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Howard started off the show singing along with the ''Imagine'' remix that they played at the start of the show. He was back from his week long vacation but he was still complaining about being tired. He was having some trouble getting back into the groove of things. They've been trying to come up with some good songs to play at the start of the show but they didn't play something else that he wanted to play. Howard ended up going off on Gary for not reading his mail and getting in the songs that he asked for. Gary thought that Howard was out of his mind but Howard told him he sent him a note asking for something specific and it didn't make it in there. Gary thought Howard wanted just one thing to play this morning but Howard told him he wanted both of them and he'd make the decision himself as to what to play.
Gary was saying that the guys on the Roundtable got a lot of things wrong and it really pisses him off. Howard said he gets pissed at some stuff because of that show as well. That led to Howard talking about how mad he gets when he hears about Gary and Artie getting an offer from the company to replace him. Howard was kind of upset with the two of them for not coming to him earlier.
Artie said he felt kind of bad about the offer and didn't think it was hurting Howard not knowing that Infinity approached him. Howard said that Joey Boots and Bobo were saying that Infinity really sucks because as soon as the company heard that Howard was leaving, they tried to break up the group. Howard thought about that, got pissed at Infinity and then got pissed that Artie didn't come to him and let him know what's going on. Artie told Howard that he had to make that decision himself and didn't want Howard telling him that he should take the money and the job.
Howard told Gary that he shouldn't be on the Roundtable because he would straighten things out and that's not what they want. He said that it's like all of the stuff the guys read on the internet put on the radio. Gary told Howard he would love to go on that show because there are so many wrong things on there. Gary pointed out one story that Ralph told about Jay Leno and Howard's relationship and he got it all backwards.
Howard said that Joey Boots and Bobo really got him worked up about things when they brought up the Artie thing. Artie told Howard he really didn't want him involved in the decision even though there was no decision. Artie was telling Howard that they really did offer him a lot of money to do his own show and his agent was asking him to at least look at it. He also wanted to use that offer to negotiate a better deal with SIRIUS and he didn't even want to do that because it would complicate things. He said that there was no reason to tell Howard until that day 2 weeks ago when he brought it up. He wanted to make some good radio and that's what he was trying to create when he talked about it. He was also thinking about making that his revelation for the final shows there.
Howard said the Super Fans mentioned that Tom is being stupid about the revelation show because no one is going to buy a satellite radio just so they can hear one show where they reveal their revelations. Howard said he's not doing the revelation show because of Tom and now they're going to save them all for the first day over at the new place. Gary said he's still thinking about what his revelation is going to be.
Robin said she heard the replay of Howard's parents radio show and she ended up yelling at the radio. She said they're still in denial about things and it was upsetting to her. She said that they would admit to some of the stuff and knew about some of the stories Howard has told but they down played them, making them seem much less important than they were. She said it was ridiculous how much stuff they were denying. Howard said they have Round 2 of Meet the Sterns coming up soon.
Howard talked about how he could have gone to his reunion but decided not to be part of the phony-ness there. He had a lot of people ignore him back when he was in school and there's no reason for him to go see them at the reunion. He talked about one kid who wouldn't even talk to him back then and he knows that he'd be kissing his ass today. Artie said he had good experiences in school so he didn't worry about that kind of treatment. He said he always had good friends back then and there were no phonies to avoid at the reunion.
Gary came in and said he went to his 20th reunion 4 or 5 years ago and brought the E! crew with him. He felt like a douche doing that and they had tape of one guy talking about people spitting on him when he was in school but that wasn't true.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he enjoyed the Red Peters Show on Howard 100. Howard said that a lot of people liked the show. Robin liked it as well and couldn't believe the number of songs he had to play that day. Howard said Red is going to be their Casey Kasem. Howard can't even play any of those songs that Red was playing because of the content. That led to Howard talking about how much more stuff he'll be able to do over at the new place and how censorship really isn't helping him with anything.
Robin asked Howard about Wack Packers and who is actually in that group. She brought up Shuli's name and Howard told her that he was just a frequent caller, not a Wack Packer. That led to Howard talking about Shuli's broadcast from Richard Christy's parents farm out in Kansas on Thanksgiving. Robin missed that show and couldn't believe it. Howard said he spent most of the day listening to that.
Howard said he thought about Richard Christy on Thanksgiving because he wasn't with his parents out in Kansas. He ended up inviting him out to dinner that night. Richard came in and thanked Howard for that. He said that he actually had a TV dinner and a frozen pumpkin pie so the Italian food was great.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to talk about but he had to take a break. They were going to talk about the Supertwink movie that Richard and the guys are working on. Sal came in and said that Richard called him on Thanksgiving day and told him about the Italian dinner Howard was buying him. Sal said he was in the car with his wife and kids and was hoping that the fuel truck next to them would tip over and kill him. Howard went to break right after that.
The guys heard that the visiting hours started at 8am so they were going to meet at 9am. They all got there, and to make a long story short, the visiting hours didn't start until 1. Robin said the place was very hard to find too and the prison decided to change the hours at the last minute. They found that they can dick with the prisoners and with the friends and family who come to visit. Robin said they actually had to sit in line at the prison and decided to wait until 1 o'clock. That's when they start taking people in. Robin said they didn't remember his prisoner ID number and when they found out that Cabbie was in ''the camp'' they found out that visiting hours didn't start until 4:55pm.
Robin said that they didn't inform anyone that they went back to regular visiting hours and that's why the hours were wrong. Tom also said that he and Ronnie met at his house at 7am to meet up to get there. Ronnie was going to navigate but it ended up taking them almost four hours to make an hour and a half trip. They ended up driving into Pennsylvania twice!
Robin said that she was very embarrassed to ask people where the prison was as she was trying to get there. Needless to say, no one got in to visit Cabbie down there. Artie said he was supposed to go down there but he didn't make it so he doesn't feel so bad now.
Howard asked Tom if he had anything to do with Artie being asked to replace him. Tom said that he had nothing to do with it. He said he knew that the show would never break up.
Tom said that he will go back to visit Cabbie soon, the trip really isn't that bad. Robin said she's not going back down there. Robin said there were a lot of nice cars waiting in line down there at the prison.
Robin said she heard that there was a whole Billboard magazine dedicated to him. Howard said he was kind of bummed when he saw it because Gary didn't put any effort into it picking out pictures and stuff. He said he could have done a better job. He had to take another break after that.
Howard said that the guys on the Super Fan Roundtable reminded him about how bad Scott is at what he does. Scott said he's not even sure why Ralph is on that Roundtable show because he's not really a fan. Howard disagrees and says that he is a super fan who just happens to be on the inside a little bit more than most people.
Howard said he was watching some of the old shows on Howard Stern On Demand over the weekend and saw Scott doing his push-ups when he got all pissed off and yelled at people. He said that Scott was claiming that he was acting that day that he freaked out on everyone.
Howard said he watched an episode where Savanna was running around the studio naked and ran off a batch to her. He said he had read that someone else had done that so he gave it a try himself. Robin said she watched the Chyna Doll segment where she was singing and a complete mess. Gary said that the song she sang that day was one of his favorite picks for the best musical moment on the show. Howard played the song since he brought it up. He explained how she was a big mess that day. Her ''brother'' was playing guitar for her and no one is even sure if that's really her brother or not. The guitar was all out of tune and Chyna Doll's singing was pretty bad. Howard remembers that day and how he was trying not to laugh as she was singing the song.
Howard said that one of his favorite moments was when Artie's mother sang ''Mozzarella, Mozzarella, Mozzarella balls'' during a song parody that they created one Christmas season. He played some of that song where Artie and his mother sang together on the song. That's the kind of stuff Howard would like to take with him to the new place but the company won't allow him to take his old tapes. He said he now knows that they're just doing that out of spite.
Howard said that in the tape, Sal introduces the segment from the bathroom of their hotel room where Richard is in the shower naked and Sal runs in with him. Howard told the guys that they should get those tapes over to Doug at In Demand so they can get it on Howard Stern On Demand.
Howard said he hired a shrink and wants Sal and his wife to do therapy on ''Eh, ehh, ehh.'' Sal said that would be tough but he may need his own therapy without his wife. He said he wasn't able to sleep last night because he was bumming out thinking about the way Howard invited Richard out to dinner. He said he sometimes worries about how he might not be needed on the show anymore.
Gary told Howard that Sal needs him to tell him that he's doing a good job every few days or he gets really bummed out. After hearing that Howard said he was feeling pretty good about Sal until he heard this stuff. He was thinking about inviting him out to his house to visit but now he's thinking that would be a bad idea.
Howard said he has this idea for a show on Howard 100 where they would have people like Sal, Jeff the Drunk, Tabitha Stevens and others going into therapy once a week. Artie said he might do that once but he wouldn't be able to go week after week.
Richard came in and said that Sal was asking him about what he and Howard talked about that night they went to dinner. He said Sal was asking if everything is okay with Howard and him. That's the kind of stuff that's freaking Howard out though. Howard said that he's scaring him into loving him and he really doesn't want him to come to his apartment. He's not sure what's really going on inside Sal's head. Howard said he has no problem with Richard coming over but Sal is too scary for him.
Sal said that he would be observing everything in his apartment but he'd stay calm and not do anything weird. Howard told Sal that he would have Benjy to his apartment before he'd have him over. Gary told a story about Sal doing something kind of creepy this morning. He asked Howard about this red sweatshirt he was wearing and if it was the one he wore on Letterman. It wasn't so Howard and Sal just sat there in an uncomfortable silence. Sal said that the red sweatshirt made Howard look young and vibrant. Gary thought that comment was weird because no one else thinks about Howard looking young and vibrant in a red sweatshirt.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who told him that he looked awful on that show in those clothes. Richard thought Howard's stomach looked really good on the show because it's so flat. Howard said that's because he watches his weight. Richard said he watches his weight as well but then revealed that he drinks about 6-8 beers a night and up to a case over the weekends. He said he'll even go jogging and come back to have a beer.
Shuli was telling the guys about the farm and how they killed a chicken during the show because that's what they eat out there. Shuli said that he tried each of the items they had for dinner that night. He said he tried the Deer Chops and it was very gamy and kind of bland. He was trying to be nice to Mrs. Christy and told her that he's a very picky eater. There were frog legs to eat as well. Then there was some flathead catfish. It's the kind of fish that you don't really want to eat because they're bottom feeders. He said he had to dip it in 8 gallons of tartar sauce to get it down.
There was also some quail that he tried and Richard gave him some advice later on where he suggested being careful to eat quail because there might be some buckshot left in them after they're killed. Howard said he missed out on some of the show. They didn't get any video cameras out there that day to shoot what was going on. The guys at In Demand are supposed to go back out there in a couple of weeks. Richard will be going back around then so he'll be there when they go.
Shuli told Richard how great his parents were and then told Howard about the way some of the family members were kind of looking at him in a ''We've got a Jew in our town'' way. Shuli said Richard has a cousin who is about 6'10'' tall and weighs about 400 pounds. Richard said they have a haunted basement there and his mother won't even go near it. He said she claims that she saw a ghost down there one time.
Shuli said that one of his favorite stories was one that Mrs. Christy told about her favorite goose and how Mr. Christy had stepped on it's head, popping one of it's eyes out. The goose lived for another two years until it tried to cross the road and didn't see the car coming because of it's missing eye.
Howard told Shuli that he's doing a great job and he's invited to his house for the special dinner that Sal won't be invited to.
Richard mentioned that he set up his Hungry Man dinner to be ready at the same time his parents were eating on the radio. He said that he only has room in his freezer for one meal so that's all he can store in his apartment. He's got a mini fridge that doesn't hold all that much stuff.
Sal told Howard that Artie has his car's GPS set up for all of the fast food restaurants to stop at. He knows where all of the great places to eat are.
Howard said that he's still going to talk to Tom about letting them reveal all of their revelations on the final show but as it stands now, they're waiting until their first show on ''Eh, ehh, ehh.'' Everyone has come up with a story to tell except for Fred. Gary is still on the fence about the story he wants to tell though. Will came in and said that they have Benjy, Artie, Robin, Howard, Sal and Richard have already told him their stories and they're all good.
Artie said that he had to check on the statute of limitations before he revealed his story. Everyone is kind of worried about people hearing about their stories but Howard said they'll be revealing all of that stuff on satellite, where no one will be listening. Then he said he heard that the radios have been flying off the shelves so maybe that's a bad thing because they'll have a lot more listeners.
Gary said he tried to contact the people at eBay.com and they told him he was scammed. They sent him a form to fill out so he did that and found out they really couldn't help him because this type of thing happens all the time. Howard and Sal were goofing on Gary about the scam and how dopey he sounded. Gary said that it all seemed very official but he is very humiliated by the whole thing.
Gary said he found the gift that he was trying to get for Howard and it's going to cost him about another $2000. Gary wondered why people pull those scams because they're just so wrong. He said he's purchased a lot of stuff on eBay and he's never been scammed like that.
A listener told the guys that he was almost scammed one time but the cops were able to intervene before he lost the money. Howard said he goes to stores and buys stuff, he doesn't even know how to get on eBay. Sal was pretty relentless in his goofing on Gary. He was doing his impression of him and just making fun of him the whole time. Dominic Barbara called in and told Gary that a guy he knows was scammed out of over $100,000 when he tried to purchase a Rolls Royce through the service. He never got the car. Howard and the guys goofed on Gary for a few more minutes and then went to commercial.
