For the week of 10/10/2005 to 10/14/2005

• The Best Of Stern. 10/10/05. 6:00am
  Howard and the guys were off for Columbus Day today. They should be back live tomorrow. Meanwhile, here's what we heard on today's The Best of Stern:
• Jack and Rod Show phony phone call.
• The Gossip Game With Guest Steve O. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
• 10/25/02. 9:05am
  ''Jackass'' star Steve O came in to promote the ''Jackass'' movie that opens today. Before he came in Gary came in and told Howard that Steve O had a backpack with him and it was full of beer. Of course Steve was plastered by the time he got into the studio. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about the movie. Howard found out that Steve hasn't even signed a contract for the movie yet. He said they never came up with a contract that he thought was fair so he never signed. Howard wasn't even sure how they could release the movie without him signing a contract. Steve said that he's been doing the ''Jackass'' thing for years and he didn't want to hold up the movie release. Howard spent a little while talking about that and how funny the movie is. Howard mentioned a few of the stunts they do and spoke to Steve about those. Howard also brought up Steve's girlfriend who was with him the last time he was on the show. Steve claims that they never even had sex. Howard took a break after talking to Steve for a short time and then came back to play the Mike Walker Gossip Game.

  After the break Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Steve. He said he's a big fan of Artie Lange's and couldn't believe someone was saying Artie wasn't funny on the E! show last night during ''It's Just Wrong.'' A couple of minutes later Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play the game. Howard talked to Mike for a few minutes about the ''Jackass'' thing and how crazy Steve really is.

  Howard got to the game a short time later so here's how it goes: Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:

  1. Johnny Depp called police when he saw a burglar breaking into a neighbors house. What he didn't know was that the same burglar had broken into an upstairs window and stole $72,000 worth of jewelry.
  2. Oprah Winfrey painted a plaster mask for a charity event. Her mask was passed over and didn't get any bids.
  3. Alicia Silverstone used a AAA card instead of her ATM card in an ATM machine. She had to pluck it out with a pair of tweezers.
  4. Uma Thurman got upset when her husband Ethan Hawke failed to show up on time to a lunch date. She ended up writing him a 2 page note about how family is supposed to come first.
  Steve O went with number 2 while Howard and Fred went with number 3 as the false story. Robin went with number 4 and Adam went with number 1. The actual false story was number one so Adam was the only one to get it correct.

  Howard spent a few more minutes with Steve O. Steve told Howard he had an idea for a new stunt and wanted him to punch him in the head. Howard was afraid to punch him but eventually got a good whack in there. Howard said Steve had a welt on his head after he worked up the courage to actually punch him. After that Howard took some phone calls for him including a few people who told Steve how much they love the stuff he does in ''Jackass.'' A woman told them that she saw the movie last night and the people in the theater were all going nuts when they saw the stunts they were doing.

• Gary's Lost Video Tape. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
• 6/18/99. 6:30am
  If you didn't hear yesterday's show you have to read about the lost Baba Booey tape that I wrote about. This morning Gary brought the tape in and was ready to collect his money. He told Howard that he watched it again last night and it's even more embarrassing that he remembered it to be. He said it wasn't just a couple of months after he and Nancy broke up, it was 7 months later! Gary said that he wanted to cut out the first three minutes of tape because it was kind of boring but Howard wouldn't let him do it. He also told Howard that he wanted to nullify the Death Pool deal they had with Walter Matthau. Howard told him the deal was off. When Gary found out how much money was up in the air he changed his mind. KC came in and told Gary that he had $18,000 in his hand but a short time later he said it was only $10,800. He said he forgot a zero. It turns out there was a total of over $18,000 including the $7000 that Howard and the rest of the crew were putting in for the tape. 3 guys showed up for the first showing and there were others for the second showing with less money. The first 2 guys came in with a total of $10,000. They got front row seats for the video. Howard even had popcorn popped for the guys to eat while watching the tape. The first viewing went off a little bit past 7:00am. This Jewish Canter came in and sang a special Baba Booey version of the Star Spangled Banner for Howard but he didn't like it so he cut him off and kicked him out of the studio. It turned out that the first 3 minutes had some really funny stuff in it. Everyone got to see Gary from 11 years ago with his John Oates(Hall and Oates) look.. big moustache and all. Gary started off telling Nancy why he was doing the videotape.. because he couldn't ''get an audience'' with her. He told Howard that he was able to talk to Nancy on the phone but she wouldn't see him in person. He also said he was able to date her after he made the tape but didn't get into details. Everyone in the studio was laughing hysterically through the tape. The fans who showed up were commenting on Gary's big teeth and moustache. Everyone agreed that Gary came off as a big pussy.. and that was after only 5 minutes of the 12 minute tape! Howard took a break and came back to keep the tape going. Gary hints that he may propose to Nancy a couple of times but those big choppers don't let it out. The first viewing went on for over an hour and 10 minutes. There were plenty of funny parts in the tape to make it worth rewinding. At one point Gary tells Nancy that he ''lost my lover and my best friend'' and that she lost the same thing but gained another lover and best friend. Then he says that he gained some lovers but no best friends. Everyone burst out laughing. Howard called that formula ''Teeth=MC2'' or his ''Theory of Toothativity.'' Everything on the tape was about Gary, not about what Nancy might be feeling. Gary actually tells Nancy what she must be feeling. Surprisingly there were a couple of women who called in and told Gary the tape was sweet. Most of the other calls were telling him he's a loser. Gary wasn't watching any of the tape because he was so embarrassed by it. At one point near the end of the tape Gary does one line of baby talk where he says he's ''not the begging type'' but he is begging. After watching the tape there was applause and Howard tells Gary ''You are weird!'' Howard took a break and moved on to the Mike Walker gossip game.
• Howard Talks To Richard Simmons About 800 Pound Man.
• This segment was pretty old and doesn't appear in my archives... Richard Simmons had called in to talk to Howard about an 800 pound man who had been hoisted out of his house by a tow truck. Richard to talk about helping the guy but Howard was very insensitive and made fun of the fat guy instead. Richard ended up crying because he got so upset with the way Howard was treating the situation.
• David Lee Roth As A DJ.
An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
• 4/1/03. 7:05am
  (Snipped) Stuttering John came in and told Howard that David Lee Roth was trying to be a real DJ when he covered for Cane yesterday. He'd just heard the first break worth of David Lee's DJ stint. A couple of callers said it was horrible, one guy said it was great. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that David Lee was Casey Kasem all over again. She said it sounded like something from the 70's. Howard finally got some tape of David Lee's stuff and played it. He introduced a Linkin Park song and didn't do such a bad job. One caller said that David Lee cursed as soon as he found out there was no delay on his segment. The caller said that Dave was actually funny while he was doing the job. Howard said he got depressed when he found out David was doing the DJ thing. He said that he's the lead singer from Van Halen and now he's a DJ. Howard ended up talking about other music stars who became DJs... Flo and Eddie, The Turtles. They used to work on his station so Howard talked about that. He said Flo was cool with his show but Eddie was a dick. More callers had some stuff to say about David Lee Roth after that. Another guy called in and said he was horrible. Howard played another clip and he really wasn't that bad. Howard said someone must have spoken to David before he went on the air so he kept it pretty short as he did the intros. One caller said that David Lee can't even sell out a show anymore. He said he's doing a show in a couple of months and it's not sold out. Howard said he'd go to see the show if David does old Van Halen songs. He said he still can't believe how tame David sounded in the clips he had.

• Various Stuff. 10/11/05. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''Password'' with Sal and Tom Chiusano bit, KoRn performing a cover of ''Another Brick in the Wall'' live in Howard Stern's studio.

  Howard started off the show talking about the KoRn song he heard at the start of the show. He said that he thinks he likes that better than Pink Floyd's version of the song. He mentioned that Hugh Hefner would be calling in later in the show so the guys spent a short time talking about that. Artie said he guesses that Hef will be taking some time off from having sex to talk to them. Howard said that he even gets sick of sex sometimes. Artie said Hef's way of getting away from sex for a while was to get married for a little while. Now he's got an ex-wife who lives in a mansion next door. Robin brought up how Eddie Murphy's divorce is apparently getting ugly and Hef has never had that problem.

• Howard Talks To Program Director Tim Sabean. 10/11/05. 6:05am
  Howard mentioned that he has a new Program Director over at SIRIUS 100 and that is Tim Sabean. It was a surprise announcement yesterday and it shook the radio industry when they announced it yesterday. Fred played the ''WOOO HOOO'' scream that Tim did for them on the phone years ago when he had some great ratings news for them. Howard said he's really looking forward to working with Tim, who has to move up from Philly to work with them. He thinks that Tim is going to get an apartment there in New York and then go back to Philly on the weekends. Howard and Tim talked about what Infinity would do once he made the announcement. Tim thought he'd be fired while Howard didn't believe that would happen. As soon as Tim made his announcement, Joel Hollander had him escorted out of the building. Howard said that Tim has been working for Infinity for like 20 years now.

  Howard had Tim on the phone a short time later and said that he's ready to go over to SIRIUS today. The two of them spent a few minutes talking about their upcoming jobs. Howard was on fire yesterday about getting things going over there. Tim said that it's been an emotional ride for him for the past few weeks. He said he spoke to the General Manager down in Philly yesterday and had to break the news to the staff at the station down there. Howard said that Kidd Chris was kind of bummed about that news because he just started down there in Philly himself. Tim said he wasn't escorted out of the building but he was asked to leave once he informed corporate that he was leaving. Tim told Howard about all of the things he was overseeing there at Infinity before he was let go.

  Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to call Tim a scumbag for cutting off the beginning of the show all the time and what a scumbag he is. Tim said that they go right into the show as soon as it starts but the caller said that's not the case. Howard told Tim he was fired for doing that but it was too late, he was already fired. Howard wanted to know where Gary was this morning, he wasn't in yet and they couldn't get a hold of him. He wanted to talk about his office over at SIRIUS because there area lot of people who have glass walls. He said all he wants to do is sleep in his office. He mentioned that he has had sex in his office there at the station so Robin tried to find out who it was that he was having sex with. He wasn't talking though. He said it was when he was still trying to keep things on the down low back when he first got divorced.

  Tim said that he'll be up to New York on Monday and he'll be looking for an apartment to move his family up there. He said his kids are grown up so that makes things earlier for him. Howard and his agent were talking about Tim and his agent was saying that Tim was divorced but that's not the case. Howard wasn't sure where exactly Tim would be working out of once he moves to SIRIUS but he's very excited about him coming over with him. He got some great write-ups in the news yesterday. Tim said he's looking forward to working with him and got off the phone.

• Artie At The Yankee Game. 10/11/05. 6:15am
  Artie said that he knows Tim a little bit because he helped set up some stand-up comedy shows down in the Philly area. That led to Howard talking to Artie about the Yankees game on Friday night since he had gone down there to see it. Robin said she laughed her ass off when she saw them lose that game. Artie thought that was kind of un-American of her to do that. They talked about the players that blew the game. They talked about how Randy Johnson got booed like never before when he was losing the game. Artie said that he's really bummed out about the Yankees blowing it like that but he loves baseball so he'll still watch the World Series. He said he's so into the games that he'll probably stay up and watch every game even if they're on until 1 in the morning.

  Artie was at the Yankee game on Friday night and a security guard came up to him and asked him if he knew this guy... who turned out to be High Pitch Eric. Artie doesn't know how he gets into the games but he's always hanging around with this nice guy Irish John. Artie figured he'd go say hello to Eric which would make him go away. Howard said he shouldn't even bother doing that. Artie said that Eric has been at a Yankee game and a Knick game in the past year where Eric has showed up. He figures that Eric must have this evil con-man rap that gets him into games or something. No one believes that he's retarded because he can swindle stuff out of people.

• Dizzy Tom Chiusano Update. 10/11/05. 6:25am
  Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard they know how High Pitch gets things like this, he's a big con-man and they've seen him do his thing first hand. Howard asked Tom about the whole Tim Sabean thing and what he thinks. Tom told him that he really liked Tim and it's a shame that he's leaving the company. Howard wondered why they didn't take him out of there when he made his announcement. Tom told him there's a difference between on-air talent and management. Howard also brought up how the company made an official announcement that David Lee Roth is taking over for him in New York City even though they've been talking about it for months now. Adam Carolla is the same thing, they've made the announcement but Howard said that Joel Hollander won't admit it to his people when they ask about it.

  Robin asked Tom about what's up with his dizziness. Tom said that he still has problems walking a week after vomiting at a golf game he was at. He was telling the guys about how he threw up at the course and it was one of the worst feelings in the world to do that because he threw up about 5 or 6 times there. Tom said they were playing a big tournament that day and he kept getting sicker and sicker as the game went on until he threw up. Tom was 2 under par after 4 holes when he started to get too sick to go on. Artie said that he once threw up on a golf course because he got so drunk. Tom told a story about how he told the guys that he was going to head back to the cart to go back to the golf center. He walked back to the cart to rest but he got so dizzy that he started to puke. It got progressively worse and he threw up more and more. Once he got to the hospital he was so dizzy that he would throw up each time he sat up. He said he's not dizzy now but he's still not at 100 percent. He is driving his own car now though.

