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Howard started off the show asking Artie about how Vegas was this past weekend. He heard that Artie was pretty wasted out there. Artie told him that he may not be allowed back to Vegas after this weekend. Artie went on to talk about how he was out in Los Angeles shooting a new sketch for the ''MAD TV'' 10th anniversary show. He said that a lot of people that were there 10 years ago, behind the scenes, are still there. He went out drinking on Friday night with some old friends. Then he went to Vegas on Saturday. He figured he could take a nap before the 2 big shows he had there. He couldn't even lay down when he got there. He had some food and tried to rest but still couldn't do it. He called some friends and asked them to go play some blackjack. Dan the Song Parody Man was there so he called him and took him down to the casino to play. He was down $3,000 within a half hour. He didn't think it was all that bad so he put $5,000 down on the Super Bowl under and ended up winning that. He didn't know that until last night though. He had to do two comedy shows on Saturday night so he went out drinking with Rev. Bob Levy who is also a drinker. Bob was drinking by Noon on Saturday. Artie had a bunch of people up to his room so he had a bit of a pre-party going on and he wasn't ready for that. He said he had no way to relax and that's not what he needed before the comedy show.
Artie said that they ran out of glasses at one point and Levy took an ice bucket, put some ice in it and drank his vodka out of that. Artie said that it was like an acid trip by this point because of everything that was going on. Artie said that he was sort of miserable while all of this stuff was going on. He said he has no control over himself and wasn't even able to take a nap. He was beating himself up over that stuff. Artie said that they had two shows to do and the first one went great. He wasn't too drunk to perform so it went well. Howard said that he heard that people were going nuts. He read an e-mail that said that the crowd was booing everyone but Artie and then Artie was so drunk that he was repeating jokes 3 times.
Artie said he did about an hour and 10 minutes in the first show. They had to unload the crowd after that so it took like 2 hours to change the crowd for the second show. Artie went back up to his room and partied a little more. By that time Artie had probably had about a quart of Jack Daniels from the time he got to Vegas. He said he had a sense of accomplishment after the first show. He almost forgot that he had a second show to do because it turned into a party. Artie ended up calling his girlfriend Dana to get his head straight. He started talking to her and she asked him if he was drunk. Of course he denied being drunk. He said he usually proposes to Dana when he calls her from shows like that though. Howard said that if he were Dana, he'd break up with him. He wonders how she puts up with that.
Artie said he was told by a security guy that they found a guy with a gun down in the audience so that's why things were taking so long. Then there was a fight in the crowd so they had to clear that up before they could start the show. Artie said they guy who opened the show basically had to open it up to a riot. Then Levy goes up and the crowd gives him a hard time but Artie said he was able to bring them under control. Then it was Artie's turn and the guy who produced the show told him he had to pull it together for the show. He didn't know he was that drunk though. Gary came in and said the rumors at that point were that Artie had passed out back stage. Artie said that wasn't true though. Artie was having some trouble with his pants when he went on stage so they kept falling down. While he was trying to tell jokes after that he was having a nightmare problem with some guys in the front row. There were some guys yelling at him to ''Tell the pig story!'' He couldn't just tell it so he told the guy he couldn't do it. He tried to shut the guy up by saying he'd tell the pig story... ''I F'd your mother! End of story.'' The guy who was giving him a hard time ended up yelling that the Yankees suck and the crowd kind of liked that so they were cheering. Artie lost the crowd by that time so he was just going over bets and asking them who they wanted in the Super Bowl. Then Artie sang an Elvis song and people were throwing stuff in the crowd. Then High Pitch Eric wanted to go out so Artie let him go out. The crowd hated him and they almost rioted after all of that.
Artie went back to his room after the show and ended up partying even longer. That was about 2:30 in the morning. He said there were a couple of guys with guitars so they were singing songs and probably keeping people awake. Artie had to leave at 5:30 in the morning to fly home. He got on the plane and asked the flight attendant for anything she could give him. He wanted some food and water but they hadn't even taken off yet. Artie said he started to freak out on the plane and asked for any kind of sedative because he was going nuts. He said the movie on the plane was ''Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow'' but he couldn't get into it. He said the movie just made him angrier than he was. He was finally able to get an omelet on the plane but he still couldn't sleep. He was feeling anxious and didn't know if he'd make it all the way home without having the plane land early. He said about halfway though the flight he remembered that he had about six Tylenol Flu pills that might knock him out. He ended up taking the bottle and poured them out so he could take them. He had a few of those and calmed himself down. He took a car home and then his mother made him some food when he got home on Sunday afternoon. He was relaxed but he still hadn't slept. He had a $5,000 bet on the Super Bowl so he had to stay up and watch that. He said he watched that with one eye open. He fell asleep at about 10:20 last night and that was the first time he got more than 4 hours of sleep in 4 days. Howard doesn't know how he can do stuff like that.
Howard said he turned off the game last night with about 2 minutes left in the game. He knew the game would be close but he also knew that he had to get some sleep. He took a nap in the afternoon and the night before so he had plenty of sleep. Howard said he and his daughter watched ''Can We Dance'' over the weekend. Yesterday Beth made dinner and they watched the movie ''Ray'' and it really was a great performance by Jamie Foxx. Howard didn't know much about Ray Charles' life and the movie filled him in.
Howard took a phone call from a guy but they were having a problem with the line. Will came in and told Howard that there are 4 lines they have this problem with and they just haven't fixed it. Howard also took a call from High Pitch Eric who was still out in Vegas. Double A was there with him but he was passed out in the room. High Pitch said that this guy Irish John bought him tickets and hooked him up with a room out there. Eric can't afford it himself. Eric told Howard about how great the show was out there in Vegas. Artie said that Eric was constantly eating backstage that night. Howard had to cut them off to take a break. Artie quickly mentioned that Shuli did 5 minutes on stage and he really did well out there. Howard said Shuli was on the phone to tell some stories but he really had to take a break. Gary asked Howard if he ever wishes he could give up control the way Artie does. Howard would rather have a room full of chicks and not gamble like Artie does. He went to break a short time after that.
Gary said that the people from GoDaddy.com called them and told them how much they had to go through to get that commercial on the air. They had to change it around because they had the term ''Wardrobe malfunction'' in it and FOX made them take it out. Richard Christy came in and said that he tried to find some pictures of that chick from the commercial but the name they showed must have been a fake one. Howard said that the Burt Reynolds commercial was good too. He was also surprised that Adam Sandler is in a remake of the movie ''The Longest Yard'' because Adam Sandler isn't a tough guy. There was also a Subway commercial that Howard liked. Robin didn't like that one either. She said there was a baby talking in one commercial that she liked. Howard didn't like it and didn't like the talking dog that much either. He liked the Brad Pitt Heineken commercial and thought it was pretty effective. He read that Pitt was paid $5 million to do that commercial. He wondered if they get to run that commercial for a year or if it was just for the Super Bowl. Howard described the commercial to Artie who missed it somehow.
Howard said the commercials that disturbed him the most were the NFL commercials where the players were singing ''Tomorrow'' to each other. He said he hated them and they were a waste of his time. He also talked about the Half Time show that featured Paul McCartney. Howard said that they gave a plug to the guy who produced the show did a horrible job. They had horrible camera angles and they didn't show the band that was playing with Paul. He said he was really frustrated because they did long crane shots in the dark and they should have shown what was going on. He said that the guy who produced it should be thrown out of show business.
Gary told Howard that the crowd was holding up cards so it said ''Na, Na, Na...'' throughout the stadium. Howard doesn't think that Paul McCartney had any control over the camera shots during his performance but Robin thinks he's probably a control freak just like Howard and did know about the way they shot it. Howard said he liked the Tobasco commercial that was on during the Bowl because they had a hot chick in that commercial as well. Howard said that there aren't many chicks who can wear a bathing suit like that and get away with it. He also liked the Ford commercial with the guy frozen in the front seat of a Mustang convertible. There was a commercial with a bunch of monkeys that didn't make much sense. In one part there was a whoopi cushion put under another monkey and they probably cut down the sound because they were afraid of the FCC.
Gary came in and talked about some of the musical performances. He talked about the Black Eyed Peas and how hot the chick was in the band but she really couldn't sing. He said the band went out and found a model that can barely sing but it's got him watching. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that the show ''The Best Damn Sports Show Period'' changed their name to ''The Best Darn Sports show... '' because of the FCC scare. Howard said that's ridiculous and no one is standing up and battling this crap. That's why he's making his move to satellite. Howard and Chaunce talked about some of the other commercials that were on during the Super Bowl and how some of them weren't all that effective even though they were kind of funny. Chaunce mentioned Ameriquest and how good theirs were. Howard said it wasn't effective because he doesn't come away knowing what Ameriquest is. Gary had to tell Howard that they're a mortgage company. Chaunce also mentioned the internet boon back a few years ago and how great the commercials were back then. Howard said that most of those internet companies are gone now though. There was one that Artie mentioned, Buy.com, that's still around. They just bought 30 seconds during one Super Bowl and just showed the name of their web site for the whole commercial. Howard said that's an effective commercial though because it doesn't confuse people about what the product is. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard had Tera Patrick on the phone so he asked her if she knew about the chicks in that video that Gary watched. He said that their names are Cherish and Cali Marie. Tera doesn't know of them. Howard asked Tera about her missing dog. That's the reason she called in. She said she was shopping at the mall and her dog got away in the mall and someone just took him home. Tera said that the dog is a 6 pound Toy Fox Terrier. It was actually locked in her car and someone had to have opened the door to take it. Tera said that she was only gone for about 10 minutes and he was gone when she came back. Now she's offering a $5,000 reward for the return of the dog. Howard wondered if she'd offer sex as a reward instead. She said if it's a girl she might do that. She said she'd think about it if someone actually comes through with her dog. She said if anyone has any information about the dog they can e-mail her at Haz454@aol.com. Artie said that the guy who stole the dog has probably had sex with it already. Howard said he didn't know why Artie would say something like that. Tera's dog is named Chopper, and it's a black and white Toy Fox Terrier. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard had some tapes to play from last week. He had one clip where a woman went nuts after her son got picked to move forward in the American Idol competition. She was moaning and breathing heavy because of her excitement. Robin said she actually passed out for a short time. Howard said that Richard Christy took that clip and mixed in some porn star Lexington Steel into that mix to make it sound like a porno with the mother moaning the way she was.
Howard had tape of Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard being asked some questions from a teen magazine. They had a girl asking them questions like how you get rid of a tampon. Gary and Wendy were yelling at each other about who's more retarded than the other. Wendy actually hung up on Gary after he yelled at her about how he's more retarded than she is.
Howard had a clip of Star Jones talking about how she saves everything that her husband Al Reynolds gives her. Robin said she'd better do that because her marriage probably won't last. Star said she gets love letters and keeps everything that she gets from the guy. She said she usually doesn't save that stuff but she knew that this guy was the right guy and kept it all. Star also talks about how she went to 7 months of marriage counseling before she married this guy. Artie heard those clips and wondered who is watching that show. Howard said when he hears all of them talking over one another he can't stand it. Howard said that chicks just don't get that they talk too much. He brought up the chick who was on the show last week wondering why she can't find a man... He was interrupted when Gary told him that they had coach Bill Belichick on the phone.
Howard asked Bill how his night was after the game. He said that they went back to their hotel at about 1 in the morning since it took quite a while to get out of the area because of the traffic. Howard told Bill that he should be able to get some commercial endorsements and stuff like that. Bill said he's not a salesman though so you won't see him doing stuff like that. Howard wondered what he's going to do with his career. Bill said that the team is already working on next season. He's just trying to enjoy their win today and he's not thinking about all of that stuff yet. Howard said that Bill seems to be pretty relaxed when they're playing. He wondered what they're going to do if they lost next year but Robin didn't want to hear that. Howard asked Bill if he made love to his wife last night since he didn't have much more time with him. Bill said it was a busy night last night so that wasn't going on. Bill said he just spent time unwinding last night and didn't have sex with his wife. Howard didn't like that and told Bill that he's going to take him to Scores when he comes to New York sometime. Bill said he might take him up on that sometime.
