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Mac and Bumble
Howard said he had a lot to talk about today including football and Johnny Carson... but first he took a call from Howard Stern. There was a phone caller playing with some audio clips of his voice so he sat and interviewed himself for a short time. He had some for a minute but then the guy who was working the clips came on and asked Howard a couple of questions. He asked for a prize or something but Howard didn't have anything for him. Howard thought the guy was actually pretty good at working the audio clips. Most of the time those calls fall apart pretty quick.
Howard and the guys talked about yesterday's football games. Howard said he was rooting for Pittsburgh. He'd gotten a towel from the guys out in Pittsburgh when they were put on the station out there last year. He was using it to wipe his dog's ass but over the weekend they washed it and whipped it around like the Steelers fans do.
Howard has prepared some top ten lists for the year. He has a top 10 hottest chicks list and a top 10 A-hole list that he will reveal later today. He replayed the prank call that Sal the Stockbroker made to Crazy Alice recently. Alice doesn't like being called ''crazy'' so Sal tried some other things like Insane or Nutty but Alice didn't want to go there and hung up on him. Richard Christy tried a few others but she wasn't going for them either. Howard took his first break right after that.
Howard brought up Johnny Carson's death and said that he wasn't a fan of Johnny's and didn't like the way he treated comedians when they appeared on The Tonight Show. Howard said the actor guests didn't have to wait for Johnny's approval to come sit down on the couch. Howard was surprised when he read about Johnny's death. Howard said he got a call from comedian Craig Gass who told him to make sure he gets tape of Merv Griffin talking about Carson on all of the talk shows out there. Merv was apparently bringing up his own late night show while being interviewed about Carson. Joan Rivers was also on with Merv on Larry King's show so she was even saying some nice things about him. Merv pointed out that he gave Joan her first break on a late night show even though Joan was talking about Carson.
Howard played a song about Johnny Carson that Brian Wilson wrote. It was kind of funny so Robin thought that it was a goof but it really wasn't supposed to be. The song was pretty bad and Howard talked about how he was never a fan of the Beach Boys. There are some people who think that they were better than the Beetles. Howard went on to talk about how Jay Leno took over for Carson and didn't even acknowledge him when he took over. Now he's talking about how important he was. Howard pointed out what a two faced dick Jay is. He said that he doesn't even care that Stuttering John is over there now, he's actually happy for John to have a job like that, but he really dislikes Leno. Howard pointed out how Leno went behind his back and stole John away from the show without talking to him first. Howard seems to think that Leno was trying to get a younger audience by getting John on the show. He spoke to Leno after the deal was done with John and Leno wondered if he was still going to do his show. Howard said he went off on Leno about stealing John and stealing bits from his show. Leno denies stealing anything from Howard's show of course... but Stuttering John is now working over there as their announcer. Artie thinks it's funny that Stuttering John is basically the Ed McMahon of The Tonight Show now. He said he loves John but that's just funny.
Howard and Robin brought up some of the stuff that Carson used to be accused of in the past and how people seem to be overlooking that stuff now that he's passed away. Gary came in and told Howard that he just watched the Larry King stuff and he'll have some clips of Merv Griffin for Howard to play later. Artie saw the Larry King stuff and talked about how Merv would just keep bringing up his own show over and over again no matter what they were talking about. Gary said there was a lot of good stuff going on during that show. Howard pointed out the fact that Carson used to smoke like crazy and he ended up dying of Emphysema. He used to hide his cigarette under his desk when he'd come out of commercial break and Howard said that would drive him nuts. He thought that Carson should have just admitted he smoked back then.
Howard played some audio clips of Carson doing his final monolog on The Tonight Show. He also had audio of Phyllis Diller, Jackie Mason and Jerry Lewis saying goodbye to Johnny during interviews they did over the weekend. Artie told a story about why Johnny stopped talking to Freddy DeCordova because of a disagreement they had over whether or not they should do a tribute to Johnny's son on the air or not. Johnny pretended to agree with Freddy about how it wouldn't be good for the air but he was actually pissed and ended up firing the guy and never spoke to him again about it. Howard said there were a slew of articles about the format that Carson came up with and how everyone on late night shows now are copycats. He does agree with them about that because no one is innovating anything anymore.
Howard played some of the audio from Larry King's show where Joan Rivers, Don Rickles, Mike Douglas and Merv Griffin were commenting on Carson's death. Merv Griffin corrected Joan Rivers about the fact that she was on his show first, before she ever did Carson's show. Merv seemed more concerned with his own show than he was about Carson's death. Dick Cavet called in and dragged the interview to a grinding halt as he was talking about how he met Carson way back in 1952. Merv Griffin inserted himself once again and asked Dick who gave him a chance on TV first. It was Merv of course. Larry King asked Merv if he was surprised that Carson never came out of retirement. Merv said he wasn't surprised at all but went on to talk about himself once again. Gary said he would have had more of the Larry King stuff but the show ran long and their TiVo didn't catch the end of it.
A woman called in and said that Johnny's final appearance on TV was actually on David Letterman's show so he did show respect for him. That got Howard talking about what a phony Jay Leno was. That's why Johnny didn't go back and do his own Tonight Show. Howard believes that Jay is as vapid as they come and he's just a big phony when he talks to people off the air. Howard said ''I think he's mentally ill.. That's what I think.'' Howard had to take another break after that.
Captain Janks made a prank call to a TV news program as an official from the airport in Philadelphia. He said ''Hey, Howard Stern rules you dickheads!'' after the reporters put him on the air.
Last week Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone to give him a shot at getting on this show ''American Dreams'' that he wanted to get himself on. Producer Jonathan Prince gave him a shot and today they had a script for Eric to read. Howard had Jonathan set up the scene for everyone. Jonathan said that actress Daphne Zuniga will be playing a part in the show. When Jonathan told him that, Eric didn't seem to show any excitement. Howard thinks that he is excited but he just doesn't show that on the air. Eric is going to drive down to Los Angeles with his dad to play this part. Eric said that it's definitely exciting and he's been rehearsing for the part.
Howard is going to play the part of Shelly, the Daphne Zuniga part, as they rehearse this morning. Howard wondered if Daphne is still good looking these days. Jonathan said that she is still very attractive. Howard found out that Daphne is 42 years old so he's not sure how well she's holding up at that age. He said there aren't many women who hold up that well at that age. He said that the only one he knows of is Teri Hatcher. The guys talked about some other women who haven't held up so well at that age. One of the guys brought in a picture of Daphne Zuniga and Howard said she's still hot. He sounded pretty surprised by that. He couldn't believe how good she looked. Howard told Eric that he was going to be working with a hot chick but even that didn't seem to get much of a reaction from him. Howard wondered where he was. Eric said he was just waiting for Howard to actually get to the scene. Jonathan said that the scene should be shot sometime later this week or next week and it'll be on the air in March. Eric has plans to go to a WWE event on Monday the 31st but no one understood why he brought that up.
Jonathan said that Eric does a scene where he talks about how there is no wheelchair access on airplanes. This all takes place back in the 60s. Howard played the part of Eric's mother and read his lines from the script they had. There were only a couple of lines for Eric but Jonathan said there were supposed to be more. He said he was freaking out because he thought there were more. Jonathan said that he was kind of hoping that Eric would respond to his lines a little quicker. He asked Eric to play it like it's a real conversation when he does the actual shoot. Howard told Jonathan that he should have hooked Eric up with a love scene, that's what he's really looking for. Howard, Fred and Artie were goofing around with some ideas for the show. They were all love scene ideas but that's not what ''American Dreams'' is all about.
Eric still wasn't showing any excitement so Jonathan said that anytime he finds someone this excited to be on national television, just give him a call. Howard played a gay porn clip that they'd inserted some Eric the Midget clips into. Eric didn't know where they got that clip from and he didn't sound too thrilled about it. Howard gave ''American Dreams'' a plug and let Jonathan go a short time later. Eric still wasn't showing any excitement or any thanks for what he was getting. Eric wanted to find out what Jonathan's e-mail address was so he could send him some pictures. Jonathan said that he was sure he was perfect for the part and he didn't need any pictures. Howard let the two of them go a short time after that. Howard said he can't wait to see that scene.
Howard was supposed to have his daughter's birthday party on Sunday but the snow storm put a stop to that. He had to put that off until next weekend. Gary said he had his son's birthday party this weekend even though his birthday party was way back in December. He didn't want to cancel it so he held it even though they were getting snow. Artie said that he drove down to Philly on Friday night because he had a comedy show to do on Saturday night. That show ended up getting canceled because f the snow storm and now people think he pussied out and didn't show up. He actually spent the whole weekend down in Philly so he was ready to do it. They had to reschedule the show for February 18th.
A phone caller complained about the comedy show being canceled and did the ''Wah, wah, wah'' thing that Artie does all the time. The guy complained that he took a personal day off so he could go to the show and he didn't want to do that again. The caller changed subjects and ended up talking about breeding bulldogs. The caller said that they have to artificially inseminate them and then have cesarian sections to give birth to the puppies. The guy also told a story about how this woman did the artificial insemination. He said that he brought his dog to this place and this woman used her hand on her male dog off. She got the semen in a bag and then used a syringe to inject the semen into the guy's dog. He said that she actually blew the semen through the tube of the syringe to get it into the dog. He said the stuff ended up leaking out on the seat of his car after that. Howard said he thinks that's the way he thinks he was conceived. Howard and Artie talked a little bit about the football games that went on over the weekend and then went to commercial break.
Evil David Letterman (an impersonator) was on the phone to comment on Johnny Carson's death this morning. Evil Dave said that Johnny could punch a woman like no other man. He also said that the other talk show hosts out there were all fags compared to Johnny. Evil Dave cracked some jokes about Carson having a black grandchild and how that shows that ''tragedy can strike anyone.'' Howard thanked ''Dave'' for the call after just a couple of minutes.
Howard had some more audio clips of Merv Griffin talking about Johnny Carson's death. Merv likes to talk about his own career while commenting on Johnny's death. Howard said he learned nothing about Johnny while Merv was talking about him. All he learned about was Merv's career.
