Howard also gave everyone a heads up for tomorrow's Newlywed Game that they'll be playing. It will be Howard and Beth vs. Artie and Dana vs. Robin and Mr. X. Howard said Andy Dick will also be in for the game.
After taking a commercial break Howard mentioned tonight's E! show which features Playmate Devin Devasquez. He talked about how Devin came on to him but he didn't go for it with her. He went on to talk about how great Beth is after that.
Howard said he's still thinking about getting a dog to replace Java who is still with his wife and kids. He said he still gets to see Java when he goes out to Long Island to visit his kids. He said he's been looking at, and spending time with, both Bulldogs and French Bulldogs. He's been spending some time with some Bulldogs to make sure it's what he's looking for. Howard said that the dogs look like Rosie O'Donnell with their giant, ugly heads. He said that the good thing about them is that they don't need a lot of exercise. Howard said he also likes Boston Terriers. Howard had someone showing pictures of the types of dogs on his computer screen so Robin could see what he was talking about. Artie said he likes the Bulldogs also. Howard said the only problem with them is that they're stubborn. The trainer Howard is dealing with doesn't like to call the dogs ''dumb'' so he says they're stubborn. Howard said he doesn't want anyone calling in offering a free dog. He's going to go with a breeder that has a good reputation. He has more research to do though.
Fred got in on the conversation because he has a dog. His came from the pound though. He and Howard spent a short time talking about the dogs and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard said that all of the homeless people that Mayor Giuliani got rid of during his term are back on the streets. Howard said that they come up to you begging and it's annoying. Howard said that Mayor Bloomberg should call Giuliani and ask him what he did with the homeless.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him how stupid his sister's Bulldog is. Howard said he knows how slow they can be but he may still go that direction. Another caller told Howard about his Boston Terrier and how smart the dog is.
Howard got back to his concert stories. He said that Billy Joel invited him to the concert on Friday night so he had to go. It was Billy Joel and Elton John together. Howard said he took his 9 year old daughter Ashley to the concert and she loved it. She got to hang out back stage and talked to Billy for a little while. He said the other band members gave her some drumsticks and a harmonica. Ashley wanted to get Elton John's autograph for a friend so Howard figured he had to do it for her. He said he'd do anything for his daughter so he asked the security guys to let him in. He got back stage but he wasn't allowed to make a lot of noise because Elton needed quiet. Howard said they had him standing in a bunch of different places for some reason. He eventually got into Elton's dressing room. He said Elton was really cool and let them hang out for a little while. Howard said he felt really stupid asking Elton for his autograph, but he did it anyway. Elton had his people bring some pictures for him to sign. Howard said that Elton told him he was watching the E! show the other night and saw Courtney Love. Elton told Howard that he loves Courtney and has a lot of respect for her. Howard said they spent about 10 minutes talking to Elton.
Howard said that Billy Joel sounded just as good the other night as he did when he first started out.
On Saturday Howard was at the Rolling Stones concert with his girlfriend, her brother, some football player whose name he wasn't quite sure of and another guy. Howard said at Madison Square Garden they had armed guards keeping people out. Howard said that they almost didn't get in because they needed some special pass. He eventually got in but they walked him through half the stadium so everyone saw him. He went on to say that he was amazed at how great they were. He said he was shocked at just how good they were. He said they're playing again tonight at Roseland but he can't go because he has to go to bed so he's prepared for the Newlywed Game.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how great this week's episode of ''The Sopranos'' was. Howard said he's also seen next week's episode and it's probably the best one ever. Robin didn't want him to talk about it though so he went to commercial break.
After the break Howard took a call from a guy who had tape of Courtney Love talking about stuff during her ''24 Hours of Love'' on MTV2 recently. Howard said he saw about 2 and a half hours of the show. The caller had a few clips that he thought were pretty interesting. Howard said it was great fun to see her doing her thing. The caller and Howard said they're not sure about it but she sure looked high to them. She really rambled on and on about a bunch of nonsense during some of the show. She even showed her breasts to the camera which the caller had on tape.
Howard had the new Nirvana song ''You Know You're Right'' so he talked about that and played it for Robin. He had a pirated version from the web... He must not know that his station has a CD copy that they play every couple of hours. He said he wasn't digging it at first but when he listened this time he thought it was pretty good. At first he said they may have waited too long to release it.
Howard spent a little while talking about Reese Witherspoon and how her new movie ''Sweet Home Alabama'' was number one at the theaters this weekend. Howard said she's the kind of person who can make a crappy movie a hit. He said she's what Jennifer Aniston could never be. Howard explained what the movie is about and said it's science fiction because she ends up going back to the hick-town she grew up in to marry a guy she used to know.
Howard got back to his night out at the Rolling Stones concert after someone let him know what the football player's name was. It was Brad Scioli who plays for the Colts. Howard apologized for not knowing what the right name was. Howard said he took everyone out to a bar after the concert and some Swedish broadcaster ended up bugging him. Howard said he talked to her and waited for his girlfriend to come back so she could get jealous when she saw the blonde broadcaster. Then a little troll of a woman came up to him and started tugging on his shirt demanding to talk to him. Howard told her she was very rude and he'd get back to her. She left and Howard got back to the Swedish broadcaster. He made small talk with her and killed time until his girlfriend finally came back. Beth then told him that 50 guys were hitting on her when she went to the bathroom. Howard said the little troll broad came back up to him again and told Howard that he was being rude to her. Howard said he couldn't hear what she was saying. She eventually said ''F*** You'' to Howard and left. He had a few drinks and left after all of that.
Howard let a few people call in and yell at the guy for being a freak. Howard also told Ben that he's a sick pervert. Ben said that it's a natural thing and Howard is actually the pervert. At one point Robin asked him if he lets dogs give him oral sex. Ben told Robin that was a sick question and he'd never let and animal do that to him.
Howard spent a while talking to this guy and let him give out his e-mail address which was AnimalLoverBen@yahoo.com. Howard said he was going to give it out and hope that the authorities will arrest him. Gary came in at the end of the interview and said this is why he loves the show. Five minutes after this interview they had Sir Anthony Hopkins calling in.
