Howard was back live this morning after a three day weekend. He said he'd just run into (DJ) Carol Miller out in the hall. She just started working at their station. He said he remembers hearing her on WPLJ when he was in high school. He wasn't sure how old she was though. Gary said he remembers sending away for her poster when he was in 9th grade and he's 42 now. Artie remembered the same thing and he's in his mid 30's. Howard figures she's got to be like 86 since he's 49. He said she still looks good today though. She came in and spent a few minutes talking to him. She said he probably remembers her from when he was in college, not high school. She gave Howard her history and told Howard about where she's worked. Howard said he looked up to her when he used to listen to her when he was younger. Gary talked about the calendars WNEW used to make featuring her and how hot she used to be back then. Carol told Howard that she had a poster out when she was at WPLJ and her parents still have that poster up in their basement and the guys that fix their sprinklers check it out after fixing Howard's parent's sprinklers.
Howard mentioned that Carol used to be married to a guy who was a VJ on MTV. Carol told Howard that he once called the guy a scumbag on the air and she was thrilled. The guys said there were rumors that she caught him in bed with another woman but Carol said she never caught him. She just knew that there were other women. He ended up running off with another woman who looked just like her.
Howard said that Carol came up to him out in the hall and told him that he's better looking in person than on TV. Howard didn't remember ever meeting her before but Carol said they have talked a little bit. They ended up talking about the guys that Carol has worked with in the past and who she banged. She said that since she worked on a radio station she would meet rock stars and other DJs show that's who she was banging. She said she had Steven Tyler from Aerosmith for a while. She said she had a nice relationship with him for several months. She said she got a call from him telling her that he was looking for someone who could travel with him but she wasn't going to do that. He ended up going out with his current woman who looks a lot like Carol according to Gary and Howard. Carol said she was dating him in his drug days so he was tough to talk to. She told Howard about some of the drugs he used to use and how crazy it was. She said he passed out after taking a handful of pills one time and she was told to revive him with the smell of coffee under his nose. She said that kind of worked but she ended up leaving her number with him and went home. She said she got a call from him the next day asking her to go on a trip with him as if nothing had happened.
Howard and Carol talked about her working at WPLJ and how Scott the Engineer used to work there as well. Howard asked Scott if he ever got to bang Carol. Scott said that never happened. Howard and Carol also talked about this one guy who wanted to hire him at WPLJ but they wanted to put him on at night. Howard said he wanted to go work there but wanted to be on in the mornings to replace Jim Kerr. Howard said they wanted him to play a ton of records but that's not what he wanted to do. Carol and Howard spent a few more minutes talking to each other about the old days and stuff like that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard talked about ''Old School'' and how funny he found that movie. He said that Will Ferrell was really good in the movie. Artie was also in that for a couple of minutes. Howard said he's been watching that movie like he watches porn. He said he's been watching it in 10 minute increments for some reason.
Howard said the next super hero movie to come out is going to be ''The Punisher'' so he spent a couple of minutes talking about the story behind that character. Howard said in ''The Hulk'' no one ever got hurt after getting thrown around. He said he hated that part of the movie.
Howard said he saw a picture of Cameron Diaz somewhere recently and said she's got great legs. He and the guys spent a few seconds talking about who she's dating these days.
Howard talked about his grilling weekend. He said that he's been trying to keep moving all the time so he can lose some weight. He told Robin that he was grilling all kinds of crap over the weekend and his very expensive Viking grill was giving him headaches. He said his rotisserie wasn't working and one of the burners was throwing out big flames that it wasn't supposed to. Howard said he called the guy who he bought it from and they said they'd have to come out and fix it. He said he got really pissed because he spent so much money on the grill (Aprox. $6,000). He went on to talk about some of the stuff he cooked on the grill over the weekend. He cooked some brussel sprouts in garlic. He said he ended up watching the food channel and saw Al Roker making some stuff on one of the shows. He talked about how disturbing Al Roker looks now that he's lost a ton of weight. Howard said his cooking show sucks and his cook book sucks too. He complained about Roker and the show he was watching. He said it was just a horrible show because they never got around to cooking stuff. He said the Food Channel was promoting it as a Barbecue weekend but then you tune in and there isn't any cooking going on. Howard said he grilled everything himself. He grilled pineapple and joked that he grilled toothpaste and Beth's bra. He said he enjoyed his grilling experience and was relaxed doing it. He was kind of pissed that the grill wasn't working and the guy from the grill place was goofing on him when he called back about it not working. He said the guy was joking about it. He said he got a little annoyed about that. Plus, the weather sucked in New York again and he was pissed about that. He said that they're predicting a nice week but another crappy weekend this coming week.
Robin brought up a news story about Mike Tyson getting into a fight with some fans. She told the story and it sounds like the people who Tyson was fighting with may have deserved what they got. Howard was saying that they were apparently making fun of the tattoo on Tyson's face so it's not surprising that Tyson went off on them. Howard said one of the guys was apparently gesturing as though he had a gun he was going to pull from his waistband so Tyson could have been defending himself. They spent a couple of minutes on that before taking another break.
Lou asked Howard if he'd seen ''The Hulk'' and what he thought of it. Howard told him what he thought and both he and Robin thought that the TV series was better. Robin said she didn't like what they did with Lou in the movie either. They made him a security guard which was kind of demeaning to him.
Howard said he wasn't so sure that Lou was hard of hearing so he wanted to test him out a bit. He said ''Hi Lou'' at a regular volume then said ''Loser fag'' at a whisper to see if he could hear him. He also said ''Homo says what?'' in a whisper. He and Artie threw in a few lines like ''Hulk likes penis'' and stuff like that since he couldn't hear them anyway. Howard moved on to ask Lou if he thinks he's in better shape than Arnold Schwarzenegger now. Howard seems to think he is in better shape. Lou said that he's training people these days and he doesn't mind doing it at all. He said he has clients like Chuck Norris, Randy Travis, Michael Jackson and others. Robin was surprised to hear that he goes to Michael's house. Lou said he thinks Michael is a nice guy.
Lou is also appearing on ''King of Queens'' these days so he's living out in L.A. To do that.
Howard asked Lou what he was calling in to promote. He told Howard that he's pushing this trip to Las Vegas that's just $59. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about though. He interrupted him and said that he didn't know what he was talking about but let him give out a number.
After Lou got off the phone Howard and the guys were goofing on the plug Lou was reading. Howard said he thought Lou was trying to teach them what it's like to be hard of hearing because they couldn't understand a word he was saying during that plug. He gave out a phone number but it was so hard to hear, I have no idea what it was. You can check out his web site though, at LouFerrigno.com
Howard tried to take a call from Chaunce Hayden but he wasn't there. He said he heard that Chaunce was going to talk about how those people who were beat up by Mike Tyson were saying that they'd won the lottery after being beat up by the guy.
Howard took a call from this guy who has called in before. He can crack his penis like people can crack their knuckles. The last time he tried it Howard missed the sound of it. Today he heard it but didn't want to talk to the guy for very long. Chaunce called in so Howard cut off that guy and talked to Chaunce. Chaunce told Howard that the hotel cameras caught the whole fight on tape so it's going to be the greatest fight in history. Tyson was fighting three people at once and took down the guys with one punch. Howard spent a few seconds on that subject and then moved on to play some voice mail.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn and High Pitch Erik have teamed up somehow and left a voice mail singing ''Guess Who's Back'' about Artie. There was another voice mail from a guy who talked about how ugly he found Taryn Manning on the cover of FHM magazine. Then there was a call from Gary the Retard who left a message that made no sense. He was telling them to call him to talk to him about something but it didn't make all that much sense. Another caller left a message about how bad ''The Jimmy Kimmel Show'' is. He wonders how it even got on the air. Another caller claiming to be from ''Scrotum Magazine'' left a message for KC. That led to Robin talking about how amazing KC looked when he took his shirt off the other day for her.
Howard played a message from a woman who was pissed about the vote Howard did for voting to keep Artie on the show last week. She said she didn't think he deserved that. Another caller left a message about how they should scramble out Gary's face on the E! show because he's so ugly. Howard said that could be kind of funny. Another guy left a message about people who are uglier than Howard. He said that Tom Petty, Don Imus and Willem Defoe are uglier than Howard. That was all the guy could come up with though.
Howard talked about the hype around the upcoming ''Charlie's Angels'' movie that's coming out. He said the first one wasn't that great so he's not expecting a lot from the sequel. Howard said he saw that they have a sound track album coming out and they've obviously airbrushed her on the cover.
Robin mentioned how bad the ''American Idol'' movie ''Justin meets Kelly'' did in the theater this weekend. It only made $3 million on it's opening weekend.
Howard asked Tom who didn't get one of these too-small t-shirts. Tom said he gave one to Howard, Gary and Fred and he has another box of stuff coming to the station soon. Howard ended up asking Tom about the new Program Director and how that's been working out. Tom said it's working out well and the station sounds great. Tom told Howard that he's going on another trip in July.
Howard had some e-mail to read after talking to Tom. He said one guy sent in a letter about the new Harry Potter book and how upset some people are that they paid full price when the book first came out. Now the book is being sold for much less. The guy said the books are so popular because there are ''no nig*ers'' in the book. Howard said the guy was serious about it too. He decided to throw it in the garbage though because it was so disturbing. A caller said that they had the books available in a Wegman's supermarket over the weekend. He said they had both the English version and the American version available there. Robin told Howard that they've been selling out of the book all over the place.
Howard said he was sleep walking last night. He said he got up to pee but he was kind of sleeping. He said it was like a dream as he was walking back and forth in front of Beth's side of the bed. He said he was really confused about where he was and didn't think he was even awake. He said Beth directed him to the right place and he was able to go pee. He didn't pee in the wrong place or anything like that. Artie said he did that when he was about 12 or 13 years old. He said he ended up peeing in his sock drawer when he was sleep walking one time. He said that was the only time he ever did it though. He never had a problem sleep walking after that. Howard said he doesn't know what he would have done if Beth hadn't said something to him.
Howard brought up Lisa Marie Presley and how she fell down while performing at this mini concert on NBC's ''Today Show.'' Howard said it was really funny and he has video of it to show Robin. He didn't get around to showing her that though. He moved on to talk about David Letterman who is rumored to be getting ready to get married later this year. He talked about that for a short time and then moved on to ''Sex and the City'' which had it's season premiere last night. Howard said he wasn't so impressed with the episode because it wasn't all that funny. Robin said they didn't have a lot of laughs but they did have a lot of sex and stuff. Howard said Kim Cattrell didn't look that great in the show and at one point she rolled over in bed and it was obvious that they had someone standing in for her at that point. He also said that the red head never looks good. He said Sarah Jessica Parker looked good though. He had to take a break after that so he could get to Jenna and Heidi from ''Survivor.''