Howard said he wasn't much of a Carson fan as he was growing up. He said he was actually more of a fan of Merv Griffin's. Artie thought that carson was great when he was talking to hot chicks. He said he gave off a vibe like he wasn't intimidated by the hot chicks he interviewed. Howard said his mother wasn't a fan of Carson's either. Howard talked about Carson's treatment of comedians on his show and how wrong that was. He said that it was like the Gong Show the way Carson treated his comedian guests.
Howard read a quote from Jay Leno about Johnny Carson. After reading that he talked about what a robot Jay is and how there doesn't seem to be any life behind those eyes of his.
Howard was checking out some pictures of Carmen Electra on WireImage.com and he's thinking that she might be pregnant. He said if she is, it's probably in the early stages but she did look like she might be pregnant to him.
Shuli had a game to play with Howard. He had questions and multiple choice answers. They were all questions about Gary.
Gary brought in a letter they got from a fan who said that Chaunce was out one night crying. Gary said he thinks that Chaunce might be upset that he hasn't been hired there yet while Richard Christy, Sal the Stockbroker and Dan the Song Parody Man are already working there. Howard doesn't have a job to offer Chaunce at this point so that's why they haven't hired him yet. Howard would want him to do certain things and they just don't have a budget for him. Chaunce told Howard to just go and do his show and not worry about him. Howard said that he sounds kind of unstable and he'd be afraid to hire someone like that. Chaunce said that he is stable and he's got a lot of stuff going on in his personal life.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and offered to buy Chaunce a plastic chair so he can sit in the hall with him. He goofed on Chaunce telling him that there's no chance that he's ever going to get a job up there. Chaunce and Ronnie went off on each other for a couple of minutes. Chaunce was goofing on Ronnie about hanging out at Scores all the time and pretending that he works there.
Howard kept insisting that he wouldn't offer a guy a job without offering him money (Really?). Chaunce said that he will write up something for Howard's site and let Jason throw it out as he usually does. He also offered to come up and write about what goes on up there... for free. Howard said he can't do that. Gary said that would be illegal.
Doug from E! came in and said that he thinks that Chaunce wrote them this letter that Gary got from a ''hot chick'' who said that Chaunce could have scored with her. Gary said that's funny because no one has his personal e-mail address but that's where the mail came to. Ralph called in and told Chaunce that no one wants to hear from him and that's why he came in last in the ''Get John's Job'' contest.
Chaunce told Howard that he'd end the interview on a high note saying that there's this thing called a Speech Easy that could possibly cure John the Stutterer of his stuttering. Gary said they spoke to someone at the company and they weren't sure they wanted to take John's case on because his stutter is so bad. Howard let Chaunce go after that and had to take a break.
Howard mentioned the $25,000 contest they have going on for the rest of this week. Anyone who can get any one of the following celebrities can win $25,000:
A woman called in and told Howard that she agrees with Howard about Jay Leno. She started to ramble a little too much so Howard hung up on her. Howard went on to talk about these people who make new years resolutions to get in shape so they all sign up with health clubs and try to work out for a couple of months. They all end up quitting a couple of months later. Howard said if you go to a health club regularly, you notice that those people are taking up all of the equipment even though they know they're not going to stick with it.
Ralph Cirella called in and told Howard that his top 10 list was flawed because he didn't even know the name of one of the chicks. He also suggested people like Brooke Burns to be on the list. Ralph is working on a list of women who USED to be hot but aren't anymore. Howard wanted to hear the list today but Ralph didn't have it all ready. He said that Gina Gershon is one person on the list. Howard took a call from another guy who wondered why the Olsen twins weren't on the list. Howard said he did talk to Ashley Olsen on Friday night. He didn't elaborate on what he talked about with her though.
Ralph said that Heather Locklear will be on his list of women who fell apart in 2004. Charlize Theron is another one. Howard doesn't think that she belonged on the list though. Ralph said that Natalie Portman fell apart in 2004 and she doesn't look that good. Artie said that Ashley Judd fell off his list this year.
Double A called in and asked why Beth O wasn't on Howard's list. Howard said that Beth helped him out with the list and even she didn't think she should be on the list. Howard went on to talk about how he tried to make a porno movie with Beth last night but she put a stop to that. He told her he wanted to get wild with her but she wasn't into it. He said he has his video camera charging at all times but last night it wasn't ready to go for some reason. He ended up calling his assistant Laura and asked her what happened. She wasn't even sure why it wasn't charging. Beth walked in on him preparing the camera to go and she wasn't ready to be filmed. She said she has to be drunk before she can do something like that. Howard said he was going to pretend to be this guy she was going to be doing an interview with today. She complained about it being too late so he ended up chasing Beth around the apartment with the camera after that. He didn't video tape them having sex though. Howard also threw in the fact that his daughter turned 12 today in the middle of that discussion.
Howard didn't want to say what he and Beth did last night. There was a delay hit after that so it wasn't clear if Howard said what it was or not. Double A said that he had wild sex with Beth's calendar. He said he was doing all kinds of stuff after he got the calendar. Howard talked about how Beth was modeling clothes for him last night. That led to them playing a clip from Fame where a guy is trying to get Coco to take her clothes off. A phone caller told Howard it's good that he didn't have Beth on his list because he's already banging her. Another caller said that Paris Hilton should have been on his list. One guy said that Howard dropping Pam Anderson to number 7 was ridiculous. Howard said that the numbers don't really matter though. Howard said that she could have been number 4 or even number 2 just as easily. The caller also thought that Jennifer Garner should have been on the list but Ralph pointed out that she's a little ''stubby'' and she's not that hot. Howard told Ralph to go finish his list of chicks who used to be hot. He wanted the list by the end of the show but even Ralph admitted that he probably won't have it done until next year. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had absolutely nothing to say. A 17 year old kid called in and said that he just lost his virginity. He said he was working at a tanning salon and this hot chick from his school came in while he was working there. He started to tell a story but Howard and Artie didn't believe any of it so Howard hung up on him.
Howard didn't get around to playing tapes of Michael Powell being interviewed about his resignation. Howard spent a lot of time talking about Johnny Carson though. He had a clip of Johnny Carson roasting Don Rickles from years ago and he was calling him a fag and making homosexual jokes that didn't really come across as being that funny. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
A phone caller asked Howard if he ever met Johnny Carson in person because he didn't think it was right for Howard to bad mouth the guy after he died. Howard said he never did meet Carson and he was thinking that maybe he got his dislike for Carson from his mother who disliked him. Howard also brought up the story about Carson slapping around his wife at a party in front of people one time. Howard said he does feel bad for Carson's family because they lost someone. Howard said that he thinks that he's a much better man than Carson ever was. Robin finished up her news after that. Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started off the show saying that Robin wasn't there today. He said that she's off somewhere... and Gary interrupted and asked if she's at NATPE (National Association of Television Program Executives) for her upcoming talk show. Howard knew where she was and thanked Gary for his help. He said it'll be interesting to find out who buys the show. Artie wondered where the convention was being held. Howard wasn't sure but said it could be out in L.A. or in Las Vegas.
Howard said that they have Baby Spice or Emma Bunton coming in today. He said they have some pictures up on his web site for those who want to see her. Howard doesn't remember her being all that hot but he thinks that she's pretty hot now.
A listener called in and told Howard that he should give Billy Joel some respect instead of mentioning him and his young girlfriends. Howard said the guy didn't know what he was talking about because he never mentioned Billy and his young girlfriends. He figured the caller was just trying to get under his skin. Howard said he knows Billy and his girlfriend and the girlfriend is very nice. She's 22 years old and acts like she's 26 according to Howard. Another caller, Bong Hit Eric, told Howard he likes the Page 69 thing on his web site. He also gave Howard a quick F, Marry, Kill game to play. Howard couldn't make up his mind but here's what he and Artie seem to think:
Jay brought out Ed McMahon at one point and seemed to ignore history all together. Gary came in and said that some of the interns there didn't know that Jay was hated by Johnny Carson. Carson didn't even mention Jay's name on his last show, even though Leno was taking over for him a week later. Johnny wanted David Letterman to replace him but that didn't happen so Johnny wasn't happy about that. Howard thought it would be really cool if Ed McMahon came out and talked honestly about what happened with Jay but that just didn't happen. Howard said that Jay's show is the fakest thing he's ever seen and he can't watch it. Gary said that Jay doesn't believe that he pushed Johnny out, he blames his manager for that stuff. Howard said that's his M.O. because he did the same thing with Stuttering John when he stole him over to his show. Howard wondered why no one is saying that Johnny was a ''miserable dick'' because that's what he was. Howard said that no one tells the truth in these tributes. Howard said he'd like to go on that show and do the real tribute to Johnny Carson. He said he'd be willing to fly out to California and do the show... while he was talking about that an alarm clock went off.
Benjy has an alarm clock in the studio and it went off. Howard wondered why he would set the clock in the studio like that. Benjy comes in early sometimes and keeps it there to wake himself up just in case he falls asleep in the studio. Benjy said that he didn't set the clock himself and someone else must have done it as a goof. Howard took a break right after that.
Howard mentioned Emma Bunton again and said he heard that some people have seen her in person and she doesn't look anything like the picture they have of her. Artie said in the picture they have, she looks almost Heidi Kluum-ish.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Don Imus and he was bad mouthing Howard over and over again on his show. Howard said that the guy is a total mockery and a fake and he's been ripping him off since he got to New York City. Howard also pointed out how the guy used to study his show and steal stuff from him all the time when they worked at WNBC together. Imus would actually call Howard's mother on the air to imitate what he was doing on his show. Howard said he's not even sure how that guy has maintained a career all of these years. He said it's bizarre. The caller apologized for getting Howard pissed off. Howard knows that's exactly what the guy was looking for though. The caller also thanked Howard for all the years that he's been on up there in Canada. He won't be able to hear him once he goes to satellite. Howard thinks that they'll be on up there soon enough.
Howard got back to the audio clips from last night's Tonight Show. Ed McMahon was talking about working with Johnny Carson and being just as bad as Jay as far as being phony and not talking about what really went on between him and Johnny. After playing some of that Howard read some e-mail he got about the way he's been talking about Johnny. Howard said he's not bashing the guy, he's just being honest about what kind of guy Johnny was. No one else out there is being honest, they're pretending they had good relationships with Johnny when they really didn't. Howard had to take another break before getting to more of the Tonight Show tapes.
