Howard started off the show asking Robin how her weekend was. She said it was fine, she's back to eating solid foods. She said that her first meal was vegetables that weren't pureed. She said she's lost 24 pounds on her diet so far. Artie said he went out and had a Wendy's triple over the weekend. Robin told him that he should go to the retreat that she went to over the weekend. There's not much up there, it's very modest but you're away from things. She said there were only four people there.
Robin said that she was in Dr. Roni's world this weekend and she actually left there crying because they were so good to her. She said that there was nothing missing from her house either.
Howard said he saw the movie ''1408'' too and that was pretty scary. He said that it was cool to see it but he could see why it didn't get that great of reviews.
Howard asked Artie what he did this weekend. Artie said he saw Dr. Keith Ablow on Friday. Howard cut him off and asked if he had gotten one of his special shaves because he looked so clean shaven. Artie said he did it himself. Howard also mentioned that one of the most popular shows on Howard TV right now is the one with Dr. Keith giving him and Beth their counseling.
Robin asked Artie how the Dr. Keith thing went. Artie said he was going to do it either in person or over the phone. Artie wanted to do it in person so he moved some stuff around and went to see Dr. Keith around 2 on Friday. He said that he had to move around some stuff with the new house he's buying. He met with a builder to ask him about the construction of his new house. Artie said that they tell him the place will be done by October 30th of this year. He said as long as it's done before next Memorial Day, he'll be fine with it. He's apparently in no rush.
The guys saw some pictures of the house under construction and Howard said it looks like it's going to be really nice. He said up on top there's an observatory. Robin said that part is going to be hot up there. Artie said he knows the air conditioning bill is going to be really high. Artie said that it was Doug Goodstein who took the pictures down there.
Howard asked Artie why he was posing next to his new house with a baseball bat. He said that Scott DePace showed up with his kid so he was going to teach him how to play baseball so that's why he had the glove. Howard asked about the water down there because it was all green. Artie said that's the Jersey Shore, it's always that color. Robin said it's never been blue down there, that's just what you get down there.
Howard didn't know that the house wasn't finished down there. Artie said that he told him that it was under construction. Howard liked that observatory thing so Artie said that he might put a pool table up there or something. He's not sure where he's going to put the media room in there yet.
Howard told Artie he might not want to be walking up the stairs to go in and play pool or something. Artie said that it's actually got an elevator in it. Howard said that's going to lead to Artie getting really lazy and turning into Jabba the Hutt or something.
Artie said that he's still thinking about where he's going to do certain things in the house. Howard told him he might want to make that observatory his office or something. Robin said he could make it his bedroom or something. Robin suggested he make it his bedroom. Howard said that would lead to people observing Artie while he's screwing broads.
Artie said he was hanging out there at the house and a bunch of hot chicks stopped there and docked on his pier. They told him that the guy that owns the property lets them dock there so he figured he's going to let them to do that too.
Artie said that he had dinner with Doug Goodstein, Scott DePace and their families. He said it was quite an experience. He said DePace's kids are at that age where they're all over the place. He said they couldn't even get into the restaurants they tried going to so they ended up at a Stewart's Root Beer place instead.
Artie got to his Dr. Ablow thing. He said that the guy is great and he ended up talking to him for about 2 hours and came close to crying. He said it actually got pretty heavy at points. He said the guy was very cool and made him feel very comfortable. Howard said he wished he had tape of that. He hopes that the guy taped him secretly.
Artie said that it's weird with guys like that because you tell a story about your father and he tells you what's wrong with it. He said he's supposed to see him again this Thursday so he's kind of in therapy with him. Artie said that Dr. Ablow told him that he was basically telling him that he had gone through hell in his life. Artie said that he felt good after that, it was like purging himself.
Artie said he's going to be talking to him before he flies out to do a gig on Thursday so that's a good thing. He's going to need it before that. He said Dr. Ablow gave him all of his phone numbers and told him to call him anytime he needs him. Howard said he doesn't even have that with his shrink. He said that he can call if he wants but he feels weird about that.
Howard said he went to a guy's house over the weekend and he had a bunch of hot chicks just laying around at his shore house. He said it's like they come with the house if you live near the water. He said his older daughter was staying with him and they decided to go to this party. There were about 300 people there so when he got there, he took one look, turned around and went home. He said he's not into that scene.
In the call we hear Doug Goodstein and Mike Gange on speaker with Andrea and she's telling them that her boyfriend just threw a bottle of lube at her. Doug came in and told Howard that Andrea couldn't stop talking about sex the whole time she was on the phone. Howard got back to the tape and Doug asks her to pretend she's having sex but then the guy starts banging her for real. Andrea yells out ''Owww!'' as the guy is plowing into her. Mike and Doug listen in as it's going on.
Howard said that Andrea was in the middle of a business meeting and this is what happens. She was moaning and making a lot of noise. Howard said he's never heard a woman complain that he's hurting them like Andrea was. He continued to play the tape where you can hear the two of them going at it with Andrea moaning. Howard said they actually cut the tape down a bit because it went on pretty long. He wondered where they live because it sounded like she was getting killed.
Andrea eventually finished up and got back on the line with Doug. Doug was joking around with her saying he thought she was lifting weights or something. He played more of the tape where Andrea was saying that her boyfriend leaves his penis inside of her for a minute because it hurts if he pulls it out. Mike asked her if the guy used a condom. Andrea said he didn't and she had gotten pregnant by him one other time. She said she's on birth control though. She had forgotten to take it the other day so Doug figured that it had screwed up her cycle. She said she just took her chances. He said that might be why she's had four abortions.
Doug said that Andrea's boyfriend is 18 and her sugar daddy is like 55. She's got guys all around her, her mother, a dog, her kid... all of that stuff going on. Artie said it sounds like she needs KC to manage all of that.
Doug said that they filmed Andrea doing her Guns and Girls shoot down in Florida and they caught her having sex in the room with the camera man. They were under the covers though. He said they'd have that tape shortly, it just got back from Florida.
Chris from Howard TV came in ad talked about what he saw going on there with Andrea. He said that he's basically filming sex now. He said that they went at it for about 30 minutes with two other guys in the room. Doug said that she's out of control. Chris said he's never seen people having sex in front of him so it was a little bit odd. Doug said that they're going to be doing the reality show with her very soon.
Doug said they'll see what the footage looks like and maybe put it in today's daily show. As they were talking about that the guys put the video on the monitors and showed Andrea and this 18 year old going at it. Howard said all he could see was Andrea's foot. Howard said that this is the kind of guy that Robin needs. They hadn't seen his face yet though.
Chris aid that Andrea and her boyfriend had sex within 10 minutes of them getting to her hotel room. He also said that they went at it about 10 times in two days too. Howard said that's because this guy is just 18. He said that she seems to be a nympho too because she was talking to Chris about banging him and also how she still wants KC. Doug said that she basically told them that the 18 year old isn't the only one she's sexually active with. The 18 year old apparently dropped out of college to be with her too. Howard said he had to go to break but spent some time talking about the lead singer from the Tokens who just passed away.
Howard said that Eric the Midget left a voice mail for him and he was cracking up in the middle of it so he didn't finish listening to it. Eric called and left a message where he demands 10 minutes of air time to explain things to the listeners. Eric said that he got a message that went way over the line. He said the guy wrote that he hopes that someone blows his brains out. Eric said that was way over the line and wondered if that person was a complete ''MR'' which no one could figure out.
Eric said that's the kind of shit that makes him regret ever being part of the show. Howard said that maybe he should get rid of his Myspace page instead. He gets that mail through his Myspace page. Howard said he doesn't need Eric clogging up his show with that stuff.
Howard said he's going to give Eric that 10 minutes he's demanding. He asked him what MR means. Eric said that it means Mental Retard and Howard was an example of one. Artie told him that he was an SH, which was Shit Head. Howard said he was a KOAM which was King of All Media. They had a few others like TF for Tiny Fuck which came from Artie. Eric was also throwing out a few more like FA for Fat Ass.
Howard told Eric that maybe he should get rid of his Myspace page. Eric said he's got 12,000 people on there and they're not all bad. He said he had a few other things he wanted to talk about as well. Howard said he didn't think he could take it. Eric said that he thinks that Howard has listeners who are sane and some who are insane. Howard said that he knows a guy who watches American Idol like he's insane. That guy also humps his bed.
Howard told Eric it might be funny to hear him ramble for 10 minutes but he wasn't sure he could take it. He said that he was going to let him go without interrupting him though so he told him to go ahead. That led to Eric getting his 10 minutes but Howard muted his voice so Eric couldn't hear them and talked over him. Howard said they'd just let him go. Eric was talking about what he wanted to talk about while Howard and the guys were talking over him.
Howard said he had some tape of Andrea shooting guns down in Florida over the weekend. Howard had Lisa G come in to do her Howard 100 News preview. He got back to Eric and told him to keep going. He had only gone 2 minutes so far. Eric said that he was done though so he didn't need the full 10 minutes. Artie told him he'd like to hear more about this stuff.
Howard let Eric go since he was done. Artie told him to make sure he listens to it on the replay. Artie said that he was a dumb fuck. Howard said he keeps telling Eric that he's going to get Wackos to deal with if he keeps doing the Myspace thing.
Howard took a call from John Boy who said he wanted to clear some stuff up himself and said some stuff that didn't make any sense so Howard hung up on him. Howard played the Darth Nihilus interview that he fell in love with last week. He also played the Gamorrean Guard interview clip that Gary Garver had gotten. That led to him playing a new prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy who was selling video games. They called up as the Gamorrean Guard and as Darth Nihilus trying to get some information out of the guy but he couldn't understand a word they were saying because they were covering up their mouths to muffle them.
Howard played a bunch of new Darth Nihilus song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man had put together. He threw those clips into a bunch of songs. Richard came in and said that the fans have been sending in the songs as well so he played a couple of those.
Lisa G got back to her Howard 100 News preview and said that they have a story about Scott Ferrall getting a good write up in the news. She wrapped up after that so Howard moved on to take some phone calls.
Howard said they had some video of Andrea shooting some stuff from the Howard TV guys. He had them play some of that as they watched and listened in. They showed the shot where she spun around and almost shot everyone.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said that the Eric call was the best. He wondered how long it was going to take before Eric called back and says he's never going to come on the show again. Howard said it shouldn't be too long.
Wheels also brought up the Miserable Men show and said that it was great last night. Artie said he was on for about a half hour on that show and tested out his new ISDN line from his apartment. He said it was a lot of fun doing that show.
Howard took a call from Daniel from The Bleeding Deacons who said that they filmed a new video for their latest song about Sal's marriage. The song is called ''143.'' Howard played the song and said that Sal hates it. Howard wanted to know who the emotional friend is in the video. Daniel said that it turns out to be Richard. He said that they found a Christine look-alike for the video.
Howard said that Gary finally got his revenge on Sal by writing and singing his own song parody about Sal. He played the song which was just a short one where he sings about Sal's marriage problems. Sal came in and said that he saw the Bleeding Deacons video and it's actually very good, he can't say anything bad about it. Sal went on to talk about how he went out to dinner with his wife over the weekend and had a good time. He said that he was trying to feed her a lot of alcohol so maybe he could get some action but that didn't work out. Howard figured that Sal was going to revert back to his old self soon.
Sal said he didn't want to go into specifics about his sex life but he said that things are getting better in the bedroom. He said that they actually did it during the week one time. Howard said that he was doing his work and getting his reward now. Sal talked about the stuff that he's had to do around the house now that he's agreed to help out. He cleaned out the fish tank after she asked him to do that. He just said ''okay'' as soon as she asked.
Howard told Sal he's glad that things are working out for him. He let him go but Daniel asked him how long he was sending stuff into the show before they hired him. Sal said it was 10 years. Daniel was wondering when he was going to become Sal's co-worker. He also got in a plug for their web site BleedingDeacons.com since they have that video available there.
Howard let Daniel go and took another call. The woman on the phone asked Howard to get Artie on the scale this morning. Artie said that he can't because it's too depressing and it'll ruin the rest of his day. Howard said that he could call Dr. Ablow after it if he needs to. The woman on the phone begged him to get on the scale but Artie wasn't going to do it. They said that maybe they could put a scale under his chair over there where he sits.
Artie said that he's turning 40 this year, in October, and that's getting to him as well. He said he feels 70. Howard said he thinks that Artie looks thinner and maybe he's only 280 pounds. Gary wondered what he'd think if he was 310. Artie said he'd probably kill himself. Artie refused to get on the scale and said that there's nothing they can say to get him on there.
Artie said he has to go to a wake today so he has to go home and get his fat guy suit. He was wearing sweat pants this morning. That led to the guys talking about the great food they have at wakes. Howard said that he was looking forward to the weigh in this morning. He said that Artie had promised to do that last week but they can't force him to get on the scale. Howard had to go to break a short time later. He mentioned that Darrell Hammond was going to be stopping by later on. He said he hates asking the guy to do his impressions but he does them so good that he wants to hear them. He went to commercial after that.
Gary came in and said that they got that guy together with someone he played with and he didn't remember him. It wasn't just the months of the year thing. Howard played another clip where they talked about how some other football players were in an Alzheimer's care facility. They brought the two guys into a room together to see if they remembered working together. They didn't. Howard said he hopes that he forgets who Fred is in 10 years. He made up the conversation that might happen between them.
Howard got back to the tape from 60 Minutes that he had been playing. They showed what a mess these guys become after getting their heads smashed in so much. They talk about how the families are wondering if the constant bashing of the heads is what caused their memory loss. In the clip they talk about one of the guys who always asks about his car getting fixed and keeps asking even after they tell him the car is fine. She was sitting in front of the guy while talking about it and the guy didn't remember.
Howard said that he bets that guy can still spell better than Bob Levy. Howard wished that he had taped that phone call. Artie said that he and Bob had a nice conversation and things are all good between them again. He said that Bob is going to do the gig with him in Pittsburgh and the one in Detroit.
Howard said he heard something about Jackie over the weekend. Gary knew what the story was and told Howard that there was this guy who took some pictures for Jackie and Jackie paid the guy in Jokeland mugs and other junk like that.
Howard said he saw some story about how there was some film out there of Hitler just hanging out with his buddies. The film had been kept in an attic until it was recently uncovered and sent to the Holocaust museum. They thought it was a pretty big deal. Howard read the article and said that he'd like to see it himself. He said that the film had never been viewed all these years. They found the film and had it checked out to make sure it was the real thing.
Howard said that the new Bruce Almighty movie flopped over the weekend. Artie said that someone is out a lot of money. It was one of the most expensive comedies ever made. He said that Steve Carrell is funny but he's no Jim Carrey. The movie made some money but it cost $175 million to make it. Howard said he'd kind of glad that this Angelina Jolie movie was a bit of a bomb too.
Sour said that he's working with his father trying to fix the porch there. He said he does some babysitting during the rest of the day. He keeps an eye on the neighbor's kids. Howard said he'd be afraid to hire someone like him. He asked him to get back into his Paul McCartney thing. Sour Shoes broke right into that stuff and Howard mentioned their giving him another special of his own on July 9th.
Howard hung up on Sour Shoes but Artie had just mentioned another Beatles song that he wanted to hear. They goofed on him a little bit and Fred did his impression of him introducing a song as he was playing the Beatles song that Artie had asked to hear. Howard said that this particular song, ''Norwegian Wood'' was the first one he ever slow danced to. He talked about how he was known as Shades of Blue back then because of the sunglasses he wore.
Artie talked about this guy he knew who had a nickname of Icky Sticky Apple Pie Ralph On Two which was quite a name. They usually just called him Icky. There was another friend of his who was known as Rube but that eventually became Tuesday. That went from Rube to Ruby Tuesday to just Tuesday. Artie said he had another one who was just known as Goof too.
Howard read a story about how some of the old stations he was on have gone from Free FM to music formats recently. He said that he wondered why K-Rock didn't just switch to oldies because they could make a killing if they did that.
Howard said that they have another person who thinks that she knows the secret password that Artie and his father had. He said the woman, who claims to be a witch, didn't want him to announce it on the air but he was going to do it. She said she got the words Rumplestilsken and or Oyster. Artie said no to both of them but also said that his mother and uncle guessed the word over the weekend. He said it may not be that well thought out.
Howard read through a list of the most popular shows on Howard TV and talked about that for a short time. Howard said he had Bobo on the line wanting to talk about David Lee Roth banging a lot of chicks. He picked up the phone anyway and let Bobo go on and on about this David Lee Roth thing. He said that DLR should have talked about the girls he banged when he was doing his radio show. Howard said that he's kind of right because he should have come clean with all of that kind of stuff on his show and maybe he would have gotten some ratings. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Roth and how he failed miserably when he replaced Howard at K-Rock.
Artie said that everyone thinks that Howard would be easy to replace because they even asked him to do a show. He turned that down and thought it was funny that they thought that he could replace Howard Stern. Howard said that was kind of insulting.
Howard and the guys talked about tall of the stuff they did for Roth over there when he was starting out. He hadn't even proven himself yet and they were giving him all kinds of stuff for the studio. They really just panicked over there. Howard said that Opie and Anthony have less ratings than David Lee Roth did and he wonders how they're still on the air. Artie and Fred said they must be able to sell advertising over there somehow. Howard said it's strange but he feels pretty good about the state of regular radio at this point. Fred said that it's back to where it was before Howard was involved.
Howard said that K-Rock is back to being that dinosaur that it used to be and they could really make a big change if they brought the oldies back to New York. He said they could hire Cousin Brucie back and do that whole thing. Artie said that if those people listened to the oldies station on SIRIUS though, they'd buy that instead because there are no commercials.
Howard said he's been listening to Coffee House on SIRIUS lately. He said he leaves it on the whole weekend. He also said that he had a friend staying with him over the weekend and she listens to Elvis 24 hours a day on SIRIUS. Howard said that she's a hard core fan and even went to see an Elvis impersonator and ended up on stage swooning over the impersonator.
Gary said that he listens to a lot of stations there on SIRIUS and the stuff they're playing on K-Rock is the same stuff they play on Lithium there at SIRIUS. He said that it's the same thing and they don't have any commercials there at SIRIUS. That led to Howard talking about the oldies thing again and ended up doing his impression of Cousin Brucie. Gary said that Brucie apparently has his studio window full of pictures of him with just about every celebrity he's ever met. Howard said they should tell him that's now allowed and make him take them all down.
Howard goofed on Brucie for a few minutes doing his impression of him. Then they got back to David Lee Roth and talked about all of the weird stuff that was going on with him at K-Rock when he started out there. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told some stories about all of the stuff they had to buy for Roth when he started up there. They had to buy plants for the halls and stuff like that. Then they fired him and just threw all of that shit out.
Howard said that Roth made a good deal there and might still be getting paid even though he's not working there. Howard said that a bunch of jocks from terrestrial radio have contacted them there. He said that they just had a couple of guys from Free FM up there the other day and they were talking about how great it would be to work there. Howard said that this whole satellite thing really seems like the future but he's not sure how it's all going to play out.
