| Monday | Tuesday |
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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | Mastertape Theatre |
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Howard started off the show talking to Robin about being sick this morning. Robin said that she thinks she got sick from Beth. She said she spent the weekend up in cold, damp Boston for her nephew's graduation. She said that it was bone chilling cold up there and it went right through her.
Howard said that he told Robin that she could still get sick. Robin said she knows that she can and she ended up having a coughing attack last night. Howard said that Robin was claiming that she doesn't get sick since she got on her diet but that's just not the case. Robin said that she sounds fine today but Howard told her that she really doesn't.
Robin said that the weather was 50 degrees and raining up in Boston and the ceremony was outside. Artie sounded surprised that it was cold up there. Robin said that she was getting better last week even after she sounded okay after starting to get a stuffy nose.
Artie told Benjy to wait until after the show to shave from now on. Howard said that there was blood dripping out of the band aid and he was sweating like crazy. He was dripping sweat and blood. Howard said this was unbelievable and he's really not together. If he just got up 15 minutes earlier he wouldn't be so gross. Benjy said that's not true.
Howard told Benjy that he looks much better after the show is over and that's why he thinks that he'd be better if he got up earlier.
Fred said that the blood was coming out of the bandage and dripping. Robin said that it was the funniest to see that.
Howard said it's funny that Artie is as healthy as a horse. Howard said that Robin's nephew should have made her a super-enema to keep her from getting sick.
Robin talked about her nephew going over to Rome on a ship after his graduation. HE's going over there to get his Masters.
Artie said that he saw the movie ''21'' over the weekend and thought it was great. He said he saw it on On Demand in a hotel room.
Howard read an article about the FCC decision on the XM/SIRIUS merger. He read about the reasons that Kevin Martin is giving for the decision taking so long to come down. Howard read through the article where they talked about how the merger should go through because it's really not a monopoly since they're competing against so many other things.
Howard said that he had a pin holding his pants together and his shoe got stuck on that. Robin asked him what was going on with that. He's a wealthy man and should be able to have his pants tailored. Howard said he doesn't want to end up like Ed McMahon so that's why he's doing it this way. That led to Howard talking about seeing Ed McMahon on Larry King's show talking about how he lost all of his money.
Howard said that if he had 200 million bucks in the bank, he could live off of that and wouldn't invest it like Ed McMahon said he was doing with his money. Howard said that he could live off of that kind of money. He said that Ed had a $7 million home and he could have just put the rest of the money in the bank and lived off of bonds and stuff like that instead of trying to invest it all.
Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about Ed's bankruptcy and what they've heard about how he lost the money. Howard said that Ed has had a blessed career and made a lot of money.
Robin said that she was trying to see Stuttering John on the Tonight Show the other night but he was on and off so quickly that she missed him. Robin said that she barely even heard his voice. Howard said that she should play it in slow motion, like his family does, so it looks like he's on for 30 minutes.
Robin said she wanted to see John raise his cup like she's seen him do because that is her favorite thing on there. Artie said that he's only seen the show about 10 times total and he just doesn't dig seeing Jay as the host of that show. He said that he's grating as the host.
Howard said that he heard that John wasn't doing the salute he used to do on that show. He asked Fred if he knew anything about that but Fred had no idea. He said he watches it less and less than he used to and he thinks she's only watched it one and a half times total.
Howard and Fred goofed on John and Jay by doing impressions of both of them. They were talking about John inviting Jay to his movie premiere and reenacted how that might have gone. Howard was doing his Leno impression while Fred did his Stuttering John.
Fred did his impression of John holding up his coffee cup too and goofed on that. Howard started to do his Stuttering John stutter as well and goofed on John a little bit. Howard said that they seem to have cut John's time short on that show these days. They used to let him stay on longer when he was first starting out over there.
JD came in and told the guys when John holds up his coffee cup on the show. He said that it's a really quick thing that he does when Jay introduces him. Artie said that John has the best gig over there. He said that he doesn't have to rehearse that coffee cup thing.
Artie said that John might be out of work when Jay leaves NBC. Robin said that Jay is looking kind of disturbing these days and has some kind of orange make up on. Howard said that's because he has a pumpkin head.
Howard said that he does have an issue with them not sending him a screener yet. He said that he deserves a screener because he's a huge fan of comic book movies and he promotes that kind of stuff all the time. He said that he still plugs the comic books. He said he even knows that the Hulk has a son in the latest comic books.
Howard said he read about some of the stuff that was in the article he read about the new comic book. He said that Hulk jumped from Earth to another planet and had sex with an alien chick who gave birth to his son. Howard had all of the details about the mother and how Hulk doesn't even know he has a son. Howard said that Hulk thought that his son was killed in a crash or something.
Howard read an article about Bill Murray and he was kind of bummed out about what he's been reading. He said he always thought that Bill was one of the good guys. He said he's loved his work over the years but now he's reading that his wife was talking about him being very physical with her and their kids. Now Bill is saying that the wife is the one with the drinking problem.
Howard read through the article and they're saying that the wife was drinking and got physical with the kids. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he had the Hulk story wrong. He didn't jump to the other planet, he was sent there. Howard said he realized he got that wrong and claimed that he had just explained it the wrong way.
The caller told Howard about how he's going to be relocating and his wife doesn't want to go with him. The guy said he was moving to Louisiana. Artie said he was down there one time and there was a bug on a drive-thru speaker the size of a poodle down there.
Artie said that he felt a pressure to be witty around the guy. He said that it was just him, Bill Murray, Jim and the two kids. they just watched some basketball for like 3 hours. He said that Bill was really nice the whole time but he did seem like he was annoyed by the movie he was working on with Alec Baldwin.
Artie said that everything he was saying was calculated a million times to make Bill laugh. Jim asked him to do an impression he did because he saw that Jim knew that he was trying to say witty stuff. Howard asked him why he felt he had to talk if they were watching a game. Artie said that if it wasn't Bill Murray he wouldn't have been like that.
Artie said that it was amazing having those two guys in the room talking about the bad commercials that were on during the game. They were goofing on Arsenio Hall and a commercial he was doing at the time. He said that Bill and Jim were really funny but he wasn't having the same kind of home runs that they were.
Artie said that he did this impression of this announcer Jim Gordon that Jim had asked him to do. He said that he made Downey laugh with it but it felt like a screen test. Artie said that he blew the impression that he had never screwed up before.
Artie said that the rest of the day didn't go very well after that. He said that Bill and his kids were very nice and cordial but he felt like he blew an audition and just annoyed Bill. He said he has the feeling that Jim gets together with Bill and they goof on him.
Howard read that Jim Downey is Robert Downey Jr's uncle. Artie said that he doesn't think that's right and it might be a different Jim Downey.
Howard said that those celebrity meetings can be kind of awkward. He said that he and Steve Martin have gotten together for dinner before and they were supposed to go out to dinner a couple of months back but they both got busy and had to do things. He said that he never heard back from Steve after he turned him down a couple of weeks in a row. He said that he might be better off not going out with Steve because he feels pressure when he goes out.
Howard said that he can picture himself trying to do his Ted Kennedy impression for Steve and it'll come out in his regular voice. He did that impression as it might go if he did it for Steve and it was in his regular voice.
Howard said he's not even sure how into the show Steve Martin really is. He said that he may have just seen his movie and that was it.
Howard talked about going over to do Live at Five on a local newscast to promote something. He said that Bill Murray was there with Governor Mario Cuomo. Howard said that someone suggested that they take a picture together and everyone seemed to be kind of annoyed about that. He said that they all stood there and posed though and pretended that they were friendly. He said that they didn't really speak to one another. He said that he should have gone up to Bill and told him it was thrilling for him to be there with him but he was an angry motherfucker back then and didn't want to do that.
Robin said that she was at a Steve Winwood concert and ended up kind of dancing with Bill there. They just happened to be sitting next to each other and got up and danced when the whole place started to do that.
Howard said that the ''Kung Fu Panda'' movie was number one at the movies this weekend. He said Sandler's movie, ''Don't Mess With The Zohan,'' did pretty good making $40 million the first weekend. Robin said that the premise of that sounds so dumb to her. Howard said that one of his friends said he saw it and thought it was brilliant.
Howard said that he figured it couldn't have been brilliant but his friend insisted that it was. Artie said that some of the reviewers liked it but others hated it. Howard said that it was written by Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow. He said that Beth loves the ads for the movie when Sandler has his feet up in the air.
Howard said that one dog is enough for him. He said he can't imagine that he'd get into more than one. Howard said that the dogs need attention and if you have multiple dogs they're not going to get the same amount of attention.
Bobo asked Howard if he gets to see his old dog Java. Howard said that he got to see her last week when he was out at his old house visiting. He said that Java still knows him and still seems to love him. He said that he gets sad thinking about her because that was really his dog. He said that he wanted his kids to keep the dog there so he didn't make a big deal out of it when the divorce was going through.
Robin said that she has a friend who was telling her about how great it's been to have kids later on in his life. Howard said that the guy is probably lying. Bobo said that it's a lot of work. HE's got a 20 month old kid and he's in his 50s. He's got 30, 28 and 26 year old kids as well.
Howard said that he was putting on his rubber last night and Beth told him that he should just do her without one. Howard said that he's not going to do that without a vasectomy. He said that he hasn't had sex without one since he had his kids. He said he loves wearing them now. He said that it's also a great way to get out of explaining why he'd need a rubber if he went out and cheated on Beth. He said that if that happened he wouldn't have to tell her that he needs a rubber because he had gone out and slept with someone else.
Bobo asked what size condoms Howard wears. Howard jokingly said that he has to get the Magnum condoms but he just takes the regular sized rubbers and puts them in those wrappers. He said that he gets a gross of Magnums and opens them up carefully to swap out the condoms. He said that way Beth sees that wrapper.
Howard said he wished that he used the Magnums but he figured that he would be floating around in them. Artie said that he'd love to just order them one day just to know what that feels like. Howard said that he could probably make some good money if he had a condom that was disguised as a giant condom but it was just a regular size. Howard said that they'd have to kill off any women that found out that those condoms were regular sized.
Howard said that the one guy there that does wear Magnums is Jason Kaplan. He has to wear them because of his girth. Howard said that he wants to see Jason's penis now that he's found that out.
