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Howard Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 6/14/99 to 6/18/99

-- Monday June 14, 1999 --

Howard's Dysfunctional Family Picnic Experience. 6/14/99. 6:25am
Last Friday Howard's radio station, K-Rock, threw a concert called the Dysfunctional Family Picnic. Howard went to the picnic and ended up doing a song with Rob Zombie. He told the story this morning about all of the bands he saw and how he brought his daughter Emily with him. Howard performed ''Dragula'' with Rob Zombie but they had his microphone turned down because he didn't really know the words. (See pictures at www.krockradio.com). Howard said that Kid Rock really kicked ass and so did Rage Against The Machine. Ozzy Osbourne was supposed to show up but something happened and he didn't make it. Howard also ran in to Carmen Electra who was hanging out with Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit, rumored to be her new boyfriend. Howard also saw ex-intern Steve Grillo at the picnic. He said Grillo was dancing with one of his daughter's hot 15 year old friends. Gary also had quite an experience when he went up to tell the crowd something. He went up and started announcing and people threw glow sticks at him. He had to hide behind a roadie so he wouldn't get pelted.
Watch Grass Grow On The Web. 6/14/99. 7:05am
This guy Rich Reibell called in to talk about his web cam. He put up a camera that shows grass growing and he gets like 5000 visitors a day. He's been doing it for a few years now. He said he thought that all of these web cams were pretty useless so he decided to put up this thing with nothing going on except for grass growing and it's become pretty popular. It's not even his own lawn, it's a friend of his. You can check it out yourself at www.amused.com/grasscam.html. Howard was saying that he'd like to put up a cam that shows animals decomposing or something sick like that. Rich told Howard that there is a guy who has a ''Spam Cam'' that shows the meat product Spam decomposing.
Gary Garver Interviews Rev. Jesse Jackson. 6/14/99. 7:50am
Los Angeles interviewer Gary Garver recently got an interview with Reverend Jesse Jackson. Gary got off a bunch of questions but Jackson just rambled and mush-mouthed his way through most of them. Here are the questions:
- Who was your biggest influence?
- Will there ever be a black President in the U.S.?
- Does the media portray blacks in a negative way?
- Should OJ be welcomed back into the community?
- Is OJ innocent or guilty?
- Have you ever smoked marijuana?
- Do you enjoy the benefits of Viagra?
Jackson said his parents were an influence on him then rambled incoherently about something. The same thing happened with the black President question. He thinks that the media portrays blacks and Puerto Rican's in a negative way every day. He told Gary that he didn't want to talk about the O.J. Thing and he was pretty much done by then. He started walking away as Gary asked him the viagra question. Jackson said, very clearly, ''Don't need it!'' to that one.
Games And Crap. 6/14/99. 8:10am
There wasn't much going on today on the show so Howard played some games and gave away some prizes. Gary came in and did a really quick ''Stalker Game.'' Gary had the names of stalkers who have stalked and or killed their celebrity victims. Howard and Robin had to guess who the celebrities were. Here are some of the stalkers and the celebrity they stalked:
- Mark David Chapman - John Lennon
- Robert Dewy Hoskins - Madonna
- Regina Scott - Laurence Fishburn
- Margaret Ray - David Letterman
- Robert John Barto - Rebecca Schaffer
Howard got most of the names correct. Howard took some phone calls and talked about going over to Jackie's house over the weekend. He took his dog Java over and wanted to show Jackie how trained it is. A couple of times Howard had to call the dog over to him but the dog wouldn't do it. Jackie was goofing on Howard because the dog wasn't as obedient as he said. Howard was yelling out ''JAVA COME!'' over and over until the dog came over. Howard said at one point he had to yell it out about 10 times before the dog came over. The dog was also swimming with Jackie out in the bay. That impressed Howard and his daughter Ashley big time. Jackie was having fun also. He tried to take the dog out to his jetty but the dog made a u-turn and didn't go all the way out. Later in the show Howard got around to giving away a $1000 prize he had. He took some calls from people who wanted to stump the Jokeman but nobody could stump him. Then they tried a ''Dead or Alive'' game where Gary would give names of celebrities and the caller would have to guess whether or not that person is dead or alive. The first caller to play didn't win. He had to get 3 out of 5 correct but he couldn't do it. Here's his list:
- Burt Convey - Dead
- Ernest Borgnine - Alive
- Jim Bakus - Dead
- Raymond Burr - Dead
Another guy played and got the first 3 correct so he won the $1000 prize which came from the people who put out the ''Alien'' movies. Here's that list:
- Milton Berle - Alive
- Spiro Agnew - Dead
- Aneta Corsaut(Helen Krump) - Dead
Melrose Larry VS Mike Gange. 6/14/99. 8:45am
Wacko Melrose Larry Green showed up this morning complaining that E! cameraman Mike Gange broke his ribs at the Dysfunctional Family Picnic last week. Melrose claims that Gange punched him in the ribs and cracked two of them last Friday. Gange denied what Melrose said. Gange explained that Melrose was following him around at the picnic and at one point he turned to him, grabbed his shoulders and told him to stop following him around. Melrose says Mike is full of crap and he actually punched him at that point. KC came in and told Howard that if Melrose actually broke his ribs he wouldn't be yelling and jumping around like he was this morning. KC has experienced that himself and he knows the pain. Melrose faked some pain to prove it but he wouldn't admit to lying about it. Before he came in the studio he even took a swing at Gange! Gange told him if he even raises an arm to him again he'd knock his head off. Gange thinks that this is just a new schtick that Melrose is using to get on the air. Howard got sick of Melrose's boring story so he kicked him out after a few minutes. Melrose said he's now being managed by Jack Gordon for anyone who might want to book him for something.
Howard Pissed At Being Censored. 6/14/99. 9:35am
A listener called Howard to tell him that part of a Stump The Jokeman joke was cut off. Howard freaked out and went off on this guy Andre who is in charge of censoring Howard at his station in New York. The joke was something like ''What's the difference between a refrigerator and a homo?'' The answer was cut off but had something to do with ''bad meat in the can.'' Andre hit the delay button on the answer and when Howard found out he went nuts and said he's sick of doing the radio show. He said he wants out of his contract. Howard wanted Andre to come in and talk about this mess but when Andre came in he wouldn't talk about it on the air. Howard said he'd have to take it up with Tom Chiusano and the lawyer they consult with over this crap.
-- Tuesday June 15, 1999 --
Howard's ''Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me'' Review. 6/15/99. 6:30am
Howard went out to see the new ''Austin Powers'' movie last night so he gave his review this morning. Howard enjoyed the first ''Austin Powers'' movie so he was looking forward to seeing the new one. Howard started off by saying that this movie was ''..so bad..'' He said that it was done sloppy and it was dragged out too much with the same jokes that they used in the first movie. He said there were a couple of funny scenes but overall it wasn't that good. Howard took a few phone calls from listeners and a lot of them think he's bashed this movie and ''Star Wars Episode 1'' because he's jealous of them. Howard said he's just being honest about what he thinks. When Howard brought up the fact that he gave Julia Roberts movie ''Notting Hill'' a good review the callers would say that he was just kissing her ass. There was at least one caller who agreed with Howard about ''Austin Powers.'' That guy also thought it sucked.
Brad's Porno Prom Date Update. 6/15/99. 7:05am
Last week this high school kid Brad came in to get a date with Houston the porn star. He won the date and this morning he called in to give Howard an update on what's happening. Brad told Howard that there have been some negative articles written in the local papers about all of this. The school is being pretty cool about it though. Originally they weren't going to let him sit with his friends at the prom but they've changed their minds. He even said that ''The Late Show with David Letterman'' has contacted him and wanted him to do an appearance. Brad also told Howard that there will be pre-prom party at his house and there will be about 120 kids there. That led to Howard thinking about doing a broadcast from the kid's house. Howard is actually thinking of doing part of a show from the house and playing the tape on Monday. Then they started thinking about how they could do it. Gary suggested that they do a broadcast from the after party instead of the pre-party because the kids will be all wound up after the prom. There was also talk of doing it from both parties and going to a strip club while the prom is going on since they wouldn't be allowed into the prom. They may even just hang out with Brad's mother and play cards or something like that. Gary seems to think that Howard won't enjoy the trip out to Staten Island and was almost talking Howard out of doing all of this. We should find out more as the week goes on. The prom is set for this Saturday, June 19.
Ozzy Osbourne On The Phone. 6/15/99. 8:00am