Howard said he was thinking about this merger thing and all of these things are competing against each other so he thinks that the satellite companies should be able to merge. He said that it's ridiculous that they want to make the two companies stay separate. He said if they don't merge, he's afraid that one of them is going to go bankrupt. He said that he has the feeling that it will be XM that fails if either of them do. He said it's just sad. He said they'll see what happens, maybe it will, maybe it won't.
Bobo wished Howard and the guys to have a good vacation and got off the line. Howard thanked him for calling in with the David Lee Roth banging a lot of chicks thing. He had to go to break but ended up talking about what he was going to do with Darrell Hammond when he came in. He went to break a short time later.
Gary said that she was a cut chick and she might be worth seeing naked. She's just a hot regular girl though. She's not fat or anything either. Howard put her on hold and said that Gary would set that up.
Howard asked Darrell what's going on with his love life. Darrell said that he wanted to answer that as a politician so he went into this long explanation that didn't say anything about it. Howard asked Darrell about what's going on with Saturday Night Live. He said that they go through talks every summer and he figures that will be starting up soon. He said that they haven't even really started talking yet. Howard told him that he's in the driver's seat because not everyone has a list of impersonations like Darrell does.
Howard ran down a few of the impressions he does and asked Darrell what new impressions he's working on. He said he does an Imus impression and did a little bit of that for him. Howard thought it was pretty good but he was speaking too clearly and needed to muffle it a bit. Artie talked about doing impressions for MAD TV and how he had to study tapes of the people he was doing the whole week.
Howard asked Darrell how he does his thing. He said he has to learn the impressions before he does them, he can't just do them. He did a little bit of his Pee Wee Herman impression and said that there are a lot of people he can't do because they're just not his thing. Howard said that when he does his Jesse Jackson impression is great because the way he does it is very funny.
Artie tried doing a little bit of his Jesse Jackson but he can only do about a sentence before he loses it. That led into Darrell doing his Jackson impression and made Artie crack up a bit. Artie said that might be his favorite impression ever. Hammond could do that all day according to Howard so that's why he's so good.
Howard said that Darrell doesn't do a bush impression and that's a hard one to do. Darrell said they have a guy over at SNL that does a good Bush.
Darrell told Howard about the many times he's broken his nose doing stupid things. He once had it broken by a baseball and then another time he fell when he was drunk and broke it on a door knob. Another time he fell down the stairs on his face. He was drunk those two times.
Howard read that Darrell apparently wears black all the time to memorialize his friend that died in 1991. Darrell wouldn't get into too many details about the whole thing but did say that this friend had killed himself. Howard said that everything is sad in his life. Howard told him that he should never get married again, he's been married to the same person a couple of times and that's just not good. He asked him how he made that move. Darrell said he's not sure how it happened.
Howard asked Darrell to do some of his impressions. Darrell did a bunch of them quickly. He did impressions like... Pee Wee Herman, Popeye, Porky Pig, Barney Fife and then kind of trailed off on the Barney. Howard asked him to do a few more seconds of that so Darrell did a little more of that. He had Howard rolling when he did it. He told him that he should have had Barney eating out Aunt Bee or something. He did his Aunt Bee impression for him and then Darrell remembered that Howard does a Lou Ferrigno impression so Howard went into that for a short time.
Howard brought up the SNL thing and asked him about what kind of money he'd be making. Artie said he thinks that Darrell could be making like $20,000 per episode or something like that. Howard asked him how many episodes they do every year. He said that they do 20 per year and it was an interesting question to ask. He asked Darrell if it's close to what Artie had estimated. Darrell wasn't talking about that stuff though.
Darrell did a little bit of his Ted Koppel impression and Artie was saying that he could probably make a ton of money doing corporate gigs. He could also make money doing voice overs but Darrell said that he never gets offers to do stuff like that.
Howard gave Darrell a plug for this play he's doing and Robin said that she knew of the play but didn't know that Darrell was in it. Howard said that he'd go see it and asked if he does any impressions in it. Darrell laughed and said he doesn't. He said he's playing the part of a whacked out principal in the play. The play is called ''The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee'' and Robin said she's heard it's really good.
Howard asked Darrell when he'll know when he's returning to SNL. Darrell said he doesn't know and didn't know a lot of answers to Howard's questions. Howard took some phone calls and let some fans talk to Darrell. One guy told him what a big fan he is. He also asked if he's got anything against MAD TV. That led to Artie saying that he's still getting checks from that show. He said they're only like $80 but they're still paying him.
Howard took a call from a guy who was doing a Bill Cosby impression. The guy wasn't all that great so Howard let him know that. The guy also did a bad Tom Brokaw so Howard hung up on him. Mark from Jersey City asked Darrell what his worst experience was with a guest. Darrell said that he had people like Paris Hilton looking at him as if it was painful for her to do so. He said he's not happy about her going to jail or anything but she did look at him like she had no idea who he was.
One caller asked Darrell to do his Clinton impression. He went into that for a few seconds but didn't do much material. Another caller said that the present cast of SNL seems to have a problem with the cue card reading these days. He said that the characters look in the opposite direction than they're supposed to be looking in. Darrell said he'd watch some tapes and get back to him.
Another caller told Howard that Darrell does a great Jay Leno. Hammond went right into that and Howard seemed to like that one. Howard went on to tell Darrell about why he dislikes Jay Leno because Darrell didn't seem to know why. Howard has a problem with the way Leno hired Stuttering John away from the show without telling him. He told Darrell all of the details about the conversation he had with Jay and how odd the guy really seems to be. Darrell said that he doesn't seem that bad to him.
Howard asked Darrell to respond to him saying that he's a robot. Darrell wouldn't answer, he was getting all confused and shit. That led to Howard playing some of the remixed clips from Jay's audio book where Richard makes him say things he never actually said. Darrell seemed to be impressed by the technology there. Howard asked him to do his Jay voice impersonating those clips but Darrell refused.
Howard asked Darrell to tell his worst Leno story. Darrell said he doesn't have one, he just does the Tonight Show and has a good time and gets treated very well. Howard told him to never do an audio book or they'll cut them up and make clips like those.
Howard gave Darrell some plugs for that play he's doing, and for some comedy gigs he's doing. Howard told Darrell that they have some Ed McMahon clips just like the Leno clips. He played some of those for him as well. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said that he just heard from Jay and Jay isn't going to let Darrell on his show anymore. He said he was just joking about that of course. He finished up his live commercial after that.
Howard said that he goes out to these movie premieres and those type of shows ask him to record those dopey lines for things like Father's day specials and things like that. He doesn't like saying that stuff so he'll refuse to do it. Then the camera guy will start laughing because he's telling the show to drop dead. He said he things they're crazy asking for nonsense like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin called Darrell ''Darren'' when he was leaving. Robin said she realized that. She didn't think he heard it though. Howard said he wants Darrell to change his name to Darren so she doesn't have to be embarrassed by that.
Another caller said that Darrell seemed to be miserable and he might want to get someone to put him on suicide watch. Artie said that this guy didn't see Darrell's face and he didn't look upset.
Howard said that this dude with the wife who wanted to get topless was out there waiting to come in. They brought the woman in a short time later. He said she was really cute. He talked to the woman, Nicole, for a few seconds and also talked to the husband. He asked her to take her top off a few seconds alter. She did it and it didn't seem to be a big deal to her. She said there wasn't much there to show. She said they're only an A-cup.
Howard said that she's really hot and wondered if it turned on the husband at all. He said he's seen them before. He said it did kind of turn him on that they were seeing them too. Artie said that they didn't seem to be all that excited to be in the studio. Nicole said that they're very nervous.
Nicole said that they were there bright and early this morning and actually saw Robin get out of her car. She said they wanted to say something to her but the driver went with her. Gary asked her if she would get completely naked. She refused to do that though.
Howard talked to Nicole and her husband and asked what else they were willing to do. Howard asked if they wanted to let the guys feel her up. She wasn't up for that. Howard told her that he'd give her $500 if she let Artie squeeze her ass. She said okay to that but Howard told her she has to be in her thong. She said that she'd do it and pulled down her pants to her ankles. Artie went over to her and Howard said that they had the $500 courtesy of the Man Groomer.
Howard told Nicole to feel free to act out if she had any sexual feelings for Artie. Artie gave her a hug and squeezed her ass. He told her that it was a nice ass as he was doing it. She said it was kind of weird to have it done. She said it had been a long time since another man did that to her. Howard thought he had seen a boner in Artie's pants. Artie said her ass smelled great too, she had some perfume or something on there. She said it was actually lotion, Euphoria Blossom by Calvin Klein, to be exact.
Howard wrapped up with Nicole and her husband. He told her that she had just been with a man who has been on Rescue Me and some other shows like MAD TV. He let them go a short time later. Artie said that it was great to be the single guy in the studio because he can do stuff like that.
Howard got back to the tape and played the interview he had. They talked about how Farah was asking a couple of Tabloids to drop some stories about her and threatened to sue over what they were saying about her. The guys were wondering if anal sex can be caused by anal sex. Gary read that it does increase the risk. Benjy said that a site he was reading said that people under 30 who have anal are at risk of getting the cancer. Howard thought he was wrong but Artie went over and read what he had on his screen and confirmed that's what it said.
Howard played the clip where they claim that Farah is a big fan of Howard's show and also of Judith Regan's show on SIRIUS.
Artie mentioned that he saw Pat O'Brien there at SIRIUS the other day. He said he thinks that Pat is a fan because he's met him before and he knew his name then. That led to Howard playing the Pat O'Brien voice mail clip. Artie said that's all he could think about when he met the guy.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. He said that they have an interview with the guy Howard saved from jumping off a bridge 13 years ago. Emilio Bonilla is doing well and still loves the show according to Steve. Steve also mentioned that they have a story about High Pitch Mike and how he's still not using his big screen TV. Steve said he showed up at his apartment asking to see the TV being unopened but he refused to show it.
Gary said that Mike gave him a tape where the two of them were going back and forth about seeing the TV. Mike was telling Steve that he didn't want to let Steve into his apartment. Mike came in and told Howard that he's planning to move soon and he doesn't want the TV to get messed up. He said that he's kept it in the box because of that. He said he doesn't want Steve in his apartment because he's creepy. Howard told Mike he's creepy too though.
Mike said that Steve said something him to him in Spanish that means he wants to put his tongue in his ass or something. Steve said that Mike taught him that line. Mike said something else pisses him off about Steve. He said he went to NYU and worked his ass off there. He said that Steve questions him about that. Steve said that's his job, he questions everything. Howard said that Steve has been investigating the news team ever since American Idol came to an end.
Mike said that he doesn't want Steve coming to his apartment but Steve said he thinks that he's got something to hide. He's just doing his job. Mike had brought in some audio of Steve talking to Michael Moore about his Canadian citizenship but Steve didn't think that was much of a story.
Mike said that he's got a roommate that has a 6 year old kid and he didn't want Steve to be around that kid. He said that they can send up the Howard TV guys to the apartment but not Steve. Steve asked him what he's hiding up there. Mike said he just doesn't want Steve up there.
Howard said he could listen to Mike's voice all day long. He asked him if he could make it deeper. Mike tried it but it wasn't much lower. Steve and Mike went back and forth wit the whole thing but they weren't getting anywhere. Steve said that maybe they could send Lisa G up to his apartment instead. Mike said he didn't care so they set that up.
Mike was digging himself a hole when he started talking about how Lisa G had called him a Jew when she talked to him about the TV. He said that's coming from her and she's the Jewiest person in the news room. He said that she's very cheap and takes off every Jewish Holiday and then said that he thinks that if he has to work on a Jewish holiday, she should to. Howard heard that Mike went to Disney World all by himself for a week. Mike said he did do that and there were even special lines for the single people down there. Artie was laughing his ass off every time he said something about that trip.
Artie asked Mike how old he was. Mike said he was 29 and Artie laughed again. He said that he's 29 and he has a happening job but he goes to Disney World. Robin said that there are other people who you'd want arrested for going to Disney alone. Howard said that it must scare the crap out of kids when they see Mike sitting there on a ride.
Howard heard that Mike went to a Madonna concert alone too. That made Artie laugh his ass off even more. Ralph had called in as well so he was laughing along with him. Mike said that he's not Mr. Popularity so he has to go alone to stuff like that. He said he has friends but he didn't have anyone to go to Florida with. Artie said that no one in that studio is ''Mr. Popularity'' but they don't go to stuff like that alone. He asked Mike if he sang ''Starlight Starbright'' or ''Who's That Girl'' at the concert. He could barely get out the line because he was laughing so hard.
Gary asked Mike if he cried during the episode of ''Run's House'' when Run lost his baby. Mike said he didn't cry, but it was very sentimental. Gary said everyone was telling him that he had cried. Ralph said that he likes that Steve is turning on all of his people. Mike was still saying that he didn't want Steve in his apartment because he thought he was too creepy.
Howard heard that Mike is throwing himself a karaoke birthday party. Mike said he loves how people throw this stuff around. He said he thought it would be a fun thing to get everyone together to party like that. Howard wondered if Mike would hang out with JD and maybe take him to Disney. JD came in and said that he likes working with Mike but he wouldn't go to Disney with him. That led to Howard saying that he wants to have a contest where they take these two and put them in a bar to see who can pick up a girl first. JD said that he doesn't want anything to do with that.
Howard said that his money would be on Mike if they did that contest. He did an impression of Mike and talked about what he might do to pick up a chick. He also said he'd like to get the Oceans 13 script and have the two of them buddy up for a remake of the movie. They could get that Darth Nihilus character make an appearance too. Howard realized that he had to get going so he asked himself what he was doing with this stuff.
Mike talked a little bit more about the trip to Disney. Howard was also talking to Mike about his sex life and found out he's only been with two girls. He had been wondering if he or JD had more chicks. JD has had a couple himself. Howard asked Mike if he would do a porno chick. Mike said that he would if she was tested. Ralph told him he can't be that picky. Mike said that he loves watching Artie laugh now because he knows when he goes home, it's nothing but sadness. Artie said that he makes him feel better about his own life.
The guys asked Mike about this 6 year old kid that lives at his apartment on the weekends. Mike said that the parents are divorced and the father lives with him and gets custody on the weekends. He said that the guy is his friend and he's the godfather of the child. That got Artie going too. He started doing his Godfather impressions and goofed on Mike for a few minutes. He was doing the scenes in his high pitch voice as if he were Mike the Godfather. He had Howard and Robin cracking up doing that.
Howard asked Mike if it was true that it was also gay week down at Disney when he was down there. Mike said that the dates of his trip... Artie was laughing so hard he couldn't finish. He could barely get his jokes out when he was trying to goof on Mike. Howard asked Mike what happened there. Mike said that his trip only overlapped the gay day by one day. He didn't plan to be there for the gay thing. Artie was still laughing his ass off at all of that.
Howard told Mike he admires him for being able to go out and go to a park like that all by himself. Mike was trying to goof on Artie asking him when he's going to get a chick but Artie was still laughing his ass off. A few seconds later Gary came in with a script from one of the Oceans movies so JD and Mike could reenact that. JD and Mike did their thing but JD said a line that was supposed to be ''pure ego'' but it came out like ''Prairie Goat'' so Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that.
Howard wrapped up with everyone a short time later. He asked Steve if he was done. Steve got in a plug for Chuck Zito's show that airs tonight at 7pm on Howard 101 and then Jon Hein came in with his show preview. Jon mentioned that they'll talk about Darrell Hammond's visit to the show. They'll also talk about Nicole taking her top off to get into the studio for a tour. They'll also talk about all of the stuff that just went on with Mike and Steve.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he almost passed out laughing at that segment of the show. Howard took another call from a guy who said they have to keep Mike out of the studio because he was laughing so hard. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was listening to a new phony phone call that Richard made. They must be so desperate for calls that they ignore that he uses the word ''cunt'' during the call. Howard played the call and you hear Richard asking some legal questions to the host of this call in show. He tells the guy that he's tried to get his landlord to come over and help but the water is scalding hot and burned his cunt. They keep him on and ask him more questions about the scalding hot water. They take the call seriously for a couple of minutes but eventually hang up. Sal then calls in with a question about his air conditioning being too cold and eventually brings up how he was jerking off and it looked like a Slurpee when it came out. The guys thought that was the first phony phone call they had gotten in a while, not realizing the cunt call was one as well.
Howard said that a lot of homeless people hang out at those places and he can see why they'd be worried. Artie asked the guy what he does when he's there and what was in the story that would lead to her doing that. He said that there were two connections in the story that made her think that it was something about himself. He said that the woman gets killed in the story and she had short black hair like the girl at the coffee shop. The guy says that he told the cops that it was just a story.
Howard told him that maybe this is a good sign and it's time to get out of Starbucks. Artie said he saw a guy on line at a Starbucks and the guy was carrying a dog with a bag of shit that the dog had taken. He said the dog was slobbering and the guy was all sweaty from jogging so it was gross.
The caller, Derek, told Howard that he should read his stuff. Howard said he doesn't read though so he wasn't interested. When the guy said that ''Mystery Men'' was the greatest movie of all time, Howard told him he should stop writing. Artie said that he just got a check for $2,400 from that movie so he loves it for that.
Another caller asked Howard what he would do if Beth slept with another man while out on a photo shoot. He said he'd break up with her. The caller also asked if he would hire Imus there at his channel if he came to him asking for a job. Howard said he doesn't see that Imus ever generated any audience so he doesn't see it happening. He said he might have him in to goof on him or something for an hour or so though.
The caller asked if Howard would ask Artie to seek treatment if he ever started doing shows with Jackie. Artie said he actually talked to Jackie about doing that one day. it was Jackie who brought it up. That led to Howard saying that he's not sure that it would be a good idea to do something like that. Artie said they were just talking about doing maybe one night together.
The caller said that he's the guy that saw Artie at Starbucks recently. That led to Howard talking about how he admires Artie for going out to do that himself because he knows of people who work there who send out for their Starbucks drinks.
The caller told Howard that he had a story about his cousin Jack Adler and started to go into it. Howard didn't get why he was going into the story though. He cut him off and said he didn't want to embarrass anyone. The guy kept talking though so Howard had to hang up on him.
Artie told a story about going to a Starbucks that he usually doesn't go to this morning and that's where he met that caller.
Artie said that movie is one of those things that he asked Bob not to do but he went ahead and did it. Howard explained what was going on in this scene. He said that a woman goes up to Bob and tells him how great he is and that leads to Bob telling a story of his life and that's where the porn stories come in. They flash back to a porno dude playing Bob in the flashbacks. He said the guy looks like he's older than Bob though.
Howard played a clip from the movie where Bob is talking to this fan who came up to him telling him how great he was. Bob makes some jokes that the guys were goofing on. They even have a reference to his Blue Cheese bit in the movie. Artie said he knows he's going to get into trouble with Bob by talking about this but Leno and Letterman are never going to have porno guys on their shows. He knows Bob wants to do those type of shows but he's not going to get on doing stuff like that.
