Howard brought up the fact that Jimmy Carter was given the Nobel Peace Prize. He said that the Nobel people hate this country and giving Carter the prize is a slap in the face of this country. Howard went on to talk about the country's fight against terrorists and how we're the only country willing to put up a fight against them. Howard and the crew also spent some time talking about Saddam Hussein and how guys like him never seem to go away. They talked about how Fidel Castro is still hanging in there and he's like 90 years old.
Howard said he watched the worst movie over the weekend. He saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in ''Collateral Damage'' and it was awful. He said he thought Arnold knew how to read scripts but he must have been wrong. Howard said he saw that Jon Bon Jovi was in some vampire movie but he figured there was no way that could be good so he didn't bother renting it.
Howard said he heard stories from people about Scott Einziger's wedding that happened on the weekend. Gary came in with a picture of the couple and showed it to Howard. Howard said he heard that the bride, Maya, didn't look at Scott during the wedding ceremony. People said she looked at the crowd and it was more like a performance than a wedding. Howard said people think she really just wants to be famous. Howard said he also heard that it was a ''non-traditional'' wedding which meant there was no wedding cake. Some people were pissed about that. Gary said he had a few cupcakes instead. Howard said he heard that a couple of women took their tops off while they were dancing. He heard that Doug Goodstein's wife Marlo took her top off but Doug came in and said that never happened. Howard was hearing the story from someone but Doug said he would have known about it if it actually happened. Howard heard that John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos were there too. Robin told Howard what some of the vows were and they sounded pretty wacky too. They also said Maya's ''flowers'' were actually fiber optic sticks instead of real flowers. Howard said there were a lot of speeches going on because there was a lot of family there. Everyone said that Ralph was so rude that he was the only one in the whole place that just had to eat once the food hit the table. Ralph and this guy Ross also got into an argument during some of the speeches. They traded insults for a short time before shutting up.
Howard heard that Ronnie the Limo Driver wasn't allowed to make a speech at the wedding because he was apparently kind of drunk. Ronnie said he wasn't going to make a fool out of himself and he couldn't seem to understand why he wasn't allowed to make the speech. Ronnie told Howard that Ralph gave Scott and Maya a sympathy card instead of a wedding card.
The guys continued talking about Ronnie and how he becomes a completely different person when he drinks. Howard said he drinks and he becomes a werewolf. He gets really loud according to Stuttering John.
Gary and the guys told a few other stories about Ralph and how he acted once he got out to L.A. for the wedding. He rented some flashy convertible and drove around while talking to Heidi Fleiss.
After taking a break Howard brought up the Maryland sniper who was back to shooting people last night. Howard and Robin spent some time talking about that. Howard said he'd bet that it's some kind of terrorist thing. Robin said a lot of people are trying to get flak jackets but those won't stop bullets. Robin said it's illegal to own a bullet proof vest. Howard said he owns one though. Robin said it probably won't help in this case because the sniper is taking shots to the head. Artie said that Geraldo Rivera is on the case now so he's on some news channel making a big deal out of the whole story.
Howard played a phony phone call that Joey Boots made to Pat Buchanan recently. Joey said something about being scared by these sniper shootings and then says that it's probably Jackie being upset about Artie taking his spot on the Stern show. Buchanan kind of laughs off the whole thing as they hung up on Joey.
Howard heard that Doug Goodstein and his wife Marlo stayed at the Perfect 10 mansion while they were out in L.A. Doug said nothing strange went on. He said it's like going to someone's normal house when you go there. He said that Norm has a lot of hot chicks working for him though. He told Howard how great the house is and how Norm Zadeh, the guy who runs Perfect 10, says that he's the poorest person in the neighborhood and his house is a $10 million house. Doug said that the house across from Norm's is 65,000 square feet.
Doug said that Mike Gange was there at the mansion with him. Howard said Gange gets to hang out with some really hot chicks but he never gets any of them. Howard said he saw Gange with one of these women and now she's David Schwimmer's girl. Gange just got to hang with her.
High Pitch Erik called in and brought up a few things he read in the paper. He told Howard that he came in first in the New York ratings. Artie goofed on Erik's slurred and high pitched speech for a short time before Howard hung up on him.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy asked Howard what he'd do if he got Beth pregnant. Howard said he doesn't want any more children so he'd have to abandon the child. He said he'd tell her he wouldn't want to see the kid or know the kid at all.
Howard got to the football pool and gave a quick run down of how well everyone is doing. KC has gotten 3 out of 3 picks right while Gary's son Jackson is 2 out of 3. William ''The Refrigerator'' Perry is 1 out of 3 and Artie is ZERO out of three picks! Every week so far Artie has lost.