Gary told Howard that Sal was telling him about how his wife has a germ phobia that's so bad that she takes her toothbrush out of the bathroom because she's afraid that fecal matter will get to it and taint the brush. Howard said he's more afraid that someone else will touch it. Gary said that Sal told him that he told his wife and family that he once used her Water Pik on his hemorrhoids and freaked out his wife. He claims that it never touched him but he did use the water to spray it down because it was burning so bad one time.
Howard said he and Katie had some nice discussions and he found out that she's single right now. He wanted to do her right during the interview but he figured that might ruin things for he and Beth. That interview should be coming up soon.
Artie mentioned that he had to go shopping on Black Friday so he could go to his reunion last week. That led to Howard talking about the nuts who go out shopping on Black Friday and end up knocking people down to get these deals out there. Howard said he wanted to go shopping on Friday but when he remembered it was Black Friday, he stayed in.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that one of the questions during the Super Fan Roundtable was about whether or not Howard could get Katie Couric. They spent a minute on that and then talked about the nice words that the guys were saying about Fred during the roundtable.
Howard was talking about the SNL thing and the delay was hit at least once without explanation. Jack Black will be hosting that show and he'll be promoting the new King Kong movie. That led to the guys talking about that movie and about the new Harry Potter movie. Robin said she saw the Harry Potter movie and didn't like it. Gary told Howard that he probably would like it and he shouldn't listen to Robin's review. Robin said she told Howard he'd probably like it, she just wasn't into it.
Howard said Ralph suggested a movie to him that he tried to watch over the weekend. The movie was ''The Interpreter'' and it was horrible. Robin said she saw the movie ''Walk the Line'' and learned some stuff about Johnny Cash that she didn't know. She didn't know that he wrote a song about going to prison even though he'd never gone there. She was very worked up about the subject and was arguing with Gary about it even though he just wanted to know more about it.
Howard said there's a reason he hasn't run out to see that movie, he doesn't care about Johnny Cash. Gary feels the same way but he's wondering if it's like NASCAR because they're not into that either but there are a lot of people in this country who are.
Howard read some mail about the Super Fan Roundtable and what people thought about the discussions they had about Artie not going to Howard sooner about the job offer he had from Infinity. There were some people who thought that Artie should have gone to Howard when it first happened instead of keeping it under wraps. Howard said that Artie explained it this morning and he understands why he didn't come to him. He said he hears both sides of the story and understands where Artie is coming from.
Artie still thinks that Howard would have told him it was a good deal and the decision was up to him. He still kept it under his hat even after the deal was rejected. Artie said he did come out with the story the other day though so he didn't hide it forever.
Howard brought up the revelation show again and asked Tom what his stance is on it. He doesn't understand why Tom won't allow them to do the revelation/cliffhanger show for their last broadcast. Tom said that he talked to a bunch of people who don't even work there at the station and they told him that they shouldn't allow him to do a cliffhanger show.
Howard told Tom about what he would like to do on the final show and how he'd like to do things but Tom still won't allow him to do the cliffhanger. Howard also wants to do a walk from the radio station to the new studio but Tom won't let him do that either. Howard's argument is that it's their last show so it's not like no one knows where he's going. Tom said it will become a parade of some kind and that's not what he wants to promote that day. He just wants Howard to do his broadcast, say goodbye and end the show.
Howard said that he will just walk one block away if he can't walk all the way to the new studio. Tom said that he hopes there's a storm that day. He claimed to be joking but Howard didn't understand why he would say something like that. Tom insisted it was just a joke.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that doing the revelation show is really going to drive listeners to satellite. Tom said he doesn't think that it will but he's not going to support just one more thing that will get people to move to the new place. Tom said this is about business, not about censoring Howard. Howard doesn't see it that way. He and Tom went back and forth arguing about the cliffhanger thing. Tom said that if a network show, like Dallas, were moving from CBS to HBO, CBS would never let them do a cliffhanger show. Fred said that they did that with Buffy the Vampire Slayer when it moved from The WB to UPN though. Tom was not aware of that.
During that discussion we also learned that Tom reinstated the sales commissions that were taken away from the sales people earlier this year. Tom said it wasn't just his decision, it was from people higher up in the company and they felt that was the right thing to do. Howard insisted that Tom was wrong about that when it first went down but Tom argued that it was the right thing to do. Now he's changed his mind.
Howard and Tom continued to argue about the revelation show. Howard thinks that it's wrong for them to stop him from doing the show because it seems like they're just trying to screw him over. He asked Tom to cancel the party that he has planned for him the night of the final show. It doesn't make any sense to do it then. He said there's no reason to do it when the company is giving him a hard time about his old tapes after he was the one who decided to save all of those old tapes.
Tom said they have a lot of work to do there at the station to create the studio for David Lee Roth and they have to start pretty quickly. Tom said he doesn't know what the construction schedule is so he's not sure how much time he can give them to move their stuff. Tom said he'll make sure they have the time they need to get their stuff out.
Howard suggested that they have the final show on December 13th so they can have time to get their stuff out of the studio for the next week. Tom doesn't want to do that and needs to find out what the construction schedule is before he can give them a definitive answer.
A woman called in and told Howard that they should be treating him much better than they are because he revolutionized radio. Howard agreed with her and let her go off on Tom for a minute. He then read that the company is having their holiday party on December 7th but he won't be able to go because it's a Wednesday night. He said that should be the show party too but Tom said that won't work because there are other people they'd like to invite. He asked Howard to take a break since they had gone so long without one. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said that he thought he'd found a gift for Tom in the paper today and it was an article about how to treat high maintenance employees. Robin reminded him that he's not going to be there anymore so maybe Tom doesn't need it. That led to Howard talking about how he can scratch Tom off his gift list for next Christmas even though he'll be buying him something this year.
Howard played an audio clip from a football game where they talk about a player by the name of De'cody Fag. Howard said that's why he's still like Beavis and Butt-Head because he still finds that kind of stuff funny. They goofed around talking about the guy's name before moving on to other stuff.
A caller suggested that Howard change his Saturday Night Live appearance to the date that Alec Baldwin is appearing because he's a great guest on that show. Howard said that he would do a sketch with Alec where he plays the part of Kim Basinger. He said he could picture the dialog and went through it while the guy was still on the phone. The caller hung up in the middle of it though. Artie said that sketch would be classic if they actually did it. He told Howard that the show right before Christmas would probably get big ratings though so he may want to stick with that one instead of the Alec Baldwin show.
Howard was coming up with some other ideas for the SNL appearance. He thought about being Dick Cheney's daughter or something like that. He wants to make sure he can promote satellite radio though so he's going to have to ask the guys to work that in for him somehow.
Howard mentioned that the best story he read over vacation was that Tom Cruise bought Katie Holmes a Sonogram machine so they can watch the baby's progress. He and the guys spent a minute talking about that. Howard also mentioned that Oprah is celebrating her 20th year on the air and there are tons of ads and stuff taken out in the trade papers thanking her for all of that. Meanwhile Howard is celebrating his 20th year and getting treated like crap by Infinity.
Debbie continued to go on and on about Saddam Hussein so Fred would throw in a siren sound effect when Artie wasn't doing his siren impression. Howard wasn't even sure that Debbie's facts were correct. Jason came in and said that the book that Debbie was quoting had been discredited by some people so it was ridiculous that she was quoting it. Debbie said that's not true and wanted to know who discredited it. The two of them were going at it when Artie broke in and said ''Why am I receding like a turtle?''
Debbie wanted to keep going with her discussion but Howard didn't want her to keep going. Artie continued to goof on her mid-west accent and the way she was pronouncing his name. Howard cut Debbie off and said he was surprised that Jason knew as much as he did and that they actually have someone on the staff who reads books. Howard said he can't sit and read books because he gets bored so easy. He said he hates to read when he sees his TV sitting right there near him.
A little later in the news Howard told a story about going to see a Broadway play over vacation. He said he had a kid sitting behind him in the theater who was coughing up a storm during the play and he started to say some stuff out loud, asking why someone would come to a play with a hacking cough like this kid had. Beth asked him to quiet down because he was making a scene but he was able to get the kid to stop coughing after the intermission when he made a big scene about the cough. He said at one point during the show he was leaning forward to move away from the coughing and had his head next to the guy in front of him. He thought the guy was pretty normal but then caught a whiff of salami and realized that the guy was belching and must have just had a big salami sandwich or something. He said he feels bad for the actors in the play because they have to hear the coughing and people making scenes while they're trying to work.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard missed the start of the show because he was busy ''yentering it up'' with the guys. He said they're trying to come up with songs that mean something about the end of his show. He went to play something but his mic didn't have echo on it so he had to go off on Scott the Engineer a bit. He eventually got that fixed and sang his own version of ''Yesterday.'' In the song he sings about his fight against the FCC and censorship.
After singing the song Howard said that they have only 13 shows left after today. Robin said she thinks they're moving her out already. That's all because of the conversation they had yesterday about moving out of the studio after the 16th of December. Howard said Gary was talking to Richie Herbie about how they need to get into the studio to do some work right after the show on the 16th. Robin said that they have a new computer and keyboard in her studio and she now has no work space in her office. Howard figured they must be bringing in a new news person for David Lee Roth... and joked that it was Michael Anthony from Van Halen.
Howard said there are a lot of weird things going on around his show as far as Infinity trying to hire Artie and Gary to take over for him. Artie asked Howard if he should have played along with the offer to try and do some ''spying'' on the company so he could feed him some information. Howard said that would have been cool.
Howard said that he was told by Tom that they could take the carts they have in the studio to put into storage. Then they started to pack them up yesterday and Tom went nuts saying he never said they could take them. Tom came in and said that he suggested that they save the carts and didn't say they could take them. He said he doesn't want them going to the new place. Howard said that he's going to put the carts into storage. Tom told Howard he wants an inventory of what they take so Howard told him to go ahead and hire someone to do it then.
Howard explained to Tom that he's the one who has been hiring people to catalog and save the tapes over the years while the company doesn't bother to do anything. He said they couldn't run Best of Stern without the work he's had done for the tapes. Tom said that they can take the old carts and bulk erase them if Howard doesn't want them. Howard said he does want them and the way he's treating him these days isn't cool.
Yesterday Tom ''joked'' that he hoped there was a storm on December 16th so there would be no parade down to the new studio. Howard was offended by that and believes that Tom wasn't joking around about it. Tom told Howard that he's going to have an inventory done on the tapes but Howard went off on him calling him a dick because no one cared about those carts until now. He's not trying to screw the company, he just wants to save the stuff and put them in storage.
Howard told Tom that he was going to give away the carts to fans on the final day of the show but Tom is screwing with him so he's not going to do that. He told Tom that he's being a jerk and he's not interested in his explanation. He said Tom told them that they had no use for the carts anymore because they're going all digital so they could take them. Now he's changing his mind. Howard told Tom to stop pretending to be his friend and don't bother throwing him a party on the 16th.
Howard wants to go out and say goodbye to his fans on the 16th and Tom is wishing that there's a storm on that day. Howard has been trying to be a gentleman in the final days there but it's like a bad divorce now that they're treating him like this. Howard wants to keep the tapes just in case they have something they need in the future. If Infinity changes it's mind and wants to make a deal to distribute the old shows, he'll be prepared.
All of a sudden everyone is worried about the carts and Howard doesn't get that. He said he's had it with Tom now and he's done there. He doesn't want to leave his old tapes there so the Radio Chick can play them on her show and goof on them. Tom doesn't want him to have the tapes all of a sudden and he's had it with him busting his balls like that. He thinks that if he had packed up the carts 3 months ago, it wouldn't even be an issue.
Howard told Tom that he's not going to show up on the 16th for the party he's throwing for him. He wants Tom to stop pretending to be his friend and leave him alone already. He said he should just give them all to one person, Joey Boots, and then Joey can give them back to him. That way Tom can have his way and let them give away the carts to the fans. Tom will let them take the tapes if they do an inventory on them but they can give them away and not do an inventory. The carts can't even be used at the new place because they've gone all digital there too.
The whole conversation was nonsensical to Howard so he continued to go off on Tom about the situation and kept saying he doesn't want that goodbye party on the 16th. He wants his fans and sponsors to come out and see him on the street that day, not at some party that Tom is throwing. Robin said that Tom should just let it go already because Howard is the only one who has cared about preserving the show over the years.
Howard went through the logic of all of this. He said that Tom told him it was okay to give the tapes away to the fans but it's not okay if he wants to take the carts and put them into storage. Tom's logic doesn't make any sense to Howard. He said that the guy is the General Manager of the radio station and he just exhibited zero logic. This is why he won't deal with Tom off the air, he doesn't make any sense to him.
Howard decided that he's going to hand out those tapes to someone on the street. That's it. They don't have to do any inventory if they hand them out to the fans so that's what they'll do. He pointed out that the company is on the verge of losing their big morning radio show and they're worried about some old tapes that they can't even use anymore. He said he believes that if there was rat crap on the floor in the studio, Tom would want to inventory that as well.
A phone caller told Howard that he thinks Tom is sitting in his office laughing at getting him all worked up about this stuff. Howard doesn't think that's the case. He told the caller that he and his crew are the people who ran the show over the years, no one else helped. He said it's a joke that he gives Tom any credit for helping the show because he's always jerked them around with advertising and other things. It's finally getting to him and he's sorry he wasted this much time talking about this stuff in one of their final shows.
Howard talked about how Richie Herbie was telling them it was fine for them to move while he's working in the studio. Gary came in and told Howard that Richie really wants to work on the board in the studio, not on opening up the wall to get some light in there. Gary said he never thought that they would have just one day to move out of there. They do their final show on the 16th and the company wants to start construction immediately.
