For the week of 12/19/2005 to 12/23/2005

• The Benjy Bronk Show. 12/19/05. 6:10am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Angry black guy yelling about Howard and the white people. Benjy Bronk interviews a guy at the Republican National Convention.

  A couple of weeks ago Benjy Bronk, a Howard Stern Show staff writer, played a piece of tape for Howard from a few years ago. In that tape Howard told Benjy that, when he retired from radio, he would allow Benjy to have one day of his own to do his own radio show. Benjy wanted that chance so Howard figured he'd give it to him if Tom Chiusano would allow it. Tom said he'd allow it but if Benjy's show didn't go very well, they'd pull him off the air. That's what we were treated to this morning...

  Benjy's show didn't start until about 6:20 in the morning because there were apparently some phone problems. Benjy started off the show taking a call from Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Benjy talked to Daniel Carver about his hate for blacks and then introduced 12 year old Leticia, the daughter of one of the sales staff members, so he could explain his hatred. The woman playing the part of Leticia was crying and saying that she was hurt by Daniel's words.

  Benjy tried to have Daniel explain to the 12 year old girl why he has to use the N-word while the 12 year old was crying. Daniel didn't get much of a chance to do that because Benjy had to go to a commercial break.

• Benjy Interviews Fran Baskerville The Singing Psychic. 12/19/05. 6:35am
  After the commercial break Benjy came back with Fran Baskerville the Singing Psychic. He told her that she should have warned him yesterday that the phone lines were going to be all screwed up this morning. She didn't seem to have a clue about what he was talking about.

  Fran went on to sing some predictions about what she thinks will happen with Howard. Benjy then said that Fran has predicted many things like 9/11, and many other tragic incidents. Benjy thinks that her singing predictions will some day be studied like Nostradamus some day.

  Benjy had Fran tell the story about how she got her psychic abilities after being in an accident with a tractor trailer. Fran has also been awarded the Worlds Greatest Psychic Award but she didn't seem to know where it came from.

  Benjy took a phone call from a woman who said she just ran across this show this morning hearing it for the first time. Benjy let her know that this was a special day because it's his final (and first) show. The woman wanted to know more about the interview they played at the start of the show so Benjy had to explain to her that they were just trying to fill time while they fixed the phones that were screwed up.

  Benjy tried to get the caller to ask Fran a question so Fran could sing her prediction. The caller didn't know what to ask so Fran just sang a prediction about her taking a trip to California. Benjy also had Fran predict the next 9/11 type of disaster. Fran predicted that it won't be in the United States, it'll be in France and it will be the Eiffel Tower that goes down.

  Fran sang some predictions about who the next celebrity death will be and said it would be Billy Graham. Benjy took another call from a guy who asked Fran if Howard Stern was going to kick ass on Eh, Ehh, Ehh (SIRIUS). Fran said he would and then sang one of her songs about that.

  Benjy let another caller ask Fran about his relationship with his girlfriend. Fran told him things would be good for them which is what the caller wanted to hear. He said that things are wonderful with the woman but he wanted to hear it from someone else. Fran sang a song about how there may be a lesbian thing going on between Hillary Clinton and Ellen ''Degenerative.''

  Benjy brought a guest into the studio by the name of Jeff. He asked Fran to try and predict what Jeff's very ''special thing'' was. She sang a prediction about him that had nothing to do with the special thing. She also said that she didn't want to get into what it was that Jeff's special thing was because it was personal.

  Benjy took a call from a guy by the name of CC who asked when his marriage was going to fail and when he would get a divorce. Fran sang one of her songs about how the guy would probably go back and forth with his wife but the divorce probably won't happen.

  Benjy tried to get Fran to predict Jeff's problem again but she didn't want to get into that. Jeff the Vomit Guy then told Fran that he likes to have women vomit on him so Fran suggested that he might want to get some therapy. She also sang him a song and said that he must have had some trauma in his life but Jeff said that he never did. Jeff told Benjy that there was no trauma and his parents were actually very good to him. He saw one of his cousins throw up one time and that's when he started to realize that he was turned on by the vomiting.

  Benjy talked to Jeff about his life and how he still lives with his father. His mother passed away about 3 years ago. Jeff said that he does have some part time jobs where he makes a little bit of money. There's nothing steady though. As he was talking about all of that it sounded like Fran yawned... which is basically the same way I was feeling as I listened to this interview.

  Benjy had Fran sing them out to a break. She sang a nice song about Jeff the Vomit Guy saying that he has some creativity in him that will help him out in his life.

• Shirley From GodHatesFags.com Calls In. 12/19/05. 7:05am
  After the break Benjy played a prank call he made to a woman where he played the part of a librarian trying to find out why this woman had checked out ''Green Eggs and Ham'' and if she had recited passages from the book. The woman had no idea what he was talking about but stayed on the line as he jerked her around.

  Jeff the Vomit Guy was still there after the break. Benjy introduced him as well as Sour Shoes, Louis the Board Op and Shirley from GodHatesFags.com was on the phone. Sour Shoes sang a song about Shirley and then Shirley sang one for them with her family. She and her family sang about Santa Claus taking kids to hell if people keep telling their kids about him.

  Shirley said that she and her family will be out spreading the word of God... which is actually the hatred of ''fags.'' They have a meeting at a high school this morning where they will be spreading their ''gospel.'' Benjy tried to interview Shirley about this insanity. She said that her kids have never told her that they don't want to go out and spread the word with her. They all love what they do according to Shirley.

  Shirley said that there are two types of people in the military today, fags and fag enablers. She said that's the reason that they come home in body bags. Benjy asked her why God doesn't target more specific people if he hates the fags so much. Shirley said that God does target them and that's why they're getting killed over there.

