Howard talked about his visit to the Dysfunctional Family Picnic concert last Friday. He said the cool thing for people to do is just use the f-word up on stage. Howard said that DJ Julie Slater, who comes on after him, was using the f-word like crazy and it really surprised him. Howard and Robin were both yelling and screaming while they were there also. Howard also brought up how Gary was looking weird in his clothes. He was wearing cub scout shorts with his Puma sneakers and his socks pulled up to his knees. He said that Tom Chiusano was dressed nice after everyone goofed on him last week about what he's worn in the past. Howard said it was a bad idea to tell him how goofy he looked because he ruined the whole thing.
Howard spent some time talking about Crazy Cabbie going on stage and yelling about nothing important. Howard said that a lot of guys at the show looked like Cabbie also. He told Cabbie that he looked like the drummer from Papa Roach but Cabbie says he looks better than that guy. Howard didn't want to argue with that crack addict.
Howard said he went to use a bathroom where the band Staind was hanging out and he almost got hit by glass bottles that were being thrown. Someone went to find out what the problem was and the drummer from the band was upset that their set sucked. The guy said they really wanted to play well in front of Howard because they're big fans of his. Howard calmed him down and said that they sounded great. He told the guys that it was probably just the fact that their station, K-Rock, had put the show together. Gary said it sounds like their show every day. There were headphones squealing and feedback and all of that good stuff... just like the Stern show.
Howard was also talking about this guy from Papa Roach who's hand was blown up to twice the size of normal. The guy said it got infected and blew up. Howard said the guy is always drunk when he sees him too.
Howard said that Gary is looking fat again. He said he didn't even recognize Gary there because he looked so different. He said he just looked like a big fat guy at the concert.
Stuttering John said that Howard's 15 year old daughter has really ''grown'' and she looks much older than 15. Howard moved on from that subject before John got carried away talking about how hot his daughter is.
Howard said that DJ Chris Booker was looking really bad. He said that Booker might be partying too much. He said that Booker works on MTV and he needs to look good so he doesn't know what's going on there. On the other hand, Cane, Crazy Cabbie's boss, was looking hot according to Howard and Robin. Howard said Cane was wearing a muscle shirt because he's working out so hard now.
Scott the Engineer was having problems getting his kid back stage. He didn't have a back stage pass so Stuttering John had to help him out. Even after Scott got one himself they wouldn't let his kid come back with him unless he had one. John eventually felt so bad for Bad-Luck-Scott that he gave him his pass so he wouldn't look bad in front of his kid.
Howard was going to play tape of some of the DJs talking between bands from the concert but it turns out they shut off their recording equipment between sets for some reason. Howard said whoever did that is a douche.
Howard never did get to see Stone Temple Pilots on Friday night. He was dead tired by 9pm and STP didn't go on until an hour or so later. He did hear about Scott Weiland coming out dressed like a woman. You can see pictures of some of this stuff at KRockRadio.com. A phone caller told Howard that there was no alcohol allowed into the event. It was held at a state park so that explained that to the guy even though there were some smart people who snuck some in.
Howard was really pissed that no one recorded the DJs between bands. He just couldn't understand it. Gary told him it was some production guy's idea not to record that stuff. Howard said he'd never even heard of this guy Stone who made the decision. The one guy that they did record was Howard up on stage. Howard made fun of the equipment and how bad it sounded as he was about to introduce a band. Howard also talked about how there was no drinking, drugs or sex going on back stage.
Howard's daughter graduated High School over the weekend. The night before that Howard went to eat at Nobu and someone there told him that Billy Crystal was going to be there in an hour. Howard and everyone have been goofing on Billy for the past few weeks so Howard wanted to be out of there before Crystal showed up. Howard said Billy came in but he was seated at the opposite end of the restaurant. Robin was hoping that they'd run into each other because it would have been funny. Howard has been playing tape of an impersonator who does Billy saying ''It's not fun, it's just not funny'' or something like that. They've been goofing on an old interview Stuttering John did with Billy where he said that and it's caught on lately. Howard said he can't believe how many times a day he says ''It's just not fun, it's not funny...''
Shannon said that she recently told her parents about her dancing and her mother cried. She was embarrassed for her daughter and she shed tears over it. Shannon told her parents that she's comfortable doing what she's doing and they shouldn't be upset about it.
Howard asked Shannon if she can give him a ''knee job'' when she dances for him and she said ''Sure!'' Howard also kiddingly asked her if she could slap his face with her boobies.
Howard talked about how he wears black sweat pants to get lap dances. That way he has room to move and if he has an accident in his pants, He can kind of hide it. He also said Shannon will be able to tell if he's had an accident if he holds his jacket in front of his pants when he leaves.
Shannon told the guys that she's started to get disgusted with men because she's seen that all they want is sex. Howard told her that's all any guy ever wants. He said women can kid themselves and think that men want more but they really don't.
Shannon said that she's even dated a customer she had but she never had sex with the guy. They made out and went on a couple of dates but she ended up not liking the guy.
Howard was planning on video taping some of the dancing Shannon was going to be doing so he could put it up on the web to ''test'' out a streaming video site for him but Shannon says she doesn't want her boobs on the web. Howard won't be doing the test that way. Maybe some other time.
Howard spent most of the short interview talking to Murray about his bag and all of the famous women he's dated. Murray told Howard that he was a comedian and a club owner and when times were tough he decided to do the Gong Show. When he did that he didn't want anyone to know that he was on the show so that's where the paper bag thing started.
Howard asked Murray about some of the people he didn't like in the business. The two names that came up were Sonny Bono and Billy Crystal. Murray worked on the ''Sonny and Cher'' show back when that was on and he says that Sonny was a real prick. He was very arrogant. Billy Crystal is the same way according to Murray. Howard agrees with him of course.
Murray also talked about his 2 failed marriages which lasted from 3 months to one and a half years. He has two kids out of those two disasters though.
Murray talked about how David Letterman started his career at his club. He said he knew Letterman would be huge someday. Howard also found out that Murray dated Jay Leno's wife before they were married. He went out with her after meeting her at a comedy club. He also dated Jay's ex-girlfriend just recently. Howard then went on to ask Murray about some of the famous women he's dated such as Lucy Arnaz, Debra Winger, Deidra Hall and a couple of others. Howard kept asking Murray ''was she a good lay?'' about a couple of the women but Murray would just keep talking about other stuff and ignore the question. It was actually kind of funny.
