|Friday||This Week On E!|
A couple of weeks ago Benjy Bronk, a Howard Stern Show staff writer, played a piece of tape for Howard from a few years ago. In that tape Howard told Benjy that, when he retired from radio, he would allow Benjy to have one day of his own to do his own radio show. Benjy wanted that chance so Howard figured he'd give it to him if Tom Chiusano would allow it. Tom said he'd allow it but if Benjy's show didn't go very well, they'd pull him off the air. That's what we were treated to this morning...
Benjy's show didn't start until about 6:20 in the morning because there were apparently some phone problems. Benjy started off the show taking a call from Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Benjy talked to Daniel Carver about his hate for blacks and then introduced 12 year old Leticia, the daughter of one of the sales staff members, so he could explain his hatred. The woman playing the part of Leticia was crying and saying that she was hurt by Daniel's words.
Benjy tried to have Daniel explain to the 12 year old girl why he has to use the N-word while the 12 year old was crying. Daniel didn't get much of a chance to do that because Benjy had to go to a commercial break.
Fran went on to sing some predictions about what she thinks will happen with Howard. Benjy then said that Fran has predicted many things like 9/11, and many other tragic incidents. Benjy thinks that her singing predictions will some day be studied like Nostradamus some day.
Benjy had Fran tell the story about how she got her psychic abilities after being in an accident with a tractor trailer. Fran has also been awarded the Worlds Greatest Psychic Award but she didn't seem to know where it came from.
Benjy took a phone call from a woman who said she just ran across this show this morning hearing it for the first time. Benjy let her know that this was a special day because it's his final (and first) show. The woman wanted to know more about the interview they played at the start of the show so Benjy had to explain to her that they were just trying to fill time while they fixed the phones that were screwed up.
Benjy tried to get the caller to ask Fran a question so Fran could sing her prediction. The caller didn't know what to ask so Fran just sang a prediction about her taking a trip to California. Benjy also had Fran predict the next 9/11 type of disaster. Fran predicted that it won't be in the United States, it'll be in France and it will be the Eiffel Tower that goes down.
Fran sang some predictions about who the next celebrity death will be and said it would be Billy Graham. Benjy took another call from a guy who asked Fran if Howard Stern was going to kick ass on Eh, Ehh, Ehh (SIRIUS). Fran said he would and then sang one of her songs about that.
Benjy let another caller ask Fran about his relationship with his girlfriend. Fran told him things would be good for them which is what the caller wanted to hear. He said that things are wonderful with the woman but he wanted to hear it from someone else. Fran sang a song about how there may be a lesbian thing going on between Hillary Clinton and Ellen ''Degenerative.''
Benjy brought a guest into the studio by the name of Jeff. He asked Fran to try and predict what Jeff's very ''special thing'' was. She sang a prediction about him that had nothing to do with the special thing. She also said that she didn't want to get into what it was that Jeff's special thing was because it was personal.
Benjy took a call from a guy by the name of CC who asked when his marriage was going to fail and when he would get a divorce. Fran sang one of her songs about how the guy would probably go back and forth with his wife but the divorce probably won't happen.
Benjy tried to get Fran to predict Jeff's problem again but she didn't want to get into that. Jeff the Vomit Guy then told Fran that he likes to have women vomit on him so Fran suggested that he might want to get some therapy. She also sang him a song and said that he must have had some trauma in his life but Jeff said that he never did. Jeff told Benjy that there was no trauma and his parents were actually very good to him. He saw one of his cousins throw up one time and that's when he started to realize that he was turned on by the vomiting.
Benjy talked to Jeff about his life and how he still lives with his father. His mother passed away about 3 years ago. Jeff said that he does have some part time jobs where he makes a little bit of money. There's nothing steady though. As he was talking about all of that it sounded like Fran yawned... which is basically the same way I was feeling as I listened to this interview.
Benjy had Fran sing them out to a break. She sang a nice song about Jeff the Vomit Guy saying that he has some creativity in him that will help him out in his life.