Bill told Howard that he's a big fan of Howard's show and he's followed him for years. Howard asked him to send him a Super Bowl ring if he's that big a fan. Bill chuckled and said ''Okay'' to that request. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said that was not one of their guys in the back room pretending to be Bill. It was the real guy.
Howard had the Stump the Booey contestant come in. He spent a minute talking to the girl who would be getting naked if the guy loses against Gary. Naomi is a pastry chef and Howard sounded surprised that she'd be willing to get naked. She's 5'2'' tall and weighs 110 pounds. She said that she only tastes her food, she doesn't eat it, that's how she stays thin. Howard said she had a nice, flat belly. Howard wondered if she's ever made it with a chick. Naomi said she has and told Howard that her husband has been involved a couple of times. She said that she's a bartender as well so that's how she picks up chicks. The last time she did it was about a year ago. She said she lets her husband do the other chicks and doesn't mind it. Howard was asking her questions about the lesbian stuff and Artie was asking her questions about pastries. Howard asked her how she picked up the other chick and got distracted by her breasts because she wasn't wearing a bra. Naomi told Howard that the other woman she picked up last year was wearing a tight, white t-shirt and she's all about that. She said that the other woman kind of approached them and they ended up going back to her place. Howard had to slow Naomi down as she was telling the story because she was glancing over all of the details. Howard wanted to know who made the first move. She told Howard that the other girl was commenting on her flat stomach and that led to her taking off her sweater. It took off from there. She said that she was the one doing the other chick while her husband just hung out.
Howard spoke to Chris who was going to be taking on Gary in Stump the Booey. Gary thought it was kind of funny that Artie and the other guys were staring at this hot chick. Chris knows this chick from hanging out at the same bar on Staten Island called The Burrito Bar. Howard read some notes about this guy and they said that he's really into Casey Kasem and he listens to him all the time. He said there are movies he hasn't seen because he listens to music so much. Howard asked Naomi about the first time she had a lesbian experience. She said that she was 17 but didn't get into the whole story right away.
Howard said that Napster.com was sponsoring today's Stump the Booey. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to Naomi's lesbian experience. She said she was actually in college at 17 and she hooked up with this other woman there. Howard questioned her about that and said that he was really horny after hearing about this stuff. He wanted more details but Naomi wasn't a very good story teller. Howard had her get behind the curtain they have in the studio. She has to be naked just in case Chris loses the game. That way they can just drop the curtain if he loses. Howard told Gary that he'd better win this game because he really wants to see this chick naked. Gary said he knows this guy is going to be tough because he does music therapy and works in a record store. Naomi was naked by this point and told the guys that she's totally shaved.
Howard played the songs and they each had to get the name of the song and the artist. Here are the songs and who got what right:
Gary asked Mark about the Martha Raye money that he got and if he's still got any of that. Mark said that the money is all tied up in the mansion he built out in Bel Air. Mark said that he makes money with investments and stuff. He said he actually does have to work and he's looking for a job.
Howard had Evil Dave Letterman call Mark and pretend that he was booking him to do the show. Mark had never heard of Evil Dave so he thought it was the real David Letterman. Evil Dave asked Mark to come on the show and wondered what he'd like to talk about if he came on. Mark said that he would want to talk about the work he's doing to keep Martha Raye's memory alive. Howard thought it was funny that Mark would actually believe that David Letterman would call him at home. Mark also mentioned that he wants to take over for Howard when he leaves and he'd hook up with Andrew Dice Clay to create the Famous and Andy show. Mark told Howard that he really did talk to Andrew and they had a nice conversation. Mark says he has had conversations with Mark Lichtman and he doesn't think that the deal is going to go through. He thinks that even Infinity knows what they're going to do to replace Howard when he leaves. Mark was telling Howard about this great Bar Mitzvah he went to over the weekend and how great it was. He said there was no religious aspect to the whole thing because it was like a broadway show.
Howard said that they had Evil Dave call Mark back to let him know if they were going to book him to do the Late Show. Evil Dave told Mark that Paul Shafer is a big fan of Marks and how they would do a Grumpy Munchkin on him while they check him for hemorrhoids. Dave also asked him if he'd like to kiss Paul's ass and a few other gay questions. Dave also asked him how big his penis is and how many he's sucked in his life. When Dave asked him if he'd like to be f'd in the ass, Mark Hung up. Mark told Howard that he still thought it was the real David Letterman, even after that.
Howard played a little bit of Mark's latest song which is available at AKAMarkHarris.com. Mark sings about the Brad Pitt / Jennifer Aniston break up. He sings about Brad looking good and stuff like that. Howard said that they should just taser Mark right now. He was wearing new, giant glasses today as well so Howard goofed on him about that a little bit.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that Mark was threatening to sue Howard and Infinity after his last appearance. Mark said he was exaggerating but Vinnie said that he has all of the e-mails he sent him. Howard cut Vinnie within a few seconds and moved on to Joey Buttafuoco.
Joey claims that he was asked to do Saturday Night Live last week so he was flown in to do a sketch with Paris Hilton. Paris was going to do a bit where she was going to be replaced by Joey Buttafuoco as the host. Joey said he got a phone call at 3 in the morning on Saturday that the bit was canceled. He was approached by a few people who told him that Paris freaked out and locked herself in her dressing room for some reason. Howard said that maybe Paris heard about some of the stuff that Joey has been through and she didn't want anything to do with him. Joey said that he never heard that it was about him, it was just that Paris freaked out in general. Mark told Joey that it would have been funny if Joey had come out dressed in a jail outfit. Joey said that Saturday Night Live treated him very well and he was really looking forward to doing the show.
Joey says that his auto body business is gone now so he just hangs out at home and takes care of his horses and dogs. He claims that he has enough money that he doesn't have to work. He's going to be opening up an ice cream business out there so he shouldn't get into any trouble doing that.
Mark Harris said that he's going to be animating all of his songs and he'll have a new web site for that eventually. Howard gave him another plug for his web site AKAMarkHarris.com. Howard wanted to give Joey a plug but he didn't want to mention the name of the business at this point. Joey said he doesn't have any bad feelings about Paris Hilton because he doesn't know her and he doesn't know what happened with her that night. Howard took another break after that.
Howard talked to Belzer about the movie ''Ray'' and how great it was. Howard said they never really explained Ray's blindness that well. That was the one thing he didn't like about the movie. They spent a short time talking about the movie before Howard had Robin start her news. Howard also gave Belzer a couple of plugs for some comedy gigs he has coming up. Belzer will be appearing at Carolines on Broadway, on February 17th, 14th and March 3rd. He's also on Law and Order SVU, Tuesday nights at 10. Belzer said that they air the show on USA network every night as well. Belzer has 5 mortgages to take care of. He pays for his kid's houses even though they have jobs.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he played golf with Verne Troyer (Mini Me) out in Las Vegas. He said that Verne was using clubs like a 3 or 4 year old would use. He said that Verne could hit the ball maybe 25 yards at the most. Howard figured he could beat the guy if that's the case. Howard said he had a bunch of other callers waiting to come on the air but he had to get the show over with. It was right around 10 so he figured that his station in Washington DC was no longer with them. He doesn't like that they're doing that crap but there's nothing he can do about it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Artie quickly mentioned that his new DVD ''It's The Whisky Talkin'' is in stores starting tomorrow. He'll be signing copies of the DVD at the FYE store at 1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, tomorrow, February 8th, at 12:30pm.
Howard started off the show complaining about having worked out too hard yesterday. He said he went for a run and did some dead lifts at the gym. He said he was very drained and fatigued. He has Sylvester Stallone coming in today so he's going to ask him why he still looks like a pencil neck geek even after working out so much. Artie told Howard that Sylvester is amazingly chiseled and cut when you see him in person. Howard said that he and Sylvester have a lot in common because they shared a woman... Angie Everhart. She has said that Howard was the best lover she ever had too so they will probably be talking about that. Howard bragged about how good he is in bed and said that Robin is still missing out on it. Robin said she's happy with her Mr. X though. Howard wondered if Robin would be bringing Mr. X on her new TV show. She said she won't be doing that.
Howard said there was a lot of band equipment in the studio for 3 Doors Down. Howard played a few seconds of their song ''Kryptonite'' but that's the one they're going to be playing when they come in so Howard told the guys they should play some of their other stuff. Howard complained about the ''dry eye'' he gets after working out and how painful it is. He got back to the workout discussion and said that the dead lifting killed him yesterday. Artie shared some stories about working out in high school and how he used to lift weights. Howard said that he can look the same as he does as long as he doesn't eat. He doesn't need to work out to keep himself thin. He knows that he worked out just a little too hard and always pushes himself. He tries to push himself as far as the trainer wants him to go and yesterday he just went a little too far. Robin wondered what else he was doing in the workout to wear himself out so much. Howard said he did a bunch of stuff but he couldn't remember all of the things he did. Robin brought up Lance Armstrong and how he can ride a bicycle a hundred miles and then get off the bike and take a run. Howard pointed out that he does that for a living though.
Howard brought up Sylvester Stallone again and mentioned that he's in a lawsuit over the Rocky 6 movie because the movie company doesn't want to make it. Howard said that Rocky wouldn't be fighting anymore, he'd become a manager instead. The guys also talked about Sylvester's wife Jennifer Flavin who Sly has been with for a long time. Howard said that he once faxed her a break up letter but they ended up getting back together.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he as having ''Stallone'' back on the show. He pretended not to know that it was Sylvester, not Frank this time. Howard played a few remixed President Clinton audio clips that the guys created there. They took some stuff from him State of the Union Address and remixed them to make it sound like he was saying some stuff about President Clinton and duties and more...
Dan the Song Parody Man came in and said that Bob Levy is mad at him for some reason but he thinks it has something to do with the Eagles getting beat in the Super Bowl. Dan said he rolled up a cocktail napkin and tossed it at Bob and hit his girlfriend as well. That's what pissed him off for some reason.
Howard read a letter that Richie Notar wrote to him about hanging out with the group of guys that were in Artie's room. He said that he's met all kinds of people but High Pitch Eric actually scares him. The scene in the room was pretty weird and Richie saw it going on. Howard wondered why Artie lets all of these people into his room. Artie said the party before the show is actually harder than the show itself because there are so many people around him. Dan said that there were about a dozen people who came back to his room. Dan also said that Artie was nodding out a couple of times while they were jamming on their guitars up in his room. He would be singing along, nod out and then wake up a couple minutes later and start where he left off. Artie pointed out how High Pitch Eric will just bring up weird stuff when he's having discussions back stage. He'll just mention something out of nowhere and there's no point to it.
Artie also said that guys will bring their girls around him trying to impress them. He doesn't even know why he helps these guys get laid because there are so many people hanging around. Artie had to get out of the dressing room because there were just too many people hanging around. Dan told Artie that he'll get rid of them if he wants him to. Artie is too nice a guy to tell people he needs some time alone. Howard had to hang up on High Pitch Eric who was still on the phone. He said that it's unfortunate that you can't just hang up on him in real life. Gary said he just turns his back on him to blow him off.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's pissed off at Eric because he quit that job. She went out of her way to get him that job and he just blew it off. She said that Eric has the right idea because he goes out and gets free meals, trips to Vegas and more. She has kids and can't go on trips like that because she has responsibilities of her own. Howard let Mariann go and took a commercial break.
Howard replayed the prank call they made to Mark Harris using Evil David Letterman. He'd played it yesterday as well and said that a lot of people liked that call. Mark Harris took quite a bit of joking around before he hung up on Evil Dave. He only hung up after Dave asked him if he'd f-him in the ass over there at the Late Show. Howard threw in a new porn clip after playing that call.