Howard also spent some time talking to Hopkins about working with Jodi Foster and the new chick who took her place in the Hannibal Lechter based movies. He said he enjoyed working with both of them.
Howard wanted to know just how much of a fan Anthony was so he asked him if he was upset about Jackie leaving the show. Hopkins said ''Who's that?'' Howard asked him a couple of other questions about the show and he sort of knew some of them but didn't really seem to be that big of a fan. Hopkins told him he's a big fan of Howard's, not necessarily the other people who are on the show. He told Howard that he saw his movie and enjoyed that very much.
Howard eventually got to the plug for the movie ''Red Dragon.'' Howard said it's a prequel to the other Hannibal Lecter movies and it's a remake of ''Man Hunter.'' Howard also spent some time talking to him about the love scene he has with Nicole Kidman in another movie. Howard asked him a few questions about that and if he got wood during the scene. Hopkins said that he didn't get wood because it's just a job. He said he didn't get to feel her up during the scene. Howard seemed to find that odd and told Hopkins he got aroused when he did his sex scenes for his movie ''Private Parts.''
Hopkins is going to be in the next ''Superman'' movie so Howard and Robin tried to get some info about that. Hopkins said he hasn't seen the script yet but he'll be playing the part of Jorrell. Robin said she's heard some weird stuff about this next ''Superman.'' She said she heard that Jimmy Olson will be gay and some other odd stuff. Hopkins isn't sure about that since he hasn't seen the script yet.
Howard took a few phone calls and let fans talk to Hopkins for a short time before wrapping it up. Howard had to cut off one woman because she was boring him. Crazy Cabbie called in and thanked Hopkins for making a speech about sobriety a few years ago and was inspired by him to stay sober. Howard told Cabbie to tell him how he fell off the wagon a few times. Cabbie claimed only one fall but Howard said there was more than one fall. Another caller told Howard that the stuff Robin heard about the ''Superman'' movie are blown out of proportion and they're still working on the script.
Howard brought up Anthony's daughter who he's estranged from. Hopkins said that he thinks she's living in England right now but he's not sure. He said he doesn't hear from her much these days. Howard said he's going to try and reunite the two of them.
Hopkins told Howard that the premiere for ''Red Dragon'' is tonight and invited Howard. Howard said he may try to show up so they can walk the red carpet together. Howard said they could come out of the closet together at the premiere. Hopkins said that it sounds like fun.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Hopkins about dating and stuff like that and then wrapped up the call.
A short time later Howard talked about how strange it was that Hopkins didn't seem to know much about the show even though he claims to be a big fan. Gary thinks he might just be the occasional listener who isn't hard core like some of us are.
Howard also had a new phony phone call that High Pitch Erik made to a porn shop. He tells the shop owner that he got his balls stuck in a blow up doll's ass and he can't get them out, that's why his voice is so high pitched. Erik and the guy on the phone end up arguing with each other calling each other names until Erik called the guy a ''Spic.'' That's when the guy hung up on him. Check Sal the Stockbroker's site HorseToothJackass.com for some of the calls.
Howard played some tape of Beetlejuice's manager Sean reading him some of the lines he had to say for something they did for Howard's show one time. Beet is just like Anna Nicole because he can't repeat his lines correctly either. Howard then replayed the Anna Nicole clip and goofed on that a little more until Joey Buttafuoco called in.
Howard talked to her about her radio show and tried to find out what she does. Gary came in and told Howard that Lena's hot sister Sophia is her ''Stuttering John'' who goes out and interviews people.
Howard said he was going to teach the girls a new game, ''It's Just Wrong.'' He told them how it's played and offered to give them $1000 for playing. They said it wasn't enough money. Howard told Lena that he didn't really want her to come down to the station so he doesn't know what to do with them. She told Howard she just wanted to listen to him and find out what he was up to.
Howard recreated his night with Lena. He had Fred play some loud club music while he tried to talk to her. He said he couldn't understand her at the club and he couldn't understand her there. Greg Fitzsimmons joined in and pretended to be a fan trying to get an autograph. For some reason Lena doesn't raise her voice even when the music is blasting. She just spoke to Howard at her normal level.
Howard spent a little while longer with Lena who says she's 6'2'' tall. He asked her if she wanted to be spanked but she wasn't into that. Howard let her ask him a couple of questions but they were pretty lame. She asked him if he likes hockey and dopey stuff like that. Howard told her he doesn't like hockey, he likes BJs. The guys thought they didn't really even know what BJs were though.
Howard and Greg spent a couple of minutes talking about politics with Lena. They talked about the possible invasion of Iraq and how the Swedish think that it's wrong and we're meddling in other people's business. Howard gave her a message to take back to her country after hearing that.
Howard said Chevy has done some funny stuff in his life but he's never seen such a hated guy. Howard told Greg he's been reading this book, ''''Live From New York'': An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live...'', by Tom Shales about what went on behind the scenes at Saturday Night Live and everyone hates Chevy. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about that before having Robin do her news.
Comedy writer Frank Sebastiano came in late in the show and spent a few minutes talking to Howard about his work on Saturday Night Live and some other stuff. He mentioned that he worked with Artie and Norm Macdonald on the movie ''Dirty Work'' but Howard told him to keep that quiet. Frank sat quiet for most of the time he was in except for the couple of minutes Howard spoke to him. He came in so late Howard didn't have all that much time to talk to him.
Howard said that he's heard that Artie has been pushing Dana to get married and she doesn't want to do it. Artie said asking someone to move in is different than asking her to marry him.
Robin and Howard said they practiced the Nearlywed Game over the weekend a little bit but both of them figured it was ridiculous to practice.
KC came in and said that BetOnSports.com was taking bets on who will win the game today. He gave Howard the odds and they spent a minute talking about that.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about his Dad who called him yesterday. He complained about the show yesterday because he couldn't hear Anthony Hopkins very well on the phone. Howard said he asked a few people about it and they all had different views about how it sounded. Ronnie the Limo Driver backed up Howard's father and said Hopkins' voice was going in and out. Howard figures his father is hard of hearing since he's 79 years old. Howard said it was an insult aimed at him since he controls the levels.