Gary said he's just looking for an extra day to move out of there and Tom looks at him as if he's asking for something impossible. Howard told Gary to box up the carts and they'll hand them out to the fans on the street. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said his gut has been feeling kind of big lately but he's so busy with the media blitz he's doing that he's wondering if he should stop worrying about it. He hasn't been able to work out lately because he just doesn't have the time right now. That leads to him eating more and more so it's horrible for him.
Howard brought up another story in the paper about a 15 year old Canadian girl who had a peanut allergy. Her boyfriend had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and it ended up killing her when they kissed. The peanut butter from the sandwich actually killed her.
Another story in the news was about a cop who was killed after being shot in the heart. He said the bullet entered under his arm where the bullet proof vest doesn't cover them. In another story there was a drunk guy who fell onto the subway tracks and ended up living. It doesn't make any sense when stuff like that happens. Robin said it's best to be drunk when you have an accident because they tend to get through them uninjured.
Howard said there's a really sexy shot of Jessica Simpson in the paper today. It's the first shot of her walking around without her husband Nick Lachey since they broke up. Howard said she might be hot but she's so dumb that Nick had to get away from her.
Howard's daughter is turning 13 in a few weeks so she's been going to a lot of Bat Mitzvah's. One of them was in the paper today because it was so big. He said he talked to his daughter about it and found out the gifts that everyone got included a video iPod, digital camera and jewelry. She also said that 50 Cent was at the event and performed songs. So did Aerosmith and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Howard didn't believe it until he read it in the paper this morning. He read some more of the article and found out that Don Henley, Joe Walsh and Stevie Nicks were also there. Howard said that's the kind of party the company should be throwing for him. He's tired of the penny pinching there at the station.
Howard said that he heard that Tom was inviting Eddie Moyer to the party they're throwing for him and there won't be any big rock stars there. He talked more about the big Bat Mitzvah and said that he doesn't believe in doing stuff like that for his kids. He said his wife disagrees with him about that and they've argued about it for years.
Gary said that they'd like to get Aerosmith to come on the show but when they have some guy paying them $2 million to do a Bat Mitzvah, there's little chance that will happen. That led to Howard going off on Tom Chiusano again about the way he's been treating him lately.
Howard said that the jocks there at the station are waiting to hear from Tom if they have a job or not after the first of the year. Howard is pretty sure that they're all going to lose their jobs. Gary said that a few people from the programming department are leaving next week. He talked about them for a minute and then this jock Jake called in to talk about how he was suspended. Jake told Howard that he woke up one morning and he had a new boss. He may have said a few things on the air to get them off his chest. That led to him playing the song that wasn't on the play list and then he got suspended. He said the song was Iggy Pop's ''Lust for Life'' which is something they do play on the air there.
Jake told Howard he has to meet with Mark to find out if he can go back on the air. He said that the company hasn't let them know what's going on with their jobs and that's why he had his meltdown that one day. Howard told Jake that the station is going to string them along until the end of the year, then they'll let everyone go. Jake wants the company to sit them down and tell that to their faces but Howard let him know that's not going to happen. Gary said he thinks there's a lot of confusion within the company and there really is no clarity about what's going to happen.
Howard told Jake to ask Mark to see his penis when he goes into the meeting since they've already done that on the air. Howard had Jake practice his groveling while he pretended to be Mark Chernoff. Jake gave it a try and then Howard wrapped up with him. JD came in as Howard was ending the call and told him about how Jake once recorded himself saying ''I'm sitting here watching Gray's Anatomy, enjoy the next song.'' and played that for a full hour during his shift. Jake said it was at 1 in the morning so it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Howard brought up New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy and how he had to resign because he had come out of the closet and may have gotten into some trouble with a former employee of his. One of Howard's interns goes to the same Gym as McGreevy and hounded the guy until he would read a bumper for them. Howard played the bumper that McGreevy did for them and thanked Adam the Intern for getting the recording. Adam came in a short time later and Gary had mentioned that Adam is like a gay man's dream because he's a young, good looking guy.
Adam told Howard he kept asking a friend of his to bug McGreevy to record the spot and it worked. Artie said that Adam is a comedian and a good one too. He said he opened up for him one time and killed at a packed club in Jersey. Adam told Howard one of his jokes which was something like ''I just had my first threesome recently, I slept with a pregnant chick.'' Howard said that was pretty funny even though he wasn't laughing hard.
Howard would like to have Robin there with him as he makes the walk but now he's thinking she should stay in the studio. There was talk of giving away a $10,000 prize to one of the fans that day but that might not happen either. Howard said he will have a ton of fans down there so he's thinking of having a contest for the best farewell sign. They could give away the money for that or maybe have a porn star make out with the winner a little bit. Gary said that they could make it even more impressive if Robin were willing to make out with one of the fans. Robin won't be doing that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Tom is a control freak and he can't take away this December 16th walk from her. She said she's got to walk with him and Tom can't take it away from them. Howard hung up on her and Gary wondered if they've ever spoken to her husband before. Howard said he thinks he's deaf, no one else could listen to that.
A caller asked Howard if his company really called him a leach like Michael Jackson did about the Jews. Howard said his company has never done that but we all know that Michael Jackson is mentally ill and he did write a song where the lyrics were ''Jew me, Kike me'' even though he claims that it wasn't meant to be racist. The caller asked Howard why he doesn't use his nose instead of his small penis. Howard didn't think the joke was very funny and hung up on him.
Sal and Richard came in and explained what went on. Sal said that he thought Richard didn't know it was him next to him. Richard said he did though. Sal said he wiped and kicked his paper over to Richard and started to crack up. He said Richard didn't react at first... and then the delay was hit multiple times so we missed the conversation. They were saying that they did kick each other's wipes back to each other so they could flush their own stuff. Richard said he was ready for the paper to fly over the top of the stall. He said if that had happened, he would have gone over to wipe his stuff in Sal's face.
Richard said that they send pictures of their bowel movements over their cell phones. Richard said he sends pictures of his private parts to Sal as well.
Howard said that the guys made a video where Sal gets into the shower with Richard which was weird. Then they showed him the tape where they goofed on Yucko by having some black guys going off on him about the racist material he does in his act. That tape will end up on Howard Stern On Demand for the fans to see. The guys have been making those little movies to get them on the new On Demand channel.
Richard said that they've been making their ''Supertwink'' movie and they have a great rape scene with him and Sal. He also explained how Artie plays a plumber in the movie and has to plunger out a gerbil from Fred the Elephant Boy's ass. He's hoping to have the movie edited and ready to air by January. Richard said that JD plays the part of ''Supertwink'' and he was born on the planet Uranus to Lord Rectum who will be played by Steve the Engineer (AKA Wood Yi). Howard wanted to see some of the clips but Richard said there's not much sound in it right now.
Artie asked about the rape scene because he heard that the two of them accidentally touched each other. Richard said that he was wearing short shorts and was playing the part of the hot guy in the office. Sal was wearing his pants for the scene but Richard was almost naked. Sal said that he dropped Richard's pants in the scene and unbuckled his pants but his pants fell down and his junk touched Richard's ass. He jumped back and yelled ''Cut!'' when that happened. Robin said she figures that they're eventually going to ''accidentally'' have sex.
Gary said that he would pay nine bucks to see this movie over ''Walk the Line'' any day. The movie should be about 20 minutes long according to Richard. Howard heard that Fred the Elephant Boy shows full frontal nudity in the movie. High Pitch Eric is in the movie as well and all they had to do to get him in it was ask.
High Pitch Eric called in but his phone went dead so Howard couldn't ask him about it. Howard asked Richard to give a clip of the movie to Howard 100 News so they can play it on Howard 100. He knows he can't play it there. High Pitch called back and said that he had a dog collar on his neck and he could barely breathe when they were filming. Sal said the collar was huge and it was on the first hole and it was still tight on him.
Artie is in the movie as well so he had to plunge Elephant Boy's ass. He didn't know he had scenes after actually touching his ass with the plunger so he demanded to have another plunger. He was also saying that Eric was eating a ton of food while they were filming and he was wearing the biggest pair of sweat pants that he had ever seen. Howard said that they have to stop making those giant sweat pants because it allows people to get really fat. He said he used to wear stuff like that when he was fat.
Richard said that he and JD pretend to kiss at the end of the movie. Howard was surprised that JD agreed to do something like that. JD came in and said that he didn't try to do any gay voice in the movie, he just kept his usual ''Napoleon Dynamite-like'' voice through the whole thing. The guys also said that they will have a documentary of the making of the movie that will air on Howard Stern On Demand as well.
Sal thought it was funny that they got High Pitch to agree to the movie and then got Artie to agree just as easy. Artie said the warehouse they rented was pretty intense because it looked like a place where someone was murdered. Sal told Howard that Will Murray was great in the movie as well and did a scene where he had to ask for a tissue to wipe the man goo off his face.
Howard said that Garver was out at some Spike TV Video Game awards show and interviewed some people there as well. He tried to play the interview but he had the wrong CD in. He eventually got the right one and played it. Garver asked Doris Roberts a few various questions about being Jewish, her favorite thing about Black people and if she's ever smoked weed. She said she did smoke weed many years ago but didn't want to get into details. She was asked some questions about having a lesbian experience. She stuck with the interview and was pretty cool about it.
Garver also got Kiefer Sutherland but he was calling him ''Keether'' the whole time. Sutherland was asked what his favorite Latin word is since they've goofed on his ''Gravitas'' answer before. Garver also asked him if he's glad he never married Julia Roberts. That's when Kiefer walked away. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Jeff how they first met him. Jeff let out a belch and said it was Tabitha Stevens and the game ''Who Wants to be a Butt Billionaire.'' He thought it was 1996 but it was actually in the year 2001. Jeff said that's what he meant. Howard was going to play some audio from the Stuck on You contest that Jeff was part of but Jeff was making all kinds of noise.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Jeff is a mess and he's been demanding all kinds of stuff. He was out complaining about not getting cash instead of a check for coming in. Howard asked Jeff if he's going to be free to do a show on SIRIUS where he'd be evaluated by a therapist. If the woman thinks that she can help Jeff out, he would go back once a week for 13 weeks. Jeff said he could do that but he doesn't think he'll last the 13 weeks. Howard said that maybe this woman could help Jeff get out on his own and get his own house instead of staying with his mother.
Jeff said that he can't leave his mother, he has to take care of her. Howard said that she pays for the house though. Jeff bragged that he pays the phone bill and buys the food. Howard didn't believe he was actually paying for it himself. Jeff said they both have food stamps that they use for the food.
Jeff was complaining that he was getting paid by check because he usually gets paid in cash when he comes in. Howard cut him off and told him they always pay with a check. He wanted to move on to the audio clips from the ''Stuck on You'' contest that Jeff was part of. He explained how Jeff was handcuffed to this woman for a few days and one night, he got so drunk that he tripped and fell on the street and wasn't able to get up. Howard played some of the audio from that show where Jeff was yelling at a bartender and then went out on the street and dragged the woman along with him down the street. That's when Jeff fell on the street and wasn't able to get back up. It was in the middle of an intersection so he was holding up traffic.
Howard said that clip is going down in history and will never be heard again. Then he played another classic clip where Jeff had to pull down his pants and they saw some odd marks on his underpants. Jeff claimed that it was blood but the guys thought it was something else. Jeff sticks to his story to this day and claims that he had a blister back there that had popped. Jeff ended up using the F-word so the delay had to be hit.
Jenny Diaz, the woman who was Stuck on Jeff, called in and said she was getting angry as she was listening to the clip. She ended up winning the $20,000 from the contest and her life has changed for the better since then. She was able to help her husband with his medication. She also said that the money went a long way and helped them out a lot. Her husband had a heart attack last December and has been out of work since then. She was in a good mood and said that it really helped her out.
Gary said that Jeff and Jenny both agreed to stay friends but Jeff hasn't stayed in touch with her. She said she's been forwarding letters to him but Jeff said he hasn't been getting them. Jenny told the guys that she's not sure what he had on his body but he managed to corrode the silver on the drain in her shower. Jeff gave her an F-you and told her to get off the phone. Howard gave her a break and wrapped up with the phone call as Jeff was calling her a ''dumb bitch'' and a ''stupid whore.''
Howard had cameraman Isaac Mark on the phone because he was the cameraman on that shoot. He said that Jeff has the ability to draw you into his world even as annoying as he is. Isaac had to be taken off the job because he got so messed up from being around Jeff so much. He got in a plug for In Demand before getting off the phone.
Howard brought up another Jeff the Drunk moment where this porn star broke down and cried after having sex with Jeff. Howard played some of the tape but Jeff said something that got the delay hit. Howard played the tape of the woman crying and you could hear the cameraman consoling her, trying to get her to stop crying. Jeff has no remorse for what he's done and doesn't care that the woman cried after having sex with him.
Ralph called in and talked about how smelly Jeff is. He saw him at SIRIUS the other day and he really does stink. Jeff claims that he takes showers every day. Jeff kept cursing so the delay was hit over and over again which chopped up the segment so it was hard to follow. Ralph pointed out that everyone around Jeff breaks down... Isaac broke down, the porn star broke down... Jeff told Ralph to shut up so Howard let him off the phone.
Howard had another classic moment from Jeff the Drunk history where he sang a duet with Carly Simon. Carly was laughing as they started the song and Jeff was horrible at singing the song.
Howard took a call from a woman who was talking about her SIRIUS radios so the delay was hit at least once as she told him about the radios. Jeff said he thought she was going to say hello to him but she called him a loser instead.