Howard moved on and brought in the girls from ''Survivor.'' Jenna Morasca and Heidi Strobel who appeared on ''Survivor The Amazon'' came in this morning to promote the upcoming issue of Playboy magazine in which they appear. They weren't dressed very sexy so Howard complained about that right away. The girls said they'd just come from ''The Early Show'' so that's why they weren't dressed sexy. Howard said Heidi looked really good and wondered who did her makeup. She said that she wasn't very healthy looking after doing ''Survivor.'' Howard joked that it wasn't really her so Jenna said she checked and she's the right girl. Howard said it's so obvious that the cover of Playboy was airbrushed. The girls denied that and said they really look like those pictures. Howard said the girls seem to put off a lesbian vibe in the pictures they have. The girls said they aren't lesbian lovers though. Howard checked out some of the pictures and said it looked like they were all over each other and in love. He asked them why they don't just do each other already.
Howard said they don't show any vagina in the pictures either. The girls said they wanted to leave something to the imagination. Howard pointed out Heidi's fake boobs and Jenna said hers are real. Howard said in Playboy the fake boobs always look better. He also said he wants to see what the girls really look like in Playboy, not the airbrushed look.
Howard guessed that the girls only got $50,000 for their shoots. The girls said they couldn't talk about what they got but they did get other offers from other magazines. They said if they did turn down the offer because they would have been kicking themselves if they didn't. Howard said he forgot that Jenna even won ''Survivor'' after she brought that up. She told Howard that she finally got the winnings from the show and she didn't spend any of it. She said she bought her father a Hummer though. Howard said ''You gave your father a hummer?'' after she said that. He was joking of course and knew she was talking about a vehicle, not oral.
Howard said Heidi is doing speaking appearances but she's giving her money to charity. He wondered how she makes money. She said that she made money from the TV show and from the Playboy shoot. The girls kept telling him that they couldn't tell him exactly how much they made doing that. Heidi said she's also going to medical school now that she's got the money. Howard told her that all of the guys there are going to be trying to bang her. She didn't think that was going to happen though.
Howard asked Heidi and Jenna about being single and why they're not dating. Howard told Jenna that Benjy is available but Benjy told them that he's dating someone. Jenna said it's tough to find a guy who's good looking and single.
Heidi said she's probably going to go to school to become an anesthesiologist. She thought about going in for pediatrics but she didn't think she'd be able to take being around sick kids all the time.
Howard asked the girls if they'd been to the Playboy mansion yet. They haven't gone yet but they're supposed to be there in August for a big party. Howard said he may have to go to that party. Jenna told Howard that she still hasn't gotten laid and she hasn't been with a guy since before ''Survivor.'' She said she's looking for a ''friend'' because she doesn't have time for a full time boyfriend. Artie said he'd be that guy if she wanted. Howard said he'd date her during the next commercial break.
A listener called in and said it's obvious that the girls are airbrushed on the cover of the magazine. He said he does it for a living and they look like cartoons on the cover. Howard also talked about Carnie Wilson being fat in her Playboy layout which is in the same issue as Jenna and Heidi. The caller also asked Robin if she's going to be airbrushed when she appears in the magazine. She said they haven't asked her to do it yet but, yes, she would be airbrushed.
Another caller said that he got oral from Jenna in a parking lot at a club one time. She said she doesn't go to the club and never did anything with the guy. The guy joked that there was a foul odor that came up from her pants when he unbuckled her pants. She denied it all of course.
Howard asked the girls about their Playboy shoot and how that went. They told Howard all about that and how they had to trim up their bush before doing it. They said they spent about 4 days doing the shoot for about 4 hours a day. Howard wanted them to go put on some bikinis but Jenna said it was too early to do that. Plus, he's seen them in bikinis already. The girls said they were uncomfortable at first when they started to do the shoot but they got into it pretty quickly. Jenna said that she accidentally bumped into Heidi's boobs a couple of times while they were doing the shoot.
Howard took a call from a doctor who thought that Heidi should go to school to become something other than an anesthesiologist. The woman's voice was annoying to Howard so he ended up hanging up on her.
Another caller said that he thinks these girls are definitely lesbians and they're just playing with him. Heidi said she's never had sex with another woman though so that's not true. Another guy asked the girls if they swallow. Jenna said no but Heidi said she will do that. Howard asked Jenna what's wrong with her. She said she's just not into that.
A phone caller pointed out how Howard hated Jenna before she appeared in the magazine and now he's being nice to her. Howard said he's really not being that easy on them. He said he still hates them but he still wants to bang them. A woman called in and told Jenna that she should pose for the Sports Illustrated Girl-Next-Door issue because she's probably win. She wasn't aware of that contest though so it was news to her.
Howard said neither of the girls had anal yet but they're still young. Howard took another call after quickly talking about that. The woman didn't have any questions for them though, she wanted to get a date with Howard's girlfriend's brother. She said she's only 5 feet tall and Howard said the brother is like 6'7'' tall. He said they'd look pretty odd together but he told her he'd see what he could do. Sal the Stockbroker told the girls they should be very happy that they're the first two ''sluts from Survivor'' since they appeared in Playboy. He told them that they're not going to be remembered for ''Survivor'' but for appearing in Playboy.
Howard asked the girls if their parents were upset about the Playboy thing. They said they weren't upset about that. Howard also asked the girls if they had to go through the CBS people about doing Playboy. They weren't sure how that worked but they think that Playboy probably had to go through CBS before asking them to do it. They said that CBS won't let them do any shows on other networks, but this was okay. Howard wrapped up the segment after that and thanked the girls for coming in.
Howard said a girl calling herself Jessica Rabbit just dropped by the station and wanted to know if she could be in Playboy. When she came in Howard said ''You've got to be kidding honey.'' He told her that she doesn't have the face to be in Playboy. He said she's going bald and wasn't good looking enough. She said she's 32 years old which is too old. She claims that she's was a model but Howard didn't believe her. She took off her top and showed Howard her boobs. She had a big welt on her breast that was disturbing to look at. Howard said she had pimples on her ass as well. Gary and Howard told her what a mess she was but she didn't seem to believe what they were telling her. Artie said that he's never said this before, and told her ''Get dressed please.'' Howard and the guys said you never see a chick like that in Playboy but she said that's not true. She said she didn't have any cellulite but Howard and Gary said she did have a little on her ass. She said she just had her breast job done 3 weeks ago so that's why she had that welt on her chest. Howard was still wondering where she modeled. She said she didn't do any print work and it was stuff that no one would have seen.
KC wondered if she was mentally disturbed or something. Howard tried to find out if she's ever been institutionalized for any reason. She said she hasn't and asked them to stop with that. Gary said he knows she's on some kind of medication because she closes her eyes when she talks. Howard took a couple of phone calls for her and told her that she actually looks like his buddy Ralph. He let her go shortly after that and said they'd be looking for her to appear in Playboy.
Howard got off of that and talked about a few other things in the news. He brought up Ashton Kutcher and how he's banging all kinds of chicks. He said he's getting Demi Moore and some other chicks. Howard said he read that Demi had $380,000 worth of plastic surgery to make herself over. He read through some of the stuff that she's apparently had done. Howard wasn't able to figure out how it cost that much though. Howard took a couple of phone calls and started the news after that.
Howard seemed happy that Summertime finally arrived in New York. Unfortunately, it's in the middle of the week so they can't enjoy it. Howard said he heard there will be rain by the weekend though.
Howard said they all went to see ''Terminator 3'' yesterday and Arnold came over to make a quick visit to him. He said Arnold only spent a minute with him though. He said Arnold wanted to make sure they all enjoyed the movie. Howard said Robin loved it and he enjoyed it as well.
Howard said Arnold looked good in the movie and thinks that he must have had a face lift or something. The guys talked about how concerned Arnold is with his movies. Howard said his girlfriend's mother was in town so she went to the movie preview. He said he didn't tell her that Arnold was going to show up so she was very surprised when he walked in. He said she was pointing at the screen and then at Arnold as he walked in. He said that it was pretty great. He said he walked outside and some guy told him that Arnold had just been there. Howard got to tell the guy that he was there to see him.
Howard said he felt that he was on the A-list of celebrities for a while when Arnold was there but then when he walked out he was back to being B-list. He said a lot of the crap he does is B and C-list stuff.
Howard said he was reminded that the first time he met Arnold Schwarzenegger was many years ago on the Charlie Rose show when he was promoting ''Conan the Barbarian'' and he was in the bathroom farting as he and Fred told him how much they enjoyed the movie. He didn't have a big entourage like he does today though. Howard went on to talk about Charlie Rose for a short time as well. He remembered doing that show and how the crowd was cheering for him when he did it. He said they probably have it on video tape but he's heard that tape can go away over time. He said that his buddy at IBM has been telling him that they need to archive all of that stuff on DVD but it sounds like a big project to him.
Howard was complaining about his left ball that he somehow injured working out. He said he wasn't able to have sex last night because of the injury. He had to tell Beth to stay away from his left nut. Howard had to take a break after that short discussion. He said they have Daisy the porn star and Arnold Schwarzenegger coming in today.
Howard said after the show yesterday he saw Artie eating something new. Artie told him it's the new McDonalds McGriddle sandwich. That led to Howard going off on McDonalds because they used to pass on advertising with his show. Gary came in and said that they used to demand that their commercials couldn't run less than an hour after his show ended because they didn't want to have anything to do with him. Artie said that's a company that's probably responsible for 20,000 heart attacks and they don't want anything to do with Howard. Artie went on to talk about this McGriddle sandwich which is a sausage patty, eggs and cheese on a sandwich. The bread is a pancake patty with syrup inside of it. He said the syrup drips out as you eat it and it all mixes together as you bite into it. Howard said he really wanted to take a bite of that because it looked so good. He never eats that stuff though. Artie said he used to make White Castle burgers with french fries inside the bun. He said that's the way he likes it, all in once package. Artie said the sandwich he had yesterday was as close to perfect as it could get. He said it wasn't very fresh though so that was the only thing stopping it from getting a perfect score of 10. Artie had a serving of Coca Cola with the sandwich so Howard wondered why he doesn't have something like coffee with a sandwich like that. He said he loves the Coke and can't get away from that. The guys also pointed out that the McDonalds logo is in the pancake patty on this sandwich which is actually kind of cool. The guys continued to talk about different meals at places like IHOP. Artie was telling Howard how he'll eat tons of food at a place like that while his girlfriend, Dana, will order a grapefruit and have no room on the table for it.
Artie wondered how many calories there is in a McGriddle sandwich. Howard guessed that it was about 1,800 or so with the amount of food and the type of food there is in it. A guy claiming to be from IHOP said that they've done studies on some of the different meals they have and the steak omelet has like 75,000 calories. He also told Howard about how they have a french toast with cream cheese already inside. A short time later Howard found out that the McGriddle sandwich has only 450 calories in it. He went on to read some of the other nutritional facts about the sandwich and how much fat and cholesterol there is in the thing. He seemed a little surprised that it was only 450 calories.
