|Friday||Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about how he was still waking up early over vacation. He said he can't sleep past 6am. Robin said she fights to stay up late. Howard said he does that but he still can't wake up later than 6. Robin said she would get up around 8 or so after staying up until like 1 or 2 in the morning.
Howard said he was up until 1 in the morning dancing with Richie Notar. He said they were dancing alone too. He said that after 12:30 at night he turns gay.
Howard said that Tatum O'Neil was picked up for trying to buy crack cocaine over the vacation. The article that Howard read said that she claimed she was doing research for a role. Robin said that Steven Tyler has gone into rehab too. She said that he wanted to go in for a ''safe place'' to stay.
The guys talked about those stories and how lame it is to claim that you're researching a role when you get picked up for something like that. Artie said that Tatum is on ''Rescue Me'' so she is working.
Howard read the article about Tatum's arrest. They were claiming she was trying to buy crack and cocaine. Artie said that he's never smoked crack or coke and he thinks that he'd rather have just coke. He said the crack is just an easy way to free base. He said that the regular coke is a party and lasts longer than the crack would.
Artie said that Tatum was always a heroin person as far as he knew. He said that she must be getting more social.
Howard read more about the arrest and how Tatum was asking the cops if they knew who she was when they picked her up. Howard read that she had been clean for two years and she had just come out that day. Howard also read that she was charged with possession of a controlled substance. They went through some of her past in the article as well.
Howard said that Tatum has 3 kids but her ex-husband John McEnroe has custody. Howard said that he's met John and he seems pretty normal.
Howard asked Artie how his vacation was and Artie talked about how he shot this HBO show taping. He said that it's not his own HBO special but he is one of the bigger stars on this special. He said that things went really well and all of the bits were fine.
Artie claims that he finished his book over vacation too. He said that it's in the hands of the editors at this point. He said he wanted to get it out by Christmas so he just went in and got it done. He said he was very productive during vacation. He said that he tries to do that kind of stuff over the weekends and tries to act like an adult.
Artie said that they think that the book will be out by November 11th which will be good for the holiday sales.
Artie said that he has a cousin with a thyroid condition and he loses his hair because of that. That's what they're telling him might be wrong with his arms losing hair. Howard had pointed that hair loss thing a little earlier. Howard and Artie talked about the hair loss and how strange that is.
Howard asked Robin how her vacation was. Robin said she hung out at her shore house and had some friends over.
Howard asked Fred what he did. Fred said he had some stuff to do with his daughter. Robin said she also went to see the ''Sex and the City'' movie. Howard said his daughter wanted to go see it and it was sold out. Robin said she liked it and it was pretty good. Howard said that he wanted to see it.
Robin told him that there was only one guy in the theater and all of the women were talking to him. Robin said she didn't drag Jim to the movie and said that she brought a girlfriend and that's the way women are supposed to do it.
Robin said the only problem with the Sex and the City movie is that the people going to see it were dressing up like they were going to hang out with the girls in the movie.
Howard told Siobhan that he sounds more masculine than ever. Siobhan told Howard that he had a guitar for him if he wanted it. Howard said he was done collecting now that he's offered him the guitar. Siobhan said it was hand painted. Howard told him to please not send it to him. He didn't want Siobhan's guitar.
Siobhan told Howard that it would be a good way to remember him. Howard told him he didn't want to remember him.
Howard asked Siobhan about the Tatum O'Neil thing and asked if they traded phone numbers. Siobhan said that they did that for a little while. She said that she was always very kind to everyone. Siobhan said that it's very hard for people to stop doing that stuff. Siobhan said that she was never that bad with it herself. Howard thanked Siobhan for that fascinating medical history.
Howard thanked Siobhan for calling in and told him he hopes he had a good Memorial Day weekend. Siobhan got off the line a short time later.
Artie asked Howard if he would rather be one of Siobhan's cats or High Pitch Eric's dog. Howard said he thinks that he's rather be one of Siobhan's cats. He said he wouldn't want to be that dog. Robin was having a tough time deciding so Artie told her that the dog is probably getting fucked by Eric. That led to Fred playing some clips of Eric talking to his dog Sadie during the Craptastic show he did a few years ago.
Robin said that Scott Weiland was having some trouble putting some words together when he was apologizing to the audience at the Stone Temple Pilots show. Howard said he would love to interview him again and ask him why he was late to start that show. He said that he wonders what he had to do that was so important that he had to start the show late.
Robin said that she heard that Scott was just sitting in his dressing room refusing to come out for an hour. Howard said that it must be great to be a loon like that. He said that he'd never be able to do something like that. He said he must need that attention and he must love to attract attention.
Howard said he'd love to know what he had to do that was so important. Scott the Engineer came in and said that his son was at that concert and they had some kind of texting thing up on the stage where people could text and get their messages shown. One person wrote that ''Robin Quivers was sitting in front of me with some white guy.'' Robin said she had forgotten about that. She said that people were actually texting back and forth and arguing with each other.
Howard said that he heard that Tim may have bleeped something that he felt he had to and Bubba ended up getting upset with him. He said that it was kind of entertaining. He said that Bubba seems to have this paranoia about everyone conspiring against him.
Howard played the clip where Bubba asked Tim why they were bleeped and Tim was yelling at him not to call him on the air and to talk to him after the show.
Tim came in and said that he was just trying to protect Bubba by dumping out of something about his personal contract. He said they just don't get into that stuff on the air. He said that Bubba didn't call him back after he tried calling him yesterday.
Howard wondered why there's so much drama going on. Tim said he's not sure. Howard told Tim that he would call Bubba himself and talk to him about this.
Howard said that he heard about that fight and wondered what was going on. He said that he kind of likes those fights though.
Howard asked Robin about the texting thing that was going on during the STP concert. He asked if people are still shocked that Robin is dating a white guy. He said it's crazy that people are still shocked.
Howard asked Robin if she's willing to admit she's in love with Jim. Robin said that she'd like to move on. Howard heard that she was really into this relationship. Robin said that there was an article in Page Six saying that people think that it's just a publicity stunt.
Howard said that there were some more song parodies about Robin that some fans sent in. He played a couple of those. Howard asked Robin if she covers up her body when she's around her men. She said that she's not that free and she covers up. Howard asked if she'll let a man see her ass. She said she likes to keep an illusion going.
Howard told Gary to give those new songs to Fred so he can play them. He had a couple of songs from the Bleeding Deacons so he played one of their songs about her. They mentioned spanking their monkey during that song so Howard talked about how he spanked his monkey last night. He said that he did that to a Carmen Luvana movie. He said he gets disgusted with himself and he throws those movies out eventually.
Howard said that he's like a 12 year old because he still jerks off even after getting laid a lot during vacation.
Artie said that he has to update his porn collection because he doesn't really have anything new. Howard said that he had some old porn that he was checking out last night and it was just awful. He said the women all had big bushes and there was a narrator talking about what was going on. He said it was really bad.
Howard brought up the bit that Sal did with Gary the Retard where they called him and asked him if he was still smoking. Gary claimed he wasn't but eventually broke down and said he was. Gary was supposed to have quit smoking because he has this COPD thing going on. The doctors told him he has to quit.
Howard played the call that Sal made to Gary where Gary was claiming that he had flushed all of his cigarettes down the toilet but then revealed that he hadn't. Sal and Richard called Gary over and over again about the cigarettes and kept tricking him into admitting he was still smoking.
Howard said that Gary is apparently still smoking. Artie said that he really smokes hard core too. He said that he can suck in like half a cigarette when he's smoking.
The caller asked Howard what his favorite Alec Baldwin movie was. Howard talked about one of his movies, Miami Blue, and then brought up this movie he was going to do called ''The Babysitter'' but backed out. they went ahead with the production and he heard that it's coming out soon.
Howard said that he thinks that Steven Spielberg has lost it as far as the Indiana Jones movie. Robin said that the movie was directed just fine but they really need a younger man playing the party of Indiana. Artie said that the movie made like $311 million in the first weekend so they must have done something right.
Howard said his favorite Alec Baldwin performance was this one where he yelled at his daughter on the phone. He played the clip from that.
The caller asked to plug a play that he's part of called Point Break Live. He said that he's doing it out in San Francisco. Howard figured out that the guy wasn't even a full time actor and said he doesn't like when they do plays like that.
Howard said that he has to stop watching that shitty show ''Lost.'' He said that the season finale was 2 hours long and apparently didn't like it.
Howard said that they're having Mary McCormack in later this week to talk about her new play that she's in. He said that he's seen some previews of the show and she's got some huge tits in the pictures he's seen. He said that they might be bigger than they used to be.
Howard said he got to feel up those titties before Mary had her baby. He said that she had one of those fake baby belly things on when he felt her up. He told the guys about how he improvised the kissing and the titty play that he was doing. There was nothing in the script about doing that stuff so he just went ahead and did it.
Howard asked if it was gayer to go see Sex and the City or go to a 3-D movie where you have to wear those dorky glasses. He said that he thinks he could go to see Sex and the City because he's used to watching it at home.
Howard said he was watching Battlestar Galactica yesterday and then realized he had to watch ''Lost.'' He said that it was terrible. He said that he thinks he's done with ''Lost'' now because it was so bad. Robin said she's done with ''Smallville'' and had to bail out in the middle of the season. She said that it's still on her TiVo but she can't watch it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Robin said that she met Opie and Anthony over the weekend at the STP concert. Robin said that everyone was a little nervous about them all meeting but Robin said that they were all nice people.
Howard said that he's proud to be part of this SIRIUS thing. He said that 90 percent of his day he has SIRIUS on in his house. He said he loves listening to their show and to some of the music channels. He said that he would love to produce a Dracula Gottfried show if Gilbert was up for that. He thought he was great doing the special shows last week.
Howard said that he knows that Fred Gwynn and Grandpa Al Lewis were a pain in the ass to work with from what he's read. He said that that's why they ended that show because they were such pains in the ass. He said that even the woman who played Lily was a pain in the ass at first. He said that he read that she used to hide in her trailer, kind of like Scott Weiland, and would refuse to come out to do her scenes.
Howard said that Fred Gwynn was 40 years old when he did that show back then. He said that he apparently didn't like doing those shows.
Robin said that she loved that interview that Stuttering John did with Fred Gwynn. Fred tried to pull it up to play it.
Howard said that he was listening to some of the classical music on SIRIUS and he started to get into some Buzzsaw, Chill and other things. He said that he had one of the electronic beats channels on and that's when he started dancing with Richie Notar.
Howard said he hopes that the merger goes through so they can have one great company on satellite. He said that this is the longest decision making thing that the FCC has ever had. He said the decision is easy but they're dragging it out thanks to these lobbyists.
Howard had an article about the merger and how Clear Channel spent $760,000 in just one quarter of a year trying to lobby against this merger. He also read that this is the longest decision process that the FCC has ever had with anything in their history.
Howard said the FCC is saying they may have a decision on the merger by the end of June. He read another article where they talk about some of the demands that organizations are making for this merger to happen. He read the article about this consumer coalition for satellite radio. The writer pointed out that the group is backed by the NAB and it's not there to help consumers. Howard said that this stuff should piss off the FCC when the NAB creates a group like that to fight the merger.
The guys were all laughing their asses off when they heard that. Howard said that he loves how John was doing that creepy low voice thing during that interview. Artie said that he had never heard that whole thing before. He said he started to like that Fred Gwynn after hearing that.
Howard said he was watching some coverage for this NASA thing that landed on Mars over the vacation. He said that the people there always act like it's a surprise when something actually works. He said that they start clapping and get excited when they make something work. He said that they should be doing the same thing there on the show and applaud it when they get something to work. Howard said that his math teacher should have done that when he got something right in class.
The caller brought up the Radio Hall of Fame and asked Howard about that. Howard said that he would never accept an award from those people because they shouldn't have to put him up against anyone else, they should just give him the award for what he's accomplished. He said it's an insult for them to nominate him against other people.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he loved that episode of Howard TV with Nikki Ziering in the tickle chair. He asked why they don't rent the Sony Imax theater and do a special broadcast where they watch that episode in the theater. Howard said that they do take some of those older shows and put them on Howard TV so the fans can see them. He said that it was a pretty amazing episode.
The caller said that he was watching the episode with his pants down around his ankles. He said that she was in a yellow bikini and Howard came out in his bare feet and did the tickling thing with Nikki. He said he wanted Nikki to see his feet at the time.
Howard thanked the guy for his call and let him go. He said that they're not going to be getting the Imax theater to watch that show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he does a great High Pitch Mike impression. Howard cut him off and asked what it was he wanted. The guy went into his impression and he wasn't that far off. Howard said that it was a good impression. Artie said that it was making him smile. Howard cut that guy off too.
Howard said that he didn't like the bullshit with that guy. He went on to talk about how they fucked up those reality shows. He said that the premise of the shows was great but the Denise Richard's show was so dull that they turned it off. He said that he tried to watch the Dina Lohan show too but that was boring as well. He said that they should have been interesting but they ruined them.
Howard said that Denise Richards was trying to do something for her dog during that episode that they watched but it was just boring. He said that Denise has 3 pigs that live in her house and she's supposed to be mental or something because of that. He said that the show was unbelievable.
Robin said that the one with the Cardashian chick on it is unwatchable too. She said that one is on E! as well. Howard said that one is a hit though.
Janks also said that he liked that Wack Pack special that they ran last week. He said he didn't leave his radio the entire week. Howard thanked him for that and let Janks go.
Howard said that he's looking forward to this new movie that's coming out soon. He described what the movie was about and how the character becomes a Playboy bunny and moves into the mansion and eventually has to get kicked out because she stayed way too long. He said he liked the commercial for it and it looked funny to him. Fred said that Fred Wolf was the director of that movie.
Howard said that he can't imagine the luck of being born a pinhead like that. Lisa said that he hates that pinhead name. Howard said that Beetlejuice is a brilliant name because they took it from that Beetlejuice movie when the people's heads were shrunk.
Howard said he went back and watched ''To Kill A Mockingbird'' and talked about how great that movie was. He spent a minute on that.
Lisa asked Howard if they have any updates on his wedding. Howard said there is something that he's working on with Jimmy Kimmel but he didn't want to say what it was. He said that he wants to keep it a surprise.
Howard mentioned that Albert Brooks is brilliant. He's thought that for a long time now. He said he was watching an interview he did and he was talking about how he came up with this idea for the new movie he's doing. Howard said that the guy said that he just watched politicians making wild claims and uses their ideas to make movies. Howard thought that was pretty brilliant.
Artie told some stories about Albert Brooks. He had one story about a friend of his who was in a movie with Brooks. He said that the guy told him that Brooks asked him if he was good at improv and the guy said he was. Brooks told him to try to stick to the text and not improv at all.
Lisa got back to her preview and said that Richard Christy is going to be playing drums for the band Caninus. They're going to take some drum tracks and come up with some new songs. He may go play live with them too. Howard asked Fred to play some of that band's stuff. they've played it on the air before because they use a dog to do the ''singing'' on their songs. Howard said that they probably don't have any problems with that lead singer. He said the dog probably gets more pussy than anyone in the studio too.
Robin wondered what the dog's name was. Richard came in and said he didn't know but he'd find out. Fred said that he saw two names, Budgie and Basil, as the names of the dogs.
Richard had them play some other stuff that sounded similar to that Caninus stuff. Howard had Lisa get back to her news preview after that. Lisa said that Riley Martin is claiming that he's seen the Crystal Skulls. She also said that Craig Gass was on Sex and the City and tried tog get invited to the new movie but he was turned down. Howard said that he was only in one episode.
The song parody was to the tune of Simple Minds' ''Don't You Forget About Me.'' That led to the guys talking about the song and how Billy Idol passed on the song and Simple Minds took it instead. Gary also mentioned some other stuff about Tommy James that seemed to be wrong according to the research that Fred did. That led to Howard saying that he used to believe everything Gary told him until he told him that his favorite cartoon character was ''Baba Booey.''
Gary tried goofing on Howard by telling him that at least he didn't have his chin shaved. Howard said he didn't have his chin shaved, he had some fat sucked out from under his chin.
Artie said that he was told he can't joke about President Bush at all. He said that they can't talk about sex in their acts either. Artie said that they weren't sure what Gary was going to be doing there so he has to go over that stuff with him. Gary said that Mike Morse is writing some stuff for him to do there.
Gary told one of the jokes that was written for him but Artie told him that he can't say ''broads'' or ''tits'' so that joke was out. Artie said that they can do jokes about doing drugs and drinking but it has to be him doing the drugs and drinking. Artie said that he can't talk race, sexuality, religion or anything like that.
Dominic Barbara called in a short time later and asked Gary if he's really going to go through with this. Gary said that he is. Dominic thinks that it's wrong for Gary to go since he has kids to take care of. He doesn't get why he's taking the risk and actually going over there.
Artie said that he was told that when the troops over there heard they were getting a show there, they were ecstatic. He said that they're desperate for entertainment over there. He said he can't say exactly where they're going though.
Howard said that Gary isn't even funny so he's not sure why he's even going. Dominic said that he doesn't think that everyone there is going to get the Stern Show references. Gary said that they're not doing Stern Show references. He said that they'll be telling jokes.
Artie said that he feels like this is just doing something to help the troops out in a small way. Howard said he can't believe they're going to be on a 22 hour flight. Gary said the longest he's ever been on is 7 hours.
Dominic was still going off on Gary but Howard had to cut him off so he could go to break. Artie said that they told him to bring everything and anything he could bring over there when they go. They need to bring as much stuff as they think they need. They're going to be sleeping in tents over there.
Artie said that the woman told him that they knew that he was a heroin addict and they're not sure what they'd be able to do for him if he goes into withdrawals. Artie said that they are letting him bring his Subutex with him.
Artie said that he's going to do some impressions for the troops but when he started to tell some jokes that he thinks he could tell, Gary told him that he heard they can't even curse. Artie said that they told him they can curse but they have to keep it to a minimum.
A caller told Howard that he appreciates what Gary is doing and he can't believe that Dominic is trying to talk him out of it. The guy is in the military himself and he thinks it's great what Gary is doing. He said that those troops are risking their lives and Gary is willing to do the same to support those guys.
Howard said that it would be cool if Artie and Gary ended up in a battle and they picked up guns and killed the enemy and ended up with Purple Hearts and stuff. Gary said he pictured them in hoods on camera after being kidnapped.
Howard said that if Gary gets beheaded over there they're going to get the head stuffed and hang it on the wall in the studio. Howard said he thinks it would be wild if they didn't have enough troops there and they had to ask Gary and Artie to stick around to help out.
The caller told Howard that he's got some photos from over there in the Middle East. He said he could give his full name out and they could check out the pictures. Howard told him to go ahead and do that. The guy said his name was Sgt. James P. Agular.
Howard asked Artie what was up with him sweating so much today. Artie said that they told him that it's supposed to be like 130 degrees over there where they're going. Artie said that he doesn't know what's wrong but he can't be healthy. Howard said he's worried about him because he's been sweating all morning.
Howard gave Artie some suggestions to kill some time on the flight over there. He said he should get a DVD player and watch like all of the Battlestar Galactica series or something. Gary said that they wouldn't have enough battery to do that. Howard said they could probably plug in on the plane.
Howard kept saying he had to take a break but they just kept talking and talking about this trip. Gary said that they won't know until 2 weeks before what exactly is going on with the trip. They eventually went to break.
Howard said that he had a clip of a newscaster where the woman said ''Senator dead Kennedy'' instead of Ted Kennedy.
Howard also had a clip of Arnold Schwarzenegger calling into the Sean Hannity show. Arnold said that he doesn't support gay marriage. Then he said that he only thinks that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.
Howard said he thinks that Arnold is for gay marriage but he has to say that stuff to keep the Religious Right on his side. He said that Arnold isn't that kind of dude.
Howard said he had a clip of Richard and Sal calling a guy who buys scooters. Sal made the call and told him he'd be down to sell the scooter soon. Then he tells the guy not to talk to his wife about it if she calls. Richard then calls as the wife and tells him not to buy the scooter because he doesn't have the right to sell it. Then Sal calls the guy as if he's on the scooter and the cops are chasing him because the guy must have told his wife something.
Howard mentioned that they have a big Baba Booey song parody contest coming up. They have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. He gave out the address and told people to send in their CDs to SIRIUS. You can find out more at SIRIUS.com
Gary brought in Marlena to meet Howard a short time later. She was 19 and said that she just graduated from CSB (Connecticut School of Broadcasting) recently. She said that she was out of school so Howard said that you usually have to be in school to become an intern. Marlena said that she knew a kid who went to school with her and he was working there as an intern.
Benjy said that he thinks that there's a way around that. Marlena said that she never got an interview with Tracy. She said that she did e-mail her resume to her a few days ago though. She said that she wanted to become an intern and that's why she was standing outside trying to make them see her.
Howard said that he has nothing to do with the interns, on purpose, so he thinks that she could get an internship if she did apply.
Marlena said that she gave her resume to Ronnie this morning. Howard said that this girl seems to be a go getter. Gary said that she was standing on cinder blocks trying to make sure she wasn't on the property of the building. She was also outside of the wrong building.
Marlena said that the security guard told her to stand on the other side of the building so that's why she went over there. Marlena said that she has never been in trouble with the law or anything either.
Marlena said that she actually has a job as a promotions assistant over at Q104 there in the city. Howard asked her why she wants to be an intern then. She said that she had this whole plan to be an intern for him and she wanted to go through with that even after she got the job. She said that she got that job and she didn't expect it. She really wanted to go through with the internship instead.
Howard said that Marlena wasn't making sense to him. He said that she already has a job at a station where they're paying her. He told her to go do that and put all of her energy into that instead. Howard told her that it sounds like she's doing really well already by getting a job in the industry so soon.
Gary said that she might think that she'd have better luck there than she will doing production assisting at the other station. Gary said that they may be able to get her in for September since the Summer interns are already there and working.
Howard wanted to give Marlena a chance to talk up a song since she does want to do a show of her own eventually. Howard gave her Ralph on the phone to see how she could handle a talk show. Ralph told her that she has to think about what she's saying on the air because she might just lose her job over there if she keeps this up. Marlena said that she wanted to curse Ralph out but her father was listening.
Howard told Marlena she seemed like a nice girl and liked the way she looked. He said that she's already on her way and has a job. Gary said that some of the interns quit a week or two in so they may be able to fit her in if that happens.
Howard asked her if she would date JD as she was walking out. She didn't get a chance to answer but Artie wanted to hear what she had to say. He said that would be great to have JD interacting with any woman.
Howard played the clip and we hear this woman moaning out the name Bill over and over again. JD said that the woman was on top of Bill as she was doing this. She sounded like a siren at one time when she was yelling out Bill over and over.
