Howard and the rest of the guys returned live today after a 2 week long summer vacation. Howard started off the show saying that his equipment sounded good for some reason and maybe they worked on it while he was away. Robin said he was sounding good today after he told her that he didn't exercise for two weeks and he wasn't worn out this morning. He said he was sick the first week of his vacation with a cold. He said he'd rather be sick on vacation than sick on the air. He and Robin then talked about how cool it was during their vacation over the past couple of weeks.
Howard stayed out in The Hamptons during his vacation and talked about running into Fred at dinner one night out there. They just said hello to each other and went their separate ways. Howard had some bad experiences out in The Hamptons but he wasn't sure if he could talk about them before calming himself down first. He said that he has to calm down before he can talk about it rationally.
Howard told Robin about how he tried to have Gary out there to visit but he was busy the whole time. He said a few people celebrated a birthdays over the vacation as well. KC, Fred and Anne Marie all celebrated their birthdays over vacation.
Howard has been reading a book lately that Fred might like. It's a book by Jacob Slichter, the drummer from the band Semisonic, called ''So You Wanna Be a Rock & Roll Star: How I Machine-Gunned a Roomful of Record Executives and Other True Tales from a Drummer's Life'' and it's a really interesting read to him. He said the guy might be talking about him in the book but he doesn't mention him by name. He said the book is really interesting and funny and he can't put it down.
Howard said he got wood the other day while walking down the street in The Hamptons. He wondered if the other guys have ever gotten wood in strange places. Artie said he's gotten wood at a baseball game. Howard then went on to talk about how he was just walking down the street with Beth when he sported the wood. He said he had to cover up his wood with the shopping bag he was carrying. He had to ask Beth not to talk to him or touch him and he'd be fine. He said he's really turned on by her and her voice so he had to avoid that to get his wood to go away. Howard told the guys that he gets horny during the show all the time and he's constantly squeezing and manipulating himself throughout the show. Gary came in and asked if he's kidding when he talks about being aroused during the show all the time. Howard said he's not kidding and he's always got wood while he's doing it.
Howard was talking about how he would have to hunch over like the hunchback of Notre Dame when he was in high school and had to go up to the blackboard in class with a boner. He cut himself off a short time later and made a big deal out of the fact that he's back in a bunch of markets that he was taken off in a few months ago. He had Fred playing some special music to make the announcements but got sidetracked when he played some super hero music and started talking like he was Fart Man. He talked about how great that movie would have done if he had ever completed it. He said all of these super hero movies are doing really well and that one would have been great as well. He and Artie created a new script called Doody Man where Howard was the super hero and Artie was playing the part of Commissioner Takei.
Howard had to take a break before mentioning all of the new markets. Artie mentioned that Pittsburgh was back with them so Howard took a call from someone from another market, San Diego, where they were back on. Howard asked the caller what it was like when he woke up one morning and he was gone. The guy said it really sucked but now they're back on a classic rock station on 103.7 in San Diego. Howard talked about how he likes the classic rock thing and mentioned Prince and how back in the 80's he used to dress kind of oddly but he was a great performer. He also said he was a great singer, guitar player and song writer and may have been better at playing guitar then Eric Clapton. Fred wasn't so sure about that but did agree that he was a great performer.
Howard mentioned that Prince is now wearing suits and stuff trying to be a little more masculine these days. The guys also talked about Clapton a little more and some of the lame songs he has done over the years. Fred mentioned there was a period where he only did boring country songs. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes on that and then got back to the phones.
A guy from Pittsburgh called in and told Howard that it's been a long time since he heard the show and he's glad he's back. Howard mentioned some of the other places they're on in starting today including...
The board went up the Friday before they went on vacation and it crashed the 3 servers they had at Dreamtank. He said they thought they had it covered with the 3 servers but it wasn't nearly enough. Within the first 5 minutes they had 40,000 people registered but 100,000 were waiting to get in. One server was ''fried'' according to Howard. They had to shut down the other two. Then he was able to just go on by himself to see what people had posted. He said it was pretty brutal because it was a lot of posts about how ugly Beth is and how she's a horse face and stuff like that. There's also a lot of stuff about Howard and his kids and people are really vicious. He foots the bill for the bulletin board and all of these people bash him. Gary came in and said he saw some of the avatars that people have are brutal as well. He saw one posting from a Lucas Dell'Abate who had a picture of a monkey wearing a hat as an avatar. Howard said some of the avatars are funny and it's like a TV show.
Howard said that he was told he has to invest about $500,000 in equipment to get something like this up to where it needs to be. He was thinking of getting a sponsor to help out with the costs and then someone suggested that they could charge a dollar for people to join. He said no one knows how to deal with it right now because it's so busy.
They eventually decided to just let in about 500 people at a time. It's like a hot club in the City where only a certain number of people are allowed in. They still had a bunch of people trying to register so they had to cut that off and only let people register after 10pm. Howard said he was on with Daniel Carver for a while one day along with a bunch of other people from the show. Robin tried to get in and post some stuff but she had some problems getting it to work for her.
Howard said he leased a bunch of new servers which cost him quite a bit of money. As of today they can handle about 5,000 or 10,000 people at a time. He said it turns into a chat room because there are so many questions flying at the same time when he logs in. He talked about some of the people who post in there like Chaunce Hayden, High Pitch Erik, Ross Zapin and others. Scott the Engineer was forgotten again and didn't get an orange name like the rest of the crew have. Robin said that she heard that Scott is upset that Howard is in Yellow and the rest of the people on the show are in orange letters. Scott believes that the Wack Pack members should be in a different color. Howard thinks that should be the case as well. They're still working on that stuff though.
Howard said a lot of people are wondering where Artie is and why he isn't posting. He said that one guy is on there as ''Artie's Dead Dad'' and he has a picture of a guy fixing an antenna on a roof. That's how Artie's dad died so it's pretty brutal. Scott and Howard told Artie about some of the other names that they use on there. They have a ton of Artie's... (fill in the blank) names on the boards. They have some funny ones about Beth and others and Beth refuses to go on anymore. Howard said it is so brutal in there that she just can't take it.
People have been posting some stuff about changing Best Of Stern that he passed along to Gary. He said they really need some moderators to clear out some of the posts that go no where. There's a lot of stuff to go through.
Howard said that his dog got Lyme Disease over vacation and it was pretty bad. He said that he posted something about that on the site and a lot of people called him a homo and went off on him about that. Vinnie Favale called in and said that Joey Boots got kicked off the boards as a moderator for some reason. Vinnie said that they had to take away a lot of moderator responsibilities from a lot of people because of the stuff they were posting. Vinnie said that Joey was posting pictures on the boards that was slowing down the process. That's when they had to take away his responsibilities.
Joey Boots called in and said he can't leave his house because he just sits there in front of his computer, drinks and smokes weed while he's there. Joey said that people hate him on the boards and he loves it. Howard cut him and Vinnie Favale off and said that he has some great entries for the ''Restless, Restless'' song contest. He said that William Shatner and Robert Goulet both sent in entries for the contest. Robin couldn't believe it but he swore to her that they really did that.
A phone caller told Robin that Scott the Engineer posted some stuff about her on the bulletin board. He was calling her a bitch and some other stuff. Scott came in and said that was true because people were asking him about her dissing him for Howard's birthday party.
One caller told Howard that he could start an internet ranch for kids to raise money for the bulletin board. Howard said that he had to take another break after that. He said the breaks break his train of thought on what he's talking about. He went to break a short time later and said they had a ton of other stuff to talk about.
Howard said that Clear Channel threatened to sue him if he went on in those markets but he says that his contract said that he can go back on after 30 days of being off the air with them. They could still try to sue him but Howard seems to think it would be a big waste of money on their part if they did that. He ended up talking about how weird it was that Infinity wasn't going to put him back on in those markets until his agent sat down and spoke with them. He talked about the package they put together including those 5 Clear Channel markets and the 4 other new markets.
Howard got a little sidetracked again when he talked about how this Semisonic drummer's book ''So You Wanna Be a Rock & Roll Star: How I Machine-Gunned a Roomful of Record Executives and Other True Tales from a Drummer's Life'' points out how all of the radio deejays out there are a bunch of idiots. He said he thinks that even he is mentioned in the book as being one of those idiots but he doesn't care because the book is funny.
Viacom is still under fire for the Janet Jackson thing and they have more fines coming down on his show for stuff that happened years ago. Howard said that Michael Powell is making it his mission to get him off the air and now they're going back and filing complaints from years ago. There's one lawyer down in Florida who is sending letters to the FCC complaining and they're going to keep fining him. There's no other show that the FCC is going back in time to look at, just his. They have a couple of fines coming up that should equal about $4 million or so but Viacom is going to fight them.
Howard believes that John Kerry could be just as much of a problem if he gets in office but anything is better than Bush. A listener called in and said that Howard sounds like a whining cry baby to him with these complaints about George W going after him with the FCC. Howard said that he doesn't think that Bush has a personal vendetta against him.
One guy got both William Shatner and Robert Goulet to perform the versions that he wrote for them. The guy who sent in the entries is the guy competing for the money. Howard said that Shatner took the song and did with it what he wanted to. He saw it as a Mamba so he that's how he performed it. Howard played a few seconds of that and then played the Robert Goulet version.
Gary said that he had to spend 15 minutes explaining to Jason who this guy Robert Goulet was. Howard gave his own explanation and then played his version of the song. Goulet rambled about what a fan of Howard's he is and then performed the song. He didn't remember that he had been on the show one time. Goulet performed a jazzy version of the song that Howard seemed to really like. He said he was even better than he thought. Robin loved it and Artie said he thinks they had a winner there. Fred said he thought it was awesome as well. Howard continued to play the rest of the song and made it to the end. There was applause from the guys in the studio.
Howard had a bunch of other entries from fans who sent in their versions of the song. They're going to pick a bunch of finalists and bring them in to perform. One entry was from a guy who got a couple of retards to read the lyrics. There were a couple of other entries from people who created all kinds of different covers of the song. It ranged from country to rap to heavy metal. He played one country version that he played a few weeks ago. The guys all thought that should be one of the finalists. They were also thinking that the Robert Goulet version and the retards should be in the final 3.
Howard played very short clips of a bunch of other entries as well. Robin was into hearing more and more of them so Howard kept going. The variety of songs was impressive. There were blues versions, classic rock, polka, Hawaiian, soul and just about every other genre of music included in the clips he played. He said that all of the songs he was playing were finalists in the contest. They have to pick 3 out of all of them to hold the final contest.
Howard changed subjects and brought up an interview he saw with Halle Berry's ex Eric Benet. He said that the guy was claiming that he's not a sex addict but he did have sexual contact with some other women while he was married to Halle. Artie and Howard were goofing on him a little bit but they had more ''Restless, Restless'' song parodies to play.
Howard whipped through the rest of the songs including one from Mariann from Brooklyn. She just read the lines in a monotone voice. There were some more country-like entries, a Talking Heads-like version as well as Vinnie Favale's own new version of the song. This time they went into a studio and fully produced it. Howard said that he told Vinnie it wasn't all that great but it started off okay. It went all wrong when they got to the ''What's his name'' part of the song. Howard congratulated everyone who ''polished the turd'' of ''Restless, Restless'' and said that 3 of the entrants will be invited down to compete for the grand prize in the contest sometime soon. He had to go to break shortly after that.
Howard said he asked the crew to record short clips of what they did on their vacation and KC did one. He then played a bit that Richard Christy put together where it sounded like he was doing a lot of gay stuff, having sex with guys and crap like that.
Howard took a call from a guy down in Tampa who like the Vinnie Favale song contest. A guy from Houston said that they have a Howard Stern look alike contest going on down there.
A woman called in and told Howard about her experiences going to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' and how a friend of hers who is in the military was converted after seeing it. That led to Howard talking about a conversation he had with a woman who is still for Bush. He said that he talked to this person, who will remain nameless, about how she's against abortion and she thinks that Kerry is kind of ''wishy washy.'' He said that if she doesn't want an abortion then she doesn't have to get one and she should let people decide for themselves. He spent a couple more minutes on that and moved on to other stuff.
Howard said that he's really not into fireworks like a lot of people are. He could see the fireworks outside his window on the Fourth of July but he realized that he hates them. He said that watching them on TV is one thing but 1010 WINS, a radio station in New York City, was bragging that they were the only station carrying the fireworks on radio. He goofed on that for a few seconds and then talked about how Slimfast dropped Whoopi Goldberg as a spokesperson after she made fun of President Bush. Robin thought that they were big Bush supporters but Howard said they're actually Kerry supporters and they just didn't want to deal with the e-mail they were getting about her comments. Howard can't believe that they bowed down to that crap and dumped her.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Martha Stewart and her sentencing. He then mentioned that former Senator Alfonse D'Amato got married on Sunday. Howard was supposed to go to the wedding but it was late on Sunday and he had to come to work this morning. He wasn't able to make it there.
Howard said that in a month he wants to do a test. He wants to get dressed in an elaborate outfit and be put on display so people can come and look at him. He doesn't want people to touch him though. Andy suggested that he just give people the finger for a second when they come up to him. Howard said he doesn't want it to be hostile though so he won't do anything like that. He went on to read more about this woman Ama and the people who go to visit her. Andy said there were a lot of hot women everywhere at the gathering.
Howard asked Andy if she ever tried to lift his wallet from him while she was hugging him. Andy seemed to find that pretty funny and laughed pretty hard when he asked the question. Howard figures there has to be some kind of money making going on with that so lifting wallets would be one way to do it.
Howard and Andy continued to goof around with the whole Ama thing. There are people who go to her thinking that they can be cured by this woman but her people say that she makes no claims of being a healer. Andy remembered how they really made money for this woman. They were selling stuff at the gathering. He said they had beads that they were selling. There were some other things they were selling as well but Andy didn't say what they were. Howard couldn't picture Andy going to something like that to get a hug from this woman. Andy said that he has been spiritual in the past and has tried Transcendental Meditation.
Howard told Andy that he has been doing TM since he was 18 years old. Robin has also been doing it for a while. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and got back to this Ama woman. He read more of the article he had. The writer told the story about waiting in line to get the hug and how that went. The woman gives out Hershey Kiss candies and other things when people get the hugs.
Andy said he was very confused and nervous when he got up there to hug this woman. Howard joked that he slipped his hand and used his finger on her. Andy thought that was pretty funny.
Howard and Andy moved on to other stuff and talked about Andy's new TV show ''The Assistant'' where Andy tries to find an assistant. They don't actually win the chance to be his assistant, they just win a bunch of stuff like a new car. Robin has seen the show and she thought it was pretty good. Andy said that in the first show he eliminated someone within 5 minutes. They don't even tell the contestants who they are going to be trying to get a job with. Then Andy shows up.
A reporter called in from Tampa to ask Howard about the new stations he's on but Andy wanted him to ask him about his new show. The reporter said that there are some really hot chicks on that show so Howard asked him if he banged any of them. Andy laughed and said he wasn't allowed to even see them while they were filming. Howard tried to get some more information out of him about how he made the move. Andy swore that he didn't make any moves and he didn't get any of the 18-22 year old girls that were on the show. He said that he did have a lot of the people hanging around him even though he was very mean to them on the show. Andy was attracted to them as well. He said the girls were really hot and even some of the guys were kind of cute.
After the show was shot he gave them all his cell phone number. He said a bunch of them called... Howard cut him off and just wanted to know which one he banged. Andy said there was one girl he was hanging out with. Gary wondered if the girl that was with him today was one of those girls. Andy said that's just Karen and she's not one of those girls. He told Gary that he could bring her in if he wanted.
The reporter that was on the line asked Howard about where the ''line should be drawn'' in terms of radio these days. Howard told him that his question was a downer and that he didn't know how to answer the question. He said that no one knows where that line is. The guy also asked if Howard's agenda is to just influence voters right now. Howard said that is what he's trying to do because the country is going down hill with this guy Bush in charge.
Howard asked Andy about his pot bust a couple of months ago. Andy said that he was at an outdoor concert and he was smoking a little pot. He got busted by a cop at the event and got a citation for the pot. He said everyone at the concert was smoking and it was like being in a giant bong.
Andy talked about how he is drinking a little bit and he was told that if he does drink, he's supposed to drink alcohol you can see through. He thought that beer was see through but it's not. His nutritionist told him he can drink stuff like vodka if he wants. Howard gave Andy a couple more plugs for his show ''The Assistant'' which airs at 10:30pm tonight on MTV. Howard then let a few phone callers through and then wrapped up the interview.
High Pitch Erik called in and thanked Howard for responding to his thread on the HowardStern.com bulletin board. That led to Howard talking about the bulletin board a little more. He also replayed the Richard Christy phony interview with Richard Simmons that he'd played earlier in the show. He said that Christy actually got the audio of Richard Simmons from an audio book he put out.
Cabbie called in and talked about that Hemmorrelief thing he was promoting in the commercial Howard played a few minutes later. Cabbie said he really uses that thing and it works for him. Cabbie also said that he loves the bulletin board thing and how much time you can kill on it.
Howard said he wants to try and get his buddy Booker back on his radio station so he has to talk to their Program Director about that. This deejay Cane got fired after failing to show up for an interview with Metallica. Howard thought that was kind of harsh to fire the guy for something like that. Robin said she thinks that may have been the 10th or 11th bad thing he'd done and how he was a big problem there at the station.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she will be posting on the bulletin board soon now that she knows her way on. She also told Howard how hot his girlfriend was when she met her at her magazine signing recently. Howard said Beth was surprised at how good looking Mariann was considering the voice she has.
Chaunce Hayden called in and talked about the bulletin board and how brutal it is. Howard mentioned the post he made about his dog and how everyone called him gay for posting that. Howard also apologized to Chaunce for not believing him when he reported that Marlon Brando had died on the Friday morning before they went on vacation. They left Chaunce hanging the whole two weeks they were away because he turned out to be right.
Howard read a bunch of e-mail that they've gotten over the past couple of weeks. There were a lot of complaints about people not being able to log in to the site and stuff like that. There was also some fan mail for Associate Producer Jason Kaplan who has written an article for HowardStern.com about what goes on behind the scenes. Howard said it's kind of a weird article. He talks about getting his back hair waxed and stuff like that. He said he talks about some other stuff and it's pretty funny.
Howard said there was a ton of mail about his girlfriend and why she's with him. There are also people who think that Beth has implants. Howard talked about a few other things he's gotten mail about and ended up goofing on Jay Leno for a couple of minutes. He then moved on to talk about the new ''Catwoman'' movie and how Sharon Stone is in it so it will probably suck. That led to Robin bringing up a headline of an article that said something about how most white people don't have black friends. Then Howard and the guys were talking about whether or not they have black friends. Howard has a couple, Artie has at least one and Fred really doesn't have any. Howard had to break up that conversation so he could take another break. Robin started her news a short time later.
Howard said he was beat this morning. He was up late last night talking to his daughter on the phone. Artie told Howard he slept from 1 in the afternoon to 9 last night, watched a couple of hours of a baseball game and then went back to sleep until this morning. Howard was jealous that he could sleep that much. He went on to say that he had to have sex last night to get himself to sleep but he wanted to try new positions and stuff. Beth wondered why he didn't just want to get it done with so he could get to sleep.
Howard said he gets ideas for these positions from porn movies he watches. He said this one position he wanted to try involved a pillow and one foot being on the floor. Beth is very flexible according to Howard. Howard hoped that her father wasn't awake this morning listening to the show now that they're back on in Pittsburgh where he lives. He said it was kind of nice not being on there because he wasn't able to hear the show.
Fred was playing some audio of a guy screaming that was supposed to be Beth's father. Howard then went on to say that a lot of people ask him how his relationship is going with Beth like they're supposed to be on the rocks or something. He tells them that they're doing fine because they have a nice and easy going relationship.
Howard was reading the newspaper this morning and saw the main headline was about model Josie Maran showing up at a movie premiere. Howard thought that was kind of crazy that something like that is headline news. There were some other stories that he mentioned after that. There was one story about a woman being raped at a night club and a story about J-Lo that he quickly went over as well.
A caller told Howard that his bulletin board is very distracting and he can't get any work done because of it. He said he had a hard time coming up with a name to use on the site. Howard talked about some of the inventive names people have on his bulletin board. He talked about some of the names and the avatars (small pictures) that people have as well. There are people using old pictures of Gary and Howard and stuff like that. There's one guy, Ritalin, who has an animated chubby kid going crazy that's pretty funny. Howard says he has bigger plans for the bulletin board and it will be even crazier eventually. Right now they're only letting in about 1000 people at a time because they get so much traffic at this point.
Howard wondered how these other companies like Yahoo handle all of the traffic. He said it costs a ridiculous amount of money to add servers just to let in another 1000 people at a time. He said something about $500,000 just to let in another 1000 people. There are all kinds of conversations about everyone on the show. Howard said that most of the postings are negative toward him, Artie, Robin and his girlfriend Beth. He said he really doesn't care all that much and said that people should just have a blast in there.
A listener told Howard that those animated avatars are bandwidth killers on the web site. Howard said that's part of the fun though so that's why he lets them stay on there. Howard knows that if he put one on there, everyone would tell him that it sucks anyway so he hasn't bothered with it. He's got other things to get straightened out on that site before he worries about that.
Howard said that when he goes on there he sees people like Daniel Carver from the KKK on there. Robin seemed to be a little surprised that he is a computer guy and gets on there at all. Howard took a phone call from a woman who was thrilled to be on the air with Howard. She was telling Howard how great he was but he cut her off and gave her a prize of an Apple iPod mini. She wouldn't stop talking though and told Howard about this tape she sent into him. Howard had to cut her off eventually because she had so much to say.
Howard had a lot of stuff to get to but he had to take a break first. He told Robin he had tape of Halle Berry's husband Eric Benét to play. He also has to go through the ''Restless, Restless'' song contest entries.
He had to give his cousin Jack Adler a mention as well. He used to paint for DC Comics and at one point he was told that he was allergic to paper and had to throw out a lot of the Superman comic books he'd collected. Jack recently told Howard that he had some comic books that would have been worth close to $200,000 each if he'd kept them around. He went on to say that he's being honored out in San Diego on Friday at the San Diego Convention Center. Jack asked him to mention it even though he knows that a lot of people are going to show up without the mention. Howard seems to think that he wants chicks to show up or something, he's not even sure why he wants the mention.
Howard went on to talk about his childhood after that. He said that he was in a class that he just couldn't stand and he was about to fail the class. He ended up recording his cousin Jack talking about psychiatry as a class project so he could get out of flunking and going to summer school. He ended up getting an A and the teacher wanted to use the tape as a teaching tool. Howard said his cousin talked for a full two hours on that tape about everything that went on in his life. He said that Jack is a great guy. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard moved on the ''Restless, Restless'' song contest. He said that a lot of people are asking to have the songs put out on CD or available for download at least. A lot of people really liked the Robert Goulet version of the song. One person suggested that they make it the new opening theme song for Howard's show. Other people were complaining that the song is still a piece of crap no matter who performs it.
Howard mentioned all of the markets he started on this week and read some mail from some people who are thrilled to have him back. That led to Howard talking about what Clear Channel is trying to do now. They already own tons of concert venues and radio stations and now they're trying to buy a record company. Howard figures that it's a conflict of interest to do that but they'll probably get it through because they're up President Bush's ass so much.
Howard had some other e-mail after that. There was one e-mail from someone who pointed out that Robin was wrong about an article she mentioned on the show yesterday that led to the guys talking about how a lot of white people don't have black friends. They said the article she mentioned was about people in the U.K., not here in the U.S. Robin said that it was just a funny headline and she hadn't even read the whole article.
There's a TV show that Robin mentioned called ''Teen Kids News'' that features Cody Gifford as one of the reporters. Howard played some tape from that show to point out just how bad the kid sounds on TV. Howard was also pointing out how his mother, Kathie Lee Gifford, is the one who probably pushes him into this crap. Howard said the kid doesn't need that pressure because he looks all nervous already and he's all twitchy and stuff on the show.
Howard read an article about how The Tonight Show didn't get any Emmy nominations this year. That led to them talking about how Dave Chappelle got some nominations and how much the young people are liking that show. Howard said his daughters love the show and watch it on DVD. He said Dave seems to be too busy to even do his show these days.
Howard brought up an article about a woman down in Stuart, Florida who is trying to keep Howard off the radio down there. He read the article about the nutty woman who is going after advertisers who advertise on his show. Howard wants to try and get the 49 year old woman on the phone to talk to her. He said he doesn't care what she does because he's had a lot of other people try to do the same thing and they haven't succeeded.
A listener called in and told Howard he saw a special on E! last night where they had the kids of famous people and Casey Kasem's daughter was really hot. Then there were the kids of super models who are odd looking. Howard said that's a weird thing because you don't expect good looking people to have ugly kids. He also said that his kids turned out good looking which was a surprise to him. That led to the guys talking about what would happen if Artie had a kid with someone like Cindy Crawford. Howard said that would be pretty interesting because Cindy's kids are really good looking. He suggested Jennifer Garner as a mate for Artie. Artie said that the kids would look like James Garner. Howard also said that Josie Maran would be another good one for Artie to mate with. The guy on the phone was goofing on Artie a bit so Artie wondered if he was coming from a model convention or something. The caller ended up asking for a prize which is a no-no these days. Howard was about to give the guy a $500 prize but Robin reminded him that they don't give prizes to people who ask for them anymore. They had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard read an article from Friday Morning Quarterback, which is a radio industry newspaper. The article he read was about ''P1'' which is supposed to be you main audience. Howard said that radio guys always try to make their jobs seem more complicated than they really are and this P1 stuff is part of that. Howard goofed on the article and how ridiculous the whole thing was for a short time. Gary came in and said that he tried to find out from Tom what a P1 is. He said that it's got something to do with the 20 percent of your audience that accounts for 80 percent of your listening or something like that. They never did figure out exactly what the ''P1'' meant though.
Howard read through the article a little more and had all kinds of wacky stuff in there that most people wouldn't understand. Howard simplified if for the average listener. He said that people had better not use that ''P1'' around him or he'd pee on them.
Howard got back to the Eric Benét thing and played some of the audio clips he had from the interview. Benét was asked about cheating on Halle Berry and tried to explain why he would do such a thing. Benét was rambling a bit so Howard and Artie were goofing on him. Howard said that the guy seems to have a problem with the English language as he's trying to respond to the questions he's being asked. They said he sounds kind of like William Shatner when he acts.
Howard had one clip where Benét ends up crying while talking about his 12 year old daughter and the death of her mother. The interviewer, Cynthia McFadden, asked Benét about how the breakup has been for his daughter and he breaks down and cries. He whispers ''I don't want to do this'' after being asked about it. He was also asked about whether or not he could be faithful to Halle now. He says he could. Howard had to take a break after goofing on that for a couple more minutes.
Howard brought up making a sex tape with Beth because he thinks he could make enough to retire on if he put one out. He believes that his kids could get over it if they had enough money. Howard thought that the Pam Anderson and Paris Hilton tapes were interesting. The Jenna Lewis thing just isn't. Artie said that he thinks that Nikki Hilton is looking good these days and isn't getting as much credit as her sister is.
Howard took a call from Big Black who wanted to talk about the Eric Benét interview. He had some tape of Oprah Winfrey giving the guy an introduction and then Benét being asked about that. They goofed on Benét for a minute after that. Big Black said that he's still waiting to get his password for the new Bulletin Board but it must not be ready yet. Howard said he'll try to get that set up for him.
Howard had some of the ''Restless, Restless'' song contest entries to play. He explained how Vinnie Favale wrote this song along with Tom Gesimondo and they have audience members sending in their own versions of the song. He played Vinnie's original reading of the lyrics where he doesn't have any music behind him. People took those horrible lyrics and put them to music.
Scott the Engineer's son put together a version with his band Vertigo Blue (VertigoBlueMusic.com). There's no getting away from those lyrics though. The production was good and the band sounds pretty good. KC came in and told Howard they had some other entries that were pretty good. The version he pointed out was a band that sounded kind of like Type O Negative. There was another one with a computer generated voice to some creepy horror movie music. Robert Goulet did a version after a fan asked him to. That's the one that everyone on the show seems to like the most. Howard played a little bit of that and asked the guys if anyone was going to vote for William Shatner who also entered. No one was really into his as much as they were into Goulet's version.
Gary said that Shatner was mocking himself but Goulet didn't seem to be doing that. Howard played a little bit of Shatner's version and then played more of the Robert Goulet version. Howard said that one is tough to beat but Vinnie's lyrics are still horrible. Howard said that Goulet is a talented guy. KC thought his music sounded pretty gay. Jason came in and told Howard that he should let the Shatner song play through a little more because he has backup singers and stuff. Howard played through it a little more but still thinks he didn't nail it like Robert Goulet did.
Howard asked the guys who should be competing against Goulet in the final 3 of the contest. Gary told Howard it's the first Country version of the song they played weeks ago. Howard played that version as well and said that he can sit through it and that's what counts. KC told Howard about another one he liked which was an acoustic version. Howard wasn't as impressed with that one. There was a retarded version of the song where a guy had a couple of retarded people reading the lyrics. Howard doesn't think he can sit through that though.
Fred told Howard that he liked the Hawaiian version of the song that someone sent in. Howard said he couldn't get through the whole song though. Robin hated it. Gary liked a techno version of the song as did Artie. Howard played a couple of the suggestions from the guys. There was an opera version of the song that Howard liked but he wasn't sure they'd be able to pull it off in the studio. He also wasn't sure he'd make it through the whole song. Artie liked a certain country version which surprised the guys in the studio. They didn't think Artie was into that kind of music. KC said the guy sounded like a ''retarded Bob Seger.'' There was another one that Howard played which was pretty heavy metal. Howard was out after about 10 seconds though. There was another heavy metal version that he tried to get through but only lasted another 10 seconds.
Howard played a rap version, a blues version, a R&B version and a couple of others trying to find the final 3. Robert Goulet, the Country dude and an Old West sounding dude were going to be the final 3. Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in at the last second and asked him to play his Uncle Paulie's version of the song. KC brought that in and played the song. It was pretty good but the recording quality wasn't quite there. Howard said that he could have been in there if he had some studio time. Sal said he can't afford it since he didn't get John's Job. Howard told him he's still going to try and get him a job there though.
KC told Howard that the ''Knob Gobbler Mark Harris'' did a couple of versions as well. Howard played a couple of short clips from those entries and they all sounded like the songs Mark has performed on the show in the past. The guys goofed on Mark for a short time after that. Another entrant took a bunch of fart sounds and put Vinnie's original version to the farting music. Howard was done after that. They had their 3 finalists and they'd be in next Friday to compete for the grand prize. Howard doesn't think that the contest winner is clear cut.
Tom Chiusano came in and asked how many people are in Robert Goulet's band and wondered where they're going to put them all. He said it sounded like a 100 piece orchestra. Howard told him he's going to fly them all in and pay for them all to stay. Howard said it'll be great. That's if the guy shows up. Gary said that the guy who sent in the entry has to try and talk Robert Goulet into coming on the show now. Howard had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard told a story about his dog Bianca and how she ended up getting Lyme disease while they were staying out in The Hamptons. The dog was acting strange but Howard didn't think it was all that weird. Beth was the one who picked up on it. Howard explained how she was having trouble walking and she was foaming at the mouth. They took her home and she was running a fever. Her ears felt really hot to Howard so he call a vet who does house calls. They also talked to the breeder they got the dog from and asked her about it. The vet came by later and the dog had a 104.5 temperature. It was too high for her and the vet told them that she's lost dogs with that temperature.
Howard said the vet gave her an IV of antibiotics and tried to help her out. A couple of days later they found out it was Lyme disease. They never found a tick on her though.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard that crying in public is never a good idea... He would know because he cried on Howard's show during the Get John's Job competition. Howard told Chaunce that he's mentally ill so that's his excuse. Chaunce went on to tell Howard that Jackie the Joke Man is on the cover of Steppin' Out magazine and he answers a lot of questions about Howard and what happened there. Chaunce claims that Jackie told him that Howard never called him during that negotiation period. Howard said the guy left the show like 4 years ago (actually 3) and he can't believe he's reliving this stuff now. The guys talked about how tough Jackie was to deal with in those negotiations. It was a 5 year deal that he was offered and it was a seven figure deal. Tom Chiusano came in and said that it was a very generous deal and he should have taken it when he had the chance. Chaunce said that Jackie told him he hasn't listened to the show since he left.
Howard said Jackie was a good dude and it wasn't like he didn't want him there. Tom said that Artie is a great guy though and he seems to be glad he's there in place of Jackie. Chaunce got off the line a short time later and Howard said that he had wood after that. Robin seemed to think that was because Tom had just left the studio.
Howard was going to take a break but Artie mentioned that White Castle had sent over some food for them. That led to them talking about how Gary is making an appearance at a White Castle with the guy who used to play Doogie Howser, Neil Patrick Harris, at a White Castle restaurant. The movie is called ''Harold and Kumar go to White Castle'' and Gary is there to help out with promotion at one of their restaurants. Gary has to do it for about 2 hours. He said that it's a good deal and it's so much easier than doing something else.
Gary told Howard that the hardest thing he ever did was show up at a model home down in Miami one time. He said if Howard hadn't goofed on him about it that week no one would have showed up. He said there was a decent turn out because Howard had goofed on it. Howard thought it was funny that Doogie Howser was going to be promoting this thing as well. Gary said he's in the movie, that's why he's doing the promotion. Howard wondered what he looks like these days now that he's grown up. Gary said he seems to think that he hasn't quite grown into his big head.
Howard asked Gary if he'll bring his kids to watch him handing out hamburgers at this appearance. Gary said he won't be doing that. He also talked about another appearance he had one time where he ended up getting dressed up in a clown outfit so he could be put out in a bull ring. Sal the Stockbroker called in and asked where the appearance is going to be today so he can go down with a megaphone and say ''Don't feed the monkey!'' over and over again. Howard took a break right after that phone call.
Greg talked about how his family is mad at him because he doesn't drink anymore. He said he's had his uncles come up to him and tell him that he has to have some drinks once in a while. He said he goes to comedy clubs where he doesn't drink anything and Artie wondered how he does it. Greg told Artie that he's a good drunk, that's why he can drink like he does.
Howard said that Greg was telling him a story about how he had sex with his wife in his mother's bed one night and after she got out of the hospital. He said his mother wanted her to be comfortable that night so he hopped right on top of her and a minute later his mother walked in because she'd forgotten her toothbrush. Greg said his wife started laughing her ass off when it happened. The next morning Greg said he looked up at the mirror above the bed and there was a steamy hand print on it from the night before. Howard said Greg told him what they were doing that night but he couldn't describe it on the air. They must have tried to describe it because the delay was hit.
Howard had Greg sit in while Robin read her news. A listener called in from Houston to welcome Howard down there. That led to Howard and Greg talking about Clear Channel and how dopey they are for dropping Howard's show the way they did. Another caller brought up a bit Greg does about hotel room beds and how filthy they are. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that and sharing stories of staying in filthy hotels before Robin got back to her news.
At one point before a commercial break Greg said that he did Colin Quinn's show the night before and Colin always brings up the rumor about him having a big penis. He said that Colin asked to see his penis after the show so he showed it to him. He said they were in the green room with a bunch of people so he just unzipped and pulled it out to show him. Howard wondered if Colin dropped to his knees when he did that. Greg said there were a bunch of people in there and he didn't do anything like that. Colin just made a comment about how he's got room to grow or something like that. Even Greg wasn't sure what that meant. Howard had to go to break after hearing that story.
After the break Greg congratulated Howard on his ratings which led to them talking about how Infinity Broadcasting doesn't subscribe to the Arbitron ratings anymore so they're not allowed to quote them. Gary came in and said they were told to delete any e-mail or notes about the ratings service from their computer systems because of this. He wasn't even sure if he's allowed to mention their name on the air. Howard said he's the one who mentioned them on the air and he doesn't care. Greg said something about Howard's ratings having gone up by 40 percent or something like that. He'd read it in the news recently.
Howard and the guys were goofing on the local radio news station because they recently took off some of the reverb they had on their voices. Howard said that he would have loved to have heard that first transition from the heavy reverb to half of it. He created his own heavy reverb conversations and goofed on that for a couple of minutes before Robin changed subjects and brought up some other news stories.
Howard was still thinking about the size of Greg's penis late in the news. He asked Greg when he knew that it was big. Greg said that a kid his age when he was around 8 or 9 commented on how big it was. He said he's also had some problems with relationships because it's been too big for some women he's been with. Howard said he'd love to have that problem. Greg told him that some women have asked him to take it slow with them because he's so big. Howard tried to imagine what that would be like. Greg tried to convince him that it really is a problem though. Howard said it really wouldn't be a problem if he had a really big penis. He told Greg how he has to come up with excuses for why he's so small down there. Greg told Howard that he has been with the same women his brother has been with and they've told him that it must run in the family. Robin told Greg that he should have gone into porn instead of comedy if he's that big. Howard joked that Colin (Quinn) must have been drooling when he saw Greg's penis.
Howard started off the show this morning talking about the Semisonic performance that Fred played at the start of the show. He has been reading a book by the drummer from the band called ''So You Wanna Be a Rock & Roll Star: How I Machine-Gunned a Roomful of Record Executives and Other True Tales from a Drummer's Life'' and it's really interesting to him. He says it's got some really interesting stories about how the record companies treat the band when they have a hit and when they don't and stuff like that. He talked about some of the other stuff in the book like what it's like on the road and how tough that was on the guy. Then they make it kind of big with their hit song and it becomes a completely different thing.
Howard said that he gets eggs for breakfast every morning and today he can taste the bacon grease on them. He wondered why he can't just get dry egg whites without the grease. He went to a place while he was on vacation and asked for them to be cooked dry and they came out perfect. Howard won't eat that stuff when he tastes like that. He wants to find someone who is into making his breakfast for him exactly the way he wants it. He says when they move to satellite he's going to have a grill installed in the studio so he can cook his own breakfast. It sounds like he's hoping to get kicked off of regular radio so he can do something like that.
Howard brought up an appearance Gary made for White Castle and the movie ''Harold and Kumar go to White Castle'' yesterday with Neil Patrick Harris (aka ''Doogie Howser''). As he was talking about that Fred played the Baba Booey ''Baker Street'' song parody. Gary had to hand out hamburgers at the event. Gary said he had his picture taken by Wire Image while he was there and that eventually led to him getting a call from the producers of ''Alien vs. Predator'' who want him to make an appearance for them. Gary wanted to talk about this appearance before he decides on doing another one though.
Gary told Howard that Neil Patrick Harris wasn't there when he showed up but there were a bunch of other people at the event. He told Howard about a hot chick Ivana Bozilovic that was there. She was on the show a few weeks ago and took a lie detector test where they found out she really wasn't into Howard at all. Howard said that he remembers her being at Beth's magazine party so he brought Beth over to her to show her a hot chick that was into him. Artie ended up doing his impression of Ed Torian the lie detector guy and asked some of the questions that he asked of this woman Gary was talking about.
Gary went on to talk about how there were people waiting on line for these free White Castle burgers he was giving out for free. He said there were some models there playing the part of waitresses as well. He said they were kind of ''rough'' looking. Gary was also asked to put on a White Castle outfit on himself but he refused. Gary said he kept telling this publicist person that he just wouldn't do it. He said she seemed kind of perplexed that he wouldn't do this for them. A short time later it came back to him that they were going to offer him another $500 to put the outfit on. He refused to put it on.
Gary went on to talk about the stars of the movie who were there so they were signing autographs. Then Gary was told that Jason was offered the $500 to put on this outfit so he did it. Jason was wearing thigh high boots, short shorts and a wig. He put that on and handed out hamburgers for an hour. Jason came in and said that they wanted him to put on a man thong and parade around in that but he refused to do that. Howard told Gary that he gets the worst appearances. Gary pictures that as being his life after the show ends.
Howard talked about the one 21 year old he dated after his divorce and how crazy that was for him. He saw her a couple of times after having sex with her but that was too young for him. He said he felt that was awfully young for him. He said he'd forgotten what that felt like to be with someone that young. He said it's way different to be with someone that young. He said the ''actual place'' you go to when you have sex is just completely different with someone that young. He talked about how it wasn't that easy to get her in bed and they'd hung out for a week before.
Howard said he didn't think the chick was all that much into him at the time. He hated the fact that he couldn't just talk about what went on but he eluded to the fact that she wasn't getting all that much excited about being with him and he wasn't sure if it was because she wasn't into him or what. Robin told him that may have been because of inexperience. Howard wasn't sure that was the case but Robin was pretty sure that could have been the reason she wasn't getting lubricated.
The caller Howard had on the line thanked him for some tickets he'd won from Howard a few months ago and how great a time he had. Howard let him go after that. Another caller told Howard that no one has told him that his girlfriend is a butterface. Howard said that's what goes on with the bulletin board. People post stuff like that and it really upsets his girlfriend. The woman on the phone said that Beth has a 10 body and a 4 face. Howard said that the woman must just be jealous because Beth is making a living as a model. The woman said she thinks that Beth's face just doesn't match the body. Gary offered the woman on the line to come down so they could check her out and see who is critiquing Beth. The woman apologized to Beth for bringing this up on the air but she wanted to know why no one brings this up on the air. She also said that a lot of people agree with her on the bulletin board but no one tells Howard this. She thinks that Howard could do better. Howard told her he loves Beth and he doesn't want to do better. Howard got that woman off the line and talked about how nutty some of these people are on his bulletin board. He had to take a break a short time later.
Scott DePace came in and said that this bulletin board is ruining his life because he spends so much time on it. He's been arguing with this one guy and thinks about responding to these people while he's away from home. Howard talked about how much trouble he was having posting on the board last night. He said they're slowly bumping up the number of people they're allowing on the bulletin board at one time. They should be up to about 2000 people at a time by today.
Howard said his computer has been giving him problems there at work and he can never log in to his Lotus Notes account when he needs to. He said there are some things going on with the web site that he needs to clear up. He said that they are only taking new registrations after 10pm but they make it seem like they're not taking any at all. Scott DePace told Howard that there's a way you can see what he's reading at any time he's logged on. He didn't like that so Benjy told him that he can hide himself by going to his account and making himself invisible. Howard said that he might not be able to do that because he'd probably want people to see that he's online.
DePace talked about how someone called him a dumbass so that got him ticked off and he had to post something back to him. Howard said that they are working on adding more servers to the system so they can let more people on the boards. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that they've been working on the coding of the site and moving stuff around so it will work smoothly. They've been tweaking the site so it'll work a little better. Vinnie said they've never seen a board move so fast before. He said you usually post something and get a response weeks later.
Gary said that the guy who entered Robert Goulet has been getting a ton of e-mail about what's been going on with the contest. They're still working on getting him to show up for the contest though. Howard played the Robert Goulet version of the song. Vinnie was upset that Goulet had changed the lyrics a little bit and had missed the point of the song. He and Fred were arguing about the lyrics. Howard let Vinnie go on for a couple of minutes and then said that he talks to him about this stuff off the air which is kind of weird. He said that it's one thing to do it on the air but doing it off the air is even stranger. Howard talked about how Vinnie calls him when he's on the bus on his way into work and whispers all of this stuff to him.
Vinnie asked Howard to play another version of the song that someone sent in. He likes the version done by this guy Eric Garner. Howard played some of that version. Howard thought it was okay and that he might have picked it as a finalist. It sounded like he was ready to change his mind about the three finalists but they had already contacted them. Howard played another one that Vinnie liked but he liked the previous one better. Jason told Howard that Vinnie is crazy and told them not to throw away any of the entries because he wants to keep them all for some reason. Vinnie told Howard to play an Elvis Costello-like version of the song but Howard hit the wrong track and played one that was an AC/DC-like version. There were a couple of others that Howard played. One woman did a reading of the lyrics that sounded like the nutty Leelee Sobieski poem read that she did on The Tonight Show a couple of years ago. Sal the Stockbroker had sent in that entry. The guys liked that entry because the lyrics went along with that odd delivery pretty well.
Vinnie said that this version that was Elvis Costello-like was great. Howard played some of that but bailed out on it after a few seconds. He said that Vinnie called him from the bus the other day and told him that they'd missed about 20 good ones after playing about 30 versions. Vinnie thinks that the song has to live on outside of the show because they don't have enough time to play them on the air.
Howard played one of the country versions that ended up in the final three that they picked yesterday. Howard thinks it will come down to that guy and Robert Goulet. One of those two will probably win the contest. Howard played the Goulet version again and said that he thinks Goulet gets the song. Vinnie still wasn't convinced and still believed that he just didn't get it. Howard had to take another commercial break after talking about that with Vinnie.
Howard said that he's getting fined by the FCC for old shows which is really weird. They can't fine him for the stuff he's doing these days because the button gets hit on the show so much these days. He asked a friend of his to go back a couple of years and find some clones of his and have them file some complaints against them. He knows that the FCC will do nothing and will only continue to fine him. He had Gary take the tape so he can have a listener file a complaint.
Howard said someone sent him some stuff from the FCC web site where they talk about ''profane speech'' and what they define as ''profane.'' He said that it sounds like they're gearing up for something new where they'll be able to fine people for just talking about a group of people like the French and if someone is offended by that, they could fine them over it. He said he's going to keep saying what he wants because he wants stuff like that to go to court because he believes that it will get thrown out if it makes it there.
Howard saw Eva Herzigova in the latest Playboy magazine and said that she's really hot. He said she's got a great body and a cute face. The guys talked about her relationship with Tico Torres from Bon Jovi and stuff like that for a short time.
Howard mentioned this sex addict home where Halle Berry's husband went after their separation. He said he looked it up on the web and read about some of the workshops they have there. Artie said that anyone who cheats on Halle Berry isn't that messed up. They offer all kinds of stuff at the sex addiction facility. Gary told Howard that there is a dress code at the place so women aren't allowed to wear mini-skirts and stuff like that. The cost of the program is around $1,800 a week so Artie wondered who can afford that.
Bobo called in and said that he is unable to log on to the bulletin board for some reason. Howard told him that they have a limit on the number of people that can log on right now so he might be bumped out. He said by the end of the week they should be able to have 5,000-10,000 people at a time. It turns out Bobo hasn't been able to register on the site yet. Howard told him that he has to log on after 10pm to register.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to give some love to Beth because she can't believe people like the woman who called in earlier waste time thinking about Beth's looks. The caller said that Howard can't do better than Beth like that earlier caller said he could. She told Howard that she feels bad for his dog Bianca because she got Lyme Disease and she's a bull dog owner herself. Robin told Howard that she heard that the Lyme Disease is always in their system. Howard said the dog will be fine and he doesn't think that's the case. The caller told Howard that her bull dog is crazy and doesn't sleep all that much.
Howard asked the woman if she was hot after Artie mentioned her voice sounded sexy. She said she thinks she's pretty good looking. She's 5'10'' tall and weighs 140 pounds. She also said she thinks her face is a 7 or 8 out of 10. She didn't think she looked like anyone famous. He continued to ask her more and more questions about how she looks and dresses. She works at a doctor's office so she wears scrubs all day. She has a 34-C cup chest and it's natural. Howard was touching himself while he was asking her about all of this stuff. Artie joked that from her description, she sounded like a young Larry Bird. Her friend popped his head in at one point and ruined the conversation for Howard. He said that made him soft after hearing the guy interrupt.
The woman said that she had been with another woman one time. She may have been a little drunk at the time. She wouldn't say exactly what it was. She went on to tell Howard about how she met this woman at a friend's house and there was some truth or dare stuff going on. They had 4 people there and they ended up daring her and this other woman to do stuff to each other. They started out just kissing but moved on to touching each other. She said she didn't remember some of what went on but Howard wasn't buying that. She said she doesn't think that much happened because she's not that kind of girl.
Howard told the caller that Robin was a nurse at one time. That led to them talking to Robin about how she used to look at guy's penises and would make fun of them if they were small. He had Fred playing a bunch of Robin's laughs as he created the scene in the hospital room where Robin could have been looking at small penises. He wrapped up that and moved on to another call a short time later.
Howard asked Nikki what kind of hair she has. She said that she has natural blonde, curly hair. Howard asked her how she can have blonde hair if she's natural and that she is stealing the blonde stuff from white culture. She said that the whites stole that from another culture as well. Howard and Nikki also talked about how Beyonce seems to be turning herself white these days. Howard agreed and wondered how that happens. Nikki said that she got hot and the record companies decided to turn her white.
Gary came in and asked her what she thinks about Oprah Winfrey speaking very well until she has a black guest on and starts talking in a black dialect. She said she has to do that because that's what they want on TV. They want people to be very ''european'' when they're on TV so that's why Oprah speaks well most of the time and also conks her hair.
Nikki admitted that she's married to a white guy at one point so Howard and the guys said they lost respect for her. Howard let a few phone callers through after that. One guy called her some racial names and said that he wants all of the black guys on Wall Street who dress like white boys to just go home.
Howard tried to figure out what Nikki's point was. She was trying to show how it's getting hard to tell the differences between cultures these days. Howard said he thinks that it brings blacks and white closer to one another. Nikki doesn't seem to agree and wants to keep the cultures separate. A couple more phone callers let her know their feelings on this. One guy said that the whites created the black culture so they can steal anything they want from them. The guy also asked why all blacks smell like cocoa butter and hair products.
A phone caller told Nikki that this country is a melting pot and merging cultures is what it's all about. Nikki said that people like Nelly can have hit records but they'll never make as much money as a white star of the same caliber. Robin pointed out that there are people like Russell Simmons and P. Diddy out there who are making a ton of money so her arguments are pointless.
Howard tried to find out how hot Nikki was. She says she's hot and weighs in at 120 pounds. She's 5'8'' tall and has a C or D cup breast size. She didn't want to talk about that stuff much though and wanted to get back to her other points. She claims that she's better looking than Halle Berry and has been offered a lot of modeling jobs. She doesn't want to ''pimp'' her culture
Howard told Nikki that if it was the time of slavery, he'd have her as one of his ''special girls.'' She said that would never happen and she would have to be killed before she'd be with a master. Howard asked her about her abs and if they're rock hard. She said they are rock hard. Robin wondered how she can give all of that up to a white man. She said that her husband is a millionaire and she doesn't have to worry about that.
Nikki got in a plug for her group ''Back to X.'' Howard asked her if that was a reference to Extasy. She said it's not Extasy, it's a reference to Malcolm X. She said she may have a web site up and running eventually but there's nothing at this point. Howard told her to come on down to the studio sometime. Howard went to break after that.
Howard talked about his buddy Richie Notar for a short time. He said they were hanging out over vacation a little bit. He changed subjects and said that it seems like a lot of black people like to thank God when they win a sporting event or an award or something. He had tape of a woman talking about how much she thanks God for getting into the Olympics. Then another woman, in the same race, does the same thing. Artie said that he was watching the ESPY awards and he spent at least a minute thanking God. Howard played more of that interview and the third woman in the same race thanked God as well. Howard joked that 5th place cursed God.
Howard played a clip from Crank Yankers where Kevin Nealon asks about a personal trainer at a gym. He keeps interrupting the woman and asking her stuff that she had already tried to explain to him. He dicked her around and kept asking her the same stuff while talking over her. She eventually hangs up on Kevin after he asks her if she ever shuts up.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Howard's web site company was ripping him off because there are programs out there you can use that can handle high volumes of traffic without charging large amounts of money. Howard told the guy that from what he's been told, he needs a lot of servers to handle all of the traffic his site is generating. Howard has to lease the server equipment himself and no one is making any money off of this web site at this point. Howard told the caller to call Jim from Dreamtank and let him know what he knows if he wants to help him out. The guy said he would call Jim himself and help him out. Howard gave the guy a $500 prize after he turned down an Apple iPod. Howard also asked the guy if he had something going on with his voice or something. He said he pictured the guy in a wheelchair but the guy said that wasn't the case. He said he had a lateral lisp that he went to speech therapy for in 7th grade. Howard told him it wasn't working.
Howard read an e-mail he got from a guy about a recent E! show rerun. The writer asked Howard why he didn't tickle Natalie Raitano's feet more when she was in. Howard read the e-mail and it was kind of creepy because the guy was so into the tickling thing. He was asking for Natalie's e-mail address so he can mock her ticklish feet.
There was another e-mail from a person who yelled at him about doing ads for Trim Spa after what they did to Whoopi Goldberg... The guy didn't realize that it was Slimfast, not Trim Spa that dropped her. He went through some other e-mail he got about Artie. Someone was saying that Artie is better than Jackie ever was. Howard was on his bulletin board the other day asking people why they even try to compare Artie and Jackie. They're different people and do different things.
Someone from Miami wrote in and complained that they can't pick up his show from the West Palm Beach station that was just added. Howard said he wasn't trying to disappoint people, that was the only station they could get the show put on down in that area.
A person complained about the ''Restless, Restless'' song contest and how Howard has been playing entries from people like Robert Goulet and William Shatner instead of from fans. Howard said that it was a fan who entered those two people. It wasn't Robert Goulet's idea to enter the contest. Howard said the guy who had the idea to enter them had a great idea. He said it doesn't matter what kind of contest they have, they get all kinds of complaints about the people who make it. He said people complained about the ''Get John's Job'' thing as being fixed with all of the Wack Pack members being in it but then a listener from Florida turned out to be the winner.
Howard read through some more mail about the Robert Goulet entry and some of the other finalists that were picked yesterday. Howard played those three finalist's songs again to let people know which ones they were. There are two country versions and the Robert Goulet version.
A caller asked Howard if he is ever going to put out another version of ''Private Parts'' with extra features included. Howard wanted to do that when they put the movie out but Paramount didn't want to do it. They just put the movie out. Howard said they had about 30-45 minutes of stuff that they could have used as extras for the movie. He even claims that he offered to buy the rights to the movie from Paramount but they didn't let him do that. He claims they didn't want him to do it and embarrass them by making a lot of money with it. He said there are a lot of people who have a bug up their ass about him. The old WWOR (Channel 9) shows are locked up in a vault and they won't let him put them out on DVD or anything like that. He wanted to put out the pilot they shot for them because the executives at the station walked out of the building as they were shooting it.
That led to Howard talking about how Jay Leno walked off his own show when he had a couple of lesbians on with him one time. He wondered how that guy could walk off the show like that instead of just throwing him off the show. Arsenio got it right when he had two security guards walk him off the show when he got upset with his appearance. Howard had commented on a band that was on Arsenio's show and went off on FOX about how they had killed Edgar Rosenberg. They stopped taping on that show when he brought that up. Artie said he would pay through the nose to see those Channel 9 shows on DVD. Howard wants to try again to get those shows because the guy who gave him a hard time is apparently gone now. Howard hopes that they still have those tapes locked up in a vault somewhere safe.
Howard mentioned one scene from Private Parts that was cut where he's talking to his wife from a motel up in Hartford and a bullet comes through the wall. He said the scene was really funny and he'd love to be able to show that on a special DVD. There were a few other things he mentioned that he'd love to include. The caller he had on the line loved the scene where he says that this guy Fred is ''Electric'' and they show Fred just standing there. Howard said that they had to shoot that scene a bunch of times because the camera was so tough to get right. He said he got kind of depressed after the movie was done shooting because he figured he could have done better.
Howard talked about how bad he sucked during the first two days on the set. Ivan Reitman had to talk to him about memorizing his lines because they had people standing around waiting for him to say his lines. Artie said the first week is the toughest because that's when you can still get fired. He's thought about that on every movie he's shot. Howard eventually adapted and now he considers himself one of the greatest actors ever.
Howard has something in the works now that will be a follow up to ''Private Parts'' but he didn't give any details. The caller Howard had on the line asked for a prize which is a no-no these days. Howard told him he was about to give him an Apple iPod mini but he couldn't do that because he'd asked about it.
Vinnie Favale called in and reminded Howard that Tom Snyder also walked off of his own show while interviewing him. They spent a minute talking about that before Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in. Sal asked Howard if he felt any chemistry between him and his movie wife. Howard said that they did get close but that wasn't what led to his divorce. Sal also asked him if he found himself pleasuring himself after doing love scenes with his movie wife. Howard said he did so Sal asked him if the blood also rushed to his nose. He then asked Howard how his dog was doing... and also Bianca (his real dog). Howard told him to shut up and hung up on him as he went to commercial break.
Howard took another call from a guy down in Orlando who welcomed him back to the market. He hadn't been able to hear the show for quite some time so he was happy to have him back. Howard said it's a big ''F-You'' to Clear Channel since he was fired by them in some of those markets. He claims that Clear Channel is now going to the FCC and saying that it's not fair that Infinity has been able to keep him on the air because he can kick their asses in those markets.
Howard got an article about Don Imus and his wife where the two of them are pictures in their cowboy hats. He goofed on that for a minute and said he never got the chance to read the article because Gary was talking to him during the break. He started to read through that article where they claim that Imus has 40 million listeners. Howard said there are a lot of guys out there who lie about stuff like that and it's such an obvious lie. He said if Imus has 40 million listeners then he must have 3 billion. They talk about Imus' show and what goes on. They call him ''fearless'' and claim that when he promotes a book he's only second to Oprah in his power to sell. Howard said that was all a bunch of crap as well because Imus couldn't even get his own book to sell.
Gary came in and told Howard about some letter they got from a person who claims to have worked at Imus' ranch. They have some funny stories about what has gone on there but they're not sure if they're true or not. Howard got back to the Imus article and read through some more of that. Imus claims he doesn't get sick of the kids at his cancer ranch so Howard goofed on the fact that the guy doesn't get along with his own kids. They talk about the way the kids are treated like ''real ranch hands'' when they go to their cancer ranch.
Howard had Robin start her news after talking about that article. He was trying to get to the news earlier but that article got to him. While Robin was reading a story about the big Jeopardy winner Howard took a call from another woman from Pittsburgh who wanted to welcome him back to the city. Another guy called in and said he lost his daughter to cancer a few years ago and he can't believe that this Imus guy is using his ranch to take money from his listeners. That led to Howard and the guys talking about what a scumbag Imus comes off as with that stuff. Howard said that the money from the charity is used to upgrade Imus' house and stuff like that and it just comes off bad. Another caller told Howard that his kid had gone there and when she tracked mud into the house, she was yelled at. It turned out to be Sean The White Rapper making a prank call. Howard said he wasn't fooled by that story though. Howard said he's not saying that Imus' cancer ranch is a scam but who knows? He had to take a break after that.
During the news Howard took a call from a guy who called him a hypocrite for saying that Linda Ronstadt shouldn't have been thrown out of the casino she was performing at for supporting Michael Moore and his movie ''Fahrenheit 9/11.'' The caller said that Howard was against the Dixie Chicks when they spoke out against the President a while back. Howard told the guy that he sees that he was wrong back then and at the time he thought that the President was telling the truth about Iraq having weapons of mass destruction and everyone was pro-war at the time. He learned his lesson and now he sees that he was wrong. He said it's one thing to make a mistake and it's another to just lie to the troops and to the people of this country. He spent a few minutes talking to the caller about how wrong he was about the Dixie Chicks. He also told the caller that he was never for this President Bush. After 9/11 he told his listeners that we had to give him a chance but he's never really been a Bush supporter.
Howard believes that we are at a crucial juncture in this country with terrorism and stem cell research and Bush isn't handling this stuff the way he thinks he should. He spent a couple of minutes with that caller and then had Robin finish up her news.
howard started off the show talking about going on the HowardStern.com bulletin board and getting an e-mail from Fred about an article that says that Clear Channel is counter suing him over breaking his contract with them. He said it wasn't bad enough that they fired him, now they have this ridiculous suit against him claiming that they told him to clean up his show or he'd be fired. Howard explained how it's even more negative publicity for him even though he didn't do anything wrong. He pointed out that Clear Channel had him on the air for 10 years and then fired him for no reason and now they claim that he was doing something wrong. He was thinking about this and can't wait until he gets Lowry Mays (the head of Clear Channel) in the depositions so he can jerk him around for as long as he wants to. Artie said that Howard hadn't changed the show in the 10 years Clear Channel had him on the air so it doesn't make any sense.
Howard said the suit makes no sense and it's almost like they're saying that he forced Clear Channel to put his show on their stations. He talked about the rant he went into on HowardStern.com yesterday and how he will never back down from this company. He says he's not weak and he can't wait to expose these guys for what they are. He actually thanked them for bringing this on because he will be able to tape the deposition and he'll be showing it to all of his friends. He's not sure if he can broadcast the tape but he will be showing it to all of his friends.
Howard said that Clear Channel should just pay their bills to him and drop this ridiculous suit. They had him on their stations for 10 years and even defended what he was doing for years. Then they just pulled the plug on him after he started coming out against President Bush. Robin and Howard talked about how Clear Channel is now saying that his show was indecent but they did keep it on the air for 10 years so they may be insane. He's thrilled with the news that they're so retarded.
Howard was looking for tapes from some of the news reports about this news but they didn't have them ready for him yet. Howard asked ''skinny Gary'' where they were. He came in a minute later with some tapes for him. Howard played a couple of news reports about Clear Channel's ridiculous counter suit. The reporter in one report had his facts wrong and said that Clear Channel bumped him from 16 markets but it was really 6 markets. Howard is saying that Clear Channel has every right to boot him off the air, they just need to pay him for the contracts they had with him. They're refusing to pay those contracts for some reason.
Howard seems to think that it's pretty funny that Clear Channel is suing him for his broadcasts even though they were the ones putting the show on the air. If they thought it was indecent, they should have taken it off the air before then. Howard claims that they attempted to contact Clear Channel after they took him off the air and they weren't returning phone calls. They're claiming they told him to clean up his show or it would be taken off the air. Howard says they never told him any such thing.
Howard played a few more of the news reports about this subject. The reports got some laughs because the whole thing is so funny. Howard said this was his laugh-of-the-day yesterday. He loves that he gets to drag Lowry Mays into depositions now. He can't wait for that to happen. Howard took some phone calls after playing the tapes. One guy told Howard to stop talking about this stuff and get back to farting and burping. Howard told the guy to tune to another show if he wasn't happy with what he was hearing. Howard was in the mood to talk about this stuff so that's what he's going to talk about.
Howard mentioned that Steve O would be on the show later. He also said that Chyna Doll (previously known as Joanie ''Chyna'' Lauer from the WWE) would be coming in. Howard thought it was funny that she changed her name just adding on the ''doll.'' Robin said she was surprised that she'd come back to the show because she ends up getting pissed every time she comes in. Howard had to go to break shortly after talking about that.
Howard told Robin about Semisonic's song ''Closing Time'' and how it was actually about birth and they were using the analogy of leaving a bar or something like that. Robin thought that was kind of weird because you never hear about the baby in the song. Howard said the baby is the person leaving the bar. They argued about that for a short time and Howard kept saying it was an artistic thing the band did.
Howard was drinking from a Pittsburgh glass that came with the gift basket that his new affiliate in the city sent him. He said the basket came from PGHBaskets.com. Howard read a bunch of notes from the people at the radio station who were welcoming him back. He noticed one thing where a person signed off with ''A.E.'' and he wasn't sure what that was. Gary told him it stands for ''Account Executive'' because they don't call them salespeople anymore. It's a new thing radio stations are doing these days.
A listener called in and played some tape of a news report that had just run earlier in the morning. The report wasn't much different than what Howard had run earlier but it got him talking about the Clear Channel lawsuit again. Howard thinks that he won't even make it to court though, he thinks that Clear Channel will settle out of court and he won't be able to talk about the case if that happens.
Howard said there were a lot of people posting on the HowardStern.com bulletin board yesterday. He mentioned seeing Daniel Carver and many other people posting stuff on the bulletin board. Howard read a letter from a software company where they talked about the amazing amount of people using the site at one time. It's apparently the busiest bulletin board on the web right now. The problems they're having aren't with the software, it's all with the hardware they're using.
Howard talked about some of the things people were looking at and posting about on the site last night. He said that a lot of people were going crazy about the Clear Channel stuff.
Howard played a tape from NBC where the F-word slipped out over the air. Howard says that the FCC claims to have a zero-tolerance policy so they should be getting fined for that. Howard knows that the FCC won't fine them though. He asked his fans to file some complaints with the FCC because he knows that they're hypocrites and won't fine them. He said that's the ''retarded aspect'' of all of this indecency stuff. He has no problem with the F-word because that's how people really speak. It shouldn't matter if it's aired on TV or not.
Howard had a clip from the local CBS 2 news where a woman says Baba Booey as they're wrapping up the news when Ernie Anastos flubbed a line. They spent a minute on that and moved on to try and talk to High Pitch Erik who was supposed to be on the line. He wasn't there so Howard ended up doing an impression of him making up a conversation with him. Howard talked about some of the stuff Erik posts on the bulletin board and how he's always kissing people's asses on the show. He said he mentions Richard Christy and how great he's doing on the show. That led to Howard playing the bit that Christy put together using clips of Richard Simmons talking about chubby pickles and milking his pickle. The clips were from Richard Simmons' audio book so Howard asked him to create one with Dr. Phil because he had one of those audio books. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard played Robert Goulet's version of ''Restless, Restless'' which is in the final 3 of the contest. Howard and the guys like it even if Vinnie doesn't. Robin was talking about how bad the lyrics are for the song. Artie said he thought it was written about coming out of the womb... a reference to an earlier conversation.
Howard said that someone told him about the Gena Lee Nolin sex tape that's floating around. He said that he's pretty sure that the tape is something that Gena wouldn't want out there but he saw it for free. He talked about how young Gena was in the tape. She wasn't wearing any makeup because it was shot at home or somewhere like that. She was standing there talking about her breast implants and how they were hurting her at the time. The guy in the video asks her to take her top off but she's in pain. Howard said that it's just not sexy because she's in pain. She takes her bra off and then takes her panties off and she's got a really great body. The whole thing isn't that sexy though because she's in such pain. The whole thing was non-sexual. There's one part where she's on all fours and Howard's girlfriend said that it looked like she should have showered before the video shoot. She was showing a ''harvest moon'' at the time. Gary noticed that as well when he watched the video.
Howard continued to talk about the Gena Lee Nolin tape and how the guy locks down the camera so he can get in the video himself. Howard described him as being a real dufas and a douche and you wonder how he got her. She starts making out with the guy and then they cut it off when she asks to go watch the tape. Gary said that the guy grabbed her painful implants at one point in the video which is disturbing.
Howard and Michael talked about the Clear Channel lawsuit and how Howard will get to depose the head of the company, Lowry Mays. Howard told Michael how ridiculous the whole counter suit is. Their argument is ridiculous because they're saying that his show was indecent for 10 years but they continued to air it the whole time. Howard is pretty sure that it won't even go to court though and they'll settle before that happens.
Howard and Michael were talking about how pissed off people get when they're told they can't watch or listen to something. Howard would like his fans to stop going to Clear Channel concert venues but he knows it's tough because they own just about all of them. Howard changed subjects and told Moore about a friend of his who was going to vote for Bush and how he tried to convince her that voting for Bush isn't right. She is a big supporter of his and wouldn't change her mind because she's not for abortion and she thinks that Bush will fight terrorism. Howard told Michael that the woman also said that she would not go to see ''Fahrenheit 9/11'' because Moore doesn't take care of his body and he's fat. Howard said that just because the guy is fat doesn't mean anything. She probably listens to Rush Limbaugh who is fat so that doesn't make any sense.
Howard and Michael talked about Ralph Nader who has said some stuff about Moore's weight. Michael seems to think the guy has lost his mind or something. He said the open letter the guy wrote was just really strange. Moore talked about his movie a little bit and how they point out that they sent in less troops to Afghanistan than the number of police they have in Manhattan.
Moore pointed out some other facts about the amount of money we're spending over in Iraq and how ridiculous that is. He says that we spend $500 million every two days over there and it's more than we're spending to protect our own borders. Howard took some phone calls after that and a guy called in to say that there were reports that some nuclear warheads were found in Iraq. Howard said that those reports were unfounded and not confirmed. Howard said even if there were nuclear warheads in Iraq, there are some in North Korea so why aren't we invading them? Howard read a news report about the nuclear warheads where they say that the reports were fake and nothing was found. The caller said that he heard that report on Rush Limbaugh's show yesterday. Howard had to bail out on the call because the guy was still talking about the warheads even though the story turned out to be phony.
Howard wished Michael luck with his movie and said he hopes it makes another $100 million. Michael said that there are reports that this movie has made more money than any Disney movie that has come out in the past couple of years. Disney dropped the distribution for the movie because of the controversy and now it's made more money than any of their movies. Michael also thanked Howard for all of the support he's given to the movie. He said that he wishes that Howard could see all of the mail he gets from soldiers over in Iraq and how glad they are that they're exposing this stuff. Howard wished Michael luck again and got off the line with him.
There were some people who were complaining about how hard it is to get on the message board because Howard keeps mentioning it. Howard read one about how Penthouse magazine has been bashing him lately. Howard had no idea that was going on. He said that he wouldn't think that magazine would support Bush like they're doing.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he wonders what will happen if Moore wins an Academy Award for his movie and thanks Howard for his help in getting it into theaters. Howard said he doesn't think Moore will even mention him. That led to Howard talking about Stephen Baldwin for some reason and how he's become a born again Christian so he's got to be even more annoying than ever. Howard played the message Stephen has on his answering machine. He says ''God bless'' at the end of the message. Howard and the guys goofed on him a little bit.
Gary said he spoke to Adam Carolla about coming on the show on Friday and when he found out that Stephen Baldwin would be on with him, he wasn't so thrilled. Gary asked him what the problem was. Adam told him that Stephen used to just be an ''arrogant blowhard'' but now he's an ''arrogant blowhard with a bible.'' He said a couple of funny things about Baldwin and how tough it was to talk to him before, now he has the power of Jesus behind him.
Howard mentioned that Chyna Doll would be on a little later so Fred started doing his Herman Munster impression and goofed on her voice as that character. Howard wanted to play that Richard Christy/Richard Simmons bit again so he had to dig through some tapes he had laying around. He found it and replayed the bit. Howard said he told Richard about Robin's audio book after hearing this book so he might take clips from that and create one of these things.
Howard brought up the article he read about Don Imus yesterday and how he was claiming to have 40 million listeners. Someone wrote in and said if that was true, he'd have 20 percent of the Americans in this country listening to him. Howard said the guy would be the most famous guy in the country if that was the case. The reporter didn't check the facts when she reported that Imus had 40 million listeners.
Howard got a letter from a guy who said that the food they serve at Imus' ranch was actually created by this guy Chef Ron who was eventually fired by Imus' wife. The guy claims that Imus' wife is taking credit for the great food there at the ranch as her own but it was actually this guy Chef Ron who created it.
There's a guy trying to find out who owns Howard's old Channel 9 shows. Another guy talked about how hot Beth is in her FHM magazine layout. He was responding to the woman who called in yesterday to talk about how Beth was a butterface. Howard whipped through a couple more similar e-mails and then took a commercial break.
Howard had another clip from that ''Your Face or Mine'' where they asked the contestants who was better, Kojo or Joan Rivers. The contestants picked Joan and the audience picked her as well. The next one was Star Jones vs. Ruben Studdard. The contestants picked Star but the crowd picked Ruben. Gary came in and said that they do some other funny stuff on the show where the contetstant's ex's are brought in and they have to choose who's better. Howard hates the host of this show and just wants to get rid of him. He played the John Stamos vs. Ethan Hawke where Stamos was picked the better looking guy. He played one more with Jack Black and Rosie O'Donnell. Jack won over Rosie.
Joanie said that she's being sued over a bunch of stuff and she's got this boyfriend who she has to break up with and how bad she's been treated. She's been fighting lions and tigers in Japan and some other odd stuff. She was rambling about a bunch of stuff so Howard had to slow her down. Joanie says she hasn't been getting much work but things are turning around for her now.
Joanie said that things got bad when Triple H married Vince McMahon's daughter. She had a ton of stuff going on at the time but that all fell apart when she left the WWE. Howard wondered if they got rid of her because Vince's daughter wanted her out. She wasn't sure but called them all ''chumps'' and said that they're unethical in the way they treat people. Joanie was calling Triple H ''Triple Ass'' whenever she mentioned him.
Joanie talked about how she has tried to use the ''Chyna'' name even though the WWE owns the name and they've threatened to sue her over that. She said she's been sued by agents and managers as well. The WWE is still threatening to sue her right now. Howard tried to find out more about what has gone on with her career. She said she was making about $250,000 at one point in her career and Playboy paid her over a million bucks so she was doing fine.
Joanie went out to Las Vegas and that's where she's working now. She told Howard she injured her hand on a piece of equipment in her apartment. Howard asked her about her boyfriend and how she ended up getting arrested when she was trying to have him removed from her apartment. She said that the guy told the cops that she'd hit him so she was arrested. Howard wondered how things got so bad. Gary came in a second later and read an article they had about this arrest and what happened that night. The stuff he was reading wasn't about that night that she was arrested. Joanie said that she was crying that night and it took 5 cops to arrest her. She was put in jail for 4 days and it was pretty bad.
Howard wondered if she's going to continue to date wrestlers after all of that. He suggested that she try dating some chicks instead. Howard then gave her a plug for an appearance she's making as a judge for the World's Most Beautiful Transsexual pageant (MostBeautifulTranssexual.com) out in Las Vegas this week. Joanie went on to say that she saw this Miss Universe contest recently and she was not impressed with the women she saw. She thinks the transsexual contest will be a lot more fun. They'll be doing a talent and beauty contest at the pageant and she thinks it'll be a lot of fun. Howard wondered if people ever think that she's a transsexual herself because she's so muscular. She said she's never had that problem.
Howard let a few phone callers through to ask Joanie some questions. He also brought in Joanie's brother Tobey who was there to talk about the music he and his sister have created. A couple of callers talked about how manly she is. One guy asked her if it hurts her balls when she gets slammed to the mat. Another caller asked her why she doesn't get into some porn. She said she has a home video of her and her boyfriend Sean having sex and she is thinking about releasing it. She's afraid that it might not get released if Sean is mad at her and doesn't want it to be released. Howard let a few more phone callers through including Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com). Chaunce said he knows someone who has seen the tape of Chyna having sex on tape and it's supposed to be pretty hot. Chaunce also told Howard that Joanie used to be a belly dancer and if she can do that maybe she should be a stripper. Another caller said that when he saw Joanie in Playboy he was blinded and he wanted to blame her for that. Another guy asked her if she has ever tea-bagged any of her boyfriends. One guy said she's a hermaphrodite. That guy ended up getting into an argument with Joanie for a short time.
Another caller called in as Joanie's sister and he was doing his Herman Munster impression. Gary told Joanie that she really should release this sex tape because it would prove to all of these guys that she's a full woman. She doesn't seem to think that's the main reason she would release it though.
Howard spoke to Tobey about this song that they had to perform ('Holiday'). Tobey had to tune up his guitar first. Howard told Joanie that she looks like she's on the verge of tears every time he sees her. She said she's not but things have been pretty bad over the past couple of years and things are just now starting to turn around. Joanie seemed a little concerned about the looks on some of the guy's faces in there. They looked angry to her. Howard said that the guys she was looking at are a scary bunch... Fred, Benjy and Artie.
Joanie and Tobey performed this song of theirs but Fred did his Herman Munster impression pretending to be Joanie warming up first. Howard started singing the ''Restless, Restless'' lyrics along with Tobey's music as he was ending the song. Robin said she liked their song. Tobey invited Howard to come perform with them at The Roxy with them. A few phone callers talked about how out of tune the guitar was and how out of tune Joanie was. One guy said it would have been a little better if Joanie had loosened up her jock strap. Another caller asked her who has the bigger penis, her or her brother. She just laughed at most of those dopey questions.
Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Joanie another plug for that Transsexual pageant she's judging. He also wondered what's included in the sex tape she wants to put out. She said there's some singing and dancing in it as well as the sex stuff. She didn't want to talk about everything in the tape because she doesn't want to get sued. Howard asked her if there were condoms used in the tape. She said she doesn't like them so they didn't use one. He also asked her about whether or not she has a period because she's got so little body fat. She said that she isn't too far from that monthly thing right now. Howard told her to come back in when she has the tape available so they can talk about it. He wished her luck at the transsexual contest but she said she wasn't in it, she's just a judge.
Howard had Steve O come in next. He didn't have much time for him because he showed up late. He sarcastically said that he was surprised that he wasn't reliable. Steve told Howard that he just didn't want to get out of bed this morning, that's why he was late. Howard said that Steve is dating a model right now. Steve said he's dating May Anderson who appears in some Victoria's Secret catalogs and she was in two Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues.
Steve said that they basically just party together and smoke a lot of weed. He told Howard that he was smoking weed out in the green room this morning before he came in. Howard told him he can't do that, it's illegal. Steve just laughed.
Steve told Howard that this chick is only 22 years old and he's staying with her in the City while he's there. She hasn't told her mother much about Steve because of the stuff he does. Steve wanted to move on from that and talk about some video game he's involved with. Howard wanted to stay on that subject and find out more about this chick.
Steve had a stunt to perform there in the studio. Howard asked him not to do something crazy. Steve said that he had a safety pin he was going to sterilize first. Artie just laughed when he said that. Howard asked him not to do it but Steve wanted to go ahead and stick the safety pin through his cheek and then closed the safety pin so it went around his lip. Howard was barely able to speak as he saw it. Steve was in a little pain so he had to take the pin out. Artie applauded the stunt but Howard was stuck on the fact that he was bleeding.
Steve told Howard he woke up at 7:45 this morning and didn't even know if it was AM or PM. He raced over to the studio and figured he had to do something to freak Howard out. He came up with the safety pin thing on his way over to the studio because he had to freak Howard out with something. A phone caller told Howard that it's great to hear Howard telling someone to stop doing something like that. The guy was impressed with what Steve had done.
Steve told Howard how he met this model May Anderson at a party he was invited to. He was there sitting next to Sean Penn, Lars Ulrich and Johnny Knoxville. Dave Matthews came over to the table to shake Sean Penn's hand and Steve told him his buddies get pissed when one of his songs comes on so he has to skip it but when he's alone, he's really into it. He said that Matthews was really cool about that and admitted that he's kind of feathery and fluffy when he sings. Howard isn't into his music and wasn't even sure which songs are his hits. Steve O told him that ''Satellite'' is probably the best known. He sang about 2 words from the song to remind Howard which song it was.
Howard heard that Lars Ulrich was kind of cheap at this dinner Steve was at. Steve said you'd think that Lars has hundreds of millions of dollars. He made the table split up the bill after dinner. Lars and Sean actually split the bill between the two of them so Johnny and Steve didn't have to pay anything. Steve thought that was kind of weird.
Howard wondered if Steve is spending tons of time with this May Anderson chick. Steve said he's always out partying with her and he can't get enough of her. He doesn't really bring her into his world because he doesn't have a world of his own. A phone caller told Howard that the chicks they're getting are all about the money. He says he looks like Brad Pitt but his wife isn't hot. Steve said that he probably isn't making her laugh, that's what it's all about.
Bobo called in and asked Steve how many tetanus shots he's gotten. Steve said he only got 1 because they last for 10 years. He said he's almost gotten enough rabies shots to make them permanent. He needs just 3 more and he can get bitten by any animal he wants.
Howard gave Steve O a plug for a couple of things he has coming out. He's featured in the ESPN video game NFL 2005 and he's got a new DVD coming out in August. Steve told Howard they brought him on for the video game to make it as filthy as possible. Steve then went on to tell Howard a quick story about going into 50 Cent's studio where he smoked some weed with the DJ that was there. They put on a bunch of 50 Cent's jewelry. He was on an urban radio station doing an interview and said something like ''I don't have a racist bone in my body but I like to consider myself a nig*er.'' He didn't really get in trouble but he knows his manager was sweating and thinking about the security he'd have to hire after that.
Howard told Steve that if he ever gets his girlfriend to get another girl in bed, he has to call him and let him watch. Steve said that he'll pull out his video phone and record it for him. Steve told Howard another story about doing a show somewhere that he gave out 2 dozen eggs to the audience. The band that went on after him ended up getting egged. One of the guys from the band came over and poured a beer on him and it ended up landing on a chick. Then he told his buddy Chris Pontius about it so he went over and tried to fight the band. The band ended up locking themselves in their trailer. After that Clear Channel only paid them half of what they were supposed to be paid. Steve said a few things about them that got the delay button hit. Howard had to wrap up the interview right after that.
Artie talked about how hot the chick (Jillian) on the E! show was last night. He said she had the nicest natural breasts he's ever seen. A phone caller told Howard that he was trying to get on the bulletin board as they were speaking but he wasn't able to get in. Howard told him that everyone should be able to get on soon because they're constantly adding servers and stuff trying to catch up with demand. Howard ended up giving the guy an Apple iPod mini just for calling in. The guy sounded pretty happy about that. The caller was a black guy so Howard was trying to talk to him in his black voice. He also had a bunch of goofy clips of a group of people saying stuff like ''Bling Bling,'' ''Representin','' ''Off the hook'' and some other goofy stuff like that. He played around with that stuff for a short time and then had Robin get into her news again. He ended up playing the Dave Matthews ''Satellite'' song which he isn't a fan of.
Double A called in and said he loves the bulletin board but there are a lot of haters on there. He wants to know what kind of chicks guys are getting to be able to call Beth a butterface. Howard said that everyone is just having some fun on there and he doesn't care what they say. Howard said they're going to start a sensitive section on the site for people like Double A if he doesn't want to see the negative stuff. He started playing the Dave Matthews song again and said that could be the theme song for that section of the bulletin board. Gary eventually found the song that Howard wanted to play. It was a cover of the Oasis song ''Wonderwall'' that Ryan Adams did. Howard likes the song and said he'd put it on his iPod if he could. Robin hates that version of the song and she's said that in the past. Even Howard admitted that it sounds kind of gay.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard that he has to check out his wife Debbie's thread on the web site because she's got about 1000 posts on there. Howard told Vinnie that the threads he tells him about don't always interest him. Vinnie's phone connection was horrible so Howard bailed on that call.
Howard talked about Jimmy Buffet who has put out another album. He read a promotion for the album and wondered who actually likes that guy. Robin said she doesn't know any Jimmy Buffet fans. Artie said he knows a couple... and they work at the Post Office. They spent a couple of minutes on that before Robin finally started her news.
Howard started off saying that they had a pretty busy show today. He then brought up this event that was held the other day in Central Park that Benjy went to. Benjy still has no voice because of it because it was a screaming against violence event. You're supposed to go up and scream for 15 seconds if you are against violence in any way. He explained how you scream for 15 seconds and then keep silent for 15 more. Howard wasn't sure who came up with something like this but Benjy went over there and screamed for the full 30 seconds instead of staying quiet for 15. Benjy annoyed people so much that Doug from E! says he'll never go to another event with him again. Doug told Howard that he's super annoying and out of control.
Artie pointed out that Benjy always fixes his hair when he gets on camera for some reason. Benjy whispered that it really bothers him that it looks that way. That led to Howard and Doug goofing on him for a couple of seconds. Howard then played the audio they had from the event. The whole crowd yelled at the top of their lungs for 15 seconds and then stopped... but Benjy continued to yell ''I hate violence'' at the top of his lungs for the other 15 seconds. Howard said some of the hippies there were encouraging him to keep going because he was so passionate. A reporter then went over to him and asked him how he was feeling. Benjy responded to that and then started yelling out even more. He jumped up on the stage and started to make a speech to the crowd.
Benjy was telling the crowd that they were all showing that they still gave a damn about stopping violence. The crowd was with him for a few seconds but he quickly turned them against him. Howard said when you see the video the woman who organized this thing had a look on her face like she thought he had the crowd on his side but she didn't know who he was. Benjy then starts talking about getting erect and how he's small when he's flaccid but large when he's erect. The crowd quickly turned against him and booed him. Benjy knew he'd gone too far by that point.
Benjy was asked to leave the stage but he continued to yell to the crowd about the war in Iraq. No one was responding to him at that point. There were just people trying to remove him from the stage. Benjy continued to yell about the War but people from the crowd were yelling at him to go away. Then people started to run away from Benjy and the crowd, of about 50 people, just scattered. Benjy continued to yell while a calm man told him that this was not what they were all about.
It wasn't over at that point. Doug said that was only about 10 percent of what happened. Benjy continued to yell about his insecurity with his penis while the event organizer was being interviewed about what had happened. The guy was explaining what his dream was for this event. Benjy was asking the crowd if there were any questions for him. People were yelling out to him to stop yelling because he was interrupting the interviews that were going on. Doug said that Benjy threatened to hold his breath if they didn't stay with him. Benjy asked one of the organizers if he was with him and the guy told him not to talk to him.
Doug said he separated himself from the whole thing so he wouldn't be involved with the whole thing. Doug said they sent down one of their PA's for the first time so he had no idea what was going on. Benjy told the organizer that he was going to go up on stage and hold his breath until they paid attention to him. The organizer told him to shut his ''F***ing'' mouth while he did the interview. Doug said he thought Benjy was going to pass out on stage while he was holding his breath. The peaceful crowd threatened to get the police to remove him so Benjy mentioned that the cops are the people who beat Rodney King.
Doug told Howard that after that Benjy stopped and grabbed a basketball from a couple of black guys who were playing ball. The guys who were playing were deaf and didn't know what to say when Benjy ended up picking one of them up. There was even more stuff going on after that. Doug said that Benjy kissed one of the black guys as well. Howard cut him off and let some phone callers through to talk about this. One guy said Benjy sounded kind of insane after all of that.
Doug explained how Benjy stopped to look at a dog and a few seconds later he was on all fours sniffing the dog's ass. Doug said they have all of this on video. Howard asked Benjy why he did that. Benjy just responded with ''I was against violence.'' Doug said the dog ran away after Benjy rolled on his back and sniffed his ass. Doug said he told Benjy to stop doing what he was doing at the rally but he just wouldn't do it. He asked the camera guy to break off from him so he would calm down. Benjy ended up getting into an argument with a homeless guy and pushed the camera man and Doug into his girlfriend. Howard figured he must have been showing off to her if that's what happened.
Doug told Howard how Benjy bought a shirt before going to this event. He got it all sweaty and covered with dog hair and went back to return the shirt about an hour after he bought it. They couldn't bring the camera into the store but Benjy tried to return it. Doug said the people there looked like they wanted to kill him. He also said that the guy is funny and he never stops with his goofy behavior. He is out of control. Doug says he thinks he's funnier than the Jackass guys and Tom Green.
Benjy said that the group is meeting every month and he may try to go to another one next month. A few callers, including Joey Boots, told Howard that this was funny stuff. Joey said that he was laughing his ass off over all of this and he used to hate Benjy. He told Howard to keep a camera on him all the time and just let him go out on the street and mess with people.
Howard played Benjy's intense screaming again after that. Joey Boots told him that he has to have him go down to the Republican National Convention to mess with some of those people. The guys said he'd probably get shot if he did something like that. Howard went to commercial break right after that.
The woman on the phone said that she thought the concert she was going to was a VH-1 concert but when she got there she found out it was Clear Channel. She also told another story about a yard sale she went to that was another Clear Channel event. She said she asked them if they were trying to raise money to pay Howard Stern and they gave her a hard time about that.
Howard said that yesterday the head of the FCC, Michael Powell, had a big meeting about the ownership rules they have for companies that own broadcast stations. He said that Powell called the meeting but didn't even show up for it. He thought that should have been big news but no one cares.
Howard moved on and played some tape from a channel that was reporting on Jimmy Kimmel's divorce. He first talked about how Jimmy sent him an e-mail telling him ''F-you'' because he was goofing on him for crying on his show the other night. The report that Howard played said that Jimmy's wife is looking for like $83,000 a month. That led to Howard and Robin trying to figure out how much Jimmy must be making for her to demand that much. Howard figured that Jimmy must be bringing home about $100,000 a month. That would leave just about nothing for Jimmy after he pays his agents and other people. Howard said marriage is a scam these days because there's no way that woman deserves that much money. Robin said that Jimmy should just quit so there won't be any money coming in.
Gary told the guys about a baseball player who ended up quitting so he wouldn't have to shell out that much money to his ex-wife. Howard said there's no way that it costs that much money to raise kids these days so how can she demand that much money. Gary told Howard about this guy from The Lord of the Rings movies who is making a lot more money these days and how his wife is demanding more support even though they've been divorced for years now. He can't figure out why the woman thinks she deserves more money.
Howard said he knows a lot of women who don't ever have to go to work because they've been married and divorced and got a lot of money from that. He talked about how insecure he's been ever since college about making money. He never thought that he'd get divorced and have to keep paying his wife.
Howard brought up his bulletin board and how Robin finally got on last night. Howard said he kept getting messages from Vinnie Favale about how she was finally going to get on. He was making a huge deal about it for some reason. Robin said she got on and nothing happened. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the bulletin board and how busy it has been. They're supposed to knock up the maximum number of people to 5000 at a time. Robin said she thought a lot of the names on the board are funny and the avatars are pretty funny as well. She talked about some of the Artie names people use. There are a bunch of KC names and stuff like that. Fred says he'll be on the board this weekend sometime. The guys wondered if Vinnie Favale ever works because he's always on that bulletin board. Howard said the guy can multi-task. He's working for Letterman over at CBS and he still manages to get on the bulletin board and stuff like that. Howard had to take a break after that discussion.
Bobo told Howard that he tried to log on to the bulletin board last night but it wasn't working for him. Howard was trying to find some notes about the amount of people who have signed up for the bulletin board but he had to flip through a bunch of other stuff. It turns out he didn't have it because he didn't send it to Jason to print out. He had to dig through his e-mail on his computer. He went on to read about how the guys at Dreamtank are working to get more people on the bulletin board. Howard figures that Bobo may have been blocked out last night because of the amount of traffic they had. Howard told Bobo that he's got even more stuff coming up in the next month or so. He's been beta testing this stuff lately and he can't wait for people to see it. He said that he brings people the stuff they want.
Stephen Baldwin was running late this morning so Howard made a quick mention of that. He said that Stephen is now a born-again Christian so he's going to be even more annoying than ever. Robin said something about him being in rehab but Howard and Gary didn't think he'd ever been in rehab. Howard read an article about Stephen's wife commenting on her husband's new found faith. He had audio of Stephen claiming that Regis won't let him on his show because of the religious content in his stuff. Baldwin was talking about how Gellman over at Regis' show is probably the one keeping him off of the show. He wants to wrestle Gellman over the whole thing so he can try and get on Regis' show.
Howard read an article about President Bush going to an anti-abortion meeting and used the word ''Feces'' instead of ''Fetus'' during his speech. The e-mail he read said that he made the mistake about a dozen times. Howard said if that's true he wants to get tape of that so he can play it on the air.
Gary told Howard that Stephen Baldwin was about 10 minutes away but Howard told him he blew it because they had other stuff to get to. They had porn star Tabitha Stevens there to play a game with some people so they had to get to that soon.
Howard played some voice mail they've gotten lately. John the Stutterer left a voice mail for KC telling him he's glad he's back on the show after his break. John was Stuttering like crazy so Howard wondered why he doesn't just e-mail instead of leaving a voice mail. John says that he has a new manager who used to be a boxer and a boxing promotor. It took him about 2 minutes to get that out though. Fred did his impression of John making fun of his long stutters. He wants to bring in some chicks to get naked. Howard said he loves when he has hot chicks there who ignore John because John gets so pissed off at them. Fred did his impression of John yelling at the girls to die because they end up ignoring him so much.
This woman, Hate Woman, who always leaves hateful messages has returned. Howard played one of her messages where she talks about Howard's ugly face and skinny body. There was also a message from a guy for Artie about being bald, fat and hairy and complaining about the President. There were a couple of messages from Hate Man who always leaves messages about Robin where he calls her the N-word and goofs on her. At the end of his messages he always yells out one of the terms he uses during the message. In one message he gets pissed at his dog who barked during his message.
Captain Janks called in and mentioned some of the people who he's seen on the message board lately. Howard said they've been giving passwords to guests like Chyna Doll who was on the show yesterday. That led to Howard playing the song she and her brother played on the show yesterday. Howard said he couldn't figure out what was going on with that. She has a very unique voice and he thinks that she may have been making up the lyrics as she was going along.
Howard had to take a break but quickly mentioned that they had Tabitha Stevens there to play a game so a brother and sister could win a date with her. He continued to play Chyna Doll's song for a few more seconds but he had to take a break. He ended up talking about Metallica for a few seconds after mentioning that James Hetfield would be on the show next week. He went to break right after that.
Tabitha came in and Howard said it looked like she had more collagen in her lips. She was also wearing a dress that showed the crack of her ass. That's what Stephen Baldwin had gotten upset about. Tabitha told Howard that her body absorbs everything she gets put in so she has to keep doing that stuff. She told Howard about how Stephen had come into the green room and walked out when he saw that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
Howard said that there were two brother/sister teams there and they'd be competing for a ''date'' with her. Howard gave her a couple of plugs for her web sites TabithaStevens.com and TabithaMessages.com.
Howard had the first brother and sister team in. They were Aubrey, 24, and Brandon who was 18. Howard said he could see the family resemblance. Aubrey said that she's actually married. She heard the mention on the show one day and she dreams about women all the time. She's been with a more women than men in her life but she's had some bad experiences with some of them. She's had a problem with a woman being too hairy. Then she had an experience with her maid of honor the night before her wedding. She said that went all wrong that night because a guy got in on the experience and ruined it. Aubrey said she's pretty open to that kind of stuff and one time there was a woman who was 8 months pregnant when they tried to hook up with her. Brandon said he found this all to be a little strange. He said that he does some bi-sexual stuff himself so Howard asked him why he wanted to be with Tabitha. He didn't really have an answer.
Howard read that Brandon has been with over 200 women. They weren't really sure if he was lying about that or not. Gary said he'd be impressed if he had just 50 women by 18 years of age. He said he's been with 15 guys as well. Robin asked him if he's a top or bottom. Brandon said that he's a bottom in the gay stuff. Tabitha sounded kind of blown away by all of that stuff.
Aubrey told Howard that she and her brother have discussed what would happen if they win this date. She says she will get the first shot at Tabitha before her brother does. She said that she once saw him with morning wood but didn't say fi she had ever seen him naked. A listener called in and asked what the chick looked like. The guy asked what was bigger, Aubrey's ass or Tabitha's teeth. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker asking the questions.
Howard moved on and had Aubrey tell Tabitha the reasons they wanted to win the date with her. They had a minute to tell her everything they wanted to say to her. Brandon got in a few seconds of ass kissing himself trying to win the date. Gary asked Aubrey why she got married to a man if she's always dreaming about women. She explained to them how she needs a man sometimes and that's why she got married.
Howard brought in the next brother/sister team, Amber and Joe. They both said it was kind of weird to be doing this stuff. Howard had Tabitha take her clothes off for them and they said it was very nice. Amber said she hadn't been with a woman but does fantasize about it. Joe said he's been with a few women but no nearly as many as Brandon. They talked about what they will do if they win the date with Tabitha. Amber said that it doesn't have to get weird but Gary told her it got weird when they showed up. Joe said that he will be in the background when his sister is with Tabitha if they win the date. He said that it would be kind of weird to watch that.
Tabitha was completely naked at this point. Howard gave Amber and Joe one minute to plead their case to Tabitha. They said they think they could have a good time. Joe said that he almost totaled his truck on their way down to the studio. He said that some old woman ran into them and drove off. Artie was laughing as he heard that. They were supposed to be trying to pick up a chick and they were talking about a totaled truck. Howard goofed on Joe for a few seconds after that.
Howard had Tabitha make her decision. She said it was tough to decide on this one but Howard said she had to make it on her own. She had to pick the first couple because they were out of control and because Brandon was a ''bottom.'' Howard said that Amber looked a bit upset after losing out to the other team. Howard gave them a mini Apple iPod as a gift for coming in... but they had to share the one iPod because that's all he had for them. Howard gave Tabitha a couple more plugs for her web sites and started to wrap up.
Gary said that he talked to Tabitha about her life and how few friends she has. She sits home all the time and doesn't really have any friends. She told Howard she has some self esteem problems and that's why she gets all of the plastic surgery done. She said she feels ugly and that's why she keeps doing the plastic surgery. She said it's not working for her though. Howard tried to talk to her about that stuff and how she should stop with the surgery. Tabitha said she sits at home and cries sometimes and gets really miserable. Gary said that she does a lot of stuff for her family and they don't seem to appreciate her. She never gets a ''You're doing a really good job'' from them or anything like that. She hasn't done porn in 3 years now but the family still doesn't pay much attention to what she does. Howard wrapped up the interview and went to commercial break.
Uncle Paulie had never heard of such a thing and ended up goofing on Adam. He said he's supposed to be a man. He had never heard of Adam or Jimmy Kimmel either. Howard got back to Adam and asked him about this party he went to for the Axe deodorant. Adam said that he was asked to show up to this party and he got paid something like $5000 to show up at it. Uncle Paulie was rambling about Adam smelling like onions and garlic for some reason.
Adam told Howard that he's in to promote ''Crank Yankers'' and not that deodorant. He said that the reason he is in the city is because of the Axe deodorant thing. He told Howard that Steve O was at the party last night with his hot model girlfriend. He said he was ready to kill himself after seeing that. Howard said they felt the same way when Steve O was in the other day.
Howard brought Stephen Baldwin in next. He was carrying a bible when he came in. Howard asked him about this born-again Christian thing he's into now. Adam told Howard that Stephen is an obnoxious guy and he knows it. He said now that he's found Jesus Christ, he's entered a new stratosphere of obnoxious. Howard wanted to play the tape of Baldwin talking about how Gellman seems to be keeping him off of Regis Philbin's show because of the religious content of this DVD he's selling. Uncle Paulie got on his ass about this stuff as well but Stephen couldn't understand what he was saying. Uncle Paulie asked him what kind of Christian he was because there are too many Christians out there. He said he was using the name of the god for promotion and he shouldn't be doing that. Adam told Stephen that this was good practice just in case he ever has a meeting with the Pope. Uncle Paulie continued to ramble about how he doesn't believe Stephen, he only believes in God. Adam threw in a plug for ''Crank Yankers'' while Paulie was rambling.
Uncle Paulie asked Stephen about his religion and what it was all about. Stephen started to explain to him that he's a born again Christian but Uncle Paulie didn't get it and started to make fun of Stephen and his religious beliefs. Howard took over after that and brought up the crazy bachelor party they threw for him years ago. He wondered how Stephen went from that to this born again stuff. Stephen said that he is now at a place spiritually where he doesn't even look at the pictures of Howard's girlfriend in FHM magazine because they are ''tempting.'' Howard told him that he's a man... Uncle Paulie took over and told Stephen to ''Get out!'' of the studio.
Howard asked Stephen about the FHM thing and what he means about not wanting to look at that stuff. He thinks that this will last maybe another year with Stephen before he gets back to looking at women. Uncle Paulie jumped in again and told Stephen that he's a donkey and made some ''Eee Haw'' sounds.
Howard asked Stephen about the fact that he walked out of the room with Tabitha Stevens earlier when he saw her bent over. He said he just saw ''a person'' bent over like that and walked out. He didn't know who she was. Uncle Paulie said that he must be ''a gay'' if he did that. He laughed as he was goofing on him. Gary got in on the conversation and asked Stephen if he has stopped pleasuring himself. Uncle Paulie yelled at Gary for being a monkey when he was talking to him. Stephen said that he does not do that anymore but would not say how long it has been since he did that. He only has sex with his wife now. He has the power now to not do that stuff.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this is just another addiction that Stephen has gotten himself into. She went off on him for a few seconds before Howard hung up on her. Stephen wanted to tell Howard about the stuff he's been doing lately but he knew it would be boring. Stephen said he's been touring for a while now with this Christian Skateboarding thing and he's been to 50 cities lately. Tomorrow he'll be at a Walbaums on Long Island.
Howard let a couple of phone callers through to yell at Stephen. One guy said he thinks Stephen is full of crap and no one can not look at Tabitha Stevens. Howard wanted the guys to bring her in so he could see him not looking at her. Stephen got in a plug for this web site LivinIt.org where you can find out more about the Christian Skateboarders. While he was talking about that stuff Uncle Paulie was making snoring sound effects as if he were bored with it all.
Howard said he knew the old Stephen Baldwin and this was hard for him to believe. Stephen said he had a hard time believing it as well. His wife became a born again Christian and that's what got him into it. Howard figured that they would have gotten a divorce if he didn't make the switch. Stephen said that wasn't the case but it did save their marriage because he saw the changes in his wife. They became closer because of it.
Howard asked Stephen about pleasuring himself and how he doesn't do that. He didn't want to give details about whether or not he has ever done it in the past couple of years but he said if he is 3000 miles away from her and thinks about his wife while doing it, it might be considered okay because what you believe in your mind is what matters with Jesus.
Howard let a few more people bust Stephen's balls about this whole thing. Uncle Paulie got in on it some more and yelled at Stephen while Stephen asked all of the Christians out there to start praying for Uncle Paulie. Howard then told Stephen that in 2 years he'll be divorced, drinking and going to strip clubs. He doesn't believe that he can stick to this stuff for that much longer. Howard asked for Tabitha to come in but she had already left. Stephen said that if he's walking down the street and sees a good looking woman walking toward him on the street, he doesn't have to turn around and look at her backside. Gary came in and asked if he's looking at a woman's backside, is he doing something wrong or is it just something he can't do. Stephen gave him a long explanation about what he thinks about marriage and what people should be doing.
Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Stephen about what he thinks about the Jews now that he's born again. Stephen talked about that stuff for a minute and told Chaunce to go to ChosenPeople.com. He says he doesn't think the Jews are wrong. Gary had some more questions for Stephen after that. He asked about some of the things they had in their notes about him. They found out that Stephen is starting his own ministry now. Howard said he knew that he couldn't just be one of the people sitting in the pews. He said that's where he needs to go when he's done in radio. That's where all of the money is. Stephen had no comment when the guys asked him about abortion. He said that was a sticky situation and he didn't want to comment.
A caller told Howard about how he was fired because of Stephen Baldwin. He told a story about how he complained about no getting tipped at a golf event and ended up getting fired after talking about it on the air. Howard cut the guy off and didn't let him go on much more.
Stephen talked about this skateboarding video he's got out and also gave him a plug for his new coffee Loco Joe that's going to be sold in Walbaums supermarkets on Long Island. Uncle Paulie started to yell at Stephen to get out of the studio again after that. Howard asked Paulie to calm down so Stephen could get in some more plugs. He's going to be touring the Walbaums supermarkets on Long Island tomorrow all day. He's starting out in Long Beach then moves on to Deer Park, North Pachoug, Riverhead and South Hampton. He also got in a plug for Distributorship.com and blessed Howard and the other guys who were there.
Howard had to wrap up after that but it was mayhem with Uncle Paulie yelling and Adam cracking jokes about Paulie. Howard gave Adam another plug for ''Crank Yankers'' and tried to put an end to the fun. Uncle Paulie was still going nuts yelling at Stephen. Adam's forehead wasn't sweating at all even with all of that stuff going on. Double A called in and said he wants to hear more from Uncle Paulie. Paulie started to go off on Stephen again. Vinnie Favale called in and gave Stephen an ''F, Marry Kill'' game which included his wife, Jesus and God. Stephen had no idea what he was talking about but Vinnie ended up yelling at him about not being Solomon or something like that. It was still insanity in there. Stephen got in one more ''Praise the lord'' before Howard finally cut to commercial break.
Doug admitted that the show kind of sucked with him and Joe as the hosts. Howard said at least he's willing to admit it. Doug told Howard that he's married now so that led to them talking about how he knocked up his wife but he paid for her to get an abortion. He was hoping to see Stephen Baldwin because he wanted to call him out on the part where he said that if he thinks about him wife while pleasuring himself, that's okay. He said that's no tin the bible like Baldwin was claiming.
Howard asked Doug about his wife's abortion and how that went. Doug was making jokes about how people tell him that it was a living thing so he says ''So are genital warts...'' If it's going to irritate you the rest of your life, burn it off. Howard heard some other stories about Doug and how he has chased 600 people out of one of his shows one time. Doug said he was billed as ''family oriented entertainment'' when he did a show at Ohio State University one time. He said there were tons of people walking out on that show.
Howard had Mike move on to his game after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard heard that Doug was kept off of Adam's radio show at one point because he was on The Man Show. Adam said that wasn't the case and it was Joe Rogan who was kept off the show because they didn't want to help out the people who produced the show. It wasn't Joe that they were trying to keep off the show, it was just the promotion for the show that they didn't want to do. Adam said that Jimmy is the puppet master with all of that stuff, not him.
A listener called in and said that he had the same operation that Adam did. He had it done to stop the sweaty hands. He said that he sweats from other places more just like Adam does. Doug asked why they just don't get all of those sweat glands cut off so they don't sweat at all and just pant like dogs. Adam said it's like a Rubik's cube and the sweat just keeps moving around.
Doug asked Adam if he ever dated any of the Juggies on the show. Adam said he never did. Doug said that the Juggies hated him and Joe Rogan. They wanted to get new Juggies for the show but they had a hard time with that. They wanted to get rid of the original Juggies that hung around for after Adam and Jimmy left but that never happened. Howard told the guys that he had to get out of there so he had Robin start her news.
During the news the guys were busting Adam's balls about how Jimmy is the more successful of the two of them. Adam said the show had become like a ''soap in the sock beating'' for him after the ball busting. The guys talked about Jimmy and his girlfriend Sarah Silverman a little bit as well. They talked about how Sarah is really hairy but Jimmy claims that he likes that. Robin did some news stories in between the ball busting. Howard tried to get the show over with early but that wasn't happening.
Howard couldn't get over Adam's forehead sweat operation and kept bringing it up ever few minutes during the news. Adam couldn't believe that Jimmy Kimmel had told Howard about that because it was relentless goofing. It went on right up until the end of the show around 10:40 this morning. Howard gave everyone plugs and threw in another joke about Adam's sweat. He said he asked Adam to come back on the show sometime and Adam told him ''No sweat.''