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Starting off the show this morning Howard talked about how he ''kind of'' had a nice weekend out in The Hamptons. He talked about the weather and how it was okay on Saturday but it got bad on Sunday. No matter what, it always takes him like 16 hours to get home to New York City. He feels like he has one day to his weekend because Sunday is spent driving back to the city. He said he has friends who go out there on Thursday afternoon and don't come back home until Wednesday so they don't have to worry about the traffic.
Ralph came over and hung out with Howard out there so he just spent some time with their friend Richie Notar who has a place out there as well. Howard said his buddy Ross has a house out there too and he stays out there for the whole week. He wants to befriend some people who have real jobs.
Howard talked about going to dinner with Dominic Barbara out in The Hamptons. He said he's done with Dominic but Beth invited him to a party she had out there. Beth is on the cover of Hamptons Magazine and they threw a party for her. Beth told Howard that he embarrassed Dominic at the dinner out there. Howard said he asked Dominic if he knew everyone's name at their table because he has been out with all of them and has hung out with them. He only knew half of the people's names. He wondered how someone could hang out with people like that and not learn their names. He doesn't even know Beth's last name, he pronounced it ''Otrosky'' instead of Ostrosky. Howard said that was close enough for him though.
The publisher of Hamptons Magazine, Jason Binn, showed up to the party with David Lee Roth that night at dinner. Howard tried to hook Dominic's wife with David Lee and got a bunch of pictures of them together. Howard had to get his picture taken with a bunch of people there as well as getting interviewed. He said he was drunk that night and doesn't remember if he was making sense as he was being interviewed.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he was amazed at how much David Lee Roth is into this Emergency Medical Technician work that he's doing now. Howard pointed out how that's the only other person Dominic was talking to at the party because he seems to think that he's a celebrity himself. Howard also brought up how Dominic didn't know people's names at the party even though he had hung out with them before. Dominic said that's a problem he's had for a long time. He's really bad with names. He can remember trial details but not people's names. Howard said Dominic fell asleep at the club they went to after the party. Dominic said he's an old man and that's why he fell asleep at the club.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about the decision he had to make on whether or not to leave The Hamptons on Sunday. He also said he saw ''The Manchurian Candidate'' and thought it was okay except for the ending that they messed up. Howard also said that he predicted that M. Night Shyamalan's movie ''The Village'' would make $52 million and it ended up making $50 million.
Howard talked about the terror threats that have been reported in the news over the past day or two. He and Robin talked about how the government hasn't done anything about this stuff yet so that's why there are still threats out there. Because of that Howard figured that people would want to get George W out of office. He thought that they'd like to give another guy 4 years to try and straighten things out. Over the weekend Howard's mother called him and asked him about the terror alerts. He talked to her about that and that got him thinking about how they really should move the show somewhere else. They were talking about working in Arizona or somewhere like that. Robin told him that he doesn't want to be in Arizona in the summer. Robin said the reason Imus looks so bad is because he spends so much time out in that area at his Cancer Ranch. Robin doesn't think that they should abandon ship and leave New York City.
Howard said that 'Little' Steven Van Zandt was coming in later in the show. He doesn't know all that much about the guy though. They talked about him working on ''The Sopranos'' and about the scarf he wears on his head to cover up the baldness. Howard said Sam Kinison used to wear something like that and he felt bad for the guy because he was trying to look cool. He said that Sam used to call him a good looking guy so he wondered what he was thinking. Howard said if Sam thought he was a good looking guy then what was Brad Pitt? He had to take a commercial break after talking about that for a minute.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that the guy has been there since before 4 this morning because he had another security guy take down the note that they ended up giving to Howard. While they waited for that guy Howard brought up a story about Paris Hilton being all bruised and claiming that Nick Carter had beaten her. Howard talked about that for a minute and said that it should be on tape because Paris never travels anywhere without a camera on her. He pointed out that she got right on camera after she was beaten and went out shopping. She had a fat lip and a black eye as well but it didn't stop her from shopping out in The Hamptons. Robin said this would have been great on that reality TV show of hers. Howard said they should have her on with Tom Sizemore because he'd teach her a lesson.
Howard asked Robin about the Mike Tyson fight and how he was knocked out in the fourth round. Robin said she didn't see it be read some stuff about it. Artie also heard that Tyson had knocked the other guy down a couple of times before the guy came back and knocked him out. They were talking about how Tyson is broke now and wondered what he did with all of the money he had.
Howard brought up a story about Michael Douglas' stalker whose lawyer is blaming Catherine Zeta Jones for his client's suicidal thoughts. Howard said he could never be a lawyer because he couldn't defend people like that. Robin and Howard talked about that for a little while and pointed out how crazy this chick sounds.
Nicolas Cage got married over the weekend so Howard brought that up and said that he's a weird dude as well. He married a waitress. The guys said that he seems like he's always trying to save people or something like that. Howard said this is some kind of weird trend in Hollywood and there are a couple of celebrities who are marrying waiters and waitresses.
The dad told the guys that he took his son to a Yankee's game when they showed up there because that was a wish his son had for the summer. Howard told the guy he had to be kidding with all of this stuff. Howard told the guy he was going to bring the kid in and make his father look like a champ because he feels bad for him. Howard said the guy is screwing up his kid but he was going to try and help him out. The guy said that he and his wife split up because she wasn't ''filling his needs.'' The guys talked to him about that for a few seconds before bringing the kid back in.
Howard asked the guy what his son's name was and brought him back in to talk to him. The kid, Nicholas, came back in and told Howard about what he and his father did while they were there. The guy took the kid shopping for new sneakers and to Toys R Us and stuff. Howard told the kid that his dad was a good guy. Then they found out that the kid is a diabetic. He carries around a fanny pack with the stuff he needs to check his blood. Howard asked Gary what they had for the kid as a prize for the kid. All they had was a picture and an autograph though. Gary told him that they had something from Steven Singer Jewelers but that was it. The kid said they already have 3 Xbox's so they don't need another one of those. The kid said they have two at his father's house so he and his sister don't fight over it. Howard spent another minute with the guy and his kid before wrapping up the interview.
Howard said he's gotten some voice mail from Eric the Midget who is upset that he's being used in Richard Christy's bits. Howard played one of the bits that Richard used recently to make a prank call to Gary the Retard. He used the voice mail to create a discussion with Gary the Retard where Eric complains about Howard using his voice and Gary says he has nothing to do with that.
Howard said Eric called back and complained again about his voice mails being used on the air. Eric said he does not leave these messages so they can be used in those ''stupid comedy bits.'' Eric called Howard a ''big nosed, dumbass'' for thinking that he's leaving those messages just for them to use in bits. There was a lot of noise coming from Eric's room when he made the call so the guys goofed on that. Howard said that he really does sound like a sinister villain when he leaves those messages. He and Artie had a little fun with that doing impressions of Eric for a few seconds.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Mike Tyson took home only $2 million of the $8 million he was paid for the fight this past weekend. He said that the courts are taking the rest of that money. The caller also asked Howard if he's still looking for moderators. Howard said he has a meeting with the guys from the web site today about a bunch of stuff including the bulletin board. Robin said she started a thread on the board over the weekend and ended up arguing with a bunch of people. Howard said that's what he ends up doing when he goes on there as well. Robin said she started a thread about the KoRn concert she went to recently and people just went off on her.
Howard said he's going to be having this meeting today to figure out just what they want the bulletin board to become. Robin said she kept getting booted off the bulletin board for some reason which was a good thing. She said she had to get back on just to get back into the fight though. Artie has been on there as well and people are nice at first, but then they start asking him ''when are you dying fatso?'' and stuff like that.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to talk about the Tyson fight. He said that Tyson used to have a posse surrounding him but now all he has is one guy and a trainer following him around. The one guy that follows him is an old Jewish guy. He wasn't sure if it was this guy Shelly Finkle that Howard and Robin knew. Chaunce also told Howard that Little Steven wears that scarf on his head because back in the 70's his head went through the windshield of a car. Howard and Robin didn't believe it though. They told Chaunce that Steven was screwing with him when he told him that. Will came in and told Howard he read similar stuff from a couple of sources. Howard told Chaunce he wasn't going to ask Steven about it though because there's no reason to. He told Chaunce he was being a jerk-off telling him to ask Steven to take that scarf off his head. He hung up on him and read some e-mail.
Howard got an e-mail from a guy who was happy to have him back on in San Diego. He said that his mood is much better at work now that he can hear his favorite show. The guy mentioned some of the stuff that he liked hearing when the show returned. One of those things was a George Takei thing. Howard said he was doing his Takei impression over the weekend. He was singing the Kidd Chris ''Sulu Dance'' song so they played that this morning. Howard loves that stuff and Beth was wondering what impression he was doing while they were out in The Hamptons. Robin wondered how Kidd Chris managed to get Takei to say ''Sulu'' the way he does it in the song. Howard said he got an interview with the guy and chopped it up.
Howard got a bunch of mail about the James Hetfield interview. A lot of people liked it but there was a guy who thought Howard was kissing his ass too much. Another guy thought the band sucks now that Hetfield is sober. Howard whipped through a bunch of other e-mail he's gotten lately. There was some about him going off on Don Imus. Some people wrote in about Chyna Doll's bad song. Others wrote in about the HowardStern.com bulletin board and complained that they can't get on. Howard has a bunch of people working on the board and they're trying to figure out how to make it work.
Howard mentioned something about the E! show but the delay got hit for some reason. He read a bunch of mail about Beetlejuice's appearance last week. There were also a lot of negative mails about him as well. Howard said that was surprising. Artie thought it was the best talk show appearance ever. One person wrote in and said that calling Beetlejuice retarded is an insult to retards. There was some mail about the Porn Star Olympics but Howard got the delay button hit on that for some reason as well. Howard read a few other things and then had to take a break before bringing 'Little' Steven Van Zandt in.
Steve and Howard talked about politics for a short time. Steve said he thinks that John Kerry is a good guy and talked with Howard about that for a short time. Howard then moved on to talk about the bandanna that Steve wears on his head. Steve said the story about him going through the window of a car is true and that's why he wears the thing. They only spent a few seconds on that before moving on to other stuff.
Howard brought up Steve's relationship with Bruce Springsteen and how he got all of the credit for the rest of the band's work. Steve said that he was friends with Bruce before the band was ever created. He told Howard how he'd run into Bruce once in a while playing at different places. They were only 15 or 16 at the time. Steve said that he got into music because he was a complete freak and misfit and didn't fit in anywhere else. He couldn't get laid even being in a band back then. That was a time when chicks wanted the football players and other athletes.
Steve said he had to teach himself how to play guitar because lessons weren't fun to him. He didn't want to learn how to play ''Old McDonald'' on his guitar. Steve went on to talk about how great the 70's were for him being able to get laid. He said that he had some good stories but he can't tell them on the air.
Howard went on to ask Steve how he and Bruce got together with their two bands. Steve said that the business had gotten kind of fragmented in the 70's. Bruce had gotten signed as a solo artist and put the band together himself. Bruce would pay the band as a backup band because he was the guy who was getting paid the money. Steve said he was making more money at the Stone Pony than he was making playing for Bruce back then. Howard figured that the E-Street Band got resentful and backed out of the Born in the USA tour because of that. Steve said that wasn't true and he was very supportive of Bruce. He ended up turning down the money for the Born in the USA tour and he does regret it these days. He said he had to go out and learn more about life and that's exactly what he did. That was the point when they were just starting to make money too. Steve said at the time, he felt it was the right thing to do.
Steve told Howard that he stayed friends with Bruce through all of that and that's why Bruce let him come back on tour with him eventually. He said he doesn't really hang out with Bruce these days because he just doesn't hang out. Howard said he's seen him hanging out in the city once in a while. He wanted to know if he hangs out with Bruce at his mansion in Jersey. He said he really doesn't and it's not because his wife doesn't like him or anything like that. Howard was saying that he thinks it's because Bruce's woman doesn't like him.
Robin wanted to know what the deal is with everyone sharing one microphone on stage when they sing. Steve got a little sidetracked when he talked about how he started his radio show because there was no place to play real rock and roll these days. He eventually got to the reason that they share one microphone on stage during a Bruce Springsteen concert. He said it's just to let the guys get close to each other because they're one big band.
Steve told the guys that he isn't drinking or doing drugs these days. He said back in the day he was doing some psychedelic stuff and drinking. He got off of all of that and now he's sober. Howard brought up Steve's radio show and about working on ''The Sopranos.'' Steve has a lot of stuff going on with his radio show and a couple of other shows he's producing for Sirius Satellite radio. He talked about the band The Rascals and how he's tried to reunite the three of them but they just don't get along for some reason. He said they're the three nicest guys but they just won't work together. He told a story about trying to get them back together for a show one time and before they went on they were packing up to leave.
Steve said he was introducing The Rascals at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction and that's when the creator of The Sopranos saw him and wanted to get him on the show. That's how his character got started on the show and evolved into what it is now. Steve told Howard that he did the hardest thing when he did his movie and had to act like himself. He said he could never do something like that.