Howard said that in this next scene they have ''young Bob'' banging Savanna. He played a second of that and then Artie said that he might as well be banging her because he's heard that Bob has a big cock. Howard played another clip where a Dice Clay-like character is stealing some of Bob's material. The scene sounded kind of confusing so Artie asked what was going on there. Howard said he didn't see that particular scene. He didn't get that far into it when he was watching.
Howard talked about how he heard that Bob got a blow job from savanna and he just can't imagine her doing that with her techniques that he's seen in her movies. Artie said he thinks he had a chance with her one night but he was with Dana at the time and didn't want to screw that up. Howard said it's a good thing he didn't screw things up by doing that with Savanna.
Howard had a clip from the AVN awards where Savanna wins an award and goes up to give her acceptance speech. She breaks down crying over it. She thanks her family, the people who supported her, and then starts breaking down crying.
Howard said that Beth was trying to watch a show that an old friend of hers was in. She didn't end up liking it though so he was kind of glad about that. Artie said he made the mistake of putting Dana in ''Beer League'' because it makes it tough to watch. Howard told him to just cut her out. He also dedicated his DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin'' to her. Howard said he did some embarrassing stuff with Dana, even toward the end of his relationship. He had her up on stage at Carnegie Hall and had the audience singing Happy Birthday to her.
Howard took a call from John Boy who said he was watching Beth on Casino Cinema and got hard so he changed the channel in respect to Howard. Then he saw Angie Everhart on another show and ended up beating off to her. He also said that Andrea Miss Howard Stern's call where she's having sex was really hot too. Howard said that was pretty hot and he never really looks at her sexually but he did yesterday.
Howard asked if he should replay that Miss Howard Stern clip. John Boy said he wanted to finish himself off so he wanted to hear it. Howard hung up on him saying that he didn't want him to finish off. He took another call from a guy who said he liked that clip too. Howard ended up replaying it. In the clip we hear Andrea and her boyfriend having sex over the phone as Doug Goodstein and Mike Gange listen in. Howard let the clip play through until Andrea and her boyfriend were done. She was screaming in pain because the guy is so big.
Howard said he liked the clip where Andrea talks about not using birth control. He played the audio of her talking about how her boyfriend can't pull out right away because it hurts too much. She then reveals that he didn't use a condom and she forgot to take one of her birth control pills recently. Artie thought that conversation was creepy. Howard said that they've decided that a reality TV show with her would be really good.
Howard asked The Sim some questions and found out that he's a Jew. He thought he was part Chinese but that wasn't right. He asked him about how he looks and if chicks are attracted to him. He said he does alright. Robin still didn't want to go out with him. Howard told her that he's got a good personality though. She didn't like that he had a daughter either. She said that was a deal breaker.
Howard asked The Sim if he could live in the house with Dr. Roni. Sim said that would be tough. That led to Howard inviting the guy down to the studio to introduce him to Robin. They found out that The Sim had lost some weight over the past couple of years. He used to weigh about 225 at 5'10'' tall and now he's down to about 165 and he works out.
Howard wondered why Robin wasn't going to go out with this guy. She just wasn't interested. Howard told him to just come down there tomorrow and they'll let Robin check him out. He said if there's romance in the air they'll see what happens, if not, they'll just let him go. Howard put him on hold so they could set him up for tomorrow. Artie figured he had to be bullshitting about the amount of money he makes or the size of his penis. He claimed to be raking in six figures and having a big penis.
Howard said that he knows that Robin might not be attracted to this guy but there is a chance. He said that he'd probably move right into that beach house of hers. He said he can see him floating around in the pool with the hair falling out of his head. He said he's already got that nickname thing going like Mr. X did. Howard said they're working on getting a picture of him but Howard said they might not want to do that. He said they should just have him in.
Robin liked it but Artie said he's never really been a big fan of theirs. He said he did buy ''Slippery When Wet'' though. Howard said that John did a country song with LeAnn Rimes and he was kind of turned on by her. He said that LeAnn performs with John and they were looking at each other like they had fucked. He said he knows that John loves his wife but it sure looked like something had happened.
Howard played the clip of LeAnn performing with John after talking about it. He told the guys that it really did look like something was going on there. He said that if he was Dorothea (John's wife) he'd be filing for divorce. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said they have Burton Cummings playing ''Those Teeth'' in the group now. He said you hear Jackie laughing through the whole song so he must have heard some of his lines. He played some of the song and said you can hear the whole song during the special. He said that they also have Enrique Iglacias' performance of Rhythm Divine added to the special. He played a little bit of that and then played some of Patty Smythe's ''Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough.''
Howard said they also have The Stone Temple Pilots performing Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick. He played a tiny bit of that and also have Howard singing the opening to Zeppelin's ''Immigration Song.'' He played that and also Robert Goulet performing Vinnie Favale's ''Restless, Restless.'' They also dug up a song that Leslie West and Tiny Tim performed together one time. Howard didn't remember that one but he played a little bit of it. They sang ''My Little Sunshine'' and Howard was fucking it up with a drum machine.
Gary said one song they weren't sure about including was Ian Hunter performing ''All The Young Dudes.'' He said that the interns didn't know who he was but they thought it was good enough to throw in there. Howard said the song kind of moved him so he's glad they put it in there. He said he knows Ian's voice wasn't all that great that day but he still liked it. Artie said he kind of digs that because it had soul. Fred said the guy was never a great vocalist, it was all about the song.
Howard said it meant something to him when he was singing the song even if it wasn't all that great. Howard said that the special is airing on July 4th but he thought that it was over the weekend. Jon Hein said that it's actually starting at 6am on Wednesday morning and will run the full 24 hours.
Howard read through some of that e-mail feedback and the fans liked it. Howard said it was kind of mean but it was kind of funny, he has to admit that. Eric wasn't saying anything. Howard told him he really does like him, and he's fun to talk to on the air, but Comedy has to win out over civility.
Artie said he used to like Eric but he's become very rude and he's very ungrateful. Eric told him to get over that. He said that they're painting him as an ungrateful person and he really is a grateful person. He said they have to get that straight. Howard told Artie he has to play along with that. Artie asked Eric to give him an example of him being grateful, just one example. Eric said that he's said thank you for stuff they've given him. Howard cut him off and said this could go on all day.
Howard said that he still likes Eric. Eric said that he heard Lisa G come in there and bring up the balloon stunt. He said that they should drop it because it's never going to happen. Artie kept up the ungrateful thing but Howard wanted to wrap up the call.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to hear this porno clip that a fan sent in. It was from some movie called Cum Dumpsters. In the clip the guy goes nuts groaning as he's doing this chick. Howard said he has no desire to hear a dude doing that. Howard asked Eric if he sounds like that. Eric said ''no'' to that. Artie said they don't know what he sounds like having sex and they also don't know what he sounds like when he writes a thank you note.
Howard was wrapping up with Eric but Eric brought up the death of wrestler Chris Benoit. He was getting into that but Howard cut him off saying that he takes forever to get to his point. He hung up on Eric and played an old phony phone call that Richard made using some clips of a porn guy coming, using the clip as his own dry heaving sound.
Howard said Triple H got on that special and told a freaky story. He played the clip of that where Triple H was asking what Chris Benoit was and he figured that it was all about respect. He demanded respect and it meant everything to him. He then tells a story about how Chris took it upon himself to teach another wrestler a lesson after he had disrespected another guy by making him do 1000 squats. The next day the guy couldn't bend his legs so he forced him to do 500 more squats. That's how much respect meant to him. Howard said that sounds like something KC's father would do to him. He said he could never deal with something like that in his life. Howard said that story was kind of insightful because maybe that's the way he reacted to something in his personal life and took it to an extreme.
Howard said that there are some angry dudes there in the WWE. He wondered if Chris' wife Texted ''143'' to someone. He was referring to Sal's wife when he brought up that ''143'' thing.
Artie said that the discussion was just small talk, nothing big. He said he knows that he never said the word and he doesn't think he got a hold of the envelope. Robin thinks the guy got the envelope somehow. Artie said he didn't get it but then he said there was one thing with him. He said that he had talked about his father liking The Doors but he thinks he had talked about that on the air. Artie said that his mother and uncle guessed the word the other day and that was in front of his accountant so it's possible that he said something even though he asked him not to.
Eric said that he didn't hear Howard say that he thought that maybe the wife could have done the shooting in the murder/suicide. Howard said he did say that and maybe they were wrong about that and maybe someone else came in and killed them. Eric said there were no gun shots or stab wounds so there could be other things that killed them.
A caller told Howard to get Eric off the phone. Eric told the guy to go fuck a tree so the caller said he'd just push him down the stairs. Eric said that he hopes that the WWE never send another person to do an interview there. Howard said he didn't care if that happened, it wouldn't be a problem. He hung up on him a short time later.
Howard had a clip from that show where the Sheik was screaming at Randy Savage who was supposedly on the phone. He was calling him a ''Jew, cheap, son of a bitch.'' Ronnie came in and said he was actually there that night and right next to the guy. He said he and The Sheik were sitting there having a good time. He said the Sheik was drinking 20 oz. can's of beer one after the other. Howard said they have to book him for the show. Gary said that he's actually booked already for August 2nd.
Howard played a clip where the Sheik sounded like he was breaking down when a caller brought up his old manager who had passed away. His current manager said something to him and Ronnie said the Sheik started to punch the guy. He also said that the Sheik was crying as he was talking about that old manager. He called his current manager a faggot. Artie had his impression down already and started to do some lines as the Iron Sheik.
Howard asked Marc to do it with other words instead of Artie's secret password. Robin took out a dollar bill and Marc was going to try and write down the serial number. He said he doesn't claim to have any special powers. Howard said that if he gets this serial number, he has to have special powers. Marc stood in a corner and tried to come up with the number. He said that he wasn't asking any questions or anything like that. Marc read off the numbers 5, 8, 0, 2 and a 3. Robin said that there is a 5, 3 and 0. Marc wasn't happy with that. He said that he thinks there's a double number in there. Robin said it was the zero that was doubled up. She also said that there were two fives in there. He had already guessed five of the digits with that. He said the other one was probably 1 and got that right.
Howard asked Marc if he could guess what article Robin rips out of a newspaper. Marc said that he usually controls that kind of stuff. He also told a story about going to MIT last week where he was asked to break a code that they came up with. He said he just picks up on stuff that people do. He said he wished that he had asked questions because he could have been much better.
Marc said that he was one of the guys who picked jurors for the OJ Simpson case. He said he was picking out the unbiased people for the jury. He didn't pick the final list of people though. He said much of what he does doesn't involve guilt or innocence, he just picks out the unbiased people.
Howard asked Marc to do something like guess the newspaper article or a word he picks out of a book. Marc said he had to control it so he ended up picking the paper. He asked Howard which one he wanted to use. He said he had to decide which word he was going to guess Howard was going to pick from an article. He leafed through the whole paper and found a section that Howard hadn't put any notes in. Marc told him to find one of the double pages that are attached. Marc had him rip in half and then drop one piece on the floor, then he had him rip that piece in half and then horizontally. He said there was one word on the page that was very large. He said he had written it down himself and asked Howard what the largest word was. Marc had written down the word that he figured was going to be on the page when he finished ripping it up. IT wasn't a special power, it was just controlling the way he was ripping the paper.
Marc had Howard do some other ripping and tearing to show what he does. He said he has a bit more control over his audiences. He told Howard to put his finger in the air and come back down on the paper. Howard landed on ''Dinner'' but Marc said he had the number 4 written down.
Artie asked Howard to let Marc give him the special word that he had written down. A caller said that if the guy used a special pen he could have spelled out the word with the pen in a Palm Pilot or something. Another caller backed up that theory and said that this guy already knows the word and the whole thing is blown now. He said if the guy was up and up he would have had Artie write the word down in there. Artie said that the pen was very average looking.
Marc said that he admits that he's a con man and that's what his job is. He doesn't have any special powers. He then went through the alphabet a few times and watched Artie's reaction to the letters. He figured that the letter I was in the word. Artie said there is one in there. Marc asked Howard to get the next letter. He said that Artie's pupils get very large when he gets excited so he wanted him to watch his eyes as he went through the alphabet. He asked Artie to say ''no'' to every question he's asked and to have Howard try and guess what the word is. Howard had Artie come closer to him and then asked him about each letter of the alphabet. Artie did that and went through the whole alphabet.
Howard tried again from the beginning and guessed it was the letter D. Artie said that wasn't correct. He said there is no D in the word. Robin asked if there's an E and Artie said no to that as well. Marc said that he got the letter I but also said that it was either and S or a T that was next. He said that it must be an S. Artie confirmed it was an S. He guessed that it was SIT but Artie said that wasn't correct. It wasn't SIT but there was a T in the word. Marc handed Artie the word and he actually got it right. It turned out to be the word ''Otis.'' Artie said that his father worked with some Otis elevator equipment and it was a word that they had come up with when his father was on his death bed.
Howard wrote down a word of his own and wanted Marc to guess what it was. Howard said that he will say that Marc is the greatest mentalist ever if he can guess that word. He had Marc do his thing again. He ran through the alphabet and guessed that there was an O in the word. He was wrong. He kept getting that O every time he ran through the letters. Marc gave up after that because he wasn't able to get the letters. Howard showed him the word and it was simply ''THIS.'' He was trying to help Marc out. Artie said that people are going to think that he used a special pen with his word now. Marc said he was just there to entertain them. He wasn't there for cynicism.
Howard gave Marc some plugs for his book ''The Six Keys to Unlock and Empower Your Mind: Spot Liars & Cheats, Negotiate Any Deal to Your Advantage, Win at the Office, Influence Friends, & Much More'' and then went to break.
Howard said that the mentalist they had on 60 Minutes was good. Marc wasn't quite the same on the show. Artie said that he wanted to come up with someone who claims to talk to the dead to guess that word. Howard said that now it's really ruined because everyone has heard the word and anyone could guess what it is now. If Artie's dad is out there trying to talk to him, he may never know.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to play. He said he's got Bob Levy with Savanna and Beetlejuice out there. He said Bob complains about having to baby sit Beet out on the road but he really doesn't need to bring him with him. Bob could do his shows himself, without Beetle.
Howard said they asked Beetlejuice if he had sex with Beth O. Beet said that he did and Howard was going to have to deal with it. He said that he might have had her with two or three other guys too. Beet said he saw two Chinese guys fuckin' her when he got out of bed. Howard said he could tell Beet was lying because his pupils were bit.
In another clip Bob asked Beetlejuice if he would let Steve Langford in his house. He said he didn't like him and he was too scary to let him in. Howard said that's what goes on all day with Beetlejuice. He said he's not sure what their fascination is with Beet's stories but they apparently love it.
Howard said Beth wasn't around last night so he was going to beat off to this porno that Levy and Savanna were in. He said he actually jerked off to a guy playing a young Bob Levy fucking Savanna. He said that Savanna is so uninhibited in the movie too. She just opens up everything and she has no modesty there at all. He said it was disturbing watching someone playing Levy. He wondered why Vivid made a movie about Bob Levy's life.
Howard had the guys bring in Savanna and Bob. He told Savanna she was looking really hot. She said she didn't know why she bothered getting dressed since she usually strips down. She was ready to take off her pants right away. Beetlejuice came in a few seconds later and started rambling. Savanna took her pants off so Howard asked him what he thought about that. Beet said he didn't know nothing about that.
Artie thought that Savanna had new tits but she said they're the old ones. Howard asked Savanna if she would have sex with Beet in a movie. She said she wouldn't do it because she's all about chemistry and she doesn't have any with him. Howard asked Beet if he'd do her. Of course he would as long as she wanted to. Howard asked Beet not to lie about Beth and not tell stories about banging her. Beet said that he'd never know if he did.
Howard said he thinks that Beet lost more teeth. Artie said that's from too much cock sucking. That led to Artie and Beet going back and forth with Artie pissing Beet off. Beetlejuice told Artie that he needs to go on the ''trim slim'' or something because he's a fat motherfucker. Howard asked Beet how he stays so thin. He said he goes to the gym. Bob had him showing off his muscles and Artie said he looks like a little Wesley Snipes.
Howard told Savanna that he beat off to her movie last night but he can't believe that they have Bob Levy in the movie. Savanna said she was reading the script wondering who the fuck Bob was. Howard asked if she really blew Bob in a bathroom. Bob said it wasn't like that at all. He said it was special. She said that they were just having fun. Bob said they were in a back room at a comedy show. Savanna said that she was having a great time with Bob and he mentioned he had a cock so she started sucking it. He wasn't able to finish because someone came in and interrupted them.
Howard said he was watching this movie ''Stood Up'' last night. Beet kept interrupting talking about how great everything was. Bob said that Beet was talkative because he may have smoked some weed with Shuli.
Artie said he's talked to Bob about this before and he doesn't think that it's a good thing for him to do in his career. He'll never get on Letterman doing that kind of stuff. Bob said that they're never going to have him on anyway so it doesn't matter now.
Howard said that he really doesn't want to see Bob cracking jokes in a porno movie but he did kind of like seeing Bob in the movie. He played a clip from the movie where Bob is talking to this chick in a bar. Howard told him that was some acting going on there. Bob said that he's sure to win a big award for that scene right there. He was saying that the scene wasn't scripted but Howard knew it was. Bob admitted that he's not a good actor or a good liar.
Howard said that in the flashback scene in the movie Bob talks about being younger but then this guy who looks older than him comes in and starts banging Savanna. Bob said that was Tommy Gunn who was playing him as a younger man. Howard talked to Savanna about blowing that guy in the movie and she seemed to really be enjoying what she was doing. She said she likes to turn on the guys who are there filming because they're so jaded. Howard asked Bob if he actually considered fucking Savanna in the movie. He said he never really did but he'd like to have sex with her sometime.
The guys asked Bob and Savanna how long they lasted doing the blow job thing. Bob said it was probably 5 minutes or so before that person came in and interrupted them. Savanna said it was just a clean blow job, no kissing or anything like that going on. Bob said that he's pretty big down there but Savanna said that she doesn't care about size as long as it's hard. Artie said he's never seen it but he's heard that Bob's cock is pretty big.
Howard described one scene where Savanna takes the guy's dick and puts it in her ass. She said that she prepares for that. She said she'll take some muscle relaxers or something. She said that she actually has better orgasms when he takes it anally. Beetlejuice was all wound up and throwing in some comments during that discussion.
Howard told Savanna that anal sex can lead to cancer down there from what he heard. She said you only live once so it didn't seem to matter. Artie said that Savanna has to be somewhat turned on by Bob to have blown him. She said that she liked Bob. He was funny and made her laugh so it was no big deal to her. She said that a blow job isn't all that big of a deal to her. She said it's less intimate than other things.
