|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Tom went on to talk about some of the game shows that Howard has done on his show over the years. They pulled some of the best of those shows together and played clips from those segments.
''The Weakest Dink'' Game. 3/28/02. 8:15am
Last week Howard gave away chances to win a new Dodge Durango to some of his listeners. He picked one person a day to be represented by a person on the show. The caller got a spin of a wheel and whoever they landed on on the wheel would be playing for them. The person on the show who wins the game today will win the Durango, courtesy of Yonkers Avenue Dodge, for the person they were playing for. Vinnie Favale came up with all of the questions and got to host the game. Howard was sure there was no chance he was going to win. He thought that Fred was almost a sure winner because he does so well with the ''Win Fred's Money'' game all the time.
Playing the game were Howard, Gary, Robin, Fred, Artie, KC and Stuttering John. Most of the people who the guys are playing for were in the studio. Here's how they're matched up...:
When they came back from the commercial break they had eliminated KC. They went on and quickly played the rest of the rounds. Artie was eliminated in the second round, John in the next, Robin in the next, Howard in the next. It came down to the final round between Gary and Fred. Gary had answered every one of his questions correctly up to this point. Fred had missed a bunch but managed to make it through the rounds. Gary finally missed one question in the final round but Fred missed 2 so Gary was the winner. He won the 2002 Dodge Durango for Mike. A woman from Yonkers Avenue Dodge came in and presented the vehicle to Mike. Howard said she was pretty hot and asked if there were more hot women working at Yonkers Avenue Dodge. Gary has been there and he said there are some other hot women there.
Howard took some phone calls about the game but ended up getting sidetracked when a caller brought up the Stuttering John/Crazy Cabbie fight. Howard spent a short time on that and got back to the game. There were complaints about the game and most of them were about the way Vinnie hosted the game. There were people that said he was very unprofessional in the way he hosted. He was stumped after the first round about who the ''Weakest Dinks'' were and there was a lot of confusion there. Howard wrapped up the game after the calls.
''What's My Secret'' Game With William Shatner, Elephant Boy And Colt 40-Feinberg. 11/7/97. 8:20am
Fred The Elephant Boy and comedian Colt 40-Feinberg came in to play ''What's My Secret'' with William Shatner. Howard introduced Fred and Colt to Shatner and filled Shatner in on the strange things that Elephant Boy has done. They played his voice mail where he was looking for a couple that would be into a bi-sexual relationship with him.
Howard moved the guys on to talk about this woman they had coming in. He told them that they were going to ask questions to try and find out what her secret was. If they got a ''no'' answer then the next person would go. Howard also spoke to Mr. Shatner about his penis for a few seconds before moving on to talk to the woman with the secret.
Howard had the guys ask the woman a bunch of questions but all they got were ''no'' answers from her. Howard let that go on for a short time before he had to interrupt and just tell them what her secret was. It turns out the woman is able to smoke a cigarette with her private parts. In other words she has a smoking vagina. She demonstrated this talent and amazed everyone in the room. It must have been a hell of a sight because Howard yelled out ''Unbelievable!'' when he saw it. He said that she inhaled and exhaled the smoke!
In the clip we heard Robin introducing the people in the squares including people like Daniel Carver, JP Morgan, Gene Rayburn, Theresa Glover, David Peel, Underdog Lady Suzanne Muldowney, Mark Harris and more. Howard then introduced the contestants which included a couple of homeless people. They had a grand prize of a brand new shopping cart and a brand new cardboard box for the winner.
Howard spent some time talking to Daniel Carver when one of the homeless people picked him as their first square. They played through some Hollywood Squares-like questions with the celebrities and contestants. They played along with Gene Rayburn, JP Morgan, David Peel, Underdog Lady, Theresa Glover and Mark Harris. The guys team won the first round.
In the second round Howard spent a little time talking to the celebrity guests and then went through the rest of the game.
Celebrity ''Win Fred's Money'' With Guest Jason Alexander. 12/10/02. 8:55am
Actor Jason Alexander came in to promote a TV movie he's starring in this weekend called ''The Man Who Stole Christmas'' which airs this Sunday night at 9 O'clock on CBS.
Before Jason came in Howard mentioned that he was best known for his ''Seinfeld'' role. A listener called in and told Howard he's not best known for that now, he's best known for his KFC commercials. Howard also pointed out he was in ''Son of the Beach'' when that was still on the air. When Jason came in Howard asked him if he's offended when he introduces him as being from ''Seinfeld'' and he kiddingly (I think) said that he was and would prefer the KFC mention instead. The guys asked him if he gets free chicken since he works for KFC. Jason said he gets ''Chicken Bucks'' from the company so he gets free chicken at KFC if he wants it. That led to the guys talking about the urban myths about KFC and some other fast food restaurants that were spread over the years. Howard ended up telling a story about how his father could have gotten in on the Kentucky Fried Chicken thing when they first went public many years ago but his mother talked him out of it.
Howard eventually moved on to play ''Win Fred's Money'' with Jason. He was playing for a $10,000 prize. If he won he said he'd be giving his money to a charity. Howard said he shouldn't do that, he should keep the money for himself. Howard sent Fred off to Robin's cubicle so he couldn't hear the questions. He then asked Jason the seven questions. He had 60 seconds to answer as many of them as possible. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Howard spent a little while longer talking to Jason before ending the interview. He talked to Jason about ''Seinfeld'' and how little money he's getting from the syndication deal. Jason said that he and the rest of the guys, except Jerry, are just getting the minimum SAG residuals for those reruns. Stuttering John said he heard that Seinfeld is thinking of doing a reunion show but Jason said he's heard nothing about that at this point. Howard and the guys talked about Julia Louis-Dreyfus' semi-successful TV show also. Jason said he heard that her show was actually picked up again for a mid-season replacement so it hasn't been canceled yet.
Howard talked about his new dog a little bit with Jason who sounded pretty excited that he'd gotten the dog.
Howard gave Jason a couple of plugs for some of the other stuff he's doing. He's going to be starring in ''The Producers'' opposite Martin Short. Howard and the guys made a couple of cracks about how Martin will probably be over the top in his part.
Wack Pack Family Feud. 09/08/05. 8:00am
Howard came back from break and played a Wendy the Retard song parody and a Daniel Carver song parody to get everyone in the mood for the Wack Pack Family Feud. Howard then started the game and said that there's actually a $10,000 prize for the winning family. Earlier he'd said it was only $5,000. He went on to introduce Wendy's mother Joyce and her sister Becca. Howard spent a few seconds speaking to each of the family members. Howard heard some noise coming from somewhere and found out it was actually Wendy's radio which she was using to record the show. Howard found out that Becca is 18 years old and works at McDonalds doing just about every job there. She said that she has dealt with some really rude customers and that tends to ruin her work day. Wendy likes that because she gets half off at the restaurant. Becca said that her sister gets to be kind of annoying sometimes.
Howard moved on to Daniel Carver's family after that. He said hello to Daniel's wife Darlene who has been married to him for 37 years now. Howard then spoke to Daniel Carver Jr., Daniel's son. Daniel Jr. Has a son so there are three Daniels in the family. Gary asked Daniel if he has been dying his hair lately because it looked kind of dark. Daniel said that's not the case and he's not dying it. Gary also said that Daniel is very confident that they will win this game today since they are up against one retarded woman and her family. Daniel Jr. Has a lot of hate, just like his father. He called himself ''nig*** hater, agitator number 2'' just like his father is. Howard wondered if there were any years when Jr. rebelled against his father and actually liked black people. Daniel and Jr. Said that they both watch black comedians and make fun of them so they have watched ''The Jeffersons'' and shows like that over the years. Darlene said that they've raised their kids to stick with their own race and to never stray from that. Jr. Said that if they have a black mail delivery person, they have to stay at the end of the driveway and not come up to the house. Gary asked the family what they would do if their house caught fire and a black fireman showed up first. They all said that they'd rather let it burn. Howard asked the family what they think about the hurricane disaster. Daniel and his family seem to think that it was God cleaning up New Orleans. Jr. was even more hateful and said that if God liked the blacks down there, he would have gotten them their help sooner than 3 days after the disaster.
Scott DePace called in and asked Daniel if he would save Robin if she was drowning. Daniel said he would save anything from drowning, a dog, Robin, whatever. Darlene said that she would let her drown but Jr. Said that he would drag her out and keep dragging her along the pavement for a little while. Howard said it was interesting that Daniel Sr. Seems to be more compassionate than the rest of his family. Darlene said that she's so hateful that she wouldn't even let Robin save her if she was on fire. The guys think that Daniel has a bit of a soft spot for Robin since he's gotten to know her over the years. Darlene said that he's just waiting for her to get old enough to die.
Wendy told Howard that they have another hurricane in the Florida area this week and she's hoping that they don't have to cancel her Olympics this weekend. Howard cut her off and asked Darlene to rate the races for him since they do that with Daniel. She said that she finds the nig***s to be worse than the Jews but Daniel thinks that the Jew is the Devil so they're even lower than the nig***. Jr. was saying that he finds the darker the skin, the worse they are so the Jews rate lower on his list.