After taking a break Howard had a new prank call from Captain Janks to play. Janks called the FOX news network and said that a suspicious package that was found at an airport contained Howard Stern's balls. The host of the show quickly hung up on him and moved on. Howard also replayed the new High Pitch Erik phony phone call that he played during yesterday's show. Erik called a porn shop and said his balls got stuck in a blow up doll and he wanted the guys at the porn shop to come over and get his balls out. Howard wanted to play another one of Erik's calls but he couldn't find it in the giant pile of carts he had sitting there. Someone eventually brought the call in so Howard played it. It was one where Erik called a party store and told the guy that his voice was high because he inhaled helium. The shop owner and Erik curse each other out for a minute before they hang up. Erik called in and changed subjects when he asked Howard if the Nearlywed Game would be on E! tonight. Howard said he doesn't think they'll have it on that quick. Erik told Howard he's betting that Howard will win. Howard said he doesn't know why everyone is so confident that he'll win. Erik also told Howard that his calls are available on HorseToothJackass.com.
This guy Double A asked Howard if he could come down and just look at Beth during this game. Howard told him he could do it but now Howard is afraid that Beth is going to get freaked out. Gary told Howard that Double A is kind of disturbing looking too so it may just freak Beth out. They said he's a really nice guy but he's kind of creepy. Howard said he might just let Double A come in and look at her for a minute and then kick him out.
Howard ended up talking to Robin about how she and Mr. X hooked up and started dating. They've been friends for a really long time. Robin said that Mr. X was actually married while they were friends and they used to double date together. He split from his wife and eventually started hitting on her. He once came up behind her and started grabbing her and it eventually led to a relationship.
Debbie started talking about some of the stuff she talks about but Howard said he couldn't take it so he had to get off the phone.
Debbie said she'll be on The Early Show today debating some woman for some reason.
Howard took a few phone calls after Debbie's call. One guy told Howard that he's going to be a total fag after this Nearlywed or Newlyweird game. Howard let the guy complain but didn't seem to care.
Howard announced that tonight is the final episode of ''Son of the Beach'' which is called ''Bad News Mr. Johnson.'' It stars Jon Lovitz, Ian Ziering and Lee Majors. It turns out the title is just a goof on this guy Kevin Riley who works at FX. It's a goof on a comedy that Riley put on one time that was about some guy dying of cancer. Of course it failed miserably so the guys came up with a similar title just to goof on the guy. Howard said after this episode airs he'll start bad mouthing FX. He said they canceled the show because they needed the money for other shows. They apparently told Howard that they want to be ''the next HBO.'' Howard said he's going to keep track of what the network spends on their new shows and will announce it on the air every week so they can watch the network go down in flames. He said he's going to being the countdown to Riley's firing starting next week. Howard said he saw one of their new shows, ''Lucky'', and it's unwatchable. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about some of the other stuff going on over there.
Howard said that Andy was out until 4am not drinking so he wondered how he has fun. Andy told Howard that he was at the premiere of Anthony Hopkins' new movie ''Red Dragon.'' Howard told Andy that he had Hopkins on the show yesterday and Andy seemed really surprised.
Stuttering John came in and said that he saw Andy last night at the premiere and he smelled alcohol on his breath. Andy swears that he doesn't drink though.
Howard read an article about Andy that claims he has been drinking and rubbing male friend's asses. Andy said that he does go to the club they mention in the article but he's never had alcohol there. He said he may have rubbed someone's buttocks but he doesn't go to gay clubs.
Howard said there was recently an article about Billy Joel drinking at some place. Howard defended Billy on the show yesterday and Billy thanked him for that. He also told Howard that he was drinking water at the place where they claimed he was drinking wine. Howard was pointing out how easily they can get stories wrong.
Howard asked Andy what he thought of ''Red Dragon'' last night. Andy said it was ''creepy'' and disturbing. Andy also brought up some TV show he was watching last night that featured some freaks with extra body parts and stuff like that. Howard said they should book all of them for his show.
Howard saw that Andy was scheduled to do Regis after his show. He used to do The View too but Andy says he'll never do that show again. They made him perform like a circus monkey the last time he was on. He told Howard the story about how they made him ride out on stage on a bicycle. He said that Star Jones mumbled under her breath that he looked retarded riding out on the bike. Howard told him he should have said that he was set up to look like a retard by the show.
Howard gave Andy a couple of plugs for his CD and for the new TV show, ''Less Than Perfect'', that he's in on ABC. Howard said the show has gotten bad reviews. Howard didn't want to read the whole review but told him that he's one of the highlights of the show. Andy told Howard he believes that this show can become a hit. He said it has to warm up a little bit though.
Howard plugged the new CD and Andy told him that it features the song he performed on the show called ''Little Brown Ring.''
Howard tried to find out what happened with his ex-girlfriend who he was trying to get back the last time he was on the show. Andy said he's got an agreement with her to not talk about the relationship. They've also agreed not to talk to each other anymore.
Howard played a cut from Andy's new CD called ''Love Ninja'' which was pretty weird. Howard said ''It's no 'Little Brown Ring'...''
Howard talked to Andy a little more about the new TV show and about what happened to his MTV show. Andy said the MTV thing just died.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Andy and introduced him to his girlfriend Beth. Andy also told a story about how big his penis is before Howard ended the interview.
Howard had his girlfriend in already so he had Robin's Mr. X come in and Artie's girlfriend Dana come in. He spent a few minutes talking to each of them. Mr. X was in a costume to disguise himself. Even Howard's not sure why that is though. He said it was like the mask from the movie ''Scream.''
Double A was also allowed in to stare at Beth. Howard was afraid that Double A would freak her out and scare her but Beth said it was fine if he sat in for the whole game.
After talking to everyone, Howard took a commercial break so they could send the women off to a sound proof booth. When they came back Vinnie Favale from CBS took over as host. He had three questions for the guys. He asked them the questions and then brought the women in to match up their answers. Here are the first three and their answers:
After that Howard took another break so they could send the guys off to the sound proof room while the girls answered their questions. When they came back Vinnie asked the girls their questions:
They replayed the tape of Beth's answer and she started to say ''Oil and vinegar'' but cut herself off saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' Gary said the audience was against him already and they were calling in to complain. Howard said that it's obvious that vinaigrette is the same as oil and vinegar. They continued to argue for another 5 minutes about the ridiculous question. Howard refused to accept that he was wrong. It was all over the definition of vinaigrette.