Howard took a few phone calls and played a new version of the Anna Nicole Show theme song that they've put out. The guys also goofed on Anna for a short time before Tatsuro Abe came in.
A listener called in and reminded Howard about the conversation he had with this guy last year. Tatsuro had said something about how the Japanese attacks on Pearl Harbor were retaliation for the U.S. invasion of the Hawaiian Islands or something like that. Howard got back into that with Tatsuro for a short time but the guy's thoughts really didn't make that much sense to Howard. He told the guy that he has to straighten out his political thoughts.
Tatsuro showed everyone his Michael Jackson impersonation which is really just dancing. Everyone was laughing hysterically as he did the dancing. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to him and gave him a plug. He gave out Tatsuro's e-mail address and mispronounced his last name. He pronounced it as just abe instead of Ah-bay like it's supposed to be. If you want to book this guy for an appearance you can e-mail him at TatsuroAbe@hotmail.com
Howard brought up Jon's performance on the Grammy Awards and how it was a big mistake for him to take off his clothes. Howard asked Jon if he watched the performance after he did it. Jon said he didn't watch it to see how he did. Howard didn't seem to think it was that great of a hosting performance.
Howard brought up Jon's crying on his show The Daily Show and how Bill Maher said that when Jon Stewart and David Letterman cried on their shows, they let the terrorists win. Maher said guys should never cry on TV.
Howard had a bunch facts about Jon and found out his real last name used to be Liebowitz. Jon joked that his real name is Jewy Jewman.
Howard gave Jon a couple of plugs for some stand-up comedy gigs he's doing. He's appearing at the Beacon Theater in New York City on Saturday and he'll be in Cincinnati on Friday. (Howard said Jon doesn't even know what club he's going to be at.)
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk Curro who wondered if he's up for any FME awards. Howard said he doesn't want to tell him if he's up for anything because he doesn't want to spoil it. Howard took a few more phone calls and then had this intern come in who was really excited to meet Jon. Carey is an almost blind guy who has used medical marijuana. Howard spent some time talking to Carey about his condition and about his use of medical marijuana. He was interning up in Canada for some time and got to use it up there. He said it seems to be stronger than regular marijuana. Carey said he wasn't shaking to meet Jon, he'd run down the hall to get there and that's why he was shaking. Carey said that his dream is to be a writer on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Howard asked him if he wanted to touch Jon's face to see what he looks like. Carey said he does have some sight so he didn't need to do that.
Howard had another FME award to give away and this category was ''Best Staff Argument.'' Jon stuck around to open the envelope. Howard played clips of the nominees which included:
Howard spent a little more time talking to Jon before taking another break. He goofed on Jon and his relationship with his father for a short time. Earlier in the interview Jon was talking about how he hasn't really kept in touch with his father much lately. Howard pretended to be Jon's father calling in and told some fake stories about what he and Jon did together years ago. Jon was laughing quite a bit during the phony call. He seemed to enjoy the goofing around. Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Jon a couple more plugs for the stand-up gigs and then took a break.
After talking to Cat for a few minutes Howard had her talk about this gang bang she wants to do. She told Howard she just wants guys or women that are over 300 pounds for this thing. She said she needs about 50 people. Cat said she knows that if she sets this record, no one else will want to try and break the record.
Howard took a few phone calls for Cat about this gang bang thing. High Pitch Erik called in and said he'd like to be part of it but when he heard that he has to fly himself out to L.A. for the shoot, he said that would be a problem. Cat said that the only requirements for the people are that they weigh in over 300 pounds, they have to fly themselves out to L.A. and they have to have their own accommodations out there. Guys will also be required to take an AIDS test and use condoms during the shoot.
A few other guys called in asking to be part of the gang bang so Howard gave out the info they needed. If you're interested, just go to XXXFatGangBang.com and get the info.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and almost had a great prank call going. Some guy from Canada dialed the wrong number and thought he was calling the Customs office. Howard tried to yank him for a little while. Everything got screwed up when he told the guy he was going to transfer him to his supervisor which turned out to be John the Stutterer. John was on the phone but he screwed it all up when he told the guy to get off the air. The guy didn't even know he was on the air though. He thought he was on the phone with a Customs agent. He hung up once he realized he'd called the wrong number.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Cat and then wrapped up the interview.
After the break Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to play ''It's Just Wrong'' but she didn't have her father there to make sure it was okay with him. Howard told the woman, Gianna, that her father may have to undress her in the game and she has to be there on Friday. She sounds like she's into it so Howard put her on hold and had Gary take her info.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up last night's E! show featuring Tabitha Stevens and Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro. He said that Tabitha looked great after having a bunch of plastic surgery. Howard agrees but Robin thought there was something odd looking about her. The caller also talked about how his wife used to drop their son off at a pet store and would leave him there all day instead of getting a babysitter. He was looking to meet a woman since he doesn't have time since he has the kid all to himself now. Howard didn't help the guy out though, he just got off the phone and took more calls.