Jason came in and said that he can fit into a regular condom but it's not comfortable. He said that he's very small when he's not engorged but he gets pretty big when he's worked up. Jason said that he doesn't have a lot of length. He said that the condom is all bunched up on the bottom when he puts those Magnums on. Howard said that he unrolls the whole condom to the base of his penis when he's got one on.
Howard said that it sounds like Jason has a penis the size of a tuna can or something. Howard said that's good for Jason.
Howard said that he's back to buying Trojan condoms. He was getting Durex for a while but now he's back to Trojan for some reason. He said that Durex changed something and he likes the Trojan's. He said that his assistant buys them for him now. He said he doesn't buy them himself. Artie said he should do that with his assistant too. He said that's a great move.
Bobo asked how many condoms Howard goes through a month. Howard said he's not sure but it's quite a few. He said that he's like a sex addict or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he keeps Magnums in his bathroom just to impress the chicks. He said he keeps one or two in there just so they see them and expect him to be big.
A caller told Artie that he's going to melt over in Iraq when he's there. The guy told him what his trip was like and how hot it was.
The guys talked about the weather over in Afghanistan because Artie could be sent over there instead of Iraq. Artie has no choice in that. Howard said that the temperatures range from -10 degrees to 110. Robin read about the Iraq weather which was blowing dust and 102 degrees.
Howard said he had to take a break but the caller said that he wanted to tell a quick story. He laughed at one point and Howard told him that he really has to quit smoking. He said that he sounds like he's got some stuff going on in those lungs. That led to Fred playing clips of Henry Hill laughing that made the caller laugh even more. Then Artie got in on it and started laughing too. The caller said that he's smoking about 3 packs a day.
Then Fred started to play some of Henry Hill's coughing laughs with the caller laughing in the background. Howard said that they should do dueling laughs with Henry Hill and the caller. The caller was cracking up and laughing constantly so it was an easy thing to do. Artie was laughing his ass off at the guy on the phone. He said that they should play his call as an advertisement for SIRIUS. The caller asked them to stop because he wasn't able to stop laughing.
Fred tried to do the dueling coughs but Howard had to cut him off so he could go to break. The caller was still laughing so Artie told him to call back sometime because he was a good caller. Artie was making him laugh even more with his Henry Hill impressions. The guy would start cracking up which made everyone laugh and then Fred would throw in some more Henry Hill coughing and laughing clips. The caller started doing an impression of Henry which made Artie laugh too.
Artie said he's going to call that guy on vacation just so he can hear that guy laugh. Howard had to got to break after that.
Howard had some new Baba Booey song parody contest entries to play. He had one that was to the tune of the Flintstone's theme song. He said it was pretty good and he liked it. The same guy sent in one to the tune of the Benny Hill theme song. Howard said that you can enter as many times as you want to. You can find more details at Sirius.com/howardstern.
Howard said that same guy sent in one about Sal and his wife to the tune of the ''Friends'' theme song. He played that one and it was called ''Sal's Wife Cheats On Him (With the Emotional Friend).'' Howard started singing along with that one and aids that it was very catchy. Howard said that they should have a TV show called Emotional Friends.
Eric said that he wanted to talk to them about the way they treated him last week. Howard said that he doesn't even remember last week. Eric told Howard that he's not even good every morning. Howard said that he is pretty good every morning, he's the most successful radio guy out there so that argument isn't going to work.
Eric told Artie that at least if he goes on TV he doesn't go on wearing a dirty shirt. Howard asked Eric if he had anything important to say this morning because he had to get to Chuck Zito. Eric said that he was just pissed that they treated him the way they did last week.
Artie said that they were once again treated to the SS Boredom. Eric tried to talk more about the Jimmy Kimmel story last week but Howard treated him like shit. Howard said that he had heard about that from Jimmy but the story was very long and boring.
Eric said that the problem between he and Jimmy was caused by Howard. Eric said that Howard read the e-mail that Jimmy wrote to him about his hand and stuff and that wasn't supposed to be read on the air. Artie asked Eric if he'd prefer that Jimmy talk behind his back. Eric said that he doesn't appreciate that either. Artie told Eric that he's a phony who sucks the Hollywood cock because he should still be mad at Jimmy for writing that stuff.
Howard said that he was trying to show Eric that Jimmy isn't really his friend when he read that. He was trying to make sure that Jimmy and Eric didn't get too close because he was jealous. Eric said that's what he thought was going on.
Howard told Eric he had to go so Artie started telling him ''Bye!'' and cutting him off calling him an asshole and stuff like that. Eric was calling him an asshole so he had to fight back. Howard told Eric to call back tomorrow and they'll talk again. He had to get to Chuck Zito.
Howard talked to Chuck about what he was doing in the movie and found out he was doing some stunts for this show. Chuck told him about one stunt thing he did one time where he had to fall down some stairs. On the second take he said he split his head open.
Chuck said that he gets calls from stunt coordinators who will get him jobs on movies and shows like that. He said that he gets paid more for harder stunts that he does. Chuck said that he was thrown off a 28 story balcony one time but he was wired up so he didn't fall more than 10 feet or so.
Howard said that's still pretty dangerous because you don't know if the cable was done right to take the fall. Chuck said that they're all about safety on those movies. He said that he's never turned down a stunt because he thought it was too dangerous.
Howard said that if it was back in cave man days Chuck would rule the world. He said that he's such a tough guy that he'd just take control and rule the world.
Robin said that Chuck had a new tattoo on his shoulder that she just noticed. Chuck said that was for his 8 year old niece who has cancer. He said that he did that just for her. He said that she had a brain tumor at 7 years old and now she can't talk or walk after having the tumor removed. He said that it really hurts him to see stuff like that. He said he'd change places with her in a second if he could.
Howard and Chuck talked about the tattoo and how long it took to get it done. Chuck said that it was 20 hours worth of work. He said that was a few sittings, not just one 20 hour sitting. Chuck said that those tattoos really still hurt even after getting a bunch. He said that he knows that Sylvester Stallone once sat through 10 hours of tattooing at one time. He said that's pretty tough. Howard said that the longest he ever sat for a tattoo was a couple of hours.
Howard said that there was a guy who claimed that Chuck was a ''punch mugged terrible actor'' in a news article. Chuck said that Page Six called him and told him about that comment that was made by this guy Arthur Nascarella and he found that very hard to believe. He thinks that someone was just trying to start some shit with him.
Howard said that someone was telling him that Chuck thought his outfit was kind of strange last week. He said that he told the guy that even if it was strange, Chuck would make it look normal. Howard said he straightened that guy out.
Howard said that Chuck really knows how to be a man and he's always very respectful. He said that Chuck could just come by and steal a girl from him but he's not like that.
Chuck told a story about going out to Vegas with a girl. He went to a fight out there and this chick was texting people while they were in the limo. He said she continued texting people at the fight. He said they went to dinner and she started texting during dinner. Howard figured that she was just bragging to people that she was out with Chuck.
Chuck said that the girl went out to smoke but she didn't come back for like 15 minutes. He went out to find her and she was out talking to some big dude out by the fountain at Caesars. He said that he asked the guy if he lost something. The guy said no so he told him to get the fuck out of there before he punched him out. He said the girl got upset with him getting so upset because the guy just thought she was single out there smoking. Chuck said that the guy claimed that he wasn't even talking to her. He said he just wanted her to stay with him that night but she wanted to go out with her friends so he told her to get the fuck out too.
Howard said she had a similar incident when a guy started talking to a girl he was with. He ended up buying them drinks instead though. He said he bought them drinks and left.
Howard asked Chuck if he can drop his name and tell guys that he's going to knock them out for him. Chuck said that's fine.
Howard said that Chuck was right to walk away from that chick after she did that to him. Chuck said that he met her at a Rambo event that he was at.
Howard asked Chuck if he has ever banged Pam Anderson. Chuck said that he never has. He said that he has kissed and cuddled with her a little bit but that was it. He said they did that at a New Year's Eve party. They're really just friends. He said that she calls him whenever she's in town. Howard said that she calls him too.
Chuck has a bunch of stuff that he's selling on his web site so he got in a bunch of plugs for that stuff. You can find out more at ChuckZito.com
Gary came in and told Howard a story about Chuck going to Doug Goodstein's place one time to go to a party. When he was leaving it was kind of late and Chuck's motorcycle was kind of loud. This woman came out and started yelling at him and threatened to have her husband come out to take care of him. The husband came out and said that he was sorry for what his wife had said, she didn't know what she was talking about.
Howard took some phone calls for Chuck and let some guys talk to him. One guy said that he's had women treat him like they treated Chuck and he feels like slapping them around. Chuck said that he never slaps women around. The caller asked what he'd do if a woman pulled a knife on him. Chuck didn't get to answer.
Robin talked about how Jerry O'Connell told a story about Rebecca Romijn punching him in the neck and just about knocking him out. Chuck said that he'd just laugh at a woman who did that to him.
Howard asked Chuck about getting into some ultimate fighting stuff. Chuck said that he's looking for a big payday to do something like that but he does have some interest in doing it so it might happen. He said that he thinks that he could take out the guys that are half his age, even Tito Ortiz who is a good friend of his.
Chuck said that in the past there were no rules for the fights but now they do have a few rules so they can legitimize the fights. The guys spent some time talking about the stuff you can do in the fights and how they've come out with some rules that have made the fights kind of boring. Chuck said that you can't step on people's heads or stuff like that anymore.
Howard asked Chuck about getting laid and why he hasn't gotten married again. Chuck said that he had been married for 30 years and he had enough of that. He said that the last chick he banged was a chick he met at Scores. He said that she went to hug him after they banged and he told her to get off of him and stay on the other side of the bed. He said that he had enough of her that night and he was done.
Chuck said that the chick was only 18 years old and his sister was asking him what kind of conversation he could have with an 18 year old. Chuck said he told her that he's not having conversations with these chicks.
Chuck looked over at Benjy and saw he was bleeding and said ''I didn't do that.'' That led to Chuck talking about how Ivy Supersonic had called him the other day asking him to beat someone up for her. He said that he told her to call Benjy instead. Howard said that he was reading about Ivy in the paper today and it looks like she might be in big trouble. Benjy said that she went to jail on Friday but she's out now. He said there's more of a story there but when he asked if Howard wanted to hear it, Howard just moved on to talk to Chuck about some other things.