Howard was going to move on to the game but Wendy wanted to get in a plug for someone she met on the street yesterday. Howard told her they were playing the game and he wasn't going there. He had Wendy and Daniel go up to the buzzers so they could get started. The first category was ''What's the worst thing to call a Jew?'' Daniel came in with the buzz first so he said ''Kike'' and got the number one answer. The Carvers decided to play. Darlene said ''Devil'' as the next name but it wasn't on the board. Daniel Jr. Said ''a Christ Killer'' but that wasn't on the board either. Daniel was up again and said ''Jew Boy'' which wasn't on the board so Wendy's family took over. Wendy blurted out ''Fag.'' The family came up with ''Jew Bastard'' but that wasn't on the board. The Carver family kept the points. Howard read the rest of the names on the list and they were ''Hebe,'' ''Dirty Jew'' and ''Cheap.''
The second category was ''Name an occupation a retarded person can do.'' It was Joyce and Darlene up at the buzzer and Joyce came in with Grocery Bagger but Darlene said ''McDonalds'' and got ''fast food employee'' which was the number 1 answer. The Carvers took it and played for the win. Daniel Jr. was asked for another answer. He said it was tough to come up with something like that. He said ''Special Olympics.'' That wasn't on the board. Daniel Sr. was up next and said ''Door Greeter'' and got it. They went to Darlene again and she said ''Window washer'' but it wasn't on the board. Daniel Jr. Said ''Janitor'' and got another one right. Daniel Sr. was up and said ''Movie Star'' and got the third wrong answer so they threw it over to Wendy's family. Wendy said ''Bowl'' and her family couldn't come up with the correct answer so they lost the points again. It turned out ''Bus Boy'' was the final answer on the board.
The third category was ''Name a black person that acts white.'' Becca and Daniel Jr. were up at the buzzer and Daniel came in with Jesse Jackson but didn't get it. Becca said ''Michael Jackson'' who also wasn't up there. Daniel said ''Bill Cosby'' and didn't get that either. Becca didn't have another answer so they had to go to another question. Howard said the names on the list were Bryant Gumble, Colin Powell, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Al Roker and Wayne Brady.
Howard moved on to another question which was ''What's the worst thing to call a black person?'' Daniel Jr. Said ''Nig***'' which was the number one answer. They took the category and decided to play. Dan Sr. Said ''Boy'' and got another one. Darlene said ''Black'' and missed one! Dan Jr. Said ''Coon'' and got another one right. Dan Sr. Said ''Porch Monkey'' and got another one right. Darlene went again and said ''Bubble Lip'' and missed another one. Junior said ''Jigaboo'' and missed another one. Wendy's family got the chance to take it but they don't have as much hate in them so they couldn't come up with anything other than ''Fag'' which came from Wendy. They gave an answer of ''Dog'' but that wasn't even close. The Carver family took it all. The answers they were looking for were ''Jungle Bunny'' and ''Eggplant.'' Howard was kind of sad because he was looking for Wendy's family to take home some money. The $10,000 prize was courtesy of the movie ''The Man'' and when Daniel Jr. Heard that, he thanked Samuel L. Jackson for the contribution to the Ku Klux Klan since Jackson is in the movie. Gary asked Daniel Jr. what he thinks about gay people. He said that it's the worst thing humans can do and he would prefer not to be in the same room with a gay person. They were asking about that because Mark Harris had come in and was pacing the halls just waiting to blast these people. Howard gave Wendy's family some prizes but nothing close to the ten grand they missed out on.
The guys brought in Mark Harris who is a gay man himself. He came in and said some things about the family that could be a bit libelous. The Carvers said that being gay is illegal because sodomy is illegal. Junior was going off on Mark about being gay and said that he would open up a 55 gallon drum of whoop ass on any gay guy that came on to him. The Carvers and Mark went back and forth arguing about whether or not being gay was okay or not. Howard asked Daniel if he would take a kiss from Mark Harris if they promised to get rid of all of the people they hate after the kiss. Daniel's wife said she would kill her husband if he did something like that.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and one woman asked why they keep letting the Carver family win money on the show. Artie lost a football pool to Daniel and Daniel took home $25,000 thanks to that loss. Now he's taking home another ten thousand today. Howard was about to go to break but Wendy and her sister were giving shout outs to everyone they know and giving plugs for some guys they ran into on the street. After spending a few minutes doing that they wrapped up and went to commercial break.
Guess Who's The Jew With Kurt Waldheim Jr. 6/24/97. 7:25am
Howard had more Tyson/Holyfield tickets to give away this morning so they played Guess Who's The Jew. It took 4 callers before they got a winner. It usually doesn't take more than 2 callers. Here are some of the callers choices:
Category: TV Fatsos
Black Jeopardy. 2-21-96.
Every year Howard likes to take part in Black History month so he does his version of the game show, Jeopardy. Today's contestants were Big Blackie the black nerd, King of All Blacks, and Tineen Howard the guy who was recently arrested in front of the governors mansion in Virginia with a gun...he was also yelling out 'Howard Stern is the king of all media'. So you can see that we have quite a collection of wacky people. Big Blackie was 'sipping' on a 40oz. Malt Liquor to make himself seem more like a real black man. Uzo the big breasted sex kitten was also in to turn over the Jeopardy question cards. King of All Blacks spent his whole morning goofing on Big Blackie's look and his glasses. Howard was dressed in his big afro wig and goofy glasses. They went through the usual black questions and came down to the Final Jeopardy. The question was: 'How do you spell Cochran?'. Big Blackie came out the winner with 230 points, King of All Blacks had 80 points and Tineen had 210 points. Uzo tried to spell the word but was unsuccessful. She spelled it Cockran. How is her spelling on Prodigy? Big Blackie came away with a $500 gift certificate for Tops Appliance. Everyone came away a winner when Howard gave gift certificates to all three goofballs. Big Blackie wants to become an entertainer and put the word out that he's up for hire. King of All Blacks told Big Blackie to sing a little of 'Ben' for us and he screeched out a tune.
''Password'' The Game With Beetlejuice. 06/27/2001. 8:35am
Howard came back from break with Beetlejuice in the studio. They spent a minute talking to him and asked if he's ever tried to hail a cab. Beet said he can get one no problem. Howard said he'd like to see that happen and maybe send Beetlejuice out to the street to see if he can hail a cab. Howard said that Danny Glover was complaining that he can't get a cab because he's a black man, he'd like to find out if that's the case with a dwarf black man.
KC told Howard about a story that appeared about Beetlejuice, Lester Green, in a local paper. It said that Beet used to be a skier in the special Olympics. He was very competitive according to the article. He was also a runner and he did well in those events. Beetle said he doesn't ski much but when he does, he does it at the top of a mountain. Beetle was up to his usual answer of questions with ''Me!?'' and then the answer.
The article also described how Beet grew up with kids making fun of him but now those same kids are asking for his autograph. Howard read through the article and spent a few minutes talking about what was in that. Howard moved on to the game after that.
The first contestant was a guy by the name of Steve who just happened to be in the city today on a visit. Howard told him how they were going to play this game. Howard would give the contestant a word that he had to get Beetlejuice to say. He can only use one word clues to get him to say the word. If he won he'd win a trip to Nantucket courtesy of Nantucket Nectars fruit drinks.
KC put headphones on Beet's ears so he couldn't hear the Password. The first word was ''Bicycle''. Steve said ''Pedaling'' and Beet mumbled something unintelligible. He then said ''Handlebars'' and Beet said ''Bike''. Close enough for Steve to win. Howard didn't know what happened. He thought it would be near impossible to get him to say the word or anything even close. Howard decided to let Steve play another word even though he'd already won. The next word was ''Computer''. Here's what Steve said and Beetlejuice's response:
Howard said that you can visit PicklePilot.com for more info on the porno that Beetle will be shooting later this year. You can also check out JollyDwarf.com for info on upcoming appearances for Beet. He'll also be in ''Scary Movie 2'' which opens July 5th. Someone also said that Beet has been shooting ''Men in Black 2'' with Wil Smith. Beetle said he's been hanging out with those guys lately and he's having a good time on the set. How true that is remains to be seen. Beetle hung out after the game to sit in during Robin's news segment.
Before Robin could get started though, this guy Johnny T-Bone called in and said that he's dating Beetlejuice's sister Erica. He told Howard how he met Erica at a bar and now he's banging her. He even said he's going to marry her. Beetle started getting pissed right away. He started cursing at the guy and called him an asshole a few times. Beet denied that this guy is going to be part of his family because his sister doesn't love anyone but herself. The two of them went at it for about 10 minutes. It sounded like T-Bone knew what he was talking about but Beet didn't want to hear it and he was calling the guy a ''faggot ass'' and a ''punk ass'' halfway through it. He even said he'd kill the guy if he sees him with his sister. Howard seemed to believe what the guy was saying but he wasn't sure about it. He eventually had to take a break so he hung up on T-Bone and calmed Beetlejuice down a little bit.
Today's Game Show Special was over around 11:20am.
Win Fred's Money With Pete, Kendra Jade And Jeremy. 12/13/00. 9:15am
We had another couple of rounds of Win Fred's Money today. This guy Pete came in to try and win the $10,000 prize. Pete has a masters from Harvard so he's a pretty smart guy. Howard quickly got to the game where he asks the guy 7 questions in one minute. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Porn star Kendra Jade was at the studio and she thought she could beat Fred so Howard let her come in. She was supposed to be in to talk about her experience with the winner of Butt Billionaire from a few weeks back. That guy never showed up so there was no story. Howard asked Kendra all of the questions and she got a perfect score.. of zero correct. You can try to be in one of Kendra Jade's pornos.. Visit her web site KendraJade.com to find out how.
