|Friday||This Week On E!|
|Please support MarksFriggin.com by using these preferred sites:|
(You name it...)
(Import car parts)
(First Time Video Girls)
Mac and Bumble
Howard started off the show talking about Sylvester Stallone since he was coming in later in the morning. He's going to be promoting a new TV show called ''The Contender.'' Howard said he got a screener copy of the show but it was on DVD and it didn't run in his DVD player. He and Artie spent a minute talking about the show. Howard said they should have people on Survivor beating the crap out of each other like they're going to be doing on ''The Contender.'' He also said that maybe they should be given guns.
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver and Gary were down at Scores in Miami for their grand opening. Howard said it sounds like the two of them had a lot of fun down there from what he heard on the tape he heard. Ronnie ran out of there early on Friday to get there. Gary went down after the show on Friday so he could make an appearance there. According to Howard, Gary went up on stage at Scores and apologized to the fans for not being on down there anymore. Howard said he shouldn't be apologizing, it's not their fault that they're not on down there. Gary admits that he's bad on stage because he really has nothing to say. Howard goofed on him for a short time doing an impression of him. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and talked about how crazy they got down there. Gary said that Ronnie is the crazy one. He has endless energy from what Gary said. Gary said he left at 2:45am and Ronnie was still up on stage asking people if they wanted to see someone's shirt come off. Ronnie said that they had a radio deejay there who got pretty crazy up in Ft. Lauderdale. Ronnie said he had some fun with her up in Ft. Lauderdale but she pretended not to have fun back then. Then she came to Miami and was taunting him so he ended up taking her and throwing her off stage. Ronnie said he popped her top off later on and she seemed to be having a great time.
Gary said that there was a girl who wasn't a dancer who ended up on stage in a thong. Ronnie was directing some of that stuff and having some fun. Ronnie said there were fights about pole dancing between the New York Scores girls and the Florida Scores girls. The New York girls think that pole dancing isn't cool so they don't do it. Ronnie said there was one girl who hopped on a pole and did her thing but smashed her head on stage when she slid down. She ended up getting right back on the pole though. Ronnie said the girls down there can dance completely naked as well.
Ralph called in and asked Ronnie if he's still married. Ronnie said he is and wondered why he had to bring something like that up. He said he had a nice weekend out with his friends and he didn't do anything bad. Ronnie said he ended up sitting around the pool with 30 girls and there's nothing wrong with that. Ronnie said he sent his wife and her friends to see Fiddler on the Roof over the weekend while he was down there in Florida. Howard spent a short time talking about Ronnie leaving for Florida early on Friday morning. He had to fly out of there by 10:05 in the morning so he wasn't around on Friday.
Howard played some audio clips from Gary and Ronnie's Scores appearance. Ronnie got on stage and got the crowd going by showing the guys the girls they brought down from New York for the grand opening. Howard suggested that Ronnie call his wife from the stage when he does that stuff. Ronnie said he had his ''Scores wife'' on stage with him instead. Ronnie introduced Gary and brought him up on stage. Gary said ''Baba Booey'' a couple of times and then apologized for the show not being on down there anymore. He said that people can pull in the show from other parts of Florida but it seemed like no one was paying attention to him. Howard told Gary that he should come up with some jokes or something instead of telling them where to get the show from. Howard goofed on Gary some more about that stuff and joked about how he could announce lottery numbers or something. Ronnie was helping out by yelling in the background as Gary was making his announcements.
A listener called in and said that Gary gained a lot of weight. Gary said that he quit smoking a month ago and gained 15 pounds since then. Robin said he went to a hypnotist and he was able to stop smoking. Ralph was throwing in his two cents about Gary's weight but Gary didn't want to hear it from him. Howard asked Gary how much he weighs now. Gary said he's about 195 pounds. He was down to about 180 not too long ago and now he's back up because he's not smoking. He said he'll try to take the weight off in the spring. Gary also talked about this hypnotist he went to. It wasn't a one on one thing though. He said he went to this hotel where a bunch of people were going to be hypnotized. He said there were a lot of smokers there and this hypnotist came out and spoke to everyone for a short time. Then he had everyone lay on the floor. It was carpeted but there wasn't anything covering it up. Gary said the guy started talking and fell in and out of sleep a couple of times. He figured he was there for 2-3 minutes but it turned out to be a half hour. Gary wasn't sure if he slept or if he was hypnotized. The guy then rapped to the crowd a little more and told them about the way they make the cigarettes. Then he tells everyone to take their cigarettes out of their pocket and yell goodbye to their cigarettes. They did that, crumpled them up and threw them away. Gary did that a month ago today and he hasn't smoked since then. He listens to a CD that this guy gave him and it helps keep him from smoking as well. When he listens to the tape he ends up falling asleep just like he did at the session at the hotel.
Howard talked about how Gary can sleep at any time. He said he once flew home from California with him and he slept most of the time he was there. Howard had upgraded him to first class so he could talk to him but he ended up sleeping instead. Artie said the same thing happened to him because Gary brought some Ambien with him so he could sleep. Gary said that was the best sleep he ever had because he was out before they took off and didn't wake up until he heard the pilot announce that they were landing. Gary said that he has transferred this guy's CD to his iPod so he used it to fall asleep on the flight down to Florida. Howard let Ralph go and went to commercial break a short time after that discussion.
Howard said he had a lot of things to talk about with Sylvester. He wanted to talk about the many women he's been with over the years. Howard said that he now sees how crazy Brigitte Nielson can be now that she's on VH-1. Sylvester said that his wife TiVos the show that Brigitte is on and watches it frame by frame. Howard said that Brigitte was gorgeous when Stallone had her and he had no idea how wild she was back then. Howard said that Sylvester's mother told him not to marry Brigitte but he didn't listen. Stallone said that she must have known and she knows best.
Howard and Sylvester talked about Angie Everhart because the two of them both dated her. Angie claims that Howard was the best lover she'd ever had. Stallone told Howard that she must be a compulsive liar or something but then said he was just joking around. Howard and Sylvester talked about some of the things that have gone on between Sylvester and his wife Jennifer Flavin. Sylvester told Howard that it's always dangerous to break up with a woman and he always hides the sharp objects in the house before he does it. He said that guys who have heart can't just break up with a woman without feeling bad. He once faxed his wife a break up letter but ended up going back to her and had to grovel to get her back. Stallone said that she'd gotten engaged to a billionaire so it was tough for him to win her back.
Sylvester told Howard that he doesn't live down in Florida now because there are so many temptations down there. He said that there should be a sign as you enter the state saying that if you're married you should turn back now. He claims that he doesn't have the itch to go after other women anymore. He said that Jennifer is busy with the kids and her skin care line Serious Skin Care. Their kids are 8, 5 and 2 and Sylvester said that it's kind of embarrassing that they're that old. Howard asked Sylvester if it's true that he got Pam Anderson at one time. Stallone said that wasn't true and he never got her. He knew her through Scott Baio but that was it. Howard wondered why Arnold Schwarzenegger is worth more money than Sylvester is because Sylvester wrote his own movies. Sylvester said that Arnold stuck with the same woman and never got divorced, that's why he's got all of his money. Howard read that Sylvester was with Naomi Campbell as well but he denies that. He admitted he was with Janice Dickinson but that was about it out of the list of names that Howard was reading. He denied most of the names and said that he wasn't with Lisa Gastineau even though she likes to brag that she did.
Howard asked Stallone about ''The Contender'' and had him describe what that was all about. Stallone said that he was working on Rocky 6 at the time he was asked to do the reality show. Stallone says that he was asked to do it because it adds more to it than it would if they just had a boxer like George Foreman hosting it. Howard wanted to understand what the show was about though. He heard that they break 16 guys up into 2 teams and they battle each other every week. Stallone said that each team picks a team member to fight the other team each week. Sylvester said they bring him out once in a while to give the guys some advice. Howard gave Sylvester some advice and gave him a catch phrase that would go something like ''I slept with Angie Everhart...''
Sylvester told Howard about this daily life and how he spends quite a bit of time with his kids before they go to school each morning. He talked about that a little bit and also talked about his brother Frank a little bit. Howard asked him about Sharon Stone and if she was a big pain in the ass. Stallone said she really wasn't a pain in the ass. Howard asked Sylvester if he thinks he should have won an Academy Award for his performance in ''Private Parts.'' Stallone said ''You don't really believe that, do you?'' Howard told him how he would end up getting aroused whenever he did a scene with an actress in his movie.
Howard talked a bit about Sylvester's mother Jackie who used to be on the show quite a bit. Sylvester had to ban her from being on the show because things eventually got out of hand. Howard moved on to talk about how Sylvester wrote ''Rambo'' and how great that movie was. Robin didn't think that he'd actually written it. Stallone thought that the movie was bad after they finished it up and wanted to buy it back from the studio. It was originally 3 hours long so they had to cut it down. Sylvester said there were a lot of bad, goofy lines in the movie that they ended up cutting out. They took it from 3 hours down to 90 minutes and just cut out all of his dialog.
Howard read some stuff about Sylvester's family life and how bad it was when he was a young kid. He's come a long way since then and he's gotten over all of the adversity. Sylvester talked about how they wanted to put someone else in ''Rocky'' instead of using him. He said they wanted to get someone like Ryan O'Neal to play the part instead of him. He had to pressure the movie studio to put him in the movie. They demanded that he shoot the movie in 30 days and he was able to do it in 28. Stallone doesn't know why he can't do that with every movie. They end up taking more time to do makeup and stuff like that so it takes away the edge. Howard asked Sylvester about the guy on The Contender who killed himself and if that's going to effect the show. Sylvester said it could effect it in a positive way. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that Sylvester had to go. Howard gave Sylvester a few plugs for the new TV Show, the new Stallone High Protein Pudding and his new magazine ''Sly'' before he left. Howard also got in a quick phone call for him. The caller said that it was the most interesting interview he's done. Stallone said that it was a very flowing interview and it was fun. He let him go a short time later.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he has a new job co-hosting the King of All Blacks show on KingOfAllBlacks.com. King has his own internet show but Howard told him that they should wait until they go to Sirius before doing that because they're going to ruin it if they do it wrong on the web and no one wants to listen once they move to satellite. Jeff said that he won't go if that's what Howard thinks. Howard said that he wants to give people like Jeff his own 1/2 hour show to just do dopey things like taking a hit of weed and coughing for 10 minutes straight. Jeff lit up his bong and demonstrated what his radio show would be like. Howard said he could listen to that stuff all day long. Jeff took the hit and started coughing like crazy as he's done a couple of times in the past. Howard said that could be great radio. Jeff said that he's not going to follow through with this King of All Blacks thing even though he'd just announced it. Howard told him that's like Stallone and ''Rambo'' because he had to cut it down from 3 hours to 90 minutes to make it the masterpiece it was. Jeff got off the phone a short time later.
Zolar called in and talked to Howard about how he spent 2 hours in Bed with Taylor Rain the other day when she was on the show. Zolar said it was a restaurant called ''Bed'' and he got to eat with her in a bed at the place. He said that she called him and asked him to go out with him that day. Zolar said that he wants to do a show on Sirius with Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' called ''From A to Z'' and said he'd send in a tape for Howard to listen to. Howard let him go right after that.
Howard talked about the Kathie Lee Gifford chat room that he was spending time in all weekend. He wants to just link to the chat room and take her's over instead of having one on his site. Robin said that Kathie Lee might have a problem with them taking over her chat room and she may shut it down if they keep it up. Howard said the interface is great and it's perfect for his fans. He wants to link to it from his web site instead of having his own chat room. Howard was posing as Jackie the Joke Man while he was on but Benjy said there were a bunch of people on there posing as Howard. Howard said he was only on Sunday and he was only logged on as Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said he's going to try and get on tonight at around 7 for those of you who want to chat with him. Robin reminded Howard about the days years ago when he was really into chatting online and how guys would pretend to be girls and stuff like that.