Howard got in touch with rocker Ozzy Osbourne this morning to issue an apology for something that happened last week. Howard's radio station in New York had this Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert going on. One of the scheduled bands was Hole. Courtney Love had to back out of the concert because she tore her larynx or something like that. K-Rock scrambled and managed to book Rob Zombie and Ozzy Osbourne. On Friday Ozzy had to cancel because he was injured at another concert. Howard heard from Tom Chiusano that Ozzy's record company was told that K-Rock was going to pull all of Ozzy's music off the station if he didn't show up and, and this was the kicker, Howard was very upset with Ozzy. They also told the record company that Ozzy wouldn't be allowed on Howard's show again. Howard freaked out and said he has nothing to do with that concert and he wasn't mad at Ozzy for any reason. He called Ozzy to apologize for the actions of whoever told the record company that he was mad at Ozzy. Ozzy was apologizing himself for not doing the DFP because he doesn't like to let people down. Howard told him he didn't need to apologize. Ozzy explained what happened to him, and stuttered more than Stuttering John ever has while explaining it. Howard still isn't exactly sure who it was that brought up his name with the record company. He thinks it was Tom Chiusano but it could have been the program director Steve Kingston. Howard told Ozzy that they're still friends and Ozzy sounded relieved by that.
David Brinker's Mob Hits Album. 6/15/99. 8:50am
This guy David Brinker called in to talk about his music album ''Mob Hits.'' Howard said he saw the commercial for this album and was surprised it made it on the air. Brinker is a Jew which surprised Howard even more. Brinker put together a bunch of old Italian songs on one album and said he sold over 80,000 copies through his web site www.mobhits.com and over 70,000 in retail stores. Howard played a couple of clips from some of the songs and they're old. Brinker says that he's gotten some flack from the Italian American's for calling the album ''Mob Hits'' but he also gets a lot of positive feedback about it. He said he's seen the names on the orders for the albums and there are a lot of Italian people purchasing ''Mob Hits.'' Howard jokingly asked him if his next album will be ''Nazi Favorites.''
Jessica Hahn Calls In. 6/15/99. 8:55am
Long time friend of the show Jessica Hahn called in this morning. Jessica hasn't been on the show for quite a while so she just wanted to call in and say ''hi'' to everyone. She told Howard that she was getting ready to get in her hot tub with her friend. Jessica hooked up with the creator of ''Married With Children'' almost 8 years ago and now he supports her. They live in their own, separate homes and Jessica doesn't have to pay for any of it. Jessica said it's like being married but they only get together 3 or 4 times a week. Jessica doesn't cheat on her man and she thinks that he doesn't cheat on her. Jessica has a female friend who lives with her but she says she's not a lesbian. She just needs the companionship since her man doesn't live with her. Jessica put her friend on the phone with Howard for a couple of minutes but she didn't have much to say. She did say that she doesn't work and Jessica's man pays for her meals and stuff though. Howard asked the girls if they were high this morning. Jessica said she was thinking about it but she wasn't high yet. Jessica said she's been working her ass off lately doing TV shows and stuff but she didn't give many details. She mentioned something about dropping half naked from of a ceiling at a party somewhere though.
-- Wednesday June 16, 1999 --
KC's (Not Really) Stolen Car. 6/16/99. 6:05am
Howard told a story about how yesterday KC thought that his car got stolen. He freaked out when he couldn't find his car but when people asked him where he'd parked it he had no idea. He went and filled out a police report and everyone at the station was feeling sorry for him. Then it just somehow turned up. He explained how he parks the car all over the place to avoid paying for parking in the city and he just doesn't take note of where he parks it. That led to a discussion about everyone's sense of direction. Howard said that his is really bad and he got lost 5 blocks from his house the other day when he had to drive his daughter to the orthodontist. It took him an hour to find his way home.
Riley Martin Calls In From Jail. 6/16/99. 7:05am
The nutty writer of ''The Coming of Tan'', Riley Martin, was on the phone this morning to confirm that he was arrested the other day. Howard read an article about it on the air yesterday but they weren't sure if it was the right Riley Martin. Riley explained that he was busted the day after he was at a big party. He was sitting in his car and the cops picked him up because they had a warrant for his arrest. Riley had a pipe on him that was probably used for smoking pot. He was arrested for cocaine possession and distribution. Riley didn't tell the whole story so Doug Goodstein from E! called in. He had a little more info to add. Doug said that the cops found Riley with a woman in his car and it was a suspicious situation so they questioned him. Riley said he didn't want to say any of that stuff since he was calling from jail in front of a cop. Riley is pretty poor so he's looking for some help from fans or lawyers who want to donate their services. You can get in touch with him by writing to him at 175 County Rd. Rt 519 Belvidere, NJ 07823.