Howard heard that Pete's 11 year old son Jeremy was a smart kid so he had him compete against KC in a quick quiz. He asked the following questions:
No one believed that KC could have come that close to winning so they threw together another quick game to see if it was a fluke. Here are the 6 questions Howard asked:
The Gay Family Feud Game. 10/8/99. 7:15am
Howard played a quick game of ''Gay Family Feud'' with a bunch of gay guys. For all of the straight people out there porno star Rebecca Lord came in to stand in a bikini during the game. She'd come in earlier in the show to talk to Howard and he invited her to stand around during the game. There were two teams, The San Francisco Sissies and The Long Island Lilies. Each team had three gay guys on it. Howard introduced each one and spoke to them for a couple of seconds. The sissies consisted of Moon, Brett and Joey. The Lillys were Michael, Delphina and Stan. Delphina was a female impersonator. They all went on to play about 3 rounds of the feud. Howard had surveys of gay men on subjects like:
This time they had someone (Dave ''The Walrus'' Hawthorne) doing an impression of Mr. Haney from ''Green Acres'' playing the game with them. Howard also had Boy Lee sitting in playing. Howard spoke to him for a few and then introduced Ann Landers (Jackie Martling), Lou Ferrigno (Al Rosenberg) and Richard Dawson (Fred).
Howard got a contestant on the phone to play the game after that. He found a guy to play and questioned him for a couple of minutes about what he does for a living and things like that. He told the guy he had Beach Boy tickets to win and the guy didn't sound all that excited about that. He also found a woman to play the game.
Howard went on to play the game and had the players trying to match answers with the guys in the studio. They had to fill in the blanks of phrases like ''Eager _____'' and ''_____ Cabin.'' The contestants tried to win by matching up with the most people in the studio.
Stump The Booey With Gary And Carl. 2/3/03. 7:55am
This guy Carl came in with his sister Allison to play ''Stump the Booey'' against Gary. Howard said Allison had a great body. He said she looked kind of like Carl but with a great body. Gary had her turn around to show Howard her ass. Howard told her she had to go into the bathroom and take her clothes off just in case Carl loses the game. Howard said he'd love to see her naked and asked her how large her breasts are. She said she's a 35 C and she wears size 4 pants. Howard asked her a few questions about her boyfriend and stuff like that. Howard asked her if she's completely shaved or not. She didn't want to answer that but Howard said they're going to find out if her brother loses. Howard heard that Allison was on the Montel Williams show a few years ago. She said she was in the audience though. Gary said he heard she was kicked out because she made some anti-semitic remarks. She said that wasn't true though. That stuff was in the notes they had about them.
Howard sent Allison to the bathroom and told her she had to get completely naked. Howard told her that was Carl's fault and if she didn't get completely naked, he'd kick them out of there. Carl told her not to worry so she took her clothes off. Howard asked her if she wanted a drink or something to calm her down. She said it was a little early for that.
Howard got to the game once they got Allison's clothes. Howard explained the rules to Carl and got ready to play. Howard plays 5 songs and both Gary and Carl have to write down the name of the song and the artist that performed it. The songs are mostly from the 1980's.
The clothes eventually came out of the bathroom so Howard had KC check the bra size. KC said it was a 34 B even though she claimed it was a 35 C. Howard started the game a minute later. Here are the 5 songs and who got them correct:
Howard took a call from a woman who wants to play Gary in the game but she doesn't want to get naked. Howard told her that if she can find something to barter with, she can play. He put her on hold and told her to find someone to get naked or something.
Howard said that Allison isn't going to come out of the bathroom. She locked the door and said she wasn't coming out. Howard asked her to unlock it so they could talk to her on microphone. Howard told her she'd have to come out to get her clothes eventually. Howard told KC to confiscate the clothes and take them away so she wouldn't have any to sneak back on. She said she'd just wait until ten o'clock to get the clothes. Gary said he'd put him on his desk and wait until she came out. She ended up cursing and refused to come out. Howard told her she wasn't going to get out with her clothes until she comes out naked. She still argued that she was told she'd just be topless if he lost but Howard said that wasn't their fault, that was Carl's fault. Howard told Carl he could leave but his sister was staying in the bathroom because she welched on the bet. Howard said from now on they're going to make contestants come in with a $5000 cashier's check as well as the chick to get naked because of this. Howard and Robin told her they could leave her in there all night if that's what it takes. Stuttering John told Howard to just go in to use the bathroom but Howard said he doesn't do that. Howard said if Carl had won, they would have taken the $5000. She lost the bet and she was supposed to come out naked. Gary told Carl they'd eventually break her and she'd come out naked.
Howard took a few phone calls and let people complain about what Allison and Carl did to them. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard said that KC wasn't watching the door to the bathroom during the break and Allison escaped after wrapping toilet paper around herself. She ran and put her jacket on so no one would see her body. Howard had Carl back in and told him he was really pissed about what they'd done. Carl claims that he didn't plan on scamming Howard during this. Howard said after he saw her run out he knows why she didn't want anyone to see her body, she had cellulite on her legs. He kept getting more and more upset the more he talked about it. He even said that Allison had a ''butter face'' (Everything is good 'but her face'). Allison said Howard could say anything he wanted to about them, she didn't care. Howard said they have to change the rules to the game because of this debacle. He said that from now on when a woman comes in, they're going to stand her behind a sheet and if the contestant loses, they'll just drop the sheet. Howard got rid of them a short time later. Howard later said he was kind of upset that he called her names and pointed out the cellulite. Gary said it her attitude sucked and that didn't help things.
Howard had Fred come in as Kurt Waldheim Jr. spewing his anti-Semitic comments. He was also throwing out some other racial stuff that Howard told him he didn't agree with. Kurt thanked him for not being happy with his thoughts on the races and the Jews. Kurt introduced Michael Landon as a Jew and outed him.
Howard moved along and took some calls trying to find someone to play Guess Who's The Jew with them. He wasn't sure what he wanted to give away either. Gary told him that Sam Kinison was on the phone so they could play with him. Howard figured they wouldn't have to give him a prize either so that would work out since they didn't have anything good.
Howard picked up on Sam and played the game with him. They spent a couple of minutes talking before getting to the game. Howard asked Sam how long he's been sober. Sam told him that it's been two days. Sam and Howard talked about Stuttering John going out to hang out with Sam in California.
Howard eventually moved on to Guess Who's The Jew and had ''Kurt'' give a few names. Sam had to pick the Jew out of the list of names. The names were:
Howie Mandel Comes In. 6/10/98. 8:20am
Howard wanted Howie to play ''What's Up With My Secret'' which is a game where everyone tries to guess what someone's secret is. This guy Jonah Falcon was the person with the secret. As soon as the guy walked in the studio Howard knew what his secret was. Howard took his guess and got it right. The guy's secret was that he has a penis that measures between 12½ and 16½ inches long. Howard could tell just by the clothing he was wearing. He also guessed that Jonah was gay. Jonah says that he's bi-sexual but it's easier to pick up men. He also said it's easier for a man to accept his huge penis than it is for a woman. He claims that between the ages of 20 to 25 he slept with a different person every day of the week. He even pulled it out of his shorts to show everyone. He was swinging it around like a rope. He said that it's about 8½ inches long when it's soft. There was a lot of delay hits during this part of the interview so it was kind of hard to follow. They must have gotten a bit too graphic. Jonah also claims that he slept with a celebrity although he wouldn't give the name. He did say that the person's initials were C.R. When everyone was guessing it was Christopher Reeve he wouldn't confirm or deny it. He said he doesn't want to get sued so he wouldn't confirm it.
After the whole penis fiasco Howie and Howard spent quite a while talking. Howie told a story about why he doesn't blow up rubber gloves on his head anymore. He used to close his act by putting a rubber glove on his head then blow it up with his nose. He ended up perforating his sinus cavity by doing that. The conversation eventually turned to Howie's obsession with cleanliness. He said that he used to be really bad and would have to shower 5 times a day so he wouldn't have any germs on him. There were some stains on the couch in the green room at the K-Rock studio so Howie wouldn't sit down while waiting to come into the studio. Howie explained that when he stays in a hotel he won't touch the comforter on the bed without wrapping his hand in toilet paper. He takes it off the bed completely when he sleeps because they don't get cleaned like the sheets. He also puts a towel in the shower so he won't have to touch the tub with his bare feet. The one thing that was really bothering him today was the fact that after Jonah touched his penis earlier he used that hand to open the studio door to leave. Howie said that since that moment he's been wondering how he's going to get out of the studio because there's no way he's going to touch that door handle. This was the best part of the whole interview! Howie was going crazy and everyone was poking fun. Howard told Howie about some of Jackie's bad habits when it comes to using bathrooms. Jackie will use a public bathroom and not put paper on the seat. That seemed to sicken Howie. This interview was getting close to an hour long without a commercial break so Howard had to let Howie go. He said that he wants Howie to come back because they're not done with this interview. Howard told Howie that when his show gets canceled that he has to come on Howard's show first. Howie agreed to it. Later in the show Howard said it was funny to watch Howie try to get out of the studio. Hopefully they'll show that on E!.
Howard was trying to get Fred to play a Dial-A-Date but he didn't sound all that interested. Howard eventually talked him into it and then got a few women on the phone to play the game. Howard hung up on a couple of women because of the descriptions they gave for their looks. He eventually found 3 women to play and had them talking about their lives and what they would do to Fred sexually. Howard would hang up on the women if they refused to come out and talk to Fred the way he wanted them to.
