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Carnie was wearing jeans and heels but Howard told her she still dresses like a fat chick. She yelled at him for that and said that she can wear short skirts now. Howard suggested that she work out more to tone herself up. She said she's been working out on a treadmill and just got the Tae-Bo workout tapes. Carnie told Howard that she had an english muffin and an egg for breakfast. Howard thought that was enough to feed 4 people but she said it was only half of an english muffin. Howard was still amazed that she eats that much.
Howard heard that Carnie's sex drive is better than ever also. She said she and her husband Rob do it quite often. Howard told her that she's going to be really hot when she's thinned down even more. He told her that her face has always been pretty but now she's looking really good.
Carnie told Howard that her band Wilson Phillips is going to get back together and they even have a Greatest Hits album out.. even though they only put out 2 albums. She said there's some new stuff on it though. She also promoted the web site ADoctorInYourHouse.com where she gives updates on her progress every 2 weeks.
Howard wanted to know if when Carnie was fat if she was unable to see her vagina when she showered. She said that she couldn't see it but now she can. She said she was always clean though and now waxes her pubic area. She can even sing better now that she's got less fat pushing on her diaphragm. Howard also asked her if she was able to use a normal toilet when she was fat. Carnie said that was a ridiculous question and of course she was able to use a normal one.
Carnie told Howard that she's working on a book about her weight loss for Judith Regan. Howard said that if she's got naked pictures of herself when she was fat she should put them in the book. Carnie said that she has taken pictures of herself through this process and they're pretty scary. It sounds like she might be thinking about putting the pictures in the book. Howard took a couple of phone calls and wrapped things up with Carnie. He repeated his suggestions about working out to her. He also suggested that she not get pregnant for at least 5 years. She was talking 2 years or so but Howard said that would make her fat again.
Scott Weiland was telling Howard how a lot of their fans don't know that they have this new album Shangri-La Dee Da out right now. He said for some reason there must have been a breakdown at the record company and they didn't do enough publicity for the album. He said that fans of theirs will come up to them while they're out shopping or something and ask when the new album is coming out. It's been out for a few months now and they still don't know. Danny Bush from Atlantic Records came in and defended the company and the band at the same time. He didn't admit that they didn't publicize the album enough, he just said they have to play catch-up right now to get the word out. Stone Temple Pilots is headlining this year's Family Values Tour so that's a start.
After that discussion Howard started to wrap things up but he got sidetracked when he asked one of the guys if his wife brings other women home for him. He said he couldn't say but ended up talking about how she does it. Howard discussed that for a few minutes and then ended the interview.
The girls shared quite a bit about the relationship and Howard said he'd love to make love to at least one of the girls. The girls also said they will bring home other hot chicks for Ken to enjoy once in a while. That seemed to be just what Howard wanted to hear from them.
He got back to their book and said that he read it and he'd suggest it for young girls. He wrapped up the interview after giving the girls a couple of plugs for their stuff.
Joey only had a short time he could stay so Howard quickly went through the interview. He asked him about getting laid and what it must be like to be so famous. Joey said he has a girlfriend who he's been with for 9 years now and they have a 6 month old baby together so he's not out getting laid. Howard also asked Joey about his band mate Justin who is dating Britney Spears. Howard asked Joey if he knows for a fact that Britney is actually still a virgin. Joey said he really doesn't discuss that with Justin. He said they don't discuss their sexual accomplishments with each other. He tried to avoid answering those type of questions when Howard asked them.
Howard told Joey he gets the idea that Britney and Justin are doing everything but having sex so she must be giving him oral. Once again Joey said he doesn't know. Howard asked him if he's ever smelled Justin's fingers but Joey just laughed and said ''no.''
Howard had a few notes on Joey that claimed he dated a few famous people like Minnie Driver, Rachel Hunter and Chyna from the WWF but Joey said that he was just friendly to them and he never dated any of them.
Howard brought up the MTV Video Music Awards and how 'N Sync did a performance with Michael Jackson. Howard asked Joey how freaky that guy is. Joey said he's really a nice guy but Howard cut him off and said that he's also met him and he knows that he's freaky. Howard had a meeting with him and it looked like his nose was melting off his face. Joey said that he feels sorry for the guy because he's had so much surgery on his face that it's ruined his nose. Robin told him not to feel sorry for the guy because he did it to himself.
Howard started to get into how the band got started but he was getting the signal that Joey had to get going so he had to wrap up the interview. He took one quick phone call and plugged the movie and the upcoming video ''The Real 'N Sync'' which is backstage stuff with the band. That tape comes out in December.
Howard went over and measured her. Isaac and Gary were helping Howard figure out the measurements and how to figure them out. After measuring her they came up with a zero measurement meaning that she shouldn't even need a bra. Her breasts were kind of small according to Howard but he took a second measurement just to make sure. He came up with a different measurement this time. Isaac said that she's a 36-A cup going by the measurements they took. They gave her a new bra to wear based on those measurements.
Caroline had said that she wasn't dating anyone at Princeton so Howard wondered why. She said she has done some chicks in the past so they spent a short time talking about that. They then had her put on the new bra they gave her. Howard said it looked really good on her. Howard said that it looked good on her.
Howard asked Caroline more about the lesbian thing. It turns out she has a boyfriend though. She told Howard that she met him at an AA meeting.
Howard kept digging to find out more about this girl. He figured out that she has low self esteem and she was abandoned by her mother when she was young. Howard said that's a home run in his book. A hot chick with low self esteem whose mother left her is a sure fire hit in his book. Stuttering John came in and asked if she'd be willing to get into a bikini bottom since she didn't want to get naked. She agreed to it and got into the bikini. All of the guys were impressed when she came out. Howard said she's got a great body. Gary said she'd be ''smokin'' if she had implants to bump her up to a B-cup.
