Today's fan favorites of 2007 was over around 1:35pm.
Today's special was over by about 2:45pm.
Howard and the guys were back live this morning after a two and a half week vacation. He started off the show telling everyone they were back live. Robin didn't know the date. Artie said he was listening to the History of Howard Stern stuff and he was loving the old stuff they were playing during that. That led to Howard taking a phone call from a guy who wanted to talk about how great it was as well.
Howard said that about a year or so ago he got the right to the tapes and they put together a team of about 11 guys who go through the tapes and pull all of that stuff. They sent them on a mission to figure out what to do with the tapes and came up with that idea. He said it took months for them to come up with the plan even though he was in a rush to get it done. Now they have a 4 year plan to get all of these specials out to the fans. He said that they started working on the special about a year ago and that's how long it took to make it happen. He said that it does take a long time to make those specials though. He said they have a lot more coming out over the next 3 years. Howard said that these specials have been in production and they'll only be available to the fans who subscribe to SIRIUS.
Fred said that he found out how little the dollar is worth over there. He was over there for 5 or 6 days because he felt it was enough. He said they flew back on Christmas day. He'd had enough by the third day. He said the food was surprisingly good too.
Howard said he'd had enough of the Fred segment and wrapped up after Fred wasn't able to figure out where he had stayed over there. He played Fred out with his theme song. Howard said that he came home a day early from his vacation too. He was down in Mexico.
Howard said that Jimmy and Sarah showed up early down there and they had a great time with them. He said he and Beth love those two. John Stamos also showed up down there. He suggested that the go into town and party there but Howard said he doesn't like leaving the resort he's staying at. He's afraid of leaving and going into town. He's heard too many stories about kidnappings and stuff like that.
Howard said that everyone else went into town while he stayed at the hotel. He said he was way too afraid of leaving so he told them to go ahead in and told Beth not to call him if she ended up in some Mexican jail somewhere. He's no adventurer himself.
Artie said that it is a problem down in Mexico City with kidnappings and stuff so he's not out of line. Howard said that they all went in and went shopping and had some food. He figured that they were all going to end up getting sick but he was the one who ended up getting sick.
Howard said he cut the trip short but he had a good time down there. He said they only cut the trip short by one day. They all came home and he got a sore throat and a cold and stayed in bed the rest of the time.
Howard said he stayed in bed watching TV and movies and liked this movie ''Eastern Promises.'' He said that it hasn't been promoted all that well though. He said it's got Viggo Mortensen and Naomi Watts in it.
Jerry was saying that the special was amazing and how he wanted to say a few words about it. In the second message Jerry was telling Jon he wanted a copy of the soundtrack from the special. Then he called back in a third message and told Jon how he heard Howard for the first time in his mother's car. He said that he was a little kid and his mother would drive them over to Jersey City in this old clunker car she had.
Howard said that he likes to hear a guy like that getting excited about the special. If he were him, he'd be bragging that he's banging Rebecca Romijn. He said it was very sweet of him to do something like that. He said that he bothered to call in and that's very cool. That led to Howard talking about how he'd be bragging about how he was better than Jon if he were Jerry.
Artie told a story about Sam Simon and his gambling. He said that Sam gambles a lot and the guy has a billions that he can bet with. He said that he puts bookies out of business with the bets he places on games. He said that he'd show up to poker games with bags full of money at times.
Artie said that Sam called him the day before the Giant game and told him that he had a guarantee on that game. He said that Sam told him to just take the Giants. Sam told him it was a lock and they were going to play hard and at least cover the spread. He said they were getting 13.5 points. Artie said that Sam thought it was going to be a great game. Artie took that advice and put $15,000 on the game and won 15 grand thanks to Sam.
Howard asked Artie if he was shitting his pants while watching the game. Artie said that it was very exciting and it reminds him why he loves gambling so much. He said that he was scared watching the game and he would have lost $16,500, because of the vig on the bet, if he had lost.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the History of Howard Stern kept him listening to SIRIUS all week while they were gone. He said that it was crazy to hear Howard saying some of the stuff that he was saying on the air back then. Howard told the guy that it made him all very emotional hearing it and they really did a great job covering that whole thing.
Robin said that she liked hearing the story about the 14th Street Bridge crash and how Howard never really called Air Florida like people thought he did.
Howard said he tried calling Artie over vacation to find out how he was doing because he was worried about him. He didn't know that he'd won $15,000. He said he'd turn to Beth and tell her that he hoped Artie was alive. He said that he keeps a suit ready just in case. Robin told him that he has to be prepared to do a eulogy. Howard said he doesn't want to do one, he wants his family to take care of that.
Howard said he called Artie and got his voice mail but it's some kind of funky system. He said that it gives you a message that says ''No message'' and then it cuts him off.
Artie said that he set a new record for sleeping for the longest time in a row. That's why his voice mail ended up getting filled up. That's probably what Howard got, that filled up voice mail message.
Artie was also working on New Year's Eve so that's why he wasn't answering that night. He said they had the band Blue Collar come out and perform the ''When I See Beth Smiling'' song for the crowd. He said he was really touched by the whole thing and he got upset when he thought about how much that guy would have liked seeing something like that. He also said that the show down in Philly went well, the fans down there were really great.
Howard said that John Hayes wasn't even as bad as Pig Virus was. He said that the guy wasn't all that bright, that was the problem. He said he thinks that the guy's father had a lot of money and that's how he ended up getting that job at NBC. Howard said that he and John Hayes were the people who actually got into the fight and got physical at NBC, it wasn't really Pig Virus. They had to limit the number of characters in the movie when they made Private Parts.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked Robin how many times she fucked Jimmy Florentine. Robin laughed and told Howard that they did see each other during vacation. She said that she saw him down in Florida while she was down there. He just happened to be down there at the same time. She said that she saw him again when she came back home. She said that they are becoming good friends but Howard thought it was more than that.
Howard pointed out that Robin has lost more weight too. He said he noticed that first thing this morning. Artie told her that Jimmy likes to keep his women in shape. Robin said that they're just becoming ''friends'' and wasn't talking about doing anything else. Howard was asking her if they're doing the nasty, bumping uglies. Robin just laughed and said she doesn't discuss those things. Howard took that as a yes.
The caller said that he was emailing this woman Candy and he put up a web site as a goof and it ended up getting out of hand. Howard said he'd need about 20 minutes to sort this out if he wanted to. He asked how far away he has to be from this woman. The caller didn't have an answer. He said he was just sending her e-mails asking her how she was doing and making little short films about her that he put up on YouTube. He thinks that it's just a misunderstanding.
Howard kept digging and trying to figure out what he was talking about. He told him that maybe he wants to leave this Candy chick alone now. He said he doesn't want to hurt anyone or anything like that and he doesn't have a police record. Howard said that they now know more about this guy than they do about Robin's personal life.
The caller asked Artie how he knew who he was. Artie said he recognized his voice after he heard him call in two days in a row calling himself Candy's Stalker. Artie said he thought it was a great way to open up a call to the show. Howard said he'd love to hear this Candy's side of the story to hear what he's really doing. Howard told Gary to get her number so they could talk to her about this guy whose name was Lee.
Howard said that this poor woman is probably terrified of this guy and she's thinking she's going to end up like Rebecca Shaffer.
Howard said he wonders if he can really change and he doesn't think that's going to happen at this point in his life. He said that he might be wasting his time by going so much. Then he thinks that maybe he has to keep it going to make things work. He said that if he's not in therapy, things will go all wrong with Beth. The caller asked him if he'd go to marriage counseling if Beth asked him to. He said that he would so the caller figured that he was doing things on his own and didn't really need to go to the shrink.
Howard said that he and Beth would probably have to go to marriage counseling because there are some things that they don't talk about in their personal life.
Howard said that he and Beth were in bed by 9:30 on New Year's Eve. Fred was doing his Jim Florentine impression which led to Robin saying that she saw Jim on New Year's Eve. They went to see the ball drop in Times Square after he did a show at Caroline's comedy club. She said that they had a police escort down there. She said that the NYPD was incredible that night. Howard said that Robin really changed Jim if that's the case.
Howard asked Robin if she liked Jim's act. She said that she had never seen his act before but Howard said that they did see him at Carnegie Hall one time and also out in Las Vegas. Robin didn't remember much about that though.
Howard asked Artie if he got laid on New Year's Eve. He said that he didn't that night but he did get laid over vacation. Howard said that he and Beth had sex on New Year's Eve and then went to bed. He asked Robin if he saw the Ryan Seacrest Crest commercial with Josie Maran in it. He said he can't believe that he's making that kind of money doing what he does.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked what Beth gave him for Christmas. Howard said he got a watch and showed it to the guys. It was an Ermez watch or something like that. Artie said he loves a good watch. Howard said he that he's been getting into watches lately too. Ed asked him how much it was. Howard figured it was maybe 3 or 4 grand. Artie figured it was over 5 grand.
Another caller told Howard that he loved the History of Howard Stern but he also liked the Staff Picks of 2007. Howard told the guy they have a lot more coming up over the next few years. Another guy called in about the History as well and said that it was a lot of fun to listen to that stuff. He said he has old tapes from some of the old shows so Howard asked him to send them some of the stuff he's got because they don't have a lot of the NBC shows. The guy said that he can do that.
Howard said they had Dick Clark on the phone to talk about his New Year's Eve special. He picked up and had Fred the Elephant Boy doing his Dick Clark impression, which was just his regular voice. Dick was asking him to play Psychedelic Bee on his show but no one understood what he was saying. Howard had some idea and figured it out. Howard only kept him on for a short time and then let him go.
Artie said that back when he didn't have much money it was great to be able to go to McDonald's and get 3 Big Macs for like 3 bucks. He used to go nuts eating stuff like that.
Howard read that the McRib failed when it first came out and they discontinued it. He wanted to call McDonald's and ask them why they brought it back. He said he'll keep the conversation to that subject and not bring anything else up. Robin asked if they have the Angus burger there at McDonald's. Artie said that one is at Burger King.
Another caller brought up the History of Howard Stern special and said that it seemed that Fred would get flipped out pretty easy back then. The guys said that he still gets kind of worked up very easy these days. Another caller said that they do have an Angus burger there at McDonald's. He also said that when Howard was doing the King Schmaltz Bagel Hour thing, it sounds a lot like the show they do today. That led to Howard talking about how bad his voice was back then and how he could barely speak. He was out of his mind back then and he didn't get his voice until NBC eased up on him.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about the History stuff and how they have even more coming up in the future. Howard took another call from a guy who said that the History was as good as a live show as far as he's concerned. He also asked Robin if she's going to be at the Killers of Comedy show out in Sacramento this week. Robin said that she won't be there. Howard asked her what's really going on there. She was just laughing when the guys were saying that it seems like a real thing going on there.
Gary said that New Year's Eve is a good night for fuckin' so she must have done him that night. She said that she had agreed to come see him after she dragged him out to the DogCatemy Awards.
Another caller said that there was a great Sam Kinison bit about the McRib sandwich on one of his albums. That led to the guys talking about how they just mould meat into the shape of ribs to make that sandwich. Artie said it's best not to take the buns off of their sandwiches to see what they actually look like.
The caller Howard had on the line said that he's a freelance comic book artist and he loves the show. Howard and the guys asked him about the comic books and why he has to do it freelance. He said he works for DC comics and he's worked on just about everything but now he's working on Gen 13 right now. He said he's an inker and he adds textures and stuff like that. Then it's scanned and sent out to the printers.
Howard asked him if he could make a 100 grand doing something like that. He said that if you're fast, you can make that kind of money. He said he can make like 50-70 himself but he lives in Florida so that's about all he needs to make. He said that he loves listening to the show to make the day pass by faster when he's got deadlines.
Howard told the guy that he should draw a cock and balls in a character sometime. The guy said that someone did that one time and they had it so it would only show up in a certain color. Artie said that reminds him of a guy who let his right ball hang out during a class photo shoot one time and it actually made it into the year book.
The caller said that the comic book that had the cock picture was a Captain America from 1990. Howard said he wants to get a copy of that for himself. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
Howard played another clip from the channel 11 news there in New York. In that clip they played an interview with a victim of a crime and they forgot to bleep out the word ''fuck.'' Howard said he had another one where a guy gets the word shit out on the Early Show on CBS. This surfer dude was talking about how he ''ate shit'' while he was out on his board. Julie Chen had to ask him to be careful with his language after that happened.
Howard said that Tom Hanks called a reporter a pussy in another clip. He said all of these reporters out there get very excited about nothing. The reporter was called a pussy by Hanks because he was wearing a scarf. He got all excited about that.
Howard said that they actually punish people there for not cursing. Last week on Bubba's show Brent Hatley said that he got ''oral'' instead of saying he got a blow job. They had to send him a memo to remind him that he can use that word.
In another clip we heard an announcer during a car race use the word shit while trying to explain something. Howard played another clip where a guy said ''dribbling out of the cock'' during a basketball game, instead of saying ''dribbling out the clock.'' Howard said that guy is probably selling McRib sandwiches now.
In the clip Dick was slurring through his lines about the big Times Square celebration. Dick was telling people not to go away and still giving that fake laugh of his, even with the stroke. Howard said that if he had a stroke, he'd want people to remember him the way he was. He wouldn't go out and do shows like that anymore. He said the guy must really want to be on TV to be going out to do that kind of thing.
Howard said he probably won't have a stroke because on New Year's Eve he was in bed by 9:30. Artie said that he was going to call Howard and Robin to see if they wanted to go see Chris Rock at the Garden, if he didn't have to work that night. Howard said he would have gone to that show if he knew about it.
Howard played more of the Dick Clark clips and then talked about how ridiculous it is that people go out to see that ball drop with a million other people. There's no bathrooms so there's a picture in the paper today of some Japanese tourists holding up their diapers to show how they go to the bathroom.
Howard wondered what would drive someone to go to something like that. Artie said that he and his buddies used to go to see it and it was so disappointing. He said they hoped to pick up chicks but that wouldn't happen. He said that they went in around 3 in the afternoon and had to stand around until midnight waiting for that ball to drop.
Howard played more of the Dick Clark clips and said that he really should stay home, it's really sad. Howard said that if they were going to hang someone like Mark David Chapman or something like that, then he'd go down there to see it in Times Square.
The guys talked about how nuts it is that there are a million people out there who have time to just stand around and wait for that ball to drop. Howard got back to the clips and played another example of Dick's inability to speak clearly. Howard seemed to feel bad for the guy and said that he doesn't understand why anyone would want to go on doing shows like that after suffering a stroke.