Artie said he actually shows some control with his eating. He said anytime you see him not eating, he's trying desperately not to eat. He said he'd be 400 pounds if he ate whenever he wanted to eat. Howard said he'd be the same way if he ate everything he wanted to as well. Scott DePace came in and said that Artie actually wanted two of the McGriddle sandwiches but he'd already gone out to get them. Artie said he also wanted two Cokes. He was kind of upset with Scott for not bringing his cell phone with him when he went out to get the breakfast.
Howard took a call from this guy who called in last week about grills. Howard said he was going to call the guy last week but he left his phone number in the studio. The guy gave him his number again and gave Howard some pointers on how to light the grill and stuff like that. The guy said he doesn't hear that many problems with the Viking grills. Howard said he wants a new grill since his is defective but the guy he got it from is just going to fix it. Howard said the cart that the grill sits on cost him $1600 alone. The grill was about another $4500. He said for that amount of money someone should come over and light the grill for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he pleasures himself anymore. Howard said he can't remember the last time he did it because his girlfriend is always around. He said he ''spanked his monkey'' for years before that though. The guy on the phone said that he doesn't have anything in common with Howard anymore since he's not spanking his monkey anymore. The guy also told Howard how great his 9/11 broadcast was back in 2001. Howard stayed on the air and gave everyone updates through the morning. Howard ended up talking about how lame it was that David Letterman took off a month after that happened. Meanwhile, he was at work every day doing his radio show. He complained that Letterman and Leno got all kinds of props when they returned to work after the disaster. He got no respect from the press even though he was there that day and every day after that.
A caller asked Howard about John Stamos and how he's doing phone service commercials. He wondered what happened to his career. Howard said he's not sure why he's doing it but there's nothing wrong with it. He said he'd do commercials like that if he's paid enough. He said he'd be willing to go on David Letterman's show to promote the commercials if that's what it takes. He said he'd be thrilled to do a commercial for the McGriddle sandwich. He did a phony commercial about that doing his announcer voice.
Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that he went on this web site where you can find the nutritional information about the meals Artie has been eating. He said he went on and found out that this one meal Artie had with Stuttering John last week had 83 grams of fat and was 1720 calories. That's a whole day's calorie intake for a normal person. That was just one meal for Artie. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard had the guy from before the break on the phone to play a Homeless game. He only had a DVD player to give away though. He quickly got to the game and said it's actually a Stripper quiz. Here are the questions and answers. Howard gave the guy a preview of the stripper who had a lot to say. She went to a private school but it didn't make much sense. Howard told the guy he had to get 3 out of 5 right. Here are the questions they asked the stripper:
Howard took a phone call from a guy who was asking Howard to work some of the bits and stuff like that. He was also kissing Howard's ass a little bit about the show.
Howard said that one of their interns heard that Arnold was coming in and wore a special Arnold t-shirt for him. Howard had the intern come in so he could check out the shirt. He said it read ''Vote for Arnold or he will kick your ass.'' Gary told Howard that the intern doesn't even work this shift but he wanted to come in to meet Arnold. Howard and Gary ended up talking about the way people react to Arnold when they see him. The intern said he wants Arnold to take his shirt off so he can compare himself to Arnold to see what he has to do to pump up. Will from the back office came in and said that he saw two women break down crying on the street after Arnold walked past them. It's crazy how people react to the guy. Howard asked the intern if he'd be willing to do something crazy like eat a McGriddle sandwich out of Artie's ass to get to meet Arnold. He didn't sound like he was that into it. Howard asked the intern what he's going to say to Arnold. Howard pretended to be Arnold and let the kid ask him some questions. Howard went off on him as if he was insulted by his lame questions. Howard and Robin said the intern really doesn't have anything to say to Arnold. He's going to let him come in to meet him anyway. Howard took a break so they'd be ready for Arnold when he showed up.
Howard asked Arnold what he's done to make himself look so good. Arnold said he hasn't had any surgery on his face. He said he's had surgery to fix his shoulder and stuff like that after hurting himself but he claims he hasn't had any face work done at all. Howard asked him if he'd ever got to McDonalds to eat one of these McGriddle sandwiches they were talking about earlier in the morning. Arnold said he would eat stuff like that, just not very often. He said he eats a lot of ice cream and stuff like that but he can cut himself off and watches what he eats at other times. He said he had to do that for this movie and he does appear naked at one point in the movie. He said he worked out for months before doing that scene so he'd look good for the part.
Robin brought up how Lou Ferrigno was on the show yesterday talking about how he could take on Arnold these days. Arnold said that he should be allowed to take him on. He talked about how great it is that Lou has overcome a lot of stuff like his hearing loss and he admires that. Robin joked that they have the same accent so Arnold said that when he loses his accent once in a while, he hangs out with Lou for a little while to get it back.
Howard asked Arnold about the $30 million deal he got to do the new ''Terminator'' movie. Arnold told him it wasn't that great of a deal and explained to Howard why that was. It sounded pretty good to me though. Arnold also talked about his wife and kids a little bit. He said that Maria is writing books and stuff like that and keeping busy. He said that their kids are now 13, 11, 9 and 5 years old. He said that the kids don't have TVs in their rooms and they're not even allowed to watch TV during the week. Howard said he always put his kids in front of the TV and let them watch as much as they wanted to as they were growing up. Howard said he never read much as a kid so he almost forced his kids to watch TV. He said he lucked out and the kids are great students. Arnold didn't have TV as a child so he doesn't feel that they'd be missing out on anything.
Arnold talked about the new home they're living in and how they had to move out of the other place because it was falling apart. Howard asked him how much he could have it for. Arnold told him he could have it for ''Twenty'' (million). Howard joked that ''Twenty bucks'' was all he could afford.
Howard talked to Arnold about his kids a little more. Howard asked him if he ever yells at them in German when he gets pissed. Arnold said he does do that once in a while. He gave them a few examples of what he might say when he gets on them about something.
Howard and Robin told Arnold how good this new movie is and how much they enjoyed it. Arnold talked about working on the movie and how hot the new Terminator is in the movie. She's played by Kristanna Loken. Howard asked him if he ever thinks about banging chicks like that. He said he doesn't and of course loves his wife Maria.
Howard asked Arnold about the possibility of him running for Governor of California. Arnold said he's not sure he's going to do that. He talked to Howard about that and what he would do about the next two Terminator movies if he was governor. He said he might not be able to do both things at the same time. Howard asked him if he's going to legalize pot when he becomes governor. He said he doesn't want to talk about the issues like that at this time. Howard said he believes he would do it because he did smoke pot in the movie ''Pumping Iron.''
Howard asked Arnold about the shooting of the Terminator movie and whether or not the crew got to see his penis. Arnold said he was a bit uptight about doing the scenes like that but he's not sure anyone saw it.
Howard talked a little more about the movie and some of the great scenes. ARnold told Howard that there's one scene where they dragged him through a building that he ended up paying for because it cost so much to film. It was a $1.4 million scene and he wanted it in the movie so he financed it. He described some of the other scenes in the movie and talked about how they wanted them to appear. He said they went all out to do this movie. Howard told him it shows because the movie is good.
Howard let this intern come in who was showing off his special t-shirt earlier. The intern came in and Howard told him to stay away from Arnold. Arnold let him go over to him though. The intern asked him if he ever feels stupid saying some of the lines he says. ARnold said he has questioned some of the lines like ''I'll Be Back'' in the first Terminator movie. He said he wanted to say ''I will be back'' but James Cameron told him to say it ''I'll be Back'' as it turned out in the movie. Now it's one of the most famous lines out there. He also talked to Howard about how he doesn't let his kids see movies like this one because they're too young for it at this time.
Howard took a few phone calls for Arnold before ending the interview. A couple of people commented on how great Arnold and Howard are. One caller asked Arnold if he's ever thought about changing his name so it doesn't contain ''negger'' in it. Arnold said a director once wanted him to change his name to Arnold Strong but he quickly changed it back.
Howard wrapped up the interview and told Arnold to pass along the word to the rest of Hollywood that his show is safe for them to do. He ended the interview a few seconds after that.
A listener called in to ask Artie about a joke he'd made to Arnold during the previous segment. He joked that Arnold was thinking of changing his name to ''Schwarzencoon'' from ''Schwarzenegger.'' Arnold looked at him and told him he was fired so Artie said he felt like he should walk out when he heard that. Howard said it wasn't the funniest joke but it went over okay. Artie said he'd say it again if he had the chance.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has no balls. He said they were lost to cancer back in 1997. He can't get an erection anymore because of that. He said it's not a physical thing though, it's mental. Howard said it's got to be the fact that he doesn't have balls. The guy said that he doesn't feel comfortable getting naked in front of his wife so that's one reason that he can't do it. He said it's about $7000 to get fake ones put in. He said he can't afford it so he wanted to participate in a contest or something. Howard told him they'd put him on a list of people who want to participate and see what they could do. Artie said he feels bad for the guy. Howard said he does too but they don't have anything for him right now.
Howard read a letter from a guy who thanked him for the show. The guy was an addict for a while and the show helped him get through some tough times. Another e-mailer complained about Howard talking about Lizzie Grubman. The writer went off on Howard and complained that his mother raised a horrible person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it seems like magician David Blaine likes to perform for black people because their reactions are so crazy. Howard ended up talking about Blaine for a few seconds and Robin reminded him that Blaine is the one who saved her life with the drink that she started using to lose her weight. She gave out the recipe for the drink which includes 10-12 ounces of water, 2 tablespoons of maple syrup, 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and 1/10 tablespoon of cayenne pepper. She said her immune system has been rejuvenated and she hasn't had a cold this year because of it. Artie said his sister started drinking it and he tried it. He said it's not all that bad.
The guy with no balls called back a short time later and complained that Howard was saying that he was ''pan handling'' for a set of balls. Howard told him that's what he was doing. The guy said that he has a bad back so he can't go out to work but he said he'd do anything to earn the money for the balls. Howard said he wasn't going to earn anything. He has a bad back so there are no stunts that he can do. Howard told him to get Dr. John Sarno's book (''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain'' and ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection'') and read about how his back pain isn't real. He had to move on to Daisy the porn star after that.
Howard said that Daisy is really messed up from her childhood. He went through some of the wacky stuff she's been through. Her mother won't tell her who her father is. Then, Daisy was left to be raised by her grandmother when she was 3 years old. She didn't see her mother again until she was 15 years old. Daisy's grandmother got sick when she was 4 so she was put in foster care. Howard said the whole thing must have been a nightmare. He said he hurts for her. She claims that she was molested by her foster father when she was only 6 years old. That went on for about 3 years. He didn't bang her though. She said that she and her sister were both molested. Howard read some other stuff about other foster parents she had and how they fondled her as well. There were other parents who drove her nuts so bad that she chased them around with knives. She was arrested and sent to juvenile hall for a while. She got 5 years probation because of that. Howard said this is all a prescription for a porn star. He said she's really cute though and he's going to watch her movies.
She said she lost her virginity at 15 to ''some guy'' but she'd done lesbian stuff at 13.