Brad The Porno Prom Kid Update. 6/16/99. 7:10am
Brad, the kid who won the prom date with porn star Houston, called in this morning. A camera crew from the TV show ''Extra'' was waiting out in front of his house. Brad wasn't sure what to do so he got Howard's advice. Howard told him to keep it low key and to just tell the crew ''no comment'' if they ask him questions. They even suggested he put a paper bag on his head or write the F word all over his face so they can't show it on the show. Howard eventually had Brad hand the phone to the woman who was going to do the interview. Howard tried to get her to back off and leave the poor kid alone because they're going to spoil the date for him. Howard let Brad go on his way. Howard told him that they're probably not going to be doing a show from his house like they discussed earlier in the week. He said it'll be better if they're surprised with the story next Monday.
Fred ''Rerun'' Berry Calls In. 6/16/99. 7:50am
Actor Fred ''Rerun'' Berry called in this morning. Fred played ''Rerun'' on the 1970's show ''What's Happening'' as the jolly fat, dancing guy. He's now trying to get Columbia Pictures to release the Rerun character so that he can go out and play the part. Right now he's not able to use the character because Columbia owns the copyright. Howard asked him why he doesn't just go out and play other characters. Fred said that he was typecast and can't do that and make money. He said he just wants to be Rerun. He's out of money and taking just about any job he can now. He's doing independent films and making speeches somewhere. He also mentioned something about a dance school. He claims that at one point when ''What's Happening'' was restarted in 1985 he was offered $15 million for a merchandizing deal but it fell through because Columbia wouldn't allow it. Howard also found out that Fred has been married 5 times to 3 women. He has a couple of kids and one of them he won't speak to because he brought him on the Leeza Gibbons show as a dead beat dad. It was true that he was a dead beat but it wasn't nice to tell everyone on TV about it. Fred has some comedy video called the Fred Berry Comedy Jam that you can get through his web site at www.re-run.com.
Death Pool Update. 6/16/99. 8:15am
Howard and the gang were talking about how they've had this Death Pool thing for over a year now and no one has died in it yet. Howard was interested in one of Gary's picks, Walter Matthau, so he offered to trade him for both Boris Yeltsin and Richard Pryor. Gary didn't want to do it because he heard that Matthau is on his death bed. Howard then offered him $100 for Matthau. Gary jumped on it and made the sale. Then they pointed out that Gary is in the pool with Tom Chiusano. Tom is out of the country so they can't consult with him whether he wants to do the sale or not. Gary tried to back out of the deal but Howard said he already agreed with it and he'll have to take it up with Tom if Matthau dies. Gary may end up owing Tom a lot of money if Tom doesn't agree to the sale.
Guess Which Intern Was Stalked Game. 6/16/99. 8:35am
Gary had a new game for Howard to play. He had three interns come in and tell stories about how they were stalked. Only one of them was telling a true story. After they told their stories Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred all guessed who told the true story. Here's each intern's story:
- Sarah - Sarah dated a guy for a year. After she broke up with him he freaked out, broke into her apartment, took a 3 foot tall stuffed Tweety Bird, cut it's head and stabbed the body into a tree. Then keyed her car and stuck the head on her car. He was arrested and served some jail time for not paying damages.
- Jan - Boyfriend cheated on her so she broke up with him and threw his stuff out of her apartment. He cam back and got so pissed that he kicked a door off the hinges. Then he threatened her new boyfriend, came after her at her gym and followed her into a sauna. She stole his towel and called the cops on him.
- Allison - Went on a high school prom date with a guy then went away on a weekend. On the way home he cried to her about being in love with her. She told him they're just friends. He followed her to her college, followed her around, destroyed her boyfriends car, broke into her apartment and trashed it. Then he sat there crying in the trashed apartment. He spent 8 months in jail.
Howard and Jackie both thought that Sarah told the true story. Robin and Fred both thought that Allison told the true story. Sarah was the one actually telling the true story. Howard won the prize which was a men's Movado watch. I guess they were supposed to have a listener play the game but Howard never got one on the phone to play so he won the prize.

