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(First Time Video Girls)
Mac and Bumble
Howard moved on to the girls after talking to all of the guys. First up was Melissa who was on the show a couple of years ago with a friend of hers when she showed off her white private parts (she was a black chick). Melissa also showed off her big private parts that day. The guys checked her out after she took off her top and spun around. The guys all agreed that she was cute but she wasn't centerfold material. Ralph said her hips were too wide but the brothers said that they were fine for Playboy. Chin said he'd give her a 10 and she could be in the magazine.
Next up was Krista. The guys checked her out and let her know what they thought. Ralph and Chin said no way to Playboy while Mike and Terry said she was Playboy material.
It was supposed to be just the two girls but Gary said they had a couple of extras as backups and one of them was crying because she wasn't going to get on. Howard had her come in. Andrea came in and said she really wanted to be evaluated. She had no problem taking off her top. The guys checked her out and Chin said she was Playboy material while the rest of the guys said she wasn't.
Finally there was Kau and Ya, two black chicks from some web site. They came in but refused to take off their tops. So Mike and Terry eventually told KC to ''...get these two niggas out of here!'' Howard had to boot them out since they refused to take their tops off. One of the girls said she wouldn't take her top off unless she had a signed contract with Playboy. Howard thought they were pretty hot but Ralph said they were just hot ''for black chicks.'' Someone noticed that one of the girls had a belly button that stuck out quite far so they ended up calling her back in to talk about that for a minute. Howard figures it's because they went to bad doctors when they were born.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Mike and Terry before he wrapped up the segment. Howard took a couple of phone calls for them and they did a quick rap song before Howard ended the fun.
Howard had a bunch of questions for Anna about her ex-husband but she didn't want to answer them. She said she didn't want to talk about him though. Howard kept asking questions and she kept saying that she's not going to talk about her husband. She didn't want to get upset.
Howard seems to think that Anna might be on some kind of drug or medication sometimes but she claims that it's just when she's tired that she sounds like that. She said when she sounds normal on the show it's when she's focused on that part of the show and she doesn't speak with her usual Southern Drawl.
Earlier in the show Howard and the rest of the guys all placed bets on how much Anna weighs. Howard needed Anna to get on the scale they have built into the floor in the studio. She wanted no part of that though. Howard said he'd give her $1000 of iWon.com money if she did it. Gary came in and said he'd add an extra $2000 and an Xbox for her son. Howard said the money would go toward her son's college education. Kim said he already had an Xbox though. Anna said she didn't want to be embarrassed and made fun of by Howard after being weighed. She was really pissed at him though and didn't want to do it. Howard talked about how Benjy weighed 220 pounds the last time she was in and she has to weigh at least 80 pounds more than him. Stuttering John came in and told her to just get on the scale. Benjy got pissed and yelled at John to just stop. He went crazy and threatened to fight John. They apparently had to hold Benjy back because he was serious. Howard kept telling Benjy to stop and sit down. Benjy is really in love with her because the last time she was on he got to make out with her in the bathroom. Benjy said that if Anna doesn't want to weigh in, she doesn't have to and he was sick of everyone pushing her.
Howard spent a little time talking to Anna about what happened between her and Benjy. She said she finds Benjy cute but she wasn't able to go out with him again because she was busy on the day that he was going to go visit her in L.A. Howard said he thinks that her lawyer, Howard K., C-blocked him and didn't want him getting her.
Howard learned that Anna's assistant was kind of hot for her too. She said she wouldn't mind having sex with her but Anna didn't seem to believe it. She just brushed it aside like she does with Howard K. Stern.
Howard got back to the weight issue and said that he guessed that she was 300 pounds while Robin guessed 287 pounds. Others were in that general range also. Anna later claimed that she weighs 230 pounds but most of the guys found that hard to believe.
Crazy Cabbie showed up late in the interview to tell Anna about Trim Spa diet pills. He has been using them for quite some time now and lost over 100 pounds. He came in to let her know that he lost the weight and if she wanted to do the same, she could try it. She took the name but she told Howard a little later she doesn't think she's fat. She said she doesn't have rolls of fat on her stomach... but Howard told her she does. They argued about that for a while.
Howard took some phone calls and let Benjy ask her out. She agreed to go out on a date this Saturday. Benjy drew up a contract on a piece of paper that she was willing to sign. She did put in that it might be on Sunday though. She really does seem to like the guy.
Howard wrapped up the interview after almost an hour long interview. Anna wasn't too happy with Howard ''dogging her'' before the interview but she said she'll still come back and do the show.
Howard spent some more time talking about Anna after she left. Gary told him that she was really upset about the whole thing. Howard said he really does like Anna but she thinks he dislikes her. He took a few more phone calls and had Artie do his impression of Anna. He does it so well that Howard is thinking of dressing him up like her and shooting some stuff for the E! show.
Howard got sidetracked for a few minutes and ended up yelling about Les Moonves from CBS about working with him on a TV show he wanted to do with CBS. He did that for a while and then goofed on Doug Goodstein because he was too distraught to work yesterday. He was still bothered by the images he remembers from ground zero. He went down there last year and helped out and some of the stuff he saw was bothering him for the past few weeks. He said now that the hump of 9/11 has passed he's okay and came in to work today. Howard and the guys goofed on him a little bit about that but he took it pretty well and said ''F-you'' to Howard when he left the studio.
Howard mentioned some of the stuff that Henry is famous for including the Lufthansa heist which Henry says was the most successful heist ever. Howard said he saw some movie about that heist and they made it seem like Henry slept with a guy afterward. Henry said he banged a chick with another guy but he didn't do the guy.
Howard asked Henry when he last drank Alcohol. He said the last time he was in New York was the last time he drank. He couldn't come in this morning because he was afraid of blowing his parole.
Howard quickly mentioned Henry's cook book and then took a call from a guy that was in prison with Henry many years ago. This guy Paul said hello to Henry and told Howard what he was in jail for back then. Howard spent a few minutes talking to that guy finding out about the scams they used to run and how they got caught. Paul also said that Henry is taking credit for some of the stuff he did and he's making a movie out of it. Paul said he's also working on a movie about this stuff and he wants Henry to tell the truth from now on. Paul said that Henry has been lying and even during the interview he was laying about being gay. Paul claims that he was the guy in the threesome and he ended up in Henry's mouth during that encounter. Paul went on to make other claims about what Henry has done over the years and it turned pretty nasty. At first it sounded like Paul was going to be nice to Henry but he wound up burying him and telling Howard all kinds of stuff about him. He made Henry sound like a liar and a homosexual.
Howard took a bunch more phone calls and wrapped up the interview a short time later. There were a lot of people who seemed to be happy that someone was saying that Henry was gay.
Stuttering John said that he wanted to call in to Cane and Cabbie's show to ask Eddie Vedder why he's never done Howard's show but he wasn't allowed to. By this time they had tapes from the Cane and Cabbie interview with Pearl Jam. In the first clip Cane asked the band about their political stance and they can barely speak. Cabbie then joins in and rambles on about something that no one cared about so Cane interrupts him. Howard breaks in and said ''Poor Cane...'' Howard, Artie and Fred then goofed on Eddie and Cabbie for a short time. Howard thought Cabbie's thing was so funny that he had to replay the tape.
Howard had Jon give his list of top ten bad moments in music history before he wrapped up the segment. John quickly went through the top ten list and number one was Milli Vanilli performing live. Number two was KISS taking off it's makeup which Howard thought should be number one.
Howard took a call about the upcoming ''It's Just Wrong'' game next week. Earlier this week they played the game where couples compete against each other and end up stripping down. Howard said next week the couples will be only brother and sister couples. He said that's really just wrong. He said the grand prize will be $10,000!
Howard mentioned what he had planned for Bernie Kopell who was the doctor on ''The Love Boat.'' Howard said he was going to take the questions that Cane and Cabbie asked Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam earlier this week and use them for his interview with Bernie. He rehearsed it for a little while but Bernie didn't call in when he was supposed to. One listener got pissed that Howard was still talking about the Cane and Cabbie thing so Howard said he should just stick with it because it would be good.