Howard said she was honored recently when they created a mold of her private parts. She said that they made a mold of her butt as well even though she's never done anal movies. Howard asked her how many guys she had sex with by the time she was 18. She said she wasn't sure but it wasn't ''hundreds'' like Howard was thinking. She said it may have been as many as 80 though. Gary told him that she said it was about 90 in the pre-interview.
Howard said she also said that she never got an STD doing porn movies but she did get one from someone outside of the porn industry. She talked about that and the fact that she doesn't do black guys in porn movies.
Howard brought in this virgin intern J.D. To see if he wanted to have sex with this chick. He wasn't interested in doing a porn chick. Howard told him he didn't have to do her and that they'd find her another chick some day.
Howard gave Daisy a plug for her web site VideoTeam.com where you can see her movies and stuff. He also asked her about how she got involved in the porn industry. She told Howard about this guy who fond her walking down the street one day. She said she didn't know it was porn at first but once she got involved, it took off from there. She said she always wanted to be a model but she was too short.
Howard talked to Daisy about why she won't do black guys in her movies. She said that it would affect her family if she did that so she won't do them. She said her sister has asked her not to do them in her movies. She can do black chicks though. A listener calling in as ''Mr. nig*er'' asked Daisy what was up with her not sleeping with black guys. She said it's not that she doesn't like black guys, she just can't do them in movies.
Howard gave her another quick plug for the web site again and said that he really feels like he should rescue her from this when he sees her young, angelic face. Robin asked her what she sees in her future. She said she's going to finish out her contract and then get into fashion designing. She said she'll stay in porn as long as she needs to though. Howard wrapped up the segment after talking to her about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some Dr. Phil clips to play for Howard. He bought a Dr. Phil CD and pulled some of his lame sayings from it. Howard said he likes to hear what Dr. Phil has to say. The guy was playing Dr. Phil's ''life law'' sayings which have some lame music behind them as he says them. The guy was playing them from his car so Howard said he wants to hear them right from the CD himself. He told Gary to get it for him so he can pick it apart. The guy said the CD he has is from 1999. Dr. Phil talks about his experiences with Oprah Winfrey on that was as well. He played some of that for Howard too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the Audi A8 he was looking for. Howard said his buddy Wayne Segal got the car already over at Legend Porsche Audi so he's got to go pick it up. The guy said that he's pretty sure the car doesn't have the air conditioned seats though. Howard said they got the car on Saturday afternoon so it was too late for him. He also said that the car has so many gizmos that Wayne has to teach him how to use it. He said he's too lazy to read the manual himself so Wayne has to teach him. Howard had Robin start her news shortly after that.
Howard started off wondering what his name means. He doesn't like the name and doesn't think the audience out there likes it much either.
Howard said they were discussing Steven Spielberg and Oprah Winfrey and how much money they make. He said they read that Spielberg gets a percentage of money from the Universal Studios theme park revenues because they have some of his movies featured in the park. Howard said his family will continue to get money for as long as the park is open. They've estimated that he's made over a billion dollars from the park already. Howard read some of the article and they claim that Spielberg gets money even from the food sales at the park. Howard and the guys were also talking about Oprah Winfrey and the money she makes. She's doing some kind of tour where she's going to be giving the proceeds to charity. Howard said Gary asked him why she would do that. Howard said that maybe she's charitable but Gary thinks it's an awful lot of work to end up giving away the money. Howard played some audio clips of Oprah talking about her fans and stuff. That led to the guys talking about her and how she used to smoke crack years ago. She also has an illegitimate child. Howard said he thought Artie was joking when he mentioned the crack smoking and didn't remember that story. Robin told Howard what she knew about it and Howard seemed surprised.
Gary told Howard that he knows a guy who's getting divorced and it's all because his wife read Dr. Phil's book. She felt that there were things missing from her life after reading the book. Howard said Dr. Phil should have to pay for the divorce then. He ended up goofing on Dr. Phil for a couple of minutes after that.
Howard said he was mentioned on Oprah Winfrey's show recently. Gary told him it was just Trista from ''The Bachelorette'' talking about what she was going to be doing when he got the quick mention.
Howard said he loves this show ''For Love or Money.'' He's been watching it a lot but the end has been getting cut off by his TiVo. Robin said they're running it long over at NBC so it's no the TiVo's fault.
Howard said he had sex last night and his balls don't hurt anymore like they did yesterday. He said it wasn't a groin pull like he thought it was. He said his fans were telling him that he should stop running if he's hurting his balls working out and stuff. Howard said he decided to just go for it with her after she told him how hot it was and took off all of her clothes. He said after they did it his ball was cured. He said poon tang is the cure for everything. He played Roger Alan Wade's ''Sweet Poon Tang'' song a little bit in celebration of the cure. Howard also brought up the band Gloritone and how he asked their program director to play the band's music on the station to give them a little help getting a record deal. He said he doesn't have any interest in getting them a deal but he thought it would be cool to help out the band and maybe launch them into a career. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
A woman called in and said she has a problem because her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend. She said she just found out about it and she had her best friend on the phone with her to talk about it. Howard couldn't hear the friend very well so he was getting kind of pissed off. The girl who called in was only 19 years old and sounded really young. Howard said he didn't know why she was even still talking to her best friend if she's with her boyfriend. The girl ended up ruining the whole thing when she started to say that her boyfriend has a band. Howard said it was a bogus call and moved on.
Yesterday late in the show Howard was talking about how comedian Ron Zimmerman has gotten very strange with his e-mails lately. Howard said Ron wrote him a long e-mail recently and thought that Howard didn't like him anymore. Howard said he really likes Ron but after this pilot ''Kane'' was dropped by CBS, things got a little weird between the two of them. Ron was writing for the show and thought Howard started to avoid him after the show was dropped. Howard said he really doesn't send e-mails to anyone so he wasn't ignoring Ron or anything like that. He said he doesn't even remember Ron writing to him. Robin said she's gotten e-mails in the past and accidentally deleted them. She said one time she must have accidentally deleted one of Ron's e-mails and he knew that she'd done that so he asked her what was up with that. She said since then she makes sure she responds to them. Howard said he has no bad feelings toward Ron but now the guy won't even return his calls or pick up the phone when they call him.
Howard said he heard from movie reviewer Marshall Fine who said the new ''Charlie's Angels'' really sucks. Howard said he feels like a lot of people went to see the first one but won't go back to see the second one because they don't want to get ripped off again. Howard talked about how annoying all of the girls from the movie are and how much of a hypocrite Drew Barrymore is saying that the movie was made to empower women when the women in the movie are running around in bikinis and stuff. Howard said he was invited to the movie premiere but he's not going to put himself through that. He played a clip of Drew Barrymore talking about the movie and not making much sense. Howard said he just wants the madness to stop with this movie already. He wants it to fail but he knows it's going to be a big hit now. Howard played a clip of Demi Moore talking about Ashton Kutcher a little bit. She wasn't willing to give many details to the interviewer (Matt Lauer) though. Howard said she really is a bad interview. He and the guys goofed on her for a short time. A listener called in after that and said she was shaking like crazy during the interview. Howard said she was also out seen dancing on a table one night recently. Howard said it's all about her when she's out. He also had an audio clip of her appearing on David Letterman's show and not talking much about Ashton. She had a lot of one word answers and wouldn't give Dave many details about the relationship. Howard wondered how embarrassed she'll be when her relationship with Ashton is over next week. Howard and the guys got back to Drew Barrymore and goofed on her a little bit more.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that the band Jane's Addiction mentioned him on MTV2 the other day. She said they were talking about how Howard helped get them back together when he asked them to do a song for the ''Private Parts'' soundtrack album. The woman, who said she was 24, sounded like a young girl talking about her favorite bands. Howard and Artie goofed on her a little bit and she ended up getting a little pissed at them about that. She was also going off on President Bush so Howard tried to find out why she was so upset about him. She said that Bush killed hundreds of people in Texas when he was governor there. She was also saying that he imprisons people every day. Howard ended up goofing on her even more when she said she doesn't think people should be killed for breaking the law. She said some really dopey things that the guys goofed on her about. She asked Howard ''If everyone killed someone else, should the world come to an end just because of that?'' They goofed on her about that and the fact that she was upset that drugs aren't legal. By the end of the call the woman hated Howard even though she called in to kiss his ass a little bit. She got really pissed and said she would be nice to him if he wasn't being so rude to her. Howard ended up telling her to get back to her job cleaning buildings and hung up on her after she went off on him for a short time.
Howard had some other stuff to kill some time while they waited for Simon Cowell. He had some news stories to read and stuff like that. He read one story about a woman who was kidnapped by a Saudi Arabian guy who held her prisoner for years. Howard said you don't hear about any alimony demands from women like that who just want to get out of the country to get away from their husband. Howard and Artie did their Arab impressions and goofed on the whole thing. Robin said the woman should come home and tell all of the women in the United States how good they have it over here.
Howard had some voice mail to play. He said most of it is very negative. He was about to start playing it when he found out that Simon Cowell was there. He took a call from Chaunce Hayden who told him how hot Victoria Gotti is. He saw her at a party the other night and said she was really cute. He said she looks like she's 25 years old even though she's like 40. Howard said he'd be afraid to be with someone like that because of who her family is. Chaunce said he was threatened by her years ago. He claims that she called him and asked him if he knew who her family was and what they could do to him. He said he almost fainted when she said that. Howard said he's never been able to say that with his family. His father can't do anything to anyone.
Howard asked Simon about all of the deals he has going on with the TV shows and the record companies and stuff. Simon told Howard how he and another guy came up with the idea for the ''American Idol'' show but Simon let the other guy take the TV rights. He took the record company deal instead. He said he sold his half of the record company and got a good deal. He sounds very happy with the money he's making.
Howard brought up the fact that Simon called Tabitha Stevens and left a message for her a while back. He's dating a girl now but Howard figured he's still dating other women if he's calling a Tabitha Stevens. Simon thought that was kind of funny the way Howard brought up his girlfriend and then mentioned that he's dating other women. Howard asked him if he uses a condom when he has sex with porn stars. Simon said he uses a condom all the time with porn stars. He said he actually thinks it's safer to be with a porn star than with a regular woman because they take more precautions than other people do. Howard said he was going to get Tabitha on the phone so they could talk to her as well. He wondered how Simon became aware of Tabitha and if he had a big library of porn in his home.
Tabitha Stevens (Videos) was on the phone to talk to Simon. Simon said he didn't know that Tabitha was a porn star when he called and left a message with her. Howard told Tabitha that if she didn't play his voice message on the show, he probably would have banged her. He can't do it now because he has a girlfriend. Howard wondered why she did that to him. She said she didn't know he was dating someone. Howard said Tabitha was putting the word out that she's still available. Simon didn't seem to have any desire to do anything with her now though.
Howard asked Simon what other porn stars he likes. He said that he likes Tabitha Cash(Videos) and that was about as far as they got. Howard told Simon about this girl Daisy they had on the show yesterday who was pretty hot.
