Howard said he had the chance to get into the Jets game but he would have been sitting on the Colts' side. He decided not to go because he'd rather watch the game on a big screen TV and stay warm. Gary ended up telling another story about his Father getting drunk at a game one time and almost getting into a fight. KC ended up saying that it's probably safe to say that someone who brings a flask to a game has a drinking problem. They all agreed that's probably true. Howard said he's almost to that point himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who saw him out at some place called Dos Caminos. The guy said Howard was there with his girlfriend and some other hot chick. Howard said the other chick was this guy Mark Cronin's girlfriend. Mark worked with Howard many years ago and he's now got his own show coming out soon on the WB network. He said he's got all kinds of has-been celebrities doing all kinds of weird stuff on the show. Howard said Mark is going to come in to explain the show sometime soon. Howard said Beth's two brothers were also there at the restaurant.
Howard talked about another dinner he went out to earlier in the vacation with Ralph and some other people. He said Robin was invited at the last minute but she couldn't make it. Howard said Ralph wanted to go to some place but didn't make reservations and couldn't get in at the last minute. Ralph ended up asking Howard about where they should go so Howard recommended Mercer Kitchen. Then he wasn't sure if they should go there because they don't have round tables and he doesn't like not having round tables. Howard went on to explain how Ralph couldn't decide on who to invite and then he ended up hitching a ride with Howard. He said Ralph got upset when he had to move to the end of the table because there weren't two seats so he and Beth could sit together. Then after dinner no one was going to pay the bill so Howard ended up paying it as he usually does. He said he was a guest but he ended up paying for it. Stuttering John said he did ''the reach'' for the bill but Howard ended up taking it and paying for everyone. Howard said Ralph tried to pay for dinner one time but his credit card ended up bouncing so he didn't actually pay for it.
As Howard was going to break he played a promo for the reunion show he's going to do with Cabbie and his birth mother today. They're calling it ''A very special Howard Stern Show.'' Howard said they're going to bring Cabbie in first and then bring in his mother so he can meet her. She was already in the building according to Howard.
The guy who called in earlier thanked Howard for a prize he won from the show not too long ago. He said he actually got the big screen TV that he won so Howard was surprised that he didn't have to call 7 On Your Side like some other people had to do last year when they didn't get their prizes. He spent a minute talking about that and then took a commercial break.
After the break Howard played some more Cabbie Reunion promos. Howard said he always wanted to have ''A Very Special'' something on his show and this is it. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes practicing how they were going to handle the very special event. Howard took a call from a guy who thought this whole Cabbie reunion thing is very nice for Howard to do. Howard said Cabbie's mother claims to have seen her son somewhere in the building and thinks that he's much cuter than she expected. Howard said he thinks she must have seen Cabbie's partner Cane and that's who she thinks is her son.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about what Artie did during vacation. He took his girlfriend Dana up to Vermont and went snowmobiling. Howard thought he'd gone skiing. Artie said he went skiing one time and it didn't go very well. Gary came in and talked about what a nightmare it is to go skiing with his family. He told Howard about what a nightmare it is to organize all of that. After hearing the story Howard asked where the joy is in that. Gary said he got about 85 minutes of skiing out of the day. Gary said his son Jackson ended up getting hurt and had to be taken out on a sled.
Gary went skiing with this guy Bucky from the station and said he was amazed that he was as good at it as he was. Gary ended up goofing on Bucky a little bit about what he was wearing while he was skiing.
Howard said he'd rather go sit on a beach somewhere during vacation instead of doing something that takes a lot of effort. He ended up talking about his new dog Bianca who went into heat shortly after he got her. Howard said that's something you don't want to go through. He explained what happened when Bianca had her period. He said the dog was bleeding so much they had to put a maxi-pad on her. Howard said she must have stressed out when they moved her from her previous home to his. Howard said the dog was a mess for a while and he had planned to go to the Caribbean for vacation. He ended up canceling that vacation and stayed home with Beth and Bianca. He said he had to take Bianca to a doctor out on Staten Island to get her itchy butt taken care of. Howard said Dominic Barbera was calling him every minute from Puerto Rico telling him how warm it was down there. Howard said he can't stand Dominic and he's never going to go to dinner with him again.
Howard said the dog goes through her heat for 3 weeks and it's a lot of work. He said Beth loves the dog and helps take care of her. Howard said it's a lot of work but he loves the dog. He said he's been wondering what he's done to himself now that he has this dog. He said he's always bugging Gary about how he has the wife and kids and can't go out whenever he wants, and now he's almost in the same situation.
Stuttering John brought up some story about a woman who was killed while riding a snowmobile. She had a microwave on the handlebars but that was about all John knew about the story.
Perry had to catch a flight so Howard let him go. He spent a couple more minutes talking to KC about his loss. KC thanked this guy Keith from ShoreSports.com who helped him make the picks each week. Howard then moved on and played yet another promo for the Cabbie reunion. He said he's probably going to drag that out through the show a little more before they actually get to it. He spent a minute talking to Robin about her no party edict and asked her if she broke that during vacation. Robin said she didn't break it during vacation and hasn't decided when she's going to end it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who seems to think the relationship he has with Beth has to be made up. He goofed on Howard for a few seconds before his cell phone cut out.
Howard and Stuttering John ended up talking about Howard getting drunk and stumbling around at John's house. Howard said there was stuff on John's floor and that's why he was stumbling around. He said he did get drunk but the reason he was stumbling was the stuff he was tripping over. The guys ended up talking about drinking for a few more minutes before Howard took a call from Shuli who had a question for Howard. He made it in the form of a game though. He asked Howard how many time he and Beth banged during vacation and wondered if it was over or under 8 times. Howard said it was probably over 8 times but they were interrupted a lot by the dog who likes to watch them and whines when she sees them doing it. Howard said they had to lock the dog out of the room because he was so freaked out by it. Howard said they let the dog stay out of her crate now but they have to keep her out of the room when they're having sex.
Shuli did a couple other over/under questions for Stuttering John and Gary before Howard had to take another break. Gary ended up talking about how he kept getting up around 6:30 in the morning every day he was on vacation. Artie said he was up at 6:30 also... but he'd eat dinner and go out after that.
The guys heard that Cabbie called in from the room he was being held in before meeting his mother and asked for them to remove the intern they had in there because he needed to be alone for a while. Howard seems to think Cabbie is milking this whole thing a bit though. Cabbie is also apparently demanding that John not be in the room at the same time he's there because he doesn't want to be goofed on. Howard said he's willing to do anything to make this whole thing happen. Gary is also afraid that he's going to get emotional and start crying or something during the reunion. Howard said he was ready to do the reunion so he took another break before getting to it.
Howard had Cabbie and his girlfriend Tara come in first. Cabbie asked to have Tara in with him during this very emotional time. Howard said Tara is a very beautiful woman. Howard sounded like he was ready to interview her instead of Cabbie's mother. He didn't go in that direction though. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Cabbie about his relationship with Tara and all of the tatoos they have. Howard asked Tara how the sex is with Cabbie and she said it was good. Howard wanted to concentrate on Cabbie for a while though so he got back to him. Cabbie told Howard about some of the stuff he's done in his life that he regrets and said that he's been a very mean, angry person. He said that he was a drug addict and that's the way he treated people. He said he's done everything on his own in his life and went on and on about how happy he is now. The guys told Cabbie he was going to find out a lot about this family he doesn't know.
Howard asked Cabbie if he was ready to meet his mother. Cabbie started to break down and thanked Howard for making this happen. Within seconds he was fine and talked about Tara who he says he's going to spend the rest of his life with. Howard joked and told Tara to blink twice if she was being held hostage by Cabbie.