Howard said he was reading about how excited Joel Hollander is about what they're going to do with his time slot when he leaves. Howard said that whoever takes that job is going to get screwed over because of the FCC stuff. They're going to be hitting the delay and chopping up that person's show if they try to be edgy in any way. Howard said the radio industry is so scared of satellite that they're pushing for the FCC to start regulating satellite and cable. He didn't want to bore the audience with all of that stuff so he decided to get off the subject.
Mike Gange came in and told Howard that Ronnie the Limo Driver was at the hotel yelling and ringing the alarm bell as he was screaming at people. Ronnie said he was just having some fun down there and that's the way he did it. Howard goofed on Gary about his apologies to the crowd because they're not on in Miami anymore. Artie told him he could have gone up there and said ''Hey Miami, I'm sorry the Dolphin's suck.'' instead of what he was doing. He also referred to Sirius radio as ''Eh, eh, eh'' like they do on the radio show. Howard told him he doesn't need to do that at the club because they're not at work. Howard said the people there probably didn't have any clue about what he was talking about.
Doug Goodstein called in and said that Ronnie was really drunk down there and he couldn't believe that he said he wasn't as drunk as he was down in Ft. Lauderdale. He said that Ronnie was kind of violent when he was drunk because he was smashing shot glasses on stage. Mike Gange said one of Ronnie's announcements was ''Isn't this the best looking black girl you've ever seen?'' Ronnie said that she was a really good looking black chick. He also said that they're going to be doing another grand opening in Baltimore in June. Howard was in the Kathie Lee chat room while these guys were having fun down in Miami. He had to take another break after that.
Rick said another reason he left was because one of the writers left to create ''Deadwood'' and that guy was his voice on the show. He said that guy would write his parts and he lost that when the guy left. Howard went on to talk about Rick's religious beliefs. Rick is Mormon and ended up hooking up with his wife at the age of 20. He said he got laid for the first time at 15 and a half. He had a few good years before getting his wife. Rick said he got to see Erin Gray doing Yoga on the set of ''Silver Spoons'' but he never got to bang her. He was going through puberty at the time and said that he begged to get her.
Gary came in and had Howard guess how long Rick dated his wife before they got married. Robin and Howard guessed and eventually got it at 7 months. Rick said that he knew that she was the right one for him when he met her. Howard wondered if his wife got upset when he was doing scenes with hot chicks on ''NYPD Blue.'' Rick said that wasn't true and he never even got that excited when he was on the set. Howard told him that he was constantly excited on the set of his movie whenever he had a scene with a woman. Robin was there the day they shot the bathtub scene when Howard had to cover up his arousal when he got out of the tub.
Rick said that he wrote and directed his own movie that's coming out this Friday. The movie is about boxing and it's called ''Black Cloud.'' Howard wondered if there's any sex scenes in the movie. Rick said there is a love story but no sex scenes in the movie. Rick said he was able to fund the movie with some of his own money and with some Indian tribe support. There is no studio backing on this movie. You can find out more about it at BlackCloudTheMovie.com. Rick said that he is pretty much set for life from ''Silver Spoons'' because his parents put away his money and he had good deal when he was on the show. He said he invested in some real estate. He owns John Wayne's old ranch out in Colorado and only paid about $3 million for it. Now he says it's probably worth more than $20 million. Rick said he's got about 15,000 acres out there and he does go hunting out there. He said he likes to go bow hunting and goes after Elk and stuff like that. Robin asked him if he's ever wounded an animal while hunting instead of killing it. Rick said he did that one time and tried to find the deer for 2 full days but wasn't able to find the wounded animal.
Howard said he watched an Animal Planet show about a lion that was separated from it's tribe. The lion was starving but decided to save a baby calf instead of eating it as prey. Howard said the show was unbelievable and you wait for the happy ending. The lion laid down for a short time and lost track of the calf just long enough for another lion to kill it and eat it. Howard said he was all depressed after watching that show so he turned on ''Joan of Arcadia'' to cheer himself up. That got the discussion back to Rick and his Mormon beliefs. Rick told Howard that he prays to God just about every night so the guys were talking about the Mormon religion and how that whole thing came about. Gary came in and shared some stories that he's heard about the religion. Howard heard that you get your own planet when you die or something like that. Rick didn't know anything about that. He said he doesn't drink because of the religion. He said that his wife got him into the religion and he's only been in it for 4 years now. Howard and Robin were asking him if he has to think about his wife when he pleasures himself and stuff like that. Rick said that would probably be preferred. Howard told him about how wacky his General Manager Tom Chiusano is with that religion stuff because he gave up pleasuring himself because he wanted to thank God or something.
A listener called in and told Howard about running into Rick out in New Mexico at a hotel while he was shooting his movie out there. He said that he was really accessible and a nice guy. Howard interrupted the conversation and said he read about soda and other carbonated drinks causing esophageal cancer. Artie said he's doomed if that's the case because he drinks a bunch of Cokes every day.
Gary came in and told Howard about one of the Mormon beliefs about some magic underwear that they wear. Rick said they're called Temple Garments. He was wearing the underwear today so Howard asked to see them. Howard asked him what he does if he gets skid marks on his magic underwear. Rick said that you wash them every day just like you'd do with regular underwear. The underwear actually has some religious symbols on it and that's how you tell the difference. Howard asked Rick if there's any magic thongs or bras. Howard said he wants to look into that stuff because he'd like to have magical garments. Rick said he wears them to remember the covenants he swore to. Rick didn't want to talk about the magic underwear because the stuff is pretty sacred. Gary asked him if he had to say things in ''NYPD Blue'' that he didn't want to. Rick said that he would do it because he was playing the part of a character and he was putting food on the table for his family. Howard said he'd like to get the magic underwear but he's not going to give up drinking and he's not going to give up cursing. He wrapped up the interview a short time later. He gave Rick a plug for his movie and asked him a little more about the ranch he has out in Colorado. Howard said he'd like to get into that whole ranch thing if he could ever get off radio. Rick said they're opening the movie in 40 theaters this Friday and they hope to go wide after that. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. During the news Howard took a call from the guy who was on the plane with Gary when he was flying down to Florida. The guy wanted to know why Gary called security on him. Gary said it wasn't him, it was a guy sitting in front of them. The guy said he was a little drunk that day and he doesn't even remember what security did to him. The guy had some ideas he was trying to share with Gary but Gary thought they were a little too dirty. The guy wants to get a girl to come in, sit in a kid's pool while they baste her. Then they put bread crumbs on her and have a chicken eat the bread crumbs off her. Gary said the guy was a little more graphic than that when he told him the idea. He said he wanted to put the bread crumbs in the woman's private parts. Howard didn't seem interested and let the guy go a short time later. He went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said he and Gary were talking about how they always heard that Sylvester Stallone was a short guy but he was about 5'10'' tall when he came in the studio. Fred seems to think that Sly had 3 inch lifts in his shoes or something when he came in. Howard said he would have asked him if he was still there.
Captain Janks said that he was on the Kathie Lee Gifford chat room and posted something there about a prank call he made. He said that the Kathie Lee fans are all saying not to pay any attention to the Howard Stern fans who are there. Janks wants to just have everyone come over there and take over with him for a while. Howard said he's going to consider that as an extension of his web site. Vinnie Favale called in and said that he couldn't get on the web site and it now says that it's under construction. Gary came in and told him he was spelling it wrong and it was actually spelled ''KathieLeeGifford.com.'' Vinnie got in after that and said that they should hire her to run Howard's chat room.
Howard and Vinnie were also talking about the Parent Television Council's web site, ParentsTV.org, because they post clips from TV shows and radio shows to show people what they're trying to get stopped. Gary said that he went on there, watched some South Park clips and actually got interested in the show and now he'll probably start watching it. They don't even have any blocks on the site to stop people under the age of 18 from going in there to view the stuff they have there. Janks and Vinnie invited everyone to go to the Kathie Lee site to chat with other Stern fans. Howard let them go and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about Cabbie getting suspended from the station already. He just got back from rehab recently and he's already been suspended. Howard said he wasn't suspended for cursing, drugs, drinking or showing up late, he played some of his favorite music without permission. Howard talked about Cabbie's odd behavior and how they had a baby sitter for Cabbie while he was on the air. Deejay Demos came in and told Howard how he thought that it was going to be a great job working with Cabbie but it wasn't the dream job he thought it was going to be. He said Cabbie was always having fun with him on the air but then he would snap at him off the air. Demos said he would remind Cabbie about his CD running out and Cabbie would tell him it was his show and to leave him alone. Meanwhile, the CD would run out and there would be dead air. Demos also said that Cabbie got in trouble for playing a Queens of the Stone Age song that's not due out for 2 more months. Cabbie was claiming he had permission from Dave Grohl to play the song but Demos didn't think that was true. Howard wondered why Cabbie has these compulsions to do stuff that he's not supposed to. Demos doesn't know because the rest of the staff would never do something like that for fear of being fired. Howard and Robin know that it's the ''Crazy'' part of Cabbie coming out and doing that stuff. Demos seems to think that Cabbie is even crazier now than he was before. Demos said he's not sure how long the suspension is for Cabbie but he was asked to come in to do overnights for Cabbie last night.
Demos thought that he was going to be working the board for Cabbie but he ended up just keeping an eye on him while he was doing his job. Howard wondered what he was supposed to do while he was keeping an eye on him. Demos said he was asked to make sure he didn't fall asleep or anything like that. He also thinks that he's about the same size as Cabbie so maybe they think he could take care of himself if Cabbie got out of hand. Howard figured that maybe they had Demos there so they could use him as a scapegoat and fire him if Cabbie did something wrong. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that they wouldn't fire Demos for something like that and that Cabbie's suspension was a full week. Robin said that's one of the more tame things that Cabbie has done on the station and maybe it was a bit extreme. Gary asked how many times Cabbie has been suspended. Tom didn't know so Gary asked him just how many chances a person gets there at the station. Demos said he was fired from the place about a year ago when he mislabeled a commercial one time. Tom didn't remember that but Demos said he was hired back by the new Program Director Rob Cross.
Tom told Howard that he just can't let Cabbie go because he's a sick man and he doesn't want to just fire him. Howard said that they just keep giving Cabbie control of his show and it's just a matter of time before he goes crazy. Howard told Tom that he's going to have to start coming in to keep an eye on Cabbie himself. Then he'll have to sit there and watch Howard and stay until 6pm every night to make sure everything else goes right. Demos told Howard and the guys that Cabbie would scratch his ass on the air and then work the board and touch the microphone. Tom said that they're going to have Cabbie come in and explain to them why they shouldn't fire him because it's still a possibility. He was only on the air for four days after getting back from rehab before he was suspended.
Howard seems to think that Tom is going to quit after he leaves the station at the end of the year. He can't imagine that Tom would want to deal with stuff like that once he leaves. Tom said his son is getting married so he has a lot of expenses and he won't be leaving. Tom talked about the wedding for a short time before Demos got back to some of the wacky stuff Cabbie would do on the air. He said that Cabbie would show him pictures of his girlfriend's naked ass or his dog dry humping his leg and stuff like that. Gary came in and said he once saw a picture on Cabbie's phone of his girlfriend performing an act on him. He also heard that his cell phone was filled with pictures of gay porn. Gary asked Tom if Cabbie had an explanation for what he did. Tom said that Cabbie was told to show them what he could do with his show and that was the route he chose to take. The guys talked about some of the things Cabbie has done in the past where he played music that he wasn't supposed to and his disrespect for his bosses. Demos said that he would listen to each song he was going to play to make sure there were no curses in them. That was one thing he did right. Demos also said he used to think Cabbie was all a big act but now he sees that it's not.
