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Mac and Bumble
Howard then got into the game with Robin and asked her a bunch of these questions from ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire.'' Robin was doing okay but she had to use her ''lifelines'' on a couple of questions but she got up to the $250,000 question before she ran out. She used the last one, her phone-a-friend on a question about a 1941 book question. Fred was her ''friend'' and he didn't know the answer so he gave Robin his best guess. Robin went with it anyway and ended up blowing the game because she went with Fred's guess. Of course she says she wouldn't have risked it if she were actually on the show and she had $125,000 at stake. Everyone thinks she would have gone for it no matter what though.
Gary came in and said he saw pictures of all of the women that went on the trip and Radzinski may have had the smallest boobs of the bunch. He only saw them in their bikinis but Howard demanded to see the pictures himself. He checked them out and wondered what the hell went on during that vacation. She was topless in some of the pictures but had her hands over her breasts.
Radzinski went on to tell a story about getting a massage while she was over there. She said they stayed in the nicest hotel there was in Istanbul. She said that the other girls got massages from this good looking masseuse and she was last in line. She said she went in nude wearing a towel. The guy puts a sheet over her ass as she laid face down on the massage table. She described how he eventually started rubbing his aroused penis in her hand as she laid there getting rubbed down. She said she didn't stop him because she was actually thinking that she might want to have sex with the guy. She said she wasn't sure she wanted to do anything. He eventually moved to her other side and continued to rub himself on the other hand. He eventually had her sit up and massaged her breasts and stomach. She sat through that too but when the guy leaned over and moaned in her ear, she took off. She said she had to go and ran upstairs to her room. The other girls said the guy didn't try anything with them. They also told Radzinski that she had been down there for two hours! She now realizes that she was molested by this guy.
Howard wanted to know if they could reenact the massage for the E! show. Artie volunteered for the part of the molesting masseuse. Howard and Artie were doing their Arab guy impressions for a short time goofing around with what the guy must have done when Robin ran out of the room.
Howard took a couple of phone calls about the story. One guy said that the story was good but he had a boner sitting in his truck. He said he may have to pleasure himself because of it. Another caller said he used to massage women and when they'd fall asleep he'd have sex with them. That led to a discussion about how some guys are able to get laid by these masseuses. Howard said he's gotten massages but none of the women ever offer to do anything to him. He told a story about how one masseuse may have wanted to do something to him but he wasn't interested at the time because he'd just had sex with Beth about 12 times. The masseuse apparently wanted Howard to be on the table nude and roll over on his back but he refused. He thinks that she may have wanted to do something to him. He said Beth went to the same woman later on and the woman ended up rubbing her inner thighs and got too close to her private parts. Robin Q figures that she must have been bi-sexual.
Howard had to take a break and he announced that Gilbert Gottfried was coming up next. Artie was thrilled and surprised to hear that he was coming in. He said he loves Gilbert and he didn't know he was coming in.
Howard said Gary came in smoking a cigar first thing. He also had an amazingly low voice which also surprised Howard. He said since the Buddy Holly movie his voice seems to have undergone a drastic change. Gary said he can still get his voice up high and he proved it by singing a little Buddy Holly song for us. Howard didn't know that Gary sang all of the songs in the Buddy Holly movie either.
Howard questioned Gary about his religious beliefs and found out that Gary is now a ''Promise Keeper.'' According to Gary (Baba Booey) a promise keeper is like a white version of the Million Man March guys who have to teach other guys how to ''reconcile'' their lives. Busey tried to explain what he does to Howard but he got upset that Howard wasn't listening to him so he got up and walked over to Howard and stood next to him as he spoke to him. Howard said Gary was scaring him standing there and just wanted him to go back to the couch and sit down. After a short time Gary went back to his seat.
Howard continued the interview and asked Gary about whether or not he's getting laid these days. Gary said that he hasn't been with a woman for a while now and his womanizing days are over. When Howard asked him how long it's been since he got laid he pretended that he couldn't remember how long it had been. Howard tried to get him to give him an answer by offering him a prize but Gary said it was ''priceless information'' and wouldn't answer. Howard took a couple of phone calls and plugged the stuff Gary is appearing in as he wrapped up the interview. As Howard was ending the interview Busey ran over to Howard with his lit cigar and tried to burn his neck. Howard was screaming and Gary said ''I love Jewish screams...'' which was really bizarre.