Howard gave Steve a couple of plugs for his International Underground Garage Festival which is coming up on August 14th. You can get tickets at Ticketmaster.com. Robin told Steve about Howard's childhood band Electric Comic Book so Howard played him some of that for Steve but he just laughed when he heard it. Howard gave Steve a plug for his web site LittleSteven.com as well.
Howard took some phone calls for Steve before wrapping up the interview. One guy asked if the band is still playing together. Steve said he still plays with them and they'll probably come out with a new album eventually. Another guy told Howard that Steve leaving Bruce Springsteen was like Jackie the Joke Man leaving his show. Howard bailed out on the phone calls after that. They were too brutal.
Steve and Howard talked a little more about hanging out with Bruce Springsteen. They ended up goofing on the whole thing and wondered who else in the E-Street Band gets Bruce's phone number. Steve asked them to stop with that stuff because it's really not like that. Steve told Howard that he's going to be getting together with some people today for some drinks. Howard wanted to know more about who he was going to hang out with and where they go to hang out. He was very curious about it but Steve wasn't revealing all that much about it.
Howard and Artie were joking around about getting in on the hang out with Bruce tonight. That wasn't happening though. Howard also told Steve about how Nils Loftgren beat him at basketball years ago when they played one another. Howard said that he even had a 19 point lead but Nils still ended up beating him. Steve just laughed when he heard that. Howard wrapped up the segment right after that and went to commercial break.
Howard said he never really wanted to interview Victoria Gotti because he had no plans on talking about the Gotti family. He doesn't have a problem with her, he just wasn't sure he wanted to get involved. Victoria was on the line to talk about her new reality TV show ''Growing up Gotti'' with him. Howard got her on the line and said that he was actually afraid to talk to her. She was kind of upset that he said that because she's really not what people think she is. Howard kept telling her that he has no problem with anyone in her family. Robin was even saying that she didn't want to say anything wrong.
Victoria told Howard about her reality TV show, which airs on A & E tonight at 9:30pm. Victoria also talked to Howard about how she's divorced from her husband. Robin added that he's also in jail. Howard said that he's probably in there for no good reason. He and Artie told Victoria that Imus talks bad about her family all the time. They did that for a short time.
Howard asked her a couple of questions and apologized after a couple of them. Victoria was saying that she and her family enjoy his show quite a bit. Robin said that there was actually a bad review in one of the papers today. The guys wondered who would have the balls to do something like that. Howard joked that the guy was missing after printing that review.
Howard made sure he didn't ruffle any feathers with the Gotti family. He kept the interview easy and non-controversial. Victoria mentioned a book she wrote a few years ago and Howard told her it was an excellent book. There were other things she brought up but Howard didn't want to get too much into other stuff. She was being dragged off the phone because she had another interview to do. Howard asked her not to hurt him and wondered if he'd done everything the right way. Howard said he doesn't like to piss anyone off and that's why he was being so nice to Victoria.
Howard played more of Richard Christy's George Takei tape and goofed on it for a short time. He was able to use the tapes of Takei to create this conversation about ''doing Fred'' and even managed to find clips where he was able to make him say stuff about ''Scott the Engineer.'' The guys all seemed to like that bit.
Howard mentioned the E! show again and pointed out that M. Night Shyamalan would be on. Howard talked about how good Night's movie did over the weekend and talked about that for a minute. Howard was still thinking about the Victoria Gotti interview and tried to think if he had said anything about her that would get him in trouble. Artie told him it was a good idea not to take any phone calls during her call.
Howard finally got to the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape that he saw on the internet. He's been talking about playing it for over a week now. He talked about how he wasn't even sure it was really her because she looks very young in the tape. He explained what is happening in the video where she had just gotten her breast implants operation done. She was wearing giant panties and a bra. She was complaining about how hard her breasts were because of the operation as her boyfriend was demanding that she take the bra off. The guy just keeps pushing for her to take the top off so she eventually does. He also demands that she take off her panties which she also does reluctantly.
The guy keeps touching Gena's breasts even though they hurt and she keeps telling him that they hurt. Artie said it seems kind of creepy to him. The tape wasn't very sexual to Howard. He said he doesn't know what that's all about, it's just weird. The guy makes her get on all fours as Gena complains that she's in pain. He demands to see her ass, she shows him but complains the whole time. Howard said she was so not into doing it that she pleasured him for about 3 seconds and then wanted to see the tape. Robin said they should call Gena Lee and ask her if it was a real tape.
Howard replayed the Richard Christy tape again where he created the sex discussion with George Takei. Takei talks about his encounter with Fred in the lavatory and how he had a very exotic face which looked a bit Asian to him. Howard joked that about 40 percent of their guests do Fred in the bathroom.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this chick FearFairy was on the bulletin board this morning letting people see her on a web cam doing stuff naked. Howard told Robin that they have to get her on a camera to do stuff for the fans as well. The caller also said a few words about Chaunce who tried to ruin the movie ''The Village'' for everyone by posting the surprise ending. Howard let the guy go off on him for a few seconds and then took a commercial break before getting to Robin's news.
Howard had some tape of the guys trying to get Beetlejuice to read some promos last week when he was in. You have to tell Beetlejuice what to say but he doesn't pay attention and it turns into an Abbott and Costello bit. KC came in and told Howard how tough the whole thing was and he doesn't know why. They're usually able to get him to just repeat after them but this time it was really hard. Beetlejuice goes off on KC in one clip. He was ready to fight him over the whole thing. Howard said he could listen to that stuff all day long. Beetlejuice sounded really pissed off and he was saying he wasn't there to fool around, he was there to promote his stuff. Artie did an impression of Beetle for a few seconds before Howard had Robin start her news.
During the news this guy Dusty called in to tell Howard about how he was able to register to vote even though he's had seven felony arrests. He said he went to the DMV and they asked him if he wanted to register to vote. He said that he did and two weeks later he got his voter registration card. He talked about how wacky that state is with their laws. The guy said that his arrests were drug related. He never killed anyone. Howard thought that was kind of interesting.
A little later in the news a caller told Howard how the show was getting chopped up during some of the conversations they were having earlier. Howard told the guy that he's fed up with all of that and he's just being nice to the company by finishing out his contract with them. He's basically given up on fighting it with Tom Chiusano. He used to fight it with him but Tom basically tells him he's still making money so he shouldn't worry about it. Howard said the stuff they censor out of the show is all dumb stuff and there's no reason to bleep it.
Jeff said he didn't have a way to get to work so he just never went back to work after he lost his ride there. He told them about another job he had where he had to make sure that a ''line 17'' on a tax form had been filled out correctly. Jeff told them that he got fired from that job when some girl claimed that he had been harassing her. He was about 27 years old at the time so it was about 10 years ago since he's 37 now. Jeff said he was sort of harassing the girl. He asked her to go out and get wasted with him one time but she never showed up. When he'd see her in the hallway she'd run away from him and hide. That's about all he'd have on his resumé if he had one. He was able to listen to Howard every day back then. He was able to last 2 or 3 years at that job though.
Howard figured that he was probably the joke of the office that he was working at. Jeff said he doesn't remember the name of the girl who accused him of the harassment. Artie said that her name was ''Plaintiff.''
KC came in and asked Jeff if he was going to keep calling back asking him if he could come in to meet Pam Anderson. Jeff said that it was cool and he wouldn't do that... even though they promised to let him up to meet her. Jeff says that KC promised to have him up the next time Pam was on the show. He may have told him that he'd pitch it at their meeting but he never said they'd definitely have him up.
Howard and the guys ended up goofing on Jeff about the cowboy hat he wears all the time. They compared that to Don Imus' cowboy hat and ended up goofing on him as well. Fred comes alive during that stuff because he does a great impression of Imus. Howard said he should replay that Imus tape he played recently because it's so funny.
Jeff ended up hanging up on Howard after they goofed on the guy for a short time. Howard said he knows Jeff is going to be upset that he wasn't invited down but it really is going to be too crazy to have him down. Howard had Fred doing his impression of Imus for a couple more minutes before having Robin get back to her news. She wrapped up her news around 10:20. Howard said he had to go home to do about 10,000 sit-ups in preparation for Pam Anderson's visit tomorrow..
Howard started off the show talking about the big show they had planned with Pamela Anderson. Pam has written a book that she'll be in to promote. Howard has read some of the book and she has written it in a way that makes it possible for her to say anything she wants. She talks about dating people who you can figure out on your own. He said you can tell she's talking about certain people even though she doesn't use names. He brought up some of the stuff and said that he will expand on some of that when she comes in. In one part of the book she's talking about dating one person who Howard believes is Scott Baio who didn't last very long when they had sex. Howard said that sometimes guys need some time to get used to a hot chick before they can last long.
A caller brought up the movie ''Alien vs. Predator.'' Howard said they're trying to get a screening of the movie and they're waiting to find out when that's going to happen. Howard said he used to think that Alien would and should win that battle but the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks about what Robin said, the more he thinks that Predator could win. He said that Robin made a good case for Predator because he has technology on his side. Howard said he thought it through and Alien will beat Predator. He also said that he thinks the movie will not be conclusive and it's possible it could be horrible. He believes that if Alien does not win, he will think the movie was a failure. Richie from E! came in and talked about the past movies on both of the characters and argued with Howard about who he thinks will win the battle. Everyone had their own views on the movie characters. Howard eventually wrapped up that argument and took another call.
A phone caller pointed out that this Alien vs. Predator is rated PG-13 and it must suck. Howard said that it is PG-13 and they don't put out that many R-rated movies these days. The caller also asked Howard to push for a bigger version of ''Private Parts.'' Howard said that he will try to push for that with Paramount Pictures again. The caller was wondering if the Beetlejuice and his sister E! show ever aired because he hasn't seen it. Robin Radzinski came in and said that it had aired during the Get John's Job stuff they aired weeks ago. The caller said he thought that stuff was kind of boring so he didn't watch it all.
Howard talked about being on his bulletin board answering questions about the Alien vs. Predator movie thing. Robin told him that they will not have an ending that will give them an answer. That led to Howard talking about the movie ''The Village'' and how a lot of fans told him that they didn't like the movie. Howard said he really enjoyed it. He then moved on to talk about the terrorism alerts they have in the City this week. Howard read that the information that they have on the threats against these places in the city is three years old. It's very old information and he doesn't think the government are doing their jobs.
Howard had some clips from ''Da Ali G'' show which is on HBO. He said that the show is really funny. He had some clips from the latest episode that he played. This guy Ali G does a character from a Middle Eastern country and sings a country song at a bar in Arizona. The song is about the problems in his country and one of them is transportation there. He sings about throwing the problems down the well... and eventually moves on to sing about how the Jews are another problem in his country. The crowd starts to sing along when he's singing about throwing the Jews down the well. Howard described the scene on the show where all of these people are singing along to the song. It was funny how the crowd got into it so quickly.
Howard talked about how he was down south studying for his FCC license many years ago. He remembers people talking about how they thought the Jews really had horns like they'd been told all their lives. They didn't realize that Howard was part Jew himself.
Howard read the article he saw where they talked about the information that led to the latest terror alerts. The information was collected in 2000 and 2001 but it's possible that the data could have been updated as late as this past January. Howard said that Beth has a job that she's supposed to do for a designer and this new terror alert is effecting that because there are a lot of people who won't be coming now. He said he wouldn't be there if he didn't have to be.
Howard talked about the big meeting he had with the people about his bulletin board and web site. He said the guys from Dreamtank were telling him some interesting stuff about how popular his web site has become. Jason came in and told Howard that the bulletin board has become 1 of the top 10 boards around. The web site is also one of the most popular around and they get 500,000 unique hits a day.
Joey Boots has a problem because he's on the bulletin board for 20 hours a day. He said that you have to be active on there to be on that long and Joey must be posting for most of that 20 hours. Howard said there are some things in the meeting that he can't talk about yet. They have the ability to let 2,500 people on the board at this time but they're working on getting that number up to 10,000 in the near future. This weekend they're going to allow people to register for the bulletin board. Jason said they're going to sort out the topics on the board a bit so they'll be easier to find.
A listener called in and told Howard that Predator has the ability to turn invisible so he has to be able to beat Alien in the upcoming movie. There was some arguing about who would win the fight once again. Howard said that Alien is like a cockroach and if they were real, they'd be able to take over the human race.
Joey Boots called in and said he can't help but be on the bulletin board 20 hours a day. Howard told him that they were talking about him in the meeting they had yesterday. They think that he may have to go to some kind of rehab or something for that. Howard said he'd be on there a lot more himself but Beth tells him that he seems to be addicted to it as well. Joey says that he has a lot of fans on there and he has to answer their questions. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he's on the board a lot as well. You can't step away from the computer because you know that people are talking about you. He said he can't sleep and has to get on the computer at 3 in the morning sometimes. He just can't stay away from the board.