Fred went through each of the women trying to pick one out. Howard and Robin helped him pick out of the three and he ended up going with Alison even though Howard thought he should go with a different one.
Howard Plays The ''Hollyweird Squares'' Game. 11/7/02. 7:50am
Howard had a bunch of wack pack members and others come in to play ''Hollyweird Squares this morning. They had it all set up like ''Hollywood Squares'' with Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro in the center square. Howard first introduced the contestants who were playing the game today. Frank and James were the contestants. Paul Fishbein from Adult Video News was also there because he was giving away the prize. Paul said that the guys will win a trip to the 20th anniversary AVN awards in Las Vegas. That takes place in January. Howard ended up complaining about KC not having the contestants ready to play. KC said they were still waiting on a guest so Howard told KC to go sit in that spot and get rid of the late guest.
Howard spoke to Frank for a short time and found out what he does for a living. He also found out that Frank was born with club feet so he questioned him about that. He had a bunch of hard luck stories that he brought up too. A lot of his family members died when he was pretty young so Howard mentioned all of that. He also saw a friend of his get killed during a motorcycle race. He said his head was severed by the windscreen on his bike. Frank also races and said that he crashed and broke some bones not too long ago. He's bad luck and Robin said she was going to stay away from him.
Howard moved on to James and found out he's lost a lot of money on gambling over the past few years. He once lost $63,000 in a week! He's now in debt for $130,000 because of the gambling. He said he's paying off stuff as much as he can but it's only about $150 a week. He's living on only about $50 a week at this point. Howard said he'll never pay off his debts at that rate.
Howard said that they had Heather from Scores turning the cards for the game. Howard said she's very beautiful and recognized her knee from possibly giving him a lap dance.
Howard introduced each of the squares after that. Up in the left corner was John the Stutterer. Next to him was Porn Star Devon. Howard talked to each of them quickly and then introduced Don the Magic Juan. Raymond Norman the ''Oprah Winfrey, negro woman of the south'' guy was next. Jeff the Drunk Curro was in the center square. Sitting next to him was Porn Star Tera Patrick. Howard spent a short time talking to her and then introduced Bukake Girl. Howard said she loves bukake so that's why they call her that. Up next was Fred the Elephant Boy and Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Howard let Daniel ramble on with his racist crap before starting the game.
Frank was X and James was O for the game. Howard had Frank go first. He picked Jeff Curro to start. Howard then went on to read the question and had Frank say whether he agreed with Jeff's answer or not. James went next and got the secret square that was worth $5000 if he got it right. The secret square was Bukake girl. Her question was very easy so James won the $5000 courtesy of H2 ''Hollywood Squares 2.'' Howard said that money will probably go directly to James' bookie. Frank was up again and he went with Daniel Carver. Frank agreed with Daniel's answer and ended up getting it wrong. James went again and picked Fred the Elephant Boy for the win. The question was about the average length of a man's penis and they got it wrong so James didn't get the win. Frank went again and picked Devon the porn star. They got their answer right so Frank actually won. Howard didn't realize it at first. He was surprised to see the three X's across the board. Both of the guys won something.
Gary came in and asked Howard if they wanted to play another game for another $5000. Paul Fishbein said he'd throw in a couple more tickets to the AVN awards if Howard would read their plugs right. Howard agreed to that and let Paul give a plug. Jeff the Drunk was getting up to go take a leak but Howard made him stay there so they could play the game again. After talking to some of the wack packers Howard got to the second game. James started it off with John the Stutterer. John and James didn't agree but James got his circle. Frank was up and picked Raymond Norman. Frank got his X because Raymond didn't have a clue about the answer. James went with Don the Magic Juan next. They disagreed but James got the square. Frank went again and went with porn star Devon. Frank disagreed with Devon and lost the square. James went with Daniel Carver but Howard told him he could have won if he'd gone with Devon. James said he wanted to give Frank the chance to win. James and Daniel agreed on the question so he got the square. Frank went with Tera Patrick to block James. He agreed with her on her answer and got the square. James went to Jeff the Drunk which wasn't a winning move. Howard said he guesses that the guy doesn't care about winning. James won the square and won. It turns out the center square got him the diagonal win. Howard congratulated each of the guys and thanked all of the people who played the game and gave them some plugs for their stuff. There were a lot of plugs going on for web sites so here's a quick wrap up of those:
''It's Just Wrong'' Father/Daughter Edition. 10/18/02. 8:00am
''It's Just Wrong''... They've played the game before but never with father/daughter teams. In the game the Father has to answer questions. If he gets one wrong he has to remove an article of his daughter's clothing. The daughter's get 3 articles of clothing to remove. Once a daughter is completely naked, they're out of the game. The winning team in the game gets a grand prize of $10,000 courtesy of RisqueVideo.com.
Howard introduced the couples when he started the segment. First up were Tony and Billy Sue. Billy Sue is only 19 years old. She told Howard her father approached her about playing the game. Tony told Howard he sees his daughter naked all the time because they go to the beach and skinny dip with a bunch of other people. Tony said he knows that it's just wrong to do what he's going to be doing. Tony said that Billy Sue didn't have a problem playing the game at all. Billy Sue said that her mother was out in the green room and she doesn't have a problem with it either.
Howard then introduced couple number two, Dwayne and Andrea. Andrea is 22 years old. She told Howard she doesn't have a boyfriend right now. Andrea said she heard the show and her father also heard it. She was kind of disgusted by the idea when she heard it on the radio but when her father told her the prize was $10,000 she said ''let's do it!'' Dwayne said he's seen his daughter nude recently and she keeps her private parts pretty well trimmed. Andrea said she told her mother about this and she's not too thrilled. Her parents are divorced so she was the one to tell her mother about it.
Finally they had Donald and Valerie. Valerie told Howard that she's just doing this for the money. Her father said this doesn't bother him a bit because he saw her naked as a baby. Valerie said her father has some vision problems but he denied that. He said he wasn't sure why she was saying that. Valerie, who's only 23, has 3 kids so she can use the money. Gary told Howard about that and wondered if they're all from the same father. She said her first two are with one guy and the latest one is with her fiance. She said she asked her mother to watch her kids so she knows what she's up to today.
Howard got right into the game and asked the questions. Here's how it went:
A listener called in and asked if Howard was going to do anything else with the father/daughter teams. Howard and Gary said they weren't sure they wanted to see that. When Gary asked the losing fathers if they'd be willing to spank their daughters for $3,000 they said yes.
Today's ''It's Just Wrong'' is scheduled to air on E! next Thursday and Friday, October 24-25.
Gary made one last offer of $1000 for two of the daughters to kiss each other. Two of them went for it and Dwayne said it looked good. Billy Sue and Valerie were the two that kissed. Howard wrapped up ''It's Just Wrong'' after the girls did their thing.
Howard was talking to Corey Feldman about working with Rob ''Meat Head'' Reiner. He was also talking about how hot Linda Blair was and how he couldn't pay attention to Corey because she was so hot. Her laugh was kind of annoying to him and he said that she'd have to get rid of that for him to be with her. Howard spent a little more time talking to Corey about banging chicks like Drew Barrymore. Corey wasn't giving many details about that though.
Howard moved on to the game and gave Corey and Linda 5 categories to choose from. Corey almost walked out as soon as he heard a category about celebrities who left the business before their time. Howard talked him into staying. Howard went through a bunch of questions and a few of them were related to both Corey and Linda. Linda ended up blowing away Corey in the game.
Today's Game Show Week special was over by about 11:30am.
HollyWeird Squares. 2/23/99. 7:50am
Wow! Two game shows in two days. Today Howard had Tom Bergeron from ''The New Hollywood Squares'' TV show play ''HollyWeird Squares'' against frequent guest, Slow Adam. Howard said they had Tom booked for the show and didn't know what to do with him so they set up this game. Howard spoke to him for a couple of minutes then moved on to the big game. They had 9 guests stars to play the game and here's how they lined them up in the squares:
|High Pitched Eric|
|High Pitched Eric|
Big Foot Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire. 11/30/99. 7:40am
Seven foot five inch tall Matt McGroary, AKA Big Foot, came in this morning to play a quick game of ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire.'' Howard told Big Foot that it looks like he's gained some weight since they saw him last. Big Foot swore that he's actually lost weight but Howard said he saw a gut on the guy. He told Howard that he's gotten a few jobs since moving out to Los Angeles including working on the Drew Carey show, The Pretender and other TV shows. He said he's not getting laid out there though. He came back to the east coast to visit his family for Thanksgiving. Howard got around to playing ''Who Wants To Be A Turkish Millionaire'' but gave Matt a break on a couple of questions because he didn't know the answer. He didn't know the name of the guy who came up with the Polio vaccine or who played Emma Peale in ''The Avengers'' TV show so Howard just skipped them. Here are the three questions Matt got right:
Howard said that they had some beautiful ladies in the studio to play The Porn Star Feud today. He went right into an introduction that Fred had done for the Feud. They had an old porn stars and a young porn stars team in there to compete against one another. Howard said that all of the porn stars were currently working in porn. He said hello to Carmen Luvana first and then Ava Rose and then Bree Olson. They were all on the young team. Kathy Jones, Rosie Bam and Blue Iris were on the old team. Howard said hello to everyone quickly.
Artie asked Blue if he could fuck her today since he's turning old tomorrow. He turns 40. Blue said ''Yeah'' to him when he asked.