Jeff the Vomit Guy was still there after the break. Benjy introduced him as well as Sour Shoes, Louis the Board Op and Shirley from GodHatesFags.com was on the phone. Sour Shoes sang a song about Shirley and then Shirley sang one for them with her family. She and her family sang about Santa Claus taking kids to hell if people keep telling their kids about him.
Shirley said that she and her family will be out spreading the word of God... which is actually the hatred of ''fags.'' They have a meeting at a high school this morning where they will be spreading their ''gospel.'' Benjy tried to interview Shirley about this insanity. She said that her kids have never told her that they don't want to go out and spread the word with her. They all love what they do according to Shirley.
Shirley said that there are two types of people in the military today, fags and fag enablers. She said that's the reason that they come home in body bags. Benjy asked her why God doesn't target more specific people if he hates the fags so much. Shirley said that God does target them and that's why they're getting killed over there.
Shirley was saying that all gays eat each other's feces but Benjy and Jeff the Vomit Guy said that's not true. Shirley said that you can read about it on the internet and that's what all of the gays do. Benjy asked if he could talk to Shirley's son Gabriel. Benjy called him a cutie and asked him if he was having fun in Florida spreading the hate. He asked him if he ever wants to just stay home and watch TV instead of going out and spreading the hate. Gabe said he'd rather go out and spread the word. Gabe's mother was telling Gabe what to say... Benjy had to cut him off an ask him to stick with him through the commercial break.
Benjy had some notes about Pete so he asked him a few questions... it turns out the notes were about Ringo Starr. Pete started to tell Benjy about his life but Benjy cut him off and said he had to let his mother go. Then he interrupted again when he asked Gary the Retard to say hello to Pete.
Benjy asked Pete if he thinks that he will ever get back together with John, Paul and George. Pete let Benjy know that John and George are no longer with them and both have passed away. Benjy said that maybe Pete and Paul can get back together some day. Pete said that there has been some talk of that but it isn't happening right now. Benjy played a few of the Beatles songs that he thought Pete played on but none of the songs were his. Pete said he couldn't hear any of the stuff they were playing for him.
Gary the Retard asked ''Beatle'' what kind of music he likes. Pete said that he's a rocker from way back so he likes a lot of the old rockers from the United States like Little Richard and guys like that. Benjy gave Pete a plug for the ''Best of the Beatles'' and for PeteBest.com
Benjy took some phone calls for Pete. One guy said that Pete sucks and he's no Beatle. Another guy asked Pete if he gets royalty checks from the band. Pete said he does get royalty checks but they're not big enough where he can not work.
Benjy wanted Pete to do some drumming for them on the phone but all Pete had to drum on was the phone. Benjy asked him to tap on the phone but Pete seemed to be a bit lost. Sour Shoes played the song and let Pete off the hook while everyone in the studio sang the song... The train wreck of a show continued... Benjy tried to get Pete to tap on the phone but Sour Shoes didn't stop his music to give him the chance.
Gary Dell'Abate came in and tried to save the interview. He asked Pete what time it was where he was calling in from. It was in the afternoon. Gary asked Benjy if they were going to do the bit they were going to do or if they were going to stick with this bit.
Sour Shoes played a couple more songs but Gary could tell that this wasn't going over very well so he was going to step out of the studio and let Benjy continue his show. He also asked if anyone had mentioned that the studio wreaked of some horrible stench. Benjy said that it was probably Jeff the Vomit guy... right around that time Pete Best hung up on them.
Benjy had Shirley from GodHatesFags.com back on the phone. You could hear her whole family singing in the background. Benjy was going to ask her to wait for him to come back from break but Benjy found out that his show was being cut off. Tom Chiusano was there telling him that it was time to end it.