Benjy said he was looking at the ''Moaning mom'' and she was a mess. He said she's got all kinds of belly flaps and she was just a mess. They looked at some pictures and talked about how awful everything looked. Howard said that Bill looked a lot like Artie. Howard said he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to cum with that chick.
Howard had a clip from The Early Show where they were talking about the Sex and the City bus tour. In the clip they talk about all of the stuff that they show around the city that's related to the show. Howard spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard said there's nothing like a hot chick who thinks she's really intelligent and she's not. He said that there are no men who could listen to her. Artie said that the wall is way in her mirror at this point. Howard said that she's still showing her chooch out there and no one even cares now.
Steve said that they have a story about Richard the Hairy Mole guy trying to get some money from Artie. He's looking for 10 grand. Artie said he had another letter that went to his mother from someone looking to borrow $32,000 from him. He said that he gets that stuff all the time. Howard said that he thinks that Artie should give Richard the 10 grand.
Artie said that he might give the guy a job but he's not just going to give him money for no reason. Teddy came in and said that Artie had offered that guy a trip to Vegas with all expenses paid. Richard wanted to give that up in exchange for the money.
Teddy said that he still does a couple of things for Artie and Richard still has that phone number so that's why he gets calls from him. Howard said he thinks it's funny that Teddy and Artie are still working together. He told them that they should stay away from each other. Teddy said he's got another request from another guy who wants to be Artie's security guard. He gets all kinds of requests from people like that.
Steve said that they have a story about the teacher who lost her job after appearing on Howard's show. They have some news about Gilbert Gottfried who was up there to record the Dracula Gottfried special. They weren't able to pay him so Gilbert took some empty CD jewel cases as a payment.
Steve mentioned that the History of Howard Stern is going to be rerun in it's entirety the week of June 30th. They have another special coming up soon that Richard and Sal recorded with a porn star. Steve got in plugs for all of that before wrapping up.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stuff that they were going to cover today. Artie's trip to the Middle East so the guys ended up talking about that again. Gary said that he had a list of the stuff that they were told to have when they go over there. He said that they told him to bring SPF 100 sun tan lotion and lip balm. He said that they said not to bring the stuff in a tube because it melts from the heat.
Artie was reading some of the jokes that Gary had for the show but they were all jokes that the troops might not get because they may not know the show. There was one joke that might work. It was about him looking like an hour glass with the amount of sand he had coming out of him when he went to take a dump. There were some references to Dave Attell and stuff like that which Artie didn't think the troops would recognize.
Artie said that they told him that if they don't like the show they do and the don't want them to do anymore, they may just have to sit around for a week in some tent somewhere.
Ralph said that Gary wasn't able to take the helicopter landing out in the Hamptons. Gary said that it was just that first trip, the trip home was different. Artie said that he was with Gary and Ralph was right. Gary said that the helicopter was in the clouds and he wasn't supposed to land so that's why he was freaked out.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Howard wanted to go to break but Fred wasn't quite ready. Howard had to give him another cue so he could try again.
Howard said that Walter Koenig has written a new book and the main character in the book is named ''Eric Norris'' and he's infected by some parasite from another world. It's all very similar to what they say about Fred.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of the new song parodies about her boobs. Robin started off with more news about the Clay Aiken story that Howard brought up. Robin also read a story about a Catholic church that wanted to ban an Autistic kid from going to church. That led to Artie talking about how nutty some of those religious freaks are. He said his mother had one of those healer's come to his father's hospital room after his accident. The healer told him that he was going to walk out of there. The guy left and he wasn't even able to blow his own nose.
Artie said that he had to learn how to get his father in and out of a car. He said he had to go through all of that stuff and all it did was upset his mother.
Robin read through some more news about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. She also had a clip of an old woman yelling about Barack and Hillary and how she thinks that John McCain is going to be the next President. Her voice was similar to the old lady porn clip that cracks Artie up so Fred played that a bunch of times. Artie ended up doing an impression of the woman and said that there has to be some miserable guy out there who is married to that.
Dominic Barbara called in with some kind of strange question that no one understood. Howard hung up on him and said that he didn't want to get into it with him.
Robin got back to her news and read some more news about Barack Obama resigning from his church. She had some new audio of a new revered at the church who was going nuts during a sermon.
Robin read some news about the MTV Music Awards that were going on last night. She had some audio clips from the show. They had an interview with John Voight, Angelina Jolie's father, where he discussed the rumors that Angelina had given birth. He said they weren't true. Howard said he met John one night and he seemed like a nice guy to him.
Robin had some more clips from the MTV awards. They mentioned the Transformers movie so Artie talked about how hot Megan Fox was on that show last night. He said she was looking really hot. Robin played some clips of Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise and Adam Sandler.
Robin mentioned that Ted Kennedy is going in for surgery for his cancer today. Howard said that he sees Ted out there giving the thumbs up all the time. He said he couldn't do that himself, he'd just be thinking that he's totally fucked.
Robin had some audio clips of Hulk Hogan and his son talking on the prison phone. Nick was telling Hulk that he wants to do a show when he gets out of jail. Hulk said that he wants his son to work with him on a reality show when he gets out so he can make the most amount of money he can. They were also trying to lay blame on the kid who was injured in the car with Nick by saying that God must have been taking something out on him. Howard said that couldn't have possibly been what they were talking about but Robin said that's definitely what they were talking about.
Howard played another clip where Nick and Hulk were speaking in code. Nick was telling Hulk some stuff in code and Hulk was figuring it out and saying some other stuff in code to him.
The guys were trying to figure out what the hell Nick and Hulk were talking about. Robin said she had some more audio where Hulk's wife was bad mouthing the family of the kid who was injured in Nick's accident. Nick's mother was saying that the mother of that other kid didn't know Nick and that's why she's not sad and she's just angry at Nick. Nick's mom said that she doesn't think that the other woman is suffering but she is.
Howard said that's a lot of grief going on there. The other kid is in a coma according to Artie. Howard said that was a weird tape right there.
Robin quickly mentioned the Tatum O'Neil story. Howard said that he should have Bubba call in to talk about all of that Hogan family stuff. He said that he knows them better than they do. He said that maybe they'll do that later in the week. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Gary said that there are people who think he's crazy for going but he doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Artie said that his mother is horrified that he's going but she's staying quiet about it. He said that he knows that they're going to go through hell over that but he has to live his life. He said he's pretty sure that they've cried over it.
Artie said that he'd like to think that he's contributing a little bit to those guys over there. Gary said that he wants to support them too even though he's not for the war. Artie said that they don't want to hear that over there. They don't want to hear that people are against the war. Gary said that he'd like to know how many of those guys are for the war.
Artie said that those guys are thinking that they're doing something good for Iraq and they want the support. Gary said he's not going to tell them over there that he's not for the war. He said he's going there to support the troops.
Gary said that he told Artie that he was bringing his video and regular cameras with him so he can document their trip. He said that Artie told him that was good because no one else was bringing anything like that over there.
Artie said that Gary is going to be their staff photographer and videographer. Artie said that he has a life insurance policy that should take care of his mother and sister if he passes away over there. Gary said that he's got a huge policy for his family too.
Artie said that he's not afraid of dying but he doesn't want to die in a pussy way. He doesn't want to die of heat stroke, he'd rater get shot or something.
Gary said that he needs a reasonable place to take a shit. That's the only think he's worried about. Artie said that he's not going to be in a good mooed there. He's not even in a good mood after staying in the Four Seasons for 12 hours. He knows it's going to be uncomfortable there.
Artie talked about some of the awful conditions he's been in. He was in a psych ward at a hospital after they busted him while he was at MAD TV. He said that he had to shower after this 300 pound guy and it was just gross.
Gary said that Jim McClure just handed him a note about how there is no alcohol allowed over there when they go on their trip. Gary said that he would have liked to have had some beer over there.
Artie talked about how miserable they're all going to be there and how they could upset some people doing their acts there. He said that he can't see the tour going very well.
Gary said that it's like they're doing a show with a handicap. They have to keep their acts clean and that's the handicap they've been given.
Artie said that he was told that they have to be ready to perform in front of any amount of people. He said that it could be 30, it could be 1500. It's not clear. He thinks that they'll be doing like 7 or 8 shows but Gary thought they were going to be doing a lot more than that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told them that there is no alcohol over there at all. He said that they should also buy some clothes at K-Mart and just leave it over there because the sand gets into it and never comes out. Gary was actually writing all of that down when the guy was telling him that.
Gary said that the one thing he keeps thinking about is where he's going to take a shit. The caller told him that the plane is the last place they'll be able to take a good shit. That's the nicest place that they'll have to go. The guy said the food wasn't going to be that good either. The caller said that he thinks that the troops are really going to appreciate them coming over too.
Gary said that Jeffrey Ross thinks that this trip could save Artie's life. Artie said that he's not sure about that. He said that he doesn't know how funny he'll be by the time he gets on stage. He said he's not sure if he'll be good for those guys over there.
Gary asked Artie what he meant earlier when he was talking about the woman telling him that if there was an emergency, they'd be the last ones out of there. Artie said that if they start bombing them there, they're going to be the last ones evacuated. He said that they're just comedians.
A woman called in and said that the people protecting the guys are very good at what they do and they should be fine when they're there. She said that there was one incident a few years ago but they shouldn't worry about that.
Gary said that he knows that he'll be standing on the side of the stage and someone will do something wrong there. He said that he doesn't think that the guys can bomb there but Artie said he's heard that some guys have tanked over there.
Artie said that the more he thinks about this, the more he thinks it was a bad idea. He doesn't think this is going to go well.
Another caller told Artie what it will be like over there and it will be pretty safe but they will be in a war zone. They spent a short time talking about that.
Artie talked about doing his Rush Limbaugh impression over there but when he did it, one of the younger guys in the studio said he wasn't familiar with Rush Limbaugh. Gary told Artie he's fucked because a lot of the guys there are about this guy's age.
Jon took some more calls from people who wanted to talk about that subject. A couple of women called in and talked about the trip and what they thought was going to happen. One woman told them about her experiences in Bahrain but Artie thought that was more like a resort than a war zone.
One caller said that Kid Rock went over there and he heard that he bombed there. The guy thinks that Artie and the guys won't bomb. He said that they may be bored over there though. He said that things can get kind of boring for them. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that Marlena was extremely cute and you know that she got away with that because they guards let her stand on the property on cinder blocks.
Gary said that she was a little bit out there but he knows what they're going to be dealing with if they hire her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Marlena was boring. Gary thought she was very real and entertaining. The caller said that the one thing that was funny was when Ralph called in to goof on her.
Gary said that the job she has now is probably a lot of just handing out bumper stickers so she may not get to meet a lot of the bigger people doing that. He didn't think it was that bad of an idea for her to try to become an intern there.
Gary said that Annemarie used to give him announcements to make where they'd ask for interns to apply for the job. They didn't have a lot of people applying for the internships.
Gary said that Benjy wasn't receiving college credits when he was working there. He ended up going to a school where he could buy one credit and that's how he kept the internship. Benjy said that he went to this school called Empire State college that doesn't really exist. He said that it's a state school but there are no actual classes. He explained how that worked for him and how he was able to get the credit he needed to keep his job there. The guys were confused by Benjy's story after he told it but they just moved on.
Teddy said that he's already having some issues with Artie. He said that he's supposed to manage the road shows but not book flights and stuff. He said that Artie really needs a personal assistant to handle that stuff.
Teddy said that he knows that Howard looked pissed when he found out they're working together again. He said that Artie was the one who came back to him trying to get him to work with him again.
Teddy said that he wanted to go with Artie on the USO tour but Gary took that spot on the show. Teddy said that he would like to have someone to shit on when Artie shits on him. He said that he will get yelled at for stuff that he's not responsible for and he wants to have someone to yell at.
JD came in and talked about some of his dealings with Artie and how he once got yelled at when he didn't drive up to pick up Artie at the right building one time.
Teddy said that he really needs the money so that's why he's back in it. He said that they have a lot of stuff that needs to be set up on the shows so that's why Artie needs him to work for him. He said that he's had discussions with people producing shows and stuff and they just never did that stuff in the past. JD said that he hopes that Artie yells at Teddy. He'll have the camera to catch it all.
Gary had the electrocution story a few seconds later. He read the story of a Green Beret being killed in the bathroom after a water pump wasn't grounded correctly in his bathroom.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the code that Hulk and Nick Hogan were using is something called Carnie talk and they use that to talk about stuff in the ring when they're talking about certain things so people don't know what it is.
Jon went to another caller who said that he hates hearing Linda Hogan talking about the other kid who was hurt and how she thinks that she knew that kid better than his own mother. She said that Nick is lucky that he wasn't hurt and the other kid may never be able to wipe himself again.
Gary wasn't that familiar with the story so he asked some questions about it. No one was sure about the story so they had to look up some of the info on the web.
Gary found the article about the Nick Hogan accident and there was no mention of drinking in there like one of the guys was saying.
Jon asked JD about the clip that he had pulled for the Sex and the City bus tour. They spent a minute on that before Jon went back to the phones.
A woman said that she thinks that they're complaining a little bit much about the trip to the Middle East. She said that Gary complaining about a clean toilet was ridiculous. She said that if he's going to do it, they should just go and do it and not complain. Gary said that if they stop complaining about stuff, they won't have a show left.
The guys talked about Sex and the City again and JD was saying that he wouldn't go to see the movie with anyone. He said that he had seen a couple of episodes of the TV show but he doesn't want to go see the movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who complained about how many days they take off every year and how they're off more than they're on. Gary argued with the guy for a short time about that and went back and forth with him on the number of days they're off. The caller said that Howard, Robin and Artie only work from about 6 until noon at the latest and they shouldn't complain about getting up early if that's the kind of hours they work.
JD said that he works 5 days a week and doesn't get off as much as some of them do. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show asking Robin how late she stayed out at the event they were at last night. She said she was there pretty late even after Howard bailed out.
Howard said they were at the Friar's Club with their agent Don Buchwald. They were there to sample some new wines and having dinner. Howard said that Don kept calling him over and over telling him that it was going to be a great event and he'd want to be there so he got the hint that it was important to him. He said that this guy Michael Lynn was there and he had almost worked with him on Fartman years ago so he knew the guy.
Howard said he never goes out on a Monday night but Don kept calling and calling so he figured he had to go. Robin said that it was supposed to be a cocktail hour and wine tasting and then they should have been able to go home.
Howard said the event turned out to be exactly what he expected it to be. It was just a bunch of people standing around talking. He said that Don was very excited to see him there though. He still isn't sure why Don wanted him there though.
Howard said he spent an extra half hour at the shrink's office trying to figure out why he was wanted there so badly. He said that they weren't celebrating Don or anything. He said he's not even sure that Michael Lynn likes him all that much. He said that his partner Bob Shay wasn't kissing his ass enough so that's why he was thinking they didn't like him that much.
Howard said that Tim Sabean just got inducted over there at the Friar's club. He said that Gary was inducted not too long ago. Artie said he's in the club too and he hasn't had time to take advantage of that yet.
Howard said he spoke to Mark Simone the radio guy. He saw people like Bill Boggs and Freddy Roman there as well. He said he has no need to be a member there himself because he would never go there. He said he saw Joy Behar there so he spoke to her a little bit. Robin said she saw a picture of Jackie hanging there.
Howard said he had to get out of there so he told people he had to go. Robin said that she felt she had to stay since he was leaving. She said that she stuck around until after the entree.
Jim Florentine was there with her according to Howard. Howard said that Jim was the only one not wearing a suit. Jim told him that he would have if he had known that Howard was wearing one. Robin said that Jim knew that Howard was going to wear a suit, he just doesn't like wearing suits.
Howard said that Jim is really quiet and he doesn't have a lot to say. He asked Robin if he took a valium or something. Robin said that he doesn't. Howard said Jim was just standing there and not talking. Artie said that Jim is usually plotting a joke if he's staying quiet.
Howard said that it's nice that Jim is quiet around Robin because it lets her get all of the attention. He said that maybe Robin is tiring him out and that's why he's so quiet.
Robin said that she got to see the introductions of all of the VIPs in the room and just about everyone in the room was introduced. Jim Florentine even got a mention and had to stand up. Artie said that they're all about that over there, they like to introduce everyone they can.
Howard said he spoke to Mel Karmazin over there and he's pretty exhausted from this merger thing. He said that Mel is trying to make the company successful and he can't get past this hurdle. Howard said someone should write a book about this because it's a crazy story.
Howard said he's known Mel for 20-some years and asked him if he wanted to get together with him. He said that Mel didn't want to. He said he just turned him down flat. Robin said she had a great time with Mel when she hung out with him.
Howard said that he ran into Sally Jesse Raphael at the event last night. He said that he's not sure she even knew who he was. He thought that it was about time for them to put her in a home. He said that he doesn't know what's going on with her.
Robin said she couldn't remember Bill Boggs' name last night. She knew who he was but couldn't come up with his name when she introduced him to Jim. She said that he had to have been able to figure out that she didn't remember his name. She tried to get him to tell Jim his name but he told him in a way that he had to have known that she had forgotten.
Howard said that he had a big meal before he went to the club last night. He said that he didn't want to stay there all night. He wondered what he would have done, stand around and stare at Jim?
Robin said that Mel had to go meet with Ford about something so she heard about that. Howard said that the whole merger thing is a mess and he doesn't get why it's taking so long to hear a decision.
Gary said that he got shots for Tetanus, Malaria, Typhoid and others. He also got some Cypro pills in preparation for anthrax infections. He said that he read in the USO sheets that he got where they say that they should contact the center for disease control. Gary told him he went to a local doctor and they gave him the shots they thought he would need.
Artie said that he was thinking about going to his doctor and asking for some morphine or something to help him get through this trip.
Howard read the note he got from someone about the flight over there and how the military jets don't have sound proofing. The guy wrote about all of the stuff that they would need to bring with them. It was the letter that Gary mentioned yesterday where the guy said that lip balm in a push up tube would melt.
Gary told Howard that a guy called the Wrap Up Show told him to buy clothes at K-Mart because it's impossible to get all of the sand out after you go over there. Artie said that all of his clothes are shitty already so he's not going to get anything new.
Artie said that he just hired a new assistant and he's going to send her out to get his shots and stuff. Gary said that the chef outfits are supposed to be really comfortable and a listener suggested that Artie get some of those to wear. Howard said it would be funny to see Artie walking around in a chef outfit. He'd be ''Chef Ar-Dee.''
Artie said that he got a lot of letters for the assistant job. He said that he literally got thousands of resumes. He said that he's staying professional with this woman and, even though she's cute, she's got a boyfriend and he didn't just hire her because she's hot. Her name is Hillary.
Howard said that if they need more than that then there's something wrong with them. Howard said that 4 and a half hours is more than enough. He said that people get mad at him for doing a short show but he's still doing more than the 4 hours of show he's supposed to be doing.
Howard said that Tim asks about it too and he has to tell him that he's only supposed to be there until 10. That's what his contract says. He said that he shouldn't have started doing shows past 11 because people got used to it.
The caller said that Howard only works 4 days a week. He also pointed out that they never tell people when they're going on vacation. Howard said he will never tell people when he's going on vacation. He said he also wants to cut his days down to 1 day a week. He said he would like to come in and do one four hour show a week.
The caller said that it would be nice if they showed up for a Friday show once in a while before vacations and stuff. Howard told him that he might show up and people should continue to listen because you never know when he'll show up. Howard said that he did a show at 7 at night not too long ago.
Howard asked the caller how many days he works and asked him why he doesn't show up on days when he isn't supposed to work. The guy laughed. Howard said that he'll try and respond to that. He said that he can't work all the time though.
Howard said that Leno is beating Letterman really bad and even Nightline is beating Letterman. Artie said that he thinks that doing Letterman is more exciting for most people than doing Leno.
Howard mentioned that Rosie O'Donnell was going to be calling in today. He said he wanted to find out if she was attracted to Beth when she was on The View. He said he'd like to know if she's ever been with a guy too. Robin said she can't imagine that ever happening.
Howard said that he had some notes about Rosie and he read some stuff about her being molested as a kid. He said that a lot of lesbians have that same kind of past. That led to Howard and Artie doing their Ham Hands Bill impressions and reciting some of his song parody about Robin and the ham hands thing.
Howard said that he was talking to Joy Behar about having Rosie on the show and she was still all worked up about Rosie leaving The View. Howard said that he thinks that he has to admire someone like Rosie who tells everyone ''fuck you'' and just walks off shows and fights with people like Donald Trump.
Robin said that she saw Rosie on the new ''Super Password'' show. Howard said he could never do one of those game shows. He said that he knows that he'd fail at it. Robin tested him out with the word ''truck'' and gave him a couple of clues. He got the word after two hints.
Robin tried a second word but Howard didn't have luck with that one. When Robin told him ''Chaos'' he said ''Get Smart.'' When she said ''Mess'' he said ''Farrah Fawcett Majors.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she never thought this day would come with Rosie O'Donnell calling in. She said that she doesn't get why he'd have her on the show. She said that all she does is spew hatred. Mariann said that this is not on her top ten list of things she'd want to hear on the show. Mariann said that she would like to hear Kathie Lee Gifford on the show.
Mariann said that Rosie bashed Howard before he ever bashed her so she started all of the bad stuff between them. Howard didn't remember that happening but Robin did.
Mariann said that she knows that Robin is totally in love with Jim and she doesn't want to hear anything about it. Howard hung up on her and said that's all he could take with her.
A caller told Howard he heard a clip of the Wrap Up Show where Teddy was saying he could tell that Howard was mad at him for working with Artie again. Howard said that he really doesn't spend any time thinking about Teddy. He said that he suggested that he stay away from Artie but he really doesn't spend time thinking about it. He said he is kind of worried about it but he isn't angry with him.
Robin said that the cooling off period for the two of them wasn't all that long. Howard said that he did get annoyed with Teddy when he came in yesterday. He said that he can kind of see why Artie gets angry with him. Artie said that Teddy keeps talking even when you're talking so you have to repeat stuff to him.
Jeff the Drunk called in and Robin said that it sounded like he was miserable this morning. Jeff said that he was having a good morning though. He said that a good morning is when he actually wakes up.
Jeff gets up around 6 in the morning and takes a shower right away. Jeff said that he takes maybe a half hour to shower. Then he gets a bowl of cereal, Life, Frosted Flakes, Cap'n Crunch or something like that. He's got the Stern Show on that whole time. He said that he has nothing going on other than that.
Jeff said that he might do some laundry. He said he does that every couple of days. Then he'll watch some TV and many hours of that. He said that's basically his job, watching TV. Howard told him that he's basically doing what JD does all day. He might be able to turn that into a job.
Howard asked Jeff what the best thing was that happened to him yesterday. Jeff said there was nothing and his life basically sucks. Howard said that there has to be a job that he could do that would allow him to watch TV. Maybe he could work for the Parents Television Council and pick out the sexual references on TV shows.