Howard said that he's been beating off to Carmen Luvana lately and he told her that she's really hot in her movies. She said that she gets to pick the guys she's with in the movies but the other porn stars are picked by the producers. Howard named some of her movies and asked her about her life. She said that she's with a guy right now. She also says that the Wheel of Benjy was the worst part of her career. Benjy got to stick his toe inside of her. She said that she made him put on like 5 condoms on his feet. She said that he's actually awesome and very nice so she didn't want to bad mouth him. She said that he's always very cool to her when he sees her at these conventions and stuff. Howard went on to play a clip from one of her movies, ''Perfect Secretary,'' where she's asking a guy for some cock in her pussy.
Howard asked Carmen who she thinks is going to win today. She wasn't sure. Howard said that the grand prize money for this event is courtesy of AdamEve.com. He moved on to Ava Rose next and asked her about her career a little bit. He played a clip from her movie ''Fuck for Dollars'' where she's talking dirty to a guy and he's saying that her pussy is a great penis punching bag. She told Howard that she was pretty conservative when she was young. Howard told Robin that Ava's sister is also in porn. He asked her about her breast size but she didn't know because she never wears a bra. She said that they're real but they were so big that Howard was shocked.
Howard asked Ava if she'd have sex with Artie if he offered her ten grand. She said no so Howard asked her why she wouldn't do that but she will have sex in movies for money. She said that it was the guy he was asking her about.
Howard moved on to Bree Olson and asked her about her life. She was new to the show so Howard wanted to get to know her a little bit. She said that she used to watch Howard's TV show many years ago. She said she knew she wanted to do porn when she was about 12. She said that she was going crazy at 12 and doing girls and stuff as early as 9. She said that she still likes to bang a chick once in a while but she's mostly into guys. Howard played a clip from her movie ''Cock Craving Cuties'' to let everyone hear what she does in her movies. He played another clip from one of her other movies after that as well. She likes to be dominated so she told Howard that he could spit in her mouth and stuff like that.
Howard moved to the other team, Old Porn Stars, and said hello to Kathy Jones who claims to be one of the dirtiest old chicks in movies. She's done a lot of stuff in her movies and said she loves gang bang movies. She said that it's tough to compete against the young girls in the business though. She has kids that don't know what she does for a living so Howard asked her how that's possible. Blue vouched for her and said that she's a great mother. Richard came in and asked if they could have lathy and Blue make out with each other. Howard asked them to do it so they went right to it. Howard sounded a little shocked by what he was seeing.
Howard played some of Kathy's movie ''Mature King 14'' and she makes some very odd noises when she's having sex. Howard asked Carmen if she wants to be doing this stuff when she gets old. She said she hopes not to be in porn too much longer. Howard played another clip from one of Kathy's movies where she ends up sucking the orderly's cocks at an old age home. Howard asked her what that was like for her. She said it was wonderful and she'll take any younger guy she can get.
Howard moved on to Rosie Bam and said that she just recently got into porn. She's only been in 10 movies. She's almost 50 years old and she said that it's never too late to get into this stuff. Howard asked her about the anal sex scenes and what she has to do to prepare for that. She said she just tells the guys to slip it in there, she doesn't prepare at all. Howard said she does some impressions so he had her do those. She did Sandra Bernhard and Katherine Hepburn, which actually sounded very similar. She also has kids that don't know what she does for a living. She said that the kids have moved on and don't live with her anymore. She has a 24 year old, a 15 and an 18 year old. The 15 year old lives with her grandparents. Howard played one of her porn scenes and she gagged on something at the end of that. She said it was cum that she'd saved up in there.
Howard moved on to Blue Iris who made out with Artie the last time she was on the show. Howard talked about some of the movies she's been in and asked her what she's doing these days. She said she just did a new one with Ron Jeremy and Dick Nasty and that's being edited now. Howard played a clip from one of her old movies that they've played on the air before.
Howard said that he had some audio of Kathy and Blue working together on a movie. He played that clip and then moved on to the Porn Star Feud. He mentioned AdamEve.com and then moved over to a podium they had set up in the studio for him. He gave everyone their plugs as he was getting ready to play.
They moved on to the next question which was ''Name something female porn stars hate doing when shooting porn.'' Number one answer was ''Anal'' and Ava came up with that so the young girls took it. Howard asked Bree for another answer. She said ''gang bangs'' and it wasn't on the board. Carmen said ''Cum on the face'' and got the number 2 answer. Ava said ''Swallowing'' and got that as the number 3 answer. Bree gave another answer of ''DP (Double Penetration)'' which was number 4 on the board. Howard asked Carmen for the next one. She said ''Extremely huge dicks'' which wasn't on the board. Ava was up and said ''Cum swapping'' which wasn't on the board so they had three strikes. Blue Iris was up and said ''Triple penetration'' which wasn't up there. The Young girls won that one. The rest of the answers were deep throat, shitting or skat films and also faking orgasms.
Howard had Carmen and Blue come up to the podium. The next question was ''Name something that annoys you about semen.'' Blue said ''a bad odor'' and it was number 3 on the board. Carmen said ''bad taste'' and got number 2 on the board. The young girls took it and Ava was up next. She said ''it burns when it gets in your eyes'' and got the number 5 spot on the board. Bree was up and said ''the nasty texture'' which was ''sticky'' on the board. Carmen was up and didn't have an answer. Ava was up again and didn't have an answer either. She had to come out and show everyone her ass because she missed it. Bree was up and said ''when it gets in your hair'' and that one wasn't on the board either. The old ladies weren't able to steal. The final answer was ''Stains the clothing.'' Kathy missed that one so Artie said that she had to show her ass. It must not have looked that great because the guys sounded disgusted by what they were seeing. Artie said it looked like Jeff Curro's ass from two years ago.
Howard had Bree and Kathy come up next. Their question was ''Name something that turns you off most about men while having sex.'' Bree got it and said that men have an odor. She got number 3 on the board. Kathy said ''too much hair and got number 2 on the board. She took the question for the old ladies so they had to come up with more answers. Rosie said ''when guys stick their cock all the way up her asshole.'' That wasn't up on the board. Rosie ended up showing her ass to the guys after that. Artie had asked to see Bree's ass and said his breakfast might be coming up soon.
Blue Iris said ''Bad breath'' and got a correct answer. Howard moved on to Kathy again and she said that guys smell like urine on their cock. That was already on the board with odor. Rosie was up and said that when guys ask her to have her eyeballs roll back into her head and missed that.
The young girls took it and Carmen said ''Sweat''' which was up on the board. They stole the points from the old ladies so they won with that. Howard said the rest of the answers were ''talking,'' ''balls,'' ''premature ejaculation'' and ''small penis.''
Blue said she had sex with a priest one time and he had the tiniest dick she'd ever seen but he made her cum 6 times. Howard wrapped up the game after that and got in some plugs for everyone. AdamEve.com has a special offer on the movie ''Eden'' and all of the young porn stars are in that movie. You can find the movie deal at AdamEve.com/eden.
Howard gave everyone plugs for their web sites again and then Mike Gange asked if anyone wanted to ride the Sybian. Bree was up for it so Howard sent her over to the sex machine. She stripped down but kept her underwear on. She got on the Sybian and said she was going to think about Howard the whole time. She was telling Howard she was thinking about his cock going in and out of her as Gary turned up the speed of the Sybian. She was breathing heavy and finished pretty quick. She was shaking from it according to Howard. Bree said she loved it.
The guys asked Kathy if she wanted to ride it. She did want to do it but she wanted to keep her pants on. Will asked her to take her top off but he seemed to be the only one who wanted to see that. She got on the Sybian and took her top off. Everyone sounded shocked by what they had seen. Gary said he was going to take his mask off since it didn't matter now. Artie said it was fine with him and the first time it didn't matter that he had his mask off. Kathy finished up pretty quick which was fine with everyone. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
''Wuz Up Wit My Secret'' Game. 9/30/97. 9:25am
Paul Rodriguez stuck around to play this game called ''Wuz Up Wit My Secret''. Two other people came in to be the 3 member panel of players. Richard Johnson of the New York Post and Howard's favorite Scores manager Lonnie Hanover were the other 2 players. A man entered the room in the back and the object of the game was to guess what his secret was. He was a stand up comedian and he sounded a little bit like Chris Rock. He did a minute or so of his routine and it was mostly about the white man. Paul Rodriguez was the first player. He asked the following questions:
Howard had Rob Lowe in the studio and took a bunch of calls from women who wanted to go out on a date with him. They asked each of the women some questions about what they would do for Rob on the date. They found some very willing women who were up for just about anything with Rob.
The women told some stories that were pretty graphic. They were a little too much for the air so Howard had to dump out of a few of the conversations they were having.
Howard's mother called in at one point and asked the women of America what was going on with them. She said she couldn't understand why the women were acting this way. She said that they have to uphold their dignity. Howard spent a short time arguing with her about that. He was trying to explain to her that times have changed since she was younger. She didn't seem to get that. Howard told his mom that he respects her and they will stop with the sex talk.
Howard let his mom go and got the girls back on the phone. Some of them felt kind of bad after they heard his mother going off on them. Howard had Rob pick a woman to go out with. Rob ended up picking the third woman they got on the phone. He said he liked all of them but went with her only because they made him choose.
Win Fred's Money With Crazy Cabbie. 1/4/01. 9:15am
Crazy Cabbie needs some money so he asked to play a game of Win Fred's Money today. Howard said it was okay and had him come down to play a quick game. If Cabbie wins he gets $10,000 courtesy of the TV shows Sex Wars and National Enquirer's Uncovered. Howard sent Fred into Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions. He then asked the following questions:
Fred didn't know why he went back to the Barbra Streisand question. He thought he might get it if he heard it again but it didn't come to him.