Howard said that Gary went to the doctor yesterday and had a major physical where he had to go to a urologist. Gary said that his family has had prostate problems so that's why he goes there every year. He also has a test done every year to make sure he doesn't have prostate cancer. Howard told a story about Gary getting a full body x-ray. He was asked to get into a gown and was put on the x-ray table. He said the first woman walked in and asked him if he was ''Gary the Joke Man.'' Gary had to explain to her that he's not the Joke Man but he does work for Howard. The woman doing the X-ray came in a short time later and told him that she thinks that Howard Stern is a pig and went off on him for a short time. Gary tried to talk her down a little bit but she just kept saying that she thinks Howard is a pig. Howard said that's really inappropriate. He went on to tell a story about a woman who tried to feed his dog a treat while he was out walking his dog. She ended up telling him that he looks like the type of person who beats his dog. Howard called the dog and walked away from her because she was psycho. He wasn't sure if it was a Howard Stern thing or if she was just mental. Howard said he felt like kicking that woman after she said that.
Bob said that Paul (Dell'Angelo) was ready to kick his ass too because he apparently put mustard on his seat. Dan said that he's always been there for Bob and he's done so much for him. Bob told Howard that Dan was pulling his girlfriend's chair back making her think that she was going to fall over. Gary came in and said that he thinks this all has to do with the ''Get John's Job'' contest because Dan is on the show and Bob isn't. Bob said that's not true and this has nothing to do with that contest. Howard tried to wrap things up by asking Bob if he wanted to apologize to Dan. Bob wasn't going to apologize to anyone. Bob said Dan just disrespects people that he's with.
Dan seems to think that he could beat Bob up if they got into a fight. Gary said this is the exact crap that Artie doesn't want to deal with when he does these comedy shows. Artie told them that he thought all of these guys were friends and he didn't know that all of this was going on. Gary wondered who would win in a fight. Howard said that Dan is a tattooed motorcycle guy and he seems pretty tough. Dan was also saying that Bob threatens to kick a lot of ass but he's never seen it happen. Dan gave Bob props about his comedy skills and said that he always helps people out (like me). Artie said that Bob is a great comedian and he wants to have him on but he can't have this stuff going on at his shows. Howard and the guys thought that all of this had to do with Bob's girlfriend because if it was Bob's wife that Dan was tipping over a chair on, he wouldn't care.
Dan apologized for anything he may have done that caused Bob to run to other people to complain to. Howard said he was out of time for this fight so he tried to wrap it up. Artie said that he once saw Bob beat the crap out of a guy down in Boca Raton and he did beat the guy up. Dan told Bob that he loves him and his girlfriend Kim and he'd like to make things better. Artie also said that Kim is a great girl and she's the nicest person, plus, she keeps him alive. The guys talked about Bob's closing act where he eats blue cheese dressing out of a chick's ass. The delay was hit when they mentioned it though. Artie told a story about Levy going up on stage to do his act one time and he had strap ons and blue cheese all over the stage. Artie ended up tripping over the stuff up on stage. They never had them back after that show. Howard had to go to break after that.
Gary told Howard he read that the guys used to go out and catch gators when they were growing up in Mississippi. They said they would just sneak up on them and catch them by hand. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing around with the guys about growing up in Mississippi. They told Howard that there really wasn't that much racism from where they were from. Howard figured they must be pretty tough to be catching gators. He asked them if there are any bands that they would like to fight. A couple of the guys said that Nickleback is a band they'd like to fight. They said that the guys in Nickleback are pretty arrogant and they'd whip their asses if they had the chance.
Howard asked the guys about living down south. The guys said they stay down there because it's so cheap to live down there. Gary said one of the guys said that his trailer is paid off now that they've made it. Brad, the lead singer, said that he's been with his wife since he was 16 years old but he has slept with other chicks. Robin wondered how old he was when he started having sex. He said that it was when he was 14. He hasn't had any other woman since he got married at 21. He said he doesn't even go to strip clubs and when he sees a pretty girl, that's all he sees. He said it doesn't go any further than that.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said he was at their CD release party last night and there were a ton of hot chicks there. He said that hot chicks love the band for some reason. Gary wondered if the religion thing keeps the guys from cheating. Brad said that does have something to do with it. Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guys and then had them perform live in the studio. The guys were ready to do the 7:30am version of their stuff. Howard let them set up and killed some time. The guys then performed their hit song ''Kryptonite'' from their album ''The Better Life.'' Howard liked that and said it was some good ''Gator killin' music.'' Howard said he'd love to be in a band because it looks like so much fun. He asked the guys to leave their instruments in the studio so he could play later. Howard liked the song and told the guys that he likes Superman. Brad told Howard that he wrote the lyrics when he was 16 years old. He had to explain the song to Howard because he didn't quite get what it was about.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their new CD ''Seventeen Days'' which is out today. He played their song ''Let Me Go'' from the CD and told the guys he liked the song because it moved him. Brad told Howard to play track 5 (Landing in London) which Bob Seger helped them out with. Howard played the song and let it go so he could hear Bob Seger. Brad and Bob sing together on the song. Brad said they recorded it at separate times so they weren't singing in the studio together or anything like that. Howard noticed that Brad had some in-ear headphones that he'd like to have. Brad told him they're great. Howard thanked the guys for coming in after that and went to commercial.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked him if he'd seen the movie ''Shade'' featuring Sylvester Stallone. Howard never heard of the movie so the guy told him to pick it up and check it out sometime. Another caller told Howard that he can't get his show on the radio today for some reason. The guy also mentioned that he's blind so he can't drive. Howard asked him if he's fat after he said that he was diabetic. The guy said he used to be 6'3'' tall and weighed 380 pounds. Now he sits around watching TV and listening to Howard. He can also watch TV but he only has 20/200 vision in one eye and no vision in the other. Howard wondered if the guy started eating healthy if his sight would come back. The guy said that he can't wait for ''eh, eh, eh'' so he can just turn the radio on and get a signal. Howard said he can't wait either because then Bob Levy and Dan the Song Parody Man could fight and say whatever they want. Bob apparently almost said the F-word so they had to hit the delay on that.
A guy called in and told Howard that he works for Jay Leno and he has some cool stories about the guy. He started telling some stories about how Jay didn't got to Helen Kushnick's funeral and how she had been fired by Jay. Howard told the guy to write him a letter or call them off the air so they can get the stories without getting sued for letting it out over the air. Howard said they get dirt on all kinds of celebrities. He said he knows about the real deal stuff. He's heard from drug stores that tell him what kind of medication people are taking and stuff like that. Robin told him not to keep it all to himself but he can't talk about it on the air.
Howard said he got some mail about the GoDaddy.com commercial that aired during the Super Bowl. He's heard that they were supposed to air the commercial two times but only played it once. Some guy from the company is supposed to come in with the hot chick from the commercial on Thursday. Howard read that the commercial was the most TiVo'd commercial that day because the chick was so hot.
Howard read through some mail they got about Artie's performance out in Las Vegas. Someone said Artie was so drunk that he held the microphone down by his belly button. The writer also said that Rev. Bob Levy managed to hold it together and did a great job. There was some mail about the Bill Belichick interview Howard got yesterday. It was really Bill even though some people think it wasn't really him. Some people wrote in about Tera Patrick complaining about her dog being stolen. A woman wrote in and said that she has to turn Howard's show off when he does any porn-like stuff but she loves the news. She also mentioned the fact that Howard is being taken off the air at 10am sharp on WJFK in Washington DC. Howard read a letter that the station sends out to fans who complain about them taking it off but it's just a form letter that doesn't explain why they're taking Howard off at 10.
Howard read an e-mail that came from Anheuser Busch addressing Robin's question about what they're doing to help the troops. They explained that they have some programs that help out the troops and they have a web site that shows all of that stuff. Howard told Robin to apologize to them but she refused to do that after complaining about the one commercial that ran showing the troops during the Super Bowl.
Howard was informed that the indecency bill is back in action and should be working it's way through the government in the next couple of weeks. Howard said that even that GoDaddy.com commercial is being called ''raunch'' by some people and the indecency thing is going to just ruin free speech. He said that's why he's going to his new job (at Sirius) and all of the jealous pricks out there are going to have to deal with this indecency crap because they didn't back him in his fight against the FCC. Howard pointed out that Paul McCartney's Super Bowl half time performance was so ''safe'' that people were tuning out and didn't bother coming back after it was over. Howard ended up replaying some of the President Bush clips that he played earlier in the morning and then went to break.
Howard apologized for promoting the interview all morning and not having the guest there that he promised. He had some time to kill so he read a letter he got from a guy who is in jail up in New Hampshire for having something to do with the Pamela Smart case. He was the fourth teen arrested in the case. The guy asked Howard to come on the show and meet Savanna the porn star. The guy was in jail for 12 or 13 years. Gary said the guy actually got released but ended up going back to jail for a parole violation. He read all of that stuff in an article that he'd given to Howard. Howard said he lost a letter he got from some jury duty thing and he was afraid that he was going to have to go to jail or something.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that WYSP down in Philly was cutting off his show and playing Warren Zevon. Captain Janks called in and told him that the woman was nuts because the show was just fine down there. He also told Howard that today is the 10th anniversary of his call to the Rosie O'Donnell show. Howard didn't want to get into that though because he had a lot of other stuff to do.
Tom Chiusano came in and brought up how worried Howard was about Artie's behavior. Howard said that's true. Tom wondered why they haven't stepped in and done something about it yet like they did with Cabbie. Howard said that Artie hasn't hit rock bottom quite yet. Howard said that Artie shows up for work every day, he's sober and he's funny as hell. Cabbie couldn't even show up to work. Howard thinks that Artie believes he can handle what he's doing. Tom said he thinks that Artie might need an intervention though. Artie said he could go a month without drinking but he won't do that in a month when he has a comedy gig. He can't do a gig if he's not drinking. Artie is looking to possibly retire from the comedy stuff once his DVD sells. He seems to think that he could stop drinking sometime in May after his last comedy gig. Tom thought that Artie's sick call last Monday might have had something to do with drinking but Artie swears that he was sick that whole weekend and he was really just sick. Howard said the guy is able to come to work even though he may not be all that happy and has a few drinks. Artie said that if he was told that he only had 10 years to live, he would consider not working anymore. Howard said Artie thinks that not working would be the answer to all of his problems but it really wouldn't be.
Ralph called in and told Howard that Artie doesn't have a drinking problem. He asked him if he drinks during the week. Artie said that he doesn't do that, although he did do that in the past. Howard said that Artie binge drinks and blacks out sometimes and it ends up effecting his relationships. Ralph changed subjects and said that Howard is kind of backing down in his fight against the FCC just like the broadcast companies are doing. Howard said he doesn't see it that way and explained to Ralph that the companies that are being fined are the ones who have to fight, not him. He said it would just take one company to stand up to the FCC and take them to court. That would settle the whole thing in Howard's opinion. Ralph told Howard that he still thinks that he's ''bailing'' and not fighting the fight. Howard said that he's going to change the face of radio once again when he moves to the new medium. He told Ralph to get out of his life and hung up on him. Howard doesn't feel like he's bailing out on anyone and he'll be working hard when he moves to the new place. He wants to talk about stuff he used to talk about without worrying about someone chopping up his show. If he stayed in his current position and took a ton of money, that would be selling out in his opinion. Howard knows that it's going to be weird to move over to Sirius because he won't have as many listeners as he does right now. He thinks the risk is worth it but he's giving up a lot of power. He said it's not even about the money. He's sure that this move is right for him and he'd like to hear from people in 5 years after he's been on satellite.