During the following commercial break Gary did some odd stuff. Howard came back from break and described what happened. According to Howard Busey bear hugged Robin and lifted her off the ground a few times. Then he took her down and laid her on the floor and proceeded to dry hump her. The guys pulled him off of her and Gary then went after Howard. Howard wasn't going to be taken down so he ended up holding onto Gary's head in a head-lock. He wouldn't let go because he didn't know what the guy was going to do. Howard said Gary (Baba Booey) tried to pull Busey off of him but he couldn't because of the head-lock. They had video of the whole thing but there was no audio. Howard described it as they showed the tape. They all think the guy is a great guest but he'd nuts. Howard said his wrists got all cut up as Busey tried to escape his head-lock.
Ronnie the Security man came in and tried to defend himself but he just ended up getting really pissed off and he sounded more angry than any guest that's been in the studio recently. He said he's been told to stay out of the studio by KC. He said he thought Busey was just kidding around with Howard so he didn't feel it was necessary for him to do anything. From now on he's going to be in there though. Meanwhile, Fred just walked out of the studio and went to the bathroom during Gary's attack on Robin. He said he'd seen it happen so many times before that he didn't think anything of it at the time.
When Ed McMahon called in Howard tried to find out if he ever got off to a cartoon. Ed wouldn't talk about anything like that though. He just avoided the whole subject as best as he could.
Howard spent some time talking to Ed about his relationship with Johnny Carson. Howard thinks that Ed and Johnny never liked each other and doesn't believe that the two of them were ever friends. Ed said that he and Johnny just had lunch a few weeks ago and they're still friends to this day. Howard still doesn't seem to believe that though.
Howard tried to find out about Ed's sexual past but, once again, he refused to discuss anything of that nature. He just wanted to promote his new TV show ''Next Big Star'' which airs on the PAX cable network Sunday nights at 6pm.
Ed asked Howard what it was like in New York this week. Howard told Ed how everyone in the city seems to be down, depressed or angry over everything that has gone on. Howard and Ed then spent some time discussing what they think this country needs to do. Howard said we need to start bombing the crap out of someone and Ed seems to agree with him. Ed pointed out we don't know exactly who our enemies are but we do need to find out who they are and fight them.
Ed told Howard this new TV show of his is like an extension of ''Star Search'' but they hope to have more stars come out of this show. Howard wondered why Ed would even want to keep working. He seems to think that Ed has plenty of money and he doesn't need to work. Ed told Howard he does it because he likes to work. He compared his career to Howard's career and said that Howard will probably keep doing what he does for as long as he can. Howard said that might be true because he has to make up for all of the money he lost in his divorce. Howard then started asking Ed about what kind of house he lives in now. Ed said it's a nice house but it's not a mansion. Someone asked him if he has a Butler. Ed said he doesn't have one but he does have a live in housekeeper. After the discussion it can be said that he's got a nice house with a pool and a housekeeper. That's about all we learned from that. Howard wrapped up the conversation and got off the phone with Ed. After the call he said he still doesn't believe that Ed and Johnny are friendly with each other.
Robin wanted to know what type of phone Dennis was on because it sounded so odd. He said it was just a cheap K-Mart phone. Howard wondered why he'd use something like that because he's ''Dennis Rodman.'' He said he doesn't talk on the phone at home that much anyway.
Howard asked Dennis if he had any bitches there with him. There weren't any there but it led to a discussion about having chicks over and kicking them out after you ''tap that ass.'' Dennis said you don't hug and kiss the chick while watching movies, you just tap that ass and kick them out. Howard asked him how you can kick them out though. Dennis said you just tell them ''I'm done... whatever'' and they leave.
Howard spent a short time talking about the ''Celebrity Daredevils'' show that Dennis is on tonight. It also features Angie Everhart lighting herself on fire and Lorenzo Lamas jumping a motorcycle. Dennis said he's driving a car off a cliff. Howard figured they trained Dennis how to do this stunt but he claims that they haven't. He's jumping 350 feet off the cliff.
Howard discussed some of the legal problems Dennis has been having. Dennis said a woman is claiming that he took her home from a bar and raped her or something. Dennis said that he doesn't even know the woman who is making the claim. He said it's just a civil lawsuit so it doesn't even mean he'll be doing jail time.
Howard and Robin asked Dennis about this new girlfriend Dennis has. Howard asked if he's cheated on her yet. He didn't give a straight answer though. He said that he's got 2 kids with the woman already. Howard talked to Dennis about that for a little while and found out his kids names are Trinity and DJ (Dennis Jr.). Howard said he's surprised he didn't go with some African names.
Howard asked Dennis if he's going to go play for the Lakers. Dennis said he's just going to relax and deal with his restaurant and stuff. The place burned down but it's been rebuilt.
Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Dennis another plug for tonight's ''Celebrity Daredevils.''