Later in the show Gary came in and said that a bunch of people told him that because Cabbie is an employee of the station, he can't win the money. The rules said that no employees are eligible to win so he might be out of luck. Howard wanted them to give it to him anyway but they may have to wait until tomorrow when Tom gets back to find out. Cabbie said that's the story of his life. He won but then they yanked it back from him. Scott the engineer came in and congratulated Cabbie on being a bigger loser than him. Howard said that Cabbie deserves it and he'll fight for him to get it.
William Shatner Plays Butt Billionaire. 3/13/02. 7:20am
William Shatner came in to promote the movie ''Showtime'' which he's appearing in along with Eddie Murphy and Robert De Niro. Howard spoke to him about that for a short time and also about his web site WilliamShatner.com. He was also promoting his video ''Mind Meld - Secrets Behind the Voyage of a Lifetime.'' That's the tape where Shatner and Leonard Nimoy talk about the old days and Shatner apparently farts during their discussion.
Howard brought in porn star Tabitha Stevens (TabithaStevens.com) who is offering up anal sex to a lucky listener. He spent a few minutes with Tabitha and she told Howard that she's a big fan of Shatner's. She said she used to watch him on TV when she was a child and always said she'd like to marry him.
Shatner was playing for this guy Jeff who came in. Jeff has some problems including an arm that's paralyzed from an accident he was in back in 1986. Jeff was drunk and very belligerent during the whole thing. He was loud and very obnoxious. He even threatened Shatner telling him he'd better win him the anal. Howard spoke to him for a few minutes and then got to the game ''Butt Billionaire.''
William Shatner had to answer 3 out of 5 questions correctly to win the anal sex with Tabitha for Jeff. Howard asked Shatner the following questions:
Howard let Shatner go but he spent a few more minutes with Jeff and Tabitha. Howard told Jeff that he has to treat her gently when he gets this prize. He kept saying that he's a nice guy and said he'd be very nice to her.
Artie Lange did an impression of Jeff that was like a drunken Bill Cosby doing a Jello Pudding commercial. That's the best way to describe Jeff's voice. Howard said he kind of looks like a full sized Hank the Dwarf.
Howard said William Shatner literally ran out of the studio after the game. He said he ran at ''warp speed'' after the craziness. Jeff apparently tried to shake his hand but Shatner just ran out. Howard congratulated Jeff and ended the craziness shortly after that.
Howard had Kurt Waldheim in the studio to play a game of Guess Who's The Jew. He spent a few minutes talking to Kurt about the Jews and various racist stuff. Then Howard got a player on the phone to play along so they could try and win something. Howard had a guy on the line so he asked him what religion he was. They spent a short time talking before Howard got fed up with the guy and hung up on him. He got another guy on the line and tried him out instead.
The caller wasn't a big fan of the Jews and told Howard the problems he has with them. Kurt was also throwing out some of his racial humor as they were talking. After a few minutes Howard had Kurt play his game where he gives the caller 3 names to pick from and the guy has to pick which one is the Jew.
Kurt gave the caller the three names which were Marsha Mason, Dina Shore and Angie Dickinson. The caller picked Marsha Mason. Howard picked Dina Shore and got it right. The caller didn't win. Howard let him play a second round though. Kurt gave out the next names which were Mick Fleetwood, Mark Knopfler and Paul Williams. The caller guessed it was Paul Williams. Howard picked Mark Knopfler and got it right again. The caller wasn't doing too well with the game.
Howard got dressed up in a Dashiki and Afro and called himself Alex Treblack for this game of Black Jeopardy. Jackie was also dressed up but Fred and Billy West weren't. Howard went on to say that he had invited 3 African Americans from Harlem to come up and play this game. Gary told Howard that one of the guys was on the phone telling his grandmother to tune in and listen but he had to get on and explain it to the woman.
Howard brought in the three contestants who were all men. He spoke to each one for a short time before getting into the game. Howard told them that he was going to be Alex Treblack and asked them what their names were. He ended up giving them new names like Louis Farakook, Bill Avoida and Jesse Jacksoff. The guy that got the Jesse name didn't like that so Howard had to come up with something else. He gave him Will Fare instead. That guy gave Howard a name of Mighty Whitey.
Howard moved on to the game after spending a few minutes talking to the guys about what they do for a living and stuff like that. Gary ran down a list of prizes they had and the grand prize was a ski package. Howard wondered why they had that since he figured there weren't many black guys from Harlem who ski. Howard had Gary mix up the tickets so the winner would get Knicks tickets and the loser gets the ski package.
Howard gave the guys their categories and then had them try to answer the questions he had for them. They had all kinds of questions about sports, potpourri, black leaders, television and more. Will Fare lost and Bill Avoida came in second. Louis Farakook won the game.
The Slice Is Right! 6/13/96.
How's this for a game show? You have a transsexual and two strippers, you line them up and hide everything except for their private parts, and have people guess who's got the fake 'gina. The transsexual, Sara formerly Jeff, was plugging it's web site and t-shirt that it brought in for Howard. The other two real women are from Al's Diamond Cabaret, a strip joint. The three of them got in to some kind of box and got in to position. It was only Howard, Jackie and Fred playing since Robin had accidentally seen the contestants in the box during a commercial break. All three of them guessed correctly. They said that the fake vagina looks pretty accurate but the area surrounding it didn't quite cut it. The next contestants were normal(?) people picked up off the street, literally. Stuttering John went out and found some unusual contestants. The first one was a homeless woman that may be Mexican. John put her on the phone with Howard and she mumbled something and took off her own clothes! Her words weren't even words! John got a couple of other guys and they came in to guess. The homeless woman was the funniest part of this whole thing! All three of these people guessed and one of them was actually WRONG! Howard asked him if he had ever even had sex with a woman and he said that he had. He also said that he wasn't a homo. He said that his view was blocked during the competition. The homeless woman was wearing some kind of cloth. She took it off and took some tinsel off the 'gina box and dressed herself in it! What a wacky morning.
Today's Game Show Week was over around 11:30am.
The Homeless Game. 4/1/99. 8:15am
The guy who gave Howard the name of the Wayne Rogers movie asked if he could play the homeless game as a reward for his help. Howard agreed and let him play. This time it was Lisa the blind Playmate who was on the show March 17. They gave her the homeless questions and it turned out to be pretty interesting. Here's the first warm-up question:
|Question||Caller Says||Playmate Answer||Correct Answer?|
|How many wheels on a tricycle?||Y||Three||Y|
|Can you name one Poultry.||Y||Chicken||Y|
|Who fought the Civil War?||N||George Washington||N|
After the caller played everyone else in the studio bet on the game. Howard was losing every bet he made. He was down $400 to Jackie by the end of the game. It turned out that everyone but Howard was given the answers so they could play an April Fools joke on Howard. It worked perfectly and freaked Howard out. He told them he'd get them back next year. Here are the questions:
|Name one country that fought against the US in World War II.||Germany||Y|
|Who wrote ''Mein Kampf''?||Abe Lincoln||N|
|Who was the first president of the US?||Don Cherry||N|
|What president is on the 1 dollar bill?||George Washington||Y|
|What president is on the 5 dollar bill?||Abe Lincoln||Y|
|What is 10 percent of 100?||Ten||Y|
|What is 20 percent of 200?||Twenty||N|
|Who is buried in Grant's tomb?||King Tut/Grant||N/Y|
|What is an aluminum can made of?||Aluminum||Y|
|Who wrote ''Tom Sawyer''?||Mark Twain||Y|
|Who wrote ''The Catcher In The Rye''?||Dahl||N|
|Fill in the blank.. The ___ Stooges.||Three||Y|
|What is the square root of 81?||Four||N|
|How many sides on a rectangle?||Four||Y|
|How many pints are in a quart?||One||N|
|How many inches are in a foot?||Sixteen||N|
|How many feet in a yard?||Twelve||N|
|How many centimeters in a meter?||No idea||N|
|Canada is north or south of the US?||North||Y|
|How many states are in the US?||Fifty two||N|
Time To Play ''Black Freaky Feud.'' 03/01/05. 8:10am
Howard came back from break and mentioned tonight's E! show and then said he was handed a piece of paper that has lit a fire under his ass. He said he will comment on that after the Freaky Feud game. He then got his wireless microphone and became the host of Black Freaky Feud in honor of Black History Month... a day late. Howard introduced King of All Blacks and his family who were there to compete against a bunch of white boys who were wiggers. King of all Blacks had his cousins Lenard and James with him to play. Howard then moved over to the Wigger family. Howie the Wigger was interviewed first. Howie said he grew up on Staten Island and knows all about the black lifestyle. Chris the Wigger was up next and he says he's got a lot of black friends. Howard asked him if he uses the N-word with his friends. He said he does but he wouldn't say it on the air. Wigger James was up next and said that he's like a black guy because he was raised around black guys.
Howard explained the game as being just like Family Feud and started it a few seconds later. The first question was ''What is the worst insult to call a black man?'' Number one on the list was ''Nig***'' of course. King of All Blacks side got the first round but couldn't get any of the other answers. The Wigger side blew it as well so the Blacks got the round. Number 5 was Cotton Picker, 4 was Lazy, 3 was Bitch and number 2 was Coon.
