Gary came in and told Howard that he had to hear a story about Artie. Stuttering John came in and said they did a big show down in Philly on Friday night. He said that Artie ate a two cheese steaks before they left within about 2 minutes. He grabbed two more for the limo ride back to the city. In the limo were producer Sam Simon and Artie's girlfriend Dana. He ate the cheese steaks and ended up having the limo pull over because he had to puke. Artie said his girlfriend was a little upset with him. He said it was just that he ate too fast. John thought it was funny because this big producer Sam Simon was in the car with him at the time. Artie said he attempted to have sex after that but Dana said ''Are you kidding?''
Stuttering John told some other stories about going to a strip club with Sam Simon and how they almost got kicked out for no good reason.
Howard bragged that he was having sex with Beth in front of his dog Bianca this weekend and the dog started to cry when he mounted her from behind. Howard said it was weird but he liked having someone watching.
Gary came back in a couple minutes later and said he got some more stories about Artie from Sam Simon. He told Gary that Stuttering John told Dana that she shouldn't be upset with Artie if he just pukes once in a while. John said that was true but he changed the subject and said the sounds Artie made while he was puking were pretty funny. He did an impression of the puking sounds and said he was working on the impression as soon as he heard it. Artie said that he asked John what time he was going to bring this up on the show Monday morning, ''6:01 or 6:02?'' Gary said John wanted to tell him about it at 5:40 this morning but he was working on something and it had to wait.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to get rid of this guy Double A who calls in because his calls just suck. Howard had Double A on the phone so he put them on together. Double A defended himself and tried to tell the guy that his calls aren't that bad and he shouldn't be kicked off the show. Howard let the two of them go at each other for a short time. The guy said that people like Melrose Larry are the calls he should allow through, not Double A. After the arguments Double A was asking Howard if he could drop off his Beth O calendar for Howard to give to Beth so she could autograph it. Howard didn't really want to do that though. He likes Double A and all but he doesn't want to go through a whole thing with the calendar.
Melrose Larry Green called in a few minutes later and defended Double A. He also had a bunch of clips to play for Howard. He mentioned that he had a clip of Al Gore from Saturday Night Live that he wanted to play. Howard ended up talking about how sad it is that Gore has decided not to run for President in 2004. Howard also ended up talking about Trent Lott and the controversy that's been surrounding him lately. Howard said he doesn't believe that the statement he made that's causing all of the controversy probably had nothing to do with what everyone is saying it meant. Howard said he believes that the guy is being railroaded. He said he knows that he's probably guilty of disliking African Americans but this statement may not have had anything to do with that. Melrose ended up playing a clip for Howard that he didn't want to listen to. It was a long rambling clip that Howard just gave up on. He hung up on Melrose during that. Howard was about to take a break when he said he has this model Moet coming in to get tickled in the tickle chair. He ended up talking about that for a short time. He read some of the notes about her and found out she sells pictures of herself on her web site for $3500 each. Howard said she's really hot and looks kind of like Jillian Barberie. He went on her web site and read a statement she has on there that was kind of creepy. There's some flashing banner that flashes ''buy, buy, buy'' over and over again. Howard checked out some of the pictures and then took a break.
After the break Howard said the best gift he gets every year is the fruit of the month thing that he gets from Tom Chuisano and his wife. He spent a couple of minutes on that and then said he saw Rob Schneider's new movie ''The Hot Chick'' and he thought it was really funny. He said he was laughing his ass off during some parts of it. Howard said he thought it was going to be really dumb but it turned out pretty good. He also went to see ''Star Trek: Nemesis'' and liked that also. He said it could have been an episode of the old TV show instead of a movie though. Robin pointed out that the crew in the movie don't do the TV show anymore though. Howard read through the top movies for the weekend. Jennifer Lopez's ''Maid in America'' was number one at $19 million and Star Trek was right behind it with $17 million. The third movie was ''Drum Line'' which made $13 million. Howard and Gary talked about that one for a short time. Gary said he can't wait to see that one. Howard said he'd go see that one too. ''The Hot Chick'' and ''Die Another Day'' only made about $7.5 million each. Howard said ''The Hot Chick'' was a low budget movie so it might be considered a hit.
Crazy Cabbie called in and told Howard to get a full sized printer that will print out 11x8 inch pictures instead of the portable printer he'd been talking about earlier. Howard said he'd check it out but he didn't want to go do the store that Cabbie recommended. Cabbie said he has the same camera that Howard does and he just has to plug the camera into the printer and it prints them right out.
Howard changed subjects and said that he got an emotional phone call from Cabbie last week and when he tried to call him back he wasn't there. Cabbie ended up getting all emotional after all of the info about his birth mother and the rest of his family finally sunk in. Howard said he started laughing after hearing the message but he did call Cabbie later. Cabbie thanked Howard for finding this woman so they could reunite them. Cabbie wondered if Gary had any new info about the woman or not. Howard said he hadn't heard anything new from Gary yet. Gary came in and said he's going to call her today to find out if she's willing to come in for a reunion or not. Gary said he didn't want to bother her over the weekend. He said he wanted to let it all sink in so she can make a decision.
Howard got off the phone with Cabbie and said he thinks Dominic Barbara may have been right when he said they should have a therapist in the studio when Cabbie meets his birth mother.
Frequent caller Shuli called in and brought up Sean Penn and his trip to Iraq. Howard went on to read a story in the paper about him going over there to preach peace to the people over there. Howard said Penn has had his ass kissed so much over the years that he now thinks he's important. Howard said that what Penn doesn't understand is that Saddam Hussain doesn't care if he's a movie star or not. He said they'll just look at him as another rich American over there. Howard spent some time joking that Penn is able to cure people over there with his phlegm or just a touch. Howard continued to goof on the guy for a few minutes.
Shuli changed subjects and asked Howard who he thinks will spend the most on holiday gifts for the people on the show. Howard said he thinks Robin will be the one who spends the most. He said that Robin thinks of the people on the show as her family. Shuli also asked Howard was the worst gift he ever got was. He said it was the grooming kit that Gary got for him from The Sharper Image. Howard said it had a nose hair trimmer, a tiny comb and a small pair of scissors that were useless. Howard said he tried the nose hair trimmer but it was horrible and it just yanked his hair. He said that he has a Panasonic nose hair trimmer that he likes. He said he also remembers another horrible gift he got one time. It was a blue night light for his daughter Ashley. Howard talked about what he said to Jackie after that nightmare. Shuli also remembered that Jackie gave them a polyester suit for the baby. You're supposed to give them cotton clothes so they're no as flammable. The guys talked about some of the other gifts that people have given. Howard talked about how Stuttering John bought him beauty products one year. Howard said Doug Goodstein gave him a really nice money clip and gave John a really nice watch this year. The guys said that Doug always spends a lot on his gifts. Howard said he doesn't want anything from Artie this year. Last year he got a Neil Young lithograph that he can't hang anywhere. Artie said when the artist dies it'll be worth a lot of money. Howard said he's saving the painting but he can't hang it anywhere. Howard said he has a painting of a naked woman on the wall in his bedroom now. He explained how he got that and how he can't take that down. He said it's not a hot chick either, it's a normal, fat chick. Gary told Howard that E! is handing out gifts today so he should be expecting one soon. Howard said he doesn't want any gift certificates like the other guys were getting. Howard said his girlfriend would love to get a Louis Vatton hand bag but he doesn't understand that. Stuttering John said he was going to get his wife one but they're like $2000. The guys asked Howard if he started tipping his doormen yet. He said he hasn't started yet but those guys know he's good for it. Stuttering John ended up defending himself after talking about how people think he's rich because he's on TV. John was talking about stuff that he's produced for the show. He said there are jokes, bits and other things that he's produced for the show and Howard doesn't even realize it. Howard always says that John only answers phones there. John said he hates that and it really bothers him. Howard said the main reason John is there is because he stutters. John mentioned a few other things he's done over the years for the show. Howard said he did like 3 things over the past 15 years that were worth mentioning. John got the focus off of him when he asked Howard what he tips his doormen. Howard didn't give an amount but said that he treats all of his doormen equally. He said he has to tip his building's maintenance workers too. That led to the guys talking about all of the other people they have to tip. Gary said he tips his personal trainer and the Poland Spring delivery guy. Artie was surprised to hear that he tips his personal trainer.
Gary also said he did a family portrait for his Christmas cards this year and it looks really gay. Howard said he has to get a copy and put it up on his web site.
Howard said his girlfriend was taking the dog for a walk the other day when he came home so he snuck out and followed her. He ended up seeing Beth with a guy in the park and went up to them to find out what was going on. It turned out to be a photographer who Beth hired to take pictures of his dog for Christmas. Gary said he still couldn't get the image of Howard banging his girlfriend from behind with the dog watching out of his head.
Howard was going to take a break but Gary said he was ready to kill Sal the Stockbroker because he was trying to talk to the contestants for the World's Meanest Listener contest but Sal just kept goofing on him the whole time.
Howard brought in Sam Simon who was sitting out in the green room this morning. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Sam about his hot girlfriend who he may have broken up with. Sam said his girlfriend sold her engagement ring and moved back to her home town. Sam said that he's still in love with her though. He told Howard that they were in therapy together and things weren't working out. Howard and the guys spent some time talking to Sam about how much he's worth because of the money he made from ''The Simpsons.'' Howard asked him how he managed to get so much money from the show. Sam said he helped create the series but he didn't create the cartoon. Sam said that when Jennifer Tilly, his ex-wife, heard about the cartoon many years ago, she advised him not to do it. Howard pointed out that Sam doesn't have anything to do with ''The Simpsons'' these days, he just watches them. Sam said he doesn't even watch it these days. He said he left the show after 5 years for various reasons. He said he had no idea that the show was going to go on as long as it has. He said it can go on forever because the characters don't age and there are so many different ones there. Howard wondered if Sam gets a piece of the action for the merchandise they put out. Sam said he sold his rights to the merchandise for ''low seven figures'' but he's happy with the amount of money he's made from the show. The guys continued to try and get some numbers from Sam about how much he's actually worth.