In another classic Jeff the Drunk clip, Jeff sings a duet with Willie Nelson. Howard thought it was another great Jeff the Drunk moment. There were other times on the show where they used clips of Jeff's voice to prank call people. He played one clip where they called a Japanese restaurant and used Jeff's cough to make it sound like they were choking on the Wasabe that they had eaten. As Howard was playing that Jeff got up to leave because he had to go to the bathroom. Howard told him that if he leaves, that's it, they're done. Jeff wanted to come back but Howard was done with him. Someone brought in a pail for him to pee in but Howard didn't want him to go in it.
Howard had Jeff say goodbye to everyone but Jeff ended up pulling down his pants and peed in the bucket because he couldn't hold it anymore. Howard was grossed out, the delay was hit again, and the studio was stinky from his pee. Howard had to have Gary pull Jeff out of there so they could end it. Howard told Jeff he had to leave but Jeff wanted to know if he could have a copy of the segment. Howard told him ''no'' and had him leave.
The pee bucket was taken out of the studio. Howard said he can handle Jeff the Vomit guy better than he can handle Jeff the Drunk peeing in a bucket. Artie said he's worse with the vomit guy. High Pitch Eric called in and said he had a moment with Jeff at a baseball game one time. He got so drunk that they had to wheel him out in a wheelchair.
Howard wants Jeff to go into therapy so he can start to feel for other people and not treat everyone like crap. Ralph called in and said that this was the best goodbye yet. He was still laughing as he was thinking about it. Howard knew that the delay was hit on the peeing thing so he asked for permission to play it at the new place so people could hear it. That won't be happening though. Howard went on to talk about how they can't even talk about going to the bathroom on the air.
Gary told Howard that Sal was walking around with the bucket full of pee so he had to warn him to get away from him. Sal ended up putting the bucket on Ronnie's chair out in the hall and then Ronnie threw the chair at Sal as he was running away. Sal somehow managed to keep the bucket upright even though he got knocked over by the chair. He didn't spill any of the pee. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but he spent a couple of minutes going off on Tom Chiusano again. He said that some of the people are just taking things too far at the station while others, like Sumner Redstone, are actually treating him pretty good.
Howard said he's heard some rumors about David Lee Roth demanding that he have a window in his studio and that he's walked out of a couple of meetings already and he hasn't even started working there. Howard said he'd love to know where the window is in the studio so he asked Benjy to start ripping stuff down to find it. Benjy tried to rip down some wall but he needed some other tools to get in there. Benjy, like the Incredible Hulk, yanked at the wall while Artie asked him to stop because there were exposed wires. Benjy didn't want to stop because he had never been so much a part of the show.
Scott the Engineer came in and gave Benjy some tools to rip the wall apart. Howard had to ask him to stop before he hurt himself. There was still banging going on as Howard tried to continue the show. Scott had to put part of the wall back up so no one would hurt themselves on the nails that were sticking out.
Artie wondered what the big deal was about getting a window for David Lee Roth. He said something about how maybe it's so Dave's ''...guests have something to jump out of.'' (And that's why I love Artie on the show.) Robin started her news but Howard interrupted her a short time later and said that he saw where the window was on the new plans for the studio. They were right where Benjy was ripping down the wall.
Howard read some e-mail during Robin's news. He got a lot of feedback about Gary losing his $2,200 through an eBay.com scam. Howard was also talking about the way Tom, Ronnie and Robin were all dicked around by the people at Fort Dix prison when they showed up to visit Cabbie. They changed visiting hours at the last minute and didn't tell anyone about it before they showed up. Howard thought that was really cruel and there's no reason to jerk people around. The people there to visit weren't doing anything wrong.
During Robin's news the guys ended up talking about Barbara Walters' 10 most Intriguing People show. Howard said that he turned it down so Robin read some of the other name son the list. They ended up goofing on Lance Armstrong about his bicycle riding and how it's really not a sport to them. Howard and Artie both agree that it's not a sport while Gary disagreed with them. There were a few other people on the list that Howard didn't think were all that intriguing so that's why he said he turned down the offer to be part of the ten.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and asked Howard if he actually saw the movie ''Walk the Line.'' Robin saw it but Howard said he doesn't care enough about Johnny Cash to go see it. He said he'll see it when it comes out on DVD. Vinnie also told Howard that the movie ''Rent'' is really good but Howard is never going to see that one. He has no desire to see that movie in the theater or on DVD.
Howard mentioned that they have some great pictures of Jeff the Drunk up on HowardStern.com. Robin said they would make great wallpaper for any fan's computer. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
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Howard interrupted the Billy Joel song and brought up the fight he had with Tom yesterday. He said that his agent tried to calm him down but he couldn't get over it. Now he's received another legal letter about the carts that they have in the studio. Now he's just going to bulk erase them and throw them out. Tom came in and told Howard that they should put them on CD before they do that. Howard said he's already done that, that's what he was trying to tell Tom yesterday. He still doesn't understand the argument from yesterday.
Howard explained to Tom, again, that they had a conversation about the carts and Tom told them to go ahead and keep the carts because they don't need them there at the station. Howard doesn't really need them either, but he'd like to keep them as a backup copy. If the company has a problem with him keeping them, then he'll destroy them.
Tom asked Howard if they have all of that stuff available as separate cuts. Yes! They're all saved on CD. Howard told Tom that he's going to erase all of the carts and then they'll get thrown in the garbage. This is all about Howard, not about the carts. The company doesn't want to make things pleasant on his way out of there so they're going to make everything tough for him.
Howard remembers Tom telling Gary that the carts weren't going to be used so they could do with them what they want to. Now Tom says that he's going to talk to some people about what's going on because he didn't know that they already had copies of the carts. Howard doesn't know how that makes a difference but he doesn't want to get into that with Tom now.
Radio stations shouldn't be promoting iPods either because they're a threat to the radio industry but radio stations are giving away iPods on the air. It's the stupidest thing that they won't take advertising from satellite radio.
Yesterday there was an indecency meeting with the senate and the guy who runs Clear Channel went up and demanded that they regulate satellite radio and cable TV. Howard said that if that happens, then they'll be demanding that they regulate the internet because that's where free speech will go. There's really no difference between satellite radio and the internet, it's just a different distribution. Howard said that if the radio industry wants a level playing field, they'll have to get rid of iPods, TV and satellite radio. iPods are like little portable radios.
Howard said that everyone is so threatened by his show that they're trying to regulate a pay service like satellite radio. Howard thinks that his show is flipping out the whole radio industry and that's why they're making these demands that the government regulate it. Artie said Howard should take that as a compliment because he's getting so much attention payed to him.
Howard said that cable TV is just as much of a threat to the radio industry as satellite radio is. Gary also pointed out that the radio industry created the Jack FM format to emulate the way an iPod works so it shows what a threat the iPod really is to the industry. Robin said that she sees a lot of people walking down the street with iPod ear buds in their ears every day. Those people aren't listening to FM radio.
Howard said that they created a commercial for his new radio show but every major radio station they approached turned down the ad. Not one station will advertise Howard's new show. Howard said he's kind of glad they turned down the ads because they're kind of boring.
The guys talked about how funny it is that radio stations will advertise anything, from penile implants to whore houses, but they won't take ads for SIRIUS. They laughed at how ridiculous that is and how ridiculous it is that the radio industry thinks that he's going to crush them by moving to satellite. Howard said he even offered to buy out all of the advertising on the final show there and they turned that down.
Howard said he has 12 shows left after today. He went on to sing a song parody that he's never performed before. He went to break right after that.
Howard said that he and Beth were talking about The Today Show interview that he did which will be airing on Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. They still bring up Howard's divorce when they do interviews like that and they don't talk about the fact that Howard and Beth have been in a relationship for five and a half years now.
Howard has Esquire Magazine and Newsweek articles coming soon. He's also going to be appearing on Bill O'Reilly's show and The Larry King Show even though Larry doesn't have any ratings.
Howard went over the story he told yesterday about going to see a Broadway play and how there was a kid sitting behind him coughing. He said the kid was about 19 years old and coughed constantly for the first half of the show. Howard tried to shoot a dirty look at the kid but that didn't stop him from coughing. It didn't work and he can't believe that someone that age doesn't know enough to stay home instead of going out to a play to cough.
Howard leaned forward to get away from the coughing kid but the guy sitting in front of him was belching salami. He got really annoyed with everything and eventually said something to the woman and the kids she brought with her. It finally worked because the kid didn't cough during the second half of the show after he went off on them during the intermission. He felt guilty after going off on them but at least the kid stopped coughing.
Howard said the guy who was belching the salami was a big fat guy and he probably went out and ate a ton of food before going to the play. He figured the guy was probably going to be farting as well. Howard missed out on the play because all of that was going on. He said he probably would have loved the play if he could have seen it without other people there.
Howard admits that he's a miserable person. Robin told him he reminds her of Mr. X (her boyfriend) because he does the same type of things when he wants to get people's attention. Artie brought up a movie screening they went to years ago and how Howard was yelling about someone bringing a kid there to the theater. That led to Howard complaining about the last three Star Wars movies and how horrible he thought they were. He said even the latest one was horrible to him. He wished George Lucas would go bankrupt over it but Robin told him that won't happen.
Artie asked if the final show is going to be a drinking show. Howard said ''Oh, absolutely!'' Howard wants to walk to the new studio but Tom doesn't want them to do that. Howard said he will try to walk up there but he can't guarantee anything. He said he will walk with his fans as far as he can and he'd like to feed them lunch or something.
Howard said that there will be a lot of coverage for his last day and even Yahoo is going to be covering it. He said that people will be able to watch the final walk on the web through Yahoo. The planned cliffhanger show will be held off until Howard moves to the new place since Tom won't let them do it.
Will came in and told Howard that the revelations are having some problems. Gary has backed out of revealing his and Fred's story didn't make the cut. Gary came in and said that he's going to change his revelation because it would be too tough for him to handle personally. Will said he understands why Gary doesn't want to reveal this story because he's protecting his family. Gary said he'd like to stop talking about it now so his wife doesn't wake up and hear them talking about it. He doesn't want to reveal it to her either.
Scott the Engineer is also out of the revelation show because he feels that he can't let the story out. Will was also saying that Howard and Robin's stories are embarrassing but Artie doesn't seem to be embarrassed by what he's going to reveal. The guys didn't know that was part of the criteria for the story. Will is the guy who is hearing all of the stories and has to be the final decision maker. He said that Howard and Robin are definitely in. Sal and Richard are also in with their stories. Artie is up in the air.
Howard was talking about how Gary has never been embarrassed by showing his private parts in the gym when he would work out. That led to the guys talking about showering in school when they were in high school. Howard was so embarrassed by his small wiener that he wouldn't shower. He claims that's one of the reasons that he didn't play sports because he refused to shower.
Howard talked about how he had a nickname of ''No-Wiener'' because he was so small when he was in school. He said he'd rather have any other nickname than No-Wiener.
Artie told Howard a story about going out shopping with his mother one time when he was about 18. He said he'd tell his mother that he didn't think all that much but as they walked past the liquor store, one of the guys who worked there pointed at him and said ''Hey! Tequila man!'' His mother couldn't believe that was his nickname.
Howard talked more about seeing Gary showering in a gym years ago and how he wasn't afraid to show it to everyone in the gym. Howard didn't shower, he just bundled up and wanted to go home while Gary wanted to shower. Gary said that there's a guy in Sales who works out at the same gym that he works out at and has no problem getting naked in front of him. Gary said he doesn't get naked at the gym anymore because people know him from the show.
Howard was at the gym the other day and had an embarrassing moment. He had to go to the bathroom, number 2, and had to go at the gym because he was going to go on a 4 mile run. He was afraid that he was going to have someone open the door of the bathroom at the gym so he ended up holding it in for the whole 4 mile run. He said it all just moved back into his system and he's pretty sure it became food again. He thought that he had revealed enough and had to take a break.
Howard read that the Six Flags commercials with the old guy dancing are going to be taken away now that there are new owners for the company. He and Robin both like the old guy dancing. Howard said he read that it's actually a young girl in makeup who does the dancing.
Howard said that the commercial that SIRIUS was running to promote his show in movie theaters has gotten some complaints even though it was only running in R-rated movies. He said that there were maybe 20 people who complained about it and now it's been pulled from all AMC theaters. Howard said that AMC should get some balls and think about what they're doing.
Howard and the guys goofed on the ridiculous comments this dopey woman was making. She was telling the senate about how they suspended a few of their on air talent after they ''crossed the line'' and how they're trying to keep their airwaves free of indecency.
Howard said the woman goes on and then talks about ''leveling the playing field'' by regulating satellite and cable. Howard said if they do that, then they'll have to start regulating books, magazines and the internet. It can't happen.
A senator was talking about how these meetings were no about censorship, they were about letting the families of the country voice their opinions. Gary explained who this senator was and what kinds of things he's doing up in Alaska. He had a $260 million bridge built up there to get people to an airport that has 10 commercial flights a day even though there was already a ferry available that would get people there in 7 minutes. The guy sounds like he's nuts.
Howard played some more clips of this dopey senator from Alaska talking about when they first got TV up in Alaska. He said he kept TV out of his house until he found out his kids were a few doors down watching TV at a neighbor's house. He also mentioned something about his ''first wife'' so Gary and Robin asked where his moral compass was since the guy was talking about the moral compass of the country.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the parental locks that are available on satellite radios and how parents could block that stuff out themselves. There's no reason for regulating a pay service that already has it's own parental locks built in. If the government starts to regulate stuff that you pay for and bring into your home voluntarily, it would make the constitution null and void.