Dick was talking about how fans had started lining up at 2 in the afternoon there. Howard did a little bit of an impression of Dick's slurred speech and then we heard Dick doing the count down from 20 to zero. Howard said he wonders if he can actually count backwards. Dick then says ''Happy dew year!''
Howard said he hopes that Ryan Seacrest has a stroke so the two of them can share the countdown. Artie said that they could have Kirk Douglas live from Chicago or something.
Howard figured that Dick was doing a live remote from California or something but JD told him that he was actually live in New York in another booth separate from Ryan.
Howard said he thinks that Dick really means it when he wishes everyone a healthy new year but Robin wasn't so sure about that. Howard said that it would be great if Dick was carrying around a bottle of Jack Daniels and pretending he was drunk instead of playing up the stroke thing. He and Artie were doing their impressions of what a drunken Dick Clark would sound like doing the broadcast. They had him pretending to puke as the ball dropped at the last second.
Fred played some clips of Crackhead Bob saying a few things since he suffered from a stroke one time. He played a Jack and Rod Show clip where they had Crackhead Bob pretending to be Kirk Douglas as they were talking to some authors about their book. They end up getting pissed when they realize that they're being goofed on.
Lisa asked Howard what he got for Beth for Christmas. Howard said he got her a bracelet. He talked about the other bracelet she has that she can't take off of her arm. He said he hates that because it scratches him. Lisa was saying that she'd love to have something like that if it had diamonds on it. Artie found her obsession with jewelry kind of disturbing but she pointed out that it's no different than his obsession with cupcakes.
Howard asked Lisa what she thinks about Robin and Jim Florentine. He think that they're having sex but Robin was still denying it. Lisa asked Robin what she did down in Florida with him. Robin giggled and didn't really say much about what they were doing. Howard said that they have to be having sex by now. Robin can't be wasting her life and not having sex at this point.
Lisa said that Richard Christy wasn't allowed to get tucked in by the elves at the place he stayed at over vacation. It turns out there was an age limit on the tucking in. Richard came in and said that they asked him how old the child was to be tucked in. He told the woman that he was 33 and she gave him a long pause and she asked to talk to her manager about it. She came back and said that they have a 12 year old age limit for the tuck-ins. The elves turned out to be 20 year old girls, not midgets anyway. He said he did get to see them wandering around the complex. He expected them to be midgets though and he wanted to see what the elves looked like.
Artie found it hard to believe that Richard wanted to see what these imaginary elves looked like. He knows what midgets look like and there are no real elves out there. Richard said he was just curious, he didn't know who would be playing the part.
Howard said that Richard's father left him a new message about this restaurant that they thought they'd lost. They found a new Taco Tico in Pittsburgh, Kansas after their local one closed. Howard said that was big news from the Christy family. Richard said that they had to drive about 50 miles to go there and it turned out to be in a gas station in Pittsburgh. He said that they got like 4 bags of these sanchos things that they really like. The place is run by like one guy in a little booth there. Richard said that a fan sent him some Taco Tico stuff there at the station but there was no ice in the package. He said it was rotten by the time it got there.
Artie asked Richard if his girlfriend puts up with all of this stuff. He said that she did go out there with him and she tried the Taco Tico thing but she didn't like it. She even tried a deer stick but she didn't like it all that much. She was kind of blown away by the way they live out there in Kansas. Artie said that she must be the right one for him then. Richard said that she's really amazing.
Richard said that his girlfriend went out to a party one night but he didn't go along with her because she was going into New Jersey and he doesn't like riding the trains there. Howard said that Richard will fly out to Kansas to get tucked in by elves but he won't go to Jersey.
Lisa said that she spoke to Gary Kasparov and he wants to play chess against him. Howard said that Gary would blow him away if he did that. He has no desire to do that. Lisa said that Gary knows that Howard is on the ICC chess web site. Howard said that it's really the greatest game to study but he's not sure he'd even want to talk to Kasparov. The guy is so good that it would be demeaning to him.
Howard said that he sees that Yucko the Clown has been on the chess web site and playing like a mental patient. He said that he loses every piece in the game. He's ranked at like an 890 and he just doesn't play well.
Howard said that Jon Hein hasn't been playing chess lately. Sal was on for a while but he's been getting his ass whipped by his son so he realized that he sucks. He said he's going to pass the torch on this one and let his son learn it and play really well. He said that his son is 7 years old and he's really good at it. Howard said that he may be too old to be learning at that point. To be really good you have to start even earlier.
Lisa said that Sam Simon's house burned down on Christmas. She said that he had a fire going in his fireplace and it ended up burning the place down. She said that Sam wasn't too upset about it since he was going to be doing some remodeling anyway. She said that Sam is staying in his guest house now. That house is brand new according to Artie. He said he'd like to know what kind of check he's going to get from the Simpsons movie. He's too embarrassed to ask though. Howard had to go to another break after that.
Howard said that Courtney and David's kid is much cuter than any of the kids that they get pictures of there from the employees.
Artie brought up how Paris Hilton's grandfather is going to give 97 percent of his fortune to charity when he dies. That means that Paris won't be getting all of that money.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he has to play Kasparov. Howard said that he already played a guy who was really good and he knows that Kasparov would kick his ass in about 15 moves. He said that he ended up screwing up the game he played against that guy who was really good. He knew that he screwed up and had to resign from the game. The guy on the phone, Armless Johnny, said he'd play him but Howard said he's not looking to do that. He just plays a little in his off time.
Howard got back to the Christmas cards and said they got one from Tony Bennett. They get one from him every year. They got one from Conan O'Brien. That led to Howard talking about how Conan is coming back to do his show this week, without writers. David Letterman made a deal with his writers so he'll be back as well. The thing is that Letterman doesn't work directly for CBS. He said that the writers may have a problem with people going on to do those shows. Artie said that he was asked to do Conan tonight and he was going to turn it down because he didn't want to cross the picket line. Then he found out that they found someone else anyway so he didn't even get the chance to turn it down.
Howard said that he's not going to do on any late night shows as long as the writer's strike is on. He said that he probably won't do any until gay people are allowed to get married.
Howard said that Hugh Hefner sent them a card. George Lopez also sent one. He said that George really seems to love his kid because he's got a picture of his daughter who is about 13 and then you open the card and there are like 20 more inside. Robin said it looks like a modeling portfolio.
Yucko the Clown, Kreskin and others sent cards. Howard said that the Yucko card was scraping the bottom of the barrel for the celebrity cards. He talked about the Kreskin card and what was on that one. He was trying to figure out who was on the card and, with some help from Artie, he figured that maybe it was Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Howard said that he had a friend who was a Jew until he found the Christian faith. He said that he sent out a really graphic picture of a Christmas scene and it seems like he's super Catholic now. He said that there are some people out there who really get into that stuff when they convert from one religion to another.
Howard said Richard's parents sent a card. Larry King also sent one so he quickly read through that one. Sour Shoes sent one, so did Denise Rich. Alexis Stewart and Jennifer Koppleman sent them a card. Howard said that he'd bang Alexis if he was single. He said he'd just like to see what she's like in bed. If Beth wasn't around he'd probably do that.
Howard said Gary was asking what you're supposed to give for something like that. Gary's friend told him that you give $250 but he thought it sounded low to him. Howard said he sent $1000. He said that he got a ''thanks for your generosity'' but they should be thanking him even more than that.
Artie said he had to turn down the Bat Mitzvah too but didn't send a check. Howard said that he doesn't think that Jon should have even invited him. He said that it's almost like they're asking for money when they do that. Gary said that Jon's invitation list was everyone there so that's why Howard was on the list. Howard said that it should be just family and not have everyone from work there. Gary said that Howard invited them all to his kid's bat mitzvah. Howard said that he didn't want them there, his wife did.
Howard talked about how much he dislikes religion. He said that it's all so dumb. Jon Hein came in and said that he didn't invite Howard just to get a check. He said that he doesn't blame him for not wanting to go to the ceremony. He said he didn't invite him for the check though. He said his kids met him a couple of times and they really didn't expect him to come.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks his kid is going to do well at this thing. He said that she'll do fine. Howard said his kids really blew him away when they did theirs. He said that they basically do a whole religious service in Hebrew. They have to write a whole speech. Howard said that these people do this thing and then they never go back to temple again after doing it. He was very angry about it all and said that he really didn't have to share all of that with the people he works with. He said he doesn't need anyone evaluating what he does.
Howard said that his kids are still very religious but most people give up on church after that bit celebration. He said he was also invited to Ron Pearlman's daughter's bat mitzvah. He sent a check to that kid too. He said that Jews love money so that's why he doesn't send a gift. Gary said he hates when people show up with gifts at weddings. Howard said that Hulk Hogan showed up to Bubba's wedding with a crystal bowl and that was the last thing Bubba needed. Bubba needed cash at the time.
Robin is going to Jon Hein's kid's bat mitzvah. She's going without a guest and she has an engagement that night so she's only going to the party. Howard figures she's going to have a tickle in her throat and back out at the last minute.
Sal and Richard are invited to Jon's kid's thing and Howard told him that's a crap shoot right there. Ronnie and Scott are going to be there. He said that Fred also sent him a check and a note that was very nice. Jon said that Fred sent $500 and it was very nice. Artie said that he has to give money now.
Gary said that Benjy won't give an answer for stuff like that so Jon had to make a decision for him. Benjy said that he needed time to figure out if he could go or not. Benjy said that he told Jon that he had better say no to the invite. Jon said that Benjy doesn't like planning that far in advance so that's why he wasn't able to give him an answer. Howard told people just to not invite Benjy to anything.
Artie said that Benjy and Ivy showed up at one of his shows with some other dude who told him that he should be fucking Ivy instead of Benjy. Howard wanted to know what happened. Benjy said that both of them really started having feelings but Benjy wanted to keep dating other women. He said that she was cool with it at the time.
As he was talking about that everyone was picking him apart saying he was all sweaty and had a rash on his nose, man boobs and more. Howard said it really is a man's world when Benjy can say that he doesn't want monogamy.
Benjy said that he really likes Ivy. She got really upset about it when she realized that he wanted to keep dating other people. He said that in the long term he was going to want to date and she wasn't cool with that anymore. Benjy said that she was very upset and there was a lot of crying going on.
Benjy said that he was going to date and she'd get upset. He didn't even have another woman though. Artie wondered who tells a woman that he's going to date other women when he doesn't even have another woman to date. Gary asked if they should get Ivy on the phone.
Howard asked Benjy if he's with her or not. Benjy said that they decided to go out and date and she tried to make him feel bad by hitting on a guy in front of him at Artie's comedy show. He said he would never do something like that to her. He said he did spend New Year's Eve with her.
Benjy said that he thought that he should just be up front with Ivy in the beginning. That's all he was doing. He said he won't have a problem finding other women if he breaks things off with Ivy. Howard played the clip of Benjy and Ivy having sex one time. Benjy recorded the session where he was using his fingers on her. Artie liked that Howard had called Benjy ''George Ballooney'' at one point during the conversation and said it was good to be back to work.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he gets a bunch of texts from Ivy every day and he's not so sure what's going on there. He said that he thinks that it might be Ivy who is giving up on Benjy. Benjy said that he really does care about her. Dominic said that Ivy wanted him to be a judge on some new TV show she was going to produce. Benjy said that he was the one who told her to contact him about that. Dominic just laughed as Howard hung up on him.
Howard said that Benjy's move to tell Ivy that he's going to date other people when he's got no one else is kind of classless. He said that he's got daughters himself and he doesn't want guys telling them that he's going to go get other chicks if he's not going to have other chicks. Benjy said that he was just being honest with her because he doesn't want to get married.
Howard was coming up with more names for Benjy like Huge Hefner and Huge Heffer. Artie threw in an ''Eww Hefner'' as well. Benjy said that he was trying to be nice to Ivy by breaking the news to her early so he wouldn't hurt her later on.
Howard said that he could have been a class act and not told her that he wanted to see other people now. He could have just gone with the relationship for now and then break it off in the future if he feels he wants to move on to other chicks.
Benjy said that he's looking to have a relationship with a woman where he can swing with other people. He let Ivy know that right from the start. Howard told him that he's just going about it all wrong. They went back and forth on that for quite a while. Howard said that Benjy should really be dating a dead person and drag her around like Weekend at Bernie's. Artie said that Benjy is basically telling Ivy that she's not the girl for him when he tells her what he told her.
Howard said he was done with this and he was done wasting his breath on him. Benjy said that Howard always seems to have a chip on his shoulder about him. Howard said of course he does. He sounded like he was going to go to break but he continued to go off on Benjy about stringing Ivy along in this crazy, sadistic trip he's on. He's just being mean. Benjy doesn't think he's being mean but Howard told him he really is.
Howard said he did some things wrong when he was dating. He said that he'd do things differently now and he'd break things off when he was tired of going out with them and wanted someone else. He said that this is only when you're fucking a girl. If you're just dating, that's a different story. He said that women who let guys fuck them are expecting something from the guy.
Ivy called in so Howard told her he feels really bad for her. She said that he may need to grow up and go out and play the field. She said that he's such a great guy and maybe other women will find that now that she's talked about it on the air. Howard said that if he really cares for her he should treat her the right way.
Ivy said that she stopped dating other guys that she was seeing because she liked him so much. He's not even her type and she continued to stop seeing other people. She likes more ''bad-ass'' types of guys but she put that stuff on hold while she was going out with Benjy.
Ivy said that she can't go out with other people and bang them while she's going out with Benjy. She said that she's just not like that. Benjy said that he really cares about her and asked her if she knows that. She said that he cares for her but he also cares for himself even more. Howard said that Benjy should just enjoy her while he can and let things play out. He told him that he should just see where things can go. Benjy said that he knows up front that he doesn't want to settle down with one woman. Howard told him that he shouldn't be dating when he's seeing Ivy. Howard said he wants everything but he can't have it all.
Howard told Benjy that if he cares for her, he'd tell her right now that he should break up. He started to talk to her but Howard told him he was doing it all wrong. Howard told Ivy, as Benjy, that they're going to break up. Benjy said that it wasn't him saying that though. He didn't really want to break up with her. Ivy said that he's not even a rock star or anything. Howard said that he's George Ballooney, Huge Heffer or one of those people. Artie threw in ''Fat Damon'' and cracked himself up.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy really does have feelings for Ivy but he's trying to distance himself from her for some odd reason. Benjy said that he doesn't get how Bubba can get away with the stuff that he does with his wife. Howard told him that's different. What Benjy wants may not be what Ivy wants. Bubba and his wife Heather have a different kind of relationship.
