Howard started off the show talking about how a lot of people think that Barack Obabma is a Muslim. Robin wondered if people think he's really going to get into office and take over the country like the Taliban. Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression and talked about him doing just that. Robin said that Barack's pastor has said some stuff about him that's kind of odd. Howard continued to do the Kennedy impression on his megaphone for a couple of minutes.
Robin gave Howard some material to use in his goofing. She threw out a couple of facts for him to use in that bit. Howard threw some stuff out there that wasn't true while he was doing the Kennedy impression. Robin asked if he knows what the Taliban did to Afghanistan did when they took over. ''Ted'' said he didn't so Robin told him about some of the stuff they did like knocking down and destroying every major statue and monument over there because they have to honor no one but God.
Artie threw in some of his own Ted Kennedy impression into the discussion. Howard kept up with his impression and had a conversation with Robin about Barack. He said he thought he'd just weigh in and god knows he weighs a ton. He said that when Barack becomes President, he will put a turban on Lincoln's head.
Howard, finally out of his impression, said that Barack hasn't grabbed this election nomination yet even though a lot of people think he has.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw a really hot black chick back stage at a show on Saturday night and it turned out to be Robin. Howard asked her how much weight she's actually lost. She said that it's 55 pounds. She said that's like losing a kid. She said that she's still working on losing more and she's going for that Skeletal, anorexic look. Howard told her to slim down like Jillian Grace. Robin said that's what she's going for. Howard said he wants to see her Bangladesh skinny.
The caller said that he was at a concert that Joe Perry was doing with his son. Robin said she knows the guy who put the show together and that's why she was there. She said that his son Adrian sings and it was a great show with Joe playing with them.
The caller said that he was blown away when he saw Robin there at the show. He said that he's been a huge fan of the show for years and it made his night.
Howard said that he was invited up to Joe Perry's house up in Vermont but he couldn't get himself up there. He said that he's not sure he wants to go all the way up there to go over to his house. He said that he loves Vermont but he's not sure if he can get himself up there.
The guys talked about Aerosmith and their song writing for a minute. That led to Howard reading a story about Van Halen cancelling the rest of their tour. Artie said that's a shame because everyone that he knows that saw the show loved it. Robin said she saw them perform back in November and they were great. Artie said that really sucks. He never got to see them.
Howard read the article about the cancellation and how they're just saying that it was postponed at first. Eddie may have turned up to some shows drunk and that might be one of the reasons for the cancellation. Howard said he feels bad for David Lee Roth because he needs that money. He said that he heard that Dave really does need it even though he got 8 million from K-Rock when they canceled his show.
Artie said he heard that Eddie took his son out on the road because he wasn't drinking but apparently that didn't last. Howard asked if that kid goes to school. Robin said he apparently doesn't and he can hang out with his dad.
Robin said that this company apparently launches out of Kazakhstan. Howard said that if this merger doesn't go through, they should attach some guns to it and shoot down the competition. Robin talked about how much crap gets shot up into space and how they actually did have to shoot one down recently so it wouldn't come crashing down on us.
Artie said that the satellites are very expensive and that they're each like $200 million. Howard said that you make that back up eventually. Artie asked when that happens, when you sign Oprah to a deal?
Howard wrapped up the Fred segment because he wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore about that. Howard took another call from a guy who wondered why Fred raises his hand when he wants to talk on the show. Howard said that's because he thinks he's in class. Fred said that he tries to get in instead of just talking over everyone. Howard said he appreciates that because it can get kind of noisy in there.
Howard played another Hate Man call where he went off on Robin and how she's dating Jim Florentine. He went on to brag about the size of his own knob that Robin could be sucking on instead of Jim's. He said that Robin is his monkey bastard and she'll always be his. He wished her a Happy Valentine's day during that rant too.
Howard said he had one more from the guy where he has an idea for a TV show. In that call Hate Man says that she needs to call up some of the black bitches from her past and maybe get about 12 of them to come over to her house and he'll show up and dance with them. He was throwing out the N-word and other racial slurs during the call.
Artie said that maybe Hate Man is trying to do a Lenny Bruce thing and use that N-word so much that it doesn't come across as being so harsh anymore. Howard played a song from 2 Live Crew about being ''face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck'' and said that was Hate Man's favorite song. He also played a prank call the guys made using some Hate Man audio clips. they called a phone sex line and had him yelling at the woman on the phone. She went right along with him and had no problem with him yelling out the N-word.
Artie said that's one of his favorite calls those guys made. Howard said that was one of Richard and Sal's great calls. He said that he heard that Richard has been going into a funk lately since he said something about one of his song parodies that didn't go over very well. He said that he just stopped one of his song parodies in the middle of it and said it wasn't that great and now Richard is all upset about it.
Gary said that Richard gets really upset when Howard doesn't play his stuff right away. He's afraid that he's not liking his stuff. He said that when Howard didn't play one of his songs last week, he came into his office and said that he had to talk with him.
Richard came in and said that he's thinking that Howard thinks that they're kind of insane and he won't play their stuff because they're too aggressive with the songs they write about Robin. Howard said that he likes a lot of their stuff and once in a while they have a clunker. He told Richard not to worry so much about it.
Howard wondered why he wants to talk to Gary about that stuff because that's not going to change his mind about their songs. Richard said that he and Sal just need to talk to people sometimes so they can get over that stuff. Howard told him just not to worry so much.
Artie told Richard that he's gotten into those funks himself and he knows what they're going through. Richard said he gets really bummed out when Howard doesn't play their stuff because he thinks that they're not doing their job.
Howard played the song parody that Richard got upset about last week. He had cut it off early, about 20 seconds in even though it was 3 minutes long. Howard said that the song just goes on and on too long. Richard said it's got a great ending. Howard said that he should get to it faster then.
Howard let the song play through and it was getting some laughs but Howard said it just goes on and on and on. Fred said that he typically loves Richard's songs and this wasn't one of his favorites. Fred said that there was another song that Richard did that he thinks that Howard may have cut off and told him to take off the board. Gary said that to Howard it's a frivolous thing but it can send Richard into a funk for a week.
Howard told Richard to just keep doing what he's doing because they're hitting about 70 percent. He said that's fine. He said that he heard he got upset when he kicked him out when he was talking about jerking off last week. Richard said that he did get bummed about that because he thought that he might be getting too gross for him.
Howard said that he had a new call from Sal and Richard where they call a woman as Elvis. He was going to play it but he wanted something fixed in it so he stopped it about 2 seconds in. He said that they did a call where they used some Jeff the Drunk audio clips and called someone using that. They had Jeff yelling out ''Jim!'' over and over again and called some guy by the name of Jim. Howard said it was kind of funny but it didn't really go anywhere. He played the call that was only 20 seconds long and said it was fine but he's not sure how many times he's supposed to play it.
Richard said that he and Sal just want him to know that they're working hard back there. Howard said he knows that but right now Dan the Song Parody Man is the one on a roll. They talked about how Mike Morse is also doing some great songs. Those two don't even bother them with an office there, they send in their work.
Howard said that he had another bit to play but he decided against it. Artie asked Richard why they get so bummed out if he doesn't play their bits. Howard played the song parody again and cut it off after a few seconds and said that's where it should have ended.
There was a call that Richard and Sal made using clips of Big Foot calling himself. Robin said she didn't like that one so Howard said he wasn't going to play that one. He said that he really likes it but Robin said that it just didn't hit her right. He tried to convince her that it was great but it just wasn't working for her. Howard played that call and laughed at it while it was playing. Robin wasn't laughing.
Howard read the article where they basically just rehash what he said on the show about John last week. Howard said that the article was actually kind of funny after reading it. He said that it probably didn't even need a publicist to bring it up to Page Six because it was so funny.
Howard said that the lead singer of the Dave Clark 5 died of pneumonia. He said that they looked just like the Beatles when they came out. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that and some other bands from back then. Howard said that he always thought that Dave Clark was the singer but it was actually this guy Mike Smith. He had some kind of accident where he injured his spinal cord when he fell off a fence so he was paralyzed for the past few years. Howard said that he would never do anything like climbing a fence.
Howard said that he got some e-mail about Gennifer Flowers' appearance last week. He read through some of that and people were wondering why he'd have her on the show. He said that if he was a Hillary Clinton backer he wouldn't have had her on. Howard said that he's not going to keep her off the show just because of that.
Howard brought up this Randi Wright chick that was on the show last week. There were some people who wrote in about her being a dog and how she really wasn't as hot as Howard and Artie were saying. Howard and Artie said that she was very good looking.
Howard said that one guy said that her tits looked like birthday balloons a month after the party. Howard said that might be the greatest line ever. He got a laugh out of it. He talked about some of the other feedback he got about her and said that he thought she was hot. Fred said that her tits were great but her eye make up was kind of fucked up. Artie said that she was hot. He said that her tits were beautiful.
Howard wondered if the Howard TV guys had that episode with her on it yet. Gary told him a short time later that the show was up. Howard seemed confused by the statement that Gary made so he goofed on him about that. He said that they might need an intercom in the Howard TV booth back there. Gary said that if he wants that to happen he can make it happen by tomorrow. Gary wasn't sure that Howard would want that access for them because then they could interrupt at any time.
Howard goofed on Gary for a few minutes and Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies. Fred also had a clip of Gary interrupting him over his intercom that he kept playing to throw off his flow.
Ronnie came in and talked about what Bubba does out there but he didn't have that much to say about it. He just said that Bubba emcee's part of the show and then Spice Boy emceed some of the show. He said that they had some jokes and they'd mess with the audience members and stuff like that.
Ronnie said that one of the fans is dying of cancer and he's going to be buried in a Bubba Army t-shirt so they were talking about that. Howard said he's not sure how he can fly out there like that. Ronnie said that he stayed out there at the Venetian and went out there with Jim McClure from SIRIUS. He wasn't sure why Howard was mad at him though.
Howard said that the other day he had to get somewhere and the driver didn't know how to get there. He said that he got mad at Ronnie for that because he's supposed to be there heading the operation. That led to the two of them going off on one another.
Ronnie told Howard that he should always have an address with him when he wants to go somewhere but Howard said that he doesn't need to carry it. He thinks that they should just know where he's going and know how to get there.
Ronnie talked about the places he went out to eat at and mentioned he was at Nobu. Howard said that Ronnie doesn't even like fish but he went to Nobu. Then they talked about Ronnie being at Rick's Cabaret the night before he went to Vegas. Ronnie asked Howard who was feeding him all of that information.
Howard said that no one was feeding him anything, he was told by someone before the show that he was at Rick's the other night. Ronnie said that JD has been living in strip clubs lately. He doesn't even have any money.
Gary said that JD admitted that he's been going to strip clubs before even coming to work. JD said that happened twice. He said that he's not going to them that often. JD said that he did go on a Thursday night before he had to go to work. He said that they treat him really well at the clubs because of who he is.
JD claimed that he only spends about $100 at those clubs but Ronnie said that he spent like $325. JD said that's what he was about to spend but Lonnie told him not to do it and put a stop to it. He said that he was having fun out there and Lonnie told him to just stay out there and not go to the VIP room.
Jason talked about this woman that was dancing for JD and how big she was. He said that she was fat and JD fell for her right away. He said that he had a look of love on his face and when she started to dance for him, JD disappeared like it was an eclipse.
Howard told JD that he shouldn't even know what a strip club looks like because he doesn't make enough money. The guys talked about some of the stuff that he was doing and how it was all kind of ''loserish'' to them. Artie said that JD should be going out to bars and talking to regular chicks there. Howard said that regular chicks don't talk to him though.
Howard heard that JD blew his whole tax return on a girl at some club he went to. JD said that he did that and it was a long walk home that night. Artie said that JD and Teddy will go out to a club when they go out on the road and JD will blow a ton of money every time. They were calling him Jamie and Howard said that he thought they got rid of that name. He doesn't even know Jamie, he only knows JD.
Ronnie told Howard that when he was out in Vegas he tipped a woman $100 for serving them at one of the places he went to. There was a guy on the phone saying that was bullshit and there's no way he did that. Ronnie called that guy a jealous mother fucker.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie is apiece of shit. Ronnie said that all of these people are like that. He said he was on the plane yesterday and said that a fan stopped him on the airplane and told him how great he was. Then he called him a fuckin jerk off when they got off the plane. He said all of the fans are like that.
Howard said he heard that JD likes to keep in touch with his strippers through Myspace. JD said that he does look for them on there. Gary said that he heard that JD was trying to find that chick who was in with Flo Rida on Myspace. Robin asked what he does if he does find them on there. JD said that he'll just say what's up. He said he hasn't really established a relationship with any of them on there.
The caller on the line was making noise and calling Howard an asshole but he didn't have a good explanation why he was doing that. Howard hung up on him after that.
Ronnie told Howard that Bubba is going to be doing a show in Atlantic City this July so they'll all have to go down there for that. He said that they do a lot of good stuff during the show they do. He talked about how 25 Cent will run around with a chain and collar on like he's a little monkey. He said that it's funny but Howard thought that sounded a little racist to him. Ronnie said that Ned does a bunch of parodies and stuff like that during the show too.
Ronnie said that they go for about 2 and a half hours but they have a 15 minute intermission. He said it was a lot of fun out there. They had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said that they'll have a story about an article (Did Howard Stern's sidekick go too far?) that was written about Artie and his use of the word ''fag.''
Howard said that he had to do something right then. He said that Sal thinks that tomorrow is election day so he wants to have him come in so they can ask him about that. He was isolated so he didn't hear him bring that up.
Lisa ran through some of the other stories that they're working on. They have one about one of the contestants from American Idol who thinks that Howard's support for Sanjaya last season was the reason he got kicked off.
Sal came in so Howard asked him who he's voting for tomorrow in the election. Sal said he's going to vote for McCain. He's going to register today. Howard told Sal that he's proud of him and asked him how he learned it was election day tomorrow. Sal said that he thought they were going to have the day off. He said that he saw on the news that it's coming down to the wire.
Sal said that he knew who was running for President. He said it was Barack, Hillary, McCain and Huckabee. Howard asked him who it is that's actually running for President. He ran down those names again and said the same thing.
Sal said that once the election happens they become President immediately. Howard told Sal that he's so proud that he wants to send Howard TV with him so they can see him register to vote and all of that. Sal didn't think they should do that because it's not that big of a deal.
Howard asked Sal who is going to be the Vice President in the election. Sal said that he thinks that they name them after they're elected. Sal said that he's picking McCain because Barack is a phony and they all know he's a phony. He said it has nothing to do with his race though.
Sal said that Hillary is a broad and you just can't trust women. He said it has nothing to do with his marriage that he's saying that though.
Sal gave some reasons for not voting for Huckabee, Hillary and Barack. He said that Huckabee's name is too goofy and we're already being made fun of around the world.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that Sal is this stupid. He said he's not sure that anyone can be that dopey. Howard hung up on him before he spoiled the secret. Another caller asked Sal if he wanted to issue another ''traction'' like he did one other time. Sal said that he knows that it's a ''retraction'' now.
Sal said that he's trying to prove that he can do something right now and then. That's why he's going to register to vote. Howard said he's very proud of him. Sal mentioned that he thought that tomorrow was going to be a day off so Artie said that they really should have off.
Sal said he thought he was smelling shit there and wondered if it really was election day tomorrow. Howard said that it was and they were just very proud of him for knowing that it's election day. He thought that the primaries had already happened and tomorrow was the ''secondary'' and final election. Howard let Sal go a short time later and said that they'll know tomorrow night who the new President is. He told Sal to make sure that he has the Howard TV crew go with him when he registers to vote.
Howard took some phone calls and some people goofed on Sal. One caller asked how Sal passed the test he took for the stockbroker job he had. Howard figured he had to have cheated.
The caller said that he's been getting his balls broken at work, as a cop, because of Howard supporting Hillary. He said that she doesn't do anything for the cops and they don't want her elected.
One caller asked Howard about that thing with Sal and if that was actually Beetlejuice doing an impression of Sal. He said that he has to go vote in the Secondary tomorrow. Howard left Sal hanging and didn't tell him that he was wrong about the whole thing.
Howard said that he was going to get to that but a caller said that he found a skull in his back yard. He took the call and let the guy talk about that. The guy said that he was trying to plant a tree but he found a human skull there in his backyard. He said that he couldn't go to the cops or anything because he thought his father might have something to do with it.
The caller went on to say that his father was involved in construction and he may have had something to do with that. Artie asked him what town he was in. The guy just went over the story again and said that he didn't want to say because he didn't want to get into trouble.
The caller said that his father was away for 6 months and he's afraid to bring it up to him because he's afraid that he'll end up in the back yard with that other skull. He said that one of their neighbors had a big bull mastiff dog that would shit on their yard and that guy vanished one day. He said that he just disappeared but no one was sure what happened to him. He said that was about the same time they had some new sod installed in the back yard. He said he's kind of putting 2 and 2 together now.
Howard asked the guy if he's reliant on his father and that's why he's afraid of telling anyone. He said that he's 27 and still lives at home so, yes, he is relying on his father. He said that he took the skull and threw it under his deck. He said that he took a picture of it and sent it to them too.
Artie told the guy to just leave the skull there and not bring it up again. Just keep playing in the band and keep it under wraps. Howard said that's fucked up when you suspect your father of something like that. The caller said that he's afraid that something could happen to him. Another caller said that this guy is a liar because you don't plant trees in the fall. The skull guy said that it was an all year round type of tree so it was being planted in the fall.
The guys asked the caller if he found any holes in the skull or anything. He said that he didn't look for anything like that. Another caller said that if the neighbor just disappeared then why wasn't it reported to the cops. Skull guy said that it was an older guy and no one is sure what happened to him. That guy wasn't buying his story either.
Artie told the guy that he has to have all of his bases covered if he calls in with a story like that. Another caller said that every backyard in New Jersey has a skull in it. He said that it's not a big surprise and he should just make a bong out of the skull.
Howard asked the guy what he wants him to say. He wondered if he wanted to know if he went to the cops or something. Howard told him he should but Artie told him not to. The guys found the picture of the skull that the guy had sent in and it was real. The guy, Chad, said he's not sure what to do now. Howard said that he's not sure what to tell him and wished him luck. He let him go a short time later. Howard said he thinks that he should go to the cops, even if it is his father who buried it there. Artie said that if he loves his father he shouldn't turn him in.
Howard took a call from Mutt who said that he didn't leave any bottles or porn in his room. He said he thought that the story was just something that Shuli made up. Shuli said that Mutt was on Miserable Men last night and he didn't deny the story though. He said that they found a bunch of porn magazines and they were really old ones.
Howard said that they're never going to get to the bottom of that and just wrapped up and moved on. He said he's not sure that anyone cares so he moved on.
Howard mentioned that Artie was going to be playing Fred in Win Fred's Money but he didn't have a chick there to get naked. they said that there has to be something that he can do if he loses. They said that maybe he should have to weigh in. Artie aid that wasn't a very big payoff though. Howard said that it's a big payoff for them. They thought about having him show his dick to Robin or something like that. He said that he couldn't do that because he's too close a friend with Jim Florentine.
Gary told Artie that there isn't any money involved in this either. He said that he's just going to play Fred for no reason. Fred said that Artie has an amazing memory and he thinks that he might have a chance at beating him. Artie said that he'd like to give a charity money or something.
Howard suggested that Robin and Lisa G have to make out if Artie loses. Fred said that if he loses then Lisa G and Robin have to make out. Robin sounded confused by that.
Richard came in and gave some suggestions like shooting mayonnaise on Artie's chest if he loses, or maybe pull out some hairs from his chest. Sal said he wanted to paint on a Thurman Munson moustache on Artie with his pouch. Howard asked him if he had to vote or something. Sal said he knows that something is up with that and he's not sure what's going on. He said that some people are telling him that it's not election day. Howard told him not to pay attention to that. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
The caller told Howard that he's really into this Terminator TV show and asked some questions about her having a vagina and things like that. Howard said that of course they have a vagina, they're made to look human. He said that chick playing the Terminator chick is really hot too.
Howard read that SIRIUS is going to keep E Street Radio going. He talked about that with Artie for a few seconds and then played some audio of a guy who growls like a dog when he's having sex in porn movies. He said that he pictures Artie sounding like that. Artie said he probably does.
Howard said that he doesn't make any noise at all when he's doing it. Beth even points that out sometimes. He said that he has some kind of paranoia that keeps him from doing that.
Howard had some audio of Riley Martin doing his act at a comedy show at Bob Levy's comedy club over the weekend. He said that Riley did a show on Friday night and another one on Saturday. Saturday night he was loaded and blitzed out of his mind. He said that Howard TV went to the night that he was coherent.
Howard played some of Riley's act where he went off on Howard and then did some jokes about Ronald Reagan and how his last name spelled backwards is the N-word. Riley also talked about his partner E-Ron and how he met him. He told some stories about him and about some other stuff that didn't make a hell of a lot of sense.
Riley did manage to keep the audience with him and they were laughing and actually listening to his act. His stories were long and drawn out but the audience wasn't heckling him or anything. Howard asked what the hell was going on there. Artie aid that it was the most tolerant crowd he'd ever heard.
Howard played a few minutes of Riley's act but it was all nonsense. He said that the next night Riley was a little more out of it. He played some of the audio of that and Riley was slurring his speech so much that it was unintelligible. He was getting laughs but it wasn't clear what he was even saying. Howard said that he kind of fell apart that night. Robin said that's the night she would have rather have been to.
Howard heard that Riley brings his parrot with him wherever he goes and he apparently doesn't like the parrot which is his wife's. Shuli told Howard about how Riley started drinking on Saturday morning and drank from about 10am to 6pm. He heard he fell off the bar stool during that time and Bob Levy started to freak out. He had some tape from Riley's room where he went to do an interview. In the clip you can hear this bird making noise and Riley's wife asking him questions about his shoes and stuff like that.
The bird's noise sounded like an alarm clock or something and it kept doing it every few seconds while Shuli was in the room. Shuli said he couldn't get out of that room fast enough. He said that Riley claimed that he had food poisoning that night that he was slurring his words.
Howard played more of Riley's act from Friday night where he wasn't slurring his speech. He talked about how his contract was going to be ending soon and how he wants them to give him more money.
Shuli said that Riley went on for 20 minutes on Saturday night and he had to hold him up that whole time. Howard played more of Riley's act where he was thanking the audience for giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then the crowd starts chanting ''Cheap Jew Bastard'' over and over again. Howard said that was some act he's got there. Shuli said it was actually great how he was able to keep the crowd with him all that time.
Shuli said that Bob Levy has to pay Beetlejuice not to drink, now he's going to have to pay Riley not to drink on the weekends so he can do the shows. He said that Riley showed up right before he was supposed to go on stage so Bob was freaking out thinking that he was going to flake out on them.
Shuli said that Riley was selling some stuff at the show and he had a line of people waiting to buy it. He said that there were big fat guys leaving with Riley headbands on. Shuli said that Riley did about 7-10 minutes on Friday night but then on Saturday he did about 20 minutes.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that Shuli looked like a doctor holding up a stroke victim up on stage there at the show on Saturday. Howard said that Al is on Miserable Men (Sundays at 7pm on Howard 101) now too.
Howard took a call from Riley who said that he was sick on Saturday night and he told them about it 2 days before. He said that he was more stable on Friday night. He said that he was really sick and it wasn't the alcohol that was making him act like that. Shuli said that he was drinking at 10 in the morning drinking on Saturday morning. Riley told him not to sit at the table with him anymore then. He said that he has no sympathy in his heart and he thought he was a decent human being but now he knows he's a dirt wad.
Howard played some more of the audio of Riley on Saturday night and said that he did sound drunk to him. Riley said that it was food poisoning. He said that he's on probation so he wasn't drinking. He told Shuli that his act is a piece of shit and he's funnier than he is any day of the week. He said that if he wants to tear him down in front of these people then he's not a decent human being. He told him to stay away from him in the future ''you motherfucker.'' By that time they had pulled a clip of Riley's bird so Fred threw that in the middle of the discussion with him.
Riley said that the parrot that goes with him is his friend. He said that the bird is about 31 years old and that's his buddy. He said that he likes to go out on the road with him. He said that he bird loves the limelight and that's why he takes it out on the road.
Howard said that Riley is claiming that he wasn't drunk on Saturday night. Riley said that's because he's on probation and he's not supposed to be drinking. He said that Shuli is really trying to fuck him over by talking about this stuff on the air.
Shuli said that Riley was talking about how funny he was the other night and now he's saying that he wasn't funny at all. Riley said that he's putting him down and that's why he's going off on him. Riley gave Shuli a 1.5 rating for his comedy act. He said that he was trying to give him some kudos the other night when he told him how funny he was.
Syrus called in and said that Riley wasn't all that great on Friday night. He said he tuned him out when he was up on stage. Riley asked him why he came out to the show then. Syrus said that he was there to see a good show and see the other guys.
Riley said that he got a standing ovation that night and he wants Shuli to stay out of his business from now on. He wants him to stay away from him and from his family. Shuli said he has no problem with that. Fred kept throwing in that bird cawing sound once in a while during the call. Howard was going to let him go but a phone caller said that Riley just blew a Breathalyzer 3 times the legal level over the radio.
Riley said that he'll be doing another show down in Atlantic City at the end of this month. Howard let him go and took another call from a guy who said that he was at the show and thought Riley was actually good.
Artie said that he tied Fred once but he never beat him when he was playing along.
Artie had to go over and weigh himself after that loss. The guys weren't sure how much he was going to weigh but Howard said he may have lost some weight. He came in at 295 pounds. Artie said that he knew that it was going to be anticlimactic. Howard said that he had a look on his face like he was proud that he was thin. Artie said that he was kind of proud of that. He said that he was strutting around the studio like he was really proud after that.
Artie said that it might have been the stress from this whole thing. He said that this was the most stressful thing that he's done on the show. He said that he's also got that trip to the Middle East soon and he was told to lose some weight for that.
Artie said that he kind of took a guess on the Thomas Jefferson question and just happened to get it right. He said that he didn't actually know that one answer that he got correct. Howard said that he had to take another break a short time later.
Howard said that she claims that she hasn't had sex in 2 years and that was hard to believe. He said that sarcastically. He said that her husband must have left her when her voice got deeper than his. She told Larry that she hadn't had sex in 2 years and she's not sure if she could have had it from someone other than her husband or not. Artie said he can't believe how she sounds now. Howard told him that she's actually younger than he is.
Howard said that he's not sure what he's doing there to make Eric so angry. In another clip Eric said that he was blaming the news team for all of this and not Howard. He said that Howard puts his name on that news team and they're representing him. King and Gina, Eric's co-hosts, were asking Eric some questions about what they're supposed to do and Eric basically said that they shouldn't be talking to anyone about what happens there.
Howard said that he's glad that Eric has this going on now because it's giving him a bit of a life. Robin said that she's not sure why Kendra isn't talking to him now. Eric hasn't heard from her since all of this went down recently.