Howard asked Chuck about going to a Japanese jail one time. Chuck said he was kept in that jail over there for four months waiting to be extradited. He said that it was worse in that jail than the worst prison there in the United States. He said he didn't have it so bad because he was locked down from the rest of the other people.
Chuck said that they're very strict over there and make people walk in single file and don't allow them to talk to anyone. Howard asked him why he wasn't allowed into the regular population. He said that's just the rules there. He said that they might not want the foreigners mixing in with the rest of the prisoners. He said that he was locked in the cell for 23 hours a day and let out into a cage outside for an hour a day. The other guys were there calling him Rocky when they'd see him outside.
Howard asked Chuck about banging 3 girls in a 4 hour span. Chuck said that he did but that saying ''What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'' is bullshit. He said that he had picked up one girl there and banged her. Then he went to see Carson Daly do a show there and met another chick on his way there. She was a working girl but he got to bang her for free. Howard said that's quite a compliment when a girl offers to do something like that. Howard asked him if he gave her a tip at least. Chuck joked that he gave her a tip... the tip of his dick.
Howard talked to Chuck about using Viagra. He said he doesn't need it but he has tried it just to see how it works.
Howard said that Chuck was arrested once for refusing to take his jacket off. Chuck said that it was his Hell's Angels jacket. He was up at the Foxwoods Casino and he was there signing autographs and stuff. He said that he was going to see a show up there and when he went to go into the show they told him he had to take the jacket off. He refused to do that so they told him to leave. He refused to leave so the guy called security and they sent over a bunch of State Police who told him that he had to take the jacket off. He was going to see a boxing match so he didn't know why they thought his jacket was going to insight violence. Chuck said they arrested him for that.
Chuck told Howard that he was on the phone with his lawyer talking to him about what was going on and when he refused to leave, the cops arrested him. Chuck said that he doesn't wear any Hell's Angels stuff anymore because he's out of the group. He said that all of the stuff had to go back to the club and he knew that was going to happen. He said that he can still go back and visit the club though.
chuck said that he got rid of his motorcycle and got a 68 Dodge Charger instead. He said he's into cars now. He said that Evan Metropolis is a friend of his and he went over to his house the other day. He said that they took an elevator down to the garage that they have at his house. He said that he's got a huge collection of nice cars there. He said that he's got a bunch of old, unrestored, classic cars that look brand new.
Howard gave Chuck a plug for his show which is on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Chuck said that he has a co-host with him by the name of Frank. The other guy he had on that he couldn't name got busted and then got out of jail again but he still can't mention his name.
chuck said he's not sure why they haven't had him on lately. Howard said that he thinks Tim was upset with him for not helping him lose weight. Chuck said that Tim told him to ask Howard to put him back on so he had to go to him. Howard said he thinks that Chuck should be on every week. He has no problem with that.
Artie asked Chuck to tell a story tonight where he's fucking a chick while beating up a guy. Howard asked Chuck if he's ever come close to something like that. Chuck said that he never has because no guy is going to come into his room when he's banging a chick.
Chuck told a story about going out to a club with a couple of Penthouse Pets one night. He said that he went to the bathroom and when he came back this guy was talking to one of the girls. He figured she knew him but then she asked the guy to leave because he was bothering her. Chuck said that he ended up punching that guy out when he wouldn't leave. He said that's the kind of guys that are out in L.A. and they're very disrespectful.
Chuck told some more stories and then asked if he was going to be invited to his wedding. Howard told chuck that he can't do any better than Beth so he has to marry her.
Howard asked Chuck if he wears Magnum condoms. Chuck said ''Condoms?'' and said that he doesn't wear them. He said that he pulls out. He said that some girls insist that he wear them but he'll just punch a hole in the condom if they make him wear one. He said that he's been lucky so far and hasn't gotten anyone pregnant.
Howard told Chuck that he wears a condom with Beth so chuck asked ''what's wrong with this guy?'' He said that he should just pull out. Howard asked where he drops his load. Chuck said that he doesn't know where it goes, he doesn't care. He'll spray all over the broad. He said that some girls will ask him to watch out for their hair like they don't want to end up like Cameron Diaz in ''Something About Mary.''
Howard wrapped up with Chuck a short time later and gave him some plugs for the second book he's working on and for his web site and stuff like that.
Chuck talked about how he was told to go to anger management after he and his wife were having some problems. He refused to go. He said that his wife was cheating on him and he got upset about that. He said that he can't imagine another guy's cock going into his wife so he kind of flipped out. He said the shrink was kind of intimidated by him as well but then she took him out of the office and started introducing him to people. He said he was trying to be incognito but she was telling everyone where he was. That was the end of his therapy.
Howard wrapped up with chuck after he got in a plug for a car show out in Hicksville, New York. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break.
Artie was thinking about how horrible it would be if some dude was banging his mother in his shore house. Howard assured him that would never happen if he let him take care of his money for him.
Will the Farter came in a short time later. Howard said that Will has a web site where he sells his underwear to gay guys. He said that Will swears that he's not gay though. He's getting married to a chick soon and she's there with him today. Howard said that Will talks dirty to guys and does whatever they ask him to do on camera. Will said that he can make good money doing that. He said he gets paid like $400 to $1000 to do stuff for those guys.
Howard said that Will must be a good looking dude if he gets that kind of money. Robin said that he's really not a good looking guy to her. Will thanked her for that.
Howard asked Will if he farts into the camera for these gay guys. Will said that he does. He doesn't have to see the guys he's doing it for though. He said that he hears the guys getting off sometimes and it makes him laugh. He said that they'll ask to be called a piece of shit and they'll get off on that.
Howard asked Will how this whole painting thing came about. Will said his buddy came up with the idea and he gave it a try. He said that he puts paint in his ass and sprays it on the canvas. Kind of like a Salvador Dali painting. Artie said that he's a ''Fartist.''
Will said that he was going to do some painting this morning. He said that he'll pour some paint in his ass and then he'll squirt it out and it'll spray all over the canvas. Howard had Will do his thing. He went right into it and started sucking air into his ass to do the farting thing. He let out a couple of really juicy sounding farts that blasted out some yellow paint first. He changed colors and put some orange into his ass to squirt that out.
Howard asked Will how he did this with his underwear on. Will just blasted out a couple more wet farts. Artie said that he was going to have to throw out another lunch because of that. Will did some more farts that were even more wet sounding so Howard started to laugh his ass off. He told Will that he's got really ugly feet and he can't imagine that gay guys are beating off to his feet.
Will Murray said that he just slipped in Will's paint. He was all freaked out by that. Will the Farter blasted out some purple paint after that. Artie asked what they were watching there. Howard told him that they were watching farts. Will was gurgling out of his ass and grossing Artie out.
Howard asked Will if he had any control over what came out. Will said that he really didn't and he was exhausted already. Howard told Robin that her coffee enemas might be art.
Will picked up the painting and showed it to everyone. Howard said he kind of liked it. Artie said it looked like someone farted out an M&M Blizzard.
Howard gave will some plugs for WillTheFarter.com and NudeAdultCams.com where he does his cam work.
Howard asked the guys to bring in Will's girlfriend Erica. He talked to her about the upcoming wedding, which is happening later this month. Erica said that her parents don't know what he does for a living. She said that her sister does.
Howard asked Erica if she thinks that this is a good plan for Will's future and if they were going to have kids. Will said that they are not going to have kids. Howard asked Erica if she ever wonders why she fell in love with a farter. She said that she does but she also loves Will.
Howard said that Will the Farter was trying to spray Will Murray with paint. He was blasting out a few farts and trying to hit Will with them. Howard had Will blast out some more paint and he let out some big ones that sounded very wet.
Howard said that Will was going crazy. He went through a few more farts and then Gary came in and asked Erica what she thought about Will's short lived porn career. Erica said that she wasn't too thrilled with it but it's not a big deal. Will said that it was the biggest mistake he ever made.
Howard started to wrap up but Will asked if he could blast out a fart on his megaphone. He had his own with him so Howard told him to go for it. Will blasted out a bunch of farts over the megaphone and had Howard and Artie laughing. Howard asked how he came up with that idea. Will said that he saw the megaphone on the internet and had to have it.
Howard asked Erica if she was there when he came up with that idea. Erica said that he came home and tested it out on her. She said that he usually does it in the basement coming up with some creative ideas. She said that he worked on that one for about a day and then came up and told her to come down and listen to what he had going on.
Will was blasting away through the megaphone while Howard was talking to Erica. He said that's something else. He asked Erica if her parents would beg her to call off the wedding if they knew what he really did. She said that they probably would. She said that they already ask her what she sees in him and they don't know what he does. She said that he makes her laugh and that's the most important thing. Howard gave Will some more plugs and let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard said he has to explain to Big Foot that it's not a person. Artie said that he can't wait to hear him do that.
Ralph said that he had to talk to Fred about how great Fred was last week when he was hitting the buzzer on Big Foot before he'd even get an answer out. Fred said he knew that he wasn't going to get out any answers.
Howard let Ralph go and said that he had some other stuff to get into but he wasn't sure he had time. He said that the band Journey just found some new guy to do the lead singing on their tour and the guy they have is a Philippino guy who can barely speak English. Howard said that when the guy sings he sounds really good but he can barely speak the language. He read that the guy was discovered online.
Howard played a news clip where they talked about the band finding the singer and how that all came about. They had an interview with the singer where he was talking and screwing up the language. The news reporter talked about how this guy's family was broke after his mother passed away. He was living in a park and selling scrap metal to make money.
Howard said that growing up homeless in the Philippines must be a horror show. He said he was reading something fascinating about the internet the other day. He said that there is some space on the TV bands and they could stream internet and TV over these open bands at speeds that would be super fast. He said that he was reading that Google is fighting for it but no one wants it to be allowed. He said that the big companies are fighting to keep it from happening because it would fuck up their business.
Artie said that he was talking to a guy who won an auction to go to lunch with him last Thursday and this guy listens to SIRIUS on his iPod and stuff like that. He said that they could just make all of these things work together.
