on to tell everyone when he last spoke to Hank and what happened over the weekend. During this part of the show Howard played the ''this is Hank and I'm dead'' clips so Hank is still entertaining us while he's dead. Doug said no one saw anything strange with Hank over the weekend. He was a little tired on Monday after his trip home from his appearance.
Beetlejuice called in to give his thoughts on Hank's death. He said he was sorry to hear the news. He actually seemed to understand that Hank was actually dead. He sounded like he was actually upset and maybe even crying over the news. Unfortunately his phone connection sucked and Howard had a tough time speaking to him. Howard asked Beetle if he'd be willing to give the eulogy for Hank but Beet couldn't hear him for some reason. Howard ended up talking to Beet's manager Sean instead. Sean said that Beet really was depressed after he heard the news about Hank. They had become friendly with each other recently so he really will miss Hank.
Various celebrities called in and told Howard their favorite Hank moments. Jessica Hahn, Tim Stack and High Pitch Erik all called in and gave their condolences during the show.
Howard also sang a version of ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' in remembrance of Hank.
Hank's mother Claudette called in for the first time ever and she let Howard know how much Hank enjoyed doing the show. Howard also let her know how much Hank added to his show over the years. Howard and Claudette said some very nice words to each other and Howard let her get off the phone shortly after she called in. She did say that she didn't want a ''media circus'' around Hank's funeral but Howard said he might do something special on his own.
Mob informant Henry Hill called in quickly this morning. Howard wondered if Henry was still drinking but he says he's been sober 65 days. Henry had been drinking again after getting sober for a while so Gary wondered what happened. Henry said he had a little too much money and his ego took over and he started drinking for a while. Now he's back to being sober. Howard let Henry go when Tom Chiusano came in to talk about Hank.
Tom said a few nice words about Hank and then Howard took a call from Big Foot Matt McGroary who also had a few nice things to say about Hank.
While all of this was going on Howard had a tribute to Hank set up on the street. It was the cardboard cut out of Hank in a pink bunny outfit set up with a candle and some flowers. Howard encouraged people to stop by and drop stuff off but not much was happening with that. One person dropped off a Heineken bottle but there wasn't much else being dropped off.
All this week E! will be airing old shows featuring Hank as a tribute to the little man. Tim Stack also said that Hank's episode of ''Son of the Beach'' will be airing tonight on FX during their ''Son of the Beach'' marathon. The FX network is now available in Manhattan so all of New York City will be able to watch the show.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that Howard is going to go to hell for all of this because of the way they're talking about Hank. Howard told him he was nuts and ended up hanging up on him.
Howard continued his tribute to Hank after that. He had Doug read the letter he posted on HankTheDwarf.com because Doug said that he might cry if he read it. Howard had him read it and it did just fine. Everyone else got a little choked up though.
Howard played more clips of Hank moments from the show and let some people call in and talk about Hank. His best friend Barbara called in and said that Hank was going to be the godfather to her unborn child. He was really looking forward to it and he always talked about it. She sent out her sympathies to Hank's family also.
Howard watched the Hank tribute they had out on the street and said that more and more people were leaving stuff there. Someone left a poem that read ''Roses are red, boats are made of teak, we're going to miss you, you little freak.''
Howard sang ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' again and this time Robin broke out in tears. She was watching the video feed of Hank's tribute and she saw a woman kiss her hand and then touch the Hank poster. That along with Howard's awful singing made her break out in tears.
Howard eventually changed subjects shortly before doing the news segment. He spoke about these shark attacks once again and said there's no reason we shouldn't just kill them all off. He took more calls about the subject like he did on yesterday's show and didn't let up on his opinion.
Some people are taking advantage of the memorial. Gary said that this record company guy Harvey Leeds is putting up posters of the bands he's promoting around the memorial. The Naked Cowboy is out there trying to get on camera as well as a few other people like Joey Boots.
Howard played a quick tribute bit that they threw together. It had Hank yelling at various people telling them to go have sex with their ''mutha'' like he did so well. Howard also had a song parody to the song ''My Way'' called ''Hanks Way'' that was pretty funny.