Gary left the room to get cabbie's mother. Howard said her name is Audrey. When she came in they hugged and kissed. Howard said it was very beautiful. Robin said she was getting a little upset when she saw them hugging. Howard said Audrey and Cabbie's profiles were identical. Howard said their noses are very similar. Cabbie sounded very mellow and happy as he looked at his mother's eyes. Howard wanted to move it along a little bit so he moved on to talk to Audrey. He said she was a little suspicious of them when she got the call from Gary. She told Howard when she got the first call from Gary he knew too much. She was a little afraid to come on the show at first. Howard read some of the notes about Audrey's life and how she got pregnant by this guy she wasn't married to. She said the guy was married and she's since lost track of him. She'd had an affair with this guy and got pregnant. She said she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of him because she was going through a divorce at the time so she decided it would be best to give him up for adoption. She said when she gave him up she spoke to him and told him he was going to go to a good home. She didn't name him though. She said they did give him a name at the hospital. That name was Timothy John. Audrey went on to talk about how she met another man who she married and had two more kids with. That guy also has two kids of his own so Cabbie has a bunch of brother's and a sister.
Audrey talked about Cabbie's two brothers and his sister. She wasn't quite sure what her one son in Florida is doing but thinks that he's in plumbing or something. Her daughter works at a hospital in food services. She said they're thrilled to know that they have a brother. Howard said Audrey was holding Cabbie's hand during this whole thing and he thought that was sweet. Cabbie said he'll probably call Audrey ''mom'' if that's okay with her. She said that was great. He also said he might think about changing his last name to hers. He wasn't sure about that though. Cabbie said he was really happy to finally meet his mother and it was great to have her in his life. Audrey said she was also thrilled to see him. She said she's had a hole in her life ever since the adoption and it's finally been filled.
Cabbie wondered how different his life would have been if Audrey had raised him. Howard said he'd probably be a plumber somewhere and he probably wouldn't have all of those tattoos all over himself.
Howard wrapped up the segment and Gary gave a plug to TravelWorm.com for hooking up Audrey and her husband with the trip to New York. He also said they're all going out to lunch together and they'll be treated to that meal. Cabbie thanked Howard and the guys for helping him out with all of this. Howard told him he's happy all of this has worked out. Robin said it's one of the better adoption reunion stories she's heard. She talked about some of the wacky things that happen to some adopted kids and their birth parents. Cabbie thanked a few other people who were very supportive during this whole thing. He also thanked Howard again for everything. Howard said goodbye to Audrey, Tara and Cabbie and finally took another commercial break.
After the break Howard said he wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse to have hooked Audrey up with Cabbie. He said when they went to break Cabbie ended up getting right into how bad his life was. Howard said Audrey wondered if Cabbie had any baby pictures of himself. Cabbie ended up going right into how he had to leave home when he was 13 because he was abused and was wetting his bed. Then he told her how he was in a boys home and he stopped wetting his bed and stuff like that. Howard said he's probably going to be bringing that stuff up all the time with her. Howard and the guys also noticed that Cabbie wasn't making eye contact with her and would pull his hand away from Audrey's when she'd hold it. He'd pull his hand from hers to hold his girlfriend's instead.
Howard got back to talking about everyone's vacation. Robin talked about her trip to London and how she saw a bunch of bad actors doing theater over there. She said she saw Gillian Anderson from ''The X-Files'', Tom Hanks' son Colin and a couple of others who she said were pretty bad.
Gary spent a few more minutes talking about his ski trip. He talked about some guys who were on the ski lift with him who didn't quite know it was actually Gary from the Howard Stern Show. He said the guys told him he looked sort of like Gary from the Howard Stern show... but his lips are bigger. Gary said he's had other people do the same thing to him in the past. He said a woman came up to him one time and told him he looked like Gary and then put her hand on his shoulder and told him she hoped she didn't insult him by saying he looked like Gary. Gary also said that people do recognize him and say stuff like ''Fa Fa Fo He'' as they walk by when he's got his son with him. He said he doesn't bother explaining it to his son, he just keeps dragging him along when he turns around to look at the guy who just yelled it out.
Howard asked Fred what he did over vacation and regretted it a minute later. Fred said he just spent time getting to know his new baby daughter. Howard then said he tried calling Fred during vacation and he got his wife Alison. Alison told Howard that Fred was at the dump getting rid of their garbage. Howard couldn't believe that. Fred doesn't have garbage collection at his house out on Long Island so he has to put their garbage in his car and drop it at the dump. A few minutes later Stuttering John came in and laughed hysterically at Fred because of that. Fred told Howard that he does stuff like that all the time. He said he's not at the same level as Howard so he has to go to the grocery store and bring his garbage to the dump. Howard said he goes to the grocery store also though.
After that break Howard mentioned that actor Ashton Kutcher from ''That 70's Show'' will be on the show tomorrow. He and the other guys also spent a little time talking about movies they saw over the holiday vacation. Howard saw ''Antwan Fisher'' and said it was great. He said he's never really been a fan of Denzel Washinton's but he did a great job with the film. Howard said he also just saw the Robin Williams movie ''One Hour Photo'' and really liked that one too. Artie said he saw ''Gangs of New York'' and it was okay but he didn't love it. He said he got kind of bored during the movie. He said he was a bit disappointed with the movie. Howard said he got a call from his guy Jeff Schick at IBM who does some work for Martin Scorsese and he was going to do a screening for them but Howard couldn't make it.
Howard spent some time talking about the issue of Entertainment Weekly that has ''The Year That Was'' section in it. He read through a bunch of the stuff they mention in there. After that Howard and Robin were going through some other stuff that was in some articles and in the news. Howard brought up an article that someone wrote about him recently also. He said the guy said some good stuff about him in the article about how he's influenced the radio industry and even reality TV. Howard said that part was okay but then the guy says that Howard should keep off TV because everything he touches fails. Howard said the guy claimed that his E! show doesn't do that well and ''Son of the Beach'' was canceled as well as a few other things. Howard defended all of those things and said that his show on E! is the number one show and he got 3 seasons out of ''Son of the Beach'' which was canceled because FX decided to change directions as far as their programming goes. Howard said he got an e-mail from Tim Stack who wrote a letter to the guy about the ''Son of the Beach'' thing. Howard asked Tim not to fight his battles though. Howard went on to brag that he's generated a lot of money in the business and thinks that he's probably brought in more money for the companies he's worked for than Steven Spielberg has.
Howard said the guys from his affiliate station in Phoenix, Arizona, where he just got great ratings, sent him a phony little award for his accomplishment. He said they were the cheapest things he's ever seen but it was a nice gesture. Howard took a quick call from Double A who told him he should get rid of his dog because it's been interfering with his sex life. Howard took a couple more calls and killed some time on some other stuff. Then he told Robin that Joey Boots had sent them a porn video where this guy uses his foot to have sex with a woman in her ass. Howard had the guys put the video up on the screen so Robin could check it out. She was amazed by it. Howard said the name of the movie is ''Priests Gone Wild.''
After the break Robin asked Howard if he had any news about Cabbie's big reunion with his birth mother. Howard said he got a call from Cabbie yesterday on his answering machine and he tried calling him back at the numbers he left him and they were wrong. Some other guys answered the phones where he called. Howard said he wasn't able to talk to him. Gary said he saw Cabbie after he and his mother had gone out to lunch and they were having a good day at the time. Gary also said that Cabbie's mother was very happy that they had been reunited. Howard said he had an e-mail from Cabbie but he wasn't able to get into his e-mail program. He eventually got in and pulled up Cabbie's e-mail. Cabbie wrote that his mother is cool and he now has a family. Cabbie also congratulated Howard on his New York City ratings but Howard said they weren't number one. They lost out by a tenth of a point to a local news station. Howard said Cabbie also plugged the Cane show that he works on from 2-6 in the afternoon on WXRK.
Howard took some phone calls and ended up talking about Cabbie even more. Howard mentioned that he learned some stuff about Cabbie that he didn't know before.