Howard said that he'd like to stick his dick in Ivy right now but he doesn't want to screw over Beth. He said that he might care more about Ivy than Benjy does at this point. Benjy said that he wasn't going to have sex with her anymore. Ivy said that she broke things off with him last week though. Ivy said that they did have sex on New Year's day though. Howard said that not that many women want to fuck Benjy and he's taking this all wrong.
Ivy said that she was upset with Benjy not spending Christmas with her and she wasn't sure if he was going to be with her on New Year's Eve either. He wouldn't commit to anything. Howard said that he was sorry for Ivy but he had to wrap things up.
Benjy said that he cares a lot for Ivy but Howard cut him off and wrapped up with Ivy. He let her go and said that he really likes Benjy a lot too but he's not doing the right thing. Howard told Benjy that he'll never understand this stuff and he can't explain it to him. Artie said that he can never get close to women either so he's just as much of a shithead as Benjy is.
Howard took a phone call from this guy Roger who designed his Christmas card. Roger said he did that picture months ago and didn't expect it to be used as his Christmas card. He said that it was very cool that he sent him a box of stuff. He asked to get a tour of the studio too so Howard said that's fine and put him on hold.
Robin said that she can't believe that Benjy and Ivy are done already. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to drive his truck into a tree over this Benjy thing. He just can't give an answer for anything. Another caller said that he noticed that Fred was cursing a lot during the History of Howard Stern special. Howard said that Fred actually has a foul mouth.
Howard said he watched The Biggest Loser and the season finale should have been the best of the shows of the season. He said that whoever directs that show should be in a Mexican jail right now. He said they finally have the show and the camera guy pulled back the camera and showed the audience and not the people who lost the weight. Then the guy who won was showing all of this emotion and they cut to the host. He said that these people who direct don't know what they're doing. He said that they should stay with the action. Robin agreed and said that they should stick with the winners. Howard said he wanted to strangle someone when he saw that show.
Howard said that Regis and Kelly had Brad Pitt on their show. That's a big guest for the show. He said that he wishes that he could play the interview because it was such a hideous interview. He said they were probably told not to talk about certain things and they weren't able to do a good interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he still uses condoms with Beth. Howard said he does and the guy couldn't believe it. Howard said that he doesn't want his woman taking pills that could possibly give her cancer or something. He said he's read a lot of things about those birth control pills and he doesn't want anything to do with that stuff. He heard that they can increase the chance of strokes. That led to them playing some Dick Clark clips from New Year's Eve.
Howard said that a rubber really doesn't slow him down all that much. He prefers that feel over skin on skin contact. Artie said that it's so great when you enter a woman that you're really attracted to. He said it feels so good that you know that some god had to have created that.
Howard said he watched Adam Sandler's ''Chuck and Larry'' and liked it. Robin told him that he'd really love ''Superbad'' too if he saw it. Howard said that he rented this movie called ''Intimate Research'' that looked like it might be good but it turned out to be awful. He said that it was really boring and there was no nudity or anything. He said that it really was bad and it's not even worth renting.
Howard said he stayed in most of the vacation but he did go out on New Year's Eve to Le Cirque. He said he got a new suit from this guy who does suits for Dominic Barbara. He said that the suit was great and it's the first one that really fit him well. Artie had one done by that guy and it turned out to be great too.
Howard said that he saw the Amy Fisher video where she was having sex with her husband. He said he told Beth that she wasn't going to make it through more than two minutes of it. She wanted to see it so he put it on for her. They watched some of that and she asked him to turn it off. He threw it right in the garbage. He said that it was so non-sexual that he and Beth didn't have sex for two days after watching it.
Howard said that Double A gave him a bottle of Vodka and got Beth some stuff from Victoria's Secret. He said he was going to send him a thank you note but he didn't even know where he'd send it to. Artie said he knows of a pizza place he hangs out at so he could send it there.
Howard played a clip from that Amy Fisher video where she and her husband were getting it on. Everyone was grossed out just hearing the clip. Artie said that guy's voice is really creepy. Howard played a little more of that and creeped everyone out some more. Howard figures that those two are into a lot of weird stuff. They were picking apart the guy's accent and delivery as he was talking dirty to Amy.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Amy's husband pitched the video to them at In Demand one time and he had to sit through the video in the meeting. Doug said that he and Rob from In Demand had to watch it with the guy and it was very weird. He said that he actually thought some of the scenes were kind of amusing.
Howard played some more of the clip and continued to goof on the guy and the way he said ''pussy'' which came out more like ''poosy'' with the accent. They had to go to break after that.
Howard played the interview and Regis is going nuts over the guy. Regis talks about how great his hat is even though it's just a regular hat. Then Kelly talks about how she was all freaked out over what to wear. Regis was talking about a picture he took with Brad and there was nothing there. They weren't asking him any questions about anything that people want to know about. Brad was barely saying a word. He'd throw in a few words here and there but not really doing much of an interview.
At one point Brad corrects Regis and Kelly telling them that they're the Jolie-Pitt family, not just the Pitt family. Howard said he was going nuts as he was watching this interview because they weren't asking him about anything interesting. He figures that they were told they couldn't ask him about any of the good stuff so that's why it was so awful.
Steve said that they also heard that Robin and Jim Florentine flew down to Florida together. Howard couldn't believe that. Robin laughed so Howard figured that they have to be banging if that's the case. He said that he's very happy for her. She said that she didn't pay for the tickets either. Jim took her down there with him. Howard said that this is a whole new story then. He said that she made it sound like she stumbled upon him down there in Florida.
Robin said that she and Jim figured they got away with it and no one had spotted them. Artie said she's got to be kidding, at Newark Airport no Stern fans are going to see her? Steve said that they got the call just moments after their flight had taken off. It didn't take any time at all.
Howard said that it seems that love is in the air. Howard said he's not that naive and she can't see anyone this long and not fuck him. He figured that she stayed in the hotel with him too. She said she guesses so but then said that she knows nothing.
Steve said that Fred did an interview with a blogger and mentioned that he didn't think that Howard's show would last more than 3 months when they first started out. They also have a story about Rev. Bob Levy getting engaged over the vacation. He's not even legally divorced from his second wife yet. Artie said that some people are addicted to chaos. He said that this girl is a sweetheart and she'll be good for Bob. He said he got the whole scoop and heard that Bob ate blue cheese dressing out of a chick's ass and then asked this girlfriend of his if he wanted to marry him.
Artie said that he thinks Bob met this chick on the internet somewhere, maybe on SFN, and they've been dating for a while now. He said that he hopes that she'll be okay for him but Bob is still living with his ex-wife who isn't his ex-wife yet. She apparently kicked him out of the house and he might be living in a hotel now.
Artie said that if they can work out the details they'll be good together. Howard said that Bob isn't even divorced yet so he may not be able to get married. Artie said there's more to it than that but he doesn't want to say anything right now. They're going to get Bob on the show and ask him about it.
A phone caller said that Steve Langford is really good getting that Robin and Jim story. Steve said that it's really the fans who are giving them the info. Howard asked Robin if she's in love. Robin said ''Nooo'' and laughed as she was saying it. Howard said he felt bad for her after hearing that. He figured that they were in love if they were spending so much time together.
Artie said that he hasn't worked with Jim since about November so he hasn't heard much from him. He said that going away to a gig with Jim and then hanging out with him on New Year's Eve at a comedy show is a big deal. Fred went into his Jim impression again and said that Robin was going to be with him at a lot of upcoming gigs.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she figured that Robin and Jim would move in together this year but now she thinks that they're already together. She asked what kind of protection she's using but Robin just laughed again and again as she was questioned.
Bob called in a short time later and told Howard that he's definitely divorced. He's been divorced for 3 years now. Bob said that he's known his fiancé for about a year now. He said that his life is pretty fucked up as it is so this isn't all that crazy.
Howard heard that Bob didn't even know his fiancé's last name the night he got engaged. Artie said they asked Bob at the New Year's Eve show and he didn't know what the name was. Howard asked Bob how he can get engaged to someone and not know their last name. Bob said that he just didn't know how to say it, he knew the name. He doesn't know her parent's names either. He said that her birthday was April 27th but it sounded like he may not know for sure. Bob said that he did meet her parents one time and he can't remember their names. She just calls them mom and dad.
Artie asked if they could talk about this whole thing that's going on this weekend. Bob said it was fine. Artie said that he likes this girl that Bob is with. He said that all of this came down really quickly. He said that he told Bob that maybe he should have a long engagement but that's not what he wants to do. He said he went home that night from the New Year's thing and the next day he got a call from Bob. Bob tells him that he's going out to Vegas to the AVN awards. Bob asked him what time he was landing because they're getting married at 5 o'clock that day they get there.
Howard asked Bob why he's getting married so quick. Bob said that he knows that she's right for him and he wants to make it happen. He said he's changed his life and he's been living with this chick for 5 days now. He said that she got him off the booze. Robin said that was the medication that did that.
Artie said that Bob asked him to be his best man at the wedding. Howard said that he heard that JD is going to be the ring bearer too. Bob said that's not true though. Bob said that he can't stay in the basement for the rest of his life so he has to get out of there. Artie said that he's going to be his best man unless his flight is delayed.
Artie said that he agrees with Howard about the waiting period. He said that he thinks that he should put it off for a while. Yucko said that he's going out there for the wedding too and he thinks that she's a great girl too. Artie said that the wedding is going to be full of a bunch of bozos. They're doing this wedding at one of these little chapels out there where they hold a wedding every hour. Yucko's girlfriend is going to be the maid of honor.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he'd like to tape the wedding with 4 cameras from Howard TV to cover it. Bob said that they get a tape from the chapel that's about an hour long. Artie said that he called his favorite hooker out there in Vegas so she's going to fly in to be his date.
Howard thanked Bob and Yucko for calling in and let them go. Howard said that he gives Bob's marriage a year. Artie said that he thinks that she's going to be good for him though.
Howard said that they're like one of those new people who show up at a civil service job and work too hard so the other employees have to tell them to slow their work down. Howard said that they actually did some work and ruined it for everyone. He said that they really are dick heads, he admits it.
Gary said he was talking to Carol Miller about the Led Zeppelin concert she went to over in England. She told him that it was the greatest concert she'd been too. Robin said she hopes that they go out on tour. That led to the guys talking about them and about some of the tribute bands that they've heard about or seen. Howard said that there was this Doors tribute band and the lead singer used to climb around the rafters like Jim Morrison would do and one time he fell out of the ventilation system and almost killed himself.
Fred played some Led Zeppelin songs and also one of Sal's Baba Booey song parodies to the tune of a Doors song. Howard said that Sal's Christmas Special was good with all of the various Christmas song parodies he played.
The guys talked about Robin and Jim for a short time and then Jon said that they'll be talking about Benjy and Ivy and their relationship advice from Howard. He said they'll also be talking about Bob Levy's engagement and everything else discussed on the show.
Howard had Steve the Intern come in after that to give them a preview of what he had coming up tonight on The Intern Show. Howard ended up playing some clips from the last Intern Show where they were talking about their lack of gifts or even a goodbye from Robin. They went off on her about her messy office and how she throws paper on the floor and leaves full drinks all over the place.
Gary came in and said that they had a girl who worked at the station when they were at K-Rock and Robin didn't say goodbye to her after her semester was over and she ended up crying over it. Robin just walked right by her and said a quick goodbye instead of saying something nice and thanking her.
Howard said that the interns also went off on the intern that Howard got in the secret Santa thing. They were upset about that. They went off on her for being that lucky person. Artie said that she stopped by his comedy show at Caroline's and she was carrying around the Mark Jacobs bag that Howard got for her. He said that this intern show really shows what the real world is like and how bitter people are. Steve gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up tonight on The Intern Show and Howard let him go.
Howard said that he was reading this thing down in Mexico about how the country singers down there were being killed. He said that a lot of country singers are backed by the gang members down there and they sing about it so they end up getting killed or go missing. Howard said that was just another reason he didn't want to go into town while he was on vacation down there.
Robin read more stories about people getting shot during the New Year's celebrations around the country. Howard said that he was laying in a chaise lounge down in Mexico next to Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy told him that he wet the bed one night down there. He wasn't sure why that happened and he didn't care if Howard talked about it on the air.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman got a spray tan for vacation and her legs turned orange so they were goofing on that. Howard mentioned that John Stamos had a country singer with him down there in Mexico. He's on the tear through women that Benjy only wishes he was on. Robin said that John is amazing and there are a lot of things that she wishes she could bring up on the air but she can't.
Robin talked about the tiger attack that happened out in California and how the kids who were attacked had slingshots with them. They could have been teasing the tiger when they were attacked. She read through that story and had Howard playing some news clips about it.
Howard said he saw the Kennedy Center Honors show about Steve Martin. He thought that Steve Carrell didn't do justice for Steve Martin because he was joking around a little too much about him. He said that it went on a little too long and Steve didn't get his due. He said that he thinks that he should be honored by that thing but it'll never happen. Robin told him he could do his Kennedy bits for them and goof on Ted Kennedy in front of him. That led to Howard doing his ''Err-uh'' Kennedy impression and goofing on him for a few minutes.
Howard said that he was thinking about the bit he'd do if he heard the name Schlossberg mentioned during an honors show for him. He was goofing on that for a short time. Robin got back to her news after that and talked about all of the college football games that were going on during the New Year's Day holiday.
Robin read a story about an elderly woman who was in a coma for over 9 weeks after eating an e-coli tainted hamburger. Howard said he'd rather have that than a McRib sandwich. He said that they found the bit that Sam Kinison did about the McRib and played that real quick. In the clip Sam is talking about the McRib sandwich and how great that idea was. He said that it's like they're using people as guinea pigs and the next thing you know they're going to offer a McShit sandwich. Artie said that the hamburgers at Yankee stadium are rock hard and just about glow. He said they're shit but he loves them.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman got her spray tan done at a spa down there in Mexico and figured that no one would know it was her. She overheard someone saying that Sarah Silverman was in the other room getting a spray tan though. Howard said that Jimmy was also part of the History of Howard Stern special and he has to send him a thank you note for doing that. He has to do that for everyone who was involved with it.
Robin mentioned that the Iowa Caucuses are taking place today. That led to the guys talking about that for a few minutes. That somehow led to Howard replaying the clips of Amy Fisher's sex tape with her creepy husband talking about her ''pink poosy.''