Howard asked Caroline more about the AA stuff and what she was into. She said she was also doing drugs. She said that she was shooting up speedballs. She also told Howard that her mother was a drug addict and that's why she left when she was a teenager. Caroline told Howard she's done just about every type of drug. Almost every drug they mentioned she'd done. Howard couldn't believe that she did all of that but she still got a 1580 on her SATs and goes to Princeton. The guys said just imagine what she could do if she didn't do all of that stuff. She said she was in and out of rehab 3 times.
Howard seemed fascinated with her stories so he kept questioning her about some of the stuff she's done. Everything she was saying was what the guys wanted to hear. She said that she never had to ''do a guy'' to get coke because her grandparents have a lot of money and they always gave some to her.
Caroline said she wants to become a forensic scientist which surprised Howard. He said she could make a lot of money as a stripper.
After Caroline said she shaves everything, Howard asked her what it would take to get the bikini bottom off. She said that if Howard hooks her up with implants, she'd show him everything. Howard agreed to send her to Dr. Calabro so she took the bottoms off. Artie said this was the greatest show in the world and bragged that he was at work right then, looking at a naked, hot chick. Howard said she really was shaved and looked amazing.
Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) was on the phone and ready to do the work. Howard and the guys told him not to go any bigger than a B-cup when he does her implants. Dr. Calabro said that he goes by what the women want and sometimes they want huge ones. Howard and Gary told him to stick with the B though.
Howard spent some time talking about Artie's drinking and drug abuse after Dr. Calabro's call. They ended up talking about some other stuff too before Howard wrapped up the segment. Howard was talking about how he was pitching a new TV show to his buddy Lloyd Braun over at ABC. He talked about that and explained to Robin how the TV networks work and why he thinks ABC can become a number one network again. He wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Gange's date Lorraine called in and tried to explain what went on. She said it was more complicated than it seemed to Howard. She said they were friends and there was a lot of stuff that complicated the situation but when Robin asked her if she would have been against Gange trying to kiss her, she said ''no.'' So he should have tried something because it may have led to more. Lorraine said she really didn't expect anything to happen that night even though it wasn't their first date. Everyone in the studio agreed that Gange is a mess. Howard moved on to do an evaluation. (Snipped)
Stuttering John asked her if her breasts are real. She claims that they are. John was touching his crotch and leering at Catherine as soon as she came in. Howard asked him what he would give up to have her. John said if his wife said it was okay he'd give her $1000 or $2000 to have sex with her. Artie was laughing hysterically at his answer. Gary asked him if he would pay $50,000 to have sex with her if he had the chance. He said he'd never pay that much to have sex with a woman. He said she might be able to get him up to $5000 but not 50.
Howard spent a short time talking to Catherine about the TV show ''JAG'' which she stars in. She recited one of her lines that she had to memorize years ago. John asked her if there was any way to get her in a bikini while she was in. She didn't sound interested.
The guys talked about some of the other stuff Catherine has been in including being a body double in the movie ''Death Becomes Her.''
Howard also offered to measure Catherine for a bra like he did earlier in the show. She agreed to that after Howard explained how JC Penny has this add talking about how some women don't wear the correct size. She went over and let Howard measure her. Howard did his thing and came up with an A-cup but they were obviously not that small. Howard said they had to be a D. She claims they're a C.
Howard took a commercial break and said that Catherine told him that ''JAG'' as been on the air for 7 years now. He said she must be making some decent money now if it's been on that long. He also found out that she's been married for 8 years. Howard invited both of them to the movie he's going to see tonight. He spent more time talking to Catherine about her life. She says that she didn't know her father very well when she was younger and she's not even sure if he's alive today. She said she heard that he died in a car accident but she's not sure about that. She told Howard that her mother never married her father but she did have a dad around while she grew up.
Catherine told Howard that she wasn't good looking in high school She was tall and skinny and she had ears that stuck out. She said she had to have them pinned back. She also told Howard that she lost her virginity pretty young to a friend of hers who she just wanted to experiment with.
Howard asked her about when she started acting and about the body double thing she did for Isabela Rosalini in ''Death Becomes Her.'' She said she just did the ass scene where she's getting out of a pool after taking a potion that makes her younger. Artie said it was a great scene and Howard should consult Mr. Skin about it. KC came in a short time later and said they got the picture from MrSkin.com and put it up on the screen for Howard to see. There were a couple of nude shots of her there. One of them was from the HBO show ''Dream On.''
Howard wanted to get to Mike Walker but he wasn't on the phone yet. He made a quick announcement about how they need interns for the fall semester. He said if you're interested you can e-mail Anne Marie at annemarie@howardstern.com or fax your info to her at (212) 314-9340.
Howard got back to Catherine for a few minutes while he waited for Mike Walker. Howard asked her about whether or not her husband spanks her and stuff like that. She said he might do it playfully but she's not into that kind of stuff. Howard then found out that Catherine is a Scientologist which Howard ended up goofing on her about. He goofed on the whole L. Ron Hubbard thing and how he was a science fiction writer and what a scam that whole thing is.
Mike was finally on the phone so Howard got to him. He spent a minute talking to him before the game. Robin wanted to know where he was last week because they were unable to find him. Mike said he thought they were off last week so he wasn't around to play the game. They finally got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes goofing on Scientology and took some phone calls for Catherine before wrapping up the interview.