Howard had another clip where Eric said that he wants to have a one on one conversation with him. Eric said that he would like to have a nice one on one conversation with him off the air. He said that he'd like to explain his side of the whole thing. Eric said that Howard was concerned with Kendra hurting him and his news team beat her to that because they ruined it all for him. He said that he was hurt by them and not Kendra.
Eric was saying that Kendra wasn't the one who hurt him so Robin and Howard talked about how they think they were right. Howard said he feels bad for Eric about what happened.
In another clip Gina boots someone for asking Eric if he's upset that Howard was right about what he said. They're actually keeping track of the amount of people they kick from the chat room while Eric is on. They had a count of 275 for 3 days. King told Eric to let the people in the room know who was the real boss there. Eric said that he's the boss.
In another clip Eric was asked if he was upset about Johnny calling into the show last Thursday. There was a technical problem at that point and it sounded like an old film skipping as he was talking. Fred played some jack hammering sounds as Howard was pretending to be Eric talking on his megaphone. The guys talked about Johnny Fratto's call to the show last week and how great that was.
High Pitch told Howard what the web site was a couple of times and said that he got banned too many times in that JFSC chat. He said that they banned him because they thought that he was bad mouthing Johnny Fratto. Howard finally saw Eric on cam and described how disgusting he was. Artie wanted to see what else was in his apartment so Eric spun the camera around and showed it. Eric said that he was at a friend's house.
Artie told Eric that he's not clean and it's just gross. Howard asked to see his penis but Eric said he didn't want to do that. Howard asked where his dog was and played some clips of him talking to the dog saying ''Stop it, stop it!'' as the dog was growling.
Eric said that the people on JFSC are just not nice and people can come into his room and chat any time. He said he won't kick them out. Joey Boots called in and told Howard that Eric isn't working again and not paying rent, that's why he's at his friend's house. Eric said that's not true. Joey said that Eric is up in Connecticut right now, that's why he's not home. Joey said that he's working right now posting on SFN. He told Eric that he's a liar and a leach.
Irish John called in and asked Eric what's going on with him and his job. He said he was teaching Eric how to keep a job and now he's getting involved in all of this video camera crap. He said that Eric is the only one not working in construction right now claiming that the weather isn't good enough. John said that Eric should be out working but he's topless on a web cam instead. Irish John told Eric to call his boss and get back to work. Eric said that at least he's not JFSC.
Sal said that he knows that something is going on tomorrow. He said he's not sure what it is. He said that it's not his thing and it's not fair for them to ask him what it is. He said that they're supposed to be knocking some people out of the primaries in the secondaries.
Howard told Sal what's actually going on tomorrow. Artie said that he can't believe that he doesn't know this stuff. He told him that he's just stupid. Howard explained to Sal that they have these primaries to pick people to run for President. He said that Hillary and Barack are doing these primaries and they're trying to get the democratic nomination.
Sal was telling Howard and Robin about the stuff he thinks he knows about Presidents picking their vice presidents and how that can happen at the last moment. Gary said that Sal thinks that they can just wait until the last minute to make that decision. Howard said they were going to have Sal go down and fill out some paper work there in the lobby of the building. He kicked Sal out a short time later.
Jason said that he stopped working out and he really has to get back to it. He said he knows that he has to lose the weight, he's not stupid.
Steve said they called Big Foot to see how he was doing and he got upset with them. That led to Howard playing a prank call Big Foot made to a guy about a lost dog.
Steve wrapped up his news preview with some plugs for Chuck Zito, Miserable Men and Greg Fitzsimmon's shows that are all airing tonight on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in and ran down the stuff they'd be covering today on the Wrap Up Show. He mentioned some of the segments that they'll be talking about and I'll have full Wrap Up Show coverage later today. They ended up talking about the size of Jason's Yankee sweat shirt that was the size of a tent. Artie said he feels bad making fun of people who are that out of control. He said that he's going to run a diet and exercise plan for him.
Howard said that Robin seems annoyed when he asks her about Jim. She said she wasn't, she was just thinking trying to remember if she had.
Howard said he was reading a story about a mountain climber who saw that someone had written ''You suck Baba Booey'' on a mountain that he was climbing. He said that the guy didn't know why someone would climb up a mountain just to write that.
Robin read a story about TAB The Band which is the band that Joe Perry's kids are in. She had Howard playing some of their stuff. He said it sounded pretty good to him and he could probably get into it. He played a couple of their songs. Howard was able to figure out why they named the band TAB when Robin said that the kid's names all started with T, A and B (Tony, Adrian and someone else).
Howard was yawning and said he wasn't able to sleep last night because he lost a game of chess. He said that he kept himself up thinking about why he lost and now he's thinking about giving up the game because of that loss. He said he lost over a stupid mistake so that's why he was so upset with himself.
Howard talked a little bit about the TAB The Band stuff and how he's not sure if Joe Perry's kids should be in the same business as their father. He said that he wanted to do what his father did but he told him ''no'' when he asked. He said that's like Stephen King's son writing horror books. Gary said that they're actually good from what he's heard.
Robin asked Howard if he would be the spokesperson for Viagra if they came to him and offered $2 million. He said that he would do that and he'd even let them say he was the head of the Nazi party for $2 million. She was reading a story about how Simon Cowell turned down a job doing that for Viagra over in England. Artie said that he should be the face of Viagra. He said he's 40, overweight and he looks like he needs it. Howard said that Kathleen Turner could probably be the face of Viagra. Artie said that she'd be the face of whatever makes you lose a hard on. Howard played some audio clips from her interview with Larry King and goofed on that deep voice of hers. Fred got in on the goofing and did his Herman Munster voice for Kathleen Turner.
Robin read a story about the Van Halen tour being canceled and how Eddie Van Halen might be the cause of the problems. She had another story about a study that was done where they found that women are better liars than men are. She read a story about a Food Network host who was found to have lied about his previous jobs.
Andrea said that she's afraid that they're not going to be able to do the operation because of all of the pills she takes. She said she had her lips done last week and they look great. Artie told her to get the boobs so big that they can't even see her face. She said they're going to be a little bigger than they were. Howard told her that she's ruining herself by doing all of this.
Howard wished Andrea luck with all of that. He let her go and said that she's only 25 and she's depressed about getting old.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a woman who wrote a book about her Jewish family and their time in the Nazi concentration camps that turned out to be lies. Robin had a story about Rosie O'Donnell who is asking her blog visitors if they think it's time for Larry King to step down and stop interviewing.
Howard had to take a break in the middle of the news, around 10:10am. After the break Howard came back and played a clip of Fran Drescher pissing off Larry King when she was on recently. She was reading something in Spanish and Larry asked her what the hell she was doing. He wasn't really upset or pissed though. Howard heard that he had gotten pissed.
Robin had a story about Prince Harry secretly being in the military until he was outed by some various news sources. She read another story about this guy who got sick after handling some Ricin in his hotel room. She some news about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton which got Howard to do his Ted Kennedy impression again. He kept that up for a while during Robin's reports.
Robin read a story about some doctors who were investigated in the Heath Ledger overdose case. She read another one about Ellen Degeneres breaking down and crying while talking about a kid who was killed.
Artie talked about seeing George Carlin's latest special and how the guy is looking really frail at the age of 70. He said the guy is still funny though. Robin read through a few more stories and wrapped up a short time later. They ended the show around 10:40am.
Jason said he knew that someone would bring it up eventually and he was surprised it was Robin. He said that he understands that it's the show and that's what they do. Gary said that Jason has 5 pounds left to go before he gets up to his heaviest. Jason said he knows that his sweat shirt is way too big but he could gain another 500 pounds before he'd fill it out.
Gary said that it sucks waiting for people to notice that you've put on all of that weight that you lost. Jason said that he's mentally fine and he's not that worried about the weight gain. He said that he threw his whole diet out the window after the weight loss challenge and he's almost back up to that weight he was at almost one year ago to the day he first weighed in.
Gary asked Benjy where he's at now. Benjy said that he's probably in the 240s or so and he's put on about 2/3 of the weight he was at during that weight loss challenge. He said that Jason was so into it back then that he said he'd never gain back the weight. They talked about the rest of the guys and how they're all getting, or have gotten, back to the weight they were at before the weight loss challenge.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Robin and how she was wearing a big moo-moo about a year ago and she may have dropped the weight now but she could gain it back. He said that she still needs to lose a few pounds. Gary said that she looks phenomenal now and she's not a young woman anymore. He said that she's kept it off for a while now too.
The caller said that once the Jim thing slows down she'll probably gain that weight back. He said that she shouldn't be goofing on Jason the way she is. Jason said he's fine with it, he knows that it's the way they do things on the show. He said that she's a vegan now and she's hard core.
Gary said that Robin lost weight on that Master Cleanser diet years ago but that never even comes up anymore. She put the weight back on after that diet worked for a little while. Gary said that he'd bring it up if she attacked him for no reason.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he blames Howard for this weight gain stuff. He said that they have all of that food that they have in there every week and you can't expect people to stay thin if they have the food around there all the time. Gary said that every corporation does that. Gary and Jason said that it's not the company's responsibility to keep them thin. The guy said that he works for craft services and they put out healthy food for people. He said he's just worried about the guys because he wants them to be around a lot longer.
JD said that they have had healthy food laid out for them but it just stays out and no one eats it. Gary said that he's been to a lot of places in the mid-west and he feels pretty good about his weight when he sees how fat other people are. That led to Jason and Jon talking about this section they're going to be sitting in out at a Pittsburgh ball game this summer and they get unlimited food for $35.
Gary said that down at Disney they have wheelchairs and fat people will use them so they don't have to walk. Jon said that's a great way to cut lines down there.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked what they're eating to get so fat. He said that it's sickening. Jason said that they're just a mirror of American life. The caller said he hates Jason because his voice is annoying. Jason asked him to say it louder and clearer but the guy hung up on them.
Another caller said that Robin is not thin but she may look a little better. She said that what Robin is doing to Jason is like what a felon might do by making fun of another criminal. She said that she needs to keep her mouth shut instead of making fun of Jason.
Gary said he thinks that Robin would have made fun of Jason even if she was still fat. The woman said that Robin isn't perfect and she shouldn't be making fun of other fat people.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he's had the numbers from the weight loss challenge and had a total of what they weighed. He said that there were 6 people and they came in over 1000 pounds total. He said that was ridiculous. The guys said that they weren't claiming to be thin though.
Gary said that if he wasn't working there, he said that he'd probably be even fatter. He said if he worked for Bubba, he'd probably be even fatter because Bubba doesn't make fun of his guys for gaining weight. He said that Howard keeps him from getting even fatter.
Jason said that his fiancÚ keeps telling him to give up on the gym membership he has but he thinks that he's eventually going to go back to working out and losing weight. He said that maybe he'll just have to say that tomorrow he'll have to go.
A woman called in and said that she weighs 118 pounds and she can eat just about anything she wants. Gary said that some people are able to do that and they just don't gain weight. He said that Will is like that and he sometimes complains that he has to put on weight. Jason said that their old office manager was like that and she could out eat him at lunch and not gain a pound.
Richard said that he was getting annoyed a lot lately about spending so much time on Eric the Midget and not play their 2 minute bits. He said he gets upset by that. Gary said that he's kind of like publicists who call and say the same thing about their clients not getting booked for the show while they'll spend an hour with Eric the Midget.
Sal said that he saw Richard well up with tears one day and he had to calm him down and let him know that they can't get everything played. Richard said that he doesn't want to sound like a whiner but he gets upset when their stuff gets brushed over. Gary said that he's not brushing over it, Howard just goes through stuff and sometimes he's not into what they create.
Richard said that he really got bummed out when Howard played part of one of the songs he did and goofed on it. He said he'd rather not have him play it at all than have him do that. Sal said that he doesn't like when Howard asks Robin about some of that stuff because it's not good to go in with that kind of attitude. He said that he'd rather not put out mediocre shit. He said he'd rather have Howard and the guys give them advice about the bits they do so they can change them.
Sal and Richard are always talking about these bits saying ''we'' all the time so they explained that they do work on most of those bits together so they are a team. That's why they refer to each other as ''we.''
Richard talked about the 3 minute long song that Howard didn't like and didn't play. He said that he never expected him to play the whole song but he didn't expected him to cut off after just a few lines. Sal said that Richard wasn't too fond of the Mike Morse song that Howard had played that same morning that he cut Richard's song off.
Jon asked Gary who mopes the most when the bits don't get played. Gary said it's Richard but Sal used to do it more. Sal has backed off but Richard will send him instant messages about it and ask why their stuff isn't getting played. Richard said that he doesn't want to annoy Gary about that kind of stuff and that's why he's been IM'ing him instead of coming into his office and asking about it. Gary said that those IMs are still very mopey.
Sal and Richard said that getting their stuff played on the air is like a drug to them. That's why they try to get that stuff on the air.
JD said that he has stuff that he'd like to get played on the air too. Gary said that JD never complains about that though. He said that might be his worst characteristic because he doesn't push for his own bits to get played.
Gary said that one thing that Richard does that annoys him is something he did last week. He said it was like 9:15 last Thursday and he asked if it was a good time to play his bit. They still had guests to get to and they had to cram it all in at the end of the show.
Jon played a clip of Richard talking to Howard earlier this morning about his bits not getting played. After playing the clip they talked to Sal and Richard about some of the bits that they do and how maybe they over think what they're doing and have imaginary conversations in their heads about what Howard might say about them.
Richard said that there have been some things that Howard has thought were way too over the top and that makes them think that maybe they're losing touch with the show. Gary asked them if they think that they've changed or if Howard is changing. Richard said that he thinks that Howard has gotten nicer and he doesn't like the really rude prank phone calls. He said that means they have to be more careful during their prank calls.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's not sure why these guys are complaining about this stuff because everyone knows who they are. She also said that Eric the Midget is great radio these days and they should just stop whining about all of this. Richard said that they want to make new calls and have them played on the show. They don't want to be known just for the stuff they've done in the past.
Gary was talking about Richard almost crying the other day when he came into his office when Ronnie let out a belly laugh. He asked if this was the cry baby show today. Ronnie told him to dry his pussy and get over it. Benjy asked Ronnie when he last teared up and cried. Ronnie said it was about 7 months ago over his marriage. He said that's all he was going to say. He told him to drop it. Sal said that's the last time Bonnie laughed her ass off too.
Jon asked Ronnie about the Las Vegas stories he told earlier this morning. Ronnie said there were no stories, he just went out to see his friend Bubba. He said it wasn't a big deal. Sal said that Howard isn't jealous of him but Gary said that he might be jealous of the fact that he can go out and have fun in Vegas.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Sal and Richard to get over this stuff. Sal said that they have 7 million people getting involved in their private lives and that's why this stuff ends up on the air. Richard said that he never intended for this to get on the air. Gary said that if it happens in the office it's probably going to end up on the air.
Gary said that there was a period of time when he would feel like Howard hated him. He said that he wasn't sure if it was in his head or not but this job is a marathon, not a sprint. Gary said that he was treated really well in the beginning and then they started goofing on him. That's what's happening to Richard and Sal. Benjy said that the hate phase for him started in 1999 and he thinks that it might end by next year.
Richard said that he doesn't think that they can go in and talk to guests anymore because Howard thinks that they're just too crazy. Gary said that Sal has gone over the edge with some of the stuff that he's done to guests and that's why they can't just walk in like that. He said that Sal calling Pat Cooper's girlfriend a cunt was going way over the line.
Gary said that they haven't even asked about going into the studio lately. Sal said that the Richard Lewis thing was what put a stop to that. He went on to talk about how he was talking to Russell Simmons and called himself the White Devil. He said that he was trying to ease some tension there and that's why he was goofing around.
Ronnie said he was going to leave since Jon was back to the cry baby show. Gary and Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that Shuli was telling him how great things work there and how he got to see all of this go down. Gary talked about how he told Howard about it and then they set up Sal so he wouldn't hear them talking about it on the air. He said that they took Sal aside and things worked out very effortlessly.
Sal said that he's doing to register to vote even though the election isn't tomorrow. He said that Gary helped him out with the paperwork. Gary said that he convinced Sal that he should vote and his vote does count.
Sal said that he found out that election day is in November and it's the second Tuesday of the month. He said that he's going to vote for McCain. He said that he can't vote for Obama because he thinks that he's scamming everyone.
Jon said that last night on 60 Minutes they talked about the pictures that people have seen of him wearing a turban and things like that. Sal said that he's a Muslim and those people hate America. He said that he just can't trust him. He was also asked about Hillary so Sal said that he doesn't trust any woman to run the country. He said that every woman does everything based on emotions. He said that women don't know what they want.
Sal was also saying that he doesn't like Huckabee because of his name. He said that if he was so good he'd know something about him. He knows nothing about him. Gary asked Sal what he knows about John McCain but he really didn't have anything other than the fact that he's not Hillary or Obama. He said it's not about race though.
Gary asked Sal to tell him something about John McCain that he knows. He said that he knows that he's against the war after Teddy filled him in on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he gets kind of tired of hearing about all of this stuff from Sal who should know more about politics than he says he does. He said that he should be up on current events if he was a stockbroker at some time. He said that they teach you the basics in 4th grade.
Sal said that he was trying to put together something about a Wack Pack Election thing when he asked Gary about the election. That's where all of that came from. He said that he has no interest in this area and that's why it doesn't absorb into his brain. Gary asked Sal if he was stupid, how would he know if he wasn't stupid. Sal said that he's smart enough to know that he has no desire to know about politics. He said that when you vote you're voting for ''the lesser of two devils.''
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Sal about the Primary and Secondary elections. Gary said his favorite line was when Howard said that Sal's kids are going to be so proud of him when he shows up to their school to vote.
The guys talked to Sal more about what Sal knows about politics and why he's picking John McCain. Sal was still going off on Barack Obama saying that he's just bullshitting us.
A caller said that Sal isn't stupid, he thinks that he's just ignorant. He said that he chooses not to learn stuff that he could learn if he wanted to. He told Sal and Richard to just be men and stop whining about their clips not getting played.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that he's stupid or ignorant. Sal said that he's neither. He said that he just admits that he doesn't have any knowledge of when the election is because he has no interest in politics. He said that what he does on the show is what makes him content and he doesn't want people judging him because he doesn't judge them.
Another caller said that Sal really is ignorant just like the previous caller said. Sal argued with him about that. Gary asked Sal if he doesn't remember having every election day off when he was in school. Sal said he did remember that it was on a Tuesday but he didn't remember that it was in November. That led to Gary asking Sal when Labor day, Memorial Day and other dates like that were. Sal wasn't so sure about when they took place. He said that he thinks that Memorial Day is at the end of September. Then he said that it was the first week of September. Then he said that Labor Day was in June. Gary asked him if he puts on Halloween costumes in January.
Jon shifted gears and asked the guys about Win Fred's Money with Artie. Gary said that Artie was the one who brought it up and said that he wanted to give it a shot. He said that Artie kind of reeled it in this morning when he said he didn't think that he could beat him. He said he thought the questions were really hard this morning though.
Gary thinks that Robin could come closest to beating Fred if she played. That led to Jon playing a clip of Artie getting on the scale and weighing in at 295 pounds.
Jon went to the phones again and let a caller ask Sal if he's really that clueless or is all of this shtick? He told Sal to maybe go out and learn some stuff about the revolutionary war. Gary said that they should make Sal go out and do one of those reenactments for the war. Sal said he has no interest in doing that. Gary said that he makes no sense because he says he doesn't want to know about the stuff but then he wants to know about stuff on the show that he doesn't know about. Sal said that he wants to know about stuff but it's really not that important to him. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was trying to catch sone Z's there in the studio. He said that he and Beth have been staying up watching this show ''In Treatment'' on HBO On Demand. He said that there's something wrong with the service though and they have a message saying ''try later.'' He said he's in the middle of week 5 of that show. He told Robin that she has to go back and start from the beginning and watch them all in order.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Hong Kong. The caller said that he watched ''are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' there in Hong Kong. He said that means that Howard is losing his ideas to the world. He said that it really makes American's look like idiots too.
Howard said he was just thinking about that and how FOX development used to call him all the time to do shows but he wouldn't do anything with them. He said he had meetings with some people over there and they'd want him to turn bits from his show into TV shows. He said that if he wanted to do that he'd do it on his own and not do them for another company like that.
Howard said that it's obvious that the producer of the show must have listened to his show and ripped off the idea from them. He said that there's some guy there making tons of money and he probably believes that he didn't rip it off from him. He said he probably sits there with a big grin on his face like a Cheshire cat. He said ''fuck him'' and went off on these guys who steal from his show.
Howard said that he should sue but he doesn't know. He said he has tapes that pre-date that show and he could prove that it was ripped off. The caller tried to tell Howard that he had to go out and meet with some people over there in Hong Kong and it was embarrassing that the show is on over there. Howard told him they heard that already and hung up on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who suggested that he try to catch these people before they rip him off. Howard got even more pissed off and went off on Jeff Foxworthy calling him a ''no talent cock sucker'' as he was talking to the caller. He seemed to be getting more and more pissed off about that show.
Howard went off on President Bush about getting us involved in Iraq and talking about what a mess that is over there.
The caller told Howard that he had some comments about the merger to make too. He said that people should be more worried about Congressmen being paid off instead of worrying about the merger itself. Howard said that's obvious and thanked him for the call before hanging up.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up a story about Steve-O getting arrested. Howard said that he's been following that story and he'd talk about that. Then the caller mentioned the Oprah Winfrey show that aired on Sunday night and how that got big ratings. The caller said that he watched the show and it was kind of dumb to have people helping other people by giving them money. He said that the people shouldn't be making money to give away money.
Howard said he doesn't think that show is going to last but Robin said she thinks that it might keep getting big ratings because that Extreme Makeover show is still getting a huge audience.
Howard got back to Steve-O and how his neighbor was accusing him of harassing him. It turns out he has tape of himself harassing the guy and the tape is all over the internet so that's how this neighbor is getting him in trouble. He had some clips of Steve-O doing stuff to bother this guy.
Howard said he had one clip, that he said you can find on PerezHilton.com, where Steve-O starts pounding on his neighbor's door with a BB gun. He played that audio where Steve-O bangs on his neighbor's door and tells him to get out of the building. Then he runs back to his apartment and closes the door while the neighbor yells at him. Steve won't come out of the apartment and starts spitting on his own door telling the guy he's spitting on him.
Howard said that he cut some of this down because there's so much to it. He said that the cops are going to have tape of all of this to use in court when they take Steve-O in. He said that Steve is in the hall in another clip where he's got most of his neighbors out with him and they all seem to be on his side. He asks them all if they want the guy out of the building and some people cheer and say ''Yeah!'' Steve-O bangs on his door and they get him out of his apartment. Steve-O tells the guy that he's out of there and calls him a ''faggot ass'' as he's walking away.
Howard said that you can't blame the guy if he's doing all of this after Steve-O is banging on his door yelling at him. He said that he had a problem when he was living in Bloomfield, Connecticut because his neighbors were awful. He said he was only making 12 grand a year and they had a bug up their ass and told him that they had freedom of speech and they would blast music, hang signs on his door and things like that. There was no arguing with them though. They wouldn't tell him what problem they had with him.
Howard said that the housing there was so bad that the shit started coming up through the toilets there. He got out of there himself by getting a job in Detroit.
Howard said that in another clip Steve-O starts drilling holes through the wall in the hall into the guy's apartment to see what he's decorating is like. He ends up pounding with a chisel through the wall. Steve-O was calling it a ''meet and greet.'' JD said that he's actually drilling through his own wall into the guy's apartment because they're right next to each other.
Howard said that he can't imagine having him as a neighbor. He wondered if he ever amps it down at all. Artie said that this reminds him of a friend's friend who lived next to some neighbors in a shitty apartment building. He said that to fuck with the people he put on a loop of a Crosby Stills and Nash song that he left playing over a whole weekend. He said when the guy came home the cops had broken into his apartment to stop the music.
Howard played more of Steve-O yelling at his neighbor and spitting through the hole in his wall. Howard wondered if he ever sits down and balances his check book or anything. Then he had another clip where Steve was going to put speaker wires through the wall to set up speakers in his apartment. In the clip you can hear Steve yelling through the hole in the wall and trying to get rid of this neighbor. The guy was in his apartment turning the lights off so Steve couldn't see him.
Steve-O eventually sticks a speaker through the wall and turns on some loud music. He plays it at full volume and Steve plays some Tool for the guy. The song was ''Prison Sex.''
Howard said that Steve-O is now in jail over all of this. He read a quick article about that and they say that the neighbor made a citizen's arrest on him and held him until the cops came. Howard said it may have been the fact that Steve-O was having parties that were too loud and that's what his complaints were before Steve started doing all of this stuff.
Robin said that she would have gotten out of that building as soon as possible if she had Steve-O as a neighbor. Artie said that he can't imagine someone winning the shit lottery and having Steve as a neighbor like that.
Howard had said that she was too hot for porn but Robin told him that he may have over sold her a bit. Howard said that Ronnie was telling him how hot the hookers are out in Vegas. He was out there over the weekend and this really hot chick came up to him in the casino and asked if he wanted her to come back up to the room with him. He told her to get lost when she told him it would cost him $500. He said he could tell that she just came from some other guy's room too.
Howard said that being a hooker has to be the worst for a woman because it's like the lowest thing you can be. He said that he's pretty sure that there's not much difference between hookers and porn stars because they're being paid to have sex with strangers. He said that maybe going to a set makes you feel better about yourself but you're still doing the same thing.
Howard said he likes when porn stars tell him that they never have sex with guys for money because they don't do that, but meanwhile they're having sex with strangers on film. He said that if he just put a camera and crew in his hotel room with a hooker, it would be doing porn.
Howard told Robin about this Joey Buttafuoco porn that just came out. He said that he didn't watch it yet because Beth didn't want to see it after the Amy Fisher porno. He had some clips that JD had pulled from the video. JD told the guys that the woman in the video is an older chick and she's got fake boobs and it's all that great to look at. JD said that you also see that Joey is totally shaved everywhere.
Howard played one clip where they were supposed to be at a friend's house for a barbecue and decide to have sex in this room there. You can hear a dog barking in the background as they're messing around. He said that Joey should have said ''Hey honey, get a gun and go shoot that dog.''
JD said that this woman in the video is really into giving oral, unlike those ''Schimmel women'' that were on the show last week. Howard said that Joey is totally exposed in this clip and you can see he's all shaved down. He said that it's really disgusting to him and it ruins porno for him. He laughed as he was listening and let out some sighs.
The dog kept barking in the background as Joey and this woman were messing around. The woman was talking to him and just saying too much. She made some goofy comments so the guys were goofing on her about that. Howard asked if there were any bad tattoos on her or anything. JD said she didn't have any that he saw.
At one point in the clip there were sirens so Joey improved and said that she was so hot that they had to send the fire trucks. In another clip Joey and the woman were moaning and stuff. Howard played that and then a clip where Joey said he wanted to jerk off on her tongue. Howard said that was fuckin vile. He said that he was fucking her for like an hour and then he has to finish there. JD said that you see his load there too and her mouth was open when he did it. Howard sounded grossed out by the whole thing but said ''Oh, that's so sexy'' in a sarcastic way.
