Howard started off the show talking about how they were back after their day off yesterday. He talked about what he did over the weekend after trying to figure out how old Martin Luther King would have been if he had lived. He died at 39 according to Robin. Artie figured he'd be 68 or 69 or so. Howard said that he should be celebrated and saw that they're putting up a monument for him in Washington DC. They have a Chinese guy designing the statue and a lot of black people are upset about that from what he's read.
Robin said that if people are upset about it they should do whatever it takes to make their own and have the statue erected somewhere else. Howard said it's not that easy to do that though. Howard went on to talk about that controversy and joked that the eyes are slanted which he found odd.
Howard said that he was going to get to how he celebrated the day but Robin kept asking him how he celebrated it. He had a lot of time to kill so that's why he was taking so long.
Gary said ''fuck him'' and spent a couple of minutes complaining about the way Jackie used to goof on him. He said Jack ie was relentless with that stuff in the past and he'd never leave it alone, even when they were off the air. He said that everyone else there drops all of that stuff when they're not on the air.
Howard said that Jackie was also complaining about the way Fred has been treating him lately and he doesn't know what he did wrong to him. He said he has no idea what he did to make him hate him. Fred said that he thinks that Jackie is an annoying pain in the ass and he doesn't get that he's a flawed individual and there are things that he does that annoy him.
Fred told the guys about a story he heard from a Poland Spring delivery guy who had to haul one of those huge bottles of water up into Jackie's attic, which is only accessible by a ladder. He said that the guy was really upset about that. He said that Jackie got that up there and Jackie gives him one of his video tapes as gratuity. No cash, one of Jackie's tapes. Howard said that Jackie thought that the attic was another bedroom and he'd keep stuff stored up there and that was how they got their view of the water out there.
Artie said that he thought that Fred and Jackie were getting along the day that they did the roast together. Fred said that he was having a good time but there were some things that Jackie said that rubbed him the wrong way. He said that there was some stuff he said about Benjy that annoyed him and stuff about him too. He said that Jackie came out of the box asking why Fred hates him and he hadn't even done anything on the show to bring that out. Howard cut Fred off and told him that he used up his allotment of talk on the show today.
Howard said that Tom Chiusano has left their old station, K-Rock, and it seems that he's actually being pushed out of the place. Howard said he's not his spokesman but it sounds like they may have been cutting costs over there and Tom was one of the budget cuts.
Howard said he read that they're not making a lot of money over there since he left. He said he now realized how underpaid he was working there too. He said that there are rumors floating around about the station flipping formats to country soon too. He said that they pull a 1 share with the rock format so that makes sense to him. He said that country is more mainstream than it ever has been and there are no country stations in the city now. Robin thought there was one there but Howard thought that they were all gone.
Howard said that they could make some good money with a country format. He's not sure that they're going to be doing that but it wouldn't surprise him if they did that because they have to make money.
Howard said that he was very fond of Tom Chiusano and he doesn't know how the company is going to handle that station without him. He figures that they're going to have a guy covering a group of stations instead.
Robin said that she spoke to Tom and he wasn't ready to retire yet. She said that it was going to be an issue for his wife because he's going to be home all the time and she's not ready for that. Artie said he read a story about Tom possibly coming there. The guys said that was just a rumor though.
Howard said that the death of Martin Luther King was a very big deal to him when he was growing up. He said that he was in school when he was killed and it was scary for him to go into school because he was in a black school.
Howard talked about his mother telling him stories about the old days and how she would ride the subway alone and things like that. Now she locks herself in her house and rarely leaves. She wasn't afraid to send her son to school after King was killed either. She wasn't afraid but Howard was.
Howard said that he didn't spend any time reflecting on King yesterday. Robin said that she's pretty sure that not too many people do. Howard went on to talk about the Giants game and how great that was. Robin was saying that she thinks that they're going to get killed in the big game. Artie said that he bet them in that game and he's up by about a thousand bucks.
Artie went off on Tom Brady for coming to New York and hanging out with his girlfriend there. He said that he should be up in Boston instead. Howard was saying that they saw Brady with a big boot on his foot and there are stories about him possibly being injured but Howard is thinking that maybe it's just a psychological thing and they're faking the injury to fool everyone. Artie said that the Giants coaching staff would be retarded not to play it as if he were 100 percent.
Howard said that they usually try to hide injuries and these pictures clearly show that he's injured. They talked about how strange that was. Howard asked Artie if he's going to bet the Giants again or not. Artie said he has to talk to some Giants fans to figure that out. He's not sure at this time but he's pretty sure he has to go with them.
Howard said that he's been a fan of theirs since college so he has to back them up in the big game. They talked about the game a little bit and some of the stuff that was going on during that. Howard and Artie talked about how they thought that they were going to lose after missing the one field goal.
Howard said that Artie must put some really big money on the game. He said that he's got to be a bigger fan than even he is because he puts his money where his mouth is. He said that Artie deserves a ring if they win the big game.
Howard said that he was watching the game and heard that the Giants' bench wasn't heated while the Packers was and it really pissed him off when he heard that.
Artie agreed with Howard and said she is hot. Fred said she is too. Robin wasn't so sure about that though. Artie went on to talk about doing a gig out at a club in Syracuse, New York and they had this really hot chick helping them out up there. He said that she was so hot and she reminded him of this Rachel Bilson chick. He said he actually jerked off to her that night that he was up there. He said he tried Eric the Midget's ''fuck the bed'' method and he really liked it. He said he was rubbing his pillow and kissing it and it was great. He said he had to thank Eric for that idea.
Artie said that he's tried that before at other hotels and it really works well. Howard asked him if he blew his load on the pillow. Artie said he does finish in the sheets. He said he made sure that the maids were Mexican because he doesn't care when they are. He said he may not jerk off to that chick ever again but she was so hot that he had to do it to her that night. Artie said that he wanted to get that chick's number but she turned out to be engaged.
Howard told Eric that his ''girlfriend'' was out at a strip club over the weekend. They had a picture of a billboard where they were telling people to come out and meet her before he does. Howard told Eric about what was going on with that.
Will came in and said that he didn't want to be a big buzz kill but she wasn't actually at the club, the owner did it as a goof. He's apparently a big fan of the show and that's why he did it. Gary said that the ad in the paper that they got showed that she is a dancer though.
Howard asked Eric if she's a dancer or not. Eric said that she has mentioned it to him. He said that he wanted to clarify something. He said that she only takes her top off and she has pasties on when she takes her top off. He wasn't sure if she gave lap dances or not though.
Howard asked Eric what he wanted to be called now since there was some confusion the other day. He played a bunch of those edited clips that they've been creating lately. He had a bunch of new ones like Eric the...
Howard asked Eric for more suggestions for what he'd like to be called and Artie threw in ''Eric the Bed Fucker'' since he was talking about that a little earlier. He also talked about how he broke the bed one time when he was banging Dana.
Howard asked Eric when he's going to sing this song he's writing. He said he might do it by Thursday. He didn't want to sing or give them any lyrics this morning. He said that he wanted to save them until Thursday. Eric said that he and his friend Brandon are writing it together.
Howard played a few more clips of Eric's new names and went on to say that Eric is going to be doing his American Idol commentary show again tonight with his co-host Gina. Eric said that they worked out some technical problems and they should sound better this week. Howard asked Eric what his co-host is going to call him and played ''Eric the Major Cock.'' That got some laughs out of Artie and Robin. Artie asked Eric if he prepares for being really bad on that show by doing something else he sucks at. Eric just goofed on Artie and threw in some fat jokes about him.
Howard played some clips from last week's Eric the Actor American Idol show that he did on his web cam. Eric was talking about the show end coming up and how he didn't get why they were doing what they were doing with the one Asian guy. Howard said that it really sounds like the lunar landing audio with Eric and Gina talking to each other.
Howard goofed on the clips for a few seconds, gave Eric some more plugs and played some more of the clips of him saying ''Eric the...'' Robin asked Eric how many times he talked to his girlfriend over the weekend. Eric said it was a few times.
Howard said that the special surprise he was working on for Eric didn't work out. He was trying to get him on the red carpet at the Rambo premiere but it didn't work out. Eric said that would have been cool but Artie told him that they have a strict ''no asshole'' rule. Artie said he had some other names for Eric and said that he could be called ''Eric the dye haired midget who thinks he has a girlfriend.'' Eric insists that he has a girlfriend, they just haven't met in person yet. Howard asked when they're going to meet and Eric said that it should be soon.
Howard played some more ''Eric the...'' clips and replayed a few that he had played earlier. Eric said that his girlfriend calls him sweetie, sweetheart and honey. Eric said that he calls her angel and beautiful among other things. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking to him about that before Howard had to let him go. Howard wished him luck with his show on JFSC.tv that will be live during the west coast feed of American Idol. Gary said that he's still working on getting Kendra on the show too.
Howard said he got an e-mail from someone who thinks that Gary is doing this for attention. Howard said he doesn't think that Gary will get braces. Howard, Robin and Artie all said they predict that he won't be getting them. Benjy said he thinks that he'll have something done but not braces. Fred wasn't sure about what he'll do.
The caller was also complaining about Gary wearing the same jacket every day for the past 2 years. Gary came in to defend himself saying that he just wears it to keep him warm at work. The caller said that it must be smelly but Gary gave him a big ''fuck you'' and said he doesn't know him and he doesn't know that it stinks.
The guys talked about how crazy some of the people on the show were going to get if Gary actually went through with this whole thing. Sal was in Gary's office, as they spoke, doing his impression of Gary doing his stuff with some balls of aluminum foil on his Gary mask. Howard said that they're going to have to have Jackie come in one day if Gary does go through with this. Artie said that he'd take the month off so Jackie could replace him for that time. Howard said he's not giving him a month off, he should be taking the month off himself.
Gary asked if anyone is buying into the whole thing about how he's doing this just for attention. The guys seemed to think that it could be a possibility. The caller said that Gary loves hearing his own voice on the Wrap Up Show so he wouldn't be surprised. Gary said that's his job though, he's supposed to talk on that show. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said they were going to get to Gary and his braces and also talk to Danny Bonaduce and talk about David Spade. He said that he and David did talk via e-mail and they have made plans to speak on the phone. He didn't elaborate on what they talked about. He said he does have someone calling in about that who says he thinks that Spade is being railroaded though.
Howard said that Robin took him out to dinner for his birthday over the weekend. She didn't make a big deal out of the whole thing though, she kept it small and only Artie as invited. Artie said he found that kind of odd. Robin said that she and Jim made the plans and Jim was the one who suggested calling Artie to come along. Fred found that kind of weird too and he said that it's obvious that Jim must not like him.
Howard said that he was having a good time out at dinner but he had to tell Jim that he can't look at him the way he used to anymore. He said that now that he's dating Robin he's changed in his mind. Fred said he likes how the newcomer to the group can say who gets to come to dinner or not.
Howard said that Jim was a real trooper that night because all they kept getting for the meal was fish and Jim doesn't even like fish. Artie said he was waiting for Jim to do something goofy the whole night but nothing happened. He said that he's whipped now. He likes Robin so much that he won't ask the waiter to dump pepper on his plate until his food is completely covered anymore.
Howard said that Robin's vagina is an amazing finishing school. She's managed to refine Jim Florentine into this new man. He said that if that's not love, he doesn't know what is. She's turned Jim's life around. Fred did his impression of Jim a little bit and had some fun goofing around with that for a short time.
Howard said that Artie brought him a bottle of champagne for his birthday. He asked Robin if Jim was wearing jeans out to dinner that night. She said he was and Howard wondered what was up with that. He didn't think that he was dressed correctly for that restaurant. Robin said that he is a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. She didn't know what he was going to wear to dinner although he did wear something similar another time they went to the same place.
Howard said that he was appropriately dressed. Artie wasn't according to Robin. She said that he shouldn't be carrying on about him when he wears what he wears. Howard said that Artie could have worn a nicer outfit. Robin said he could have shaved too. Howard said that he's surprised that they let them into the restaurant at all. He said that he gets dressed up when he goes to a place like that even though he'd rather be wearing jeans.
Howard said that Artie was the life of the party and told a bunch of great stories while they were at dinner. He said that it was like Artie from the radio show and the kind of guy he expects to see when he goes out with him. Artie said that he had a lot of fun that night and they had a lot of laughs together.
Howard thanked Robin for the dinner and said that it was great hanging out with Jim too. Robin thought that Fred was being silent because he was upset about not being invited. Fred did a little more of his Jim impression before Howard had to move on.
Howard said that he heard that Danny met this 25 year old girl that he's dating just a half hour after his wife asked for a divorce. Danny said that his marriage lasted almost 20 years so that was pretty amazing. He said he did marry her very quickly but it lasted.
Danny said that he got his wife a date on the radio show when he was on there. He said that he promised not to hurt anyone who dated her and even said that he'd support them and try to help them out so he could get her married.
Danny asked his girlfriend Amy to wake up so she could talk to Howard. She didn't get on right away so Howard asked Danny about this Adam Carolla thing. Danny said that Adam is a genius and he likes him but he apparently didn't like him back. He said that they gave him an hour long show of his own after they booted him off of Adam's show and he's just as happy doing that as the full show because they're paying him the same.
Danny said that he's been pretty sober for the past couple of years and last year he only had about 5 drinks. Howard asked him why he would get naked on stage and show his penis. He showed the guys the picture and the guys said that it was barely there. Howard asked him what's going on with the balls. Danny said he was at the Erotic Exotic Ball and he was told that he should go out and dance with the Chipendales dancers. He said that in the picture was going up because he was just coming up from a bow and that's why it all looks odd. He said he does admit that it's not that big though. He will be in Penthouse magazine showing that it's not as small as it appears in that picture though. He said that it's still small in those pictures, it's just not that small.
Howard asked Danny about what went on with Johnny Fairplay who had jumped on him on stage at an awards show. Danny said that he was acting in self defense and the D.A. agreed with him. Howard thought he had every right to do what he did but Fred didn't. That led to Fred talking about what he thinks Danny could have done that time. He didn't have to throw him over his head and onto the stage. Howard and Robin seemed to agree with what Danny did to get the guy off of him. Danny said that he had a guy rubbing his genitals on his chest and he didn't want him doing that so he threw him off. Danny said that Fairplay is suing him civilly and he thinks that case will be thrown out as well.
Danny said that he just did another one of these boxing matches and beat this DJ down in Philly. He said he did it for charity but now the guy wants a rematch. He said he won't do another one for charity, he wants some money to do it again. Danny won that match in a unanimous decision.
Howard said that Danny is promoting this Tahiti Village thing that a bunch of other celebrities are promoting. Danny said that they're giving away 3 days and 2 nights of a free stay out there at a hotel in Las Vegas and he'll be out there to meet and greet the fans who show up. He said he loves it and he can't wait to do it. He said that he gets to stay free out there and he gets to go to a free show. He said that you just have to call 866-70-GO-WIN
Howard asked Danny about his show ''Breaking Bonaduce'' and what's going on with that. He said that's over but he's got a new show coming out later this year that he's part of. That led to the guys talking about the show ''Celebrity Rehab'' which is really good according to everyone. Danny said he was going to do that show but he wasn't having any problems at the time. He was going to get himself back into the booze and drugs just so he could go do that show but Dr. Drew told him not to do it. The guys talked about Jeff Conaway and how much of a mess he is on that show. They all agree that Jeff is too far gone at this point to be rehabilitated.
Howard asked Danny about the Tahiti Village thing and if he gets a better deal than other people. Danny said he has no idea how much he's getting paid yet. He hasn't found that out. He just knows that he can go to Vegas and not have to pay to stay out there. That's all he cares about.
Howard took some phone calls and the first woman was asking Danny about some stuff that Howard didn't seem to get so he quickly moved on. One guy said that he was a cop and if he showed up that day when Danny threw Johnny Fairplay over his head, he doesn't think that things would have gone down the same way. Danny thinks that he's an idiot to sue and it's going to cost him a fortune. The caller said that the winner usually gets locked.
Robin asked Danny if he's glad that his marriage has ended. Danny said that his girlfriend is very inexperienced so he's got her doing all kinds of weird stuff. He said they have tons of porn, tons of vibrators and stuff and she never wants to stop banging. He said that sex was almost non-existent with his ex-wife and that's one thing that's much better now.
Danny said that his kids are doing good and sometimes he even introduces his girlfriend as his oldest kid since she's so young.
Howard was going to let Danny go but he heard from Gary that they had this guy that Danny fought on the phone. Howard picked up and talked to this guy Justice who works at 96.5 down in Philly. The DJ said that he beat Danny but Danny said that they all said that he won unanimously. Howard asked Justice why he thinks that he won if the judges are saying Danny won. Justice said that the fight had to have been rigged and that's why he thinks that they gave it to Danny.
Danny told Justice that he doesn't know how to fight and that's why he lost. Justice told Howard that they got a call from the ref who said that he thinks that Danny lost. Danny said he got a call saying that they thought he won.
Howard asked Justice if they're black there. He said they're not but Danny said that they do try because they do a hip-hop like show. Howard said it sounds like all of the judges agree that Danny won so he should just accept it and move on. He said that saying that it's rigged or fixed isn't right. Robin said that it is true that they sometimes do give the fight to the guy with the bigger name if it's very close. Justice said that the fight wasn't put on by his station even though Danny said it was.
Justice told Howard he'd like him to watch the fight himself and let him know what he thinks. He said they can see it at BeatingBonaduce.com. Howard told Justice that if he wants to have a rematch, he should be able to find a sponsor to pay for it. Justice said he'd fight Danny at any time. Danny said he'd do it too but he has to bring $50,000. One of Justice's co-hosts said that he was quoted as saying $30,000. Danny agreed to do it for that amount. Howard told Justice that if he loses to Danny, he has to come on the show and get tea-bagged by Danny. He took that offer.
Danny said he loves Howard and he wants to fire his agent and hire him to do all of this stuff for him. Howard asked Danny to tattoo his name on his ass as a thank you to him. Danny said no problem. He wrapped up with Danny a short time later and let Justice go a short time later. You can find out more about their show at Wired965.com
Howard and the guys talked about Danny and Adam Carolla's show falling apart. Howard said he talked to Adam about this off the air and he told him what was going on at the time. He and the guys spent a minute talking about that but Howard had to move on to other things after he took a break.
Howard said that he got a note from Jimmy Kimmel over the weekend where he quoted Ronnie the Limo Driver as ''Scoresman'' saying that the only thing that matters is getting drunk, having fun, meeting girls and meeting guys... and anyone who doesn't like it can go fuck themselves. that led to Fred playing some of those audio clips of Ronnie saying that stuff.
Howard played a clip from a news report where the anchor says ''shitter'' live on the air. She was trying to say ''ship'' but slipped and said ''shitters.''
Howard said he had Chris Booker on the phone who wanted to talk about this guy Justice because he heard he was trashing him. Booker didn't hear the show himself. Howard told him that Justice said he beats Booker in the ratings but Booker said that they keep going back and forth and no one is leading consistently out there. He said that he's not even sure what number they are. They go from 2nd to 12th from week to week so he's not sure where they stand.
Booker said that they probably beat the other station more than they beat them. He said they play basically the same music. Howard asked Booker if he's coming back to New York to do radio. Booker said he's got a year and a half left down there so he's not leaving.
Howard asked Booker if he got his message. Booker said he did but he figured that he didn't want to hear back from him so he didn't call back. Howard asked him if he wanted to comment on the news story he was part of recently. Booker said he's not ready to talk yet but he will be the first one he calls when he is ready. He let him go a short time later.
Robin said that she hasn't seen Booker in a long time. Howard explained the incident that happened with Booker's girlfriend and how she lost her job on a Philly TV station because of it. Howard said that Booker claims that it was overblown and she didn't go as far as it said in the paper.
Fred said that it was a nice ''little'' dinner because he wasn't there. Robin said that Gary wasn't there either. Artie said that was an oversight too and a lot of people are talking about that. Robin said that Jim was the one who suggested inviting Artie but she figured that he was going to be more comfortable at dinner if Artie was there because they are close friends.
Robin said she wanted everyone to be comfortable and that's why she did things the way she did. She asked Fred if he wanted to go out to dinner with her. Fred didn't answer. Robin said that she asked Artie if he was going to be bringing a date along to dinner that night and he didn't let her know until just hours before they were supposed to go. She said she asked her weeks before that night if he was bringing a date or not and he couldn't answer until the last minute.
Fred asked if the food was good. Howard told him that it was great and he really missed out. Fred said that he was over in London one time and had some great French food over there. Howard told him to try going to this place Cru and Fred pointed out that they were the first three letters of Cruel.
Howard said that Bobby was so great that he ended up writing the book on how to play. That's why he was so important to the game. He said that he would play openings that were really amazing. He said he had tactics upon tactics that were just brilliant.
Howard said that Bobby Fischer was an American and going up against the Russians was a big thing. They teach chess over in Russia and it's a very big thing over there. He said they're all raised to know the game over there. He said that this brought a lot of attention to the game in this country and around the world.
Howard talked about how he elevated the game to a new level when he'd wear a suit to the matches. He said that he was an amazing player but he was going to talk about why he wasn't such a great man. He talked about how he once refused to shake hands with another player in a big match and that ended up being a forfeit. He said that the guy turned into a real scumbag. He said that the guy had a lot of hate built up in him and he thinks that he may have been mentally ill eventually. He said he had the world by the balls but things just went downhill for him.