Howard mentioned that Jimmy Kimmel will be on the show soon and they're also doing a dial-a-date with model Nikki Ziering. Howard said Ian Ziering isn't eligible for the game. Howard said Nikki has been in Playboy and was one of the models on The Price Is Right. He said she's got one of the most perfect bodies he's ever seen on a chick. Robin asked Howard when they're going to do the Judith Regan dial-a-date. Howard said they're setting that up and it should happen sometime soon.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who brought up the Cabbie reunion. That led to them talking about how Cabbie wants people to know about how horrible his life has been and that's why he tattoos everything that happens in his life on his body. Howard wondered how Cabbie is going to commemorate yesterday on his body with tattoos. He wondered if he's just going to put 1-6-03 on his body or maybe January 6, 2003.
Howard saw an e-mail he got from a friend who donated money in his name to some charity. He said he hates that because now he's getting e-mail from people he doesn't want. He read one of the letters he got from the charity and said that he'd rather have people send him money.
Howard said he spent the $200 gift certificate that Artie gave him for Barney's. He bought a new purse, or fag bag, that he showed everyone. Howard said he has a book that he keeps all of his appointments in. He said he doesn't like electronic hand-held organizers so he's sticking with the paper book. He told Robin about how well it works for him. Stuttering John came in and said he took Howard's advice and got himself a purse but he doesn't know how to carry it without looking gay. Howard told him he needs a knapsack instead and he should get rid of the thing he had. Howard said the bag he bought was like $400 so Artie's gift didn't quite cover it. Howard said he has to carry his date book with him all the time because he never knows when someone is going to ask him when he's available. John asked him if he ever feels like a fag carrying around the bag. Howard said he does feel gay but at least he's organized. He said he's always on the move and needs to have his stuff with him.
Howard told Robin and the guys what he keeps in his bag and where he keeps it. He said he keeps stuff like keys, money and mace in a very accessible spot. He has hand cleaner, glasses and lotion in another compartment. He puts his organizer and a pen in another spot. He went on to tell John about what he could get instead of the bag he had. Howard checked out what was in John's bag so he could help organize him. He went through his stuff and told him what he should and shouldn't have in there. He had gloves in the bag so Howard told him to put gloves in his coat. He had some various papers in there and a heavy book that he didn't need. He also left the bag of crap they put in there to absorb moisture before you buy the product. Howard also found a piece of paper from Lobster Gram. Then he found two dollars in there. Howard finished up with John's bag just in time to talk to Big Black.
Howard asked Big Black if he's gotten into any fights while he's been there. He said a lot of the guys don't like him all that much but he didn't have any fight stories. He told Howard that he's able to lock up his stuff in a locker when he does leave the shelter.
Howard told Big Black he feels sorry for him but he is fully capable of getting a good job. He told him that he's got all the right things going for him and companies are actually looking for people like him.
Howard got off the phone with Big Black and talked about how they gave him a lot of money in contests and stuff like that. He actually won $10,000 not all that long ago.
Howard mentioned that Ashton Kutcher was coming in later in the show and there were a few hot chicks waiting for him outside the station early this morning. Howard had to take another break after that short discussion.
After the break Howard played a promo for tomorrow's show. They're going to finally have ''Lord of the Anal Ring Toss'' on tomorrow. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Ashton Kutcher and how he's banging Brittany Murphy. Howard said she was the fat chick in the movie ''Clueless'' but she's dieted down and she's really skinny now. The guys joked about how big her head has gotten since she dieted. Gary came in while Howard was talking about it because it was too uncomfortable to be in the green room with Ashton while Howard was talking about his girlfriend.
Howard read through some of the stuff Gabe says you need when you go out to pick up chicks. He said you need a friend to come along with you to throw in some good words about you. He also said that any straight man shouldn't dance because you always end up looking stupid. Howard said Gabe also says you should create a demand for yourself and have your friend tell the girls that women like you. Gabe also suggests avoiding alcohol that has fruit juice in it because it gives you bad breath. Gabe says that a good place to pick up chicks is at charity events and weddings. Howard went through a few other things with Howard like how you can call a woman back whenever you want. You don't have to wait a certain amount of time if the woman actually likes you. He said pick-up lines never work so he doesn't suggest using them.
Howard started to wrap up the segment but Gabe wanted to put one of the chicks on the line with him. Howard let him do that but the girl didn't bang Gabe. She was just there for the E! camera. She told Howard that there were a couple of women there who were willing to get naked so Howard told her to go ahead and let them do it. He said he'd show it on E!. Howard gave Gabe a plug for his web site too as he wrapped up the call. You can check it out at PickingUpGirls.com
Howard got back to the Brittany Murphy thing and how she used to be fat. Howard said she's almost anorexic now and her head is too big for her body. Ashton said she can eat a lot and doesn't gain any weight. The guys said that maybe she's bulemic or something. He said she's not and she's just lucky like that. Ashton said she's always going at a hundred miles per hour and works it all off.
Howard asked Ashton if Eminem still calls Brittany. He told Howard that he wouldn't allow it if it was happening. He said he doesn't really worry about it and doesn't keep track of it. He said he doesn't want to say anything bad about Eminem either because he'd probably end up writing a song about him if he did.
Stuttering John came in and said he heard that Ashton was discovered in a bar in Ohio. Ashton said he won a contest out there and was discovered by a woman who flew him out to New York. He became a model overnight and his first audition was for ''That 70's Show'' and got the job. He said he didn't take a lot of acting classes. He just did a little bit of acting in high school.
Howard asked Ashton if Brittany likes anal sex but he kind of stumbled and said he doesn't know. Howard said he's a little young to be trying that anyway. He moved on to ask Ashton about some of the other chicks he's dated. He brought up Tara Reid and spent a short time talking to him about her.
Howard said he read that Ashton watched as Brittany and another chick made out in a bar one time. Ashton said that wasn't true though. He's never done that with Brittany but he has watched other chicks make out in bars.
Howard brought up some other celebrities that Ashton is rumored to have dated. Some of the names he mentioned were wrong according to Ashton though. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about what it's like to date actresses. He moved on to talk about this movie ''Just Married'' that Ashton was in to promote. Ashton gave a quick run down of what the movie is all about. Howard asked him if it's actually funny and Ashton said it's good. He promised Howard that he'd laugh out loud at least 5 times during the movie.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy claimed that Brittany Murphy was in the bathroom puking at a restaurant one time. Another guy said that Brittany was probably getting banged by Eminem while Ashton was on the show. Ashton said she's really one of the nicest chicks he's ever met. He also thanked Howard for a comment he made about him on the show yesterday. Howard said something about him having a big penis. It turns out Stuttering John was on the set of ''Dude, Where's My Car?'' and saw Ashton arguing with the director about whether or not he should be wearing tighty-whities or boxer shorts for a scene they were shooting. John said the director wanted him to wear boxers but Ashton thought it would be funnier to wear the briefs. He was wearing two pair of briefs but they could still see the outline of his schlong.
A caller asked Ashton whether or not Brittany shaves completely or not. He wouldn't give an answer though. Howard took a few more phone calls and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard didn't see ''Joe Millionaire'' last night but heard a lot about it. He and the guys talked about the show for a short time. KC and Stuttering John saw the show and told Howard about how ugly the chicks were in the show. KC said he'll have a whole write up for tomorrow. Howard said he'll watch it today and give his thoughts on the show also.
While they were talking about ''Joe Millionaire'' Crazy Cabbie called in. He wanted to talk about the show too. He had a theory that the guy on the show really isn't just a $20,000 a year carpenter. He said he thinks that the guy might really be rich and they're pulling a scam on the viewing audience. He got all that from the guy's last name which was Marriott.