Stripper Question Game. 6/16/99. 8:45am
Howard had a couple of prizes to give away today so he had a Stripper game ready to play. He got a couple of listeners on the phone and had them play. The player had to guess whether or not the stripper would answer the question correctly and had to get 3 out of 5 questions correct. The first player got his 3 right off..

Question	Caller Says	Stripper Answer	Correct?
What President served more than 2 terms in office?	N	Clinton	N
Who was the first President of the U.S.?	Y	Washington	Y
How many senators represent each state?	Y	Two	Y

Unfortunately I had some technical difficulties and wasn't able to catch all of the questions and guesses so here's the half assed list I have:

Question Caller Says Stripper Answer Correct?

How many members are in senate? N 49 Y

What is 20% of $200? ? $2 N

What is 10% of $100 ? $10 Y

Name two countries who fought against the allies in World War 2 ? Don't know N

After that guy was done Howard and everyone else bet on the rest of the questions. There were more but Howard got sick of doing so many so he put an end to it after more than 25 questions.

Question Stripper Answer Correct?

How many feet are in a yard? Thirty six N

How many inches are in a foot? Twelve Y

How many sides to a pentagon? Nine N

How many pints are in a quart? Two Y

What is the formula for Einstein's theory of relativity? E=MC2 Y

Who was the third President of the US? Wasn't Washington N

What is the capitol of New York? Albany Y

What is the capitol of California? Anaheim N

Who wrote ''Mein Kampf?'' No clue N

What ocean borders New York? Pacific N

What does CIA stand for? Central Intelligence Agency Y

What does IRS stand for? I don't know N

What does FBI stand for? Federal Bureau of Investigation Y

What do you call a female deer? Foe N

Who invented the light bulb? Einstein N

What actor starred in ''Rambo?'' Sylvester Stallone Y

How many feet are in a yard? Three Y

How many planets are in our solar system? Twelve N

Who was once known as Cacious Clay? Don't know N

What was the name of Gumby's side kick? Pokey Y

What sport is Wayne Gretsky known for playing? Hockey Y

What is Bruce Wayne's alter-ego? Batman Y

Who is the leader of Cuba? Arafat N

Name two of the four faces on Mount Rushmore. Washington, Lincoln Y

What is the square root of 100? Fifteen N

What President is on the $5 bill? Don't know N

Vin The Retard Drops In. 6/16/99. 9:40am
Cab driver Vin The Retard dropped in just to say ''hi'' this morning. Vin has been on the show a few times in the past usually as a judge in beauty pageants. Vin told Howard that he wants to get back into comedy but for some reason he's been unable to do it. Jackie said he's known Vin for 20 years and actually worked with him in comedy clubs. Vin claims that he's been kicked out of clubs because he uses his disability to make fun of himself.. lame reason to kick him out. One listener called in and offered to represent Vin for free but he has no experience. Vin passed on that offer. Vin hung around during Robin's news segment to comment on some of the stories.
-- Thursday June 17, 1999 --
Another Brad The Porno Prom Kid Update. 6/17/99. 7:05am
Howard spoke to Brad again this morning. Yesterday he spoke to him when a camera crew from ''Extra'' showed up at his house early in the morning. Today Brad said that a couple of strip clubs have called him trying to get him to make appearances. He also said he heard that another New York radio station is holding a similar contest where they give away a date with a porn star to a prom. Howard also had a woman on the phone who had tape of the ''Extra'' piece that aired yesterday. She played it for Howard and Brad. Brad sounded upset that they actually showed him on TV but the woman on the phone said he looked cute. Howard had a quick conversation with Brad's mother before he got off the phone. Howard was more interested in what she was wearing than what she had to say. While he was on the phone with Brad Howard also told Robin how he spends time model watching out in front of the Elite Modeling agency after the show. He said he and Ronnie the limo driver will park near the agency and check out the gorgeous women coming out of the building. Howard said he recently spent close to an hour doing just that while doing business on the cellular phone.
The Death Pool And Jackie Sleeping. 6/17/99. 7:40am