Bernie called in about 25 minutes late. Howard's first question was one of the Cane and Cabbie questions and it was about what he's thinking about these days. Bernie said he wasn't worried all that much, he's just dealing with his 2 year old child. He's 69 years old. Howard continued to ask Bernie the questions that Cane and Cabbie asked Eddie Vedder and Bernie answered them like they were normal questions. Bernie did seem to skirt around the actual questions Howard was asking and he had plenty to say. Howard even threw in the questions that Cane and Cabbie took from some e-mails they got. They had nothing to do with Bernie but he still answered them. Bernie kept getting back to his kids and would talk about them until Howard would interrupt him. Bernie was taking it all pretty well even though the questions seemed to confuse him a little bit. Howard gave Bernie a plug for a movie called ''Blood Head'' which is coming this fall. Bernie also mentioned some resort called Festiva and gave a phone number for it 1-877-8FUNFUN.
After getting off the phone Howard said he felt bad goofing on the guy like that. He seemed to be a fan of Howard's and the questions threw him off. Howard said he wished he could interview the guy again to do a real interview. At one point Bernie mentioned that his best friend is Grant Tinker which Howard just blew off at the time. He said he'd like to talk to him about that stuff. Stuttering John came in and said that he thinks it's funnier just to leave it the way they left it and not interview him again.
One woman called in and said that Howard is just jealous about Cane and Cabbie's interview with Pearl Jam. Howard said he actually feels sorry for Cane and Cabbie because they were restrained from asking the band certain questions and they had to treat Eddie Vedder like he was the President or something.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about this teacher who recently got jail time for having sex with her 15 year old student. Howard said he thinks she did the kid a favor and the kid is probably thrilled. He said he wished one of his teachers would have done that to him when he was in school because he would have had more confidence in himself. Robin seemed to think he was nuts and this is just wrong for a teacher to do.
Howard and Wesley spent a few minutes discussing the movie and what that's all about. Wesley said he and Ving Rhames play boxers in the film. He said the whole movie was shot in 39 days. Howard said he had to do that to get back to the chicks. Howard asked him if he enjoys working on movies because everything is done for you and stuff like that. Wesley said that Howard knows what it's like, he shot ''Private Parts'' a few years ago. Howard said he's forgotten about it because it's been so long.
Howard brought up some story about Wesley not paying his taxes. Wesley told Howard that he's paid all of the taxes he's supposed to pay. His accountant took care of all of that stuff so if anyone is going to get in trouble for something like that, it will be him.
Howard told Wesley that it seems that he has a really great life and brought up how he must be banging all kinds of women. Wesley doesn't seem to like to talk about stuff like that though. Howard then got back to the taxes thing. Howard told Wesley that even if his accountant did his taxes, he still signed them and sent them in so he's responsible. He didn't seem to be aware of that fact.
Robin told Wesley that he should stick to doing action movies because when he tries to play softer, more sensitive parts, it doesn't work. She cackled and giggled as she told him this. Artie said he's good in comedy movies too though. Robin agreed with him and they mentioned ''Major League'' and a couple of others that he was good in.
Howard asked Wesley about Woody Harrelson and how he agrees with George Michaels about what he thinks about the war on terrorism being too much. Howard wanted Wesley to give Woody a message and went on to tell him his views on the terrorists. Wesley said he thinks we just need to go after ''the right people.'' Robin asked him if the people in the World Trade Center were the ''right people'' for the terrorists to get. She said that they don't care about getting the ''right people'' so we shouldn't either.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had nothing to say other than the fact that he was from Orlando, Florida and he thought Wesley was from there too. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy though.
Howard got back to Wesley's sex life and tried to find out about his relationship with Halle Berry. Howard wondered what the turn-off was with her and why he walked away. Wesley joked around and didn't answer the question. Howard figures she must have been one big pain in the ass for him to have left her.
Gary came in and said that Wesley owns a security company and has a 200 acre training camp for them. Wesley said that's old news and spent a short time talking about why he has it and what he does with it.
Howard brought up a recent appearance Wesley made on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. At one point he accidentally called him ''Dave'' and Howard seemed to think that was pretty funny. Wesley said it was just a minor lapse of memory. Howard said he sometimes worries about being around Linda Lopez, Jennifer's sister, and accidentally calling her ''Jennifer'' but that hasn't happened yet. He then tried to get Wesley to talk about dating Jennifer Lopez, who he was calling ''Blopez'' for some reason. Wesley kept his mouth shut.
Howard took another phone call and the guy brought up the Angie Everhart story that Howard spoke of earlier in the week. The caller then told Howard that he read in ''Black Tail'' magazine that Star Jones claims that Wesley was the best at giving oral. He was joking of course. Howard never got around to telling Wesley about what Angie Everhart said about him. He got sidetracked and had to end the interview after about 20 minutes.
Howard got back to Tommy and asked what he's been doing. Tommy said he just got off the Ozzfest after a few months of that. He said he was also offered the chance to tour with Aerosmith starting in December. He said it's nice to be home and sleep in his own bed for a while though. Tommy told Howard that Mayte dances in his show at one point. Howard said that Rob Zombie does that with his girlfriend also. Howard talked about how Rob Zombie was supposed to get married but he sent out a hand written note telling Howard to forget about that note. Howard said he heard Tommy is also engaged. He said that's true. He's been dating Mayte for over a year so he seems to think that's about the time to get married.
Tommy said he shot a reality based TV show like The Osbournes while he was on the road. He said when it started out he'd get aggravated with the camera crews but as time went by he forgot that they were there. Then he realized that he said some stuff about people, like Pamela Anderson, that he doesn't want shown on TV. Tommy said one morning he woke up and walked around in his underwear when he noticed a camera guy lurking around in his room. The guy said he was told to get some shots of him in the morning. Meanwhile, Tommy is walking around with a morning stiffie. Tommy said he decided to go with a one hour special instead of a series that drags on for weeks. The show, ''Tommy Lee: The Naked Truth'', airs on VH-1 tonight at 11pm. Tommy said that they got some good shots of Mayte in the show.
Howard wrapped up the interview after giving Tommy a couple of plugs for the show. He went on to say that it should be good as long as Tommy tells the truth during the show. Robin said that's what's wrong with the Anna Nicole Smith show. She said that they're making up too much stuff on the show now and she's losing interest.
During the interview Ringo just wanted to get some plugs in for his album but Vinnie Favale kept asking dumb questions and inserting his own answers like he knew more than Ringo knows about himself. Ringo actually said he doesn't hate anyone but he was quickly learning how to the more Vinnie spoke.
Howard brought in another big fan of The Beatles, Andre. Andre is the guy who hits the delay button on Howard when he says something that might be considered ''dirty'' by the FCC. Howard was going to have a trivia contest between them but after a couple of questions Ringo was done with it. He just came in to promote his album and that's all he wanted to do. Howard kicked Andre out of the studio and wrapped up the interview a short time later. You can find out more about Ringo and his tour at RingoTour.com
Howard returned live today after Howard was out recovering from oral surgery. He said he's not sure how long he can do the show today because he's still in pain. He told a quick story about going to the dentist on Friday. They looked over the tooth they were going to do a root canal on. They X-rayed the teeth they were going to work on and found that there was a problem. He ended up having 4 hours of surgery with 3 doctors working on him. Howard said he was out for 2 days because he wasn't able to talk. The roof of his mouth is like hamburger meat and he just couldn't talk. He said he got a lot of e-mail about that and people were complaining about him not being there. He said he had something called ''Internal Root resorption.'' He's not even sure what that means but it was on his front teeth, not on the rear. Howard said they think he might have gotten it after having a severe blow to his teeth when he was younger.
Howard was trying to tell the story but his microphone was making weird noises like it was last week and it was driving him nuts. Howard asked Scott the Engineer to come in and tell him why it wasn't fixed. Scott said they fixed it last week and no one touched it since then. Scott said that Richie (Herbie) did the adjustment and it should have been fixed. Howard was pissed at Scott and not about his teeth at that point. He kicked him out a short time later and said he made him sick. Howard was ready to go home at that point.
Howard got back to his story and talked about how when he was 16 years old he had a glass door slammed in his face and ended up hurting his front teeth. That may have been the reason for this internal root resorption. The doctors told Howard that he may lose his front teeth because of this issue. He told them that he takes really good care of his teeth and couldn't believe that this was going on. The care has nothing to do with the problem he has though. He got back to the surgery story and said that they shot him up with novocaine and ended up doing 2 root canals at the same time. That took a couple of hours. Then an oral surgeon came in and did an APICO operation where they went in through the FRONT of his gums. They had to stitch him back up so he showed the guys his stitches. He was okay with the operation even though it took 4 hours. He had Doctors Fischman, Rastagar and Kauffman working on him. They thought that Howard was going to be able to do his show on Monday but then they realized that he talks for a living and it was going to be rough.