  Captain Janks called in and asked Tom if he thinks that this is God's way of getting back at him for editing the show so much. Tom played along with that and said that must be the reason. He went on to tell the guys that the doctors have told him that he should be better within 10-14 days or so. He said it's a big problem when he first lays down in bed because he feels like his head is going to continue going backwards when it his the pillow. Howard had to wrap up with him a short time later so they could go to break.

• Gary Over Sleeps, Very Late For Work. 10/11/05. 6:45am
  After the break Howard played the prank call that Sal and Richard made to the hospital where Tom Chiusano was staying after his dizzy spell at the golf course. Sal asked the operator if Tom was dead yet on the first call. Then Richard called in as the Grim Reaper who asked to speak to Tom Chiusano. Sal called back again and said he was upset, very upset, that Tom was still alive. The operator threatened to call the police if he called back again, called him an a-hole and hung up on him.

  Howard said that Gary had just woken up so that's why he wasn't at work yet. Jason had just called him and woke him up. He recorded the call so Howard played that and goofed on Gary for a short time. Gary didn't know what happened or why he had overslept so long. He told Jason he was going to jump in the shower and he'd be there around 7:30. Howard wondered why he would jump in the shower when he was already 10 minutes late for work. Howard said that Gary is able to sleep anywhere and told a story about flying back to New York with him from L.A. one time. He had just been kicked off the Arsenio Hall show and needed someone to talk to on the flight back. Gary fell asleep and then started licking his choppers because they were all dried out. Gary woke up and asked for some orange juice to wet his whistle, then fell right back asleep. Artie said he's experienced that as well. Within 10 minutes he fell asleep while Artie was tossing and turning trying to get some rest.

  Howard replayed the call that Jason made to Gary and continued to goof on him doing his Baba Booey impression. Howard figures that Gary must sleep with those big horse blinders on him. When Jason called him, Gary didn't even know what time it was. Howard wondered how he doesn't have a clock in his room. Howard and Robin both said that Gary should have jumped in the car instead of the shower if it was already 6:10. Howard said he could have skipped his shower for the morning. He figures that he probably wanted to have his coffee and read his paper before coming in as well.

• Sal's Marriage Discussed. 10/11/05. 6:55am
  Howard was going to go to break but ended up talking about how busy he was yesterday. He said that he called his friend Richie who he runs with, and Richie wasn't able to go running because he had to walk his dogs. Howard said this is another guy who is pussy whipped and can't have his wife walk the dogs. He said that Richie does the cooking, cleaning and everything else. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that he was talking to his wife about the story he told last week about his wife going off on him about fluffing the cushions on their couch. He said he really doesn't want to fluff the cushions so his wife told him not to sleep on the couch anymore. Howard said that if he were Sal, he'd drag that couch out on the front lawn, douse it in gasoline, and light it on fire. Sal also said that his wife heard what Howard said about walking in their house with dog crap on his shoes and she said that would be fine, because if she was married to Howard Stern, she could afford to replace the carpets. Sal said he's stuck with her and he's trying to make the best of it. He went to a birthday party over the weekend and another guy told him he's in the same situation. Howard told Sal that life shouldn't be like that and he shouldn't have to deal with stuff like that.

  Howard said that Bubba the Love Sponge did an interview with Sal's wife that he really wants to play on the air. He's trying to get the tape to play on the air there so he might have Bubba come in tomorrow to do that. Sal said that Howard has it made right now because Beth is still in ''bait mode'' where she's trying to hook Howard into marrying her. That's why their relationship is great. Howard said that he kept Beth happy this weekend by giving it to her really hard on Sunday night.

  Howard talked about his busy day yesterday and how he was over at the new place lecturing people about what they were going to be doing. He was going to call Sal and ask him to be part of the meeting but everyone was doing their Columbus day thing. Sal said he would have been doing him a favor. Howard went on to talk about how the people at XM must be panicked right now because they apparently hired a guy who has been calling newspapers telling them that things must be horrible over at SIRIUS because they don't have any content on his channels yet. Howard's contract doesn't start until January though so it's not a big deal. Howard said that there won't be anything on his channel until he's ready to put something on there. Sal told some stories about some meetings they had with Walt Sabo over at SIRIUS recently where Howard was talking about putting nothing on the air yet and how freaked out Walt seemed while that was going on.

  Howard spent a short time talking about the ordeal they had to go through with Hugh Hefner recently and how he wasn't going to call in until about 3 in the afternoon. His people said that Hef doesn't get up until noon out in California so he wouldn't be able to record an interview until 3 in the afternoon. Howard said he wouldn't be recording an interview in the afternoon and if Hef wanted to call in, he'd have to get up early. He had to go to break after telling that story.

• Richard Christy's Father's Voice Mail. 10/11/05. 7:20am
  Howard came back from break and played a voice mail that Richard Christy's father left for him about what his family was up to that day. He talked about killing some chickens and how they were going down to visit his sister. Howard said that he loves to hear any message from Richard's father because his stories are so fascinating. They're literally living off the land out in Kansas. Richard came in and said he wishes he was there to have some of that horrible Squash pie his dad was talking about. He said that pie is really nasty. Howard had some fun goofing on Richard's father. Artie wondered what he was talking about when he said something about ''set lines.'' Richard said that's when his father sets lines out in the water to catch fish. He told the guys about this fish called Gar that no one in there had ever heard of. Howard said he likes when his father talks about killing raccoons and selling the meat to the black people out there where they live. Howard was doing his impression of Richard's father and having some fun with that. Richard told Artie that the supermarket is only about 15 miles away from his family's house but they still like to live off the land and kill their own critters to eat. Richard said they probably don't like the chemicals that are in grocery food.

• Tech Talk With Scott And Tony. 10/11/05. 7:25am
  Scott the Engineer came in and told the guys about this new FIOS internet service that they're offering in his area. He said that the FIOS is 15 Mbps which is about 3 times faster than cable modem is. Howard and Robin hadn't heard of it so Scott spent a minute telling them about that. He said there are about 12-15 towns in New Jersey that are getting the service from Verizon. They're trying to compete with Cable right now and they'll be able to download shows in real time with speeds that fast.

  Since they were talking tech with Scott this morning, Howard took a call from Tony Romando who wanted to talk about this special phone that guys can use to find out if their girlfriend is cheating on them. He told Howard that you don't have to do anything special with the phone, but you get to listen in on the line as she's talking to someone else. Tony said that they don't know how legal it is in New York though. The phone, a Nokia 7260, is available now and they do a review of it in Sync Magazine. They also review some other things that allow guys to spy on their girlfriends to find out if they're cheating or not. Howard said a lot of this stuff sounded pretty cool to him and he'd love to do it with his girlfriend but he could never do that. Howard read about another product they reviewed that works as a vocal lie detector. Tony said that's more of a party thing and it may not be very reliable. Howard let Tony go a short time later.

• Gary's Oversleeping Non-Story And Various Voice Mail. 10/11/05. 7:35am
  Gary had just showed up to work so Howard had him come in quickly to go over what happened. He asked him why he decided to shower before coming in even after oversleeping. Gary said he hadn't taken a shower since Saturday so he was all smelly. Plus, he has meetings with people today and he wanted to be clean. He told Howard how he had his clock set and must have just slept through the alarm. His wife didn't hear it either so there wasn't much of a story there.

  Howard said that they had some voice mail to play. He had one from Jeff Levy the vomit guy but he didn't think he could get through it because he's so grossed out by it. He played some of that but didn't last too long. In another voice mail a caller said that he was willing to give away free towels to any ''camel jockey'' who lost their home over in Pakistan. There was another voice mail from a guy who asked if Howard was going to take off any Chinese holidays and maybe even arbor day since he was taking off for Columbus day yesterday. Howard played another couple of calls from guys who goofed on Artie by talking about how much the Yankees suck. There were a few guys who sang songs about the Yankees loss.

• Packing Some Bits For The Move To Satellite. 10/11/05. 7:40am
  Howard played their John the Stutterer ''43 days left on terrestrial radio'' countdown since they only have that many shows left to go before they're out of there. He also replayed the call Jason made to Gary this morning to wake him up for work. He then got into some old bits that they haven't played for some time now. He had a phony phone call that Sean the White Rapper made to ABC years ago where he said that he thought the World Trade Center bombings were Howard Stern and Robin Quivers banging each other. Howard told Gary that was one thing they could actually take with them because it wasn't produced there at the station. There was also an old bit by Red Peters called ''Use Your Hand'' that they could also take with them because it wasn't produced there. Howard said that they'll take all of the Red Peters songs that they can't play on the air there anymore over to the new place.

  Howard mentioned that Artie's 38th birthday is today so he wants to take him out to dinner. Artie said that would be great but he might have to check with his girlfriend. Howard wants to take Robin with them as well but Robin said she's going to be packing tomorrow. She's moving so she needs to get her stuff packed up. Right around that time Howard had to fart so he stood up and let it rip. It was nothing like the farters he had on SIRIUS last week though. Robin told Howard that she was listening to some Shady 45 this weekend so Howard talked about what he's seen going on over there in the Shady 45 studio which usually has curtains up to keep people from seeing what's going on in there. They have the curtains on the outside so you can lift them up and see what's going on.

• JD's Movie Deal And Blog Entries. 10/11/05. 7:50am
  Howard brought up JD who was talking about making a movie last week. He said that JD has written a script and has been given a budget to make the movie for his In Demand channel. JD came in and said that he will direct the movie but Richard wants him to play ''Super Twink'' in the movie. They went over this Super Twink thing last week while talking about these gay guys that are called Twinks. Richard said that he has to play the part though. Howard thinks that JD sounds exactly like Napoleon Dynamite so he had JD repeating some lines that Fred was playing from the movie. JD said he knows he sounds the same and did an impression that was spot on.

  JD told Howard that his movie is not called Super Twink but the character in the movie is going to be a Super Twink. Richard said that JD basically wrote a movie about his life so Howard told him that he should be making a movie where he plays himself but also gets a lot of hot chicks. That way he could act in the movie and get all the hot chicks he wants. He tried to give him some advice and wanted him to make the movie like the bit they created using JD's voice and the SexxxyNoises.com chick. A short time later Howard had a copy of JD's script. He started to read it and told him that he wasn't doing it right. He told him to do the Super Twink idea they were talking about last week where Ralph would be his arch enemy. Richard told Howard some ideas he had for the movie and that's what Howard wanted to see.

  Howard said he heard that Artie's movie has been previewed out in California so he read the mail he got about that. Artie said that they did a rough cut of the movie and he was afraid the mail was going to be negative. The writer said that the movie was actually good and the 65 or so people who saw it were enjoying it. Artie heard that it went well but he wasn't sure the e-mail was going to be all that good.

  Ralph called in and said that he could make the Super Twink movie himself so Howard should let JD go ahead and make his own thing. The guys tried to convince JD that the Super Twink thing would be great. Ralph said that Vinnie is in on this whole thing and they want to document the whole thing like a Project Green Light type of thing. Howard wanted to go over the story with Ralph but he didn't have it all worked out yet. Everyone has ideas for the movie though so they'll be getting that ready for Howard's In Demand channel which starts up on November 18th.

  Howard ended up reading JD's profile from his MySpace.com profile (MySpace.com/JDHarmeyer) which wasn't all that cool. JD said that he should take that whole thing down. Howard asked JD if he thinks it's a good idea to list every band that he has on his iPod up on his MySpace account. JD said he knows he's not cool and that's not what he was trying to do there. Howard saw that JD had a new blog post up on his site and wondered if anyone actually subscribes to his blog. JD said he has no idea if anyone does or not. Howard saw that JD is part of a Fantasy Football league which is something that chicks aren't going to be into. He also saw some of his blog entries and one of them was about the interns they have there. Howard heard that JD latches onto new interns each semester and that he had already latched onto a new one. Gary sent the latest one, Caroline, into the studio so Howard could meet her. Caroline told Howard that JD has already asked for her number and told her that he'd like to hang out with her. She has no desire to be in his movie though. Gary asked her if she would do the movie for $500 and make out with him. She said ''sure'' to that question. Howard got back to JD's MySpace stuff and read an entry in his blog about an MTV show that he got pissed off at. Howard went through some of the other entries and goofed on him relentlessly. Gary told JD that the entry about being ''into chicks and movies and not always in that order...'' just wasn't right. It should always be chicks first, no matter what.