Murray also did a bunch of his one-liners that he used to do in his act which Howard found pretty funny. Howard wrapped up the interview in about 20 minutes for some reason.
Vinnie Favale was in to play the Mariah Carey tapes this morning but, once again, Howard was unable to get to them so he told him to come back tomorrow.
Tomorrow night's ''Son of the Beach'' episode, ''The Sexorcist'' is pretty funny according to Howard. He promoted that real quick for few seconds. He also said that he's working on a bunch of TV shows.
A caller brought up Sam Kinison and said he used to hang out with him. Howard was waiting for Craig Gass to wake up and do his Sam voice but Craig remained silent. Craig said that his voice was shot and he was also waiting for a good time to come in with a voice that he could do. No Sam though. Howard wondered why he even came in. Craig said he wanted to hang out.
Perry Farrell's (Jane's Addiction) sister Stacy called in after hearing Howard talk about her big breasts earlier in the show. Howard said he saw her dancing on the side of the stage on Friday at the Dysfunctional Family Picnic and said she was pretty hot. He spent a few minutes talking to her on the phone. She said that she wanted to meet Howard but she wasn't allowed in the VIP area that Howard was in. Howard wondered if she would have let him put his fingers in her halter top. She just laughed.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls including one guy who was about to commit suicide but quickly decided against it. He couldn't hear a word Howard was saying because he was on a cell phone. He told Howard that his show is just so great that he's decided not to kill himself. Howard was relieved because he hates taking suicide phone calls.
Ian Hunter from Mott the Hoople came in to promote his new album ''Rant'' which is out now. Ian and a few of his band mates came in and spoke to Howard for a couple of minutes before performing a live acoustic version of ''All the Young Dudes'' for Howard. Ian and the guys played a shortened version of the song and even Howard sang a line or two.
Howard spent a little bit of time talking about how David Bowie gave these guys the song ''All the Young Dudes'' just because he was a fan of the band. It went on to be a huge success for the band.
The guys went on to play a song off of their ''Rant'' album called ''Washes Away'' which sounded better than the other song. Howard talked to the guys for another few seconds and plugged Ian's web site IanHunter.com before wrapping up the interview after about 15 minutes.
Howard moved on to talk about the movies that were out this weekend and how much money they made. Howard was surprised that ''The Fast and the Furious'' made $41 million. ''Tomb Raider'' dropped down to $20 million for the weekend. It got awful reviews so it might have stopped some people from going. ''Dr. Doolittle 2'' only did about $26 million and Howard thinks that shows that the first one wasn't that great and this is how it shows.
By this time Craig was more awake and did a little bit of his Gene Simmons impression but it was too late. ''Gene'' said that he'll have a little talk with Craig today about his work on the show today.
Howard said Vinnie Favale told him about how Barbra Streisand has an open letter on her web site about how Californians should be conserving energy and how they should do it. Meanwhile, a journalist did an investigation and found out that Barbra keeps her New York apartment at 42 degrees so she can store her furs there. She keeps her 3 house estate in Malibu almost as cool and she's preaching to people about how to conserve energy. Howard was just helping to point out what a hypocrite she is.
Howard said he wasn't going to get into the Mariah Carey thing today but he did. He played a couple of the funny web site messages that Mariah leaves for her fans, which she calls ''lambs''. Mariah talks about not being able to figure out how to use her phone in one message. In another one she has her Spanish boyfriend talk to her fans in Spanish a little bit. They were sitting in her new apartment. She says it's sexy but Howard thinks she has him do it to show that she's into Spanish guys. Howard knows that he's going to be hearing from Mariah's people again about playing these tapes. He said that if they ask him how they can get him to stop, Gary is to tell them that Mariah has to have sex with him in her new apartment.
Gary said that he sent a new set of flowers to supermodel Nikki Taylor yesterday. Howard said he heard that Nikki is recovering from a car accident she was in and her kidney or whatever it was is functioning now. He wanted to get the flowers down to her as soon as possible because he's trying to get into her pants. He sent some when the accident first happened but he figured they probably got lost in the mix.
Howard spoke to Richard Jeni for a few minutes. Howard asked Robin a trivia question about Richard. He said that he was in a movie that made $300 million bucks and it was the first movie he was ever in. It turned out to be ''The Mask'' with Jim Carrey. Richard played Jim's friend in the movie. Howard said Richard didn't want to hang out with Jim at the time but he regrets it now that he's hit it big. At the time Jim was still relatively unknown. Richard and Howard also talked a bit about Cameron Diaz and how she's really not an attractive woman in person.
During a break Howard was doing a commercial for an internet provider. Richard Jeni said that it's the best invention for masturbation ever and you need to download quickly. He said you'll get a picture and you'll see a ''...nice face, nice boobs and then... a penis... oops, wrong web site!'' Richard then told Howard the best web site ever was ''The Best of Bestiality''. He said, when you're looking for bestiality, you only want the best.
Howard said he decided to relax after work yesterday. He took a shower and decided to watch a movie. He also decided to walk around his apartment naked. So he sat down to watch ''Wonder Boys''. Then the phone rang and it was Robin. Howard spoke to her for a few minutes on the phone. When he told her he was watching ''Wonder Boys'' she said she hated it. Howard said he was doing okay so far but Robin said he was doing better than she did because she hated it from the start. When Howard sat down to watch the rest of the movie, he decided that he hated it after Robin spoiled it. Howard didn't tell her that he was talking to her while he was nude until this morning.
High Pitch Erik called in and said that he also sits around his apartment naked watching TV and using his computer. No one wanted to hear that about him. It was just a disturbing image to picture.
A caller told Howard he saw the new movie ''A.I.'' and it went downhill shortly after starting. Howard can't believe that Steven Spielberg could make that bad of a movie though. He's going to try and get a screening for himself. Bill Hoffman from the NY Post called in later and told Howard that the movie was actually very good and he should enjoy it. Howard said he felt better about it after hearing that.
A woman called in complaining that Howard hasn't spoken much about his breakup with his wife. Howard told her he's spoken about it many times but retold the story again about how he and his wife tried to keep the marriage going but it just didn't work. After they broke up, Howard was single for a year or so then he started dating. Now he's been dating this woman Beth Ostrosky for about a year.