Howard read through some e-mail feedback during the news. They got a lot of positive mail about the History of Howard Stern special. He read through a few of those. He also got one about Eric the Midget and how the fan doesn't want him to give up on him. There are people who don't want to hear anymore about Benjy and Ivy on the show. Someone went off on Robin over the way she treated the guy who gave her the wind chimes for Christmas. Robin said she got more wind chimes from someone else.
Howard asked Robin what Jim got her for Christmas. She said he got her that trip to Florida and a bottle of wine. She got him some movies that he hadn't seen so he can watch them on the plane when he's flying around the country.
Robin said the other set of wind chimes she got came from some friends who visit her house so she's going to have to hang those. She said that they obviously don't listen to the show. If they had, they'd know that she doesn't want wind chimes.
Robin read a story about a former NY Yankee player who was involved in a DUI accident and ended up killing the person he hit. Artie said that the story is crazy because the guy knew the woman he hit and he was driving with a suspended license. Robin read that Eddie Murphy just got married. She also read a story about Paris Hilton and spent a minute talking about that. They talked about Britney Spears' sister getting knocked up at 16 years old.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about some of the movies and TV shows that they've been watching lately. Robin said that she saw some guy on the airplane watching ''I Am Legend'' and it was a perfect copy. Howard was very interested in seeing that one. Gary said that he'd see if they could get that one for him from the movie studio. Howard said that's his fantasy to be left as the only person in New York City. Robin started to fill Howard in about what the movie was about and said that Will Smith plays a microbiologist.
Robin wrapped up her news a short time later and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Jon took a call from Brian from North Carolina who said that he was listening to the History of Howard Stern and fell off his ladder when he laughed at something that was played. Gary said that he was listening to the part where Howard was talking about getting fired from NBC. He said that he sat there for 45 minutes in his car at the mall because he was so riveted to the radio. He said it's very weird to hear his life story being told on the radio and being told well.
Jon said that he has access to those old tapes but they really put it together so well that he had to salute the guys who put it together. Gary said that he wanted them to get to his part quickly so he could be part of the group as they were coming together. IT brought back some memories for him when he was listening.
They played a clip of Howard and Artie goofing on Benjy about the George Ballooney thing. Gary said he could see that Benjy was trying to move on and try to explain himself but Artie and Robin were goofing on him so much that he couldn't get it out.
Gary said that you can't script love and you have to take it one day at a time. Benjy is trying to script it. Gary said that Benjy is thinking too much. Benjy said that he wants to date different women right now and he does want to get married some day. He said that he doesn't think that he wants a monogamous relationship. Gary asked him if he's even been in a relationship where he has sex with more than one woman. Benjy said that he can't see not wanting to be with another woman. He said that maybe it would be touching only or something but he doesn't want his woman being in that same type of thing.
Benjy thinks that most guys cheat but he wants to be honest about it and not just go out and cheat. He said that he still cares about her and just wanted to be up front with her.
Jon went to the phones and picked up on Dan who said that Benjy wasn't like this with his last girlfriend. He asked if that's what ended that one. Benjy said that's basically it but he didn't want to talk about that. Benjy said that he could have a lot of fun with Ivy for the next few years but he was being up front with her in the beginning. He claims that she asked him to give it a try to 3 months and see how it works. He didn't want to do that though because he figured it wouldn't work. Gary said you never know though and he's really thinking ahead too much and he should just go with it. Jon said that he should just go with it and react instead of plan.
Jon took another call but the guy wasn't there. Wayne in Baltimore asked what's going on with Robin and Jim. Gary asked him what he thinks is going on. Wayne thinks that they're banging, so does Gary. Gary said that she thinks out her answers and has something to cover her when she is asked about that stuff.
Another caller said that Jim and Robin have to be getting it on. They're staying in the same hotel and all of that. Gary said that she just wants to keep it private. They'll keep needling her about it and they'll get more details over time. They'll eventually get it out of her. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Benjy about his New Year's Eve with Ivy. He said that he went to Wyclef Jean's house with Ivy and had a good time. Gary asked Benjy about an e-mail that Benjy sent to him over the holidays about how he went out and found a Santa suit at 3 in the morning to wear for Ivy on Christmas. He found the suit on Criagslist.com and went and picked it up at 3 in the morning.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's never seen Benjy but if she's as great as she sounds, he should stick with her and be grateful for what he's got. He said that he's got to take these things and stick with them while he can. He said that the spreading the seed thing has to stop, that's for teenagers. He said that he's not going to have his looks for too long and he should take what he can get when he can get it. Benjy said that he wants to be free to be with other women.
The guys talked to Benjy about that and Gary told him that it's going to be very hard to do as he gets older. Benjy said that he's being open about it on the air and that may hurt him because now everyone will think that any girl he dates is into what he wants. He said that might not be the case. Jon told him that he's going in way too deep with his thinking. Gary said he knows a guy who is into something similar and it's working for him so maybe it can work for Benjy.
A caller asked Gary how they deal with Howard not responding to questions when he's asked certain things on the air. Gary said that it's Howard's show and it's up to him if he wants to talk about something or not. He said that he and Artie will bring up sports and Howard will change subjects because he's not as into it as they are.
Gary said that the biggest thing that he's dealing with is trying to get his thoughts out when Howard, Artie and Robin are talking about something.
The caller, Kevin, said that he likes hearing Howard, Robin, Artie and Fred but he'd like to hear other people's opinions sometimes. He said that Howard cut someone off today when they were talking about a movie they liked. He just wondered how they can deal with that. Gary said that Howard is just editing the show to keep it moving along.
Jon said he had to wrap things up but asked Gary what's going on with Bob Levy. Gary said he thought that Bob was still married but he's not sure, it sounds like he's not. They wrapped up a short time later and ended the show shortly before Noon.
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Howard started off the show saying that there was a guy on the phone asking who was going to be the best man at his wedding. He said that's a good question but he doesn't think that he's going to do that at all. Artie said that he should have his father do it but Howard said he's not going to do that. He said they're going to have a couple of small parties for the family and one for the friends. He doesn't want to do the big wedding thing, it's too weird.
Howard said he's still got a cold and he's really not feeling well. He said everything is effected when he's sick and he doesn't even want to think about that. Howard said he had to turn the heat on in his apartment last night and he hates doing that. It was only 59 degrees in his bedroom so he bumped it up to about 67.
Robin said that her heat will go down to 63 sometimes and she wonders what she's doing in there when it goes that low. Artie said he hates when it gets too hot in his apartment after turning on the heat and he wakes up in a sauna.
Howard picked up on the caller who wondered about the best man thing. He told the guy he won't be doing that. The caller said that he's got a lot of guys who want to do that. Dominic Barbara's name came up so Robin said that if it was Dominic, he'd probably pay for the whole wedding. Howard said it's not even about that, he wouldn't do it just for that. He said that Fred would be a good guy to do it too.
The best man at his first wedding was his childhood friend Dr. Lou. Artie suggested he screw Sal over and have Richard do it. Howard said that's an idea. The caller suggested they do a contest where they have someone Win Howard's Best Man Position and Howard seemed to like that idea too.
Howard said that there are so many different music services out there and there is no way that the two satellite companies are going to be a monopoly. Robin said that the government is really screwing people over in a lot of different ways. They were supposed to announce something before the end of the year but they still haven't come up with an answer.
Another caller told Howard that the republicans have been buying up radios over time and they're trying to stop this merger. Howard said it's not about that, it's much simpler than that. He said that the merger was supposed to go through but there's one congressman who came out and said that they have to slow down on this merger, even though it's been a year, and that's what's going on. It turns out that the guy has campaign contributions from Clear Channel and the guy isn't a Republican, he's a Democrat. Clear Channel is a competitor to satellite radio and if they're contributing large amounts of money to this congressman, he's going to listen to them.
Howard said that Rupert Murdoch got approved to merge his company with the Wall Street Journal almost immediately. This hold up of this merger makes no sense.
Howard took another call from a guy who wondered if the government cares about the people who actually own satellite radio. Howard said that they only care about who is going to make them rich after they retire from their positions in government. They want to know who is going to make them rich. Howard said that this whole thing has been irking him and he had to get it out.
Howard said Scott wasn't going to get another dog because of the pain of the whole thing. He said that Scott called him and asked about adopting a dog from the North Shore Animal League. Then he changed his mind and wanted to get a dog from a breeder. He asked Scott if he did any research because there are so many breeders out there who don't know what they're doing. You have to investigate, you can't just go on the internet and get a dog.
Howard said that Scott probably did no research at all. About 7 months ago he got a dog. All of a sudden the dog has double hip dysplasia and it needs an operation which will cost about $5,000 per side. He said that Scott then decided that he wanted to get rid of the dog. Scott said that they're deciding on what to do with the dog, they haven't decided to get rid of it yet.
Howard said Scott talked to Beth yesterday and told her that he's not attached to the dog and he wants to get rid of it. Howard said that Beth told him that if he does that, the dog is going to spend it's whole life in a cage. Scott said that's why he's looking into that, he wants to know what's going to happen to it. Howard said that maybe they should put Scott in a cage so he knows what it would be like.
Scott said that the dog is only 9 months old and he's looking into what he can do with it right now. Howard said that he obviously doesn't care about the dog. Scott said that his wife did some investigating before they got the dog and it seemed like the breeder was a good one to go to. Howard said that they now have a sick dog and the breeder won't take it back.
Robin asked Scott if he asked if he got any kind of guarantee on the health of it. He said he didn't. The dog is a golden retriever that's very aggressive and hard to control so that's another problem they have with her. He said that she always runs around like crazy and they can't keep her under control even after training. Howard said that he should have gotten a mature dog instead of a 9 month old puppy.
Artie said that he thinks that Scott is right and he would do the same thing. He wouldn't want to be bothered by the whole dog thing either. Howard said that he doesn't trust Scott now and he's going to do something to make sure that it doesn't end up in a cage the rest of it's life. He said that maybe Sam Simon will take it.
Howard said that this isn't even the first time he tried to get rid of the dog. Scott said that they tried to get rid of it in the beginning because it was so hard to control.
Gary said that Scott came to him and said that he wanted to see if they could find someone out there who can afford to get the hips fixed and take the dog.
Howard said he would do something to help the dog, he'd find a way to make it happen. Scott DePace came in and said that he'd euthanize the dog if it was his. He said that he should just have it put down and get another one. He said ''It's just a dog!'' Scott said that Robin abandoned her horse so she shouldn't be talking. Robin said that horse was taken care of so well that he'd want to be her horse. She said that she had a horse that was very hard to control and she had to spend thousands of dollars on it to make it right and eventually she was able to ride it.
Howard said that they were going to look into getting the hip operation done for Scott but Scott doesn't even want to deal with the rehabilitation. Gary asked DePace if he would kill his dog if it got sick. He said that his dog is 10 years old and he's attached to it so he wouldn't have it put down. DePace said that maybe Scott isn't attached to his dog, he's only had it for 7 months now.
Howard said that Scott shouldn't have any more animals because of that black cloud he has over his head. He told Gary to call Sam Simon and ask him if he can help out in this situation. He said that they're going to take care of this problem for him now.
Joey Boots called in and said that maybe Howard should take care of the operation and pay for it. Howard told Joey that Scott doesn't even want to do the rehab thing. Joey didn't seem to get that it was all about the rehab, not about the operation. Scott said that the dog has to have the operation and then you have to work with the dog and rehabilitate it. Joey changed his tune and told Scott that he's a retard.
Howard said he'll see if Sam Simon wants to get involved but Scott can't have any more animals. He said that he should rent Lassie or something and not get any more dogs.
Howard said he heard that Sal just gave away his dog too. He had to have the dog but then he gave it away. Sal came in and said that their dog was eating the furniture and he gave it to his mother-in-law to train it and they have it back now. They love the dog and they wouldn't give it away. It was just away for training.
Howard said that he was watching Norm MacDonald on some show last night talking about how he's pro-life and he thinks he's out of his mind. He said that it's fine to say that until you look into these lives of people who weren't wanted and how miserable they are.
Artie said he feels bad for Scott but he did get him into this position himself. Howard said that Scott DePace is a weird guy too. He was going to tell a story about him but he ended up talking more to Scott the Engineer about what he really wants to do with the dog. Scott said he's really not looking forward to doing anything with the dog. He said that he'd like the dog to be healthy but he knows that won't happen. Scott said he's trying to figure out what he wants to happen. He said that it's tough to leave the dog but they don't want to kill it.
Everyone told Scott to be honest about this and tell them what he wants to happen. Scott said he was being honest and they're really not sure what they should do. They're researching what they can do with the dog. He said that they'd like to keep the dog but they're torn over the whole thing. Howard told Scott to make the call right now and let him know exactly what he wants to do. Scott said that his wife is really distraught over this and it's hurting her deep down.
Howard asked him what he wants to do with Maggie the dog. He said he doesn't want to spend more time on this. Scott said he didn't ask him to but Howard said that when he goes around asking everyone about what to do, he is asking him. Scott said that they want to keep the dog. That means that he's going to keep it, have the operation and rehab it. Howard said he was done with the conversation then. He said he can't make the decision without his wife's input.
Fred said that he's had two dogs and spent a lot of money on them over the years. He said that Scott's breeder should have taken the dog back when they found out that they had a problem. Scott said that they did offer them another puppy but they didn't want Maggie back so they would have had two dogs. Fred also suggested that Scott try to give the dog to Sam Simon to see if he can take care of it.
Fred said that he spent a lot of money on one of the dogs he had and it didn't live more than two years after the operation they had. He said it was very painful to deal with. He said that Scott should have gone to a shelter to adopt a dog. He didn't do that and now he has to live with that decision.
The guy said that Scott was looking to get out of this whole thing and that's why he's asking everyone there about what he should do. He wants people to tell him he's not a scumbag. Fred told Scott that Sam Simon would be his best bet at this point.
Artie asked Fred what he would do if Sam won't take the dog. Fred said he'd have to deal with that when that problem comes up. Scott said that he'd like to explore that option with Sam. Howard said that he wants a decision one way or the other. He said that he has to decide if he wants to get rid of the dog or not.
Howard took a call from a Michael Vick impersonator (Sal) who told Scott that he was a bald headed cracker. Double A called in and told Howard that he bonded with his dog the first day he got it so he doesn't understand what Scott's problem is. He said that Scott was able to decide that he wanted to have a cock up his ass for $250,000 but this dog thing he can't decide on. Howard thanked Double A for the Christmas gifts he got from him and let him go after that.