Ralph called in again and said that he just tuned in and heard Robin with the stuffy nose. He asked if it was a healthy cold like she said last week. Robin said that she never called it a healthy cold but Howard said that she did do that last week. Robin said she probably just made something up.
Howard told Robin that she might be losing too many electrolytes in those enema sessions. Robin said that she gets plenty of electrolytes.
The guys ended up bringing up Artie's trip to Iraq and how horrible that's going to be for him. Artie said that he may just end up in a puddle like Frosty the Snowman if he doesn't have some air conditioning over there.
Steve said that Artie almost missed his show in Chicago over the weekend. Artie said that it was a nightmare. He said that his agent told him that he had a couple of gigs for him this weekend and he sent him to Chicago and then back to Baltimore.
Artie said that they landed in Indianapolis and asked the Stewardess to please ask if they were going to be able to fly or not. He said that he had never missed a gig in his life and this would have been the first time. He said that he made it there just in time to do the show.
Artie said that he had to travel an hour and 45 minutes from the airport to get to the gig. He said that he had to shower before the gig. He ended up wearing his socks into the shower because he was skeeved out by it. He said that he heard that Anne Murray was in the same shower just a week before. He thought that was pretty funny.
Steve said that they have a story about Jeff the Drunk demanding $750 to make an appearance at his bar and the bar owner turning it down.
Steve had another story about Jim Florentine shooting a pilot for VH-1 with is buddy Don Jamieson. That led to Howard talking about a prank that was pulled on Chris Rock down in South Africa. They ended up pulling this joke on him that caused some controversy in the courts down there. Robin said that someone should go to jail for doing something like that to Chris.
Steve got in some plugs for the shows that are airing on Howard 101 today. The Miserable Men guys are going to be filling in for Scott Ferrall tonight. Chuck Zito and Greg Fitzsimmons both have their shows on tonight as well.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the many things they were going to try to cover today.
Ivy said that her lawyer told her to go to the police herself but this other lawyer went with her instead. She said that they were very nice to her but she was taken to jail and there was one woman who kept pissing on herself and she made sure to reinstate her medical insurance before she went. She said that the woman pissing on herself had AIDS. She said that other people were going to end up laying on that piss and stuff.
Howard asked Ivy what she's charged with. Ivy said that she didn't even know. She said that she has two cases coming up this Wednesday.
Howard cut Ivy off and said that he had to get to Robin's news. Ivy thanked him for getting this lawyer for her because it probably saved her life. Howard said that Ivy is in a bit of a situation and hopefully they'll know where it's at.
Ralph called in and said he loves Ivy but she's always getting into trouble and maybe jail would do her good. He said that she's a trouble maker and she's always up to something. Ivy said that she's not a criminal and jail is for criminals. Ivy said that she doesn't hurt people. Howard thanked Ivy and Ivy thanked him for helping her. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that they have a new series starting up called ''Wack Pack Bowling.'' That will start shooting soon. Howard said that they'll have a bunch of Wack Packers in that. They'll also have the Wack Pack at the Christy's.
Artie was saying that a friend of his wants to get into the Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric ''Crap-a-thon'' special. Howard said that the challenge has been laid down but they don't have it set up yet. Artie said that this guy claims that he clogs his toilet up a few times a week and has had to go outside and shit because of that. Howard said that they may have to give that guy a development deal.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. She started out with a story about a possible actor's strike starting soon.
Gary told Howard that the number one most searched name on Google this morning so far has been Chuck Zito. Howard said that if the merger happens this show is going to be even more powerful. He said that they're already doing that with Google and they're only going to get more popular.
Artie mentioned that he has been texting with Jillian Grace lately. He said that she's apparently worried about his health and stuff so she's been e-mailing about that. He said that he hasn't heard anything about her baby or anything lately. Artie said that she's the one who has been telling him that he might have thyroid problems. Howard told Artie that he's out of his mind and he shouldn't be paying attention to a Playboy Playmate.
Howard told Artie to ask Jillian if she's had her baby yet. He told him to tell her that Howard is worried about her and her baby and he's curious to know if she's had it yet. Artie said that he'd do that and let him know what she says.
Artie was working on the text and said that he doesn't know how to type. Howard told him he should take a class. Artie said that he was taking typing in school but his father told him that if he failed out of it, it wouldn't be a big deal because ''that's for broads.'' Howard said he had to take a break a short time later, around 10:05am.
After the break Howard read an article that Jeff Jarvis wrote about those ''white spaces'' that he was talking about earlier. He said that Jarvis was talking about how Google is trying to get that white space turned into public data transmission space but other companies are trying to block it. Howard said that he thinks that it sounds really cool to him. He said that he loves the internet now because he can get in his car and drive around and get on the internet. Robin said that the internet is so widespread right now that you can drive around and get on people's internet. Howard said that people are supposed to put up a firewall so people can't do that.
Robin got back to her news and talked about a video that was on the web showing a 78 year old man who was struck down by a hit and run driver. Howard said he saw that video. They spent a minute talking about how no one was helping the guy as he laid in the street dying.
Robin read through some more stories and then Howard read some e-mail. Howard had some feedback about Mary McCormack's appearance last week. One guy was talking about how hot she was and how great the interview went. The guy mentioned Artie's ''Ham Hands Bill'' impression so Artie talked about how the people in Baltimore were asking him to do that impression for him the other night. Howard also had Fred replay the ''Bill and Gina'' porn clip that they played during Mary's interview.
Robin got back to her news and read stories about the average American not being able to own a home and live the American dream and the average prices of gasoline hitting $4 a gallon.
Artie said he got a response from Jillian Grace but he wanted Howard to read it and decide if he wanted to talk about it. Howard read the text but it was vague and he didn't want to say anything about it. They dropped the subject a short time later.
Robin read more about the gas prices and had some clips where people were talking about fuel prices going up as high as $5 a gallon before the end of summer. She also had a clip of President Bush talking about how the Pentagon is close to running out of money. They had some audio of Hillary Clinton announcing that she's dropping out of the race and putting her support behind Barack Obama. Robin had some news about Jim McKay dying. She had some audio of Jim doing his thing on ABC's Wide World Of Sports.
Robin read a story about a young boy who drowned in his bed after going swimming in something called ''dry drowning.'' She gave the details of what happens there and what parents should look for.
Robin read some news about the ''Kung Fu Panda'' movie and how that did at the box office this weekend. The guys talked about that for a short time. She also talked about the new Adam Sandler movie and played some clips of the stars of the movie talking about that. They ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
Gary said that he's tried to avoid that stuff lately because he's so grossed out by it. He just lets the other guys handle that now.
Jon played a clip of Will the Farter doing his thing and gurgling out some of those nasty paint farts. That led to the guys talking about what it looked like while it was going on. Will was saying that it was like a geyser when he'd fart it out.
Gary said that Will has to talk to the guests like that so he wondered what kind of conversation he has. Will said that they know each other pretty well and they get right into that stuff. He said he'll just ask about the selling of his underwear and stuff like that.
Jon asked if the painting was up to the standards of a Jackson Pollock. Will said that the paint he uses doesn't stick very well so it's not very strong. He said that at first it looked like a sunset until he blasted the purple on and it looked like diarrhea.
Gary said that the farts still make him laugh and that will never get old to him. They spent a minute on that and then took some phone calls.
One caller said that they should try to get Will to blow some bubbles with his ass. Gary said that he thinks that might be too visual. He said that today you could hear him painting and it made you think about what he was doing.
A caller asked if Will the Farter is in the Wack Pack. The guys said that he's close to being in it but they weren't sure. The caller said that he was profiled as a Wack Packer on one of their specials so maybe he is. Will was saying that he thinks that Will the Farter might be slightly retarded.
Another caller told the guys that he almost crashed his car because he was laughing so hard at the segment. will said he thinks that must be what one of Robin's enema's must sound like. Gary said that he'd like to get one of those sessions recorded so they could hear.
Gary and the guys talked about some of the other farters they've had on the show like Dan the Farter. Dan ended up shitting on the floor two different times so Gary said that he can't even look at him anymore.
A caller said that he was listening as he was getting ready for work and he heard that gurgling and it was absolutely disgusting. He said he was going to throw up but he was laughing hysterically at it. Will said that it was really horrible smelling in there this morning.
Shuli came in with some audio of Richard Christy laughing his ass off at the farting in his office. Richard was going nuts laughing his ass off in his studio. Gary said that Richard's laugh sounds like De Niro in ''Cape Fear.''
A caller claims that he had to change the channel because the sounds were so disgusting. Gary said that it was very vivid for radio.
That led to the guys asking Benjy how he cut his lip this morning. Benjy said that he cut his lip when he felt some fuzz on the bottom of his lip. He said that it bled for hours and hours. He said that it got cut at about 4 this morning and it was still bleeding at 6 when he got there. Benjy said he thought he was fine until he was on his way to work. Then it started to bleed again. Benjy had Vaseline on his lip at that point so the guys talked about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who reminded Gary that Arthur Fartowski was the name he was looking for earlier when he was talking about one of the farters they had on years ago.
Another caller told Benjy that certain medications could cause that bleeding problem that Benjy had. Benjy said that he's not on anything though.
Benjy talked about Artie's texts with Jillian Grace. They went over how that all got started. Jon took another call from a guy who asked Will what smells worse, Gary's breath or Will the Farter's farts. Will said that Will the Farter's farts are probably worse. He said that Buck Angel squirting on the Sybian was one of the worst smells he's ever had in the studio.
A caller told the guys that today's show was the best show he's heard in a long time. He said that he was laughing and almost puking as that was going on. He also asked where Wendy the Retard has been. Gary said that's a good question because he knows that she's been calling Jason lately after the show. She might be sleeping during Howard's show.
Another caller brought up Will the Farter and said that's some funny shit when Howard is gagging and laughing while Will is farting. Gary said that he finds it funny that someone with a talent like that can't turn that into money. Will said that Will the Farter is making money. He farts on video and does that stuff for gay guys.
Benjy wondered if he could make money doing stuff for gay guys like Will the Farter is doing. Gary said that Shuli was going around asking the guys if they'd let guys jerk off for money while looking at their ass. Benjy said that he'd probably do it because who gives a fuck. Gary was asking Benjy about doing a bunch of stuff for gay guys and Benjy joked that he thought Gary was asking him as if he really wanted him to do it.