The woman who won on last night's ''Fear Factor'', Jeanette, came in this morning. Howard said that she's more attractive in person than she was on the show. She was able to pull herself into a helicopter from a jet ski and Howard was pretty impressed. Jeanette said that she's done a lot of cargo net training and stuff that helped her do what she did in that segment of the show. Jeanette, a 26 year old personal trainer, told Howard how she got on the show and how they blindfolded the people to bring them to the places that they'd be doing their stunts.
Howard thinks it would be great to have the guys on his show reenact the segments they did on last night's ''Fear Factor''. Howard thinks that he could pull himself up into the helicopter and he can bowl pretty good so he thinks he can bowl a strike and avoid eating beetles. Gary asked Jeanette about the final stunt where they had to drag themselves across a rope that was 60 feet in the air. Howard doesn't think he could possibly do that one. She said the stunt guys showed them the technique and they had to go do it shortly after that. She ended up winning the event by beating everyone else's time across the rope. Howard said he just wanted to congratulate her on her win last night. She said she's been using the $50,000 she won to renovate a condo she bought before playing the game.
Howard asked her what the worst stunt was that she had to do and of course it was the final one, the rope cross. She also said she did the show just for the money. She wasn't looking to get famous from the show.
Howard also asked her about Barry Williams who played her brother on the show. Barry claims that he was getting in Maureen's pants back then but Maureen says she doesn't recall that happening. Howard asked her ''did he check your oil with his finger?'' and she says she doesn't remember that ever happening. She said she's seen him since he started telling these stories but he hasn't ''checked her oil'' any of those times.
Maureen was thrilled that she was on the show with Howard today. Howard took some phone calls for her before he wrapped up the segment. One guy said he still masturbates to Maureen's character Marcia when he watches ''The Brady Bunch'' reruns. Gary said he remembers seeing a movie where Maureen almost flashes 1/3 of a breast and it's a great moment. I think the movie he mentioned was ''The Idol Maker''. Another caller said he's seen Maureen in a pornographic picture on the web but she kind of said it's not her. (Howard later looked at the picture and said it could be her.) Another caller said that someone who sounds as happy and care free as Maureen must have some deep dark secret she's hiding. Howard then started asking her about lesbianism and whether or not she uses a vibrator. She said she's thought about the lesbian stuff but she doesn't use a vibrator. She's been married for 16 years, no one believed her. Howard also asked her if she likes anal sex. She said it was too early to talk about that stuff for her.
One caller kept asking questions like how Maureen shaves and if she's ever seen Alice's ''flap jacks''. He wouldn't let her answer so she just avoided the questions. Howard asked if she'd ever seen the other girls' naked. They all saw each other because they shared a dressing room on the show. Maureen got to see the other girls develop.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she always wanted to be Maureen when she was growing up. Maureen was amazed that she got to talk to Howard and ''The'' Jessica Hahn on the same day. Maureen sounded like she was star struck. Her episode of ''Son of the Beach'', ''The Sexorcist'', airs tonight at 10pm on the FX Network.
Howard talked to her about how she claimed she could pass for a stripper in a line up. He says she's pretty cute but she's not really stripper hot. She also claims that she's only had sex twice and she's 25 years old. The guys figure she just has standards that are too high. She denies that though, she just thinks that guys don't like her. She's going to law school and graduated Harvard.
Howard spent a lot of time on trying to figure her out and by the time they got to the game she was about to black out! She said she lost her vision and they had to seat her on the couch so she wouldn't pass out. She said it's happened to her before in Sri Lanka when it was really hot. Howard and the crew figured she was overheated and overly nervous standing there for so long. They were going to scrap the whole game but she said she could go on. Howard let her rest and they brought her a soda, instead of water, and let her calm down.
Everything finally calmed down and Howard let her play sitting down instead of the usual standing position. Fred was already sitting in Robin's booth just waiting so that was all set. Howard then asked Maria 7 questions. Here they are:
Howard and the other guys in the studio spent 5 minutes trying to guess what the funny thing about his relative was. What a waste of time. It turns out Vinnie's big secret was that he has a black cousin with the same name as him. Howard couldn't believe they wasted their time trying to guess such a dumb story. Howard said both Gary and Vinnie were insane thinking that was a great secret. Vinnie said he actually had 3 secrets. One of the other ones was that he has two brothers by the name of Anthony. One is a half brother. Again, no one cared one bit about his dopey secrets. Howard then decided to find out how much Vinnie weighs. Everyone bet on how much he'd actually weigh. They put in $20 each and guessed a number. Whoever came closest would win $140. Everyone argued about how they were betting but finally agreed on whoever came closest instead of over/under. Here were the guesses... keep in mind that Vinnie is only 5'6'' tall:
Howard then decided it was time to weigh Gary because he's gotten fat lately. Gary didn't want to do it but Howard convinced him to just get on the damn scale after telling him he wasn't asking him to show his penis or anything. Here are the guesses for 5'8'' tall Gary:
Howard spent a few minutes discussing Gary's weight problem with him but that soon changed to a discussion about Stuttering John's usage of prescription drugs and alcohol among other things. John defended his drug usage and kept goofing on Gary's weight and how much he eats every day to take attention away from himself.
As Howard was getting ready to go to break he someone asked Richard Jeni if he'd spoken to Jackie the Joke Man about taking his place in his seat today. Other's have done so for some reason. That led to a quick discussion about what Jackie is up to and how he feels funny about going to parties where people from the show will be. Howard said he wouldn't feel funny about running into Jackie at all. Jackie left the show and Howard's fine with that. Stuttering John has spent some time with Jackie lately. He said that the Joke Man has stopped drinking alcohol! John says that Jackie looks really fit and trim now that he's stopped drinking.
One other thing about today's show. Kimmi from ''Survivor'' was supposed to come in for some reason but she didn't show. After 9am Howard said that if she showed up Gary was to send her home because she missed her window of opportunity.
Howard started off the show talking about how it seems like they just finished the last show and they're back already. He said they had a big show coming up today and that they had the phones all lit up. They all went over to Scores yesterday to see one of their former interns dance and they'd be talking about that. He said it was pretty strange seeing Shannon their intern stripping for them. He said it kept him from getting multiple lap dances. He said she's really into it and came off pretty professional.
Gary came in and said that Shannon was dropping her money all over the place too. That just shows she's not quite up to the ''professional'' level yet.