Darrell said he got the job on the show after sending in a tape of his stand-up act where he did just one line as Bill Clinton. Lorne Michaels called him in to show off his talent and he did a bunch of Phil Donohue bits in different languages. He demonstrated that for Howard and it was really funny.
Darrell also told Howard how he got to hang out with the real President Clinton when Clinton invited him over to write a bit that the two of them could do together for the press. He said Clinton likes to invade your personal space and touch you a lot and he gets away with it. He shared a few of the behind-the-scenes stories he had about Clinton.
Darrell did some of his other impressions for Howard including Jay Leno, Regis Philbin, Jesse Jackson and Barney Fife.
Howard changed subjects and asked Darrell about how he figured out that he was abused as a young child. Darrell said he repressed the thoughts as he grew up but after he had his own child he started to remember stuff that ended up breaking him apart from his parents. He said he didn't want his baby to see someone telling his wife to shut up and he told his parents that and it all started to come out that he was abused. He's now in therapy 2 days a week to straighten himself out. He didn't want to say too much about the type of abuse he suffered as a child. He did say that he's in therapy for abuse that could be considered criminal. He also said that his parents told him that if he or his sister saw people in their rooms at night, they were ghosts. He said his sister would scream at night saying that there were ghosts in her room and to this day she still believes they were ghosts. Darrell knows better than that and has tried talking to his sister but she's sticking to her story. He said he's having a nice life now but he just doesn't have any family to share it with. Howard thought it was pretty sad but Darrell said it really wasn't because he has a beautiful baby and a great job.
Howard ended the segment after about a half hour and said that Darrell will be appearing at Carolines Comedy Club in New York today through Sunday. Visit Carolines.com for more info.
Howard spent a few minutes trying to interview Alec about what his life is like now but Alec kept joking about men like Matt Drudge and Richard Johnson hitting on him. He claimed that Matt had hit on him at the ABC studios one time and he turned him down. It was a very strange comment. Alec said that he has a different woman every night but he was probably kidding about that too. Alec said that he's got his daughter for the summer and he's spending a lot of time with her. He said that he's ''dating'' his daughter for the summer so he's not dating other women. Howard brought up some of the women Alec is rumored to have been dating like Jennifer Love Hewitt and a couple of others. Alec said that Jennifer, a 21 year old, wouldn't give him the time of day. Howard asked if 21 is too young for him. Alec said he'd date a 17 year old so 21 isn't too young.
Alec and Howard shared divorce stories and both of them say that they'd never get married again. Alec said he'd rather jump into a volcano or get put in a wood chipper than get married again.
Alec claims that he still talks to Kim Basinger but wouldn't say if she hates him or not. He said he misses her and she's a great person.
Howard asked Alec if he would fight Richard Johnson in a boxing match if he could put that together. Alec said he'd beat him to a pulp and he doesn't want to be libel for something like that. He said that the fight would be over in 60 seconds.
Howard asked Alec if he'd like to go on a double date with him and Beth. Alec asked Howard if his girlfriend has any friends he could hook him up with. Howard said that he's got to be getting hot chicks on his own so he doesn't need to be fixed up.
Gary came in and said the tabloids must really hate Alec because there are all kinds of stories about him yelling at women and stuff like that. Alec said these reporters can make something out of nothing and that's what they're doing.
Howard said he once saw Kim Basinger on an airplane and she had an amazing ass. He spent a short time telling that story and tried to get some more info about him banging Jennifer Love Hewitt but he just wanted to get off the phone. Howard was trying to get the info about Alec and Kim's divorce and asked him what it was that Kim didn't want to do that Alec did. Artie said something like ''... bang Jennifer Love Hewitt...'' and after that Alec rushed off the phone. Gary said he hung up quicker than M. Night Shyamalan did last week.
Howard had Mary talk a little bit about her porn career and some of the stuff she's done so far. She hasn't had anal because she's apparently holding out for her boyfriend.
Howard had 10 questions for her to answer. She could only miss 3 out of the 10 before getting her head flushed in the toilet. Howard said they're basic IQ questions they pulled from somewhere. Here are the questions and answers:
Howard read somewhere that Ben waxes his whole back so he asked him about that. Ben said he's never done that. He said he really doesn't have that much back hair so he'd never have to do that. He did, however, say that he had a full body wax one time for a movie he did. Howard asked him why he didn't just use Nair to take care of his hairy legs. Ben didn't know that much about it and his wife said she doesn't think that stuff works that well anyway. Howard said he was always afraid to use it because it's a chemical that just melts your hair away.