Benjy gave plugs for everyone who was still in the studio. Jeff Levy got in some plugs for HowardShrine.com, Sour Shoes got in one for ScreamingHand.com and Benjy's friend Angela Muto got in a plug for AngelaMuto.com. Benjy was told to end the show but he kept going trying to interview Gary the Retard. It was a complete mess so Benjy told Gary he'd call him back on another line as they were playing the bumper to go to break.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who interviewed Tom one time. Chaunce said after the interview was published Tom got pissed off at him and now he doesn't like him. Chaunce said the interview was great and very revealing. Tom said he's not a fan of Chaunce's anymore.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Tom and asked him if he'd get back together with Heidi Fleiss if she wanted him to. He said he'd do it right away if she wanted him back. He never really did give the reason for their breakup.
Howard first played the Judy Garland tapes that he's been talking about all week. Vinnie edited down the tapes to just the good parts. Apparently the tapes are from the time when she had lost her CBS show and she was divorced and living in England. Someone suggested that she voice her thoughts on tape so a book could be written about her life. Howard played a bunch of the clips and she just rambles in what sounds like a drunken rage. She complains about not knowing how to use the tape recorder and how it's a ''Nazi machine''. In another clip she wonders why she flies around in airplanes with a ''cast'' of people she couldn't care less about. She said she doesn't want to die with these people who sit around reading ''Readers Digest''. She also complains about her ex-husband Sid Luft and how he doesn't care about anyone except himself. The tapes were hilarious.
For some reason Vinnie thought that there were many similarities between Judy and Howard. Some of his examples included... both were divorced, both had kids, both were in their 40's, both battled CBS over money, both were mentally abused by their parents, both saw psychiatrists, both talk in a microphone, both like their wine, both can't play sports, both lost money in their divorce, both had daughters that wanted to be performers and while Judy hung out with gays, Howard hung out with Ralph.
Howard turned it over to Larry Michael and introduced the ref, Bobby McRoy. The game started and Marissa took the ball. It was a 15 point game and the winner had to win by 2 points. Artie got the first point and the crowd went nuts when he got it. Artie took another shot and hit it again. Marissa finally got one a short time later. Marissa missed a free throw but got another basket within seconds. Artie got another one which brought it to 3-2. Artie was fouling Marissa according to Robin. Artie hit another shot and got his fourth shot in. Howard bet that he wouldn't even get 4 shots so he lost $1,200. Artie had to take a break a short time later because he was winded and needed a drink of water. The score was 4-3. Artie hit another one a minute later bringing it to 5. Larry Michaels was giving the play by play the whole time. Howard said that Marissa's nose was bleeding at one point. Robin said Artie was playing kind of rough. Marissa fouled Artie at one point. Within a short time it was 9-4 with Artie winning. He was hitting shots from way outside and was making just about every shot. He was dominating the game much to the surprise of Howard. The score was 10-5 and Artie hit another according to Larry. The crowd started cheering Artie's name. Robin wondered where this was coming from because Artie is no athlete. During most of the game they had the song ''Sweet Georgia Brown'' playing like it was a Harlem Globetrotters game. Artie was up to 12-5 and Marissa finally hit another shot. Howard said this was more exciting than a professional game. Robin said it's obvious that Artie doesn't have a problem hitting a woman in the face. He was fouling her a lot during the game. The score was soon 12-8 with Artie winning. Marissa was finally catching up and got it up to 12-9. Robin said Artie was getting tired. The score was soon 13-10. Artie shot another one and got it up to 14-10. One more point and he'd win. Howard said Artie was out of breath but he was still hanging in there. He was missing a few shots here and there. Marissa got it up to 14-12... Then it was 14-13, then 14-14! The winner had to win by 2 points. Marissa went up, took a shot and missed. Artie also missed a shot. The two of them were both missing shots like crazy. Larry said both of them looked tired by this time. Marissa ended up winning 16-14. Artie was upset and didn't give her a hug. Artie played really well so Howard let him know. Artie admitted defeat and wished Marissa luck with the ten grand. Marissa came back from a 12-6 score to beat Artie. Artie said that he still thinks he can beat a WNBA chick. Howard introduced a guy from Bally Total Fitness who presented Marissa with some fitness equipment. Howard spoke to her for a minute and gave Bally a few plugs since they put up the $10,000 for the game. Artie thanked Bally himself since he worked out a bit before this game. He said without them, he would have lost 16-13 instead of 16-14. Howard gave plugs to Larry Michael and Michael Buffer as well. He took a break a short time later.