Howard said last time Simon was on the show he said that Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini were going to ruin their careers doing this movie that just came out. Simon went on to explain why that was. Robin and Howard also brought up ''American Juniors'' and how horrible that show is. Simon said he has nothing to do with that show and said he didn't like it either. He said the people at FOX put that together and asked him if he had any desire to do it. He doesn't want anything to do with it and told them that he'd rather hear fingers scratching down the chalkboard. Simon also talked about what makes ''American Idol'' the big hit that it is. He said that it's cruelty that made it such a hit. Now they've ruined that and the show has gone down hill. Simon said that the celebrity judges were a waste and he didn't think they should be there.
Howard asked Simon about the fact that Clay Aiken's CD is selling more than the winner Ruben Studderd's. Simon thinks that it's the song selection, not that Clay is better than Ruben. Howard also asked him about Clay's sexuality and if he's spoken to him about that. Simon said he doesn't have to talk to him about it, he can just look at him and know all he needs to know.
Howard brought up this talking bobble head doll of Simon that's out now. He said he gets some money from that so he doesn't mind that they've got them out there. Howard also asked Simon about all of the money FOX is making from the show and how they don't want to give him what he wants. He said he hates to negotiate with them when they should just pay him or tell him to get lost.
Simon asked for a cup of tea at one point and Howard wondered where he was going to get that. He told Simon that tea is a gay drink so he gave him a bottle of water instead when Simon asked if he could have some type of liquid.
Howard talked to Simon about the other people on ''American Idol'' as well. Simon said that he likes Ryan Seacrest even though he was goofing on him a little bit. He also told Howard that he thinks Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson would be hard to replace because there is a bit of chemistry there. He said they only have a cast of 3 people there on the show so he doesn't understand why FOX wants to negotiate. He just wants to be paid what he thinks he's worth. Howard also asked Simon about this rip off show ''Fame'' that's on now. Simon said that it's pretty much bombed in the ratings.
Howard had tape of Benjy going out on the street to ask people about ''American Idol'' and Simon. The one guy Howard played said he thinks that Simon is a ''faggot'' because of the way he acts and dresses. Simon didn't seem to care about what he heard though.
Howard asked Simon about this new show of his, ''Cupid.'' Simon explained the show to Howard and said they've put some twists on the normal dating game. He said the main girl in the game is incredibly hot and guys did some really lame stuff to try and get on the show. They go from 50 guys to 10 and then the 10 date the girl and the audience gets to vote the guys off the show.
Howard was getting the signal that Simon had to go. He had to get over to Regis' show to get ready for the co-hosting gig. He's actually co-hosting with Kelly Ripa. The guest he was going to be interviewing was someone he'd never heard of so Artie was trying to give him some information about her. He was giving her some incorrect stuff though so Simon could screw up the interview. Howard wrapped it up shortly after that but not before Simon asked for Fred to play the Neil Sedaka ''You are ear delicious'' sound clip a few more times. He loved that clip so they played it for him a few times. They also quickly talked about a few other things like Frenchie getting booted off the show and stuff like that. Howard then went to break so Simon could get out of there.
Howard said they got a big bag full of McGriddle sandwiches and hash browns because of the conversation they had about the McGriddles yesterday. Howard said he might have to take a bite of the McGriddle because they got so many. The McGriddle is a breakfast sandwich that uses pancakes with syrup injected into the middle. Howard took a bite of one just to see how good it was. He said ''It smells.... So good'' and then took a bite of it and said it was really good. He wanted Robin and Fred to try it but they passed. Fred said he'd rather eat poison. Even Benjy passed on it. Artie was munching away on all of it though. Howard went on to read an e-mail about the McGriddle. The guy wrote in and said that it wasn't as good as Artie said it was. Howard tried it though, and said it really was good. Howard also took a phone call from a guy who told Artie how bad all of that stuff is for him. Howard said it was kind of odd how when you bite into the sandwich, it feels like it's ''finishing'' in your mouth. He said he's never had that sensation before.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in to talk about the Spike Lee lawsuit. He talked about how Spike can lose a lot of money in the case if he loses it. Howard said he got an e-mail from a guy who had a bunch of crazy lawsuits listed on it. There were stories about people suing stores after tripping over their own child and stuff like that. There was another one where a guy sued a homeowner after getting locked in a garage for 8 days when he was trying to rob the house... and he won the case. Howard read some other stories like one about a guy who was shooting his neighbor's dog with a pellet gun and got bitten. He sued and won the case but for less money than he sued for. There were a couple of other stories that sounded too crazy to be true.
Howard said that Dominic is trying out Robin's diet to lose some weight. Howard said he told Dominic that if he just ate 3 square meals a day he'd lose weight. Dominic told Robin that he was watching old tapes from Howard's channel 9 TV show and she looks younger now than she did back in 1992. Howard went on to talk about how much Dominic eats and how fattening the food is that he eats. Howard said he ordered a plate of pasta for the table but no one else there was eating it. Howard said all he thinks about is how bad he'll look in his bathing suit at the pool during the summer and that helps him keep the weight off. He got back to the meal he had with Dominic and said that when he went home he told Beth that Dominic probably went home and ate even more. Dominic said he can't remember if he did or not. He also told Howard that he shares some of his food with his Golden Retriever and the dog weighs about 200 pounds because of that. He said the dog can barely walk.
Howard took a call from a guy at Bally Total Fitness who thinks that they can get Dominic to lose some weight. The guy thinks that they could get him on their weight loss plan and he'd lose some weight. Dominic said he'd like to do something like compete against Artie in a weight loss challenge. Artie said that wouldn't be fair because Dominic has a lot more weight to lose than he does. Dominic said he may do something but wouldn't commit to anything. After Dominic got off the phone Gary said he'll never call Ballys.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to have an eating competition against Artie with the McGriddle sandwiches. Artie said he ate two of them and he was woozy. He didn't think he'd be able to eat anymore than that. The guy on the phone said he could eat four of the McGriddle sandwiches.
Howard said he was going to give their virgin intern, J.D., the Terminator 3 leather jacket that Arnold Schwarzenegger gave them yesterday. Howard had J.D. come in to try on the jacket. When he put it on Howard said it actually looked good on him. They threw some sun glasses on him and he looked pretty cool. Howard told him to walk around all day in the leather jacket even though it was 90 degrees in New York City today. Howard also told him to stop smiling so much and to keep his mouth shut when he talks.
Howard said he was at his psychiatrist's office yesterday and a couple of black kids just started throwing rocks at the guy's window for no reason. He said he was going to go out and beat the crap out of the kids but never did. The kids were only about 12 years old or so. He said it was really weird and it reminded him of his days living in Roosevelt as a kid. He had to take another break right after that quick discussion.
Howard said that he read that Lizzie Grubman is giving some kind of speech at the Learning Annex and it's disgusting to him. He said she has no shame at all after running over a bunch of people at a club and then driving away.
Howard said Benjy was watching ''American Junior'' and pointed out how the kids performing on the show are singing songs that are really inappropriate. One girl was singing Journey's ''Open Arms'' which has lyrics like ''Lying beside you, here in the dark, feeling you heart beating with mine.'' He talked about that for a few seconds and then moved on to some e-mail.
Howard read an e-mail about how disturbing the midgets he had on the show were. Another person wrote in about the Drew Barrymore discussions Howard has been having lately. That writer agreed with what Howard was saying about her being a hypocrite. There were a bunch of e-mails about Arnold Schwarzenegger's appearance yesterday. Howard said about 70 percent of the e-mail was positive. The others didn't like it for various reasons. Howard got a lot of other e-mail about guests he's had on the show. There was also some controversy over the Stripper Game question about who invented the light bulb. Someone wrote in and said that Thomas Edison didn't invent it, it was someone else who actually did invent it. Edison actually found a way to make the filament last longer.
Howard read a story about an Asian woman who poured hot oil on her 22 year old daughter's face while she slept. Howard said he sees these older Asian women walking around all the time and they all look pissed off for some reason. Howard thanked his parents for just torturing him psychologically through his childhood. They didn't do anything physical to him like pouring hot oil on him.
Howard said the Black Entertainment Awards were on last night so he had some clips to play from that. He said everyone is plugging stuff these days when they accept their awards. He played one clip where everyone on stage gave a plug for their albums and TV shows and stuff. Michael Jackson was on the show and he presented an award to James Brown and started to cry as he was announcing it. One of the announcers told Michael that he's still black to him, even though he's turned white. Robert De Niro broke down crying as he was accepting an award as well. Howard played that clip and pointed out how De Niro was clicking while he was talking. He said it sounded like one of those African tribes with the plates in their lips who click when they talk. Howard goofed on that for a short time making all kinds of clicking sounds while Fred played some drum sound effects in the background. Howard said the next time they have a black chick as a guest on the show, he's going to click like De Niro for them. A listener called in and said Howard has a new game with all of those people breaking down and crying. He said he could play ''Name that Pussy'' with the clips. Howard had some other tapes he wanted to play but he said he was going to wait until tomorrow to play them. He had to take a break before having Robin do her news.
Howard said Pamela Anderson is going to be calling in later in the morning. He said that she was on Jay Leno's show last night and he asked her about what happened with her and Kid Rock. She said that she didn't want to talk about it but did say that Kid Rock is a great guy and she's in a ''mini holding pattern'' right now as far as relationships go. Howard said it's weird how she dates celebrities and then doesn't want to talk about it when people want to know more about it. Howard said he knew that Pam and Kid Rock would break up after she announced her Hepatitis C. He said she's a handful as it is. He talked about how well she's holding up. Artie was talking about how hot she looked on one of the old E! shows where she came in dressed in a see-through turtle neck sweater. Howard told him how he went out with Pam to a strip club one night and how worn out he was after that. He said there was a lot of conversation going on between her and her friends and other people who came up to her. He said Pam and her friends were constantly talking in a way that was hard to understand. There was also a lot of giggling going on between them. Howard also made out with her a little bit but no one even remembers that he was even there. The guys were talking about how old Pam is getting and what might happen when she gets even older and starts falling apart. She's turning 36 on July 1st.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up a comment he made to Simon Cowell yesterday about drinking tea. Howard joked that it was gay to drink tea but he was just kidding. The guy on the phone said that he likes to drink tea and it's usually Cammamile tea. Howard asked him what he does for a living. The guy said he's unemployed right now. He was an actor in Oregon. That comment got a laugh out of everyone in the studio. Howard went on to goof on him a little bit about that and asked him if he's checked out the acting field in Nebraska. He goofed on him for a little bit after that before taking another call.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if he was still dating Beth because he doesn't mention her much these days. Howard said he is still with her but doesn't bring her up because people get on him if he talks about her too much. Howard said a lot of people goof on him about dating Beth because they think that he wouldn't be able to get her if he wasn't ''Howard Stern.'' He said that he is Howard Stern though so that's ridiculous.