  Howard couldn't get past his blog entries so he continued to read through those. Ralph called back and told JD how gay all of that fantasy football stuff seems. Howard had to take a break a short time after that since he had gone so long without a break. The guys told JD to make a movie about girls wanting to touch his ''thingy'' and not about a fantasy football league or something lame like that. Howard tried to give him some advice on what to do and JD liked what he was hearing. Most of Howard's ideas involved JD having women wanting to have sex with him which is what he should be making as long as he has a budget and permission to make a movie. They finally went to break after Howard filled JD's head with more ideas.

• Kidd Chris Visits. 10/11/05. 8:35am
  Howard came back from break and played Kidd Chris' ''Sulu Dance'' song parody since Kidd was in the studio with him. Kidd said that's his ''Ice, Ice Baby'' that just won't go away. Kidd said he played the Sulu prank call he made on his show in Philly when he started down there and he got a call from a guy who yelled at him for stealing it from Howard. Howard is the one who took it from Kidd Chris though and it's Chris' voice in the call but the caller didn't believe that he didn't steal it.

  Howard took a call from crazy Susan who brought up circumcision and had Howard talking about that for a short time. Howard believes that kids shouldn't be circumcised so they tried to discuss that but the delay was hit on them multiple times. Richard Christy came in to talk about that stuff and Howard mentioned how the show has gotten kind of gay since Richard and Sal started working there. Richard and Sal have turned things kind of gay by getting naked and stuff like that.

  Howard saw a picture of Sal and Richard doing something weird over the weekend so he asked them what that was about. Sal was apparently hanging his penis over Richard's face as he was waking up and someone snapped a shot of it happening. The picture is up on Howard's web site. Richard has some ideas for doing more gay stuff with his penis like snapping it in a mouse trap. Kidd Chris has a guy on his show who stopped a fan with his wiener recently. Howard mentioned that Hugh Hefner was going to be calling in soon so Richard, with his southern drawl, said ''He's my hero.'' The guys aren't so sure that Hefner is Richard's idol because he's been doing so much gay stuff on the show lately.

  Howard spent a few minutes talking about Hefner and what they were going to talk to him about. Howard wanted to ask him about the rumors that Hef watches gay porn when he's having sex with the chicks over there. There were other things as well but Howard said he'd come up with more as they were talking to him. Gary told Howard that they have an amazing filing system over there because as soon as a chick becomes famous, they'll put them right in the magazine.

  Howard mentioned that Chris is on WYSP (94.1) in Philly now. Chris told Howard that he's in town for a Program Director meeting that they're having in New York this week. He said that they answer questions from Program Directors from all around the country. Howard wondered if they ask questions like ''what type of fan do you use when you want someone to stop it with their penis?'' Hugh Hefner was on the phone a short time later so Howard got to him.

• Hugh Hefner Calls In. 10/11/05. 8:45am
  Hugh Hefner was calling in with an important announcement so he woke up early this morning to talk to Howard. Howard asked Hef if it's true that he watches gay porn in his room when he's having sex with the hot chicks. Hef told Howard that he doesn't like guy-on-guy stuff and hasn't noticed any of that going on while he's having sex. Hef said that he hasn't had any guys in the room with him for the past 20 years or so but that kind of thing did go on years ago. Howard wondered who those people were but Hef wasn't talking. Howard asked him if Larry King had ever been up there with him. Hef just laughed. Howard said that he knows women who have participated in the orgies that Hef has in his room and he's amazed that he's still able to do that. Pam Anderson was on not too long ago talking about how she watched an orgy going on and how Hef was going through a bunch of women in there like a rotisserie. Howard wondered how he gets the women to participate in that kind of thing and what he does with women who stink down below. Hef laughed when he heard that and told Howard that they have the girls bathe before they have sex.

  Howard asked Hef about the process of bringing a new girl into the room with him and how they go about training them. Hef said there's no training involved and the girls participate if they want to participate. He also said that he's never gotten any of the girls pregnant accidentally even though he doesn't wear a rubber. Hef has only gotten his wife pregnant when he wants to.

  Howard heard that Hef always finishes up in a place where it's impossible to get a woman pregnant. Howard couldn't say where that was so Artie said ''in the ear'' to help him. Hef wouldn't say if that was true, he just said ''I don't know.'' He was also asked if he's glad that the Guccione empire is gone now. Hef said he actually feels bad for him.

  Hefner was calling in to talk about his new reality show called ''The Girls Next Door'' which is airing on E!. He also said that they're featuring his top three girls on the cover of his magazine this month and he's settling down a little bit by sticking with only 3 women at a time. Howard gave him a plug for an appearance he and his girls are making at the Virgin Megastore today at 12:30pm. He was also talking about how great the pictures of Kelly Monaco are. Hef said that Kelly was in the process of doing another layout but she's claiming that she wasn't and now she's pissed they're showing old pictures of her in the magazine.

  Howard asked Hef if Robin Quivers could get a million bucks to appear in the magazine and Hef thought he was talking about Robin Givens. He never did answer the question though. Howard whipped through a bunch of questions about who Hef is banging and if he's ever been fooled by a transsexual. Hef said he was fooled one time back in the 60s by a transsexual but he didn't get too far. The guy had just had his operation and was way too into showing him what had been done.

  Ralph called in and told Hef how great his Midsummer's Night Dream party was that he went to and how amazing it is to go to the mansion out there. Howard asked Hef about the girls that show up to the party and if they kick them out if they show up 20 pounds heavier than they were in the pictures they submitted to them to come to the party. Hef said they don't turn people away like that. Ralph said that's what they have the guys at the end of the driveway for. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Hef before wrapping up and giving him another plug for the appearance he's making at the Virgin Megastore today. Hef is going to be signing copies of the November issue of the magazine. He let Hef go after that and then did a quick review of what they had just learned from him and then went to break.

• More Kidd Chris And Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. 10/11/05. 9:25am
  Howard came back from break and played a news report about the David Lee Roth announcement that happened yesterday. The goofy reporters talked about how Roth probably isn't as raunchy as Howard is. Howard said that no one cared when Roth was doing afternoons on his station a few years ago, but now that he's replacing him, it's a big deal. Howard also heard that they're paying Roth $4 million for the gig. He also heard that Roth is broke but Artie found that hard to believe because he wrote all of those songs years ago. Howard wondered why the guy would take the job because it can only lead to disaster.

  Howard brought up the death of a guy by the name of Louis Nye who used to be a great talk show guest years ago. Artie said his uncle told him he went down to see Don Rickles and the guy killed. Artie said he'd like to go back stage and see if Rickles remembers working with him on ''Dirty Work.'' Howard told him he probably doesn't remember him and he should forget about doing that.

  Howard said that Gary told him that they're going to have a special guest coming in on Friday so Fred played one of the Baba Booey song parodies that Kidd Chris created for them. Gary wasn't sure if he'd heard that one yet or not.

  Howard had a tape to play from The Tonight Show where they had Kenneth Keith Kallenbach on the show. Howard had Kenneth on the show about 15 years ago and Jay will try to make his old bits new again. Howard played some audio from the show where Leno calls Kenneth ''Ken Callinback'' instead of by his real, full name of Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Leno was pretending like he had no idea what was going on during the segment even though they probably did 10 run-throughs before the airing. Howard said that the funny element about Ken years ago was when he would try to blow smoke out of his eyes. Leno even brought that down and made him blow air bubbles out of his eyes while wearing goggles with water in them. Howard said that Stuttering John must have mentioned Kenneth in a meeting or something but they make no mention of the fact that John has known the guy for 20 years. Kenneth was on the phone to say that he told them to introduce him as ''Kenneth Keith Kallenbach'' three times but Jay still called him ''Ken Callinback.'' Howard and Gary told Kenneth that the funny part of that bit is when he gags on the smoke from the cigarettes but Kenneth said it's too light and you can't see it very well on TV. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and pointed out that Jay had also stolen Stupid Human Tricks from David Letterman as well. The segment that Kenneth was on was called ''Don't Try This at Home'' but it was obviously a rip off of Letterman's bit and a rip off of Howard's guest.

• Artie's Weekend Of Food And Kidd Chris' Midget Molester. 10/11/05. 9:45am
  Howard had Robin start her news after that. During the news she talked about the NY Yankees loss over the weekend. Howard wondered if Artie did any drinking after his team lost like that. Artie said he didn't do any drinking but he was eating a lot. Howard said that Dana must have been sitting there watching him eat thinking about how he was going to be on top of her a little while later. Howard said she weighs like 90 pounds and Artie is like 200 or more. Ralph called in and asked if they could do a food blog where they list all of the stuff that he eats during a weekend. Artie was talking about the meal he had out at this restaurant over the weekend and how he had about 8 sodas with the meal. Howard said he eats like an elephant. Artie was talking about how he ordered in food on Saturday because it was raining out. He said he had a meatball parm sub, some white pizza, fried callamari, sausage and peppers and bread. He said he just had that for the weekend and didn't eat it all at once. He said it lasts about 2 and a half days. Howard found that hard to believe But Artie said he just had the sausage and peppers for breakfast this morning.

  Rev. Bob Levy called in and told Howard that he heard that Kidd Chris was molested by a midget. Kidd said it's true and the kid was about 16 when he was about 9. The midget didn't have that many friends so he was the only one who would hang out with him. Chris said that the guy tried to get him to grab his helmet but he didn't want to do that. Howard let Bob go and Chris said that he's a genius when he does live stand-up shows. Howard said that he is a great comedian and went to break. Chris had to get going to his meeting as well so he said goodbye to him as he was going to commercial. After the break Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show at about 10:40am.

• No Special Goodbye For Philly. 10/12/05. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Elvis performance of ''Are You Lonesome Tonight'' where he starts laughing, Prank call using Robin audio clips, ''Scott from the Block'' song parody.

  Howard started off the show singing along with his song ''Great American Nightmare'' from his ''Private Parts'' soundtrack album. He doesn't know the lyrics to his own song because he said that Rob Zombie just gave him a piece of paper and told him to start singing the day they recorded it. He and Rob both sang the song so he talked about that day for a few seconds. He told Fred that he wants new music for his opening song over at the new place. He went on to talk about how Tim Sabean is leaving the Philly market and how he'd love to go do a live show down there because that's their town. He said he'd have a whole retrospective of his career to show the fans down there. He said he was putting this show together in his head and then asked himself when he would actually do that and realized he has no time left to do it. It would take him a month to plan it and he's so busy with the new place that he has no time to do it. He's got so much going on with the new show that he just can't do anything else. He apologized to the Philly market for that.

• Nice Words For Gary. 10/12/05. 6:05am
  Howard said some nice words about Gary who was helping him out a lot yesterday with the stuff he's into these days. He said they make fun of him a lot but Gary is one guy who thinks a lot like him and knows what to do behind the scenes. Gary missed the nice words because he was out listening to a bit that Sal had created that will never make it to the air because it's so over-the-line. Howard said he thinks they have a whole show that they could do with Sal's bits that can never be played on the air. He said he's told Sal not to censor himself but Sal doesn't have any sense of where to stop. Gary said that this bit is so racist that they can't play it on the air. He said it's not that it's not funny, it's just too racist. Sal said he has another bit about Gary that he wanted to play so Howard let him bring that in.

  Sal brought in his latest song parody ''Wake Up Baba Booey'' based on yesterday's incident where Gary over slept and got in about an hour late. Howard said that he was saying something nice about Gary so he got back to that and told Gary that he's got his sensibilities and that's why he was saying the nice things about him earlier. Sal was goofing on him a little bit but then said that Gary really is a good guy because he's the shoulder that anyone can go to cry on. Gary said that Sal has a lot of issues and if his bits don't get played on the air, he'll be crying in the back. He said that Sal will keep track of all of the lines he writes and then give him a percentage of how many actually made it on the air. He literally takes a calculator and keeps track of the percentage. Howard told Sal that he should legally change his last name to Stern. Gary told Sal that he's going over to Howard's apartment tomorrow to rub it in that he hasn't made it over there yet.

• Baseball Talk And Relationship Discussions. 10/12/05. 6:15am
  Howard changed subjects and brought up the Yankees loss from over the weekend and talked about an NY Daily News article where they had a list of reasons that the Yankees suck. He read through that and talked to Artie and Gary about that. That led to Howard talking about how he should play head games with his employees like George Steinbrenner does with his guys. Howard started to mess with Fred a little bit and Fred went off on him a little bit saying that there are already head games being played with them there.

  After that discussion Howard talked about how Jeff Probst is thinking of leaving ''Survivor'' because the constant traveling is taking away time with his girlfriend Julie Berry, who was a former contestant on the show. Howard said that this may be the stupidest show business move ever if Probst actually leaves the show. He said that poon tang can get you in a lot of trouble. Howard also told a story about a friend of his who was telling him how a friend of his was getting married after dating a chick for just 6 months. Howard thinks that you should wait at least 4 years before getting married and if you can make it that long and still want to marry them, then you know you have love. Gary said that Sal was right yesterday when he talked about how women are in that ''bait'' mode at the 6 month mark and you have to get through that before you marry them. If you don't do that, you'll get stuck and your woman will change.