Howard spoke to Ben and Christine about the movie and how Christine got a part in it. Christine told Howard that she wasn't the first choice for the part so it wasn't like having her husband as the director guaranteed her a job. Ben told Howard they had other people in mind for her part but the producers just couldn't settle on one. Christine then ended up with the part.
Howard asked Ben if he and his wife are going to become Scientologists like so many other Hollywood actors have done. Christine said she sure wouldn't but Ben said he was kind of curious about it because they all seem so happy. Howard said he doesn't single out that wacky religion to goof on. He said that he feels sorry for anyone who gets duped by any religion. It just seems like he goofs on Scientology more than other religions.
Howard brought up the fact that Ben had canceled his appearance on the show shortly after the World Trade Center tragedy. Howard said Ben canceled his show but still kept his appearance on Letterman and a couple of others. Ben eventually thought better of it and re-booked himself on the show. Ben didn't think that it was the right time to promote the movie because of the tragedy. He told Howard none of that stuff matters now because he's on the show.
Howard asked Christine if she's ever done any nude scenes in a movie. She said she's very modest and she hasn't done any. She told Howard a story about how she was offered a part where she would have been nude but she turned it down. That led to her telling a story about how she got car jacked about 8 years ago. She said had just come home and was getting out of her car to lock it up. She had a friend with her and all of a sudden another car pulled up and a Hispanic guy got out with a gun in his hand. It was broad daylight and Christine said she just went numb and did everything the guy asked her to do. She had to remove her ''Club'' from the steering wheel and she had to give him her keys. She said it was very scary at the time. As she was telling the story Howard kept asking her questions about what she was wearing that day and how she looked. This all happened around the time she was offered the nude role so that's how it all came up. She then told Howard how she was offered the lead role in ''Night of the Demons 2'' but because it required her to get nude she turned it down. They later offered her the part she took where she just had to take her shirt off with a bra on. That's as close to nude as you'll find her in a movie at this point in her career.
Howard took a few phone calls for Ben and Christine. There was one guy who thought Ben was Ben Affleck and another caller asked Ben if he's ever tried anal with Christine. Ben said he's not into that and he's never tried it. Christine said she's not especially interested in that either. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. As he was doing that Artie Lange said that he and Ben did a movie together. Ben said he knew who Artie was but they were in the movie ''Mystery Men'' and it sounded like neither of them were very proud of that fact.
Howard moved on to talk to Alyson Hannigan for a couple of minutes about her character on ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' and whether or not she's a lesbian in real life. Alyson said she's straight and the other lesbian on the show is also straight in real life.
Howard then spoke to Natasha Lyonne for a few short minutes. He wasn't even sure if he'd seen her in the first ''American Pie.'' Natasha jokingly said she's not even sure if she's in either one. Natasha also claims that she was offered the part of Buffy in ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' when she was 16 years old but Alyson said that a lot of people claim the same thing. Natasha was also bitching and complaining about boyfriends she's had and how they ran off with other women. That was pretty interesting.
Earlier in the show Steve the Intern said he'd be willing to do anything to meet Tara Reid. Howard made him get his hand peed on by KC and he actually did it. Steve came in and read a really bizarre poem he'd written for Tara which sounded like it was a comedy bit instead of a serious poem. Howard got to watch KC pissing on Steve's hand because the E! guys actually got it on tape. They all laughed hysterically as they watched that on the monitor. Howard only spent about a half hour or so with the girls before wrapping up the interview.
Howard moved on to talk about how Gary and Stuttering John will be appearing on the new ''Hollywood Squares'' soon. Howard explained how they've tried to get him to appear on the show for years but he always demands to be paid. The show tells him that they don't pay their guests, they give to their favorite charity instead. Howard said since he doesn't do it, they go after other people on the show like Jackie the Joke Man. They recently contacted the show and tried to get Gary and Stuttering John to do it but Gary wasn't into it. After thinking about it a while they decided it might be funny to have them appear. Gary told Howard they'll be on for the ''Dynamic Duo'' week. They'll be on with people like Alec Baldwin, Dom Deluise and Paula Abdul. Gary told Howard they'll be shooting their week of shows this coming Saturday and the shows will air during the week of November 11th to the 15th.
The Rock said he had a remembrance of meeting the late Hank the Dwarf one time when he was doing an event at the Nassau Coliseum. He said he ran into ''The Hank'' accidentally and Hank told him to go f-himself. The Rock said he just laughed and shook The Hank's hand. Howard was goofing around with The Rock's name so everyone became The-(insert name here). Kendra Jade became The Kendra when she spoke to The Rock. Kendra Jade, who vomited on a guy earlier in the show for the chance to meet The Rock, showed him her tattoo that she has on her ass. She said she's a really big fan of his and that's why she got the tattoo.