  Shirley was saying that all gays eat each other's feces but Benjy and Jeff the Vomit Guy said that's not true. Shirley said that you can read about it on the internet and that's what all of the gays do. Benjy asked if he could talk to Shirley's son Gabriel. Benjy called him a cutie and asked him if he was having fun in Florida spreading the hate. He asked him if he ever wants to just stay home and watch TV instead of going out and spreading the hate. Gabe said he'd rather go out and spread the word. Gabe's mother was telling Gabe what to say... Benjy had to cut him off an ask him to stick with him through the commercial break.

• Benjy Interviews Pete Best. 12/19/05. 7:30am
  After the break Benjy tried to get Shirley or Gabe back on the phone but they weren't there. He got Gary the Retard, his mother and Pete Best on the line. Benjy played one of the Beatles songs that Pete played drums on and then asked him what he's been up to the past few years. Pete told Benjy about his tour and how they released a ''Best of the Beatles'' compilation.

  Benjy had some notes about Pete so he asked him a few questions... it turns out the notes were about Ringo Starr. Pete started to tell Benjy about his life but Benjy cut him off and said he had to let his mother go. Then he interrupted again when he asked Gary the Retard to say hello to Pete.

  Benjy asked Pete if he thinks that he will ever get back together with John, Paul and George. Pete let Benjy know that John and George are no longer with them and both have passed away. Benjy said that maybe Pete and Paul can get back together some day. Pete said that there has been some talk of that but it isn't happening right now. Benjy played a few of the Beatles songs that he thought Pete played on but none of the songs were his. Pete said he couldn't hear any of the stuff they were playing for him.

  Gary the Retard asked ''Beatle'' what kind of music he likes. Pete said that he's a rocker from way back so he likes a lot of the old rockers from the United States like Little Richard and guys like that. Benjy gave Pete a plug for the ''Best of the Beatles'' and for PeteBest.com

  Benjy took some phone calls for Pete. One guy said that Pete sucks and he's no Beatle. Another guy asked Pete if he gets royalty checks from the band. Pete said he does get royalty checks but they're not big enough where he can not work.

  Benjy wanted Pete to do some drumming for them on the phone but all Pete had to drum on was the phone. Benjy asked him to tap on the phone but Pete seemed to be a bit lost. Sour Shoes played the song and let Pete off the hook while everyone in the studio sang the song... The train wreck of a show continued... Benjy tried to get Pete to tap on the phone but Sour Shoes didn't stop his music to give him the chance.

  Gary Dell'Abate came in and tried to save the interview. He asked Pete what time it was where he was calling in from. It was in the afternoon. Gary asked Benjy if they were going to do the bit they were going to do or if they were going to stick with this bit.

• The End Of The Benjy Bronk Show. 12/19/05. 7:50am
  Gary tried to take over for Benjy so they could get to this bit they were going to do. He said that Sour Shoes calls him every morning and has Gary try and guess the names of the songs that he would perform. Sour Shoes played a song and Gary was able to guess it. Pete Best was still on the phone but didn't know what song it was. Sour Shoes played a second song and asked Gary the Retard to guess what song it was. Gary didn't know what it was but Baba Booey did.

  Sour Shoes played a couple more songs but Gary could tell that this wasn't going over very well so he was going to step out of the studio and let Benjy continue his show. He also asked if anyone had mentioned that the studio wreaked of some horrible stench. Benjy said that it was probably Jeff the Vomit guy... right around that time Pete Best hung up on them.

  Benjy had Shirley from GodHatesFags.com back on the phone. You could hear her whole family singing in the background. Benjy was going to ask her to wait for him to come back from break but Benjy found out that his show was being cut off. Tom Chiusano was there telling him that it was time to end it.

  Benjy gave plugs for everyone who was still in the studio. Jeff Levy got in some plugs for HowardShrine.com, Sour Shoes got in one for ScreamingHand.com and Benjy's friend Angela Muto got in a plug for AngelaMuto.com. Benjy was told to end the show but he kept going trying to interview Gary the Retard. It was a complete mess so Benjy told Gary he'd call him back on another line as they were playing the bumper to go to break.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/19/05. 8:05am
  After the Benjy show disaster, they played some Best of Stern stuff. Here's what we heard...
  • Actor Tom Sizemore Calls In. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/25/02. 8:45am
      Actor Tom Sizemore called in to promote his TV show ''Robbery Homicide'' which airs tonight. Howard had other plans for him though. Tom used to date Heidi Fleiss but they broke up and there was an article in the National Enquirer about what broke them up. Howard read the article which basically said that they broke up after Heidi found out Tom had a couple of hookers at his hotel room up in Canada. Tom just laughed through the whole interview and told Howard that it wasn't true. Some of the stuff was true but he claims that he wasn't with the hookers. Howard read most of the article but Tom said he knew Howard was going to ambush him with that stuff and he didn't want to talk about it. He kept trying to plug his TV show instead. Robin said she's seen the show and it's very good. Howard said he doesn't have time to watch the show so he's never seen it.

      Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who interviewed Tom one time. Chaunce said after the interview was published Tom got pissed off at him and now he doesn't like him. Chaunce said the interview was great and very revealing. Tom said he's not a fan of Chaunce's anymore.

      Howard spent a few more minutes with Tom and asked him if he'd get back together with Heidi Fleiss if she wanted him to. He said he'd do it right away if she wanted him back. He never really did give the reason for their breakup.

  • The Judy Garland Tapes. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/23/01. 7:15am
      Vinnie Favale from CBS has been sitting in all week waiting to play tapes of Judy Garland rambling for Howard. He's also been talking about all of the CBS shows and how great they are. Howard wanted to hook him up to a lie detector to see if he actually thinks that the shows are good.

      Howard first played the Judy Garland tapes that he's been talking about all week. Vinnie edited down the tapes to just the good parts. Apparently the tapes are from the time when she had lost her CBS show and she was divorced and living in England. Someone suggested that she voice her thoughts on tape so a book could be written about her life. Howard played a bunch of the clips and she just rambles in what sounds like a drunken rage. She complains about not knowing how to use the tape recorder and how it's a ''Nazi machine''. In another clip she wonders why she flies around in airplanes with a ''cast'' of people she couldn't care less about. She said she doesn't want to die with these people who sit around reading ''Readers Digest''. She also complains about her ex-husband Sid Luft and how he doesn't care about anyone except himself. The tapes were hilarious.