Howard said they're going to have to look into other things if Sam won't take the dog. It's obvious that Scott doesn't want the dog. He told Scott not to come to him when he gets sick because he won't help him out. Scott said that they do care about this dog and it's a tough decision to make. His wife is upset about the whole thing and this isn't as easy as they think it is.
Howard asked Scott to put a sign on his head that says he can't own anymore dogs. He asked him not to get another dog if he sets this thing up with Sam Simon. Scott said he can't make that decision, it's not up to him. He said that he and his wife make those decisions together. Scott said that if his wife wants another dog, they may get another one. Howard said that he has to be kidding about that. After they abandon a dog they might get another one. Howard put the word out to all breeders that they can't give another dog to Scott the Engineer.
Artie asked what's involved in the rehab thing. The guys told him that the dog just has to stay quiet for a few months. Artie said that this is kind of fucked up if Scott can't even deal with that. Howard said that this is really fucked up and this shows just how messed up Scott is. He told Scott that it's enough with the dogs and he can't handle something like this. He told him to go back to his office after that.
Robin said that she thinks that it's more about them not liking that dog than anything else. She's seen other things like this before and that's what's going on there. Howard said that it always becomes his problem. He said he's never heard anything from Fred or Robin about this kind of thing even though they've had pet problems. Fred took care of his problems like an adult and Howard said he never thought he'd be able to say something like that. Fred said that his dog had to go through chemotherapy and that was really rough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they'd be happy to take the dog. They have a bunch of cats that they care for and they would like to help out with this dog. He said he knows it's tough but that's what you have to deal with when you have a pet. Howard put the guy on hold so Gary could talk to him. He said this might be an option for Scott. Howard said that guy was a stand up kind of guy. Howard said he was dealing with this whole thing yesterday after the show and he couldn't believe what was going on.
Howard said that no one wants to take care of their own problems. That led into a clip from Ellen Degeneres' show where she broke down crying while talking about how the dog she had adopted and given to another family was taken back by the shelter she got it from. Howard said that she's a fuckin' asshole. He goofed on her saying that she created the mess herself.
Howard said that no one in his audience could possibly be watching that shit. He said he has to watch it to monitor what's going on out there. He continued to goof on Ellen throughout the clip and made fun of everything she was saying about that dog. He pointed out that she had done the same thing like 5 other times. She'd adopt a dog, it wouldn't work out, then she'd give it away to someone else. Howard said they should have marched her out of there after the show and right into a mental institution.
Howard said that Ellen's explanation was really lame. She claimed that the dog was too rambunctious but she did the same thing with 5 other dogs. He said that a mental patient has a television show. He let the whole clip play through and goofed on Ellen the whole time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth is turning Howard into a pussy with all of this dog talk. Howard said that it's not about dogs, it's about taking responsibility for what you do. He said that there are people out there who have kids and have no health insurance. You have to take responsibility for what you do. We have to pay tons of money in taxes to pay for people's behavior. He said that the caller isn't getting the big picture here.
Howard said that he has so much respect for property and people that he won't even spit in the street. The caller made a hocking sound so Howard said he can't talk to him and hung up. He played more of the Ellen clip and goofed on that a little more. He said that the whole audience was filled with mental patients as well because they were all clapping after Ellen broke down.
Howard said that they're going to try and help Scott out with this whole thing. He said that maybe Sam Simon or the guy on the phone can help. He said that they're going to help Scott clean up his mess. The guys continued to talk about the dog thing. Artie said that he saw some of ''I Am Legend'' and Will Smith's character has a dog and it looks like it's pretty good. Robin saw the movie and she was kind of let down by the computer generated graphics. She said it really didn't look real to her.
Eric said that he was calling because someone reported him dead last week. Robin said that no one noticed either. Eric said that no one would notice her if she died either. Howard said that was great to hear and thanked Eric for calling in. He wasn't even sure if he was the real Eric though. He asked Eric to prove that he was himself.
Artie said that Eric claims that he hates them but he listens to them all the time and then goes off on them if they say something to him. Eric said that there was a hot blond paying attention to him on the JFSC.tv web site. He said that she was ''on cam'' talking to him. They goofed on him about the whole cam thing until Ralph called in.
Howard ended up talking to Robin about the whole Jim Florentine thing and how that was the big talk of the day. Ralph said that you don't do stuff like they're doing until after about 2 years of dating. Howard said he was asked what he thought was going on with them and he thinks that Robin is in love with Jim. He said that things are heating up now and she's spending the night with him in a hotel room. Ralph called in and said he thinks that Robin is letting loose finally.
Howard said that some people think that Jim is up to no good because the girl he dated before was the complete opposite of Robin. Artie said that Jim likes all types of women though so that's not right. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on there.
Howard said that Robin is in control of her life now and she's experiencing a renaissance now. That's what he figures is going on with Jim. He said the only thing he feels strange about is that Robin can't come out of the closet about her love. He thinks that she's under some kind of delusion thinking that she'll be hurt if she does admit to it and things fall apart in the future.
Howard said he doesn't know what the hell Jim is up to but he thinks that he is into her and really likes her. He asked Robin if she wanted to comment on that stuff. Robin said that she doesn't know why he makes up this stuff in his head and makes a big deal out of it. Howard asked Robin if she's in love. She said that she cannot say. Howard said that must mean that she is in love. Robin said that she and Jim were together for five days down there in Florida.
Howard asked Robin if the love hit her fast or slow. She was giggling and laughing through the whole conversation. She said that she's actually amazed by Jim and how great of a person he is. Howard said that he wouldn't go that far. Robin said that Jim is actually a deep thinker and he has opinions on a lot of stuff. Artie was making a face and looking at her like she was out of her mind. Artie said that it's an odd match up but he's very happy for her.
Howard asked Eric if he was still there and what he thinks of this whole love. Eric said that he met Jim just once so he's not sure what to think. Robin asked him if he thinks that Jim is running a scam on her. Howard asked what kind of scam he could possibly be trying to pull. No one thought that Jim was trying to do anything sneaky. Ralph said that if he was, he's probably past that now and actually likes Robin.
Ralph asked Robin if Jim has ever done her from behind. Robin said that she's not going to talk about any of that stuff with them.
Howard said that Jim paid for everything down in Florida according to Robin. Robin was just laughing hearing all of this stuff. Howard said that he's going to predict that she never needed her K-Y jelly with Jim because she's so into him. Robin didn't answer and just laughed some more. Artie agreed with him on that and said that Jim paying for that whole trip was something else. He said that Jim had to terrorize a lot of telemarketers to pay for that trip.
Howard said that Robin is probably so into Jim that she doesn't need lube and that proves that a woman has to be into the man she's with to get wet. Howard asked Eric if he thinks that's the case. Eric said ''I guess so...'' and didn't have much else to add to that.
Howard said he wishes Robin the best because her happiness means a lot to him. Ralph asked her if Jim had to pay for all of her $600 massages that she gets when she goes on vacation. Robin laughed and laughed through the whole thing.
Fred was doing his Jim Florentine impression and goofing around with that for a while. He was saying that he and Robin had listened to some Kenny G while they were getting a massage together and played some Kenny G as they were talking about that.
Howard thanked Ralph and Eric the Midget, who is alive and well, for calling in. Ralph said that Eric was all upset about Howard not picking up the phone on him but then when he does get on he has nothing to say. Eric said he was waiting for the berry faced idiot to shut the hell up. Howard let both of them go a short time later and went to commercial break.
Lisa came in and said that she finally found Randy Baungarten who used to work with Howard at WNBC. She said that she spoke to him about working with Howard and about some Imus stuff as well. She even had an audio clip to play where Randy was talking about the gold watch that they got for Imus back when they shot a commercial for NBC.
Lisa also said that she found this guy Buzzy Linhard who was mentioned quickly during the show. She said that he was thrilled that Howard talked about him yesterday. He's had some problems over the years and got hit by a car twice in the past 20 years. He's 64 years old now.
Lisa said she also spoke to Bob Levy's fiancé who said that Bob's proposal to her at the comedy show was ''very him'' and she's looking forward to the marriage.
Gary said that she was in the first wave of wack packers and they used to hang out together all the time. Howard TV is going to air a special about her tomorrow. Howard and Robin were both upset about her death.
The guys talked about that for a minute. Then Howard said that he thinks that Artie would be really happy to do appearances like that and just show up at parties and get paid for it. That led to them talking about Artie's New Year's Eve party and how he was getting plastered there because everyone was running up and handing him shots the whole night. The place has 3000 seats so there were a ton of people in there. He said that they were giving him huge shots even though they asked security to make sure that didn't happen.
Artie said that he did a total of about 16 shots of tequila while he was on stage. He said that he's been trying to avoid getting drunk on stage after he did the Carnegie Hall thing. He's been really good about it until this New Year's Eve thing. He said everyone had fun out there. Robin said her friends were there and they said that Artie was really polluted.
Artie said there was one guy in the front row who was really annoying so he was going to puke on the guy by the end of the night. The crowd hated the guy and he really would have puked on him if he had been able to throw up. It would have been the greatest ending ever if he had been able to do that. He said he was telling the guy he wished that he could puke on him because he was so annoyed by him.
Howard played some more of the news report about the celebrities who were paid to show up to host parties on New Year's Eve. Howard talked about what a mess Lindsay Lohan is for a short time. He played more of the news report where they talked about Pam Anderson, Britney Spears and others getting paid to show up to those parties. Howard said that the whole club scene is nuts because if you're not the hot, new club, you go out of business.
Artie said that he's been offered money to just show up to parties like that and that's really an annoying thing for celebrities to do.
Gary came in with some pictures of Lindsay Lohan lap dancing some dude at a party. The guys talked about what a dirty girl she seemed to be. Artie thinks that he's going to run into her at a club some day and he will probably end up fucking her somehow.
Howard read an article about Chris Rock's recent comedy show at Madison Square Garden. They quoted some of the jokes he told during the show and Howard was amused by a bunch of the lines. He read some of the quotes and laughed a bit. Howard said that he had to take another break after that.
The guys talked about how there are a lot of judge shows like that out there and they now have black judges yelling at white people. Artie said that this guy Judge Mathis is very street sounding when he yells at people so it's pretty entertaining.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using some Judge Judy audio clips. He said he was going to play some of the COPS clips but he also wanted to play some of the late night show clips. He said that he got a note from Letterman's people asking him to do a walk on but he wasn't feeling so good and didn't want to do that. He also wasn't sure what to think since the writer's strike is still going on.
Howard said he doesn't understand the whole thing. Artie said that he got more of an explanation about the strike and they really are getting ripped off. Howard said that Letterman's producer sent over a note saying that they made a deal with the Writer's Guild so that's why they're able to do the show. Howard said that the networks still haven't settled though so it's going to be an impact on the writers. CBS still hasn't settled with the writers so the whole thing was kind of weird.
Howard said that he didn't want to do this walk on because it didn't make sense to him. He was supposed to walk out and ask Dave about the writer's strike. Howard said that Leno had Mike Huckabee on his show and he was talking about breaking up the picket line.
Howard heard that they gave Biff the line that he was supposed to say on the show. He said that he was trying to do the line himself yesterday and it just didn't come out very well, he's not good at doing stuff like that.
Howard said that Leno's writer's are still on strike and Mike Huckabee claimed he didn't know they still were. Artie said that's just politician bullshit.
Howard said that Letterman came out with a big grey beard and Conan came out with his red beard. He figures it's some kind of solidarity thing. He said that Leno is probably thinking that he should have come out with a beard as well.
Howard played a clip from Leno's show where he was talking to Stuttering John for about 2 seconds. The intro was so short that Howard had to replay it to hear it. Artie said he spoke to John over the holidays and he's not sure what he can say about him getting paid or not but he said that John was kind of panicking about the strike because he wasn't sure how long it was going to go on.
Howard played some of Leno's monolog. He had some jokes about the writer's strike and some other stuff like that. Leno even mentioned Letterman's deal with the writers because he has his own company. Leno can't do that because he doesn't have his own company.
Howard asked Stephen about this Jesus thing and how he became such an expert. Stephen said that he's been trained for the past 5 years now and that's how he became an expert. He's part of this new Apprentice season where they have celebrities competing.
Gary asked Stephen if he's still taking pictures of guy's license plates when they go into strip clubs and stuff like that. Stephen said he's done with that stuff. The guys also talked about Stephen's bachelor party that they held in Howard's studio. Stephen said that stuff still comes up when he has to explain his former life and what he did back then.
Howard asked Stephen if he regrets getting the tattoos on his back. Stephen said he loves them but his wife won't let him get any more. Stephen said that his wife was the one who was born again and he writes about that in his book ''The Unusual Suspect.''
Howard asked Stephen about why he's so against Tom Cruise these days. Stephen said that he thinks that his life could be much more positive if he was studying the Christian faith instead of Scientology. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said that he doesn't get this new season of Celebrity Apprentice because he doesn't think that anyone cares if they win or lose. Stephen said that's not true, it got really crazy. He said he did it because he wanted to challenge himself and to deal with Mr. Trump. He said that there were some people who really freaked out on the show.
Howard asked Stephen about what he's up to in the entertainment industry these days. Stephen said that he's still involved in a lot of stuff and he is going toward that family entertainment thing. Howard asked Stephen if he's against gay marriage now. Stephen said that it's not in line with what God wants. Howard said that means that he doesn't want them to marry. Stephen said that he would have to leave it up to the people if he were president. Howard asked Stephen where he stands himself. Stephen said he would not allow them to get married.
Stephen also said that he's really behind Mike Huckabee for President. Robin asked Stephen if he's happy with his pick of President Bush. Stephen said that he's still a Bush supporter, yes. Howard told Stephen that Huckabee wrote a book and compared homosexuals to necropheliacs. Stephen said that maybe he's changed his mind on things, that happens with everyone.
Howard said that Stephen called U2's Bono satan but Stephen denied ever doing that. Howard asked Stephen about masturbation and what he would tell his son, if he had one. Stephen said that it's wrong to think about other women but he doesn't think that there's anything in the bible about masturbation. Fred said that there is a passage about that in the old testament. Stephen said that it's not in the new testament though so it doesn't count.
Stephen told Howard that he doesn't use birth control these days because of his new found beliefs. Howard said that he had this whole turn around with the religion thing and he thinks that it's killing him.