Howard and Gary talked about how Howard demanded to be syndicated to places like Los Angeles but Mel Karmazin told him that he would fail if he went there. Howard knew that he would make it and he did. He became number one in L.A. even after Mel told him he would fail. Ralph called back in and said that he didn't say that Howard was selling out, he told him that he was just bailing out.
Gary told Howard that he got the story on Sylvester Stallone. He said that the publicist made a change back in January and told him that Sylvester would be changing the date to the 8th. She didn't tell him that it was March 8th instead of February 8th. He'll be coming in a month. They were only about 30 days off.
Howard asked Tom what he thinks about their Washington DC station taking his show off at 10am. Tom told Howard that they'll keep him on until he wants to go off the air. He wouldn't give Howard his opinion on what he thinks about what they're doing down there. Howard gave up and went to commercial break.
During a commercial break there was a commercial for Artie's book signing today. When they came back Artie asked Howard if he had any idea what was going to happen the day he did his book signing. Howard said he figured there would be about a thousand people there but about 25,000 showed up. He said he stuck around and signed every one of them though. Artie said he tried to go down to get an autograph that day but he gave up because the line was so long. Now Artie is going to be signing stuff for his fans. If you're in the area, Artie will be at the FYE store at 1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, today at 12:30pm signing copies of his DVD ''It's The Whisky Talkin.''
A listener called in and told Howard that he bought Artie's new DVD at a store near him over the weekend and it was great. He said he loved the back stage stuff and would love to do a shot with Artie some time. Howard gave Artie another plug for the appearance he's making today and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started off the show talking about how they tried to get Gary the Retard to call a place called Derby's Chicken. They told him to say that he had bad chicken and had gas but the tables were turned and they ended up putting him on hold instead of listening to him. Howard played the call and the employees would listen to him for about 5 seconds and then put him on hold. Gary would freak out and yell about the crappy music they had playing on hold. Gary asked them to stop playing the music but they jerked him around for a couple of minutes before hanging up on him. Howard said they turned that right around on him and jerked him around. Howard said that they have some good chicken over there at Derby's.
Howard played a Touch Tone Terrorists phone call after the Gary the Retard thing. In the call a woman calls what she thinks is a shipping company but it's just Jim-Bob and Junkyard Willie jerking her around. Howard reminded people that it's just one guy doing the voices of Jim-Bob and Junkyard Willie.
When Jillian Grace was on the show Artie predicted that she'd break up with her boyfriend. He was right. Howard said that in Jillian's video they have some soft core porn and it's not really Howard's thing. He said she's really hot looking in it but it's too nice for him. She starts talking at one point and Howard said that kind of ruins it for him. They also show Jillian with her mother which is another buzz kill in Howard's opinion. Richard Christy came in and said that maybe they got Jillian to do the video by telling her that her mom can be in it with her. Howard thinks that Jillian is about 2 years away from doing hard core porn. Richard said that the video was amazing in his opinion. He said her body was perfect and the video was high class and she comes across as being forbidden fruit. He said he'll be pleasuring himself to her video on Friday. He said he's also looking forward to getting her issue of Playboy that will be out soon. Howard asked Richard a couple of questions about his weekly ritual of beating off. Richard said he sits on an office chair when he does it so Howard said he used to do that as well. Howard said he used to get really depressed after he did it though. The delay was hit a couple of times during this discussion of course. Howard told Richard that he should go out and get a girlfriend because he's still sitting home and beating off weekly. Richard said he's just not good at talking himself up and he'd rather just go home and do it himself.
Gary suggested that Richard try to pick some women up on the internet. Howard said that's really depressing though because he used to try it years ago. He said he would be afraid of the women seeing him and thinking he's ugly. Benjy used to do that stuff himself and the women that would talk to him were just there for sex so they weren't all that worried about looks. Benjy says that he got some extremely hot chicks over the internet but no one believed him. Artie said that he doesn't think his theory about them being all worked up and not caring about his looks. Benjy said there were some women who did close the door on him but they were usually the uglier girls. Benjy is good at talking but he said the sex would start within a couple of minutes. He said he did it more than 10 times and only had the door closed on him a couple of times.
Howard got back to Richard Christy and asked him how he goes about doing his thing on Friday nights. Richard has a music stand that he puts his porn on so he can look at it while he's pleasuring himself. Richard will also have his computer on so he can look at pictures. Then he has the TV nearby so he can watch video if he wants. Gary asked him if Jillian's pictures would be the main course or if she'd be the opening act for his night of porn. Richard said that she'd be the opening act. He'll watch some of her video and put it in slow motion so he can finish himself off to her video. Howard said he can't watch a tape more than once for some reason. Gary said he can and he has some saved that he uses over and over. Howard talked about one video that he likes that he was able to use over and over again. Gary also has that one and he agrees that it's hot. He even knows how far to fast forward the video tape to. Gary is going to give the tape to Richard so he can burn it to DVD. Howard said their ''special tape'' has about 10 minutes of a guy talking over the tape which kind of ruins it. The guy narrates the tape and it's not something that he made, he just sent it to them.
Ralph called in and said the whole music stand thing was really creepy. Richard said there are people who know he doesn't have a drum set in his apartment so they must know something is going on with that music stand. Richard told the guys a little more about his Friday night pleasuring sessions. He said sometimes he drinks too much and ends up passing out naked. Howard was talking about how he always gets pissed off at the porn tapes after watching them because he's so disgusted with himself when he's done. He said he always turns the porn off as soon as he's done. Gary said that the porn companies have done a lot to make it easier to get to the good parts in their movies. Ralph and Howard ended up watching some porn together. Howard showed Ralph a Jenna Jameson video that he was watching on his computer. Howard had to tell him to get out of his apartment.
Howard told Ralph that he couldn't go out with him this Saturday because he has plans. Ralph's buddy Hunter is in town so he wanted to have a guy's night out. Howard was thinking of going but things didn't work out. They were going to have Ross Zaipin go out with them but he's got a real job over at Sirius now so he can't go out either. Ralph talked about how he bought stock in Sirius and it's doing pretty well now. He said it's a good stock to buy. He said he's just going to keep buying stock in the company instead of selling it when it goes up. Howard had to take a break so he wrapped up with Ralph and went to commercial.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that FOX news was doing a promo for how one of the ''Desperate Housewives'' stars was going to out herself. They did a report about Teri Hatcher coming out as a lesbian in some lesbian magazine. Howard said that can't be true and he doesn't believe it because it would be all over the news today if it was. Howard changed subjects and said that Corey Feldman was in the news talking about Michael Jackson. He's been on Howard's show many times and always defended Jackson. Now he's apparently changed his tune and now he's saying that he wasn't being truthful when he was defending Jackson. Howard sarcastically thanked him for giving him an exclusive.
Chaunce said there was a story in Page Six today about a girl who is apparently dating Brad Pitt. Chaunce said that she was actually living with him when he was doing the Get John's Job contest. He said that she won this contest he ran for Steppin' Out Magazine and ended up staying with him. Howard told Chaunce that he had to go because the story wasn't that good. He played the ''Chaunce'' song parody over him.
Gary came in and showed Howard that Chaunce was all wrong about the Teri Hatcher thing. He had a report about how Marsha Cross is the one who is supposed to be coming out of the closet. Chaunce said that maybe FOX news got it wrong because that's what they were saying on the news last night. Gary said he'd look into that as well and find out if that's what they reported. Doug Goodstein called in and told Chaunce that he was out of his mind because he saw the news last night and they never said anything about Teri Hatcher, it was about Marsha Cross. Howard said he can't believe that Chaunce got this wrong and he could never let him write for his web site because he has such a comprehension problem. Howard said that's a major screw up to say something like that and get it wrong.
Ralph called in and asked Chaunce to stop calling ''Steppin Out'' a magazine because it's a newspaper at best. Chaunce asked him to just hang up because he didn't want to hear it. Another caller told Chaunce that he was wrong about the FOX news report as well and they never said that it was Teri Hatcher. They teased with pictures of Terri but never said that she was the one coming out. Another caller told him that he needs to have the sound on when he watches the news. Chaunce just assumed that it was Terri because they teased that story with pictures of her. Chaunce says that he's right most of the time that he reports gossip stories. Gary told Chaunce that he should just go on the internet and confirm stuff like that before he calls in. He asked Chaunce to apologize for yelling at him. Chaunce said he was sorry but everyone gets stuff wrong once in a while. Howard said that everything always goes wrong with Chaunce. Chaunce said that's true and he's getting close to his breaking point.
Another caller told Chaunce that he should stick to smokin' pole instead of calling into the show. Howard thought that was pretty funny. A woman called in and said she was going off on Chaunce in her car because she knew the real story. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told Chaunce he's done it again and he'd save a plastic chair for him to sit in the hall with him. He told Chaunce to keep proving what a moron he is and keep calling in. Ronnie walked out when Chaunce tried to fight back. Howard let Chaunce go a short time later. Chaunce sounded like a beaten man as he was saying goodbye. After that Howard played the FOX news report and they made no mention of Teri Hatcher. It was all about Marsha Cross. Gary told Howard that even if you were half asleep you'd hear the reporter say ''the redhead'' on Desperate Housewives.
Ralph called back in and said that he likes that chick on the show and thinks that she's hot. Artie said he hung out with her years ago and she had a great body. Howard doesn't seem to like her all that much though. Ralph mentioned that Jillian Barberie is another girl who should be on the top ten list of women who have gone bad. He said she looked horrible during the Pre-game show on Sunday. Howard changed subjects and said there was a great Oprah on yesterday. They had chicks who have gone nuts with plastic surgery. There was a 23 year old woman who has had like 26 surgeries so far and her nose is about to collapse like Michael Jackson's. Howard said the chick was cute and she didn't need to get all of this surgery done. She would bring in pictures of the body parts she wanted to have but the only problem is that it turns into a Frankenstein thing. The women end up looking like a mess after all of the surgeries. The 23 year old looked 40 according to Howard. He had to cut the conversation short because he had to take a break.
Howard said he had an update for everyone. A few weeks ago he did something very nice for Eric the Midget and got him on the show ''American Dreams.'' Howard played a clip of Eric acting with actress Daphne Zuniga on the show which will air in March. Howard and Artie made fun of his voice for a few seconds and then Howard played the second take for the same scene. The guys said that Eric wasn't putting much energy into the scene though. Howard said after Eric got the gig and did his thing, he called them and left a voice mail message making demands for his upcoming interview. He demanded that Howard take the interview seriously and not do any ''toilet humor.'' He didn't want any questions about going home to pleasure himself after thinking about the hot chicks he got to work with. Eric said he wanted Howard to take the call more seriously than any call he's taken in the past. Howard played the voice mail and called Eric ''Mr. Hollywood'' as he introduced him. He immediately asked him if he pleasured himself to any of the hot chicks he worked with. Eric said that he's not going to answer that question. Howard figures he's in love with Daphne Zuniga. Howard told Eric that he got him that job and he should be thanking him for that instead of making demands. Eric said he did thank Howard several times when he did interviews with the E! guys. Eric said that he didn't want his co-stars to hear about him pleasuring himself and that's why he didn't want Howard asking him that stuff.
Daphne Zuniga was on another line so Howard told her that he thinks Eric is in love with her. He and Artie did their impressions of Eric and goofed on them. Daphne told Howard that she respects a guy like Eric who will defend her like he's doing. Eric sounded a little bit embarrassed when that came up. Eric told Howard that he thought about everyone on the set because they were all nice to him. Howard asked Eric if he thought about Daphne when he got home. He said he didn't and he didn't look up pictures of her on the internet. Howard wanted to know who Eric thinks is cuter, Kelly Clarkson or Daphne. Eric refused to answer with Daphne on the phone. Daphne said that they only did one scene together but Eric did a good job and he seemed like a sweet guy. Howard wondered if Eric could have a career in acting. Daphne said that if he took some acting lessons and learned some techniques, he might have a chance.