      For some reason Vinnie thought that there were many similarities between Judy and Howard. Some of his examples included... both were divorced, both had kids, both were in their 40's, both battled CBS over money, both were mentally abused by their parents, both saw psychiatrists, both talk in a microphone, both like their wine, both can't play sports, both lost money in their divorce, both had daughters that wanted to be performers and while Judy hung out with gays, Howard hung out with Ralph.

  • Howard Talks To Hank The Dwarf For The First Time. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 8/16/96.
      Early this morning when the crew were coming in to the building they noticed a drunk midget saying that he was going to be on the show. Of course a midget is welcome anytime on the show so he was ushered on. Hank, who doesn't like to be called a midget, came in really drunk and angry. Hank said that calling midgets 'midgets' is like calling them 'nig*ers'. So Hank prefers to be called a dwarf...please remember that! So anyway the little midget was barely able to speak. Howard was loving it. Hank said that he hates Jews, Catholics, Blacks and Cops. Howard hung with Hank for a while and Hank even ended up showing Howard the size of his penis. Howard was curious so he asked him to pull it out. Hank didn't even hesitate to pull down his pants and yank it out. Howard was pretty surprised. Hank said that he's been drinking since he was 8 years old! I don't think that he's stopped since! He was sloshed. At one point a black woman called in and said that she'd like to go out with this little man even though he hates all these people. She said that she likes people that hate other people and she's really curious to go out with him. Howard invited her down and off she went. Later in the show she came down to the studio. Howard said that Ralph brought in a Superman costume for Hank to wear. When Hank came into the studio he wasn't wearing the costume. Howard asked Ralph why he wasn't wearing it. Ralph said that he didn't want to go back and ask the dwarf if he wanted to wear a costume. Howard called Ralph a freak and a retard and kicked him out of the studio. Howard also said that Ralph no longer does his hair...I did not know that. So this woman, D(ebra). Ann, came in and Howard said that she was really cute! As soon as she walked in Hank had his hand on her ass! She says that she's a psychology major and she just wanted to meet this angry little man. D. Ann said that her 8 year old daughter wants to beat up Hank. Hank asked why and D. Ann said ''because she doesn't like midgets...''. Gary came in and said that the plan for these two was a carriage ride around Central Park and maybe lunch if D. Ann sticks around. So the two of them left the studio. When Howard and Robin started the news with Gilbert Gottfried, Howard asked Gilbert if he wanted to see Hank in his Superman Costume. Of course Gilbert couldn't refuse so in came Superman. Hank was going to be wearing the costume for his carriage ride. What a site that must have been. Even later in the show Gary came in and said that Hank was running around the station in his costume, barefoot, like a little kid. This should make some good E! shows...

• The Best Of Stern. 12/20/05. 6:00am
  From what I've heard, many of Howard's affiliates around the country have dropped the show for the remainder of the year. WXRK, where Howard's show originated from, is still playing reruns of his show until December 30th when his contract runs out. They've been playing quite a bit of older material from the early 90s so it's been a reminder of what the show used to be like... and perhaps what the show will return to once Howard returns at SIRIUS Satellite Radio on January 9, 2006. Here's what we heard today...
  • Tom Arnold Intro.
  • Playboy Playmates Stacy and Julie Visit. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/26/96. Playboy Playmates, Stacy Sanches and Julie Selini, came in this morning to plug some 900 number football thing, 900-820-6666, $3 per call. Before they came in Howard had a vibrator going and was wondering if the girls would let him vibrate them. Howard played with the vibrator for a minute or two before they came in. Of course when they came in they didn't want Howard to come near them with the vibrator. The two Playmates used to be best friends but they've gone their separate ways because they no longer get along. They explained their whole story for a good 10-15 minutes. Both of them are out on this publicity thing and they don't even talk to each other anymore. One of them said that they just sat there in the green room not saying a word to each other! Then Howard wanted to test their IQ's. He asked them the usual easy questions that he asks of beautiful women. These two were just barely able to answer the questions... Surprise, surprise... Before they left Howard talked to them about their breasts. Julie says hers are real. She also said that Stacy's are fake and hard as a rock.
  • The Losers performing ''Herdy Gerdy Man.''
  • Sam Kinison With Richard Simmons.
    • In this classic segment (which isn't in my archives) a drunken Sam Kinison visits Howard and talks about his relationship with Richard Simmons. Howard called Richard to get him in on the conversation while Sam attempted to stay quiet. Richard hung up on them after they made fun of the fat people one too many times.
  • Sam Kinison with Carol Alt.
    • In this segment, which was a continuation of the earlier Kinison segment, Model Carol Alt came in for a visit while Sam was there and had to deal with his drunken discussions. Sam was also very taken with Carol and was touching her and coming on to her while she was in to promote a song that she was going to be releasing.
  • The Losers Performing ''Bang a Gong.''
  • Sam Kinison with David Brenner.
    • The Sam Kinison visit continued when David Brenner visited Howard while Sam was still at Howard's studio. Sam sounded more and more drunk as the morning was going on. He was scheduled to appear on both Joan Rivers and David Letterman's shows that day so he was going to be a mess by the time he did them. He stuck around during Robin's news and continued to joke around and slur his speech the whole time.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/21/05. 6:00am
  Another day, another rerun. Here's what was played on today's The Best of Stern...
  • Artie Vs. Marissa Graby, Las Vegas 2003. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 4/23/03. 7-8am
    (Snipped) After taking another break Howard and the guys were outside for Artie's basketball game. He described the scene and said that the game was sponsored by Bally Total Fitness. Sitting next to Howard was Larry Michael who would be announcing the game for them. Larry said he was wrong when he picked Cabbie to win the fight against Stuttering John so he was going to pick Artie to win today. He said Artie has the advantage of ''girth'' against Marissa. Marissa has a height advantage though. Howard asked Marissa how much she weighs. She said she's at 175 or so. Artie claimed he was the same weight. Howard went on to introduce ''Marv Albert'' who was also sitting in for the game. The Marv impersonator had a few jokes to throw in about Artie. Artie had a wireless microphone hooked up to him so he'd be able to talk during the game. Howard started the game a short time later. He had to plug SportChalet.com since they hooked them up with the basketball equipment. Howard then turned it over to Michael Buffer who gave them a rundown of the players. Marissa Graby is 6'2'' tall and weighs in 175 pounds. Artie is 5'10'' tall and weighs in somewhere between 200 and 300 pounds depending on how much he's eaten or thrown up that day. Buffer then gave them a ''Let's get ready for Roundball!''