Howard asked Cabbie how things went with his birth mother yesterday after the show. Cabbie said he had a great time and things went very well. He's going to see hear again today before she flies back home to Minnesota. Then Howard brought up what Cabbie did after meeting his mother yesterday. He said that Cabbie just had to bring up how horrible his life was growing up as a kid being abused and wetting his bed. Cabbie says he didn't do that to guilt-trip his mother though. He said he's just does stuff for shock value and that's what that was all about. Howard and Robin seem to think that he did it because deep down inside, he's really angry at his mother for giving him up. Cabbie argued that what they were saying wasn't true and they shouldn't be telling him how he feels about his mother. Howard wouldn't give up on his theory though. He kept on telling Cabbie what he thought was going to happen with his relationship in the future. He said he thinks Cabbie will eventually drive her away with his anger. Cabbie got upset that Howard was saying he was angry with her when he really isn't. Howard spent a few minutes going back and forth with Cabbie. He also took a phone call from a woman who also met her birth mother. She said she had a lot of hate toward her after meeting her so she thinks that Cabbie might have the same feelings. Howard eventually wrapped up the call. Cabbie congratulated Howard on his New York City ratings and thanked everyone for supporting him through this whole meeting with his mother.
After taking another break Howard came back and said he and Stuttering John were talking about some sex stuff and masturbation. Howard said Gary told him a story about meeting some guy who had software set up on his computer to recognize his voice and he was able to tell chicks what to do through some porn site. That led to the guys talking about some of the strange things they've masturbated with. Howard brought up the penis pump Masturbation Machine they used years ago. Fred played the sound clip of the pumping machine in the background as Howard talked about how he actually used it. He later said it was the greatest sensation he ever had down there. They also brought up the Real Doll. Howard, Fred and Ronnie the Limo Driver all had sex with that silicone beauty. Howard used her mouth and was able to finish himself off with it. Fred tried to have sex with the doll but got cramps and couldn't complete it with the doll so he used his hand. Ronnie came in and talked about his experience with the doll also. He said he just bent her over the sink and banged away. All of that talk eventually led to the guys talking about other experiences. Howard wondered if any of the guys would ever ''go south'' on a chick who had just been with a friend of theirs. Some of the guys said they'd do that but most wouldn't.
Gary said he had a confession to make about using a Jenna Jameson silicone torso one time when they were out in L.A. for the ''Private Parts'' premiere. He said Jenna had given him a whole kit of stuff and he didn't think he was a ''disgusting pervert'' and he'd never use it. Then he got horny and had to try it out. He told Howard that if it wasn't a Jenna Jameson fake torso, he probably wouldn't have done it.
The guys mentioned a few other things that they've heard about like one guy they knew who used a central vacuum cleaner to get off. Robin told the guys about a story she read about some guy who used to have sex with the tail pipe of his car.
Howard ended up talking about sport utility vehicles for some reason. He said he's thinking of getting one because he's got the dog now and the kids come over to visit. Stuttering John said he's got a Toyota Sequoia and that works out great for him. He said the thing is huge though. Everyone was throwing in ideas for other SUVs he could get too. Some of the suggestions were Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator, Dodge Durango, Chevy Tahoe and a few other huge vehicles.
The guys finally asked Robin what unusual things she's used to masturbate with. She said she's never gotten any weirder than a cucumber. That led to Howard asking Robin if she's ever lost anything in there. She said that's never happened to her but she's heard about it happening to other women. Artie said he's lost a condom in there before and he had to take his girlfriend at the time to Planned Parenthood to get it out.
Jim Florentine (JimFlorentine.com) called in and said when he was a kid he had a friend who had an in ground pool that had a suction filter at the bottom of it that he stuck his package in. Howard told him that's really dangerous to do but Jim said his penis was so small at the time he wasn't worried about it getting stuck. Howard had to take another break after all of that. Robin did her news when they came back.
After the break they came back to a bumper that David Spade did. That led to Howard talking about David and how he talks to him once in a while. He said that David tells him he has a home in Hawaii now that he's doing well with ''Just Shoot Me.''
Howard said he finally got to watch ''Joe Millionaire'' so he spent some time talking about that. He said the millionaire is good looking but he does seem kind of dumb. Howard said that guy could be banging any chicks he wants because he's so good looking. He said 20 year old women don't care that much about women and he could be banging any of them no matter how much money they make. Howard also talked about how the chicks really aren't all that hot on the show. He said the guy is carrying on like all the women are hot but they're really not. Howard said the rumors are that the viewing audience is going to be surprised at the end and the guy is going to turn out to really be rich or gay. Howard and the guys spent a little while discussing some of the stuff that happened on that episode of ''Joe Millionaire.'' Howard goofed on some of the wacky women who were trying to get this guy. Even Robin was getting in on the ugly women bashing. She even thought the women they had on the show weren't all that hot. Howard said they could probably just skip right to the end of the season because the rest of the show will be predictable. Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy thought it was lame that they're doing this to the women. Howard said anyone who tries to get a husband through a TV show deserves it.
A phone caller asked Howard when they're going to do the Nikki Ziering dial-a-date. Howard said they're in the planning stages and it'll happen sometime soon. He didn't have a specific date though. He said he thinks that if a listener works hard enough he might be able to get laid. He also said that the guys might have to chop off a limb or something to get a date with her.
Howard brought up an article he read about ''Jackass'' star Steve O who made an insensitive comment about some kid who died trying to imitate a stunt that he saw on ''Jackass.'' He spent a minute talking about that before taking more phone calls.
One guy called in and had a few comments about ''Joe Millionaire'' but then he wanted to plug his band's web site. Howard let him give the plug and then said he recently got a CD from Roland Kickinger who played Chip Rommel on ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said he's not sure if he's serious about his music or if it's a goof. The band is called The Floaters (TheFloaters.com). Howard played one of the tracks and Robin just said ''Oh no...'' while Artie laughed in the background. The guys said that it sounded like his voice was sped up or something. The band wasn't bad but Roland's singing wasn't all that great. Howard said Roland sent him a nice note recently and had some nice words for him. He goofed on his music a little bit and then went on to goof on Leila Arcieri and how she's gone on to be an astronaut since ''Son of the Beach.'' He was kidding of course.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who had a question about his girlfriend's calendar. He wondered if Beth knew that the picture in the month of September shows a little nipple. Howard said she approved all of the pictures so she must have known it. Chaunce said he was just surprised to see that in the calendar. Howard said he's not surprised by that but he is surprised by Chaunce's bad hair plugs. Chaunce said he's fixed them though. Howard said he wants him to come in so they can check them out. Chaunce asked if they can just drop the whole thing if the plugs look okay when they see them. Howard said they'll be the first ones to tell him if they look good or not. The guys went on to goof on Chaunce's bad back tattoo. The quote he has on his back was shortened because it was so painful for him. It reads something like ''What fails to kill me serves to make me stronger.'' Howard goofed on him about that and said the whole idea of the quote and how his pain is supposed to make him stronger, means nothing because the pain of the tattoo made him shorten the quote. Howard told Chaunce he couldn't take the call anymore and hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the show to watch this week is ''The Bachelorette'' instead of ''Joe Millionaire.'' Howard spent a few minutes on that subject saying that anyone who goes on TV to get a date is lame. He does like watching those shows though. He said there are too many of these reality shows on for him to watch.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said he recently ran into a ''very pregnant Amy Lynn Baxter.'' Melrose said he was down in South Beach holding up his signs when she came up to him and asked him if he was still doing that. He didn't recognize her when she came up to him though. Melrose said he also met Amy's husband. Howard changed subjects and said that Melrose was kicked off a Cheap Trick gig recently. He was supposed to open up the show for them but they kicked him off at the last minute. Melrose had some excuse for the whole thing and how it was one guy who got him thrown off.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was letting his younger brother bang his girlfriend. Howard tried to talk to the guy but he was mumbling and not making any sense. Then he got the woman on the phone as Howard was about to hang up on him and it turned out they weren't really brothers. The woman said they just grew up together and were really good friends. Howard said he had to take a break after that because it just didn't make any sense. He stopped short of taking a break when he brought up an article by David Hinckley about Don Imus. Howard said Hinckley must be in love with Imus because he finds positive stuff to say about him even though he's 14th in the New York City ratings. Howard talked about that for a minute and then took a break.