Howard said that was really vile. Artie said that his poor kids have to know that this stuff is out there. Howard asked what Joey was making all that noise for after he was done. JD said he was just tired from doing what he had just done. Howard said that it was just the worst thing ever and they were setting porn back by 100 years. JD said that it was actually better than the Amy Fisher tape. That led to Howard playing some clips from that tape. He asked for the full clips instead of the short ones he had. JD said he'd get them up for him in a couple of minutes.
Howard played some tape of Benjy and Richard interviewing Joey Buttafuoco out at the AVN awards. They were goofing on the guy by playing an air horn and sticking the microphone in his face and stuff like that. Joey threatened to drop them if they puked on him like they were pretending to do.
Howard played some of the Amy Fisher porn clips. He said that in this one clip she's rubbing dry soap on herself and it was very strange. That's where they got the clip of the guy saying ''I love your pussy'' that they play on the show once in a while.
Howard played more of the tape and got grossed out by the guy. He also hated Amy sucking air in and breathing heavy the way she was. Then the guy would tell her that she was so pink and tight and he'd get grossed out by his voice. The guy says that he wants to examine her pussy at one point. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later. He mentioned that Wyclef Jean was coming in to perform ''Fortunate Son'' today. He said he really likes his music and has liked it for a long time. They spent a short time talking about the Fugees and how they broke up years ago. Howard goofed on Lauren Hill a little bit and that led to them talking about Dave Chappelle and how he's kind of wacky like she was. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Gary Garver did some more interviews. He was going to get to that but had Lisa G come in first with her Howard 100 News preview. They played her in with a song called ''your Ass is Beautiful'' by the Bleeding Deacons. That led to Howard asking her about her ass and if she'd show it off in a thong. She said she wouldn't. Howard said that Kate Hudson was in the paper in a bikini and she's got a great ass. She doesn't have much in the way of tits but Howard said that he doesn't care about them that much. Artie said that she needs something there. Fred agreed and said that they are too flat and he agrees with Artie about that.
Howard played a little bit of this game that they played with some Wack Packers about who they're going to vote for. They all guessed at who Daniel Carver is going to vote for and then played a clip of him talking about how he's going to vote for McCain. Howard then had the guys guess who Jeff the Drunk is going to vote for. The guys all took their guesses and ended up talking about Hillary Clinton for a short time.
Howard said that people like Hillary should be coming to him to get the word out to the young males out there. He said that he's the perfect show to get that message out there. He said that guys aren't going to watch her on Oprah's show. He said that everyone is afraid of him for some reason and he's not sure why.
Howard said that Gary just bummed him out when he gave him a note where they list all of the countries that they syndicate ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.'' He said that he was so ticked off that they're making billions off of a ripped off bit that he's decided to sue them now. He said he wants a billion bucks for that and he can prove that the ripped off a bit from the show.
Howard played the clip of Jeff the Drunk talking about how he's going to vote for Barack Obama because Hillary is a cunt. Howard had Shirley from God Hates Fags playing this game too. Everyone said that she wouldn't vote for anyone. They figured that she might pick Huckabee. In the clip Shirley said that she wouldn't vote for any of them because they're all heads of the same monster. She was going on and on about how they're all for the fags and that's why this country is going to keep getting worse and worse.
Howard had Crazy Alice up next. the guys took quick guesses but when they played the clip, Alice said she wasn't going to vote. She said she wouldn't vote for a coon or a kike. No one was sure which one was the kike in that whole thing. Howard said the game wasn't really working with no answers from the Wack Packers. Sal came in and said that one of the answers should have been ''No one.''
Up next was Riley Martin. They guessed that he was going to pick Barack Obama. That's exactly who he went with. Riley explained why he was picking him and why he wasn't going with Hillary. Wendy the Retard said that she's going to vote for Hillary because Barack is going to take better care of the blacks than she would with the whites. Howard asked if Wendy is allowed to vote. Robin said no but the guys wondered how they could stop her.
Up next was Blue Iris who said she's going to vote for Obama. Then they had Big Foot talking about how he was going to vote for himself because he's better off than any other President.
Howard said that all of these women have to think about what they look like to the guys who are banging them from behind. Artie wanted to know how old Lisa was but she didn't want to say. Howard said that women don't want to talk about that kind of stuff.
Artie was talking about how the last whore he had out in Vegas saw his ass when he got up from banging her. That led to him talking about how hot the hookers are out there.
Lisa said that they have a story that they're working on about Beth O in some article. She said that Yucko the Clown broke his arm while shooting a bit. They'll have more on that and about Gary getting into the Friar's club. She said that they have some audio from the Bubbapalooza event out in Las Vegas.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Lisa about her love life and why she has cob webs down there. She said that's none of his business. Howard asked if anyone has ever gotten cobwebs down there from inactivity. Lisa said that they do say that having sex frequently is a good thing. Howard thanked Lisa for coming in and let her go a short time later.
Howard said that Gary Garver went out to a Celebrity Poker Tournament and interviewed some people. First up was Cameron Manheim. She knew what was going on and passed on the interview. She said that she wasn't upset with Howard or anything but she didn't want to talk to him about how many men she's had. She read the questions he had and said that Howard Stern was ugly when she read one about describing Howard in one word. She read through a few of them and said that Gary reminded her of every guy she knew in high school.
Howard said that the next interview was with Jerry Buss. Garver ended up kissing his ass instead of asking him the questions he had on the list. He didn't bother to read any of them, he just congratulated him on his season because he's the owner of the Lakers. Howard said that went on and on. He just did a straight interview with the guy. Howard said that the shitty questions never come up.
Howard said that Garver got one with Meat Loaf and asked him who he was. Garver told him he had gotten stoned before he got there so that's why he didn't know who he was.
Howard said that Ken Davitian was up next, he was in the Borat movie. Garver asked him who he was and what makes him famous. He explained who he was and then asked him about Stuttering John Melendez. ken said that he doesn't even know what he does other than raising that coffee cup on the Tonight Show.
Howard said that Garver ran into Mimi Rogers again. Garver said that they played that last interview with her on Howard's show. He asked her about the Scientology thing and she said that it was inappropriate to ask about that but she'd talk about poker. Garver asked her if she thinks that Hollywood typecasts fat people. She didn't know. Garver asked if it's okay to play poker while kids are starving in Africa. She also said that Howard was ''cute'' when Garver asked her to describe him in one word. Howard said he could probably get her but he's not sure how she looks these days.
Artie said that he saw next to Mimi about 8 years ago on Politically Incorrect and she was looking over the hill back then. Garver tried asking Mimi some more questions about Scientology but she kept telling him that was inappropriate.
Garver got an interview with Victoria Pratt and when she said that Howard was ''hot'' she laughed her ass off. Howard showed the guys what she looks like and said she's really hot. Fred said that she's 38 years old too. She's a fitness model and actress. Howard read some stuff about her and said that's his kid of girl. He said that she's in some really shitty movies. He read a bunch of stuff about her and then saw that she has some nude scenes on MrSkin.com. Howard checked out some pictures of her. He said she really is hot. She's married though so he gave up on the idea of getting her. Howard read about all of the TV shows that she was in before moving on to the next segment.
Howard said that Mike panicked and stole this thing and killed the driver so he couldn't identify him. He said that it was his first killing and he really went far and stabbed him a bunch of times and left him to die in a ditch. Howard asked Mike what happened to him that made him have all of this anger. Mike said that his parents divorced when he was 2 and his dad abandoned him. He said that one of the things that might shock people is that he wants to help people who have come from that background.
Howard said that Mike got caught at a gas station when the attendant saw him covered in blood. Mike said he was charged with 1st degree murder but he got out of it when the governor signed a new law saying that minors couldn't be charged with life in prison.
Howard asked Mike if he would ever want to kill again. Mike said that he could never do that again because of what it did to the family of the guy he killed. He said that the man was a Vietnamese immigrant and he had kids and a family. He said that he's been out of jail for 10 years now and no one knew what he did when he was younger. He said that he wants to let the world know what he did.
Howard said that Mike has a good job as an IT guy and managed to keep that a secret from his boss. Mike said he was doing some subcontracting and he just falls through the cracks like so many people do. He said that he wonders how he's been able to do that.
Mike said that he's been back to the city where he killed the guy and he has been unable to locate the family. He said that he wanted to do something for them and give them some money but he hasn't been able to find them. He said that he was going to donate some money to them and he still wants to do that.
Howard asked Mike if he's killed anyone in prison. Mike said he didn't but he did get into a lot of fights. He went into prison with a very big chip on his shoulder but he's gotten over it.
Mike said that he had a guy blow him in prison one time but he never did that himself. Mike said that he was getting a massage from a guy and the guy ended up going to work in a way that he had never done before and he started to blow him. He said that he got upset with the guy and stopped him. He said that he told him he didn't want that and got massages from him the next week.
Mike said that he had started having sex when he was 13 so he had some girls before he was in prison. He said that he had women come in to do him there too. He said he just had to pay off the officers. He said that it was easy to do it in the facility he was in out in Lincoln, Nebraska. He said that some of the chicks were hot too.
Mike said that he will never have any kids because he doesn't want to bring a little him into the world. Howard read some stuff about him and how he was a real trouble maker when he was a kid. He said that maybe there's something genetically wrong with him. Mike said that he's looking into that and he's on some drugs like Zoloft and he's trying to keep himself stable.
Howard said that Mike is going out and telling people what he did as a kid. Mike said that he goes to other prisons and talks to people about what he did and how they can stop themselves from wrecking their lives. He said he's trying to help people.
Howard asked Mike if he ever got off sexually after killing the guy. He said that he didn't but he knows people who do. He said that when he killed that guy he did fell like he had gotten all of his frustrations out. He said that it was the most relaxed he had ever been after that killing. He knows that it was wrong though.
Howard took some calls and let some people go off on Mike about what he did. That led to Mike talking about how he does stand-up comedy. Howard asked if he ever uses the murder in his act. He said of course he doesn't use that.
A caller told Howard that this living piece of shit never should have been let out of jail. He said that he seems to have some glee in his voice about this murder that he committed. Howard said he kind of agrees that when you murder someone you should never get out of jail. He said that people are going to despise him for what he did. Mike said that he deserves that and he knows that he's going to get it. Mike said that he has remorse and no one knows what he's feeling. He said that he spent 17 years of his life trying to turn his life around. He said that he's now trying to help people out by going out and speaking.
One caller told Mike that he should grab a gun and blow his own brains out. Mike said that he's trying to get better and do the right thing now. Another caller told Mike that he could easily track down the family of the guy he killed through the internet. Mike said that he's been looking for them but they may have gone back to Vietnam. He said that he has looked for them and hasn't been able to find them.
Mike talked about how he fought with the driver that he killed and how the guy put up a good fight. He said there was no way he was going to give up the fight and run away though. Artie said that this guy isn't going to get a lot of sympathy because of the way he killed the guy. He didn't really have any pressure other than what he had in his head. He said that it shows that he was sick in the head.
Mike talked about the 17 years he served for the crimes. He said that he got 10 years in one state and 7 in another one after they charged him with some other stuff. He said that he's not there to get sympathy, he's trying to find those people in all of the listeners out there who need help. He said that he wants to help those people that might be fucked up like he was.
Mike said that he's been married for 9 years now and she knows that he did. He said that he has a marriage that's going through a lot of strain right now and he's hoping that they don't get divorced. He said that he feels he has to do this stuff and that's making things kind of tough. Mike said that they're not all that social but they do have a core group of friends that they hang out with.
A caller said that Mike isn't going to pay for his murder until he reaches room temperature. another caller asked about the wife and if she wants to have kids. Howard told the guy that Mike already said that he's not going to have kids. Mike talked about her and how he's known that woman since he was a kid before he went to jail.
Mike said that he's making good money as an IT guy and that's one of his points that he's making today. He said that 90 percent of the people in jail are going to get out.
A private detective called in and said that he might be able to find this family for him so he can get some money to them. Mike said that he'd like to throw his web site out there because he would like to get the word out through that. You can check that out at UncleMike.us.
Howard told Mike that he should join the Killers of Comedy tour. Artie said that Bob Levy would put him on the gigs just for the plugs.
Mike said that he doesn't want people to like him as this messenger, but he would like people to see the message he's trying to get out there. Howard took some more phone calls and let some more people talk about what this guy did. One guy, a correctional officer, thinks that all of these criminals are out to scam people to make money. He thinks that this guy would kill someone if he fell on hard times again. He said that they're all trying to scam and they're all guilty. The caller told Mike that if he really wants to help the world is to go out and blow his brains out. Mike said that's not the first time he's heard that.
Mike said that the correctional officer who just called in is the same guy who is supposed to be trying to straighten out the people who are in prison. He said that's pretty scary.
Artie asked Mike if he was planning on killing someone that day. Mike said that he woke up scared that morning and he didn't know how to get himself back to his mother and ask her for help and that's the way he handled things. He said that he might have killed someone else if he hadn't killed that guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the guy was only 16 when he did this and a lot of kids do fucked up things when they're 16. Howard and the guys said that Mike took it to a real extreme though. Another caller said that they're forgetting an important point because it wasn't that big of a loss because the guy was Vietnamese. Even Mike thought that guy had a shitty attitude.
Robin said that this guy Mike sounds like a nice guy for a murderer. Howard wrapped up with him and let him go a short time later. Robin said she's not sure she could live with herself if she had done something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he served over in Iraq and Afghanistan and they have to kill over there. Howard said that's much different than what this guy Mike did. They spent a minute on that and then Howard talked about how many Mike's they were talking today. The guy who just called was Mike, they had Uncle Mike, they had other Mike callers too. Artie said he went to school with like 7 Mike's in high school.
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man pulled a clip of Senator Ted Kennedy screwing up Barack Obama's name during a hearing one time. He played the clip where Ted called him ''Osama Bin Lad...Osama O'Bama'' while talking about him. Howard and the guys spent some time goofing on him about that.
Benjy told Howard that he was checking out Uncle Mike's web site and it's kind of strange. He read some of the stuff he has on the site and he asks sexy guys to come up and visit him on his balcony. Howard said that might need to talk to Mike again about that.
Howard got Mike back on the phone and asked him why he's asking for sexy guys on his web site. Mike said that it was supposed to be girls. Benjy said that it kind of implied guys on the site. Mike said that he'd have to fix that.
Mike said that he is married but about a month and a half ago he went away for a few days and when he came back home his wife had left him with 64 cents in his bank account. He said that he was pissed but didn't kill her or anything. He said that she cleaned him out and he had to give her props on that. The next day he started putting shit back together with her and he's not sure if they're going to be able to do that. In the mean time, he's looking for some new people to meet, that's what he has up on his web site. He said he has no use for the guys, he's looking for women only.
Artie did an impression of Mike and goofed on him a little bit. He said that someone should go get him right now and put him back in jail.
Busey eventually told the girl that the celebrities she was talking about, people like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, were liars and not celebrities. He went off on all of them for a minute and then wrapped up with this poor kid who was stuck interviewing him.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using some Jeff Levy audio clips. They were comparing him to Uncle Mike a little earlier so that's why that clip came up. They had Jeff Levy talking about how he loves vomiting to someone at a Bulimia hotline. ARtie was laughing his ass off through that call. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Sal came in and said that he said that when he thought Howard didn't know what bit that was that Fred was playing. Howard said he was busy listening to a new Baba Booey song parody when he came out of break. That song was to the tune of ''Monday, Monday.'' Howard played that new parody and had Artie laughing his ass off again. Sal said that he wanted to marry the woman who made that song parody.
Howard had Wyclef Jean come in after that. Howard asked him about the other guy in the Fugees and what happened to him. Wyclef said that he went out and did a bunch of movies and stuff. He said he's still up to that out there in L.A. now that the writer's strike is over.
Howard talked to Wyclef about Lauren Hill and how difficult she was to work with. Wyclef said that she needs meds because she seems to be bi-polar. He said that he's been in the studio with a lot of people and he will do anything he has to just to make a record. He said that she was making people call her Ms. Hill and wouldn't let people look at her when she walked in a room.
Howard said that when she demands to be called Ms. Hill it might be time to all the doctors. Howard said that she does have talent but that's just wrong for her to make demands like that. Howard said he loved that giant afro she had.
Artie said that if Howard went nuts and started demanding that people call him Mr. Stern, there would be people like Robin and Fred who would say ''fuck you'' to him. Howard said that Wyclef had a job to do so he had to play that game as long as the product was good. He said that she needs Wyclef to make her great.
Howard told Wyclef that he came from the gutter and really made a life for himself. He asked him if he pinches himself because of how big he's gotten. Wyclef said that he does that every day. He was out at an event recently and saw all of these celebrities and it was one of those moments where he had to pinch himself.
Howard said that Wyclef has to be worth about $40 million at this point. Wyclef grew up riding donkey to school and he said that he has a really nice donkey now that he has that kind of money. Howard read about some of the stuff Wyclef had to do when he was a kid. His father made him kneel down on a vegetable slicer when he and his brother robbed a store. Wyclef said that he had to kneel on that thing all day long and he still has bad knees from that to this day.
Howard read that Wyclef once got beaten so bad that he needed 32 stitches to sew up the wound in his head. He said that he went through a lot of that kind of child abuse. Wyclef said that he was a bad kid and that's the way his father punished him. Howard figured that he was doing that stuff to get some attention from his father.
Wyclef said his father passed away a few years ago and now he knows what he was trying to say to him. He said he loves his father to death. Howard found that hard to believe and said that he can't imagine loving a man after he abused him so much. Wyclef said that those beatings were no joke but he still loves the guy for what he was trying to do.
Wyclef said that he stole $500 from his father's church one time but he brought that money to school and gave it to all of the kids in class so they could buy stuff. Howard said he was almost like Robin Hood in that way.
Howard read that Wyclef's father didn't like his music and didn't talk to him for 2 years after he got his record deal. Wyclef said that his father didn't like the music but he still wanted to try and get his approval for what he was doing. Howard said the crazy thing is that his father rejects him but once he starts making money he buys his father a Rolls Royce and he finally reconciles with him. He basically bribed him.
Wyclef said that there was another part of that story. He said that his father worked for Don Warnock where he cleaned cars and his father would pick him up in the car and they'd drive around for an hour pretending to be that father and son that they really weren't. He said that his father was cleaning those cars and the money was going to pay for him and his brother's education. He said he wouldn't be the man he is today if he didn't go through what he went through.
Howard said that was basically Wyclef giving credit to his father for his talent. He said he doesn't buy that. Howard told Wyclef to break into ''Fortunate Son'' at that point since they were talking about how he really wasn't a fortunate son. Wyclef started playing guitar and went right into his very unique cover the song. After that Howard said he loves that song.
Howard got back to Wyclef's life and how he was killing pigeons when he was a kid so he could eat them. Wyclef said that he can still use a slingshot and he could still take out some pigeons in Central Park if he wanted to go out there and try it with him.
Wyclef said that his father didn't know the rules in the city when they got there and they'd just go to the park and caught some pigeons. He said that the cops caught on quick and got them out of there though.
Wyclef lost his virginity at 12 years old so Howard asked him who she was. Wyclef said that was his first love and she was 16 when he was 12. Wyclef also got married young, at 21, but then he started having his affair with Lauren Hill and his wife started beating the crap out of him.
Wyclef said that the news got out about him having the affair and that's how his wife found out about it. Howard said that must have been something else to have Lauren Hill. Wyclef said that once that was over with Lauren, he said that he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his wife. Howard asked him if he has an open marriage. Wyclef said he's married to a Haitian woman and he's going to get him killed talking like that.
Howard read that Wyclef would make love to like 6 women in the same night. He said that was a phase he went through and he did have a problem. He said he used to go to strip clubs a lot when he was young and wrote a song about that.
Howard said that Wyclef has a new song out, called Fast Car, and he did that with Paul Simon. Wyclef said that he had a vibe one day after he met Paul Simon. He said he went back to his studio and this vibe came to him and the song just came out of him. He called Paul and told him about it and that led to them performing the song together. That song is on his album ''Carnival II: Memoirs of an Immigrant.''
Howard asked Wyclef about the song writing process and if Paul wrote some of it. Wyclef said that he wrote his part of the song. He said that the guy is a real genius and he saw that when he wrote what he wrote for the song. Howard played the song off the CD and let it play all the way through.
After playing the song Howard asked about the guitar playing and if he took lessons. Wyclef said that he's self taught and learned in church when he was a kid. Howard said that he sounded very good in the song with Paul Simon. Wyclef told Robin about the song and what it was about. Howard said that he was a real artist after hearing the explanation.
Howard read that Wyclef is a big porno guy and he has a big collection. Wyclef said that he does have a lot and he had a favorites. He said that some of the good ones are the Taboo series. He said that it helps him perform sexually because he's been able to pick up some tips from those movies.
Howard read that Wyclef had once written a song for Steven Seagal. Wyclef said that he just played with him, he didn't write for him. He said that Seagal can play the blues on guitar and he's actually good.
Howard read that Wyclef had been seen taking human growth hormones but Wyclef said that's just not true. He said he's a health freak and he never does that stuff. He said that they even said in the article that they had no proof. He said he'd appreciate it if they just add that his new album is out in those articles.
Howard asked Wyclef what he's learned from watching those porn movies. He said that he's learned about pleasing the other person. He said he wanted to demonstrate something on Robin and asked if he could go into her booth. She was giggling but let him come in there. Wyclef told Robin that it's good to pick up a woman by angling his feet in a certain way. He showed her that and then picked her up and faked banging her. He was in a squatting position when he did that. Robin was laughing and said she was impressed with the way he picked her up. Artie asked why women never come in there and want to demonstrate stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Wyclef does a cover of Pink Floyd's ''Wish You Were Here'' that's great. Howard asked him to do that and Wyclef broke right into the song and did a couple of minutes of that. Howard said that it sounds like he's a classic rock kind of guy.
Howard said that Wyclef is a man of peace but he owns 60 guns. Wyclef said that he doesn't own 60 guns at all. He said that story came out of that same place that the steroid story did. He said that he just tries to teach kids that target shooting can be a fun sport.
Howard let a caller talk to Wyclef and the guy talked about how cool he seemed to be today talking about all of this stuff and then told him he sounds like a cool black guy. He asked if he got to see that chick Fergie naked. Wyclef said that he did hang out with her a few times but he's never seen her naked.
Another caller said that Wyclef sat next to him at a bar one night and hung out just talking to them like a regular guy. He said he was really cool. Howard said that it was all bullshit in the past when people said that the Fugees hated white people.
Howard asked Wyclef who he was going to vote for. He said he thinks that Barack Obama has the wave of the future. He said that he has worked with the Clinton's for a long time now but he's inspired by Obama. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Wyclef said that he really doesn't know Hillary that well, he knows Bill.
Howard had the Howard TV guys replaying the shots of Wyclef demonstrating his sexual position on Robin earlier. They said it was very odd with Gary standing right there next to them.
One caller told Wyclef that if he wants to squash the steroid rumors, he should stop picking women up and banging them while standing up. That led to Howard asking Wyclef about banging Lauren Hill and if she was the hottest chick he ever banged. Wyclef said that he's still stuck on his first. He didn't sound like he wanted to say who else he's been with.
Howard asked Wyclef if he named his daughter Angelina after Angelina Jolie. He said he didn't, he just named her Angelina after the angel. Irish John called in and asked which artist left him the most star struck. Wyclef said that it was Michael Jackson. He met him a few years ago at The Hit Factory. Howard said that he met Michael one time and he freaked him the fuck out. He said he had tape on his nose and stuff like that. He was really freaky. Wyclef said that he was a musical genius though and he was so incredible back when he was making music.
Howard let another caller ask Wyclef what his favorite weed is. Wyclef said that he likes hydro. The caller said that there are different kinds though. Wyclef said that the kush is the stuff that doesn't bother him at all. Howard said that the weed they have today is too strong for him. He said that he can't do it anymore. Wyclef said that he doesn't get tripped out by that stuff at all. He said that he gets really relaxed from that stuff and it doesn't freak him out at all.
Howard said that he could go on all day talking to Wyclef but he had to end it at some point. He gave him some plugs for his new album ''Carnival II: Memoirs of an Immigrant.'' Howard and Robin asked Wyclef what he thinks they should do about illegal immigration. He said that he thinks that the immigrants that are here already are here to stay but they should get them registered and get them the right papers. He said that anyone coming into this country should come in legally.
Howard asked Wyclef if he ever banged Shakira. Wyclef said that he never did even though he was on tour with her. Howard ended the interview a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that he was looking at a townhouse that was sold in the city recently for some ridiculous amount of money. The guy who bought it was this hedge fund guy who had made a billion dollars last year. Gary explained what the hedge fund thing is since Trish's husband wasn't there. Walter was her brother. He said that he was a founder of a company back in 1997 called a cookie router that they went public with in 2000 and sold it to Cisco for 2 billion. He said he was a founder of the business but he was one of 20. Howard asked him if it was $100 million. He said that it was around that much but a little bit south of that. He's 46 years old and retired now.
Trish said that Walter jerks off all day, that's how he spends his spare time. She thought that they weren't on the air because Howard told her she wasn't but they were.
Trish told Howard that she loves him and she's such a huge fan. She said that she loves everyone there. She said that it's hard to be a mother in suburbia and be a fan. She said that a lot of women out there don't like the show and want nothing to do with it.
Howard asked Walter when he retired. He said he was 43 when he did that. He said that he volunteers at schools with his spare time. He said that he's invested his money and he's doing just fine for himself now. Walter said that they lucked out with their company they had because they sold before the tech bubble burst.
Howard talked to Trish and said that she must be a princess. She said that she wasn't but Howard said ''just look at you'' and said that she had to be. Trish busted Walter and told Howard that he doesn't even have SIRIUS. Walter said that he's going to get it now. He said that Howard was a productivity buster for people when he was up in Boston.
Howard talked to Trish about how she met her husband at Club Med and ended up getting married within a couple of weeks. Howard told Trish and Walter to stick around during the show. Trish said that she saw Howard and Beth out at Nobu one night and she wanted to go over to him but her husband wouldn't let her go. She said that she saw Robin there one time too. Trish said that her husband didn't want her to bother him there at the restaurant so she didn't do it.
Howard said that they had a woman send in a letter saying that she's willing to take Eric's virginity. Artie saw the picture and said that she looked like the maid on The Brady Bunch. Steve said that they're saying that Kendra went into virtual hiding to get away from these news reports, but that doesn't explain why she's not talking to Eric.
Steve talked about the Riley Martin story that they discussed yesterday. They'll have more on that. They also have a story about Greg Fitzsimmons working with Andy Dick on a reality show pilot.
Jon Hein came in with a rundown of the stuff they were going to try and cover on the Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned the Wyclef Jean interview and how he lifted Robin up off the ground demonstrating his sexual position. Jon said that they'll also be talking about Uncle Mike, and much, much more.
Howard said he mentioned this Oprah show that aired on Sunday night. He got the ratings information for the show and quickly went through that. Then he read that Drew Barrymore was on Oprah's show donating a million bucks to her charity and it's so unnecessary to do that on Oprah's show. She's doing it for the publicity because she could do that on her own without telling people about it.