Joey said that he's trying to get some dates from the board. Howard said his buddy Wayne Seagal has been trying the same thing. Chaunce warned Howard and the guys that a lot of the people on the board claiming to be women are actually guys pretending to be women. Chaunce screwed up his explanation of how that goes so the guys goofed on him for a few seconds. Joey went on to say that Chaunce likes to bring up subjects that are just weird so he can get some attention. Joey talked about how he has OCD which makes him do stuff that he doesn't have any control over. Joey thanked Howard for saving his life before Howard had to take a commercial break.
Howard said that Playboy Playmate Cara Wakelin will be on the E! show tonight. He talked about how she wasn't into sex but did let them feel her up to make sure she had real boobs. He said that it's kind of hot to him that she wasn't into sex because he would like the challenge but most guys would be wrecked by that.
A listener called in and brought up the Alien vs Predator thing again. He said that in the comic book they make it seem that the Aliens have a lot more power than what we've seen in the movies. Howard and Robin talked about the movie for a couple more minutes and then took some more calls.
A caller told Howard he's sick of Howard talking about terrorists. He said that Robin gets all of her facts wrong and Howard only reads 3 lines of a story and doesn't give the full details. Howard told the caller that he saw Condoliza Rice on Bill O'Reilly's show last night talking about how there are 16,000 illegal immigrants coming over from Mexico every day and some of those could be terrorists because Mexico allows them into their country. O'Reilly asked her why we don't try to keep these people out of our country and she would not answer. The caller said he doesn't care about that because Howard should just try to be funny instead of talking about this nonsense. The caller ended up hanging up on them.
Another caller told Howard to shove a sock down Robin's throat for some reason. Robin told the caller to just change the station if he doesn't like it. He wanted Howard to take 10 calls and let the fans vote on whether or not Robin should just shut her mouth. Robin said she still wouldn't shut her mouth even if those 10 people said she should.
A woman called in and said that she has a problem with last night's E! show with Beth. She said that no one dares say anything negative about her on the show. Howard said that she's his girlfriend and he doesn't know what she expects from those people. The woman said that Beth has a bit of a butterface. Howard said this woman calls in every day and complains about Beth. He went on to say that he is in love with Beth and most of his audience likes her. The woman on the phone said that she likes when she's on the show as well but she couldn't get over the fact that she thinks she has a butterface. Howard said he doesn't want his girlfriend to get beat up like that when she's on the show.
Howard took another phone call and voted for Robin to keep talking. He said that he thinks her fun bags need to be exploited. Another caller corrected Robin on something she'd said about the Nextel discussion they had earlier. Howard went on to say that he thinks that this all has to do with politics and nothing to do with interference with the radios. Howard then went on to go off on President Bush again for a short time. Howard said that he wants a new Commander in Chief now, not after November.
Gary came in and told Howard about the news they talked about yesterday with the Miami radio station. Howard brought up how he was fired by Clear Channel and taken off a station down in Miami, and 5 other stations. His company put them on in a bunch of those markets but not in Miami. Beasly Communications stepped up and said that they're going to put him on down there. The Miami Dolphins may have a problem with that and they may be trying to get out of their deal with the station down there. Howard said that team owners like that want to be on the governor's side. Howard said he thinks that they should be able to work things out with them and he hopes that the Dolphins stay on down there. He said that he had a meeting with the guy who owns the New England Patriots and there is no problem with them. They're also on WJFK in Washington DC where the Redskins games are carried. The Philly station also carries their football team's games as well. Artie said that there could be no better fit with football teams and Howard's show.
There's always tremendous controversy with his show and he's so important, people don't know what to do with him. He said his opinion isn't supposed to matter anyway and his audience's votes aren't supposed to count according to some people. Howard said people just can't stand Bush now and that's why Kerry is up 49-44 in the polls. Howard got some mail from a woman who told Howard about her husband who has diabetes and how stem cell research could some day find a cure for it but Bush is not letting that happen. The woman wonders how the guy could be so free of compassion. Howard talked about how Bush needs to be voted out because he just doesn't care about people like that.
Howard got off the subject and said that he's going to try not to talk about this stuff until October. He said he wants to get to those swing voters at that time but he's not even sure he'll be on the air at that time because of this indecency bill that President Bush has yet to sign. He said once that is signed, his show is over. He said he's fine with that because it will make him more important than ever. Howard had to take another break after that but he cheered people up by saying that Pam Anderson was coming in a little later.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that he should stop picking up the phone on that Julie woman who bad mouths Beth all the time. She went on to talk about how beautiful Beth is. They spent a short time on that and then went to more phone calls.
A caller was starting to tell Howard a story about meeting a woman last night but Howard thought the guy was so creepy that he had to hang up on him.
Porn star Tabitha Stevens called in and said she's been getting a ton of e-mail because they're not going to air her most recent appearance on E!. Howard said that's true but he has a big announcement coming up in the next month and he'll figure out a way to get that show out there. Howard said that E! has become very conservative lately and they could have shown the show if they really wanted to. Her pictures did end up on HowardStern.com but her E! show will never air for some reason.
Howard said that they had to take out two lines from the George Takei interview that Richard Christy put together. He replayed the bit but a couple of the lines were gone because Tom was afraid that they were a little too graphic. It was the latest interview where Takei talks about an experience he had with Fred. Richard edited the conversation to make it sound like he really talked to him about that stuff.
Howard said that Ed Torian the lie detector guy was there to test porn star Corina Taylor and her dad later in the show. Artie did his impression of the guy and goofed on him for a minute. Howard was watching Ed's reaction to that on his monitor and it was pretty funny. Howard wants to have Ed test Pam out on something he wanted to ask her about from the time they were at Scores together.
A listener asked Howard about the conversation he had with M. Night Shyamalan about the movie role he's been offered. Howard said that he did discuss that with Night but it wasn't the part of Scarecrow in an upcoming Batman movie. He said he'd love to play a part like that but it's not the part he was talking about. Artie ended up doing his impression of Ed Torian again for a minute before Howard moved on to some other stuff.
Howard said that he loves when celebrities go on shows and pretend not to be promoting a product but it's a blatant plug for the product. He had a clip of Martina Navratilova plugging a product. She was talking about how she has been able to keep in shape over the years and then threw in a plug for an Oral B dental care product. The host joked about the toothbrush she plugged and she got in even more plugs for it. Howard joked that she uses Energizer batteries in her vibrator when she's on the road as well. Robin thought the Oral B mentioned was kind of funny in the middle of a conversation about staying healthy.
KC came in and told Howard that Pam is so hot that when he and a gay friend of his were watching the Pamela Anderson sex tape, the gay guy told him that he'd even do her. Howard and the guys wondered what KC was doing with a gay guy. KC said he's a friend of his. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said Pam's book got a great review in the paper today. He said that she's a good writer and his girlfriend had noticed that in her Jane magazine column. Pam said she just writes in stream of conscious and sends it in and they print it the way she wrote it. Howard asked Pam if her implants had been made smaller or something. She said they weren't and said that she thinks that they're half under and half over the muscle. Howard was trying to work his way into feeling them up but Pam wasn't falling for it. Howard bailed out on that and got back to her book.
Howard explained that Pam wrote this book ''Star : A Novel'' where she writes the story as this woman Star, but it's really Pam's life she's writing about. That way she can call it fiction and write about stuff that has happened in her life without getting in trouble with anyone. Howard read one of the reviews about the book and how she changes the stories around just enough so she doesn't get in trouble. Pam told Howard that the story he was reading about someone he thought was Scott Baio was about a few people, not just Scott.
Howard asked Pam if she's having sex these days. She said she just had sex the other day and she's dating guys regularly. Howard got back to the book and asked Pam about the Scott Baio thing. Pam insisted that Scott was fabulous and the story he was reading wasn't about him. He said that it appears that Scott was premature in bed but Pam kept saying that wasn't the case. Howard then moved on to another story about John Peters and how she went to his mansion and was offered so many gifts that she had to run off. Pam thought that she had gone over some of this stuff on his show but Howard said she hadn't. Pam talked about the gifts that she was offered when she first came to town. She said she was also shocked when she came to the U.S. That the guy also wanted sex after he gave her all of these gifts. Pam said that she eventually went back to one of the guy's houses and lived there but she said that she never had sex with the guy. Pam said she's still friends with John Peters and he's a neighbor of hers now.
Pam seemed to think that Howard was ruining some of the book by talking about some of this stuff. In one part of the book Howard read that she talks about this character Star dating someone who appears to be Sylvester Stallone. Pam said that the stuff in the book is made up stuff but it was inspired by stuff that has happened to her in her life. Howard gave a quick synopsis of what he thought were the real stories in Pam's book. She was still saying that it was fiction and the stories weren't necessarily true. Howard said that the book was a completely parallel life to her real life.
Howard read a section about a guy who he thinks was Bret Michaels from the band Poison. In the book Star walks into the room and sees this guy in an orgy with a bunch of women. Pam did answer some of the questions as if the stories were true. Howard noticed that Pam was nervous around him so she asked him why that was. Pam said that she thought that he was cute and that scared her for some reason. Howard wanted to hook her up to the lie detector to find out if that was true. Howard sent her off to the green room where Ed Torian was waiting to hook her up to the polygraph machine.
Howard told Ed that he hopes his head doesn't explode when this happens. Howard listened in as Ed was hooking her up to the machine. He said that Pam looked really annoyed by the whole thing. Ed was having trouble getting the strap around Pam's huge breasts according to Howard. Pam said that she didn't want to answer more than one question for some reason. Howard told her he was going to ask her a bunch and if she wanted to answer then she could. He gave her a couple of plugs for her book ''Star : A Novel'' and the book signings she was doing today for the book.
Pam said that she finds Howard sexy and he didn't believe her. That's why he wants to test her. A short time later Ed started his test and got Artie laughing when he asked Pam if her first name was Pamela Anderson. They wrote down the question wrong for him so that's why it was screwed up. Ed asked her questions like ''Have you ever done a colored guy?'' and ''Have you ever called anyone a ni**er?'' Pam said she has slept with a black guy and she has never called anyone the N-word. Ed also asked her about finding Howard sexy and if she would ever have sex with him. She would never have sex with him but she does find him sexy. Ed had some trouble with the pronunciations with some of the names. She said ''no'' when Ed asked her if she'd ever have sex with Howard if he lived on the West coast. She said that she loves sex, she has never had sex with girls and she's never had a threesome. She also said that she didn't want to have sex with Howard the night they were at Scores together. Pam said she has not had sex with Tommy Lee in the last 3 months. She has had sex with Kid Rock in the past 3 months because he's a nice guy.
Ed asked Pam if she's had sex with more than 10 guys in the last year. She said no to that one. She said that Kid Rock and Tommy Lee are about even when it comes to the package. Gary had Ed ask her about the Tommy Lee and Kid Rock penis thing again. She ended up saying that they're just ''different.'' Ed asked Pam if she has ever smelled her finger after picking her ass. She said she's never done that and she also said that she doesn't think that Howard is ugly. The final question was if she had ever had anal. She said yes to that.
Howard had Pam come back in the studio while Ed figured out the results. A phone caller asked if he could date her. Howard told the guy that she's not going to date him and hung up on him. Another caller asked Pam what was up with Angie Everhart and Pam. They were on the E! show recently but Pam didn't even remember all of that stuff.
Ed Torian came in and gave the results of the test. He said she was deceptive on some of the questions. Pam said that she told the truth on all of those questions. Ed told her that she was deceptive on her name but that was a confusing one. She was truthful about sleeping with black guys. She says it was just one guy, not a few. It was a long time ago and she said no one would know him. Ed said that she was deceptive on the N-word question. Pam said that she may have used the word but has never called someone that name. Ed told Howard that Pam has been turned on by Howard. She said that she got a kiss from him one time and he had soft lips. She was turned on by that. Howard told her that she's never been out with a guy like him. He wondered why they couldn't date at some point. Ed went on to say that Pam was deceptive when she said she'd never sleep with Howard. Howard said that must be why she can't even look at him.
Howard had Ed continue with his rest results. She was deceptive when she said that Tommy Lee was not stupid. She said she loved sex and was truthful on that one. Howard said that he loves that she loves sex. She thought that everyone loved sex. Howard told her about this Tara Wakelin who said she doesn't enjoy it at all. Ed continued and said that Pam was deceptive on the question about having sex with girls. She said she has kissed some but never had sex. Ed told her it was the same thing. Ed also said she was deceptive on the question about the night she was with Howard at Scores. Howard knew that he could have taken advantage of that situation and he blew it.
Pam was deceptive about Scott Baio not being quick in bed according to Ed. Howard gave Pam a couple more plugs for the book signings Pam is doing today and let Ed continue. Ed said that she was truthful about Tommy and Kid Rock. Ed finished up his test results and said that she was truthful on a couple more of the questions she was asked.