    Howard turned it over to Larry Michael and introduced the ref, Bobby McRoy. The game started and Marissa took the ball. It was a 15 point game and the winner had to win by 2 points. Artie got the first point and the crowd went nuts when he got it. Artie took another shot and hit it again. Marissa finally got one a short time later. Marissa missed a free throw but got another basket within seconds. Artie got another one which brought it to 3-2. Artie was fouling Marissa according to Robin. Artie hit another shot and got his fourth shot in. Howard bet that he wouldn't even get 4 shots so he lost $1,200. Artie had to take a break a short time later because he was winded and needed a drink of water. The score was 4-3. Artie hit another one a minute later bringing it to 5. Larry Michaels was giving the play by play the whole time. Howard said that Marissa's nose was bleeding at one point. Robin said Artie was playing kind of rough. Marissa fouled Artie at one point. Within a short time it was 9-4 with Artie winning. He was hitting shots from way outside and was making just about every shot. He was dominating the game much to the surprise of Howard. The score was 10-5 and Artie hit another according to Larry. The crowd started cheering Artie's name. Robin wondered where this was coming from because Artie is no athlete. During most of the game they had the song ''Sweet Georgia Brown'' playing like it was a Harlem Globetrotters game. Artie was up to 12-5 and Marissa finally hit another shot. Howard said this was more exciting than a professional game. Robin said it's obvious that Artie doesn't have a problem hitting a woman in the face. He was fouling her a lot during the game. The score was soon 12-8 with Artie winning. Marissa was finally catching up and got it up to 12-9. Robin said Artie was getting tired. The score was soon 13-10. Artie shot another one and got it up to 14-10. One more point and he'd win. Howard said Artie was out of breath but he was still hanging in there. He was missing a few shots here and there. Marissa got it up to 14-12... Then it was 14-13, then 14-14! The winner had to win by 2 points. Marissa went up, took a shot and missed. Artie also missed a shot. The two of them were both missing shots like crazy. Larry said both of them looked tired by this time. Marissa ended up winning 16-14. Artie was upset and didn't give her a hug. Artie played really well so Howard let him know. Artie admitted defeat and wished Marissa luck with the ten grand. Marissa came back from a 12-6 score to beat Artie. Artie said that he still thinks he can beat a WNBA chick. Howard introduced a guy from Bally Total Fitness who presented Marissa with some fitness equipment. Howard spoke to her for a minute and gave Bally a few plugs since they put up the $10,000 for the game. Artie thanked Bally himself since he worked out a bit before this game. He said without them, he would have lost 16-13 instead of 16-14. Howard gave plugs to Larry Michael and Michael Buffer as well. He took a break a short time later.

  • Artie's Basketball Game Discussed, Las Vegas 2003. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 4/23/03. 8-9am
    Most of the basketball game took place during the 8 o'clock hour. It started earlier but ran until about 8:20 or so. When Howard came back from break, around half past the hour, he was back inside the Hard Rock. He was complaining about his microphone and headphones not working correctly. He asked Scott the Engineer to get things working. He then congratulated Artie on almost winning. Artie said he didn't get one call in his favor during the game. He said he was getting fouled quit a bit. Gary told Artie that he beat up a chick while he was out there because he was fouling her like crazy. Gary said that Artie has ''an amazing shot'' though. A listener called in and told Artie he sucks and should be forced to go home. Howard wondered when all of this is going to air. Doug Goodstein said something about 2 weeks but even Howard didn't know what he was talking about. Artie said if they had played to 11 points, he would have won. He was really worn out by the end of the game. A few people called in to complain about Artie losing because he was so confident he was going to win.

    Howard said things were going ''fairly smoothly'' even though he wasn't able to hang up on the listener who called in. Robin said they'd have everything fixed by Thursday, their last day there.

    Benjy was there at the casino so Howard pointed him out. A couple of weeks ago they talked about putting posters of him all over the casino but Benjy wouldn't let them. Joe Cancer was there so Howard spent a short time talking to him. He was supposed to be dead by now so Zolar started yelling at him to die already. Zolar also yelled at Artie about losing. He called him ''Not-so-Manute-Bol'' and ''Fatrick Ewing'' before Howard got back to Joe Cancer. He said he was told he'd be dead soon 15 months ago because his cancer came back. He just won't die. Joe told Howard that someone from his family will contact Howard when he does die.

    Howard said Nicole Bass has a whole new look and looks like Jennifer Aniston with balls. Artie said she looks like Jennifer Aniston as a huge guy. John the Stutterer was calmed down so Howard quickly said hello to him. Joey Boots was still there so Howard spoke to him because he thought he was kicked out. Joey said it was Melrose who was kicked out. Yucko the Clown said he wants a piece of John the Stutterer. John said he'll take him on out in the parking lot. Nicole Bass wants to take on Joey Buttofucco so now they have an undercard of John the Stutterer and Yucko.