Ralph called in and said that the woman from Clear Channel is nuts and it's like they're doing commercials for Howard now. They basically say that their stations suck now and they want satellite to suck as well. Howard told Ralph about the big ad campaign that the National Association of Broacasters is taking out to battle satellite radio. Howard wondered why radio stations are still taking ads for TV and iPods while worrying about satellite. It's all about content, they're afraid of Howard making the move, not about the satellite radio itself.
Howard said that the FCC is going to try to force cable companies to offer individual channels instead of packaging them together. That's going to lead to a lot of cable channels going out of business. Ralph was saying that he only gets his basic channels, 2-13, and HBO, that's it. He doesn't want anything else. Howard said that it's going to come down to content again and people are going to order what they want to see. He talked about his Howard Stern On Demand show and how people are paying for that so they can see what they want.
Gary came in and read a list of stations that will probably go out of business if something like that happens. Some of the channels they mentioned were...
Howard had Elliot come in before the cops arrested him. Elliot came in and explained that there was no issue with the police at this point. He said that his friend Joel Gallen from Screw magazine is sitting in the truck and he's the one who doesn't have a license. Elliot was doing his ''Riiiight?'' gangster talk again today over and over again. He told Howard that he is being featured in Screw Magazine this month and kept pushing that and his Elegant Elliot Offen video.
Howard asked Elliot about the ceiling that he knocked down at the parking garage. Offen made it seem like it was no big deal and he would take care of it later. He told Howard that he was trying to get there on time so that's why he didn't stick around after knocking down the roof of the parking garage.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to try and tell a story but Elliot was giving him a hard time and talking over him. Ronnie eventually told the story about how Elliot apparently knocked down a sign at the parking garage but Elliot interrupted him and said this story was going nowhere. Ronnie said that the cops were having Elliot's friend sit in the truck while Elliot is up there but he may have to leave soon. If the cops find out that they have to have the truck moved, the cops will come back up and take Elliot out of there. He and Elliot were arguing with each other about that but Gary changed the subject by bringing up Elliot's eviction.
Elliot is being evicted from his apartment but Elliot says that the landlord doesn't want the money that he's owed. Howard didn't want to stay on that subject for long so he let Elliot plug his DVD.
Elliot told Howard that his DVD is available at adult book stores in Manhattan and he will be signing copies of it at the Funny Store at 693 8th Ave from 11:30am to 1:30pm today. He also kept bringing up Violet's name over and over again saying what a beautiful woman she is.
Howard thanked Elliot for all of the years he's been coming on the show. He has created some very interesting radio over the years. Howard asked him to join them on the final day, December 16th, to say goodbye to the fans with him. He said that all fans are invited down there that day and Elliot can be there to say goodbye with them... briefly. Elliot wouldn't stop with the ''Riiight?'' stuff so Artie was goofing on him a little bit.
Ralph called in and asked Howard if he could imagine having this guy living in his building. That led to Elliot threatening Ralph and asking him to come in so he could beat him up. There were some delay hits during that rant because Elliot may have been cursing.
Captain Janks called in and thanked Elliot for hurting his ears all of these years. That got Elliot all excited and threatening Janks. The delay was hit a couple more times as he was going off on Janks. Howard wrapped up with Elliot and let him thank the audience. Elliot just wanted to get in the plugs for his DVD and signing. They finally got him out of the studio.
Gary told Howard that he loves Elliot. Howard brought up the Howard 100 News report about Elliot where one of the reporters followed Elliot around after Elliot claimed that he was harassing him. Elliot was in court because his landlord wants him out after not paying rent for a couple of years. The reporter got into a cab with Elliot but Elliot eventually jumped out of the cab and the door of the cab was knocked off by another vehicle that was driving by at the point. Elliot then laughs like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear.
Howard played the clip from the Howard 100 News report where Steve Langford ends up in the cab with Elliot. Langford said that reporting news in Iraq might be easier than dealing with Offen. Elliot asks Steve what his last name is and figures he won't tell him because he's afraid of getting sued. Steve gives him his last name and shows him his ID but that's not enough. Langford asks Elliot ''if you're a star...'' and that sets Elliot off. He calls Steve a retard and a reject saying that he's definitely a star.
Howard said that Steve is a brave guy because anyone going to the apartment with Elliot has to be very brave. As Steve was talking to his news director, Elliot is yelling at him and claiming that he has evidence that he was leaving harassing calls on his machine. Then Steve has the cab pull over and that's when Elliot jumps out of the cab without looking and the door gets smashed. Elliot laughs his ass off as he's getting out of the car after almost getting killed.
Howard had the guys give his news reporters a round of applause because it was a great report. Fred asked Howard to replay the part where the door gets smashed. Ronnie quickly came in and told Howard that Elliot had smashed the sign in the parking garage, then ran to the building. They thought that it might be a terrorist attack so that's why the cops were so worried about what had happened.
Howard mentioned that Jim Breuer was coming in to tell them about his favorite moment on the show. He was also talking about the final 12 shows he's got left there and how he's working on doing something special for his final show on December 16th. They'll have all of the gang down there to say goodbye to the fans and everyone is invited. He went to break a short time later.
Howard had Jim Breuer come in after that quick discussion. Jim works over at SIRIUS already with his own show. Jim told Howard that when he gets over there, he's never going to leave the show and have someone tell him that the subject is too much for the air. Jim said he still leaves the air each day waiting for someone from the company to tell him they went too far. There's nothing he can do that goes ''too far.'' Jim said you get to say whatever you want when you're over there.
Howard said he is kind of shell shocked when he reads some of the stuff that's being covered. In Billboard Radio Monitor they had a picture from 1987 when they held their first FCC rally. He had no idea it's been that long. Artie was at that rally way back then and remembered it was 1987.
Jim told Howard about the show he does and how he doesn't show up until 3:30 in the afternoon to do that. Howard figured he wouldn't see him there much but Jim said he'd stop in early sometimes. Howard talked about some of the people he's seen over there at SIRIUS like Tony Orlando and Dawn and Senator Bill Bradley who has his own show.
Jim said he hasn't been doing stand-up comedy lately much but he is doing a New Year's Eve special on CN8 which is comcast's local access channel. Jim wasn't even sure what's on the channel and if people have to pay for it or not. He said all he knows is that Styx will be performing on the special. Howard sarcastically asked him how he got them to perform. The guys were singing some Styx songs and goofing on the band a bit. Jim said he could have gone down that gay path if he had gotten into that band back when they were popular, but he went the heavy metal direction instead.
Howard said that Jim brought up a great segment from the show that he said was his favorite. Jim told a story about how he was starting out in his show business career, before Saturday Night Live, and knew that there were pitfalls in getting into the business. He didn't want to get caught up in all of that stuff and wanted to remain a ''normal guy.'' He's a very upstanding guy and never cheated on his girl or anything like that. That's when this Stern Show bit comes into play. Jim said he got really emotional when he heard this segment on the air.
It was April Fool's Day many years ago and Howard pulled a prank on Gary. Gary didn't know it was April Fool's Day and when Howard took a call from a girl who claimed that Gary had date-raped her. It was a really mean prank. Howard played the audio from the show, which was April 1, 1992. The woman on the phone tells Howard about how she and Gary had gone swimming and that's when Gary got carried away and date raped her. Gary called her out on the story but she gave details. The delay was hit while Howard was playing the 13 year old clip. Jim said that Howard must have edited down the segment because it was a lot longer back then. Howard said they got pretty graphic back then so that's why they had to cut it down. They can't get into that much detail now... but they will be able to do it when they move to satellite.
Jim told Howard that he hasn't been getting much sleep lately because his 10 month old has been waking up every few hours. He said he's off the air until January but he will be returning to SIRIUS in January. Howard gave him a plug for his New Year's Eve show. It'll be available online at CN8.tv. Jim tried to get in a plug for his SIRIUS radio show but the delay was hit even though Howard said he deserved a plug since he does work there. Tom must have felt otherwise because they censored out the plug.
Howard told Jim that he'll be doing a Saturday Night Live segment but he's still trying to decide about which week to do it. He was thinking about doing the Alec Baldwin and Shakira week or the Jack Black and Neil Young week. Jim thought that working with Alec would be great but doing the same show as Neil Young would be cool. Howard was also saying that Jack Black has a problem with him and bad mouths him on other shows. He said he'd still do the show with him because he wants to do the more highly rated show.
Howard and Jim were talking about the SNL thing but the delay was hit a couple more times for some reason. Howard said he would like to work with Alec and even Shakira so maybe he'll do that week. The more they talked about it, the more the delay was hit.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that Jim and Dave Chappelle had a spin off deal from the show Home Improvement back in the days when it was a number one show. Jim ended up losing the deal and he was replaced by someone else. Artie said he actually auditioned for the part. Jim told Howard about how Tim Allen was kind of angry at them because it was like they were leaching off of him back then. Jim didn't get it at the time but now he understands why he was so pissed. Tim would screw up their names during the shoot just to dick with them.
Jim said that he had this deal going and they had the cover of TV Guide and everything was going great. Then, 8 days before the premiere, the writers said they had to do some major rewrites. Jim also got a call from his manager asking him to come down to meet with him. That's when he learned that the show wasn't working out and they were letting him go. They also tried to fire Chappelle two weeks before but it didn't happen. Jim said he went back to his room that night and he was lucky he had all of his friends there to support him.
Jim said he walked back into his room and told his buddies that he had been fired. They didn't know that they could do that to him. Jim said his one goofy friend told him that they could go out and get drunk that night since he didn't have a job and didn't have to get up the next morning. Jim said he went to the Improv to work on some material after that and heard from every comedian that they had auditioned for his job.
Artie remembered getting the call from his manager to go on the audition for Jim's job. He said he saw the cover of TV Guide back then and told his agent that the show was already on but his agent let him know that it wasn't happening.
Howard wrapped up with Jim and tried to plug his show again but the delay was hit once again. He did get in part of the plug and did get in one mention of SIRIUS as he was going to commercial.
A caller asked Howard if he will be bringing back the Homo Room before he leaves for satellite. Howard said that he can't do it on the air there but he will bring it back when he moves to the new place. He said that he will bring back the Homo Room and the Penis Ping Pong bit they used to do as well. The caller was also asking Howard about some of his old bits that they used to do and asked if he could direct something for him. Howard said that he'll be making a bunch of stuff for Howard Stern On Demand and animating some stuff.
Howard asked Richard Christy how his ''Supertwink'' movie is coming along. Richard said he's actually hit a bump in the road because his computer has crashed and now he'll have to edit it up at the In Demand offices since they have better editing stuff available there. He does have some clips for Howard to play though. Howard played a couple of clips where Elephant Boy has a gerbil stuck up his ass and Artie is trying to plunge it out as he's playing the part of the plumber.
This guy Barry from MastersOfPain.com called in to tell Howard how nervous Artie looked the day they were shooting the movie. Barry loaned them the space to shoot the Supertwink movie. Howard said that of course Artie was nervous, he was around all of those guys who were shooting a gay movie. He told Richard to get some more scenes together so they can play them on tomorrow's show. He actually had a couple of others ready to go so Howard played another one where High Pitch was using his ''straight ray'' on planet Uranus to turn the whole planet straight... Since everyone from Uranus is gay.
Howard said he'd like to be part of the sequel to the movie but JD came in and said that he doesn't want to be part of the second movie unless he gets paid to do it. Howard told him to just do it, he's an actor now and doesn't need to get paid.
Howard took a call from this guy Bobby who created the original Supertwink movie. The guy told Howard his phone has been blowing up lately getting calls from friends telling him about how Howard is remaking it. Howard said that he hopes it's okay that they're doing a tribute to the original. Bobby said it's okay with him but he sold the rights to another company so it's really up to them. After that Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard said he was going to play a meaningful song this morning which turned out to be him singing a song parody about leaving terrestrial radio. It was to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's ''Have You Ever Seen the Rain.'' Howard thanked Richard for writing the lyrics but Robin goofed on him for singing along with Howard because it didn't sound all that great. Howard said he wasn't going to tell anyone that it was Richard singing, he was going to leave it a mystery.
Howard said that he's not going to the doctor to get it checked out because he knows it will go away. Last night he was trying to listen to the Howard 100 News and it didn't get on until 13 minutes past the hour. He said he blew his stack and called Tim Sabean who told him that it was the equipment and operator error last night. It's happened 900 times already and he needs to let go of handling all of this stuff himself.
Howard has made a deal with himself as of last night. He said he has to rely on other people to get these shows on the air over at Howard 100 and he can't be controlling everything himself. He has a lot of shows to develop and he has to let other's produce them and not rush them to air like he's been doing. Howard is a mess, his eyes are puffy and he's under a lot of stress. He's going to put the effort into his own show that he has to and let Tim Sabean handle the other shows on Howard 100.
Howard is going to have a meeting with Tim Sabean once a week instead of talking to him all the time. Artie told Howard that he needs a 'lude to calm himself down. Howard said that's basically what he's given himself. He has to turn off his ''work mode'' at 6:30 at night or else he'll be jumping out of a window. The move he's making is killing him and he's not having fun right now.
Artie said people ask him about the money that Howard is rumored to be making and he tells them that he's never met a harder working person. He's got a worth ethic like no one else he knows. Howard said he's also got a lot of great stuff going on with his Howard Stern On Demand show as well so there's a lot of great stuff going on. He's been in such a bad mood lately that he doesn't even like being in the same room with other people.
Howard said he sat down and read one of Dr. John Sarno's
There's also talk about Sal and his wife going into couples therapy. Sal came in and said he'd love to do that but he's pretty sure that his wife won't do it. He told Howard that they got a dog, on top of the three kids they have, and he almost got kicked out of the house because his wife yelled at him for not helping out with the dog. The dog has been crapping around the house and he's unable to get the sleep he needs. Howard asked Sal what his wife does around the house. Sal told him that she takes care of the kids all day.