Howard thinks that he's going to lose at least one tooth and the other one keeps moving and hitting his other teeth which makes it hurt. Howard was on Vicodin over the weekend and it helped with the pain but now he's off of that. He really wanted to do the show on Monday because they had Ozzy Osbourne and Vanessa Williams scheduled to do the show. Ozzy and Vanessa are supposed to come in today instead though. Howard said he was ready to kill himself after all of the surgery. He was thankful that he did it on a Friday but he ended up in bed for 4 days because of it. He said he learned something just laying there in bed. He watched a lot of TV and read some books. The one thing he learned is that Gwen Stefani is really hot. She lost a few pounds and she looked really good to him. Artie said that he doesn't get that and doesn't think she's all that hot. Howard saw her on Saturday Night Live and he was really turned on by her.
Howard also brought up Pat O'Brien who hosts ''The Insider'' and how he checked himself into rehab over the weekend. Howard learned a lot about that story when he was visiting some web sites. Pat apparently likes to talk dirty to women on the phone and there's some dude who has some of his calls to listen to on the web. Howard said he seems to be a bit of a perv from what he's heard. In the paper today they say there's a picture of Pat O'Brien pleasureing himself out there that some woman's husband took of the guy because he's such a perv. Howard told Robin she has to hear the tapes of O'Brien talking to a woman because he's really graphic. Howard brought up some of the stuff he heard and it sounds pretty wild. Howard said the guy left it on this woman's answering machine and that's the dumbest thing you can do if you're famous.
Howard said he wrote a new bit for when they move to Sirius. He's calling it ''Gay Ass Pirates.'' He didn't give the details but he said they'll only be able to do it over there. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and asked Howard if he saw Gwen Stefani on Letterman because she looked really good on that show. Howard hadn't seen it so Vinnie said he's send over the tape. Vinnie also asked Howard if he could play the Pat O'Brien clips because they're really creepy. Howard can't play them but he can play Vinnie's creepy love tapes that they've played on the show before. Fred played the clips where Vinnie talks about his ''crucial head'' and stuff like that. Howard told Vinnie that David Letterman (Evil Dave) would be calling in today. Vinnie heard that and said he had to get going.
Howard said that Tom expects Howard to read live commercials today but Howard told him he's not going to do it. Tom came in and told him that he has to do some, if not all. Tom told Howard it sounds like he can talk so he's got to do some. Howard told Tom that he's not going to do any and if he doesn't like it, fire him. The two argued about that for a short time and Howard said that if Tom wants, he'll just go home. He said he just came in out of loyalty and they're lucky he's there at all. Every word he speaks is painful. He thought about coming in on Monday but he would have just groaned through the whole show. Tom said that looking at Howard today he can tell that Monday would have been pretty tough for him. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard wondered why Robin didn't call him this week to find out how he was doing. She knew that he was recovering and probably didn't want to talk so she didn't bother. She said if he was out again today she would have called. Howard brought up Beth's photo shoot and how she took a nude shot down in Florida. She gave Howard the pictures to bring into work today. He showed the guys some of the pictures and said that he could put them up on his site as long as they promote the photographer. The photo shoot was for FHM but that magazine doesn't print nude pictures so they won't make it into the magazine. Fred and Artie checked them out and thought Beth looked really good. That led to Howard talking about how much he missed Beth while she was away. She came back on Friday but he wasn't able to have sex with her because Dr. Kauffman warned him not to do anything too strenuous. Howard had plans to go out on Friday night because he had no idea what he was in for after the surgery.
Howard said he was in bed with Beth and she was showing him the pictures from the photo shoot. He ended up having sex even though he wasn't supposed to. He said he ended up having more sex than he's ever had in his life over the weekend. He had to satisfy Beth. While he was talking about that the delay was hit at least one time. Howard said he had to cancel everything else he had planned over the weekend.
Howard asked Robin about the story that was in the news over the weekend about her TV show. Cindy Adams wrote something about Robin's show not getting clearances in ''the Red states'' for some reason. Robin said that she's going ahead with her show and she doesn't know what Cindy is talking about. Howard said that Tyra Banks is trying to get in on the talk show thing as well so she'll kind of be competing with Robin.
Howard mentioned that Ozzy would be coming in later. Vanessa Williams will also be in so the guys were talking about how they were looking forward to seeing her. That eventually led to Howard talking about another guest they have coming in. She's on a web site where they have this chick blindfolded and having sex with guys they pull in from the street. Howard said the guys are nasty looking and ugly but the chick is really into it for some reason. He said the chick is hot and he's looking forward to talking to her later on. He had to take another break a short time later.
There were a couple of delay hits while Taryn was talking about what she does. Gary had to tell a story about Taryn having to beat some dude up after he spit on her during a filming. The guy who runs the site said that she had spit on him to lube him up and then he spit on her thinking that's what she wanted. Howard moved on and said that they're holding a contest on the site where you can win the chance to have sex with Taryn, or one of the other hot chicks they have on the site. Howard said the guys on the site all look like the guys in the studio. You can check out the site at ALuckyStranger.com. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Taryn and found out that the guys she's with aren't tested for anything but they do use condoms. There were a lot of delay hits during the conversations because Taryn didn't know what she couldn't say on the air. Howard excused her and said that she did just get off of blow a few days ago.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that they should blindfold her and let guys do stuff to Taryn. J.D. was mentioned so he came walking in before they even blindfolded her. The guy who runs the site said that they could shoot stuff today because they had the cameras there. Richard Christy's name was brought up as well so they had Taryn blindfold herself so they could have him come in. Richard came in and asked Taryn how his voice sounded to her. She thought it was okay and said he sounded like he could be cute. Richard went over to hear and touched her while she sat there blindfolded. She was feeling his arm as he was doing that. Howard told her that Richard was a really hot guy. He also asked her to pull up her shirt so Richard could touch her. Richard got to feel her up a bit before Howard let her take the blindfold off. She took it off and said that Richard wasn't that bad. Howard gave Taryn another plug for the web site and that someone can win the chance to have sex with one of the girls.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that offering sex interstate as a prize or a gift because it's a federal crime. He said that they're violating a couple of federal statutes and he promises that they're breaking the law. The guy who runs the site says that it becomes a porn movie so the people are not just being paid for sex. Dominic and the guy argued about whether or not it's legal for a few minutes. Dominic said that selling the chance to win sex is illegal and the minimum sentence is 5 years in prison. The guy who runs the site says that they don't make people pay for the chance to win and they've dealt with these issues before. The guy says that they have gotten around that and they haven't had a problem with it before. Dominck said he thinks the site will be shut down within 2 weeks and the guy will probably go to jail because of it. Taryn said that there's a site called MidnightProwl.com where they do something very similar. She tried to explain what they do but the guys cut her off and someone made a snoring sound as it was happening. Jason came in and told Howard that he was on the site last night and it's an option to get put into this raffle. Dominic said that doesn't matter and he was just trying to warn them what might happen to them.
Howard wrapped up after that and said he's not sure if the whole thing is legal or not. He just wanted to find out more about the site. He gave them another plug for the web site ALuckyStranger.com and asked Taryn if she makes good money. She said she does make some good money and the guy who runs the site said that he pays out a lot to the girls so they are making a good living. Howard said that they put a picture of Richard feeling up this girl on HowardStern.com for those of you who want to see what she looks like. Howard had to take another break after that.
Vanessa told Howard that she doesn't have a love life these days because she's divorced and has her kids. She said that she got a phone call from her husband, Rick Fox, last year saying that he didn't think he was the marrying type of guy and they ended up splitting. Artie said all you have to do is hear that a guy is in the NBA and you know he's not the marrying type. She said she did have sex with the guy around Christmas though. She said she hadn't gotten any since August so she had needs and gave it up to him. Howard wondered how he got back into her pants. Vanessa said she was kind of horny and it didn't take much. Robin said the guy is pretty hot too so that didn't hurt. Vanessa said it was a mutual thing and they didn't even talk about it much. She said she's still in love with the guy because he was her husband. They're still in the process of getting the divorce so it's not final yet. Howard told her she should have called him to give it to her if she was that horny. He would have helped her out. Vanessa hasn't had it since that Christmas Eve night. Howard told her she needs one of those Pocket Rocket vibrators.