Howard talked about some other stuff that's going to be on TV tonight. One of the shows had something about some guy who had video tape of a 14 year old having sex or something like that. Howard said he once had a guy bring a tape to him that was apparently the guy banging one of his interns. Howard said he told the guy to get lost and never watched the tape because he wasn't even sure if it was real or not.
Howard mentioned the Grammy nominations and how Bruce Springsteen was nominated for his album. He said he just doesn't get his music though. He said if he hears it playing in the gym it's okay but he's not a fan. Howard played a quick clip of a Springsteen song and talked about some other bad music. Gary was in the studio while they were talking about this stuff and Howard said his lips and teeth looked bigger than usual for some reason. He goofed on him for a few seconds and then complained about the heat in there. Gary said that Scott the Engineer has been out for a few days and he's the only one who seems to know how to use the air conditioning in there.
Howard went on to play some of the other Grammy nominees like Eminem and Avril Lavigne. They talked about them for a couple of minutes. Howard changed subjects when he brought up a story about some guy who hung himself in an airplane bathroom. He and the guys ended up talking about other bathroom habits. Howard said he's afraid to go to the bathroom in an airplane because Robin read a story to him a while back about some guy who lost his penis in a train's toilet because the suction pulled him in or something like that. Howard and Gary shared stories about having trouble peeing and dribbling in their underwear. Howard said sometimes he dribbles in his underwear before bed and sometimes Beth notices it. Howard said he'll tell her that he just splashed water on himself or something. Gary brought up how he sees guys doing a lot of movement with their penis' when they're taking a leak in a public bathroom. They also talked about how people used to pee on the ramp going into the Mets stadium and there would be a river of piss running down. Howard said he always waits for a stall to be available because he doesn't want anyone looking at his ''nubbin'' of a penis.
Howard brought up Scott the Engineer again and said that this year was the first time he bought people Christmas gifts. He even got something for Beth. Howard said he brought it home and when she opened the gift, which was a scarf, stunk of cigarette smoke. Howard said he wrote a note to KC so he could remind him to talk about it. KC came in and said he got a sweater from Scott and when he opened it the whole apartment stunk like smoke. Gary also had a story to tell. Gary said he got a Mikasa glass bowl from Scott and there was tissue paper in there. He said when he opened the box his wife thought that he'd just smoked a cigarette himself. It turned out it was the tissue paper in the box that stunk. Howard said he got the same thing from Scott but he wasn't sure what the bowl was supposed to be used for. Gary told him it was like a candy dish or something. Robin said it might be an ashtray and Scott might want to be invited over to his home. Scott called in a minute later and said he never touched the gifts, his wife bought them and wrapped them. KC told Scott the sweater he got was really nice but asked him if he left it in an OTB for three weeks or something. Scott said they have one room that they smoke in and the gifts never made it in that room so he doesn't know how they got the stink. Robin talked about driving Scott's smokemobile on September 11th when she didn't have someone to drive her home. She said there were ashes all over the inside of that car. She said the car smells so bad that even Car Cash wouldn't buy it from him. Scott told Howard that the bowl he got for him can be used for whatever he wants. It's doesn't have a specific purpose. KC, Gary and Howard were still amazed at the strength of the smell that came from those gifts.
Howard got back to the Grammy nominees and played some Dixie Chicks song. Howard also played some of the celebrities who announced the nominees. Avril Lavigne pronounced David Bowie's name ''bawee'' so Howard spent a minute talking about a guy he used to work with who also pronounced it that way. Howard said the guy told him that's the way they pronounce it over in England. Crazy Cabbie called in and pronounced Avril's name wrong and said he's going to tackle her when he sees her at the Grammys when he and Cane are broadcasting from there. Cabbie also talked about his new mother for a few seconds before Howard cut him off and took a break.
Howard asked Ally how she was going to go about this. She said she gets on all fours and sticks the stick in her ass. Then the guys toss their rings. Howard said they'll give her lots of plugs for doing this. Gary had said they'd give her a plug each time they got a ring on the stick but Howard gave her one right away. You can check her out at ChesterMolestHer.com.
Howard described Ally getting stripped down and said she was completely shaved down. She's 5'9'' tall and weighs 125 pounds. Howard said that's what women that tall should weigh. As Ally put the stick in her ass all of the guys just went ''OH!'' as they saw it happen. Howard said he couldn't even describe what was going on. Howard then had Stuttering John go first with the rings. John tossed his 3 rings and got 2 of them on the stick. Artie was next. He also got two rings on. Gary also got two rings. Benjy was up next and got just one. Robin even got in on the ring toss. She didn't get even one on the stick. KC was next. He tossed his three rings and only got one on. Finally, Howard got up and tossed his rings. He got just one ring on so he was out of the finals. John, Artie and Gary were all in the finals so they had a toss-off. Gary was up first and didn't get any this time. Artie went up and got one ring. John was last and blew it. He missed all three so Artie was Lord of the Anal Ring Toss.
Howard spent a minute talking to Ally and gave her another plug for ChesterMolestHer.com. She said they do just about everything on the site.
Howard said he's going to try and hold the girls over for that. Howard also spent a couple of minutes talking about Ally and how hot she was.
Howard had tape of an interview OJ Simpson did with Dan Patrick. In the interview he talks about how normal his life is and how he takes care of other people's kids when his kids have them over. Howard and Robin wondered who the hell leaves their kids with OJ Simpson. Howard joked that it's probably the same people who let their kids hang out with Michael Jackson.
Howard killed some time talking about some other stuff he read about in the news. He brought up film maker Michael Moore who made a statement about how the white people in the terrorist hijacked planes were cowards and if the plane had been full of black people, they would have beaten the terrorists asses. Howard talked about that for a couple of minutes and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard took a call from this guy Dave who always calls him Pinocchio. Earlier Howard mentioned something about Mark Gastineau's daughter dating some athlete. Howard and the guys talked about how hot she is and how even her mother is hot. That's what led to Dave calling in. He told Howard that he once dated Mark's ex-wife many years ago. Howard figured he meant the mother of Lisa but it was his previous wife which didn't surprise Howard. He ended up hanging up on Dave when he figured that out.
The conversation changed to Christmas gifts and some of the guys mentioned what Howard got them all. It's a leather bound book that they can keep paper and pen in. He had his tattoo embossed on the cover. Stuttering John said he writes some of his comedy material in the book. He said that Artie has been writing some stuff for his sitcom in there. Gary made the mistake of saying that he's going to use it as a journal for the final years of the radio show. The guys ended up goofing on him about that for a while. It will probably come back to haunt him in the future too. Howard said some of the other people who he gave the book for other stuff. He said one of his friends will be using it as a guest book in his house out in the Hamptons.