Howard offered to give the money to Artie and Dana but they refused to take the winnings also. Howard eventually blamed Vinnie for not getting a definitive answer from her.. but he really did because she made it clear it was ''vinaigrette on the side.''
Robin was actually crying in the middle of the game because it was so sad that they weren't getting any of the questions correct. They blew every one!
Howard continued to argue over the way the game was played. After hearing the playback of Beth's answer, he thought that she said ''oil and vinaigrette'' before saying ''vinaigrette on the side.'' They asked Fred what he thought about the whole thing. Fred said that oil and vinegar and vinaigrette are completely different so Howard lost the game. They also continued to bother Vinnie about why he didn't get a clarification on exactly what her answer was supposed to be. When Howard finally wrapped it up, no one was taking the money. They were still arguing about it right up until 9:20 or so.
After the break Howard said that Robin should have kept quiet during the game because Dana changed one of her answers thanks to her. The question about the physical feature thing threw a wrench into the whole thing because Dana was going to say that Artie's weight was the one feature that he doesn't like. Robin told her to be more specific. If she hadn't done that she may not have said ''stomach'' and would have gotten that one wrong.
Howard took a call from a chef who told Howard that a vinaigrette's definition is ''oil and vinegar mix'' so it's the same thing. He was saying that it should mean that Howard won on that question. Howard figured that it was just the fact that no one could stand that he and Beth won the game. They continued to argue for a couple more minutes about it.
Howard said that his General Manager Tom Chiusano was asked by Mr. X if he should wear the mask or not. Good ol' Tom told Mr. X that he should wear a mask. Howard said he didn't understand why he'd do that because his audience would want to see Mr. X, not a guy in a mask. He said out of everyone he was pissed at Tom the most for telling Mr. X to wear that ridiculous mask. He said you couldn't hear what he was saying. Tom said that's part of Howard's ''schtick'' and he thought it would be funny.
Howard took a few phone calls after the arguments and then let Robin get to her news. Howard was still refusing to take the money from Artie for the game.
Gary said that Scott DePace from E! watched the tape and pointed out that it was Vinnie who helped out Dana with her answer about what part of Artie's body he wouldn't like. Howard also took a call from Jessica Hahn who told Robin that whenever Howard wins something, no one is happy for him or accepts the win. Howard was also still complaining about Tom Chiusano telling Mr. X to wear the mask he was wearing. Howard and Jessica continued to argue with everyone. Jessica kept saying that Howard won and everyone agreed with it but it was still a controversial win because of that one question.
Stuttering John claims that after the show yesterday Robin told him that Howard actually lost the game. Robin said they were just having fun in the green room and joking around.
Dominic Barbara called in at one point to get in on the conversation. Howard let him talk for a short time but changed the subject and told him to talk about his fall into the East River. Howard heard about this story a couple of weeks ago. Dominic told the story but it was lame. He quickly said that he was trying to step on his boat that was at a dock. He slipped and fell into the river. People then yelled ''Free Willy!'' according to some witnesses. Howard said Dominic told the story better the other night. He cut him off and hung up on him.
Howard continued his arguing with Fred for a while. He was also saying that he would have given Artie and Dana credit for a question like he got. He said the game was about how well the couples knew each other, not about exact answers.
Vinnie Favale, who hosted the game, called in to talk about the game for a little while. He said the vibe in the room was really negative toward the end of the game. Fred and Howard were still arguing too. Fred hasn't spoken this much in years. He and Howard went at it for a couple of minutes. Fred was also complaining about Vinnie's hosting and how no one seems to like him as the host. Vinnie told Fred he loves him and didn't seem to understand why Fred was going after him. Howard wrapped up the conversation and said that everyone hates him.
Howard told Fran that he's mad at her for not warning them about 9/11. She claims that she did tell some people about it though. Robin wanted to hear tape of her telling people but she didn't have any.
Howard had Fran sing them some predictions. Fran played her guitar and sang her predictions. She predicted that Howard will do another movie called ''Howard Stern's Sex City'' and it will feature Howard, Beth, Robin and Tony. She sang another prediction that says the country will attack Iraq and they'll find Osama bin Laden there. Howard found both of those pretty hard to believe. Fran then sang her third prediction. She said once we get bin Laden, between now and December, the stock market will shoot back up.
Howard asked Fran to predict the next big celebrity to die. She said that it will be a close call between Liz Taylor and Bob Hope. She also gave a couple of other quick predictions. Howard then gave her a plug for her web site SingingPsychic.com.
Artie said that he might not make it to John's party because he might have a comedy gig with Bob Levy. He said he could blow it off but he probably wouldn't.
Howard said that he heard that the only person not invited to John's party was Robin Radzinski from E!. Howard had Robin come in and she said she thinks it may have been an oversight. She said John's wife may be upset at her because she walked out halfway through the play that she put together. John said that she must have forgotten to invite her. She can't imagine she wouldn't invite her. Howard had to take another break so he wrapped up the conversation.
After interviewing Brian Howard was going to play Brian's appearance on The Tonight Show which didn't go that well. Howard ended up playing a Captain Janks phony phone call that he played yesterday. He then got Janks on the phone and spoke to him for a minute. Janks said he made a new call but Howard wasn't ready to play it yet. He told Janks he'd play it later in the show. Janks played one of his other calls as Howard was getting ready to hang up. Janks said you can hear his calls by going to KOAM.com.