A listener called in and told Howard that Cabbie needs an AA in his life every day to keep him on track. Tom and Howard said that Cabbie does have something like that in his life and Tom is pretty sure he's keeping up with it. Howard said the only place that could keep him straight is a place like jail. Cabbie actually still has that hanging over his head because he hasn't been sentenced in his tax evasion case. Howard told Tom that maybe they should put him in a straight jacket or something like that. They had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard said he was mentioned on The 700 Club. He played the audio from the show where a woman was reading about a man who didn't want to fall back into watching porn after being ''delivered.'' The woman said that the guy was watching the ''filth'' on prime time TV including Howard and wrestling. Howard said that this guy Pat Robertson from The 700 Club is awful. He said that anyone who watches Howard Stern is just asking to be drawn back into porn. The guy was talking about how seductive the devil can be and rambling on and on about what Jesus wants everyone to do. Howard said that guy is a real creep and you forget about them once in a while. Some people would make the case that those people are the devil. Howard reminded everyone that they can see all of his filth on E! tonight at 11.
Howard read that Mike Myers was introduced by a recorded voice at the Academy Awards and they're saying that he can't take a joke so he demands that they use a canned recording. Sean Penn also got a canned introduction. Howard thought that Gary had given him tape of some examples of people being introduced by live hosts and some canned. Gary thought that J.D. Had gotten him just what he'd asked for but he was wrong. Howard told him to listen to the stuff before he brings it in.
Yesterday Howard had gone off on Gary for not getting him the wooden toothpicks he asked for. Gary thought that they didn't make wooden ones anymore so Howard goofed on him about that for a while yesterday and again this morning. Gary asked Howard what his problem is, he had sent someone down to get them from a drug store and they didn't have any. Howard said that they should have gone to a grocery store. Gary said he only knows what he's told. Howard claims that Gary told him that it had something to do with the woods and trees being protected or something. Gary said that conversation never happened and Howard was a liar. Gary ended up yelling at Sal because he was running behind him doing a monkey thing as this was going on. Gary admitted that he did say that there were no more wooden toothpicks and he admitted he was wrong about it. Howard wouldn't stop goofing on him though.
Howard got back to the Mike Myers thing and played his intro from the Academy Awards. He played the clip and took a phone call from a guy who said that the Sylvester Stallone interview was great yesterday. Howard said that ''The Contender'' is a great show and that it's probably the best new show on TV. He didn't want to get sucked into the show but that's what happened. He said that they cut the boxing like it was a movie so you don't get stuck watching the full 5 rounds. He said the stories being told are good and you end up caring about who wins or loses the match. Howard said he's going to have to tape the show so he can catch it each week. He told the guys about how the show works and how there are two teams that fight each other. Howard said that they have Sugar Ray Leonard and Sylvester Stallone watching the boxing matches and it's like watching a Rocky movie or something. It's really well done according to Howard. He claims that a couple of the guys from E! wanted to do a boxing show with his production company but they never got around to doing it. Mark Burnett can make it work well with his formula. He congratulated Burnett for putting together such a great show.
The caller Howard had on the line honked his horn and yelled at someone who was trying to take his parking space. The guys said that he's fed up with the truck driving and he's got to get out of doing that. Howard offered to let him play a Gary the Retard game after he took another commercial break.
Howard read some e-mail about yesterday's Sylvester Stallone interview. Some people thought it was good but there were some complaints about Howard bringing up the fact that he slept with Angie Everhart who also dated Stallone. Howard read through a few other e-mails about the interview. One woman wrote in and said that Stallone is a short guy and he's not 5'10'' like Howard said he was. Another guy said he's stood next to stallone and he's got to be shorter than 5'7'' tall. Howard read some complaints about the Kathie Lee Gifford chat room and how they were blocked from getting on yesterday. There were some people who loved yesterday's Rick Schroder interview and how funny it was when they were talking about his ''magic underwear'' (temple garments). Howard said they got a picture of those magical underwear in the e-mail yesterday and they're pretty wild. Someone wrote in and said that the magic underwear is pretty wild and he'd call in and tell them about it if they want. Howard is still interested in getting some magic underwear of his own. He seemed to think that was a pretty cool thing when he was talking to Rick about it yesterday
Howard quickly mentioned that they have Crystal Klein on his E! show tonight. Robin told Howard that she was looking at some of the stuff on Kathie Lee's web site reading some of her previous chats and they're really hard to take.
Howard interrupted Robin and got to the Gary the Retard game. Howard plays some clips of Sal the stockbroker asking Gary the Retard some questions. Gary had to answer what he could remember about the statement Sal would make. Here's what he asked:
Howard played a gay porn clip they created using a gay porn movie and Don Imus' voice. The delay was hit during that bit. Howard quickly played a clip from Wheel of Fortune where Pat Sajak mentioned his name. That led to Howard talking about how Pat refused to talk to him when he appeared on the show one time. Howard also mentioned the time that Jay Leno walked off his own show when he brought a couple of lesbians on The Tonight Show with him.
Bong Hit Eric called in and told Howard how funny the Imus thing was. He said it was really funny and he wasn't even high yet. Howard played the prank call he played earlier in the show of Sal calling a pizza place and using clips of Richard Simmons asking for sausage. Bong Hit Eric took a hit off his bong after that bit. Eric told Howard that he invested in a movie that's premiering down in Austin, Texas. He didn't want to give out too much information about the movie for some reason. He eventually said that the movie is called ''Press On'' and it's about this guy Robert Randolph who has toured with Clapton. Fred thought that was a pretty obscure guy to be making a movie about. Eric ended up asking Fred about glaucoma because he thinks he might have it and wondered if it's that serious. Fred thought it was pretty serious but Eric seemed more interested in the fact that he'd be able to get legal weed if he does have it. He said that way, he could do a half hour show on Sirius and smoke weed in the studio legally.
A listener told Howard that ''The Contender'' is supposed to move to it's regular time slot which is going to be Sunday's at 8pm. Howard said that's a good time slot because there's usually nothing to watch. Robin said it was a good time slot for her as well since there's nothing on that night for her to watch.
Howard said that he's changed his tune on Bush and Cheney since he now sees how much trouble he can get in by bad mouthing them. He wants them to stop with the FCC thing and how they're pushing to get the FCC to regulate satellite radio. Howard went on to talk about how Dick Cheney used to deal with countries that are enemies of this country when he was working with Haliburton but they're going after this guy Bobby Fisher who had some dealings with some enemies of the country. Howard also read a story about a tequila drinking contest that ended up killing a couple of people and putting others in the hospital. The contest was to win 10,000 pesos which is only $330 U.S. The guy who died drank about 50 shots of tequila.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to hear the High Pitch Eric prank call to a hypnotist. Eric called as a fat woman who was looking to lose some weight. He ate the whole time he was talking to the doctor. He ended up asking the doctor if he could eat his hot dog instead of paying for his services. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard brought in wrestling chicks Annie Social (AnnieSocial.com) and Shane Hardcore (CheerleaderSpa.com) who wanted to wrestle Benjy. Howard talked to the girls a little bit but he wasn't sure he wanted to let them wrestle Benjy or not. The girls work for the Women's Extreme Wrestling and end up getting their clothes ripped off when they wrestle. Annie and Shane said that they have wrestled each other. The girls said that they are the tag team champions of the WEW. Howard had trouble getting the WEW thing straight. He thought they were part of the WWE but that's not the case. The girls said that they do have a script they're supposed to follow when they wrestle so they do know who's going to come out on top in the end. The girls used to be strippers and they still dance at Cheerleaders in Philadelphia.
Howard asked the girls if they really wanted to wrestle Benjy. They said they did but they would be double teaming him. Benjy said that if he wins, all of the guys at the station get to come in and feel them up. The girls apparently had a funny look on their faces when they heard that. One of the girls got mad at Richie from E! for some reason. Howard told the girls that he'd also give the girls $500 in prize money if they won. One of the girls said that she really wanted breast implants. Gary told her that the $500 was a good start. Howard said that they would have three 30 second rounds. If Benjy pins one of them, they lose and the guys from the station get to come in and feel them up. The girls didn't sound all that interested in doing that. One of the girls said she wanted Robin to feel her up instead of the guys. Robin had no desire to do that though.
Gary said that one of the girls was going to just get thrown down to the floor within seconds. She said she weighs 128 pounds and Benjy said he weighs about 3 times that. Howard decided to let the match go on so Benjy went over to the girls, dressed in only a jock strap. He was showing his cellulite ridden ass and the girls said they had no idea that's how they had to wrestle him. They started the round a short time later. Benjy pinned one of them within a few seconds. Annie said that Benjy jumped on her boobs immediately and hurt her. She was holding her breast and said that she hoped that he didn't pop one of her implants. Annie ended up going back on her agreement and said that she wasn't going to let the guys feel her up. She eventually agreed to do it again but she wasn't going to let the guys feel her up. She really didn't think she was going to lose so that's why she made the bet. She didn't want to pay up on her lost bet. Shane was ready to go through with her bet but Annie was confused about what to do. Howard told her that if she wanted to be known as a reneger, she can avoid the feeling up. She agreed to let them do it but Howard felt weird about the whole thing and decided not to do it. Gary said that if Howard was a bookie and she backed out on a bet like that, her legs would be broken already. Howard decided to throw the chicks out of there because Annie was bumming them out so much. Shane was still willing to do it but Howard and Gary thought that the whole mood of the room was brought down.
Gary thought that the girls may have forgotten that they weren't being scripted this morning. The girls said that they were kind of thrown by the way Benjy's ass was out and how he was so rough with them. Gary told the girls that Benjy could have picked them up over his head and thrown them down if he wanted. Benjy asked Annie if she wanted to do it again. Howard didn't want her to do it again and told her he was letting her off the hook. Mike Gange asked if she would just show her breasts instead. She whipped them out a short time later and showed the guys. Shane showed off her breasts as well even though she wants implants. Howard and Artie thought they were fine the way they were though. Howard asked to see her ass but Benjy turned around and showed his ass instead. Annie was just about in tears according to Gary. She said she was very nervous at that point. Howard told the girls to go back to stripping because wrestling didn't seem to be their thing. He gave them $500 each courtesy of the movie ''Hostage.'' That didn't help because Annie was still crying and covering up her face. Howard went to break a short time later. The girls had mentioned the web site FiuFiu.com at one point during the segment. They said they get some of their clothing from the site.
Howard said that Annie Social was saying she was really embarrassed about what happened earlier and she should have just gone ahead with the whole feeling up thing. Howard got back to David and said he read that he was kissing Teri Hatcher while they were out one night. David said that she was supposed to come out to do Saturday Night Live with him but she got pneumonia. David said that he's probably not going to be doing the ''Buh bye'' bit on SNL. Howard liked that bit but Spade said they only did it twice and that was enough. David has been doing a bunch of Capital One commercials and he just shot a couple more the other day. Spade said that he didn't know how many times they were going to run those commercials. If he did know, he probably would have made a different deal and would have taken residuals for them.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in with ratings for The Contender. He said that the show was beaten by ABC's ''Super Nanny'' and CBS beat it with a new ''CSI Miami.'' Gary said it was even beat by the local FOX news. Gary read the ratings and the show was pretty much crushed by CBS. Vinnie said he started to watch the show but got bored with it. The guys thought he was just saying that because he works for CBS and the show aired on NBC. Gary said the FOX news got a bigger rating at 10pm than The Contender did. Howard said it's no wonder Stallone came in there yesterday to promote the show. They must have known it wouldn't do well in the ratings. Vinnie gave a little dig to Spade saying that his show is running on fumes. Gary asked Vinnie to name just one show on CBS that sucks but Vinnie refused to do it. He said there are no shows on CBS that suck. He said that he does love the show ''House'' that airs on FOX though. Howard told Spade that Vinnie knocks every guest that's on another network when he calls in.