Robin asked Artie when he thought he had a chance with her. Artie said it was down in Florida but Savanna said that he was delusional. He told Savanna that it was about 3 years ago and they were down there for the opening of Scores in Miami. She said she may have given off the wrong vibe. Artie had a girlfriend at the time but he could have misread her look. Artie said that this was depressing. Bob laughed at him when he heard all of that.
A phone caller said that he used to love Savanna but now he will never watch another one of her movies because she's been with Bob. The guys in the back called in with some clips of the Iron Sheik and tried to get Beetlejuice going. Beet didn't seem to care and just blew him off. They had the Iron Sheik calling him a Jew but Beet said he wasn't a Jew. Howard eventually hung up on him.
Howard said he found out that Savanna was sleeping with black guys now. She said that she does do them even though she's been advised not to do it. She was trying to talk to Howard but Artie was doing his Iron Sheik impression talking over her and Howard. Howard found out she's in the process of getting divorced. She's not dating right now either. Howard read that she wanted to have sex with Dave Navarro. That got Artie going as Iron Sheik again and then Savanna told her story. She said that she could have had him one night but she was planning to have sex with someone else that night.
Howard told Savanna that he was looking forward to this new movie coming out. He said that it looks like Savanna had lost some weight. She said that her weight fluctuates a lot. Howard asked Beetlejuice how hard he'd hit that if he could. He said he'd hit it really hard so Savanna let him whack her ass. He took a really hard shot at her and when she showed her ass, it was very red according to Howard. The mark on her ass looked like Beetlejuice's little hand.
Howard said things were turning into a zoo in there and tried to wrap it up. He gave Savanna some plugs for her stuff and said you can check her out at UniversityOfSavanna.com. Howard gave Bob a plug for his web site RevBobLevy.com too.
Howard said that Beetlejuice will be headlining at The House of Blues in Atlantic City on July 4th. As he was plugging that the guys were telling Beetlejuice to kiss Savanna's ass. He didn't do it though. You can check him out at JollyDwarf.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said he liked this new Beetlejuice, he was all happy. Howard said it did seem like he had changed from the last time he was on. He asked Beetlejuice what it was. He wondered if he found God or something. Beet said that God finds him, not the other way around. The Howard TV guys replayed Beet's smack so everyone could see that. The guys in the back called in again with clips of Leon Spinks and had him rambling on and on. Another caller asked Savanna does ass to mouth on film. She said that she's never done that. She said that she prepares ahead of time for anal sex and she's always clean back there when she films. Howard took another call
One caller asked Savanna if she wanted to do some phone sex. She said that she's not all that verbal so she wasn't into that. Robin said she was shocked by that. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and thanked everyone for coming in. He talked to Beet about all of his missing teeth and asked if he has a hard time eating. Beet said he can eat apples no problem. Bob was saying that he actually just eats the easy foods like spaghetti.
Richard came in and told Howard that Bob hurt his back on stage one time and he asked someone to bring him an 8-ball of coke to help him out. He was telling that story but Beet was talking over them all. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Artie said that people have laughed at him all this time but he didn't even get a TV until last year. He was joking of course. Howard went on to read the story about this iPhone and how it's not going to be able to live up to the hype its been getting so far.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie ruined that interview with Savanna by doing his Iron Sheik thing. The guy asked Artie when he last saw his cock without using a mirror. Artie said it was when his mother was sucking him. The caller seems to think that Artie will lose his new house when he leaves the show. He said that Artie constantly disrespects Howard but Howard didn't feel that way. He said Artie never disrespects him.
The caller thought that Artie was going to lose his house within 6 months after he leaves the show. He admits that he's an angry fat guy himself so Artie tried to get him to come out to see him at a show sometime but the guy didn't seem that interested even though he said he loves Artie.
Howard let Jeff go and said he just found something interesting. He read that Lawrence Coward (King of All Blacks) was suing his boss because she's allegedly been harassing him. He read the article and it says that his street sweeper job was taken away from him and he was made into a general laborer.
Howard was going to let Jeff the Drunk go but Jeff said that he got back stage to see Hank Williams Jr. That led to Gary talking about how he ran into Hank's manager and the guy told him what a pain in the ass Jeff was. Gary said the guy let Jeff go back and meet the guy but Jeff was demanding to have 6 people go with him. Gary said that he wants Jeff to work for that kind of stuff. He said that he's going to fuck everything up for them by doing that stuff. Jeff said that his manager was the one who got him the tickets. Gary said that he used Howard's name and that's going to screw things up for them.
Howard asked what Jeff did that was a pain in the ass. He said the manager was saying that Jeff was calling over and over and asking to have more people allowed back stage with him and stuff like that. Jeff said that he did make the calls.
Gary said that he had tried to get tickets for him but he wasn't able to get them. Jeff went behind his back after that and bothered that guy about getting him tickets. Jeff apologized and told everyone to have a good weekend.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Artie that he ruined that interview with that Iron Sheik impression he was doing. He goofed on Mariann and said he was so sorry for doing that.
Steve got back to his news report and said that they were suggesting that they send Mike down to Disney with Joey Boots and Siobhan since all three of them are single. Howard asked Steve if he's going to try to get up to Mike's apartment again. Steve said they tried once and that's it. They joked about getting a search warrant though.
A caller said that Steve is the most underrated guy on the show because he's like a bulldog. That led to the guys talking about how great Steve is at doing what he does. A short time later High Pitch Mike came in to explain why he won't let Lisa G up to his apartment. Mike said that letting Lisa into his apartment is like letting Steve win. He said that Steve never trusts him and he thinks that letting anyone into his apartment is an invasion of privacy.
Howard said that all Steve wants to do is get verification that the TV is in the box. Mike said that maybe they should have Steve cover the new season of American Idol instead of this. Mike said that he got an invite to go to a Broadway show with Lisa G. Howard heard that Mike had gotten frisked by the cops. Mike said that three cops got out of their unmarked car and stopped him on his way to do laundry. Steve threw in the six year old kid during that conversation.
Mike said that the cops stopped him and said that they have the right to stop anyone walking out of a building. He said he showed them his ID and they left shortly after that. They must have seen him with the laundry and figured maybe he was carrying drugs. Mike said that maybe Steve sent those guys out to check out his TV. Artie asked him if he's ever had anyone from work who has been to his apartment. He said he doesn't hang out with anyone there so no one had been there. Howard said Steve was laughing at the picture of the TV in the box. Mike joked that he wanted to cut Steve's body up into little parts and put them into the box when he finally does take the TV out.
Steve ran down a couple of other things and got in plugs for Jackie's Joke Hunt and Riley Martin's show which are at 7pm and Midnight tonight. Jon Hein then came in and ran down the stuff they were going to cover today on The Wrap Up Show. He said they'll talk about Bob Levy, Savanna Samson and Beetlejuice's visit to the show today. They'll also talk about mentalist Marc Salem's visit. They'll talk about the Iron Sheik clips and Artie's impression of him. That led to Howard replaying some of those clips and reminding everyone that Sheik will be in on August 2nd.
Dominic Barbara called in and told the guys about this special pen that they have for using in court that can copy and print out what it sees. He said that could be the way Marc found out what he found. He also said he was kind of sad that they had given out the secret word today because now there's no reason to have anyone else in to do that. Dominic wished everyone a great vacation as if this week was coming to an end today. Robin said they have two days left.
Howard ended up talking to Artie about leaving the show in January. Artie said he rethought that and he's not sure what's going on. He may just stay with the show and not take time off like he had talked about.
Howard said that the place Robin is getting her food from is very expensive. He said that their minimum delivery price is $45 so she must have payed that much for her little snack there. Robin started her news a short time later.
Robin ran through a bunch of stories and later in the news Howard asked Artie to look at something on his back that was driving him nuts. He thought it was a scratch or something. Artie took a look and said there was a tiny scratch but it was kind of close to his mole. Howard had him picking his back and Artie pulled out what he thought was a splinter back there. Howard thanked his ''bro'' for pulling it out and said he hoped it wasn't too gross. Artie said it looked like a piece of wood that never really penetrated the skin. He wasn't worried about getting anything from Howard because he knows he's clean. Howard ended up rubbing some alcohol on that area after the little operation because he's not so sure about Artie being clean.
Howard wrapped up the show after Robin finished up her news. Artie got in some plugs for some upcoming gigs he had as well. They ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show asking Robin who she was talking to in her booth. She had a man under her desk doing something. It turned out to be Scott the Engineer fixing something. Howard moved on and took a phone call from a guy who asked if he had heard about the Chris Benoit death. Howard said he was talking about how the guy sounded like he was a little out of control. He talked about the tribute to Chris that they did on the WWE special they ran the other night. He said Vince McMahon had to come out and apologize for that after the truth came out about Chris killing himself, his wife and son.
Howard said that it turns out the wife was strangled and then a couple days later the kid was killed and then Chris killed himself by hanging. Robin said the kid was found with needle marks in his arms and they're saying that it was from growth hormones. Howard said that it's obvious that some of those guys are on steroids and some people are saying that could be the reason that Benoit lost it.
Howard replayed the story that Triple H told about Benoit at the WWE tribute to Chris. In that tribute Triple H talked about the respect that Chris demanded from everyone and how he had forced one wrestler to do 1000 squats after he thought he'd disrespected another wrestler. Then the next day he made the guy do 500 more even though he could barely bend his legs. Howard talked about how some of those wrestlers are into this ''respect'' thing but this guy may have pushed it a little too far.
After playing that clip he played the audio of Vince McMahon coming out and apologizing for that 3 hour tribute they did for Chris. He said that it's hard to take the guy seriously though. In the clip Vince says that there will be no mention of his name during that show other than what he had just said. He goes on to explain how the WWE performers are going to do what they do better than anyone in the world, entertain people. Howard joked that Vince was then going to do a tribute to the VA Tech shooter.
Robin said that Chris Benoit should have been pissed at Vince for giving him that name. She wondered what Vince was thinking when he put on that special because they had to have known some details of the killings. Howard asked if they would do a show the next day if Fred had wiped out his entire family. Robin said that they'd have a tribute like the WWE did. Howard said the real crime is that Vince's voice is ravaged from yelling all these years. Robin said that stuff does take a toll on those guys.
Howard read that Benoit was his real name which surprised him. He said he thought that was a made up name and ''Ben-wah'' was the right pronunciation. Robin said that's not the correct pronunciation, it's ''Ben-oi.''
Howard said he was surprised to learn that Bob Levy used to wrestle. Artie said he knew that and they talked about it on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard thought that was impressive. It might be fake but you still need some agility and ability to do that stuff. Artie said he wants to play Bob in the Bob Levy life story if there ever is one.
Howard played more clips about Chris Benoit's death. He said he read that Chris was upset that he had been demoted. They were having him lose in his story lines and that may have upset him. Artie said he heard from Chris Kanyon the other day and Howard might want to get some comments from him. Howard went on to play some audio where Stacy McMahon talked about Chris and how passionate he was about family. Howard said she might be right because he doesn't know anyone who would be into it that much to go home and kill his family.
He played some other comments from some of Chris' co-workers there at the WWE. After that he talked about how riveting the story was when he was following it in the news. He said that it was really shocking that Chris was shooting up his son with growth hormone. He said that maybe the guy got a prescription from the doctor if the kid was a dwarf or something.
Howard said he was under some stress in his life and had a lot of things going on that were hard to deal with. He didn't really have anyone to talk to at the time since he wasn't in therapy. He said he didn't think he ever would have done that to him. He said he wondered about why people were so passionate about life that they'd want to kill themselves.
Howard said he doesn't know what was going on in Chris' life so he can't really comment. Robin said that it had to be tough for Chris to stay in the house with his dead wife and then want to kill his son and himself.
The guys took some of those clips of The Iron Sheik and some of the clips of Lily Tomlin yelling on the set of the movie ''I Heart Huckabees'' to have the two of them yelling back and forth at each other. Howard quickly played that and then took some phone calls.
Howard took a call form one guy who talked about how huge The Iron Sheik was back in the 1980s. They spent a minute on that before Howard took another call. The woman said that her son would be a better date for Robin than The Sim would. Howard said that The Sim is coming in today and he needs to get his shot at dating her. Howard said he got a note about The Sim and they were saying he looks like Shuli. Gary said that he was claiming that he looks very ''Jewy'' but he thinks that he's an 8 on a scale of 10. if he wasn't so Jewy he thinks he'd be a 10. Howard heard that he looked like Shuli so he asked Robin if she's attracted to Shuli. Robin laughed.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be Chris Benoit's brother doing a bit that turned out to be very unfunny. He took another call but before the guy could ask a question he talked about how he's been watching dating shows a lot lately. He said he's been watching ''Age of Love'' and enjoying that. Howard talked about what goes on in those shows and how seriously they take that stuff.
Howard said he loves these romance shows that they put on. He likes watching people dating like that. He said he wouldn't watch them if he wasn't with Beth though. He wouldn't take the time to watch that stuff if he wasn't in a relationship. Robin said he'd be busy trying to date. Howard said that ''Science of Love'' was really good but it was apparently only a one time special. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said there was a story about Eddie Murphy in the paper where they talk about the kind of money he's worth. That led to Howard talking about how Eddie is worth about $140 million but he should have Oprah Winfrey money with the kind of talent he has. Artie said that he thinks that Tim Allen, Drew Carrey and guys like that probably have more money than Eddie does.
Gary said that Eddie has made 30 movies and asked Howard to guess what the average gross was. Howard said it must be pretty high. Gary said that it was $97 million. Howard said that the one that probably dragged it down was ''Pluto Nash'' which turned out to be true. Gary said that one only grossed $4 million.
Howard said that he has sad news about Eric the Midget who is announcing his retirement from the show. He said that he thinks that he doesn't respect the WWE enough. He said that Eric sent him a 3 page letter so he read some of that. He read the letter, which I also go, so here's what he wrote:
Well after today a lot of you will get your long awaited wish. I'll be 100% done with the show for good this time. After how fucking disrespectful, and in human acting Howard was yesterday morning towards Mr. McMahon, his family, Triple H., Chris Beniot, his family, and the whole great WWE company. Tomorrow will be my 100% last call I promise. I don't want to deal with his disrespectful ass anymore the he's a person really only fucking cares about is himself, and the money he gets off of all of the people that pay to listen to his pathetic excuse for entertainment so I'm 100% done with that shit. Yesterdays show was the complete last straw. Nothing short of an on air I'm sorry for being a complete in human acting ass toward you, and the WWE is going to bring me back to the show this time. Since I don't see that ever happening that means I this time won't be back. The other things that would have to happen are number one the balloon stunt would have to be completely dropped. Number two trying to get me laid every time a porn star comes around would have to stop. I hate that. Pushing a person to get laid isn't right at all no matter if they are an adult. In a way I see it as a little like trying to rape me. I want to have sex but I want it to be on my terms, and my way. Also I don't want it to be a whole public thing. Number three he would have to stop playing off as some ungrateful little miserable asshole bad guy to all of you listeners. Sure some of you have the brains to see through the whole thing the rest of you are as retarded as he is. The fourth, and last thing he'd have to do is kind of a two parter. Drop the damn nick-name, and treat me with some damn respect. So that also means no sound effects or anything like that. No more making fun of me is also included in this whole thing. If he expect people to show him respect he needs to return the favor. So I like said since I never see any of this ever happening don't ever expect Stern to say these words again after today. Howard Stern, ''Hey we have Eric 'The Midget' on the line do you want to hear from him right now.'' I can't be a part of a show anymore where the head of show acts the way Howard did yestersday. I mean how would he feel if they lost one of the married male members of their staff, and his wife, and kid, or kids, and the next morning on air Howard, and the others starter telling their heart felt memories of that person, and his family, and some outsider called in making cracks, and laughing about it.
I know the way the whole thing went down Beniot ended up where he killed his wife, and his young kid. Yes I do see that as a completely horrible thing to do to your family, but I've been watching him wrestler on tv, and live in arenas for years now what happened was completely unlike him. All you had to do was sit, and listen to the heart felt words of his co-workers, and close friends to see the Chris Beniot that killed his wife, his young son, and then himself wasn't the real Chris Beniot. I've seen clips of him, and the others inacting with kids from Make A Wish. They are all a bunch of really cool, and caring people. Even the ones that go out to the ring, and make fun of the crowds, and act like assholes in real life are really nice guys, and women that are really cool to meet, and hang out with. This past year I've had some chances to meet a few of them including Vince's son Shane. I've enjoyed meeting every WWE Superstar, and Diva that I've met. Dispite the fact that people knock the company by saying oh it's all fake, and all of the other stuff they say. It is a company full of really cool big hearted people. That do a ton of great charity work. More then I can say for Howard, and his crew. So you will never hear my voice again on air unless they play one of the many retarded prank calls they've or one my many messages that I've left. So in other words this is a 100% goodbye for good.
Howard read through most of the letter and commented on some of his comments. He said that he had Eric on the phone but Gary is the one who called him. Howard told Eric he should have hung up on Gary. Howard said he's already back on the show, his ban only lasted until he called in. Eric said that after today's show he won't call in again.
Howard said that Eric isn't done with the show, he wouldn't have called in if he was really done. Eric went off on Robin and Howard about the segment where they goofed on Chris Benoit. Howard said that guy just killed a little kid. He said ''shame on you'' to Eric about that whole thing. Eric said that he knows that it was a terrible thing to do but it doesn't give anyone the right to knock the guy. Howard asked Eric if he has the right to knock Hitler. Eric said that Hitler did much worse than Chris Benoit. He killed more people. Howard said that he can make fun of Chris Benoit for killing his wife and son.
Howard said that Eric needs to get a life because he's worshiping guys who wear tights. He said the guy killed his son and wife and there's nothing there to be praised. He said that Vince McMahon won't even mention the guy's name now. Howard said that Eric will call in again. Eric insists he won't call ever again but Howard and the guys don't believe it.
Eric said he doesn't have to give up going to events and stuff. Howard wanted to see what the fans had to say about that so he let some callers through to comment on it. Eric got all pissed off at the fans who were calling in. He was yelling at them and calling them names. One guy asked him why he keeps calling in if he hates the radio show so much. Eric said that someone has to set this idiot (Howard) straight. Howard was talking about how many things they've hooked him up with over the years but Eric was bragging that he hadn't asked for any money since they left K-Rock.
Eric was claiming that the TV show ''Two and a Half Men'' was better and funnier than Howard's show. One caller told Howard that Eric is a great guy on the show and he doesn't want him to go. Some callers told Howard to just get rid of the little guy. One guy called him a homo which Eric defended. One guy said that there's no way Eric won't call into the show again. Howard said that if Eric is going to claim that he's never calling again, he's going to keep him off the show so when he does call back, he's not going to let him on.
Howard said that he knows Eric is a man of his word but he doesn't think he knows himself that well. He believes that he will call back. Howard said he's going to call off the date between Eric and Brandy Taylor. Fred said that if Eric was serious, he would have sent just one line and given it up. He's looking for attention for this whole thing. Howard asked Eric if he wants to take this back now, because he will play it back when he does call back.