Howard had a bunch of voice mail messages to play. This woman who leaves messages for Howard all the time was calling in and complaining about this other guy who leaves messages about Robin and using up all of their time. She went off on him for a few seconds instead of going off on Howard. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard said he wrote a letter to Ron Zimmerman this morning since they couldn't get him on the phone yesterday. He said he was writing to him about how he didn't have any hard feelings toward him but then started thinking about it and decided that Ron was being kind of rude about him and his agent in some of the e-mails he's gotten from him. He said Ron is very angry and pissed off at him and his agent over this show ''Kane'' that they were working on for CBS. Howard said Ron's brother sent him an e-mail he got from him about 3 years ago when they stopped talking to one another. Howard said Ron's brother is a big name in the Barbecueing industry so one friendship ends and another one may start. He said Ron's brother will be coming to New York soon to do some grilling classes so he may have to meet him.
Howard quickly mentioned that the Carnie Wilson interview is airing on the E! show tonight.
Howard said a lot of people were very angry about Simon Cowell's comments about Clay Aiken during yesterday's interview. Simon hinted that he might think that Clay is gay so a lot of people got pissed and e-mailed the show. Howard read some of the e-mails and people were really pissed about him saying that Clay is gay. Robin said the Clay fans are very passionate about defending their ''American Idol.'' She figures that these are all ''Clay Mates.'' A bunch of people think that Simon is the gay one.
Howard said he got some mail about the McGriddle sandwich Artie has been eating lately. One guy thanked him for mentioning it because it's great. Other people talked about how heavy the sandwiches are and how he had to take a dump after eating just one. He didn't know how Artie could eat two. Other people wrote in about the food Artie eats and how bad it is for him.
One person wrote in about Arnold Schwarzenegger's face and how it had to have been lifted. Howard said he has to believe that Arnold did something to his face because he doesn't even have a laugh line in it. Robin seems to think that he had to have had something done but she doesn't know what.
Someone wrote in about Stuttering John's feet discussion from yesterday's show. John was walking around in sandals with his nasty, long, fungus infected toenails hanging out. People were complaining about John and wondering how he stays on.
Howard said some people are looking for pictures of virgin intern J.D. To be put on the web site. Howard said that's going to have to wait though. Next week Beth is supposed to come in to help give him a make over. Howard said he kind of gave J.D. a make over yesterday when he gave him Arnold Schwarzenegger's ''Terminator 3'' leather jacket.
Howard said a lot of people liked the discussion about Robert De Niro's clicking sounds when he started crying while accepting an award. Howard said he sounded like an African tribesman with plates in his lips yesterday and goofed on him for a few minutes. Howard replayed the clip of De Niro crying and clicking and goofed on his clicking a little more. Howard clicked while Fred played some African tribe sound effects in the background. Howard also talked about how great De Niro is in all of those movie's he's been in. They talked about his great movies like
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted his advice on which strip club to visit when he's out there with 30 of his buddies. Artie suggested Club Paradise which is right across the street from the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Howard said he hasn't been to many strip clubs out there so that was the only one they told him about.
Howard took a call from a woman who claimed to have spoken to him 9 months ago. She was mumbling and rambling stuff that Howard couldn't understand so he wanted to bail out on the call. She ended up baling out on him before he got the chance to hang up on her though.
Howard took another call from a guy who wondered what Howard did to get rid of his back pain. The guy said he read Dr. Sarno's book (''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain'' or ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection'') about back pain and wondered if Howard did anything else. Howard told him he went to some seminars and stuff and it worked for him. The guy had too many questions so Howard flipped out and told him to just go to the doctor himself and talk to him. He got him off the phone and took a call from a woman who said she accidentally messed her pants when she thought she had to fart. She wondered if anyone else has had that problem. Howard said everyone there has had that problem. Even Robin did it once and it ran down her panties. The woman said she was at work and it ran down her leg when she farted since she wasn't wearing panties. She said she works at a watch counter so it ended up on the floor. No one else saw it happen though. She said she wiped it up with some paper towels and no one saw it. Howard was going to give the woman a prize but Gary told him they didn't have what he thought they did. They ended up giving her a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said she works at a watch counter so she doesn't really need a watch. Gary said she could get some other jewelry instead. Howard went on to ask the woman some other questions while she was on the phone. She's not into guys so he talked to her about that. She mentioned something about being Hispanic so Howard said he saw some really hot Hispanic chicks out on the street yesterday while he was running. He said he knows that the women will probably blow up in a couple of years so it was the right time to just bang them. He said they're the nastiest women because they'll do anything to you. Howard continued to talk to this woman about her accident and the delay got hit at one point. She told Howard that she's 160 pounds so Howard was kind of bummed out by that. She said she's 5'10'' tall and it's not that heavy. Howard told her she should weigh about 125 pounds. Artie said that's the weight that Mookie Wilson played ball at. Howard had to get rid of her after hearing that. He told her to send him a picture so he could check her out.
Gary reminded Howard that Dynamite actually gave High Pitch Erik sex one time (5/26/00). Howard said he completely forgot about that. He asked her what that was like and if Erik actually finished. She said he did but it wasn't one of the highlights of her life. She said he turned her off a bit. Her husband made Erik shower before he banged her so she wouldn't stink. Her husband actually set up her gang bangs in the past but has nothing to do with this event. She ended up talking about how she met her husband and a boyfriend she had. She told Howard about some of the stuff she's done with them.
Howard brought up the mayonnaise thing again and told her what he wanted to do. They planned on throwing mayonnaise at her while she was naked. She said she didn't want any of it on her face though. She said she had the show to do so she didn't want her face messed up. Howard convinced her to just let them do it though.
Howard had her get naked and found out she's only 4'10'' tall. He also read that she doesn't talk to her mother anymore because she slept with her mother's boyfriend when she was only 17 or 18 years old. She ended up getting kicked out of the house after her mother found out. She was talking about the relationship and almost started to cry as she was telling them about it.
Howard had Dynamite get ready to get mayo-kakked to simulate what it would be like when guys pleasure themselves on her for this movie she's doing. They had squirt bottles to use to spray her with the mayo. Howard went for the body first. Benjy shot her in the face with the phony spooge. The rest of the guys also shot their loads (of mayo) on her and made a mess out of her. She said she was ready for a shower after just a few seconds of the mayo shots. Howard wondered how she could go through with that with 625 guys when just a few guys with mayonnaise made a mess out of her. Howard wrapped up the interview while Dynamite was cleaning up her mess. He gave her another plug for the web site and went to break a few seconds later.
Howard took some phone calls after talking about Dynamite. One guy was talking about how bad Madonna looked in an interview she did with Matt Lauer recently. Howard said she might exercise too much and that can make a mess out of a person. He also talked about her bad teeth that she won't fix.
Another caller mentioned how the delay was hit earlier when Howard was talking to the woman about how she crapped herself when she was at work. Howard said that's why he has to get out of the business. He said every two year old talks about stuff like that and it's absurd that there's a double standard with his show and all of these other shows on TV that curse and show nudity and stuff like that. Howard said it's making him mental that this guy Dead Air Dave is back in the back office bleeping his show like that. Howard said when they do that it bleeps out whole segments of the show even if they just say one word wrong. Howard said he's done with all of this and doesn't think he'll even do satellite radio. The guy said that even if he did go on satellite, it would be weird to hear him curse. Howard said that's true but he's done doing what he does.
A 19 year old woman called in and said she wants to be on the show to be evaluated. She had no idea that she was on the air with him even though Robin was talking to her. Howard kept goofing on her by telling her that she was on the air and then asking her the same questions. She put up with it a few times but still didn't seem to know it was Howard. Robin tried to help her out by telling her to say ''Hi Howard'' the next time he said ''Hi, you're on the air.'' She still didn't get it though so Howard put her on hold to book her for the show.
A listener called in and told Howard that on the USA Network they showed ''American Pie'' and let the ''C-word'' out when the girl was talking about being at Band Camp and putting an instrument up there. Howard said that's what he was talking about earlier.
Howard took some phone calls for Chaunce and every one he gets is negative. Chaunce said that Stuttering John just won't let through the nice calls. Howard told Chaunce that they never get any positive calls or e-mail about him. They're not holding them back, they just don't get them. Howard told Chaunce he likes having him on the air so that's all he should worry about. Chaunce went on to bug Howard about having Kendra on the show so Howard figures there's something going on between the two of them. Chaunce said there isn't anything going on though. Howard thought he had a positive call about Chaunce but the guy said he just said that to get on the air. He said he didn't like Chaunce at all. Howard let another caller through who was complaining about the free magazine Chaunce works for, Steppin' Out, and how it's not really free. Howard let the guy go off on him for a minute but got sick of it and hung up on him. Howard let Chaunce go a short time after that.
Howard brought up a few news stories after that segment. He talked about this MTV beach house out in the Hamptons on Long Island. A bunch of hip hop fans got into a fight at some club out there after hanging out at the beach house. Howard read the article to Robin and ended up discussing the story for a few minutes. There was some ''play fighting'' which eventually led to real fighting. While Howard was reading the story a listener called in and asked why he had to say ''Hip hop fans'' instead of ''a bunch of black kids'' like it really was. Howard said he was just reading the article and he knows that hip hop fans is just code for ''black kids.'' That led to Artie and Howard talking about other ''hip hop fans'' who have caused trouble lately.
Howard took a call from a woman who brought up Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's odd relationship. Howard had to interrupt that call to get Pamela Anderson on the phone.
Howard asked Pam why she's shocked when she goes out with someone like Kid Rock or Tommy Lee and then everyone wants to know about it. Howard told her that she brought them through the whole relationship so she should talk about the break-up with Kid Rock. Howard said he heard that Pam was messing around with Fred Durst and Kid Rock found out about it. Pam said that's not what happened and she has only spoken to him. She met him at this Playboy party she was at and that was it. Howard went on to talk about how cool Kid Rock was about Pam and how in love he seemed to be when he was with her. Pam said that Tommy Lee is the father of her kids and will always be in her life. Howard seems to think that she's back together with Tommy but she said she's not. She said she's got this cartoon coming out and this Tommy Lee/Kid Rock thing is getting in the way.
Howard thinks that he could have slept with Pam one night that he was hanging out with her. Pam said that never would have happened but he may have been able to get some of her friends.
Howard and Pam talked about the ''Stripperella'' cartoon a little bit. Pam said that in the cartoon she's able to cut glass with her nipples. Howard talked about how racy they've gotten with the shows on that channel.
Stuttering John came in and asked Pam if there was any tongue involved when she and Howard kissed. She said there wasn't any tongue. Howard continued to talk about how he thinks he could have gotten her. Howard talked about how nuts he got after trying to listen to Pam and her friends talking to one another. He said he got a headache and had to head up to his room to get away from it. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that he remembers that night and saw Howard and Pam going at it ''like the plane was going down.'' Howard let him get off the phone since he was calling in from a bus.