Artie asked Jeff if he ever watches TV and sees a job that he could do that he'd actually enjoy. Jeff said no to that.
Howard asked Jeff if he ever had any dreams to do things in his life. Jeff said no to that as well. Howard said that he thinks that Jeff could go to that guy who invented the Segway transporter. That guy has created a bionic arm that is so good that you can pick up a dime with the fingers. He said that Jeff might be able to go to him and get one of those arms. He asked Jeff if he would cut off his dead arm and get one of those devices. Jeff said he would. Howard said he figured he would because the device seems to be really cool.
Artie said that he'd have to be a test subject because Jeff can't pay for anything like that. Artie asked him how much money he gets a month. Jeff said he gets 600 bucks. He pays about 300 a month for rent but then he said he only has to pay half of the rent.
Howard said that he can picture Jeff getting that bionic arm and still sitting there watching TV. He said that he could picture him with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other.
Artie asked Jeff how much he spends on weed and cigarettes. Jeff said he can't spend that much because he doesn't have that much. Jeff said that he buys the cigarettes by the carton and it costs him about $150 for 5 cartons. He seemed irritated by the questioning so Artie pointed out that he's always complaining about not being on the show and now they give him the chance and he complains.
Howard asked Jeff how much he spends on the phone bill. Jeff said that his brother pays the phone bill but they have unlimited long distance. He said that he pays the cable bill and his brother pays the phone bill.
Artie asked Jeff what his brother does. Jeff said that his brother works as a welder. Howard asked if his brother ever comes home and asks him why he doesn't work. Jeff said that he doesn't really do that. He doesn't even ask him to contribute anything.
Jeff said that he and his brother don't really fight or anything. He said that he doesn't drink every day but he does smoke weed almost every day. The guys picked up on a new wheeze that Jeff had so Artie ended up doing an impression of that. Fred played a clip of a dog howling to go along with that. Artie asked Jeff what the fuck is inside of him to make that sound.
Howard asked Jeff why he was calling in this morning. Jeff said that he likes the picture of him coughing on Photofiddle. Artie laughed and asked if that was the whole reason he called in. He did an impression of Jeff calling in and saying that was the whole reason for calling in. Artie was laughing his ass off at the sound of that wheeze he has.
The guys goofed on Jeff a little more and Howard told him it sounds like he's got a full day ahead of him. The guys asked Jeff if he has any friends to hang out with. Jeff said he really doesn't. Artie asked Jeff if he ever feels like taking the house out for a drive. Jeff said that he doesn't have his license anymore and he's not getting it back. He can't drive at all.
Howard said that Jeff lost his license after he drove through a corn field or something. Jeff said that the corn field was a different thing. He said that he got pulled over for DUI the last time he lost his license. He said that he had his license at the time he got pulled over. He lost it after that.
Howard asked Jeff if he's known as the town drunk. Jeff said ''Noooo'' to that. Artie said that those trailer parks are known for drunks so maybe Jeff isn't the worst.
Jeff said that he's never even had the chance to kiss women lately. He said that it's been a while since he's been able to do that. Jeff said that it's been a while. He said that he guesses he has kissed girls since High School. He said that it's probably been 10 years since he last kissed anyone. He said it was ''some girl'' that was alive and breathing.
Howard told Jeff to have a nice rest of the day. Jeff asked him to look into that bionic arm thing for him. Howard told him to check back in about 12 years with an update. He marked that down in his calendar. He said that he'll be like 66 years old by then. Robin will be 67. Howard thought she was going to be 68. Howard said that Beth will be like 48 by then and he's not sure he'll be able to be married to her at that time. He said that he thinks she'll hold up okay but he's not sure.
Robin said that Beth had asked for the pictures and that's why she was passing them along. Howard said that she's never going to see them. Robin said that she wanted to burn those pictures too because she didn't look so good in them either.
Howard said that his face is so unphotogenic and he looks like an alien in them. He said that was 2 years ago and he must look worse now than he did back then. He said that he does what he can to look good but he can't imagine that Beth loves that face of his. He said that he's never seen anyone uglier than him. He said that Benjy is 10 times better looking than him.
Artie told Howard that Joey Ramone is much uglier than Howard is. He said that Howard looks like Fonzie compared to Joey in high school. Artie said that he thinks that Howard looks exactly the same as he did 10 years ago. Howard thanked him for that but he doesn't believe it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that she spoke to Beth about the dress she had designed for their wedding and she had a correction about who made it. Lisa gave out that info because they had the wrong name in Page Six. Howard said he can't imagine anyone cares other than Lisa. Robin said that it's big news to some people. Howard said that it was apparently a big deal to Beth too.
Howard said that Joy Behar was asking her why he was getting married. He said that he told her that he loves her and it seems like the right thing to do. He said that there were a bunch of things on the table that make it the right thing to do. Howard said that Joy was making fun of him for doing it and he told her to keep it up and he'd show her how much of a nebish he really is.
Lisa said they have some news about Artie finishing his book and how he finished it on time. Howard said that people are amazed when Artie completes something even though he's never failed to do anything. Artie said that he's never been late or missed a mark in the 10 studio movies he's done so far. He said that he can't say the same about the radio show because he's been doing that for 7 years.
Lisa said that Anthony Boza, who helped Artie write his book, says that they have a story in the new book that will blow people's minds. Artie said that it does involve drugs. He didn't want to give away the whole story though.
Lisa said that they have a story about Joey Boots wanting to take on High Pitch Eric in a new Crap-a-thon where they both try to make the most shit in 24 hours. Joey is up around 300 pounds according to Lisa. Howard thanked her for that and let Lisa go.
Howard said that George Takei is getting married to Brad soon and he is doing a Star Trek wedding with Walter Koenig as the best man and Nichele Nichols, Uhura, as the maid of honor. He read the story about that and said that you'd think he'd want to get away from that whole Star Trek thing.
Howard said he saw a video on TMZ.com where they had Andy Dick drunk and throwing stuff at people in an alley. He said that he was apparently wasted at a house party and that's where they got the video. He said that you have to see it because it makes you feel that you're more together than him.
Howard said that he had some audio clips from a new Inside the Porn Actor's Studio with Richard hosting the show and interviewing a woman by the name of Flowers Tushe. He played one clip where Flowers talks about female ejaculation. She said that she doesn't think that it's urine and gave her thoughts on that. Howard said that he thinks that it's disgusting. He said that it's very ''guy like'' when you squirt something.
Howard played another clip of her squirting and Robin almost vomited when she heard it. Howard said that she was drinking her own squirt juice. Howard said that was kind of gross.
Sal was on that show and he got up to smell Flowers' vagina. He was invited to do that so he got up, sniffed her and said that it was like an Irish Spring commercial. He said that it was like the ''fresh outdoors.''
Artie said that he's even more grossed out now that he's heard that. Gary said that he heard that Flowers told the producers that she had sex with a guy just an hour before that show and she hadn't cleaned up.
Gary told Howard that Sal's tag sale story was funny. He told Howard that a black guy came up to the sale and Sal told his wife to go talk to him because black guys like white chicks. Gary said that the guy asked Sal how much a book was and it said $1 on it. The guy knocked it down to a quarter but then he didn't have any change in his pocket so Sal ended up letting him have it for free. Sal then gave him a whole box of toy cars for free as well.
Sal came in and said that the guy looked like Seal and he was scared of the guy. He said that his wife got mad at him for giving the stuff away for free. Sal said that he just wanted the guy out of there and didn't want the guy killing his family or something.
Sal was talking about how there were other black people who came and went ''respectively.'' It was just this one guy that scared him. Sal said that they made $140 on the tag sale they held. Sal said that he bought the Seinfeld tickets 3 months ago so he didn't just buy those. He said that he lost a lot of money in the stock market and they're still running a little behind with the bills and stuff. He said that he has no money in his bank account right now and he bounced a few checks before he got paid for the last comedy show he did.
Gary said that Sal spent 7 grand on a vacation to Florida but they had so little money that they had to take a bus to get around.
Sal said that they were at a hotel down there and he got a credit card to use there and it was rejected. He had to go to the ATM to get money but when he got there, the account was empty. He said his wife had moved some money from savings to the checking account and the checking account was ''negative equity.'' He was overdrawn. The guys were goofing on Sal about the way he was talking about the ''negative equity'' stuff.
Sal talked about going to take the bus down in Florida and how there were a lot of interesting minorities on the bus. He said that his friend Jerry was down there and he saw him getting off the bus. He talked about the kids that got on the bus that were very intimidating. He got yelled at a young Puerto Rican girl whose foot he tapped by accident.
Sal said that he lost money on that trip and he came home and had no money. Howard told Sal that he shouldn't be spending 7 grand on a trip to Florida if he's got ''negative equity'' in the bank.
Sal said that things are going good now with his wife. He said that he's thinking that she's building her own little nest egg though.
Sal said that Colin Quinn did a great job opening up for Jerry Seinfeld but Jerry wasn't all that great. He said that he had a lot of recycled material.
Sal said that he was going to the Wamu theater last night and he was upset that it was owned by the Indians. He said his buddy told him that Wamu was for Washington Mutual, it's not an Indian tribe that took it over.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how much negative equity he should have. Sal said that he uses that negative equity to buy groceries and stuff. The caller was asking Sal too many questions about money and stuff so Sal told him to go ask Charles Schwab, he didn't have time for that.
Howard said that he'd blow Fred as research for the movie. He said he would really just watch some gay people to get the idea of how to play the part.
The caller asked Howard what's up with the ''Porky's'' remake. Howard said that it's being rewritten. He said that it's still a live wire but he's in no rush to get it out.
Howard said that he was talking to Michael Lynn about the Fartman movie last night. He said that he thinks that he's hung up his cape at this point and he doesn't think it'll ever get made. He said that the script was really good and he thinks it could have done well. He can't imagine anyone else playing the part though. They had to go to break a short time later.
Rosie said that they had a bonding experience at a restaurant they were at one night. Rosie said that guys like Howard used to scare the hell out of her but now she's grown to understand that there's a place for everyone. Howard said that he was never the cool guy who hung out and smoked cigarettes. He said he was the uncool kid who smoked. Rosie said that years ago Fran Drescher told her that she was stupid and she should just go on the show.
Howard told Rosie that he ran into Joy Behar last night and talked to her and they still seem Rosie obsessed over there. Rosie told Howard that she used to work with Joy and she looked up to her for a long time. She didn't think that Joy remembered that though.
Rosie said that Joy didn't get treated all that well over there and she thinks that maybe she got upset when she came in and demanded to be treated differently.
Howard asked Rosie about her time on The View and how hard it is to get a word in on that show. Rosie said that's true. Rosie said that she had left her show and she wanted to do that because she couldn't enjoy doing the work anymore. She was paying someone to raise her kids and the joy she had in the beginning was gone. She said that it was just time for her to go at that point. She said that she told everyone what she was going to do and the producers of the show threatened to sue her. That's exactly what happened.
Howard said that he heard that Rosie had the best personal life out of anyone. Rosie said that's funny because she can count on two hands how many people she's been with. Howard said he's heard stories about her having like 50 women in her room at the same time and each one was hotter than the next. Rosie said that she's never even naked in her own shower so she wouldn't have been naked in that room.
Rosie said that she lived with a guy when she was 28-30 and she has had sex with a man. She said that you can have great sex with either sex and it's not all about that. She told Howard that she could set him up with a blow job and he wouldn't know if it was a man or a woman if he was blind folded.
Howard asked Rosie about being molested as a child and if that swayed her to become a lesbian. Rosie said that it may play a part but she knows other people who have had the same type of thing happen and they didn't turn gay. She said that she has been with both men and women herself.
Rosie said that when she was coming out no one else had come out yet. Howard asked Rosie if she was really into Tom Cruise back when she used to talk about how hot he was. She said that she was really into him but she wouldn't want him sexually, she said that she'd rather have him cut her lawn or something. Rosie said that she met Tom one time before she had her show and he treated her very nicely.
Howard asked Rosie if she was attracted to Beth when she was on The View. Beth said that she's too perfect for her. She said that she'd be like that perfect cheerleader type that she's scared of. She said that someone like Angelina Jolie is more her type. She said that she does like Beth as a person though and she was very nice.
Howard said that Beth is going to be crushed when she hears this. He said that she asked him to ask Rosie about that but didn't want him to mention that on the air. Howard said that Beth is a huge Rosie fan and reads her blog all the time.
Howard said that he thinks that Rosie should be doing a radio show there at SIRIUS. Rosie said that she's started to listen to radio and is thinking that it might be a great job. She said that she'd take the hour after his show. Howard said he'd give her an audition if she wanted.
Howard asked Rosie if she ever confronted her molester. She said that she did and they settled things. She said that she forgave the guy and he apologized for what he did.
Howard asked Rosie about therapy and found out that she's been going to therapy since she was 16 years old. She said the worst times were during the Columbine times. She said that's when she went on some meds.
Howard told Rosie that he's not the total asshole he used to be and now he's only half an asshole. He said that he values his friendships now more than he did in the past. He said that he realized that he could benefit from good friendships.
Rosie talked about her sexual molestation and how she didn't really think about sex that much as a kid but she may have masturbated not thinking about guys doing things to her. She said that she wasn't sexually active in school and that might be because of the molestation.
Howard asked Rosie if it's true that she won't let her workers look her in the eye on her show and stuff like that. She said that's not true and no one was ever fired from her show the whole time it ran. Howard asked her about Jay Leno getting upset with her about stealing one of his staff members. Rosie claims he didn't yell at her like Howard had heard he did. She said that there was one thing that he put a stop to one time.
Howard asked Rosie where she was at. She said that she was looking at her 5 year old daughter who was upset that she wasn't playing with her. Howard asked her how the marriage is going. Rosie said that they're doing well and they've been together for 11 years now.
Howard asked Rosie if she would ever bring another woman into the bedroom. Rosie said she wouldn't and she's never done that before. Howard asked Rosie some questions about her friend Madonna and Rosie told him a story about her being topless at a party one time. Rosie said that she hugged her that night and told her that she should really put a t-shirt on.
Howard asked Rosie if she was worth the $100 million that they claim she is. Rosie said that she has more money than she ever needed and she never has to work again. Howard asked if she's friendly with Barbara Walters. She said that they still talk and she read Barbara's book and wrote her a note about that. She said that Barbara paved the way for other women to do things in TV and she admires that.
Rosie told Howard that she had originally agreed to do The View for just one year when Barbara asked her to do it. She said she recently turned the show on and saw that they changed their nice blue set back to beige and had to turn it off. She thinks that Whoopi is a great replacement for her because she won't take any crap from anyone there.
Rosie said that she and Elisabeth haven't spoken since she left but they do e-mail and send messages to each other. Rosie said that she is probably too emotional for Elisabeth. Howard asked Rosie if she finds her attractive. Rosie said that she does find her very attractive. She said that she's got great biceps too. Howard asked her if she ever wanted to try and convert her to homosexuality. Rosie said that she almost did convert her to ''homosexuality acceptance.'' She said that she had her over to her house and she showed her how great a parent she was.
Howard told Rosie that comedian Ant actually banged some old dude on one of her gay cruises. She said that wasn't going to sell any tickets. Rosie said that Ant was on the cruise and she also had this Daniel Noriega from American Idol on the cruise and Ant said that he wanted to get Daniel. Daniel was only 17 at the time. She seemed to be kind of creeped out by that.
Howard told Rosie about the Ant story and how he ended up in a room with a 70-something year old couple. Ant got a blow job from one of the guys who removed his teeth before doing his thing.
Howard talked about his radio carer and how he hopes that he knows when he should get the hell out of there. He said that he doesn't want to be like Imus at 70 and doing radio.
Howard asked Rosie about her thoughts on 9/11 because she thinks that there is some kind of conspiracy going on there. She told Howard that she doesn't believe that the buildings fell without help from explosives. Fred and Howard talked about the conspiracy thing and how that seems to help people sleep at night when they think that something other than what actually happened, happened. Rosie told Howard that there is a guy by the name of Willie Rodriguez who worked in Building 2 and saw a lot of odd things there that day. Howard said he might have to get him on the show then.
Howard asked Rosie about the women on The View and which ones she could do it with. Rosie said that Elisabeth would be right up at the top. Howard gave Rosie an F, Marry Kill of Joy Behar, Barbara Walters. Rosie said that she couldn't do that with the women they gave her. Rosie went on to say that she would like to be with someone like Angela Basset. Howard asked her what was up with that and found out that Rosie had made out with a black woman one time. Rosie said that she doesn't have any moves of her own and the other woman has to be the one to do that.
Howard asked Rosie if she would want Lindsay Lohan. Rosie said no to that and said that she feels like she's a neighbor's kid or something. She said the same thing about the Olsen Twins. Howard asked her some other names and if she would like to be with Robin Quivers. Rosie said that she is lovely. Elle McPherson is too perfect for her. Howard said he gets the Angelina Jolie thing. He asked her about Elizabeth Hurley and Jodie Foster. Rosie said no to them but yes to Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. She also said yes to Diane Lane.
Howard asked Rosie if she watches porn. She said that she does but she thinks that she feels the same way about them as people like Lindsay Lohan.
Howard mentioned some more celebrity names like Sarah Jessica Parker and Rosie seemed to like that one. Rosie also said that she likes Barbra Streissand. She said that she could ask her for anything in the world and she'd give it to her. She said that they have spoken on the phone and she matches up to the dreams she had about her as a kid. She said that she likes her as a mother-like person at this point but she was attracted to her when she was younger.
Howard asked Rosie if she's ever pleasured herself while thinking of a celebrity. She said that she has and it was Matthew McConaughey. Howard told her that she might not be gay after hearing that. He asked her if she would shave herself completely if she was asked to do that. She said she would never do that. She said that she will trim down there but not shave it all down.
Howard gave Rosie a plug for this True Colors tour that she's going on with Cyndi Lauper and the B52s. Howard asked her how it is opening up for a musical act. She said it's not that bad and she does fine when she does those shows.
Howard asked Rosie if she thinks that she became a better performer when she came out. She said that she does believe that she did.
Howard said that he loved when Rosie got married and the way she did it. Rosie said that she remembers why she did it and explained how it was in the middle of this war in Iraq when Bush called a press conference to talk about how what was going on in San Francisco was ruining the country. That's when Rosie told Kelly that they had to go and get married.
Rosie told Howard that she's going to be on the Radio City show tonight. She said that she sat down and wrote a bunch of new material for the show and it's all new stuff. She said it's all real stuff. Rosie said that the show lasts about 5 hours so Howard and Robin said that's quite a commitment to make for one show.
Howard asked Rosie about her kids and why she didn't pick a black baby. She said that you don't always have a choice in that.
Howard told Rosie that he wants to give her an hour long show on Howard 101 and see how it goes. She said that she's in and told him to let her know when he wants her. Howard told her that they'd even set her up with an ISDN line so she doesn't have to come in.
Howard read a few e-mails from some fans who thought she was a great guest. Rosie quickly mentioned that everyone should go see this play that she saw recently. She offered to take Howard's kids herself. Howard asked her if she could lie to Beth about what she said about being attracted to her. Rosie said that he could and he should tell her that she was going to think about her and do herself right now. Howard let her go a short time later.
After the break we heard a prank call that High Pitch Eric made to a pharmacy about some ''twat cream.'' Howard came back a short time later and had fighter Tito Ortiz some in. Tito came in dressed in a suit so Howard asked him to model it for them since it was one of his company's suits.
Tito is leaving the UFC and moving on to another company. Howard said that Tito is complaining that they don't get paid what they deserve from the UFC so he's moving on. The boxers only get about 3 percent of the money that comes in. Tito said that he thinks that they should be getting 10, 20 or even 30 percent. He said that he made about $210,000 the last time he fought.
Howard asked what kind of numbers the Pay-Per-View events get. Tito said it's about a million at $50 bucks per subscription. Howard said that's like 50 million and he's looking for some of that money.
Tito won't even mention the name of the guy who runs the UFC because he's moving on to a better place. He told Howard that he'd do the same thing if he were him. He said that if you're not with the company, you're against the company. Tito said that he's with his own company now and he's going to go out and find the toughest guy he can to fight him.
Howard asked Tito if he's ever lost to anyone. Tito said that he just lost 2 weeks ago to a guy who was running away from him for 3 rounds. He said that he asked the guy to stop pussing out and just fight but he kept running away.
Howard asked Tito what to do in a street fight. Tito told him to talk his way out of it, that's what he does. He said that he doesn't need someone pulling a gun on him because he doesn't know those Matrix moves.
Howard heard that Tito wasn't allowed into the press conference at the UFC the last time he fought. Tito said that a woman tried to stop him from getting in there so he told her to call security because he was going in. He said that he wasn't going to let them stop him from doing that.
Howard said that Tito is with Jenna Jameson right now but they have no plans to get married. Tito said that they are going to have kids eventually and they are working on that. He said that he's been having sex without protection. Howard told Tito that he doesn't want any kids himself so he wears a condom all the time. Howard said that he'd imagine that Tito would be able to impregnate her pretty quick if he was trying.
Howard read that Tito and Jenna were investigating Scientology and wondered what they have found out. Tito said that they have looked into a lot of religions but the whole Scientology thing might be too intense.
Howard asked Tito why he waited a month to bang Jenna. Tito said that it was all about respect. Howard also asked him about cheating on his first wife which he wrote about in his book ''This Is Gonna Hurt: The Life of a Mixed Martial Arts Champion.''
Howard asked Tito about his family life, which he also wrote about, and how his mother was addicted to heroin. Tito said that both of them were addicted to heroin and they both basically abandoned him. He said that he never brought his friends back to the house because he didn't want them to see the trailer they were living in or the stuff they left behind while they were doing heroin.
Tito said that he spoke to his father about 5 months ago after telling him that he never wanted to see him again. Tito said that his father basically quit on his family and that's what he sat down and talked to him about.
Tito talked about how great his ex-wife is and how she and Jenna get along. Howard asked him if he would ever want to get the two of them into bed together. Tito said that he would never want that and Jenna wouldn't either. Howard said that he knows Jenna and he thinks that she loves women. Tito said that she's over all of that and she wants to start a family now.
Tito said that he and Jenna have a lot of fun together and they don't need anyone else in the bedroom to do it. Howard was thinking that she was becoming a prude to get over the porn star stigma but Tito said that she's not a prude at home.
Howard asked Tito about dealing drugs as a kid and if his parents kind of got him into that. Tito said that he did that to pay rent. He said that he didn't understand anything at all back then. He said that he managed to get into wrestling and got a scholarship to college and he wanted to teach for a while but then he got into the UFC.