Howard said that they don't even need Eric to call in, they have clips of him that they can play. He played some of those and told Eric that they don't even need him now. Howard told Eric ''Bye forever!'' and said he knows that Eric will never be able to avoid the show for long. Eric was still on the phone. He said he's going to prove that he won't call in again and not show up at Scott Ferrall's appearance at the Arco Arena. Howard said he doesn't have to do that but they can turn him away if he wants. Eric said he wouldn't be turned away. Howard told Eric it's been nice knowing him and figured he'd hung up by that point. Howard said they'll see what happens.
Lisa mentioned they have a new Page 69 story about how Jason and JD are battling. Jason is upset about some of the stuff JD has said about him on the Intern Show. Howard said that Jason has a normal personality while JD is kind of wacky. JD came in so Howard talked to him about his lack of confidence. That led to the guys talking to him about his sex life and trying to find out how many chicks he's been with. Howard asked JD who his first chick was. JD said that the girl had come up with the Bunny Ranch people one time.
Jason came in and said that JD gets killed every time he's on the Intern Show. He gets pissed off at him for no reason. Howard said that JD is a nice looking guy but he's weird. He said that he's mumbling and not able to speak. He told him to talk to Lisa like he's meeting her in a bar. He wanted to see him acting normal. He and Lisa had a little banter going on and JD could kind of carry on a conversation. Howard had Lisa tell him that she was dating Jason to bust JD's balls a little bit.
Jason said that JD acts very weird around some of the interns. He said that one of the hot interns walks by and says hello to him but JD just says ''whatever'' when she does that. JD said he's just goofing around when he does that.
Joey said it looks like Artie has gained a lot of weight lately. Artie said that it's very nice that he's concerned but he's also concerned about Joey dating an attempted murderer. Howard mentioned to Amy that Joey has said a lot of bad things about her over the years and he wondered why she'd be with him. Howard said that when Amy shot Mary Jo in the face, she was in love with Joey. He wondered if that ever went away. She said it was too early in the morning to be talking about this stuff.
Howard asked Amy if she feels guilty at all being with this guy whose wife she shot in the face. She said they try to keep this stuff a secret (WHAT?) and don't talk about it. Howard asked her to swear that she's actually having sex with Joey. He told her to swear to god that she was having a romantic relationship with him. She wouldn't do it. She said that they get along really well and have some fun together.
Howard said that they had Joey's children on the show and they're disgusted with him. Amy had no idea about that. Howard said that the kids are upset that Joey is dating the woman who shot their mother in the face. David Krieff was on the phone and told Howard he was being very negative this morning.
Howard said that Joey's kids said that they don't hear from their father. Joey said that's not true and he did hear from his son who left him a message one day. He said that it seems that he can't move on with his life like Mary Jo did. He said that she can move on but she won't let him move on. Howard said that it's a little different when he goes off with the woman who shot his wife in the face.
Robin asked Amy if she's going to introduce her kids to Joey. Amy kept repeating that she's not going to discuss her kids with them. She said that she would never bring anyone horrible into their lives. She said that her husband isn't happy with what she's doing but they were already separated before she started seeing Joey. She said that they've always been attracted to each other.
Amy said that she's tried to live her life as a decent person for the past 15 years and she's doing fine. She said her priority is her children at this point. She said that her husband isn't thrilled that she has Joey over to her house these days but that had nothing to do with the demise of her marriage. Howard asked them how often they're having sex. Amy said that she hasn't gotten out of bed lately and Joey has been there for her. Howard asked how often it is but they were joking about everything and not really answering.
The guys asked if Joey ever comes on Amy's face or treats her like shit. She didn't seem to want to talk about that. Gary came in and told Howard that the reason they were calling today is because there's a video tape of Amy doing a nude lap dance for Joey out there. Gary said that Amy's husband is so upset about it that he's going to release hours and hours of tape of them having sex. Amy said that he's in the video business and she thought she could trust him to keep it secret.
Howard said that he thinks that Amy and Joey are not having sex and the husband is taking the pornos to put them out there and make it seem like she's against it. Gary said he was supporting that theory because David Krieff was offering him as a guest. David said that wouldn't be until tomorrow though. Howard asked if they're really a couple and if they're really dating. Amy said that they are but also talked about what a fuck head Joey was last year when they did the Entertainment Tonight special.
Howard asked Amy if she would respect the wishes of Mary Jo if she asked her not to do this in respect of her children. She said she's not sure about that. Howard said that Mary Jo helped get Amy out of prison early so she must feel she owes her something. Amy said that she only got her out about 6 months early so it wasn't that big of a deal, but she does think that Mary Jo is a wonderful woman.
Howard wanted to take some phone calls but Joey and Amy didn't want him to do that. He went on to ask Amy if Joey had sex with her when she was underage. She quickly said yes but Joey then claimed that he didn't know that she was underage if he did have sex with her when she was underage. Amy said that it was getting too heavy for her and she wanted to get off the phone. Howard kept it up and tried to get some answers out of her. She was ready to hang up though. David told her not to and told Howard to lighten up. Howard asked if Joey put her into prostitution. She said that he didn't do that and of course she lied about some of the stuff that happened back then. She said that she lied about him giving her herpes as well. She said that he didn't put her into a life of prostitution or anything like that. She was just trying to say horrible things about him since he was saying horrible things about her.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he thought that he was dreaming hearing this. He couldn't believe that the two of them were together. Robin asked why they have a producer with them every time they call in. Amy said that David is more of an agent than a producer. Amy said that she does other things and David monitors what people say about her. Howard brought up Mary Jo and said he hopes that she can get through this.
Dominic said that whatever they decide to do is their thing but they can't say that Mary Jo profited off all of this like David was saying. Dominic said that wasn't fair because she was the victim in all of this. She was the one who was shot in the face. Dominic said that whatever Joey and Amy do is their business. He said that he and Mary Jo got Amy out of jail. He explained that Mary Jo is having a nice, regular life and she's really not profiting off of this tragedy. He said that he was the one who got Amy out of jail, he and Mary Jo worked hard on that. He asked David to not take Mary Jo into this whole thing. Amy said she doesn't do that. David said that he's never said anything negative about her at all. Howard said that he has kind of said that she has tried making money off of that whole thing though.
Howard said that Joey and Amy are there to announce that they're a couple and they're working on a Pay-per-view special for In Demand. David said that they were working with ''your guys'' to Howard so Howard corrected him saying that the people at In Demand aren't ''his guys'' he just has a show on their service.
Fred called David out after he made a comment about Howard and said that what David is doing with this woman who shot a woman in the face is just wrong. He said that they're trying to profit off of this whole tragedy when David is accusing Mary Jo of profiting. Amy said that they're not profiting though. Fred said they're working on a Pay-per-view event, they're going to profit off of that. Fred was going off on them saying that he thinks that he doesn't think that David has a human bone in his body. He also brought up Joey having sex with Amy when she was underage. Fred said that he raped her and there's no way around that even if Amy thinks that she's forgiven him, the law hasn't. He said he would never get over that if it happened to his daughter.
Howard asked Joey if he loves Amy. Joey paused and Amy went off on him for not coming right out and saying it. Howard said that must have been like a sock in the head for her. Amy said it might be time for her to go. She seemed upset about him not saying that he loved her. She seemed very upset with him over that. Howard kept asking Joey if he was in love with her and he would dodge the question. Amy said that she's not in love with him anymore after that. Amy said she's not stupid, she's just enjoying this for the moment. Howard wrapped up with them and let them go after that.
Howard said that this was the weirdest story he's ever heard. He can't imagine that Joey is dating the girl who shot his wife in the face. Artie said that David Krieff is just one level above people who molest kids. He said that he's the lowest form of human scum. Gary said that those three are the worst actors out there because this all comes off as being fake. Howard said he can't believe the way Joey is blowing off his kids for this whole thing. Artie said that his daughter was on the show saying she can't date a guy because of her father. Howard had to take a break after that. Artie threw in one more comment and said that he thinks that Amy is a big dummy and David is taking advantage of her. Gary said she's really not dumb though. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard had the guys bring in this guy The Sim who was there to try and get a date with Robin. He's called the show many times and he asked yesterday if he could get a date with her. Howard said that he's a good looking dude and doesn't really look like Shuli. Howard asked Robin if she could be attracted to a guy like that. Robin said she didn't know how to answer that because she was being put on the spot.
The Sim said that Robin was looking beautiful today. Howard said Robin seemed to be a little nervous this morning and maybe love was creeping in. The Sim brought in some meat and vegetables for her this morning. He also brought in some coffee for her. Robin said that wasn't the right thing for him to bring in for her, that's not the kind of humor she's looking for.
Howard asked Sim to describe what kind of date he'd have with Robin. He talked about brining her to Nobu since they talk about it on the show. Robin said that she likes Nobu. Howard said it seems like Robin doesn't like him but Robin said that she really doesn't know him so she can't dislike him. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy has a lot of homosexual tendencies. The guy was calling in from RockysRubberRoom.com. Sim said that the guy on the phone was kind of creepy. They have a bunch of stern fans over there at the web site though.
Howard and Robin asked Sim if he's really getting divorced. He said he is. The caller told Howard to make him show his back because he has a lot of hair on it. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard that Chris Benoit's wife may have killed their kid. Howard said that he doesn't know what went on there, he was just talking to Eric the Midget about that whole thing earlier.
Howard told Sim that he was an annoying guy and everything was in a monotone. Gary said that Scott DePace told him that things would work better if they put Robin on the couch next to him. Howard told Sim that this doesn't seem to be working out very well. He told him that if he's serious, he'll give him a couple of minutes to talk to her alone. Sim said he'd love that and told Robin that he'd love to go out to dinner with her. Robin told him that was sweet of him. He went on to talk to her about taking her out to a club and then maybe back to her house where she has all of those pictures of herself hanging on the wall.
Artie asked Sim if he ever changes the volume of his voice. He said he doesn't because he doesn't want to sound all whiny and Jewy. He said he's actually had people come up to him on the street and ask him if he's a Jew. Howard said that the evening doesn't sound all that bad to him. He did start goofing on his monotone delivery though. Artie got in on that and joked about how Sim would put her in a 50 gallon drum to watch her decompose.
Howard asked Claudia why Sal was attacking her. Sal said that he was sorry about attacking The Sim. He went on to talk about this emotional friend bullshit. He said that it's all bullshit and he doesn't buy it. Sal then went off on Claudia for doing this emotional friend thing. He was yelling at her but Howard figured he was taking out his own aggravation with his wife on this woman. Sal said that she should just admit that she's a cheater and a whore. Sal said that he's talking in general about this whole thing.
Howard said that Sal seems to have finally cracked and all of this stuff is getting to him. Sal said that he doesn't mean to call Claudia a whore and a pig but they should just admit that they betrayed their guys. Howard said that Sal was the one saying that it was his own fault that his wife went where she did. Sal admits that he's cracking now because of all of this bullshit. He said he's sick of jumping through hoops for his marriage. Howard said that Will is the guy who made these points to him recently. Sal said that he's angry and he's trying to get it out. Howard told The Sim that this was a bad idea to have him in.
Howard said that Sal was just saying that he's been jumping through hoops to save his marriage and now it seems like Sal is realizing what's really going on. Robin said that Sal seems to be seeing that he was wronged there and now it remains to be seen if he's going to have a voice in that marriage. He said that he's giving it 120 percent right now and he really needs to see some signs that things are getting better. He doesn't want to be looked at as an employee. He said he wants to live like a man and all of this anger is coming out of his commitment to his family. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he was talking about all of this. He said he's just doing what he can to try and make this thing work.
The Sim kept talking to Robin as this was going on so Howard told him he might want to shut up. Sal just had a breakdown and Sim was talking about Robin giving him eyes. Howard asked Sal about how the therapy is going and if things are working out. Sal said that he doesn't seem to be getting any affection back from his wife. He said it's very robotic right now. Fred told him it may take time. Sal said he knows that. He was hoping that it was going to come faster.
Howard told Sal that maybe his wife isn't feeling the love for him right now so he may have to jump through a lot more hoops after this. Sal said that it's been very hard over the past 6 weeks. Artie said that when he and Dana were going through stuff after his heroin thing, he had to get out because he didn't want to be in that ''checklist'' type of relationship. He didn't want to go through it and he didn't want her to go through it.
Sal has kids so the story is a little different. Howard said that there are a lot of ''ifs'' in that relationship Sal has. Howard said that he's fucked up relationships in his life and they can take years to fix, and sometimes they just can't be fixed.
Howard told Sal that he's in it for the long haul. Fred asked Sal how long he's willing to be in it because six weeks isn't all that long. Sal said that he needs to see something in return at some point. Howard said that Christine is probably still trying to get over losing that emotional friend so this could take years to get over.
Sal was telling the guys what he's been doing to try and make his wife happy but he's feeling like a door mat. He said they went out on Saturday night and he got all dressed up and tried to look nice for her. He said that he was going to tell her how good she looked but then she made a comment to him where she asked him ''What, no t-shirt tonight?'' as a little dig at him. He said that he wanted to yell at her but he knew he couldn't do that. He said he wanted to yell at her about her emotional friend but he just held it in until they went to therapy. He said he doesn't feel worthy around her when stuff like that happens. He said it's really tough to go through that stuff.
Gary asked Sal if his wife is taking enough responsibility for him. Sal said that she's really not taking enough in his opinion. He said that she was willing to go through this therapy thing and end things with the emotional friend. Sal said she ended the friendship but he's really not 100 percent sure that she isn't talking to the guy now. He said that he's 99.9 percent sure but there's that little thing in the back of his head telling him that she still could be talking to him.
Howard and the guys were talking about all of this stuff that Sal has to go through in his marriage. The Sim said that the problem is that people change over time and they drift apart. Sal said that he fell in love with Christine in college and he knew he was going to marry her when he saw her. He said that guys will do anything to get down the pants of a woman they're after and he knows that. He said that he's been laying off of his wife to give her some space. Howard said that she wants a guy who will agree with her that he's a schmuck. Sal said he knows that and he's told her he knows that she married an asshole. Robin said that Sal is going to have to forgive her for what she did. Robin told Sal that he really has to stay committed for the long term or let Christine know that he's just in it for the short haul.
Howard told Sal that his wife might be confused too and she may not even know what she wants out of this whole thing. Artie told him to keep going to therapy and torture himself for a while. Howard said it could go on for years. Robin said that things might just happen all of a sudden and then he'll realize that it's all worked.
Sal said he knows of other people who have gone through similar things and he's blown away when he finds out. Howard wrapped up things with The Sim telling him that he can't see him with Robin. Robin said he came in there kind of goofy so that's not the way to woo Robin. Sal told him that his segment was so bad that Howard had told him to come in and flip out just to make it interesting. He was kidding of course but his thing did make it more interesting.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that what Sal said about not wanting to be treated by an employee was very touching. He wanted to leave his own wife when he heard that.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about The Sim. Robin said it was a pleasure to meet him and thanked him for coming in. Howard figured she was going to run back to Mr. X really fast after this. He went on to ask her if she would date The Sim or JD if she had to pick one. Robin thought about it for a few seconds. She said that she'd have to go with The Sim. JD lost out again. Howard said that The Sim rubs him the wrong way but Robin picked him over JD. JD had come in so Howard broke the news to him. He said that The Sim seems to be a little bit more polished than JD. He's got a look. JD said he doesn't care about having a look, he's got other things to worry about. He said that he can't sit and stare at himself in a mirror all day long.
Howard told JD to keep looking for a woman out there. There has to be someone for him, she might be in a mental institution but she's out there. Howard told JD he needs to get his hair cut because he looks like the guy who sweeps up cum at the booths.
Artie asked Robin to pick between Richard Christy or The Sim to date. Robin said she'd have to go with The Sim again. Howard then asked her to pick between Jason or The Sim. Robin said she's gone out with Jason, not romantically, but she has gone out. She said that she would kill herself if she had to be with some of these guys. She chose Jason over The Sim. She also picked Sal. She said she'd pick Howard over the Sim of course. She also picked Benjy over The Sim. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that Sal made a new prank call to a pizza place where he gives a last name that never ends. He quickly played that call where Sal just keeps going on and on with letter after letter in his last name... ''Trankyftrkpca.. rw3enca'' and on and on. He eventually gives him the last letter of O which was ''Oh man are you fuckin stupid.''
Howard said this next guest, Denny Somach, is a guy he used to worship. He used to program a radio station that he wanted to be on years ago. He said he knows all kinds of radio information that he doesn't even know. He asked Denny when he got involved in the radio business. Denny said he was about 17 or 18. He went on to talk about some of the shows he used to produce in the years past. He mentioned a bunch of popular shows he used to produce and mentioned that he was asked to do a thing for Howard Stern back when he was at WNBC. Howard said he wanted to get his show syndicated back then but they ended up taking his idea and gave it to Soupy Sales instead. He said he flipped out on them about that. Denny said that they told him that he went and worked on a special for Howard to get him the syndicated show but it was the week he got fired. He said that they were going to go through with it up until he got fired.
Howard gave Denny a plug for his web site ClassicRockCentral.com and Denny said that he had all of this stuff they were about to talk about up on the site if the audience wanted to follow along. Howard said that Denny was going to show them some examples of how it appears that Led Zeppelin stole almost every one of their songs from other bands. They took credit for writing those songs for years but now Atlantic Records has started crediting the original writers on their latest Greatest Hits album.
Howard had Denny present them the evidence. The first song was ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You'' which may have been ripped off from Joan Baez's performance of an Anne Bredon song. Howard played the original song and then the Led Zeppelin song which was very similar. Fred said that he read the lyrics and it does look like they stole the songs word for word.
Howard played both songs and listened to how similar they were. Of course the Zeppelin stuff was rockin' while the Joan Baez was pretty mellow. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this stuff had changed his opinion of the band now.
Howard went to the next song ''Dazed and Confused.'' Howard played a Jake Holmes song which was the one that appears to have been ripped off by Zeppelin. Howard played the Zeppelin cover of the song and it was like a direct rip off. Denny said he had a story about Jake Holmes to tell too. He said that Jake said that 17 years went by before he found out about this. He said that Jake was an unknown person and he had gone into the jingle business and wrote the ''Be All You Can Be'' jingle for the Army and some other things. Jake was also in a comedy trio with Joan Rivers for a while. He got out of the music business for a while and didn't know about the song being ripped off. He said that The Yardbirds are back together and perform the song but they do give Jake credit now.
Howard moved on to the next song which was a rip off of ''Blackwater Side'' which was changed to ''Black Mountain Side.'' Fred asked if it's possible that even the other performers didn't write those songs. Denny said it's possible but they should have had a disclaimer on the songs if that was the case.
Howard played a few more clips of examples of riffs that could have been ripped off. There were many examples that sounded like songs that could have been ripped off. One of them was the ''Stairway to Heaven'' opening that appeared to be ripped off from another band. It was a good cover of the song but they were just doing the originals better.