Howard said that Oprah and her show makes him sick. He played a clip from Oprah's show where she takes a phone call from Cameron Diaz and the audience goes nuts clapping. Cameron was calling from the set of some movie that no one will ever see.
Howard said that he met Cameron Diaz one time and he thinks that he could have gotten her. He got that vibe from her that he could have had her. He said that he knows that vibe when he meets a chick. He said that when he got single he would go out to parties and he could always tell if a chick was into him. He said that there were always chicks in the room who wanted the Alpha Male in the room and they want the top guy there. He said that he never goes to any parties so the word would get out and the chicks would be into him just because of who he is, not because of his looks. He said that these chicks would proposition him to go to the bathroom so these chicks could blow him. He said it's really fucked up and phony and it really got to him. That's why he had to stop doing that kind of stuff.
Howard said that there's something wrong with these girls if they're into him. He said that he kind of got that vibe from Cameron when he met her. He said that she can deny it all she wants but that's the vibe he got from her when he met her.
Howard played more of the Oprah clip where the audience was going nuts when they found out that Cameron was on the phone. Howard said that people have lost their minds.
Howard talked about going out to L.A. one time and running into Pam Anderson and her friends that she used to work with on her TV show. He said that they were really annoying talking about being gay or not gay.
Howard said that Artie was talking about how funny the Iron Sheik is when he yells at people saying ''You are gay... and faggot'' and how redundant that is. He wondered why you'd have to say both of those things in the same sentence.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she got an autograph from Cameron Diaz last year and she told her that she loves Howard. Howard said that he thinks that Cameron and Drew might be bi-sexual and maybe they've done stuff with each other. He said he doesn't know that for sure though. He said he's just making all of that up.
Mariann said that she saw a gold ring on her finger and asked if that was from Jim. Robin said it wasn't from Jim and she didn't have anything new on her hand. Mariann also said she was sorry to hear about Grandma Caprio. She went to Oprah's web site last night and tried to take this class thing that she has on there. Howard had to hang up on Mariann because she was too annoying for him to take.
Robin explained what Mariann was talking about and how Oprah is teaching these classes on her web site. Howard said that he can't vote for Barack Obama because if Oprah is backing him, there must be something wrong with him.
Robin said that she was going to go to that class herself but she wasn't home on Monday night to do it. Howard said that if she does that, she's got to be off the show. She said she was doing it for research. Artie said he thinks that Robin secretly loves Oprah but she claims she doesn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it sounded like he was jealous of Cameron Diaz or something. Howard said that he just hates everything.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he wanted to come in and wanted to know when he can come down next. Robin asked him what he should come in for. Jeff said he can do anything. Howard told Jeff that they'll try to come up with something for him to do. He said that maybe he has some anecdotes that he can tell on the show or something like that.
Howard asked Jeff what he did with the money that Artie gave him for his Atlantic City appearance. Jeff said he paid his electric bill. He said that he has a lot of other stuff to spend it on too but he used it on his electric bill.
Howard asked Trish and Walter if they were having a good time. They said it was great and worth every cent of that $57,000.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Bai Ling getting arrested for stealing a couple of Star Magazines from a shop she stopped in at an airport. She had another story about Kevin Federline getting fat. that led to Trish saying he was gross. Howard talked to her about how hot she was even though she has the same face as her brother Walter. He had her stand up and spin around for them and said that she really does look good.
Trish asked Howard if he's excited about getting married. Howard said he's excited about being with Beth and the marriage really doesn't mean that much to him. He's doing it for her. He said that there is no one that he'd rather be with. He said that marriage is telling the world that you love someone and that's all it is. He said that he's doing it so they are treated a certain way as a couple.
Robin said that he's not very convincing about this whole thing and it sounds like he's only doing it for someone else. She said that Mel Karmazin was telling her the other day that he highly recommends marriage. He told her how great his has been. Howard said that Mel is very happy in his marriage.
Trish said that Howard seems to be really stressed out about this marriage. Howard said that he is stressed out because he wants things to go right. He said that he hopes that the marriage will be good and things will be fine.
Robin read a story about movie director Eli Roth and how he tried to hit on Lindsay Lohan but she told him that he's too old for her. Robin said that he used to be the kid who sat outside of Howard's door during the filming of Private Parts and now he's too old for Lindsay Lohan.
Robin read a story about a kid who was dating a young girl and her family wanted to get rid of him. Howard said that he has some people close to him who are dating people that just aren't good for them but you can't tell them that. you have to wait for them to wake up and smell the fuckin coffee. Artie said he wished that Dana's friends and family would keep their mouths shut. Howard said he thought that while he was dating her but he'd never say anything to Dana.
Robin read a story about a French woman who brought up some conspiracy theories about 9/11 and how she's taking them back now. Robin read a story about today's primaries. She had a story about the founder of the Weather Channel and how he says that global warming is a sham. That led to Howard talking about this guy and how all he does is put weather on a channel.
Robin read through a few more quick stories about China and how some people are worrying that they're becoming a very large military power. She had some audio of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton that she played. Howard said that Hillary really has to stop yelling during her speeches.
Gary came in and said that they had some breaking NFL news because Brett Favre is going to have a press conference this morning and retire. The last time he did that he broke down and cried. Howard said he really didn't care about that.
Robin had a story about Paul Giamatti playing the part of John Adams in a TV movie. Tom Hanks turned down the part and she had a clip of him talking about turning down the part. Howard said he was annoyed by Tom and someone should tell him to shut up.
Robin had a clip of Robert De Niro talking about his new restaurant in Las Vegas. Howard said he likes Robert De Niro because he's not all full of himself and just gives 3 word answers.
Robin wrapped up her news after doing a story about Hillary Clinton appearing on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. She had some audio clips from that interview. Robin had a story about a new movie that Natalie Portman and Scarlet Johansen are in. Howard was bored hearing Natalie Portman talking about it and cut the audio clip off pretty quick. He ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
After going to commercial Trish interrupted and kept Howard going with her political agenda. She gave him some information about the Clinton's that she had found out from some pilots that used to fly them around. She also talked to Howard about a few other boring subjects and admitted that it was boring.
Trish eventually showed the guys her abs when Howard asked to see what her body looked like. She said that she used to look a lot better before she had kids. They had goofed on her about her age but claimed that they were just joking around with her when they said she looked like she was in her 40s. She was only 35.
Howard had Trish show off her thong before he let her go and finished up his commercial. He told her she looked good no matter how old she was. She said that she was going to go down and get drunk at Del Fresco's after they goofed on her about her age. Artie told her that at least she doesn't have to worry about getting carded down there.
Will said that it was awesome to get to meet him because he's liked him for a while now. He said that he had a lot of great notes about him and he didn't know about a lot of that stuff before he did the research. He said that this time he had a ton of stuff to go over. They talked about how his father used to rough him up until he was like 20 years old.
Jon said that Wyclef has collaborated with just about everyone famous in the music industry. Gary said he saw him get booed one time. He did the national anthem like Jimi Hendrix at a Mets game one time and he got booed by 50,000 people.
Jon talked about the demonstration that Wyclef did on Robin after talking about his porn collection. Gary said that it's always weird when there's physical contact between the guests and them. He said that he really picked Robin right up and started bouncing her up and down. She almost hit her head on a light in her booth while that was going on.
Gary wondered if Robin is going to get shit from Jim Florentine over that. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he'd care if his wife did it but he's pretty sure Jim won't give her a hard time.
Gary said that he's not sure if Robin was that into it when it was happening but Will said that she had love in her eyes out in the hall after the interview.
Jon played a clip of Wyclef doing the demonstration on Robin. Gary said that he started laughing while he was doing that and had to put on a straight face at one point.
Jon asked the guys about the Lauren Hill stories. Gary said he stopped paying attention to her after the second album so he's not sure what Wyclef was saying about her. He said that he met Wyclef out at a bar one night and he's pretty sure that he's the normal one out of that couple.
A caller told the guys he thought that Wyclef was a great guest and he had no idea that he had nailed Lauren Hill. Gary said that he really did a great interview today. They talked about the song he did with Paul Simon and Gary said that he really loved that song. Gary said he liked that song so much that he asked Will for a copy of the CD.
Jon took a call from Mark in Jersey who said that the Taboo movie that Wyclef got that move from was one where they have a lot of incest stuff going on and that move he did today was one where a son was fucking his mom. Mark said that the whole series is about incest but Will didn't think that it was all about incest. Gary said that he was frightened that he was so knowledgeable about those movies.
Jon thought that Wyclef had some interesting thoughts on politics and on the whole immigration thing. Gary said that he doesn't get why Howard is so upset that people are backing Barack Obama. He just won't accept that so many people are into him and he's not sure why. Gary said that Howard kind of makes people sound stupid for being into the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought he heard something that Robin said about Howard and Robin not getting along very well lately. The guy said that he thinks that Howard is saying that Jim isn't right for Robin and he seems to be trying to put a stop to it. Gary said he thinks that this guy was reading too much into it and Howard is happy for Robin when she has a boyfriend.
A caller said that he thought today's show was the most boring that they've ever had on. He talked about how boring he found Wyclef and Uncle Mike. Gary asked the guy what he likes best on the show and what makes a great show. He said he loves when the girls come in and ride the Sybian and things like that. He said he likes Richard and Sal on the show and things like that too. He said he listens every day and today just wasn't a good day.
Jon went to another call from a guy who said that he disagrees with that last caller. He said he loved the Wyclef interview and he's been a fan of his for a long time now. Gary and the caller spent a minute talking about that before Jon took another call.
Another caller said that he thinks that they're cutting Howard a little short about his comments about Barack. He said that he's probably going to go with Hillary and maybe if Barack went with the vice presidency it would be good experience for him in the next election.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking politics and arguing about who might be better at being president. Benjy was arguing that Hillary doesn't really have much more experience than Barack does. The caller said that Barack is very well liked and that's about it. The guys went back and forth about all of that stuff for a few minutes. I took a nap.
The caller that was arguing politics said that he has to turn the show off when they play the prank calls that Sal and Richard make. He said that Howard only keeps them around because their personal lives are so entertaining. He said that they're an embarrassment to the show other than that personal life stuff.
Jon thanked the guy for his call and took another one. The next caller said he loves Sal and Richard. The caller said that he would love to hear the Steven Seagal CD that Wyclef helped produce. Gary said he'd love to hear it too and if anyone can find it, send it in. He said that any celebrity CD that he hasn't heard is great to send in.
Another caller said that he thinks that Fred is a genius at the way he picks out songs to play coming out of the breaks. He liked that he played the Pink Floyd song coming out of one break. The caller also asked if Fred reads e-mail during the show or if he just looks at them after the show. Will said that he odes look at them throughout the show. Gary said that they'll get him in there one day and talk to him about that.
Jon took another call from a guy who got into the politics again. He was telling Gary that Hillary wasn't in on all of the decision making at the White House when her husband was in. He said that just because she was the first lady doesn't mean that she has more experience than Barack does.
Jon went to another call and the next guy said that Hillary Clinton is a shrill cunt. He also brought up that chick who wouldn't shut her yap during the whole time she was in the studio. Gary said that Howard could have shut off her mic at any time if he didn't want her talking. The caller thought she was annoying just like Sal's wife. He said that he wanted to kick her in the uterus because she was so annoying.
Another caller said that he thought that Howard got really serious when he brought up the person in his life that he thought wasn't in a good relationship. Gary didn't hear that part of the show. Jon did and said that he didn't think that Howard was giving too many details about that but he gets what he's talking about. They had to go to break a short time later.
Will said that the interview took a weird spin today and how he wanted to rehab convicts. He said that he was more interested in getting on the air for his own personal use in the pre-interview. He also said that he talks about the murder in his stand-up act and he denied doing that in the interview today.
Jon played a clip of Mike talking with Howard about working comedy clubs. After that they talked about what Benjy had found about him wanting to take people to ball games out in San Diego. Gary said that Benjy probably mis-read the line where he said ''you guys'' and he probably just meant that in general, not that he was looking for guys. Benjy was assuming that he was looking for guys. Benjy thought it was funny either way that he was looking for people to hang out on his balcony.
Gary said that the view that Mike has of the park is really amazing, he has a picture of it on his web site. He said that there's no way he'd ever go up there though.
Gary said that they've had people on the show who have killed people. They had Don King on the show and he had killed a man one time. He thinks that they've had others but he couldn't come up with any names.
The caller said that Gary once talked about the Daniel Carver Roast and said that what made it funny was that it wasn't funny. That was an example of Gary turning things around to turn it into a positive. Gary said that he really believes that though.
The caller said that he has a critique of the show. He said that he just started listening when they moved to SIRIUS. He said he went on SFN one day and said that he got the same complaints. He said that Howard just rushes everyone through the show toward the end. He said that Howard could tighten it up on his own during the breaks instead of rushing everyone along. Gary said that Howard gets tired and he thinks that he does rush things along a little too much once in a while. He said that he got that from him this morning about the Brett Favre thing when Howard told him he didn't care about it.
The caller asked if it's too much to ask for them to act like they like being there when they're getting paid the kind of money they get. Benjy said that's like thinking of Howard as one of those happy deejays that pretends to like every song. If he's being real then he's going to get angry and rush things along because he wants to get out of there.
Benjy told the caller that Howard is only supposed to be there until 10 anyway so he wants to get out as soon as he can. The caller said that people would rather hear a shorter show where he's not complaining about it instead of hearing a longer show where he does complain. Gary told him that he might be in the wrong place then. He told him that maybe he shouldn't listen. The caller said that other fans feel the same way.
Jon went to another call after letting that guy go. The next guy told Gary that he loves the show and he thinks that everyone is quick to make judgments about Uncle Mike. He said that he was on the phone waiting to talk to Uncle Mike. He was going around in circles not getting to the point so Gary told him to take a deep breath and get right to the point. He continued to go around in circles so Gary tried to figure out what he was talking about.
Benjy thought that he was saying that Howard was celebrating the crimes that Wyclef had done and not doing that for Mike. The caller said that was right. He had been to jail himself so that might be why he was sympathizing with him. The guy said that he had gone to jail for buying minors alcohol. That led to the guys asking him why he went to jail for that, he must have done something else. the guy said that he had been in trouble before too so that might be why.
Gary said that Amy Fisher was going to be coming in this week and she tried to kill someone, she just didn't succeed. He said that she had that thought in her mind to kill someone but she didn't actually make it happen.
Shuli reminded Gary about a guy they had on the show where they had a guy admitting to killing his girlfriend on the air. He had never confessed to the crime except on the air so the D.A. actually got a conviction based on that interview.
Jon took another call from a guy who defended Howard about rushing the show and said that he doesn't have a problem with him doing that. He said that he gets when Howard wants to end the show and rushes them through it. Gary said that people love the show so much that they don't want it to end so he gets that. He said that they do have to end it at some point though.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they should come out to Chicago and check out Wrigley Field from on top of a building out there. That led to the guys talking about how the seats out there were all bought up by big corporations that send people up there to watch games instead of going to the stadium.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Snoop Dogg has been on the show and he killed someone. The guys aid that he was accused of killing someone but they were pretty sure he was never convicted. They spent a short time on that.
Benjy said that Eddie Griffin came on the show and talked about blowing up his grandmother's cat with a firecracker. He said that if he had come on the show to just talk about that, everyone would have hated him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the chick, Trish, who was in there sounded just like Lisa G. He said that if she had done the news preview he would have believed it was Lisa. The caller also said that he thought the show was great today. He also wanted to hear the Friday Show come back.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about Lisa G and some of the stuff they were saying about her earlier. There was another caller who told the guys to go tell that one caller to go fuck himself about Howard rushing the show. That's all he wanted to say.
Jon brought up the Gary Garver interviews and what went on there. Gary said that Garver went off on a whole tangent when he did that one interview. They spent a minute on that.
A caller asked Gary to follow up on the story about Howard being with two girls one time. He said he'd like to know more details. Gary said he can see if they can work on that. The caller was also throwing in some ideas for bits that Sal and Richard could do with Robin and Jim Florentine clips.
Jon took a call from Frenchie who said that she thinks that Hillary isn't getting the votes from the women in the country because women are caddy bitches. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
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Howard started off the show talking about the ratings for the stations they left behind on terrestrial radio. He said that they're either down or flat and not moving. He said that the station out in L.A. is down a little bit and he figured that the Stuttering John interview on Adam Carolla's show didn't help out too much. Artie asked if John had tried calling him yet. Howard said he hadn't.
Howard said that Ted Kennedy wanted to make an announcement this morning. He was about to go into his impression but talked about how he thought that Hillary Clinton was going to take the democratic nomination. He said that he's been saying that all along and he still believes that. He said that Barack Obama supporters will realize that he's a lightweight and they will give Hillary the nomination once they start seeing them debating. Robin said that he really hasn't see these debates so he doesn't know that.
Howard said he thinks that Barack is going to get blown away eventually. Artie said that Hillary seems more committed but Barack is a great communicator. Howard said that the scrutiny has begun and it's not looking good for Barack in his opinion.
Howard said he's sticking with his prediction that Hillary is going to be the nominee. Artie said that if they didn't have that asshole spoil it for them, they would have had Sal in there this morning talking about how Hillary was President.
Howard said he hates being doubted on this show and he can't wait for Robin to see that his prediction was right. Artie asked if she's going for Barack because he's black. She said that has nothing to do with it because she's a woman too. Howard said that's the key because black women are put down by the black man in general and they will tell you that it's tougher being a woman than it is being black. Robin said that he's right about that.
Howard said that most guys can't bring themselves to vote for a woman and that's going to be one of Hillary's issues. Artie said that he thinks that some people would like to have a woman in office. Howard said that some of these people out there are back stabbers and they abandoned ship during the primaries.
Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression and gave his thoughts on what Barack should do to change things around a bit. He suggested he get rid of his middle name ''Hussein'' and change it to something more generic. He said that's too Muslim for America. Robin said that Sal said something on the Wrap Up Show about him being Muslim and how he knew that he was because of that name.
Howard, as Ted, continued to talk about Barack and what he should do to get this nomination. He said that he's trying to change his last name to ''O'Bama'' so it seems more Irish. He said that he could change his name to Jesus O'Reilly or something like that.
Ted threw out some other names that he could use and went on and on with more suggestions for Barack. Howard did that impression saying ''Er-uhh'' over and over. Artie got in on it a little bit too and threw out a few lines.
Artie threw out one line about how Ted's head is so big it could be used as a buoy and that led to Howard playing a Baba Booey song parody. Gary came in a short time later with clips of Sal from the Wrap Up Show talking about why he thinks that Barack is a Muslim.
In the clip Sal was talking about who he was going to vote for and explaining that he thought that Barack was a scam artist and he thinks that he's Muslim because he saw a picture of him with a turban on. He said that Muslim's don't like America and he knows that because of 9/11. Howard said he can't imagine being married to him and have to get caught up in these dopey discussions.
Gary asked who the guys think would win in an American history quiz, Sal or his son. Howard said that's another TV show that FOX could rip off from the show. He continued the clip where Sal explained why he doesn't trust Obama and why he thinks that he shouldn't be President. Gary said he thought that Sal was unique but he heard a guy on the news the other night saying almost the same thing.
Howard was going to read some e-mail about Wyclef Jean's appearance yesterday. Artie said that he didn't like his cover of ''Wish You Were Here'' that he performed. Howard said he thought it was kind of fun. He did it at the spur of the moment and didn't plan to do that. Howard replayed that song while they were talking about it. Artie didn't like the way he ended the song with his unique style. He said he just wasn't impressed with the song.
Howard read the mail he got about him and some people were sold on his album because of that performance. There were some people that didn't like the appearance and had to turn off the radio. Artie said that he liked that song he did with Paul Simon.
Howard played Wyclef's performance of ''Fortunate Son'' which he liked. He also liked the song that he did about Robin. He played a clip that wasn't really him where someone was singing ''I Want Robin's Hair Pie.'' Howard said it was on Wyclef's new album but Robin gave him a ''Yeah, right.'' Howard let that song play through and got some laughs out of the guys. Howard said he really liked that one. Robin was laughing at the doubling up of the voice in some parts of the song.
Howard said that they have some new stuff up on Howard TV including an animated special with a bunch of the animated things they did during the K-Rock days. He said they're going to have the AVN special coming up this month. They also have the Mexican Delivery Game up there now as well. It was delayed a couple of days but it's up there now.
Artie said that he watched that game and still laughed even though he was in the studio and saw it live. He said that he wanted to jerk off to Gina Lynn (he called her Ginger). He said that the one guy looked like Lou Costello as a rat and that made him laugh. He said that's a must see episode on Howard TV for sure. Howard said they have a bunch of Bubba stuff on Howard TV as well.
Howard said that the recent Beetlejuice show is on Howard TV too. Artie said Beet was on fire that day and he got to see that one last night too.
Howard said that he's very interested in this merger but he's not sure how much the audience is interested. He said that Jim Cramer had one of these congressmen on who opposes the merger and he wanted to play a little bit of that.
In the clip Jim talked to Congressman Gene Green about the merger and played some clips as he was explaining what the guy was talking about. Jim said that Green had said that he was afraid that the satellite companies were going to jack up the prices after they merge. Jim explained that they've taken care of that and the justice department can actually make them stick to their pricing plan if they want them to. That shouldn't be a concern at all.
Howard said he now sees why Jim yells about everything because there's such idiocy in this country and he has to yell at these idiots to get their attention. In another clip Green talks about how satellite TV and radio are similar but that's just not true. They have different content on satellite radio. Satellite TV has the same content, that's why they've been kept from merging.
Howard said that the congressman really comes across as an idiot when he says those things about TV and Radio being the same type of thing. On satellite radio they have to come up with their own content, on satellite TV they're just rebroadcasting content that TV stations are creating.
Cramer played another clip where the congressman talks about how the satellite companies are going to make it just fine if they continue on as separate companies. Cramer said that of course the companies are going to say they can survive but that doesn't mean that they both will.
Howard said that this guy Cramer is a saint as far as he's concerned. He said it's very depressing to him that these government officials are so messed up.
Howard said that it's really a shame that these congressmen don't get ridiculed for their idiocy and don't get voted out when they make comments like this guy did.
Howard said that it's time for Bruce Willis to step in and put a stop to this stuff. He said that he's not sure if he'd find it as disturbing as he does. Howard said that all of the girls look like they want to fuck and it really bothers him when kids are used by their parents like that.
Howard said he was reading about David Letterman down in St. Barts while he was on vacation. Howard said that they had pictures of him driving around in shorts and he looks miserable. He said it doesn't look like he's having any fun at all. Artie said that he really does look mad in the picture and success isn't working for him.
Artie said that Howard looks happy at a lot of times but Dave looks the opposite and looks angry most of the time.
Howard said that Beth was telling him about how she'd have to break up with him if he cheated on her so they got into a whole discussion about that. Howard told her that he's going to cheat on her this week with Ronnie the Limo Driver. Beth would throw out names to him and say that she'd get even with him if he did something like that.
Howard said Beth asked him what would hurt him more, if she went out and fucked a really hot guy who meant nothing to her or, he finds out that for the past 8 months she had been having an intimate conversation with some guy that she's in love with. Howard said that both would be awful for him. He said that neither one would feel good to him. Howard said that the fucking would be the worst. He said that's what would really bother him even if it was just one time.
Howard said that the Beth thing would be like Eric the Midget and Kendra because they wouldn't be able to get together with each other for some strange reason. He said that Beth asked him if it would bother him if she was fucking around with a woman or a man behind his back. Howard said that either one would be bad because he'd fell he wasn't filling a hole in her life.
Howard said that he tends to focus on just one person in his relationships. He kind of models his parents and he knows that it's not healthy. He said that his parents were like that and they spent all of their time with each other instead if with other friends. Howard said he mimics a lot of what he saw as a kid and that's why he does that.
Artie said that he thinks that Howard is more social as a couple than his parents were. He said that they do go out and do things with other people. Robin said that if something were to happen with Beth, he'd have to recreate all of that stuff he had with her. He has nothing with anyone else. He wouldn't even have anyone to grieve with if something happened.
Artie said that he and his driver were talking about Beth and how cool she really is. He said that the driver even noticed how down to earth she is and pointed that out to him. Fred asked Howard if Beth is feeling the same way about the relationship that he is. Howard said that she doesn't seem to have any problems with it and they're still enjoying each other.
Artie said that his old man used to tell him that having guy friends was good but having a good woman in your life is the most important thing to have.
After playing the clips Howard said that Pat is in trouble again and he has been dropped from ''The Insider'' after going back into rehab recently. He won't be returning to the show after Donny Osmond took over for him.
Howard said that he can't stand these people who fuck up a great thing like this guy has done. Artie said that Howard said that to him when he started there. He knew he was out of control and loved it. Howard said that he's in control of his own life and he just sits there and watches these other people fuck up their lives. He said he's blown away when he sees that people just don't care.
Artie said he saw Pat O'Brien there at SIRIUS a couple of months ago and he didn't look right. Howard said that may have been Scott Greenstein. The he told Scott not to worry, he looks fine, he doesn't want him freaking out over his comments.
Howard, as Elvis, talked about how he never ate any healthy food like brussel sprouts, unless they were dipped in marshmallow.
Artie said that he saw a show where they talked about all of the stuff they found in Elvis' colon when they did the autopsy. He said it was basically spackle in there. Howard said that he would deep fry everything and he'd even eat a shoe if it was deep fried.
Robin told Elvis that his daughter has his face but she makes a very pretty woman. Elvis said that he would deep fry the internet if he was alive today. He said that his colon looked like a swollen sand bag when he died. Artie said they found shit that made it look like a clogged gutter in there.
The guys checked out the pictures of Lisa Marie on Page Six and said that she really is huge. Artie said that she looks like Big Pussy from the Sopranos. Howard continued to do his Elvis impression and goofed on him a little bit. He told Lisa that if she's like his mama, she's got the skunk vagina. He told her to lay off of the crappy food.
Elvis said that he loved his mama so much that he even wanted to fuck her. Robin told Elvis that Priscilla is going to be on Dancing with the Stars and that made him cringe. Robin said she thinks that she's had some plastic surgery too.
Elvis talked about deep frying the lump on the back of his mama's neck. He also said that he's been asked who he would vote for and he'd back Barack Obama because he'd like to make up to the black people that he stole his music from. Artie said that there's probably some dopey Elvis fan out there who is going to think that Elvis came from the grave and said that he's backing Barack and he will actually vote for him because of that.
Artie talked about how men in the old days were real men because they'd fuck anything. Back in the 1800s they didn't shave their bushes and they'd be out churning butter all day and get all stinky.
Howard said that he was done with the Elvis thing. Artie said that he was thinking about the Prada Willi thing when Howard was talking about the lump of flesh thing because they had a story about a kid who befriended a tumor that someone in his family had. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he has to come in and do a show where he just plays music. He said he'd like to do a music show one morning.