The second round question was ''Name an ugly black woman.'' Chris named Oprah Winfrey which came up at number 3. Lenard gave the name Whoopi Goldberg which was number 1 on the list. Howard went over to the Black family and asked them to name another ugly black woman. King said ''Star Jones'' who came in at number 2. Black James was stumped and couldn't come up with another ugly black woman. They blew it so it went over to the Wigger family. They guessed Queen Latifah but she wasn't on the list so the Blacks got the points. Number 6 was Dionne Warwick, number 5 was Mother Love, 4 was Omorosa from The Apprentice.
Round three's question was '' Besides the N-word, what name do blacks call each other?'' King came up with ''Dog'' and that came up as number 2. Howard asked the Blacks for more answers and ''Homie'' came up as well as ''Bro or Brother.'' James guessed the N-word but he obviously didn't understand the question. The blacks ended up winning by default when the Wiggers couldn't come up with an answer. The number 5 answer was ''Dude'' and the number 4 answer was ''Man''
Round four was ''Name a famous black person who acts white.'' The Blacks took it when they got Bryant Gumbel. They blew it after that when they couldn't guess any of the other answers. The Wiggers came up with Tiger Woods and won the round but they only had 22 points while the Blacks had over 100. The other names on the list were Bill Cosby, Cuba Gooding Jr., Oprah Winfrey and Colin Powell. The Blacks won the $2,500 prize so Howard asked them what they were going to do with the money. They all had it spent on useless stuff already.
Gary came in and said that Zolar was on the phone and wanted to tell Howard that one of the guys, James, is not King's cousin and robbed him, High Pitch Eric and Andrea (Miss Howard Stern) of $10,000 each while they were out in Las Vegas last year. James said that wasn't true and he had some video of Zolar and Andrea (Miss Howard Stern) that he wanted to show to Howard. Zolar said that James took a lot of video and then another company came in and made ''Dopes Go Wild'' and paid Zolar (and the others) their $10,000 each. Howard cut them all off and went to commercial a short time later.
Howard had Fred come in as Kurt Waldheim Jr. to play Guess Who's The Jew to give away some Richard Pryor concert tickets. Fred did his Kurt character and threw out some racial comments and anti-Semitic stuff. Howard was doing an impression of a deaf comedian telling jokes during the segment too.
Howard went to the phones and found a player for the game. He hung up on one guy because his radio was turned on when he picked up. He found a guy to play and Fred, as Kurt, gave out the names Pia Zadora, Tom Arnold and Yoko Ono. The caller guessed that the Jew was Tom Arnold. He was correct and Kurt let him know that he actually converted to Judaism.
The Newlyweird Game or The Nearlywed Game... Whatever. 10/1/02. 7:55am
Today's game was supposed to be called the Newlyweird Game but Vinnie Favale from CBS suggested they call it the Nearlywed Game. Howard wanted to change it to the Nearlywed but the E! guys said they couldn't change the graphics they'd already created for the game.
Howard had his girlfriend in already so he had Robin's Mr. X come in and Artie's girlfriend Dana come in. He spent a few minutes talking to each of them. Mr. X was in a costume to disguise himself. Even Howard's not sure why that is though. He said it was like the mask from the movie ''Scream.''
Double A was also allowed in to stare at Beth. Howard was afraid that Double A would freak her out and scare her but Beth said it was fine if he sat in for the whole game.
After talking to everyone, Howard took a commercial break so they could send the women off to a sound proof booth. When they came back Vinnie Favale from CBS took over as host. He had three questions for the guys. He asked them the questions and then brought the women in to match up their answers. Here are the first three and their answers:
After that Howard took another break so they could send the guys off to the sound proof room while the girls answered their questions. When they came back Vinnie asked the girls their questions:
They replayed the tape of Beth's answer and she started to say ''Oil and vinegar'' but cut herself off saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' Gary said the audience was against him already and they were calling in to complain. Howard said that it's obvious that vinaigrette is the same as oil and vinegar. They continued to argue for another 5 minutes about the ridiculous question. Howard refused to accept that he was wrong. It was all over the definition of vinaigrette.
Howard offered to give the money to Artie and Dana but they refused to take the winnings also. Howard eventually blamed Vinnie for not getting a definitive answer from her.. but he really did because she made it clear it was ''vinaigrette on the side.''
Robin was actually crying in the middle of the game because it was so sad that they weren't getting any of the questions correct. They blew every one!
Howard continued to argue over the way the game was played. After hearing the playback of Beth's answer, he thought that she said ''oil and vinaigrette'' before saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' They asked Fred what he thought about the whole thing. Fred said that oil and vinegar and vinaigrette are completely different so Howard lost the game. They also continued to bother Vinnie about why he didn't get a clarification on exactly what her answer was supposed to be. When Howard finally wrapped it up, no one was taking the money. They were still arguing about it right up until 9:20 or so.
After the break Howard said that Robin should have kept quiet during the game because Dana changed one of her answers thanks to her. The question about the physical feature thing threw a wrench into the whole thing because Dana was going to say that Artie's weight was the one feature that he doesn't like. Robin told her to be more specific. If she hadn't done that she may not have said ''stomach'' and would have gotten that one wrong.
Howard took a call from a chef who told Howard that a vinaigrette's definition is ''oil and vinegar mix'' so it's the same thing. He was saying that it should mean that Howard won on that question. Howard figured that it was just the fact that no one could stand that he and Beth won the game. They continued to argue for a couple more minutes about it.
Howard said that his General Manager Tom Chiusano was asked by Mr. X if he should wear the mask or not. Good ol' Tom told Mr. X that he should wear a mask. Howard said he didn't understand why he'd do that because his audience would want to see Mr. X, not a guy in a mask. He said out of everyone he was pissed at Tom the most for telling Mr. X to wear that ridiculous mask. He said you couldn't hear what he was saying. Tom said that's part of Howard's ''schtick'' and he thought it would be funny.
Howard took a few phone calls after the arguments and then let Robin get to her news. Howard was still refusing to take the money from Artie for the game.
Howard Meets Jarrett And Nikki The Stripper. 03/19/04. 8:50am
Howard said they got a letter from this guy who was very arrogant about how he can beat Fred in ''Win Fred's Money'' and he can also beat him in a guitar competition. Howard read the letter and the guy really thinks that he can beat Fred at any of this stuff. He also brought in a chick to get naked if he loses the game. He had to hire a stripper after the woman he had scheduled to come with him backed out.
Howard had Gary bring in this guy and the stripper so he could meet them. They weren't ready for the game for some reason. Howard said the stripper was hot and he would like to see her naked. Nikki said that she can be hired through CT-Striptease.com. She's only 18 years old. Howard said she looks like a baby. She just graduated high school last year. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Nikki who said that her parents aren't too thrilled with what she's doing for a living. She said she's not really into girls that much but she does do some stuff for bachelor parties.
Howard said that Nancy Odell was supposed to be in today but she backed out. Gary told Howard he thinks that her people thought that it might not be that good for her to be on with all of the controversy going on about his show.
Howard got back to the stripper and asked her about when she started having sex and stuff like that. She started when she was 14 with a 16 year old. She talked about the outfits she wears when she strips and about the kind of money she can make doing it.
The guy who was going to play against Fred was Jarrett. He and Fred went at each other for a minute. Jarrett was rambling a bit and not making all that much sense so Howard just moved on to the game. He said that Bally Total Fitness is putting up the money for the game today. Jarrett tried to do a Woody Allen impression but the guys were already hating him. Nikki said she didn't know what she was getting into until about 20 minutes before she came in. It was a last minute thing for her. Gary thought that she was too cute to be doing bachelor parties.
Nikki said she didn't blossom until her senior year in high school. She said she lost some weight and got a nose job. She said that she never does the guys from the bachelor parties. She said the guys that come to the strip clubs are usually the guys who can't get any ass. Howard told her that he goes to Scores and he gets plenty of ass. She said that he's Howard Stern though so that's a different story. Howard had to take a break before getting to the game.
A Quick Game Of Win Fred's Money. 03/19/04. 9:20am
After the commercial break Howard got right back to Jarrett and Nikki the stripper. Howard said that Nikki was behind a curtain naked so if Jarrett loses, they drop the curtain and get to see her naked. Howard ended up yelling at Scott the Engineer for a minute about not having the equipment set up correctly for them. He didn't have time to screw around with that though so he got back to Jarrett.
Howard sent Fred into Robin's sound proof booth so they could play the game. Jarrett did his horrible Jackie Mason impression for about 3 seconds before Howard cut him off and played the game. Jarrett has to answer as many of the 7 questions as possible in 1 minute. If he beats Fred he wins.
Jarrett also claimed to be better than Fred on guitar so Howard made him go over and play for them. Jarrett said he would play whatever they wanted him to. He jammed for a few seconds and then played something that wasn't recognizable. It was horrible so Howard made him stop. It didn't help that the amplifier was squealing like crazy. He made Scott turn it off because of that. Scott's excuse was that they hadn't used it in a long time, that's why it sounded like crap. Howard told Nikki she looked beautiful and wished Jarrett luck with his personality. He sent them on their way after that and took another break.
Arlene Francis and Kitty Carlisle were on the show to play What's My Secret with a woman, Heather, who used to be a Miss Hemisphere and Miss New York State. Kitty and Arlene asked Heather a bunch of questions trying to find out what her secret was. It turns out she was a Lesbian.