A caller asked Howard if Pam was stupid for sitting through all of those questions. Howard said that Pam is just a great sport and she's a lot of fun so that's why she did that for them. Pam spent a little more time talking about her book and how she's not even on the cover of some of the books that are carried at Wal-Mart because they refused to carry it.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and told Howard that he really blew it that night at Scores. He was there that night and saw what was going on. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about how he'd love to have been able to bang her. They talked about the sex tape that she was in with Tommy Lee and how good she was at giving oral and stuff like that. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that and gave Pam a couple more plugs before going to break.
Howard said the guys from Green Day sent over their new song for him to play. He played the first few seconds and said it sounded pretty good to him. He continued to play the song and said he loves the lead singer's voice. The song sounded good to both Robin and Howard. That led to Robin talking about the Metallica movie ''Some Kind of Monster'' which she really liked. She said that she had to go to one of those theaters that's hard to find to actually see it. Artie said it's one of those theaters where they serve mozzarella and tomatoes as snacks.
Howard told Artie that Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) and Rev. Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) put together some kind of video about Artie's eating that was really insulting to him. Artie said he doesn't care about that stuff and wouldn't mind if they played it.
Howard moved on to Corina Taylor who was on the show a few months ago talking about how her step-father and mother watch her videos together. Howard wanted to find out if the father gets turned on when he watches them. The father says he doesn't get turned on but Howard had to bring him in to get a lie detector test done.
Corina Taylor and her father Steve both came in a short time later. Steve has been around since Corina was 18 months old so he has known her for almost 25 years. He says that he does not get excited over her videos. He and Corina shared a hotel room last night and she walks around naked in front of him. Steve talked about a video that Corina did where she was on a farm doing some stuff and how he liked it. He watches the movies with Corina's mother and does not get aroused by them. Corina said that they critique the movies together.
Howard said that he could never watch his daughter in a movie like that. He told Steve that he doesn't believe that he doesn't get turned on and wants to have him take a lie detector test. Howard told Steve that he's a very unusual man if he actually passes this lie detector test. He then sent him off to the room where Ed was going to test him.
Corina told Howard about what she's been up to lately. She shot a music video for the band Monster Magnet and she's also got a few porn movies coming out that she shot back in October of last year. That was before she got her new implants. She said she's only had the implants for about 3 weeks now. Howard thought they were a bit large but she didn't think they were all that big. Howard thought they looked nice even though they were done by a doctor in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Howard got back to Steve who was in the lie detector chair. Howard asked Steve to go ahead and do the test with Steve. Ed went on to ask him some questions that the guys had written for him. He asked him if he's ever watched Corina's movies and gotten aroused. He also asked him if he wants to have sex with Corina and if he's ever pleasured himself while watching her movies. They asked him about if he had pleasured himself to another man. Ed asked him if he hates black people. He said ''not all of them.'' Ed then asked him if he has thought about Corina while having sex with his wife or if he has ever snuck into Corina's room and gone through her panty drawer. Corina said she doesn't even wear panties and showed Howard that she didn't have any on today.
Ed asked Steve a couple of questions that got the delay button hit for some reason. He then asked Steve if he finds her ass to be a turn-on or if he gets turned on while she walks around naked in their apartment. Steve said no to all of the questions about getting aroused by his daughter. Ed continued to ask question after question about if he would ever want to see her naked, if he's ever touched her in a sexual way and stuff like that. They asked him about using the N-word and stuff like that as well toward the end of the questioning.
Howard cut Ed off and had the guys come back in the studio. They were anxious to find out the results of the test. A short time later the two of them were back in the studio. Ed gave the results on the test. He said he was deceptive on a couple of the questions about getting aroused by Corina. He was truthful about not pleasuring himself to Corina's movies. Ed said that Steve has never snuck into her room to look through her panties. One of the questions was about being stranded on a desert island and having sex with Corina. He said that he would have sex with her if he was on a desert island with her. That was a surprise to the guys and it shows that he would break down and have sex with her. Corina says that she would never do that with him though. She would use her hadn on herself before she'd let him do anything to her.
Steve says that the lie detector doesn't show anything. Corina was proud when she heard that her father was turned on by her nice ass. There were some other questions about him getting turned on when she walks around naked that he was deceptive on. Corina was kind of disgusted by those answers. She joked around about being proud of that fact a couple of times.
Howard said that Ed's test proved his point. He told Corina and Steve that she should keep her clothes on at home because it's obvious that she is turning on her step-father. Howard gave Corina a couple of plugs for her web site CorinaTaylor.net and the many movie's she's in. She also mentioned the video she'll be in which is premiering on Head Banger's Ball this weekend. Howard wrapped up the interview right after that.
A listener called in and told Howard about a strip club he goes to. He was rambling about the chicks at the club but Howard had to cut him off because he sounded nuts. The caller told Howard he just wanted to let Howard know that they don't allow him to listen to him or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ali G show is great and wanted him to replay the clip he'd played earlier in the morning. That was a clip where the guy went to a bar as a Middle Eastern guy singing about throwing the Jews down a well in a country song he created. Howard replayed that song and said it starts out innocent enough but then he starts singing about the Jews. The bar patrons get behind him and start singing along to the lines ''Throw the Jews down the well'' and stuff like that. Howard figured the crowd would get pissed but they're with him while he's singing about the Jews.
Howard said that guy Ali G, Sacha Cohen, has a lot of good material on his show. He played yet another clip where he's playing a gay character questioning a guy about religion and goofing on him. He asks this Minister about a bunch of gay stuff and the guy just sits there and takes it. Artie was laughing hysterically as he heard the audio clip from the show. He said he found it funny when Ali G had this guy saying words that you'd never hear him say like Nish-Nish.
Howard read a story about how the CRTC up in Canada is forcing a radio station owner to sell his station (CHOI) because he had some deejays on the station who said some things on air that they found offensive. Howard read an article about it and said that he always gets blamed for stuff like this because the guy was ''offensive.'' The station owner is being forced to sell the station and has to put 35 people out of work.
Howard brought up the story he told earlier in the morning about the FCC selling billions of dollars worth of bandwidth to Nextel for only $850 million. He talked about how the Chairman of the Board of Nextel has ties to George W Bush. He mentioned some other things that are going on with the government right now and how screwy it all is. He wondered what happened to freedom of speech and letting the marketplace determine what they want to listen to. He said he can't fight the government anymore himself because they've become so powerful. He wants to write a book or something but he's too busy with his bulletin board these days.
Howard knows that Viacom is going to cave into all of the pressure eventually and he will be forced off the air. He said it kills him but then said that it wouldn't be all that bad because he only has 17 months left on his contract. He had Robin continue on with her news after talking about that stuff for a couple of minutes.
During the news Howard was wondering if Robin was going to report on the fact that Pam Anderson found him sexy since they'd just found that out during her lie detector test. He also wanted her to announce that Pam Anderson was lying about not wanting to have sex with him that night they were at Scores. He interrupted Robin with that a couple of times during her news reports.
Howard started off today's show talking about how exhausted he was. He said ever since his dog got Lyme disease he feels like he's got the same thing. Artie asked him if his dog is doing okay. Howard said the dog is doing fine and it's all thanks to the antibiotics that they've been giving her. That led to a discussion about who invented antibiotics. Robin thought it was Louis Pasteur but Artie and Howard told her she was wrong and got things all screwed up when they threw in a bunch of other inventor names. They were tossing around everyone from Edison to the Curie's. Howard said that antibiotics are amazing. He's really paranoid about the ticks out in The Hamptons and how one, tiny tick can cause a lot of problems for you. He pulled a tick out from under Beth's boob one day that they were out there in The Hamptons recently. She thought she just had a skin tag under her boob but it turned out to be the tick. Howard talked about how they had gone to look at some property out there and when they came out, the dog was covered in ticks and Beth must have gotten it there as well. The dog is doing well after being treated with the antibiotics and she's all done with that now.
Howard has his hands in a lot of projects right now and he said he told his agent that he's got too many things going on. He's not having fun because there are just so many of them. He had to cut that story off to talk to his buddy Ralph. Ralph was on the phone to talk about his night at Scores with Pamela Anderson. Howard said he got the call from him last night from Ralph who was hanging with her at Scores and he wanted him to come down. Howard told the story about how Ralph hooked up with her. He ended up at a hotel with her.
Ralph said that Pam was wearing jeans at Scores and they ended up being too long and too tight so they ended up cutting them down to Daisy Duke size jeans. Pam was there with Ralph when he called in so he put her on the line to talk to Howard. Pam said that Ralph was there again cutting her clothes off again. Pam said that she had about 20 people in her room so Ralph wasn't the only one there. She talked about how they were at Scores until 4 in the morning just having fun. She said she doesn't get out that much these days.
Pam got her hair cut by Ralph as well as getting the jeans cut up. She told Howard that she is not doing Ralph or anything so Howard sounded relieved. Pam wanted to get going but Howard didn't want to let her go. She told him that she called him last night at around 9 to get him to come hang out but he didn't call back. Howard said that he sleeps at that time because he has to get up at 4 in the morning. Pam said sometimes you just have to change things up.
Howard was pissed that Ralph was getting in on his action hanging out with Pam. Artie and Howard were ready to walk over to the hotel room to hang out. They were going to call in the show over the phone. They were serious. Howard told Ralph to call in and give them the address so they could come down. Artie asked if there was any Jack (Daniels) there. Ralph said there's a mini-bar there so he's all set. As soon as Howard ended the segment he was ready to run over to the hotel room. Gary came in and said they were all set and they had everyone ready to run over to this hotel room. It was only 2 blocks away according to Ralph.
Howard said that it'll be him, Gary and Artie going over to the hotel room. They'll call in and Scott the Engineer will run the board. Robin and Fred will take over if the show gets out of control from the hotel room. He was wondering what else they could go to if they had to kill some time. Gary said he had some Ali G Show stuff but Howard didn't want to play that. Jason came in and said they could play the Gary Love Tape in full if they had to. That runs about 15 minutes so they could use that. Artie said he'll be drunk by 6:40 this morning. Jason asked Howard if he needed this stuff photographed for the web site. Howard complained about some of the pictures he'd taken for the web site yesterday but he was so distracted by what he was about to do that he dropped it and went to commercial break so he could run over to the hotel room.
Howard said that she was wearing a belly chain and her Daisy Duke jeans that Ralph had helped her create. Howard said the party they had there was her kind of party. The girls kept interrupting him while he was trying to talk to Robin on the line. He ended up talking to Pam for a minute and said that he thinks that there is something going on between the two of them. Howard had her come over to him so he could be as close to her as possible. He asked her to take off her cut-off jeans so she was doing that. Then the girls in the room were asked to take their clothing off as well.
Howard had Pam come close to him so he could hug her. Then he told Pam that the lie detector test proved that she does have feelings for him but she said that he still wouldn't kiss her. Howard got on the floor with Pam and laid under a table in the room. Pam said she didn't remember all that happened at Scores last night. She remembered riding in Chuck Zito's Corvette but that was about it. Pam was touching Howard's hair telling him how curly it was. He tried to touch hers but hurt her somehow. Ralph got on the line and said that Howard and Pam were rolling around on the floor together. Howard wondered how Ralph got in on that whole thing.
Pam's phone was ringing and she said that it was her boyfriend. She then said she doesn't have a boyfriend but didn't want anyone to answer her phone. Howard asked her to talk about what she did yesterday. She did her book signing so Howard asked her how that went. She talked a little bit about the book signings and about going to Scores again. She was all over the place talking about different things while Howard was sitting next to her. She was hurt by something in his pants so she had backed away from him. Howard threatened to leave at one point but she told him he couldn't because she loves him.
Howard wanted to go back to the studio if Pam wasn't going to talk to him. She didn't want him to leave so she agreed to be interviewed. She asked for some more champagne and got it within a few seconds. She wanted Robin to come down to the hotel room as well but she had to stay at the studio. Howard was ready to give up on the whole thing and just go to the Baba Booey love tape.
Pam forced some Champagne down Howard's throat and he said he loved it. Pam pulled her boob out at one point but Howard missed it. He asked her to do it again after he was saying he had to get going. One of the Scores girls, Dakota, wanted to tell some jokes so Howard let her get on the line for a minute. She told some really lame Blond jokes that didn't get any laughs. Artie got on the line after that and said that the jokes were visual. He told Robin that the girls weren't really dressed or undressed, they were somewhere in the middle. Dakota was interrupting him and saying that she wanted KC to play some Slayer. She kept talking to him as he was trying to talk to Robin.
Gary got on the phone next and told Robin it was quite a scene in there. Pam had a rack full of clothing in there and Ralph had a girl on his lap giving her a massage. He was supposed to get Howard to do a Hemorrelief commercial but he wasn't able to make that happen. Robin asked him why they weren't doing anything because they were on the radio. Gary asked the girls to take their tops off for the radio. They all took their tops off a short time later. One of the Scores girls got on the line and said that she got implants done because she was inspired by Pam.
Jason told Gary to spank some of the girls because they were talking too much. Some of the girls got spanked but then Howard got back on the line and said that he had his shirt off. He said he was going to come back to the studio soon. Howard told Pam to take her shorts off after she asked him to take his off. Artie got back on the line while that was happening. He said that Pam was barely wearing anything at this point.