  Howard talked about how taken Gary was with his wife before they got married and how he would talk about how she would let him do just about anything. Now that he's married she gives him a hard time about a lot of stuff. Gary told the guys how she would never say anything about the appearances he used to make but once they got married, things changed and she would ask him if he really wanted that kind of image. Sal's ''bait theory'' is spot on according to Gary and Howard. Gary said that Sal thinks that Beth is still in that mode so Howard said that she should keep it coming if that's what she's doing. Artie said that Dana made him a great meal yesterday so she must be in ''bait mode'' as well. He said that she never even brings up how awful he must look when he takes his shirt off and that may be part of the bait mode as well. The guys talked about the discussion they had yesterday about Artie laying his fat belly on his girlfriend after eating a ton of food.

  Howard said that once you get married, chicks don't get wild in bed like they would when you're just dating. Gary asked Howard about his sex with Beth and how that is these days. Howard said that she looks great naked so she doesn't have to do all that much for him. They've been dating for 5 and a half years now and they're having sex much less than they used to. As he was saying that, Fred played Taps as if their relationship was dying. Howard said they're down to about 3 times a week and they used to do it just about every night. Howard said that he will lift up her nightie sometimes and give her the signal that it's time to go. He's never heard her sigh when he does that though. He said that she will have excuses for him sometimes but she won't sigh like it's a chore for her. He said she used to play with his unit in the past while he was watching TV but that doesn't happen anymore.

  Artie told Howard that he's lucky because he and Beth like to watch the same things. It's a problem when they don't watch the same shows on TV. Gary said that his wife has been watching Oprah lately so that led to the guys talking about what Oprah is up to on her show these days, trying to catch pedophiles and things like that. Gary said that he wanted to watch a movie a few months ago and his wife had no desire to watch it. Then the cast appeared on Oprah and, all of a sudden, she wanted to watch the movie because Oprah suggested it. Howard wrapped up after that and went to commercial break.

• SIRIUS Energy. 10/12/05. 6:50am
  After the break Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he's going to be putting as much energy into the show over at SIRIUS as he used to put into the show. Howard said it's not about energy, it's about being beaten down by the stations over the years. The caller said he would throw his XM radio in the trash if Howard is going to put that energy into his show. Howard said that he's going to have the freedom to do what he wants but he doesn't care if people give up their XM radios or not. He said that people can follow him over there or not. The caller brought up how Artie played a gay guy in the movie ''Boat Trip'' so they spent a short time on that. Artie said he got paid about $20,000 for that one day of work and it was a comedy so it was no big deal that he was playing a gay guy. He said he does have uncles that won't talk to him ever again because of that, but he made some good money.

  Another caller said that there should be no question about Howard's energy for his new job and it's too bad that the other caller had already wasted his money on an XM radio. That led to Howard talking about how XM has hired someone to bash him because he doesn't have any content on his SIRIUS channels yet. He said he's not worried about that because he's not supposed to start over there until January anyway. He also brought up how the guys at Clear Channel are already saying that they need to ''level the playing field'' because SIRIUS is going to have Howard Stern and they won't have that on their own stations. Howard pointed out that Clear Channel fired him, he didn't leave them.

  Howard said he was reading an article about David Lee Roth taking over for him and how there are advertisers who aren't going to be willing to pay the advertising rates that they were paying for Howard's show. The station won't be able to ask as much for ads and they won't be able to get them to advertise during other shows on the station like they've done with his show. He said he'd love to know how much his show has really generated for that company but he may never know because of the way they work things.

  A caller asked Howard what the exact start date for his SIRIUS show is. Howard said it will be January 9, 2006 and they're going to do the roast on that day. Gary told Howard that they're still working on that and Bill Maher has already backed out of doing it. He said he was kind of surprised that Bill won't do the roast. The caller changed subjects in the middle of that and mentioned how Donny Deutsch has been sticking up for Howard lately while Jesse Ventura is bad mouthing him. Howard had an audio clip of that where Jesse says he's not a fan but his freedoms are being taken away. Donny backed Howard up but Jesse was the one who brought up how Howard's freedom has been taken away so Howard said he appreciates him doing that.

• Nuno's Latest SIRIUS Job - Wendy's Room. 10/12/05. 7:00am
  Howard had his farting day program director Nuno on the phone. Nuno said that he doesn't even know what kind of feedback they got that day because there was so much going on that day. Howard told Nuno he did a great job that day and thanked him for working the fart channel that day. Nuno wanted to know if there's a future over there. Howard told him that maybe he should stick with the construction work instead. Robin told Howard that he has ruined Nuno by making him a PD for a day. Howard said that farting thing was just one day though so the job is over. He said that Sal the Stockbroker does have a new idea for those channels that are dead air right now. Sal wants to put Wendy the Retard in that studio for 24 hours and just let her say whatever she wants to do. They could give her a drum set and let her just do whatever she wants. They could give her a phone so she can call out to people. Nuno thought that was a great idea and he's worked with autistic kids before so he could work with Wendy. Howard wondered if she would be good on her own. She does leave voice mail though and that's pretty funny stuff. Howard is now thinking about putting a microphone in her bedroom and just listen in to what she's doing.

  Howard and the guys thought about what to do with Wendy and how they should go about doing it. Howard thinks they should leave her in the room all alone to figure things out but that might not work. Nuno said he'd even be willing to change her and clean her up if she soiled herself in the studio. Howard told Nuno to hang in there and they'd let him know what's going on. He said he might be able to get her up to the studio by next Thursday. Ralph called in and told Howard he thought it was a great idea and he'd love to hear Wendy doing whatever she does during the day. The guys were coming up with ideas for what to put in the studio for her. Howard also replayed the voice mail Wendy left for them the other day when she was drunk. She was doing a Bill Cosby impression and cracking herself up as she was leaving the message. Ralph said it would be great if Artie could stop by and get drunk with her but Howard said they're not allowed on the air over there yet. Ralph said he would stop by and get drunk with her instead.

  A few phone callers thought the Wendy idea was pretty good and it could work. One guy suggested having Cousin Brucie stop by and let Wendy interview him. Howard said that might be funny and they could have an announcer talking about what Wendy is up to. Howard said that his mind was made up and he has to make this happen now. He played another voice mail from Wendy where she talks about how she has to wear glasses and she's worried that people are going to make fun of her about that. Ralph was still on the phone laughing in the background as he heard Wendy complaining about her glasses. Howard had some fun making up some stuff that Wendy could be doing in the studio while she's staying in there. Ralph told him that they should set it up so that she doesn't leave the studio at all and has to go to the bathroom in there as well as everything else. Howard said it should be like the farting day where you hear a little farting, then hear nothing for a little while.

  Ralph mentioned the David Lee Roth thing and how he loves that guy but there's no way he's going to be able to take more than 10 minutes of him on the air. Howard said that he should give Roth a chance, he'll be fine. Howard also said that the only reason Roth is in the news is because he's replacing him. He's done radio shifts in the past and no one cared. Now he's replacing him and it's big news. He was also saying that the only person who isn't admitting that Roth is replacing him is Joel Hollander. Howard said none of it matters because he's going to a place where he can do whatever he wants to do.

  Howard took another call from a guy who told Howard how brilliant this new Wendy idea was. Howard said that he has to think over a lot of the stuff he wants to do with her though. Ralph thinks that there are going to be a lot of dark moments in that 24 hours. Howard had to take another break after that but he played the Jim Florentine (as Special Ed) prank call to Wendy the Retard where he asked her to rub herself, smell it and rub it all over her face. Wendy was sick that day and was making puking sounds after she did that. They went to commercial after that bit.

• Shuli's Tommy Lasorda Interview. 10/12/05. 7:35am
  After the break Howard said that Shuli has an internet radio show and did an interview with Tommy Lasorda who went off on Howard when Shuli mentioned his name. Tommy said he doesn't like Howard's show and called the show a ''nasty and dirty'' show. Lasorda was upset with the guy who interviewed him years ago, Stuttering John. Howard played one of those interviews that John did with him many years ago. In the interview John asked Lasorda about Slim Fast since he was promoting the product at the time. Lasorda was more than willing to talk about that but when John asked him ''How much you wanna bet that Pete Rose is betting again?'' Lasorda stopped the interview. Robin said if Tommy did the Tonight Show, he'd go right over to John and shake his hand, not even realizing that it was John who did the interview.

• Wendy The Retard Calls In. 10/12/05. 7:40am
  A caller asked Howard to please do that Wendy the Retard thing. Howard said he'll probably do it since those channels are sitting silent anyway. He had Wendy on the phone a minute later and she was off getting a drink so Howard said they need to get a refrigerator in the room for her. Howard then told Wendy about their idea for her to spend a day in the studio. Wendy didn't seem to know what was going on so she just kept saying ''okay'' over and over as Howard described what he wanted her to do. He asked her a bunch of questions about getting naked in the studio and she would say ''yes'' to everything. Wendy said that she would be willing to do the radio show thing for 24 hours and she'd make calls, eat her own foot, make calls to order food, doing her Bill Cosby impression and more. Wendy said that she does all kinds of impressions and does them after watching movies. Artie asked her if she'd make out with a squirrel. She was saying yes to anything so that was nothing. Howard asked her to sit on a gerbil and she said she has one right now that she could use. She also has 4 kittens and will be getting a rabbit soon. Howard even asked her to cut off her fingers and Wendy agreed to do that.

  Mariann from Brooklyn quickly called in and told Howard how great things look up at the SIRIUS studios but her screaming was too much for him to take so he hung up on her. He let Wendy go a short time after that as well. He took another call from a guy who said that he loved the Best of Stern from Monday because they blasted Gary with his apology tape. Gary said that was the last time anyone will ever hear that tape on terrestrial radio. Howard said that Doug Goodstein said that they're going to put that on their In Demand channel when that starts next month.

  Shuli called in and told Howard more about his interview with Tommy Lasorda so Howard was going to replay that and some old clips of Lasorda going nuts during a press conference where he called some reporters some names while cursing up a storm. Howard said he likes how Tommy is upset about his show being dirty but meanwhile he's yelling curse words at reporters in a press conference. Howard played another Stuttering John interview where he interviewed Tommy Lasorda and asked him about Marge Schott and pissed him off when he referred to the Canadians as ''stupid Canadians.'' Howard went right to break after that.

• Reduce The Smell Of Your Movements? 10/12/05. 8:05am
  Howard came back from break starving, waiting for his lunch to arrive. He said he's going to go to break as soon as the food gets there. He moved on to talk to this guy Steve Shuster he had on the line. Steve created this product called Whiff which is supposed to take away the stink from your doody. Robin pointed out that his product is an unnatural way to take away the stink instead of having people get to that point by eating the right foods. Steve said that it also changes people's metabolism. Howard said that he wants to have Scott DePace take the stuff because his doody really stinks. Once they get over to the new place, they may slip some of this stuff into his coffee.

  Howard wondered what Steve does for a living and who he is to have created something like this. Steve said that he's an electrical engineer by trade but he did a lot of traveling and smelled a lot of airport bathrooms and figures that it doesn't have to be that way. Steve said that there are a lot of people out there who don't like to go to the bathroom at friend's houses because of the smell and will hold it in for days sometimes. He went on to describe the product for about 2 seconds before Howard cut him off and asked him how he found out how to come up with this stuff. Steve said he did a lot of research to figure out what was needed to reduce the smell. Howard wondered how much of this stuff Steve has sold so far. He said he just started it and has only sold 25 units so far. Howard said he predicts a day when he can sell about 100 units. Artie wondered if Dave Matthews took it, if his music would stop stinking. Steve just laughed.

  Howard figured they were done with the interview so he gave Steve a plug for his web site TakeAWhiff.com. He also asked him what kind of testing he's done with the product. Steve said that everything in the product has been used in the food industry or has been used in other products for many years. They haven't really done any official testing to find out how it might affect someone though. Steve said that the one side effect you may see is a green colored poo. Howard said he doesn't know about this and continued to laugh as he was talking to the guy about it. Steve said he's only invested a couple thousand dollars into the whole thing so it's not like he's blowing a lot of money on it. Howard told him that he's working on a product that makes his urine taste like Vodka. He wrapped up and gave Steve another plug for his product and then went to break.

• Clif Pallete Performing Bon Jovi Songs. 10/12/05. 8:30am
  After the break Howard played an audio clip of Clif Pallete singing Bon Jovi's ''You Give Love a Bad Name.'' He said that he gets pissed when he hears Clif because his mother could have had his cleft palette fixed when he was a kid but she didn't bother. He played another clip of Clif singing ''Wanted, Dead or Alive'' and said that you'd think that the guy would be into harder rock than Bon Jovi. Artie said that Clif shows up to his shows and hangs out sometimes. He's nice and mellow though so he's not a pain in the ass. Howard played a few more of Clif's songs including one from Ozzy and another Bon Jovi song.