  • Classic Recordings of Howard's Family.
  • In this classic segment, which is not in my archives due to it's age, Howard plays some old tapes that his father recorded when he'd bring the family to the recording studio he worked at. This is when we heard ''Shut up! Sit Down!'' for the first time on the air. Ben Stern also caught some of his own singing on the tapes so Howard and the guys listened to that. Those are the tapes where Ben said ''I told you not to be stupid you moron...'' after Howard joked about ''the Japs.''
  • More Stern Family Tapes.
  • Howard continued to play his family tapes for days after the first time (mentioned earlier). He had his father yelling at him as he was singing. Ben also tested out the equipment for ''proper modulation'' and explaining how to do that by looking at a ''green type of tube.'' Howard's father called in to talk about all of the tapes as well and tried to explain why he was yelling at Howard in those tapes.
  • Sam Kinison Discussions.
  • In another segment that was too old to be in my archives, Howard talked about his time with Sam Kinison from the day before (which was in yesterday's Best of Stern). Sam was really drunk during the show and he was supposed to go on a Joan Rivers TV show and then the David Letterman show. Kinison never made it to Joan's show so Joan called Howard to talk to him about what was going on. Then Joan went to Sam's hotel room and tried to find out what was going on. She was told Sam wouldn't be doing the show. Then Letterman's people canceled Sam's appearance on his show.
  • Bobo Asks Fred Questions. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 1/7/02. 6:05am
    (Snipped) Howard took a call from Bobo the Extreme Fan who asked if Fred ever made up with his estranged brother. Fred said he did make up with him over the holidays. Bobo was playing a game of ''What Would Fred Say?'' but the first question about his brother was the only one that no one knew about. He asked a bunch of other questions like ''Is Fred circumcised?'' (No) and a question about what pictures Fred brings along with him when he goes on a trip (his dog and wife). He also asked if Stuttering John and Benjy were stuck in a burning building and Fred could only save one, which one would it be? Fred said he'd rather not save either one because he might get burned himself.
  • Actor Robert Duvall Comes In. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 3/28/03. 8:40am
    Howard came back from break and talked about the E! special that's on tonight. He said he has to promote it because E! won't do it.

    Howard read a memo he got from the Hard Rock Hotel Casino asking him what he would like in his room to make it special for him. Howard said he was thinking of not staying there when they go out to Vegas because so many fans are there when he's there. Then they started asking him what they could do for him. Howard said it would be cool to have a pool table in the room but he probably wouldn't play. Howard asked Artie what would be cool in there. Artie thought the pool table would be cool but then Howard said Artie would come up and sit there saying nothing if they did that. Artie didn't know what he was talking about. He sadi he hung out with Howard playing Blackjack for 4 hours one day they were out in Vegas. He said he'd love to hang out with Howard out there. Howard asked him if he's bringing his girlfriend. Artie sadi seh'll be there. Howard figured Artie would be acting differently this time since he's been dating her so long now. Artie said he's still going to be drinking and gambling though.

    Howard said Robert Duvall (Bobby D) was there so he wanted to read some notes on him before he came in. He quickly went through them. Gary came in and sadi that Duvall isn't a big fan of Michael Moore. He said Howard might want to ask him about that later. Howard said Duvall is one of the greatest living actors. He had a top five list of the greatest actors. That list included:

    • Robert Duvall
    • Dustin Hoffman
    • Robert De Niro
    • Al Pacino
    • Gene Hackman
    Howard said he left himself off the list. He said he also left off Jack Nicholson who is better than Hackman. Gary asked him about Tom Hanks but Howard didn't think he belonged on that list. Robin said Tom Hanks can do comedy, drama... anything. Howard decided to have Bobby D come in to talk about the best actors. Duvall came in and Howard said he just wanted to look at him. He didn't want him to say anything. Duvall said he could name a couple of actors from Argentina who are better than the guys on his list. Duvall told Howard that Nicholson doesn't belong on that list. He called ''About Schmit'' ''About Schtick.'' Howard asked Duvall if he thinks he's the best actor ever. Duvall said he's not. He, Howard and Robin went through soem other actors and talked about who was good.

    Duvall said he hung out wiht Howard one time at a pool and Howard was asking him if some chick was looking at him. Duvall said Howard was covering up when she was looking at him and stuff. Duvall brought up Howard's daughters and said he was going to try and get his oldest daughter. Robin said Howard could have Bobby D as a son-in-law. Howard was sighing in pain when he heard that. Howard ended up asking Duvall about the chicks he's banging these days. He talked about his young girlfriend for a short time.

    Howard got back to the best actor ever list. Marlon Brando's name came up and Duvall said he's one of the best. Howard quickly moved on to ask Duvall about the war and what he thought of Michael Moore's speech at the Academy Awards. Duvall called him a jerk but didn't go off on him too long. Howard and Robert talked about the war a little bit. Duvall asked Howard about his young girlfriend. Howard turned it around and asked Duvall about his hot chick. He and Duvall also talked about the time they hung out together. Howard thanked Duvall for pretending to like him and let him hang out there. That led to them talking about this movie ''Assassination Tango'' that's coming out soon. Duvall is in the movie and loves the Tango dance.

    Earlier in the morning Artie was preparing to do his Tourrettes stuff for Bobby D. He started asking Duvall some questions and started to do the grunts and stuff. Duvall thought he was Stuttering John or something. Artie asked him a few questions like that before Howard moved on to take some phone calls.

    Howard took a call from a woman who wondered how Farrah Fawcett was to work with. Duvall didn't have anything bad to say about her. Howard took another call from a woman who told Duvall he's the best actor ever. A guy called in and said he couldn't believe he was talking to his two favorite guys, Howard and Robert Duvall. The guy said that he owns the Cape Cod radio station that Howard is on. He also said that he was bunk mates with Duvall in the army. He had some stories about him that weren't quite true. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy. A guy called in and said his mother used to date Duvall. He mentioned his mother's name and Duvall seemed to recognize her name.