Howard was trying to figure out what to do next. He said he heard that Joan Rivers was crying as she was talking about Johnny Carson with Diane Sawyer. Joan started out okay but the more she talked about him, the more upset she got. Howard ended up talking about Leno again after that. He was pointing out what a phony Leno is once again. He also talked about a phone call Howard had with Jay and how he told him he's not going to do his show again because he's such a phony. Jay refused to accept that Howard wasn't going to be his ''friend'' anymore after he stole Stuttering John away from his show. Howard got back to the Joan Rivers tape and went through that for a few more minutes. He said that there are a lot of fake people in show business.
Howard continued to talk about what kind of guy Johnny Carson really was and how no one else is willing to talk about that. He had tape of Paul Anka talking about how he was ripped off with the theme song for the Tonight Show. Anka gave Johnny half the writing credits for that theme and Johnny took that money every year even though he was making millions on the show. In the tape Anka said that he and Johnny split the $200,000 a year that the song generated. Gary also had Howard play tape of Dick Cavet talking about how Johnny really wasn't that nice a guy. Howard had to take another break before getting to Emma Bunton.
Howard moved on to Emma Bunton (Baby Spice) since she was waiting to come in. Howard said you can check out some pictures on his web site. Or you can go on her official web site EmmaBuntonOfficial.com. Howard said the pictures of her that he's been looking at make her look really good. He told her she should have worn the hot pants in the studio this morning. Artie told her that she should have been called ''Ass Spice'' instead of Baby Spice. That led to asking Emma why the black chick in the Spice Girls was called ''Scary Spice.'' She said they did that because she was a bit intimidating to some people. Artie said they could have called her ''Criminal Spice'' or something like that.
Howard also asked Emma about how much money the Spice Girls made and how much Emma made herself. She said that she made quite a bit and could live pretty comfortably but she's helping to support some of her family as well. She told Howard that her father is a milk man and he still works. She has gotten him a car and helps out with stuff like that. Artie wondered if she's also got an uncle who's a chimney sweep because he didn't know Milk Men even existed anymore. Howard asked to see Emma's panties after noticing she wasn't wearing a bra. He figured she likes showing off her body because that's what she was doing in the pictures he was checking out. Emma said that's not really what she's into. Howard broke the news to Emma that Robin wasn't there this morning. Emma said that she was looking forward to seeing her. Howard told her that Robin jumped out a window after learning of Johnny Carson's death.
Howard asked Emma which one of the Spice Girls was the one who broke up the band. Emma said that she met the girls when she was about 18 and they stayed together for about 4-5 years and then came to a point when they wanted to do something different. Howard told her that he's been doing the same radio show for over 25 years now. He asked her how she ended up getting into the Spice Girls. The other girls responded to an ad in the paper and she came on after they'd already been put together. Howard told Emma that he's never met a more annoying group of girls before. He sid that Geri Halliwell was really annoying to him and wondered if she was annoyed by them. Emma said that they all got along very well.
Howard tried to find out when Emma started to develop. He guessed it was 13 but she didn't want to talk about that stuff. Fred was playing some audio of a gagging porno that they play on the show all the time. Emma didn't know what it was at first so he had Fred play more of it. Artie told her that the clip was BJ Spice who was on the show one time. Howard got back to Geri Halliwell and talked about how annoying she was when she was on the show. He figured that Emma had to have been annoyed by her but she said she wasn't. She just hung out with the other girls last week at Posh Spice's wedding. Howard wondered if they just pretend that Posh's husband doesn't cheat on her. It was reported that he was out cheating on her so Howard spent a short time goofing around with her about that.
Howard asked Emma if she was ever attracted to the other girls in the band. She said that she does find women attractive but she never felt that way about any of the girls in the band. She told Howard about this guy that she's dating. The guy actually came to see one of the Spice Girls shows and hooked up with her there. Howard wondered how many guys she's been with in her life. Emma didn't want to talk about that stuff of course. She said that she doesn't do one night stands even though she was in a girl band. Howard read some notes about her getting mad at Justin Timberlake after he went around saying that he had sex with her. Emma said that he never did that and she never got mad at him like that. Emma said that she hung out with him and danced with him one night and that was about it.
Emma told Howard about how the Spice Girls once streaked down the hallway at the Four Seasons hotel they were staying at out in Los Angeles. She said that some people did see them when the elevators opened up as they were running around. Howard asked her if the Spice Girls would ever get together again. She said she's not sure that would happen and she's happy being a solo artist. Howard suggested that she just get a few other girls to go out on tour with her and call them the Spice Girls. Howard asked Emma what she does for sex while she's out on the road. He wondered if she's got a vibrator. She said she did get one from one of the girls in the band. Howard told her that he'd use a vibrator on her if he had sex with her. Emma didn't want to get into that and asked Howard to be nice.
Howard gave Emma a plug for her new album ''Free Me'' which just came out today. He took a few phone calls before playing the CD though. One guy wondered if Sporty Spice was a lesbian. Emma said that she's not a lesbian and she has a boyfriend. Another guy asked her to get into panties on the air. Howard said she's not the type of girl who's going to do that. He was right. Another guy asked her if she had pubes when she joined the Spice Girls. Howard figured she did. Howard wondered if she's fully shaved down there but Emma didn't want to talk about that either. She said she doesn't usually talk about that stuff. Captain Janks called in and asked Emma if she would bang Howard Stern ''you dirty little whore.'' Howard said that was just wrong but then asked her if she would. Emma said she finds Howard attractive but she wouldn't be sleeping with him. Gary told Emma that Howard runs 8 miles a day and he's in good shape. Howard showed her how good he looks by standing up and showing off his body to her.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Emma if she's into threesomes. Emma said that would be tough for her to do with someone she loves. She wouldn't do it with anyone she didn't love either. Howard got back to Emma's new album and played a little bit of one of the tracks. Gary came in during that and told Howard that Emma had to get going. Howard figured the publicist might be upset about what he's been talking about with her. Emma said that Howard was being kind of rude to her but she is a big fan of his. She didn't think that he was going to be so rude to her today. Howard didn't think he was being rude and didn't even realize it if he was. He played some more of Emma's song ''Free Me'' and thought it was a pretty good tune. He wrapped up the interview after reviewing some of the things that they went over during the interview. He said he learned that he was rude during the interview. He also talked to her about how he had gone to London one time and really liked it over there. Emma said that everyone knows about Howard over there and they love him. She said she told people that she was going to be doing his show and they were thrilled for her. Howard ended the interview shortly after that and let.
Howard brought up this show they have on VH1 called ''Celebrity Fit Club'' which is like ''The Biggest Loser'' but with celebrities. He played a clip from the show where Joey G from The Sopranos actually gained 12 pounds during a competition to lose weight. Howard thought that was kind of funny. Artie said he stole his bit because that's what he did when they had a weight loss competition on Howard's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Emma and said that she was really uptight. Howard said she told him that he'd been really rude to her after the interview. Another caller asked Howard if he saw Beth on the Donny Deutsch show last night. Howard hasn't seen it yet but has it on tape. He said that Beth is out promoting a bunch of stuff and even threw in a plug for satellite radio while she was on. Star Jones was also on that show and apparently said that she's the new spokesperson for the E! channel. The caller said that she's just the official spokesperson for the red carpet interviews she does.
Howard brought up Bijou Phillips and saw that she was at the Sundance Film Festival. She apparently got into a fight with Michele Rodriguez at the event and Howard wondered what she des to go to places like that because she's not working. She appears to be sailing through life and isn't nice to people. Howard wondered if she was left an inheritance from her father or something. Howard and Artie couldn't figure it out.
Howard read a story about a guy who just found his missing 5 year old daughter in Thailand after losing her during the tsunami. Howard read the story and wondered how that 5 year old managed to survive. The girl was washed away during the tsunami and went to a government building. Howard said the ocean is a dangerous thing to mess with.
A listener called in and told Howard that Bijou Phillips makes some money doing modeling and stuff. Howard hasn't seen her doing any modeling. Another guy told Howard that Bijou was in a movie called ''Bully'' and she's naked in that. She probably made some money off of that. Howard changed subjects and said that his Chyna Doll interview is on E! tonight. He said that some of her family contacted him about trying to help Chyna Doll out because she was such a mess on the show that day.
A phone caller told Howard that stuttering John comes off as Jay Leno's ''bitch'' on The Tonight Show these days. That got Howard talking about Leno again. He was going off on Leno about being a phony once again. He replayed the Jay Leno monolog where Jay was acting all depressed about Johnny's death. Howard was really annoyed by the whole thing and thinks that Leno was reading the whole monolog from a script. Howard said he couldn't listen to that clip anymore because it made him sick. He played some of the Ed McMahon interview after that. Letterman hasn't done his tribute to Johnny yet because he's on vacation this week.
Howard took a call from a woman who sounded kind of like a dude to him. He ended up goofing on her for a couple of minutes instead of letting her talk about whatever it was she wanted to. She eventually got to mention that she saw a great picture of Howard and Beth in In Style magazine. Howard moved on and took another call from a guy who had some stuff to say about Emma Bunton and her awful interview. One guy asked Howard where Robin was this morning. Howard filled him in on the fact that she's out in Las Vegas trying to sell her syndicated TV show that should be out later this year. Howard had to do something like that a few years back when he had his Saturday night show. He said she has to sit and talk to these network executives about what her show is going to be like.
After playing the Evil Dave bit Howard read some e-mail. He got some feedback about his Top 10 A-Hole list. One person suggested that Jim Carrey should have been on the list because of something Jim said about Howard in an interview about Sam Kinison. Another guy suggested that Mel Gibson should have been on the A-Hole list. Some people gave Howard some feedback about his Top 10 Hot Chicks list. One person asked Howard why he didn't put Kristen Kreuk on his list. Howard said he doesn't find her to be that hot. Someone also suggested Salma Hayek for the list but Howard isn't into her either. Another person suggested Jillian Grace for the list but Howard didn't think she was quite hot enough for that list.
Howard got some mail about how great the Eric the Midget phone calls are. There were some people who wrote in about Johnny Carson's death and how much of a dick the guy was. Some people claimed that they'd worked at NBC when Carson was there and witnessed some of the scum bag things he did there.
There are rumors about Howard being taken off the air in Austin, Texas but they are false. The station went back to a hip-hop format but they still have Howard on in the mornings.