Howard told The Rock that The Kendra was the stripper who set up Jerry Springer 4 years ago and ended up in a tabloid magazine. Kendra just wants to forget about that whole thing so she asked Howard not to bring it up anymore.
Howard spoke to The Rock about his movie and how popular he's become in the past few years. Then he brought in a guy Eddie who showed up to meet The Rock. He has the same tattoo that The Rock has on him but Howard didn't think it looked like anything. Apparently Eddie actually chose to be a fan of The Rock over his girlfriend. Howard was blown away by that fact and thought he might be gay or something. Eddie just wants to follow in The Rock's footsteps though. Howard kicked him out shortly after he came in.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about The Rock's life and how he grew up an angry guy. He used to get into a lot of fights as a young man. He also let Howard know that his father and uncle both worked for the McMahon family as wrestlers in the past. The Rock shared his first sexual experience with Howard also. He said he lost his virginity at the age of 14. He was in a park with an 18 year old girl but the cops ended up breaking up the fun. He and the girl had to finish up somewhere else.
Howard took a few quick phone calls for The Rock and plugged his web site TheRock.com before wrapping up the interview. He also let Kendra Jade tell The Rock that she ''wants his strudel.'' We also learned that Kendra has a band called The Stone Movement and you can find out more about them at StoneMovement.com
Howard moved on to talk to Jon Hein about some more Jump the Shark stuff. They talked about a couple of actors who have jumped the shark and also about some bands and when they jumped. Someone asked if there were any shows that never jumped the shark. Jon said that there are some that people say never jumped but most of them were only on for a short time. A few examples were:
Howard had his girlfriend in already so he had Robin's Mr. X come in and Artie's girlfriend Dana come in. He spent a few minutes talking to each of them. Mr. X was in a costume to disguise himself. Even Howard's not sure why that is though. He said it was like the mask from the movie ''Scream.''
Double A was also allowed in to stare at Beth. Howard was afraid that Double A would freak her out and scare her but Beth said it was fine if he sat in for the whole game.
After talking to everyone, Howard took a commercial break so they could send the women off to a sound proof booth. When they came back Vinnie Favale from CBS took over as host. He had three questions for the guys. He asked them the questions and then brought the women in to match up their answers. Here are the first three and their answers:
After that Howard took another break so they could send the guys off to the sound proof room while the girls answered their questions. When they came back Vinnie asked the girls their questions:
They replayed the tape of Beth's answer and she started to say ''Oil and vinegar'' but cut herself off saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' Gary said the audience was against him already and they were calling in to complain. Howard said that it's obvious that vinaigrette is the same as oil and vinegar. They continued to argue for another 5 minutes about the ridiculous question. Howard refused to accept that he was wrong. It was all over the definition of vinaigrette.
Howard offered to give the money to Artie and Dana but they refused to take the winnings also. Howard eventually blamed Vinnie for not getting a definitive answer from her.. but he really did because she made it clear it was ''vinaigrette on the side.''
Robin was actually crying in the middle of the game because it was so sad that they weren't getting any of the questions correct. They blew every one!
Howard continued to argue over the way the game was played. After hearing the playback of Beth's answer, he thought that she said ''oil and vinaigrette'' before saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' They asked Fred what he thought about the whole thing. Fred said that oil and vinegar and vinaigrette are completely different so Howard lost the game. They also continued to bother Vinnie about why he didn't get a clarification on exactly what her answer was supposed to be. When Howard finally wrapped it up, no one was taking the money. They were still arguing about it right up until 9:20 or so.
After the break Howard said that Robin should have kept quiet during the game because Dana changed one of her answers thanks to her. The question about the physical feature thing threw a wrench into the whole thing because Dana was going to say that Artie's weight was the one feature that he doesn't like. Robin told her to be more specific. If she hadn't done that she may not have said ''stomach'' and would have gotten that one wrong.
Howard took a call from a chef who told Howard that a vinaigrette's definition is ''oil and vinegar mix'' so it's the same thing. He was saying that it should mean that Howard won on that question. Howard figured that it was just the fact that no one could stand that he and Beth won the game. They continued to argue for a couple more minutes about it.
Howard said that his General Manager Tom Chiusano was asked by Mr. X if he should wear the mask or not. Good ol' Tom told Mr. X that he should wear a mask. Howard said he didn't understand why he'd do that because his audience would want to see Mr. X, not a guy in a mask. He said out of everyone he was pissed at Tom the most for telling Mr. X to wear that ridiculous mask. He said you couldn't hear what he was saying. Tom said that's part of Howard's ''schtick'' and he thought it would be funny.