Howard gave Richard a plug for Carolines comedy club where he'll be appearing tonight through Sunday. Jeni said that Gary might show up at the show tonight as a guest. Gary said he and his wife will be in the city for a wedding rehearsal so they might go to the show. Gary is in this wedding party and Howard said that's so gay. Howard didn't have time to get into it but someone said that he may have lectured this guy Ross on whether or not he should get married. Howard said he'd get into that story on Monday but he doesn't have time for it today. Howard had Robin do her news while Richard sat in and commented on some of the stories she did.
Howard thought it would make for a funny bit so he took a break and let them set Beet up with the ear piece again. Howard said that a bunch of people would tune in late and not know what was going on anyway.
After the break Howard tried it again. This time it worked a little better. Howard would give him a state, Sean would feed Beetlejuice the correct answer and Beet would say what he thought he heard. It wasn't always exactly the right answer but it was close. Robin told Howard it wasn't working but Howard thought otherwise. He thought it was funny enough to continue it for a while.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and pretended he didn't know it was a goof. He gave Beet some states and got some half-correct answers from Beet. Dominic ended up cracking himself up and said something about the ear piece as Howard hung up on him. A couple of other callers seemed to believe that it was a real thing so Howard played along with them for a little while too. Sometimes Beetle would get the answer right on and other times, like with Sacramento, he'd give a bizarre answer. For Sacramento he said something like ''ahtos.'' For Juno, Alaska he said ''Junos'' and for Albany, New York he said ''Albanies.'' Close enough for an idiot savant.
Howard started to do another Beetlejuice bit but gave up on it pretty quick. KC had done a ''Homeless Game'' type thing with Beetle but after the second question Howard gave up on it saying that it was just dumb.
Howard then brought in the other dwarf that was there with Beet. Big Papa is Beetlejuice's body guard. He's also the dwarf that was messing around with the whore out in the green room earlier in the show. Howard questioned him for a couple of minutes about how he met Beet. Howard said Big Papa looks kind of like Billy Bob Thornton. KC said he looks more like Aaron Lewis from the band Staind. Howard spoke to Beet about the anthrax stuff that's going on. Beet was clueless of course but it made for some amusing radio. Visit JollyDwarf.com for more info on Beetlejuice.
After taking a break Howard came back and said that Beetle had to get going because he had a flight to catch. Meanwhile, John the Stutterer came back in and Howard learned that he gave oral sex to one of the whores out in the green room. The E! guys played tape of it so Howard could watch it. Howard said John did it without any protection and questioned him how he could do something like that to a prostitute. John doesn't have a problem with it and said he really enjoys it.
When General Manager Tom Chiusano heard about what happened he came down to kick John out of the building. Tom said that he crossed the line and should be kicked out of the building. Howard agreed that he may have crossed the line but didn't think that he should be kicked out. Howard convinced Tom that John didn't know that he was doing wrong and he was allowed to stay. Tom then went out and yelled at Gary and Mike Gange because they didn't stop it soon enough. Gange filmed the scene and Tom thought he should have stopped it instead. Tom apparently told Gange that he works in a business-like environment and he shouldn't let anything like that go on. Howard goofed on Tom a little bit for the way he talks to people and Tom didn't appreciate that either. It was a very odd situation but John did get to hang around after the controversy.
Howard asked Jerry if he was upset about the recent operation where conjoined twins were separated. He said that those kids could have been guests on his show someday. Jerry said that's true and they could have been guests one day.
Gary told Howard that the show he's in the audience for airs today. Check your local listings for time and channel. Gary continued his stories about what happened while he was in the audience of the show. Gary said Jerry is really accessible during the show and he opens the show with some stand-up comedy. Howard wanted to know what kind of jokes he tells so Jerry told Howard some of the jokes and said that he's been doing the same material for 12 years.
Jerry said that he also has a show in South Africa. He said he goes down there once a month and shoots 4 shows that air on Saturday nights. He spent a short time on that and then Gary told Howard that Jerry took some measly amount of money for the rights to those tapes that they sell with the wacky moments from his show and they've sold really well.
Gary said Jerry's show is under new ownership and they announced to the audience that they're going back to the good old days with more fights on the show. Jerry told Howard that they should have the guys on the show fighting with each other for a week or so and they'd see their ratings go right up. Howard said they almost had one between Robin and Gary earlier in the morning.
Gary said at one point the guy who he brought with him to the show gets up and asks a really inappropriate question. That gets the crowd angry and they start booing him. Gary said the crowd gets really into that stuff and if a question is too soft they'll boo the person and tell them to go on Oprah.
Howard wrapped up the call and gave Jerry's show another plug. He also reminded everyone that Gary is appearing on today's show and then he'll also be on ''Hollywood Squares'' next month.
Howard spent a few minutes taking phone calls and talking about this guy Elliott Spitzer who is the Attorney General of New York. Howard said the guy was on ''60 Minutes'' the other day and found out something cool about stock broker houses. Howard said that he discovered that these places will send out internal memos about crap stocks but the stock brokers end up telling people that they're good buys. Spitzer says this is fraud so they're going to sue over it.
''Bob'' joked about a bunch of other stuff including the hatred of Jews. Howard read his script and played along with the bit for a little while. ''Bob'' ended the call with the song and quickly ended the call. One listener called in and complained about how unfunny the impression was. He begged Howard not to let the guy back on the show again.