Howard asked Tito if his teeth were real because they looked perfect. Tito said they were real and he's managed to keep them because he's been so dominant in the fights. He said that he's 33 now but he wants to get out by the time he's 36. He said he wants to do promotions and find the next Tito Ortiz when he's done fighting himself.
Howard asked which martial arts is the best to learn. Tito said that kids should learn to wrestle because it can teach kids a lot. Howard asked if he ever had a penis slip out when he was wrestling. Tito said that has never happened. He said that he's glad it never did.
Howard gave Tito some plugs for some appearances he was making in the area and for his book. You can find out more at TitoOrtiz.com. Howard asked Tito when he last banged Jenna. Tito told him he'd have to use his imagination there.
High Pitch Eric called in to challenge Tito to a fight. Howard hung up on him half way through his challenge. Gay Ramone called in next and asked if he had ever had his asshole eaten out. Tito said that he hasn't had that done but he has had men come on to him. He said he has no problem with that and has some gay friends. Artie said he fantasizes about Tito beating the shit out of Gay Ramone.
A caller asked Tito why he can't just admit that the other fighter who beat him 2 weeks ago was just a better fighter. Tito said he never said he wasn't. Another guy said that he agrees with Tito and said that he did think that the other guy was running away from Tito. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Steve said that Teddy has a problem with Mutt from SternFanNetwork who has asked how the fuck Teddy is a road manager. Teddy has said that he might just forget to put Mutt's name on the list of people for Artie's show. Artie said that he'll make sure Mutt gets in though.
Steve said that they have a story about Ronnie the Limo Driver having a special Howard TV show done about him. Sal and Richard would be hosting. Steve said they have a story about the new Gong Show and how many of the guys on that show have a Stern Show connection. Artie said that he's been asked to be a judge and he may do it. He said that Norm MacDonald is going to be one of the writers. Steve said that they also have more on the former teacher who lost her job after appearing on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Rosie O'Donnell interview was great and she turned out to be a good guest. The guy said he thought she was going to be an uptight cunt but she was far from it. Another caller said that Rosie was great and also mentioned that she just read Robin's book and wanted to know if she's still in touch with the Foster kids that she had to give up. Howard had to figure out what she was talking about because she wasn't able to explain herself very well. She was very nervous.
Howard said that Robin's story is very interesting and she grew up with a foster kid for 3 years. Then one day the kid just disappeared. Robin was 14 at the time and that 3 years felt like a really long time. That led to Artie doing his Ham Hands Bill impression. He was doing the impression as if he were Robin's dad and telling Robin why they had to give away the kid.
Robin said that they had a couple of foster kid girls at the house too and she was happy when they left knowing what her father was up to. She said that she thinks that he went for older girls and not the babies.
Artie said that he has a friend whose child was molested at a very young age and it's really bad stuff. Howard said that no one wanted him sexually even as a kid.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the many subjects that they'll be trying to cover today.
During Jon's show preview they talked about Artie's USO tour. That led to Artie talking about how they're going to have someone come up to give him his shots there. Robin told Artie that he has to tell the other guys on the tour that they have to get their shots too. Gary said that he's told the woman there at the USO that he's going to take over as the Den mother and make sure everyone knows what's going on.
Jon also mentioned the negative equity thing that Sal was talking about earlier and that led to the guys goofing on Sal for a short time.
Robin said that she can control the way she feels and she can turn off her sadness. Artie and Howard seemed to find that very hard to believe. Benjy told Howard to just try looking up at the sky and smile and the sadness should go away. Howard told him to get out of the studio.
Howard had Fred play that song that makes him so sad. While that was playing Artie said that there are times of the day when he just feels sad and there's no way to get out of it. Howard listened to the song and said that if he was making a video for that song today, he'd just have video of Scott the Engineer walking around. He said that Scott is always a sad sack and it would fit the song perfectly.
Fred said that the guy who wrote that song had quit the business because he wasn't doing well and then he sent this one song in and the record company picked it up. They never had another hit after that one though. Howard spent a couple more minutes on that and then had Robin get into her news.
Robin read stories about Tatum O'Neil, Bo Diddley's death and Harvey Korman's death. Artie said he saw Harvey Korman out at dinner one night out in L.A. years ago and when he went up and told him he was a fan, Harvey looked at him and said ''No shit!'' and walked away.
Robin read a story about Ted Kennedy's brain operation and how it was a successful procedure. That led to Howard and Artie doing their Kennedy impressions a little bit.
Robin said that the prices of cigarettes are going up in New York state. They have an 83 percent hike in the price. That will bring the average up to about $10.25 for a pack. Robin said she hopes it stops some people from smoking so they don't stand outside the building when she comes in every day.
Robin read a story about Kurt Cobain's ashes being stolen from Courtney Love's home. She also had a story about how children fathered by older guys can have a higher death rate than those who were fathered by younger men. That was good news for Howard because he can use that as an excuse not to have a kid with Beth if she ever asks to have one.
Robin read a story about Felicia Lane and how she had someone going into her personal e-mail and reading private stuff she had. Felicia is Booker's girlfriend so Howard talked about how Booker was let go from the station he was on down in Philly. Howard said that Clear Channel is still paying Booker even though he's not on the air now.
Robin read a story about the people on the Simpsons signing on to do another 4 years. They're going to make about $400,000 an episode.
Robin had some more news about Ted Kennedy so she read through that and played some clips. She had some news about John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Senator Robert Bird and more.
Howard said that he was supposed to have Bubba on today but they had to shuffle things around and Bubba will be on tomorrow.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly allegedly having sex with underage girls. Robin had some stories about the new Adam Sandler movie. She had some clips of George Lucas talking about the origins of ''Indiana Jones.'' They ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary said that Howard and Rosie spoke at dinner that night and then they sent her a radio to check out the show. She listened to it a bit and found that the show wasn't so bad.
Gary said that Rosie said something about Howard being that cool kid smoking cigarettes and bullying people in high school but everyone there knows he's not that guy. Jon said that he gets why people would think that about him but they all know that he's really not like that.
Jon said that Rosie walked away from her huge show and then from The View and she's still having huge success in her career. Gary said that there are a lot of people who do that and don't go on to have a good career. There are many of those.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it seems like Howard has softened up a bit since he moved to satellite and he seems to regret that reputation he crated for himself in the years past. Gary said that he doesn't think that Howard regrets what he's done but he has softened up. He said that Beth has probably helped out in that respect.
Another caller said he's been listening forever and he thinks that the Rosie interview was great. He said that he would like to know why Howard quits so early though. Gary said that they talked about that for about 10 minutes early this morning. Gary didn't want to go over it again so he told the guy to listen to the replay.
Gary said that they're actually scheduled to go from 6-10 in the morning so Howard is always doing shows longer than he's supposed to. The guy said that they are taking off Fridays so they should give them 5 hours for those four days they're on.
Gary said that they rarely went past 11 back on terrestrial radio and they had a lot more commercials back then. Jon said that the contract is for Howard to do from 6-10 so anything past that is extra.
Another caller said that it almost seems like the Rosie thing was a sell out and Howard used to think that Rosie was a mean person and now he's just brushing that aside. Gary said that Howard didn't just come around yesterday so he doesn't think that he's a sell out. He said that Howard has come around over the past few years.
The caller said that it was kind of weird as a fan to hear Rosie on the show. Gary said that people become older and they evolve. He said that a lot of people don't like Howard changing but that happens to everyone.
Benjy said that Howard's admiration for Rosie has gone back about 4 years or so and it has been quite a while since he started to change.
The caller said that he tried to get on the air with Rosie by calling in as Mayor Rendell from Philadelphia. Gary explained that reference and how it was a Captain Janks prank call to Rosie that he did years ago.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard pussied out on the Rosie interview by not bringing up Donald Trump during that call. Gary said that may have been a time thing because Howard thought he only had 15 minutes with her. Gary said that he thinks that Howard brought up all of the other feuds and just missed that one. Gary said he thought that Howard asked her some hard questions and she went through them all.
The caller said that Howard should have asked Rosie how she got such a hot chick being the fat pig that she is. Gary said that Howard can't just ask something like that. Gary said that Howard thought he had 15 minutes with a guest who had never been on before. He said that she'll probably be back again and maybe he'll get into some deeper stuff with her next time.
The caller was also talking about Tito Ortiz and how he didn't really ask him about how tough it is to bang Jenna when she's had so much stuff in and out of that hole. Gary said that they've already spoken to Tito about that when he's been on before.
Sal came in and said that he wanted to chime in on the Rosie thing. He said that Howard and Rosie have had their differences in the past and now the magic is back. Sal said that was a reference to Gene Simmons.
Gary said that he can't imagine being married to someone like that. Jon sarcastically thanked her for brightening the show. She had already hung up a minute before though.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she started listening in 1999 and didn't like Howard at all back then. She said that she knows that Howard didn't like her back then but she thinks that they both thought they disliked each other. She said that a lot of people have come on the show in the past few years that he's never had on before.
Gary said that they had a huge feud with Bon Jovi years ago and they made up eventually but he didn't think that was selling out. The woman on the phone didn't think it was selling out either. She said that both of the interviews today were great.
Jon said that he gets why some people would be pissed that Rosie was on the show. He said that there are always going to be people who don't like some of the guests.
Gary talked about how aware Sal seems to be of the races of people around him. He said that Sal notices that and puts a label on them. Sal said that they just seem to cling to him. Sal said that the black guy at his tag sale was just a scary guy. It just happened to be a black guy. He said that he's had scary white guys around him too.
Sal said that he was in the Bronx one time and he was afraid that they were going to get stuck in an elevator with a black guy. He said that he got himself so worked up waiting for this elevator that he screamed when he actually saw a black guy in the elevator. The guy in the elevator screamed back and told him to never scare him again. Sal said that it was just the way he was raised that made him react like that.
Sal made references to a Philippino guy who followed him to the ATM machine down in Florida and this Puerto Rican girl on the bus who yelled at him. He said that he was just saying that to fill in the story so it would be believable.
A caller asked Sal how he can go on vacation and not have any money with him. Sal said that he had gotten a check and should have put it into the bank but he wanted to do something nice for his kids. He said his wife found out that the hotel they were going to stay in wasn't that nice so they had to find something different. That's when they made the changes and it cost him about $2,500 more than it was going to.
The caller asked Sal why he didn't have a credit card that wasn't maxed out with him. Sal said that he thought that he was going to have the charges all hit his card at the end of the trip and not during the meal he was with.
Jon told Sal that maybe they should cut back on spending so much money on some of the stuff they buy. Sal said that he can't find the time to sit down and put all of his paperwork together. Gary said that he's been at the points where he didn't have a lot of money and he had to just not do things like go to a concert. Sal said that he always feels like he has to go out and spend money when he gets a check for a show or something.
Gary asked Sal how many places on Long Island have his check up so that he can't go back there. Sal said that he covers everything and he doesn't have anything like that going on. Sal said that his wife has to stop buying $200 jeans and $1400 bags and stuff.
Sal also talked about going to the Seinfeld show and how they went to Del Fresco's before that. He said that he had to go there because they had some Jewish people with them that wanted to go to a nice place instead of TGI Fridays. Gary said that there are a lot of restaurants around that wouldn't be that expensive and would still be nice.
Gary wondered why Sal had to mention that they were Jewish people who were with him. Sal said that it was just a fact that he brought up. Jon said that he's Jewish but he doesn't like fancy places. Sal said that he's from Suffolk and not from Westchester where these people were from. That's the difference.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they never seem to think that Howard does anything wrong. He said that Howard had a chance to do a great interview with Rosie but he didn't do that great a job. Gary said that Howard can't just pound away at someone. Howard was throwing her some tough questions and some soft ball questions. That's the way he does things.
The caller said that Jon and Gary never say anything bad about Howard but Jon said that he has disagreed with Howard on stuff before. He gave him one example and Gary gave some examples of stuff that Howard talks about that he doesn't enjoy too.
Jon and Gary told the guy that they're there to take calls from people who want to talk about the good and bad things on the show. They said they're giving their honest opinions about what they hear. The caller said that Howard should have asked Rosie about being rude to her staff more than he did. Gary said that they had a lot of notes and Howard went over a lot of stuff. He can't keep pounding away at those things either.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that his wife was spending a lot of money and he had to separate their spending. He said that it's actually made their marriage better now. Sal said that things are going fine now with him and his wife. Sal said that they're in a lot of debt right now and they'll eventually get to where they need to be.
Another caller said that he didn't want to attack Sal because he likens him to a retarded dog. He said you can only beat a retarded dog so many times before it stops being fun. He went on to say that it's the American nightmare to have a wife and kids. He said that maybe Sal should get a better paying job or maybe play the lottery or something.
Gary said that he comes from a fucked up background. His father lost his job when he was in school and that really effected him. He said that he pays off everything on time and has never paid a finance charge in his life. He said that freaks him out.
Sal said that his father was addicted to lottery tickets and he used to save them all in boxes. He said his father was always talking about what they were going to do if they won but they never did win anything big. He said that they'd be eating eggs and tomato sauce and could barely afford anything but he'd keep buying those lottery tickets.
Sal said that his father did win $30,000 one time. He said that his father has played like every single combination he could. He'd even play the numbers 1 through 6 thinking that if it was possible, he had to play it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that these fake fans who complain constantly don't know what they're going to miss when it's gone. He said that he thinks they have a good thing going right now and they have to enjoy it while they're there. Jon said that he doesn't think those complaining fans are not real fans. He said that they're just a little more passionate than some. He said that as long as they're passionate about the show, that's what it's all about.
The caller said that the show always brings a smile to his face and that's what counts. He also said that the Rosie interview had to go easy this time to get her to come back in the future. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon asked if anyone had seen Jeff's trailer before. Teddy and JD had never seen it. They were the only ones in the studio at the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to argue with Gary but he knew he wasn't in there. He said that Gary makes up stuff about guests and said that Tito Ortiz isn't the number one fighter in the UFC like Gary said. The caller said that Tito is like number 5 in the UFC and there are a bunch of guys who are better than him. He said that Tito is a whining baby and that's why they got rid of him at the UFC.
The caller was also saying that Tito is fighting for himself because no one else wants him. He said that Tito just made up that organization that he was talking about today.
Jon asked JD for his thoughts on Jenna Jameson and what she's become. JD stumbled over his words as always. JD said that she's done in the porn business and she's kind of hit the wall. He said he used to be a fan of hers and when he saw how thin she was and the fact that she didn't talk to them made him not like her.
JD said that they've done a lot for Jenna and he thought that she'd give a minute of their time. He said that he didn't care and ''fuck her, fuck her...'' He said that if Howard was there she probably would have answered their questions.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Tito is a fantastic fighter and he kind of helped make the UFC what it became. He said that he might not be the best fighter out there but he is a good guy.
The caller also said that he went through something similar to what Sal is going through and he had to leave his wife because she was cheating on him and stealing his money.
Jon went to another caller, Jodi, who said that she has been on hold for about 20 minutes. She went to the Seinfeld show with Sal last night. Jon said that this must have been one of the Jews that he was talking about. She said that there were six of them and Sal picked up the tab for all of them.
Jon asked what the issue is there with Sal. Jodi said that you can't take it with you so you might as well spend it. She said that she does have an issue going to TGI Friday's because that's not where you go unless you're going out with the kids. Jodi said that she'd go with them and their kids if they went.
Jodi said that Sal has a good heart and she doesn't think that he's racist or anything. She said that she thinks that Sal and Christine are great and they're doing just fine. Jon tried to get some details out of her but she was just saying that Sal was a great guy with a good heart.
Jon let Jodi go and asked JD what he thought about all of that. JD said that he sees Sal spending a lot of money and not really enjoying himself much.
Ralph called in and said that Jodi sounded like a young Mrs. Flemstein. He said that she sounded very Jewy to him. He said that he doesn't understand Sal either. He spent $1,200 on Seinfeld tickets and he can't imagine spending that when he's constantly complaining about not having any money.
Jon and Ralph spent a minute talking about Sal and then Ralph brought up the Rosie O'Donnell thing. Ralph said that today's Howard was not the Howard that we love. He said that a lot of people miss the told Howard that used to yell about Rosie. He said that was entertaining stuff back then when he was doing that.
Ralph said that Howard is doing a show now and he's trying to entertain and back then he probably didn't hate Rosie. He said that he was just trying to entertain the fans. He said that Howard is a good guy and he's never really had that anger.
Jon said that he does love the angry Howard from the old days and some of the stuff they used to do. Ralph said that a lot of people liked that but it was just for entertainment. Jon said that there will always be people who are going to like and dislike stuff they do on the show. Ralph said that people can't just live in the past and want Howard to do the same stuff he was doing 10 years ago.
Jon let Ralph go and took another call. The caller said that he wanted to talk about the work ethic thing. The guy said that Howard has balls saying that he has a life outside of the show when other people are out there busting their hump all day long. He said that Howard doesn't work that hard from what he can tell but he's never worked in radio.
Jon told the caller that they work on Lotus Notes and they're on for just about the whole day. He said that Howard is always on there doing stuff and he's very involved with the planning of the show. He said that he's not sacrificing the show for his life, he's incorporating it all.
Jon said that Howard is doing a creative meeting right now and they are constantly working even if they're not on the air. The caller thanked him for explaining that to him. The guy also said that he wanted Gary to know that he's doing a great job.
Jon asked JD how he thinks the trip will go. JD said that he wouldn't be able to handle it himself and he can't imagine Artie being able to handle it. Jon said that it ain't no walk in the park. Teddy said that Artie can handle the heat pretty well and he thinks that the trip is going to be amazing for him.
JD said that he's read stuff about the troops over there and how they have to take half hour breaks after just 10 minutes of work. It's going to be tough for them over there.
Jon asked Teddy about this new assistant, Hillary, that Artie has. Teddy said that she's got strong skills and he's spoken to her a bunch of times.
Gregg Karmel from Howard TV went to school with Hillary and he thinks that she's going to step up and do a great job. Teddy said that he thinks that things are going to work out because the stress level is already down.
Sal came in to tell Jon that he didn't pay for the Seinfeld tickets that night. He said that he only paid for he and his wife. He said that he couldn't afford those tickets. Jon had to end the show a short time later after letting everyone get in their plugs.
Howard started off the show not knowing what day it was. He gave an update on the weather there in New York and said they had a lot to get to today. He had a couple of Baba Booey mentions to play for everyone. He said that the first one was from San Diego of all places. He said it was a fleeting one that was made by a guy on a bicycle as he was riding by a reporter doing a live report.
In the clip the woman talked about the cool weather and the guy rides buy and yells out a quick ''Baba Booey.'' In a second clip from a local report on a CW channel a guy is doing his live report and a guy in a car starts honking his horn and yelling out Baba Booey.
A guy claiming to be the guy in the CW report said that he was actually standing there and someone else was honking their horn. He told Howard how he managed to do that as he was pretending to eat his bagel nearby. He said he was on the phone and told his friend to let him know when they were live on the air. He said the crew wanted to kill him for doing that. Howard said that it's not illegal to do that stuff.
Howard said he loves when people do the Baba Booey thing. He said that if he was lucky enough to be walking by he'd do it and he'd say ''Baba Booey, Fafa Foohey...''
The caller said that he got some food off of a lunch truck that was near there. That led to Howard talking about how Artie should buy a lunch truck. Artie said he used to get food off of those trucks when he was working in Newark. He said they have some great food on those trucks.
Howard asked Artie what he would yell out if he was walking by a live TV report. Artie said he'd yell out ''Howard is God, Baba Booey!'' which is an old school way of doing it.
Howard said that he was reading an article about these diets that are supposed to clean out the toxins in your body and no one can even explain what toxins they are. Howard said that they did a report about these diets and how they claim that your feet will get rid of toxins and change the color of the water. Meanwhile they put something in the water that changes color even if you don't put your feet in it.
Howard said that he rarely gets sick, maybe a cold once a year or so. Artie said that he never gets sick but then said that he's probably been sick since 1976.
Howard read the article he was talking about earlier and they talk about how the body has things in it that remove the toxins in the body. Robin said that they wear out though. Howard went on to tell Robin that she has a cold but she said that if she had a cold she'd lose her voice and miss out on work.
Howard asked Robin if she was saying that she has healthier colds now. She said that she just has a stuffy nose.
Howard said that the feelings he had about her have changed but some of the fans think that he should continue to hate her. He had some clips from the Wrap Up show to play where the fans were calling in and complaining.
Howard said that he doesn't have the same vicious feelings he had for Rosie in the past. He said that he used to think that she was a phony but he now sees that she has evolved into an entertainer that is very honest with people. He was man enough to admit that his feelings have changed about her. He said that he doesn't want to be a Rush Limbaugh who feels he has to stay by the party line no matter what.
Howard said he thought Rosie was a great interview and they did some great radio yesterday with her. Artie said that it's a good thing he's not all that well known because he used to play Rosie on MAD TV years ago.
Howard said that he used to care what the audience thought about him but now he can honestly say that he doesn't give a shit. He said that this would have bothered him in the past but not anymore. He said that all of that neurotic worrying that he used to do wouldn't have changed the show at all. Artie said he thinks that it would have changed it though.
Howard mentioned that they have the Porn Stars vs. Slow Adults game coming up today. He mentioned some of the people who were coming in to play the game. Miss Howard Stern is coming in and Howard said that she's got bigger tits now. He had one of the questions that was supposed to be pretty easy. He asked ''Who wrote the famous phrase ''To be or not to be?'' Robin said that she had to think about that but knew that it was Shakespeare.
Howard said that was a fairly simple question. Robin said that the slow adults aren't going to know the answer to that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was waiting for Howard to get into the Donald Trump thing with Rosie yesterday. Howard said that he felt that had been talked about too much already. He said that he knows a lot of people were upset about that but he thought he got a ton of other great stuff out of her.
Howard said that they were only supposed to have Rosie for 15 minutes so he had no idea it was going to go for 45. He said he didn't think the Donald Trump thing was all that interesting.
Gary said that he got the feeling that some of the fans wanted Howard to attack Rosie. Howard wasn't sure what he'd attack her over. He said he doesn't hate her and he has no reason to attack her. He said that years ago maybe he would have done that but he doesn't have that with her anymore. Robin said that's kind of what happened with Amy Fisher. Howard said that's right and that's why Amy walked off the show.
The caller on the line was the same guy who called the Wrap Up Show yesterday about the same thing. Howard told the guy that maybe he'd ask her about the Trump thing next time she comes on the show. Howard ended up goofing on the caller for saying ''tooken the high road'' at one point.
Another caller said that he loved the interview and thought Rosie came off really cool yesterday. He said that there was no reason to pound Rosie over anything during that interview.
The caller also said that he got Howard TV and watched the show where Artie talked about driving to Delaware to get his heroin. He told Artie that he's the man. Artie joked that it was all written for him and that was the story line they went with. Howard joke that they originally had him driving to Alaska to get his heroin.