Howard took a few phone calls after the arguments and then let Robin get to her news. Howard was still refusing to take the money from Artie for the game.
Gary said that Scott DePace from E! watched the tape and pointed out that it was Vinnie who helped out Dana with her answer about what part of Artie's body he wouldn't like. Howard also took a call from Jessica Hahn who told Robin that whenever Howard wins something, no one is happy for him or accepts the win. Howard was also still complaining about Tom Chiusano telling Mr. X to wear the mask he was wearing. Howard and Jessica continued to argue with everyone. Jessica kept saying that Howard won and everyone agreed with it but it was still a controversial win because of that one question.
Stuttering John claims that after the show yesterday Robin told him that Howard actually lost the game. Robin said they were just having fun in the green room and joking around.
Dominic Barbara called in at one point to get in on the conversation. Howard let him talk for a short time but changed the subject and told him to talk about his fall into the East River. Howard heard about this story a couple of weeks ago. Dominic told the story but it was lame. He quickly said that he was trying to step on his boat that was at a dock. He slipped and fell into the river. People then yelled ''Free Willy!'' according to some witnesses. Howard said Dominic told the story better the other night. He cut him off and hung up on him.
Howard continued his arguing with Fred for a while. He was also saying that he would have given Artie and Dana credit for a question like he got. He said the game was about how well the couples knew each other, not about exact answers.
Vinnie Favale, who hosted the game, called in to talk about the game for a little while. He said the vibe in the room was really negative toward the end of the game. Fred and Howard were still arguing too. Fred hasn't spoken this much in years. He and Howard went at it for a couple of minutes. Fred was also complaining about Vinnie's hosting and how no one seems to like him as the host. Vinnie told Fred he loves him and didn't seem to understand why Fred was going after him. Howard wrapped up the conversation and said that everyone hates him.
Howard brought up a bunch of things that he's read about Daryl in the tabloids but Daryl told him he's got to stop reading that stuff because it's just not true. He also tried to get her to talk about some of the relationships she's had but she told him that she doesn't like to talk about that stuff.
Howard wanted to know why Daryl lived in a teepee for a while. Daryl told him that she was refurbishing a house on her property and she had a teepee put up so she could stay there. She said it was actually a nice place to live for a while. Howard said he thinks that she's like a hippie-type from all of the things he's read about her. She said she's really not, she's just a normal person. She did admit that she's somewhat of a hermit but she's not a hippie.
Howard did get Daryl to call Oliver Stone a dickhead at one point. He brought up how she didn't get along with Stone when she was in the movie ''Wall Street'' and called him a dickhead. He then asked Daryl why she didn't get along with him and she jokingly said ''because he's a dickhead... just kidding.'' Then she said she just didn't get along with him. She then said that he was a very talented film maker though.
Howard continued to ask her questions about what she was wearing and stuff like that. As he was wrapping up the call and plugging the movie Daryl told him that her breasts look a little small in the film because she lost some fat because she was working out pretty hard for the part.
After the call Howard got back to the breast exams. He quickly checked Erin's B-cup breasts and said he couldn't find any lumps. He then checked Allison's C-cups and thought he'd found a lump at one point. He had her check it herself but it disappeared for some reason. The whole time Howard was feeling up Allison Fred was playing car horn honking sound effects so you could almost visualize what he was doing. Allison kept offering to check Howard for testicular cancer but he didn't want her to do that.
After wrapping up the segment with the girls Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Gilbert Gottfried about masturbation. He wanted to find out what Gilbert's ritual was for watching porno and whacking off. Gilbert just kept joking around and wouldn't tell Howard what he does. Howard ended up talking about his ritual and how he lays in bed with a box of tissues nearby so he can rub one out as he watched a porno in his bedroom.
Everyone said that she looks great for her age... whatever that number actually is. Howard said she looks better than her daughter Drew! She was wearing a belly chain and a belly shirt to show it off. Howard said she didn't have a gut and looked great. She said she's been working out lately so she's in great shape.
Howard questioned Jaid about how she reunited with her daughter after all of these years. It sounds like it was a combination of Drew's role in ''Driving in Cars With Boys'' and her husband Tom Green suggesting that they get back together. Jaid even got to go to Drew and Tom's wedding. Howard asked her if she had to ask Drew what she could wear to the wedding so she wouldn't embarrass her daughter. Jaid said the relationship isn't like that. She got to hang out with people like Adam Sandler, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and a few other celebrities at the wedding. Jaid told Howard she even got Drew's phone number. She told Howard about all of that stuff and then talked about her book. Howard told Jaid that if Drew doesn't like the book, then she shouldn't publish it. Jaid said that Drew has opened her purse strings and has been very nice to her lately. Howard said that she doesn't want to spoil that so if Drew doesn't like that book, she should forget the whole idea. Howard tried to find out how Drew sends money to Jaid but she didn't want to talk about that.