Howard asked Beet if he knew what he was dressed like today. He thought he was dressed like a clown. Howard told him he was dressed as Uncle Sam and he said ''Yeah, uncle Junior'' from The Sopranos. Obviously Beetlejuice had no clue what was going on. Howard asked him what he thought happened to the World Trade Center buildings. First of all he thought that the buildings were in Jersey. He did know that the ''F-ing Arabs'' made them fall down though. Howard had to hit the delay on him when he cursed. Howard asked him if he knew when they fell and he said ''82 or '86.'' Howard asked Beet if he knows who the President of the country is. Beet said that George Washington is President. At least he got the first name right.
Howard then started asking Beetlejuice who he hates other than the ''F-ing Arabs'' that he'd mentioned earlier. Beet said he hates the Jews and that he thinks they're the ones who actually brought down the towers. Howard then started mentioning groups of people like the Amish, the Eskimos and Antarcticans. Beetle said he hates them all. He hates the Indians, the blacks, the Eskimos, the Antarcticans, the Whites and just about every other group that Howard mentioned to him. He loves women though. It seemed that Howard found one group of people that he likes but then Beet said that he hates ''Jewish broads.''
Howard took a few phone calls for Beetlejuice and got him all wound up. He ended up saying that he was going to kill one of the callers after he called Beet some names. Howard wrapped up the interview saying that Beetle has an action figure coming out by the end of the year. To find out more info on Beetle and everything he's got going on just head over to JollyDwarf.com
Howard and Robin did a short news segment after letting ''Evil Dave'' do some comedy material before ending the show.
When Jennifer came in (dressed in a bathing suit) Howard broke the news to her that she's not nearly as hot as Megan Mason. He said Jennifer is good looking but not on the level with Megan. He wouldn't give her number on a scale of 1 to 10 though. Howard spent a few minutes talking to the 23 year old and found out her breasts are two different sizes, that's why she wants the implants. Howard told her he'd give them to her and had Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) on the phone to ask him if he'd be willing to do the work. Of course Dr. Calabro is always happy to give away free implants so she's all set.
Howard told Jennifer about the Wheel of Sex and everything that was on it...
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Howard found out that Ozzy likes to use a lot of Viagra. Ozzy said something about 15 pills and Sharon said that he sucks on them because he likes the taste. Ozzy said he's an addict and he likes the taste of medication, that's why he sucks on them.
Howard couldn't get off the subject of Sharon's weight loss. Sharon told Howard about the procedure she had done and how it's safer than having your stomach stapled like Carnie Wilson had done. Howard thought she had some other surgery done on her but she said she wouldn't do that at this point in her life. She just lost the weight and Robin said she didn't even recognize her out in the hallway.
Howard spoke to the two of them about their sex life too. Sharon said the last time they had sex was probably a month ago but Ozzy seems to think it was even longer. He told Howard one story about going to Japan one time with Sharon. He got so wasted when he got there that he forgot that Sharon was there so he went out and got himself a Japanese woman to bang. He got back to his hotel room and his wife was there. She knocked the Japanese woman out and smashed a picture frame over Ozzy's head.
Some of the stuff Ozzy was saying had to be interpreted by Sharon because he tends to ramble and mumble quite a bit. It was very amusing. Howard wrapped up the interview by taking a phone call. The caller told Howard that Ozzy's new album was great. Howard then played a bit of the new single and then took a commercial break so he could get to Paul McCartney.
Angelo talked about being sent to solitary confinement for 4 straight years and how he's thinking of suing the state over the whole thing. His lawyer said they are going to sue for $50 million. He's been out of prison since July.
Howard took some phone calls for the guy and one person said he'll probably end up back in prison. He did have some other convictions before he was charged with the murder. Angelo doesn't seem to think that he'll end up back there even though that's pretty much all he knows at this time. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to him about the marriages he had and how excited he must have been to finally get out.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said there's not a very good chance for them to win the $50 million case. He said the drug charges will really hurt him. Angelo's lawyer said there have been a couple of cases won in similar cases but they only awarded about $2 million. He added that those people didn't spend 17 years in prison. Howard wrapped up the interview and wished Angelo luck. He also told him to let them know what he's up to in the future.
The excitement in the studio was very high when Paul showed up. You could hear it in both Howard and Robin's voices that they were thrilled to have Paul there.
Paul told Howard that he has heard and seen his show on occasion. He said he'd listen in his car once in a while. His limo driver actually told him not to do Howard's show because he's so nasty but Paul decided to give it a try anyway.
Howard said that Paul must be one of the most loving guys in the world because he stayed with Linda so long. Howard seems to think that Paul could have had his choice of any woman but he stayed with Linda for 30 years. He claims that he was with her almost every day of his life from the time they were married until Linda died. The longest period he stayed away was when he was arrested in Japan for marijuana possession. He spent a short time telling Howard about that experience and how he thought he was going to be serving 7 years hard labor over there. Paul also told Howard he got his ''rock star'' lifestyle out of his system before he met Linda so he was ready to settle down with her. He also said everything was different with her when he met her.
Howard also questioned Paul about Yoko Ono and how she actually met him before she met John Lennon. Then she claimed that she didn't even know who the Beatles were. Paul said he couldn't say too much about Yoko because he could get in trouble with her. He did tell his side of the story though and it sounds like Yoko knew exactly who the Beatles were before she met John. Paul said that life's too short to worry about stuff like that though.
Howard asked Paul why he wasn't involved in the John Lennon Tribute that took place a few weeks ago. Paul said he had other things to do and he also thought it would be a little weird for him to be there singing the songs. Howard also brought up how Julian Lennon wasn't invited to the tribute. Once again Paul didn't want to get into that whole discussion in public.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about the rumor that their manager gave John Lennon oral sex at one point. Paul said that his theory was that it never happened. Paul said that whenever he saw John, whether he was sober or not, he was always with a woman.