Howard moved on to talk about how Gary and Stuttering John will be appearing on the new ''Hollywood Squares'' soon. Howard explained how they've tried to get him to appear on the show for years but he always demands to be paid. The show tells him that they don't pay their guests, they give to their favorite charity instead. Howard said since he doesn't do it, they go after other people on the show like Jackie the Joke Man. They recently contacted the show and tried to get Gary and Stuttering John to do it but Gary wasn't into it. After thinking about it a while they decided it might be funny to have them appear. Gary told Howard they'll be on for the ''Dynamic Duo'' week. They'll be on with people like Alec Baldwin, Dom Deluise and Paula Abdul. Gary told Howard they'll be shooting their week of shows this coming Saturday and the shows will air during the week of November 11th to the 15th.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about some other stuff and taking phone calls. He took one call from Shuli who brought up the FOX TV show ''Celebrity Boot Camp.'' The guys spent a few minutes talking about that show and how weird Kato Kaelin was on the show. Shuli then brought up the E! show featuring Devin Devasquez trying to kiss Howard. Howard told Shuli he had to make a decision about whether or not he wanted to risk ruining his relationship with his girlfriend by making out with a Playmate. He also asked John and Gary about what they would have done. Gary said he'd love to have both Beth and Devin. Shuli asked the guys a couple of other questions and had the guys talking about yesterday's Nearlywed Game and their girlfriends for a while. Howard also said he thinks the fans can't wait to see Artie's girlfriend since they've never seen her on the show before. Artie said they probably want to see Beth more than Dana. Howard said that she's been on the show already and Dana hasn't.
Howard came back from the break and played a bunch of voice mail that they've gotten. Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro had a woman with him and called KC's voice mail to leave him a message. The woman said she wants to come on the show with him sometime. Gary came in and said he heard from Jeff's manager who said he just did his first appearance recently. He ended up missing his ride and got kicked out of his hotel room for making phony phone calls to the other rooms in the hotel. The guy is a mess.
Howard played a bunch of other voice mails from various people who have a lot to say about nothing. This one guy who calls in all the time was complaining about Houston the Porn star being a pig. Then there was this woman who always calls in and bad mouths Howard on the voice mail. She went off on him for a minute.
Howard said they got a lot of e-mail about the Nearlywed Game. Howard said they also got a lot of voice mail about the Devin Devasquez thing too. Howard played one voice mail about how all of the guys on the show are fags.
Howard said this guy Jay just sent him a copy of his will and he's named in it. Howard said when the guy dies he'll get almost $200,000. He said the copy was notarized and official. Howard said the bulk of his estate goes to other members of his family but Howard will get some of it. Howard read from it and said that the word demise was spelled wrong. At first Howard thought he was just getting $50,000 but as he read through it he saw that it's actually $146,000 plus another $51,000. The guy told Howard he has had a good, debt free life and has thought about doing this before. He figured Howard would just dismiss it and ignore it though. Howard said Jay is welcome to come on the show any time.
Howard said they canceled a guest they had scheduled. The guest said that Earth was in danger of being thrown off of it's gravitational pull because of the size of Jerry Lewis' head. Howard said he had to cancel the guest because he couldn't take it seriously.
Howard had George give us some of his secrets about how to do this. He claims that if you use his technique, you can win about 78 percent of the time. He has all kinds of rules for how much to bet and how to go about it. He went through a bunch of his rules and advice with Howard. He also said you have to set a goal and stick with it. He said his goal is to win $4000 when he sits down. He said once he makes that amount, he gets up and leaves. He said you have to leave for about 3 hours before trying it again or you'll end up spending it. Howard said he likes the way this guy plays and the rules he had.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for George and one guy wanted to know how come George was stumbling when Howard asked him how he made his money. The caller said that he doesn't believe that this guy makes money playing Black Jack.
One of George's rules is to bet using a ''2-1-2-3-4-5-6...'' system. He said what you do is bet two times the tale minimum first. Then you go back to 1 time. So if the table is a $5 minimum, you bet $10, then $5 then $10 then $15, then $20. When you lose, you go back to 2 times. When you win, you go up from 2,1,2 to 3,4,5,6 etc until you lose. Then you go back to 2. There were a couple of callers who said that system just doesn't work. They said the odds are that a system like that just can't work. George said he's been doing it for years and he's demonstrated it to people who have seen it first hand. He told Howard about how he showed the system to some guys and they saw it work.
Howard wrapped up the interview and gave George a couple of plugs. You can find out George's secrets in his book ''Blackjack's Hidden Secrets, Win without Counting'' which can be found in bookstores or on George's web site BlackjackNoCounting.com.
Howard also spent a few minutes talking about the loss of ''Son of the Beach'' and how it seems to be done now. He had been talking about trying to get another network to pick it up but he said there were some complications with that and it doesn't look like it's happening. He said that Tim Stack did get and offer to make a movie out of the sitcom and Howard said he's interested in that so maybe someday we'll see a ''Son of the Beach'' movie. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the people at FX and how they dropped the show to use the budget for other shows so they can try to become ''the next HBO.'' Howard said he doesn't understand why they'd do that when they could use ''Son of the Beach'' to develop other shows since it was getting very good ratings for them. Howard announced the other day that he's going to keep an eye on all of the new shows FX develops and he'll keep track of their ratings and the money they spend on them. He says he'll report that stuff to his fans.
Howard and Robin started to do the news but Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know if it's considered cheating if a guy and a woman other than his wife masturbate together without touching each other. Howard told him it is cheating. He went on to talk about how he doesn't pleasure himself at Scores when he goes but he has had accidents in his pants because he was so excited at the club.
Cabbie was on the verge of tears a couple of time while Howard was talking to him about this stuff. Cabbie said after the Psychiatrist incident he went home and yelled about this stuff with his girlfriend. He said he feels really bad about that and he just doesn't know where all of this stuff comes from. He said he doesn't even believe it's him when he's yelling. He almost broke down in tears when he said he had yelled at his girlfriend last night.
Howard told Cabbie he really needs to get back on his medication as soon as possible. Artie tried to help and told Cabbie not to fall off the wagon during this time. He said he can relate to his problems because he's been in a similar situation.
Cabbie said he knows he has to get back on the medication but he has to wait until tomorrow morning for the appointment with the Psychiatrist. Stuttering John said that he has a guy who can hook him up with any meds he might need.
Howard wondered if Cabbie is going to be okay until tomorrow. He seems to think that he won't go off on his girlfriend or anything.