A caller asked Howard about his girlfriend and what she looks like down below. Howard was talking about how perfect her private parts are. The guy's mother picked up the phone at one point and she had a heavy accent. The guy told her to hang up but Howard wanted to talk to her. The guy said she probably heard him on the phone and woke up. Howard and the guys ended up talking about how tough it must be to grow up with parents that have heavy accents like that. Howard talked about some of the kids he knew and the parents who had accents that they goofed on as kids. ''Evil'' Dave Letterman was throwing in more of his goofy jokes and mispronouncing words as he does every time he come in. He was saying ''crystal myth'' instead of ''crystal meth'' for some reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that another lame DJ was stealing his game ''It's Just Wrong'' and calling it something else. Howard started to say that he can't believe that all of these clones steal his stuff but then cut himself off and told the guy he really didn't care.
Howard came back from break and made a few more jokes about the ''audience'' before getting to the next category. Howard had a ''Lifetime Achievement Award'' to give out. He said that ''Evil'' Dave Letterman was getting the award. Howard had a clip of Dave doing his ''Anal Top 10 List'' of things he yells out when he's getting anal sex. He also had some clips of Dave screwing up some of his jokes by mispronouncing names like Anna Kournikova and P. Diddy. He called them Anna Korkova and P. Diddley. There were a few other lines that he screwed up so Howard played those. Dave gave a lame acceptance speech and told some dopey jokes before Howard wrapped up the award.
Howard spent some time talking about the sniper down in the Virginia area. It was reported that the people who saw the sniper said he had ''olive skin'' so Howard and Robin wondered if this is possibly a terrorist or just some nut.
Howard also talked about how 100% of the people in Iraq voted for Saddam Hussein in the latest election.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) from Steppin' Out Magazine called in and told Howard that experts are saying that the sniper is probably not a terrorist because they tend to kill people in large groups, not one at a time. Howard ended up goofing on Chaunce about how he must be right if ''Steppin' Out'' is reporting something like that. Howard also goofed on Chaunce about how he's writing a book about strip clubs that's going to expose stuff about the clubs that guys are supposed to keep quiet.
Howard may have some bad news about the Bon Jovi Bukkake Scores Party that he talked about last week. He said that Tom Chiusano has done something that may put a stop to the party. Yesterday Howard was threatening to quit over the controversy but he was unable to get hold of Tom after the show so he didn't quit. He said he's going to try and salvage something from the mess but he may end up quitting today. Howard said that Tom is a big problem there at the station and other people are saying the same thing. Howard said he wants to get rid of Tom but Mel Karmazin is holding them back from getting rid of the guy. Howard pointed out that Tom is the guy who lost a fight against his suit. He was referring to Tom punching his suit and breaking his finger when he hit the door behind the suit recently. Howard got Chaunce off the phone and took a break a shot time later.
After the break Howard came back and read some e-mail, took some phone calls and told some stories. He talked about the party he went to over the weekend for his 50 year old gay cousin Stacey. Howard said that the party was the reason he couldn't go to Scott Einziger's wedding over the weekend. He told a story about how he doesn't like being fussed over at events like this but this one transvestite at the wedding kept bugging him to dance with him. Howard said he did dance with the guy a couple of times but he eventually had to put a stop to it so he could just relax and enjoy the party.
Howard took a break and Yucko called back in. He said he was getting freaked out by the whole situation down there for some reason. Howard told Yucko to call them back once he gets shot. For updates on Yucko's location check out the DamnShow.com web site.
Kelly said she wanted a date with some guy that called into the show one time who had lost his arms but Howard told her he had the perfect guy for her, this guy Erik the Midget who calls in once in a while. She wasn't interested in him so Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who was interested. Kelly wasn't interested in him either. Another guy called in and said he doesn't have any teeth and has hemorrhoids. He said he lost his teeth to gum disease. Kelly wasn't interested in him either. She thought Howard was going to help her out with the armless guy. Howard told her he'd try to hook her up with that guy and do a dial-a-date with them or something in the studio.