Howard read some notes from some fans about the Rosie O'Donnell interview. There were some who said it was great and others who thought that he was a sell out for doing a nice interview with her. Some people went off on him for the way he did the interview. Someone thought that it was one of his 10 best interviews ever.
Robin said that there were rumors that Jason might co-host with Rosie if she does a show there. Howard read through a few more e-mails and had both negative and positive feedback about that interview.
Jason came in and said that he's not exercising at this point. Howard said that of course he isn't. Jason said he knows that he's fat, what do they want? Howard asked him what he's eating and if he's out of control. Jason said that he eats tuna salad on a bagel in the morning and that's it. Jason said it doesn't even have any mayonnaise in it.
Jason said that he'll eat decent there but then he goes out to eat over the weekend and eats crap. He said that he doesn't go crazy there at work but when he's on his own it's a mess.
Jason said that he has to go for his tux fitting this weekend and he isn't planning on looking like this in 6 months. Howard told Jason that he's a young guy and he should do something about this while he can. Jason said that he had a motivation to lighten up when they were doing the contest because he was being weighed every week. Howard said that they should start weighing him again then.
Jason got on the scale and came in at 287 pounds. Artie said that he didn't look that big. Howard said that he does but he doesn't have the big head that Artie does. Jason said that he was told that the wedding people for Will's wedding were saying that the chairs at the wedding only hold 250 pounds. Jason said that he's going to have to lose some weight just to sit in one of those chairs.
Jason said that he's going to start his diet today. He told Howard to weigh him in next week to see how much he's lost. Howard said that he'll do that but Artie asked if he really wanted Howard to do that. Jason said he's sure. Artie said he feels like they're Jason's mother yelling at him like that.
Artie said that there's no way Jeff can be cleaning himself up in that tiny shower he talked about during that interview.
A phone caller told Howard that Ralph was saying that Howard is putting on a show and that maybe he was never really angry at Rosie. Howard said that Ralph doesn't know anything. Howard said that he's an angry man and that's why he has to go to therapy all the time. He said that he's really the angriest guy out there.
Wolfie called in and told Howard about a Howard TV episode where they have the discussion about Gary's breath and the guys added some green clouds for his bad breath. Howard said that he really did catch that bad breath stink from Gary those two weeks in their meetings. Gary told Howard that he couldn't have had the bad breath because no one else came to him and complained about his breath.
Howard said that he hasn't smelled his breath lately and he thinks that Gary has done something different. Gary said that he hasn't done anything or changed anything and he still doesn't think that it was his breath in those two meetings.
Howard said he needs to see this special that Wolfie was talking about. Howard said he wants to see himself pulling away from Gary during those meetings. Howard still insists that it was Gary's breath. Wolfie also mentioned that Gary has a drawer in the bathroom there where he keeps his mouthwash and tooth brush. That led to Robin suggesting that Gary not have an office chair but a Dentist's chair instead. Howard said that's funny.
Howard said that he'd rather bring this stuff up on the air than off the air. Howard said that Sal was in the hall behind Gary pretending to brush his teeth.
Howard asked Gary if he had a Water Pik in his drawer there. Gary said he did for a while but he never used it so he took it home. Wolfie was still talking about that special and telling Howard how funny it was to see him craning his neck to get away from Gary.
Howard said that they should put some of those creative meetings on the air but then a lot of people might hear him complaining about how bad they'd be as guests. He said that they really don't need that.
Howard asked if they played the clip from one of those meetings where Gary had glitter on his face and it was driving him nuts. Howard said that Gary denied it at one point. Gary said that he didn't know where it came from that day.
Wolfie tried to find out what Gary was going to do on that 22 hour flight to Iraq if he gets bored going to Las Vegas. Gary said that he wasn't talking to Wolfie anymore. He was also busy fighting with Sal out in the office.
Gary said that he's going to bring a DVD player on the flight with him and watch that. Howard said that Gary was beating up Sal out in the hall with his giant tooth brush.
Howard goofed on Gary about his boredom out in Las Vegas and did his impression of him for a short time. Wolfie asked if he could come in and sit in Gary's office to observe him. Gary said that would be great, another loser in there. Gary said that Wolfie is taking over the Sal position with the goofing. He said that he's called in like 8 times lately and goofed on him.
Wolfie asked Robin if she's noticed that Gary has gotten really dumpy lately with his clothes. He likened him to an old secretary who wears jeans to work. Howard thanked Wolfie for the call and said that was enough for now.
Robin told Howard that Gary had just gotten his lunch so Howard said that they should watch. Gary asked what the fuck was going on today. He was still trying to get Sal out of his office too. Howard said that it was like a zoo in there.
Artie said that there are a lot of people who are wondering about that building 7 and why that went down the way it did when it wasn't hit by a plane. He said that's what a lot of these conspiracy theorists go for when they bring up that stuff.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that there were massive amounts of steel down there after the collapse. He said that there were millions of tons of steel there. It didn't turn to dust. Howard ended up talking to Doug about how he robbed a store to feed the fire fighters down there. Doug said that they didn't steal it, they were just using the food that was down there. Doug said that he also used a camera that was taken from a store down there. He said that he gave his pictures to a museum and didn't make any money off of them or anything like that.
Doug said that the cops were breaking doors down that day and they weren't looting. Howard said that they were looting. Doug insisted that they weren't looting but Howard said that by definition they were looting. Doug said that they were making meals for hundreds of people.
Robin said that Doug wasn't stealing the stuff for himself, they were using it for the people who were working down there. Doug told them that they have no balls to do stuff like that themselves and they have no right to go off on him the way they were.
Fred said that he went to a store and bought a bunch of stuff for the workers down there. Doug said he was down there for over 24 hours helping out down there. He said that it was the most dangerous time to be there. Fred told him that the most dangerous time was at 9 o'clock that morning, not when Doug was there. Doug said that he meant after the collapse.
Doug said that he shouldn't have to defend himself like this. He tried changing subjects to the Rosie O'Donnell interview and brought that up. He said that he's not sure what he feels about the interview yesterday. He said that they had a lot of history there. Howard tried to get back to Doug's looting but Doug asked him not to keep saying that he was looting.
Fred told Doug that there was another crane collapse nearby and they might need some looters down there. Doug didn't get why Fred had so much anger toward him. He went on to say that he wasn't going down there to do that stuff. He said that he wasn't the only person taking pictures down there. There were cops and fire fighters taking pictures too.
Doug said that he donated the pictures to a museum called Here Is New York. He said that he thinks that it's a real place but he knew it as a web site. Doug said that he had his own camera and then took one disposable camera that he used down there too.
Howard goofed on Doug a little more about that stuff but he was just kidding. Doug seemed to be getting upset that he was making fun of him about stealing stuff. Howard said that he wished that he had the balls to go down there to ground zero and loot the way Doug did. Doug told Howard and the guys that they were scumbags for doing that to him.
Fred played some music for Doug and then threw in a bunch of sound effects like he was breaking glass, taking pictures and doing all of that stuff. Howard said that he's not a picture guy and he never takes pictures. He said that he almost never takes them. He said that he started for a while but then he gave up on it. He said he used to carry a camera with him because he saw people taking pictures all the time. Then he realized that he doesn't take any. Doug said he takes about 100 a week. Howard said that Doug has to steal cameras because he takes so many.
Howard said that Doug loves to take pictures. Doug said that he has about 42,000 pictures from the past 10 years or so. He said that a lot of those are show related.
Doug talked about the cops and fire fighters breaking doors down there and how surreal that was. Howard asked Doug what they had coming up on Howard TV. Doug said that they have a new programming schedule coming up soon. They have a new Beat the Booey game coming up and that will be a 5 part series. He said that Jon Hein is going to be hosting that special 5 part series. They'll be doing that in July and they'll have an open casting call next Thursday and they'll have more information on that soon.
Doug said that if he wasn't doing this job he'd probably be doing some charity work. He said that he wishes he had more money so he could donate more. He said that he probably donates more of a percentage than anyone else there. Doug said that maybe 3 percent of his salary goes to charity. Artie said that he guarantees that Howard probably donates more than 3 percent of his salary to charity. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Gary got yelled at by a little woman at some event he was at. Gary came in and said that he was at a barbecue with 8-10 people and this little person was there and asking him a bunch of questions. He said that he was telling her what he does for living. He said that he said he worked at SIRIUS satellite radio and someone else told her that he worked on the Stern show. Then the woman went off on him saying that Howard Stern is a fuckin' asshole.
Howard wondered what that has to do with Gary. Gary said he could have gotten up and walked away but he thought that would be rude. Gary said that she kept going off on him about Howard and claimed that Howard's wife left him because he's such an asshole. Gary said that it was kind of funny because she was yelling at him with this big goblet of wine in her hand.
Gary said that he's found that little people either have a great sense of humor or no sense of humor at all. He said that this woman had no sense of humor at all. He said that she looked like Baby Finster because she was drinking and smoking a cigarette at the same time.
Gary said that his neighbor was the one who brought up the fact that he works with Howard and he was sorry for bringing it up. Gary said that she was very clear and vocal about her thoughts on Howard. She claimed that she had listened to him out in Seattle at some point.
Gary said that it went on for like 3 and a half minutes and it was very uncomfortable. Artie said that he just agrees with people like that. Gary said that he didn't argue with her about it. He said that he just told her that he didn't like Rush Limbaugh and he'd see him all the time but wouldn't say a thing to him.
Howard wondered what you're supposed to do with a person like that. You can't tell them to shut up. Artie said that they had a little person on the movie ''Dirty Work'' and someone called him a midget and the guy got all pissed and called his agent. The guy had a little person as an agent too. He said that the next day they had ''Paul the Midget'' on his chair there which was hilarious to Artie. He said that the kid there thought it would be funny to do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that WYSP is turning into a crappy station since he left. He said that he was listening to Kidd Chris for a while but they fired him. He said that they're playing soft rock and crap like that now. The caller said that Howard predicted that's what was going to happen and he was right.
Lisa said that the rest of the Son of the Beach episodes are being released later this year. Howard cut her off and said that he doesn't make any money off of that stuff so he doesn't want them promoting it. He said that he signed a shitty deal with that show just so he could get into that producing role. He said that he and the rest of the guys aren't making any money off of those sales. He said that they were asked to do some stuff for some web site that was showing those shows but they weren't going to get paid to do that. Lisa wrapped up her news preview a short time later. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that this was going to be a fun game today. He got to the slow adults first and introduced Miss Howard Stern Andrea. He said that she has bigger boobs than ever. He said that they're huge. Andrea said that she wanted silicone instead of saline so she went bigger with them. Andrea is also a nanny now and watching kids and making money. Andrea said that she's not making very good money though.
Artie asked if Andrea gets to watch her own child. Andrea said that she does. Howard asked what was with all of the noise in the studio. Scott the Engineer said that it was the lighting and he has no control over that. Howard told him to tell him if he has a problem and maybe he can do something about it.
Howard said that it sounds like he's inside a vacuum cleaner and he doesn't hear that on other shows. Big Foot told Howard that he has to think about it hard enough and you can always get around a problem. He said that you have to study the problem and figure it out. Howard said that he's right and that's coming from a slow adult. Big Foot apologized for butting in but he thought he had to say something.
Howard got back to Andrea and asked her about the phone call she left two nights ago. She claimed to be on LSD and that she didn't need them anymore. Howard played the call and Andrea was saying that she was going to pack her stuff and come to New York but she doesn't need them anymore. She claimed to be smart and didn't need them. Andrea said that sounded weird. Big Foot said that it sounds like she'd got a drug problem.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's used acid before. Big Foot said of course he has. He said that he took battery acid one time and put it on blotter paper. He said that he blacked right the fuck out and didn't know what happened. Artie asked him how many guys ass fucked him after that. Big Foot mumbled something and asked him what kind of drugs he's on.
Big Foot said that he still thinks about Artie when he takes a shit. He said that he doesn't know what it is but he finds his name funny and it makes him shit.
Howard got back to Andrea again and asked her if she's been with any men lately. Andrea just laughed. She said that she's had the boobs for a couple of months and didn't have an answer when Howard asked if any men have had her.
Howard moved on to Mark the Bagger. Mark said he was ready to play the game. Howard heard that Mark is ready to leave home because he needs to get out on his own. Howard thought that he didn't want his mother around when he was having sex with girls but Mark said that's not true.
Howard asked Mark about the sports memorabilia that he has in his room at home. Mark talked about a Phillies bobble head doll and a Dale Earnhardt clock and some other stuff. He said that he has some Sports Illustrated Swimsuit pictures hanging in his room too. Howard said it sounds similar to Ronnie the Limo Driver's basement.
Howard said you can check out a documentary about Mark at BaggerTheMovie.com.
Howard moved on to Big Foot and said that he's one of the most popular Wack Packers on the show. Big Foot wanted to go get something to show Howard but Howard asked him to stay in there for now. Big Foot is still having problems up in Vermont and talked about how he wanted to sue the state for treating him the way they do. He said that the whole state is involved and they're trying to ruin his life.
Big Foot said that he was on a camp site and a bunch of people were questioning him about the tent and stuff like that. He said that he lives up near the Canadian border so he had the border police on him too.
Howard said that Big Foot was hospitalized over the winter too. He read that he had almost shit his pants. Big foot said that sometimes he can't get to the toilet fast enough for his ''vast bowel movements.'' He said that happens accidentally and it all comes out at once.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's looking for a girlfriend. Big Foot said that they are looking and he wants to do a whole movie about it.
Howard heard that Mark the Bagger was really into Andrea. Mark said that's true. Big Foot was talking about one of the porn stars that he liked so Artie said that they need to get her some security. Big Foot said that he was looking at Andrea until he saw this Memphis chick. He said that he dumped Andrea as soon as he saw this other chick.
Mark the Bagger told Andrea he thought she was hot. Andrea thanked him for that but said that she's not sure if she'd date him. Mark told Andrea that he has a big cock that's maybe 6 inches. Andrea still wasn't interested. Howard told her that Mark has his own movie now. Howard asked the slow adults if they think they can beat these porn stars. Mark the Bagger said that they can.
Howard moved on to the porn stars and started with Brooke Scott. He talked about how she's been in the industry for 2 years and has made 75 films. She's got one out called ''Fuck Truck'' out right now. Brooke said that she was so drunk that she didn't remember doing the shoot at all. Howard played a clip from that movie where she was screaming like crazy as she was getting banged.
Howard had Big Foot and Mark the Bagger talking dirty to Brooke. Big Foot was saying things like ''Oh you rotten fucking pig it is...'' Mark the Bagger talked dirty to her as well.
Howard moved on to Jesse Lee who has only made 11 movies so far. Howard asked her about some of the stuff she likes to do in movies. She likes to be choked and likes to bite and do things like that when she's having sex. She claims to have had sex with Dave Navarro just a couple of months ago. She said that he fucked her in his dressing room at the House of Blues. She said that he did put a rubber on. She said that he wanted them to slap him around and spit on him and stuff like that. Jesse said that she also stuck her finger up his butt at his request.
Howard asked Andrea if she wishes that she could have sex with Dave Navarro. Andrea said no to that. Howard played some audio of Jesse Lee having sex in one of her movies. She said it was just regular sex.
Howard moved on to Memphis Monroe. Big Foot was talking about how attracted to her he was a little earlier. Howard told Big Foot he'd have to give it to her hard and good. Big Foot said that he'd know what to do with her.
Howard said that Memphis likes to be choked in bed too and she passed out one time and almost died. Memphis said that her husband does that to her. She had a story about having to blow a guy through a pizza in one of her movies one time. She said that it was kind of gross. Artie told her that she doesn't have to do that stuff, it is a free country.
Howard asked Memphis when she realized that she liked being choked. She said it was probably on set one time. Howard asked Mark the Bagger if he'd like doing that. Mark said no to that and he has no desire to go to jail for accidentally killing someone by doing that.
Howard asked Big Foot about his past sexual experiences and how he got blown by a guy in jail so he could get some ''happy smoke.'' Howard asked Big Foot about his drug use and battery acid use. Howard said that he does stuff that no one else does like using battery acid instead of regular acid.
Howard played a clip from one of Memphis' movies. She was playing a student who wasn't wearing panties so the teacher had to punish her. Big Foot heard the clip and said that could only be one of two things with that sound. He said that it was her getting ass fucked or fucked in the front with the belly skin snapping back. Memphis said it was the front.
Howard moved on to the game and said that the game was being sponsored by Howard TV's Bowling Beauties. He gave some plugs for the porn stars and everyone else. Here are their plugs:
Howard moved on to the game and explained what they were going to be doing. He had questions and he was going to start with the slow adults. He asked Andrea ''What does CPA stand for?'' No one was allowed to help her out. Andrea didn't know the answer. She didn't even know what her breast size was when Howard asked her that.
Brooke knew that CPA meant Certified Public Accountant so the porn stars got the point. Howard said it wasn't looking good for the slow adults. Howard asked Andrea if she even knows what an accountant does. She didn't.
Howard asked Mark the Bagger ''Whose famous speech had the words ''I have a dream...'' Mark knew it was Dr. Martin Luther King. He answered immediately. Andrea claimed that she would have known that one too.
Howard went to Jesse Lee and asked her to spell Rhode Island. She spelled it correctly and got the porn stars another point. Howard said that the girls were a little too intelligent for them.
Howard asked Big Foot ''Who is the republican nominee for President?'' Big Foot thought about that and said ''That Obama character it is...'' He was wrong. Memphis knew it was John McCain so they took another point. Artie asked if they were stripping at Harvard or something.
Howard went to Andrea and asked ''Where is your areola?'' She said ''on your breast'' and got it right. Brooke was up again so Howard asked ''Who is the current first lady?'' Brooke didn't know the answer. She asked if it was Barbara Bush. Mark the Bagger said it was Hillary Clinton. Jesse didn't know, Big Foot didn't know either. He kept throwing out answers but Fred kept hitting the buzzer on him each time he'd give an answer. Howard went to Memphis and she thought it was Barbara Bush too. Andrea actually knew it was Laura Bush. She said that she saw it on the news and remembered it.
Howard asked Brooke ''What is the square root of 16?'' She knew it was 4. Up next was Mark the Bagger with ''What is the last name of the TV talk show host Regis?'' Mark said that it was Regis Philbin and got it right.
Howard asked Jesse ''Spell tomorrow.'' She got it right. He went to Big Foot and asked ''Which side won the Civil War?'' Big Foot said ''American side.'' Howard went to Memphis and asked her the same. She knew it was the North.
Howard said that the porn stars were in the lead with 6 and the slow adults with 4. Howard went to Andrea again and asked her ''Who is the Vice President of the United States?'' Andrea got it right with Dick Cheney.
Howard went to the porn stars and asked ''Who is Barack Obama's spiritual advisor?'' Brooke didn't know, neither did Mark the Bagger. No one knew the answer. Howard told them that it was Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
Howard asked ''What does U.N. stand for'' and the porn stars got that. He asked Big Foot who plays guitar for Van Halen. Big Foot said ''Van Halen does.'' Howard needed a first name but Big Foot had no idea. Jesse knew it was Eddie Van Halen.
Howard asked Andrea to spell coffee. She got it right. Memphis had to spell Saturday and got that right. He asked Mark the Bagger what the M in MTV stood for. He knew it was Music. Howard asked Brooke what JFK's last name was. She knew it was Kennedy.
Big Foot was asked ''What is the name of the hot imaginary line that separates the northern and southern hemispheres?'' Big Foot had no clue. Howard gave him an easier one. He asked ''What does the DC in Washington DC stand for?'' Big Foot had no clue on that one either. Big Foot was rambling on about what Washington DC was and what you do there but he didn't have a clue that they just wanted to know what the DC stood for. Jesse knew that it was District of Columbia. Big Foot thought that they were asking him the hardest questions possible and it wasn't fair. Gary asked him if he can spell Saturday. Big Foot said he can't spell.
Howard asked Andrea ''How many donuts make up a dozen?'' She got it right. Howard asked Memphis ''What planet is known as the red planet?'' She knew it was Mars.
Howard asked Mark the Bagger ''How many weeks are in a year?'' Mark guessed 36. Brooke knew it was 52. Howard said that Big Foot was looking really depressed. He said he didn't even want to be there anymore. He said that they're getting the most complicated questions for someone who only has a 6th grade education.
Howard asked Big Foot ''According to the bible, who were the first people on earth?'' Big Foot knew it was Adam and Eve. He finally got one right. Big Foot said that was finally something that he knew. He said that he now knows that there are 32 weeks in a year now too.
Howard asked Brooke what year Christopher Columbus sailed to America. She didn't know. Andrea didn't know, Jesse got it with 1492.
Howard asked Mark what 5621 x 0 equaled. Mark guessed it was 5621. The porn stars took the point. Howard asked Big Foot some more questions for fun but the porn stars had already taken the win. The slow adults had no chance at that point.
Big Foot was getting all nervous about not winning because he was told he was going to get some travel money for coming in. Gary said that they've told him 100 times already that they're going to pay him as soon as he's done.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the slow adults and then to the porn stars. He gave them some more plugs and told them that they won $5000. Mark the Bagger talked about the stuff he does in his movie and how Bam Margera is in it.
Big Foot wanted to show some pictures that he brought with him but no one would bring them in. Howard told Big Foot that he can't slow the show down like that.
Richie Wilson from Howard TV came in and asked if the girls were going to take their tops off. The girls took their tops off right away. They all claimed they were real breasts but Richie said they were lying. Howard asked Andrea if she was going to take her top off. Andrea hesitated and didn't answer.
Howard asked Memphis if they could see her completely nude because Big Foot was really into her. Memphis stripped down a short time later and said she had a scar from an operation she had a couple of weeks ago. She said she had an ectopic pregnancy so she had to have it removed. Big Foot said that he'd eat that all night long and she'd be coming all night long. He said he has a certain method for doing that and he knows how to find that special bone down there.
Brooke showed her vagina to the guys and she was fully shaved. Howard said that Jesse Lee was also fully naked. Howard wrapped up with everyone a short time later and went to break.
Robin said that she had to sneak around the halls to get into her booth because Big Foot was having an issue out in the hall. Gary said that they have to help him cash a check so he can get his money but they've taken care of that. Howard said that Big foot was upset that Artie was making fun of him too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about ''Lost'' and how Howard had gotten him to watch it and now he's bailing out on it. Howard said that they have more questions and they have to just end it. They have to have some kind of resolution to the show. Artie said that he's never watched it so he wouldn't know. Howard said he wishes that he had never watched it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he saw an interview with Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy this morning and they were saying that her kid may not have ever had autism. Howard said that he kind of liked it before Jim was dating Jenny because she used to be obtainable and she'd appear as a guest on the show. Now she won't appear on the show at all.