Ralph called in and said that Artie went to a shrink one time and some cops showed up with an ambulance and ended up taking him away. Artie explained that a little more before Howard got back to Cabbie.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Cabbie about his problems. He tried to calm Cabbie down by telling him everyone there is his friend. Howard told Cabbie he had to finish the news but the conversation continued when a Psychologist called in. This woman told Cabbie he really should try and get an emergency appointment at a hospital as soon as possible. Cabbie said doing that won't work. He pushed it off until his appointment tomorrow even after Howard and the Psychologist begged him to get an appointment today. The woman on the phone said ''this is bad'' after hearing some of the stuff Cabbie was talking about. She said that he should call the V.A. Hospital and get an appointment immediately. Cabbie refused to do it and said even if they gave him medication today, it would take like 30 days to get back in his system. He said if he went to the emergency room in the state of mind he's in, they'd do what they did to Artie and lock him up. Howard finally ended the discussion when he took a commercial break.
Howard just found out from Ronnie the Limo Driver that it's National Breast Awareness Month so he'll have to do something about that.
After taking a commercial break Howard played some voice mail they got from this annoying woman who calls in every day and comments on how bad Howard looks. Artie said he's tried to figure out what the woman looks like. He and Artie think that she's some ugly, fat chick. Stuttering John said that she calls like 20 times a day. While he was in he told a story about how much Artie likes the Yankees. He said that he once canceled a comedy gig he had so he could go to a game. And the money for the gig was really good according to John. He also said that Artie was offered a part in and upcoming ''Celebrity Mole'' reality TV show but he turned it down because he's got Yankees tickets during the time they're shooting it.
Howard changed subjects and said he watched ''Celebrity Boot Camp'' and loved it. He and Robin spent a few minutes discussing it. Howard said he thought that it might be funny for them to do the show but when he thought about how they're treated, he changed his mind. He said that they feed you what they want and keep you up for 36 hours. Howard said he wouldn't want to do that and be sick for a month afterward.
Howard spent a short time talking to Artie about turning down the ''Celebrity Mole'' gig. Artie said it was good money but he has the Yankees tickets and doesn't want to miss any games. He said he'd get 2 weeks in Hawaii and around $20,000 for doing the show. The Yanks are more important to him.
Howard said he was surprised that Tracy Bingham was able to hang on a pull-up bar longer than anyone else in the ''Celebrity Boot Camp'' show. He ended up saying that he wants the E! guys to set one up in the studio for tomorrow morning so he can try it with the other guys. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary can probably hold on longest since he's part monkey.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy brought up ''Greg Brady'' or Barry Williams who was humiliated on the ''Celebrity Boot Camp'' show. Howard said he can't figure out what motivates Barry to do shows like that. He said the show producers must go through celebrities trying to get some big names but they end up with people like Barry Williams who are the only ones willing to do it.
Another caller told Howard that last night's ''The Bachelor'' was great. Howard didn't see it but said he thinks this season will be good because the women are hotter than last years women. He said the bachelor does everything and looks good. Howard continued to talk about the show and some of the women who are on it. It sounded like he was reading from something as he mentioned each woman's name and what the bachelor did with them. Howard said the best part of the show is the fact that the women just met the bachelor and they know him better than Robin and Mr. X know each other.
Howard played a voice mail from a guy who complained that E! blurred Devin Devasquez's porcelain doll's boobs when they aired it. He wondered what kind of channel does stuff like that. Howard said the guy is right.
Howard brought up the football pool they started last week. Some guy called in and left a voice mail complaining that they stole his idea to have Artie bet on some games on the air. Howard just laughed after hearing the voice mail. The caller said he wanted a chance to play for the $25,000 grand prize. Howard said they didn't steal anything from the guy.
Howard brought up Tom Chiusano's broken hand and how he broke it punching his suit that was hanging on his closet door. They talked about that last week. Howard then played a voice mail they got from ''Tom's Suit.'' This guy called in as Tom's suit and warned Tom not to mess with him again or he'd have his golf clubs kick him in the groin.
Howard played a new ''The Onion Radio News'' bit. The one he played was a pretty funny phony news report about a son complaining about his father's dying wish to have some lilacs planted next to a house. The son said that it's not a dying wish, it's a ''dying chore.'' Robin didn't think the bit was all that funny. Howard said he was on the fence about it so he decided to play it anyway. Check TheOnion.com for more phony news stories.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this guy Walter Anenberg who died recently. The guy created TV Guide. Howard read some stuff about him that he found interesting so he brought that stuff up.
Howard said that Fred is in this new movie that just came out on DVD called ''Cold Hearts.'' He had a clip from the movie even though it was kind of hard to hear. Fred and a woman are on a beach talking and you can barely hear anything. Fred said he's the vampire uncle of this woman he's talking to on the beach. Howard said he wanted to hear Fred talk since he barely talks on the show.
Howard changed subjects and talked about General Manager Tom Chiusano and how he's been cutting back on the work force at the station. Howard heard that Tom actually asked K-Rock Program Director Steve Kingston to take a pay cut. Howard spent a short time on that subject.
Howard took a call from a guy who offered Howard a bulldog. Howard was talking about getting one recently. He said he got a call from model Sandy Taylor who has a couple of bulldogs. She told Howard she loves them and they make great pets. Howard said he's not going to get a dog until after February. He doesn't want to deal with that until after vacations and the winter are over. He also said he wants to see the breeder and the parents of the dog he gets. He said he'd take it now but he's trying to be patient. He said he's going to do some research and just hold off until early next year sometime.
Howard said there was also an article about a study that was done about the size of men's feet and the size of their penis. They found that there is no way to tell the size of a man's penis by the size of his feet.
Howard said that all of the stuff they talked to Anthony Hopkins about the other day has found its way to all of the gossip columns. He talked about that for a short time and then goofed on Charles Grodin. He had tape from 60 Minutes 2 with Grodin rambling on about the Mets sucking this season but not making any point.
Howard killed some more time talking about some other stuff that was in the news today.
Howard played the Jamie Farr interview and he asked the question about what he's done for the victims of 9/11. Farr said he'd rather leave questions like that to other people to answer. He didn't seem too pissed even after he told Gary he wasn't interested in answering his questions.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that he had a good night with his girl last night. He also had some advice for Dan. He said someone told him when he was growing up to walk the golf courses and just pick up golf balls. It's good exercise. Howard told him that this was coming from a guy sitting outside of a psychiatrist's office... but he really should just start walking to get some exercise.