Stuttering John said Sam was telling his wife all of the different shows he has worked on over the years and it was pretty impressive. Artie also pointed out that for his college reunion Sam sent in his 1040 tax form and his girlfriend's centerfold for the page in the Alumni page. He said that he also wrote ''I'm making this and I'm banging this.''
Howard brought up a story about Sam where he got news that Danny Devito had died but it wasn't true. Howard said after a few days he still hadn't seen any news about his death so he got suspicious. Sam said that he got a call from Heidi Pearlman after 9/11 and she was crying so much that he couldn't quite make out what she was saying. He eventually told Howard he made a mistake and didn't think that much of it. Howard said he felt like he was a Hollywood insider for a while after getting this info and not seeing it on TV.
Howard had Sam Simon in too so they were talking to him quite a bit. Howard eventually got around to the contestants and gave plugs to the companies that have helped out with the contest. Howard said you can vote at GoldenPalace.com.
Howard spoke to Chris Pellegrini first and played his roast where he's playing the part of Howard's ex-wife's new husband thanking Howard for everything from the house to Java the dog. Howard spoke to Chris for a short time and played his second entry which was Howard talking to John Stamos and eventually banging him. Howard said that Tom decided to bleep out the word ''ass'' in that bit for some odd reason. Howard ended up getting all pissed off and freaked out that Tom was messing with his show again. They've been playing these bits for weeks now and all of a sudden Tom wakes up and starts censoring them.
Howard moved on to the second contestant, Yucko the Clown. He played Yucko's entry where he roasted Howard. Howard got a good laugh out of that again. Howard had him sit down after that and then took a call from a woman was upset about one of the entries.
Howard moved on to Brian Burn and played his entry where he roasted Artie. Brian said he really does hate Artie too. He called him a ''nig*er'' in the bit as well as a few other things.
Next up was Jeff Cohen who did the repeating ''nig*er'' bit where it went on for a full minute and then ended with a ''coon'' at the end. That was his entry for Robin. Gary said that he had a conversation with Tom over the weekend and he didn't think it was a good idea to play it in light of the Trent Lott controversy. Gary said Tom also said that it wasn't clear as to who the entry was about. Jeff said that it was directed at Robin but he'd like to take back the ''coon'' part because it's offensive to raccoons.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched that she wasn't in the finals.
Howard moved on to Mike Davidson who was in disguise this morning. He was dressed as Jesus for some reason. Howard spent a short time talking to him and then played his bit where he plays the part of Artie's dad talking to Artie's girlfriend Dana.
A bunch of people called in and said they weren't able to see where they're supposed to vote on GoldenPalace.com. Howard was told that it was working though.
Howard moved on to Derek Sativa who is a comedy writer. He made a crack about Artie and Sam's sitcom before Howard played his entry. Derek's entry was the ''Artie's Fat'' song parody to one of Eminem's rap songs.
Next up was Unnamed Contestant. who roasted Robin. Gary said he was one of the scarier guys in the contest. He also claims that the show saved his life. He said he was really depressed in the past and the show helped him get through his depression. He talked about how he's not a good looking guy. Yucko took that and started goofing on him relentlessly. Unnamed Contestant then admitted that he hasn't been with a woman yet. He also claims that after reading Robin's book 3 times, he stopped hating people. Then Howard played his entry where he calls Robin a ''big fat nig*er.'' Unnamed Contestant said he never thought he'd get this far in the contest. Howard took a call from a guy who said the pop up window issue has to do with the browser people are using.
Howard moved on to the next contestant who is the only female in the contest. Pamela Demerest is her name. Howard spent a short time talking to her and then played her entry which was a roast of Robin. She said she didn't do the Robin impression though. That was a friend of hers. Her entry was the Robin ''No Talent Celebration.'' Pamela said she doesn't really hate Robin. She also felt bad after meeting all of the entrants.
Howard took a break and came back after commercial to finish up with everyone else. When they came back from the break Howard said that Yucko and Mike got into a little bit of an argument during the break. Yucko was pissed that Mike was in a costume for some reason. Yucko thought that being in a costume was an original idea that he was using so the two of them got into a little fight. The two of them went at each other a little more before Howard got to the rest of the contestants.
Howard moved on and played Richard Butters' entry. Richard played the part of Artie's dad while he was on a respirator. He then goes off on Artie and bashes him about being fat and stuff like that.
Howard then had Sal the Stockbroker's entry. Sal rapes Baba Booey in his clip and you hear a monkey screaming during the rape scene. After playing the clip Howard said that Tom Chiusano took out the words Rape and Bukkake from Sal's entry. He didn't spend too much time bitching about it though.
Last but not least was the Reverend Bob Levy and his vicious roast of Robin. Howard played the clip and then asked Bob if he feels any guilt after roasting her. He said he feels no guilt at all. Howard also asked him how long it takes to write something like that. Bob said ''...after the first two nig*er jokes..'' the rest comes easy.
Howard thanked everyone for coming in and told everyone that they will be back tomorrow for the final three announcement. The three people who get the most votes on GoldenPalace.com will be in the final three. Howard thought that after that they had the listeners vote on the winner from those three but Gary told him that they have a final 2 after that and then have the listeners vote on the winner.
Later in the show Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that Pamela had to have been cheating somehow because she somehow managed to get 24 percent of the votes and she wasn't even that great. Howard told him that she can't be cheating and if she is then he should do whatever it is she's doing to get in the votes for his favorite. After that Howard complained that Tom set this whole thing up the wrong way. He said that Tom shouldn't have had the percentages up there because it won't be a surprise if people can see the way the votes are going. He wanted to make it a big surprise for tomorrow but now people will know ahead of time. Howard said he never wants to run stuff like this on someone else's web site. He wants full control over it so nothing like this can happen again. He said he doesn't have a problem with GoldenPalace.com, just with the way Tom set up the whole thing.
Howard came out of break and said before they got to news he had to see some hot chicks since he hadn't seen any all morning. Howard said that Moet was really hot and some of the guys were going nuts over her. When she walked in Howard told Sam Simon that his new girlfriend had just walked in. Howard said that Moet isn't naked on her web site but she charges $3500 for photos of herself. Moet said she has artwork on the site that she sells. When Howard and Sam heard that they looked at each other and just laughed. Howard checked out her breasts and asked her if they're real or not. She claims that they are real. Howard talked to her about that for a short time and then had her get into a bathing suit and told her she has to get into a bikini and get in the tickle chair to get plugs for her stuff. She went and got changed. Meanwhile Artie moved to the couch where Sam Simon was sitting so he'd have a better view of the tickling.
Moet came back in and the guys said she had a great body. She said she's been having nightmares about this tickling thing for weeks since she was booked on the show because she's so ticklish. She was laughing as she was being strapped into the chair. Howard said she was strapped in really tight so she couldn't get out of the chair. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her before starting the tickling. She wasn't answering some of his questions fast enough so he had Tickle Master Stuttering John tickle her. She screamed out and laughed each time he touched her. She got in a couple of plugs for this documentary DVD she has. Howard let her talk about that but got bored with it and had John tickle her more. She asked for a ''time out'' at one point but the guys said she can't do that. Howard and the guys asked her a few more questions while she was still in the chair and John would tickle her once in a while. Howard asked her if she's ever kissed another girl before. When she said she hasn't, John called her a liar and tickled her. She eventually complained that John was hurting her the way he was tickling her. Howard tried to get her to say that she was a filthy little whore but when she wouldn't, John tickled her.
Howard wrapped up the tickling and talked to Moet about this documentary a little more. She said she did interviews with people who have never been famous and said that they're pathetic. She said she did it when she was 18 years old and got some famous people to appear in it.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for her and let some people complain about her before wrapping up the interview. He also had John tickle her a little more.
After the break Howard played a holiday message from a phony Dennis Miller. Artie thought it was pretty funny and asked who it was that did the impression. Howard didn't give the guy's name and just said it was someone they've used in the past.
Howard killed some time talking about the transit worker's strike that was supposed to happen but luckily didn't. Gary came in and broke it all down for Howard to let the guys know what it was that the workers were going to strike for. He said it's basically $1000 per worker. He said they wanted a 24 percent raise but they eventually dropped it down to 6 percent. Howard and the guys talked about how their raises at the station are never more than 3 percent because that's the cost of inflation.
Howard read a story about how Liza Minelli is suing the company Howard works for because her reality show never aired even though they shot 60 hours of stuff. She apparently believes that she deserves $23 million for her trouble. Howard read another article about Liza being out drinking and weeping at some restaurant. Howard read through the article and it said some people were denying the drinking and crying part of the story.
Howard said he read a story about Snoop Dogg and how he just saw ''Spider-Man'' and now he wants to play a super hero in the movies. He's thinking of playing the part of ''Super-Nigga.'' Howard said he'd produce that movie if Snoop is serious. Howard said he'd go see that in a minute, he wouldn't even care if it was good or not. Artie and Howard had some fun with ideas for the movie. Howard put the word out that he's willing to get involved in this movie. Howard continued to goof around with ideas for the movie throwing in all kinds of bad stereotypes. Howard said instead of having a Lois Lane, they'd have a Loberta Lane. Instead of glasses as a disguise, he'd have a do-rag that would fool everyone. Howard thought about this for a couple of minutes and said he wasn't sure if he'd make it funny or make it serious. Artie told him it would probably have to be funny. Howard threw in a bunch of other stereotypical black dude stuff and goofed around with Artie for a couple more minutes. The ideas they were coming up with sounded like they'd make a pretty funny movie. Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard Pryor did a bit called ''Super nig*er'' and he wanted to play it for him. Howard had a feeling it was filled with curses so he couldn't play it though. Howard asked the guy a couple of times if he knew if there were curses in it but the guy didn't seem to be paying attention. He eventually said there may be cursing in it so Howard told him he couldn't play it and got off the phone with him.
Howard moved on to talk about strip clubs in New York City and how they're going to court over the ban on them. Howard read an article about how a lot of the adult entertainment stuff in the city is in danger of being banned from certain areas. Howard said he can't imagine living without Scores around.