Howard said that he doesn't think that it's going to last with Jim and Jenny. He said that it has lasted longer than he expected it would so far though. Artie said that he thinks that she was going for an A-lister when she was there. He said that he wonders what it would take for her to date him. The guys told him that she'd have to get old. Howard said another 10 years and 60 pounds and Artie could probably get her.
Artie said that Jenny seemed to be hitting on Howard the last time she was in. Howard said that he thinks that she was and he probably could have banged her if he wanted to. He doesn't think that she would have moved in and it could have been a simple bang. Robin wasn't so sure about that.
Artie said that he thinks that Jenny was in ''stealing a man mode'' when she was in and she didn't care that he had Beth. Howard said that may have been the case.
JD said that guy wasn't talking for himself, he was talking about someone else in that clip. That led to the guys goofing on JD for a few seconds.
Howard played another clip of Jillian mentioning the show again. Jillian manages to work the show into a lot of discussions on that show. She sneaks in the mentions into just about any discussion.
Howard said he really should have banged Jillian. Robin said that Beth should let him do that one bang. Howard said that Beth might let him do it. If she didn't, she'd be considered a mean person so she might just let him get away with it.
Howard said he had a bunch of clips of Jillian mentioning the show so he played through some of those. She mentioned George Takei during one segment and mentioned him being on Howard's show. Howard said that SIRIUS should just blow her. She's constantly promoting the show, every day. Her co-hosts just ignore her and don't talk about the show with her. Howard said that they must hate it and it's probably a bone of contention for them over there.
Ralph called in and said that the first time Howard met Jillian, he was married. He said that he probably could have gotten her back then. Howard said that he probably wouldn't last a second inside of her. He said there are some women that he just explodes with in the first second he's in there. He said that he's so horny and he figured he'd be more subdued at this point in his life. He said that it actually gets worse instead of better.
Howard said that he can picture Jillian on all fours and him entering her and exploding immediately. He said that she's got to be really sexual.
Fred told Howard that she might talk too much and he might get annoyed with that. Howard said that he wouldn't and he knows it. He said that he could listen to her all day long.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's not that happy with the Rosie O'Donnell interview. She also said that Robin had a beer at the concert she was at the other night. She also thought she had a cigarette but Robin said that she doesn't smoke. Gary asked if it was pot. Robin said she doesn't smoke anything.
Howard said that he doesn't smoke anything anymore and it can't be good for you to smoke pot or cigarettes. He said that he can't believe that he smoked at any point in his life. He said that it shows how bored and self-hating he was. He thought that it made him look cool. Robin said that she thought the same thing. Artie said that it does make him look cool. He said that the book cover is going to look cool with him holding a cigarette.
Howard asked Artie how much he's smoking. Artie said he smokes about 5 cigarettes a day. He said he used to smoke more but the ban on smoking has helped him out because he can't smoke on stage anymore. He said that he has really cut down a lot.
Mariann from Brooklyn called back in and asked about the Barbie Doll comment that Rosie made about Beth. Howard said that Beth has actually played Barbie in some things and she doesn't have a problem with that. Howard said that Beth was standing there in front of him naked yesterday and she really did look like a Barbie doll. He said that there's nothing wrong with that.
Howard said that he looks like Ken's money lender doll standing there with the Barbie doll. He said that he's the one negative thing in Barbie and Ken's life.
High Pitch Mike came in and said that he was in the next to the last row in that auditorium last night and he wasn't close to the front. Howard had the clip so he showed it to Mike.
Mike said that he was there to support Hillary and that meeting just made it possible for John McCain to definitely win the election.
Howard said that he heard the old clip of Mike talking about how he didn't think that a black man could ever run this country. Mike said that he was trying to make Howard laugh back then and it was from 10 years ago. Howard played the clip and Mike said that he still thinks that Obama can't run the country but that doesn't mean he's against all black men.
Howard and Mike talked about Barack Obama and what they think about some of the stuff that he's done wrong. They talked about the church he belonged to and how he still hasn't denounced that church.
Mariann was still on the line and staying quiet so Howard let her stay on. She wondered if Howard was going to vote for McCain. Howard said that he's not sure who he's going to vote for at this point. Artie said that he was told that after he goes to Iraq, he's going to want to vote for McCain. Robin said that she's not sure that will happen.
Howard said that they had to get to news now but Fred told him they had to break first. They went to break a short time later.
Artie said that Steve is wrong about the Operation Mirth taking place at the end of this month. He said it's just not. Steve said that's the information they have.
Steve said that they have a story about Big Foot coming in on a bus this morning. They followed him around this morning and they'll have more on that. They have a story about Ralph advising Booker on what to do all day long now that he's out of work.
Steve said they also have more on the Craptacular challenge that Joey Boots wants to do against High Pitch Eric. Howard said that is actually going to happen. He said that he's interested to find out who can leave the bigger dump. Artie said that he thinks that the gay guy can make a bigger dump because his asshole should be bigger. Howard said that they're thinking about getting an elephant involved.
Artie said that he loved that time in the Butt Bongo Fiesta video where the elephant was taking a dump. Howard said that was one of the proudest moments in his career.
Steve said that he thought it was funny when Ed Bradley asked about why the first Craptacular was funny. Howard said that he still thinks that it's funny.
Jon Hein gave his rundown of what they had coming up on the Wrap Up Show today. They ended up talking about Miss Howard Stern today because she was so quiet and not saying anything. Howard wondered if she's ready to give up her title.
The guys also talked about how upset Doug Goodstein got with Howard after he talked about the looting. Howard goofed on the way Doug was looking at him after he brought it up. He said that no one believes that he's a looter just because he brought it up. Artie was cracking up at the way Howard was goofing on Doug's look. He was making fun of the way his eyes look after he got his laser eye surgery.
Doug came in and said that Howard's eyes do a lot more crazy things than his do. Howard and Doug went back and forth about that stuff a little bit but Howard told him to calm down. He brought up the looting thing again and goofed on Doug about that a little more. Doug told him that he was such a cocksucker. Howard told him that they all know that he did a good thing down there. Robin said that he broke the law to do a good thing and that's fine. Doug said that he didn't actually take the camera himself, it was in a shopping cart full of food.
Artie said that he wants to loot a drug store and told Doug to let him know when he does it again. He said he loved that part of ''No Country for Old Men'' when he blew up the car outside the pharmacy so he could go in and steal the drugs.
Steve the Intern came in and gave his rundown for tonight's Intern Show. He said they have all of the new interns coming on tonight.
Howard heard that Steve hates to be called Steve the Intern. Steve said that he doesn't mind it when Howard does that but when they bring tours through they introduce him as Steve the Intern and that bothers him. He said that he would rather be called Steve Brandano than ''the intern.'' Steve said that he was really upset when they brought in some hot Knicks City Dancers and introduced him as Steve the Intern and the girls just blow him off.
Howard let Steve go and said that he reminds him of a guy in the business who had a similar problem, Larry Harmon. Larry was Bozo the Clown and wanted to be introduced as Larry Harmon instead of Bozo the Clown.
Howard mentioned that Bubba was going to be calling in during the news at some point. He said that he had to end his terrestrial radio show first.
Howard took a call from some guy who said that they also say that space is expanding so that makes things even more confusing. Howard wondered how it could expand and what it was expanding into.
Howard asked Bubba to interpret what Hulk and Nick were saying in the clip he had. Howard played the clip and Bubba laughed when he heard the ''double bluejay'' mention. Bubba said that's a super secret and then they talk about visitation and about something else that wasn't clear.
Bubba said that he and Hulk used to use the Double Bluejay thing together when they'd be working out together and someone would come by.
Bubba said that they were talking about ''vis'' which was visitation and then ''high pris'' was high profile. Hulk and Nick were also talking about cleaning windows and cleaning houses and stuff and they may be trying to clean up something in their house that they don't want anyone to find. Brent Hatley was telling Howard that's what he was getting from it.
Howard said that he doesn't know anything about the case but he had people telling him that he should be talking about it but it sounds like he's covering something up. Robin gave Howard the background on the story and Bubba threw in a few more details. Bubba said that he's not trying to keep Howard from talking about it, he can talk about whatever he wants.
Bubba said that there's like a 4 part series to this whole thing. First there was the crash. Then they found out that the kid in the car wasn't wearing seat belt and now there's a lawsuit over that. Bubba is that the only people who are going to get rich are the attorneys.
Bubba said that he thinks that Nick needs to man up and do the time for what he did. He said that he can speak candidly about that because he doesn't think that Nick is doing the right thing.
Howard also asked Bubba about the pictures of Hulk putting suntan lotion on his daughter's ass. Bubba didn't think that was a big deal. He said that Bubba was using the back of his hand. Howard said he guesses it wasn't a big deal because you wouldn't want your daughter getting ass cancer. Bubba got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked Bubba about Hulk's wife going out with a 19 year old. Bubba said that's big news down there and it's true as far as he knows. He said that Hulk's wife is impossible to be with from what he's heard and that's what led to their break up.
Bubba talked about how the two shows that he's doing now are really causing problems with his marriage. He said that Heather has been getting on him about not banging her very often. He said that they'll do it on Saturday nights and stuff but not during the week.
Bubba said that Heather wants to fuck all the time and he doesn't. He said that she's going to Yoga every day and working out and stuff. He said that Brent's wife and Heather are always hanging out together. Bubba said that he's pretty much over fucking at this point. Artie told him that should be a double bluejay.
Howard asked Bubba how much he weighs these days. Bubba didn't want to talk about that because he's embarrassed by that. He said that he might be heavier than Artie but he doesn't want to say how much.
Bubba said that he doesn't want to look at himself in a mirror but they have them all over the house. They talked about the weight problems and how they think that both Bubba and Artie must have thyroid problems. Howard said that Artie doesn't have a thyroid problem, it's the crappy food he eats.
Robin said that she saw Opie and Anthony the other night and both of them are thin. Bubba got all pissed off and said that he'd kick their asses. He said that the one dude ain't that bad but that Opie guy is an asshole. He said that he really hates that guy.
Bubba said that he's number one down there in Tampa across the board in the demographics. He said that it's not easy to be number one in 12+ but he's got a 10 share in that demographic. Howard said that these guys are really working hard down there.
Bubba told Robin that was a really low blow bringing up those guys. He said that he should kick Jim Florentine's ass for that.
Howard told Bubba he wants him to lose some weight. He was going to let him go but Brent said they had to promote some stuff. They're doing a pubic hair burrito bit with a burrito full of pubic hair. Bubba got in a plug for their upcoming show in Atlantic City that's coming up in July.
Bubba said that he knows that the people up there really hate them. Bubba said that Tim Sabean is a fuckin asshole. Howard said that Tim has their backs. Bubba said that he got the feeling that Tim is treating them like charity cases. Howard said that's not the case.
Tim Sabean was heading in but Bubba told Brent to disconnect. Tim told Bubba that he's ''Mr. Asshole'' to him. He said he feels bad that Bubba feels that way. Tim said that Bubba doesn't take his calls or answer his e-mails anymore. Bubba said he's afraid that he's going to say something. Bubba said that he needs to not say anything. Tim said that he still loves him but Bubba called him a liar as he was getting off the line.
Gary said that Robin knows every wacky thing there is to getting healthy. They talked about that stuff and also about Jason and his weight. Jason said that he knows that was just Robin deflecting the attention from her to him. He said that he still thinks that she's still a friend.
Gary said that he saw a look of horror in Jason's face when Howard offered to weigh Jason every week. Jason said that really did keep him motivated when he was in the weight loss challenge. Jason said that he knew he was in the 280s but this is the highest he's ever been. He said that he was 271 when they did the weight loss challenge.
Will said that he knows that Jason was hurt when he said that he knew he'd gain all of that weight back after the challenge. Jason said that he doesn't blame anyone for his weight except for himself. Gary said he thought it was funny that Bubba blamed his weight gain on a thyroid problem. He loves that as an excuse. Jason said that he knows he has to work harder to keep his weight off.
Jason said he was giving a tour the other day and someone asked if that big cut out of Artie carrying food was him. Gary said that Artie wears tighter t-shirts and stuff and he doesn't seem to carry the weight as well as Jason does. Jason said that he knows he's fat and he got busted on the air today.
Gary asked Jason if that's one of those things he thinks about possibly coming out on the air. Jason said that he does worry about that. Will said that Howard saw Jason and Benjy trying to walk by each other during the creative meeting yesterday.
Gary explained how the studio is set up during those meetings and how Benjy sat to the right of the couch and Jason had to get by him to get something. Benjy stood up and the two of them got wedged together. Jason said that he thinks Benjy did that on purpose and he was fucking around and not moving. Benjy swore on his life that he wasn't doing that.
Gary said that everyone started laughing when that happened. Jason said that Robin, Miss Ex-Fatty, likes to rub it in people's faces when they're fat. He said he hopes she hasn't thrown away all of her fat clothes.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he kind of blames Jason for what went on with the looting thing today. Jason was the one who put up the note about the looting thing. Doug told Jason that he's a yutz. He seemed to be even more mad at Jason that he was at Howard. Doug was blaming Jason for the whole thing.
Jon played a clip of Howard goofing on Doug about the looting. After playing the clip the guys asked Doug if he was mad at Fred for playing the sound effects of him breaking into a store and stealing a camera. Doug said that he was still blaming Jason. Jason said that all he did was put up one note about Doug taking a camera.
Doug said that he gets along with everyone there but he's disappointed in Jason about a conversation he had with Jason off the air. He said that he must have forgotten about that because of the fat tissue around the brain. Doug took a couple of shots at Jason and Jason said that Doug is a drama queen.
Jason said that he's heard the story about Doug's house almost burning down like 8000 times. He said that Doug was going on and on about how his house almost burned down after he had an electrical problem.
Gary said that he doesn't know what's going on there. Jason told Gary that he knows what he's talking about with the house thing and he should admit it. Jason goofed on Doug about the way he tells stories and how he makes it more dramatic than it actually is.
Gary said that there was a caller on the line who said that Jason was a weasel. Doug and Jason went at each other again and Jason called Doug a thief and Doug was goofing on Jason for trying to get some attention because no one ever paid any attention to him. Doug asked Jason what he does that's so great as he was being goofed on about his charity.
A caller asked Jason why he throws people under the bus so much there. Jason said that he's just being up front about stuff. Gary said that Jason is good about that and he will admit if he's confronted about something he says. He said he's seen Jason put up a note about him eating cupcakes and he'll be sitting at his desk laughing his ass off and turning beet red.
Another caller told Doug that he should punch Jason in the mouth. He told Jason that he was a tool too. Doug said he can't hit Jason, he doesn't hit girls.
Gary said that he woke up late this morning and it was pouring rain when he got there. He said he got in late and he was kind of out of it when he got there. Sal was goofing on him as he was talking about that. Gary said that the Wolf stuff started in after that and he was in a bad mood. He said he wasn't in the mood for Sal goofing on him either.
Doug said that he thought that Gary was going to punch Sal this morning and he wondered if he has to try and gain his composure. Gary said that it was everyone piling on top of him at one time. Sal said Gary looked like King Kong swatting at the planes coming from all directions.
Sal said that he had to go through a lot to make that costume work well this morning. He had to make his tooth brush on the spot. That led to Sal and Jason fighting a little bit because Sal had turned Jason in for unlocking Gary's office door. Sal said that it's about time Jason got turned in for once.
Ralph called in and asked Doug why he was taking pictures at ground zero on 9/11. He said that it was a tragedy going on and he was taking pictures. Doug said he went down there to donate blood and he ended up doing stuff that he didn't expect to do. Ralph wanted to know when he decided to take pictures. Doug said that he was at a historical event and he wanted to capture some of it on camera. He was trying to document it while he was there.
Ralph said he found it to be kind of frivolous. He said that he was down there for two days and he had a camera with him but he never took it out of his pocket because he found it kind of tacky.
The guys asked Ralph about the goofing and who he thinks can't take it. Ralph said that the fun people are the ones who snap like Doug and Jon Hein.
Gary said that the only thing he can figure out is that Jason put up a note about Doug and Doug got angry at him. That led to Doug talking about how he's mad at Fred too and he's going to put up the old TV show of him fighting with his wife at the Rainbow Room because he's going to go back on his word.
Benjy took some blame for the Doug story and said that he didn't know that he was going to get so angry but that's what they do on the show.
Gary asked how that story got started. Doug said that they were talking about the building collapse and what he saw down there. Jason and Will talked about how it was Howard that started the looting story and it wasn't Jason who mentioned the looting. Jason just added the camera part of that story.
Ralph said that this seems to be a lot of displaced anger. He said that they should be mad at Howard for bringing it up on the air. He said that they really should be angry with him. Jon said that Doug said he was angry with Howard though.
Jon let Ralph go a short time later and took some other calls. One guy said that Jason is a whining little bitch and he gets on every show and gives his opinion and no one cares. Jason said he wasn't even on the show this morning. Doug said that Jason was goofed on in school and now he has the power of having the cool kid, Howard, as a friend and he feels like he can goof on everyone.
The guys spent some time talking about the way things work there and how they all pass notes to Howard about stuff that goes on there. Some people get away with goofing on other people because of who they are, like Sal goofing on Gary. Will said that he could never get away with what Sal does to him. Will said that Gary holds a grudge for a long time too so you have to be careful about what you say about him.
Jason said that Gary still holds a grudge against this guy Luis who they used to work with. Gary said that guy hated his guts and he had no idea until it came out on the air one day. That's different than some of the stuff that goes on there.
Jon took a call from a guy who got Gary talking about how he managed to get along with Sal after he started there. Gary said that he and Sal worked things out when they started working together. Gary said that there were some people who hung around back then during the Win John's Job contest that he just didn't trust. The guys joked that some of those people still hang around there. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he got a note from someone who said that Doug has censored the show before and he stopped something from running on the show. Doug said that he had a couple of employees who made some threats and they could have been fired for something they said and the discussion had been recorded secretly. He said that it wasn't on camera either. Doug said that it was Isaac and Gregg who were fighting and they didn't know they were being recorded. The physical threats they were making just don't fly so that's why he didn't want it played.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks the Wrap Up Show is great but it sounds like he's listening to The View today. He said that the stuff with Jason is just too much for the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that he imagines it as being like any office out there with the drama flying around the way it does.
Shuli said that this back office fighting is what made him a fan of the show. He loves this stuff. Gary said that he thinks that anyone on the show will throw anyone else under the bus. The caller said that he likes the Artie and High Pitch Mike fight too.
The caller also talked about the Slow Adults vs. Porn Stars game that they played today. The guys talked about the game and how Miss Howard Stern was doing during that segment.
Will said that this segment was a lot of work to put together. He said that he was trying to get the whole thing together and Big Foot is a pain in the ass to handle. Mark the Bagger is easy to handle and so is Andrea. He said that no one was willing to come with Big Foot today so they had to trust him to make it there on his own. They got him a car service to a bus stop and then sent Steve Brandano down to pick Big Foot up at the bus station when he got in. Will said that Steve brought Big Foot up this morning but he had to go through all of that stuff to get him there. Then he had to deal with the porn stars too.
Gary said that Will said that this whole thing was a pig fuck and he wasn't sure if they were going to be able to make it happen. Will said he was having problems with Andrea talking to him on the phone and making travel arrangements and stuff like that.
The guys were talking about how funny it was when Big Foot was complaining about how they were picking hard questions for him. Will said that Steve was walking him over there and Big Foot was walking out into traffic saying that he doesn't wait for anyone. Steve tried to stop him but he wasn't able to do it.
Jon asked what was up with Andrea today. Gary said that he kind of pissed her off after the show today when he said something to her about how quiet she was today. Gary said that everyone was a pain in the ass today except for Mark the Bagger.
Will said that one of the girls they were going to have on today bailed out at the last minute. He said that she was the one who didn't know much of anything which would have made the game even better.
Jon played a clip from the game where Mark the Bagger and Big Foot were talking dirty to the porn stars. The guys spent a short time talking about that and how funny it was. The guys talked more about Andrea and how she was way too quiet today and she's never really been like that in the past.
A caller said that he was listening to that segment and he wondered if they had extra security for Big Foot. Gary said that they actually did have an extra guy there to help out just in case he did go nuts.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he felt that the tooth stuff was just rehashing the same stuff that they've done over and over again over the years. Gary said that he thought it was kind of amusing because he did get so upset about it. The other guys thought it was funny.
Jon brought up how Howard was making fun of Doug's eyes today. Doug said that Howard is one to make fun when his eyes are darting around at 400 miles per hour. Doug said that there's nothing wrong with his eyes and Richard was the one who pointed out how odd they looked to him and that's where Howard got the idea.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he appreciates that Doug took pictures down there at ground zero because they have to remember that stuff. Benjy said Amen to that and told Doug he should have stolen 10 cameras.
Another caller said that he thinks that they have to get rid of Andrea as Miss Howard Stern and get another one. Gary said that they've only had 2 Miss Howard Stern's in 16 years and one Black Miss Howard Stern. He said that they might have to do another one. Gary said that they almost had another contest recently but they were afraid that Miss Howard Stern was going to take her life.
Ralph called in and said that Doug shouldn't have gotten that surgery on his eyes because God planned for him to have something covering them up. He said that he looks better with glasses on and that's what he should still be wearing. Doug asked Ralph why he got his berry removed then. Ralph said that he never had his berry removed because God planned for him to have that berry.
Another caller said that they should pick a new Miss Howard Stern and get someone new in there. Gary said that they may do something like that at some point like if they go to Las Vegas or something. Another caller said that it seems like Howard is getting more and more elitist and getting to be something that he wasn't in the past. He wondered if people agreed with that. Jon asked the guys if they agree. Gary said that Howard is making more money now and living in a nicer house but anyone would if they were making more and more money. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how great SIRIUS radio is. He said that he loves it wherever he goes, in the car, at home, at the gym.
Artie said that he has something positive about SIRIUS and said that he loves seeing Howard and Bruce Springsteen in the same advertisement. He said that Howard and Bruce are prominent in the ad and he loves that. Howard jokingly said he's going to have to have his lawyers check into that. He asked if Cousin Brucie is in there too. Artie said he doesn't think so.
Artie said that Bruce is going to be out on tour this summer. Robin said he'll probably wrap that tour up on American Idol. Artie said he hopes not.
Howard talked about how nice the weather was supposed to be there in the New York area. Artie said that he's supposed to leave town on the nice weekend of course. He's going to the Chicago area for a few hours and then he's flying out to go to another gig. He said he loves Chicago but they're going to a show 2 hours outside of the city.
Howard talked about the hot chicks that walk around New York City and how angry he gets when he sees them. Artie said that it's amazing when you see a hot chick like that and you get interested in them immediately. Howard said that a guy can fuck a girl and be interested in another one 5 minutes later. He said that a guy could meet a chick at your wife's funeral and be interested in them right away.