Dakota from Scores got on the line and did a Trim Spa commercial for them. She read the copy they had with them and talked about the product for a minute. She talked about Gary losing 39 pounds on the stuff. She said that he looked really good now that he's lost his weight.
Gary said she was great on her first time doing a commercial. Gary told Robin that they were going to be leaving shortly to come back to the studio. Ralph got on the line and said he wasn't going anywhere, he was going to stick around at Pam's hotel room. Dakota interrupted and got back on the line to give her Grandma Pastorello a shout out. Gary got back on quickly and told Robin to play the Baba Booey love tape and that they should call him back when they have 4 minutes left so they can run back last minute.
Robin said that they should have the girls doing stuff in this hotel room. Gary said that there are no cameras there so the girls weren't doing anything. Howard got back on the line and described what Pam was wearing. As he was doing that she was pulling his pants off. He said he had to get out of there before he was naked. Gary got back on and said that they should go to commercial so they can get out of the hotel room and come back.
Howard said that all of the girls were good looking and they were panties and bras. Artie told Howard how Dakota had gotten on the line to tell a joke but it was a visual joke. Robin was surprised to see Howard back in the studio. She told him he had a perfect medium to do the show. Gary told her that they had no control over the girls there and Howard couldn't move around. Howard added that Pam was drunk and pouring drinks all over them. She was pinching his nipples as well.
Artie said that he took a bottle of liquor from the mini-bar as they were getting ready to leave and that's when Pam poured the drink on him. The guys said that Ralph told them that he came very close to going to Las Vegas with all of them. Howard took a call from a listener a short time later and said he was disappointed in him for not sticking around at that hotel room. He didn't believe that he couldn't just stay there and bang Pam.
Gary asked Howard if he would ditch the show for Pam if he didn't have a girlfriend. Howard said he would not ditch the show for that. He and the guys talked about how insane it was over at the hotel room and how hard it would have been to continue doing the radio show. Robin thought they could have made a great show out of that. Howard and Gary said that she had to see what was going on there because it was just too insane to continue doing what they were doing.
Another caller asked what it was like over there so Howard described what Pam was wearing and how her bra had slipped off at one point. Pam was grabbing Howard and climbing on top of him. Robin said she had no idea that was going on. Howard said he had to fight to keep his pants on. The caller asked Howard why he was fighting that stuff. Howard said he's in a relationship and couldn't do that stuff.
Ralph called in and asked Howard why he wouldn't ditch the show for this stuff. Howard wanted to talk to Pam again so Ralph got her on the line. Robin told Howard that he will be talking about this for years and saying that he blew it again. Pam wasn't coming back to the phone and the radio was turned up so loud that Howard was listening back to what they'd just said. Chuck Zito was there in the room and Howard said he didn't flinch while they were there.
Ralph told Chuck to come over to talk to Howard. Chuck got on the line so Howard spent a minute talking to him. He said that he was a total pro in the room and he couldn't believe it. Howard said that he was looking over the situation and making sure nothing bad happened. Chuck agreed with Howard that it looked like Pam had a thing for him. Artie was ready to run back to the hotel room again to have more fun over there. Howard explained how he couldn't stick around there because it was so crazy.
Pam got on the line again and talked to Howard but Ralph got under this table they were calling from. Pam said that she loves Ralph and asked him to do her hair. Artie asked Pam why she poured a drink on him. She didn't even know who it was on the line yelling at her. She apologized to him for pouring the drink on him and Artie forgave her immediately. Howard said that Pam really wanted him and she said that he blew it again. Howard told Pam that he had to go because it was driving him nuts.
Pam wanted to tell Howard something off the air so they pretended that they were so she'd say what she wanted to. Pam asked Howard to come back and they'd do a lingerie show for them. Howard said they were going back after that. Robin told him to just go back to the hotel room already. She convinced him to go back so Howard told Pam and Ralph that they were coming back.
Howard said that Artie was no help over there at the hotel room because they didn't help him out doing the show. Howard said that he should have grabbed the phone to take over the show for him. Dakota called in and said that they were kicked out of the room by Chuck Zito. Howard told them to get back to the room because they were on their way back over there. Dakota told Howard that Chuck told them that they were fired and they'd never work at Scores again if they didn't leave. Howard told them that they would get fired if they didn't go back to the hotel room.
Howard told Robin how tough it was to do the show there because there was only one phone in the middle of the room. There was no phone in the bathroom like most hotels have. It was very overwhelming for him. He said he had a plan and said they were going back. They talked about how they were going to get the girls to do shots and stuff like that. Then they were going to get the girls into the shower naked together. Gary said that Ralph was using a cordless phone over there and that's exactly what Howard needed. He wants to have the girls doing stuff with each other. Gary wondered if Howard had the power to get Pam Anderson naked in the shower with the other girls.
Ralph was on the line again and said that some of the girls were kicked out of the room but there were a few others there. Ralph told Howard to bring over some of the champagne to the room because they were out. Howard worked his magic and organized everything before they went back to the hotel room. Robin was helping them plan all of this stuff as well.
Captain Janks called in and said he wanted to hear some Butt Bongo going on over there when they go back. Howard seemed to think that was a good idea so he was going to do that as well. Gary said he would bring a camera over there so they could post some of the stuff on the web site. Artie was upset that some of the girls were talking about KC. Gary said the weird thing was that KC is missing and wasn't there at the station this morning. Howard went to break shortly after that and ran back to Pam's hotel room.
Fred, Jason and Scott the Engineer were all getting in on the conversation as well. Jason wondered if Artie is more interested in the girls or the drinking over there. Robin seems to think that it's the drinking that interests Artie.
Howard was on the line a minute later and said that they're stuck in traffic about a block from the hotel. Ronnie the Limo Driver was driving them over to the hotel. Howard explained what they're going to do when they get there. They want to get the strippers back up to the room and then isolate Pam up in the hotel room. They're going to pay attention to the strippers there at the hotel room and not pay too much attention to Pam. Howard arrived at the hotel a minute into the call. They found the strippers and grouped up with them. Howard's ''Scores wife'' was there at the hotel so Howard let her say hello to Robin.
Howard's phone cut out because he was on a cell phone inside the hotel. Robin took over again for a minute and said she can't imagine what's going to happen. She said the look on his face was funny when he came back the first time. Jason asked Robin to give them a lingerie show of their own since they were stuck there at the station.
Gary called back and put Howard on the line. Howard said he was in the bedroom and called the girls in to help him out. He told the girls that they were going to do a lingerie show for them. He asked Pam to take off her pants again for them. Then he told Dakota to take off her clothes as well. He told all of the girls to take their clothes off after that. Pam said that she had a lingerie meeting in about 10 minutes so she was going to have to leave. Howard said he shouldn't have come back if that was the case. Howard told Robin that when he came back the girls were putting their clothes back on.
Howard told the girls to do a lingerie show for them. He asked Pam to slip into some lingerie and told some of the other girls what they were going to be wearing. He asked the girls to take their pants and tops off for them as well. Howard then told the girls that they should all pile in the bathroom so they could get naked and get in the shower. He said if they did that they could get Pam in the shower. Pam came back without her lingerie on so Howard asked her if he could help her put it on. She said it was too complicated for her. She also had a meeting with the Wal-Mart people that she was going to be late for.
Howard said he had 4 chicks naked at this point and Pam was trying to put on her lingerie. She was drunk so she was having some trouble putting it on. Pam was saying that she was going to be in trouble for all of this. She wondered why she had a bunch of autographs on her body. She didn't remember that she was asking people to sign her. Howard had all of the girls head into the bathroom so they could get in the shower together. Howard seemed amazed that this was working.
Howard told all of the girls to get naked and get in the shower so they could help Pam wash off her ink. Howard said he was very close to a touch down with this stuff. He kept telling Pam to get over there so she could get washed down. Pam wanted to have a serious discussion with Howard about this. She said she was going to get fired if she did this. She stepped in and then stepped out of the shower. The Scores girls were afraid that they were going to get fired for this stuff. Howard said he had Pam in the shower but she got out. He told the girls that he wasn't having fun at this point. Chuck Zito was telling the girls that they were going to get in trouble for all of this so he wasn't helping matters.
Howard was still trying to get the girls to get in the shower together. He was demanding that the girls get in the tub. Dakota didn't want Pam's ink to wash off of her though. Pam came back in when Howard told her to check out what was going on. She kept telling Howard that she was going to get in trouble for all of this stuff. She didn't want Howard to leave but she also said that the party would not be over if he left.
Pam said she would get in the tub if Howard did something for her. She ended up pulling him down on the floor as Howard was saying ''Ow, Ow, Ow!'' Artie got on the line and said that Ralph was bathing some chick in the tub while Pam dragged Howard to the ground. Howard got back on the line and said that he had one girl in the tub with Ralph. Pam was in bra and panties while the other girls were in the tub.
Artie got on the line again and said that there were 5 girls, including Pam, in the tub together. He said that Howard was also getting in as he was talking to Robin. Pam was not naked, she was wearing heels. Dakota also said that she was not completely naked. The girls were asking for Robin and KC to show up at the hotel room so Artie wasn't feeling so great about that. Someone dropped a drink so there was broken glass all over the place. Artie had 5 drinks in him at this point so he was having some fun.
Artie went back into the bedroom and asked a couple of chicks what their problem was because they looked upset. He said he thinks they're upset that he was the only guy available. Howard was on the bed just talking to the girls while Artie was talking on the phone. He gave the phone to Howard after that. Howard said that he had all of the girls in the shower together at one point. He then tried to get some girls to do some stuff to each other. A couple of the girls started to kiss each other according to Artie. He said that one of the girls had the best breasts he's ever seen. He asked the girls to continue kissing so that's what they did.
Robin told Artie that it was getting kind of boring after a while. She told them it was good for a while but now it was getting boring. Robin asked what was going on there. Artie said that the girls were on the bed just talking. Howard disappeared and it turned out he was under the bed or something.
Gary had Dakota do another live commercial for them since Howard wasn't available to do it. She did a Hemorrelief commercial which sounded pretty bad because she was reading it from the copy that Gary gave her. Robin then told Artie that they had to take a real commercial break. Robin said she'd talk to them off the air and find out what was going on next and went to break.
Howard said Pam was whispering that she was going to get fired for all of the stuff she was doing. Gary showed Howard some of the pictures he had of the girls and Ralph in the studio. Gary showed Robin a picture of Artie standing next to a naked Dakota. There were three naked Scores girls on the bed doing lesbian stuff together. There were pictures of Pam in the tub with the other girls while they were naked. Ralph was hanging around naked while Howard was being dragged into the tub by Pam. There were naked girls all over the place. Howard even did some Butt Bongo to the girls but he wasn't able to get it on the radio. Artie was drenched in liquor.
Gary said he went back to get Pam to come down to the studio but she didn't want to come. Ralph was trying to work her and told Gary that they'd be over soon. The other girls came down to the studio so Howard brought them in to thank them for what they'd done. Ralph was left behind wearing just a towel. Artie wasn't so thrilled about that.
Dakota came in and asked where Pamela was. She said that Pam was calling Howard's name out all night. Howard asked one of the girls how long she'd been dancing at Scores and it was only 3 days. Howard thanked all of the girls for what they'd done over at Pam's hotel room. The girls all thought that Pam was really cool to them. The girls said that they're not supposed to hang out with clients so that's why they were supposed to be suspended. Howard said he would talk to Lonnie over there about that and make sure they're not suspended. Ronnie came in and said that he spoke to Lonnie and they don't have to be worried about being fired.
The girls left and Howard said that Pam really didn't want him to leave her party. Artie said that Pam is ''way into Howard'' but Howard is a good guy. He didn't do anything with her. Howard said that he plans on changing now that he knows that Pam is so into him. He was all pumped up after that craziness. Captain Janks called back in and asked them to put the pictures on HowardStern.com so they can discuss them on the bulletin board tonight. Janks asked him to replay the tape of the phone call as well. Howard wasn't even sure what was going on there because it was so crazy.
Howard talked about how they had all of the girls in the tub and how they had Pam in there with them. She had her legs spread and had Howard feeling how smooth they were. Another phone caller told Howard that he is ''da man'' now that he made all of that stuff happen. Artie was singing DMX's ''I love my niggas, but where's my bitches'' as they were talking about this stuff. He said that he was loaded after drinking over there.
A woman called in and told Howard how sexy that whole thing was to her. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Beth's engagement chicken is for sale on eBay right now. Howard said that he was good over there and didn't do anything with her over there. Chaunce said he was with Pam last night and she told him that she really is into Howard. He believes that she really loves him. Howard said that he's so in love with Beth that no one compares to her. Artie said that he thinks that Beth is hotter than Pam Anderson... and he was drunk while he was saying that.
Joey Boots called in and said that he didn't hear anything about the E! cameras being there. Howard said that would have killed the whole mood there. Joey said he thought it was funny when Artie was there with naked chicks and he ended up talking about one of the chick's grandmother's lasagna.