Howard mentioned that Jay Thomas is going to be doing a live show on Friday morning this week on Howard 101. He said that they're going to have Jay and his regular cast of characters, including Shuli, this Friday. He said that they'll be taking calls and stuff like that over there live.
Artie said that he's looking forward to hearing Jay do a radio show because he's never really heard him do one. He said he knew him from TV but never from radio.
Artie said that he did that but he didn't sell Benjy out. He said that Teddy was doing all of that for him and it somehow got to Jason and Will. Artie said that he got the idea that Benjy needed a new phone and thought that it was a great gift for him. He gave it to him and he was all excited about it but he wasn't sure if he was doing a bit or not.
A couple of days later Benjy went to Teddy and gave him the phone back saying he didn't want it. Benjy asked for the money from the phone and the 1 year of service. Artie said that it was like $1,200 but he agreed to do it but forgot about it. Then Benjy had to bug Teddy about it and he eventually gave him the money. He said that he ate about 2 g's because of that. He gave the phone to someone else instead of returning it. Artie said that was his side of the story.
Benjy said that he knows what he did was tacky but he didn't think it was that big of a deal. Benjy said he went to Teddy and asked if he had the receipt for the phone so he could return it. He said that he'd take it back himself but Teddy said that he'd deal with it. That's how things went.
Howard said that Artie gave him a gift and it's just not cool to return something like that to the person who gave it to you. He told him he could have returned it himself. Benjy said that he was going to give Artie his money back after this. Artie said that he doesn't have to do that, he just thought it was funny how far things went with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this isn't a big deal, it's just shows that Benjy is a big Jew. Artie said that he wasn't offended by the returning of the phone. He was fine with it. Another caller asked Benjy if he needed the money to pay off Ivy Supersonic.
Lisa G got back to her news and said that they have a story about Gary getting into the Friar's club and how they're throwing a party for him over there. Artie said that he never got a party like that. He went on to talk about how he hates belonging to clubs but they were so nice to him over there at the Friar's club that he ended up joining. He said that was main reason he joined. He said he got in pretty quick because he had Don Buchwald as his sponsor over there.
Gary came in and said that he's really not that excited about this Friar's club thing and he's not sure why everything thinks that he's so into it. Howard said that he was talking about how he was going to take everyone to lunch over there once he got in. Gary said that he never said that and he challenged him to find the tape of him saying that.
Howard did his impression of Gary and goofed on the whole thing. Gary said that he's going to have Jackie come to his induction ceremony and he's only doing that because Jackie is so into it. He said that he doesn't care that much about it himself. Howard said that he would never join that because he doesn't want to deal with people at clubs and things like that. Gary said that he'd rather just sit at home and do things on the internet.
Howard said that he is thinking about starting a chess club near his apartment so he could play in person. Gary said that if Howard didn't need to have sex, he'd be even more anti-social and he'd probably never go out. Howard said that's right.
Gary said that he's not even sure what this induction ceremony involves. He didn't even know there was one until Lisa told him about it.
Gary said that he always had fun going out to the club with Jackie in the past and he's looking forward to having a place like that to eat. Artie told him he could have the same fun going out to Del Fresco's there in the building they work in.
Howard goofed on Gary a little bit more and then Gary went off on him. He said that Howard and Ross and some other guys went to Atlantic City a couple of weeks ago and they sent text messages goofing on him about being bored. That was in reference to Gary being bored out in Las Vegas when he was out there not too long ago. That led to Howard doing his Gary impression and talking about being bored.
Howard said he can't imagine getting a call from Gary saying that he was bored and asking him to come to his room to hang out. Gary did that to Nick DiPaolo. Gary said that they have to get Nick in there one day to talk about comedians that he really dislikes.
Lisa G was done with her Howard 100 News preview so Howard let her go and played a Baba Booey song parody as he continued to goof on him about the boredom thing. They were goofing on Gary about his Friar's club thing and saying that he could be ''Friar Booey'' trying to get a hold of Friar Artie when he gets bored. Fred threw in a couple of Baba Booey song parodies as they were goofing on Gary.
Howard was relentless with his impression of Gary getting bored and talking about all of the stuff he didn't want to do. He was putting on this voice that sounds nothing like Gary but had everyone laughing. Gary said that he loves being goofed on by three of the most mentally unstable people he knows.
Artie was playing the part of Nick DiPaolo while Howard did his Gary impression of him trying to get him to come over to his hotel room to hang out. Howard had Gary wondering about Artie sleeping all day out in Vegas. He said that they should get that animated. Fred played Gary interrupting Howard with his speaker before Howard had to move on.
Howard said that Jamie had this burning desire to be a stand-up comedian. He's married with 3 kids and had an engineering job that paid really well. He dropped that to become a comedian. Jamie said that he was making a great living doing that. He quit his job and went out doing stand-up and his family didn't know until 14 months later when they couldn't pay the mortgage. That's when he broke the news to his wife that he had quit.
Jamie said that he knows that he should have told her sooner. They had a $500,000, 6,000 square foot house and lost that. They bought a tour bus and went out on the road. Jamie said that he had to sell the house and then bought the bus so they could go out and do this tour he's on.
Jamie said that he has two of his kids with him, the other kid is with someone else. Howard played a clip of Will trying to talk to Jamie on the bus that he's driving around in. In the clip one of the kids is crying after the kids got into a fight and the dog went after them. The dog was really protective of the daughter and it got between the two kids and scared the boy.
Howard said that Jamie wrote in and asked Howard to let him know if he's wasting his time in the business. Howard said that he's pretty sure that he's not going to quit at this point even if he tells him he's not good. Jamie said that's probably true. He's too far into it at this point.
Artie asked Jamie how he's doing in the business and found out he's been headlining, but only making $200-300 a gig. He said he's been staying busy doing a lot of gigs though.
Robin said that it might have been a good idea to do this before he quit his job. Howard said that Jamie was going to get up and do a couple of minutes of material for them. He said that they're going to be honest with him and let him know what they really think of the act. Jamie said that he's fine with that. He said his wife has been really good to him even though his wife found out just before Christmas that he didn't have a job.
Jamie said that his bus is out in Stroudsburg, PA right now and he has a van that he follows the bus around in.
Howard heard that Jamie's parents were slow adults and asked him about that. Jamie said that he thought that he was Einstein growing up in that house. He said that his two siblings are slow adults as well so he was the only one in the family that was really smart. He said that he doesn't think that slow adults should be allowed to have kids because they don't know how to raise kids the right way. He said that his brother is in jail for life because of the stuff that he did wrong. Jamie said that it's weird but he's actually glad that his brother is in jail because he knows that someone is feeding and taking care of him.
Howard said that Jamie must be really fucked up in the head. Jamie said that he is. He said that he got emancipated from his parents at 16 and went out and joined the military after finishing school. He said that he's got a 131 IQ and he was really like Einstein when he was a kid, compared to the rest of his family. He said that he had to get out of the house because of the burden of everything that was going on.
Howard said that he's not sure he can give him an honest review after hearing all of this stuff about his life. Jamie said that he's fine with that.
Jamie said that he was the one who had to handle things when they lost their power or something like that at home. He said that his father never thought about the future. He said that he'd get some money and he'd spend it right away. He said that his parents aren't all that slow, they're not like Gary the Retard. He said they might be more like Andrea without the looks. His father drove a truck for a living and his mother could never hold a job.
Jamie said that he really didn't have that tough of a life. He said he hasn't visited his parents a lot lately though. Howard said that shows him that he's not that happy with his upbringing though. Jamie said that he has a lot of anger in his life and that's the reason for all of that.
Howard asked Jamie to perform some of his act for them but he said he wasn't going to be able to give him a bad review. He took a call from a guy who asked if his grandparents are retarded too. Jamie said that they were fine.
Howard gave Jamie his shot and said that he was funny no matter what. Artie said that he'd feel weird doing something like that in the studio. Artie said that he might be used to those numbers for his audience. Howard turned it over to Jamie after that.
Jamie went into his comedy act and told some stories about his family. He talked about his grandmother who was 350 pounds. He said that she would fart in her sleep and they'd go into her room and stick their heads under the covers and let her fart on them. One time his retarded brother got his head stuck between her legs.
That was about it. Gary asked him to do about another minute or so because it wasn't long enough. Robin said that it might work better in a night club, this isn't the right momentum for his act. Artie asked if he has more bits that have a set up and a punch line that would be quicker. Fred told him he needs a quicker hit. They asked him to do his act like he'd start it in a comedy club.
Jamie went into some material about Hillary Clinton and said that's what he did last night. He said that people aren't going to be able to take her seriously because guys are going to be thinking about her sucking on Bill's balls and stuff.
Howard asked Robin if she should stay with comedy. Robin told him that if he likes living in that bus, go ahead and stay in it. Jamie said that he's been doing comedy for about 10 years now. He used to write for some people too. Artie asked him what kind of material he's written for people. He threw out some political jokes that he's written for other people.
Howard said he wasn't sure how to advise him there. Robin said that dealing with what they just saw there, she'd have to say that he has some great stories and good material but it's a delivery problem. She said that there's a lot of work to be done.
Artie was more direct. He told Jamie to give up on comedy if he's been doing this for 10 years. He asked him if he'd like to do 5 minutes during one of his shows. Jamie said that he'd love to do that. Howard said that he'd agree with Artie that he should give up on the stand-up thing. He asked him if he could re-join the air force. Jamie said that he can't do that.
Howard said that after 14 months in radio he was still shitty so maybe Jamie has to take more time and practice what he's doing. He said that no one really knows the answer to that. Jamie had said he was doing this on and off for 10 years but had only been doing it full time for about 14 months.
Artie told Jamie to get up on stage and tell old jokes to get his presence down and then get into his material. Fred told him to come up with a persona and then get into the stories. Artie told him he could steal an act and do a Seinfeld act or something like that just to get in that practice. He told him to make sure he knows that it won't leave the room that he stole the material.
Fred said that Jamie has a look to him that could make him a big star. He said that he just needs a hook. Artie said that Jeff Foxworthy is like that. He has a look and he had that hook that he used to get famous.
Howard said that they're going to tell him to keep working at his craft. He said that he really can't judge someone when they're starting out in their career. Jamie said that he really wanted to go out and get on stage. Artie said that's what you really have to do and that's the way to make things happen. He said that if he's really be doing it for 10 years, and he's still doing it the way he is, then he'd advise him to get out now.
Howard gave Jamie a plug for his Myspace page at Myspace.com/ComedianJamieThomas. Artie said that he's going to have Jamie come out to one of his shows down in Florida so he got in a plug for that as well.
Howard let Jamie go after that and then took some phone calls. He let some people comment on what they had just done.
Gary told Howard that he thinks that Jamie is upset and he looked bummed out about the feedback he got. He said that he was telling Will that he thinks he blew it and used the wrong material. Robin said that he looked kind of depressed when he walked out. Artie said that he's had that look on his face a lot himself.
Artie said that they'll tape Jamie down in Florida and they'll see how he does. Howard had Jamie come back in and asked him why he's walking around bummed out. Jamie said he was fine. Howard told him that he has something going on but they're not sure what it is.
Artie told Jamie that he's really just starting out in the business so he's doing fine for being in there only 14 months.
Artie and Fred gave Jamie some more advice on what kind of material to do when he's performing. Howard told him not to be bummed out and to go out and hone his craft. Artie told him he'll be alright and they'll do the show together on March 22nd down in Florida.
Howard let Jamie go again and Artie said he could tell he was really bummed out. He said he can relate to that. He said the guy seems like a great guy and he feels bad for him.
Howard got in a plug for the upcoming Man Boob contest. He said they're still looking for contestants for the contest.
Howard said that when he started out in the business no one thought that he was going to have the ability to do a radio show. He said that the first 4 years of his career were pretty rocky. They started to get an inkling of his talent in Hartford but it took a long time to hone his act. He said that's all he was trying to tell Jamie about his act. He said that he just needs more time to get it down. Artie said that he's had some really bad gigs where he felt horrible after being up on stage.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they really have big hearts and they really seemed to want to help that guy out. The caller then asked Artie if he had a job for him. He said that he's out of work right now. Howard hung up on him because he had to take a break.
Check out some of Jamie's comedy here http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=877553642.wav and here http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=421561349.wav.
Howard said that he likes that guy Flo Rida and talked about the day he was in there throwing money at the chick who was there. They were cleaning up in the studio and found about $100 worth of singles in the ceiling. They were throwing the money around so much that it must have gotten stuck up there.
Artie asked Howard about the cleaning up thing and if he was actually one of the ''we'' who were cleaning up. Howard said that he and the interns were doing the cleaning up. He said that one of the interns was surprised when he saw him wheeling chairs into the studio one day.
Howard said that he does work and he has no problem wheeling chairs around. He said that he had to work when he was younger. He said that he was always very happy with whatever he had when he could buy it himself. He said that he said he had a Valiant as a car and he was even happy he had that. He said that the only time he got depressed was one time when he wanted an apartment and didn't have $200 that the super wanted him to pay to get him the apartment. He said that he'd never ask his father for that kind of money so he had to turn down the apartment.
Howard said that there are so many people out there who think they should have $300 sneakers and stuff like that and they really don't need that stuff. Artie said that the rich people are flaunted in people's faces like crazy these days.
Howard said he never dreamt of the big houses or cars when he was younger. He just wanted a job. Robin said that wealthy people used to hide their wealth and not flaunt it like they do now. that led to Howard talking about Camp David and how they claim to keep that hidden for security reasons but the real reason is that if the American public saw how our President lives like a king, they'd get pissed.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Camp David thing. He said that if you went to the Bahamas and went to the Atlantis when no one else was there, that's what Camp David is like. He said that George Bush got a look at Camp David when his father was President and that's why he wanted to become President. He said that they should really burn that place to the ground.
Howard said that Camp David has become a perk for the President but he should really be at work and not at play. He said that it's 125 acres in Maryland and they get seduced by all of that.
Howard said he can see Gary knocking on Artie's tent over there. Gary mentioned that he was going to be going to Afghanistan to his kids and they went to school and told the other kids about that. He said that was a mistake because the kids were told that it was dangerous and worried about it. Gary said that he and his kids are fine about it now.
Artie said that he got some calls from some people who are in the military and they're very happy about what's going on. Howard said that he wanted to go but his kids had a problem with it so he's not going.
Ben and Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard said he thinks that they'd have a more productive President if they didn't have that Camp David. Ben said he may be right but the President lets everyone else do all of their work while he meets with people from other countries.
Howard talked to Ben about his thoughts on Hillary Clinton. Ben gave his thoughts on what's going on with her and Barack. He said that even the conservative republican's out there were telling people to vote for Hillary because they knew that McCain was going to take the nomination.
Howard talked to his father about the Jim Cramer clips he played earlier in the show. Ben said that they're trying to ruin satellite radio and that's what's going on with this whole merger thing.
Howard asked Ben what he's having for lunch today. Ben told him to take a guess so Howard thought about it and said it was probably Salmon day. Ben said that he lost, that's not what he was having. That led to Howard talking about the sardine sandwiches that he eats and how gross sardines are. Ben told Howard how he makes his sardine sandwich with bread and sardines.
Howard said that he wants to get his dad a TiVo but he fought him on the DVD player in the past and he's not sure that he'd take that. Ben said that he's very happy about the DVD player now even though he fought him on it.
Howard said that his dad loves Seinfeld and he watches the shows over and over again. Ben told them about one episode that Marlie Matlin was in since Howard had mentioned that she's going to be on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard asked Ben if he'd go nuts if he could introduce him to jerry Seinfeld. Ben said that his show is the best sitcom he's ever seen and no other show comes close to being as funny as that one. He said that he laughs every time he watches the show even when he's seen them a bunch of times.
Robin asked Ben if he watches Curb Your Enthusiasm. Ben said he hasn't seen it and Howard said that he wouldn't like it. He knows him pretty well and he's sure he wouldn't like it.
Howard said that they could ask Ben about anything about Seinfeld and he'd probably know. Artie asked him which two baseball players were in one episode. Ben couldn't remember both of their names so Artie said that was the only episode he really knew.
Howard said that his father always wants to talk about Seinfeld but he doesn't know the show much so he can't really share with him. He said that his father is into the show like some people are into a religion. Ben said that there's some really funny episodes and described them to Howard. Artie said that he's only seen about 20 episodes but he's loved every one that he's seen.
Ben said that they have to watch shows that aren't too stimulating before bed because Ray gets worked up and can't sleep. Ben said that he likes some of the sitcoms that they didn't see when they were on TV years ago. They watch Jeopardy every night and then catch some Home Improvement and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and shows like that. They also watch Seinfeld every night at 7:30.
Ben said that he enjoys the ABC news and the way they present their news. He said that he thinks that some people become used to a channel and just stick with it and that might be why so many people watch Jay Leno. Howard said he gets that and he knows what he means about that because he used to watch the NBC news.
Howard asked Ben if he ever tried to watch Katie Couric. Ben said he did but he didn't think it was the right format with her. He said that if you're going to do news, just do news. He said that he's comfortable with the ABC news so that's why he sticks with that.
Howard had Vinnie Favale on the phone and he wanted to battle Ben in Seinfeld trivia. Vinnie asked Ben what it was that Kramer fed to the horse that gave it gas. Ben knew that one and then answered a couple of others but Vinnie's phone connection was so bad that Howard had to bail out of the call.
Howard said that his father really likes the show and he can give a lot of details about the show. Howard said that this is the same kind of thing that happens when he gets together with his father. He just goes on and on about Seinfeld even though he and Beth know nothing about the show.
Gary came in and asked Ben what George's character came up with for a profession and what the name was he was using. Ben knew that it was an architect and the name was Vandelay. Howard said he has to get his father to meet Jerry Seinfeld. Ben said that he'd be uncomfortable fawning over someone. Howard told him to try not to be bored the rest of the day. Ben told Howard that the only person he falls to the ground for is his son. Howard said ''I wish...''
Artie said he thinks that it's funny that Howard said ''I wish'' when his father said that thing about him. He asked if his father is as obsessed with his show as he is with Seinfeld. Howard said that he knows his show but he's obsessed with Seinfeld. Howard had to wrap up with that segment and wanted to go to break but he said he had forgotten to get to a lot of stuff.
Howard talked about Vinnie's call to the show and how he was breathing heavy into the phone and the phone connection was horrible. Artie said that he's supposed to be going to lunch with Vinnie today at the Friar's club and he may be going with Jackie Martling too.
A caller asked Howard if he's thinking about putting his parents on with their own show again. Howard said that they had an ISDN line installed at their house but he can't get a read on them and if they actually like doing the show. Howard said they do it for him and he doesn't want them to just do it for him. He said that he wants them to have fun. He said his mother complains about the way they've been treated in the past so he's not sure that he wants to ask them to do it again. He said that his mother will say that she'll do it for him but he's not going to keep asking them to do it if they don't want to do it.
Howard thinks that his father really enjoys being on the air but he can't get a straight answer out of those two. Robin said that if his mother isn't enjoying it then Ben isn't going to want to do it. Howard said that's the funny thing, they have to do everything together.
Jon Hein came in and said that Ben really seems to love and enjoy it but his mother just wants to know why people want to hear what she has to say. Howard said that he doesn't want them doing it just to please him, he wants them to enjoy doing it. The caller said that he thinks that they do great when they're on and he'd like to hear them do the show more. Howard said he's not sure what to do about that because he'd love to have them do an hour a week or something.
Artie said that he's done the ISDN line thing and it's great. He said that he doesn't know what to do but he had no problem doing it. Howard has one in his apartment but he doesn't know how to use it. Artie said that even he could tell him how to set it up because it's that easy.
The caller told Howard that he thought it was great that Jay Thomas was doing a show on Friday morning. That led to Artie talking about how he saw Jay walking around in a fur coat there at SIRIUS one day and he wasn't sure what to think about that. Howard said that's kind of femme but maybe he'll talk about that on Friday morning.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using clips of his father talking politics. They took some clips of Ben from one of the shows he did there at SIRIUS and replayed them for this call in show. They used some clips of Ray doing the same thing. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard gave Greg Fitzsimmons a plug for a comedy show he's doing tonight at Town Hall there in the city. He said that Artie is going to be there tonight as well. The show is at 8pm and you can find tickets on Ticketmaster.com
Howard got to Steve Langford and had him come in with his news preview. Steve said they're working on a story about Big Foot who is off his meds and apparently having delusions hallucinations. They're looking to get him some help and asking for anyone who can help to call the news department.
Howard said he had a Big Foot game to play. He said they give Big Foot a word and they have to guess if Big Foot knows the first letter of the word. The first word was Alphabet. Howard said that he thinks that he's going to use the letter L for that one. Big Foot knew that it was A.
Howard said he had $500 to give away so he got a caller on the line to play that game. He said that the prize was from Beecuticals. He played the next word which was Dog. The caller said that he will know it. Robin said no way, Howard said she might be right. Big Foot thought it was the letter B.
Howard said he was going to give the caller another shot and told him if he gets the next 2 out of 3 right he'll give him the 500. The next word was Anus. The caller said that he would get it right. Big Foot said it was K.
Howard played the next word, Cat, the caller said that he thinks that he has to know how to spell that word. He ended up getting it right. The next word was ''Zoological.'' Robin said no way, Fred said no, the caller said no. Big Foot got it right. Howard told the caller he blew it but Robin told him to give him another chance. Howard said he'd do that.
Howard played the next word which was Wordsmith. The caller said no way. Big Foot said C. The caller won his $500. He also said that he has a trailer that he'd be willing to give to Big Foot as a home if he wanted it. Howard told him to talk to the phone screener about that when he put him on hold.
Howard played the rest of the words they had for Big Foot. The next one was actually ''Big Foot'' so the guys talked about whether or not he'd know it. He did know that it started with B. The next one was Toy. Big Foot said it started with B. Artie lost a few bucks to Howard on that one. The next word was Letter. Artie wanted to bet $1000 that he'd know it. Howard took his action but knocked it down to 50 bucks. Big Foot knew it was the letter L. Howard said he was glad to pay him back, especially after hearing his bookie story.
The next word was Telepsychic. Big Foot said that it was the letter D that it started with. The next word was Psycho. He said it started with S.
Steve got back to his news preview and ran through a few more stories. He said they'll be covering the comedy show that Greg Fitzsimmons and Artie are doing. That led to Artie talking about this guy they're doing the benefit show for tonight, Jerry Red Wilson. He ended up contracting Spinal Meningitis and the symptoms hit him on a flight over to Hawaii and by the time they landed he was in a coma. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital from the airport. He had just gotten engaged on the Tonight Show and he was going out to Hawaii to shoot a new TV show. The money is going to a meningitis foundation charity. Artie said that the guy was a big Stern fan too.
Steve said they have a story about Gay.com's article about Artie using the word Fag while talking to High Pitch Mike.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the subjects they'd be covering like Jamie Thomas' visit today and Gary getting into the Friar's club. That led to Howard saying that Gary had told him why he actually got into the Friar's club and how it was after Don Buchwald told him that he might want to make some connections in the business before Howard retires so he might be able to get a job. Howard ended up goofing on Gary again after describing that.
Gary said that he's having lunch with Alan Zweibel who is working on a show with Martin Short soon so he's already making connections. Fred threw in a few Baba Booey song parodies while all of that was being discussed. Howard said that Gary knows how to network because he loves to talk and loves to schmooze. Gary thinks that he'll be able to bring back some guests for the show so this is a good thing.
Howard talked about going to the Friar's club with Henny Youngman one time. He said it was a very weird experience. They talked about some of the old guys who used to go to the club. Howard congratulated Gary on getting into the club. Gary said that it was very heartfelt and sincere.
Jon Hein said that they'll talk about that with Gary and about the other stuff they were talking about with him earlier. They'll be going over a bunch of other stuff as well.
Howard asked Artie who else is going over to the Middle East with him. Artie said that Langford wanted to go but he's not sure if he'll be able to bring him or not. He said there are still some details to work out about all of that stuff.
The guys were talking about one of the guys on American Idol who was a male stripper at one point in his career. Fred got the wrong name and thought that it was someone else. That led to Howard playing some clips from the show. Fred threw in some gagging porn sounds when Howard was playing one of the clips. Howard played a couple of the songs and Fred threw in some gay porn clips over them as well.
Howard said that if Gary is going to be hanging out at the Friar's club he's going to have to change the clothes he wears. He said he can't go there wearing what he wears to work.
Robin read a story about one of the creators of Dungeons and Dragons passing away. Howard did his Darth Nihilus impression and said that's what his name was. Robin had Howard play some clips of that guy talking about his game in the past.
Robin read some more stories about Curtis Sliwa getting John Gambling's spot on a radio station there in New York. Howard said that he deserves the job because at least that guy can get some ratings.
Robin had a story about how some people are allergic to semen. Artie said that he is. That led to Howard asking Robin if she's ever had a load blown on her face and broke out or anything. He asked her what she does when she has a load blown on her. She said that she'll just wipe it off. She doesn't have a problem with a guy doing that too her.
Howard took a call during the news from a guy who brought up the song parody they played before Robin's news. He said that the guy who sang the original song, Pete Burns, is now a girl. He claimed the guy had a sex change operation. Gary came in with some pictures of that guy Pete and showed Howard what he looks like now. Gary said that he was on the Big Brother show in England and he was very volatile. Howard said they have to get that guy on the show. Fred was doing an impression of the guy as if he were Herman Munster. He goofed on the guy a little bit before Howard had to take a break, right around 10:15.
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made using some Crazy Alice audio clips. We also heard Big Foot trying to sing an Eagles song that he didn't know the lyrics to. Fred played some Creed ''Higher'' as they were coming back. Howard took a phone call when he got back but the guy wasn't there when he picked up.
Howard said that there's a clip on the web where they show a soldier throwing a puppy over a cliff but he hasn't watched it. Robin said that she wanted to talk about that because it is apparently a real video and the guy laughed when he heard the puppy land. JD said that he saw the clip and after the clip was on the web the soldier's family ended up getting death threats. Howard said that he can't watch it because it would bother him so much.
Howard said that he had some pictures of Pete Burns showing his balls at some show he did. Artie said that they were huge balls so Howard asked Robin if they're bigger than Jim's balls. She said she has no idea. Artie said they were like elephant balls.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about breasts being uneven. Howard said that all breasts are different sizes. Robin said that they can really show after breast feeding and pregnancy. Robin asked Howard what he does if he's naked and his phone rings. Howard said that he'd pick up and he wouldn't feel uncomfortable if it was a man. He said as long as people can't see him he's fine.
Artie mentioned an article he read in the paper about Jackie doing some show for someone. He figured that he must have a hell of a publicist to get in the paper for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard that story about the jizz and he used to shoot a load into his girl's face and her eyes would blow up like she was having an allergic reaction.
Robin said that there might be an actor's strike coming up soon. Howard said he thinks that they will be going on strike. Artie said that they might go even longer than the writer's did because they're saying that the writer's caved in and are kind of getting fucked up their ass with their deal. The actors will have to hold out even longer to make a good deal.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey's online class that ended up crashing her web site. They were claiming that it shut down the internet but it was just her shitty web site according to Howard. He said that she could have kept it up if she had just spent some money on servers.