A caller said that this is awful for Jimmy Paige because he's such a great guitarist. He said that it's just wrong to make these guys look bad because there are other bands that covered old songs. Howard said that bands like The Beatles would credit the other guys that they covered.
Denny said that he was there today to pitch a show idea to Tim Sabean. He wants to cover this stuff on some shows. Vinnie Favale called in and suggested some other songs that they could use but they didn't have them all ready to listen to. Howard thanked Vinnie for calling but told him that he's sucking in too many bus fumes.
Howard told Denny he had to wrap things up. Denny asked Howard if he knew where he was 30 years ago today. Denny said that he knew that Howard was actually at a Zeppelin concert with Ted Utz and he tracked down his ticket stub. Howard said that's right. He remembered going to the concert and leaving early. Even 30 years ago he was leaving events early. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard talked about how he liked that Led Zeppelin stuff they were talking about. Howard said he had some callers who wanted to talk about how upset they were hearing those songs. Howard said he just wanted to throw it all out there for everyone. He said that if you're not into it you can tune into Howard 101 and listen to what they were talking about a few hours before. Howard said he did that himself the other day when he was listening.
Howard mentioned that there was some huge deal about the Stanley Cup being raised above Gary's head. It's apparently something you're not supposed to do if you're not on the winning team. That led to Howard playing a Howard 100 News clip where Steve Langford reported on what Gary had done wrong on Ferrall's show. You hear all of these people telling him he'd just done wrong like he was a little kid.
Howard said Gary should have known better than to do that. Gary said he thought it was an urban legend but he didn't think they'd take it that seriously if he did it.
Howard forgot what day it was and thought it was only Tuesday. He was happy that it was Wednesday and couldn't wait for the weekend. He said he hates the weekdays because he's always walking around tired. He said he feels like a vampire sleeping when it's still light out and stuff like that.
Howard said that Larry King called Ringo ''George'' at one point during his show the other night. Paul got pissed even though Ringo didn't seem to care. Howard played some audio form the show where Paul went off on Larry for screwing up and forgetting his name. Howard said it seems like Ringo was happy he had someone talking to him and didn't care that Larry had screwed up.
Steve also mentioned that Riley has a new product out which is a piss bottle. It's available on RileyMartin.tv. Steve ran through a couple of other stories that they'll have today and then Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap UP Show preview.
Jon Hein said they'll be talking about Sal cracking during The Sim's visit. They'll also talk about Denny Somach's visit and also about Joey and Amy Fisher's call today.
Steve the Intern came in with his Intern Show preview. He said that they'll be talking about some things that have been going on around the show. They'll also have High Pitch Mike on the show to talk about what's been going on with him. Howard said he's thinking of hooking Mike up with a date like they tried to do with Robin today.
Howard and Artie got a little sidetracked when they started talking about some songs. That led to Howard replaying Artie singing an Anne Murray song on the show one time. Howard told him he should sing that song to Sal. They talked about Sal cracking today and how maybe he needed a blow job... That maybe Robin could give him.
Richard came in and told Howard about this tape he found of The Iron Sheik slapping around his manager. Howard watched that and then talked to Richard about how he was going to be going around and booking himself in any hotel room around the country that's rumored to be haunted. Howard said that's the plot of the movie ''1408'' and Richard said he can't wait to see that movie, he loves stuff like that. Howard said that's a really weird thing to do. Richard said he loves the whole aura of stuff like that. He said that he and his girlfriend love doing stuff like that. They did it last year around Halloween time and went to a bunch of haunted houses and stuff like that as well.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about the Larry King interview with Paris Hilton. He said it was making him sick just knowing that he was hanging on every word of Paris' when he really shouldn't care. Howard said Larry didn't call her out on anything during the interview either. He said that she'd never show up there on his show because he'd really hit hard with his questioning. He suggested that they sentence people like that to interviews with him when they get out of jail.
Howard said Larry didn't bring up Paris' home sex video. Gary said he heard Paris talking about going to a lot of board meetings and stuff in that interview. Howard said that she got famous because of her porn movie, that's it. Howard said he was going to play some clips from the show and the first one was Paris giving Larry her favorite bible verse. She said that she wasn't allowed to bring the bible in with her so she had to buy one. She told Larry that she didn't have a favorite passage to give him. Larry also asked her if she was going to go to mass and she said she might.
Howard said Shaq was helping out this one kid by having the other kids run with him because he's the slowest of the group. He just wanted him to feel a sense of being in a team so he slowed down everyone else. Jon Hein came in and said the show is on every week this summer. Jon said that they give the kids their body fat index and some of them were 50 percent. Howard said that there was one fat kid with zits that looked like he might be slow or something.
Howard said that some of the boys have titties that are as big as Robin's. Robin laughed but Howard said he was serious. He said that one of them had perfectly shaped C-cup titties. Artie asked how old they are. Jon guessed that they were between 11 and 14. Howard said that they're not just little tits, they're full sized cucumber tits.
Howard said he also read Don Rickles book and now he can brag that he's been reading a lot lately. Artie said he's been reading books about different cities in New Jersey like Atlantic City, Jersey City and Newark. He said he also read one about Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Howard said Artie seems to be obsessed with Jersey. Robin thinks that he's one of those guys who would cheer on The Tonight Show if a guy mentions New Jersey.
Howard got back to the Larry King, Paris Hilton clips. Paris talked about the food she ate while she was in jail. She brought up a bologna sandwich that she'd eat for lunch. She had some ''jail slop'' for dinner. Artie said that he had those bologna sandwiches and it's not even really bologna, it looks like olive loaf or something and it's the color of maroon.
Howard played a couple more clips of Paris talking about her jail sentence. She said she feels stronger than ever after serving her time. She thinks that it was a blessing in disguise. Howard said that she's a weird chick. Howard found another clip where she talks about her mystery illness that led to her release a few days after she went into jail for the first time. Paris talked about having panic attacks because she has claustrophobia. Howard said that no one likes small jail cells, he's pretty sure of that. Robin said Paris was trying to say some lines to Larry that turned out to be kind of mixed up.
Artie said that she really is a bore and Howard said that's why he resents her success. He read through some of the titles of the clips he had to listen to and one of them was Paris talking about her first jail note. Robin told him to play that. Paris tells Larry about the note and then reads it to him. Larry asks her if she wants to read more and of course she did. The first one was supposed to be a poem but Howard said it didn't rhyme so it wasn't a poem.
Howard said he was watching this Riley Martin special on Howard TV yesterday and it was very odd to see Riley rubbing Richie from Howard TV when he was standing next to him. He said he skipped over a lot of the stuff in the show because he had seen it but it was still compelling TV.
Howard played another clip where Paris was reading the notes she wrote while she was in jail. In this one she talked about the other women in jail and how a lot of them are caught in this viscous circle where they end up homeless and then go back to jail over and over again.
Howard found another clip where Paris talked about how she's still trying to find herself. Larry asked her what she doesn't like about herself. She said her voice getting high when she gets nervous is something she's trying to change. Artie laughed when he heard that. Paris likes her low voice which is very much a monotone.
Gary came in and said there was a web site that listed how many times she said certain words like I, My, Like, Me and I'm. They came up with these numbers:
Howard said that they reported on that night and the reporter got it all wrong. He said this guy Spencer Morgan makes him sound like every other celebrity asshole. He read the story where the guy claims that Howard drove his black Escalade there which wasn't true. Then he says that they drove to the front of the line, Howard said they told his driver to do that. They also claim that Howard dropped off ''Miss Ofstrosky'' which isn't even the right spelling for her name. The reporter claims that Howard didn't want to walk so that's why he dropped off Beth right at the front door.
Howard said that this is no big deal in the terms of his life, but he hates the perception that he's an asshole when that's just not true. He didn't do any of the things they claim he did in the article. Robin and Artie seemed to think that Howard was taking it too hard and it wasn't really that big of a deal. Howard said that even Beth told him that they wrote a shitty article about him so that's what he thinks people's perception is going to be about him. Robin thinks that people are just going to gloss over that stuff.
Howard said he doesn't have a problem being driven right up to the door, but he didn't demand it. He said he wasn't demanding anything that night. He asked Robin what she would think if someone wrote an article about her claiming that she demanded that Dr. Roni make her drinks and clean her colon. Robin said that she would think that was funny but Howard didn't believe that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that the article does make him come off like a pompous ass. She agreed with him about that. She also talked about Paris Hilton and how she'd never watch that show with her on it. Howard said he wasn't even that aggravated by the article. Mariann said that she's going to be out giving away radios this weekend and her husband is doing that for her after she's begged him to do it for a long time now.
Crazy Alice called in for the first time in a long time. Robin said that she thought she was calling in from the grave or something. Alice went on to talk about Eric the Actor who she wanted on the phone. Howard said that Eric isn't calling the show anymore so he can't get him on the line. Alice thought it was odd that Eric quit the show over that child killer Chris Benoit. Howard said that the guy killed his wife and a 7 year old boy and Eric was upset about that. Alice said that he can't be upset about Howard making fun of a guy who killed his wife and son.
Howard put Eric the Midget on the phone but it was just tapes of him. Alice knew immediately that it wasn't the real Eric. They had Eric calling her names and telling her to shut her fat mouth among other things. Alice said hello to Fred and Artie and told them that she loves them. She said that she and Artie have made up so she's not going off on him anymore. She was being very nice today.
Howard told Alice that Eric is all done with the show now so he can't get him on the air anymore. He said that they're not going to call him anymore, it's up to Eric to call in. Howard then said he had Eric on the phone again and the guys played a bunch of his audio clips having Eric yelling at Howard about hanging up on him. They had him telling Alice to shut the fuck up over and over again but she knew it was just tapes. Alice told him to stop fucking around with those tapes. They kept going though so Alice said goodbye to him.
Howard and the guys talked about how Chris Benoit killed his family and himself. They read that the wife was strangled and the kid was killed with a sleeper hold from what the cops said. Howard said the guy's son had some condition that led to him needing the growth hormones. Whatever it was he had makes your cock big. Artie said it must be wrong but he wishes he had that condition even if it meant that he'd be slightly retarded.
Howard said that he had to go to commercial but the fans really liked Sal's new prank call to the pizza shop where he gives the never ending last name. They went to commercial after that.
Brent said he heard that Bob has been doing the shock collar bit on Kidd Chris' show. Brent heard that they were putting it around people's necks which is what they used to do on Bubba's show. They do it with people who think they can sing and they shock them when they suck. Brent said that they actually trademarked that bit back in 2003 because it was such a great bit. Brent said that he now knows how Howard feels when they have their bits ripped off.
Howard asked Brent about this bit that Bob is accused of stealing. Bob said that it wasn't his idea to do it on Kidd Chris' show. He said they were doing that back when Chris was in San Antonio, it didn't just start happening when Chris moved to Philadelphia.
bob said that he wasn't in San Antonio at the time but it was probably a few years ago when they started. He didn't come up with the bit, it was Chris who was doing it. Howard said that it is an original idea and it does suck that it's been ripped off.
Sal came in and said that Chris has been doing that bit of his own for many years. He told Brent that they've been shocking balls and stuff on Jackass for like 10 years now. Howard said that's true because he remembers Johnny Knoxville writing him a letter years ago asking if he could come in and get his balls shocked. Tom turned down the idea and a few years later he saw Johnny doing his Jackass thing. Howard said that maybe Kidd Chris did hear about the shocking from Bubba's show but he's not sure.
Brent said that the dog shock collar thing is their thing. He said that he knows that Kidd Chris is using a tazer and not the shock collar thing. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't imagine that Bob could have ripped off a bit like that. He asked if there's any tape showing that this could have been ripped off.
Brent said that no one in this country was doing that big when they started doing it. He said that they came up with it. Sal asked Brent about them taking the bit where they had guys licking each other's balls like he and Richard did. Brent said they gave them credit for that though. Howard said that he's had the same kind of thing happen to him when he has bits ripped off.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that Brent needs to calm down because he called him out to get into the Bubbagon over something stupid. He went off on Brent and Brent shot right back at him calling him some names. Yucko said he's not going to fight Brent because he knows that Brent would kick his ass. The guys talked about the time Sal had Yucko fooled into thinking that they had two angry black guys back stage to kick his ass. The guys made Yucko apologize to them and say that he was a ''white piece of shit.'' Sal said it was a great piece of tape and they should put that back up on Howard TV. Howard said it should be one of those clips that's always up there.
Brent and Yucko went at each other a little bit. Brent was accusing Yucko of saying that he doesn't listen to Bubba's show ever. Yucko said he never goes on that site. Howard had some conflicting reports about that though. Yucko then admitted he does go on that site but he doesn't post anything about Brent. Yucko ended up calling himself a white piece of shit again before they ended that argument.
Artie asked Bob when he was doing Kidd Chris' show and doing that shock thing. Bob thought that he was doing it as far back as 2002 but he wasn't positive about that. Brent said that they were on XM for a little while doing that bit. Bob said he'd never heard of the show until Howard mentioned it.
Howard said that the show that pisses him off is the ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' show because that's like a direct rip off of a bit they've done on the show for years. Howard told Brent that he really likes this University of Bubba shirt that they put out. Brent said that the shirt is like what they have at colleges. Sal pointed out that Bubba stole that idea from colleges.
Gary said that Benjy pitched an idea back in 1998 where they were going to shock some people who wanted to come in and sing. That was way back in 1998 so it is possible that these people came up with the same ideas. Brent said that Bubba was really upset about this whole thing but he decided not to let Bubba call in and told him he'd take care of it.
Howard asked Bob about his days when he was wrestling. He wondered if he could get back into that because he seems to be out of shape. Bob said that he could get back into shape no problem and get back into that. He said that Kidd Chris used to wrestle too so maybe they should have the two of them on with the Iron Sheik.
Brent said that when he heard Bob going off on Artie recently that's what led to him bringing up this whole ripping off thing. Howard wrapped up with Brent and Bob and told everyone to listen to Brent from 3-7 on Bubba's show today. Brent mentioned some of the stuff they're going to be doing and Bob joked that they're going to be doing the same thing on the Kidd Chris Show today at 3 (on WYSP in Philly).
Howard said that Sal and Richard invented the ball licking thing. Howard said he had a copy of the trademarked Shock Collar Karaoke thing that Brent was talking about. He seemed to find that kind of funny.
Fred said he thinks that Joey will admit he's gay. Howard asked if anyone has screened what the revelation was. Gary said that he and Will know what it is. Shuli said he's friend with Joey but he doesn't know what this is. He said that he thinks it must be something gay.
The guys talked about what else his revelation could possibly be. He said that maybe Joey is going to reveal a crime he committed or something like that. He had to go to break after that.
Howard ha Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said she just saw Beth on the local NBC news and she wasn't wearing her ring. Howard wondered what that means because she seems to be forgetting it quite a bit lately. Robin and Lisa were talking about how maybe she takes it off to clean dishes or something. Howard said that's possible, she likes to clean. Howard told Gary to get her on the phone so she can explain where her ring is. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody while that was going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested they take Joey Boots' segment and put that on the Who Gives a Shit Channel. Another guy said that his revelation is that besides the Stern show, he has no life. Howard said that they could either talk to Joey or talk to Artie about his Starbucks order.
Gary told Howard that Beth was on the phone so he picked that up. Howard told Beth that Lisa had just seen her on the news. Beth said that they want her to be a regular over there. She said that they just had a great story about some dogs that were rescued from a place recently. She said the dogs are adoptable right now. She said that last week she did some summer pet safety tips for that NBC show.
Howard said Beth is really good when she does that stuff. Beth told a story about how she had a tick on her recently and before she could even get it off, Howard was asking her to check him for ticks.
Beth told Howard that her ring was taken off on purpose because she was being very cautious because she was handling the dogs over at NBC. She said she had it on as she was talking to Howard now. Beth said that she's going to get Bianca microchipped today because it's really necessary to get it done. She said that they really need to do that for her. Howard said he was thinking about getting a chip put into Beth so he can keep track of her.
Howard asked Beth if she's still into the engagement thing. Beth said she is. She said her mother, Judy, was there with her too so Howard asked to talk to her. He wanted to talk to her about how she hung up on Beth the first time she found out that Beth was dating him. She said that she did hang up on her daughter that day. She said a lot of stuff was going through her mind that day and she figured that he was just after her for other reasons. Howard said that he was always very honorable and Judy agreed with him about that. She said that she didn't go to church like Beth said she did. She didn't talk to her for a couple of days and it wasn't a couple of weeks.
Judy said that she seems to remember that it was Mother's day when Beth broke the news to her. She said that she went to New York and met Howard and fell in love with him. She said she only knew Howard by his reputation which wasn't all that great. Judy said it took her a little while to get over the whole thing but she loves Howard now.
Howard asked Judy what his reputation was. She said that she knows him now so that doesn't matter. Robin asked her what it was back before she knew him. She said she didn't even want to say. Beth grabbed the phone away from her mother and asked Howard what he was asking her. He said that Beth regulates every call with her mother.
Beth said that she won't even let Howard give her his e-mail. Howard said that he thinks it's time to do that but Beth refused to let him do that. Howard said he wants to be able to talk to her mother about stuff. Beth knew that he was just saying that to drive her nuts.
Howard asked Beth if she's going to do the NBC thing. She said she'll do it occasionally. Lisa said that she thinks Beth should host that show. She thinks she's really good on the show. Howard said that he wanted to lay in bed last night with her but she had to go read her talking points for today's NBC show. He let Beth go a short time later.
Lisa asked Howard when the wedding is going to happen. He said that they're actually talking about doing a real wedding but he knows that Robin is going to laugh at him over that. Robin told him he really should do it. Howard said he can hear Robin laughing at him already. Fred played some wedding music and some of Robin's laughs thrown in there. Artie wanted to sit at the same table as Robin and The Sim. He said that he lost sleep thinking about that dude last night. He said that guy was really creeping him out.
Howard said he mentioned this sponsor, Live Outside the Bottle, earlier and got it wrong when he said it was Live Outside the Box.
Lisa G got back to her news report and said that JD's dad brought him to a Cincinnati Reds game and had him check out the big screen there because they had a ''Welcome JD Harmeyer from the Howard Stern Show'' line up there. That led to Howard playing a song parody that Steve the Intern put together where he had all of the interns who turned JD down in the F, Marry Kill games they play on that show. Howard thought that was pretty good.
Lisa G said that they have a story about how there are a lot of stickers showing up around New Orleans reading ''Wake up White People'' which was made famous by Wack Packer Daniel Carver.
Richard went to the gay stuff during that call so Howard talked about how he always goes to that gay shit. He said that Richard suggested something gay during a break the other day when the guy and his wife were up there to get a tour of the studio. He said Richard suggested they get the guy naked and he's always going to the gay material. Richard came in and said that he likes to mix it up like that. Howard said that it's always gay stuff though. Artie asked Richard if he thinks it would be funny if a guy tripped and fell into his mouth with his cock. Richard said that would be kind of funny.