A caller asked Stephen where he stands on the age of the Earth. Howard asked Stephen what he thinks happened, did we evolve or did God just create the earth 6,000 years ago. Stephen said he thinks that God created everything. Howard said that Stephen probably believes that the earth is just 7 years old. The caller asked Stephen how long he thinks the earth has been in existence. Stephen said he doesn't know. Stephen wouldn't give a straight answer. He just said ''praise the lord.''
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Stephen was at another bachelor party but Howard and Gary told him he was wrong about that. Another caller asked Stephen what it's like to be the dumbest man on the planet. Howard said that he's not dumb, he thinks that this was a career move for him.
Howard gave Stephen a plug for the Celebrity Apprentice show which airs tonight on NBC. Howard took another call after that and the guy asked Stephen about being a Christian and how he should be in favor of gay marriage. Howard didn't want to get into whatever the guy was talking about so he hung up on him. He took a couple more calls and one guy said that he's become a real snoozer lately. He said he used to be fun. Artie said that's not true, Stephen was never fun.
Howard said he was happy to hear from Stephen and he wants him to come in there and talk to them. He said he's fascinated by the whole religious thing. Howard said ''bullshit'' when he was talking about the religion thing and Stephen gave him a ''Whoa!'' and didn't want to hear the cursing. He's tried to cut back on that kind of stuff.
Howard decided to play the Amy Fisher sex tape for Stephen and have him tell them which words he's offended by. Stephen was ready to get off the phone within two words. Howard let him off the hook and let him go.
Artie said that he really is a good guy but he finds it hard to believe that he actually changed like that. Howard said he thinks that the guy was out of control and this brought him back under control.
Howard said that Artie thought that Nick was a writer for Chris Rock's new act but Nick said that he was part of his HBO show, not the new stuff. Nick said that he hasn't been helping him out with his stand-up act or anything like that. Howard said that he read that Chris was going out to clubs working on all of this material and took all of his writer buddies to help him out.
Nick said that he did go out and help out with the Oscars but he didn't help out with the stand-up act. Artie said that Nick has a Rolex that he got from Chris and it has a funny inscription on the back of it. It reads ''Thanks for your help motherfucker. C.R.'' Nick said that the watch was probably about 5 grand. Artie said that it's actually 6 grand. He's been getting into watches lately and he knows prices.
Howard asked Artie what he thinks his watch cost. He showed it to him but Artie had no idea. He said he had never seen that one before so it was probably very expensive. He said that it's probably more than 5 grand, possibly 10.
Howard asked Nick if he's jealous of Chris Rock's career. Nick said he's not but Howard said that he would be very jealous if he were Nick. Nick said that he believes that he is where he is because that's what he deserves. He said that a coach once said that you are what your record is. Howard asked Nick if he's jealous of guys like Dane Cook when he's out there making millions and he's not. Nick said that he does get jealous sometimes when he sees a do not disturb sign for Carrot Top out in Vegas and it's got his picture on it.
Nick said that he's okay with where he's at but he's really not that happy. He said he doesn't think it's over yet though. He said that he's going to get on the radio again and he's going to do very well when that happens. Howard asked Nick what would make him happy. Nick said he really wants to get back on the radio. He said he had a good time doing that when he was on K-Rock for 5 months. His numbers started to move and things were going okay.
Nick said that he wants to play in front of people who like his act and that radio show would help him out with his stand-up act.
Gary said that Nick once said that he thought that he used to be too funny when he'd open up for other comedians and that's what he did wrong. Will came in and said that he was out at a party with Nick one time and that's when he heard him say that. He was in a foul mood that day after spending hours in traffic trying to get to Stuttering John's house.
Nick brought up Robin dating Jim Florentine so that led to Howard asking her more about that. She still wasn't talking though. They goofed on Robin a little bit about that because of the things Jim has done in the past. Nick said he can imagine Robin marrying Jim and going to comedy clubs and sitting in the back fuming while Jim is on stage doing his act.
Howard asked Nick if Jim Florentine is deep like Robin said he was earlier in the morning. Nick said that Jim threw a stink bomb out on the floor of a club one night when they were out, that's how deep he is. Howard said that Jim may be hiding his true nature from Robin. He said that Jim loves to shit and do his own thing. He's not doing that stuff around Robin.
Artie told another story about going out to dinner one night and how Jim had added a couple of letters to the term ''Broiled Scrod'' so it read ''Broiled Scrodum'' and they laughed about it for like 4 hours after that. Howard asked Robin if she's seen the real Jim Florentine. She laughed and said that she doesn't want to see the real Jim.
Nick asked Robin how long she's been going out with him. She was silent. Howard said that this is silly and he wanted her to answer. She said that they've been going out since August. Nick said that if that's the case then he's still on good behavior. He asked her if he's ever farted on the plane and polluted the whole thing. She said that he hasn't done that.
Howard wondered if Robin has changed Jim or if she's just overlooking his flaws. The guys talked about how maybe he's so good in bed that she can overlook that stuff. Nick figures that Robin will get over all of this once she sees Jim do a full 45 minutes of his act. He said that Jim is actually a really good guy though and he hopes that it works out.
Nick said that he thinks that Robin and Jim will be together in 6 months, 7 no. Artie said that he thinks that Robin will have started dating Mike Morse by that time. He was just joking and said that he thinks that they will still be together then. Howard thinks that Jim is going to keep this up and pretend to be deep for at least that long.
Robin said that she thinks that Jim is a deep thinker. She really likes him for that. Sal came in and told Howard about some of the stuff that he's heard from Jim about the chicks he's been with. They talked about the stuff he's said about the chicks he's been with and Robin jokingly said that she's done with him after hearing that stuff.
We found out another lie Robin told yesterday. Jim wasn't working down in Florida when they went down together. She said that she was lying about the gig he did down there, they just went there on vacation together. Howard said he couldn't believe that she was lying to them like that.
Howard said he got some e-mail about Jim and Robin and read through one of those. The guy was beside himself after hearing about this relationship. Robin said that it might be time for her to wake up and get of this relationship. Howard said that he'd love to have a real conversation with Robin about the first time she saw his nuts. Robin said she was going to call him and talk to him about that stuff.
Artie told the story about Jim showing him his nuts in a bathroom on the NJ Turnpike and how big they were. He said that it was like he was holding a cabbage patch doll in his pants. Robin got a bunch of laughs out of all of that stuff. Artie told Robin that all of that stuff was made up, trying to make her feel better.
Howard asked Nick about his marriage and if that's still going okay. Nick said he's still happy. He said he's been avoiding using a rubber forever because he just can't feel anything with a rubber on. He said he's had chlamydia a bunch of times. He said he was living next to a night club when he got out of college so he's had quite a few things.
Nick told the guys how he got his wife. He said he showed her his ball sack. Artie said that it was very weird when Jim showed him his balls, he didn't know what to do at that point. He was able to shove down 4 Whoppers from the Burger King they were at though.
Artie told Nick about how he's going to be Bob Levy's best man out in Vegas this weekend. Nick sounded shocked that Bob was getting married again. That led to them talking about Bob's new comedy club out in Levittown, PA and how they have karaoke after most shows. Artie wondered who the hell would do something like that. Nick joked that he might be able to do that sometime. Howard gave Nick a bunch of plugs and went to break a short time later. Check out Nick's upcoming dates at NickDip.com
Howard said he was looking in Hustler magazine yesterday and let out a belch as he was saying that. He said he was reading the magazine and Lisa Lampanelli did an interview with them. He checked out the pictures in there and they're really graphic. He said that they spread the lips, open up the vagina like no one else.
Howard said that Artie lent him a movie that he talked about yesterday. Artie described it to him and now he's not sure he wants to watch it. Artie said that it's a really heavy drama and you have to be in the right mood to watch it. He said he really liked it himself. Howard thinks he'll be able to get through it after hearing Artie describing it.
Howard said that there was a guy on the phone and he had been on ever since Nick was on. The guy said he had a question for Robin. He asked her if she and Jim fart in front of each other. Howard said that it's still too early for that. That led to Artie talking about how he never farts. He said that he can shit, but he never farts. He said that he'll go to fart but he just has to shit. He shits at least twice a day.
Artie said that he looks at the farters who come in as super heroes because they can do that so well. Howard said that he farts in front of Beth but tires to hid them so she doesn't know that he's doing it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that Robin is in love with Jim and she may get married before Howard does. Robin told her she's out of her mind. Mariann said that Robin seems to be on a love high and she's just having fun all the time on the show.
Mariann said that she wanted to ask Howard a question about herself. She said that she got into this movie because of the show and she wanted him to watch it and give her a critique of her appearance. Howard told her to send him her scene, which was about a second long, and he'd check that out. Howard said that Mariann may have hit on something with the Jim thing.
Howard said that JD has the Playboy channel and he was watching some show where Nick Manning was telling Savanna Samson that he wasn't able to get it up for her. Howard played a clip where they talked about that on that show. Howard said that was weird after playing the clip.
Howard said that he had a clip of this football player Mercury Morris getting angry and talking about the New England Patriots. He played a few clips from an interview he was doing and spent a few minutes talking about what was going on there.
Scott's wife was all upset and ready to cry over the whole thing. She said that she just thought about how she'd have to pack up the dog's toys and get rid of her. Howard said that if she's willing to do the rehab thing, they won't get rid of the dog.
Scott came in and said that he was upset because his wife was upset and he was just about in tears. He said that he won't get rid of the dog if his wife wants to keep it. Howard said that this is what he wanted to hear, Scott's wife is a human being. She said that she has been doing what the doctor told her to do and they won't let the dog even walk down stairs.
Artie asked Scott how he could let this happen when he knows how his wife feels. Scott said that he really didn't know that she would get so upset. Scott said that he wasn't going to get rid of the dog, he was just looking into what to do with it.
Scott's wife said that he should have called her about this before he moved forward with this stuff. She was also saying that she did do some research into the dog and figured that it was going to be okay. Howard said that they will move ahead with this now and figure out how to get the operation done. He said that this is all he wanted to hear from her today.
Howard said that Scott was trying to get rid of the dog behind her back. His wife said that he didn't want to do the work, that's why he was trying to do that. Howard said that he never wants to do any work. Scott's wife said that she was shocked when she heard Scott talking about this on the air this morning. She said that she knows that implants don't always take and the operation may not work. She was in tears every time they brought something up about the dog.
Howard said that Scott was ready to have the dog put down. Scott said that was Scott DePace, not him. Lisa G came in and said that she just spoke to the North Shore Animal League and they're willing to help out with the finances to help the dog out. Scott's wife was very thankful for that. She said that they should lock Scott in a cage and see how he feels.
Artie said that dog almost had it made and could have been out in Malibu with Sam Simon if they had gone through with that. Howard said that they don't have to give the dog up now and they can keep the dog. Howard let Scott's wife go and said that Scott is a monster. He was trying to give the dog away and get rid of it without his wife knowing about it.
Howard said that Scott really does have a black cloud following him around. Scott thanked them all for the help. Howard said that it's just another disaster for Scott. He said that Scott told Beth that he wasn't that attached to the dog, meanwhile his wife is crying at the thought of giving up the dog.
The guys were all getting a few laughs thinking about what Scott had done earlier in the morning. Then his wife wakes up, tunes in the Howard 101 feed and hears him trying to get rid of their dog.
Steve also said that he heard from someone who said that Jim and Robin were very cuddly on New Year's Eve when they were out watching the ball drop in Times Square. Steve said they have another story about High Pitch Mike who has been offered a chance to appear at a party. Howard said he has to be careful doing that because some people will really mess with you when you do that stuff.
Artie said that High Pitch Mike pulled a really pompous move with him the other day and put his arm around him and pretended that nothing was going on between them. He said that Mike was pretending that it was just for the air when he goes off on him.
Steve wrapped up and Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that Scott has to watch what he's doing with that dog now because if something happens, he could get into some trouble.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through a bunch of the stuff that they'd be covering today including Nick DiPaolo's visit, Scott's dog problem and many other things that they covered today.
Howard went to Mutt from the Superfan Roundtable show. Mutt said that they're going to do a relationship show tonight. They'll be talking about Robin, Levy and other people's relationships. They're going to have Mariann from Brooklyn there and comedian Don Jamieson as well to keep things light.
Robin said that she's still getting mail from Ivy who is still filling her in on what she and Benjy were up to. Gary said that Ivy is giving out his email to people who are sending him pictures and stuff. Howard cut him off and said that this could go on all day. He just wanted Robin to get to her news.
Gary the Retard called in and told them about his new 42 inch big screen TV. He said that some people on the internet bought it for him. He said he was watching the news on it right then. Gary said that he usually just watches the weather and doesn't understand the rest of the stuff.
Howard asked Gary if he knows where the wars are going on and stuff like that. Gary did know that there's a war in Iraq. Artie asked him if he knows where his asshole is. Gary told him to shut the hell up.
Howard told Gary to be careful of women now because they're going to want his money now that he has a big screen TV. Artie told him he can go back to smearing feces on his face after that. Gary told him to shut the hell up again.
Howard said he read a story about a teacher who had one of Larry Pearce's songs up on his myspace page. He had his ''She's a Worthless Cunt'' song up there and the news team found it and tried to interview him about it. The teacher ran from them when they tried to ask him about it. Howard said that some people are just stupid and need to take some common sense pills or something. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin read a story about Jamie Lynn Spears and the show she was doing before she got pregnant. Howard said that he's surprised they didn't rush out and get her an abortion. She's only 16 years old.
Robin read a story about a cocaine vaccine that's being worked on. It's in clinical trials right now. Artie said that the Subutex stuff he takes is really amazing and the coke stuff would probably be great too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jamie Lynn Spears' mother was about to put a book out about parenting right as her 16 year old daughter was announcing she was pregnant. Robin read a bunch of various stories about oil prices going up to over $100 a barrel. Howard wasn't even sure how many gallons were in a barrel but eventually found out there are 42. They had to take a break around that time.
After the break Howard brought up Letterman and his big beard wondering why he grew it. They spent a short time on that before Robin got back into her news. She talked about an Oprah Winfrey special where she's going to be having people give away money to other people. Howard joked that Ellen Degeneres was going to grow a beard because Letterman and Conan O'Brien grew them.
Robin brought up a story about the Tila Tequila show that airs on MTV. She went through a bunch of other stories about the tiger attack out in California, the new Apprentice season with ''celebrities'' competing for a job and more. Howard said that none of those celebrities want to win that show. They also talked about Jay Leno doing his show and how he kind of broke the strike by doing that. They played some clips from Letterman's show, Conan O'Brien's show and Jimmy Kimmel's show as well.