Robin read a story about identical triplets that were born recently. She said that it was a natural conception and that's very rare to have identical triplets like that. Howard told her to imagine having 3 people that look like him running around. Howard said that Gary should have been triplets, that way he'd never be bored. That got him into his Gary impression again. He goofed on him for just a few seconds this time.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan's mother getting a reality show where she shows how she's trying to get her daughter into show business. Howard mentioned Jay Thomas doing his show on Friday morning in the middle of that story.
Robin read a story about a baby that had been decapitated in a supermarket in Syria. Fred threw in some Jackie laughs in the middle of that story.
Robin had another story about Hillary Clinton taking the Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island primaries yesterday. She had some audio clips of Hillary talking about those wins. Howard said he really wants to back her but he hates when she yells. Fred played some Wendy the Retard clips where she was yelling and making sounds that were similar to Hillary's. They also talked about Mike Huckabee dropping out of the race.
Robin read through a few more stories including one about Brett Favre's retirement. She had some clips of him talking about why he was retiring. He said he was just tired and it was time to get out. That led to Howard asking Artie who he thinks is the best quarterback of all time. Artie picked Joe Montana but he was also thinking that Dan Marino might be right up there too.
Robin wrapped up her news a short time later. Howard was going to end the show but he had Pete Burns (Sour Shoes) on the phone. He picked up on him and let him sing some Dead or Alive songs for a short time before he hung up. He ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon stayed on the subject of Gary getting into the Friar's club and asked him if he thought he was going to get as much flack as he got today. Gary said that Howard can't be the member or any club, other than the chess club he plays on. He said that Howard would say that playing chess is something intellectual while the Friar's club isn't.
Gary said that he's turning 47 next week and he's going to be one of the youngest guys there at the Friar's club. He said that he's the youth movement there and he thinks that it's kind of fun that he'll be that person.
Benjy said he loves that they can make fun of him about that stuff. He was at the Friar's club yesterday having lunch. He said that he was asked to wear a dinner jacket but he didn't actually have to wear it to go there for lunch. Benjy said that Gary joining was the buzz around the club yesterday too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary what he brings to the Friar's club and told him that maybe he should get a star on the walk of fame too. Gary said that they're not the same thing. The Friar's club is for entertainment people to network with each other. Benjy said it's a great place to meet chicks too. Gary said he was kidding about that because up until a few years ago they didn't even let women in. Benjy said that the women who are there are no younger than about 75.
Another caller asked Gary if he ever wants to just turn off his radio while Howard is goofing on him. Gary said that he was just moderately annoyed. He said that the worst thing is when Sad Sack Sal comes in dancing around in his mask and gets his picture taken.
Jon played some of the audio of Howard goofing on Gary about the Friar's club thing and calling him ''Friar Booey.'' Gary said that part actually made him laugh out loud and that bothered him the least.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Artie has been piling on him more than usual lately. Gary said it does seem that way. He thinks that Artie has just gotten close to him and he knows that he can goof on him. He said that he can fuck with Artie too though.
The caller said that it seemed like Artie didn't want Gary to go to Iraq with him. Gary didn't know that he had said something about that. He said that if that's the way he feels then he won't go. He said that he doesn't want to go if he's not wanted there. He said if he had an issue with it then he should have said something to him.
Gary said that Artie just can't say no to anybody. He said he didn't want to call him two faced but he just can't say no. Artie was saying no to Langford but he may have been going for a joke when he goofed on Gary. Gary said he heard Artie talking to Tim Sabean out in the hall and he was saying that he just can't take Langford being around him for that long when he goes over to entertain the troops.
Gary said he was trying to be helpful and not just trying to tag along with Artie. Benjy said that he's not sure what Artie was going for there but it's possible it was just a joke. Gary said that even if they ask him he won't tell them the truth. He said that if Artie doesn't want him to come he won't say it on the air. He said that he might do it off the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows that Howard will go for good radio and blame that on why he goofs on Gary. He said that he thinks that Howard gets upset when people find success outside of the show and that's why he goofs on him so much. He thinks that Howard realizes that his show is going to come to an end and he's going to have to accept that his people are going to move on and do other things when he leaves.
Jon asked the guy if he thinks it's like that for everyone on the show or just Gary. The caller said that Howard is going to want to get some acknowledgment for his people having some fame when they leave the show. He said that Artie might have a different standard though.
Gary said that Artie does have a different standard because he had a career before he started there. Howard helped Artie out in his career but he didn't make him like he made some other people, like Stuttering John.
Artie came in so the guys asked him if he was just joking about Gary not going with him. Artie said that he was being honest and he was just joking and he does want his best friend to go. He said that his best friend was Gary. He got some applause and some ''Awww'' from the guys when he said that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Artie really wants Gary to go with him to the Middle East. Artie said that Gary came to him and asked to go and he said he'd love to have him there.
Jon asked Artie about the stuff he was saying about Langford out in the hall. Artie said that Gary has let the beast out of the bag now. Gary said that Artie doesn't dislike Langford but he just wants to take a rest from everything and not have him around.
Artie told a story about Steve Langford going to the Pat Cooper roast and saying something about him blurting out the N-word during the act and it made him sound like an asshole. He said that made him mad and pissed him off. Steve Langford came in and said that he had a couple of corrections. He said that when a reporter covers an event, he's going to cover the event. Artie asked him why he made stuff up. Steve said that was bullshit.
Artie said that Steve had made it all up but Steve said that was nonsense. Steve told the audience not to bullshit the audience. He told Artie to stop and listen. He said that Artie didn't like the way they reported the way it happened and if he doesn't like that then he shouldn't have a reporter there.
Steve said that he told the truth about the way it happened. Gary said that Artie was rolling his eyes whenever they called Steve a reporter. The two of them went back and forth about that subject. Steve said that he remembered it differently than Artie did. He said that Artie didn't get away with using the word in his joke while Pat Cooper did. He said that people weren't laughing after his joke while they did laugh at Pat Cooper.
Artie said that he kills with that joke most of the time but that one day maybe it didn't work. Artie told Steve that he was making him appear racist in that news report. Steve said that's not what they were going for though. A short time later they came in with the news story that Artie was referring to and played the clip. In the report Steve was talking about the roast that Artie did for Pat Cooper. He talked about how Pat had thrown out the N-word during his act and got a great reaction but Artie didn't get the same type of reaction when he used it.
Gary said that he thinks that Steve wasn't saying he was racist, he was just saying that the joke didn't go over very well. Artie said he couldn't even follow what the story was about. Artie told Steve that Pat Cooper didn't kill that day either. He said that people were squirming when he was using the N-word and they weren't laughing as much as Steve made it sound like they were.
Artie and Steve went back and forth about that stuff for a short time. Artie was saying that people could read more into the story than they should. Jon thought that Artie was right and people could read into the story because of the way Steve read the story. Artie said that it wasn't clear and that's why he had a problem with it that day. Artie said that Steve was telling the wrong joke during the report and that's another problem he had with it.
A caller told Langford to get out of the fuckin' room because he's annoying. The guy also asked Gary if he's afraid of going over to Iraq and if he's changing his will and stuff. Gary said that he's happy with his will and he's not that worried about going over. Artie said that he's kind of scared because they are going into a war zone. He said that his mother is worried about it as well. He said that he'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried at all. He's not having second thoughts about going though.
Jason asked Gary if he's leaving anything for anyone in the room in his will. Gary said that everything goes to his family so no one in there is getting anything. Jon said that Teddy wanted to know if he's supposed to be going to Iraq with him. Teddy didn't know because Artie didn't tell him if he was going or not. Artie said that if Steve did go, SIRIUS might have to come up with the money. Artie said that the USO wouldn't come up with the money to send him over there. Steve said that he thinks that it's a great story to cover and he thinks that someone should be there to cover it.
Artie said that if Langford was there he'd feel that he'd have to talk to him. Steve said that he wouldn't bother him if he didn't want him to. He didn't bother him the first time he went on Letterman until after he had done the appearance.
Steve said that he thinks that his bosses want him to go to this thing and they really want him to go. Artie said that they'd have to get approval to bring him because he's limited to 5 right now. They'd have to get approval to bring 6.
Gary said that he's going to find out where they're going to be flying in and how that's all going to work. He thinks that they're going to be sleeping in tents. Artie joked that he was actually going to do the show from Secaucus and they were going to make it seem like he was over there. Artie said that they might be doing 3 shows in one night over there. He said they'll be doing a few other nights over a couple of days. He wasn't sure if they were going to have alcohol over there either.
Another caller told Steve to get out of there before Artie threw something at him. Steve said that he's used to that. Artie said that he thinks that Steve does a great job most of the time but they have a disagreement over this one thing.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that everyone is great on the show and she only listens because of Artie Lange. She said that she thinks that Steve is off on this whole thing. She was calling from Toronto so Steve asked her ''Isn't there a hockey game on somewhere up there?'' trying to get rid of her. She told him not to insult her like that because she didn't insult him.
The woman, Dee, went on and on about her support for Gary and also said that she's been told that she can't call in with derogatory calls about Robin on the air. She also said that she's been told that she can't e-mail anything negative about Robin either. Gary said that's bullshit and told her to say anything she wanted about Robin right then. She said that she didn't want to say anything right then because it was another day when she was upset with Robin who she felt was blatantly lying about something.
Dee was going on and on so one of the guys let out a little bit of a snore. She didn't hear it. Jason said he can see why Steve wanted to get out of Canada after hearing this woman. She kept telling them how great they were. Jon eventually let her go. Artie said he had to get out of there and go to a lunch. He said that he usually likes Steve. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that he interviewed Tristan about the show one other time for JumpTheShark.com. He talked to him about that. Gary said that he thinks that the show is incredible and everyone should go out and rent it. Jon said that he thinks that the show is actually better than the Sopranos but they don't get the accolades that other shows do.
Jon and Gary let them go a short time later after giving them some plugs for this Sunday night's series finale.
Jon said that the stories are there, he just needs to deliver them a little better. Benjy said that the setting was bad for stand-up comedy too so that was another problem. He said that if he had been able to adjust for that maybe he would have done better.
Gary said that it was more like a one man show on Broadway and not so much like stand-up. Jon said that the jokes just weren't there but he wondered how that segment would have gone if he wasn't raised by slow adults. Gary said that Howard would have told him to give up the trailer and get out of the business.
Jon played a clip where Howard and Robin were talking about how Jamie did with his comedy. They told him he had great stories but needed to work on that delivery.
Jon took a call after that and the caller said he felt bad for Jamie after that act he did. He said that he must have been really nervous. Gary said that it is a hard room to work in. The caller asked who the worst bomber was on the show doing comedy. Gary said that they used to do a thing at K-Rock when they worked in a studio with a window. They'd go find some comedians and let them perform outside and then they'd close the blinds on them. Howard would let them all come in and sit down even if they did bomb. They had this guy Lou Carey come in and things just didn't go well for him. He said that Howard let him come in and sit down anyway. Gary said that he always finds it funny when people bomb like that though.
A caller told the guys that Jamie never should have quit his job, he should have kept it a hobby. He also threw out a few other comments including one about Jay Thomas' morning show on Friday and how he thinks it's going to bomb. He said he wishes they'd bring the Friday Show back instead.
Another caller said that he can't believe that Jamie guy quit his job to do comedy like that. Jon said that he didn't just quit, he quit and didn't tell his wife for 10 months. Now he's driving around in a bus touring the country.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he likes the way Gary can handle things on the show these days. He doesn't get upset when Howard goofs on him. Gary said that he thinks that he's gotten more confidence over the years because Howard hasn't fired him. He figures he's pretty secure there now so that allows him to let that stuff happen.
Another caller said that Benjy is giving Jews a bad name by returning that phone that Artie gave to him. Benjy said that he would have had to have purchased another year worth of service to activate the phone and he couldn't do that. He said that he thinks that he's close enough to Artie that he can ask to return a gift like that. They spent a few minutes going back and forth about returning gifts and whether or not that's tacky. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show asking JD for an answer for something. He said he was going over some stuff before the show and he wasn't sure if he should use something and asked JD if he should play it right then. He said that JD was mumbling and didn't have an answer for him. JD told him to go ahead and play it then.
Howard played the clip which was a mystery singer performing ''Total Eclipse of the Heart'' and Howard guessed it was Maureen McCormick. He was wrong. Robin wasn't able to figure it out. Fred guessed it was Gary Coleman but he was wrong too. JD gave a hint and said that she's kind of a singer. Everyone was goofing on JD's delivery and mumbling and stumbling over the words like he does.
Howard took some more guesses but wasn't able to figure it out. JD gave more hints and said that she's the child of a famous person. One of the parents is a famous singer. Howard played more of the audio and took some more guesses in his JD impression. Fred was doing the impression too.
Everyone took some more guesses and Artie said that he thinks that JD is having second thoughts about asking Howard to play the song. Howard asked JD who it was. It turned out to be Kelly Osbourne. Howard said he was thinking it wasn't all that good before he said who it was.
Howard played the song again and said that he relied on JD for a decision and maybe in another 2 years he'll do that again. JD said that she was on some British TV show singing that song. Howard told him he did well with that. Artie said that song sounded just as good as Barbara Streissand. Howard said it was good, she wasn't that bad. He played a little more of the performance and said that she's trying to make a music career.
Gary said that Will was telling him that he comes with instructions now and how they have to give him a shot of alcohol because he will get the shakes. They can't give him more than one drink though. Howard heard that his wife lets him get drunk once a week but when he does, he goes out and gets arrested.
Howard said that it's rumored that the movie ''My Blue Heaven'' is based on Henry's life. He said that Henry would go out and get noticed so much that his witness protection program wouldn't work for him.
Howard played some more clips of Henry being drunk after the show when he was there last time. He was out on the street talking about how he wanted a girlfriend. He was barely understandable when he was yelling at everyone about what he wanted.
Howard said he read in Page Six that Richard Johnson was pissed about Patrick's publicist denying the story at first when it turns out the guy is really sick. They denied the story at first and that's apparently the wrong thing to do. Howard said that he gets why he might not want people knowing about the cancer.
Howard said he was reading about this pancreatic cancer and how very few people survive it. If people do survive it, they don't last more than 5 years or so. Artie said that he knew a guy who died of that not too long ago. He said he really didn't do very well and died in the middle of making plans to go out and visit family.
Howard read about some of Patrick Swayze's old co-stars who haven't been keeping in touch with him over the years. Jennifer Gray didn't know that he was sick. Howard read that she was 47 and that made him cringe.
Howard said he was in some cool movies and he was a fan of his. He said he loved ''Ghost'' and that scene when he was with Demi Moore on the pottery wheel. That led to him talking about how she used to have some small tits back in those days but they've ballooned up.
Howard read some stories about Swayze and said that he actually had him on the show. Gary and Robin told him that was Patrick's brother, not Patrick, who was on the show.
Artie talked about the guy who was in ''Ghost'' with Swayze who died of AIDS. He was a heroin addict and got AIDS from that. He told Howard a story about that guy and how he was a comedian and ended up getting out of a heroin bust when he did 5 minutes of material for the cops who were going to arrest him. Howard read some stuff about Swayze's cancer and how they're hoping that he'll make it through the fight.
Artie asked how you invent something like that. Howard said that this guy was doing it for other college kids because they didn't like Myspace and he ended up doing it for free and it took off. Gary said that guy was just on 60 Minutes about a month ago. He said that he started it to do it for college kids to meet each other on campus but then he said that he did it so guys could meet chicks.
Gary said that he created a page over there because his son wanted to be on there. He said that he's got a page and now he gets all kinds of messages from people who want to be his friend. He said that the interns are his friends and people like that. He said it's actually a bit of a chore to have that thing. He said that if you don't see people every day, they can get in contact with you that way.
Howard asked Gary if he gets bored on Facebook and why he didn't use that when he was out in Vegas. Gary said that he didn't have it at the time he was out in Vegas. He said that no one really knows he has that account. Now they do. Gary said that he can block some people, like Rappin' Granny's manager Neil Berliner. He said he just didn't respond to his request.
Howard asked Gary what that guy would have to do to become his friend. Gary said that he just doesn't want him to have access to all of his friends. Gary said that the downside is that all of the intern's friends want him to be his friend. He said that Don Buchwald's daughter wants to be friends and he'd do that if he wanted to find some chicks to date. He said that you really have to be a college student to get what's going on over there.
Gary said that his son Jackson is only allowed to have friends from his school who have been there for the past 3 years or so. He said that he can go on the site and talk to the kids he goes to school with and he can kind of regulate what the kids are doing on there if you go in and look at it.
Howard said that Sal was out in Gary's office with a fake Myspace page made of cardboard with a square cut out showing Gary's face though it.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks his son has gotten any yet. Gary said that it seems like the kids are just interested in sports right now but he thinks that it's going to come to him any day now. He said that he spends a lot of time with the kids and none of them have girlfriends yet. Artie said ''Uh oh!'' when he heard that.
Neil Berliner called in and said that he heard his name mentioned and didn't know what it was about. Howard explained to him what it was about and how Gary had turned down his Facebook request. Neil said that he doesn't feel hurt by that since he doesn't get much recognition for what he does on the show.
Howard said that he heard JD turned down Neil too. Neil said that he may have rejected him and if he did, then he can't come to dinner at his house. JD said that he didn't even know if he had rejected him or not. He said you can just ignore those requests, you don't actually reject them with a button.
Howard asked JD what he's got up on his Facebook page. JD said there's really not much up there other than a couple of pictures. Artie yelled at him for not making any sense.
Neil was telling Howard that he writes some material for the show and he doesn't get any recognition for that. He said that he also didn't know that Gary was going to reject him because he thought that Facebook was just for networking and that's what he was doing with Gary.
Gary said that he was hanging out with Neil down in Florida last year. He said that he has a toupee that looks like a toupee. He said that people ripped the toupee off his head and were parading it around. He said that Neil put up with it and had some fun with it.
Neil asked Gary if he would let him be his friend now. Gary said sure but he explained how he's going to open up all of his friends to him if he does make him his friend. He's going to have access to all 25 of his friends if he does that.
Neil said that those friends would have the opportunity to turn him down if he did that. Gary said that some people just take anyone as their friend though so they might not even know who Neil is. Some people, like JD, will accept just about anyone on Myspace. He said that he has over 9,000 people on his friends list there.
Neil said that he's gotten some writing jobs through his Facebook account. He said that it is a good networking thing. Howard told him that he's done with this whole thing and let Neil go after that.
Gary asked how this guy made so much money through that web site. Howard said that it's the advertising that they do. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard said that JD says that his interests are movies, girls and Guitar Hero. Howard said he wants to see JD playing that game. He asked JD what the game is. Gary explained it to Howard and said that it has nothing to do with playing a real guitar. Howard said that sounds gay.
Howard said he had some audio of JD playing the game but told him that maybe he should take some real guitar lessons. JD said that he doesn't care that much about either one so he wouldn't bother. JD said that his Facebook thing is retarded. Howard asked him how old he is. He said he's 28 after laughing for a few seconds. Howard told JD he sounds like a loser when he writes that his hobby is playing Guitar Hero.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he's going to get JD a gift and wanted to know if he wanted a gift certificate for a strip club or something like clothes. JD said that he'd rather have the strip club money. Artie said that's a real loser move to take that instead of clothing. He said that JD is still under the impression that he's never going to get a girlfriend. He thinks that he's going to get a stripper as a girlfriend. Howard said that he used to think that he could pick up the girls at the strip club and bring them home with him.
Dominic said that he's been able to use Facebook in lawsuits because people will take pictures of their spouse and make false claims about them. Howard thanked him for that and said that it was a fascinating report.
Howard said that he heard that JD sold one of his gifts to someone for 50 cents on the dollar. It was a gift certificate that Artie gave him to Barney's. He gave him a $500 gift card and he sold it for $250 to Jared. JD said that he didn't think he was going to tell anyone about that. That's just one of the reasons he doesn't like him.
Howard said that sometimes he just has no idea what JD is saying to him when he tells him a story. He asked JD about seeing Jared at Rick's Cabaret the other night. JD said that he's not happy when he's around him and he wants nothing to do with him.
Howard told Jared to get some dances from the fat black chick that JD likes over there. Gary said that JD has so much hate for Jared that he won't even say hello to him anymore. He'll just turn his back on him if Jared says hello to him. JD said he just turns and walks away when he sees him.
Artie said that he's tried to play guitar a few times but he has no talent. Howard said that he's just not trying hard enough. Howard said that he has no music talent either but he took some lessons and learned to play it a little bit. He said that Artie could play as good as him if he just took 6 months of lessons. He said that he took some piano lessons as a kid but he was horrible at that.
Artie said that his uncles came to him one time and asked him what he could do to keep himself out of trouble and that led to them getting him a guitar. He said it sat around doing nothing for a long time and then he hocked it so he could gamble with the money.
Howard had Wolf on the phone and he was telling Howard about how he had gone on Rich Little's web site and saw that he's selling charcoal drawings of celebrities there. They spent a short time talking about that.
Howard said that he went over to his parent's house the other day. He said that they have an old poster of his hanging in his old room and he hates the picture. He said it was from the NBC days. She told him that she was going to be remodeling and wanted to know what he wanted her to do with the poster. He said that he might archive it or something. He said that he has a storage area that he keeps old stuff like that and he's going to have it put away. He said that he told her that he'd call Laura and set that up.
Howard said his mother called months later and asked him what he wanted her to do with that poster. He said that they're not even remodeling yet and she's worried about what's going on with this poster that could just sit around forever. He said that there's no one else in the house and they're worried about this stupid poster.
Howard said his mother is going to turn his old room into a knitting room, like she can't just knit somewhere else in the house. He said that they could have just thrown the poster in the garbage and he wouldn't have missed it.
Howard said he can imagine what his parent's conversation about the poster must have been like. He said that he can hear his mother telling his father that Howard told her he'd have Laura call about the poster and she never did. He said that he wants to ask her if she's brain damaged but he just can't do that. He said that they're going to obsess on that poster for the rest of his life. Then it'll become a legendary story.
Howard said he loves his mom but she can really obsess on something. He said that they both do that with stuff. Howard's mother Ray was on the phone a short time later.
Ray told Howard she wanted to say how it really happened. She said that she told Ben that it was time to get rid of the poster because it was yellowing and didn't look as good as it used to. Ben told her that they should ask Howard if he wanted it. They offered it to him and Howard said that he would get someone to pick it up. He never mentioned who he was going to have pick it up. Ben said to her that they would probably be coming soon and they wanted to remind Howard about it just in case he forgot. Ray said she never mentioned Laura. She said that she didn't know what he was talking about today.
Howard said that his mother breaks his heart because she had a tough life growing up. He said that she had a horrible time growing up. Robin told him that he has to get over that because that part of her life is over. Howard said that she used to tell him stories when he was growing up and now he knows her life story like it's his own. He said it's horrible and there isn't a worse life on the planet. Robin told him he's going a little far with that, there are people with much worse lives.
Howard said that his mother sent him a note the other day and her handwriting made him think of her as a little girl living with some relative that her father passed her off to. He said that he imagined her trying to fit in and trying to be loved. He said that she wanted to have perfect writing when she was in school and that's how the letter got to him. He said he took the envelope that he got from her and put it in a box. He's going to save it too.
Robin told him that he's making stuff up in his head that just wasn't true. Howard said that she did try to do the handwriting thing to be loved. that's what broke his heart. Ray asked Howard what was happening to him. He said that he was trying to feel her pain. Robin said that Howard loves to feel bad and that's why he's making up this stuff in his head that just never happened. Howard said that wasn't the case and his mother's sadness is really deep.
Howard said that his mother used to tell him her saga every day of his life. She said that wasn't true and when he tells a story he should make sure he has it right. She said she was just going to throw that poster of his in the garbage and that would have solved everything.
Howard said that he was going to tell everyone his mother's saga but he didn't want her on the phone. He went into his impression of his mother and told the story of her life from the age of 9. He said that her mother went to the hospital and never returned. They never knew what had happened. They never told her what had happened to her mother. He said that her father sent her and her sister off to her aunt Pearl and that's who raised them.
Robin told Howard he knew far too much about this story. Howard told her that she never bothered to learn anything about her mother so maybe that's her problem. He told her that she's mental too and ended his story. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that it has to be crazy for her because so many people despise her. She said that it depends on the room she's walking into and she does feel comfortable sometimes. She said that most people treat her very nice out on Long Island.
Howard said that he watched some of the sex tape of her and her husband but he thinks that they may talk a little too much. He said that he's not sure what career path she's on. He thought that she was going to live a quiet life after getting out of jail. She said that she was going to do that but she had reporters jumping out of bushes and taking pictures of her. She said that she wasn't allowed to live a private life. She said that they were always talking about how she was the girl who shot someone and she wasn't able to move on.
Amy said she realized that the only person who has to accept her is herself. She said that your private life is much different than your public life.
Howard asked Amy about the sex tape and how that got released. She said that she signed off on it and it was okay for her to let it out there. Howard said that she looks like a victim in the tape and he said he's not sure what was going on there. He talked about some of the stuff going on in the tape and how disturbing it was. He said that she was rubbing herself at one point with soap even though she was dry. He said that she's going to have to deal with this in the future and it's going to bring up more and more aggravation.
Amy said that she's not running for public office or anything so that's the way things are. She said that she's not even sure how many tapes they've sold. She said that she has nothing to do with that tape at all and she's not sure what kind of money they're making from it. She said that they haven't gotten any information from the distributor at all. She said they got some money up front. Howard asked her what kind of money she got for that tape but she said it didn't matter.
Howard had Mary Jo's daughter Jessica on the phone. Amy said that she didn't want to take phone calls. Howard said that maybe she should just hear her out. Amy was going to walk out of the studio if Howard put her on the air. She did just that when Howard picked up the phone. Howard said that was the shortest interview he's ever done. Fred said that's what Amy should have done 20 years ago before she shot Mary Jo.
Howard gave Amy a plug for her web site since she did at least make the attempt to come in. That site is AmyFisherCaughtOnTape.com.
Jessica told Howard about how much Amy screwed up her life and how she hasn't spoken to her father in over a year because of his past actions. She was also saying that Amy has to think about what she does before she does it because it can have lasting effects on her and her family. Howard let her vent for a short time and let her go a minute later.
Gary said that when Amy was leaving he was kind of happy that she was leaving and thought ''fuck you, goodbye you skank'' as she was leaving.
Howard said that Chaunce Hayden did an interview with Amy recently and she said some nasty stuff about Mary Jo in the tape. Howard said that he's not that upset that she left. He really couldn't care less.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he's kind of surprised that she walked out and he was hoping that she'd stick around.
Howard said that Amy did commit a serious crime and this whole thing was weird. Artie said that her actions recently are the things that have been driving him crazy. He said that she odes some really awful things and doesn't even acknowledge the fact that she did something horrible when she was younger. Howard and the guys talked about her past and Fred was saying that he thinks that she was a victim in all of what went on with Joey. He said that she's still emotionally fucked up and she may never get the help she needs for that.