Howard took a call from a psychic by the name of Petrene who claims that she ''spoke'' to Hank yesterday. She said that, even in death, Hank is still a small person. He still has to suffer as a dwarf even though he's dead. Howard told the psychic that he doesn't believe her and if she's going to make something up like this then she should come up with something that comforts people. Howard thinks that she should make up stories that make death sound better than life, not the same. Petrene also said that Hank wanted to thank Howard for all that he's done. Of course she had a web site to promote... TimeIsMine.com
Howard spoke to High Pitch Erik who was still hanging out at the Hank tribute on the street. Erik said that they had a lot of visitors to the memorial during the night. Craig Gass hung out all night and people like Crazy Cabbie made quick stops at the memorial. He also said that Andy Dick, who won't come on the show anymore, came down to show his respects for Hank. Erik said Andy just said he was sorry to hear about Hank's death.
Marty the Midget called in and said a few words about Hank also. Howard had a theory that Marty may have killed Hank so he could move up the ladder on the popularity list of dwarves. Marty said he's been up in Vancouver for a while now so there's no chance of that being true. Marty was never liked by Hank but he still feels sorry for the guy.
Howard finally changed subjects and moved on to talk about the Anne Hache interview that Barbara Walters did. He had a couple of clips to play and everyone spent some time discussing how wacky Anne is. This led to Howard talking about how he treats a woman in bed.
Howard also had a new Mariah Carey web site message that he played on the air. He and Artie goofed on that for a few minutes.
The Rock said he had a remembrance of meeting the late Hank the Dwarf one time when he was doing an event at the Nassau Coliseum. He said he ran into ''The Hank'' accidentally and Hank told him to go f-himself. The Rock said he just laughed and shook The Hank's hand. Howard was goofing around with The Rock's name so everyone became The-(insert name here). Kendra Jade became The Kendra when she spoke to The Rock. Kendra Jade, who vomited on a guy earlier in the show for the chance to meet The Rock, showed him her tattoo that she has on her ass. She said she's a really big fan of his and that's why she got the tattoo.
Howard told The Rock that The Kendra was the stripper who set up Jerry Springer 4 years ago and ended up in a tabloid magazine. Kendra just wants to forget about that whole thing so she asked Howard not to bring it up anymore.
Howard spoke to The Rock about his movie and how popular he's become in the past few years. Then he brought in a guy Eddie who showed up to meet The Rock. He has the same tattoo that The Rock has on him but Howard didn't think it looked like anything. Apparently Eddie actually chose to be a fan of The Rock over his girlfriend. Howard was blown away by that fact and thought he might be gay or something. Eddie just wants to follow in The Rock's footsteps though. Howard kicked him out shortly after he came in.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about The Rock's life and how he grew up an angry guy. He used to get into a lot of fights as a young man. He also let Howard know that his father and uncle both worked for the McMahon family as wrestlers in the past. The Rock shared his first sexual experience with Howard also. He said he lost his virginity at the age of 14. He was in a park with an 18 year old girl but the cops ended up breaking up the fun. He and the girl had to finish up somewhere else.
Howard took a few quick phone calls for The Rock and plugged his web site TheRock.com before wrapping up the interview. He also let Kendra Jade tell The Rock that she ''wants his strudel.'' We also learned that Kendra has a band called The Stone Movement and you can find out more about them at StoneMovement.com
He said he and his girlfriend had a discussion about what he should call P. Diddy when he called to let him know he couldn't go. Howard wasn't sure if he should call him ''Puffy'', ''P. Diddy'' or something else. HIs girlfriend suggested just calling him Sean. Howard said he just called up and said it was Howard Stern calling and he wasn't going to make the party. That way he wouldn't have to use a name for the guy at all.
Howard killed a few minutes talking about some news stories that interested him before the band Staind came in to perform.