Howard read that Daphne hasn't had a boyfriend for about a year now. He asked her about that and found out that she falls in love very easily and had to stay out of that stuff for a while. Once she did her own intervention on herself, she concentrated on her career and things started to take off for her. Howard also read that she has had some lesbianism in her life. Daphne said that there were some other things that she wanted to talk about before getting into that. She told Howard that she's toxic with Mercury and she wanted to talk about that first. She said it's from eating fish so that's one of the reasons she cut herself off from guys for a while. She said she had a blood test done after she had a loss of memory and some other symptoms of mercury poisoning. She said that a lot of fish, especially tuna, have a lot of mercury in them. She said you can clean yourself up. She said you can find out more about that at NRDC.org. Daphne was going on and on about that so Howard cut her off and asked her what she was wearing. She said she had a t-shirt and sweats with no panties or bra on.
Howard got back to the discussion about Daphne's sex life. She said that she has been with guys in the past year, she just doesn't have a boyfriend. Howard asked Eric if he was turned on by these stories. Eric said that he wasn't going to answer those questions. Daphne told Howard that she hasn't had sex this year yet but her hiatus is over and she's open to finding a new guy. Howard said he could set her up with some real monsters from his audience. He asked her about her lesbian experiences and she said she had a couple and liked them. There was a guy friend who had her with another woman at one time. Daphne asked Howard where his hands were while she was telling the story. Howard asked Eric where his hands were too. Eric said that his hands were on the phone. Howard continued his lesbian story questioning. Daphne said she agreed to do the other chick when her guy friend asked her to do it. She said it was probably before she worked on ''Melrose Place.'' Daphne said that the guy in the relationship was the one who picked out the other woman. Howard wanted to know who she was but Daphne wouldn't say. She said the other woman was a model but didn't say if she was a famous model. Howard looked at the list of guys she's dated trying to figure out who she was with at the time. Daphne wouldn't say who she's slept with. Howard wondered if she's ''gone black.'' She said no to that and kept asking for more plugs for the NRDC.org web site.
Eric asked to talk about some other things. He said that ''American Dreams'' is in danger of not having a fourth season. He sent Howard a link to a petition asking to save the show. Howard cut him off and asked Daphne about Marsha Cross because she worked with her in the past. Daphne hadn't heard the news about her coming out of the closet but Robin told Howard that Marsha is now denying the stories that are all over the news. She's apparently saying that she's ''gay friendly'' but not gay. That got Howard back on the subject of Daphne's lesbian story. She didn't remember all of the details of her lesbian night but Howard was still turned on by the story. He said he thought she was hot, except for the mercury poisoning stuff. He checked out some pictures of her and said that he'd do her in a flash. Howard said he saw some video of Daphne naked in a movie on MrSkin.com but Daphne said she never did any nude scenes. Will came in and told Howard that they were definitely her from the movie ''Last Rites.'' Howard checked out the picture and said they could see her boobs. She said she'd have to check that out herself.
Howard gave Daphne and Eric a plug for ''American Dreams'' which starts airing March 9th. Eric's episode should air a couple of weeks later. Eric told Howard that they sent along some pictures from behind the scenes at ''American Dreams'' for them to put up on Howard's web site. Eric thanked a bunch of people that he worked with on the show. Howard asked Eric how he thought the interview went because it was kind of sexual. Eric wanted to send a copy of it to someone but now he's not sure he wants to do that. Eric said he's ready to do some more acting and he'd be willing to go back and reprise his role on the show if they asked him to. Howard asked Daphne if she uses a vibrator since she's not with any guys. She said that was her limit and she wasn't going to answer that.
Eric also brought up the fact that he's told Howard in the past that ''Midget'' is like the N-word for little people. Howard told him that he can't worry about everyone's feelings and all of the little people had better calm down about that. Howard said that Midget is not like the N-word and he's not going with that. He told Eric he's going to research it more and it's too good a word to give up. Howard told him that there is a difference because midgets can't kick your ass. If you call someone a midget, they're not going to beat your ass. If you call a black guy the N-word, they will kick your ass. Howard asked Eric about how hot Daphne was and if he's still into Kelly Clarkson. Eric told Howard that he doesn't have any Kelly Clarkson posters and he's just got baseball stuff on his wall. Howard said he can't pleasure himself to that stuff. Eric didn't want to talk about that kind of stuff.
Ralph called in and asked Eric what they want them to call him if they can't call him a midget. Eric said that he's heard ''Eric the Actor'' or ''Hollywood Eric.'' Artie suggested ''Eric the Midget Actor.'' Howard likes ''Eric the Actor.'' Gary came in and said he liked Artie's ''Eric the Freakishly Small Human'' that he gave a few months ago. Gary told Howard that Joan Rivers had been waiting in the green room through this whole thing so they had to get to her. Ralph insulted her and brought up the too much plastic surgery thing. Howard didn't like that he did that and let him off the phone.
Artie told a quick story about how they had a midget on the set of a show he was working on. They had a call list that showed his name and Norm MacDonald's name and then ''Midget'' for the same time. The guy freaked out and demanded that they use his name, Paul, instead of calling him a midget. They actually had to call off the shoot that day because the guy didn't want to work until that was straightened out. The next morning Artie got his call sheet and it showed ''Artie Lange 8 am, Norm MacDonald 8 am'' and then it said ''Paul the midget 8am.'' He was laughing pretty hard as he told the story. The guy eventually did show up to the set even after all of that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Johnny Carson had Joan as a writer on his show for a while. She eventually did some appearances and eventually guest hosted the show a bunch of times and killed. Joan got a job offer at FOX and had to take the chance. She went over there and Johnny ended up getting pissed at her and never spoke to her again after she got the job. Joan said that NBC wasn't giving her a contract even though she'd been there for 15 years so she had to take the chance. Joan said that she even write a letter to JOhnny about his son who killed himself and never heard from him. She knows that Johnny's show meant everything to him so that's probably why he never spoke to her. Howard asked Joan if she would have gone to JOhnny's funeral. She said that would have been inappropriate and wouldn't have gone. She said that she can't hold a grudge for as long as Johnny did though.
Howard asked Joan if she was shocked when she watched Jay Leno do a tribute to Johnny Carson when you know the truth about their relationship. Joan said it was very revisionistic. Howard said that Jay isn't even human and never mentioned Johnny's name when he took over the Tonight Show. Howard told Joan that there's nobody home behind those eyes of Jay's. Howard told her about the conversation he and Jay had after he stole Stuttering John from his show and the guy still wonders if they're friends after Howard told him that he doesn't like him.
Howard asked Joan if she wants a big funeral when she dies. She said she doesn't want anything big and she's given a list of people she doesn't want at her wedding to her daughter Melissa. Howard wondered if Joan has had vindication this year because she left E! because they wouldn't pay her and had a successful move to the TV Guide Channel. Howard said he had trouble finding the channel but Joan let him know that it's channel 51 in New York. Howard asked her what she thinks about Star Jones taking her place on E!. Joan didn't want to bad mouth her because they both do things for the same charity. Joan said she didn't watch Star doing her thing on E! so she doesn't know how she did. Howard told her that Star was horrible. Joan said she does The View so she doesn't want to talk about that stuff. She and Star don't even talk about the fact that they do the same job.
Howard liked the fact that Joan pointed out what a crappy ring Kevin Kostner had gotten for her fiance while they were walking down the red carpet one time. Costner went out and bought her a bigger ring after that but he wouldn't stop for Joan the next time he saw her. Joan talked a little bit about Melissa and how she's dating a bunch of guys now and she's having a lot of fun. Joan said that she's suggested to her daughter that she try lesbianism but she's not taking her advice on that. Howard found out that Joan has never been on Ellen Degeneres' show or Rosie O'Donnell's show so he was starting to wonder why he's having her on. He gave her some plugs for some things she has coming up. He said she'll be doing the Grammy Pre-Show on the TV Guide Channel on February 13th. Howard wondered who she'll be interviewing there. Joan mentioned Avril Lavigne's name but she pronounced it wrong. Howard told her she can't be doing that when she's on the red carpet. Joan will also be down in Florida next week doing some appearances around the state.
Howard asked Joan about her plastic surgery. Joan said that there are a lot of celebrities getting surgery these days and she's tired of hearing about it. She said that Oprah had to have had something done because she looks amazing these days. Howard told Joan that she looks good too. He told her to leave it alone for a while though and not get more. Joan told Howard that she hasn't had sex in about a year and a half now but she knows that people don't want to hear that stuff. She said that there are no guys her age that she finds attractive either. Joan said that George Bush Sr. is a good looking guy and that's the type she'd be looking for. Howard gave out Joan's plugs again and then went to break.
Howard never got around to playing the Daniel Carver Black History game but he teased everyone with one of the questions. The first was: Who is Thurgood Marshall? Daniel knew that he was the first N***** to be on the Supreme Court. Even though he said he wasn't going to pay the game, Howard got a woman on the phone to play along with them. The girl took a bong hit before she played the game. Howard thought it was kind of weak and told her it wasn't funny when a chick does it. He said that guys like Bong Hit Eric are funny when they do that stuff, she wasn't. Howard played the next question for the caller and told her she could win $500 courtesy of the movie ''Saw.'' The question for Daniel Carver was ''(Who is) Star Jones?'' The woman on the phone said that she thinks Daniel would know. Daniel's answer was ''Nope, never hear'd of that.'' Howard said they'd play more of the game on tomorrow's show. He said that Daniel probably doesn't really watch TV and that's why he never ''hear'd'' of Star Jones. He just has some weird knowledge of history and that's why he knew the Thurgood Marshall answer.
Howard read some mail about the Philly station blowing out the show with some Warren Zevon music yesterday. He said that a ton of people wrote in and said that Captain Janks was wrong when he said that the woman who called in was wrong. The show was interrupted for a few seconds. Someone also wrote in about Artie's overdose of Tylenol saying that he shouldn't have taken as many as he did to ''calm himself down'' when he was flying home from Las Vegas. The writer said that he could go into liver failure if he took it with alcohol. Artie said he didn't take it with alcohol even though he did drink quite a bit over the weekend.
During the news Robin read a story about teacher who was having sex with her 13 year old student. That led to Howard talking about when he was 13 and how he was afraid that he wasn't going through puberty so he ended up showing his package to his buddy Dr. Lew when they were at camp together. He said that Lew told him that he just hadn't matured yet and he'd eventually get larger down there. He said Lew gave him a false sense of hope when he did that. Robin finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started off talking about some of the stuff Artie was doing at the end of the show yesterday. He was doing an impression of Dean Wormer (John Vernon) from ''Animal House.'' He read some information about the late actor so Artie could do his impression again. He did a few more lines this morning because he'd screwed up part of one scene that he'd done yesterday. Howard said that ''Animal House'' has generated over $200 million and it only cost $2.7 million to make. Artie remembered sneaking in to see the movie when he was about 11. Howard read some other facts about the movie like Chevy Chase turning down the role of Otter to do the movie ''Foul Play.'' He read a few other things about the movie and Artie did more of his Dean Wormer impression after that. Howard said they really wanted to get a real actor for the movie and they got Donald Sutherland. He ended up taking $50,000 as payment instead of some points on the movie. The points would have been worth about $17 million if he'd taken that instead. John Belushi made $40,000 as well.
Howard woke up in the middle of the night with stomach pains last night. He's not sure what it was because he didn't fart after it. The pain seems to have gone away but he's still not sure what it was. He said that it might just be agita. He stayed up last night to watch ''American Idol'' even thought it was move to 9 o'clock. He talked about that for a short time and played some audio from the show. Paula and Randy were arguing about one of the contestants because she thought that Randy was lying about his answer about this one contestant. Howard said he also watched ''Smallville'' last night. He didn't like the episode that much because he doesn't think that Clark Kent should be trying to get into college... He's Superman. He thinks that Superman could read books in seconds if he wanted to learn. There was also a scene where a couple of chicks were going to do Clark but he ran away from them like Super Homo.