Gary also complained that the listener they brought with them was too annoying and they'll never do that again. The guy just asked to go one day and Howard let him in. He said the guy was conversing with him and he didn't want that. Gary said the same thing. Gary and Stuttering John also complained that Shannon was asking about their wives and kids which is another no-no.
Stuttering John said that Vinnie Favale was also annoying yesterday. He keeps commenting on stuff that he should just keep his mouth shut about.
Howard said he got burned by a cigarette by Shannon also. She was dancing for Gary and she burned Howard somehow while she was holding the thing. Stuttering John was complaining that they need to give out a full allotment of ''funny money'' at the start of the thing. Gary said he gives it out in small allotments for everyone's own good because they rip right through it. John says he can handle the whole thing at once though. John said he can make it last by getting back rubs from the girls.
Gary was wearing mesh shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers and Howard said he looked pretty funny. Gary said he wore that stuff because it's hot out but Howard said it's for easy access for the girls at the club. Gary said he had to keep the funny money in his sock the whole night and when he went home he ended up finding $80 worth on the floor. Luckily his wife wasn't home to see it.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and complained about Stuttering John running out of the club real early. John said he had a racquetball game scheduled and he had to do some interviews at the ''A.I.'' premiere.
John explained how good Shannon was at dancing for him but she was asking too many questions about his family. He said he did get wood when she danced for him so she was good enough for him. Fred didn't get a dance from Shannon but he said he saw her with John.
Howard complained that Ronnie got a hold of a girl by the name of Milana that was great and he wouldn't let her go. Howard said she was really good but Ronnie kept her way too long because he wanted some dances from her.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy talked about Nikki Taylor getting out of the hospital. Howard said he sent her some flowers and never heard anything about it. The caller joked that he heard them mention that on Entertainment Tonight. Gary told Howard that they sent flowers to her on Monday so she may not have gotten them.
Another caller told Howard that Imus was bad mouthing him and Jackie on his show this morning. That got Howard ragging on Imus for a few minutes about what a loser the guy is. Howard brought up the lame books that Imus has put out and how he's just ripping off his audience with that crap.
Howard went on to play the Ian Hunter version of ''All the Young Dudes'' that he was talking about earlier. He said he may have had some trouble with the high notes but that's okay with him. He said he kind of liked that. After the song was over he asked Fred what he thought about it. Fred said he liked it even better than the original. He said it actually got better as it went along. Howard said he loves Ian Hunter but some people called in and said they weren't big fans of the song.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what happened to the Mariah Carey tape and Gary tape. Howard said that they have a few things to get to including those tapes. He said that Vinnie Favale brought in some tapes to play today. He said they'll also get to the Gary tapes today.
Howard and the guys talked a little more about the Scores party and how good Shannon was at doing her job. Howard said she'll be in after the commercial break. He went to break a short time later.
KC said he's used some of those wet nap things and they make his ass burn. He thinks he used some medicated ones. Howard said that he sat down and read a comic book on the toilet last night. He said his girlfriend was on the phone and he doesn't like her to know what he does so he was hiding from her. He said he didn't have his nozzle in there. He was out talking to his girlfriend and his ass started to itch so he had to excuse himself to go clean up correctly.
Robin suggested that Howard get a bidet and use that instead. Howard said he doesn't know how to use one and wondered which direction to sit on it. Robin told him that you sit facing the wall. That led to KC bringing up how their security guy who burned his ass using one of those things out in Las Vegas. Howard said the guy got third degree burns on his ass that day. He thinks that Ronnie had to put the salve on his ass.
Shannon came in and Howard talked to KC about his gay tendencies. He said that he thinks that KC has checked out gay porn and he's just not admitting to it. He told him he wants him to go home tonight and watch some gay porn because he thinks that he's going to like it. KC said that he and one of his bros checked some out one time as a goof. It was just a joke though, they were just goofing around. Howard told KC that once he admits he's gay, he'll stop wetting his bed and stuff like that. He said that KC gets freaked out when guys touch his shoulders and stuff. KC said that he likes his personal space and doesn't want anyone touching him like that.
KC said that he liked having Shannon dance for him but he doesn't get aroused. He said it's a mental thing for him. Stuttering John said he gets aroused just walking into the place. Howard said that he gets excited too and it doesn't take any time for it to happen. Howard wanted KC to let John rub his boobs but KC told them to get away from him if they went near him.
KC said that he knows that he's not gay. The guys asked him about his playing football and how he picked a position where he has to keep his hands under a guy's balls. KC said that's not why he plays that position.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if KC has ever looked at a guy's private parts in a locker room. KC said that he's just there to take shower and that's it, but you can't be in a locker room and not notice. He said that Howard has probably seen guys too but Howard told him that he gets aroused at Scores, unlike KC. Howard told KC that he's gay and he's just not admitting to it. KC denied that over and over again but Howard kept on him about it.
Shannon also spent a couple of minutes talking about how upset her parents were when she told them about what she's been up to. She's had plastic surgery and she's stripping. Two things that didn't sit well with her parents.
Shannon was also complaining that she didn't get paid last night because she didn't have ID. She lost her wallet and they didn't give her the money she was owed. Lonnie from Scores called in and said the real reason was that the manager thought she was a little tipsy from drinking and thought it would be better to give her a voucher for the money so she could come back tonight and get the money. Lonnie also complained about how the girls don't treat Howard like the great man he really is.
Shannon also has her own web site where you can see her topless. ShannonTheIntern.com which seems to be heading in the porno direction according to Howard. He said he thinks she's going to go into porn. She says she won't though.
Rich, the guy who got the chance to go with Howard to Scores, called in and thanked Howard for letting him go yesterday. Gary said he was a nice guy but once he got familiar with the guys, he started annoying him by mentioning his son's name Jackson over and over again. Rich said he was saying ''Jackson'' because it was one of the stripper's names. He was trying to point her out to Gary or something like that. Howard said Rich was an ''okay dude'' as he hung up on him and moved on.