For some reason Crazy Cabbie and comedian Pauly Shore were sitting on the couch in the studio. Cabbie begged to come on the show because he's friendly with the band. They call him a stalker though. Pauly Shore has a similar story. He's a big fan and he kind of follows them around the country. Pauly told Howard he's in town for the MTV Video Music Awards show so he came down to hang out. He's also got a new movie coming out soon so he tried to get in a couple of plugs for that.
Howard wondered why the band doesn't have chicks hanging around instead of guys. Pauly said that Aaron is married and all of the other guys have girlfriends so they don't have chicks around.
Aaron talked a little bit about his alcohol drinking as a younger guy. He said he drank enough in high school and until the age of 22 to satisfy him for the rest of his life. He's sober now but said he still smokes pot. He said it lets him go off into his own little world when he sings.
Howard had the band perform their hit song ''It's Been A While'' from their album ''Break the Cycle.'' The performance was great. After the song Howard spent a few more minutes talking to the guys about what they think of performers like 'N Sync and Britney Spears. Aaron does't think that they should get the same recognition as real bands because they don't even write their own songs or play their own instruments. They still think it's an honor to be on the Video Music Awards but they don't think they should be lumped in with the boy-bands.One of the guys said it was more of an honor to be on Howard's show than to be on the VMAs.
Somehow Crazy Cabbie and Dave from Staind challenged each other to a nut-size contest. Cabbie claims to have big balls but Dave said his were even bigger. Before Howard ended the segment he let the two of them show off their nuts and bet on who had the biggest. Howard took a look at Cabbie's first. When he saw his nut he said that he was going to bet on Dave's without even seeing it first. No one would take his bet so he just let Dave whip his out. Everyone seemed to be surprised by the size of his nut. Someone kept saying ''that's only one!'' as he showed it. Cabbie did this all to win money to pay for his car that was towed. He didn't win so he won't be getting his car back anytime soon. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later.
Doug Goodstein also announced that Hank's funeral will be open to the public. HIs family changed their minds after the media frenzy that followed the announcement of his death. Doug gave out the info on the air for where the wake and the funeral will be held. A lot of celebrities from the show will be there to honor Hank. Here's the information for the wake and funeral:
The wake for Hank the Dwarf will be open to the public and it will be held Friday, September 7th Herbert Hathaway Funeral Home, 945 South Main Street, Fall River, Massachusetts from 4pm to 8pm only.
Hank's funeral will also be open to the public and that will be held on Saturday, September 8th at the St. Anthony of the Desert Church at 10am.
You can also check HankTheDwarf.com to see if Doug has posted the info there.
Howard also mentioned some of the guests they had coming in this morning. He mentioned that Lawrence Taylor was coming in and goofed on him about defending OJ Simpson.
Greg, the guy who did it, was on the phone a short time later. Greg told Howard how the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl did his version of ''Everlong'' and it was stolen by other stations in the area. Howard said he gave permission to release that version of the song so it wasn't really ''stolen.'' Greg said he put the WJFK mentions right at the beginning of the song and then a ''one second'' mention right in the middle of the song when the singer wasn't singing. Howard wondered if he did it a certain way to fit in with the song or if he just blurted out ''WJFK.'' Howard and Artie spent a few minutes goofing on the guy and the whole situation. Greg was just trying to protect the show but Howard told him he really didn't need the help.
''Bob'' joked about a bunch of other stuff including the hatred of Jews. Howard read his script and played along with the bit for a little while. ''Bob'' ended the call with the song and quickly ended the call. One listener called in and complained about how unfunny the impression was. He begged Howard not to let the guy back on the show again.
Howard said he got to sit with his girlfriend and Mel Karmazin and his wife. Howard complained about the sound from the people who were talking during the show. He said the musical performances were loud enough though. Howard said some of the musical performances like 'N Sync were boring though. He enjoyed Jennifer Lopez's dance performance but he said she had to bring out a black guy to say the word ''nigga'' during her performance because she was probably afraid to say it in front of all of those people.