Howard read a quote from Dr. Drew Pinsky that pissed him off. He was talking about the indecency fines that have been coming out and how their show, Love Lines, is trying to deal with things seriously and get information out there, unlike Howard Stern's show. Howard said that Love Lines is in no way serious and even his partner Adam Carolla would admit that they're not doing a serious show. Howard said that if he ever runs into that guy he's going to tell him off to his face, just like he did to Jay Leno. He had to take a commercial break after playing the ''F-You'' song for Dr. Drew.
A phone caller brought up Michael Powell from the FCC and the fact that he's resigning. Howard said that guy was nothing compared to the person they're going to get to replace him. The caller wondered if they're eventually going to start regulating satellite radio. Howard said they can't do that unless the country becomes like Nazi Germany. The caller also wondered why Howard went to Sirius instead of XM. Howard explained that he had met with both companies but thought that Sirius had more to offer. The caller wondered if Howard thought that he was following Opie and Anthony to satellite. Howard told the guy that he's the first one to walk away from a successful terrestrial radio career to do satellite. He believes that those guys screwed up their career when they were fired a couple of years ago. He doesn't think that there's a comparison to be made between him and some of the other guys on satellite. He did say that he wishes everyone who moves to satellite, luck with their careers. He said that the guys at XM are nice guys but he had to choose one and he thought that Sirius was the right one for him.
Howard and Artie were also talking about some deejays in New York City who were in the paper after they sang a song about how they were happy that the tsunami victims had been washed away. Howard said there are ways to make fun of tragedies but what he read sounded completely nuts.
Joe wondered if Howard is going back out to Vegas this year. Howard said that Tom Chiusano wants them to go but there's a lot of stuff going on there that makes him think they shouldn't go. Joey is getting married so he's going to have his bachelor party out there and hoped that he could do it when Howard and the guys are out there. Howard couldn't believe that Joey was going to get married and spent a few minutes talking to him about that. Joey is 46 years old so Howard kind of understood that. He said the guy's life is half over so he might as well get married. Joey told Howard that he ended up losing about 135 pounds by using this Stacker 2 stuff. He didn't get his stomach stapled but he did get a band put in. Joey said he started taking the Stacker 2 once he hit the wall and wasn't able to lose anymore.
Howard said that if Joey is going to be married out in Vegas, he doesn't want to hang with him. Joey said it'll be his bachelor party so he won't be married yet. Howard couldn't believe the guy lost that much weight but Joey says he wants to lose 70 more before they start shooting The Sopranos next season. He said that he's been eating egg whites for breakfast lately. Artie said he has egg whites as well. He said ''You know what else I have with them? Egg yellows!'' Howard let Joey go after that.
Howard got in a few plugs for the E! show and some guests they have coming up this week. Sandra Bernhard is supposed to be in tomorrow and Jimmy Kimmel will be in later this week. He ended the show without doing any news since Robin was out today. The show was over by about 10:15am.
Howard was asking if Robin had made it back this morning. She wasn't there yet so Fred played a few clips of her saying various things. Robin was in her booth a short time later so she spoke up. Howard mentioned that Sandra Bernhard would be in later in the morning. Howard said they tried to pick up chicks to get naked in the studio yesterday and they may try to do that again today. He said it was funny to listen to so they'll do it again.
Howard read in the paper today that both satellite companies, XM and Sirius, might merge into one. He said it is kind of crazy that the two are competing doing the same thing so it would make sense to do that. Artie said it would make sense for them to merge so they'll make it in the long run. Howard said he thinks that Sirius has some bargaining power now that they have him on board. He said he's minding his own business and isn't getting into it. Howard said he didn't know anything about the merge talks before he read it in the paper. They kept that a secret from him for some reason. He said he thinks it would be cool if they did that. The guys were wondering how the companies would work all of that out. Howard said he was walking down the street the other day and an old woman told him that she'd bought a bunch of stock in the satellite company and that it had better go through the roof. Howard can't control that stuff though.
A phone caller asked Howard not to merge but he has no control over that so he has no say in the matter. Howard told the guy that it would be a year away no matter what. The companies would also have to get FCC approval before it could happen as well. Bong Hit Bill called in and asked Howard if he saw American Idol last night. Howard got kind of upset that Bill's phone was echoing. Bill picked up the phone and apologized for that. Howard told him that he can't use speaker phone because everyone always ends up picking up the phone and asks ''Is that better.'' Bill took a hit off his bong and asked Artie what's up with the Super Bowl. Howard had to change the subject back to American Idol since Bill asked about that. He said he Gene Simmons was pretty good on the show but he was acting kind of weird. Robin didn't see it because she was flying home last night.
Howard said he knows that people might get bored by this subject. He mentioned that the Bush Administration hired someone to write about some of their social issue agenda. Robin said that you think you're reading an editorial that someone wrote about their own opinions but it turns out they're on the payroll for the Bush Administration. Howard said that it's a waste of taxpayer money and he'd rather get a tax cut or something like that instead of seeing that someone was paid to write an article to promote something that the Bush administration wants publicized. Robin said that when someone is paid to write stuff like that, it's considered propaganda.
Howard got off that subject because he knows that people want him to talk about penis and vagina. Robin asked him how Baby Spice was on the show yesterday. Howard said he got a lot of mail about the interview because Emma (Baby Spice) got kind of upset that Howard was being kind of rude to her. Gary came in and said that she was hot when she came in yesterday but she's not the same chick that's on the cover of her CD. Howard agreed and said that she's got long legs on the CD but she's really a short chick. He said she doesn't live up to the pictures so it doesn't work the way it's supposed to. Gary said that she was a tiny bit chunky when she came in. Howard said that's because your expectations are raised when you see her album cover. Howard read through some of the negative mail he got about Emma and the way he treated her. Some people think that he blew that interview by being so rude to her during the interview. Howard said he wasn't trying to be rude, he was just asking her the same questions he'd ask any guest. One guy sent Howard some pictures of someone that was supposed to be Emma making out with a chick but Howard couldn't tell if it was really her. Artie said she was visibly upset when she left yesterday. Artie also said that he was pretty rude to her himself.
Howard spent a lot of time talking about Johnny Carson and Jay Leno yesterday. He said he read that Jay got some huge ratings when he did the tribute to Johnny on Monday night. Howard pointed out that Johnny never mentioned Jay on his last show and Jay never mentioned Johnny on his first show taking over for Carson. Jay blames his manager Helen for all of that stuff and not taking the blame himself. Howard read some e-mail he got about the Carson and Leno stuff. Some people thought Howard was just being honest about that stuff and that's why people get upset with him. One guy said that he should check out the E! True Hollywood Story about Wayne Newton because he has some things to say about Carson doing gay jokes about him. The writer told Howard that Wayne went to Johnny and told him to stop or he'd punch his lights out. Carson blamed his writers but there were never anymore jokes about Wayne being gay. There were some people who didn't think that stuff was boring but there were some people who complained about the show sucking while he's doing that stuff.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who wondered why Howard has a hang up with black people. There were also people writing in about Chaunce Hayden and asking Howard to keep him off the show. Someone also picked up on the quick mention that Howard made about talking to Ashley Olsen. Howard said he'd get into that later in the show but there wasn't much of a story there. There were some people who were happy Robin wasn't on the show at all yesterday. Howard read some mail about his girlfriend's interview on the Donny Deutsch show the other day. Some people think that the guy was hitting on Beth but Howard saw it and didn't think that was the case.
Chaunce told Howard about some guy who was on Larry King talking about his ex-model wife who slept with a 14 year old kid. Howard's name was mentioned during that interview because Howard said something about how he would have loved to have had an older woman when he was 14 years old. At one point Chaunce used the word ''Demasculating'' so Howard and the guys picked up on that and goofed on him for a short time. Howard and Robin asked him to come up with the actual word but Chaunce didn't want to do that. Howard corrected him and said that it's emasculating. Chaunce said it was the fact that he'd just gotten out of bed a short time later. He also said that Howard screws up words when he's speaking as well. Gary told Chaunce that Howard doesn't edit a magazine though. A phone caller asked Howard to cut Chaunce off already because he's got no business being on the show. Howard cut Chaunce off a minute later.
A phone caller told Howard that he might be right about Carmen Electra possibly being pregnant. Howard noticed it the other day and thinks that she might be in the early stages of pregnancy. The caller said he saw the same thing and he must be right. Howard thinks that she's in her first trimester even though no one else has picked up on that. He had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard had this guy Ed on the phone. Ed told Howard that he was at home when he had a problem with a co-worker of his. He was on the phone with another sales rep from the office. He told his co-worker ''Don't treat me like a nig*er'' as he was talking to him and he ended up getting fired for that a few weeks later. Ed said that he's losing a 10 year career over that one word and he wasn't even at work when he said it. Howard pointed out that the guy was talking to this black guy from his home, outside of work. Neither of them were at work at the time but they were talking about work. The co-worker complained to the company and Ed ended up losing his job. Howard wondered if the company was right in firing him. Fred said that he thinks they did have a right because it was work related. Ed said that no one spoke to him when he went into work after that. The co-worker went to Human Resources and told on him. Ed said he apologized to the guy but the way he apologized wasn't exactly nice. He said he was sorry that a single word like that would offend him so much. Artie seemed to think that the company had the right to do what they did because the work environment could be considered hostile.
Robin asked Ed if he ever went to H.R. To find out what he could do to rectify the situation. Ed said he was called into HR the next day but that didn't help. Robin said she doesn't think that they should have fired the guy, they should have brought both of them into a room and teach them how to get along better. Gary asked Ed if he was ever warned about anything like that in the past. Ed said nothing like that happened before. He was never warned because he didn't do anything like that.
A phone caller claiming to be a lawyer said that the company didn't have the right to fire this guy over something that didn't happen at work. Another caller said that Ed should have just denied that the conversation ever happened. Ed said that's not the type of person he is and he just admitted to it. Howard said that it was something that happened outside of work so maybe he shouldn't have been fired. It was also a little harsh to fire him over one infraction. The guys asked Ed what it was that made him say that word. Ed didn't give all of the details but said that he used a word that he knew the guy would understand. Howard wanted to bail out on the call because Ed's phone connection sucked. He asked Ed to get a better phone before calling back.