Howard took a call from someone who wanted to know how the E! uncensored tapes are coming along. Howard said he has a team of people working on it and he should know more about it soon. He said it's turned out to be more of a project than he thought. That led to Howard talking about how crazy the radio show was back in the days before the E! cameras were in the studio. They talked about the Sam Kinison days and other wacky stuff like the Stephen Baldwin bachelor party and stuff like that. That led to the guys bringing up DJ Meg Griffin who used to come on after Howard did his radio show. She always got upset with the stuff they did in the studio before she came to work. The guys then brought up some of the other female DJs that used to work at the station. Howard remembered DJs like Allison Steele and Jo Maiter the Rock and Roll Madam. They also mentioned some other DJs they used to work with years and years ago. Howard got back to his gifts and asked Fred and Robin what they're going to do with their books. Fred said he's going to use it for phone numbers and addresses. Robin said she's going to use it as a keepsake book. KC came in and said he's going to keep a journal of some of the wacky things he thinks about in the book. Gary asked him what kind of stuff he wrote in there. KC said he thought he had bugs in his ears one day and wrote that in there. Howard wondered what that means. Robin figures he's mentally disturbed. Gary said he really is strange and told a quick story about how he backed out of a client meeting he was supposed to go to with him. Gary said KC just hates hanging around people and didn't want to do this lunch.
One guy was worried that Stuttering John was going to give up drinking to lose weight for his Bally Total Fitness Weight Loss Challenge. They did a quick commercial for that the other day and John can possibly win $25,000 if he loses 25 pounds and can do a bunch of sit-ups and push-ups in a month. Howard went on to read some more e-mail from some people who enjoyed Ashton Kutcher's interview yesterday. Some people were pissed that Howard kept Ashton waiting during a commercial break even though he only had a short time left there at the station.
Howard said that he's going to celebrate his birthday next weekend instead of this coming weekend because one of his daughters won't be around this weekend. Howard didn't sound very excited about it to Robin so she asked him why that was. He said he's in no mood to celebrate his 49th birthday. Robin and Howard spent some time talking about how old they're getting. Howard told Robin she still looks great for a 50 year old. Robin told Howard he has beautiful skin for his age but he thinks he needs some work on his face. He claims that he still has his natural hair color and doesn't dye it. Howard and Robin said Gary is thinking of doing a color rinse with his hair because it's starting to turn gray. Howard said he was never supposed to be this age. Howard told Robin his plans for this weekend and what he's supposed to do with family and friends.
The guys ended up talking football for a little while. They tried to figure out when the games would be on over the weekend. Stuttering John came in and said that he gets calls from people in different cities who beg him to tell Artie not to bet on their teams because he has such a losing streak. The guys talked about betting for a while before Howard had Robin get to her news.
Howard said they're going to have Trista from ''The Bachelorette'' on today. He said he knows she's a little reserved but she's hot. Howard and the guys talked about the show for a short time. Howard said he was almost embarrassed to be a guy after seeing the show. Howard thought it was funny that she picked a black guy to stay in the finals. Howard said he heard that ABC actually encourages these bachelors and bachelorettes to choose Blacks, Hispanics or Asians to stay in the finals.
Howard said he saw the new Star Search with Arsenio Hall and wondered what happened to him. He said the show was a train wreck. Howard talked about some of the stuff that went on during the show and how horrible it was. They had all kinds of strange judges and bad performances from the contestants. Howard said some of the contestants were just horrible. He said the voting was straightened out when people started voting by calling in or internet voting. He said the show was live so there's room for lots of little screw ups.
Howard talked about Trista and ''The Bachelorette'' for a short time and then said they have a bunch of other guests coming in. They have (MC) Hammer, Emmanuel Lewis and Steve Guttenberg coming in. Guttenberg is coming in to play ''Celebrity Stump the Booey'' with Gary. They'll also be bringing back Ally and Cat to play ''Lord of the Anal Ring Toss'' with Hammer and Emmanuel Lewis.
Howard changed subjects and ended up talking about Trista from ''The Bachelorette'' a little more. That led to the guys talking about the Miami Heat dancers since Trista was one at some point in her life. Howard talked about how weird it is when guys bring their kids to see those dancers. He said his father used to check out women when he was a kid.
Howard read through some news articles and talked about Diana Ross being pulled over for drunk driving. Howard said he saw some of the paperwork on TheSmokingGun.com web site so he spent a short time talking about that. He read from the report where they wrote down some of the sobriety tests they did on her. She didn't know the alphabet and she couldn't count in order.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who sounded pretty drunk. He mumbled some stuff and Howard could barely understand what the hell he was saying. It turned out he was talking about the Jets and the Giants but Howard told him he couldn't talk to him because he was such a marble mouth. Howard then took a break before bringing in Trista.
Trista spent some time talking to Howard about what she does for a living and what she's done in the past. She used to dance for the Miami Heat and she's also a physical therapist. Howard said he started to remember her story and said that Trista was unable to orgasm with guys. She laughed and confirmed what Howard said. Howard said he read a story about a 20-something year old woman who was unable to orgasm and it turned out she was having an early menopause. Trista said she can orgasm but not a vaginal orgasm. She said she can pleasure herself and orgasm. She said she could possibly get an orgasm from oral sex too. Howard asked her if she lets guys kiss her after they've gone down there on her. She said she would and Howard said ''even though it looks like he just ate creamed corn?'' to which Trista responded ''Ewwwwwee!'' Howard said he doesn't want a woman kissing him after she's given him oral. He doesn't want to taste his own stuff.
Howard asked Trista if she's like a desert down there in her pants when she's with a guy. She said she's fine when she's with guys but she just doesn't orgasm. Howard said he knows when a woman gets an orgasm because her whole body rocks when it happens.
Howard asked Trista if it's true that she was encouraged to pick the black guy on the show. She said that's no true and she really likes this guy Jack. She said she's dated interracially before so it's not a big deal. She said the producers did ask her why she was getting rid of some of the guys but they didn't influence her picks. Howard talked to Trista about some of the guys she has picked to stay for the next week. Howard said a lot of people were upset that she picked the guy that gave her the bracelet. Stuttering John said he thinks that her choices have something to do with the amount of money the guys make. She said that really doesn't matter to her though. Howard told Trista that he doesn't think he could marry a woman who can't have a vaginal orgasm.
Howard said that he thinks Trista will choose Charlie as the finalist. He said he thinks this is just a way to get back at Alex the bachelor because he didn't pick her. Robin thought it was funny that she broke down and cried at the end of the show last night.
Howard said he bets that the black guy will be voted out in the next round. He said he knows that she knows the outcome already but he's still willing to bet on it. He said he knows what she's all about and it's predictable what she's going to do next. She said she can't bet on that though.
Howard talked about how hot Trista looked on the show last night. He said her legs looked great. Howard also said he hasn't seen the Maxim magazine shoot she did. She said it's in the January issue of the magazine with Christina Aguilera on the cover. Howard asked her why she didn't show any camel toe in the shoot. That led to them talking about waxing the bikini area. Howard told Trista that if he were to date her, he'd take her into the bathroom and shave her down himself. She said ''Really?'' and couldn't seem to believe that he'd do that. Howard said he really would and he might even tie her up and shave her. Robin said he'd probably be arrested the next day if he did that.
Howard took a couple of phone calls including one from Mariann from Brooklyn. She was screaming about how she loved the show last night even though it was so bad. She rambled on for about a minute before Howard cut her off. Artie ended up doing his impression of Mariann for a few seconds before Howard got back to Trista. She appeared on ''The View'' yesterday so Howard talked about how fat Star Jones is. Trista wouldn't say anything bad about her though. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. ''The Bachelorette'' airs Wednesday nights at 9pm on ABC.
After the break Howard said he was talking to Trista during the break and she really thinks she's going to meet someone on this show. Howard and the guys think that there's no guy out there that's good enough to make her happy. They think that the TV show is probably better than any guy she could get.
Howard gave the guys a plug for this new show ''The Surreal Life'' and asked them about that. Emmanuel told Howard it's about 7 celebrities who stay in a house together. Emmanuel said they wouldn't talk about whether or not they fought on the show or not. Hammer said he's happy with the way the show came out. They said there's no grand prize or anything, they just hang out and comment on daily happenings. Gary came in and asked the guys if he'd be out of line asking how much money they made doing this show. They weren't talking about that though. Howard asked Emmanuel if he is a millionaire from ''Webster'' or not. He said he did very well with that show but he wasn't giving dollar amounts. Gary asked him if he has to work or not. He said it's in his blood to work so he keeps working.