Howard said that Fischer was Jewish and he hated the Jews. He joked that Fischer hated the Jews so much that Hitler told him he might want to cool it down a bit. He said that Fischer eventually turned on America and he was for the 9/11 attacks. He spent a few minutes explaining all of that before he played an audio clip of the guy bad mouthing the United State. He said that he hopes that he rots in hell and gave him a good riddance.
He played the clip where Bobby was saying he was glad to see the 9/11 attacks and said ''fuck the U.S.!'' He was also going off on the country for some of the stuff they've done and how he's hoping for a totally new world. He had some ''death to the United States'' and said that they made up the whole holocaust thing and it was wonderful news.
Howard jokingly said that Mel Gibson's father even said that this guy was out of line. He said that this guy was out of his mind and he's glad that he's gone now. He said that guy is the worst self loathing and self hating Jew that there is out there.
Artie said that there was a sportscaster out there by the name of Dick Shapp who used to have it out with Bobby Fischer. He said that Shapp's son eventually had a discussion with him about all of that and it's very interesting to see. Howard said that it's time to say ''rot in hell Bobby Fischer'' and just move on.
Howard took some phone calls about the guy. One guy remembered how interesting it was to watch him play and beat the Russians. Howard said that the guy was so good that he didn't want TV cameras to watch over him. He actually lost a game and blamed the cameras for that. He said that he ended up going to play in a back room after that and ended up losing to him in the back room where he was able to concentrate.
The caller said that there are a bunch of chess parlors in Greenwich Village because of those games. He said it inspired a lot of people to play.
Another caller asked Howard why he cares if people talk Anti-Semitic if he's not into organized religion. Howard said he's not against religion if they're comforted by that stuff. He said he doesn't like to see people getting beat up over their religious beliefs, he doesn't believe that's right. He said that the Jews had nowhere to go in World War II and they were even turned away from this country. He said he feels for these people and he doesn't like to see anyone suffer like that.
Gary came in with a story that Jason had pulled for him from the news. In this article they talk about how they thought that he might be mentally ill but they didn't want to send him to the shrink because they were afraid that he'd lose his chess abilities.
Howard said that he thinks that Gary is like Mt. Everest to a dentist so that's why the guy wanted to check him out. He said that this is like those mountain climbers who turn back and decide they can't do it.
Gary said he wanted to make a point here. He said that if the guy said that he could benefit from it, he probably would have done it. He wouldn't have backed out. He knows that there are going to be fans who say that he backed out but that's not the case.
Robin said that there are always some bad things that happen out there. She reminded Howard about some of the stuff that they've done out there and he started to come around. Artie was reported dead out there when they were there one year. Artie said that happened again over the weekend when someone reported him dead on Wikipedia.
Mark said that Jillian put something on her web site about David knocking her up and she hadn't even had a DNA test done yet. He said he wanted to call her Jillian Dis-grace because of that. He went on to say that there's an episode of Boston Legal where they have a woman who uses a used condom to get herself pregnant so she can collect money from a man. Howard said that he always flushes his down the toilet.
Mark went on to say that the woman has full control over the reproductive system and she can put an end to it if she wants. He said that this is like a type of extortion when a woman keeps the baby if the father doesn't want it.
Mark said that you should always ask a woman what kind of birth control she uses and what she's willing to do if she does get pregnant. He said that you have to figure out if she's lying or not about this stuff. If she's not willing to get rid of a baby if she gets pregnant, you should get the hell out of there.
Howard said that if the woman is willing to keep the kid, when the father doesn't want it, she should be responsible for paying for it. Mark said that a woman won't get pregnant if she doesn't want to be pregnant and it's like maternity fraud when they keep it and go after someone for money.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Mark is not right in all of this. He said that the baby didn't choose to come into this world and shouldn't suffer because of that. He said that it was unfair of Howard saying that women get plenty of child support. Dominic and Mark were arguing about the statistics about what men pay to these women who get child support.
Mark told Dominic that he didn't know what he was talking about. The two of them were arguing about all of this stuff and Dominic asked Mark what he does for a living. Mark said he's an author and you can find out more about him at TheNoNonsenseMan.com. Dominic told him that he doesn't know what he's talking about. They were going back and forth about babies that are born out of wedlock and Mark said that it's 40 percent but Dominic said that's not the case.
Howard took some calls and let some people comment on all of this. That led to Mark talking about how there are a lot of guys from New York and New Jersey being the type who are willing to cough up money to these women who get pregnant. Mark said that he treats a woman like a peer and he'll only pay for dinner if he asks the woman out. He'll usually go Dutch with a woman if he doesn't ask her out.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she's an asshole expert and said that this guy is an asshole. She asked mark why he thinks that he's such an expert in all of this stuff. Mark was saying that when a woman decides to keep a child, it effects a lot of people, not just her. He said that the woman is responsible for all of this stuff because she's the one who is going to have the baby. Fred said that kind of falls apart at some point though because a man has to take more responsibility so that pregnancy doesn't happen in the first place.
Robin asked Mark who burned him and why he's so angry. Mark said that this has nothing to do with him, he gets a lot of mail from all over the world about this kind of stuff.
Howard said that if Jillian Grace offered to give him one night, he'd probably have to take that chance. He said that David and Jillian are going to have to work this out on their own. Robin said that one of the risks of having sex is the chance of pregnancy so that's what people have to realize. Howard said that Jillian could have gotten rid of the baby if she wanted to though. Robin said they don't know that at all, they don't know how that would effect her body. Howard let Mark go a short time later.
Nick told Robin that he knows that she's involved right now but he'd like to be her backup boyfriend. He said that if something happens to Jim, he'd like to be there for her. Howard said that he must get a lot of chicks being a good looking guy. He said he's been there but he is very picky about his women.
Howard said that Nick has sent in letters for Robin before and he was a fan of her's even when she was heavier. Nick said that he sings the song parodies that they play about her and he even jerks off thinking about her. He said that he sells luxury cars for a living but he didn't want to say where he works because he didn't want to get fired today. He said he's making good money and getting close to six figures now.
Howard asked Robin how Nick looks. Robin said that Nick is okay looking. She didn't seem all that interested in this guy. Robin said that she's kind of into this relationship with Jim and she's not dating anyone else at this point. Howard wanted to know if that's because she's in love. Robin just laughed. He said that he did notice that she and Jim were holding hands at dinner the other night. Robin just laughs whenever they ask her about that stuff.
Howard asked Nick how tall he is. He claimed to be 5'8'' tall but the guys said that they think that he's only 5'6'' or so. Howard asked Nick to talk to Robin a little bit and try to pick her up. He told her that he came down there to see if she was as pretty in person as she is on TV. He said that she is and he was there because he's attracted to her physically and he likes her personality.
Howard let Nick talk to Robin for a short time but he really didn't seem to have a lot to say. Robin asked him about his tattoos and what they were about. He said that it was a lame excuse to make him look kind of cool to chicks. Howard said it sounds like Robin is giving him the big kiss off. Robin said that he seems like a nice guy but she doesn't want to date him. She told Howard to hold on to his phone number, just in case.
Fred played one of the song parodies that Nick likes to sing to himself when he's thinking about Robin. Fred also did his Jim impression and asked Nick if he was willing to give up farting for 6 months because he can't do that in front of her. Nick said he could do that.
Howard told Nick that he could see that this wasn't really working out very well. He told Nick that this Jim and Robin thing seems to be working right now. He said that he didn't actually witness the hand holding himself, it was Beth who saw it and reported it back to him. Robin said she knew it and she'll have to have a discussion with Beth now that she's heard that.
Howard said that Nick has made an impression with Robin this morning. He said he is going to keep his number on file and they will call him as soon as things go wrong with Robin and Jim. Robin said that she doesn't just go out with people just because they're good looking. Robin said that if there were different circumstances, maybe she would go out with him.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy wondered if Jim got any pepper on his salad at dinner. Howard said that there were no signs of Jim Florentine at that dinner. He behaved himself the whole time. Artie said that he wasn't like himself and it was the first time he's gone out with him and he didn't burp the whole menu.
The caller that Howard had on the line told the guys that Richard really doesn't represent the Mid-West states like they think he does. He said that not everyone behaves the way Richard does.
Fred did his Jim Florentine impression a little more and goofed around with Robin a little bit. Robin said that Fred's name came up at dinner and they did talk about him a little bit. She wondered if he wanted to know what they said about him. Fred didn't seem to care either way.
Howard took another call and the guy brought up the child support thing that they were discussing earlier. The guy said that he was going through a divorce when he found out that his 4 year old son was the product of an affair. He said that he's still responsible for the kid even though he's not the biological father. He said that it's bullshit and there are no laws that say that the other guy is responsible. Howard said there should be a lawsuit there for fraud. The guy said he did sue to get out of the alimony based on fraud but he ended up going to jail for 15 days for refusing to pay. Robin said she was embarrassed to be a woman based on that story.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Robin why she doesn't just admit that she's dating Jim because she's in love with him. She said that she is dating him exclusively. Howard said that he thinks that Robin and Jim went home and had sex that night that they went out to dinner. He also thinks that she's so turned on by Jim that she doesn't need any lube. Robin said that there is no lube needed because there is no sex. Fred did his Jim impression a little more but Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Howard asked Benjy if he and Ivy Supersonic are still going out Benjy said that they kind of are. Howard said that Ivy is going to get Benjy killed because she's been going around saying that he wants to fight Chuck Zito. He said that she called into Chuck's show and he was going to play that but he played a quick clip from the Wrap Up Show where she said that Benjy did want to fight Chuck. ON that show Ivy claimed that Benjy did say that he wanted to fight him. She said that Benjy claimed that he could knock Zito out. Benjy denied every saying that though.
Howard said that no one wants to fight Chuck Zito. He told Benjy that he has to be more vocal about this and tell Ivy that she's setting him up to be on bad terms with that guy. Howard told him that he doesn't even want to be in Chuck's mind at all with stuff like that.
Howard played a clip from Chuck's show where Ivy called in and Chuck told her that he's pretty pissed off at her. Chuck said that no one speaks for him but him and telling Howard that bullshit story is just wrong. Ivy told Chuck that Benjy did say that he would fight him. Chuck said that Benjy is letting his little head speak instead of his big head. He said that he would give Benjy brain damage if he fought him. He told Ivy that she went over the bounds telling Howard that he was going to fight. He said he doesn't care about the money either, he doesn't want a circus act. He told her not to speak about him on Howard's show again. She said ''you got it...'' Chuck said that fighting Benjy would be no different than fighting Eric the Midget in his mind.
Howard told Benjy to shut this down now and tell Chuck that he doesn't want to fight him Benjy said that he doesn't want to and he never did. Howard told Benjy to go home and tell Ivy to never bring up his name with chuck's name again. Artie told him that pussy will get a guy killed.
Ronnie the Limo Driver called in and told Benjy that he told him about this last week and he knew that it was going to get him into trouble. He told him that Chuck takes this shit seriously and he doesn't want anyone messing with him. Benjy doesn't think that what she did was right and he agrees with Ronnie.
Benjy said that he's still seeing Ivy once in a while. Robin said that she gets e-mails from her every time that she does see him. She said that she also has video of Benjy rubbing her breasts that Ivy sent to her.
Howard told Benjy that he's going to get Chuck on the show tomorrow and explain what happened here. He said that he has to tell Chuck that he's so effeminate that he can't control his woman. That led to Artie doing a scene from The Godfather where Fredo is told that he should never have to apologize about a woman. Howard told Benjy that he's got to tell Chuck that he respects him very much and he doesn't know how this occurred. Benjy said that he's sorry that this happened at all and he really didn't know what was going on.
Ronnie told Benjy to put this to sleep as soon as he can, he doesn't want to drag it out and make Chuck mad. Howard said that he'd like to have Benjy do a sit-down with Chuck but he'd have to treat it like a serious thing and not fuck it up. He told Benjy that he obviously can't handle his women.
Benjy said that Ivy is just his friend, they're not a couple. Robin said that Ivy thinks that they are a couple from what she can tell.
Howard said his father heard about that and went over and thanked the guy for the meal. Howard thanked the guy for doing that for them. He said that he wasn't going to bring up the cost of the meal but Howard brought it up. He told Howard to guess how much it was. Howard told him to just say how much it was, he was getting nervous with him. It turned out to be 25 bucks and change.
Scott said that he heard a lot of their discussion about what they were going to order, just like Howard has described on many occasions. That led to Howard doing his impression of his parents for a few seconds. The guy said that his parents were very nice. Howard thanked him for that and moved on.
Steve said that Bubba the Love Sponge claims he's got a reality show in the works. He said that they also have a story about how Nodoro was allegedly found in Simon Cowell's home. They have a bunch of other stories coming up today as well.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Robin's special birthday dinner and how she forgot to invite some of her close friends and co-workers. Jon said they'll also be talking about Gary's decision not to get braces. That led to Howard goofing on Gary doing an impression of him with a pen stuck in his mouth.
Jon said that they'll also be talking about Howard's rant against Bobby Fischer. That got Howard back on that subject so Howard talked about that a little more and played some more clips of him going off on Jeremy Shapp. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about what a prick the guy seemed to be.
Artie said that he had 7 double cheeseburgers at Burger King over the weekend. He said that he had some fries too but no shake, just a giant Coke. He said he was driving up to Syracuse to do a gig and that's what he was eating on his way up there. He said that they had to leave around noon to go up there and he hadn't eaten yet so he had to stop.
Artie said that he had to stop because he was starving. He said he had two double cheeseburgers, fries and a coke, then he went to Dunkin Donuts and got some donuts and coffee. Then they got to the hotel that they were staying at. They were staying in a casino and he went up to his room and took a shit while he was trying to rest. He said he leaned over to wipe himself and he cracked the toilet. He said the crack went down the whole seat so it would pinch him every time he sat down.
Artie said that he had 3 double cheeseburgers on the trip home from Syracuse. He said that was a total of 5. Then he was on his way home from watching the Giants game and he and his buddy stopped at Burger King again and he had two more. He did the shake that time, no Coke. Artie said that the stuff he eats when he's out on the road is really bad for him. He said there are no salad bars at these places he goes to.
After the break Fred played a prank call that Sal made to a pizza place where he had a dog placing an order. Robin got back to her news after that. She talked about reality TV shows and how far they've been pushing them. Howard said that he always had something on his ''bucket list'' where he wanted to see Jeff Conaway in rehab and that has come true thanks to reality TV. Robin talked about a reality show that Denise Richards is working on but Charlie Sheen is keeping her from doing it with their kids.
Robin read a story about Tom Cruise and how there's even more tape of him talking about Scientology out there as of this weekend. She said that he's seen talking about the government not being there after the 9/11 attacks and stuff like that. That all led to the guys talking about how actors should try to lay low and not be in the spotlight, just stick to acting. Howard said he used to think that Tom Cruise was kind of cool until he started coming out and talking all of this crazy talk. Now he just thinks he's a nut.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears and how she's actually in on the paparazzi swarms that follow her around. Someone claims that she calls them 15 minutes before she's going to leave her house so they know she's going to be out. Howard said that of course she's in on it. if she didn't want the attention she wouldn't even live out there in Los Angeles.
Robin read a story about Nicole Eggert getting so wasted out at a club the other night that she wasn't able to walk. She read that she was out the next night doing the same thing at the club she was at. There was also a story about Paris Hilton being out with Jared Leto but Howard thought that she had the wrong name there and it was actually Ashley Olsen. Robin said it was written up as Paris Hilton so maybe it was both.
Howard got a hold of this tape of Tom Cruise that Robin mentioned earlier. They had a weird announcer talking about Tom going down to ground zero and talking to the guys there. Tom said that as a Scientologist, he knew when people were lying about the dust down there not being toxic. Howard said they make him come off like he thinks that he's a super hero. Artie suggested that they play the De Niro laughing in ''Cape Fear'' clip after everything Tom Cruise says. Fred threw that clip in as Artie was doing an impression of it.
Robin read some news about the Clinton and Obama debate that went on over the weekend. She had some audio clips of the two of them going at each other. She had some other clips from the debates and spent a few minutes on that stuff.
Robin read a story about Dr. Phil coming forward to apologize for what he did in the Britney Spears case. Howard said he wants to play that tomorrow so he can do a whole rap on that story.
Robin asked Howard if he's into this season of American Idol. Howard said that he doesn't think that it's as good as last season but he will watch because there are some very pretty girls on this season. He said he should enjoy it because of that.
Robin read a story about the Guitar Hero games that have sold over a billion dollars worth of product since they came out. Artie said he played it at a kid's house one time and thought it was really cool. He said it's kind of like air guitar. Howard suggested that people go out and learn to play the real fuckin' guitar instead. Artie said he can't play but the Guitar Hero was kind of cool because he felt like he could play.
Robin read a story about how they're thinking about doing some deer reduction up in Connecticut to limit the spread of Lyme disease. The guys talked about how Daryl Hall was in there talking about doing that because he had gotten Lyme disease himself.
Robin read a story about a guy in Chili who woke up in his coffin at his wake. He rose from the dead and asked for a glass of water. Robin also read a story about the Giants win on Sunday night. She said she knew they could do it but Artie said that they have tape of her saying that they were going to lose. Artie was going off on Tom Brady a little bit so Howard threw in a joke about that and said that in 3 years he'll be promoting Tahiti Village.
Robin read a story about the movie Cloverfield being number 1 at the box office this weekend. She said she didn't have the final numbers on what they took in though. She later found out it was $46 million. Robin read through some other stories about some upcoming new TV shows. They played a clip of one woman talking about herself on a reality show and the guys were goofing on her saying that she was a little too chatty. Artie said that he used to do construction in Short Hills, New Jersey and there were a bunch of asswipes there. That's where that woman was from.
Robin had Howard play some clips of Jack Nicholson talking about some of the stuff on his ''bucket list'' while he was out doing promotion for his movie. She wrapped up after that and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
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Teddy said that he's been trying to make things happen because Artie can't come out and do the sound checks and do them himself. Artie said that he should be much more diplomatic in the way he works. Teddy said that he's tired of getting his head chewed off for doing things the wrong way that he has to do it the way he does.
Artie said that Teddy threatened to quit because he was goofing on him too much. He said that he was wiping his hands all over his pants and then put his hand back on the steering wheel. Teddy complained about the way Artie uses napkins because he takes a stack of 50 and uses them all to wipe his hands once. That's why they don't have any napkins in the car to wipe his hands on.
Gary said that he was walking by Robin out in the hall earlier and gave Robin the stuck up look with his finger under his nose. He said that she left him out of that dinner with Howard the other night just like she did with Fred. He said that she did that to him one other time and left him out completely while inviting a bunch of other people.
Artie said that Robin was just going to do a double date thing with her and Jim and Howard and Beth. Then Jim suggested that they have Artie come along because they're close friends. Artie said that he was going to bring a date too but he decided against it because he didn't want to deal with what might happen on the show after showing up with a new chick. He said that the last chick he brought to a party asked Howard for a picture but she was fine with that after that. Gary told him that Howard isn't okay with strangers in his home. He said that's the only reason he might be uncomfortable with someone like that.
Jon played a clip where Howard was talking to Fred about the dinner and Fred seemed to get upset that he was left out of it.
Gary said that he really wasn't hurt by being left out of this dinner. It wasn't really a part. He said that if Fred had been invited, then he'd feel like he was left out. Artie said that it was a believable thing that Jim wanted him there so that's another thing that makes it seem okay.
The guys talked about how some people will invite more than one black couple to a party just so the one black couple won't be lonely. Artie said that he'd probably do that and he'd probably try to match up the darkness of the skin too.
Artie said that he didn't know that people wanted him to be ''on'' at these parties. He said that he tries to be fun but it was nice not to have Gary or Fred interrupting his stories there. He said that they had a great time and they did a lot of laughing during the dinner. Gary said he probably wouldn't have been able to get a word in anyway if he was there.
Jon took a call from Wheels who asked if Fred was really pissed. Artie said that he really was pissed from what he could tell. Wheels said that he has every right to be pissed. Artie said that Robin is new money and money doesn't buy manners.
Another caller asked why they didn't give Stuttering John props for his movie deal. The guys told him that they talked about that last week and they did say that it was good news for John. Gary said that he thinks that it's good for John but the caller doesn't believe that he's not jealous. Gary said that he just asked him a direct question and he answered it. He said that he's known the show for 20 years and he knows that he's jealous.
Jon asked Gary if he's jealous of Stuttering John at all. Gary said he's not. He said that in the past he was jealous that John got that job at the Tonight Show. He said that once they got there to SIRIUS he realized that he wasn't jealous. He said that they just spoke over Christmas vacation for about an hour and had a nice discussion.
Fred came in and said that he hasn't gotten one e-mail about this complaint that the caller has. He and the caller talked about the Stuttering John thing and Fred said that he's not jealous of him either. The caller refused to believe that he wasn't jealous, just like Gary. Fred said that he was just creating a character for John when he was on the show and he wasn't jealous at all.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Robin is very rude and she never has anything to add to the show, she just laughs. She said that Robin is distasteful and she can't read and... She went on and on. Gary said that Robin doesn't have to invite everyone to dinner if she doesn't want to. He said that's her right but she does make up excuses for why she doesn't do it. He doesn't think that she's that rude. The woman told him that he doesn't have to defend her all the tine like he does. She said that Robin could have told them about the dinner ahead of time and what she was feeling.
Fred came up with another event that he wasn't invited to. He said that he wasn't invited to the DogCatemy Awards. He said that he's over this dinner thing, he was only upset about it for a short time. He thinks that Robin was probably just trying to make Jim feel better and that's fine. He said that Robin has never done that for anyone before and that says something about her relationship with Jim. He said that he really thinks that she digs Jim and that's what this shows.