Howard took a call from a guy who works in an H.R. department. He said that Ed shouldn't have been fired over that because he didn't call the guy the N-word, he asked him not to call him the N-word. There were some other callers who tried to give Ed some advice but the delay was hit on a guy who called himself Big Dick. Howard wished Ed luck with his case and wrapped up the call. A guy from Canada called in and said that he was using the N-word in front of his boss and didn't get fired. He claimed to be one of the few black guys up there in Canada. He did some of the Chris Rock material he was telling his boss but it was a really bad interpretation of Rock's stuff so Howard hung up on him.
Howard explained why Robin was out in Vegas yesterday. She was at the NATPE convention trying to sell her new TV show that's supposed to be coming out this fall. Howard was still thinking about Julie Chen and how he'd like to ''foul her up.'' Fred played some porn clips as he was talking about her. He got back to Robin and asked her how things went out in Vegas. Robin said that she had a bunch of meeting with station owners and station groups all day long. Howard has done that and he knows it's horrible. Robin said it wasn't ''horrible'' but it was tough work. Robin said some people asked her if Howard would be a guest on her show. Robin said that she would never have him on her show. It's her show, not Howard's. She said she was on the floor from 9:30 in the morning until 5 and she had meetings every 15 minutes. They got a bunch of commitments from stations but she doesn't know exactly how many markets she'll be in yet. She flew home in a private jet with two other people. Howard sounded surprised that Sony actually sent her a private jet.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said he heard that there was one network that was interested in Robin's show.. BET. Howard and the guys didn't think that was very funny and told him to get out of the studio. Howard wondered if Robin needs a certain number of commitments before the show gets picked up. Robin wasn't sure. She said the show is supposed to be ready to go in the fall of this year. Howard asked her if she ran into anyone famous out in Vegas. She said she was in the elevator with Tom Joyner. Howard went off on him saying that the guy is an ungrateful guy and goofed on him. Robin said he seemed like a nice guy to her. Robin didn't see anyone else out there while she was there.
Howard said that some people ask him if he wants Robin doing that show. He said that he doesn't have a problem with her doing it and any show that she doesn't have to work with Fred on is good for her. Howard told Robin about the fun they had yesterday playing clips of Joan Rivers crying about Johnny Carson. He had some other audio clips that he wanted to play including one where Heidi Klum talked about how Seal proposed to her by flying her in a helicopter to a glacier to propose to her... in an igloo. Howard said he thinks that marriage will last about 3 years. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard said that Sandra had one of these red Kabbalah strings on her hand so he asked her about that. Sandra said she's had that for about 10 years now and it's not like she's going out there promoting it. Howard said it's kind of funny how Madonna got into that stuff after Sandra did. Howard thought that Sandra had introduced her to the Kabbalah thing but Sandra said she did that second hand, it was another person who actually got her into it.
Howard asked Sandra about the whole Johnny Carson thing. Sandra didn't watch any of that stuff because it's all a sham. She said that Letterman was supposed to be Johnny's successor. Sandra said that Jay Leno still hasn't had her on his show since she revealed that she had gone out with him and got spanked by him many years ago. Sandra said that she should just suck it up and kiss his ass but she knows that he's not going to have her on his show. Howard told Sandra that he did a whole show bashing Jay about his Johnny Carson memorial show. Jay never acknowledged Carson when he took over The Tonight Show but he pretended like there was nothing wrong.
Sandra got in a plug for an appearance she's making tomorrow night at the Cro Bar with Nancy Sinatra. She said they're raising money for tsunami relief. Howard can't go to the concert because it's on a Thursday night. Artie reminded Howard that they can't go on Friday either because they have their Christmas party that night. That's right, Christmas in January. Sandra said she was surprised that Howard would go to the company party when he's bailing out of the company. Howard said he likes the people there and likes the company, he was already on his way out of there because of everything that's going on with the FCC.
Sandra is also appearing on ''The L Word'' which is a show about lesbians. Howard has seen the show and it's definitely ''whack material.'' Gary watches every episode and ends up going to the bathroom to finish himself off after watching it. Sandra is playing the part of a straight chick in the show though. Sandra said she's been in a relationship with someone for 5 years now and wouldn't fall for anyone on ''The L Word'' like Howard figured she would. She's raising her kid with the woman and the other woman may adopt the girl eventually. Sandra asked Howard how his relationship is going with his girlfriend and if she wants to have kids. Howard told her she doesn't want kids, they have a bulldog instead. Sandra said she used to raise bulldogs when she was a kid.
Howard told Sandra that he'd like to give her some man meat because she probably hasn't had it in a long time. Sandra said that it's possible that she's had guys over and she and her girlfriend might both do the guy. She said that they'll only do it when the kid is on a sleep over or something like that. Howard said if he goes over to her place and the kid is still there, he'll know that he's ugly and the girls won't want him.
Sandra told Howard that she's also appearing on ''Crossing Jordan'' so her career is going well. Howard read that when she was 19 years old, Arnold Schwarzenegger approached her on the beach. Sandra said no one knew who he was at the time and he just hung out with her for a short time. She said he didn't make a move on her but she probably could have persued it if she wanted to. Howard said he heard that Sandra had to get out of there by 8:30 so he had to wrap up the interview. Gary came in with a picture of Sandra and her girlfriend at a Knicks game. Howard said that the girlfriend is really cute. Sandra said they met when the girlfriend asked her to write an article for Harpers Baazar. Sandra said that she's not into the whole marriage thing so that probably won't be happening. She told Howard about her relationship with this woman and how she kind of converted her over. Sandra has met her girlfriend's parents and they're cool with their relationship. Howard tried digging a little deeper to find out how she made her first move. Sandra said they were both drunk that night and she asked the other woman to come home with her. Sandra said she really had to get going but Howard just wanted another 2 minutes. He kept digging to find out more about how she picked up this woman and how long their ''session'' went that night. Howard figured they could go for hours since there's really no end for them when they have sex. Howard said that he would pick up from this point and talk to her more about how Sandra and this other woman hooked up. He gave her a bunch of plugs for her stuff and then went to break. You can find out more about what Sandra is up to at SandraBernhard.com
Howard said that things were going to get uncomfortable in a minute. Patty Smyth was coming in and Howard knew that she was going to be pissed. She came walking in as Howard was talking about what went on. Patty said that she read some of Howard's comments on his web site and she was a little upset about how he said that her getting back together with Scandal was ''big in her world.'' Patty said that she and Howard really don't have a friendship. She realized that after all of this stuff started.
Howard explained how Gary got a call from Patty asking to come on the show. That week they had turned down Hall and Oates and Billy Idol. They weren't going to have Patty on but she didn't like being lumped into that group. Howard said that he and Patty like each other very much and even IM each other once in a while. She said she even ran with Howard once and almost died doing that. Howard played the message that Patty left on his voice mail. Patty said that they were turned down because they weren't in their demographic which she thought was a bunch of bull. She thought that she was either too old or that Howard was too big to have her on the show. Patty said that she didn't like the B.S. Story she was given and wanted to hear from Howard about what the real reason was. Patty didn't think that the message was all that ''blistering'' like Howard thought it was. Patty said that her feelings were hurt and that's what she was letting Howard know.
Howard told Patty that if he had her on the show, he would ask her about her husband, John McEnroe, and stuff like that. Patty said they always have fun when she's on the show and couldn't understand why they wouldn't have her on. Howard told her that Gary was trying to let her down easy, that's why they told her people that they were out of the demographics. Howard said that he's a fan of Scandal and he might even go see the band but he didn't want to tell Patty not to come on the show. They weren't trying to be mean, they were just trying to let them down easy. Patty said Howard should have called her himself if that was the case. Howard told Patty that calling him to get on the show puts him in a weird position.
Howard said that Patty looked good today and he was feeling bad about the whole thing. He said that he wasn't sure the audience would care that the band was getting back together and perhaps they could have them on at a future date or something. Patty said that's what she would have rather heard. She didn't like what she heard. Gary came in and defended himself telling Patty that last year they only had bands like Hoobastank and Good Charlotte on the show because they get calls from their program directors around the country when they have older bands on the show. Patty seems to think that they've become ''company guys'' over the past few years. Howard said they don't have a lot of bands come in to play these days. Things usually go all wrong and they've cut back on that stuff.
Howard and Patty went back and forth arguing about all of that stuff for a few minutes. Howard also brought up John McEnroe and asked her how he's doing . Patty said that he's doing well but he's home a bit too much so it's time for her to go out and tour. Howard gave her some plugs for the tour she's doing with the band. Artie jokingly told her that they had to rush through the interview because they had REO Speedwagon coming in to hang out during the news. Howard told Patty that she's a good friend and he would go to her funeral tomorrow if she dropped dead for some reason. He said he wouldn't do that for just anyone.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and tried to explain why this was a bad idea. Ralph said he likes Scandal but he could care less about them getting back together. Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy called in as ''fans'' and goofed on Patty a little bit. Richard called in asking to talk to Pat Benatar. Patty said that someone actually suggested that she cover a Pat Benatar song on the show today but that's not what she's going to do. Howard asked Patty to drop all of the negative feelings and that he was going to forgive her.
Patty was talking about how big her husband is in the pants but the delay button was hit a couple of times during that discussion. Patty said that he's always running after her trying to get her and that's why they have 6 kids. She was also talking about her sons and how they were kind of small when they were growing up but now it looks like they should be taking after their father. Howard had to wrap up the interview so he gave Patty some plugs for her upcoming gigs. Patty said that they're playing in Hartford, Connecticut this weekend but she wasn't sure what club they were going to be at. Artie guessed that it might be the Webster Theater but she wasn't sure if that was it or not. Howard went to break a short time later.
Later in the show Howard gave out Patty's upcoming dates that Patty didn't know:
Howard asked Robin if she's going to the Christmas party on Friday. Artie said he's going to skip that and go to the Super Bowl party in May. Howard said he wants to go to the party but Beth wondered if she's not invited. Howard said that technically she's not but he could probably bring her. The company didn't invite the spouses so it would be kind of awkward. Howard said he'll probably go for about an hour and then go out with Beth after the party. Robin said she didn't even know it was happening until yesterday so she hasn't even mentioned it to her boyfriend Mr. X yet. Howard said he was asked what songs he wanted to perform Karaoke to at the party. The company was going to try and get a band to play but that didn't work out so now they're going to be entertaining each other by doing Karaoke.