Howard said that Stephanie McMahon is coming in tomorrow so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about her and what it must be like to be the daughter of Vince McMahon. Howard said she'd be a big score for some dude. It sounded like Howard would like to go out with her but he said she tends to date the wrestler-types. Howard and the guys spent a couple more minutes talking about some of the other guests that are coming up this week before taking another break. Robin and Howard talked about Eddie Murphy and how he's working on a remake of ''I Spy.'' Robin talked about how odd Eddie has gotten lately with his weird affected voice and his attitude. Howard said that he'd put a black guy with a retard in that ''I Spy'' remake.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the VH-1 Fashion Awards that were on last night. He brought up Christina Aguilera and how slutty hot she is. Howard and the guys spent some time comparing Christina and Britney Spears. ''Evil'' Dave asked if anyone else thinks about oral sex after watching an Aerosmith video. Every joke the guy told just went nowhere but they were funny. Stuttering John said the Fashion Awards were really gay. He said they did an ''exposé'' on some designer. The guys pointed out that wasn't the right word for what he was talking about. He changed it to ''montage'' after the guy on the phone helped him out.
Howard said that he's thought about making remakes of movies like ''The Wizard of Oz'' with people who just don't belong in them. He said he'd have High Pitch Erik as the Wizard in the movie and the chick with no legs as Dorothy. Howard also brought up a couple of other movies like ''An Officer and a Gentleman'' with Beetlejuice and Wendy the Retard, ''Ghost'' with Mark Harris and Nicole Bass or ''Lethal Weapon'' with Beetlejuice and Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said he can also picture Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro as 007 in the James Bond movies.
After taking a break Gary came in and told Howard the girl who called in early this morning who wants to play ''It's Just Wrong'' sent a picture and she looks really good. She said she spoke to her father and they can come in on Friday. Howard said they now have 3 father/daughter teams set to play the game on Friday.
Howard took a call from some guy who was trying to tell Howard he'd be willing to give up an hour of Leno and an hour of Craig Kilborn for another half hour of Howard or something like that. Howard didn't have a clue as to what the guy was talking about though. He finally figured out the guy was trying to compliment them but it took him an hour to say it. Another guy called in to complain about ''Evil'' Dave but he also had a hard time making any sense.
Howard took a call from a woman who saw an article that was written about Howard in the Daily News yesterday. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the article and how he's waiting to buy a dog because he's got a few vacations coming up over the next 6 months or so and he believes he needs to be around for the dog while it's still a puppy. He said he was on a couple of web sites buying hundreds of dollars worth of dog books. Fred said that he's been reading books on being a father since his wife is pregnant. Howard said he's probably reading books on how to raise a human baby since he's from Mars. Howard said Fred is also going to La Maas classes with his wife. Howard told Fred he's read that La Maas is the worst technique to use when having a baby. Gary came in and said they went to 5 meetings for La Maas and it was a complete waste of time. They didn't even bother using any of the techniques with either of their two kids.
A 17 year old girl called in and asked Howard what a PAP smear was. She said she doesn't want to ask her mother what it is so Howard tried to explain it. He told her the gynecologist take a ''wipe'' of her private parts, examine it and try to find anything that's wrong. Robin corrected him and said they take a stick and scape some cells off the side of a woman's cervix and then examine it to see if the cells are normal. Howard told her it hurts which she didn't seem to like hearing. The girl said she has to do this so she can get birth control pills. Robin warned her that they're going to do more than just the PAP smear. She said they do all kinds of tests including a breast exam and a manual exam of the vagina where they press on your stomach while searching around inside with their hand. The 17 year old didn't know what all of that had to do with her having unprotected sex. Howard got off the phone a short time later because Gianna the 25 year old and her father called in.
Gianna is the girl who called in early this morning who wants to play ''It's Just Wrong'' with her father Joe. Her father, who said he's 57 years old, said he's ready to play but hopes he won't have to undress his daughter. Howard asked Joe what the hottest part of his daughter was. He said her eyes and legs are great. It's already wrong and they haven't started the game yet. Howard told them they'd see them on Friday and got off the phone.
After Howard took a break Robin was out of the elevator and in the studio. Howard said she didn't seem too traumatized by the situation according to Howard.
Howard brought up the Maryland sniper story and spent some time talking about that. He said that a lot of people are now thinking that it's some kind of terrorist attack. He's been saying that since the beginning. Howard also said that someone was saying that anyone with the right gun and a few practice shots could be as accurate as this guy. Howard said it's not a good idea to say that because now the guy is going to start doing trick shots where he takes out more than one person at a time with one bullet.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Winona Ryder court case and about Bob Guccione and the financial troubles he's been having.
Howard brought up Stephanie McMahon and how a lot of people are excited that she's going to be on the show today. Robin and Howard talked about how wrestling seems to be losing it's popularity for some reason. Howard said that happens once in an while. Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said he wants him to tickle Stephanie's feet when she comes in. Howard said he'd try to do that.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that this sniper that's in the news probably isn't an Arab like news reports are saying. Cabbie said they're probably doing that to get the guy pissed off so he screws up and shows himself when he gets upset that they're calling him an Arab when he's just a white guy or something. Howard and Robin argued that the sniper is picking off regular people and that's the type of thing terrorists want to do. Cabbie said that the gun the guy is using is tough to kill people with so this guy has to know what he's doing to kill all of these people. He still says he doesn't think it's a terrorist though.