Robin did a story about the new American Gladiators show that's coming out. They had Hulk Hogan commenting on that. She also had some clips of Bob Saget talking about his 1 vs. 100 show and how he understands it better now that he's done a season. Howard cut that off saying he really doesn't care. Artie said that he got a call about Bob Saget and they're doing a documentary about him or something like that. He found that kind of surprising but he said he'd sit down and talk about him if they want.
Robin wrapped up with her final story about this guy David Levy who wrote a book about robot sex and how people should be able to have that by the year 2050. Artie got in a plug for an upcoming gig he has a week from tonight at Danny Aiello's comedy club in Hoboken, New Jersey. He got the call from Danny himself. He's also going to be up in Syracuse on the 18th. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that they had a lot of stuff to get to today. They were going to cover the Stephen Baldwin interview, the Nick DiPaolo interview, Robin and Jim's relationship and the Scott the Engineer dog problem.
Jon started off with Scott's dog problem and asked Gary why Howard was so concerned with it. Gary said that he told Howard the story yesterday without using Scott's name and Howard said that he'd keep the dog no matter what. Jon asked if Scott bounced that idea off of everyone in the office. Jason Kaplan said that he was bouncing it off of everyone he could.
Jon asked if the guys thought that Scott and his wife were on the same page after hearing him this morning. Gary and Jason both thought that they were on the same page. Scott came in a short time later so Jon asked him if his mind was already made up over the dog or if the show changed his mind. Scott said that his mind wasn't made up before today. He claims that he wasn't trying to get off the hook with the dog. He said he wanted to keep the dog right from the start.
Scott said that he was ready to give the dog back in the beginning but they got a trainer and got the dog going in the right direction. He said that it's a puppy and it was kind of a monster in the beginning. Jason went off on Scott saying that he came off like a monster this morning. He asked him what's wrong with him for trying to get rid of the dog behind his wife's back. Scott didn't have much of an excuse for that but he said he didn't want to throw anyone under the bus.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Scott about the dog and what he wanted to do with it. Scott felt that he was being pressured into making a decision and that's when he decided to give it up to Sam Simon if he would take it. Artie came in around this time and told Scott that he hates dogs himself and was trying to be in his corner. He said that he couldn't have been less in tune with his wife about the whole thing. He said she called in crying about the whole thing.
Scott said that he and his wife didn't want to get rid of the dog. He said that it really hit her when he agreed to give the dog to Sam Simon, that's why she got so upset. Jason said that Scott can't be that dense not to know what his wife thinks about the dog. He was clearly much more willing to give the dog up than his wife was.
Gary said that Scott still hasn't made a decision because everyone has made decisions for him today. Artie said he knows how he's feeling, he's just waiting for that sweet feeling of death so he can be done with all of this stuff.
Scott said that they had a dog that died last year. It was 15 years old. The experience with the dog was the only one they had so they've had a totally different one with this new dog. Jason said he's heard about all of the work they've put into this dog and they've done a lot already. They went for interviews with the breeder and things like that before they even got it. Then they paid $2000 for it. Scott sounded ashamed when he admitted to all of that.
Gary said that Scott DePace blew him away when he said that he'd kill the dog. He said that it tells you a lot about a person when they'll admit to something like that.
Scott said that the dog will never be healthy, even after the hip operation. He said that it's always going to be in pain but he wouldn't want to put it down.
Scott DePace came in and said that he really doesn't see anything wrong with putting the dog down at this point. Gary said that he thinks it's cruel to give a dog back after you've taken it from its owner. DePace said that it's just a 9 month old puppy and he couldn't have bonded with it that much at this point.
Gary said that he finds it very odd that Scott DePace was so willing to kill the dog over something like that. Scott said that there has to be a line somewhere and maybe if it was a $50,000 operation they'd put it to sleep. Artie said that he's against killing a dog but he's not against driving it down to Camden and letting it loose.
Jason said that he's had pet problems and he's always worried about the money it would cost to get it fixed but he wouldn't put it down.
DePace said that he would put his dog down if it got really sick and it was going to cost a ton of money to fix it. Artie told Scott the Engineer that he'd give him $10,000 to put the dog down. Scott said that would be an easy decision.
A phone caller said that he could put some dogs down for a mere 98 cents, or the cost of a shot gun shell. Gary asked Scott what kind of contract he had with the breeder. Scott filled them in on that and found out that they only had a fair rating on the mother of the dog. Scott said they now know that's not a good thing.
Jason said that he thinks that Scott's breeder sounds like a maniac and they didn't give Scott and his wife the dog that they agreed to get. Scott said that they went back to the breeder and they wanted nothing to do with returning the dog to them. Scott said that the trainer told them that they had done nothing wrong with the puppy when they got it even though the breeder was blaming them.
Artie asked what they would do with Beetlejuice if he needed an operation that cost $10,000. Gary said that he's human... Artie cut him off and said ''...is he?'' They said that he's human so you don't put him to sleep like you'd do with a pet. Artie thinks that DePace would put him down if he could.
DePace said that you can change a person's life with 10 grand and paying to fix a 9 month old dog is a waste of that 10 grand. He said that a homeless person's life could be changed with that kind of money. Gary said that's not necessarily true. He said that they've done make overs for homeless people and they've given them a lot of money and they go right back to being homeless.
Artie told Scott that he should have put the two grand he paid for that dog into a blender instead. Ralph called in after that and went off on DePace for coming off like such an ass when he talks about putting a dog down like that. Gary said that DePace really does come across as rude and not very compassionate when he talks about this stuff.
Ralph was also saying that the main thing here is that people don't take responsibility for themselves. He said that Scott really needs to just take responsibility for it. Artie asked DePace if he would give up playing video games for a year if he had to do that to save his dog. DePace said that he would do that.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in so Jon asked him about the dog thing. Ronnie said that he overpaid for the dog and he told him that right from the start. He said Scott wasn't happy with the dog from the day he got it. The breeder basically told him ''fuck you'' and he's been suffering ever since. He's had nothing but problems since then.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that this is just showing people that when you don't want to deal with something you just throw it out. That's basically what both Scott's are showing people here. Gary said he agrees with him there. Ronnie said that he spent a lot of money on his dog getting its leg fixed and his dog was 12 years old at the time. He said that he loves the dog that he has now. He said that the dog is great and he loves it.
Ronnie asked Scott if he went to the surgeon and asked him about what would be involved. Scott said that they did talk about all of that stuff with them.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they should just put the dog down, he could get another one cheap. Gary told him that it's not a Bic lighter, you can't just do that. They had to go to break after that.
Will had heard Nick say something at a party one time about how he was too funny and they brought that up on the air. Will claimed he heard the story himself so Gary had to call him into the studio to back him up on that story.
Jon played a clip from that part of the show where Nick was denying the story and saying that he was sad that he came in there. Gary said that Nick has mellowed over the years, especially since he got married. He used to be much more edgy and bitter a few years back. Gary said that he's sat in the green room with him at comedy shows and he's usually very bitter and angry. He's got every right to be though.
Gary said that comedians are afraid to bad mouth other comedians because it will eventually come back to haunt you. Benjy said that he heard Nick say that Dane cook never makes him laugh but he is funny. He didn't understand that line, neither did Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy by the name of Jay who told them how great the History of Howard Stern was. He also said that Stephen Baldwin is out of his mind and he can't believe that anyone like that could believe all of the fairy tales that he was talking about. Gary said that he had that conversation with Nick in the green room and Nick was kind of defending Stephen on that whole thing. That led to the guys talking about Stephen's call to the show for a short time.
The guys were also talking about the Celebrity Apprentice season since Stephen is on that. Gary said he ran into some of those guys downstairs one day and he may end up being on the show this season if they put that into the show. He hasn't signed a release yet though.
Jon took a call from a guy by the name of DJ who talked about the hip problem that Scott's dog has and how he went to a doctor that ended up just shaving the ball on the hip instead of replacing the joint. it's much cheaper and it lasts a lifetime. That got the guys talking about the Scott's dog thing again for a short time.
Benjy said that now that Scott is committed to the dog, if something happens to his wife, he may have to take care of the dog or have it put to sleep and then Howard will give him a hard time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's a pet insurance company that might cover something like that. Gary said that they don't cover stuff like that though. They spent a short time talking about that before they had to wrap up the Wrap Up Show.
Howard started off the show talking about how they keep changing his microphone there and how he has to yell into it every day. He asked the guys to fix that and his headphones too. He complained about the microphone some more and said that he was too busy to talk to someone yesterday about it. He asked Scott to come in and fix it for him. Robin's was the same so she didn't have a problem.
Howard asked Scott how he can get it put back the way it was supposed to be. He went off on Scott a little bit about that. Scott fixed it by adjusting a ''10 db pad'' on the board so it would over modulate a little bit. Howard anted to know where the button was so he could adjust it himself. He got it fixed and said that he knew there was something wrong with it.
Scott said that no one is supposed to touch that microphone so it shouldn't have been out of adjustment. Howard said that it's the other DJs out there who are jealous of him. They're the ones who are messing with him. He said that Scott was all proud of himself for doing something right for a change.
Robin said that the cops told her that she'd never see her vehicle again after it was taken. They told her that it was probably in a chop shop somewhere.
Howard asked Stuttering John to get him some bananas that weren't green like the ones he had were. He talked about how Fred eats green ones but that's just not right. Fred said that he likes them green like that and doesn't need them to be yellow. He doesn't like them mushy when they turn yellow.
Howard said he'd love a bagel but he's on a diet so he can't have one. Stuttering John thought that they were a good dietary item but Howard told him that they were filled with fat.
Howard said he was up last night watching Letterman. He said that he didn't get much sleep and he was miserable when his alarm went off at 4 this morning. He complained about life and what a pain in the ass it is. He said he just doesn't get off on getting up early in the morning anymore and doing his show. He said the only thing he gets off on is beating his competitors. He said he hates doing the TV show but the radio show is okay.
Howard complained about the TV show and all of the little things they complain about over there. He said that has soured everything for him. He said that if he got rid of that show he could go back to hating the radio show. He wouldn't mind it if he didn't have to deal with such idiots over there.
Howard said that there's one guy over there at WWOR who seems to be sabotaging his show. He said that he calls him when he's trying to go to bed and he can't sleep after hearing all of this nonsense from the guy.
Howard sent Stuttering John off to get his breakfast and got back to talking to Robin. He said that his kids got some of those Troll dolls as gifts and they're really into them.
Robin said that over in France they try to prevent poverty and try to give everyone a good education there. Howard said he didn't care about that and went off on the French for a few minutes.
Howard was talking about a woman who was on Phil Donahue's show the other day. She was 40 years old and married a 14 year old boy. She left her family to go off with this 14 year old boy. He said that people like that have no morals. He said he gets really irritated by Phil and the people he has on that show. He said that Phil doesn't have any morality himself. Howard thinks that he has morals himself while everyone out there thinks that he doesn't.
Howard pointed out that Phil left his wife for a younger woman and he thinks that they should do a show about that with Phil as one of the people. He said they could get Marlo Thomas on the show and let him conduct the interview. He said that Phil is no better than the people that he's putting down on his show.
Howard said that Tom Brokaw has been announcing the name of a rape victim while all of the other networks are avoiding it. He said that Tom could go to management and say he's not comfortable giving out her name but he's a pussy and he just goes right ahead and does it.
Howard said he was watching National Geographic the other day and saw that there are still people in this world who don't know about the wheel or even how to use fire. He went on to talk about how ridiculous religion is and how it's not just one religion, it's all of them. He and Robin spent a minute on that subject.
The phone caller asked Howard when he's going to have another Mayberry bit. Howard said that he didn't have an answer and asked him when he'd like to hear another one. The guy just wanted to hear the latest one. He ended up cursing so Howard had to hang up on him.
Howard said he would play that Mayberry bit for him but they're too busy today. He said he had to play the Dave Herman bit that they did when they got back from break. Stuttering John showed up with two bananas for Howard just in case one of them wasn't good. Howard told John that he didn't want to pay for both bananas but he was just joking around and told John to get out of there.
Howard got in a plug for his Crucified by the FCC album. He said that some people didn't order in time to get it for Christmas so they created a Christmas card gift certificate for those people who won't get it in time. He talked about how they'd be sending out the card in a box so the friends or loved ones will know they're getting a copy for Christmas, a little late. The card will go out in time for Christmas but not the whole set. He went to break after that.
Howard said they have a woman coming in later who claims that she's slept with a bunch of celebrities. He read off a list of guys a mile long and said she must be coming in to brag.
Gary came in and said that this hot water thing is the first he's hearing of it. He said he'd make it happen. Howard said that's because he's too busy doing other things out there apparently.
Robin said that there was a woman who just died of AIDS and she claimed that she had sex with about 50 NHL players. Now everyone is worried about that. Howard said that it seems like everyone is going to be dead soon with that kind of thing happening. Howard said he told his kids to try and get jobs playing Hockey because there are going to be some jobs opening up soon.
Howard said he had a bunch of stuff to get to so he should get that going. He said that they have a new KKK message from Daniel Carver. Robin wanted to hear that because she loves hearing what that guy is thinking. Howard was going to play the clip but couldn't find it. Gary came in and said that it wasn't ready yet, Scott was still working on it. Scott came in a few seconds later and said that he was told to do something else first and he was working on that, then he'd get to the KKK message.
Howard said that his agent turned down the Tales from the Crypt offer he got recently. He said that he was right to do that because they have a lot of offers rolling in and he's only going to take stuff that could benefit his career. He said that he didn't want to do the Crypt thing without seeing a script first. They didn't even have one to show him. Howard said that they don't know what big stars they are yet out there in California.
Howard told Jackie that he should follow his lead and say no to some things instead of doing anything he's offered. He said he told Jackie not to do interviews with just anyone out there. He said that he'll even turn down 60 Minutes when they offer to interview him. He said that Jackie will come in and tell him that someone like Channel 8 in New Haven is going to be covering him and then he'll ask if he can have a camera crew in the studio. Howard doesn't want to have that going on in there but Jackie says that's where he works so he wants to have them in.
Howard said that channel 8 is just trying to get some tape of him and they're going through Jackie to make that happen. He said that Jackie will keep on asking him about doing this stuff but he has to turn it down. He feels bad doing that but he really has to.