Howard told Pam he knew that she and Kid Rock would break up after she announced her Hepatitis C. Howard tried to get some more info out of her about the Kid Rock thing but she wasn't talking about it. She tried to change the subject and told him that her birthday is coming up soon. She said her web site will be going up that day. Howard asked Pam if she's banged Tommy Lee in the past month. She said she wouldn't tell him if she was or wasn't so Howard took that as being a ''yes.'' Howard asked her if she's horny. She said she is even though it hasn't been that long since she got it. Howard figures that Kid Rock just didn't know how to give it to Pam hard enough. Pam said Bob (Kid Rock) was going to kill her if she talked about this stuff. She said he's a great guy and didn't want Howard talking about that stuff. Pam said that they didn't get to see each other enough because the commute was too far for them. Howard wondered if Kid Rock was backing of with the sex because of the Hepatitis C thing. She said she's actually getting healthier now so that wasn't it.
Howard asked Pam to swear on her mother's life that she hadn't slept with Tommy Lee in the past 3 months. She said she never swears on her mother so that wasn't happening. Howard said that means she probably has done him then. Artie was telling Pam how great it was that she gave oral to Tommy while wearing sunglasses. He saw that Pam and Tommy home video and liked that part of it.
Howard gave Pam another plug for the ''Stripperella'' cartoon and asked her a couple more questions about her sex life before letting her go. He wanted to know how long it had been since she had sex. She said it had been about a month but wouldn't give exact dates or anything.
Howard wanted to know the truth about Pam and Kid Rock's break up. She said she wanted Kid Rock to be a rock star and she wanted to be with her kids and close to their father. Pam said there was nothing bad that happened between them. There was just a lot of little things that brought the break up on.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and ended up explaining what a McGriddle sandwich was after one of the listeners told Artie he'd just tried one after hearing him talking about how great they are. Another caller told Howard that he and Pam have to get together. Howard said Pam wouldn't be able to handle his life though. He told her how he'd get her into a structured life and stuff like that.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Pam and even more guys were asking about Tommy. She eventually said that she was pretty sure that she hadn't had sex with Tommy in the past year. She said she really didn't want to talk about Tommy or Bob. Howard wondered if Pam's vagina had to adjust from Tommy's big penis to Kid Rock's penis size. Robin said the vagina is flexible so it can adjust to stuff like that. Howard also had Robin quote Angie Everhart who said that Howard was the best lover she ever had. He wanted Pam to know what she was missing out on.
Howard asked Pam a few more questions about her cartoon and how her character got her superpowers. She wasn't so sure about that stuff so Howard told her it was ridiculous. He said he'd have to talk to Stan Lee about that stuff to find out what the real story is. He started to wrap up the call but still had a bunch of questions about her relationships. He eventually let her go after a 35 minute phone call. He took a break a short time later.
Jeff made a comment about being 50 years old which surprised everyone in the studio. Howard and Artie talked about how good he looks for a 50 year old. They spent a few seconds on that before Howard took the first call about ''It's Just Wrong.'' A woman called in and said she could bring her brother in to play the game. She said she's 31 years old, 5'8'' tall and weighs 125 pounds. Howard said she should be 5'10'' tall at that weight but there's nothing she can do about that.
Another woman called in and asked Howard for his help finding Todd Rundgren's phone number. She said a guy she knew died recently and Todd was his favorite artiest. She said she was willing to pay whatever it took to get him to the funeral. She said they'd pay $100,000 to get him to appear there. Howard said he and ''The Losers'' would do it for $50,000. He went on to tell the woman how to try and get hold of his agent instead of calling him. The woman said she's been searching the internet and hasn't been able to find a contact number for him. The guys were all goofing on her about the whole thing but she really wanted them to help her out. She figured they'd have some kind of way to help her get in touch with him. She eventually hung up on Howard after being goofed on for a few minutes. Howard then had Robin start her news. Jeff stuck around to comment on the stories she brought up.
Howard said he made the mistake of going on one of the web sites that talks about the show (The Underground Howard Stern Message Board). He said he's never been more deflated than ever before. He said there was a discussion about Beth in ''Razor Magazine'' and how she's not hot at all. He said there were also discussions about how he enhances his voice and how much the show sucks with Artie on it now. Howard said they were discussing how unfunny he's always been and how he must have been funny like 10 years ago and got on the radio. He discussed that with Robin for a short time but quickly moved on.
Howard said a movie company sent over a DVD of this new movie ''28 Days Later'' and he started to watch it but the DVD just stopped at one point and he couldn't see the whole thing. He said it started out really good but he didn't get to see it all. He was going to talk about it druing the show today but he got pissed when he couldn't watch the whole thing. He said he started to watch some of the old episodes of ''Star Trek Enterprise'' episodes that he had recorded. Robin told Howard she doesn't know how he watches that with Scott Backula because she can't get through anythign with him in it. She was also surprised that he didn't get back to watching ''Old School'' which he's been watching like most people read a book. He only watches little bits and pieces of it.
Howard said the people on the web site he was checking out yesterday were also talking about how Robin doesn't do anything on the show. He said they'll probably talk about the movie discussion and how she sits there doing nothing.
Howard brought up the death of Strom Thurmond. Benjy told Howard that the guy has 3 living kids in their 20's and one who died when she was about 34. There's also a rumor that he had a black kid who would be in it's 70's but it's just a rumor. Howard talked about how the guy was hateful toward black people and how they kind of skirt around that subject during speeches about his death. Howard and the guys discussed him for a short time and goofed on him a little bit as well. Howard said he also read that Buddy Ebsen was admitted into the hospital so he may be next to go.
Howard said he was being told to take a break but he ended up talking about how Mr. T was coming in this morning. Howard said he'll probably be yelling and sweating a lot. He took a break right after that.
He changed subjects and brought up how dirty the bathroom is there at the station. He said everyone was complaining to him about how dirty the men's room is and how there's been this pubic hair hanging on the soap dispenser for 3 days. He said he had Gary send the hair over to the people at Court TV to check it out and find out if it actually is a pubic hair. Gary said Artie told him about it three days ago and they kept an eye on it to see how long it would stay. It just never went away. He also told Howard they can take a DNA sample from it if it has a follicle on it. They were going to try and find out whose it was. It was very dark hair so Gary figured it could be him or Artie, not someone like Fred. Howard also talked about how Benjy was caught not washing his hands after going pee the other day. After doing that he went and ate some food in the studio. The guys were all talking about the different ways they get out of the bathroom without touching the door knob. Artie and Howard were talking about how they don't want to smell the stuff in the bathroom. Gary told Howard that Stuttering John sometimes comes out of the bathroom with his arms up and says ''A smelly doody is a healthy doody.'' Howard was so disgusted with that comment that he kicked Gary out for just for telling him the story.
Howard brought up Ellen Degeneres and how she's now saying that she doesn't want to be known as a gay comedian. He said if she doesn't want that then why did she come out of the closet? He also suggested that she put on a dress once in a while so she looks like a woman. Robin suggested that we just call her gay and forget that she's a comedian.
High Pitch Erik called in and said he tried some of those McGriddle sandwiches that Artie has been talking about. Erik said he had six of them this morning. Artie had trouble eating just two of the very heavy sandwiches and Erik is eating six. Gary came in and asked what Erik is doing for work these days but Howard didn't want to go down that road with him so he kicked him out of the studio again. He said they already know what Erik does for a living. He said he works at a car wash or something.
Howard brought up this ''Hope and Possibility'' 5 mile run that's taking place in Central Park this weekend. He said they have it to raise money for people who are disabled. He said he just wanted to mention that. He said there was a whole long story about how he got involved in mentioning it. He said his trainer Pat was approached by the people who put it together so he figured he'd help out and mention it. He said you can find out more at NYRRC.org.
Howard said Crazy Cabbie called him the other night to give him some inside info on who Renee Zellweger is dating. Howard said he'd already heard that she was dating the guy from the White Stripes. Cabbie told him he was wrong and it was actually Jack Black. Howard said after thinking about it he realized that Cabbie was confusing Jack Black with the guy from the White Stripes whose name is Jack White.
Howard read an article about how he's the most searched radio host name on the web according to the Lycos 50. Howard said that Tom Joyner is next in line after him. He discussed that for a short time before moving on to other stuff.
Howard received a letter from a guy who claims to have seen Pam Anderson and Kid Rock out not too long ago and saw Kid Rock walk away from her abruptly when she was giving him a hard time. The writer said that she seems to be very high maintenance and Kid Rock probably just couldn't deal with it. Howard said that's kind of what he was getting at while he was interviewing her yesterday. He said the e-mail sounded like it could be pretty true.
A woman called in and told Howard that she has a problem with Alopecia so she's lost a lot of her hair. Her body has fallen apart after having kids too. Howard said it's a real drag for a chick to lose her hair. She said she gets cortizone treatments where they give her about 50 shots in her head each month. She said the disease causes her body to reject the hair follicles so the cortizone is supposed to help with that. Howard told her that can't be good for her though. She said she used to be a real hottie but now she looks really bad. Howard told her to try Robin's diet drink with water and cayenne pepper. She said she has two kids and her body is a mess. She thinks she can get that back but the hair is another issue. Howard told her she probably has to just wear a wig. The woman was just calling in to make people aware of the condition she has. Howard was suspicious about it and found the explanation of why her hair was falling out. He said he was thinking it might be more of the Mind Body connection (''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain'' or ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection'') that Dr. Sarno talks about. He said she's probably just sick of being home with the kids or something. She said she works as well so he told her she's probably just worn out. After getting off the phone with that woman another woman called in to tell him about her condition. She has something where the capillary arteries in her body fail. Howard wondered if this was some kind of competition or something. He said they were getting off on the wrong foot this morning with all of these illnesses and stuff. He went to break right after that.
Howard said there's a guy out there who sends in gay song parodies about KC all the time. He played the latest one which was ''Shove a Gerbil In Me'' to the tune of Def Leppard's ''Pour Some Sugar On Me.'' It was actually funny and Howard was laughing. There was another one to the tune of ''Photograph'' called ''Gay Photographs.'' Howard said it wasn't as good as the first one but it was still pretty funny.
Howard said there were a few things in the paper he wanted to bring up. He read some reviews of the latest ''Charlie's Angels'' movie. One paper gave it two stars, one paper gave it 3. He said he really doesn't want the movie to do well. One reviewer read that the movie is like ''Maxim'' magazine come to life. It's all about the chicks. He said he knows when they come in on Monday morning that they'll be talking about how it'll be a $90 million opening for the movie.
Howard said in The Globe they reported on how Melissa Gilbert talked about how her boobs are real which she did on his show. They don't even credit him with the story though, they just say she mentioned it on ''a radio show.''
Howard read one story about a guy who claims that Kiefer Sutherland tried to kiss him one night. He was apparently drunk and the guy let him give him a kiss on the cheek for some reason. Howard said after reading that story, Kiefer looks gay to him.
Howard brought up how popular NASCAR has become in the gay community because a lot of guys find Jeff Gordon attractive. There were a few other stories that Howard brought up as well. One story said that Oprah Winfrey is at risk of getting Diabetes. He didn't believe that one for some reason.