Yesterday we had our first Lord of the Anal Ring Toss experience. Howard brought the girls back to play the game again with Emmanuel and Hammer. Hammer saw the guys putting the towel down on the carpet and said he wouldn't be into anything funky like that. Howard told the guys what was going to happen and wanted to make sure it was okay with them. He told them that Ally (ChesterMolestHer.com) would be sticking a ring toss pole in her ass and they'd be tossing the rings on the pole. Hammer didn't want any part of it though. Howard wanted them to play so he said he'd go first. Hammer said he'd play if Howard plays. Emmanuel said he'd go after Hammer because he knew it would never happen. While they were talking about this Ally and her partner Cat were making out. They got undressed shortly after that. Howard spoke to Ally for a short time and said she was going to build the anal ring toss stand. Ally got on the floor while Cat lubed her up and stuck the pole in her ass. Artie got up, since he was Lord of the Anal Ring Toss game from yesterday, and tossed his rings. Artie got all three of his rings on. Howard asked Hammer to go next but he didn't want to play. Artie said something about Willie Tyler and Lester not wanting to play. Gary came in and said that there's some nudity on the show they're on and they both leave the room so it's obvious they don't want any part of this stuff. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard took a couple of phone calls about the Hammer/Emmanuel interview. Hammer wouldn't let Howard talk to Emmanuel about what he wanted to so it was a tough interview. Howard said Emmanuel's story is probably fascinating. One caller told Howard it was the worst interview he ever did.
Howard talked about the Lord of the Anal Ring Toss thing for a short time. He said he wants to put out a home version of the game. Howard said the guys were talking during the break trying to figure out what happened in Ally's life that led to this Anal Ring Toss thing.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and killed some time with some other stuff before getting to Steve Guttenberg. Howard said he got some holiday cards from celebrities and one of them was a card from David Copperfield and it had a cool magic trick on it. He got one from the American Cancer Society saying that comedian Richard Jeni donated some money in his name. Howard said Jeni smokes like crazy so he wasn't sure why he did that. Gary said he thinks Jeni lost his mother to cancer. Michael Buffer sent out a big picture of himself on a card that says ''Let's get ready to Rumble in 2003.'' Howard said he got cards from Scotty Crane and Richard Roeper. Howard wasn't sure who Richard Roeper was so Gary had to remind him he's the guy that took Gene Siskel's spot next to Roger Ebert. Gary's microphone was low on volume so Howard ended up getting pissed and said that someone has to fix that. He went off on that for a minute and then got back to the holiday cards. He got a card from Kevin Smith, William Shatner, Lisa the blind Playboy model, Jack Lalane, and others. He talked about each of them for a short time. Jack Lalane had a lot to say in his holiday card. Howard read through the whole thing and goofed on that for a short time. Howard then read a card he got from Dr. Judy Kurianski. He said she sends along all of her news clippings with her card. He said she's worse than Jack Lalane. Harold Ramis also sent a card. Howard said that was about it for the cards. He went through some of Dr. Judy's news clippings and spent a short time goofing on that before bringing in Steve Guttenberg.
Steve was supposed to come in and play ''Celebrity Stump The Booey'' but Howard wanted to keep playing Lord of the Anal Ring Toss so they asked Steve to play that instead. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Steve about all of the movies he's been in and how they've generated over a billion dollars. Howard also asked him about getting laid and stuff like that. Steve said he was married one time to a model but that didn't work out. Howard and the guys also asked him why he hasn't been working in movies lately. He said he just hasn't wanted to work in anything. He said years ago he was working so much that he wasn't seeing his family so he's moved back to Long Island to be closer to his parents.
Howard eventually brought in Ally and her partner Cat so they could play Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. Steve sounded like he wasn't sure if he wanted to do it. Howard eventually convinced him to do it though. Since Artie was holding the title of Lord of the Anal Ring Toss, he got to go first. Howard asked what kind of lube Ally uses for stick she shoves in her butt. She said it's Strawberry-Kiwi Juicy Lube. Artie then got up to the line and tossed his three rings. He got 2 out of three on the stick. Steve went next and asked if he could get a plug for his movie for each ring he got. Howard said that was fine so Steve tossed his three rings. He only got one so he lost to Artie who remained Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. He did get one plug in for his movie though. A short time after that game Steve and Artie challenged each other to another round of Anal Ring Toss. This time they were playing for $50. Ally had Cat shove the pole back in her ass as they got ready to play again. This time Steve went first. He only got one ring again. Artie went up and got two rings again so he won and kept the title of Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. Howard spent a short time talking to Steve before he offered to play the game again, this time for $100. Steve told Howard he just wanted to hang around a little longer and get some more plugs for his movie. Ally set up again with the pole and Artie went first. Artie managed to get two rings on. Steve went up and did the same so they had to have a toss-off. Once again both Artie and Steve each got 2 rings on. Howard had to ''check the rules'' that don't actually exist. He said that the guys were going to get one ring each. If they tied again they were going to have a 10 second toss-off to see who could get the most. Artie went first and got his ring on. Steve went up, tossed his ring and missed. Artie is still Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. Toward the end Ally was shaking from holding the anal ring toss pole in her ass. She said it's a tough position to hold for that long. As Howard was getting ready to wrap things up we learned from Gary that Ally is in school studying to become a doctor and she holds a 4.0 grade point average. She said she's going to be a neonatal care specialist when she's done. Howard said she must have some story in her but she just won't tell them what it is. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Steve was a nice guy and he gets a lot of credit for playing Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. Gary said he thought that Steve blew the last toss because Howard told him he would be crowned Lord of the Anal Ring Toss and he'd have to come back to play against other celebrities if he won. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
After taking a commercial break Artie said Steve hadn't paid him the $100 he'd won yet. Steve told him earlier that he had to get the money from his car. Howard said Guttenberg was great with the game. He said he really does want to make a home game version of the ring toss. He said the tough part is getting a chick to hold that pole. Howard and the guys said they don't believe Ally is really in medical school. A short time later Howard said they should ask her some medical questions to see if she really is in school. Howard had Ally come back in so they could question her. He first asked her where she was going to school. She said she's going to Orange Coast College and she has two semesters left. She'll then go to Cal State Long Beach. Howard asked her if anyone who has gone there has actually become a doctor. She said they have a great nursing program there.
Robin used to be a nurse so she asked Ally a couple of medical questions. She asked her about some Kreb cycle or something like that. Ally didn't know and said she was just starting out. She also didn't know how to spell Physician either. Robin asked her what the chemical formula for salt was. She didn't know. Ally said she's just going to be an RN anyway so she doesn't need to know everything. Howard asked her to spell college and she was able to do that.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Ally who he thought was really hot. He asked her a couple of other general knowledge questions that she did answer correctly. Howard also gave her another plug for her web site before she left. Steve Guttenberg showed up a few seconds later to pay Artie the money he owed him. He just popped in and told Artie to ''buy something for the kids'' with the money. Howard had Robin do her news after that.
Howard said Emma Caulfield from ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' will be on the show later this morning. He also said if you go to HowardStern.com you can see a picture of Artie as Lord of the Anal Rings. He took a break shortly after that.
After the break Howard said he had a couple of show notes he had to talk about. He said they want to play ''Stump the Booey'' again but they want someone who's willing to put up some money and get naked. Howard also talked about Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, and Gary the Retard. He said they want to put the two of them in a maze and see who can get out first. Gary said they need a maze some place close to New York City.
Howard said he didn't watch ''Star Search'' last night but they ended up talking about it anyway. Robin saw it and talked about how annoying Naomi Judd is on the show. They talked about how bad the show is and how you just have to watch it because it is so bad. Gary saw the show too and talked about how bad the comedians were.