Howard said that he has asked the broadcast industry to come together to fight stuff like this but it hasn't happened. The gun lobby has a strong following because they all stick together and fight the government to keep guns legal. He believes that the broadcast industry should be sticking together and do the same thing but it's never going to happen. Howard is glad that he's not a guy trying to make it in the radio business because it's not going to be easy. People will laugh thinking that he's the only one getting fined but that's not true. There are talks about whether or not it was right to show naked statues during the Olympics last year. Stuff like that is going to eventually be considered indecent and companies are going to be getting massive fines for stuff like that.
Robin said that they're going to be fining individuals as well as the companies that those broadcasters are working for. Howard said that he can't even argue with Tom about the stuff they hit the delay on because they don't care about his opinion. Howard said this move to satellite he's making is a preemptive strike because he doesn't want to play this game. He's not going to be paying half million dollar fines. When that bill passes, he's not going to be talking on radio anymore. He said that all of the broadcasters out there have to stop broadcasting when this bill passes. They need to get people to respond and write to the government to complain about this nonsense. The jackasses in the government want to look like they're doing ''something'' that they create this kind of bill.
Howard said that he's going to play music when this bill passes because he's not going to risk getting fined. The industry turned it's back on him so there's no way he's going to risk getting fined for them. That led to Howard playing a news report about how J.P. Morgan thinks that Howard Stern isn't the big draw for satellite radio, it's the lack of commercials. Howard said that he's been saying that all along. People are going to switch over to satellite because they can have commercial free music. The reason Howard was hired is because one satellite company wants to beat out the other. He said that people will decide between the two by looking at the lineup and choose based on that. Howard said it's the content that gets people to choose the service they choose. Howard said that the conversion will happen faster if he's at one of the satellite companies. He also said that he was hired to promote one over the other and the news report was ridiculous. He said that his move to satellite radio is important but it's not going to crush the regular radio industry. He said the terrestrial radio industry will crush itself.
A listener called in and asked what will happen to broadcasters that don't pay their fines. Howard said that they will have to hire a lawyer and go to court. While they're waiting for that to happen, the FCC will threaten to revoke the license of the company. They did that with Howard's company and they were pressured into paying their fines. The caller said that people are going to have to rally behind deejays who get fined but Howard said that won't happen. Howard thinks that people will just follow him to satellite. He said that it won't even be him they follow, they'll just be moving to satellite radio because it'll be the only place they can hear stuff they want to hear. Howard said the whole broadcast industry has turned it's back on freedom and they're letting the FCC fine them for ridiculous stuff. Once again Howard said that he's only playing music once that indecency bill passes. He said he's done talking about that stuff for the morning. He had to take a break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who reminded Artie about a couple of other lines in ''Animal House.'' Artie did his impression of John Belushi and did a few other lines from the movie. Howard talked about how Donald Sutherland turned down points on the movie and blew $17 million because of that.
Howard quickly mentioned that a woman called the office yesterday toward the end to he show. She wanted to talk about how her husband has been in Iraq for 6 months and she has been so horny that she's cheating on her husband. Howard got her on the line and said that he wasn't going to support her because her husband is in Iraq and she should be faithful. Stacy said that her husband told her that he would never leave her for an extended time. Howard asked Stacy to describe herself. She said she's 5'6'' tall, 113 pounds, 36 D chest and she's been told she looks like Pam Anderson but she has brown hair. She said guys hit on her all the time. Howard said there's no way he would cheat with a girl like this because she's married to a guy that's serving in Iraq. Stacy said she waited about a month or a month and a half before she started to cheat. She said she's had about 6 guys in the past 6 months. She's even sleeping with a guy who is good friends with her husband. She's not emotionally attached to these guys, she's just using them for sex. She looks at her husband as cheating on her because he's so far away from her but that didn't fly with Howard and Robin. She hasn't told her husband about what she's doing though. She's had two one night stands and one of them was her husband's good friends. Stacy said she doesn't know if her husband is coming back so that's why she's doing this. She tried to hold out for a while but she wasn't able to do it.
Howard let some phone callers go off on this woman. One guy said that marriage vows usually include sickness and health and she shouldn't be cheating. Howard said he doesn't think that he'd be able to cheat on someone that was serving over in Iraq. Stacy said she doesn't think that it's cheating because she's not emotionally involved with the guys she's having sex with. Captain Janks called in and told her that she should be ashamed of herself. Howard asked Captain Janks if he would cheat with this woman if he knew that her husband was over in Iraq. Janks swears that he wouldn't do it. Robin thought that he was lying along with Howard. Howard said that he might get oral from her but that's it. Howard said he bets that her husband is being faithful. Stacy said he probably is because he's with a bunch of guys over there. Stacy claims that she asked her husband not to enlist and didn't want him going over to Iraq but he went anyway. Howard told Stacy that what she's doing is disgraceful. Stacy told him that guys do that kind of thing all the time.
Stacy is willing to sleep with a listener of Howard's as long as he's good in bed. She said her husband is really good in bed and that's what she needs. A few more phone callers told her that she's a disgrace to the country. Bong Hit Eric called in and asked her what she really looks like. She swears that people tell her she looks like Pam Anderson. Another guy said that if the roles were reversed, her husband would be doing the same thing to her. A woman called in and told Stacy that she should be keeping her legs closed. When her husband comes back from Iraq he's going to find out about all of this stuff and he's not going to be happy.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that everyone is a hypocrite because Stacy's husband could be cheating over in Iraq. Howard doesn't believe that because the guy is in Iraq. Chaunce also thinks that if Stacy was in a hotel room with any guy, the guy would let her do stuff to them even if they say they wouldn't. Another guy called in and said that he was over in Iraq and knows what these guys go through while they're over in Iraq. Howard asked Stacy if she can keep her legs closed or not. She said nothing has changed so, no, she won't be doing anything differently. Another woman called in and told Stacy she's nuts because her husband is over there in a sand bucket. Howard had to wrap up after that and asked Stacy to send some pictures so he can see what she looks like.
Howard said they predicted that Jillian would dump her boyfriend as soon as she got into the magazine. They were right. She said it was rough with him and he didn't like the whole Playboy thing. He couldn't handle it and it ended very ugly. She had to get a restraining order against him. Artie was laughing his ass off when he heard that. Jillian said she didn't want to talk about him because his mother just passed away last week. Howard thought it was kind of amazing that they predicted all of that. She said that he's not allowed within 100 feet of her because of the restraining order. Howard wondered if she got a lot of attention when she went to the Playboy mansion. She said she did have a couple of people come up to her. She also said that she hung out with Pauly Shore a few times but she's not dating him. Artie broke out in laughter again and did an impression of Pauly. Jillian said she also met Michael Keaton out there. Howard asked her more about the Pauly Shore thing and what went on with him. Jillian gave him her phone number and he called her at home. She said she hung out at Pauly's house because he's been kind of busy lately. Artie cracked up again when he heard that. He wondered what Pauly is doing that's keeping him busy. She said he's got a DVD out now so that's what's keeping him busy. Jillian said they just hung out and watched TV and talked about the comedy stuff that Pauly does. Howard wondered what she wears when she goes to his place. She said she's worn all kinds of things. Howard asked her if she kissed Pauly. She said they did kiss a little bit. Robin asked her how she can call him ''Pauly'' when she's looking at his crows feet.
Jillian said she hasn't been out to L.A. all that much so she doesn't have a lot of fun when she's there. She said she's always working when she flies out there. Jillian said that she has to go through a whole Playboy orientation to learn what they can and can't do at appearances. She said she's not allowed to smoke or drink while she's out doing promotion. She also said that the girls don't have to sleep with Hugh Hefner. Gary asked her if she would consider it if Hef asked her to be one of his girlfriends. She said it's not for her. Jillian has gone up to his bedroom to watch what goes on but she didn't get into it. She said she's never experienced anything like that before. Howard asked her what she wears when she's in there. She said she had her top off while she watched what was going on. She didn't really do anything and it was kind of weird. She said some of the other girls touched her and it felt really weird. She doesn't think she'd go back. Jillian tried to change subjects by giving Howard a game but he told her to put it down and not start promoting stuff. Artie told her to keep it because she can do coke off it later this year.
Jillian said she felt up some of the other girls because she wanted to feel what a fake breast felt like. Howard heard that and said that Hef is a genius and he's the man. Jillian said that she'll be wearing a mardi gras costume for a party they're holding at the Playboy mansion. It'll only be beads that she's wearing. Jillian said she got to see Hef having sex with some girls and she'd never seen other people having sex like that. He had about 9 women in the room at the same time.
Jillian said that she cried when she was given her Playboy pendant. Howard told her that she looked great in the Playmate video she did. He didn't like the yodeling she did though. Gary wondered if she knew how big Pauly Shore was. The guys asked her if she had sex with Pauly. She didn't answer that fast but eventually admitted that she did have sex with him. Gary asked how many dates that took before it happened. Artie walked off the show when he heard that. He'd heard enough when he found out that she slept with Pauly. Howard got her into Playboy and she goes out and sleeps with Pauly. Gary wondered why she wasn't with Michael Keaton instead. Pauly must know what he's doing. Artie came back in and said he had to have a swig of his stash of booze out in the hall. Jillian said that Pauly is a fellow comedian and he shouldn't be upset. Artie said he's not a fellow comedian, if his mother didn't own that comedy club, he'd be a receptionist at a tanning salon. Artie said it really did piss him off. Jillian said that they never asked her for her number like Pauly did. Zolar called in as Jillian's ex-boyfriend telling her that she was a bitch for sleeping with Pauly Shore.
Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Jillian a couple of questions. He wondered if she had to wear pink pajamas when she went in. She said she did put them on but she didn't have to take the bath that he asked about. She said if you go further with Hef, you do have to bathe. Jillian said there were some other celebrities she met that she wasn't interested in. She met Jon Lovitz and a bunch of football players. She didn't know their names because she's not into that stuff.
Howard wondered if she's be up for Playmate of the year. Jillian said that just getting to be a Playmate was a dream come true. She's not expecting to be Playmate of the Year. Howard mentioned that Jillian's issue of Playboy is the March issue and it's out on Friday. Paris Hilton is on the cover and Debbie Gibson is appearing in the issue as well. Gary came in and said that Artie did mention Pauly's name one time when they were goofing around with what Jillian was going to do when she went to the mansion. Jillian said that she's going to be taking some acting lessons and trying to get some work. Artie wondered what celebrity is next after Pauly Shore. He mentioned Corey Feldman's name wondering if he's next. Howard asked Jillian if the sex was good with Pauly. She said it was good and Artie threatened to walk out again. Howard told her that she can probably expect a call from Bill Cosby now. He also predicted that within 2 years, she'll be doing full on porn movies. Artie said she'll either do that or find a rich guy to marry. Artie predicted that she'll sleep with Hef and she'll be Playmate of the year. Howard predicted she'll be with David Spade or someone like Tommy Lee. Artie thinks she'll be addicted to some drug within the next year. He also thinks that she'll be the worst actress ever. Chaunce mentioned Steven Seagal's name but Howard said she'll probably turn him down. Howard said she'll probably sleep with her first black guy in the next year as well.
Howard told Jillian that she's beautiful and the move for her is to resist Pauly Shore because she's not the last stop on his gravy train. She said that even the security guards at the mansion were giving her a hard time when Pauly was coming to pick her up. Howard told Jillian to take her youth and beauty to get a relationship with someone who is rich, not just famous. Howard said that Kelsey Grammer would have been perfect for her. Howard said that a Drew Carey is the right guy... or maybe Sam Simon. Artie said that Ray Romano was perfect and Howard threw in Ron Howard's name.