Howard took a few more phone calls and talked about some of the stuff that went on over there. Howard said they have a guest today and the guy who came down has a really hot chick. He saw her as they were running over to the hotel and almost stayed there when they saw her. Artie was thanking Howard for making all of that happen. They talked about the girls in the shower and how the girls were soaping each other up in there.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he had to tell his wife that he would never do anything like that when she asked him about it. He told Howard that he's really jealous and wished that he was him for just 5 seconds. He thought the whole thing was unbelievable. Howard talked about how sexy Pam is and how much fun she is to be around. She is really the girl in that sex video that she and Tommy Lee shot. Artie said that the party over there was the polar opposite of gay. It was the farthest thing from gay that they could get.
Artie said that Chuck Zito was a good guy and was making sure nothing bad was going on over there. Another woman called in and said that she has told Howard that he's a good looking guy. Dakota called back and wondered what was up with Artie's comment about them being dirty. He had to explain that he was making a joke. Dakota told him that he needs a shower more than any of them. Artie wasn't about to outwit them so he knew he'd been drinking too much. Artie was still drinking the bottle of scotch he had borrowed from the hotel room.
Howard had Robin just think about the reality of what had just happened. The girls were tanked out of their minds and they were all getting naked. He talked about how crazy it was over there. Gary said he had a run in with Pam that was great as well. She was asking him where she could get more Trim Spa while she was unbuttoning his shirt as she was laying on the floor in her bra and panties. He said that it was great and he knows that she probably just wanted to make him melt. Howard had to take a break after that so they could get to their guest.
A listener called in and said that he's going to go get a computer today so he can get on the web and check out the pictures they have. Another guy called in and said that the show was great and he had to thank him for it. Howard and Ralph talked a little more about what went on over there. Ralph said he doesn't think that he could have had sex with Pam if he wanted to. He said she's a party and she's a lot of fun but nothing would happen. Howard was missing her already. Gary told him that she wants him to call her later when he gets a minute to talk.
Howard moved on to the one guest they had booked today. This guy contacted the show recently who claims that he is alive today because of some stem cell thing he had done to him. He's also got a great looking girlfriend. Howard had the two of them, James and Jen, come in a minute later. Howard talked to Jen about her job which is a general contractor. James said that all of the guys that work for her just ''yes'' her to death because she's so hot. She said her company takes old houses that need to be remodeled and remodel them. She designs and oversees everything that goes on.
Howard noticed that James had shiny fingernails so he goofed on him a little bit about that. James said that they were just buffed and there was no polish on them. Howard moved on to the story that James had about how he was saved from Leukemia by a stem cell transplant. He said that he would probably be dead if it wasn't for that transplant. Howard said he must go nuts when he hears the President talking about not allowing stem cell research. James said he's from Texas so he was a Bush supporter until he started talking about the banning of stem cell research.
James made fun of Artie about how sloppy he looked when he walked past the green room earlier. Artie went off on him and goofed on his polished nails for a few seconds. Howard then had James talk about this stem cell stuff. James said that his implant was an adult stem cell transplant so there's no problem there. James was explaining what they do with fetal stem cell research but Ralph didn't want to hear that stuff, he wanted to talk more about Pam.
Howard took some phone calls about the whole Pam Anderson thing. A bunch of callers were talking about how Howard managed not to do anything with Pam. Howard then had James get back to the stem cell research thing. James told Howard that the eggs they use in the stem cell research are leftover eggs that would not be used for anything else. Howard wondered what the problem was because the eggs that they're using are not eggs that were fertilized. The religious freaks look at it as being abortion because the eggs are destroyed in the process.
James was talking about his own stem cell implant and how that worked but Howard interrupted and said that Pam's implants looked great today. He took a couple more phone calls after that and let some guys tell him how great the Pam Anderson thing was. Howard and Artie wanted to get Jen into a bikini but she said she was all banged up from the construction sites she works at.
Jen said that she didn't want to do it today and she probably wouldn't do it any other day. Artie was really drunk and slurring his words as he demanded that James get his woman to get into a bikini. Howard was willing to give them some prize money to donate to a charity if Jen would get in that bikini. Howard asked Jen when she lost her virginity and stuff like that while they killed some time. Jen finally agreed to try on the bikini they had for her but she said she wouldn't come out if she didn't like it.
Captain Janks called in and said he was inspired by the Pam Anderson thing so he called C-Span and just yelled out ''Pam Anderson rules!'' when they picked up the phone. He played that for Howard and got a couple of laughs out of them. Howard took some more phone calls after that. One guy wondered if John Kerry is going to be any better as far as the stem cell research goes. Howard said that he has said that he believes in science so he will probably change things.
Jen had the top half of the bikini on but refused to wear the thong bottom. Ralph went over and asked her what the problem was. She said she was too self conscious about her ass to wear it. She didn't even want to show it to anyone. Howard told her that her body was great and she should just put it on and come out with the bikini on. Isaac from E! came in with a rack of bathing suits for her to try on. Howard told her that if she just put on the bikini and showed them the front, she'd be fine. She agreed to do that but was afraid that they would put a camera on her ass or something.
Howard spent a little more time talking to a caller about stem cell research. Then Jen came out with her bikini on. Robin saw her ass from behind and said that it was great. She only weighs 114 pounds and she's 5'8'' tall. Artie wanted to see her ass but she was still afraid to turn around. Gary said he saw it and it was perfect. She finally broke down and spun around so they could see it. All of the guys thought it was just fine and wanted her to spin around again. Howard wanted Jason to take a picture of her for the web site as well. He told him to get those pictures up on the site immediately. Howard gave them $1000 courtesy of ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' for doing what she did. He told Jen that her ass was ''primo.'' Artie had her spin around again so they could snap a picture of her ass. All of the guys were going nuts over how hot she was.
The caller Howard had on the line was telling Howard about how he is not going to support Clear Channel anymore. Howard said that he read a memo from Clear Channel on some guy's web site yesterday and they think that they know his strengths and weaknesses in advertising so their stations shouldn't worry about him returning to Miami. Howard told them to ''Bring it on mother f'ers!''
James talked a little more about stem cell research with Howard but he just wanted to look at Jen some more. He wondered what she's doing with a guy who has polished fingernails. He started to wrap up the segment shortly after that and gave them a plug for a web site, RyanGibsonFoundation.org, and for the ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' DVD since they were the sponsor that gave up the $1000.
A woman called in and said that she's confined to a wheelchair because of the cancer battle she's been through and she thinks that stem cell research could help her out. Howard told her that President Bush doesn't care about that at all. She said she knows that and Artie interrupted and jokingly said that they don't really care either and that she should call Z100 instead. Howard went to commercial break shortly after that.
Howard tried to get Robin to start her news but Ralph wanted him to do an F***, Marry, Kill. He gave him two names and couldn't come up with a third. He gave him Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson. Howard didn't care and just wanted Robin to get her news done. Robin tried to read some stories but Artie was so drunk that he kept interrupting her. Ralph also hung around during the news to comment on some of the stories she was reading. Artie was slurring his words and going off on homosexuals when Robin brought up a story about gay weddings.
A listener called in and said that the whole Pam Anderson thing reminded him of a scene in ''Revenge of the Nerds'' when they did their panty raid. Artie said that was a perfect description of what went on over there. A few other callers told Howard how great that whole Pam Anderson thing was.
Eric the Midget called in to talk to Howard about the bits that Richard Christy is creating using his voice. He's not happy with those and he doesn't want him to make them anymore. Eric also asked Artie to stop goofing on him because his team (the Yankees) lost to the A's last night. Artie apologized to him and kept his mouth shut. Howard tried to find the Eric the Midget bit that Richard Christy created but no one had it. A short time later they brought it in and played one of his bits. They played the prank call Richard made to Gary the Retard using Eric's voice mail. Eric doesn't find that stuff funny.
Eric wanted to talk to Howard about an actor in the movie ''Station Agent.'' Ralph and Artie were goofing on him about bringing up movies that star midgets. Howard said that the worst midget movie was ''Under the Rainbow.'' They talked about a few other movies and Eric was trying to give them some facts about Bridget the Midget and stuff like that so Artie just told him to ''Shut up you short bore.'' Howard told him that Artie is drunk and that's why he's so belligerent. Artie also asked him what it's like to be the last one to know that it's raining. Captain Janks called in and said that Eric shouldn't call in and complain all the time because the show has given him a bunch of prizes and stuff over the years. Eric is looking for a job and that's why he's been calling in to the show. He said he finished a hotel management course and he would like to get a job in Las Vegas or something. They joked that he could be a ''short order cook'' or something like that. Artie also cracked a joke about being able to see his feet in his driver's license. Howard didn't think it was all that funny but Artie was cracking himself up with his short jokes. He said he's going to go back to Jersey and drink for another four hours and grab a slice of pizza after the show. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Late in the show a caller wondered how Artie gets away with drinking like he did at Pam's hotel room when he gets in trouble for lesser things on his job. Howard told the guy that Artie was partying and he's working on the Howard Stern Show so it's not a problem. The guys were still pumped up from all of the stuff that had happened earlier in the morning so they seemed to be having a lot of fun with Robin's news. Artie was killing with his jokes and comments about some of the stuff they were talking about. They wrapped up the show around 10:20 this morning.
Howard started off the show asking Fred what musical selection he played to open the show. He didn't realize that he was just listening to it but it was ''Fame'' by David Bowie. Howard talked about how he was listening to some old Bonnie Raitt stuff and thought that she used to be really great. He pulled up the music collection on his computer and brought up some of her stuff. He remembered when he first heard about Bonnie when she was just getting some air play. He was having some trouble figuring out which album it was that he was listening to but his music collection didn't give him that information. He played some of her old blues stuff but the quality was really bad. He played her song ''Love Me Like a Man'' and it sounded like it was recorded back when they first invented recording equipment. He played another one of her songs and it was just as bad. Scott the Engineer came in and said that it was the compression rate that the songs were recorded at that screwed it up. It was sampled at a very low sample rate.
A listener called in and said he read some stuff on the bulletin board that Howard wrote. He said that there was some good stuff in there. That led to Howard talking about how Scott DePace will not be going on the board anymore because someone posted his address and phone number there. Howard said that he will take the whole board down if people are going to be doing crap like that. He talked about how much it costs to keep getting more and more people on the board. Robin keeps getting knocked off the board when she goes on and Howard has had some issues himself. There are some people on that bulletin board who are scary.
The phone caller Howard had on the line said that Benjy does some great posts on there. DePace said that Benjy had a post on there where he just posted a bunch of numbers. The caller, known as ''Al Swerengen,'' said he as participating in that so Benjy told him he had posted some good numbers. There were some discussions about the posts about Artie on the web site and about how Howard has to think about the food he eats and even thinks about eating just one grape at times. Howard said he was with his girlfriend Beth last night and he only lasted about 3 seconds with her. He stays in shape for her and that's why he has to think about eating that one grape.
Howard talked about how bad he looks when he gets fat. He thinks that Artie has his weight spread around evenly but when he gets fat, it just becomes a mess of a big ass, feminine boobs and stuff like that. Pam Anderson ripped his shirt off yesterday at her hotel room and he was wishing that he looked better for her. Later in the day he got a phone call from her asking him to come to her lingerie show though so she must be interested in some way.
Howard wasn't sure how Pam would be in bed because she seemed a little rough yesterday when she was pulling his hair and stuff. She might get bored by him if he was with her. Artie mentioned Pam's sex tape with Tommy Lee and how fun she looked in that. Howard talked about how she looked good at every angle she was shown at in that video. That led to him talking about how great her ass was when he saw her yesterday. Her ass was a perfect size for her ass and he was blown away by that.
Howard got some e-mail feedback about the Pam Anderson visit yesterday. He said about half of the audience loved the show and went on to read some of the mail. People were saying that it was great, fascinating radio. People were saying that it was what the Howard Stern Show should be like all the time. Howard said that encouraged him to do something like that every week now. There was also some negative feedback about the Pamela hotel room stuff. Fred said that people either loved that stuff or hated it. He read through some of that mail where people complained about the whole thing. Some people can't believe the guys are so taken with Pam after all of these years.
Howard said people were walking down the street telling him that the show was great. Al told Howard that it was a classic show and he loved it. There were people who asked Howard why he didn't bang Pam. Howard pointed out that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't want to screw that up. He and Artie talked about how manly that whole thing was and how it was the polar opposite of gay over there. Except for the girl on girl stuff that was happening.
Some people wrote in about Artie's drinking. They were pointing out what an ass he turned into when he had a few drinks in him. There was one guy who said that he probably went out and had about 10 hot dogs and a pizza after leaving the show yesterday. Artie wondered if the guy was following him around after the show because he almost had it right. One guy said that Artie should concentrate on being funny on the show instead of drinking. Howard went on to talk about how it's not even about being funny on his show, he just likes having conversations with people and that's what Artie is good at. He like that Artie can ''be real'' on the show. He got back to the e-mail feedback about Artie where people complained about his drinking yesterday.