Howard brought up Paul's current fiancee Heather and asked if his kids are still upset that he's going to get married. Paul said they've come around recently and they're not upset about the marriage. Howard seemed to think that the kids would be upset about losing their inheritance to their stepmother but Paul said he told them that won't happen. Paul also told Howard how he has tried to raise his kids like normal kids. He sent them to public schools so they'd grow up without being spoiled rich kids. He wanted them to experience real people so they'd respect them like he had to do. Paul told Howard that 15 months after Linda died he met Heather and he felt guilty that he was going with another woman. He said he walked around alone and asked Linda to give him a sign if it was okay to be going out with this other woman. He said he heard an owl hoot and he took that as a yes.
Michael Jackson's name also came up. Michael owns the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. Paul said he used to have a good relationship with Michael until he got the publishing rights. After that Paul said he wrote to Michael asking him for a raise on his royalties but he doesn't ever get an answer so he doesn't have much of a relationship with him anymore. He finds the whole situation ironic. Paul does own a lot of publishing rights to a lot of songs. He said he got advice from his father-in-law when he got married to Linda. He suggested that Paul invest his money in a music publishing company and that's what he ended up doing. It took all of the money he had at the time but it's paid off in the long run. Paul said it was very risky but he lucked out.
Howard has heard over the years that Paul would sometimes play drums instead of Ringo on some of their songs. Paul said that sometimes that would happen and no one else in the band would hold it against him. He said he'd sometimes play some of George Harrison's guitar parts too if he thought it would help the song. He said the other guys were cool with it.
Howard heard that Paul disliked Elvis' cover of ''Yesterday'' so he asked him about that. Paul said that he doesn't hate any of the cover versions of their songs. He said that the Elvis cover was funny because he screwed up the lyrics at one point. Howard played him a few clips from the cover songs from Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby and William Shatner. They all got a few laughs out of the songs.
Howard plugged Paul's new album ''Driving Rain'' which comes out November 13th. He also played the new single that Paul has coming out called ''Lover to a Friend.'' The proceeds from the song will go to the families of the police and fire department employees who were lost in the September 11th tragedy. Paul said that he was sitting in an airplane on the runway getting ready to fly back to England when the tragedy happened. He could actually see the smoke from the World Trade Center out the window of the plane. He's also playing a concert this Saturday that will also go to help those lost in the tragedy. Howard took a few phone calls including one from Vinnie Favale who was upset he wasn't allowed in the studio today. Howard told Vinnie earlier in the show that he ruined the Ringo Starr interview recently so he didn't want him doing the same to Paul's interview. Vinnie asked Paul a couple of questions and Howard cut him off. After the phone calls Howard let Paul go and took a break.
After the break Howard said that he was almost speechless when Paul walked in the studio. Gary said he was watching it on the monitor and it was a big deal when he came in. Howard said the McCartney interview will be airing on E! next week, Monday and Tuesday, October 22 and 23 at 11pm
Howard talked to Colin about his stand-up comedy career. Colin said when he gets introduced they say you know him from SNL but people now know that he's not on there.
Colin is friends with Stuttering John so they go out to lunch once in a while. Howard said Colin has a great story about a priest that he heard from Stuttering John. Colin said he wasn't all that young when it happened. He was in his early teens when this gay stuff happened. He said he was pretty experimental at that age. He said he and his friends would use their hands on each other. Robin wondered how that comes up between two guys. Howard said it almost happened to him when he was a kid but he didn't do anything. After hearing the bits and pieces of the story Howard said there's a sitcom in there somewhere. Colin said he wasn't innocent in the whole thing so he knew what was going on and that it was wrong. Stuttering John came in and said that Colin was being a little bit shy and that he actually pleasured a Priest one time. Colin said that's not quite true. He said the Priest may have touched his private parts and of course it felt good. Someone called in as Colin's priest but his impression was so bad that Howard just hung up on him. Colin said his accent sounded Russian or something.
Colin also had a story about being picked up by a transvestite one time. He got oral from that dude. He said his experimental sexual stuff was done by the time he was 15 or so.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Colin and then took a break. Colin stuck around to hang out during Robin's news segment.
Mr. T came in and Howard spent some time talking to him. They talked about his cancer fight and some other things that have gone on in his life. At one point Mr. T mentioned the incident where he cut down some trees on his property and his neighbors got upset with him. He thinks that it was a white/black thing but Howard disagreed with him. That really set off Mr. T. He went nuts yelling and arguing with Howard about the situation for a few minutes. Howard eventually had to give up on the argument because he couldn't get a word in.
When Howard asked Mr. T if he has a girlfriend he said yes. A short time later he said he was kidding and he doesn't have one. Howard and Robin sounded very interested in finding out about the new woman because he hasn't had one in such a long time. It was all a lie though.
Howard then moved on to the arm wrestling thing. He told Mr. T he was going to bring in three guys who wanted to arm wrestle him for a new Xbox video game console. Mr. T then said that he wasn't going to arm wrestle anyone. He said he doesn't have anything to prove and he doesn't do that. Howard brought the three guys in anyway and told them he'd try to get them each an Xbox. Gary came in and said that Mr. T's agent knew about this arm wrestling thing and the agent claims that Mr. T knew about it. Mr. T said he really didn't know and he wouldn't have agreed to do it anyway. Once again there was a big argument about the whole thing. Some of the guys that came down said that Mr. T was a chump for backing out of this. He insisted that he would never do this unless it was for charity or something. Howard then wrapped up the interview and gave out Mr. T's plugs. Mr. T was promoting 1-800-COLLECT and Conair products that can be purchased on Conair.com. He's also got a Mr. T Wacky Wobble doll out. It's one of those dolls where the head bobs around uncontrollably. Veronica got to ring the bell they had set up just one time as Howard ended the segment.