Fred said that he's very happy for Robin. He said that it's really hard to meet people with the job they have and living in the universe that they live in doing the show.
Jon took a call from another woman who wanted to pass some compliments around to the guys. She told Fred that he's done a great job on the show. She also told Artie that she was out in Vegas to see Artie and told him that he was great out there. She then went on to say that Robin wasn't throwing a party, she was conducting a business dinner so her conduct was okay. The guys cut her off and said they didn't know what she was talking about or if she was for or against Robin.
Another caller brought up the dinner and said you don't have to cry about these dinners they way they were. He said that they should just move on. Gary said that the beauty of this is that it goes on everywhere but they talk about it on the air while other people would probably just talk about it behind their backs.
The guys went on and on about the dinner and if they think that Robin was right or wrong. Artie said that Dana wanted to have a dinner party over at his place one time but they both agreed that if they had just Howard and Beth over it would be one thing. If they invited just one other couple, they'd have to invite them all. He said he couldn't do that because he has such a small apartment. He gets why Robin only invited him to dinner, they were trying to keep it small.
Fred said that someone sent in an e-mail and said that ''he is to Robin as Sal is to Howard.'' He said that didn't make him feel so good. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon brought up how Gary has decided not to have braces put on. Gary said that he knew that he was going to get a lot of crap for doing something like that but he wasn't going to do it just for attention. He said that if he was going to do it he was doing it for himself. Gary said that if the orthodontist told him he could change his look with the braces, he would have done it.
Benjy asked him if he's going to think about doing anything else to them. Gary said he's done now that the guy has told him that he can't really do that much with braces.
Jon asked Fred about the Jackie thing and what he thinks is going on there. Fred said that he thinks that Steve Langford is a trouble maker because he's the one who is pushing this whole thing with Jackie. He said that he's goofed on Jackie since they first met. Nothing has changed to his approach to his way of goofing on him. The only thing that's changed is the fact that Jackie isn't there to hear it first hand. He said that people have probably been e-mailing him and telling him what he's saying and not relaying the message correctly. He said that he enjoys making people laugh and that's all he's doing with Jackie.
Gary said that Fred treated Stuttering John the same way he did when he left the show as he did before that. He's very consistent with the way he treats people.
A phone caller asked Fred about his parties and if he's ever not invited someone to a party. He said that he and his wife had a party one time and his wife left Ralph off the list. He said that he caught a lot of shit over that.
Gary said that someone always gets left out of any party that anyone holds. The guys talked about how you have to understand that not everyone is going to be invited to every party. Gary said that he's still catching shit 15 years later about not inviting Tom Chiusano to his wedding.
A caller told Gary to stop using the word ''so'' before every sentence. He also went off on Ivy Supersonic saying that she was the ugliest worm he's ever seen. He was using the F-word a lot so Gary asked him to stop using that so much. He cursed them out a little more so Jon let him go and took some more calls.
Jon said that Artie sounded very excited to give up his chair to Jackie so he could come in and goof on Gary if he got braces. Jon played a clip of Gary talking about the braces thing. Jon said that he thought that Howard was getting under Gary's skin later in the show when he was doing his voice. Gary said that it's a weak impersonation of Fred doing an impression of him and it's just not like him. Fred said that it's not even an impression, it's just something that they used to do on the show. Gary said he always hated when Fred would stick his Sharpie pen in his mouth and do the impression with that.
A caller told Gary that he really shouldn't get braces because they don't really do that much anyway. Gary said that he's not getting them anyway so he's fine with that.
The guys spent a short time talking about Danny Bonaduce's call today and how they'll never know the whole Adam Carolla story until they talk to Adam. They also talked about this Tahiti Village thing and how they get so many of these celebrities. Gary said that they get them some great guests having them promoting that stuff.
A caller said that he loves the sound effects that Fred plays but he wanted to hear some clips he hadn't heard for a long time. Fred told the guy that they retire some sound clips once in a while because they get overused sometimes. He said sometimes they'll bring stuff back when people request them though. He said that he'll get e-mails from people and he'll throw those clips in as a surprise once in a while. Jon had to wrap up a short time later so everyone got in their plugs.
Howard started off the show taking a phone call from a guy who brought up the death of heath Ledger and how the media is covering it like it was the death of President Kennedy. He said he was tired of the coverage already and it just happened yesterday.
Howard said he's not sickened by it at all because he doesn't have time to watch 5 hours of the news channels so he tunes in to see what's going on once in a while. He said that there were thousands of people on the street in front of his apartment building and he thought about going down there himself. Fred said that at least there's an apartment opening up now in the city.
The guys talked about some of the roles that Heath had been in and how he was in the latest Batman that hasn't even been released.
Howard said he tuned in to see what was going on with the news coverage. He checked all of the news channels and found some good coverage on CNN and got his 10 minute fix on it. The guys talked about the coverage they had when Hank the Dwarf died. They had their own little gathering of people for him.
Howard said he saw the coverage of the body being taken out of his building and how they were pushing his body bag around like a piece of furniture. He said he'd had enough about it after about 10 minutes and it is getting to be a bit much at this point.
Robin said that Anna Nicole Smith's death got a lot of coverage so this isn't that big of a surprise. Howard said that Heath was a nice guy but he was apparently depressed and maybe he took an overdose of pills to off himself. Robin said she heard that he got kicked out by his girlfriend because of his drug use but she wasn't sure if that was the case or not.
Howard said he can see why this caller was sick of the coverage. The guy said that he really is tired of it but it's still sad that the guy died. Howard said that it is sad when you see a 28 year old, good looking guy, take his life when he seems to have a lot of things going on in his life.
Robin said that maybe they should have gone to Jake Gyllenhaal to find out how the grieving widow was doing. She was referring to the movie ''Brokeback Mountain'' where they played gay lovers. That led to Howard playing some clips from that movie where they inserted some of Artie's clips into a scene.
Howard said that Ledger had the world by the balls and had the dream to be an actor. He came here from Australia and made it happen. He said that it's not easy to make it big like he has. He said that when you look at his life you have some envy for him thinking he had it all. It doesn't seem like he was really trying to kill himself because he had an appointment with a masseuse that day.
Howard said that he just went on the air that day and complained about it. He got a call from Heath a short time after that and apologized for the snub, he didn't mean for it to come off like that. He said he had a nice conversation with him and had a good laugh over it with him. He said the guy was a nice guy from what he could tell.
Howard said he felt bad for Heath because he saw an interview where he said he was ready to die now that he had a daughter. He said that it was kind of a weird comment but then he said he wanted to see his daughter grow up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got to work with Heath in the new Batman movie. He said he got to work with him in a scene and he was a very cool guy. Robin asked him if he's an actor. He said he's not, he was just an extra in that movie. He and his wife both got into the movie.
Howard asked the caller how a banker can get free time to be an extra in the movie. The caller said he did the work on a Saturday and a Sunday in the afternoon so it wasn't during the week. He said that he had to go to work the next Monday morning.
Artie said that he was an extra in a movie one time when he was young, and before he was an actor. He said that after that day he said he was never going to do another movie again. He said that the extras get treated like shit.
The caller wanted to say hi to Artie because they were actually in rehab together about 10 years ago. The guy said he was 20 years old at the time and they were in an outpatient program together. He told Howard that Artie was doing stand-up back then and drinking the 40 oz. sodas even back then.
The caller claimed that he had spoken to Heath about Howard on the set of the movie. Howard said that's what the note said on the screen but the guy said he never actually worked up the balls to do that.
Robin said that Howard has no idea what he's talking about. She went through times in her life when she wouldn't sleep for months at a time. She said she'd get one or two hours of sleep a night and that's not sleeping. Howard said that no one goes for months without sleep. Robin said she knows that she didn't go through REM sleep but Howard asked how she could know that. She said that it would wake her up if she started going through that.
Another caller asked Robin if she loses sleep over not inviting Fred to dinner the other night. That got Howard worked up and he told Robin that she really doesn't need to be the social director there at the show. While he was explaining all of that the guy on the phone had his radio on and it was driving Howard nuts. He and Artie yelled at the guy to turn it off. Artie told him that it's ''caller 101'' to know to turn down the radio.
Howard said that they're not all tied to one another like elephants at the circus, they don't all have to go out to dinner together. He said that it's fine if Robin wants to take just him and Artie out. He told her that she's now alleviated from all guilt. She shouldn't have to suffer through all of this nonsense about not inviting other people out to dinner.
Robin thought that Artie was saying that she was wrong but he said he never said that at all. The caller asked Robin if she had to invite one more person, would it be Fred or Gary. Fred said it had better be Gary because he was almost suicidal over the whole thing. Howard said that Gary is retarded. He went off on him for getting upset about something like that when he's had him out to his house and not having Robin and Fred out there.
Fred said that Steve Langford is a trouble maker because he was asking him some questions about that and trying to upset him. Gary said that he was asked by Steve about the whole thing and he complained about another party that he wasn't invited to that got him upset. It wasn't this latest dinner that he was upset about. He said he told Robin that he didn't care about this dinner at all.
Gary said that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday they were trying to figure out various configurations of who would be invited to parties and none of them included Benjy.
Howard said that he didn't know that and thought that he really didn't like Jackie. Fred said that there are some things that annoy him about Jackie but he really does like him. He said that he'd like Jackie to stop listening to the voice mail he gets and ignore the e-mail he's getting about this whole thing.
Howard didn't understand what's going on with Fred and Jackie. He still didn't understand what this was all about. Fred said that Jackie is an annoying guy and what pisses him off is that he doesn't realize it. Robin wanted to know what his assessment of her was but Artie said he still didn't know what his assessment of Jackie was.
Fred said that he called Jackie to talk to him yesterday but he hasn't heard back from him. He said that if he were really concerned about what was going on with him, he'd call him and ask. Fred said Jackie doesn't even understand himself.
Howard was trying to figure out all of this stuff going on with Fred. He thought he had it figured out after his explanations. The caller on the line asked Artie about something he said on the Wrap Up Show about Robin yesterday but Artie said he was just kidding around, it was a joke. He'd said something about Robin being ''new money'' and that's why she didn't know how to deal with people.
Howard said that he hopes that the God Hates Fags people don't show up to his funeral. They're apparently planning on going to Heath Ledger's funeral to protest because he was in that Brokeback Mountain movie. Robin mentioned that Suzanne Pleshette just died a few days ago and it was hardly covered at all. She said that she had planned her funeral ahead of time and even wrote her own eulogy.
Howard played the messages where she talks about loving the show and being obsessed with it. She said that the History of Howard Stern was great, all of his musician interviews are great and she hates these journalists who think they get scoops when they don't get anything from these people like Howard does.
Howard said that he should have gone out with Jillian when he had a chance. He said that he would have fucked her 50 different ways and then dumped her. He said that she called back and left another message so he played that one as well.
In the second message Jillian tells them that she loves Fred and how great it is when he does his Jim Florentine impression. She also says that she doesn't like Eric the Midget on the show because he's so boring and she wishes they'd get rid of him. In her third message Jillian talks about how she met Beth down in Atlantic City one time and she thinks that she's great for Howard. She talked about the pet adoption thing and how she's doing the same thing.
Howard said that message brings him back to the days when they did the Cabbie and Stuttering John fight because he remembered meeting Jillian there. He said that she had her belly showing and she was really hot. He said that she probably would have been a wild ride if he had been with her.
Howard said that Eric the Midget really got blasted there. He picked up on Eric but Eric said he didn't care what she thought. Howard said that Eric left some messages last week where he was threatening Gary. In one message Eric told Gary he didn't have a shot in hell of getting Kendra on the show. He said that he could save himself the embarrassment ''...and give the fuck up right now!'' He warned Gary not to try and get her number. He said that the people in his JFSC (Johnny Fratto Social Club) are loyal and they don't give out information like that. He told him to admit defeat and just give up. He told him not to try again and if he did, his teeth were going to end up down his throat.
Robin asked Eric why he's so afraid of letting her get on the show. Eric said that she doesn't want to be on the show at all. Robin said that she was on her camera though so she does want to be on the show. She may not be coming in live but she is on the show. Gary said that he could get her to come on the show but it would turn ugly if he did something like that. He said that he could corner her into coming on the show. He has some arm twisting abilities and he could make it happen.
Howard told Eric that his American Idol show was worse last night than it was last week. Eric said that it was fine, they had worked out their problems. Howard played some audio from the show he did on his web cam and it was very laggy and everything they said was choppy and cut up. Howard told Robin to stick with it. He played through a few seconds of it and it was awful to try and listen.
Eric said that it wasn't his fault, it was the server that was having problems. Artie told him to get out of the business. Robin did an impression of what it sounded like. They goofed on him about that for a short time and then Howard started asking him what he was calling himself last night and played the phony clips that they put together. And here are some of today's Eric the...
Howard told Eric to tell Kendra that if she really wants to be his girlfriend she should come over and fuck him tonight. The guys were watching her on her web cam and her smile went away around that time. Howard told him to ask her when she's going to come and visit. Eric asked her but it took her a while to answer him. Howard said he doesn't think this is boring at all. He doesn't agree with Jillian on that at all.
Howard asked Eric why he wasn't talking to Kendra and finding out why she isn't going to meet him. Eric said he asked her in the room when she's going to come and see him. Howard told him to let them know when he finds out. He said he can't see her rushing to his bed side.
Artie said that Kendra is looking for a man and he might just go fuck her. He asked Eric what he'd do if he did go fuck her. Eric said that's not going to happen. Artie told him that he's going to be doing a show out in Phoenix and he may just go out there to bang her. He'll be out there in about 2 months and he's going to invite his girl. Eric said that it's not going to happen. Artie said that he's going to book a good looking comic that will do her out there in Phoenix if she won't do him.
Howard said he was going to play some more of Eric's show to see if it sounded so bad through the whole thing. It did. It was choppy in every clip. Eric said that things on their end were fine. He said that they didn't have the choppiness on their end. Artie told him that he was a moron. Eric said that the guy they have running things has a higher IQ than Artie does. Artie said that he's on a show that people can hear though.
JD said that they had two computers recording Eric's show and they both sounded like that. He actually edited together some of the clips to make it sound better. Artie told him that the people tuned in to hear a steaming pile of shit for a show.
Howard played more clips over and over again and Eric ended up getting pissed about that. He asked Howard to stop but he kept going. Artie said that Kendra really is hot. Robin said that she's got a great smile. Howard asked her to stand up and show off her titties. Eric didn't think they'd be able to see them in her camouflage top that she had on.
Howard told Eric that he can't stick around and do this. He asked Eric if he had a message for Jillian Barberie. Eric said that he doesn't care about her and she's not that big of a name for him to care. Howard asked Eric what he wanted to be called again and played more of those clips that he's been playing. He let Eric go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that anyone who calls in with their radio on should be hung up on immediately. He also said that everything that Jillian Barberie said was spot on and he agreed with it all. Howard said that he likes to hear that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Eric was wrong that Kendra wasn't going to appear on the show. Kendra said that she never planned on doing the show but Eric wasn't 100 percent wrong. Howard said that he likes Eric and the fact that he gets on the radio. He said that Kendra is stunning looking and he's not just blowing smoke up her ass.
Johnny told Howard that she's off the hook. Howard told Kendra that he doesn't want her to break Eric's heart and asked her what she's up to with him. She said that she's just starting out being friends with him. Johnny introduced him to her and she went along with it. Johnny said that she's a really nice girl.
Howard asked Kendra if she's sexually interested in Eric. Johnny interrupted and said that he's seen women blowing Verne Troyer at the Playboy mansion. Then he laughed. Howard asked Kendra if she's exclusively with Eric. She said that is the case. She said that love takes time so she's not in love with him at this time.
Howard asked Kendra if she's going to meet Eric in person. She said that she's been sick lately so she hasn't gone out to meet him yet but she does want to meet him. He asked her when it's going to happen. She said she's still talking to him about it and she's not sure yet. Howard said he wants a date and doesn't want her making Eric think that he's going to get something he's not going to get.
Robin asked Kendra if she was interested in sex at all. She said that she's really not that sexual, no. Robin said she sees what's going on here, Eric has found the perfect woman for him. Kendra said that she might be going out to visit Eric soon but she's not sure about the physical romance part of the relationship.
Artie said that she's not sexual so he wondered what she would do if she met a hot guy out there in Phoenix. Howard interrupted and asked Kendra to tell them, on the lord's name, that she's Eric's real girlfriend and this is a real relationship. He wanted her to swear on that and tell them what's really going on.
Kendra said that she's a girl and she is his friend, Eric is a boy and he's her friend. She said that things may work out in the future and they may get closer. Howard said that he's just trying to help Eric out. Johnny said that it sounds like they're trying to cock block Eric. Howard said he's just trying to find out if he's being fooled. Kendra said that she's not trying to fool him, she really likes Eric and they have a relationship. It doesn't seem to be as tight as Eric seems to think it is though.
Johnny Fratto kept bringing up Verne Troyer and how he gets laid no problem. He said that he's seen Gary Coleman with a hot blonde too and that's shocking. Gary said that Verne has two things that Eric doesn't, money and a personality. Howard said that he's got a personality but Gary doesn't believe that.
Robin said that this woman doesn't want to have sex with anyone even on 2 legs. She's not a sexual person, she doesn't want to have sex at all. Robin said that Verne Troyer would move on to the next woman if he heard she didn't want to have sex.
Gary threw out the date March 15th and wanted to take some under/over bets on that. Kendra said that she would definitely meet him by then. Howard asked her to give out a plug for her web site but she vanished as soon as Howard said he as going to let them go. Johnny threw in the plug for her instead. KendrasSecret.com.
Eric was on the phone again and said that Kendra didn't call them, they called her. Eric got all pissed off when Gary told him that he had to admit defeat. Eric was yelling at them because she didn't call in, Johnny called in for her. Eric said that he's sure that she's going to meet him before his birthday, on March 11th, so they're going to lose the March 15th bet.
Robin asked Eric about the non-sexual comments that Kendra made. Eric turned it around on her and asked how things are going with Jim Florentine. Howard said that they have defeated JFSC.tv and they got Kendra on the show even though Eric said it would never happen. He had to admit defeat. Eric said that he didn't have to admit anything. Gary said that it took him a few more days than he said it would take but he did get her on the show. Eric said that they talked about getting her on by last Thursday. Howard said he has to admit that they did get her on the show. Eric had another guy, Patrick, on the line with him saying that they would have had her on the show sooner if that scumbag Mutt and his web site didn't trash her so much. Howard said he had nothing to do with that.
Howard said that Eric is a sore loser and a bad sportsman. Eric said that Gary backed out of the March 15th bet so that wasn't a good sportsman either. Howard said that Gary backed out of the bet because Kendra can control when she goes out to meet Eric. They played Beck's ''Loser'' song for Eric as they were ending the call with him. Eric said that was Artie's theme song. Howard let them go a short time later. Artie told Eric that he and Patrick should go out as a team, the two guys who aren't fucking Kendra. Howard said that he doesn't want to ruin things for Eric if he has a shot at all.
Howard said that Benjy is in this weird thing with Ivy where she's trying to set up a fight between him and Chuck. Howard asked Chuck if he's banging Ivy while Benjy is banging her. Chuck said he doesn't kiss and tell. He said that if he sees her again he's going to give her a crack. He said he was just joking though and he would never hit a girl in his life.
Chuck said that this whole thing started last week when he did his show and Ivy came on and told him that he should open up his own gym. He said that she was trying to help him get things going with that. Then the next day he hears the show and Ivy is saying that this fight is being set up. Then he hears from Ivy again about helping out with this gym and how she needs a commission. He said it sounded like it was all about being for her personal gain.
Benjy told Chuck that he'd be afraid to get into the ring with him and he had no interest in doing that. He said he knew that he'd die if he got in the ring and he'd need even more money than she was offering up. He also told Chuck that she's not his girlfriend and he doesn't want her speaking for him anymore. He said that she apologized to him and she wanted to apologize to Chuck too. Benjy said that he never said he wanted to fight but he would like to see a fight with Chuck fighting someone else.
Chuck said that Ivy told him that Benjy wanted to fight him, that's why he was kind of bothered. Howard asked chuck how he controlled Ivy the way he did because no one can do that. He said he just put her in her place because he didn't need her setting up any fight for him.
Howard talked about some of the fights that Chuck has been in before and how he's broken a guy's jaw just by slapping them. Chuck said that he's out looking to do some pro-fighting and he's slimmed down to about 207 pounds now. He said that he's looking around at various fighting clubs to work in. He said that he knows 6 different types of Martial Arts and he's been training since he was 18 years old. He talked about some of the stuff he's studied and explained all of that to the guys.
Howard said he was going to teach Benjy a lesson by playing Chuck's show where he puts Ivy in her place. He said that Ivy can talk a mile a minute but Chuck put her right in her place.
After playing the tape Howard said that Chuck said he was hurt and insulted and this had to stop. Benjy said that he can't control what other people say about him and if she does that again to him, she won't be his friend anymore. He said that he does like her and she is a good person. He said he knows that she likes Chuck a lot too and he hopes that things are okay between them.
Chuck said that he knows what's going on there and he knows that he can't control Ivy. Fred asked him what he could do to Ivy to punish her. Chuck laughed and said that he can't hit her, that's not right. Benjy joked that he could punish her by marrying her. Chuck seemed to find that kind of amusing.
Howard asked Chuck if all of the stories he tells on his show about banging chicks are true. Chuck said that they are true stories, he doesn't lie about that stuff. He said he did lie to Robin one day though. He said that one day he came in wearing a top that showed his muscles and Robin asked him if he was on steroids. He lied and said he wasn't but he really was. He said that he was using steroids but didn't want anyone to know so he did lie about it at the time.