  Howard took a call from Irish John who suggested that they take the Wack Pack out on tour and let them perform their songs. While he was on the phone Artie thanked him for the great birthday gift he got him. John got him a Thurman Munson rookie baseball card which is worth a lot of money according to Artie. John said that Artie and Bob Levy do a lot for them so that was his way of thanking him. Artie really appreciated it. Howard let John go and played the Wack Pack song they created called ''We Are The Wack Pack.'' Howard sang along with people like Nicole Bass, Elephant Boy, Beetlejuice, High Pitch Eric and others.

• Howard's Heineken Taping. 10/12/05. 8:40am
  Howard mentioned that his hair stylist Toni Coburn came in and did his hair for the first time since the E! show was canceled. He said he's doing a video thing for a Heineken managers meeting and he made the mistake of agreeing to do it. He said he's doing it because they've been so good to him over the years. He said he's been complaining about how he's not being treated that well there at the station but he really is. That led to him talking to Tom about how leaving this station is a big deal to him and it must be upsetting Tom as well. Tom didn't get into that but he told Howard that this tape he's making should be thought of as a professional courtesy, not a favor. Howard read the script he had for this tape he's making and it didn't make much sense because he had no idea who he was talking to in the tape. Tom told him he could just read the script or make up whatever he wants. Howard asked if he should be giving someone a rimmer or something instead.

  The guys in the studio were all thinking about taking a line from the script and reading it instead of having Howard do the whole thing. Tom told the guys that he took some Dramamine last night to try and get some sleep and he's even worse today than he was yesterday. Gary told Tom that a friend of his told him to have Tom check into MS or Lupas as the problem. Howard and the guys thought that was kind of brutal to say to him. He apparently just has an inner ear infection. They also goofed on Gary about bringing something like that up. Tom said that he got a call from a dentist who suggested that he might have some other disease but he's checked into that already. Howard replayed the prank call Sal and Richard made to the hospital that Tom was in last week after his ''spell'' at the golf course. Howard told Tom he'd take care of that whole Heineken thing for him and let him leave.

• Various Audio Clips. 10/12/05. 8:50am
  Gary asked Howard if he wanted to do some packing today. Howard played a John the Stutterer clip where he announces that they have 42 days left on terrestrial radio. Gary said that Tom has asked that they change the announcements because they say that it's 42 days until the end of terrestrial radio. Howard said that it is the end of terrestrial radio so he's not changing it.

  Howard played an audio clip of something that he wanted people to guess at but decided not to play the rest of the game until they move to the new place. It was apparently Richard just rubbing his feet together but it sounded like something else. He had some audio clips to go through so he did that instead of packing. He played one clip of Danny Bonaduce threatening a producer on ''Breaking Bonaduce.'' There was another clip of Danny threatening their therapist after his wife refused to say that she loves him.

  Howard brought up Yoko Ono who has gone and opened her mouth again. She was bad mouthing Paul McCartney in a round about way when she commented on why no one covers his songs. He also brought up this guy Greg Henson who was fired from their Detroit affiliate station after he targeted another DJ by the name of Tic Tac. Howard would like to talk to that guy about what went on with that whole thing.

  Howard read some e-mail that he's gotten lately. Someone wrote in about Artie's feasting stories and how funny they are. Another person wrote in about the Pat Robertson conversation they had on the air recently and how right they are about the guy. There were more e-mails for Artie about the Yankees sucking. Ralph got some negative feedback since he's been on the show a little too much lately.

  Howard played some tape from The View where Elisabeth Hasslebak came up with an idea about how to stop kids from drinking by letting high school kids drink in ''drinking pods'' to show them how they're affected by alcohol. Howard called her a 'tard and goofed on her about her moronic idea.

  Howard had Gary find an email that he asked to read on the air yesterday. Gary said he accidentally put it in the wrong pile so he had forgotten about it. He got the mail and said that Beth had been talking about raising money to save the animals being rescued from New Orleans and some 8th graders had raised two thousand dollars. He quickly went over that and then moved on to Jason's MySpace account.

• More MySpace Accounts And Top 5 Songs. 10/12/05. 9:00am
  The guys on the show have all been creating accounts on MySpace.com and posting all kinds of lame stuff. JD was getting goofed on about it yesterday and today Jason was getting it. Howard went through some of the stuff he had written on there and goofed on him about it. Howard wondered why he would fill out this form and not even care about it. Jason said he was invited to sign up by his brother so that's what he did. He really doesn't care that much about it but Howard didn't understand why he'd have it up there if he didn't care. Jason said he just filled out a quick form and that's where all of the information came from. He claims he doesn't spend a lot of time on there but Howard thought it was too much.

  Gary read an note they got from a guy who wants to be Howard's security guy. It's someone they know from the show. No one knew who it was so Gary told them it was Siobhan the Transsexual. Fred goofed on Siobhan by doing an impression of him/her where the voice would go from high to Herman Munster low in the middle of a sentence. Artie said that he'd run away from Siobhan if she threw another pad at him like she did the last time she was on the show.

  Howard said he had to take another break but he quickly went through the top 5 songs which included bands like The Black Eyed Peas, Bow Wow, Nickleback, Mariah Carey and Kanye West. The guys were talking about how much Mariah's songs sound like everything else out there. They were also talking about Beyonce and Will came in to say that they saw her out on the street the other day and her ass looked like a ''bag of wet kittens.'' Sal also came in and asked why he can't have his bit played on the air where he does racist stuff when Kanye West can use the N-word in a song. Howard said that Sal just doesn't know where the line is. He ended up playing the bit that he was talking about where he and Richard do a ''Black people Haunted House'' and Sal does his black impression which Howard said was kind of lame. Howard said he also heard that Sal uses the N-word in his stand-up act. Sal didn't make a big deal out of it and said that he'll just use it when he's talking to a black guy in the audience. Howard went to break a short time later.

• And Finally... 10/12/05. 9:35am
  After the break Howard played an unedited version of Kanye West's ''Gold Digger'' song that he had been playing earlier. They had the radio edit version of the song earlier where they cut out the N-word. Howard played about 5 seconds of the song and then had Robin start her news.

  King of All Blacks called in during the news and asked Howard a question about Jewish women who shave off their hair and put on wigs. Howard told King that those are a different type of Jew that he doesn't know much about. King also mentioned, at least twice, that he was going to be picking up his new Walkman (SIRIUS) today. Howard ended up hanging up on him after just a short time. Robin was done with her news around 10:20 so Howard ended the show around that time.

• The Best Of Stern. 10/13/05. 6:00am
  Looks like the guys are off for another Jewish Holiday, Yom Kippur, so we were stuck with some reruns this morning. Here's what we heard on The Best of Stern:
  • ''Booey Maguire'' song parody.
  • Mr. Rogers ''Things we can do with our hands'' bit.
  • Just How Pussy-Whipped Is Gary? An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 4/18/03. 8:30am
      Stuttering John heard that Gary's wife and kids came to the station the other day with some friends. Howard said Mary and a friend were in the green room talking and Gary was chasing his kids around the studio. Gary said that wasn't true. He said that they came up and he showed everyone around. His son Lucas likes drums and he played with them back in one of the studios. Gary said he picked his son up when he was done playing and that was it. Gary said there was no partying going on between his wife and her friend. Gary said he is a little paranoid about his kids breaking stuff at work but he wasn't chasing them around like John heard he was. Howard said the worst thing they ever came up with was Bring your Kid to Work Day. He hates when people bring their kids in like that.

      Gary said that there must be a gene in all women that makes them find something negative in everything guys do. Gary said that he was getting picked up by a car service the other day and though it would be great to be picked up in a limo. His wife told him to make sure the guy didn't honk the horn when he showed up. Gary said it really bummed him out. Howard went on to complain about women not working and complaining about their husband's work related stuff. Robin mentioned this story about writer Michael Crichton who got divorced and had to give up half of his $65 million earnings from the Jurassic Park stuff. She said the woman didn't even like the stuff her husband worked on but she was willing to take half the money from that.

      Gary told the guys that his wife will kick him out of bed an hour early when his alarm goes off. Gary said he knows he's whipped. Tom Chiusano came in a minute later and said that his wife actually thanked him for everything he's provided her with. Howard and the guys ended up applauding her for that and Howard said that was an amazing story. Stuttering John had a similar story about his wife. He said he got a card from her thanking him for everything he's done for his family. Gary said he's heard that John becomes king of the house when he gets home on Friday night. He doesn't have the problems that Gary does.

      Robin read some stuff from the story about Michael Crichton's wife and how she hated being around him when he was writing his books. Howard wondered why she took his money if she hated him so much when he was WORKING for that money. Howard couldn't stand to hear the story and started banging his head with the microphone. He said he was going to pile drive it into his head.

      John and the guys talked about how nice Gary's house is but Howard said he doesn't want to see it because when he loses it in the divorce, he's going to hate to see Gary living in a trailer. Stuttering John said his wife is so great that she's packing his bags for Las Vegas and he didn't even have to ask her to do it. Artie said he only brings a toothbrush with him. He hardly packs a thing. Howard said he's a real degenerate. He had to take another break after that.

  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus Calls In. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/6/03. 8:20am
      Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus called in to promote her TV show ''Watching Ellie'' which airs on NBC. Howard said he hasn't seen her since she auditioned for his movie ''Private Parts.'' Howard said they did a screen test together but she wasn't the right person for the part. Gary was still in so he asked Julia why she works. He thought her family was rich and didn't need money. Gary thought her family had something to do with the Dreyfus fund. She said she wishes that's true but it's not. Gary said they found that from their research department. Julia said that the research department is wrong. Howard also said they had research that said Jerry Seinfeld turned down an offer to do her TV show. She said that wasn't true either. Howard asked Julia what she was wearing and talked to her about her kids. She said that she was wearing her pajamas and it was only 5:20 in the morning out there. Howard asked her if she'd ever leave her husband for someone like him. She said that won't be happening. Howard also talked about the scene in his movie where he improvised and copped a feel of Mary McCormack's breast in one scene. He said he'd have done the same thing to Julia if she got the part.

      Howard said he read that she made about $13.2 million during the 1997-98 season of Seinfeld. She said it wasn't quite that much though. She also talked about how they don't get great money from the show now that it's in syndication. She said they got a standard deal with that. Howard asked her if she's bitter about that and she just said ''next question'' and moved on. Howard asked her if she's seen Jerry's kid yet. She said she saw Jerry's first child but hasn't seen the second one. She said they're still all friends and she lives near Larry David. She's actually done his show.

      Howard talked to Julia about her kids and he talked about his own kids. Julia asked if he lets his kids use Instant Messaging on the computer. Howard said of course he does. He lets the 10 year old do it but he prefers to have her stick to private chat rooms with her friends. Howard seems to think his 10 year old is smart enough to avoid getting into trouble on the web.

      Julia pointed out the fact that there's a jewelry store with the name H. Stern. Howard said he knew about it and owns the web site name HStern.com and they wanted to get it from him but he didn't give it up. Howard asked Julia if she owns her own domain name. She said she doesn't own it and doesn't know how that works. Howard said he had to meet with the guy who owned HowardStern.com and it turned out he was a nice guy and gave him the name without a problem.

      Howard asked Julia about this show of hers and how they've made changes to it since last season. The show has lost some of the odd stuff they had going on and it starts airing tonight at 9:30 on NBC. They talked about the ''Seinfeld Curse'' and how none of the shows that the old cast have done have gone on to survive very long. Howard said he's pulling for Julia because she's been nice to him. He asked Julia if she ever watched his movie and she said she never did. She told Howard she didn't want to watch it and wonder if she should have done it or not done it. Howard told her it would have been the highlight of her career. Robin said it made Mary McCormack's career.

      Gary brought up the fact that Julia was on Saturday Night Live during the Eddie Murphy years. Howard wondered if she keeps in touch with Eddie. She said she hasn't spoken to him since then. The guys talked about how stuck up Eddie is so it's not surprising that he doesn't keep in touch with her.

      Gary had some more facts about Julia's family and how they do own a big company worth billions of dollars. Julia said that she doesn't live off of that money though. She said her father never just hands her a million bucks once in a while like Howard figured. She said she doesn't even have a trust fund.

      Howard also read that Julia owns a house that's solar powered and drives an electric car. Howard and the guys found that to be pretty funny. Howard goofed on her about the solar power thing for a short time and said that he has a hot-air balloon outside to take him home. He also joked that he washes in his own urine. Since Julia is into the electric car thing, the guys figured she must hang out with Ed Begley Jr. She said she's met him but doesn't hang out with him.