Howard had David get back to Teri Hatcher. He wondered if David would date her. David said that she's a great chick but he wouldn't say if he kissed her or not. Spade said that he's been friends with her for a long time and it was good to see her at this party they were hanging out at. He said that chicks want you to not care that much about them. He said he used to be a big puss who would blab his feelings to women but now he knows better. Howard said that he's got a great life because he can just go out and make out with hot chicks and not worry about getting married or anything like that. Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that he really enjoyed that show ''The Contender'' and it's not surprising that it didn't do well in the ratings because it was up against ''24'' which is like the greatest show on TV. Ralph told Howard how good Spade is when he goes out. He zips around and tries to pick up chicks like crazy. Howard went out with him one time and David tried to pick up Christina Aguilera but failed. David told his side of that story and talked about how she was laying down in this VIP room that wasn't really for VIPs. David said that Howard introduced him to her and he just asked her what she was doing there. Howard said that Spade asked her what she was doing there and she had to tell him that she'd just won a Grammy and said it to him like he was just a douche bag.
David told Howard a story about going out last night and running into a friend of Artie's at some club he was out at with Adam Sandler. Spade said the guy barely knew Artie. He talked about the comedy show he was part of last night and what some of the guys did. He said that Adam Sandler sang a song and Conan O'Brien sang a song. Ralph asked if Sandler was actually funny last night. David said he was funny and a lot of people were there to see him. Spade said he ran into Ashley Olsen too so Howard asked him if he'd do her. Howard said he'd do her if he had the chance. Spade said she was cute and there were a ton of other hot chicks at this place called Butter.
Artie told a story about going to a party with Spade one time. They went to a P. Diddy party and there were only a few other people in the room. Elton John and 2 male strippers were there with Artie, David and David's assistant Skippy. Artie said that they told David that he should go over and say hello to Elton so he did that while the two male strippers were dancing for Elton. Artie said it looked like one of the strippers was there for David.
Howard told a story about going to a P. Diddy party one time and how he just wanted to leave because Puffy wasn't there and they wouldn't let him go in and use the bathroom. David said he tried to go to a party one time but gave up when they ran into a road block a block away from the party. Howard asked David who the hot chick was who was with him today. Spade said that she's his new assistant. That led to Howard talking about David's old assistant Skippy who once tazered him and beat him up. David said he still has scars on his arm from the tazer. Howard and the guys were laughing while Fred was playing some sound effects in the background. Spade said that Skippy is still working and once worked on a show that John Stamos was working on. Stamos saw him working there and told him to hang on. Spade said ''Cut to... You're fired!'' and Skippy was let go from the show. He said that he's still working out there in L.A. for someone.
Howard gave David a couple of plugs for ''8 Simple Rules'' which he's working on now. Ralph had a new list of women for the guys. He had a list of women who were ''Hot for 2 seconds.'' Here's the list...
Howard heard that David helped Chris Rock out with the Academy Awards stuff. David said he did help him out and he thought that Chris did a good job. Howard spent a few minutes talking to David about going to Chris Rock's place one time and how he was one of only a couple of white guys at the place. He said no one was laughing at his jokes on the video tape they'd put together for Chris. Spade said he had some fun going back and forth with Chris about the jokes he was going to use on the Academy Awards. Spade said that Chris took out a lot of the jokes that he was going to use because he didn't want to offend too many people.
Howard asked who the musical guest is on Saturday Night Live this week. Spade said that it's Jack Johnson and Howard actually knew who the guy was and said he's pretty good. Gary came in a short time later and asked David if he was still dating the chick he talked about the last time he was on. David said he was kidding about that. He ended up goofing on Gary some more and singing some Baba Booey songs that he's come up with. He also comes up with songs about Artie that he leaves on his voice mail. Howard had to wrap up the interview after that. He was about to go to break but Double A called in and said he was at a party that David was at. He wondered if there was a confrontation between David and John Stamos. David said that he didn't even see Stamos that weekend and he didn't have any confrontation with him. Howard heard that the two of them don't get along because of Rebecca Romijn. Howard thought that David was in love with her or something like that. David was about ready to walk out so Howard wrapped up and went to commercial break.
Howard got a note that High Pitch Eric was on the phone and really high. He tried to take a call from him but he wasn't there when he picked up the phone. He ended up taking a call from a guy who told Howard about how he had his ass cut up when he was a kid. He said that he got run over by his own tractor and the blades kicked on and chopped up his ass and leg. He said he'd send some pictures so Howard could check them out. Howard said he'd put them up on his web site if he sends them. Robin finished up her news after that and they ended the show around 10:35am
Howard talked about the snow storm that hit the city yesterday after the show. He said it was worse than they predicted it to be. He was supposed to get together with his daughter for dinner but the snow storm screwed that up so he got kind of bummed out. Howard said that the snow threw everything off in his little world and there was no way he could fix it. Robin told him he should get himself a sled and get himself out there. Howard told her that his daughter was supposed to come out and visit him though. Artie said the snow was good for packing snowballs so he threw some at the local kids in his neighborhood.
Howard brought up Dan Rather's retirement and the fact that Donald Trump doesn't like the guy. Howard said he saw a retrospective about Rather's career which showed some of the stuff he's covered in his long career. Howard pointed out that the guy screws up one story and now everyone thinks that he was a horrible reporter. Howard isn't a big watcher of the local news so he wasn't all that aware of Dan Rather's reporting. He doesn't wait to hear his news because there are news channels out there that show news all day long. Howard had some tape of Donald Trump going off on Dan Rather so he played that. Trump said that Rather did a report on him that was not true and he wondered why the guy lasted as long as he did because he had such lousy ratings. Trump said he didn't think Rather was good at covering the news and a lot of people feel that way. Howard said he likes the way Trump blasts people when he's interviewed like that. Trump said he would have fired the guy years ago and said he would have just said ''Dan, you're fired'' in his trademark way of firing people. Howard said that he likes to see other people bad mouthed because he gets bad mouthed so much himself.
Howard said there's a guy who worked with him for four months in his career and the guy has told him he thinks that he was a major part of his career and he should have been included in his books. Howard said the guy has also asked him why he doesn't help the people that have helped him in his career. Howard said the guy thinks hired him to work for him and claims that he used to go to lunch with him all the time. Howard said that it wasn't actually this guy, it was the general manager who hired him. Howard said if that's the truth as the guy knows it, then he can go ahead and spout it. The whole thing was bizarre and it actually had him upset for 2 days. He wanted to go off on the guy but decided not to. He said if the guy had written to him in a nice way and asked him for something, he may have responded. Now the guy is trying to take credit for his career. Howard never said what the guy's name was.
Gary came in with some audio of Walter Cronkite going off on Dan Rather. Robin said that Cronkite might dislike him because Rather replaced him and he may not have been ready to leave the network at the time. Howard said that Cronkite was at a point in his career when he had to keep clearing his throat every 3 seconds so it was time for him to go. Robin said that Cronkite didn't want to leave and he was kind of pushed out. Howard played the audio clip of Cronkite talking about Rather and saying that he shouldn't have lasted as long as he did. The interviewer as asking Cronkite about the ratings that Rather got but Howard said that saying that the better news cast is the one with more ratings is like saying that the National Enquirer is better than the New York Times because they have more readers.
Gary said that Vinnie (Favale) is one of those guys who is really excessive when it comes to that stuff. He's put all of his music on his computer and has gotten rid of all of his jewel cases. He also said that he heard that Vinnie was going to buy a DVD changer that could hold hundreds of DVDs and he could play them around the house. Gary asked him why he doesn't just bring the DVD up to the room he wants to watch it in. Artie said that there are times when he doesn't even listen to his iPod for months at a time. Howard said he was going to use his one day but the battery wasn't charged. Richard Christy came in and said he's one of those guys who walks around the city with his iPod on and that got him in trouble one day when he sat in a homeless guy's diarrhea. He also said that he has certain songs that he listens to while walking through Central Park and stuff and it adds to his experience. It's like a soundtrack for his walk. Howard wondered why people need that. Gary said that it makes people's lives a little better but Howard wondered if Richard's life is really better because of his music. Gary and Richard didn't think it really was. Howard had to go to break after that.
Gary said that he got an e-mail from Sam Simon who was one of the creators of The Simpsons. Sam manages a boxer and he said that a lot of people in the boxing community hate ''The Contender'' for some reason. Sam also told Gary who goes to the finals in the show and spoiled some other things about the show. Then he wrote that he wasn't going to send it to Howard because he didn't want to spoil it for him. Gary said he got pissed about that because he was getting into the show.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard that the show might be good but the ratings probably won't go up all that much so it will probably fail. Howard said that Seinfeld's show started out with lousy ratings and it eventually became huge so that's not necessarily true. Gary brought up how Vinnie would never admit that Fear Factor was a hit show and now it's in syndication. Vinnie said that it's really not a hit show and you never see Joe Rogan anywhere but on that show. Howard and the guys said that there were other shows whose stars weren't in all that many other things either. Howard didn't understand what Vinnie was talking about.
Vinnie also brought up how he's working on digitizing everything in his life including movies and CDs. The guys brought that up earlier and were talking about his huge music collection. Vinnie said he has about 2000 DVDs and he wants to hold them all in one place so he can watch them when he wants. Vinnie said he has a couple of TiVos with just episodes of Seinfeld and The Simpsons on them. Vinnie said he watches Seinfeld just about every night at 11:30 (When Letterman is on?) because it's a classic show. Howard said he doesn't need to put his music on his computer because he has his music jukeboxed in his house. Vinnie said he has about 100,000 songs on his computer. Howard had to get him off the phone because he couldn't take it anymore for some reason. He said that if Vinnie died tomorrow, they'd just throw his computer out and all of that CD ripping would be wasted. Gary said he has 2500 songs in his computer and about 2200 of them were ripped by someone else. The guys talked about how Vinnie must be ripping songs on his computer at all hours of the day.
Eric left the guys a message asking them to move his E! show to the same night that American Dreams airs. He basically wants them to change their whole schedule based on him. Eric called in a short time later so Howard asked him why he would lead his entertainment review with a wrestling report. That's not exactly the biggest news. Eric didn't have much of a comeback for them though. Howard played more of his entertainment report where he was having trouble reading. It had Robin and Artie laughing pretty hard. Howard said that Eric's read is garbled and his news stories aren't all that interesting. Howard did his impression of Eric reading the report and goofed on him a little bit. He told him he likes the report, but he likes it for all the wrong reasons. Howard wants to bring him to ''Eh, eh, eh'' (Sirius) when he goes. He's thinking of giving him his own half hour show over there. Howard played a little more of his report and laughed as Eric stammered over his celebrity report. Howard told him he needs to put more energy into it and be a little more cheerful. Artie suggested that he use some Mike Walker-isms in his reports but Eric isn't into that. Howard let Eric go so he could go to commercial break. Robin wondered why he was back on the show because she thought he was giving it up. Howard just said that ''he's back'' and went to break.