High Pitch Erik called in and said that he made a phony phone call to Cabbie the other day. Cabbie said nothing really happened when Erik called him as James Earl Jones. Erik did his impression and he had a normal sounding voice for a few seconds. Howard asked him why he doesn't talk like that all the time. He said it would hurt his voice to talk like that. Howard had him do a few more lines in that voice and said he sounded just like James Earl Jones.
Cabbie said that he's going to be hanging out with the guys from ''Jackass'' at some car wash this morning. They're promoting their new movie by washing people's cars.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up this week's ''Smallville'' episode. Howard thought the episode was really good even though the description of the show was kind of lame sounding. He said Clark Kent was effected by red kryptonite but they did a good job with the episode.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to tell Howard a story about Tom Chiusano. He first told Howard about the Bob Guccione mansion and how he's been banned from there after he broke some kind of turtle statue there. That led to Howard talking about how Robin has all kinds of elephant statues all over her home. They talked about that for a short time. Chaunce then got to his story about Tom Chuisano. Chaunce said a few years ago Tom called him and wanted to know what his ''key to success'' was because he was thinking of starting his own magazine or something. Chaunce said he didn't think it was all that interesting until he told Stuttering John about it yesterday. Howard said that's what's wrong with Tom. He didn't go to a Hugh Hefner or a Bob Guccione about magazine advice, he went to Chaunce Hayden of Steppin' Out... a free newspaper that's still stuck in New Jersey. Howard thought that was a pretty funny story. He said it was almost as funny as Tom talking to God and telling him he wasn't going to masturbate anymore after his battle with cancer.
Gary came in and said that they just got a call from Tom Gisimundo who works at the station and he said he and Vinnie Favale were the ones who called Chaunce. Chaunce said that was a more recent call and it was Chiusano who called him years ago. Howard figured Tom was thinking that he'd be able to break away from the company by going with his own magazine. Nothing ever came out of it though so Howard is still stuck with him.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about what his magazine was going to be about. It was going to be a commuter magazine that would be available at train stations around the New York area. He gave Howard some of the ideas while all of the guys just laughed at him. Howard took a break after the call.
After the break a guy called in and said that there was a news story about some guy who went to a prostitute and it turned out to be his daughter. Then the guy had a heart attack and when he was in the hospital, his wife filed for divorce. The guy suggested that Howard get that guy and his daughter to play ''It's Just Wrong.''
After the song Howard got to the latest category which was ''Most Embarrassing Staff Admission.'' Here are the nominees:
Tom Chuisano came in and said that Chaunce is a liar and he never called him about starting a magazine like he said earlier. Chaunce called back and said he couldn't believe Tom was saying that and continued to say that he was telling the truth. Tom ended up walking out of the studio a minute later because he didn't want to argue with Chaunce.
Howard killed some more time taking phone calls and doing some other stuff. He took a call from Wendy the Retard who told him she wants to make phony phone calls. She told Howard she wants to call McDonalds and ask them if they have burritos. She said then she'd ask them if they have lobster and thank them for talking to her. Howard told her she's got to do that. Wendy had a phone already hooked up and she made the call right then. She was surprised when the place she called actually did have burritos. Wendy didn't really do anything funny with her call, she just asked them how they prepare the burritos and thanked the woman for talking to her.
After taking another break comedian Dave Chappelle came in to hang out. Howard gave him a couple of plugs for his upcoming comedy gig with Jim Bruer and Robert Schimmel. Howard then gave away another FME. The next category was ''Best Celebrity Bashing Of Another Celebrity.'' The nominees were:
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten about the show lately. He said they've gotten a lot of e-mail about ''Evil'' Dave Letterman and the audience seems to be split on whether they love him or hate him. Howard also got some e-mail about High Pitch Erik and how he shouldn't have him on anymore. He also got some about the E! show with Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro. The E! people had to slip in a public domain song over the music they used when Jeff sang a song to Tabitha Stevens and they thought that was pretty lame. Howard went through a few other e-mails and took a couple of phone calls before taking another break. One caller told Howard about this woman who was getting alimony checks from her ex-husband that always had brown spots on it. It turned out to be fecal matter so the woman tried to sue her ex over it. The judge ruled that it was still legal tender so she couldn't sue over him not paying her even though there was crap on it.