Howard told him that if his wife told him to pick up dog crap around the house, he'd pull down his pants and go on the floor and then tell her to clean that up. Then he'd go downstairs and eat. He tried to give Sal some advice on raising the dog but Sal told him that his wife should be the one taking care of that. They should have gotten an older dog instead of a puppy.
Sal said his dog took a crap in the baby's room last night so his wife was yelling about ripping the F'ing carpet out. He said the dog is a Cockapoo named Cinnamon. He said he likes the Cockapoo name because there are two curse words in it. Howard told Sal that he's a woman and he should sit his wife down and explain to her that they're not going to have any more babies in the house. No more human babies and no dog babies. He said he should have told her that he didn't want anymore babies before he had the third child.
Sal said that his wife asked him about the dog when they went to look at it and since he was the final ''yes,'' he takes part of the blame for getting it. Sal thinks that Howard should be the one doing the couples therapy wit him and his wife.
Richard told Howard that Sal's wife went with them to the comedy show they did last week and he was so whipped. She was listening to her music in the car and wouldn't let him listen to the songs he wanted to hear. He also said that Sal disappeared after the comedy show so they couldn't hang out together.
Gary said that some people have said that Sal's wife is like a dictator but that's what Sal needs to keep him in line. Robin wondered if Sal is close to being Danny Bonaduce. Howard said he's nothing like Danny and there's only one Danny Bonaduce. Sal said that Danny tells his wife when he cheats on her, he would never do that himself. Gary said that Sal's wife was a pleasure when they were hanging out in Amsterdam.
Sal tried to get his wife to call in by calling her on his cell phone but she refused to call back. She hung up on him. That led to Howard playing the audio clip of Jack Nicholson yelling at his wife in the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' as they were going to break.
Norman said a friend of his had Howard on the air a few weeks ago and he heard the song and thought it was pretty good. Gary had taken a call from him and found out that Norman has been living off of that song for years now. Norman told Howard that it's been in a bunch of movies and commercials so he gets a lot of money from that. The song just recently went to number one again in England. It has been covered by a few bands and it's gone to number one with those covers.
Norman said that the song is very popular at funerals these days just because of the lyrics. Robin asked him if he can make six figures a year off that one song. Norman said ''Yeah.'' That's pretty impressive for one song to make so much money. Howard talked about how that song really is a killer song.
Gary asked Norman which movies the song has been in and he gave a quick list of what he could remember. It was in:
Howard asked Norman about writing the song and how long that process took. Norman said the lyrics were pretty easy but the music didn't come so quick. Norman has managed to keep the song all to himself even through two divorces. He said he told the wives that they could keep the furniture as long as he could keep the song.
Norman told Howard about his leg operation and how he had to have some metal plates removed from an operation he had done 15 years ago. It was pretty minor surgery. Howard went on to play The Losers' version of ''Spirit in the Sky'' since it would be the last time he could play it before the song is retired thanks to Infinity not allowing him to take his old material with him.
Howard asked Norman if he's had problems with religious groups over the years. He said he does get a lot of mail through his web site over the years and they do give him a hard time over some of the lyrics. Gary said that Norman didn't make money from the start and had to work as a chef for a while. In the 1980s the song started to appear in movies and that's when he started to make the money. Norman knew better than to sell the song to a company and lose all the rights to it. It was a very smart move.
Robin said that she was just thinking about Billy Idol who had a couple of hit songs and no job since then. He must be doing just as well as Norman is since his songs have been in movies. Howard thanked Norman for calling in and wrapped up the interview.
Howard said he's not sure about doing a show with Jack Black because he has bad mouthed him after doing the show. Fred played a clip of Jack and his singing buddy bad mouthing him on another radio show. Howard said it was Jack's opinion that his movie ''Private Parts'' was actually horrible but he's not sure why the guy was nice to him when he was on this show. Howard said that he will confront Jack if he sees him there at SNL. He said he's not afraid of him and will tell the scum bag to come over to him and say that stuff to his face.
Howard thinks that meeting Neil Young would be great and he doesn't even care about the Jack Black thing. The big problem now is that they're going to be doing the final show on the 16th. That led to him talking about the final walk from the old job to the new one and how Tom was giving him a hard time about giving away a $10,000 prize on that day. Howard said Tom doesn't want him promoting the new place with the ten grand. That's not what he wants to do, he's not trying to screw over the company on that last day.
Howard wants to say goodbye to his fans and show them how much he appreciates them. He's thinking of having a bunch of fans up to the studio to say goodbye and then he's going to move his stuff from the old studio to the new one. Tom doesn't want him doing that on the air so he'll just do it after the show. Howard isn't even sure if he could find his way to the new studio that day.
Howard is planning to throw a surprise party for his fans after the show that day. He's trying to scramble to find a place to hold the party but nothing is set yet. He said he's not even sure if they will broadcast it there on WXRK. Yahoo is going to be carrying it as news that day so even if K-Rock doesn't cover it, Yahoo will. He said he spoke to Lloyd Braun over at Yahoo and Lloyd told him they'd love to cover that last day.
Gary came in and asked Howard if he thinks that anyone on the show will break down and cry on that final day. Howard isn't sure that he will cry but Gary said he's feeling kind of weird himself and may break down. Howard said that every time he feels sad, the company screws with him and that just pisses him off. He said he's not a crier but he couple get upset if someone says the right thing on that final day. Robin said she's angry about the way they're being treated so she probably won't be crying on that final day.
Artie said he walks in the studio each morning and sees the dark area near the podium where so many great things have happened. Now that area is dark as they wait to move to the new place. Howard said the new studio has twice the space and he can't imagine what will go on over there.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that he's going to be there on the final day to walk with Howard and the gang no matter what the weather is. The fans haven't gotten together in a big group like that in many years so it should be great. Howard said he'd like to have a big sit down lunch with everyone but he's not sure how that's going to work out. He told Joey that he'll see him on the final day and told him to be ready to say a few words that day.
Joey asked Howard to please take his show off the Howard Stern On Demand thing because they show his penis, uncensored, on one of the old shows. He said he gets a lot of mail now about his small penis and he'd like that to stop. Howard and Joey talked about that show but the delay was hit since they were talking about genitals.
Ralph called in and told Howard to just do the Alec Baldwin Saturday Night Live because he's a great guest. He said that Jack Black sucks and not just because he's bad mouthed him. He was also saying that Shakira is hot right now and that might be the best time to do the show. Howard said it might be best to do it on the 10th so he can talk about it the week after instead of doing it on the 17th and waiting until January 9th to talk about it.
Howard said he could do a sketch with Shakira where he could dance with her with his belly exposed. He said that Ralph was making some sense with that stuff and he might have to do that week of SNL. He told Ralph about the rash he was talking about earlier in the show and how he has to cut back on the amount of work he's doing. He said he was working on the new show ''Meet the Shrink'' which is going to air next Monday. That's the show that Jeff the Drunk is going to be appearing on with their shrink Ellen McGrath. He quickly went over that and then got back to the SNL thing. He said he's probably going to do that show on the 10th instead of the 17th.
Howard said that Beth is a saint because she had sex with him last night and that helped him sleep. He's been unable to sleep lately but last night he actually got a good night's sleep after having sex with Beth. He decided to stop working at about 6:30 so that's going to help as well. Artie said Ralph has the same edict but his cut off time is 6:30... AM.
Artie told Howard that he should try to work with Amy Polar on SNL when he does the show because she's a funny chick. Ralph said there are some other funny chicks on that show as well. Howard was thinking about bringing back Land Shark but doing a satellite radio thing. Sal came in and suggested that they do a 3 minute animation thing and have Howard present it on the air over there. Howard didn't seem interested in doing that. Artie told Howard to call Robert Smigel since he does some of the cartoons over there. Maybe he could come up with something but they only have 9 days until air time.
Howard played a clip of Bill O'Reilly plugging all of the stuff he sells on his web site. He was reading mail that he claimed to have from fans who bought his junk but Howard thinks the guy writes those letters himself. One of the letters was from a woman who bought her husband a No Spin jacket for their anniversary. No one believed that someone would buy that as an anniversary gift. Howard said he's got to get one of those jackets and wear it on the show when he goes on. He saw some of the pictures of this stuff and saw that the No Spin Varsity Jacket was $149.95! Gary went through a list of some of the other junk he sells and goofed on that.
Howard said he's pretty sure he's taping the O'Reilly show this Friday. He didn't say when it will air though. Gary started to laugh when he saw that Bill has a Bill O'Reilly jigsaw puzzle. Howard went through more of the stuff that was on the list that he had and it was almost like they had everything and anything on there. Everything from pens to umbrellas. Ralph asked how many things were on the list. Gary said it just goes on and on and on. Gary found another interesting item which was a tin of mints for $12.95. Howard said they had to get to Captain Janks so he went to break a short time later.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) was stopping by today to say goodbye to the terrestrial radio show. Janks was dressed in a suit this morning but he's gained a lot of weight lately so Howard goofed on him about that. Janks said he tried to get dressed up today and now he's getting hassled. Howard told him that when he first started on the show he was like a little boy, now he looks like he's been stung by bees.
Howard talked to Janks about how great his calls have been over the years. Janks told them many years ago that he was going to call shows and get Howard as much publicity as possible. Howard said that when he moves to satellite this will be the first time he's truly been available nationally. He said he knows it will start out slow but he hopes that it will grow and grow. Janks has been there along the way, trying to help promote the show, following Howard from market to market and spreading the word.
Howard asked Janks if Darth Vader was in the room or if it was him breathing. Janks said it was his breathing and he's trying to quit smoking. He thinks that it actually stunted his growth. Howard took a call from a guy who gave Janks a ''Ya Zoo'' which is a reference to the Zoo Keeper down in Philly. The caller told Howard that one of the best calls Janks ever did was the call to Rosie O'Donnell's show as the mayor of Philadelphia. Rosie goofed on Howard even though it was Janks who mentioned Howard's name during the prank call. Janks said he remembers hearing that Rosie went nuts during the commercial break after the call came through.
Howard said another great call Janks did was to Mother Angelica's show where he asked her if she would ''spread for Baba Booey'' and she had to talk about how sick she finds some people out there. Janks told Howard the process he had to go through to get on the air with Mother Angelica. He said he has to give out his home phone number but he really doesn't care because when they call him back, he gets that on tape as well.
Janks said he has been threatened before over some of the calls he's made. He said that one of the calls he gets hassled over is the calls he's made to the Jerry Lewis Telethon. Howard played the call Janks made to Jerry, as Larry King, where he asked him about what he thinks of Howard Stern. Janks said that it took about 3 or 4 hours to set up that call and his friend Kevin Renzulli (KOAM.com) helped him set it up that day.
Howard gave Janks some plugs for his upcoming appearances and then took some phone calls. People were all over the place with their topics and weren't really sticking to talking about Janks. Howard got back to Janks' prank calls and played one where Janks called NBC News as a Newsweek reporter in France who was reporting on the death of Princess Diana. He told Brian Williams that Diana was in a rush to go rent ''Private Parts'' the movie before the video stores closed. Janks said that he seems to remember being threatened over that call as well. He said he's been doing this for 17 years now and people have never gotten used to the type of calls he makes. Howard said Janks is one of the key players on the show.
Artie said that his mother and sister aren't big fans of Janks' because he's the one who called the Las Vegas stations when they were out there and claimed that he was dead. Janks said that never made it to national news though.
Howard had another call that Janks made to a show called The Family Show as Chuck Wollery. The real Chuck had been in the hospital so Janks called in as a sick Chuck. He then said that ''Rick Dees blows and Howard Stern Rules'' because Rick Dees was a guest on the show. The cast of the show went on and on talking about how the call got through.
Janks will be appearing at the Blue Horse in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania this Friday He'll also be at the Shanty Restaurant in Allentown PA on the 21st of December. Howard gave him the plugs for his appearances and then wrapped up with him. Janks said he's had a great 17 years with WYSP and K-Rock. He started to get a little choked up but Howard had to go to break so he let it go and went to commercial.
Howard had Sal come back into the studio to talk about what's going on. Sal said that Will is trying to get her on the phone but she's really mad at him. He said that she thinks that he's painting her to be a psycho but he's not trying to do that, he's just venting his frustrations about marriage. Howard told Sal that most of the problems he has he's brought on himself.
Sal's wife Christine was on the phone so he brought up how Sal had taped her earlier off the air. Howard asked to play it on the air and she said that was fine. Howard played the tape and Christine goes off on Sal for the stories he was telling about the dog earlier in the show. She said that he was lying about taking care of the dog last night. She also went off on him about not helping out with the dog. She said that he's making her seem like a monster and she's really not. She went off on him about how she has to get up at 4 in the morning to let the dog out, when he's awake, because he can't get up 5 minutes earlier to let it out.
Howard told Christine that once someone's wife becomes your mom, it's over. She seemed to agree but she said she's not going to go into therapy over it. Howard said he told Sal that this is his fault because he caved in and got their kid a dog just because he wanted one. Sal asked Christine about what went on with the dog but Howard told him that he should have said ''no'' to the dog from the start. He shouldn't have agreed to have gotten the dog at all.
Christine said that they've been looking at dogs for over a year now and Sal was in on the decision. Howard said that he told his wife from the beginning that he didn't want to take care of the kids or the house, he was going to be making a living. That's why he's no longer married.