Howard said he got to meet the other boss of his company, Sumner Redstone who's like 70 years old. Howard wasn't sure if Sumner likes him but he did say hello to him.
Howard wasn't sure if Jamie Foxx was funny during the show but everyone who saw it on TV told him he really wasn't funny. It's tough to get laughs at a show like that because the audience is mostly made up of teenagers who just want to see Britney Spears and 'N Sync.
Howard played some tape of Stuttering John at the MTV VMAs last night interviewing Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson about coming on the show today but they were both acting very strange. Kid Rock just kept cursing and joking around. Pam wouldn't give a straight answer either so we never did find out why they won't come on the show. Howard said Gary tried to get them on but they just won't return his phone calls for some reason.
Howard spent some time talking to Slash about working with Michael Jackson and how odd the guy is. Slash thinks that Michael is a great performer and he's worked with him in the past. He didn't have a bad word to say about the guy.
Howard quickly asked Slash about the MTV awards show and Slash said he was just happy he wasn't there. He wasn't very impressed with Staind's performance on the show either. Howard told Slash that they were great on his show though.
Slash is a little pissed off that Axl Rose is using the Guns N Roses name with a whole new band. He said he'd like to get the old band together and do a tour but for now, that's not happening. Slash said they may do something like that in the future though.
The whole interview with Slash didn't last more than 15 minutes or so. Howard just thanked him for coming in and plugged his stuff. Slash's band Snake Pit has an album out now called ''Ain't Life Grand'' and Slash is working on some other stuff without that band. You can find out more at SlashSnakePit.com
Mike was on the phone shortly after L.T. came in and Howard ended up talking to L.T. about his relationship with OJ Simpson. L.T. defends OJ when the whole murder thing comes up. Howard and the rest of the crew were goofing on him for defending OJ but he didn't have anything bad to say about the guy. They play golf together down in Miami and they're pretty close. Howard asked L.T. a bunch of questions about OJ and he tried to answer them but Howard and the other guys were making so many jokes about him that he didn't get the chance to answer.
L.T. admitted that he's probably seen OJ naked at some point in his life but when Howard asked him who's penis was bigger, he didn't have an answer. He said when he showers with other guys he looks at the wall, not at their penises. Howard plugged the ''Toughman 911: New York Cops vs. New York Firemen'' that airs at 9pm on the FX network. L.T. is hosting that show.
Howard then moved on to play the Gossip game with Mike Walker. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to L.T. after the game. They talked about L.T.'s past drug and alcohol problems and how he went through rehab. Artie Lange said he went to the same rehab center so they swapped a couple of stories with each other. L.T. Said he was put in charge of the sports events while he was in rehab while Artie claims he was in charge of cleaning the toilets. L.T. Said he never had to clean the toilets while he was there.
Howard promoted Mark's movie ''Rock Star'' a little bit. He also asked him what it was like to open-mouth kiss Jennifer Aniston after a listener asked about it. Mark said it was good for him. Another caller asked why they have Jennifer in the movie because she's so ''one dimensional'' as an actress. Mark said that you'd be surprised at how well she pulled off the part though.
Mark was at the MTV Video Music Awards last night so Howard kept him around to goof on the clips that Robin had to play from the show. Howard said he's a fan of Jamie Foxx but as a host he wasn't that funny. Howard and the crew also talked about how sad it was that Aaliyah died. Howard said that he's more upset when a beautiful person dies than when an ugly person dies. He said he was really upset that Aaliyah died because she once said that he was ''tha bomb'' when she was interviewed by one of his flunkies.
Howard got back to Mark and told him that a woman showed up to meet him at the station today. This girl says that Mark was a big influence on her life for some reason. Her explanation wasn't very good and it didn't make a lot of sense. She had some wacky story about her live and Mark's life being similar but she hasn't become famous yet. Howard let her say her thing while they goofed on her for a bit. They eventually got rid of her and Howard was going to wrap up the interview but Stuttering John came in and said there was a girl on the phone who says Mark took her virginity. Howard took that call and let her tell her story. She claims it all happened back in 1994 or '95. She told the whole story but Mark didn't confirm the story. She said he was really good sexually and she was only 17 years old or so. After hearing the story Howard gave her a trip to Key West that he had to give away.