Howard told Chuck that he's doing a great job with his show and he's happy to have him there. He wrapped up and thanked him for coming in. Chuck said that he's happy to be there but he's back to doing one show every 3 weeks now. He's going out to Vegas to the Rambo premiere because he's friends with Sylvester Stallone. He used to bodyguard for him back in about 1982.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he thinks that Benjy and Ivy should fight. Benjy said that he'd do that if he could have Eric the Midget in the ring with him to help. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he had to read a few things before bringing in their guests. He read an e-mail where a guy was complaining about his rap about Bobby Fischer yesterday. The writer thought that he was doing a chess rap but he was talking about what a scumbag Bobby Fischer was. Artie said that he doesn't think that Howard would have spent so much time on it if he hadn't gotten into chess. Howard and Robin both disagreed with that because Howard had spoken out about Fischer in the past, before he got into the game so deep.
Howard said that he also wanted to mention a press release about Heath Ledger and how those God Hates Fags people from the Westboro Baptist Church are going to be there at his funeral to protest because he played a gay character in a movie. They're saying that he's in hell now because of what he did. Howard said that when a family loses a child it's just wrong for these people to go disrupt things the way they do. He said that he's told them that they're despicable and this woman Shirley is a monster of a human being for doing something like that.
Artie said that if they had asked last week who was going to live longer, him or Heath Ledger, no one would have guessed it was going to be him. Howard said that when you mix pills and stuff you never know what's going to happen.
Howard said they did hear from Jillian Grace finally. He read the note they got from her and she asked them to stop already. She said that she had nothing to do with the story becoming public and she's not commenting on it now. She's just trying to work out there in Missouri and she doesn't need this crap. She said that it's hard to function with all of this stuff going on. She also complained about Gary saying that she was fired from Playboy and that wasn't the case. Gary said he apologized to her about that and they're straight now.
Howard said that Jillian and David Spade should both come on the show and straighten things out there on the air.
Howard asked Sunny about being Penthouse Pet of the Year back in 2003. Artie said he remembers her and she was in there before. Howard said that there are pictures of both of them up on his web site. Sunny said she just signed on to do some boy-girl stuff that she's never done in the past. She said that she's working with Vivid now and they let her do things when she wants to do it. She used to do just girl-girl but now she's going to try and get into the boy-girl stuff because she's seen some stuff lately that has her interested.
Sunny said that she's been very lucky with her career. She also told Howard about how her fiancé broke up just about a week before Christmas. She said that he told her that she deserved someone better than him and backed out of the marriage. She said that she was angry with him at the time but now she's over it and very happy.
Howard asked Sunny about being with other women and asked if she had been with Joanna. She said that they just met but they're both single so she'll see what happens. Howard said that Sunny used to bring home other girls for her man and he can't imagine why he'd give her up. Howard asked Sunny about how that all works and who she brings home with her. She said that she brought home another woman by the name of Monique Alexander. She told Howard how she had made love to her on film and in her personal life, before this happened.
Howard asked how she made the threesome happen. She said that they were at the Playboy mansion and they went behind the monkey cage and did it right there. She said that there weren't any people around at the time so they just started having sex. Sunny said that Monique and the other girl started doing stuff and then they all got into it and they had Monique pinned to the tree. She said that she was talking dirty to her and told the guys that she was saying some stuff about her pussy. Howard said that he'd be so nervous about doing something like that with someone they don't know. Sunny said that she does know Monique though and it wasn't like she didn't know her. She said that her fiancé was doing her from behind there up against the tree.
Sunny told Howard how they were both giving her man oral and sucking on him. She said that it was so hot doing it to him at the same time. She said that he finished off in both of their mouths and it was so hot. She said that it was the best oral sex moment in her life.
Howard said that he loves that Sunny is so into having her man finish in her mouth. He said he loves that about her. He asked her about licking her man's penis that had just come out of another woman. She said that she loves other women so it was great for her. She said she loves to watch other people having sex so it's really hot.
Howard asked Sunny to show off her body a little bit and Artie sounded like his head was going to explode. Howard asked her about trying to have sex with Cindy Margolis one time. She gave him some details on that before Howard got distracted and asked her about the clothes she was wearing. Robin brought her back to the Cindy story. She said that she didn't know who she was at the time but she tried to have sex with her but Cindy turned her down saying that she had a husband.
Howard gave the girls a plug for the book they were promoting, Naked Ambition: An R-rated Look at an X-rated Industry, and then moved on to Joanna. She said that she grew up pretty religious and a good girl. She's Jewish so Howard found that kind of surprising. He said that he's seen some of her porn videos and one of them showed her giving oral to a guy driving a car. He said that makes him fear for her life. He also brought up the anal scenes that she does and asked her about that. She said that she usually doesn't do an enema every time when she does it so she has had some problems before. She said that sometimes the accident will be just the water from the enema coming out though.
Howard asked Joanna if she had ever banged any of her college professors. She said that she did one time and it wasn't even for any credits. She said that she didn't lose her virginity until she was 18 and she was only 20 at the time she did this guy so she didn't know all of the tricks for picking up guys. She said she used to write really graphic sex stories for the class though. She said that they went to some kind of party type thing and they were all pretty close in the class. They had a goodbye party for the students and the teachers. After the party she asked him to share a cab with her to go back to the hotel she was staying at and that's how they ended up hooking up. She got out at his hotel and went up and did him. She said that the sex wasn't even that hot and the guy seemed to just want to get it over and done with.
Howard played some audio clips of Sunny doing her thing in one of her porn movies. She was very noisy and she took off her headphones as she was listening to it. She said she was kind of embarrassed and didn't want to hear herself doing that. Howard asked her about her sex life and she ended up talking about how the last time she had sex she squirted 3 times. She didn't know that was possible. She said that she might have to go back to that guy.
Sunny said that if a guy takes his time to pleasure her by kissing, licking and sucking, the woman is on and ready to go. She said that he did a great job with that and that's why it was so hot. She said that he had gone down on her and they went at it for like an hour. Howard asked how long he was inside of her going back and forth. She told Howard how he got her off first before he even got off. Howard didn't get how a guy could hold out like that. He said that he'd have to bang her right away and he'd probably finish in a second. Artie was trying to pick up the girls and told them that the guy had to be gay if he didn't get off right away.
Howard played a clip of Joanna Angel having sex on her web site. He told the girls how much he liked them and then asked to see some boobs. Joanna said that she would do it if Sunny would do it. Howard asked both of them to do it but Sunny didn't seem so sure about it. Joanna asked if she wanted her to take her top off. Sunny agreed so she said that she'd be really aggressive with that. She went over to her and started kissing her.
Howard told the girls that they looked really good and had nice breasts. Artie asked one of the girls to give the other a Bronsky, or motorboat, so she went in and did that. Then Howard asked Sunny to talk dirty to Joanna and undress her too.
Artie asked if the girls wanted him to get involved too. They told him he could go over there but Howard told him he might want to calm down. By then the girls were spanking each other. Then Howard asked the girls if they wanted to ride the Sybian. Joanna had never been on one before but Sunny knew about it so Howard asked her to sit on it and show Joanna how to ride it. She went over after hesitating a little bit. Howard thought she was being a bit shy.
Sunny went over and got on the machine and took it for a ride. Joanna was there helping her out and doing stuff to her as she was trying to get off. Howard was directing her to take off her top and play with her boobs. Sunny said that she didn't think that Gary was controlling it right so Howard had him hand over the controls so they could control the speed. It wasn't working for Sunny so Howard told her to get off of it and had Joanna get on.
Joanna got on the Sybian and Sunny messed around with her while she rode it. She wasn't getting off either so Howard let them give up after a couple of minutes. Artie told the girls that he was ready to take them back to his apartment to do some coke with them. They didn't sound interested and told Artie that drugs are bad for him.
Howard gave the girls some plugs for the book, Naked Ambition: An R-rated Look at an X-rated Industry, and for their web sites JoannaAngel.com and SunnyLeone.com. Gary ended up getting pissed at Sunny because she had insulted him while he was controlling the Sybian. He said that she told him that she can't do anything with ''that guy'' over there. He ended up telling her that she was a bore and that people could find her at Skank.com. He went off on her for a couple of minutes and said that she's frigid if she can't get off on that machine.
Artie told Sunny that he'd like to fuck her to make her feel better. She said that she'd do that as long as Gary wasn't in the room. Gary went off on her saying that she'd lose her looks like about 7 years anyway so he doesn't care. It got pretty brutal there at the end between Gary and sunny. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played the messages that Jackie left for him on his voice mail recently. In the first message Jackie said that he'd like to go to dinner with him sometime. He said that just signed on for another year there at SIRIUS and he's happy about that. He also said that he has no idea why Fred hates him. He said that maybe he's being an idiot or something but he really has no idea what the problem is. He also talks about Gary's teeth and wondered where he's going to move those things to. He said that it was like the nicest birthday present anyone could have given to Howard.
Artie said that he greatest part of that call is that Jackie was at the Sundance Film Festival when he made the call. He and the guys talked about how funny that was. Fred joked that he was parking cars out there, that was the only reason he was there.
Fred said that Jackie was spending most of that call kissing Howard's ass. He didn't like the way he was disloyal to the show and to Howard and Robin. He said that he was very selfish when he walked away from the show the way he did.
Fred was also talking about the e-mail he sent to Jackie when he was having some tough times in his life and he had to kind of push him off for a while. He said that he wasn't saying he didn't want to talk to him or anything, he was just putting him on hold. He said he doesn't hate Jackie but both Howard and Robin said that it sounds like he does hate him.
Fred said that he likes Jackie but he doesn't like some of the things he's done. He said he loves him and he hates him. Howard said that it still sounds like he hates him. Fred said that he doesn't hate anyone except maybe Osama bin Laden and Jackie isn't Osama bin Laden.
Fred said he thinks that Stuttering John hates him even though he was never trying to hurt him on the show. He said that he doesn't hate John but he thinks that he left the show in a shitty way just like Jackie did.
Irish John called in and asked Fred if the History of Howard Stern pissed him off or something because that's what it kind of sounds like. Fred said that it's not anger, it's more of an intensity thing.
Jeff said that he heard about Jackie being at the Sundance Film Festival and he heard he was there to promote h is movie ''Broke Hack Mountain.'' He just came up with that one out in the hall.
Howard said that it seemed like roasting was kind of a lost art and the younger guys weren't doing that kind of stuff. He said that it seems like Jeff brought the brutal roasts back and he wondered if he'd take credit for something like that. Jeff said he'd take some credit but not all of it. Howard read that he won't roast people he hates, only people he likes. He actually turned down a roast for Mike Tyson because he's a rapist and he doesn't really think that's funny. He said he might do it if it were for a charity or something.
Howard had a technical problem in the studio and he wondered where the noise was coming from. It may have been Jeff's headphones so they had him swap them out. That's what it was. Jeff told Howard that it was very exciting to see them this morning. He said he knows that Howard has hidden out in the roasts before and watched his guys doing their thing.
Howard asked Jeff about the roast for Steven Seagal that he did. Jeff said that he hadn't done one before and he did some studying before he did it. He said that he killed with everyone in the place but Seagal just sat there and didn't laugh at all. He said that Milton Bearle had introduced him but had no idea who he was at the time.
Howard asked Jeff if he's ever had to edit his own jokes down so he wouldn't offend because they were just so out there. Jeff said he must have some kind of filter that stops him from doing jokes like that. He's never had that kind of joke before.
Howard said that Jeff was at the Pam Anderson roast and asked him about that. Jeff said that some people thought that he went too far that day. He said that a lot of his friends were there and he walked out in a full length fur coat and both Pam and Courtney Love started throwing ice at him because they're both in PETA. Howard asked him about Courtney Love's behavior there and how she didn't seem to get what a roast was about. Jeff said that he told some great jokes about her and she seemed to have fun with it because she was pretending to blow him at one point in the show.
Howard said that the roasts have gotten to be pretty crazy. He heard about the one roast where Steve-O was peeing behind the stage. Jeff said he tried to help Steve out a little bit by giving him some ideas for what he could do at the roast but he ended up getting so wasted that he just ended up pulling his wiener out and peeing in a glass.
Howard asked Jeff if they ever tell him that there are things that he can't talk about at these roasts. Jeff said that it only happened once, at the Jerry Lewis telethon. He said that he was told not to tell any jokes about ''the kids'' but he went ahead and did one and it was the best joke of the night. Jeff said that he told a joke about how good Jerry was because one of the kids actually got up and walked for the first time, to turn off the Jerry Lewis Telethon.
Artie said that he was told not to talk about William Shatner's wife dying in the pool at his roast. He said that no one joked about it that night. Jeff said that William Shatner is to acting as William Shatner is to life guarding.
Jeff talked about how he missed Artie's roast and how he was kind of upset about that. Howard heard he didn't do it because it wasn't for charity. Jeff said that he needs a dignified reason to do something like that and he spends a couple of weeks writing jokes so he needs a good reason to do that.
Jeff had some jokes about Artie that he had written for the roast so he was going to do them today. Howard told him that all of the drugs and fat jokes are off limits. Jeff went into the stuff he had written about Artie and talked about his upcoming visit to Iraq and how he had just hit the weight of 911. He goofed on his size and said that it looked like he had already been blown up. He's so big that Al Qaeda may want to try and fly a plane into him. He also said that they may give him a special Emmy award for being the fattest person on Entourage. He also said that the only 12 steps Artie is taking are to the refrigerator.
Howard heard that Jeff had run into Robin on a flight recently. Jeff apparently said that he thought that he could have had her sexually too. He said that he saw that Robin actually switched her seat to sit next to him but Robin said that it was the other way around, he was the one who switched the seats so he could talk to her. Jeff said that he would have asked her out if he knew that it could get him on the show. He asked if he could stick around for the news if he went down on her.
Howard asked Jeff what he thinks about Robin dating Jim Florentine. He asked Robin what it is about him that turns her on, the retarded puppet or the 1983 Camaro. He had some jokes about their relationship and how he wasn't sure if Jim was trying to sleep his way to the top or if Robin was trying to sleep her way to the middle. Artie wondered when Jim was going to get to the middle.
Artie told a joke that Jeff told about Rob Schneider at his roast. He said that Jeff said that Rob looked like Artie Lange and KD Lange had a kid.
Howard asked Jeff about his claims that he introduced Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Jeff said that he did do that back stage at an event that they were all at. He said he remembered Jimmy being very excited about the fact that Sarah knew who he was.
Howard talked to Jeff about how comedians these days seem to be quite the playboys. He said that David Spade allegedly got that Jillian Grace pregnant. He asked Jeff if he's had any Playboy chicks. He shook his head yes and eventually admitted he had done some hot chicks like that. He said he wishes David Spade the best with that whole situation. He said that he uses two rubbers himself, one on his balls just to be sure.
Jeff told Howard that he was really close to Buddy Hackett and he even gave the eulogy at his funeral. He said that he was really affected by that and things started to change for him after that. He said that the war started out in Iraq and then Bob Hope died and things weren't looking good at the time. He said that his mail man actually started crying when he read that Bob Hope had died. He said that the guy was really upset because Bob Hope had come out to entertain him when he was in the war. That started to sink in with Jeff and he ended up being the first USO tour to go in over in Iraq with Drew Carey and a few other comedians.
Jeff said he went over to Iraq and wondered what kind of material to do there. He got some advice to just talk about anything but the war. He said that he felt much more proud about what he does after going over there to do that show. He said he felt like more of a grown up after doing it.
Robin said that Jeff had some worries for Artie going over to Iraq. She said that he told her that he was afraid that they wouldn't be able to find a bullet proof vest for him because he's so big. Artie said that he really wants to go over there.
Jeff said that it's going to be tough over there for Artie. He said that it was tough for him because he had some dehydration problems himself. Howard asked Jeff when he got laid last. Jeff said he had someone a few weeks ago at the Playboy party. He said that he almost came on the invitation because he was so excited. Then he said that he banged Martin Landau.
Howard asked Jeff about the writer's strike and if he thinks that Jay Leno is doing the wrong thing by going back to work. Jeff said that he talked to some people about that and he thinks that Jay is doing it for his staff to keep them employed. He said that it would be nice if they all stayed off and didn't do their shows like they are.
Howard asked Jeff if he thinks that Jay is getting help with his monologue. Jeff said that it seems like he's repurposing old material and he may be getting some suggestions from some of his pals. He said that it's a tough one to figure out and he'd think that if he was getting help, someone would get screwed and end up going to TMZ to snitch on him.
Howard asked Jeff if he'd do Letterman since he's got a deal with the writers. He said that he would but he's a Kimmel guy and he usually only does his show. He doesn't think that the writer's are out of line with their demands either.
Howard was going to wrap up with Jeff and asked Artie something. Artie had a mouth full of food so he asked him what he was eating. Artie said it was just grilled chicken. He told Howard how great Jeff is as he was chewing down that food.
Howard gave Jeff some plugs for his gigs at Caroline's this week. Artie also gave him a plug for a movie he made that he liked. Jeff told Artie that he has to be really careful over there in Iraq when he's there. He said that if anything happens to him, they'll never get another comedian to go over there. You can find out more about Jeff's upcoming gigs at Myspace.com/JeffreyRossLive.
Howard brought up the fact that Jeff had banged a Playmate just a few weeks ago. Artie said that he's a ladies man and people aren't usually aware of that. Howard gave him some more plugs and wrapped up a short time later. They went to break after that.
Steve Langford came in to give them a rundown of what they had coming up. He said that they have a story about Artie doing an interview with someone and saying that he thinks that proposing to a woman on Valentine's day was so cliché. He was basically going off on Howard about that since that's what he did last Valentine's day.
Artie came wandering back in so Howard asked him why he was doing something like that. Artie said he forgot that Howard did that and he wasn't going off on him. He told him to bring that up with this therapist. Howard told him to bring it up with his.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what would be worse for him, having a kid or finding out his daughter was pregnant. Howard said that having his own kid would be terrible and a horrible disaster. He said that she'd be a great mother but he wants nothing to do with that. He said that he's the disaster in that equation.
Steve got back to his news rundown and said that they have Eric the Midget singing over the phone with the song that he and another guy are writing. They also have a story about Adam Carolla talking to Greg Fitzsimmons about turning down the offer to sit in on the show like Artie does. Howard said he never offered it to Adam from what he remembers. Artie said he heard that he was the second choice and Adam was the first choice. He thought that Artie was the only one he could sit with every single day.
Gary said that he remembers Howard being very interested in Adam but he doesn't remember a firm offer being made. Howard said that he thinks Adam is very good but he doesn't remember offering him the job. Steve said that Adam turned it down because he had a life going on at the time out in L.A.
Artie said that there were times when he, Adam and Jimmy sat in on the show together. Those were some crazy times. Howard said that Jimmy was very buy at the time too so he's pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to do it either.
Artie said that he lucked out because The Norm Show had been canceled at the time. If it had been picked up for a third year, he would have gone back out there to do that.
Jon Hein came in and gave a preview of what they were going to go over today on the Wrap Up Show. He said they're going to talk about Sunny Leone and Joanna Angel's visit. That led to the guys talking to Gary about the comments that Sunny made about Gary. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is the reason that Gary has to wear a mask when he's in the studio controlling the Sybian. Howard said that's what he wants from now on and he doesn't want anyone else controlling the Sybian.
Howard said that Gary is good with the microphones and he knows where they should go but he does need to wear that mask. Howard asked Gary to just put on the mask and accept it.
Jon got back to his preview and talked about the Eric the Midget call that happened today and how they finally got his ''girlfriend'' on the phone. Howard said that was some voice that Eric had when he was yelling at Gary. Robin said that he sounded like a demon when he flipped out. They spent a minute goofing on him about that. Then Howard played some more of the internet show he did last night where the show was all choppy. This was the unedited tape that JD had.
Jon ran down a bunch of other things that they'll be covering today before Howard said that Robin was going to get to her news.
Howard said that Letterman had Ringo on and let him play the whole song. He said he tuned in to see it and turned it off after about 30 seconds. He said that was all he needed to hear, he was done after that. Robin said they had the song there so they could play it. Howard said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that but he did play a little bit of it. The guys spent a short time talking about the song and how it was a little reminiscent of some older songs that the Beatles have done.
Robin brought up a story about Tom Brady and his possible injured ankle. There are pictures of him out there wearing regular cowboy boots so now people are wondering if he's really injured. That all led to Artie talking about how he's going to be betting on the game and he's going to take a bet that could end up buying him a boat if he wins. He said he wants to let the money he's won so far ride on the big game and hopefully win. He said he'll let them know by the end of the week if he's going to do that.
Sour Shoes called in to do his impression of Ringo for the guys. He did some of his Ringo songs as if they were being played on Regis and Kelly. He was even doing his Regis impression. Howard told him to go in the other room and see if his parents have a gun to their heads.
Howard took a call from Ralph who suggested that Gary get a boom microphone and use that instead of sitting near the Sybian. Howard said they need him right there next to the machine. Ralph was also saying that the Jeffrey Ross interview was really good and he was surprised that he wasn't the scumbag he comes off like when he sees him on those roasts.
Ralph said that he had a line on the big game and ended up asking Artie about how much he was going to be betting. He guessed that it was around 50 grand. Artie said that he's a little low there. He said that he could bet a lot less than that but he really wants to put more money on it and have a lot of fun with it. Howard told him to bet like $500 or maybe $1000 on the game and have fun with that. Artie said he can't do that because he's straight.