A caller brought up Howard's condom wearing and said that he thinks that it's him being germ phobic that makes him do it. Gary doesn't think that's the case. He said that if Howard is germ phobic with his fiancee then he's got serious problems.
Jon took some more calls from some guys who were talking about he condom thing. There were more people who were thinking that it is a germ phobic thing.
Benjy said that he gave Gary some condoms that he finds to be the most comfortable. Gary said that he's not sure he can trust them. Benjy said that they're polyurethane condoms and they're so much more comfortable than latex. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said he liked the story he told about punching the guy out when he hit on one of the Penthouse pets he was with.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he went out to meet Chuck at Scores one night and hung out with him and he was a really nice guy. Gary said that he really is a nice guy. That made some of the guys in the studio laugh but Gary said that he really thinks he is a nice guy.
Will said that he tries to phrase things that won't upset Mr. Zito when he asks him questions. Benjy said that he was worried when he just told that story that he said it wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Chuck is a flaming faggot. He said that he'd say it to Chuck's face too. He said he won't be a little bitch and back down like Benjy did a couple of months ago. Gary told the guy that they had his phone number on caller ID and they could give it to Chuck. The caller didn't care and said that he has no problem saying that right to his face.
Another caller said that last week Sal was talking about bouncing a check because Artie hadn't paid him on time and Artie is the one who has complained about not getting paid right away at shows. Teddy said that Artie has a new program where his corporation has to pay out the comedian's and it takes a little time. The guys talked about the time Artie got pissed off at Dice and how he was expecting money that night he did the show with Dice. Jon said that they'll have to ask Artie and Sal when they're there sometime.
Jon took another call from a guy who was saying that he thinks that the show has been great over the years and it's to the point when it's almost perfect, except when Ralph calls in. Gary and Will said they don't agree with that at all.
The guys talked about Ivy Supersonic's call and how rough Ralph was on her. Benjy said that he thinks that Ivy might do okay in jail but he doesn't want her to go. Gary said that he doesn't have that much compassion for Ivy anymore. He said that she seems to have slipped out of reality and she might not be in her right mind. He said that she's really all over the place and she can't even complete a sentence.
Benjy said that Ivy didn't explain how both of her cases are going to trial on Wednesday. She's got one about putting some stuff on someone's door. She's got some financial stuff going with that case as well. Gary said he thought that there was some feces on that door too but Benjy didn't know about that. Benjy said that Ivy doesn't mess with people unless she thinks that they've wronged her.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to talk to the caller who was bad mouthing him. The two of them talked about Ivy a little bit. Ralph said that Ivy is kind of nuts and going to jail might do her some good. He said that it might not be such a bad idea because it might calm her down. Benjy said that he can see that helping her out in some strange way but he doesn't wish that she'd go.
Ralph was also talking about how Ivy is always asking for money and that's not cool either. Will said that she was never part of the show until she needed all of this stuff.
Shuli was saying that going to jail is kind of harsh for someone and maybe suggesting that she get into the Military would be better for her to get her structure from.
The caller said that he thinks that they're flooding the market with Chuck Zito and he's just not buying it. He said that Chuck is on the show a little too much for him. Chuck said that he hasn't been on for at least 2 months. Will said that it's at least that long and he had some new stories to tell this morning. Gary said that they wanted Chuck on as a guest today. It wasn't like they were forced to take him in.
Shuli told a story about Chuck spotting a guy who had called him a pussy in the crowd at an event he was at. Chuck managed to find the guy and asked him to say it to his face but the guy pretended that it wasn't him and backed down.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that chuck isn't all that scary and the guys there acting all scared isn't cool. He said that there are plenty of other guys out there who are just as big and intimidating as Chuck is. The caller said that he respects guys who are out with women and he'd never challenge Chuck out at a bar or anything. He said that there's no reason to walk around acting like a tough guy. Chuck said that he doesn't do that, he just treats people the way he wants to be treated.
Gary said that he doesn't get this code of man that Chuck and other guys live by. He talked about the time that AJ Benza had to take a beating from Chuck for something he wrote about him. He said that he didn't know that he had to live by that code.
Another caller said that he was an up and coming MMA fighter and wanted to know if Chuck wanted to spar with him. Chuck said he's trying to get down to 205 pounds. Chuck said that he's got a lot of guys who he spars with but he might do something with this guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Chuck if he thinks that he's an A, B or C celebrity. Chuck said that he's not sure but he knows that he's not an A-lister.
Another caller asked where this fear of Chuck came from. He asked if Howard plays it up a little bit or if it's something that he's really afraid of. The caller asked Chuck how old he is. Chuck said that he's actually 55 now. The caller said that he'd love to see Chuck fight and wants to see him fight. Chuck said that he's working on it and it's getting closer to happening.
Ralph called in and told his favorite story about Chuck Zito. He said that he was out at Scores one night and some guy punched him at the bar. He went to the bathroom and Chuck was in there. Chuck walked out of the bathroom and everyone thought that it was Chuck who had beaten him up. Chuck said that he's never hit a drunk guy in his whole life. Benjy told Chuck that he's always drunk then.
Ralph said that Chuck has massive hands and even those are scary when you meet him. Jon let Ralph go after that and took some more calls.
One guy called in and said that Chuck reminds him of a pit bull that will only bite you if you piss him off. He was also saying that they have names for those guys who call in and go off on Chuck on the phone. He said that if they're on the CB radio. Benjy said that back in the 1800s they had a name for them and they were ''Morse code Meanies.''
Another caller brought up Tito Ortiz again and that led to Chuck talking about how he and Tito are friends. The guys asked him if he's ever been beaten. Chuck said that he has but he's been in a lot of fights.
Will said that he wanted to know how long it would take him to beat the crap out of everyone in the room. Chuck said that he doesn't put anyone down so he's not going to say. Chuck said that it only takes one punch to change a fight.
Benjy asked Chuck how many women he's been with. Chuck said he doesn't keep count. He said that he could count on one hand how many he had been with... this week.
Jon took some more calls and let some callers ask Chuck a couple more questions. One guy talked about Chuck's run in with Henry Hill out in Vegas that time. The caller said that he had just walked in when that went down and saw Chuck threatening Henry after Henry called him some names.
Jon had to end the show a short time later. The guys got in their plugs before they ended the show. They all got in their plugs but also threw in some plugs for ChuckZito.com.
Howard started off the show saying that he didn't know where to begin this morning because he had so many things to talk about. He said he was going to start with a story about Richard and Sal who were obsessed with the Will the Farter sound clips from when he was farting.
Robin came in so Howard asked to hear her voice. Robin sounded sick but she insists that she's not sick. She said she knows that there's something going on but she doesn't feel sick at all. Robin said that she was drinking hot water this morning to clear up her voice. Howard said he was glad she was there at least. Artie would have called in sick. Artie told Robin that he's going to write her up a diet.
Howard said that Sal and Richard became obsessed with those fart sounds that Will the Farter was making yesterday. They took the clips and made some phony phone calls. They came up with an idea to do a Jack and Rod show bit with an author of a book about Chinese medicine. They used the clips as if they were someone speaking through a cancer kazoo. They had the clips speaking to the author and she was telling ''Smokey Martling'' that he should really stop smoking. They kept the author on talking to the farting clips and she really seemed to think that it was someone speaking to her. They even had him giving her his phone number with a certain number of fart sounds.
Robin said that was amazing. Artie said that they have created their masterpiece with that bit. Howard said that the woman actually got the number right and that was Smokey Martling's phone number.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was almost driving off the road from laughing so much at that bit.
The caller wanted to do a Fred bit since Father's day is coming up. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to do that but he went through with it anyway. They played the Fred theme song and then spoke to Fred.
Fred said that there was an HBO special about Roman Polansky that was really good and people should watch it. Artie said he saw that and it really pissed him off. Fred said that guy should have gone away for life about what he did. He said that there's some kind of weird thing where they said that he can come back to the United States and testifies but he has to do it televised. Howard heard that wasn't correct and it was false information that they gave out.
Fred said that the documentarian was trying to make people feel bad for the guy but it didn't work. He said that was his Father's day segment and told people to keep their kids away from Roman Polansky.
Fred said that Hollywood will excuse really bad behavior. He talked about some other stuff that went on in Hollywood and how people get paid off to keep stars out of trouble.
Artie said that he saw pictures of this girl who Roman raped and he had never seen them before. He said that they showed the pictures of the girl that they took that day and she looked like a 13 year old. He said that some girls look older but not that one that Roman was with.
The guys talked about the documentary and what went on in that. Fred said that it was almost like the guy was trying to reenact ''Rosemary's Baby'' with what he did to that young girl. Howard stopped Fred and said that his segment was over. He said that he wasn't even going to go there with him but he did anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's so glad they went into the world of Fred. Fred asked him if he was being sarcastic. The caller said that it may have been a little too early to do that.
The caller asked about the merger and had Howard talking about the satellite merger and why he thinks that it's not a monopoly. Howard said that it's a music delivery system and there are so many out there like iPods, the internet, MP3s, satellite radio, regular radio, CDs and more.
The caller said that it's the only way to get Howard Stern though. Fred said that's like saying that you can only get American Idol on FOX so that's a monopoly. Robin asked what that guy does for a living but Howard said that she really has to gargle to clear up that throat.
Howard played a clip of Bob talking about being turned down coming on the show. He was going off on Gary for turning him down. Bob said that Artie was on his side in this whole thing. He said that he's been loyal to the show for years and he gets treated like crap. He said that it was a smack in the face for turning him down to come on for 15 minutes to promote a gig.
Howard said that the show isn't about who the guest is and ''how dare you'' for going off on them like that. He said that they gave Bob his own show there. He said that Sal and Richard always talk about the plugs that they give Bob on the show. He said that Gary is really offended by what Gary was saying.
Howard said that they might have to take Bob off of the Roast stuff. Gary said that they let Bob plug gigs on the show when he's not even there. Howard said that they'll have to stop doing that if it's upsetting the guy. He said that he's never heard a guy go so nuts about something like that.