Howard also brought up the Trent Lott story again and spent a short time talking about that. He and Robin talked about the reasons for him being railroaded out of his position.
Robin brought up the fact that Phil Donohue's show was saved over at MSNBC even after they said they were going to cancel it. She said they just added an audience to it to try and make it like his old talk show.
Melrose Larry Green called in and had tape of Trent Lott being interviewed on the BET network. He played it and Howard wondered how he gets that stuff quicker than they get it. Howard spent a short time goofing on the whole thing doing an impression of Lott and making up stories about how he's going to try and get along with African Americans. Melrose then played tape of Jesse Jackson talking about this situation with Trent Lott. Howard thanked Melrose and didn't hang up on him. He even wished him Happy Holidays before getting off the phone with him. Artie said he loves when Melrose thinks that Howard has hung up on him during a clip and gets back on the phone with his ''Hello?'' Howard spent a short time goofing around a little more with the Trent Lott thing and then took another break.
Howard came back from break and played that Richard Pryor ''Super nig*er'' bit that the guy called in with earlier. It was pretty clean for a Richard Pryor comedy bit. After that he moved on to ''Stump the Booey.''
Howard moved on to the game and did some plugs for the sponsors of the game. Howard played the first song so Sam and Gary both wrote down their answers. They both got it right with Robbie Nevel's ''Sa La Vie.'' Howard played the next song and both of them got ''Funkytown'' by Lipps Inc. Howard asked Sam how he's so good at this. He said he watched MTV from a very early age and has seen most of these videos. Howard moved on to the next song and Sam missed it. Gary got it right with ''Games People Play'' by the Alan Parsons Project. Howard played the fourth song and Sam seemed stumped again. Howard said Gary had it down within seconds. Both of them ended up getting it right with ''He's So Shy'' by the Pointer Sisters. Sam had one last chance for Gary to screw up so Howard played the fifth song. Sam got it right so Howard had Gary give his answer which was off a little. He wrote ''Hold Me Tight '' instead of ''Hold Me Now'' by the Thompson Twins. Sam was still in it at this point. Gary said he knew the right answer but wrote it down too quick. He admitted he made a dumb move. Howard said he had to invent the rules from this point. They decided to have a tie breaker until someone wins. Howard played the sixth song and both of them wrote down their answers. Both got it right with ''I Just Died In Your Arms'' by Cutting Crew. Howard played the second tie breaker and Gary got it pretty quick. Sam was stumped. Sam got it wrong when he said ''If I Could Fly'' and no artist. Gary knew it and more facts about the song than most people should know. He gave the right answer of ''Into The Night'' by Benny Mardonez.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he hasn't gotten any songs wrong since they've been playing this game. Howard wanted to liven up the game a bit by having the guy bring down $500 to play against him. Gary then said he'd rather have a hot chick come down to get naked. He also added that she should have $250 in her hand. They're going to try and set it up for this Friday. The guy said that his sister is pretty hot.
Howard gave Sam a couple of prizes just for coming in even though he didn't win the $5000 grand prize. Howard then wrapped up the segment and took another break.
Howard said Wendy the Retard was supposed to sing a holiday song for them but she fell asleep on the phone. Howard put up her call and you could hear her breathing as she slept. Howard wondered if retarded people dream retarded dreams. He put her on hold and said maybe she'll be awake later to sing the song.
Howard announced what they'd be doing today. He said the 8 who are eliminated win nothing. The person who does win this contest gets $25,000 and a new Dodge Durango. Howard asked the guys if there was anyone who thinks they can't win. Jeff said he doesn't believe he has a chance. Howard then had Chris Pellegrini step up to the microphone. He played his clip and then kept Chris in suspense and then broke the news that he was the first loser. He got 14 percent of the vote. Robin wanted Howard to kick him out of the studio since he was a loser. Howard had Yucko up next. He played his clip and then informed him that he was one of the final three. He kept Yucko in suspense for a few seconds before breaking the news to him. He received 20.2 percent of the votes on GoldenPalace.com. He said he'd be roasting KC Armstrong later on in the show. Howard moved on to Brian Byrne. He played his clip and then broke the bad news to him. Brian was yet another loser in the contest with only 1.6 percent of the votes. Next up was Jeff Cohen. He did the ''nig*er'' over and over and over again roast of Robin. Howard played that and then told him that he was yet another loser. Howard and the guys repeated ''loser'' over and over again. He got only 2 percent of the votes. Howard then moved on to Mike Davidson. He spoke to him for a few seconds and then played his roast of Artie (as his dead father talking to his girlfriend). Howard then informed Mike that he was another loser. He got 3.1 percent of the vote. Howard said ''Good bye'' to Mike and then moved on to Derek Sativa. Howard played his bit and told him that he's also a loser. Derek got 3 percent of the vote. Howard moved on to Unnamed Contestant next. He spent a short time talking to him and then played his roast of Robin. Unnamed Contestant also had a few words to say about Gary being an asshole to him yesterday. He had a few issues with Gary that he wanted to clear up so Howard let him talk to Gary for a few seconds. Gary denied having done a few of the things Unnamed Contestant was saying so he ended up apologizing to Gary about that. Howard then played his roast and informed him that he was a loser. Unnamed Contestant got 7.2 percent of the vote. Not bad compared to some of the other entries. Artie cracked a joke about being frightened of him but he was probably just kidding.
Howard took a break before getting to the final four announcements. After the break Howard spoke to Pamela Demorest who was the only woman in the finals. Howard played her roast of Robin and then informed her that she was another one going to the final 3. Pamela was apparently rocking back and forth as she waited for Howard to give her the news. She had 20.8 percent of the vote which beat out even Yucko. Yucko made a couple of cracks about her and her baby. He said he hoped that it died from crib death. Pamela defended herself and the two of them went at each other for a few seconds. Howard moved on to Richard Butters. He played his roast of Artie and then informed him he was a loser. Howard brought up Sal the Stockbroker and Reverend Bob Levy next. He had only one spot left for the two of them. He played Sal's entry first where Sal rapes Baba Booey who is a monkey screaming like it's being killed. Howard spoke to Sal for a few seconds and Gary asked him how long he's been out of work. He said it's been a long time. Howard then moved on to Reverend Bob Levy and played his roast of Robin. Howard kept the two of them in suspense for a few seconds and then told Sal he was a loser and Bob Levy was in the final 3. Sal only ended up with 6.7 percent of the vote. The Rev. ended up with 19.9 percent. It's going to be a close call for the next vote.
Howard took a call from a guy who complained about Pamela who he didn't think was all that great. Howard and Robin told the guy he had his chance to vote yesterday. Howard said that the three finalists would be performing live in the studio next. Howard took a few more phone calls and wondered why Sal was still at a microphone. Sal went nuts yelling for a second but they took him away. Another guy called in and complained about Yucko being in the final 3. Here's the final vote results with the final 3 highlighted in blue:
Howard had Yucko go up to the microphone and do his live roast so the audience could figure out who to vote for. Yucko went on to roast KC Armstrong. He had a bunch of props with him to help out during the roast. Yucko made a bunch of gay jokes about KC in his roast. He went nuts with his plastic penis on KC and wrapped up in under a minute. Howard then moved on to Pamela roasted Howard and cracked some jokes about him and his girlfriend. The Reverend Bob Levy was up next. He went off on Robin with his roast. He made more racist and fat jokes about her in his minute long roast. He was hilarious and had Howard and Artie cracking up with some of his jokes. Howard wrapped up the segment and Gary said the final 3 will be back tomorrow to find out who the final two are. Go to GoldenPalace.com now and vote!
Before Steven came in Howard said he didn't know that he just wanted to talk to him about dating actress Charlize Theron.
Steven came in and talked to Steven about his album which isn't quite finished yet. Steven said that their record company is pissed too. He told Howard that they built their own recording studio to do this album so that delayed them quite a while.
Steven said that it was good to see Howard again because he doesn't get a chance to listen to him much since he's a rock star now. He said he recently crashed his motorcycle and while he was in the hospital he got to listen to Howard after not hearing him for a while. He said that Howard has changed but in a good way. He told Howard about that before Howard got around to the Charlize Theron questions.
Howard asked Steven what Charlize was like. He said that she was a great person but they never got to see each other since he was on the road all the time. He said she's the one who broke up with him because he'd never break up with such a great person.He went as far as to say that she has no flaws at all. He said they went out for 3 years and the just realized they had to break up. Howard tried to find out details about their sex life but Steven didn't want to talk about stuff like that. Howard tried over and over to get the info out of him but it wasn't happening. Howard threw in a couple more questions about Charlize Theron toward the end of the interview. He just wanted to know how long it took before he was able to bang her. Steven said that it took months. Howard also wanted to know how great it was when he finally did get her but Steven wasn't giving details like that. He started to give Howard a strange answer about how he's ''...a guy and she's a woman...'' but Howard didn't like that answer. He continued to question him about Charlize and all of that.
Howard took a call from Double A who asked if they ever had any other celebrities in their relationship. Steven wasn't talking and tried to get off the subject. Howard took a few more phone calls and let a few people ask Steven questions.
Howard world premiered Third Eye Blind's new song ''Palm Reader'' on the show this morning. Steven told Howard that the rest of the album isn't done yet. He said the album will be called ''Out of the Vein'' and should be out in March, 2003. Steven told Howard about the recording studio the band had built and why they did it. He said they wanted an older, bigger sound to their music, not like the stuff that's all digital these days. After playing the song Howard wrapped up the interview.
Howard continued to try and find out why Robin won't go to any parties. He asked her if she's alright and she said she's not. She said she's not doing any kind of socializing at all. Artie asked her if he invited her over to his place for a small get together, would she go. She told him ''No!'' and said she's going to no one's party. She told Howard it's personal and she's just not talking about it. Howard asked her if she's pregnant or something. She joked and said that she is but she's really not. Gary came in and asked her a bunch of questions trying to figure out what the reason was but that didn't work either. Howard figured out that part of the reason is that she doesn't want to say no to some people about going to their parties. She said it's not really that but she just decided that she just has to say no to them all.