Howard talked about the girlfriend he had when he was 13 years old and how he tried to do other things with her but just ended up kissing her. His buddy Dr. Lew told him to dump her so he could play the field. He dumped her and 2 seconds later she was dating another dude. Howard didn't get another girl until he was about 16. Howard told the kid that he would send the kid the $500 or he'd give it to Artie and let Artie place a bet with his bookie and try to make him more money. Artie looked up some of the games that were coming up. The kid wanted to keep the $500 and not let Artie lose the money. The kid wasn't willing to let Artie bet his money. Howard asked the kid what's going on with his father. The kid said that he hasn't seen him since he was about 7 years old. Howard wanted to ask his mother what's going on there but the kid said that they don't even talk about him anymore. They lost connection with him years ago. Howard said that the kid is probably fine. Howard asked him to describe his mother to him. He basically said that she was a MILF. Howard said the kid can think of them as his substitute fathers. Artie can teach him about finance and Howard could teach him about penis. He told the kid that his father is missing out on a someone that sounds like a great kid.
Howard got Sara back on the phone and asked her where the old man is. She didn't talk much about him but said she got pregnant at 16 and is now 29. She's 5'6'' tall and weighs 123 pounds. Howard thought she was a little heavy for that height. Sara said that the kid's father was around until he was about 6 but he was on and off for a while. The guy doesn't want anything to do with the kid. Sara said that the guy was 17 at the time and he didn't want the pregnancy to begin with. Howard wondered if the father was small in the pants. Sara said he was so maybe that's why he got the ''short end of the stick'' so to speak. Sara said her son is a great kid. Howard put her on hold so he could hook her up with the $500. He had to take another break after that.
Howard told Chris he was going to be playing for a $10,000 grand prize. He told him that they were bringing in the 11 year old kid and WWE Diva Christy Hemme. He was going to ask them 7 questions and whichever one got the most correct was the winner. Chris picked Christy to win the contest so Howard wondered why he picked her. Chris seemed to think that she might not be as smart at the 11 year old, Jewish, kid. The 11 year old is a good student but Christy has been around a lot longer. Gary asked Howard why he kept mentioning that the kid was Jewish. Howard said that a lot of Jewish kids are smart but Robin pointed out that Howard was a Jewish kid and he wasn't all that smart. Howard said he'd go with the 11 year old if he were Chris but he didn't want to sway him in the wrong way and have the guy blame him for the loss. Chris stuck with Christy as his pick to win. Howard wasn't going to tell Christy that Chris picked her but he changed his mind and wanted to pressure her to win.
Howard had Christy come in a short time later and gave her a couple of plugs for the April issue of Playboy in which she appears. The 11 year old girl, Eliza, was also in. She said that she's a straight A student. Howard told the girls the rules and that Chris had picked Christy to win. He also told Christy that there's $10,000 riding on this. He had a lot of questions for Christy but he didn't want to ask them in front of the 11 year old.
Howard moved on to the game and asked the questions. Each of the girls had a card to write their answers on. Here are the questions, answers and who got them right:
Howard spent some more time talking to Christy about her dating life. She said she's only been with about 6 guys in her life. She was a virgin up until she was 18 years old. She said that she didn't get that much pleasure from the first guy, at least not like she does now. She said a woman can't really enjoy sex until they know how to pleasure themselves. She said she does that a lot now that she doesn't have a man. She has a whole collection of vibrators that she uses but she doesn't travel with them. She said that's the first thing she does when she gets home. Christy said she enjoys dressing up for her man and will dress up in a school girl outfit with pigtails sometimes. She said she's spontaneous about that stuff and doesn't plan it ahead of time. Howard wanted more details about that so he tried to find out just how she does that. She said there are things she'd like to keep secret. She said she does like to be spanked and stuff. Howard asked her if she gets excited when a guy spanks her. She was just laughing through the whole thing.
Christy told Howard about how she won the WWE Diva search which got her $250,000. Howard asked her if she likes her hair pulled when she's in bed too. She likes the pain and does like the hair pulling and spanking. Gary came in and said he read that she was caught having sex in her father's office one night. Christy told Howard about how she went there with the guy because she was young and had no place to go so they went to her father's insurance company office to do it. She said they were having sex and she saw a shadow in the hall. She made a comment to the guy about how it would be funny if her father showed up. Then she realized it was her father and he went nuts and asked her what the hell she was doing in his office. She said her father was cool about it the next day after he calmed down. Christy said she's not into girls but she did kiss the ring announcer on her show one time.
Howard gave Christy some plugs for the upcoming Wrestlemania 21 which airs on April 3rd. He also plugged her Playboy issue and was about to wrap up. Doug Goodstein from E! came in and asked her if she'd get into a schoolgirl outfit and then get spanked. She agreed to do it much to Howard's surprise. They had her go into the bathroom and get changed. She was in character when she came out and Howard started to take his clothes off. He didn't know what he was doing and acted out some scenes with Christy who was acting like a young school girl. Howard told her that he was going to spank her for any bad grades she got. She called him Daddy at one point but Howard didn't seem to like that too much since he's old enough to be her father. Howard wanted to see Christy's underwear but she refused to show it to them. Howard ''read'' her report card and found that she got a D in History so she was going to get 3 spankings for that. He had her bend over and gave her a few spankings. She also got an F in conduct so Howard had to spank her a few more times. She squealed each time he spanked her. Gary said that she was smiling through the whole thing. She got some bad grades in a few other classes like Science and Social Studies so Howard was spanking her like crazy. Artie asked ''How are we constantly overlooked at the Emmys?'' Gary said he wasn't sure he could stand up after seeing this. Artie said she smelled good too and asked her what she was wearing. She said she was wearing Romance.
Huge wrestling fan Double A called in and asked her how long she's in town because he'd like to take her out. Howard hung up on him before he could hook up with her though. Howard took a couple of other calls and spent a couple more minutes with Christy. Doug told Howard that there was one more thing that they could do to her school girl outfit... wet it down. Christy said that she was wearing a black bra under the outfit so it wouldn't work too well. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later. Jason was in there snapping pictures of her so they could put those up on HowardStern.com immediately. He went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard had a Ryder college student, Laura, there who called Gary and left a message asking him if she could do an interview with him. Howard invited her down to do the interview because she sounded so sweet in the voice mail. He said they get that from a lot of people but they don't usually do interviews. She didn't even know how to pronounce his name though. She thought it was Gary Dell'Avante or something like that. Howard told her that it's a good idea to learn someone's name when you do an interview. Laura was giggling quite whenever Howard would ask hear question. She's only 19 years old. Howard let her ask Gary some questions. Laura asked him who comes up with the outrageous ideas for the show. Gary said it's mostly Howard, Artie and Fred who come up with them. Howard told her about a bit Gary came up with. Howard said he asked Gary to get him some wooden toothpicks and Gary came back to him and told him they don't make them anymore. He'd sent an intern down to the store to get them and they didn't have any. Gary said that bit was good for about 25 minutes worth of a show the other day.
Howard heard that some of the guys in the back were getting pissed about what Gary said about the guys who come up with the ideas for the show. Sal and Richard were apparently yelling about that in the back room. Laura asked Gary if they plan certain bits for certain times of the morning. Gary said they really don't plan stuff like that around the time of morning. They will do bits at any time. Gary had also cracked a joke about Tom Chiusano not coming up with ideas for the show so he had to come in and object to that. Howard said that Tom came up with the idea to censor out the word ''anal'' for no reason at all. Laura had some other questions that she asked. She was wondering about the E! show and if they air everything they tape or if they pick certain parts. Gary and Howard told her that they only air the good stuff, usually women getting naked. Laura also asked Howard what will happen to his old radio shows when he moves to Sirius. Howard said he owns the E! shows but he doesn't get to take the old shows with him over to Sirius. He said he will be able to bring some bits from his TV show over to Sirius but not the radio show stuff.
Vinnie Favale called in and asked Gary why he can't tell that there's a guy there who is almost 15 years older than him. Gary had said that Laura's father looked younger than him but he turned out to be 58 and Gary is only 44. Vinnie thought that was pretty funny. A couple of other callers asked Howard to get this girl into the tickle chair or something but Howard didn't want to do that because she's a young girl. Howard had her ask Gary another question about how they pick people to hire to work there. Gary said that they have Anne Marie there to hire interns. Howard wrapped up with Laura after that and told her she could ask Gary the rest of her questions off the air. Fred played Gary out with a Baba Booey song parody. Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Gary will still be able to call himself ''Baba Booey'' when they go over to Sirius. Gary will be able to do that. Howard took another call from a guy who brought up last night's E! show featuring Penthouse pet Crystal Klein who was playing piano naked. Robin Radzinski came in and said that the second half of the show airs tonight. Howard had to take a break after that.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that there was an interesting fact on his site that said he sucked 1 and a half tons of fat from his patients last year. Dr. Calabro told Howard about some of the other work he did to the sisters and how much lipo he did on them. The girls showed Howard their asses before Howard wrapped up the short interview.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he could create a show on Sirius that would be censored for people who want to listen around other people. He said that if he's working in someone's house in a rich neighborhood, he wouldn't be able to listen to a dirty show. Howard said he'd think about it but he's not going to worry about it right now.
Gary came in during the news and told Howard that Robin Williams had just said the S-word on Live with Regis and Kelly and it made it out on the air. Gary said that for some reason Robin Williams is beloved and they probably won't fine them about that. Howard said they probably won't do a damn thing and who cares because he's moving to satellite where he'll be free to curse. A little later a phone caller asked Howard why he doesn't ask his guests about doing anal anymore. Howard said that they hit the delay on him when he mentions that. The button was hit when the caller asked about it as well.
Late in the news Robin did a report where she played some Woody Allen clips. That led to Artie talking about this movie ''Wild Man Blues'' in which Woody is followed around the world as he toured with a jazz band and Soon-Yi. He said it was a fascinating to watch and Howard should check it out. Howard said he might have to get it. They wrapped up the show around 10:20am.
Howard started off the show talking about the guests he had coming up on the show. Sylvester Stallone was going to call back in today to pump up ''The Contender'' since they're running it again tonight. Howard liked the show but it didn't get great ratings when it aired earlier in the week. Howard was also talking about the Michael Jackson trial and how little he cares about it. He said there's so many other things going on in the world that he doesn't care about that stuff. He brought up Dan Rather leaving CBS and how he's going out in disgrace for some reason and he doesn't get it.
Howard said he read that Bruce Willis had been out with Lindsay Lohan and may have been partying with her. Howard said he's one lucky guy if that's the case. He said he'd love to get Lindsay Lohan. Howard said even though she's only like 18, he'd be able to do her. Howard was saying that Bruce is 50 and Lindsay is about 18 but in ''men math'' they're the right age to date. Gary came in and said that he met Lindsay last night at an event he made an appearance at. There were some people from The Apprentice and Marcus Shankenberg was there according to Gary. Gary said that he talked to Marcus for a little while and he swears that he never made out with Chyna Doll at Scores like a news story said. Gary said Lindsay Lohan was there getting her picture taken and he saw Sal the Stockbroker getting a picture taken with her. Gary said he warned him to act like a normal guy when he was talking to her so he panicked when he saw him with his arm around her. Lindsay said hello to Gary at one point and she was kind of bummed about them putting her father on the show. Howard said that she's not doing the show so if her father calls in, he's going to put him on the air. Gary said he promised her that they won't put her father on the air anymore because she was staring at him in a weird way and made him nervous. Gary told Howard he feels weird about putting him on the air after seeing the ABC report about just how wacky the guy is. Jason snapped a picture of Lindsay at the party since he was there with a camera last night. Howard thought Lindsay looked really good and didn't even look like herself. Sal was making faces while she was standing next to her in the pictures. Howard thought she looked like she was about 30 so now would be the time to ''get her'' if anyone gets a chance. Robin said she'll probably look 60 when she turns 30.