Howard said things were going ''fairly smoothly'' even though he wasn't able to hang up on the listener who called in. Robin said they'd have everything fixed by Thursday, their last day there.
Benjy was there at the casino so Howard pointed him out. A couple of weeks ago they talked about putting posters of him all over the casino but Benjy wouldn't let them. Joe Cancer was there so Howard spent a short time talking to him. He was supposed to be dead by now so Zolar started yelling at him to die already. Zolar also yelled at Artie about losing. He called him ''Not-so-Manute-Bol'' and ''Fatrick Ewing'' before Howard got back to Joe Cancer. He said he was told he'd be dead soon 15 months ago because his cancer came back. He just won't die. Joe told Howard that someone from his family will contact Howard when he does die.
Howard said Nicole Bass has a whole new look and looks like Jennifer Aniston with balls. Artie said she looks like Jennifer Aniston as a huge guy. John the Stutterer was calmed down so Howard quickly said hello to him. Joey Boots was still there so Howard spoke to him because he thought he was kicked out. Joey said it was Melrose who was kicked out. Yucko the Clown said he wants a piece of John the Stutterer. John said he'll take him on out in the parking lot. Nicole Bass wants to take on Joey Buttofucco so now they have an undercard of John the Stutterer and Yucko.
Howard read a memo he got from the Hard Rock Hotel Casino asking him what he would like in his room to make it special for him. Howard said he was thinking of not staying there when they go out to Vegas because so many fans are there when he's there. Then they started asking him what they could do for him. Howard said it would be cool to have a pool table in the room but he probably wouldn't play. Howard asked Artie what would be cool in there. Artie thought the pool table would be cool but then Howard said Artie would come up and sit there saying nothing if they did that. Artie didn't know what he was talking about. He sadi he hung out with Howard playing Blackjack for 4 hours one day they were out in Vegas. He said he'd love to hang out with Howard out there. Howard asked him if he's bringing his girlfriend. Artie sadi seh'll be there. Howard figured Artie would be acting differently this time since he's been dating her so long now. Artie said he's still going to be drinking and gambling though.
Howard said Robert Duvall (Bobby D) was there so he wanted to read some notes on him before he came in. He quickly went through them. Gary came in and sadi that Duvall isn't a big fan of Michael Moore. He said Howard might want to ask him about that later. Howard said Duvall is one of the greatest living actors. He had a top five list of the greatest actors. That list included:
Duvall said he hung out wiht Howard one time at a pool and Howard was asking him if some chick was looking at him. Duvall said Howard was covering up when she was looking at him and stuff. Duvall brought up Howard's daughters and said he was going to try and get his oldest daughter. Robin said Howard could have Bobby D as a son-in-law. Howard was sighing in pain when he heard that. Howard ended up asking Duvall about the chicks he's banging these days. He talked about his young girlfriend for a short time.
Howard got back to the best actor ever list. Marlon Brando's name came up and Duvall said he's one of the best. Howard quickly moved on to ask Duvall about the war and what he thought of Michael Moore's speech at the Academy Awards. Duvall called him a jerk but didn't go off on him too long. Howard and Robert talked about the war a little bit. Duvall asked Howard about his young girlfriend. Howard turned it around and asked Duvall about his hot chick. He and Duvall also talked about the time they hung out together. Howard thanked Duvall for pretending to like him and let him hang out there. That led to them talking about this movie ''Assassination Tango'' that's coming out soon. Duvall is in the movie and loves the Tango dance.