Shannon said she probably won't be visiting her parents while she's out here no the east coast because they really are upset with her. Howard wrapped things up and took a quick phone call. A guy asked her if she noticed if Howard was aroused while she was dancing for him. She said she did notice that he was aroused. Howard admitted that he was. He said she's a very attractive (21 year old) woman and he got aroused by her dancing. Some of the guys even think Howard could have gotten her in his limo if he wanted to. Shannon said that could have happened. Gary said she was pretty drunk by the end of the night so anything's possible. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had this guy Michael Gelman on the phone. He said that he used to produce TV shows like Maurey Povich, Leeza and others. He called in to talk about his latest idea ''Faggot Feud.'' Howard thought it was a TV show but it turns out it's a game they play in a gay club in Chelsea there in New York City. The club is called Blue and it's on West 23rd between 6th and 7th. He said they have different types of people play a ''Family Feud'' type game where they ask questions about gays and stuff like that.
Howard spoke to Michael about the wacky sounding game for a very short time. He let the guy get in some plugs for the show and some mentions of the celebrities they had coming in to play the game with them. Howard said it sounds like he's well on his way to something there. He pitched some ideas of his own for the guy too.
Howard was wondering what he wanted to do at this point. He had some Mariah Carey tapes to play and some other stuff to do. Gary suggested that they play the Mariah Carey stuff. Howard wanted to replay Gary's apology tape that they played on the show before.
Howard said he was confused by KC's pitch of the whole call and thought it was a TV show so he just ended up moving on.
Gary finally agreed to bring it in after Howard goofed on him about it for a couple of minutes. Howard said he was going to just play the tape without interrupting it but Gary didn't think he could do that. He knew Howard would interrupt it.
Gary ran off to another part of the building so he wouldn't have to listen to the tape again. Howard let the thing play through without interruption so they'd have a copy of it to play in the future so they don't have to rely on Gary to bring it in again. You could hear giggling in the background as the tape played but Howard was able to keep his mouth shut for a couple of minutes.
Vinnie Penn, a DJ from New Haven, Connecticut was sitting in this morning and this was the first time he heard the Gary apology tape. He pointed out key phrases and moments in the tape that he found amusing. Howard also went through some of his favorite moments before taking a bunch of phone calls from listeners who wanted to goof on Gary about the whole thing. The tape was made when Gary was only 25 years old so that's one of his excuses he used.
A woman called in and asked how she could get a copy of this video. Howard said they showed it on E! and it comes back in reruns once in a while. He later said that the E! guys are going to try their best to get that episode on tonight at 11:30pm. Other callers just goofed on Gary about what a pussy he was in the tape. Even the interns that are working for the show now got in on the action. Stuttering John brought them in one by one to goof on him. A couple of them thought it was sweet but it came off gay. A couple of callers felt the same way.
KC told Howard about a story that appeared about Beetlejuice, Lester Green, in a local paper. It said that Beet used to be a skier in the special Olympics. He was very competitive according to the article. He was also a runner and he did well in those events. Beetle said he doesn't ski much but when he does, he does it at the top of a mountain. Beetle was up to his usual answer of questions with ''Me!?'' and then the answer.
The article also described how Beet grew up with kids making fun of him but now those same kids are asking for his autograph. Howard read through the article and spent a few minutes talking about what was in that. Howard moved on to the game after that.
The first contestant was a guy by the name of Steve who just happened to be in the city today on a visit. Howard told him how they were going to play this game. Howard would give the contestant a word that he had to get Beetlejuice to say. He can only use one word clues to get him to say the word. If he won he'd win a trip to Nantucket courtesy of Nantucket Nectars fruit drinks.
KC put headphones on Beet's ears so he couldn't hear the Password. The first word was ''Bicycle''. Steve said ''Pedaling'' and Beet mumbled something unintelligible. He then said ''Handlebars'' and Beet said ''Bike''. Close enough for Steve to win. Howard didn't know what happened. He thought it would be near impossible to get him to say the word or anything even close. Howard decided to let Steve play another word even though he'd already won. The next word was ''Computer''. Here's what Steve said and Beetlejuice's response:
Howard said that you can visit PicklePilot.com for more info on the porno that Beetle will be shooting later this year. You can also check out JollyDwarf.com for info on upcoming appearances for Beet. He'll also be in ''Scary Movie 2'' which opens July 5th. Someone also said that Beet has been shooting ''Men in Black 2'' with Wil Smith. Beetle said he's been hanging out with those guys lately and he's having a good time on the set. How true that is remains to be seen. Beetle hung out after the game to sit in during Robin's news segment.
Before Robin could get started though, this guy Johnny T-Bone called in and said that he's dating Beetlejuice's sister Erica. He told Howard how he met Erica at a bar and now he's banging her. He even said he's going to marry her. Beetle started getting pissed right away. He started cursing at the guy and called him an asshole a few times. Beet denied that this guy is going to be part of his family because his sister doesn't love anyone but herself. The two of them went at it for about 10 minutes. It sounded like T-Bone knew what he was talking about but Beet didn't want to hear it and he was calling the guy a ''faggot ass'' and a ''punk ass'' halfway through it. He even said he'd kill the guy if he sees him with his sister. Howard seemed to believe what the guy was saying but he wasn't sure about it. He eventually had to take a break so he hung up on T-Bone and calmed Beetlejuice down a little bit.
Robin got into her news and Beetlejuice sat in to comment on the stuff she brought up. At one point the guys thought he was crying. Beetle said that they were fake tears though. High Pitch Eric called in so Beet talked to him for a short time. Eric said that he's been doing appearances with Beetle and he always runs around naked there. Beetlejuice said he does do that.
KC said that Beetlejuice does an impression of Eric. Howard asked him to do it so Beet went into a High Pitched voice and did that for a few seconds. Vinnie Favale said that he does Ralph Cramden from the Honeymooners too but when he was asked to do it, he just mumbled something about the Honeymooners and didn't really do an impression.
Howard took a call from Angry Black who told Howard about a stripper who had given him a lap dance and had passed away recently. He also told Howard that Richard Jeni was on another clone show bad mouthing him. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later.
Howard and the guys had some fun talking about the various stories that Robin brought up. Beetlejuice would throw in a comment here and there. Vinnie Penn would pipe in once in a while too. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later and ended it around 9:55am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard said he got burned by a cigarette by Shannon also. She was dancing for Gary and she burned Howard somehow while she was holding the thing. Stuttering John was complaining that they need to give out a full allotment of ''funny money'' at the start of the thing. Gary said he gives it out in small allotments for everyone's own good because they rip right through it. John says he can handle the whole thing at once though. John said he can make it last by getting back rubs from the girls.