Christine started to go off on Sal for not helping to take care of the dog so Sal freaked out and started yelling at his wife. He said he bought the dog as a nice gesture for the family and this is the way he gets treated. Christine told Howard that she does work and make money, it's not like she stays home all the time. Howard wasn't aware of that and said that makes things different. She said she works one night a week at a staffing agency from 6:30PM to 7AM.
Howard asked Christine why they had to get a dog if they have three kids and can barely handle them. They went back and forth over that but nothing was getting settled. Howard told the two of them that they really should go into therapy over at Howard 100 when they get the shrink show going.
Ralph called in and said that Christine's voice was really intense and Sal should be lightening his load, not getting more stuff. He told Sal he should have started with his wife. He then said that she doesn't work so she should be taking care of the dog. Sal started to defend his wife saying that she does take care of their three kids all day long so she is working around the house. Howard said that this was turning into a disaster... That's when Christine said that Ralph did a horrible job dressing Howard for Letterman because he looked horrible. She said that his outfit was inappropriate and he shouldn't have been wearing an 18 year old's outfit. She said he should have been wearing a tailored shirt instead of a sweatshirt.
Howard asked Christine if she'd be willing to go into therapy on the new show they have starting up at Howard 100. She said that it might not be in Sal's best interest to do that because she might have to leave him. Sal asked if they could start tomorrow if that's the case.
Howard said that this is all Sal's fault, he's not man enough to say ''no'' to his wife about the stuff that's going on. Jeff the Drunk called in and said he thinks they should get a cat. King of All Blacks called in and told Sal that he's on his side and thinks that his wife should be taking care of everything at the house. That's what his wife does. King said that his wife actually works for a living, then comes home, takes care of his daughter and makes him dinner. He told Christine that she doesn't work so she should be taking care of everything at the house. Christine doesn't agree because she does work (one day a week) and does bring home some money. King said that money is gas money for her car, that's it. Sal said that he thinks they've found their therapist, a black garbage man with Moen faucets (King).
Christine seems to believe that while Sal is working from 4:30 in the morning until 6:30 at night, she is working at home and when he comes home, he should be helping out there. Gary said he doesn't buy into that deal because that's the same rap he gets from his wife.
Howard let Christine go and told Artie that he and Dana have it made right now because they live apart and don't have anything to screw up the relationship. He said that as soon as Dana moves in she'll start with the dogs and stuff and it will screw everything up. To remind Artie what marriage is like, he replayed the call that Sal made to Christine off the air earlier where she yells at him about helping to take care of the dog. He then asked ''What is fun about this?'' and told Artie to take that home with him and think about it.
Howard told a story about Bob. He said that they used to avoid doing real pre-interviews so one time he asked Gary to find out some more information about Bob. It was probably about 8 years ago or so. Gary called Bob to find out some information and ended up interviewing him for over an hour. Gary said that Bob told him about he and his wife and what they'd gone through at the time. He found out that they had been married and separated about 7 times. He told Howard the stories that Bob told him back then and how crazy it all was.
Bob also told Howard about going AWOL when he was in the military back in the Vietnam era. He said he just got on a bus and went home at one point. The Military Police came and picked him up and threw him in the brig. He managed to get out of that by faking a seizure and acting crazy after that. They released him from the military after that. He also impersonated an officer while he was in there. There was also a time when he was in target practice and ended up poking holes in his target with a pen. He had 100 shots to take but ended up getting 123 out of 100 on the target. Bob said he was having fun while he was in the military and wanted to stay longer but they didn't find his hijinks very amusing.
Howard gave Bob a plug for a gig he has at the Pittsburgh Improv today through Sunday. Bob will also be at the Monte Carlo in Las Vegas on December 16th and 17th. Bob sounded kind of agitated about the lost TV development deal that he and Howard had. That deal fell through and some people who were working on the show went their separate ways. You can find more of Bob's upcoming appearances at RobertSchimmel.com
Bob's daughter Jessica (JessicaSchimmel.com) was out in the green room so Howard had her come in. Bob told a story about Jess' room mate who doesn't mind if guys go into the bathroom and pee while she's in the shower. Bob said that she's another attractive girl. Bob married one of Jess' friends who he met years ago. Howard asked Bob what he's doing because it sounds like he could end up with another one of Jess' friends.
Bob told Howard that he saw his new studio yesterday and Robin's booth is bigger than Jess' apartment. He said it was a very impressive set up. Howard had to take a break before getting to Robin's news.
Howard asked Bob if he's pleasured himself thinking about this roommate. Bob said he hasn't done that, especially while sleeping in his daughter's bed. Howard said that Jess is great because his daughters would kill him if he did something like that. Jess said that her father and Melissa, her old friend, are great together and she's happy that they're together.
Ralph called in and told Howard that these two are kind of creepy and weird because Jess is almost pimping her father out. Gary said that some of the guys out in the hall were saying that it's kind of hot the way they act because it almost seems like there's something going on between the two of them. Howard had Robin start her news while Bob and Jess sat in.
Gary said he heard that Scott was telling Beth that the only reason she's with someone like Howard is because he's got money. Gary had been in contact with Scott a couple of weeks ago and thought that he was a fan of the show. It turns out he's just a jerk and he was a ''jack off'' to Beth. Beth is fine with it all and asked him not to bother trying to take care of things his way. If Beth didn't ask him to hold off on that, this would be a whole different story.
Gary also told the guys that Scott wanted to come on the show to kick Dave Grohl's ass because Dave once goofed on him. The two of them apparently hate each other. Howard said he heard that Scott was running his hand up Beth's back while he was doing her show and it turns out he's just an asswipe and that's the end of it.
Ralph called in a short time later and said he saw Beth coming home yesterday and she looked really upset by what went on with Scott Stapp. Howard said she asked him not to get all worked up about it so he's going to leave it at that. Robin finished up her news after that. Bob told Howard a few more stories and remembered the first time he appeared on the show. Back then he told a story about his 11 year old son who wanted to meet Dolly Parton before he died so they contacted the Make-A-Wish foundation to try and make that happen. It never did. Bob said he usually doesn't mention his son when he talks about his kids because people get kind of bummed out when he tells them that he's passed away.
Bob tried to tell another story about his 14 year old daughter going to a rainbow party but the delay was hit and Howard wanted to talk to his girlfriend about the Scott Stapp thing. He wanted to apologize to her for saying that he called the staff maggots because she asked him not to. Howard said he's sorry he did that and said that she loves the staff over there. Howard told Beth that maggots are very important to the eco-system though. Beth said she was very mad at him for doing that and she didn't want him to bad mouth anyone over there. Howard said it was killing him to not say anything.
Howard said he really loves Beth and when she's hurting, he's hurting. Beth said that she knew that Howard was going to say something about them as soon as she saw the look on his face after telling him the story. Howard said he sat on the story for two days and it was killing him. Beth told him ''No sex tonight'' since he had done this to her.
Beth was also talking about the rash that Howard has on his right breast and how alarming it looks to her. She asked him to get it checked out today but Howard said he's got an interview to do today so he won't be getting it checked out. He said ''it's nothing'' and brushed it off as just being a stress related rash. He wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:40am.
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Howard started to sing along to the Queen song that was playing at the start of the show toward the end of the song. He then mentioned that he has a lot to get to today. After today he only has 10 live shows left on terrestrial radio.
Howard is taping an interview with Bill O'Reilly later today but it won't be airing live. He explained to Robin that he won't actually be in the same studio with Bill, it will be taped to make it look like it's live though.
Howard told Robin that he tried not to work past 6 last night but it was tough. He didn't listen to last night's Super Fan Roundtable show but he did start to listen to it this morning and now he's sucked in. The rash that Howard mentioned yesterday concerned him so much that he ended up going to the doctor after the show. They started injecting him with a bunch of needles and it felt much better after they did that.
Artie told Howard that he had a guy come up to him yesterday in construction clothes and covered in cement and asked him to tell Howard not to work too hard. He's not working hard like a construction worker but the stuff he's doing is pretty stressful.
The injections that the doctors gave Howard were some drug that he couldn't remember the name of. They gave him 10 shots in total and it felt really good after they did it. The rash was on his right side and under his right breast so they had to shoot him up in those areas. Benjy told Howard that on the Howard 100 News they had a doctor saying that he might have milk duct cancer. Howard said that's not what it is and that doctor should read Dr. John Sarno's
A listener called in to complain about the technical glitches they had on Howard 100 News on Wednesday night and said that people should be fired over that mess. Howard said that people don't call their cable companies and complain when some cable show starts late so he should get over it.
Howard talked about how the Armed Forces Radio people won't put him on over there and how it pisses him off. They will put Rush Limbaugh on the service. Manning told Howard about how his buddy got blown up in a Hum Vee but he did live through it. He said he's okay but it was a roadside bomb that got him.
Manning asked Howard for an iPod
Howard let Manning go after that and talked about what a mess that war is over in Iraq. He said he feels bad for anyone who has to go over there. He seems like a really great guy and Howard can't believe that there are senators out there more worried about indecency on radio than they are about the war over in Iraq. Howard started to go off on the religious right and how they're ruining this country. He talked about how our own President is bowing down to them now.
Howard said that if President Bush had a kid in the service, he'd have a plan for getting out of Iraq. Right now he has no plan and it's a mess. That led to Howard talking about how the religious right also wants to abolish abortion and force people to have unwanted kids. Then they aren't willing to do anything to help take care of those unwanted kids.
Howard is worried about this guy Keith Manning and he wants to hug him when he sees him. The guy has a family and a wife that need him but he's over in Iraq risking his life. He said he's going to pray that President Bush has a plan to end the war in Iraq because that's all he can do.
Gary told Howard that Keith asked for some porn to be loaded on his iPod
Gary came in and told Howard that Christian Slater was on the phone to wish Howard luck with his move. He said he was pretty sure that it was actually Christian Slater after asking him a bunch of questions. Howard first played a couple of Baba Booey songs to goof on Gary. He played the newest one which was a Janis Joplin parody.
Howard picked up the phone and attempted to talk to Christian who was on a cell phone. His phone connection was worse than Sgt. Manning who was calling from Iraq. Christian said he had some stories to tell Howard when he moves to the new place. He also told Howard that he appreciates him not bashing him on the radio show. Howard said he really wants to interview him when he's not on a cell phone. Christian admitted that it's a horrible connection but he had nothing better to do than to call into the show at 3:40am California time.
Howard asked Christian about being tasered by the cops and Christian said he'd talk all about that when he moves to the new place. Howard told him not to back out on him because he really does want to know what it's like to be tasered. Robin mentioned that she had seen Christian over in England a while back and he was very good in the play she saw.
Howard asked Christian if he was hitting Lindsay Lohan who is in the movie he's working on. He said she's a very nice girl and he's not hitting that. Howard told him he should ''climb on that'' and get her while he's single. Howard also asked Christian how he can get a hold of his ex-wife because he'd like to hit that himself. Christian said he'd give him the number when they move to the new place. Christian's cell phone cut out around this time.
Robin and Howard said that Christian is a whole radio show with all of the stories he has to tell. Howard talked about how hot his ex-wife was and how nutty the guy is. Howard said that the guy is the nicest guy and very sensible when he's spoken to him. Then he goes and gets drunk and gets tasered off a roof.
Since they were on the subject of tasers, Howard played a new clip from COPS where a guy started to cry as they were walking him back to the police car. He was a little drunk and complaining about the handcuffs hurting him. Howard said he could never be a cop dealing with stuff like that. Years ago the cops could whack the guy on the head with a stick and calm him down, nowadays they can't touch the guy. He had to take another break after that.
Suzanne eventually gave her statement and said she's got a movie coming out about her life called ''My Life as an Underdog'' and you can see a preview of the movie at ArtOfMadness.com. She gave the statement, told Howard to watch himself in the future and hung up. Howard wanted to talk to her and offer the movie on Howard Stern On Demand so people could see the movie but she didn't stay on the line long enough.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Suzanne about the way she blames his show for people making fun of her at the parades she appears in. He wanted to find out if it's really his show that causes that or if it's her. Gary came in and said that it was very odd that she was calling in to promote something because she's never done that in the past. They figured that she must have gotten a call from someone who made her make the call. Gary thought it was nice that they finally got to talk to them before they leave terrestrial radio. Howard also said he likes that Suzanne has finally been tainted by the entertainment world.
The guys talked about the old days when Suzanne would come on the WWOR TV show and claim that she was being held against her will.
Howard said he got a ton of e-mail yesterday and people like Doug Goodstein are hounding him to go over stuff that he doesn't have time to do. There's just so much going on that he doesn't have the time to do it all right now. He's trying to chill out a little bit because he has 5 years to get to all of this stuff.
Gary and Howard talked about how far the Howard 100 News department has come in just 2 months and that's impressive in itself. Howard said he's got other shows in development like ''Crackwhore View'' and stuff like that.
The 60 Minutes interview that he did is going to be airing this coming Sunday and they're already letting out some of the details of that. Then there's the Esquire Magazine article about him that turned out really good. Howard said that they basically transcribed the conversation that he had with the reporter and it's really good because they're his words exactly. Gary said there are some curse words in the article, not a lot, but there are some, and that's the way he pictures Howard talking on satellite radio. He said he wasn't just cursing to curse, they were just punctuating what he was saying.
Gary read some excerpts from the Esquire article that he found interesting. Howard gave his thoughts on things like the war in Iraq and a few other things that Gary thought were interesting. Howard said the magazine is out now.