Earlier in the morning Artie was preparing to do his Tourrettes stuff for Bobby D. He started asking Duvall some questions and started to do the grunts and stuff. Duvall thought he was Stuttering John or something. Artie asked him a few questions like that before Howard moved on to take some phone calls.
Howard took a call from a woman who wondered how Farrah Fawcett was to work with. Duvall didn't have anything bad to say about her. Howard took another call from a woman who told Duvall he's the best actor ever. A guy called in and said he couldn't believe he was talking to his two favorite guys, Howard and Robert Duvall. The guy said that he owns the Cape Cod radio station that Howard is on. He also said that he was bunk mates with Duvall in the army. He had some stories about him that weren't quite true. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy. A guy called in and said his mother used to date Duvall. He mentioned his mother's name and Duvall seemed to recognize her name.
Howard thanked Duvall for coming in and gave him another plug for his movie. He wrote and directed it so he spent a minute talking about that. Duvall kept bringing up Howard's daughters and how he's going to date them. Howard and Duvall talked about a couple of other things like ''Godfather 3'' and how he wasn't in it. Duvall said he saw number 3 and didn't laugh at it like Howard figured he would. Duvall said he thinks they're working on number 4 now too. ARtie was still throwing in an outburst here and there at this point. Howard and Duvall talked about a few more actors they like. Howard asked Duvall if he's seen his movie yet. Duvall said he's only seen clips so far. Howard wondered why he hasn't watched it yet. He didn't have a reason so Howard said he'd send him a copy if he'd agree to watch it. He said he'd do that for him. Howard told him he can come in anytime he wants to. Duvall ended up making a comment about how funny Howard would look flopping around on top of a girl. Robin asked him how old he is because he looks like he's in good shape. Duvall said he's 72 now. Gary came in a few seconds later and said Duvall had to go because he has a lot of other interviews lined up this morning. Howard then took a break and let Duvall go.
Howard thinks Gary has given up a lot since he got married. He used to get tons of women and now he's stuck taking care of his kids. Howard was feeling bad for him and said he missed the old Gary. Howard had to take a break so Gary got a plug in real quick for his appearance up in Boston. He said he'll be at The Harp across from the Fleet Center tonight.
Robin argued that she knew the ones that moved her and not Pollock's earlier crap. Howard kept trying to get her to pick out the pictures that didn't move her and she wouldn't do it. Robin was getting very emotional and loud with Howard. He was trying to prove a point with this whole thing but it wasn't happening. Robin finally broke down and picked number 6 as Howard's. It was actually number 3 which Fred had guessed. Howard said the painting was called ''Help''. Robin was still sounded very upset over the whole thing for no reason. Robin eventually told Howard that his painting did look like early Jackson Pollock.
A listener called in and offered Howard $1000 for the painting but Howard didn't want to give it up. Howard told the guy he was going to do a new painting that he'd give him for free. He said he's going to pleasure himself on a black canvas and he'll let the guy have it free. The guy didn't want to take him up on the offer.
Robin said she never could pick out Howard's painting. She said she just let Howard do his thing after he claimed he could paint something that would move her. She told Howard to just let her be moved by something and leave it at that. Howard said ''I won!'' to Robin a few times to quiet her down. She really didn't care though. The two of them argued about Pollock and whether or not he was talented. Robin said that Howard has to crap on everything that she likes. When she said that she liked Gregory Hines, Howard went in a bathroom and tap danced to show that anyone could do it. Now he's done this with Jackson Pollock. Howard said tomorrow he'll take a crap and it'll look like a Monet. Robin went silent for a minute. She then said that she wanted to crap on Stuttering John because he was just standing there laughing like a fool.