Howard said that it's freaky to talk to someone like that because she did shoot someone in head. He said that she really is much better looking in person than she is in that sex video. Howard said that she was really good looking and Robin agreed with him on that. Artie said he was blown away about how hot she was. He said he was about to offer her some money to have sex with him and he also has a bookie that he needs shot.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that just because she's emotionally stunted doesn't mean that she can go out and shoot someone. Another caller said that the whole gang of these people have to get out of there and they need to keep her out.
Captain Janks called in and said that there was one word to describe her and that word was ''cunt.'' He said that they need to refer to her as that in the future. Another caller said that he called in about Uncle Mike the other day and talked about how these ex-cons are never rehabilitated and he wanted to reiterate that this morning.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said that she's still banging guys and cheating on her husband. Howard said that he doesn't know that's true or not. He said that Gary warned him that she might walk out of the interview and he thought he was out of his mind. He didn't expect her to walk out so quick.
Some callers were saying that the interview was the best one yet. Howard said that he wasn't sure how he was going to lighten things up with her and that may have been the best outcome. He said he was relieved he didn't have to do the interview. He said that he's glad that she walked out and playing the porno clips is way more fun.
Howard said that it was probably a mistake booking her for the show in the first place. Robin said that she has the same feelings about Henry Hill but at least he's suffering a lot and living in hell in his life. Howard said that this whole thing will be on Howard TV tomorrow. He said that they followed her right out of there as she walked to the elevators.
Howard said that Amy did look good and he wanted to know if he was out of his mind. He said that what's hot is thinking about her sucking some pussy in prison. He said that maybe if he had just stuck to prison stories it would have been better. He said that he thinks he figured out an angle on her. Artie said that she would have walked out about any of those subjects. He said that she really looked like she was going to be beheaded when she walked in.
Artie said he hates that he wants to bang her after seeing her. He said that's what got Joey into trouble. Howard said he despises what she did but he would bang her. He said that men and women are so much different. He said he can put aside the fact that she shot someone and still want to bang her.
Artie asked Howard if he would say stuff to her about Mary Jo to get into her pants. Howard said he wouldn't be able to do that. He said he's not even sure he could pick her up and bring her back to his apartment if he knew that she had shot someone. He thought more and more about it and started to think that there was no way he could fuck her. He said it might be too dark of a place to go.
Robin said that she can't believe the guys about that stuff because there have been people on the show who have said they'd never do certain people and they go and do them anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what just happened because he missed the whole thing. Howard explained what they had just done and how Amy had walked out on them.
Lisa said that they found out that Jason has a Facebook account for his cat. Artie said that he likes Jason but that is gay... as gay as fuckin' a guy.
Howard moved on to the clips of Steve the Intern going off on Lisa G. He and the other interns were talking about how annoying she is around the offices there. Steve said that she gets into their business and he thinks that the other guys in the office would agree with him. He was yelling about her being annoying and how she's always in his business.
Howard said Gary was telling him that Lisa is very nosey and she will go through stuff to see who sent him something like a box of chocolates. Gary said that Will had something on his desk that Lisa was looking at. Lisa told them not to leave stuff on their desks then.
Will said that he got a note from someone about someone on the show and Lisa picked up the note on the desk and started to talk about it. Lisa said that she wasn't snooping, she just saw the note on his desk and it was in big letters so she read it.
Benjy gave an example of Lisa bothering him and asking about his giant salad and if it makes him gassy. He said that she asks him that a few times a week and the answer is the same every time. He said that it doesn't make him gassy.
Howard said there were some other things on the Intern Show that he wanted to play. There was an intern complaining about getting Artie's bagel every morning. The intern said that he has to go down before this store even opens to get Artie's bagel ready. He said the people don't care about Artie and his fuckin buttered bagel. He said that he has to wait for someone to do the cash register thing and they have to search for the butter. They also complained about Robin's banana. They have to hope that the fruit has gotten there by that time they get here. The one intern said they get Robin a banana and she doesn't even bother to eat it every day.
Artie said that asking for a bagel shouldn't be that big of a deal in the middle of Manhattan. He complained about the amount of butter they get for him and said that they need to get more. Robin said that sometimes she doesn't need a banana because she brings them from home. Howard said that the interns were going off on Gary about getting him chocolate chip cookies too.
Lisa talked about an interview that Richard did for a web site called KillerInterviews.com. She mentioned some of the stuff they talked about with him in that interview.
A caller told Howard that they could kill two birds with one stone by taking Robin's banana and shoving it in Lisa G's pussy. He figured that would stop her from snooping around. Another caller said that he likes when Howard skips over Lisa G's reports and she finds her very annoying.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he could play the Big Foot Game. Howard said they already did that yesterday. He let the guy go and had Lisa wrap up her preview.
Lisa said that she spoke to Mary Carey about the Celebrity Rehab show that she was on. She claims that she's 80 percent sober at this time. They're also asking her to come back to do a second season. Lisa said that they also have a report about Benjy asking Jason to retake pictures of him with his hat on so people don't see his balding head. Howard told him to lose a hundred pounds instead of worrying about his head. He said he should do that if he's so worried about his appearance. Howard told Benjy that none of that makes sense and he liked the old Benjy that ran around there and didn't care how he looked.
Lisa said that the 11th year anniversary of the release of ''Private Parts'' is coming up soon. Howard said he noticed that there was another anniversary he wanted to mention. It was March 5, 2001 when Jackie walked off the show. Howard said that he prints that out every year and celebrates the day every year. He said that he's a Franklin Covey guy and he marks that day in his calendar. He said he also has the Private Parts thing in there as well. He only puts things in there that make him feel good and that day Jackie walked away from the show was one of those days.
Howard read off some of the other stuff in his book. He said that Gary's birthday is coming up on the 14th of March. He read through some of the other notes he had in the book about when they went to number 1 in some markets and when they took on some affiliates and things like that. He said that he checks his book in the morning and when he read the Jackie thing he figured it was going to be a great day on the show.
Howard read that in June of 2007 Gary went in and removed his jizz tissues from his apartment. He said that was another great day for him.
Fred said that there was a smell coming from Benjy and he didn't like it. Benjy asked Howard to come over and smell him so he did. Howard said that there's a stale smell around him and he's not sure where that comes from. Robin wanted to smell it so she left her booth and went over to him.
Robin said that he was completely naked when she went over to him. Benjy said he wouldn't stand up or anything when she came over. Robin went over and smelled him. She went back to her microphone and said that there is a yeasty smell around him but it's not horrible. Benjy said that his underarms don't stink and he wanted them to smell him. No one wanted to do that. They talked about how gross it was that Benjy was sitting on his chair with a naked ass. Fred asked the interns not to swap the chairs around because he didn't want Benjy ass on his chair.
Benjy told the guys he has a good sized cock and he wants them to see it sometime when it's hard. Artie told him that he was going to drop him if he got hard near him. Benjy said he'd go into Robin's office then. She told him that's not going to happen.
Howard played the audio of Ellen doing this commercial for this dog food. He cut if off and said that her delivery is really awful because she acts confused all the time. He said that we know that she knows where she's going with it because it's all rehearsed. He said it's like that Steve Carell guy on the Academy Awards where he pretend to be reading the wrong category. He said that we know that it's all scripted and it's not funny.
Howard got back to the clip of Ellen talking about this dog food trying to be funny. She talks about what she feeds her pets but Howard asked what pets she has if she's giving her dogs back all the time. Ellen just wasn't being funny in this commercial and Howard asked a couple of times what the fuck she was talking about. He said that was some read she did. He said he wasn't sure what that was.
Howard said that Henry needs to drink so he doesn't shake and Lisa will give him some once in a while. Henry was whispering to Howard while Lisa was talking so Howard had to ask him to stop that. Henry said that she is kind of his fiancÚ because he did ask her to marry him. It seemed that he was telling Howard that she wasn't at one point.
Lisa told Howard that she finds it hard to leave a guy like this out on the street. She said it's like leaving her grandfather out on the street. Henry kept asking for something to drink so Howard told him that he'd do that if he told him what it's like to murder a man. Henry said he'd do that if they gave him the booze first.
Henry wasn't talking much but Howard had the guys give him something anyway. Henry said that his hands start to shake when he doesn't drink. He said that he has seizures if he doesn't have something once in a while.
Howard saw that something had just happened to Henry's eye. Robin said that he popped himself in the eye with his Red Bull can. Howard told Henry he really needs to get himself together. He said he's going to try and go into rehab sometime. Artie told him to go on Celebrity Rehab. Henry said that he doesn't really want to go to rehab but they may force him into it.
Howard asked Lisa about what it's like when Henry bangs her. She said that he was good. Howard asked what Henry likes to do. He said he likes blow jobs and she does them good. Lisa didn't like him talking about her like that. Then Henry started to cough like crazy. Artie said it sounds like he's near death. He said that was a death rattle coming out of him.
Robin said that Henry really is a mess. Henry said that he ends up going to the hospital at least once a week. They go to the doctor and they tell him that he's fine. Henry kept coughing and Howard said he has to get out of the business now that he's hit rock bottom with Amy Fisher and Henry Hill interviews.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Henry never killed anyone and he was just a gopher for the mob. Howard asked Henry if he was shining shoes and stuff and not actually doing anything. The caller said he spoke to some guys who said that he knew some people who worked with Henry and they told him that he was just a gopher.
Henry talked about some of the big crimes they pulled off like back in 1967 when they ripped off Air France. He got 60,000 for that one rip off. Howard asked him what the best year was for him in the mob. Henry wasn't answering so Howard told him to get over there and shine his shoes.
Howard asked Henry to let them know what kind of money a guy can make being in the mob. Henry didn't know what kind of money, all he knew is that he wished he'd kept just 2 percent of it so he'd have some money.
Henry said that they fixed the NCAA tournament back in 1979. That led to Artie asking him if he did that when Larry Bird was playing. Henry said he wasn't, this was college. Artie said that's when he was playing for a college team. Henry said that they just had to pay off a couple of guys, not the whole team. They fixed the game so they could make some money on betting.
Howard wanted to find out more about that story but Henry was being a bit of a pain in the ass about it. Henry said that they made about $4200,000 on the game. He said that they shaved points off the game, they didn't really fix the game. Artie told him that's fixing the game either way he looks at it.
Henry told Howard about flying up to Boston to fix this game back then. He said that he had to go up and straighten a guy out about the game and told him not to fuck things up and the guy never did. He said that they went to the guys at Boston College and paid off some guys. Howard asked if this stuff still goes on today. Henry asked him if he was fuckin' kidding with him.
Henry got sidetracked and said he was out in Brooklyn doing something yesterday and they were shooting a show with him. He said he wasn't afraid because they had bodyguards around.
Henry got back to the basketball game fixing stories and named a few people who he had dealt with back then. Gary said that he wasn't sure about what Henry was talking about because he was all over the place. Henry claimed that he told the captain of the team that his arms weren't going to work anymore if he didn't fix the game.
Howard said he can see why the guys in the mob had it with him. He can't get a straight answer out of him. Gary said that he saw a special about some of the scandals that Henry was involved with and they talked about how Henry would go to games and sit in the front row watching and when someone would throw the ball over the backboard, they'd laugh because they knew why he had done it.
Henry said that when he'd get the money for doing stuff like that, he'd have to give it to another guy who would take it to the big guy. Artie asked Henry about what he'd do if his bookie didn't pay him off the $78,000 that he's owed. Henry asked Artie what the cocksucker's name is. He said that he'd take a Louisville Slugger and go see the guy with that. Artie asked if he could fix the problem if he gave him 10 grand. Henry said he could. He said that he hasn't been able to get money out of Warner Brothers so now he has to sue them. They're supposed to give him 7 percent of the back money on that movie.
Lisa said that she actually met Henry through some mob guys. Howard said that it's like a dating service. She said that she saw him outside on a bench out in Santa Monica and he asked her to go buy him some booze. He was homeless at the time so she did him a favor and bought him the drink.
Lisa said that Henry had barged into her store and demanded to use her bathroom. She said she let him use the bathroom because he told her who he was and gave her his wallet. That led to her calling a friend of hers who was the son of a former mobster. Howard cut her off and told her that he wanted off the subject. He didn't want to be messing with anyone in the mob.
Lisa said that she found out that Henry had been in the mob with someone else and mentioned a couple of names. Howard said that he wasn't comfortable talking about that stuff and asked her to drop it. She said it was cool but Howard still wanted to avoid it.
Henry and Lisa talked about seeing Britney Spears in rehab. Henry said that she's a mess and she's heading toward suicide at the rate she's going. Howard found it funny that Henry was talking about someone else being fucked up.
Howard said that Henry is selling his artwork on eBay now. Lisa said that he draws pictures of Howard and those sell really well. Howard said Henry also brought in some of his Sunday Gravy that he sells as well. Henry said that it costs a lot of money to get that shit made and distributed. He said that it's all natural and they sell it at Trader Joe's. He's trying to get it into some other places too.
Gary showed Howard one of the pictures that Henry painted. It was a picture of Henry and Howard together. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard took some phone calls and then told Henry he has to calm down with the drinks. Henry ended up showing them that he has a hernia and he has to quit smoking and drinking to get it operated on. Henry showed them again what he had popping out of his belly. Howard was grossed out by that. Artie told Henry that he has to go to the doctor for that.
Henry kept asking for more booze but Howard didn't want to feed into that. Henry told Howard that he can smoke pot out in California because he has a pot card. Howard didn't sound surprised by that. He asked Henry if he's in love with Lisa. He said of course he is. Then he said ''I love you Lisa'' and then asked for a drink. He said that he's an alcoholic.
Lisa told Howard that when they're home her son is there and he gives Henry a beer every hour. The kid is 20 years old and he keeps Henry under control with the drinking. Lisa said that sometimes he's upset that she's with Henry. She said that she loves him though. Artie asked her if she's doing it because she feels bad for him or something. She said that she likes him and a lot of people love him on Myspace.
Ralph called in and asked what's different about letting henry drink or letting Artie eat all of the crap he eats in there. Howard said that's not the same thing.
Howard asked Lisa about her big boobs and found out she's got D-cups. Artie said that she's got D's and Henry has the DTs. Lisa told the guys about what she does with Henry and how much fun they have together. They go out and hang out together.
Henry gave a shout out to the FBI in Southern California because they've helped him out with some stuff. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and thanked the two of them for coming in. As Henry was leaving he mentioned that he was going to throw his support behind Hillary Clinton. Howard asked him what the other guy's name was and he could only come up with something like ''Bahama.''
Howard talked about how gross that hernia was that popped out of Henry's stomach. He said that it was really nasty. Robin thought it looked like an ass. Howard said he felt like he was going to get TB when Henry was in there coughing.
Howard had some audio clips from the last time Henry was there so he played through some of those. He played the clip of him talking to Lisa G and asking for the Caramel Macchiato. He also had a clip of his cough from earlier in the morning but he couldn't take it. He said that it was too gross. Then Ralph suggested that Artie get a cough like that for when he calls in sick. Howard demonstrated what that might sound like and pretended to call in sick using that nasty cough. Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Henry talking about his Caramel Macchiato.
Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about Henry and Lisa. Robin didn't think that Lisa was any kind of saint, she feels that she has to be punished for something and that's the main reason she's with him.
Artie said he was talking to the guy who wrote the book ''Goodfellas'' about Henry and how tough it was to write it when Henry was in hiding. Artie said that he now wonders if those stories were all made up. The guys figured that Henry may have embellished some of those stories. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that they're looking for around 20 percent of the channels to be given to them for minority programming. Howard said that's great, they just walk in and muscle in on a business. Howard said that the FCC has met with them 23 times already over this. He said that they might as well give everyone a channel then. He said that Jesse Jackson is trying to get in on everything.
Jon Hein came in and said that the 20 percent would also be free to people and they wouldn't have to pay for it, the same as terrestrial radio stations. Gary said that the FCC hasn't been able to find out what the partners are willing to pay and if they're willing to give support for those 20 channels. Howard said that as long as they're going in that direction, why not turn this country communist. He said that they're not just going to give Jesse Jackson 20 percent of the channels there.
Gary said that one of Jesse's most interesting moments was when he went after Coca Cola saying that they weren't representing the black community the right way and a few months later his son owned a few Coke manufacturing plants. Howard said he didn't know that as a fact but Gary said that they read the article on the air. Gary got pissed at Howard for not remembering the story but Howard was just asking if he knew it as a fact.
Howard and Gary went back and forth about the story that Gary mentioned. Howard said he's just trying to cover his bases and make sure that the story was true. Artie said that Gary was taking what Howard said about him saying stuff that wasn't true as an attack. It wasn't that one story. Howard said that after Gary makes mistakes like that he's the one who has to handle the aftermath.
Howard asked Gary to just look into the story after they're done there and make sure that it's a fact. Gary said that he wasn't being stupid. He said that he was just trying to explain himself. Howard said that he was just trying to get it through his head that he was moving on. He wouldn't let go of the story but kept telling Gary that he was the one not letting it go.
Gary asked Howard what it was that he was doing wrong now that he was going off on him about. Howard said that it was his bizarre behavior. He told him to leave the studio. He wanted to talk to him about some other things but now he's ruined it.
Gary said that he had gotten the notes about Jesse Jackson and it turns out that it was his half brother who had gotten the distribution thing. Fred read another one about how Anheuser Busch had given something to his sons. Howard said that's all he wanted to know, he just wanted verification.
Artie wanted to explain to Howard what Gary's point was. He said that Gary got upset when Howard made a general statement about Gary getting stories wrong on the air. He said that Gary didn't know that this was a fact so that's where Howard had the problem so he knows why Howard was doing that.
While they were still talking about that Sal was out in the hall wearing a Baba Booey mask holding a book of facts and eating it. The guys were laughing at what he was doing and said that was pretty funny.
Howard talked about another mistake Gary made on the air where he told him that someone was gay but he hadn't actually read the book that he was quoting from so he was wrong. Howard said he wasn't attacking Gary but that's the way he took it.
Howard said he had some ratings information about some of the stations he left behind on terrestrial radio. He said that one station in San Francisco had dropped down a little bit. He read about some other stations that were in the 1.4 rating area. He said that was enough gloating over that though.
Howard apologized to the audience for making them listen to that argument. Robin said she thinks that they enjoyed it because she's heard some people talk about how they miss the old Howard that wasn't so nice.
Howard said that they have a new one too called ''The Taint I Love'' so he played that one as well. That was to the tune of ''Tainted Love.'' Artie said that some people are gross after hearing that one.
Howard brought up the Ellen Degeneres thing he brought up earlier. He talked about the 5 dogs that she had gotten and given up and how crazy it was that she's doing commercials for this dog food. Robin said that she's not only promoting the dog food, she said that she had bought into the company.
Ralph called in and brought up the story about Benjy that he told yesterday about the iPhone he returned. He said that the service doesn't cost as much as Benjy claimed it did and it sounded like he was trying to get more money out of Artie. Benjy said that he was told by Teddy that it was the amount that Artie wanted to give him, he didn't ask for more. Howard said he was done with that story now.
Mike talked about a book he had coming out soon and how he talks about Howard in the book. Howard said he was afraid of what that might say. Mike said that he talks about Howard not getting credit for ideas he has for TV shows and stuff like that. Artie interrupted him and asked him what the four stories were. He sounded bored. He also asked what he teaches people in his book, how to put an effeminate sound on their voices? Howard had him get to his game a short time later.
Here's how the game works. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that they have a story about a guy who is willing to help out Big Foot by bringing him down to New Jersey to live with him. They'll have more on that later. They also have a story about Eve the Queefer getting arrested while doing a photo shoot at an abandoned hospital up in Massachusetts.
Howard said he had an email about this guy Sixx, who has been on the show a bunch of times, from someone who said he went into the hospital for a simple surgery but he ended up going into a coma and he's been in the coma since September. He said that the writer asked him to give him a shout out.
Steve said that they'll have a story about Artie doing a comedy show last night and doing 24 minutes of material after he was supposed to do just 15.
Howard had some more notes about Sixx and how he's down to 198 pounds after going into the coma after having an allergic reaction to some medication they gave him for the surgery he had.
Steve said that they have a story about Artie going out to lunch with Vinnie Favale and a movie company executive. Steve said that he heard that Artie didn't eat all of his lunch. Howard thought that he was doing that to show off in front of the exec but Artie said that it was just because he was full that he didn't finish. He said there's a really hot chick down there at Del Fresco's too. He said he thinks that she's into him. He said that she's the hostess there and he thinks that he might be able to get her. Howard asked if he wants him to ask her out for him. Artie said that's okay, he can handle it himself.
Howard asked how he knows that she's into him. He said he talked to her for a few minutes once but he could be wrong about it all. He said that he thinks that she's single but Howard said he heard that Jared is friends with her. Artie said that's fine.
Howard thought that Vinnie set up that meeting for Artie to make up for what he did to him with Dana. Artie said that he had started to set that up before he did the Dana thing. Artie said that Jackie the Joke Man was supposed to be at the meeting too but he didn't show up.
Jon Hein came in and talked about what they were going to go over on the Wrap Up Show today. Jon said that they'll be talking about Amy Fisher's quick interview. That led to the guys talking about how some other people have walked out. Rachel Hunter walked out before getting into the studio. Frank Sinatra Jr. also walked out of the green room the last time he was up there.
Jon said that they'll be talking about Henry Hill's visit and a lot of other stuff that they had happening on the show today.
Howard said that maybe the people at the movie company told them that they approached them but they didn't. Howard said he was up for the interview but he didn't know that they were going to ban him from taking phone calls. Lou said that it could have been fun if they had just talked about their porn movie or something.
Howard told Lou that he wasn't going to allow his guests to dictate to him what he can do on the show. Lou said that they were asked if they wanted to take any phone calls and they said no. Howard said that can't be right, they don't ask guests those type of questions. Howard said that it's unfair to expect anyone to have Amy on a show and not talk to her about what she did to make her famous. She shot a woman in the head, that's what made her famous.
Lou said that she became famous for being a columnist. Artie laughed and told him he's good. Lou went on and said that she was forgiven by Mary Jo and they have to move on from that. Howard said that you can't put people on who are known for something like that. Lou thought that he could have talked to her about this sex tape and had some fun.
Howard told Lou that Amy did an interview with Chaunce Hayden and she said some nasty things about Mary Jo. Lou claims that he cut and pasted those comments and that's how he made it sound like she was bad mouthing her. Lou said that she was saying that Mary Jo was a non entity about the interview, not as a human being.
Howard said that he wasn't trying to ambush Amy today. He said that Jessica was just trying to say that everything has repercussions in life and she was trying to tell Amy that putting out a tape like she put out can hurt her family.
Howard said that Jessica wasn't attacking Amy, she was just making a point. Amy chose not to listen and walked out of the studio. Lou thought that he should have given her more time before he went to the call from Jessica.
Lou said that they didn't make that sex tape to put out in the public. He said it was private tapes that they didn't want to release. Howard told him that he's trying to fool the wrong person and he doesn't know who he's trying to fool because he's one of the smartest guy's he's ever going to meet.
Lou suggested that they have Mary Jo on the show and ask her about some of the other stuff that's been said about Mary Jo before. He said that they have nothing bad to say about her at all.
Gary asked Lou if he's going to sue Chaunce over those tapes that he released if he thinks that they were cut and pasted. Lou said he's not going to waste his time with that. Gary told him that's why he's not a credible guy.
Lou said that they weren't nervous about going on the show and he was looking forward to it. Artie told him that any decent human being wouldn't come on the show to promote that movie. Lou said they weren't going to do that but they got a note from Will requesting her for the show.
Howard got off of all of that stuff and asked Lou about the sex tape and some of the stuff he was saying to her in the movie. He played some of the clips for him and asked him what he was thinking when he said he wanted to see her ''little girl clit.'' He tried to get some explanations from him but Lou was just saying that people have fantasies they do in the bedroom and that's what they do.
JD came in and aid that he watched the whole tape and in ever scenario he refers to her as a little girl and she refers to him as her daddy. Lou said that it's 56 minutes long and he can't imagine that it was all him talking to her as a little girl.
Howard said he thinks that Amy should apologize to him for what she did. Lou didn't think that was necessary. Artie told Lou that his wife isn't known for anything other than shooting a woman. He said that someone like OJ Simpson is known for something other than killing two people.
Howard said that Amy can't just ignore what she did in the past. Howard asked Lou if he wanted to take some phone calls. Lou said he had another call coming in so he checked that.
Howard let one caller go off on Lou. The guy called him a liar and Lou told him that he wanted him to say that to his face. He said that he loves his wife and he thinks that she's a good person. He said that she's tried to turn her life around but everyone wants to go back to 1992. He said that she's not that person anymore.
A caller asked Lou if he loves Amy's asshole like he likes her pussy. Lou said he'll shove his nose right in there. Howard asked if they're going to see anal on this film. Lou said that there isn't any on the tape that's out there. He was getting very defensive about all of this stuff.
Another caller asked why he has no problem exploiting this poor woman. Lou went off on him and called him some names and told him to suck his dick. Howard said that Lou is under attack but seems to be handling it okay. He said he wanted to ask him about these fantasies he has about little girls in this video. Lou said that's Howard's fantasy, not his.
Howard gave Lou a plug for AmyFisherCaughtOnTape.com and let him go a short time later. He and the guys talked about how they could have handled the interview a little better but things just didn't work out. Artie said that he'd apologize to Jessica if he were Amy. He wouldn't have walked out like that. Howard played more of the sex tape and then went to commercial.
Jared came in and said that he wants JD to stop talking shit about him if he doesn't like him. He said he's fine with him not liking him but he doesn't need him talking shit. He said that he's fine with him not liking him. He doesn't go around trashing JD like he does to him.
JD came in and said he has no response. He said that Jared got his story out and now he's on the air. He wouldn't even look at Jared. He said he won't talk about him anymore. He said that people like Will are always trying to start shit between them though.
Howard asked JD if he was jealous of Jared's looks and that's why he was so upset with him when he was at the strip club the other night. He said he didn't care about that. Howard heard that JD called Jared a piece of shit one day. JD said he might have done that after his story about the gift card came out.
Jared said that he's fine with JD not wanting to talk to him but he doesn't need him going out behind his bad talking shit about him. JD said that's fine, he won't say a word.
Jared heard that JD flipped out when he was out in Vegas and heard a story about Artie and him going out with some girls. JD said that Jared got very lucky with a Penthouse girl out in Vegas and that's what they were talking about. JD thought the chick was hot and Artie thinks that might be why he was upset.
JD said that he doesn't like Jared's attitude and... whatever. He said that everyone else is fine with it... whatever. He kept saying ''whatever'' instead of getting his thoughts out about what he really thought about Jared.
Gary said that JD always calls Jared arrogant and that's the one word he describes him with all the time. Artie was trying to explain to JD why he shouldn't get so upset with him but Howard cut him off trying to tell him that they wanted to hear JD trying to explain his feelings. He said that was the funny part of the whole thing.