Howard talked about one famous chick he dated and how he knew she must be into him because she was set up money wise and wouldn't have dated him for his money. Artie said that when he lived out in L.A. He knew he had a winning combination when he found a hot chick in a crappy car. He knew that she didn't have any money that way and it was a good score. Howard told Artie that he could get a lot of chicks now that he's on the air. Women feel like someone like that is ''safe'' because they hear him everyday on the radio. Artie said he's got issues about asking women for their numbers just like Howard does.
Howard and the guys brought up the Robert Black trial which led to Howard playing a Mark Harris gay song parody about the Blake case. Howard said he couldn't figure out what Mark's point of view is in the song. Mark was singing about Blake and how his wife was shot. Howard couldn't make it through the whole thing. He interrupted the song to talk to Ralph. Ralph has seen Howard's ''moves'' with women. He said that Howard's move is actually not having a move. The whole party comes to him instead. Ralph enjoyed that move because he was around Howard when women would come over to him. He said that people always want to put Howard in a private room when he goes out but then there's no one around. Howard and Ralph would stay in the busiest part of the room so women could come over. Howard said they'd have a bouncer there and he would keep the guys away from Howard but they'd let the girls come by. Ralph said they'd have to tell the bouncer to just keep the guys away and let the girls come through. There would be girls who would come up to Howard with their boyfriends but the bouncer was told to keep the boyfriend away and let the girls through. Ralph said it was funny because the girls would leave their boyfriends behind just to meet Howard. Howard said he used to hang out at the club Spa and a couple of other places to meet the chicks and they did meet a lot of them.
Howard would find a girl and he'd get out of the club which would piss Ralph off because the party ended after that. Ralph said that the bill would come and the bouncers would kick him out after Howard left. Ralph told Howard that he loved the ''Feliz Gravitas'' song parody that they put together using Kiefer Sutherland's ''Gravitas'' clip from ''Inside the Actors Studio.'' Howard played that for Ralph and asked Sal the Stockbroker to bring in some other clips they had created. Howard played the original clip where Kiefer was asked what his favorite word was. He was also asked what his least favorite word was and Kiefer responded with ''nig*er.'' They took that clip and edited it to change the words around. Howard replayed the Feliz Gravitas song parody after that. The guys ended up talking about this guy Bernard Pivo that James Lipton, the host of Inside the Actors Studio, mentions during his questioning. Howard didn't know who the guy was but Fred knew that he was a French interviewer. Howard was going to take a break but Ralph mentioned ''American Idol'' and ended up talking about that for a couple of minutes. The guys were sharing stories about what's been going on with the show lately. They talked about their favorite singers and how annoying Paula Abdul is on the show. The guys all agree that Paula should be thrown off the show because she ads absolutely nothing to it.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard that Jason called him the other day and asked him to contact Mark Harris about something. Vinnie called Mark and asked him for a copy of his new song but he ended up sending him 100 of his CDs because he was so excited he was asked for something like that. Howard ended up playing the Mark Harris song he played a little earlier about the Robert Blake case. The song was really gay right from the first few words. The guys said the music was gay and it was even gayer than they expected it to be. Fred threw in come porn gagging clips while the song was playing to make it funny. Howard said the funniest part of the song was Fred playing the porn clips. Gary said that Mark will think that the song is great because they played it twice on the show today. He won't acknowledge that it was Fred playing the sound effects that made it funny. Howard said Mark does make him laugh with everything he's into. Vinnie said that Mark never gets mad at him for some reason and he's always sending him this Douche Das hand cream for some reason.
Vinnie sent Howard a picture of his naked ass yesterday so Howard was commenting on that. Vinnie didn't want to let Howard put that picture up on the web site though. Robin wanted him to let Jason take a good picture of it and put it on the site. Vinnie said he'd have to take a little bit of the hair off his ass before he'd do something like that. Howard let Vinnie go after that because he had to take a commercial break.
Howard had Jessica Hahn on the phone to talk about her new breast implants. She's on some medication so she was acting kind of mellow and couldn't get her thoughts straight. She asked someone to get her a notepad for some reason. She went on to tell Howard about her new implants and how bad the old ones were. She said her old implants were drooping and anyone who gets them will eventually have that problem. Jessica told Howard she had those for 18 years and just got new ones since they were so droopy. She said she also went into rehab after that. Jessica wanted to get skinny so she was doing coke. She said she had a guy come in her house to coach her for the rehab thing because she didn't want to go to a rehab center. Jessica said that she had to take painkillers for the breast implant thing so that's why she was all doped up this morning. She was talking about how great her breasts look now that she has the new implants. They're a little bit bigger than they were plus she's skinnier than she was. Jessica said she's ashamed of herself for doing the coke to lose weight but she felt so pressured to do it. She said whenever she felt like eating, she'd do a line of coke. Now she's back on the straight and narrow and has been clean for 60 days now.
Jessica is still with this guy Ron who she's been dating for a long time. She told Howard that Ron's ex-wife just died recently and she's kind of upset about it because the woman started to love her after 14 years. Their kids love her as well so she's really upset about it. Ron is living with Jessica now although he's staying with the kids right now because he has to console them over their mother's death. Jessica said Ron comes by all the time and tucks her in at night. She usually has sex with him pretty often but she can't now that she's had her breasts done. Ron takes care of all of Jessica's bills and even gives her spending money.
Ralph called in and told Jessica she didn't sound okay talking the way she was. Jessica said that she had to do things the way she did because she would have run away from the rehab center if she went in. Ralph said this isn't the Jessica they know and it sounded more like they should be doing an intervention with her. After Ralph heard about her breast operation he said everything was okay. He wasn't aware that she was on meds for the pain. Jessica told Howard and the guys that she really was okay. Artie told her that she really wasn't sober 60 days because she's on these pain meds. Jessica said she's got stitches all over the place and she's in pain. She needs to get some sleep so Howard let her go. Ralph said that coke really is a good diet.
Howard said he hasn't watched the video yet but he and Ralph may watch it this afternoon. Vinnie Favale called in again and said that he saw the video and that Ratso had tried to sell it to CBS. Vinnie said it really was interesting and they empower the girls by letting them shoot the video themselves. Ralph said that Ratso has dated some really hot chicks. He remembered one that was really hot and it turns out Ratso actually marred the one he was thinking of. Howard gave Ratso a plug for the DV-Divas DVD. You can find out more about it at DV-Divas.com. Howard was trying to wrap up the call but Ratso was going on and on about this hot black chick they have in the video. He said she makes Uzo look like Joe Frasier. Howard let Ratso and Ralph go after that.
Howard talked about going to dentist to get a tooth checked out because it was bothering him. He said that he has to get a root canal done on one of his front teeth and they may even have to take it out. He said that the doctor told him it's not that big of a deal and they could just replace it and even move the tooth forward since it's kind of pushed back. Howard went to commercial a short time after that.
Howard had 3 experts in the field of hot chicks. They were all from porn magazines. The first guy was Warren Tang from Penthouse magazine. Howard said this guy has the best job in the world. He's seen him work and he does a great job at taking pictures of these hot chicks. Howard spent a minute talking to him about his career and how he got into the Penthouse thing. He used to do fashion shoots but went to Penthouse back in the 80s and has been with them ever since. Warren said he kind of freaked out when they started taking the pee pictures and stuff like that. He said they're going back to the normal stuff now though. Warren claims he doesn't date the girls he photographs because it wouldn't be professional. Howard told him he should just go ahead and date them because he's taking pictures of some of the hottest chicks out there. Howard moved on to Lisa Genio from Barely Legal magazine. She does the editing but Larry Flynt actually runs the magazine. She had a very young sounding voice and it was working for Howard. He said she sounded like she was about 7 years old. Lisa said they don't have girls with implants in the magazine and they keep it so the girls look like the girls next door. The magazine has gotten some attention lately because of the Michael Jackson case. Howard said that Lisa has worked for some of Larry Flynt's other magazines as well. Howard moved on to David Dizuzio from Swank magazine. He spent a short time talking to him about that magazine and what they're all about. David said that the girls in their magazine are as hot as the Playboy and Penthouse magazine but they do dirty things. They have toys to play with and stuff like that.
Howard read the notes he had about Saundra who was coming in to be evaluated by these guys. Howard got mad at Gary for blocking her when she walked in. He actually had Saundra go out and come back in. Gary left as well and came back in after Saundra. Gary told Artie and Howard to just die already after they goofed on him about that. Howard said that Saundra is 23 years old and she's wanted to get into magazines like Playboy and Penthouse and she's trying everything to get in there. She's working as a stripper now and can make about $2,000 a weekend if she works 4 days. Howard told her he could probably get her a job at Scores if she wanted. She said that she's had sex with only 2 guys and the guy she's with now was her first guy that she'd broken up with for a short time. Howard asked Saundra if she would be willing to get wild for a magazine like Swank. She said she's never seen it so she'd have to look at it before she'd agree to do it. Lisa said that they can't put her in Barely Legal because she doesn't have natural breasts. She said her face is great but the fake boobs won't work. Lisa said she really liked her face though. She's 5'4'' tall and weighs 120 pounds but Howard said he would have thought she was thinner than that.
Howard had Saundra get naked and on the bed they had set up in the studio. Howard then had Lisa give her evaluation. Lisa said she had a great face and a great smile but she couldn't get past the boobs. They don't have implants in their magazine. Saundra just got the boobs back in November so they're not that old. David from Swank was up next. He said that they don't generally run fake boobs either but he liked the way she looked. He said he'd give her a ''maybe'' and he'd have to run it by someone else before he'd commit to putting her in the magazine. Gary asked what kind of dirty things they'd want her to do in the photo shoots. David said they'd have her use sex toys but they wouldn't make her do it. Warren told Howard that she had a great smile, tan and stomach but the boobs weren't perfect. He said he could work with it though and she could be in Penthouse. He said he would recommend her to the magazine because she did have a good face. He said he'd even do some test shots today if she wanted. Robin said the lesson they learned was that you don't get implants in Indiana where Saundra is from. Warren thought that she may have gone a little too big and she should have kept it to a 34 B or so. Saundra said she was a B cup before the implants. She's now a D-cup.
Howard had Warren instruct Saundra in posing so the guys could see what she'd look like. He had her in an arched doggy style pose. He was giving her just the right instruction and the guys thought he was a genius for that. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later. Warren said he doesn't think she could get in Playboy but she could do Penthouse. Lisa and David thought the same thing. Doug from E! came in and asked Saundra if she'd like to cover herself in baby oil with a turkey baster. Saundra said she could do that so Doug had the guys bring in the baster. Warren had her pose on her knees first and then Doug said he had a squirt gun with creamy yogurt in it. Warren told him to spray her in the crotch with that. They also put some whipped cream on her butt. Warren continued to instruct her on positioning. She sprayed on some whipped cream and rubbed it into her butt. Howard wrapped up a short time later. He gave everyone plugs for their magazines and gave Saundra an iPod Shuffle and $500 cash courtesy of the movie ''Hostage.''
Sylvester Stallone was on the phone to promote The Contender again. Howard wondered what to call Stallone. He wanted to call him Mr. Stallone but Sylvester told him he could call him Sylvester. Stallone was out in Los Angeles calling in from bed. His wife Jennifer was there with him so Howard asked him what she was wearing. Stallone said she was covered up quite a bit so she looked like she was in a beekeeper's outfit. Howard wanted to talk to her so Stallone put heron the line. Howard told Jennifer how hot she is and how he doesn't see one thing wrong with her in the pictures he's seen. Jennifer told Howard that she actually spoke to Howard about 15 years ago. She went on to tell Howard about how she met Sylvester when he was out with about 11 other women. She didn't think she had a chance with him because he was out with such beautiful women. Jennifer said she keeps things hot with Sylvester but she never brings back women or anything like that. She said she will dress up slutty to go out but Sylvester will make her dress down a bit. Howard asked her if she ever plays ''school girl'' for Sylvester. Sly was in the background saying that she does and that they should put on the speaker phone so he can get in on the conversation. Howard said he'd like to get Jennifer and Beth together so he could have them making out. He'd then bang both of them while Sylvester was passed out in the other room. Howard said he could see Sylvester snapping his neck if he did anything like that though.