Howard saw that Britney Spears directed her latest video. She credits herself as 'Mona Lisa' and claims that it's her alter-ego that she's calling Mona Lisa. She does that because Mona is the mean side of her who gets to yell at people.
Howard had some audio from the Ellen Degeneres show where she played a video clip of her first appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Ellen said that she was the first female comedian to be asked to sit on the couch.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that there are no rumors about Craig Ferguson getting fired from his ''Late Late Show'' like he'd mentioned a little earlier while talking about the late night thing. Howard said he thought he'd heard a rumor about that but Vinnie said he was probably making it up in his head because he had nothing to say. Vinnie also talked about Jay Leno reading off cue cards the other night when he was doing his tribute to Johnny Carson on Monday night. Vinnie said that Dave (Letterman) won't be doing that when he returns on Monday. Letterman has been on vacation for the week.
Howard let Vinnie go and took another call from a guy who asked Howard if he thinks that people are going to sign up to get Sirius when he makes the move. The caller said that people are broke and won't be able to afford it. Howard said if they can't afford it then they won't get it. The guy said that being able to pay for cable is tough sometimes. The guy also asked Robin how she's going to keep her TV show going if she doesn't have any guests. Robin is going to show them how when she starts the show. The caller turned out to be Sean the White Rapper but Howard hung up on him as soon as he heard him.
Howard ended up asking Ralph about his Top 10 list of women who hit the wall in 2004. Ralph gave Howard a couple of the names and also threw in a couple of women who almost made it to the list. Ralph said that Shannon Dougherty and Courtney Love are on the list. Christina Aguilera and Russell Simmons wife came close to getting on the list. Howard told Ralph to call in tomorrow but Ralph threw in some more names that almost made it to the list. Rebecca Romijn came close but he thought about it a little more and she can fix her problems... like the fact that she's dating Jerry O'Connell. He said she's really not hot right now but she could bounce back. A caller told the guys to consider Tawny Kittaen because she hit the wall. Fred said that she may have hit the wall years ago, not just in 2004. Howard told Ralph to put his list in order and have it ready for tomorrow. He had Robin start her news a short time later. They played a new news theme song created by David Lee Roth impersonator Billy Mira.
During the news the guys got a hold of some old pictures of Donald Trump's wife Melania and she apparently didn't look too good back then. She's had some work done and looks pretty amazing these days. Howard said that plastic surgery can be good, the only reason it gets a bad rap is because some people go too far and turn into a mess. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:40 this morning.
Howard said that his head was killing him this morning. He went to the gym yesterday and his friend, who is also his trainer, was trying to have him do some new exercise that was kind of awkward and now the back of his skull hurts. He was on some ab wheel and doing some extra stuff with a ball between his legs. He thinks he wrenched his neck in some way and that's why he's in pain. Howard thought his head was going to fall off when he woke up this morning. Artie said that when he works out his ass always ends up hurting him.
Howard had a new Baba Booey song to play from the band The Stories. It's a remake of an old song that they're calling ''Brother Booey.'' The guy who performed the song is Ian Lloyd. He apparently came up to the studio recently and put the song together for them. Howard joked that Eric Clapton is now going to come up and perform some songs for them.
A listener called in and told Howard that he really doesn't know that many black people but he's been robbed twice in his life and both of the guys who robbed him were black. He said he's now going to start using the N-word because of that. The guy lives in Arizona and there are only like 6 black guys there. Howard asked him what he did to get robbed so much. He said that he was trying to buy some crack and the guy took off with his money. Howard hung up on the guy after talking to the guy for a minute.
Howard stayed up to watch American Idol last night and he's got to stop that. He talked about how they're still going through the auditioning process and he's going to have to bail out on it until they get to the actual competition. Howard said that Kenny Loggins looks like he's really ill when they show him on there. He also noticed that Simon and Kenny looked like they were ready to pounce on any hot chick that walked in the room during the auditions. Paula Abdul has been yelling at Simon and walking off the set so Howard thinks that it's all set up and not real. It's just a schtick. Howard played some clips from the show. There was one guy who sang some Neil Diamond song really bad. Howard said we've seen enough of that bad singing stuff already.
Howard said that Sylvester Stallone will be on the show soon. Nicole Richie is also supposed to be coming in as well. Robin wondered what's bringing Sylvester to the show. He's got a new TV show to promote and he knows that Howard's show can help it out. Robin said that if you're in the business long enough, you'll end up doing the Stern show. Howard told her that if she keeps talking like that she's going to scare him away from doing the show.
Howard mentioned that they had the inventor of this orgasm machine coming in today. He said they're going to have a bunch of girls and Robin try it out to see if it works. He said if it works on Robin, he knows it'll work on other women.
Howard read some of the other stuff that will be appearing on Page 69. There was a quick one about Doug Goodstein getting J.D. a rape whistle for Christmas. That led to the guys talking about J.D. getting his hair cut by his roommate because he can't afford a real hair cut. Robin said the one thing J.D. Had going for him was his hair and now he's ruined that. J.D. came in and said that the hair will grow back so it's not a big deal. Artie said he heard that J.D. Has a roommate who gets laid all the time and has to hear them doing it all the time. Artie told Howard about a really hot chick that came up to him one day and told him that she used to be roommates with J.D. When Artie mentioned her to J.D. He just mumbled something under his breath. J.D. explained what that was all about and Howard said that J.D. really does sound like that Napoleon Dynamite dude. He said he needs to get some clips to play on the air.
Howard got back to J.D.'s hair and told him not to let anyone mess with it when you have nice hair. He doesn't get guys who cut off all of their hair when they still have a head of hair. Howard also pointed out that J.D. Still hasn't gotten laid and the guy is 25 years old. Howard told him he should care. He said he's starting to get an attitude and he's speaking up these days. Howard and Artie were goofing on him about the t-shirts the guy wears to work. Gary said that one of the interns told him that she could hook J.D. up with some of her friends that would hook up with him. Gary told her that J.D. wouldn't just hook up with a chick just to sleep with her. Artie pointed out that the guy has been working for The Howard Stern Show for 2 years and that should have led to him getting laid. J.D. Said he almost got oral from a chick but she told him that they were ''incompatible'' and broke it off with him. Howard pointed out that Richard Christy and J.D. are both into porn and have shared some of the stuff that Richard has on his computer. Gary said that J.D. knows all of the porn star names. Richard Christy came in and said that he made a CD for J.D. yesterday with some of his favorite porn on it.
J.D. Said that the girl he was going out with did get into bed with him on the second date. He said she had to go to work the next day so she ended up leaving before they did anything. J.D. didn't get any pleasure from that night. Howard told him he should have been able to close the deal if he had her naked in bed. The girl told J.D. That she likes to go out and doesn't. That was one of the reasons she broke it off. Howard told J.D. That he should just lie about that stuff. Richard said that he's seen J.D. go out before and he even drank a little champagne one night. Gary asked J.D. what he does on a date. He did movie and a dinner on the first date, a Yankee game on the second and dinner on the third date. Howard said he wouldn't even waste his time with that. He'd just take the girl out for a quick bite and then tell her that he forgot something back at his apartment and take her back there. Then he'd end up turning on some music and start making out with her. Howard told J.D. He needs to find a nympho who goes to AA.
Howard took a call from a woman, Katie, who said that she would like to have sex with J.D. because she's a ''drunk nympho.'' Howard ended up asking her what she looks like and how much she weighs. She was 5'4'' tall and weighs 120 pounds. Howard said that's not bad for J.D. Katie also said she thinks she's a butterface but she's been told otherwise. Howard wanted J.D. To talk to the girl but he didn't know what to say. Howard said that J.D. is like Napoleon Dynamite and she said she loves that movie so that's why she called in. Howard asked Katie if she could make it to the city tomorrow. She said she couldn't so Howard offered to fly J.D. up to Albany where she lives. She said that if he does come up she won't be able to start the date until she gets off of work at about 1 in the morning. Howard wants to get her down there but she was already making excuses about coming down to the city. It turns out that the chick just wanted to get on the air because she likes Napoleon Dynamite. Howard told J.D. He was better off staying a virgin rather than going out with that chick. He hung up on her a short time later.
Artie said that J.D. is the reason there are whores out there. He could get laid if he just picked one up. Richard said that he tried to get J.D. To come out with him last week but he goes to bed really early. Richard hasn't had any luck getting laid since he started on the show either so he's still spending his nights with his porn collection. Howard went to commercial break after that discussion.
Howard brought up baseball player Mike Piazza who is getting married to a hot chick and now there's a battle going on between his fiancee and Chris Benson's wife, Anna. Howard said that Mike's fiancee has more credentials and has been on TV. Anna is just a former stripper.
Howard played some clips he had laying around. One clip was a prank call they made to an older woman using clips of Ed Torian asking questions during a lie detector test. Howard said he keeps hearing noises coming from somewhere but he couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Howard had the guys come and take the tape so they could see if that's where it was coming from.
Howard said that Gary was out on the street again this morning to try and get some women to come up to the studio to get naked. It didn't work the other day so they decided to try again today. Gary said they were going to start at $2,000 and work up from there and go as high as $7,000. Howard said that no girls went for it the other day when they tried it. Gary went up to a woman and tried to get her to come up. She ran off even after he offered her $7,000. Howard said that most women just don't care about doing that. Gary tried another woman and she didn't even answer him. Gary said that some people see a microphone and just freak out. He tried again but no one was around and the few women that did walk by were just ignoring him. Gary would say ''I want to give you $4,000... '' and they'd still just walk by. It was only about 9 degrees out on the street so people weren't looking to talk to someone on the street.
Gary found one woman who was willing to talk to him but she thought that it was a bit too much for her to do. She said that obviously they hadn't seen her naked and wouldn't want to. She turned down $7,000! Howard gave up and let Gary come back up to the studio.