Howard said that the voyeur in him wants to see Artie bet that huge money but on the other hand, he thinks that he should hold on to the money. Artie said that he has a bookie that is really paranoid about him right now. He said that the guy is so nervous that the guy was giving them all nicknames of women. He said that his nickname was ''Michelle'' for a while. He said that he'd have to call and tell the guy it was ''Michelle for 36...'' when he wanted to place a bet. He said he had to put a stop to it because it was too gay.
Robin got back to her news a short time later and read through some more stories about some various stuff. She had some more information about Heath Ledger so she went through that. She had some audio clips from some people commenting about his career and his death. They talked about the movie ''Brokeback Mountain'' and Artie talked about how disturbing it was to him.
Howard played some clips of Eric the Midget's American Idol show that he did last night that he threw into the news. A short time later Gary told Howard that he had pulled the clips of Eric the Midget freaking out on them and yelling. Howard played the clip and got some laughs out of the guys there. He said that Eric is really a sore loser. He flipped out on them over something so simple.
Robin read through some more stories and she'd said the name of a skier who was killed in a film shoot recently. The place where he was killed had the word wood in it so Artie, Fred and Howard had some fun doing their Beavis and Butt-Head impressions and goofing around a bit. They did that with some other stories as well.
Robin read a story about Amy Winehouse being caught on video smoking crack recently. That led to Artie talking about how hot that is to him. Every time Robin would say a word like head or wood, Fred and Artie would interrupt with their Beavis and Butt-Head impressions.
Robin had some clips from last night's American Idol and had Howard play those. Howard played some of the Eric the Midget clips from his JFSC show that he did where it was all choppy that he threw in while they were playing those. They wrapped up the show a short time later, around 10:50am.
Artie told the guys about the tips he used to get on games and how they hardly ever came through for him. Jon took a call from Wheels who asked him why he doesn't do football pools. Artie said that only chicks do that, he's talking about real gambling.
Gary said that he's been in contact with the Kraft family about getting some of the Patriots on the show next week. Artie said that he doesn't want to see any Patriots in there. He threatened to call in sick if they do have any of them in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a huge fan of Artie's and he had some information on the line on the big game. He gave them some information on that. He got his information from Bodog.com so that led to Artie talking about how the guys who started that site are like billionaires now and he saw them on this Robin Leach-light show where they talk about the riches of these people. He goofed on that for a short time.
The guys spent some time talking about the line on the Bowl and what they think about that. Artie told a story about how Dana and her mother asked him to place a $50 bet for them out in Vegas. Meanwhile he had 25 grand on the same game and ended up losing. He said that he went home and she asked him for the $50 that they won and that ended up leading to a fight.
Gary said that he remembers some of the stories that Artie would tell him about his betting and the problems he had with Dana over them. Artie said that he had to blow off a bunch of weddings that Dana wanted to drag him to. He said that he just wanted to pay them off instead of going to the wedding. They'd get into a fight over that and he'd just keep throwing money at her trying to get out of going. He said one of them ended up costing him 5 grand.
Jon played a clip of Gary going off on Sunny about all of that after she made the comment about him. Artie had pointed out that sunny told him that he was like ''Mr. Sensitivo'' during that discussion. He kept it going when they brought this stuff up.
Artie said that Sunny was kind of chunky and the other chick looked like Amy Winehouse. The guys talked about how she was still hot even though Artie said she was chunky. Gary said that it made it sting more that Sunny was hot when she said what she said about him. The guys told Gary what he could have done to get back at her but Gary said he didn't want to get into it too much with her. He said he could have talked about how short she was.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he knows that he's not that good looking of a guy. Gary said that none of them in the studio are that good looking. The caller also said he had given Artie some ''turkey cocks'' up at the show he did recently and wondered if he enjoyed them. Artie said they were okay, he tried them. They weren't real joints, they were candy that looked like a turkey's cock or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the chick was a fuckin' cunt for goofing on him. He told him he should put on that mask once in a while though, it couldn't hurt.
One caller asked Artie if he was really into those chicks today because he was coming on kind of strong. Artie said that he did like one of the chicks and he would have thrown her a little somethin' somethin' if he could have. Gary said that Sunny has been offered like $75,000 by guys who want to sleep with her. He said he can't wait for 10 years to go by so that number drops down to $75.
The guys talked about Sunny Leone and tried to figure out what kind of money she makes for shooting porn films. He was thinking it was like 10 grand but Artie told him it's probably not even $2500. Gary wondered why a woman would take that kind of money to do films but not take $75,000 to bang a guy. Artie said that it doesn't make any sense at all.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary must be shocked that a girl couldn't get off looking at him. He was being sarcastic. He told Gary that he took it kind of personally. Gary said he did because she didn't need to go there the way she did. Gary said that he doesn't need to be in the shot that the TV guys are taking. He said that they could get him out of the show no problem.
Gary said that Mike Gange was trying to hand him the mask as he was sitting there and he ended up swatting him away. He doesn't like people touching him like that without his knowing it.
Another caller asked Artie why he would put so much money on the Super Bowl. Artie said that it's like playing the house money, it's not even his money. Artie told him that he should call back after that game, when he's won, because he'll want to take the $100,000 and put it on the Pro Bowl.
Benjy said the thought that Artie was making like $3 to $5 million a year and that he had said it on the air. Artie said that he never did that. He went off on Benjy telling him that he was going to fire off an angry letter to Chuck Zito and sign his name to it.
The caller on the line asked about the applause that they used to have on the show back in the told days. He was annoyed by that during the History of Howard Stern special. Artie said that was a staple of the show back then and it was kind of funny because they'd clap at the most ridiculous stuff as a goof. That all went away eventually though. That and the drum that they used to play. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon played a clip from the show where Gary told Eric to admit defeat but he doesn't and just goes off on Gary instead and then flips out and screams at them.
The guys got a few laughs from that screaming. Gary gave Eric a ''fuck you'' and said that he still thinks that he's a douche bag. He said that he enjoys him on the show but he really is annoying. He said that it's like one of those old Abbot and Costello shows with the ''Slowly I turned... ''' bit going on when Howard plays those clips for the names they have for him.
Jon took a call and the guy asked what it is that this girl wants out of Eric. Gary said he's not sure but he was able to twist some arms to get her on the show. He just had to get a message to her and it got her to call in pretty quick. The caller also asked what happened to the big clit contest that they were going to do. Gary said he's not sure, it just kind of went away.
Another caller asked what's going on with Kendra and Johnny Fratto. Gary said that he thinks that being Eric's friend is a great way to get on the show and that might be part of it. Benjy asked if they think that she could ever get into Eric and fall for him. Gary said that's just not happening. They talked about how hot Kendra is and how there is very little chance that she could fall for Eric. Benjy said that he thinks that something could happen there. He said that looks aren't that important to all women like they are with guys.
Gary said that Kendra is being very sweet to Eric but she might be misleading him. She isn't interested in him romantically from what he could tell. Jon said that Howard seems to be trying to protect Eric just in case there is something fishy going on there.
Gary said that he backed out of the bet with Johnny because he thinks that Kendra can control when she goes out to meet Eric. He said that Eric is going to be rejected if he tries to put his hand down her pants if they go out to a concert. Benjy threw out a ''fuck her'' to Jillian Barberie for her comments about Eric. He said he'd rather have Eric over her any day.
Jon asked JD what was going on with his clips of Eric's show today. JD mumbled something about it and didn't really have an explanation for what he did when he edited together some clips. The guys kind of goofed on him so he almost walked out of the studio.
Jon went to some phone calls and one guy said that Eric has become one of the best Wack Packers out there. He was also wondering what's going on with Big Foot. Gary said that he's not that easy to find. He said that Beetlejuice is easy to find, so is Elephant Boy. Big Foot lives far away and he's hard to find so they just don't have him on as often.
A woman called in and told Gary that he came off as kind of insecure and not so classy when he went off on that girl today. Gary said that he may see her point of view after he clams down but he really didn't appreciate her comments about him. The woman said that she almost had to turn off the show when that happened. Gary said that he knows that there will be a bunch of guys writing to him telling him that they fell the opposite and they appreciate him putting her in her place.
Another caller said that Gary used to be able to take this stuff and maybe he's having a bit of a mid-life crisis or something. Gary said that he doesn't believe that's the case. He said he's not getting the braces and he can take that kind of shit from people in the family, not from a guest like Sunny.
Jon asked the guys if they think that Gary is going through a mid-life crisis. Benjy said that he doesn't think so and he thinks that they may have pushed Sunny into making those comments. He didn't think that it was all about him in the beginning. Gary said that she did want to control the machine herself but they have a way of doing things there and that's what they were doing. He said that she saw the ugly guy in the corner and commented on him. Benjy didn't think she was being mean about it but Gary said that she just said it without thinking and she really didn't need to.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks Ralph is going to say when he picks up. Gary said that he's probably going to say that he's being too sensitive. Ralph got on and said that he agrees with Gary on this one and he had every right to do that to her. He said that he was cheering him when he heard that. He also said that he liked when Gary said he'd like to see where she's going to be in 20 years. Gary was proud of the way he said that they could find her pictures on skank.com. He said he meant to say ''ChubbySkank.com.''
Jon replayed the clip of Eric the Midget freaking out since Ralph missed that earlier this morning. Ralph found that kind of amusing. Jon took another call from a guy who said that seeing Eric on cam is kind of depressing. the guys said that he does smile once in a while though. Gary said that he thinks that they help Eric get some feelings and he's probably better off with them around than if they weren't in his life. He could walk away at any time if he wanted to. Ralph said he doesn't think that he has that ability. The guys thought he was joking about the wheelchair but Ralph said he didn't even mean it that way.
A caller asked the guys if they think that Eric is just naive or if he's mentally ill thinking that he's going to work with these famous people and date a hot chick like Kendra. Gary said that he thinks that he's just been sheltered in his life and may not know how real life works.
Another caller was goofing on Ralph but he sounded kind of sleepy so Ralph was goofing on him. He was also telling Gary that he thinks that he's great on the show and he shouldn't let anyone get to him.
Jon asked the guys where they think Fred stands on this whole thing. Gary said that he thinks that Fred is just annoyed by some of the stuff that Jackie does. He doesn't think that he hates him. Ralph said that he thinks that Fred still has a lot of anger about Jackie and it came across during the History of Howard Stern special. Jon and Gary said they didn't think it came off all that bad and that's the way Fred has always been with Jackie.
Jon asked Benjy about his discussion with Chuck Zito. Benjy said he was happy with the way things went. That led to them talking about a trick that Chuck pulled on Benjy after the interview. Benjy said that he gave him a smack that was really loud and scared the crap out of him.
Gary gave a quick rundown of what went on with that discussion and how Ivy got Benjy into this whole thing. Ralph said that relationship has really worked out for him. Benjy claims that he just had some sexual relations with Ivy a few hours before work. Gary heard that she offered him a threesome yesterday but Benjy had to go to work. She was basically telling him that he was a homo. Gary told Benjy that he can absolutely show up late to work if that's an option for him to have a threesome.
Jon also brought up the Jeffrey Ross interview and how he was saying that he'll only do a roast if it's for charity. They talked about how odd that was that he didn't show up to Artie's roast and things like that. Benjy was saying that Ralph was right about some people thinking that he was kind of a prick. He said he never thought that himself but there are some people who do. Gary said he thought that today's appearance was great. He said that some of his other appearances haven't been all that consistent but today was great. They all liked the jokes he had about Artie. Jon had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
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Howard started off the show saying they were off to the races again this morning. Fred threw in some horse race sound effects and then Howard went to the phones as he was doing a goofy morning DJ voice. The first caller, Eric, was about to ask a question but Howard stayed in that character and goofed around for a couple of minutes. He put some echo on his voice and did that impression for the guy.
The caller asked Howard what he's going to do if Beth does get pregnant. He was about to drag out the question so Howard went off on him about that. He said the guy must love the sound of his own voice. Howard went on to say that he would ask her to have an abortion because he doesn't want any more kids. He said it would be for his own mental health even though she's against abortion.
Howard said that he's not sure if that's a bad thing to ask for, getting an abortion. Robin said that it kind of harsh. The caller asked if Beth would ask him to leave the show. Howard said he wouldn't do that and Robin said she didn't know what he meant with that. Howard can't leave the show just like that. He said he has a contract to honor so he wouldn't do that. Howard said that would be crazy.
Eric had a question for Artie as well. The guy said that he asked to go out to Vegas with Artie last week and his ex-wife ended up cancelling his reservations on him. Howard got fed up with that and hung up on him saying that he was zoning out on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was working last night and one of the guys was listening to a couple of guys talking to a psychiatrist... Howard cut him off and said he had no idea what he was talking about. The caller said he was listening to Opie and Anthony doing a Sal and Richard bit but Howard said he really doesn't care, everyone on radio does his bits. He said that even TV shows are taking his ideas and doing them on TV.
Howard said he was doing an American Idol like show when he was in Detroit. The show ''I'm smarter than a 5th grader'' is based on stuff they've done on the show over the years too.
Howard said the weird story came out this morning about Mary Kate being friends with Heath and when the Housekeeper found the body, she didn't call 911, she called Mary Kate Olsen. Instead of Mary Kate telling her to call 911, she sent over a private security force.
Robin said the story was even more convoluted than that. She said that the housekeeper made the call to Mary Kate because it was in Heath's phone. She wasn't sure if it was programmed to call that number or if it was just in there and she looked for her number. She also said that she figured that Heath was dead but she ended up calling Mary Kate back again.
Howard said that he was reading about this guy John Gibson from FOX News who has a radio show now. He said that he was being really cruel about Heath Ledger on his show. He said that he's no kiss ass himself but when he was in his 20s, he experimented with a lot of drugs. He said it's his biggest regret in his life though. He said that he could have died on any given night of his life. He realizes that now. He said he doesn't know what things were going on in his life, if he was unhappy or insecure or what.
Robin said that kids think they're invincible, that's another reason they do stuff like that. Howard wondered if JD had the audio clip of this John Gibson talking about Heath or not. Gary said that he'd have it in a couple of minutes. Howard went on to say that he didn't think that Gibson was that harsh on people from what he knew from watching him on TV.
Howard said that he'll play the clip later if JD can pull that together. Artie said that he found it odd that they found a rolled up $20 bill on him but it didn't have any drug residue on it. Howard said he heard that they asked Jack Nicholson about this and he said that he ''warned him...''
Gary came in and gave Howard a picture of Mary Kate Olsen and asked him if he could tell them apart. Howard was able to tell the difference. He said he knows which one he's attracted to. Gary asked Artie which one he's attracted to. He picked out the more normal looking one and it was Ashley. He said that Mary Kate's face looks kind of Elf-like than the other one. He said the other one looks more ''normal.''
Robin said that they went to some other people for statements about Heath's death and there were a lot of attractive women that knew him.
Howard got a hold of the John Gibson audio clip so he played that. He had some funeral music playing and some clips from some of his movies like Brokeback Mountain. Then he goes on and talks about how he may have had a drug problem and how it could have been an overdose or a suicide. Then he reads some stuff about how he thought about death and he was going off on the guy like he had no right to be thinking about death at 28 hears of age. Gibson says that it was a terrible thing but he thought that Ledger should have been thinking about the good things. After listening to the clip he didn't think it was as bad as he originally thought it was.
The guys were telling the guy that he shouldn't even be watching her show. That's kind of creepy right there. The guy mentioned some names of people like Avril Lavigne and the Olsen Twins who the guys would talk about being hot when they were still young girls. Howard said that he never thought about them like this guy was thinking about Hannah Montana.
Artie said that he was wondering if he would kiss Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain to get the hot chicks that Heath Ledger was getting. He said there's no way he would do that.
The next caller asked Fred if he's ever had a psychiatric evaluation. Fred said he has been to a shrink but he didn't want to get into too many details about that. That somehow led to the caller challenging Fred to a fight. Howard said that Fred was the one with the anger issues but Fred thought that it was the caller who may have had the anger issues. The caller was also asking about some Deion Sanders clips that Artie mentioned last week on the Wrap Up Show.
Gary came in and told Howard where the clips of Deion Sanders were. Howard played some of those clips that they played on the show years ago. They used to goof on the guy back when he was hosting this beauty pageant and had a funny delivery. He'd say the name of the state they were getting questions from and do a weird thing with his voice.
The guys were doing their impressions of him and they noticed that his voice was similar to Jackie the Joke Man doing his black guy voice in some of the jokes he tells. That led to Howard playing some clips of Jackie telling a joke where he does that black impression (Give Rodney a Chance) that they were goofing on. That was from Jackie's Joke Hunt show that he does every Tuesday night on Howard 101.
Howard got back to the Deion Sanders clips and played through some more of those. The caller asked if he could come in and take a tour of the studio. Howard told him that they're backed up on those so he has to say no this time. He said that he just can't keep giving people tours like that.
Howard played a new Jack and Rod bit where they took Jackie's ''Give Rodney a Chance'' joke and had him asking a caller the questions in the joke. The guy would give the right answer but Jackie would tell him he was wrong. The guy eventually hangs up on them saying that he knows his math. Howard said that was a good one.
Howard said he didn't have time to go see the movie so they said that they were going to send the movie over yesterday and he'd have to give it back today. He said he couldn't promise he was going to see it that soon. He said he does have a life. Gary said that the DVD was in California on Tuesday night, a guy flew it in and put it in his hands yesterday. He said that they want to come and get it today and they're going to destroy it themselves.
Howard said that he usually puts one in a paper shredder himself so they don't have to worry about it. Gary said they got a woman in trouble over that one time because they didn't give it back to her directly.
Howard said that he saw the movie and loved it. He said he's not just saying that either. Robin didn't believe him. Howard said that if you're a Rambo movie lover, you'll love this new one. Artie said he didn't like the third one but the others were good.
Howard said that Sylvester does look good in the film. He's older now but he's looking good. He said that he's living in the jungles of Thailand in the movie and that's where it's supposed to take place. He said that some of the stuff in the movie is real footage of some genocide stuff that's going on over in Burma and it's very disturbing.
Howard said that he really thought it was good but Robin kept saying that she didn't believe him. She said that she was going to call Stallone ''Grampbo'' when he calls in.
Artie said that he admires Stallone trying to do some good sequels to both Rambo and Rocky. He admires him for doing that. Howard told Robin that he's still a super soldier and there is no deterioration in his skills and they may be even better now that he's older.
Fred said that there were some comments on IMDB.com where people were saying that the movie was a masterpiece. They talk about it as though it's one of the greatest movies ever made. Howard said that the effects in the movie are very realistic and amazing to him.
Howard said that when you see the stuff in the movie where kids are getting killed, it really hits you that this stuff is going on around the world.
Howard played some clips from the older Rambo movies that they've played before. Robin said that Howard has led her wrong before so she's going to reserve judgment until she sees this herself.
Howard got Eric on the phone and told him about what this caller had to say. Eric told him to shut the fuck up but that was about it. He didn't have much else to add. Howard told the caller that he had to stick with Eric because he does like him on the show. He told Eric that he's not sure what to do though because he doesn't want to lose a subscriber.
Howard said that Eric seemed to work out the technical problems he had on his internet show. He said that he's come to a conclusion about the show now that those problems are fixed. He said that it was very choppy on Tuesday night but last night it was much better.
Howard said it's obvious that Eric just wants to watch American Idol and doesn't really have all that much to say about it. His co-host Gina will try to ask him some questions but it seems to just annoy Eric. He played a clip of Gina asking Eric about the show as they were watching it but Eric wasn't responding much. He'd give her a couple word answer but he wouldn't say much of anything.
Howard said that Gina is asking Eric some questions about Paula's appearance and Eric would just say she looks somewhat okay. He thinks that he should be offering more commentary. Eric said that he didn't have any problems answering questions from the crowd in the room. He said that he does that during commercial breaks. He said that when the show is going on he'd rather see what's going on there and give commentary on the contestants.
Howard said that in another clip Gina asks Eric if he likes Leno or Letterman more. Eric said that he likes Leno. Gina had to drag it out of him why that was. Eric said that Letterman acts like too much of a dork and his segments aren't funny at all. He likes Leno's monologue and the bits he does better than Letterman's.
Howard said that was Eric's show last night. Eric said that he would like people to stick with the contestants and questions about that when they're watching the show with him.
Howard said that Eric was really a sore loser yesterday when they got Kendra on the show. Howard said that he lost and he refused to accept that. Eric told Howard he's a jackass because he didn't have his facts straight. Eric said that he never challenged Gary, Howard did that for him. He said that Gary said that she would be on the show by last Thursday and it didn't happen until yesterday.
Eric said that Kendra didn't technically appear on the show. Howard didn't understand that. He said she was on the show talking, that's being on the show. Eric refused to believe that and said that she was not on his show. He said that she was on a three way call with Johnny (Fratto) and that wasn't technically being on the show. Howard said that she was on the air, that was being on the show. Eric said that his co-host was telling him that she didn't appear on the show.
Eric said that he heard that Gary was going to leave Kendra alone from now on but he didn't leave her alone because he kept talking about it yesterday. Howard told Eric that he lost and he has to admit that. Eric refused to say that he lost and they won. He said that they didn't win and told Howard that he's a jackass. Howard said that Kendra came on the show, that's it, he wins. Eric said that he ''doesn't win shit, you piece of shit.''
Howard started playing some of the clips of Eric's voice saying that he's Eric the... shithead, piece of shit and stuff like that. Eric yelled at him to stop playing those clips.
Howard told Eric that it's ridiculous that he won't accept that he's lost to them. Kendra was on the show and it doesn't matter how she got on. Robin also told him that he's not her boyfriend, he hasn't even met her yet.