    Howard thanked Duvall for coming in and gave him another plug for his movie. He wrote and directed it so he spent a minute talking about that. Duvall kept bringing up Howard's daughters and how he's going to date them. Howard and Duvall talked about a couple of other things like ''Godfather 3'' and how he wasn't in it. Duvall said he saw number 3 and didn't laugh at it like Howard figured he would. Duvall said he thinks they're working on number 4 now too. ARtie was still throwing in an outburst here and there at this point. Howard and Duvall talked about a few more actors they like. Howard asked Duvall if he's seen his movie yet. Duvall said he's only seen clips so far. Howard wondered why he hasn't watched it yet. He didn't have a reason so Howard said he'd send him a copy if he'd agree to watch it. He said he'd do that for him. Howard told him he can come in anytime he wants to. Duvall ended up making a comment about how funny Howard would look flopping around on top of a girl. Robin asked him how old he is because he looks like he's in good shape. Duvall said he's 72 now. Gary came in a few seconds later and said Duvall had to go because he has a lot of other interviews lined up this morning. Howard then took a break and let Duvall go.

  • Hank The Dwarf's Date Discussed. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 8/19/96.
    Last Friday Hank and his date, D. Ann, went out on a carriage ride in Central Park. Howard had tape of it today along with an almost sober Hank on the phone. Hank was really drunk and dressed in a Superman outfit while in the carriage. He's so short that he needed a boost in to the carriage. He was so drunk that he couldn't even stay up straight in his seat so D. Ann had to hold him up. Howard played a little bit of tape with Hank saying that he'd have sex with D. Ann right there in the carriage. When Howard asked Hank if he remembered all of this Hank said that some of it was a little fuzzy. Howard figured out that D. Ann just came down to the studio to meet him, not Hank. Halfway through the carriage ride D. Ann was picking up other guys! Sounds like a dream date for Hank huh?

• The Best Of Stern. 12/22/05. 6:00am
  It's only 17 more days until Howard makes his satellite radio debut on SIRIUS. Meanwhile we still get to hear some Best of Stern. Here's what we heard today...
  • Howard Stern and The Losers performing ''Radio Niggas.''
  • Howard Lectures Gary About His Marriage. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 11/30/01. 6:05am
    Gary came in late this morning because he had to take the train in. Howard asked Gary if his wife needed the car or something. Gary said he's going up to Boston today and he's taking the train. Howard asked him why his wife didn't just drop him off and take the car home. Gary didn't understand why Howard was picking on him and ended up using the F-word on the air. He thinks that Howard was just twisting things around trying to make him miserable or something. Howard told him to get out of the studio but he wanted to stay. Stuttering John was laughing with his evil laugh at Gary's situation. Gary has to work tonight and then he has to watch the kids on Saturday because his wife is doing something. She's selling some jewelry or something so she's ''working'' according to Gary. At one point Howard said Gary was actually crying about the situation. Gary said he wasn't crying but he couldn't talk about this stuff anymore. Howard eventually apologized for goofing on him because he realized Gary wasn't mad at him, he was mad at his own life. Gary said he can't sleep late on Sunday because his wife won't be able to sleep in late Saturday morning. They have to do things equally with the kids.

    Howard thinks Gary has given up a lot since he got married. He used to get tons of women and now he's stuck taking care of his kids. Howard was feeling bad for him and said he missed the old Gary. Howard had to take a break so Gary got a plug in real quick for his appearance up in Boston. He said he'll be at The Harp across from the Fleet Center tonight.

  • Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' Vs. 11 Year Old Kid. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 5/16/02. 7:25am
    Andrea, the woman who won the title of ''Miss Howard Stern'' a couple of months ago, came in to compete against an 11 year old in a general knowledge quiz. Andrea was formerly known as the World's Dumbest Stripper so Howard wanted to see just how dumb she was. Jason, the 11 year old, came in and said he's not all that smart. Howard went on to ask them a bunch of general knowledge questions like:
    • What is 10 x 10?
    • What were the names of Christopher Columbus' boats?
    • If the President dies, who takes his place?
    • Juneau is the capital of what state?
    It went on and on because they were tied for most of the contest. Howard had to do about 10 tie-breakers before they finally had a winner. Jason ended up winning by one question when he answered ''Which war did Paul Revere make his famous ride in?'' Andrea answered ''World War I'' but Jason knew the correct answer of ''The Revolutionary War.'' Howard gave him a couple of prizes for his win and gave Andrea a couple of plugs for her web site SeeAndrea.com
  • Ian the Drunk Russian Rambles On And On. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 1/15/97. 6:10am
    This drunken bastard calls in to the show almost every day according to Gary and John. Today he was complaining about the usual kind of crap. While he was rambling about Ivan Reitman being a ''nobody'' Howard would just keep talking to Robin. Ian can talk and talk without stopping for hours. Stuttering John once said that he can put Ian on hold for 10 minutes then pick up and Ian didn't even know that he had been on hold! Back before the Presidential election Ian had promised to come down to the studio after the election was over. Well he hasn't come down and he still wouldn't agree to come down. Howard didn't have to hang up on Ian today like he usually does. Ian actually said ''good bye'' for once.
  • Beavis and Butt-Head Howard Stern bumper.
  • Mystery Guest - John Kennedy Jr. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 3-15-96. Howard found out who the mystery guest was so he ran the bit this morning. Fred went first and asked if the guy was in TV, he did some tv but doesn't have his own show. Jackie was next and asked him if he was a sports star. Robin's turn came and she blurted out 'it's John Kennedy Jr.' She said that she recognized his voice because she had watched a biography about him on A&E last night. So anyway, John F. Kennedy in the studio is pretty awkward for Howard since he always busts on the guy about how he doesn't work. Apparently John wrote a note to Howard saying that he has a good sense of humor and would love to have Howard on the cover of his magazine, George. Howard thought it would be cool and did it. He met John John at the photo shoot. John seemed to be pretty cool with Howard but he won't be showing up on the E! show. He doesn't want anyone to see his face near Howard's I guess. Howard asked which of the other Kennedy's are fans of his. I guess none of them, the subject changed. Near the end of the interview, Howard brought in all of the horny women from the offices at K-Rock. They were all speechless. What the hell is it about this guy?
  • John Kennedy Jr. Discussions.
  • This segment was not in my archives. After the John Kennedy visit, Howard talked about his experiences with him when he went to shoot the cover of ''George'' magazine. He and Robin ended up arguing about whether or not Howard should have told Robin that Kennedy was coming in as a guest.
  • George Takei Meets George Takei Jr.
  • In another segment that isn't in my archives (since it's pre-1996) George Takei calls in to talk to Howard and George Takei Jr. (Billy West). Howard talked to Takei about his deep voice as Billy West impersonated him so close that it was sometimes hard to tell which Takei was which.
  • The Losers Performing ''Wipe Out'' On Magic Johnson's TV show.
  • Howard Paints Like Jackson Pollock. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 4/4/01. 6:05am
    (Snipped) Howard recently told Robin that he was going to paint something similar to a Jackson Pollock painting so she could try and tell which one was his. She had been saying that Pollock's paintings ''move'' her. Howard had someone show 6 paintings to Robin so she could guess which was Howard's. She wasn't able to figure out which was Howard's but she did pick out a phony. Howard knew she wouldn't be able to pick it out. He said all Pollock did was spray paint garbage on a canvas. Robin said she picked out the 2 that she recognized as being Pollock's. Howard said he painted the thing in 7 minutes.