Vanessa told Howard about this movie she's in called ''My Brother'' where she plays a mother suffering from Tuberculosis. She was explaining the movie to Howard but Fred was playing some sad piano music as she was talking about it. Howard also couldn't get over the fact that Vanessa has only had sex once in the past 8 months. He was having trouble getting past that subject. He was also wondering how her kids are reacting to the divorce. Vanessa said that her 11 year old son is devastated because he idolized the guy.
Howard read some information about Vanessa's very successful singing career and about the tough life she's had. Howard gave her a plug for her new album ''Everlasting Love'' which is out now. He took some phone calls for Vanessa after that. One guy told Vanessa what a great person she is. Howard noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra today, she was wearing a halter top. She told Howard that she's been a fan of his for a long time now and it's amazing how people freaked out when she told them she was going on his show. Howard asked Vanessa about her other relationships and said that maybe she's just hard to live with. Vanessa said the next guy she goes out with has to be able to handle four kids since that's what she's got. Artie said he could do that as long as he can sit by the pool once in a while. Another phone caller got through and asked Vanessa what kind of underwear she was wearing. She said she had a g-string on and it was a ''Cosabella orange mesh'' g-string. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that she's a real MILF and wondered if she dates just famous guys or if she'd date a regular guy. Artie told him that she likes ''anti-semitic unknowns'' like him. Another guy said he was at Vanessa's house for her daughter's birthday party. He said she actually yelled at that but later apologized because her assistant had given them the wrong time to show up.
Howard played a couple of songs that he said were Vanessa's new stuff but they were just goofy songs that they've played on the show from Mariann from Brooklyn and a Playboy model. Howard then played a little bit of one of Vanessa's real songs from ''Everlasting Love.'' Vanessa told Howard that the song he was playing is the song that she sang on ''The Bachelorette.'' Sean the White Rapper asked Vanessa if she would date Howard if he was single. Vanesssa said she would date him because she likes him. Howard told her that he would put on some of her music and do her to that. He played another one of her songs while Fred played some porn sound clips in the background. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later. He gave her another plug for her album and for her web site VanessaWilliamsMusic.com before going to commercial break.
Howard told Sharon the reason he thinks Ozzy should leave her. He said he's a huge supporter of Ozzy's, not like the Johnny-come-lately Jay Leno who probably doesn't even watch their show. Howard said he worships Ozzy but he's been watching their show on MTV and Sharon doesn't seem to listen to Ozzy. She goes out shopping like crazy and he would have to throw her out of the house if it was his wife. He said that Kelly and Sharon go out shopping and come home with all kinds of clothes and you can see the pain on Ozzy's face when he sees that stuff. Ozzy said he's been trying for years to stop them but he's given up. Sharon asked Howard if she should move out so he can move in with him. Howard said that Ozzy just wants to retire and he can't do that if they keep spending all of their money. Sharon said that Ozzy doesn't have to work if he doesn't want to. She says he has enough money to survive on and he doesn't have to work. Howard asked Sharon how many pairs of shoes she has. Sharon said she's not even sure. Ozzy said he thinks she's turned into a millipede because of the number of shoes she has. Howard said that Kelly also spends too much but Ozzy said it's her money and she's earned it. Howard thinks that they should have a financial guy come in and put a stop to their spending. Sharon wondered if all of this had to do with the surgery they did on his teeth. Howard said that Ozzy always thanks him for stuff like this after the show. Ozzy told Howard he's fine though.
Howard asked Ozzy and Sharon how often they have sex these days. Sharon said it's about 5 times a week but Ozzy said he wouldn't go that far. Sharon thinks that's about right though. Howard was saying that sometimes Ozzy seems kind of out of it on his TV show and he's just trying to look out for. Ozzy said there were times when he was out of it during the filming because it just go old pretty quick. They're all done with the TV show now though. The kids have moved out but they have a home to come back to if they need to.
Ozzy asked Howard what kind of surgery he had done on his mouth. Howard told him about the two root canals and the APICO surgery he had to try and save the teeth. Ozzy said that he had a couple of teeth replaced and it's a horrible thing. Howard told them that he'd been on Vicodin over the weekend so they figured that's why he was so angry this morning. Ozzy told Howard to go back to the dentist and head butt him and tell him that's what the pain is like. He's had some horribly painful dental things done to him and he's had a lot of pain himself.
Howard asked Sharon about her puking. She says that she still throws up her food these days because of the band she has on her stomach. Ozzy claims that she doesn't even have to stick her finger down her throat to make herself puke. She can just do it at will. Howard wanted to see her do it right there in the studio but Sharon refused. Howard wanted her to puke on the couch. Ozzy was making some puking sound effects for her but she was still refusing to do it. Howard asked her to go out on stage and open up for Ozzy by puking. Sharon wasn't expecting all of that stuff from Howard today.
Howard thought that Sharon spending $60,000 for a toilet (as seen on The Osbournes) was a little bit much. Sharon said the toilet was free and she didn't spend that kind of money on it. She said she never bought more toilets like she talked about doing on that show. Howard couldn't get past the vomiting thing. Fred was playing puking sound effects but Sharon wanted to talk about Ozzy's box set and move past that. Howard figures that Sharon pukes because she doesn't want to go back to being fat. Sharon said she has this band on her stomach and it won't allow you to eat all that much, no matter how hungry she is. Howard also asked Sharon about her breasts because he thought she had implants. Sharon said she actually had them lifted. Howard told her he'd do her really good if he had the chance. Sharon told him he'd do him with a brick right to the back of his head.
Howard mentioned that Ozzy recorded ''Mississippi Queen'' with Leslie West. Ozzy said that Leslie is a hero of his and he was a hero of Randy Rhodes as well. Zolar called in a short time later as Randy and told Sharon that the thing he misses most since he died is banging her. Sharon didn't think that was very cool though. Howard moved on to talk about Ozzy's box set. He's got a lot of his old stuff and some songs that he covered like ''All the Young Dudes,'' ''In My Life,'' and ''Working Class Hero.'' Howard was going to play them so Sharon was trying to rush him along. Howard wondered why she was so angry with him. She said she wasn't but asked him to just play the CDs. Ozzy was still making the vomiting sounds for Sharon. Ozzy was also telling Howard that his son Jack is banging everything in sight these days. He said he comes home sometimes and you hear his bed squeaking. Then he said you hear that puking sound after. Fred was having fun playing some more vomiting sounds as well. Howard went on to play Ozzy's cover of ''Mississippi Queen'' from his new box set ''Prince of Darkness.'' Howard loves that song and thought his version was good. He also played some of Ozzy's cover of ''All the Young Dudes.'' He told Ozzy that sounded good as well. Howard said that there are 4 CDs in the box set. Ozzy said that there are 39 songs. Artie said that's a CD he's going to go out and buy today.
Bobo called in and asked Howard to retell the story about going out to dinner with Ozzy at Nobu. Ozzy had gone to the bathroom and thought they were near the ocean because they had some white noise playing in the bathroom. Howard told the quick story and said that Ozzy came back and asked Sharon what ocean they were near because he heard the ocean. Ozzy even tried to look out the fake window they have in the bathroom. Howard had to explain to him that it was just a sound effect machine they had running in there.