He eventually lost his wife when she found out what was going on. Then the stripper moved to Los Angeles and Nick ended up losing his business, his homes, his family and eventually the stripper. He said that relationship got just as routine as his marriage had gotten so they broke up. Nick said that he's not only against getting married again but he's against getting into another relationship at all.
Howard said the moral of the story was ''Don't buy a stripper a car.'' Nick said that his whole life was turned upside down because of his obsession with a hot chick. Check out the chick for yourself at Nick's web site Mancini.cc
Beetle was sporting some blonde hair so Howard asked him if that's his natural hair color. Of course he said it is but then said he mixes his own hair dye to get it that color. Howard asked Beetle about his ''wife'' Katiejuice and what happened to her. (she doesn't actually exist) Beetle said that she moved down to North Carolina.
Beetle was drunk already so Robin asked him what he was drinking. He answered with his infamous ''Me!?'' and said he's drinking rum, ''...straight up, on the rocks.''
Howard went on to tell Beetle what a genius he is with this video they've put out. He tried to talk about the video but Beetle was rambling about how he's a stunt man and about all of the stunts he does. Howard kept trying to get back to the video but it wasn't easy with Beet constantly interrupting to ramble nonsense. Howard said the stuff they do on the video is crazy. So crazy that he's not sure if it's even legal. Howard said that it's a step above what they do on Jackass.
Robin was laughing at some of the stuff Beetle was saying so he got upset and told her that this was all serious and not funny. Howard ended up distracting him with the George Takei laugh. Beetle kept rambling though. Howard told Beet how this new video is genius but Robin said something and Beet went off on her again.
Howard said he saw Beetle punch this guy Drunken Jaime in the face at one point on the tape. Then Drunken Jaime gets naked and goes to a gym in a hotel lobby in front of a woman who's working out. Beet was a little confused by some of the things Howard was talking about though. Howard said that Beet lights Big Papa's feet on fire at one point but Beet said that was Jaime who did that. He had no clue what was going on. Howard said Jaime eats cat doody at one point and that led to Beet cursing so Howard had to hit the delay. He had to get off that subject because he was so drunk he didn't even know he was cursing. Beetle also drives and crashes a car at one point in the video.
Howard gave a plug for the video which is called ''Beetle Uncensored'' which led to Beetle trying to say the name of the video. He was slurring his words and saying ''Beetle Onsisis'' and ''Sex onsisis'' among other names. KC then came in and mentioned some of the wacky things Beetle does in this video. There's a lot of getting naked and doing weird stuff with his buddies and stuff like that. Beet pumps gas naked and fights with some people too. KC said he had a clip of one of his fights for Howard to watch. He played that and you hear Beet just yelling at the top of his lungs at someone at a 7-11 convenience store. The guy just asked him for ID so he could buy some alcohol and he flipped out. He had to be carried out of the store.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before he wrapped up the segment. One guy said he heard that Beetle was a coke head and that he was arrested. Beet denied it but who knows what the real story is. Butt Billionaire player Jeff Curro also called in and spoke to Beet for a short time. Another caller called Beet some names but didn't get him as riled up as you'd think he'd get. Howard then took a call from a ''woman'' claiming to be Katiejuice but she ended up calling him a ''nigga.''
Howard was getting ready to wrap things up but Beetlejuice wanted to introduce his ''grandson'' to Howard. It turned out to be a 7 year old kid who lives with Beetle at this guy Sean's house. Beet thinks it's his grandson though. Howard tried to interview the kid but Beetlejuice was answering all of his questions. Beet talked about how he and his ''grandson'' play Playstation games together and stuff like that. After a couple of minutes Howard wrapped everything up and ended the segment.
Howard brought up Jon's performance on the Grammy Awards and how it was a big mistake for him to take off his clothes. Howard asked Jon if he watched the performance after he did it. Jon said he didn't watch it to see how he did. Howard didn't seem to think it was that great of a hosting performance.
Howard brought up Jon's crying on his show The Daily Show and how Bill Maher said that when Jon Stewart and David Letterman cried on their shows, they let the terrorists win. Maher said guys should never cry on TV.
Howard had a bunch facts about Jon and found out his real last name used to be Liebowitz. Jon joked that his real name is Jewy Jewman.
Howard gave Jon a couple of plugs for some stand-up comedy gigs he's doing. He's appearing at the Beacon Theater in New York City on Saturday and he'll be in Cincinnati on Friday. (Howard said Jon doesn't even know what club he's going to be at.)
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk Curro who wondered if he's up for any FME awards. Howard said he doesn't want to tell him if he's up for anything because he doesn't want to spoil it. Howard took a few more phone calls and then had this intern come in who was really excited to meet Jon. Carey is an almost blind guy who has used medical marijuana. Howard spent some time talking to Carey about his condition and about his use of medical marijuana. He was interning up in Canada for some time and got to use it up there. He said it seems to be stronger than regular marijuana. Carey said he wasn't shaking to meet Jon, he'd run down the hall to get there and that's why he was shaking. Carey said that his dream is to be a writer on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Howard asked him if he wanted to touch Jon's face to see what he looks like. Carey said he does have some sight so he didn't need to do that.