Howard said Stephanie looks about 10 years old even though she's 18. Howard asked her if Flash is also her lover but she said ''no'' to that. Flash told Howard he found Stephanie by accident. Stephanie was going out with a friend of his and one day she walked by him and queefed. He asked her if she could do it on command so he timed her number of queefs and thought she was pretty amazing. He then hooked her up with the Stern show. Dave Chappelle asked if it's considered cheating if a woman queefs for a guy who's not her boyfriend. Howard thought that it might just be cheating but Flash didn't think so. Howard asked Stephanie a couple of questions but Flash was much more talkative than she was. Howard finally had Stephanie do her thing for them. Howard said she was an attractive woman but very young looking.
Stephanie got in her queefing position, standing up like a super hero, and she did her thing. She queefed out Howard's name but he kind of missed it. It wasn't quite Howard's name but it had the right number of syllables. Flash told Howard that he wanted Stephanie to set a new queefing record but Howard didn't have time to do that today so he just wanted her to do her thing. They played some music and she blasted out a couple of queefs. She wasn't playing along to the music, she didn't seem to have much control over the queefs at first. Then Howard sang a Billy Joel song and she queefed along to it. Then she took control over her private parts and played along to the music. Howard told her she did a great job.
Howard heard that Debbie the Queefer is now playing the trombone with her private parts so Howard couldn't crown Stephanie the queen of queefs quite yet. Howard gave Flash a plug for his band's web site which is at SuperDose.com
About 10 minutes later Stephanie walked in. Howard immediately got into the interview with her before taking a break. Howard asked her how old she was first off. She's 26 years old and Howard said anyone who marries her should just back the Brinks truck right up to her father's fortune. Howard went on to ask Stephanie about dating Triple H from the WWE. Howard asked her if she's ever done anything other than work for the WWE. She said she's been working for them since the age of 12 so she hasn't had any other jobs.
Howard also brought up Chyna (Joanie Laurer) and how she's kind of upset with Stephanie for taking her man Triple H away from her. Stephanie knew about it and had nothing bad to say about Chyna. Howard and Robin wondered if she thought Triple H was kind of strange for dating a ''she-man'' like Chyna. Stephanie told Howard she's always thought that Chyna was beautiful and not a ''she-man'' like Howard called her.
Howard asked Stephanie how she and Triple H hooked up and how her father felt about it. She told Howard that her father was okay with the relationship at first but then had them break up because he wasn't that thrilled with her dating a wrestler. They broke up and got back together when they all realized they were in love with each other.
Howard asked Stephanie about what it was like growing up as the daughter of Vince McMahon also. She talked about her schooling and said she had a pretty good life growing up. She said she's been around during the time that her father has had money so things have been good.
Stephanie is one of the writers for the WWE and has even wrestled a bit. That's how she got so involved with Triple H while they were working together.
Howard played tape of Chyna talking about Stephanie the last time she was on the show. Chyna said that Stephanie kind of let her down by dating Triple H. She also said some stuff about Triple H and how he's going to have to kiss ass while she's dating Stephanie.
Howard gave Stephanie a couple of plugs for some WWE events. He mentioned tonight's season premiere of ''Tough Enough 3'' on MTV which airs tonight. Sunday there's a pay-per-view event called ''No Mercy.''
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Stephanie and the first one was about the accidental ''nip slip'' Stephanie had when she was wrestling. She talked about that and her breast implants. She said she lost quite a bit of weight and her boobs started to look like ''melted packets of butter'' so she got implants. Howard took a few other calls and a bunch of people asked her to show her boobs and whether or not she likes anal sex. Stephanie said she'd try anything so if Triple H wanted to have anal sex, she'd go for it. Sal the Stockbroker called in, using his regular voice, as a female body builder who wants to be a wrestler. Howard went along with that for a few seconds before hanging up on him. Erik the Midget called in and gave Stephanie some lame suggestions for what the WWE could do to make the shows better. He said something about putting bands on between matches or something like that. Howard ended up asking Erik about whether he's masturbated to Stephanie's image or not. At first he didn't admit to it but Howard got him to confess. Howard took a few more calls for Stephanie and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard talked to Colin about his stand-up comedy career. Colin said when he gets introduced they say you know him from SNL but people now know that he's not on there.
Colin is friends with Stuttering John so they go out to lunch once in a while. Howard said Colin has a great story about a priest that he heard from Stuttering John. Colin said he wasn't all that young when it happened. He was in his early teens when this gay stuff happened. He said he was pretty experimental at that age. He said he and his friends would use their hands on each other. Robin wondered how that comes up between two guys. Howard said it almost happened to him when he was a kid but he didn't do anything. After hearing the bits and pieces of the story Howard said there's a sitcom in there somewhere. Colin said he wasn't innocent in the whole thing so he knew what was going on and that it was wrong. Stuttering John came in and said that Colin was being a little bit shy and that he actually pleasured a Priest one time. Colin said that's not quite true. He said the Priest may have touched his private parts and of course it felt good. Someone called in as Colin's priest but his impression was so bad that Howard just hung up on him. Colin said his accent sounded Russian or something.