      Howard asked Julia what her sex life is like with Brad Hall now that they've been married for 16 years. She joked around with him about her sex life but didn't want to talk about stuff like that on national radio. Howard asked her if she screws camera men like Julia Roberts does. She didn't know that was the case with Julia and the guy she married not that long ago. Julia asked Howard how often he has sex. Gary told her he's the wrong one to ask. Howard said he and Beth had sex 1 to 2 times a day the whole time they were in Las Vegas. Howard said they didn't miss a day. Gary also pointed out that Howard and Beth were playing a game of ''Dirty Little Whore'' while they were out there. Howard said he was calling Beth his ''dirty little whore'' for a night.

      Howard figures Julia is like a hippie with the solar power and stuff so he asked her if she uses hemp tampons and stuff like that. She went along with the joke and said she uses those and hemp toilet paper as well.

      Howard gave Julia a plug for her show and asked her what tonight's episode was about. She talked about that and Howard told her the next time she's in town he wants to go to dinner with her. Howard said he didn't think he liked Julia but after he wrapped up the call, he decided he does like her. Howard wondered how much sex she really is having after 16 years of marriage. He said he should have gotten Brad on the phone to do some marriage counseling.

  • Rev. Bob Levy's Staff Revelation (Artie pig story). An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 06/15/04. 9:45am
      Howard took a call after the break from a woman who was asking Howard if he was going to buy a radio station or something. She sounded kind of wacky so Howard had to bail out on the call.

      Rev. Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) is trying out for Stuttering John's job all week and today he had a staff revelation for them. While he was waiting for Bob to come in he talked to a woman who called in to talk about how people are harassing Jon Bon Jovi because he had a fund raising party for John Kerry. Howard talked to the woman for a short time because she wondered why John Kerry doesn't come on his show because he's a big supporter of his. Howard ended up getting really annoyed by the woman on the line so he had to hang up on her as well.

      Howard got to Bob Levy after that. He noticed that Bob was coloring his hair. He said that he might want to go to a professional if he's going to color it. Howard had Bob tell his celebrity revelation. Bob told him about doing a show with Artie out in Chicago and he ended up getting really drunk and when he passed out on a bed at a hotel room, he crapped himself. Gary came in and said that there was a lot more to the story. Gary said that he heard that Artie was in a pig costume back when he was working on Mad TV. He was all depressed because of the whole thing. He had to go through 3 hours of makeup to be dressed up as a pig for this ''Babe Watch'' skit they were doing. Artie said he had to go eat breakfast as the pig. Artie called his coke dealer and had him come out to meet him. He was still dressed in the pig costume. They met at a parking lot while the show was getting ready to shoot the skit. He got to the restaurant and waited for his dealer to show up.

      Artie said that he didn't have any cash on him so he had to put it on his ''account.'' He bought an 8 ball of coke and took a straw from the back seat of his car. He tried to do the coke but couldn't get it through his pig snout. He had to dig a hole through this prosthetic he was wearing. He got a line through and sat there for a short time. He went into the restaurant and had a glass of water and a coffee. He went back out to his car and did some more coke and headed back to the set of the TV show. He got stuck in traffic so he did another hit of coke... while he's still got the pig outfit on. A woman was staring at him from her Lamborghini like she was on an acid trip or something. Artie and Howard started to crack up during that discussion. Artie said he was trying not to spill his coke while he was driving after that.

      Artie eventually got back to the set of the show and heard how he almost got someone fired because he wasn't there. He went back into his trailer and did some more coke. He said he kept seeing himself in a mirror while he was doing it so he just saw himself as a pig. Artie was playing ''Babe'' the pig so he had to listen to the movie on tape to get the impression down. He said he had to walk around doing the impression and it was the most surreal day of his life.

      After the skit they took the makeup off of Artie and everyone at the show hated his guts because of what he had been doing. Artie said he went back to his motel room and fell asleep for an hour or so. He tried to get up after that. He said it was like the scene in ''The Godfather'' where the guy wakes up in bed with the horse head and there's blood all over the place. He said that the doody was all over the place. He thought it was blood at first but it turned out to be doody. He had rolled in it and it was a mess. He said it had never happened to him before and it hasn't happened since.

      Artie realized that everyone on the show hated him and he had to go work with them for another 15 hour day. He couldn't clean up the bed because he was late already. He had to just leave it. He took the bed spread and covered it up. He went to the set and did his thing. He did more coke that day and had to do the scenes with these people who hated him. Artie said that the room was in an assistant Director's name so he almost got them fired and the hotel room was a mess in one of those guy's name. Artie eventually cleaned himself up and started talking to the guys again on the show.

      Captain Janks called in laughing and said that someone crashed out in front of his house and got out of his car laughing because he must have been listening to the story. A bunch of people called in after that and said that the story was really funny. Howard told Levy that it was a great revelation... even though Artie told the story himself. Bob said that when they hang out and Artie gets drunk, he comes up with all kinds of stories like these. Howard had to take a break right after that so they could get to the news.

  • Artie And Howard's Tribute To AC/DC. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/7/03. 6:05am
      (Snipped) Artie asked if he could have a beer during the AC/DC performance. Howard told him that's fine. Howard played some AC/DC to warm everybody up and Artie was singing along to ''Back in Black.'' Howard told him he was actually pretty good singing that song. Artie says they're one of his favorite bands of all time. He sang along to a couple of other songs too. Artie said he wanted to do ''Hell's Bells'' so Howard played that one. He also did ''Highway To Hell'' for them. Robin suggested that The Losers cover one of those songs when they do the Battle of the Bands against wrestler Chris Jericho. Howard was calling him Artie/DC. Howard said they could go on tour as an AC/DC cover band. Artie had the vocals down and that's the hardest part. Howard suggested doing a 10 song set of AC/DC songs when they go out to Las Vegas. Robin thought they were nuts. A listener called in a short time later and said he was trying to find a bridge abutment to drive into since Artie was singing. Howard played a few more songs and let Artie yell out the songs. Artie had Howard laughing pretty hard a couple of times. Howard said he's not sure what he'd do in the band if they do cover the band. Howard said he might be able to play drums. He said they could go to some club out there in Vegas and perform for a few people. Robin said she hopes they actually do it. Howard wanted to rehearse some stuff but they don't have drums set up there. They have bongos so Howard asked for that instead. Artie said he'd like to play ''Dirty Deeds.'' Fred played guitar while Howard pounded on the bongo. Artie forgot the words and just started making noises until he came to the chorus. Howard said they could charge $100 a head at the club. They tried a second song, ''Highway to Hell,'' and Artie remembered the words to that one. Howard was ready to go at that point. Scott the Engineer came in and asked Howard if he was being cut out of The Losers again. Howard told him that he was being cut. He was playing the bongos just fine. Howard said they can call themselves ''Hell's Bells'' instead of The Losers. Howard said they could play ''You Shook Me All Night Long'' as their closing song. Howard and Fred started to play it the song but Artie forgot the first line. They started in the middle of the song instead so Artie could remember the words. Howard decided to stop so they shouldn't give it all away for free on radio. Artie said a cool move would be to schedule a show and then cancel it because of throat problems. Howard said they just need a couple of hours worth of a sound check and they'd be set. Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people goof on Artie. There were some people who thought he was pretty good too. Howard took a break a short time after that.
  • AC/DC Performs Live In The Studio. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/7/03. 8:40am
      Before AC/DC came in Howard said this guy Chris called them recently and said he'd do anything to meet the band. Howard said they wanted him to bring in his mother to get naked but he couldn't get that together. So instead, they had Joey Boots come in with two quarters taped to his balls. Chris had to reach in and pull them out. Chris said that wasn't his thing but he'd do it just to meet the band. Joey came in and said that it was a bit ''swampy'' down there too. He asked Chris to give him a courtesy touch while he was in there. Chris reached in and tried to get the two quarters out pretty quick but it didn't work so he had to go in for a second time. He managed to get both of the quarters and the tape out of there. Howard had the two of them sit in to watch the band after that.

      When the band came in Brian shook Chris' hand after it had been down Joey Boots' pants. AC/DC is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they're re-releasing their music catalog so that's what they were in to promote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them about the Hall of Fame induction. Brian Johnson, Angus Young and Malcolm Young were all there. They said that they're not even sure what they get for being in this Hall of Fame. They said that The Police are also supposed to be inducted at the same time. Howard brought up their music catalog re-release and asked the guys if they knew anything about what's up with that. Brian said he has no idea what the idea is behind that. The albums have been ''re-digitized'' according to Brian. He said he has no idea what that means though. Gary came in an short time later and said that the albums are ''linked'' so when you put them in your computer, you can go to their web site and stuff like that.

      Howard told the guys that they were going to perform and then Artie/DC would play like they did earlier in the show. Brian had written lyrics for ''The Jack.'' That was the first song they performed. When they were done with that song Artie performed ''Dirty Deeds'' along with Howard and Fred. Fred's guitar wasn't on the mic so Howard asked him to get closer to it. He kept telling Fred to get his acoustic guitar but he just kept playing. He eventually got on mic but it was so loud that Howard told him to put it down and get the acoustic again. Fred finally listened to him and did that. They got back to playing the song after that.

      Howard said the guys will be playing at Roseland in New York City on Tuesday night so he can't go see them. Howard wondered why they can't do it on a Friday. He also talked to them about their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a minute. He asked them if there will be another album anytime soon. They said they may do one eventually. Howard started to wrap up the segment but Artie had to sing some more. The guys in AC/DC started to play along with him but Howard asked them to play ''You Shook Me'' to end the segment. They did it but it was a little early to be singing so much. Brian had Artie sing the second verse because he couldn't quite remember it. He joined in and sang along with Artie for a minute. After the song Howard wrapped up the interview. (Snipped)

  • Dame Dat Dune (Name That Tune) With Crackhead Bob. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/24/96.
      After yesterday's Van Halen bit, Howard decided to do a 'Name that tune' type of game with Crackhead Bob. Bob came in this morning and Howard had listeners try to guess what Bob was singing for prizes. The first song was fairly easy to get. It was Brown Sugar by the Rolling Stones. The next few songs weren't so easy to get. I don't think anyone but Bob knew what he was singing. It sounded like a wounded, dying animal screaming at the top of it's lungs. It sure was entertaining though.
  • Florence Laudoyer The Raelian Calls In. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3/6/03. 7:45am
      Howard said that tonight on E! is ''Who Wants to be a Vaginal Millionaire.'' He also said that the 5th grade teacher was scamming them. He said they kind of knew that she was doing that.

      Howard said he had this woman Florence on the phone. She's one of these ''Raelian'' cult people. She was calling in to talk about the anti-war march they're doing in Washington. Howard wanted to know how hot she was. She said she's pretty good looking and told him to go to their web site Rael.org/RaelianWomen to see her. Howard said she actually is pretty hot. He asked her a few questions about her body and then got to her anti war march. She said they're going to be down in Washington DC on Saturday. They're going to be naked when they're down there. She said they'll also be in LA that day on Wilshire Blvd. Howard spoke to her about this march for a couple of minutes but then got back to stuff like whether or no she shaves her bush. She said she is shaved down pretty good. Howard said she has to prepare for this nude march. Robin asked her if her under arms were shaved. She said they are even though she is French. Howard told her he thought it was great that they're getting naked for this thing but her political views are kind of wacky. Howard said these are women who are bored with regular religions and have to be special. Howard asked her how many guys she's banged since becoming a Raelian. Howard thought that part of the cult was to bang the Raelian leader. She said she wasn't going to discuss that with him though. She told Howard he should talk to Rael himself about that. She and Howard ended up talking about aliens. She believes that they have visited us. Howard told her there are no aliens and the only leader she needs is Howard Stern. Howard asked her if she had a reason to be getting naked for this anti war march. She said they do have a statement to make so Howard asked her what that was. She said they want to unite people and bring them together for this cause. Howard wondered what the cause was so she explained to him that they don't want this war to happen. Robin suggested that they all go to Iraq to protest then and see what happens. Howard brought up World War II and how we saved France from the Germans. They argued about that for a short time. Howard then asked her how many people they had lined up to get naked this Saturday. She said she didn't have the numbers yet. Howard asked her when she first started having sex but she didn't want to answer. Howard also asked her how many guys she's banged in her life. She wasn't talking about that either. Howard asked her what she would be wearing to this protest. She said it will be an all white dress. He wondered if she'd be wearing panties under the dress but she wasn't sure about that at this point. He asked her about what kind of shoes she'd wear. Howard said he had to know because he was curious how she'd strip down. He wondered what order she'd be taking off her clothes. Florence said that it will be a ''very religious'' thing where everyone will strip down. This all starts at 11am. She said the stripping down will start at 1pm in front of the Federal Building in Washington DC and Wilshire Blvd in L.A. He tried to get as many details out of her as possible. She told Howard how she'd take off the dress first but she wasn't sure of the order she'd remove the rest of her clothes. She said she'd leave her shoes on while she's naked. He told her to wear something with a heel. Howard also wondered how long they'd be naked. She said it depends on how long this ceremony goes on. Howard wrapped up the call and told his listeners to head out to these protests with pizza and beer because it should be a good show. Florence thought that no one would be down there to just look at her naked. Howard said she's nuts because all of his listeners will be there to see her naked. Howard spoke to her for a couple more minutes and took some phone calls before ending the call. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked her if she likes anal sex. She kind of laughed and didn't give him an answer. A guy called in and said that he dated one of these Raelian women and there were a lot of strippers in the religion. Howard said he wants to send his guys down to get video of this march. He said he wants a close up of her ''beav.'' Howard wrapped it up after asking her if she has sex with guys and girls at the same time. She giggled when he asked her that so he took that as a ''yes.''