A listener called in and said that Jillian's new web site, JillianGrace.net, looks good. Jillian got in some plugs for the ''Playboy the Mansion'' video game that's coming out for the Playstation 2. Jillian said she'll be in an expanded version of the game that's coming out. Richard Christy came in and told Jillian that he'll be pleasuring himself to her image tomorrow night. She said that she finds it flattering that guys pleasure themselves to her picture. Artie wanted to see her breasts again but she said they've already seen them.
Ralph called in and said that Howard should get in touch with Jillian's ex-boyfriend because they basically ruined his life. Howard played some audio from Jillian's DVD. He didn't like it because she sounds like she's reading everything. She also yodels in one clip and Howard didn't like that at all. They also played some audio clips that they made up using a phony Jillian Grace voice. Howard ended up asking Jillian to call him before she sleeps with another celebrity. He gave Jillian another plug for her web site and for the Playboy issue before he wrapped up the interview.
Another caller brought up Howard's web site redesign and said that he likes it because things are easier to find. The caller also asked Howard which one of the Olsen Twins he talked to recently. Howard said he thinks it was Mary Kate but he didn't seem sure about that. The Caller wanted a date with her but Howard told him he doesn't know them that well. Howard said John Stamos hooked his daughter up with the Olsen Twin because she's a big fan. That's how he got to talk to her.
Howard had a new phony phone call that Sal and Richard Christy made to a couple of Chinese food restaurants. They gave an order to one restaurant and then hooked the woman into another Chinese food restaurant and had her read off their order to the other place. The two women didn't know what was going on. Then they called another restaurant and had the first woman read off the order to the next place. Once again there was confusion between the two of them because they didn't know that they were two restaurants talking to each other.
Bob said that he paid $2.4 million for a 30 second commercial during the game and that means that FOX turned down an additional $2.4 for their second commercial since they didn't run it. FOX also edited out the words ''Wardrobe malfunction'' from the commercial for no good reason. Bob said they submitted the commercial with that term and the word ''game'' that FOX didn't want in there. They had to rebut the commercial and stopped doing close ups of Candice because of the censorship thing. Howard said that it's not going to stop there either. It's only going to get worse. Bob mentioned the Parents Television Council that is generating complaints and they filed 99.8 percent of the complaints that were filed with the FCC last year. Howard said he's glad that they put the commercial on there at all because they showed some balls by doing it. Bob said they got an excellent spike in visitors on their web site for just the one commercial but they were supposed to run it at the 2 minute clock at the end of the game and that would have helped. Howard said that everything is getting nuts and he's glad he's going to satellite because it's the last refuge for guys like him.
Howard congratulated Bob and said he admired him for doing what he did. He let him go a short time later so he could get back to Candice. Howard quickly mentioned an article he read about a company that's going to fire employees who smoke either at work or at home. Howard said he thinks that's going too far. He then asked Candice about getting the job for the GoDaddy.com commercial. She said that she had to audition for the part. She's also in the WWE as one of their Divas. Howard said he's seen some nude pictures of her as well. She said she did some special edition issues for Playboy. She also says she did a love scene in a movie (Hotel Erotica) a long time ago but she didn't think that was right for her. She didn't remember the name of the movie but Howard figured she was just saying that because she didn't want to say what it was. Richard Christy came in and said that he saw her on the Playboy channel last night and she was doing some stuff with another girl in a photo shoot. She says that she wants to become an actress. When she said that Artie just laughed.
Candice talked about her engagement for a minute and also said that she had B-cups back then. She eventually got implants and now she's up to a D-cup. Howard wondered if she's into big packages but the delay was hit when they were talking about that. Doug Goodstein came in a short time later and asked if they could create a ''wardrobe malfunction'' for the E! show. He asked to cut her shirt strap or maybe wet down her t-shirt. She wasn't into doing anything like that though. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Richard Christy is a creepy guy talking about these girls the way he does. Howard had Richard come back in to talk about his plans for Friday night when he'll be pleasuring himself to both Jillian Grace and Candice. Richard told Candice that he has pleasured himself to her pictures in the past. Howard wondered who Richard is going to look at first. Richard said that he's probably going to do Jillian first because she's got new pictures out. Richard has been with Candice's pictures before but he'll be doing them again on Friday night after Jillian. Howard asked him what his fantasy is when he's looking at these pictures. Richard said he thinks about these women maybe watching him or something like that. He has a music stand that he puts the magazines on to hold open the magazines. Richard sits in a swivel chair so he can move between the music stand and the computer. Richard asked Candice if she'd like to go out with him but Candice is engaged. Candice said she's never really dated anyone famous. She doesn't think that it would be able to date someone famous. She's in the business herself and that's enough for her.
Howard gave GoDaddy.com another plug and said you can see their Super Bowl commercial over there. He also gave Candice a couple of plugs for the WWE Raw show she appears in on the Spike TV network. He went to commercial break after that.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that. One guy said last night's E! show was funny with High Pitch Eric running away from the fish. There was also a guy who said that Jillian Barberie looks kay even though someone was on the air the other day saying that she looked like she'd hit the wall. Howard said he thinks she looks good whenever he sees her. He had Robin start her news right after that.
During the news Tom Chiusano came in to talk about a story that Robin brought up. That led to Howard talking about how he hates when Tom asks him for stuff after the show. He was trying to get out of there yesterday but Tom asked him a question that he doesn't even remember. His head was spinning and he just answered ''yes'' to him without even knowing what he was saying. Tom said that he was talking to him about doing live commercials. Howard asked Tom to just ask him questions during the show instead of after the show. Jason said that it's the funniest thing to watch because Tom will ask him a question and Howard will have no idea what he said so Tom just lets him go. Jason came in and said that Howard told Tom that he had no idea to what he was agreeing to but Tom didn't seem to understand that. Tom also cracked a joke about Jason not being able to hear things because he's got his head between Howard's butt cheeks.
Gary asked Howard if he wanted to talk to a guy from the New York Press who was on the phone. Howard said he'd rather wait until tomorrow to talk to that phony. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard said he was talking to Gary about the ridiculous edits that they're doing the show these days. He read the notes that Dead Air Dave had about what they hit the delay on and he hit it on Captain Janks calling a woman a ''scum bitch.'' He doesn't get why they'd hit it on that because it means nothing. Howard said he's only got 10 months left on his current contract and he can't wait to move to satellite. He also mentioned that on his web site he doesn't have any cursing or anything so that's not what he's looking to do when he moves to satellite, he just wants to get back to what he used to do on radio years ago. Howard was also talking about how Artie uses some foul language during his comedy show but he doesn't even need it. Artie said he thinks he does use it as a crutch and it works sometimes in the act. Howard said he's done that when he's made live appearances. He thinks he may just curse a bit on his first day at the new place but he probably won't keep it up. Artie said he gets to comedy clubs and thinks that he can just talk the way he would talk in a bar. He does wonder if he uses the F-word too much sometimes.
Howard said his agent got a call from Ted Harbert at E! who asked him what the new show is going to be like before they'll renew. Howard said that the show is going to be pretty much the same but he'll be able to do what he wants without the delay button being hit. A woman called in and said that the company he works for should be fighting these fines in court and not just bow down to the government like they are. Howard agrees but everyone is bowing down to the government right now. The company he works for has signed an agreement with the FCC that basically says that if Howard gets fined again, they will suspend or fire him. Howard didn't know about that agreement and he didn't have any say in it.
Howard played an audio clip from a news program that talked about the new indecency fines and people like Howard Stern could have fines that he would have to pay personally if the new bill passes. The reporter gave his own thoughts on the bill and how he thinks it's overkill. Howard said that TV is going to turn into a really boring medium if all of this fining keeps up. He said it'll be like the BBC over in England eventually. Robin said that the BBC will seem racy if it keeps up. Howard took a bunch of phone calls after that. One guy told Howard that he should just curse every chance he gets when he moves to satellite because it's exercising his freedom of speech. Another guy asked Howard if he posts the stuff the guys dump out of on his show on his web site. Howard stopped posting them because the scumbag freaks who file complaints against the show were using that stuff as ammo. Howard told the caller that they've gotten so bad there that he can't even play some of the song parodies that they've created in the past. He said the line changes every day and he's just got to get out of there.
Howard explained to the caller that there are two indecency bills trying to get passed. There's one in the senate and one in the house. The House's bill is $500,000 per offense for both the station and for the individual. The senate bill puts a cap on that amount that's lower but by the time people get their fines, they may be $20-$30 million in the hole. He said that guys who are making $250 a week on radio aren't going to be able to pay fines like that. Howard said that no one will be able to be creative on the air when those bills pass because they'll be afraid of being fined. Howard believes that the guys who are out there laughing at his move to satellite will all be looking for jobs at satellite sometime in the future. Howard was able to develop his show over the years by trying out new stuff. When that bill passes that stuff just won't happen. He believes that FM radio is just over because of that stuff.
Another caller got Howard talking about how these asswipes in government are trying to make it seem like they're doing something so they come up with these ridiculous indecency bills to try and ''clean up the airwaves.'' They can make it appear that they're actually doing something that way. In the mean time, they won't do anything about anti-aircraft weapons or other guns and weapons because the gun lobby is so strong. The broadcast industry is weak and won't defend itself in all of this. They should be fighting it in court instead of just caving in and paying fines. Howard thinks that the broadcast industry should get the same lobbyists that are defending the gun industry and have them defend the broadcasters. Howard was about to take a break but Richard Christy came in and said that the song that Howard was talking about earlier has been edited multiple times and they keep changing the rules about what they can and can't play on the air. They had to take a break a short time later.
Howard replayed a little bit of 3 Doors Down's performance of ''Kryptonite'' from earlier this week. Howard was surprised that they were able to make it sound good on his station. They usually have problems when they have bands in the studio. That led to Howard wondering what they're going to do with his big studio when he leaves. They'll probably let the other jocks use the studio. He was also wondering if they'll let them use his personal bathroom that's in the studio. Artie was thinking that the company may go with someone outside of radio to replace Howard. Howard said they are doing that and have approached people like Jon Stewart to replace him. Howard heard that he said he didn't want to wake up early to do that. Howard said he likes Jon but he thinks he would fail at it. He said that Jon just isn't that type of person. Howard doesn't know who will take over for him but they're going to get a nice studio when they do take over.
A phone caller told Howard that he thought John Kerry should have called in and thanked him for all of the support he gave him before the election. Howard said the guy did call and say that he wanted to come in during the primaries but they turned him down. Howard said the basically told him that they weren't a political show and wanted to hold off on it until after the primaries. After Howard Dean self-destructed they tried to get Kerry to come on the show but he wouldn't do it. His people probably figured that doing Howard's show might ruin his chances so they kept him away. Howard thought it would have been a classy move if Kerry had called in after the election.
Howard played a prank call that Sal the Stockbroker made using clips of Howard Dean's freak out where he mentioned the states he was going to. Sal called a travel agent and had Howard Dean telling her all of the cities he was going to be flying to. He had the woman very confused. Fred also played a medley of songs that they put together using the Howard Dean clips to replace state names in songs.
Howard said he doesn't want glass walls for his office but Gary told him he could get those glass panels that fog when you flip a switch. Howard said they could just have Gary breathe on it instead. Artie said it was about time for the ''Baker Street'' Baba Booey song. Fred played a little bit of that for them. Howard said he doesn't want the company spending all of that money on fogging glass walls if they could just put up regular walls. He said he just wants to nap in his office at the station so that's what he'll be using it for at the new place. Howard said he'd really like to have a studio right next to his apartment. Gary told him that they could decide that they can't fit in the building they're in, they could put the studio somewhere else.
Howard and Artie were talking about how they'll probably be visiting the gay station over at the new place and having some fun with them. Robin said she's tried to listen to that channel but she said she can never figure out what they're doing over there. Fred played a bunch of gay porn clips that they've played before. Howard said that's what he'll have them doing in their studio when they move over there. They were playing all kinds of gay porn clips before Howard had to take another commercial break.