Howard said that he thinks he must really be in love because he thinks that he'd wait if Beth died. He said he thinks he'd have to wait a long time and he'd be really devastated if that happened. He figured he'd have to wait at least a couple of days. Maybe even weeks. Howard said that guys don't have any decency and it's a sickness. Howard said that he thinks that Beth would want him to go out and have a good time if she passed away.
Howard said he got a note from Jimmy Kimmel who liked the Slow Adults vs. Porn Stars game. He also told him that Eric the Midget was at his show again watching a taping. Howard had Eric on the phone so he asked him about that.
Eric said that he had to thank Jimmy and his crew. He thanked Jimmy for giving him a Sacramento Kings jersey after the show too. Howard said that Eric was very mad at Jimmy before and now he's happy with him after he got tickets and a jersey.
Howard asked Eric how that happened after he got into that feud with him. Eric said that it was Johnny Fratto's idea to do that when he was out there to go to a wrestling event with him. Eric said that he wanted to make up with Jimmy since he was there.
Howard asked if Jimmy was okay with him while he was there. Eric said that he didn't get to talk to Jimmy after the show at all. He said that he got to hear him before the show doing his thing. Howard cut Eric off saying that he was really boring today. Artie said that he knew that Eric was at a hotel in L.A. right now and he knew which one it was and he'd announce it.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in but he wanted to let him go because he was kind of boring. Eric said he was getting kind of pissed at Howard right now. Howard said that some days he's just not interesting and on his game. Artie told him ''We'll see ya... Take care!'' Howard told Eric that he had to go. Eric gave him a ''fuck you'' before Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he could easily get Jimmy to dump Eric if he wanted to. He said that he shouldn't get mad at him like that just because he was bored with him. Howard said he should watch what he says. Eric said that he was asked to tell them what happened and that's what he was doing.
Howard went around the room and asked if they thought Eric was being interesting. Fred said that today was not a good day and gave him a -10. Benjy said that he zoned out even though he likes Eric a lot. Artie said that he never thinks that Eric is good.
Fred said that Eric sucks when he's happy and that might be the problem. Howard told Eric that he just wasn't on his game today.
Eric said that he got to meet some WWE wrestlers at the show too. Artie cut him off and said ''Take care Eric!'' Howard let him go a short time later. Eric said ''Bye big nosed piece of shit!'' Howard said that's not right and he might have to get him banned from Jimmy's show today. Howard said that really crossed the line with him. He said that he can't make fun of his nose like that. He was laughing as he was saying that to him.
Artie asked Eric if he fucked his bed in the hotel. Eric, sounding angry, said he did not fuck his bed. Howard asked Eric if he's ever fucked his bed in a hotel. Eric said he wasn't going to say anything about that. Howard took that as a yes.
Howard asked Eric if he leaves a tip for the chamber maid then. Eric hung up on him. Howard asked the guys in the room about his nose and if they thought it was nice. Most of the guys said it was fine but Artie said that it looked like he was slapped a yarmulke, a reference to something Jaime Presley said about Howard years ago.
Artie said he likes when Eric gets mad like that. Fred said that Eric looked extra blotchy today. Howard told the guys to get him back on the phone so he can talk to him about the Kimmel thing. If he doesn't get back on the phone he's going to have him banned from the Kimmel show. Fred said that he thinks that he could get him banned from the WWE as well.
Gary said that he can't get back to him because he doesn't have a phone number for him. Howard said that he has to call in within one minute or he's going to have him banned from Kimmel. Howard figured that his fans would give him the message for him since Gary couldn't get back to him.
Howard read the article where they talk about Ed McMahon's money problems and how he was worth $200 million at one point in his life. He had some lawsuits and things like that which didn't help him out. Robin said that it sounded like his bank account was in negative equity.
Howard said that really sucks for Ed. He read that he defaulted on his mortgage and was $640,000 in the rears. He had to cut himself off when Eric called back in.
Howard said that he's going to allow Eric to keep going to Jimmy's show since he called in. Eric said ''Gee, thank you.'' Howard said that he was going to allow him to keep that since he called in. Eric asked why he wanted him to call back if he was bored by him. Howard said he wanted to know more about the beating off into the sheets.
Howard asked Eric if he tips the chamber maid. Eric didn't know why he'd tip them. He said ''For what!?'' when he was asked about it. Howard told Eric that those people work really hard when they do that job. Eric said that he does leave money for waitresses but not for the chamber maid. Howard said that he should tip them but he knew that he didn't.
Eric said that he tips 15 percent on his meals. Howard asked if he gives the guy who brings up his bags to his room. Eric said they bring their own bags up. Howard figured that Eric had to have beaten off into the sheets at some point. Eric said that the only marks he leaves are tire marks from his chair.
Howard asked Eric if he has ever beaten off in his room. Eric said he hasn't but Robin said he had to have. Eric said that Robin is an ''annoying, cackling bitch.'' Howard let Eric go a short time later. He gave him a ''Bye for now.'' Artie said that he's an annoying little fuck.
Howard got back to the Ed McMahon story and read some more of his nightmares. Ed has been out of the work for about 18 months since breaking his neck. He's been trying to sell his house but no one wants to buy into it with Britney Spears living nearby.
Andrea said that they're all crazy there and things were weird for her yesterday up there. Howard asked her how much acid she's on. Andrea just laughed. She said that she's doing blotter acid. Andrea tried to tell the story about Wal-Mart again and how a bunch of cops showed up. Howard cut her off and told her to come in like that and maybe go lay down right now. He hung up on her after that.
Howard talked about how messed up acid can be. That led to them talking about how Big Foot admitted to have used battery acid instead of the drug acid. He said he listened to the replay and thought that Big Foot was really funny. The guys talked about how angry Big Foot got with Artie yesterday and how funny that was.
After the replay Howard said he could listen to that all day long. Robin said that song really makes her feel something. Howard said he feels the same way. He said that she's a great artist. He said he doesn't know what the song means though.
Howard said he was listening to the Doors singing ''Love me two times'' and not knowing what the hell he's talking about. He figured it was about banging a chick twice. Fred said that's exactly what it was. Howard and Fred did their impression of that song and made fun of how simple it was.
Artie wondered what that guy would look like today if he was still alive. Fred said he'd probably look like Big Foot. They played the song and Howard said that he was never able to get into The Doors. He said that it just didn't do anything for him.
Howard mentioned some other bands that he didn't like. He mentioned 38 Special and some offshoot of the Grateful Dead and a couple of others. Then he asked about the Lizard King song that the Doors had. Fred didn't know which song that was.
The guys talked about the Grateful Dead and how Robin went to a concert one time and just made out with her date the whole night. Howard asked how far that guy got with her that night. He wondered if he got a finger in her that night. Robin sounded surprised by that. Howard asked if she likes when a guy puts a finger in there. Robin said it all depends on how it's done. She said it's all good as long as it's done the right way.
Howard asked if it's good to hook your finger in there to get to the G-spot. Robin said that can be good. That led to the guys talking about penises and how some guys have hook-dick. That led to Howard talking about this kid who wanted him to jerk him off in 2nd grade. He said that kid had a big, hook-dick.
Howard said that he had another experience where a friend wanted him to jerk him off when they were in high school. He said that he told the guy he was nuts and went to bed. He said he got creeped out by that. Howard said that was a friend of his but he thinks that was the last time he saw him.
Howard said that Big Foot claims that he was raped and he can't imagine who would rape that guy. He said that he's pretty big and scary.
Howard said that Beth came out right before he was leaving for Long Island yesterday and he wanted to fuck her because she looked so hot. He said that she was on her way out to talk to the wedding dress maker. He said that they're going to be working on the list for the wedding this weekend. He said that Robin will definitely be there but Fred was cut. He was thought of though.
Howard said that Fred has been with him for over 30 years and he had to cut him. He was kidding of course. He told Fred that if Jimmy Kimmel dies then Fred will make it on the list.
Howard said he wanted to go home and bang Beth last night but he was tired and she was tired and then she told him that he was all sweaty so nothing happened.
Howard said that he's looking forward to getting married. Robin said that it seems like he's finally switched over and now he's happy about that whole thing. Howard said that he's gotten gay about that stuff. Fred played the Iron Sheik ''You are gay and faggot'' clip while they were talking about that stuff.
Howard said he recorded the MTV Movie awards and he got douche chills from some stuff they were doing on there. Artie said that they try too hard to be hip and it just doesn't work.
Howard had a clip of Will Ferrell doing a bit with some other guy and he thought it was really lame. He said they were pretending that they didn't know how to read. He played the clip and that led to them talking about the other phony shit that happens during these award shows. They talked about how Ben Stiller always ends up in a fake fight with someone at the shows.
Howard said that Will Smith came out with Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron and Will pretends to be mad at Jason Bateman. He played that clip and Will is way too loud and yelling into the microphone. Will tries to get the audience hyped up and has them chanting with him. Then Bateman tries to do something similar where he was about to have the audience chanting ''cock'' to help promote their movie ''Hancock.'' Will cuts him off and pretends to be mad at him and thinks he was out of line with that.
Howard said that was one fake fight during the show. Then there was Lindsay Lohan and Diddy who got into another fake fight. He said that they give them the lamest shit to do at these shows. Howard played that clip and explained what was going on there. Vern Troyer was there as well but he only got to say a few words.
Artie said that you want to punch the TV when you see that fake stuff at those shows. He said they have to get a new bit.
Howard said that one of his fans saw Mary on some show being interviewed and they left out her Private Parts performance so the guy said that he'll never watch her show because of that.
Jeff asked Howard who his favorite game show host was. Howard said that his number one was Bill Cullen because he had polio but you never knew it. He said that Gene Rayburn was great too with that long microphone. He said that Bob Barker kind of scared him. Fred said that Monty Hall was great too.
The guys threw out some other names like Bob Eubanks and Groucho Marx. Howard said that Groucho was brilliant and if he were gay, he'd blow him. Artie said that people do say that he was the wittiest guy out there.
Howard said that he did a bit on his channel 9 show where he played ''Houcho.'' He said he thought that was one of his best bits ever. He said he loved doing that bit too and would have done it every week if he could have.
Howard said that they did a bit where he played Madonna on that channel 9 show. He said that was really funny. He said that when he played Clarence Thomas that was funny. He also played Ted Kennedy with a chick blowing him under the table.
Jon Hein said that they're working on a special where they'll have a lot of the game shows that they've done on the show. They're going to do a Game Show week.
Howard said that one of the best sketches they ever did was the Gilligan's Island bit where they ate the skipper. They also did a MASH special. They also had their Christmas Special delayed for 3 weeks because of the content. They had Cheech and Chong on for that. They put it off because the people at WWOR refused to put it on during Christmas time. It did end up airing but it was in like June.
Howard said he played ''Helen Stern'' and interviewed Toula the transsexual. He also did a bit where he put on a huge afro and did a show called ''Black Folks Who Look Like White Folks'' with Sabrina Lebouf from the Cosby Show.
They talked about Denny Terrio coming on and Howard dressed up like Merv Griffen and reenacted a rape scene with Gary. Gary said that they'd get guests there and disconnect the TV so the guests couldn't see them rehearsing. The guests would have no idea what they were in for.
Howard had Ted the Janitor and Janie the Cleaning Lady playing his parents. Gary said they also goofed on Zsa Zsa Gabor when they told her that Fred the Elephant Boy was their Korean director.
Jeff said that he had an idea for them. He said ''Dial-a-Date with Jeff the Drunk.'' Artie knew that Jeff was going to ruin his call with something. Howard told Jeff he had to go and hung up on him.
Howard talked about a Star Trek bit that they were doing and how they had Nichele Nichols back out of doing that. He said that they just went out and found a homeless woman to play her part instead.
Howard said that he loved doing the Hollyweird Squares show and Underdog Lady freaked out and got all pissed at them. Artie remembered the way she denounced her award and got all freaked out by the whole thing.
Howard said that his docking station attacked him last night and he fucked up his toe. He said he pulled his clothes out and the docking station fell on his toe. He said he started to wonder why he had the docking station there to begin with. He said that there's always something on him that hurts. It's either his throat or a docking station dropped on his foot. He said ''I suck...''
Howard said that he has so little fun in his life that he doesn't even fuck chicks in his dreams. He said that he's never fucked a girl in his dreams.
Howard played a Fred the Elephant Boy prank call where he was pretending to be a Korean shop owner trying to get to know his neighbors. He went to break after that.
Howard talked about how great Stevie Wonder is and wondered who else has been able to stick with an audience for so long. He said that Madonna might be the only one. They spent a short time talking about that and played some more of Stevie Wonder's songs. Howard's favorite album was ''Talking Book'' so Fred played some more tracks off of that.
Howard said that Ivy Supersonic was on the phone crying. He heard that she has to go to jail. Ivy was on the line and said that her father died and that was enough for her. She went into her whole story but Howard had to cut her off because she was making some accusations that he didn't want on the air. He said that he doesn't know the people who she was talking about.
Ivy said that she has to go to jail because this guy is saying that she harassed him. Ivy said that if she goes to the 13th Precinct by herself she's going to have to get locked up in a cell all alone. She needs a lawyer by 3 o'clock today.
Howard asked Benjy why he isn't dating her anymore. Benjy said that they had a great couple of weeks. Howard asked Ivy what went wrong there. Ivy said that she's not mad at Benjy but she's mad at her step family for robbing her.
Benjy said that he saw her dad's will and he suggested that she speak to a lawyer. He said that the thing to do is to talk to a lawyer and let him handle it. Robin said that Ivy's problem is that her father had more than one family. That's how the will was worked out and that's why she didn't get the money that she's talking about.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that Ivy could crash at his place. He said that she could hide out over there. Ivy didn't seem interested in that because she has to turn herself in by 3 today. Ivy sounded like she was crying as she was asking for a lawyer. She said she didn't have any money to pay for one though.
Eric said that he knows some lawyers and he might be able to help her out. Ivy knows lawyers too but she doesn't have money to pay them with. She said that she can't even eat because she has so little money.
Howard asked Ivy if she would have sex with Eric if he found her some money for the lawyer. She said that she wouldn't do that.
Ivy said that she needs Benjy to help her out. Benjy is involved with her once again. Benjy asked her if she has a warrant out for her arrest or something. She said that she was told that she was told to come in by her lawyer. She said that if she doesn't pay her lawyer, he's not going to be able to help her and she'll have to go to jail.
Howard told Ivy that she has to get a job and then she'll be able to pay people. Benjy told Ivy to listen to what the police have to say and just do it. He told her to just stop doing everything and ask if they can drop the charges if her lawyers can handle it. Ivy asked if she could get some help with the money. She said she can pay it back with interest if someone helps her out. Artie said that he'd help her out for 3 points of interest.
Ivy said that she needs $5,000 today by 3 to get out of this. Benjy said that she'll just be arraigned today if anything.
Howard had Dominic Barbara on the phone. Dominic said that they'll just give her a ticket if she turns herself in today. It wasn't a felony so she should be okay. Dominic said that if she behaves herself they won't lock her up. Howard said that those poor cops would have to listen to Ivy all day long if they locked her up there.
Dominic said that he got 400 e-mails from Ivy after trying to help her out the last time. Dominic said she has to have at least 100 bucks. Ivy said that she doesn't even have that much.
Benjy said that if she can do it before 1 o'clock then he'll go down there with her. Ivy said that she would do that. She asked Howard to come down with him. Howard said that it would be funny if Benjy got locked up today. Howard told Ivy to call Benjy off the air and work it all out.
Lisa said they have a story about Teddy going back out on the road with Artie just 2 months after they had their big blow out. She said they spoke to Wolfie who has enjoyed goofing on Gary lately. Shuli spoke to him about the goofing.
Howard said that Gary's head looks huge today and it looks like he's gained weight. Gary said he actually just lost 15 pounds but he got a hair cut so maybe that's why he looks the way he does. Howard said that it shows off his lips and teeth.
Howard said that the caller was kind of mumble mouthed and he had a strange echo on his phone. Howard said that he had to hang up on him because of that echo.
Gary said that they actually turned Will down 3 times before they hired him as an intern. Gary said that they used to turn down some people like one guy who put his feet up on the desk while he was being interviewed.
Howard said that you have to come in with a serious resume and say you're going to work hard and you'll get hired. He said it's pretty simple. Gary said that they've had people come in and say that they want to meet celebrities and take pictures with them so they have to turn those down. Gary said he thinks that people think they have to act wacky to get hired but they really don't.
Howard said that he dated another girl who was kind of ugly and looked like a bus had hit her. He said that he didn't even know how bad looking she was at the time. Artie said that he dated a chick who would have looked better if she had been hit by a bus.
Howard said that he had another girl that was really ugly and she was showing him off to her friends to show that she could get a guy. He said that her friends were laughing at him for banging her. He was so ashamed by that. He said that she was like a monster. He said that she was a real mess but she had a great body. He said he knows he was wrong to do it.
Artie said that he used to go out to a diner near the Holland Tunnel and some of the regulars in there were really bad. He said that he met this one chick who was heavy and kind of ugly. He said he was kind of flying on blow that day. He said that she even had a little bit of a moustache. Howard said he did a chick with a moustache too. He said that she bleached it though. He said she actually looked good with a moustache.
Artie said that if you take the right amount of coke you can bang good and you get really horny. He said that's the way he was that day. He took this chick out in his mother's car and did some coke together and then they got in the back seat and she took her top down. He said that he was concentrating on her tits a lot and she was searching for something on him to look at too.
Howard said that he remembered banging one chick that he couldn't stand. He said that he had to look at her foot or her hip, everything else about her was repulsive. He said that she was a big mess and her disgusting belly would turn him off. He said that he doesn't wear glasses in bed so he can't see anything.
The caller asked Artie how he can get a hard on if he's on blow. Artie said that it has to be the right amount.
Howard got to the prank call he wanted to replay. It was the Sal and Richard call where they goofed on a guy who buys and sells used scooters. Howard said he likes that character, Ethel, that Richard does. He also liked how the cops were shooting a machine gun in that call. He said they should have that call animated. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said he had a clip of a coach having a tirade during a press conference last night. He played the clip that was bleeped. He said that he likes that the reporters stayed quiet during that.
Bobo called in and asked Howard who he'd have as his best man at his wedding. Howard said that he's not having a best man at his wedding. He said he doesn't believe in that.
Howard thanked Bobo but Bobo had more questions. Howard spent a minute talking about his first wedding and how Dr. Lou was his best man back then.
Bobo asked if Beth is going to take the Stern name or keep Ostrosky. Howard said that she'd be a fool not to take that Stern name. He said that it's much easier to say than Ostrosky. Howard said that he thinks that she'd love to have his name but Robin thinks that this is kind of pushing her to take the name.
Bobo asked if he's going to have Lisa G or Steve Langford cover the wedding. Howard said he's not going to have either. He changed his mind a short time later after Robin said that he created that team just for stuff like that.
Another caller asked Howard about ''Lars and the Real Girl'' and why he said it was good. The guy said that he didn't like it. Howard said this guy sounds drunk to him. He said he thought it was a great movie. The caller said that he'd like to have Fred, Robin and Gary do something. Howard asked him what he's on because he sounds really out of it. The guy said he had been on hold for 2 hours and he was drinking some Baccardi.
Howard asked the guy to finish up what he had to say. The guy asked if Howard would order the guys to watch that movie. Howard said that he can't order them to but Fred said that he would watch it tonight.
Howard said that this guy has a drinking problem if he's drunk at 8 in the morning. He said that he's drunk as a skunk. The guy said he was on the phone for 2 hours.
Howard and Robin were goofing on the guy asking him how many hours he had been on the phone since he kept mentioning it. The guy kept saying it was 20 hours so he had been on for 2 hours and 20 minutes. Howard asked him to figure out exactly how long he had been on. He changed it to 2 hours and 15 minutes. He said he started dialing at 6 o'clock.
Howard said that Canada is on the same time zone as they are so he's drinking at 8 in the morning. The guy kept changing the time he got on the line. At first it was 6:05 but then it changed to 6:10. The guy said that he's been waiting 2 hours for Howard to pick up. Howard told the guy he really had to go and hung up on him.
Howard said that the new episode of the Bowling Beauties special on Howard TV is airing today. His paperwork said ''tomorrow'' but it was actually today and no one bothered to change the wording. That led to Howard goofing on Doug about his drama queen behavior. He said that drama queen is the right description for him. He said that Jason was the one who mentioned that yesterday on the Wrap Up Show. He's the only one around there with balls lately.
Howard played some audio of Mary talking about him on a local CW news show. She said that Howard always treats her well and she was going to get dressed in some sluttier outfit for him today.
Artie said that he remembers busting Mary's balls on the show one time and he's not sure if she likes him or not. He said that it was a weird thing where he did the voice of her husband or something and it really pissed her off.
Howard said that Mary was there so they were going to take a break first. He had some new messages from Richard's father to play though. He said that he finds the calls to be really sweet and he likes to hear them.
Ronnie came in and said that he thinks that Mary had her boobs done, her nose and her lips. He said that she looks great and awesome but he thinks she had work done. Howard said he can't imagine her having her lips done.
Howard said that he went out with Mary the other night and he didn't notice any work done. Ronnie said that it sure looks like she did to him.
Howard played the voice mails that Richard's father left for him. Mr. Christy told Richard about going out to eat at Taco Tico and told him what he had to eat there. Howard played another one where Mr. Christy talked about the storm they had out there and how they had a fatality there. It was a big rat that was killed by a branch falling from a tree.
A caller said that he thinks that Mary is finer than hell and he'd eat potato salad out of her ass. Howard said that maybe he'd do that. He figured it would be some good salad. He wasn't sure how it would taste at this time of the year.
Mary McCormack came in a short time later. Howard asked why her voice was so hoarse. She said that it's from doing the play that she's doing. Mary said that she didn't have her breasts done either and said she had some cutlets in her bra.
Mary said that she hasn't had her lips done but she's thinking about doing them because she has smoker's lines on them from when she used to smoke.
Howard said that Artie thinks that she hates him. Mary told Artie that she likes him and doesn't hate him at all. She said she's a big fan.
Howard talked about how Mary's husband is actually doing very well for himself with that ''Brothers and Sisters''' show that he has going on now. He figured that Mary's husband is probably doing better than she is.
Mary said that she knows that her voice isn't very good today and she knows that Howard must hate it. Howard said it was pretty rough. He said that he's not going to be able to have her on the show in about a year when she turns 40. She's 39 but she admitted she sounded 68 today.
Howard said that Mary is nominated for a Tony award and he thinks that she deserves it because she's great in this play she's in. He said that she's hysterical in the play. Robin said that she is good but she is up against a bunch of other great actresses.