After taking a break Howard said that the Pollock stuff won't be on any of his TV shows. The E! people told him that they don't have rights to the paintings so they can't show them on TV. Howard wondered why that is and why people can take stuff out of his book and put it on TV like they did on MSNBC. That led to Howard talking about the MSNBC special that was done about him recently. He just watched it and it bummed him out. He said he doesn't know why shows like that bum him out but this one sure did.
|Question||Caller Says||Hooters Girl Answer||Correct?|
|The three states of matter are solid, liquid and...||N||Water||N|
|In what state would you find New Orleans?||N||Don't know||N|
|What is 10 percent of 200?||Two dollars||N|
Howard got back to Luke and tried to find out what it's like to lose a hit show like ''Beverly Hills 90210''. He asked Luke how bad it gets after that. Luke told Howard it's not that bad. He said he didn't mind the quiet after the storm. He said he wasn't into that whole celebrity thing so he doesn't mind it. He said some days he goes out and everyone recognizes him and some days no one does.
Howard asked Luke if he still has to work. Luke said that most actors have to work even after a hit series. Luke said he really doesn't have to work, he likes to work.
Howard read a rumor that Luke had broken up with his wife back in 1999 and started dating Jane Krakowski from ''Ally McBeal''. Luke said that's not true, he and Jane just share a birthday and they call each other once a year to wish each other happy birthday. Luke said he remains faithful to his wife and 2 kids.
Howard and Luke spent a short time talking about ''Oz'' and why Luke has never been raped in the show. Howard thought that perhaps he had it in his contract that he wouldn't be raped. Luke said that's not true and he'd be willing to have that happen in the show. He liked the show so much that he did it for scale which is about $622 per episode.
Howard also didn't understand why Luke got married so young. He wanted to know why he didn't enjoy his fame more. Luke said he doesn't care about that. He told Howard he had about 15 women before his wife and it was enough. Luke told Howard he started getting laid around the age of 14 which seemed to impress him.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that Luke did a nude scene with Ashley Judd in some movie. Luke said that was in the movie ''Normal Life'' and it was never released to theaters. It is on video though. He admitted that he got aroused during the scene. Robin asked if Ashley noticed the arousal. Luke said ''I hope so Robin''. Howard also read that Luke dated Yasmine Bleeth at one time. Luke said he did but they weren't all that famous at the time. He really didn't want to talk about that part of his life either. Howard wanted to know everything and Luke didn't want to tell him any of the details. He told Howard he had a head injury back in 1990 and he can't remember anything before then.
Mr. Skin was waiting in the green room so Howard had him come in to talk about where you can see some of these women nude. He has the Ashley Judd scene on his site so the E! crew brought it up on the screen for everyone to see. Luke said he never watches his own movies though. He didn't want to see that in there. Mr. Skin is the guy who knows every scene in every movie where women celebrities show skin. He said that you can see a Yasmine Bleeth nipple slip in the movie ''Heaven or Vegas'' but that's about all of the nudity you'll see of her. He also pointed out some possible Oscar nominees who show skin. He said in one frame in the movie ''Pretty Woman'' you can see Julia Roberts' breast but it's not really worth getting to see that. Luke had to get going so Howard took a break before talking to Mr. Skin anymore.
Once Howard got his hands on the tape of Gary saying ''Baba Booey'' he played it over and over again. They goofed on the way Gary was saying the name and played the tape over and over trying to figure out exactly the way he said it. Howard even tried mixing the Baba Booey sound clip in with a song.
After doing the bit Howard gave Ermey a plug for his show ''Mail Call'' which airs on the History Channel on Monday nights at 8pm. You can find more info at HistoryChannel.com. Ermey stayed in character through the whole thing and before leaving he went off on Artie and Howard again. He told Artie he was so greasy that it looked like he washed himself with a funnel cake. He also went off on KC again about being stupid. Howard gave Ermey another plug and talked to him a little bit about this show of his. He said he's having a lot of fun doing the show. Howard also told him how great he was in ''Full Metal Jacket.'' Ermey said that most of the lines he used in the film were written by him. Howard asked him if he ever does his Sgt. Hartman character in bed with his wife. He said he never got off on doing that, he likes to say cuddly things to his wife in bed. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.