Howard changed subjects and talked about Robin Radzinski from E! and her plans for Christmas vacation. She's going to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro and then to safari in the Serengeti and then to Zanzibar to go diving. Howard said that doesn't sound like much of a vacation though. Howard told Radzinski that she's going to see some ''real blacks'' over there. Stuttering John said it sounded more like work than a vacation. Howard spent some time talking to her about climbing the mountain and whether she's prepared for that or not. She said that it's not the climb that kills you, it's the altitude. She said even a big, fat smoker could climb up but might die from the lack of oxygen at the summit. Artie heard that and asked her if it's true a big, fat smoker can climb the mountain. Radzinski then asked him if he wanted to go.
Howard got back to Robin and her ''no party edict'' and told her she was nuts. Nick DiPaolo finally showed up too.
Howard mentioned that Nick will be on Colin Quinn's ''Tough Crowd'' show on Comedy Central all this week. Gary told Howard that Nick has been in some controversy on that show already. Nick said that he used the word ''fag'' on the show and then the next night went back on and said he wanted to apologize to the queers for calling them fags. He said they cut that out of the show though. Howard moved on and had Robin do her news after that fun piece of information. Nick stuck around and joked around with some of the stories Robin read.
Howard said they're also going to have Insane Clown Posse and Debbie Gibson on the phone at the same time talking about an album they might be working on.
Howard replayed a voice mail message he got yesterday about a camel toe sighting in this week's Entertainment Weekly. Jennifer Aniston is showing some camel toe in a picture. Howard and the guys checked it out yesterday. Howard played a voice mail from High Pitch Erik who just shot a porn movie with Katt Klevage and saw Joey Buttafuoco out there. Erik says that Joey isn't ready for the Nicole Bass fight because he's smoking like 7 cigarettes. Howard said there are a lot of things wrong with that call and pointed them all out. Artie then said that Erik prank called him when he was out in L.A. recently. He said he pretended to be Adam Carolla but Artie recognized him immediately. Howard said his favorite call is Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com) calling High Pitch Erik and goofing on him. He played that call and got some laughs out of that before taking the first commercial break of the morning.
After the break Howard said a bunch of people were out late after the show, but not him. He then brought up Robin's no party edict. They talked about that late in the show when Howard asked her if she was going to the company Christmas party. Howard said his hair dresser Toni asked him what was going on with her. Howard has no idea what the reasons are because Robin isn't talking. Robin said she heard that someone wrote an e-mail and said that she knows that the Al Quaeda is going to attack and she doesn't want to be around any big crowds. Robin said she just isn't going to any parties for the rest of this year. Robin told Howard that he's made crazy decisions like that in the past so she should be able to do the same. The two of them went back and forth for a couple of minutes. Howard then moved on to talk about last night's company party. He said they had it at the Hard Rock Cafe and all of the food was fried. He doesn't eat stuff like that so he was very aggravated as soon as he got there. Gary said that Howard immediately said that the party was ''so low rent'' and complained that Tom didn't make it a classy party. He said he was ready to leave as soon as he got there. Gary said that most of the people were hanging out in a really small area and it looked like that's where the whole party was. It wasn't that small but that's what Howard thought when he got there. Howard and the guys talked about all of the fried foods that they had there. Howard said he found some carrots and munched on those for a while. After a while Howard gave up, borrowed Artie's phone and tried to call Beth. He couldn't get hold of her. He saw Tom there so he confronted him about the food and asked him which of the fried foods he should eat first. Howard said he was in a ragged out mood and he just had to get out of there. He ended up finding a table where they had turkey so he got a plate of that and sat down by himself and ate. Howard said that was the party for him. He said a couple of the guys from the Hard Rock came over and talked to him for a little while. Howard said that their sales guy, Frank Flores, came over and talked to him for a while. Howard said they talked for a while about personal stuff and then a bunch of other people like Booker, Matt Pinfield, Steve Kingston came over and hung out for a while. Howard mentioned some of the other people who came over and talked to him while he was eating. They ended up talking about the old Christmas parties that were so great. The guys shared a couple of those stories before Howard got back to last night's party. Howard said the turkey was really good over there. He said he was talking to the new head of the radio division about personal stuff for a while but then he started talking business and drove him right out of the party.
Artie said his reaction to the party was completely different than Howard's. Artie said he walked in, saw the food and said ''Wow! Fried food!'' Howard talked about this guy Booker who is dating Jennifer Lopez's sister Linda. Artie said that Booker was the only one dancing to J-Lo's song ''Jenny from the Block'' last night. The guys continued to talk about the party for a while. Gary told Howard about the Karoke bar they had and about some of the guys who were singing. Howard also heard that some of the guys headed over to Scores after the party. Stuttering John said it was a Tuesday night though and they can't spend that much time there.
Artie brought up the fact that John is doing whip-its like a high school kid. John said he has a special affection for the whipped cream cans. John told Howard about the high and how it's the greatest high in the world. John told Howard about the technique he uses so he doesn't get whipped cream on him. John said he carries a can with him and spent like $50 on whipped cream cans at the bar last night. John said there's only one hit per can so they pile up quick. Artie said it looks like a Carvel ice cream store when he's done. KC came in and told John that the reason you get a high is because there's a lack of oxygen to your brain. John said it really is a great experience but then said he doesn't recommend anyone do it. John said he doesn't believe it's as dangerous as people say it is. He said it's like the sweet air you get when you go to the dentist. Howard asked John if he even knows what's in that can. John said he thinks it's nitrous oxide but he wasn't sure about that. Howard said he wants to see John do this sometime. KC asked him ''How old are you?'' and goofed on him a little bit. Howard asked him why he doesn't just drink. He likes the different highs though. Howard said he had no idea John was doing this stuff. KC said that you can go to the grocery store and just pop open the caps on the whipped cream cans. John said that there's a safety cap on them though. KC said he used to do that when he was like 13 years old.
Stuttering John said he did this when he was hanging out with Howard one time so he's surprised that he didn't know about it. John told Howard he didn't want to say when that was though because he didn't want to incriminate anyone.
Howard spent a short time finishing up the party story. He heard some stories about Mike Gange screwing up with the women last night. The guys told Howard that he was about to hook up with one hot chick and he ended up blowing it. Gary and John said they've heard that Gange gets at least one hot intern per semester though. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and told a couple of stories about stuff he saw going on and then Howard took another break.
After the break Howard said Stuttering John demonstrated his whip-its use for him. Howard said it was kind of sad seeing him do that. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard it's perfectly safe to do what he's doing. John came in giggling and did another one in front of everyone. He pointed out that Robin has smoked pot in her life and this is just another way of getting high. Robin was telling John how dopey he was for doing this stuff. John offered Howard a can but he turned it down.
Howard read some e-mail and said that a lot of people want to get in contact with the people who found Cabbie's birth mother for him. He said he got an e-mail from a guy who thinks the ''Stump the Booey'' game is fixed and there's no way Gary could know all of that stuff. Howard said he finds the fact that Gary knows all of those songs funny and they never fix any of the games they play.
Howard got an e-mail about that Jennifer Aniston camel toe sighting in Entertainment Weekly this week. The guy said it would make his holiday season if he knew which magazine it was in. Howard went on to read the e-mail about the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest. The writer complained that there were two professionals in the finals. Another writer said the whole contest is fixed. Howard said that people always end up hating the contests he runs. Some people are very happy that Sal the Stockbroker didn't make it to the finals. Howard read some of those e-mails and then read some about Steven Jenkins from Third Eye Blind who was on yesterday. A lot of people were upset with how boring the guy was as an interview. Howard said he was frustrated with the interview too but Gary told him that he was willing to talk about the stuff he wanted to talk about. Howard got some mail about Robin's ''no party'' thing and a bunch of other stuff.
Howard had Cabbie on the phone so he gave us an update about the reunion with his mother. Howard said they want to make it a great reunion show. Howard told Cabbie that his mother does want to meet him but she has reservations about meeting him on TV. She's not sure she wants to have her face shown on TV. Howard said he suggested that they can blur her face if she wants. Howard said they would also make it nice for her and Cabbie after the show so they can get to know each other then. Gary said she does want to meet Cabbie but her other kids still don't know about him. Cabbie didn't go to the company party last night so he explained why he didn't go. He can't drink and doesn't want to hang around with people who are drinking. Cabbie got in a plug for the Cane and Cabbie show before getting off the phone. Howard took another break after that.
The three finalists were Pamela Demorest, Yucko the Clown(DamnShow.com) and comedian Reverend Bob Levy (revboblevy.net). Each of them did a live roast on the air yesterday so people could decide which one of them they wanted to vote for.
Howard had a live studio audience in with him today. KC told him they had about 40 people in there. Artie said there were a couple of hot broads in the crowd too. Howard spoke to one of the hot chicks, Tracy, who said her ''sex partner'' got her to come in with him. Howard also spoke to Saida who was another hot chick. After saying hello to them Howard said that they're going to have the final two performing live in front of the crowd. He ended up talking about how he's going in for a physical today. He said he's been putting it off for a long time but Gary is always bugging him about getting one. Gary said he goes every year and gets checked out because he wants to know if anything strange is going on. The guys all talked about that for a short time before getting to the contest. Howard said he just doesn't want the ''thing in his butt.'' Howard said there are blood tests they can do now without shoving that pipe up your butt. Howard said he had an anal fissure one time and the doctor ended up calling him ''needle dick'' while he was on the table. Howard said he told that one a few years ago too.
Howard got off the ass talk and brought up Stuttering John's whip-its use. Howard had an article that someone sent him about what that can do to you. He read it on the air and got to the hazardous effects of doing it. It can cause heart failure and death. You can also suffocate by doing that. John pointed out that the key words in the article were ''highly concentrated'' and that he's not doing highly concentrated amounts. It can also cause hearing loss, limb spasms, central nervous system damage, liver damage and a bunch of other stuff. John didn't seem too worried about that stuff though. He just laughed as he heard what Howard was reading.