Howard asked Jennifer about the time Sly broke up with her over the fax machine. Jen said that it wasn't a fax, it was actually a FedEx letter. She told Howard that Sly is the best sex she's ever had and she truly loves him. Howard told her about how he slept with Sly's ex Angie Everhart and that he would eventually have to sleep with Jennifer. Jennifer told Howard that her body is still tight, even after having 3 kids. She doesn't have any stretch marks and no cellulite. She thinks she's actually hotter after having the kids than she was before. She says her mother had seven kids and she's the same way. She said she met Sylvester when she was only 19 years old and she hasn't had all that many guys in her life. She lost her virginity at 17 or 18 so she only had sex with one other guy before Sly. She did hook up with a billionaire after Sly had broken up with her though. Jen also told Howard that she and Sly watch porn together and Sly likes it. Howard asked her if Sly's brother Frank ever comes on to her. She laughed and said that has never happened.
Jennifer said that she takes care of her 3 kids herself although she does have a housekeeper that helps out around the house. She runs her own business as well. She said she has a lot of fun and invited Howard out to L.A. To hang out with them poolside. Howard told her he never get out there so she has to make her way out East instead. He said he'd bring her to the Y so they can swim there. Jennifer told Howard how jealous Sly gets when guys are around the house. She said she was getting a massage one time from a guy and Sly came home and freaked out. He told the guy to get out of the house and the guy ran out with his table still opened up. She said that the guy was really good at the massaging. She said she's never had an guys come on to her when getting massages though.
Howard asked Jennifer how long she had been with Sly before she had sex with him. She said it was a few weeks. They were separated for about a year when Sylvester broke up with her. Howard asked her what the FedEx breakup letter said. She said that it was just a poem and it didn't really say anything about the breakup. She said she thinks her mother still has the letter. She said it took a while for Sylvester to get her back after they broke up. She was living with another guy down in Australia so she couldn't just leave and take a cab home or something like that. Howard had Jennifer put Sly back on the phone so he could plug The Contender again. Jennifer said that she really would like to meet Beth so Howard told her to come out sometime, even if Sly can't come. They could have some fun together and then FedEx Sylvester to let him know how much fun they're having. Jennifer told Howard that she listens to him every morning and people think she's crazy in her car as she's listening.
Sylvester got back on the phone and said he's never letting Howard in his bedroom again because he just lost his wife. Howard talked about ''The Contender'' and how great he thought it was. The show is reairing tonight on NBC after The Apprentice. It's also going to reair on Sunday night which will be it's regular time slot. Robin and Howard were talking about the episode but tried not to spoil it for those people who didn't see it yet. Howard said he thinks the show is going to get bigger once it moves to it's time slot. Howard gave him another plug and let Stallone go after that.
Howard thought Jennifer sounded like a lot of fun. Robin was saying that she has her own skin care line of products. It's called Serious Skin Care. Howard quickly mentioned that they had some pictures of Saundra up on his web site. He took some phone calls after that and one guy thought that Howard was a sell out because he was kissing Sylvester Stallone's ass after the guy dissed him for years. Howard said that Stallone never dissed him and has always been cool to them even if he hadn't come on the show for a while. The caller told him to have his dentist check to see if he's got any balls left. Howard said he really thought The Contender was great and he wasn't just kissing Sly's ass.
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten lately. There was some nice feedback about the 13 year old kid that Howard was giving advice to. People were impressed with the way he handled that call. There were also some e-mails about Christy Hemme who was on the show yesterday. A lot of people thought she was really dumb but also really hot. Someone asked Howard how he can have Ralph as his stylist when the guy is so ugly. Howard said he doesn't know why that is. There were also some complaints about Jason's photography on Howard's site. One guy complained that Jillian Grace's feet were cut off in one picture and they should really get the full body shots in. Howard agrees and has talked to Jason about that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up last night's E! show with Crystal Klein. He said it was really hot and that it was a ''10 tissue show.'' Howard had a lot of stuff to get to but he had to take another break. He ended up talking about Jennifer Flavin a little more before taking the break. He said that Sylvester was probably banging her as he spoke. That led to him talking about his parents and how his mother was a virgin when she got married to his father. He said they probably didn't even have sex before they got married. He was also talking about how she probably doesn't shave down anything and she probably doesn't even shave her legs. Howard was having some fun talking about that but the delay was hit a couple of times during the discussion. He eventually wrapped that up and took another break.
Howard mentioned Mike's book ''Rather Dumb : A Top Tabloid Reporter Tells CBS How to Do News'' and ended up talking about Dan Rather for a short time. Howard played Rather's sign off from last night when he did his final newscast on CBS news. Dan thanked everyone from the people at CBS and all of the viewers that have watched the news. He signed off with his simple ''Courage'' line at the end of the newscast. Mike said he predicted that Dan would cry but he didn't. He had also predicted that Dan was going to use the ''courage'' thing in his final broadcast. Mike said that he is annoyed by Dan because he tells people about what kind of news they should be watching. Mike said he thought that Dan abandoned the basic principals of reporting when he didn't follow up on the Bush document thing last year. He said all he had to do was pick up a phone and call the guy about the document.
Mike told Howard that he was out at a bar at 4 in the morning drinking some Jack Daniels Old Fashioned and he was still drunk this morning when he came in. Howard had him start his Gossip Game a short time later. Here's how the game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Ralph called in and asked Howard what was up with Dan Rather. He wasn't sure if he'd retired or if he was forced to leave. Mike told him that Dan was forced out after the whole President Bush phony paperwork ordeal happened. Howard had to wrap up and take another break before getting to Robin's news.
Ralph called in and brought up the column that Beth writes for FHM magazine and how she once said something about the guys she used to date being good looking at the time but later turned out to be homely. He wondered if that's what she's going to think of Howard eventually. Beth had Ralph finish reading the column so she could show that she's not as shallow as he was making her seem. Ralph read the column and Beth told this writer that he was being very shallow asking about his friend's homely girlfriend and she should tell the friend how shallow he is.
High Pitch Eric called in with an F***, Marry, Kill game for Beth to play. He gave her the names Howard Stern, Double A and John Stamos. Beth didn't want to play the game and refused to say who she would pick to f***, marry or kill. Howard let her off the hook and hung up on High Pitch. Howard said he would probably kill John Stamos if it was up to him. A woman called in a little later and asked Beth if she still rides the trains alone. Beth said she does ride the train and there are a lot of other beautiful women who ride the train so she doesn't think it's all that dangerous. Howard said she doesn't really feel that way and wondered why she'd say that. The woman on the phone said she doesn't go anywhere without her dog by her side and wouldn't ride the train alone and she's only half as beautiful as Beth is. She seems to think that there are nothing but predators out there riding the trains.
Howard and Robin both mentioned that they saw the new TV show ''Fat Actress'' and actually enjoyed it. Beth and Howard sat through the whole thing and may tune in for the next episode. Robin said she watched it and said she'd be giving it a second chance. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started off the show talking about their upcoming ''Last Comic Sitting'' contest and some of the guests they have coming up. John Stamos, Beetlejuice and the suspended Crazy Cabbie would all be coming in later in the morning. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing John Stamos. He had a nice conversation with John the last time he was in town and they went out to dinner. Howard said Gary asked him if he's ever talked to John about the fact that his ex-wife, Rebecca Romijn, is with Jerry O'Connell. Howard hasn't brought that up but he does find it weird that she fell for someone like that. He seems to think that John is ''better'' than Jerry in some way but Robin thinks she mad a lateral move and didn't trade down compared to John. Howard said that if he and Beth broke up and Beth ended up with a George Clooney, he'd get upset. He said he'd be fine with it if she went to someone like Mario Lopez from ''Saved by the Bell.'' George Clooney would be a different story. Brad Pitt would be a big deal to him as well. He doesn't want Beth to be with someone who is going to take her out to award shows and give her a good time. He said he'd really freak out if she dated one of his competitors like Mark and Brian or Anthony from Opie and Anthony.
Another caller complained about Howard picking his teeth a little earlier. Howard said he's kind of dopey this morning because he was up really late last night because he couldn't sleep. The guy also complained that Ralph calls into the Booker show which is on later in the afternoon on the station Howard broadcasts from. The guys said they need to get some audio clips of those calls to hear what they talk about. Howard said that some guys just can't develop their own characters on their radio shows. He said he's kind of surprised that Ralph would call the Booker show but he likes Booker and he's not going to get into a whole possessive thing with Ralph. There are a lot of people in the business who like to take his guests and put them on their shows and he finds that kind of weird.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard that he loves Ralph. Howard talked about how it's just too much if his guests end up on the rest of the station all day. People will get tired of that stuff. King went on to tell Howard about how E! is doing a Michael Jackson trial reenactment and they don't bleep out anything on that show but they do bleep words out Howard's show. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with that show and it seems like anyone who hires him wants to control him in some way and that's what E! is doing. King also asked Howard if he would get upset if Beth broke up with him and went out with a regular guy. Howard said he wouldn't be upset about that but right now he's in love with her and he'd be upset if she was with any other guy. King seems to think that Beth is obsessed with Howard. Howard zoned out while King was explaining that stuff so he let him go a short time later.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and complained about Booker not having any material of his own and how she wanted to call his show to complain about it but she only calls Howard's show. Howard said he wasn't there to bash Booker, he's a friend of his. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that Booker seems to be lobbying to get Howard's job when he moves to satellite. Howard said that's fine with him and he wouldn't mind if he got the job. Howard has spoken to some other guys who have been interviewed for his job and he shouldn't be upset about it because someone has to take over for him. Tom Chiusano came in and defended Booker saying that he isn't trying to be Howard and he's actually trying to be anything but Howard. Howard wasn't saying anything bad about Booker but Tom didn't think he was defending him. Howard did say that it seems like guys like Booker like to have his guests on their shows because they can't seem to develop their own guests. Hook Nose Mike also told Howard that Booker does live commercials and says ''Fred, what's this... '' just like Howard does every morning. Booker apparently says he does that as a tribute to Fred.
Demos had some text messages from Cabbie that he read to Howard. He had one where Cabbie complained about Demos talking about his personal stuff on the air and how he could go on Howard's show and talk about his personal stuff. Demos said he hasn't told Cabbie anything about his life so he's not worried about it. Demos claims that he's the only one around the station who was nice to him when he was acting strange. He tried to help Cabbie out and was really nice to him and this is the way he gets treated.
Gary said that Demos called Cabbie on New Year's day and wished Cabbie luck with the next year. He was that thoughtful toward Cabbie and Cabbie seems to hate him. Gary said that Cabbie is really mad at Demos over all of this stuff but the guys don't think it makes all that much sense. Howard said he had to take Demos' word for this stuff unless Cabbie calls in to give his side of the story. Demos told Howard about Cabbie scratching his ass on the air and he'd touch the microphone after that. Gary said he asked Cabbie about that and Cabbie denied ever doing it. Tom Chiusano came in and said that Cabbie is in a state of recovery right now so they can't expect him to be totally rational. Tom thought it was good that Cabbie checked with his doctor before he actually came in this morning. It shows that Cabbie is trying to get better. Artie was still doing his Cabbie impression and had Howard laughing his ass off at the things he was saying. Demos told Howard that he will still be nice to Cabbie and he'd be willing to be his baby sitter again when he comes back to work. Howard said they should have Cabbie do his show like Hannibal Lechter. Robin thought that would be great because Cabbie could never get out of control again.