Howard had another FME award to give away and this category was ''Best Staff Argument.'' Jon stuck around to open the envelope. Howard played clips of the nominees which included:
Howard spent a little more time talking to Jon before taking another break. He goofed on Jon and his relationship with his father for a short time. Earlier in the interview Jon was talking about how he hasn't really kept in touch with his father much lately. Howard pretended to be Jon's father calling in and told some fake stories about what he and Jon did together years ago. Jon was laughing quite a bit during the phony call. He seemed to enjoy the goofing around. Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Jon a couple more plugs for the stand-up gigs and then took a break.
Johnny told Howard that he wrote 10 ''Ni****'' songs back in the '60's and recorded a total of 12. He said it was a different time back then and he wouldn't think of writing anything like them these days. He's written ''F-You Osama bin Laden'' instead. Howard played a quick clip of that song for us and said you can get a copy of that at OfficialJohnnyRebel.com or IHateOsama.com.
Howard spent a few more minutes trying to find out where Johnny was coming from with all of those racist songs. Johnny said none of the songs about his wife running off with a ''ni****'' were true stories. They were just songs that he wrote. The words just came to him he says.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Johnny before wrapping up with him. He also spoke to him about what he does for a living down in Louisiana. Apparently he raises worms to make a living. Howard didn't seem to believe that Johnny isn't a racist. Howard and Artie were making a bunch of ''ni****'' jokes too so Johnny wasn't so sure that Howard wasn't a racist.
Howard brought up Rudy's upcoming marriage and told him that he's upset with him for getting married. He's already been divorced once and Howard wonders why he'd go through that again. Rudy said it might have something to do with the prostate cancer thing. He talked about that and how it effected his sex life. He said for a while he had no sex drive but it eventually came back to him. Rudy told Howard that any guy out there who is over 45 should get a PSA blood test so the doctors can possibly catch the prostate cancer thing and put a stop to it.
Howard brought up the quote that Giuliani made last year shortly after the attacks on the World Trade Center. He said that he wanted to be the one to execute Osama bin Laden if they ever caught him. Rudy told Howard he said that to President Bush a few days after the attacks and he was serious about it.
Howard asked Rudy what he's doing these days to stay busy. Rudy said that he's got his own security consulting business and they're working with officials in Mexico City at this time trying to clean up the crime down there. Howard said he's afraid that Rudy is going to send all of the people up to New York City to clear it up down there. Howard told Rudy that if anyone can clean up that city, he's the one who can do it.
Howard asked Rudy what he did with all of the homeless people while he was in office because they're all coming back now that he's out. Rudy said they stayed on top of the problem every day but it kept coming back and coming back so it was a constant problem.
Rudy told Howard he thinks that the new mayor, Michael Bloomberg, is doing a good job. He told Howard that he thinks that he's running it like a business and that's what should be done.
Howard and Robin spoke to Rudy about some of the strange things Bloomberg is doing to bring more money into the city. They said that Bloomberg wants to add tolls to every bridge coming in over the East River. Rudy said he hadn't heard that one yet and he'd have to look into it more. Robin said there would be huge backups if they added tolls to those bridges. She also told Rudy that Bloomberg wants to charge for garbage pickup.
Howard told Giuliani once again that he wants to back him for President. Rudy told him that his wish right now is to get George W. Bush reelected. He said someday he may get directly involved with politics but for now he's sticking to what he's doing. Howard wondered if he'd run for Vice President if Dick Cheney retires at the end of his term. Giuliani wasn't committing to anything like that though.
Howard gave Rudy a plug for the book signing he's doing this afternoon at Borders Books on 57th and Park at noon. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Gary came in and said he heard that Erik was really annoying to this guy Eric from Elektra records. Eric from Elektra called in and told Howard how he ran into High Pitch at the Hank the Dwarf memorial they had on the street and he was really annoying. High Pitch ended up asking Eric for a bunch of stuff including his credit card number so he could pay for his cable bill! He barely knew the guy and he was asking for his credit card number. High Pitch said that he was put on welfare and he's going crazy. High Pitch didn't have an explanation for what he did.
Howard moved on to let High Pitch spin the Wheel of Sex so he could play for a Microsoft Xbox video game system. Someone was playing with the cod they'd used earlier in the show and Erik was freaking out. He hates fish and he didn't want it anywhere near him. He was screaming like Mickey Mouse being murdered as someone put the fish near him. They then put three fish near him and he went crazy screaming ''NO, NO... Get it away!'' They kept this up for a couple of minutes because it was so amusing to see him freak out. Since he was so freaked out by the fish Howard wanted to make him either make out with a fish or put one down his pants to win the Xbox. Erik refused to kiss the fish but he wanted to make a deal. Howard told him there was no deal, he had to either kiss the fish or put one down his thong bikini. Erik wanted nothing to do with the fish at all. He turned down the $300 Xbox because he doesn't like dead fish! KC was making the fish talk to Erik so he was completely freaked out.
Gary came in and asked Howard to get Erik to stop bothering Chef Bobby, the guy who makes Howard's lunch. Chef Bobby was on the phone to tell Howard that Erik is always hanging out at his business bothering him for food. He's got to keep up that physique somehow.
KC chased Erik out of the studio with the fish. They gave him a count of three and he ran out of the studio. This guy Jonas called in and said that Erik is also afraid of the dark and moths.
Howard said they're rushing this segment to air on tomorrow night's E! show.
Laurie told Howard about how she's a Playboy lingerie model for the book of Lingerie series that Playboy puts out. She went through her history and how she was supposed to go through law school but changed her mind and got into nude modeling. She said her parents weren't too happy with that and they didn't speak to her for about a year after she told them.