Gary was wearing mesh shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers and Howard said he looked pretty funny. Gary said he wore that stuff because it's hot out but Howard said it's for easy access for the girls at the club. Gary said he had to keep the funny money in his sock the whole night and when he went home he ended up finding $80 worth on the floor. Luckily his wife wasn't home to see it.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and complained about Stuttering John running out of the club real early. John said he had a racquetball game scheduled and he had to do some interviews at the ''A.I.'' premiere.
John explained how good Shannon was at dancing for him but she was asking too many questions about his family. He said he did get wood when she danced for him so she was good enough for him. Fred didn't get a dance from Shannon but he said he saw her with John.
Howard complained that Ronnie got a hold of a girl by the name of Milana that was great and he wouldn't let her go. Howard said she was really good but Ronnie kept her way too long because he wanted some dances from her.
Howard took a few phone calls to kill some time. One caller asked Howard how to get over a divorce. Howard told the guy that you don't get over it. It's constantly in your mind but you can try to make the thoughts go away by drinking and getting laid. Another caller told Howard that Imus was ragging on him this morning. That got Howard ragging on Imus for a few minutes about what a loser the guy is. Howard brought up the lame books that Imus has put out and how he's just ripping off his audience with that crap.
Howard replayed Ian Hunter's live version of ''All the Young Dudes'' that he did on the show Monday. He said he heard from some people that it wasn't that good but he enjoyed it. Fred said it was great too. He liked it just as much if not more than Howard did.
Shannon also spent a couple of minutes talking about how upset her parents were when she told them about what she's been up to. She's had plastic surgery and she's stripping. Two things that didn't sit well with her parents.
Shannon was also complaining that she didn't get paid last night because she didn't have ID. She lost her wallet and they didn't give her the money she was owed. Lonnie from Scores called in and said the real reason was that the manager thought she was a little tipsy from drinking and thought it would be better to give her a voucher for the money so she could come back tonight and get the money. Lonnie also complained about how the girls don't treat Howard like the great man he really is.
Shannon also has her own web site where you can see her topless. ShannonTheIntern.com which seems to be heading in the porno direction according to Howard. He said he thinks she's going to go into porn. She says she won't though.
Rich, the guy who got the chance to go with Howard to Scores, called in and thanked Howard for letting him go yesterday. Gary said he was a nice guy but once he got familiar with the guys, he started annoying him by mentioning his son's name Jackson over and over again. Rich said he was saying ''Jackson'' because it was one of the stripper's names. He was trying to point her out to Gary or something like that. Howard said Rich was an ''okay dude'' as he hung up on him and moved on.
Shannon said she probably won't be visiting her parents while she's out here no the east coast because they really are upset with her. Howard wrapped things up and took a quick phone call. A guy asked her if she noticed if Howard was aroused while she was dancing for him. She said she did notice that he was aroused. Howard admitted that he was. He said she's a very attractive (21 year old) woman and he got aroused by her dancing. Some of the guys even think Howard could have gotten her in his limo if he wanted to. Shannon said that could have happened. Gary said she was pretty drunk by the end of the night so anything's possible.
Vinnie Penn, a DJ from New Haven, Connecticut was sitting in this morning and this was the first time he heard the Gary apology tape. He pointed out key phrases and moments in the tape that he found amusing. Howard also went through some of his favorite moments before taking a bunch of phone calls from listeners who wanted to goof on Gary about the whole thing. The tape was made when Gary was only 25 years old so that's one of his excuses he used.
A woman called in and asked how she could get a copy of this video. Howard said they showed it on E! and it comes back in reruns once in a while. He later said that the E! guys are going to try their best to get that episode on tonight at 11:30pm. Other callers just goofed on Gary about what a pussy he was in the tape. Even the interns that are working for the show now got in on the action. Stuttering John brought them in one by one to goof on him. A couple of them thought it was sweet but it came off gay. A couple of callers felt the same way.
The first contestant was a guy by the name of Steve who just happened to be in the city today on a visit. Howard told him how they were going to play this game. Howard would give the contestant a word that he had to get Beetlejuice to say. He can only use one word clues to get him to say the word. If he won he'd win a trip to Nantucket courtesy of Nantucket Nectars fruit drinks. Here we go... KC put headphones on Beet's ears so he couldn't hear the Password. The first word was ''Bicycle''. Steve said ''Pedaling'' and Beet mumbled something unintelligible. He then said ''Handlebars'' and Beet said ''Bike''. Close enough for Steve to win. Howard didn't know what happened. He thought it would be near impossible to get him to say the word or anything even close. Howard decided to let Steve play another word even though he'd already won. The next word was ''Computer''. Here's what Steve said and Beetlejuice's response:
Howard said that you can visit PicklePilot.com for more info on the porno that Beetle will be shooting later this year. You can also check out JollyDwarf.com for info on upcoming appearances for Beet. He'll also be in ''Scary Movie 2'' which opens July 5th. Someone also said that Beet has been shooting ''Men in Black 2'' with Wil Smith. Beetle said he's been hanging out with those guys lately and he's having a good time on the set. How true that is remains to be seen. Beetle hung out after the game to sit in during Robin's news segment. Before Robin could get started though, this guy Johnny T-Bone called in and said that he's dating Beetlejuice's sister Erica. He told Howard how he met Erica at a bar and now he's banging her. He even said he's going to marry her. Beetle started getting pissed right away. He started cursing at the guy and called him an asshole a few times. Beet denied that this guy is going to be part of his family because his sister doesn't love anyone but herself. The two of them went at it for about 10 minutes. It sounded like T-Bone knew what he was talking about but Beet didn't want to hear it and he was calling the guy a ''faggot ass'' and a ''punk ass'' halfway through it. He even said he'd kill the guy if he sees him with his sister. Howard seemed to believe what the guy was saying but he wasn't sure about it. He eventually had to take a break so he hung up on T-Bone and calmed Beetlejuice down a little bit. Howard said he checked into it during a break and T-Bone never even met Beet's sister.
Artie said he did give the woman some room service, from the Hyatt hotel, so he didn't screw her over that bad. He said she had a really nice stomach too. He said she was about 5'8'' tall with blond hair.. a real German chick. He also let it slip that he didn't have a condom so he went raincoat free with her. He said they were both pretty drunk so neither one cared about the condom thing. Artie thought it would be kind of cool to have a German kid if he did accidentally get her pregnant. Artie, a Jew, said it was one for the Jews... ''Screw them'' (the Germans) he said.