Artie said that a plug during the show is a big deal for Bob even though he has his own show. Howard said that Bob is being a bit piggish about this and he's not being fair.
Howard said that Bob wasn't so loyal to this show because he was on the Kidd Chris show almost every day. He said that he doesn't go off on him for doing that. He thinks that he's been very loyal to Bob. Howard said that he would talk to Bob on the air but not off the air about this. Gary said that he sent Bob an e-mail about this since he knew that he was going to get yelled at.
Howard played another clip where Shuli seemed to be trying to calm Bob down and talk some sense to him but Bob was yelling about the whole thing and going off on everyone there. He said that he treats everyone in the back great.
Artie said that those guys all need each other and maybe it's a crazy time for everyone. Howard said that Bob was really getting mad at Gary though. He played more of Bob going off on Gary. Howard said that they really do give Bob a lot and he's getting upset about this even though he's got his own show there.
Howard said that they can't have a comedian on who is going to bad mouth them if they don't let him on the show. Howard would play a little bit of Bob's rant and then talk about how much they've done for him. They've allowed Bob access to stuff that other comedians don't get.
Howard said that they like Bob but they don't ask him to do anything for them. They give him plugs for stuff and his own show. They give him a daily plug for his show and he's not even sure why. Howard said that they may have to take everything away from him if this is the way he's going to act. He said that if he's feeling nice he may give him something back in a year or so.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he warned Bob not to do that rant last night. He said that people are going to misinterpret that kind of stuff. Howard said that Bob was being a little bit outrageous. Al Rosenberg got in on it and said that he was behind Bob on all of that. He said that Bob is a home run whenever he's on the show.
Howard played more of Bob going off on them for not having him on for a 15 minute segment. He said he was saving stuff for the show.
Artie said he told Bob that he should just go out and do other shows, Howard wouldn't have anything against that. Gary said that Bob is helping himself when he's helping out the guys on the show. Gary said that he's not just helping the guys on the show.
Howard played more of Bob's rant where he goofed on them for putting on a guy who keeps a napkin in his ass. Bob went off on Gary saying ''Fuck you Gary!'' Howard cut the clip off and said that was making him fucking crazy. He said that saying ''fuck Gary'' is like saying ''fuck Howard.'' Robin said that he should really talk to Bob. Howard said that Bob will probably call in 7 hours from now.
Howard said that he was going to take everything away from Bob if that's going to be his attitude. Artie said he's got to rethink that. Howard said that Bob is out of line and he's going to have to take it all away. IF the guy is going to say that to Gary then he's going to have to take it away.
Howard said that Bob has had a lot of stuff bestowed upon him because they really like him. He said that Artie seems to be playing the middle here too and he's got to pick a side. Artie said that Bob is really loyal and won't do other morning shows.
Howard took some phone calls from some guys who went off on Bob for doing what he did. One guy told him to take everything away from him because he does go on other shows. He said that he's been on some shows up in Albany that he's heard.
Howard said that Bob was a little out of line with that rant about Gary. Artie said that Bob wasn't doing that when he was on the phone with him. Artie said that he told Bob that there's a lack of communication there and he should have talked to Gary about what was going on.
Gary said that this is the biggest, dumbest thing to do because he's not calling him back this morning. He said that Bob is asleep right now after dropping that big bomb last night. He said that he should be up to talk about this.
Howard said that he thinks that Bob was a little unfair to do what he did. He said that when you give a kid everything, they don't appreciate anything. He said he likes Bob and thinks he's funny but he's not going to have Gary being called names like Bob was doing.
Artie asked if they could give anything back to Bob if he did call in. Howard said that he's not sure if he can and talked about how he doesn't get why Bob would do that to them. He said that they roll out the red carpet for Bob. He said that Jackie used to have to negotiate his contract to get those daily plugs that Bob gets.
Howard said that if Bob calls in 2 hours from now he may just tell him he's busy with other stuff. He said that the guy just isn't gracious. He said that he'd like to help Bob out but he can't if that's the way he's going to act. He thinks Bob is a little bit out of line.
Howard said that was about it for the tirade that Bob had. He took a call from a guy who said that Bob is going to have to come on and cry about this. Howard said that he's going to have to kiss Gary's feet or maybe bathe them and then kiss them. The caller said he should have to get a rusty trombone too.
Artie said that he hates to see people self destruct like that. He said he tried to help Cabbie out when he was doing that. Artie is 0-2 for helping people stop their self destruction.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that yesterday's show was awesome and he loves listening to it a couple of times a day. He said he loves when they just rip on stuff and laugh. Howard thanked him for the call and said that's why he doesn't overbook the show. He said that they have a rhythm with the show and they should accept that they have a way of doing things there.
Robin wondered how Bob approached coming on the show. Gary said that Bob said that he had some great stories to tell and he wanted to come on to do a quick appearance.
Artie said that they're taking a break from the Roasts for now and maybe that's why Bob is getting upset. Howard said that they do let Bob get in plugs for a lot of stuff on the show and he's not sure why someone would freak out like that.
Howard said that they have to take away the show from Bob and from the rest of the guys on the show as well. Howard said that they may have to give that hour to Ass Napkin Ed just to make it even worse.
Gary said that Doug is working on a Killers of Comedy Show. Howard told him to cancel it.
Bob called in so Howard put him on the line. He told Bob that he was out of line and that saying ''fuck Gary'' was like saying ''fuck Howard.'' He went on to tell Bob that they don't give plugs to anyone else, only to him because they like him.
Howard asked Bob when they ever stopped him from doing any other shows. He told Bob that the tirade was way out of line and he was pissing on all of the stuff they were doing for him. Howard said that they always give him his plugs and they don't just do that for anyone. He said that Mel Karmazin wouldn't like that they give the plugs for free.
Bob said he didn't think it was that big of a deal to get in that week he wanted to promote. Howard said that everything is a big deal to them because it's their show. He said that maybe Sal and Richard could mention the date or something. He said that they do have a balance there on the show and he's not sure he should do anything for Bob after that tirade.
Bob said that he wasn't saying ''fuck Howard'' when he was going off on Gary. He said that he was pissed off that he couldn't get in there. Howard told Bob that he gave him an hour (two hour) show and he can go on there and be funny and get people to come out and listen.
Bob said that he vented in that 10 minute rant and got it off his chest. Howard said that he thought that all of this stuff that they do for Bob was good for him and he didn't know that he would freak out like he did. Howard told Bob that he can go on any morning show he wants, he knows he has to make a living.
Howard said that he's been a friend to Bob and he's got a lot of shit on his mind. He said that he reminds him of a spoiled kid and he doesn't appreciate what they do for him. Bob said that he does though. Artie said that Bob does appreciate it. Howard said that he was out of line.
Howard said that they gave him that Miserable Men show and he can go on and be funny on there and get some plugs there. He said that he doesn't give that kind of access to anyone else. Bob is the only one who gets that kind of stuff. Robin said that Jim Florentine doesn't even get that. Howard said that Jim does get to fuck Robin though.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that Howard was being a little harsh on Bob. He said that he shouldn't have said ''fuck Gary.'' Artie said that Bob didn't mean that though. He was mad and said stuff that he didn't really mean.
Howard asked Bob why he doesn't go off on Jay Leno and David Letterman for not having him on. He asked him why he didn't go off on them. He said that Bob was trying to be loyal to the show. Bob said that he does a dirty act so he can't go on those shows. Bob said that he's really not a bad guy. Howard said that he's not being very nice to him.
Johnny Fratto said that Bob is a nice guy and he sees that. He told Howard that they flew Eric up to do some stuff and gave him a good time. Then Eric went home and wrote out a bill for stuff that he needed some money for. He said that Eric was asking for about $3,300 but after he did the math with Eric, Eric ended up owing him $200.
Artie said that he was going to take the hit for what Bob did last night because he told Bob to say what he wanted on that show last night. Howard said that he shouldn't take that hit because Bob was the one doing that whole rant. Artie said that he should have given Bob better advice than he did.
Howard said that he's going to give Bob the best lesson in his career and take all of this stuff away from him. Howard said that he wonders how much coke Bob was on. Bob said that he's off of the stuff now.
Howard asked Bob who else in show business is nice to him. He figured that he was the only one who gives him a daily plug on his show. Bob said that was a deal he made when they started doing the roasts. Howard said that the deal is over now that the roasts are gone. He said he's going to take away those plugs. Gary said that it wasn't a deal because he just said he was going to help him out back then.
Gary said that they've basically paid Bob 20 times over for doing those plugs. Howard said that they could do those roasts without Bob. Howard also asked what the story was that Bob was saving for them. Bob said he didn't want to tell it now.
Howard asked Bob for the story but Johnny asked if he could apologize and get over this because it's just his first offense. Gary said that this was actually Bob's second offense. Howard asked Johnny what his father would have done if someone went off on him. Johnny said that his father would have held his head under water. He said that one guy actually did that and they found him all shot up. The guy's name just happened to be Al Rosenberg.
Howard said that he was willing to forget this but he had to have Bob do something. Howard said that he was going to book bob on the show tomorrow for 15 minutes. In that 15 minutes he had to come in there and bathe Gary's feet in a tub of water and then say he's sorry. Bob said that he wouldn't do that. Howard said that shows he's a man and it's a good thing he turned it down.
Howard said that he's a little bit hurt. Bob said that he knows he's out of line. Bob said that he knows that he was warned not to do it. Howard said that this shows what a sap he is. He said that he's giving too much to Bob.
Sal came in and said that Bob is really infatuated and committed to the show. He said that Bob pays them to work together as a team. Howard said that Bob isn't helping them, they're helping Bob when they go on those shows with him. Sal said that the issue with Bob is this. He said that when you get hurt you say things out of jest.
Howard said that he feels like these guys are shitting on him. Sal said that Bob is always talking about the show in a positive way. Howard said that he wasn't doing that on the air last night.
Howard asked Johnny what he thinks he should do. Johnny said that Bob does have to apologize to Gary in the right way. He said that everyone there likes him and he does seem like a good guy. Johnny tried to help Bob out and told him that he really has to apologize for what he did. Bob said that he was sorry for upsetting Gary if he did that. He didn't mean to upset him. Bob said that he was sorry for what he said then. Bob said that he was tired and he didn't know what he was saying. Bob said that he had to drive home after doing that show last night and didn't get home until 3 or so. He said he was exhausted.