      Howard said he'd go to this thing if it was taking place in New York City. He spent a couple of minutes goofing on the religion after the call. He was still checking out her picture and said she really is pretty hot. He said that was killing him that she was so cute. He said the other woman on the page was ugly though. That seems to be what he expects women like that to look like. Howard said he'd go down and watch the girls get naked and yank one out. Artie said a little piece of duct tape would make Florence perfect. She was a little to talkative for Howard and Artie. Howard took a break a short time later.

• Howard's Lack Of Sleep Because Of SIRIUS. 10/14/05. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: Joanie Laurer (Chyna Doll) singing ''Holiday'' live in Howard's Studio, Bijou Theater schedule audio clip, ''SuperTwink'' song parody about JD, Lenny Kravitz performing ''Are You Gonna Go My Way'' live in Howard's studio.

  Howard started off the show saying that he was up since 2 in the morning even after taking Ambien to help him get to sleep. His headphones were squealing as he was describing that and then threatened to quit the job he only has until December. He as in a foul mood because of his lack of sleep. He told Robin about how he was in a meeting with Gary and Tim Sabean yesterday talking about what they want to do over at SIRIUS. Gary said that he's never seen Howard so wound up like he is with this move to the new place. Howard said he has books full of stuff that he wants to do over there and was going through all of that with them. He has another meeting today about something over there. Howard said he has a vision about what he wants to do but he's got 37 guys involved and has to go through a bunch of guys telling each one of them what he wants done so he has to get them all in the same place. He said his therapist has told him that things like this aren't done in one day but Howard believes they can be done. Gary told Howard that Tim Sabean looked like a guy getting shot at when Howard was yelling at him even though it was his first day working on this stuff. Robin said that Tim has no idea what's going to go on with him. Howard thought he was going to quit after all of the stuff he had to go through yesterday.

  Gary said that Tim Sabean was telling Howard that he only needs 6 hours of sleep but even that seems like too much for Howard. A listener called in and asked Howard if he was jumping up and down on a couch like Tom Cruise while he was talking to Tim and Gary yesterday. Howard said he's not a cheerleader like that, he just tells the guys what he wants. Gary said Howard will also tell them that it's very simple stuff and insist that they can make it happen even though it's not all that simple. Gary also said that Howard told them that he knew the perfect person to do certain things and it was him, but he wasn't available.

  Howard said he wanted to take Tim and Gary out to eat yesterday but the place he had in mind was closed for Yom Kippur so they had to go somewhere else. Then he wanted to rush through the meal so they could get back to the meeting about his station. Gary said that Howard is looking at every aspect of the two stations he's going to be running over at SIRIUS and that's why he's going so nuts. He's thinking about everything from content to advertising and he really needs to pass some of that along to other people. Howard said he was even firing off a letter to Bubba the Love Sponge because he had an idea for him to come on the show today to play some of his bits but Bubba went on Raw Dog and did the bit there first. Howard was upset about that and Gary said that Bubba did something over at SIRIUS that actually got him kicked off of one of the channels yesterday. Howard said it's satellite and he couldn't imagine what that was about. Gary said he was talking to one of the female employees about something and they told him to get off the air. Bubba will be on today to talk more about that.

  Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he heard Jackie the Joke Man over there at SIRIUS. Howard heard that as well and said he sent Jackie an e-mail telling him that he heard it and it was really good. Now Jackie wants to have dinner with him since it's been so long since they'd gotten together. Howard said that Jackie told him that everything is going great for him but he thinks that he's just putting a good spin on everything. Jackie was apparently telling a story on the air about the money that he owed to Rodney Dangerfield but Howard thinks that Jackie told the story wrong by saying that he and Rodney were just kidding while on the air when they told it on Howard's show.

  Howard said that he really was all over the place with his meetings yesterday with CDs, books and presentations for Gary and Tim. Gary said Howard has a book filled with ideas that he has so organized that he was able to pull out an idea from November 2004 that he remembered he had when they brought it up. Robin thinks that Howard is throwing stuff out to people too fast and he may be overwhelming people with it. Howard doesn't think that's the case but he's tired of telling people the same things over and over again. He said that he's been talking to Scott Greenstein about getting a camera crew in the studios to tape the stuff they're doing over there and Scott will tell him it's okay but never does anything. He said he doesn't have the time to go back and forth with that kind of stuff so he needs someone to take over and help him out. They want to put Wendy the Retard on one of the channels over there next week but he's not sure if that's going to happen. Tim is working on that according to Gary.

  Howard said they're wondering if they should stick a microphone on Wendy the Retard or have a play-by-play announcer in there with her. Howard thinks that they should just have Wendy mic'd and leave her to do her thing. They have more ideas to put Richard Christy's father in a studio. Howard asked Sal if he would be willing to mic his house so they could hear his wife arguing with him. Sal said that would be the end of his marriage so it would be a bad idea. He told Howard that he would ask her but he's pretty sure she won't let it happen. Howard told Sal to get her on the phone and he'd ask her himself.

  Howard took a call from a guy gave Howard a bunch of ''F Clear Channel, F Lowry Mays, F George W. Bush...'' so Howard told Gary that they should have an announcer saying that on his new channel. He then told Robin that he's thinking about putting his parents in the SIRIUS studio for a day and let them do their thing for 24 hours. Sal came in a minute later and told Howard that he tried to get his wife on the line but she told him she was sleeping and hung up on him. Howard had an idea to put a microphone in one of the rooms out at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch so they can listen in to what goes on out there. He told Gary to call them out there and find out if they're up for that. Artie thinks that it's funny that Bubba was already kicked off a channel over there.

• Quick Crackhead Bob Game. 10/14/05. 6:25am
  A caller told Howard that he can't wait for this move because they've been chopping up his show so much out in L.A. Howard told the guy he doesn't know the half of it. He has stuff he wants to talk about today but realizes that he can't do it on the air there so he's going to hold on to it until they move. That caller asked to play a game to win some money so Gary quickly came in with a Crackhead Bob game where the guy had to guess what he was saying. Howard played the clip where Bob mumbled something that was very hard to understand. Howard, Robin and Artie knew what it was but the caller couldn't get it. It was ''You have nothing to fear but fear itself.'' Howard ended up giving the guy the $500 courtesy of GoldenPalace.net even though he needed some help with the game.

• Howard TV Reviews. 10/14/05. 6:45am
  After the break Howard said he wanted to do some TV show reviews. He said that ''Lost'' has gone from bad to worse this season. He said that it was great last year but this year it's as bad as it was good last year. He said that the guy who plays Sawyer on that show is married to an Asian chick whose name is Yessica. He had some fun goofing on that and then talked about how the guy and his wife bought a house out there but they were robbed at gun point this week. They stole his car and took off after the robbery. Howard said that his real life seems to be way more interesting than the back story they have on the show. Howard said that everyone seems to hate this season of ''Lost.'' Gary came in and said that they are losing some of their audience but it's still doing pretty good. Howard thinks that everyone is waiting for it to get better, that's why. He also brought up the guy who plays Syed on the show is dating Barbara Hershey. He said that her face is so pulled back these days that she doesn't have any expression her face anymore. Robin thinks the guy is good looking but Howard and Gary don't believe he is.

  Richard Christy was in at that point so Howard asked him if he thinks his parents would be up for having a microphone in their house for SIRIUS. Richard seems to think that they'd be up for it. Howard said he'd listen to that and went on to goof on Richard's parents a little bit about the way they speak. Richard told the guys about the fish that his father has been catching and selling to black people out there in Kansas. Howard told Gary to do the Wendy the Retard thing done for this Thursday. Then on Friday, he wants to put a microphone on Sal and his Wife. They have to find out if Sal's wife is up for that. Then he said he wants to put a microphone on Richard's parents the Monday after that. He and Artie were doing their impressions of Richard's father and talking about what they might talk about on the channel. Howard said that they could do the Wendy stuff on Thursday, leave Friday silent and then have Richard's parents on Monday. He played one of the messages that Richard's father left for him about saving a baby chicken that had lost it's mother. Richard told Howard that his mother called him the other day and said she was outside walking with the baby chicks because there were hawks circling around that could swoop down and get them. That's how they spent the day.

  Richard told Howard that the first private parts he ever saw on a woman were Barbara Hershey's so that's why he was in there. That led to Howard talking about the other women back in those days who he used to check out in Playboy and other magazines. He also got back to ''Lost'' and how the personal lives of the cast seem to be more interesting than the lives on the show. He said he was talking about how great ''Smallville'' was last night and how great it was when Clark flew. He said even Beth was into it last night. Howard also said that ''Survivor'' is still good and enjoyed watching that last night. He said that Gary got an email from Jeff Probst saying that there's no way he's going to leave the show like the rumors said he was. Jeff said that his contract is up and CBS hasn't offered him a new deal yet though. Jeff also wrote about how funny Wendy the Retard is when she calls in drunk and does her Bill Cosby impression. Howard played the audio clip of Wendy doing her Cosby impression that she left on their voice mail recently. She was drunk and doing a funny impression that didn't really sound like Bill Cosby. Howard told Gary that they need to give Wendy a bunch of phone numbers so she can call a bunch of people on the air on Thursday.

• A Few Minutes With Clif Palette. 10/14/05. 7:00am
  Howard had the caller on the line who was doing the ''F George Bush'' earlier in the show. He asked to be the official announcer for that but Howard said they have a guy who can do that. Howard had to hang up on him because he kept going with the same stuff over and over again. He moved on to play some of the Clif Palette song parodies where he sings Bon Jovi songs. He also had a voice mail that Clif left for them and it was almost impossible to understand. Richard Christy said he tries to understand what he's saying in the messages but he has to listen a couple of times. He has to call him back after that. Howard could understand just one line out of the whole message. Clif was on the phone so Howard asked him why he bothers leaving messages if no one can understand them. Howard told him that he really gets angry at Clif's mother when he hears him speaking because she could have gotten him an operation that would have fixed his cleft palette. He asked Clif what he would tell a 911 operator if something happened to his mother. Clif tried to give a help message but it was very tough to understand what he was saying. They also had him doing an emergency call to 911 if he was at the World Trade Center when they were attacked. He was unable to say ''World Trade Center'' so he gave up and it came out as the Woodrow Wilson Building instead. Richard asked Clif if he's ever had phone sex so Howard went right into that and tried to create a phone sex conversation with him.

  Howard played some of Clif's Bon Jovi song performances. He said he likes his cover of ''Wanted Dead or Alive'' the best. Clif also covered an Ozzy Osbourne song and a bunch of other Bon Jovi songs. Howard asked him what made him take up singing. Clif said he started doing a Karaoke thing where he actually won $50 for his performance. Richard said this is the kind of performance you wait for when you go to see a Karaoke show. Howard had to let Clif go after that since he had to take another break.

• Howard's Replacements And Other Various Stuff. 10/14/05. 7:30am
  Howard came back from break and got annoyed with a Rage Against the Machine song that Fred was playing. He said he doesn't get the guy yelling over the music like he was in that song. Robin said she got a call from the guys in KoRn recently and they want her to host an album release party since she's such a fan. Fred played some of her karaoke performance of ''Y'all Want a Single'' out in Las Vegas.

  Howard went through some stuff he had laying around. He read one article about coach Jimmy Johnson and then played an audio clip from Bill Maher's HBO show where he goes off on President Bush. Howard thought Bill was funny doing the bit and Robin was thinking the same thing and can't believe he won't do their show anymore. She said that she saw Bill doing a bit where he said you can only kill the number 2 man in Al Quaeda once... and we claim that it's been done more than once.

  Howard said that he's pretty sure that he's not going to be getting a going away party from his company, even after 20 years of service. He said that Tim Sabean told him that he even brought it up to Tom Chiusano and Tom told him that there were politics involved with the whole thing and it won't happen. Howard said it's like there's not going to be any closure with this new job. Howard also brought up how Adam Carolla was on Letterman last night and refused to talk to Dave about taking over for him even after Adam talked about it there. He doesn't understand why Infinity is trying to keep it so quiet and not letting anyone talk about who's replacing him. Howard wanted to play the audio clip of Adam on The Late Show but he wasn't able to find it. Howard played the clip where Adam changed the subject when Dave brought it up. Adam was skirting around the subject and wouldn't say if he'll be taking over for Stern or not. Gary thinks that they don't want Howard goofing on it before he leaves and that's why they're keeping these guys quiet.