Howard said that he got some mail about the construction chick that was on the show yesterday. They put some pictures of her up on his web site. He went on to read some other various mail and there was one about Benjy's sweating. Howard said that Richard Christy has a sweat problem as well and he saw him sweating like crazy the other day. Artie said he's seen Richard running down the street in the morning to work and he gave him a ride the other day. The guys talked about Richard for a short time and mentioned how long his hair is. They said that it hangs down to his ass.
Howard got some mail about his views on the Bush / Kerry issues so he spent a couple of minutes on that subject. One guy thinks that Howard is against America because he's supporting Kerry. He thinks that's a weird thing that republicans put out there. They make it seem like you're anti-American if you don't go along with their politics.
Sean the White Rapper called in and said that this guy Al is a little pussy because he wrote that he was shaking after talking to Howard on the show yesterday. Howard told Sean that he's ruining everyone's fun over on his bulletin board because he calls them names whenever they post something over there. Al told Howard that he likes Sean and the stuff he posts on the bulletin board. He also likes the calls he makes. Sean told Al that he's made like 4500 calls to the show and has never shaken after speaking to Howard. Howard told the guys that he gets nervous when he calls into shows.
Sean thought that Howard didn't like the guys letting him get on the show so often and gave the guys crap when he got through. Howard said he's never given anyone crap about letting him on the air. Howard told the guys he had to take a break but Sean wanted to know when he's going to get his name in color on the bulletin board. Howard told him he's not even sure he's going to be allowed to stay on the bulletin board at all. He took a break a short time later.
Howard wanted to know how they work after that. Robin told Howard how they have a bag where the stuff just flows into whenever it needs to. They talked about how you don't have any control over it so it just empties into the bag at any time. Robin used to be a nurse so she knows about that stuff and how people can have accidents with those things. It can stain shirts and stuff like that if you have an accident. Artie told Howard about how he was in a sketch comedy group that used the house of one of the cast members uncles. The uncle had a group of friends over talking about their colostomy bags so that was really depressing seeing 12 people crying talking about their colostomy bags.
Artie said that a colostomy bag is clearly his future. He thinks he'll probably have a bag in 5 years. Howard said that he's barely been eating anything these days and when he goes to the bathroom, hardly anything comes out. He feels like a rabbit when he goes because pellets come out. He talked about how he uses wet tissues to clean himself up back there because he always feels so messy back there. He ends up using about 50 tissues and balls them all up. He sometimes smells the ball as well. He shoots the ball into the toilet from his sink area once he's cleansed the area. Sometimes it clogs up the toilet though. It takes him forever to clean himself up back there but he has to do it because he gets itchy if he doesn't. Then he'll start sticking his finger back there to scratch himself. That leads to him getting hemorrhoids.
Artie asked Howard if he goes through that ritual when he goes to someone else's house. Howard said he will do the same thing if he goes to someone else's house. Artie talked about how he cleans himself up by taking a shower after going to the bathroom. He's not able to go to someone else's place to dump because he can't hop in the shower afterward. Howard and Artie talked about farting as well after that. Artie said that he doesn't have enough control to fart so he never really does. Artie talked about how he hates going to the bathroom on an airplane. Howard said he'd rather die than go on an airplane. Artie talked about how he can get really comfortable sitting on the bowl when he goes to the bathroom but Howard doesn't like sitting around like that.
Howard doesn't think that Kathie Lee talking about her sister's colostomy bag was cool. Artie is hoping that if he ever has to get a colostomy bag, the sweet release of death takes him first. Howard said he had to take a break but he started doing his impression of Vinnie Favale talking to his girlfriend in those old love tapes of his. He said he's working on getting Vinnie to release those tapes so they can post them on his web site. He then went on to play some audio of Kathie Lee Gifford talking about her sister's colostomy bag. Howard heard a few seconds of that and said he would probably have sex with her sister after hearing that. He was also goofing on Kathie Lee about the wacky stuff she talks about. Kathie Lee talks about how her sister was thankful for the colostomy bag because it allows her to stay alive.
Gary came in and said that he was looking at Kathie Lee's web site (KathieLeeGifford.com) and saw that she's released another CD. He told Howard about the stuff she has on there so he wets on the site himself and read about the wacky stuff she's got on there. They goofed on that for a minute and then went to commercial break.
Howard found the Bonnie Raitt song he was looking for earlier and played that. He let that play for a short time and said he wishes that he could sing. He was wondering how Bonnie is looking these days. Gary said that he met Bonnie one time and she ended up yelling at him. He said that he saw her driving herself to this place he saw her at and asked her if she drove herself. She asked him if he had a problem with that and told him that's how she gets places. Howard loves the way she sings but when he's gone to see her in concert, she doesn't have a voice. He's tried to see her three times and she didn't have a voice at any of those.
Howard said he thought that Yaqi the Tickler was dying or something. Robin said that she thought he just wanted to get out of the tickling thing. Howard played a clip of Yaqi talking about his tickling stuff. He said that he thought Yaqi was gay but he only wants to tickle chicks. He talked about when he was on the show and how the guy got out of the tickling stuff for a while.
Yaqi was on the phone and he told Howard that he put his web site back up but he is dying. Yaqi told the guys that he's got this Sarchoidosis which is an inflammatory disease that has spread throughout his body. He explained what the disease has done to him and how he has a screwed up immune system. They give you these terrible drugs that shut your immune system down to stop this disease. He doesn't know how long he has to live but he's going to have this stuff the rest of his life.
Artie wondered if this was AIDS that he was talking about. Yaqi says that this is not AIDS and he's not gay. They've been over that before and he is not gay. Howard said that if he is dying, he wants to do something for him. They're not sure how quickly he's going to die though. Howard asked Yaqi who his ultimate tickling fantasy is. Yaqi has been trying to do some things and he's trying to get Drew Barrymore to do a video for his web site. Howard said he might be able to get Jaid Barrymore to do something like that but not Drew. Howard said it's his ''Make a Creepy Wish'' thing. Yaqi seems to think that Howard could be very influential in trying to get Drew to do this video for his web site. The video would be used to raise money for a charity for this awful disease and similar diseases.
Howard told Yaqi that he will try to contact Drew and her mother Jaid but he wasn't making any promises. Howard gave him a plug for his web site YaqisWorld.com where you can find out more. Yaqi said that he has seen some of the tickling stuff that Howard has done lately with people like Maria Menounos and the masturbatory level just isn't there. He believes that Howard needs a different design for the tickle chair. Howard said he can come in and advise them on that.
A listener called in and said he had this Sarchoidosis himself but it's not a deadly disease. Yaqi and the caller argued about whether or not it'd deadly for a minute but Howard cut them off and let Yaqi go. Yaqi had other things to talk about but Howard was trying to end the interview. Yaqi mentioned the DVDs he's got out now and how they are available from MicroCinema.com. He also told Howard that he can now hear the show out in Houston where he lives. Howard was finally able to end the interview and played some of Yaqi's creepy tickling video clips.
Howard goofed on the videos he was playing and said that the techno music he plays in his video makes it even creepier. He said techno music is the evil part of that stuff and nothing good ever happens when you hear techno music playing. Fred played some goofy techno music in the background while Howard and Artie created their own tickling video discussion goofing on Yaqi. Howard had to take a break after doing that.
Howard brought up this Mary Kay Letourneau who let a 12 year old boy bang her and ended up having two kids with him. She just got out of jail and everyone is worried about her relationship with the guy who is now 21 years old. Howard and Robin talked about that story for a few minutes. The poor husband had to move to Alaska to get away from all of that nonsense. Howard said that if something like that happened with his wife, he knows that he'd be getting calls from people like the White Rapper and he knows he couldn't deal with it.
Howard said he never even thought about banging someone when he was 12 years old. He wondered what turned Mary Kay on to that 12 year old. He said he must have looked good on his bicycle or something. That led to Howard talking about his bike riding days as a kid and how he had sissy bars on his bike.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to ask him some questions about why so many people in show business are backing John Kerry in the run for President. The caller said that he is against both Bush and Kerry. Howard said that not everyone in show business is backing Kerry and he's seen plenty of guys backing Bush. Howard spoke to the guy who was for the Libertarian party and said that there's no way the Libertarian party can win the election so he'd better make a choice between the two people who have a chance to win. He hung up on him so he could get to Jillian Grace.
Howard said that this chick Jillian Grace (JillianGrace.net) who came in recently to be evaluated for Playboy went in for her Playboy shoot and the E! guys shot some video of her having it done. Howard liked listening to the photographer who was telling Jillian how to pose for the pictures. She's only 18 years old and Howard had forgotten that. He thought she was like 21. The photographer was telling her to move and not to smile as much and stuff like that. Howard had the tape playing during the break but Artie had run out for some reason so he had to replay it for him. Artie thought she looked great and mentioned that Ralph thought she wasn't good enough for Playboy. They shot the photos at Playboy's Chicago headquarters. The guys who saw her said that she definitely has what it takes to get in the magazine. She's got the mid-west look that they like over there. Howard thinks she'll be Playmate of the year.
Howard brought up this congresswoman Heather Wilson who is up for reelection. She's not in an area where Howard is on the air though. She has been trying to get Howard's show off the air for some reason though. He read some statistics about her run against this other guy and they're basically tied. Howard is going to donate to her opposition's web site. The guy running against her is Richard Romero.
Howard read some of Doug Goodstein's notes about the Jillian Grace photo shoot. He describes Jillian's look and it came across really creepy to him. Doug describes her firm breasts and ass in the note. It sounded like Doug was in love after hearing that very detailed description.
Howard got an e-mail from a guy in Japan who told him that they want to interview him for a Japanese newspaper. They want to talk to him about the FCC and free speech. Howard said he doesn't care about that because his show doesn't air in Japan. The person who wrote to him said that they would like to let the Japanese people know more about Howard Stern because he's a relative unknown over there. He still didn't seem interested in that though. Robin told him that if they did know about him, he might get offers to do advertisements and stuff like a lot of celebrities do. Howard said he was once offered the chance to do some cigarette ad over there but his agent turned it down for him.
Howard got an e-mail from someone who photoshopped the Olsen Twins onto someone else's bodies. He knew that it wasn't them because they looked way too hot. He then brought up how this Senator Brownback is up for reelection in November and he'd like to see his opponent win but they're not on in his area. You can help out his opponent by going to his web site JonesForSenate.us.
Howard and Robin talked about the Victoria Gotti show ''Growing Up Gotti.'' Howard said he could kind of relate to Victoria as a mother. He liked the show when he saw it. A listener called in and told Howard that he and Robin should keep their mouths shut about the Gotti's. It turned out to be the White Rapper getting through once again. Howard said he knew it was him and had to hang up on him as he was repeating ''white rapper, white rapper'' over and over again.
Howard played a clip of Artie's mother leaving a voice mail for him to come over and get some food for the week. Artie said that he gets like a week's worth of food at a time when his mother cooks for him. Howard said his mother hardly ever cooked and never really had anyone over to her house for dinner. Howard is the one who ends up putting parties together and his family just waits for him to put something together. His sister never does anything and his parents never have anyone over. It's too stressful for them for some reason.
Artie talked about all of the bread products that he ends up eating. They talked about how fat people have become in this country and that led to them talking about McDonald's restaurants and how they're still trying to get everyone to show up at their restaurants by offering salads and other foods that are low in carbs. Howard would like to open up his own restaurant to compete against them because they won't advertise on his show. They think that he's disgusting and bad for the country but meanwhile, they're fattening up the country.
Artie brought up how there are tons of McDonald's on the highways out there and that's where people end up eating while they're on the road. Howard said they should have Scores clubs on the sides of the highways instead. He talked about how great those clubs are and how none of the other clubs out there are as good. Robin said that she was reading some stuff on the HowardStern.com bulletin board and people were saying that Scores isn't so great. They seem to think that there are much better clubs out there where the chicks are just about begging you to touch them.
Howard read that his radio show is the most popular search as far as talk radio shows go according to Lycos. He said it means nothing but it does inflate his ego. Howard brought up his web site and talked about that for a minute. Robin was telling him how many web sites there are about him out there when you do a search for his name. He said the web site is just in it's infancy at this time and they'll be doing more stuff in the future.
A listener called in and told Howard about how he got to have sex with his babysitter when he was about 11. He said that she was about 16 and he was only 11. She was into some S&M stuff that was a little too intense for him. The guy said it went on for about 6 or 7 months and they did everything together. They spent a short time talking about that before Howard moved on to others.
A guy by the name of Michael called in and said that he wrote an article for Penthouse magazine and everyone is mis-interpreting what he wrote. He said it was a satire but everyone is thinking that it was a negative article. The caller said he was doing it in the voice of the Heather Wilson's and others out there but people don't seem to get it. Howard doesn't get it either so he wishes that the guy was a better writer so people got it. Howard seems to think that the people at Hustler magazine get what's going on and they are supporting him. He likes that they're supporting him but then you turn the page in the magazine and they have articles about blue balls and stuff like that. He wanted to see the magazine but Gary came in and told him that it must have been filed or something because he didn't have it available. During all of that Robin asked if KC was in today because he was out yesterday. Howard said he doesn't know why he's out but he didn't come in for a second day. They didn't get into details but he is out for the second day in a row.