Johnny told Bob to tell Gary that he was really sorry. Bob tried again and said that he was sorry for upsetting him. Bob said that they know how he feels about them over there. He said that he just lost his mind last night. Howard and Johnny said that this still wasn't an apology. Johnny tried to help and was about to tell Bob how to apologize in the right way. Johnny said that he should be saying ''Gary, I'm so sorry about using those words on you, I didn't mean any of them... I was just upset and maybe it was the pills talking.''
Eric the Midget called in and wanted to defend himself against Johnny's accusations. Eric said that he had no idea if Johnny was trying to help him or not. Johnny said that he was telling everyone about the bill that Eric sent to him.
Eric said that he didn't know that he was going to have to pay for airline tickets and a hotel room. Johnny said that he didn't make Eric do that. Eric said that his friend made him pay for them. Johnny said that he never told Eric about airline tickets and Eric went around him on that. Johnny said that he sent Eric $800 to fix his car and he sued that money for airline tickets instead. Then they rented a car.
Eric said that the money was supposed to cover the rental car. He said that they would have been late if they had rented the car so they flew in instead.
Howard asked Eric why he would do that if Johnny was going to have him up there. Eric said that he was up there to do some promotion for the JFSC. Johnny said that Eric didn't have any JFSC stuff on. Bob asked if this was his punishment. Howard said he liked that Bob was getting bumped for a midget.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Howard lets Bob off the hook then it's going to show that he's a sap. Another guy said that this is a funeral for his career today. Another guy said that Bob is a leach and he's not funny. There were some other negative calls as well from people who thought that Bob went too far with those comments. One guy said that Bob fucked up and he has to come in and kiss some rings.
Gay Ramone called in and said that Bob should have to lick blue cheese dressing out of his ass to get back on the show. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and went off on Artie about something but Artie wasn't sure what she was listening to.
Another caller asked bob where he gets the balls to say ''fuck you'' to anyone. He told Bob that he's a nobody. The guy said that he had a guy say that to him in his own house and he slapped the guy around. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Bob has to stand up and be a man. If not there are plenty of jobs in McDonald's and Burger King. Bob said he knows because Dominic is in them all the time.
Howard said that Bob has to say something so they can save face and have a relationship with them. Johnny said that they need Bob to be part of the show.
Gary said that Bob really needs to apologize for the fuck you thing. Bob said that's just the way he talks. Howard said that the listeners don't know that. Gary said that if they were doing this off the air Bob would be a totally different person.
Gary said that he knew that Bob was going to yell at him if he had called him. Howard told him that he can't have a relationship with him if he's going to get mad when they tell him ''no.'' Bob said that he was sorry for saying that stuff when he was pissed off. Bob said that he's over it now. He told Howard to send him to nowhere land if he gets mad at him again.
Gary said that Bob wasn't being sincere. He asked Bob if he thought he was wrong last night. Bob said that he was but he was angry. Gary said that he keeps saying ''but'' and excusing what he did by using that. Howard said that Bob has never thanked him. Bob said that he thanks Howard on every show. He said that he thanks him every night for the show that they do. Howard didn't think that was the case.
Bob said that he was sorry and he gets like an idiot sometimes. He said that he realizes that he was wrong. He said that he went at Gary without thinking and he just wanted to attack. Bob said that he's never done that before. Johnny said that Gary hates him but he's never done that to him.
Johnny told Howard that it's true that his girl is pregnant again and he's going to have another kid. They spent a few seconds talking to him about that.
Howard had to break but he said he was going to let things stand as they are. He's not going to take anything away from Bob. Artie said that he would rather get punished than let Bob take it all. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Beth brought home a taste of his wedding cake and it was so good. He said he ate the whole thing. He said that Artie will love the cake, it's right up his alley. He said he was going to send some over to him because he did have some left over. Artie said he would have liked that.
Artie said that he loves getting together with Howard when he has parties and stuff. Howard said that they do have a good time and he should have had Robin handle the wedding plans for them.
Howard talked about the lame party that K-Rock threw for him when he was leaving. He said that he made them tons of money and they didn't do anything for him to thank him for the 20 years of service that he put in there.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She asked who is making the cake for his wedding but Howard said he didn't want to say. Lisa got into her news preview and said that Artie got his shots for the trip he's taking to the Middle East soon. That led to the guys checking out some pictures of the doctor that gave him his shots and she was smoking hot according to the guys.
Lisa said they have a story about Gary's ''Man Cave'' that he had done for the DIY network. She was there for the presentation. She said that one of the guys from the NY Jets was there. They kept him at Gary's neighbor's house for like 6 hours while he waited for them to finish the work in his basement.
Howard said that in exchange for the room make over the guys take over the house to shoot for four days. Gary said that the crew and the hosts were great but there were some people who stopped by were kind of annoying. He said that one guy was asking him questions about Artie and stuff like that. Gary said that they'll be at Artie's house this coming weekend.
Artie said that they're going to be working on his top room at his new house to be a game room. He said that they're going to have a pool table, a poker table, a ping pong table, a wet bar and a bunch of other stuff. He said that it's going to be really nice.
Gary said that he has a TV that has a live sports ticker. He said that it's amazing. Howard said that it sounds like it was worth the hassle to get all of that stuff. Artie said that he wants to have everyone over to have a poker game. He said that the house should be done in Mid July.
Howard said that Gary and Artie are going to have Man Caves and Benjy is still living in a real cave. He said that maybe Benjy should get some kind of Man Cave going.
Bobo called in and said that he heard Bob last night and he wanted to talk about what he was saying. Howard cut him off and said that they're not going to take anything away from bob. They don't want him jumping out a window or anything. He said that they'll take Bob's word that he didn't mean what he was saying.
A caller said that he saw an ad in the paper where they promote one of Bob's shows as ''The Howard Stern Presents...'' Artie said that Bob knows better than that. The caller said that he'd send in the ad.
Lisa G said that she has a story about George Takei and his upcoming wedding to Brad. Howard said that he saw that Lisa was wearing sandals and he didn't like them. He said that he likes them if they have heels on them. Lisa said that her feet have been killing her in this heat. Artie gave her a ''Wahhh!'' She said that she doesn't have a car service to drive her home like Artie does.
Howard brought up a story about this beautiful girl Anne Hathaway who is with some douche bag guy who makes her cry when they're out and stuff and it's really sad. He said that she's so hot and she could have just about anyone she wants.
Howard said he had a few things to play. He said he had this one heavy metal band where the singer sounds like a pig when he sings. He said that he might be an old man but there's no way that this music is current music. He played a clip of this one song where the guy is singing like a pig. There was another song where the guy squeals like a pig. Howard played that one as well. The band was Gutted with Broken Glass. Howard said that he's going to say that's not even music though. He and Robin got some laughs out of the songs.
Richard said that stuff was a little bit much even for him. He said that he likes metal but that was too much.
Cyrus called in and said that he saw a preview of the Hulk last night. He said that the movie wasn't as good as Iron Man but it was about 20 times better than the original Hulk movie. Howard said that he was trying to get a screening of the movie and had Tracy calling to get him a DVD. He said that he will not copy the movie but the movie company won't give it to him. He said that they offered to send a projectionist to his home to play the movie for him but they refused to send a DVD.
Howard said that he doesn't have a place to have a projectionist in his home. Artie said that he does have a big screen in his apartment though. Howard said that he was going to ask them to have the actors come out and act it out for him. He said that they did offer to let him have a screening today so he may do that.
Howard said that he had to take a break but he had to play the new Jack and Rod bit that he played earlier. He set it up by talking about Will the Farter's appearance where he was painting with his farts and making some gurgling sounds with his asshole. Sal and Richard took those clips and created the Jack and Rod show bit with the author of a book. He played the Jack and Rod bit and laughed once again.
Howard said that they're thinking that bit might be their masterpiece. He said that they may have to play all of their bits and make a decision from there. He took a call from a guy who said that his kids were laughing at that. Artie said that kids would love that. then he realized that he was loving it and Howard said that he's 54 years old and even he loved it.
Howard talked to Robin about her illness and Artie joked that he saw her eating a cheeseburger in the green room. He was kidding but that led to Howard and Robin talking about how Oprah is on a 21 day detox, just like Robin did.
Artie talked about a Robert Smigel cartoon called ''StedMan'' where Oprah Winfrey's man Stedman was always taking her money and his power was that he was able to avoid sleeping with Oprah. He said that it was really funny but mean too.
Howard said he was reading about what bullshit the detoxing is. Robin said that might be detoxing but so is real medicine. They talked about that for a short time before they had to break.
Howard said that it sounds like in the Nirvana song Fred was playing it sounded like he was saying ''Anne Marie uhhhh.'' He sang along with it a little bit and then got back to the herpes story. He said that he's glad that he's not a young person now.
Howard said he had an album he was going to play and it was going to be a mystery record but no one would get it. He said that it was Scarlett Johansson's new album. That led to him talking about how she's engaged to the guy that Alanis Morissette was dating for a while. He said that Alanis is going to be in tomorrow so he'll talk to her about that.
Howard played a track off the new Scarlett album (Anywhere I Lay My Head) and said that she kind of has that Sinead O'Connor technique where she doubles up her voice. Howard said that she should squeal like a pig like that metal band earlier. He played another track and talked about how bad it sucked.
Howard said that the new M Night Shyamalan movie is getting promoted as if it's a big deal that it's R-rated. He said that they have to do that because the last two movies he did kind of sucked. He said that he wants a DVD of that movie too so he told Tracy to call that movie company and get one for him. He said that he's not going to pirate the movie or anything like that. He just wants to look like a hero to his kids.
Artie did his impression of Tracy yelling at Steve Grillo and did it as if she were yelling at the movie companies the same way. That led to Fred playing a clip of Tracy yelling at Grillo on the Intern Show after he screwed her and the interns over one night at the bar he works at.
The guys talked about how rough that was with Tracy and Grillo and how it took Grillo a full day to recover and respond to her after she went off on him. Fred played some more of the two of them yelling at each other and had Artie doing more of his impression.