Homeless Jeopardy. 8/4/99. 7:40am
One of Howard's sponsors, USABanc.com, gave him the chance to give away $10,000 in a game so Howard took that and rounded up a few homeless guys to play ''Homeless Jeopardy.'' They found 3 guys, Johnny P., Pops and Kato. Howard spoke with each guy for a minute to find out about them. Johnny P. didn't give specifics but said there were a lot of reasons for him being on the streets. Howard asked him what he would do if he won the 10,000 bucks. Johnny said he'd take Robin to dinner. Next up was Pops. Pops could also be called ''Mumbles'' or ''Spits'' because that's what he did. Out of 10 words from his mouth you're lucky to understand one. The third contestant was Kato. Kato said that alcohol is the reason he's been on the streets for 3 months. He said he'd pay his bills with the money if he won. Howard also had 22 year old dancer Susan from Fantasies in Keyport, NJ taking care of the Jeopardy board. She was showing off her 2 month old breast implants for all the guys. There were 5 categories including Politicians, Famous Couples, History, Current Events and Potpourri. Howard had Johnny P. Start off the game. Johnny P. was pretty good at the game and answered more questions than either of the other guys. After the 25 questions were answered, Johnny P. came out with $1900 while Pops came in a distant second with $300. Poor Kato was in a very distant third with -$1800. Johnny P. was thrilled to win because when he first came in he didn't believe there was actually a $10,000 prize. He said that there was no way he could cash a check that large though. He didn't want to discuss why that was. Daniel Taylor from USABanc.com came in with the check and presented it to Johnny P. Howard eventually told Gary that he might be able to cash the check and give the cash to Johnny P. Johnny P. Said that tonight he's going to be a ''..real fly guy..'' tonight. He said he's going to get some women. Daniel also offered to help out the other guys by helping them get jobs through some program called the Doe Fund. Pops mumbled ''God bless'' over and over again to everyone. Pops also told Howard that he used to be in ''The Drifters'' singing group. He painfully sang a little bit of ''This Magic Moment'' and some other unrecognizable song. Very scary. Before Howard ended this thing Howard announced that K-Rock was giving 2nd and 3rd place winners $100 cash. Both losers were thrilled.
Howard had a woman by the name of Leeza come in to talk about being a lesbian and to help her find a date. Howard spent a few minutes asking her about her vital stats and what it's like being a lesbian. Howard asked her about her clothes, her shoes and figured that a lot of guys must come on to her. She said she really didn't know about that.
Jackie thought that she looked like Gary's wife but no one else agreed on that. Howard said that if he could have sex with her she'd never go back to lesbianism. He asked her how she got into it and how it all started. Leeza said it was an older woman who seduced her. She gave Howard a few details about that but Howard was still talking about banging her himself.
Howard said that he couldn't even stand up because he was aroused talking to this woman. Robin and Jackie told him to stand up but Howard refused. He got Leeza back into her lesbian stories and had her tell them some more details about her seduction.
Leeza told Howard about what happened when she was 17 and had a 32 year old woman seduce her. She said that the woman had her trying on some clothes and ended up hugging her and holding her very close to her chest. She said that she touched and caressed her and she didn't resist it. She said there were no words spoken.
Leeza said that she's also been with guys and she's had two guys in one day but not at the same time. She told him some details about that as well.
Leeza told Howard about another lesbian experience. Howard told her that she was too horny after hearing that story. Gary then came in and told him that he had a woman on the phone who had something to say to him. Howard picked up and let the woman tell him that she was bored with the show today. Howard hung up on her.
Howard moved on to take some phone calls from the women who wanted to date Leeza. Leeza spoke to each one for a few seconds and decided on the women she wanted to keep in the game. They found 3 women to play Dial-a-Date after going through a bunch.
Howard gathered the girls and asked them a bunch of questions and had Leeza pick one of the three. Before she picked a winner Leeza let Howard do some Butt Bongo on her. He played along to some Aerosmith ''Love in an Elevator.'' Leeza said she liked it and enjoyed having him playing on her ass.
Howard asked Leeza which woman she wanted after going through the details of each one that they had spoken to. Leeza picked number 3 so Howard let the others go.
Hank The Dwarf Vs. Mark McGrath Of Sugar Ray. 6/12/01. 8:35am
Hank the Dwarf came in this morning to compete against Mark McGrath of the band Sugar Ray in a game of Rock and Roll Jeopardy. Howard spent a couple of minutes with Mark first. He brought up how Scott Einziger from E! is dating Mark's ex-girlfriend Maya. Howard said that Maya tells everyone she meets that she dated Mark and it's pretty weird. Mark said he can't understand why she'd do that because they dated 7 years ago. Scott came in and said that when they first started dating he was a little intimidated that Maya had dated Mark but he's gotten over it. Howard also said that Maya said that the ''M'' tattoo on his chest stands for Maya. Scott told him that Maya told him that Mark said that's what it was for. Mark said that's possible but it really doesn't stand for Maya at all. Scott defended Maya and Mark said he wishes Scott and Maya all the best. He said he really doesn't have any animosity toward either of them. The two of them shook hands as Scott left the studio.
Howard quickly played a game of Rock and Roll Jeopardy with Hank and Mark. Hank has beaten two other people in the game including Gary and John the Stutterer. Howard ripped through 20-some questions and neither Hank or Mark were doing very well. Hank didn't seem to be his usual drunken genius self. Mark said he's not up on the classic rock stuff, he's more into the '80's stuff. By the end of the game Hank had about 5 more correct answers than Mark did so he won once again.
Howard then brought in a couple of interns who had gotten all dressed up for Mark. After checking out Shannon and Angela Howard told Mark that he's more than made up for losing to a drunken dwarf. Shannon also shared a story about how her mother used to hang out with Gene Simmons of KISS and Ozzy Osbourne when she was younger. Shannon said her mother says she wasn't a groupie though, she just hung out with them.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls for Mark. A majority of the callers asked Mark about dating Maya and what kind of sex he had with her. He said he never did anal with her but he did say that he slept with her well over 10 times.
Howard also had notes on Mark that said he's in some kind of war with a guy by the name of Matt Zane but Mark said he had no idea what he was talking about. He said ''it's all about love'' and he has no battles to speak of.
Howard took a break and came back so Sugar Ray could perform their new song ''When It's Over'' that's on their new self-titled album ''Sugar Ray''. Mark told Howard that the song is about relationships and that old cliche ''you don't know what you've got until it's gone.'' Howard wondered if it was about his ex-girlfriend Maya. Mark played along and said that of course it is and he'll even put her name in it when he sings it.
Craig Gass said a friend of his in the music industry told him a story about Mark going through a bunch of girls who were standing outside of his tour bus one time. He said that Mark picks and chooses which girls can stay and which have to go but Mark denied it saying it was an urban legend. The rest of the band stayed quiet about it. Howard then had them perform their song after introducing each of the members.
After performing that song Howard said he read a rumor that Mark enjoys golden showers (women peeing on him) but Mark said he's never tried that. He said he'd be willing to try it but he honestly hasn't done that yet. It was just an internet rumor according to Mark.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that everyone keeps talking about how good looking Mark is but he has giant nostrils. Mark said it's true and as a child other kids called him ''pig nose''. Hank came to Mark's defense and said that the caller's mother probably looks like a pig. Craig Gass came to life with his W.C. Fields/Edward G. Robinson impression as he egged Hank on to yell at the callers more. That continued through the rest of the interview every time Hank would say something. Craig would say ''Yeah, see.. yeah, yeah'' and rile up Hank a little more.
Howard interrupted the whole thing at one point because Beetlejuice was out in the hall crying. Howard heard that Beet was upset about the whole million dollar contest and he thought that he was going to win or something. Beet didn't want to even talk about it, he just wanted to leave. He was tired and didn't care about anything. He said no one was telling him anything and he didn't care. Howard tried to calm him down and get him to stay but he refused. Howard told him it was okay if he wanted to leave and go home to get some sleep. He told Beetle that he loves him and wouldn't want to upset him or want him to hate them for any reason. Mark McGrath and the band even agreed to sing ''Every Morning'' and throw Beetlejuice's name in there to cheer him up. Beet stuck around in a piss-poor mood as they did that. During the song Mark mentioned Beet's name and even asked him if he was feeling better. Beetle must have shook his tiny, giant tooth filled, head back and forth because Mark said ''no?'' after asking. He used Beetle's name about 20 times during the song but Beet was still sounded down after the song. Howard wrapped things up shortly after that.
Name that 'faeg'(fag)! 8/28/96.
A new game was unveiled this morning...'Name That Fag' (pronounced faeg by Howard). So there are 3 guys, one is gay and the other 2 are straight. All three were wearing mini-dresses. Howard said that he could see the size of each guys 'package' through the mini-dress. Each guy had some lines to read about being gay. All three sounded gay. Howard, Robin and Jackie had questions for a couple of the guys. Howard and Robin both thought they had it figured out as soon as they walked into the room. Well both Robin and Howard picked number 3. Jackie picked number 2. Jackie was actually the winner! Jackie said the third guy was too obvious and that he had to have been placed there on purpose. Well he was right. The third guy was someone that Steve Grillo knew from the play he's in. All three guys played the game very well. Howard wants to play again tomorrow since he had so much fun. One of the guys brought a model with him. Shelly has been in Vogue and Cosmopolitan magazine. Howard was in love with this 25 year old!
Today's Game Show Week ended around 11:00am. This was it for the week, just four days of Game Show Week. Tomorrow is Best Of The Week.