Howard said that he wanted to hang himself when Mary asked him to go to the play. He said he hates going to shows like that but he had to do it for Mary, she's his wife (from Private Parts).
Howard asked Mary if she regrets that she didn't get him back then when they shot the movie. She said that its' very difficult to see him with Beth. Howard said that he wouldn't have been able to date his movie wife. He said that would have been like Crocodile Dundee who dated the woman he was in a movie with.
Howard said he thinks that Beth isn't good enough for him. Mary said that she actually thinks that he was lucky to get her. Mary said that she's funny and smart and being that good looking she has no right to have both of those things.
Mary said that she's not against getting implants but she wants to have another baby. She said that she has to do things in order and she doesn't want to get the implants yet. Howard told her not to have another baby.
Howard said that he's kind of upset that Mary refused to get topless in his movie but she gets topless in this show she's doing. Mary thought she took her top off in the movie but Howard assured her that she didn't. Howard said she insisted on keeping her top on.
Howard said that Mary does a bedroom scene and you see her back and some side boobage. Mary said that it's hardly anything. Howard asked if she put something over her nips in the scene. She said that she just covered up with her hands when she's sit up. Howard said that Mary told him that he was looking good the other night when they were out. He knows that he's not good looking but he appreciates that anyway.
Howard said that he read that when Mary started her new show she had just had her second baby so she was working out like mad to lose the weight. Mary said that the baby was in the gym with her when she was working out. Howard said that they wanted Mary so badly that they waited for her to go through with the pregnancy.
Howard said that Mary was hired on West Wing and then she got pregnant. Mary said that she didn't even know she was pregnant when she got hired. She came clean with them and told them they could let her go if they wanted.
Howard said that they hired Mary to be hot and didn't hire some fatso. Mary said that she gained so much weight with that one that even her OB/GYN gave her a whistle as if she had gotten really big.
Howard said that he likes this new show that Mary is on called ''In Plain Sight'' and said that it's getting some good ratings. He said he saw the pilot and the second episode and it's even better in the second episode. Howard said that there are no U.S. Marshals who look as good as Mary. Mary told him that she's sure there are and they're probably even hotter.
Mary said that she's making more money on this show than she was on any other show. The new show is on USA so Howard figured that she wouldn't be making that much. Artie said that USA is owned by NBC now and he figured that Mary is probably making 40-50 grand per episode. The guys figured it had to be more than that. Artie raised it up to 80 grand. Mary said that she thinks that it's over 80 but just a little over. Howard said that he should have married her.
Artie said that he got in trouble for mentioning how much money he was making on the Norm Show. He said that people were upset about that.
Howard said that he figured that Mary was making 80,000 per episode so he wanted to figure out how much that was for 13 episodes. He said he couldn't do the 13 x 80,000 so he went with 10 x 80,000. Robin told Howard she's making about a million per season.
Howard talked to Mary about her husband for a short time. He also asked about working with Gina Gershon and if she hates her. Mary said that she doesn't think that Gina hates her. Howard said that he likes Gina a lot and he's hung out with her. He asked if Mary has ever heard her banging Bill Clinton. Mary said that Gina sends her best.
Howard said that when he went to see Mary in that show of hers, he saw Glenn Close, Merryl Streep and Misha Barton all there. Mary said that the only one she saw there that night was Howard.
Howard told Mary he had some tape of Gina Gershon and Bill Clinton together and played a porn clip where the people were calling each other Gina and Bill. Howard said that it sounds like Gina is very passionate. Howard said that it wasn't really Gina Gershon and said that so people like Dolly Parton would know that it was just a goof.
Mary kept telling Howard that he could feel her boobs if he wanted to. She said that her boobs needed those cutlets in her bra though. She said that her nipples had changed shape after nursing two kids. She said that they're still great.
Howard gave Mary a plug for her show ''In Plain Sight'' and said that it's on the USA network. They have a bunch of other great shows on that channel according to Mary. She said that they're doing really well with the show too.
Howard asked Mary how she keeps her marriage going when her husband is in L.A. and she's in New Mexico. She said that it's tough. She said that they do see each other on the weekends. She said that they'll do it at least once a weekend. She said that they do it at least every weekend. Howard didn't believe that. Mary told him to have him on the show and ask. Howard said he's not that interested.
Howard gave Mary a plug for her play ''Boeing-Boeing'' as well. He said you can go to BoeingOnBroadway.com for tickets.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Mary was wearing panties and if she likes anal. Mary said that she actually wasn't wearing panties today. Howard sounded surprised by that. He asked if she's shaved down there. She said that she's not so Howard told her that she would be if she were with him.
Howard said that Mary isn't into anal and she's talked to him about that before. Howard said that he's done anal a few times and he doesn't want to do it because he's afraid that there's a turd back there. Mary said that's why she doesn't want to do it too.
Mary said that she actually forgot her panties today and that's why she didn't have them on. She didn't plan it that way.
Bobo called in and asked Mary if she had any sex dreams about Howard. Mary said that she had. She said she didn't remember the details though. Howard told Bobo that he had a sex dream about him. He said he takes his toupee off during that dream.
Bobo asked Mary if she would ride the Sybian. Mary said yes but she had no idea what it was. Howard told her it was a giant vibrator.
The guys mentioned that Mary was up against Laurie Metcalf for the Tony award and Artie said that he'd have to root for her instead of Mary. Artie said that Laurie is a good friend of his and he'd have to go for her instead of Mary. Mary said that she thought Artie was trying to make up with her and this wasn't helping.
Jeff the Drunk asked Mary if she had a part in the play for him. Howard told him no and hung up. Another caller asked Mary if she swallows because it could be good for her throat. Mary said that her father was listening and she couldn't answer. Howard said he can't think about his kids doing stuff like that. He said he hopes that they spit that out and never put that meat stick in their mouths.
Artie went into his impression of Robin's father, as Ham Hands Bill would do it, and goofed around with that a little bit.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Mary if she's ever had a ''chili dog'' from a guy. Howard didn't know what that was and hung up on the guy.
Howard told Mary that he likes her co-star in her TV show and asked a couple of questions about her. He asked Mary if she'd have another woman in bed with her. She said she's not really against it but she doesn't do that.
Another caller asked Mary if she was from Plainfield, New Jersey. Mary said that she was so the caller told Howard that Plainfield is just as bad as Roosevelt. Mary said that it is pretty tough there. Artie agreed because he was from Union which wasn't that far.
Mary said that she went to private school after catholic school so she didn't go to the public schools there. Artie told her that he's almost the same age as her. Mary sounded shocked by that. Artie said that he's 40 and Mary is 39 so they're not far off. Artie said that he just looks bad compared to her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worked with Mary on a movie called ''Mystery Alaska'' and she was a bitch. Howard said that he doesn't believe that at all. He said that she goes out of her way to be friendly with the crew. He said that she'll take a guy out to dinner if he works on her house. The guy ended up throwing in a plug for HowardShrine.com at the end of his call.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Mary how big of a fan she is. Mary said that she has a guy with her today who has been a fan for a long time and used to call in. She said that Howard and the guys used to try and figure out if he was a little kid or a girl calling in.
Howard gave Mary some plugs for her shows and went over what ''Boeing-Boeing'' was all about. He said that Mary gets some big laughs in the show too. He told her she looks spectacular today too. He said that she looks good, her dress looks good, her feet with the shoes... He said that she's usually 5'8'' tall and with those heels she must be like 6'2'' tall. He said he's going to give her a big hug and kiss when she leaves so he can see what that's like. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he heard that Gary's wife makes dinner for the kids first and then serves Gary. Gary said that his wife thinks that it's selfish for grown ups to eat before the kids. Robin thought that sounded odd. Fred said that they eat simultaneously. Gary said that he gets shot down for certain chicken parts when they have chicken. The kids like the same stuff so they get the first choice. Howard told Gary that's just wrong and he should sit her down and tell her that he's the one making the money so it should be his choice.
Howard told Gary he should eat what he wants and leave the rest for the kids. Howard said that the kids can start picking when they start paying the bills. Gary said that he does get to pick the TV he wants to watch.
Howard couldn't believe that Gary wasn't getting to pick the food he wanted. Robin said that her father always got first choice and then it went by age down to the youngest.
Howard said that his mother used to love giving him the food he wanted and she didn't mind doing whatever he needed her to do.
Gary said he went to a party one time and the guy would just sit down while his wife worked hard in the kitchen and then he'd have her get up to get the butter and stuff like that.
Artie said that his wife, who is probably 11 right now, is never going to need a watch because she'll be in the kitchen with a clock right above her head. Gary and Howard said that Artie talks a good game but he never did that with Dana. The guys took that back when they talked about how Artie had her walking down the street getting him cigarettes while he drove beside her.
Steve said that they also have a story about Doug Goodstein threatening to show the Rainbow Room show that Fred asked not to have played again. Fred said that shows that Doug is an Indian giver and he's being treated worse than Osama bin Laden.
Steve said that they have a story about attorney, and enemy of the Stern Show, Jack Thompson and how he's being disbarred. They also have a story about Pete Green's show and have seen some pictures from when Howard used to do that show.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff that they'd be covering today.
Howard said that he got the resume of that kid who called in earlier. He read through the resume and now he sees why he didn't get hired. It was all a goof. Howard said that he knew that he must have had a goofy resume like that. Artie said that he's never even written a resume but even he knew it was shit.
Howard had Mutt on the phone to preview the Superfan Roundtable show. Mutt ran down some of the subjects they were planning on covering tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Here's the word from the Howard TV people:
OPEN CASTING CALL FOR ‘BEAT The BOOEY’ GAME SHOW
Do you think you know everything there is to know about the Howard Stern Show? Think you know more than long-time show producer Gary Dell'Abate? If so, we want you to "Beat the Booey" in an all new game show coming soon to Howard TV On Demand. Test your knowledge against other Stern show super fans for a chance to face-off against Gary 'Baba Booey' Dell'Abate and a shot at $5,000!
Anyone 18 years or older who is interested in being a contestant should come down and audition.
When: Thursday, June 12th from 11am – 2pm
Where: 80 Carmine Street at the corner of Varick Street in New York City.
Please bring proof of age (state-issued ID or driver's license.) If chosen to compete, contestants must be available Friday, July 18th for the entire day.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of her theme songs. She started off with a story about Kelsey Grammer's heart attack.
Howard mentioned some of the guests they had coming up next week like Darryl Strawberry and Alanis Morissette. Robin said she can't wait to talk to Alanis next week.
Robin read some news about Ed McMahon being broke and a story about a lesbian couple that was asked to stop kissing at a baseball game in Seattle.
The guys talked about the lesbian story for a minute and then Mariann from Brooklyn called in about Gary being treated the way he is at home. Howard said that he doesn't get why Gary is treated like that and why he puts up with it. Robin figured he must have been bothered by that and that's why he brought it up. Gary said that he's not the only one in that situation.
Gary said that he was at a movie and saw a couple of lesbians making out at the Iron Man movie. He said that his kids were kind of embarrassed by it and so were their friends. He said that the kids aren't really into it at this point.
Gary had mentioned that his kid's friends had said ''Mr. Dell'Abate'' when they asked about the lesbian girls. Howard asked him if they really call him that and not ''Baba Booey.'' Gary said that they don't even know what Baba Booey is.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about young girls sending out naked pictures of themselves to other kids. Artie said that he got one like that on his phone. He said that it was on there for like 3 weeks but he deleted it. He said he was getting a little creeped out by how often he was looking at it. He said he had to erase it all.
Robin read a story about a couple of girls who had sent out nude pictures to their friends and that led to the friends showing them off to other people. She finished that story up and then Howard had to take a break, right around 10:05am.
After the break Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie's story about Harvey Korman was great the other day. Howard said that was funny and told the story wrong. The caller also asked what Artie's first joke was that got him laughs. Artie said that the first joke that got him laughs was one about drinking too much tequila and giving his doctor a urine sample with a worm in it. He said he used that joke for a long time after that.
Robin got back to her news and said that it's the 40th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination. She also said that the Triboro Bridge in New York is being renamed to the Robert F. Kennedy bridge.
Robin read some news about Ted Kennedy's brain operation and how he's back up on his feet already. Howard said that he was talking about how a lot of people just curl up in a ball and give up when they get cancer. Some people, like Kennedy, keep going and try to get through it. Howard said that he thinks he'd be one of those people who curls up into a ball if he got cancer.
Robin brought up a story about former Governor James McGreevy's divorce and what his wife is looking for in the divorce. She had some news about John McCain.
Howard played a clip of Regis Philbin talking to Kelly about how she was going to be hanging out with Howard. Robin read through some more news about Jenny McCarthy who was complaining about some of the stuff that are in children's vaccines. That led to the guys talking about how annoying she's become lately. Artie was talking about how he's getting his vaccines today and he's not looking forward to that.
Robin read a story about a show coming on CBS called ''Swingers.'' She had some clips of the actors talking about that and Howard thought they were making a good idea for a show sound pretty boring. Artie did an announcer voice and said ''Shittiest show ever... CBS Friday.''
Robin had some clips of Adam Sandler talking about his new movie ''You Don't Mess With The Zohan.'' She had some clips and news about some other movies too. She wrapped up a short time later. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Artie said that he has to go to lunch with a bunch of people that he doesn't even know. They were the winners of an auction and he's not sure if he has to pick up the tab or not. Gary said that usually he wouldn't and someone from the charity should pick up the tab.
Artie said that he heard about yesterday's show and how much animosity there was in there. That led to the guys talking about Doug and Jason's fight and some of the other stuff that was going on. Artie wondered if Jason and Doug are in the same place as Jason and Scott DePace. Jon told him that they weren't that bad.
Gary said that he was the first one to say that Doug was a drama queen yesterday. He said that the guys in the Howard TV room watch them in a way that's really different than other people do. They pick out the little things that they do like Artie biting his arm like he's eating it. Gary said that they could probably pick out weird stuff that he does all the time too.
Jon said that he found out they had a pool going for what sports team t-shirt he would wear the next day. Gary said that at K-Rock they'd have a camera that would come on just when he wanted to use it. Now they have one going constantly. They're always on camera there and it's kind of disconcerting.
Gary said that the TV guys could give a list of all of the weird things that they do there. They all have weird habits there.
Artie said that Will Ferrell told him that he and his wife were listening that morning and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Artie said that he just kept going that morning and he thinks he really annoyed her.
Gary said that there have been some great moments on the show with Artie. He mentioned a couple of bits he did and one of them was the day Lea Remini was on the show. Artie and Lea went off on each other that day. Artie said that she was being a cunt that day and she wouldn't let it go.
Benjy said that Lea really has a big chip on her shoulder and he remembered her asking people why they were looking at her as they walked by the green room.
Gary said that he heard stories about how they got Lea on the show when CBS higher ups called her and told her to get her ass on the show. Gary said that he had her booked for the show and she didn't show up. Gary said that she's funny and she gives him an attitude and jokes around with him.
The guys talked about Artie annoying Katherine Bell when she was on the show. Gary said that he might have to change his show to the best Artie moments instead of his favorite moments. Gary said that they pissed off Michele Rodriguez as well. Artie said he remembered that and how the callers were pissing her off.
Artie said that they found out that Katherine Bell was a Scientologist and they were goofing on her about that. Artie said that they were joking about how Scientologists believed in ghosts and whenever she would look at him he would say ''Boo!'' and it freaked her out.
Gary mentioned another segment where Artie goofed on Jillian Grace when she first got accepted to Playboy and made fun of her boyfriend. Artie said that he also goofed on Dixie Cupps the porn star. He was doing a whole thing about her young kid's friends coming over.
Jon brought up Mary McCormack again and played a clip from her interview. The guys ended up talking about some other people they've goofed on when they've come in. Artie had to get going around that time.
Gary said that he is the king of the TV in the house. His wife was never a big TV person though. He said that a lot of what he watches she doesn't like.
Gary said that Howard goofing on him about stuff like that used to get to him but no anymore. That led to the guys talking about how Howard used to give the ''don't get married'' speech to people on the show.
Another caller said that Gary is setting a dangerous precedent because he had something like that going on and the kid would refuse to eat if he ate first. Gary said that it's one thing to let the kids eat first and another to let them run the house.
The caller said that he used to have to answer ''yes sir'' when he was a kid and this kid of his won't do that. He said his wife thought he was overreacting to that stuff. He said that she stopped him from doing that. Gary said that the kid is going to tell him to go fuck himself if he doesn't have some discipline.
The caller said that he has a 7 year old who still sleeps in the bed with his mother. The guy said that they're expecting another child in December. He said that they had split up about a month ago but then they found out she was pregnant again.
Benjy said that he kind of agrees with the caller because if you know someone like that then you know what they may not want to talk about.
Jon asked Benjy what went on with Mary's boobs and what she took out of her shirt. Benjy told him about her taking one of the cutlets out of her shirt and how Howard told her to put it back in.
Gary said that he hasn't seen Mary's new show yet but he likes her a lot. Jon said that the pilot was good but by the third episode it's even better.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she just got Howard TV for the first time in her area and she likes to be able to put the faces with the voices. She said that High Pitch Mike looks like a serial killer. She said that he's frightening looking to her and she'd be scared if he was in the room with her. Gary asked her if she saw Eric the Midget. She said she did. She also talked about how Benjy was a little chubbier than she thought he was.
The caller said that she tuned in to see Artie attacking Teddy as her first show. She thought that Teddy was cute too.
Jon took another call and the woman said that she always puts her kid's dad first when she sits down to eat. She said that the kids have to respect the father and know that he's number one in the house. She said that the kids listen to their dad now that they're older because they know that he is so important. She thinks that's what Gary should be in his own house.
Gary said that he thinks that she might be over thinking it too much. He said that he and his family have a great relationship.
Another caller said that the woman might be right with some of her points. He said that there was a study done where they found that kids these days have to have fun all the time and the parents are giving that to them. Gary said that if you're old school and yell at some kid, kids will quit playing sports or anything like that. They also have trophy's for all kids who play sports and they don't have winners and losers anymore. Gary said that when you play t-ball they just say that the score is tied all the time.
Gary said that when you're 5 and 6 that's one thing. If they keep it up the older they get it doesn't make sense. He said that there are winners and losers in life and it's not clear why they're trying to hide that from kids these days.
Nikki went off on Gary for being so snotty about the way he says stuff on the show and how he gets Carson's Ribs all the time. Gary said that they send them to him because he does ads for them. He asked if she wants him to forward them to her. She said that would be fine, she lives right near the Carson's Ribs place. Gary said that Jon gets them too. Nikki asked if Jon is a Jew.
Nikki said that Teddy called her about the tickets and she knows where the place is but she can't get there. Shuli came in and told the guys she knows Nikki from Miserable Men because she calls in often. She once caught her husband trying to blow himself. Nikki said that he used to do that a lot.
Benjy asked Nikki what her disability is and why she can't move very well below the waist. She didn't want to say but Benjy kept asking.
A caller said that the reason they give trophies to all of the kids these days is because the parents want something out of the little league games. Gary and Jon talked about how the trophies used to mean something to the kids but now everyone gets them. The caller said that they have a participation trophy. His kid has gotten so used to getting them that he doesn't even keep them. Gary said that his son has thrown out a bunch because he has so many. He only keeps the ones that mean something to him. The caller said that it's all about the parents wanting the trophies.
Gary said that he just umpired the other day and his son got mad at him for calling him out because of strikes. He told him to never umpire again. Jon talked about umpiring and how he had to kick a parent out of the game because he wouldn't stop yelling stuff out the whole time. He had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary which of the reporters he would want to come to his house if he wanted. Gary said that he'd rather have Lisa there than Shuli or Steve Langford. Will said that he would pick Shuli over the others.
Gary said that Shuli would probably throw him under the bus for something. Shuli said that he's the most timid of the rest of the reporters too. He tries not to piss people off.
Jon and the guys moved on to talk about Howard's wedding excitement. They played a clip of Howard talking to Robin about it. Then Gary talked about how involved in his own wedding he was. He said that he went over a lot of the stuff that they did there.
Shuli said that they had some of Gary's wedding up on Howard TV for a while and it was great to see. He said that Ronnie had a mullet which was great. They also talked about Mike Gange having tons of hair that's all gone now. Will is planning his wedding and talked about some of the stuff he has to do to plan that all out.
Another caller said that he had a good F-Mary, Kill game for them. He mentioned Wendy the Retard, Buck Angel and Siobhan. Gary said that he would kill Buck Angel, Marry Wendy and fuck Siobhan. Then he said that he doesn't fuck men so he can't do two of those people. The guys mentioned that Buck Angel was a woman though so he could do her. Gary said that Siobhan would have to die then.
Jon had the guys talk about Eric the Midget after that. He wanted to play a clip of Eric calling in but Teddy was having some problems. They eventually got it to work and played the part where Eric hung up on Howard.
After playing the clip Jon took some calls. One guy said that he loves when Howard fucks with Eric. He said it makes his morning. He wants Howard to do a documentary about that little midget. Shuli told him that Eric would agree to do it but then he'd back out at the last minute.
Gary asked what the guys thought about Eric not tipping the chamber maid. Gary said that he obviously didn't know about that. He asked the guys what they do when they go out to hotels and stuff. The guys all said that they'll tip. Benjy said that he tips but not as much as Howard would. Gary said that the average is supposed to be like 5 bucks a night. He said that he tips wherever he goes but he could probably get away with not doing that.
Benjy said that he didn't know that you were supposed to tip a cab driver. He said that he does do that now. He said that he's had cab drivers try to run him over in the past because of his lack of a tip.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had a lot of stuff to go over with them. He said that they have a 24 hour channel there and wondered why they don't move the show to a different time of the day. He said that they could start the show at like 9 or 10 in the morning or something. Gary said that they've talked about that and they may change it at some point. Benjy suggested that they try it out this summer.
Jon had Chuck Harmeyer, JD's dad, on the phone. He was looking for some Carson's ribs. He said he had some suggestions for Gary getting more chicken legs if he doesn't have enough after the kids get done. Gary said it wasn't about the amount of food. They just don't want to cook too much.
Chuck said that he saw Benjy on TV the other day and told the guys about that. He was also telling Benjy about some other funny stuff he's done on the show. He said that Benjy is really growing on him.
Chuck told JD that his aunt wants to come out and see him in Chicago when he's out there. He gave the guys a horn honk from his truck as he was saying goodbye.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked who they think is the most successful Wack Packer on the show. Gary said that he thinks that maybe Beetlejuice because he works a lot. The guys brought up some other people like High Pitch Eric and Crackhead Bob and others. They didn't have a definitive answer for the guy though.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thought that Jon was much nerdier than she thought he was going to be when she saw him on TV. The woman earlier said that she found him less nerdy than she thought he was going to be. Jon had to end the show a short time later.