Yesterday Howard made a deal with Gary on their year old Death Pool. This morning Howard said that Gary was really embarrassed by the whole thing and he's been avoiding coming on the air since that incident. He said that Gary lost his pride and his dignity when he gave up Walter Matthau for $100. Everyone has been goofing on him since then. Earlier in the morning Howard mentioned that Jackie wasn't in yet. Stuttering John said that he and Jackie went out to a bar to watch the Knicks game last night. He thought that Jackie left the bar right after him but he hadn't showed up at the radio station yet. Howard told John to call Jackie to find out where he was. John came in later and said that he called and spoke to Jackie's wife Nancy. Nancy looked around the house and found Jackie sleeping in a different bed. John told Nancy to have Jackie call in to explain himself but that didn't happen. Jackie showed up around 8:30. He said he had no excuse for what happened. He just overslept. Howard tried to explain to Jackie that his job is very important to him and he should be there when he's expected to be there. They spent a while talking to Jackie about the whole situation but it somehow changed to goofing on Gary instead.
Hoho Herb, Footsie And Seashell The Clown Call In. 6/17/99. 8:45am
A few clowns called in this morning to plug the New York Clown Academy. Yes, there is a school for clowns! Hoho Herb was the main speaker for the academy. He and Howard discussed what they do to teach clowns. Hoho said that clowns have to learn magic, balloon animals, face painting and how to apply their own makeup. Hoho told Howard that he and the others are party performers who do kid's parties and stuff like that. He told a story about how one time when he was dressed in a purple dinosaur costume an old lady took the tail and used it as a sexual device. He said the cleaning bill for the suit was $75. Hoho claims that clowns can make about $300 a weekend no problem. Howard wondered if there were any black clowns. Hoho then put Footsie the black clown on the phone. Howard asked him if he wears a red nose like the white clowns. Footsie said that he actually wears a mahogany colored nose. Howard also wondered if kids are afraid of a black clown. Footsie said that it's not the kids, it's the parents who are afraid of him. He also said that he can get laid being a clown after the kid parties. Seashell the clown made a quick appearance on the phone but didn't have much to say. You can get in touch with the New York Clown Academy by calling 212-353-1592.
The Lost Gary Tape. 6/17/99. 9:35am
Get ready for some entertaining tape. Earlier in the show a long time listener told Howard the funniest show he ever heard was over 10 years ago when Howard goofed on Gary so much that he cried. Apparently Gary was moping around the studio after breaking up with this woman Nancy he really liked. The worst part was that Gary had been cheating on Nancy during their relationship. Howard goofed on him and he ran out of the studio and wanted to be left alone... Fast forward to 1999.. The guy who dated Nancy right after Gary broke up with her calls Howard. The guy claims that Gary made a videotape apology to Nancy and sent it to her. The guy on the phone never saw the tape himself but he knew it existed. Gary confirmed the story and said there was 2 copies. He has one and Nancy has the other. When Howard heard that he went nuts. He wants that tape so bad that he's willing to give up everyone in his death pool picks for it. He also said that he'd stop calling him Baba Booey for the rest of his life. Gary is very reluctant to give it to him because he knows that he'll be goofed on for the rest of his life for it. Howard then asked Gary if he could raise $10,000 would he give up the tape. Gary was still reluctant but said he'd go home and watch the tape and think about it. The $10,000 was quickly raised by show members and listeners who offered up the money. One guy said he'd pay $5000 just to see it. Howard then started offering viewings to listeners who wanted to cough up the cash. People quickly called in and started offering $1000 for a view. Howard said that they could have a premiere that would allow the $5000 payers to see it first. Everyone else who paid less would see the second viewing. Gary describes the tape as being at least 10 minutes long with him sitting in his kitchen with a microphone in one hand and notes in the other. He goes on to say that he's sorry for what he did and he misses her. Gary hasn't watched the tape in over 5 years but he knows he still has it. It didn't take long for the phones to get jammed up with people offering $5000 for a view. Gary was getting uncomfortable with taking money from the listeners so he said he might donate it to charity. They figure they can get 30-40 people in the studio so there will be a lot of cash rolling in tomorrow morning at 7am when the first airing is tentatively scheduled to air. Tune in tomorrow early if you can to hear the tape. Howard says they're going to have 2 showings so if you miss the first you might catch the second. Gary says this tape is worse than his MTV audition tapes.. This should be good.