Gary told Howard they're looking for people who want to date Nikki Ziering for the dial-a-date they have coming up. While they were talking about that Howard asked if Robin Radzinski from E! was back from her holiday vacation yet. Gary said she's still over there and doesn't come back until next week. Howard spent some time talking about her and how she's going to Iraq while she's on vacation. Howard seems to think she's nuts to go there. The guys talked about some of the crazy things that have happened to Robin Radzinski when she's gone on vacation before Howard moved on to read some e-mail.
Howard got an e-mail about Gary's graying hair and how he should use Grecian formula to get rid of the gray. Gary said he's going to his cousin's salon next week to get it colored just to see how it looks.
Howard got some mail about Emmanuel Lewis and MC Hammer who were on the show yesterday. One person said Emmanuel said ''shit'' 3 times and it didn't get censored out. Howard said he didn't hear that though. Other people e-mailed them and said Emmanuel and Hammer sucked and shouldn't have been allowed on the show at all. Howard read some mail about the purse he carries around. The person who e-mailed him said he must look like a fag when he carries it around. Howard said he talked about how faggy he looks carrying the bag so the e-mail was just repeating what he said. Howard said a lot of people loved Lord of the Anal Rings and Steve Guttenberg playing the game. They also got some negative mail about Howard having Steve Guttenberg, Emmanuel Lewis and MC Hammer on the show. Stuttering John came in and said that he heard about some guys who were trying to get some women to play Lord of the Anal Rings at a bar somewhere. Artie said he got a call from his mother last night congratulating him on being crowned Lord of the Anal Rings. The guys goofed on him a little bit about that and how his mother still helps clean his apartment. While they were talking to Artie John mentioned that Artie went to a psychiatrist. Artie made a noise like he didn't want him to talk about it. John said that Artie told him it was okay to talk about but Artie said he talked to someone who told him not to talk about it on the air. Howard and the guys ended up talking to Artie about his problems and how he's gained a lot of weight lately. Stuttering John said that Artie once told him he ate a whole pizza himself. Howard told Artie he shouldn't be going to this shrink because she's probably going home and telling everyone about him. She apparently has to listen to the show to hear what Artie is talking about to diagnose him. Howard ended up bringing up a story in the news about a psychiatrist who was planning on killing a bunch of people in his office. The guys spent a few seconds talking about that before getting back to Artie. He talked about some of the stuff that went on during his session. He said he's still got issues about his late father. He also said when he's not working he just wants to lay on the couch and watch a Jets game. He said he really doesn't have any energy to do anything else. Howard told him it's probably the food he eats that causes him to not have any energy. Howard had to take another break after talking to Artie about all of that.
Howard had tape of Artie's mother leaving a message for ''king of the anal ring toss.'' She was asking him if he needed something when she left the message for him. Artie said his mother is great.
Howard said he was watching some show where they were doing a tribute to Paul Simon and there were a few bad performances from Alicia Keys and John Mellencamp. He played some clips of their performances and goofed on them. Howard said Alicia Keys has a great voice but her cover of ''Bridge Over Troubled Water'' was just bad. John Mellencamp's performance of ''Graceland'' wasn't that great either. James Taylor, on the other hand, did a great job according to Howard. He played a clip of that performance and said he has a beautiful voice.
Gary told Howard that Nick is a big fan of the show so Howard said they have to have him come in to play Lord of the Anal Ring Toss. He had to describe the game to Nick though because he didn't hear it yesterday or the day before. Howard then moved on and took some phone calls. A guy called in and said the Raiders were going to win. Then Gary the Retard called in and said he thinks the Raiders are going to win. He was yelling about who he thought was going to win for a few seconds. Howard had Nick ask Gary what 3 plus 8 was. Gary the Retard responded ''Four!'' Howard wrapped up the interview after that and then took a commercial break.
Howard gave a plug for tonight's ''Hot 25'' E! show that features the tickle panties episode. Shuli called in and said he read an interview (http://www.metal-sludge.com/20QuestionsDeeSnider.htm) that was done with Dee Snyder who said some strange stuff about Howard. Dee said that there was a weird vibe around Howard when he saw him last. He said he used to have a bond with Howard when he was married but now that he's divorced it's strange.
Howard ended up talking about how he didn't want to fly out to California to see Ozzy and Sharon renew their vows on New Years. He said he's still afraid to fly and he didn't really want to be on the show they shot at that vow renewal anyway. They also talked about the story about the necklace that Sharon is claiming was stolen at the event.
Howard wanted to give away the Nintendo Gamecubes so he asked Shuli if he wanted one. Shuli said he'd play for it but Howard knew he didn't really want it. Shuli said he was right and let Howard get someone else on the phone to play. Howard took a couple of calls and finally found someone to play a game to win the video game system. Howard said the Nintendo is courtesy of Namco's ''Dead to Rights'' video game and a copy of the game comes with the system. KC came in a few seconds later with his ''Gwyneth Paltrow'' game. This is where he reads a statement and the player has to guess whether it was Gwyneth Paltrow, Jonathan Lipnicki or Haley Joel Osment who said it. Here are the statements KC read:
Howard and the guys spent some time talking about some other stuff after the game. Howard read an article about a bowling ally worker who was killed in a bowling pin resetting machine. Howard said it sounded like a phony story but it was true. Howard also brought up Mr. Blackwell's top ten bad women list. Howard read through them and said they really need the guy on the phone to read them. Howard went through the list and said he doesn't know why he'd want to read a list like that from a gay guy.
Howard said that if you go to Sal the Stockbroker's web site HorseToothJackass.com, you can check out an animation of his roast of Gary. He said it's pretty funny.
Howard eventually moved on to talk to Emma about sex and other good stuff. She actually asked him if they could move on to talk about anal instead of picking her apart. Emma said that she has tried anal more than twice in her life and she enjoys it. She also talked about getting married at the age of 22 to a guy who was 15 years older than her. She said she knew the marriage wouldn't last when they were on their honeymoon. She said she stayed with the guy for 3 years though.
Emma talked about her experiences on ''Beverly Hills 90210'' which she worked on for a short time. Howard read that she didn't get along with Tiffany Thiessen when she was on the show. Emma didn't want to talk about that though but she eventually did. She said that Tiffany didn't like her from the first day she was on the set. She said she heard about some things she said about her on the set that weren't very nice. She didn't get into too many details but did say she didn't get along with her.
Howard also talked to Emma about her new movie ''Darkness Falls'' which opens on January 24th. She also talked about why she's leaving ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' when this season is over. She said it's just time to move on and her contract is up this season anyway.
Howard took some phone calls and talked to Emma about her sex life before getting Mike Walker on the phone to play his game. Howard found out she has a new boyfriend and he's an actor. Artie tried to guess who it was and said Rick Moranis. Emma was fed up with him by this point so she told him she just wanted him to go away. Artie said he wasn't Benjy who she had confused him with earlier. She said the two of them were interchangeable though. Howard ended up asking Emma if she wears underwear and if she shaves down completely. She said she hates underwear and never wears it. Howard also told her about how if she were his girlfriend he'd put her over his knee and spank her. Emma seemed to take it all pretty well and had fun with Howard.
Mike Walker was on the phone to play his game so Howard put him on. Mike said when he's forced to wait to get on the air, this is what he likes to hear while he's on hold. Mike and Howard continued the discussion with Emma for a couple of minutes before getting to the game. They moved on to the game after that so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Emma before wrapping up the interview. After taking a break Howard said he had an awkward moment with her when she was leaving. He said it seemed like she wanted to kiss him goodbye but he wasn't sure if it was appropriate so they didn't kiss. Gary came in and said that Stuttering John seems to think she might be into him even though he was saying she's not all that hot. The guys spent a couple of minutes discussing her appearance, took some phone calls and then moved on to do the news.