Howard wondered if Ozzy and Sharon feel violated because they were robbed of about $3 million worth of jewelry. They talked a little bit about that and about how Jack was also ripped off when he went on a Virgin Airlines flight. Ozzy and Sharon are heading back to England to spend about 6 weeks over there. Ralph called in after that and asked Howard to play Ozzy's ''Mr. Crowley.'' Howard had a little trouble finding it so Ozzy sang one line for them. Howard eventually found it and played the song. Howard started to wrap up the interview after that. Sharon was telling Ozzy that she wanted his ''Willie'' right then. Howard said that's nice and then broke the news to Ozzy that ''Willie'' is code for his credit card. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard said that they have an inner office competition coming up tomorrow. They got $5,000 from the TV show ''The Office'' and were told they could hold a competition for the people who work there so that's what they'll be doing tomorrow. He said that anyone that works in the office can enter. Gary brought in some of the guys who were willing to compete in the contest. Scott DePace came in and said that he was going to probably pass on it because it was probably going to be tough. Howard was going to announce what it was. Benjy, J.D., Jason, Richard Christy, Isaac, Will, Sal the Stockbroker and Dan the Song Parody Man all came in to hear what it was. Howard said that everyone had to dress up like a woman and whoever looked like the sexiest girl would win. DePace immediately said he was out. He didn't want to be on TV dressed up like a chick. Howard said goodbye to him and let him go. Dan the Song Parody Man said that Sal had an unfair advantage because he already knows how to use makeup. Sal wasn't going to do it because he can't shave his goatee. Dan said he might be in because even with his beard he might have a chance. Isaac said he'd probably be in it. Gary said he couldn't wait to judge Sal. Will Murray said he was in and some of the guys think he has a good chance of winning. Howard told the guys they could get a tranny to help them out or something like that. Richard Christy was taking his hair down and Howard said he did kind of look like Jillian Grace. Jason was already thinking about how he was going to go about doing this. J.D. Said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be part of it or not. Scott the Engineer was invited to participate as well. Howard gave a plug for ''The Office'' which airs tomorrow night after ''The Apprentice.'' Scott the Engineer came in and said he may join in all of the fun because he's done it before in Howard's book ''Miss America.''
Howard had Robin start her news after the contest announcement. For those of you who like to know what movies Howard likes... During the news Howard quickly mentioned that he finally saw ''Alien vs. Predator'' and he thought it was great. Robin thought he'd seen it when it was out in theaters but he claims he didn't. He also told Robin about an independent film that he enjoyed called ''Off the Map.'' He wrapped up the show a short time later, it was about 10:40am.
Howard sounded like he was in better spirits this morning compared to yesterday. He said they had a very busy show today and mentioned ''The Office'' contest they were holding today. They have about 10 guys who are taking part in the contest where they have to dress up as women and compete in a beauty pageant. The winner gets $5,000. Howard said that Doug Goodstein told him that he's had some weird conversations with some of the guys. Jason apparently had a discussion about having his whole body waxed. Gary came in and said that J.D. is a weird dude. He didn't prepare for the competition at all so Gary asked him why. J.D. Thought it was a lot of work but it is for $5,000. Gary told him it's got to be a lot of work, no one is just going to hand him five grand. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard about some of the weird stuff that happened yesterday. He said that he talked to Will about getting some fake boobs. Sal talked to him about getting fishnet stockings and he suggested that he try them out. Richard Christy asked about where he could find lingerie and a dress.
Gary said he walked past the green room and saw video of Richard Christy shaving his whole body in his bath tub. Howard said it was really disturbing tape and it looked a little too natural for him. He thinks it's going to make for a great E! show though. Gary told Howard that Will is out answering the phone with the bottom half of his body as a man and his face as a woman. He said he looks a bit like Joan Rivers though. Doug said that Jason had his body waxed and his eyebrows plucked as well. Gary and Doug seemed kind of disturbed by the whole thing. Benjy told Doug that he was thinking about getting dressed as a black woman but black women don't win beauty pageants and especially on Howard's show. Doug told Howard that Isaac is one of the most high maintenance girls there. He had Doug's wife Marlo helping him out. Howard said he's going to be busting balls during this whole thing.
Cabbie said he came up with a symbol to sign his art instead of signing his name to them. Howard said that he wouldn't put his name on them either. Tom came in and asked about the hand prints that were on the art pieces. Cabbie said that they don't really stand for anything. Robin said that her piece had a piece of plastic stuck to it as if it were a crown. Cabbie let them all know that his DNA is in every piece of artwork. Robin was ready to throw hers out after hearing that. Howard said he'd hang his picture in the studio if it would help keep Cabbie straight. Cabbie said he's got 75 days clean now. He's continued to paint since getting out of rehab. Howard told him to take some painting classes and then paint him something because this smeared paint on a canvas is garbage. Artie told him to paint a house if he wants to paint. Howard told Cabbie that he's got to be putting him on and this whole art thing is a joke. Cabbie took offense to that and got kind of upset with him. He called Howard a dick for throwing out his art if that's what he's going to do. He said he could have just given it back to him. Howard said that he can do with his artwork what he pleases. Cabbie was getting pissed so Gary asked Ronnie to come to the door. Cabbie said that Howard had crossed the line with this stuff and he was taking this really seriously.
Ronnie the Limo Driver (and security guard) came in to keep an eye on Cabbie. Robin caught a glimpse of Artie's artwork and seemed a little startled by it. Artie said that the name of his piece is ''Gunshot poop.'' Tom Chiusano's was ''Finger me please.'' Cabbie asked Howard to apologize to him but Howard wasn't going to do that. Howard told him that he took the easy way out with this art and he shouldn't have given them something that he only put 3 minutes of thought into. Cabbie said that was really insulting to him and he was being very condescending to him. Howard threw his painting in the trash again after that. Howard told him he's looking forward to when he takes painting seriously and actually paints him something nice. Howard told Cabbie he was going to name his piece for him and call it ''In the Trash'' since that's where it was.
Cabbie said that he has his sentencing tomorrow for the tax evasion case. Cabbie said he can get up to three years in prison. He's taking it one day at a time. Howard said that's really serious and he should be worried about that. Cabbie said he doesn't worry about that stuff today. Ronnie asked Cabbie if he wanted to go to the car show with him tomorrow night but it's possible that he'll be in jail at that point. Cabbie plans on going to see Queens of the Stone Age tomorrow night so he can't go to the car show. Howard figures that they won't give Cabbie the full 3 years, they'll probably take it easy on him. Gary asked if they could have a Scores party for Cabbie if they don't lock him up immediately. Cabbie isn't a big fan of strip clubs. He said when he sees a naked woman, he wants to take them home and have sex with them. He prefers not to give his money to naked women either.
Howard asked Tom what will happen if Cabbie goes to prison tomorrow. He wondered if Tom will help Cabbie out with his personal affairs if that happens. Tom said that he will have to find a replacement for Cabbie immediately. Howard told Cabbie that he adores him and he's a good guy who has become his friend. He hopes that he doesn't go to prison but with his personality, he's not sure the judge will let him off easy. Howard asked him if he painted something for the judge. Cabbie said he hadn't so Howard told him that was a good thing and that he shouldn't give him anything. Howard asked Tom if he thinks Cabbie is really a changed man or if he will go back to his old ways. Tom said he hopes that Cabbie has hit the bottom already and that he'll raise himself from that. Cabbie said that it really was the bottom and it's death past that. Cabbie claims that he had a gun to his head, literally, and it was pretty bad. Cabbie asked Howard to write him a letter to give to the judge but Howard refused to do it.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Cabbie may not have to go to prison tomorrow. They'll probably give him a date when he has to show up to a certain facility. The judge will also not be going by how Cabbie is doing today. It all depends on what Cabbie was doing back when the crime was committed. Howard changed subjects and said that people were pissed when Dominic called in yesterday to talk about whether or not the web site ALuckyStranger.com they were promoting was legal or not. Some lawyers said that Dominic was wrong about what he was saying and the site is perfectly legal. Dominic stuck by his story and said that he got a copy of the law and he believes he was right. Dominic got back to Cabbie's case and talked about how they're going to decide on Cabbie's sentence. He's thinking that it's a good thing that Howard didn't write a letter for him because then it would become a celebrity case and he doesn't want that. Dominic told Cabbie that he wished him luck and that he'd do a little prayer for him.
Howard was going to take a break and told Cabbie that he might hang that painting of his up in the studio. Cabbie told Howard to go see Queens of the Stone Age and to buy their new album ''Lullabies to Paralyze.'' Howard also asked Tom about the rumors that their station was going to change formats once Howard leaves in January. Tom said they don't have a plan at this point and it's much too early to speculate on what the station will do when Howard leaves. Tom said there is no plan afoot to do what Howard read. Sean the White Rapper called in as a cop who arrested Cabbie and banged his girlfriend but Howard knew it was him. He wrapped up with Cabbie and took a commercial break.
Howard said that Beth has become the national spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League and she did a shoot with their dog Bianca Romijn-Stamos and it will be out on the newsstands next week. The magazine is called New York Dog. Gary saw the picture and said that Beth looks ''phenomenal.'' Robin said the dog looks like a mess in the picture. She said that the dog is disturbing looking because it's so ugly.