Eric yelled at the guys to let him talk because they kept talking over him. Fred said that there are probably other guys fingering her while she's talking to him. Eric told him to shut up ''you ignorant asshole.''
Ralph called in and said that he's so glad that he got up early this morning. He said that Eric was great on the show yesterday and he had to listen to it twice. He said that people come into his JFSC.tv room and do that shit all day long.
Ralph asked Eric if he likes anyone on the show or if he hates everyone. Eric didn't get to answer because the guys were all talking over him. Ralph said that Eric talks out of his ass because he said that Kendra never appeared on the show.
Eric was demanding that Howard stop playing those clips of his voice doing the Eric the... stuff. He said that he knows that it's Howard doing that and he wants him to stop. Howard asked Eric if he likes him or not. Eric said he did admit last night that he does like Howard.
Howard asked Eric one last time who won. He asked if he admits defeat. Ralph answered for him and did an impression of him. Eric said that he wasn't going to admit he lost. He said he would do that if Howard would take him up on another bet. He said that he wanted to bet that he would see her before his birthday (March 11) or before Valentine's day. Howard said that if this girl is in love with him, she'd give him a hand job, but he's sure that she won't even do that.
Howard said that he agrees that Kendra will see Eric and Johnny Fratto will probably fly her out there. He said that she's not even going to tongue kiss him. He said that there's no way in the world that she's going to give him head. Eric said that he can't guarantee that either, it's up to her. He said he's a gentleman and he wouldn't make her do anything like that if she doesn't want to.
Howard said he'd be willing to bet Eric that there's no way she's going to do anything to him at all. Eric didn't want to get into that stuff though. Artie told him that he has to get a Munchkin Blumpkin from her to win this bet.
Howard said that Eric is upset that he lost this bet. Eric said he didn't lose the bet. Ralph said that Kendra was saying she didn't love sex but Fred pointed out that on her web site (KendrasSecret.com) she makes it seem like she loves nothing but sex.
Howard said she doesn't think that Kendra is in love with Eric and this stuff just won't happen. He said that she sees Johnny Fratto more than she sees Eric. Eric said that's because she's working on his TV show. Ralph said that she could go visit him too because he's doing a show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Fratto is making this girl do this for Eric to make him feel better. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there.
Robin asked Eric what happened to the other girlfriend he had a few weeks ago. Howard said that he wanted her but didn't get her.
A phone caller said he doesn't like Eric on the show but now that he hates Ralph, he should have him on all the time. Another guy said that they should have Ralph try to fuck Kendra before Eric gets her. Then he threw out Spice Boy's name and said he should try to get her. Howard said that he wouldn't want to see that happen. Artie said that would be cruel to hear tape of Kendra and some other guy fucking her. That led to Fred playing some porn clips of what that might sound like.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in and was about to let him go but Eric said that because of something Shuli did, he's never going to appear at a comedy show with Bob Levy again. He said that Shuli took his song and did a parody of it so he's done with him.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to admit that he was wrong about the Kendra thing or not. Eric said he wasn't going to admit that. He said he can think whatever he wants. Ralph called back in and said that he could apologize to him or he's going to try and bang Kendra. He figures that if Eric can get her, he could get her. Ralph said that Artie has a show out there in a few weeks so maybe he'll go out there then. Artie said that he's going to bring a bunch of guys with him to fuck her. Howard said he could send John Stamos out there to get her.
Ralph asked Eric if he was going to apologize to him or if he should go get Kendra. Ralph said that he's going to have to try if he won't. Eric said he's not apologizing so Ralph said he'll have to try. Eric kept telling Ralph to go back to bed. He also told Ralph that he's ugly but Ralph told him that he's not much of a looker either.
Ralph said he had to comment on Jillian Barberie as well. He said that he never said that she hit the wall, he just thinks that she wears too much make up and it makes her look like a tranny.
Howard said that Henry has a lot of demons in him and he has a lot to contend with. He said that he should confront his demons in rehab. He said that he's a killer and he has to contend with that. Henry said that just because he's killed people doesn't make him a killer. Howard said that he's committed a lot of sins and he has to deal with that stuff.
Artie was doing his impression of Henry's laugh and quoting some stuff from the movie ''Goodfellas.'' He also asked Henry about the big game and who he thinks is going to win. Henry said that he thinks the Giants are going to take it.
Henry got in a plug for his mob art on eBay. He said that you can find his art there and his kid has some rap songs on SoundClick.com. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that they were probably preparing for this Victoria Zdrok interview. He said that has to be the worst last name ever. He had the guys bring her in after that. He said she claims that her body is still amazing even though she's had two kids. Howard had her sit down to show her belly when she sits to see if it looks bad. She said that she's been going to an Anti-aging doctor lately and he's helping her out with her diet.
Howard noticed that Victoria's lips were inflated so he asked if she's having injections. She said she's always done that. Howard noticed that her belly button was bigger now too. He asked her if her breasts were full because of the milk. She said that they are because her kid is just a year old. She breast fed her son until he was 4 years old. Howard said he finds that odd. He said that you don't keep doing what then they're that old.
Howard wanted to see Victoria's ass so he had her take off her pants. She did that and Howard said that it does still look good. He asked to see her boobs too. He asked if they were real or not. She said they were slightly enhanced. She said that the milk doesn't taste weird like Howard thought it must.
Howard said that he was getting turned off by this baby talk. Artie said that he was able to separate that stuff. He could still admire her without thinking about the kid. He said that those tits get to a man. He said that men like breasts and hers are very nice.
Richard came in and asked if she still has the huge clit that looks like a penis. She said that it only looks like that when she's aroused. She said you can see that over at PlanetVictoria.com.
Howard noticed a scar on Victoria from her C-section and said that it was a shame that she had that. She said that it will go away after some time. Howard asked her about her marriage and how that's going. She said it's going pretty good. Howard also asked her about the porno movies that she does. He said that she does some crazy stuff. Howard had her sit down with her clothes off since no one was interested in seeing her putting clothes back on. He said that she does look good.
Victoria kept telling the guys that they have to check out Dr. Giampapa's health clinic because he's the one keeping her looking so good. She said she doesn't work out or anything so Robin got upset with her about that. She said that she can't believe that she doesn't work out. Howard said that she's just lucky.
Howard said that Victoria is hot and fun but she asked to come in and ride the Sybian when she was pregnant. He said he didn't want to do that. She actually brought her own Sybian with her today. She said that she had a custom made Sybian with her own signature on it. She said that she's the only one in the world with one of them customized like that. She said that she has a day that she sets aside for using the machine on herself.
Howard said that she's got a book out (Dr. Z on Scoring: How to Pick Up, Seduce and Hook Up with Hot Women) and he was reading some stuff about that. She says that a woman needs 20 to 45 minutes to get worked up. She said that's why she says that guys have to start working on their women early. Howard said that Beth will just hop on top of him at any time and she doesn't seem to need any working up. Victoria said that she probably fantasizes about him all the time if that's how she's acting.
Howard told Victoria that she really looks good naked. He said he's not sure if she's mentally ill or something but she's hot. He said he doesn't get the doctor thing and what she's up to with that.
Howard said that Beth really doesn't need him to go down on her like Victoria odes. Victoria said that she really needs her husband to go down on her for 15 to 20 minutes so she'll have a really good orgasm. Artie said that if he's really into a chick he could go at it for a long time. Howard said he'd last for about 3 minutes tops.
Howard said that he had a whole rap with Beth about being with a chick but she'd have to be with that chick from The L Word (Shane). He said that he can't hold out a long time with her no matter what. He said that he's done real quick with her. Victoria told Howard that she has a chapter in her book about that. She said that you have to adjust your masturbation style. She also said that you have to identify the point of no return and adjust your sex life around that.
Howard asked Victoria about oral and what a woman needs to do there. She said that she has to use the hand, have a lot of saliva and find the coronal ridge. Artie didn't know what that was but Victoria didn't have an explanation for exactly what it was.
Robin suggested that she demonstrate on Artie. She said that she couldn't do that, she'd need something else to work on in the studio. She said she'd need something hard to work on and Artie said he was there. Robin said she had a banana with her if she wanted to demonstrate on that. She started to do that a short time later. She was throwing out a lot of plugs for web sites and stuff too. She wasn't using her teeth at all so she told Howard that's why she has the big lips. Howard asked her some questions about what she does with the balls while she's doing that. She was giving clinical terms for all of this stuff and the guys had to correct her about the taint. She had some other word for that but they just call it the taint.
Victoria ended up biting off some of the banana she was demonstrating on. She said that wasn't part of the oral, she was just hungry because she hadn't eaten yet.
Howard gave Victoria a plug for her book ''Dr. Z on Scoring: How to Pick Up, Seduce and Hook Up with Hot Women'' and said that she has some lists in the book about what's wrong to do during sex. She said that asking a woman if she's getting close to finishing is just wrong. Artie said he can't imagine caring about when a woman is going to cum. Victoria said that it's no wonder that no women are throwing themselves at him.
Howard asked Victoria how she keeps her sex life from getting monotonous. She said that she has stuff in her book about that and she likes to go out and have sex in public once in a while. She said you have to do stuff like that to keep it exciting. She said that she'll even go out and have sex on a train or plane. She also said that she'll go out and pick up chicks at clubs and bring them home but she hasn't done that in a couple of years.
Howard asked her if she's ever banged a guy in front of her husband. She said that they have that on a list of things to do but they haven't done it yet. She said that they have a guy in mind already and it's a friend of her husband's. Howard said he can't imagine a guy having another guy do his wife. She said that she's had the hots for this guy for a long time.
Artie said that he can't imagine even hearing his girl tell him that she's got the hots for some other guy. Victoria said that things get boring after a few years so that's why she has those feelings. Howard gave her a bunch of plugs for her web sites and her book. He read through some of the lists she had in her book about the types of people that won't be good in bed. She describes each type of person and what they're going to be like in bed.
Howard said he thinks that she knows what she's talking about. He said her book was making sense to him. It didn't hurt that she was sitting there naked in front of him. He asked her if she was going to ride the Sybian too. She said that's what she was waiting for him to ask her to do. Howard gave her some other plugs and said that she was going to be making an appearance at the Romantic Depot this week.
Victoria was throwing in plugs for all kinds of stuff including the Liberator. She said that they have some interesting attachments that you can use during sex.
Victoria stood up to move and her headphones fell off. Artie ended up laughing his ass off because he thought she looked so dorky when that happened. Howard had Gary go over to control the Sybian but he thought that she was going to control it herself. Howard made him wear his mask. At one point Victoria said that she had other men who were uglier work with her before. She didn't think he needed the mask but Howard made him wear it anyway.
Victoria got on the Sybian and started telling the guys what to do to a woman to get her off. She was getting into a lot of detail about when they should do certain things to their clit and things like that. Gary said that every woman is different though and you can't just stick to one plan. Howard said he was kind of liking that Victoria was telling them about this stuff and demonstrating it for them right there.
Howard thanked her for showing them all of this stuff. He wanted to schedule an appointment to come to her office so she could demonstrate it there too. He told her that they didn't have all fuckin' day for her to get off on that machine. He told her to get into it and finish. She got a little more comfortable and finally stopped talking for a minute. She concentrated on getting off instead of describing it all. She told Gary to leave the speed where it was because it was right for her. She said that it can get a woman off pretty fast because it's the right vibration and pressure.
Victoria started moaning faster and faster as she was finishing herself off. She finished a short time later and got some applause from the guys. She threw in some more plugs for her web site PlanetVictoria.com and her book. Howard went to break a short time later.
JJ said that he got Felicity on and then he wrote the pilot for Alias. Howard asked him if he ever got to bang Jennifer Garner. He said he was married at the time so that didn't happen.
JJ said that he ended up moving to L.A. from New York because it was cheaper to shoot out there than in New York. Howard asked him what kind of money a guy in Hollywood can make doing stuff like that. He said it seems like the writers don't make the kind of money you'd think they would. JJ said that it's tough to make that kind of money they used to make on syndication years ago.
JJ said that you don't make a lot of money on your first show, that's the toughest one to make money on. Howard wanted to know what kind of money he could make on a show like Felicity. He said it would be the minimum a writer could make. He said that you could make maybe 30,000 for every episode, which is 2 weeks long.
Robin asked JJ about the writer's strike and how that works for him. He said that he goes out and pickets in the morning sometimes and then goes in and directs the Star Trek movie. He said that it's very strange. He said that the writer's strike is a disaster right now because it's holding up so many projects. They've only been able to shoot 6 episodes of ''Lost'' for this new season.
Howard asked JJ about something he said on the show last time he asked if they were killing off Michele Rodriguez because she had gotten a DUI arrest. JJ said that they did kill her off but they didn't do it because of the DUI. They had other reasons. Howard said that the Asian guy on the show just got a DUI too so are they going to kill him off? JJ said that they don't kill off anyone because of a DUI. Howard said that maybe they should. JJ said that he hasn't had that much to do with Lost in the past couple of years anyway.
Howard said that JJ has another hit on his hands with this ''Cloverfield'' movie. He's just the producer on the movie. He said that he put together the team of people who wrote and directed it. Howard asked what kind of money he can make on that movie. He said that he gets a percentage of the take on the movie but it's a small percentage. He said that any studio or network can figure out a way to tell you that they didn't make any money. He said it's really hard to tell what they actually made in the end.
Howard asked JJ if he's going to go over budget with the Star Trek movie. He said that he tries to keep it under budget and he doesn't think that they'll go over. He's always conscious about that and he's always stuck to the budget. He directed Mission Impossible 3 so that led to Howard asking him if he went to Tom Cruise's wedding. JJ said he did and Tom flew him out to Italy for the wedding. Howard asked him some questions about Tom and his wacky comments lately but JJ had nothing but nice things to say about him.
Howard said that the guy who is playing Spock in the new Star Trek movie is the guy who plays Syler in the TV show Heroes. JJ said that he's great in that part too.
Howard said that Shatner is upset that JJ didn't put him in this movie. He played a clip of Shatner talking about that on the show when he called in recently. Shatner said that he didn't care but he did say some stuff about the movie that made it sound like he was upset. JJ said that he loves Shatner and he would put him in the movie if they had a story line there for him. They're going to have Leonard Nimoy in the movie though. JJ had an explanation for that and told the guys that he really would put Shatner in the movie if they had a place for him.
Howard read some stories about JJ and the deals he's made for movies and told him that it sounds like he's set for life. JJ said he was going to look up Howard's deal and talk about that too.
Howard took some calls and one guy asked if Tom Cruise ever tried to convert him to Scientology. Howard asked him to be honest about that. JJ said that he never tried to convert him, and he never tried to convert Tom to Judaism. He said that Tom is very intense about the things he does and that's why he loves his religion. He doesn't try to convert people though. Robin said that she doesn't believe that at all. JJ said that he's made fun of Tom for being as intense as he is but he's never tried to convert him.
Ralph called in and said that the new Lost got good again at the end of last season. He said that he loves it. Ralph said that he thinks that JJ needs to stick to one or two things and not get involved in so many things. JJ said that he loves doing all of this stuff so that's why he keeps doing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his wife ended up puking during the movie ''Cloverfield'' because of the way the camera moves. JJ said that he would advise anyone who is pregnant or on medication from going to see it because it's like an amateur film shoot and it's kind of shaky.
A caller told Howard to get JJ off the phone because saying that the writer's strike is a disaster is just wrong. He said that 9/11 was a disaster, the writer's strike isn't.
A woman called in and said that she didn't like ''Cloverfield'' because she didn't know any more coming out of the movie than she did going into it. JJ apologized to her, especially if she puked on herself. Howard wrapped up with JJ a short time later and let him go.
Robin said that he created two of the greatest shows on TV, Lost and Alias. Artie said that he got a call from JJ after he got the job there on the show. He just wanted to congratulate him on getting the job. Howard said he can't believe that JJ doesn't put him in something. He figured that he must have seen his movie and saw how good he is at acting. He thinks that he should play the lead villain in the new Star Trek or maybe in Cloverfield. Artie said that he wants to go see why people are throwing up at the movie.
Howard said he's been getting a lot of mail about the merger and how it might be approved today. He said that it was just a rumor so the stock went up. Then he heard about how the rumor comes around every couple of weeks. He said that they have to come through with a decision eventually and it's inevitable that it's going to be approved. He said there's no way that they can say that this is a monopoly.
Howard said that he does get excited when he thinks about the merger going through. He said that it would mean that there would be 16 million listeners on satellite radio that he could get to.
Howard played a new prank call that Sal and Richard did to a pizza place. Sal called first and asked for a pizza with everything and then told the guy to hold everything. Then Richard called in and ordered a meatball parm sandwich and told him to hold the meatballs. They both called and ordered some ziti and told the guy to hold the ziti.
Howard played a voice mail they got from Wendy the Retard about getting a new xBox. She has the first xBox but she wants the new xBox 360 now. She said that she knows she can't ask for money anymore but she would like to get an xBox instead. She said that she really wants it and wondered if they could send her one or send her the money for one.
Howard said that she leaves messages for them every day. Robin said that she probably hasn't even mastered the old one yet and now she wants a new one. Artie said that Jeff the Drunk has been rearing his ugly head again. He said that he showed up to his Syracuse show and he gave him a few bucks for coming out and showing his ass. He said that Jeff was asking him to talk to him back stage and he ended up asking if he could be a permanent fixture at his shows. He said that he's in negotiations to do that with him but he's going to negotiate with him on the air.
Howard said he's not sending Wendy any more money and she's not getting an xBox. He said he told her not to ask for anything else but then she calls right back and asks for more.
Another caller said that he got a new Stiletto 2 and he went to activate it and he was told that the merger had gone through already and they had a new radio coming out on February 19th. He said that the guy told him that it was definitely going through in February. The guy said that they told him that they have a better radio coming out that will be half the price.
Howard said that he thinks that someone is yanking this guy's chain. He said that they would have heard something about this if that was true. He told the guy that he thinks that someone has a screw loose and he's getting jerked around. The caller asked if he could get a tour but Howard told him he really can't do that. Gary asked him not to book more people.
The caller told Howard that his wife had some medical problems and he ended up going to Dr. Sarno to find out what was wrong and they found out that it was Lyme disease. He thanked him for pointing him in the right direction there. He said that it was thanks to Howard that they figured out what the problem was.
Howard said that he read that John Travolta was saying that he would give back all of his awards and nominations if he could have Heath Ledger back. Artie said that he hasn't won anything. Robin said that everyone in Hollywood is losing their mind.
Howard played a voice mail that someone left where he was singing a Baba Booey Buggy song. He had another song parody that a fan sent in about Robin's Muff before getting to Sylvester Stallone.
Howard said that he thinks that this is the best Rambo yet but Robin laughed at him when he said that. He said that the violence in the movie is very realistic and it makes you realize how bad real war is. He said that there is some really brutal stuff going on over in Burma and they show that stuff going on in the movie. Howard told Robin about how brutal the movie is and how he uses a .50 caliber anti-aircraft gun to shoot people and it's very graphic.
Robin said that she was going to call Sylvester ''Grandbo'' when he got on but she had second thoughts about that after hearing about how good the movie was. Howard told Sylvester that he did a good job with the movie and it's the best Rambo ever. Sylvester said that he agrees with him and it really was a good one. He said that the first one was new and fresh at the time. He said that there is a lot of skepticism in the air about this new one but he really thinks it worked.
Sylvester said that it took him a long time to write this movie. He said he was going to have him living in Arizona with a Mexican woman helping him out there and he'd have to go to Mexico to save a woman. He said that he figured that Rambo wouldn't live there anyway so that's when he changed it to this other story.
Howard asked Sylvester how his marriage is going. He said that he's doing great and he has his wife's face tattooed on his arm so he can't leave her. Howard said that there was one thing about this new movie that he didn't like. He said that when they were torturing the woman he saves, he figured that they were going to rip her top off or something. Sylvester said that the guy who captured her didn't like women so that's why he wouldn't do things like that.
Howard asked Sylvester about how he can stick to one woman when he's such a cocksman. he's been with some wacky women over the years. He pointed out that he was with Janice Dickinson and Brigitte Nielsen. Both of them have turned into some very wacky chicks. Howard said that he needs his help picking women. He said that Janice claimed that Sly used to inject her with juice. Sylvester said that the only thing he injected her with was his fist. He said that she's out of her mind and it's like she's driving with the brakes on.
Sylvester told Howard that he thinks that Brigitte Nielson was one of the least crazy chicks he was with. He said that Angie Everhart and Janice Dickinson were the crazy ones. Howard said that he dated Angie and she was very nice. Sylvester said he forgot about that. He said that she was very nice but there were some things that went on that were kind of odd about her.
Howard asked Sylvester if he ever misses going out and getting chicks like he did in the old days. Sylvester said that he loves his wife and he's kind of over that now. He said that after they talk he's going to be flying out and doing promotion in Europe for a couple of weeks but he won't be cheating on her. He told his wife to follow him, he doesn't care, because he's not going to cheat. He said that she thinks that he's going to cheat on her because he's done that in the past. He said that he screwed up 6 or 700 times over the years.
Sylvester said that one of the worst inventions ever was this TiVo because his wife will freeze frame stuff that she's seen him doing on TV interviews and stuff. Howard said that he has the same thing with Beth sometimes.
Sylvester said that he's had a lot of stuff come out about him in the past with people he's never met. He said that the stories that he sees must be being put out by certain celebrity's people. He said that he's not sure that the celebrities put it out themselves. He said that a lot of erroneous stuff comes out and no one is held accountable for it.