This guy John from Bally Total Fitness called in and said they'd set him up with a trainer to get him into shape. Howard thanked the guy and Dan sounded pretty excited about it. He put Dan on hold so they could hook the two of them up to get him started on his training.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about this commercial Artie read for during the last commercial break. Howard said Tom Chiusano asked him if it was okay for him to do but he'd already made the deal. Howard said he prefers that the guys don't do commercials like that because people need a break from them during commercials. Howard said that he doesn't want the guys to do them anymore. He told Artie he didn't want to take money away from Artie but he doesn't want him to do them. Artie told Howard not to worry about it because it wasn't that much money anyway. Howard put the word out to Tom that it's just not happening anymore. He was hoping that Tom would use his best judgement but his best judgement always lets him down. Tom came in and said he agrees with Howard about overexposing the guys on the show and he didn't think they were doing that with Artie. He said this was a special occasion for some reason. Howard told Tom that he's a genius about that stuff and he should listen to him. Tom just laughed when Howard called himself a genius. Howard joked that Tom had to do the commercial because the advertisers threatened to send over a leisure suit to beat him up. (He was referring to Tom punching his suit and breaking his hand.) Howard also told Tom they have to talk about what they've been bleeping on the show lately. Even Tom seemed to agree that some of the things they've bleeped shouldn't have been.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Richard Jeni before getting to Robin's news. Jeni said he finally got his first death threats. He made a joke while he was on ''The View'' recently and told a joke about why he hates flying since 9/11. He said he hates the racial profiling ''...and the guys wearing turbans on his airplane.'' He said after that he got many death threats and people calling him a faggot.
Howard said yesterday he was walking around the station and came across an Asian woman who looked like Lisa Ling from ''The View'' so he said hello to her. After she left he still wasn't sure if it was her though. Howard also talked about how when he sees a white guy with an Asian chick he thinks that it's the kind of guy who just can't get a white chick. The guys spent a few minutes goofing around with that stuff and then got to the news.
To find out where Richard Jeni is appearing, visit RichardJeni.com
Howard wanted to tell everyone what they were doing on the show today but Gary was out and KC didn't give him the list of what they had going on. KC came in and said he thought it was done the day before like it usually is.
Howard said he caught up on a lot of TV that he hasn't watched yet. He watched the first episode of ''The Bachelor'' and loved it. He and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about the show. Howard said he watched ''Friends'' and that was good. He also watched ''Survivor'' but fast forwarded through the challenges that he doesn't care about. Howard said he liked the ''crazy black chick'' who is accusing another guy of coming on to her. Howard said she was a pig and it seems like she really wants guys to come on to her.
Howard said the chicks on ''The Bachelor'' aren't really that hot this season so it makes it great because they're all crying over him. He said that the women are yelling and freaking out over the guy and they've only known him for an hour. Howard talked about the women that the bachelor picked to keep around.
Howard had Captain Janks on the phone with a new phony phone call. Janks called the FOX news channel after some shootings happened down in Maryland. Janks told the news anchor that the suspects were seen being tea bagged and shrimped by Howard Stern. Howard had to know what ''shrimped'' meant since he'd never heard that term. Janks explained that it refers to two gay guys curling up together like shrimp and using straws to suck their loads out of each other's asses. The guys had a hard time explaining that for the air though.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered who the winner of ''The Nearlywed Game'' because there was some controversy over it at BetOnSports.com weren't sure who to pay the bets to. Howard said that for the betting they have to go with Howard because he would be considered the official winner.
Gary came in a little late this morning. He came in around 6:20 and told Howard that he was actually there since the show started but didn't want to come in. Gary said he had to take the train in for some reason. He changed subjects and told Howard that Anthony Hopkins' publicist called him yesterday and said that Hopkins heard Howard talking about the article that came out about his interview the other day and he doesn't mind them at all. He also wants Howard to hang out with him out in L.A. The next time he's out there.
After taking a break Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that Howard get a dog from a shelter. He's been talking about getting a dog in the past couple of weeks and he's getting all kinds of suggestions. Howard told the caller that he's not going to get ''someone elses mess'' by getting a dog from a shelter. He said he wants to raise it from a puppy so he knows what he's got. Another caller said she's got a dog that she has to get rid of. When Howard heard it was a male he told the woman that he doesn't want a male dog. Howard also talked about not wanting to pick up dog crap. He said when he had his dog Java he would pretend to pick up the dog's crap but he'd just leave it there on his neighbor's lawn. Stuttering John came in and said he never wanted to do it either but after the first time it's no problem. Robin asked what happens when the dog ''has a problem.'' Howard said Beth once saw that happen with a bulldog and it was hot and steaming. Howard said he'd just leave it and just pay the $100 fine. Fred told Howard that wet food will do that to dogs. He told Howard to never feed his dog wet food.
Howard was thinking that he'd have to bring the dog to the studio once in a while. He said that Benjy suggested that they train the dog to take women's clothes off for them. Robin was hoping that Howard wouldn't be one of those people who brings his dog everywhere. Howard said Robin will probably end up getting a dog of her own once she sees him with one.
Howard took some more phone calls and ended up talking about Superman for a while after a caller asked him where Superdog, Supermonkey, Supercat and some other ''Super'' animals came from. Howard wasn't quite sure about where they came from. He was under the impression they all came from Krypton but may have come from the miniature village of Kandor. Howard also mentioned that the TV show ''Smallville'' has been pretty good so far this season but it's already falling into it's usual pattern of telling the same stories over and over again. Howard ended up getting aggravated talking about all of that stuff so he hung up on the guy who called in with the question.
Another caller asked Howard if he's ever tied up a woman in bed... before he dated Beth. Howard said he did do that and explained how he did it. He was dating someone out in L.A. and knew he was going to do it so he packed some neck ties. He said he told her he was going to do it ahead of time. He went on to explain how he went about the tying up. He said it took him like 15 minutes to tie her up because he didn't want her to get out but she couldn't be hurt by it. He said she was laughing at him because of the way he was tying her up. Howard told her she was going to suffer for that. He got her tied up and told her he wasn't going to do anything and walked out of the room. He said he was really excited about it but had to make her freak out about what he was going to do to her next. As he was telling this story the guy who called in and asked about it cut him off and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Artie thought it was a pretty abrupt halt to the story.