    Robin argued that she knew the ones that moved her and not Pollock's earlier crap. Howard kept trying to get her to pick out the pictures that didn't move her and she wouldn't do it. Robin was getting very emotional and loud with Howard. He was trying to prove a point with this whole thing but it wasn't happening. Robin finally broke down and picked number 6 as Howard's. It was actually number 3 which Fred had guessed. Howard said the painting was called ''Help''. Robin was still sounded very upset over the whole thing for no reason. Robin eventually told Howard that his painting did look like early Jackson Pollock.

    A listener called in and offered Howard $1000 for the painting but Howard didn't want to give it up. Howard told the guy he was going to do a new painting that he'd give him for free. He said he's going to pleasure himself on a black canvas and he'll let the guy have it free. The guy didn't want to take him up on the offer.

    Robin said she never could pick out Howard's painting. She said she just let Howard do his thing after he claimed he could paint something that would move her. She told Howard to just let her be moved by something and leave it at that. Howard said ''I won!'' to Robin a few times to quiet her down. She really didn't care though. The two of them argued about Pollock and whether or not he was talented. Robin said that Howard has to crap on everything that she likes. When she said that she liked Gregory Hines, Howard went in a bathroom and tap danced to show that anyone could do it. Now he's done this with Jackson Pollock. Howard said tomorrow he'll take a crap and it'll look like a Monet. Robin went silent for a minute. She then said that she wanted to crap on Stuttering John because he was just standing there laughing like a fool.

    After taking a break Howard said that the Pollock stuff won't be on any of his TV shows. The E! people told him that they don't have rights to the paintings so they can't show them on TV. Howard wondered why that is and why people can take stuff out of his book and put it on TV like they did on MSNBC. That led to Howard talking about the MSNBC special that was done about him recently. He just watched it and it bummed him out. He said he doesn't know why shows like that bum him out but this one sure did.

  • The Backside Boys (Fred, Howard and Jackie) performing ''Backside's Back.''
  • The Losers performing ''Spirit in the Sky.''
  • Hooters Girl Game With Luke Perry And Caller. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 2/13/01. 7:55am
    (Snipped) The guy who called in with the Jackie tape earlier in the show wanted to play the rest of the Hooters Girl Game that Howard started yesterday. Howard only had 3 questions left to play so he let this guy play along for a prize. Luke listened in while they played. The caller was playing for a $250 gift certificate to Buy.com. Here are the three questions:

    Question	Caller Says	Hooters Girl Answer	Correct?
    The three states of matter are solid, liquid and...	N	Water	N
    In what state would you find New Orleans?	N	Don't know	N
    What is 10 percent of 200?		Two dollars	N

    The caller got the first two right so he won the prize and didn't have to answer the third. The girl only got 2 questions correct yesterday.

    Howard got back to Luke and tried to find out what it's like to lose a hit show like ''Beverly Hills 90210''. He asked Luke how bad it gets after that. Luke told Howard it's not that bad. He said he didn't mind the quiet after the storm. He said he wasn't into that whole celebrity thing so he doesn't mind it. He said some days he goes out and everyone recognizes him and some days no one does.

    Howard asked Luke if he still has to work. Luke said that most actors have to work even after a hit series. Luke said he really doesn't have to work, he likes to work.

    Howard read a rumor that Luke had broken up with his wife back in 1999 and started dating Jane Krakowski from ''Ally McBeal''. Luke said that's not true, he and Jane just share a birthday and they call each other once a year to wish each other happy birthday. Luke said he remains faithful to his wife and 2 kids.

    Howard and Luke spent a short time talking about ''Oz'' and why Luke has never been raped in the show. Howard thought that perhaps he had it in his contract that he wouldn't be raped. Luke said that's not true and he'd be willing to have that happen in the show. He liked the show so much that he did it for scale which is about $622 per episode.

    Howard also didn't understand why Luke got married so young. He wanted to know why he didn't enjoy his fame more. Luke said he doesn't care about that. He told Howard he had about 15 women before his wife and it was enough. Luke told Howard he started getting laid around the age of 14 which seemed to impress him.

    Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that Luke did a nude scene with Ashley Judd in some movie. Luke said that was in the movie ''Normal Life'' and it was never released to theaters. It is on video though. He admitted that he got aroused during the scene. Robin asked if Ashley noticed the arousal. Luke said ''I hope so Robin''. Howard also read that Luke dated Yasmine Bleeth at one time. Luke said he did but they weren't all that famous at the time. He really didn't want to talk about that part of his life either. Howard wanted to know everything and Luke didn't want to tell him any of the details. He told Howard he had a head injury back in 1990 and he can't remember anything before then.