Howard read that Sixx had left a video camera in a hotel room and J-Lo, Marc Anthony and another woman taped themselves. Sixx said what really happened was that they left their camera in the room and found it the next day with this video of J-Lo, Marc Anthony and another woman having sex. Howard told him to be careful because he's going to get himself in legal trouble if he sells something like that. Howard figures that he set up a hidden camera and that's how they actually got the tape. Howard told him that he should turn it into J-Lo and forget about it. Howard didn't even want to see the tape, he doesn't want anything to do with it.
Sixx said he'll have a mini-cam on him the whole time he's at the Grammys so people can watch him on his web site. Howard said it might just be a fascinating reality show if they followed him around. Artie asked Sixx to plug his new DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin'' when he goes up on stage as well. Sixx said that they won't know what hit them after he gets done.
Howard was reading the latest ''Page 69'' from his web site. He read some of the gossip from the page. He read that some of the E! show guys were dining out with Jackie the Joke Man Martling. No names were mentioned.
Howard said that deep down inside he thinks that the guy is guilty. He wants to give him a chance and thinks that it's possible that he's not guilty and he'd hate to see him accused of something that he's not guilty of. Howard said that his own Director, Scott DePace, seems to have this Peter Pan syndrome because he sits home and plays video games against kids online, with his Xbox. He knows that Scott is a regular guy though. Robin said that the evidence she's heard that they've found, it sounds like he's guilty.
Scott DePace came in to defend himself but all he wants to say is that Artie is a drunk. He didn't like the stuff Artie was saying about him. Gary thinks that Scott is addicted to this ''Halo'' game because he asked him if he could give it up for a month and he said he probably couldn't. Scott said that he avoids kids as much as he can. Gary added ''...including your own!'' after hearing that. Scott just plays online and enjoys blowing people up and stuff like that.
Ralph called in and said that the kids who do this stuff are into it to some degree. Ralph said he had an experience when he was a kid and he ran away. Chaunce pointed out that he became a stylist too. Ralph explained how he was supposed to go on a fishing trip with a priest. He was dropped off the night before. The priest pulled out some porn like a Playboy magazine or something. He said he doesn't remember exactly how it came about but once he started to show the porn, he pulled out some kind of toy that he'd never seen. It was some kind of vibrating egg or something. Ralph said he got weirded out by that. Then it was time for bed so he explained how the priest had a giant bed that you could fit like 100 people in. Then the priest offered to have Ralph sleep in the bed with them but he chose not to do that because he's not gay. Ralph remembers the bed creaking and weird noises were coming from it. He remembers the grunts and stuff like that as well. Ralph played sick the next day and didn't go out on the boat with the priest like the other kid did. Ralph said he doesn't think that every kid who gets molested is into that stuff but some are.
A caller told Howard that Robin kept cutting Artie off when he was trying to say something. Artie didn't think she did that though. Chaunce quickly told a story about an experience he had when he was about 17. There was some old guy at this track he was running at. The guy offered to coach him in running so he took him up on his offer. The guy had him run around for 3 miles and told him to meet him behind the bleachers. The guy was yelling at him like a drill sergeant and ended up pleasuring himself as he watched Chaunce doing windmills and other exercises.
Gary said he was hit on by a guy when he was about 16 years old. He said he was a stock boy at a clothing store. He said there was a nice guy who worked there and he offered to take him out to lunch one day. They were talking about sports and stuff but one day the guy took him up to the attic. The guy told Gary that he used to be out in the field when he was in the army and the guys would pleasure each other just because there were no other women around. Gary said he thought that was kind of gay but nothing ever happened. Gary quit that job and his friend worked there after him. The old guy ended up palming his friend's ass when he bent over one time so the kid hit him and almost knocked him out. Howard had to wrap up and take another break.
Howard had Pauly Shore on the phone to talk to him about Jillian Grace. Yesterday Jillian said that she had slept with Pauly so Howard wanted to talk to him about that. Howard told Pauly how they joked around with her, months ago, about how she was going to break up with her boyfriend and she'd go out to the Playboy Mansion and she'd be banging guys like Pauly Shore, Shaq, Jon Lovitz and many others. Then she came in yesterday and said she broke up with her boyfriend, has a restraining order against him, and that she had dated Pauly Shore. Jillian told them that Pauly was a great guy and she dated him a few times. She eventually admitted that she'd slept with him. Gary said that she wouldn't admit to anything until they got her to swear on a stack of bibles. Pauly thought it was pretty funny. Howard congratulated him on his conquest and Pauly just said ''okay.''
Pauly told Howard and Artie that they have to come out there to the mansion because the girls there are all there to have fun. Howard said he got a bunch of e-mail from people who were upset that Jillian had been with Pauly. Howard told Pauly he was smart and made his move with Jillian. Pauly said that kind of stuff happens once in a while so Artie asked him how many centerfolds he's had. Pauly didn't know because he couldn't remember. Howard wondered of Pauly would ever hang on to a girl like that. Pauly said that he would rather let her go off and do whatever she wants. He's not going to make her his girlfriend or anything. Pauly said he got to meet Jillian's mom as well because she wanted to see if he was okay to date her daughter. Her mom gave her the okay and let her date him.
Artie asked Pauly if Jillian told him about the restraining order she had against her ex-boyfriend. Pauly said that never came up but it kind of scares him now. Pauly would like to talk to the guy and let him know it's all good. Howard asked Pauly if he as able to hold out with Jillian or if he finished up quick. He said he had to start and stop a few times because he wouldn't last long if he didn't. Pauly told Artie to come out to the West Coast so they could hang out. Gary came in and said that Jillian had mentioned something yesterday about how Pauly was too busy to go out on a date with her because he was ''too busy'' which was funny to the guys. Pauly said that he likes being at his house because it's very comfortable. He said they ended up doing it a couple of times. He said he may hang out with her this weekend when she goes out there. He's really cool about it all. He doesn't seem to care if she hangs with him or not. Howard gave Pauly a plug for his DVD ''Pauly Shore Is Dead'' which is available now. He let him go a short time later.
King told Howard that he has to have Jewish doctors and he doesn't believe that any black doctor could be as good as his Jewish doctors. Howard couldn't get over the mink coat so he asked him about that. King said his mom asked him what he wanted for Christmas and that's what he wanted. The price was like $4,500 or so. King told Howard about his wife and kid and showed him a picture he had of his wife on his cell phone. King said his wife was recovering from her C-section last night so he went out to a strip club with a friend of his. They found a stripper there and ended up bringing her down to the show today. Howard said she wasn't bad looking. He expected a real mess. The stripper said she's 22 years old and she's been dancing since she was 16. She started when she was in high school and she would dance for guys she knew in class. She actually started her own business and would strip for guys in hotels. Howard said those kids must have said some nasty crap about her if that's the case. She said she'd charge a couple hundred bucks to dance for them but she wouldn't have sex with them. Gary was surprised they'd even let her leave the room when she did that. She said she was older than the kids she was dancing for so that was never a problem.
King pointed out that she had nice feet as well. Gary told her she was willing to get naked so Howard had her strip down. She looked good according to Artie. She took her top off so Gary asked her to strip down completely. She went right ahead and did that. She had both nipples pierced and claims that her breasts are real. Howard asked her if she was horny. She said she wasn't but Howard could get her there. King said that she's got a twin sister who strips but she wouldn't come down there with her. He didn't even get a dance from this chick though. He had some big woman giving him a lap dance. The club this chick works at is all nude and they serve alcohol there. Howard heard that and was ready to go there. Stripper chick had a flat stomach but she thinks she's out of shape right now. Artie showed her his stomach to show her a stomach that's out of shape. King said that he lost about 40-50 pounds and he'll be losing more because of the diabetes.
Howard said he'd like to get a lap dance from this chick. She said she'd give it to him but King interrupted and said ''What about Beth?'' Howard told him to quiet down about that. King mentioned that he'd been drinking this morning and Gary said that's not something you're supposed to do when you're diabetic. King said he didn't have all that much though. Howard finally learned that the stripper's name was Jennifer. She works at a club called Cat Walk up in New Haven, Connecticut. She said she also works for an agency called Playmates.
King gave Howard and Robin gifts this morning. King said that the watch he gave Howard was a $3,000 watch. Gary wondered if he actually paid that much for it. He said he did. He also gave something to Robin that she really seemed to like. Ralph called in a short time later and thought that this chick sounded perfect. She didn't talk much, she's a stripper and she was dancing for boys in high school... perfect. Jennifer said that her dad was kind of hard on her as she was growing up. She claims that she was abused as a kid by her father. She said that's probably what drove her to do this. She says she was looking for men's attention when she was in school so that's why she was dancing for the guys in high school. Ralph said she's probably crazy dirty in bed. Jennifer said she would leave that to their imagination. She no longer talks to her father and her sister went through the same thing so she might be the same way. She also told the guys that she has done bachelor parties in the past and has made out with her sister at them. Some of the guys were saying that they're getting married and need to have a bachelor party with Jennifer and her sister. She said that they do some touching as well but she wants them to book a party if they want to see what they really do.
Howard was checking Jennifer out a little more. They had her bending over and pretending to pick stuff up so they could see her ass. Ralph asked King what he did with this chick. King said he's married and he didn't do anything. He did come to the station in a limo with her though. Ralph asked Jennifer when she last had sex. He said he'd like to be the next one to do her. He hadn't even seen her yet and he knew she was his type. The delay was hit at one point while the guys were questioning Jennifer about sex. Vinnie Favale called in and asked to see a picture of this chick as soon as possible. Howard said they do have the ability to do that. Vinnie also asked for Howard to describe how she looks. Howard said she had long dark hair and dark skin. Howard said she was kind of ethnic looking. Gary said that maybe it's like Spanish/Indian. They really liked the way she looked. Howard had Jason come in and take a picture of her stomach to put up on the web site. Howard had to approve the picture before they put it up. Howard hit a button that screwed things up for some reason. He eventually picked out the pictures and told Jason to go upload them. Howard had to wrap up the interview after that. He thanked King and Jennifer for coming in.
Howard said that he's been trying to fight for free speech over the years and he's been fired for stuff he's done on the air. He said that the guy sounded like an idiot for saying the stuff he was saying because it was obvious that he was just pissed at Howard about the Giuliani thing. Howard said that these guys write articles and they don't even know the whole story so they come across as not knowing anything. He said that if they have a problem with Giuliani, they should take it up with him instead.
After the game Howard quickly went through a bunch of stuff he had sitting around. One guy said that James Lipton from ''Inside the Actors Studio'' was out to dinner wearing an Actors Studio jacket and hat but no one was paying him any attention. Howard also had some tapes to play but he wanted to end the show and saved the stuff for some other time.
Double A called in and said that the pictures of Jennifer the Stripper weren't uploaded yet. Jason came in and told them that the pictures are up on the Vagina Corner section of the site. Howard said that site has become quite a monster and they have to keep feeding that monster. Howard said he still hasn't figured out how to make money on there. Then he said he's just too busy to make that happen. Howard had to take another break before Robin's news.
Dominic Barbara called in and said they can do a drug test on Artie by taking some hair samples. They can tell exactly what drugs he's taken in the past year and approximate what month they may have been done in. Artie said he'd be willing to do that so Dominic said he'd mail in the kit on Monday. Artie seemed to be having second thoughts about it after a few minutes. Artie said he might have been in a room with some people who were smoking weed but Howard said they don't care about weed. They just want to know about the coke. Artie was asking about prescription pills and Tylenol with codeine in it. Dominic said they can find all of that stuff in this test. Artie admits that he takes some prescription drugs but hasn't done coke or crystal meth in a long time. Dominic had a few thoughts on the Michael Jackson case that he shared with Howard before he got off the phone. Artie said that he really is willing to take this test but Howard doesn't think he actually will. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:45am.