Howard got a note from Rob Schneider who is over in Amsterdam shooting the sequel for ''Deuce Bigalow.'' He also sent over the video clip of the auditions for this naked chick scene in the movie. Howard wants to put the clip up on his web site because it's really good. Rob told Howard and the crew that he'll be over in Amsterdam for the whole summer so if they wanted to come visit, they'd be welcome.
Fruity Nutcake the Rappin' Granny showed up today for her 82nd birthday. Howard didn't invite her up, she just showed up. Howard said it makes him sick to look at her when she comes in. He told her that she looks much better when she wears a lot of clothing. Gary told Howard that she was holding her teeth in her left hand. She said she can't talk with them in and she can't talk with them out. She was yelling because her hearing is going as well.
Howard said that she's one of those old bags who is trying to be younger than she really is. You see people like that in old age homes all the time. Granny said that her son is her manager and he's 57 years old. She also talked about her grand kids and how they don't send her any cards or even call her. She was saying that she only has a son but it turns out she has a daughter as well. She didn't want to talk about her because she's been such a problem to her. She started to rap for Howard and did her usual ramblings that don't go along with the music they have playing. She went on and on for a couple of minutes. Howard and the guys thought it was kind of funny the way she dances around. Howard wondered if she was ever hot and figures that it wasn't possible that she was.
Granny told Howard that she's kind of lonely these days and no one calls her. She doesn't have any friends so Howard told her that she's too intense and that's why no one wants to hang out with her. She said she had friends when she was younger and she's not too intense. All of her friends and husband all died off so she doesn't have anyone around now. Howard wondered if she ever touches herself these days. She says that she never did that and certainly doesn't do it these days. She was not informed about sex when she was younger and it was a different generation. She said she was a virgin like so many other people were at that time.
Howard asked Granny about going to the gynecologist and if the guy throws up when he looks at her private parts. Howard said that he had a friend who was a gynecologist and he told him how scary an 82 year old woman's private parts were. He spent a couple more minutes talking to Granny and then gave her a couple of plugs for the stuff she was there to promote. Granny is making an appearance in the city soon at The High Life at The Slide in Manhattan. You can e-mail her at FruityNutcake@yahoo.com. Howard wished her a happy birthday and gave her a $500 prize courtesy of ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' which is out on DVD now.
Howard said that Granny sounds kind of like Don Imus with her teeth rattling around in her head. He played tape of Imus talking about him recently and had Fred doing his impression of him for a short time. Howard went off on Imus for a short time after listening to the tape where Imus bad mouths him and his girlfriend. Imus was rambling about something that Howard and Robin weren't able to figure out. He just couldn't say what he wanted to say for some reason. He wasn't naming names and was being very cryptic about whatever it was he was talking about. Howard and the guys continued to goof on Imus for a few minutes. Howard was wondering what was up with this guy Chef Ron and his case against Imus and his wife's cook book.
This guy The Sim from Howard's message board called in and said he can't believe that guy Imus is calling his girlfriend a slut. Howard and Fred goofed on Imus for a few more seconds and then let Sim talk about the one thread on the bulletin board where this chick has been telling people about her web cam and doing shows for people. He said that she was on last night using a lollipop on herself and then she'd lick it afterward. Howard said that must be why the board was clogged up last night. Howard said he wants to check her out himself so she'd better be on the next time he's on.
A caller told Howard that Imus doesn't hate him, he just reacts that way when he feels he was attacked. Howard goofed on the guy again and did his impression of him along with Fred. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard got some video from Doug Goodstein that was really funny. He described what the woman was doing to this guy for this porn movie they were shooting. She was servicing an area that shouldn't be serviced and the guy blasts a fart right in her face. Robin said they were talking about that video on the bulletin board last night. Howard said he has sent it to like a million people so far. The woman runs out of the room after he farts in her face. The guys were talking about how that could screw that woman up for the rest of her life. She may not want to go back to doing that to guys in the future.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Howard about Rush Limbaugh since he'd been talking about Imus earlier. She wondered if he was vindicated from the drug charges he had against him. Howard and Robin weren't sure what was going on with that these days. That led to them goofing on Imus again for a minute before Robin started her news.
Robin started her news but Howard had some tape of Tom Cruise turning the tables on James Lipton on ''Inside the Actors Studio'' recently. Cruise asks Lipton a bunch of the same questions he usually asks the actors he has on his show. Howard goofed on that for a short time and had some fun with that.
Howard got a little sidetracked when he started messing around with his music library again. He was pulling up songs that the guys were talking about during the news. He and Gary ended up having some problems with the system and had to get it working again. They played some more Bonnie Raitt, Bruce Spingsteen, Dave Matthews (accidentally) and some Pearl Jam. Howard said that he thinks Pearl Jam's ''Glorified G'' is their best song ever. Artie was singing along to Bruce Springsteen's ''No Surrender'' and he knew almost all of the lyrics by heart.
A listener called in during the news and had a game for the guys to play. He asked the guys how many times Nicole Richie said the term ''That's Hot'' when she was on Howard's E! show recently. The guys all guessed at how many time she said it. Howard figured it was like 37 times, Robin said 32, Artie said 10 and Fred guessed it was 25. It turns out she only said it 13 times. The guy said that Howard said it 8 times himself.
Another caller suggested that when Imus dies, Howard should take the money he gets from his Clear Channel lawsuit and buy the Imus cancer ranch. Howard seemed to think that was a good idea and talked about how he could erase the Imus name from it if that happened.
Late in the show Captain Janks called in and said he made a prank call to Don Imus' show and told them that he was a woman who was going to commit suicide. He did his female voice and asked Imus what it was like to be a loser. Imus couldn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself a few times. Imus finally heard him when he switched to his real voice and then hung up on him. Howard gave Janks a $500 prize and let him go after getting a few laughs out of that call. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:30 this morning.
The fact that Gene has slept with over 3000 women also came up. Gene explained how he doesn't mess around with the B.S. of trying to sweet talk a woman. He just talks to her honestly and if he finds one attractive, he'll tell her that right off. Howard thought of the relationships as one night stands but Gene doesn't see it that way.
Gene was in to promote a few things including his autobiography which will be out in the fall and a KISS box set that will cost about $250. The main thing he was promoting was a new KISS casket! He said he'll be at the Jacob Javits Convention Center tomorrow from 10am to 3pm promoting this thing. It's a full sized actual casket that will cost you about $4500. It's waterproof so it can also be used as a cooler in your house. So you can enjoy it while you're alive and dead. Of course it has KISS stuff all over it.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls from people and then let Gene talk about how KISS has come close to beating the Beatles in sales and attendance records. He said they've actually beaten The Beatles in some attendance records. Craig's ''Gene'' said they beat the ''Most Anal'' record and they actually invented anal sex because the band was getting tired of vagina. ''Gene'' also joked that on KISSOnline.com you'll soon see a ''Cash-Cam'' where you can watch Gene count your money. Of course you'll have to pay to see him counting your money. The real Gene laughed at that whole idea.
Someone on the phone asked Gene if he's ever banged any famous chicks like Pamela Anderson. He started to talk about Pam when ''Gene'' interrupted and said that he'd banged Betty Crocker. The real Gene just said ''I give up.'' Another caller said he'd been to 13 KISS shows. ''Gene'' interrupted again and said that KISS' first fan was Eleanor Roosevelt.
Chaunce Hayden called in and tried to tell a story about going to Scores with Gene but Gene said it wasn't true. Chaunce said that he and Gene compared tongues and Gene lost to him, threw down his non-alcoholic drink and ran out when he lost. Gene swore on his children that he's never done anything like that in his life.
The other reason Gene was in was to promote a band called The Rosenbergs. One of the guys from the band was there to tell a story about how a web site tried to have their band sign a 23 page contract that would have made them almost slaves. They wanted their first 6 records and a bunch of other stuff. Gene was there to warn other bands to be careful with stuff like this. He said there's nothing like having a real record company behind you to give you an advance and to distribute your records. Howard spent a short time talking to that guy and then wrapped things up after bringing in a couple of Gene's fans. Two women came in dressed up as KISS members and said they'd like to have sex with Gene. Gene just told them about his new KISS casket and how they could use it as a cooler.
Gary eventually got this Kara Young on the phone to try and straighten things out. She basically backed up what Trump was saying but not exactly. She said that she did meet Trump when she was still dating AJ. AJ said that was a technicality and Trump was dating her when she was still going with him. It was all a bunch of crap but the fighting was funny as hell. Earlier AJ had said that Trump was still calling Kara incessantly trying to get her back. Kara said she didn't want to comment on that because Donald is dating someone now. By the end of the segment, around 11 o'clock, AJ was apologizing to Trump for yelling at him.
All Trump was calling in for was to promote the Miss Universe Pageant that airs Friday night at 9pm on CBS. Howard got around to plugging that at the end of his call. Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Miss France who was rumored to have been a man at one point in her life. Trump said it turns out she was never a man and if she had been, she would have been disqualified. This will probably be replayed on tomorrow's show because Howard thought it was great radio. He told Donald that he was going to promote the Miss Universe Pageant like crazy on the show tomorrow.
Howard asked Mr. Methane if he'd be up for a full hour long show on Broadway. He said he could probably do a 50 minute show no problem. Howard was wondering what he could charge for a show like that. He was thinking somewhere around $20 or so.
Mr. Methane was going to blast out some tunes for people to guess at. He first ''tuned up'' by sucking some air in his ass and then blasted out his first tune. It was obviously ''Jingle Bells'' and everyone knew it. KC said that his farts are really stinky today. Mr. Methane said that when he travels the food he eats cause some stink down there so that explains why it's' so bad.
The second tune he blasted out was ''Silent Night'' which Robin actually knew. Howard thought it was ''Deck the Halls'' but he was wrong. Howard still found it amazing that anyone could fart out a song that's recognizable. Mr. Methane went on to blast out a few more quick tunes like ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer'', ''We Wish You a Merry Christmas'' and ''Deck the Halls.'' Howard wrapped up the interview after taking a couple of phone calls for Mr. Methane. He told Mr. Methane he's going to work on getting him that Broadway gig. Mr. Methane says he's looking forward to it. You can visit his web site MrMethane.com for more information.
Elliott and his 19 year old girlfriend Nadia came in. As soon as Robin said one word to Elliott he went off on her. He was yelling and calling her a ''bull dog'' and a lot of other stuff as the two of them went at each other. Howard said Nadia was really hot and way too hot for Elliott. Nadia claims that they really are a couple. She said that women are always staring at him when he runs 17 to 20 miles a day. Howard said that's because he's dressed like a woman.
Howard said he doesn't believe that the two of them have ever kissed or made love. Elliott said that he just met her a few weeks ago and wouldn't talk about having sex with her. Howard tried to get her to swear that she was actually with the guy but she refused. Elliott wouldn't let her do it either. Elliott did cop a feel at one point and said that no one else in the studio could do that. Howard and Artie said that Nadia looked like she was scared for her life.
Elliott went on and on ranting and raving about how everyone in the studio is out of shape. He really went crazy on Robin who he said has ballooned. He claims that he's going to live 180 years and has written a book about how he's going to do that.
Howard just wanted the two of them to kiss each other but they refused. Howard was just trying to prove that they are't a real couple. Howard said she wouldn't kiss him because she hates him. He asked Nadia if she knew what Elliott's favorite food was. She didn't know so Howard said it's penis. He said Elliott is more likely to want to kiss KC than Nadia.
Elliott ended up walking out of the studio with Nadia for some reason. Howard then tried to wrap it up and said he was done with the whole thing. Gary said Elliott was out in the hall trying to convince the girl to kiss him but she was refusing.
Howard wanted to get Nadia back in the studio alone but Elliott wouldn't have it. They came back in and did kiss each other. Gary said she looked like a clown after the kiss because he was wearing so much makeup. Someone said it looked like a rape. They also said it was obvious that Nadia didn't enjoy the kiss. Robin said the only person who enjoyed it even less was Elliott himself. Howard said you had to see the look on her face when he kissed her. She was apparently repulsed by it but wouldn't admit it. Howard gave Elliott his plug and ended the interview. Robin and Elliott had one last yelling match before the commercial break.
Howard spent a little more time goofing on Erik and finding out all kinds of weird crap about him. He has all kinds of problems with his feet and toenails. He gets infections in his feet if he cuts his own toenails so he goes to a podiatrist to have them cut. It costs him a $10 copay when he does that. He said sometimes he has a friend that cuts them too. While they were talking about stinky Erik, Artie started singing some of the ''Stink Finger'' song but made it ''Stink Toenail'' and ''Stink Stomach'' instead. Artie said it's like a theme song for a super hero. Every time he walks in a room it would start of with ''Stink'' something.