Howard asked Sylvester if he would sue over something like that. Sylvester said that he can't because it really has to cause you problems and you have to turn into a basket case before they'll award someone money.
Gary came in and wanted to ask Sylvester a question. Howard interrupted and thought he was going to ask about the Richard Gere story. That wasn't it but Howard went with that and asked Sylvester about how the rumor about Richard Gere and the gerbil story got started. Sylvester said that he didn't start the story but he played along with it for years because Gere thought that he was the one who started it. He said he would never start something like that.
Gary said the rumor he heard was one about Sylvester going into a trailer and getting oral while he had a wireless microphone on him. Sylvester said that he was doing the movie Demolition Man at the time and some guys on the set had set him up with about 30 blow up dolls. He said that he had to pop a bunch of them and he was talking to them as he was popping them. He said that they took the tape and made it sound like he was doing something with a real chick when it was just the blow up dolls.
Howard asked Sylvester about all of the roles that he turned down. He read that he turned down the Superman role. Sylvester said that he did go in for that but he was a little too short for it. Sylvester said when they told him that he asked why he couldn't just hover the whole movie and that was it. Howard said that Sylvester was also the first choice for the movie ''Beverly Hills Cop.'' Sylvester said that was true and he went back and rewrote the movie and it turned out to be something like Training Day instead of what it turned out to be.
Howard said that it has to hurt that he turned down Die Hard. Sylvester said that wasn't true. He said he did turn down Witness, Coming Home, Romancing the Stone and some others. Howard said he also turned own Face Off. That was true. Sylvester said he turned down Rules of Engagement too and he really could have used that one. He said it does hurt when he realizes that he turned down some of those movies.
The guys asked Sylvester why he thinks that Hollywood dislikes him so much. He told a story about going to the Oscars one time in a rented tux and how his tie broke right before they got to the event. He took the tie off and unbuttoned his shirt and showed up looking like a slob so he thinks that's just one thing that they've held against him over the years.
Howard told Sylvester that he's really done it with this new movie and his fans should go out and see it. Robin said that she's going to go out and see it of course. Sylvester said that Arnold Schwarzenegger went to see the movie and he used to be his biggest competition years ago. He said that he got a call from Arnold one night and they went over the movie together on the phone. He put his 15 year old daughter on the phone and she enjoyed it too. Howard said he's not blowing smoke up his ass and he really did like it.
Robin asked Sylvester how his art collection is coming along. He said that it's coming along very well, he just added a few more. Howard asked where his wife was. He said that she was in the other room probably wondering what the hell he's doing. He said that his mother is downstairs at his house, her spaceship just came in a short time ago.
Howard asked Sylvester about how many times a week he has sex. He told him it was like 7 times a week but his wife has to keep him at bay or it would be more. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go. He said he learned a lot during that call.
Howard said that Sylvester's line about being able to hover as Superman was funny. He wondered why they had to get a good looking guy to play the part of superman. He said that someone like Artie playing the part would be great. He said he'd produce something like that. Artie said that he'd have to fuck more if he was Superman. He said he's mad that the guy doesn't fuck more. He said he'd probably gamble more too if he were Superman.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was reading a story about the merger and found that there was a mention of the merger happening on February 19th but that story was from a year ago. He said he got all excited about it and had to call in with that. He said he doesn't know where the guy on the phone got his information.
Howard said that a whole year has gone by since the merger was announced and he doesn't understand that. He didn't get why that caller was saying that the 800 number was saying that they were merging either.
Howard said it was great to have Sylvester on the show again. He said that he loves that his mother is in the house with him now. He's not sure how he can handle that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker who was on the phone to play his game. Mike said that he had Heath confused with some other people just like Artie did. He had to think about who he was before he realized which guy he was. Howard said it really pisses him off that those God Hates Fags people are going to be protesting his funeral.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard told Mike that he thought that the fake story was that he never saw ''Brokeback Mountain.'' Mike got a laugh out of that. Howard and Fred picked story 1 as the fake one. Robin went with story 2 and Artie with 4. The actual fake story was number two.
Gary said that those girls have actually been booked to do the show twice in the past couple of months but they've backed out of doing it both times. He thinks that the people who run the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader thing don't want them on but other people do.
Howard said his uncle was one of the few Jewish cops out there but now times have changed and there are a lot more in there. Robin asked if there are gay cops out there. Howard said there has to be, it's not like the military. He asked the guys in the studio if there are any. One of the guys said that there definitely are.
Artie said that he had a story about a friend of his who was a cop. He said that he pulled over a chick one time who was driving drunk. He asked her what she does for a living and then told her that she had a choice, behind Curtain A was her walking to work for 6 months or behind curtain B was her ''taking care of the kids'' and she decided to take care of the kids.
Howard asked the guys if that was wrong. Of course they said it was wrong. Artie said that his buddy used to do stuff like that all the time. He's trying to get him on the show but it's tough. He said that he was a middle man for a bookie years ago, while he was a cop, and he knows that the line was being bugged at the time.
Gary told Artie to tell another story about that guy. He went into a story about going down to Atlantic City with that same guy. They were drinking in the car doing about 95 in a Chevy Chevette. The car was shaking and they were mixing drinks and doing lines of blow off the dashboard and things like that. They got pulled over like 80 times but he got them out of it ever time. The cop wouldn't even get to the car before his buddy would show his badge and get rid of them.
Artie said that they got down to Atlantic City and blew all of the money they had. They got a hotel in the outskirts of the city and he went into the room to take a shit. He heard his buddy talking to someone and he had this 19 year old whore with him. He said that he just did everything wrong. The chick was hot though. Artie said that he had just taken a shit but he went for it anyway and she blew him and he was done in seconds. He said that his buddy then took her and banged her for like 2 hours.
Artie said that he went back later and then went to sleep. He said that the guy had thrown his rubber against the mirror in the room as they were going to sleep and his jizz was all over his wallet and shit so he had to throw it out.
Artie said his buddy was a cop for 12 years and then they busted him for having coke on him. He said that he used to be a hero of his but then all of that went down. He said that he got what he deserved. Robin said that keeping him as a friend is weird to her. Artie said he kept him as a friend because he got good coke.
Steve also said they have a story about Bob Levy being addicted to Xanax pills now. That led to Artie talking about how he almost wanted to do an intervention with Bob out in Vegas. He said that he liked Bob better when he was drinking. He's addicted to the Xanax now and he thinks that he's going down the wrong road now. One day he ran out of the pills and it was like Armageddon.
Shuli came in and said that he was out of town with Levy when he ran out of the pills. He said that Bob had a breakdown and started going nuts without them. He said that when Bob was drinking he never had to ask people for pills or anything. He wouldn't even drink during the week, he was only drinking on the weekends.
The guys talked about how bad the withdrawals can be on that Xanax. Artie said that it's apparently worse than heroin withdrawals. He said that the withdrawals could kill him on that stuff. Shuli thinks that Bob has to go into rehab now to get off of this stuff. Fred threw in Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab'' song as they were wrapping up on that.
Steve said that Joey Boots is trying to get back on Superfan Roundtable but he's making a lot of demands. They'll have more on that later today.
Jon Hein came in and gave his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Sylvester Stallone's call, Dr. Victoria Zdrok, Eric the Midget, JJ Abrams and much much more.
Howard had Mutt on the phone to give a preview of what they had coming up on Superfan Roundtable. Mutt said they have Levy on the show tonight and they'll talk about the Vegas shows and what the fans think about those. They'll also talk about the merger and if they would go to Vegas to celebrate that. They'll also be talking about Jackie and if the fans think he should be more a part of the show. Howard thanked him for that and had Robin start her news.
Robin got into her news and talked about Tony Romo blaming Jessica Simpson for his bad season. She also read a story about how video games are making more money than even movies do these days. That led to the guys talking about how video games are a lot of wasted time. Artie said that Teddy is a guy who plays way too much. He plays on flights and just plays for hours and hours. Artie thinks that it's for dopes and the lack of intelligence is what pushes them to do that stuff.
Gary said that his son Jackson plays games against Scott DePace and he's only 13 years old. Scott was in to defend himself against all of that stuff and he really doesn't think that it's that big of a waste of time. Artie said that he spends his time writing and doing more productive things than playing games. Howard kicked everyone out and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin talked about how Denise Richards is going to be able to use her kids in a reality TV show thanks to a judge who took her side in the case. Charlie Sheen was trying to keep her from having the kids on the show but now she's going to be able to do it.
Robin read story about Britney Spears failing to show up for another hearing about her kids. She bolted from the courthouse after going in and turning around. Howard said that he thinks that she'd be a firecracker in bed. He loves that she runs around without any panties on all the time. That led to Fred playing some ''dropping loads'' clips as they were talking about that.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy wasn't making much sense so he hung up on him. Another guy said that he was out at a party recently for a terrestrial radio station and they were telling him that they think that if the merger goes through, SIRIUS is going to end up going bankrupt and closing it's doors. Howard said that they're just saying that because they're afraid of them being successful.
Howard said that he saw that Dee Snider opened up the stock market yesterday and he must be lucky because the stock market jumped yesterday. He figured that they must be playing Twisted Sister music over there today hoping that will bring them more luck.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read through one more story but then Howard took another call. The caller asked about the McRib sandwich that Artie was talking about recently. He said he went to get one and they didn't have it. Artie said that it's a special promotion and not all of them carry it, and maybe the promotion is over now. The guy also requested to hear some old Baba Booey song parodies before Howard let him go.
Robin had a story about something that she ended an audio clip for but Howard wasn't able to find it. He asked Scott to come in and explain it to him. Artie showed Howard a picture of the chick who played Juno in that movie ''Juno'' and thought that she was smoking hot. Howard said that she'd cute but not hot. He told Artie he has to calm down, he's not getting laid enough or something.
Scott added the clips to Howard's computer a short time later so he was able to play this clip where the principal of a school's wife called a student who had called their house and she went off on the kid and yelled at him. The clip ended up on the internet and now he regrets doing that because it's blown up into a big thing.
Robin talked about the stock market come back for a short time. She also talked about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama's debate and the stuff they've been going back and forth on. She talked about Rudy Giuliani's run as well.
Robin said that Heath Ledger is probably going to be flown back to Australia for his funeral but that's not going to stop the God Hates Fags people. She had some tape of this guy Reverend Phelps talking about why Heath is in hell for doing the Brokeback Mountain movie. He said that nothing about him is relevant or useful to anyone. Howard said that's really mean to say about someone who just died. They spent a few more minutes on that subject and talked more about Heath's death as well.
During the news Artie mentioned that he's going to be going over to Amsterdam for Jason's bachelor party. He said that he's not sure if he's going to die over there because he's heard that the heroin over there is really good. He said that he's been told that he has to try it over there. He said that he's going to check out the whores over there though. He said he'll try the weed even though he's not a big weed guy. He said he wants to go over there to celebrate his friend Jason's engagement. He said he thinks that he could do heroin just one night over there. Howard said that he shouldn't even talk like that. They spent a few minutes trying to talk Artie out of doing anything like that.
Robin got back to her news and read a bunch of quick stories. She had one about a cat that was born with 5 legs so that led to Fred playing some ''I love your pussy'' clips from the Amy Fisher sex tape. Robin wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said that it seems like Sylvester doesn't care about pissing anyone off anymore. Jon said that maybe this Rambo movie is going to live up expectations. Gary said that he sounds so much like a parody of himself that it sounds like they hired a phony.
Artie said that they have to get George Takei in there and tell him that they're going to have a phony guest on the show and have him insulting the guest as if he thinks that the guest isn't really that person. He said it would be great to turn him on the real Arnold Schwarzenegger and have him calling him names saying he's not going to be fooled again.
The guys spent a short time talking about Arnold before Jon switched gears to Artie. He asked Artie if he's going to be going to Amsterdam for real. Artie said that Teddy is probably going to screw it up and not book his flight right. He said that he is worried about himself going over there. He said that he's probably just going to stay in the hotel with whores and drugs for 5 days and not even think about a bachelor party. He said he heard that the heroin is really good over there so he may have to try it.
Gary told Artie that he should just try the weed over there and skip the heroin. He said that he's been there twice himself and it's insane when you go there and see a 75 year old whore sitting in a window in the red light district. He said it's crazy. He said that the blue light district is chicks with dicks so he told him to stay away from that.
Artie asked why they don't move the show to Amsterdam and do it there. Gary said that the number 1 mode of transportation is the bicycle too so that's kind of crazy. Jason said that he, Steve the intern, Jim McClure, Teddy and a few other guys are going to be going over there for his bachelor party. He said that Brian Phelan wants to go but he didn't even invite him at first because he's married.
Gary was talking to Jason about the trip and he told him that he didn't think that too many married guys were going to be going. He said that Jason told him to tell his wife that Artie is going and that should help. Gary said that wasn't going to work telling her that.
Jason said that he wanted to go to Amsterdam for a long time and this is a good excuse to go. He said that they're going to go see the Black Crows over there. Artie said that he's not going to see them, he's going to go see the black whores. He said he hates the Black Crows anyway. He said that Chris Robinson gave him an attitude when he made a comment about his wife Kate Hudson's ass looking nice. He said that Chris told him to enjoy the show from the cheap seats.
Artie had to get going a short time later. Jon asked him where he was going to be tonight. He's at Gotham comedy club tonight and they added a few more seats. He had to run out right after that.
Jon went to the phones and one guy said that the one day heroin thing doesn't work, he's been down that road himself. He was also asking if they think that Angie Everhart is so crazy that her comments about Howard being the best sex she ever had meant nothing now. they said that doesn't make much sense. They said that her enjoying Howard has nothing to do with her being crazy, and Sly never said she was crazy, she just wasn't as ''normal'' as Briggite Nielson.
The caller was also asking about Beth O and if they think that she would be as much of a celebrity now if she wasn't with Howard. The guys said that she was just starting out in her modeling career back when Howard met her and she's not just with him for that. The caller was saying that he thinks that she does whatever Howard tells her to do and that's why she's where she is now.
The guy on the phone wanted to compare Howard with Imus. He said that they both left their families and they both got hot chicks and their significant others are both pushing stuff on the air. Gary said that Beth just works when she feels like it and doesn't want to work as much as she used to. She's not using Howard to get work.
The caller was trying to figure out what's really going on there. He said he doesn't want Howard to leave radio and he thinks that people are going to turn their backs on him if he does leave. Gary said that he doesn't get what he's talking about, he said that there are plenty of people who want to work with him now. The caller said that he's going to lose his power if he leaves. Gary said that he's got a huge name recognition now and that's not going to go away.
Jon played a clip of Sylvester Stallone talking about Brigitte Nielsen and how she really wasn't the craziest of the chicks he dated. He said that she was the most normal. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that and about some of the roles that Sly turned down over the years. Gary said that he turned down the role that Bruce Willis had in Pulp Fiction too, they never got to that one. He was very open to everything they asked him about though.
Gary said that Sylvester's mother was a great guest on the show over the years. He said that she was once on with a guy who read people's asses and predicted their future. She had another guy who read her dog's shit according to Benjy.
Gary and Jon talked about how smart Sly is. They figured that he has to be pretty smart to write movies himself and make them hits.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the heroin in Amsterdam isn't legal. That led to Benjy saying that he didn't think that the whores were legal either but Gary said he's been there twice now and he knows that it is legal. They talked about how some of the whores outside of Amsterdam aren't legal and they're kind of dangerous. The caller said that the street drugs are where they get you over there. Gary said that Dave Grohl once warned him not to eat the space cakes over there. He said that they're unpredictable because the stuff gets mixed in weird ways.
Jon took a call from Jeff the Drunk who answered a question Gary had about one of Stallone's movies. That was the only reason he called in but Gary said he wanted to ask him about something else. Jon told him to call back.
The caller also pointed out that he'd like to have Artie down to do some skeet shooting at his club. Gary said that he'd like to make sure that Artie hasn't done any heroin before doing that because guns and heroin don't mix.
Jon took another call from a guy who thinks that Artie is on some kind of mission to do something crazy. He thinks that Artie is going to go to Amsterdam just to die. Gary said that he understands the concern because some people do over do it when they've been off of drugs for a while and go back to it. He said that Artie is such a talent that it's a shame that he's heading down that road.
Gary said that Artie said something yesterday about how he has to battle boredom every day. He said that's what he blames his drinking and gambling on. Teddy said he doesn't think that Artie is going to die over in Amsterdam. He said he'll keep an eye on him and he thinks that this will actually be good for him. He said that he tries to get Artie to do stuff but he's always saying that it's boring and gay. Jon said he thinks that he misses having a woman like Dana in his life too.
Ralph said that Eric reminds him of the Bubble Boy episode of Seinfeld because that kid was so obnoxious but they felt they had to like him and feel bad for him.
A caller asked Gary that she's on the verge of giving up on the show because of Artie. She said that she lost a father to drug abuse and she thinks that since he joined the show that it's almost a daily occurrence to talk about his heroin addiction. She said that it brings back memories for her because it's almost like they're condoning drug abuse.
Gary said that they don't condone it and Artie is just talking about how hard it is to struggle with the drug abuse. The woman said that she thinks that Artie is glorifying the drug use and there are kids listening who might hear it and want to do it. Ralph said that Artie is a walking poster for not doing drugs. He said that's another way she could look at it.
Gary said he doubts that there are any kids who are going to try drugs because of Artie. The caller said that she wasn't trying to be a smart ass but she knows that Gary wouldn't want to hear someone talking about dying of AIDS every day. Gary said that they give everyone their opinion on the show and he even books that God Hates Fag woman on the show.
Teddy said that they hear from people who tell Artie that they got off of drugs thanks to Artie. Gary said that Artie's heroin stories always end bad like him ending up in jail or something. Benjy said that the stories are funny though.
Gary said that Howard still bashes celebrities on the show. He said that he does run into some people when he's out and that has kind of mellowed him a bit. Ralph agreed about that and said that the Howard from 10 years ago would be yelling at the Howard of today. He said that he used to say that Paul McCartney looked like a woman but now he kisses his ass. Gary said he doesn't remember him saying he looked like a woman and he really likes the guy.
Ralph said that Howard is actually a nice guy when he meets people and he will back off if he sees them in person. He said it was different when he was in his basement hiding every day. Gary said that the Howard of 15 years ago probably wouldn't hang with Kelly Ripa or Rosie O'Donnell but now he's mellowed a bit. They had to go to a break a short time later.
The guys talked about some of the other stuff that was going on there with her. They talked about her 5 o'clock shadow on her crotch. Sal said that all turns him on. He said that he liked the scar, the floppy tits and the 5 o'clock shadow. Benjy thought she was really cool and she was still hot looking. He doesn't like fake boobs but her's looked good.
The guys were talking about how she was eating the banana that Robin had given to her. She was chewing and swallowing while talking about all of that sexual stuff. Jon played a clip where she got up and her headphones fell off. That led to Artie laughing his ass off.
The guys got some laughs out of that again when they heard the clip. Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard hasn't given up on goofing on celebrities, he did call Rachel Hunter a cunt after all. Syrus called in and said that he always sees Mike Gange more in the shots on Howard TV than he sees Gary. He thinks that they frame the shot to show Gary and they don't need to. Gary said that's because DePace is a terrible director and he could cut him out of those shots.
Gary said that he reads a lot of different stuff about what women want and every one of them is different. Sal said that you shouldn't care about what the woman wants. He said that as long as you can slide in and out and blow a load on a woman, they're fine. He said that all they care about is having money.
Ralph said that Sal isn't like everyone else. There are men who like to get women off. Sal said that women all pretend to like it either way so it doesn't matter what they want. He said that he thinks that they will just go along with whatever is happening at the moment they're in. He said that guys should just fuck the girls and get out. He said that he cares but not that much. He said that women don't have an answer and that's why this world is in such turmoil.
Gary said that he loves hearing that from Sal because this is the man who can't walk into his own house without taking his shoes off. He asked Sal if he works to please his wife at all or if he's just doing it for himself. Sal said that his wife comes first and then he just finishes off, wipes himself off and goes to sleep. He said that he does take care of his wife but he doesn't believe in that fast/slow crap. He said that he's been with his wife since 1989 so Ralph told him that he's just miserable because he hasn't been with a lot of other women. Sal said that every woman can be a whore if they want to, it all depends on timing and alcohol.
A caller told Gary he should have told that Sunny chick to get the hell out of the studio yesterday when he was insulted. Gary said that it's not his job to do that so that's why he didn't.
Gary said that if Tom was Jewish and doing the same thing there would be a big backlash if people were goofing on him about it. They talked about some of the projects that JJ gets involved with and kind of leaves behind eventually. He's left behind Lost and some tother stuff.
A caller said that they should have asked JJ why he didn't do DS9 for the next Star Trek movie. Ralph said that's because Deep Space 9 was the shittiest of them all. He said that they're going back in the past in this new one and that's what's great about it. He said that he's looking forward to it. Gary said that he's never seen the Star Trek movies. Ralph said he should see the even numbered ones because they're the only good ones. Ralph said that the sixth one was one of the best but Jon disagreed with that.
Jon took another call from a guy who goofed on Ralph about defending Tom Cruise. He really go anywhere with his comments so Jon hung up on him. Another guy said that the movie Cloverfield was really good and it was a very cool concept. He said that he did get sick seeing it from the motion though. Gary asked how the guy's battery would last so long to record the movie as long as he did. Ralph said he asked Sam Simon about that last night and he thought the whole thing was a ridiculous concept. Jon said that the guy did run into a store to get a new battery at one point in the movie. They spent a minute on that before they ended the show.