Howard said that JD has to get over this jealousy he has over Jared's looks or whatever it is that he doesn't like. JD said that he doesn't like the way he speaks to him. He kept saying ''I don't know'' and ''whatever'' when Howard and Robin would try to get some answers out of him about what he did wrong.
JD said he had an example of what Jared did to him one time. He said that Jared came in dressed as a pimp on Halloween and he was annoyed by that. He wasn't just joking around, he was being a serious pimp. He found that to be arrogant. Howard said that Jared being dressed as a pimp is what pissed him off? JD said that he's not even sure what they were fighting about that got him so mad.
Howard told JD that he's got his back but he was offended by his Halloween outfit? Jared asked JD why he thinks that he's so arrogant but he's helped him out with stuff before. Artie was laughing his ass off thinking about JD getting mad at Jared over his costume. Jared said he was just wearing a $20 pimp outfit, the same one that Bob Levy was wearing.
Howard asked JD what Jared should dress up like. JD didn't have an answer. He said that he tried to like Jared but he just annoyed the fuck out of him and he got tired of it. He said that he doesn't have to be friends with everyone.
Jared said that JD would hear him talking about going out to places and with people and JD would get upset about them. JD said that he'd lie about stuff too.
Howard said he had to sum up all of this. He told Jared that he can't dress up like a pimp around JD because JD feels bad about himself when he sees him doing that. JD was saying that there are other people around him that don't like Jared. He wasn't naming names though.
Howard said that he heard that JD hates Jared because all of the hot interns are turned on by Jared. JD said that might be part of it. Jared said that JD got pissed at him for talking to his cousin's girlfriend who was an intern there.
Howard said that this was all sounding a little crazy to him and wanted him to apologize to Jared. JD threw one out there but it didn't sound sincere to Howard. Howard was telling him what to do when he saw a picture of Jared in his costume and said that he hated him now too. He was standing next to a really hot chick which turned out to be a bartender that he works with.
JD eventually apologized to Jared and it sounded a little more sincere. Howard told him to shake his hand too but he didn't want to do that. He claimed there was no feud going on there, he just doesn't like him.
Jared said that he tried to help JD hook up with this friend of his but JD ended up getting angry. He said that JD has this anger toward hot chick and he was trying to help him get over that. Howard asked JD if he took offense to that. JD said that he doesn't remember what was going on then... whatever. Howard asked him how many times he can say ''whatever'' in a conversation. JD said he'll use it as many times as he wants to.
Howard took a call from a former intern who said that Jared really does walk around like his shit doesn't stink and there are a lot of other people there who should be coming to JD's defense. Artie said that Jared isn't like that, he's really a nice guy. Fred agreed with Artie on that.
Irish John called in and said that JD is coming off as being a little gay and maybe he has a bit of a man crush on him. JD said that Jared is a nice guy and he will help his friends out with things. Howard cut him off and said that was enough of this. Robin said she thinks that JD is crazy and they might be in trouble there.
Fred threw in some clips from Napoleon Dynamite since JD sounds a lot like that character when he's talking. Howard said it was all very upsetting to him and he was just trying to bring them together.
Artie said he feels bad for JD because now he's in a funk. Howard said that he's stuck dealing with all of this nonsense while Robin is off running around with Jim Florentine.
Gary brought in a news report about Amy Fisher walking off the show this morning. Howard quickly read through that and then had JD come back in. He asked him if he's going to be okay. JD said that he's fine but he can't like everyone in this world and Jared is one that he doesn't like.
Howard had something he had to do before he left. He read a statement about Beck's beer and the people who have been helping them out. He wanted to do it on the air so he doesn't have to do it after the show. He got that out quick and then Artie did one himself. Howard then threw out a thank you to his dentist and then Artie threw one out to the guys at Barney's.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Patrick Swayze and his battle with cancer. She had some audio of the theme song from ''Dirty Dancing.'' Howard said he loved that song and the movie. Artie said he never saw that one or even ''Ghost.'' Howard told him to go out and rent them. Robin played a few more clips from the movies he was in. Howard said that he hopes the guy is okay and makes it through the treatment. Robin said that he's still working through all of this. Artie said that he can't even work when he has a cold.
Robin read a story about an explosion that happened this morning in New York City. The explosion happened at a recruiting office. She read a story about a man who crashed his car into some boulders in a stone quarry after crashing earlier in the same day. Fred threw in a Henry Hill laugh after that story.
Robin read a story about Barack Obama asking people to question Hillary Clinton about having experience. She rushed through a couple more stories and had one about a Vermont town that would let their police arrest George Bush and Dick Cheney for crimes against the constitution. Howard said they should arrest Jared too for dressing up as a pimp.
Robin had pulled some audio clips from last night's American Idol show so Howard played through those. They ended the show a short time later, around 11:05am.
Gary asked the guys if they're clear on why JD doesn't like Jarred. Jon said he's got many reasons and they all play into him not liking him. Benjy talked about some of those things that JD said he didn't like and added them all up and it all made sense to him.
JD said that he's going to go on with his life and just ignore Jarred. Gary said that Scott DePace had Jarred and JD on a split screen and JD's body language was really strange during the argument. JD said that he can't look someone in the eyes when he's arguing with them.
Teddy said that it's kind of the way Gary won't look at him in the eyes. Gary said that he has no problem looking him in the eyes. He said that he and Teddy had a great time out in Vegas. Teddy thinks that things changed when they came back.
Gary said that he used to dislike Teddy until he saw what he has to do for Artie. He said that it's not as black and white as it would seem.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD what's going on with him. He asked him how old he was when he lost his virginity. He said he was 25. The caller said that's the problem right there. JD said that he gets rated the lowest of the guys there but he still likes some of the other guys who are better looking than him, it's just Jarred that he doesn't like.
Gary asked JD if Jarred rubs it in his face that he gets a lot of chicks. JD said that it's not even that, it's just him. He said he doesn't like his arrogance. He said he finds him arrogant and that's it.
Robin came in and told JD that she loves him but she hates to see him feeling bad at work. JD said that he's fine at work and he doesn't have to deal with Jarred in the office that much. Gary asked JD what he'd rather deal with, this or his mother and step-father discussions. JD said he wasn't sure about that. Gary said that Fred had played some Hawaiian music during JD's time on the air earlier.
Robin was telling JD about how bad she feels for him but that wasn't helping JD out at all. She said that she's not sure what she should do. She said that she and Fred were talking about this earlier and it's all about his attitude. She said that he seems to think that other people have a better shot at things in their life than he does but he just needs to change that.
JD said that if he had an attitude he was sorry about that. Robin said that he was killing her with that stuff. Jon said that Robin had this look like a little puppy on her face talking to JD. She told JD that she needs him to go out to lunch with her sometime so she can get to know him better. He said he'd do that.
Jon said that JD is going to think that it's a sympathy lunch. JD said that he doesn't want to be a charity case. Robin said that she'll let him pay for lunch then. He said that he might have to take her to Red Lobster then.
Jarred came in and said that he used to say hi to JD and he'd just walk by him. Now he makes it a point to say hi to him and they don't even look at each other now. Jarred told him that it's ridiculous that they work in the same place and they're doing this. They should keep it professional so that means that they should at least say hello. He said that's just rude. He told him that Jason and Scott DePace can say hello so they should be able to do the same thing.
Robin told JD that he is being rude with him. Gary asked JD what he'd do if he had to deal with Jarred on a regular basis ever day with work. He said that he'd do whatever he has to do to make it work. Gary thinks that he should be able to deal with him like that then. JD said he'll do his best at that but he's not good at socializing to begin with.
Jarred said that he heard that JD was trashing him behind his back and that's the reason that he brought up the gift card that JD sold to him. JD said that his whole thing with Jarred has been him trying to sort of like him but he can't. He said that he liked him here and there but then he'd rub him the wrong way with something and he finally gave up. He said he was done after having a conversation one day and he told him that he was never going to talk to him again. That's what has happened since.
Robin told JD that he made it into what it was. He said that if he didn't care about it then he wouldn't carry on the way he does. She said that she's known about this for a long time. Jarred said that he never even gets to talk to Robin so he said that JD actually made it possible this morning. Robin had to leave after that.
A caller told the guys to leave JD alone and did a bit like that creepy Britney Spears guy did on the web. Another caller said that JD is 28 years old and he should get it together already. He said that he's acting like a little baby. He asked if JD hit on someone that JD was interested in or something. JD said that he's probably hit on every hot girl around there. Jarred said that he doesn't hit on interns. He didn't want him throwing that out there. JD said he wasn't saying it was interns.
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked JD if he's kind of jealous of Jarred and he'd like to be like him. JD said that he would like to be good looking and pick up chicks like he does but only in that sense. The caller said he feels bad for JD because he kind of felt the same when in his life.
Benjy asked JD if he thinks that they'd understand what it is that he has a problem with. JD said that his personality just clashes with Jared's.
Another caller said that sometimes personalities just clash and you have to go your own way. He said that sometimes one is a Capricorn and one is a Sagittarius. Gary told him that was just gay.
Jarred told JD that he doesn't like him going around bad mouthing him behind his back. JD said that he's not the only one doing it there. He said that other people have called him a piece of shit too but he didn't want to get into specifics. Jarred said that he never does that to JD and he wanted him to know that. JD gave him a ''whatever'' for that.
Another caller said that Jarred does come off as being arrogant. He and Jarred argued about that for a minute. Another caller asked how Robin treated some people on the show when she was pissed at them. She said that Robin would ignore them just like JD is doing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that JD should take up guitar like Howard suggested he do earlier. He said he needs some kind of hobby to give him some confidence. JD said that he tried playing guitar and it didn't work for him. That led to Gary and Jon talking about the Guitar Hero game and if Howard really thinks that games are just frivolous or he just doesn't know what Guitar Hero is about. Gary said that he seems to get mad that people don't try to learn the real guitar and play the game instead. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Amy Fisher and how that interview went. Gary said that he thinks that the movie company may have been playing both sides and trying to make it seem like the two sides were asking for each other to get Amy on the show. Will said he kind of felt bad for Amy because it was obvious that she didn't want to do the show. He wasn't surprised that she walked off as quick as she did.
Gary said that Amy was trying to live her life once she got out of jail. He said that he'd like to know what point it was where she decided to just say fuck it and do what she wants to do. Gary was also going off on this guy Lou for talking about the Chaunce Hayden tape being cut and pasted because he heard it and it wasn't edited in his opinion.
Jon said that Amy gives Long Island a bad name. Ralph had come in by then and said that Long Island has a bad name on it's own, it doesn't need Amy to give it a bad name.
Jon played a clip from earlier when Howard took the call from Jessica Buttafuoco and she walked off the show. Amy kept asking Howard not to take the call but he did it anyway. Gary said that he was yelling ''fuck you skank, leave!'' when she left. Jon said he was really screaming that too.
Gary said that the stuff that Lou was saying when he called back was just bullshit. Ralph said that he found it odd that he was thinking that she was popular because of her ''award winning column'' that she wrote. Jon said he liked the way he was arguing with people on the phones.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought that Howard stepped on his own dick when he took that call so early on in the interview. He said that Amy may have shot Mary Jo but they're really friendly with Henry Hill. Gary said that's because Henry will answer questions. Amy won't answer anything about what she did.
Will was actually feeling bad for Amy and said that Henry Hill is a bigger scumbag than she ever was. He said that she was 16 years old, messed up on drugs and being manipulated by a 50 year old scumbag guy. That led to the guys talking about Amy and how messed up her life was and how it's still messed up because she's put this porn tape out. Will said that she's having sex with her husband in the movie though, it's not really a full on porn movie.
Will said that Amy got out and tried to make a life for herself but people wouldn't leave her alone so she decided to take advantage of that and make some money. Will was also saying that if the movie Goodfellas had never been made, Henry probably wouldn't be on the show.
Jon said that the whole thing makes him sick when it comes up. He doesn't like hearing about her in the news. The guys talked about Don King and what he did when he killed someone. They were arguing about Amy and what she can do to make herself famous. They went back and forth with Benjy on that for a short time.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Amy has to live with the fact that she attempted to murder someone. She has to live with it for the rest of her life and it's her fault, no one else's. Gary said that it seems like she's done saying she's sorry for what she did and she's sick of hearing people bring it up. Gary said that she should be apologizing for the rest of her life. Jon said that she could at least address the questions and what she did and then move on to other questions.
Gary talked about some other guests who have walked off the show including Ace Frehley and Eartha Kitt. They had to end the show a short time later. Will quickly mentioned that HowardShrine.net has the Chaunce Hayden / Amy Fisher audio clips.
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Howard had a little bit of a sore throat this morning and bragged that he didn't take a sick day today. He said he had to come in because it's Robin's 50th birthday. She said she read the card he gave her and almost cried. Howard said it took three years of therapy for him to write what he did. He didn't read exactly what he wrote to her though.
Howard said there were a lot of people who wanted to wish her a happy birthday but the only celebrity they could dig up right away was Artie. It turns out Fred had a whole CD full of celebrity birthday wishes for her. Fred said Howard wouldn't stop talking long enough for him to play any of the clips so that's why he didn't tell him he had the CD.
Howard said he had a mystery caller to wish Robin a happy birthday. As soon as everyone heard his voice they knew it was High Pitch Eric. He sang a few lines of ''Happy Birthday'' to her but Howard cut him off and hung up. A listener called in and asked what Robin is doing with Mr. X on her birthday. She said they'll probably just go to dinner. Howard went on to say that Robin's office was filled with flowers this morning. Robin said that she got flowers from her agent, Don Buchwald, and from Tom Chiusano and the radio station.
Howard said he actually hates air conditioning so he's not completely freaked out by the situation but if he were some big fat guy, he'd be going crazy. Howard said they also tell him that it's the way the apartment is vented.
Howard said he'd like to say the name of this company on the air so no one else will use them. Howard said he just wants them to get up there and fix the damn thing. He says he's going to tell the guy that if it's not fixed in three weeks he's going to give out a letter a day until he spells out the name of the company.
Howard took a call from someone who wanted to know if Robin has any grey hair in her pubic area. Robin said that she hasn't found any yet.
Howard talked about a Russian woman who grabbed him out on the street thinking that he was Jerry Seinfeld. He thought that was kind of strange.
A phone caller asked Howard if he's going to take more vacation after the long vacation he took this summer. Howard said that he hopes that he can get even more because he hardly takes any off compared to other people in show business. He also pointed out that teachers get the whole summer off.
Throughout the show Howard played short clips of celebrities wishing Robin Happy Birthday. Some of them were phony clips with just regular people playing the voice of certain celebs. The clips included Colin Hanks, Dana Reeve, Chuck Norris, Antonio Banderas (Phony), Vin Diesel (Phony), Fred Durst, Smokin' Joe Frazier, Jonathan Davis, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Elizabeth Hurley (Phony), Alan Iverson (Phony), Jolene Blalock, Tom Hanks (Phony), Tobey Maguire, The Rock, Geraldo Rivera, Andy Dick and a few others.
Howard said he and Gary had a meeting yesterday and talked about what they're going to do for their 9/11 show. Howard said he heard that a lot of other stations are going commercial free all morning so he's thinking of doing that himself.
That discussion led to the guys talking about some of the strange things that have happened since 9/11. Gary brought up a story about a woman who is suing an airline because they made her drink her own breast milk to prove it was safe since they had no idea what it was. Howard said that's not such a big sacrifice to ensure the safety of our country. He said the woman should drop the lawsuit and get over it.
Stuttering John came in and said that Ronnie the Limo Driver drank some breast milk at his party. For some reason he drank some of Brian Phelan's wife's breast milk out of a bottle. The guys think he did it because he was drunk. Howard said he'd never do anything crazy like that if he got drunk.
Ronnie was also yelling at the party that Artie was the ''new Jackie'' and his girlfriend was the ''new Nancy'' and Jackie was at the party. Gary said he knew that when Ronnie hears about this he's going to come in and say ''What are you talkin' about?'' A few minutes later he came in and said ''What are you talkin' about?'' and had no idea that they predicted he'd say that. After being reminded about the breast milk thing he remembered it. He said he didn't yell about Artie being the new Jackie though.
Howard said that he got an advance copy of the Anna Nicole Smith show and got sucked into it. He didn't think that it was going to be that great but once he watch it he wanted more. He played a clip from the show where Anna is smothering her son with her hugs and kisses. The guys all said they feel sorry for that kid. Howard said E! has a hit on their hands with that show.
Robin brought up last night's ''American Idol'' and how they voted off one of ''the black women.'' Howard seemed to be surprised to hear that.
Howard said they got a lot of mail about Ryan Starr being on the show and a lot of them didn't think she was a good guest. Howard said he doesn't care though because she was hot. Artie said he wanted her back too.
Howard brought up the party that Robin is throwing for Fred next week. Fred's birthday was on July 9th so it's a little late. Robin said that there will be about 35-40 people at the party. She said there will be some surprise guests there too. Fred thanked her in advance because he said he'd probably be miserable afterward.
Robin said they've picked out the type of cake he likes (chocolate, chocolate) and they'll have an open bar. Howard was happy to hear about the alcohol being available.
Robin said there will be about 5 tables at the restaurant and she'll probably have a designated table of honor which would include Howard and Fred. Howard said he doesn't really want that honor though.
KC was also there and he doesn't eat much. Howard said he ordered chicken and didn't eat the skin or anything. Gary and Howard said he eats like a chick. Artie said he's a fascinating guy because he's the healthiest guy in the world but he's got a gambling problem. He said he's at the track on a Wednesday afternoon while everyone else there looks like him (Artie). Howard said KC doesn't talk much. Jason and Will don't talk much either according to Howard.
Gary said 3 years ago Will was a kid who wrote him a letter and idolized him, now he's working for him so he's a little overwhelmed. Will came in and said that he was talking but Howard said he was trying to get them to talk but it was tough. He called Will a dud.
Howard said there were some hot chicks at the table behind them so Howard was trying to get the guys to do work some magic with them but they didn't do anything. Jason came in and said he was a little nervous being out with Howard. Howard joked around and said that they should be more talkative when he takes them on the camping trip that's coming up.
When the guys left the restaurant Gary found a banana on his windshield. It turns out KC was in charge of the parking meter and he didn't have any change so he had to go buy something at someplace to get change. He bought a banana and just put it on Gary's windshield. The guys seem to think he's been hanging around with Jim Florentine too much and that's where he's getting these wacky ideas.
Will and Jason live together in the city since they don't make all that much money working for the show. Dave Chappelle joked that next season on NBC we'll see a new show called ''Will and Jason.''
Howard took another call and the caller sang ''Happy Birthday'' to Robin. Wendy tried to guess who the caller was. She asked him a few questions and Robin recognized his voice. Howard told Wendy it was Bill Clinton and she believed it. Robin broke the news that it was Jon Bon Jovi. Wendy knew his song ''My Life'' and sang some of it for Howard and Jon.
Howard then did his usual thing with Wendy and asked her if Jon raped her. She plays along with it and always says yes. It sounded like Jon was regretting even calling in when that started. Jon told Howard not to make fun of a handicapped woman like that. He said it was mean. Howard joked that all of the guys in the band banged her and she agreed. Wendy did all of her shout-outs to all of her friends but somehow lost the connection before she was able to sing her song. Jon told Howard he was going to hell after all of that.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jon about his new album ''Bounce'' that's coming out October 8th. Howard said Bon Jovi have sold 90 million records during their existence and Jon must be worth a lot. Howard estimated that he's worth about $400 million. John said that sounds like a good number to him.
Wendy the Retard called back and said her phone went dead. She got to sing her song which was, once again, unrecognizable. Jon said it sounded like ''The Vines'' or ''The Hives'' or one of those out of tune garage bands and it was perfect. Howard hung up on her before she finished.
Howard said it was going to play one of Jon's new songs but he played one of those racist songs that they've played in the past. Howard then went on to play some of the new music that's out there and asked him what he thinks of people like Avril Lavigne. John said he thinks Avril is cute so Howard asked him if he'd bang her. John said he might look for her mother but not her. She's too young for him. Howard said he's full of it and he'd bang her.
Howard and Jon ended up talking about this list of the greatest guitar players that Robin brought up the other day. They talked about some of the people who don't belong on the list and the ones who do.
Howard and Jon spent a couple of minutes talking about ''American Idol'' and how great the show is. Then Howard finally got to the new Bon Jovi single ''Every Day'' which is being played on radio stations already.
Howard wrapped up the call and spent a few minutes talking about Jon after he got off the phone. He then took a break.
Fred also played a clip of Howard singing the Foo Fighters' ''Everlong'' which was really bad too. That led to the guys talking about ''American Idol.'' Howard had some clips to play from the show so they did that for a short time. They goofed on Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson about the way they go easy on the contestants. The only guy who has any balls is Simon Cowell. He tells the contestants the way it is and the audience just boos him.
Dave Chappelle asked him if he eats the candy after inserting the dispenser. Robin just wondered why they were talking to him. Howard ended up thanking him a few seconds later and got off the phone. Dennis was about to ask people to give to his Pez Pleasure Palace fund'' but Howard didn't let him give out any info about that.
Howard said he's still getting a lot of e-mail about Anna Nicole Smith and her show. The audience is still split on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to complain about the Anna Nicole thing. He said he feels that the show is ''forced'' and Howard agrees that sometimes it does seem that way. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the show and goofing on the guy on the phone. He had a southern accent so Artie picked up on that and goofed on the guy for a while.
They ended up talking about Daniel Carver from the KKK. Howard said when you hear that guy's accent you can't even take him seriously. Howard replayed the Daniel Carver message he played earlier in the week and made fun of that for a couple of minutes.
The George Takei laugh came in handy after playing the message. Howard then decided to replay the whole George Takei interview for Dave Chappelle. They had some fun making fun of Takei's laugh and deep voice. Howard said he could listen to the interview every day.
Howard moved on and got back to the e-mail he's gotten. He said a few people wrote to him about the Stuttering John interview with Deion Sanders. They loved it so Howard wanted to replay that bit also. He had to take a break first though.
Howard had another mystery caller for Robin's birthday. It was just Crazy Cabbie though. Howard told her it was Janet Reno. Cabbie told Robin what a gem she is to work with every day.
Howard took a call from someone who claims to be attracted to Dave Chappelle. Gay Ramone said he likes Dave because his boyfriend looks just like him. Howard didn't keep him on the phone for long.
Howard took a quick call from Shannon Briggs who was supposed to be a mystery caller. He blurted out his name as soon as Howard picked up. They spent a few minutes talking to him about all of the fights he's lost over the years. He said he wants to take on Mike Tyson now. Howard asked him if there are any other fighters he wants to lose to. He wrapped up the call shortly after that.
Howard also talked about doing ''The Hate Boat'' and may work on something like that together. David also said that he wants Howard to do a Joey Ramone movie with him because he looks kind of like him. Howard said he'd talk to him about that at a later time.
David and Howard spent some time talking about this Lance Bass thing. David said there are other celebrities who also want to go into space and this will be an ongoing thing. He said people like Tom Cruise, Steven Tyler and Cindy Crawford are interested in this stuff. Howard wondered why anyone would want to do anything like that with the Russians because a movie like ''K-19'' shows how incompetent they are. David said that they haven't had any fatalities in their space program yet so they're very competent. (A listener called in later and said that's not true, they've had a couple of deaths over the years.) Howard doesn't understand how a country that can't even supply their people with toilet paper can have a space ship. David told Howard this ship is a new one and will work out just fine.
Wendy the Retard called in again and asked David a bunch of dopey questions. Cerebral Palsy Jack Hammer was also on the phone again with Wendy. Howard didn't let them say all that much before hanging up on them though.
Howard spent a little longer talking to David before getting off the phone. David said sponsors are flocking to this show and it will air on a ''cool, hip, network.'' He wouldn't say what network that is though. He said they'll be making their own announcement in the near future.
The Ghost of Robin's Father called in to wish her a happy birthday. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker who managed to get the delay button hit on him.
Howard said Craig was running around the station saying that he turned down a network development deal worth ''hundreds of thousands of dollars.'' Craig said that he only told John about it and it wasn't ''hundreds of thousands.'' Howard told him that's like running around telling the whole station. Craig said he's got other stuff in the works and he didn't want to commit to just one network. He said the deal would have meant that he could only appear on that network and he didn't want that. He mentioned something about HBO wanting to do some movies with him and stuff like that. Meanwhile, Howard pointed out that he'll be appearing at Uncle Funnies in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida from August 14th to the 18th. Howard moved on to Robin's news and had Craig and Dave Chappelle hang out to comment on stuff.
Daniel Carver from the KKK called in to wish Robin a happy birthday. He had nothing bad to say about her today. Howard said this is the first time he's been on the show that it seems he actually likes Robin. Daniel said she's never done anything to him and he can't say anything bad about her. He said he also likes George Jefferson and Eddie Murphy too because they make him laugh.
Howard asked Daniel if the KKK could remove his hood if other members found out he's wishing Robin a happy birthday. Howard gave Daniel a hypothetical situation and asked if all of the black people had to be sent back to Africa tomorrow, would Robin have to go. He said she'd have to go and so would Eddie Murphy and George Jefferson. He said he wouldn't even write to her.
Howard was still impressed with the progress Daniel has made since he was able to call in and wish her a happy birthday. Howard said this is also the first time Daniel hasn't used ''the N-word'' on the air. Robin used it so Daniel pointed that out and got a laugh out of it. Daniel said he's 52 years old and also said that if Robin is 50, and she's black, she probably won't live much longer.
Howard said he was almost thinking Daniel was calling in from the Martin Luther King center. Artie started quoting some of the stuff Daniel mentioned in the message Howard played earlier. That started to get him revved up so Howard wanted to cut him off before he got carried away.
Howard got off the phone with Daniel and talked about how amazing it was that he didn't say ''the N-word.'' He's still a racist but it seems that he's taking ''baby steps'' toward getting over his racism.
Dave said that they might be shooting some stuff at the comedy clubs in the city. Howard told him to let him know when he's there so he can come check him out.
Craig Gass told Howard that Dave is the funniest guy out there right now too. Howard didn't know what voice he was doing with that comment. Craig had to go into his Sam Kinison after that. Howard asked Craig about doing Sex and the City and what he gets to do in his scenes. He said that he gets to do some sex scenes and it gets pretty graphic. Howard had Craig do some of his other impressions like his Al Pacino.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read through a few more stories while Craig and Dave stuck around. Craig did some more of his Sam Kinison voice during some of the stories.
Howard took a few more mystery calls for Robin. He had Michael Buffer and a few others call in with some quick birthday wishes. Howard also had this guy Mike come in before they ended the show. Mike said that he wanted to tell Robin how lovely he finds her. He said he had some sweaty palms this morning so Howard told him to wipe them on KC's crotch.
Mike told the guys that the show keeps him going and it really means a lot to him. He brought in some flowers for Robin so Howard thanked him for that.
Howard took a call from a wheezing Sal the Stockbroker who was pretending to be Mohammad Ali. A few more people called in with birthday wishes and then Howard wrapped up the show. He thanked Dave for coming in and thanked a few other people who called in. He ended the show around 10:05am (Master Tape Theatre time).