Howard said there was some bad news to talk about... Russel Crowe's band, 30 Odd Foot of Grunt, has broken up. Robin said that she read that Keanu Reeves' band has also broken up. Howard spent a short time talking about that. Artie said that ''they are to music what Cabbie is to art.'' Howard read a quote from Crowe that didn't make a lot of sense so Fred played a clip of Leilei Sobieski reading her poem on The Tonight Show. Howard had to take another break a short time after that.
Howard changed subjects and asked Gary if he had taken his red pills earlier. Gary said he saw him take something but he's not sure what he took. Howard talked a little bit about his oral surgery and how amazing it is that those doctors know what to do. Howard mentioned their names again since they seemed to know what they were doing. He said that he had a friend who wanted to become a gynecologist because he didn't think through it when he was younger. Robin wondered why someone would want to be a dentist where they use a drill on someone's face every day. She seems to think that they enjoy hurting people and that's why they do that.
Gary said that they went to a steak house yesterday for lunch and Artie ended up paying. Robin got a lobster tail and it ended up costing $119! She only ate about half of the 24 ounce lobster. When the waitress came to take away the half Robin didn't eat, Gary, Richard Christy and Will all dug into it and ate it instead. Artie said there were six people there and he doesn't think that the lobster was that much. Artie said the bill came to about $340. He said he left about an $80 tip. Howard said that wasn't much and he'd probably leave a hundred. Gary said he went to dinner with Richard Simmons a few years ago and the bill was $150 and he tipped $150. Howard said that Richard has too much money anyway because of that crap he sells. Gary also talked about seeing Richard eat a bagel with cream cheese and an orange juice in the limo he picked him up in. Richard then pulled out his Deal-A-Meal planner and shuffled his cards around as if he was really using the thing.
Howard asked Gary how the new studio is coming along over at the new place. Gary told him that it's coming along nicely. Howard said that he's meeting with a dude next week so he'll know exactly what's going on. Gary said they're going to create a mock up of the studio first and Howard will be able to sit in there and see how it feels before they actually build the real studio. Howard said they were thinking about building a round table to work at but Howard doesn't want to stare at Fred and Artie all morning. He said he'd like to have a bedroom area where he could lay down and rest... and maybe lay down with a guest. Gary said he could have laid down with Vanessa Williams yesterday if they had that kind of set up. That led to the guys talking about what a great guest she was since she was so honest about the stuff they asked about. Howard said he knows that interview will come out in the Enquirer or something and he won't get credit for it. Howard brought up the Ozzy and Sharon interview as well since that was pretty interesting with Sharon talking about puking up her food and Ozzy making a puking sound as they were talking about it.
Howard got to the articles he wanted to read. There's apparently an investigation going on about Don Imus' cancer ranch. Howard said it's about time and talked about how Imus uses it as a personal getaway and has these cancer kids doing a lot of the work around the ranch. As Howard read the article they said that it's not actually an investigation and they hope to have things settled soon. Howard said that's too bad. Imus claims that he doesn't need a vacation spot because they have a home in Connecticut that they use. Howard said he demands a full investigation.
Howard read that Jennifer Lopez's new album isn't doing all that well. He didn't seem all that upset about it either. Robin brought up how Whitney Houston is in rehab again and how sad that is. Artie said it was kind of depressing to him as well but Howard found it kind of funny. Gary came in and told Howard that they're ready to start this contest. One of the judges is this transvestite Danna who was looking hot according to Gary. Big John from Scores was also there to judge. Howard had to take a break before starting the contest though.
Gary asked Danna when he breaks the news to guys about his condition. Danna said he met a guy over in Egypt and that guy ended up asking him to marry him because he didn't know he was a guy. At this point Danna was feeling Big JOhn's leg and John wasn't moving. John didn't mind. Howard asked to see Danna's ass after he heard that she wears a bikini. Danna refused to show them anything but he said he'd show Big John in the bathroom later. Danna went on to tell the rest of the story about the Egyptian guy who she met. She said she had to break the news to him and he never called her back after he found out. Danna was telling Big John what he'd do for him if they went out. At one point she said she likes to clean a man's house while wearing lingerie and heels. Artie said to Danna ''You do clean a man's house... YOURS!''
Howard asked Danna about this operation he wants and how much money she's got saved up. Danna said she has about $6,000 saved up right now but she needs $42,000. Howard was going to kick in $500. Gary told Howard that Danna has a problem with CBS so he had her tell that story. She said she and a friend sent in a tape to ''The Amazing Race'' and got a call back the next week to come out and meet with them. She never really finished the story though. Howard kicked in the $500 for her operation. Gary said that the chemistry between Big John and Danna was kind of scary. The two of them were getting along very well.
Howard let a phone caller through to call Big John a big homo for falling for a dude. The guy was also asking why Howard was giving her money to help with the operation. Howard moved on to the contest after that. He had Dan the Song Parody Man come in dressed as a woman. Big JOhn sounded kind of surprised when he saw ''Daniella.'' He was wearing a black dress and showing off his legs. Dan said that it took him most of the day yesterday to get ready and then about an hour this morning. Danna said that he though Dan looked like a 10 to him. Dan lifted up his dress at one point but Howard wasn't sure what he saw down there. Danna ended up giving Dan a score of 4 and Big John gave him a big Zero.
Next up was Will, or Willomena, who was wearing a mini-skirt. Big John told Danna to move over when he saw Will. The guys in the studio weren't sure how to react to him. Will took a few hours to get ready yesterday and a little while this morning. Howard told him he looked like a psychotic Joan Cusack. Danna gave Will a score of 8 and Big John gave him a 6. The guys were really uncomfortable with the whole thing. Artie was speechless after seeing Will. Gary found it weird because he sits around talking to him about the Jets and stuff. Will showed the guys his thong underwear and his hairless ass.
Jason, or Sloan, was up next. He was a little overweight according to Howard. Jason said he worked all day yesterday getting ready for this thing. He said he had people come in and instruct him on how to walk and stuff like that. He demonstrated the walk and flipped his hair as he looked at Gary. Danna said that he should have worn something a little more sexy but the face looked good. Danna gave him a score of 5. Big John gave him a 2.
Sal the Stockbroker came in next. Sal got a lot of laughs when he took a tumble as he walked in the studio. Sal was having some trouble walking in heels. Sal, in a feminine voice, said it was worth it. Howard asked Danna for a score but Sal had pulled down his underwear and distracted everyone. Danna gave him a 1. Big JOhn gave him a 7.
Howard had the next person, Isaac, come in after that. Isaac showed off his ass and talked about how he didn't get any sleep last night because he was getting ready. He had a lot of help getting ready. He hadn't shaved his ass quite enough so Gary pointed that out. Danna said she liked Isaac's walk and gave him a 7. Big John gave him a 2. Gary said he didn't like his hair for some reason. It didn't flatter him at all.
Richard Christy came in next. Big John said he quit when he saw Richard walk in. He went through a lot and shaved his legs for the competition. Danna said that he got a score of 6. Big JOhn gave him a 2 and asked to move on to the next one. Richard said he was willing to make out with the judges for a good score but no one was interested.
Finally, Benjy came in looking like Monica Lewinsky according to Gary. Benjy, who called himself ''Ben-she,'' was sweet talking Howard and flirting with him. He gave some plugs for the makeup and clothes he was wearing. Danna said he liked her and the clothes were all matching so she gave her a 7. Big John gave her a 3.
Gary said that Willomena won the contest and Benshe came in a close second. Howard awarded Will the $5,000 courtesy of the show ''The Office'' which airs tonight. Benshe ran out crying and Sal was pissed that he got dressed up for nothing. Howard thanked Big John and Danna for coming in. He went to commercial a short time later.
Howard had some audio of Patricia Heaton from ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' talking about the Terri Schiavo case. She was talking about how she would never pull a feeding tube from her son if she was in that situation. Howard said that this kind of thing goes on every day but the only reason we're hearing about it is because the family and the husband of Terri brought their battle to court. Heaton was rambling on and on so Howard cut off the tape and moved on to some Dr. Phil tape.