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Howard started off the show talking about how he wanted to go home already. He said he was pissed off this morning and said that he's too busy. He has people taping things for him and not getting them to him. He had some faxes to bring with him but he forgot them somehow. He said he had too many things going on. He wanted to bring in a bunch of Entertainment Tonight clips to play but he doesn't have the tape because they didn't end up there.
Robin said that she thought he had people helping him out. He said he does but he's still got problems. Gary came in to talk about that stuff and that led to Howard talking about the tantrum he threw during the commercial break (that was edited out). He blamed that on Tom Chiusano because he has to work for him.
Howard ended up goofing on Gary about something to him he didn't like. He thought that Gary was going to come in with some good ratings information but he had nothing for him. Gary said they do have a naked woman coming in later on.
Howard said he tried to talk to Tom yesterday but he had trouble tracking him down. He said if you're going to do something, you have to do it right. He said that they have this bookmobile that they're going to be driving around the city to sell his book and they could just get this sticker to stick on it but they won't do things the easy way there. He said that's not even what he's upset about. He said that Robin doesn't want to know what it is that he's upset about, it doesn't matter.
Howard said that the book is a good gift if you want to give someone something king of inexpensive. He said that the book is on the New York Times best seller list and he thought that it was number 1. He said he was told that Colin Powell is going to be number 1 this week even though he's outselling that book 500-1 in every book chain. Then the NY Times decided on their own to make him number 2. He said that Judith Reagan told him about what was going on and he wanted to read the fax but that's one of the things that he forgot. Gary said that he called Judith and she said she had faxed that over last night so she didn't have it with her this morning. The fax was at the office. Howard told Gary to get her back on the phone so he can talk to her on the air.
Howard got Judith on the phone and asked her what's going on with the book. Judith said that they have very detailed reports about the book sales and they believe that Howard has outsold Colin Powell's book by a very large margin, like 15,000 to 2,000 in one book chain alone. She said that the big chain stores are the ones who are polled usually and she's thinking that this might be some kind of fraud and they're only polling the little book stores that don't sell much of anything. She said that this isn't even close and she's shocked that they're doing something like this.
Judith said that the other papers that are reporting are more accurate and they're giving Howard the number 1 spot. Howard said that he is number 1 on the list but the NY Times is giving that spot to Colin Powell because he's their man and they like the guy. Howard said he was reading about how the NY Times likes Bill Clinton so they're leaving out some stories about things going on with his administration too.
Judith said that this is like a culture war and they don't want his book to be number 1. She said that the country is falling apart right now and it's an act of immorality for them to pull something like this. She said that she was shocked that they gave Howard's book a good review though. Robin said that it wasn't in the book section though, it was in another section.
Howard said that he wants to get some sex from Judith but she won't give it to him and she's really boring because of that. He said that he's exhausted from all of this stuff and he doesn't get laid. He said that he could have gotten laid by the best of them out in L.A. when he was out there.
Judith thought that Howard wasn't even touching the lesbian he was sitting next to on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. She said that he was very uncomfortable sitting there and she thinks that if he writes another book, he should call it ''All Talk, No Action'' because he looked like he was afraid of that girl. Howard said that she doesn't know what went on there, they cut out most of what he did on that show.
Howard couldn't believe what the NY Times was doing and asked Judith what he can do about it. She didn't know what to do, it's a controversy and she has no idea what to do to fix it. Howard said that all of the other big papers are listing him as number 1 and only the NY Times is showing him number 2. Robin said that a book chain did this to him one time too and now the NY Times is changing history by playing around with their list.
Howard said that it was way too hot in the studio and changed subjects in the middle of Robin trying to help him out. Howard thanked Judith for sharing that information with them. She was going to wrap up with her but she talked about some of the food he was trying to feed her at his house. Howard said that he had some salad and cabbage and things like that. He said that he has his house organized and he has his salad all set up in the refrigerator. He has his housekeeper cut up everything for him and then he throws it into a bowl. He told Robin about the food he eats and how Judith gobbled it down like she was going to the electric chair.
Howard told Judith that he wanted to give her some protein of his own to drink. She didn't seem to get the joke at first but it came to her eventually. Howard let her go a short time later. He said that she was no help this morning though. Robin said that the only way to fight this is to give them some negative publicity on the air. Howard said that maybe some other newspaper yentas can pick up on the story and report it for him.
Howard said that last night they did a report about this Taxi Cab show where people reveal their secrets. He said that they showed some shots of that on Entertainment Tonight where two women were kissing. He said that was at 7:30 at night and it was no big deal. He put the word out to Jay Leno that it's okay to let two women kiss, especially at 11:30 at night. He said that Jay is the one who edited all of that stuff out of his show last night, not NBC. He complained about that and said that Leno is a big baby and he made it seem like he was doing something wrong when he was on. He said that he's a big hypocrite.
Howard said that his book is number 1 and it's virtually impossible that he's number 2 on that NY Times bestseller list. He said that they seem to be trying to embarrass him and change reality. He said that it really hurts him and he can't believe they're doing this. He said his book is the fastest selling book in history and they're trying to humiliate him.
Howard said that Bill Gates didn't do anything innovative. He just borrowed the look and feel of an Apple and stuck it on a DOS machine. He complained about that for a short time and then got back to his book not being number 1 on the NY Times list.
Howard said he had his new laptop with him this morning. He said it was a 760CD and he had a 12.5 inch screen on it. He said that it was nice and clear and looked great. He showed it off to Jackie and said that Jackie wanted to get one himself. He said that he's got 40 megs of ram, 1.2 gigabyte hard drive and it's really fast, it's got a Pentium in there. Robin wanted to know if it booted up fast. He said it does. He's got a 28.8 modem in there too. He assured Robin that it was really fast. He said that he's able to put it into hibernation by hitting just one button. Robin liked that idea.
Howard told her that she could get a dual boot and get both Windows and O/S 2 on a computer if she wanted. He said that he's not able to get into Prodigy with this new O/S 2 because they don't have the right software. He said that with the 28.8 modem he just can't get into the service. He said he's not sure what that's about but it appears that they just can't handle the new modems. He said he was calling a guy from Prodigy and he had to give up on it because he can't get in.
Howard said he had to take a break but he'd get to some phone calls and stuff after that. He said he had a lot of other things to talk about as well. He had some tapes to play and then he'd strangle Fred. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said that the final answer is that he can't do this anywhere else and he's going to have to stick to the 3 hour limit. He said that he was going to ask the audience what he should do but he's going to get different answers from all of them. He said it seems kind of stupid to go for just 3 hours though. He said that he's going to have to get up early to drive down there and it's really turning into a big thing that he didn't think it was going to be.
Howard said he's still thinking about canceling the whole thing because it's going to be a nightmare. He said that the last time he was down there they kicked him out after 2 and a half hours so there's no point in going if he's going to be out in 3 hours this time. He said he's going to think about it and possibly cancel. He didn't want the fans to blame him though, it's the book store that won't let him stay as long as he needs to.
Howard said he was thinking of putting his autograph on his E! show and just have people print it in their own books.
Howard read a note he got from someone who reminded him that Jay Leno once ruined a funny bit with the cast of Cheers on his show when they had a little too much to drink. He said that's right, Jay did ruin that whole thing.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that this is ridiculous that they're doing this to him down in Philly. Howard said that there is no one to blame there, they're not trying to punish him or anything. The caller suggested he do a signing out at a place in New Jersey in the suburbs. Howard said he didn't know what to do, he just wants to give the Philly fans what they want.
Howard said that the last Philly appearance was a nightmare and he got taken out by the cops who shut down the whole thing that day. Howard said that the fans in L.A. were very happy that he stuck around for the full 10 hours he was there. He said that he wants to make sure that everyone gets serviced because they aim to please.
Howard said that maybe they can turn the signing into a little event and get some bands down there to entertain the fans. Robin said that's just what they're trying to avoid at that book store though.
Howard said that everyone gets to meet everyone else down there and that's the great thing about these big gatherings. He talked about some of the other events that he held and how the fans really enjoyed it and there were even people selling stuff to other people in line.
The caller was telling Howard that he really enjoyed his book. They talked about the chapter about Michael Jackson and how odd that guy was. Howard was doing his impression of Jackson and goofing on him. He was making fun of the way he talks about the ''childwen'' and things like that.
The caller asked Howard about buying the rights to a book about Sam Kinison's life. Howard said that he did get the rights to the book but he thinks that there's going to be some resistance to making the movie because the people in Hollywood didn't really like him that much. He thinks that he could make a really great movie though.
Howard said that Jackie brought out this album called Sgt. Pecker and all of the operators who were taking the orders were upset about the name of it and now he can't sell them through the phone orders. He can only sell them through his web site. Jackie said that he's got a ton of these CDs to sell and they're all filling up his house. Jackie said he kept the name of the album because the first time he mentioned it, Fred laughed his ass off. Fred said that it really is a funny name.
Howard said that they have his bookmobile down in Philly today and he's not sure exactly what they're doing with it out there. He brought up the NY Times bestseller list again and talked about how crazy it is that they're not making him number 1 on the list even though he's outselling Colin Powell's book according to the research that the book company is doing.
Howard said that he knows that he's outselling Colin Powell because USA Today and other papers are reporting his book as the number 1 best selling book. He went off on the NY Times for a few minutes before taking some phone calls.
Howard got this guy Frank on the phone. Frank is the driver of his ''Miss America'' bookmobile. They have a big blanket on the bus that shows what it is but it kept blowing off. Frank said that they have it taped down now so it won't blow off. That led to Howard talking about how they could have had some temporary decals made for these busses but Tom Chiusano doesn't know how to do things the right way.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Frank about what he's seen out there so far. He said that some women have flashed him and they have had some people come in and sit down to read the book. He said that one of the women who came in to read the book was pretty good looking too. Howard wanted to see this bus and asked him to drive by and show them tomorrow. Frank said he would do that.
Howard had Frank put one Scores girl who was working with him at the bookmobile on the phone. She told Howard what she looks like and she gave him the rundown and told Howard what they're doing there trying to get some people to read his book. She said that people are looking through the book and they're handing out some stuff to the people who visit.
Another Scores Girl, Holly, got on the phone and told Howard that she was at one of his book signings and she's the blonde that was down there. Howard said he didn't know that she was in the Dutch Playboy magazine. She said that she's been getting some feedback about the book and stuff. Howard was talking to her about her looks and told her that he has to get laid.
Howard had Holly read some excerpts from his book but she wasn't all that great at reading so he asked Michelle to read some instead. She didn't have much of a delivery either. Howard gave up on that a short time later and got Frank back on the phone. He told him to start out down by the station tomorrow morning so they can check out the bookmobile. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that this guy Charles Grodin keeps bringing up his name on his show and it's just about every night now. He said that Grodin mentioned him while Geraldo was on the show and Geraldo wasn't really trying to defend him at all. He said that Geraldo is so lame. He said that Geraldo talks about how he goes on that show to promote his own show and doesn't do anything to defend him.
Howard said that he's pretty sure he's going to puke when he hears this clip of Geraldo. He said that he's been asking him to be on his show but he's not sure if he wants to do it. He said he might just pull the plug on that. He said that he had a great idea for the show but now he's thinking of pulling out and doing that on some other show.
Nancy the Dog Walker came in a short time later. Howard told her that she was kind of sexually harassing him now. She refused to sit down and wanted to come over and touch Howard. Gary said that she offered him some money if he'd talk good about her on the air. Howard said that she's looking good now because she fixed her hair. She said that she thought it was because she had more money.
Nancy asked if she could stay on the whole show today. Howard told her no. Gary said he talked to her about this before she came in and told her that they couldn't do that. Howard said that she looks really pretty with the new hair style. He said that she used to have this ''Jersey girl'' poofy hair style that wasn't good for her.
Nancy wanted to sit next to Howard and said that she wasn't going to get naked unless she could do that. Gary told her that she has to get naked, tell her story and then she'd go sit next to him. Nancy kept asking about sticking around through the whole show but Gary tried to get her on track and just tell the story. She wasn't really focusing on telling the story she had and kept asking other questions and offering the guys money to do stuff for her.
Howard said that he always thought that Nancy's body was good but this hair cut really changed her looks for the better. He said that the guy who did the sexual harassment thing must have been really bad. Nancy told Howard about how this guy was her boss and how the company is still in business and things are going very well for them even after she left. She said that the business is huge now and she still helps out once in a while.
Nancy asked if she could go to Letterman with him. Howard said she can't go with him and she's got to stop with these questions. He told her to take her pants off. Her stomach looked good to him. He said that she's got to just take her pants off but she kept talking and delaying the process. Gary told her that they have to be done with this whole thing as soon as possible so she's got to just do it.
Howard finally got Nancy naked and said that she rally doesn't look that bad. He had to throw out his food after she stuck her fingers in it though. He told Gary to toss it because she had just contaminated it. He kept asking her to just look at him and concentrate on what she was doing. Howard told her that she got what she wanted because she was sitting on his lap by that point. He said that she didn't feel so bad but she did have a little bit of belly fat on her. He said it was cute though.
Nancy said that she has no fat and told him that he's got love handles. Howard said he knows that, but at least he admits it.
Howard asked Nancy some questions about this sexual harassment thing that she was involved with. She said that she was working in a job where she was in an office environment. Howard tried to drag the story out of her but she was hesitating and not telling it so he was going to kick her out of the studio. Gary told her that he's about 2 seconds from throwing her out.
Howard told Nancy that she could touch him but she ended up touching him somewhere that she wasn't supposed to. Howard told her to go back and sit in her own chair. He said that he could tell that she was getting all sexed up because he could smell it on her.
Nancy said that this boss of hers was really mean to her and she never flirted with him or anything. He found out that she'd been on the Stern Show getting topless and stuff and that upset him. She said that he told people about her doing the show and these other people would ask her what it was like to be on the show. She said that she used to dress down a little bit working there and the guy would tell her that she was dressing kind of dowdy. She said that she once touched her butt while she was reading him a memo and that wasn't cool.
Nancy told Howard more details about this sexual harassment thing but Gary had to try and get her on track and telling the story. She said that he wanted to come down to see her at her apartment one day. She said that he pushed her against a wall and tried kissing her and she had to tell him to back off. Then she claims that he took his clothes off and she had to go to court and sue him over it. She said that he came on to her at work and that's why she had to do all of this.
Howard said that she's the worst story teller ever. Gary said that she told some great stories to him outside of the studio and he's not sure what went wrong here.
Howard took a call from Frank the Bookmobile driver who said that they were just chased away from the NY Times. They parked out there to goof on them about their false reporting of his book being number 2 on the bestseller list. Howard said he told him to go down there. Frank said that the security guards there all chased them away. Howard said that's because they don't want to be exposed for the phonies that they are. He said that he wants to know what their formula is for figuring out what's number 1.
Nancy asked if she could get into the Bookmobile too. Howard said that would be fine and he'd like her to go in there with the Scores girls. He told Frank to come back there and pick her up.
Nancy asked if she could pay him some money and stick around the rest of the show. Howard said that if she came up with 10 grand he'd do that. She said that she could pay him $500 and get naked whenever he wanted. Howard turned her down and got back to Frank. He told him to come down, pick up Nancy and drive as far away as possible.
Howard let Nancy come over and sit on his lap again. He wanted her to take her panties off and Gary pointed out that she's bald down there. Howard said that she looks like a baby and it's kind of cute. He laughed like a little kid when he was pointing that out. He said she looks like a Barbie doll. Fred said it looked like it had a 5 o'clock shadow.
Howard asked Nancy if she was sexually excited by him. She said that she always is. He said that she was slipping off his leg. He told her to go get dressed and get ready to get in the bookmobile. He told her that she really did look good today.
Gary said that she was being a really different person today. Last week he had a great conversation with her and today she just wasn't getting into the story. She then told the story about the guy taking his clothes off and ejaculating all over himself when he tried to come on to her. She said that's why she had to file the lawsuit against him. She claimed that the guy was married too.
Gary said that Nancy is looking for a book deal now. Fred played cuckoo sound effect for her when he heard that. She didn't seem to appreciate that. Howard told Nancy to go get dressed now and just get on the bookmobile. She was still talking about the guy who came on to her and how he was an ugly guy, that's why it was harassment according to Robin. If it was a good looking guy, she probably wouldn't have filed the suit. Nancy said that if Penny Crone, that ugly reporter, came on to Howard, he'd probably be upset while someone like Amy Lynn Baxter wouldn't cause a problem.
Howard said that the book store wants it to be from 10 to 1 and so do the cops and the other merchants in the area. He said that it hardly seems worth it to do such a short time. He also talked more about the NY Times list and how pissed off he is about that.
Howard took some phone calls and talked about the Philly book signing a little more. He said that he wouldn't limit him to 3 hours if he were that book store. He said that they could turn that into a lot of sales of food and other things if they wanted to. They could have food, drinks and more stuff outside the store to sell to people.
A woman called in and said that she thinks that they would open up early for him at the book store but Howard said that he wants to make it convenient for his fans. He said that he's ready to drop dead as it is though. He doesn't want to get up that early to go. He said that the fans shouldn't have to get up that early either.
Howard talked about some of the reports about the book signings he's done in the past and how the reporters are all very lazy about telling the stories. Howard talked about how wild those events can be and how the reporters just make it seem like it's no big deal.
Howard talked to the woman he had on the phone about the signing and figured that she wasn't much of a looker. She said that she actually is good looking even though she's close to his age. She said she hasn't hit the wall yet. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Scott actually did a good job out there but it is fun to goof on him. He said that he's a sad sack and he may not even see himself as one. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Scott impressions and goofing on the way he speaks. He said that even when things are going right for Scott, he still seems miserable. He said that Scott is always complaining about something, even when they set him up with his DJ business.
Howard said that they rarely get to see Scott outside of the show. He said that Fred, Jackie, Stuttering John, Scott the Engineer, Grillo and Kathy Tobin all went out to dinner after the Tonight Show. Howard and Robin said they both went back to their hotel rooms.
Howard said that everyone was out to dinner and Scott ordered a big porterhouse steak. Fred said that Scott kept saying that he had to go out to the humidor during the meal so Howard wondered what that was all about. Jackie said it was an excuse to get away from the table but no one knew it was a joke. Scott had to leave to go out and smoke since it's not legal to smoke inside restaurants out there.
Howard said that while they were at dinner Scott got his steak and Stuttering John told the waitress to hold on to Scott's food and tell him that she forgot the food. He wanted her to jerk Scott around to make him feel forgotten once again. The waitress did that and they ''forgot'' to bring out the meal. The waitress came back and asked Scott if he was ready to order after they brought out everyone else's food. Scott started getting irritated very quickly and he went around the table and figured out that there was something going on there.
Jackie said Scott was really pissed but then the waitress came out with his meal and he knew what was going on then. Scott said he knew before that but the guys didn't believe that was the case. Scott said that he hates when that happens and his food is the last to be brought out.
The guys were all goofing on Scott about all of that stuff. They were also talking about going out to breakfast with Robin one morning. Jackie said that he had steak and eggs for breakfast. Howard said that Jackie would never have a meal like that on his own, it was only because the station was paying for it that he did. They made fun of Jackie for the way he was eating like a pig out there.
Howard said that he wished he had been there for the torturing of Scott. Jackie told him that they'll do it again.
Richard said that both sides of his jaw were dislocated and that's why it was stuck open. He said that usually just one side will dislocate but he somehow did both sides at the same time. They knew that he had been drinking because this happens to people when they're drunk. Robin said that's because you stop feeling things if you get drunk enough.
Richard told Howard that they took some x-rays and then gave him and IV to knock him out and they popped the jaw back into place. He said the was there for like 14 hours. He said that they asked him if he would feel it if they just tried popping it back in. He said that he didn't have that much to drink, he could still feel things. He said his buddy was making drinks before that and they actually waited a while before bringing him to the hospital.
Robin said that it is possible for that to happen to him again so he has to be careful about that. Howard told him that maybe he should lay off of drinking for a while. Richard said he'll see what happens.
Howard had Robin get into her news a short time later. She read a story about Barbara Walters latest celebrity interview special. She had some clips from that show and had Howard playing them.
After a couple more stories Howard said that he was reading Robin's article in Playboy. He read through some of it on the air. That led to Jackie reading some of Robin's article doing his impression of Robin. He had some fun with that for a few minutes and laughed at some of what he was reading while he was doing it. Jackie was really getting into it and going nuts with the impression of Robin.
Fred had a request for Jackie to read certain parts of Robin's article and told him where to start. Jackie went nuts again with the impression and went way over the top with the voice. Howard wanted to move on with the news but Fred had another request for Jackie to read. Howard eventually put a stop to it and told Jackie that he just goes too long sometimes.
Robin got back into her news and read through a few more stories. She had one about Marcel Marso and that led to Howard doing his own version of ''man stuck in a box'' and other things that he does. He said that anyone can do mime and it's not a big deal. He said the guy made a living out of doing nothing. Howard played some clips of the guy talking and that got Fred doing his French accent and goofing on him a bit.
After taking a break Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read a story about a girl who was stabbed out on the street by someone wielding a needle. Fred threw in some of Jackie's laughs when she was reading those stories. She had one about a rapist and Fred threw in another one of Jackie's laughs.
Robin read a story about Jeffrey Dahmer and Fred threw in some more Jackie laughs while she was describing some of the torturing he did to his victims. She read through a few other stories and Fred threw those laughs into the discussion. She read a story about Roxie Roker dying over the weekend and got another Jackie laugh thrown into that story. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later. Howard said goodbye and ended the show around 9:55am (Master Tape Theatre time).