Howard gave out the list of celebrities they're trying to get to call into the show by tomorrow. They have to call in for 7 minutes and the person who gets them to call in can win $25,000. The following people are eligible for the contest:
Howard said that he got some feedback about yesterday's show. One person wrote in about the Patty Smyth interview and said that she deserved to be on the show. There were other people who just wanted Patty to shut up and asked Howard to never have her on the show again. Howard got an e-mail from a guy who said he had a top 10 list of men who have hit the wall to match up to Ralph's top 10 list of women. The writer put Ralph's name on every number from 10 to 1. There was some e-mail feedback about the Chyna Doll E! show. People couldn't believe what they were seeing on the show. One guy said he didn't think it sounded all that crazy on the radio but it was a different story when she was on TV.
Howard said that he saw some preview pictures of Jillian Grace in the back of Playboy and she looked awesome. An e-mailer told Howard there was a picture in the magazine of her at the Playboy mansion hanging all over Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz. Howard heard that she's also broken up with her boyfriend, just like they predicted.
There was some feedback about the caller they had yesterday who was fired for using the N-word with a co-worker, while they weren't at work. Some people said that the guy shouldn't have been fired since he wasn't at work when he used that word. Howard also got some mail about Jay Leno and Johnny Carson. One guy pointed out that Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson went on the Arsenio Hall show and bad mouthed Jay about the way he handled the transition. There was another writer who said he's not going to follow Howard to satellite radio because of the comments he made about Johnny Carson. Howard had to go to break after that.
Some Scores girls came in to test the machine out for them. Howard said that the girls looked very good today. He talked to Irene who has been working at Scores for about a year. She had a little bit of a Russian accent but claimed to be from Brooklyn. She said she moved over from Russia about 20 years ago. Howard spoke to Siobhan next. She said that she's only 21 years old and came down from the Boston area to New York City. Howard noticed she had a tongue ring and said that he's never experienced that. She said there's really no difference but guys are drawn to it. Gary asked her how she got into the business. She said it just kind of happened. She was drawn to New York City and she ended up getting into stripping. She says she doesn't have a boyfriend because she's too young for that. She dates a lot of guys instead. Howard moved on to Greta who was also there to test out the orgasm machine. Howard asked her when she last had sex. It was 3 days ago so Howard talked to her about that for a few seconds.
Howard asked Irene and Siobhan to get on this orgasm machine in bare feet. Gary said it would be better if they were completely naked. Howard told them they could take off whatever they wanted. Michael had them step on the machine and turn it on. It was vibrating the whole floor of the studio. The girls weren't really getting orgasmic from it. They could feel the vibration all over but it wasn't doing anything for them. Siobhan was starting to get a little tingly after a couple of minutes. She was working into it but Irene wasn't feeling it. Michael had the girls step off and sit down on it instead. He turned it back on and the girls were liking that. Greta tried it out and thought it was a little too rough. Michael said that he would have coin operated machines coming out next month. Howard said that they weren't getting off on that stuff though so who is going to put coins in a machine that does nothing for them. Howard thought something was going on with Irene but she said it was just vibrating her whole body too hard. Greta said it was too much for her as well. Howard told Michael that he looked like a mad professor.
All of the Scores girls were from the East Side Scores for those of you who want to see them live at the strip club. Howard took a call from a woman who said the thing sounded pretty weird and was making all kinds of weird noises. Howard said he'd like to be able to plug the machine but it wasn't giving anyone pleasure. Michael said that it can be used for therapy so it's not just for orgasms. Check it out at ViboPad.com. You can also check out ScoresNY.com to find out more about the clubs.
Ralph had another list he was working on for women who are close to hitting the wall. The list included...
Ralph had another list he was working on that features women who have been called ''hot'' even though they don't deserve it. Some of the women he and Howard came up for that list included:
Craig told a story about how he prank called Lars Ulrich from Metallica on a radio show and had him convinced that he was talking to Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons from KISS. Craig said the guys called him after that and had him open up for them this summer.
Howard had a woman, Jennifer, on the phone who claimed to have dated Craig for a while last summer. Craig said he met her at a comedy gig out in California. Jennifer said that Gary knew her and told her that if she ever went out with Craig, he'd never talk to her again. He warned her not to go out with him because there were a lot of stories floating around about him dating interns and stuff. Craig said he got her phone number that night and they talked a few times after that. Jennifer said she went to pick him up from a friend's house and he'd fallen asleep and didn't come out for about 20 minutes. Gary said she left out the part that she had to drive 2 hours to pick him up. Howard thought that meant that Craig wasn't that into her. Craig said that she was really cool when he talked to her. Craig said he couldn't remember if he got her on the first date. Howard said he must be a busy guy if he can't remember that. Jennifer said that she thinks he did get her that first night. She said she had fun with him but he didn't ''rock her world.'' Craig said she was really into the Stern show a lot and it got to the point where she asked him if he'd bring her up to the studio if she made it to New York. Jennifer said was a huge fan of the show and of Craig's and she's glad she got to date him.
Craig stopped calling her and she got worried that something had happened to him so she kept calling him. Craig said that's what guys do sometimes and he didn't have an explanation for it. Gary said they went on a date one time and Craig got arrested on a DUI charge. Craig said the car he was driving was hers and it got impounded. This was on their second date. Craig ended up in a jail in South Central Los Angeles, not far from Compton. He stayed there over night and Jennifer had to come pick him up the next day. Craig thought the whole Howard Stern thing got a little weird for him so that's why he stopped calling. Craig said she was a very attractive woman. Howard wanted to see a picture of her but no one had any to show him.
Gary said Craig had a cool move. He said that he was going to bring her to see a friend who's in a band and ended up bringing her to the Leno Show to introduce her to Mark McGrath and Sugar Ray. Howard wondered if Jennifer would have done Gary over Craig. Artie asked where he was in that list as well. She said that she would pick Artie first, then Gary and then Craig because he didn't call her back. Craig went on to explain how the cop tried to trick him into taking a breathalyzer test. He refused to take it so the cop arrested him anyway. Craig said he ended up in a cell with 3 black guys. He said he sometimes talks to himself in his sleep and the next morning he woke up saying ''I want a puppy!''
Howard asked Jennifer about how she looks. She said she's 5'7'' tall and weighs 120 pounds. Craig said she was good looking and had a nice chest. She says she doesn't have any implants and she's about a C-cup. Howard told her that she's better off without Craig anyway. He let her go a short time later. Howard gave Craig a couple of plugs and had Robin start her news.
Artie cracked a joke about how he'll have to go out and get something to eat after the Christmas party because they never have enough food. Tom came back in and said that they will have plenty of food there and the food is very good at this place they're going to. He said he didn't want to mention where they were going before the party though.
Double A called in and told Howard that he's going down to The Borgata Casino in Atlantic City this weekend and he thinks that he could get J.D. laid down there if he goes along. J.D. came in and said that he'd think about it. He might have plans. Double A said there are a ton of hot chicks down there all the time. Howard told J.D. That he'd hook him up with him if he wanted. Double A said he's guaranteed to get laid down there. Howard left it up to J.D. and had Robin get back to her news. Craig was having fun doing some of his voices during the news. He had Howard laughing at Gary a few times. Craig thanked Howard for his career. He said he'll never forget the first day he was on the show. It was like Carson calling him over to the couch. Howard ended the show around 10:20 this morning.
Howard started off the show talking about the guests he had coming up. Jimmy Kimmel is coming in and his biggest fan is going to be there to meet him. They'll be playing Win Fred's Money and a woman will get naked down to her panties if she loses. Tabitha Stevens and Marty the Midget would be in as well. Howard said Marty is in the Comedy Central movie ''Knee High P.I.'' on Comedy Central. Howard said he loves that show but Artie corrected him and said that it's actually a movie. Sylvester Stallone will be coming in soon, but not today.
Howard also announced that today was the final day for the $25,000 contest they have running this week. Any of the following celebrities that call in can win $25,000:
Howard said that you have to check out his web site's ''Page 69'' which is new for the week. Robin asked why people have to register for certain parts of the web site. Howard said that's stuff left over from his bulletin board. Howard wasn't aware the Vagina Corner was part of that. Jason came in and explained that to Howard and Robin since even Howard didn't seem to be aware of what was going on with his web site.
Howard said he managed to work in some sex with his girlfriend. He was kind of ''out of sorts'' when he got home and managed to get Beth to have sex with him. Their dog followed them in as well so she laid down and watched. Beth had just gotten out of the shower so it was good timing for Howard. Artie said his girlfriend's dog is always there when they're messing around as well.
Howard said he had a guy from Treo come over to show him the new Treo 650 phone. He said he's got to get one. He said it uses blue tooth technology so he doesn't even have to hold the phone. Now he can walk down the street talking to himself like the other people out there. Artie said he's able to wait until he gets home to make a phone call. Robin said she's seen people who can't wait to get off the airplane just to call someone to tell them that they're getting their luggage. Howard said that two days ago he didn't need the phone, now he needs it for that wireless technology.
Howard said he wants to go out and get some new sunglasses because the Serengetit's that he's gotten compliments on are a problem with the headphones he wears in the studio. He said the headphones push on the glasses and hurt his ears. His regular glasses are fine and he doesn't have that problem. Some people have suggested that Howard get headphones that just go in his ears but he's not sure he wants to do that. He thought that it might be nice to do that because they are shooting a TV show. Howard isn't sure what's going to happen with the E! show when he moves to Sirius. He doesn't know if they'll still be on that channel or not. Howard heard that E! didn't mention his show out at the NATPE convention this week even though his show is the number 1 show on the network.
In the article Howard said that they also talk about how Mancow thinks that he's going to be his successor. Howard said there will be a lot of people trying to take his place. There are already people going nuts and getting themselves fired by trying to be outrageous. That led to Howard talking about how much they're editing out of his show these days and how much they've had to change the show over standards that no one has tested yet.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he loves the ''Page 69'' stuff on Howard's site. Howard said they have a story about Ronnie the Limo Driver on that page. Ronnie the Limo Driver had locked the keys to the limo, inside the car. Howard had to take a cab instead. Howard said that Robin was heading the other way so he had to figure out a different way to get home. Ronnie told Howard that he had OnStar and they were supposed to be able to unlock the car for him but it was inside a garage. Howard said they were there for hours waiting to get the car unlocked. There are some other stories on Page 69. The caller told Howard that they have a good team over there with ''Scott the Stockbroker and Richard Christine'' there. Artie said he'd make sure to let ''Scott the Stockbroker'' know that... Howard had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard thought Jimmy was wearing something on his lips but Jimmy told him it was just spit. He joked that he kissed High Pitch Erik on his way in. Howard told him that Erik is his ''biggest fan'' that he was talking about earlier in the morning. He thought they were going to keep Erik away from Jimmy but that didn't work out. Howard asked Jimmy about the new late night guy Craig Ferguson. Jimmy joked that he doesn't like any foreigners but he also said he has watched that guy and he's not all that bad. Howard asked Jimmy about his girlfriend Sarah Silverman and how that relationship is going. Jimmy is still in the process of getting a divorce so he can't marry Sarah. Jimmy blamed the lawyers for all of that and said that they've made a lot of money off of his divorce already.
Howard brought up American Idol and ended up playing some audio from the show that aired earlier this week. He said the guy who came in and started rambling unintelligibly, Leroy Wells, was his worst nightmare as a kid. He found out that the guy was just arrested recently for some reason and had to watch American Idol from a jail cell. Howard said his guys took some clips from that show and tried to prank call a place using those clips. They had clips of the guy saying ''Can you dig it'' while the guy on the phone was trying to take his chicken order. Howard said they're going to try and work him into some other things as well. Howard read the article about Leroy that said he was in jail for failing to show up for court on charges that he shot someone in the hip earlier in the month.
Howard asked Jimmy where his tribute to Johnny Carson was. Jimmy said they have been in reruns this week and he has no plans to do a tribute to the guy when he returns. He's not going to do a phony tribute like Jay Leno did. Joan Rivers is still going around doing interviews about Johnny Carson and she hated the guy. She's going on shows and crying about it all. Howard had some audio of Joan crying on Good Morning America so he played that for Jimmy. Joan talked about Johnny and how she got her job working with him. She talked about how she got to host the show on Monday nights for a while and then got her own show that competed against his show. Johnny stopped talking to her after that and she seemed surprised for some reason. Joan started to cry as she was talking about how Johnny didn't talk to her for 17 years. Fred was doing an impression of Joan while they were playing the clips and goofing on her quite a bit. Jimmy wondered who his Judas would be after hearing that. Howard said it'll probably be Sarah Silverman.
A phone caller told Howard that he's buying a new car soon and the car company has a deal with a certain company so he'll have that when he gets his car. They were calling it ''Uh UHHHH uhh'' as a code word since Howard isn't supposed to mention Sirius on the show. Howard had to get out of that call and talk about how Adam Carolla has signed up to do a late night show that may compete against Jimmy's show. Jimmy said that it's just a pilot and they don't know what time it's going to air yet. Howard had to take a break after that.
Jimmy told Howard that this might be the last time he's in that filthy studio of his. He doesn't make it out to New York very often and Howard may be in the new place the next time he's there. Howard went on to talk about what a mess that place is. Robin said the station looks like a place that's going out of business or something. Gary came in and told Howard about how much of a mess the bathrooms are there at the station. He said people pee on the seats of the toilets and then they leave big deposits in the toilets and stuff like that. Howard said the bathroom is really just vile and they really need to build one with a window in it. Gary said that even the faucets are a mess and one of them sprays you when you turn it on. Artie said that it's funny working there because there are some professional businesses there and they clash with them sometimes. A couple of weeks ago Artie was checking in and there was a really professional looking guy checking in and High Pitch Erik yelled out ''Hey Artie! I'm in a thong!'' which horrified the guy standing next to Artie.
Jimmy is in town to fill in for Regis Philbin with Kelly Ripa. Howard sounded pretty surprised by that and ended up talking to Jimmy about how much he likes Kelly. Howard and Jimmy spent a couple of minutes talking about how cute Kelly is and how they'd like to bang her. Gary told Howard that there's a shot of Kelly with some major Camel Toe from a halloween show they did. She was wearing spandex pants that day and when she bent down, they got really tight and showed the toe. Howard asked Jimmy if he's thought about what he's going to talk about on the show today. Jimmy said he really hasn't thought about it yet. He said he may just make fun of Regis since he's not there today.
High Pitch Erik was there to see Jimmy so Howard let him come in. Erik had his shirt off when he came in. He showed off his new ''True Player'' tattoo. Howard said that Erik prank calls Jimmy all the time. Howard asked Jimmy if he's seen what Erik does when people put fish near Erik. Erik heard that and ran over to the door to lock people out. Gary said that Erik seemed to get super human strength when he heard that they were going to bring fish in. Erik ran out to the green room, almost in tears.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard about going to a party last night. He didn't get his story out because High Pitch Erik came back in. Erik said that his heart was beating really fast and he was breathing heavy into the microphone. Erik told Jimmy that he had some show ideas for his show and told him he'd like to be the announcer for his show. Gary said that Erik's gums were bloody as he was talking to them. He was still sitting out in the green room trying to relax after his fish experience so Howard just cut him off and got back to Chaunce Hayden. Chaunce said he was talking to Robert De Niro last night at this party and he thought that he looked a lot older than he really is. He said he looked like he was 85 years old even though he's just in his 60s. Chaunce said that he shook his hand and he shook it like a girl. Howard said that's probably because he didn't want to shake his hand. Howard had to bail out on the conversation after Chaunce claimed that Cathy Moriarty from Raging Bull still looks amazing.
Bong Hit Eric called in and told Howard that Regis is on vacation with Donald Trump, that's why he's not on his show this week. Howard said it's kind of sad the way Trump likes to hang out with celebrities. Eric asked Jimmy about smoking pot and then told a story about how he was out at 7/11 the other day and ended up getting locked out of his car because his dog stepped on his door lock button. He had to walk home and break into his house to get his spare keys. Jimmy had to get going after that. He had to go co-host the Regis and Kelly show. Howard took another commercial break right after that.
Howard read some e-mail about Craig Gass' Al Pacino impression. Someone actually thought it was really Al and did't like the way Howard treated him. Another writer complained about the Artie Lange DVD ''It's the Whisky Talkin'' back in December and hasn't gotten it yet. Artie apologized and said he doesn't know what happened. Howard read another e-mail about how Britney Spears should have been on Ralph's top 10 list of women who have hit the wall. Jillian Barberie, Kylie Minogue and Kirsten Dunst were also mentioned by a couple of other people. Someone wrote in and said that they think Fred's impression of Joan Rivers should take over for Artie's ''Wah Wah'' bit. There were also reports that Howard's San Jose radio station cut out the whole ViboPad bit that they did on the show yesterday. They just went to commercial instead.
Howard ended up talking about watching Smallville the other night and how his girlfriend thinks that the guy who plays Clark Kent is hot. Robin said she thinks he's so hot that she'd like to melt herself and pour herself all over him.
Howard sent Fred into Robins' booth so they could play Win Fred's Money. Howard also had Alex get behind a shower curtain and get naked to play the game. If she loses, they drop the curtain and see her naked (except for her panties). If she wins, she doesn't have to do that. Alex has to answer 7 questions. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Gary came in and gave Howard some information on the ratings that the Kudlow and Kramer show gets. It's about 172,000 according to the ratings information he had. Howard wanted to hear the host of the show talking about what a ''great man'' Powell is. Howard wondered how the guy could gush over Powell for that long and not ask him any controversial questions. Howard bailed out on that so he could talk to Marty the Midget.
Marty said that he has an 8 year old son and he just started to outgrow him this past Christmas. Howard said that Marty was in the Comedy Central move ''Knee High P.I.'' and it was pretty funny. He also heard that Marty wasn't allowed at the Playboy mansion anymore because they have Verne Troyer there. Marty said he doesn't care because he's got Scores. Howard asked Marty about how he has sex but the delay was hit a few times during that discussion.
Howard had porn star Tabitha Stevens come in so he could talk to her as well. Howard asked her if she'd ever do a little person. Tabitha wasn't sure but she did help out a guy who was in a wheel chair. Howard wanted to talk to Tabitha about a voice mail message she left for Gary the other day. Howard played the audio from that message and Tabitha was crying about something and said she wasn't going to call the show anymore. She was talking about how she doesn't want to get married and her whole career is crazy right now. She thought that she was letting them down because she said yes to the guy who asked her to marry him on the air. She was sobbing and asked them to help her through all of this stuff. She apologized and said she wasn't going to bother them anymore. Gary said that she thinks they're upset with her but they're really not. Tabitha said she was only dating this guy for a couple of months when he asked her to marry him. Howard and Artie let her know that they don't care either way if she gets married or not. Tabitha told them that she asked her fiancee what he would of said if she'd said ''no'' ot him on the air. She claims that he said he would have said ''Well you're not worth it anyway.'' She said that really hurt and she's not going to marry the guy now. Tabitha said the guy may have used her to get on Howard's show. She was thinking that Howard wouldn't want to see her on the show anymore if she let them down by not getting married. Robin told her that she can run her life the way she wants and they'll always want her to come on the show.
Tabitha got Howard a beautiful pen for Christmas and thought that it was worth a lot of money. He looked it up on the web and found out it was worth about $40. He said he didn't like it as much when he found out it wasn't worth anything. Tabitha said that she paid over $300 for the pen. Howard said he's been using the pen every day now and he likes it no matter what it's cost was.
Robin asked Tabitha not to get anymore surgery done but she's got more stuff coming up soon. Howard asked her what she's got planned but she said she can't say because it's being done for the E! channel. Howard told her not to do it no matter what it is. She said it has something to do with her ''lower regions.'' Howard had Tabitha show Marty her body because there wasn't an ounce of fat on her. She has a perfect body according to Howard. Tabitha invited Marty to squeeze her boobs. She also demonstrated that she was lactating even though she's not pregnant. She said that she's been able to do that forever. Howard wondered if it was silicone squirting out or something.
Howard gave Tabitha a plug for her web site TabithaStevens.com and a plug for Marty's web site MartinKlebba.com. Marty told Howard that he should have picked up his ''Knee High P.I.'' show because Comedy Central dropped the ball on it and put the show up against some baseball games and CSI and there's no way they could compete against that. Howard had to take a commercial break after that.
Howard had Mike get to his game after their relationship talk. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
High Pitch Erik called in during the news to complain about Ronnie the Limo Driver yelling at him when he was there. He said that he stepped on Ronnie's foot when he ran out of the studio and Ronnie got pissed. Howard ended up hanging up on Erik after saying that he lives in a really weird world. Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:20am.