Howard said that this segment aired during the afternoon on Dr. Phil's show so he should be able to play it on his show. Dr. Phil advised people to take their kids out of the room because it wasn't for small kids. They then played a bunch of clips where people were talking about sexual subjects. They were talking about masturbation, vaginal dryness and other things. Howard thought that it should have been okay to air it but the delay button was hit at least one time. Howard said that the Dr. Phil stuff was played at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when kids are around. He has no problem with that but he's pretty sure that if he played it, the FCC would fine him. Tom Chiusano came in and said that they had to hit the delay on the last two things they talked about in the segment. He felt it went on a bit too long and he's pretty sure the FCC would fine them over that. Tom said there's obviously a double standard there, there's no question about that. Howard also went off on TV Guide for giving a ''cheers '' to the FCC for allowing us to watch Steven Spielberg's ''Saving Private Ryan.'' Howard said that they're buying into that whole thing by giving them a cheers.
Howard said that he had to thank the movie ''Sin City'' for giving them some money that they used to pay the losers in the He/She contest earlier in the show. The movie opens April 1st. Benjy was still dressed as a woman and pretending to be upset.
Ant says that Daniel Baldwin tongue kissed him while they were working on the show ''Celebrity Fit Club.'' Ant says that Daniel claims to be straight but he's the one who kissed him and asked him to go out to a gay club. Ant talked a little bit more about the show and how Joey G ended up gaining weight. Howard read that Ant had to quit the show ''Last Comic Standing'' because he feared for his life. Ant said that Corey Holcolm called him a ''gump faggot'' and he ended up quitting after that. He said they never showed that on the show. Ant said that Gary Gulman beat the crap out of Jay Mohr on the show and they didn't even kick him off the show. He was also saying that Jay slept with ''the stripper comedian'' and cheated on his wife. Then Jay's wife heard about it, called the woman and also slept with her. Now Jay and his wife are apparently getting divorced. Ant was also telling Howard about some of the other weird things that Jay Mohr did on the show and how much he dislikes him. Howard gave Ant a plug for his comedy CD ''Follow My Ass'' and for his web site AntComic.com.
Howard was going to take a break but he ended up playing a little bit of the Barbara Walters interview with Robert Blake. Blake sounded pretty nuts during the interview. Artie said he likes that because the guy is legitimately nuts. Howard went to break after that.
Ant said he had sex with his friend's father when he was 14 years old. He was babysitting for their kid and the father came home early so they went swimming nude. Ant said that they did that through the whole summer. Ant claims that he has something more than ''Gaydar'' which has allowed him to figure out if a guy is going to be into him or not. During Robin's news Howard asked Ant a few other questions about his gay lifestyle. Ant told Howard that he once had a straight, male porn star come up to his apartment and do him for $1,000 one time. He also told a story about a couple he had up to his apartment and the woman had sex with a dog. Howard told Ant that he has to come visit them over at the new place when they move so he can talk about that stuff without being censored. Ant told a story about John Travolta giving him a look one time that made him think he was into him. Ant said that Travolta was fat at the time so he bolted out of the steam room they were in because he wouldn't have wanted to do him at that time. Howard and Robin figured that either it wasn't really John Travolta or maybe Ant was seeing things that weren't really there. Howard had Robin finish up her news after that. They ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about how hot it was in the studio. He quickly went on to talk about how much news there was to talk about this morning. He said he could make the whole show about all of that stuff. He talked about the Terri Schiavo news and how you just can't get away from it. He said that the family should just let her go at this point. He said that people are saying that they wouldn't even treat a pet like that. Robin said that if a pet is suffering you can put it down. They can't euthanize a human being so they have to starve her to death instead. Howard said they feel like they're killing this woman but she's basically already dead because she's in a vegetative state. Howard took a call from a guy who said they're treating Terri like it's a new ''Weekend at Bernies'' by dragging her around and doing what they're doing to her.
The caller also had some questions about ''Eh, eh, eh.'' (Sirius). The caller asked Howard if it's true that he's only going to be working 4 days a week over there. Howard confirmed that it's true and it's also true that he's going to be taking 10 weeks vacation instead of the usual 8 weeks. The caller thought Howard was keeping that from his fans but Howard says he's not hiding anything. Howard said he hasn't told people about a lot of the stuff he'll be doing over there.
Howard got back to the Terri Schiavo story and talked about what a huge waste of time all of the news coverage is. Howard said they were making a big deal about how she blinked the other day. He said that FOX news is the biggest joke. They interviewed psychic Jon Edwards who pretends to be able to talk to the dead. Edwards says that he thinks that Schiavo's soul is still there and he might be able to talk to her. He also thinks that she could know what's going on around her. The interviewer just went along with his nonsense and didn't ask him about the claims he was making about out of body experiences.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he tuned into Imus' show this morning to hear him go off about the stories that are out about his ranch. The caller said that Imus claims he's not being investigated anymore. He also said that Imus says he's not going to Sirius and he's just staying on the air where he is for 5 more years. Howard said that Imus was never asked to go to Sirius and that's the reason he's staying put.
Another phone caller told Howard that he has been looking for a new SUV and he's going to decide on which one to buy by who has ''Eh, eh, eh'' (Sirius) built in. The caller said he's thinking of buying a Chrysler Pacifica because that's an option in the vehicle. Robin said a lot of the manufacturers are offering that as an option now. She was at the auto show yesterday checking some of them out herself.
The wheelchair guy told Howard that he can't have regular sex as he knows it but he is able to do stuff to a woman. He can inject his penis with something that will get him aroused. He does have a little bit of feeling down there. Howard told him to come back when they move to the new place so he can talk more about that.
Wheelchair guy told Howard that Terri Schiavo is already brain dead so he doesn't understand why these people don't just let her go. The guy also told Howard about how he's going to China later this year to get some stem cell stuff done to him to try and make himself well. He said that he may get 10-15 percent more feeling than he has now if he gets this procedure done. He can't believe that he has to leave the country to do this though. He thinks that they should be allowed to do this stuff here. The guy has been in a wheelchair for just over 3 years now so Robin thinks that he could still be helped. Howard asked the guy if he's going to keep skydiving if he gets better. The guy is still going to do what he wants to do and he won't give it up. Howard offered him a $500 prize but the guy was turning it down saying that it should go to somewhere else. Howard gave it to him anyway. The money was given to them courtesy of the movie ''Sin City.'' Wheelchair guy told Howard that there will be a rally down in Washington DC on April 4th. He didn't say exactly where it would be held though.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and told Howard that his new phone was missing one big thing... WiFi. Howard said that he can get on the internet with the phone and he's happy with the phone the way it is. He told Vinnie to leave him alone. Howard hung up on him and had to take another break.
Howard replayed the ''I Will Always Love Drugs'' song parody that he played earlier in the show. He went over some of the other things that he'd talked about earlier in the morning. He brought up a story about a guy who had to give his wife a ton of money when they divorced even though she had cheated on him. Howard wondered when the insanity is going to stop. He can't believe that this guy is out working to make his fortune while she's banging her ski guide and she still gets $31 million. He doesn't get the law.
Howard brought up Farah Fawcett's TV show and talked about how it's obviously staged but they call it a ''reality show.'' He said it was the worst thing he's ever seen. He said they've got to be out of their minds with that show. Robin said she likes this new show ''The Starlett'' which is hysterical. Howard cut Robin off and had Anna Benson come in.
Howard asked Anna if she'd be willing to have a bikini contest against Mike Piazza's wife. Anna said she doesn't feel the need to get into a bikini and compete against her. She doesn't have anything against her and she loves other women so there's no reason for it. Howard asked Anna about sleeping with other women but she didn't want to talk about that. Anna said that she's heard that she's a lovely woman but she hasn't met her yet. She said that she will probably stay on her toes because she's always competing against other women, even when she goes to the grocery store. Howard wondered if the other players are dissatisfied with their wives when they see her show up. Gary came in and asked Anna if she'd seen Carlos Beltran's wife. She hadn't but Gary was implying that she's not all that hot. Artie just laughed when he heard him mention her.
Howard was asking Anna about her snap-crotch lingerie but the delay was hit at least one time during that discussion. She was telling Howard about the way she turns her husband on with her seductive looks. She said she doesn't say no to her husband often and when she does, Chris says that she's only doing it because she's sexually frustrated. She told Howard that she has DD breasts and will walk around the house with them just out in the open. She was talking about having sex with her husband and how she likes to keep it down to 45 minutes or so at the max. The delay was hit multiple times during that discussion. Howard had no idea it was going on so he continued the discussion which led to more delay hits. The conversation was all chopped up because of that.