Howard said that a listener sent in a song called ''Emotional Friend'' which was about Sal. He played the song and thought it was pretty good. Richard said he likes Gary's song better so Howard played that one as well.
Howard said that Riley called in and left a message asking to come on the show live. In the message Riley said that he would like to be in the studio live since they haven't been in for a long time. He wants to bring in his partners from his show too. Howard asked Robin if they should have him on. Artie said he's never met him so he'd love to see him there. Robin said they should have him in.
Howard said that Riley is always saying ''Uhhhhh'' because he's always searching for big words to say. He did his impression of him and Fred played a bunch of clips of Riley's ''Uhh'' lines. Howard said they really should have him in. They have a Riley Martin special on Howard TV so he mentioned that quickly. He also mentioned some of the other shows they have up on Howard TV now. They have a Miss Howard Stern special up there as well. Howard ran down a long list of stuff they have up there.
Howard said it's odd how the Sheik says he hates fags but he wants to fuck that guy in the ass. Gary came in and said that he heard that Sheik was on the gay channel when they were up there and he ended up yelling out faggot and stuff like that on that show. Howard played the audio from that show where Sheik was yelling out all of this gay stuff and going off on Hulk Hogan and some other guy.
Howard played some audio from Scott Ferrall's show where the Iron Sheik went off on a caller who was pretending to be Randy Savage. The impression sucked but Iron Sheik flipped out on him thinking it was really him. Howard played a new song parody that had those Iron Sheik clips in it.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his amazing Scott Ferrall impression. Howard told him that it was pretty amazing. Howard kept him on for a couple of minutes before letting him go. He had to take a break after that. He mentioned that Joey was coming in to reveal something soon so he ran down the list of the things that they came up with earlier. They were almost all guessing it was something gay.
Artie said that he hates to push the Starbucks thing but they have an album they're selling that has Jimi performing a song live that was just awesome. Howard said that they never would have sponsored a guy like that when he was alive. That led to Howard saying that Jimi probably would have ended up being Riley Martin if he had lived.
Artie said that he was walking through Hoboken when he saw this 10 walking down the street. She ends up telling him that she was JD's roommate for a year. Of course JD never got anything off of her. JD said that she had a boyfriend at the time. She was hardly there anyway. He said that he never beat off to her but Howard called him a liar. Artie said he jerked off to her the day he met her.
JD said he didn't have any privacy when he was living with that chick. He said he'd see her in sweatpants and stuff like that. Howard told him to come clean and admit he beat off to her. JD just laughed. Artie said he doesn't think he could deal with living with someone like that. Howard said the boyfriend probably had to okay him as a roommate. JD said it wasn't like that.
Howard asked JD if they're going to let them film at his apartment or not. JD said it's too much of a mess, he doesn't want them to do it. He said it'll give people more to goof on him about. Fred started playing some Hawaiian music so Howard remembered that JD's family reunion is coming up. He said they really need to get a camera on that. JD said it's in August sometime and he doesn't think the camera thing is happening.
Howard did his impression of JD's mom and her Hawaiian boyfriend. He joked that his mother is going to say he looks the same as he did the last time she saw him, 7 years ago. JD said he thinks things will be fine. Richard came in and got in on the goofing by giving him some names that his Hawaiian step-dad might say to him.
Richard said he wants to bring JD out to Coney Island and hang out. He said he's also going to try to get up to his apartment to see what's going on there. Richard said that JD got pissed last week when they were goofing on him by getting him some Jack and Cokes and fooled him into thinking that he was getting drunk. JD said he was waiting for his head to start spinning and it never happened. That led to JD saying that he met a chick who knows actress Katherine Heigl and that he had told her to give her his number. That got the guys laughing and Howard doing his impression of JD.
Richard brought up the crappy food that JD used to eat. Howard said that JD eats a lot of that McDonalds crap. He had him lift his shirt to show off his fat belly. He said he didn't look so bad but he was a little soft. Will came in and said that two girls beat JD at arm wrestling when they were out at a bar last week. Tracy the office manager actually beat him so Howard asked him if that makes him want to go to the gym. JD mumbled something and didn't really answer.
Howard asked JD if he can do 10 push-ups. JD claimed he could so they had him get on the floor to do it. He managed to do it so Howard wondered how a girl beat him at arm wrestling. JD said he's a wimp, that's why he lost. Howard wondered if Robin could beat him. Robin said she'd do it with right arms. They wondered where they could set that up. Howard said he wants this regulated so no one was cheating. He told Robin to just take him right down.
JD and Robin got up and went over to a table to do the arm wrestling thing. Robin wasn't comfortable but neither was JD. Howard had Will count it off and then watched as Robin took JD down. It didn't happen right away but Robin fought and won. She took JD down after about 15 seconds or so. Artie said it was never even a challenge. JD said his arm got tired. Artie said that Robin just went 24 days without eating and she still beat him. He also said that he just dropped below a 1 on a scale of 10.
Gary said that Lindsay the Intern thinks she could beat him too. JD said he's tired of all of this stuff and doesn't want to do it. JD said he doesn't think he could beat her. Gary asked him if he would do it for money. JD said he'd do it ''whatever, fine.'' Robin was goofing on him because he'd just lost to her. Lindsay came in a short time later and Howard said that she couldn't possibly beat him, she's tiny.
Howard said he'd put up $100 for the winner. That was a bit of an incentive for JD to win. Artie threw in another $50. JD ended up taking Lindsay down within a few seconds. Artie asked him what he was doing beating a girl like that. Gary said that he should have beaten her a lot quicker though. Artie said all he could think is that Robin could beat the shit out of Lindsay.
Howard let everyone go and asked JD to think about the filming at his apartment. Artie told him that if he had just done it, this segment never would have happened. Howard said Doug came right to him when he heard that JD didn't want to do it. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard thought Joey was cutting himself because he had scratches all over him. Joey said that's from his cat Timmy. He went on to tell the guys that he's going through some rehab type stuff and he's trying to get off the drugs so one of the things he has to do is be honest with himself. He said that's why he's doing the revelation thing.
Joey said that he's fallen off the wagon a few times since he went to rehab. He said he hasn't done coke for a couple of months but he was drinking a few nights ago. Joey said that he's going to reveal this thing he's been hiding and he wants to get it off his chest.
Joey said that this stuff has gotten him depressed and made him think that he wanted to kill himself in the past. He hasn't been thinking about it much lately but he has told some people about it. Howard told him to go ahead and tell them his revelation. Joey said that he really is gay. He said that he's never given off a hint that he was gay and no one has ever questioned him about it. He said that he's sat in his bed and cried thinking about it. He said that he hasn't had gay sex in a few years but he has done it in the past.
Joey said that he was raped when he was a kid too. He said he never tricked for drugs like Robin was saying he had. Howard asked Artie for his thoughts on this. Artie said he can't believe that he's gay. Howard asked Joey if he's ever beat off to him. Joey said that he's not attracted to him. Joey said that he's attracted to this intern Kevin who works up there. He's also attracted to one of the guys who works on the staff there.
Gary said that Joey was afraid that Shuli was going to be upset with him about this stuff because he's stayed in hotel rooms with him. Shuli said that he did think about that but he's not upset about it. He said Joey has also seen his penis because they had a stripper grabbing their crotches one time out in Vegas.
Robin said that she didn't think this was that big of a revelation. Irish John called in and said that Joey is full of shit and he'll come out and say that he's just bi-sexual and he's just doing this for attention. Joey said that he's like 80-20 with the gay thing. 80 percent gay. Joey said that Irish John is doing the same thing by calling in and calling him out on this. John said that Joey has a track record of doing this stuff and backpeddaling.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he had a revelation too... He over eats. Ha ha. Artie said that this was a little shocking today. Bob Levy called in and said that he's with Joey no matter what happens. He also figured that when he banged Lisa Lampanelli, that's when he was turned over to the gay side.
Joey said that he's attracted to Greg Karmel and if he was willing, he'd make out with him on the air. Greg came in a short time later and said he didn't want to make out, and this was very weird. Joey said that he's not attracted to Sal or Richard but he thinks that Richard might be kind of gay or bi-sexual.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he's not surprised by this at all. He said that Joey always talked about working in a men's bathroom as an attendant and he'd have to be gay to do that. Howard took a call from the guys in the back playing clips of Iron Sheik calling him a faggot.
Boots said that he just came out to his family the other day. He said that he's not going to be hopping on a float or anything like that. He said he's much happier now that he's come out and he's glad that he can tell everyone that he's gay. He said he hasn't done anything for a while now and hasn't sucked a cock in 3 years or so. Joey said that he was hoping that it would just go away but it hasn't so he can't keep fighting those feelings. He said he just has to live his life and not worry about it and torture himself over it.
Howard said that this is what society has done to people, they're afraid to come out because of the way some people might treat them. Howard asked him if he ever tried to get himself ''fixed'' by the churches or anything. Joey said he never did that.
Joey said that he's into making out and giving head and he's tried it all when Artie asked him about it. Artie asked him how many women he's been with. Joey said he was with about 100 broads. He said he was still attracted to guys though. He said that he's only done it with about 6 guys. He said that he's fooled around with maybe 15 or 20 guys total.
Joey said that he stopped doing the gay shit when he got on TV and started to get a little fame. Howard told Joey he's glad he came out because it might make him happier and he might start losing some weight. Joey said that he was getting envious of people who would come out on the show and now he's glad that he's done it.
Kevin the Intern called in and said that he's not attracted to Boots. He sounded very surprised that he was gay. Joey said that he's actually ''tugged it'' to pictures of Kevin that he took. Howard took a few more phone calls for Joey and some guys were telling him that they're proud of him for finally coming out. He had Wood Yi audio clips talking to him asking him gay stuff.
Boots said that he had a job one time where he was a gay phone sex operator. He said he got ten bucks an hour to do that and had all kinds of freaks on the phones. Boots said he can't just have anonymous sex with guys though so he wasn't just going out to rest stops and doing stuff. Yucko the Clown called in and said that Boots is so big that he can't even fit into the closet he came out of.
Howard said he heard that Yucko shared a bed with Joey out in Vegas. Yucko denied it but Joey said he shared it with him for two nights. Joey was also saying that he thinks that High Pitch Mike is in the closet. He said his gaydar went off on him and Richard. Howard asked the guys to get High Pitch Mike in there but Gary said he doesn't think he's there. He also said that his friend was at work and wasn't really listening to the show but then saw the PDT headline that said ''Joey Boots is Gay'' so he had to tune in.
Howard asked Boots if he's ever swallowed a load. Boots said he doesn't really do that, he usually just gets a blow job from another dude. He said he's hardly ever even given another guy head. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and tried to tell him that she's happy for him but Boots told her that her voice is just annoying. He said he does have a lot of anger pent up and he hopes that it goes away.
Howard asked Boots who he was fantasizing about when he was 10 years old. Boots said that he and a neighbor used to fool around and the other kid would blow him. He said he was 10 or 12 years old but he went into denial after that. Boots said that he's jerked off to chicks too though. He said that he likes Taylor Hanson from Hanson. He said that he's so damn pretty and he'd love to do him. He said that Tobey Maguire is another one he likes. He said when he told Toby that a lot of gay men jerk off to his image, he was talking about himself.
Howard asked Joey an F, Marry, Kill game which included Fred, Artie and Gary. Boots said he'd have to kill Fred because of his uncircumcised cock. He had to think and came up with Fuck Gary and Marry Artie. He thinks that Artie would be a better provider. Howard asked him Benjy, Jason or JD. Boots said he'd Fuck JD, Marry Jason and Kill Benjy.
Howard said that he had a $500 prize to give him courtesy of the Man Groomer. Boots said that if anyone out there is interested in him, they can send their pictures to him at JoeyBoots@aol.com. As he was talking about that Sal came running in naked and attacked him. Joey was yelling at him to stop for a few seconds before Sal actually stopped. Boots said that he's been working lately and he got in a plug for the company he's working for, GothamGoldBus.com.
Howard asked Boots if he's attracted to Shuli. Boots said he's not attracted to him but he likes him as a person. He said the same about Scott Ferrall. Ralph called back in and said that they should do a dial-a-date with Joey. Howard said they might have to do that. Ralph was also saying he thinks that Boots is Bi, not gay. Boots said that he's always thinking about guys and dreaming about guys so that's why he thinks he's gay.
Boots said that he's been hitting on Tracy the office manager there and he thinks she likes him. Tracy came in a short time later and said that she's really not into him like that. She said she is kind of flirty with him but that's it.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked what you do if you have a friend that you like being with. He wondered if a guy could love a man and not be with him. Everyone said that's possible, you can love a man and not be gay. Dominic wondered what was so terrible about what Joey was coming out with. Everyone said there was nothing wrong with it, they were proud of Joey. Howard had to hang up on Dominic after he told one too many dumb jokes.
Artie asked Joey about the drug thing and if he told his therapist about it. Joey said that he's going to go to therapy. Artie thinks that he should go to therapy and get some one on one help. Howard asked him how he can tell the guy to do something like that if he won't go to therapy on his own. Artie said that he's going to see Dr. Keith Ablow so he is seeing someone. Artie gave Joey his phone number just in case he wants to call him. Howard wrapped up after that and said he had to take a break.
Boots said that he'd love to go to the theater with Robin sometime. Robin said that would be fun and seemed to be into it. Boots said that he's been faking it all these years and he's glad that he's finally able to do these things. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had Mike move on to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they may have found some classic Ben Stern tape from about 40 years ago. They'll have the tape on the news from a recording session back when he was working on the Tennessee Tuxedo cartoons. Howard said this is a weird story. He said they put all of these old cartoons on DVD and they put some outtakes on this one and you hear his dad on it. He said that his dad was the engineer for those cartoons. He played some of the audio and you hear Ben giving the guys instructions on what they're doing. Ben just tells them what takes they're doing and how much time they have.
Howard said that's weird to hear his father doing that stuff. They had the performers live in the studio recording the opening song for the cartoon and stuff like that. Robin wondered where the tapes came from. Steve said they found the DVD (The Best of Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales) on amazon.com. Ben started to sound pissed off by take six in that recording session.
A caller told Howard that Tennessee Tuxedo was the worst cartoon ever from what he remembers. Howard said that Don Adams was the best though. He said that he was great in Get Smart and anyone who can get a hold of those DVDs should check them out. Artie said he remembered hearing Don Adams on that cartoon. Howard said it really is funny to hear his father on that tape because that was just what he'd hear when he and his family went to those recording sessions that he had tape of.
Howard said his father owned the recording studio back then. He said he never made a lot of money though. He said that another guy owned the place and then there were 5 partners who bought it out. His father made an okay living but it was nothing that spectacular. He said they did live in Roosevelt after all. Howard said it was cool to see his father doing that stuff but he wondered why he treated them so nicely and treated him the way he did.
Ralph called in and said it's no wonder Ben came home annoyed because those songs just kept going over and over again. Howard played the clips and the singers seemed to be getting annoyed themselves. Howard played a clip where Ben said ''Take 10'' and didn't sound to happy saying it.
Steve got back to his news report and said that they found a balloon guy who said they could get Eric the Midget to fly with balloons but it's too late now. Steve said that The Smoking Gun has a story about Richard Jeni going in for help just months before he killed himself. They will have more on that and more on King of All Blacks court case. Steve brought in the official Riley Martin Piss Jug which is for sale on his web site for Howard to see. Howard said that was just disgusting.
Jon Hein ran down the stuff they were going to cover today. He said they'll be talking about JD's arm wrestling matches, Joey Boots' big revelation and more. Howard got Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone and asked him what he had coming up. Mutt said they're going to talk about that big faggot Joey Boots. Boots will be there. Mutt said he guessed that he was gay before he knew. He said that there wasn't much else it could have been. Mutt went on to say that they'll also talk about Howard and Beth talking about having a real wedding. They're also going to talk about Sal's outburst on yesterday's show.
Ben said that he's surprised that there's a market for that stuff. He said it's like a hundred years old. Howard said he can remember his dad coming home and singing that song. Ben said that he met this guy Alan Swift who took an hour to do his takes for a one minute commercial. He said that he remembers doing 16 takes and the guy asked him to replay the first one and that's the one he went with. Howard said it seems like the singers were losing steam after a while. Ben said that the singers just have to go through the song once and then try to get it right.
Howard said he remembers the way his father looked at and respected those guys is what made him want to get behind the microphone to get some respect himself. Howard said he wanted his father to worship him the way he worshiped those people back then. Howard said that the DVD is number 10,984 on the Amazon list. That will probably change once the fans start buying it.
Ben gave Howard an ''I love you'' as he was getting off the phone. Howard let him go and continued to play some of those clips. While all of that was going on Howard and the guys ended up talking about the time Scott the Engineer flipped out on everyone after his push-up challenge. They played some clips of Scott yelling at Mike Gange and at Howard. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard told Ronnie he needs to get some anger management done. He said that he drove him out the other night and he was jamming on the breaks and stuff and he wanted to tell him to calm down when he drives. He said he makes people nervous when he drives. Ronnie told Howard he's an angry guy too. Howard said he's not driving anyone though.
Will came in and goofed on Ronnie's boots. Jason came in to goof on him but Ronnie told him that his are even worse. Everyone was checking out the jeans from behind and saying that they were definitely pressed. Ronnie kept insisting that they weren't pressed. Richard told them they look like little kid jeans. Richard asked if they were Wrangler jeans. He said they've been calling him ''J.R. Jewing'' from Dallas. Ronnie told the guys he got his shoes from Bass shoes but Doug asked him if he'd said ''Bad shoes.''
Howard went off on Ronnie for the way he was driving and told him he's like a maniac. He said his other driver was nice and smooth. Ralph said that he knows what Howard is talking about, he's experienced it. Ralph said that Ronnie once hit someone when they were on the way to a book signing. Howard said Ronnie drives very angry and it's like he wants him to notice that he's there.
Ralph said that Ronnie is one of those guys who looks great in a suit but if he wears anything else, he's a mess. Ronnie said he'll have to call him from now on to get him some clothes. Howard told Ronnie to stick to wearing the nice clothes, he's supposed to look good as security. Howard told Ronnie he wants Ronnie the Limo Driver, not this relaxed Ronnie.
Howard had to wrap up the fun with the guys so he told Ronnie to just stick to a suit from now on. He finished up his commercial that he had started a few minutes before.
Double A called in and said that this week of shows has been great but it kind of sucks that Boots is gay. He said it is kind of shocking. He wanted to wish Howard and the guys a happy vacation and to wish Beth a happy birthday since that's going to happen during their vacation. He also requested to hear a song because that Tennessee Tuxedo song is going to be stuck in his head if they don't play something else. Howard said he'd do that before they leave.
Robin went through some more stories about subjects like Chris Benoit, Howard's chess playing, and some other stuff. Howard had Robin wrap up around 11:10am and ended the show right around that time.
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Howard started off the show saying he thinks he ran out of stuff to say. He hummed along to his opening theme song for a short time and told Robin he was out of stuff to say. Robin said she had some questions about something that was in the paper.