Howard told Artie that his sister was on the phone trying to get a date with Mark Wahlberg when he was in there. Howard asked him if his sister is good looking. Artie told him that he's pretty sure she would be considered pretty hot. That led to Howard telling Artie about how he had seen his own sister naked when he was a little kid. He said he didn't feel sexual about it but he was kind of curious and took a peek.
Artie said that his sister had some hot friends but they were all disgusted by him. Howard had Artie's sister Stacy on the phone so he talked to her for a short time about the Mark Wahlberg thing. She said that Artie has told her not to date actors so maybe it was best. Howard told her he heard she's a real piece of ass. He said she might be too short for him though, she's only 5'1'' tall. Howard said he'd bang her in private but not take her out in public because she's too short. Howard let Stacy go after asking her to send some naked pictures of herself to him.
Howard said there was also an unnamed black guy sitting there with Erik. Howard spoke to him and the guy ended up doing a quick rap about Hank the Dwarf that was very nice. Howard spoke to him for a minute and then Erik asked if he and Joey Boots, who was also at the memorial, could come up and do the news with Howard and Robin. Howard told Erik he wasn't welcome up in the studio today. He told him to just sit there at the memorial and watch over it like he's been doing since Wednesday.
Robin finally agreed to take someone from the show with her to the taping of the Celebrity ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' that she's doing. She's taking ''Big Foot'' Matt McGroary with her. The guy is about 7'6'' tall and he has an extremely deep voice. Howard wants Robin to introduce him as ''Big Foot'' when Regis asks her who she's there with. Robin wants to introduce him by his real name but Howard had her try out both to figure out which one would be funnier. They found out that introducing him as ''Big Foot'' was funnier than just ''Matt.''
Robin says she's not sure when this episode of ''Millionaire'' will air. She's taping it this weekend so she'll have the information available on Monday.
Robin went through her news stories and Howard wrapped up the show around 9:55am(Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard replayed the Staind performance from yesterday's show and said that his Washington DC station, WJFK, decided to run the station's ID over the song two times so no other station could steal it and play it on their station. Howard freaked out about it when he found out about that. He warned other board operators to just play the show and let him do the editing. Howard spent a few minutes goofing on WJFK and how they must have screwed up the song with the ''WJFK'' bumpers. Greg, the guy who did it, was on the phone a short time later. Greg told Howard how the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl did his version of ''Everlong'' and it was stolen by other stations in the area. Howard said he gave permission to release that version of the song so it wasn't really ''stolen.'' Greg said he put the WJFK mentions right at the beginning of the song and then a ''one second'' mention right in the middle of the song when the singer wasn't singing. Howard wondered if he did it a certain way to fit in with the song or if he just blurted out ''WJFK.'' Howard and Artie spent a few minutes goofing on the guy and the whole situation. Greg was just trying to protect the show but Howard told him he really didn't need the help.
''Bob'' joked about a bunch of other stuff including the hatred of Jews. Howard read his script and played along with the bit for a little while. ''Bob'' ended the call with the song and quickly ended the call. One listener called in and complained about how unfunny the impression was. He begged Howard not to let the guy back on the show again.
Howard said he got to meet the other boss of his company, Sumner Redstone who's like 70 years old. Howard wasn't sure if Sumner likes him but he did say hello to him.
Howard wasn't sure if Jamie Foxx was funny during the show but everyone who saw it on TV told him he really wasn't funny. It's tough to get laughs at a show like that because the audience is mostly made up of teenagers who just want to see Britney Spears and 'N Sync.
Howard played some tape of Stuttering John at the MTV VMAs last night interviewing Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson about coming on the show today but they were both acting very strange. Kid Rock just kept cursing and joking around. Pam wouldn't give a straight answer either so we never did find out why they won't come on the show. Howard said Gary tried to get them on but they just won't return his phone calls for some reason.