• FCC Stories And Howard Stern In The News. 10/14/05. 7:40am
  Gary told Howard that things have gotten so crazy with the FCC lately that they bleeped Adam saying ''my agent told me to go F-myself'' even though he didn't say the F-word, he actually just said ''F.'' Howard went on to read an article about how Infinity Broadcasting is going to be in trouble if they don't tell advertisers who they're going to use as a replacement for Howard Stern. Gary thinks they must have a big roll out plan of some sort and that's why they're keeping quiet right now. Howard read that there are other guys up for the job like Colin Quinn and Penn Jillette. David Lee Roth is the big rumor for the New York market. The article also talks about how Howard said he may never know how much money his company made off of him.

  Howard said that the former Chairman of the FCC is still out there talking about him because no one cares about what he has to say if he's not talking about him. He played an audio clip of Powell talking about him on the CNBC show and wondered if Powell is married with kids because he sounds kind of effeminate when he speaks. Howard said that Powell doesn't even understand the law that he's talking about in the interview. He said that the law says that the radio stations should be allowed to fight the fines in court but the FCC stonewalled the radio stations and blackmailed them into paying the fines without going to court. Howard seems to think that he could have made a fool out of the FCC if they had been allowed to bring the case to court. He said he doesn't want Powell talking about him anymore, it pisses him off.

  Howard played another clip from a news report where they did a round table discussion about Howard and got all of their facts wrong. The reporter said that David Lee Roth has been ''burning up the airwaves in Boston lately...'' but Howard and Gary pointed out that Roth did one week on the air up there way back in March. That was it. They spoke to a couple of reporters from Billboard Radio Monitor and Media Week. The Media Week reporter said ''Howard who?'' when she was asked about him and said that he's going to move to satellite and lose half of his audience. Howard said that if he brings half of his audience along with him, he's already won. The guy from Billboard Radio Monitor wasn't as negative as the other reporter was. She doesn't seem to think that Howard was so big that he can't be replaced. The Media Week reporter made it sound like these guys were going to have to do all of their work without help from a producer or writers but that's not the case. They'll have all of that help. Gary was telling Howard that his plans for his two satellite channels are great and he can't wait to see what it's like in a year.

  Howard brought up a story about a priest who allegedly raped a woman back in the 70's. He said that the churches have to wake up and do something about this stuff. The guys have urges that they can't control. The woman who was raped went mute after it happened. Howard read the article about that story that says she's trying to get $27 million from the guy. The Priest is 71 now and is running a church in Venezuela. Artie was talking about how the churches seem to have overlooked thousands of rapes and don't bother doing anything about them.

  Howard read another article about a woman who tried to steal an unborn baby by slicing through her previous C-section scar. Luckily a 17 year old kid rode up on an ATV and found her cutting the woman open in the woods. after reading that story Howard had to take another break.

• Preparing For Billy Gibbons Appearance. 10/14/05. 8:20am
  Howard was playing some new porn clips as he came out of break. Artie said that if that's sex, then he's never had sex. Howard mentioned that Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top is supposed to be coming in and will perform a couple of acoustic songs for them. Howard said he was always a big ZZ Top fan and he's looking forward to Billy coming in. Howard told Gary to have him perform ''La Grange'' and went through some of their other songs to figure out which ones he wants him to perform. There were a lot of his that they could have him perform. Howard picked out about 5 songs that Gary would relay to Billy so he could pick which ones he would perform.

  Howard took a call from a woman in Columbus, Ohio who said she really misses them out there. Howard told her that they may be doing the Wendy the Retard thing on Thursday and they may be putting on some other stuff before they make the official move in January. The woman asked to be put on hold so she could continue to listen to the show today. Howard let her go and took another call from a guy who asked if Infinity will continue to play Best of Stern when he leaves. Howard said that they have no legal right to play those tapes so that won't happen. The caller also asked Artie about a scene in Dirty Work where Norm (MacDonald's) lips don't sync up and wondered what he said. Artie described what Norm actually said and why they changed it but the delay was hit on Artie's description of it.

• Artie's Birthday Dinner. 10/14/05. 8:30am
  Howard said he took Artie out to dinner for his birthday and he had a couple of giant sized Jack and waters during the meal but that was it. Artie said he was eating a lot too. Robin was there and said that she liked the way Artie ordered more bread during the meal. Artie said he had actually starved himself that day so he'd be hungry for dinner and had a headache by the time he got there. They also talked about the owner of the restaurant and how no one understood a word he was saying. Robin thought that Howard did but Howard said he was just playing along as if he did understand him. Artie told Howard he had a great time at dinner and thanked him for that.

• Bubba The Love Sponge Visits. 10/14/05. 8:35am
  Bubba the Love Sponge came in to talk about some of his bits and why he was kicked off a SIRIUS channel yesterday. Howard spent a few minutes talking about this bird flu that's going around. Howard said he hasn't even been thinking about it because he's been so busy with his SIRIUS channels. Howard told Bubba he likes this bit that they do about their balls and how big they are but Bubba and his Producer Brent told Howard that they got fined for that bit. That led to the guys talking about how Bubba was kicked off of a SIRIUS channel yesterday. Bubba said he brought in an intern over there who wanted to get this guy who works there. Bubba was getting so into it that he had grabbed the girl, with her permission, to show her what rough sex might be like. Then Bubba said there was a discussion about something else and Brent didn't want him to talk about it. Bubba said he was showing the intern something about using 2 fingers and that's when the Program Director at Raw Dog had him ''hotlined'' studio. Bubba said he was kicked off of there and then he got an e-mail from Howard telling him to calm down with that stuff. Howard said he also told Bubba he didn't like him going on and playing his bits like he was going to do today. Bubba said that it was Tim (Sabean)who told him to go on over there. Howard found that hard to believe but Bubba said that's what happened.

  Tom Chiusano came in and gave Bubba one word, ''Intern,'' to explain to him why SIRIUS had a problem with what he was doing. Everything might go over there, except when you bring an intern into the mix. Bubba said that suits are going to ruin satellite radio business just like they've ruined terrestrial radio. Tom told Bubba he should be so lucky to work for him. Bubba went off on him saying that he has worked for better. Gary said that Bubba brought in another woman after they got rid of the intern over there. Bubba said it's this really hot chick who works there at SIRIUS. She sits right in the front desk when you walk in over there. Ronnie told Howard that she's really into Howard and can't wait for the show to be over there. Bubba told the guys that he's been asked if he's been fired now but he wasn't even sure. He said that if Howard had canceled the appearance today, he'd be on a skyscraper somewhere ready to jump.

  Robin found out that Bubba has a son and he had to go through a custody battle over him. Bubba said that it was tough getting custody doing what he does for a living. He said he is a good father though and he ended up coming out on top. It cost him about $400,000 to do that though. Artie said that he'd rather have custody of the four hundred grand than the kid. Bubba said that his son was listening this morning so that was kind of brutal. Artie said he was just kidding about that.

  Howard had some of Bubba's bits to play. In one bit Bubba took a call from a guy who told a story about Warren Sapp. He told Bubba that he took a dump in Warren's attic because he was being such a dick to him. Bubba thinks that he cost Warren Sapp millions of dollars because he spoke to some of the women he allegedly slept with and that helped his wife in the divorce. There was another bit where Bubba spoke to a Muslim guy and went off on him for a few minutes. Howard thought the bit was really funny but had to cut it down to make it a little shorter. Howard thought they should have played the whole thing after playing the cut down version. Howard asked Bubba about this guy Ned they had on his show. Bubba said he's not sure Ned will be coming along with them to SIRIUS though. Howard played one of their bits where they prank called a Muslim guy and played some song parodies that they had created. Howard played a couple of quick clips and found out that Bubba owns most of his tapes so he'll be able to replay the stuff, uncensored, when he moves to SIRIUS. Bubba said he made a great deal when he was at Clear Channel and he owns all of those old tapes.

  Howard said that Bubba is one of those guys who sells t-shirts and all kinds of other stuff on his web site BubbaTheLoveSponge.com. He said that they might want to calm down with that stuff but they think that rednecks love the t-shirts. Howard also talked about a logo that Bubba's people came up with that was really bad. It had Howard and Bubba in the logo and Howard think that the guy made him look like Bubba with black hair. The delay was hit during that discussion but it wasn't clear why. Howard told Bubba that they have to save their load until they make the move over there in January. Bubba is looking forward to getting on over there because they have a lot of great stuff planned. He's also looking forward to Richard Christy's parents going on Howard's channel soon.

  Bubba told Howard about some things that go on down in Tampa where he used to work. He told Howard about a strip club down in Sarasota, Florida called Cheetah where the girls can give you full friction. He said that the Dollhouse is great as well but they have to wear pasties. He said that the Cheetah club has full friction, full nude and full liquor so it's different than most clubs. Howard said that you have to be really careful in New York and the girls will only sometimes ''accidentally'' brush their knee against you.

  A Bubba fan called in and asked what the chances are of Ned coming up there to do the show. He thought the guy was great. Howard thinks that they'll work it out. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and welcomed Bubba to the Howard Stern Family. Bubba said that he still hasn't been formally introduced to Fred yet. Howard said that even he hasn't done that himself, no one has. Bubba is a fan of Fred's because he's so good at Win Fred's Money. They wanted to do a quick contest between Brent and Fred but even Brent said that he'd lose to Fred. Howard had Gary get him some questions to ask. They sent Fred out of the studio so they could play the game fairly. Howard swore he would do it fairly. Here are the questions Howard asked:

  • What country is officially known as The Hellenic Republic? - Greece
  • Cordelia, Gonareal and Regan are daughters of what Shakespearean title character? - King Lear
  • According to the bible, what did God tell moses to remove when he spoke at the burning bush? - Shoes
  • When measuring heat quantity, what do the initials BTU stand for? - British Thermal Unit
  • If you have Triscadecaphobia, what do you suffer from? - Fear of he number 13
  • In what battle did General Custer have his last big stand? - Little Big Horn
  • What junk bond king received a 10 year jail sentence in 1990? - Michael Milken
  Brent got just one correct. Fred came in and answered every single one correctly. Howard went off on his staff for screwing up some of the questions and writing ''General Custard'' and making some spelling mistakes. Howard moved on after that and Bubba brought up the police beating that went on down in New Orleans recently and said that he usually supports the cops but they were out of line when they beat up the 65 year old former teacher down there. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and was ready to go to break but he took a call from Ralph. Ralph said that the BTU question was a repeat. Ralph also wanted to go off on Bubba about some other stuff but Howard told him to call Bubba on his own show and talk to him about it there instead. They went to break right after that.

• The Gossip Game With Mike Walker. 10/14/05. 9:35am
  Howard came back from break and said that he had a lot of stuff he didn't get to today but he still had Mike Walker's Gossip Game to get to. He had Mike on the line and talked about how Mike is upset with him. Mike was contacted by the people at SIRIUS and he was upset that Howard hadn't gotten back to him about moving over there with them. Mike said that they actually wanted him to do a game about Howard over there and he didn't want to do it. He's not even sure if he'll be following them over there. Howard said he doesn't remember getting a note from Mike about it but Mike called him out on that and said that Howard had actually told him on the air that he got the note and he'd be calling him. Howard said they definitely want Mike to come along with them. Mike then went on to say that he bought a new Ford Lightning truck that he was going to have SIRIUS put in. Mike said they told him that they couldn't install the unit in the vehicle for less than $675. Gary told Mike that he'd hook him up with a guy who can help him get a deal on that. Howard said he'd look into it himself as well.

  Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week, year after year after year after year... Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:

  1. Ellen Degeneres and her girlfriend Portia DeRossi tried to chase a bat from their home but had to call an exterminator to get it out of their chimney. They asked him not to hurt the bat while chasing it out.
  2. Jude Law had a hottie come up and give him a hug and a kiss only to find out later that she had stuck a card on his back that read ''Serial Cheater.''
  3. STORY REMOVED DUE TO POSSIBLE LEGAL ISSUES
  4. Dennis Quaid received a copy of a script for a movie he's directing where Tom Cruise had scribbled out lines and rewrote them for his girlfriend Katie Holmes who has a part in the movie. Quaid let them know that if they don't do the lines as written, he will find a replacement for her.
  Howard and Fred picked story 3 as the fake one while Robin went with number 4 and Artie went with 2. The actual false story was number one. Howard went to commercial break right after they were done with the game.

• And Finally... 10/14/05. 10:00am
  After the break Howard played Blues Traveler's version of The Beetlejuice Song. He also gave them a plug for a gig they have coming up and said they may even perform that song there. He had Robin start her news after that. She was done with that around 10:35 so Howard gave the guys a few plugs for their upcoming gigs and ended the show.