Howard played a clip of Roger Daltrey talking about Pete Townshend and how pissed off he is about the way Pete has been treated over the kiddie porn viewing on his computer. Howard said he thinks it's a good thing that they investigated him. Howard said Roger Daltrey should shut his mouth over that stuff.
Howard brought up this guy Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo who was asked to do Letterman's show. He walked out during the middle of his own show to get down to Letterman's studio. Then he got bumped from Letterman's show. Howard thought that was pretty funny. Gary came in and told Howard some of the details about what happened. Howard said you don't just drop everything and run over to be Letterman's bitch every time he calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Howard will have his dog walking down the aisle with him when he eventually marries Beth. Howard said he doesn't think he's going to get married and he doesn't think he'd have his dog walking the aisle with him if he did. The guy also asked Robin if she would do a Playboy shoot if she was asked. She said if they paid her the right amount of money, she would do it. She said she'd ask for about $1.5 million though. She said she could hear Howard talking about how he doesn't want to see women like that in his magazine though. Howard said yesterday in his therapy session the fact that Robin is black came up. He said that he assumed that his shrink knew that she was black but it was actually a surprise to him. It turns out the guy doesn't know anything about the radio show.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that he would like to negotiate Robin's Playboy deal. He was able to get Jessica Hahn a million bucks years ago so he might be able to get Robin a deal. He also managed to get her a Mercedes Benz convertible with that deal. He said he could probably get her that $1.5 million deal. It might be a two issue deal though. Robin told him to go for it and try to get it. Howard had to take a break after that before bringing in Mr. T.
Howard brought Mr. T in after that crazy tape. He said Mr. T has lost a lot of weight and has gotten much thinner. Mr. T started talking non-stop as soon as he came in. He was giving thanks to his mother and Jesus Christ right off. He also thanked his doctors for helping him with his cancer. It's been 8 years since he was diagnosed with cancer and he's still alive. Howard decided to thank some people as well. He thanked Lonnie from Scores for all of the strippers and then thanked Angie Everhart for saying he was the best she ever had. Then there was Beth who helped cure his aching nuts the other night. Howard asked Robin if she had anyone to thank. She said she's not a very thankful person so she passed.
Howard moved on and asked Mr. T about his weight loss. He said he's on a work out regimen and has a special diet. He eats a rotisserie chicken every morning for breakfast. He goes to work out at the gym around 4 in the morning. He does his thing and then gets out of there. He told Howard about the stuff he does at the gym and about the food he eats. He has peanut butter and apple sauce during the day as well.
Howard said Mr. T is suing someone who used his image from the Rocky movie he was in. He says they took Rocky out of the scene and put in a wimpy guy in the scene to make it look like he was beating the crap out of Mr. T. He said they showed the guy kicking him as well and you can't do that in boxing. He was getting very uptight about the whole thing and said that they should have paid him for using his image. He said he wants to be paid for that commercial. He said he's just looking to get the same amount of money he gets paid for doing commercials plus a little more for pain and suffering. He said that Best Buy was the company that used the image in their commercial. He went off on them a little bit before Howard changed subjects.
Howard asked T where he's living these days and what he's up to. He said he's out in Sherman Oaks, California and he tries to keep negative people away from him out there. Howard said he really knows very little about his personal life. He never sees him with women or anything like that. Robin asked him if he has any women in his life and he said his mother is the woman in his life. He told Howard that he does have a girlfriend as well. Howard wasn't sure how he was able to keep stuff like that secret. He's never seen pictures of the woman and would love to see her. Robin said he didn't thank her earlier when he was thanking everyone else. He said she's a low-key type of person. Howard and T talked about that for a short time. He said that he goes out in public with his best friend and leaves her at home.
Howard took some phone calls for Mr. T. First up was Captain Janks who asked him if the T in Mr. T stands for ''Talks Too much.'' Mr. T started rambling even more after that question. Janks may have been right about that. Another guy called in and kissed Mr. T's ass as well as Howard, Robin, Fred and Artie's ass. Mr. T figured the guy was going to come out with something negative after that but the guy didn't have anything negative to say. Another guy said he thought he saw Mr. T's penis drop out of his shorts in ''Rocky 3'' but Mr. T was just laughing about that. One caller asked when Mr. T was going to be off the air so he could turn his radio back on. Mr. T didn't mind all of the goofy questions and just let them go off on him. High Pitch Erik called in and called him some names. The delay was hit for some reason. Erik was calling him a faggot but Mr. T basically said ''it takes one to know one'' so he would know. Howard hung up on Erik and moved on to some notes he had on him.
Howard read that Mr. T had a 4.0 grade point average at a college he went to. Then he was kicked out of the school because he was part of a riot. Howard also read that he's been sued by his sister and his brother as well as a former attorney. He said he's forgiven them for that stuff though and doesn't hold it against them. He said he can forgive people for stuff like that because he's not a hateful person. He's even helped them buy a house which surprised Howard. Mr. T said he won the lawsuit they brought against him so it wasn't a big deal. He said he'd hired one of his brother's to work for him and he had to let him go because things weren't working out. Then the brother tired to sue him over that. It wasn't for a lot of money but he had to fight it.
Howard took a call from a couple more people. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Mr. T how he's very popular over in England. The whole time she was talking Fred was playing the crow cawing sound effect in the background. She also told Howard how great the show was this week with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pamela Anderson and Mr. T. A short time later another caller asked Howard why he insists on having this guy on the show. Mr. T and the caller were talking all over each other arguing with one another.
Howard let Mr. T get in some plugs for his stuff. He has a ''Mr. T Wacky Wobbler'' (Funko.com)bobble head doll. He also has a voice box featuring his famous sayings. Howard and Robin didn't think it was even his real voice but he said it really is. He said he recorded it back in January. He also did some voice work for ''The Simpsons'' and that will air later this year. Howard read some of the info they had about Mr. T on the ''Mr. T In Your Pocket'' voice thing. He wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his girlfriend wants him to pee on her. He said he's never done anything like that and he's not sure he wants to. Howard told him to just go for it because he'll like it. She wants it and he should do it. Howard said he has done it several times and it's wild. He didn't say who he's done it to though. Artie had a question about what the guy was talking about and wondered if it made it on the air. Howard told him as long as it's not repetitive, it probably made it on the air. Howard told Artie it would have been best for the guy to say that the girl wanted to get a ''golden shower'' from him. Howard talked about how much he enjoyed peeing on this chick. He said you can do it in the shower or in the tub or something. He said you never do it on the face though, just on the body. Benjy asked if it was his idea or the chick's idea. He said it was the chick's idea and he went ahead and did it. Benjy also asked if he's ever been asked to do something that he didn't do. He said he has been asked to do anal that he refused to do. He said one time a woman grabbed him and made him give her anal... and it was some of the best sex he's ever had. He said he didn't have any lube or anything. Benjy asked if he's ever had a pregnancy fantasy where you think about getting a woman pregnant. Howard said he's never had that fantasy. He said he's got other fantasies about handcuffing and stuff like that. Artie asked Howard if he had sex with his wife into her pregnancy. He said he didn't want to talk about his wife on the air because it was well documented in the past.
Journalist Debbie Schlussel called in and said she saw ''Charlie's Angels'' movie and it was ridiculous. She said they don't use guns in the movie and kick everyone's ass with Karate moves. She also talked about how the original Angels were hot chicks and these chicks really aren't that hot. She said the movie is just more of the first movie and it was just bad. Debbie also had some other quick political stuff that she brought up before she got off the phone.
Howard played some more audio clips after Debbie's call. He had tape from the Black Entertainment Awards. He also had a bunch of other quick clips that he played. There's this tennis player who grunts like crazy when she hits the ball. Howard played that and said it's hot when a hot chick does that. He played a clip of Debbie Allen talking to a contestant on ''Fame'' and how age doesn't really matter in Hollywood. Howard said he can't even watch that show because it's so horrible though. There was also tape of Cher denying having some surgery done on her face. There was also a clip of Roger Daltry talking to Craig Kilborn about how he's been married for 36 years but it's really only been like 26 because he was cheating on his wife so much. After hearing the clip Robin said she wished he was in the studio because she had a lot of questions for him. Howard said Roger wanted to come in but they passed on him. They'll have to have him in next time he's in town.
Howard had tape of a phony phone call they made to Beetlejuice with the Mr. T In Your Pocket toy. They just played the Mr. T sayings and Beetle would respond to them like he was really talking to someone. He quickly played that and moved on to some e-mail.
Howard got some mail about Artie being funny on the show but the guy was calling him ''Arnie.'' Someone wrote in and told Howard to just bang Pamela Anderson already. There was another one who told Howard to stop bashing Tommy Lee. Howard didn't know what he was talking about though. He wasn't bashing Tommy at all.
Howard said they had a lot of feedback about the woman who told the story about crapping on the floor at work when she thought she was just going to fart.
Howard took a few phone calls and let some people ramble about nonsense. One guy was so boring that he just let him ramble while he spoke over him. Howard ended up goofing on the guy's monotone voice and how dull he was. Fred played a snore in the background as they goofed on him after hanging up on him. Howard said he should have him call Tom Chiusano so they can bore each other.
Another caller told Howard that his aching balls might be from rough sex. His explanation was so boring to Howard that he was ready to just walk off the show. He had to take a break though so he didn't go anywhere.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line to play his game. He was talking up Mike as being a good friend of his as he introduced him. That led to Mike talking about his best friend. Robin also told them about her best friend and Howard said he and Andy Dick are best friends. He said they talk just about every day on the phone but Robin wasn't believing his story. Howard said they spend about an hour a day on the phone. Artie said his best friend used to be cocaine, it's no Jack Daniels. Howard said his real best friend right now is his girlfriend Beth. He said he doesn't see Ralph all that much anymore so he's not his best friend. He said he's a good friend, just not his best. Howard started thinking about it a little more after Robin told him if he stops having sex with Beth, she's not going to be his best friend anymore. Gary asked him who it used to be before Beth came around. Howard said Ralph was the one he confided in and would talk to before. They had to tell Howard that he's probably still his best friend, he just doesn't realize it. Fred said his best friend is probably Frank Fallon who is in his band King Norris. Fred said he wasn't really sure where Frank is working these days though so Howard thought that was kind of funny.
Ralph called in and Howard said they actually went to Central Park and sat on the lawn together to check out the chicks walking by. Ralph said that Howard did leave him when Beth came around. He said he'll be back if Beth ever dumps him. He said when his wife dumped him he and Ralph had a lot of fun together. They spent a couple of minutes talking about friends before getting to Mike's game.
After the friend discussion Howard moved on to the Gossip Game with Mike. Here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard moved on to the news after the game but Henry Hill called in shortly after that. He was rambling about some nonsense that Howard didn't understand so he figured he's back to drinking. Henry said that he was drinking some Coors this morning. He wasn't sure how many he had though. He said he was amazed that he was that blasted so early in the morning. He figures that if you killed as many people as Henry did, you'd have to be drunk. Howard got him off the phone pretty quick since he was making so little sense.