Colin also had a story about being picked up by a transvestite one time. He got oral from that dude. He said his experimental sexual stuff was done by the time he was 15 or so.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Colin and then took a break. Colin stuck around to hang out during Robin's news segment.
After taking a break Howard said they were waiting for Dennis Rodman to call in to promote the Exotic Erotic Ball. That led to the guys wondering if Dennis has to do stuff like that to make money these days. Stuttering John came in and he said he's done a couple of the Exotic Erotic Balls and he doesn't think Dennis could possibly be making much money from doing them.
Howard talked about Lee Ermey who played Sgt. Hartman in ''Full Metal Jacket'' coming in and played some of the prank calls some guy made using clips of Ermey's voice yelling at people to goof on the people he called.
Howard changed subjects and talked about this Maryland Sniper and the reports that the eyewitness who gave a description of the sniper is nuts and didn't even see the guy. Howard said it's got to be a criminal offense to do something like that.
Howard said he thought that Nicole could have kicked Joey's ass in the fight but now it's not going to happen. Nicole said Joey must be afraid to get in the ring with her and that's why he won't sign the contract. Nicole told Howard she now sees why he can't deal with Tom. She went off on Tom a little more and pointed out how he just argues over stuff that's just not true.
Bobo goofed on Nicole and said she's going to have to go back to wrestling schmoes in their houses again to make money. She agreed and still couldn't get over the way Tom treated her. She kept saying that there's something wrong with that man.
Howard told Nicole that if she brought her dad down to the studio they could play ''It's Just Wrong'' and he could undress her. Nicole said she doesn't know where her father is and the last time she saw him, he was in jail. She said they didn't get along and he didn't like her husband. She said she could tell Howard a lot of stories about her family.
Nicole said she thinks that Joey just couldn't get ready for the fight so he dropped out of the fight by not signing the contract. Nicole signed everything and bragged about that while she was on the phone.
Howard said dealing with the whole thing was creepy to him and he wouldn't want to do the fight even if Joey signed the contract the way it is now. Artie told Nicole she could always go to Joey's house and wrestle him. He then renamed Joey ''Schmoey Buttafuoco.''
Robin said she was sad that the fight was canceled. Howard said he was looking forward to it too but it's done. Nicole said if you want to wrestle her you can check her out at NicoleBass.com. Dan the Song Parody Man also sent me a link to his site where you can hear the message Tom Chiusano left for Nicole about the cancellation. Here's the link to Dan's site: onlinerock.com/musicians/songparodyman/index1.shtml
Howard said Robin is the only person he knows who has seen Nicole's private parts and he'll never forget the look on her face after she saw that. Even Robin wasn't quite sure what she saw that day. Nicole did take a DNA test and she is a female no matter what Robin saw down there.
Howard said he pitched an idea to Mel Karmazin about his wack pack movie remake ideas. He talked about this yesterday and Wednesday. For example he would put Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro and Nicole Bass in a remake of ''Swept Away.'' They recorded some audio of the two of them acting out some scenes for the movie that Howard played and narrated. He gave the details as he played the clips. After playing the clips a guy called in and said he could direct some shorts for Howard pretty cheap if he wanted to put something together. He's willing to direct and said he's represented by the same agent Howard uses, Don Buchwald. Howard said he'd check with his agent and see what happens. Howard said he tried talking to Mel about these films and Mel just walked away and left.
After doing the bit Howard gave Ermey a plug for his show ''Mail Call'' which airs on the History Channel on Monday nights at 8pm. You can find more info at HistoryChannel.com. Ermey stayed in character through the whole thing and before leaving he went off on Artie and Howard again. He told Artie he was so greasy that it looked like he washed himself with a funnel cake. He also went off on KC again about being stupid. Howard gave Ermey another plug and talked to him a little bit about this show of his. He said he's having a lot of fun doing the show. Howard also told him how great he was in ''Full Metal Jacket.'' Ermey said that most of the lines he used in the film were written by him. Howard asked him if he ever does his Sgt. Hartman character in bed with his wife. He said he never got off on doing that, he likes to say cuddly things to his wife in bed. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Howard also talked about the news that Osama bin Laden has trained his people as snipers so it is possible that the sniper down in the Maryland area is part of the Al Quada.
Howard talked about the Sgt. Hartman bit and how funny Artie and KC were when they read their lines. They weren't really acting when they read their lines. They just read the lines.
Howard read some e-mail about Colin Quinn's appearance yesterday. He admitted that he used his hand on some guys when he was much younger. There were quite a few angry e-mails about the stories Colin was telling.
There were other e-mails about Robin's new look. She's wearing glasses now and looks pretty good with them on. Robin said Scott DePace came up to her the other day and said the glasses make her look ''smarter than she actually is.''
Howard said he was going to take a quick break and come back to play the most wrong game they've ever played on the show... ''It's Just Wrong'' Father/Daughter Edition.
Howard introduced the couples when he started the segment. First up were Tony and Billy Sue. Billy Sue is only 19 years old. She told Howard her father approached her about playing the game. Tony told Howard he sees his daughter naked all the time because they go to the beach and skinny dip with a bunch of other people. Tony said he knows that it's just wrong to do what he's going to be doing. Tony said that Billy Sue didn't have a problem playing the game at all. Billy Sue said that her mother was out in the green room and she doesn't have a problem with it either.
Howard then introduced couple number two, Dwayne and Andrea. Andrea is 22 years old. She told Howard she doesn't have a boyfriend right now. Andrea said she heard the show and her father also heard it. She was kind of disgusted by the idea when she heard it on the radio but when her father told her the prize was $10,000 she said ''let's do it!'' Dwayne said he's seen his daughter nude recently and she keeps her private parts pretty well trimmed. Andrea said she told her mother about this and she's not too thrilled. Her parents are divorced so she was the one to tell her mother about it.
Finally they had Donald and Valerie. Valerie told Howard that she's just doing this for the money. Her father said this doesn't bother him a bit because he saw her naked as a baby. Valerie said her father has some vision problems but he denied that. He said he wasn't sure why she was saying that. Valerie, who's only 23, has 3 kids so she can use the money. Gary told Howard about that and wondered if they're all from the same father. She said her first two are with one guy and the latest one is with her fiance. She said she asked her mother to watch her kids so she knows what she's up to today.
Howard got right into the game and asked the questions. Here's how it went:
A listener called in and asked if Howard was going to do anything else with the father/daughter teams. Howard and Gary said they weren't sure they wanted to see that. When Gary asked the losing fathers if they'd be willing to spank their daughters for $3,000 they said yes.
Today's ''It's Just Wrong'' is scheduled to air on E! next Thursday and Friday, October 24-25.
Gary made one last offer of $1000 for two of the daughters to kiss each other. Two of them went for it and Dwayne said it looked good. Billy Sue and Valerie were the two that kissed. Howard wrapped up ''It's Just Wrong'' after the girls did their thing.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever thinks about possible brain damage from all of the head injuries he's had. Johnny said he doesn't think about that stuff.
Howard talked to Johnny about the new movie and found out that they show a lot more nudity, mostly guys, and show more stuff going in and coming out of the guys. He said one of the stunts was turned down by Steve O because his father threatened to disown him if he did it. Johnny said Ryan Dunn took over and did the stunt instead. He said you'll never look at toy cars and Ryan Dunn the same after you see the stunt.
Howard also spoke to Johnny about the money he didn't make with ''Jackass.'' Howard read that MTV and Comedy Central had a bidding war over ''Jackass'' before it hit TV. Johnny said there still wasn't much money being offered. He said it was like they were throwing nickels and nickels at him with the offers they were making. He said he's making a little bit more with the ''Jackass'' movie. He can make quite a bit if the movie does well.
Howard read something about Johnny's father being the inspiration for these nutty stunts he does. Johnny said his father once heated up a hot dog to make it just warm enough to be body temperature. He then dragged it across Johnny's lips as he slept. When he woke up Johnny saw his father zipping up his pants.
Howard read that Johnny once turned down a spot on Saturday Night Live. Johnny said that if he'd taken the spot it would have meant breaking up the ''Jackass'' guys so he didn't take it.
Howard took a few phone calls for Johnny and Mike Walker from the National Enquirer also called in to play his game. Mike said for the first time he's on the cover of the National Enquirer to promote their $100,000 giveaway. They all spent a short time talking about Johnny hanging out with Heather Graham one time. They didn't do anything other than hang out according to Johnny. They eventually got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Gary brought in a couple of women who wanted to meet Johnny. They work at the station but Howard's never seen them before. They were really hot and Howard wondered why they hide them in the back offices. He asked them if they'd let Johnny bang them if he wanted to. They were thrilled to meet them but they didn't want him to bang them. Howard spent a few more minutes with Johnny before wrapping up the interview. Johnny told Howard that he's done with the whole ''Jackass'' thing for now. He said he may continue to do the stunts but he'll probably just show the tapes to his friends. He said Steve O and some of the other guys will probably continue to put out videos of their stuff though.
Stuttering John came in and said he wanted to offer KC $1000 today for the chance to split the $25,000 grand prize if he wins. KC turned him down so John tried to jinx him by saying that he knows KC is going to win. KC told him to shut up so John kept saying it over and over again to make sure the jinx took hold.