Howard got sidetracked for a minute when he said that Robin asked him if there will ever be a black bachelor on ''The Bachelor'' TV show. Howard said he doesn't think it will happen and he probably wouldn't watch if that were the case. He said he just doesn't think he'd be interested. He said he doesn't dislike black people but he doesn't think that he'd be interested in that. Howard said he'd watch it if it were a black guy and all white women though.
Howard got back to his tying up the woman story. He said he went into the room with a pair of scissors and cut off her bra. He then cut off her panties so she was completely nude and spread eagle. He said he ''checked her oil'' a few times and she was getting excited. He then took a candle and poured hot wax on her chest and nipples. The caller wondered who the woman was but Howard didn't want to say. Howard went on to describe what else he did. He said after spanking her a bit and pouring the wax on her he tickled her. He said she hated it so he did it for about 15 minutes on and off. Then he used a vibrator on her and started to give her oral when he realized he was doing all of the work. He untied her after that so she could touch him.
The caller with the game was still there so he quizzed Howard on some murderers. He told Howard and Robin about a crime and asked if it was a white guy or a black guy. The game sucked so Howard bailed out of it pretty quick and took another break.
Howard said he and KC were in the elevator with some cute sales girls the other day and they couldn't take their eyes off of KC. Howard said that sucks because they don't realize how dumb he really is.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to bring his bulldogs in to show Howard. He told the guy to just bring down everything he has after talking to him for a few minutes.
Stuttering John's surprise birthday party is tonight but John knows about it because Robin's Mr. X spoiled the surprise the other day. Howard and the guys were talking about bringing gifts and stuff and John told them they don't have to bring anything. Howard said Beth is going to get him something so Howard is happy that he doesn't have to shop because he doesn't know what to get him. Howard said he was just going to get John a bottle of champagne or something but Beth said that wasn't a good gift. Howard joked that they were going to give John photos of Beth since he's so obsessed with her. John said that they have to be nude photos.
Howard also brought up Scott Einziger's upcoming wedding and how he's got to get him a gift. He said he's not going to that wedding. It's out in L.A. and Robin is going but not many of the other people on the show are going. Howard said he has another wedding to attend and that's why he's not going. Howard said he's got another friend who is getting married in Europe. He said he doesn't want to go to that one either. Howard said he doesn't want to go to any other country. He said the farthest country he'd go to is Hawaii.
Howard said he doesn't think Scott and Maya's marriage will last because Scott is already planning to go to Scores less than 2 weeks after he gets married. He's been staying in touch with Ronnie the Limo Driver since he left E! and went to work for CBS on ''The Amazing Race.'' Howard said Scott is flying in on a Saturday, going to Scores, and flying back home the next day. Howard seems to think Scott is making a big mistake with this marriage and he doesn't think he's not very well thought out.
Howard changed subjects and gave a shout out to Perfect 10 magazine. He just got the new issue and said the women look great this issue. Howard said there were a few issues where they had some European women with ''misshapen heads'' and Howard didn't think they were that hot.
Howard took a call from a woman who told Howard the rabbit he saved a few months ago was doing just fine and had gained some weight. Howard said he went to visit the guy who took the rabbit at Petland and he wasn't working there anymore.
Tabitha said she was having problems after her last nose job so she had to have that fixed. She also had botox injections to get rid of some wrinkles in her forehead.
Tabitha said she's gone through a lot of pain with this stuff but Howard said it's worth it to be a hot chick.
Tabitha said she's quit the porn business. She said she's 32 and it was time to get out. She said she owns a video store and she can make some good money with that. She said she hasn't even danced at clubs for about 4 years.
After taking a break Howard did the football pool picks (below) and then brought in Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro (JeffTheDrunk.com). Jeff was drunk and in ''rare form'' according to KC. As soon as he walked in he dropped his beer. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him and let Tabitha sweet talk him a bit.
Howard said someone sent him a list of Jeff's latest driving offenses so he went through some of that. Jeff eluded police by driving through some corn fields and stuff. Howard asked him about that and got the whole story from Jeff. He only has one good arm because of a car accident he was in back in 1986. He told Howard he was driving home from work, where he stamps hands at a pool, when the cops decided to pull him over. Jeff couldn't get though his story. He told Howard he didn't have a seizure like they said he did earlier in the show. He said he'd taken a hit off a bowl and that was it. Apparently he was just coughing.
Jeff got back to his police chase story and told Howard what happened. He ended up running from the cops and into a corn field. He said he told the cop he was taking a short cut to the store when he drove into the corn field. He wasn't able to talk his way out of the offenses he was charged with.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that 3 offenses in the state of New York would make it a felony so he may be in big trouble. He goes to court next Tuesday.
Jeff sang a song for Tabitha and Howard wrapped up the interview a few minutes later.
Howard told everyone to visit Refrigerator Perry's web site TheFridge.net. If you buy enough stuff on the site he'll personally call you.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the woman who brought Dax down to the studio. She said that he's pretty out of control when he's off the leash. Howard wanted her to just let him go to see what he does. He eventually gave up on that and ended the segment. He then got back to Tabitha Stevens and Jeff ''The Drunk.'' (see above)
Actor Steven Baldwin also called in to talk to Kathy. He had some nice stuff to say about her but Howard didn't let him stay on all that long. The two of them are supposed to do a celebrity version of ''The Mole'' together. Steven was telling Howard that he's a big movie producer now and he was wondering how to get in touch with Howard to send him a script. Howard hung up on him as he was asking. Kathy thought that was pretty rude but Howard didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker who was on the phone waiting to play his game. Mike spent a few minutes talking to Kathy about how she keeps copies of all of her tabloid stories on her refrigerator. Kathy said she actually laminates them and puts them up.
Here's how the Gossip Game works... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a couple more minutes with Kathy but she had to run off to do something with Vinnie Favale from CBS. Vinnie is working on a new ''Jump the Shark'' TV game show and Kathy is going to be on the pilot. They shoot today at 11:30 so Vinnie wants her there early. He thought she was going to be sitting in on the news today so he didn't think she'd get there on time. Howard told him she wasn't sitting in on the news so she wouldn't have been late anyway. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that before wrapping up the segment.