Howard had thoughts on how the conversation really should have gone. He wanted to say that everyone wishes people were dead, even if they don't admit to it. He was also saying that Al Sikes was taking away his freedom of speech way back then and that's why he wished his cancer would spread. That led to him talking about Lenny Bruce and how he went through the same type of bureaucracy that he's going through now and that's what drove Bruce to use drugs and ultimately died. Howard said he deals with things differently and that's why he wishes cancer upon people who try to silence him. He isn't going to stick a needle in his arm, he's going to defend himself. That's also the reason he's moving to satellite.
The first interview was so bad that Howard asked them to burn that interview because it really wasn't him. He knew that wasn't the way to do the interview so he changed his tune in the second and third interviews. Howard said he's really excited about the Esquire magazine article because he was on top of his game when he spoke to that reporter and they wrote down his words just the way he said them. The 60 Minutes interview didn't go over that well.
Howard said that he was up at 3 in the morning last night yelling at himself over that interview. He said he was upset with his own answers but he's glad that he didn't apologize for what he did in that interview. He's already hating that segment and he hasn't even seen it yet. He knows that Ed Bradley was being dishonest when he said he hasn't wished anyone dead in that interview and he should have confronted him on it. Howard was also saying that when he wished cancer on Al Sikes, it was a funny show. He doesn't actually have the power to give someone cancer so it's not like he has the ability to kill someone with cancer. He said he still wishes that the guy was dead but that's not going to happen just because he wishes it on someone.
Howard said that he heard that Howard 100 News is going to be evaluating his 60 Minutes interview and that makes him scratch his rash even more. It's all stress to him. Artie thought it was great that Howard answered Ed Bradley's question with another question because no one ever does that on those kinds of interviews. Howard knows that even he was being kind of dishonest that day because he just wished cancer on someone the other day. He would certainly wish it upon Sikes today if the same situation came up. He and Robin both think that Bradley wasn't being honest about not wishing someone dead since he was a kid.
Howard let Jeff go because Gary had an audio clip from the CBS news this morning where Ed Bradley talked about his interview with Howard. Howard was afraid of what he was about to hear but Bradley was being very nice. He said that he really liked Howard and found him to be a good guy. They played a preview clip from the 60 Minutes interview that's going to air this Sunday, December 4th. In the clip we hear Howard talking about his parents and the way his father treated him. He also talked about his mother and how involved she was in his childhood.
Bradley and the other CBS reporter talked about Howard and how he really is a good guy even though you wouldn't believe it after listening to his radio show. They were actually very nice to Howard and that made him feel better about what might air on Sunday night. Howard joked that his rash just went away because the stress of that interview was off of him. Howard told everyone to watch the interview and that Howard 100 should do the review of the interview afterward.
Howard thinks that he and Ed liked each other so much that they were talking a lot off camera. Howard said he blamed Ed for the bad first interview but now realizes that it wasn't Ed, it was him. The interview sounds like it will be very fair after hearing that one clip. Artie told Howard he really should try to relax over the next few weeks and not stress out so much.
Howard said that Gary told him that 60 Minutes has two different versions to run this Sunday all depending on how long a football game runs. He had the producer of the segment, Ruth Streeter, on the phone but she was on a cell phone and was sick so she could barely speak. Howard told Ruth about how he was beating himself up about the interview earlier in the morning and then saw Ed on the Early Show and changed his mind. Ruth said some nice words about Howard saying that he's a great entertainer. He told her that he might have to bang her but Ruth said that she would rather have a cup of coffee.
Gary came in and said that the football game on CBS this Sunday is going to determine which version of 60 Minutes they see. If the game runs long, 60 Minutes gets an hour and a half show that will feature more of Howard's interview. Ruth is hoping that the game runs long so they can get that extra-long show on. Howard is hoping the game doesn't run long and they have to show the shorter, 1 hour long, version. Ruth told Howard he'll be happy with what he sees on Sunday night.
Howard went on to talk about his big media blitz and how he's trying to pick a week to do Saturday Night Live. His initial thought was to do the week with Jack Black and Neil Young but he knew that Jack had bad mouthed him on another show one time even though he was on his show and had a good time. Jack was on Love Lines a couple of nights after the interview he did and bad mouthed him and his movie.
Howard thought about doing the December 10th Saturday Night Live with Alec Baldwin but he's still not sure what to do. Gary called him last night and told him that Jack Black wanted to come in and apologize today but he wasn't sure he wanted to do that either because he won't know if he's being honest or not. Robin wondered how they can figure out if the guy is being truthful or not.
Jack Black came in a minute later so Howard gave him a plug for the ''King Kong'' movie that he's starring in and accepted an ''olive branch'' from him but it looked like marijuana to the guys in there. Jack then told Howard about the interview that they played and how it was actually a repeat. Howard said that's what he was thinking it might be but they still thought that it was live.
Jack said that he's an evil, back stabbing, two face and there he was. He's been listening to the show for 15 years and it makes him laugh really hard. He was praising Howard but Robin wanted him to hear the clip that they played yesterday. Howard played the audio clip where Jack and his partner in Tenacious D talked about how bad his movie ''Private Parts'' was. Jack said that he only said about 10 percent of the bad stuff, his partner, Cage, said the rest. He was just ''rolling with the poison'' and maybe he shouldn't have done that.
Jack said he hopes that Howard doesn't end his regular radio show by saying that Jack Black sucks or something like that. Howard said he thought they had a great interview the time he was on the show and thought that he was a fan so he doesn't have any bad feelings toward him. He accepted Jack's apology and thought that he was being sincere.
Howard then broke the news to him that he's not going to do the SNL show with him on the 17th, he's probably going to do the 10th with Alec Baldwin. Howard said he would have confronted him at SNL if he was going to do that week's show. He really wanted to meet Neil Young so he and Jack talked about how great he is. Jack talked about the all time great performers on his list and Neil Young is right up near the top of that list. Jack suggested that Howard do both weeks of SNL, a one-two punch and then out. Jack said he hasn't even been thinking about what he'll do over there at SNL. He's just going to show up and try to come up with a good opening monolog.
Howard asked Jack about the ''King Kong'' movie and how long it took to shoot. Jack said they were in New Zealand for about 8 months shooting the movie and it was great. He said he didn't want it to end because he was having so much fun. He said there was a lot of green screen shoots and someone pretending to be Kong during the shoot.
Howard figured that he was overreacting to that audio clip that they played where Jack and Cage were badmouthing him. He got really pissed yesterday when he heard it and now he's not sure why he was so upset. Howard started to wrap up and wished Jack luck with his next movie. Jack also wished Howard luck with the move to satellite. Howard said he feels bad about not doing Saturday Night Live with Jack. He was thinking about doing a King Kong thing with Gary as King Kong. That led to the guys talking about what they could do on SNL that night like go back stage and improv trying to get Tina Fey's top off.
Howard asked Jack if he's with his old girlfriend Laura. Jack said they broke up and he's dating a girl he went to high school with. He never got to date her back then but she now claims that she liked him back then. Howard asked Jack what it was like the first time he got into her pants. Jack told him it was none of his business. Gary came in and told Howard that Jack had to get going because he had other interviews to do. Howard went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard brought up the big revelation show that they were going to do on his first day at the new place. Fred is now in on that show but Gary is out according to Will. Will told Howard that Gary's second story isn't all that great so Will is throwing it out. Gary said that he could tell it now if they don't think it's that great.
Howard asked him to reveal it so Gary told them that he once had sex with a woman while impersonating someone else. Gary said that he and a friend of his were hanging out with this woman. The woman liked his friend who looked a little bit like him. Gary said that she got really drunk once so he told his buddy to go bang her. His friend didn't want to do it so his friend told him to go do it since he looked a little like him. Gary claims that he started to make out with her but didn't ''finish'' until after he told her who it really was.
Artie told a quick story about how he picked up a woman who thought he was famous. He said this drunk chick once came on to him because she thought he was Andy Richter from the Conan O'Brien show. He said the girls wouldn't leave him alone so he went out to a bar with them. He made out with the broad because she really thought he was Andy Richter. He said he never told the woman he wasn't Andy. He even told the story on Conan's show but he never felt an ounce of guilt about it.
Howard asked Will who else is out of the revelation show. Will said that Scott is out but Jason is now in. Ronnie the Limo Driver also has a story but he hasn't heard it yet. Howard said he heard that Ronnie is going down to Atlantic City with some Scores girls this weekend. One of the girls is the ''Vodka, straight up, Thank You!'' girl. Gary is also going down there to the Showboat Hotel House of Blues this weekend.
Howard told Benjy that if he really wants to do a show, he can cover for one of the Best of Stern Shows during Christmas vacation... if Tom was okay with that. Tom came in and said that maybe Benjy could host a Best of Stern show instead. Howard said that's probably not what he's looking for. Benjy said he'd be willing to do his own show in the middle of the night or something.
Tom said that he wouldn't like to have Benjy doing any show at any time. Benjy offered to let him take the show off at any time he doesn't think it's worth it. Tom thought about it but wasn't coming out with an answer. Gary told him that if Benjy was offered a show that could be taken off at any time, he'd be tuning in to hear it. Howard offered to give Benjy a 3 hour shift at SIRIUS
after the 16th of December. He's either going to do it on SIRIUS
or there at the station.
Tom was having a bad week and he's not sure about letting Benjy do the show. He was feeling crappy today but did change his mind and said that he would give Benjy a full hour on the Monday after Howard's last day. If it goes well, they'll let Benjy go longer.
Gary wanted to start the betting as soon as he heard that. The guys were thinking that he'd get pulled off the air after 10 minutes. Artie asked if Benjy could have one of the cast as a guest. Howard said that would be fine with him. He could ask anyone from the show to come in. Benjy hasn't given it all that much thought over the past 3 years because he didn't think it would become a reality. Now it is so he has to plan a show for the 19th of December. I'll be here reporting on the possibly disastrous show...
In the audio clip Scott was being encouraged by his trainer Radu to do more and more push-ups while a bunch of people were yelling and screaming in the studio. When he was done, Howard challenged the count and Scott goes nuts telling Howard that he'd better pay off.
Howard talked about how lame Scott's push-ups were and how they never should have paid off. They had to give Scott like $31,000 total even though he didn't come through with real push-ups. Howard remembered offering to give Scott the money if he would admit that he didn't do real push-ups. He eventually said that he didn't do them and got his money. Tom came in and told them that Scott got a total of $31,000 which included 10,000 from Howard, 10,000 from Robin, 5,000 from Jackie, $5,000 from Dominic and 1,000 from Fred.
Scott came in the studio so Howard asked him if he would admit that he didn't do real push-ups. Scott said his chest and knees never touched the floor but they weren't the prettiest push-ups. Robin said they did but Scott swears that he didn't.
Ralph called in and asked Scott to just admit they weren't push-ups. Scott had just done that. Ralph said that if you added them all up, it would be about 3 total. Howard said he was being kind. He had to wrap up and go to commercial after that.
Howard said that today's game is being brought to everyone by the movie ''Havoc'' in which Anne Hathaway gets naked. He said that she's smokin' hot too. He remembered seeing her in the movie The Princess Diaries and she was so innocent in that, now she's nude in Havoc.
Mike told Howard that he was going to keep him out of the ''Who's Gay and Who's Not'' issue of the National Enquirer as a gift for the final gossip game on terrestrial radio. That led to the guys talking about that issue of the Enquirer for a minute before the game.
Mike said that this might be his last game so he wanted to thank the people who have helped him come up with the phony stories over the years. He said he's got a whole staff of people who come up with the fake stories for him. He then moved on to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Double A said that he liked last night's Super Fan Roundtable show. Howard only heard the first 15 minutes but he liked what he heard and that those guys are his favorite.
Doug Goodstein from In Demand called in and said that Supertwink the movie will debut on January 1, 2006. He's seen the movie going through production and he's been laughing his ass off at it. Richard came in and said that he's been working on the movie until 11pm every night because he's so into it. The whole idea for the movie was to have JD direct and produce it but Richard took over because he wanted to make sure it was actually done.
JD came in and said that he's not up for doing a second movie even though Howard is thinking about doing another one. JD said he wants to get paid for the second one. Howard talked to Richard about the movie and played some audio clips from it. In one clip Artie is plunging out the gerbil that's stuck in Fred the Elephant Boy's ass.
Doug told Howard that they'll be doing a full Commentary version of the movie and a ''making of'' the movie as well. He told Howard about a shoot they did in an office building where the windows were uncovered. The building across the street was in full view of the rape scene that Richard and Sal were filming so there were people watching. Artie wanted Doug to hold off on the release of the movie because he wanted to have a party for it. Howard said he'd hold off on the party until Artie as back in town if he wanted. Artie said he'd be back on the 2nd. Howard said they could have a premiere party on that day then.
Howard asked Richard about playing the part of the love interest in the movie. He kept saying that he looks like Raquel Welch from an old movie but Doug said he really looks like Miss Piggy with that pink skin tone of his. The delay was hit during the discussion.
Howard let Doug go and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who complained about the Super Fan Roundtable guys all saying that she's annoying. Howard and Artie wondered if she was really surprised by that. She was surprised and doesn't think she's all that annoying. Howard hung up on her and took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he'll be wearing his ''Dr. Hetero'' costume on December 16th when Howard makes his walk from the old studio to the new one.
A stripper from Philly told Howard that she and a bunch of people from a strip club are going to be coming up to New York on the 16th on a party bus. She said they have 25 people coming up already and may have more later. Howard was trying to hook her up with Richard and JD so they could stay in their apartments. JD said he could probably fit 10 women in his apartment if they slept on air mattresses. Howard had Gary hook the guys up with the girls. Bong Hit Eric also called in and said he had some room at his place so Howard told him he'd try to hook him up as well. He ended the show around 10:35am.