Howard mentioned that Mike Judge was coming in as Beavis and Butt-Head today. He said he'll be sitting in during the news so that should be good. He said he might just do his Fartman character while Mike is there. He told Robin to bring up any stories that Fartman and Beavis and Butt-Head could get involved with.
Howard asked Robin who he should vote for as governor of New York. He said he's not even sure if he's registered to vote or not. Robin said she wasn't sure what to make of Howard endorsing the Libertarians in this race. Howard said that he thinks that taxes can be reduced and they don't have to keep raising them all the time. He said the other thing about Cuomo is that a couple of years ago there was a guy who had committed murder and was sentenced to the death penalty. Cuomo went out of his way to bring him to NY State so he could avoid the death penalty. He said that the guy wasted so much time just to save a murderer's life. He said that's just sick.
Howard said he doesn't know all that much about Pataki but that might be a good thing. He and Robin spent a short time on that but Howard said he didn't care. He said he's going to call himself a Libertarian anyway. He said his old running mate Stan Dwarkin sent him a letter about how he hasn't been able to get any air time. He said that they tried to get him into a room to talk about that but he didn't want any part of that.
Howard said that he's had to leave the details the movie up to everyone over there at Rysher and that led to one of the guys leaving the project. Howard said that they have to kind of start over because they were going to start shooting in about 2 weeks but now they have to go back to the drawing board. He said he was asked to grow a moustache but he just shaved that off. He's happy he was able to get rid of that thing.
Howard said he likes that they're turning his book into a movie but it might take a little time. He said he doesn't mind if it takes a little time to make it happen though. He said he feels like he's caught in the middle of the whole thing and doesn't know what to do. He said he knows that Rysher is dedicated to making the movie but they have to get the script right. He can't afford to be in a piece of crap because it'll end his career.
Howard said the movie had laughs in it but there were some dramatic moments in it. That's why they had this John Avelson guy ready to direct. Now Rysher is looking for a comedy director. Howard said it appears to him that the whole process was handled kind of screwy. They had all kinds of weird deadlines and they didn't even have a script yet. They were setting up deadlines when they didn't have a script in hand. Now he's just going to wait on the sidelines and wait for a script to be handed to him that he likes.
Robin asked Howard what he's going to do if they hand him a script that he doesn't like. Howard said he'd turn it down and wait for another one. He said that he and Rysher have to agree on the script to make it happen. Howard said he's just waiting to know when he's going to be in a movie. It's going to take some time for them to figure out if they have the right script to make a good movie.
Howard said he barely had time to make an evaluation on the script before it all went down. He said he's not even sure what happened, it was all just so weird. So now they're back to working on a new script. Ivan Reitman told Howard that they might have to go through 8-11 drafts before it's ready to go. Howard said they're only on their third draft.
Robin said that someone asked her to ask him if he's free to do Letterman and Leno now that he's not doing the movie. Howard said he's not sure. He said that they're telling him over there at Rysher that they're sticking to that shoot schedule next month. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said he farted at one point and he didn't know that Scott could see him doing that. He said he's got a camera on him at least 60 percent of his day these days. He said that the E! guys have to pull the cameras back because they can see him playing with himself all morning. Robin said she can't work like that knowing he's playing with himself.
Howard asked how they can see him doing that. Scott Einziger said it's when he moves his chair back. Howard said he's been doing that since he was in Washington. He said he must be the horniest guy in the world. Robin said the people that usually do that are the retarded. Howard said that every guy does that at some point. He said he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He also scratches himself under his arm and flips his hair. He said he even picks his nose a lot. Howard said his nose gets clogged and he has to pick it at times.
Howard said it's thanks to IBM that he can do all of that stuff. He's not even sure what else he can do with the system. He's only tested out the minimum stuff. He told Scott that he was cute and kicked ass. He said he does some weird stuff on that camera.
Howard said that the guys weren't there the other day when he was on the camera and some woman walked into the room. He said he was hoping that her fingers would start exploring but that didn't happen. He said he pushed the microphone button and it scared her. He said he didn't wait too long before he hit the button. He didn't want her to think he was watching too long. Howard said that she didn't show her face but she did show him her shoulder.
Howard said he sometimes just watched the guys without telling them he's on. He watched the guys editing for 5 minutes without telling them the other day. He said he just needs a couple more cameras and he could watch everyone. The day he can watch Fred at home is the day it'll be complete. Scott wanted to get in a plug for the E! show and said that they're running the Bon Jovi part 2 episode.
Gary came in and asked Howard if he wanted this chick to come back who had been on the show before. Howard said he wasn't sure about that. He said that they should have down some listeners dressed up in their costumes and vote on who has the best. Howard told Gary that they need a bunch of hot girls to dance in there. He said he wants 7 of them. Gary put the word out that they're looking for good looking chicks and that they should contact him.
Howard said that they need chicks, punch and a script for his movie for the party. He said they were thinking of King of All Blacks and Big Black for the judges of the contest. Howard went over the list of people they could have judging. Howard suggested Fred the Elephant Boy and said he has to dress like an elephant since they are doing it for TV. Robin said they could dress him like the real Elephant Man. Howard said that the best scene in the Elephant Man movie is when he gets dressed in a tuxedo and asks how he looks.
Howard suggested that they dress King of All Blacks and Big Black as cannibals. He said he wants to make sure they mix up the costumes too so he told Gary to get a few of each of them. Howard asked Tom to give them some prizes for the winners. He also told Tom he should come as a pin head or something like that.
Ralph came in with some suggestions and ended up getting goofed on by everyone. Ralph was suggesting that they have a winner for the best Howard, Gary, Robin, Jackie, Fred... Howard told him that it'll be hard enough getting winning money for three people, never mind a bunch of people. Howard said the loser could have lunch with Ralph. He said the worst costume prize is a lunch with Ralph.
Howard told Ralph he could leave and kicked ''stink boy'' out of the studio. The guys were goofing on Ralph's speech impediment and Jackie said it's like there's a speed bump for every word he says. Howard told Ralph to get out after Jackie said the smell was pot.
Howard said that the boys went out to get an interview with Regis and Kathie Lee. John said that they were promoting a cook book. Howard asked John for the list of questions but he didn't have them. Howard told John that means that Vic is going to get his job and he can go out and do some interviews on his own.
Howard played the interview that John tried to do with Regis. Regis wasn't answering his questions, neither was Kathie Lee. Stuttering Vic gave it a try after John failed. Vic said he was stuttering like crazy too. Howard said he doesn't get the attraction to those two nitwits. He can't imagine anyone with a brain going to see those two.
Jackie said he was watching football the other night and said that Frank Gifford was looking like the crypt keeper at that point. Howard said he heard that Kathie Lee hangs pictures of Frank from when he was young up on the walls when they have parties at their house. Billy West said his eyes look like two pee holes in the snow these days.
Howard played the clip of Stuttering Vic trying to interview Kathie Lee Gifford. He asked her ''have you stolen Oprah's hair cut?'' but she didn't answer. Howard got a hold of the questions that he was supposed to ask but they edited out. There were questions about Frank and if he could get aroused without injecting something into his penis. There were also questions about her menstruation and things like that. Those were the questions that were cut out though.
Howard got back to Vic's tape and he was stuttering like crazy as he was trying to ask his questions. They eventually kicked Vic out of there. Billy was doing an impression of the woman and saying what she really meant to say to him when she was asking him to leave nicely.
The guys goofed on Stuttering Vic's odd stutter for a short time. Robin said she didn't know his was that good. Some of his stutters sounded kind of like a helicopter so Fred threw in those sound effects while they were goofing on him.
John told Howard that Stuttering Vic doesn't masturbate and told Vic to tell him why. Vic said he's got carpel tunnel syndrome and it hurts a lot so he doesn't masturbate. He said he hasn't done that for the past year and a half or so. Howard made him swear on his future earnings and career that he really didn't masturbate. Vic said that he's not lying, he wouldn't lie about something so stupid.
Howard told Vic that maybe he should ask his mom to help him out. They continued to make fun of his stutter while they were talking to him about all of that. Howard said it only takes like a minute to get off so he figured that he could get through it. Vic said that it really hurts even after he's done doing it. Howard said he thinks the feeling of pleasure should be better than the pain. Jackie said it sounds like more of a religious thing or a guilt thing. Howard asked him if his parents told him not to do it or something. Vic said that's not it. He didn't even want to talk about this stuff this morning. Vic said he knew this was going to make his life hell.
Howard said he thinks he'd find any way to do something like that if he had the pain that Vic has. Vic said he doesn't care about that stuff anymore. He's only 21 years old though. Stuttering John laughed when he heard that. Howard thinks that there's something else going on there but he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Robin who they think is the biggest star in the world. She guessed it was probably Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said that he's never written a hit book, done a radio show every day at number one in almost every market, done a pay-per-view that grossed $30 million in one night... He told everyone to shut up.
The caller on the line wasn't getting to his question so he was going to hang up on him. The guy asked about the show being chopped up there in Boston. Howard said he didn't want to be bothered with that stuff and hung up on the guy.
Howard said that when she got out of the hospital, she was so hot that Ray Liotta fell for her even though she was in a wheelchair. She said that Ray saw her in a picture that her good friend Melanie Griffith showed to him. She said that Ray came to her house to meet her after giving her a call. He wasn't even famous yet though. She said that she didn't have any money and she couldn't move much in her wheelchair.
Heidi said that she got a $7 million settlement from the accident but she only ended up with about $3 million after the lawyers took their share.
Heidi said she was taken out on a boat one time with Ray and they had strapped her to a pole on the boat so she wouldn't roll away. Howard said that Ray was a good looking guy back then. She said he really was good looking. She said that she thinks she's even better looking now than she was back then. She said that Ray was the first guy to take her out after her accident so it was very special.
Howard thought that Ray had been in her life before the accident but he was wrong about that. He said he figures that something must move right on Heidi for Ray to stay with her. She said that she could still feel things when she was paralyzed but it was more like electrical pulses going all over your body.
Heidi said that they were so obsessed with each other that they were spending every minute together. She said that she doesn't keep in touch with Ray too much these days because he's so busy working. Howard recapped the conversation and went over everything they had learned.
Howard said it sounds like Ray is a really good guy. She said he really is a great guy. Robin wondered how they have sex. Heidi didn't want to get into that with them though. Howard told her she must be quite a woman to get Ray the way she did.
Howard asked Heidi if Melanie Griffith listens to his show. She said she's very busy with her kids so she probably can't. Howard said she's got that baby voice with those nice breast implants. He said that Don Johnson must be a lot of fun. That got Billy doing his Don Johnson impression for a few seconds. He goofed on Don a little bit so Howard told him to calm down with that. Howard asked Heidi a little more about dating Ray and then let her go a short time later.
Howard had the guys bring in Mike Judge, the creator of Beavis and Butt-Head. He said that Mike is a talented guy but not much of a business man. He didn't make much off the Beavis and Butt-Head thing. Mike told Howard that he's pretty sure they knew they had a live one when he'd send them stuff from Texas. He said that they're renegotiating his contract now though.
Howard said that the Beavis and Butt-Head thing is brilliant and he can't come up with stuff like that every week. He said that Mike could come up with more stuff but this is like his Beatles. Mike talked about how he animated the Frog Baseball cartoon himself. Howard said that he saw that one and was shocked that MTV even showed it. Mike said he never thought they'd turn that into a whole show. He figured they were going to do some intros and stuff, that was it.
Howard said that the weird thing was when MTV got after him for having Beavis getting into fire. Mike said he was out of the country when they started moving the show around to late night. Mike said he was over in England recording ''I Got You Babe'' with Cher. Howard asked him if he got her and he did his Butt-Head laugh. He said he didn't do anything with her, he's not her type. Howard asked if she was all decked out in her rock star outfit. Mike said she was in more of a grunge outfit.
Howard asked if Cher smelled okay. Mike said she was perfumed up. Howard figured it was her own brand of perfume that she was wearing. Howard said Jackie met Mike through Stuttering john at some point and really got along with him. It turns out Jackie met him at a Friar's roast. Mike talked to Jackie about how he wasn't getting any money from MTV and Jackie related to him because he thinks he doesn't get paid well either.
Howard talked to Mike about his crappy deal with MTV and Gary said there was more to it. He said some other guy had taken the animations and sold them to MTV himself. Mike said he does have some control over it because he does all of the voices in the show. Mike said that it is pretty cool to be able to do the cartoons but there were times when he would have liked to have gotten out.
Mike said that he was trying to get the Hollywood lawyers to call him back about representing him but he had to give up on that idea when no one would call him back. He talked about how the first 2 minute long animation took him about 8 weeks to animate himself. He said now they have a bunch of Korean people drawing them. He said that they were telling him that it was a very odd cartoon when they saw it. They didn't know what ''cut the cheese'' or ''getting a woodrow'' meant.
Mike said that he has a bunch of writers for the show now so he just supervises them. He wrote a lot of the early ones though. He also had his ''Milton'' cartoon shown on Saturday Night Live recently. He said that's the first animation he ever did and also the character from the movie ''Office Space.''
Howard figured that Mike probably gets a fruit basket from the MTV people instead of making money. Mike said he actually got a bath robe for Christmas. Howard told Mike he had to take a break but when they came back they were going to do this Fartman thing with Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard told Mike about the way Billy West took over the voices for Ren and Stimpy after the creator left the show. He was only doing Stimpy but took over Ren when the creator quit.
Howard talked to Mike about the Beavis and Butt-Head video game for a short time. Howard said that it's really amazing how big those characters got. He said his daughter has told him about some of the kids in her class who think that they are Beavis and Butt-Head.
Mike said that he's in the process of making a movie for the cartoon but some of the movie studios wanted him to do it as a live action movie. Howard said that wouldn't work, he wants to see them in a dirtier version of the TV cartoon. Howard said that they'd probably get Mike Myers and Dana Carvey to play the characters if they did it as live action.
Billy West started doing his Jackie Puppet thing and showed that off for Mike. Mike said he'd never seen the puppet before. He thought the puppet was pretty impressive looking. Howard told Billy to blow up the puppet's belly and make it fart. Billy played with that for a short time and then started doing his Jackie laughs. He told some goofy jokes like Jackie would and then went nuts with his many Jackie laughs. Howard said Jackie Puppet must feel comfortable with Mike since he's had money issues too. Jackie Puppet went nuts laughing and goofing around. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news and asked if Jackie Puppet was there. Jackie was there and then asked if Beavis and Butt-Head were there. Mike did both of those voices and also Mr. Anderson (who would later become Hank Hill from 'King of the Hill')
Mike was talking about Robin's hooters as Beavis and Butt-Head a little bit. Howard then went into his Fartman character. He introduced himself and explained who he is. Mike did his Beavis laugh as Howard was doing his Fartman thing.
Billy West was going crazy as Jackie Puppet again. Howard said that Fred doesn't do any impressions but then remembered he does the Gary Puppet. Fred picked him up and did a little bit of his Gary impression.
Howard wondered why Beavis and Butt-Head never goofs on the black artists. Mike said that rappers kind of scare him because they do carry guns and he wouldn't want to upset anyone. He said they did have one show where Butt-Head said ''Huh huh huh, Negros are cool...'' but he said that never made it to air as far as he knows. Billy started going nuts as the Jackie Puppet again and cracked himself up doing his dopey jokes.
Howard told Mike that he really should get into some of that racism stuff in the cartoon. Maybe they could use that in the movie. Mike said that the movie is in limbo right now because of the Paramount Viacom split, things are kind of messed up.
Howard said that it would be kind of funny if Beavis and Butt-Head started dressing up like Amos and Andy and doing that voice. Mike wouldn't even go there with that on the radio. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later.
Robin read a story about Rudy Giuliani which led to the guys making fun of that speech impediment of his. Howard also told Mike about this guy Cuomo and the thing he did where he saved a guy from the death penalty when he brought him to New York.
Billy was still doing a lot of the Jackie Puppet thing so Howard had to ask him to calm down a little bit. Mike said he needed a puppet to get a word in. Howard spent a little time talking to Beavis and Butt-Head and had them talking about Robin. They were asking her out and things like that. Jackie Puppet was still going nuts talking over everyone though.
Howard got into the MTV money thing with Mike at one point. Mike had to give his Beavis voice a break because it hurts his throat. He eventually told Gary to get him the number for MTV so he could call and try to renegotiate his contract for him as Fartman. Jackie Puppet was ready to get into that as well. He gave Mike some plugs for the Beavis and Butt-Head merchandise since Mike can make some money on that. He went to break before getting to that stuff though.
Fartman gave MTV a call but Tom Freston wasn't in his office so the assistant ended up putting him on hold. Fartman sat on hold for a short time and then the woman picked up and said Tom was busy on a conference call. Howard left a message for Tom telling him that he needed them to give Mike Judge more money. The woman called him Howard at one point so he asked her to please not do that. Howard told her that if he didn't comply with his wishes, he'd be hearing some farts. She had to hang up on him because she said she was too busy to stay on the phone. Fartman took off after that. He blasted out of there with farts of course.
Mike said that now everything should fall into place since he has a super hero on his side. Howard goofed on Tom Freston a little bit as he was talking about him.
Howard had Robin get back to her news but Jackie Puppet and Beavis and Butt-Head were still throwing in some comments. Mike stuck around through Robin's news. Howard asked him about how Beavis and Butt-Head always goof on the band Winger. Howard said he had Kip Winger on the show one time and they tried calling Mike to ask him to take that Winger t-shirt off the little kid in the cartoon.
Howard asked Mike if Stuttering John bothers him to do stuff for him. Mike said that John did hang out with him for a long time before he asked him for anything. Howard told John that the guy was blowing him off and he didn't even realize it. John thought that they were going to goof on his music video. Mike said they actually have it on one of the reels but it may or may not make it to one of the episodes.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Stuttering John about his friendship with Mike. Howard said John told him that Mike was definitely going to put his video in the cartoon but John claimed he never said that. He said he might put it on. Howard told John that Mike has no control over that show and he can't just put on anything he wants. He told John to stop using people. John said he doesn't use anyone. Howard wrapped up with Mike and wished him luck doing Letterman. Mike said that he had a cartoon of Beavis and Butt-Head as Letterman and Paul Shafer the last time he was on.
Howard was going to end the show so he asked Mike if he wanted to hear anything special. Mike asked for a song that Howard said they just use under their commercials. He gave Mike some choices and played a few songs that they could end the show on. Mike asked for some James Brown, maybe some Los Lobos or something like that. Howard told him to just pick a song and he'd play it. Howard was going to play some Led Zeppelin but he had to ask Gary to go get him a CD to play. Gary gave him a hard time to Howard told him to just go over and get it. Mike picked ''When the Levy Breaks'' so Howard went into the song a short time later. Billy started to do his Greaseman impression when Howard started the song. Howard also did a little bit of his goofy DJ impression as the song was playing. They played a few fart sounds through the song and ended the show around 9:50am (Master Tape Theatre time).