Howard brought up comedian Paula Poundstone and how she got in trouble for molesting a girl under the age of 14. Howard was saying how everyone knew she was a lesbo already because she would always wear men's clothing. Robin had an audio clip from the news that she played for Howard. Poundstone was charged with child endangerment and some other stuff. Howard said he knew she was guilty of something and she always ''disturbed'' him when he saw her. He ended up goofing on her doing an impression of her doing jokes about the games she might have played with the kids including ''It's never too old to breast feed game'' and the ''kiss mommy open mouth'' game. He also mentioned games like ''hide and peek'', ''lick ball'', ''hide the sausage'' and ''lick mommy's heiny''. Howard did have to say that she's ''innocent until proven guilty'' but that didn't stop him from goofing on her about looking like a man. Robin said there was nothing specific in the news report so she's not sure about the details.
Last night on E! they re-aired the Baba Booey apology tape that they played on the show yesterday and back in 1999. A caller said it was great to see. Howard said a lot of people told him they'd never heard the tape even though such a big deal was made about it back in '99 when they paid Gary $25,000 to play it.
A phone caller made the mistake of asking Howard if it's gay to lick off his own ''goo'' from his girlfriend after he finishes. Howard told him that's really gay. He said not only is he gay but he's really gross as well. He got off the phone quickly after that.
A caller asked Howard if the rumor about him being asked to play Bullseye in the upcoming movie about comic book character Daredevil. Howard said he hasn't been asked but he'd be honored. He also spent a couple of minutes talking about the ''Superman 2'' movie and how he gets pissed off when Superman gives up his powers for Lois Lane. He said when he sees the movie on TV he switches away from the movie and tunes back in when he's using his powers again.
Howard mentioned an article in Maxim Magazine about what ''man manners'' should be. The list included things like...
They also talked about how little money Comedy Central pays them. Howard then remembered his dealings with the cable channel and how they ripped off his ideas years ago.
Jimmy and Adam told Howard how they hate Oprah Winfrey and they got to see her house from the outside when they were hanging out at Ivan Reitman's house. Howard wondered how they got to hang at Ivan's house. They said they're making a movie with him and they hung out there for a day. Howard then said that they really are fashioning their lives after his. The guys joked that their movie will be called ''Private Parts 2''.
Earlier in the show Howard mentioned that he wanted to talk about the funniest news story today. He brought it up while the guys were on the phone. He said that Benjamin Bratt has left Julia Roberts after finding out she was cheating on him. Howard said the guy is smart because he was just a ''toadie'' when he went out with Julia to different events. Howard said they had pictures of Ben holding Julia's purse at the Academy Awards and places like that. Howard thought the whole thing was funny and he said he could see that coming from a mile away.
Howard also spent a little time talking to the guys about the Paula Poundstone story that he started talking about earlier in the morning. They all spent a few minutes talking about that bizarre situation. Jimmy said that his baby sitter is also Paula's baby sitter which is pretty freaky to Jimmy.
Adam and Jimmy also know Artie Lange because they had a funny situation with him a few years ago. They'd written a sitcom script before they became famous and Artie said he wanted them to run the whole show. Artie said he may have still been doing cocaine at that time so he might have been out of his mind.
TheManShow.com can be seen on Comedy Central Sunday nights at 10pm.
After a few minutes of asking the questions Stuttering John was convinced that it was number 2 when she admitted she doesn't orgasm during porn shoots. Everyone else had many other questions. Finally Howard and Robin picked number 3 while John, Artie and Fred all went with number 2. Those guys were correct. Tabitha was number 2. Howard quickly spoke to the other women who were all actresses who had done some internet research to get their answers for the game.
Tabitha then let her hair down and took off some clothing for Howard. Gary said they had to fix her up because she came in looking like a porn star this morning. She had a huge rack which turned out to be implants. Tabitha went on to talk about how she got into the business after being a bored housewife. She said her husband wouldn't have sex with her often because he was so busy running his landscaping business. She got out of the 2 year marriage and into porn after meeting some porn star couple at a gym in Las Vegas. She was only 25 at the time and she says she actually asked her parents permission to do it. They gave her the okay and now she's known for giving great oral sex. She explained the whole orgasm thing too. She said she thinks of porn as actual work and blocks out the fact that guys are banging her. She did, however, say that she's gotten off when women have done her. Howard thinks she may be becoming hardened toward men but she swears she's not. Gary couldn't figure out how she can make the distinction between work and home with guys banging her. She said that she give men outside of the business all of her attention and just blocks out the porn actors somehow.
Howard continued to talk to Tabitha for as long as he could but he was running out of time because the Wayans Brothers were waiting to come in. He had to wrap it up so he gave plugs for all of the women. Tabitha has her own web site at TabithaStevens.com where you can find out more about her ''Dripping Wet'' series of porn. All of the actresses has their own e-mail addresses but Howard ripped through them very quickly. As Howard was wrapping things up he told Tabitha that he was aroused talking to her about all of this and invited her over to check out his arousal. He didn't let her touch anything but he did let her see the outline of his ''semi'' through his pants.
Howard then went through the story about Marlon Brando getting a part in the movie and eventually had to be pulled out because of his health problems. The Wayans Brothers told Howard how they wrote this movie with the help of 5 other guys in only 6 months. Then they had 4 months to produce it so it was a quick 1 year turn around for them. They didn't have anyone in particular in mind when they wrote the part for their ''Exorcist'' spoof but they were able to get Brando for $2 million for 2 days of work. Then the movie studio pulled him out because he'd shown up at the set with an oxygen tank because he was sick. They said they did get some stuff on film and they'll probably save it for the DVD release. James Woods took Brando's place in the part.
Marlon and Shawn spent a few minutes telling Howard about how they got to hang out with Eddie Murphy when they were like 9 and 12 years old. They said the biggest day of their childhood was when Eddie showed up at their apartment in the projects and had the whole neighborhood outside looking at them.
Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf is one of the stars in ''Scary Movie 2'' so Howard spoke to the guys about him. The Wayans told Howard that he's a genius for putting Beetlejuice on his show. They love that guy and they couldn't stop talking about how funny he is. They said that they just let Beet do his thing in the movie. They had him playing a sick kid in one scene and he'd keep changing his age when he'd say his lines. They also have a behind-the-scenes video of Beetle's audition where they interview him in a trailer. Howard wasn't able to play that today but he said maybe tomorrow he'd do that. Beetle was called back to play a part in a ''Hannibal'' spoof scene but the guys said they couldn't give away the scene before the movie comes out.
Unfortunately Beet wasn't in the studio but he did call in. Shawn and Marlon were thrilled to talk to him. They were laughing their asses off at Beetle's answers and the stuff he was talking about. They really love that little guy. One of the guys said he'd like to poke a hole in Beetle's head and put him on his keychain.
The premiere for the movie is next Monday and Beetle is invited to that. The Wayans said they want him to walk the carpet with them. That would be hilarious of course. Beetle predicts that the movie will make $100 million on it's first weekend.
Howard told the guys about the whole Paula Poundstone thing that was going on since they hadn't heard about it yet. They all spent a couple of minutes goofing on that before Howard had to wrap up the interview. Howard ended it after talking about how their brother Keenan hadn't invited Jim Carrey to his wedding. Howard read that Jim was actually banned from the wedding but the guys said that wasn't true. He wasn't invited at all so he wasn't banned. There was no clear reason why Jim wasn't invited but the rumor was that it was because Jim didn't show up to the ''In Living Color'' reunion show and it made Keenan look like a fool. Shawn and Marlon said that it wasn't even Keenan's thing so he wasn't upset with Jim about that.
Howard said he can't find out much about the Paula Poundstone story that broke in the news yesterday. From what he's read it looks like even Paula Poundstone and her lawyers weren't even given all of the details about why she was arrested.
Howard said he watched Bill Gates on the news yesterday and said he looked like he'd just swallowed a canary after talking about how he won't have to break up Microsoft. Howard doesn't even understand what drives Gates. He's got more money than he knows what to do with and he just keeps on going.
Howard said he loves the tabloid papers because they have photos of Cher's daughter Chastity in Italy. She's apparently up to over 300 pounds. Howard checked out the pictures of Chastity and her girlfriend just looking at and eating food everywhere. One of the pictures shows Chastity on the ground and her girlfriend is trying to pick her up. Howard said there's no way that girl can pick her up though.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Julia Roberts and Benjamin Bratt's break up again this morning.
Howard said he enjoys this new show ''Spy TV'' that's on NBC Tuesdays and Thursdays this summer. He said it's like Candid Camera but the stuff they do to people is meaner. Last night they did a phony reality TV show audition and it turned out to be ''Cannibals''. They had 3 people that ate, what was supposed to be, human flesh. Three of the four people actually ate the phony human flesh which Howard thought was more interesting than funny. It shows what people are willing to do to get on TV.
A listener called in and said he was able to see ''Scary Movie 2'' in an audience preview. He said that it's pretty funny but not as good as the first one. He also reported that Beetlejuice just makes a short cameo appearance in the movie but he handles himself well. The guy also got to see Beetle's movie ''Bubble Boy'' somehow.
Jason said that he's going to have a College Beauties contest in September of this year but Howard told him he really needs to get famous broads on the site to make it famous. He thinks that he'll be able to attract hotter chicks than even Playboy can get because he'll be paying the college chicks to appear.
Howard and the crew were all wondering how the hell guys like this think they can run a sports reporting web site with no journalism experience at all. It happens all the time these days. Jason said he has 2500 subscribers to the service which costs $9.95 a month for the photos and stuff. They have 8500 free members and they've only been out 4 months so far.
Howard mentioned that his boss and CEO of CBS Broadcasting, Mel Karmazin, got married and he didn't even know that was happening. He ended up talking about a bunch of the other people that work for the company and how everyone seems to be a Vice President or CEO of something. Everyone except Howard of course. He ended up picking on this one guy Fahrid who became the CEO of Infinity Broadcasting recently. Howard was doing his best Indian accent goofing on the guy for a few minutes. Howard said that Fahrid used to be an accountant and all of a sudden he was running the family of Infinity radio stations. He couldn't figure out how that happened. Robin told Howard that Fahrid claims that he was running the company for years before he was officially made the CEO of the company.
Howard took a break and when he came back he replayed a segment of the show where he played a sex talk CD where a woman talks dirty to you. Craig Gass was in that day doing his ''Al Pacino's baby'' voice along with the tapes. Here's the excerpt from June 21:
Howard then replayed tape of some Mariah Carey web site messages that he and Vinnie Favale talked about the same day. Here's an excerpt from that segment:
Vinnie called in and said he actually left the Mariah stuff on CD with Howard but he had to take a break so he didn't get to them.
Howard talked to Michelle a little bit about how she got into the business but then accidentally found out that she may have been in a romantic relationship with her movie co-star Vin Diesel. Howard ended up spending most of the segment talking to her about that whole thing but she was kind of secretive about whether or not they actually had sex. She said that they're ''totally hanging out'' with each other now and they got to be good friends on the set of ''The Fast and the Furious''. Howard tried his best to find out if and when they had sex for the first time but Michelle kept quiet about all of that.
Mike Walker called in to play his game and he told Howard he did a good job getting as much info out of Michelle about her relationship with Vin. Howard thinks that the story will be showing up in the National Enquirer in the near future.
Howard eventually moved on to play the game with Mike and the rest of the crew. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes with Michelle talking about the movie and taking phone calls. The callers were upsetting Michelle once in a while so Howard had to hit the delay when she'd curse at them. She was mixing it up with the callers pretty good though. Howard told her she was a great guest after talking to her for a while.
Michelle told Howard that she'll be doing ''The Vagina Monologs'' in New York City for a while. Howard saw the play and said it was very good. He said he learned a few things after seeing it. One of the things he learned was that you're supposed to compliment women on how good their vaginas look. He asked Michelle to show hers so he could tell her how pretty it was but that wasn't about to happen.
Howard spent a little time telling Bernie that some people might think of him being kind of nutty but he's really not crazy. He just comes off as a little odd because he has squirrels as pets. Bernie also revealed that if he does get into office he'd like to keep Mayor Giuliani's staff around because they're so efficient. He also wants to offer Giuliani a job so he can still have a major role in running the city. Bernie also plans on trying to get a girlfriend if he gets into office.
You can find out more about Bernie's platform and links to other candidates at BernieForMayor.com