Laurie also told Howard how she used to get hit on by her high school teachers but she never went all the way with any of them. She told him one story about how her hot looking male history teacher hit on her but she thought better of it and didn't let the relationship get that far.
Laurie then told Howard about her first lesbian experience that she had while she was a cheerleader over in Germany. Howard and the rest of the guys were all getting off on the whole story and wanted her to drag it out longer and longer. She said she and the other cheerleader didn't go all the way but there was some touching over the panties going on.
Howard said he was running out of time so he let Laurie plug all of her stuff. She said that she does a lot of woman on woman movies and it's real sex, not put on for the movie. Howard wanted to find out more about these lesbian experiences so he asked her what her best lesbian experience was. Laurie went on to tell Howard about one of her latest experiences down in Miami. She was shooting a movie, not a porno but a real movie, when she met this celebrity who she refused to name. She told the story about how she went out with this woman after the movie shoot just to hang out. It eventually led to the celebrity asking about her lesbian movies. The unnamed celebrity was curious about lesbianism so the two of them went back to a room and got into some sexual stuff. Laurie described the night to everyone and Howard later said he almost had ''an accident'' in his pants while he was thinking about all of this stuff. Laurie said she had a ''very good time'' with this woman when Howard asked her if she had an orgasm. Everyone wanted to know who the celebrity was but she refused to name the other woman.
Howard had to end the interview after about 45 minutes. Laurie said that you can check out nude photos of her on her web site and all of her girl on girl movies are available there. Howard said she was one of the best guests he's had on the show. Her stories were really hot.
When Janice came in she was very hyper so Howard said he had to calm her down a bit. She was talking non-stop and kissing Howard's ass. She said she's been listening to Howard since 1996 and she loves the show. She even gave Howard a mention in her book.
Janice mentioned that she has a 15 year old son so Howard figures she must be a MILF (Mother I'd Like To F***). Howard asked her if any of her son's friends have hit on her. She said that Jack Osbourne did hit on her a little bit but she never did anything with him because he's under age.
Howard spent a little time talking to Janice about her book. He spoke to her about her father and how he allegedly molested her and one of her sisters. Her younger sister wasn't effected by any of this and she doesn't approve of the book. Janice said that both of her parents are gone now. She said that her mother told her she should have tried to stop the father from molesting her daughters before she died.
Howard went on to ask Janice about all of the celebrities she slept with. She was with Warren Beatty, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Nicolson and Mick Jagger. Howard tried to find out who she thought the best one was in bed but she didn't want to answer it at first. Ralph eventually convinced her to give a top three and she broke down and said that Mick Jagger was great in bed. She said he liked to ''go south'' on her and their lips together were great. Howard asked her about some of the other celebrities she slept with. She talked about some of the strange things Warren Beatty and Jack Nicolson did. She claims that Beatty would stare at himself in the mirror after having sex with her. She didn't think it was that weird though. Gary came in and told Howard that he didn't do it right after sex. Janice woke up at 3 in the morning and saw he wasn't in bed, he was looking at himself in the mirror.
Janice also dated Bruce Willis when, she claims, he was a drunk bartender. She said she went with him for about 8 months and there was nothing strange about him. In the book she also talks about a bunch of other celebrities she's had run ins with.
Howard took some phone calls for her and one guy told Howard to get her off the show because she's so obnoxious. She just let the guy go off on her and said she'd take him on if he came up to the studio. A couple of other callers also called in and said she was obnoxious. She was talking so fast and furious that it was actually annoying people. She slowed down her speech for a short time but that only lasted about 5 seconds. Gary said that at least she had stories to tell even if she was talking fast.
Janice said back in her day she was making $10,000 a day walking the runway. She said now that's up to about $50,000 a day for 4 minutes of work.
Howard had Janice stand up and show off her body for them. The guys were all impressed with her body. Howard said it was a ''kick-ass'' body. She said she wishes she was 10 years younger. She's 47 now. Artie was amazed when he heard how old she was.
Howard started to wrap things up but Gary asked a few more questions. They found out she's single and available but she did have sex last night with some famous guy who's name she refused to give out. She also told Howard that she has had sex with other women and she's still willing to do that. She spent a short time talking about her friendship with Elle McPherson before Howard had to take a commercial break.
Howard also tried asking Greg about his sexual habits but Greg was trying to keep some of that quiet. At one point Howard asked him when he had anal sex last but he wouldn't give him an answer. You can find out more about the gay cologne at 10Percent.com
After doing the bit Howard gave Ermey a plug for his show ''Mail Call'' which airs on the History Channel on Monday nights at 8pm. You can find more info at HistoryChannel.com. Ermey stayed in character through the whole thing and before leaving he went off on Artie and Howard again. He told Artie he was so greasy that it looked like he washed himself with a funnel cake. He also went off on KC again about being stupid. Howard gave Ermey another plug and talked to him a little bit about this show of his. He said he's having a lot of fun doing the show. Howard also told him how great he was in ''Full Metal Jacket.'' Ermey said that most of the lines he used in the film were written by him. Howard asked him if he ever does his Sgt. Hartman character in bed with his wife. He said he never got off on doing that, he likes to say cuddly things to his wife in bed. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
UPDATE: 07/18/05 - Howard said that he has confirmation that David Lee Roth will be replacing him in New York City and Adam Carolla will be replacing him out in Los Angeles. He does not have confirmation that he'll be gone in September though. Read more about these rumors below: