Howard started off the week talking about how there are articles about him starting his own radio network on satellite radio. He said he didn't even know about that. He thought it was a great idea after reading about it. He figures he could do better than the 300,000 listeners satellite radio companies have now. Maybe he should start his own company. He figures that anyone can create his own studio and broadcast over satellite. He never considered it before. He thought it would be pretty funny to have a rocket ship in his own back yard with a satellite ready to launch. Robin told him he wouldn't have to even do that. Howard said he's not sure he believes in himself enough to do something like that on his own though.
In People magazine there's a story about Robin starting her own talk show. There's news about her weight loss and stuff and she's on the cover of the magazine. Howard figured that she must have a publicist because she managed to get on the cover of People. Howard said the before and after pictures of her are pretty drastic in the magazine.
Howard talked about the movie ''Shattered Glass'' that he watched yesterday. He told Robin about the movie and she hadn't seen it. He said that Tom Cruise produced the movie and there weren't many famous people in it but it was really good. He told Robin she'd love it because it was done so well. There's no Karate or anything like that but he liked it anyway.
Cabbie called in and told Howard he couldn't start up his own satellite radio company because those licenses were up for a bidding war a while back. Howard told Cabbie he can rent time from satellite companies and that's how you go about doing something like that. Cabbie said it wouldn't be the same technology as they have now though. Howard read some of the article to Cabbie and according to them, he could do it somehow. He continued to read the article and they say that Howard is afraid he'll be fired from Infinity and may go to satellite.
Howard is pictured with his girlfriend in the article he was reading. He said she didn't understand what she had to do with the article when she saw it in the paper. He talked about how Beth was showing him some of the pictures from her photo shoot that she did recently down in Florida for FHM magazine. He said she wouldn't let him take them to work because she knew he'd be showing them to the guys.
Howard talked about Cabbie carrying around a picture of his girlfirend's ass. That led to the guys talking about Cabbie's past gay experiences. Howard also brought up a story that he read about a guy who was gay but then woke up one day and decided that he liked women. Cabbie told Howard that he just experimented back before he was in the Army. Howard said it wasn't that long ago though.
Gary asked Cabbie what happened that made him decide that he wasn't into doing gay stuff. Cabbie said he just wasn't into it and stopped messing around with dudes. Howard said he never even thought about going there with guys. Cabbie said something that ended up getting the delay hit. It had something to do with peanut butter and a dog. Howard told Cabbie that he was mentally ill for doing whatever it was that he did. Howard had to take his first break after getting off the line with Cabbie.
Howard said that Clear Channel keeps saying that he hasn't been fired, he's been suspended from those six stations. Howard read the memo they were sent and talked about how they're saying that he's the liar. He told Robin that he was going to go see the Van Halen tour when it comes around but now he hears that it's a Clear Channel event. He's not going to support them. Howard brought up how Clear Channel just yanked his show off the air one day and the next day they went in front of Congress and threw him under the bus.
Clear Channel claims in the memo that they are still paying Howard's fees despite conflicting reports (from Howard). Howard said maybe they will start paying him now but his agent tells him that they haven't been getting paid. He also doesn't get the zero tolerance policy that Clear Channel has because they don't stick by it. He feels that he stuck to their indecency policy better than Elliott in the morning.
Howard is waiting to find out what Clear Channel's rules are so he can comply with them before they put him back on the air. He said it's a bunch of B.S. and it's all because he attacked George Bush that actually got him ''suspended'' from the Clear Channel stations. He doesn't even know what that means. He figures they're just saying he's suspended so he can't go to another radio station in those markets and kick their ass. He said if he's off the air for 30 days for any reason, he can move to a competing station.
Howard asked Benjy about the movie he was talking about earlier called ''Shattered Glass'' which was about a reporter who made up stories for a newspaper. Benjy did some research on some people who allegedly wrote in and had some negative stuff to say about Howard. One of the letters was from a place that didn't even exist in Florida. Howard wondered why nobody picked up on that.
Howard said that Artie is going to Mickey Mantle's tomorrow morning before the show starts to watch the first pitch thrown in Tokyo for this baseball season. Howard wondered why they have something like that going on at 5 in the morning. Artie said they've been doing this for the past couple of years and it seems to work out pretty well. Howard said he has to interview some of the guys over there when he's there.
Howard asked Robin what she did this weekend. She said she was down in Baltimore visiting her ''brother.'' She had to explain who this guy actually was. She said this is a guy who was a foster kid she knew when she was growing up. She said she just calls him her ''brother'' because he was raised in her house until he was about 3 years old. She found him a few years back and hooked up with him again. Howard said that whole thing is crazy where you take other kids in and then they move on to other families. Robin said she wished she'd been able to go with him when he left. Robin said that her parents did all of that for the money. It was an extra $700 a month She said it was extra money for food and they didn't have to modify the house at all.
Robin told Howard that they had a light skinned black kid at one point and people thought that they were kidnapping him or something. He had blond hair and blue eyes but he was part black according to Robin. She said that everything about her house was weird. Robin said that those kids were out of the house before her father could get his hands on them. He waited until she was 11 or so before he started molesting her.
Howard told Robin about his weekend as well. He had the kids in for the weekend. He said that his daughter Debra is turning 18 soon. His daughter Emily is in college so he doesn't get to see her that much. He said his mother complains that she doesn't get to see the kids that much either. Howard spent a minute on that and then had to take another break.
Howard continued to play the Moody Blues thing and goofed on that for a couple of minutes. After that Howard played the clips he had of Michael Jackson and Vincent Price working together on the ''Thriller'' album. Howard and Artie thought that the Moody Blues guy sounded a lot like Vincent Price. Howard started doing his own ''Breath deep'' thing after making his voice really deep. He came up with his own lines for the Moody Blues goof.
Howard brought up Condoleezza Rice's interview on 60 Minutes last night and how she's still refusing to testify about what went on around September 11th. Howard said it's sad that she won't testify but President Clinton had to go on TV and talk about getting oral from an intern.
Howard had tape of Jay Leno reading his book ''If Roast Beef Could Fly'' to kids on The Today Show recently. Howard said the book is ''wicked bad'' and even Gary's kids didn't like it and they love to read everything. In the tape Howard had, Jay was asking the kids if they knew what a rotisserie was. Then he was talking about how he used to use a comb to get the juices from a roast beef to his mouth.
Gary told Howard that his 6 year old son said the book was boring and the guy in the book (Jay) had a big head. Howard continued to play the tape of Jay's book reading and goofed on the guy for a couple of minutes. Howard thought the story that Jay was telling was just about another dad with a bad temper. Robin said she still doesn't understand the title of Jay's book even though he'd just told the story about his father throwing the roast beef out the window after his comb got stuck to it and melted to it.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel's show, which is live, ended up letting an F-word fly the other night. Howard played the tape but his guys didn't bleep the F-word so he had to hit the delay himself. Now Howard thinks that Jimmy's show is going to get fined for letting that word fly.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in and said that there was an article about how there are no ''live'' broadcasts there anymore. Every station has a delay now. Howard said that's what it's come down to now and you can't have a live TV show. Janks said that he filed a complaint against the Oprah Winfrey show and he got a letter back about it. He said that the letter said they are looking into it now. Howard doesn't think they will actually do anything about it though.
Janks had his latest prank call. Janks called into a law show called ''Law Journal'' where they had a judge on. He asked him what he thought about what's going on with Howard Stern. They cut him off but did talk about it a little bit. They said that they will take up that subject one of these weeks but didn't get to it on that show. Janks said that the guy was a Supreme Court Justice but Howard wasn't sure if that was the case. Howard had to take another break after that.
Robin asked if it's possible to take a bad ass and make it a great one. Howard said that's not possible. Howard wished Bob luck with the magazine and said that it's on the newsstands now.
Howard had a few women who came in to show off their asses. Bob was going to tell them who had the best one. Howard had the women behind a black curtain so he couldn't see their breasts or faces, it was all based on their ass. Howard had each person show off their ass to Bob so he could see them all. Howard said that number 2 had a big ass. Number 1 was flat according to Bob. It also had a funny fold but it was also nice looking. Number 2 looked like a professional ass with some testosterone in it. Number 3 was a little bit flat according to Bob as well. He ended up picking number 2 because it had the best shape. It turned out to be Nicole Bass (NicoleBass.com) the female bodybuilder.
Howard said that numbers 1 and 3 were men. Howard was hoping that Bob would pick out number 1 or 3 but he was able to pick out the one woman's ass. Howard said hello to number 1 who was Brett Wolf. Number 3 was Gay Ramone who asked what was wrong with his ass. Bob said that there was nothing really wrong with his ass but he had no idea that it was a man's ass.
Howard gave each of the contestants $250 courtesy of the movie ''The Punisher.'' He spent a couple more minutes talking to Brett Wolf, who said he's a gay porn star, and Nicole Bass. Howard wondered if Nicole has ever had sex with a woman before. Nicole said she hasn't done anything at this point in her life. She said that she just had sex with her husband last night. Howard didn't believe that for some reason.
Brett told Howard about his porn career and how he's won some awards for his performances. He said that his specialty is that he's a ''Power Bottom'' and he can take a lot down there. He got in a plug for his web site BrettWolf.com and said a few things that ended up getting censored out of the show. Howard had to stop talking to him after that. He wrapped up the segment and went to break after that.
Howard is in the newspapers every day these days. He said that he hired a publicist to keep him out of the papers years ago. Now he can't avoid it and Robin has a publicist to get her in the news. She and Howard talked about that for a short time. Robin said she's just getting her name out there to let people know that she's available for work. She's willing to do commercial work or voice overs and stuff like that. Howard wondered if Robin would be afraid of losing her credibility as a news woman if she did a commercial for something. He thought about that for a few seconds and said that no news person seems to be worried about that these days.
Robin said that this publicity thing was planned last year before all of the stuff with Howard started happening. Now she's getting some attention but it's not really the right time because everyone wants to ask her about what Howard is going through. She told Howard that she turned down a role in ''Son of the Beach'' because she was going to be playing an Oprah Winfrey type. She didn't want to get stuck in a role like that. She is looking to do some kind of entertainment show or even a game show. Howard said he might grab her himself to do something for him. Robin said she would like to do some guest roles on some TV shows as well. She said she doesn't need a recurring role, she could just do some walk ons. She's ready to make her TV comeback since she hasn't done anything in years.
Robin said she's even willing to do some Broadway stuff. She says she has energy these days so she could work nights if she had to. A listener called in and said that Robin has a catch phrase that no one has really noticed before. At the end of her news she always says ''And that's what's happening.'' Howard said that's right and she's goofing on Ryan Seacrest for his ''Seacrest Out'' slogan.
The caller Howard had on the line brought up how David Lee Roth was in The Sopranos last night. He said that his hair looked odd but he was in the show. Howard hadn't seen the episode yet so he didn't want the episode spoiled for him.
Robin told Howard that he missed her ''Favorite things'' list in the newspaper last week. She said that one of her favorites is this place called the Whole Foods Market. She said all of the food there is organic and it's great. Another listener called in and said that Robin is an awful actress. He told her how bad she was in ''Private Parts.'' Howard thought she was great in that though. She also did an episode of ''The Fresh Prince of Bel Air'' and a TV movie.
Robin was telling Howard about how she was gaining weight when she was on steroids for some illnesses she had. She said that she wasn't able to work out and was just eating normal amounts of food. She was having cravings for food and wasn't working out so she gained weight. Robin went off on Howard about how he thinks she just sat around eating so she'd gain weight. KC asked her if she lost breast meat when she lost all of this weight. She told them that she lost a cup size after losing the 80 pounds. The guys said she wears a lot of tight pants and stuff to show off her new ass.
Robin talked about how much Bob Levy's roast hurt but she had to laugh at it. KC says that Levy takes credit for Robin's weight loss because of the roast he did. Howard gave Robin food gifts when she as at her biggest as well. Artie pointed out that he gave him a ton of Jack Daniels for Christmas this year. Howard said he gives those guys stuff that they're into so if they're into food, he gives them food. If they're into getting drunk, he gives them alcohol.
A listener called in and asked if it was time for Robin to do Playboy magazine. Howard and the guys would love that but Robin doesn't sound like she's into it. She said she would think about posing in a bathing suit or something but that's about it.
Howard got back to Sarah who came in to play The Wheel of Gas. He spent a couple of minutes talking to her about her body and how good she looks. She thinks she can attract better guys if she has a bigger chest and more self confidence. She says the $2,500 could help her get the implants because she already has some money saved up.
Gary told Howard that this girl has never had an orgasm. She can't even give herself one. She said she's been with two guys in her life and has had sex about 20 times. She has a vibrator and even that doesn't work. Howard said her parents must have done quite a job on her. Howard read the notes about her and she claims that every time she's had sex it's been horrible.
Howard had the guys bring Junior the Farter in to play this game. Howard said that it's being sponsored by ''The Punisher'' the movie. He then explained the rules to Sarah. She's going to have to let Junior fart on her for a certain amount of time depending on what she spins on the Wheel of Gas. She has to be within 6 inches of Junior's ass while he farts. Howard told her she could walk away and he'd give her $250. She chose to keep going. She also has to spin another wheel to find out whether or no she has to keep her mouth open or closed while Junior farts in her face.
Sarah spun the Wheel of Gas and hit the ''17 Minutes'' on the first wheel spin. She then spun the other wheel for open or closed mouth and hit the ''Open Mouth.'' She then had to lay down on the floor so Junior could fart on her face. They had to go 17 full minutes with him farting. Junior needed more space to work his magic. Junior then started blasting away while Sarah laid there and took it. Artie and KC were laughing hysterically as they saw this happening. Howard was laughing as well. Junior had to stop for a second to reload. Sarah was fine the whole time and didn't have a problem with Junior farting right in her face.
Howard asked Sarah how she was doing while she was laying there. Her only complaint was the fact that she as being choked by the microphone wire. Time wasn't flying during this. It seemed like Junior had been going forever but it had only been about 3 minutes. Sarah said that she couldn't smell anything during the farting but Mike Gange from E! said the smell was horrible. He was covering his face but it wasn't helping. Sarah said that Gange smelled more than the farts did.
Junior kept the farts going and everyone thought that they smelled awful but Sarah insisted that they didn't smell. There were a couple of delay hits during this segment. The farts must have been going too long for General Manager Tom Chiusano. Some people were impressed with Junior's wide range of fart types. He has many different types of farts that he demonstrated during this farting event. Howard had to take a break but he didn't want to miss the end of the farting. He was 10 minutes in and if they went to break, they might miss it.
Howard said Sarah looked like she was falling for Junior. She said that he was pretty cute from the angle she was seeing him from. Howard decided to pause the farting so they could take their commercial break.
Junior said that Bijou said she had a kid so he told Howard that. She wanted to get closer to Howard so he could give her a look at her body. Howard told her that she didn't look like she's had one. She has a 5 year old and no husband. Howard sent her over to the Wheel of Gas so she could spin it. He was going to give her a plug, $250 and a year membership to Bally Total Fitness. She ended up getting 5 minutes on the first wheel and then spun the second one and hit the ''Open Mouth'' on that one. She said she'd do anything not to have to do the open mouth thing.
Howard had Bijou lay down on the floor and get ready to take Junior the Farter's farts. She screamed out as he bent over her. Junior started farting and she was squealing out like she was in pain as he blasted them in her face. She was ready to bail out on the whole thing after 10 seconds but Howard told her he'd give her a plug for the place she works at if she went through it. She then gave up a short time later and said that Junior smelled horrible and it wasn't worth it for the stuff she was going to win. Howard told her to do it and she said she would only if she could hug Howard. He told her he'd let her hug him if she did it. She got on the floor again and Junior started his farting again. She was ready to throw up after 11 seconds. They kept stopping the clock and restarting it so Junior could fart on her.
Bijou kept moving so they kept restarting the clock. She just wasn't handling it very well. She was gagging and she didn't even want the hug from Howard anymore. She kept saying ''This is so wrong...'' over and over again. She plugged her nose up so they restarted the clock again. It had been over a minute when they restarted it. Then she flipped out when Junior touched her face. She didn't want him touching her so she freaked out and yelled at him. She was also pinching his ass and yelling about how there were stains on his ass. Howard had to stop the game after that.
Howard took some phone calls after that. Guys were calling in to complain about Bijou. She was annoying to some people. Howard told Bijou that she lost everything because she bailed out on the game. She seemed most upset about losing the hug from Howard. Junior was still farting in the background as Howard was telling Bijou what she lost. Then he let her get in a plug for the web site she works for. That site is at CenterfoldStrips.com.
Bijou asked for a spanking so Howard had Gary do that. He whacked her as until she screamed out in pain. She said his hand prints were on her ass. Howard was willing to give Bijou another shot in the future sometime. He wrapped up the segment and went to break after that.
Rob was at 269 pounds and has lost a total of 66 pounds. Tomas is in the lead right now. They were within a pound last week but Tomas pulled out ahead of him. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the guys about their weight loss. The guys are playing for a grand prize of $10,000 and a ''date'' with porn star Corina Taylor. Howard wrapped up that quick segment and then moved on to Robin's news.
Howard started off the show playing the Blue Oyster Cult song that he was included in. His cousin (by marriage) asked him to do it but it turned out horrible. He played the section where he speaks during the song and it was pretty creepy. It was just a quick bit that he did that only lasted about 5 seconds. Howard said he never actually listened to the song before. He just listened to himself. Howard also played the Moody Blues song where a guy speaks and starts off saying ''Breathe deep...'' Howard said that's the guy that Blue Oyster Cult really wanted. He replayed the song he was in and goofed on himself a little bit.
Howard played the rest of the Moody Blues song and tried to figure out what it means. Robin seemed to think it had a meaning and told Howard what she thought it was. Then they tried to figure out what the Blue Oyster Cult lines meant in the song that Howard spoke on. It sounded important to Howard and Robin but they still didn't know what it all meant. Howard admits that he's a bad voice-over guy and he always freezes up when someone asks him to read something like that. He's not like Vincent Price on the Thriller album. He had a behind the scenes recording of Vincent Price and Michael Jackson reading for that album. He played a little bit of that and pointed out how good Price was at doing stuff like that.
Howard read for some commercials when he was younger. He got a commercial read one time but he froze up when he went in for the read. His voice wouldn't get as deep as it should have been and he couldn't do it the right way. He was accused of not being the same guy who sent in an audition tape. The commercial was for a band called Voyage.
Artie said he did a commercial for Lays potato chips years ago and got checks for 3 years after that. He only had one line in the commercial and still got paid good money. Howard said Beth did an American Express commercial with the Queer Eye guys but he hasn't seen it yet. It's been over a month since she did it and he still hasn't seen it.
A listener asked Howard about changing the intro to his E! show. Howard hates the intro because he's all bent over in it and it didn't come out that great. He said the effect you see in the intro took forever to do. He said it came out okay but it's not all that great.
Howard read a story about Jay Leno and how he wanted to take bits from Saturday Night Live and play them on his show. He talked about how uncreative Jay is and how he's always lifting stuff from other shows. He also wanted Phil Hartman to be his sidekick who would do his impression of Ed McMahon while sitting next to him.
A listener brought up a story about Robin that was in the news today. Howard had the article so he read it. The story was about how Robin travels a lot. Howard told the caller that Robin has a publicist now and that's where all of these stories are coming from lately. In the article they ask Robin where some of her favorite vacation spots are. She talks about Napa, California and how much she likes the wine. She likes the Dorchester in England to stay at as well. As Howard was reading the article as Robin, Fred was playing a bunch of Robin's one liners and laughs in the background. Howard thought that Robin sounded like royalty as she was responding to the questions in the article.
Howard wondered what the big plan was with all of this publicity. Robin said there may be some TV interviews coming up but she didn't say where that might happen. Howard said they talked a little bit about this stuff yesterday and they found out that Robin would like to do a guest appearance on a drama. Artie said there was a beautiful picture of Robin in the article they were talking about.
Robin said it's possible that there will be a series of TV interviews coming up soon. She's not saying exactly what she's doing for some reason. She told Howard that he'll just have to wait to see where she shows up. She's not sitting down with David Letterman or anything like that. Howard said this publicity thing seems to be working because he's seeing her all over the place.
Robin mentioned that David Spade is amazing because he has managed to save ''8 Simple Rules'' somehow. She hated that show without him and now she actually enjoys it. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then went to commercial break.
Artie was over at Mickey Mantle's restaurant this morning to see the opening game for the Yankees. He said he was interviewed by the TV show Cold Pizza and the YES network for about 30 seconds. Then as he was leaving Craig Nettles said something to him about using his name when he books a room at a hotel. He knew that Artie did that and asked him not to get hookers when he does that because then they think that he's getting a hooker. Artie spent a couple of minutes on that.
Gary came in and told Howard that Artie has a bet on this opening game but it's meaningless. Howard asked Gary who he thinks he is telling someone that their bet is meaningless. He was just saying that the team hasn't even played yet so it's kind of a waste. Howard got back to Artie and asked him what he ate over at Mickey Mantle's. He had bagels and lox and stuff like that. Howard asked him if he's gassy all morning long. Artie said he is but he's not one to fart because he doesn't have much control and he's afraid he'll crap his pants.
Benjy's diet came up next. Artie talked about the grocery bag of food that Benjy brings in every day. They said that it looks like he's eating the whole bag of groceries every morning. Artie and Fred talked about some of the odd things that he eats and how bad it smells. Benjy said he just has to keep eating. Benjy is dieting but he's constantly eating. Howard talked about his own diet and how he really doesn't eat all that much. He asked Benjy if he does any exercise. Benjy said he bought a mini trampoline that he runs on. Artie said he was over at his place and the trampoline had food on it like it was a little table.
Howard told the guys that his girlfriend made him dinner last night and then had frozen bananas for desert. When he was starving while watching The Sopranos, he ate a couple of hard boiled eggs. He doesn't understand how anyone can eat Jell-O like Benjy does.
Artie spent a couple more minutes talking about the Yankees opening day and how the flight from Japan is going to screw up the team for the rest of the week. Howard spent a couple more minutes on that before he had to take another break.
Howard read some e-mail about the Wheel of Gas thing they did yesterday on the show. People seemed to like that bit. He also thanked Marshall Fine for writing a nice article about the show. Howard also mentioned that they put links to a lot of these articles up on his web site HowardStern.com.
Howard had some more e-mail to read. There was an angry Moody Blues fan who complained that Howard called them ''crap'' but Howard doesn't remember calling them crap. He listened to them when he was in high school. The guy was also upset that the group isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Howard brought up some of the people in the Bush administration. He played some tape of John Ashcroft singing and goofed on him. That led to Howard talking about Clear Channel and how they're a bunch of phonies. He pointed out how they fired him for what he does on his show but then there are people doing worse stuff on their stations and they don't get fired. He also said that John Hogan is lying in the memo he sent out to all of his radio people. Hogan claims they're still paying Howard's contracts even though Howard has received a letter from them saying that they're not going to pay.
Howard brought up Britney Spears and how she's doing concerts for Clear Channel and she's cursing and using the S-word during her concert where kids are watching. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with cursing but people are worried about their kids all the time and they're letting their kids see that stuff. He played a couple of clips from Britney's show and talked about how bad she really is. He said that JD told him that she only sang on about 3 or 4 songs and lip-synced to the rest of them. Britney has also started changing around her hit songs making them unrecognizable. He played a couple of examples of that and they're horrible. The guys talked about how unlistenable the songs were.
Howard told Artie that the Yankees were down 6-3 at this point in the show. Artie could lose up to $2,400 if the Yanks lose. Howard moved on to some more mail after that. There was someone who complained about some misspellings in one of the articles they put up on HowardStern.com. Howard said they did that on purpose because it was a letter that someone had written in.
Howard read more mail from people who told Howard to keep up the good fight. There was an e-mail about Courtney Love and her wacky ramblings. The person claims that her behavior may be caused by the use of Oxycontin. Howard said he's not sure about that and he doesn't know that she's an ''Oxy-addict'' as the writer claimed.
Captain Janks called in and said that the newsgroups are really nasty and people are brutal in them. Janks said there aren't that many Stern fans there, it turns out to be a bunch of non-fans who just love to flame other people. Howard said that he would like to have a forum on his web site for his fans but his site isn't that sophisticated at this point. Janks said those groups are really brutal and this discussion will probably put it into overload in those groups.
Another caller asked Howard if it's possible to have sex with the girls at Scores. Howard told him they don't do that over there. Howard talked to the guy about strip clubs and hookers for a couple of minutes. The caller said that he hires call girls and escorts and was wondering if he can get that kind of thing at a strip club. The caller told Howard about the Asian women he hires and how hot they are. He said he can get some really beautiful girls for $60 or sometimes up to $220. Even if they're not that hot he still bangs them because he's afraid to reject them. Howard asked him what his worst experience ever was. He said that he was once slapped across the face when he could only come up with $50 tip for a woman who finished him off. He said he tries to treat them like human beings because he knows what they put themselves through.
The guy said that he even performs acts on the hookers. Howard said he's just asking for trouble doing that. He says it's almost impossible to get AIDS from doing oral like that. Howard told him that the chicks are high risk. The caller said that he uses a condom when he has intercourse. Howard asked him if any of the girls stick around and give him a freebie. He said they usually stick to the hour long session and then leave.
A few other callers got in on the conversation. One guy said that this guy has to be lying about this stuff. There was another guy who said that Asian chicks always look like they're dying when you get on top of them to bang them. Howard spent a few more minutes with the guy and then got off the line.
Howard moved on to other stuff after that. He said he was on this web site called FatChicksInPartyHats.com and there's some really weird stuff there. He had the guys showing some of the shots from the site on the studio monitors. He was showing the other guys the nasty fat chicks and how horrible some of them looked.
Another caller told Howard about the sex vacations he goes on. He told Howard how he books vacations through a couple of web sites where you get to go to Columbia and places like that. You hook up with women down there at certain clubs you're brought to. Howard spent a couple of minutes with that guy and then took another break..
Howard explained what happened during yesterday's second edition of ''Wheel of Gas'' and then replayed some of that interview. He started it at the point where she was trying to get close to Howard. He let that play through for a few minutes. The end of the bit was censored by Tom quite a bit where Bijou was talking about the wet stain on Junior's ass.
Howard had some tapes from people who have been entering the ''Get John's Job'' contest. He wasn't playing them in any particular order. He played one from a guy by the name of Tom. Tom just sang about getting himself hired. Howard wasn't a big fan of that one. Sal the Stockbroker sent one in as well. Howard played the song parody that was on Sal's entry. Of course it was a song about Baba Booey to the tune of Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful.'' Howard played one from Mike who did a phony interview with Tony Soprano about Howard. Howard said the bit was a good idea but it didn't go anywhere.
Joey Boots sent in a tape. He did a prank call to Gary the Retard using some Jay Leno audio clips. Gary the Retard was talking to the tapes as if they were a real person. Howard said they should hire Gary the Retard for a week. Howard said he had a bunch more to play but Al Franken was there. He told Robin about how good Al's book is and how much he enjoyed it. He had to take a break before bringing Al in.
Al said he starts his own radio show tomorrow at noon. He will be doing a 3 hour show then. Howard told Al that it will be tough to do a liberal radio show but he will succeed because he's funny. Howard told him that the stuff he does is funny and he's good at it. Al said they're going to call the show ''The O'Franken Factor'' as a goof on the Bill O'Reilly show.
Al told Howard that the sales of his book spiked the day that Howard talked about how much he liked it. Bill O'Reilly said that he doesn't call people liars but he obviously hadn't seen his own show. Al told Howard how he did research on Bill and found things that proved he was a liar. He found out that Bill lied about his show ''Inside Edition'' getting a couple of Peabody awards. He did some research on that and found that he never did. It turns out that the show didn't win a Peabody, it was a Polk award and the award wasn't won when he was working on the show. Al said that Bill didn't win anything. He went on to tell Howard about how Bill challenged him to come after him after he was confronted about that stuff.
Al told Howard that Bill has also claimed that no one grew up poorer than his family did. Al said that he grew up in a middle class family. He has worked hard to get where he is but his family wasn't that poor. Howard said he also went to private school.
Howard talked to Al about how his book and his thoughts on the Republicans and Democrats. Howard said that someone like Rush Limbaugh is always agreeing with what the Republican Party does and says. He said it would be more interesting if he disagreed with the President once in a while.
Al told Howard that he's going to read his live commercials as Rush Limbaugh. He did a quick impression of Rush for Howard and it was pretty funny. Al went on to tell Howard about some of the stations he's going to be on around the country to start off the show.
Al told Howard about being sued by Bill O'Reilly and how that all came about. He ended up winning in court after O'Reilly tried to sue him about something that was in one of his books. Howard wondered why Al insulted him in the beginning of the book. Al said that it was a joke and it was just his dumb style of writing.
Howard told Al about this guy Scott DePace who works for E! and how he gets all of his stuff from Rush Limbaugh. He said that Scott was out in the halls yelling about how drilling for oil up in Alaska is good for the wildlife up there. Scott was saying that we should drill there because it's a place that he will never see unlike a state like Texas. Al said that the administration only knows about oil even though George Bush wasn't able to find oil in Texas. Al and Scott argued about a few things for a couple of minutes. Howard read some other things that Scott has said about the economy and other stuff and let Al debate him on that stuff.
Howard told Al that he sounds ready for his radio show. He then took a phone call from a guy who said that Al has a coke problem and he's goofing on Rush about his drug use. The caller was really belligerent so Howard had to hand up on him and let Al answer the question. Al said that back in the 70's he was working for Saturday Night Live and he may have had to use drugs just so he could stay up long enough to make sure that the other people he was working with didn't do too much coke.
Howard and Al talked about President Bush serving for the National Guard during the Vietnam war and how he managed to get out of that. They also talked about John Kerry and how he got the Silver Star back in the Vietnam war. Scott was saying that John Kerry hasn't supported the Military since then in his voting but that wasn't exactly true either. Al explained to Scott how Kerry has voted about some stuff and why he did it. They talked about a lot of what went on with the Iraq war as well.
Robin said that Al beat Scott on every argument and he still insisted on arguing. Howard yelled at Scott for a minute and then wrapped up the interview with Al. He gave him a plug for his radio show and said you can find out more about that at AirAmericaRadio.com. Howard went to commercial break right after that.
During the news Howard mentioned that he finally finished ''Freddy vs. Jason'' and the ending was really lame. He said it was set up for a sequel and it was just lame. He took a call from a guy who told him that the Philadelphia station was cutting out some of the stuff that he and Artie were singing about during the Afroman thing. They eventually found out that nothing was cut out by the station. They've been having problems with their satellite feed lately and that may have had something to do with what the guy heard, or didn't hear.
During the news Howard took a couple of calls and ended up playing some tape he was going to save for tomorrow's show. He had tape of this guy from a religious radio station talking about a petition he has to try and get the FCC to act on radio shows like Howard's and to get them shut down. This guy James Kennedy spent a few minutes talking about the indecency on the airwaves and how he wants to put a stop to it. He also wants to get the FCC to go after cable networks for the shows that are airing there as well. He gave out his address and asked for donations which help him stay on the air. Howard said he can't make money himself to stay on the air so he has to ask for money from his listeners.
After playing the tape he suggested that his fans go to his web site, HowardStern.com, and read about all of the stuff that's going on out there right now.
Howard started off the show talking about something that he played late in the show yesterday. He didn't want to get into it right away though so he mentioned that Tim Robbins would be stopping in today. Robin and Artie wondered how that happened because he's never been a fan of Howard's in the past.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who wanted to tell Howard how much she enjoys the show even though it was taken off in her area. She and Howard talked about Clear Channel and what they've been doing. Howard said that people are starting to see what Clear Channel is all about and how they're trying to take over certain things in the country. He talked about what they've done to the music concert industry and now they're doing the same thing with radio stations around the country.
Howard decided to play the tape that he played late in the show yesterday where a religious radio show host tells his audience that they need to organize against Howard Stern. He asks for money to help keep him on air and uses Howard's name to do that. Howard said that these people are in business to make money and hide behind the religion thing. They're just like the people we're fighting against in the middle east because they're religious freaks. Howard pointed out that almost all of the radio stations in the country are owned by 3 companies and Clear Channel is slowly taking over. He said that if the FCC can shut down and take away the licenses of Infinity Broadcasting, then Clear Channel can take over the rest of the stations. He says that everything about Howard and Janet Jackson is all a smoke screen so that big business (Clear Channel) can own all of the stations.
In the tape Howard played the broadcaster complained about the fact that there will be a TV show host that's a transvestite and a wife swapping show. Howard said that the wife swapping show has nothing to do with sex and the transvestite thing isn't a big deal. He said they're just trying to raise money in his name and they're using stuff like that to get people's attention.
Howard brought up George Bush and how his father is complaining about the way his son is being treated these days. Howard wonders why he's not worried about how the country is being run instead. He wants to get George W voted out of office this year and asked people to back him up.
Howard changed subjects and talked about the interview David Letterman did with Janet Jackson. He said it was horrible and Dave blew it when he couldn't get her to talk about anything. He believes that if Dave had talked to her a little bit before hitting her with the tough questions, she might have said something. He also defended Dave and said she really doesn't talk about much of anything for some reason and it may have been impossible to get her to talk about her secret life.
Howard read that singer Marc Anthony has started carrying a gun while he's dating Jennifer Lopez. He said it seems like anyone that dates J-Lo ends up carrying a gun. After talking about that for a couple of minutes, Howard had to take a commercial break.
Howard and Artie talked about the Yankees and how they're winning against Tampa. Then Howard brought up TheOnion.com who has a picture of Artie up on the front page and the title of it is ''FCC Sentences Artie Lange to Death'' or something like that. There's no article, just a picture and the title.
Howard read some e-mail and ended up talking about Stuttering John's new job on The Tonight Show. An e-mailer said that Jay Leno's head is morphing into the head that Eric Stoltz had in ''Mask.'' There were some other things said about John's first night on the show and how bad that seemed to go.
Some people wrote in about Artie jinxing the Yankees yesterday. They asked him to stop betting on them from now on. Howard also got some mail about his discussion about ''fructose'' that he and Robin had during the news yesterday. People wrote in about Al Franken's great appearance yesterday. A bunch of people wrote in about that and said they will be listening to Franken's new radio show. There were also some people who didn't like Franken and what he's all about. One guy wrote in and said he was going to boycott Howard's show because he had Franken on his show. The guy thought that Howard didn't like Franken but Howard said he didn't have a war against Franken so he's not sure what he's talking about. Another person told Howard that was the last straw and it's the end of the show now that Franken has been on.
Howard said everyone hated Scott DePace when he was in arguing with Al Franken. Scott came in and asked Fred if there were any positive e-mails about him. Howard said there were none. He read some of the mail to Scott who just laughed as he heard them. He read a couple of other e-mail letters and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard played the latest from Dan the Song Parody Man. It was the Mexican Crap Dance which was a bunch of fart sound effects put to the Mexican Hat Dance. He had to take a break right after playing that.
Howard said that these days you have to buy FHM magazine in a plastic wrapper because it's considered ''dirty'' for some reason. There aren't any naked women in there so he doesn't get that. He said it's ridiculous that they have to cover that stuff up like that.
Howard read a story about the congresswoman that they've made fun of for what she said to Mel Karmazin during some indecency hearings. Howard read that she accepted $4500 from Viacom between the years 1997 and 2002 and she hasn't returned the money. If she's so upset about what they have on their radio stations, why doesn't she return that money?
The Orlando caller asked Howard if he's going to move to satellite radio or not. Howard said that he still has 2 years left with Infinity and he doesn't have any plans at this point.
Howard let the caller stay on the line to play ''Name that Stinkin' Tune.'' They have some of the farters that have been on lately blasting out farts as songs. Howard played the first one but the caller couldn't get it. Howard wanted to give the guy a $500 prize. He eventually got it when he said ''We Will Rock You.'' Howard gave him the $500 prize which was courtesy of ''Kill Bill - Vol. 1.''
The caller told Howard how much he misses the show and said he wishes he could hear the show any way he can. Howard told the guy he has to put the blame on Clear Channel for that and make sure he avoids going to Clear Channel concerts and stuff like that.
KC told Howard that the fart songs they have also include some queefs from Debbie the Queefer. Howard got another guy on the line who was going to play. The caller was telling Howard that he likes Janet Jackson so Howard ended up talking about how big her ass is. He said her ass makes Jennifer Lopez's ass look non-existent. He goofed on her for a minute and then moved on to the next ''Name that Stinkin' Tune.'' He played the fart filled song and knew what it was. The caller also got it when he guessed ''My Sharona'' by The Knack.
KC had another one that was pretty tough. He let Howard and the guys play that one on their own. Howard listened to that one a couple of times and tried to get it. Artie and Fred both got it. They knew it was Joe Walsh's ''Life's Been Good To Me So Far.''
Howard got another guy on the line to play the game. He played the next song and the caller had no idea what it was. Gary came in and thought he had it but Howard told him to keep quiet because they were trying to play a game. It turned out to be Led Zeppelin's ''Immigrant Song.'' Fred and Gary were the only two who knew it. Howard ended up singing along to the song. He gave the caller the $500 prize even though he didn't know what song it was.
Gary told Howard that they may have the band Train to back them up for their Karaoke stuff when they go to Las Vegas in May. Howard had to take a break before getting to Tim Robbins.
Howard said that years ago John McEnroe used to get upset and yell at the judges during a tennis match. If this new indecency bill passes, something like that would lead to the tennis player getting fined. He talked about how ridiculous that is.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Tim about his height and how that must affect the jobs he gets. Howard figured he must have a tough time getting work. Tim told Robin that he actually walks with his knees bent sometimes so he looks more like the other actor's height.
Howard asked Tim if he ever gets aroused when he does love scenes. Tim isn't like Howard who was aroused the whole time he was doing the love scenes with his movie wife in ''Private Parts.'' He said he had to apologize to actress Melanie Goode when he was getting aroused while in the bathtub with her as well.
Howard and Robin asked Tim about his wife Susan Sarandon and their friends. Howard asked if Tim and Susan hang out with Julia Roberts a lot and if they go on vacation together. He said they're not that tight. Howard changed subjects and talked about how Tim was quite a playboy before he got married. He said he did have a few women but they weren't really famous. He said he had fun back then but he doesn't need his kids knowing about that stuff now.
Howard read that Tim was upset with his mother-in-law who said that he was brainwashing his kids with his political views. He's not actually married to Susan though so she's not really his mother-in-law. Tim talked about that for a minute and then asked him if he'll be backing Ralph Nader. Tim said that they have to concentrate on getting Bush out of office and they're going to have to vote for Kerry to make that happen.
Howard asked Tim about this play that he wrote called ''Embedded.'' Tim told Howard that they're having some fun with it even though he hates theater usually. He said they play some good rock music in the play and it's only an hour and a half long so it won't bore people. It's kind of controversial so some of the audience gets pissed off when they see it. It's been extended through the end of April so Tim wants to get the word out that it's still open. Howard said you can out more at PublicTheater.org.
Howard asked Tim about how he met his wife Susan. He said he met her at the auditions for ''Bull Durham'' and they got to do some love scenes in the movie together. He said she was great in the scenes with him. They were both involved with other people at the time though. They got to be really good friends working on the movie together and then they hooked up after the movie. Howard wondered if Tim even told her he was going to do his show today. Of course he did. He told Howard to say hello to her but Howard just figured that he told her he was going to do Regis this morning.
Gary came in and asked Tim if it was true that someone offered him some money to convince Ralph Nader to drop out of the run for President. Tim said that there was a guy who offered to donate a large amount of money to the Green Party if they could get Nader to stop from running.
Captain Janks called in and wanted to ask Tim a question. He was wondering if Tim ever banged Melissa Gilbert. Tim said that wasn't true and he never had her. Janks also asked him if he ever banged Mother Angelica so Howard had to hang up on him after that.
Howard asked Tim where he keeps his Oscar. Tim told Howard that they have a bathroom they call the Bathroom of Fame where they keep that stuff. He and Susan have been keeping the Oscars in their closet the past few weeks because they have some work going on at their place. Howard tried to find out if Tim and Susan had sex the night of the Academy Awards but Tim didn't want to talk about that stuff too much.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and asked Tim something about Elizabeth Hurley. His phone connection was horrible so Howard had to hang up on him. Tim knew what he was talking about and said that he was never against Elizabeth Hurley when she was working doing commercials when the union was on strike. Howard told Tim that he came out against her when she was doing that stuff.
Howard gave Tim another plug for his play and ended up singing ''America the Beautiful'' with Tim. He then thanked Tim for supporting his show. Howard told Tim to get some other people to support his show and come on to talk about it. He told him to get that ''loud mouth'' Sean Penn in there. He talked about how hot Sean's wife Robin Wright Penn is and how she drives him crazy.
Howard asked Tim what he thought of his performance in ''Private Parts.'' Tim said Howard was good so Howard told him he thought he deserved an Academy Award for his performance. Tim told him he needs to have a couple of hits then fall from grace... Then he'd get an Academy Award.
Howard asked Tim if he's ever done a nude scene in a movie. Tim said he did come out of a mud bath nude in one movie. He said the key was that the mud bath was warm. He didn't shrivel up from the cold. Robin didn't remember the scene and if he showed much in it. She said she'll have to go back and watch it again. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard had more entries for the ''Get John's Job'' contest they have going on. He got sidetracked for a few minutes when Robin brought up American Idol. They talked about Ashford and Simpson making an appearance on the show. They were trying to figure out how old they are. Howard figured they have to be in their 60's. Gary came in and said that Ashford will be 62 in May. Howard told him it's possible that they're lying about their age. Robin said someone asked her why she doesn't lie about her age. She said she just doesn't care about that.
Howard talked about the performers on American Idol and how bad some of them were. Howard said he's a fan of Fantasia. He also talked about the black chick who's proud of her weight loss but she's still kind of fat and her mother and sister are like 900 pounds. Howard pointed out that Simon was kind of cruel when he told one of the women that she looked like Jay Leno. He played tape of that and said that the show is messed up because they cut him off with music when he says something like that.
A lot of people have been sending in FCC song parodies so he played a couple of those. He said they're not all that good either. One guy did one to the tune of an Elton John song that wasn't very catchy. Another guy did a country song about Clear Channel but it wasn't all that great either. Another one was to the tune of ''RESPECT'' but Howard thought they could have done better with that. There were a couple of other songs that he quickly played. He said the best one was Robin singing a line on one of Stuttering John's songs. He played that a couple of times and goofed on it a little bit.
Howard played one from Crystal Method that Liquid Todd sent to him. He said it was just techno music with his voice over it though. There were also some clips of Congresswoman Heather Wilson thrown in there.
Howard mentioned that Courtney Love is on the E! show tonight. A lot of people were looking forward to that. He got back to talking about Liquid Todd and the techno music that he plays on their station on the weekends. That led to Howard talking about using ecstasy and dancing to the techno music. Howard hasn't used it but Artie has. He told Howard about one night when he tried it and thought he was going to get something from this chick he was with. She ended up disappearing that night when she went to the bathroom. Howard asked him what kind of high he gets from the drug. Artie said that he got all tingly from it. After he lost that woman that night he went to his apartment and ended up watching an old episode of WKRP and pleasured himself to Lonnie Anderson.
Artie told Howard that this chick was really hot and really aggressive. She asked him to try the Ecstasy with him. They went out to this club and he ended up getting to second base with her. He said he had no desire to touch guys like some people do. He said he was hypnotized by her breasts while he was on the drug. He said she left his life as quickly as she came into it.
Rob Schneider will be a judge in the contest. Gary said he heard from Rob the other day and he may postpone the shooting of ''Deuce Bigalow 2'' just so he can make it out there for the contest. Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel wants to be a judge as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ecstasy doesn't make you want to touch guys, you feel normal when you're on the stuff. Artie didn't want to make the drug sound that good either because it's really dangerous for kids. Howard said that he's done with using drugs like that in his life. He gets too paranoid on pot and doesn't like doing that stuff.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he's done some drugs like weed, speed and acid. At that point all of the guys heard a really loud bang or explosion of some type. Gary told Howard it sounded like a dump truck was dropped off the building. Howard spent a minute more with Jeff and then said he had to take a break so he could go pee.
During the news a caller asked to play another ''Name that Stinkin' Tune'' for one of the prizes Howard was giving away. Howard played one for the guy and let the guy try to guess what it was. The caller didn't know the answer. All of the noises in the song were queefs done by Debbie the Queefer. Howard gave the caller a clue and he still had some trouble getting it. He finally got it with ''Oh Mickey'' by Tony Basil. Artie said he remembers that because of the Basil part of the chick's name. Howard gave him the $500 prize. The guys also talked about how Tony Basil is now 60 years old. She was in her 40s when that song was a hit.
Hosting the new morning show, ''Cross and Lopez,'' was Rob Cross (WXRK's Program Director) and a woman calling herself Lopez (one of WXRK's DJs - Danni). They were playing lame songs from Beyonce and John Mayer. When they did speak they talked about doing the usual dull morning show stuff like waking up you boss for you and other lame stuff like that. They also said they'd be having ''fun without the filth'' which is what we would be looking forward to if Howard actually was off the air.
Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful'' was also thrown in before Cross and Lopez came back to do some more lame stuff with their ''fun without the filth'' morning show. They took some phone calls from a phony listener who requested some Britney Spears. They were even giving out an 800 number so people could call in.
Cross said that this all came down late last night but they kind of knew it was coming. Cross and Lopez reviewed last night's ''American Idol'' and gave out the 800 number so people could call in to help build the morning show. A little later Cross explained what happened with Howard the night before and how they were going to go to a very positive show in the mornings from now on. He replayed the Tom Chiusano message again so everyone could hear it. They took more phone calls from some people who wanted Howard back. Cross told one woman that he wanted his dead cat back but it just wasn't going to happen.
Cross and Lopez spent more time talking about some lame stuff like movies that were going to be opening up this weekend. Then they played some Eminem and other Top 40 songs. They kept up the act for the first hour of the show and did some lame bits ripping off some of the games Howard played on his show. They did a Gossip Game rip-off and had people call in to try and win. They also had more lame phony listeners calling in to request some more Britney Spears.
Cross and Lopez were talking about Leno and his lame show and then the fart sound effects started. Tom's laugh, Jeff the Drunk's ''You Skanky Ho' and others were played. Then Howard broke in and ended the April Fool's Joke.
Gary came in and said that the affiliates weren't told what was going on but some of them knew that it was a joke. Up in Hartford they told people that it was April Fool's day so they kind of spoiled it. Howard said he was actually nervous through the whole thing. Howard said that this was a good dry run for Tom who may have to do this in a few weeks when he actually is taken off the air.
Cross and Lopez actually had some fans already. The phone calls they were taking from people who wanted shout outs were actually real callers! Tom came in and Howard said it was his idea to have Rob Cross do the show. Gary said that Danni was a little too happy while she was doing the show. Howard spent a minute talking to Danni about what she does on the show. She swings around to different shifts on the station.
Howard took some phone calls from people like Captain Janks. Janks called Howard a dick for doing this. He ended up calling CBS and asked them if it was a joke or not. He said that they told him that it was a joke. Howard went on to tell Janks that Senator Brownback wrote another letter to Mel about why he still has Howard on the air and a few other things have come out that make his future look bleak. Howard said that Oprah is now being investigated but he still thinks that they'll never fine her. There are some other stories that Howard has up on his web site HowardStern.com.
Double A called in and complained about the joke that Howard had just played on everyone. Tim Sabian from WYSP called in to talk about how he fell for the joke. Howard said they got a lot of media attention this morning. Even though it was a joke today, he still thinks that he will be forced off the air sometime in the near future. He's good at predicting his future and he knows that the show will eventually taken off the air. This was just an example of what it might be like. Tim said that it will be hard to take when Howard actually is taken off the air.
Howard thought that the ''Lopez'' name was a great one for a morning show DJ. Howard told Rob that he should have been Roberto or something like that. A listener called in and said that this was a wake up call for him. He said it's time to start calling our senators about this nonsense. Another caller said that today he will be registering to vote. Another phone caller said he started to cry when he heard that Cross and Lopez stuff.
Howard said that no one was really sticking up for him when they were taking phone calls earlier. Some other callers were telling Howard how fooled they were by the phony morning show. Howard said that it was eerie to him as he was hearing the fake show. Some of the guys who called in said that they enjoyed hearing Lopez on the show. They liked her voice.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that there has to be a way to let the fans know what's actually going on. She said that she feels like she's going to die when stuff like this happens. Some other callers got through and complained about the joke.
One caller said he was so pissed when he heard that Howard was off the air that he almost killed a gas attendant. Howard replayed the announcement that Tom Chiusano made earlier in the morning. Cross told Howard he might want to keep that announcement handy for when it really does happen.
Howard said they got a lot of mail this morning about what people thought was going on. People were writing in complaining about the show being taken off the air. Someone said they thought they woke up in Utah with Donnie and Marie on the radio this morning. There were some real angry e-mails and faxes coming in while the phony show was on. Artie said there was a letter from journalist Marshall Fine who wanted to be at the press conference if there was one.
A listener who thought that Howard was still off the air called in and complained about our freedom of speech being taken away. Howard also took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said the joke wasn't funny. One guy said that the local WB network was reporting that Howard was off the air. Howard thought that was pretty funny. Another caller said that the interns were telling him that the show really was off the air.
Howard and the guys talked about how lame the Jay Leno bit was that they played earlier. Howard said that Jay really sucks and Rob thought that the whole monolog was really bad. One phone caller said that he tuned into Imus this morning after thinking Howard was off the air. Donald Trump was on the air with Imus so the caller said that he really is a traitor. Howard said Donald is kind of a traitor.
A phone caller said that the local WB news station did a retraction on the story that Howard was off the air and they were laughing about the joke. Howard continued to take calls from people who wanted to talk about what had gone on earlier. A woman called in and said that she figured out that it was a joke and it was the best thing Howard has done in 14 years.
Howard said that it was his idea to call the morning show ''Fun without the Filth.'' Howard also said that Dead Air Dave was running the board when they were doing the show. He said that the guy really shouldn't be in charge of the delay button, he's talented and he should have his own radio shift. He said that it could be Dead Air Dave and Lopez.
Howard told a story about Artie saying something about not playing any of the ''bad'' Britney Spears songs when they were discussing what songs to play.
A guy from StopFCC.com called in and said he had more signatures on his petition this morning than any other morning. A few more callers told Howard how fooled they were. One woman said this was like Orson Wells' ''War of the Worlds'' for her. She thought it was true. Howard said that it was a joke today but it might not be a joke in the near future when he really is taken off the air. He told people to check out his web site to see some of the stuff that's going on behind the scenes.
After Howard read the letter that Senator Brownback sent to his boss, he sat down and had to write a letter back to the guy himself. He said he has done a lot of research on the guy and went off on him for some of the stuff he's done in his job as well. He brought up some of the stuff that he wanted to send to Brownback but he doesn't want to screw things up for his company.
Robin said she was talking to Lorraine Bracco last night at a Knicks event. She said that she was telling Bracco that they will be off the air but Bracco didn't want to believe that. She was really upset just thinking that they could be taken off the air. Robin told Howard not to expect any support from Spike Lee. He was at the event she was at but didn't even look at her. Robin told Howard that there were a few players there last night who told her that they're fans of the show. After talking about that for a couple of minutes, Howard had to take a commercial break.
Howard said it was weird that the morning show had fans already after being on the air for just a few minutes. He said it was also weird to stand there watching them doing the show. A listener called in and said that he was so pissed this morning that he ended up rear ending another car.
Howard told Robin they had to bump The Rock until tomorrow. He said that he heard that The Rock has covered up his whole body with tattoos for some reason. He doesn't know why he did it because he's got this movie career going now. Richie from E! came in and told Howard that they are real tattoos. Robin couldn't believe that he would do something like that.
A listener called in and told Howard how great the Courtney Love E! show was last night. Another guy told him that he was crying when he heard that Howard wasn't on anymore this morning. Howard thought about carrying on the joke for the whole morning.
Captain Janks called in again and said that FOX news was running a crawl about how they reported that Howard was taken off the air and that they were wrong. Another caller told Howard that the tattoos that The Rock has are just 30 day tattoos and they'll wear off.
Howard is going to see a preview of ''Hellboy'' today but Robin may not be able to make it. That led to Howard talking about how Vinnie Favale and Robin will talk during movies if they don't like it for some reason. He said that Vinnie is no longer welcome at those movies. He said Ralph shouldn't be allowed to go either. Howard told Robin he's bringing a stun gun to the movie today in case anyone gets out of line.
Howard took more phone calls about the April Fools joke. One guy said he thought Tom Chiusano was actually brilliant for hiring two lame DJs to take over for Howard. Robin said that it was horrible when they played the Clay Aiken song they played during that Cross and Lopez show. She said that's what America is becoming and it's horrible.
One listener said that he canceled his trip to Las Vegas when he heard that Howard was off the air this morning. Howard told the guy they're still going and they'll be there May 11th to the 13th.
Howard has been invited to a poker game tournament on Friday. He told Artie about the game and said that he couldn't get him in because he was specially invited to the thing. Artie said he couldn't make it anyway because he has a comedy gig that night.
Howard read that the FCC is now doing an investigation of Oprah's show thanks to all of his listeners filing complaints about what she discussed on her show. He knows that they will not fine her because of who she is. He said that Michael Powell said yesterday that they are not on a ''witch hunt'' for Howard Stern. If they fine Oprah, Howard said he'll believe him. If they don't fine her, he won't believe it.
Howard had another article about how some local DJs on WPLJ in New York are worried that they'll be fined by the FCC for whispering on the air. There are other people who are afraid that saying ''The Mets suck'' on air might be indecent. Howard talked about how his show was censored when he asked Tim Robbins about using his Oscar awards for sexual stuff. He said that Tom cut that out and he said he wants to quit because of that.
Howard now wants people to start taping soap oprahs and start filing complaints about the stuff that's going on because kids can watch stuff like that when they're home from school. He wants everyone to get fined and get everyone in on the party.
Tom came in and apologized to Howard for censoring that part of the Tim Robbins interview yesterday. He said it was a bad edit. Howard told Tom that he wants out of this already. He wants out because of what they're doing to his show. He said he feels beaten down and the only thing left to do is to point out what's going on in this country now.
Howard talked about Stuttering John being stolen away from his show to the Jay Leno show and how they've already pushed John to the back of the room. John is doing a phony announcer voice that just isn't working. He goofed on Jay for a couple of minutes and complained about how he steals stuff from his show and makes it lame.
Dr. Sal Calabro called in and told Howard that his staff was worried about their jobs this morning when they heard that Howard was off the air. Dr. Calabro said a few nice words to Howard and then got off the line.
Howard played a phone call that their old intern Steve Grillo left on Mike Gange's voice mail this morning. He just asked ''what the F***'' after hearing that Howard was off the air this morning.
Howard talked about Michael Jackson talking to Congress about how he wants to go to Africa and help kids over there. Howard pointed out that the guy isn't even allowed to leave the country at this point.
Howard read a story about a Taco Bell manager who claims that he was told to give a cavity search to a 17 year old customer because a purse had been stolen. He and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about this card game they're having on Friday night. He said that the game is supposed to start at 6pm and go all night. Howard said he thinks he'll be out within a half hour or so. Vinnie told Howard about who was in the game and how they're going to have a Scores girl there as a waitress. They quickly went over all of that before Howard had to take another break.
Howard played another tape from FOX news where this guy was interviewing someone from the FCC. They discussed Howard during the interview and FCC commissioner Michael Copps was saying that they hope that indecency in this country will be stopped. He says that they are not stopping people like Howard from broadcasting, it's up to the company if they want to keep someone on the air.
Howard was pointing out where the interviewer missed out on asking the right questions of this commissioner. Copps also says that the fines that have been brought against Viacom could be paid for with just one more advertisement during the Super Bowl. Howard said this guy has probably never run a company himself and he has no idea how hard it is to run a company and make money. He went off on Copps after hearing some of his answers to the interviewer's questions. He said that the guy is ''laughably dumb'' and looks like Scott the Engineer. Gary came in and told Howard he's right about the guy never having worked a job where he's supposed to make money for a company. He's worked in the government most of his life and also worked as a professor at a college for a while.
Howard seems to think that this guy Copps won't fine Oprah Winfrey because she's a black woman. He believes that it is a witch hunt against him and he wonders were all of the fines are for other broadcasters. He has his fans filing complaints with the FCC against other shows already and he's waiting to hear about those fines.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked Howard if he could have one of the guys from the FCC do his ABC interview show. Howard told the guy that he put the word out to Michael Powell but he apparently doesn't have any time to do it.
A listener called in and said that it was like ''War of the Worlds'' this morning for him. He was happy that Howard was back after the April Fool's joke.
Artie was interviewed by ESPN's Cold Pizza show while he was over at Mickey Mantle's for the opening day game for the Yankees. In the audio clip Artie told the interviewer that he was up at 5am at Yankee Stadium one time but that was to buy angel dust. The show also interviewed Mickey Rivers so Howard played that tape as well. Mickey wasn't even sure what the name of his own book was when he was asked about it.
A woman called in and told Howard that Channel 11 was standing up for him after they thought he was taken off the air. That led to the guys talking about how many people enjoy the show and how ridiculous it is that all of this indecency crap is going on. Robin told Howard that she doesn't believe that anything they've done on the show is indecent. Howard would like these FCC commissioners to come on his show and talk about this stuff but they're all afraid to do it. He pointed out how nuts it's getting out there and how he will laugh when he's actually kicked off the air.
Howard said that this senator Brownback has said some racist things while in his position. Howard read the letter that Brownback wrote to his boss Mel Karmazin about Howard's broadcast and how he feels that it has been indecent. Howard told his listeners that they can find more info about how they can donate to Brownback's opponent so she can try to get him out of office. Gary came in and told Howard that his opponent has backed out of the race because Brownback is just too powerful. They can't find anyone to run against him. Howard said he'd like to move to Kansas and run against him but he doesn't think the people there would listen to him. He had to take another break after that.
Gary was talking about how hot Kelly Ripa looked while sitting on her feet and how Star Jones wouldn't look hot sitting on her feet. Robin brought up a story about what Star Jones ate at her engagement party recently. She read off a list of a ton of really fattening foods that she ate at the party.
A couple of people from California were calling in because the April Fools joke was still going on out there. One woman was crying as she was listening to it. She was an older woman so Howard kept the joke going with the 78 year old. The woman said that she likes the show and if she ever hears something she doesn't like, she'll change the station for a little while. That's what everyone could do if they don't like the show. Howard never did tell the woman that it was a joke.
Captain Janks called in with some information for Howard. Earlier in the morning Howard was wondering what all of the Clear Channel stations have replaced him with in the markets he was removed from. Janks did some footwork and found out what the stations have done. Most of them are just playing music with no DJs in the morning. The Orlando station has their Monsters of the Midday guys doing a talk show. Janks also said that the people he spoke to aren't sure if Howard is going to be kept off the air for good or not. Howard told Janks that he's sure they won't be putting him back on. Clear Channel made that clear to him already.
Janks also told Howard that he has created a forum for his fans to chat in and he sent it over to the guys on the show. Howard said he's going to create one of his own for his web site but he has to look into it a little more. Janks said he has a link to the forum on his web site CaptainJanks.tk
Howard talked about the April Fools prank they pulled yesterday and how much ink they got in the news about that. He said they have created a ''Cross and Lopez'' page for his web site HowardStern.com. He wasn't sure if it was linked yet though because he wasn't able to find it this morning. They even have video and pictures of the phony DJs Cross and Lopez from when they were doing their broadcast yesterday. Howard said that if you squint, you can see him in the picture.
Howard listened to his voice mail yesterday and got a message from Sam Simon who was fooled by the joke they played. He sounded kind of bummed out by the whole thing. Sam offered to help him out so Howard wondered how he could help. He said maybe he could give him some of his money or something. Sam called back later and told Howard that if they do actually take him off the air, he won't believe it. He's like the boy who cried wolf.
Howard talked to his agent about the joke they played and he didn't think anyone fell for it. Then he played the voice mail from Sam and his agent said that maybe he's not all that bright. Howard got a lot of mail from people who were fooled by it.
Captain Janks called in and said that there are other web sites out there who have started Cross and Lopez web sites. Howard told Janks that they don't have any plans to put any of that on the E! show. They will have video on his web site though.
Howard said that Gary told him that he spoke to Benjy's sister from The Creative Coalition and they may be off the air sooner than they think. He told Howard that they're going to try to ''hotline'' this indecency bill today. That means that it would go to the floor next week and they'd vote on it. There is no set time for this hotline and if there are no senators that are against it, it goes to vote. Gary said that at this point there are no senators who are against this bill. Even the senators who claim to be behind Howard aren't going to be the only ones to voice their opinions.
Gary said he tried calling his senator the other day but when he called he was reminded that his senator is Leiberman who isn't going to help Howard in anyway. Gary said he hung up as soon as he was reminded of this fact. Howard would like to get someone like Senator Kennedy to back him up but he knows that Kennedy hates him. Howard just wants to make it through the Las Vegas shows in May.
Gary mentioned that they just found out that they'll be doing a ''Family Feud'' out there with the ''God hates Fags'' people and some gay people. They also have Hollyweird Squares and a Butterface contest going on out there as well. Howard invited everyone to come out and see what's going on out there. Captain Janks said that he would like to go but it's very expensive. Howard said he'd like to give him $500 to go toward that trip but it would hardly put a dent in the cost. Janks told him it would help.
Howard told Janks that maybe he could crash in Artie's room because he won't be in it much. He said that Artie may get duped by a hooker once in a while and have to use the room but other than that, he won't be there. Artie said those days are over and he won't be doing that. He'll have his girlfriend Dana out there with him. Howard wondered if Artie really wants her out there. He said that he would like her to show up maybe 3 days in toward the end of the trip. Artie told Janks that he's welcome to crash on the floor of his hotel room if he wants.
Howard gave Janks a $500 prize courtesy of ''Kill Bill Vol. 1'' on DVD. Janks said that he's going to Vegas with that money. Janks played one of his classic Zookeeper prank calls as he was getting off the line.
Artie brought in a robe that Ralph designed for a boxer that Sam Simon manages. Artie said that Sam asked Ralph to design it but it took him a year to design it. He told Howard that Sam asked Ralph to do it about a year ago and he just got it recently. The boxer has a huge fight on April 10th and this jacket he designed came in just in time. Robin talked about how she has asked Ralph to do stuff for her before and he always takes forever to get back to her with bills and stuff like that. Artie said Sam has the same problem because he's been asking him what he owes him for the design and he can't figure it out. Robin said that he'll probably get a bill 6 months from now.
Gary was watching a show last night about the drug Ecstasy and all they were doing was talking about how great it was. Artie was talking about it yesterday but he made sure to say that it wasn't all that great because it's so dangerous.
A listener called in and brought up how great the E! show was last night when Gary was trying to get Courtney Love out of the station when she came in. The caller also asked Artie why he went in and called his girlfriend after Courtney's appearance. Artie said that he was a little uneasy when Courtney was telling him how great he was in the greenroom. He didn't know what to say when Courtney was telling him he was a genius. The caller told Howard that he'd love to hear Courtney take Stuttering John's job. Howard thought that would be pretty fun but she probably wouldn't be there every day.
Howard wondered if he should give out the phone number so that people can call their senators to complain about this indecency bill that's going through. He wasn't even sure if anyone cares. He put that off for now and talked about some of the guests they have coming in. He talked about the chicks from Mystique Magazine that are coming in later. He said that the girls from Mystique are always hot.
Howard gave out the number for people to call their senators about this Indecency bill S.2506. He said you can call them at (202) 224-3121 or visit CreativeCoalition.org for more information on how to contact them.
Howard talked about how his mother was telling him she doesn't understand what the big deal is and why they're making such a big deal about what's on radio.
Howard read some of the news stories about his April Fools prank from yesterday. John Mainelli wrote an article about the whole thing and how Howard fooled many of his fans with that bit. Howard still thinks he'll be off the air pretty soon so the April Fools joke wasn't that much of a joke. It's just a matter of time before he'll be kicked off the air. Howard said some people are finally waking up and realizing what is going to happen if the indecency bill passes. If it does go through it will be possible for individuals to be fined ridiculous amounts of money. Howard said even a tennis player who curses at a judge like John McEnroe has done in the past, could be fined.
Howard played an entry for the ''Get John's Job'' contest they have going on. Comedian Shuli sent in a bit where he goofed on the ''Booey Maguire'' song parody and talked about how he wanted the job instead of it being Gary asking for his girlfriend back. Howard seemed to think that bit was pretty good. Artie also thought it was good.
A listener called in and said he tried calling that number Howard gave out a few minutes before and he got a busy signal. Howard gave out the number again after Gary told him that they need to get this done soon because the hotlining of that bill is going to take place this morning around 9:30 or 10. Gary told Howard that the numbers are also available on HowardStern.com. They have links to the senators e-mail addresses there as well.
A listener asked Howard what everyone will do if the show does get canceled. Howard asked Fred what he would do. Fred said he doesn't know what he's going to do but he doesn't want to work in radio if he can't work on Howard's show. Gary came in and said he doesn't have a contract so he doesn't have much of a future if Howard quits. Howard told Gary that he isn't going to quit but if the bill passes he won't go on the air. Howard said he'll just be a deejay and play records all morning. He doesn't want to stop getting paid but he's not going to open his mouth. Howard said he won't even record phone calls for a show like that. He won't say a word, he'll just play music until he gets fired.
Gary told Howard that Vinnie Favale called in and told him that he didn't like that Howard was off the air yesterday but he did like the music. Howard said they were getting calls from people who wanted to make requests during that prank.
Gary told Howard that he and his son were watching ''American Idol'' and ended up voting twice last night. He said he knows he may be gaying it up a little bit with his son. Howard told him that boys are gay until they're about 11 and then they straighten up. Artie told Gary that the next time his son wants to vote on American Idol, he should just smack him. Gary told Howard that his son wanted to vote for John Peter Lewis on the show so Howard told him he may want to take him to a shrink if that's the case. He didn't want to keep talking about American Idol because he was feeling gay. He went to commercial break a short time later.
A listener called in and told Howard that his TiVo is constantly recording religious shows for him. Howard and Robin told him he can't be right about that. Gary and Robin told him he must have recorded something that triggered the TiVo to put stuff on the list of things he likes and it's recording them for his TiVo Suggestions. Howard doesn't have that problem. He made sure it's not possible for his unit to record stuff he doesn't want.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about what's going on with his web site and the Cross and Lopez thing. He said that Jeff Schick from IBM called him and told him how people could get to see the right page but Howard didn't want to hear it. He got off the line and moved on to other stuff.
This guy Aaron called in to talk to Howard about his Libertarian run for President. Howard asked him why he's bothering with something like that because he has no chance of winning. The guy's phone kept cutting out for some reason so Howard was having a little trouble with the call. Aaron went on to tell Howard about his views of what's going on in the country and Howard agreed with what he was saying. He said the only way he can really get Bush voted out of office is to put his support behind Kerry. Kerry and Bush are the only two who really have a chance to win.
Aaron told Howard that Bush and Kerry both have the same views on a lot of stuff. Both of them are bead news for Howard. Howard agrees with him but he told Aaron that Kerry has done a few things in his life that were better than Bush in his view. He told Aaron that he'd love to see him in office but he doesn't think that will ever happen.
Howard said he's going to go with Kerry just because he thinks he can get Bush out of office. Howard ended up asking Aaron about how he managed Bette Midler for a while. He read that he had slept with Bette so he asked him about that. He said that sex was good with her and she was very sexually active back then. He also read that Bette claimed that he beat her. Aaron said that she said it was psychologically that he beat her but the guy who wrote the book took that word out of the quote.
Howard said that all of this would come out if he ran for President. He asked Aaron about what made her so great in bed. Aaron said that she was just a very caring woman. Howard mentioned that Aaron has produced a few things and even brought Led Zeppelin to this country. He gave him a couple of plugs for his web site RussoForPresident.com and let him go a short time later. Aaron gave out a phone number as well: (877) 279-9422
Howard talked about how he would like to have a guy like Russo running the country. Howard had this book ''The George W. Bush Quiz Book'' that he read on the air. In the book they have a lot of details about what the Bush family has done and how wacky George W. is. After reading some of the stuff Howard said he's definitely voting for Kerry. He went to break so he could move on to the Mystique Magazine girls.