-- Friday June 18, 1999 --
The Babapology Tape. 6/18/99. 6:30am
Thanks to Joner for the ''Babapology'' title.. If you didn't hear yesterday's show you have to read about the lost Baba Booey tape that I wrote about. This morning Gary brought the tape in and was ready to collect his money. He told Howard that he watched it again last night and it's even more embarrassing that he remembered it to be. He said it wasn't just a couple of months after he and Nancy broke up, it was 7 months later! Gary said that he wanted to cut out the first three minutes of tape because it was kind of boring but Howard wouldn't let him do it. He also told Howard that he wanted to nullify the Death Pool deal they had with Walter Matthau. Howard told him the deal was off. When Gary found out how much money was up in the air he changed his mind. KC came in and told Gary that he had $18,000 in his hand but a short time later he said it was only $10,800. He said he forgot a zero. It turns out there was a total of over $18,000 including the $7000 that Howard and the rest of the crew were putting in for the tape. 3 guys showed up for the first showing and there were others for the second showing with less money. The first 2 guys came in with a total of $10,000. They got front row seats for the video. Howard even had popcorn popped for the guys to eat while watching the tape. The first viewing went off a little bit past 7:00am. This Jewish Canter came in and sang a special Baba Booey version of the Star Spangled Banner for Howard but he didn't like it so he cut him off and kicked him out of the studio. It turned out that the first 3 minutes had some really funny stuff in it. Everyone got to see Gary from 11 years ago with his John Oates(Hall and Oates) look.. big moustache and all. Gary started off telling Nancy why he was doing the videotape.. because he couldn't ''get an audience'' with her. He told Howard that he was able to talk to Nancy on the phone but she wouldn't see him in person. He also said he was able to date her after he made the tape but didn't get into details. Everyone in the studio was laughing hysterically through the tape. The fans who showed up were commenting on Gary's big teeth and moustache. Everyone agreed that Gary came off as a big pussy.. and that was after only 5 minutes of the 12 minute tape! Howard took a break and came back to keep the tape going. Gary hints that he may propose to Nancy a couple of times but those big choppers don't let it out. The first viewing went on for over an hour and 10 minutes. There were plenty of funny parts in the tape to make it worth rewinding. At one point Gary tells Nancy that he ''lost my lover and my best friend'' and that she lost the same thing but gained another lover and best friend. Then he says that he gained some lovers but no best friends. Everyone burst out laughing. Howard called that formula ''Teeth=MC2'' or his ''Theory of Toothativity.'' Everything on the tape was about Gary, not about what Nancy might be feeling. Gary actually tells Nancy what she must be feeling. Surprisingly there were a couple of women who called in and told Gary the tape was sweet. Most of the other calls were telling him he's a loser. Gary wasn't watching any of the tape because he was so embarrassed by it. At one point near the end of the tape Gary does one line of baby talk where he says he's ''not the begging type'' but he is begging. After watching the tape there was applause and Howard tells Gary ''You are weird!'' Howard took a break and moved on to the Mike Walker gossip game.
The Gossip Game With Guest Shelly Michelle. 6/18/99. 8:45am
Body double Shelly Michelle came in to promote her new CD ''Girl Talk.'' Shelly claims that she has body doubled for 85 celebrities in various movies. Her most famous is for Julia Roberts in ''Pretty Woman.'' When she came in one of the guys that came in for the Gary tape asked if Shelly has always been a woman! She has been one all along. Howard spoke to her for a few minutes then moved on to the weekly Mike Walker Gossip Game.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with 4 gossip stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column, one is false. Everyone tries to guess which story is false. Here are this week's stories:
1. Transvestite Rue Paul has been hired to appear on NBC's ''Suddenly Susan'' as an NBA star who's been through a sex change.
2. Donald Trump's 17 year old daughter has asked him not to date anyone younger than her.(True, he said that on Howard's show)
3. ''Seinfeld'' co-star Jason Alexander donated a self-defense class to some school. It turns out he teaches the martial arts classes to children.
4. Shannon Dougherty's character on ''Charmed'' won't be using her twitchy eye move on the show anymore. People thought it was too disturbing so she'll now be clicking her fingers when she does her magic.
Howard, Shelly and Robin all picked number 3 as the false story. Jackie went with number 4. The actual false story was number one. No winners this week.
After the game Howard spent some time interviewing Shelly. She talked about some of the stars she's stood in for in movies. Howard thinks it's kind of strange that she goes around bragging about being a double when she shouldn't be. She doubled for Kim Basinger, Madonna and Barbara Streisand just to mention a couple. She also strips and sings for a living. Howard asked her if she's had plastic surgery and she only admitted to having breast implants. Howard said he could tell that she's had a nose job but it took a lot of coaxing for her to admit she had one at 10 years old. She also had some kind of lip implants. She came in to promote her album ''Girl Talk'' so Howard played a couple clips from it. The first song was ''Body Double'' and it was really bad. You can find out more about it at www.bodydouble.com. One of the guys who was still in from the Gary tape said he's heard better music in a Nintendo game. Shelly did show Howard her breasts and ass but her breasts were painted with lipstick. Shelly said she does that because her nipples are so small.
The Second Showing Of ''Babapology.'' 6/18/99. 9:30am
Howard had a second showing of Gary's apology tape around 9:30 this morning. There were a lot more people in the studio watching this time around. Howard's buddy Ralph even showed up. Yesterday he was saying that the tape probably wouldn't be that good but after hearing the first viewing he changed his mind and raced down to the studio. There were a bunch of other guys who paid a couple hundred dollars a piece to get in. This time Howard didn't interrupt quite as many times but everyone was getting just as much of a thrill the second time as the first. Howard actually found new things to goof on in the tape also. Poor Gary had to sit there while everyone in the studio commented on the tape. When he walked out of the studio Howard thought he was leaving because he was embarrassed. It turned out he just wanted to get his Gatorade to wet his choppers. Gary eventually got into a little more detail about what happened after the tape was sent. Nancy got back together with him but broke up again after a short period of time. Gary said he was on his best behavior but it didn't work. She broke up with him after bringing her to a Phil Collins concert. The second showing went through with no commercial interruptions so it only took about 50 minutes this time. Near the end of the tape Benjy came in and said they had a grand total of $16,600.. That couldn't be correct so Howard yelled at him for being an idiot. He and KC couldn't come up with a correct number if their lives depended on it. When the tape was over there was a standing ovation from the crowd. Gary said that on the next ''Best Of'' he'll play the taps of the time Howard goofed on him and almost made him cry. That's what led to this whole thing coming out yesterday. Later in the morning they came in with a final tally that turned out to be wrong anyway. They had to guesstimate that it's actually somewhere around $20,000.
Porno Prom Date Update. 6/18/99. 10:40am
Brad, the kid who has the prom date with Houston, called in with another update this morning. He said that one of the girls that was supposed to go in his limo isn't being allowed to go because her mother doesn't like the fact that Houston will be in there. Brad also said that the school is handing out permission slips to all of the students because of all of the controversy. Brad will be in on Monday to describe his experience.