Howard said he was sick on Friday so he had to cancel his romantic weekend with Beth. He was supposed to go to Connecticut with Beth to an inn but canceled so he could stay home and recover. He said he thought about going to Scores for Scott Einziger's post-marriage-bachelor party but never went. He said he heard it was a great party too. He said that Ronnie the Limo Driver drank so much passed out after drinking too much. Ronnie came in and changed the subject when he told Howard that Mike Gange brought a camera with him to the strip club. Howard said that is wrong but he hopes he gets to see the pictures. Ronnie said he doesn't have any recollection of what happened that night. He and Howard spent a few minutes talking about that and then Benjy told some stories about what he saw at the Scores party. He said that Will from the back office was making out with one of the hottest girls he's ever seen. Will came in and told Howard about what happened. Benjy said he thought he might have a shot at one of these chicks but the woman he sat next to got up and walked away. She went over and ended up making out with one of the other guys from E!. Howard said Benjy needs to work on his look a little more. Ronnie said there's something about Benjy that women just don't like.
Ronnie said Howard's name has a lot to do with the treatment they get at Scores. Artie said it helps to get better lap dances from the girls when they know they're from the show. Ronnie said that Scott Einziger was in his hotel for a total of about 2 hours over the weekend. He flew in from California and spent most of the time at Scores before flying home.
Howard read an article in the paper about how Scores may have to cover up their girls because of new laws that are going into effect this week. The girls may have to wear tops and not show their breasts. Ronnie said he spoke to Lonnie from Scores and that will never happen.
Howard said if he was at the party he would have done some stuff to Ronnie when he passed out. He talked about the time Fred passed out and they put Gay Rich on his lap and goofed on him. Howard said he would have dressed Ronnie in a dress or something while he was passed out.
Benjy told Howard that Jason from the back office also puked while on his way to the bathroom. He came in and said he had a great time at the party. Howard said he's sorry he missed it but he was doing the right thing by staying home to make sure he had a voice for the show today.
After taking a break Howard said they're thinking about putting the pictures of Ronnie passed out on their web site (HowardStern.com). There are some pictures of people goofing on him while he's passed out. Luckily Mike Gange had his camera with him that night.
Howard said he was with his dog trainer over the weekend at a pet show. He said the guy judges a pet costume party around this time of the year so he had to leave the pet show to go do that. Howard said he dressed his dog Java up one year and she ate the costume. Howard is in the process of looking for a new dog so he brought his kids to this dog show over the weekend. He said he was there for 4 or 5 hours. He's decided to get an English Bulldog so he was talking to the breeders while he was there. Howard said these people really know their dogs. Robin mentioned cat breeders at one point and Howard seemed surprised to learn that people actually breed cats. Howard said he's not a cat person. He has had cats but they don't ''like him back'' enough to bother with them anymore.
Howard talked about the death of Richard Harris for a few minutes. He and the guys talked about which movies they remember him from before moving on.
Howard said that ''Jackass'' made $22 million over the weekend. He said he thinks that this is the beginning of ''reality movies.'' Artie said he saw the movie over the weekend and it was great. He said people were laughing like crazy during the movie. Howard said it's just a matter of time before we see ''Survivor: The Movie'' or ''The Bachelor'' in the theaters. Howard said he was really happy to see the movie do well because those guys deserve it. Robin brought up Steve O who basically said to Howard that he didn't sign a contract for the movie yet so he may not get paid.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he saw the Beetlejuice DVD and laughed at that more than the Jackass movie. Howard said the Beetlejuice thing is funny but it's also sad. He said he feels bad for Beet in that movie and fears for his health when he's giving oral to a bunch of whores. Chaunce seems to think that Beet may have a career in the reality movies. He also gave a plug for ''Steppin' Out'' Magazine which features Beetljuice on the cover for Halloween. Howard told him that was a great idea.
Howard asked Artie what he was up to while he was out in L.A. last week. Artie said he was pitching a TV show idea out there. Artie said the show is a sitcom and he thought Howard was more into the reality TV show stuff. Howard said the shows he has in production now aren't reality based so he doesn't know where that came from. Howard told Artie if he dates on his show he should date fat, ugly chicks because fat guys on TV now are all dating hot chicks.
Gary came in and said that an intern they have working on the show didn't tell her mother she was working for the Howard Stern show. Her mom came to visit but didn't know it was the Stern show. When she called home and spoke to her son, he asked her if she met Howard. She said ''Howard who?'' and then found out it was Stern. Her flight was supposed to leave at 7:30 this morning but she was on her way down to possibly take her daughter out of the job. Danita the intern came in and told Howard she never told her mother about it because she's really controlling. She's 22 years old though so Howard told her to tell her mother she wants to make her own decisions. Danita said her mother listens to Rush Limbaugh or NPR in the mornings so she's not a fan of Howard's. Howard told Danita that he'll back her up when her mother gets there. Danita said her mother may make her quit the job and she may end up crying. She told Howard that her mother is a gynecologist so Howard said they're just about in the same line of work. Artie suggested that they play the video of Benjy pleasuring himself to Houston on the monitor when Danita's mother comes in. Howard said he will probably be able to charm Danita's 54 year old mother when she gets there.
Gary said another intern told him that her father encouraged her to go for the internship and said that she could even take a semester off if she needed to. Howard said that's the kind of encouragement Danita needs from her mother.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that she told him when this case first happened, that Winona probably had an account where you walk in, pick up your stuff, show it to them and walk out. She said she does it all the time. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Ross about the case and then took some other phone calls. One guy wanted to know why Howard was defending Winona today after bashing her for months. Howard said he read this article and it gave him some info he didn't have before so his views changed. A couple of other people called in yelling about other stuff. One woman was bitching about the fact that Artie is doing a commercial for their New York station. The woman was really pissed so Howard tried to explain how it happened. Howard said he doesn't want his employees doing commercials for the show but he wanted to let Artie make some money. He said that General Manager Tom Chiusano said the commercial would only run a couple of times. Over a month later the commercial is still running. Howard said he should have just said ''no'' to Tom about it but he didn't want to screw Artie out of the money. Howard was defending Artie because it wasn't his idea to do the commercial. The woman just continued to yell about it and told Howard to stop defending him. Howard told the woman he'd take care of it today. Howard said he knows Tom lied about the commercial and how much it would run but he'll take care of it. The woman went on to bitch about other stuff on the show too. Howard said she made a good point but she drove it into the ground. Howard eventually got off the phone and continued to discuss the commercial. Artie said he still hasn't gotten paid for that commercial and the station is running it like 20 times a day. Even Artie said he knows it seems like it takes forever for it to end.
Howard gave an update on Danita and her mom. He said she was on the phone with her mom for 15 minutes and she was hiding in the bathroom while she was having the discussion.
Tom Chiusano came in and told Artie he hasn't worked there long enough to call him a liar. Artie said he never called him a liar though. Tom said Howard has been there long enough to do that but not Artie. Howard went on to tell Tom that he is not to bother him anymore after the show. He told him that he is to contact his agent from now on and they'll get back to him on that stuff. Tom said he never said it was just going to run a few times. He said they are running it 6 times a week and that's what he said. Artie claims that he was misled about how often the commercial was going to run but Tom said he wasn't. Howard said Tom is the best at bamboozling people on the show.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that the only way to deal with these people to get paid is to get the money up front. Cabbie said he demands that he gets paid before the commercial even runs. Cabbie also told Tom that Artie never called him a liar. He just said he didn't know the commercial was going to run so often. Howard wrapped up the discussion after a few minutes of arguing.
Howard said he has given his kids the drug talk and they know he's smoked pot and other stuff. He said they don't necessarily want to talk to him about stuff like that. He said he also talks about masturbation and things like that with his kids. Robin wanted to know if his kids have had sex yet. Howard said he doesn't talk about stuff like that about his kids.
Howard mentioned that a kid eventually tells you they hate you and that's the true test of a real man. Gary came in and said that his youngest son did that to him yesterday. He said he didn't know what was upsetting him so much but he tried to ignore it and told the kid he'd talk to him after he calmed down. Howard said he was putting his daughter to bed the other night and she told him she hates him. He said he wouldn't allow her to have a sleep-over and that's why she was pissed. Howard said he ended up talking to her and after a few minutes she forgot about hating him. He said their hatred doesn't last that long.
Artie said he would never even think of saying something like that to his father. He said he used to work with his father and if he had to hold a flashlight for an hour and he had a nasty look on his face, his father would say ''What's your problem?'' and get pissed. He said he never dared say anything like that to his dad.
Stuttering John came in and said his 6 year old asked him about sex and wondered what you're supposed to do. Howard said you just tell them the truth. John wasn't sure that a 6 year old is old enough to understand that stuff though. Howard said you really need a full time psychologist to help out with this stuff.
Howard got back to Danita and said that a friend of Danita's mother was yelling at them downstairs in their building. Howard said he should go down there with a microphone and find out what's going on.
Howard changed subjects again and brought up an article about how Vin Diesel has a crush on Anna Nicole Smith and is trying to get a meeting with her. Howard said he's not so sure that's a true story though.
Howard played a new bit where KC has a few wack pack members debating. This time they were debating which flavor of ice cream is best, chocolate or vanilla. Gary the Retard and Jeff Curro went at each other a little bit about which one was the best. Fran Baskerville the Singing Psychic said chocolate was her favorite.
After taking a break Howard had Danita's mother Monica come in. She and Howard spent quite a while talking about what was going to happen with Danita. Monica ended up laughing and having some fun while she was in the studio. She said that they're not going to make Danita quit the internship. She said she wished Danita would have taken the internship she was offered at CBS News instead of Howard's show though. She actually turned that down for Howard's show. Howard told her she probably should have taken that CBS News job. Howard told Monica that her daughter may be exposed to some nudity while she's working there but it will probably be other women, not men. Monica said she was afraid that her daughter would end up being one of those women. Howard told her they don't get interns naked so she'll be just fine. Artie asked Monica if she'd be interested in letter her daughter undress her for $10,000. She just laughed. Howard told him she's a gynecologist so they'd have to offer her like $50,000. That's when the found out that Monica is out of work. She and her friend told Howard that both of their licenses were revoked by New York State officials for some reason. Monica said she thinks that they're trying to get rid of doctors who are of color and that's why she lost her license. Monica and her friend spent quite a while talking to Howard about their situation. Dominic Barbera called in and knew about their case somehow. He said that one of the women had two patient deaths in her office. She had an explanation for them and said that it wasn't her fault. She and Dominic went back and forth arguing about the details for a little while. Monica managed to shut Dominic up pretty good while she was yelling at him. Howard eventually wrapped up the segment so he could move on to interview Laurie Wallace. Danita is staying for now. Right after Monica left Howard said ''Where's the chick with the lesbian stories?'' That got Artie laughing pretty hard.
Howard spent some time talking to Laurie about her life and reminding everyone about the story she told last year. Then he had her tell her latest celebrity sex story. She told Howard this story about a friend of hers who hooked her up to go to a party at this celebrity's house. Howard had her take her time telling the story so they could get all of the details. She wouldn't name the celebrity but Howard knew who it was. Laurie said that there were a lot of hot chicks at the party. She told Howard she was at the party for a while and noticed that most of the people were leaving. She was told she could stay and hang out and it was eventually just her, her friend, the celebrity and his girlfriend. Laurie said she ended up fooling around with the celebrity's girlfriend while the celebrity sat and watched them. The story was much more interesting than that but she had so many details it was tough to capture them. Howard also threw in a plug for Laurie's web site, LaurieWallace.com, so everyone could go see what Laurie looks like. Howard also mentioned that Laurie has had her pubic hair lasered off. He talked to her about that for a short time. She told Howard about having the procedure done and how intimate it is. She said she had it done because she had problems when she was shooting these hard core movies having sex with other women. She doesn't have to worry about stubble or anything like that down there now.
Howard moved on to talk about the recent protest that was held where a lot of movie stars showed up to protest the possible Iraq attack. Howard spent a few minutes talking about the protest before moving on to other stuff. Howard said the news has been focusing on Winona Ryder quite a bit lately. He also talked about how sometimes she looks like a little boy when she's photographed. He said sometimes he thinks about how he'd like to bang her but sometimes he realizes she looks like a dude. Howard talked about the fantasies he has about how he'd like to tie her up and make her watch her own bad movies while he bangs her. He took a break shortly after talking about that.
After the break Howard said he has some stuff to give away later in the morning. He also mentioned some of the guests they have coming up later in the week before taking some phone calls. Someone called in as Howard Stern and used recordings of Howard's voice to have a conversation with Howard. It was very funny. Howard said he could talk to himself all day. The guy doing the call was really good at it and had answers for almost all of the live Howard's questions.
Howard quickly mentioned that the high school he went to as a kid was just closed down because of gang violence the other day.
Howard was sick over the weekend so he ended up watching some of the 007 James Bond movies that are in the new DVD box set that's out now. He said he's not into Pierce Brosnan as Bond so he skips all of those. He said he loves ''Goldfinger'' and ''Dr. No'' and they're included so he loved that. He spent a few minutes talking about that. Howard said his daughter ended up watching ''Grease'' twelve times when she was over at his house. He said she was bored so he told her to watch her favorite movie and that's what she watched. Robin couldn't believe she could sit through that 12 times.
Howard talked about how he's decided to get an English Bulldog in the spring. He talked about the dogs for a few minutes and then took some more phone calls.
King of all Blacks called in and talked to Howard about the dog thing for a short time. KOAB reminded Howard that years ago he was going to get in to bicycling and by the time he ordered the bike and it showed up, he was ready to quit. He seems to think he's going to do the same thing with the dog. Howard explained what happened with the bike thing. He said he got a lot of mail about how you can possibly lose your erection if you bike too much. Once he found that out, he was out. Artie said you have to bike a lot for that to happen though. Howard said he was doing 30 miles a day so that was quite a bit.
Howard told Robin that he heard about a celebrity who bought one of these Bulldogs and within a year it ended up in a shelter. Howard said when he found that out he lost respect for the celebrity. He wouldn't mention that person's name though. A few more people called in about dogs and had Howard on that subject for a while.
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten at the show. They got some mail about the guy who was on last week complaining about how he masturbates 8-10 times a day. The writer told Howard to have Benjy sit next to him and masturbate while the guy is there. That might cure him. Howard said he got a lot of mail about Marilyn Manson and the gay stuff he was talking about when he was on the show last week. Howard got some complaints about him talking about Christina Aguilera being hot. The writer compared Christina to Britney Spears and said Britney is better.
Howard took a call from a woman who wondered when the Bon Jovi Bukkake Party is going to happen. Howard explained how the idea came about a few months ago and how Tom Chiusano told him that they couldn't call it a ''Bukkake'' party. Howard said it became a big problem after that. Howard said Tom is micro-managing everything too much on the show so he ended up going above his head to Mel Karmazin. Howard said he asked Mel to ship Tom off to L.A. and send this guy Bob Mohr in from L.A. To work at his station. Howard said he told Mel that there's not even a real definition for ''Bukkake'' and even Mel doesn't have a problem with them calling it a Bukkake party. Howard said he doesn't want to have to discuss everything with Tom. He said every time he wants to do something, Tom gets involved and screws it up. He said that years ago Johnny Knoxville wanted to come on and stun gun himself before he was on MTV doing Jackass. Howard said Tom wouldn't let that happen so they missed out on that. Howard said now he thinks that Tom knows that he was wrong about the Bukkake party but he won't admit to it. Apparently Tom is afraid they won't be able to sell commercials for that show as long as they're calling it a Bukkake party. Howard said it's really aggravating and annoying to deal with. Howard said he eventually just told Tom that they're canceling the event. He said it's just not fun and he's not going to change the name.
Howard also said that Tom lied to him and said he spoke to other program directors about selling the show and they agreed that it would be hard to sell. Howard said he checked with them and they never spoke to Tom.
Tom showed up and said he never lied to Howard and he did speak to those program directors. Tom said he was told they'd have trouble selling it but Howard heard that they didn't. Howard said he didn't speak to them directly. They spoke to a third party and told them they didn't have a problem.
Howard asked Tom to just retire already. He brought up last year's company Christmas party and how Tom told him no one was interested in having one after 9/11 but he may have lied about it. Tom said they're having one this year. Howard suggested that Tom not show up to that party.
Howard and Robin both went after Tom and wondered what the problem was. Howard continued to say there is no meaning to the word Bukkake. Robin asked Tom why they have to even mention it's a Bukkake party to advertisers. She asked why they don't just say they have a promotion to do and leave it at that.
Howard said he wants to retire already after dealing with this stuff for so long. Howard said he looked in the mirror the other day and saw that he looks horrible. He said it's because of Tom and if he didn't have to deal with him, he'd be in better shape. He then went on to say that he thinks he's going to look into getting out of his contract due to the ringing in his ears. He said he's going deaf just like Rush Limbaugh and he wants out. He said he's going to talk to Mel and try to get out.
Howard took some phone calls from people and one guy gave him the definition of Bukkake. He said that it's ''the act of pouring over'' and it doesn't mean anything dirty. Howard reminded Tom what a genius he is and yelled at him for a couple more minutes. Howard said it really is time for him to get out of radio. He said he's even sick of himself. Tom told Howard that he has 38 months left in his contract so he'll be around until the end of 2005. Howard thought he was going to be done at the end of 2004. Howard and the guys ended up trying to figure out just how much longer Howard had left to go. Even Robin wasn't aware of that and didn't know they were going to be around until 2006. Gary told Howard that if he saves up his vacation and doesn't take any until the summer of 2005, they could be out of there by then. They could just use the vacation for the rest of that year.
At one point there was this high pitched noise that came from nowhere. Howard and the guys couldn't figure out where it was coming from so Scott the Engineer had to come in and figure it out. It was an intercom that was open and there was feedback coming through that was deafening. They fixed the problem and Gary said he's never heard anything like that on any other radio show.
Howard went off on Tom for a little longer and said that they Bon Jovi Bukkake Party has been officially canceled. Howard said Tom lost the fight against his suit but he won't lose this fight. He ended the discussion and took another break.
Howard said he was listening to a very disturbing tape of this guy James Van Praagh who claims to be able to contact the dead. Howard said he already told John Edwards that he's a phony. This guy won't do Howard's show though. Howard said that the guy has done the lowest of the low and ''contacted'' victim number 5 in the sniper attacks for her sister. The guy says he usually needs 3 months for the people to adjust to their deaths but this was a special occasion and he contacts the dead sister. Howard said we all know that we can't contact dead people but then corrected himself and said that not all of us know that. Howard played tape of the guy doing his thing with this woman and goofed on him for a little while. Howard laughed as this guy scammed the woman. Howard said these so-called psychics have been taking advantage of people for many years.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she watches that guy and saw one show where James told this woman her husband didn't feel any pain in the World Trade Center collapse. She knew he was full of crap when she heard that.
Howard changed subjects and got this guy Will (Will the Farter) on the phone who can fart at will. He gave Howard and example and Howard was pretty impressed. He told Will that they'd book him for the show so he could come in and try to break the farting records they have. Will said that he once farted for a full 24 seconds on another radio station down in Baltimore. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to have him in since he was on another show. Will said that he would remain loyal to Howard if he gets on the show. Howard had him try to break his 24 second record but he could only manage 9 seconds. Will also told Howard that he's on the 98 Rock CD they put out. Howard said there's no loyalty in the world and ended up hanging up on the poor guy. Howard says that really sucks that he's on their CD.
Howard moved on and took a call from a guy who said he's obsessed with Howard's ''It's Just Wrong'' game. Howard said he's gotten quite a bit of e-mail about last week's E! show where the father/daughter teams played the game. A lot of people said that the game is evil and just wrong. The guy who called in said his 26 year old daughter has down syndrome and he wants to play ''It's Just Wrong'' with her. Howard asked him what her IQ was and whether or not she'd be able to sign her own release. The guy said he's her legal guardian and she has the mentality of an 8 year old. Howard said that sounds acceptable to him. He told the guy they'd take his name and if they were interested, they'd get back to him. After he put the guy on hold Howard asked Robin how sick the guy is. Robin said she thinks they could get away with letting her play the game. The guy is her legal guardian so he should be able to make that decision for her.
A woman called in and told Howard what's really wrong is him buying a dog. She said he should get a shelter dog. Howard said he's not the bad guy and he shouldn't have to get a shelter dog. The woman said he's contributing to the over abundance of animals by buying a puppy. Howard told her she was nuts and hung up on her.
Howard said there are some new poos on RateMyPoo.com that are worth checking out. Howard and the guys checked some of them out on the TV screen in the studio and got grossed out by them. Howard told the E! guys not to put that up on the screen unless he asks for it.
After the game Howard spent some time talking to Otto and George. George is a puppet for those who don't know. Howard noticed that Otto was wearing a George Carlin t-shirt so he asked him if he's a fan. Otto said he's the best stand-up comedian in his opinion. Then Howard asked the puppet if he feels the same way. Otto went a little crazy and said something about how Howard wasn't going to talk to him like a human being today. Howard figured it was okay to ask the puppet questions and couldn't seem to understand why Otto was going crazy over the question. Otto calmed down and ended up having the puppet talk to Howard a little bit. Howard had some fun with that for a few minutes.
There was still some controversy going on over the amount of time Howard has left on his contract. Robin said she figured that Howard signed at the beginning of 2000 so the contract would be up in the beginning of 2005, not 2006 like Tom was saying earlier in the show. Tom came back in and told them that he checked into it and Howard is going to be on the air until 2006. The whole thing came up because some guy left a voice mail complaining about Howard threatening to quit radio in 3 years. He told Howard to just shut up about that already. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she doesn't know what she'll do if Howard leaves radio in 3 years. Her voice was more gravely than it usually is so Artie did his impression for a few seconds before Howard moved on to other stuff.
Howard took a few phone calls to kill some time. There are quite a few people who dislike Otto and George that call in. Otto asked Howard why he lets those calls through. Howard said he doesn't have control over that. He said the guy wanted to tell Otto and George that he likes him but ended up badmouthing him. Otto said he's unable to deliver his usual act on the air because of the FCC. He said he feels like he's just a step away from being part of the wack pack.
Speaking of the wack pack, a few of them called in to talk to Howard. Wendy the Retard called in quickly and said hi to Otto and George. Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro also called in and spoke to Otto and George for a couple of minutes. Otto and George had Wendy laughing a bit when he goofed on Jeff.
Howard said he interviewed a bunch of the Wack Pack members to find out if they had any idea what Bukkake means. Jeff the Drunk had no clue what it means and he told KC to stop calling him so much. Junior the farter thought it was a tree that grows in China. High Pitch Erik thought it meant two people having sex together. Daniel Carver was also asked what it was and he ended up yelling about his usual things when they contacted him. Howard played tape of each of them and then took a break after giving Otto and George a plug for a comedy gig they had coming up. Otto and George are making an appearance at Uncle Funnys in Davie, Florida. You can find more info about that at MillerComedy.com.
After the break Howard ended up goofing on the new American Idol CD that just came out. He played clips from the CD and made fun of the bad songs the contestants sang on the show. After that he moved on to the news. Otto and George stuck around to comment on some of the stuff Robin brought up during the news.
Howard said that he forgot to mention that ''NYPD Blue'' has started using the ''S-word'' during prime time TV. Howard pointed out that no one has gone nuts over that but Tom Chiusano won't allow them to use the word ''Bukkake'' for the Bon Jovi Scores party they just canceled. He said he didn't want to beat up on Tom all day so he dropped it and took a break.
After the break Howard said he got a lot of great feedback about the song '' Diarrhea'' that he played yesterday during the show. He said it's by a band called Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles. He got an e-mail from a guy in the band who thanked Howard for playing the song. Howard played it again after reading that e-mail. It's a remake of the childhood rhyme about diarrhea being brown and runny.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said he put up an open letter to Howard on his web site MelroseLarry.com. It turns out the letter is about Gary not returning his calls so Howard said he's not even going to bother reading it. Melrose said that wasn't the reason he called in anyway. He thanked Howard for letting him be a part of the upcoming Celebrity Cribs that will air on his E! show. Howard said you won't believe the mess this guy lives in when you see his home. Howard had the E! guys put up a picture of his bathroom and the bathtub was a mess. He said there was mold and what looked like rat feces on the tub. There was tapes all over the place and a cat cage according to Howard's description. Melrose changed subjects and told Howard he has tape of the Beltway Sniper's wife and son on Larry King. Howard said the wife thinks that her husband should be prosecuted to the fullest. Melrose played the tape after Howard told him to stop rambling. The tape was boring so Howard bailed out after about 15 seconds. Howard didn't understand why Melrose picked a boring phone call to play. Howard moved on and read an article about how well the sniper was outfitted for this mission he was on. They had a GPS system and all kinds of other stuff so they were prepared to get around. The guys spent a short time on that before changing subjects again.
Howard brought up the CBS ''The Early Show'' that was just revamped. He said he saw a promo for the show the other morning and it was really lame. He said they were just standing there like wooden dolls in the promo. Howard said there are some hot chicks but they're ''uptight hot chicks.'' He pulled the clip off his TiVo and let everyone hear how boring they sound. Robin said it sounds like ''The View'' with a guy. Howard spent some time goofing on that clip and how lame it sounded. Howard also read an article about the show which said the show has too many sets and doesn't make enough sense. They said they added hosts and ''sliced the entertainment in half.''
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered what's up with Joe Cancer. He was on the show last year saying that he had cancer again and he was probably going to die. KC came in and said they tried to get in touch with Joe over the past couple of months and haven't had any luck. Howard said that he might have to do a eulogy on the air today. Joe may have passed on but no one told them if he did.
Howard talked about another article he read about how they're going to try and get rid of the homeless problem in New York City again. Howard said when Rudy Giuliani was in office you hardly saw any homeless people. Now that Mayor Bloomberg is in office the homeless are back on the streets annoying people. Howard said he wanted to thank the new Mayor for finally cracking down on this problem. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about homeless they've seen on the streets. Howard said he hopes they keep it up and keep the homeless off the streets. Artie said there's a guy who sleeps in front of the McDonalds by the radio station and he asks people to buy him a chocolate shake from McDonalds. Artie said the guy is like 300 pounds so he wonders how fat the guy would be if he could afford his own food.
Howard took a call from a listener who got the guys talking about basketball for a while. They talked about the local teams and Howard said he'll go to some Nets games this coming season. Artie sounded surprised that he'd go and said he can get some great tickets for some of the games.
Howard took some more phone calls and a guy asked Howard about his relationship with Mel Karmazin. Howard spent some time talking about that and how Mel has backed him up since they first started working together. He said their relationship is a little more than a business relationship but he knows when his ratings drop he'll be just another DJ. Howard also said someone accused him of hyping ''Jackass: The Movie'' because it was released by part of the CBS family. Howard said he has bashed plenty of other Paramount films so he doesn't just promote stuff because it's part of the company he works for.
Howard spent a little while talking about what he's spoken to Mel about lately and how he's tried to get rid of Tom Chiusano. He talked about how Tom has been taking away everyone's power at the station and it's making things really bad there. Howard has mentioned this guy Bob Mohr who works at their L.A. Station who Howard wants to replace Tom. Howard talked about him a bit and mentioned that he has the biggest ass he's ever seen on a guy. Gary came in and said it's like a bit they used to do on Saturday Night Live with a whole family that had extremely large asses. Howard said he loves that guy though. Stuttering John came in and said Bob talks about how he'd love to work with Howard also. John said Bob talks about what he'd like to do with Howard if he was the General Manager at his station.
Gary told Howard that Lonnie from Scores was trying to do anything he could to save the Bon Jovi Bukkake Party that they canceled. Howard said he had to toast Lonnie for being so great but the party has been dropped and they won't be having the party there. Gary said Bon Jovi was upset they weren't going to have the party too. Their people were there taking measurements of the stage for the band. Howard took another break after wrapping up that discussion.
Artie brought up David Spade during the break and talked about how lucky he is on ''Just Shoot Me'' because he gets to make out with the hottest chicks. He was on a bed making out with Brooke Burns on last night's episode. Artie said Spade gets to do that all week long while they rehearse and stuff for the show. Howard asked Robin if Spade is cute or not. She said he's no that bad but Artie said he's very witty and that gets him the chicks.
Howard said they were also talking about this new computer system that will do 50 different things like record TV shows like a TiVo and record music and all kinds of other stuff. He said Microsoft hired Tom Arnold to promote this new system. Howard said he doesn't understand why Tom Arnold is okay with Microsoft but he's not. Howard said he thinks that OJ Simpson may be more acceptable to Microsoft than he is. He just doesn't understand why that is. Howard said a soft drink ad company came to him with a great idea for a commercial that he would have been willing to do. The ad company said they just had to check with their client and they'd put things together. Howard said they never heard back from them. He said these big companies are afraid of him for some reason.
Howard had a revelation this morning about possibly being molested as a child. He said he just realized it. He told Robin that he was around 9 or 10 years old and a family member, not mom or dad, sat him on his lap and grabbed his sack. Howard said the guy grabbed his sack a second time and rubbed his crotch for a second while other people in the room laughed. Howard wondered if that's bad or not. Robin told him it was bad and said that other people laughing was really wrong too. Howard said he wanted to let the big soft drink company know that he was molested and maybe that would help him get the job. The guys talked about how Sketchers has Robert Downey Jr. in their ad campaign and there's a company using Snoop Dogg as their representative.
Howard also heard that Dan thought the Prosecuting Attorney was pretty hot. They talked about that for a short time and it eventually led to Howard talking about how hot chicks always seem to get jobs over not-so-hot ones. Artie said that can work against some people because when he was working on the ''Norm'' show he always tried to get Norm to fire all of the good looking guys working there. He didn't think they needed any good looking guys around. Robin said KC got hired because he was good looking. Howard said he didn't even know who KC was and he didn't know what he looked like. Howard said he heard some of KC's college radio shows and he was funny. That's why he got hired. Gary said the photograph KC sent in actually did get him hired there. He said that someone got the picture and said that he was going to be ''eye candy'' for the next semester of interns.
Howard wrapped up the call with Dan after talking about the KC thing. Robin continued the good looking person discussion and said that she read that the only women who get on TV these days are Jennifer Aniston-types.
Howard changed subjects again and talked about the Boy Scouts and how this one kid was kicked out because he doesn't believe in God. Howard doesn't understand what's going on with the Boy Scouts. They don't want gays and they don't want people who don't believe in God. He also said that he doesn't understand why a 19 year old would still want to be in the Scouts. He said if you're in the Boy Scouts at 19, you're probably not going to get laid. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the Scouts and how useless the skills they teach are these days.
Howard said he read that Tim demanded this woman Elizabeth Mitchell be hired for the movie after he saw nude pictures of her on MrSkin.com. Tim said that wasn't true. He and the director collaborated on that and he didn't want to make the decision on something like that. Howard talked to tim about who he'd like to work with in his career. He mentioned Nicole Kidman and Diane Lane and said it's no just their looks but their acting abilities. Howard joked around with that and said Tim probably wanted Glenn Close as the Tool Time Girl on ''Home Improvement.''
Howard asked Tim how old the chicks are he's been dating since leaving his wife. Tim said he's dated women over 30 since then. Howard asked him how he could be dating women over 30 when he's at 24. Howard had some other stories about Tim that he's read in the tabloids. He also said that Tim's managers are listed as Executive Producers on this new movie. Howard went on to talk about how well off Tim is. Howard said the last time Tim was in they followed him out and saw him buy a $75,000 watch at a local jewelry store. Tim said he didn't buy a watch that day but Howard said he did. Tim said he does own a watch that's worth that much but he didn't buy one that day. Tim said he's a watch freak and owns quite a few.
Howard said he doesn't spend money on stuff like that. He said he owned a Corvette for a couple of years but he doesn't own a Ferrari or anything like that now. Tim told Howard he wouldn't fit in a Ferrari anyway. Tim said once he came into some money he went ahead and bought the stuff he always wanted. Tim said he's now a computer geek and buys new Apple computers whenever they come out. He said he's got his web site TimAllen.com and he's going to put up some MPEG movies of Howard up on the site later today. He took some video while he was in the studio and Howard recorded some goofy stuff for Tim. He basically said that Tim will take any woman under 24 years old. He also joked that Tim was a fag.
Howard took some phone calls for Tim and spent some more time talking to him about the kind of money he's making these days. Howard read that Tim made $12.5 million for the movie ''Joe Somebody.'' Tim said that once the money goes through the managers he gets about eleven dollars. Robin said ''Joe Somebody'' didn't do all that well and probably didn't gross $12 million. She wondered if he feels bad after taking that kind of money and not performing. Tim said he doesn't feel bad at all.
Howard asked Tim what's going on with his love life now. Howard wondered if he's dating anyone and if he brought anyone to the premiere of the new movie. Tim said he brought his daughter to the premiere.
Howard took some calls for Tim and one woman thanked Tim for giving her hope. She said Tim has given her hope because she's 46 and thinks that she may be able to date someone like Tim. Tim said earlier that he would consider dating a woman who was 50 years old. This woman seemed to think she could be that date. Howard ended up hanging up on her.
Gary came in and said he was talking to Tim's manager Rick and he has a $200,000 whiffle ball stadium in his back yard. Tim said he was even impressed when he saw this stadium. Gary said he heard that this guy Rick throws the best parties too. Howard ended up talking about how he hates going out with celebrities because he always ends up paying for meals. Gary mentioned a bunch of celebrities Howard has gone out to eat with and Howard said he paid for every meal. Howard retold the story about going out with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. They wanted to pay the tab but the restaurant told them Howard was going to pay. He didn't want to pay though but he ended up paying anyway.
Tim told Howard about hanging out with John Travolta and Michael Eisner at a baseball game. He said he likes hanging out with other celebrities once in a while. He said he hung out with Bonnie Hunt there too and would consider dating her.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he pays for meals when he goes out to eat with Howard. Robin said she pays too.
Howard continued to talk to Tim about other celebrities he's met over the years. Howard said he wants to find something that he and Tim can work together on. Tim said they could do a buddy movie or something.
Howard brought up one last thing before Tim left. Howard read that Tim bought a 26 acre campground in Michigan so they could keep it in it's current state. Howard took one last call from a woman who said Tim was great when she saw him in a comedy show he was in. Robin asked Tim if he still sees the kids he worked with on ''Home Improvement'' these days. He said he still stays in contact with them and has tried to mentor one of the kids who had a little trouble transitioning from TV life to real life. After that Howard wrapped up the interview and took a break.
After talking about that Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw the ''Jackass'' movie and was pretty freaked out by Steve-O getting paper cut on his face but he'd be willing to paper cut his scrotum for Howard's show. Howard thought that would be pretty nasty and didn't know why the guy would want to do that but he had the guys take his number.
Howard didn't think much about that scrotum call and spent some time on some other stuff. He read an article about some of the wacky names of players in the NFL. He also talked about how they talked about getting Warren Zevon on the show after hearing he was dying. He was going to do the show but now it appears he's just doing Late Show with David Letterman. Howard said he should have kept his mouth shut about getting Zevon on the show to do a farewell tribute because now Letterman has stolen the idea.
Howard talked about how a woman may have contracted the West Nile Virus after having sex with her husband who was infected. Howard went on to talk about how he's decided that there's nothing good about having sex because it can get you nothing but trouble.
Howard took some more phone calls from people who want to come in and do wacky Jackass-like stunts. Howard started thinking about it and remembered that he tried to make a video about 10 years ago that featured people doing really wacky stunts. He said he went to the heads of the company back then but they refused to put it out because it featured some video with people crapping and stuff like that. Howard said there's excrement humor in this new Jackass movie and it was put out by his company so there shouldn't be a problem with him putting out this thing he's been sitting on for 10 years. He decided to call it ''Jerkoff: The Movie'' and some of it is already done. He took about a dozen calls from guys who are willing insane stuff from coloring their eyeballs with magic markers to nailing their penis to a piece of plywood. Howard said it might be time to bring back Kenneth Keith Kallenbach who was doing Jackass-like stunts way back in 1989 for his show.
Benjy also volunteered to do some wacky stunts for this movie. He said he'd be willing to do all kinds of wacky stuff including cutting off all of his pubic hair and gluing it to his face. They said he could then walk around naked like that. Everyone had more suggestions as the morning went on. Cabbie called in and said they should put Ben-Gay on his nuts after shaving them. The stunt ideas got crazier and crazier and Howard suggested that they have him lay on the third rail of the subway and have his leg cut off. Then they'd beat him over the head with his leg. KC came in and said they could bury Benjy head first in the sand and then ''plant a tree in his gap.'' As time went on more and more people called in and asked to be part of this movie. One guy said he'd even let them kill him for the movie. Howard had the guys take down everyone's name so they could set something up.
Later in the morning Howard said that Johnny Knoxville is coming in again tomorrow so they can include him in this movie. He said Johnny can be there when they do the pubic hair thing with Benjy. Then they can use Johnny's name when they promote the movie. Howard said Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins from the Foo Fighters can also be included in the movie since they'll be coming in also.
Howard mentioned that Johnny Knoxville is coming in also and talked about the ''Jerkoff: The Movie'' thing they discussed during yesterday's show. Benjy is supposed to shave his pubic hair and glue it to his face. Then he's supposed to walk around the streets of New York City like that. Gary said Benjy doesn't seem to find this funny and he was complaining about it yesterday. Howard and the other guys thought it was funny but Benjy kept arguing. He said he knows Howard is going to goof on the way he looks and he's not so sure he wants to do that. Howard asked him if they could put IcyHot on his private parts instead. He said that's fine.
Howard said that Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters will be in with Junior the Farter later in the show.
Howard read some e-mail from people who have more ideas for ''Jerkoff: The Movie.'' One guy suggested having someone take Ex-lax and then get a massage and crap while the masseuse does her thing. There was one guy who suggested taking a dollar bill and wipe your ass with it. Then take it and put it on the ground and tape people's reaction when they pick it up. There were a bunch of other suggestions about putting stuff up Benjy's ass. Someone suggested Gary having an eating contest with a bunch of horses. Another guy said he'd be willing to be crucified for the ending of the movie. Yesterday a guy said he'd be willing to shoot himself in the head. Howard took a break after talking about all of that stuff.
After the break Fred came back with a Dracula Gottfried promo playing. Howard said he and Gilbert are going out trick or treating as Herman Munster and Dracula Gottfried.
Howard spent some time talking about ''Smallville'' and ''The Bachelor.'' Howard said he loves ''Smallville'' this season. Robin also said she's happy with the show this season after they got into a predictable pattern last season. Howard talked about ''The Bachelor'' a little bit and also brought up the Winona Ryder case. He said she was wearing a see-through shirt during her trial and he seems to think she's doing it on purpose since there are so many guys in the courtroom. Howard also said the court may have forced her to wear that so they could make sure she didn't shoplift anything else. Howard talked about how sweet and innocent Winona looks and how she's really a bad girl. Howard said she's the kind of girl only rock stars and other actors get. Howard said the jury members probably went home and ''spanked it'' after seeing her in her hot outfit.
Howard brought up the Liza Minelli show and how it got canceled because her husband was driving everyone nuts. He said Liza's husband was trying to control everything about the show and the producers had to just bail out on the whole idea. Howard and the crew talked about how disturbing Liza and David are. Howard said he wears as much makeup as Liza does. He said when they get up in the morning the pillow cases must look like an Andy Warhol painting.
Howard read a story about a French woman who was stopped at an airport in Indiana. She got so upset about being hassled through security that she stripped down right in the airport. Howard said when security showed up she laid down on the floor and wouldn't leave. Then he broke the news that she was 56 years old. Artie said when he's pleasuring himself to that story later, she'll be 26.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the shooting of Run DMC's Jam Master Jay yesterday. Howard and the guys talked about how old the rap group is and how it's kind of weird how the guy was shot. Howard changed subjects and said that he was up at 1am this morning so he ended up waking up Beth so he could have sex with her. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard said if you go to HowardStern.com where they've posted 3 pictures of Ronnie the Limo Driver passed out at Scores last weekend. Howard described the pictures and Ronnie came in a few seconds later. Ronnie said he looks dead in the pictures. Howard said he would have drawn a penis on him and done a bunch of other goofy stuff to him while he was passed out drunk. Doug Goodstein came in and said he was Ronnie's baby sitter that night. He said they were ready to do some stuff to Ronnie but his son came over and told them not to do anything to him. Doug said Ronnie's son is a big guy so they were afraid to do any of that stuff. Ronnie was pissed that Mike Gange brought a camera to the club. Howard noticed that they propped Ronnie up after taking pictures of him passed out. Ronnie thought Doug was kind of gay for checking to make sure he was alive once in a while.
Howard said they have the lamest web site with just those pictures up. Then he said it's actually kind of cool just to have a couple of things on it. Robin said you don't have to search for anything, it's right there for you.
Robin mentioned that Scores has gotten a reprieve and won't have to have the girls wear tops yet. She also asked Ronnie about the new Scores they're building. Ronnie said they plan on opening in February next year and it will have roof top parking. He said it's on the West Side on 28th St. Ronnie said they should have a monorail going from one Scores to the other. He said you could eat dinner at one and then take the monorail to the other one to have desert. Howard said Scores is like heaven for guys.
Howard said Benjy was watching late night TV and saw Cindy Margolis doing an infomercial for this guy who tells you how to make money placing ads and using 900 numbers. Howard asked Benjy how Cindy looked. He said she still looks good. Benjy said that Cindy and this guy Don Lepree say they met on the set of a movie. Howard found that hard to believe but then said he had a clip from the movie. He played the porn clip he's been playing lately where a guy is apparently peeing on this woman and she's completely grossed out by it. It wasn't really Cindy of course.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked Howard how physical the girls will get with you at Scores. Howard said they may accidentally brush against you but they don't do much more than that. The guy on the phone said at the club he goes to, the girls will sit on your lap and stuff like that. Artie said you have to go to a good club like Scores because some of the other clubs will actually speed up songs and make your lap dance last only a minute or so.
Howard took another call from a guy who thought Andy Dick was ''undressing Beth with his eyes'' on last night's E! show. Howard said he doesn't feel all that threatened by Andy Dick though. Robin said she's seen Andy's new show ''Less Than Perfect'' is actually very funny.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he has tape of that Cindy Margolis infomercial somewhere. Howard told him to send it to him when he finds it. Howard asked if anyone saw Warren Zevon on Letterman last night. Howard said Warren was going to do his show but backed out and went on Letterman instead. Melrose had tape from that appearance so Howard wanted him to play it. Melrose was all freaked out because Howard made him hang up one of his phones because he sounded kind of distant. Melrose played the clip and it turned out to be a bummer to hear Zevon talking about how he's dying. Howard ended up hanging up on Melrose.
Howard said he had a trip to give away courtesy of the new ''James Bond 007 Special Edition DVD Collection.'' Howard said he had a few ways they could give it away. He said they could play the rest of the Homeless Game they started earlier this week or they could have Mike Gange go out on the street and ask people if they wanted to come up, shave their pubic hair and put it on their face. He decided to hold off on that while he had the Wack Pack come in to show their Halloween costumes.
Howard had tape of Joey Buttafuoco explaining what happened with the fight contract and how he didn't back out. He said it was the lawyers and the crazy stipulations that were in the contract that made him not sign it. He said there were things in the contract that said if things like glass was broken in the Trump Taj Mahal, he'd have to pay for it. Joey was cursing up a storm and yelling until the end of his call when he told Gary to try and have a nice day. Nicole said she read the contract and it was very cut and dry. She said Joey is just a big pussy.
High Pitch Erik said they have a big party going on tonight at Club New York with all of them and a bunch of other people showing up. Cokie Lange was drinking Jack and Coke and wheezing up a storm while he was in the studio. Nicole was doing her Herman Munster impression and it was way to close to the real thing. Sal the Stockbroker said he's ready to take on Gary in a fight now. He's backed out in the past but now he claims that he's ready to go. He's going to have some tests done next week and if they're okay, he'll fight Gary. Gary said he's ready to do it right now. Sal said he wants to wait until Howard's birthday show to do it so he has 3 months of training. Gary tried to ask Sal what kind of athletic stuff he's done but Sal just went into his Gary impression and said he's swung from trees and stuff like that. Stuttering John said that Sal is serious about this because he told him he was coming in to announce it today. Sal said as long as the ASPCA doesn't come after him, he'll fight. Sal was shadow boxing and Gary said it's obvious he's going to lose. Howard said maybe they'll have that fight instead of the Joey Buttafuoco and Nicole Bass fight. Howard said Sal was all worn out after shadow boxing for 30 seconds. He said he doesn't need to fight Gary, he might just knock himself out. Gary said Sal was actually shaking like he'd just worked out. Howard said he had to take a break so he wrapped up the segment. High Pitch said Club New York is at 43rd and 8th for those of you who want to show up for their party.
Howard told Johnny about how he wants to rip off the ''Jackass'' thing with his ''Jerkoff: The Movie'' thing. He explained to Johnny how he had this contest 10 years ago where people did nutty things for the show and he wanted to put it out as a video. The heads of the company said ''no'' to it so it's been shelved for 10 years or so. Howard said he has a lot of stuff put together already and he's willing to have Steve-O and Johnny in the movie if they want to do that. Johnny told Howard he could have Steve.
Johnny is already set to do another movie but he'll be acting in it instead of doing ''Jackass'' stunts. He says that he doesn't want to do anymore Jackass stuff but the other guys may continue. He said he thinks that the other guys want to quit doing it too. Johnny said ''Jackass'' is definitely done but Steve-O will continue doing his videos as will Bam.
Johnny talked about how hard it was making the movie and how they would shoot for 2 weeks and then take 2 weeks off for the movie because it was so hard to get drunk, do stunts and wake up early to do it all over again.
Howard talked to Johnny about Steve-O and where they found him. Johnny said they found him working in a flea market circus and he was the saddest clown since John Wayne Gasey. He told the story about how they got Steve and how he was fired from the circus.
Howard and Artie both loved the movie and Artie said he's going to go see it two more times. Howard said Johnny really looks happy now that the movie is doing great. Johnny said he did get a call from the people at Paramount thanking them for doing so well their first weekend.
Howard took some phone calls for Johnny before wrapping up the interview. One guy said he wants to get stabbed in the stomach for ''Jerkoff: The Movie.'' Howard told Johnny he put the word out yesterday that he was thinking of doing this and he's gotten tons of calls from these crazy people who want to do even crazier stuff. Howard told Johnny about some of the crazy things these people want to do. Another caller said he wants to have his 14 year old daughter shoot his tongue with a pellet gun to pierce it. Howard said that sounds like just what he's looking for.
Howard mentioned the trip he had to give away courtesy of ''James Bond 007 Special Edition DVD Collection.'' They sent Mike Gange out to the streets of New York and had him ask people if they wanted to come up to shave their pubes and put them on their face. One guy was almost ready to do it but he said he just couldn't do it. Howard said it's tougher than you'd think to find someone. Artie told Gange he needs to go to OTB and find some desperate people.
Howard got back to Johnny and spent a few more minutes talking to him about his success. Howard said it would be great if the movie stays number one for a few weeks and knocks off some of the big movies like ''I Spy.''
KC came in and said that High Pitch Erik and Joey Boots are willing to shave their pubes and put them on their face. Howard said of course they will. Howard asked if they could put IcyHot on their private parts after that. Howard had Joey and High Pitch Erik come back in. He told them what he had in mind and wanted to find out if they were willing to do the IcyHot thing. Howard told Johnny that next week Erik is coming back in to have a porn star use a strap-on on him. Erik doesn't think that's gay. Howard got back to Erik and Joey and said Erik had to shave Joey and put the IcyHot on him. Erik was willing to do it if Joey took him on the trip. Howard almost bailed out on the idea but Joey really wanted the trip. Howard told Joey to get down on the floor and get naked. He pulled down his pants and Erik got ready to cut the pubes. Howard asked Johnny if there was any way to maximize this. Johnny said he just wasn't looking forward to seeing Joey's ''bean bag.'' Gary came in and told Erik he was going to be using scissors to cut the hair. When Howard saw that happening he told High Pitch to be careful because he almost cut him. Johnny said it would be funnier if Joey's pants were all the way down. Johnny said Joey's penis looked like an egg in a nest or a button. After Erik snipped some of the hair they said they had enough for a moustache. Howard told them to just put it on as a moustache then. They used spirit gum to attach it and everyone went nuts when they saw it. Howard said he needed more hair for a goatee. Johnny told them to get some hair from his taint area. There was a lot of ''Oh!'' and ''Ahhh!'' going on. The guys said Erik is like a spaz with the scissors. He was all over the place with the things. Joey was thrilled that he was going to Hong Kong. Someone said the hair made Joey look like a ''gay Hitler.'' Howard said he was done with the bit and didn't want to see anymore. He asked Joey where he wanted to go with the trip. Joey said it was either Hong Kong or Germany. He finally settled on Hong Kong. Howard kicked the two of them out of the studio a short time later but Joey was complaining about not having any money for the trip. Gary said they had $500 courtesy of iWon.com for them if Erik put on the IcyHot after shaving Joey. They did it and had everyone laughing like crazy but Howard made them stop half way through. They quickly had him put the IcyHot on. Johnny encouraged him to rub it in but Howard couldn't take it anymore. He said it was gross and he had to stop it.
Johnny even found the whole thing repulsive even after all of the stuff they've done on Jackass. Howard wrapped up the interview with Johnny a short time after that.
After taking a break Howard said Joey had to wash off the IcyHot and put ice on his private parts. They didn't have any ice so Gary gave him some frozen Jello treats to cool him down. Howard said Johnny told him it was one of the funniest thing's he's ever seen. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Joey and ended up giving him more money for what he'd done. They gave him a total of $2000 to share with High Pitch Erik.
After talking to Rick for a few minutes Howard got off the phone and did a few other things before Gwen called in. Gwen told Howard that she never claimed that Rick cheated on her. She said she wasn't talking about Rick on the show he was talking about. She said they didn't split up because of cheating either. She said they just weren't getting along and they had gotten married to young and they were stupid. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to her about that before he wrapped it up and had Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins come in.
Howard heard the guys are doing Letterman and he wants them to perform in the studio. Dave didn't have a problem with that so Howard told Fred to get him a guitar.
Howard talked to Dave about Courtney Love coming in and saying she didn't have a problem with Dave anymore. The new Nirvana greatest hits album is out now and they're getting along just fine. Dave talked about how it was the lawyers that were screwing things up. He said it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. He said he hasn't spoken to her since the deal was settled. He said the whole thing came down to the one last song Nirvana recorded. Once the lawyers settled on that they were done.
Dave dated Winona Ryder years ago so Howard brought that up and asked Dave what she was like when he dated her. Howard said sometimes she's really hot and sometimes she looks like a little boy. Howard said it must be great when you can get famous poon tang. Dave said that it's really not that great. Robin thought he was saying that Winona wasn't that great but he said he wasn't talking about her. Howard talked to Dave about the whole shoplifting thing and Dave gave his thoughts on that. Dave said they didn't go out all that long either. He said she was a ''sweetheart'' and didn't have anything bad to say about her. Dave told Howard he really hasn't been into heavy relationships up until now. The guys were talking to Dave about Winona and went a little to far with the questioning so Dave asked for the guitar and played a song off their new album instead. After the song Dave talked about the new album and then mentioned his girlfriend a short time later. He didn't bring her in though. He told Howard how he met her and how he was amazed that she was into him. He met her at a club out in L.A. So Artie told Howard he once saw Julian Lennon at the club trying to pick up a chick while sitting under a picture of his father John Lennon. Artie said he wasn't sure if he got the girl or not. Howard asked Dave a few more questions about picking up this girl. Dave said she's Asian so he had to go ask her father for permission. Howard told Dave to hold off on getting married and started giving Dave some advice on getting married. Howard told him that he's been dating Beth for a couple of years now. They showed Dave some pictures of Beth and he sounded like he was blown away by how hot she was. Dave ended up asking Howard about his girlfriend and if she likes anal or not. Howard changed his attitude and didn't answer. Howard joked that his girlfriend is hotter than Taylor who's pretty good looking. Taylor said he's in a relationship now also. He told Howard about how he met her when a friend brought her over to his house.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys. First up was Cabbie who claims that he was in a gang bang with Dave about 6 years ago with Courtney Love. He claims to have pictures to prove it too. He told Dave how great the new Foo Fighters CD is and also mentioned that Dave played drums for Queens of the Stone Age and that's the best rock album he's heard in years. A woman called in and asked Dave about the unreleased Kurt Cobain material. He said Courtney Love would have to release that stuff.
Junior the Farter came in to fart along to some Foo Fighter songs. Junior said he was really nervous about doing this. He was going to fart along to some Nirvana songs and some Foo Fighters songs. Junior wanted the guys to guess what songs he was farting at first. They didn't have much luck with that so Howard had Fred play some Foo Fighters music so he could fart along to that. He had a little more luck with that and the guys seemed to be enjoying it. Junior said he had one last song that he knew Dave would know. He farted a little bit and Dave actually knew it was an old Nirvana song.
Howard started to wrap up the interview and played a couple of tracks off the new Foo Fighters album. Junior jumped in and threw in a few farts over the songs. Howard told the guys they should take Junior into the studio to rerecord the songs. Howard said he liked the new stuff he was hearing. Artie yelled at Junior because he was just standing there enjoying the music. He told him this wasn't a free ride and to get busy farting. After playing a couple of songs Howard wrapped up the interview and took a break.
Howard took a call from a guy who went out dressed as Howard for Halloween yesterday. He said he yelled at people and insulted them. Another guy called in to try and talk Howard out of getting a dog. The guy tried to talk Howard into getting a bird instead. Howard wants nothing to do with it of course. The guy also asked about ''Jerkoff: The Movie'' and Howard said his agent is already out in L.A. meeting with a big film studio that wants to produce it. Yesterday Howard got a call from Trauma pictures but Howard said that's not who his agent is meeting with.
Howard said the video from yesterday of Joey Boots running to the bathroom to get the IcyHot off his private parts was very funny. He said High Pitch Erik just stared at him while he tried to get the burning sensation off.
Howard spent a little time talking about how he tries to take a nap after the show in his office. He said he puts up a big ''Do not disturb'' sign on his door but this guy Tom Gisimundo from accounting was banging on the door while he napped yesterday. Howard said he answered the door but Tom just apologized and didn't say what he wanted. Howard then went on to goof on Tom's mullet hair cut for a short time. Gary came in and said that the sign is a nice, printed sign so it's not a hand written thing that someone might overlook. Tom claims that he didn't see any sign on the door. Howard said he wants to see Tom with his hair down. Benjy said that he's seen him with his hair down and it's really nice hair. Howard complained about some of the other stuff that goes on back near his office before changing subjects.
Gary told Howard that he was out with his kids trick or treating. He said they went out and got a lot of Reese's peanut butter cups. Howard said he noticed that there were a lot of older kids out who shouldn't be out. He said that's for little kids. Gary said there are a lot of people who try to scare the crap out of you. He said one guy scared his son Jackson almost out of his outfit. Howard told Gary he should have punched the guy but Gary said he just laughed at the guy.
After taking a break Howard talked about what was coming up next week. He said they'll be playing ''Hollyweird Squares'' with some porn stars and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said Heidi Kluum was supposed to be on the show again this week but she backed out and never showed up. Howard said he announced it last week and as soon as she heard them mention it, she canceled. Howard had some phony clips made up with a woman who had a heavy accent. He pretended to interview ''Heidi'' and the phony Heidi would answer him with funny stuff. Howard spent a few minutes with that and complained that Heidi canceled. He continued to play the phony bits for a little while longer. Robin was enjoying the clips though so she told Howard to keep going with them until they started to repeat some of them.
Howard said he got a call from a record company who wants to book The Donnas for the show. Howard and Gary never heard of them so they weren't going to book them. Then the record company said they'd perform in bra and panties. Howard played some clips from their album Spend the Night and critiqued it. He was trying to figure out if he wanted them on the show or not. He said the looked good on their album cover. Howard thought it sounded pretty '80's but Artie was enjoying it. Howard said he has a bad feeling about what the girls will look like if they perform in their bra and panties. Howard said he might let them come in though. Gary showed Howard some more pictures of the band and he's still not sure how they look. Howard then said that Gary is really horny these days. He said Gary told him that the asian chick on ''Survivor'' this season is great looking. Howard said she looks like a dude and said Gary finds every chick hot. Gary said that Howard is just jaded because he's dating someone so hot. Stuttering John came in and said the Asian chick really does have a great body. Howard brought up the old chick on ''Survivor'' and said that she's only 53 but she looks like 80.
Howard got back to The Donnas and said he doesn't think he wants them in. Gary said maybe he'll try to get them to come in and perform topless. Howard said he thinks they'd have to perform topless and use strap-ons on each other for him to let them come in. Artie said they sound like Veruca Salt to him. Howard thought all the songs sounded very similar to one another. Howard said maybe they could come in and do a cover of a Veruca Salt song instead of one of their own. Howard also thinks that The Losers could beat them in a battle of the bands. Howard had Fred play one of The Losers more recent songs and said it was better than The Donnas. Howard said it sucks but they beat Corey Feldman when they battled his band. Howard wondered who signed The Donnas. Gary told him it was Danny Bush from Atlantic Records so Howard made a quick apology to him. Howard suggested that Danny come in wearing a bra and panties to get the band on. Gary said he thinks Danny would do a lot more than that to get the band on. Howard took a call from a woman who told Howard he should go to TheDonnas.com and see how hot they are. She said Howard doesn't know what he's missing. Howard said he's not having them on unless Danny Bush shaves his pubic hair, glues it to his face and puts IcyHot on his private parts. Gary told Howard Danny will call and let them know what he's willing to do.
Howard has been running this football pool for a few weeks now. The grand prize is $25,000 courtesy of BetOnSports.com. Howard got picks from everyone but William ''Refrigerator'' Perry who is missing in action. Gary said his number has been disconnected. Here are the picks for this week:
Howard read some e-mail he got about the pictures that they put up on HowardStern.com of Ronnie the Limo Driver passed out at Scores. A lot of people complained about how slow the site was yesterday. Howard said he doesn't really care because that's all they have on the site right now. There were a bunch of other e-mails about stuff that's been happening on the show lately. Someone complained about Artie's flannel shirts and how he looked like a blood tick getting ready to burst when he was on the ''Newlyweird Game'' on E! recently. Howard went through some news stories after the e-mail. He mentioned some stories about what people were dressed like yesterday. One story was about a group of college students in Tennessee who dressed in black face as the Jackson Five and upset some people. Howard also read that Sharon Osbourne wants Johnny Depp to play Ozzy in an upcoming movie about his life.
Howard had a couple of new ''The Onion Radio News'' bits that he played. In one phony news report they talk about a missing white girl bumping a missing black girl from the news headlines. At the end of the bit there was a quick ad for ''The Onion Ad Nauseam: Complete News Archives, Volume 13'' which is available now. Howard talked about The Onion newspaper they put out and how funny it is. He said they have a headline that reads something like ''Good Will Toy Bin Most Depressing Thing Ever.'' Howard read some stuff from that article and had the guys laughing. Howard played a second ''The Onion Radio News'' bit and went to commercial a short time later.
Howard moved on to Mr. Skin (MrSkin.com) and played a new Mr. Skin Minute. In the clip Mr. Skin gives us the latest ''Skinfo'' about female nudity in upcoming movies. Mr. Skin said that Heather Graham is appearing nude in an upcoming movie called ''Killing Me Softly'' and she has a nice set. Mr. Skin said he get preview copies of DVDs and movies now that he's become so big. He also gave Howard some other movie info and then Howard played the Mr. Skin Minute. In the clip Mr. Skin says the only nudity in ''The Santa Clause 2'' is Santa's sack. In the Sean Penn movie ''The Weight of Water'' Elizabeth Hurley rubs an ice cube over her naked body... 24 minutes in. Mr. Skin goes on to say that on the new DVD release of Spider-Man the movie you get to see Kirsten Dunst's wet blouse which features some amazing ''Pokieosity.'' In the straight to video movie Spider's Web Kari Wuher shows her breasts.
After playing the Mr. Skin Minute Howard moved on to Wass who is appearing in the interactive play Birdy's Bachelorette Party which is Stuttering John's wife's little creation. Howard said he saw Wass there at the show and tried talking to him but Wass stayed in character. He spent a few minutes talking to him and then took a phone call about Mr. Skin. This guy called in and said Mr. Skin was on the Don and Mike show last night and said the same stuff he's been saying on today's show. Howard was kind of bummed out by that and wondered why he'd go on those other shows that want to beat Howard. Mr. Skin said he's all about Howard's show and does the other shows after Howard's show. He started on Howard's show and only gives the Mr. Skin Minute to Howard. Howard moved on to the evaluations after talking to him about that for a short time. Howard said he's going to pummel him during the next commercial break because of that. He said Mr. Skin may have to come in and let Nicole Bass beat him like a Schmo. Howard told him he had to make a choice and pick the show he wanted to be on. He said he'd pick Howard's show.
KC brought in the first woman, Gia, who ''just got her hair did'' according to him. Howard said they don't get many black women in for evaluations. She's only 19 years old and says she has some blemishes on her body that could be air brushed out for the magazine. Gia told Howard she got a burn from a curling iron which shows on her leg. Gia was having a little bit of trouble talking so Howard asked her if she had a tongue piercing because she had some trouble speaking. She didn't think it was a problem though. Howard read some more stuff about her and she thinks that she has some stretch marks on her ass but she's never been fat. Mr. Skin thought she had a great ass though. Howard had Gia show her breasts but she wasn't so sure she wanted to show Yucko who was goofing on her teeth. She had one nipple piercing and Yucko said it looked like she fell into a tackle box. He was on a roll this morning. He was goofing on Gia quite a bit. Howard moved on to the evaluations and asked Yucko his opinion. He said he'd give her a 6 rating and goofed on her small breasts. Her knees were a little ''ashy'' according to Yucko. Mr. Skin was up next and he said if she turned around she'd be perfect for Playboy. Her face was a bit ''horseish'' according to him. Wass was next and said he'd give her a 3 or 4 rating. She's thin enough but he said her feet were bad and her toes were ''busted'' looking. He said her legs are slim but he had to go with Yucko about her ashy knees. The bruises were okay but she had a bulge in her underwear which he thought was a little disturbing. Wass said she could be in Hustler or something but not Playboy.
Up next was Allie who rates herself a 8.5. She thinks the only reason she's not in Playboy because she has tattoos. Howard read that Allie is bi-sexual and has sex with the people she lives with. She talked about that and gave Howard some of the details of how that all came about. Her story wasn't all that interesting so Howard moved on and read some other stuff. Allie runs an adult web site and does bachelor parties where they play ''butt plug ring toss'' and other odd things. Howard had her show her boobs to the guys. Howard said they were pretty big. Howard quickly went to the judges and had Mr. Skin go first. He said he had a problem with her hair. He also didn't like her piercings which looked ''sleezy'' to him. He said her face was the weakest point. He said she had a lot of forehead. He gave her a 6 rating. Yucko said Mr. Skin was right about the forehead. He gave her a 7 rating and said she's not good enough for Playboy. He said something like Skanky Clown magazine might be more appropriate. Wass was next and said he liked this one. She had some camel toe that he liked. Her ass was good according to Wass but her makeup was bad. He gave her some advice on her makeup and told her she was prettier than she was making herself look. He said she could probably do Penthouse but not Playboy. Allie got in a plug for her web site ChesterMolestHer.com. Howard spent a couple more minutes with the guys and wrapped things up after that.
After talking about his new production company Howard talked about a couple of other news stories and complained about Heidi Kluum for a few more minutes before David Blaine came in.
Howard talked about running into David at Nobu one night and how he didn't recognize him until he put on his glasses. Howard said he kind of brushed him off until Beth told him who it was. Howard said Beth remembered David hitting on her one time but David didn't remember it at all. Howard also brought up the fact that David dated Darryl Hannah. He tried to get some details about that but David didn't have a lot to say in that discussion. He said she was a great woman and didn't have anything bad to say about her. Howard tried to find out why they broke up too. He figured it was because she's 40 now but David said she's a beautiful woman. They spent quite a while talking about Darryl and the other women David has dated. He had his latest girlfriend, Manon, with him but he left her out in the green room for a little while. Howard had her come in after interviewing David for a little while. Howard said they make a very attractive couple. He told David to propose to her right then but he wouldn't do it. They've only been dating for about 2 months now. Howard asked Manon if it's tough dating David because he's a known womanizer. She didn't have a problem with that and her psychic told her she'd be meeting a guy just like him and he'd be ''the one'' for her.
Howard gave David a plug for his new book and talked about that for a short time. Howard said there are a lot of pictures in the book and he likes that. Howard said he gets bored with books that don't have enough pictures in them. Howard got back to Manon and asked her how David is in bed. She said he's great. Manon also talked about a party she went to with Heidi Kluum who was supposed to be on the show yesterday. She spent a short time talking about that.
Howard took some phone calls for David and let some people talk to him. Howard thought Manon was very hot and said he couldn't take his eyes off of her. He also noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra. Gary also brought up David's ice block stunt and how an assistant had to pull out the catheter he had in so he could pee without leaving the block. David said it was pretty painful when it came out and the air sucked out.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play the Gossip Game with him. Mike mentioned his $100,000 giveaway and heard that David was also giving away something for his book. David explained to Howard that there is a ball of gold hidden in the continental United State somewhere and there are clues in his book to help someone find it. He explained to Howard how it works and helped him figure out some of the clues. Howard wanted him to just tell him where the gold was so he could go get it. David said some of the clues are very easy but they get harder as you go along.
David told Howard one more story about Darryl Hannah and said that she was able to hold her breath for over 5 minutes one day after telling him she was good at that. Howard said he didn't believe it but David said he timed it himself.
Howard finally got to Mike again and got to the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes with David and Manon and let Manon give a plug for her jewelry before wrapping up the interview. You can visit Manon.net to check out her jewelry.