Howard asked the girls about what Mystique is. One of the girls said that they sent over 8 girls one day and he still doesn't remember what it is. The girls said you can see video and stills of them naked on the web site Mystique Magazine. They said it's not as explicit as Playboy is. They don't show everything on the site. The girls said that they're the winners in the first round in the search for Miss Mystique 2005.
Howard talked to them about that and about their breasts. Rebecca said she actually had a breast reduction and she's still a D-cup. Howard wondered why anyone would have their breasts reduced and it should be against the law. Howard said to show how ridiculous that was, he was going to have his penis reduced.
Howard read that Rebecca uses a strap-on with her boyfriend. She said they have a very interesting sex life but that was about as far as she wanted to go with that story. He also read that Elizabeth's mother married a woman when she was about 13 years old. She said they're both in their mid-50s now. Howard wanted her to bring them in if they were hot. Elizabeth said that her brothers left the house after what happened. Her father wanted the kid to go with him and he may not have even realized what was going on at the time.
Elizabeth said that she was never really interested in having sex with women but she did have a stripper do something to her one time. Howard read that she and her ex-boyfriend used to use restraints, whips and candle wax on each other. She also pleasured herself while driving down the highway one time. Howard thought they sounded like they were both up for a good time.
Joey Boots called in and said that these girls are like one car payment away from showing everything in the pictures they shoot. Another listener called in and told Howard that the show was being censored. Howard said he hasn't said anything indecent this morning and this is the reason he has to leave radio.
A caller asked Howard if these girls were going to show anything today. The girls told the caller to go to the web site to check them out if he wanted to see them topless. Howard had the girls pose for them a little bit but they weren't getting topless. Gary interrupted and told Howard they had to get The Rock in there because they had a limited time with him. He had to go do another show. Howard gave the girls a plug for Mystique Magazine and the Mystical Journey section. He then went to break so he could get to The Rock.
Double A spun the wheel and landed on the Human Liquid Balloons. The guys brought the balloons in and had Double A pull down his pants so they could throw them at him. Howard said that The Rock is a nice guy but it's not worth putting yourself through all of this to meet him. Howard and Artie were going to be the two throwing stuff at Double A. Howard claims he wasn't allowed to say what was in the balloons because of FCC regulations. Howard missed when he threw his balloon. Artie threw his and also missed the first one. KC threw and missed as well. Artie finally hit him but the balloon didn't break. Gary told Howard that The Rock wanted to come in and throw one as well. The Rock came in and threw one so hard that it almost knocked Double A over. He finally threw one and it blew up.
Howard asked Double A about the white spot The Rock noticed on his ass. Double A said that he tans and it may have been a spot he missed on his ass. Double A was kind of uncomfortable with the liquid on him. He was thrilled to meet The Rock though. Howard let Double A said a few words to The Rock. Double A told The Rock that he sucks for breaking the balloon on him but then told him what a fan of his he is. He's been following wrestling for 25 years now and he wishes he were The Rock.
Artie told Howard that they should throw meatballs at Double A if he wanted to shake The Rock's hand. Double A wasn't into that though. Howard let Double A sit in for the interview since he had gone through so much to get in there.
Howard spent some time talking about how gay that whole thing was with Double A. Howard said he was kind of freaked out by the ''white stain'' on his ass. He told Double A that he had balls... because he did see them.
Howard asked The Rock about the tattoos he got recently and what that's all about. The Rock showed him what he had done. Howard said it covers his whole upper body. They actually covered it all up for the past couple of movies he's done. He said it doesn't show up on film when they put makeup on it. He said the tattoos are Samoan since he's part black and part Samoan. It's very big in the Samoan culture to do this so that's why he did it.
Double A knew about his father and how he had a lot of tattoos as well. He knew the guy's name and brought that up to him. Artie and Fred were goofing on Double A a little bit. He knew way too much about wrestling. The guys were relentlessly goofing on the guy for a couple of minutes.
Howard asked The Rock if he's going to be allowed to keep the name ''The Rock'' if he leaves The WWE. The Rock said he owns the name so he can keep it. Howard and the guys were still goofing on Double A and the way he pronounces some stuff.
The Rock told Howard that he owns the name ''The Rock'' and he doesn't have to wrestle if he doesn't want to. He said he didn't have to pay for the name either. Howard wondered what he knows about Vince that he's not telling them. The Rock said that his contract is up this year and he'll see what happens with that.
The Rock talked about the movie ''Walking Tall'' and how they changed the name of the character from Buford Pusser to Chris Vaughn since he doesn't look like the real Buford Pusser.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that. One guy said that Double A should be called ''Double Gay'' today because of what he was doing. Another guy said this interview was really funny today.
Howard asked The Rock about his acting and if he took lessons. He said that he did take some lessons and he has a great acting coach. Gary came in during that conversation and told Howard that The Rock had to go to another interview. Howard let Double A say goodbye to him... from a distance. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about this movie ''Walking Tall'' and then wrapped up the interview. The Rock had to go do Regis and Kelly's show so Howard let him go and took a break.
Howard said there were a few good pictures of him in the news lately. There are reports about his fight against Oprah Winfrey. He also mentioned that the Cross and Lopez thing is up on his web site HowardStern.com so you can watch video of them doing their April Fools prank yesterday. He replayed Sam Simon's voice mail message to him yesterday when he thought that he'd really been taken off the air.
A listener called in and told Howard about Matt Lauer talking about the FCC coming down on people like Howard Stern and eventually it could lead to them coming down on soap operas and shows like Oprah Winfrey. Howard played a new bit about this new product called ''The Knob'' that would allow people to just turn off things they find offensive to them on TV and Radio. Howard asked people to continue to check out the Oprah Winfrey transcripts they have on his web site and file complaints with the FCC.
Howard asked KC to go make up a quick jingle for the Wheel of Humiliation when The Rock was there but he ended up getting into a fight with Scott the Engineer. Howard didn't get the jingle quickly. Howard didn't get it until after 9. He did get tape of Scott and KC arguing in Scott's studio. Scott said that he didn't have time to prepare for the recording. He said KC just showed up with a bunch of people so they could get it done. Scott said if he had just sent an intern down there to warn him what was going to happen. KC said it wouldn't have been any faster if he had wasted time asking someone to go down there ahead of time. He just gathered a bunch of people as he was walking down to the studio.
Gary said that everyone has complained about how confrontational Scott gets when you walk in his studio. Scott said he really doesn't give them a hard time every time but KC and Gary said that he is like that every time they walk in there. Howard wrapped up that segment and moved on to other stuff.
Howard had more clips from shows like Access Hollywood where they talked about his April Fools day prank. CNN also did a report about the prank as well. Howard played that and a couple of others from a few other shows that reported on the prank. Howard reminded everyone that they can click on his web site HowardStern.com and see streaming video of that prank.
Howard had audio from The View where they talk about Star Jones' engagement party to play. He talked about how he read that this guy who is engaged to Star may have had gay sex but they don't bring that up on The View. Howard and the guys goofed on the women on the show about how they were talking about this party. They were also goofing on Star and how she can barely breathe when she's talking. They were also throwing in a bunch of plugs during the discussion.
Howard and the guys continued to talk about Star and her fiancee for a few minutes. Howard said he doesn't know anything about this guy, he just hears stories about him and they may or may not be true. Ralph had called in to talk about the show. He told Howard you have to see video of the segment because the picture of Star was air brushed to the point where it didn't even look like her.
During that segment comedian Bob Saget called in to tell Howard that he is supporting him. He claims that he has written to his senator and he doesn't want him to go to satellite because he wants o be able to play him on the car radio while he's driving his kids to school. Howard spent a minute with him and then got back to the tape from The View.
Ralph was wondering how anyone could do Star Jones. He said there's no way he could get it going for her. Artie said that maybe her fiancee is super-heterosexual and all he needs is any woman to bang. He also said that any guy could do a woman who's under 300 pounds. That guy has to be a real man to be able to do Star Jones. Howard had to take a break after that.
Schimmel came in and said that the guys at Stuff magazine were fooled when they heard the radio show yesterday. He said the editor of the magazine fell for it and thought Howard was gone for good.
Howard moved on to Mike's game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Mike asked Howard if he would want to take over his column for a week to write anything he wants about what's going on with the FCC and the indecency bill that's working it's way through the system. Howard said he's too busy to write Mike's column though.
Howard got off the phone with Mike and spent a few minutes with Bob. Howard said they blew their stacks the other day when they heard that Fran Drescher has a show coming to the WB network that sounds very similar to Bob's show. Bob's show is about how he ended up marrying his daughter's friend and Fran's show is about her dating a guy her daughter's age. Bob said he told his agent that there was one difference, he's in remission from cancer. He forgot that Fran is also in remission.
Howard said that he would love to have Bob's ex-wife on his show to give her side of their story. Bob said he'd love to have her on. He'd even like to have everyone on his own TV show.
Bob got in a couple of plugs for the shows he's doing tonight and tomorrow. He's at a club in Farmingdale, Long Island tonight and down in Atlantic City tomorrow night. You can find more info about where Bob is appearing at RobertSchimmel.com
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard that Stuttering John has been so stiff in the audience lately that they're going to move him under Jay's desk to do his announcing. That led to Howard talking about how he heard that Jay is so lame that they've been using a laugh track on the show lately. Howard said he knows for a fact that they use a laugh track on that show. He said Jay will never admit to that though because he's a complete liar. He goofed on Jay for a few minutes while Bob laughed at what he was saying. Bob told Howard that he's glad he's his friend. He would hate to be on that side of the fence. Howard asked Bob if it would be worse to be his enemy or to have cancer. Bob told him that it would be worse to be his enemy because you can go into remission from cancer but Howard never gives up. Robin continued on with her news after that.