    Mr. Skin was waiting in the green room so Howard had him come in to talk about where you can see some of these women nude. He has the Ashley Judd scene on his site so the E! crew brought it up on the screen for everyone to see. Luke said he never watches his own movies though. He didn't want to see that in there. Mr. Skin is the guy who knows every scene in every movie where women celebrities show skin. He said that you can see a Yasmine Bleeth nipple slip in the movie ''Heaven or Vegas'' but that's about all of the nudity you'll see of her. He also pointed out some possible Oscar nominees who show skin. He said in one frame in the movie ''Pretty Woman'' you can see Julia Roberts' breast but it's not really worth getting to see that. Luke had to get going so Howard took a break before talking to Mr. Skin anymore.

• The Best Of Stern. 12/23/05. 6:00am
  Wow! Just one more week of The Best of Stern on terrestrial radio and then it's really over. Here's what we heard on today's Best of Stern...
  • The Losers performing ''Herdy Gerdy Man.''
  • Al Michaels Meets Al Michaels (Billy West).
  • This segment is not in my archives since it was pre-1996. In the segment, sports announcer Al Michaels comes in to talk to Howard and Billy West does his great impression of Al through the whole interview. Howard talked to the real Al Michaels about the prank call that was made to ABC about OJ Simpson (by Morrie) to Peter Jennings. Al also talked about his relationship with OJ Simpson and how he couldn't believe that OJ could be involved in a murder.
  • Richard Simmons Visits.
  • In another segment that isn't in my archives due to age, Howard goofs on Richard Simmons after he brings in some boxes of cereal that were filled with sugar and other fattening things. Richard was on the verge of leaving many times during the interview since Howard was goofing on him about anything and everything he could. Richard insisted that Howard sing the song ''Unforgettable'' with him but Howard really didn't want to do it. Fred played some sound effects during Richard's parts in the song which really seemed to piss him off.
  • The Backside Boys (Howard, Fred and Jackie) performing ''The Gay Way.''
  • Barry Williams performing ''Rhythm Of The Night'' with The Losers.
  • ''Baba Booey'' Is Born.
  • This is another classic segment that I don't have in my archives because it happened way back in the early 1990s. It's where Gary Dell'Abate uttered the words ''Baba Booey'' for the first time on the air. Howard was making fun of Gary for collecting cartoon art at the time and made the mistake of calling the character Baba Louie ''Baba Booey.'' At the time Gary thought that his screw up would be forgotten within a couple of weeks. To this day, Howard, the rest of the crew and every fan refers to him as ''Baba Booey.'' He'll forever be known as ''Baba Booey.'' Even without Howard goofing on Gary about the ''Baba Booey'' screw up, this segment was hilarious with Howard and the guys goofing on Gary about his cartoon art collecting.

    Once Howard got his hands on the tape of Gary saying ''Baba Booey'' he played it over and over again. They goofed on the way Gary was saying the name and played the tape over and over trying to figure out exactly the way he said it. Howard even tried mixing the Baba Booey sound clip in with a song.

  • The Losers Performing ''Old Man.''
  • Actor Lee Ermey Comes In As Sgt. Hartman. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 10/18/02. 7:15am
    Actor R. Lee Ermey, who played Sgt. Hartman in ''Full Metal Jacket'', came in to talk to Howard. Howard said he's always wanted to talk to the guy. He came in as Sgt. Hartman and yelled at him like he was in ''Full Metal Jacket.'' It sounded like they had a script written for the guy and everyone had their own lines to go along with the script. He insulted everyone about stuff they've talked about on the show. The script was funny though. He goofed on Artie about being fat, goofed on KC about being gay and running out of the studio on 9/11. He goofed on John's stuttering and goofed on him for a short time. He went off on ''Martian freak'' Fred for a couple of seconds before going off on Baba Booey. He goofed on his fat ass and his ''green tombstone teeth'' and wondered if he has ''mood teeth'' that change color when his mood changes. Sgt. Hartman went off on Robin and called her Star Jones and Whoopi.

    After doing the bit Howard gave Ermey a plug for his show ''Mail Call'' which airs on the History Channel on Monday nights at 8pm. You can find more info at HistoryChannel.com. Ermey stayed in character through the whole thing and before leaving he went off on Artie and Howard again. He told Artie he was so greasy that it looked like he washed himself with a funnel cake. He also went off on KC again about being stupid. Howard gave Ermey another plug and talked to him a little bit about this show of his. He said he's having a lot of fun doing the show. Howard also told him how great he was in ''Full Metal Jacket.'' Ermey said that most of the lines he used in the film were written by him. Howard asked him if he ever does his Sgt. Hartman character in bed with his wife. He said he never got off on doing that, he likes to say cuddly things to his wife in bed. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.

  • Gilbert Gottfried And Amy Heckerling's Assistant. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
  • 10/22/97. 9:20am
    Comedian Gilbert Gottfried came in to hang out during the news. As usual when Gilbert comes in there were tons of negative phone calls coming in. Howard must have taken 8 or 10 calls from people who have either dated Gilbert or have seen him doing something strange. One woman who called in the last time Gilbert was on called in again today. She was on the phone yelling at Gilbert for about 25 minutes or so. Gilbert had made some jokes about the holocaust when she drove him to some party. She just finds him horrible and unfunny so Howard let her vent on him today. Gilbert just keeps making fun and laughing through the whole thing. Another woman who called in the last time Gilbert was on called in today. She claims to be Gilbert's daughter. She's 30 years old and Gilbert is in his mid 40's or so. He would have been about 15 or so when she was born but she said that he's the father. She even said that she lived with him when she was 7 years old. Gilbert said that she's been calling his agent and even the USA Network where he works. She's like a stalker or something. Gilbert is great when he comes in. He keeps everyone laughing through the whole news segment. He just makes stupid comments and does his Dracula impression. He didn't disappoint today. It was constant laughs during the whole news segment.