A caller asked Howard how Anna's feet looked. Howard had her show off her feet and they looked good to him. Howard told Jason to put the pictures up on his web site so the guys could see them. The caller asked if Anna would get into the RoboSpanker. She said there was no way she was getting in that thing. Anna told Howard about this reality TV show she's pitching and how it would show what goes on in her life when Chris isn't around. Howard said she should do it for a channel like HBO so she can show her breasts. She said she won't do that kind of thing though. She was also going to show what it was like to be a mom for 8 months a year while her husband is away. She manages Chris' estate and has to scream at people about the way his money is handled. She said that they get charged more for everything they have done on their place.
Howard brought up Anna's last visit and how she claimed that she would have sex with all of the guys on the Mets if she ever found out her husband cheated on her. She said she was just joking about that the last time she was on and now she's saying that she'd probably just sleep with the best looking guys on the team if her husband cheats on her. Joey Boots called in and called Anna a whore and said that he would get really rough on her if he could bang her. Howard got a list of the guys on the Mets and asked her if she would do some of the guys. He gave out some of the names but Anna said she wouldn't answer him. Anna would only say that she will sleep with a bunch of hot people if her husband cheats on her. Another caller told Howard to get this gold digger off the air. Another guy said he likes this chick because she knows how to keep her husband happy by walking around the house in sexy outfits. More women should be like that according to the caller. Howard took a couple more calls and let some guys talk to Anna. One guy said that her TV show can't be a success unless she shows some clevage. She said she might have to hire this guy to produce her show but she was being sarcastic. The calls were split between hating and loving Anna.
Howard wanted to see some skin on Anna but she wasn't willing to show him her stomach or anything like that this morning. Howard let a couple more calls through but there were more delay hits during the calls. Howard asked Anna about Jose Canseco. She said she hates the guy and went on and on about how he's out there embarrassing himself talking about the steroids. She said that he ruined it for the kids out there by coming out about the steroid use.
Ralph called in and told Anna that the reality TV show sounds like the worst thing ever. He said the whole thing sounds pretty boring because no one wants to see her life. Anna told Ralph not to watch it then if he's not interested. She talked more about the show and how it'll be about her life. Ralph doesn't think anyone else will care about her life either. Anna claims that there are 5 networks looking at the show because she did shoot a pilot. Howard asked Anna which networks they were but she said she can't talk about that. Artie hates the Mets and cracked a few jokes about the team while Anna was there. Howard started to wrap up the interview. Benjy asked Howard to give a prediction on how long Anna's marriage is going to last since he's usually pretty accurate. Howard said it'll last about 3 years going the way it's going now. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said they put in Gary's name at Answers.com and they have a description of Gary and his Baba Booey names that was pretty cruel. He read them to Gary who said they probably pull that stuff from other sources. He wasn't all that upset about it.
Howard played a voice mail that Eric the Actor (midget) left for them recently. He wanted to talk about ''American Idol'' so he left a message talking about one of the people who was kicked off the show and how happy he is about that. Howard wondered if they sound that lame when they talk about American Idol. Robin said they probably do. Howard said Eric also wants to be their entertainment reporter so he played the clip the guys put together with Eric talking about some entertainment news. They put Entertainment Tonight music over him which Howard didn't want. He said it was better without the music.
Howard said there's this artist who has been hanging his own paintings in museums and stuff without permission. He frames the pictures and just hangs them on the wall. Howard and Robin thought that was pretty funny. Howard went on to read a Wall Street Journal article about Don Imus' cancer ranch. Artie had mentioned it earlier in the morning so Howard checked it out and said it was pretty fascinating. Imus has apparently loaded the place up with all kinds of entertainment. The cancer kids only spend 6-10 weeks at the ranch per year and the rest of the year it's not used for them. Imus and his family use the ranch themselves as a vacation home. Artie said that it sounds like an obvious scam to him. Howard isn't sure that it's a scam but it should be investigated. Howard wanted to read more about it but he was missing some pages from his paper. Howard looked all over for the missing pages but didn't have any luck finding it. He gave up on that and moved on to other stuff.
Kidd Chris came in and said he actually got there around 8 o'clock and met Levy (Rev. Bob) out front. Howard was still goofing on Gary about him not informing him about Chris being there. Fred played a new song parody about Gary that no one had heard. Artie thought it was pretty great. Howard explained who Kidd Chris is. He's a friend of Howard's and he works in San Antonio, Texas right now. Chris said that the last time Howard mentioned that he was going in for an interview at WYSP in Philly, there were some problems. He said he couldn't get into everything or he'd be really F'd. Chris said it's a good thing he didn't take the job at Howard's station, WXRK, because now they're talking about doing a format change there. Chris isn't sure about the job in Philly now because of what went on after Howard mentioned the meeting.
Howard said that Infinity is thinking about how they're going to replace him. They were thinking about replacing him in each market so Kidd Chris was scheduled to interview at WYSP so he told Howard about it. Howard talked about it on the air and it just blew up from there. Chris said he's not sure he wants a job like that because he knows how pissed people are going to be with whoever replaces Howard. Howard said he doesn't care who replaces him because he's going to a different world when he moves on. Chris doesn't want to be in a competition with all of these other shows out there either. He doesn't seem to care where he's working as long as he has a job. Chris wants to be the guy who replaces the guy who replaces Howard.
Chris told Howard that he got one of those Treo 650s, like Howard's, when they first came out. The two of them spent a couple of minutes talking about the features they like and the way they use them. Howard asked Chris if he puts in his schedule info in the thing. Chris said he pretty much knows he has to be on the air from 6-10 so he doesn't have to put it in there.
Bong Hit Eric called in to talk about the E! show with this chick Stacy Hayes who was on last night. Eric also sang a Baba Booey classical music song parody. Howard said that he got the missing pages from the Wall Street Journal that he couldn't find earlier. He read through some more of the article. Bong Hit Eric was taking a couple of hits as Howard was reading the article. Kidd Chris was laughing his ass off as that was going on. Howard mentioned some of the stuff in the article and it just didn't sound right that Imus can go there and vacation at a place that's supposed to be for kids with cancer. Chris asked Howard if he's going to stop there during his tour of the country. Howard said they should go there.
Howard's old friend Al Rosenberg called in to vent about Imus since he used to work for the guy. Al went off on Imus and said that Imus is making it seem like they're going after the cancer kids and not after him. Howard talked about how Al was fired from Imus' show because he needed to hire his wife. Howard ended up hiring Al himself and then Imus wanted him back on his show. That all went on back in the WNBC days. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play the Gossip Game that the skipped last week. Howard said that the game was sponsored by the new movie ''Sin City'' which looks cool to him. He asked Mike about a story that the Enquirer did about Jim Belushi. Howard figures Mike must really hate Jim to have printed that story. Mike said that he didn't write the story, it was taken from a local columnist who saw that Jim had done. Mike thought it was an amazing piece but he has nothing against Jim himself. He claims to be an equal opportunity basher. He mentioned that Howard was in the latest issue of the magazine. Howard said that the picture of him with Billy Joel is from about 6 years ago but Mike didn't think that was the case. He said that Howard wasn't in that great shape that long ago. Howard was pretty sure he remembered but Mike almost had him convinced that it was a pretty recent picture.
Howard moved on to the gossip game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
During the news Wendy the Retard called in and said that she wants to be on American Idol. Howard warned her that she was going to have to be critiqued by the judges. She said she wouldn't mind and she wouldn't even care if Simon raped her. Howard asked her a bunch of questions and she was answering ''yes'' to all of them as usual. Howard had Wendy sing for them so they could pretend they were on American Idol. Wendy had to cue up her song first but she eventually got it. She sang some Neil Diamond stuff and then Robin, as Randy Jackson, reviewed her performance. Kidd Chris was Paula Abdul and Howard was Simon. Howard told her she sounded like a retard when she sang. Wendy was also wondering where her web cam was that he promised her. Howard told her that it was installed on her computer already and it was on as they spoke. She believed him and let him off the hook. Howard had Robin finished up her news after that. They ended the show around 10:40am.