Demos told Howard about how he was fired by Steve Kingston when he worked there about a year ago. He ended up turning in all of his stuff and everyone was really cool to him when that happened. He also said that Kingston had fired him but when he went to collect unemployment, they said that Kingston claimed that he had quit voluntarily. Artie was still goofing on Cabbie doing his impression and cracking Howard and Robin up. Tom said he thought they were done with him at that point. Howard wished Demos luck and wrapped up the segment a short time later. He said that he would have Cabbie on whenever he gets clearance to have him on.
Howard went out to dinner with his daughter Debra and her boyfriend. He said he's met the guy before and he's a nice guy. Howard rushed home to watch American Idol last night. He also watched Survivor and said it was a great episode. He talked about that a little bit but Robin hadn't seen the episode yet. He said the hillbilly dude lost a competition to a gay guy and couldn't believe it. Howard played an audio clip from the show where he was talking about the guy who had just beat him.
Howard told everyone to go check out his web site because they have tons of hot chicks on there. He talked about the girl who was in yesterday to be evaluated for porn magazines. He said that Jason has been taking some great pictures lately and they're getting pretty pornographic. They also had some other girls on this week and their pictures are up on the site as well. That led to Howard talking about the local news anchors. He said that some of the women are looking really hot. There's one anchor by the name of Catherine Eisman and another, Jackie Highland, who looks like a super model to him. He said he really digs news women and would love to go out with one. Artie said that some of the chicks are Playboy hot these days. Howard said he likes the women because they can speak well and they have cool jobs.
Toad the dwarf came in and told Howard that he's going to beat Beetlejuice's ass tomorrow because he's there to beat someone. He said they might be telling Beetlejuice that he's going to throw the fight but he's not going to do that. Toad told Howard that he's 4'5'' tall and weighs 215 pounds. Beetlejuice says he only weighs 130 pounds. Toad said they're going to do 3 or 4 rounds at 3 minutes each. He also said that he's got training in kick boxing and stuff so he's going to beat the guy's ass. Howard had Toad demonstrate his kicking technique and he wasn't messing around. Artie was laughing as he saw the guy kicking for some reason. Toad says that he gets paid to beat the crap out of people so he's going to do what he's paid to do when he fights Beetlejuice. Toad did some sparring and it was obvious that he was going to kill Beetlejuice if they got in the ring together. Toad told Howard that Beetlejuice is going to be known as Bloodyjuice when he gets done with him. Howard had Beet get his gloves on so he could demonstrate his boxing moves. Beet threw some punches and it looked like he could punch pretty good according to Robin.
Toad told Howard that he should be able to knock Beetlejuice out in the second round of the fight. Beetlejuice claims to be undefeated so he has confidence that he's going to beat Toad. Howard said it should be an exciting fight tonight down in Delaware. A caller asked Toad who sanctions these fights. Toad said he has no idea, he just got a call from a guy who asked him if he wanted to fight Beetlejuice and he took the offer. The caller started going off on Beetlejuice trying to get him all revved up. Beetle and the caller went back and forth for a couple of the minutes. The caller was telling Beetle that he can't even spell the word 'red' and he was retarded. Beetlejuice told the caller that he was retarded as well so it went nowhere. Howard ended the call and gave Beetlejuice and Toad another plug for their fight. You can get more information at JollyDwarf.com. Toad claims that he's undefeated as well and he has no problem beating dwarves. Howard told Beetlejuice not to go tonight because this guy is going to beat the crap out of him. He said this isn't fake and Toad isn't going to take a fall. Howard asked Toad not to hurt Beetlejuice. Toad said he'd take care of Beet's medical bills after the fight.
Artie asked Howard if they could have Benjy wrestle Toad. Howard said Benjy would get his ass beat if he wrestled this guy. Toad said that he saw Benjy's nude picture and that kind of freaked him out. A guy claiming to be the fight promotor said that Beetlejuice is going to go in and beat the crap out of Toad and the fight isn't fixed. Howard said he doesn't like it and told Beet that he's his man and he wished he wouldn't go. Another phone caller said he doesn't want Beetlejuice to fight either because he likes the guy. Toad told Beetlejuice that he'd give him one more chance to back out of the fight. He was going to demonstrate some more of his moves to show him what he was up against. Even Artie was afraid of the guy and he wasn't going to be fighting him. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard said that John wanted to meet Beetlejuice so they introduced them off the air. Beetlejuice wouldn't even look at John and told him to get out of his face. Beetlejuice was in a really bad mood this morning and he didn't want to talk to anyone. Howard asked the guys to bring Beetlejuice back in so they could find out what's wrong with him today. Gary came in and said that Beet was on his way but he's kind of slow moving. Beetlejuice said he didn't want to know him but didn't have a good reason. He said he doesn't care about Stamos or the shows he was on. Howard tried to tell Beet that the guy gets a lot of chicks but Beetlejuice didn't care. He was in a foul mood and ended up walking out of the studio because he was so pissed. Howard said that maybe Beet is a Jerry O'Connell fan.
Howard brought up the conversation they had earlier in the morning about Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell. Howard was saying that if he and Beth broke up, he would hope that she'd date someone in a lesser position in the business. He asked John how he feels about Rebecca. John said he just wants her to be happy. Robin and Howard told him to stop being phony and get real. Howard said he got angry when he heard about Rebecca dating Jerry. John wouldn't say anything bad about Jerry. Gary got on his intercom and said that John is higher up in the business because he's had a few series while Jerry hasn't. Robin said that Jerry is on the show ''Crossing Jordan'' so that's not true. Gary said he wasn't aware of that but it's not Jerry's own show. John said he met Jerry once and he was a nice guy. He doesn't have a problem with that. John said he would feel worse if Rebecca was with someone like Tommy Lee. John thought that Rebecca kind of moved quick to get into that relationship though. John said he was the one who rushed the divorce because he thought it was time.
Howard didn't remember how he started being friends with John. John told him he did the WWOR show a couple of times and then he did a part in Private Parts. Howard said the Private Parts thing was a real solid and that was one of the big things he did for him. Ralph called in a minute later and said he was there when John found out that Rebecca was dating Jerry and John seemed relieved when he found out. Ralph told Howard that he saw John's new show and it was actually good. He said there were a couple of things they needed to fix but it was pretty good. Ralph said the show starts off with John dating a woman who he's slept with before but didn't remember. Howard said that's like real life and he's probably done that before. Howard thought that John was probably getting more than one girl a day after he split from Rebecca. Ralph said that there's a constant stream of women coming and going from his house all the time and he's really casual about it. He said he doesn't know what was going on in his bedroom though.
Howard said that he thinks John got Rebecca's best years. Ralph said that he was really upset about the whole thing in the end. Ralph said he knew that the relationship was over after he went to see ''X Men 2'' and Ralph said something to her about being a model and she responded to him saying ''I'm not a model, I'm an actress'' with a straight face. Ralph laughed and said she was painted blue in the movie and she thinks she's an actress. Howard said that Rebecca is supposed to be doing a pilot for the WB network. He asked John what he thinks about that. John wasn't saying anything bad about her and said that he was going to take the high road. Howard talked about the time that Rebecca and John were over at his apartment and both Rebecca and Beth took their tops off. Howard thinks he could have gotten Rebecca that night but John said they never did any swinging. Howard claims that Beth said she wouldn't have slept with John that night though.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked John for Rebecca's phone number. John said he doesn't even know her number. Double A called in and said he met John last year and he was a cool guy. John remembered him and his tattoos. Double A said that with John's looks and his tattoos, they should be able to clean up with the hot chicks. Howard wondered if JOhn ever gets turned down when he asks out a hot chick. He said he was just turned down recently when he asked a 23 year old girl for her number. She told him that she didn't want to go out on a date with him. Howard said he likes women who won't go out with John and he respects that. Howard told John that he should get the Olsen Twins on his show and date them on the show. John told Howard that the twins are really big fans of his and he's trying to get them on the show.
Howard was complaining about the copies of the show he got of John's show. The DVD didn't work in his DVD player and the sound on the VHS tape was all off so he couldn't watch it. Vinnie Favale called in a short time later and asked JOhn how many dates it takes before he brings his girls to Disneyland. John ended up talking about how he brought the Olsen Twins there and he didn't date them. He's remained friends with them over the years. Howard said he would have sex with them, just so he could say he did. Howard told John that he should bang them but John isn't going to do that.
High Pitch Eric called in as Kelly Clarkson and told John he was in love with him. Kelly asked John if he would go out with him tonight and sang a little bit to him before Howard hung up on him. Howard took another call from a guy who asked John about a guy who worked for him and ended up living at his house. That led to John asking Ralph if he ever had sex at his house. Ralph said he did have sex at John's old house. They cracked some gay jokes about Ralph and goofed on him a little bit. Ralph told a story about a hot chick he hung out with out there but never banged. Howard hung up on Ralph a short time after that. Fred played some gay porn clips after Ralph was off the phone. Howard wrapped up with John after that and wished him luck with his new TV show. Howard said he thinks a better show would be just to follow John around with a camera. ''Jake in Progress'' airs on Sunday night but moves to it's regular time slot on Thursday nights at 8 after that.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that he believes that Michael Jackson will kill himself before his trial is over. He pointed out that Jackson showed up to court in his pajamas yesterday. He doesn't think he's going to make it to the end of the trial because of that. Howard said he doesn't think that Jackson is getting a fair trial because they've already shown that the brother of one of the kids accusing Jackson of abuse has lied under oath. Dominic said that Jackson could run away to France or somewhere like that because they don't extradite anyone for sex crimes there Howard said he thinks Jackson believes he will be found innocent so he will not flee. Dominic asked Howard to answer some questions as Michael Jackson. He asked him how old he is and why he sleeps with 11 year olds. Howard, doing an impression of Jackson, goofed on Dominic a little bit and answered the questions but Dominic ended up getting off the phone a short time later.
Ralph called in but Howard told him that he had him on once already and the fans were complaining about his calls yesterday. Scott DePace came in and sadi that even he has to turn the radio off when Ralph calls in because he comes off as smug and arrogant and it's really annoying. Scott sadi that Ralph is fine when he calls him at home but when he's on the air it's no good. Gary came in and told Howard he thought Ralph was actually pretty funny when he was goofing on Rebecca Romijn earlier. Howard read some of the e-mail he's gotten about Ralph and people get really pissed when he calls in. Some people think he really sucks and it's like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard. Ralph said there are people out there who like him, they just don't have time to write in. Howard read some other mail about the Jessica Hahn phone call from yesterday. People were annoyed by her as well for some reason. Howard took a phone call from a guy who sadi he doesn't mind hearing from Ralph once in a while.
Ralph told Howard that he saw the trailer for the new Star Wars movie but he had to sit through ''The O.C.'' which is horrible to him. That led to the guys talking about ''The Contender'' which aired last night. It got crushed in the ratings once again. The guys were talking about the ratings for the other shows that were on last night as well. CSI got huge ratings but Howard doesn't think the show is even that good. Howard heard that Richie from E! started crying when he saw the trailer for the new Star Wars because he was so excited about it. Howard had Richie come in to talk about why he was crying over it. Ralph said the movie does look cool. Richie called in and told Howard that he did get ''weepie'' when he saw the trailer but he's a super geeky Star Wars fan. Richie said he's going to get upset when the movie ends because it's like 30 years of his life coming to an end. Howard had to bail out on the call because it was just too gay for him and he had to end the show. Robin finished up her news and they ended the show around 10:20am.