Howard and Artie Lange both complimented Jaid's looks. Artie said her face is really cute and it's better than Drew's. Jaid said it's really not but thanked them for the compliments. Howard said it looked like her breasts were bigger than ever too.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who said he wanted to go to the wedding with Jaid. Howard said Chaunce wouldn't be allowed in that wedding because he's not on Drew's ''approved friend list.'' Howard told him he's too wacky for Drew anyway. He must be friends with Jaid or something and that's why he hoped to go to the wedding.
Howard got back to Jaid and asked her if she'd write about the famous guys she's slept with in her life. She claims she slept with Jim Morrison of the Doors so that might be in the book. Howard also mentioned names like Jack Nicholson, Jackson Browne and James Taylor. Stuttering John said he tried to get Jaid himself but that didn't work out.
Howard gave Jaid a few plugs for movie's she's appearing in and gave out a number for her literary agent. She's looking for someone to publish her book so that's why she gave out the number.
Howard also spoke to Kathy about her relationship with Brooke Shields for a couple of minutes. This segment didn't last all that long since Kathy had quite a bit of air time during the previous segment.
Howard was wrapping things up when he said that he had clips from the Britney Spears ''Diary'' show from MTV. He played some of the clips and goofed on them with Kathy.
Howard wrapped up the interview with Kathy and ''Big Foot'' Matt who was still sitting in. Kathy has a bunch of upcoming appearances on HBO and on the ABC TV show ''Whose Line Is It Anyway'' with Drew Carey.
Howard said that Andy was out until 4am not drinking so he wondered how he has fun. Andy told Howard that he was at the premiere of Anthony Hopkins' new movie ''Red Dragon.'' Howard told Andy that he had Hopkins on the show yesterday and Andy seemed really surprised.
Stuttering John came in and said that he saw Andy last night at the premiere and he smelled alcohol on his breath. Andy swears that he doesn't drink though.
Howard read an article about Andy that claims he has been drinking and rubbing male friend's asses. Andy said that he does go to the club they mention in the article but he's never had alcohol there. He said he may have rubbed someone's buttocks but he doesn't go to gay clubs.
Howard said there was recently an article about Billy Joel drinking at some place. Howard defended Billy on the show yesterday and Billy thanked him for that. He also told Howard that he was drinking water at the place where they claimed he was drinking wine. Howard was pointing out how easily they can get stories wrong.
Howard asked Andy what he thought of ''Red Dragon'' last night. Andy said it was ''creepy'' and disturbing. Andy also brought up some TV show he was watching last night that featured some freaks with extra body parts and stuff like that. Howard said they should book all of them for his show.
Howard saw that Andy was scheduled to do Regis after his show. He used to do The View too but Andy says he'll never do that show again. They made him perform like a circus monkey the last time he was on. He told Howard the story about how they made him ride out on stage on a bicycle. He said that Star Jones mumbled under her breath that he looked retarded riding out on the bike. Howard told him he should have said that he was set up to look like a retard by the show.
Howard gave Andy a couple of plugs for his CD and for the new TV show, ''Less Than Perfect'', that he's in on ABC. Howard said the show has gotten bad reviews. Howard didn't want to read the whole review but told him that he's one of the highlights of the show. Andy told Howard he believes that this show can become a hit. He said it has to warm up a little bit though.
Howard plugged the new CD and Andy told him that it features the song he performed on the show called ''Little Brown Ring.''
Howard tried to find out what happened with his ex-girlfriend who he was trying to get back the last time he was on the show. Andy said he's got an agreement with her to not talk about the relationship. They've also agreed not to talk to each other anymore.
Howard played a cut from Andy's new CD called ''Love Ninja'' which was pretty weird. Howard said ''It's no 'Little Brown Ring'...''
Howard talked to Andy a little more about the new TV show and about what happened to his MTV show. Andy said the MTV thing just died.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Andy and introduced him to his girlfriend Beth. Andy also told a story about how big his penis is before Howard ended the interview.
Howard also spent some time talking to Hopkins about working with Jodi Foster and the new chick who took her place in the Hannibal Lechter based movies. He said he enjoyed working with both of them.