Howard finally got to the contest and talked about the contest and the prizes that are up for grabs. Howard then introduced the contestants. Yucko was up first. Howard introduced him and the crowd sounded mixed. There were some boos and some cheers. Yucko was in black face because he wanted to roast Robin if he got into the final two. He started bad mouthing Pamela as soon as possible. He complained about her getting her own green room because she didn't want to be near him. Howard asked him why he stinks. It turns out that he never washes his costume. He has puke stains, smegma stains and a bunch of other crap on there.
Howard introduced Pamela Demorest next and spent some time talking to her. Pamela said that Yucko ''challenges her commitment to take the high road'' and she doesn't really like him.
Howard introduced the Reverend Bob Levy next and asked him if he was ready to perform if he had to. He said he's ready and ''...unstoppable, just like Benjy going down steps.'' Howard asked Bob what he's going to do with the money if he wins. Bob said he's going to get his kid some stuff. He also says he might sell his Dodge Durango to Scott the Engineer if he wins. He said he's going to pay $35,000 because he's stupid.
Yucko really went after Pamela a few times before Howard got around to announcing the final two. Howard kept the suspense up for quite a while. He had the piece of paper in his hand that had the results. He said one of the three had a huge amount of votes while the other two were almost tied. Howard had Yucko stand up and asked him if he wanted to know if he was in the final two. He held him in suspense for a few seconds and then had him sit down. He said he wasn't ready to tell him yet. He then had Reverend Bob stand up. He did the same thing to him. He asked him if he was ready to find out. Bob said he wasn't sure if he was in the final two. Howard told Bob that he was in the final two and got 53 percent of the vote! Yucko and Pamela were in a close heat. Howard replayed Bob's roast of Robin from yesterday's show to remind everyone of what he did. His stuff was hilarious.
Howard had both Yucko and Pamela stand up next to each other. He said that one of them was in the lead yesterday but there was a surge at the end that got them in the final two. Yucko was just about to faint as this was going on because he was so nervous. Gary said Yucko really needs this money bad. Howard kept the suspense up for quite a while and wouldn't reveal the winner. He had Pamela step forward and told her that he had good news for her. He said she didn't have to stand next to Yucko anymore because she was a loser! Howard said he watched the voting going on all day and was surprised that Yucko surged ahead at the end of the day. Howard told her he was sorry that she was going to be flying home on a crappy flight.
Yucko took back the crib death comments he made yesterday to Pamela... Then he said he'd rather f the kid in the soft spot in his skull. Ouch!
Howard replayed Yucko's roast from yesterday's show. He roasted KC and did a great job with it. He ended up chasing KC around the studio with his giant penis at the end.
Howard said they had to take a break before having Yucko and Bob do their roasts. Yucko was ready to roast Robin and Bob was ready to roast KC.
After the break Howard mentioned the audience again and got some cheers from them. Howard said Yucko went after Pamela again during the break when she was leaving. He spent a short time talking to the Rev. and Yucko before having them do their roasts. Howard gave Levy the choice to go first or second. Bob chose to go second and let Yucko set the tone for the roasts.
Yucko, dressed in black face, was first up and ready to roast Robin. He got right into it and started roasting her with a lot of black jokes. He even sang a little song during the roast. He ended up saying the F-word at the end of his roast so the delay button had to be hit. We missed a little bit of the roast because of that. Howard said he had a rousing finish but he screwed it up when he cursed. Howard tried to tell the line that was probably censored out of the show. He said it went something like ''she took all the eggs out of her vagina to make a big nig*er omlet.''
The Reverend Bob Levy was up next. His microphone wasn't working at first but they fixed it quick. He roasted KC and did a lot of gay jokes. He killed once again and even threw in a joke about Howard at the end. He asked Howard ''What do Alison and Java have in common?... They're both rolling over for a new guy!'' Howard thought both of them were brilliant with their roasts.
Gary came in and said the voting will be open all day until tomorrow morning instead of cutting it off at night. No one will know the winner until tomorrow morning. Howard wondered what his audience likes more, the black jokes or the gay jokes. Howard asked the two finalists if they wanted to say anything to the audience before leaving. Yucko said the audience knows that he's the meanest listener and doesn't care about anyone or anything. Bob said life will go on if he doesn't win.
High Pitch Erik called in and made a dopey comment about hoping that one of them will win. Bob told Erik that one of them has to win and called him an idiot. Howard took a few other calls about the contest. One guy was sure that Bob was going to take the whole contest. Howard said we'll find out tomorrow. Howard spent a short time talking to Pamela and let her get a plug in for a short film she did that you can see on TwoMinuteHoliday.com.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she's voting for Yucko because she doesn't like Bob. A few other callers disagreed and said that Bob is funnier that Yucko. Sal the Stockbroker called in and said he's surprised that stupid clown made it to the finals... and Yucko too. Sal said he was going to vote for Bob so now Bob thinks he's going to lose. Head over to GoldenPalace.com and submit your votes!
Howard also talked about the company Christmas party a little more but just repeated a lot of the stuff he'd mentioned at the start of the show. He ended up talking to Robin about her revealing that she wasn't going to anymore parties for a while. The guys tried once again to get an answer out of her about why she has taken this position. She still refused to say exactly what it was that was keeping her from going to any parties. Howard said he figures that it has something to do with Fred and the party she threw for his wife and kid. Robin said he's wrong but he insisted that had to be the root of the problem. Robin finally revealed that part of the reason she's not going to parties is because of one particular person even after John asked her if that was it and she denied it. She would not say who that person is and then said she was teasing them about that. Gary even asked her if she and Mr. X were still together. She said they are so that wasn't the problem.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said his theory was that Robin was pissed off about getting in trouble when she brought Mr. X to one of the company parties that was supposed to be just for employees. Robin said that wasn't it either though. Howard eventually got off that discussion and brought in comedian Kevin Meaney.
As Kevin was coming in Howard mentioned that Kevin is married and has a kid. Robin said she thought Kevin was gay. Kevin came in and joked that he really is gay and having the wife and kid don't mean a thing. Kevin also talked about how people say he looks like Lou Costello. Howard thought he appeared as Costello in some movie or something. Kevin played along with that and said that he actually did play that part in a movie. He strung Howard along for a couple of minutes with that story and then broke the news that he was kidding about it.
Howard read that Kevin was once arrested in an airport so he had Kevin tell that story. Kevin went on to tell the story which was pretty interesting. He was going to fly back to L.A. from San Francisco after doing a charity gig up there. He said he, his wife and kid were all going through the security line when his wife set off the alarm for some reason. Meanwhile he and his kid went ahead and waited for her. While he was waiting he took out his video camera and shot some video of his child. Security saw him doing that and asked him to stop. He stopped but saw that his wife was still being strip searched. They had her lifting up her shirt and stuff like that. Then his daughter ran off and security wouldn't allow him to chase after her. She's only like 2 years old so he figured he had to run and get her before she disappeared. The guard blocked him so Kevin said he dodged back and forth and then took off and grabbed his kid. He went right back to where he was waiting though. When he saw that his wife was still being searched he yelled something out. The security guards then demanded that he turn over his video camera even though it was turned off and he'd erased what he'd taped earlier. Then, as they were getting ready to leave, Kevin said they overheard the security guard saying that Kevin had grabbed his gun when he ran to get his daughter. That led to the police being called and Kevin was handcuffed and put in the airport jail. He ended up breaking down and crying. The cop recognized him and actually hugged him and told him everything was going to be okay. The FBI showed up after that and that's when he found out the guard was claiming that Kevin grabbed his gun with two hands and yelled something like ''Double Down!'' Kevin said he still had his camera in one hand so he couldn't have grabbed the gun with two hands. That didn't matter to the FBI who told him he was heading to the county jail. Kevin got strip searched there and the cops had him lifting up his ballsack to inspect for weapons.
Kevin told Howard that he spent 10 hours in jail and the charges were eventually dropped. He talked about a couple of the guys he met in jail and stuff like that. He also told Howard that he's been banned from flying because he's had other incidents on flights. He was just kidding about being banned but he did have another story about tripping a flight attendant when he was trying to board a flight. The guy wouldn't let Kevin bring his carry on bag with him so Kevin somehow ended up tripping the guy. They eventually dropped those charges too.
Howard took a few phone calls for Kevin and spent a couple more minutes with him before taking a break. He had Kevin stick around to hang out during Robin's news segment after that.
Howard caught a whiff of something that smelled like vinegar in the studio. Artie and Gary also smelled it so they did a search to find out what it was that stunk so bad. Benjy wasn't in the studio so it wasn't him. A listener called in a short time later and goofed on his ''oil and vinegar'' and ''vinaigrette'' controversy from the ''Newlyweird Game'' a couple of months back. He asked Howard if the smell was like ''oil and vinegar or vinaigrette?'' Howard said the smell kept getting stronger and stronger too. Gary said they're hooked up to the ventilation system and strange smells work their way in there sometimes.
Howard changed subjects and talked about going to the doctor yesterday. He said he never really gets a physical when he goes to the doctor so this was a new experience for him. He said his parents never go to doctors for some reason. He said his mother broke her foot a while back and didn't bother going to the doctor. She let it heal at home instead. He said she's had some bad experiences with doctors in the past. He went on to talk about why he finally decided to go to the doctor. He said he's 48 years old and he sees people like Sharon Osbourne getting cancer so he wanted to go. He had blood taken which is something he doesn't like. He said he doesn't like being punctured. He said they then checked his heart, blood pressure and stuff like that. He said the doctor told him all of that stuff was good. He then had to pull down his underwear to get his package checked out. He said that the doctor told him he has the heart of a teenager and the penis of an infant. Howard said the doctor had to touch his package which he doesn't like because his balls are very sensitive. He then had to check his prostate. Robin thought that there was a blood test for that but it turns out there isn't. Howard said the doctor joked around with him about it and told him that it's a good thing he's in a good mood. Howard said he had to move his bowels before he went to the doctor and he didn't think the doctor was going to be going in there. Howard said he was really nervous about it and thought that the doctor was going to stir his lunch when he went in. Howard went on to describe how the doctor rubbed the lube on his glove and then smeared it on his ass to warm it up. Howard said he was laying on the table saying ''Oh Bob!'' as this was going on but it wasn't in a sexual way. He said it was like ''Oh Bob- Hurry Up.'' Howard said the doctor then had to wipe him after that because of the jelly. Howard said he then went in and gave his urine sample and wiped up the rest of the jelly himself. He said he still had to take a dump but held it in until he went over to visit his kids.
Howard said this doctor is a friend of his who he used to hang out with more than he does now. He said he hasn't seen the guy in about a year and just found out the guy had triplets with his wife. Howard said the doctor told him that he really should have a colonoscopy. Howard said the doctor told him it's better to have the colonoscopy than one of those virtual colonoscopys because it's more accurate. Howard said he convinced him to do it but now he has to do it on a day he doesn't have to work. Howard said they knock you out now and you're in and out in a half hour. He said the doctor told him he wouldn't feel a thing. Howard asked Robin what she thought and whether or not he should do it. Robin and Artie told him to go do it. They told him the drugs they'll give him to knock him out will give him a great high so he shouldn't worry about it.
Howard took some phone calls from people who have had this procedure done. The guys said the procedure wasn't that bad but they were pretty out of it after it was done. One guy said he got to watch the procedure as it was going on. Howard started having second thoughts after hearing some of the stories though. He started to think about how he'd be under anesthesia and people will be looking at his ass. Melrose Larry Green called in and said he had the procedure done and it was great. He didn't mind it. Tom Chiusano also called in and told Howard about having this done. He told Howard that they shoot gas up your butt and after the procedure is done, they put you in a recovery room and you fart uncontrollably while there are other people in the room. Howard heard that and said he really doesn't want to do it. Tom said he had no problems after the procedure either. Howard didn't sound too thrilled about the procedure after that story. Then Dominic Barbara called in to talk about the doctor since he shares him with Howard. Dominic said he's going in for the procedure next month. He and Howard spent a short time talking about the doctor but Howard ended up arguing with Dominic about how long he's been going to the guy. Howard then took his first commercial break.
After the commercial break Howard said they found out where the vinegar smell was coming from. It turned out to be a bottle of vinegar that Howard had there from a long time ago. It somehow fell over and spilled. Howard said KC cleaned it up with some type of cleaner that had a strong chemical smell that stunk up the studio more.
Howard got back to the colonoscopy discussion. Gary told Howard to just think about Mayor Giuliani because if he hadn't gone for one, he might be dead by now. Howard said the doctor also asked him about how much he's been drinking these days. Howard went on to talk about his alcohol consumption and how he gets lit on the weekends once in a while but doesn't do it that often. That led to the guys talking about Stuttering John's whip-its revelation during yesterday's show. Howard said he got a ton of e-mail about that story. He looked through his many piles of junk on his desk but had a hard time finding the mail. He eventually found it. He first read an e-mail from a guy who wondered why Howard went to dinner with William Shatner. The guy pointed out something interesting about how Shatner was talking about skin diving with Howard but when you think about the 911 call he made when his wife drown, he said he couldn't swim.
Howard read another e-mail from a guy who complained about Howard's complaints about the radio station's Christmas party. Howard then read some mail from people who had theories on why Robin won't go to parties anymore. One person thinks Robin is pregnant, one thinks that it's Howard that she doesn't want to be at parties with, one thinks that Mr. X dumped her ass and doesn't want to talk about it. There were a bunch of other ideas but none of them seemed to be right.
Howard finally got to the e-mail about John's whip-its problem. John revealed that he did a bunch of whip-its at the company Christmas party. He bought every can of Redi-Whip the bartender had there and inhaled the gasses from the can to get high. A bunch of people wrote in and complained about John's behavior. A lot of people seem to think he's either going to die or give himself brain damage doing this stuff. Stuttering John came in and said he doesn't plan on doing this stuff. He just does it after having a few drinks once in a while. John pointed out that Gary used to do coke but Gary said once he read about what it can do to you, he stopped. While he was standing there Robin said he had a booger hanging out of his nose. John picked it and wiped it on his nose. Gary said he didn't want to tell John how to run his life but there was a tissue right near him that he could have grabbed. Howard was grossed out by that and said it was disgusting. Howard ended up bringing up John's alcohol consumption and how he drinks way too much. John doesn't believe it's too much though. He said he drinks about a case and a half a week but that's not that much. Howard ended up getting fed up with John and kicked him out of the studio.
Howard read some more e-mail that he's gotten. People wrote in about Artie's sitcom and how there will probably be only 3 episodes. Another person wrote in about Cabbie's birth mother and asked Howard how he'd feel if someone came back and dumped garbage in his driveway he got rid of 30 years ago.
One e-mail was a complaint about Gary's big teeth. That led to the guys talking about Gary's choppers for a couple of minutes.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) from Steppin' Out Magazine called in and said he had an advance copy of Stuff Magazine's 10 hottest chicks edition and the list was ridiculous. There were women on the list that just don't belong there according to Howard. Gwen Stefani, Shakira, Britney Spears, Shannon Susseman, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jamie Lynn Seigler, Jennifer Lopez and Monica Belluci. Howard said a lot of those people don't belong on the list. There were a couple of names that Howard said he could see being in the top ten. There were a few names no one knew. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard replayed Yucko's roast of Robin from yesterday's show. Howard said after this contest he never wants to hear the ''N-word'' again because people are too comfortable using it. He then replayed Reverend Bob Levy's roast of KC from yesterday. He said that he might not want to hear the word ''faggot'' anymore either. Howard and the guys talked about the entries for a short time. Howard said he had a favorite yesterday but after listening to the bits today his pick was different. Robin said she was going with Yucko yesterday. Howard said he was with Bob Levy yesterday but after listening to the tape today, he was going for Yucko. Artie said he'd give the edge to Levy.
Howard said there were rules about this tape that Kevin has. Howard said they got a letter from Kevin that said he can't play the tape without him setting it up. He also has to get a plug in for his new DVD ''An Evening with Kevin Smith'' where he sits down for 3 and a half hours and does a Q&A with some college kids. He said it's pretty funny. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Kevin's and took offense to what Howard had said about him no being popular. Kevin joked and said that he wanted to thank his father for calling in. Howard took a couple more calls for Kevin and people defended him against the stuff Howard said.
Howard got to the clip and played the clip that Kevin sent them. It's actually from his movie ''Jersey Girl.'' Kevin said he wrote the lines but he might change them today because of the stuff Howard was saying about him. Howard spent a couple more minutes with him and took a call from Crazy Cabbie. Cabbie asked a question about Ben Affleck and the possibility that he wears a wig. Kevin said he doesn't wear a wig though. Howard told Kevin that he really does like him so he shouldn't be upset about the stuff he was saying earlier. Howard then wrapped up the call and replayed the clip of Ben and Jen talking about Howard in the movie. After listening to it again Howard and the guys thought the scene needed some music. Fred threw in a music clip he had and it actually worked. Howard said there are some movie scenes that don't need music and played a couple of porn clips to demonstrate.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if he's seen the pictures of Christina Aguilera in the latest Maxim magazine. Howard said he has seen them and likes them. He and the guys spent a little time talking about that. Howard said he likes that she's a dirty pig these days and likes that her album isn't selling because that means she'll be more dirty in the future. Howard said he gives her a year before she shows up in Playboy.
Cabbie called in and talked about why he gets all of the tattoos and how it's an ancient tradition to tattoo stuff like that on your body. Gary tried to find out what the big number 3 stands for on Cabbie's neck. He basically said it's his lucky number but didn't have much of a story behind it. Howard wanted him to tell a story about why that number is his ''lucky'' one but Cabbie got really defensive and asked Howard what his lucky number is. Howard said he doesn't have one. He continued to ask Cabbie why it was significant but he wouldn't give an answer. Howard and cabbie went back and forth for a couple of minutes. Howard just laughed at Cabbie though. Stuttering John came in and asked Howard if he's seen Cabbie's latest tattoo on his chest. Cabbie said it's a Navy thing but he was never in the Navy. Cabbie explained why he got it and it had something to do with him ''staying afloat in his life.'' That led to them talking about some of Cabbie's other crazy tattoos. He has a few of the seven deadly sins on his body. John was goofing on Cabbie a bit and the two of them sounded like they were ready to fight again. John told him to tattoo ''loser'' across his forehead. A short time later a Navy guy called in and told Cabbie the Navy tattoo he had on his chest has nothing to do with what he thinks it does. Cabbie said the artist told him otherwise. Howard asked him if he was happy that he has something tattooed on his chest that doesn't mean what he thinks it does. He said it doesn't bother him at all. Howard wrapped up the call and had Gary quickly go through some more Christmas cards. He got one from Kreskin, Donny Simpson (a DJ in Washington DC), Otto and George, Chuck Norris and his family and a bunch of others. Gary said a lot of bulldog owners have sent in pictures of their dogs too. Howard wrapped up the segment and took another break before getting to Yucko and Reverend Bob Levy for the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest results.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who kissed his ass a little bit. He said her call would probably prompt some negative calls but thanked her anyway. Another woman called in and told Howard that Gary could actually have his lip size reduced. She said that he needs to start over with his caps too. Howard took one more call before getting to the contest. The guy was complimenting the E! show that ran last night and how good it was.
Howard finally got to the ''World's Meanest Listener'' game and gave a run down of what went on before today. Howard said he knew the winner but didn't reveal it right away. Howard first introduced Yucko the Clown. He described his filthy clown outfit and then had him walk in. Howard said Yucko was very nervous so he spent a couple of minutes asking him about that. Yucko said he could really use the money and he's hoping he wins. Howard told Yucko that he thought Bob was better yesterday when they did the roasts but when he listened this morning, he thought Yucko was better. Robin liked Yucko both days. KC pointed out that Yucko hasn't cleaned his outfit in the 8 years he's been wearing it. Howard told Yucko that it doesn't matter what they think about who should win because the listeners are the ones who voted. Yucko said he and Bob Levy spent all night drinking together.
Howard introduced Reverend Bob Levy and had him come into the studio. He talked about the roasts and said he was going to replay all of their entries. Howard spent a short time talking to Bob about the contest and then replayed some of their roasts. He first played Yucko's roast of Howard and then tried to play one of Bob's entries but it wasn't re-cued. KC fixed that and then played Bob's roast of Robin that got him into the contest.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Yucko should win because he was the meanest of the two but he liked both of them. Howard said that the winner of the contest is ahead of the other person by double the votes. Howard said it wasn't even close. Howard kept the two of them in suspense for a little while.
Bob said that Yucko took a crap on a paper plate and wrote ''Good luck!'' it and left it at his door.
Howard played Yucko's second roast which was about KC. That got him into the final 2. Howard then played Bob's second roast of Robin that got him into the final 2. Howard said he's never seen so much hate and viciousness before. Howard then played the final two roasts that the guys did. Howard played Bob's final roast which was about KC. He then played Yucko's final roast of Robin. Howard said he didn't know what to say after that one. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Yucko was the meaner of the two but Bob was funnier. Howard and Robin said it was a tough pick because it was so close. Howard took a couple more calls about the guys and the vote was split.
Howard finally got around to announcing the winner. Both of the guys said they were very nervous about this. Howard told them that one of them would be winning $25,000 and a Dodge Durango. Howard said Gary was holding a giant check for the winner. Bob said he thought it was one of Gary's teeth. Howard asked the two of them if they thought they were the winners. They both thought it was very close and they both did very well. Howard said one of them would walk out a winner and the other would probably commit suicide. Howard said he doesn't care for either of them. Yucko said that he really would feel suicidal if he loses. Bob said he'd just go back to performing comedy at fire houses if he loses. Howard took a few more phone calls and let the listeners give their opinions on who they think should win.
Howard said he wore his clear glasses so he could look both of the guys in their eyes as he told them who won. Robin said that the good news is that they'll both go off and into the world of obscurity when they leave. Howard asked Bob if he brought a gun or arsenic with him today. He said he didn't so Howard told him he wouldn't need anything because he just won the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest. He said if he did bring anything he should pass it over to Yucko. Bob got 66 percent of the votes while Yucko only got 33 percent.
Howard had Gary Barbera from the Dodge Land store where the Durango was coming from. He congratulated Bob for his win. Howard then told Yucko he could go back to his cardboard box. Howard told Yucko that he actually won $4000 courtesy of LawCash.com. He was pretty happy with that. He said he was glad it was over. Artie told a quick story about Yucko checking into the hotel. He said he yelled at the guy at the hotel ''I'm Yucko!'' a few times but the guy said he didn't have that name there. He then leaned over in his normal voice and said ''Roger Davis.''
Comedian Dave Attell came in to promote his TV show ''Insomniac'' which airs on Comedy Central Thursday nights at 10:30pm. As he was coming in Howard had Stephen Baldwin on the phone to break some bad news to him. Howard said that Stephen is in this upcoming TV show called ''Celebrity Mole'' and he just read that the tapes may have been destroyed in a fire at the studio where they stored the tapes. Howard read the article from the NY Post that was titled ''Cooked Mole.'' Howard read that the offices were damaged by water when fire fighters battled a fire there. The tapes were soaked and may have been destroyed just 3 weeks before the show was supposed to air. Stephen had no idea this had happened so he was surprised and bummed out when he heard the news. Howard went on to talk about how Stephen and comedian Kathy Griffin get into a fight on the show so it looked like it was going to be pretty interesting. Stephen got in a plug for his new store Vampire Attire that he's opening in Brooklyn. He invited Howard down to the store this Saturday but Howard said he can't make it. He said he would be there in two weeks when the store closes though. Stephen said the store is at 395 J Street in Brooklyn and he'll be there on Saturday at noon signing crap.
Howard spoke to Dave Attell for a short time and then said he had a funny call to play. He reminded everyone about the prank calls High Pitch Erik has been making over the past couple of months. Sal the Stockbroker has been behind all of the calls and feeds Erik the lines he says to these people. Sal and Joey Boots decided to play a trick on Erik for this call. They had a guy who does a great Ozzy Osbourne impression play the part of Ozzy. Sal then had Erik call the guy who he thought was actually Ozzy and prank him. Erik made some comments about Sharon and Kelly Osbourne that pissed ''Ozzy'' off. ''Ozzy'' then freaks out and says he's going to find out who these guys are and will get back at them somehow. Sal then tells Erik that he's better apologize to Ozzy before he finds out who they are. Sal then starts the apology and tells ''Ozzy'' who they are and that they're from the Howard Stern Show. Ozzy then says he's going to call Howard and get them thrown off the show. Howard played tape of all of this and it was pretty damn funny. Erik then calls his buddy Joey Boots and tells him what happened. Joey told Erik that it's all his fault and goofs on him since he was part of the whole thing. Joey tells Erik he's sick of his lying and as a punishment he tells Erik that he's not going to a Chinese Buffet with him. He ends up hanging up on Erik. Then Sal has Erik call the show and he leaves a message with someone there for KC. He says that someone is going out impersonating him and that person made a call to Ozzy and pissed him off. Sal makes Erik lie about the whole thing. After that Sal calls ''Ozzy'' back while Erik is on the line and tries to convince him that he's Howard and he took care of the problem. The phony Ozzy tells Sal he doesn't believe he's Howard and tells the ''assholes'' to have a good day as he hangs up on him.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said he got an e-mail from Joey Boots who said Erik had no idea this was a trick. Howard said if he'd known that he wouldn't have talked about it until he spoke to Erik. He could have continued the goof. He had the guys try to get Erik on the line just in case he hadn't heard the show this morning. Dave was impressed with the guy's Ozzy impression and wondered who he was. Howard said that he's a guy they're going to have on the show every day now because the impression was so good.
Sal the Stockbroker called in and said Erik is really nervous about the whole thing and he's afraid he's going to lose his spot on the show. Howard cut him off and put him on hold so he could get to High Pitch Erik. He had Erik on the line and he seemed to be clueless about the whole thing but after a short time he admitted he'd heard the show and knew it was a goof. Erik still didn't seem to get the whole thing and what had happened to him so Howard told him he wasn't banned from the show. Erik said he was in tears over the whole thing because Howard told him he was banned from the show when he picked up. Erik didn't realize that Howard was kidding for some reason. Erik thought it was really Ozzy he spoke to so he got upset. Howard tried to tell him that he was goofed on and he wasn't banned from the show. It was too complicated to explain to him. Artie said he thinks that Erik heard the whole show and still didn't get it. Howard put Sal back on the line and let him say a few thanks. He mentioned the guy who did the Ozzy impression but his cell phone was kind of garbled. I think it was something like Billy Mira. Sal asked if there were any prizes he could win for doing such a great scam. At first Howard said there weren't any prizes for him but then Howard told him he did have some type of jewelry for him. Sal said that you can get a High Pitch Erik phony phone call CD at HorseToothJackass.com. Howard had Robin do her news after that fun stuff. Dave stuck around to throw in some funny comments during the news.
Howard said they hope to have Debbie Gibson and Insane Clown Posse on the phone later. He said they'll also be playing ''Stump the Booey'' with this guy who called in earlier in the week and said that he can beat Gary in this game because he hasn't gotten one song wrong since they started playing it. The guys made a deal with him where he's going to bring his hot sister in with him as something to bet against Gary's $5000.
Howard said they got some e-mail about the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest and some people are upset that a ''professional'' like comedian Reverend Bob Levy won the contest. Howard and Robin said there were no rules against a professional entering the contest though. Howard said some people think that Yucko was ripped off and others are glad he didn't win.
Howard talked about some of the holiday gifts he's gotten. He said Stuttering John gave him some wine glasses and a wine decanter from Pottery Barn. He said it was a real nice gift. He said he got a gift of a gift certificate from Fred for a restaurant. Artie gave him a Barney's box and shoved $200 in it and told him to go shopping there. Howard thought that was kind of strange. Howard asked him why he didn't just give him $200 to go shopping anywhere. Robin got a similar gift and said she enjoyed it. Stuttering John said he thinks Artie is still upset over the Neil Young lithograph he gave Howard last year which he wasn't so thrilled with. Howard said Artie probably got a $400 gift but Artie used $200 for food at his favorite diner. Scott the Engineer gave out a few gifts too which surprised some people. John said Scott stopped giving out gifts like 6 years ago. Howard said Gary gave him a bunch of Blockbuster Video gift cards so he can rent movies. Howard liked that one. He said that Robin gave him a statue of his bulldog that he was happy with also. Artie said he was 0 for 2 with Christmas gifts so far. Howard said Robin gave him a card so he opened that up and read it to himself. He said it was much too personal to read to the other guys. She gave him another gift that he didn't want to open yet. Gary said Robin gave him a 15 inch flat screen TV for his kitchen. John said she gave him a 20 inch flat screen TV. Howard said he hopes everyone likes the gifts he got for them. He didn't say what they were though. He said they cost a lot of money to make and they're all similar to one another. Gary said he heard that Ralph was involved with the gift and also heard that Ralph screwed up sending out the gifts or something like that. Howard said the gifts were made especially for them and they were expensive but may not be as expensive as a flat screen TV.
Robin asked Howard why he wasn't opening his gift. He then opened some of the gifts he had there. He opened the gifts he got from Scott the Engineer first. It was some kind of crystal bowl. Howard thought it was an ashtray so Scott could come over and smoke. Scott said he could put nuts in it or something.
Dominic Barbara called in to talk about the gifts he's giving. He said the envelopes were on their way to everyone. Howard spent a short time talking about how weird Dominic is when he calls him. Dominic said he got his gift from Howard and really liked it. He didn't give away what it was though.
Howard was going to open Robin's gifts but he had to take a break first. After the break he ended up replaying part of the Steven Jenkins interview where Howard belched. Howard said that was a highlight of that interview since it wasn't all that interesting. Howard said Leno and Letterman will never achieve something like that.
Howard said he got an e-mail about a web site that claims that singer Avril Lavigne is the devil. He said the site was pretty funny. He looked around for the link to the site but couldn't find it. He eventually found a print out of the site and read through the reasons they think she's the devil. They also have an MP3 of her covering the song ''Chop Suey'' by System of a Down and ruining it. Howard played the clip and it was just horrible. Howard said she may have been goofing on it but it was still bad. Howard played the good version of the song to get over that awful performance. He said System of a Down's song is really good and didn't know why she'd even attempt to sing that song. Crazy Cabbie called in and ripped Avril Lavigne a new one. He went off on her for a couple of minutes and said he actually liked her album before he heard this song. Cabbie said he would hunt her down and carve her up like the deer he just shot and killed. He was kidding of course. After hearing that from Cabbie Howard said he can't wait for his birth mother to meet him. He said he left a couple messages for her himself trying to get her to come in and do the reunion with her son on the air. He said they're still working on making that happen. Howard said she's in for quite a shock.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to talk about a comment Robin made about Kathie Lee Gifford. The woman went on to tell Howard about how she worked at a restaurant that Kathie Lee visited a while back and she really is a bitch. She said that Kathie Lee would send back her food for no reason and never tipped very well. Howard said there wasn't much of a story there so he got off the phone with her.
Howard and the guys talked to Jeff about a loan he took out from a bank. Now they're demanding the money and he doesn't have it. Jeff said after he took out the loan the branch closed. The guys told him he bankrupted them with his $1000 loan. Howard spent a few minutes goofing on Jeff about all of this stuff. He then told Jeff that he should offer to clean his mother's house and clean up her yard as a gift to her for the holidays. Jeff didn't think that it was cool that he's broke. Robin told him to get himself ''un-broke'' somehow. Jeff ended up wishing everyone a merry Christmas before Howard hung up on him.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said he got his Beth O(BethO.com (link removed, do not visit)) calendar in the mail yesterday. He said he was surprised to see the month of September because Beth isn't wearing a top )but her breasts are covered). He said he was surprised Howard let that one get out. Howard said he had nothing to do with it. Chaunce was also surprised to see that Beth thanked Stuttering John on the back of the calendar. Howard told him Beth has a relationship with John and that's why she thanked him. Chaunce said there's also some camel toe on the month of June picture. Howard wanted to check out the pictures himself but they didn't have a copy of the calendar there. Chaunce ended up asking Howard some questions about what it's like to have a hot girlfriend like that who can put out a calendar like that. Howard ended up talking about how he's even more attracted to Beth now than he was in the beginning of their relationship. He said his balls are drained so he can see who she really is without thinking with his penis. Chaunce made some comments about how Beth must have weird taste since she's dating Howard. He figured Howard knew that and that's why he made the comment. Howard said she's the right woman for him but he's not going to marry her. Robin said she thinks Howard will marry her some day. She had her theory about their relationship and where it's going. She said she could even see Howard having kids with her. Howard said he doesn't want any more kids. Robin and the guys said that they think Howard is changing and he may change his mind some day. Gary said he even thinks he knows when it will happen. He said it'll probably be on January 2nd in 3 years so he doesn't have to deal with it on the air. Howard talked about how he lucked out with his daughters and their looks. He said they didn't come out with any of his bad features. He spent a couple of minutes talking about them and how they didn't need any nose jobs or anything like that. The only thing they needed was braces. Artie said he met Emily briefly one time and was amazed at how beautiful she was. The guys spent a couple more minutes on that but Howard had to take another break. Chaunce wished everyone happy holidays as Howard ended the call with him.
Howard asked the two of them where they're living now. Debbie is in New York and Violent J is in Detroit. J asked Debbie if she'd like to come to Detroit to perform with them. She said she'd like to work with the guys because it sounds like a trip. J and Debbie discussed what they might do together if they do work something out. Debbie said her mother is probably fine with this.
Howard asked Debbie a couple of questions about her dating life and found out she may convert and become a Jew. Debbie said people already think she's a Jew because she has the big nose and all. The guys spent a short time talking to her about a few other things before Howard wrapped up the call. He asked if he could have the exclusive play of their song when they work it out. They said Howard would get the first play. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing what comes out of this. Violent J thanked Howard for hooking them up. Howard got off the phone and gave Insane Clown Posse a plug for their album The Wraith: Shangri-La and their web site InsaneClownPosse.com
Earlier in the week, after hearing Gary beat yet another person at ''Stump The Booey'', this guy Mike called in and said he can beat Gary. After a short discussion about how they wanted people to start offering something to Gary to play against him, Mike said he'd bring his sister in and if he lost, she'd have to get naked. Howard invited him down after making that deal and the two of them showed up this morning. Gary came in earlier in the show and said that Mike must have told his sister bits and pieces of this story on their way in because she wasn't completely informed.
Howard introduced Mike and his sister Michelle. Gary said that she has a nice ass and big cans. Howard asked Michelle if Mike told her about this whole thing before bringing her there. She said she learned about it on the drive in around six o'clock. She now knows what she's gotten into but Howard wanted to make sure she knew she had to get naked if her brother loses the game. They also told her she has to hold the $250 Mike put up for the game between her legs while she stands there naked. Gary said he wouldn't touch her when he gets the money. Howard told her she had to make the decision right then. He said he was going to send her into the bathroom to disrobe before the game to make sure they wouldn't get screwed if her brother lost. Michelle said she's never been naked in front of a group of guys before. Howard told her he'd hand her clothes back to her after the game if her brother wins. He asked her if she had enough confidence in her brother to do that. She finally said ''okay'' so Howard sent her off to the bathroom.
Gary asked Mike what kind of hair cut he thinks his sister has. Mike didn't have an answer though. Howard had KC standing outside the door while Michelle disrobed. Howard tried to get her to hurry up but she was very slow getting her clothes off. Howard said he was going to end it all if she didn't have all of he clothes off in 30 more seconds. She ran out of time but most of her clothes were off by then so Howard let it slide.
Howard moved on to the game and played the first song. Both Gary and Mike started to write their answers pretty quickly. Gary was done first. Mike and Gary both got the correct answer of ''Lost in Emotion'' by Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam. Howard played the second song and had Gary give his answer first. Gary got it right with ''Theme from Miami Vice'' by Jann Hammer. Mike didn't know the artist and thought there was some controversy because the game was supposed to be just names of songs. Howard and the guys said there was no controversy and he had to know the artist. Howard played the third song and Gary knew it right away. Mike was a little slow giving his answer. Howard let him have a few seconds to write it down though. Mike gave the answer of ''Never Knew Love Like This Before'' by Stephanie Mills. Gary had the song but not the artist. He had some other name for the artist. They were tied at this point so Howard played the next song. Gary knew the answer but Mike wasn't as quick as he was. They both got it right with ''Sister Christian'' by Night Ranger. Howard asked how Michelle was doing before playing the fifth song. She was fine at that point so Howard played the song. Gary was done in seconds, Mike was a little slow again. They both got it right with ''Obsession'' by Animotion. They were still tied at this point so Howard had to play another song. Once again Gary had the answer immediately. Mike wanted to hear a little more of the song. Gary got it right but Mike was having trouble with the artist. The song was ''Oh Sheila'' by Ready for the World. Mike gave the answer of De Barge for the artist. He knew the song name though. Mike blew it so his sister had to come out of the bathroom naked. KC said she was trying to make a deal with them but they made her come out naked. She wanted to just give them the $250. She was really upset with her brother. She said she didn't want to do it at all. She was really upset but she eventually came out of the bathroom, put the money between her legs and gave it to Gary. Howard said her body wasn't that bad and said it wasn't a big deal. She came out quickly and refused to put the money between her legs. Gary told Mike that he might want to get her a hair trimmer for Christmas. She said she didn't know she was going to be doing this today so she wasn't trimmed down there. Gary told her she could have come and gone after all the time she was wasting not coming out. Howard said she had really nice boobs too. Howard asked her if she wanted to dance naked to the Miami Vice theme song. Of course she didn't but she wasn't getting dressed. She seemed to be getting more comfortable with her nudity by this time. Howard said she really went out on a limb for Mike. Gary collected his $250 and told Mike that he'd given him too much. He gave him $276 accidentally. He gave back the extra $26.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and wrapped up the segment shortly after collecting the money. Howard told Mike that he won a Nintendo Game Cube even though he lost. Howard also gave Michelle a diamond necklace as a prize before they left.
Howard took some calls after the game and one guy said he could definitely beat Gary. Howard told him that if he brings in his wife and sister he might be able to get in to compete against Gary. The guy said he might be able to make that happen but he wasn't sure. Howard said if he can get them in there he's got himself a game. Another guy called in who was in the studio yesterday for the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest. He told Howard that he needs to get himself a body transplant or something because he looks horrible. That led to Howard challenging him to a contest. He said he'll take that guy on in a beauty pageant since he thinks he looks so bad. Howard finally took a break after setting up those competitions.
Howard moved on to Mike Walker next. Mike was on the phone ready to play his game. Howard spent a short time talking to him and then had him get right to his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard killed some time talking about some news stories. He read one about someone who is suing Dominos Pizza because they allegedly found a pubic hair in their pizza. They want a DNA test run on the hair to prove it.
Howard talked about the story they read about the fire that happened at the place where the tapes for ''Celebrity Mole'' were stored. They're saying that all of the tapes may have been ruined. Greg said all of his stuff was stored there also and all of his tapes are gone now. He said that didn't make the news though.
Greg told Howard a story about another celebrity he wanted to bash. He said he was in line to take a flight from Los Angels to New York. He was in line for an hour and a half and this actor from ''Good Morning Miami'', Mark Furstein, cut through the line to get on the plane first. Greg said the guy was wearing his had backwards and talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone. Greg said he saw this guy cut in front of about 150 people. Greg finally got on the plane and saw him in first class and said ''Thanks for cutting in line!'' as he walked past him to coach. Artie thought it was funny that Greg had to look at a piece of paper to remember the guy's name.
As Robin was about to start the news Howard remembered that he had tape of Gary Garver interviewing ''Survivor Thailand'' winner Brian. He got the tape and played the interview. Here are a few of the questions Gary asked:
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about the ''Survivor'' finale before having Robin get to the rest of today's news.