Fred interrupted Howard and said that they were kind of behind with commercials so he had to interrupt. Howard wanted to finish what he was talking about though so he continued on. He continued to talk about Jackie and how he really doesn't like talking to the guys about that kind of stuff off the air.
Howard said that Jackie gets upset and takes things the wrong way when he turns him down for stuff like that. He said that he's doing his own thing there and trying to elevate his career without going on channel 8 in New Haven. Jackie has his own thing going on and he doesn't want to be part of that.
Gary came in and told Howard that their guest was there. Howard said he was in the middle of interviewing Jackie so he couldn't get to the guest yet. He asked Jackie about the channel 8 thing and if he was upset about it. Jackie told Howard that he's fine with it and he's not upset at all. He said that he was right about it all and he doesn't need the crew in the studio.
Connie said that she's had a lot of the rock stars and their crew over the years. She claimed that the Penthouse people told her to dress warm this morning. She said that she could take off her shirt for him though. Howard said that might work. Connie said that she's heard a lot about Howard from a lot of people. She said they even talk about him on a station in Little Rock, Arkansas.
Howard asked Connie about these rock stars she's been with. She had a whole list of the people she claims that she's been with. Howard said she had some ''nice jugs'' as she was pulling out the pictures she's taken with all of these rock stars.
Howard asked Connie about the guys she's been with and found out that she had her first rock star when she was just 15. She said that she just wanted to get all of these guys and didn't really want relationships. She said that she does like the people she's been with and they're all friends. She said that she's tested for AIDS very often and she's clean. She said that she gives a lot of oral and that's low risk. Howard didn't believe that was the case though.
Connie said that she does have the other type of sex but she prefers to do the oral because she can cover a lot of ground that way. She said the first guy she had was in a band called Frigid Pink. She said she got back stage by partying with the crew. She let them have her first and then figured out the way to make things happen.
Connie said that she doesn't want to get married, she enjoys doing what she does. Howard asked her who she could call if she wanted to talk to someone as a friend. She said that Paul Stanley is a guy she could probably get a hold of. She's pretty close to him. She also said that she's close to another guy by the name of Waddy Waddell. She said that he can have some great phone sex too. That led to Howard doing some phone sex stuff with Connie. He was using his megaphone and talking to her about what she was wearing and she was actually acting out what she was saying. They didn't go too far with it though.
Howard went through a list of people and found out that Connie was with Huey Lewis, Eddie Money, Paul Shaffer and others. She asked for a beer at one point but no one had any for her.
Howard found out that Connie is a substitute teacher so he asked her what she's teaching. She said that she'll actually tell the students about the rock stars she sees. She said that she gets a lot of stuff to give away to the kids too. She teaches K-6th grades and teaches general subjects like reading, writing and arithmetic. Howard gave out her full name and wondered if that was going to cause problems. She said that they haven't called in about a month so she's not sure.
Howard asked Connie if she was interested in sleeping with Stuttering John, who was in the band Mund. She said that he is cute and looks kind of like Waddy. She thought it was him when she saw him walking in this morning.
Connie told Howard that she had the drummer from Def Leppard after he lost his arm. She said that she had him twice. She's also had some of the guys in Elton John's band but not Elton himself. She said that Elton likes her to do the guys in the band when they're first brought in. She said that she will get back stage and Elton will ask her to initiate the guys into the band by having sex with them.
Connie said that she's had most of Crosby Stills and Nash but not David. The other guys will actually watch while she does the guys in front of the others. She said that she's not a hooker so she doesn't get paid for this stuff. She'll get a back stage pass or something like that though.
Howard said he wanted to spank Connie after the break. She was up for it. She told Howard about some of the other guys she's had before Howard went to a commercial break which was edited out of this replay.
Howard came back and talked to Connie more about the guys she's going to be seeing over the next couple of weeks. Howard said Jackie asked her if she has ever done anyone while they're playing or anything like that. She said that she hasn't but she has done stuff during a drum solo with the guitar players. She'll do a quickie with them back stage or something.
Howard was doing a commercial for a Singalodeon and asked Connie if she wanted to sing a song with him. She didn't want to do it herself so she asked everyone else to do it with her. Howard played a song but Connie thought they were kidding. She started to sing a little bit but she got lost in the lyrics. She said she'd rather be down on the floor doing something else.
Howard had to ask Gary to turn off the Singalodeon thing because it was squealing quite a bit. He got back to Connie and as Gary walked by she grabbed him to check out how big he was in the pants. She said he was doing okay down there.
Howard had Connie get down to her thong and then asked her if she wanted to get spanked. Howard told her she had a good body and wasn't bad at all. She went over and grabbed Howard's crotch without asking. He said he hadn't been touched like that since Fred last night. She said that Howard was actually pretty big down there. She said that he wasn't as big as Huey though.
Howard had to put a stop to the touching and asked where he's going to be sleeping tonight after this. He had her ready to get spanked after that. He said that she didn't have any hair on her butt so that was nice. She asked him to just get the spanking going. Gary came in and said that Leslie West was on the phone. Connie said that's one of her good friends. She jumped off of Howard's lap when she heard that. She wanted to talk to him but Howard just wanted to spank her.
Howard got Leslie on the phone and he said that he couldn't believe this. Leslie said that when she was only 16 he took her in a lear jet and she did something to the pilot while they were flying. She also called her father and let him know what she was up to. Her father told Leslie to just get her home safe. He didn't seem to care that his 16 year old was out messing around with his daughter. Leslie claimed he never touched her but she said that she gave him oral. Leslie denied that though. He said that she was so fresh that she hadn't even urinated through hair yet. Howard almost cut him off at that point.
Howard wrapped up with Connie and said that it sounds like she thought that he had a bigger package than Gary did. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Gary said that they talked about how he got down on one knee when he proposed. Howard said that he shouldn't even be banging that Connie chick that they just had in there. Gary said that he heard that Connie wanted to do Howard. She thought that he was a big enough star and almost a rock star type.
Howard said that he wanted to play this new KKK message. He had Gary get some other stuff together while they were doing that. Howard went right into the Daniel Carver KKK message. Daniel was talking about New York City and how many murders there are there and how many people there are on welfare and how many cars are stolen every day. Robin and Howard knew that he was going to get to his point and what it was going to be. They let the message play through and Daniel was giving tons of stats about the city and then went off and started throwing around the N-word saying that they were the reason for all of New York City's problems.
Howard did his impression of Daniel doing his thing and goofed on him a little bit. He went on to talk about how he could bring the taxes into line by dropping welfare. He said that they could have everyone on welfare move down south to the warm climate. Jackie said that he would be against something like that but Gary was for it. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard said that the government should be guarding welfare the same way they guard medical marijuana. Howard doesn't think that there are that many people out there who deserve welfare. They all argued about that stuff for a short time and everyone was blaming different things for the problems with the economy. Fred was arguing with Howard about a bunch of things. He was blaming the executives at GM for sending jobs down to Mexico.
Fred was very worked up about the way things were going in the country. He said that he buys an American car himself to try and help the country, but they're sending jobs down to Mexico. Howard cut Fred off and said he had to take a break. He told Fred he was really annoying and had his microphone cut off so he couldn't respond. Fred was still going off on him even though he could barely be heard in the background.
After and edited out commercial break Howard came back and said that he and Fred were still arguing during the break. He got back to the Daniel Carver message after that. He played more of the message that they never got a chance to get to earlier. Daniel continued to go off on the blacks until his answering machine cut him off.
Howard brought up Connie and talked about how weird it is for a woman like that to go out and do all of those rock stars and they go around bragging about it.
Robin got into her news after that. She talked about a rape case that was happening at the time. She read through some other stuff and had Howard going off on the people of Iraq saying that President Bush had forgotten to kill off Saddam Hussein before they got the troops out of there. He said that Bush claims that he beat Iraq but he doesn't think that they have the ability to build nuclear bombs over in that country anyway. Robin went through a few more stories and then Howard said he had to go to another break.
Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that they had Charles Barkley on the phone. Howard got him on the line and asked him where he's been for the past few years. He used to come on more often but then he disappeared. Charles said that he thought they were a bad influence on him and he wanted to get on the Olympic team and figured it was best not to come on.
Charles asked for the number for the Crucified by the FCC thing so Howard gave that to him and then moved on. He said that Charles once said that he had gone out to dinner with Donald Trump one time and they ended up in a hot tub with him and some girls one night. Howard said that it should have been a big story at the time but no one picked up on it. Charles said that they were just relaxing that night and didn't do anything too crazy. Howard figured that Charles was still banging groupies but he claimed he had given all of that up.
Howard asked Charles what's wrong with him and why isn't he playing these days. Charles fell and bruised some ribs so he's had to sit out. Howard also heard that he was married now and asked him why he'd do something like that. Charles said he fell in love with his wife and now they have a 2 year old daughter. Howard heard that she's a hot, white blonde and Charles confirmed that.
Howard asked if his wife goes to the games. Charles said she does. She was only 25 so Howard said that's too young. He asked Charles how he got her. He said he met her at a restaurant. She wasn't a waitress though. Charles seemed offended when they asked if she was one. He said he knew that waitresses were going to hate him for responding the way he did.
Howard talked to Charles about the kind of money he was making. He said that they print it in the paper all the time which is kind of rude. Howard said that Charles can make even more with endorsement deals and stuff. Howard asked Charles where he lives and if he has a nice house. Charles said he lives in a development because it's a gated community. He said that he has a lot of nice neighbors and they don't bother him there.
Howard asked Charles about his wife and how big her boobs were. She was right there with him so he was describing her as she was laying there. Howard asked him to put her on the line so he could talk to her. She got on the phone a short time later so Howard asked her about how they met. She said that she was just walking out the door at the restaurant when she met him.
Howard asked Charles' wife if she did it with him the night before. She said that they didn't do it. She also claimed that she was a virgin when she met Charles. She said he lies about her cup size too. She's only a B-cup, not a C like Charles was claiming. Howard found out her parents weren't upset about her bringing home Charles either. Howard said he'd be the same way. He said that if he had to choose between a poor white man or Charles Barkley going out with his daughter, he'd pick Charles.
Howard asked Charles about Magic Johnson and if he's gotten together with him yet. Charles said he hadn't. They also talked about some pictures that were in the National Enquirer that were kind of private. Howard said he thought that was going too far.
Charles brought up Jessica Hahn and said that he saw her on Married With Children the other night. He said that she's looking good these days and she must have had some work done on her breasts. He said that those are no B, or C cups right there. Howard said that she did have some work done. They spent a few seconds talking about her.
Howard was telling Charles about what he thinks Magic Johnson should do about his AIDS problem. After going off on that stuff for a short time Charles told him he's never heard so much bullshit in his life. Howard had to ask him to say ''B.S.'' instead of using the full word. They spent a couple of minutes on the Magic Johnson stuff and then Howard gave him some advice on what to do about his endorsement deals.
Howard found out that Charles had invested in some office supply thing so he wondered what was going on there. He said that he has to invest in something other than office supplies. He thought that was crazy. Charles said he also bought into some sporting goods store. He said that he's in the textile business as well.
Howard got Charles' wife back on the phone and she threw out the asshole word so Howard had to ask her not to use that one on the air. He ended up talking to her about some of the stuff Charles was saying about her when he was on the phone. She joked that he was in a little teddy as she was talking to Howard. Charles got back on the phone and said that everyone has a skeleton in their closet.
Howard let Charles go a short time later. He said that Charles is a great guy and fun to talk to. He said that he forgot to ask his wife if she had ever dated any other black men before Charles. He said he had a ton of questions for Charles but he didn't think he could keep him on the line that long. He said they might need him on the show weekly. He said that maybe they can get him to be the weekly sports reporter on the show or something. He told Gary to talk to Tom Chiusano about that.
The caller said that it had been about 3 years since that happened and he might need another Au Pair. Howard said that now all women are going to know about the Au Pair thing and not hire any to hire any. Robin said that it sounded like a Penthouse story that he just read and recited to them. Howard said that the whole world is having fun except for him.
Robin got back to her news after that and brought up a story about a botched abortion that a doctor did and how he'd pulled an arm off the baby. Robin also read a story about Freddy Mercury and how he knew he had AIDS for a few years before he passed away. She also talked about the guy from Milli Vanilli who tried to kill himself. She went through a couple more stories and then wrapped up her news.
Gary said that he heard that Scott Shannon had hung up on Sebastian Bach one time that they were calling in from Los Angeles. They called Howard after that and it turned out to be a great call. That led to Fred and Howard goofing on Gary about the way he talks since he'd said something about Scott Shannon not being so sharp. They goofed on the way he said ''sharp.'' Howard said that Gary does a stretch every time he gets goofed on in the studio. Jackie said that Gary looks like a retarded cheerleader when he stretches like that.
Howard was going to wrap up the show but ended up goofing on Gary for a few more minutes after he said some more dopey stuff. They ended the show around 9:15am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard brought in Hank a few minutes later to find out why the two of them were fighting it out. For the next 20 minutes the two of them had a pissing contest over the dumbest things. If Hanks drinking came up Beetlejuice would say that he can drink more than him. If Hank's height came up Beetlejuice would say he's taller than him. Beetle said that he's better than Hank at just about everything. Hank called Beetle a ''stupid little midget'' and everyone pointed out that Beetle is taller than Hank. Hank said that if he is taller it's only by a couple of inches.
Apparently this all started back at Howard's birthday show a few weeks ago. Hank said that Beetle didn't want him to meet William Shatner for some reason and the two of them started in with each other at that point. Beetle said he doesn't even know who Shatner is and he doesn't know why he didn't want Hank to meet him.
After the arguing Howard brought in this British TV show host who wanted to interview Hank. The host of the show ''Freak Out'', Matt, came in with his crew to interview Hank. Matt has flipper hands so Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes then turned over the show to him. The interview Matt did was really lame and it wasn't going anywhere so Howard gave up on it.
This guy Mike had come down to try and win breast implants for his wife. He had agreed to suck Hank's toes to win the implants. Hank didn't want any part of it unless he was going to get paid. Gary told him they'd give him $800 courtesy of iWon.com for his trouble. He was also afraid that the guy was gay but Mike says he's not. Gary took off Hank's one shoe and everyone was disgusted by his uncut toe nails. Hank says he never cuts them. Some people were even saying that they were green from fungus or something. Howard told the guy that he had to suck and kiss all of his toes and put all 5 in his mouth to win the implants. Mike didn't seem to hesitate much. He went right to it and sucked those green toes. He won the implants which will be put in by Dr. Sal Calabro.