Howard wanted to know just how much of a fan Anthony was so he asked him if he was upset about Jackie leaving the show. Hopkins said ''Who's that?'' Howard asked him a couple of other questions about the show and he sort of knew some of them but didn't really seem to be that big of a fan. Hopkins told him he's a big fan of Howard's, not necessarily the other people who are on the show. He told Howard that he saw his movie and enjoyed that very much.
Howard eventually got to the plug for the movie ''Red Dragon.'' Howard said it's a prequel to the other Hannibal Lecter movies and it's a remake of ''Man Hunter.'' Howard also spent some time talking to him about the love scene he has with Nicole Kidman in another movie. Howard asked him a few questions about that and if he got wood during the scene. Hopkins said that he didn't get wood because it's just a job. He said he didn't get to feel her up during the scene. Howard seemed to find that odd and told Hopkins he got aroused when he did his sex scenes for his movie ''Private Parts.''
Hopkins is going to be in the next ''Superman'' movie so Howard and Robin tried to get some info about that. Hopkins said he hasn't seen the script yet but he'll be playing the part of Jorrell. Robin said she's heard some weird stuff about this next ''Superman.'' She said she heard that Jimmy Olson will be gay and some other odd stuff. Hopkins isn't sure about that since he hasn't seen the script yet.
Howard took a few phone calls and let fans talk to Hopkins for a short time before wrapping it up. Howard had to cut off one woman because she was boring him. Crazy Cabbie called in and thanked Hopkins for making a speech about sobriety a few years ago and was inspired by him to stay sober. Howard told Cabbie to tell him how he fell off the wagon a few times. Cabbie claimed only one fall but Howard said there was more than one fall. Another caller told Howard that the stuff Robin heard about the ''Superman'' movie are blown out of proportion and they're still working on the script.
Howard brought up Anthony's daughter who he's estranged from. Hopkins said that he thinks she's living in England right now but he's not sure. He said he doesn't hear from her much these days. Howard said he's going to try and reunite the two of them.
Hopkins told Howard that the premiere for ''Red Dragon'' is tonight and invited Howard. Howard said he may try to show up so they can walk the red carpet together. Howard said they could come out of the closet together at the premiere. Hopkins said that it sounds like fun.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Hopkins about dating and stuff like that and then wrapped up the call.
A short time later Howard talked about how strange it was that Hopkins didn't seem to know much about the show even though he claims to be a big fan. Gary thinks he might just be the occasional listener who isn't hard core like some of us are.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jason about the other ex-Seinfeld stars and whether or not he's happy that Michael Richards' show failed. Jason said he's not really happy about it but he would have felt worse if the other stars had gone on to do great things and he hadn't. After Michael Richards' show failed Jason said he wondered if he knows something that Richards didn't. His show might just fail like Michael's did.
Howard and Jason also spent a few minutes discussing the new ''Star Trek'' TV show ''Enterprise.'' Howard watched the new show and said he really liked it. He said he even liked Scott Bakula as the captain. Jason said he hasn't watched it yet but he does have it on his TiVo ready to watch. He has always been a big Star Trek fan and he's even gone to at least one convention.
Howard moved on to talk about Jason's visit to Ground Zero yesterday. Howard thinks that a lot of celebrities are doing that just for photo-ops But Jason said he just wanted to see what was going on down there. He ended up getting escorted around by a cop who recognized him. He ended up going to a firehouse to help cheer up some of the families of the fire fighters who are missing in the disaster. He didn't plan on doing that though, it just happened.
Jason told Howard a story about going to the Scores strip club a few years ago. He claimed that he never got a table dance. He said he just sat at the bar and had a Diet Coke or something like that. The next day in the paper they said that he'd been there for 4 days getting lots of table dances but none of that was true. Howard told him he has to go down there with them because Howard will show him how to do it right.
Mike Walker from the National Enquirer called in to play his game. Before they got to it though, Mike asked Jason a few questions and they got sidetracked. Jason ended up talking about how he's trained in a few martial arts forms and they've come in handy over the years. He told a story about when he was in college and 3 guys attacked him while he was walking home one night. They surrounded him and he took a stance to defend himself. All three guys then attacked him at once but he was able to throw a kick and a punch and managed to get out of the situation without getting hurt. Howard and the crew seemed impressed that he was able to do that. Mike Walker was also glad to get a story like that out of Jason... it'll probably end up in the Enquirer.
Mike finally got around to playing his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a few more minutes with Jason plugging his stuff before wrapping up the interview. Jason got a few plugs in for ''Bob Patterson'' and Howard mentioned that Jason will be in the new movie ''Shallow Hal'' which opens in theaters in the near future.