Howard spent some time talking to Slash about working with Michael Jackson and how odd the guy is. Slash thinks that Michael is a great performer and he's worked with him in the past. He didn't have a bad word to say about the guy.
Howard quickly asked Slash about the MTV awards show and Slash said he was just happy he wasn't there. He wasn't very impressed with Staind's performance on the show either. Howard told Slash that they were great on his show though.
Slash is a little pissed off that Axl Rose is using the Guns N Roses name with a whole new band. He said he'd like to get the old band together and do a tour but for now, that's not happening. Slash said they may do something like that in the future though.
The whole interview with Slash didn't last more than 15 minutes or so. Howard just thanked him for coming in and plugged his stuff. Slash's band Snake Pit has an album out now called ''Ain't Life Grand'' and Slash is working on some other stuff without that band. You can find out more at SlashSnakePit.com
Mike was on the phone shortly after L.T. came in and Howard ended up talking to L.T. about his relationship with OJ Simpson. L.T. defends OJ when the whole murder thing comes up. Howard and the rest of the crew were goofing on him for defending OJ but he didn't have anything bad to say about the guy. They play golf together down in Miami and they're pretty close. Howard asked L.T. a bunch of questions about OJ and he tried to answer them but Howard and the other guys were making so many jokes about him that he didn't get the chance to answer.
L.T. admitted that he's probably seen OJ naked at some point in his life but when Howard asked him who's penis was bigger, he didn't have an answer. He said when he showers with other guys he looks at the wall, not at their penises. Howard plugged the ''Toughman 911: New York Cops vs. New York Firemen'' that airs at 9pm on the FX network. L.T. is hosting that show.
Howard then moved on to play the Gossip game with Mike Walker. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to L.T. after the game. They talked about L.T.'s past drug and alcohol problems and how he went through rehab. Artie Lange said he went to the same rehab center so they swapped a couple of stories with each other. L.T. Said he was put in charge of the sports events while he was in rehab while Artie claims he was in charge of cleaning the toilets. L.T. Said he never had to clean the toilets while he was there.
After the interview Howard took a break. During the break Howard said that L.T. got a call from OJ Simpson and OJ wanted to talk to Howard. Howard ended up talking to the guy but he said he's not sure what he was saying. He said OJ said something about L.T. being ''Mrs. OJ Simpson'' or something like that.
Howard promoted Mark's movie ''Rock Star'' a little bit. He also asked him what it was like to open-mouth kiss Jennifer Aniston after a listener asked about it. Mark said it was good for him. Another caller asked why they have Jennifer in the movie because she's so ''one dimensional'' as an actress. Mark said that you'd be surprised at how well she pulled off the part though.
Mark was at the MTV Video Music Awards last night so Howard kept him around to goof on the clips that Robin had to play from the show. Howard said he's a fan of Jamie Foxx but as a host he wasn't that funny. Howard and the crew also talked about how sad it was that Aaliyah died. Howard said that he's more upset when a beautiful person dies than when an ugly person dies. He said he was really upset that Aaliyah died because she once said that he was ''tha bomb'' when she was interviewed by one of his flunkies.
Howard got back to Mark and told him that a woman showed up to meet him at the station today. This girl says that Mark was a big influence on her life for some reason. Her explanation wasn't very good and it didn't make a lot of sense. She had some wacky story about her live and Mark's life being similar but she hasn't become famous yet. Howard let her say her thing while they goofed on her for a bit. They eventually got rid of her and Howard was going to wrap up the interview but Stuttering John came in and said there was a girl on the phone who says Mark took her virginity. Howard took that call and let her tell her story. She claims it all happened back in 1994 or '95. She told the whole story but Mark didn't confirm the story. She said he was really good sexually and she was only 17 years old or so. After hearing the story Howard gave her a trip to Key West that he had to give away.
Robin says she's not sure when this episode of ''Millionaire'' will air. She's taping it this weekend so she'll have the information available on Monday.