The guys made up the conversation that Tracy might have with the movie company that's putting out M. Night's movie and how she could get them to send them a DVD. Howard said that he's never going to argue with Tracy after hearing that. He said that if she has that attitude toward the movie company, he's going to get a copy of that movie on DVD.
Artie said that his new assistant got an e-mail from Tracy and she was very sarcastic in the e-mail. She apparently said ''Welcome to the world of Artie Lange...'' in a really sarcastic way. Artie wondered if Tracy is from Philly or something because she says ''own'' like ''ouan.''
Howard read an e-mail about Bill Murray being a jerk. The guy claimed that he saw Bill out at some event and he was a complete dick to him.
Howard read one e-mail about the laughing bit they did with the caller yesterday. Howard said that he got one e-mail from someone who said that they should weigh Artie before he goes on his trip to Iraq. Artie said that he'd do that because he may lose a lot of weight. He said that he's going to try and lose a few before he goes and then he'll probably lose more when he's over there.
Howard said that someone was asking if they think Artie will gain or lose weight over in Iraq. Howard said that it would be amazing if he gained weight. Howard said that he can't wait to see how much he loses in Iraq. He can't imagine that he'd gain weight.
Ralph called in and said that they have to play Steve Grillo's rebuttal from the next day. He said that was great just like their argument. He did his impression of Grillo a little bit. That led to Artie doing his Tracy impression a little more too.
Howard said he'd play some of that in all fairness to Grillo. Artie said that it was in all fairness to Ralph. Howard played the clip where Grillo was talking about being ''extremely pissed'' and ''dumbfounded'' after hearing Tracy's rant. Grillo talked about the reasons he wasn't able to give them free booze that night in the bar and how they were asking for ''top shelf liquor'' that night.
After that they played a prank call that the guys made using the Steve Grillo clips. They had Grillo yelling at some woman on the phone who was named Tracy.
Howard and the guys were doing their Grillo impressions while Artie did his Tracy impression. They were all reenacting the arguments and making up new stuff.
Howard introduced Jayde and Juliette Frette as they were coming in. Howard said that they both looked great. Howard congratulated Jayde on her Playmate of the Year title. She said that she won $100,000 for that title. She also got a new Cadillac CTS which is one of her favorite cars. She said that she lives in Canada so she doesn't have to pay taxes on that.
Howard heard that Jayde was saying the name of a fruit the wrong way but when she said cantaloupe she said it right. Howard asked her to say ''I really want to do Artie.'' She didn't know who he was so she asked to see him. Artie said hello to her but she didn't know who he was.
Jayde said that she's 22 years old and she's been a model for a long time. She's 5'9'' tall and said that she doesn't think that this will hurt her career. She said that it can hurt it for some things but it can make things better for others. She said that she's already getting noticed for doing the Playboy thing.
Howard asked Jayde when she started to blossom and asked if her teachers ever hit on her. Jayde said she started to blossom when she was in grade 9 or so. She said that she never had a teacher come on to her but there were some that were nicer than others. Howard said that he heard a story from Beth about a principal who was coming to her house to make her feel better when she was suspended from school. Jayde said that she and the principal were buddies too. Howard said that when you're a good looking person it's almost as if you're a big star when you're in school.
Howard asked Jayde when she lost her virginity. She said that it was right before her 14th birthday. Jayde said that she had been dating this guy for a year and a half. She said that it didn't even really count because it was so bad. She said that they kind of knew that it was going to happen. She said that they planned it out. She said that they never did it again after that.
Howard asked Jayde about who else she's dated. She said she was going out with a guy for about 6 years and they just broke up. Howard said that he can't imagine dating someone like her in school. Jayde said that the guy cheated on her and she had to dump him. He asked her if she's bad in bed or something. Jayde said that she's not.
Howard asked Jayde if she'll kiss a man's penis and swallow his load. She said that she'll do anything for a man if she's in love with him. She said that she would swallow it and it's gross to spit it out. She said that ladies don't spit so that's why she won't do that.
Howard asked Jayde if she has a boyfriend now. She said that she doesn't talk about that. She said that she doesn't talk about that stuff. She said that she does go to the Playboy mansion to talk to the girls but she doesn't do the celebrities.
Jayde said that she doesn't like celebrities, she likes regular guys. She said that she's a rocker and named a few bands that Howard and Artie didn't recognize. She finally said Nirvana and Guns N Roses which were a couple that they recognized.
Howard asked Jayde what celebrities have hit on her. Gary asked if Pauly Shore ever hit on her. She didn't want to talk about that. She aid that she's not into guys who have slept with a ton of women. Howard said that he'd blow his load in 3 seconds if he was with Jayde. He said that she looks amazing in the pictures.
Howard asked the girls if their boobs were real. Both of them claimed that they were real. Howard moved on to Juliette and told her that her breasts were phenomenally big. Juliette said that they fluctuate and she tries to fit them into a D-cup.
Howard said that Juliette looks great and Artie was talking about how hot she is. They showed some of her pictures on the monitors in the studio. Howard asked Juliette how she got such a great ass. She said she's not sure because she's never been much of an athlete. Howard asked her if she's ever had a guy want to lick her ass. Jayde said she had one guy come up to her on a beach and ask to bite her ass. She said that guy followed her around for about an hour.
Howard asked the girls if they have a lot of guys coming on to her. Juliette said that she doesn't put that kind of attitude out there and she doesn't have a lot of guys coming on to her. Howard asked Artie what he would do to Juliette if he was with her. Artie said that he'd only need about 4 seconds of her time. He said that he probably wouldn't even make it to the door and he'd have to mail her his orgasm.
Howard asked Juliette about her claims of being a feminist. She said that she's kind of exploring why women think that Playboy is so wrong for women to do.
Howard asked the girls if they've ever been brought up to Hef's room to see what's going on there. Juliette said that they have been very respectful to her. She said that she has had some guys hit on her at the mansion but she's not looking for men there. She said that some guys have asked her out but she wasn't sure she wanted to disclose that information. She said that there are guys who are known for asking people out a lot. Artie started naming names like Tony Curtis, James Caan, Drew Carey, Pauly Shore and others. She said that it was Pauly.
Jayde said that she got a call from Pauly one morning when she was sleeping and it turned out that he was on some radio show and they didn't tell her.
Juliette said that she was never popular in school and she was kind of sarcastic and inquisitive. Howard asked the girls if they like anal. Juliette said that she'd ask the guy to stop demanding strange things from her if a guy asked her to do that. Howard asked Robin how old she was when she did that for the first time. She said she was about 27.
Artie said that they room was full of big breasts today. He said that the girls seemed to be pretty brainy too. Howard checked out the girl's outfits and told them they were beautiful. Howard asked what their plans were for meeting guys. Jayde said she's writing a book about health and fitness. She said that she got a lot of questions about how to look good so she started to put them all together in this book.
Howard told the girls they have to have a plan in their life. Juliette said that she's writing a book about appearing in Playboy from a feminists perspective. Howard said that he noticed that Juliette had some hair down there but he prefers that it's all shaved off. He said that he likes that bald down there.
Ralph called in and asked Jayde if she has a plan for her future for like 10 years from now when she's not hot anymore. Jayde said that she still thinks she'll be hot by then but she does have plans for doing stuff that don't depend on her looks at that point.
The girls talked about their books and stuff and said that they do have plans for their futures. Jayde said that she's writing her book while she's still looking good so people will check it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of shoes the girls had on. Jayde showed hers and Howard said that they both had sexy shoes on. The caller asked if they've ever jerked a guy off with their feet. They hadn't done that.
Howard asked Juliette if she would swallow her man's load. She said that if you're in love with someone then nothing about that person should gross you out. Howard asked the girls about rubbing the load into their skin or if they just wipe it off. They said it depends on the moment.
Howard said that he could see Jayde's panties. She wondered how so the Howard TV guys showed her how they got it. Jayde said that she didn't know that they could see it. She said that she was told not to wear them because they weren't sexy but she loved them so she wore them. They were Victoria's Secret polka dot panties.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some guys talk to them. One guy said that he beat off to the girl's pictures just last night. Howard said that's pretty high praise to get from a guy. Howard said that's what Playboy is all about. Jayde said that it creeps her out. Juliette said that it's natural and not a big deal. Jayde said that she just doesn't want to hear about it.
Howard asked the girls if they had a problem stripping for the cameras. Jayde said that it was very comfortable for her. Juliette said that she did some other stuff with Playboy when she was about 21 so she knew what to expect. Howard asked if the girls shake and get nervous when they go in. Juliette said that she's very comfortable with her body and she was ready to go. She said that she was kind of terrified of being caught on film naked for a while. She used to stop boyfriends from taking pictures of her naked because she thought that she might be in politics some day.
Howard told the girls that he had Rebecca Romijn naked in his apartment and he has pictures of her that are locked up and safe.
Juliette said that she hasn't given up her political aspirations and she still wants to go forward and try go to do that. She said that she did get kicked out of her sorority because of the Playboy thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these girls were really annoying and he had to get them out of the studio. He said that there's a reason that Playboy doesn't have audio of these girls.
Juliette got in a plug for her web site JulietteFrette.com before Artie asked them out. He asked the girls what they were doing and Jayde suggested they go out on a date. Artie said yes to that but they were probably just jerking him around. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Artie figured that Benjy was playing him and saw that he was vulnerable and screwed him over. Howard said that he saw something like that on the Bachelorette last night with a guy who thought that she was way into him and then she booted him off the show.
Artie said that he was talking to Juliette about California and they seemed to be getting along really well after the interview. Gary said that not all that many girls stop and talk to Artie but Juliette did so he can see why Artie would think that she was into him.
Howard said that he thinks that Gary should go back out and talk to her Juliette again and tell her that Artie was just kidding around and he had no interest in her at all. Gary said that they were gone. He really felt awkward out there asking her for her number.
Howard figured that she didn't know which one was Artie. Gary said that she definitely did. He also said that there's no way Artie would sit there and listen to that stuff she had to say. Artie said that he liked her a lot.
A caller asked Howard to get a blind Playboy girl in there for Artie. Artie said that the guy is probably some jerk off in a truck with mayonnaise coming out of his ears. They finished up the break a short time later.
Howard said that Jayde was ou